davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03

HUMORS OF THE DAY.

WHEN things go to D K how @ D they
B come.
MANY man who thinks himself a
great gun is nothing more than a big
bore.
KEEP cool and you command every
body" remarked St. Just. He stood In
with an ice company.
a BOY who won't try is like truth,
because the boy won't endeayor and truth
won't end ever, either.
MONEY men of many minds
Take to "straddles =" and to hblinds."
Many fish come in to see;
Many gulls they prove to be.
= LorsH Courier.
AS RULE book-keepers are ink-hned
to be pensive. Will some one kindly
tell us if blushing seamstress is not a
flushed sewer?
''THERE is no disgrace in being poor,
we are told, and we're bowling glad OF
il, for there are enough other dlsadYan-
tages about it. without that one.
MAID of Yonkers, ere we buss, tell me,
will you make afuss?-New York Nee0S.
Man of Gotham, ere you risk your life,
tell me, will you inform your wife,
Yonkers Gazette.
A RICHMOND physician says that If
people will take bath IN hot whisky
and rock salt twice year, they will es-
cape the rheumatism and colds. But
wouldn't that spoil the whisky?
DISCUSSED man says: "Why don't
hotels find some substitute for the ever
lasting beefsteak for breakfast" Bless
you, lots Of 'em do. Cowhide is the
favorite substitute. Boston Post.
HER name was Eva, and when Charles
Augustus called the other evening and
asked her to be his darling wiley, she
gently thrust him from her and sweetly
said: ''Not this Eva. Some other Eva.
Good Eva.
A RHODE ISLAND clergyman was given
permission to sing "The Sweet Bye and
Bye" in an insane asylum. Many pa
tients were moved. So was the clergy
man. A lunatic moved him clear down
stairs.
CIR! where did you get them trous-
ers?" asked an Hishman of man who
happened to be passing with n remark
ably short pair of trousers. 81 got
them where they grew" was the indig-
nant reply. "Then, by my conscience,
said Pat, you've pulled them year too
soon!''
In BosToN: Hsthetic young lady
''By the way, Mr.. Gosoftly, have you
read Bascom's Science of Mind?" ~
"N-n-naw. Tn not reading much now
a-days. I pass my time in original
Thought" HIsthetic young lady with
much sympathy)-''How very dreary, to
be sure"
IT WAS their first night aboard the
steamer. cat last" he said tenderly,
''we are all one, out upon the deep
waters of the dark blue sea, and your
heart will always beat for me as it has
beat in the past?" MY hearts all
right" she answered languidly, "but
my stomach feels awful"
"PR1soNER, you are accused of having
stolen the compliments pocket book; do
you plead guilty or not guilty." Guilty,
your Honor" "What was the motive
that impelled you to commit the crime?"
'I had a note coming due next day, and
could not bear the thought of having my
name dishonored!"-FigGrO.
WHEN q husband becomes angry and
swears before his family, he is not SO
much to blame; he doesn't know how it
sounds. His wife, really, is to blame
she ought to swear, too, to let him hear
how it sounds. Isn't this sound logic?-
kentucky State Journal. Well, we'll
be-ahem-yes-that-is-wen be com
PEELED to say that it is.--Stew6enuitIs
Herald.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03

The roses, nay love them not,
They only bring to me
Sad thoughts that waken In my hears
A bitter memory.
I loved her as a man can love
But once--and even yet,
Though 1 have learned how to forgive,
IT'S harder to forget.
Since then the summer sun has gonD
Full oft Ger hill and plain;
For me no sun can ever make
This earth so bright again.
I've seen the roses bloom and fade
Full oft since then, but they
Will never look the same to me
Until my dying day.
The white rose had purer tint
The red deeper glow,
They Dreathed sweeter perfume then--
All me, how long agol
love them not, but they recall
All that l would forget
A faithless woman whom loved
And whom must love yet.
When summer roses die no more,
When life knows no regret,
When summer sunshine fades no more,
Then, then, may forget.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03

ieves about four times az much az he
he can prove, and prove about four.
times az much az anybody believes.
The dog that viii follow anybody amt
with a cent. Those people who are
trieing to get to heaven on their kreed
will find out at last that they didn't hev
thru ticket. Too long courtships are
not always iudicious the party often
tire out scoring before the trot begins.
One quart of cheap whisky, judiciously
applied, will do more business for Satan
than the smartest deacon he has got
Josh Billings.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03

finest heroisms of the noblest men
Where the soil is poorest for humanity,
there is it the richest for egotisn. The
roots of the " Great T. are In us all.
more or less, but we prefer the less to
the more; and, if we must have excess,
would rather by far it was an excess of
thought for others than of thought for
OurSelf
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
BiIIingsiana.

