Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1881-07-05
Jones and the Baby.

'sIt seems to me-" said Jones to his
wife, who was walking around the
room, with the baby in her arms, THAT
women make great deal of unneces-
sary fuss about putting q child to sleep.
Now, / would chuck him into bed, and
let him squat it out"
sit seems to me-" said Mrs.. Jones,
quietly, that all men are born idiots"
Jones couldn't for the life of him see
what that fact had to do with putting
the baby to sleep, but he wisely held
his peace.
The next evening Mrs. Jones came
into the sitting room, where Jones was
reading the market reports, and said:
81 am going down to mothers after
that recipe for yeast. Baby is asleep,
but if he should awake, presume you
could put him to sleep again-men are
so handy with babies"
"All right! I'll put him to sleep in
less than no time; run along, my DEAR"
said Jones, cheerful!y.
Mrs. Jones vanished, and Jones re-
sumed his paper.
Soon after his wife's departure, Jones
heard little premonitory grunt from
the vicinity of the bedroom.
"HuIlo! what's that 2" exclaimed
Jones, as he assumed a listening atti-
tude.
He soon found out, for the juvenile
member of Jones' family set up series
of yells that would have done credit to
prima donna.
Jones dropped his paper, rushed into
the bed -room, seized his offspring and
carried him wrong end up back into
the sitting room.
The suddenness of the attack, and the
unusual position, so astonished his
babyship that he forgot to scream for q
few seconds, but when Jones righted
him up, and offered him pair of sleeve
buttons for playthings, Johnnie shut
his eyes, opened his mouth, and began
again with renewed vigor and determi-
nation.
Jones abandoned the eve-buttons,
and tried to '.cuddle" the baby up after
the maternal fashion, but baby sternly
refused to 'cuddle," and with degree
of energy. for which Jones was wholly
unprepared, and which evinced total
lack of respect for the ''author of his
being" Johnny grabbed the paternal
whiskers with both hands and howled
louder than ever.
Jones released himself, smoothed his
cherished whiskers, deposited his hat
on the sofa, retreated to safe distance,
rubbed his face carefully, smiled in q
vague kind of way, as If he didn't
know exactly where the fun came in,
wondered "what the dickens Maria
would do under similar circumstances"
Baby put his fist into his mouth, and
looked as though he wondered what his
paternal ancestor would do next.
"There now" exclaimed Jones, i'm
mensely relieved, "he is papa's pity
title sonny, so he is"
"Sonny" promptly resented this by
long drawn yell that struck terror to
the soul of his dismayed parent.
Jones was at his wits end. He grew
reckless. He whistled to that baby he
sang; he made faces; he cut a series
Of antics that would have driven bal
let dancer mad with envy. but all to
no purpose. Baby had evidently taken
contract to furnish so much yell in
given time, and was bound to do the
square thing
When Mrs. Jones returned she found
demOralized. looking man wandering
around the house, with baby in one
arm, while with his disengaged hand
he wiped the perspiration from his
manly brow with the tail end of the
baby's night dress.
ut seems to me-" remarked Mrs.
Jones, as she took the baby, that men
make great deal of unnecessary fuss
about putting baby to sleep. Now, +"
The front door closed with bang.
Jones was on his way down the street
to 'see man."