The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1881-12-26

lLipplnoott's MagaEine.l
Crooked Ways.
RY CHARLES DUNNING.


course greater evils might have befallen me !;
l might have been seized with passion for
whisky or gambling; but still, my cGcoetheS
scribendi was serious enough. During my
college days the symptoms showed them
selves plainly; bit the malady did not really
assume its true and awful proportions until
l had taken my degree. Then forsooth, it
fastened upon me like leech, and before
many months elapsed it over-mastered me
completely. In accordance with my moth
er's wish, l went to Dundas, ostensibly to
read law with my uncle, but it was mere
pretence of law-reading, for the mornings
that ought to have spent over Blackstone
were devoted to the composition of novel
and the afternoons to the polishing of some
poems. Uncle Dick shook his head gravely
and demonstrated, sometimes i'll sadness
and sometimes in anger
THAT scribbling will never amount to
anything" he would say CONTEMPORARY.
This was hard to bear; but my lofty aspira-
tons sustained me, and, firm in my belief OF
ultimate success, scrubbed on and ever,
and bombarded all the magazines In the
country with my manuscripts. The maya
zines did not open their columns to me, and
l fell back at last upon the weekly news
papers, and especially upon the Boston
Weekly Palladium. That journal printed
my essays and a certain assistant editor,
whose Initials were ID. o., SeII Ile
polite notes from time to time. 1t was
something to see my productions in print;
it would have been more had these produc-
tions once in while brought in a check.
B t hey never did; they elected only polite
notes from +. B. S. Finally, wrote let
ter to the assistant editor upon the subject
and by return post received reply. l
was sent to my private box at the posi- office,
but, to my great amusement, was directed
to "Jane Bell" instead of John" My
handwriting was not very distinct, and per-
haps triie feminine, and the signature,
upon which rather prided myself, certainly
left it an open question whether John or
Jane we're meant. The note, too, began,-
"MIss BELL,-Iu reply to your question, I
would say that this journal pays its regular
COPS of writers. We are glad to receive your
articles, and perhaps later may make adequate
compensation therefor; but, as young writer,
1t would be wiser for you to think at present
only of securing q foothold. You have an ex-
cellent chance OF success in the end; but much
patience is necessary at the outset.
PLEASE say whether [ shall direct future
communications to John Bell, Miss Bell or
Mrs. Bell. At present do not venture to give
you any title.
Every truly yours,
'F. B. ScREvEN."
This letter at once amused and piqued me.
1t was pleasant and rather encouraging, but
IL WAS pldlIl tut WIltCI b6l luc QOWu DIS all
impecunious young woman, whereas the
truth was had very fair income of my own
and was a six-foot mustached specimen of
masculinity. The idea of playing the role
Of Miss Jane Bell tickled my fancy, and
therefore, givin- my imagination free rein,
upon the spur of the moment sat down and
wrote as follows:
"F. B. ScREvEN,-At present I also am in a
qusndsry, for 1 do not know whether L ought
20 address you as Madame, Monsieur, or Mad
emoiselle. The last title is mine just now, al
though OF course feel at liberty to change it
when choose, or rather when the proper OPP
portunity offers itself. Perhaps matrimony
would be q more profitable speculation than
literature. Do not, however, suppose am de-
pendent upon my pen for my bread and butter.
In this case, fear, the butter would be very
thin indee No, the fates have given me most
Of the luxuries of life; but these. Of course, do
not satisfy me. The reason why wrote as 1
did about payment for my articles was simply
because 1 thought if they were good enough to
print they were good enough to be paid for.
1t seems was mistaken but, to show you
that take your advice send you another es-
say. | will at least try to secure foothold, and
pray that gre alter success may follow.
