davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
What an Inebriated Individual
Wanted an Undertaken For.

An inebriated individual the other night
got on wild hurrah, as the boys would
call it, and. after doing the bar-rooms UNI
til he became almost wearicd out, wound
up about o'clock in the morning at the
establishment of well-known undertaken
in East Washington. After knocking at
the door for several minutes, the proprietor
came to the window, and bawled out,
What's wanted?"
Say, Mr.. - hic, said his inebriated
nibs, want to see you for moment.
Come down." r.--
do you want to give an order?' asked
the undertaken.
Yes, an order. Come down." said the
visitor.
The proprietor dressed himself and came
down stairs, and. unlocking the door, let
the man in. Now, said he, what can
do for your"
"Say, hic, l want to order you never to
come to my house. You are the last man
want to have anything to do with. Good
night, SIR"
The undertaken, who thought he had a
job, fired the fellow out and returned to his
downy couch, murmuring as he went along,
Sold again. "
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
national Hotel Arrivals.

Jas. w. Mills, N. Y; T. NJ. Logan, Rich
mond, Va. A. II. Blakes, N. Y. 20. G. Bar
ron aud wife, N. H.. Frank l.. Landers,
NY; Hon. L. s. Lacey, Mich; +. S. Cur
ner, N. Y; Hon. L. s. Moulton, J.. r.
Francis, Ill. f. Cuyler Hutchins, Phila.
II. G. Smother, Hampton, Va; r. L. Cor
RE, Hull, Eng. John S. Line. Towanda,
Pa. Miss Lottie Bolton, N. y; Phil II
Kirby, "Sparks" Company;J III. Wemple,
Norfolk, Va; Hon: R. +. Pettigrew, ID. I.
]. r. Gamble. Yankton, ID. T.; Henry
Hcaton, l.. M. Case and wife, Leesburg,
Va. John r. Miller. n. y; Gen; w, II
ID. Campbell, Scottsboro, Ala. l.. TAFT,
BALTIC NJ. V. Foster New Bedford, Mass.
Uriah Bruner, West Point, Neb.; t. w
Rnylstnn BaltO.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
ruueral of m Nuu

The funeral ceremonies of Sister NJ.
Joseph Owens, who died Saturday at the
Convent of the Visitation, Connecticut
avenue and l. street, took place yesterday
afternoon, in the convent chapel. The
dead religieuse was SO years of age, and has
been thiity-two years in the convent. The
remains, Enclosed in a plain painted coffin,
reposed within sight Of those assembled
behind tho bars, and was conveyed to the
doors of the outer chapel by four of the
nuns. Father Boyle, of st. Matthew's,
preached the sermon and read the burial
service, after which tho remains were
taken to the cemetery at the Georgetown
Convent and there inferred. The deceased
was native of Philadelphia, and greatly
beloved by the numerous old friends of the
convent. This is tho second death that has
occurred within short timo at this con-
vent.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28


Mr. Charles Croker has given $50, 900 to
the California Academy Of Sciences. tho
income Of which endowment fund is to be
applied to original research in the Far
West.
The Marquis de Rochambeau has been
made an honorary member of the Massa.
chusetts Historical Society. Ho had for
merly beer corresponding member.
Senior Hameken Mexa, the orator who
pronounced the eulogy upon Garfield at the
recent memorial meeting in the City Of
Mexico is member Of the Mexican Con-
gress and editor Of tho Libertad. He is
mentioned as brilliant writer and speaker
and genuine republican.
A paragraph has recently gone tho rounds
that Justice Swayne had several sons In
Government service. This is wholly in
correct. His eldest son, General Wager
Swayne, who lost o log in the war, is dis
tinguished lawyer and railway officer, and
his other three sons are pursuing successful
professional careers.
Fitting emblems are not always appro-
ciated. The neighbors of poor follow who
died erected tombstone to his memory,
and had placed above it tho conventional
white dove. The widowlooked at it through
her tears, and said : at was very thought
full to put it there. John was fond Of guu-
ming, and it is an especially suitable en-
blem. "-Hartt0rd Times.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
A Wnr Reminiscence.

