davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1881-09-12

hptetdt UAbutth to Ihs Ch4taao Tribune.
Lt,Su I.l'ASclr. y. H.. Sept. ii.-Tllure was
st'llh. apprehension that the s,afm of ,es:et-
'lay might give ttu President trouble, but 1t
'ittf nut. "t'or ttIe sake Ut TIE parc(letl aud
dried up country" saltl II Jersey further. II
hDpc this storm will last Il week. We need
II; but If i.'s xninE IL make hairs weight
vi difference for President Garfield, would
Rfye my iurM to SEQ IL stop raining this nttn-
utg:"
The cottage In which lle tlwnIls WAS COLI
strncted with the view Ut arrcstinx a!l
'tAsntl,ess. 1'lle walls nre iE1c,t With cork,
bnt that does mol shut out tho damp air. 4
tire Is kept burning III tho open fireplace 10
warm tho air mud cnllse free ventilation.
THE PATIENTS LUNGS,
Ill their weak condition, l,ayc been percepti-
bly, irritated By tic rtlahko Of climate.
! Whether II Is nr not n,etaxtatic colttiitiou,
1t bocolht.s II serious Question whether the
'lnmp n'r of this locality II after NIL tho
proper atmospheric coll.titlun for the patient.
Tile rnrotitl gland is reported III liealug, a,l1
s1ippnrat0n beconlny less tay by day, THE
w0n,itt again shows sis,s Of gru,unt!nil. and
Is hcco:n,ng Il Mew cliannel for nil accun,ula-
tion oi disorder In thu blou.. II has been Oh.
served by SURGEONS that Il dry atmosphere ~
most conducive t0 Il rupEd healing of gum
s(!0t wounds. nnd
THE MOISTURE 1tEnE
l,ny be n callsc Of irritation ain,E the track
uf the stnus. Tic lack Ut vitality in tie rlr-
cn!atory system still occslsEDI,s ut night dis.
tHrbed condition 0f the brain, followed BY
strange halluc1nations. which nre not n0tice.
ablc tanrlng his walefnl ltDstrs.
Tliis evening DR.. l)ltsa reluctantly num1ted
tllat tile President was not ST. welt as yester.
,tna nr1t1 tnf hfs
, 1881-09-12
THE PRESIDENT,
He Is acknowledgement in
a Very Critical Con-
dition.
An Abscess Illus Been Discoy-
cred In the Right
Lang.
The Physicians Practically Adj.
nit that Such a Gather
ing Hts Formed.
They Say 1t Is Not Necessa-
rily Fatal, but Very
Dangerous.
During the Day the Fever Was
Ut l%o Most Of thu
<oS Time.
Secretary BIaine's Dispatct, Of an Ex.
tremely Gloomy Tenor, and Any
thing but Reassurfng.
Last Evenings Figures: Pulse
ITO, Temperature 1906,
Respiration 70.
sergt. Mason, While Relieving tie Guard
ut the District JAIL Shoots at
Guiteau.
Last Evenings Figures: Pulse
ITO, Temperature 1906,
Respiration 20.
sergt. Mason, While Relieving tie Guard
ut the District JAIL Shoots at
Guiteau.

