Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-02-19
CHOICE CHIT.CHAT
On Moral and Miscellaneous
Matters.


dinner table, and be happy while they
eat. thew would have less dyspepsia and
a more cheerful religion.
There is nothing in the world more
beautiful or more helpful than faithful
friend, and nothing more difficult to
find.
II WAS johnson who wrote:
Ofall wild beasts preserve me from a tyrant;
| OF all tame-a tatteTer
When you look into a mans eyes and
see a scoundrel there are you sure that
il is not matter Of reflection?
The Irish ought to be ABOLISHED pso-
pie, for they meet with hard rubs enough
to polish any nation.
Some one says cruelty that. horses
coat is the gift OF nature, but that an ass
may be made by the tailor.
A large amount Of money entailsgreat
anxiety and care, but many of US would
like to be verv anxious for awhile just
10 see how il feels to have money to take
| care OF.
There are men in the world who never
make use Of their opportunities. They
couldn't weigh the chances OF success II
they had as many scales as fish.
Our agricultural friends are scientifi-
cally discussing the comparative value
of different grains. 1t seems plain
enough, however, that grain OF com.
1 oil ~ hnr HArQala
is the hardest TO buy.
1t is a great pity that some people
grow bitter as they grow old. 1t seems
as though the more teeth they lose the
more they want to bite.
There can be no possible harm in a
good natured laugh. Indeed, it is just
as truly duty to look for the pleasant
side of life, and while looking to laugh
at the rollicking humor which it some
times displays, as it is to see its more
serious and sombre side. The man no
| honestly believes that he is always walk
| ING through a vale of tears either has
| the dyspepsia or else has got hold oil the
wrong end Of religious conviction. The
poet says:
This life Is not all sunshine,
Nor Is IL yet all showers;
But storms and Gains alternate,
As thorns among the flowers
And while we seek the roses,
The thOrns full Oft we scan;
Still let us though they wound us,
BE happy as we can.
Ridicule is very much stronger than
argument. Many man who cant be
overcome by argument can be made, as
the Irishman said, "to stand PROSTATE
before the victor" by sharp turn OF
wit. "W hat want, said very pomp-
Gus debater," is just a grain OF common
sense in this matter" We'll, retOrted
his opponent quickly, sit will require
the efforts OF a special Providence TO
give it TO you"
A lawyer enjoys badgering witness,
but it is not so agreeable when the wit
ness gives his answers IN kind. Hunt
ing bears is good sport, but when the
bear hunts the hunter il looks like car
rying the Joke 30 far, An old witness
was asked in an insulting tone by an
attorney II his memory was good.
ayes" was the reply" on some points
il is extremely accurate, but on others |
must confess that it is defective" will
Won give the Court an illustrator? y said
the lawyer. well" drawled the aged
witness, al clearly remember that ten
wears ago you came to me and borrowed
800, but Tor the life OF me l can't re-
member that You ever paid me-"
II you lose a gold piece there is GER
tain number Of chances that you may
find 1t again; but you lose your char
acter it is easier to build a new one than
10 recover the old one.
Iiacobber is guilty OF the crime OF
marrying two wives it has been decided
bv the highest authority that he must
stick 20 his last.
1t is always hard TO blame yourself
for blunder and always easier to assert
that other people are ignorant than to
confess that you are ignorant yourself.
Judge" said Western lawyer, isn't
e q.u.i the way to spell equinomicalT"
al think So" said the Judge, "but I'll
look it up in Webster's dictionary
| He fumbled over the pages for five min
| utes and then said in heat, "Well, I've
been a Webster man and voted for him
for President; but any man that VIII
write a dictionary and leave out such o
common word as 'cquinomicaP can't
| have nv vote any more.
An affidavit is generally pretty dry
reading, and il there is anything ludl'
crous in it, it must be by accident. The
following, however, is suggestive OF the
possibility Of humor even in law docu'
/ ment:-"1he prisoner set upon mccall
/ ING me an ass, scarecrOw and an idiot
ali OF which certify 10 be true.
When one of those terrible body
snatchers was arralened in court he de
clared to the Judge that there must &c
some mistake for he had done nothing
but "rescue fellow creature from the
grave.
A great many Of US are in the position
of the Irishman, who when told that he
had an upright Judge TO try hlm' re-
piled: "Ah. Biddy, it's not an upright
| Judge want, my darlin, but one thai
will lean a little to my side
We don't call it stealing when We take
what belongs to others, because we eN'
pect 10 return the loan some time and
then forget all about it. The difficulty
with us is that our memory is detective,
not that our morals are bad. A colored
gentleman has the true philosophy Of
this matter, and be puts it into poetical
form, as follows:
! I WASH. stealth when I went and fetched dc
wOyd away,
Forebrry su,k SpSctel nTeturn some odder
| day:
| 90 nights,
Ia ike for you to tell me what's De Use oh equal
fights.
Ifyou strike man with IMMUNITY
there's no special harm in il, but il you
strike him with your fist it's very diff