Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-10
A Funny Flambeau.

A party of men assembled at Tommy
Gents bar-room, and after comparing
notes and telling some big stories, the
conversation gradually drifted to the
comparative sizes of the chests of the
parties present. Finally some one pro-
posed that they measure chests. A tape
hue was accordingly procured and the
measuring commenced Each party
swelled his chest to its greatest capacity.
and the measuring continued with an
abundance of mirth and good humor.
At last Gent took the line, and passed it
around the chest of M. Quinn. and was
apparently greatly pleased with the re-
suit. To express his satisfaction, he
placed his hands ON either side of Quinn's
head and commenced rubbing his ears.
He had drawn his hands across the ears
only twice, when he was frightened
nearly out of his wits by seeing bright
flame shoot quickly upward, reaching
nearly to the ceiling The friction caused
by rubbing the ears seemed to have
caused the spark, which ignited the hair
and the blaze sprang up almost in
stantly.
70 say that Gent was Mortified is put
ting it mild He thought he had been
the involuntary tool used to bring about
Quinn's destruction by fire. The reader
can imagine what his feelings would be
were he to simply place his hand on
friends ear and instantly he should find
the friends head in flames Gent
spra1g back, threw up his hands, and
calculated:
My Godl what is it?'
And still the flames rolled on.
Gents face turned pale and the other
gentlemen in the party hastily made
room for the human Aambeau, who, as
he hastily paced the room, reminded one
forcibly of the Circassian beauty with
the red porcupine hair, only he had fire
instead of hair. Some of the inmates of
the room yelled fire, fire, and others of
a more religious turn of mind commenced
praying. Gents knees were beating the
devils tattoo on each other, as he ner-
vonsly chung to the counter. He subse-
quently said he thought the master me-
chanic from Hades had surely come to
see him.
Finally, after some lively work, the
man whose head was being cremated
succeeded in extinguishing the confia-
grafton without calling out the fire de-
partment. AS soop as he had the fire I'M
der control his companions regained their
senses and gradually approached him.
''Sure nm / didn't know you was
loaded" said Gent.
Do you have such spells often?"
asked another
+" knew you were gassing fearfully, :"
chimed in q third; 'but didn't think
you would go off in that way"
And 50 they continued, while the man
who was indulgipg In the torchlight pro-
cession proceeded to explain
1t seems that QUINN a baker of bread,
and while at work frequently has occa-
sion to look in the ovens, which are dark.
When doing so he merely strikes
match. In order to have the matches
handy, he has acquired habit of carry
ing handful back of his ears.
Using ears for match-safe is a new
idea, and should be patented.
However the matches being stored
away in the suburbs of Quinn's ears,
they were ignited by coming in contact
with Gents hands, which are made rough
by honest toll The hair was oily, and
what followed was nothing more nor less
than an oil fire.-OH City Derrick.