The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1881-05-12
UNREASON IN MARRIAGE.
A Singular Inconsistency Between Snook's
Ideal Of q Wife and Real Mrs. SnoOks.
From the Nc,c York Times.

Singular 1nsonsisteney Between snooks
From the Nc,c York Times.
It is often said that many a man is very
fond of women whom he is unwilling 10
marry. The saying is partially true,
though no truer than its converse-that
many man is willing to marry wo.
man, of whom he is not very fond, or,
indeed, not fond at all. The idea indi.
Gated is that a man may enjoy the society
of woman, and love to hirt with her,
and yet be afraid, from prudential mo-
tives, to make her his wife. This fire.
quently happens, but far less frequently
than might be thought; and, when it
happens, the man is cautious and inclined
to reflect on the subject of his affections
and afinities. But marriage generally
has little to do with reason-probably
because it ought to have so much to do
with it-being determined, for the most
part, by instinct, impulse, passion. AS
rule, doubtless, man will marry a
woman with whom he is habitually
thrown in contact when there is no great
disparity of years or circumstances be-.
tween them, and when she knows how to
humor his egotism.
The old fashioned notion that men look
with totally different eye on woman
when they want wife from what they
look on women generally, cannot be sus-
tained. Albeit there are men ever in
quest of connubial partner, the mass of
them get such partner without search.
ing for her. They are very apt to be
surprised into matrimony, or, at least,
into matrimonial intents-provided, of
course, that the matter be not taken out
of their hands by the woman herself.
No man is so likely to become engaged
as he who is persuaded that he will never
be. he is so prepared on one side for
circumstances of g certain kind that he
is wholly unguarded on the other side for
circumstances Of an opposite kind. At
the very moment that he is confident of
everlasting celibacy, that be is rejoicing
over his freedom, a sudden SHIFT in a
sentimental environment, a word, blush,
a tear, q caress, decides his doom.
What kind of woman is man most
likely to marry? A general answer
might be, any kind Of a woman, the kind
being largely determined by contiguity
and opportunity. A popular notion is
that she who is prudent, conventional,
domestic, has the best coujugal pros
poets; while she who is indiscreet, obedi.
ent to impulse, fond of pleasure, has the
worst prospects. Ancient spinsters noted
for primness, and matrons of the solemn
order, incline to tell light hearted, roll
licking girls that they are throwing away
good chances that marrying men are
deferred by their giddiness from serious
consideration Of the main subject. These
are drawn, it is asserted, to industrious,
demure, unworldly maidens, who show at
glunce that they are matrimonlally
foreordained. AS a theory this may be
specious, but facts do not bear it out
the contrary, rather. Men prone to CO.
operative housekeeping approve OF the
industrious, demure, unworldly creatures; (;
they think they would make excellent
wives, and wonder why some other man
does not marry them. But they seldom
marry such women themselves.
Why don't they? They could not tell
if they should try. They know, however,
that they don't, and that they don't want
to. There seems to be two sorts of girls
those that ought, because specially fit,
to be married, and never are married, and
those that never should and never will
be, and yet invariably get married. The
former are usually the demure, industri-
Gus, unworldly, domestic; the latter are
the easy, careless, merry, imprudent,
frolicksome, saucy girls, for whom men
become enamored for no reason at all,
and in spite of themselves. When a
man falls in love, and cannot climb out
readily, he avails himself of marriage,
and is often extricated thereby without
intending it. He is no more logical in
matrimony than in celibacy the same
thing that makes him lover turns him
into q husband, and he is thrice blessed
if he does not discover u sharp and sud-
den difference between the two. 1t is
passion, not reason, and is called the
divine passion because it is so thoroughly
human.
Men generally like one kind of women
and love another kind. The one kind
they are commonly recommended to wed,
and don't; the other kind they are ad-
vised not to wed, and do. Which is the
better-to take wife because you like
her, or to take wife because you love
her. Hymcn alone knows. and he won't
tell. If you do either or neither, you
may repent. There is no absolute safety
in wedlock or out Of it. No mans ex.
perience is good for another man, and
our own experience in erotic affairs is
rarely valuable; for every time a man
falls in love-and he has great alacrity
in this way-the accident varies, though
the effect is unaltered. No man can say
what sort of woman will be his wife /;
and if he be wise he won't express any
opinion on the subject. He may cherish
many views and have many beliefs there.
upon, but the more of these he has the
less likely they are to be confirmed. he
who insists in his bachelor days, that bis
wife shall be beauty, is apt to find her
plain. He who cannot endure a woman
without intellect surrenders to one never
suspected of it, The devotee of order
discovers himself mated with the en-
bodiment of confusion. The stickler for
elegance sees, when the glamour Of court.
ship has been removed, that he is Joined
to q dowdy.
Marriage goes, to a certain extent, by
contrasts, if not by contraries. A wo-
man, still less than man, gets the hus-
band she paints to her fancy. Her con-
nubial ideas are commonly regulated by
her age and experience. The man she
desires at l6 or II would be a burden at
20, and her ideal at 90 might prove a
bore at 25. She begins with sentimentism
and ends with soberness; vanity impels
her first, but sympathy holds her last. Las!
She is frequently surprised at the offers
she receives, and still more surprised at
the offers she does not receive. The love
that comes at first sight rarely remains /;
it is apt to be born Of the eye, not of the
temperament. The love that grows gen.