davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29

on a single. He evidently thought
that particular single would go by tele-
graph and be delivered to his CORE
spondent for a sample of shat he
wanted. A young couple on their we'd
ding trip were met at the depot by
friends clad in mourning, with hearse,
because an operator had sent the word
"hearse instead of "horse. A dis
patch from Queensland said Gov.
Kennedy had turned the first
sod on some important work, but
the operator gave the message to the
London newspapers .Governor of
Queensland, twins, first son." and the
London Times gravely remarked that
Lady Kennedy had been safely deliv-
cred of twins, of which the eldest was
soil
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
Trades Against wo,nen.

Some of the old writer's have said hard
things about the women. Socrates
averred that it would be more tolerablt
to live with dragon than woman :;
Mohammed excluded women from the
paradise into which he admitted sheep,
whales, ants and parrots; Seneca vowed
the only thing which made virtue proba
BILE in woman was her ugliness; Thu
cydides asserted the best woman to be
she of whom least could be said, either
good or bad !; Montaigne said that good
women are not to be counted by dozens :
and Swift considered women to be only
little higher than the monkeys. We
are told i'll French epigram
When Adam, waking frst, his lids unfolds
In Eden's groves, beside HIM he behods
Bone of his bone flesh of his flesh, and knows
His earliest sleep has proved his last repose.
"Do you wish, )" says Madame Neckar,
to spread an opinion, address yourself
to women; they will easily accept it, be-
cause they are ignorant they will spread
it quickly abroad, because they love to
talk they will long uphold it, because
they are obstinate" But all these ILL
nature6 remarks wers applied to the
women of other days and to women in
other countries. In the United States
the women, as a mass, are superior to
the sex elsewhere, and can afford to smile
at these TRADES abroad. The American
women, as whole, are the best in the
world.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
A Graceful Woman.

What is more charming than an agree
able, graceful woman? Hire and there
we meet one who possesses the fairy
like power of enchanting all about her
sometimes she is ignorant herself of the
magical influence, which is, however,
for that reason only the more perfect.
Her presence lights up the home; hei
approach is like the cheering warmth
she passes by, and we are content she
stays awhile, and we are happy. To be-
hold her is to lives she is the aurora
with human face. She has no neel to
do more than simply to be; she makes
an Eden of the house paradise breathcs
from her, and she communicates thi,
delight to all, without taking any great
er trouble than of existing beside them.
Is not here an inestimable gift?
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
Telegraphers, Bulls.

A press dispatch from Omaha an
nounced that a company of infantry had
met party of Indians and were "aH
scalped." 1t should have read call es-
capped AN important difference not
only to the company, but to their friends
who were to read the dispatch, said Mr..
Simonton. eve killed a deaf mule, y
an operator read dispatch ordering ar
rangements for the reception of dead
body, which should have been "deaf
mute" Send 10000 shingles like this
one" wrote Williamsport lumberman
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29

"May I call you Paula" asked he.
EYES," she said, family.
"Dear Paula may [ call you that p
81 suppose So"
"Do you know I love you?"
eyes"
"And shalt I love you always ?"
eff you wish to,
"And will you love me?"
Paula did not reply.
"Will you, Paula ?" he repeated.
"You may love me" she said again
"But don't you love me in return p
"I love you to love me"
"Won't you say anything more ex
plicit?"
"Iwould rather not. The Leodicea
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29

M. PRUDHoMME lauds the advantages
of gymnastics. There is nothing like
1t tor the health, he says ; -" it increases
mans strength, prolongs his days"
But our ancestors did not practice
gymnastics, and yet" "They did not,
and what is the consequence They
are dead, every man of them,n
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
GOSSIP FOR THE LADIES.
Haunted.

haunted
I'm haunted by pair OF eyes;
Softly bright, Of wondrous size;
With pen or book
Do what VIII.
With steady look,
They haunt ma still
It seems so strange that those two eyes
Vi everything beneath the skies
Should I'll my heart
With joys quick glow,
Then make me start
With pain and woe.
All me. those eyesi dread their gaze;
They MI my soul with such amaze,
To know they see
What would hide,
And pity me,
But do not chide.
They do not chide, those dear, dear eyes:
They do not seem to feel surprise,
But softer glow
On me the while,
As they, too, know
Loves own sweet vile.
In dreams they come, beyond nv viii.
And steep my soul in wond'rous thrill,
can not tell
How 1t can be,
This magic spell
That's over me:
Nor how those eyes, cen when away;
Can melt in mine their soft'ning ray.
They have no right
To haunt me so,
Both day and night
Where'er they go.
ropId 7 no.,1d fnroa{ Xf,osa avoa
That CLEAN like lights in Paradise.
With pen or book,
Do what will,
With steady look
They haunt me still
-Gdtresto1l Neics.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
THE FAMILY RECORD.