*pA"f @+sff@Ett1 10 Ihf tEftHMs ! -}|fsR--4
I.oSts BRANCH, y. j., Sept. l3-l:::a> n. N.
ALL Is Iow uulet Mt Elbernn Gnttage. The
attendants report that tho President Is sleep
1flE AMI say t'at his to1iptril...W Is considers
ably retlucGtl. nth that his condition Seems
morc favorable. The I've this evening has
been ranging from llO to us, but tliey have
uni bcen ab!e to taks the respiration. az they
did Hut wish to disturb Ills sttrp. Dr. Pun.
ce'nst, the eminent s,,rgrun Ut Philadelphia
wlhaIl 1t wns proposed to call III consultation
II lierr. anil snil tonight lint tl,ls latrst
developments. painted uilmista!;nl}iy 10 II
py.rsnc comlltlou af tAu hlnotl. II IL II
n,etnsiatfc abscrss n,ul brings on nnother
crisis nj The 1Most dangerous character. Its
not necessarily fatal symptom, hut is OF
course II ,'nw element 0f grent ttnrser. 1t
will Interfere with his brcMlIlng, will l,c II
1tew source Of l"cal pa!t, Will ca,,sr fever,
and will ,lccesS1tate !;
ADDITIONAL. OPERATIONS.
The pllA ciln hc drawn or frnui 1le lungs md
csearett 0nt thoroughly by washing through
an !lc!sion which will lin,c to.l,e ,I.adc. All
thIs, ri c.1'rse, lny.'i,H now suffering
aEt exhaustion. und eyen then therp
II no certainty of. CLEARING tlsc sy3-
ten. Tho ,rouE1e Is IN the
py'r,nic condition OF Tile blooll. vi which
these siccess've nhcrsses ar, merely syulp.
TONS. II WIS To Ect pMru, nnlsrisiifhg uIr. 50
MS to nsslst Nnturu iii throwing ntF this
poiso', that Tic patient wis brought 10 tho
scal'oarlE, The air In ih1s lsumijiy js very
favorable fur UttH in l,ls condition, nXcept
that tlloEa Is ss'sne risk trtnl thu. 1unIsllrc,
u''t this wis nut enuu2l, 10 Justify thenl III
remaining: away OH tllat acealut. Tile l}nc-
tDr further s,ftt that, willo 1le dill Int regnrl
, 1881-09-12

NTF 1T .fI4T. fFfsASSC1HNI.
1.oNG BRANCH, y. J., Sept. ii.-Secretary
I'|atta sent tic folinwfne 1T huifpast 10:
Tho President bud nu iHclpnso ur fever last
night, and was vpry restless until s u. III. Dur
tnx tho dny llr lns BEEN somewhat better. bllt
h1s puisc. temperature, uni rssplrnt.nn havo
bean higher fHr ti'a fl.tlso twsnty-fnHr Anmrt
than IN my prectnlinx t1ny snco hn reached
Lunx 11runeh. IlIH othor symptoms nre nnt re-.
nstlrlnx. md 11ls general condition vivcs rise TO
anxiety, blaine, SccretAry.
, 1881-09-12
u. ". UI.ISS,
D.ft.ArES 4tNSEW.


EIMEi,oS, y. H., Sept. ll-N y, m.-'fhe
President lus passeh II quiet slay. although
tbs Temperature l.ls besI Sonl.wl,at higher
alul Ills pulss mora frequent thai during the
PREVIOUS twcllty.four l,0,rs. AT the eveH.hg
dressing quito |nrsa slough nj connective
tissue was removed tTtA,l tic rtg1otl ot the pur*
0tItl. &Inctttnnrs tn takaa snttirfrllt quantity
or ltnurlsInlen.. antlenjoysIi. AZ lle liou'i tx
n,nIIAtun thu Temperature wst< no. p'llsa llU,
respiration 10. At lilo uyultME dressing hl&
temperature wits ltWU. rrlsn ll0, resplrat'uc
~. u. ". Hiss,
u. HAYES AuSEW.
, 1881-09-12

