The Osceola times., 1881-05-21
WAYS OF THE WORLD.

THE Philadelphia NeNs SAYS that a
New York policeman has been promoted
because he caught miserable cold one
day.
Now that measles are prevalent moth
ers as we'll as astronomers are looking
for spots ON the son.-Sc,entiic Ameri-
can.
INDIANS never drink to drown sorrow.
When they can get anything to drink
they have no sorrow to drown.-Jno. b.
H,ugh.
"Oh she was nice to eat"
Remarked the alligator
"she tasted very sweet,
And am gladiator"
Mosque Of Poets.
MEssRs. MOODY ard Sankey proposes
visiting England in September. They
will spend October in Glasgow, and
afterwards proceed to campaign in Ire
land.
THE Saturday Repiew does not approve
Of popuarizations of knowledge. and of
books in which information is reduced
TO pulp for the easy digestion of indolent
minds.
THE Russian minister at Washington,
NJ. Bartholemi, has rented one of the
Cliff cottages near the beach in Newport
for the season, and will arrive there early
in June.
QUEEN VICTORIA is afraid of being
assassinated, and when she travels the
railway is guarded the entire distance by
men who stand within hailing distance
of each other.
DARWIN, in his recent book, says that
"all plants circummutate." This is a
IL x,xI la .ntt ion,
There has been quite too much of this
conduct. 1t is true a reform is greatly
needed.
THE reviewers of the New Testament
have substituted the word "Hades" for
Hell" wherever the Objectionable term
occurs. This is doubtless intended as a
compliment to Bob Ingersoll and Henry
Ward Beecher.- Christian Observer.
This isn't the managerie," observed
an irascible deacon to man who was try
ing TO force passage through the crowd
at church doorway. "No, presume not"
replied the stranger, cor they wouldn't
leave any of the animals TO block up the
entrances"
MASCULINE onsistency-Lovelace de
la Poer Spinks (his usual soliloquy be-
fore his glass; AFTER all, it's not mans
personal appearance women care for. It's
his character, it's his intellect, it's"
Proceeds, as usual, to squeeze his neck
into collar which prevents him from
turning his head, his feet into tight
boots which prevent him from walking
and his waist into a belt which pre-
vents him from drawing his breath
Woman's Journal.
A YOUNG man, pale and visibly agi-
tated, hurriedly entered Court street
drug store, late one night last week, and
accosting the clerk said "Give me an
ounce of chlorate OF potash, will you, as
quick as you cam" Observing his pur-
lurbation the clerk ventured to ask:
"What's your hurry" "Why, I've been
kissing our Sunday school teacher since
nine o'clock and she didn't tell me till ten
minutes ago that she was afraid that she
had the diphtheria"
HARDINGE's is new system of phono-
graphy, designed for those whose pa
tience has been exhausted by the old
methods of shorthand" The particu-
lar features of this, which the author
claims makes it an exact verbatim phono-
graphy, are: That "it is an unshaded
system; that the pen is seldom taken off
in forming word, using no superhuous
marks or dots; and that sentences may
be contracted when an orator is speaking
with unusual rapidity."
IT was class of four small boys, and
after the recitation the teacher thought
he would get an insight into their char
acters by asking them what they desired
to be when they became grown men.
One had an ambition to be lawyer, an
other preferred to keep candy store,
another thought he would become loco
motive engineer, but the last one said
he wanted to be a cat. II cat" exclam-
ed the teacher. Yes. sir, cat" en-
phatically repeated the little one, rubbing
his arm ruefully; cats never get small
pox and don't have to be vaccnated."
AN individual with abaggard counten-
ance and shock head of hair, was ar
rested in western New England viii
lage as a tramp and taken before the
magistrate. what were you brought up
tor" asked the court. "I'm public lee
turer," returned the prisoner, proudly.
"Sorry to hear it," said the Judge. a
didn't know but what you might be a
tract distributor, or sewing machine
agent, or a strayed Ohio man; but since
you're lecturer, it's my duty protect
the community and shall have to send
you to the workhouse for sixty days"
TIE erection of the Lick observatory
on Mt Hamilton, near San Jose, Cal,
will soon begin. The small dome OF the
north end will contain the 12-inch equa-
torial telescope, which is expected to be
in readiness by November TO observe
the transit of Mercury. The dome at
the south end will be fifty feet in diam
eter, and contain the 36-inch diameter
telescope, the construction of which will
take about five years. Telegraphic COM
munication will be made with the West
ern Union wires The claim is made
that this point is more favorable atmos-
pherically for observations than any
other spot in the civilized world.
A REPORTER on a san Francisco paper
wrote the following account Of his
hated rivals marriage: The bride was
radiant in beautiful lavendar silk dress
with orange wreath and six. button No. 8
kid gloves, slightly burst in the thumbs
The groom was as straight as a black
cloth suit constructed by the best tailor
on Tehama street could make him and
AS red IN the face as was consistent with
pair of boots two sizes too small and n
No. l3 collar encircling his manly l6J.
inch neck. Fortunately before the cere-
mony was over the restraining button
on the back of his shirt flew out and
saved him from strangulation'
I've tried to lead an honest life.
jedge," observed the prisoner, "but
what's the use? There amt no encour-
as.t2t e..