The Weekly Kansas chief., 1881-10-27
SPooPENDYKE.
The Reason They Did Not Go 20 the Ma.-
qnerade.

"Say, my dear" said Mr. Spoopendyke, as he
hurried in, hot and breathless, late from his bus
mess, did yon get me fancy dress for the mas
querade, to-nightr
ats all ready" replied Mrs Spoopendyke,
beaming; lyon go as-Iet me sce-I 20 as a
Spanish guitar girl, and you 20 as-as-its
either Louis Fourteenth, or Oliver Cromwell, or
Sir Robert Burns; I've forgotten which the man
called it,"
II do, do - said Mr. Spoopcndyke, glaring
around. 81 go as one of em, do l n As they
all dead, and will do for all three, p'raps
you can get coffin. Show me the coffin. Fetch
out the intcrconyertible catafalque, and help me
on with it. Has it got sleevesf"
at isn't n coffin" explained Mrs. SpOopen-
dyke. alt is a doublet and
'lt's n dOnblct, is it Well, that relieves me
of one of 'em. l Thought, from the way you
spoke, Mrs. Spcopcndyke, it was triplet. Is
you TO get me bandit suit, didn't II Fetch
out this Cromwell businessi Show me this man
Burns, Any sword go with il: p
Mrs. SpooPendyke brought forth n worn red
velvet jacket, trimmed with tarnished braid, and
pair of yellow velvet knee breeches, slasled mp
the side. This she supplemented with felt hat,
and n pair of jack boots, armed with spurs.
'.May he it is a bandits suit, after all,' she
suggested.
(which is the Louis Fourteenth end of this
thingf' demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Where
does the Oliver Cromwell part begini Show me
the Burns clement on this scheduled If Pm 60
ing to get into this thing gchronologically, mnst
begin with the measly king, and wind off with
the poet which is the king part 7" and Mr..
Spoopendyke shot out of his business suit, and
drew or the velvet trousers. "Where's the rest
on em :" he demanded, surveying an expanse of
unclOthed limb. ''This whole thing is only one
leg. Where's the pair for the other legi Give
me some more trousers;" and Mr.. SpOopendye
scowcd about him.
"Don't the boots come up to meet them y
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, in some trepidation.
Mr.. Spoopendyke pulled on the boots, but
still there was an exposed place Of nearly foot.
II spose this bare-legged arrangement is the
Burns part grinned Mr. SpoO pendyke. ale
was Highlander, and this much of me is Burns.
Show me the Cromwell part now. Is that hat
itf' and Mr. Spoopcndyke put on the hat, anu
breathed hard. "Whcre's the rest of met My
head and legs all right; bring ont my back
and stomach"
Mrs. Spoopendyke handed him the jacket, and
he plunged into it with jerk.
'.That what you wanted? ~ he howled.
Couldn't you make more'n three epochs of me !
Didn't the man have but three historical dates
Pull that jacket down a couple of centuries,
can't ye! Don't you see the bottom of the dOd-
gasted thing is two hundred years from reaching
the waist-band of the Burns breeches |" and Mr..
Spoopendy ke tuggcd at the abbreviated coat and
sDorted with wrath.
''May be that was the way it meant to
Co." argued Mrs. Spoopendyke. i saw"
''You sawed off the coat and pants, now s'pose
You saw off n rod of this hat, and patch 'em out
again. When did Cromwell wear that hat (?
What kind of bet did he win that on (. Say,
where's the scafold that goes with these measly
politicians, Fetch ont the headsmen," ?" and Mr..
Spoopendyke danced into the closet and ont
again.
part Bring me some Charles |. to hide my
legs! Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
for man was made to mourn because his head
was chopped offr shrieked Mr.. Spoopendyke,
combining the historical ideas he represented in
one grand yell. "Fetch me three suppers for
one dod gasted old idiot that trusted bis wife to
find suit for himir and Mr.. Spoopendyke
thrust his arm to the shoulder through the Cow
enanter's hat, and split the coat of the lamented
Louis from tail TO collar band. 'Look out for
some Scotch rOmaneew and he ripped off the
pants, and fired them into the crate. "Here
comes another page in the annals of crime" and
the boots went out of the window.
"And we-cant go-go to the mas-masquer-
ade at all,'
write an epitaph on the back of my neck,
and I'll 90 tombstone" yawped Mr.. Spoop-
endyke.
'.Put three bells in my side and torn stair
carpet at my back, and I'll 20 n French fat!
Discharge the hired girl and get up cold din
ner, and I'll go to a boarding house. But if you
think I'm going to any measly masquerade in
bare legs, like a baby, and bare-backed, like n
circus, just to advertise gin mill and broad
axe factory, you're left, Mrs. Spoopendyke. You
hear mel You're leftw Spoopendyke drew on
his night shirt.
''It's too awfully mean for anything" mused
Mrs. SpOopendyke, as she laid away the Spanish
guitar girls costume, and warmed up her crimp-
ing pins. ~ tried To get something that would
please him, and he don't appear to be pleased
with it. Another time I'll get him sheet and
pair of socks, so he can he Roman Senator,
ana if he is disappointed, and tears 'em up, it
won't cost so much" With which profound rs-
fiection Mrs. Spoopendyke said her prayers, and
planting her cold feet in Mr.. Spoopendyke's
stomach, sank gently to orest.-Brookiya Eagle.