The Osceola times., 1881-01-22
WAYS OF THE WORLD.
A STANDARD article-the.


| worst.
JusT now the land containing the most
ire is Ireland
ANunpopular sparring exhibition. The
| contribution box.
Has any paragrapher remarked that
| burning retOrt was Il crematOry?
THE man who digs a hundred feet into
the ground for water gets long WELL
CoAL is so black that it is wonderful
| how a dealer can make Il ton SO light
FNDING himself unable 10 express his
| sentiments, the pent-up orator forwarded
them by mail.
ARE the monopolists Of Pennsylvania
iron pyrites? BaVaio Courier. Some of
them are oil pirates.
"AFrER election, what" asks an ex.
change. Probably ten million newspaper
| lies about the returns.
Ten thousand members Of Pennsyl.
vania's fierce militia are about to come
out in new benjamins,
THE new style of winter bonnet may
be photographed by slamming ripe
tomato against a board fence.
FLoE asks docs time hy?" Yes; and
! fly time has also flew, We know Just
| when the last fly flew, FlOe.
THERE are some $4,000 more females
than males in Philadelphia, and vet some
girls marry bow-legged men.
To MAKE an American joke, take two
thirds profanity, one-third humor and
mix with imbeciity and bad taste.
TINS is the season Of the year when
venerable hens enter their second child
hood and are broled for spring chick.
ems.
THE ox-team is, in many localities, the
bull-work of American industry. y.-.Stiem
Sunbeam. And the driver is the steers
man, amt he?
\ BALTIMORE clergyman recently
preached on the subiec': "Why was laz-
arus beggar?' We suppose because lac
didn't advertise
4 definition: "Bob, what's stcamg
Boiling water That's at'sright-compare
it, Positive boil, comparative boiler
superlative burst"
The Boston Journal of Commerce pub
fishes lot Of dycing recipes: but none
OF them beat the old way Of fooling with
an empty shotgun.
\ FASHION authority says the latest ca
price is TO have ones bedroom uphols-
terry to match ones dresses and china to
match the bedroom.
MADAM CAMrAN; OF all the gifts that
nature can give MS, the faculty of remain
ing silent, or Of answering apropos, is
perhaps the most useful.
ALrHorGH very early this season, it has
already been discovered that during the
present winter ice WILL as usual. freeze
with the slippery side up.
WILLIAM llENDRICKsoN of Long Branch
owns Il vicious dog which recently bit
Miss Sarah Jeffrey. The girls father has
commenced a suit to recover 5000 dam
ages.
If you were as willing to be as pleas
ant and as anxious To please in your own
home as you are in the company Of your
nelghbors, you would have the happicst
home in the world
u SMELL sumfn a-burning," remarked
an aged negro who sat at a camp-fre
toastlng his eXtremitics. Gossip he
added, moment later, with loud yell,
its dis nirgah's own fut"
BrLwER; Leave your place in theworld
Tor ten minutes, and when YOU come back
somebody else has taken il. but when
you leave the world for good who re-
members that you ever had a place even
in the parish register?
THE venerable parson stands ND in
church and decries the follies of this
world; but if he is bald-headed. it is gen
orally noticed that he scrapes the fringe
of his hair above his ears up over the
pald spot just as carefully as other men.
EXACTLY: 81 say, Glenn" cried two dis
putting darkies, appealing for dcsion to
a sable umpire, (which word is right
dizactly or dezactly?" The sable umpire
reflected moment, and then with look
OF wisdom, said, Il can't tell perzactly."
The Rev James IIartnett preached a
sermon at Davidvillc, Ark, on the duty
Of paying debts promptly. $50 much for
sentiment" he said finally. "and the hard
fact is that this church owes me $500 and
shall never occupy this pulpit again
until it is paid"
AN Auburnian named Barney pur-
chased two pounds of head cheese at n
market, and discovered, while eating it,
Il tooth, an eye and bristles of n HOG. be-
sides pieces of the hide and other mis-
cellaheous matter The maker said it
must have been the srrapings.
"Mabels waiting in the cleaning
For her lover young and fair.
Gently to herself iut0ning
words ofloye, and hope and prayer
lie is sitting by table
ON his face sits grim despair
Mabels lover has been going
Hains' three queens with two small pair