Richmond daily palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1876-1904, 1881-09-20
THEY CALLED lin CALAMI1 Y,
nut He Saved His Life I'm an Elmer
gency ny an Eloquent Grafton.
BIZ Nye IN Laramie Boomerang.

. Calamity is the name of q man who
lives st the gold camp of Cummins City
be mas another name, but nobody seems
to know what it Is 1t has been torn off
the wrapper some way, and so the boys
! call him Calamity. He is a man of singu-
Z lar mind and eccentric construction.
The most noticeable feature about Ca
lamity Is his superstitious dread of mus
&cuiar activity. Some people will not
Etackie any kind of business enterprise on
Friday. Calamity is even more the VIC
E;tIm OF the vague superstition, and has a
Edread Of beginning work on any day of
zthe week, for fear thst some disaster
smay befall Him. Last spring he
Ehad little domestic trouble, and
gins wife made complaint that Ca
sisnity had worn out an old long handle
sshovel on her, trying 10 convince her
Eabout some abstruse theory of his The
Testimony seemed rather against Calami-
city and the miners told him that as soon
ias they got over the rush little and had
: the leisure they would have 70 hang
him. They hoped he would take advan-
page of the hurry of business and go
away, because tfaY didn't want to hang
Shim SO early in the season. But Calam-
elty didn't go away. He stayed because
: 1t was easier to stay than to go. He did
6not, of courses pine for the notoriety of
gbeing the first man hung in the young
8camp, but rather than pull up stakes and
Emove away from q place where there
Hwere 50 many pleasant associations he
concluded to-stay u I'D meet death calmly
In whatever form it might come. One
evening after the work of the day was
3done, and the boys had eaten their sup
ners, one of them suggested that it
would be a good time to hang Calamity.
T. so they got things in shape and went
down to the Big Laramie bridge. They
j.! got things ready for the exercises to be
: gin and then asked the victim if he had
Anything to say. He loosened the rope
around his neck little with one hand
: so that he could speak with more free
dom, and holding his pantaloons on]
with the other, said: Gentlemen of the
convention, l call you to witness that
: this public demonstration toward me isl
entirely unsought on my part. l have
never courted notoriety. Pluggingl
along in comparative obscurity is good
enough for me. This is the first time l!
ever addressed an audience. That isl
why l am embarrassed and I'LL
lat ease. You have brought me herel
to hang me because l seemed harsh]
4 and severe with my wife. You haveI
Ientered the hallowed presence of my!
6home-hfe, and assumed the prerogative
fof subverting my household discipline
1t is well. Edo not care to live SO longl
Jas my authority is questioned. You will
have already changed my submissives
wife to an arrogant and self reliant wo-!
man. Yesterday told her to go out andi
grease the wagon, and she straightforward
|up to her full height and told me to gos
and grease il myself l have always been,
kind and thoughtful to her. When shes
had to go up into the gulch in the winter,
|after firewo9d, my coat shielded her FRONT
the storm nile sat alone in the cabint
| E,s, .ha ong hours. | could name
She uses hy smoking tobacco, ands
KICKS my vertebra up into mys
hat on the ipost unlocked for occasions. !
She does ndt love me any more, and life
to me is only hollow mockery. Death, /
with its wide waste of eternal calm and
Its shoreless sea of rest is glad relief toi
me. go, but | leave in your midst q:
lskittish and able-bodied widow who will
make Rome howl. | bequealh her to!
this camp. She liz yours, gentlemen. She
lis all have to give, but IN giving her,
ito you feel that my untimely deathi
will always be looked upon in this gulch;
as dire calamity. The day will come;
when you will look back upon this aw-
tul night, and wish that l was
alive again, but it will be too late. |,
will be far away. My soul will be in al
land where domestic infelicity and cold
feet can never enter. Bury me at the'
foot of Vinegar Hill, where the sage hen.
and the fuzzy humble bee may gambolI
per my lowly grave"
When Calamity had finished, an i'm
Ipromptu caucus was made. When 1t was,
adjourned Calamity went home to hisI
cabin to surprise his wife.
She has not yet fully recovered FRONT
7her surprise.