The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-11-09
FLOATING FANOIEs.

A preachers face is kept sober by the
force of gravity.
The saddle horse knows enough Of arith-
metic to carry one.
'lndeed. sir, I would box your ears
(pausing, redectively) Shut where could l
find e box large enough"
:'The farmer that ssrun rapidly through his
property" wore q red shirt and had his brin-
die bull behind him.
Milwaukee clergyman asks: SIS it proper
pronunciation to sound.sthe + in the word
dorg?"
Patrick on the Zebra; "Phat kline of q
haste is that-the mule with his ribs on the
outside of his skin entirely"
Miss Grosgrain says that she will wear
ehort dresses when she travels West if this
train robbing isn't stopped.
"Know myself is good advice. And to
find out all about yourself in the shortest
time, get nominated for an Office.
seWhy don't you have some stile about
you ~ said the man who had looked along 8
MAlG III UdlUCu 1CuCC ~ III CAGA u
The author who was in a brown study
complained that everything was OF q dun
color, even to the letters from his landlord.
Who says there is nothing in a name?
Here's Oihley and Lardner, who, in the fit
ness Of things, are engaged in the manufac-
ture Of oleomargarine.
a boy in one Of our public schools, hav-
ing been told that Q reptile is an animal that
creeps, on being asked the name Of one,
promptly replied "a baby"
The Chinese method Of taking an oath does
not consist Of kissing a Bible. They break a
saucer when they swear. It's something
that way with : servant girl.
The temperance petition 600 feet 10 length
presented to the Georgia Legislature was s
rather insignificant affair when compared
with the saloon ~s'slates' Of the members.
a Rochester photographer has got matters
down line. For q point for the subject TO
look at while the picture is being taken, in
stead of the usual faded envelope Or old pho
tograph on the wall, he has the ominous
words, ''Terms cash."
An American tourist was visiting Naples
and saw Vesuvius during an eruption. Have
you anything like this in the New World?'
was the question Of an Italian spectator.
"No," replied 10 haitian, SHUT / guess that.
we have a mill-dam that will put il ont ia
five minutes"
- a " 8 rEx7nr vi nAsfar. he r1inr q r1n4n 70 a
gentleman, spilled some Of the gravy upon
his clothes, and Immediately cried out:
ssTake care, sir!.' 'sWhy, you rascal, ex-
claimed the gentleman. who thought he had
suffered enough from the fellows negligence,
s'are you going to do it again? 2"
Since the seven or eight telegraph compa-
MES and the two or three telephone compa-
MES have accomplished their labor of thrust
ing the firm earth full Of poles, the astrono-
mers Of other planets are q little puzzled to
know whether the globe on which we live is
q live porcupine or a globular tooth-pick
holder.
Practice makes perfect.-It was at a rail
way station. The trains were being made up
Puff went the locomotives, Whirr went the
wheels, and the Whistling was terrific. There
was backing and forwarding and all manner
of shouting On q labyrinth of rails. s'What
the deuce are they doing ?" Practicing for
an accident 2"
Children are SO practicle! Little Edith's
father was reading to her the parable OF the
hProdigal Son, which she listened to witt
eager attention. When he came to the sen
tence, land he fell on his neck and kissed
him." she exclaimed. sob, papa! how
could he have kissed him, when he had jus
been eating with the hogs?'
When old Mrs. Bunsby had got through
reading in the paper an account of the Lac
great fire, she raised her spectacles from he
eyes to the top of her head, and remarked
ssIf the fremen would wear the genuin
home-knit stockings, such as we make an
wear in the country, they wouldn't be a-bus
tin of their hose at every fire.
A gentleman with his wife and q lad
friend are at q social gathering, discussin
the appearance of the several quests: Wit
who's that funny little man with sand
hair and long ears e. Lady friend-"That
MIR. H.; he's a probationary" Wife (turn
ing to her husband)-ssWhy, Alfred, VIII,
havn't you introduced me? He must be MI
brosher-inlaW."