Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1881-04-18
Misfellanfoms.
m. wArs or wAsHLo.


To law Chinaman as to philosopher.
everything is a matter for marvel. His
life IS wondered away by the hour. He
picks up piece of scrap-iron in the street,
and first be wonders for an hour what it
has been used for, and then he speculates
for sixty minutes concerning some posi-
bic use to which he may turnit. You step
into the post Office to mail letter; he fol-
lows you, wondering what YOU are going
for; you buy stamp, he counts the change
and estimates the cost: you lick it, he is
amazed at the process you slide the letter
into the box, he catches last glimpse OF
the vignette on the stamp, notices man
head with attachment Of pig-tail, and he
goes out and sits down on the extreme
edge Of the sidewalk and stares at nothing,
while he wonders If that man was Confu
cius.
Like the proverbial country-boy who
has never left his home. the Chinaman Is
gawky ard ungraceful in the extreme,
but never was there boOk-agent. one OF
that class Of men who travel so much, that
had more of cool audacify than Re. His
iocose familiarity is more than audacious
at times-it is insolent. Should YOU stop
in the street to exchange word OF cour-
tesy with lady acquaintance whom you
meet, John loafs along. his slovenly slip
pers tapping at his heels and suddenly
YOUR coat becomes matter OF mighty I'M
port to him. So, in his innocent imperti-
hence he walks around you and stares,
STUDYING it as if he were tailor and an ar
tist. then, coming nearer to examine the
fabric, he does not hesitate to take the fab
ric in his hands, pressing it TO his palm or
his cheek--of which he has great quantity
in order to determine the nature OF its
texture. Now, such hangers-on are not
pleasant to nave, albeit they are OF celes-
tial origin, as they boast the Chinaman
is a very good cook, but he is not hand
some enough TO play the valet or footman,
to hold up ones skirts in the street.
Once an old and toothless child Of the
sun entered our camp and inquired ''who
bossee here?' 1t being supposed that he
had vegetables to sell. he was referred to
the tent of the gentleman in question.
This he invaded, sidlcd up to the occupant.
slapped him convivially on the shoulder,
and said, You hosscc here Bully Shake
handr" And, having paid his respects in
this informal manner. he seemed to have
no further communication to make. but
began an inspection Of our camp furniture,
which task promised TO occupy him the
rest OF the day. Thinking to entertain
our bigh-born guest. our musical man
sang him the song beginning-and. it is
to be hoped, ending also-with the follow
ing lines:
p,c,,v little CI,inawonsn cook a little chow chow
Live beside u little Ill., in little house;
Take a little pus-vcai and little bow WOW.
Cook EN- in u little kettle with a little mouse.
what do you think of that. John ?"
"Heap crazy man. was the dsdainful
and laconic rebukc with which the heath
en- crushed our minstrel.
These men are certainly of the lowest
and most ignorant grade at home, and yet
there are few laundry-workers of other
nationalities-Irish, German or colored-
who can handle the pen rs easily rs they
WELD the brush. Take your weeks linen
to one of these houses, and Immediately
one of the inmates seats himself ut the
desk, dips the brush into the moistened
surface of a cake OF ink, and with many n
dash and artistic stroke, every one OF whose
curves is line of beauty. he makes out a
memorandum of the articles consigned to
his care. These washing lists. looking so
like the labels on our packages of fire.
crackers. are greatly in demand. and are
carried away rs souvenirs of travel in
Chinatown. Absent fathers send them
home to their children humorous students
on summer vacation consign them to their
old professors. calling them lost manu-
scripts of great archaeological worth; and
once there was an iniudicious lover who
sent one home to his sweetheart.
1t was in this way. He was practical
Joker, and. having one of these laundry
documents in his possession. he thought
he would have some fun. So he sprink-
led the delicate paper with sweet essences
and addressed it to his heart own. With
this he dispatched letter. in which he
said that the inclosed was a Chinese mad
irgral. written at his instigation expressly
for her by one OF the greatest of Chins's
poets, and, further. that it was to be read
to slow music from the gentle tomtom,
with an occasional outburst from the gong.
The lady, devoured with anxiety to hear
the sweet words of this mystical message.
forwarded it to translator who returned
answer, couchcd in the cold precision of
business. that the writing certified that this
gentleman. the practical joker. had de-
posted with MIR. Wash Lo. washerman.
one shirt. two collars, one pair OF hose. ct
al, and that the same were TO be duly
cleansed. ironed and ready for return on
such day. II is said that the lady's re-
ply to this practical joker was read with
out the assistance of translator. and the
tune to which he read it was dirge over
lost love. This fable teaches us that it
Is well to reserve ones practical Jokes on
ones sweetheart till after the wedding day.