The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-29
AN AMATEUR AoR1cu1ruR1sr.
by STANLEY HuSrLEY.

~.
by STANLEY HUSTLEY.
This said Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he gazed
around on his acquisition of six acres s.tbis
my dear, is what have always wanted farm
and farmers life are the highways to happi-
ness; Mrs. spooPendyke, don't you think soiA
ats perfectly loveiyr reioiped Mrs Snoonen
dyke. 81 was born on a farm and was always
healthy, though 1 had to go a good ways for
WATER
I'm fix that. my dear" returned Mr.. spoop-
endyke; III bring in the water. Now, where
are my Agricultural Reportsf / must plant
| right OFF, if we're geing to have any crops; and
when they're ripe, wen take 'em to market
DO the crops all get ripe at the same time 7"
asked Mrs. SpOOpendyke.
'-Of course, they do replied her husband
They're all planted at the same time, amt
they: YOu don't suppose they run races, do
yon You haven't got notion that the first
crop in wins the pot, have yo1' Now, we want
to put IN some eabhages, and the Agricultural
Report says they mustn't be planted where tur-
nips and radishcs grew the year before. won
der what they put in that corner, last year"
.'Why not pnt cabbsges where turnips and
radishes grew before r. asked Mrs. Spoopendyke
"Because it makes the cabbages taste of EN-
replied Mr.. Spoopendyke.
well, then" said Mrs. Spoopendyke, "well
plant them where watermelons grew or aspar,-
gus Would they taste of watermelons and as
paragus, if we did ~
.'Of course, they would. And if we planted
them where the hens had scratched, they'd taste
of poultry; or if we planted them alongside of
church, they wouldn't boil ON Sunday. I'll put
them in that corner over there, and then well
have raspberries In the other corner
Il don't like raspberries," objected Mrs Spoop-
endyke. I'D rather have hickory nuts Can
you plant hickory-nuts where anything else has
grown y
NO." replied Mr. Spoopendyke, solemnly.
'you can't. They wouldn't stay down, IN tell
you. We might have meadow in that cor
ner, and fill in between the meadow and the
cabbages with
''Hollyhocks" interrupted Mrs Spoopendyke
''and We can train them against the fence,
WHO wants any dod gasted hollyhocks ~
blurted Mr.. SpOOpendyke. MAY be you'd like
to plant some old glass bottles, and raise hot
house Praps your idea is to put down some
old rags and a bent wire and raise spring bon
nets! tell yon, we'll put onions in there, and
that fills up that end of the farm"
Then yon ought to have your pasture at this
end. recommended Mrs. Spoopendyke
"No, I'm going to put my orchard here and on
that far side, between the orchard aud the cab
basss, III plant commemorative can we put
in there.'
aid have a rose-bush, orr
'Or, or, WHAT May be you want to plant
some back-hair, and raise wigs; How'd Won
like TO put in the old barrel there and raise
wash-tubs!r
81 was thinking of lake. mumblcd Mrs.
SpOopendyke. "a lake looks so pretty on a
farm"
''Of course, it does" roared Mr.. Spoopendyke.
''All you've go; to do is to plant bucket of wa
ter, and watch it grow. May be you're thinking
of training measly lake up against the fence
Now, I'm going to put some buckwheat in there,
and that makes cabbages two acres; meadows
one acre; onions, two acres; buckwheat. half an
acre; orchard, half an acre; which Just ills the
farm comfortably
Where are You going to have your pasture r.
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke."
vbaraw laJ
her husband. There's more room out doors
Don't you know that crops don't grow in winter,
aud then that COW can have the whole farm for
pasture e
THAT'S So" said Mrs. Spoopendyke. al
hadn't thought of that. Now, we want some
chickens"
Zone chicken will he enough said Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. I'm not going to have a lot of measly
hens scratching up my meadow, and one will
give all the eggs we want. I'm going TO lay my
money out IN farming implements, and not hens.
You see, we've got to have n steam reaper and
moving machine"
land .s, steam hoe h suggested Mrs spoSpen-
YES we must have geese. I'll look around
for white ones. l don't like the gray geese
Now, see by the reports that a COW ought to be
dry at least six weeks before her time for calv-
ing. You be careful not to give that COW any
water; you heart Where can we put the pig y,
Il don't know" replied Mrs. Spoopendyke |
biting her thumb. Cant put him in the or
chard r.
