The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1881-04-29
HUMORs OF THE DAY.

THE hens nre organizing mutual laid
society.
THE bad oyster plays dead open and
shut game.
STRIKING near home = knocking
tramp off your front steps.
IT is much easier to be lovely and ac-
complshed when one is rich.
QUIeKssiIvER Z that which passes
through newspaper office.
RESOLUTIONS are great sticltlers for
ceremony. They all have to be intro
luced.
A CHICAGO editor advertises for a wife
who knows less than he does. Some men
are mighty hard tosuft.
To make a Graham loaf-put him
upon the street corner with cigar in his
mouth. .-Danbuf9' Ne,cs.
SoslE editors bubble over with original
fun which comes from the heart and goes
to the right spot--the paste-pot of their
neighbors.
''Do you drink ?" said temperance re
former to a beggar who had implored
aims of him ''Yes, thank you" re-
turned the candid pauper; ''where shall
we go?'
The man who took a seat in the or
chestra when his ticket was for the sec
ond balcony felt badly in having to
change In fact, he was moved two
tiers"
LADY ''Twenty-fve dollars week.
Isn't that too much p mo, mum; the
Consolidated Servant Girls Union has
forbidden us to wurruk for any less,
mum. PUCK.
JONES is a bad stutterer. He was
abusing Fogg the other day; but Fogg,
who is a brakeman aud is used to such
things, turned away with the remark
that it was only a broken rail.
JOHNNY" said his father, as the boy
took the primal biscuit from the plate,
don't you know that it is impolite to
help yourself before your elders ?"
"Why, papa, mother told me to help
myself before YOU" "What do you
mean. sir Q" asked his father, while his
mother looked up with astonishment de-
picted in every feature. ''Why / heard
mother tell Aunt Hannah that she hoped
l wouldn't take after you, and so 1
| thought L would take my biscuit first. "
''WHY do women so often wander aim
| lessly in the murky solitudes of the dead
past brooding over the days that are
| forever gone 2" asked a young lady of
! practical lover who Is awidower. They
/ don't" he replied. son the contrary,
! they wander around the dry goods stores
of the present, pricing things they have
no idea of buying. Women are not
dreamy or poetical, but when it comes
to getting a 81 hustle for 81. 80 they keep
right up with the procession.
Fogg-"I say, Jones, that dog of
yours gave me an awful fright last night.
AS 1 was passing your house he came
tearing out of the yard, barking and
yelping like all possessed" Jones
"Oh, he won't hurt you, Fogg; he's per-
fectly harmless. Fogg-''Yes, that's
what l told Mrs. T. this morning. He's
perfectly harmless. He began to be
harmless Just after he ran at me last
night. I had my revolver in my pocket.
Good morning, Jones. '-Boston Tran
script
a LITTLE miss, residing not far off,
had got into the naughty habit of not
stating things as they were, or, to put il
plainly, of stating them as they were not.
Rather than reason with her on the
wickedness of lying, her mother one day
took down n New Testament and very
sOlemnly read the story of Ananias anc
Sapphira, and their sudden death, be.
cause they disregarded the truth. The
little lady heard the story through, and
looking up said: Mamma, 1 don't be
lieve it; I've told lots and lots of lies.
What answer could be made. -NelUbuTy
port Herald.