The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-06-01
FLOATING FANCIEs.

Jones calls his poetry Virtue, because II Is
it's own reward.
t>When a Texas editor ID shot his fellow
kind say Of him that he was double loaded.
ttHe q doctor, said old C~hawbacon, speak
ing Of a young practitioner, why, ne could
not cure a ham,
II find that with light meals my health i'm
proves" said the Esquimaux; and down went
another candle.
It is terribly embarrassing to come into town
from a fishing excursion and find there IS not
q trout in the market.
Anna Dickinson's failure to play Claude
Melnotte is explained. She couldn't ind q
pair of pants she could pull on over ner
head.
Bob I~ngersoll has made $780, 900 out of his
lecture on hell. IL there is no such place
Robert has made q good deal Of money out OF
nothing.
A Brooklyn fashion paper stated that
t.maiden's blush" was q fashionable color,
and none Of the readers had any idea what it
was like.
When the types are made to say that an
honest man is the nobbiest work CT God, it is
time to throw glass bombs into the compos-
ing-rOom.
Perhaps there is no sadder sight than to
o maiden lady Of the age Of 40 OF thereabouts
sneak off by herself for the purpose Of rock
ing G cradle.
Sad case: The girl who was locked in her
lovers arms for three hours explains that it
wasn't her fault. She claims he forgot the
combination.
A Sacramento artist sold his pet painting
for NERO and then saw it in q dairyman's
window with "Morgan's pure milk producer
painted on each cow.
Matilda-No. Mrs Burnetts story, "A
fair Barbarian" does not refer to the young
woman who asks you to stake q share" IN
the sawdust pincushion.
They say Beaconsfeld never wore anything
but patent-leether shoes. a man with moth
ing on but patent-leather shoes must have
been 8 pretty Dizzy spectacle In parliament.
Thousands of pounds of American honey
are now shipped to France. and if any Gaul
intin1ates that it is all adulterated, the expor-
ter is ready to retort: "Honey SOFT gu mai
pe72Se."
A gentleman who left Q good business at
the east to 20 west and start an independent
newspaper, significantly writes: '"Thank
God !! there is no imprisonment for debt in
this state"
A woman pianist who plays with only one
hand is Just now the talk Of Paris. II we
remember rightly, the Italian organist invar-
iably plays with only one hand. The Italian
has g wonderfulturn for music.
Presence of mind: Tommy (who has seen
Janet's lover kissing her)-"Oh, kiss me, too,
Janet!' Janet CONSCIOUS Of mammals ap-
preaching footsteps Don't say kiss me
two,' Tommy. Say kiss me twice!
a Young man who had begun telling q
sinister what kind Of tea he liked best, said,
II have loved Oo-long., The maiden turned
scarlet, and declared that she would not be
made the subject Of puns at this age OF lite.
Fashionable belle wants to know what
shades will be most preferred this coming
summer. Well, the shade Of q big elm will
be very popular, but at the seaside the shade
of big umbrella will be much sought after.
A boiled owl, whose imagination had PEG
pied the twilight woods with snakes, finding
that reform was necessary, sWOTe Oft, and,
becoming an apostle of temperance, hooted
thereafter at $500 q week and expenses to
crowded barns.
Faint Praise: H4thetic Lady-"Is not
that Mrs. Brabazon, whose photograph is in
all the shop windows e. The professor-'It
is. She is handsome, is she not?' Aesthetic
Lady-"WeIl, yaas-a-essentially a woman
of the nineteenth century"
Blotts-ssWhy do you put your portrait in
your WINDOW ]! SnODOS- wen, OppOslle
is q young ladies' institute, and as I am
Obliged to be away from my window all day,
attending to business, I leave the poor things
my picture to comfort them"
sMother," remarked o Duluth girl, 81
think Harry must be going to propose to me.
why SO, my daughter ?" queried the ole
lady, laying down her spectacles, while hel
face beamed like the moon in its fourteenth
night. "Well, be asked me this evening if
wasn't tired of living with such q menagerie
as you and dad"
An elderly lady, VIII was very indignan'
at the conduct of q man in q Galveston street
car, who was smoking, punched the driver
in the back with her umbrella, and asked:
'sDriyer, amt it agin the rules to smoke il
this car p s'You can smoke as much as you
please, madam, if the gentlemen don't OBJ.
ject," was the response. Then she rang the
bell and got out.
Hpn, 1ng Yea a raurn oExNxn