have never known a sekond wife but
what was boss of the situashun. After
a man gifts to be 38 years old he can't
form any new habits much I; the best he
kan do is to steer the old ones. Emmy
man who kan sway horses or ketch fish
and not lie about it, IL just az plus az
men ever get to be IN this world. The
sasseyist man I ever met is a henpect
husband when he is away from home.
An enthusiast is an individual who be-
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03

TIE waters of Germany, France, En-
gland, Ireland and Scotland, thirty years
ago, were almost fshed out, and their
fish supply was well nigh exhausted !:
but scientific fish culture has restored
to them an abundant supply, greatly
cheapening this valuable food for people
of small means.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
Sixty Miles an H0nr.

This is the way the poet of the In
dianapolis Journal describes an engine
making up time:
The twain at last have struck their gait
The engine and the engineer;
"The train is twenty minutes later,
The smutty fireman gives 4 cheer,
He lets her out in giant strides;
She thrusts her slender arms of steel
Deep in the caskets at her sides;
The nervous creature seems TO feel
For something precious hidden there;
Plucks out great handfuls of the power
That gives her sixty miles an hour;
And filings and losses everywhere
Great volumes of the power asleep,
As if million heecy sheep
Turned out TO pasture in the air,
With glittering elbows ceaseless play,
She brightens night and darkens day.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03

DECISIONS in law suits are rendered
the same as lard is rendered-by trying.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
Railway Wrecks.

Erie freight trains collided near Elmira, N.
Y.,. on the 18th inst, by which engineer Fuller
and Brakeman 9!;,n Barret ret ana P9meroy were % IN
man Dunham mortally injured.
A broken wheel threw a Santa Fe freight
train from the track near Las Vegas, N. NJ, on
the 18th inst, reducing seven loaded cars to
kindling wood.
A coach and sleeper left the rails at Edward 8
depot near Vicksburg, Mass, on the 18th.
Many persons were injured.
At Wilmington, la., on the 18th inst, a wild
freight train ran into the rear of regular
freight train, cutting off the leg of onelegged
express messenger, and disabling tho engine
and several cars.
Thirty coal cars and IN engine woro wrecked
by passenger train, near Mount Carmel, Pa.,
on the 18th, on the Shamokin and Pottsville
road. The passengers were uninjured.
Two passenger trains on the Richmond and
Danville Railroad, collided near Richmond,
Va, on tho 18th inst. The engineers were bad
lV injured.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
WaShinet0n Gossip.

Sergeant Mason has addressed an appeal to
the police in which he admits that IN shooting
at Guiteau he did wrong, not because of tie
injury he intended to infict on Guiteau, but
because he had offended the law of the land.
He is yet Of the opinion that Guiteau ought to
have been killcd-in fact, that all assassins
and would-be assassins of the chief ruler of a
nation ought to be killed, and suggests rather
curious way Of dispatching them. They should,
he thinks, be put Unto ditch ten feet deep,
and all persons who hate assassius should be
permitted to throw mud on them, and when the
ditch is filed the place over tho assassin's body
should be covered with birthstone, that no
grass might grow thereon. Sergeant Mason
does not want people to applaud his unsoldier-
like conduct, but at the same time it is evident
that he does not like the criticism Gen. Sher-
man passed thereon. He thinks, too, that it is
rather degrading to United States soldiers to
place them to guard the life of the worthless
scoundrel Guiteau.
The contributions for the erection Of the
Garfield memorial church at Washington have
reached $26,000. It is proposed to preserve in
the new strueture the pew occupied for so
many years by the President, where Guiteau
first intended to kill him through the open win
dow.
On the 10th inst. DR.. French Lugenbeel,
brother of Mrs. Christiancy, sent a challenge to
the distinguished ex-senator to duel with pis-
tolls at any point within twenty miles OF Wash
ington. The ex-senator politely answered the
note, declining to settle existing differences in
such an unlawful manner. Lugenbeel will be
arrested.
The official report of the agricultural depart
ment gives poor outlook for corn and spring
wheat-especially the former, which is reported
at only about a half crop.
The civil authorities have taken no steps to
proceed against Sergeant Mason, who shot at
Guiteau. The military authorities have, there
fore, preferred charges and forwarded them to
Gen. Hancock. It is expected d courtmartial
will be summoned. g.,
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
AFiery ScOurqe.