ttr htrt Ftlt mi IL nttt,tr tim nj nit ,..ns
r,nl nm, n stna.lv fnv ,,u,i ];f.nI tna rr's,.
,lcu. hn,l :, Ind t,,uht l,st ,,it.t In lin la,.
uuuuc Of ti,a bult,in. hc ,x,'. m,or. rcsttasu
tl,ua tI,p precctlinr ,iel,t md thc t1nctnrs
tut,f rs yrsfcrt,nv lint ttIe nrocr,iinc ,Iyi,,
was ore If cytremo rrst,psnes4 nm,1 vrrnt
fry,.r. md lint hc lid mt 5n,l ns1cr, nn,tt,.
a. IN. 'rhnt wo. Inn ,,t1ht win,
r,,,. f,,1+r,.r~rt.,t nr r,,,. ,,t.t.,..,
ond lime M iis rcc,,rrrnc, ,x..., o,,",no1
Ynt lnst ut.,,t ,xns ,..n,s,, ,,'.,, ill.,. ,,,snt
ont ,nf,v ;a. h,o,, IT,. ,,,ru, .. .'"t atn "s.' M
nr.,,o1 ~ ',,,,- ,,.n,.'i, ,, ' ,.,....', ~
tim Assncto,u; 1,ros" ,"na a",i,r,n,,.t. T,."u ~.
,is,ti e,,1 ,ss,,o,t ,,,i,o,i,' s,,'.;', .,'at ~,
n,,isa .x o,.M,t a. an, tt,., a, .o
,,a,tn t,,a f.,, ~, G,.,s,,,. '..s.'t L.. H..
noht buitcif,, fa tI,t ,t, ,,"t.:. ,"os I'm ,o,n.
narn,,,,o ,of, ami r"a,trot;,,, .n"+na i,t,sI,aa+
,,oimt lint t,,o roa,,Ir,t,,,, t,,s ,it..nt,T ~
,,,nmv x,.cts rim f,.,."r s s.,'.,"a ~, n.a -"
spt In o,,out ,,n,,u AMI n ,,,rs.ra,, ,1,r,,
mi IL" ,f.r,no,, .,,,,,.,,''s,, .,s .,a,,
rnotnr nnt ti,., ot,nns,I,.rtn ,a,,i,.1",,v a,.'
l,oou 4ho ,,.st ~ n,,, ,fs,. .;,,n,. ..,.....,
.r,ntoi,t -, H.:sn t,,o ,,s ,," .,',,
rnsnfro,Iot, ., n, ,t,t,,, lin ,"'. .
;uryrnvul +, INN RI ,n,,rs,, ,,i,,, s,,a, 0'''
1"~"
...,,.,. tos,lNt1Sa FhEE.'' ..
', "'1G'i enunses .''o postlon "l recurrence
A.". II. ''!ens!ty Mit'u"t "pl'"!eht OF Ri"w1'' or
~ !e1s1 @ w'1ao.lt announced, cause IL Is WEI!
~ 'a'k III eoI'alesce'ee, anu IL " wfoflg 1of
aet''t'l!s'aS'ic surgeons M III 'nts'ead the PUZZLE
~ '"'Se nopes. t"a surgeons IN llot nave
.e sumo eneeF!nl story 10 e''thclr lhtl''';'es
.,H'. 'ney E'se l" lie pnplte. oaaa ol'c OF
u'eM' '1u"s !" pe'st,'"t irteha: lne tf'th
~ ~ uo t'sS'uc't' ~ '"t e"'nlae my Stsehetl'
t1e gus l"fi<t enough ohiy I" snatafH tue
"la';' np"1 n,S sss'e's'' "'l't VIC n"'e troup'c
W m's l"'ieS'
lhat u ule oest summary Of Ihe casa IT,
ule.1 taat can u etsch' lhe tFesit!cht Is
iot oettef. JIG IL
49,, NOT GAINING.
~ IS 'o' atosether certain that lie Il holding
ms 0w1l. iha most tile surgeons Will ray
10 ''le ';ap'he' Is TINT lie Is holding hts
own. As compared with what le would
lli'Se hseli 1t! washington 'lad he remained
'efc, nc 'sdo''bt!ess 4'cter, for the surgeons
a1e MI Ngreen thai, lintl l,e remained, l.e
w"ui't tlave atcd. and liz escnncd the worst
week u very bal Sl1fntncr; but :hc, l'as
l!it'da u" absolute gain here Il! pvlnt Of
, 1881-09-12

EfnEf.oS, y. H.. Ssts. lt-a:Wa. m.-At the
examination Of t'e President ut $50 Il. I'll, lis
temperature wis yS.s. pulse l04, anI resp!ra-
tlm 10. 10 WIS inurn restless al.d the fvbrttt
rise later tllHn III tho precatlnR night. lie
continues 10 take sufficient nourfshnant With.
Out gastric disturbance.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1881-10-08
There was o young man in Calcutta,
Who preferred oilymargarine to butta
And for this little whim
The gossips classed him
Among the too utterly utta.

