Smyrna times., 1881-09-07
WHOLE NO. 1866.
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS

Ieople who always look ON the darL
sue OF things are the malarial foUs Of
society. 'e' u
ne campmeeting season is closing and
ola sermons are being returned to their
pigeOn-holes.
animals cannot reason, but they have
instinct. That is why on the approach of
september oysters always roost high.
feople returning from summer resorts
snow gain in flesh, but their weight is
the same-because their pockets are so
light. 81
"oiorado Is losing no opportunity of at
tractlng immigrants. Itisnow annopncad
'nat IN Denver there are six millionaire
widows.
Inc wives OF merchants who were sharn
enough to keep advertising during the
dull season will have new seal skin sacons.
this winter.
New Workers literally patronize the
lree lcewater fountains, and then 90 to
the nearest saloon to get the taste out of
their mouth.
1t Is now alleged that eating peaches
causes hay fever. Poor Delaware. Whether
her crop fails or is good one she pets
blamed either way.
Never judge by appearances. A seedv
coat may cover heart in full bloom.-Er.
And little face-powder may cover nose
in the same condition.
when baggage smasher strains him
sell with heavy trunk he never fails to
take IL out on the light ones. Moral: Al
ways travel with Saratoga.
No man can enlist in the regular army
OF China until he has shown his courage
oy having tooth pulled. If he yells he
is relegated to the home guard.
The report that the oyster crop has
failed on account of the drought proves
to be canard. The trouble is that the
beds were not properly weeded.
, Olive Logan recently captured the hearts
OF her male auditors by beginning lee
ture with: Whenever see pretty girl
| want to clasp her in my arms"
A circus man lemonade has been shot in
Kansas. Charging ten cents for glass of
colored water is not healthy in localities
where every man is his own lawyer.
A Milwaukee woman, intent upon sui
eide, drowned herself by resolutely hold
ing her face in a basin of water. Milwau-
kee has at last found a use for water.
In one year the baby elephant gained
seven hundred pounds on a diet consist
! ing exclusively of elephants milk This
: fact should be called to the attention of
Sarah Bernhardt.
The Baroness Burdett-Coutts is said by
the English papers to look fully ten years
younger than at the time of her marriage.
Rich old maids should cut this out and
paste it on their poodle dogs.
When the emperor of China travels in
public one hundred men dressed just like
him travel with him, so his identity can
not be discovered. 1t might be well to
adopt this plan in Russia and America.
The New York Express gives this adj
; vice, intended exclusively for New York
ears: Ladies' who so on Sunday excnr-
sions would do we'll to pick the bedbugs
from their costly and snowy dresses be-
fore starting"
The best medicine the President has
had lately was not prescribed by DR.. Bliss
but by matrimonial bliss. 1t was Mrs.
Garfeld's exclamation: "My dear, you
are going to get we'll" He has been get
ting better ever since.
In Idaho young lady punched out
one of black bears eyes with parasOl.
That bear will know better next time than
to go near u woman with parasol. He'll
, give her the whole sidewalk, same as we
poor men have to.-BOstoR Post.
A printer happened to strike New Mex
leo with IS in his pocket, and shortly
afterward located claim, which he sold
for $50, 900. Go to New Mexico. Another
man, presumably printer, went to New
Mexico with $4,000 in his pocket, and
after spending it all sold his claim for s..
Don't go.
The Philadelphia Ne'cs says "the hus-
band of the most handsomely dressed lady
at watering place can easily be recOgni-
zed by his shabby coat" That's what
somebody remarked to us yesterday when
we were carrying water from the street
watering-trOugh to water our hens.-Gt
n. IL