davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-12-22
Old lsOm's Joke.

The other day show came to Little
Rock and was shamefully imposed upon
by old Isom. While standing near the
tent he saw crowd of '.low spirited
boys. grieving on account of financial
depression.
Does yer youngsters want ter go
inter de exhibition he asked.
The boys responded in noisy chorus.
"Well, come on, den. l lister be a
chile myself, an unlike de mos OBJ
men. hain't forgot hit. Count desc
boys" he added, addressing the door
keeper. The man began counting. and
by the time the boys had passed in,
IsOm was walking around, talking to
acquaintance from the plantations.
''Here." said the Snowman. '.give me
twenty tickets"
What fur? Does yer think me a
lottery agent?"
"You passed in twenty boys, and 1
want the tickets or the money"
II doan owe yer no tickets, an /
doan owe yer no money"
YOU'RE an old liar"
"LoOk q heah, mister, yer'd better
canvass this subject fore yer filings
out SIGH q invitation. / didn't tell
yer ter pass de boys in. said count
'em. Use always heard dat showmen
is good in 'rithmetic, an l wanted to
satisfy myself. Yer say dat dar was
twenty boys. 1 doan 'spute yer word.
case amt no mathetician. S'posen l
take lot OBJ boys ter de cashier OBJ q
bank an axes him ter count 'em, does
dat signify dat de cashier is gwine ter
pass EN- inter de money room? No, sab!
Go on back ter yer tent, for sees a
regiment goin' in"
The Snowman. remembering that he
had left the entrance unguarded, turned.
when Isom ran away with an agility
rarely exhibited in an old man.-LitLe
Rock Gazette.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-12-22
Shsald There Net Be Q Change .
Cropss


Over and over again experience has
shown that in those Districts where u
diversified style Of agriculture is carried
on. the average profits Of q series Of
wears are greater than when the pro-
Queer is dependent on one thing.
Noting this, some teachers go on the
opposite extreme, and would plant
equally Of all crops. and follow equally
every branch of farming. But we hold
that that is as great an error as to fol-
low out too closely the one idea just
now the agriculturisfs of the South are
getting their annual advice to grow less
cotton and more corn. 1t is even said
chat the "grangers' have Incorporated
This advice as one Of the leading articles
Of faith in their Southern creed. But
from all we have read and noted, the
South with all its love Of cotton never
had half so much drug as some of the
Eastern States have had of wheat or
corn.
1t is the wisest policy for every farm
er to have some one leading feature on
which to depend that he finds his soil
and climate best fitted for, or his mar
ket the most encouraging for him to
produce. These may possibly fail. and
in view thereof other things should be
grown which will work in with the 9TH
ers, and bring in something certain
when failure comes. DiversiicatiOn in
this case is little more than the prin-
ciple Of insurance, to which every pru-
dent merchant likes to devote a small
percentage of his capital; bu: the per-
centagc is always small-he would not
like to devote very much, nor would
the farm capitalists devote too much on
its insurance crops. The South can
grow cotton better than any other part
Of the world. When there is good
crop it is very profitable. and it is rare
ly so abundant but there is some profit
made. We doubt whether the advice
to grow more corn and less cotton is
wise, or if wise would ever be taken.
One might as well tell an Iowa man
to grow less corn and more wheat or
oats. For miles and miles through
that State one sees nothing but corn,
yet though in any one year it brings
but ten cents per bushel, one sees as
much the next year as ever. And why?
because wheat or oats never does as
well. Dever yields the same profit. 1t
has been shown, by what seems to be
q careful average of years, that corn
yields in Iowa three-fourths more profit
than wheat, and double that of oats.
With these facts, which intelligent
farmers soon understand, though those
with hay-seed merely in their hair do
not, it would be idle to tell an Iowa
man he must grow less corn. because
once in awhile there is an over-stock.
and the same principle holds good in
cotton culture. --GermantoWn Tele-
graph.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-12-22

The town of San Jose, Cal, has
been greatly excited BY the discovery
of three Chinese lepers in small shanty
near the railroad depot, where almost
all the washing done by the Cinnamon
in town is performed. The lepers have
been secluded here for some three years.
One of them, although in an advanced
stage Of the disease. has been begging
at night on the streets of the city. The
shanty has been used by the Cinnamon
as a resort for lepers. although nothing
but shelter was given the poor wretches,
and how they lived is a mystery.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-12-22
A VISIT FROM ST. NICHOLAS.

