davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
WIT AND WISDOM.

A crematory is not dairy
LoWeN Courier. ras.r....
FRIDAY is an unlucky day for fish.
Boston Times. So,
Has great heeling properties-The
mule. -YGWcob Strauss.
dropping the h is an ex-aspirating
habit.-Boston Transcript. Z 'itt5
The season of flies hath limit, but
the season of lies endureth forever
Yonkers Gazette. ''' '~
"a babe" says a writer, sis a
mothers anchor We have often
heard that the first thing they do is to
weigh it.-Psilaielphia News.
"A Michigan man says he never saw
a prettier woman than one from Chica-
90, who had red hair, a zigzag nose,
had lost her teeth and was cross-eyed.
Bad tate? Oh, no. Man born blind
Boston Post.
When some one can invent FIVE
barreled revolver which can be sold for
twenty-five cents every city can do
away with at least two school-hOuses at
the end OF the first year. 1t is simply
necessary to buy little more brrying-
ground. Detroit Free Press.
IS. Pox. who has just arrived in
New York, can not write his name.
But he makes his mark..-Bufalo 4yevs.
A humorous chap, no doubt, who is to
be pitted. Shouldn't wonder if the
rash man was lunatic who had just
broke out. -IaUc0b Strauss.
Have a paper?' bawled news
boy to an old gentleman from the coun-
try on Galveston avenue. "No hurry,
sonny. Perhaps after you have read it
I'll glance over it, and as he passed on
down the street he murmured, :. Nice
folks, these Galveston people, so polite
to a stranger! I've notion of coming
here to live. Galvest0u Ne,0s. n :
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
" Dot Poy Of M'ne."

One Of the teachers in the public
schools actually received the other day
an excuse, unique in its way, and writ
ten in behalf of delinquent pupil by
the father. No teacher could hold such
an excuse not valid even under the re-
quirements of the new code of the Board
Of Education. It runs in this wise:
..Mr. Teacher: Dot poy of mine vos
absent de oder day ven he shtaid out.
He got one big colt init in his neck vat
make him much trouble all the vile.
Please don't give him some punishment
ven he was late in the morning. He
woultgo there shust in time every day,
but he is not himself to blame. he is got
no mother. She vos dead ten years
ago. am this boys parent, by his
mother before she was dead. IN r.
Express.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
FACTS AND FIGURES.


Chicago boasts of $1,000 opium
eaters, while St.. Louis has but 10000. :
There are about 1900 rscehorses
training for this years contests in the
United States. 4 cDgE.,er
Canada received nearly $1,000
immigrants last year, as against $1,000
for the year previous. Il r.ftfrf
1T is stated that coal mines have
been discovered near Presidio in Mex
leo. The veins are quite rich.
The Southwestern Railway Com
pany of England are offering to let
waste lands on their railway slopes for
cultivation. ''s'
Ten years ago the total export of
grain from all parts of the United
States was ~, 122, 1913 bushels; last year
it amounted to 228, $50. 947 bushels.
From March 1, 1880, to March 1,
1881. 1000, 900 ofhogs entered Chicago,
and not one Of them left the city alive.
Meanwhile Cincinnati played second
fiddle. ,Fsh
The silk industries of the United
States last year gave employment to
"a, 40 operatives. who were paid an
aggregate of 80, 1O7, 1886 in wages. Cen
sus office returns show that the total
value of finished silk goods produced in
this country during the year was nearly
$35, 600, 900, and the capital invested
$19, 900, 900.
From an acre 6f land at Bristol,
r. l., Mr.. Arthur Goldman gathered
last year $500 pounds (126 bushels) of
grapes, some clusters weighing pound
and half each, and all perfectly ripe.
The vineyard contains $50 Concord
vines. twelve years old, and kept low
and closely pruned. The grapes yielded
$50 gallons of wine. p.
Steam carriages for the transport
ing of goods are being successfully used
on the streets of Chemnitz, in Saxony,
without rails. The carriages travel to
all parts of the town. on, rises aud on
descents, making various curves with
much ease and grace. and as yet with
out single accident, usually carrying
heavy loads.
The proportion between the popu-
lation of various countries and the
length of their railways has been care
fully tabulated by Prof. Sturmer, of
BrOmberger, and from this it appears
that appears that for the whole Of Eu-
rope the average is about 4. kilometers
to 10000 inhabitants. 1t is in Greece
that the proportion is least, namely,
O.O5 kilometer per 10000 persons.
Then comes Turkey, with 1.6 kilometer;
Portugal, 2.3; Russia, 80; Italy, 80;
France. 6.3; Germany, IL; Great Brit
ain, 81. and, lastly, Sweden, 1913,
which takes the first place, though the
length of its railway lines is not fifth
of that of England. In Asia there is
only O.16 ki!ometer per 10000 people.
and in Africa OH. In the United
States the proportion is 32.9; while for
the whole of America it is .17.9, and 10.6
| for Australia. -
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
Getting Ready for War.