'.Yes, and along in the spring wen find the
orchard in him. That's an idea. One year fruit, |
and the next year pig, turn and turn about"
''Bnt You can tie him up, so he can't bite the |
trees. you'll want to Kill him in the spring. |
anyhow"
That's So We can tie him in the orchard |
and keep the COW in the wood-shed. That re-
minds me, ! must have a grindstone. What |
kind of trees shall we put in the orchard,"
'Willow trees give the most shade ventured |
Mrs. SpOOpendyke.
That's it ~ howled Mr.. Spoopendyke; "you're |
an asrieulturist! All you want is a dry |
season and mortgage to be a model farm i'll |
had your intelligence, and yellow cover, I'd |
hire out rs an almanac Don't Won know that |
willows don't give fruit q I'm going to put in |
some ounce trees and olives. There You get |
your fruit and shade together. Then, around in |
the corners of the fence I'll plant strawberry
vines
''rhat'll he nice" chirruped Mrs. Spoopenilyke
"And when we kill the pig, I'll make some little
oil-silk bags to put the sausage in"
"What bagsH demanded Mr.. SpoOpeadyke.
Those oil-silk bags that always come around
sanSages."
''Oh yes! those. They'll do, any time Say,
think I'll get some sheep, and then, during the
long winter evenings, We can shear them at our
leisure
won't they Lnut us - asked Mrs Spoopen-
dyke.
III get some qniet ones without horns re-
piled Mr.. SPonpendyke. ''or else some that have
their horns all curlcd around so they can't stick
in must find out how to make honey and
the first thing we want is a Windmill"
''Then we can always tell which way the wind
blows, exclaimed Mrs. SpoOpendy ke. ''Get one
with a man holding spy-glass to his eye. ]
saw
''Who cares iod gastetl cent what We saw N
raved Mr.. SpOOpendyke. 'Do you know what
a windmill is. Think it's got eyes all over it,
like measly old maid' Got n notion that a
windmill goes around with its skirts hoisted up,
.f...1.
it don't, tell ye; and it don't go skyting about
with men, either It's MILL and it will pump
water wieaever you want it TO. Understand
what it is, nowf'
Certainly, dear" rejoined Mrs. Spoopendyke;
''but thought You meant something to put on
the chimney, when it don't draw. Now, where
could VIC keep wind 7"
.'Chain it up behind the houser Numbered
Mr.. SpOopendyke. ut will have a collar on,
and we can bring il in nights, or have a kennel
built for it. Got it nowf Think you'd know a
wind mill, if ] asked one home to dinner'7
Il know what it is now whimpered Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "Its thing that turns around
That's it, snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. sit
waltzes. You've struck the idea; with what
you know now, and what you've got to find out
you only need good breeze and a fight around
the corner to be whole four-mll,"
Il see the report says that you must give your
hen chopped tUTnips, once in WHILE said Mrs. |
SpooPcndyke, putting her thumb on the para
graph.
EITHER that or eabbages," returned her hus- |
bund. II don't know whether well have cab |
hages enough" lie continued. musingly.
You might have less bnckwheat,n suggested
Mrs. Spoopeudyke.n | should think, though |
that two acres would be enough for one hen, and
if it isn't. You can buy load now and then from
the ncighhorS.r
''lll think that over replied Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. Heres one thing i don't understand.
1t says we should test few seeds before plant |
ing, TO make sure they will terminate, but it
doesn't say how to do it,
May he it means to boil them" suggested ,
Mrs. Spoopeudyke, 'or perhaps you-"
''Or perhaps you think it means to crack 'em
with axe, TO If they're hard, | s'pose
you've got an idea yon stick straws into EN- as |
You do into bread, 10 See if they're done. Well,
you don't; You put acid on 'em. 'tIll get some I
Icid. and drop 'em in, and If it discolors them,
they're not good, and if it DON'T they're all right
think we ought to have some weevil for that
pig
Il don't know where you're going to plant it, s
aid Mis-. Spoopendykc, 'nnless it will grow with
Duckwheat or onions. You can't pnt it in with a
he cabbage, because the pig and hen would fight
do yOu know what weevil is r demanded I
Nr. Spoopendyke, glaring at his wife. 'Got l
notion that it's some kind Of weed for the pig to
,moke haven't yoQf Imagine its pilt-edprl