Twas the night before Christmas, when all
through the house
Not creature was stirring, not even a mouse:
The stockings were hung by the chimney with
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their
beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced through
And mamma in her kerchef. and in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for long winters
nap.
When out on the lawn there arose such clar-
Isprang from my bed to see what was the mat
Away to the window flew ike flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash:
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
Gave u luster of midday to objects below:
When what TO my wondering eyes should ap-
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer,
With little Old driver, so lively and quick,
knew in n moment IL must be st. Nick!
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came
And he whistled, and shouted. and called them
by name:
-'Now. Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Pranccr!
now Vixen.
On. Comet, on Cupid, on, Donder and Bit
zen. .
Now dash away. dash away. dash away all!
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane
ny.
When they meet with an obstacle mount to
50 up to the housetop the coursers they flew.
With the sleigh full of toys and st. Nicholas,
too:
And then in twinkling heard on the roof
The prancing and paving OF each little hoof
As drew In my head and was turning around,
Down the chimney st. Nicholas came with a
bound.
He was dressed all in fur from his head to his
foot.
And his clothes were all furnished with ashes
and SCOT:
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like peddler just opening his
pack.
His eyes how they twinkled! his dimples how
His cheeks were like roses. his nose like a
cherry:
His droll little mouth was drawn up like bow.
And the beard on his chin was as white as the
snow.
The stump Of pipe he held tight in his teeth.
And the smoke il encircled his head like a
wreath.
He had broad face and little round belly.
That shook when he laughed like bowl full
of jelly
He was chubby and plump-a right jolly old
elf
And i laughed when saw him. in spite of my
self.
Awnk OF his eye and twist of his heau
Soon gave me TO know had nothing TO dread.
He spake not word, but went straight to his
work.
And, laying his finger aside of his nose,
And irving q nod, up the chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh. to his team gave a
whistle.
And away they all flew like the down Of a
thistle:
But heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of
-Nery Christmas to all. and to all good
Clement C. MoOrc
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-12-22

The Siamese Nation has recentlS
been plunged into mourning by the
death Of the court and body elephant
Of the King. One morning. after 9
hearty breakfast, he went mad quite
unexpectedly and trsmpled five of hi,
attendants to death. To shoot him
would have been sacrilege. An at
tempt to tranquillize his perturbe<
spirit by enoircling him with hugo
ring Of holy bamboo. specially blessed
by the high priest of his own particu-
lar temple. proved worse than inefect-
ual. for he broke through the ring and
all but terminated the high priests
career upon the spot. He was then
with great difficulty driven into o close
court Of the palace, where. after sew
eral furious endeavors to batter down
the walls with his tusks, he suddenly
tOppled over ON his side. uttered last
cry Of rage and gave up the ghost.
Naturally enough. this heavy calamity
was attributed TO criminal carelessness
on the part OF one or other Of the at
tendants iDtrusted with the sacred ele-
plants feeding. The King. therefore.
Intercepted the members Of the ele-
plants household in person. and. fail
ing to elicit any individual confession os
delinquency. decreed that they should
all be punished.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-12-22
Snail Hunting.

/ have myself been an enthusiastic
snail-hunter in my time, and it always
seems to me that there is much to be
said in favor Of the pursuit. Everybody
knows that flowers and butterflies arc
beautiful; and when you show them q
dead collection they are generally ra:h-
er disappointed with the result. A
hortus sicctIs after all. however well
managed. is but pale and faded rep
resentative of the living blossoms in all
their glory. But most people are quite
surprised. when you show them y col
lection Of English snail shells. to find
that such lovely things are to be picked
up under the stones of our commons or
among the dead leaves OF our copses.
There is some merit in making bean-
tiful collection of snail shells. And
though in the old DAYS conchology new
or led to any real good. vet maiacology,
which is its modern successor, has
grown into an indispensable handmade
Gf geology and prehistoric archaeology.
The nail-hunter who begins BY gum
ming shells on cards is sure TO end by
knowing a great deal about the anatO-
my and physiology. the geographical
uiStTlDutiOu auu ScoiOSicoi aye VI iuS
various species with whose external
skeleton alone he made his first super
fetal acquaintance. Land and fresh
water shells play most important part
in determining the formations Of ter
tiary or quaternary age; and they give
us valuable hints rs TO the nature and
date of the cave deposits or the drift in
which we lind the earliest remains of
half-developed man. In fact, at the
present day it is almost impossible for
anybody to work originally at any Of
the later stages of evolution. human or
animal. without having served an ap-
premiership at snail-hunting; while
conversely, many a snailhunter who
first took up shells as a mere fancy has
developed with time into full-blown
working geologist and archeologlst.
The snail is not, in the hunting sense.
noble animal, like the stag or the
buffalo, but the chase after him il
healthful pursuit, leading one on to the
open downs and up the hesther-clad
hillsides; and in the end it is probably
productive Of much more genuine
scientific work for humanity than all
the deer hunting or stalking from Ex-
moor to Rothiemurchus.-C0r. ST
James Gazette.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-12-22
The .-ost Wonderful Rifle. Shooting on
Record.