y This noiched stick, suspended here
Beside the great hall door,
Hides many quaint and curious page
Of unwrit family lore;
It holds the record Of our lives,
Each notch a story tells,
And in its mystic marks and signs
Our family hiatt ry dBells.
"'Twss net as now, when we vera young,
Our schools were precious few,
And also very far between
Our county numbered two
And fifteen miles in winter time.
Was tather far to go;
Remembering that the winters then
We're not devoid Of snow.
sand so the schooling we obtained
(Myseif and husband Dick),
Consisted all in marks and signs
And notches on stick
eiush not here to own this fact;
The blame, if blame there be,
Must all attach to circumstance,
And not to Dick and me.
"This preface on the end, we notchsa
Just sixty years ago,
Where we had built our little hut
And moved in, through the snow;
Zee worldly wealth We then possessed
III not essay..to hide,
Consisted in yoke of steers,
log-chain, AZ and slide.
Z" But we were young and hopeful, and
Esteemed our prospects fair,
The richness Of our mutual love
Relieving every care;
We dwelt within little world
AL sacredly our own,
Basking in smiles and johnny-cakS,
Living on love and pone.
"This notch denotes the day and dats
When little Dick was born,
The first Of June, in twenty-nine-
Just fifty years this morn.
Poor boy he was not with us long,
His sands of life were fewl
For here we'notched him of again
In April, forty-two.
'' With doubtful, trembling hands, raaAa
THIS ugly notch myself,
When Daisy married wild Jack Jones,
And moved off TO herself;
I had no confidence in Jack,
He'd lived a reckless life;
Twas only under my protest
That he obtained his wife.
But Daisy brought about change
As good wife ever can,
And Jack has long since settled down
And proved himself man.
They own Eve hundred acres Of
rue very Debt OF l&nu,
And have genteel balance left
of ready cash On hand.
"Our cash account we've always kept
Upon this separate stick
make no entries here myself
But leave 1t all TO Dick.
Each notch thousand represents,
IN I'LL iuat sixty-four,
And, should the crops provo fair this rear,
Won add about five more.
We've always kept our business square,
And straighter than string
Have fairly dealt with all the world
And owe no man a thing.
We've labored honestly and well
For every cent we've got,
And old age finds us happy and
Contonted with our lot.n
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
Counter Irritation.

Uncle Nose and Parson Bledsoe were
taking walk along the beach when they
perceived youthful Zulu disporting
himself in the surf, who turned out to
be Parson Bledsoe's boy, Abran Lin
KUN.
:. Dat ar boy is gwine to catch cold. :"
said Old Nose.
Hits warmness he is gwine ter
catch"
90 means a cold In his head"
and | means warmness somewkars
else, - qalVeston Nea0s.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
HOnOrs to an Enemy.

That "dogs delight to bark and bite 4"
and also to "worry the cat, hath been
said and sung in song and story through
many English-speaking generations. 1t
was with no little surprise, therefore,
that few days since the denizens of an
uptown neighborhood witnessed novel
funeral procession which wound its way
slowly through several backyards to the
place of interment. First and foremost
marched old Towser, shaggy and
highly respectable family dog, carrying
by the nape of her neck the disfgured
corpse of a grimalkin, whose voice and
form were alike well, if not favorably
known, in all the regions round about.
Behind him followed Jupe, a handsome,
silken-haired spaniel of aristocratic lin
cage, who moves only in the most select
canine circles. Jupe is generally risky
but on this occasion he followed stately
Towser with staid dignity befitting the
occasion. Neither dog betrayed any
consciousness of the numerous bipeds
watching the singular proceedings, but
each kept on his course as though his
mind was absorbed In his peculiar occu-
patton to the exclusion of all other af-
fairs. The march ended at large ash
heap, the aggregations of contributions
rom the stoves and furnaces of several
surrounding houses, and then Towser
laid down his burden. Both dogs then
assisted in digging grave in the mound.
When one of the suitable dimensions was
finished Towser picked up all that was
left of poor grimalkin and deposited it
in the soft yielding bed. Then he stood
by an idle spectator while Jupe set to
work to cover it from sight. As soon as
this task was completed both dogs sat
back on their launches and INDUCED in
one long funeral howl, and then as if sat
isfed that all had been done that could
be asked of two such respectable CANNES
they wagged their tails in unison and
trotted off to their respective homes
NeaO Haven Palladium.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29

