Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-12-09
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81 would like to know very much.' re-
marked M SIS Schomburg to Gllhooly IF
my brudder Sam vas an honest man
ssI'll tell you how to find sut if he is
honest or not,'' responded Gi]hooly
Next time you go off on the train take
him along to tie depot. and just before he
train leaves give him $40 oil ard tell him
to change it. II he cones back with the
change then he is honest
but ven he cont come pack ?"
ss1'hen you lose your S10''
s.Shimminy erasmus It'd you suppose
or moment. Mishter Gilhooly, dot
wash completely Gated up NIT curioshity?"
Juvenne chorus "why. mamma, how
unny the milk tastes this morning
Mamma: well, my dears, owing to the
scarcity of water the milkman had t, give
it to Us in its natural state. Try and drink
it so until the weather changes, like god
children"
The Detroit Free Press" states that
Rev. Ahijah Green, of New York State.
preached sermon on Fools" and hen
blew out his gas at the hotel ard vent to
bed to be srffocated. We are glad to HI ar
of man who practices what he breaches.
Shocks went home the other nieh af-
ficted with double vision. He sal fer
some time Ni4h his sleepy gaz rivited on
Mrs. Snooks. and then complacently re-
marked: ''W ell. l declare. # you swo don't
look 'nough alike TO be Jwins.''
''Why were you not at church last Sun
day, Clara?' asked Amelia. Clara--"I
couldn't; didn't have anything to wear. |
shall go next Sunday if my sack is d. e.
Amelia-"O you sack-lellgious thing T.
Ordinarily we know from what country
people come, by the language they use:
but, in the case of the swearpr, it is Of fer
ent. He uses the language of the country
to which he is going.''
What can do for yon to induce you ia
! go to bed now? asked q LOWELL mamma Of
her 6ve-year cid boy Monday evening
"You can let me sit upa while longer was
the youngsters response.
The remark of an exchange that manv
of our successful Law ve's hegan life as
preachers is gracefully Corrected y enc
of the legal gentlemen referred 20, who
begs leave to state that he began life as an
infant.
Now, Sammy. have you read the story
Of Joseph?' 'Oh, YES uncle" Well.
then, what wrong did trey do when the,
sold their bro her?'' ''They sold m too
cheap"
The new name for it is ''smiling room. -
Where have YOU been this fvening, dear
sat the smiling room. love y Sounds nice
and innocent like, with sugar.
Drinking beer may quench thirst. but il
will not refresh the memory York
Neus. That delicate matter is one of thr
unpleasant duties of the bartender.
Old Deacon Dnhson ALWAYS hnasted that
he was always s.prepared for the worst, ,
and his neighbnrs thought he got it when
he married lis second wife.
A clearinghouse keeper, like the rest
of US, has her weak and strong points-the
weak point being her tea and the strong
point the butter.
81 can never marry man," she had said
70 1or JoY. do bo oh Of ho
sight of a candv-store like country horse
at fre-engine.''
The small boys idea Of genuine comfort
and happiness is to be pi' ched, into a
pond of ice cream whose shores are made
of sponge cake.
A Western paper tells thrilling story
of girl who was frightened into fatal
spasns by the sound of her own voice
echning in a lonely glen.
ssShe stoops to conquer" Can this re-
fer tn the fond mother who bends over her
wayward boy with number five slipper?
We should think scarf pi1s world get
sea-siek. Theyare SC often on the bosoms
of such heavy swells.
The billiard PLAYER is not an, imitator.
He takes the cue from no man. He takes
1t from the rack.
Why cannot pantcmimist tickle nine
auditors at once Berause be must ges-
3lcuiate Gust tickle eight.
Chinese BARRIERS save without iafher
sIS;.ic rar,ainGs us thai orr s hn ln,a sts