A San Francisco paper says: Prince
Otto, the boy chief of the Nez Perez
Indians, the protege of Captain Nc
Donald, and, without exception, the
most wonderful rifle-shot in the world,
gave an exhibition of rifle-shoOting at
Platts Hall last week that was far SUI
perior to the best work ever done By
Carver or DR.. Ruth. The audience was
select. and included several English.
French, Russian and Italian officers,
and every one present was satisfied at
the close OF the exhibition that they had
witnessed the most wonderful feats
ever performed with q rife. After
going through 4 manual of arms that
would puzzle the oldest militia General
in the Union, Otto commenced shoot
ing. A framework was built upon the
stage. within which were q number of
swinging glass balls. Upon the rear
plankment was suspended the figure of
man. life-size. A iive-cent piece was
placed upon the top of the head of this
figure. Otto's back being to the object.
the word about was given. and the
coin was pierced through the center.
He then put down his rifle six feet from
where he stood, turned somersault,
caught his rifle again. fired. and cut
the string ct the suspended figure at
which he had previously fired.
A pistol-barrel was then placed in a
small steel frame; behind this was fixed
razor, with the edge facing the audi
ence. On each side of this razor was q
glass ball securely placed. The pistol
barrel, razor and balls were masked
with . covering of white cloth. The
boy was then blindfolded and his back
turned to the object. The ..about
face" was given. when he fired down
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-12-22

"A French physician advises com
positors and others who have to stand
all day at their work TO wear elastic
stockings. which will prevent the form
alton Of varicose veins.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
UNDERTAKING

Promptly attended to, night OF day, with care.
 Eodies preserved without ice in the best manner. Also sole agents for Washburn's Deodorizing and Disinfecting Fluid.
 new lot of Folding Chairs and Stools to rent for roar. fIIT.er ieJ6
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
Two PIasters tr, One.

The finest medicinal, combination yet eff fected in external remedies is DR. GRosvEN- oR's BEILANoDYNE POROUS PLASTER, in which the pain relieving properties of the Bella donna Plaster and ounter-irritant qualities of the Capsicin are harinoniously blended. With them is united washed and purified rubber, without the use of benzine or other volatile, by which the full strength is pre- served, nothing being lost by evaporation. Physicians prescribe it for rheumatism, neu- ralgia, pleurisy, sciatica and other painful and infammatory diseases.
 Sold by c. R. Converse, 165 Grand street.
 ja31 MWS&w
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
AsH-IoNIC

A Perfected Purifier of the System.
 ToN1c-"Tpc7easing the strength, obUiGting the sfscts of debility, and restoring hedltey functions --WERsTER.
 For Indigestion, and Dyspepsia, the many forms of Liver Complaint, Impure and Impoverished Blood, and Functional Derangements attendant upon Debility, and for Building up the weak, Ash-Tonic is doubtless the most prompt and certain remedy yet devised. In 1-2 1b. bottles, 75 cents {; Six Bottles, $4. Accredited Physi- clans and Clergymen, who may desire to test the Tonic, will be supplied with not exceeding six bottles, at one-half the retail price, money to accompany the order. Sold by Druggists, and by D. B. Dewey x Co., 46 Dey St., N. Y.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
List Of Patents

