The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1881-01-12
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

THE man who drinks 'nlf an 'alf geta
of'en off.
IT is the flat who loves to have others
hatter him.
MANY broth Of boy has been re.
duced to a supe at the theatre.
A MAN out in Nebraska died the other
day while blowing his nose. 1t was
fatal blow.
You can tell when reporter is going
to make n point by the way he sharpens
his pencil.
To remove superlluous hair Send
your well filled mattress to be done over
by cheap upholsterer
The book agent knows he is solid
when he wipes his feet on door mat in
which the word "Welcome" is woven.
OUT in the mines they shoot n man
who refuses to drink his soup straight
from the plate -Einir0 Free Press
A pIsFIaURED man feels bad, of course,
about being marked for life; but when he
is marked for death he must feel worse.
AN exchange says: "Streams al over
the county are running dry" This is a
canard. When stream is dry it can't
run.
A LITTLE girl who was much petted
said: 81 like sitting on gentlemens
knees better than on ladies; don't you,
ma.
Or forty cases on the docket of the
Fayette County CTexas) District Court,
nineteen are for divorce. Only twenty
one murders
WHEN Butus and Cassius were boys
the girls used to say that Brute was such
a nice fellow, but they preferred Cash.
The girls haven't changed one bit.
"WmL you take EN- on the half SHELF"
asked the agreeable oyster opener.
NO" said the stranger, regardless of
expense, 'whole shell or nothing"
INpIGNArIoN will fill the breast of every
artist when we state that two men were
arrested III lumber yard the other day
because they were suspected of a design
on wood.
MIsrREss-"Mary, this venerable goose
il tough enough to break ones teeth"
Maid - "Yes'm; didn't you tell mo,
ma'am, that you wanted it for o piece DC
rcsiStURcc?'
Or u misery man who died of Soften
ing of the brain. local paper said "His
head gave way, but his hand never did.
His brain softencd but his heart
couldn't.
A PROVIDENCE paper says prominent
citizen Of New Hampshire died "of in
ilammaionof the bowels, agodforty- eight
years. Pretty old inflammation, we
should say.
Two children in the Tulleries were ex-
tolinS the qualities of their respective
papas Mine is as tail as the garden
wall, said one. 'Nty papa can SEQ
over the garden wall. "Aud mine, too.
when lie has his hat on"
A WITNESS under cross.eXamination,
who had been tortured by lawyer for
several hours, at last asked for glass of
water. There" said tho Judge, II
think you'd better let the witness go
now, as you have pumped him dry"
NATIVE Alaskan ladies of fashion wear
entire suits made OF sealsIiiu, drink wits.
Ky and eat whales blubber; and they
are not Il bit stuck up about it, either.
There is a moral concealed in the bust
ness end of this paragraph.
THE late Rev. Dr. Symington, not feel
ing well one Sunday morning, said to his
beadle, who was character MAN
Robert, | wish You would preach for me
to-day" 81 Gamma DO that" promptly
replied Robert, but l often pray for
YOU.
"OLD woman, how do you sell beets?"
asked n loafcr of an old vegetable woman
IN the market, and she replied: II just
tell EN- III trust EN-, and then give 'em
stuff that looks all right and amt good
for nothing. They don't like the sell
either.