The People's vindicator. [volume] (Natchitoches, La.) 1874-1883, 1881-01-15
SELF.ACCUSATION.

HAVE FILTERED away the happiness Of my
life..
Why did marry her? had often made
this mental query; did so in the very days
which directly followed our honeymoon.
Still loved her, as love her still. The fact
b, should never have married at all.
She is most peculiar character. I did
not understand her in her girlhO0d, and,
iear, do not understand her vet. Ideas are
iesmenting within her, of which I can form
- conception; and now and then her eyes
reject strange, incOmprehensible emotions.
which soon again disappear to her inner
tlt Just like prisoners who at times peep
ioni nom their bars into the outer world.
anthem retire again to the cOnceaiment OF
their cells. She is my wife and l hold her
slew other men would. She bears my
n.me, sits by my side when drive out. or
takes my arm when I promenade: but /
know perfectly we'll that the loved one be.
longs no longer to me, that she Is but the
shadow Of the blithe Pauline whom won in
the bloom OF her rosy youth.
she had been an unfoved child. Hence,
from her infsncy, she had striyen for inde-
pendence, ana ut nineteen her object was
gained. At that age she was already earn
1g snvelln0od by writing Tor different pub
ncatlons. That was for her y period of
struggling and suffering, which taught her
LESSONS tnat are seldom learned until the
nall 10 already silvered, which imposed bur-
oens upon her that should by right be borne
only by age and manhood. But she knew
now 10 preserve her youthful freshness of
nind and body. she conquered all hard.
snlps, and was when first met her an id.
ml!ed and courted authoress. But now, ex.
nilog IN happy independence and easy cir.
substances, she failed to profit by the les
IONS taught her in bitter experience. She
renamed . wOman-whose reason is i'm.
Pulse, whose principal is inclination, whose
whole being is one breath Of love.
she was not beautiful, hardly even pretty.
Guy mere was something's don't know what
IN ner enchanting face, in the unaffected
snetveseence OF her ways, that bewitched
everybody. For her sake, old men - well
y young ones became guilty OF the most
ssIegtous follies. She did not trust them:
nel experience protected her from that: but
HeIuaps she amused herself with them till
sae was tired of them or until new whims
se9aged her fancy.
II was In the country that l learned to
NOV her. Although Instantly related. we
lad never met. So fate brought me during
hummer vacation to my aunt, who was living
W small, picturesque village on the Pataps.
%. Had l been cognizant Of Pauline's pres.
ence, should not have gone thither. / en-.
~, MItained sort Of aversion for the woman.
what heard Of her in the city was not col.
salated to raise her very high in the estima.
aoa o. staid, dignified limb Of the law like
Ny autt received me warmly. but her
ntst words after the greeting, the announce
neat that Pauline had come a week before.
saa would in all likelihood stay some time
longer. threw chill upon me. l could not
snnogether conceal my displeasure. My aunt
observed it.
Come. come, George" she said, ':do not
OndeMn her before you know her; this YOU
~. Wll nave ample opportunity to do in the
ume You remain here"
Iauslne was not in the cottage. After OK.
ssa.nihg my room, dispOsing of my luggage,
saa arranging my dress strollcd into the
IOus 70 seek my favOrite haunts. Nearing
osely, secluded spot, close by the bank Of
~ ~ stream was wont to frequent on former
..M 70 my aunt, was suddenly arrested
S. progress BY the menacing growls Of q
~ reering through the bushes, I saw a
gu sitting upon messy knoll, beneath =
i isaaS holly; at her feet lay a large New.
~,..nIa!and, who had raised his head and
s1er. ''''' :" '"'es'c"'"s '"a"'
MAJ, aae gisi turned and beheld me, still half
ss Saea BY the shrnbbery, staring in aston
ssneEry laugh. Wv ' '''o
Conscious that ! presented a rather ludi.
picture. l advanced and said coldly:
"a He you Pauline
:. % lam called. y
- .eega.!n, for am George ~ 80 % '''
an Cousin George. We had been ex.
ling you. When did you arrive:''
- -. VAC already reached those years In which
~ nsirs begin to appear here and there
=. aa,k' haired people. /, too, had once
~ rea iondly Of love and friendship, but
4 SHOWN in reality what it was to love