The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-12-14
FLOATING FANOIEs,

down.
A st. Louis editor found q nickel in the
street and wrote a half column editorial on
Our Increase of Wealth.
Il was very ungallant in the old bachelor
who was told that a certain lady had zone
foot in the grave" to ask if slhere wasn't
room for both feet"
On being asked what he thought fire flies
were made for, q little boy answered, Il
think God made them for candles to light
the little frogs to bed"
A hon1ely girl with a small and pretty foot
takes 10 per cent more comfort in this world
than a pretty-faced girl who knows it is all
day with her il she falls over a log.
"Six Girls" is the title Of the latest novel.
The hero was an internal villain. We
don't think q man can bonorably make love
to more than three girls at the same time.
It is announced that badness can be cured
by skin-grafting, but by married men the as
eer,ion is regarded as mere balderdash. They
say the only sure cure lies il the amputation
of the arms Of the female.
A sad young poetess Of Michigan sends us
O. rhyming wall about the ''bare brown fields
and the naked trees" Young woman, you'd
better send that poem to the Police Gazette
and let them illustrate it. IL would be 3
bonanza for them, but we can't use it in q.
family paper.
It was Saturday night in Leadville. Six
rough miners were playing poker. But as
the clock struck the hour Of twelve. pro-
claiming that the Lords day had come, with
one accord they threw down ,he cards and
left the saloon. They went across the s1ree,
to see a dog fghi.
The St. Louis bridge is becoming o favorite
resort for suicides. Il is a good place. a
man goes on the bridge, he looks at the Miss
issippi, and at the city; he eaYs, Here, I've
either got to 60 back to St. Louis or into the
river and the next minute the catfish are
fighting for best cuts of him.
Rose Whortleberry heard her master re-
mark at the dinner table the other day that
Kismet meant 'sfate," and this is the reason
why she 50 astonished her mistress by re-
marking the mex day TO Belinda, the cham
bermaid: sob, Blindy, | can scarcely walk
wild the chilblains all over my two Kismets.
Let the dear kitten out of the bag: George
aged 4 years, was playing with bis toys when
bis cousin Mary, Of sweet 10, seized him and
gave him q kiss. George broke away, cry
ing out, "Saucebox!" 'Oh, fe," said bis
mother. sGeorgie mustn't say that. : 'sThat's
what cousin Mary said herself to that TilIIng-
ton man last night when be kissed her"
IF YOU ever think Of marrying q widow,
my son" said an anxious parent TO bis heir,
~ssselect one whose first husband was hung;
that is the only way 10 prevent her throwing
his memor in your face, and making an
moving comparisons" Even that won't
prevent it," exclaimed o crusty old bachelor;
''she'l then praise him, and cay hanging
eoould be too good for you.'
A young lady once hinted TO a gentleman
that her thimble was worn out, and asked
what reward she merited for her industry.
He sent her an answer in the shape OF q
thimble, on which the following lines were
engraved:
Isend you o thimble, for fingers nimDle,
Which / hope will fit when you try it;
1t will last you long, i fits half az strong
AS the hint which You gave me to buy it.
ssNow," said the teacher in q primary
class 10 one of bis pupils, to whom be was
irving to impart o knowledge OF division,
In, with little success, IF you had 9 pie,
and I should ask you for q quarter Of il. and
You should give me what | wanted, how
much would you have left? - wouldn't
have any eft" quickly responded the little
girl. who seemed to think that the teachers
wants were by no means small.
The latest and perhaps the prettiest poem
written nv Mr.. T. B.. Aldrich relates how q
betrothed young couple were wandering IN 9
c%hurchyard, when the maiden saw q baby's
grave, and Immediately began 70 CRY. mat
The girls Of the present generation are often
times entirely too previous there is 20
doubt; but that one Of them should be moved
TO tears at the thought Of how deep would pc
her grief in case she should marry, have q
child. and lose il ia hardly probable.
Two young men were travelling 90 the
cars from New York TO Albany. 1t was
clearly 10 be perceived that they were repre-
sentatiyeso of the press. They did not wear
broadcloth clothes, their hands we're soiled
with plumbago dust, and they had 2 dead