The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-06-10

"BEAR with me for WHILE" is what
braced the tramp.
WILL the coming man wear q stove
pipe hat? is asked. Not unless he
smokes, replies the Elmira Free Press.
He HAD been telling her stories of him
self, and had done great amount of
Dragging. When he had finished she
kissed him and murmured, This is a
kiss for blow"
A CoNNEcTIcUT man has invented q
pipe that will light itself. This is an
underhanded attempt to force house
painters to find some new way to kill
time. Boston Post.
''Now lay me down to Sleep" said
little Toddlepins. Then stopping min
ute, "but l amt going to pray for man.
mas sole to keep, cause it hurts" He is
regarded as the Bob Ingersoll of the fam
lily.
"EsTHETIc DAMsEL." The most
charming decoration for plate is good
piece of beefsteak with well cooked po-
tatoes and just sufficiency of gravy.
It'll lay over trailing vines or sunhower
any day. Post.
''THE ripest peach is on the highest
tree" says James Whitcomb Riley.
James shows his ignorance. The rlpest
peach is in the bottom layer of the bas-
ket every time, and it is generally about
nine shades too ripe.
New YORK latest lah-da-dah: "Do you
play the piano?" mo; don't play the
piano, but my sister Hannah, who is in
Savannah, she plays the piano in the
most charming mannah. "Haveaban-
ana?'-NesO York Star.
THE difficulty originated in this way.
Said Gallagher to Ragbag -'I heard
story just now that was funny enough to
make jackass laugh. Let me tell it to
you" "Don't You slur me in any such
remark as that, roared Ragbag, angrily.
"How many of you are there?" asked
voice from all upper window, of sere-
nading party. -Four" was the reply.
divide that among you," said a voice,
as bucket of slop fell ''like the gentle
dew of heaven" on those beneath.
THE Norristown Herald is accounta-
BILE for the statement that New York
''ninety-nine cent store" was robbed Of
eleven gold bracelets, six watches, three
diamond pins, fourteen gold brooches
and fifty -four finger rings. The loss is
estimated at $220.-OH city Derrick.
SAID Mcguire to Finnegan-"When
you see me acting like fool, tell me so. p"
And Finnegan said he would. And in
about half an hour ne called out-"Ma-
guire, you're making fool of yourself. F"
And then Mcguire got mad and thumped
Finnegan. 1t always works that way
Boston Post.
CAN any one tell us why woman,
emerging from crowded car, always
makes believe she is going to get ont at
one side of the platform, until two or
three men have jumped off in the mud,
and then steps off at the other side. She
always does it, and we want to know the
reason why.-Phiiadei1'hia Bulletin.
A coNUNDRUM-''What is the differ
snce between man going to Plymouth
Church and a lover about to propose?"
asks the Boston Courier. Don't know
Boston Post. Then you had better go
back to school. One is going to see
Beecher and the other, to beseech her
Philadelphia bulletin.
THERE is lots of enterprise in this
world. A Chicago oon-keeper offers
prizes to persons who take the greatest
number of drinks at his bar in q given
time. And it may not be long before
enterprising undertakers offer premiums
to families in which there are the largest
number of death during the green APP
pie and cucumber season. -NOrriStO1OD
Her1Id