The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-17
WAITS.

month.
Tickling the fancy playing
against faro bank.
Funny items are made by adroit
turns of the humor wrist.
A study in oil-the attempt to get a
sardine out whole.
ii never contract bad habits" said
Robinson to his wife. mo, dear, you
generally expand them" was her re-
ply.
Every man who kan swap horses or
ketch fish, and not lie about it, IL Just
az piuz az men ever git tn be in this
world.
Sammy Spriggins, prospective heir,
thinks he would rather read his uncle's
last will than bis own new revised Tes-
lament.
One would suppose the small boy OF
the drygoods store was continually los
ing his position; he is so constantly
"cash here'd."
Work on the Brooklyn bridge has been
suspended for want Of steel. The first
instance of lack OF steal in q New
York enterprise.
"Eistoricus" is informed that the Or
der Of tie knights OF the Goitre" has
its origin in Switzerland and is COM
posed of the swells Of the country.
There is an artist physician in
New York whose speciality is extract
ing the red bloom from topers' noses
and making them of virgin whiteness-
He finds plenty of patrons.
A New York professor says that ele-
| plants milk il remarkably rich, and
now no bonanza man" will be satisfied
pspEtil he .getsaa %hihs fh6fhng coffee.
| An epicure is man who knows what
is good TO eat, and who talks about his
food necessarily. All an epicure needs
is bristes, and then he could be classed
at a glance.
''They do not die on the premises, p"
! is the recommendation given for a pat
ent rat poison. 1t makes the rats feel
so bad that they GO away and die at
the house Of neighbor. There is
nothing like it.
Doctor Qearned-looking and speak
ing slowly Well, mariner. which
tooth do you want extracted Is it the
molar or the incisor? Jack (short and
sharp)-It is in the upper tier, on the
larboard side.
The women of Cyprus, like all the
Greek women, chew great quantities of
mastic, imported from the island of
Scio, and deem it graceful to appear
always biting this gum, and it will
soon be in order for later Byron to
remark. MAID Of Cyprus, now we've
come, Leave, oh, leave off chewing
gum"
He was rather a suspicious young
man, and had heard much of the trans
forming charms of golden fluid for
ladies' toilets. One evening his
sweetheart let down her hair, and,
tossing the yellow mass gracefully over
her shoulders, exclaimed; Now, Hen
ny, do you think it beautiful" YES"
he fondly replied, beautiful as far as l
can see; but if you love me, Laura, let
me look at the roots.
The Springfield Republican says that
'one seldom sees anything voluptuous
or hamboyant, or, on the other hand,
ANYTHING blanched and etiolated"
among the Boston girls. Right. But
what you always do see, when you
meet a representative Boston girl, is
her last translation of her Dies ire
clasped in her right hand. and in the
left sonnet either to Brahma, the
Oversoul, or the Old South.
Alta Newburybort dance the other
evening, he was introduced to very
modest and bewitching girl, and SO OF
course was doing his best to merit his
good luck. Feeling sudden indispo-
sition, he excused himself for minute,
and on returning was in the act Of re-
moving few kernels Of coffee from his
vest-pocket, when the damsel astonished
Vim by saying, Don't chew that; l
had rather smell the new rum"