The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1881-10-27
The Hammock.

There is something about hammock
that Is indescribable, and there is no
rule that can be made that will insure
safety while sitting in one Of the queer
things. There are psople who believe
that hammock understands what is go
ing on, and occasionally indulges in a
joke. 1t is certain that an old per-
son with lame back can swing in O
hammock half the dayland it will never
kick up. Servant girls and children can
get into hammock as thick as three in
O bed, and there is no danger, but let q
spoony young couple sit down in ham,
mock ever so carefully and it seems as
though the confounded thing was alive,
and had taken contract to spill them
out on the ground In all sorts of embar-
rasslng shapes. What it is that causes
the commotion will perhaps never be
known, without an investigation by
some mlddle-aged person, and, if the
season was not SO near over. we would
investigate the blasted thing ourself,
in the interest of our young readers
who are in the full flush of
hImmockhood. There can be moth
ing much more annoying to O young
couple than to be sitting side by side or
facing each other, in hammock, look
ing into each others eyes, and allowing
the love they dare not speak to show
itself in those orbs, aud just as they are
feeling as though they couldn't live
minute unless they clasped each other to
each others heaving bosoms, or at least
one heaving bosom and one boiled shirt,
and then have the hammock turn bot
tom side up and land them on the back
of their necks, on the ground, with legs
pointed toward the crab apples on the
trees to which the hammock is hitched,
arms tlinging wildly to pull down panta-
looms legs, and hands convulsively claw
ing gravel, and muslin and delaine, while
blushes suffuso faces that but moment
before were background for the picture
of loves young dream, and or wd of
spectators on the hotel veranda laugh
ing and saying, "Set 'em up again"
the hammock shakes itself and turns
right side up for other victims, as
though it knew what it had been doing,
and enjoyed it. There are young men
all over the land who have been through
such experiences, and had to walk back
ward all the way to the house. owing to
hssure veins being discovered in the
wearing apparel below the suspcndcrs,
while the number of girls that have been
mortified by having to go to the house
with their back hair in one hand. their
skirts in the other, while six places be-
tween the polonaise and the ear rings
were aching like the toothache irom con-
tact with the gravel path, are legion,
and We call upon the authorities to sup
press the hammock as nuisance. More
matches have been broken up by ham
mocks than by all the Sunday schools in
the world, and no girl who is bow
Legged, or has an ankle like a rutabaga,
should ever trust herself in a hammock,
even though it is held by half dozen
friends, as the hammock will shy at q
piece of paper rs quick as O skiCtish
horse, and in such moment as ye think
not you are on all fours, your head
dizzy, and if there is hole in your
stocking as small as the old miser's
heart, it will look to outsiders as
big as the gate to q fair ground. o,
hammock is worse than q bicycle
PprL'o ,0,,o,