The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-09-21
Ike ItIristtwn Gazette.
WAITS AND WHIMs.

WAITS AND WHIMS.
SoMETHrve to be sneezed at-snuf.
A CRUEL husband calls his wife ''greer
fruit, because she never agrees with
him.
Few men. are so awkward with tools
that they cannot work a corkscrew quite
handily.
IT is better to give than to receive.
This relates especially to advice and
medicine.
THEY say Chicago girls never find 1t.
hard to elOpe They make rope ladders
Of their snoe-strings.
LHERE are some men so talkative that
nothing but the toothache can make one
Of them hold his jaw
MINNIE BANKS, of st. Paul, kissed her
lover GA times without stopping. MIN
nesota liked it, anyhow.
'STRTvE to make a good impression
wherever you CO." said Jones, as he
pulled his foot out of the mud.
WHEN a man and a woman are made
one. the question (Which one?" is a
bothersome one until it is settled, as it
soon is.
IT is about as difficult to convince a
burglar that the owner of the house Is
afraid of him, as to convince the house
holder that the burglar is afraid of him.
THE angel of midnight-the woman
who opens the street door for her hus-
band when he Is trying to unlock the
bell-knOb, and then let's him sleep on the
hall-foor.
When Michigan minister is about to
elope with the wife of parishioner he
breaches farewell sermon and exalts the
duty Of patience and long suffering
This sort of pours oil on the troubled
waters IN adyap~
THERE is to be club of circus men.
There viii be no chairs in the club, moth
ing but trapezes. When they dine every
body viii stand ON his head There viii
be 10 stairways. The members will get
into the club by climbing the waterspout
and coming down through the chimneys.
A RELIGIOUS tract, called "Put Not
Your Trust In Princes, was thrown into
the saloon of a simple old Ger
man. He read the title, and solilo-
Guizcd: ''Veu, don'd put some drust
IL Brinces. Dey must pay der cash In
dis shop chUst der same as a vite mans.
Er is a great mistake in mothers to take
I'D much pains teaching their children to
spc:k What q world of trouble it takes
-, make some babies talk, and what a
tsHiL of trouble they make with their
everlasting talking after having once |
learned how to do it.-BOStOn Trans |
cri0t.
liz softly kissed his sleeping wife,
Then with q lingering look
Oi i,und affection straightway went
And kissed her pretty cook
AIS for him, the gentle wife
II thought ash ep, not,
Ant for her cook and hubby, too,
dol srfer hot
Seymour Times.
An uptown landlord writes his own
bill Of fare. thereby saving the cost of
printing. 1t announces: "Coffey, supe,
rosie befe, fride hamm, boyled and bakt
pcrtuters, fride could pudden, Minis pyes,
uluttiug chops, yeele culverts, hasch
and crucifed chickens. "-KiglgStOR
ETecmUn.
GOOD MORNING, remarked two gen.
tlcmen as they stepped up to the bar.
"Aiyrnin', gentlemen, whatu it be?"
asked the keeper ''Well, I'll take @
Kan cocktail" said one. ''Give me a
ci-Gar field, said the other, and then
they both laughed and said it was q very
good joke.-AibGny Journal
THAT it pays TO look under the bed be-
fore you retire, If you are woman, re-
celyed fresh evidence in Watertown re-
Gently A young lady there took peep
sid WAS rewarded with a view of mans
boots. She Immediately called her father,
who promptly responded with gun and
club, and catching hold of the rascal's
feet, brought his own boots to light.
His daughter had worn them on a berry
expedition and had thrown them there
on getting DEMONSTRATING Nel0s.
4 DENVER girl lost her foot, and her
gallant lover had q pOcketbook made of
1t piece of tanned skin from the ampu-
tated member The Syracuse Standard
huys: IF she had been a Utica girl she
lsielt have had a trunk cOvered--BGch
CIR E4cHaHge. 1t seems to US that
puciethook made out of the skin of a
i.uls foot, is out of place. Why didn't
lac Young man have an ice box or re-
iJig,rGtor car made of it? There is too
Hiuch building material actually thrown
HWay.-Peck'8 s. S't7l.
ct Petersburg, Illinois, the other day,
Il man named AYn. I Stein loaded his ,
gU. and set out to XII aneighbor, against
" hoin he entertained feelings of the ,
greatest animOsity,- and ten cents for
whisky screwed his courage to the stick
ing point. But in the hurry and hustle
incident to the publication of a great
family newspaper, errors are bound to
creep in, and AIr. Stein somehow got his
gun wrong end foremost and shot him
self through the head II seems as
though there were more accidents this
year than ever before. --PecE'S San