The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1881-01-11
Mrs. Spoopendyke in Politics.

sit down here I'll explain the political
situation to you. am glad to see you
take an interest In such things, for
everybody ought to thoroughly under
stand what is going on in the country.
"I've been reading about them every
day." rejoined Mrs. Spoopendyke; land
l think know q good deal about poll
tics now" and the good lady turned
turkey red with the idea that she had
excited her husbands admiration. 81
think Mr.. Garfield is just too sweet to
live, and that dear Mr.. Hancock Is just
as nice as he can be. They are ever so
much better than that odious English
and Arthur. Oh If was man 1
would vote for Garfield and Hancock"
That amt the way to talk politics" )"
sneered Mr.. Spoopendyke. "I thought
you said you knew something about it
Got an idea that Garfield and Hancock
are some kind of a bonnet, haven't your
Well, they amt foreign Bible society,
either"
Do you like English and Arthur
bestp They may be good men for the
presidency but / saw more in the papers
about Garfield and Hancock, and
thought they must be splendid. Perhaps
was mistaken.
Garfield and Hancock amt running
together, tell ye," retorted Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. "They are running against
each other"
There's another thing" said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, complacently eff they
are doing that, L perfectly agree with
you in thinking that English and Ar
thur are the best. They are perfect gen.
tlemen, and Mr.. Arthur is so handsome!
I saw his picture"
"Don't you know anything at all,
scarcely 7" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke.
English and Arthur amt twins,
they are running against each other too.
Where'd you find out about politics,
anyway-in q cook book? P'raps you
think these candidates are vegetables,
Mrs. Spoopendyke. But they amt they
are men with arms and legs; they amt
things to make pudding OFF,
Certainly know that,' responded
Mrs. Spoopendyke cheerfully but if
Mr.. Garfield is running against Mr..
Hancock, and Mr.. English is running
against Mr.. Arthur, don't see what
we're going to do. How are we going to
choose ?"
"But they've got to run against each
other," explained Mr.. Spoopendyke,
with rising emphasis. You don't sup
pose candidates all run together like a
lot of hens, do yer"
IF Mr.. Hancock and Mr.. Garfield
run against each other, won't Mr.. Han
cock have the best of it ?''
Why should he 2" demanded Mr..
Spoopendyke.
Cause he's so big. If they were run
ming together he'd get beat, cause he's
too fat. He couldn't-"
"Does anybody in the country know
what you're talking about Do you
s'pose they stand off and bump up
against each other like a couple of freight
trains ? Got an idea they're going to
roll up their trousers and run leg race?
tell we Hancock is running for one
president and Garfield is running for
another. Now dye understand ?"
"Oh, that's it, Now begin to see
into it," returned Mrs. Spoopendyke,
joyously. $50 if you was to vote for
two men for president, you must vote
for English and Arthur. 1 understand
it perfectly now. But"
"Oh, yes, you understand it don't ye"
yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke. YOU'RE the
politician of seven ages. All you need
is registration book and brass band
to be whole political campaign. 1 tell
we Hancock is running for President
and so is Garfield, and Arthur and En-
glish are running for Vice President
Can you understand thatY"
"Yes, do; but do you think Arthur
and English will get itY 1 read in
one"
" Get it ? They both can't get it,
Only one of them can get it," exclaimed
Mr.. Spoopendyke, suppressing his pas
sion. "What do you think the Vice
Presidency is, a pair of pigeon holes
One of them will be President and the
other Vice President. Now can you
bore that through your skull and re-
member it 2"
"Why of course; but / feel sorry for
poor Mr.. Garfield and poor Mr.. Han
cock. They'll be awfully disappointed,
but of course we can't help it. Which
will be President 60 you think, Mr.. Ar
thur or Mr.. Eng"
"Dod CAST it'll" raved Mr.. Spoopen-