The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-10-06
The Hammock.

There is something about a hammock
that is indescribable, and there is no
rule that can be made hat will insure
safety while sitting in n of the queer
things. There are people who believe
that q hammock understands what is 60
ing on, and occasionally INDUCES in a
joke. It is certain that an old per-
son with a lame back can swing in a
hammock half the day and it will never
kick up. Servant girls and children can
get into q hammock as thick as three in
q bed, and there is no danger, but let q
spoony young couple sit down in a ham
mock aver so carefully and it seems as
though the COMPOUNDED thing was alive,
and had taken q contract to spill them
out on the ground in all sorts Of embar-
RAISING shapes. What it is that causes
the commotion will perhaps never be
known, without an investigation by
some middle-aged person, and, if the
season was not SO near over, we would
investigate the blasted thing ~ourself,
in the interest of our young readers
who are in the full flush of
hammockhood. There can be moth
ing much more annoying to a young
couple than to be sitting side by side or
facing each other, in a hammock, look
ing into each others eyes, and allowing
the love they dare not speak to show
itself in those orbs, and just as they are
feeling as though they couldn't live a
minute unless they clasped each other to
each others heaving bosoms, or at least
n heaving bosom and n boiled shirt,
and then have the hammock turn bot
tom side up and land them on the back
of their necks, on the ground, with legs
pointed toward the crab apples on the
trees to which the hammock is hitched,
arms finging wildly to pull down panta-
looms legs, and hands convulsively claw
ing gravel, and muslin and delaine, while
bushes suffuse faces that but a moment
before were background for the picture
of loves young dream, and a or wd of
spectators on the hotel veranda laugh
ing and saying, "Set EN- up again"
the hammock shakes itself and turns
right side up for other victims, as
though it knew what it had been doing,
and enjoyed it. There are young men
all over the land who have been through
such experiences, and had to walk back
ward all the way to the house, owingto
! fssure veins being discovered in the
wearing apparel below the suspenders,
while the number of girls that have been
mortified by having TO go to the house
with their back hair in one hand, then
skirts in the other, while six places be-
tween the polonaise and the earrings
were aching like the toothache from con.
tact with the gravel path, are legion,
and we call upon the authorities to sup
press the hammock as q nuisance. More
matches have been broken up by ham
mocks than by all the Sunday schools IL
the world, and no girl who is bow.
legged, or has an ankle like q rutabaga,
should ever trust herself in a hammock
ever though it is held by half a dozen
friends, as the hammock will shy at
piece Of paper as quick as a skittisl
horse, and in such a moment as We thinl
not you are on all tours, your heai
dizzy, and if there is a hole in YOU
stocking as small as the old miser',
heart, It will look to outsiders a.
big as the gate to a fair ground. o
a hammock is worse than a bicycle
PecE's Sun.