Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-09-07


When the apples were passed she pouted a pout
Picked one softly up by the stem,
And said as she pointed another dish out:
Il think those are safter than them"
Free Press.
Funny items should never be con
signed to the graye.-Frec Press.
The Philadelphia sun thinks tn,
dress-maker is a pattern woman.
1t takes one Of these street doctor
to reduce the swelling Of the BOYS
pocket books.
The Romeo cheese factory has cease
operations. 1t had poor whey of do
ing business.-Ex.
A lawyer should never burn coal
He gets along better with Coke than
Blackstone Free Press.
Internationally scenc,7 said the
small boy when the farmers boy chas,
ed him out of the patch.--Ex.
The Philadelphia News says jewel
cases are now made in imitation of
Bibles, 50 that no one will open them.
Smith" said Brown, there's a for
tune in that mine Il know" said
Smith, "Tve put my fortune in it.
Free Press.
True, woman has her faults, such Us
false hair, false teeth, false ribs-cor-
set5-but whittier arc we drifting?-
Modern Argo.
y homely young girl has the con-
ISOLATION Of knowing that, if she lives
to be 40, she will be Il pretty old girl.
Free Press.
some men say they like to be lied
about. We presume this means Wash
ington editors, Of whom no good can
truthfully be said.-Free Press.
"When the dressmaker sends out
her bills look out for dress pay raid.
We earnestly trust she may let us
stand at pay raid rest.--Free Press.
1t is said that spurious virus for vac
cinnation is sold in Philadelphia. A
man who would do that should be pitted
-dceply.-Lowell Courier.
New York papers disclose that mus
sells are destroying the oysters. The
muscles most destructive to oysters,
however, are attached to the New York !
jaw.-Ex.
There is only a slight difference be-
tween Il hand organ and an accordion.
One is worked with crank, and the
other generally by u Crank. ."-Yon-
kers Statesman.
If red is adopted ae the fashionable
color in cities, like New Orleans, where
cattle are allowed to roam the streets,
gored dresses will come into general
Use. .--Picayune.
"lf you grasp a rattlesnake firmly
about the neck, he cannot hurt you,"
says Western paper. Keeping n
block ahead of the snake is also good
scbemc.-Frec Press.
\ Bucks county farmer found sill
YER quarter in the horses foot and he
IS seriously thinking of sinking shaft
m the animals leg, and starting Il mine.
Philadelphia Chronicle.
That our politicians are interested
N stocks is very appropriate. In an
,ient days that's just where their con-
iuct would have brought them.-Phil-
ldelphia Chronicle-Herald
An Indian idol was recently plowcd
up i'll Woodbury., and they don't know
whether it is god or devil. If it
has handle on and holds about two
gallons, it is Woodbury. god.--Ca-
laan News.
An intelligent jury. The verdict of
he coroncr's inquest on the death of Il ;
,hild was; The child was suflocaied, I
)ut there is no evidence to show that
he suAocation was before or after
lcath. -EX.
The degree Of ID. D. has been con- ,
erred ON the general baggage agent of ,
he Central Pacific. This degree is
very day conferred on baggage agents I
,ut two small d's are considered sufi- !
'ient to express the idea.-Railway i
Age.
The army of Venezuela has ust |
Deen driven in and counted, and the
counters made out $4,000 soldiers, 49,