The late DIR. Allston w. Whitney was q
great admirer of Gen. Butler, and on being
asked why he supported the latter so
strongly in his campaign for Governor, the
doctor gave the following reason: While
no was prisoner in Libby, held as q
hostage for Confederate officer of equal
rank captured by our army, Gen. Burn
side, who was operating in East Tennessee
with tho Ninth Corps, captured two rebel
captains, who were hanged as spies after
satisfactory proof that that was their mis-
sion inside of our lines. When the news
reached Richmond there was great excite
ment among the Confederates, and the re-
suit was that an order was issued that two
Union captains should be hanged in retalia.
ton. The choice fell upon an Ohio and
a New York captain. who were notified to
be prepared for death on the following day.
Almost Immediately after the announce
ment of what was to be done, Gen. Butler,
who was then in command Of the Army of
the James in front of Richmond, was ap-
prised of the fact He had just captured
Gen. Fitzhugh Lee and another Con-
federate General, and sent back word to
the authorities of Richmond that If they
executed the two captains he would per-
form q like duty with the two generals.
The Confederates protested that tho execu-
tion Of officers OF superior rank for those
Of an inferior rank never was known in the
history of war, and was contrary to all pre-
cedents; but the only satisfaction that they
got from Gen. Butler was that he didn't
care what had been done in tho past, and
that he was willing to established new
precedent, IL necessary. The result was
that the lives ofthe two officers were spared,
and from that time 10 his death DIR. Whit
ney never ceased to praise Gen. Butler.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
A Puzzled MINI.

The inebriate is sometimes as simple
minded and over-credulous as child, and,
we may add, as easily puzzled. One such
too good natured and witty to remain sober
long, was vainly trying to find his way
home. He accosted passer by with, "Beg
pardon, sir. I've been having too good O
time to walk very straight. Will you be
kind enough, beg pardon, sir, to tell me
which is the other side of the street," The
stranger kindly answered, "Why, my dear
fellow, suppose it is just over there"
pointing with his finger The inebriate
seemed to DO strangely puzzled by the
answer, and for moment was lost in pro-
found meditation. At last he looked into
the strangers face and said sweetly: "Beg
pardon, sir, that's just what thought my
self, but l went over there about ten
minutes ago and asked a gentleman the
same question, and-beg pardon, sir--he
told me it was over here. What in, the
world Pm going to do don't know. You
see--beg pardon, sir-I live just on the
other side Of the street from the club, and
I've been more than two hours trying to
And IT,
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
A Case orConsciencc.

Detroit Free Press.
A citizen of Detroit entered Michigan
avenue grocery tho other day and said he
wanted private word with the proprietor.
When they had retired to the desk he be-
gan:
II want to make confession and repara-
ton. Do you remember of my buying
sugar here two or three days agof"
~ do
"Well, in paying for it / worked OF q
counterfeit quarter on tho clerk. 1t was
a mean trick, and came to tender you
good money"
"Oh, don't mention it, replied the gro
Ger.
"But want to make it right"
"It's all right-all right. We knew who
passed the quarter on us, and that after
noon when your wife sent down dollar
bill and wanted can of sardines gave
her that bad quarter with her change.
Don't let your conscience trouble you Mt
all-it's all right"
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28