WHEN steamboat passengers talk too
much to the Captain he can always find
relief by shouting: "Man over-bored !"
NeaO Orleans Picn7Jatzle.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
A COUPLE of Young men went out fish

A COUPLE of young men went out fish
ing, and, on returning, were going past
farm house and felt hungry. They
yelled to the farmers daughters:
Girls, have you any butter-milk ?"
The reply was gently waited back to
their ears: eyes, but we keep it for our
own calves" The boys calculated that
they had business away-and they
went
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
FACTS TO THE FRONT.

The Sample southern Oufrages Re-
Gently Referred TO by Senator Dawes
Statement by the Massachusetts
Man in Question. Who. for the
Crime of Refriending the Negroes,
Was KukIuxed Ont of Louisiana,
His Property Destroyed by Fire, and
His Life Threatened.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-06-17
Bismarck's Escape from Death.
Sciss T'iges.

Sriss TiEies.
Hard by, where the Kleine Mauer strasse
debouches into the Linden, Prince Bismarck
had narrow squeak for existence at the
hands of young Blind not many months
before l first made the personal acquaintance
Of the eminent German statesman. II was
not, however, till the autumn of 1867 that
one night during lone tete-d-tete with
which he honored me in his own house In the
Wilhelm strasse, he gave me detailed and
graphic account of his renconter with Blind
and placed my finger upon the bony excres-
cence which had developed itself on one ofhis
lower ribs In consequence of the, injury infiict-
ed theron by bullet discharged from Blinds
revolver at q moment when its muzzle was
in actual contact with the Chancellor's body.
wowe my extraordinary escape from death" !"
he observed, "partly to the solidity and hard
ness of my rib, and partly to the strength of
my muscles. Blind had scarcely raised his
pistol when grappled with him, and got his
right arm In tight grip, which never relax
ed until he was secured by patrol of the
oudlas vi bNC iNC SIlObS uS Hfe0 WfilSL we
were struggling, only this one," pointing to
his side, took effect for Ihad my wits about
me and managed to keep his pistol hand
outward except just at the end of the
tussle, when he succeeded In turning the
barrel full upon my body. But the bullet,
though 1t sung me so sharply that thought
ii had gone clean through me, only glanced
off my rib. ran q much more imminent
risk from the fair-play instincts Of an honest
Prussian Guardsman than did from that
foolish lads revolver. You see, he was
smallish fellow, and am rather big one.
Whilst we were wrestling my hat fell of,
and suppose my bald head proveda tempting
object to one of the soldiers who ran up TO
see what was the matter, hearing the report OF
the pistol for this worthy fellow, perceiving
tall man, as he fancied, ill-treating q short
youth, clubbed his rife, and would assuredly
have brought the butt end down with crash
upon my bare pate had / not caught sight of
his attitude In time to shout ont, Hold on!
| am Bismarck'-upon which he dropped his
weapon In much greater fright than even
my own"
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-06-17
ANCIENT INK.
A Better and More Lasting Article Than the
Modern.
London Stationer.

London Stutioner.
The making Of Ink has, since ancient
times, gone through many phases and
changes. The ink Of the ancients, to which
we owe the conservation Of many important
and priceless documents, Is said to have been
. mixture of few parts OF SCOT and one part
Of solution of gum, q composition which, in
Its essence, Is similar to the Chinese ink, and
which, taking into account the porosity of
the paper written on, is able to account for
lit indellibility and preservation of all wri-
ting committed to Its keeping. The MSS. of
the first century of our era still remain clear
er than those which were written long SUBJ
sequently. The writings Of later days are
not near 80 clear, and are even In some cases
already illegiDle, because when they were
written makers had already begun to fabri-
cate paper from linen rags, and to press the
sheets Of pulp into greater consistency. The
paper being less porous, the ink did not PEN
trate, but rested on the surface; and, snbse-
quently, new evil was added--the ink was
changed In its composition BY the employ
ment Of other agencies than simple SCOT.
50 that BY the less compactness or the paper
used BY our forefathers and the greater puri-
ty Of their ink the writing entered the paper,
becoming part thereof; while now the
thinner fluid We employ lies on the surface
Of the paper, Is acted on By the air, and both
ink and paper perish together In lamenta-
bly, shot period. a word to the wise II
suficfent.n
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-06-17
POETRY.
THE pLOW-HANDS, SONG.

