Huntsville gazette., 1881-12-17
A Sioux Bill Of Fare.

Hs
One of the peculiarities of the latest
United States style of feeding the noble
red man is the fact that he is given Gov
ernment rations, and at the same time
appropriations are made which are sup
posed to maintain him.
Sometimes a wild Indian who don't
know much about groceries and how to
prepare them for food comes in and
draws his regular soldier ration in this
way. For instance, up in the Sitting
Bull country awhile ago, an Indian came
in from the war-path who had never
seen any of the pale-face style of food,
and drew his rations.
He made a light meal of green, un-
ground coffee the first day, and, as he
over-ate, and the coffee swelled on him,
he had difficulty in buttoning his pants
around the pain that he had on hand.
He felt very unhappy for a day or
two, but laid it to the fact that he
hadn't exercised much, and the conse-
quent ennui and indigestion resulting
therefrom.
AS soon as he had succeeded in get
ting the interior department quieted
down little, he tackled his ration of
candles. These he decided to parboil,
in order to avoid trouble from indiges-
ton. The dish was not so much of a
glittering success as he had anticipated,
and as he remorsefully picked the can
die wicking out of his teeth with a tent
pin, he made some remarks that grated
harshly on the aesthetic ears of those
who stood near.
He then tried a meal of yeast powder
with vinegar. He ate the yeast powder
and then took a pint of extremely po-
tent vinegar to wash it down.
At first there was feeling of glad
surprise in his stomach, which rapidly
gave place to unavailing remorse.
A can of yeast powder in an Indians
stomach don't seem to be prepared for a
pint of vinegar, and the result of such
an unfortunate combination is not graft
flying. .
Every little while a look of pain
would come over the features of the
noble child of the forest, and then he
would jump about seventeen feet and
try to kick a cloud out of the sky. Then
he would sit down and think over his
past life.
1t took about week for him to get
back to where he dared to get up anoth-
er meal for himself. N he fricaseed
couple of pounds of Laundry soap and
ate that.
Soap is all right for external pur-
poses, or for treating a pair of soiled
socks, but it does not assimilate with
the gastric juices readily, and those who
have tried fried laundry soap as relish
do not seem to think that it will ever
arrive at any degree of prominence as
an article of diet.
That is why this untutored child of
nature swore. He had never received
the benefits of early training in profani-
ty, and his language therefore was dis
connected and rambling, but when we
consider that he was ignorant of our
language, and that every little while he
had to stop and hold on to his digester
with both hands and dig holes in the
earth with his feet, the remarks didn't
seem altogether out of place or irrel-
evant.
When gallon or so of agitated bak-
ing powder and vinegar is singing it's
little song in the innermost recesses of
an indian, ana this mas Deen IOllOWeu
by a treatment of laundry soap, the
student of human nature can find
wide field for observation in that local
ity.
The earnest aud occupied look, the
troubled expression of the countenance,
followed by the quick, nervous twitch-
ing of the muscles of the face and then
the swelling up of the body, the burst
ing of the suspender button, the deep
drawn sigh and the smothered cuss
words, all betoken the gastric agitation
going on within.
That is why an Indian prefers link
of bologna sausage and two-year old
dog to the high-priced groceries so
common to our modern civilization
Bill Nye's Boomerang.