Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1881-11-19
VIRGINIA. FREE PRESS--THE
a'irqlnia free gress.
RUSSErs

One Of Dctroit's tough citizens uses nj
tro-glveerine 70 invoke sncaze.
Hindeasts Of tn, weather are not made
until next day.
No room was ever made large enough to
hold both a clt man ana mosquito.
THE man bound to be hanged is travel
inc out of the world at break-neck pace.
Charles j. Guiteau.
A mean man down in Kentucky had
girl arrested for appropriaJing the tail ieath-
crs Of his red rooster to trim her hat.
When a woman leaves piece Of soap on
the stairs wherchcr husband will tread upon
ii. itisa dead-sure sign of a storm.
Baseball ciubsh have their uses. some Of
them bring forward colleges that otherwise
would not be heard Of
When You lose a needle on the Goor the
quickest way to find it is to take OF, your
Shoes and walk about. But somehow Peo-
pie don't DO that way.
There are physicians with their signs
swinging IDLY in the wind, who know a great
deal more about theory, than they do about
practice.
Ralph. who was just seven, ran to his
mother ex claiming. Mamma, Eva Mccall
saws are instead of is She doesn't
know much bout 'rithmetic does she?'
When the youngest boy in the family
comes home three hours after school hours,
with his hair vet and his shirt wrong side
out, look out for a spanking breeze.
When the spring millinery openings are
advertised look for bright sunny weather
an around the house, with trcachcrous
calms and rising barometer, indicative of
sudden tempcs, and mean temperature.
Upon a dark green satin chair seat sun
flowers are sometimes painted And some
times fellow sits down ON them before
they are dry and that is called the reProJu-
cling process.
Under certain circumstances men change
even their physical natures ius.antaneously.
Go up To- thetallest man in the community
ask him ia "a sweet. nccromantic voice 20
lend YOU s., and You win suddenly find
him very short, indeed.
I kucw man worthy of praise
Whom nm love Coz the eEd of ny daisc.
Ills name 8, wls Seth,
Ara with DIS la~t bye,b.
TIE r;i.culcj fraudulent lIai-c.
Not every man can ten from experience
how # feels .o Doe struck by lighting, bu, lie
can get some idea OF it by going suddenly
around q corner and meeting bis mother-in-
law while he is walking with pretty girl.
When man gets up in the night and
feels along the cop pantry shelf i'm the dark
and knocks the big square bottle without
any label down TO the floor and breaks it, it
IS sign there Is going to De dry spell un-
Ill z OF O'Clock in tLc morning.
4 Keokus man succeeded in hugging his
sweetheart to death But he has no trouble
in finding others. The girls seem rather
anxious to take their chances on his hug
ging them to death. They don't believe he
can DO it: would just like TO see him try it,
Itwas probably am Irish missionary who,
when about TO be ma-tcated by the canni-
bais, originated tha, beautiful song:
My father wa, lri>h
Ny mo,hcr was Iri>h
AriIm Irish stew.
a -, Louis clergyman has made the dis
covcry that when lie made man God never
contemplated "a reporter" chat " the con-
ditious through which man must pass to
meet the demands of the nine,ccnth-cenury
journalism were no, considered at the time
of u,aiou.
A commercial traveller from Boston hav-
ius had a run ON hard luck in prosecuting
business ON the road. received from his firm
the following eXhiarating dispatch: d" IT
YOU can't make expenses, come home at
once" To which he sent the following IT.
Ply; " An right; can make plenty of ex-
pcnses, ba, no sales
When q corpu,cut citizen endeavors Co
jump oft the dummy of one of our cable
roads while ON the down grade and falls on
the track in the front of the wheels nothing
give, him So much genuine satisfaction as
just when be- s, a5ou, to be crushed 20 pulp
to wake up and find himself ON the fool
beside his oVn bed.
To,c tlc head oi the family feeling IN