Smyrna times., 1881-10-19
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.


succeed where other have failed
Degrees of speculation-positive corn:
comparative, corner: supcrlativc, corn .
cred
The Boston Giobe has discovered that
the child never sees the necessity of strict
obedience until it becomes apparent.
Butter is not only very high in price but
much of it is of such light weight that it
takes all its strength to hold itself down
to the counter
David Davis is peculiar fish.-Harris-
burg Telegraph, Not at all surprised to
hear that he is a fish. People are always
lying about his weight.
Longtellow, though we'll on in Years. is
not yet white-haired, but on the contrary
looks quite young and fresh. His bust
ness is to write poetry, not edit it.
The Boston Post defines bric-a-brac as
anything i'll the crockery line that is abso-
lutely useless. 1t must be set Oh the
mantel where it will be in the way.
The English language has one great
advantage over all others You can spell
and pronounce it any way you please and
always find good authorities to back YOU.
Where Is the man who isn't hard up
himself when you ask him to lend YOU
dollar?-UU and HIsdom. Very sorry
for you, but we cannot give you the desir-
ed information.
The Boston star knows of a servant
girl who has remained in a family for
thirty-one Years. This shows the advant-
age of never asking girl to cook any
thing but beans.
Twenty-four brandy distilleries have
gone into operation in Los Angeles county,
California. Los Angeles means ''place of
angels, but if any are still left there an
exodus may soon he expected.
We hope something will be done 10
check the romantic notion Of marrying
men to reform them. 1t will be impossi-
bic to accommodate any more such couples
at the almshouse. as that institution is now
full.
A Chicago photographer takes the most
smiling looking male countenances to be
found anywhere. The sitter is told to
gaze at bottle of whisky during the
operation. and promised drink after it is
over.
The horse dstemper, called pinkeye, is
disabling horses very rapidly in the West
1t is supposed that on account of the
scarcity of water the Western people have
been treating their hoses to their own
beverages.
The fact that girl is seen brushing the
dust from the family bible, may indicate
that religious revival is in progress, or
that an autumn leaf excursion has been
projected, it is difficult at this season to
decide which.
f The question Which is of tho great
: est benefit to humanity, lead or gold?"
. was decided in favor of lead by a Dead
: wood debating society. They concluded
: that nobody could ever have afforded to
} load his revolver with gold.
I No man was ever elected president who
was born in a city. And vet despite this
t fact boys continue TO he born in cities.
. They evidently don't aspire to the presi-
dency. They prefer to become members
, of baseball clubs or some 'hall."
Some newspapers feel called upon to be
very indignant at the Malleys, because
: they are guilty of trying to prove them
e selves innocent of murder.-BoStOn Post
Guilty of trying to prove themselves in
$ nocent" expresses the case exactly.
The Wisconsin Methodist Conference
has requested the bishop not to give
= charges to clergymen who use tobacco
ii This is step in the right direction, fol
g was it not written by the prophets, "TO
:, bacco is an Indian weed and from the
$ devel doth proceed"
= Some parts of this State are 50 malariOui
It that the inhabitants must choose between
/; copious doses of quinine and whisky o.
IS death yet they seem to have no desire Il
II move away even when better opportuni
is ties are offered. The love of home is eve
g strong in the human breast
n The widow of Mr.. Singer of sewing
10 machine fame, who some time ago mar
Is ried certain Viscount d'Estenburgh O
s. unknown nationality, has been promotes
rs to the rank of duchess at the triflinI
expense of $4,000 franc. pukedOms seen
to be the only commodity not affected b,
i the late drought. They are still yer,
" cheap.
OF RHEUMATIC DIsEAsEs.-These ailment
I'd follow from torpid liver and costive bow
IS els :; the skin, bowels and kidneys failin
d. in their proper work, an acrid poison
in formed in the blood, which is the occasio
/ of these acute diseases. Kidney-Woi
ed produces healthy action of all secretiv
II. organs, and throws off the rheumati