Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-06-29
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

SflCE AND ALESfICE.
A SIAM" in street traffic is apt to lead
many tart remarks not worth preserving.
-LoaUeU Courier.
THE man who had an elephant on his
hands has had them amputated. -LoaOeW
Citizen.
IHE man that wears white vests all
through the summer stands high in the
estimation of Chinese laundrymen.
"What is love?" It is a feeling that
you don't want any other fellow going
around with her.
SHE cooed; he wooed; the old man
said they could if they would. No
cards.
MINNIE was two years old She asked
for some water one night, When it was
brought, she said: "Papa, can't you get
me some fresh water? This tastes lit
tie withered.'
HE Norristown Herald defines city
beer garden as: Two trees, a 7x9 flower
bed, seventeen benches, and six walters
In majority of cases trees and flower
beds are dispensed with.
A STRANGE astronomical phenomenon
is seen in the fact that when an irate
father takes down his trunk strap there
are liable to be spots on the son.-LoW-
ell Citizen.
"THE hand that rocks the cradle"
says an enthusiastic moralist, "rules the
world" A fair prospect for the future
of nurses IS suggested by this apprecia-
tive remark.
A FOUR-YEAR-oLD child, who while Wis
iting, saw bellows used to blow an open
fire, informed her mother that "they
shovel wind into the fire down to Aunt
Augustus"
81 PAWS for reply" is what the dog
said when he scratched for admittance
at the garden gate.-Boston Post.
81 news on thee" as the sentimental
cat remarked to the fellow on whom she
was mashed. Com. Advt.
The Inter- Ocean remarks: This is
grand growing weather throughout the
west. Put your ear to the ground and
you can almost hear the potatoes growl-
ing to each other and saying: clay over,
we want room"
THAcKERAY's idea of dandy is given
in the following note: 'My dear Ed
ward-A dandy is an Individual who
would be a lady if he could, but as he
can't, does all he can to show the world
he's not man"
CHOW, Sammy, have you read the
story of Joseph?' oh, yes, uncle"
Well, then, what wrong did they do
when they sold their brother ?'' :sThey
sold him too cheap. "-Aaadrews'
Queen.
WHEN Pat went a cunning for the first
time he made one shot and then looked
under tree for his game and found a
toad. Begorrah," he exclaimed, ED
scarcely recognized ye, but ye must ave
been id foine bird fore l shot the
feathers off We. "-HarJord Post.
THEY were getting ready for Sunday
excursion, and the father said: Sc wife
can carry the sandwiches; Billy can
carry the shawls and spyglasses; Johnny
can carry the umbrellas, and lemons and
sugar, and I'll carry the pistol"
A DANBURY bootblack was in South
Norwalk when the train went through
there on its way to Hartford with the
nations military dignitaries. "Did you
see General Sherman ?" asked citizen
while having shine. emo; was he
locking for me ?" was the response. The
citizen was shocked. -D0n6ah9y NeaUs.
A Boston business man recently tried
to umpire game of base ball between
two mines made up of his employees, and,
before the fourth inning, he had dis
charged every one of the players from
his employ, cut down the wages Of the
scorers and been thrown over the fence
by the excited men.-Bostoaa Post.
ode worl' am CROWN wickeder cherry
day, Betsy; it's gwine down hill fo'
shuah, an dar amt no use tryin' to stop
it. Now, what dye 'spose de matter
is ?" "Dunno," answered Betsy, shsk-
ing her head, shut 'spects it's de spar
rers; dere am so many oh dem now dat
de Lord don't hab time to look arter
udder folkses. %
WILLIAM SPRAUGE, of Rhode Island,
has spent fortune of So, 00O,O 900, left
him by his father, during thepast twenty
years. As he didn't start daily paper
to fill long felt want, it is difficult to
understand how he expended so much
money in that period. If he employeda
plumber three months a year, he ought
still to have a couple of thousand left
NO7r5StOIU7a Herald.
WEST Po1NT officer: "Cadet, what is
that you have stuffed in your pocket,
sir?" Cadet: "Tobacco, SIR Officer:
"Give it to me. It is against the orders
of the post to chew tobacco, sir" Off
Ger turns his back and cuts off chew,
and talking to himself: "That's mighty
good plug to man that's been out of
tobacco for three days. "-Nea0 Haven
Register.
OLD gentleman, to fsh-marEet boy:
"Been to boarding school. my bow"
eyes, SIR ''Passed ont with certifi-
cate?'' eyes, SIR" "Well, look here.
Four pounds of salmon at half crown
a pound-what would that be % ssTen
shillings, sir" ''Quite right, my boy,
here's six pence for you. But stop a
moment. What would twenty pounds
of salmon be at fourpence-h half penny
"Why, Sinking, you jolly old stupid!