The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1881-08-30

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8 81 s'IIsSxS
81" JoHN' said Dean Ramsey" I'm
sure yo ken thata rolin' stone gathers
nae morse 2" cay" rejolned John,
that's true, but can ye tell me what
guild the morse does to the stone"
az E" Suppose that you have two
sticks of candy and your big brother
gives you two more, how many have
you got then %. asked the teacher.
Little boy Shaking his head)-" You
don't know my brother; he amt that
kind of a boy.
cB Don't sit so far away from me,
Harry, dear" she said to her lover,
while they were steaming up the river
with the excursion "don't sit so far
away and turn your back to me in that
way, people will think we are married"
R9 Josh Billings says: Pashence is
good thing for a man to hav, but when
he has got so much ov it that he kan
fish all day over the side ov a boat,
without eny bait on his hook, lazyness
is what's the matter ov him."
C$- A prisoner asked for delay until
he could talk to his lawyer. The mag
istrate asked What can your lawyer
say in your behalf when you were
caught with you hand in the gentle
mans pocketY What defense can he
make ?" "T That's precisely what 1 too
am curious to know" responded the
accused.
F9T He was a young farmer named
Jenkins, who knew none of the girls,
and yet wanted to take one home, and
becoming desperate, selected one and
going up to her, said
81 guess yu doan't know me, but L
live round here; my name is farmer,
and Pm Jenkins by trade" and stick
ing out his elbow, he said, "H.o-o-k?"
AS they went down the road together,
we think she hooked.
Eg-"I WONDER" said a native to
Northern traveller on N. Carolina rail-
road, " did you belong to critter regi-
ment or was you footman We didn't
mind the footers so much, but them ERE
critter soldiers were lightnin' when they
got arter feller's cattle, pigs and
chickens. I've seen many one of 'em
who could milk COW into the mouth
of canteen on the keen run without
spillin' drop"
ca" What kind of doctor am DR..
Black?" asked Uncle Nose of an old
Austin darkey. zone OBJ de best 1 eber
heered tell of. Oar was a man down
sick, and all de odder doctors in town
said he couldn't lib twenty-four hours.
So DIR. Black jes tuck him in charge,
and de man libbed, sab. Instead of
dying in twenty-four hours he libbed
thirty.six hours, sah."
ca " Waiter" called the dissatisfied
guest, l." come here; there's something
wrong with my coffee it tastes as though
there something in it." Waiter exam
ines critically. "Ay, yes, sir; so there
is, sir; must be there's some real coffee
in it, sir. Sent out by mistake, sir.
Made for the cooks own table, SIR"
Goes out and returns with brimming
beaker of the old familiar sadde-colored.
gB- A prominent citizen of Austin
was being propelled homeward by
faithful colored servant late one night
last week, when they suddenly came to
O dead halt. Whazzer mazzer .nowY"
demanded the prominent citizen. Oars
a mau dead drunk on the sidewalk,
sah." "Gimme lamp posht to hold
up, and you dragsh off misherable
drunken beasht by hish legsh," replied
the indignant citizen.
eB- Mother" asked Mary Jane at
the breakfast table Monday morning,
"don't you think gray hair is awful be-
comingl'' Mary Jane, it should be re-
marked, has beau whose locks are sill
very. 6 Yes, 1 do,' replied the mother,
grabbing at something on Mary James
shoulder; Eyes, think it's becoming
too common. That makes the tenth