Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-09-30
The Mortuary Poet.

He was coGutry looking chap. Win
sn odd mixture OK SORROW AID reslgna-
ton on his lean couutenaDce, anu he
dropped upon TIE startled advertising
c.erk Of the Bangor PG:rot with the
my sterious whisper Of
"She's gone!
"Who's gone: asked the clerk.
Mariar.'
WHO in thunder's Maria"
My wifi; she's gone.
"GOue where
"Cp above-lied last night-want
you 10 put il il your next issue
"Wh4t allied herr
"L9cGl4w. She laid for three weeks
and couldn't SPEAK; rever bal such
quiet time in the house before. Just
do the notice up iiue. will yon, an l IL
see that everything Is fixed up ali
right"
Accordingly, the clerk scrubbed away
q moment, handed out what he had
written for inspection, and CURLY re-
marked:
"Dollar thirty five"
The bereaved husband read it over
carefully, and finally gave sigh OF sat
isfactlon.
That's all right" he said, handing
over the required specie. but pose
you might pnt a verse on the END,
couldn't you?'
"Well yes. replied the clerk, guess
so. What kind Of verse do you
WANT"
"Somethin' tender-like and sorrow
full"
How would this do?" asked the
clerk, scratching his head with the end
of his pen-holder:
A perfect female folks did consider her,
She's gone and left u weepin' widower-
"That's kinder melancholy" reflect
ed the stranger, "but l reckon it's q
leetle Just leetle-too personal. just
you try it again. l don't mind putin
up handsum for suthin' thatll rake
folks heart-strings."
The clerk gazsd at the ceiling for g
moment. and then suggested
The busbsnd's lost a wife.
The children ma.
Died on Friday night
From the Lock- w.
EYES," broke in the mourner, wiping
his nose with black-bordered handler
chief, "but you See 1 don't own any
yung 'uns."
what do you think OF this. then ? .
She always was contented,
At life she d never carp,
Gone to be all angel
And play on golden harp.
Don't believe that'd suit. You see
Msiiar couldn't even play on a pisnner
an know a harp would stump her
sure. Poor woman! she had tender
heart. though, and made the most ele
CANT biscuit you ever saw"
Hanged if don't have to charge
you EXTRA growled the clerk. I"
amt Longfellow or Tennyson."
81 know" meekly responded the
weeping widower. "Jest try once
more, won't your"
So the clerk did try. and at last
ground out the following:
On earth could not stay Marian,
SO she died and went up higher.
"Sorter irreverent, amt it. anxious.
ly asked Maria's relict. 81 reckon
would not grudge couple of dollars
for bang-up verse;
Thus stimulated, the machine poet
became suddenly inspired and exulting.
ly produced:
Cry for Msria!
Alas, She is no more
Joined the singing seraphs
Upon the other shore.
The afflicted one took q chew of tc.
bacco, and whispered:
Beautiful; bat there's one thing
that spiles it. Marian hadn't any more
melody in her than an old pillow, and it's
deliberit lynn to speak of her as vo-
calist. None of the other syrups User
aphs) you allude to could begin to keep
time with her. No, SIR"
WELL" thoughtfully remarked the
discounted clerk, if this isn't all o.
X, you'll have tc hire special poet;
I'm played out"
Atiliction sore
Long time she bore,
Physicians were in vain;
Lockjaw fetched her,
Desth it ketched her,
Gone to rise again.
"Tell you what" enthusiastically
exclaimed the widower, "that's tip.top,
and here's yer two dollars; you've airn't
EN-. A young man that can make up
such affectin' lines as them has got o
glorious future before him."
And squeezing the poets hand, the
elated speaker left in search of q pair
of black kid gloves.