Connecticut western news., 1881-01-12
WIT AND WISDOM.
A TEEN atty won.

A GOOD profit One hundred peroent.
 SAID he, "Let us be one." And she was won.
 A STUDY in oil-The attempt to get sardine out whole. WHEN married woman buys pug dog for low price she gets bargain and her husband gets something to | boot
 Nor everybody will be able to see the Nautch girls, but every body can get s pretty good idea of their dance by put ting two hornets down the hired girls back.
 EMMA ABBOTT says that kissing on the stage is uo fun. Of course it isn't. There's none of the feeling that you're doing something that you ought not, about it.
 A LITTLE girl whose father was mer- CT, can always tell when pa makes misfit, because he always gives you and me fits when he gets home."
 SOUND practical advice given by a misanthrope: If ever you should be at tackled by night, never shout ''Murderl" for no one will bother about you; yell "Fire !" and everybody will be out of door in iiffy.
 PERSONS giving presents to newspaper men, should remember that the fashion is to give nothing worth less than sev- eral thousand dollars. Anything cost ing less the editors can buy themselves, or go without.
 "SAnvrN1, it is said, will smoke none but Italian cigars" We'll, he should have no difficulty in getting in good supply while in this country. A very good quality of Italian cigar is made in New Jersey, but for pure Havanas, he must go to Connecticut.
 SERGEANT of Police (to Bobby): "What o'clock is it?" Bobby: "I ain't got watch" Sergeant: "Not got watch How long have you been in the force?" Bobby: "Three months, sir" Sergeant "Three months, ard no watch 1" Bobby: "Please, sir, I ain't had no night duty yet"
 THE Hartford Sunday Journal wants an answer to the question, "Why does a hen go across the road?" There are two reasons. First, because the opposite neighbor has just planted some very choice verbena seed; and, second, the hen goes across the road because it is so long she can't go round it. Whats the reward?
 A LITTLE boy, whose father was rather immoderate drinker of the moder- ate kind, one day sprained his wrist, and his mother utilized the whisky in her husbands bottle to bathe the little fell lows wrist with. After while the pain began to abate, and the child surprised his mother by exclaiming, |" Ma, has pa got sprained throat? ?"
 IT IS mighty embarrassing to man who has some religious friends staying with him to have his dog, which has been very quiet during the week days, begin right after breakfast Sunday to run to the gun in the corner, and then to his master and wag his tail, and then run back to the gun again. It raises doubts in the visitors minds as to how the host usually passes Sunday.
 ONE of our society young ladies was down at the market the other day, when her attention was directed to some Christmas trees. When she was told that one of them was a fir tree, she ex- claimed: "Oh, Theodore now do you really mean that my sacque grew on tree like thatP How ridiculous Theo- dore thought it was ridiculous, too, but he didn't say so.
 THE Rockland Courier has been much grieved to notice the reckless spelling indulged in by the Waldeboro Nct0s. Any paper, living as that does, in the centre of Dutch town, that will de- , liberately spell sourkraut whith ness and no and you and are and kay and are and a know and eve and tea, sourkrout, is by no means entitled to occupy the exalted position which the press of to-day enjoys as great public instructor. What is wanted IS more of the spelling of our fathers.
 Now DOTH the small boy take his F chubby little sister by the hand and wander forth in search of the frozen ice } patch in the meadow, and passeth the , afternoons sunshine in drawing her , over the slippery surface on his new haud-sled. N. B. The above is lie. You can neither hire nor drive small t boy into drawing hls sister on sled. , He'd sooner fall through the ice, take cold and be sick all winter.
 THE GROCERY SEATS.
 A busy retail grocer,
 Whom we all surely know, sir,
 Was asked one day in 8 friendly way By country chap who had come to stay Tin the mail came in at the close of day, "What are your gross receipts, sir?"