Western sentinel. [volume] (Winston [i.e. Winston-Salem], N.C.) 1856-1886, 1881-07-21
BUCK RANSHAW'S FUNERAL.
MARK TWAIN.

There was q grand time over
Buck Fanshaw when he died. He
was q representative citizen. He
had killed his man"-not in his
own quarrel, it is true, but In the
defense of q stranger beset by num-
bers. He had been tho proprietor
of 8. a.dashing hslpmeet, who he could
have discarded withou: the formal
ity of a divorce. he had held a
high position in the fire department
and been q Warwick in politics.
When he died. there was great
lamentation throughout the town,
but especially in the vast bottom
stratum of society.
On the inquest it was shown that
Buck Fanshaw, in the delirium cf
wasting typhoid fever, had taken
arsenic, shot himself through the
body, cut his throat, jumped ont Of
four-story window and broke his
neck and after due deliberation
the jury, sad and fearful, but with
intelligence unbinded by its sor-
row, brought in verdict Of death
Shy the visitation of God What
could the world do without juries?
Prodigious preparations were
made tor the funeral. All the We
hicIes iE town were hired, and all
the saloons were put in mourning.
all the municipal and fire company
flags were hung at half-mast, all
the firemen ordered to muster in
uniform, and bring their machines
duly draped in black.
| Regretful resolutions were pass
ed and varions committees were
appointed; among others com
mittee of one was appointed TO call
on the minister-a fragile, gentle,
spiritual, new fedgeling from an
Eastern theological seminary, and
as yet unacquainted with the ways
of the mines. The commit
mittee-man, "Scotty" Briggs, made
his visit.
Being admitted to his presence,
he sat down before the clergyman,
placed his frc-hat on All unfinished
manuscript sermon under the min
istcrc nose, took from it a rcd silk
handkerchief, wiped his brow, and
heaved sigh of dismal impressive
ness explanatory of his mission
He choked and even shed tears
but with an effort he mastered his
voice and said in lugubrious tones
Arc you the duck that runs tn.
gospel-rnill next doors'
'Am l thc-pardon me, l believ'
l do not understaud'2'
With another sigh and half sol
Scotty rcjoined:
why, you see, we are in q bit o
trouble, and the boys thought ma,
be you'd give us lift. if we'd tack.
+ le you, that is, if I've got the righr
of it, and you are the head clerk o
the doxology works next door,
& am the shepherd in charge o
the flock whose fold is next door,
The whatl'
r The spiritual adviser OF the li:tl
company of believers whose sanct
'uary adjoins these premises
| Scotty scratched his head, re
hected a moment and then said:
You rather hold over me, pare
l reckon l can't call that hano
Ante and pass the buck
'Howl l beg pardon. Whs
did | understand you to say!'
We'll, you've rather cot ii,
bulge on me. Or maybe we'v
both got the bulge somehow. Yo
don't smoke me and l don't smok
you. You sec, one of the bows h.
passed in his checks and we war
to give him good send-off, and .
the thing I'm on now, is to 70,
Z out somebody to jerk a little chin
: music, for us, and altz him throue
handsome
MY friend, l seem to grow mo-
and more bewlldered. Your OF
servations are wholly incomprehel
sible to me. Cannot you simply
them some way2 At first I thougl
perhaps l understood you, but no
grope. Would it not expedi
. matters if you restricted yourself
| categorical statements of facts, III
encountered with obstructing acc,
mutations OF matephor and allegt
ry!
Another pause, and more ref1e,
tion, Then Scotty said.
tb 'I'll have to pass, l judge
in 'How2'
~ sYou've raised me out, pard',
i still fail to catch your mea
H. ing
why, that last lead of yourn
~, too many for me-that's the i'd.
oar l can't neither trump or toll
WI suit
'oe on The clergyman sank back in
.b,e chair perplexed. Scotty leaned
use head on his hand and gave hims