Litchfield enquirer., 1881-08-25
CLIPPINGS.

Be content with your especially if it's a corner one.
 No matter how hot the weather may be the Chinese take it ceolie.
 | Guiteau says he was inspired by heaven. He will probably be perspired by the other ! place.
 The Spring of 1881 was characterized by freshets, the summer by tornadoes, and now Autumn will soon be on it's sere.
 They enforce the laws SO. strictly in Yer | mont that man who disposed Of small pond 1 was arrested for pool selling.
 Clara Louise Kellogg doesn't like Russia. That's country where they won't stop rall- road train to get woman ham sandwich.
 A New York man who was swindled in the purchase of a so-called trotting mare has named her ''Llly," because she does not spin.
 'sPve got a theory" and before he could finish the sentence some one advised him that practice would be more becoming to him, and being young physician he stepped aside.
 There is a man in St. Louis who has won- defful memory. It is thought the city will eventually employ him to remember the Sab- bath. | A baby has been born in Arkansas without brains. It is said that it will be brought to Ohio and added to the democratic state cen tral committee.
 | A New York boy has been arrested for stealing testaments. The book is very rare in the metropolis, which adds to the heinous- ness of his offence.
 1 It was ridiculous to believe there were in- fernal machines concealed in those barrels of apples. Every apple is, just now, an internal machine in itself.
 An exchange gives fifty reasons why some school teachers do not succeed. The first one being "They are lazy" After that it would be waste of space to print the other forty l nine. l An old settler of Kansas City, Missouri, l blew into both barrels of shot gun loaded l with buckshot, Tuesday. Being of no earth. | ly account without a head, the neighbors | kindly buried him.
 Young Lady-Is there anything that will remove @ mustache from gIrls lip7 There is. An ugly old man will sometimes yank it away and sling it's owner over the fence. But | it will come there again, you bet.
 "What are. your politics ?" the chaplain of the Iowa penitentiary asked of an intelligent looking convict. II have not come out for anybody yet" replied the convict, gazing placidy through the bars.
 When postmaster finds postal card on which some one has written GA, 342 words, he doesn't stick it on the wall and shoot fourteen bullets through it, and that's where he is way of his base.
 You do not find any flies in she butter which put on my table," said Boston boarding mistress, proudly. ''No," replied a boarder, ''it's too strong for them" That boarder was given immediate notice to quit. An Irishman wrote thus to the wife of sick brother: elf Jamie isn't dead yet, remoind him of the Twinty shillings he owes me on the pigs, and if he is, tell him not to give himself any consurrun about it."
 Canada steal our mailbags? Never! She wanted few of them during the picnic and fishing season, but all would have been return ed in little while and ''thank you, ma am, '' tied te each bag. Let the gulf be bridged and the pipe passed around
 A young man from the country saw steam fire engines working at confagration upon his visit to the city, and asked his father, tWhat in thunder makes lem heat the water by steam to put fire out with? Cold waters a darn sight better" s3t'e 1f54#
 The New York Herald has made an impor- tant discovery. to wit: the use of the 9sthete. Since his appearance, says the astute edi- tor. "It has been possible to classify accu. rately body ot fools who once were not easily assigned to thelr proper place" Why say ''a sad caIamity?" Are not all calamities sad?-[Ex.] If your rich uncle in thecountry were to remember you in his will to the extent of $50 900 and then get killed in l 8 railroad smash-up, VIC don't believe you would call the calamity sad one. It | Old Mr. and Mrs.. Smaller are looking at the comet from their chamber window. ''No. Mollie, no, that cannot be the same comet of | 1843, the appendage is so very much larger. ' | 'But, my dear Horace, the comet was young CT then" They retired ln silence.
 Another Ohio man has just got place. He was postmaster who just saved the govern ment little money by printing his own DOS. tai cards, and he has got nice, place in jail. There is no salary attached to his new place, but then nobody IS trying to crowd him out.
 An extract from the letter of recent emf. grant-"I'm wurking on de roads here in Sar- atoga, but 1 don't indend to do it long Sure I ago come mkt Aister, has rich young lady to drive him around the city wid a beautiful span, and he sitting up behind an his airms folded loike foine gintleman entirely" I Boss Sheppard, who is now engaged in Mex. ican mining speculations, is reported to have recently frightened high spirited hidalgo out of valuable property by merely swearing 8, him in English. If this scheme will work, men who have had experience in getting news. papers to press can go to Mexico and become Vanderbilts in week.
 l A southern negro, an ex-slave. hired field from his old master to cultivate, he to receive one third and his master two-thirds of the crop. The old negro was honest, but not up in arithmetic. The field yielded two loads, both of which he put in his masters crib, and l reported to the astonished landlord "Dar is no third, sah de land am too pore to produce de third, sah."
 l TO THE LOVER OF NATURE. love the playful little lamb I love him broiled or roast; love the feathered songster, too think him best on toast, | Hove the fish that swims tn. sea- 1 Fresh from the frying pan; love the retiring oyster, too I'll eat him when can. love to see the squirrel brisk Through the top sights of my gun; | love the gentle lowing kiue | In tender steaks, rare done. r love the bird, love the fish, also love the beast 1 Oh. give me all want to eat, Ih have grand love feast,
 Mir. and Mrs. Topnoody were getting ready to go out to call on friend the other evening and Mrs. T., desiring to look well, was array ing herself in a great variety of colers Top. moody noticed it and began to comment. Said he, "Mrs. Topnoody, think woman of your age ought to wear more subdued colors." ''Oh do you ?" was the response. "What would you suggest as becoming to your angel wife ?" "I think black dress is simple, tasteful and always becoming" ''Indeed?" ''Yes iB. deed" 'Well then, Topnoody, suppose you die and leave me widow so that can wear the color you think most becoming to me- Of