THE Greeks are taking time by the fOrelOck.
While the Ambassadors of the Great Powers
are playing at battledoor and shuttlecock with
the Turks at Constantinople, the Greeks are
preparing for war. They have had long ex-
perience with the Turk, and are therefore not
surprised by his procrastination and his policy
of "hOodwinking." 1t is said that the only
way the Turk could deceive the Greeks would
be by telling them the truth. Then they
would be completely nonplussed. The Greeks
have insisted all along that the Sultan must
give up the territory cedcd to them by the
Berlin treaty, or must fight. The great moral
argument continually thrust at them by the
Powers, that "peace. hath her victories no less
renowned than war;, has been regarded with
indifference. All day long the bugle call re-
sounds over the Athenian plains, regiment
succeeds regiment, and squadron succeeds
squadron. Parks of artillery meet the eye in
every quarter. The streets of Athens are full of
officers; soldiers conveying horses for the use
OF the cavalry are continually coming into the
city, and the surrounding plains are occu-
pied by men of all arms about to embark.
Athens has become vast camp. Seventy-five
thousand well-discipiined soldiers are massing
upon the frontier. The infantry are equipped
with the Austrian Dreech-loading gun. The
cavalry have German sabers, and the accOu
terments come from Russia. The artillery are
furnished with ri1ed guns, from the Krupp
mandatory at Essen, for siege work, and
Armstrong guns from the United States, for
mountain service. Twenty thousand chase.
pots have already been manufactured, and are
now stored in the several military depots.
The uniform of the Greek infantry resembles
that worn by the Italian foot soldier, being of
iron gray, trimmed with red. AL the best
families In Greece are represented in the
army. Young men who have been brought up
in luxury have gladly thrown aside their lib.
erty and submitted to the rigors and re-
straints of camp life. Nearly all of thcm bear
upon their arms the names of forefathers who
were cruciHed or burned alive by the urks in
the last war, and when they speak of the i'm
pending conflict their eyes sparkle with hatred
of the Turk. The modern Athens resembles
Nice-not the Nice of the Italians, but Nice
since its possession by the French. 1t is filled
with large hotels and gardens and vast man.
sions OF stone and marble. The streets are
wide and the shops many and attractive. Even
the shOpkeepers have caught the war fever,
and display in their windows carricatures of
the hated Turk. The King is about to put
himself at the head of his troops, and it has
been determined that as soon as war is declar-
ed Epirus and Thessaly shall be occupied. In
a recent interview with the correspondent of
the Paris Figaro at Athens, the famous Greek
statesman NJ. Tricoupis is reported to have
said that war was inevitable. A number of
war correspondents Of the London press have
Just arrived In Athens.--N. Y. Sun.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
How q Young Amateur Musician Was
Snuffed Out.

II think" said a well-known orches-
trail leader, 1.-the best joke ever PLAYED
in this town was on an ambitious anna
teur pianist when Gotschalk was here.
The amateurs father was the owner of
a large hall, and he offered the use of it
to Gotschalk for his benefit. There was
to be piece for eight pianos, and the
amateur was to play one of the instru-
ments. was leader. I thought Cots
chalk would have tit when told him
that the amateur couldn't play three
straight notes of the piece.
'He il sure to throw us all out" said
/, land ruin the performance"
'.Gotschalk swore like a Major, but
twas no good. The bills were out, and
he couldn't go back of his programme.
even if the gift of the hall for the night
was no consideration to him. At last l
hit on an idea that fixed the whole bust
ness. The amateur came down to re-
hearsal and we praised him up until he
thought he was to be the star of the
night. AS soon as he left we took the
hammers out of his piano and made it
as dumb as an oyster. | guessed he
would never know the difference with
seven pianos going at once.
"And just as 1 thought" said the
leader, "that amateur or his friends
never discovered the trick"
mop
"No, sir; he just sailed in and pound
ed on that piano as if it was the worst
enemy he ever had. He was bound to
show off among so many good pianists
and hammered on his keyboard until
the perspiration nearly blinded him.
Now and then l looked at him approx
ingly to give him fresh courage. and ev-
cry time did he gave the piano a lick
that nearly made lnatchwood of it. His
friends all around threw bouquets at
him till he looked like wedding arch,
and when twas all over his fond parent
fell ON his neck in the green-room and
slipped check for $3.50 and pass to
the springs into his hand. The old man
didn't know whether he was standing
on his head or his heels, he was so
tickled, and the way he set up the wine
for the crowd was caution"
".Didn't he do fne,' said he to me.
Among SO many tirst-class profession
ais, too.'
al never heard an amateur do so well
in public said /, and what's more l
meant Itch? Don't you think l was
rightT'--San Francisco Chronicle.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
Imprisoned in a Well.

