The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1881-07-26

A NorristOwn man is in receipt Of letter
from a Vlrglnian, living near the Kentucky
line, stating that it is rumOred that the
President had been shot in a LOrthern city,
and asking that papers containing particu-
lars be forwarded.
Uncle Pleasant Balkns says that's lie,
because any Virginian who didn't know
better than that wouldn't know there was
sich a place as Norris,Own.
An apprentice boy who had not pleased
his employer one day came IN for ctasti'e-
ment. during the administration OF which
bis master exclaimed: "How long will
YOU serve the devilV The boy replied,
whimpering: /" You know best, SIR; ] be.
lieve nv indenture will be out III three
months"
Down in Salem The other day a bright lit
tie girl was sent TO get some eggs, and on
her way back stumbled and fell, making sad
havoc with the contents OF her basket.
l." Won't YOU catch it when you get home,
thought" exclaimed her complniOn. ono,
indeed, WON'T" she answered; "Pve got
a grandmother"
Walt Whitman is at work on new book.
A friend called TO see him the other morning
countenance that he thought the poet mad
been ealing immature cucumbers, whereas
he had been merely trying to make " homo
reneous" rhyme with sycopbant. Nor
riSto,cn Herald,
Mr.. Roscoe Conkllng has lost his origin
ality since he ceased to be a senator. His
phrase, "iorbidden and abhorrent forces,
in his telegram to AsSemblyman Armstrong,
smacks Of originality, but what shall be said
of his alusion to the Spartan band"?
An Ohio clergyman named Rock recently
swOre at book agent. The oath Will be
like Uncle Teby's: The recording angel, in
view Of all the circumstances OF the case,
will doubtless drop a tear upon the record
and blot it out forever.
Brigadier. General j. c. Claussen (coIoredl,
OF the First Brigade n. &. S. c., was severe
w stabbed during an alteration with a Co.
lored man named Edward Jones, in Charles
ton, Friday. 1t was about woman.
An American girl in Columbus has mar
ried Chinaman for love, and while she
| swings in a hammock and reads novels, he
| does the Washing aud cooking and Keeps
tue fy.traps up TO business.
The two pug dogs belonging to a woman
who is boarding at one OF the Long Branch
| hotels are brought 10 the table in the nurses
ball three times daily, and fed to the best OF
everything from silver plate.
A wellknOwn Republican senator, when
told that the only objections to Texas were
extreme heat and a scarcity OF water, re-
piled, "TbOse are the very objections have
to the torrid country below"
| Archibald Forbes, the English CORE
spondent, is another instance Of The danger
OF oyerwOrking the human machine. He is
now In London. broken down in health,
and will be compelled TO take twelve
months vacation.
"Don't be afraid." said a snob to a Ger
man laborer, =" sit down aud make yourself
nv equal" ~ vouId haff TO blow my
brains OUT" was the Teuton's reply Bis
nldrck.
When member Of the New York Legis-
| lature was asked by the bar-keeper what he
will take the absent-minded reply was, "two
thousand dollars. "-IexdS S0hngS.
Catharine Nutshell, Of Boston, gave her
three children whskeY, and they were
found lying inseRsible beside her. Their
ages were five, three, and two years.
| News from Sauto Domingo note a revolu-
zion and the killing Of dozen or two Do
niuicans. "Vel," as Jeremy Twitcher
would say, "yot Of its"
The spiteful Republicans Of Ohio speak
OF Pocketbook walter when abiding to the
Deuocratic candidate for Governor.
We shall now have five pairs in the United
State Scnaie-two CameroDs, two Davises,
two Hills, two Joneses, and two Millers.
Chicago scoupdrels are accused Of rob-
biGg suastruck stranRers.-H eio York Her.
aid. st. Louis papers please copy.
Girls make a good deal OF noise ia the
world. They still bang their hIir.-keio
York Commercial Advertiser.
Egypt hiss taken the first step towards
emancipation. Who shall not say that
" His soul 10 marching on"