Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-11-18
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rance agent looking up.
ssYou are excusable, sir. What did you
wish?''
"Well-you see-I'm bit mixed. Was
it Napoleon or Bonaparte who crossed the
Alps?"
Napoleon. of COURSE"
"Just so-thanks. l was incl ined that
way myself, but yet knew that General
Washington was always scooting around,
and he might have taken it into his head
to cross the AlDs. Good day SIR"
He passed down the hall thirty feet, and
then returned and protested:
s'Say, don't think ill of me; but I am
still mixed up-dreadfully mixed. Will
you answer me one more question:"
ssYes.''
ssWas it Nero who commanded the sun
to stand still?"
mo, it was joshua"
II had an idea that it was Joshua, but
was always fddling around, you know and
I had dim idea that he might have taken
whack at the sun. Very much obliged
to you, sir"
This time he went half way down stairs
and returned on tip-toe. The agent looked
up and saw him in the door, and sharply
queried:
sWell?''
''Mixed up again!'' pleaded the stranger.
''Say I want to ask you one more ques
tion.''
s'Yes."
"Did you ever lend man dollar to
help him On his way to Columbus to see
his dying wife?''
''Neverl You are thinking Of old Dioge-
mes. He used to shell out to every dead
beat who came along"
mixed again, by thunder" muttered
the man, and as he passed down stairs he
took great pains to set his feet down On
each step like man who had bet on three
of kind and found a flush taking his
money.
A dry goods clerk, who had a most out
landish way of walking. had to go to
distant part of the store to find some goods
which party of feminine customers de-
sired to see, walk this way, ladies' he
called as he swung himself off. But we
can't walk that way" cried a pert miss;
I'VE never learned that style. you know"
The clerk is now drilling his tibia in the
motions of new gait.
A Scotch preacher who found his congre-
CATION going to sleep one Sunday, before
he had fairly begun, suddenly stopped and
exclaimed, Brethren, its nae fair, gle
mon half chance. Wait till get alang,
and then. if Pm nae worth listening to.
gang to sleep, but dinna gang before get
commenced. Gle mon chance"
A Readjuster orator, at Political
meeting the other night in Wythe, said if
he had the wings of bird he would fly to
every village and hamlet in the broad land.
and carry the glad tidings of victory which
he was so sure Of A naughty boy in the
crowd sang out: YOU'D be shot for a
goose before YOU had fled mile.''
A grandfather, coming to read his pa
per, found that he had mislaid his specta-
Giles, and thereupon declared: II have lost
my glasses somewhere and can't read the
paper" A little three year old girl desir-
ing to assist him, answered. 'sG'anpa, you
go outside and look froo de window, and
I'll hold re paper so you can read it.'
'sMatildy,'' said Mrs. McSpiIkins to her
new help, who was that black loafer !
Saw III the kitchen last night eating sup
per? l thought you told me you never had
any friends coming to see you2" Il don't
know muffin about dat niger; Ireckon de
udder cook left him dar when she went
away"
A veracious exchange narrated that
Richard Grant White tainted when a |
friend whose grammar he was correcting, |
told him of an Ohio girl whose companion |
asked her at a party. ''Shall I skin your !
apple for your" mo, I thank you, she |
replied, II have one already skun.''
Nineteen years ago Tennessee farmer |
fused to let his daughter go to candy
pull, and she disappeared, The other DAY |
she returned; lifted eleven children out Of /
wagon into the house and took off her
duds as coolly as if she hadn't been gone
over one day.
1t is matter of economy for man to
allow his wife to purchase. the meat. A
woman can get more meat for fifteen cents
than man can for half dollar. And she
car generally get chunk of liver thrown
in. too.
There is young girl in Passaic
Who eats too much pudding and caic:
When some musical wight
Serenades her at night
She shouts, go ahead; Pm awaic -
A fashion item says gentlemen cards
are larger than last year. Those that we
have been playing with lately are the same
old size, and just as hard as ever to give
up both bowers and the ace.
Eyes, sir, J" said Mr.. G., sit was funny
enough to make donky laugh. laughed
till CRIED and then as he saw a smile 90
round the room, he got mad and left.
A negro, after gazing at some Chinese,
shook his head and solemnly said: 'sIf de
white folks am so dark out dar, wonder
what's de color OBJ de black folks ?".
The 9rfiaE3a a6iou RI his niofy1ra-Vou |