Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-04-16
WIT AND WISDOM.


POLICEMEN wives call their husbands
Chubby"
AN EXCHANGE speaks of &" a proud old
sheep" A wether vane probably.
The early bird catches the worm; so
the early advertiser catches the spring
trade.
A YOUNG married man whose house is
paid by his mother-in-law alludes to her
as his darling pay-rent.
LIKE lightning rods sweet girls should be
Cool, pointed, straight exacting
Drawing the sparks-yet not too free.
Nor harmed by their attracting.
An EXCHANGE publishes an article
headed Glow to tell mad dog" We
have nothing to tell mad dog that We
cannot communicate by telephone or
postal card.
Az ETHEREAL maiden called Maud
Was suspected of being fraud;
Scarcely a crumb was she able
To eat at the table.
But out in the pantry-Ohl Lawd.
THERE came to our cabin one morn
ing i'll spring, sweet little robin. He
came to sing, but the cat was attentive,
and watched from afar till the robin, all
needless, was killed like Czar.
A CAPTAIN III a Mexican regiment
killed himself so that his first lieuten-
ant could be promoted, and yet we refer
to Mexicans as "greasers, and raise
row when they steal few cattle.
4 STRANGER in st. Louis, thinking
he recognized his coat on the back Of Il
pedestrian, shouted, ''Stop thiefr' and
about thirty of the inhabitants sudden
ly disappeared down a side street.
A TEXAS Judge who had two tramps
before him said to them: "Now,
one of you make tracks for the border
ana the other try to catch him." They
caught at the idea and put in their best
licks.
A FRENCH chemist can take sugar,
flour and other substances and make Il
nicer egg than any hen ever left in
nest, and nov the only excuse for keep
ing fowls is that they may annoy the
people next door.
FROM morning till night
The boys take delight
In trying each other to beat:
With ''dubs and ''fen picks"
And "eves " and "kicks.'
They knuckle for keeps on the street.
ADVICE to a doll: "Oh, dear I" ex-
claimed Edith to her doll, "I do wish
you would sit still. L never saw such
an uneasy thing in all my life. Why
don't you act like grown folks and be
still and stupid for awhile %
The Servants Materfamilias (lind-
ing the new nurse deep in a sensation
novel; Surely, nurse, You can't nurse
baby and read at the same time =
Nurse ooh, Lor', yes, IN. She doesn't
disturb my reading bit, m y
THEY say Blaine is doing the work of
six men in his office, and is breaking
down under it. He found some of
Evarts' old sentences in the back room
and has been saving them up into con-
veniont lengths to throw out of the
window.
OLD GRUMBLEToN is rapidly becoming
confirmed pessimist. The other day
he remarked, with sigh, Every day
now brings us nearer next winter.
He ought to be sent to some land of
perpetual snow where he could not take
time by the forelock.
DISTRESSING accident: A man went
into house last night and picked up
gun. OF course he didn't know it
was loaded. 1t went off. So did the
man. And the man who owns, or,
rather, who owned the gun, would give
$50 to know where they went.
A JERsEYMAN, whose wife keeps a
boarding house in order to support him,
complained because she gave the board
ers spring chicken. "Weil," she said,
"that chicken has laid eggs for us for
years, and l never turn anything out to
die of old age. 1t is betterto kill it and
end its sufferings.
"DEAR sir, is once a week too often
to call on a young lady when you arc
not engaged to her ?'' This is the
touching question addressed to the
Philadelphia Times by young con-
trlbutor-and the Times is compelled
to confess that it don't know. Calling
oftener would probably soon lead to an
engagement, and thus solve the riddle.
A COUPLE of young men went out
fishing the other day, and on returning
were going past farm house and felt
hungry. They yelled to the farmers
daughters: ''Girls, have you any butter
milk?" The reply was gently waited
back to their ears: Yes, but we keep
it for our own calves" The boys
calculated that they had business away
and they went.
1T is said that mans voice reveals
his character. When, for instance, you
ask him for contribution for the
church, and he tells you that he has
Just bought a fast horse and hasn't a
penny to spare, you know by his voice
that he is one of the benevolent citizens
of great republic and that he won't
see himself suffer for anything which
either money or credit can purchase.
THERE has been great deal of bad
feeling between two Galveston families,
hence there was much surprise when
they intermarried. A friend, in speak
ing to the father of the bride, asked if
the families had made friends. Not a
bit of it. / hate every bone III my sou
in-law's body" "Why did you let him
marry your daughter, then?' "To
get even with him. ] guess you don't
know that girls mother as well as 1
do"
"wHAr is cold ?" asks Chambers
Journal. Well, sir, sEpposing ycu
begin by sneezing so hard you nearly
break your neck and bite your tongue
terribly. Then your nose gets stuffed
up and you need about fourteen hand
kerchiefs day and the end OF your
noaa GETS too watery and Won begin to