Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-02-04
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SPoOPENDYKE AND THE TOWEL
CHOW, my DEAR said Mr.. Spoopendyke,
'sjust wait until wash my face and hands
and I'll be ready" and Mr.. Spoorendyke
plunged his fists into the basin and began
polishing his face with soap. Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke primped around before the glass,
putting on the finishing touches. For the
worthy couple were getting ready for the
theatre.
Observation-Disclosures the towel?''
gasped Mr.. Spoopendyke, holding his head
down and clawing around with both hands.
stWhat-what's become of the towel p he
spluttered, rasping handsful of soap out OF
his eyes.
Mrs. Spoopendyke glanced at the rack
and saw that the towel was gone.
81 don't believe there's towel up here -
she commenced.
''What dye suppose I'm going to do?'
howled Mr.. Spoopendyke. 'sThink I'm
going to the theatre looking like soda
water fountain? Gimme something to
wipe on, will We? bod CAST the soap, I've
got my mouth full! Amt ye going to get
towel9 Going to let me hang out and
dry like an undershirtp"
'Wait and I'll ring for one,'' said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, toIling away at the bell. BE
patient moment.
''How's a man going to be patient with
his eyes full of soap? What dye mean by
keeping house like this? Think Pm to
stand around here till winter, then freeze
up? Gimme something to wipe on. Give
me door. Tear up carpet. Gimme
shirt Where's the bed-spread? bod CAST
this measly soap!'' and Mr.. Spoopendyke
tore tie shams off the pillows, but beng
smooth they slid around on bis visage as
though they were skates.
what am / going to do with these?' he
yelled, 81 won't be dry in four months
and he grasped the sheet aad rubbed his
eyes as though he were polishing silver.
''Ain't you got something coarse?" and
he hauled the flannel blankets off and got
the wool IN his mouth, and finally he
emerged with great globes, of soap hang
ing to his forehead and chin.
Never mind, DEAR" consoed Mrs.
Spoopendyke. 'sY GU re all right Take
Ills uduuktICUlcl duu wipe SOut ldCc.
s'Oh! I'm all right, amt I?'' raved Mr.
Spoopenkyke. you've only got to say so,
and anything is all right. Some day IL.
sew your heels to your head aud hang you
over roller. Look at that chin. Is that
all right? See that eye. Think that's all
right? I'll GO to bed and wait for a tow
ell and he spun around like top and
turned over the centre table.
''Why, here. " said Mrs. Spoopendyke.-
s'What's this2" and she united the towel |
and took it off his neck. GU must have |
put it there when you were shaving, and |
Mrs. Spcopendyke smiled sweetly as her
lord growled away through the rest of his
aoilet.-Brookly,s Eagle.
Sab, that's what like! that's what l |
like.o chirped old Mr.. WhistlebIossonl, as
he came carefully down the hill where the |
boys were exercising their sleds. .'If
there's anything 1 really love it's to see
the boys, full of animal spirits, enjoying |
these wintry sports.'' And just at that |
instant hundred and fifty pounds of ami |
NAL spirits came dashing down the road on |
a double-runner and caught the unsus-
pecting Mr.. Whistleblossom between the
heels. There was a sound of revelry by |
night, and when they picked up the unfor
tunate gentleman, and had pinned together
the ruptured back of his coat, he remark
ed, in tone SO gentle that it made him
quite black in the face, that the city gov
eminent which would refuse to pass law
making it reform school crime to slide
on the streets were set of pusillanimous
Yahoos.
A Hiberian switchtender who saw a
train coming in on time said, ''You are
first at last, and you were always behind
before.n This is considered as a made-up
story. But yesterday fairly intelligent
man. who had very bad colds met anoth-
or gentleman on che street and said, II
.uauld rather be at work than to be sick at
hone, although, to tell the truth, this
mornsng started out to stay in bed.''
Jones calls his wife sold Pie'' because
she is SO crusty.