The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1881-07-14
SOMETHING RICH.
And Every Man Who Reads 1t VIII
Say SO.

And Every Man Who Reads IL VIII
Say so.
Colonel Hepburn lives at Clarinda, Iowa
He was elected TO congress at the late cleo
ton, and his home friends gave jollillca.
ton in his honor. Mr.. L B. Cake, q
democrat, was called upon for some remarks
and here they are. Read and laugh:
FELLOW CrTIzENs-A man usually attends
his own funeral, but it is not expected that
he should talk q great deal. l knew the
funeral services would 90 on without me, SC
l concluded that would bring the body,
But it takes great deal of grace 10 sustain
a man who helps furnish the corpse for an
occasion like this. N body but democrat
could do it. 1t is certain that no one save a
democrat has had chance to try it for the
last twenty years.
DISAPPOINTMENT is the modern democrats
birthright, and mourning his normal condi-
ton. They took out patent on disaster
twenty years ago, and it has never been IN
fripged The patent ran out in 1876, and
they have Just got it renewed. Lo king over
the landscape of the last twenty year,, l be-
hold acres and acres of busted hopes, cords
and cords. of disgruntled. billions, and bar
rels of unavaiing tears, oceans and oceans
strewn with the wrecks of phantom ships,
once burdened with democratic delusious.
Disappointment is an anchor to the demo-
cratic soul both sure and steadtast.
Lseves have one time to fall.
And fl wers'to wither at the north winds
b!eak.
And stars to set. but all, o, Democrat!
Tn IL hast all times for thine own death
might say with hylock, Suffrance, yea,
suffersnce ANTS is the badge of our tribe. l
could give you 800 reasons for this A law
yer offered Judge sixteen reasons why his
client was not present in conrt First he was
dead. The Judge told him to omit the other
fifteen. The first reason of my S29 is--we
lacked the votes You will allow me to omit
the other 1923. But could give you more
than 329 reasons. Yea, More-y letter John
Kelly did it with his little racket. Wade
Ham pton's mule broke his leg instead OF his
neck and Ben Hill wasn't born mute. Fog
ish had forecosed bis mortgages and we
couldn't redeem. Then
TITS the south that can supply.
Solid comforts while we die.
In some states the greenback par y fell
through q crack in their platform AMI
crippled us. But democracy still lives.
Irs like the mule, it never dies. But, I'M
fort unately, like the mule, while it lives i. is
forever throwing its riders.
l. bucked Greeley off and killed him in
1872. Tiden stuck on till he passed under
the wire, but there was much daJEght be-
tween him and this democratic quadruped;
the Judges counted him of, although he had
his feet in the stirrups. This year we
rot splendid send off and might have
won, but the donkey was stricken
down in Indiana with (g) LanN
ders. We close this chapter of history with
the hope the story will not be continued in
our next. We scceptth defeat more cheer
lily. because of the magnanimous manner
with which you take the victory. We take
il every four years. 1t is a standing pre-
scription. 1t might well be called quad
rennisl ipecsc. II works up before election
and works down after the returns come in.
We thank you for the unanimous way in
which you have turned out to our funeral.
We congratulate you on the magnificent and
imposing grandeur of the obsequies.