A romanza: The moon5eams
hung listlessly from the Heavens,
as if they had no part or lot in the
destinies of rankind. The cricket
monotonously chirped his recita-
tive. and the katydid added cheer
to the evening by piping up her
weli-known solo. Twas a hazy,
lazy evening. but Rosalind Mcaush
was filled with ecstatic Joy chuck
up to the chin. For was not Geo.
Fitzalamode reclining on the veran-
dah by her side, and as he gazed
wistfully and somewhat gropingly
into her eyes, he murmured, Rosa,
my dear. all nature seems to be in q
quiet mood. 'on such a night as
this = ooh. George, don't stop
to quote Mr.. Shakespeare. If there
is any burden on your heart drop
it." "AnI will you, Rosa, pick it
up?" and with bated breath he
waited his fate. II will, and carry
it for you with tenderest love"
There was a sound as of the rip.
ping of shingles of q barn: aud the
moon shone brighter, the cricket
put in livelier chirp, and the
katydid hoped on the verandah,
right under their very faces. and
shouted her accusation in yet
higher key.-Nev Haven Register.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1881-10-08

pes on it. I'll get it myself
Good! Now, that lamp is huns
too high. Can I have a big coach,
candle fixed up at the head of my
bed, SO that l can read comforta.
bly?'
Yes, sab. you kin. I'll fix he,
up myself, an I'll fix her up so dat
she'll burn all night. Yes. sab; an
you can jes call for anything you
wants. an dis yer whole railroad'll
be turned wrong end up an inside
out for git it for you. OATS Sc
And he disappeared. Well, I
tilted my head back. hooked my
thumbs in my arm-boles, smiled a
smile at my companion, and said,
gently:
Well, what do you say nowa'
My companion was not in a
humor to respond. ard didn't. The
next minute that smiling blnck face
Was thrust in at the crack of the
door, and this speech followed:
Laws bless you sab, / knowed
you in q minute. I told de con-
ductah SO. Laws! I knowed you de
minute sot eyes on you
is that SO, my boy? Handing
him a quadruple fee. Who am II
Jennul Mcclellan 7 and be dis
appeared again.
My companion said. vinegar1sh-
ly, Well, well! what do you say
now?'
Right there comes in the mar
vellous coincidence / mentioned
awhile ago, viz: I was spesehless.
And that is my condition now.
Perceive it?'
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1881-10-08
THE UTTER YOUNG MAN

Tkhs youth bore . cane in his nimbI.
right hand,
Az down the broad street he did strpt
IN style so superbly aud awfully grand,
1aat made folks calculate wildly, m,
land!
That fellows too utterly utt!"
a thin as the paint that enyarni.hed his
cane.
Or the crack in the door when its
MSS the portentious size Of this p,y
cresture's brain,
That whispered unto him again and
again,
"sll, you are too utterly uM~
oh. Danish this asthetie demon outright
To some Russian or African hut
Where the people are not SO awfully
quite,
And they kill of hundred young GAL
lants each night
For being too utterly utt!
-Dtfroa HsF
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1881-10-08
HOW. TO SELECT A HUSBAND.

