The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-09-01
sPooPENDYKE AS A SPORTSMAN.

''Say, my dear" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he
drew gun from the case and eyed it critically,
81 want you to wake me up early in the morn
ing; I'm going hunting
.Isn't that too sweetr calculated Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke. "Fll wear my new dress and my
Saratoga waves. Where do we want to go!-
'.Tm going down on the island, and you'll
probably go as far rs the front door," granted
MIR. Spoopenkykc. All you've got to do is to
wake up in the morning ard get breakfast.
When come home we'll have some BIRDS
"Can you catch bir,ls with that thing!- and
Mrs Spoopendyke huttcred around the improved
breeeh loading shotgun, FIRMLY impressed that
il some Kind of trap.
al can kill them with this, exclaimed Mr..
SpOopendyke. THAT is n gun, my dear; il
isn't nest with three speckled eggs in it, nor is
it barn with n hole in the roof You stick the
cartridge in here and pull the finger piece, and
down comes your bird every time"
swell, isn't that the greatest thing! / sup
pose if you don't want partridge, you can put
a duck or turkey in that end, too, OF a fish or
a lobster, and bring it down just as quick"
ayes, or you can stick house or a cornfield,
n dod-gasted female idiot in there, too, il you
want tor snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Who
said anything about partridge! It's cart
ridge that goes in there
.'Ohw calculated Mrs. Spoopendyke, rather
crestfallen. 81 see now. Where does the bird
go.'
ale goes to night school, if he hasn't any
pendyke. 'Look here now, and I'll show you
how it works." and Spoopendyke, whose ideas
of n gun were about vague those of his
wife inserted the cartridge half way in the
muzzel end, and cautiously cooked the weapon.
Sand when the bird that he comes and
pecks at it, Isn't that the funniest ~ and Mrs.
SpOopendyke clapped her hands in the enjoy
ment of her discovery. Then you put ont your
hand and catch him.
you've struck it ~ howled Mr.. Spoopcndyke,
who had the hammer ON half-cocked, and was
yainly pulling at the trigger to get it down.
That's the idea! All you need is four feathers
and n gas bill to he martingale! With your
notions, You only want u new stock and n steam
trip-hammer to be needle gun! Don't you
know that dOd-sasted thing has got to 90 of
before You get bird. ion shoot the bird, yon
don't wait for 'em to shoot youn'
..At home we used To always chop their heads
off with an AK" faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke.
$50 would i. if l was going after measley old
hens" retorted Mr.. SpOopendyke, who managed
TO uneock the Continuance, "bnt when l go for
yellow birds aud sparrows, l go like n sports
man. While I'm waiting for a bird, )" continued
Mr.. SpOOpcndyke, adjusting the cartridge at the
breech, ~ put the load in here for safety. And
when | see flock, l aim and fire.
Bang! went the gun, knocking the tail feath-
ers out of an eight-day clock and blowing a foot
furrow in the wall, perforating the closet door
and eliminating in Mr.. Spoopendyke's plug hat.
Goodness graciousr slueaked Mrs. SpOopen-
dyke. "0h, N.Y.
Mr. Spoopendyke gathered himself up and
contemplated the damage.
''Why couldn't you keep still Z" he shreked.
"What'd We want TO disturb my aim for, and
make me let it off Think | can hold hack a
charge of powder and pound of shot while n
measly woman is soaring it through gun bar
rel!-
'If that had been n bird, how nicely you
would have shot it," suggested Mrs. SpOopen-
dyke, soothingly. "If you should ever aim at n
bird you'd catch him, surer
s'Oh, You know what could do! With your
information about gunnery, You only need wad
in your mouth and kick like a mule to he a
mountain howitzer! If had your intelligence
on sporting subjects, I'd hire ont for shot tow
And Mr.. Spoopendyke anxious for some excuse
to take it back to his friend Specklewatte, who
loaned it to him, held it out and eyed his wife
sternly. "YOu've ruined that gum" he con-
timed. at won't ever go off again.
''Ncver mind, DEAR" consoled Mrs Spoopen-
dyke. ats been off enough, and I'd just as lief
have some clans as birds. You go to bed, and
we will try and do without any birds"
at won't ever go of again" repeated Mr.. s,
as he climbed into his couch. "That is a ruined
gum and he turned his face to the wall.
Mrs. Spoopendyke slowly disrObed, having
first turned a stream of water into the gun from
the faucet, and betOok her to rest. at may not
90 OFF again." she thought, 'but if it does the
neighbors will think the water main has burst, "
with which reflection she began TO pat the ear
of Mr.. Spoopendyke, who turned over like an
earthquake, and wanted to know if she thought
she hadn't done enough mischief without lam
ming him like a dod-gasted blacksmith!