The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1881-06-16
JOB DEPARTMENT.
Having New Job Type
AND
A FAST JOB PRESS
We are prepared to do anything In this line with
NEATNESS,
AND ON THE SHORTEST NOTICE.
Correspondence.
Correspondence solicited from all parts Of this
county, On all matter pertaining to local news
All communications must be accompanied by the
writer's name, not ne cassarly for publication but
as guarantee Of good faith
IN A NUTSHELL,

Indigestion has comically been dein-
ed as "the ingratitude of the stom-
ach."
The best kind of sidewalk. Walking
by the side of q lovely girl-PhiladeE
phia Sun.
True, true; what our country needs
is is more navy to back er.-C Ctmbridqs
Tribune.
"Go to the ant, thou slluggard," don't
seem to be needed in any way by the
sluggard, who generally goe to his uncle.
A chivalrous exchange thinks when
man marries a widow he should give
up smoking "She gives up her weeds %
he should be equally polite. .s.a -.
"Jack, what relation to YOU is that
Old gentleman | saw you with this
moming?' ooh, not much; he's mar
ried to my grandparents only daughter
The first religious body to formally
adopt the revised New Testament was
the Congregational Association of Mari
borO Mass, but the vote was afterward
reconsidered. ...7-. ...a.-
An exchange asks: "How large is
our American navy?' About sin e
inches long, and three-eighths of an
inch thick. It's regular plug of a
nayy,-Keokak Coastitutson. 10
AS regards this matter of pensions to
Government clerks, it seems to us that
after aman has been writing for thirty
or forty'years it's natural that he should
be pensnunner.-1oronto Globe.
A man undertook the other day to
ma ke a jury believe he was deaf but
chap hired by the opposing counsel
softly whispered, "Let's 20 out and
drink" and the fellow heard him the
first ime.-Boston Post.
Some Texas farmers will try the ex-
pertinent Of importing the Lubbock
beetles from Russia These beetles are
very ferocious and live on grasshoppers,
locusts, cotton worms and every insect
that destroys crops. Boston Post.
An Illinois physician prescribed rest
and quiet for an i'll merchant, whereup-
on the afflicted man ordered the pap
ers to discontinue his advertisements.
This brought him the needed repose.-
Modern Argo. 'r
A rumOr com es from Paris that bon
nets are to he worn on the head here
after. 1t strikes us the head would be
agood place on which to wear bon
net, but such departure will lcok a
little odd at first.
A New Hampshire man got up to
light lamp and fell dead. Our readers
will bear witness that we have always
pointed out that this getting up at nig ght
is q mans wife's business. Behold the
terrible justification of our course.
Quiet benifcial: Morse who invented
the telegraph, and Bell the inventor of
the telephone, both had deafmute
wives. Little comment is necessary
but just see what man can accomplish
when everything is quiet.-LoaceA
| (Mass.) Citizen " "a
A beautiful thought appreciated. An
excited old maid in temperance lodge
a few evenings since read an original
poem entitled, ''The lips that touch
liquor shall never touch mine" and the
young men present gave her three
cheers.-New York Star.
! With pleading eyes she looked up
from the piano and sang, "Call me
your darling again" But ne refused
as there were witnesses around and
there is no telling when man will be
introduced to breach of promise suit
these days. b
The attempted elopement of two
babies has just been frustrated at Gin
cinnati. George Rose and Fanny
Thauer, aged IA and 13 respectively,
ran away from Coultersville, Pa. and
were caught in the former city. They
had pluckily set about to get work, in
which the girl had succeeded.
"Why Pm so glad you've come Did
you know that I've been worrying
about you, John, all the evening""
That's just what | married you for.
1t is pleasant to think that there il
some one at home worrying about YOU"
Somehow this view Of the matter didn't
exactly coincide with her ideas of mar
ital amenities
Lessing, the German philosopher,
being absent-minded, knocked at his
own door one evening, when the SER
want, looking out of the window, and
not recognizing him, said "The pro-
fessor is not at home" "Oh, very
WELL" said Lassing, composedly. walk
ing away, 'I'll call another time
When handsome Jack was cautiously
going up behind pretty Miss Dashie to
to steal kiss which she wouldn't have
granted for any amount Of pleading,
her little brother, who had happned to
look in the door behind Jack, yelled to
look out, and so she was able to avoid
letting Jack kiss her. And somehow
she boxed her brothers ears when they
were alone together.
Scientific: 'Dovey," he said, Il think
/ was telling you after l came home
last night about the necessity of some
retrenchment in our expenditures, was
/ not?" "Well, really, Tve forgotten,
John,p she answered, nonchalently;
"turn on the phonograph and see"
He turned it on and all it said was:
"Whazzer mazzer--(hic)--mazzer