Richland beacon., 1881-05-21

THE song Of the billiard ban. 30,
raron. me back.
THr pantry cook sings good pie,
sweet tart. good pi".
THE play of Uncle Toms Cabin is Ill
on account Of Eliza. Stowe tins away.
Il SPLENDID ear. hui poor voice.
aN thc orean grinder said "f the donkey.
How shall We reach the boys? W.
Llc,uj"r,. Talk" "a lIt'lr longer shiuS'c.
Mss BE>u,o<e latest work should il,
dedicated to Eh rcrhin, H. title j..
Just as Nm, or \ living Lie.
Ip"ky,rr Itirn.
TuroroEr MoGr had married ci:ht
different women. SowhcucNcr hc joined
Il party of Villagers IN frnlIc they wei
r"mcd him with. "rLc More. the mar
rcr Hrui, .Tt,tiH;L
LETTER from his we'll beloved to a
y"ung gUmmy: "Finallv. my own',t
own. understand that love you more
for your defects than yuur moral qualities.
and thus ludgc Of the houndlc,aur,, ii
my love fur Nou,
"Do you think. asked a college stu
dent "i "A professor "f Theology. "itat
the lion and the lamb have never yct
| laid down t"%cthcr: Il don't know.
answered the professor. but II they
have. ] have no doubt tina, the lamb Wa
.mlosing from that date
\ PASSENGER in getting off Of n South
| End horse ear handed the conductor
three cents Double that amount was
demanded. IL shant give you any
morc,' replied the passenger. for [
have only ridden half as far as | in
tended - BoNfoH CO,p'j'r.
SHr laid her cheek on the easy chair
! back against his head and murmurcl.
How ,lu love To rest thus against your
dear head. AuSIStus' 'Do yoU?' said
| he: ''is it because vOu love me, darling
NO; because II is So nice and soft
Then he lay and lay and Thought and
thought.
\ WOMAN will work q month to iahri-
cate protection for a char. and then
when it is in place an cdict is promptly
issued forhidling any man sitting on
| that chair. through fear of Ni,oiling the
tidy. 1t is the best chair protector that
possibly could he desired -RochcSfcr
! Cpufi'T.
Az orator at Il St Patrck's Day con-
vocation WIS heard To divc,t himself of
! the following: "An fhcrc wud OirclanI
he the day, cf the fcythcr cv st. Patrick
| had tuk il in his hid to shtay a bachelor?
! Iaa t',.. same taken she'd niyer becc
slrakin Erin 60 brag. for divIl thing
wul there be to brag about. - lUnkcrS
| Gd-.H,.
\ THorGHrFrL mother chriStencd her
boy Ray" with the impression that it
would br difficult one for his compan-
IONS to- nickname The first time the lad
returned home from school he Informed
his gentle parent that the boys called
linn "Snootsy." and the stunned woman
couldn't imagine how Ray could be
corrupted into such bcastly appclla-
| tion.
| A PARTY of Chicago young ladies' and
| gentlemen were sailing on the lake. \
, heavy sluall came on and capsizcd the
boat, but before She carccned one of the
Young men, with great presence of mind,
cried ont: Throw Yourselves overheard,
girls quick" The suggestion was only
partly olrvcd. All those who managed
to lay hold of a shoe crawlcd into il and
were saved. The rest We're lost. G|yb'-
D.l3pcr0f
Two country spinstcrs were stopping
at friends house i'll Boston. after their
return from scientific lecture. They
occupied the same apartment, and short
lv after midnight one of them started
Tp. and awakening the other. exclaimed
III great trcpidati"il: ''BctScy. ! believe
there is a man under the bed" Bctscy
merely raised her finger in an adnoni-
tory way, and replied: Don't make 4
noise then, Jane, you may scare him
away"