The daily gazette. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1874-1883, 1881-05-07

He Thinks He.Sees the Comet which
In TO Destroy the World.

He Thinks He.Sees the Comet which
| In TO Destroy the World.
Professor Proctor, having asserted
that the appearance of another come
this year would give serious gror nd!
for Rpprehending the end ofthe world, {
| Star represen at We asked him what he
| meant.
81 mean precisely what l have SAID
sir" replied the Professor.
"But Professor Swift Of Rochester bas
discovered comet since your prediction
| and still the earth remains Intact.
"That is all well enough" said the
Professor "but you must bear in mind
that the comet which Professor Swift
discovered is very small one"
"Hegot 5000 for it,"
"True enough but what OF that
What does 5000 comet amount to, I'd
like to know? You couldn't buy the
kind of a comet l mean for ten times
that amt unit. They're not to be had"
As he said this the Professor rolled up
his eyes toward the sky and rubbed his
hands as much as 10 say off l had a
ladder long enough I'D climb up there
and pull whole arnful OF comets In
five minutes"
"What is your reason" asked the re-
porter, "ior believing that comet or any
number OF comets would destroy the
world"
What foolish question + exclaimed
the Professor. Everybody who knows
anything about astronomy must know
that these comets have been crowding
into space until there is no more room
for them. Now they've got to fall some
where, and il there isn't accommodation
anywhere else, they've got to come right
down here, and when they do people
will have to stand around, that's ALL"
''otill, that is no argument tnat the
end OF the world is at hand"
Suppose, said the Professor, 81
were TO pick up half ton of pig iron
aud hit you on the head with it, what
would become of you ?"
"You had better not, SIR" said the
reporter, moving off little.
'Oh, that's all right" said the Pro
lessor OF course, did, mt mean to do
anything of the kind, but simply to
bring an illustration before your mind.
For instance, if, as l said before, l
were to bit you over the head with half
ton of pig iron, or cast iron, or, in
fact, a half ton Of anything, think it
not overestimating the consequences
to say chat there wouldn't be enough
left of you to hold respectable funeral
service over. So it would be with the
earth if one Of those large comets were
to hit it in the middle and am Just
as convinced that one Of them vii be-
fore very long as that my name is Pro-
lessor Proctor. If there is anything
that comet likes it is a nice soft place
in which to lay down and be comforta-
BILE, and if you can suggest any softer
place than this globe of ours I'd like
to hear of it. However, it makes little
difference to me what people think of
the matter, but, as far as | am per-
sonally concerned, ! have no more
doubt that the end of the world is at
hand than have of my own exist
ence."
The Professor shuddered at his own
words, and then pulled small telc-
scope out of his coat pocket aud eyed
the heavens nervously.
II wouldn't want anybody to bet me
a spring hat against ferry ticket that
| don't see it now p he exclaimed,
getting very pale"
"That you don't see what ?" asked
the reporter, looking through the OPP
posite end of the telescope.
Goodness gracious" gasped the
Professor, "was that your head l was
looking at ?"
The Professor jammed his instru-
ment into his hat and the reporter
FASTENED up to the Office to get his
salary.