New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1881-01-26
Making Rome Attractive,

Mr: HlgSlnbottom deeply beWalled
his fondness for rum and concert
saloons, but he appealed to all I'M
prejudiced men to concede that he was
really blameless. eff my home was
only made attractive to me, gentlemen"
he was in the habit of saying to the
members of leading temperance
society who periodically called on him
to urge him to reform, Il would gladly
spend all my evenings at home, but as
it is am literally driven to seek COM
fort elsewhere, though I am man
eminently fitted to enjoy the pleasures
of home life.'' So struck were several
temperance men with the force of Mr..
Higginbottom' s remarks that not long
ago they called on his wife and begged
her to make an effort to save her I'M
happy husband by making home at
tractive.
Mrs. Higginbottom consented to
make the desired effort, and, as a first
step visited her husbands favorite
concert saloon under the protection of
disguise and a detective officer. When
she had learned what were the attrac-
tions which most powerfully appealed to
Mr.. Higginbottom' mind she proceeded
to reproduce them as far as practicable
in her own house. She had the parlor
carpet taken up and the bare floor
nicely sprinkled with beer and the
stumps of cigars. She removed the
pictures from the walls and hung in
their places cheap and gaudy chromos
representing impossible young women
in undesirable costumes. Two dirty
wooden tables and a supply of wooden
chairs from the kitchen completed the
furniture Of the room and it began to
assume a really attractive appearance.
Before the hour of her husbands re-
turn from his business Mrs. Higginbot-
tom hired a man to play on an accordion
and another to torture violin,
besides three professional drunkards of
great indecency of appearance and con-
duct, and notorious burglar, kindly
furnished for the occasion by the police
captain OF the precinct. There were in
the kitchen two Irish girls, who were
decidedly ugly, but who were clean,
decent and modest girls. These two
she instructed in the art of serving
beer and spirits, and dressed them in
costumes that were extremely vulgar,
though they could not be said to be
improper. Having thus arranged all
things, she met her husband at the
door and escorted him to the dining
room, where he ate his dinner, uncon-
seious of the transformation that had
been wrought in his front parlor.
After dinner Mr.. Higginbottom lit his
cigar and remarked that he must go out
for an hour or two to see a friend. His
wife, with a sweet smile, told him that
he need not go out, for she had finally
discovered how to make home attract
i've to him. So saying, she showed
him into the parlor and led him to
scat at one of the dirty tables. The
fiddler and the accordion player imme-
diately struck up; the drunkards, at a
sign from Mrs. Higginbottom, began to
swear and wrangle. and the burglar
sided up to Mr.. Higginbottom and in
vited him to take a drink. The two
Irish girls brought beer and spilled it on
Mr.. Higginbottom's table; they called
him ''Dear'' and asked him to "open
a bottle of wine,' and Mrs. Higginbot-
tom, apologizing for the fact that they
were undeniaoly decent girls, assured
her husband that. nevertheless, she was
confident she had finally learned
how to make home attractive; that she
hoped to spend many jolly evenings
with him and would like hot whisky
without any further delay.
MIR. Higginbottom was at first COM
pletely dazed, but in a few moments he
recovered his reason. He ordered the
girls to go into the kitchen and stay
there, and he pitched the drunkards
out of the front door and ordered the
musicians and the burglar to follow
them. Then he informed his wife that
he had been an idiot of the largest size,
and that if she would restore the parlor
to its former condition he would stay at
home and make no further complaint of
its want of attractiveness.-MT 7. Times