davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17
Seleft goetrly.
TEE OLD oEoLoGIs


Amid his fossils stretched he lay,
Himself almost fossil
Fast burning out the vital ray
Truths siurdi-st apostle
Bones, teeth and shells which be had found,
Qneer spcils Of happy labors.
And grinning saurians plastered round
These were his friends and neighbors.
Those ancient forms he loved to scan;
WhAtee r had done their duty,
In Natures vast, unfolding plan.
To him were things Of beauty.
Awhile they lived, anon they died,
Each htly I'm his station.
Where Life and Death worked side by side.
Twin daughters Of Creation
In rankest jungles freely roved
Thousand curious creatures;
He knew them well. and knowing, loved
Thrir gaunt' ungainly features.
The triiobite and eorals fair
Possessed the te-ming ocean;
Hugo winged monsters Glove the air,
And all was sport and motion.
But one by one they shed their pride.
And bowed to Deaths dominion,
Whose shafts recked not Of nammcth's hide
Or pterodaetyrs pinion-
He tracked the endless march Of time
Along ths steps Of ages:
His searching reason found no prime,
But only older stages.
New shapes Of elder shapes were born
No break in the successiOn-
A waxing day without n morn
One whole and grand progression
And Is this all-is this the sum
Of man ; supreme endeavor,
To know that. when the hour Is come,
Ho too must pass-foreyer-
Like any other feeble prey
For whom, beyond debating.
With ready arrow poised away.
Sure Death is calmly waitinsi
Shall spotless Truth, whom he has wOoed
With all q martyrs passion,
Declare the fate. In mOcking mood,
That Stays him in sneh fashion
His loyal fame, ne er growing dim,
Shall he hereafter cherish;
Or must she veil her face for him,
And leave him now to perishi
The secret Of this wondrou. plan,
By searching who can find il .
Yet something tells tho inner man
There must DO more behind il.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

A FIGURATIvE POLIcEMAN.-A police officer,
giving evidence at Bow Street office, London,
against n woman accused of robbing a pawn
broker, assured the Magistrate as follows:
THAT, on telling the prisoner the nature of
the charge on which he captured her, she turn
cd aside from. him, and swallowed a bedtick, n
pair of stays, two brass candlesticks, n smooth
ing iron, and bellowsr
"Nonsensei Have you lost your senses" ask
ed the Magistrate.
"Your Worship, mean that she swallowed
the tickets of them articles, said the policeman
"oh that, indeed" remarked the Magistrate
Daily Netrs.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17
SOONER OR LATER.

following sad piece Of poetry was found in the pc
: Of Mrs. Flora Mcdonald, after she had commit
; In Cincinnati, few years asol
Sooner or later, the storm shall beat
Over my slumber, from head to feet
Sooner or later, the wind shall rave
In the long grasses above my grave.
shall no. heed them whero lie
Nothing their sounds shall signify;
Nothing the headstOnes fret Of RAIN
Nothing TO me the dark days pain.
Sooner or later the sun shall shine
With tender warmth on that mound Of mine;
Sooner later, in Summers air,
Clover and violets blossom there.
! shall not feel, in that deep laid rest.
The sheeted light fall over my breast
Nor ever note, in those hidden hours
The wind blown breath Of the tossing flowers.
Sooner or later, the stainless SHOWS
Shall add their hush to my mute repose-
Sooner or later, shall slant and shift,
And heap my bed with their dazzling drif.
Chill though that frozen pail shall seem.
Its touch no colder can make the dream
That recEs not Of the sacred dread
Shrouding the city Of the dead.
Sooner or later the bee shall come.
And Ill the noon with its golden hum;
Sooner or later. on half.poised wing.
The blue-bird about my grave will sing
Sing and chirp and whistle with glee;
Nothing his music can mean to me;
None of those beautiful things shall know
How soundly their lover sleeps below.
Sooner or later, far out la the night
The stars shall over me wing their fight;
Sooner or later. the darklinG dews
Tatrh fh. xrbif.a I'm tbair silart
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

