River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-03-17
" LIZZIE Is DEAD"
4 Woman's Device to Bring Tickle
Lover Around.

There came into the Western Union
office last evening Acknowledgement
young woman with fire in her eyes and
asked the young gentleman behind the
counter to indite message for her.
She was laboring under some excite
ment and talked about her business in
tones which a st. Louis Post Dispatch
reporter could not but take notice of.
well-known citizen she told the clerk to
write: Lizzie is dangerously i'll, )" and
sign it Annie" The clerk wrote and
read it over.
"No," said the young woman, re-
fectively, "that won't do; it won't
make him feel bad enough. You see,
we had little fuss, and want to make
him feel real bad, you know. Make it
read as if | Wei dead"
So, while she dictated, the clerk took
a fresh blank and wrote, Lizzie died
tonight" and signed it Annie"
There" exclaimed Mile. Frailty,
with an air of satisfaction, 81 guess
that'll do. Now send it as soon as you
can and if any answer comes let
messenger bring it right up to Eleventh
and Chestnut. guess that'll fix him"
So saying she hoisted her parachute,
gathered up the heavily embroidered
skirts and plodded up the sloppy street
to catch car.
Why He Consented to Leave Gum son.
Three months ago, when two hun
bred of the leading citizens of Gunni-
son City met in convention on a street
corner. there were seven or eight Mich
igan men among the crowd. When
Col. Parker presented the following
resolution it was Michigan man who
supported 1t;
Resolred That a committee of FIVE be appoint
ed to wait upon Calabash Sam, late of Dead
wood, and inform him that after sunrise tomor-
this crowd will open fire on him with the in
tention of furnishing corpse for our new grave
yard.
The committee of five went out to
find Samuel and deliver their message.
He sat on bench at the door Of his
shanty, shotgun across his knees
and pipe in his mouth, and he pre-
served silence while the chairman of
the committee read the resolution.
Then he stated:
THAT means me, does its "She
does"
'Thev don't like my style of carving
and shooting, eh? Chats what they
kick on"
"Well, won't go. You haven't got
huff men in the whole valley to drive
Calabash Sam rod. Return to the con-
vention and report that I'm here for the
season."
II forgot to menshun," continued
the chairman, in careless voice, as
he leaned on his gum forgot to
menshun that the convensun has ad-
journed. The committee thus finds
itself in an embarrassing situation, and
it sees only one way out of it. Onless
you'll agree to pick up and travel, this
committee will feel called upon to-
| to"
"To begin shooting, you meanw
Exactly, Samuel, exactly You
may have already observed that two of
the committee have got the drop on
your"
~ see."
"Corpses which are riddled with
buckshot have very unpleasant look, "
| continued the chairman" as he rested
his chin on the muzzle of his gun.
| Eyes, that's so"
"And its kinder lonesome, this being
the first plant in new burying- ground. "
"Y-e-s, it may be.
"And so, take tall around, the COM
mittee kinder INDUCES in the hope that
you'll see nit TO carry your valuable so
ciety back to the Black Hills. You
may have observed that three shot
guns, each under full cock, are now
lookin straight at We. We don't want
to bluff, but its Citing nigh supper
time" well. after looking the mat
ter all over, I'm convinced that these
diggings won't pan out low-grade ore,
and guess I'll take walk,
Right off, Eyes"
Right up this trail?' Yes"
Very we'll While the committee
feels sorry to see you go, and wishes
all sorts of luck, il hasn't time to shake
hands. Step of, now, and for fear you
amt used to walking we'll keep these
guns pinted up the hill until you turn
the half-mile bowlderpT
The Oldest member of the new Cabi-
net is Governor Kirkwood, 81, and the
youngest is Robert II. Lincoln, 81.
Blaine is 81, Window So, Hunt 45,
James 50, MacVeagh As President
CsarfipldiS ace Is 70