~ will write you again next summer, IL
we can get in our mail, is the somewhat
cherries sentence with which John Muir
doch, Wisconsin zoologist, now at the Sig
nal Service station near Point Barrow, ends
a letter to The Wisconsin State Journal con-
tanning picturesque description Of the ma
tives who boarded the ship at Plover Bay,
Siberia. The Signal Service officers will re-
main at Point Barrow three years.
Devotion to friends is melted less by the
esteem we have for them than the fuss
they make over us. Whence comes it that
we are so often deceived.
Some Washington ladies who have
seen all tho Presidents for more than thirty
years say that Willard Fillmore was tho
handsomest OF the number.
A secret society Of woman in Concord
is called the "Order Of Sci ect Doo-Doos.'
Must be an aesthetic hay fever crowd. Doc
udderly doo-doo, you know
as your father q Christian?' said a
gentleman to little boy on one occasion
Eyes, SIR" said the little boy "but be-
lievo he has not worked much at 1t lately
When Adam was in his bachelorhood he
found his nights lonely, and always well
coined the morn with gladness. Still, for
all that, he was happier when Eve came.
A merchant died suddenly just after
finishing q letter. His clerk added in
postscript "Since writing the above
have died. Tuesday evening, 9TH in
slant"
And now they tell us bedbug bites cure
rheumatism. Another and pleasanter
way is to get in front Of an express train
and try to sling il off the track as it comes
up.
Bob Toombs is as notorious for his hos.
pitality as for being one OF the most rabid
Of the unreconstructed rebels. Not long
since it was proposed to build hotel in
Washington, Ga, where he lives, and q
committee called upon him for subscrip
tion. "What tho hell do you want Of +,
hotel in Washing on ?" he cried. Every
respectable person who comes to town puts
up with Bob Toombs, and is welcomes and
every disreputable person leaves town be
cause he cannot put up anywhere Sucf
being the case the project was abandoned,
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28

"The Cincinnati Commercial prints the
following extracts from a letter written by
Mr.. Joseph Jefferson to a gentleman in
that city, who, in soliciting his autograph,
had asked of him some personal particulars
of his life and artistic career:
"My first appearance on the stage of life
took place in Philadelphia on the Goth OF
February, 1929. OF course this event is Of
little interest to the world, but 1t was OF
vast Importance to me. 1t would be quite
impossible for me to give you full list OF
all the parts have played, but the follow.
ing arc some of the principal ones: Boo
Acres, Doctor Pdngloss, Asa Trenchdrd, Doc
tor ORapod, Caleb Plummer, Tony Lumpktn
Newman Noggs, Dogberry Mr.. Golighhy
Touchstone, Fixture Launcelot, Gobbo, Dig
CORY, etc. Oh, forgot-Rp Van Winkle
I think have played Rip Yam Winklt
about $500 times-and for which may l
be forgiven in another anda better world
where there will be no matinees and nc
managers"
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28

A. X. Tingle, supervising special agent Of
the Treasury, in hisannual report, shows that
the receipts from customs for the fiscal
year 1881 were $200,O79, $50, and the ex-
penso of collection $6,419,345. In 1877
the receipts were S132, ,029, and the
expenses of collection were $6,50l 037.
Mr.. Tingle is of the opinion that the
present method of entering imported goods
and assessing and collecting could be
greatly simplified and rendered much less
vexatious and expensive to importers, and
he suggests a plan to remedy this trouble.
He also recommends that the law be so
amended as to do away with the oath which
must now be taken upon the entry of
merchandise. He further recommends the
consolidation of certain districts and the
abolition of useless ports of entry.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
A Musical Genius.

Mr.. Eugene D'Albert is boy who is all
ready called by the London Times "a mu-
steal genius Of the first order" He is now
seventeen, and has just played in London q
pianoforte concerto which he composed n
year ago. and which, says the Times, "is
perhaps unique in the history of music as
an instance of precocious gift. To speak OF
this work us a juvenile production would
be mere affectation 1t shows depth Of
Thought, an intensity OF passionate utter
ance, o perfect mastery Of the orchestra,
which are rarely found among composers OF
mature years. Mr. D'Albert is tho son OF
the popular composer Of dance music, and
received his artistic education at the South
Kensington Training School,"
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
Advent.

With yesterday commenced the sacred
season of Advent. intended as a prepara-
tion for the great festival of Christmas. 1t
is also the commencement of the Christian
wear. 1t is observed in the Protestant
Episcopal and Catholic churches. The
epistles and gospels are all very ancient and
very proper for the time. They teach the
truth of Christ's first coming, and point out
the prospect of the second coming to judge
the world. 1t is designed to be season Of
differentiation and discipline.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
That Cashier.


