The Portland daily press., 1881-12-09
Spoopendyke.
Filling a Foreign Order.
brooklyn Eagle.l


3 ssSay, my DEAR said Mr.. Spoopendyke, as
he finished reading letter he had just re-
ceived, "my brother, out West, wants me to
buy a razor strop and suitable present for
young lady, and send them TO him"
''I didn't know that razor strop was suit
able present for young lady" replied Mrs
Spoopendyke, who was busy mixing catnip tea
and caught the remark imperfectly.
sIt would be a suitable present for some dod
gasted married women, if it would sharpen
'em up aDyI" retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"who said anything about razor strop and q
young lady? What I observed was that my
brother out West wants me to send him ra-
zor strop and present suitable for a young la
dy. Now, can get the strop, but don't un-
derstand what kind of a present he wants.
''Let me see," mused Mrs. Spoopendyke, her
shopping instincts rising to the surface. does
he say what kind OF young lady she is?"
mo, he doesn'tl'' roared Mr.. Spoopendyke
"He leaves something to the imagination Of
the reader suppose she s got arms and legs,
cause If she hadn't he would probably have
mentioned it. What he wants is present for
an average woman; now, what can we get for
herr" s.
"If / knew whether she was blonde or
brunette could tell better what she would
like" replied Mrs. Spoopendyke. who, like
the rest Of her sex, always associated a woman
with the color that became her best. 'Do you
suppose he means something for her to wear,
or an ornament for her house? You see don't
know whether she keeps house or boards or
lives at home"
s'Wbat difference does that maker" demand
ed Mr.. Spoopendyke. "She's probably hu-
man being but we will suppose she roosts in
tree and hops with light hearted skips from
boueh to bough like dod gasted crow"
"You might get her toilet set," suggested
Mrs Spoopendyke, taking refuge ina woman's
one idea Of an appropriate present for another
"She don't want a toilet set,n snorted Mr.
Spoopendyke, "any more'n she wants the
chickenpoxl You want to think Of something
that is pretty and at the same time she can
use Now thinki''
"How would one of the new painted porce-
lain fowerpots do?" ventured Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke.
flower pot with a measly saucer under il to
plant the tree in when it turns coldl That
your idea? One with broken legged bugs
painted on the outside and hole in the bot
TOM SO she can use 1t in the Spring for spy
glass! That's the idea! A four dollar flower
pot for six cent rose bush with the blind
staggers and touch of the pipi Where's the
pot? Fetch forth the highly seasoned flower
potl' and Mr. Spoopendyke leaned back in his
chair and glared at his wife.
i"rll tell you what will do, my dear" said
Mrs. Spoopendyke approaching the next sug-
gestion cautiously. "Why not send an al
BUMP
ssYou mean one of those books for lot of
idiots to wish they were dead IMP" asked MIR.
Spoopendyke sdsDiciousy
'No," replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, "a photo
graph album"
contemptuously "You mean that sort of
thing that girl always brings out after tea
and says, That's ma and that's pa, and that's
Aunt Vim and her little boy, and that's Uncle
81, and that's Aunt Flo. and that's Uncle jess
end that's my niece Nellie, amt she sweet?
know who that is, and that's Clara MorrisP
Don't want i'll" And Mr.. Spoopendyke's
voice rose to 9 steam whistle pitch. "Spose
I'm going to infiict suffering public with
have been in every measly album since Adam
began to wear pants? Can't ye think OF some
thing sensible?"
Wouldn't half dozen forks be nice?"
faltsred Mrs. Spoopendyke, almost at her wits
"Just the thingP' gasped Mr.. Spoopendyke.
ssHalf dozen pitchforks and a ton OF hay.
Then you might throw in an eight day hen
coop and Cat climbing over the back fence!
You've got ideas about such things! All you
want is chin whisker and q chimney to
he dod gasted Santa Clansl With your in
tellgence on these subjects, you only need
strike and glue pot TO be toy shePi I'm
going to buy this present myselfl' and Mr..
Spoopendyke shot out of the house and tore
down the street with his head sunk in his
shoulders and his fists in his pockets.
In an hour he returned all grins and tossed
parcel in his wife's lap
'Now, my dear, what do you think of that7"
he asked cheerily.
Mrs Spoopendyke opened the parcel and
disclosed huge crimson silk handkerchief
that would have made a tabernacle tent for
campmeeting.
"How did you come to think of it?" she
ssked, holding it up admirinsly.
"Why," replied Mr. Spoopendyke, he said
in the letter il I couldn't think OF ANYTHING
else to get handsome handkerchief Here it
is" and Mr.. Spcopendyke drew out the letter
triumphantly.
"But he don't say handkerchief, he says
nice handkerchief ringl Here's the ring on
the next lino," said Mrs. Spoopendyke mildly,
planting her thumb on the supplemental word.
"Dod gast the dod gasted womanP' he
howled. "Why don't he write plain? Why
don't you tell me before what he wantedI
What did you let me break my neck to get
this flag for when he wanted q ring? IL
didn't have any more sense than you We got I'd
put broken glass on my head and hire out for
the back fence of an idiot asylum" sa
And Mrs. Spoopendyke dove into his chair,
and snored Justify until bed time.
"Anyhow," thought Mrs Spoopendyke. as
she put the handkerchief away, 81 can lind
out where he bought it and trade it out for
match safes and lingerie for the baby, and by
the time he gets strap to suit him will be
pretty well fixed out for stockings and hair
pins.'
! And Mrs. Spoopendyke fred another charge
of catnip into the baby, hushing its startled
cries as Mr. Spoopendyke. fast asleep, slid out
Of his chair like a load of coal.