1t has been profoundly remarked
that the true way of telling a toad
stool from a mushroom is 20 .eat it
II you die i. is toadsto0l; If sou liv,
it WAS a mushroom. A similal
method isemplosed in the selection
of husbands. Marry him; if be
kills you, he was bad husband; i
he makes you happy, he is gcot
one. There is really NO other cri
terian. Some young men that seem
unexceptlenab!e. indeed very de-
srable when they are single. are per-
fectly horrid as soon as they are
married. All the latent brute there
is in the heart comes out as soon az
sensitive and delicate being seeks
her happiness in his eompanionship
Tue honeymoon lasts n very sboea
time, receptions aud rounds of par
ties are econ over, and then they
sit down to make home happy. Il
she has married q society man, he
will soon begin to get bored; he
will yawn and go to sleep on the
sofa. Then he will take his hat, GO
down to the club and see the boys,
and perhaps not come home till
morning. Ii she has married man
engrossed in business. be will be
tagged out when he comes home.
He may be sieklY man that she
must nurse. morose man that she
must seek to cheer. a drunken man
that she must sit up for, violent
man that she fears, fool whom she
soon learns to despise, vulgar man
for whom she must apologize--in
short, there are thousands of ways
of being bad husbands and very
few ways of being good ones. An1a
the worst of it is, that the poor,
silly women are apt to admire in
siugle men tie very traits that
make bad husbands, and look with
contempt or ridicule upon those
quiet virtues which make home
happy. Men with very little per-
sonai beauty or style often make
the wife happy, and sometimes quite
the reverse. The number of ways
otbeing bad husband is almost as
the number of ways of being ugly.
No one can tell from the demeanor
OF single man what sort of a hus-
band he will be. However, she
must marry somebody.-iSoulhern
Lius Stock: Journal.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1881-10-08
REMEMBER THE ORPHANS

At eight o'clock in the morning
= wife followed her husband down
20 the gate as he was starting for
down town, and said to him:
"Willialn. you know how sadly I
need blue bunting dress"
Eyes dear" he remarked; "but you
know how hard up I am. AS soou
as I can see my way clear, you
shall have the dress and new bat
to boot. Be patient. be good, and
your reward shall be great"
Forty minutes after he emerged
from restaurant, with big basket
and tish-pOle, bound up the river.
The contents of the basket were
q chicken. pickles. cake, fruit, pie,
and a bottle Of liquid Of rich color,
and be was just lightning twenty
cent cigar, when his wife came
along.
what, are you here?" he ex-
claimed.
Il was going to market. Where
are you going-wLat's in your bas-
ket?"
II was going to carry this fish
pole around the corner here, to
friend on Jefferson Avenue" lie
earnestly answered.
And that basket"
This basket--well, I was going
to takeit to the asylum as a present
to the children. It is donation
from six leading citizens"
William, / don't believe it."
"Sh? Don't talk SO loud"
William, / shall talk louder yeti"
she exclaimed "I'll bet you're 60
ing fishing"
Mary, have I ever deceived you?"
be plaintively asked. II never have
As proof ofmy sincerity, you can
take the basket to the orphan asy-
lum yourself"
And III do it," she promptly re-
piled, as She relieved him of it.
Mary, hadn't you"
"No, cir, hadn't! You'd better
hurry up with that fsb-pole. as the
man may want it: and be careful
how you stand around in the sun !"
She left him there. He watched
her take the car for home, then he
returned the fish-pole, and crossing
the street. said to an acquaintance:
tom. I'm suffering with neural
gia. and the excursion is off till next
week. Too bad. but We can never
tell what day may bring forth"
There were chicken and pickles
and other good things on the table
at dinner, but he never smiled.
Even whec his wife wished she was
an orphan, if that was the way they
were fed, he never betrayed the
gloom in his heart. 1t was only
when she handed him the bottle be
had SO carefully tucked into the bas-
ket, and he saw it labelled "Good
for Little Children" that he said:
"Mary. it's on awful thing for a
wife to get the impression that her
husband is -blooded liar"
1T must be" she replied. as she
took tue other chickeu-lsg. |
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1881-10-08
A BANG-UP AFFAIR.