AT Ballwyl, village near Lucerne, in Switz-
erland, a well had been sunk and the sides
supplied with stone walls. One of the ma
sons. of the name of Zaver Mattmann, went to
the bottom of the we'll, in order to see if the
work was done all right. While he was down
the side walls gave way, but, fortunately, be-
ginning with the bottom part, otherwise the
falling stones must have killed the man at
once. As it happened, the stones falling upon
him pressed hard upon him, but did not kill
him. 1.-THE upper part of the walls came
down by degrees" Mattmann reported: II
heard the noise for about ten minutes, one
stone following slowly upon the other. was
pressed with my back against a board, my
right arm about my head. the left arm upon
my chest, the right log bent hack in the
knee joint, the left leg stretched out
straight. A big stone was resting upon my
head, slanting toward the forehead, a big
round stone was upon either check, a big one
just under my chin, forcing my head a little
upward against the top stone. The biggest
and heaviest stone I had upon my chest.
Every limb of mine was pressed in tight with
st0nes-a movement, ever SO small, impossi-
BILE. In this fearful situation l stopped from
Monday at four O'Clock in the afternoon I'M
til Friday evening at six-that is fully ninety
eight hours-at q depth of one hundred feet
O0lOW IQ0 SuElUCSs Ulku VIII IOHu Vi StUHSS
eighty to ninety feet high resting upon me.
My hat was pressed down upon my nose, my
pipe was stuck fast in my mouth. The rope
which was to have lifted me out passed along
upon my chin, mouth. nose and forehead. and
may have been my best protection against
the stones pressing together upon my
my presence Of mind did not forsake me. a
most remarkable sense of my rescue being
quite certain sustaining me in my desperate
position and inspiring me with the determine
zion to stand 1t. suffered no pains but very
hard pressure, and felt very thirsty: l slept
re peatedly. heard the sound of bells: Ialso
perceived when the lab0rs of rescuing me
were commenced. It was sound like chick
ems picking up corn from a wooden board.
The sound becoming clearer made me per
ceive the progress Of the work. although not
clearly. When thought the workmen were
within hearing called out to them." Friday
at noon thu first stone from the head Of the
man buried alive was removed; at three o clock
his head aid chest were free, and he could
tnke something to eat. At six O'clock he was
out. None Of his limbs were broken; there
were only some Commissions Of his body, but
the skin was perfectly insensible for length
Of time.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
A Number That Repeated Itself.

It is seldom that given number can
be found to repeat itself in so singular
and significant manner as in the fol-
lowing case: On the 10Th day of Oc-
tober, George A.. Wheeler strangled his
sister-in-law. Adella j. Tilson, under
circumstances unparalleled in the an
nails of crime on this coast. On the
10th day of November he was indicted
by the Grand Jury. On tne 18th day
Of December he was arraigned for the
crime. On the 10Th of January he was
convicted Of murder in the first degree.
and on the 10th day of February he was
sentenced to be hanged on Tuesday,
the 18th Of April, by the neck until he
was dead. Evidently ~ is an un or
tunate and unlucky number for Wheel
er.-San francisco EzGnsissey.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
Blowing Up the. Signal Service Man.

