, 1881-04-15
Mark Twain on Bees.

/ was down In CallveraS county one
day when l met Bill Smith. We had
been chums, and was talking about his
affairs generally, like the beauties of
farming, and so forth and fifth.
''Mark," says he, ''you must come
along to my place and inspect my
apiary."
Pears. says I, ''I like pears-they're
nice"
"Oh, no." says Bill; "apiary-beas,
you know. That's what you should go
in for, Mark, there's money in 'em."
1 begged to be excused. / remem-
bered something about sitting on n bee
and not Icing able to sit on another
thing for days. Bill would have me go
so 1 plueked up courage and went like a
man, (going to prison). We reached
Bills place in time for dinner. Mrs.
Smith was clipper little woman, with a
very good tasta IN setting table. On the
table was some honey, clear, nice and
not bad to take; also some comb honey,
from a habit the industrious female bees
have of combing their back hair to save
time when they are making it, like
economical boarding house keepers
killing two birds with one stone, as they
say. Well, it already killed me! I got
a lot of poor chewing gum out of 1t. l
rolled it round my mouth but couldn't
swallow it. l concluded to reject and
pocket it and trade it off at our stOie for
a genuine old chewing plug. Well.
after dinner We went out to see Bills
hives and honey bugs-pets, he called
them. They were in little boxes, a
small hole at the lower edge was the
door for 'em to go IN and out of. The
l II "a
to let me see them ut workout didn't
see any working worth a continental.
They were running around as if they
had let drop of honey to some bee and
couldn't find her.
In the hive was lot of sticks, nailed
like slate frames; they were full of holey
sheets of gum-iust the same pattern as
the tripe formerly supplied to the anCes,
tors of our aristocratic house by the
pork butchers (see illustration "a feast
in ye olden time," opp. page S4S of eye
Twain Family, their Lives and Breed
ing," by Nathan Muggins, d. o. F.; "
Y. h; A. S. L. With passing tear at
the departed glory of our house, let us
return to Smiths bees. Smith wasn't
afraid of the critters, though they flew
around him and crawled onto him. He
proceeded to explain how they done
their work. "You see Mark"
by the jumping Joe" shouted.
Keep still, says Bill; sits only q
bee sitting-taint nothing"
''Tain't nothing?" said I; ''tis some.
thing something like red hot darning
needle?"
caught the bee in the act and lynched
him on the spot. Bill put on the roof,
and pulled out the string, telling me at
the same time that a mosquito bite is far
worse than @ bee sting" l have heard
them say that before and l believe ito
be and-I--. That il, regard it in n
different light. Another bee jumped a
claim on my nose but died-whack! One
went for my eye. l missed, he didn't. /
was very energetic in my language Just
then, very decidedly emphatic, using
words not BETTING o Y NJ G. A.
secretary, or superintendent of Sun
day school. Had 1 stayed Il little
longer l wouldn't have known myself.
When got back to town next day my
creditors fortunately did not know me
tailor excepted 1 was q pretty looking
object, my eye bunged up, my nose
looked like good sized potato, and
had an illigent squint, and if l tried to
speak l suffered aSonies. I couldn't
chew anything, but lived ON sanction
like snipe. AS for keeping bees, l
won't. No more bees for me. l don't
want to sit on them. don't want them
to sit on me. l have nc desire for le-
newing or improving their acquaint-
ances- They have no attraction for Your
humble and much beWildereli friend.
MARX TWAIN