Connecticut western news., 1881-12-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

THE erection of telegraph poles m Norway has, it is said, scared away the wolves. Here it has attracted whole herds of bulls and bears. .-NeW HaUea 
 IT IS singular how men who cannot obtain living from their own business SO we'll just how their neigh bors' business should be conducted. Whitehall TSsaes.
 A WOMAN just married, wishing to im- press her husband with her abilities as a housekeeper, bawled out to the serv- ant as he entered the door: "Matilda, bring me the wash-board; I want to wash the potatoes for dinner"
 DEACON about to manage Sunday school picnic; "Yes, lemonade is some- times made of lemons, but we don't know how it would do to use that kind at Sunday school plcnic. It is an ex- pertinent. aE
 CAUGHT in a strange place; "Friands," once said a clergyman to number of people who had entered his church for the purpose of getting out of the rain, ssI have often heard of the church being used as cloak for ones sins, but this is the first time ever heard of its being used as an umbrella. "-Hdruard Lana- poon.
 A NEW religious scot in Minnesota are called the Dreamers, and they are gov erned in their conduct by their dreams, doing just what they dream they are to do. One of that gang must be in a cheerful frame of mind, when he gets up in the morning after dreaming of sitting down upon beehive.-Bosto,s Post. -..
 THE landlords of Yorktown celebrated the Centennial by charging s10 day for beds in @ hay mow. If 1t was the ancestors of these brigands who charged at Yorktown, we don't wonder that Corn wallis surrendered. The only wonder is that he didn't go back to England in his bare feet, with blanket pinned around
 his neck. --Bsrlington HasOkeye.
 THE advantages of the American bag
 gage system in tracing and recovering
 lost packages were strikingly illustrated
 in New London. A disciple of Izaak
 Walton was fishing of the foot-bridge
 for tom cod, with baggage check at-
 tached to his line by way of sinker,
 when, feeling tug at his hook, he
 pulled up and found valise securely
 fastened to his line.
 A GREAT many men begin life at the
 printers case and ascend the ladder of
 fame until they reach the editorial chair.
 Then they banker for more fame and
 commence it's descent by accepting a nomination for Congress, or a position
 in the Cabinet, or a government office, or something that way. It is hard to understand why they do so.-Norris- to,0n Herald.
 "UNDER the mist and moonlight I
 wander alone," sighs @ long-haired
 poet, and we don't wonder at it. If he [ would only visit barber's shop, out
 his finger nails close and black his l boots, we presume he could get some
 one to wander ''under the mist and the moonlight" with him. It is settled , fact that you have got to look sort of finicky before you can get girl to walk , out with you.-Ne,0 Haven Register. "D1D YOU go to the editor, as ad- } vised you ?" asked Paul Neumann of a client, whose name had been taken in
 vain a good deal lately in the paper; ''and did you ask him civilly to let up on youP" "Yes, I did," ''And didn't he promise ?" "Well, no, not exactly. But he said he would tell nothing but { the truth about me hereafter" ''The deuce he didl We must get an in- junction at once. ."-Sdn Francisco 3 Wasp.
 ) A YOUNG man is giving himself up to : the agreeable occupation of ridiculing 3 his uncle. "Oonfound it, what does 3 the old guy dye his hair in that prepos- , terous fashion for ?" is his remark just as his venerable relative enters the f room. "Sir," says the uncle, in voice
 conveying the idea of codicils and alter I ations of wills, eff men of my age are f compelled to dye, it is because men of f your age, sir, have no respect for gray f hairs ]"
 B A ooUNTRYMAN upon coming to see
 the sights was taken by town friend l to theatre. When the Ii ghts were 8 down and the play had commen ced he B was offered the use of an opera-glas l Examining it as closely as the darkness B of the place would permit, he placed it
 to his mouth. and turned it upward.
 Finding that no liquid was coming out z of it, he handed it back in despair, say 9 ing: "Its empty, John; there's DO a u single drap int"
 PROF. HUXLEY says: eff the sound r of music doesn't cause dog acute pain, : why does the animal sit up on its I launches and howl when @ German l band is doing its worst in the street? We'll tell you, professor. The dog acts ? that way because it loves music, and is 2 waiting for an opportunity to grab the
 band leader by the throat. It is not g l sign that dog doesn't love music be- r cause a street band makes him howl . Old Mendelssohn would sit up on his
 hind legs and howl, too, if ne could heai
 some of the street music of our day.
 --The Judge.
 SIMPLE LANGUAGE.
 Our language is a simple one, You hardly need be told; @ A forest and treeless down . Are both alike a wold.
 The man whose nerves are strong and we'll