Daily Republican., 1881-07-15
HOW HE LEFT HOME.
A Husbands story Of the fishaps
that Befell Him.

"A husDhnuNs StOry Of the Mfshapi
that Befell Him.
Last sumner my wife received tee
gram from her mother, visiting il Bos
ton, urging her to meet her in that city
on an importan. family y matter. Let nc
one suspect me of insinuating tha. nv
respected mother-in-law is the "1-xiblt
tiend' from my introducing her nan,t
so soon after the title Of my story, hut
had it not been for that telegram nv
experience with said !iend would have
been nil
Arabella was to start early in the
morning, and gave me- my orders. "Be
sure and lock all the doors every night,
Theophilus; and whatever YOU DO, don I
aggravate Bridget, for you know what a
helpless prelirament you would be in,
if she should take it into her head to
leave"
gave the required promises, and
next day saw Arabella safely on her
way. For n few days all went smooth
ly. Bridget was to use her own descrip.
ton, in the most " illegantest' of hu-
mors, aud | enjoyed unwonted tran
guilty. Then came the beginning of
the eud. OF course Arahelia and ! ex-
changed letter, daily. eve had only
beee married Il year and llalf.) On
t he afternoon Of the fourth day her let
ter contained the following thunderbolt
in postscript.
Il forgot 10 tell you that found Auu,
'arraway here ona vi, from the West.
She will com" home with me for short
- l., l.
clean the house from root io cellar, a.
Aunt Carraway has an eye like lynx
but then ymi know, rhilly dear, she
has lots Of money"
| understood that 'phillv dear" at
once. On ordinary orcas41ns Arabella
ca, Is he 'Theophiius
Sic knew thai | would rather face a
hoWitZer than convey her commands to
Bridget, but IA the thing had to be done
her mode of address was an atfprtionate
hint to approach the damsel with the
utmost circumSpecli ion.
! began at once. | went to the kitchen
where Bridget was inhustriOusl Y clean
ing pans.
"Well, Bridget, is there anything
you need from the store. | may run
down there Tonight and can bring any
thing you want-just as well as o',you
know"
"Sugar's out, said the maiden lacon-
ically
"Anything else, Biidy," with
Pickwickial. S,uilc and a Chadband re-
tlection.
"Sure, ye might be after fetchin' a
sup o tay, TOO
II will Biddy with pleasure. BY the
way, that's fine young fellow that
comes to see you"
'lt'S my cuzzint shurr,' said Biddy,
rubbing very hard a pan.
"a very nice cousin, indeed, and |
hope yGu will treat him well, Bddy, /
rvery time he comes. BY the way, | ,
have Just had another letter from Mrs.
Blodgett. She will be home on Thurs
lay, and wished me to mention to you
tha: you might do little house-clean-
ng, as she expects to bring friend
with her. III help you, Biddy, pom
ny word will, continued, hastily,
seeing signs gathering wrath on Erin's
BROW.
Next day we began operations.
While Bridget scrubbed and secured
md grumbled and glowered, devoted
ny energies to clearing out the rubbish
n our bedroom closet and progressed
,wimmngly until | came to an old
loOp skirt of Arabelia's. | Ia. heard
\ friend say that stove clinkers aud old
loop skirts We're the har lest things to
get rid of on the face ofthe earth. Bum
t could not. could not hide it in the
lttic, for Aunt Carraway would be sure
o make an expedition thither within
wenty-four hours OF her arrival. If |
should throw it behind :he woodSAed
'iddy would trip Ov' it and fracture
ler classic nose. A brilliant idea pre-
ented itself | would bury it--in the
'egetabie garden, near the potato
,atch.
"rhc turf shall be its winding sheet"
aid triumphantly, and bore it to the
pot. A few sp les full of earth, a few
manly tears-caused by uprooting a
cry powerful onion near by-and all
vas over.
The next day sat ia the library.
eading an instructive volume entitled
'EniglLas of Life" The door was
brown open, and a bouncing bewild-
ring object gyrated along the floor to
ny study chair, followed by Bridget,
With the thunders of Olympus on her s
'row. and-ye4--a blacked eye! With
gestures she shot forth her
trade: {
"An' it is meself that'll be after t
avin' my eye kilt entirely wild the Il
owld villain av a hoop sknrrt {
ulLpin' until me face while I was dig
in OF perates for dinner--like devil
rom purgatorry shure!" /
She disappeared and l laid down my
ook in despair. "Enigmas of Life" I
hould lhi. k 50! I seized the hoop skirt
nd ran trtntical y into the garu,u.
you'd bury il seventy fathorns oeep, if \
had to dig through to The antlpudes. '
10 one should say that Theophilus a
'iodgett WAS the man to be conquered c
y an old hoop skirt, forty sWing dou- (
le-ellip:ic though it might be! just v
= [ reached the corner of the wood,
he'd heard silvery voice exclain: !
Good morning, Mr.. Blodgett!" c
Looking around deserted, oh horror! il
he clergyman OF 1t. james, with his Il
life and young lady visitor, Miss Juliet II
hornton, coming to call. For the Rev. tt
iggswell and lady cared not straw, a
~ Juliet Thornton had been one OF my Il
.de attachments before | engaged "
: sc to Arabella. In fact, l was
ug time, may say very long time, b.
making up my mind which of the it
really y preferred; but on Arabella's
salcast;cally ono evening "
at "some people never did know their d
WI minds," and that "men were ali fl
ike-fckle as the weather." ! gaspe'l bi
r tirluness, uprooted Juliet from NY
art forever, and made Arabella name
9 day on the spot.
However, notwithstanding the uprOot.