The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-09-03
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


ocean tide-A marriage at sea.
More w,dowers fall In love-than in war.
Where to 20 when out OF money-To work.
A rod and lynn catch thu biggest fish OF the
season.
Lets shakcw as the Jersey ague said to the
earthquake.
Something that will keep, but not desirable to
have on hand "A wart.
It Is mistake TO assume that rose by any
other name would smell as wheat
Excuse this miserable scrawl" is the post
script,lrn q Chicago woman attached to o hastily
written telegram.
~ love thv rocks and drills" as the young fell
low sang to tho rich miners daughtcr.-Sdhm
Sunbeam.
The rewards for the apprehension OF Jesse
James amount to nearly 100000. Mr.. James Is
requested to call at this office.
New York man who was swiniled In the pur.
chase Of o 80 called trotting marc has named her
Lilly" because she does not spin.
Last week two thousand Chicago people ar.
rived at Boston, and the Post says less than 1900
Of them are colones. The others are probably
trigadlers.
great deal Of the original humor Of the day
IL 90 near like what we've seen before that
there's no fun In It'll. State Reg.
A Buffalo g!rvs Wedding stockings cost one
see-hold on We take that back.-ib.
The true way for woman to drive nail Ia to
aim the blow square ct her thumb. Then she'll
nj least avoid hitting hor thumb, anyway.-Bos-
ton Post. s,1-,r.
"Al things come to him who waits" but a
quarter ludiciousiy bestowed on waiter will
hurry the things up little Picdyuns
When smArried woman buys pug dog for
price shc gets q bsrgin, and her husband gets
something To boot-Somervilk Journal
A Hartford divorce lawyer said to his minister:
"You snd I live in the right state for one anoth.
er-what you Connecticut"
From the prices that some physicians charge,
one can readily imagine that high heals are fash.
iOnsble- Boston Commercial Bulletin
Chang Lee. a Chinese resident OF Cleveland,
o., has applied for divorce from the Irish girl
he married. Mr.. Lee has evidently learned what
diminishing fund means.
THAT butter Is too fresh" as the man remark.
ed when tho goat lifted him over the garden
fence.-Lo,acH CITIZEN. Il Is easy 70 SEQ how he
got tho impression.
A bar at its mouth looks bad for the MissIssip-
pi River. All rivers should run strictly on the
cold water plan.-N O. Picayu,se.
EAT onions, SIS" is the Boston Posts advice
10 maiden who wants to know how to AVOID
having moustache on her upper lip.
Sheridan and hls exploring party are going
through the Big Horn mountains. Now and then
big horn will 70 through Sheridan and his par
ty.-COurir Jnurpal.
newspaper without humorous column Is
like lemonade without stick In it.--OR Citp
Derrick. just so; both involve "smiIe"
Come, sit thee down upon this fowery bed,
While thy aimable cheeks do coy,
Andstick musk. r0ses In thy sleek, smooth head
And kiss thy fair large ears, idv gentle 10y.
Hs., Cincinnati lone Song
The Germans Of Milwaukee have organized a
new gymnasium. Every young man should take
occasional lessons at such an institution. Tho
Cincinnati Saturday Night says young man of
that city after hut two nights practice In a
gymnasium, was able to jump large board
bill.
Pecatonica has female barber.--Poio Press.
interest in at fact It IS necessary to know II she
has any little shavers.-- Dixon Sun.
1t Is useless for physicians tn argue against
United States says: "The right TO bear arms
shall not be interfered wth."-7n Jefferson.
London dispatch says that the Prince OF
Wales treats the alleged sending OF Internal ma
chimes to England with scorn. and has no fear Of
being blown up. Years Of absence from moth.
er.iu-law will make any man reckless.
Sitting Bull was astonishe1 on seeing frozen
cream In summer But how his untutOred ewes
would have expanded had he CHANGED to cast
them on young female pale. face let loose on
plsteful OF it!-Courkr. Journal.
bridegroom slapped his brides face two
hours after marriage, ~ they were about to take
a train at Whlteslde, ILL.,, for honeymoon tour
She stood still In surprise, but only n moment.
Then she seized his cane, belabored him well,
and went back home with her parents.
The dramatic exigencies Of tho spirit OF the
age have inspired Boston genius to writc a
new play In which the hero Is found flying across
an African desert dashed to the bare back OF a
bicycle. His deliverer proves TO be princess,
who marries him and makes him captain OF u
base ball nine
girl with fiat feet, like fritter
Couldn't lind Any shoe that would 1t her;
But she tried on "ten"
or the size made for men,
did they ftY do you ask! We should litter.
bear OF Colorado got hold OF Joseph
Brooks and sailed In to cat him, bu. began on one
Of his legs and 1t happened to be wooden. Joe
laid s'ill aud let the bear chew. He says 1t was
the most Disguised looking bear he ever saw
when the 'sel' broke over his countenance.
There is an awful state OF affairs Ia a little
town in Michigan where a type setter substitnt.
ed tho word "widows' for "windows" The edi
tor wrote: 1.-THE windows OF the church need