A correspondent who landed at Port
Huron for the purpose Of looking into
the Michigan forest fires says that in ap-
preaching that port he saw great num-
bers of birds aaoat upon the water. In
q run of one hour he counted over one
hundred and fifty dead birds of various
forest varieties-namely, wood-peckers,
catbirds, bullfnches, robins and blue
jays-that passed by the boat. If the
whole lake is thickly covered there must
be several hundreds, if not thousands, Of
the corpses of birds in the lake: Be-
sides the birds the waters are tiecked
with drowned forest insects Of every de-
scription. These winged citizens OF the
woods are not slain by the fire, but driv-
en- by the heated air, flames and sparks.
The latter we're carried to great heights.
The birds and insects sought the clear
over the lake and were lost in the smoky
haze, probably hurt by the foul air and
finally dropped, tired out. into the
whelming pillows; and if the winged
birds died it may be certainly concluded
that the animals and people could hardly
oaoafoA
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
Political Notes.

On the 12th inst. tho Maine Republicans
elected 1x- Gov. Dingley to fill the vacancy
caused by Mr.. Frye's election to the senate.
His vote shows q large republican gain over
last year. The democrats and gresnbaclers
had united in supporting Gilbert green
hacker.
The above election adds another to the re-
publican members of the next house. Not
counting the four vacancies existing from New
York, the lower house Of the forty-seventh
Congress now stands 144 republicans, 1873 dem
ocrats, greenbackers, 2 readjusters from Vir-
ginia and one independent representative
(Smith Of Brooklyn) making present mem
bership Of 299 members. The elections for the
New York vacancies will be held in December.
Should the republicans elect three out of these
they will then have just the number of votes
required to organize the house-147. It seems
to be generally conceded that the republicans
will elect successors to Miller and Lapham
The democrats will no doubt elect a successor
to the late Fernando Wood, and they claim that
they will send member to fill the seat vacated
by Minister Morton. Should they carry both
these districts, that will leave the republicans
with only 146 members, but it is claimed that
Smith, of Brooklyn, will vote for a republican
organization, and that would give them the ad
ditional vote necessary to make a majority Of
the whole house. u
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
Sponges, American and Foreign.
(Frono the New York Snn.1


The best sponges are the best Ameri-
can sponges. They come from the West
Indies and the extremity of Florida.
But they are not sufficient to supply the
demand in the United States alone, and
60 sponges are imported from the Med
iterranean also. What is said to be the
largest American sponge ever found in
the West Indies or anywhere else is in q
glass-case before the door of William
street dealer. It is about two feet in
diameter, and.is said to measure eight
feet in circumference when full of water.
Many of the West Indian sponges are
exported from New York to London,
Paris, Germany and Holland. They are
especially useful for washing carriages
and for similar purposes. Common bath
sponges are usually from the Mediter-
ranean, and Syrian sponges are the kind
used in hospitals and by surgeons.
There are two ways of fishing for
sponges. Clear water is necessary for
the work, and sometimes a tub-ike
frame and magnifying lens are lowered
into the seas to aid in discovering the
beds of sponge. The sponges lie from
twenty to forty feet deep, and in the
MoQlC6TTaueau Ocd ulNcI6 ~ uOWu AAOAA
boats and separate the sponges from the
rocks. Off the Florida coast, and in the
West Indies, ropes are dragged over the
bottom and the loosened sponges come
to the surface and are gathered. Agents
for dealers in New York buy the sponges
from the pickers in Key West and Mas
sau, dry and clean them, and send them
north in bales, from ten to forty at a
time. They too, are scarce this year.
The demand is always good. Sponges
are sold by the pound, and the best
sponges are those e which are hea heaviest in n
sponges sold 50 cheaply by street ped
dlers are from the West Indies, and are
of fine texture, but are too light to be Of
any service. There are from forty to
sixty of them in pound, and they are
not durable. One of the half dozen
large dealers and importers of sponges
in William street said that the best
American sponges were the best in the
world, but that the beds were nearly ex-
hauefAl.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
A Poetic Reconciliation.

