davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1881-06-17
A TltAlN WRECKED.

'E,EAplHa, Jnnp lil.-An Aoritleltt occurred
to tho passenger train Oh tlIu Soin!ylk'll u
l.rlllgh l,allruatt, by EI,loll Charles Mat
tllsws, lirrlua,l, was instantly killed. john
l1erbinc, engineer, jumped froln The englno
ul.l ylIs slightly injured, rllo engno was
completely wreckuil. 1lls ealtse Ut tae aecl,
wis st,ick ul1Sr tho ral. tic other resting Oh
ii,0 opl,osit rall. Suyoral passengers were
slightly Injured,
, 1881-06-17
THE DEADLY FlfO4s

C,SclySAri, g., Juno 1a-chsrles Davis, =
br,kpl,,a,. on the IittIe Maui Road, while
pluklna up u trutu, jumped from cur, hay
Wi1len wi ho reaohsd t6s grould he found bis
foOt fast In frog, aud tho trRih, ln o6e-
dlelcs to Ills signal. coming upon hll& 10
Was crushed to death, i
, 1881-06-17

NEw fol,K, June iU.-A meeting VI tile
trunk llMu Presidents was liclsl. II was the
adjourned meeting Of Friday. 1t was rc.
PORTED TINT thoru was stormy tiHIo. aud whem
tlu nIJourun,ent was tAkgn tho probabilities Of
M adjustment 0E existing difficulties was further
of than over. Fink rcfusutl to ansWor my s.uGs-
tlous IN regard to tho mcot!ug, Or oven aay who
was prokppt.
, 1881-06-17

81. JoltS, N. T.. June lJ.-A dispatch from
BuIl's Coyo states tllat the schooner Il. J.
Hurt, fr0ll St. john to Labrador, with fish
cry supplies, and 1t Iargc number OF people Of
botl, sexes, WAS crushed by leu Tuesday
night ,twenty.tw9 nlles vast ni Me Sa,lt,1easss s
landed mt Lake, tA8h FruilulI shore. The
women anil oAlldrel@ were nlti0st iaakGd.
Vusxula huye buon sont tp convey tham 10
tllis p0It. 'l'he crew saved nothing, bnrely
escaping with their lives.
, 1881-06-17


TutEilu, T., juno Observation-Disclosures
Nut)cr, Ut t'te Toledo. DelptIos IL Burlington
tarroN-uaugc Road, lus issued II circular
ANNOUNCING tile appointment of L. l.. Lomax.
frs,n, tho Iruu MuuntaIn th,al, na General ras.
scnacr anu Ticket Agent Ut tho road. Mr. ".
W. ishudea, whu for tho l,ast Tcw months bus hai
chargn Ut 10th PASSENGER nIEd freight tlcpatt-
lnttta, will herenrtur bc confined to tho litter.
Thts ch1nge has been rendered Unnecessary py tho
exclusion Ut thu llito to Cincinnati And st. Iuu!s.
nud tho attendant large increase OF business.
, 1881-06-17
MQR{uARY.

spselal uispaleA to Tia GAtsseo 1stbsR+.
CsnL,SylxlE, Iil., juno l6.-Willla'a
Cpstcl!u, uu old citizen and wealthy ner-
chant of tlts place, who fell dead 0n tha
streets Of st. Louis yesterday, was buried
here to-day. The statement made by the 1t.
Louis press tlat he was dlsslpatea INN Was
, 1881-06-17
Gowetl, Of Reading Not0riety,
Gets Up nntl l1owls in II
High Key.
He Alleges Bribery and Corruption
Against the Pennsylvania
Company.
More Concerning the Complications Over
East.Dounl and Southwestern
Business.
Railway Legislation for Nav York and
0hlcago-Notes and Personals.

