Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-06-24
F. u N

LET No FAT MAN EsCAPE.-Fat? you
bet he was! And he was one of those
cautious men who wear their winter fan.
nels and socks up to the first OF June fol
fear of cold waves and rheumatic twinges
1t grew hotter and hotter as he came down
Grand River avenue, and he finally slid
under an awning of a saloon and dropped
down on the head of an empty beer keg,
and groaned out:
LANDS alive! but she's more than bill
ing! Seems to me that I've commenced
to melts'
He hadn't got the perspiration wiped off
one whole ear yet when tall, lean man
came along from the other way and also hal
ted. Not drop of moisture could be seen
on his face, and his hair Was as dry as a
clothes line.'
ST presume, sir" he began, ''you fin
this heat very uncomfortable?'
''Great .snakesI but I'm roasted?''
groaned the other.
Nevertheless, desire to make you an
address on the subject of the weather.
The seasons are divided into four. We
will first take the winter season.
''Oh, I don't want to hear anything
about the weather, I want to cool off and
get home"
Nevertheless, the Winter season in
cludes December, January and February y
continued the lean man, as he walked up
and down. 'Do you know why we have
cold weather in the winter and warm
weather in the summer p
''Say, let me alone, won't you ? 1 came
within an inch Of being sun-struck."
sSpring is the next season. and some
times it is wonderful how closely it fol.
lows Winter, and then again it is wonder
full how it hangs off until Fall. Spring is
supposed to include March, April, May
and several bl1zzards and freshets.''
''Say. won't stand it. IF you don't
move On I'll injure you for lifeF'
''We now come to the third season." OBJ
served the lean man, as he folded his hands
behind his back. 1.-THE third season is
called Summer, and includes the month 9
Of June. July and August. June was
named after old Juneberry, a Greek ora
tor, who contended-''
Twill you move on. yelled the fat man
as he pushed his handkerchief down the
back of his neck.
81 will not, was the calm reply. "June
was named after old Juneberry, al
"Who the = cares'
Gall of us. Old Juneberry contended
that the sun was composed off,
The fat man tried to get up, but little
creeks of perspiration ran down his back,
one of his suspenders broke short off, and
he fell back and yelled ''police!" in voice
so husky that he seemed to have a peach
stone in his throat. Three or four mes
came out of the saloon, and he pointed to
the lean man and gasped out:
s'Five dollars to the man that mashes
him!"
'sAnd we now come to the fourth sea-
son. coolly remarked the lean man, as he
walked slowly away, (which includes Sep
TENDER, October and November, and in
leaving this for another field of labor I
want to say to you, old fatty, that I'll lay
for you from now till the end CT dog-days
but what you shall hear the remainder of
my address and old Juneberry's reasons
for believing that the sun was composed
of scraps and ends of lightning which had
may sweat and blow and call for the Pc
lice but I IL trail you to the bitter end, and
don't you forget it ~
And he walked away under the hot sun
just as the fat man was going to raise the
reward for MASKING him to $50
MODERN COURTSHIP.-tAnd do you
really love me dearly?" he asked as he
coiled his arm around her wasp like sys-
tenn. ''And you III always love me so?'
"Always, Frederick; ever 500
s'And you pledge to sew bu-"
ssSir!''
''You pledge me to so beautity my life
that it will always be happy as now?''
''With my last breath, Frederick
''And darling will you mend my soc-?"
'Your what, sir?''
s'You will mend my social ways and
draw me upward and onward to a better
existence?"
at will be the pride of my love so to do
Frederick; will sacrifice all for your com,
plete happiness"
81 know that. sweetheart. But suppose
in the fullness Of time some accident
should happen to-to-say the trou-?"
''You forget yourself, sir. To the what?"
etFNn fhn
hour that makes you mine %
'Never, Frederick. I am yours mind
and heart, and naught can separate u.s.
''But what I want to say is, that should
my pant-?''
'sBegone, sir; what do you mean ?''
'sHear me, my life. say, If my pant
ing bosom should grow cold in death.
would your love still warm it ?''
GAS the sun melts the iceberg, Freder-
lex, so would the rays of my affection
thrill thy heart again."
land you will care for me ever, nv
soul, and for you, for though may new
er have shir-?"
Enough! Leave me forever"
''Bllt listen. Though may never have
in the struggle of life, forget the plain du-
ty-'
''And I'll remind you of it, Frederick,
III tender actions, and make the duties of
existence so pleasant of performance that
to avoid them would be pain.''
And SO on. That's modern courtship,
Lots Of abstract sWash. but manifest
disinclination to contemplate such conye-
niences an buttons, socks. trousers and
shirts.