Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-06-10
F. u N

F. u N
SOCIAL MISREPRESENTATION a man
axes me who Ibis mex doah." began the
old man as the triangle sounded to order
ST answer him Brown or Jones or White
or whatever de name may be, but when he
goes beyond dat an axes what salary dc
man Arms, how often his wife changes
bonnets an how dey make seben dollars a
week 20 furder dan I kin fo'teen. become
clam. has no business to know. an
when I do know won't tell. 1 used to have
curiosity in dis derecshun, but I has got
ober it of late Vars. When know dat a
sartin man, receivin' a salary Of SIP pei
week, kin give parties, hire carriages an
dress his wife in silks, it makes me glum
Dat is, it used to. used to wonder why
I couldn't do de same thing on the SAME
money, but nebber could. When de OLE
woman used to tell me dat sartin women
had new silks, new bats, new close, an
new shoes once month de var roun', an
we havin' to lib clus on de same money, it
made me mad. Dat is. it used to. When
I saw men who owed fur dar washin
struttin' aroun' like lords, while had to
work seben days IN a week an pay my
debts. [ felt like smashin' frew de side
walk. But has got ober all dis. When I
meet woman who kin dress like bank
er's wife on de $40 or s12 per week paid
bor husband doonst ,Iour noveo1f RI of,pp
fink about it. When see man buyin'
20 cent cigars, sportin' a cane and takin'
champagne, while his chillen at home am
bar'fut, try to believe dat it am all right.
When lady with $500 WORT of close OF.
axes me to do a job of Whitewashin' in a
parlor whar de bes' pictur's come from a
tea-sto, an de bes, char am under chattel
mortgage, doan't stop to wonder who
she thinks she am foolin'. Nayburs of
mine who owe all de butchers widin Cir
Gle of mile, kin pay fo' dollars cash fur a
hbery rig on Sunday an shan It criticise.
Wives may 60 shoppin' cherry day in de
week an gin parties cherry night, an my
ole woman will keep the cabin jist de same.
Since we quit wonderin' an speculatin
ober desc ings we feel much better. We
know fur fact just how fur we kin make
money go. If odder folks kin lib like lords
on $500 var it's streak of good luck an
none of our bizness. NY advice to you am
to let SIGH fngs pass. Dey are mysteries
wild which we have no dizziness, an de mo-
you ponder ober dem de less you will INFO,
hot hov tlU oil nv H.,
work and saved by good economy
Brother Gardner to the Detroit Lamekiln
Club.
AN ACCOMMODATING ROAD.-Several
days ago stranger made his appearance
at the Benson depot and asked Officer But
ton how long before the train would go
out. l
"In about twenty Minutes was the re-
ply.
"Then I'll have time to get a drink,
won't 1 ?"
"You will.''
"That's good. I always prefer to travel
on stiff horn of whiskey."
He returned in five minutes, wiping his
mouth on the back of his hand, and asked:
"Has my train gone yet 20
mo sir, you still have fourteen minutes
to spare.''
"That's good; and guess I'll go back
for little more brandy
When he again returned be felt in good
spirits. and ascertaining that be had six
minutes to spare, be said:
9'Now that's what call liberal, and III
lay in one more drink
The last one proved more than he could
bear up under, and he was not seen again
for three hours. Then he came around
with a wobble in his gait and an uncer-
tain look in his eyes, he asked:
''Shay, what time does that Tucson train
60 out ?''
I'm about four hours.''
.|Fo' hours Why, that'n give time to
GET drunk aginl Most 'commodating rail-
road ever saw, eh 20
"Yes.''
''Shay! 1 don't want to be mean. Go
an teller Superinten 'ent he needn't wait
for me any longer, cause 'tmay delay
zhentleman, am; but when a zhentle-
man holds train for me mos half day
can't impose on him any longer. Shay,
do you ever CRY when you get drunk ?
do; and if you've no jeckshuns, I'll cry
now"
No objections being made, he cried.
Fruit eaten at night is baneful.'' This
IL one of those wise axioms proved to be
true by Adam. His trouble was caused
by eating an apple after Eve.
Z GPOrt Huron Commercial
Charles Nelson, Esq, Proprietor of Mel
son House, speaking to US recently, OBJ
served: Is Uttered SO much with Rheuma-
tism that my arm withered, and physi-
clans could not help me. 1 was in despair
Of my life, when some one advised me to
try st. Jacob Oil. did SO, and as if by