The HIT PALPABLR.-A few days since a trav-
eller stepped into bank located in a village in
the neighborhoOd of this city, and immediately
after his entrance, pulled off his hat, coat, and
cravat; this done, he cast look at the cashier
who was seated in the corner, calm as a summer
morning, and with a commanding shake of the
head, said, "Hadn't you better he gitttin that
ERE water heatedp The teller informed him
that he was in the wrong shop. "You are in
bank, sir, not a BARRIERS shop" "Bank, eh n
calculated the. stranger; "dang me, they told me
il was o sharing shopw
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

YESTERDAY, when red-faced man, waiting
at one of the depots for n train, blew his nose
ten or fifteen times with great echo, n news
hey ran out on the street and yelled:
'Come yere, Jim-here's Gin'ral Grantr
Jim took a long look at the man, and replied ::
"Hes not General Grant,
ale amt, amt heP shouted the first; "well,
You just wait and hear him blow his nose again,
and soc if he isn't some big gun or otherw
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

A YOUNG printer, wishing to make an over
whelming speech to his prospective father-in-
law, broke out in these words: al now ask your
permission TO transplant this lovely flower from
its parent bed'-but his feelings oyercame him
-he forgot the reminder of his speech; -four
ished, blushed, stammered, and finally wonnd
up with-"from its parent bed into my own.D
The father keenly rclished the discontinue of
the snitor, and replied; well, young man,
don't know as have any objections, provided
you marry her first"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

CoLRRIDGE tells n story of meeting a stranger
whose silence during dinner time and his atten-
tion to what others said, without interrupting
them, gave him favorable impression of his
understanding, till, unfortunately, on the ap-
pearance of some apple dumplings, toward the
close of the repast, the delusion was disspated
by the stranger suddenly exclaiming: "Thems
the iockies for mew
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

WILL SHE MOVE 3-Those Detroit boysi Here
is their latest: care you going to move this af-
ternoonp inquired boy of the mistress of
house on Sixth Street 7: ''No, of course amt"
replied the woman, considerably surprised. 81
will bet You two dollars you will; the roof of
the house is all ablaze," cried the boy. So it
was; but pedestrians, ladders, and water put it
out. The man of the house says he would give
$50 to be shut up with that boy about ten min
utes.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

A LOUISVILLE man who had only been ac-
quainted with his girl two nights, attempted to
kiss her at the gate. In his dying deposition he
told the doctors, that just he "kissed her, the
earth slid out from under his feet, and his soul
went out Of his mouth, while his head touched
touched the stars" Later dispatches show that
what allied him was the old mans boot.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

A YOUTH who, it is charitably presumed, had
never "seen the elephant" recently found him
self in company with three young ladies, and
generously divided an orange between them.
"You will rob yourself" exclaimed one of the
damsels.
''Not at all, replied our innocent, ~ have
three or four more in my pocket
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

al AN willing to risk my reputation rs n pub-
lie man. wrote Edward HIS to the Liverpool
Neresry, ''if the worst case Of smallpox cannot
be cured in three days, simply by the use Of
cream of tartar. One ounce of cream of tartar
dissolved in pint of water drank mt intervals
when cold, is n certain never failing remedy. Ii
has cured thousands, never leaves a mark, never
causes blindness, and ayoids tedious lingerinv.v
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

A CONTRIBUTOR to the 4Sricsltwist says that
he has discovered that sycamore leaves used in
place of hay or straw in hens nests, not only
protect the hens from lice, but, with whitewash-
ing. the use of the leaves has entirely banished
the vermln from the building.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

An imaginative Irishman gave utteranee TO
fathers by night, and found them in ruins, L
cried aloud, Ny fathers! Where are they 2
And the echo answered, SIS that you, Patrick
McCarthyf-
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

A CHICAGO Alderman tried for three hours to
think of George Washingtons last name, but he
couldn't do it. He said he knew it was George.
and that the man had something to do with the
Mexican war, but he couldn't remember further
Erae Prcss
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

TIE creditors of Mrs. Howes Ladies' Deposit
in Boston will receive five cents on the dollar.
This will be something of disappointment to
the creditors, as they were led to believe, when
depositing their money, that they would receive
IS on the cent.-NorTistotcH Herald
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

IT was Saturday night in Leadville. Six
rough miners were playing poker, but as the
clock struck the hour of u, proelaiming that
the Lords day had come, with one accord threw
down the cards and left the saloon. They went
across the street to sec a dog fight
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