A st. Louis paper chronicles will
genial particularly the recent
simultaneous marriage of the three
daughters of DR.. Bang. of that city
As a frst-class, bang-up bit of $50.
-ciety news" this report seems to
appropriate the muffin" Dir
Charles Bang, the father, "has 70,
many years kept drug store on
the cerner os Fifteenth street and
Franklin avenue" and the bride
greoms are respectively a candy
manufacturer, bank teller, and a
dentist. They are described as be-
ing every way worthy the fortu-
nate matrimonial prizes they have
drawn" The wedding went of
cheerfully- When Mr.. Bang. has-
ing signed the affidavit for one
daughter, was called upon to sign a
second one, he exclaimed:
What must I sign sgain2"
Certainly" replied the clerk !;
"this isn't job lot. You have to
sign Tor each one."
When the applications were made
out, the clerk said to DR.. Bang.
"You ought to feel happy to get
SO many daughters of your hands
at once"
The doeto, replied:
They took all I had; that breaks
up the family"
YES" said Mr.. Wetzel "that
was q regular wholesale business;
we made clean sweep"
When the clerk was asking for
the names that went together in the
licenses, DR.. Herman exclaimed:
Don't YOU make any mistake
now, aud give me the wrong girl;
l want the one. that belongs to me"
When everything was concluded
except the fees. DR.. Bang said:
"The next thing is"
The next thing is," interrupted
Mr.. Wetzel, one Of the prospective
husbands, "to 60 out aud get some
beer" :..
But the licenses are not raid for
yet"
NO matter, We can pay for them
in the morning when we get them"
The party then filed ont gleefully
and no doubt had the beer. The
triple marriage recalls an anecdote
related of an eccentric minister a
number of years ago. who was call
ed upon to marry three couples ut
once. The parties were standing
around promiscuously. waiting for
the arrival of the minister, and when
be came in he marched up to them
exclaiming: Sort yourselves r
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1881-10-08
A VILLAGE OF TERRORS.

A Detr sitter who had business in
q village in WashneEsw county,
drove out there in a buggy, and OF
course went to the inn for his din
ner. The landlord made noanau;ries
until the meal was eaten and paid
for; he .hen feand opportunity to
iLquire:
"Were you going out to Squire
Browns place?"
mo"
81 didn't know but YOU were .
lightning rod man, and I was going
to say that the Squire has threaten
ed to shoot the next one on sight.
We don't go much on them fellers
around here. aud I'm glad you are
somebody else. Maybe you are GO
ing over to Judge Hardy's to sell
some fruit trees for fall setting ?"
mo"
"Well. that's lucky. Only yester-
day the Judge was remarking to
me that the next fruit tree agent
who entered his gate would want
b coffin. Fact is, I layself have got
to do some kicking to paw for be.
ing swindIed ON grape vines. You
are not patent-right man, eh?"
"No." e, f
"Well. that's a narrow escape for
you. We've been swindled here
ON hay forks, eultirators, pumps,
churns and o dozen other things,
and I'm keeping sixteen dozen bad
eggs for use ELen the next patent
RICHTER shows his face in this town.
Perhaps YOU are lecturer9"
"Oh. no."
"Well. you haven't !est anything.
We never turn out very strong here
to lectures; the last man who struck
US lectured on Our Carrency, but
didn't take in enough of it to pay me
for his supper. You ase not book
canvasser?"
"No."
That's anothe. escape. We've
been LAID out here 30 often that If
an agent should offer to sell $40
Bible for fifty cents, we'd suspect it
was trick to beat US. Strikes me
now that you may be lawyer"
mo" ;
Good 'nuff. Last one who set
tied here had to leave town at mid
night, and We don't want any more.
Say, what are you, anyway"
"A politician" was the reply,
"a politiciani Then gitl For
Heavens sakel don't stand around
here if you value your lifel We've
just impeached our pound-master
for embezzhng the public money,
and the excitement is SO intense
that the Democl ats will ride you on
a rail or the Republicans duck you
in the water-trough. Git right up
and scoot"-Detroa Free Press.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1881-10-08

In New. England. when a man is
drunk, he is ION IL fool" in Chicago
he is ION hoorah;" in st. Lonis
he has dash too much up his
nose;" in Kansas City he is "ginnei
up for all that's OUT" in St. Joe
"the benzine has the upper hold"
in Omaha he is ION it bigger'n an
Injun;" in Denver be has "slung in
a bowl too much" in Cheyenne
"the duffer's got it in the neck" in
Leadyille the galoot's on roarsi
agiu!"
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1881-10-08