Newark's cashier who stole everything
from his bank but the building, which could
hardly be called portable property, set an
example that will make the rogues accord
him high place in their admiration. The
said cashier reminds one of the street car
conductor who reported to the treasurer,
after making his first round trip, have
no returns to make" The treasurer, after
contemplating his colossal cheek for a
while, replied: "Well, my friend, the
company is much obliged to you for bring
ing the car back"
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
A Good Ulster For $3.50.
I. Hamburger & Sons, 615 Penna. ave.
she Told Him.

"What would you do II you were and
I were you2" tenderly inquired young
swell TO his lady friend as no escorted her
home from church. well, said she, III |
were you would throw away that vile
cigarette, cut mp, my cane for hrewoodi'
and stay at home nights and pray for
brains,n
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
Literary Notes.

The December number of the International
Repiew will contain, besides other important
and interesting matter, the following
works: New Outlets for American Pro.
ducts" by Robert j. Creighton; Influence
of European Industries on the United
States" by j. l., Stephens; Sugar Culture
in Louisiana" by Edward Hogan.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
THE EVENING CRITIC.
ESTABLISHED AUGUST. 1893.
AMuSEM z NTS.


FOru's Opera.hOuse.
Haverly's inimitable "Strategists " sp-
pear at Ford's during the week with the
eminent comedian, Mr.. Jos. b. Polk, sup
ported by splendid company. The wide
reputation of this famous combination Is
too well known TO need commcndation.
There will be matinces on Wednesday and
Saturday.
The National Theatre.
The matchless Willie Edouin, with his
brilliant Sparks" company, opens at the
National tonight in his wonderfully bu.
morous piece of dreams or, Fun in q
Photograph Gallery" The magnificent
costumes, charming music and handsome
manner in which this piece is put upon the
stage make IL the most perfect success Of
the season.
The Theatre COmique
presents fine programme this week, racy
and of varied merit.
Gcrster.
On Friday and Saturday evenings, De-
cember 3 and g. Mr.. Strakosch will give
two performances at Fords Opera-house Of
grand opera, the world-renowned artist,
Madame Etelka Gerster, making her first
appearance in this city on that occasion In
the role of Violetta in La Traviata."
Gestcr Is unexceptionally the greatest
living artist on the lyric stage, and appears
in our city supported by magnificent
troupe. Among her supplementary artists
are. Mile. Maria Leslino, of the Grand
Opera of Paris; Mile. Van Anthem,
prima donna soprano Mile. Ricci, primo
tenor; Signor Francesca Giannini, Signor
Lazzarini and Mr.. Perugini: baritone and
bassi Signor Massmo, Ciapini, Mr.. George
Sweet, Signor Mancini and Signor Carboni ;
prime ballerini, Miles. La Bella and Gossi 3;
grand chorus and orchestra-musical direc-
tors, s. Bchrens and Signor De Novellis.
The sale of seats began at Metzerott's this
morning. Those DESTROYS of seeing this
grand queen of song, should purchase their
seats at once.
On Monday evening next, Mademoiselle
Litta will give one of her magnificent con
certs at Lincoln Hall. This grand vocalist
is supported by splendid troupe of noted
artists and her appearance here causes great
interest among musical and artistic circles
This lady is an American, being native Of
Bloomington, Illinois; educated in this
country and in Paris-under the tutelage
of the famous Madame Virnot. In the
French capital she developed into one of the
first artists of the day, and awoke an enthu'
siasm throughout the continent rarely
equaled at any period in tho history OF
musical art. Her concert here will be O
feature rarely witnessed, even at the Ma
tiOnal CAPITAL.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
The GarHcId Memorial Services.

