Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-10-06
Anlmuruas department.
A YANKEE ANECDOTE.


he would give no offence. The Doctor told
him to "out with it," as he guessed it would
not hurt much.
Fsllow.-"The inquiry is this DO you
think that your present form Of government
will stand, or that your people will not soon
require king?"
DIR. P-"Wel, sir, this is indeed a
question that does not fall in with my pre-
dilections, for am thorough Republican.
Still, I have no objections to answering your
question frankly. 1t is nay opinion, to which
l have come after much reflection, that we
shall eventually have king
FeHou.-"I am sure Of it am sure OF
it t!-but 1 have never yet seen an American
who was willing to admit it. VIII you favor
me with the reasons on which you found
your opinion, for I have no doubt they are
good ones ?"
DR.. P-"I think they are good ones, and
will frankly state them to you. They are
these l read in the Bible that when Israel
was virtuous people, God governed them
generally with judges Of their own choosing
but when they became corrupt and degra-
ded people, God in wrath gave them king.
AS we are rapidly importing European man
ners, and corrupt customs into the United
States, greatly fear that we shall degener.
ate until God will treat US as he has the de-
graded nations of Europe, and give US
kingw
The Fellow grew suddenly red in the face,
and would have fought, but the laugh of his
neighbors was so hearty, that he had to join
in it, and soon he managed to say, "Well, you
have taught me one lesson to-day that shall
never forget"
DR.. P-"And, pray, what may that be p
for it is very rarely that an Englishman will
admit that he learns any thing from an
American"
Fsllow.-"I have learned to let the Yam
KEGS alone, and not medde with their pecu
liar matters"
DR.. P-"Thank you, sir. But allow me
to say that you are rather slow scholars, for
we certainly taught you that lesson at Bunk
er Hill"
Fello,o-"I see that you are incorrigible."
DIR. P-"And that's the way with your
people"
sa- Stopping for a day or two at village
a short way from Boston, Jeems went to
BARRIERS shop to get shaved On entering,
and casting his eyes about the room, he per-
ceived that the barber drove double trade,
of tonsor and small grocer.
"Shave, sir?" said the barber to the custo-
mer, whose face sufficiently indicated the OBJ
ject of his visit.
Jeems made no reply, but drawing him
selfup to lofty height, proceeded, in his at
torney fashion, to interrogate the barber as
follows
"Sir, are you the barber?"
"Yes, sir have a shave?'
And do you also keep this oyster cellar p
"Yes, sir; have any oysters p
"Well, sir this occupation of yours, gives
rise to the most horrible suspicious. 1t is
serious thing, sir, to submit ones head to
the manipulation Of stranger; but if you
can answer a couple of questions to my salts
faction, | should like to be shaved"
The barber said he would try.
"Well, sir" said Jeems, solemnly, "do you
shave with your oyster knife?'
mo, sir" said the barber, smiling.
"One question more," continued the in.
terrogator, land remember that you are un-
der oath, or rather recollect that this is a
serious busincss-(he barber started )-one
question more: do you ever open oysters with
your razor"
mo, sir" exclaimed the barber indignant
ly, amid roar of laughter from the BY
standers
"Then shave me-" said Jeemes, throwing
himself into the chair, and untying his neck
cloth with the air of IL man who has un-
shaken confidence in human nature.
AN IMPATIENT JURYMAN.-An Arkansas
correspondent of the New Orleans Picayune
gives the following as authentic.
You are all fond of cracking Jokes at the
expense of Arkansas; now here is one on
your own State, absolutely true. l got it
from an eye witness
The District court in one of our Northern
parishes was in session-'twas the first day of
the court time, after dinner. Lawyers and
Others had dined and were sitting out before
the hotel talking, when long, lank, un-
sophisticated countryman came up and un-
tremendously made himself one Of 'em, and
remarked:
"Gentlemen, l wish you would 60 on with
this court, for want to 60 home-I left Bet
sy looking out"
"Ah!" said one of the lawyers, "and pray,
sir, what detains you at court?"
"Why, sir,' said the countryman, "Im
fotched here as a jury, and they say if l 60
home they will have to FIND me, and they
moun'nt do that as live good piece"
"What jury are you on ?" asked lawyer.
"What jury?'
"Yes, what jury. Grand or traverse jury"
Grand or travis jury ? dad fetched if
know"
"Well, said the lawyer, ''did the judge
charge you?'
"Well, SQUIRE" said he, "the little fellow
that sits up in the pulpit and kinder bosses
it over the crowd, give US talk, but don't
know whether he charged anything or not"
The crowd broke up in a roar of laughter,
and the sheriff called court.
THE TRUE MAHoMEDAN SpIRrT.-A Ger.
tain good natured old Vermont farmer, pre-
served his constant good nature, let what
would turn up. One day, while the black
tongue prevailed in that State, one of his
men came in, bringing the news that one of
his red oxen was dead.
."Is he?" said the old man "well, he al
ways was breechy cuss. Take off his hide
and carry it down to Fletcher's, it will bring
the cash."
An hour or two afterwards, the man came
back with the news, that slime back" and
his mate were both dead.
"Are they?" said the old man; we'll,
took them from B--to save bad debt,
that never expected to get. 1t is lucky that
it aint the brindles Take the hides down to