The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-03-04
HERE AMI THERE

HERE AND THERE.
Summer resort circulars are crowding
tho season and burdenIng the mail.
The cabinet makers are veneering and
putting the brass knobs on their wares.
The commissioner of agriculture has
not yet satisfied himself whether egg
plants will produce ducks.
The fact that General Hazen is an
Ohio man seems to be regarded as suffi-
cient warrant that the weather during
the Inauguration will be of the most au-
spicious character.
This has been a winter of discomfort.
Nobody has been satisfied with 1t, not
even the ice men. There was 100 much
to suit them, and the ice was thicker
than suited their convenience.
1t is pretty generally admitted that
the individual who struck Billy Patter-
son will be q member of Garfield's cab
met, though it 10 not certainly known to
what portfolio he will be assigned.
If Gen. Hazen makes the coming
summer as proportiOnately hot as the
winter has been cold he will have to
pack up and move to some Indian reser-
walton. He can not freeze and drown
and cook people alternately without a
protest.
The instrument of evil who recently
invented cane that will carry pint of
whiskey, will probably plead inadver-
tence, when brought face to face with
the awful charge Of having inflicted
upon every third man in Kansas, the
fearful curse of chronic rheumatism.
Mr.. Bennyworth. of Pawnee, having
failed to sweeten his sorghum bill to the
extent of inducing the legislature to
swallow il, seems to be exercising his
energies in another field, having consum-
mated remunerative engagement as an
advertising agent of the Kansas City
Times.
The idea of manufacturing shoes from
wood was first suggested, we venture to
assume, by the discovery that shingles
afforded such an excellent substitute for
slippers, in applying moral precepts to
that portion of the average small
boy which custom has made to sustain
the brunt OF parental discipline.
The rumor is widely prevalent that
Conkling's recent visit to Mentor was
in the nature of a Folger blind. This,
however, needs confirmation. It has not
been claimed outside of the Democratic
press that Roscoe wants anything for
himself, but 1t will be readily conceded.
even by his friends, that ordinarily, the
senator from New York acts as his own
stool-pigeon.
The prohibition movement In the
Michigan legislature has been frescoed
with a very handsome black eye and
other facial marks of violence.
This intelligence will be received
by the whisky advocates of Kansas
with the same cxtravagant measure
of delight felt by the hen-pecked hus-
band when he learned that his neighbor's
wife had died of yellow fever five hun
dred miles from home.
The stature of policemen in Kansas
City has been fixed at five feet ten inches.
This regulation has probably been
adopted III pursuance of the we'll known
principle of optics that large objects are
more readily diScerned that small ones.
And yet, even with the exercise of this
wise precaution, we haYe no doubt that
policemen at the Kaw metropolis will
be wanted on very numerous occasions
when they cannot be seen.
The hog seems to be fully determined
to assert his power as a leading factor in
ourcommercial economy. Close upon the
furry attending Jay Gould's piggish per.
Torrance, which resulted in centralizing
the telegraphic facilities of the country
the French embargo against American
swine has caused an agitation in trade
circles which shows how unstable are
the fortunes of the man whose every
hope of success is grounded on pork.
Kansas City Journal: Minister Christ
fancy has been in contempt of the Dis
trict of Columbia court for his neglec
To pay the alimony adjudged his wife
but has now purged himself of the con
tempt by 'chalking up dues to date
The amount required was less thar
$1,000. If it were possible for the Ole
man to purge himself of the contemp
of the entire country for an equa
amount, it would be good investmen
for himself, his heirs and assigns
There seems to be some difficulty il
deciding upon q name for the northern
half of Dakota, which will be a candi
date for christening when the propose,
division of the territory shall take place
This condition of affairs leads the put
lie toinfer that the present governor
either not well in the van of temper
ance reform, or that his blind idolater
are culpably insensible to the golden OF
]. portunity afforded them for perpetua
ing the memory OF 4 great moral hero.
Mrs. A. T. Stewart, though well up
the eighties, is always seen at partie
in low-necked dresses, and in respeC
both to appearance and physical yigo
discounts her age by at least twent
. years. Unless the Baroness BurdeI
Couts developes an abnormal degree {
longevity, young Bartlett will have
r chance to circumvent Judge Hilton b
D laying seige TO the perennial C orneli
+ and reinforcing his English "ind
> by the widows dover in the Stewa
Q estate.
i New York Tribune: One ortwo Der
o ocratic organs have already hoisted Il
Il name of their presidential candidate +
q 1884 Defeat doesn't seem TO discouraI
5 them at all. They are just as brisk
y setting up candidates now As they We
is twenty years ago. though they have go
l. TO the wall in ak national contes
70 There is probably no parallel to the
d ! courage, unless 1t be in the case Of I