11ttofFta<
.,,.,,, ,a.n,;t, snu"I1t - ~ ts.,e.'n % rr,,.r.
BALrlMolr, a[d.. june 1.i-The rcs'g'ln-
Lu''s .,'... .. -. ov ,v,,,,1 "ns VIA.
Msm.; n'u AT: ~ Wil,'an Aess"', @ ote"1" , t.ee
,aeses ., ane la!.%rs ;.a',. ~ U" ln a'r:a'' M
Joh1l ". 'iafre't. lscs'tleht % tile company:
1oa spsea! lhee,n.R o. the Ao"u s,' u! niree.-
If H.. ","vs,'a,n,l ',n ooi"Is r,'I ~ ia,i L ~,
n,ore,1 in rn1im,n,i mn; cn,,,,u"r"inl rtrcl,.s
tthe, u tt H. arso, u eo'9'e'' ",M t,,er e''uf ~
M.ints c,n;l,nttc,iiy ,t,,nIrI tim r,,,nn,x
Tho &C. ssa.t % ss,tsnl, fur u", simultaneous
resignation Ut t1cso tWo important
nni Highly yatut p)lrjals Of thl. urcat curp,,ra.
!en @ ! !: 10y { ."aitIy E!isT;; II: &eysYr VA j.
MgrssMs9 as "r ny r ly19 R "t ave !c 3 lt'o
It s n "S S.ntI II G9i f a s Is ot ,, ' ,,r ~
yss: H. i :s: a i = s;' f. ::S ssSS'
a t gsc n sls i,, az ~ q. @ ,, W. " ,nr re
S ~ sOf.s yf ~ dr S'Sa' the rf, sa
l: an,s' vloe . ra+t, s Vii; tsks % Mr. KinEs naee,
@S VA % %Sa VI IPsSs A. sssst ss.s !:
tcnt. ''' '''' ~ '''''N0 ''>'''N
New Yot9, Junu it..-Thu srnurt from 3laltt.
moro t';,:ay relative II tue resiXnnsioMnA r. Vt
ca,ts, ;talceS "f ths ialt!,.,urc = nh!n itas!TAy
WV ~ y H. ,,x " tG Il, ts t III y ~ tng III nnIv tr
~ ~, ~ 'un s thn' ~ a sn g.; ~ ,r XII T
TX M!Vi,ths r,ast i,rop tps!rS.is Of resl5ng nil
bis "iiiccs, MT ony ti.c Vioc.I'ses.nSSy ii tic
| Ii,lltlmurn i t]lllu 1lAlwny, lli nlsu tll0 le-
cclycrship 81, tt,o Mnrietln T. ctlclututI
| a'il tt.a Ohlg & Nisaissfrp! Hallway. thu
| twp lhtter helng fur IHort prulltlblu
10 htth pccullurliy tnan thg former. Thu rcns0r
for tils ruslstihtiun was tlAt bis ptyscn'ls hld
iife woul. pMy tho tnrtnIs. y WIS. howevcr.
uiltieratGti ttlat lu Wuu not resign tiull lhv
AttlltlMf niuotiilRli September. at II hp h!s dune
ecssor sllu.ill ltucuIt,r ep.lversl with tho wurk
inss of i,,c r,ud bufOrs tho anl,.ia! sentlnE t,k
piIlcG. 1t wiis i!ut DpIiufe that sr. kuysgr Ind
iusf9ir, but, Us It had bte.,u,., customary lntey
to ttastcnse the twnnNlnes !uynttlor IN llo "prr-
tion ut tho r.tl. this tloubtlcss led ~ tho nsso-
cintlom nf his ,,Aine With thut OF Ut. KlnH III tho
| tUtldrr OF tho realguAtluns
, 1881-06-17
ONO REPUBLICANS,

CotuMnus, o., June tlt-Tle Republican
Stata Ccntral Committee tnct here tu.day,
md elected the following. Executive Con-.
,nittea: Ge0rge X. Nasl,, Jncol, y. Donald-
son, T. Ewing Miller, John F. Ogllvfb, Il. l..
Taylor. d. X. Watson. an.t A!uxnnder Coop
Thls Committee Drgnhlzgl byelect!ME George
X. Nnsll Chalrnall, atld j. G. Donaldson
SnrratarY.
, 1881-06-17
READY FOR UUSlS ESS.
EdSff.tt iNeb.nIHA IA 1ha t.hteat 10 TrttRtf.

