Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-03-30
FUNNYGRAPHS.

| WHERE is the best place to razor
strop?
SHOULD brokers' wives wear brocade
silk?
You can always get plane board at the
carpenters.
Do fishermen castanet for Spanish
mackerel?
THERE is a great deal of rash talk
about the measles now.
THE postage stamp is always getting
the upper corner on letters.
HE saw mills will soon be engaged in
turning out summer board
Held the forte for am coming" said
the piano player as he stepped upon the
stage.
Another ball club projected, F." said
the striker as he slung the bat into the
catcher's eye.
MISS OYSTER is belle in Washington
society. They say she looks good
enough to eat.
The grocer who wants to do the thing
up brown uses brown paper for wrap
ping up sugar.
HE man who was "made mason"
says now that he wishes he had been
made plumber.
The postage stamp will never become
familiar with the alphabet. 1t is always
getting stuck on letter.
A GREAT many banks have gone down
In the East river at New York, within
seven years. $4,000 dogs have been
drowned there.
GA BABE" says a writer, "is a moth
ers anchor" You are just shouting.
She finds she is anchored to the house
for about three years.
The Graphic's farm editor says:
"Soak cats well in bag tied at the
mouth and plant them deep to prevent
their scratching up the seeds"
THERE has been some talk of abolish
ing the tartan in the English army, but
the tartan will continue to be worn by
the bronzed sea dogs of the navy.
CANES are now made which hold pint
Of whisky. All man has to do is to
raise cane and imbibe.-Detro1 Free
Press. All yes; long drink, eh p
Cambridge (Mdss) Tribune.
Q. WHY is love always represented as
a child? A. Because it never reaches
the age of experience. @. Still, old
men have been Known A. Yes, but
they were in their second childhood.
ONE Indiana editor says the lion bowls,
but another says it roars. AS they both
had dead-head tickets to the menagerie,
one of them must have been directed to
the wrong cage.
QUEER country this. The best girls
of society are running about with their
heads all banged up, and people treat
ing them as though nothing had hap
pened.
"DoN'T I make pretty picture % ex-
claimed Jones, rather ruefully, as he
stepped upon the river bank after his
baptism through the ice. GA picture %
replied his friend, 81 should call you a
silly wet
SCANDAL has been created in Bayswa-
ter, London, by some unknown wag who
filed the offertory bag with large HIS
cut ont of cardboard, the clergyman be-
ing famous for dropping that ill-used
q letter.
WANTED his moneys worth: a
stranger from BRENNAN, who is helping
Galveston out in the Mardi Gras bust
ness, took his watch to a matchmaker to
have it repaired. After a few minutes
work on it the matchmaker handed it
back with the remark that the damages
were S.. "What was the matter with
it ?" asked the stranger 'sThere was
hair in it. % ''Was that all? You ought
to have found hair mattress in it for
SIS. "-GalUestOn NeUs.
INAURUeATIoN incident: She is an
old-time servant from Mississippi, and
lives here in the family Of man who is
called colonel because lie once command
ed regiment of soldiers. On Inaugural
ton eve, while the snow was falling. she
was astonished by flash of lightning
and the roll of thunder. Setting down
the coal scuttle, reverently removing her
tu1ban and lifting her forefnger, she
said, "Dat's de Lawd! Colonel, OATS de
Lawd! An he say, 'Gen1 Garfield, got
my eye on your Washington Star
Two loving beings that had plighted
their troth some years ago and were
about to be married are separated forev-
er. They were sitting together one even
ing, going on about as usual, when sh
observed to him rather petulantly
"Charley, you don't understand any
thing about hugging; you haven't got
the knaok of it. Indeed, he replied
III dlsheartened tone; that's very
strange, for I have been practicing ON
two or three other girls for several
months. Brooklyn Eagle,
1T was in the smoking room of an At
lantic steamer that worthy Teuton was
recently talking about weather forecasts
"Look here, said he, sc dell you vat
it is. You better don't dake no shtock in
dem weather predictions. Dose people
don't know noding. They can't dell no
better as l cam" "But, my dear SIR
said person present, s. they foretold
the storm which we have just encoun-
tered" "Vell, dat ish TO-" said the
Teuton, eontemplatively; shut I deli
you vat it is. Dat shtorm would have
come yust the same if it had not been
predicted"
| Good Housewife.
| Tho GOOD housewife xxbor, obo r.,x,;,,<x L..