Issued from the United States Patent Office for the week ending Jan. 25 1884, for the State of Con- necticut, furnished us from the office of John E. Earle, Solicitor of Patents. New Haven. Conn.,: Michael Brassill Hartford Conn.,, candlestick. George F. Larkin, Danbury hat block and chuck. H. A. House and Dwight Wheeler, Bridgeport, ma- chine for finishing felt hats.
 H. A. House, Bridgeport, Union Paper Bag Machine company, paper bag machine.
 Charles E. Kellogg, Elmwood, picture frame easel and back rest
 Cyrus W, Saladee, Wolcottville, phaeton. Henri E. Bisse1l, Hartford, automatic station ini- cator
 Allison N. Clark, Plainvil1e, tag. Allison N. Clark, Plainville watch key Frederick A. Lane, New Haven, clock. Benjamin F. Ryder, New Haven, assignor to Frank P. Pfeghar, sewing machine caster. George c. Setchell Norwich, assgnor to William H. Page, method of making wood borders Charles Tyrreu and Edward Kearny, Norwalk, hat pressing machine.
 Henry B. Sherwood, Westport, tool handle. Henry B. Sherwood, Westport, hand cultivator.
 REISSUES.
 Frederick E. Nearing, Brookheld. assignor to Charles La Dow, horse rake and hay spreader. Frederick E. Nearing, Brookneld, assignor to Charles La Dow, horse rake and hay spreader.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
City Court Notes.

In the City Court on Saturday, John Con- Ian was found guilty of drunkenness and fined $1 and costs. For resistance to the of ficers who arrested him he was sentenced to jail for two months.
 J. J. Murphy, who was found guilty of violating the Sunday liquor law, was fined $40 and costs. He took an appeal.
 John Nolan, for assaulting John Hyland on Walnut street last Thursday night, was fined $I5 and costs.
 Bernard McGarty, who was tried for theft few days ago, was before the court to hear Judge Pardee's decision in the case. He was found guilty and fined $50 and sentenced to jail for thirty days.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
cENTkuR
 Iiniinent.

The most Powerful, Penetrating and Pain-relieving remedy ever devised by man. It soothes Pain, it allays inflammation, it heals Wounds, and it cures
 RHEUMATISM. Sciatica, Lumbago, Sca1ds, Burns, Stiff Joints, Cuts, SweIlings, Frost bites, Quinsey, Salt Rheum, Itch, Sprains, Calls, and Lameness from any cause. Sufferers from
 PAIN IN THE BACK, Fever Sores, Eruptions, Broken Breasts, contracted Cords, Neu- ralgia, Palsy or dislOcated limbs; and owners of horses, planters, me- chanics, merchants and professional men everywhere, unite in saying, that
 CENTAUR LINIDIENT brings relief when all other Lini- ments. Oils, Extracts and Embroca- tions have failed.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
No. Sirg

A Scotch minister once said no woman could bear pain as well as man. That is not so. The fact is generally the other way. submitted to the operation of the removal of her hand by amputation, without taking ether, or moving muscle or uttering a groan. Dr. Kennedy, also of Rondout, N. Y. , who performed the operation, said he never saw such heroism. The lady's disease was erysipelas, and after ward the doctor gave his ''Favorite Remedy" to cleanse the blood. Mrs Meyers is now well and strong. i31 12t d&W 4p
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
Breach Of Contract.

A factorizing process was served on c. M. Loomis, Saturday, attaching to the amount of $500 the moneys received from the sale of ''Hazel Kirke'' tickets. Manager Dele. van of the Meriden Opera House brings the suit on account of an alleged breach of con. tract. The hall, it is said, was engaged by the company's agents for the 2oth of Jan uary, but instead of going there they went to Waterbury.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
8alroaos, &e.
New York, New Haven and Hart. Gnr.d EpnSlnnE - v

