The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-12-03
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES,


Morris has butcher who knows how to kill a
pig.
The King Of Ashantee lately butchered 200
girls. But perhaps you wouldn't blame him II
you had seen them.
Connecticut newspaper announces that 1.-THE
barn and contents OF Mr.. Giles Potter OF Essex
was burned Thursday night"
The work OF the hardy miner is all In vein. -
Detroit Free Press. And he is happy when us
ore.-Chicdgo Ne'rs.
We always enjoy Greenback meetings, when
the meeting happens to occur between green
back and oursef oil city Derr'cs'
Think their feathers pretty: satirical slave
saws that tenors usually put on more airs thah
they sing Boston Courier.
A little heat that can be beat, the window open
wide: little breeze, little sneeze, and you're
the DOCTORS pride.
A devil fish was caught on the Newfoundland
banks last week with arms 80 feet long. They
have taken him to Boston to make bank cash
Ter OF him.
There are no IN ore sewing societies in Ottawa
Their place has been usurped by our ponderous
daily press as disseminators of-news.
The man who stood in front OF his glass for
two hours getting the right color on his mus
tache said he WAS "dyeing to see his girl. fo"6,
erS Gazette.
Consolation "My Love is Gone" is the title OF
the latest song written by young man in Bos-
ton. or course this is rough, but "the absent
girl eats no oysters"
1t is announced that twenty-five white women
.;oJ In Rnatop In r.
They wanted something unique in husbands, and
Cinnamon are scarce in that city
A Kentucky girl was struck by lightning, and
killed, while dressing for her wedding and the
hard hearted Cincinnati Enquirer says: "There
is such thing as being too attractive"
Shark recently caught in New York barbor
had flask and pack OF cards in his pocket
telegram was Immediately sent to Long Branch
to see who was missing.
Some curiosities OF catalOguing at the Astor
Library have recently been noticed, but none OF
them Is so fine as a blunder made In the cata-
logue Of the library Of q certain New York news.
paper. where "Arnott's Elements Of Physics" ap-
peared In the department Tabled medicine"
A Chicago man recently tried to build an au-
tomato mule. The hind legs were hung on
steel springs Of tremendous power, and when
they few a can of dynamite was exploded and
added force to the kick. But the thing was a
failure. A Bluegrass Kentuckian who was hoist
ed said it was not mule that hit him it was too
feeble
At the Washington hotel: Ohio mani say,
Mr. Clerk will you just please to throw the
light of your diamond over the register for a
minute? / wish to make myself from the State
of New York, you see."
NUMERICALLY CORRECT.
The fair Euphemia Brown is /,
And quickly 2 the church she HES,
Wi 3 son for the hasty act
Be her ardent lovers eyes;
'If to meet your irate pa,
fear twill make me g." said he,
"Unless this ly plan OF ours
Should culmn ausplci0usly
Oh, Fate, be but in this b o,
! nothing more from thee"
The Car.
An Ohio young woman borrowed pistol OF
one beau and while showing II to another, fired
it OF. The ball struck her upper lin and went
through the roof of her mouth. Here she took
charge OF 1t herself and swallowed IT, The Ohio
nature is the same throughout. 1t will keep ev-
erything that comes along.-Detroh Free Press.
Every story comes from another story. That
OF the ragged and thirsty tramp, who went up to
bartender and SAID, "Say, Mister, give me a
drink and have some fun with me-" is based on
speech OF Calldemus in Macaulay's "Athenian
Revels." He says to his son Spensippus, "What!
suppose you will wander from house TO house,
like that wretched hufoon, Phlllippus, and beg
everybody who has supper party to be 30 kind
as to feed you aud laugh at you" Thus the sto-
ry goes back TO Plato's time, for Plato Is the
character mentioned in Xenophon's "Sympo-
sum-
THREE GENERATIONS OF REPUBLIcANIsM.
First.
Squire Cecil, at his high arched gate
stood with his son and heir;
Around him spread his rich estate,
Near rose his mansion fair
And when nsghbor ragged, sad,
Unlearned, passed that way
The father turned, and to the lad
These kindly words did say:
"Thcre goes poor Muggins! All, my son,
How thankful we should be
That our republic gives a chance
10 fellows such as hen'
Third
Miss Muggins blazed in jeweled light,
And swept In silken sheen;
Her courters thought maid SO bright
And beauteous ne'er was seen.
Aloft she held her naughty head,
Surveyed her Paris clothes;
And must patronize," she said,
Miss Cecil, suppose.
shes poor, she teaches, has no stylel
In Europe now - but oh!
In this republic, we're compelled
To meet all kinds, you know!"
-Scribner'S Monthly.
There has been IN existence in England for
many years a periodical called the Neto Noon
the contributors of which are inmates of luna