Preparations are already in progress for
tho national memorial services to be held
in the Hall of the House of Representa-
tives, at the Capitol, in honor Of the
martyred President. They will be very
impressive in character. Tho great Hall,
in which tho obsequies of Lincoln were
held, will be draped in black. All the seats
in the galleries and on the floor will be re.
served for prominent men and women. If
the programme, partly formed, is carried
out, two Senators, of whom Senator Sher-
man will probably be one, and two Repre-
sentatives, of whom j. Randolph Tucker,
Of Virginia, will probably be one, will
deliver memorial addresses after the Rev.
Mr.. Power shall have offered prayer. A
poem written by Mrs. Harrison Glazier, of
this city, formerly of Hiram College. will
BIZ read by Representative A. II. Pettibone,
of Tennessee, formerly of Hiram College,
and the Marine Band will render appro-
priate music.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
ney.GeucrnI.

A NJ Ciheon ,vhnae nuthoritv to net as
snac;oI a ,nrnar " tbe Star.ro,;to nrosccu |.
tion zoo nrns,;onad has written n letter 70
Samuel 7 PhiI,ins Acting ATTORNEY. General.
rac;t;na tho cirr,,nstanc noes nnder which he
cont ne ronort Of the result of his inouiries
into tbe caso 70 tbe Denartment of Justice,
NJ c;hson adds.
WI o.o,on a, 49, a., -, ,n.,, 90 100, 7 woa
ON nIoved nv tho NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. as n special
assistant attorney to represent tho Department
OF Justice and TO assist In the investigation and
OF ,he @ !, s ,i
iiclteS 9 u NV sI myseIf. elf / supposed, Of
aa,,,aa ,rot a. sa,, I'm, md hear nod
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
DIED.

| MAINE,-on the 25th inst. John ii. Maine
| aged "a years, 10 months and 10 days.
Funeral services at Estreet Baptist Church, on
Tuesday evening, November 20, at half past six
o'clock. Interment In Brooklyn, N. Y. 90.
| WILMARTH.-On Sunday, November q, Clara
Louise, only child of j. j. and Louisa s. Wilmarth
| In the eth year of her age.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
A vile Islander on n Centenerian

that she has grown stout, has lost the
velvety quality of voice which was what
made the people call her goddess and
worship her, and looks thirty or forty years
older than when she sang in the old theatre
here before the war.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
A stateaman's Compromise.

st. Louis Globe-Demoorat.
Mr.. Vest says he failed to come to tho
river convention because he couldn't get
pair" When the average Missouri con-
gresham doesn't get pair he draws for .
flush
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
Durang,s Rheumatic remedy

will cure any case of Rheumatism ON the
face of the green earth. Sold by every live
druggist in Washington.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
{" Alderney Dairy Wagons"

Fresh Alderney butter, churned every
morning, and delivered in lib WARD
prints, at 45c. per ID. Also cottage CHEESE,
&C. per ball buttermilk, &C. per quart, and
sweet milk, &C. per quart.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
Rex. m. De Witt TaIImnge.

This eminent Divine will lecture at Con-
gregational Church on Wednesday, Deem
Der Z, delivering his famous essay on nig
Blunders' Reserved seats are now LOT SAFE
Mt Brad. Admas', S14 4 street,
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
1881 THE GREAT 1881
PENNSYLVANIA ROUTE,
To THE MOTH, WEST AND SOUTHWEST.

