Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1881-01-01
AT THE PLAY.
How Mr. wcedle's and ms Girl BE
aayeI.

How Mr. wcedle's and ms Girl Be-
New Orleans Times.
Last night at the academy of music,
the dress circle was adorned by a dyspep-
tic-lOoking girl, with big feet, who had
a wart on her face and a certain look
about her which plainly told that she
was from the boarding school.
Beside her sat long, gawky young
man, who was from the country, and
smitten with the charms of the young
lady by his side, upon whom he would
ever and anon bestOw the most tender
glances. During the intermissiOn in the
play he turned to her in a voice as ten
der as sirlOin steak, said:
Don't yer think its awful warm in
this ere theatre, Miss Maryp
She let fall on him languid, plying
glance, and then replied:
"Ahl yes, there exists certain degree
of clOseness which is deleteriOuS to the
comfort of ones physical being; but my
dear Mr., Needles, you are no doubt per-
fectly aware of the fact that chemistry
teaches us that the exhalatiOns OF So
many individuals carbOniZeS the entire
atmosphere, vitiating it to degree that
renders it poisonous to the respiratory
organs, as we'll as to the cOrpuScleS In
the blood, producing nausea, and in some
cases syncOpe, You can see at glance
Mr.. Weedles, that this is caused by
the lack of oxygen"
''YeS, | know 'em, that, is Eve read OF
'em, but hain't never seen any yet, as |
knows on; but when Bill Wilkins, at their
prOtracted meeting down on Goose creek
said that the heart was part OF the
stomach, told him it was the derndeSt
lie he ever spoke"
"Oh, dear, how absurd it was in him to
make such {. statement. Why, don't you
know the palpitatiOn of the discus gene
rates subtitle electrical force which is
the most mysterious, wonderful and
startling power which prOpels the anat-
Omy of the genus hOmO?"
IL have-yes, I've heerd tell OF 1t
before, but don't hold myself sup as
KNOWN everything. Iain't that kind OF
man. The folks used to say-and dad was
powerful proud of; it-thatI warn't nc
sloucher ON grammar; but won't you have
some peanuts, Miss Mary?" and he wiped
the cold perspiratiOn from his brow and
trembled with nervousness.
"NOne, thank you Mr.. Needles; peanuts
have a strange effect on my gastronom-
ical organs"
Il didn't mean to hurt your feelings,
Miss Mary, because you recOllect before
you went off to school that used to bring
you peanuts, and we used to sit astraddle
the garden fence and eat them. Don't
you remember how your old mother used
to say that new peanuts were awful
cOlicky? Them were happy days, Miss
Mary" and the humble lover sighed as
low as note ON bass fiddle.
'Oh. MIR. Weedlessp she said, blush
ingly. Il want to ask you something.
Did YOU not say ON one occasion that /
was possessed of moiety of the divine
affiatus, and that you thought was be-
ing entirely too seraphic and ethereal to
exist of this mundane sphere?" t
"Miss Mary" said the lover, and his
eve flashed and breast heayed. Its a
mean underhand lie. / never said
word against you in my life, and I'll be
eternaily goldurned if can't just natur-
ally walk the log of any man who tries
to scandalize me behind my back. l al
ways said Miss Mary Jones was the
sweetest girl in the country, and
But the curtain went up, and the rest
of the conversation was lost in the crash
Of tho orchestra