The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1881-01-28

Women are tlmId creatures, and hate
be left IN house alone at night, SO,
when Mr.. Gallagher went away from
home. leaving his wife with only an ig-
nOrant servant. she was very much wor-
ricd. and readily harkened to the voice
of an agent who called just after Gal
lagher had gone around the corner, and
wanted to sell her "a machine which
would prevent burglars from getting
into the house She bought three.
Those placed at the front and back
doors were so arranged that, when the
door was opened, hammer would strike
down from above and knock down the
person trying to enter. A third contriv-
ance of different pattern was placed on
the stairs aud another at the front win
dow. Gallagher unexpectedly returned
late that night, and, attempting to en-
ter the front door, got a blow on the
nose that knocked him down the steps
into the street. He was both surprised
and annoyed at the circumstance, and,
utterly unable 70 understand it, tried
be door again. Same result He then
thought somebody was behind the door
trying TO assassinate him, and, getting
up very mad, ran around TO the back
door 10 get in that way. Then he got
thump that sent him back into the swill-
barrel, and he was terribly cross when
he got up. He grabbed an AK, and, as
he opened the door again, struck with
it, But he hit nobody, and got
another knock-d down. Then he went
and got a policeman, so that
one could tackle each door, and one be
sure to get in; hut after both had en-
loved three knock-downs they met and
compared notes, and decided that two
men must be in the house. They then
tried the front window, and, raising it, a
deluge of icy water from a hose arranged
to bring it flew upon them. But they
braved that and got in. Then they ran
sacked the lower part of the house, but
could find nobody, and meantime Mrs.
G., upstairs, heard them, and nearly
died Of fright. They started upstairs,
Gallagher first, and near the top a stair,
fixed on a pivot, rolled under Gallagher
and hurled him backward, and he went
to the bottom, taking the policeman
with him. They both yelled, but Gal
laeher yelled the lOudest, and his wife
recognized his voice and his favorite oath.
Her courage returned. She went to the
head of the stairs and cried: flames is
that you?" James was painfully hurt
and awful mad then, and the policeman
was trying to get back the breath Gal
lagher had squashed out of him. "No,"
cried James, "its not me; it's some
other fellow. Jim Gallagher was never
knocked down seventeen times in one
night !" But she knew it was he, and
explained matters. And then Gallagher
gave the policeman so to say nothing
about the matter, and the officer retired;
and then Gallagher jawed his wife for
two hours, and the next day went seven
miles to overtake the man who sold her
the machines and kicked the life nearly
ont of him. He admits that the things
would be dreadfully discouraging to a
burglar, though.-BOStOn Post.
A WRITER tells story he heard the
other day about Mr.. Grierson, the mana
ger of the Great Western Railway. He
was travelling In the same compartment
as a friend of the writer's. The train
drew up at Acton station, when an ener-
getic porter loudly vociferated: 'Hactoni
Hactoni' A little while later the train
stopped at Hanwell, when a porter of
even greater energy than his cOnfrere at
Acton screamed out: "'Anwelll 'Anwellr'
Upon which Mr.. Grierson turned round
to a gentleman he was with, and said;
- You see how difficult it is always to
get the right man in the right place. l
must have that Acton porter brought
here, and send that fellow to Acton, out
of respect both for our passengers and
the Queens English"
A COUNTRY girl at a fashionable hotel
in New York noticed that all the guests
used their forks only in eating their pie.
Upon her return home she reported the
fact to the old lady, who comforted her
by observing, "You shouldn't mind EN-,
Jemima; it's all because they're too
tarnel lazy to use their knives"