The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-03-20
FAOETIE.

The lecturer who had an audience of
three old maids and one man and his
wife, said he drew full house--three
of kind and pair.
A Norristown youth who was trying
to master bycicle when asked his age,
said he had seen fifteen summers and
about one hundred and fifteen falls.
when a man puts down bad UNI.
brella and takes a good one," saith
josh Billings. "he makes mistake;
but when he puts down good one and
takes up bad one he makes blunder."
A gentleman the other evening OBJ
jected to playing cards with lady,
because, he said, she had such q win
ming way about her.
The time has arrived when an invi-
tation to a wedding is equivalent TO
lending the groom ten dollars and feel
ing thankful that he didn't ask for
more.
There is just rs much vindictiveness
wrapped up in the 80 shucksv' of q
woman as there is in the well-develop-
ed and complicated anathema of a
Texas cowboy,
Take back the love thou gav'st
me, she sang. 1t was love of a bon
net, but didn't match her complexion,
and she wanted him to exchange it for
one that did.
Pater familias: 'Well Jennie, if
you must marry this winter, suppose
you must. Take either of them Jennie
the plumber or the coal dealer; both
are good men"
The principal of young ladies'
seminary in Syracuse has so exhaust
ingly inflicted her pupils with "deport-
ment" that, when left alone, her girls
of l6 act like sixty.
"Do you favor my suit?n said Claude
to Angelina, the other day. EYES,"
was the crushing reply, II look with
more favor on the new clothes than do
on their owner"
An exchange tells of young lady
who, sixmonths after happy marriage,
on being ask if she was much troubled
with cold feet, simpered hesitatingly
and with ingenious simplicity replied:
"Ye-yes; but-but they're not my own"
"A seal-skin sack, heyr' said Gar
dine to his oldest daughter, Look at
yer first mother. She wasn't alters
askin' for seal-skin sacks. No, sir,
fig leaf satisfied her, and we learn that
when she went to church the lilies of
value went rugged up AXE her."
Young Lady (to her old uncle): ooh,
uncle, what a shocking thing! A young
girl was made crazy by a sudden kiss!'
old Uncle What did the fool 90
crazy forPn-Young Lady: "What did
she 20 crazy forP Why, for more, 1
suppose"
A well known euchre-player named
Down married Miss Trump, which,
according to the rules Of the matrimon-
ial game, turned the Trump Down.
She then made it clubs and stove
pokers, and he has never been able to
hold any hands since. We pass.
Land of the free "You boast that
your country is the land of liberty"
said a young English nobleman, who
had married an American lady, to q
Yankee traveller at London chop
house. "You call it the 'ome of free
dom and all that, but it's a beastly fact
that | never lost my independence till
went there.
mo, no." said the manager, shell
never make star, though she is pretty
and talented. Why, she hasn't got
mad and refused to play since I've en-
ployed her. She won't fight her hus-
band, and when | advised her to thrash
an editor she seemed shocked. There's
not the making of Bernhard, or an
Oates even, in herr
Deacon Julius,C. SNOWFALL, who takes
religious paper, asked Rev. Aminidab
Bledso the other day, What is de mean
in OBJ de terms pan-Episcopals and pam
Presbyterians? Why de debbel haint
we got no cullcd pan-Baptissesp" Look
heah, niggah, it pains me to see you
'splay SIGH ignorance. Don't yer know
dat de pan-piscopals, -Mefodists,
pan.Baptisses, is dem what pans out do
mos when de hats bein' passed."