SAVED HIS FARM.-A native oil
Flint River township went linping
and groaning to the Office of the
new doctor with the blue and gold
sign, and the Latin diploma, and
the new buggy and the chestnut
horse with blaze face. "It's the
rheumatic, doc" groaned the pa
tient; "my whole back is jest gone
with it. I'm one broad ache, from
the back of my neck clean down to
my hips. I'm a sufferin' the tor
ments of the" "Let me see your
tongue, said the new doctor. '.Ah,
yes, I see. I see. That will do.
Take this prescription, get it filed.
and use as directed. Fonr dollars. I"
"By hokey." said the afflicted one,
as he hobbled away, "ef l amt the
luckiest man in F!int River. -Four
dollars for !ookin' at my tongue.
An / was just on the bare point Of
askin' him to look at my whole
back" And he breathed hurd rs
he thought by what narrow es-
cape he had saved his farm.-Rur-
iinqio" ds:sck.eye.
St. Tammany farmer. [volume] (Covington, La.) 1874-current, 1881-10-08
MARX TWAIN TELLS A
STORY.

AT = recent Gunner OF the Boston
Papyrus Club. Mark Twain, being
called on for speech, said:
Il am perfectly astounded at the
way history repeats itself. 1 find
myself situated at this moment ex-
xctly and precisely as I was once
before, years ago. to a jot, to a
tittle-to very hair. There isn't
. shade of difference. It is the
most astonishing coincidence that
evsr-but wait. I will tell you the
former instance, and then you will
see it yourself. Years ago I arrived
one day ut Salamanca, N. Y, east
ward bound. Must change cars
there and take tho sleeper train.
There were crowds Of people there,
and they were swarming into the
long sleeper train and packing it
full, and 1t was a perfect purga.ory
OF rush, confusion, gritting of teeth.
and soft, sweet and low profanity.
I asked the young man in the ticket
Office if I could have a sleeping
section, and be answered Mo- with
snarl that sEriveled me up like
burned leather. / went off smart
ing under this insult to my dignity,
and asked another local official,
supplicatipgly, if | couldn't have
poor little corner somewhere in a
sleeping car; and he cut me short
with = venomous No, you can't;
every corners full Now don't
bother me any MORE and he turned
his back and walked off. My dig
nifty was IN state now that cannot
be described. / was 80 ruffied that
well, said to my companion. If
these people knew who I am, they
but my comparion cut me short
there and said, Don't talk any such
folly; if they did know who you
are. do you suppose it would help
your high mightiness to a vacancy
in a train which has no vacancies
In itr This did not improve my
condition any to speak of, but just
then I observed that the colored
porter Of the sleeping-car had his
eye on me, / saw his dark counte-
nance light up. He whispered to
the uniformed conductor, punctu-
ating with mods and Jerks toward
me, ard straightway this conductor
came forward. oozing politeness
from every pore, and said:
Can / be of any service? Will
you have . place in a sleeper?'
'Yee. said, and much obliged
to you. Give me anything: any
thing will answer
He said; we have nothing left
but the big family state-room, with
two berths and q couple of arm
chairs in it. bat it is entirely at yo9
disposal. Here, Tom, take these
sachels aboard
He touched his hat, and We and
the colored Tom moved along. I
was bursting to drop just one little
remark to my companion, but /
held in and waited. Tom made Us
comfortable in that sumptuous
great apartment. and then said,
with many bows and perfect
afiuence of smiles:
Now, is dey anything you want,
sab? Kass you can have Jest any
thing you wants. 1t don't make
no difference what it is
I said: Can I have some hot
water and tumblcr at 8 o'clock
tonight, blazing hot? You know
about the right temperature for a
hot Scotch pancha' |
Yes, sab, dat YOU kin; you kin