Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-12-21
FUNNYGRAPHS,

she may retaliate with "my executed
husband"
The attention of the government has
been called to the fact that Adelina Pat
it's tour through the country will be
costly " star route"
A DEvIL-FIsH with arms thirty-two
feet long has been caught on the banks
of Newfoundland. What cashier he
would have made !-Detroit Free Press.
He was asked if he knew the difference
between +" starboard' and sport" and
with knowing leer replied ssH'm,
well, rather, and [ prefer port
Ii two-wheeled vehicle is a bicycle,
and a three-wheeled a tricycle., it does
not follow that the one-wheeled is an
icicle. 1t is a wheelbarrow.
WHENEVER doctor visits a cemetery
he sees the finger of patients on several
monuments smiling at grief.-New York
Commercial Advertiser.
MISERY may love company" saws q
colered philosopher, "but I'd ruther
hab de rhumatiz in one leg den ter hab
it in bof.
In Pennsylvania they mix lard, but
ter and mashed potatoes together, ard
sell it for "Golden Tint" butter.
That's one of the new fall tints, prob
ably.
FRoUDE says: eve cannot live on
probabilities The probability is that
we cannot, but they are the first thing a
man goes for every morning, after taking
up his paper.-LoaOeU Citizen.
A Troy poet makes mementos"
rhyme with "my ten toes" Such
poetry should be V-toed. No matter
how many eject" line may have, {" ten
toes" is too much. -Norr5sto1a Herald.
VERY small boy TO stout aunt on cob:
81 say auntie, don't you try for a gate
Come along with ne! I've found
capital little hole we can creep through,
and be even with the best of EN- 2"
"THIs is picture of Freddy's rab-
bits" "But it is a picture of fox"
"The fox is very fat. ," ''But where are
Freddy's rabbits ?" ''Freddy's rabbits
are in the fox"
SILVER dollars with holes in them are
painfully numerous, but they are not
half so painfully numerous as holes with
out any silver dollars around them
Philadel1ohi0 NeaUs.
A JIe-DANCER, who applied for posi-
ton as brakeman on the Pennsylvania
Railroad, was refused, because the off
Gals feared breakdown if he was on
the train.-Philadello7 Sunday Item.
A LADY demonstrated with green CIR!
who had washed table dish In wash
basin. She nearly convulsed the whole
family by replying: "Well, mum, but
[ clanes the basin again afore anybody
washes in it.
If one dog can be placed on a cent,
how many can be placed on a trade dol
lar ?-PortSnaouth Times. IF one hun
dred dogs with scents can be placed in a
pound, how many could you get in q
ton? Government measure.)
| OLD PETE's wisest remark: "Ef de
| descendants oh de rooster what crowed
at Peter was to make noise cherry time
a lie is told, dar would be SIGH noise in
de world dat yer couldn't hear de hens
cackle."
The newspapers will be the right
wing of the apocalyptic angel, and the
cylinders of the Christian printing press
will be the front wheels Of the Lords
chariot. -Tatna0ge. Meanwhile news
papers can be used for covering pantry
shelves as usual.-SyracuSe Herald.
A FRENCHMAN has invented a Ian
guage that she claims everybody on earth
can learn to speak. The Frenchman has
evidently been serenaded by couple of
! bagpipes, and found the other languages
too weak to do the occasion Justice
Norristoa07a Herald.
"DoEs it pay to steal ?" asks the
Philadelphia Times. It does, esteemed
| r. ,Lo1~r-
l'pay the thief, but just think of the large
numbers of criminal lawyers to whom it
furnishes a fat living PhiIadelphi0
Herald.
A SMALL girl, who had been ponder
ing upon the question of the sunrise
and sunset gun which she heard daily in
New York city, startled her father re-
Gently with the inquiry: "Does God
shoot the gun up in the morning and
| shoot it down at night ?"
"WHAT is wine made of ?" asked an
Austin teacher, Of Johnny Fizzletop,
who said he didn't know. you ought
| to know, for last summer I saw you
climbing over fence to get into grape
arbor. What did you get there 90 GA
licking. "-Teras Siftings.
| A ROCHESTER street-car horse shot
out with his heels the other day and hit
the driver with one and the cash-box
with the other, and an investigation
showed that he had kicked six dollars in
to the drivers pocket. Such wonderful
sagacity on the part of the animal caused
the discharge of the driver. -Detroit
| Free Press.
II is well-known fact that a grind
stone sometimes explodes into frag-
ments. Marble, we fear, is hardly safe
for seulptors to use, as we noticed pla-
card in an art gallery the other day, evil
| IDENTIFY intended to warn visitors of dan
ger, which read: {" Parian Marble
| Busts. - 0tDcOb Strauss.
HERE we Have an Album. It is Full
of Pictures for little Children with Dirty
Fingers to Look at. Here are two Pic
lures of Papa. This is one of Him be-
/ Il 4 I'll - T