The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1881-08-03
Lambertyille. Aug. Isl. 1881.


some interest has taken place in the country
near this place, aud as many Of your readers
are DESTROYS of being posted up with the cur
rent news Of the day, will avail myself the
use of your columns with your peraissioD1
and if any Inaccuracies creep in, you viii
doubtless afford the parties the same privilege
If they should feel aggrieved.
About year since, well-to-do farmer in
West Amwell, after enjoying the questionable
sweets Of single blessedness for some fourteen
years, concluded that paying wages to a
housek eeper was the merest folly, while so
many attractive ladies aud widows conld be
had for the asking. by the way, should
have stated that be was widower.) BY a
careful calculation be ascertained that he
would have been about 81, 900 better of, If he
had made lis mathematical calculations years
ago. But s'better late than never By
some means he became acquainted with a
very respectable lady OF some means, 10 our
little city, and whether because Of the few
thousands she possessed, or beeause he loved
her for herself,v know not, but certain it
was that the old sorrel mare was often seen
tied to the widow post ia trout OF her door.
As both had pleasant remembrances Of matri-
monial felicity, 1t is not strange that matters
were railroaded through at an alarming rate.
They both evidently meant business and
were soon made bone of one bone aud flesh
of one flesh, - apparently; / must qualify it
somew hat. d For few weeks the happy hus-
band was all endearment and his classic brow
oft-times rested on her gentle breast in the
evening twilight after his days work was
done. Spring came, and The robins built their
nests In the trees around his door. As he
followed the pillow he sang snatches Of love
songs, and then IL was that the frightened
birds flew in terror from their nests and bid
themselves in the foliage of the trees. One
song In particular made the welkin ring
" Call me pet names, darling; call me thy own,
Speak to me kindly in loves low tone.
Let not thy looks nor thy love grow cold,
Love forever although am old. & ~
Oh how my heart (gizsard Keeps pining for one fond
word, H1sf9
Call me pet names. darling, call me bird"
Whether he meant canary, or a scarlet
tanager, or a crow, know not. but am in
clined to think that he meant small bird of
some kind. certainly would not be unchar-
table enough to think it was crow. The
new wife soon discovered that notwthstand-
ing his musical abilities, he was totally desti-
tute Of the finer feelings SO very desirable in
husband, and that she was nothing but a
drudge, so to speak, in his households mere
convenience, and that her mission was but to
feed the chickens and pigs in order to save
f. L. 49, as,I
grew cheap. The hens at the barn positively
refused to lay at the prices paid in Lambert
vile, and struck forhigher rates. Noamount
of coaxing, or driving, or feeding could move
them, and the proprietor, not understanding
how it was, grew suspicious and wrathful,
and imagined that his wfe's membranes
were secreting and bartering the hen fruit
away for gew-gaws and gold chains. So he
set one OF the daughters, a very pretty, inter
esting girl, up in the boot business without
further ceremony, and as a consequence, a
rebellion at once was inaugurated, of alarming
proportions, by the wife, and for once he was
conquered and oatwitted as well as forsaken
A warrant was sued our fe--.ia loving hus;
| Ger, file of wagons appeared on the premises
which left soon after filled to their utmost Ca
pacity with the furniture with which his wife
had furnished the house. After having given
bonds for his appearance at Court, he at once
made tracks for home, and found the house
minus everything except tick well filed with
straw. Disguised with everything that wore
pettcoats, he threw himself down upon 1t,
nor walked till the bright sun was streaming
its golden light upon him next morning.
Hurriedly dressing himself, he marched down
stairs to behold the desolation around him.
So stands the matter now. The wife is now
living here apparently as happy as ever, and
the husband of year is distressed beyond
measure to know that $500 is imperatively
wanted the first week In August, which he in-
discreetiy borrowed Of her during the billing
and cooling period. Truly the path of true
love never did run SMOOTH l have only to
say, long life and q world of happiness to
each, and earnestly trust that IL another VEN
ture should be made by the sturdy yeoman In
the way Of replenishing his household he
may meet with the success he so richly merits.
n<s.u