SluuX Ciri, H., June lt;.-1he ialiktNn
Line Ut the Milwaukee l. st. Paul HoaA was
ruopnnu.i totuy, tlld III tic morning tho first
train iouycs the ettr fnr Yankton AIrcc tho
rrcut lloud Of March at. bost Of tho sond had
to bu rebuilt.
, 1881-06-17

Special Dtfpatth - 1As cAta.ao Tttsuha
DECATUR ILL.,, Jui,0 tu.-1.ast night Wllt-
Inn +. Su1ttl,, Auditor OF thu Illinois Md
la,ld Hallway Company, had Ills right Leg
brukeu III two places belDw tho knes while
,ittuiuntins to lt,aru atl ettstboantl trstll on
ihu indianapolis, Urcatur " Bprllgacid
llou.l. llu fu!l through d nea!t bslt!Ru befofa
lIe could catcla the tEaill. liz Is !n ova Ut the
inntra1 f10tnl.
, 1881-06-17

MADISON, Wis, june 1a.-Araicies Of nsso-
cintlon were filed In tile Secretary of Statc's
Uiltee tp.dhy uf the Oco,.tU l. Hl.awanO ish!l-
roud. with Il capital stock Of &t0J.00o. The OH
JGIt IL tho construction Ut q railroRd butwaen
thuSu two tuWHS
, 1881-06-17

lallot resulted; Clark, 1oo;. Walker, ale.
ll.1D. Ifendyrtl,ott, Of WapelIo .Caunty,
*aa Illuminated by acclaMatloti for Jn,Igo "
the Snptu1nu Court,
Wnltnr. II. 1Iltlnr. ut 1}clnwnrn County,
lLE fnstrtlGttHl nttGr frti lHttlDt, Il. Which
flin tlalliu Ut tletrEp ". CuliEsOil, Ut Shelby,
developed considerable tt nola majority
Ntttr.
, 1881-06-17
t,ruonious Meeting Of the nepub'
lloan State Central Commit
tco Of Gcorgia.
. More Independent Democrats Will
Receive Republican Support In
Tint State.
\ Prospects, of Healing the Breaoh In
The Ranks Of the Arkansas
Democracy.
IOWA JlEat0t,ilATS.

nr. MnlSl:s. IT,. June 1G.--'rl0 DtlnO-
.,,c state Convention to-.iny was ilnn
.xamtlor,, Tllo nl.l llinss-llnckc,l fossils
r,,r co,'spIeuonsLy absent, nsltl III their
.y,tp tIle best men In tho party. Tller1 VIII
,,rac plcment Ut young mon, but the llla-
iIuP I wus run by the usual n,a,lagers, WHO
,hIt MI their OWL way. Ttle organtzat'ot'
/ tbp Convention alnl the platforM wcro
,r,zrapged. a,Ml nothing WIS permitted to
ayart the pr0grt1n. Tho ticket nominated
romulsrtl Of good Iuen,-belter tliall
II been presented fur su,no tftlae,-
If Prof. ,utnr, of black Hawk, up
Il ,bp Convention when, ntter I'm had 6een
xIa,pd the candidate for Superintendent,
/ declared lle was ptulilbttlonIst, asld
,utsd It 50 distinctly understood. Tho
Vhuan's Christian Temperance Union pre-
sn,cl petition III elegant lanKsnHa aa;tng
IL tsCunvpntion to l,o true to the Drlnocatiu
4,,ue That tho people should rule, aud tle-
s,n fl fayur nf tho submission Of lirt,-
latoty amendment tu thu l,pnpt8 rs Il 1loll-
uhl,a,, question. 1t WIS r1rarrgtt to tho
Committee IN Resolutions, a'd was l,aildett
pNr.'Iohh +. Irish, wlo WIS comtnE for
s1aI to prestl,t tho pn.form. md Ils stuck
hin his pOekct, The platform VIII read,
Tim Mr. Van Aluter. ut l}'nck Hawk, Offered
u,meu,lmu,t tu glvu tho wul,lrn's petition
,&ar;ax, but I,u w,u,
tycuSyiSESvt,y tttoKEp DOWN,
4cj,air I.wlarinr Tint l,c WIS ,,nt In ortter,
r.mph,tuisnts hrlng. an thu pr,tr,ll,,. Thu
nr,hps were entirely otlt Ut tic usual
sAer, the ConklfMa i,.aco III Nuw York and
"a = l..
, 1881-06-17

