The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-05-08
HUMOR.

In early life, on the home farm, 1t is
said that Jay Gould's special chore was
watering the stock
A liveryman thinks the great want of
the day is young men with three arms.
He vaguely says it would lessen the
number of sleighing accidents.
Teacher-"Has fire any genderP"
Pupil-"Yes; feminine" Teacher
"What makes you think sop Pupil
because mamma tells papa not to hug
the fire.
"Nlrs. Brown, do wish you would
try to bring David out little. Why,
do you know he's so baShful that |
really think if he caught the measles
they wouldn't come OUT
When a man begins to 90 down hill
he finds everything creased for the oc-
casion, says philosopher, who might
have added that when he tries to climb
up he finds everything creased for the
occasion, too.
care sisters Sally and Nancy re-
sources, PAP" mo, my boy; why do
you ask that question: because |
heard Uncle Joe say that if you would
only husband your resources, you would
get along a great deal better than you
do, That's all pa"
The other morning an Irishman was
heard obiurgating as follows within his
dilapidated shanty: "Where is my
white-handled knife, We young spal-
peen?n al don't know, father bad
luck to We! The next time We lose it,
so as can't find it at ALL I'll cut off
yer head wild it!'
GLOW much is your stick candyP"
inquired boy of candy dealer six
sticks for five centSP' "Lcmme see.
Six sticks for five cents, five for four
cents, four for three cents, three for
two cents, two for one cent, one for
nuthin'. I'll take one" and he walked
out, leaving the candy man in q state
of bewilderment,
A little Boston girl called one of her
dolls, a little jointless creature, the
"woman's rights DOLL but why do
you call her sop asked her aunt,
q lecturer upon that much-dscussed
question. "Oh, CAUSE, Aunt H." the
child answered, "shes Just like you;
she can't ever sit down and be comfort
able.
There is one boy in Galveston who
will never be musician. He is too
independent. His teacher was trying
to make him play the right notes, and
said to him, "You must not reach way
over there on the table, That's not
right" II guess I'll reach where l
please on this piano. We own this
piano, | reckon. I'll put my feet upon
it if see fit"
Doctor said one of our best young
men in society, "doctor, / guess there
is something the matter with my brain;
know there is What shall do about
it?' And the doctor calmly but firmly
said he guessed it needed little exer-
else as much as anything else; and now
the best young man goes around saying
the doctor is fool.
Scene-Street-car in Jerusalem: Old
lady hooks her parasol over the strap
and pulls. 'Driver, driver! stop the
car don't want to go clear TO Mount
Zion" This car don't 90 that way,
mum; it stops at the American Beer
Garden Thus we note the progress
of timo.
Wife, given to literature and the
drama, to her husband-"G George, what
is the meaning Of the expression Go it,
you meet with so frequently in Shaks-
peare and the old dramatistsp" Hus-
band (not q reading man)--"l don't
know, Pm sure, my dear, unless-well
perhaps he was going to say--but
thought it wouldn't sound proper
The following letter was received by
a clergyman from member of his con-
gregation who pursued the humble but
useful calling of a tailor. 1t was written
about six months after the delivery of q
very impressive sermon urging the
brethren to put faith in one another
"Dear sir, | have tried the plan you
recommended, and beg to inform you
in all candor that il won't work. II
you expect me to pay pew rent, don't