The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1881-05-14
CURRENT FUN.

Illinois hogs get trichinosis, Ohio
hogs get all the fat offices.
Motto of the conscientious mani
would rather be right than be left.
Restaurant keepers find that the
ice cream customer takes the cake.
Solomon was the first man who
wanted to part the heir in the middle.
The difference between duck and
a girl is thas one is dressed to kill and
the other is killed to dress.
Why does the new moon remind
one of a giddy girl? Because she is
too young to show much reflection.
Senator Conkling has for years been
accustomed to speak Of the late acting
president as Hather-ffaud B. Hayes.
"Hew shalI we take the sense Of
this meeting ?" asked the chairman.
"Pass around your hat if you want
our cents" yelledlan unruly by.
""S-a-a-y, father, / learned some
thing new at school to-day" "What
was it ?" II learned to say yes SIR
and mo SIR "Did you?" "y-a-a>s.
Josh Billings says that an enthusiast
is man who believes about four
times as much as he can prove. and
can prove about four times as much
as anybody believes. o
sin what condition was the patri.
ach Job at the end of his life?' asked
Sunday school teacher of quiet
looking boy at the foot of the class.
"Dead," )" calmly replied the boy.
Florence-"Oh, grandma, isn't it
terrible ? There is a live dandelion
in the back yard" Grandma-"Oh,
gracious, how careless those circus
people are, What shall We do" u
The Boston transcripts funny man
attended the Protestant Episcopal
church once, opened the prayer book
and saw "collect" written so often
that he got up and left the church.
A Nevada girls love letter.-Dear
Jimm: It's all up. We amt going
to get married. Ma says you're too
rough, and l guess she's right. I'm
sorry but can't you go to Europe and
get fled down?
A fashionable belle wants to know
what shade will be most preferred this
coming summer. Well, the shade of
a big elm will be very popular, butat
the seaside the shade of a big umbrel-
la will be much sought after.
at is sad thing" said Mrs. Spill
kins to her husband, ''for a man to
have his will contested after he is
dead" Contested after he is dead !"
cried Spilkins. "That is not half SO
bad as to haze it contested after he is
married !"
There is a place for everything, fel-
low citizens, but there isn't a place
for every man. Remember that be-
fore you start for Washington IF
there is q place for every Ohio man,
it is Just about as much as there is
[ [Hawkeye.
What did Oliver Twist? What did
Charles Reade? What was it Bulwer
Lytton? What did Ivanhoe? What
was Wadorworth What did Mrs.
Mulock? Where did Victor Hugo?
Where did Charles Lever? What had
Mrs. Braddon
A famous New York physician
observes: "You can double the
circulation by washing the feet in cold
water before going to bed at night
and after getting up in the morning
This is highly important discovery
for newspaper proprietors.
When you wan: the pure adultera-
ted facts about America it is necessa-
ry to read the papers published in
the smaller cities of France. Here
is literal translation of an editorial
in Lyons paper: "rThe Congress o.
the United States has been possession
of taken by Monsieur Mahony, gen.
eral officer of belonging to Read.jus-
ting in the State Virginia in the Old
Dominion. He the members has
locked up dead (nOt). and will permit
the General Couquerlin not to them
remove. The President has
for Monsieur Ruddlebegger
dispatched, to Monsieur Ma
hony force away. Monsieur Mas
hony speaks he will to the termina-
ton acrid out certain. Benhill is to the
capital.