Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-09-30
F. u N
Spoopen0yke.


He APPEARS IN THE ROLE OF SPORTS MAN.
'Say my DEAR said Mr.. Spoopendyke,
as he drew gun from the case and eyed it
critically, II want you to wake me up early
in the morning. I'm going shooting
s.Isn't that too sweet !" calculated Mrs.
Spoopendyke. 'I'll wear my new dress
and my Saratoga waves; Where do we
go 20
'I'm going down On the island, and
you'll 60 as far as the front door, y grunted
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Women don't go
shooting. It's only men. ALI you've got
to do is to wake me up and get breakfast.
When [ come home we'll have some
birds. .
.sWon't that be nice - chimed Mrs.
Spoopendyke. 'sCan you catch birds with
that thing ?'' and Mrs. Spoopenkyke
fluttered around the improved breech-load-
ing shot gun. firmly impressed with the
that it was some kind of trap.
81 can kill 'em with this explained
Mr.. Spoopendyke. ''This is a gun, my
dear it isn't a nest with three speckled
the roof. You stick the cartridge in here
and pull this fnger-piece, and down comes
your bird every time.''
s.Isn't that the greatest thing suppose
if you don't want partridge You can stick
duck or a turkey in that end, too, or IA
fish or a lobster, and bring it down just as
quick.
ssYes, or you can stick a house or corii
field, or dod gasted female idiot in there,
too, if you want to p sEorted Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. ''Who said anything about
partridge? It's cartridge that goes i'll
there
.sOh!'' CALCULATED Mrs. Spoopendyke,
rather crestfallen. 81 see now. Where
does the bird 60 ?"
SIT goes to night school, if he hasn't got
any more sense than you have,' snorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke. 'Look here, now, and
I'll show you how it works. and Mr..
Spoopendyke, whose ideas of gun were
about as vague as those of his wife, inserted
the cartridge half way in the muzzle end,
and cautiously cooked the weapon.
s'And when the bird sees that he comes
and pecks at it !! Isn't that the funniest ,
and Mrs. Spoopendyke clapped her hands
in the enjoyment of her discovery. Then
you put out your hand and catch him -
you've struck it p howled Mr. Spoo-
pendyke, who had the hammer on the half
cock and was vainly pulling aG the trigger
to get it down. s'That's the idea ! ALI
you need is four feathers and a gas bill to
be martingale With your notions you
only want a new stock and steam trip
hammer to be needle gun Don't You
know the dod gasted thing has got to go
off before you get bird You shoot the
birds; you don't wait for 'em to shoot
you -
':At home we used always to chop thei.
heads off with an axe,'' faltered Mrs
Spoopendyke.
$50 would if was going after measly
old hens" retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke, VIII:
had managed to uncock the contrivance
''but when 60 for yellow birds and spar
rows l 60 like sportsman. While Pm
waiting for bird,'' continued Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke, adjusting the cartridge at the
breech, Il put the load in here for SAT- ty.
and when [ see a flock I aim and fire.
Bang went he gun, knocking the tai
feathers out of an eight day clock and
blowing a foot furrow in the wall, peri"
rating the closest door and eliminating III
Mr.. Spoopendyke's plug hat.
Goodness, gracious - squeaked Mrs.
Spoopendyke. ''Oh, my!"
A l.
and contemplated the damage.
''Why couldn' tye keep still !" he Shrek
ed. "What'd ye want to disturb my aim
for and make me let it off? Think l eau
hold back charge Of powder and pound
of shot while a measly woman is soaring it
through gun barrel ?''
IF that had been bird how nicely you
would have shot it - suggested Mrs.
spoopendyke, soothingly. eff you should
ever aim at bird you'd catch him sure -
ooh! you know what could do! With
your information about gunnery you only
need wad in your mouth and kick like
mule to be a mountain howizer! If l
had your intelligence on sporting sub jects
I'd hire out for shot tower. Dou't you
know you've spoiled the dod gasted gum"
And Mr.. Spoopendyke, anxious for some
excuse to take it back to his friend Spec
klewottle, who loaned it to him, held it
out and eyed his wife sternly. you've
ruined that gun, " he continued, solemnly.
ssIt won't ever go off again."
ssNever mind, dear,'' consoled Mrs
Spoopendyke. ''It's been off enough, and
I'd just as lief have some clans as BIRDS
You go to bed, and We'll try to do without
any birds.
1t won't ever go off again. repeated
Mr.. Spoopendyke as he climbed into his
couch. THAT is ruined gum and he
turned his face to the wall.
Mrs. Spoopendy1e slowly disrobed. hav-
ing first turned stream of water into the
gun from the faucet, and betook her to
rest. 1T may not 60 off again." she
thought; shut if it does the neighbors will
think the water main has bursu,'' with
which reflection she began to pat the ear
If Mr.. Spoopendyke, who turned over like.
an earthquake, and wanted to know if she
thought she hadn It done enough mischief
without tanning him like a dod gasted
Brooklyn Eagle.
bachelor on reading that s'two lovers
will sit up all night with but one chair in
the room" said it could not be done unless
one of them sat on the floor. Such igno-
rance is painful.
The papers tell Of courtship and mar
rage brought about by note written on
an egg-shell. It is the most eggstraordi-
nary affair. The two hearts are now
yOlked together.
Another fact-The man who knows you