River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-03-31
IN A NUTSHELL.


The hens are preparing for Easter
laying for it, so to speak
Twenty-Five SHOWS this winter, and
an aggregate depth of SO inches.
Have you been upon bust lately
said the shoulder brace to the corset.
The gross income derived from to-
bacco by the farmers Of the United
States, is about So, 100000.
The report of the marriage of Adam
Forepaugh, recently circulated, is pro-
nounced to be altogether false.
Red used upon a railway signifies
danger, and says, Stop" 1t is the
same thing displayed on a mans nose.
An enquirer desires to know why the
circus elephant never kills the clown
or the lemonade man.
A San Francisco paper excuses a
certain mistatement by saying that it
was typographical error in the man
uscript.
If any of the farm tools want repair
ing, attend to it at once. Every hour
lost in the spring makes the crops later
and just so much less valuable.
The sales of dime novels have de-
creased ninety per cent. since the intro
duction of cheap standard literature.
II is hardly possible to get dime novel
at a respectable bookstore now.
The latest addition to Willie Edouin's
family, Lionel" has received a silver
cup from the Sparks Combination, thus
inscribed: 40 the youngest spark
from the Sparks
The Pennsylvania railroad company
did not carry freight for the Baltimore
Il Ohio railroad through on time, as
per contract, and suit for 100000
is the result.
Pullets of last May and June will be-
gin to lay now if rightly fed Give a
warm morning meal, just as much as
they can eat up clean. If any is left it
will freeze and be wasted.
What next? A nest of little gray
mice, with shiny, life-hke eyes of jet,
was lately seen upon Quaker gray
plush bonnet worn in Paris.
Shall / take your love to your moth
cr?" said lady visitor to little child
of three years, who was going to see
the mother in question. "She has my
love" was the quaint reply.
A lady who had quarreled with her
bald-headed lover said, i'll dismissing
him, "What is delightful about you,
my friend, is that | have not the trou-
BILE of sending you back any locks of
hair"
Michigan has female type-setter
who set up 5000 ms, made up the pa
per, took in $50 on subscriptions and
sued the editor for breach of promise,
all inside of day and a half
A German shoemaker having made
pair of boots for a gentleman of whose
financial integrity he had considerable
doubt, made the following reply to him
when he called for the articles DER
poots ish not quite done, but der beel is
Dodde out"
Miss Kate Smith, an inmate of the
Union Home for Old Ladies in Phila-
delphia, after three years labor, has
completed a quilt containing 55,552
pieces. She has been blind from in
fancy, but threaded every needle her
self, and used 100 spools of thread in
the work
An Irishman, fresh from the old
country, saw turtle for the first time,
and at once made up his mind to cap
ture it, The turtle caught him by the
finger, and he, holding it out at arms
length, said: Faith, and We had better
let loose the how'll we have, or I'll kick
We out of the very box We sit in, be
jabers"
DR.. Wilson, said to be an authority
on ear diseases, says that when the
hearing is good the ticking of watch
can be heard at the distance of twenty
eight il. hes from the ear. This would
be worth more as test were 1t not that
some watches tick two or three times
louder than other. The test therefore
is about Of definite as saying that
something is about as long as q piece of
string.
As young man, late at night, was
sitting by his window for a chance to
hurl a missile at the cats that worried
him, a neighbor passing by said to him,
81 suppose you have an object III view
in sitting up there so late. F." "Yes,"
was the reply, as he he'd up boot
Jack, ''and | also have an object in hand
ready for the object in view"
A fathers pride: A colored man who
is pretty well off has had his son edu-
Gated for the ministry. Last Sunday
the Galveston Blue-Light Colored Tab
bernacle was crowded to hear the young
man preach his first sermon. It was a
splendid effort and the father Of the
young exhorter was as happy as clam
in thirty feet of water. The day after
he was asked by friend how he liked
his sons sermon. "How does | like it!
Why, dat ar boy breaches like de berry
debbel hisself"