The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 18??-1882, 1881-10-07
Wise and Otherwise.
ADMINISTRATIONS.

What kind of field is older than
you arep One that is pasturage.
Rowell, the pedestrian, has retired
from the track with fortune of $780,
900.
The hens that produced the most
eggs during the month of May were the
May-lays.
DR.. Tanner is experimenting upon
electricity as an article of food. He
won't want to try ga bolt of lightning"
more than once.
When steamboat passengers talk too
much to the captain he can always find
relief by shouting, "Man overbOredP'
-Ne,o York Picayat'ae.
"There's some things as old as the
hills anyhow" said old uncle Reuben.
"What are they?" asked his niece.
"There's the valleys between 'em,
child" solemnly answered the old man.
"Archimedes, you say, discovered
specific gravity on getting into his
bath; why had the principle never be-
fore occurred to him p"-"Probably
this was the first time he ever took a
BATH"
They had been at the masquerade,
where she had recognized him at once.
'Was it the loud beating of the heart,
my darling, that told you was near ?"
murmured he. "Oh, no." she replied,
81 recognized your crooked legs"
The Late John Brougham was we'll
known as wit, and his replies were
always on the spur of the moment. At
a banquet in New-Yo ork he was seated
next to Corener Crocker. A toast was
proposed, and Brougham asked the cor
Oner what he should drink it in.
"Claret," said the coroner. "Claretp'
was the reply; "that's no drink for a
coroner. There's no body in tha t."
Two young men, who move in the
very best Austin society, went on
spree not long since. After they were
pretty well under way, one of them
said in an inebriated tone of voice,
'Let's bid each other goodnight, Billl'
"Why, you amt going home already2
It's right in the shank of the evening""
"Of course I'm not going home now,
but after awhile we won't know each
Ozzer from q shide of sole leather, so
lets shay goodnight right now, before
it ish too late" They embraced
Teras SVtiags.
The deplorable ignorance of foreign
ers was conspicuously displayed the
other day in a certain English village.
The keeper of the principal shop had
aspirations for his daughter, and sent
her to several boarding and finishing
schools, till she was in her fond fathers
eyes, brimful of knowledge of the most
character. He believed
her to be possessed of unlimited wis
dom, and proudly told friend how
she played, sang, danced, and what a
of languages she spoke. "But
how ignorant them foreigners isp' he
observed. "Why, there was French
man down here last week, and my gal
was talking to him for an hour or
more, and 1 tell you half the time he
couldn't make out what she was say
ing! The man didn't know his own
language!"
An Englishmen who landed at Dub
lin few months ago was filled with
apprehension that the life of any loyal
subject of her Majesty was not worth
a farthing there and thereabouts. The
Land Leaguers, he imagined, were all
bloodthirsty assassins, and all that sort
of thing. But it was his duty to trav-
ell in the land-a duty he approached
with fear and trembling. Now, there
happened to be on his route number
of towns the names of which begin
with the suggestive syllable "Kil."
There were Kilmartin, and 80 on. In
his signorance of geographical nomencla-
ture, his affrighted senses were startled
anew on hearing fellow-passenger in
the railwaycarriage remark to another
as follows: "I'm just afther bein'
over to Fitzpatrick" "And l." replied
the other, 'am afther bein' over to
Kilmary." "What murderers they arel'
thought the Englishman. "And to
think that they talk of their assassina-
ton so publicly" But the converse
ton went ON. "And fhare are ye goin'
nowp" asked assassin No. 1. T'm
goin' home. and then to Kilmore," was
No.2's reply. The Englishman's blood
curdled. .'Kilmore, is itp" added No.
l. "You'd betther be comm along
wud me to Kilumaulel" The English
man left the train at the next station.