Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-11-04
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factory, and | am utterly unable to see
how person of fastidious taste can live
here. 1 say Mr.. Shopkeeper, can you sell
a fellow decent cigar?''
Eyes, sir,'' said the cigar man meeklY.
'.Well, then, fly around lively and do
it,
Don't you see that half dollar?h
eyes, sir. What kind of a cigar do you
wish, sir?"
''What kind?''
Eyes sir.'
"Why, look at me. sir, moment and
see for yourself what kind of cigar would
suit me, . and he drew himself up grandly
and gazed down on the shopkeeper.
The shopkeeper looked and then took in
tffeisalf dollar, got out a cigar and handed
it to the man with 40 cents change aud
said
81 owe you half cent, sir, but L can't
make the change unless you take another
cigar
The nice young mas looked at the shop
keeper, and then at the cigar, and then at
himself and without single word walked
out of the shop.
A LAUGHABLE STORY.--Once upon a
time as the story runs, a man owned par
rot. which, try as he would, he could never
teach to say anything, except, ''There is
no doubt about it,
The gentleman took the parrot to the
fair one day, TO see if he could sell it.
"Who.ll buy my parrot? Only ten dol
lars'
A gentleman passing stopped and look
ed at the bird, and then asked
''Poll, are you worth that much?"
''There is no doubt about it - answered
Poll.
He was very much pleased with the bird
and bought it; and one day, after he fourd
out his mistake, he was standing near the
cage, and he said to himself, out loud
What fool l was to give ten dollors
fer that bird -
''There is no doubt about ltI'' sang out
Poll.
And this time she was right.
Long John Wentworth tells a story
about his stopping at hotel i'll New 1olk
one night, and being kept awake by a man
pacing the floor in the room above. Occa-
sionally he would hear moan of anguish,
and he went up there like Good Samari
tan, to see if he could relieve the sufferer.
My FRIEND" said Long John, gazing
sympathetically at the haggard face of the
stranger. 'what can l do for you9 Are
you ill?''
Mo-
"What ails you then?"
Il have note for $4,000 coming dus
tomorrow. and haven't nickel to pay
it with
'Oh, psilaw," said Long John. ''go to
bed and let the other fellow do the walk
ing
You can't add different things togeth-
err said an Austin school teacher. "lf
you add a sheep and a COW together it does
not make Two sheep Or Two COWS"
A little boy, the son of Texas milkman
held up his hand and SAID:
That may do with sheep and cows, but
if you add quart of nilk and quart Of
waller it makes two quarts of milk. I've
seen it tried.''
In Boston recently, during banking
hours, and with all the clerks present, Il
man stepped behind the counter. walked
to the safe, entered, took up a package
containing 100000, belonging to the
president of the bank, and walked
away with it unmolesJed. The man who
executed this cool proceeding has always
stood high in the community and is We'll
known. He is the president of the pank.
A little girl in Belfast, Me-, dropped her
doll and broke its arm. The doll WaSa ia
vorite one, and the accident WAS to the
Child calamity Of the severeSt nature.
The tears started, the little lips were trem-
bling with grief, when a bright thought
struck her. With d beaming face, she ex-
claimed, Papa, don't know as [ care,
after all. Perhaps it will be put in the
paper.
A Rich financier died the other day in
Paris. He fell down on the Boulevard in
Il LIZ, duu Wdo ChlIlCu 1utU pllfdtG uOuSS.
The inmates, seeing him at the point Of
death, brought crcifix aud held it to his
lips. The old Hebrew stared at the en-
bem with a glazed eye, and with his part
ing breath murmured, 81 can't lend more
than two francs on it,
A clergyman on his way to church one
Sunday was overtaken by a heavy shower
OF ram. On arriving at the vestry, he ex-
claimed, rather impatiently, Il Wish l
were dry!'' 'Never mind" said his col
league, you'll sooD be Ill the pulpit, and
then you will be dry enough"
Said a school teacher: ''If [ have ten
apples, and give you five and your big
brother five, what will be left?'' .sI'll be
left,' responded the younger brother, for
he will get away with all of Them,
A young man in Illinois was so badly
sbung by colony of bees that he couldn't
get married at the time agreed upon, He
had taste OF his honeymoon in advance
Every man who kan swap horses, or
kelc fish, and not lie about it, il lust az
pluz az men ever git III be in this world.
Why is a traveller most likely to miss
the 1850 train? Because it is ten to one |