It is well for his peace of mind that
our local Signal Corps observer is locat-
ed about half mile above the ordinary
walks of life. Were he down on the
first floor he would be shot at three or
four times per week until he was gradu-
ally killed and buried. Yesterday fur
nished fair sample of the way most
people would talk to him if they could
get at him. He was busy with the
temperature of the clover lake region
when a citizen, putting like whale on
lee shore, gained the towerand began:
"It's showing"
EYES," was the quiet reply.
"It's showing like Texas!'
EYES," again.
Yesterday we had dust. two inches
deep, and now we have snow enough
for sleighing!"
IL guess we have" 80. -....-
"And it's going to snow all day, I
supPose?" ,, =. ..,.. -.
"And we'll have mud and slush and
slosh for the next week."
Every likely"
Every likely! Why, sir, LI-why
-r' - - -" . =. ~, -.
He was so mad he couldn't finish ex.
cept by pounding on the table.
IL don't make the weather, you
know, humbly observed the Signal
man.
"You don't. eh! Then who does9'
Mature" - If
"Where is she, or he, or whatever its
blasted sex is? just tell me who to hit
and I'll knock him higher'n q kite?"
"Well, don't blame me-"
81 will! Young man feel like
whacking your
"Oh. don't"
"Snow! What business has it to
snow this time O year? Why. sir. it's
the biggest nonsense ever heard Of!
But let Ter snow, and hail, and rain, and
slush, and slop over! Hang me, but J.
can stand it If the rest can, and rhbe
darned if don't stand it! Yes, sir. Eli
wade through your old slush and grow
fat on it! I'll sing-yes. III sing as !
wade through your Internal snow, and
the sorer my throat is the harder III
sing! Go right ahead with your old
weather, sir-keep right on-g0od day,
sirr'-Detroit Free Press.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
Now You See It--Now You Don't

The editor Of the Louisville Medical
News believes thatwe Judge Of distance
and form with both eyes. and that we
judge of direction with only one eye,
which 10 the right orsleft. according as
the observer is right or lettshaAded.
To prove this he suggests the follow
ing experiment: ''As you sit IN your
chair point to any object across the
room with both eyes open and no at
.empt at sighting Close the left eye
and YOU will find You. are still accu-
rateiy ON the object. but close the right
eye and you will discover with your
present vision you are pointing clean
over to the right, provided you are
right handed" Whichever hand il used
il pointing, the result y tAs Ane<.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
THE NEWS.
Compiled from Latest Dispatches
From Washington.


SENATOR EDxuNDs returned to Washing
ton on the 18th from Florida and occupied
mis- seat In the Senate. He seemed greatly
improved in health, and his special trouble,
bronchitis, had entirely disappeared.
MRS. SEcRRTARr BLAINE, Mrs. General
sherman, Mrs. Senator Logan, Mrs. Senator
fendleton, Mrs. Judge Harlan, and several
other ladies Of Washington, have issued an
appeal In behalf OF the sufferers BY the earth
quake at Sco. They call on Catholic, Prot.
estant and Hebrew clergymen to take up
collections in their churches, the Presidents
OF commercial exchanges and managers in
moneyed institutions and good people gen.
orally to assist In collecting, and to contribute
Themselves.
SECRETARY WINDOW. has issued a call for
the outstanding six-per cent bonds Of 1861
and 1853 aggregating in amount $l95, 69), 400.
He announces that, in case any of the hold
ers OF said bonds shall request to have their
bonds continued during the pleasure of the
Government with interest at the rate Of three
and half per cent. per annum, in lieu of
their payment at the date above specified,
such request will be granted If the bonds are
received By the Secretary Of the Treasury for
that purpose on or before the 10th of May,
1851.
IT is estimated that the importation into
this country of foreign gold bullion and coin
u:ing the current fiscal year will reach at
least Sl0l0OO,O00 t4.--.tEs.t5
THE Secretary o: War has been authorized
to make free distr button Of rations and
blankets to the sufferers by the foods in
Idaho Territory.
EX-SENATOR Bruce, Of Mississippi, was
rendered the mission to Brazil. but declined
1t on the ground that being q colored man he
would be coldly received there.
J. II. PAINE, of Wisconsin, was on the 18th
appointed Chief Clerk of the Department of
Agriculture.
DURING March A. l25 immi grants arrived in
this country, of whom 1900 were from Ger
many and 1900 from Ireland. The number
during the nine months ended March 81 was
Sl, 422. OF these l02, 900 were from Ger
many; S6.SS1 from Canada; 81. ~ from En-
gland and Wales: 1884 from Ireland; s 931
from Scotland; 4,5l5 from China, and Is, S31
from all other countries.
THE school population Of the United States
is IA, 596 1873, according to the late census. OF
this number 9, 1913, los were enrolled in 1873.
There were in that ear 27l, IA teachers.
THE capital invested in the iron and steer
industries of the United States in 1880 was
ssSo,9.l,sS4 against sl2l, 772,074 in 1870.
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
PhOsphOrescent Fishes, Birds and In.
SectS.

