Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-01-22
A Question Of Manners.

Ahhhh oScHlS W De dVdBue DuG opera
tive action in many social circles that it
is "bad form" to introduce to each
other persons who meet casually in the
parlor of common friend. At least it
Is held that this ceremony is not to be
performed without the consent of both
parties thereto.
This belief is probably founded on the
social usages of older countries, as, for
example, Germany and France, where
introductions are not customary. But
there it is an unwritten law that stran-
gers, meeting under the roof of a COM
mon friend, whether by invitation or ac-
cident, shall greet each other as acquaint-
ances, talk easily, and part with grace
full civility. The hostess, by virtue of
her Office, stands as the social sponsor
of each for the moment, and to hesitate
to speak to any one of her visitors is to
discredit her taste and judgment. Of
course the continuance of the acquaint-
ance is matter to be left entirely to
the decision of the two persons con-
cerned.
In England, on the other hand, it has
been generally considered indecorous to
speak without a formal introduction,
which is usually offered only when the
hostess feels assured that the acquaint-
ance will prove a mutually agreeable
one. But this usage doubtless grew out
of the very marked differences of caste,
which implied different social worlds.
With the new life of this century; the
vast influence of trade and commerce;
thenearness of nationsformerly held alien
and foreign, and the attrition of their
ideas; the general interest in science
which takes hold of men and women of
all ranks and no rank; the altered feel
ing about women, which begins to make
the suppressed sex not only significant
factors in the economic sum, but
working, thinking, and shaping men,
bers of the social fabric; and with the
changing fortunes of the time, which
puts immense wealth in new hands, and
impoyerishes the heirs of old names and
ancient heritages-with these subvert-
ing conditions, we say, the rigid lines Of
caste must yield or be broken. And
any American traveller of distinction
will doubtless have observed that in the
best English society introductions have
either become much more general, or
) are regarded as unnecessary.
We, however, appear to have adopt
ed the English custom without the Eng
lish reason therefor, or hope of advan.
tage therein. And if we 90 on in our
present way, we bid fair to make our So
cial festivities as heavy as those of the
middle-class drawing rooms of our kin
across the sea; for women are constitu
tionally timid, and usually fear to make
advances. To be conspicuous of being
less well dressed or less well placed in
the social world than her neighbor is tC
put an extinguisher often on the mos
scintillant of her sex. II her acquaint
ance is sought, she will show herself
charming, but she will not seem to so
licit recognition, though the alternative
is dreary silence and isolated state.
The hostess, at ease in her world, may
think this foolish reticence. But since
shy or obscure women are afraid tC
speak without authority, she. should
make it an invariable custom to intro
duce. The law is very simple. What
ever puts her guests most at ease is he1
obvious duty. There is certain socia
law of centripetal force which may b,
trusted to send the right atoms together
if the artificial retraints are removed
And it often happens that the riches
friendships of ones life ensue from
these chance encounters, while, OF
the other hand, if both partie
{I ha
that ''if there be no great low
at the beginning, yet Heaven may de
crease it on better acquaintance,
civil bow on meeting is the only futur
recognition which courtesy requires.
Perhaps the form of introduction
might be made more helpful than it is
There are certain fixed rules, of course
based on sufficient reason, which every
body is supposed to understand and oh
serve. 1t is proper, for example, al
ways to introduce a gentleman to
lady, younger woman to an elder,
stranger or a newcomer to the longe
resident. But beyond this the phras
and tone employed might convey an as
,surance of rewarding acquaintance
or simply imply a courtesy of the me
ment. Suppose, for instance, the host
ess were to say, "Mrs. Blank, l am s
glad of this opportunity to introduc
to you Mrs. DASH" or, at is sue
a pleasure to introduce two pee
pie who ought to know eac
other" or any other agreeably uncor
ventional sentence, there is a ground {
liking and sense of familiarity estal
lshed at once. If, on the other hanC
she sees that there is not likely to /
any common interest between the tw
strangers, the usual form, "Mrs. Blanl
pray allow me to present Mrs. Dash
you," merely means, "Now you tw
women, who happen to stand togethe
may leave off your futile attempts
look unconscious of each others exis
ence, and become as agreeable to eac
other as your limitations will allow"
woman must be ponderous indeed WI
can not find few words of gracef
commonplace to bestow on her new a
quaintance, or, having offered then
who can not easily and inoffensive
glide out of the conversation.
But if it be the duty of the hostess
introduce, it is not less plainly the dut
of her guests to speak to each 9TH
without her Intervention. The law
kindness, which precedes and underli
the code of etiquette, commands the
to assist her in her effort to give the
pleasure. "a jest's prosperity sa,,
the all-perceiving Shakespeare, 'lies
the ear of him VINO hears it, never in Il
tongue of him who utters it," And it
equally true that all social successes d
pend on the spirit of the guests far mo