Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-05-25
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.


but positive rendering of the negative
proposition, "The devil take the hind
most. l#rr
THE reporter to whom the city editor
said: You go write up the new liberty
pole, said he'd be hanged if he'2 10 it.
Boston Post.
The farmers favorite author-Field-
ing. Philadelphia San. That of the
barrel maker-Cooper.- Times.
That OF the jeweler-G Goldsmith
BENEATH this quiet, .urfy
And hOwer-scented green
Lies Arabella Murphy,
AS usual-kerosene
. american Queen.
AN Omaha undertaken runs beer
garden, a pistol gallery and race course
in connection with his solemn business,
and he is trying to get the position of
coroner.
IF a man is very sick and needs imme-
date attention, what kind of physician
do they send for? Why, nigh and near
doctor, of course.-B0lt5noor EUery
| Saturday.
A CONNECTICUT man has invented a
pipe that will light itself. This is an un-
derhand attempt that will force house
painters to find some new way to kill
time.--Boston Post.
'THE only lady that ever impressed
me much" said an old bachelor, "was a
300-pound woman, who was standing in
a car, and when the car turned the cor
ner fell against me. PUCK.
"SwEETs to the sweet" said the funny !,
young man, as he handed the waiter
girl faded bouquet. ''Beets to the
beat, returned the girl, as she pushed
him plate Of the vegetables.
FwED-'' Haw-what do you do with
yourself tonight, dear boy?' Algy-
''Nothing, nd-haw-pwecious little of
that. Fact is, these light days it gets so
awfully late so awfully early!''
A FAT woman of Corinth, Miss, drank
ash-bark tea to make her lean, and
she skipped for the better land just two
hours ahead of lean woman who was
eating gum arabic to make her fat.
The New York NeaUs says drinking
beer does not refresh the memory,
whereupon the Keokuk Constitution
man hsps: "That delicate matter is one
of the unpleasant duties of the bar ten
der.-OU city Derrick.
edo bees think?" is the conundrum
gists. The action of bees is so sudden
that it is impossible to believe that they
think. If they considered never
mind. -Nea0. Havees Register. a85 sd
WHO was the poet Laura ate File
dated RaitaOay Journal. Lamb, proba-
bly, SonaerUille Journal. Possibly
Drake; girls are fond of canvas-b backs.
YacOb Strauss. If she is Boston girl
it is probable she devoured good deal
of Hogg.-Detroit Free Press. eaf
TEACHER If your father should give
you ten cents week for ten weeks, how
much money would you have at the end
of that time?" Boy-ssI shouldn't have
nothing. If marin didn't borrow it, I'd
er spent it all for pistol and box O.
caps and quarter O. pound of powder. /"
HE came into the office and said:
"You see, my brothers are shoemakers,
and they mended my shoes. Now, why
am I Like Joseph of biblical history ?"
We gave it up. }o'sWhy, because [ was
soled by my brothers" The inquest on
him will be held to-day.--Puck.-
s TIE smomentous question: Dear lit
tie wife: 'sWell, Charley is on board by
this time, but oh. dear!, look, mamma,
he has left his Life preseryer behind .
Mamma: "By the way, do you know.
dearest, did he pay his insurance yester-
day ?"-London Jasdy. y s-a,-,-,, .,5s 1 IN
A BRIGHT little Igirl of FIVE summers
asked a lady visitor if she knew their
housekeeper was dead. On being an
swered in the affirmative, the child after
a brief pause, said: ssssShe is better off
in heaven. / don't think she will have
any more fits. % 90 asse ''''' Asi''.as ''.H
A SLEEPER is one who sleeps; a sleeper
is also place where a sleeper can sleeps;
and sleeper is, too, a thing over. which
runs the sleeper in which the sleeper
sleeps, so that the sleeper in s,-e sleeper
sleeps while the sleeper runs on, as well
as sometimes leaps off the track
Brooklyn Argus. AL -t...-..--.-
"A DYER in Quincy speaks nine
languages. By the way, while we think
of it, what is the difference between him
and a .paragrapher? Simply this: One
aisa learned dyer, and the other is
burned IL : There, there, boys, keep
cool! Don't shed your coat over lit
tie thing like that. Modern Argo.
A DOMESTIC philosopher points moral
thus: ss'There stands the mince pie;
here sits the man. The former is intact;
the latter smiling and amiab1e. Time
passes. The pie has disappeared, but
the man is still there. But where is the
smile and the appearance of amiability?
Alas! they have Disappeared the
pie" 81 a3ea.b.
CHARLES" she said, as she brushed
the hair back from his forehead as he sat
reading newspaper yesterday morning,
"why is watchdog smaller in the
morning than he is at night? ?" "He
amt" eyes he is. Do you give it
up?" eyes" because he is let out
at night and taken in in the morning."
= Washington Republdcan.
AN English paper contains an account
of ali 6 educated oyster the bivalve
following it's master up and down
stairs" The English Journal appears to
think this is very remarkable feat, but
there ia a man at Cnnev island who has