Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-09-14
SPICE AND ALLSPiCE.

law-he knows better. = Vanity Fair
relic.
IT is one of the curiosities of natural
history that horse enjoys his food most
when he hasn't bit in his mouth.
In the lungs of potter who recently
died IN Wales was found forty-eight per
cent. of silica. He must have been
gritty fellow when living. -LoaUeU
Courier.
"DURN the dog!" he said, cru settle
his hash for him when [ go down there
to see Kate, tonight. And he pro-
ceeded to saturate the seat of his pants
with strychnine.
EUROPE is trpading on a volcano"
reads old X. in his paper aloud.
"Papa, what is a volcano ?" asked the
Youngest. "Why, it is something to
tread on, my boy"
The man who is deadhead on the
trunk lines from New York to Chicago
considers cut rates great swindle.
He used to save 800 on trip; now he
only saves $7.-Norr. Herald.
GONE touch of nature" etc. Street
preacher-"I now ask, brethren, what
can [ do to move you in this world of
wickedness ?" Array" Send round the
at, guv'nor. That'lI move EN-"
"THERE's some things as old as the
hills, anyhow" said old Uncle Reuben.
"What are they? asked his niece
"They're the valleys between 'em,
child" solemnly answered the old man.
New YORK is enforcing law against
young men sending their wives back to
their parents to be supported. Some
thing turns up every day to brush the
roseate hue and gauzy glitter from the
face of matrimony. Detroit Free Press.
FoGa thinks that Miss Prim must be
hard onto forty. He judges by analogy,
you know. He says that tree adds
ring to it's growth every year, and he has
counted nearly forty rings on her taper
fingers.
IT is said that Sitting Bull has become
sad and Respondent, SO much so that
vague hope prevails that he may commit
suicide. This is about the only sanguin-
airy act he has not committed in his
illustrious career.-DetrOat Free Press.
THE Elmira Advertiser says that 800
miles of red tape are yearly required to
run the Washington departments. A
few miles of the hemp might be intro
duced, we believe, without much detri-
ment to the service. -N'e;c York ona-
n1ercial Advertiser.
MAKE an oat of this, said the hen to
her brood, as they gathered in their lit
tie crops. Burlington On. J.) Enter
prise. Why don't you eat some your
self?" asked one of the chickens.
"Me," replied the hen; "I'm going on
another lay. "-LouisujIle-C Courier Jour-
nal.
A NEW song is entitled Between the
Green Corn and the Gold" It should
be sung in a husky voice. -Lowell Citi-
zen. And is easily learned by ear
Newton Republican. There's only
small field to work in here. Let's stalk
about something else. = louisville
Courier Journal.
COULDN'T cheat him: "Tre dollar NIT
half !" exclaimed Count Ramshackle to
the Niagara hackman, ''dot was
schwindle - "It's the regular fare, )"
said the hackman, "but seeing it's you,
I'll take you for three dollars and fifty
cents" "Goot !" exclaimed the count.
''It was widout possibilities to sheet
me Com. Ado.
The good woman was In sore trouble.
An irascible neighbor had called her a
&c termagant," and she rushed in to con-
suit dictionary. "Weil, if it only
means boisterous, brawling and turbu-
lent, [ don't care SO very much, but if
he ever calls me virago' I'll pour hot
dishwater all over his wife's flower bed.
That's what [ will. "-NeaU Haven Re
.gister.
On recent Sunday, when the pastor
of one of the leading Presbyterian
churches of st. Louis was absent from
his pulpit, several persons expressed dis
satisfaction at seeing a stranger In the
pulpit, and one old lady said she would
not have come if she had knowd DR.. -
was not going to preach. An elder
standing near, very promptly replied:
ssMadam, the worship of DR.. - will
be resumed next Sunday.
The Presidential bulletins make one
think of the sailor whose shipmate was
knitted in row on shore. They went to
the hospital next day to see how their.
wounded messmate was getting along.
Ben Bobstay went in to ask about him,
received true statement of his case
lulu Guo SlIS0Ou, duu Ctu0 OuG Will d.
solumn face. "Good Lord, Mates" he
said, 'tJack's dead man. The Latin
part of his bowels is all cut to thunder.
-Er.
AT a recent examination in girls
school, the question was put to class
of little ones: "Who makes the laws of
our government Congress, was the
ready reply. "How is congress di-
vided?" was the next question. A little
girl in the class raised her hand.
"Wel, " said the examiner, Miss SalEe
what do you say the answer is? ?" In
stantly, with an air of confidence Gs well
as triumph. the answer came: Civ
ilized, half-civilized and savage.
's MARIA" said the old lady sternly,
"what were you and young Billings do
ing with your heads so close together
out there by the gate ?" "We were
looking at the comet, ma, through lit
tie spyglass in the top of his new straw
hat" exclaimed the young miss, without
blush, "and oh, ma, it's ever so SPLEEN
did comet" And the old lady was SO
49, -, 10 4I>o4 h.