Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1881-02-05
MAKING HONE ATTRACTIVE.
How a True Wife SET About the Cen.
version Of Her Husband.
Evansville Courier.

INdiisNiue SOuTler.
Mrs. Higginbottom, as first step,
visited her husbands favorite concert
saloon under the protection Of dis
guise and detective officer. When she
had learned what were the attractions
which most powerfully appealed to Mr..
Higginbottom's mind, she proceeded to
produce them as far as practicable in
her own house. She had the parlor car
pet taken up and the bare floor sprink-
led with beer and cigM stumps. She
removed the pictures from the walls,
and hung in their places cheap and
gaudy chromos representing impossible
young women in undesirable costumes.
Two dirty wooden tables pd supply
of wooden chairs from the Kitchen CON-
pleted the furniture of the room, and it
began to assume a really attractive ap-
pearance.
Before the hour of her husbands re-
turn from his business, Mrs. Higginbc.-
tom hired a man to play on an accor-
deon and another to torture a yiolin, be-
sides three professional arunkards Of
great indecency of appearance and con-
duet, and notorious burglar, kindly
furnished for the occasion by the police
captain of the precinct. There were in
the kitchen two Irish girls who were
decidedly ugly, bat who were clean, de-
cent and modest girls. These two she
instructed in the art of serving beer and
spirits, and dressed them in costumes
that were extremely vulgar, though
they could not be said to be improper.
Having thus arranged all things she
met her husband at the door and es-
corted him to the dining room, where
he ate his dinner, unconscious of the
transformation that had been wrought
in his front parlor.
After dinner Mr.. Higginbottom lit his
cigar, aud remarked that he must go
ont an hour or two to see a friend. His
wife, with u sweet smile, told him that
he need not 60 ont, for she had finally
discovered how to make home attractive
for him. So saying, she showed. him
into the parlor and led to seat at one
of the dirty tables. The fiddler and the
accordion player Immediately struck up;
the drunkards, at sign from Mrs. Hig-
ginbottom, began to swear and wrangle,
and the burglar sided up to Mr.. Higgin-
bottom and invited him to drink. The
two Irish girls brought beer and spilled
it on Mr.. Hieginbottom's table T.; they
called him 'Dear," and asked him to
"open bottle of wine," and Mrs. Hig-
gnbottom apologizing for the fact that
they were undeniably decent girls, as
snred her husband that nevertheless she
was confident that she had finally learn
ed how to make home attractive, that
she hoped to spend many jolly evenings
with him. and would like q hot whisky
without any further delay.
Mr.. Higginbottom was first complete
ly dazed, but in a few moments he re-
covered his reason. He ordered the
girls to 60 into the kitchen and stay
there, and he pitched the drunkards ont
of the front door and ordered the musi-
clans and the burglar to follow them.
He then informed his wife that he had
been an idiot of the very largest size,
and that if she would restore the parlor
to its former condition he would stay at
home and make no further complaint Of
it's want OF attractiveness.