Morning journal and courier., 1881-10-04


 Though culchawd withal, And for French. not good English they cert
 The saddle horse knows enough of arith- metic to carry one.-Neao Orleans Picayune
 Better rent than buy. Of the two evils choose the leased.-Rochester Sunday Her. aLd.
 Young men who do nothing are returning from their summer vacation.-Ne,c Orleans PicGyune.
 They asked him if he was the best man at the wedding. 'tNo," he said; q don't know as I was the best, but bejabbers I was as good as any of 'em l''-Bostoaa Post The State fair brings burglars "Lie still, Bridget" said Pat to his wife when the burg lars got into his house ''an' eff the spal- poems foind anything, bejabbers we'll get up and take it away from 'em. ''-ElnairG Free Press.
 Meyers has a bad voice, but is all the time humming snatch of some song. The other day he was talking to Gilkerson about himself saying that he would cultivate his voice. ''That's right" said Gilkerson, "plant it deep. p."-Puck.
 Beware of the landlady who merely sskeeps boarders for company" or "because the house is too large" If you have no flesh to lose hunt up some sensible person who makes business of running a boarding house and is not ashamed to say Philadelphia Neaos.
 'sWhat yer chewin' on ?" inquired one boot black of another at the postoffice the other day. ''Gum." ''What else?" 'Terback- er.'' stGot lem both on the same side O yer mouth ?" ''Yum.'' Hike lem that way?" ''WeIl, not overmuch, but it saves half day of chawin'. .''-Detroit Free Press
 Johnny had a little sister who was suffer- ing with the toothache, and her mother put some camphor in it to ease the pain. The young man watched the operation and then went out and told the neighbors that his Sis ter Fannie had moths in her teeth and his mother put camphor in her mouth to drive 'em way.-SteubenUiIle Hea'GLd.
 The son of an old Frenchman married without his fathers consent and without penny to bless himself with. After a brief honeymoon he returned to his fathers house, when the old gentleman addressed him in the following terms: ''Auguste, you read your Bible; ze Bible say man will leave his father and his mother to cleave unto his wife Now you go and cleave unto your wife" He cleve.
 Two boys were discharged from Bridge port factory Saturday. Monday evening they laid in wait for the man who, they believed, caused their discharge, and creeping up be- hind him planted pail half filled with white wash on his head. With the pail over his head and the white fluid running down his prancing form the unfortunate man looked like the ghost of an old knight in helmet. It gave that part of Bridgeport quite a med ieval aspect for moment.-DGn6ua:yN Neaos.
 The following instance of Irish wit saving an Irish neck is vouched for by an old resident of this city. There were at one time during the Irish troubles of the last century thirteen men sentenced to be hanged. The judge sen tenced twelve of them with the usual formu- Ia ending with ''and may God have mercy on your soul," and just he was finishing up the last man in the stereotyped manner, the prisoner in the dock held up his hand and said excitedly: ''Will your honor please omit the last part and not say the prayer, for your honors prayers never made any one prosper yet ?'' He was reprieved, and his wit saved his neck-SG7l FTanctsco Neacs Letter.