Connecticut western news., 1881-02-09
WIT AND WISDOM.
SHE many suitors did refuse,


 But when tho right one asked her hand,
 He carried of tue palm.
 THE man who has his sisters and his cousins cannot be too careful of his haunts.
 MEN are like pins. One with little head may be just as sharp as one with big head. Y..
 A MAN in Virginia has discovered the eleventh commandment. It is: "Let them chickens alone"
 WHEAT is thrashed" for the pur- pose of getting out the grain boy is "thrashed to get out the chaff.
 TaE man who can break two lamp chimneys in. one night and not even think swear is-a gentleman.
 GEN. HAzEN, the new "Old Proba- bilities," began life as plumber. How the old fellow favors the trade.
 Eaas are 50 cents dozen in this vi- cinity, and the hens are seriously think ing of striking for sealskin sacques.
 Fees are higher in New York than was ever known before, and consumers are impatient to throw off the yolk.
 THE Detroit Free Press says that the guiding maxim of ward constables IS, "Put none but loafers on the jury"
 FASCINATING young men should re- member that the fayorite masher ln hotel is the potato masher of the kitchen.
 THE popularity of the ulster is ended. They are circulating the story that the garment is worn by bow-legged men to hide deformity.
 THERE is a painful rumor afioat that the ice crop has been touched by the frost, and that high prices may con- sequently be expected. E
 QUITE number of young women have recently been killed while coast ing. Young man, if you have a good girl don't let her slide.
 CHICAGO has sentenced pawnbroker to four years imprisonment. It is to be hoped it won't compel him to wear three balls and chain.
 LEND mo SOuA O"AoS dN~
 Chicago orator, and @ wicked St. Louis man who was present said it was big loan to negotiate in Chicago.
 THERE is 8 woman in Philadelphia who thinks so much of her husband
 that she commences warming him the moment he comes in the house. "PEopnE generally dream of their
 occupation" says the Philadelphia Ne,vs. The body snatcher must have a nice time of it when he's asleep. "Do YOU favor my suit ?" said Claude to Angelina, the other day. "Yes,"
 was the crushing reply, "I look with more favor on the new clothes than do
 on their owner"
 PUPIL "What is hero, MT. Birch emp" Teacher (Mr. Birchem): "A hero is a man who conquers himself. Pupil "Ah, see a man who can sit down on tack and only feel sad about : it."
 THE other day Delegate Cannon, the Mormon Representative, was asked ln bantering way, by member of Con-
 gress, how many wives he had. have enough to keep me from inter'er- , ing with the wives of other men, was Cannon's quick rejoinder. els YOUR father at home?" inquired man of the little girl who admitted him. els your name Bill ?" she asked.
 "Some people call me SO, replied he.
 "Then he is not at home for heard
 him tell John, if any bill came to say
 he was not at home" "Cou1DN'T you manage to find some respectable employment asked an ofice-holder of a tramp. "I haven't got anybody to take my place going the rounds begging, but if my brother was out of the penitentiary, so he could |, take my place, I believe would run
 for some office, if he didn't think hard of me for wanting to serve the people. n SHE was modest and sedate Boston school ma am, and absolutely afraid of
 Ca man." No male lips had ever o pressed her. But when one of her Q favorite scholars came slyly behind her :. and rubbed her cheek with the rough Q side of fig leaf, she turned suddenly, e and, blushing, said: "Wel declare, it felt like a mans beard of three days Il growth"
 e DIRTY and objectionably familiar 7, tradesman: "I assure you, ladies,
 am adoin' a most enormous business. s- I sells everythink on the small profits e and quick returns principle. l never Y, 'ayes anythink on my hands I wish to J. get rid of" Young Lady: "No, SUD- 1t pose it would mean rather serious of outlay in the way of soap and water II d you did wish to get rid of 1t" 1T "MR. O'RAFFERTY," said the Calves e ton Recorder, "the witnesses all say n you kicked this gentleman and called a him all manner of vile names" '" !. don't know what happened, your Honor. Ia If I did that I am very sorry indade." "Yes, you ought to regret 1t very
 much" "I do, indade. It's only wid
 me own family that take such liberties,
 and if I have been tratin' such an ill., a. favored scoundrel as if he was mem- ns Der of me own family I'll regret it to ic the last day of me life, I will. "-Gatoes' he ton Ne1OS.
 or THE TWINS. e. Ones the picture of his pa, or An tho Othar of her