National Republican., 1881-09-13
A TURN ON THE CRANK.
To the Editor of THE REPUBLICAN:

To tho Editor of THE REPUBLICAN,
These are the days of the crank" Ac-
cording to the press the world is full of cranks-
long cranks and short cranks; fat cranks and lean
ones; wise cranks and fool cranks; black cranks
and white ones. If u man possesses particular eN-
cellence in any certain art proesslon or trade, he
is crank in that lne-a painter crank, or sculp-
tor crank; law crank, n medical crank, or u
shocmaking crank. &c. OF course, we have news
paper Cranks and editorial cranks. But in all this
wide world there Is but one military crank, and he
belongs to the Cincinnati Gd-ct'e. This military
crank has one very marked peculiarly that dis
tinguishes him from all other crankS, and that Is,
he knows nothing at all In regard to the subject on
which he Is cranky. His productions show that he
scarcely knows
WHICH END OF THE MUsKET
Is placed to the shoulder, and cannot tell whether
hard-tack and sow-bclly are classed as fixed nm
munitiOn or medical stores. The great ambition
of this crank is TO show that all the Union generals
in the late war were irrcdeemable idiots, who sac
rlhced army after army by their idiOtc blunders,
and that the war only came TO an end because both
parties were out of ammunition aud had nothing
left whercwith to make noise or kill each other.
This military crank Is now deyoting all his time
and talents CD TO the Nicksburg campaign, in
which he shows that Grant blundcred ut every
step, and then lied about his blunders, and that
General Badeau swears to Grants lies. The re-
view of the Nicksburg campaign by this military
crank is something wonderful. There Is nothing
in the English language like unto 1t, nor ever will
be again.
THIS WONDERFUL CRANK
handles divisions, corps, and armies in q way that
would have caused Napoleon to froth at the mouth
and Frederick the Great to wish that he had never
been born Times distances, days circumstances
and facts are handled with an Impression md
disregard for the truth that shows that this crank
is II not master grand tactics and strategy, al
least master In the art of weaving fiction Into
history sklllmlly that the most acute cannot
tell where the history ends and the fiction begins
II no names of places were given in his produc-
tion his pretended history would apply just as
well to the campaign against Captain Jack In the
Lava Beds as against Pemberton In Vicksburg
Though the actual campaign resulted In the win
ming Of two or three important battles outside o
Nicksburg, and in the capture of Vlcksburg Itself
with Pemberton and all his army, yet the Gd.cte'
crank shows with the utmost ease that
1T WAS \ MISERABLE FAILURE
from Its inception to It's close that the confederate
flag Is still flying victorlOlsly over the city of Vicks
burg, and that the laurels Grant has been wearing
all these years for its supposed capture really be
longed to the rebel PemDerton for bis brilliant ant
| victorious rcpulse Of Grant and his forces. Tit
whole country, IN spccchess awe, has witnessed
| this cranks vicious assaults on history and ol
Grant hut hitherto 10 solution Of the mystery hu
| been vOuchsnied II. Therefore il remains for us Il
| Lift the curtain and unvcil the dark mystery. A
| one time newspaper crank named Reed was EN-
| ployed on the Sunday capital, of this city. Ill
wrote several very abusive articles against Judg
| Dent, brothcr-in-l law Of General Grant now dead
Among other things Reed charged Judge Don
with selling cOilsulshtp for $1,000 and contin
gency. Judge Dent took umbrage at this. No
| was this all he took.
| HE TOOK CLUB,
made grand strategical advance on tho Capita
| office, found his slanderer took aim at his head
| and took him half dozen or more with the clu
he took along, and laid him out for funeral crank
However, and unfortunately, he survived, and
| now taking his revenge us the Gd=ehes militar
crank By pitching into Grant. Why he shorl
| abuse Grant because Dent bclted Hades out of hin
ordinary morlas fail to see. No doubt II is the re
suit of grand strategy and the outcome OF still
grander tactics, wlichare too abstrGse for commo
people to comprehend. One thing is certain, tn
| Gazette mar has succcededin proving himselfa mil
tary crank Of the highest order and an ass of tn
| longest cared breed People read his diatrbe
only to laugh nt him, and remember him only I
recall the hct that he is the most complete speci
| men Of the genus crank nov oil the fl0tstool.
| ANTI. .CRANK.