QUEER TLsTE.-A contemporary introduces q
piece of poetry with these words:
''The following lines were written more than
fifty years ago, by one who has for many years
slept in his grave, merely for his own amuse-
mentr
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

WIVES of candidates for Sheriff complain that
their husbands keep them awake nights talking
in their sleep, and saying, ''what'n you take !
Step up, boys. Come Dam Jim, Ed, Mac Fitz
Buf, Pat, the whole Of We. Gimme some wbis-
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

They say there is q saw-mill down east which
saws SO easy, that while q young man was sit
ting on log while the saw was running through,
he was sawed in halves, and did not discover il
until the oyerseer told him to roll off.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

An Indianian says that hanging secd-cord in .
smoke house, and leaving it hang there while the
meat is being smoked, will keep moles and field
mice from eating it after it is planted
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

A YALE college student lately went to a civil
service examination, and after passing triumph
antly, astonished the examiners by telling them
that he did not want any office, but merely
wanted 50 see what the examination was like.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

COMPARATIVE MoRALITY-The late Judge NJ
had keen sense of the ridiculous, and good
story lost nothing in his hands, fund of which
he always had ready, derived mostly from his
own experience on the bench. Upon one occas-
ion he sat through long trial of a poor fellow
in Oakland County, under an Indictment for
stealing hens. The jury returned verdict of
"guilty." On his way to his lodgings, the Judge
was overtaken by Charley T., the foreman Of
the jury. ''Well, Judge" said T., CHATS the
d-dest meanest scrape / ever did hear of; you
ought to put it to that fellow some, when you
come to sentence him. Stealing hensi Good
Lord! Pm naturally strong in the back, and
have now and then took Sheep but stealing
hens! That's too mean. Give him Aleck
JudPep
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

A ToUNG man in Lancaster sent 4 dollar to
firm in New York, who advertised receipt to
prevent bad dreams. He received q small slip of
paper, on which was printed, "DOn't go to
slepD.r
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

Two children were presented to West Troy
eiegynan as candidates for baptism. One, lit
Gle girl, was asked if she had been baptized be-
fore- i'Yes,D was the answer, land mine took,
but Charles didn't
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

HAS your sister got son or a daughteri"
asked an Irishman Of friend. "Upon my life,
was the reply, AZ don't know yet whether I'm
An uncle or an aunt
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

Hk said he was from Hartford, and the stran-
ger replied; "Ah! Well, Pm insured, SO it's no
use talking to me.r-Bost0H Post.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

WRITER in the Journal Of Science says that
the sanitary regulations Of Moses show q singn-
lar knowledge of disiufectants and prophylactic
principles.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

In your Ast-irsns are rough, rub then with
fine salt, and it VIII make them smooth.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17
A Story of q Highwaymen.

Not many years ago, an Irishman, whose finan-
ces did not keep pace with the demand made on
his pocket, and whose sc0rn of honest labor was
Immediately unfavorabls to their being legiti-
mstely filled, borrowed old pistol one day,
when poverty had driven him to extremity, and
took the highway, determined to rob the first
man he could most conveniently, who was like
ly to have a heavy purse.
A jolly old farmer came jogging along, ana
Pat put him down instantly as the party who
possessed those requisites he so much stood in
need of himself Presenting the pistol, he de-
manded of him TO "stand and deliver"
The poor fellow forked over some fifty dollars
but finding Pat somewhat of greenhorn, beg
ged five to take him back home, distance OF
about half mile, by the way. The request was
complied with, accompanied with the most pat
ronising air. Old acres and roOds was a know
ing one. Eyeing the pistol, he asked Pat If he
would sell il.
ais it to sell the pistol sowI, an it's that
same thing I'll do"
'T1l give You this five dollar bill for it,"
"Donei and done's enough, between two GIN
tlemen. Down with the dust, and here's the
tool for yer"
The bargain was made by immediate transfer.
The moment the farmer got the weapon, he or
dered Pat TO shell out, and pointing the pistol,
threatened TO blow his brains out, if he refused.
Pat looked at him with comieal leer, and
buttoning his brooches pockets, sung out:
"Bl0w away, old boy! ID take the bit of
powder that's in il"
We believe the old man never told the last
part of the story only once, and that was by the
purest accident. Pat moved off, and 'once
away, forever" has since been his motto.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17