All who frequent the seashore are ia
miliar with the fiery appearance of the
sea at certain times. 1nnumerable ami
mails are contributing their vital forces
to create the display, and III the warmer
flame. Every inch of its surface is
alive with minute jelly-like creatures
that, according to some writer's, pos
sess peculiar secretion in glands for
this purpose, and in proof of this sew
eral of these animals were placed in
clear water, in a glass, which instantly
became phosphorescent, the light-giv-
ing medium thrown out from the ami
mails permeating the water in every di-
rection. Larger jelly fish often show
this phenomenon. When at great depths
they appear like great moons rising and
falling. One of these creatures was OBJ
served off Nantucket, of gigantic size.
The finder was sculling his boat along
in deep water after nightfall, and saw
what appeared to be the reflection of
the moon, although the moon was not
up. Drawing nearer, the seeming re-
Election assumed the shape of an i'm
mense ball of light, while extending
from it, as far as the man could see, in
Vulnerable filaments and streams of
flames issued. With great undulations
the ball moved, dragging its fiery tail
like veritable comet, and. reaching
the surface, showed itself gigantic
medusa, the Cynea. It was more than
six feet across, and, judging from the
length of the boat, the man estimated
the length of the tentacles at more than
one hundred and fifty feet. Mrs. Agas-
siz describes one even larger that she
observed off the rocks at Nahant, ia
nous place for displays of marine phos-
phorescence. The waves beat against
the rocks on summer nights, splashing
into the caverns and leaving them drip
ping with dazzling. scintillating drops
of fire. As the rollers come in, their
tips seem to ignite spontaneously. Now
running along the crest, the light deep
ems, growing as the wave comes on,
and finally seems to burst its waterv
bands, hurting itself on the shore in q
shining mass of molten silver.
One of the most remarkable instances
of phosphorescent light appearing on
living creatures is found among the
herons. Among the keys and the ex-
treme end Of Florida these birds are
found in countless numbers. Mullet
fishermen and sportsmen have often
noticed peculiar dim lights standing
motionless over the water among the
lmangrove thickets. They were discov-
cred, however, to depend ON the pres
ence of the birds. When they were
approached in the dark, the tapping of
wings as q crane few away would be
the last Of the lights. The writer has
examined many Of the birds, especially
the Ardea Herodias. or great heron, and
found on the breast : spot about q
The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-21
West and South.

GOVERNOR JEROME, of Michigan, has issued
proclamation naming the 28th of April As
Arbor Day, and requesting that 1t be gener-
ally observed throughout the State by the
planting Of trees.
MISS ADDIE NJ GooDRIcH, of Normal, ILL.,.
who had been an invalid for six years, claims
that she has been cured by earnest prayers
for restoration to health.
A rHREE-sroRY BRICK BUILDING used a .
cotton warehouse ut Charleston, 8. c., was
destroyed by fire the other day, and two col.
ored employees persisted in the flames.
Ar hearing in Freepo:t ILL.,, on the 18th,
before three Judges, 1t was decided that the
Chicago & Iowa Road, as represented by
Receiver Holcomb, had full control of its
stock and business, which must not be inter-
fered with. t,.t
A HEAVY earthquake shock occurred
throughout the central part of California on
the morning of the 10th. No serious damage
10 reported
FIFTEEN mounted and masked robbers sur
rounded the Court House at Toledo, Ark,
early on the morning of the 10th. blew up the
safe Of the Treasurer's Office, and left with
5000 to $1,000
Two CANAL BOATS laden with corn reached
Chicago on the 18th, being the first arrival
of corn this season by the Illinois q Michigan
Canal.
AFTER having obstinately and persistently
refused to partake of nourishment for forty
seven days, Miss Hattie Duell, of Iowa City,
died at noon on the 18th. DR.. Peck, Dean of
the Faculty of the Iowa University, paid q
visit to the starving woman . few days be-
fore her death, and, after q thorough invest
cation, declared that An attempt to force her
to take food would probably make her raw.
ing maniac.
The Yorktown Centennial Commission Il
said to be meeting with gratifying success in
soliciting subscriptions in the thirteen orig.
inal States to its stock Of e250,
TEE next wisconsin State Fair will be held
ct Fond du Lac beginning on the 26th Of
September.
THs body OF Miss buell., the woman who
recently starved herself to death ct lows
b City, weighed nfty.swo pounds after h,
death. Her weight Just before her fast began
was about one hundred pounds.
ArEw days ago at . railroad camp o thu
line OF the Denver d Rio 0sands sxtenoion