The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-09-28
PERSONAL AND GENERAL.

fairly worship 1IViuS.
A grapevine near San Diego, Cal, is sale
to bear five tors Of fruit in one year.
Why is the North pole like an illicit Whisr
ky manafactory Because it's a secret still.
There is not much danger when it rains
"cats and dogs. tut when it Spitz dogs look
out.
A baby weighing %thirty-two pounds was
born at Washington. Its father is an under
taker.
There is a limit-F'irst young lady: II
could sit here forever" Second ditto And
I till lunch time
II wish | was a pudding, mamma"
"Why ?" "Cause [ should have q lot of
sugar put into me"
The Philadelphia Herald Chronicle re-
marks that divorce is tue signal for a cessa-
ton of hostilities.
Christine Nilsson is a good conversational
ist, but is one Of those stately, form al wo-
men who have to be drawn out to become
liked.
a certain gentleman must have been very
proud Of his wife when be described her as
beautiful, dutiful, youthful and an arm
full"
The notorious Josie Mansfield, whose as
ISOLATION with James Fisk, Jr., is so well re-
membered, is keeping q gambling house in
Paris.
Mnstapha Bay, the ruler of Tunis, spent
$40, 900 during his stay in Paris. He car
ried hone 200 gold watches and 10. 900 jack
knives.
When q woman leaves q man who has not
earned his salt for years, he Immediately
advertises that he will pay no debts Of her
contracting.
4 Brooklyn man answering q New York
advertisement, How to win at poker" re-
ceived the following reply: Hold four
aces or don't poke"
Mr.. Goodwin Smith has been appointed
president of the economy and trade depart
ment ia the Socia! Science congress which is
to be held in Dublin.
MADAM" he gallantly observed, II have
your image photographed on my heart"
"Indeed," said she, "a sort of negative i'm
preston of me, I suppose"
Hamilton Abeel received at Round Lake,
N. Y, a few days since from the dead letter
office q ! picture which he sent to his mother
from the army eighteen years ago.
"Mr. Smith, said a lady at 8 fair, won't
you please buy this bouquet to present to
Ii 1duH TOu AORCs WoNAAA = w AA5AA3
said Mr.. Smith;ss I'm a married man"
The papers tell of q courtship and marriage
brought about by g note written on an egg
shell. It is the most eggs-traordinary affair
TIL two hearts are now yoked together.
ssCan you read, my girl p said a lady
patronizingly to a waitress in a New Eng
land mountain hotel. Eyes, ma'am-in sew
enteen different languages was the answer.
The Gen. Stoneman who wants to be the
Democratic candidate for governor OF Cali
fornia, is the. Union cavalry leader of the
war, and not the confederate of the same
name.
Father Ryan, tAe Southern poet-priest,
has returned to his home in Mobile, Ala,
much ~invigorated and improved in health and
strength by his summer travels and recree-
tons.
A little girl had been scolded by her grand
mother. She picked up her little kitten and
caressing il, said: Il wish one Of US three
was dead. And it amt you, kitty, and it
amt me-"
The Boston city council proposes to lay
out a new square in their city and give to It
the name of Garfield. A citjzon offers $500
as the beginning of q fund for the erection
Of a statute Of the President in the square.
J.. M. Gale of Bristol, ILL.,, who has Just
made an extended tour of Kansas, contra
diets the LeayenWOrth Times, and says that
the crop in that state will be very poor, not
more than 30 or rs per cent. of the usual
yield.
i. The Jesuits are blamed for the falling off
In Peters pence, which has crippled the re-
sources Of the pope. They are stoutly OPP
posed to his ideas and policy, and, it is as
serted, are concerted in their action to balk
his plans.
Scene: Bridal reception. Several Of
the guests, after shaking hands with the
bride, and all speaking at the same time:
"Where is the bridegroom" Bride, ~naively:
sob, he's upstairs watching the wedding
presents
Lucy Hooper, writing Of Mrs. Langtry,
says: Il never admired her, even when she
was IN the height of her renoWn.'' That
isn't surprising. One woman isn't apt to adj
mire another who m%onopolizes the attention
Of all the gentlemen.
Cotton-seed oil mills are an important
branch at the manufacturing industry Of
Memphis. Three new mills are now ia
course OF construction, making a total of
seven mills with a capacity Of nearly 80, 900
barrels Of oil for the season.
'Ah, my love, what Above of a lovely new
costume you have on do you think so,
lovely p Yes, my love, and ! am real
glad" Are you really !? You are SO kind
Eyes, dearest, / was beginning to feel sorry
for You, after you'd worn that old black silk
thr G years. and turned il twice"
Midhat Pasha's place of Punishment. it is
said, is considered By the Arabs as the most
ancient place in the world. They say it is
the place to which Adam and Eve fed after
their expulsion from Paradise, nj Ewes
is shown to pilgrims. II this story is