The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-02-09
VARIETIES.

wagon into seventeen different direc-
tions at once
You can excuse a man for taking a
gloomy view Of lite when he names
his child for a rich uncle who allows
it, aud then the day for baptism goes
into bankruptcy.
Schoolmaster: "Johnny, I'm ashamed
of you. When was your age 1
could read as well as l do now"
Johnny: Jaw, but you'd a different
teacher to what we've got"
"YouIs seem to enjoy telling fbs,"
dryly remarked an old lady to her
little niece, the other day. Yes,
auntie," replied the child, 81 think |
do, but enjoy having you swallow
them more"
Observed tree how it first tends
downward, that it may shoot forth
upward. Is it not from humility
that it endeavors to rise There are
those who grow up into the air, with
out at first growing al the root. This
is not growth, but downtalI.-St
Auqusti?ae.
Eyes" said the witness, "Isremem-
Der the defendants mother crying on
the occasion referred to. She was
weeping with her left eye-the only
one she has-and the tears were run
ming down her right cheek" "Whatm
exclaimed the Judge; chow could
that be ?" "Please, your Honor"
said the witness, "she was awfully
cross-eyed."
Honest difference OF opinion is no
justification for bad spirit. If one
dislikes the spirit Of another let him
illustrate his doctrine by showing a
better spirit. II one thinks another's
ways Of work are not the best, let
him prove the soundness of his views
by working successfully a better way.
Illustration is better than talk
Carving isn't fun. A young man
was invited to carve turkey
at dinner, recently, and be-
fore the knife was finally taken away
ltrapa him be, had upset a glass Of
lap, and nearly 1abbed a-frian eye
out, and it wasn't tough bird either.
George Breckenridge is man who
never has money enough on hand to
pay his bills. A few days ago he
bought a pair of boots on credit.
allow much are they ?" "Five doll
lars if you buy on credit, as usual,
but ten dollars if you pay cash down"
"How is that ?" "Well, you see,"
said the simple minded shoemaker,
even | sells on credit knows it is a
dead loss, so 1 make de loss so
| schmall as possible"
Eyes, / am going to skate" he
| answered, as his teeth ratified to-
gether and his ears stood out like sheet
iron medals. "They tried to stuff me
with the story Of boy who froze to
death on the rink at the park, but I
won't take it, did one freeze to
death ?" "Now; come to find out
about it, he just froze his ears and
nose and fingers and toes, and the
rest of his body wasn't touched at all!
They can't scare me with any of their
tales of horror !"-Free Press.
He was a great bore, and was talk,
ing to crowd about the coming 10.
cal election. Said he: "Jones is a
good man; he is capable, honest,
fearless and conscientious. He will
make the very kind of an officer we
need. He once saved my lite from
drowning" "Do you really want to
see Jones elected ?" said solemn
faced old man. 81 do indeed; I'd do
anything to see him elected" "Then
never let anybody know he saved
your life" The meeting then ad-
journed.
One Of the most fashionable ladies
in Galveston does not read the papers
much. The family is so wealthy, and
puts on loads of style, and there is
nothing good enough in Galveston
for the lady referred to. The other
day she picked up newspaper and
languidly perused an article about a
horse race in France. Finally she
said with a yawn, to her husband
''People eat horse meat in France,
don't they ?" eyes, I believe" "I
wish we lived there" "Why SO ~
81 was reading just now about the
horse race, and it says that steaks