Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1881-08-13
HITTISCISSORs.

one.
tov-ide SHOES are best for sea-bathing
wear.
Il takes a man with a vel Unbalanced head
TO keep on good terms with a bicyc'e
There is one good thing about q boy when
a circus is in ,Own-you Know whercto look
for him.
70; YOU cannot ctttta:e a mans sight
by throwing dirt into his eyes. You see,
ITS not a fertile eye, sir.
In Persia they bottle up their tears. In
This country tears are also found i'm bot
tcs, but they are not pronounced that way.
There are eighty-two thousands diH5rent
kinds of plants, including the two-lcggeo
variety at street corners.
Why DO girls kiss each other while men
do not d? Because girls have nothing better
90 kiss and men have.
To dance well, a msn should know. rs
little as possible OF everything else. He
Fan balance partners better If his hair Is
parted ia the middle.
\ love sick girl who had married against
her fathers wishes. canc back after the first
c%onjugal it'd. Kill the prodigal," ex-
claimed the father, " the calf has returned"
us well to quote the ccrs,s number
TO show the -ccatuc>, of a%nation
But better VET tnt green cucCmbct
To double zap the population.
NO kiss" hc said. dcspor@in~lv "t0
kiss from my darling To- night No"
lha eufI orrrN.fr..II, a.. H.. I.,-
that there Is mumps in your family
No person wants straw spelled backwards
on the end of his nose Waterloo O5Scrrer.
But too many straWs near theend of aman's
nose is apt TO give. him "a backward spell.
4 fashionable congregation in New York
did not know whether % be pleased or not
when the other SUNDAY its preacher said,
And there viii stand Sltru with q gilt
sdged sword.
What are your politics. the chaplain
Of the Iowa penitentiary asked an intclli-
gent looking convict. 81 have not come
ont for anybody yet" replied the convict,
gazing plgcidly through the bars.
Darwin illustrated: As Brown jumped
out Of reach of one of the big apes 40 the
AlANNNf AllaN NAlNNhA Au lMNlNAIIiAlf NAN~NAN 10
sample his flesh, said Fogg: I've always
hesrd that man spiang from the monkey
aud now / know it,
The worst case Of s,ammcring may be
cured i'm four months hy simply not speak
ing 10 al during that time. IL Is reported
that % woman has tried It,. However, if q
woman has held her tongue for four months
SIC can 10 anything.
Ninety in the shade: To Mr.. II. Vcnuor.
Carada: Dear Sir: If You have such q
thing as a bc,+tcd snow storm lying around
loose, please forward at once, C.. O. d., and
Oblige yours. etc. L. S.-Put q small chunk
of blizzard in it.
4 nc~iy-dcqdifcd nabis: Took heah
Uncle Nose YOU fooled me wild dat ar boss
I buycd from yer last week. lie lest drapt
dead in his tracks "He nebbcr drapt
dead In his tracks or anywhar else IS long
as had him, g0in' ou twenty years
a Cincinnati man who had adyertised for
a boy asked one of the applicants if he had
now I've finished" "Uut-fnishcd-
What do YOU mesn bv thas?' "Wcu.I can
take nay fifteen lce-- q doy without feeling
IT,"
"Don'tyou think am acomet, mammal"
asked a fye-ycar-old bub the other evening,
as he stood ON his head and. with his night
robe forming % halo ab0u, his neck. " Gc>i
do, she replied. and then proceeded to as
certain his Pcr'hclion with the aid of q
slipper.
The creditors Of Mrs. Howc's Ladies.
Deposit I'm Boston viii receive five cents ON
,he dollar. This viii be something of q
disappointment 10 the creditors, as they
were led % believe when depoSitiug their
money, that they would receive FIVE dollar,
- she e
Here's a positive fact that 6cc5fFed in
one of the public schools in this city re-
Gently: 4 small boy WAS asked % name
some part of his own body. lie thought
for a moment and then replied Bowels,
which are five ina number, @, ], @, u, and
sometimes W snd ~
4 hosse painter th5 IS at work ON q
s~calOldine three stories irow tine ground
falls from it upon the sidewalk, where D,
lies limp and apparently i%iielcSs. 4 crowd
OF benevolent folks surround him AID labor
With him ill his pulse RETURNS srA his eye
lids begin 90 lutter, when good samaritan
places = glass; of water to his lips. The SUIT
ierer llcehlf1 How mary tories has q
fellow got 20 I'm i-this ward before he get,
brandy, durn ycf
Or. tosA. of New Orleans, who Is some
thing of q wac. called o- @ co,orcd minis.
Ter and propouulcd q few pUzzljug qUcs-
ions. " Why is it, said he, that YOU
Arc mot ablo Ia do fho miracles that rf% ~