South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-10-14

w I T A N d 81 u III o r.

nature seemed to rejoice like a bride on
her wedding day. The maiden gather
ed violets, arbutus and cowslips, q
while he gathered what he supposed to
be white kitten that had taken refuge
IN the hollow stump OF q long departed
tree. Miserable fate Strange catas.
trophe Unhappy man! referring to
the incident afterwards in letter to a
friend, the maiden wrote: IF George
were boiled for thousand years in the
hot springs of Iceland don't believe
he'd ever smell sweet again.
Sir James Hogg made fortune in
India, and his wife. holding disting-
uished place in London fashionable cir
cles, gave splendid parties. 1t is said
that young blood, meeting one of the
MISSES Hogg at ball, and not know
ing her name, asked her if she was GO
ing to certain party at the "Piggery.'
Her naive reply was: ooh, am one of
the litter Evening Post.
A couple Of lawyers engaged in q
case were recently discussing the issue.
AT all events said the younger and
more enthusiastic, we have justice on
our side To which the older repli.
ed, Quite true, but what We want is
the chief Justice on our side.'
A Paris, Tennessee, correspondent
vouches, nevertheless, for the following
specimen of Sam Gurney's effective
ready-wit when defending client for
hos-stealing. against whom, also. the
evidence appeared overwhelming and
complete. The attorney general said,
shortly: Gentlemen OF the jury, you
hear the evidence; your only duty is to
fix the punishment Quincy arose
quickly, and turning to the jury, said
impressively, but in that jocular, lisping
way OF his, almost impossible to repro.
duce on paper: But gentlemen, mind (;
there it'll just one point in this case YOU
must not fail to observe: If there ith
any hog thief among you, he will be the
firtht to thay my client it'll guilty.
None could be found willing to say
guilty and verdict of acquittal re-
suited.
How He WAS LAID.-It was in O.
smoking car on the Hudson River road.
A New Yorker was exhibiting an inven.
ton to several gentlemen, when an old
farmer, with settled look Of sadness
on his face. heaved a Sigh and said:
Il never see any such thing without
wanting to weep
Nothing about this invention to weep
over. that can see,' replied the inven.
tor.
Wall, it sort o calls up old recollec.
tons. Twenty years ago this month l
thought | had fortune in my grasp.
Yes. sir, l believed 1 had struck the
bigges. thing since steam was brought
into use.'
What was it p
Ono day when the old woman was
Hat down with her lame leg had to
cook my own dinner. After I'd got the
pancake batter all fixed up I couldn't
una The creased rag the old woman us.
ed TO rub over the spider. Sort o alb
sent-mlnded like I picked up piece of
raw turnip from the table and used il
instead. 1t worked to charm: no
smell, no smoke, no stick.
lie paused here to wipe away a tear,
and then continued:
There was the fortune. 1 figured
that nine million creased rags we're used
IN the country five months in tho year. |
FIFTY thousand barrels of grease were
used up greasing spiders. Over a hun
dred thousand dollars wasted and gone.
One turnip would make six greasers
ono thousand bushels would make @.
nough to supply the country. All that
was needed was to cut them up into
fancy style, afiix handle, and 90 to
supply the demand at ten cents each
There was money in it,
NO there wasn't. l bought hun.
dred Bushels of turnips. $50 worth of
wire, and hired two men to 90 TO work.
and then took a greaser and went oy.
or into Vermont to see how il would
take. They would not have it, They
had something moro simple and much
cheaper
What could IL have been p
They spit on tbe spiderl' replied the
Old man, as tear made a break down !
bis nose and was swallowed up in the
dust on the floor.