Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1881-06-24
IN A NUTSHELL.

In A NUTSHELL.
Electric bellies Female telegraph OF
orators.
The average woman Is composed @
243 bones, 169 muscles, % old newspa
pers, and 210 hair-pins.
1t is not on his own account that L
Due grieyes. He is anxious to know
what this country will do for tea.
1t is peculiar how sound man sleep
when his wife crawls over him on he
way to the kitchen to make fire.
The man who stole a glance has no
yet been arrested, although his atten
ton was arrested when he stole tn,
glance.
There is five-legged mule in Mis-
souri. This seems to be adding insul
to injury, as well as a leg to the mule
Free Press.
A member of the Colorado legisla
ture in addressing that august body be
gan "My ellow-statesmen." His bill
passed unanimously.
When you buy peanuts, that's {
quart. When you pay for them, that.
quarter. And when you naye dis
posed of them, that's quartette.
HAYTI was visited with an earth.
quake on the 18th ult. Torrents of rair
fell at the time, several landslips oc.
Cured, and many cattle were killed.
We don't just see why a woman
should like her mirror better than a
man, for the man will flatter her and
the mirror won't.
pray, friend, are you the master Of
this house?" Eyes, sir" said the land
lord, my wife has been dead these
three weeks"
Lightning is killing a number of men
IN Ohio this spring, but it is hoped
enough may be spared to keep the
wheels of this government revolving.
Mysteries of trade: "Wild cat life in
surance companies2" queried old Mrs,
Dobbs; what on earth do they want to
insure wild cats lives for?"-Bostoq,
Globe. -
After the choir of one of the churches
in Ithaca, N. Y, had performed a
rather heavy selection, the minister
opened the Bible and began reading in
Acts Xxx: "And after the uproar had
ceased"
A conscientious grocer displayed the
sign: "a large variety of :? Z? /? con-
stantly on hand" Inquiry revealed the
article to be "fresh home
mAdeo mincemeat
Mr.. Erastus Wimen, of New York,
will present Toronto, Canada, with two
baths, which are to be built upon piers
and expected to cost between $4,000
and $4,000.
When little Minnie was two years
old she asked for some water one night.
When it was brought she said, "Papa,
can't you get me some fresh water
This tastes little withered."
Everything / touch, Drops" said
Mrs. farley, as her fork fell on the
floor. Mr.. farley replied: 'I wish
you would touch the price of beef" as
he reached for piece of steak that
cost 20 cents a pound.
Oh, the tiny little ants,
How they Chamber up our pants
Al the picnic meath the willows in the glen,
How they seem to take delight in
The obnoxious sport of bitin
IndefeIsible and modest gentlemen
Twenty-six distinct companies have
been started since December, 1879, to
work the gold mines in South India,
with subscribed capitol of SIS, 900, 900,
half of which has been paid for by the
Don't be in such an awful hurry"
said old Uncle Tobias to his nephews
and nieces. "You lose great deal by
being in such an awful hurry. Light
MIN might do great deal more if it
wasn't always in.such an awful hurry"
Unconscious profanity sometimes
comes to the most exemplary Christ
ians. A real good brother said yester-
day, Il must get me copy of the new
Bible. hear the revisers have knock
ed - out of it."-New Orleans Plea
yu7ae.
This confounded slang does raise the
very mischief. When a handsome
young wife went to a hardware store
10 get one of those wooden contrivances
70 smash potatoes, and said, II want a
every man in the shop, from
The boss to the Office boy, started to at
Tend her.-Bostoa Post.
The Methodist Bishop Simpson once
said: Nobody but saved men should
be sent by newspapers to report camp
meetings" A st. Louis paper adds:
IF this were a rule with the daily pa
pers of this city, they would each have
to add a new name to their present
staff.
When the contribution box was pass
ed in well-known church recently, a
young man presented his mite, but did
not discover until too late that he had
given two ten cent pieces stuck together
Then he looked up and smiled, and
the deacon smiled. They both know
how it is. Beer is sometimes adhe-
sive as well as conducive Oswego
Palladium.
The London World says that the En-
press Eugene has definitely decided up
on the final resting-plaee of her late
husband and son. She intends to build
a tlC cSbdtc WHICH Sic 1lt5
bought, some fourteen miles from Chi
selhurst; and thither the two tombs are
TO be transferred.
One day when Mr.. Harness was stay
ing at famaus country house he
found a gentleman pacing up and down
the parlor in the most distressing frame
of mind. 'Is there anything the mat
ter?" inquired Mr.. Harness, anxionsly.
''The matter" he replied, 81 should
think there wasl Three of the worst
things that can happen to a man. Pm
in love, Pm in debt, and I've doubts
about the doctrine of the Trinity"
A San Francisco paper, evidently
speaking in a sarcastic vein. says a
is on foot in that city to or
ganize society to be called the "Inde-
pendent order of Acquitted Murder
ers." Judging by recent events in the
of the Pacific Coast, the
would be too large to be
select, and would be moreover, very iu-
duential.
A San Francisco lady wanted her
little girl to bathe in a room the win
iows of which opened into the yard, In