Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1881-03-22

Slumber SWeetly, anger, cream IOreVeIIuOres
And-oh! for clothes-pin, just to stop thy
snore.
Mr.. Sp0Opendy ke's Accident.
"Why, what's the matter, my dear ?"
cried Mrs. Spoopendyke as Mr.. Spoo-
spendyke limped into the room and
dropped into chair.
"What on earth has happened you ?"
81 fell down and killed myself"
moaned Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"How, where 2" asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, bustling around him, all nervous
ness. "How did you do it?"
'Sllpped on the ice, and broke my
arm from head to foot" sighed Spoo-
pendyke, family.
Good gracious!" calculated Mrs.
Spoopendyke. Whereabouts? Where
did it happen ?"
"Out doors, dod CAST it! Where dye
s'pose 1 did it? Think I brought the
ice in the house and then laid down on
it? Oh, dear! I'll never get my
clothes off again. I've got to sit here
and die," and Mr.. Spoopendyke leaned
back in the chair and closed his eyes
with resignation.
l IL uclP yOu OA Will yOuI Hos 0Au
overcoat," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, ten.
derby. ''Let me help you"
"Be very careful about taking off my
hat" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, rousing
up. "Take it off easy, or you'll hurt
my elbow. Pull the left arm of my
overcoat down, 80 it will slip off. What
We doing? Trying to skin me? That
sleeve is full of broken bones, I tell ye.
Now help me into chair. I knew
must go sometime, but never expected
to die so suddenly as this :" and Mr..
Spoopendyke lifted his sprained arm
and dropped it again to see if there was
any animation left in his system.
Cant I do something for you,
dear?" asked Mrs. SpoOpendyke, with
fearful eyes.
"If you could sing q hymn without
starting up the cats, 1t might make my
last minutes more peaceful" replied
Mr.. Spoopendyke, putting his feet on 8
chair, and composing himself for disso-
luton.
"You'd better let me attend to your
arm." recommended Mrs. Spoopendyke
"If 1t is badly sprained, you ought to
have something on it."
"Didn't tell ye it was broken? just
got curiosity to see it, haven't ye;
VAL w hLt 1pl tAC RO5L tCll, Chh y q
Go ahead. Do what you please. In 8
little while I'll be beyond pain. Just
take it and do what you like with it..
And Mr.. Spoopendyke stuck the MAIN
ed arm out straight, and waived il
around like ham.
"If you'd let me rotate it little, and
then bind it up with arnica. you'll bt
all right In an hour" cooed Mrs. Spoo'
pendyke, affectiQnately.
Rotate it, them" murmured Mr.
Spoopendyke: II don't suppose it will
make much difference to my estate
Take it down in the kitchen and rotate
it. You might-bold on, dod CAST it
What dye think I am, a pump? Got
an idea I'm clock? Let go that arm,
will YEP" And Mr.. Spoopendyke
pranced around the room. "Oh you're
surgeon, you are. All you want is a
bucksaw and broken balustrade, to be
medical college. Going to pull it Out
by the roots? S'pose that's a tooth
1t isn't; it's an arm, and it's busted like
toIpedo!" And Mr.. Spoopendyke
who had been brandishing the injured
and sympathize with himself
"Let me battle it in arnica," said Mrs
Spoopendyke "Thats the best thing
in the world"
Eyes, dear" replied Mr.. spoopen-
dyke.
Mr.. Spoopendyke regarded his wife
with one eye. and grunted feebly.
And you'll put on silver plate
with my name and age. and get a few
flowers? You don't want many. ]
shan't miss 'em if there amt more'n
six. Will you attend to it?"
'Just let me turn up your shirt sleeve
and I'll fix it in a minute"
Every good" said Mr.. Spoopendyke.
II don't suppose it will do any harm to
hurry matters. Is my dress suit all
brushed? Have got pair of socks
that my immortal soul won't shine
through the toes Of? Cause if haven't
you'd better use some of your measley
arnica on my clothes. If you think Pm
going into the tomb all covered with
grease, and my shirt Tapping around
me like 1 was clothes line, you're
pendyke eyed his wife gloomily while
she prepared to lave his sprained shoul.
der. "Will you put me in a casket ?"
he moaned, and she began operations.
Yes" answered Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"I'll see thatyou have lots of flowers
and big flu"
81 don't want any big funeral. S'pose
I'm being cut off in the midst of my
usefulness just because funerals are
cheap? Have you got clean hand
kerchief to put in my pocket when I'm
dead ?"
Certainly, DEAR" replied Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, and having thoroughly bath
ed the arm, she bandaged it carefully.
"Don't you feel better ?"
perhaps lift were.amputated in tine
I might get WELL" replied Mr.. Spoopen
dyke. hitching his arm around to see if
he could find pain anywhere. what
kind of u cravat have I got to wear in
case of-in the event of-the worst ?"
And Mr.: Spoopendyke approached the
climax of his question as becomes man
who shrinks from the inevitable.
1.-THE one you We got Oh will do, won't
it?" inquired Mrs Spoopendyke.
mo il won't either. Is that all I've
got? Expect I'm going to be buried
among strangers in dod gasted necktie
that won't hold together four days long
er? Calculate that Pm going to the
promised land as though was hunting
for job? Want me to prowl around
among the other late lamented as
though Pm busted up in business !?
Think I'm a measle tramp" And
Mr.. Spoopeddyke tore off the tie and
stamped on it, and then dove into bed
Cant you bring up my breakfast ?"
demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke the next
morning. my arms so lame can't
go down stairs"
Mrs. Spoopendyke brought It to him
and an hour later, when dressing, he
asked for his necktie.
II wish you'd look for it," said he
enormously, "You know I can hardly
move"
Here it is, DEAR" said Mrs. Spoopen.
dyke. You tore it off last night with
your sprslued arm" And she left for
down stairs. without waiting to hear
his remark about "measley wives, who
only need a long beard and a comic
songbOOk to be Solomon"
HOMEMADE FERTILIZER.-The
Rardl World gives the following plan
Pack the bones In green horse man
IL