The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-01-19
BEAUTIFUL LUNA.
A Sparkling, First Glass Essay on a
Modest, Second Glass Planet. "a
10 the Editor Of The morristown .t aazette:

n and coal oil, prevent extravaganza
y !. in candles and wear and tear of lam
terms. Such people value the heav-
; emily bodies as children do coins,-
r according to their relative bright
ness. In comparison with the sun,
q they estimate the moon lightly
while as for the stars, they are of
: minor Importance. f.-.
Should you, on some delicious sum-
mer night, when the full moon is
shining down upon the smiling earth,
flooding it with a golden light, sill
vering the quivering leaves of the
forest gliding the tiny ripple of the
mountain tarn and casting over the
broad landscape a mantle woven
with pearls, should youremark, fare
you aware that Luna is now nearer
to us by some 239, ,999 miles, they
: will calmly reply, with an Indifferent
attempt at interest, F." Well, I say ''
| You often hear of a wet and dry
moon This is the result of ignor-
ance Matter of fact savans, like !
old fashioned doctors in cases of fe-
yer, refuse to allow the moon drop
Of water, and, cruel as Surajah Dow
lah to the English inthe Black Hole
at Calcutta, assign her a place void |
Of atmosphere. There can be no
sea views, no sea bathing in the |
moon. No cataracts, no cascades,
no mineral springs, no watering
places, no summer hotels Flirta-
tions are impossible. Runaway
matches are of rare occurrence. Old I
maids are abundant, for, think Of it,
there is but one man in the moon.
God bless him !-and we are not
sure he STAYS there In the diary
of Mother Goose we are told that on
one occasion he came down, at an
unprecedented hour, to inquire con
cerning the Norwich route Wheth- +
er he entertained preference for
the Pan Handle route we are not in
formed nor whether he went any
where; but, upon the same day we
are told man in Australia burned r
his mouth, "eating cold plum por-
ridge" This violence to the superi-
or orifce could only have occurred
I
trial dainties, and the individual
must have been the Norwich pass
enger. But the moon has no water!
Ducks and bull fregs do not sue
ceed, as rule. No oysters, and the
cheese has a green tinge. Whisky {
they absorb perpendicularly, and the
general health is remarkable Drop Y
sy is an unheard of disease, and ev-
is hung. And man in a l
bathing suit would be a terrifcsight l
to the chaste old maids of that chaste 1
luminary. No umbrellas, no over G
shoes, no soap, no bath tubs, no
squirts And then the country can I
not have any cotton factories, steam 1
engines or foundries hence the ag- @
itation of the tariff would be dry t
business. And, at the same time, the '
country could not be adapted to t
slave labor. On the question of pol d
itics, It's a greenbaek party in a e
green cheese section, Z
Poets have always alluded to the a
moon as lady, and these gentry are :
best acquainted with her, The fair t.
sex, to woman, are all admirers of ?
the moon; and as ladies are not L
prone to speak favorably of their e
own sex, it may be presumed she is 8
IF the gender feminine. But -Addi- 0
son, who was a scholar and a gen b
,leman (and, the weight of authori-
y admits, played upon the German q
iute,) writes: d
Soon as the evening shades prevail q q,
The moon takes up the Wsnd'rOus tale, u
And nightly, to the listening earth, ii
Pepeats the story of her birth ii le
While all the stars that round her burn, "
And all the planets G1l their turn, 500. "
Confirm the tidings, as they roll,
And spread the truth from pole to pole" d
Addison's meaning is allegorical, le
out palpable Who but feminine Il
,ould talk all night and every night b
md never tire withal Then the P
tars and planets are indubitably of
he sterner sex. Although alike af- b
ected with cacethes loquendi, they N
lot only abide their turn, like gen m
lemen, but meanwhile lay down and
oil and yell out that's so !" while
he more active rush to- the nearest C
Office and transmit the la
Jews all over the universe. p
The moon is not only beauty, m
'ut she is somebody-one of the ce
ligher classes-moves in a higher Q,
phere. The heather say she was to
be daughter of Hyperion and Thea ii
nd the sister of the Sun and Auro- la
a (not Aurora Borealis, she come of ci
Northern family and is but dis e7
antly related. The moon, like to
ONE other children we have heard b.
f, was born of one of her aunts; so e.
hat, had she been sent to call her n,
ather, she would have been justified fr
q styling him, "Uncle Hy." Ac- OF
ording to Judge Moses (who is un- &C
sually accurate) the moon was born re
n the Sd of January, 0001. Since OF
hat time, with'the sun as partner, b.
he has been dancing attendance of
pom Earth, ruling the night, while pl
er brother has regulated the affairs di
f the day. CT
Once only have the twain rested 81
rom their labors. Twas at the re- til
uest of Joshua, (who got somewhat it
elated in a skirmish with the Five al
ings, some years ago) The sun pl
TODD still over Gibeon, while her al
ister reclined in the Vale of Ajalon re
herself 4
BRIC-A-BRAC. IA
=, - ------ re
Bernhardt's corsets are inclined or
. be temperate. They never get co
n a genuine bust-Quiney Modern to
Argo And still they are not total f.
for Sara's corsets take a 81
tick in theirs. 1rns NJ
h.