National Republican., 1881-12-06
SOME FUN.

The tax thefts in Philadelphia run
up into the millions. It's very easy thing TO rob
q community that submits TO six-cent street-car
fires.
An elephant was knocked down the
other day ut sherlns sale for 81 100 This is con-
sdercd very low, and as the price may advance In
a few days Il behooyes poor families to purchase
their winters stock OF elephants now,-Norrts'
toun Herald
"A useful employee: "No" said the
plumber of his assistant, Harry isn't much of
workman, but he's profitable man for me. He's
spch masher that the cooks will keep the water
pipe frozen up all the time, so as to have him
around."-Boston Post.
"A poor sufferer in the hospital heard
the surgeon remark as he passed his bedside;
,"Thcpoor fellow Is in stdtu quo, suppose2" When
his wife visited him next morning the patint said /.
'0h, Mary, shall never get well now, for I've
sdtu quo, as well as broken leg."-Cdrl Schurz.
Governor Bloxham, of Florida, COM
menting on the advance Of civilization in his
State, said "a sewing machine agent sold a
Singer to TlgerTail. the Indian chief Of the Ever
glades, the other day, and after working IL one
day the old fellow kicked bis wife out OF his tent"
which goes TO develop heretofore unsupported
danger In the sewing g-machine.
The Texas SytingS says a tramp has
"no earthly excuse to steal ride let him tear
his clothes, punch q hole in his hat, paint his
nose red, and then apply to the president of the
road for n free pnss as u member of the press"
Well, we suppose tramp thus disguised would be
mistaken for member of the press-for member
of the Texas press, that is.-NoTrist00n Herald.
In the shoe store. Enter old customer,
wearing look of mingled anger and despar
"Mr. Blicky, have l ever done you a wrong2"
Blicky, surprised" No, you haven't" Customer
=" Have ever said word against your" Blicky,
more surprised" Never, that / know Of" Gus
toner" Haven't dicdys treated you as gentle
manW Blicky, thoroughly stoundcd-"Certainy
you have Certainly you haveW Customer-"Then
why, Mr. Bcky, did you sell me one boot that
squawks and another one that doosn'tT
-"These rubber garments are such a
blesslng" remarked fat man, as he brought into
street car perfect deluge of water. The lady at
his right who mopped one side ofhis coat with her
costly dress, agreed with him perfectly; the man nt
his LEFT, who caught about pint of the drppngsin in
his shoe, could scarcely conceal his admiration;
while the young miss to whom the fat man gal
lantly offered his scat few minutes later, went
Into perfect ecstaces as she sat down In pool of
water LETT on the car seat Cicteldnd Sunday Sun.
=" You must kiss me twice in the very
same place, George or can never be your bride"
"Are you certain of this, Myrtle2 Is there no ap-
peal from this decision?' None whatever"
answered the girl, giving her hustle hitch to the
LEFT. Looking lovingly into Myrtle's deep blue
eyes, George bent over and kissed the sunny
haired beauty on her right cheek, Just aft of
where chunk of gum lay silently alongside her
jaw. And II do not kiss you again we must
part foreverT he asked. "Yes." replied Myrtle
Then good evening" he said, in cold, cruel tones
You have unwitingly released me from my
vows and, with hoarse, piratical laugh, he
jumped over the front gate and was gone.-Eronl
Sdred by a Kiss" bD Wayne Mac Iodgh