The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-01-01

come down to breakfast"
(William doesn't hoar.) Father Ga
| few moments later
| "Bill !"
William (springlng out Of bed)-
"Coning, sir ~
AN East Boston father discovered
that his daughter, who has soul for
romance proposed to el0pc. And he
didn't sit up with ball dog and shotgun
to waylay the fugilives. Oh, mol lie
went to his daughter and told her he
desired her TO marry II young man,
naming her lover, and he would sot
him up IN good paying grocery bust
clarcd she'd die rather than marty any
man just to please her t4.her.
a sAD-LooKING man went Into a
Burlington drug store. "Can you give
me-" he asked "something that will
take from my mind the thoughts of sor-
row and bitter recolIections ?" And
tho druggist nodded and put hIm up a
little dose Of quinine and wormood and
rhubarb and epson salts and dish of
castor oil, and gave it to him, and for
six mont IS the man couldn't think of
anything in the world except new
schemes Tor getting the taste out OF his
mouth.
W HEN Il young lady Tipped into a
musi" store tho other day AMI asked
| the Dashful clerk In attendance for
'"Two kissos," he jummed on his hat
and rushed out Of The back door. The
| clerk, never having heard Of the piece
Of music. thought he was the victim OF
loap year proposal, and his salary
wa, not large enough to support two.
He packed his va.iso in his bedroom
| then carefully raised the sash, and at
tachcd to the woll-wOrn handle the end
OF long whiE-lash. Softly he lowered
the treasure. and thought how the
landlord would swear when lie arose
in the morning and found that his man
was not there, Slowly the valise de-
| cended into the darkness Of night, " hen
the voice Of the landlord shouted :
"Let 20, l'vc got it all right"
| a DIAGNOSIS of the disease reveals
| the TACT thaLa schoolboy's toothucho
generally begins at A. NJ, reaches its
| highest altitude at quarter to nine,
when tho pain Is intense; begins 10 sub
side at 0,rnd after thai disappears with n
| celebrity That must be very comfortable
to the sufferer, especially if there Is
any hope of his going fishing.
| A QUAINT old gentleman of an active
stirring disposition, had man at work
in his garden, who was quito the re.
verse. "Jones," said lie, "did ycu
ever sec a snail2" "Ccrtainly," said
Jones. "Thcn," said the old man,
"you must have met him, for you never
| could OvGrtukc him.'
a VERMONT man was struck by
lightning lately ,and had both his boots
| taken Off without doing him much
damage. lie says he prefers the old
fashioned way, with tic boot-jack. 1t
Is not quito SO quick, but he is meyer
| in much Of hurry, and thinks it will
do very we'll for him.
n WICKED Connecticut man being
recently taken Ill, ,and believing he was
about to die, TO Id II ncighbor that he
feltthc need Of preparation for tho
next world and would kc to see some
proper person In regard to it. Immed-
lately The friend sent for II fire insur-
[ rance agent.
AN OSwcgo citizen, whose wife had
presented him with triplcts, lcmarked
as he rcckoncd up his running expenses
that children were a comfort in life,
but he preferred 10 receive them on
the instalment plan.
"ZkpuANIAH," said his wife, with a
chilling severity, 81 saw you coming
out OF Il saloon this afternoon" "Well,
my darIing," replied the Ecai tlcss
man, lyon wOuldn't have yer husband
staying in saloon all day, would
your"
WHEN somebody told MIR. Whistler
| that fricni ot his had received n leg
acy Of El0,00O, "By Jove! I" cried the
witty spendLhrift, "thaL's 100000 Il
| year for six months"
a GEORGIA young man asked his
sweetheart whether she had cvor rcau
"Romco and Juliet" Shc replied that
| she had read Romeo, but she did not
think she had ever read Juliet.
THE Vermont housewife who read
| Lhc English nHbles have lots Of hnrcs
In their preserves says she tried it in
some blackberry jam and doesn't be-
liovc these foreign stories.
"WHY should we celebrate Wnshin9-
toms birthday more than mine ?" asked
a teacher. "BecauSe he never told a
" shouted little boy.
THE ancient maiden who defers her
proposition OF tho marriage much long
| or Will soon have Mr.. Chances for this
leap year.
AN exchange speaks Of man being
"gored by an angry bull" as If Il good
natnred bull would do such a thing.
The butterfly never goes back on it's
grub.
10 step on mans corn goes agains:
! his grain.