Niger mighty happy wen he iayin' by CON
Dat suns a-slantin';
Niger mighty happy wen he year de dinner
HON
Dat suns a-slantin;
En- he mo- happy still wen de night draws on
Dat suns a-slantin';
Dat suns a-slantin' des ez shos you BON.
En- it's rise up, Primus fetch anudder yell;
Dat ole dun cow des a-shakin' up her bell,
Goodnight, Mr.. Killdee wish You mighty
we'll!
Mr.. Killdee! wish you mighty well
i wish you mighty well
De con III be ready 'g'inst dumplin' day
Dat suns a-slantin'; .sr.
But Niger gotter watch, en- stick, en- stay
Dat suns a-slaatin'; a..
Same ez de bee-martin watchin' un de Jay
Dat suns a-slantin';
Dat suns a-slantin' en- aslippin' awayl
Den it's rise up, primus en- gin t'nm strong
DE cowsgwine home wild der ding -dang-dong-
Sling in anudder fetch er de old time song:
Goodnight, Whippo'will, don't stay long!
Mr.. Whippo'will! don't stay long!
Don't stay long.
De shadders er creepin' todes de top er de hill;
Dat suns a-siantin';
But night don't 'stroy wat de day done bull
Dat suns a-slantin';
Less de noddin' er de niger give de ash-cake
chill
Dat suns a-slantin';
Y
Dat suns a-siantin' EN- slippin'down still!
Den sing ii out, Primus! des holler EN- bawl,
En- whist weer strippin' desc mules fer de STALL
Let de gals ketch de SCUM er de plantation
call
Oh, it's goodnight, ladies' my love unter you
all
Ladies! my love unter you all!
My love unter you all
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-06-17
A PICTURESQUE PIONEER.
Colonel Albert II. PfeiH-r's Revenge for the
Murder of His Wife.
Del N0rte Prospector.

Dct Nofee FVspsctoF.
For the past six months Colonel Pfeiffer
has been bedfast, and at no time have hopes
been entertained of his recovery. On Wedpes-
day, April 9, 1881 about eleven O'Clock, he
died. His last request was that he be buried
quietly and unostentatiously. He has inter
red among the foothills overlooking his beau
tiful ranch, withno crowd or ceremony, only
five being present.
Colonel Albert Ii. Pfeiner was uorn III
Friesland, on the coast of Holland, in Octo-
ber, 1872. His father is, or was, a Lutheran
minister, and his mother was of Scotch de-
scent, from a Scotch noble family. He left
his native country when twenty-five years
of age and came directly to the West as
soldier in the ranks. He married Spanish
girl of Abequin, New Mexico, when about
thirty-four years old, by whom he had two
or three children, only one of whom Is alive.
It was at this point In his life which he
gained national celebrity. He was in COM
mand of Fort Macrae, and was taken i'll.
There are some hot springs located about
six miles from the fort, ahd near the Rio
Grande River. Himself, wife and another
lady, with an escort of ten soldiers, went
there to bathe, and while he was still In the
bath the Apache Indians rushed down on
them, whooping and yelling like the demons
that they were, and frightened the soldiers so
that they took to their heels and escaped !;
but not so with the ladies-both were shot
dead. Colonel Pfeifer leaped to the bank,
grasped his rifle and fired, killing one of the
iends; but the odds were too great, and his
only escape was in running and plunging
into the river, which he did, but not before
two arrows, one of which was poisoned, had
been lodged in his left side and leg. He
managed to swim the river, found medical
aid, aud soon recovered from the wounds.
Then 1t was that the Indians found terror
in our hero. Many were the red fiends that
fell victim to his unerring rife. He fought
in any capacity offered. He would at one
time be at the head of a band of Indians who
were at war with the Apaches, then again he
would muster up body of Mexicans or
whites and go on the war path, thirsting for
vengeance. The principal part of his fighting
was done under Kit Carson, and he was an
associate of Bill Bent, St. Vrain, Maxwell
and others of a like stamp. From the time
Of the death Of his wife he led rowing life,
was off to every new discovery, and wherever
he could be of use to white men.
He came to this valley 80 years ago, and
described it as being the finest country he
ever saw. ALI along the Rio Grands and on
the smaller streams game efall kinds abound
ed, and the Indian roamed At will, and was
monarch Of all he surveyed.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-06-17
THE MAN o. AIRLIE.

