Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-04-29
F. Il N


coats vat vas left over last w1nter?'
mo, sir; dere vas dree af dem here
YETI
ssVell, We must sell 'em right away as de
Winter will not last, you know. Herman
Pr1ng me one uf de goats nnd will show
YOU Something's apout de pisness. [ will
dell YOU how We will sell dem oud, und you
must learn de plsness. Herman; de Winter
vas gone. you know, und We haf had dose
goats in the store more as seeks years.
An eight-dollar overcoat was handed
him by his clerk, and. smoothing it out,
he took buckskln money-purse from the
showcase. and, stuffing 1t full of paper,
dropped it into one of the pockets.
sNow, Herman, my poy,'' he contin-
ued, watch me sell dat goat. [ hat sold
ofer dirty-fife uf dem shust de same way,
und wants to deach you de pisness. Ven
de nexed customer comes in de shop will
show YOU de vay Rube Hoffenstein. mine
broder in Detroit, sells his cloding und I'D
der dings."
A few minutes later a negro, IN quest OF
a suitable pair of cheap shoes, entered the
store The proprietor advanced smiling.
and inquired:
''Vat is it you wish?'
ssYer got any cheap shoes hyar?" an
sWered the negro.
"Blenty of dem, my trent, blenty; at any
price you want"
The negro stated that he wanted a pair
of brogans. and soon his pedal extremitles
were encased in them and bargain
struck. AS he was about to leave the pro-
prietor called him back.
81 amt gwine ter buy muffin else. rs
got all 1 WANT said the negro sullenly.
ssDot may pc so, my dear SIR" replied
the proprietor, ''but shust wants you to
look at dis goat. IL vos de pure Russian
WOOL, und dis dime last year you doan get
dot same goat for dwenty-ffe dollors.
Mine gracious, cloding vos gone down to
noding, und dere vas no money in the pis-
ness any.longer. You wants someding dot
will keep you from de vedder, und make
you veel warm as de Summertime. De
consumption vas going round, und de
doctors dell me it vos de vedder. More
den nine peoples died round we're lif last
week. Dlnk of dot. Mine vrlend, dot vos
Russion WOOL, dick and hefy. Wy, Mister
Jones, who owns de pank on Canal sdreed
dock dot goat home NIT him yesterday and
wore it all day, but it vas leedle Digit
ACROSS de shoulders, und be brought it
pack shust vile ago. Dry it on, my dear
sir. All! dot vos all rigid Misder Jones
vas a rich man, und he liked dot goat
How deep de pockets vas, but it vas lee
die Digit ACROSS de shoulders.
The negro buttoned up the coat, thrust
his hands in the pockets and felt the purse.
A peaceful smile played over his face when
his touch disclosed to his mind the con-
tents of the pockets, but he choked dow
his joy and inquired:
"Who did you say wore dis hyar coat ~
"Vy, Misder Jones, vat owns de bank on
Canal streed."
s'What yer gwine to ak fur it!'
'sDwenty dollars
isDat's pow'ful high price fur dis coat,
but I'll take it."
ssHerman, here wrap ur dis goat fur de
shentlenan, and drOW in a cravat; it will
make him look nice nit de ladies'
ssNebber mind, LII keep de coat on"
replied the negro, and pulling out roll OF
of monev he paid for it and left the store.
While he was around the next corner
meaning over the stuffed purse, Hoffen-
stein said to his clerk:
Herman, fix up anudder Won uf dose
goats de same way, und doan forget to dell
dem dot Misder Jones, vot runs de pank
on Canal sdreed wore it yesterday. -
Neao Orleans Times.
He had just taken his seat in the street
car, III fact had hardly got fairly down,
when a lady entered. He Immediately rose.
'sDon't rise, SIT; beg of you don'tP' she
said. 'sGood heavens, ma'am,' he yelled,
ST must! There's a pin three inches long
set up on that seatl'' She made no further
objection to his rising.
1t was the first night aboard the steam
er. SAT last" be said, tenderly, 1--WE are
all alone. out upon the deep waters of the
dark blue sea, and your heart will always
beat for me as it has beat in the past!''-
"My heart s all right" she answered, Ian
guidly, Hbut my stomach feels awful. y
Brookluqa Chronicle.
That story of young man in Iowa de-
seending the walls of a well twenty-one
feet deep, and ascending again with wo-
man weighing one hundred and thirty
pounds, is all right. It vas just such lies
as this that made George Washington the
father of his country.
s Asked the secret of his long pastorate,
the Rev. Dr. Neale, of Boston said: ''Weli,
when got vexed and wanted to 60 they
wouldn't let me; and when they got vexed
and wanted Enc to 60 | wouldn't go. We
never both got mad at the same time"
''shail read you pretty story, Effie?"
''Has it got moral in it2'' Eyes dar
ling HThen, Hubsey, I'd gather not.
A story with kaoral is like jam with
powder in it!''
1t is said that a baby will cry no harder
If pin is stuck into him than he will if
the cat won't let him pull her tail. It Is
therefore, cheaper to pin him.