~ The NUhIh, WEbI AMI bOUIhWEo Is
DOUBLE TRACK, STEEL RAILS.
Splendid Scenery, Magnificent Equipment
IN EFFECT MAY 10, 1851
TRAINS LEAVE WASHINGTON, from depo
corner Of Sixth and streets.
For Plttseurg and the West sCSs m Daily With y
M daily, with Sleeping Cars from Harrisburg
daily, with Palace Car to Pittsburg.
BALTIMORE POTOMAC RAILROAD,
For Canandaigua,, Rochester, Buffalo, Niagara
Eas with paGSF car to sndaH az apa the
IN. daily except Saturday with Palace car to
For Wllamsport, Lock Haven and Elmira
For yarf fa aES SSs s Rgas sp sS 1890 a.
and and iS S PM p. M i.' limited Express 81 Pullman
For fssSs , SSa s So%nsc
Jersey City with boats Of brooklyn Annex, a.
a ss s1rss s ye9 sEes avoid
For phila Ss 500 a. 1 S s SS MI @ ~
1890 and 1915 ,. m; Limited Express, $50 a. m.
daily, except Sunday; % ,ooo ~, ooo
40, 4io, $40 $50, io,6o and iO.i5p p. m. On sun:
day, 500 1880 a. M, 200, $40, $780, 1000 and lOle
For Pope's Creek Line, $40 a. m. and 40 p. m
For Annapolis $40 a. m. and 40 p. M, daily er
ALEXANDRIA, AND FREDERICKSBURG
HALFWAY AND ,ALEXANDRIA AND
For Alexandria, 7, 100 o. 20 and 30 H. M, 40,
go, s and Hop m. On Sundays At 100, W
For a Rchmon a and All The South 700 and lilo a. M
daily and 5 p. M daily except sunday a q =
aud 10 a. M, 1910 8, 5, 0,l0 p. M, and " mid
night. On Sunday at sos and 10 "A. m, and
! 9.Oo p m.
Tickets information sleeping and parlor car &C
Communications can be procured at the offices, north
avenue and at the station where orders can te
lett for the checking of baggage to destination frop
| hotels and residences.
J,R. Woop, General PASSENGER Agent,
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
MARRIED.

MALOY-MOXLEY,-At the residence OF the
brldegroom's father, No. 1901 4 street northwest
by the Rev. - NJ. Hartsock, Jas T.. Maloy, IT., OF
this city, to Miss Mary ID. Monkey, of Montgom-
cry County, Md.
Nn anr1q
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
Rough on New Jersey.

Cashier Baldwin, of the Newark bank,
said to friend the other day "For the
last seven years / have lived in hell"
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
xanths, IiIsterettes.

So will buy an all-wool ulsterette, sub
tantial and. stylish, at Eiseman Bros,
corner of Seventh and L streets.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28

So will buy neat, substantial ulsterette
for your boys at Eiseman Bros, corner of
Seventh and Il streets,
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE,
vkauTNnTnN luna AS

You are hereby appointed special assistant
United States attorney for the District OF Co.
lumbia, TO aid In tho prosecution OF certain
frauds on tho United States, in connection with
what is known as the Star-route investigation,
at q compensation to be determined by the
Acknowledgement when the suits arc ended.
You Will take the oath prescribed for district
attorneys and transmit tho same to this De-
partment Very respectfully.
WAYNE MAcvEAoH, Attorney General.
The note to Gibson, dated October %, was
in an entirely different form and style.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28

DRAFTS ON London, Dublin and Paris, at
n. %. Cooke, Jr., & Co.'s, 1920 ST.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-28
AUCTION SALES.
r r ooLDWEII, real Estate Auctionoor.

r T. coLDwELL, Real Estate Auctloneor.
TRUSTEES SALE OF A DESIRABLE TWO
STORY DWELLING NO. i9oo 81 N.
Nv virtue of n decd of trust dated March 10, -.
A. b. 1916 duly recorded In liber No 800, folio DIAM
49, one OF the land records for the District OF MI
Columbia, and at the request OF the party aecuIcu
thereby, shall surviving trustee, onef ior SAFE
at public auction, In front Of the premises; on
WEDNESDAY, November 30. 1881, Mt 4:3O o'clock
D. M, the following described real estate situhle
In the city of Washington, u. G., 70 VII; MI I'M.
piece or parcel OF ground being lot numbered w.
In w. A. Gordon's subdivision of part OF square
numbered i52, together with the improvements
&c. an
Terms: One-fourth cash, and the balance In 0, IL
and IL months with interest ut per cent. per nm
num- secured by deed Of trust, or all cash. at op.
ton OF purchaser 800 deposit at time OF SALE ana
all conveynncing nj purchasers cost. -,
Terms 10 be complied with In seven days, other
wise the trustee r, serves the right TO resell the
property Mt the risk and cost Of the demuting pur
chaser after Ave days advertisement
BRAINARD II. WARNER,
noiseodAds Surviving Trustee.