ptTTsNURG PRINTERS.
Plrrs1,ulsa, June tU.-rl.o difficulties exist
Ing for solno weeks betwGen the Dispatch
artl tho printers in rcgurtl to wages have
lman nln!eahly settled, mud tonight the old
force Of typos are Mt work.
, 1881-06-17

ST. l4uuis, Mo-, June tU.-It Ii reported Oh
'Cl,angu tD@lHy that ois.s or more Eastern
rt'..tts were cutting rites ot wheat and ilonr
to Nun York mud I,uston toaJ coAts por i0u,whlah
Il i cenls lower u New York. und Ceiits uwNr tO
lsost1l than tic latu reduction mu1u by COM
missioner Fink.
, 1881-06-17

UfXclSNArI, Juno lG-TlN Supssule Grat,tt
Lodge OF Orn,gclnvn Ilnally aajonrn6d t0.
tlay, 10 u!uet tip steulIl week In june, 1888.
ut Providence, Il, /.
, 1881-06-17

ctttxcu, rrnrc,ortt,o = fo,v ,1co,lon. f,y,rc,,
.y nxanat II s stanS is oS tt"r o..
i. rattul to aec,.,,iish shu purposes fur
i'"r ii,o rr..lut,,Sn IF eetr t1,o HtaiG 81 I,uis
@ 'S w,tx. , ot t '9 i :s"Iss t.tI, H. 'hss h.
n,usrs ctuttnInim,si of sIor hs a,,y tpru.urnt,iv
ntfcri il, thut ,ilrrstin hit tbat n i,ad tn,rli
s W w, t. sets .R 'sg'sr stu* rssga a ~ ts 10.
t,laints 10 liz i;u,m ssUnces uitl thci ,tIer IL
iho a!!fsad so@toi!us q dfSp .or wt,t9dxays
inasaury 's'Its' Il ibs tonnss" - ta",s ~ a. IN II.
i"wsrs Of ;bu t:v,In,is,!o,. fsrtusriy nxisss
NJ 4 ILL., ss'9 a wssS HofT,S S"s S.r @ bss s
t,i s. MI, q III n ~ av nH is!1sf ad sa az
istact1ry ,tin.,ilcr Thr ,ntics ii Lr performed
WIlI ri.ll,jr I'M TN = nf lin ttnn 1T Oil. int.
lnIsstt,t,If and fn ,,,,,,n,sti;in IL grtt them
rtccivct hy uihur iilu ntrt,.tur. .secrenry 1t
gurvo;r + sl;nIy su urSnin III tSru st. .uu.
c,ir..s hid revcrs tic ia,Ifry Ut ihe Ytlto hy
n'ak,nF ~ nsrs.!ry , %taeors These Places; e
It., ail ca,s,yas.es, t.spucip,iy t,ag TT wb.eh the
nv stI. lo.t IIt 1lysFs t"r ri p. pctsans @ oainv @
importn.t npt,uIntivr ct,s Il, .isr a ti,or rowcr
IND i,atn,navc 10 intl,ltnco Tho result. It this
n0yts and ths prUsGrbial tc,ultTlcy III ts,snt,ra.
Sn. 1 q r X psgs ad II syey y iasi,' y
tl,c Gonll,lss!usl wo,,I buoU,,,c t,t, ost null.
stru,is "n.In., f,r coltroilI,lr noi,t,In,tos and
ho ,nt tbo q III, us s vr kow ~
abuses wu,lld ru.,nIu without ronc.ly. ma rSss
css sTo ~ u e, ses9 y vI mne
iuct Or fayuriiIsul nuntilst TIC Stutu Euri,iet:r
, 1881-06-17

REDUCTION IN FREIGHT RATES.
NEW YoEK, june lG.-Conlnlssiurer Fink
l,ns xfvuu nUtEco that tic seventh an1 ninth
Glass. respectively. and live hous, wnAld be 70.
dllrctl conta per lou pounds from the Nov York
and Chicago baslB.
, 1881-06-17
DISAPPOINTED TtCkET.sCAf.rEtas.
Sttelal Nttrateh % Ts.t fhIk4aa Itlhunk.

