Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-12
The SkidmOre Butter.
[San Francisco Post.]

The affable and gentlemanly proprietor
of one of our leading hotels had just fin
ished his first forty winks after retiring
the other night, when he was conscious Of
a slight noise under the bed''
"COme out of that or I'll blow you full
of Sutro tunnels" he shouted, as he sat
up in bed and cooked his revolver
''HOld hard! Pm cOming!' said the
concealed party, scrambling from under
the bed 1t was too dark to see clearly,
shadowy form arise and lean affably over
the footboard.
"What the blanknation are you doing
theref' roared the incensed steak
stretcher.
get excited" said the intruder, blandly.
ats all your fault
"What the blaZes do you mean?"
"Why, I've been trying-my name is
Sliggs, agent for Slushington g. Slazey,
you for two weeks. Wanted to show you
your business
ssDon't want to see any agents. But
what the devil do you mean by"
II was just going to EXPLAIN inter
rupted the cheeky customer. 81 deter
mined to see you at any risk, so just hid
under the bed. You see wanted to get
at you when you had nothing to bother
you. Plenty of time to talk to you; you
understand
"Well, of all the gall"
81 won't detaia you minute" hastily
continued the agent. ~ am trying to
and
"We've arranged for all the oleomar-
garine we WANT growled the hash
server.
"But this is another article entirely 1t
is composition of seml:liquid rubber,
colored and manipulated so as to exactly
resemble the best clover fed butter. By
its use the boarder of the period can be
brought so as to eat no butter at ALL"
"Don't believe it," said the dyspepsia
aggravator, incredulously.
"But it is a fact all the same" went on
the agent, sitting on the footbOard, and
| lighting a cigarette you see, the
guest puts his knife into the butter, and
proceeds to butter his bread. That is, he
| thinks he does, for the rubber merely
yields to the pressure of the knife. In
stead of the portion being removed, it
really slides back to the original roll as
he withdraws his knife The boarder
| imagineS he has spread the bread, how
ever, and eats it contentedly. You know
how much imagination has to do with
these things, anyway
| "Big money saved if the thing really
worked unused the landlord.
"But it does work. persisted Mr..
'Sliggs 'There are twenty-six restau-
raunts and four large hotels using it in
Chicago. Big success, too. Doesn't give
the bread that peculiar-ahem!-p
wheel greasy flavor of regular hotel but
ter Besides there are no hairs and
things. If it wasn't so dark, I'd show
you a sample that's been in use over eight
months. All you have to do Is to freshen
it up with little water and a wooden
| die once a month, and there you are.''
'1'll think over it, said the great
American extra" charger, thoughtfully.
"Do so, and I'll see you in the morn
! ing" and after tucking the covers around
the landlords feet and bidding him a
CHEEKY, goodnight the butter agent IN
| locked the door slid out
Instead of inspecting the new boon to
| tavern keepers the next morning, howev-
| er, the hotel man put in the time writing
an advertisement for the papers to the
| effect that if the sneak thief who stole
| four seal rings, a set of diamond studs, six
scarf pins, pair sleeve buttons, gold watch
and fifty-two dollars in coin from a room
in the hotel, would return the jeweiry,
| he could keep the money and no questions
| asked.