Litchfield enquirer., 1881-03-24
CLIPPINGS.

It does not pay to give $5, ,0OO education to $5 boy.
 l There is hog in Ohio which is fifty years old. This must be ancient Greece. The proper remedy. for a young lady who is short of stature is osget splicedG as soon as possiole' .o 2 .ss &l VI - l A Al 1O When some politicians are weighed they are found wanting every office in which there is vacancy. #"'.'
 Teacher-s'What are the principal races of men ?" Smart boy at tle' foot of the elass- ''Go s-you. please races, mum" ~ Ss @%'AA Teacher Why did Moses mother hide him among the reeds" ?" upil-"Because she did not want to have him vaccinated There are two things wanting to make New | York's worlds fair success. One is a change of site and the other is sight of change" To avoid being cheated in a horse trade, be sure that your own horse is absolutely worth less. This simple rule never fails. Levi Bishop petitions the Michigan Legis- lature to pass law that all physicians, be. l fore receiving authority to practice, shall be 1 queath their bodies to'ag medical college for dissection N 2A -sCJ& 4J1
 P The Boers' oath is a pretty longoney When | a bore is assisted out of business office. 4fis oath is seldom more than three words in ] length But what it lacks in voluminous- ness is more than made up in sulphuric | emphaticness.
 A Chicago society offered last year prize of one hundred dollars of the best treatise on the question, How best to destroy rats" The prize has just been awarded to Doctor Burnett 1 h0 tl, number of cats." r yfS8 ss
 Vauderbllt's income will allow him to visit S,000scircuses, eat 10,O00 pints of peanuts and I drink 5000 glasses of lemonade every day in tbe year. But he doesn't do it. Thus it can be seen that wealth is given to those who don't An'" n'" 'o enJoy II. | ta5tD O1;B 9W
 An Englishman who went to see an Irish friend, Knocked at the street door and asked Does Mir. McGuire live here? "He does SOFT: but he's dead - ''When dld he die ?'' If he'd lived till tomorrow was the response ''he'd have been dead fortnight" " JI 2 7,
 A story is told at the expense of the peo- ! pie of Brookline, Mass The town owned an old hearse and disposed of itAto aa-Irishman for $l4 Alta little expense he altered it for use as swill cart and began to use it in that capacity. This so shocked the citizens that it was purchased back at a cost of several hun dred dollars s9e.. J lgad
 Double back action joke: A couple of young men went out fishing the other day and on returning were going past farm house and felt hungrY Theyi yelled to fthe farmers milk ?" The reply was gently waited back to their ears: Yes bufSwskssp K for asE oiir own cal ves.S TheEboys calcu1aed 4hattheg had business away-and they went.
 Yes. saw is Arkansaw, and don't you forget It The Legislature have officially de- cided this.t We can now sing
 The prettiest gall ever saw 1 Was on the banks of the Arkansaw. | TQyingto1he,viIe modern pronu6c 6cisti61 of Arkansas it had been ffattened out of ali its 1 original beauty until it appeared as + I never saw as pretty lass As the gall 1 saw on the Arkansas, x
 The restaurants have had such run of custom that some of the walters are little inattentive~ AAe stranger csllst for plae of | oysters, and after smelling them he said ::
 Waiter are these oyster fresh2" "We are Inotsrunning eHigence efaee." 1T would like to know if they are fresh 2' Well. then. eat them, then you will know for yourself. l You don't expect me to, eat them for you do yon?~ Do 1 look~like I was hsre to try old l oysters ?"
 The Hartford 'Courant had in it's death col umn the other day the death by drowning of 1 the old citizen of Windsor who got,adrift on a cake of ice, but escaped by the skin of. his teeth. This reminds the Hartford corresuon- l dent of the Springfield Republican of funuyi blupder of the Norwich Bulletin many wears l agp when the sdeaths' ,appeaFe6 one morning prder thes head off CleafedN in the marine re- | port, whereupon several communications were | sent to the paper as to the omission of the usual statement of destination that should fol- ! low clearances.