FTOm HaTptT'b M3s811UesJ .
Some time ago man came into Bal
timore lawyers Office in state Of great
excitement, and asked him to commence
proceedings for divorce. Mr.. Dobbin
heard him through, and then said, II
think I have something that will exactly
suit your case. Sit still, and will read
it to you." /
The man remained seated, all ear, sup
posing: he was to listen to Blackstone OF
Kent, when Mr.. Dobbin began to read
"Betsey and I are Out" By the time
he had ended the mans eyes were full q
tears. :,
ct believe will 60 home" he said
And he and his wife have lived happily
ever since,
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
The Turf.

Iroquois won the st. Leger stakes on the 18th.
This victory was an easy one. Geologist, who
came in second, was a length behind. Archer
rode the winner. Since his easy victory, ro-
quois has become second favorite for the Cesare-
witch stakes. This is the second time since the
foundation Of the Doncaster st. Leger in 1776
that it has been won by foreign-bred horse
The first foreign winner was the French horse
Gladiateur.
Thirty thousand people were present at Beacon
park, Boston, on the 18th. to witness the races.
In the great stallion race, there were but three
starters: Piedmont, Wedgewood and Santa
Claus. The latter won the first heat in 2:17sz,
Piedmont second. Piedmont won the second
heat, Santa Claus second time, 2:2OA. The
third heat was won by Santa Claus, Piedmont
second; time, 2:18 Santa Claus won the
fourth b! heat and ace, Piedmont second time,
2:19. The pacing race was won by Matte
Hunter, Lucy second; Bay Billy distanced ;
Rowdy Boy drawn: time, 2:1eH. Trinket
trotted for special purse Of $500 to beat her
own record of 2:171, and made mile in
2:16h.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
Traxical Tales

Thomas Stinson, of Chester, Pa, aged SO,
killed his wife and probably fatally stabbed
himself in a drunken fit on the 18th inst.
Charles Deter, of Yorktown, Ind,, fatally
shot Thomas Straight on the 18th inst, for
paying too much attention to MIS-. Deter, and
went back three miles to kill her, but. being
deferred by the presence of visitors, ended the
tragic affair by shooting himself. -:
At Rockland, Me-, on the 18th, Chas. Smith,
crazed by jealousy, killed his wife, infant son,
and mother-in-law, and then vainly attempted
the life of an old lady residing in the house.
An affray took place at Boston, on the 18th
inst, between George W Townsend, the noted
marine diver, and Harry Forbes. The latter
shot his antagonist fatally and then killed him
self. -
Andrew Kountznan, q shoemaker, Of Pitts
burgh, who had just been released from jail,
assaulted his wife and q boarder in his house
with piece of iron, on tho 18th inst, and then
ended his own life with razor. Mrs. Kountz-
man was fatally injured.
At a Kansas City, Mo-, wedding, on the night
Of the 18th, during q dance, party Of roughs
intruded and g. row ensued, in which DeRoy
Wiltang, one of the gang, was shot in the head
and killed by J. B. Jones, one of the guests.
It is claimed that the shooting was in self-de.
fense. Jones and two others were arrested:
Henry Willett, Of Alton, Ohio, killed Tom
Thompson, . rival saloon keeper, with q ham.
mers on the 10th. Il: ~. -, .,<*.s, ~
Benjamin Beatty, Of milford, Ohio, shot and
fatally wounded Dr. J. T. Abrams on the night
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
Condition of the President.

On the forenoon of the 18th inst. the patient
was attacked by pynmic chill, which lasted
half On hour, and which was followed by q
nausea. The pulse went up to 1877, and tue
temperature and respiration also rose greatly.
In the afternoon the President rallied some
what, and the pulse fell. The temperature
fell, however, below the normal point, and that
was taken as an indication that another chill
was to follow, but prompt measures by the
the physicians averted the attack. The pa
TENTS stomach is now unable to assimilate food,
or at least in sufficient quantities to supply the
waste caused by the fever and the suppuration
from the wound, and the physicians have re:
sorted to the administration of defbrinated
beef blood by enema. Artificial means are also
resorted to in order to keep up the temperature
Of the patients extremities. 1t is evident that
an exceedingly dangerous crisis in the case has
been reached. The Presidents temperature
was never before so low at noon as it was at
noon on the 18th. Only once at any hour has
the Same figure been touched, and that was on
Sunday, July Sd, when all supposed the patient
to be dying. Attorney General McVeagh, in
his telegram to Minister Lowell, said that the
President's condition then was probably more
critical than it had been at any time heretofore.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
Terrific Explosions.