DISAPPOINTED TICkETsSCAT
Special tftrateh 10 7h& Chasapc 7'Fihsns.
1T. l+ocls, .]ntu H.-TicEct.scalpcrs are
highly disappointed oser tiio result uf yeatcr-
days meeting Vi tlto Western 'Wcket .lgehts'
Association ut Chicago. They expected that
tile Chicago aitl Kansas rity ,1lr. wtnlU l,e
resturetl 10 The sgslre they brought prior IL
Tie rates war ot lust summer. md, Ncting
l1puit that Impression. refused ~ sell the!r
$U. To.lnY they ioIk l,luc, aild linve phsteti
their ,tsin ptacs4is announcing i've dollar rates
TN fholr lullntIn. boarala. 1htma who hnti MI
opportunity u. utiiuad yesterday Mt HI n1raht-
a9u. and failed tu mukut The tack while tho wind
wnR fnforth!e. nro ururwhestned wilt regrets to-
day. Tho Wgst1rn Association at ttleir ntcHttuX
surprised tho Ef1,kDrA and knockout tho bottom
out Of their ealcllntlons completely by dcciding
10 continue tho four.1ob1Mr rate.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
SDiIker'S Toast.

Mai. Spilker is little man, very fat,
very genial, and with head as devoid
of hair as porcelain doorknob. His
wife, Mrs. Algitha Spilker, is scrawny,
sarcastic and deaf as a sawlog. A per-
son could kick tin bath tub down the
back stairs all night and Mrs. Spilker
would snore like bass horn, in blissful
ignorance of the noise, which proves
that she is rather deaf.
There are two things in the world of
which Mrs. Spilker is very fonda
dinner party and her husband. She
never fails to accept an invitation to one
or to carry the other with her. For the
last twenty years this couple have been
in regular attendance at every party
given by their friends, and on these oc-
casions Maj. SpiIker, when called on for
toast, would always give one to " the
babies in such happy style that it
never failed to create good deal of
mirth. His wife, although she could
not hear word, knew what her hus-
bands toast was, and when he sat down
supplemented it by few appropriate
remarks In which she set forth his fond
ness for babies. Not long since they at
tended a dinner given by friend up
town, and, unfortunately for Maj. Spill
ker and the assembled guests, he
changed his toast without warning his
wife of the fact, who, of course, thought
her husband would confne himself to
his regular subject.
"Now, Maj. Spilker," said Mrs. Bar
ker, the hostess, as the dinner adj
vanced, " it is your turn to give toast,
and pray say something complimentary
to our sex.
"When my charming hostess" said
the Major, rising, requests me to do a
thing, it is my duty to obey. Therefore
/ take pleasure in drinking the health Of
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
A Dealer in RihIes.

