Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1881-04-21
cows TEETH.
From Peck'S Sun]

q ness, and one of them, who resides on Val
: Buren street, asked the other, jackson
: street man, if cows had any front teeth OF
: their upper jaw. The Jackson street MAJ
J, was little astonished at the question, a
t there had been nothing said about COWS, bu
0 replied promptly:
why OF course they have front teeth Oh
/ their upper jaw; how could they bite of
f grass if they hadn't? ?''
The Van Buren, street man said it was not
q question of logic, but a question OF fact
and II the Jackson street man did not know
whether cows had front teeth on their upper
, jaw or not he ought to say so. Il did not
, ask you for your opinion" he said: y asked
/, if you knew
The Jackson street man was little net
said if he had child three years who would
ask such q question rs that he should be
afraid the child was an idiot.
You would 2" Il certainly should."s
Then said the Van Buren, street man,
las it is such a simple question: of course
you can tell NE whether cows have got front
teeth on their upper jaws or whether they
have not
why, of course they have"
They have, eh 2" yes"
III bet you SO they haven't" said the
Van Buren, street citizens pulling out a roll
of bills, and peeling off a couple of fves and
shaking them at his neighbor. Put up or
shut up"
There's some internal catch about this
thing" said the other, suspiciously; Il might
have known it, too, the minute you asked
ME such an internal idiotic question"
"No catch at all about it," replied the
other, "if co VS. have got front teeth on their
upper jaw the $40 is yours. If they haven't
the money is mine, Nothing could be tairer
than that, could there?"
But still the Jackson street man hesitated.
1t was barely possible that cows did not
have any front teeth on their upper jaws.
He remembered, then, that cows in biting
off grass always threw their noses outward,
while horses nipped it off by jerking their
nose inward. He was astonished at how
near he had come to being victimized, but
he did not like to come down. The two were
then near the meat market, near the corner
of Jackson and Michigan streets, and the
jackson street man was sure that Il butcher
would know for certain whether or not cows
had front teeth On their upper jaws; so he
pushed open the door and said to the pro-
prieter:
"Linehan have cows got front teeth Oh
their upper jaws"
"Linehan was running skewer through a
roast of beef, but he stopped, looked up i'll
establishment, and said:
WHAT"
Have cows got front teeth on their upper
jaws 2"
Cows 2" Yes
Got front teeth on theirupper jaws" Yes"
Upon my word l don't know
"You don't know"
mo. You see l buy my beef by the quar-
ter at the slaughter house, and don't have
anything to do with the heads But ! can
find out when 60 over"
/ wish you would"
So the Jackson street man closed the door.
and rejoined his neighbor, and the two walk
ed along without saying a word. A milk
wagon was seen coming up the street, and it
was resolved to hail the driver and ask him
the question, as it is popularity supposed that
milkmen are more or less familiar with cows.
The Van Buren street citizen cleared his
throat and yelled, Hello" The milkman
reined up, and SAID:
go ahead with your tests. you find
any wather or chalk in that milk I'll give
you the whole of it."
The citizen told him to be calm, as they
had no intention of testing his milk, but only
wanted to know if cows had front teeth on
their upper jaws
The milkman looked at them about
minute and then whipped up his horse and
drove off, mentioning some kind of fool that
they were. Up on Wisconsin street they saw
another milkman delivering milk, and over
taking him they explained the dispute. He
smiled pityingly upon their ignorance, and
said:
"Of course cows have front teeth on their
upper jaws-a driveling idiot ought to know
that much. A cow would be a handsome
looking object without any front teeth in
her upper jaw, wouldn't she?"
"I've concluded to take that bet of yours"
said the Jackson street man to the other.
Come, now, down with your dust. Put up
Or shut up.'
"Why didn't you do it then, when you had
! chance? l never claimed to know whether
\ cow had upper teeth ON her front jaw OF
not. only thought l had read so some-
where, and asked to know if you knew about
t for certain. But now that the thing is
settled, there is nothing to bet Oh as can
,ee"
20, of course not" said the jackson street
nan, sarcastically 'Of course not"
Just then Mr.. Clark, Of the Newhall House,
along, and the milkman picked
Up his lines and drove Off, the Van Buren,
treet man asked Mr.. Clark if he knew any,
hing about cows. Mr.. Clark said he did,
aving formerly been farmer and a cattle
'uyer.
''Well," said the Van Buren, streeter, "do
Ou know | got the queerest idea into my
ead this morning about COWS that man
yer had. Somehow or other got the idea
hat cows had no front teeth On their upper
aw and / actually offered to bet $40 with
his man that such was the case don't see
that possessed me-"
Well if you had bet you would have won
ne money" said Mr.. Clark.
What" exclaimed both the citizens to-
ether.
Il say if you had bet you would have won
le money, for cows have no front teeth on
leir upper jaws"
Sweet spirit hear my prayer" said the
an Buren, street citizen, as he brought out
is roll and peeled off the two fives again
nd shook them at the Jackson street man,
no turned away with sickly smile and
nd he could not always be pulling out his
lOney! HE5tea
Ignorance seems to be stalking through
he land like Kansas grasshopper on stills.