Middletown transcript., 1881-07-29
CHIPS.

A Chicago woman calls her husband
x Darkest Hour" because he comes
home just before awn.-iSyrdcase
Times.
1t could not have happened to Gen
eral Grant, because he never bought a
ticket at railroad depot or anywhere
else.-Patck.
1t requires microscope to discover
a rich mans faults but the poor mems
are always visible to the naked eye
Yonkers Gazette.
" They're making it in copper boilers
now," is all you have to say to your
z bright particular when she hints
about ice cream Yonkers Gazette.
All, Smith, my boy, I see you never
forget your poor relations Y Smith
I" You have got the matter reversed,
sir! It is my poor relations who never
forget me !''-PhiId. Slm.
When the signal service speaks Of
mean temperature, do they mean 101
in the shade ? That's what we call the
. meanest temperature we ever got ac-
quainted with. Baltimore Erery Sat
Wrday.
"Does it pay to keep a clean record
in politics r. asks the Binghamton
Republican. It may pay but a man
has to economic like the very ancient
Harry to save S25, 1000 year out Of a
salary Of S., Norristoacn Herald.
He came into the office and said
"You see my brothers are shoemakers
and they mended my shoes. Now,
why am like Joseph Of biblical his
tory ~ We gave it up. Why, be-
cause l was soled by my brothers. \
The inquest on him will be held to-day
Puck.
A Norwich couple who had a pet cat
which had grown helpless from age, and
extremely fifty, put it out Of its misery
by the agency Of chloroform. They
buried it in the garden and planted a
rosebush over it's remains. The next
morning it appeared at the door to be
let in and had the rosebush under it's
arm. m.-Ddnb,Ty Ne1cs.
"a North street bride complained to
her husband that she had been too busy
all day to get off her feet once, and
that unhappy man, who had already
discovered several surprising "make-
ups'' in her tout ensemble, exclaimed in
amazement, "Great Jerusalem crick-
cts I do they come off too Gerald
Henry, III Ddlblry Netrs.
Wanted-a compositor One who
uses neither tobacco nor rum Thus
reads an advertisement, and we'll bet
our boots to a leaden greenback that
that mans place was crowded with
applicants, and that the passers-by
thought there was funeral there. The
idea Of a compositor drinking or chew
ing Pretty soon they'll accuse editors
and reporters Of staying away from
church -Ner York Dispatch.
You make me Think n John Viii
liam said, dropping down upon sofa
besides pretty girl, last Sunday even
ing, of a bank whereon the wild
thyme grows Do IT, she muir
INJURED I" 1t is 50 nice but that is pa's
step in the hall, and unless you car
drop out Of the front window before ]
cease speaking you'll have little wild
time with him, my own, for he loves
you not. n His descent was rapid
Ne1C York Star.
"Maria, n said the old lady sternly.
"what were you and young Billings
doing with your heads so close together
out there by the gate p I" We were
looking at the comet, ma, through 3
little spy-glass in the top Of his new
straw hat, explained the young miss
without a blush, "and oh, ma, it's
ever 50 splendid comet. And tht
old lady was so interested in its descrip
ton that she quite forgot the fact that
when young Billings and her daughter
looked at the comet that erratic lumi
nary was in the northern heavens, and
on the opposite side Of the house.
ROchldnd Courier.