The Portland daily press., 1881-01-27
An Accident.
Spoopendyke Breaks All to Pieces.
Brooklyn Eagle.l

brooklyn Eagle.l
why. what's the matter, my dear?" cried
Mrs. Spoopendyke, as Mr.. Spoopendyke
limped into the room and dropped into chair
"What on earth has happened you?''
'I fell down and killed myself" moaned
Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"How, where?" asked Mrs. Spoopendyke
bustling around him, all nervousness. "How
did you do it?''
"Slipped on the ice and broke my arm from
head to foot" sighed Mr.. SpoopendySe, faint
| ly.
I Great gracious!" CALCULATED Mrs Spoopen-
! dyke, whereabouts? Where did it happen?"
| "Out doors, dod CAST it! Where dye s'pose
did it? Think brought the ice in the house
and then laid down on it? Oh, dear! I'll nev-
! er get my clothes off again. I've got to sit
here and de- and Mr. Spoopendyke leaned
| back in his chair and closed his eyes with res
! ignation.
"I'll help you off with your hat and over
coat" said Mrs Spoopendyke tenderly, 'Let
me help YOU
''Be very careful about taking off my hat"
said Mr.. Spoopendy ke "Take 1t off easy, or
you'll hurt my elbow. Phil the left arm Of my
overcoat down so it will slip off-what ye do
ing? Trying to skin me? That sleeves full
of broken bones, tell ye. Now help me into
chair. knew | must go home some time,
but never expected to die so suddenly a.
this" and Mr.. Spoopendyke lifted his sprained
arm and dropped it again to see if there was
any animation left in his system.
Cant do something for you, dear?" asked
Mrs, Spoopendyke tearfully.
''If you could sing hymn without starting
up the cats, it might make my last minutes
more peaceful" replied Mr.. Spoopendyke,
putting his feet on chair and preparing for
dissolution.
you'd better let me attend to your arm"
recommended Mrs. Spoopendyke. "If it is
badly sprained you ought to have something
on it,
Didn't tell ye it was broken? Just got
curiosity to see it, haven't ye? Can't wait for
the post morten, can ye? Go ahead. Dowhat
you please. In a little while I'll be beyond
pain. Just take it and do what you like with,
it, and Mr.. Spoopendyde stuck the manned
arm out straight and waved it around like
ham.
"If you'll let me rotate il little, and then
bind 1t up with arnica, you'll be all right in
an hour" cooed Ms. Spoopendyke, affection
ately.
Rotate it. them" murmured Mr.. Spoopen-
dyk'. II don't suppose it will make much
difference to my estate. Take it down in the
kitchen and rotate it. You might-hold on,
dod gast it! What dye think 1 am, pump?
Got an idea I'm clock? Let go that arm, will
ye?" and MIR. Spoopendyke pranced around the
you want is a bucksaw and broken balustrade
to be a medical college. Going to pull it out
by the roots? S'pose it's tooth? 1t isn't
it's an arm, and it's busted like torpedoi'
and Mr. Spoopendyke, who had been brandish-
ing the injured member, began to stroke his
shoulder and sympathize with himself.
"Let me bathe it in arnica,' said Mrs.
Spoopendyke. That's the best thing in the
world. just let me turn up your shirt sleeve
and I'll fix it in minute"
Every good" said Mr.. Spoopendyke "I
don't suppose it will do any harm to hurry
matters. Is my dress suit all brushed? Have
| got skirt with button on the back to be
buried in? Have L got pair of socks that my
immortal soul won't shine through the toes of?
Cause if 1 haven't, ye'd better use some of
your measly arnica on my clothes. If you
think I'm going to the tomb all covered with
grease and my shirt Tapping around on me
ALL" and Mr.. Spoopendyke eyed his wife
gloomily, while she prepared to lave his
Sprained shoulder.
"Will you put me in the casket?' he moaned
as she began operations.
eyes, DEAR" said Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Mr.. Spoopendyke regarded her with one eye,
and grunted feebly.
"And you'll put on silver plate with my
name and age, and get ia few flowers? You
won't want a great many. shan't miss 'em II
there amt more than six. Will you attend to
it?"
eyes," answered Mrs. Spoopendyke, "In
see that you have lots of flowers and big fun
81 don't want any funeral; s'pose I'm being
cut off in the midst OF my usefulness just be-
cause funerals are cheap? Have you got a
clean handkerchief to put in my pocket when
I'm dead?'
DYKE and having thoroughly bathed the arm,
she bandaged it carefully. Don't you feel
better?"
perhaps if it were amputated in time 1
might get well" rejoined Mr.. Spoopendyke,
hitching his arm around to see il he could
find pain anywhere. "What kind of era
vat have got to wear in case of-in the event
of-the worst?'' And Mr.. Spoopendyke ap-
preached the climax of his question as becomes
a man who shrinks from the inevitable.
"The one you've got on will do, won't it?''
inquired Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"No, it won't, either. Is that all I've got?
Expect I'm going to be buried among strang-
ers in dod-gasted necktie that won't hold to-
gether four days longer? Calculate that I'm
going to the promised land as though l was
hunting for job? Want me to prowl around
among the other late lamented as though I'd
busted up in business? Think Pm a measly
tramp" and Mr.. Spoopendyke tore off the
tie and stamped on it, and then dove into bed
Cant you bring up my breakfast" de-
manded Mr.. Spoopendyke the next morning.
my arms so lame can't go down stairs"
Mrs. Spoopendyke brought it to him, and an
hour later, when dressing, he asked for his
necktie.
II wish you would look for it," said he quer-
ulously "You know can hardly move"
Here it is, DEAR" said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
handing it to him. "You tore it off last night
with your sprained arm," and she left for
downstairs without waiting to hear his remark
about "measly wives who only need long
hos ord q to ho a