The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1881-12-13
Ole asteLEIasttar
SPOOPESDYKE.

as he drew gun from the case and eye
it critically, II want you to wake me u
early in the morning. I'm going shooting.
isn't that too sweet" calculated Mn
spOopendyke. "pn wear my new dres
and my Saratoga waves. Where do "
go2"
"Im going down to the island, ant
you'll so as far as the front door," gruntet
Mr., Spoopendyke, women don't 9
shooting. It's only men, All you've go
to do is TO wake me up and get breakfast
When l come home we'll have som'
birds"
won't that be nice!" chimed Air
Spoopendyke. Can you catch birds will
that thing| and Mrs, spOopendyke tut
tered around the improved breech loadini
shot gun, firmly impressed with the idea
that 1t was some kind VI trap.
Il can kill 'em with this" exclaimed
Mr.. Spoopendyke. This is a gun, my
dear; It isn't nest with three speckled
eggs in it, nor is 1t barn with holein the
roof You stick the cartridge in here and
pull this fnger-piece, and down comeayou'
bird every time"
"Isn't that the greatest thing! suppose
lit you don't want partridge you can stick
duck or turkey in that end, too, or fish
orr lobster, and bring it down just as
quick"
"ies, or you can stick house or corn
field, or q dod gasted female idiot in there,
TOO, if'you want TO i" snorted Mr.. Spoopen'
dyke. "Who said anything about y part.
ridge? It's cartridge that goes in there. "
"OhW calculated Mrs, Spoopendyke,
rather crestfallen. II see now, Where
does the bird go?"
ut goes to night school, il he hasn't got
any more sense than you have" snorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke, look here, now, aud
III show you how It works" and Str
Spoopendyke, whose ideas of q gun were
about as vague as those Of his wife, inserted
the cartridge hall way inthe muzzle end,
and cautiously cooked the weapon.
"And when the bird sees that he comes
and pecks il Isn't that the funniest !"
and Mrs Spoopendyke Clapped her hands
in the enjoyment OF her discovery. "Then
You put out your hand and catch himW
you've struck Ill" howled Mr., Spoopen.
dyke, who had the hammer on the half
cock and WINS vainly pulling at the trigger
to get it down. That's the idea All you
need is four feathers and gas bill to be a
martingale! With your notions you only
want a new stock and steam triphammer
to be a needle gum Don't you know the
dOd gnsted thing has to go off before you
get bird! You shoot the birds; you don't
wait Tor 'em TO shoot you'll"
AT home we used always TO chop their
heads off with an Ak, faltered Mrs, Spoop.
endyke.
80 would l II was going after measly
old hens" retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke, who
had managed TO uncock the continuance,
"but when | go for yellow birds and spar
rows | go like sportsman. While I'm
waiting Tor bird, continued Mr.. "Spoop-
endyke, adjusting the cartridge at the
breech, ~ put the load In here for safety,
and when / see q flock aim and fire"
Bang went the gun, knocking the tail
feathers out OF an eight.day clock and pillow.
ing foot furrow in the wall, perforating
the closet door and eliminating in Mr..
Spoopendyke's plug hat.
Goodness, gracious" squeaked Mrs
Spoopendyke, "0h, my!"
Mr.. spoopendyke gathered himself up
and contemplated the damage.
"Why couldn't ye keep still !" he shrek.
ed. "What'd ye want to disturb my aim
for and make ME let it Off Think can
hold back charge Of powder and pound
ofshot while lneasly woman is soaring
ii through gun barrelI /"
"It 1t had been bird how nicely you
would have shotit Il" suggested Mrs, Spoop-
endyke, soothingly. "lf you should ever
aim at bird you'd catch him sure"
"0h, you know what could dol With
your information about gunnery you only
need wad in your mouth and kick like
a mule to be a mountain howitzer! II
had your intelligence on sporting subjects
I'd hire out for shot tower. Don't you
know you've spoiled the dOd gasted gun 2"
And Mr.. Spoopendyke, anxious for some
excuse to take Il back to his friend speckle-
wottle, who loaned II TO him, held II out
and eyed his wife sternly. you've ruined
that gum" he continued, solemnly. ut
won't ever 60 of again"
"Never mind, DEAR" consoled Mrs.
Spoopendyke. TITS been off enough, and
I'd Just as lief have some clans as birds:
You go to bed, and we'll try 10 do without
any birds"
ut won't never go of again." repeated
Mr.. spoopendyke, as he climbed into his
couch. "That is a ruined gun" and he
turned his face 10 the wall,
Mrs spoopendyke slowly disrobed, hay
ing ut first turned d stream Of water into
the gun from the faucet, and betook her to
rest. ut may not go Oft again, she thought,
"but II it does the neighbors will think the
water main has burst with which reaec.
ton she began to pat the ear OF Mr.. Spoop
endyke, who turned over like IN earth.
quake, and wanted 10 know II she thought
she hadn't done enough mischief without
lamming him like dod gasted blacksmith.