The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-01-20

says: 1T is England's bottle and not India's sum
which Europeans have to dread In this country,
Nearly all the cases Of her Rppoplexy are from
drink"
Milwaukee policeman hes fallen heir to $780,
600, and ever, female cook on his beat wants him
to keep his promise at once, and he wonders how
he's going to avoid about fifty breaches Of promise
suits
precious youth In North Wheeling, prompted
by an unpleasant recollection OF last term, SAYS
that school teachers are like dogs because they
lick your hand" This carries off the palm.
Sarah Barnhardt says that she viii always re-
member with sentiments Of profound gratitude
the cordiality Of her reception In Boston. "I like
Se people like 20 manners but 70 bean-non I"
Providence woman undertook to kill herself
economically with the poisonous ends OF matches
but found that she had to eat thirty.seven before
becoming unconscious, and then doctor easily
saved her life
No matter what shadows gather round her path
Bernhart makes her own son shine Seems to us
that woman who has made so much money
would have educated her son to literary purruits,
selling papers, or )mething Of that sort,
The Courier Journal wants every Kentuckian
TO turn over new leaf In the matter of taking
human life," It says there isl't more than one
victim for each of u.s." and the man who attempts
to take more than his quota should be shot ont h
spot,
There was mol In our town.
And he was wounderous wise,
He thought his business would run itself
And he didn't advertise.
Well, bus,nefs was dull at FIST!
But better times came aud it's queer,
One day with a rush he sold all his stuff,
But the Sheriff was auctioneer.
A busy retail grocer,
Whom we all surely know sir,
Was taken one day In a friendly way
BY a country chap who had come to stay
Till the mail came in at the close OF day
What are your gross receipts, sirf"
ne, he hR, hs no, no sir,
Laughed the busy retail grocer,
AS he pointed out. with laugh and shout,
The barrels and boxes ranged about
you can plainly see beyond doubt,
What are my grocery ais s.r2"
rather old man, apparently very rich. was in
a Twenty.third rect sore one day during the
holidays trying to purchase an expensive doll.
He was not easily satisfied At last the young
lady asked him how old his daughter was.
Daughter" he exclaimed "she is my wife, and
she will s]on be seventeen"
The Chinese Minister at Washington "a credited
with an excellent bon mot Some one asked him
what his cOuntrymen would do, where they
would go If they were driven out Of the United
states2 II expect sir" he replied, that they
would go to Ireland as that seems to be the only
country In which the Irisl do not rule"
Nine. D, a mature parlsian beauty, happened to
take swallow Of very hot tea while dining out
the other day. Her oontorlions and. grimaces
drew the attention of the whole table, and judge
of the astonishment-she had no eyebrows! The
steam Of the tea had warmed the artificial substi.
tutes, They had fallen into her cup, and-she
had swallowed them,
1t vas on the Burlington Railroad train, and
politics had given way to theology, and the young
man with the turban hat had the floor, and was
denounclng the old.fashioned idea of hell. II
tell you" he cried, man was never intended for
such fendsh punishment. God never made me
|
parson, back near the stove too green"
When the late Dr. Chaplin, says the Boston
Courier, first went tC preach in ChGrlestown he
was waited on by the ladies of the church, who
besought him to wear gown in the pulpit. He
modestly declined. Thay preferred the request a
second time with the same result bnt when the
matter was urged third time he consenoed, pro.
Vided he could select The material, to which they
agreed He then declared his choice to be green
, bRize.
Among the recent guests at Windsor Castle have
baen Lord and Lady Dufferin Lord Duferin,
says correspondent, is as popular In England as
: he is In Canada. Lord Dufferin relates with
great gusto that when he came home from India
to be married he found no carriage waiting for
him at the little Irish railway station and he had
to hire common jaunting car. Going along he
asked the driver II there was any news. Moth.
Ing" said he, Except that pretty Kate Hamilton
; is going to marry that one eyed Dufferin."
Apropos Of the coming Press Club dinner In
New York, Howard" writes: "a few years ago,
just as all hands had taken up the soup spoons,
word came that Bill Tweed had escaped from
Jail, and nine Of every ten had to jump and leave
for duty, But there is no Tweed now aud the
probabilities favor very Jolly and successful Oc.
casion-especIally after the old uns' retire. And
by the way, where are the old ones Of the press 2
There are none here. All our editors, except
Dana, and he is hale and vigorous, are compare.
} lively young men. So are the managers, the
writer's, and the reporters. Newspapers men are
like the pins nobody seems to know what be.
comes OF them"