for all thoze PairT:l CussPi s.nts and Weaknesses
soesIa5lSa TO o.lr sSsg female population.
twill eaiir,y the west form Of Feraale Com
plsirts al ovarzrtroEiier Inflammation and Uleera-
tioa Falling End DS. isceincnts and the consequent
Spinal Weakness, and Is particularly ADAPTED TO tho
Change % Life.
L VII dissolve and eJTei tnors from the uterus In
early stage of dSvco incrt Tao tendency to can
crUus EuoTsth-rcis checked veryspoeily By rs use
1t REMOVES faa.noss f..u.rnry, dest-uJson cravtng
for ytEuan:s. and rrve5 weakness Of the stomach
It crrs rioGt.as, Cen,aehos, Nervous Prostrrtion,
General I-,I.tN e.essnrs. Des-cssaon and Ind;-
gpstoa-
Tat feeling of BARN; down. causing pain. weight
anil baetache, Is always permanently cured by its use
ItwE Ct ell times and rnor ell circumstances act IN
harmony with the laws that rUvern the female system
For the cure Of E.ncy Complaints Of either sex this
Comp0uni is uis--Tess.d.
LYDIA z PINEIAlI's VEGETABLE CONs
PoCSEis prrg-=ed IT - and rs Western Avenue.
Lyl7 N1-4 Pr.es 81. SIX bo.tlcsfor O. Sent by mai
ia me form 0. pills also IN tie form Of losenges. On
recpt CT Taice, 81 per box for either Mrs. Pinkhsm
frecl 81 ist:ers OF inquiry. Send for pAmph
ls:. A,iiIss = aSSse. NsIitoH tkfs Rper.
NJ .aInily -hol.1 te without LYDIA Z PfSKHkN9
LIVER Pills Th-y eonssiIatior, hii,ounssR
sDi tory,i:.ty Of TIC liver. 3 cunts per box.
ST Sold by uli EfEgsists. 80
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17
Che fu,, Of the Ching.
L1MHURGEE
~ EUGESR UARE.

NJ ECgENR WARE.
On a tree there sat n crow,
In his bill n chunk Of cheese;
On the ground, a fox below.
Said: Some music, II yOa please
You are beautiful of wing.
And bet that you can sing.
Chcered by fiattery, the crow
Szng. and droppesi the cheese below
Then the cunning fox did freeze
To that fallen chunk Of cheese,
And he calmly lugged IL of,
And he se0ffod the song with sccH
MORAL
When they pat you on the back.
When they say that YOU'RE the one,
When they say they re On the track.
And have been obliged TO run:
When their compliments denote
They are going for your vote,
You can do just a. you please,
Bnt-you'd better watch yOur cheese
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-17

The following sad piece Of poetry found in the pock
ct book Of Mrs Flora Mcdonald after she had committed
suicide In Cincinnati, few years asol
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-09-03
STATE OF MINNESOTA, 4
O0TrIry on RAMRrY.
AMENDMENTS 10 CONSTITUTION.

THIS Il TO CERTIFY, THAT AT A SPECIAL
III meeting of the stockholders Of the corporation,
the @. N. Nielsen Lumber company, duly called and
held at the Office of said corporation, in the city Of
st. faul, Ramsey county, Minnesota the oath day
Of August, A. d 1881, the following amendments tc
the Articles Of incorporate Of ssid company were
duly adopted by majority vote In number and
amount Of the stockholders Of the said corporation
said vote being the unanimous vote of all Of the
stockholders Of said corporation.
First Amendment-Article three of said articles OF
incorporation was amended 60 rs to read follows
"(3) The authorized capital stock Of said CORPORA
ton shall be Two Million Dollars, and shall be paid
in In instslments or assessments, as the same shall
be called for by the board Of directors"
Second Amendment Article four Of said articles
Of incorporation was amended so as to read as fol-
lows: go The highest amount of liability or In
debtedness to which said corporation shall at any
time be subject shall not exceed onehsf Of the au-
thorized capital stock Of said corporation"
Third Amendment Article seven of said ar
ucle Of incorporation was amended 30 as to read as
follows: "(7) The capital stock Of said corporation
shall be divided into forty thousand shares Of Fifty
Dollars EACH which said shares may be issued at any
time after the first day of September. A D 1881,
subject to such conditions as to retiring the same
and as to participation In the profits and manage
ment OF the affairs If the corporation and to pri-
ory of interest in the assets and earnings Of said
CORPORATION as may be authorized and approved by
the board Of directors; aud said stock may be is-
sued as common or preferred stock as may be au-
thsrized by the board Of directors -
August "a, 1881.
p M. RANNEY, Secretary.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-09-03
Piles.

