The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1881-11-05
Our 0lo.
For the Democratic AdUocate.
0uriosities of Advertising.
RYI z NJ


pulse of universal activity. The newspa-
per has long been acknowledged as the
very life of nations existence, not only
for the news it gives, but for the means it
presents to the merchant and manufac-
turer, by which they may make known
their wares. OF course advertisements
are, in a general sense, serious affairs ia
themselves, but there are instances where
the humorous and the curious crop out to
the delight of others, and oftentimes to
the prof.. of their authors. Such contain
not only rare instances of human peculi-
arities, but afford q general view Of the
! life aud idiosyncrasies of the business
world. A close observer, in picking up a
large daily paper, will almost invariably
fnd something interesting, unique and
amusing in the advertising columns. A
few examples are given below.
/ It is claimed by one who has looked
into the matter that the earliest advertise
meut published in the English language
was an offer of a reward for the recovery
of ''piebald nag" Inserted in London
paper, entitled 'The Moderator. The
same writer also says that Mrs. Claudia
Faber won the indispatable honor Of origi-
mating the custom of quack medicine ad-
vertisiug by setting before the world the
merits Of her "Aurem Potable le"-doubt-
less some exhiliarating cure-all compound.
That she has had many imitators it is
needless to note. This branch Of adver-
tising is pursued with greater pertiuaeity
/ than any other, aud the means invented
/ to attract attention are wonderful in the
variety of their devises. 4 hrm, a short
time since, advertised for a competent
person to take the sale of its new medi-
cine, aud added that SIT will be highly
lucrative to the undertaken, "a fact that
we don, dispute Another mao dropped
into to poetry aud informed his customers
I that
! The miiis Of The Gods grind sleUly.
But is srinds exceedingly small
m hound @ sell nay llnsnent
For twenty cents. bottle and al.
/ A manufacturer of cod liver oil thus
defes competition THE Goldfish Of the
open sea IS pursued by the whale, the
shark, etc, and lives in continual terror,
I and hence, like all animals under the
same condition, has liver disease, jauadiee,
and the rest. | avoid the mistake Of or
dinary manufactures by obtaining my fish
where no marine monster can obtain ac-
cess They live peaeeabiy and die healthy.
This IS why my oil is the best
The patent medicine man is irrepFessi-
bic under all circumstances. Like Mae.
beth's ghost, he viii NOS down.
AT recent funeral, says the Chicago
/ Post, ia DSs MOincs, Iowa, the minister,
after some pathetic remarks, inquired IL
aay dear friend of the deceased wished to
say anything on this solemn occasion. A
stranger here stepped forward, and, after
expressing sympathy with the friends Of
I the deceased, remarked that the ways Of
I Providence we're iuseratable. and, in this
connection, he wished TO say that be was
I the agent for q frst-elass article Of hair
vigor for the State Of Iowa. The corpse
had used il for years With great advan-
lage, and he confidently recommended il,
especially 10 the minister aud the under
laker, as be perceived they were both
f painfally bald. "Shake the bottle, gentle
men, he exclaimed, earnestly rising with
the occasion, "and rub the matter well 10
with a stiff brush" AT this stage Of the
proceedings slight disturbance occurred
| aud the hair vigor man disappeared. "
This piece Of impudenco was almost
egualIed, however, BY Chicago hair re-
storer agent, who Sent out into the city
suburbs, stuck his posters all over a church
4 pulpit, aud then asked minister 70 call
attention to them.
Plain prose does not always tally with
the fastidious taste Of certain advertisers.
They desire something more powerful to
invest With proper altraetiseness the an
nonneement Of their goods. Hence, they
have harnessed the poetic steed for their
use. Listen TO this sweet bard as be siugs.
i "ohf come into tse Earien, Maud,
And sit beneath the lose,
Aud SC me prAnce around the BEDS
DRESSED ia my sunday clothes.
oh come aad bring your uncles Maud
Your sisters and your aunts
And sell them Johnson made my coat,
Ny Wais1eO2I and my paiiis
Not less immense is the following. II
Is in fact quite utterly utter, and the
mingling of maekerel and emotios, cheese
aud affection, sugar and passion, is really
I sweet
/ Oh say not love you because the molasses
You purchased AZ SIMPSON was golden and clear
/ The syrup, the sugar, ihe Jelly "a glass.
! The crackers, the mackeFel, knoH were not Gear
But when you came 70 me with simpsons smoked
! And showed me his samples Of Iimberser cheese
I eii that his claim 10 be cheap vas not gaiemon;
I loved yoG and said ~, dear Jane, on nay knees
This calls to mind another specimen,
which was found in the columns OF an OBJ
scure Western weekly. Plain prose here
suiiees the weeping widow. The pathOs 10
this mixture of grief aud business is only
exceeded by the orthography;
ss0thneil Siigreaves, We are sorry to
stait, has deceased. He departed this
last Munday. He went 4th without any
struggle, aud stitch is life. He kept nice
store, which his wife now waits on. His
yirchews was numerous, and his wife IN
herits them. We are happy to stait that
he never cheeted, speshully in the wait of
maekerel, which was always nice and smelt
sweet, and his surviving wife is the same
way. We niver knew him to put sand IN
his sugar, though he had big sandbar IN
front Of his house; nor water his hckers,
tho tae Ohio river past his dore. Piece
to his remanes. He leaves / wife, 8 chill
dren, kow, 4 horses, growers, and
otherr quadrupeds to mourn his loss. But
10 the langwidge of the poet, his loss Is
their eternal game"
Here is an indication of matrimonial
infelicity from Oregon, which is so unique
as to merit insertion in this collection
NOTICE is hereby given that my wife!
Belle Williams, has left my bed and board
without just cause or provocatiOn, aud mol
being responsible for debts Of my o'on con
tracing, L hope no person will be foolish
enough to trust her on my account
"JNo. S. WILLIAMS"
The personal column is the place to find
advertising absurdities. The ambiguity ol
the following are hard to match. They
are from England:
"Missing from Killarney, Jane OFoS
erty, she had in her arms 2 babies and q
Guernsey COW, all black, with red hair and
tortoise shell combs behind her ears, and
large spots all down her back, which
squints awfully."