The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-03-31
AN INTERESTING INVALID,
Mr.. spoopendyke's Narrow Escape from th
Silent tmb.

"Why, what's the matter, my dear ?"
cried Mrs. Spoopendyke, as Mr.. Spoop-
endyke limped into the room and drop
ped into a chair. "What on earth has
happened to you?"
'I fell down and killed myself,"
moaned Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Now? where ~ asked Mrs Spoopen-
dyke, bustling around him, all nervous
ness. GLOW did you do it p
"Slipped on the ice and broke my arm
from head to foot" sighed CIR. Spoopen-
dyke, family.
''Great gracious" calculated Mrs.
Spoopeudyke. whereabouts where
did it happen ?'
"Out doors, dod gast it Where dye
s'pose 1 did it? Think brought the
ice in the house and laid down on it :?
Oh, dear I'll never get my clothes off
again. I've got to sit here and die ;"
and Mr.. Spoopendyke leaned back in
the chair and closed his eyes with resig-
nation.
"I'll help you off with your hat and
overcoat," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, ten
derly. "Let me help you"
''Be very careful arout taking off my
hat," said Mr.. Spoopendyke, rousing up.
"Take it off easy, or you'll hurt my ell
bow. Pull the left arm of my overcoat
down, so it will slip off--What we do
ing? Trying to skin me ? That sleeves
full of broken bones, tell We. Now
help me to chair. l knew [ must 90
sometime, but l never expected to die
so suddenly as this" and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke lifted his sprained arm and drop
ped it again, to see if there was any
animation left in his system.
"Can't do something for you dear ?"
said Mrs. Spoopendyke, with fearful
eyes.
eff you could sing q hymn without
starting the cats, it might make my last
minutes more peaceful" replied Mr.
Spoopendyke, putting his feet on a
chair and composing himself for disso-
luton.
"You'd better let me attend to your
arm,' recommended Mrs. Spoopendyke.
''If it is badly sprained, you ought to
have something on it."
''Didn't 1 tell We it was broken? Just
got curiosity to see, haven't ye? Can't
wait for the post mortem, can We? Go
ahead. Do what you please. In a lit
tie while I'll be beyond pain. Just take
and do what you like with it," and Mr..
Spoopendyke stuck the manned arm out
straight and waved it around like a
ham.
eff you let me rotate it little, and
then bind it mp with aTnica, you'll be all
right in an hour" cried Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, affectionately.
"Rotate it. then" murmured Mr..
Spoopendyke. 81 don't suppose it will
make much difference to my estate.
Take it down in the kitchen and rotate
it. You might--hold on, dod CAST it /!
What dye think 1 ana pump? Got
an idea I'm clock ? Let go that arm,
will YEP" and Mr.. Spoopendyke pranced
around the room "Oh! you're a sur
geon, you are. All you want is buck
saw and a broken balustrade to be a
medical college. Going to pull it ont
by the roots? S'pose that's tooth? 1t
isn't, it's an arm, and it's busted like a
torpedo p and Mr.. Spoopendyke, who
had been brandishing the injured mem
Der, began to stroke his shoulder and
sympathize with himself.
"Let me bathe it i'll arnica," said Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "That's the best thing
in the world. Just let me turn up Your
shirt sleeve and I'll fix it in minute. -"
Every good,' said Mr.. Spoopendyke
81 don't suppose it will do any harm to
hurry matters. Is my dress suit all
brushed ? Have | got shirt with a
button on the back TO be buried in
Have | got pair of socks that my i'm
mortal soul won't shine through the toes
of? Cause, if L haven't, ye'd better use
some of Your measly arnica on my
clothes. If you think I'm going into
the tomb all covered with grease. and
my shirt tapping around on me like
was a clothes HAe, you're mistaken,
that's all" and Mr.. Spoopendyke eyed
his wife gloomily, while she prepared to
lave his sprained shoulder. "Will you
-, put me in a casket?" he moaned as she
began operations.
%'Yes, dear" replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. Mr.. Spoopendyke regarded his
wife with one eye, and grunted feebly.
" And you'll put on silver plate with
my 3ame and age, and geta few flowers :?
You don't want many. 1 shant miss
'em if there amt more'n six. VIII you
attend to it? ?"
eyes," answered Mrs. Spoopendyke,
'Tll see that you have lots of flowers
and big fun"
81 don't want any big funeral. Sup
pose Tn being cut off in the midst of
my usefulness Just because funerals are
cheap? Have you got a clean handker-
chief to put in my pocket when I'm
dead ?"
Certainly, DEAR" replied Mrs. Spoop-
endyke; and having thoroughly bathed
the arm, she bandaged it carefully.
"Don't you feel better?"
"Perhaps if it We're amputated in time
1 might get WE'LL" reioined Mr.. Spoop
endyke, hitching his arm around to see
if he could find a pain anywhere
"What kind of a cravat have l got to
wear in case of-in the event of-the
worst ?" and Mr., Spoopendyke approach
ed the climax of his question as becomes
q man who shrinks from the inevitable
"The one you've got on will do, won't
it?' inquired Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"No, it won't either. Is that all I've
got ? Expect I'm going to be buried
among strangers in od-gasted necktie
that won't hold together four days long
er? Calculate that I'm going to the
promised land as though was hunting
for a job? Want me to prowl around
among the late lamented as though I'd
busted up in business? Think I'm a
measly tramp ?" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
tore off the tie and stamped ON it, and
then dove into the bed.
"Osn'b you bring up my breakfast ?"