The Osceola times., 1881-07-16
He Will Inyeat.
Brooklyn Eagle

1t Is all very well TO talk about work.
ing for the hesthen," said one, as the
ladies of the circle put aside their sew
ing, but I'd like 10 have some one tell
me what Pm to do with my husband"
What's the matter with him" asked
sympathetic old lady.
civilian is a good man." continued
the first, waving her glasses in an argu.
mentative way, "but William will invent.
He goes inventing around from morning
till night, and | have no peace nor
comfort. didn't object when he invented
a fire-escapc, but | did demonstrate when
one night last winter he wanted me to
crawl out Of the window to see how il
worked. Then he originated "A lock for
the door, that wouldn't open from mid.
night till morning, so as to keep burglars
out. The first time he tired it he caught
his coat-tail in it, and | had 10 walk
around him with painful of hot Goals ali
night to keep him from freezing"
"Why didn't he take his coat oG?'
81 wanted him TO, but he stood around
till the thing opened itself trying to in
vent some way of unfasteping 1t. That's
Williams trouble. He will invent. A
little while ago he got up cabinet bed
stead that would shut and open without
handling. It went by clockwork. Will
liam got into it ami up it went. Bless
your heart, he STAYED in there from
Saturday afternoon to Sunday evening
when it flew open and disclosed William
with the plans and specifications Of a
patent washbowl that would tip over
when it got just 20 full. The result was
thatI lost all my rings and breast pin
down the waste-pipe. Then he 20, up
crutch for man that could also be used
as an opera~glass. Whenever the man
leaned on it, up it shut, and when he
put it to his eyes TO find William it flew
out into crutch and almost broke The
top of his head off,"
Don't any of his inventions amount
to anything"
"IIe says they do. Once he invented
a rope-ladder to be worn as a guard
chain and heightened out with spring
He put it around his neck, but the spring
got loose and tGrned 1t into ladder and
almost choked him 10 death. Then he
invented patent bootheel TO crack nuts
with and gave it up. His coal-scuttle
has made more trouble than aything else
1t was riveted to the crate and when
the fire got low it would turn over and
pour on coal. The rivets got rusty so he
couldn't get it of, and | just sit up in
bed and listen TO that scuttle night.
Then he arranged corn-popper SO it
would wiggle ITSELF and now he can't
stop it. You can hear that pepper going
around in the closet, and he won't let
me throw it away. because he wants to
invent something to hold it still. Why,
he has got wash.tub full of inventions.
Il,,.a g.ff hon b. hat IL
ways opens at the right place. We tried
it one morning at church but the wheels
and spring made such a row that the
sexton took William out by the collar
and told him to leave his fire. engines at
home when he came to place Of wor-
ship. The other day | saw him walking
up street with model ola grain eleva-
tor sticking out of his hip pocket, and
he is fixing up an improved shot-tower
liz our bedroom"
Docs he make any money out of his
inventions"
"He doesn't appear TO. The other
night man came down and wanted
William to getup patent umbrella ias-
tening. Since then he has wrecked all
the umbrellas and parasols in the house
We haven'ta thing to use if it should
rain. Now he's at work on combined
cat and rat trap. The cats and rats 20
in at different ends and eat each other
up-at least, he says they will; and after
that he isgOing at pair of pantaloOns
in which a man can tall down without
spraining his leg. William means well,
but he's got the mania for inventing and
| don't know where it Will end" And
the old lady sighed as she started for
home to see what new Inconvenience
her ingenious husband was preparing 10
perpetuate,