The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-06-21
Troublesome Inventions.

cit is very well to talk about working
for tho heathcn.' said one. as the ladies OF
the Brooklyn circle put aside their sewing,
'but ia like to have some one tell me
what Pm to do with my husband"
| "What's tho matter with him o. asked 9
sympathetic old lady.
"Willlam Is good man," continued the
first, waving her glasses in an argumenta-
tive way, but William will invent. Ho
goes inventing round from morning till
! night, and have no peace or comfort.
didn't object when he invented a fire es
| cape. but / did demonstrate when he
| wanted me to crawl out the window one
| night last winter to see If it worked well.
Then he originated a lock for the door,
that wouldn't open from midnight until the
morning, so as to keep burglars out. The
first time he tried it he caught his coat
tail III it, and / had to walk around HIM
with pan Of hot Goals all night TO keep
him from freezing"
"Why didn't he take his coat off 2"
81 wanted him to, but he stood around
till the thing opened itself trying to invent
some way of unfastening it. A little while
ago ho got up a cabinet bcdstead that
would shut and open without handling. It
went by clockwork. William got INTO IT.,
and up 1t went. Bless your heart, he
stayed in there frem Saturday afternoon
until Sunday evening. when it flew opeu
and disclosed William with the plans and
specifications of patent wash bowl that
would tip over when 1t got just so full.
The result Of that was lost all my rings
and breast-pin down the waste pipe
Then hc got up a crutch for man that
could also be used as an opera glass. When
| ever the man leaned on it, up 1t shut and
when he put it to his eye to find William
1t flew out into crutch and almost broke
the top of is'hcad off.
"Don't any of his inventions amount to
anything9"
''He says they do. Once he Invented a
rOpe-ladder to be worn as guard chain
and heightened out with spring He put
it around his neck, but the spring got loose
and turned it into ladder and almost
choked him to death. Then he invented
patent boot.heel to crack nuts with, but
he mashed his thumb with it and gave it
up. His coal scuttlc has made more trouble
than anything else. 1t was riveted to the
crate, and when the fire got low it would
turn over and pour on coal. The rivets
got rusty SO he couldn't get it off, and
just sit up III bed and listen to that scutte
ell night. Then he arrangcda q corn pepper
so it would wiggle itself, and now he can't
stop it. You can hear that pepper going
around IN tho closet, and he won't let ME
throw il away because he wants to invent
something to hold 1t still. Why he has
got washtub full of Inventions One OF
them is prayer book that always opens at
the right place. We tiled it one morning
at church, but the wheels and springs
made such row. that the sexton took
William out by the collar and told him TO
leave his fire engines home when he came
to worship. The other day saw him 60
ing up the street with the model of a grain
elevator sticking out Of his hip pocket, and
he Is fixing up an improved shot tower in
our bedroom.
"Docs lie make any money out of his in
vcntions 2"
''Hc doesn't appear to. The other night
man came down and wanted William to
get ny patent umbrella fastening. Since
then he has wrecked all the umbrels and
parasols in the house. We haven't thing
TO use If it should rain. Now he's at work
on combined cat and rat trap. The cat
and rats 60 in at different ends and eat
each other up-at least, he says they will;
and after that he is gong at pair of
pantaloons, in which man can fall down
without spraining his leg. William means
well, but he's got that mania for inventing,
and don't know where it will end"