The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-08-09
HUMOR.

DroWnJonn very dpPrOpriately Calls
his yacht his floating debt. II isn't
paid for.
There is true saying that the bung-
hole of an unthrifty mans barrel Is
where the spgot ought to be.
Heaven must be n poor place for the
clergy People are not married or
given in marriage there.
A correspondent asks: as there
much difference between steer meet
and a bycicle mcet2' Yes, as much as
there is between veal and wheel.
There is one advantage in buying
tripe--if you don't eat it, it serves adj
mirably for half-soling boots.
The San Antonio people complain of
little fishes in the water-mains. They
can't expect the Water Works company
to furnish them with whales 120 feet
long for dollar a month,
Had drunk is not good English
grammar. says high authority. 1t
certainly is not WAS drunk" Is bet
ter grammar, and more in accordance
with the facts niue times out of ten.
Afflicted man: mo. it's no disgrace
to be named Smith" We'd rather be
named Smith and own over $1,000 00,-
600. than be called st. Clarence De
We're and have to be bashful of the dog
tax collector.
In speaking Of newly-wedded pair.
a gentleman said of the husband: "The
trouble with John is, he has no mind Of
his own "Oh, that will make no diff
ference; Sarah will always be ready to
give him piece of hers!' responded
the lady.
The noble red mer who sell Indian
curiosities at Niagara Falls may be seen
every day perusing the news from Ire
land in the daily papers. Although far
from home.. they feel deep interest in
their distracted and coerced country.
She was sitting in street car looking
as sweet as a peach in her fresh muslin
dress and bewitching broad-hrimmed
hat. He, the clumsy brute, trod heay-
lily on the dainty foot in passing
awkward followr' sprang involunta-
rily TO the rosy lips. Excuse me, miss"
apologized the fellow" valiantly.
''but, really. your foot should be large
enough to be seen" Sequeldimples,
bushes, and full forgiveness.
Base ball is old as the world, as is
proven by the very first line in Genesis
lin the big inning" etc.
The last attempt tor aise money that
we hear of is by fellow who tried to
pawn ''the silent watches of the night.
A blank day. Old gent (greetins
friend): 'Hullo, Jorkins, been tishingP
What did you catchp" Jorkins, (gloom.
Ivy: "Ha' past 6 train home"
With three exclamation points George
| II. Hepworth has given the title to his
new book, which il !" The most
pointed criticism sen OF the work is
Pe?" leaving the question OF its
merits open.
The Bostonians are undecided wheth-
Ell to construct their exhibition build
ings in tho form of loaf of brown
bread or heapng plate of baked
beans. the votes of the most aesthetic
rather factoring the latter design.
Sam, yor are not honest. Why do
you put all the good peaches on top of
the measure and the little ones belowp"
Same reason, sab, dat makes de front
oh your house all marble and do back
gate chiefly slop bar'l, sah."
What is mythology" asked John
Fiske in the Atlantic. We give it up.
What is your thologyp
1t is curious TO note how closely bus
mess and sentiment are connected in
some mems estimation. Last week a
PROFESSIONAL was heard TO remark:
III never knew anything more full OF
pathos and real touching feeling than
my old mothers deathbed scene. If
could get that in good drama. III bet
you it would catch on and run like the
devil."
A stranger entered large manufac-
turing establishment q short time since
to view some heavy machinery, and in
an evil moment became entangled in
some of the gearing and was drawn in
and instantly killed As there was
nothing on or about his body whereby
to identify him. the bystanders came
10 the conclusion that he was travelling
in cog.
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