The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1881-03-03


because they put on TO many airs Phila
delphia Chronicle-Herald.
A Rochester lady remarks Indignantly I
her grocer that she has had all the windfal
potato she wants. Einirs FREQ Press.
"John," said Mr.. Snob, "send o plumbe
up to the house to-day. I'll let folks know
I'm wealthy and able TO afford luxuries."-
Boston Post.
A womsn in Michigan had her ear s.
badly ffozon that ii dropped of. This styl
OF esrdrop is not likely 10 become popular
lSteubenville Herald.
A very pIous man, who never read any
thing but The Bible sud would not touch
wicked newspaper, is dead. He came to III
city and blew out the gas.
When woman leaves a man who hs
not earned his salt for years. he immedatel,
advertises that he will pay no debts of hel
contrscting.-[ Philadelphia News.
Is womans highest sphere of duty st ia,
cradle or ~ the ballot box? is the question
agitstiDg the public mind. Barker SAYS i
depends upon which she can illl the better
= Boston Globe.
AMercenary marriages, which result as They
should, in divorce, may be compared like
adiectives, as follows; Positive money, co NJ
psrative, matrimony; superlative, alimony.--
lSteubenvilie Herald.
A conlented mind-Lsdy; "They tell me
your cow never gives any milk, Betty" Old
Betty: mo, mum, she don't give hardly
any; but, bless FER cart, SHELF eat as much as
two O. them good mixers. - London Fun
Lecture upon the rhinoceros--P Professor
81 must beg you to give me your undivided
attention. 1t is absolutely impossible that
you can form true idea of this hidoous
animal, unless you keep your eyes fixed on
NO.
A fashionable young lady was seen black.
ing her brothers boots the other morning,
and the next day she helped do the family
washing, 1t is thought she is fitting herself
TO become the wife of an Italian count
[Puc6.
The habits Of American girls mqrrying
Italian counts has slackoued up little OF
late. A life Of following around hand
organ and passing the tambourine for PEN
MES IS not Ms attractive rs ever Turner's
Falls Reporter.
A Psriaian enters poor restaurant and
dimes badly. LII settling up ho SAYS TO the
owner: "Desr sir, embrace me-" "Hup.
embrace You" ho saye in astonishmant,
why, yes, for really believe We shall never
SEQ each other again"
There is woman on West Hill whose
husband is so given to flirting that when
they go 10 concerts, theatres or parties, she
puts binders on him. Then she can see
him every time lie turns bis head to look at a
girl Burlington Hawkeye.
Tho forests of this county must be pre-.
served, and while We all feel thst way it
does look particularly bad to see a woman
working np an old knot in the back yard
with huebsnd snd two hulks Of bows toast.
Ing their shins i'll tho Kitchen Detroit Free
Press.
"Tbe land, my friends" said an Irish
orator the other day at . meeting, "has be.
lopged to The people from the days of Adam"
"Adem, indeed !" replied y voice in the
crowd, do not speak Of ha; he gas evicled
from the garden Of Eden withous compea-
saiion"
Little Grace has been tsught many eecu.
lar nursery songs, but the other dav her
mother tried to teach her something more
religious. She began with the song, ',Jesus'
precious little lamb,n hut was CORRECTED bv
the child, who SAID, "No, manma, it's MARY
had little lsmb"
Goibolard argued tho other day thst the
moon was more useful team tho sun. When
asked his reason, he remarked: "Why.
there's no question about it. See here, the
sun comes during the daylight, and Is of no
use Whatever; while the moon comes during
the night and makes it light"
A Utica Clergyman, in lecture on allow
TO set Married" said, "cyery man wants n
wife, and every woman wants o husband"
But the great difficulty, Mr.. Clergyman. is
That the woman tho man wants won't hive
him, and the man the woman wants wants
another woman. Or somehow that way
lSorristown Herald.
Over twenty-five billion tons of rain fall in
England last year. We did't weigh Il. We
take the word Of sn English journal for Il
We would rsther take it: word than 10 take
O par OF scales and weigh all tn, rain that
fell in England last year. 1t would bo loss
onorous end quite ss.satisfactory. TBing.
hampton Republican.
Gus Boynton is one of the fashionable
young men, and boards at one of the frat
ho.els. he was talking with some friends
the other day, when he pulled out his watch
and said: 'lve got to 90 over 10 the botp;
and get dinner" Got 10 get dinner. have
you? What do you ges mon,h IS eSc,, qS
asked 3 friend who has no t3e for Gu1.-
Galveston News.
On Wednesday pight, about s o'clock seys
the Rochester Democrat, an inebriated man
was observed holding himself up by means
on lamp-post on a prominent street This
lnmp-post hsd on il p mail box and TIM man
had apparently stood there for some time. A
reporter mad occasion TO pass the man, and
remarked: hello, thore, whats the nstterY,
"Well," said the man, T--hic--put five
cents in Che box hero hslr an hour ago and
shis car ain'I started yo'"
There is on old but very good anecdoto Of
Dr. Aoorcrombie, once on eminent physicis,
.of London, who, as Is often tho case with
omlnent physicians, was brusque end over
heSring in manner Among his office pa.
llen's one morning was gentleman who,
after occupying exactly FIVE minutes CT the
great mans time, took q ten-dollar note from
hit pocket and inquired the Amount of tho
fsdi Fifty dollars" said the Impatient
MEDICAL man. The patient demurred q little.
whareupon the physician rudely remarked,
"Weil, wba. do you expect to payi Give
mo Yhst you have got" and on receiving the
ten Gollar bill turned scorntuly 10 b;s
servant and handing him tho money 70.
markt b: "This is for you, JIM" bu. lost his
tempg httill more when his patient coolly
said: Vdid not know before that you had u