The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-01-19
VALE 1880; AVE! 1881.
Retrospective and Prospectiye-The King
is Dead-Long Live the King.
daily Graphic. !

Is Ii Long Live the King,
daily Graphic.]
by special arran cement with the telegraph
operators at the various points mentioned,
we are enabled to lay before our readers the
subjoined congratulatory New Years dis
patches from high and mighty personages in
advance Of their delivery at their separate
destinations:
THE E~X-KHEDIvE TO THE EX-Boss.
NAPLES, January |.
Most Hlustrious Brother in Misfortune =
Salutations without number. May you live
to cut off the heads of all your enemies, and
may you never be afflicted as | am. tell
thee, noble warrior, all lother ills of this
world are sweet %honey-dew rained from Par
adise compared with the trials and troubles Of
a man with 800 wives. Thou hast shaken off
the cares of State, and thou art free from
marital miseries. Therefore, I congratulate
thee, and wish thee 10000 'thappy new
years" lsMAL.
THE GAR TO PRESIDENT II
ST. PETERsBURG, January /.
Ny congratulations to the ruler Of so, 000,-
600 of people, who has never been shot at
and never even come near being blown up
It is a happiness I can appreciate who know
not whether Tomorrow I will be at peace Or
in pieces. Pray for me. ALEXANDER.
m TO
PARIS, January L.
Mon Cher Anil hope you find yourself
well on this mirthful day. Isaved you from
getting shot once, and I hope | shall have the
pleasure Of ordering you to be shot some
other day, Let us not get excited over it,
however. Woe la RepubNque-while it lasts,
@% ..-@ # LEON.
@".. WILLIAM TO VICTORIA.
Dear Old Mother IL congratulate you
most heartily on the condition of your en-
pire. Do you need any more troops for Ire
land? II you do / could spare a few humid
red thousand to take care Of India and South
Africa and Canada for you for an indefinite
time. # you insisted on it I could also spare
a few regiments for Gibraltar and Malta.
WILHELM.
GLADSTONE TO BEACoNsFIELD.
HAWARDEN, January |.
Mine enemy has written a book; therefore
I wish you many happy returns of the day.
| cannot be happy myself, owing to circum-
stances in Africa, Afghanistan and Ireland,
over which I have at present no control. |
will see you hanged some day, though you
.#-. w. E. G..
THE POP TO MAYOR RACE.
ROME, January |.
Dearly Beloved Son:-My blessings on
your devoted head, and many happy New
Years may you live to see. [ regret that you
cannot spare any chamber in your City Hall
for the sessions Of the Holy Inquisition, and
that, as you say, an auto da te is quite impos-
sible, at present, in the park Do not des
pair, however. LEO.
The doctor says | must swear off on bran
dy. Very good. / solemnly VOW that here
after III conine myself to three brandy
smashes at every meal. You hear me!
BISMARCK.
I desire to signalize the beginning of the
New Year and the close of my administra-
ton by 8 good resolution. With the help Of
heaven and Mrs. Hayes, I shall drink nothing
stronger than apple-jack. r. B. HAYES.
They say that if you give four quarts Of
nicotine TO $ potatoe bug it will kill him.
That settles 1t. No more cigars for
q. s.. GRANT.
i have lived a gay, reckless, extravagant
life long enough. Imean to begin the New
Year By being economical and saving, even
if I imperil my reputation for generosity.
w. II. ENGLISH.
I beWail my transgression, and my sin is
ever before me. With the year 1881 I begin
a new and g goodly life. Imay even become
q missionary. r. G. INGERsoLL.
From this day henceforth / mean to be q
good girl, and devote my literary powers to
the composition Of Sunday school tracts.
OulDA.
Hereafter / promise and resolve to go out
but one night in the week, and for the rest Of
the time stay home and mind the baby.
ALFONSO.
P. S.-The dear little thing looks more like
me every day.
1t is time | stopped swearing, and after
New Years [ won't utter another oath, s'help
me. d. Z. MOODY.
FireWater, introduced by the palefaces, has