"Come in, ;" said the Rev. Mr.. Bob
stock, as rap at the door caused him
to drop blot on haIf-fnished sermon.
The door opened and a man entered.
The corners of his mouth were turned
down as though to give emphasis to his
face. His clothes suggested that he
worked at livery stable in a sUbordi-
nate capacity, and his hat was as i'll
shaped as though it had been tramped
upon by a COW.
j." Well, )" said the Rev. Mr.. Bobstock,
"what can do for you %
The man drew sigh from the bottom
of his being and replied:
81 want a Bible. A few weeks ago I
was prosperous saloon keeper, but,
sir, I prefer poverty and sobriety to af-
fuence and whisky. I gave my saloon
to the widows and orphans, and, sir, a
heavy widow planted harsef behind the
bar and began to deal out the scorpion
as naturally as had ever done. I ex-
pected her to close up the business and
divide the cash, but when | spoke to her
about it she caught me by the looseness
of my raiment, and threw me out. /
never before understood what was
meant by widows might. Now, sir, [
want the book of consolation. You
needn't mind the revised statutes, but
give me old Peter and old Paul. Give
me Bible"
The good minister was much moved
by the poor mans strong appeal,
and, taking down Bible, he presented
it to the pleader. Late in the evening
the minister was standing in a second
hand book store, when man entered
and said to the proprietor
81 have a nice lot of Bibles for you
this time, Cap'n," and he emptied sack
full of books on the floor. Give dol
lars for the lot cost me $3.50"
"My friend, said the minister, care
not you the man who came to my
house this morning and begged me for a
Bible?"
ooh no, sir. I have been in bed all
day with rheumatism. "
How did you collect these books p
"Family relics, sir"
"Didn't you get this book from me ?"
taking up book.
ooh no, sir. That book was given
to my little son by Sunday-school
teacher"
Just then a policeman, accompanied
by three ministers, entered the store.
fHere he is" said one, and the police
man led the book dealer away. He had
called on every minister in the city, and
from each had secured Bible.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29

the ladies-God's best gift to man. The
ladies, who cherish us in prosperity,
soothe us in adversely, and by their ten
der ministerings tighten the burden of
hfe-I drink to the ladies'
When the applause subsidized, Mrs.
Spilker, ignorant of the true subject of
the toast, but glowing with pride and
admiration, said:
"Oh, Mrs. Barker, you don't know
how fond the Major is of them. I've
see him have two or three on his lap at
once and"
"Algitha /" gasped the Major.
"Just teasing the life out of the poor
dear things. He is such favorite with
en- end every chance he gets he is sure
to have EN- in his arms. or be romping
with EN-. He's got the 1oVingest nature
of any man ever saw, and somehow
they come to him when they won't to
any one else"
Maj. Spilker fell back in the chair
with groan, and silence fell on the
party like pile driver.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
Treatment of Women.

From the fall of the Roman empire in
the West to the fourteenth or fifteenth
century, women spent most of their time
alone, almost entirely strangers to the
joys of social life; they seldom went
abroad but to be spectators of such pub
Tic diversions ana amusementS as the
fashions of the times countenanced.
Francis I. was the first who introduced
women on public days to court but be-
fore his time nothing was to be seen III
any OF the courts of Europe but gray
bearded politicians, plotting the destruc-
ton of the rights and liberties Of man
kind, and warriors clad in complete
armor, all ready to put their pl is into
execution. In the thirteenth and foUr-
tenth centuries elegance had scarcely
any existence, and even cleanliness was
hardly considered as laudable. The
use of linen was not known, and the
most delicate of the fair sex wore wooden
underclothing. In Paris they had meat
only three times week and G10 was a
large "portion " for young lady. The
better sort of citizens used splinters of
wood and rags dipped in oil instead of
candles, which in those days were lux
ury rarely met with. Wine was only to
be had at the shops of the apothecaries,
where it was sold as cordial and to
ride in two-wheeled car along the dirty
streets was reckoned a grandeur so en-
viable that Philip the Fair prohibited
the wives of citizens from enjoying it.
In the time OF Henry WILL, Of En-
gland, the peers of the realm car
ried their wives behind them on
horseback when they went to London,
and in the same manner took them back
to their country seats with hoods of
waxed linen over their heads, and
wrapped in mantles of cloth to secure
them from cold.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
ANIMUS OF THE BOURBON SENA.
TORS.

The treatment of Senator Malone by
his Democratic associates is revival of
plantation manners and insolent per-
sonal bulldozing of twenty years ago.
The determined attitude of the North in
Congress, the resolute stand made by
the Northern people, the War of the Re-
bellion, and the respect which that war
engendered for the Northern mudsills,
cooled down this Southern insolenee,
and the crack of the whip has not been
heard for long time, nor the bombastic
threats of the chiyalry. The same policy
of intimidation, bulldozing and ostra-
cism has been brought to bear upon
Senator Malone, and with more than
ordinary insolence, because he happens
to come from that section. The whole
policy of the attack, commenced by Ben
Hill and followed up SO swiftly and
fiercely by the Bourbons, has been to
smirch his personal character. The at
tack has not been made upon political
issues, nor has any g~gument been
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
4 FienaISh JOKE.