81 am, dear Madame, Monsieur, or Made
moiselle Screven,
Sincerely yours,
JANE BELL"
Laughing in my sleeve, sent this COM
munication off, and planned that, if the as
sistant editor sent me friendly reply, l
would open a correspondence in my role of
Miss Jane Bell and fool F. B. Screven as
never man had been fooled before. Judge
then of my dismay when / received a letter
in what knew was Screyen's writing, but
not written on office paper, and signed Fran
ces Bertram Screyen "A woman, by Jover
/ exclaimed there and then in the post-otfice
whereat a small boy who was sta ding nigh
nearly swallowed in establishment the pos
tage-stamp he was licking. l thrust the let
ter in my pocket and did not read it ill
was safely at home. Thus the missive ran !:
prompts me to write you reply, not as an as
sistant editor. but as woman like yourself,
who is toiling up the steep path that leads to
Parnassus. i might have known you were a
woman, and young one at that. because, al
though there is a touch of masculine strength
in your essays and poems, still there is, too, a
sweetness that is only feminine. / think that
women more often have this flavor of mascu-
Unity than men have anything of that tender
ness which is essentially and purely feminine.
Were in q position of authority should very
soon dismiss the cut-and-dried hack writers
whose contributions, although smooth and pol
lished, lack the freshness, the spontaneity,
which is characteristic of the contributions we
sometimes receive from unknown writer's, and
notably from you. But, you see, l am merely
an assistant editor, and person of no conse-
quence at all, except as am useful to do the
work, all the glory OF which goes to the dis
tinguished individuals whose names are emilia
zoned at the head of the paper. Therel that
sounds bitter, 1 am afraid; but, my dear Miss
Bell, the fates have not been so kind to me as
to you, and it is not for fame write, but for
the wherewithsl to keep me fed and clothed.
What makes it perhaps harder is that have
known what it IL to have my bread and butter
fresh and sweet,-ay, and honey with it, too
and therefore the thin slices that are doled out
10 me now taste the drisr by comparison.
Forgive me for boring you with SO much
about myself. Pray write to me again. Your
luxurious stationary, with faint, delicate per-
fume pervsding it, is in itself delight.
Sincerely yours,
MISS FRANCES BERTRAM ScREvEN.
As read this letter felt myself scoun-
drel. Ny first impulse was to WRIT a letter
Of confession to Miss Screven but the de.
sire to keep up the correspondence and try
my hand at composing letters that should be
sweetly feminine overcame my scruples, and
sent off the following reply:
DEER Miss ScREvEN,-Instead of boring
me, the glimpse you gave me Of your life inter-
e6ted me more than can tell But, at the
same time, the contrast between your life and
mine made me envious. Perhaps your lot is a
hard one, but it is at least brave and indepeDd-
emit. Here am /, an only daughter, petted and
spoiled TO shameful degree, and bound by
letters Of luxury. Yes, / envy you. Sitting
here this morning in my silly pink curtained
boudoir, with Dresden shepherdess shipper
ing at me from the top of my escritorei, feel
my idle, luxurious life hemming me and over
powering me, as the perfume of tuberoses
makes heavy and sickening the atmosphere of
room that should be flung open to the fresh
air and sunshine. would change places with
you to-day il 1 could"
When l reached this point of my letter, 1
read over approvingly what l had written.
Arrived at the lines descriptive of my imag-
nary bnudoir, smiled as my glance fell
upon boot-jack in noe corner and the shaw
ing apparatus in another. CHANGING at the
place where the Dresden shepherdess ought
to have been, my eye fell instead upon pipe
which took down and filled, and then re-
sumed my writing with considerable com
plscency:
"1his may sound you rather school-gi
ish, and may IS well confess that it is not
many yesrs-perhaps months would be more
accurate since left the precincts of a finishing
school. Finishing school, indeedi Much
learned there besides the art of doing up my
hair! However, the defecis of my education
mnst remedy myself, and / try every day to de-
vote few hours to serious study. But 1t is
very hard to seclude myself long enough to ac-
complsh anything. People call; I must go to
garden parties; 1must drive out with my moth
er. must hold solemn conclaye with the milli-