Oh, there abou' yon heather hill,
Where footfa' comes but rarely,
There is house they point out still,
Where dwelt the man o. Airlie.
He wore coat o. holden gray,
His hand was hard wi labor,
But still he had a homely way
o. standin' by his neighbor.
His burly laugh made men rejoice,
His words the neighbors guided;
The little bairnies loved his voice,
And in his smile confded;
The words to-day that left his lip
Became deed tomorrow;
Hout, man, the friendship of his grip
Would lift the heart o. sorrow.
He was ma loud, he was ma proud,
He lacked In larnin' sairly,
And yet ye'd pick him frae crowd,
The honest man o. Airlie.
His wealth 1t was ma in his land,
1t was ma In the city;
A mint o. honor was his hand,
His heart mine o. pity.
He's dead and gone, this prince o. Fife,
Mute is his bury laughter;
But, ah the music o. his life,
That bides with us lang after.
His memory lives, the man may die,
mat ungers prigur ana IouIn',
Just like star lost frae the sky.
Whose ray survives his ruin.
As sung by Laurence Barret
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-06-17
g DELIVER uS.u
Josh Billings Revision Of the Li.any.


Josh Billings has revised his prayers, which
are henceforth to read as follows:
From 10 many friends, and from things
with luce ends, deliver usl
From wife who don't luv Us, and chill
dren who dent look like us, deliver rs!
From wealth without charity, from pride
without sense, from pedigree wsrn oat, and
from ail rich relations deliver usi
From si,aix in the grass, from nails In our
hutcs, from torch-light processions and from
all nu rum deliver usl
From pack-peddlers, from young folks In
luv. from old aunts without money, and
kolery morbis, deliver us!
From newspaper sells; and pills that amt
fsic, from females who faint, aud men who
nAtter, deliver usl
From virtues without fragrance, from
butter that smells, from nigger kamp meet
ings. and from cats that are courtins, deliv-
er usl
From other folks secrets, and from orr
own, and women committeen, deliver usi
FOm folks who won't laugh, ana from
then uho dgsle, fro@ tite butes, eaoy virtue,
and mnttcn deliver ual
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-06-17
An Accommodating Road.
Detroit Free Press.

Detroit Free Press.
Several days ago a stranger made his ap-
pearance at the Union Depot and asked officer
Button how long before the Grand River
Valley train would 60 out.
ain about twenty minutes" was the re-
ply.
"Then I'll have time to go and get drink,
won't ]? ?"
"You will"
"That's good. I always prefer to travel
on a stiff horn of whisky"
He returned in about five minutes, wiping
his mouth on the back of his hand, and
asked.
" Has my train gone yet?"
mo, sir; you still have fourteen minutes
to spare"
"That's good; guess I'll go back for lit
tie brandy"
When be again returned he felt in good
spirits, and, ascertalning that he had still six
minutes to spare, he said:
.Now, that's what l call liberal, and I'll
lay in one more drink
The last one proved more than he could
bear up under, and he was not seen again for
three hours. Then he came around with :
wobble In his gait and an uncertain look In
his eyes, and said:
aShay, what time does the Gran River
Valley train 60 out"
ain about four honrs.n
aFo' hours? Why, that'ii give me time to
get drunk again. Mos 'comnodatin' rail-
road evar saw"
"Ycs.n
AShay, doan' want TO be mean. Con
tell " Superintendent he needn't wait fur
me any longer, 'canse II may delay others.
He's xhentlenian, be is, and I'm Ehentle-
man, / am; an when : xhentleman holds !
train for me mos half day can't impose
On him any longerl Shay, do you ever cry
when you get xhrunks ! do, m II you've
- obiection's III crJ now"
no objat1iona beng made, y cried.