Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-09-08
RESULTS OF YAIG4INGGL HG!- -sa saaan.I -,

RESULTS QE XATCHINGA-nH11 -,
Hu OIu CItIzen OF Line Greek, among other
anecdotes of the past, furnishes the Greenville
News with the following:
A farmer, who will be called Porter because
that isn't his name, living on the ridge be-
tween the Saluda and Reedy rivers, inspired
by an evil conscience, meddling neighbor or
some other imp, became violently jealous of
his wife. He dissembled, however, and keep
ing his suspicious to himself, employed his in.
tellect in devising traps for his unsuspecting
helpmeet At last he resorted to the familiar
plan in such cases, and left home early one
morning, announcing his intention of going to
a "new ground" at some distance, to rush his
corn planting. Then he hitched his horse
under hill, slipped furtively back and con-
cealed himself in the barn loft. Very soon
his worst suspicious were confirmed and his
blood turned to FIRE by hearing Mrs. Porter in
the neighboring cowpen, conducting con-
versation in which some one, addressed as
Honey" and "Sweet Tooth" and my Love"
was adjured to be STILL Crawling through
the dust with the perspiration dripping from
every pore, Mr.. Porter reached hole in the
side, from which projecting plank, that af:
forded him place to roost and observe the
object of his wife's unholy affections, was
reached Trembling with wrath and eager
ness he crept out, and with dilated eyes and
lips ready to pour out maledictions, peered
around the corner. Just then the plank
tipped. The unconscious housewife was seat.
ed on stool placidly milking her cows and
addressing them in terms of warm affection,
when she was startled by the sound of brief
and spasmodic clawing above, and the sudden
rush through space of some object that struck
in an extensive hog wallow, like a meteor,
and threw up the mud as if volcano had
suddenly developed. In response to the ago.
Dizing cries for aid she cautiously approached
and was lost in astonishment to recognize her
lord and master, whom she supposed to be at
work two miles of, half buried in the mire,
and calculating mud and profanity as rapidly
as his limited supply Of wind would permit.
After an air hole had been cleared from his
face and an account of stock taken, it was
discovered that he was all there, albeit in a
somewhat fragmentary condition, his collar
bone being broken, and his body averaging
about five bruises and sprains to the square
foot. While he lay in bed for the next three
months he had ample leisure to mature other
plans for entrapping Mrs. P. Neighbors
made his crop for him, and the kind doctor
took the proceeds to take care of. Porter
told his wife that it was not a cyclone that
had lifted him from the corn field and dashed
him two miles against the barn, but that he
had been taken sick and had returned to hunt
an egg. The good dame made no comments
on this story. Under the circumstances, she
probably thought them unnecessary. If Mr..
Porter ever pursued his Investigations into
her conduct, he kept the process and its results
profound secret.
IGNORANCE AND Low WAGEs.-What
asses men are to be ignorant, even in inan-
cial point of view. A blockhead can get
but six shillings day in any market in the
world; men of intelligence often make as
many dollars. A man who cant write is as
much slave as if he had been born brute.
He is doomed to be newer of wood and a
drawer of water all the days of his life.