Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-06-11
WIT AND WISDOM.

rance by continually nhrroWAnB hlS A0eA-
ings.
A Mo-~ANA barber advertises: "My
sciss rs beat the man over the way. l
used to be an editor"
CERTAIN kinds of straw hats certainly
make man look better; but there Is
one that will make a Manila.
HAVE you read the new version P
Boston Post Yes. Have you read the
old one ?-PhilaClell0hja NelCS.
DUMAS says that wicked people are
more to be liked than stupid people,
because they sometimes take a rest.
THE man who was "waiting for some
thing to turn up" was rewarded when
he stepped upon the edge of a barrel
hoop.
"NIGHT-sHIRT tourists" That's what
the railroad people call the boys who go
out of town Saturday night to spend
Sunday.
Mrs. o. Leo Margarine has a wide
circle of friends who consider her the
cream de la creme; butter enemies think
differently.
SHE-''You are a ninny, John" He
-''You never called me that till we
were made one, darling. Perhaps You
are right"
AS DR.. OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES
phrases it in a recent letter, it is hard
instructing ancient canine individuals in
new devices.
GIVE a dog bad name and it will
stick to him, is an old saying; but the
mucilage that gets a bad name is the
kind that won't stick.
PHILADELPHIA wants a law against
whistling They don't believe a man
should busy his mouth with whistling
when he might use it to lie with.-Bos-
ton Post
He SAT- in the cleaning on the doorstep,
Her head was heavy, and his heart was faint,
Hetalked of the moon and undying love,
While his pants were taking the fresh white
paint.
A PHILADELPHIA millionaire persuaded
his sons to study law, and then, so that
they would be sure to get possession OF
all his property, willed it to some one
else.
An epicure is q man who knows what
is good to eat, and who talks about
his food necessarily. All an epicure
needs is bristles, and then ne could be
classed at glance.
A WOMAN pianist who plays with only
one hand is just now the talk of Paris.
If we remember rightly, the italian or
ganist invariably plays with only one
hand. The italian has a wonderful
turn for music.
"YoUR husband is not in to-day,
ma'am ?" said a collector who called at
the door. "No, he is not" ' Do you
know where / can find him % 81 guess
he has gone fishing. He carried glass
bottle filed with something he called
'bait.
SHE-"Why don't you grow a mus
tache, Edwin? You would look so
much better" He-"Well, but don't
want one. I've got pair of cricketer's
whiskers." She-""C ""Cricketer's whiskersi
What are they?" He-'Eleven on each
side, dear"
FASHION item: (Which had you rath-
er be, twinkling star in tie heavens or
q comet that with its broad train of fire
sweeps in majestic course through un-
known space?" "I should prefer by
all means to wear a train," said she,
but not in unknown space. It would
never be described in the newspapers"
PEOPLE do not always mean what they
say. Such, it may be presumed, was
the case when the builder of a church
in a London suburb. on returning
thanks for the toast of his health,
which had been proposed, remarked:
'1 fancy am more fitted for the scat
fold than for public speaking"
AN absent-minded man in Monroe,
Ct, went to church one morning with
his overcoat on his arm, as he supposed;
but the laughing of the people in church
attracted his attention to the fact that
he had taken his everyday pantaloons,
and that the suspenders attached to
them were dangling about his legs.
THIS man is Philadelphian. What
a large hat he wears! The large hat is
a sign of brotherly love. The Phila-
delphian is happy. See what broad
smile expands his features. Why does
the Philadelphian thus relax his coun-
tenance? 1t is because New York can't
have any Worlds Fair. There are many
Philadelphians IN this world.
Mrs. AGAssz found, one morning, in
one of her slippers, cold little Shiny
snake, one of six sent the day before to
her scientific spouse, and carefully set
aside by him for safety under the bed.
She screamed: "There is q snake In
my slipper p The sduant leaped from
his couch, crying: ga snake! Good
Heaven, where are the other five?"
THE people of a New Hampshire
town are so fearful lazy that, when the
wife of a minister who had just settled
in that town asked prominent citizen
if the inhabitants generally respected
the Sabbath and refrained from bust
ness, he replied: "Confound it, ma'am,
they don't do work enough in the whole
week to break the Sabbath, if it was all
done on that day."
A YOUNG Englishman, Just over, was
found in hilarious mood by an Ameri
can friend one evening recently at Del
monico's. "Had a jolly good time
went down to Wall street, you know.
Everybody was buying and selling
stocks, so 1 bought and 1 sold don't
know how many hundred shares, and
here am safe and sound" "Oh, then
you made money p" "Not a penny.
What makes me feel good is that / didn't
lose any,"
TWO VERSIONS.
One knows the spring is coming
There are birds the fields are green
There's balm in the sunlight and moonlight,
And dew in the twilights between.
But ever there is.siasoec,
a.1EF s4,,,,1