Connecticut western news., 1881-09-14
THE LIME.KILN CLUB.
An Exciting Time-A Distinguished
 Orator, Etc.
From the Detroit Free Press. ]

ginerally known as de sDemosthenes of the South, am now waitin' in de aunty- room for an invitashun to deliver his orashun on 'The Great Men of de Past. He has come heah from Lynchburg, Va, fur dis speshul purpose, payin' his own far part of de way an walkin de rest of de way on de railroad ties. an if dar am no dejeckshuns we will bring him in"
 "Did I understan' de char to say if de1r was no dejeckshuns ?" asked the Rev. Penstock, as he suddenly popped up.
 ssYou did, sah p
 sDeieckshuns- Didn't de char mean to say if deir was no"
 'Brudder Penstock," interrupted the President, "when dis char says dejeck- shuns he doan' mean infeckshuns, di- reckshuns or defeckshuns. De las time you interrupted the purceedin's of dis meetin' you war tole dat de nex' display of capfulness on your part would dissult in 8 fine. Painful as it am to me, an as much as I feel fur your wife an chill'en, shall repose a fine on you of $4OO an costs. De costs, as near as I can figger, will be about $500. You will consider yourself i'm pended from membership until de fine am paid"
 The Rev. sank down on his chair, his eyes rolled, his breathing was labored, and he suddenly tainted away and dragged Napoleon Shrewsbury with him to the floor. During the excite ment eight or ten persons received the contents of the water-pail. Melon rinds flew about in perfect shower, and 8 cantelope, which struck Ten Thousand Collins between the shoul- ders, broke open and extinguished three lamps, and knocked down the grub-hoe with which Washington crossed the Delaware. Brother Pen. stock finally revived and bound wet towel around his head, and Colonel Hi Hi Smith arose to make a statement. He was intimately acquainted with the pecuniary resources of Brother Pen. stock. His earnings the past year were exactly $483. .29. His expenditures were exactly $483 25. The balance on hand was therefore only four cents. This year the balance would be closer still, and even in the best year to come there was no hope of a great increase. Giving four cents as the average yearly balance and it would take Brother Penstock about 25O, 900 years to pay his fine and secure his restoration to membership The speaker hoped that mercy would prevail and the fine be withdrawn. After brief consultation with Sir Isaac Walpole and Waydown Bebee the Presi. dent arose and announced that he would remit the fine and costs, and thai the members narrow escape from beng killed stone dead would be great moral warning to him throughout the rest ot his days.
 DEMOsTHENFs.
 The Committee on Reception ther donned their red neckties and escorted the great orator into the hall. He was given 8 general introduction from the platform, glass of water, and lemon placed at his left hand, and after clear ing his throat and adjusting his necktie, he began:
 "Whar am Cicero? In de y'ars gone by de world cheeled at his name. When he recommended any makers liver pills dem pills war condsidered boss. When he acted as judge at hoss race no mar dared appeal. When he entered stree kyar everybody hitched along. Whe1 he rode out in his keeridge butcher carts turned pale and took back street Dc newspapers glori6ed him, de public ap plauded him, an banks fairly ached t, cash his checks. But whar am he to day? His sweet songs am silent, hi dog has quit barking, an eben his nam, am forgotten except by de few interest ed in faro an de string game. [Cheer by Elder Toots.
 "Whar am Plato? Ask 'em at d toD-gate an dey can't tell you. Asl 'em at de depots an shake of de heac will tell de sad story. Gone! Gone When he crossed de Rubicon de world thundered with applause. Applause from Samuel Shin. When he crossed de Alps nations trembled. Cheers iron the back end of the hall. When h. wrote Paradise Lost de world wept Suppressed applause from Cassewa, Bottonlands. But he am passed away De blight an de mildew struck him, ar he faded, an only now an den, as yo1 see game of dominoes, do you h'a his memory referred to. Prolonge cheers.
 "But did not come yere to take u de time ob dis meetin'. Applause simply desired to present you wid a fe, gems from my oratorical album, an t say to you dat yereafter I kin be foun at 2, 657 Croghan street, dis city, whal l snail be ready at all times to cua corns, bunyons, cracked heels an SC toes, an deliber my full lectur' at d low price of twenty-five cents head chil'en free." Cheers and applause an fall of eleven joints of stove-pipe.
 BEWARE OF HIM.
 When quiet had been restored tn Secretary read communication fro1 Happy John Franks, of Vermilllor
 Marshall county, Kas., stating that
 one-eyed, straw paper colored man, giy ing his name as Pickles Smith, had bee in that vicinity for the last two week collecting money for the erection of
 colored church in Michigan. He ha
 credentials, but hesitated and exhibite