Morning journal and courier., 1881-08-17

Oh young LochinYar has been out West [They were cutting the rates and he needed restl There burrs in his whiskers and hayseed in his hair,
 And 1t all is along of the very cheap fare.
 -Neao York Graphic. Some mems noses are like some books :; the more immoral they ars the more red they are.
 ssEvery Little helps," said MT. Little, when Mrs L. presented him with twins.-Bost0n Bulletin.
 Schoolmaster to new scholar sNow, my boy, be industrious Remember, what you have once learnt nobody can take away from you" New boy Yes, sir; but it'll be just the same if I don't learn anything at all. I'd like to know what anybody could take away from me theni"
 He had played cards A butchers boy car rying a tray on his shoulders accidentally struck it against lady's head and nearly knocked her hat of .'The deuce take the tray !" cried the lady in a passion. "Mad- am," said the boy, gravely, ''the deuce can't take the tray"
 Four years ago young man, without a cent on his back. and only one suit of clothes to his name, entered Denver and begged his supper. Last week he eloped~ with his em- ployer's wife and ten thousand of his cash. Close application to business, coupled with pluck and industry wins every time.-Nor-
 
 The sun scorches, and the driver of the facre is drunk to the degree that he cannot keep his seat; becoming aware of this, he tumbles off as best he can, takes his horses by the bridle and leads them saying, "Well if this pavement ain't slippery" And he gravely proceeds to the blacksmith's and or ders the horses sharp-shod!
 An eastern publisher has sent us 8 circular asking us to buy "Book on the Black Bass" soI, III 1or,1 bass after they have been hooked. Well, if anyone ever sees us with big bass on a hook, waiting to read few pages in a book before we can find out how to pull him ln, they can take our clothes. We shall just let nature take its course.-Milao0aljtee Sun.
 (Scene-A store in Saratoga.) Paterfamil- ias lbuying presents for the folks at home)- ''This is for baby-this for Kate-this for Lizzie-this for the cook-but what on earth shall we get for grandma ?" G. c., the moth erin law. Bob-"Take one of those toy pistols" Paterfamilias (asios s)-s'How the deuce does the child know that toy pistols cause lock-ja He can't read yet p'-Patck
 Honest farmer, passing Tortoni's, where eaters of ices most do congregate, has his at tention arrested by the refreshing spectacle and takes seat at table. Waiter (glibly) -tsAn ice, sir What kind, sir '? Lemon 1? Vanilla Orange? Strawberry? Raspber- ry?'' Honest farmer-after moments re- fection, as sweet thoughts of home rise in his heart and gladden. in his nostrils-"Got any onion ice ?''-Parts P0per.
 An asthetic poem
 A plate of hash and brindle cat
 sailing the sea; For your sisters beau pink cravat To climb hickory tree. For thee stick of tafy sweet
 IOnioas strong in the onion bed } blue-eysd pug for him to greet
 (StilI, oh still the entombed dead } An oyster stew two for you (Oh, clams fifty cents peek '
 For 8 schooner of Mountain Dew Two glasses for ten-cent check! For you stroll upon ths sand; (Red is the nose of him who drinks J For me three pairs of poker hand (Bologna sausage in solid links , The Oscar Wilde of the NoTrfstotCn Herald.