Litchfield enquirer., 1881-04-07
CLIPPINGS. .

impecunions, but yet It IS not preferred debt. M "a "A E The. lazy boy fears that if he once begins to earn his own living he will besalwayeexpect. Led toldo it %s4As~ @%s as4@S
 .He doctor ?" said old Chawbones, speak. ing of young practitioner. ''Why, he could not cure ham,"
 1 New Workers pay higher salaries to clergy. i nen than does and other city. But then it's lieapainore work to save New Yorker than any other man.
 A speeches. woman in Oswego has recov cred her voice through prayer, and now there is no hope of ever converting her husband "He is a perfect brute, only he lacks in stinct," was the uncomplmentary description of an unlovely individual.
 The editor of the Jamestown Journal dis plays the characteristic of candor. to say the least. He soberly remarks April fools day is the next day we celebrate.
 'Sir," said vainglorious actor to Charles Kean at the Brighton theatre during a rehear- know the play backward" ..ProbablY you do. Was the reply, but that is not the way play it." sgE SSsfikS Oid DeacOu FilkBSs Sdlu tO hlDSelfs@ at- staff asks, Whats honor2 as though it Ewas other woman in church and she'll tell what's on her in less than ten minutes" A man who had suddenly acquired great wealth. recently attended dinner party at which there was the usual inlet of beef with mushrooms. While engaged upon the beef | he whispered to his neighbor: Do you eat 1 thp clothes heads toO 2'
 Gan give my son college edueation at homer" asks af5nd.parent. FWeil,syou may 1 be able tc teacb him as much of Greek and 1 Latin and mathenlaties as the cnllegeuconld, but you never cantso Thoroughly imbue him with the idea that everybody else is a blamed fool.
 The other day the Galveston Recorder was grossly insulted by prisoner, who is reg ularly ordained chicken thief, for which of fence he was being tried II fine you 10," said the Recorder. "Jedge, eff you will take it out in chickens I'll let you hab dem chick ems you mist last week at ten cents less dan | de market price, f{tft
 Little Gracie who was quite familiar with the hurdy gurdy and it's smian attachment, but who was making her first acquaintance with the church organ, watched the player long and earnestly. Finally her eye caught the blower, pumping up and down in the background. "Mamr.a." she exclaimed, that's the biggest monkey l ever did see"
 The unities not preserved Last Sunday a Galveston boy came home radiant from Sun- day school and exclaimed: Fl was the only 1 boy in my class, All the rest of the boys went down te the railroad to see the circus cone h." That's rights my son." said the proud parent; ''never neglect your~S Sunday school duties. But did the circus really ar rive?" ''Of course it did. Didn't I see it myseli?"
 A voice from the Waste Paper Basket of Punch. : Cynical and Waggish Friend (to Ed itor): '1 suppose you often get good things | sent you ?" Editor Internationally: Occasion appear" [Chuckles Edi.or:, .'So disappoint- ed contributors always tell me e''s Fogg-"I say, Jones, that dog ofyours gave me an awful fright last night. AS was passing your house he came tearing out of the yard barking and yelping like all possessed" /" Jones' ''Oh, he won't hurt you, Fogg; he's perfectly harmless He began to be harmless just after he ran at me last night. had my revolver in my pocket. Good morning, Jones! J! IlAreT fA2L39Q.-
 He came in to say that he attended a meet ing last evening. II made an address, he said ''but please don't use my name. ask it as a favor. If you should, however, be careful to spell it with final e, and say that 1 reside on North Chestnut square, and that do business at the'old stand, where have always on hand full assortment of" etc., etc., etc. We shall respect MT. feelings and say nothing about him. < I 8
 Of the late MT. Carlyle, it is said, ''that, after having passed sleepless nights, owing to the horrible noise made by a Cochin China cock in a neighboring garden, Carlyle inter- viewed the proprietor Of the fowl, and expos, tnlated. The owner, a woman, did not think Mir. Carlyle had much cause for complaint the cock only crew three of four times in the night 'Eh, but. woman,' said the unfortu- nate philosopher if you only knew what I suffered aoaitirag tor him to eroso !'"
 A colored man who is pretty we'll off has had his son educated for the ministry.ru Last Sunday, the Galyestnn Blue Light colored tabernacle was crowded to hear thesyoung man pieach his first sermon. It was splen- did effort, and the father of the young ex- horter was as happy as a clam in thirty feet of water. The day after he was asked by friend how he liked his sons sermon "How does 1 like it? Why dat ar boy breaches like
 
 A tramp was looking wistfully into coffee saloon on Galveston avenue. He smacked his lips and said: Il wish l had some cof- fee!' A kind hearted gentleman reached in his pocket, and taking out ten cents, hand ed it to the unfortunate man, saying, "Go and get some coffee. if you need it so bad" The, tramp took the money, but instead of going into the coffee saloon he made bee line fora bar room. ''Hello! Come back There is no coffee over there," cailed ont the benefac- tor That's all you know about it. There IS coffee ana cloves in saucer on the bar. I've been there before D
 On certain day, years ago, two men and an Indian squaw arrived at a swampy spot with wagon. They went to work and stuck up rude shanty man shot woodchuck, and the squaw skinned and cooked it. They ate the woodchuck. Then they all crawled into the shanty and went to sleep. These pro. ceedngs. ridiculous as it may seem, are to be celebrated in grand style with much bray ing of trumpets and beating of drums. Much gunpowder is to be fired and several men blown up, to celebrate the slaying of the woodchuck. For of the proceedings of those l two men and that squaw consisted the found ing of Chicago } 4 Ha8s#x # MISCELLANEOUS.