Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1881-11-24
PUNGRNT PARAGRAPHS.

Does not the man who gets damned
in fight feel little sheepish?
"Laugh and grow fat" if you are
lean; weep and grow lean, il you are
fat.
A correspondent writes TO inquire If
he can secure berth on board court
ship.
The man who had fist thrust at
his nose said he was shaken to the
scenter.
Cards announcing the birth Of child
are now the fashion. Bawl tickets, so
to speak.
The schoolmaster is q very inquisi-
tive person. He is always asking
questions.
Speak gently 1t is better far
To rule by love thaa fear
Besides, some chap mig ght raise q chair
And lamm yoI on tho car.
There is one branch Of etiquette that
the tree is proficient in, viz, the
bough. And the tree also knows when
to leave.
The following typographical error
shows the vast importance of comma.
At a banquet this toast was given
"Woman-without her man, is a brute.'s
The most horrible case of insanity in
the Massachusetts, asylum is that OF =
man who imagines he is a Chicagoan.
He gets up in the middle Of the night
TO brag.
Some one has discovered that the
big, vide brim hats the ladies are wear
ing this winter will hold bushel of
oats. Now we know what the hats are
good for.
She (of literary turn: Doesn't
this remind You of lawn fete under
Louis XIV.T he matter of factl.
" Beg pardon, that was rather before
my time, you know" lSilence).
A French writer remarks eff lady
says to you, 1 can never love you wait
little longer all hope is not lost.
But If she says, No one has more sin
cere wishes for your happiness than l.
take your hat"
1t is rumored that Edison is invent
ing a talking machine, and excited
women all over the coast are shaking
their fingers at him and telling him
they will brook no rival. He is tread
ing on dangerous ground.
The Chinese government is going 10
build some railroads, and soon will be
heard in the land the voice of the CeIes-
tial brakeman: "Hooppee Yang-tze-
kiang junction Trainee stopee ten
minutes, eatee and drinkee 7"
Political equality is we'll enough, but
social equality is out of the question.
Newspaper men are very self-sacrificing.
but it is too much to expect them to as
sociate with shoddy millionaircs who
murder the English language every
time they open their months.
An Iowa dog has cost i.s owner $3.50
in dam ages for bites, and the man de-
clares that impecunious neighbors hang
around on purpose 10 be bitten, know
ing that he settled the claims
promptly. 1t is hard 10 decide whether
to class this as q fact or as biting
sarcasm.
A very gushing young lady turned to
Mr. Snap and asked him in passionate
tones 0h-ah-Mr. Snap. tell mel
What-whas--is your idea Of real happi-
ness" Mr.. Snap" Never reached the
full meaning of the word yet but /
guess pork ard beans would cover the
ground"
An old fellow whose daughter had
failed to secure . position as teacher.
IN consequence Of not passing N ex-
animation, said They asked her
lots Of things she didn't know. LoOk
at the history questionss They asked
about things that happened before che
was born. How vas she 30 know about
thems Why they asked her about OF
George Washington and other men she
never knew. That wzs pretty cert q
examination ~