Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-11-04
Detroit Currency.

a woodchopper is rot judged by his
Ak, but by bis blows.
The man who whistles will in time
overcome the nan who argues.
Chinese BARRIERS shave without isther
and cut fellows hsir leit-handsd.
Every city in America has this year
had Its hottest day in fifteen years.
Any railroad train can beat Maud =,
and the fare is only three cents per
miie.
A fowl indiana crow Richmond
Baton. Another like him-a Black
hawk.
Let Frencbman hare soup to please
him and he won't find fault with the
dessert.
II may cool you eff little to be told
that last week was thu hottest week for
the past thirteen years.
1t is so hard to find n word rhyme
with Guiteau that most poets use
hemp" and let it go at that
One thousand Holland immigrants
per week is the average for weeks past
Holland gin will soon be cheap.
Tally one for Alabama. A marriage
was postponed in that State the other
day on account of the hot wave.
The poet Longfellow has had four
chances to get fat political offices, and
four times has he told Satan to get be-
hind him.
What does Mr.. Alcott mean by the
animal in our nature? Does it refer to
the quantity of "the critter each per-
son has imbibed?
A Virginia tramp stole the outfit of q
small-p patient and proceeded on his
merry way. Three dead tramps in a
cave ended the chapter.
When this Government finds the
maker of an Internal machine it should
set the clock. work to run twenty min.
utes, set the maker on the clock, and
furnish relatives hat box to take away
the pieces.
The Syracuse Herald aSriculturisi
has eeen an Ohio man who has struck 8
new idea. He has grated lemon on
TO a watermelon vine and raised melons
filled with lemonade.
A Virginisn guilty of three murders
called the Governor of the State hog
because he would not grant stay Of
execution. Some folks don't know
when they are we'll used.
The Mexican Government has now
issued orders that no soldier guarding
q powder magazine Can smoke while on
duty, and some of the Mexican papers
support the arbitrary ruling.
For one long week Norwich, Conn,
druggists had no almsnacs to give away
or soda water to sell, and the only ad.
ditional thing needed to plunge the
town into despair was for some one to
cut the telegraph wires.
The Baltimore american says: 1.-The
two hsndsomest men in the United
States were at Saratoga the other day
This is false! Neither the Detroit Free
Press man nor ourself has been there
this season. II Boston Post.
An Indiana man pulled drowning
woman out of the mighty Wabash,
which was all right, but he smoothed
her damp hair as she lay on the bank,
which was all wrong. and his wife has
sued for divorce on account Of it.
Homer, ILL.,. had female barber, and
instead of whooping around and raising
Bob. Ingersoll's no-such-plsce about
it. the women quietly raised q purse Of
$500 and gave it to an old bach to mar.
~ the shaveress and take her away.
They don't get enough of sleep in
Albany in the natural way, and there.
fore the $4,000 people in that city eat
$500 pounds of opium and take $500
ounces Of morphia per year. That is
where all the nightmares start from.
A woman at EIgin, ILL.,, has horse.
whipped half q dozen teamsters for
cruelty to their equines. and if the
society for the P. of @. to A. will keep
away from that town she will soon have
whips abolished and sled.skates cut up
for firewood.
Law professor: "What constitutes
burglary?" Student: "There must
be breaking" Professor: "Then, il
q man enters your house and takes S.
from your vest pocket in the hall, would
that be burglary?" Student: Eyes.
sir, because that would break me-"
Lassoing Wildcat.
One always feels an admiration for q
brave beast even if the animal is cruel