Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-10-05
SPICE AND AILSPICE.
FRIENDS indeeds-LawyeEs.
4 TRAINING ship-Courtship.

From the prices that some physicians
charge one can readily imagine that high
heels are fashionable.
THREE degrees of comparison-FIp-
per, fapper, topper; Whitaker, Whit
takaire, Whitaker
GILL feed my boarders on the fat of
the land" observed Mrs. Stuffem, as
she receipted for a tub of oleomarga-
rine.
"WHY don't you have some stile
about you?" SAID the man who had
looked along mile of barbed fence for
an entrance.
A MERRY young man: 81 understand
that your courtship with Charley is at an
end" eyes" said she; s'Charley
pressed his suit until it was thread
bare, so I gave him the sack.-N. II.
Register.
"WELL, Mary, how do you like your
new home in Vermont ?" "Well. mum,
we all like it but father, and the air is
too embracing for him, but under the
canister of heaven I thinE there isn't
more beautifuller place. . Win Wurtte.
4 QUITE Too utterly Three-Sided At
fair-They were walking by the seaside,
and he sighed and she sighed, and she
was by his side, and he was by her,
and they were both beside themselves,
beside being at the seaside, where she
3 sighed and he sighed
An old lady was in the habit of talk
ing to Jerrold in gloomy, depressing
manner, presenting TO him only the sad
side Of life Hang il, . said Jerrold,
one day, after a long and sombre inter-
Oh Ina oil
bright side to the moon"
SCHOOL patron: .' Well, Mr.. Syntax,
you have very fair school here p Mr..
Syntax: eyes, sir; the school is well
enough, but the curriculum is defective. -
Patron: What, the curriculum defec-
tive? We must see the architect at
once about It, and have it raised few
feet higher"
GENTLEMEN of the jury" said an
Irish lawyer, sit viii be for you to say
whether the defendant shall be allowed
TO come into court with unblushing foot
steps, with a cloak Of hypocrisy in his
mouth, and draw three bullocks out of
my clients pocket with impunity."
An old gentleman finding couple of
his neices fencing with broomstichs, said:
"Come, come, my dears, that kind of
accomplishment viii not aid you in get
ting husbands" g I know it, uncle, -
responded one of the girls, as she gave a
lunge, " but it will help to keep our hus-
hands in order when we get EN-
Two geese with one stone: Two young
swells were making fun of good coun-
try curate The able, after standing it
pretty well for a while, said: "Allow
me to say, gentlemen, that I am not
precisely fop nor altogether a fool,
but betwixt the two" The young men
departed. -French Fool5sh,aess.
II primary school, not very long
ago, the teacher undertook to convey to
her pupils an idea OF the use of the
use of the hyphen. She wrote on the
blackboard g bird 's-nest," and, pointing
to the hyphen, asked the school, "What
is that for ?" After a short pause a
young son of the Emerald isle piped
out: "Plaze, ma'am, for the bird to
roosht on!"
PRACTICE makes perfect: It was at a
railway station. The trains were being
made up. Puff went the locomotives,
whirr went the wheels, and the whistling
was terrific. There was backing and
forwarding, and all manner of shunting
deuce are they doing ?" "Practicing
for a railway accident. "-P0risia1a
Pleasantly.
I'm not very proud of your progress
III school, remarked q New Haven
mother to her son, who was struggling
along in grade five. "There's Charley
Stuart away ahead of you, and he isn't
as old. :" [ know 1t. Teacher said he
learned all there was to learn in my
room, and that left me without anything
to learn The boy will keep without
ice.
''WELL, sir, [ suppose you'll go back
to school rested by your holiday" said a
New Haven father to his "chubbiest -
boy. eyes, sir, replied the boy, with
Frightened expression, "and I'm 60
ing to ring the bell" els that so? I
thought Sammy Goodboy rang the bell. :"
"Wen, he used to; but I'm ringing it
in his place now, don't you see ?" ''And
what does Sammy do?'' ''Sammy
Why, he's nothing but a scholar p
"D1y son" said a fond New Haven
mother to her oldest son, who had just
attained to cigarette size, g
fear you are not making the most of
your manhood, of your selfhood, my
dear. [ do SO want you to become a
man of great hearthood. Oh, James,
for my sake, do exercise a little con-
sciencehood." "Just so, mother.
You're quite right. How long before
supper is ready? My stomach needs a
brace, and the bastard smiled because
his mother was shocked at such iippancy.
--NeW HaUe,a Register.
DIR. HAMMOND says tnat when you
poke your finger in your ear the roaring
noise you hear Is caused By the circula-