Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-03
PITH AND PUNT.

AXE uO1StS MOttuQcu III Uhttlc NttllcO
hors d1 combat?
ARE all the victuals mixed when the
sailors have mess
1T doesn't require pair of horses to
drag out miserable existence.
MANY persons confound the spirit of
liberty with the liberty of spirit.
If thine enemy revile thee, revile
not again. Present him with a guinea
hen.
A YOUNG mans friends object ito his
being loose, but somehow they have an
equal objection to his being tight.
You've swell-"I say, boy, what do
you do with your clothes when you've
worn them out?" Boy" Wears 'em
'ome agin.
"MARY JANE, have you given the gold
fish fresh water 2" No, ma'am what's
the use2 They haven't drunk up what's
In there, yet. !"
WHEN dead mans property is put
under the hammer, it is the sale of eff
fects, but when a man gets sea-sick, it's
the effect of a sail.
In letter to friend, young lady
states that she is not engaged, but that
she sees a cloud above the horizon about
as large as mans hand
FRAGMENT of letter written by
maniac who had formerly superb in
tellect 81 am sad and uneasy, like
Goldfish who feels his wings growing"
The man who is asked to guess at a
lady's age, and don't guess several years
less than he believes to be exact, is
making an enemy, and doing truth no
good.
A SPRINGFIELD minister remarked lust
before the sermon 81 should like to
remind the congregation that we have
prayer-meeting at the chapel every
Thursday evening, regardless of the
weather. Those of us who were there
last week were led to feel that there
must be scarcity of umbrellas among
the people as a whole.
DARKLx the humor
MUSES. fate;
Ghesty experiment.
Life seenls to him,
Subject Of merriment
somher and grim;
Is it his DOM or Is
Something he ste7
A SCOTCH clergyman, who was given
to absence of mind, was once on his way
to preach in a church little outside of
Edinburgh. The wind was strong in his
face, so that in stopping to take pinch
of snuff he turned his back to it, but for
got to turn again TO his original direc-
ton, and so walked back into the city
without KIN ing it.
A.YoUNa lady once limited to a gentle
41aa& al
asked what reward she merited for her
industry. He sent her answer in the
shape of thimble, on which the follow
ing lines were engraved:
send you a thimbe, for fingers nimbie,
Which hope win fit when you try It:
1t will last you long, If It's half as strong
As the hint which you gave 10 huyit
A MAN bought a gallon of gin to take
home, and, by the way of label, wrote
his name upon card, which happened
to be the seven of clubs, and tied it to
the handle. A friend, coming along and
observing the Jug, quietly remarked,
That's an awful careless way to leave
that liquor r Why ?" said Tom.
Because somebody might come along
with the eight of clubs and take it.
LITTLE Jean, 90 months old, was max
head. Her mother said, az don't see
what gave her the idea. She never saw
any one do it. In a few minutes Jean
came running with her picture-book
open at the illustration in Mother Hub
bard,
She went to the bakers to buy him some bread,
And when she came back he stood on his head.
and, pointing triumphantly to the up
side-down dog, said, "Seei seer
"YoU don't seem to have made much
money by bringing your hogs down
here, was remarked TO "a farmer who
had driven his hogs seven milec 70 town
and then sold them for precisely what
was offered him before he lett home.
"Well, no, said the agriculturist pen
slvely. | haven't made much money,
but then, Frightening, "you know 1
had the company of the hogs on the
way down.
Nor long since, in one of our neigh
boring villages, young lady who had
been engaged to fine young man for
some time met a richer person, and
soon put off the old love for the new.
She wrote to the old lover requesting
him to return her photograph. Here
was chance for revenge, which he took
by sending the following note 81
would GLADLY comply with your request,
but If | do SO it will spoil my eucher-
deck. | have a collection of photo
graphs which use for playing cards,
and do not wish to break it by giving
away the deuce of diamonds. oil Gu
Derrick.