Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1881-03-19
A Toothsomo Tale.

Oakland came very near being the scene
Of another case of emotional insanity, but
which. unfortunately for the reporters, ter
minated in comparatively uninteresting
assault and battery case 1t appears that
two maiden sisters, living on Jackson street,
near Tenth. inherited such exceptionally
" fragile" teeth that some time ago they
both concluded to have them pulled out all
around and sets Of false teeth make to re-
place them. The sets were exact duplicates,
and, as Jane recently lost her set over the
side of the ferry-boat, Maria agreed to a
proposition By which the remaining set was
to be equally divided among the two, thus
avoiding an additional expense these hard
times. This economical scheme worked
fairly well until New Years Day, when II
was decided that Maria vas 10 reccige-of
course in the teeth-untii three p, m, after
which they were to dazzle the remaining
visitors between James coral lips. This ar
rangement was accordingly adopted, and
the latter sister walked about impatientiy
in the room over head, or else restlessly
killed time by peering over the banisters at
the new arrivals being welcomed at the par
lor door BY her sisters efulgent forty-dollar
coraline smile. Finally, the long-cxPected
hour struck; but to the astonishment and
despair of the toothless watcher overhead,
the relief guard from below did not arrive.
In vain the earagal sister above pounded
on the floor and slammed the door az war
ming hint. Still the erring sister did not
respond. At last, about p. n, the defraud-
ed partner in the tooth contract took adyan-
tage of her sister accompanying a departing
guest 70 the front door to lea1 over the Sc
cond-story railing and remark, in voice Of
suppressed passion, " Ugh glug muggity glug
wug?" which being translated from the Ian
ruage Of the toothless, which closely resem-
bles the sound produced by blowing into the
bunghole Of a barrel, meant, Are you COM
ing with those teeth!"
"Yes, I am-not, replied the traitor, who
by this time was chock full Of chicken salad
claret punch, and impudence, and who didn't
care 4 tinker's mother whether her unfortu-
nate relative gummed it until the crack Of
doom OF not
Mug ger rug jug-ug wug lug wug geree
hip sKee dug" fiercely mumbled the other
which boiled down into the normal Oakland
tongue meant, "You Maria Ann, If you
don't bring those teeth instantly, III come
down there and scratch your hateful eyes
outl"
"Ta-ta," replied the tantalizing tooth mo-
nopolizer: better take nap and sleep II
off,"
I But, instead Of utilizing this sisterly ad.
vice. Jane determined upon 4 sortie in force
and the result was that while Maria was ii
the act Of helping the next caller to some
chicken salad she was suddenly snatched By
the back hair and the salad dish smashed
over her head, in immediate succession u
which her irate sssailant forced her over The
coal scuttle and shook out Of her head the
disputed article, interpreting which pro-
ceeding with ANONYMOUSLY firing out th'
caller Aforesaid on MS undertaking to inter
fere.
All this was put in evidence before the
Justice of the peace the next morning, and
pending the outcome Of the trial, all Tax
restorative articles in Oakland are shaker