New York, New Haven and Hart.
 ford Railroad.
 &ES6mn ON and after Thursday, Dec g. isao
 Trains leave New Haven, as follows
 fok NEW YoRK-Express trains at .s:2s. .4.1s s-os 9:83 n., 1:50, S:35, 5:2S, and s25 D. m The g-aa a.. m. train stops at Milford.
 WASHINGTON NIGHT EXPRESS, via Harlem R.y CT Branch, 11;4o P. m. daily, stors at Bridgeport South Norwalk and Stamford ACCOMMODATION TRAINS at 5:35 B. m ttbis train runs to Bridgeport without stepping, thence ac- commodation to New York;. 6:30 a. m. accounmo- dation to South Norwalk, thence express to New York, stopping at Stamford, Greenwich and noen, 42e and $40 m Train for Bridgeport a 76 p. m daily. Sunday evening train for New York will leave at s:15 p. m arriving at Grana central DegSt at l1:50 m:
 sFRINuS1a BOSTON. AND. I'll TIE SNHodFn4N' NoRTHN' Express 1:1es .. m. for Boston via Spring. field stopping at Meriden and HarfforS s;oO ,s 2 m, daily for Hartford, stopping a ford to Boston via Willimantfo and Putnam Accommodation at SIS e. m for Snrsno Aeld Express at I0:SS q. m for Merfden BerIfn New Britain, Niddletown, Hartford and Snrino held 1o:4s a. nn., accom-. to Meriden only F4 press 1:N p. m for Springfield, stops at Hartfort and Meriden only. Acoommodation s.ao = 'o.s TT to Springheld. Accommodation at 5:35 n m fo, Hartford connects for New Britain and Middis town Express 611 p. m. for Boston, stoppin0 a Mer1den and Hartford only Accom-. s:I6 D. m FOR NEW LONDON, PROVIDENCE, NoRw,ou BOSTON and the East.-Express trains at sf9-1 midnight and S1B P m. This train stops at Say brook only. Accommodation trains at sos 10: { ping at all statfons) eos D. m sSO n n Qreight with passenger car. New Haven to Nay London, stopping at all stations) W o an Dsny. E. M. REED, Vice President
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
(aStOria-ss -ss Doses,

edy for sleepless and irritable Child ren. The Recipe of Old Dr. Pitcher' Free from Morphine, and not Mar eotic. Formula published with each bottle. For Flatulency, assimilating the food, Sour Stomach, Feverishness, Worms, and Disordered Bowels, Castoria has the largest sale of any article dispensed by Druggists.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31

Counternct a Tendency Consumption. Heal the lacerated lungs and invigorate the enfeebled frame with the pleasant and ef- fective pulmonic and tonic,
 Phillips "Palatable'' Cod Liver Oil. All druggists. j31 3teod
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
ssBuchupafba.,

Bra1n 6 Nervee Wells Health Remover, greatest remedy on earth for impotence, leanness, sexual debility, &c., $1 at druggists. 2s9 State st.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
WYOmOke Tea.

It's use has proved beyond doubt that it is elgn for all nervous diseases Relieves nervous and neuralgia headaches quickly. Increases mental activity. Price 25 cents Ask for it at your drug
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
Elm City Shirt Company.

EE4RI CITY IMPROVED YOKE SHIRT,
 % Court Street, New Haven, Conn. XKTE beg leave to inform our friends and the pub w lie that we enter upon the New Year with a full stock of goods purchased before the late rse and prepared to sell Shirts at the lowest prices Our Wholesale Department will be conducted as usual Our Custom Department will receive special attentionnone but the most skilful mechan ics employed. The most approved makes of Cot tons and Superior Linens carefully selected for fine trade will be used Zine Foreign Fancy Shirting gs-We have placed order for the most extensive and attractive assortment of French and English Fancy Shirtings of superior fabrics, embrac ing three hundred different patterns of the most novel designs and choice selected styles The style of Shirts is represented in the above cut The pat ent bosom and neckband make it by far the most de sirable to fit and service Goods warranted to give satisfaction in every particular We invite in ting at ofce 70 Court street, corner of State, New Haven.
 sutta and other good styles Cotton, which offer tc close at 50 and 75 cents.
 ELM CITE SHIRT CO.,.
 D Sncr
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31

See advertisement in other column, of the great and reliable Dyspepsia Remedy, D. R. V. G., guaranteed by all druggists.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31

What is life without good health? If you are not in good health try D. R. V. G. It will cure you. Guaranteed by all Druggists See other column.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31

Is it disordered liver giving you yellow in distressing piles;or do your kidneys refuse to perform their functions? If so, your sys- tenn will soon be cIogged with poisons Take few doses of Kidney-Wort and you'll feel like new man-nature will throw off every impediment and each organ will be ready for duty. Druggists sell both the Dry and Liq- uid.-N. r. AtSds ja26 3teod 1tw.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31

The best blood purifie in the world is D. R. V. G. Dyspepsia Remedy. Guaranteed bJ your own druggist.
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31
..Rnmrln Rnfa.,,

The thing desired found at last. Ask druggists for Rough on Rats. It clears out rats, mice, roaches, bed-bugs, &c. 15 cent
Morning journal and courier., 1881-01-31

BooN TO HoUsEKEEPERs. Washing day and house cleaning time lose half their ter TOTS when the thrifty housekeeper uses James Pyle's Pearline.