Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-07-02
WIT AND WISDOM.

ut NOIhs
IT is one of the easiest things in the
world to make a blunder, but how hard
it is, sometimes, to repair one.
IT DOES not follow that a young lady
is fine performer on the piano because
she plays in beautiful manor.
THE fellow who originated the saying
"more fun than a barrel of monkeys"
never saw tin can with dog tied to it.
An exchange has an article entitled,
"AIay Woman Woo?" OF course she
may. Why else is she called WOO
man?
If Won ever write letter iii passion
wait until you have cooled off before
posting it, and thereby you will save
postage stamp.
"WILL the coming man fy?" is the
uuestiou. and the "Fat Contributor"
thinks he will-when the coming woman
gets after him.
IT is estimated that Is, 900 women in
the City of New York support them
selves-and many of them their families
by their own exertions.
A YOUNG man who came here from the West
| Thought he'd like iii some stocks to invest
| So to Wall street he went
And soon lost every cent;
| In Potter's Field now he's at rest.
A POLICE Justice in Syracuse refused
! to punish man who insulted n woman
who had firted with him. 'Nlrtuous
women have no right to tllrt, said the
level-headed old man.
THE Norristown Herald defines city
beer garden as-Two trees, 7x9 flower
bed, seventeen benches, and SIX walters.
In majority of cases trees and flower
beds are dispensed with.
"WHAT is the greatest charge on rec
ord ?" asked the the professor of his
tory. And the absent-minded student
answered "Seventeen dollars for hire
for self and girl for two hours"
"Do you see that lovely girl over
there, Tom? Well, she is called Elaine,
after Tennyson's heroine" SIS she,
though? When she is in one of her
tantrums, should call her Madelaine. "
SOME philanthropist has said that a
man who truly loves a horse cannot be
wicked. He must be in the wrong, for
Texas jails are full of men who loved
other peoples horses not wisely, but
| too well.
THE season of ocean travel is now at
its height. Thousands of poor immi-
| grants are flocking here to America to
make fortunes and thousands of rich
emigrants are rushing off to Europe to
spend them.
In THE ladies' cabins of the Hoboken
ferry boats the following notice has re-
Gently been posted: '"The seats in this
cabin are reserved for ladies. Gentle
men will please not occupy them until
the ladies are seated.
THE Canadians are reported as quite
generally believing that the world will
come to an end June 10. The real fact
is, however, that the world came to an
end years ago as far as Canada Is con-
cerned. .-LOckpOr Journal.
A MILLIONAIRE who was looking at a
level tract of land which he had just
bought at an extravagant price, said to
the agent who had sold it to him, " L do
admire a rich green fiat. $50 do /, "
Significantly replied tsSe agent
Two wEAsELs found an egg. "Let us
not fight for it." said the elder weasel,
"but enter into partnership" every
good" said weasel the younger. So
| taking the egg between them, each
sucks at an end. "My children, said
Redtapes, the attorney, though you
have but one client between you, make
| the most of him"
L LAWYER some time since asked
| Judge to charge the jury 'that it was bet
ter for ninety guilty men to escape
than for one innocent man to be pun
ished." eyes," said the judge, 81 will
give that charge; but it is the opinion OF
the court that the ninety-nine guilty
men have escaped already"
DURING the examination of a witness
as to the locality of the stairs in house
the counsel asked him, (Which way
did the stairs run?" The witness, who,
blythe way, was a noted wag, replied
that cone way they ran mp, but the
otherway they ran down" The learned
counsel winked both eyes, then took a
look at the ceiling.
ETIQUETTE: A "society lady" writes
to a fashionable journal to know "If
| etiquette allows lady to remain seated
while gentleman guest departs" 1t
depends on who the guest is, but it is
always SalS 10 accOmpduy IL Ot. 1OuA>
man to the door to see that he doesn't
carry off a so ivory-handled silk UNI
brelia instead of ffty-cent calico one
he brought.
ENGLIsHMAN (arguing for the superb
ority of England )-"But, my dear sir,
you surely will allow that England is
larger than Scotland" Scotchman-
Larger ? Not at all. Why, we have
about twice as much land in Scotland
rs you have in England. We have had
so much land in Scotland, we've been
obliged to make it up into hills and
mountains to fit"
WEST POINT Of1icer-"C "Cadet, what is
that you have stuffed in your pockets,
sir?" Cadet" "Tobacco, sir" Officer
-"Give it to me. 1t is against the
orders of the post to chew tobacco, sir. f"
Officer turns his back and cuts off a
chew, and talking to himself. That's
mighty good plug to man that's been
out OF tobacco for three days"