Piles are frequently preceded by sense OF
welghtin the back, loins, and lower part of
the abdomen, causing the patient to suppose
he has some affection of the kidneys or neigh
boring organs. At times symptoms of indi
gestion are present, as flatuiency, uneasiness
of the stomach, etc. A moisture like perspi-
ration, producing very disrgreeable itching,
particularly at night, after getting warm in
bed, is a very common attendant. Internal,
external and itching piles yield at once on the
application of DR.. Bosanko's Pile Remedy,
which acts directly upon the parts affected
absorbing the Tumors, allaying the inten St
itching and effecting a permanent cure
where all other remedies have failed. Do NO,
delay until the drain of the system produces
permanent disability, but try 1t and be cured
Price so cents. Ask your druggist for it, and
if you cannot obtain it of him, we will send il
prepaid, on receipt of price. Address The Bo
anko Medicine Co., Piqua, Ohio.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-09-03
MINNETONKA BREEZEs.

Mrs. Close OF LIE Mars, Ia, left for home
last evening.
1t is expected that regular trains over the
motor line will commence running to-day.
The Rev. Mr.. Hoy and family, who have
spent the summer at Excelsior, have returned
home.
Professors Huntress and Richardson still
hold the fort on Excelsior common, and say
they will stay until they freeze out.
w. E. Murray, who has flied the position
of head waiter at the Lake Park this seasoa,
has left for Detroit, where he Will fill SIM
liar post in one of the largest hotels of that
city.
The dedication of the Wayzata Congrega-
tional church will take place next Sunday af-
ternoon at o'clock. The Rev. Drs. Beatty
and W. M. Montgomery of Minneapolis, Rev.
DR.. Dana, st. Paul, Rev. Charles Sheldon, EX-
celsior, and Rev. j. F. Dudley, of Eau Claire,
Wis, will be present. Music by Plymouth
choir of st. Paul.
All Saints Sunday scho ii had the honor of
making the first round trip over the Motor
line Thursday, and barring few unavoidable
delays, had very jolly time. Col. McCrory
did everything in his power 10 make the trip
enjoyable, and on their return to the city the
excursiOnists drew up and Opiei the follow
ing resolutions:
WHEREAS, The members and friends of All
Saints parish have just returned from the first
round-trip excursion over The Motor line to
Excelsior; and
WHEREAS, 1t is unanimously voted that we
have had most enjoy. BILE OCCASION;
ReSOlocd, That We hereby recognize and re-
turn thanks for the curtesy by Col. McCrory
extended to the company during the entire
trip, aud also the geatlemanly poiiteness OF
Conductor Hoyt.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-09-03
PerHdU.

A. c. Easel accuses the so-called Dr. W. D
Thomas with seducing his (Fasel's) wife.
Thomas is a spiritualistic medium and prac
tices upon the trance plan. He claimed thai
she was quite i'll and needed his skilled medi
cal treatment. She thought SO too. Soor
she manifested an aversion to the filial love oil
her husband. Thomas advised him to leave her
He governed himself according to this advice
and left. This was 'peaches" for Thomas
but to his woe the absent suddenly returned
and found him in the loving embrace of the
woman. This is the story as told by Easel.
Judging from the reputation which has
been gained by the man Thomas, it does no
appear at all strange. 1t will be remembered
that an outraged father, at one time in tn,
winter of 1879, logged his steps to avenge
his daughter who, it was alleged, had beer
DESTROYED by the scoundrel "a