think, said well-known orches-
trail leader, 1.-THE best joke ever played
IN this town was on an ambitious anna
teur pianist when Gottschalk was here
The amateurs father was the owner OF
large hall, and he offered the use of is
to Gottschalk for his benefit. There
was to be place for eight pianos, aiissi5,
the amateur was to play one of the in
struments. was leader. I thought
Gottschalk would have Git when / told
him that the amateur couldn't play three
straight notes of the piece.
go He is sure to throw us all out, said
|. and ruin the performance.
"Gottschalk swore like Major, but
twas no good. The bills were out, and
he couldn't go back of his programme,
even if the gift of the hall for the night
was no consideration to him. At last l
hit on an idea that fixed the whole bust
ness, The amateur came down to re-
hearsal. and we praised him up until he
thought he was to be the star OF the
night. As soon as he left we took the
hammers out of his piano and made 1T
dumb as an oyster. L guessed he would
never know the difference, with seven
pianos going atonce. "
The tuneful convention laughed.
"And just as 1 thought" said the
leader, hammering on the table with his
glass, "that amateur or his friends never
discovered the trick"
"No?"
Ono, sir; he just sailed in and
pounded on that piano and if it was the
worst enemy he ever had. He was bound
to show off among so many good plan
lists. and hammered on his keyboard I'M
til the perspiration nearly blinded him.
Now and then / looked at him approx
ingly to give him fresh courage, and
every time that I did he gave the piano
a lick that nearly made matehwood of
i. His friends all around threw bou
queta at him till he looked like we'd
ding arch, aud when twas all over his
fond parent fell on his neck in the green
room and slipped check for $3.50 INTO
his hand. The old man didn't kaoY
whether he was standing on his head or
his heels, he was so tickled, and the
way he set up the wine for the crowd
was caution.
"'Didn't he do fine, said he to me,
'among so many tirst-class professionals,
too?'
"'I never heard an amateur do so we'll
in public, said ], and whats more 1meant
i, ehl Don't you think l was ughtP "
San Francisco Chronicle.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
A Chicago Mans Notification of the
Bible.

A story is going around among the
travelling men, SO thoroughly illustrative
of the push, tear and scramble in the
ordinary business mans character that
it is worth repeating. AS the story
goes, a Chicago Board of Trade man set
out to edo" Europe and the East in
a week or ten days, or such matter. In
youth he had absorbed some New Tesla
ment legends, and felt sudden interest
on arriving in the Holy Land to cross
the Sea of Galilee. The laziness of the
ferryman and the indescribable slowness
of the craft terribly exasperated the
Chicago man, when he testify inquired:
"See here, stranger, how long have
you been runnin' this ferry?"
Forty-fve years, was the placid and
lazy answer.
"Who held it before your" asked
Chicago.
"My father, who ran it fifty years."
was the calm reply.
" Well, how long has this burned
monopoly been in your family, any
how? ?"
Three thousand years." pensively
spoke the ferrynan, as his dreamy gaze
wandered to the palm trees upon the
shore.
"Well, by thunder |" shouted the
Chicago man, with muttering disgust,
" it is no wonder Christ wanted to walk
over - Chicago Tribune.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-29
Short Sermons.

A bad temper defeats the skill Of the
best cook.
Wrinkles disfgure a woman less than
Immature.
He who has nothing to do has no bust
ness to live.
He that fears you present will hate you
absent.
Men acquire acuteness, women are
born with it.
It costs more to ayenge wrongs than
to bear them.
A man used to vicissitudes is not easily
detected.
It is weak and vicious people who cast
the blame on fate.
Search others for their virtues and
thyself for thy vices.
No man has any time to form any
definite idea of eternity.
It is necessary to be almost a genius
to make good husband.
The man who minds his own business
has good steady employment.
The road to home happiness lies over
small stepping-stones. Slight circum-
stances are the stumbling blocks of fam
lies.