Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-05-18
Why Bill Isaues DIDN'T Marry.

II say, Jim," said Ned Dalton, as be
poked up the camp fire, ''why didn't Bill
Bates and Sue Parker get married. When
l was at the Snake Creek protracted meet
ing last spring, it sorter struck me that
they wus goin' to run the same brand"
"Well, said Jim Walker, as he pillowed
his head on saddle, that wua the general
calkerlation, but it all got busted up on ac-
count of..what happened at the fish fry the
Jones' folks give down at ther Spanish
Camp on the San Bernardo"
"What Bill didn't get on no hifalutin'
brazoo, like he's alters doin'. and stir up a
row!" inquired Ned.
mo, it warn't that" replied Jim, ''bul
1t might jest as well have been, cause Bill
Bates predickerment would We knocked any
courtin' match high'n'er kite. You see, all
ther gals from Damon's Mound aud up
| along Turkey Creek wer' at the fish-fry, and
everybody was havin' 'er hog killin' time,
but ther day was het, and while Bill Bates
wus dancIn' with Sue Parker every set, so
as to keep her penned up from the rest of
bows. he got to sweatin' worser 'er Niger
at 'er' lection. Bill knew when he got to
sweatin' he wouldn't smell good enough to
stay in company so he asked two or three
fellers who was loafin' round watin' fur the
grub to be sot out, to go up the creek
piece and have swim. They wus willin'.
and when they got to 'er bend in ther creek
short distance from ther fish fry they
commenced to shuck their clothes. Bill he
pulled off everything 'ceptin' his SHIRT, and
then sot down on 'er log to cool off Thar
wus 'er yaller jackets nest in ther log, and
ther bulge of Bill Bates anatersly wus
kivering the hole to the nest, and while
Bill sot thar them yaller jackets held 'er
convenshun or suthin' of ther kind and
made up their minds that they wus going
to raise the blockade. l guess everybody
knows that you don't have to spit in 'er
yaller jackets eye to make him mad, cause
ther insect is born mad and dies IN ther
same fix. While Bill was roosting on ther
| log, scratchin' and 'er coolin' of himself,
ther yaller jackets riz in their wrath and
Bill he riz with 'em. They lifted him like
torpeder, and when he hit ther ground
he was bleatin' louder'n 'er bull calf, and
er hundred yaller jackets was up under
his shirt, spurrin' him in ther fianks, and
maxim HIM buck over the ground like an
unbroke stud. He clawed at his shirt and
yelled to the boys TO come and help him
knock ther darn things off, but ther boys
laid down behind logs and told him they
wdrn't TO burned fools. Well, ther yaller
Jackets kept poppin' their spurs to him
fust on one side, then on t'other, till Bill
got sorter crazy, and he skedaddled down
the creek, headin' square for the fish fry
Sue Parker, with 'er lot of other gals and
'er parcel of galoots, wus up the road pickin'
blackberries. when they suddenly heard
ther all fTedest yellin' and snortip' and
ther next instant thar wus Bill Bates gal
lopin' by 'em faster 'n'er scared cayote and
tyIn' his level best to drag his on.y re-
mainIn' garment over his bead. The gals
weakened on ther FIST glimpse and made 'er
break fer the bush, skresmin' and askin'
what it was, kinder innocent like, and ther
fellers who was gallantin' 'em turned sorter
red in the face and said they guessed
somebody's horse broke loose somewhere
up ther creek and that they had better go
up and help catch ther arermal. In no
time the whole fish fry wus talkin' of Bill
Bates scanderlus actions, and Aunt Dero-
thy Briggs said it wus burnin' shame. and
he ougnter be hung, but Widow Bullock
said his daddy wus TUX down with ther
ianders fore Bill wus born, aud went crazy
and she thought insanity wus in Bills
blood, considerin' as how she had often no.
ticed kurious look in his eye. The thing
was talked about all over the neighborhood
and Bill writ to Sue Parker explalnin' as
how it happened, but she said he was dis
graced IN the community and she dldn t
want nuthin' to do with him. Bill also
heard it talked around that her folks said
they'd put the dogs on hun If he ever come
nigh the house again; and feelin' bad over
1t, he jIned Pete jennings herd, and went
up the Kansas trail That's how Bill and
Sue Parker didn't marry