Smyrna times., 1881-11-09
WHOLE NO. 1876.
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS

Christmas cards this year are to he sim.
mense This is not slang; we refer to
their size.
flhd family where at least one dali,
paper Is not taken and you will find
family of gossips.
The report that Samuel J. Tilden ia ,o
marry Lydia Z. Pinkham is denied. Their
guardians won't consent.
fa'u has sailed for America. Next 10
tne music OF her own voice. she loves the
jingle of American eagles
Wit and Wisdom" has discovered tba,
in 'ne territories horse-thieves are ecnel-
ally high-strung individuals
II !" feared that the high price Of pro.
VISIONS this winter will bankrupt the man.
ufacturers of dyspepsia medicines.
II Is SAID to have cost Bookwalter of
OHIO 100000 to learn that man cannot he
elected governor by money alone.
There are said to be o63 STYLES Of cor.
sets and yet different young ladies waists
leel very much alike-the girls say.
Right on the heels of the report that
the cabbage crop is failure comes a we'll
authenticated rumor that cigars are going
up
One pint of Kerosene has made eighty
families homeless in Kokoma. Colorado.
assisted by the bad judgment of one who
is now an angel.
There is no thorn without a rose. Bos-
tons water supply is of no use for drink
ing purposes, but when boiled it makes
very nutritious soup.
| The question of whether an Indian will
stop fighting and take to agriculture or
not, depends on whether he has enough
| squaws to do all the work.
Intense excitement prevails at Allen
| town owing to report that some fiendish
spectators in human necessities are get.
ting up corner in peanuts.
1t Is carrying things a little too far when
a bald-headed man attempts to cover the
top of his head with hair grown away
down on the side of his neck.
In some of the Western cities the papers
pay so much attention to society matters
that a man can't 60 home sober without
having the incident mentioned.
A Philadelphia man, who found his
nextdOor neighbor disagreeable. resolved
on terrible revenge. He moved out OF
his house and rented it for q foundline
asylum.
Games of chess played by cable are be
coming popular, The advantage of play
ing by cable is that your opponent can't
drum with his fingers on the board while
you are thinking up move.
Cincinnati folks, when they do have re-
ligion, have it thoroughly. A poor girl OF
that city had no clothes presentable to
wear at church, but rather than stay away
she stole q suit that would do.
The engaged girl who allows her lover
to squander money ON her for balls, car
riages, and suppers, often wishes after
marriage that she had little of that gone
cash to buy a new bonnet or a cradle.
A Michigan woman has gone to Eng
land to bring back three hundred servant
girls. Her idea is to have enough to allow
the usual number of afternoons off, vet
always have at least one in the house.
Disease is to the French in North Africa
more dreadful enemy than the Arabs.
Of the thirty or more thousand troops
there, from twelve to fifteen thousand are
in hospitals. The Arabs are gleefully ex-
! claiming sick semper tyrdnnis.
1t is hard to make things dovetail some
times. A Philadelphia merchant recently
provided his lady clerks with chairs. This
philanthropic act became known and his
patronage so rapidly increased that now
there is not spare minute to sit down on
them.
Circumstances alter cases. A strong
minded young woman who could boss a
whole convention and was the terror of
every debater in town, got married some
time ago and is now the abject slave of
bald-headed, toothless being commonly
called baby.
Spiritual mediums say the next world
is a counterpart of this. In that case
there must be q celestial Chicago, filed
with a desire to increase its population,
and the Chicago spirits are probably the
ones that put it into the heads of earthly
servant girls to start their fires with kero-
sene.
Many of our readers will learn with
interest that the number of days from the
date of the late President Gaefelds cleo
ton to the date of his death, inclusive,
was Just three hundred and twenty-nine.
Was there anything prophetic in the cam