An explosion of boiler in Card & Co. 9 saw
mill near Monroe, Jasper county, Iowa, on. tho
10th inst, resulted in the killing of E. N. Gar
net, and the fatal injury of NJ. L. Card.
Tho boiler of q tug lying in dry dock at Jer-
soy City, exploded oD the morning of the 18th
horse were struck BY piece e Of the yinc boiler @
and tho horse was killed and the boys leg cut
off. The boiler was blown a distance of 600
feet,
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
Terrible Forest Fires.

William Pixley, brother of Frank Pixley,
while attempting to burn out some poison OAK
at his country seat at the foot of Mount Ia
maulipas, California. started fire which swept
over an area Of q, 600 acres, and at last &C
thrifty settled part of the country, but thus fa1
only one house has been destroyed. The body
of William Pixley, who started the fire, was
found by his son in Baltimore Gulch. He died
while fighting the flames, his hand still grasp
ing the shovel. Great volumes of smoke
caused report that Mount Tamaulipas had de.
veloped volcano. In some cases cinders and
charred leaves were carried on the wind tc
San Francisco.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
Practical Demonstration Of the Cate
cf1ism.
TFrom Harper's Magazine.J
r.4 1o,,n. an.o q h1.ipht little girl in

from Harper's MagaZlne]
Not long ago a bright little girl IN the
Sunday school OF st: st: L. Luxe, te. M%m, Go1vo,t
catechism class, taught by Miss s.,
and evidently had reached the bottom
facts Of the lesson-the creation of man
out of the dust of the earth-came run:
ming home to her mother, overfull Of
confidence in the scripture theory and
her own reflective conclusions, and ex-
claimed: -
"Oh, mother, I know it is all true
what the catechism said about Adams
being made out of the dust OF the earth
Il know it isl"
"Why?"
"Because I saw Aunt Emma whip
Oracle. and I saw the dust fly out OF
her. I know it is so. .,
Little Oracle had been playing with
ashes. '.-
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21

The legislature of Georgia has killed the bill
to appropriate 81, ,0Oo, 900 to build new capital
by large majority, The present capital build
ing was originally intended for an opera house,
and is not only unsuitable for state house,
but is unsafe. The dead bill provided for the
expenditure of 100000 per annum until the
whole amount was paid, at the end Of the five
years time set apart to construct the new edifce.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
Cl,risliancv Robbed.

Ex-Minister Christiancy was robbed at Wash
ington, on the 18th inst, of $4,000 worth Of
diamonds and jowelry, i'll a strong box in his
room in the National Hotel. Thieves forced
the door and secured the plunder during Chris
tiancy temporary absence. The jewels were
not properly Christiancy's, but left with him for
safe keeping. It is believed that thieves fol-
lowed Christiancy from New York.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21

STATE-Dv1s1oN talk in Southern California
shows that San Luis Obispo refused to send
delegates to the convention called at Los An
geles. San Diego opposes the move Ventura,
San Bernardino and Santa Barbara want the
promise of the capital before they support a
division. Los Angeles is the only county that
seems to be agitating the subject with any
onarov
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
VARIOUS TOPICS.

PRESIDENT WHITE thinks electricity will soon
supersede steam as motor for cars, at least in
cities. He describes the Siemens apparatus aa
box underneath the floor about three feet
long, and two feet broad, and eighteen inches
high. The car stops and starts as easily as
horse cars and runs at the rato Of about fifteen
or twenty miles an hour.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-09-21
A Fearful TYDhOOn.

According to the advices received at Plymouth,
England, a fearful typhoon has visited Shang-
hal, driving over two hundred vessels of all
nationalities on shore, uprooting trees and lev
cling with the ground lines of houses. During
the storm, which lasted barely an hour. over
ten inches of RAIN fell. Hundreds of native
sampans sank with their occupants. About
:e60O, 900 worth of tea, stored for shipment,
was washed away and lost. A portion of the
sailors home was blown away.