The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1881-10-18
LImn.KiIn Deliberations.

"Doan' seek to make angels OF yenelves,
quietly began Brother Gardner, as the
meeting opened. "In de iust place dis am
no sort o kentry fur angels, an in de next
place you would be mighty lonesome, De
man or woman who becomes.so sweet an
soft an good dat dey expect cherry mint ia
rise up an fly doan' take as much comfort
us folks who feel dat it will be clus shave
10 git inter heaven, a ieette wiCkedness
pickles man an makes him keep all dc
better. When trade mules wild u man
prefer dat he should suspect me wild an in
tenshun to make an chen $25 by de opera
shun. When deal wild q butcher like
to feel dat he will work in four ounces OF
bone fur cherry eight ounces OF meat ef |
doan' watch him, ! like to have de boot
maker tell me dat American cowskin am
French cali, an am pleased when de sto'
clerk warrants 70 cent ,caliker to wash like
sheet.iron, DE man who am not leetle
wicked has no chance to feel sorry; no Use
for prayer no need OF churches. He can
not say to iellow-man: i wronged you
Pm sorry-shake.
A"De man who neber sins makes poor
mex doah Neighbour. De woman who keeps
feelin' Of her shoulders to see II wings have
started makes a poor mother an q wuss
housewife, II you babe never injured a
man an gone to him an axed his pardon
an made up, you doan' know what real
happiness am. II your conscience has
neber driben you to prayer you can't feel
do goodness OF de Lawd. My advice to
you am to be n leete wiCked-not huff to
maize men fear or hate you, but just huff
to keep you convinced dat you must help
to support churches an pay Clus attenshun
to what de preachers say, oryOull be left
benin when the purCeshun starts"
Further reports were submitted regarding
the torpedo chicken, lately invented in
Mobile. A specimen chicken had been
procured by the committee, and It's work.
tngs exhibited. The invention Is not as
deadly as at first supposed. 1t Is loaded
with four ounces OF bird shot and two OF
powder, and placed on the roost. When it
Is reached for catch Is thrown out OF
place, a powerful spring set In motion and
u hammer strikes and explodes percts-
sion cap. The shot are thrown out in every
direction, and within ten seconds after the
explosion dark figure Is seen galloping
down the alley and husky voice heard
nquiring: 40 de IAwd but what has
de white folks got hold Of now? Tie
committee closed its report rs follows:
"Havin' pushed de investigation an kiver-
ed all de groun', we beg leave to be dis
charged from further Considerashun Of de
subject, an to respectfully inquir' OF our
respected president: Kin dis torpedo
chicken be suppressed? II not, what shall
we doP An we will cher pray"
"Asto suppressin' de inwenshun see no
way to accomplish It," replied Brother
Gardner. "As to what shall we do, hev
bin ssr'usly reAeCtin' fur dc las ten minits,
an it am my solemn belief dat de bes'
thing de Guild race kin do am to cultivate
q tNste fur some oder sort O. meat"
Tie secretary announced communica-
ton from the president Of the ColOred
Board Of Trade OfNEaCon, Ga, asking what
the Lime-Kiln Club thought Of the general
outlook for six months ahead, and Brother
Gardner carefully placed paper stopper
in his ink-bottle and replied:
"Look out fur de outlook. De man who
has sot out fur 10 ride three or 70 HOSES
from now to mex harvest will find hisself
on foot beto' New Vars. Isay to deculltl
iolkses in dis kentry to pull up on their
tishlines an git ready fur hard times De
man who can't see high prices fur libin'
ahead mus be blind. Spectators nm
gwino to get nipped II dey don't look
sharp, nm fancy stocks ain gwine TO take
an awful lrap at dc fust cry Of alarm.
When de signal corps runs up de red flag
de prudent man ties string to his hat.
When de wheat, corn, oat, later and fruit
crap fall off one half an de sun sots iiah to
de grass in de fields, de prudent man will
put his house in order to meet dc comm
pinch. "--Dstroi Free Pres.