Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1881-07-13
1amrastcr futrlltgenrer.
EVENING. JULY ls. 1881.
The Cause OF Oar Troubles


The Cause or Oar Troubles
If our friend DIR. FahnestOck's g theory
is correct, that comets come to restore
4" our solar system its proper stock of
electricity, we may be permitted to mild
ly observe that we wish they would stay
away il they can't do their work with
less discomfort to humanity than our
present visitor seems to have caused.
Maybe We are wrong in charging our
unusual disturbances to the comet !;
maybe it is not the cause Of the exces-
sive heat, nor of the shooting of the pres
jdent, nor of the unprecedentedly early
advent of the mosquito but it will have
10 stand the blame, rs we don't know
where else to put it. These apparent
misf0rtunes may indeed he blessings In
disguise. The hot sun and the heavy
rains may insure us the abundant crops
that We are promised and then We can't
deny their blessing. The wOunding Of
the president may be his good fortune,
seeing how it has drawn to him the
syerted heart Of the country and for the
present caused il veil of oblivion to he
spread over his doubtful record. 1t may
be Il good thing for his party, too, in
pcrsuading its cOntending factions to
hush their quarrel and come together in
unity though the advance towards this
grace does not seem TO Ike very swift.
TO the Democrats even there has been
benefit in the magnanimOus attitude
their party has taken, in the situation.
IL compares we'll with l'arty 50 dis
tractel AS to find i'm its own membership
an assassin hand for its chief and our
president.
But when we come down to consider
the mosquitoes we fear our ingenuity
will fail Us in the effort to plallsibly state
the blessing in their presence. We might
fall back upon the faith Of the faithful,
and declare that they are good because
they are. But there is nothing novel in
That statement Of the case and it won't
persuade the unresenerate many, who
will condemn the mosquito while they
feel his sting and don't see Il bit of use
in it. TO those of little faith it may bc
hOIHless TO urge that tho mosquito is
the messenger of the comets cleo
tricity, dispatched early in the hot
season TO bestOw to each body the
portion Of the fluid needed to put
it in lirst-rate electrical condition and lit
it 10 defy the fevcrs and malaria that lie
in wait TO assail it when the positive and
negative forces are not in due proportion
with those of the circunlambient III: that
the sun, newly stored by the comet, has
promptly supplied with the right kind
and quantity of electricity. Ii That cx-
PLANTATION Of the hidden blessing in the
mosquito bite won't work, then We fear
we have no defense for the imsoct, Or the
comet that brought him, if it did. And
il don't matter much whether it is innO-
cent or guilty, for one who is engaged in
mosquito war cannot reasonably bc
expected 10 he in Il frame of mind to
make nice distinctions or TO carefully
weigh the evidence for aid against the
comet; he may be expe ctcd to condemn
it on general principles, thankful To have
something beside the little mosquito to
swear at,and something grand and beau
tiful and afar off, that will inspire him
with words To do justice to the subject.
And, by the way, is it not about time
for the astronomers to tell us some
thing about the comet 1t has nearly
disappeared from view, and We ;lre not
yet informed whether it is the comet of
1907 OF Il new one altogether. About the
greatest sufferers by the comet are these
astronomers, for they have suffered i'm
reputation, which is uheirall. They have
claime'l to know SO much and have been
found To know STD little, that they have
this great modification Of the spirit to
bear in addition to the modification of
the flesh caused by their ;lll-night vigils,
and the heat and the mosquitoes that
they endure along with the rest of us.
Poor men Of science! The only ones
who can find any consolation i'm the
comet are those who have maintained
these strange celestial visitors TO he the
messengers Of electrical force. The live
ly electrical cJmmOtion that has been
exhibited during the season gives great
plausibility to this theory. 10 say moth
ing Of tho mosquito bite rs Il gentle elec-
trical force, we have been treated to Il
great number Of bolts of the old fashion,
ed kind that strike houses and trees and
men and beasts. Hardly day passes,
certainly not Il week, in any community,
in which the heart of the wicked local
reporter is not rejoiced with the story of
thuntlerbolt. The comet has been ex-
pensivc to the insurance companies, and
they are deeply disguised that the as
tronomerS fail to fOretcll the coming Of
the all-iired things long enough ahead TO
enable them to raise their premiums ac-
ccrdingly. A Vennor in the comet pro-
plecy line is guaranteed steady employ
ment Oh his own terms by the under
writers.
WHEN Mr.. Garfield publicly expressed
The opinion that the influence of Mr..
Jefferson WIS OH the wanc and that of
Hamilton STRENGTHENING he only fOrmu-