The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1881-09-01

A PRETTY IDIoT-An individual in dress
coat ornamented with sparse array Of brass
buttons and q star, and single stripe across
his cuffs, was sweeping, and circling about the
room in the last of the new step waltzes, and
naturally attracted attention. He was intro
duced to one blue-blooded young lady, who
stiff1y informed him that she was not dancing
that evening, and froze up his further utter
ances with an icy stare. AS he left she turned
with celestial ire in her countenance and
said: GLOW dare thS& introduce a Pullman
of me dancing with Mimi" MY dear, igno-
rant, land-lubberly lass from the interior"
said the convulsed recipient of the angry
burst, don't you know that he is a master of
the United States navy, the greatest social
swell that breathes, always excepting that
most magnificent and God-like creature, the
second lieutenant" 81 don't believe it," she
said, crimsoning. "Where's his sword and
his gold lace and trimmings? He has bor-
rowed that coat from Ills waiter and sewed the
buttons on the tails of it himself, or else he is
a conductor. | know d fraud when see him
walk. Argument was powerless to convince
the young woman that she had committed
social suicide, and committed the biggest
blunder Of the season, or that the modestly
ornamented coat was really what officers call
the social uniform, and not the gorgeous
garment of full Dress
ACCOMPLISHED AsPIRANTs.-The Lynch
burg correspondent of the Philadelphia Press
has the following reference to Messrs. Daniel
and Cameron:
"The Virginians think they have some occa-
sion of State pride In the fact that both the
candidates, though comparatively young men
Zone is SO, the other 39), are of such excep-
tional literary and general culture. 1t is
rare thing in this country, even perhaps in
New England, for two such accomplished men
to meet in the lists of the forum Both are
writers of great t1uency and beauty; both
thoroughly read in general literature, Gidactic
and ornamental both are orators of fine pow
ers, especially Daniel, who in this respect has
physical advantages over Cameron; both are
authors, and both very exquisite poets. Daniel
is master of three or four languages. Cameron
certainly of two, and both magicians with
their mother English. 1t cannot be denied
that this catalogue Of graces offers very re-
freshing contrast to the usual equipments
thought requisite in the Statesmen of these
later days"
BUSINESS AT New ORLEANs-The New
Orleans papers declare that that city has never
known healthier summer or a more prosper
Gus one There has been no whisper OF yell
low fever, and evidences of prosperity and
In many departments of trade there has been
no cessation whatever even during the heated
term in June and July, and many of the mer-
chants declare they have had all the business
they could attend to. Even in the stock bond
and cotton markets there has been unusual
activity, and numerous brokers and merchants,
who were accustomed heretofore to take their
departure in June and return in September OF
October, have not been able to get away at all,
fo,.o do No,x
and edifices of every description are going up
all over the city, while the builders and paint
ers assert there never before was so much re-
pairing and painting going on. 81.
How SHE HELPED HER MoTHER.-'I
don't see how I'd git along without Mary
nohow" Mrs. Butcher observed, pausing to
wipe the PRECIPITATION from her aged features
and put another ladle of soft soap into the
steamlng suds, while her daughters voice at
the piano could be distinctly recognized, float
ing out from the adjoining parlor. II don't
see how I'd git along without that gal, nohow.
Al'ays on these days, when hev the firing
est work, she just picks out her incest pieces,
like Sweet Rest By-and-by' and Mothers
Growing DID, and sings 'em fur me afore she
goes out on the lawn to play croquet with the
other young folks: 'Taint every gal as I'D be
so thoughtful kin tell you. Now, most on
EN- I'D Jest bang away with Jordan is a hard
Road to travel or 'Whoop 'em up Eliza Jane
but she amt none o that Sort And Mrs.
Butcher famed herself vigorously with her
soiled apron, preparatory to running the
clothes through the second water.
How TO MAKE BEEFsTEAK TENDER.-The
best and most thoroughly certain way to make
your beef tender is to stand in with the bow
who drives the butchers wagon. discovered