The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1881-04-20

Nsacs. &~6 AES fi
s A put-up joba physicians prescription
N. y NsDs.
When a man sssits down on you it i
noarly as bad as a standing rebuke.
Blessed are the poor in furniture, for the.
get moved CHEAP. T. Commsrciai.
Old as the hills--the valleys between them
--Er. And the valleys are greatly depresse
about it. s ~ .,f4il4ks4l 81
The sign q Beware Of the dog !" is stuck y
that be who reads may run. -Er. Did iteve
Mrs. PariDgton says that since the inven-
ton of the needle gun there is no treason whl
the women shouldn't fight as well as the men
Many man who thinks himself great gur
is nothing more than big bore.-Bostot
Transcript. asrrE ~
This is the season 81 the year when nature
emulates art and turns her attention to sspat
terwork - Yowssrs Gazette. siisisM
~ am man of few words said Prender-
CAST. "True enough" replied Fogg, true
enough; but you never tire of repeating
them.'' 8 E 4E H
An exchange speaks Of man who " is but
one step removed from a mule" He'd better
make il three % four. The anmal has long
reacl, back ards.
People who wonder why men's hair tarr
gray before their WHISPERS should remember
that there is about twenty years difference in
their respective ages.
"Will gin sling do man: any good? +"
asks a correspondent. Yes il he sings the
gin far enough. = Cambridge Tribune.
lWoman's urites-one page Of letter and
three of postscrp,s -Boston Globe. And
they are just too awfully sweet for anything
Women P" said an expert, well, some
of them are worse than others, but none are
better" How then can you take them for
"better or worse : ~ sssg " ~ - w@
"For slunatics read ! senator's - says a
Canadian paper in explanation of typo
graphical error. What's The use of making
fuss about syponyms?-B Boston Post
Sucker--a peculiar kind Of individual with
rowing instincts, not always found at the
end of the pump handle. - Freaks. But, like
the bafnacle, attached 20 a schooner
The Nihiistic method of informing ruler
that he must go doesn't leavesth poor man
leg to stand upon.-Nor. Herald That is to
say, 1T goes to der extremiiies.. ! q + &
When married woman buys pug dog for
q low price she gets a bargain and her hus-
band gets something to boot.- Ee. And If
not teetcialer, can have his currant whine
right along.
On the order slate on the doorof carpenter
shop in this city passing pedestrian discov-
cred the following 4 Cam 70 IS Licke
store Dore to fics. R0ch. Herald. Prob
ably they only wanted the carpenter for a
spell.
Who was first into the breach +" asked
Prof. Stearns. when the class in history was
up. 1.-THE patch, said the new smart boy,
But the Professor marked him one minus aud
said no. The hole was in before the patch
A rural editor has lost faith in the luck Of
horse shoes. He nailed one over his door re-
Gently, aud that morning there came by mail
three duns aud seven steps" and "a man
called with revolver 10 ask Who wroie
that article?"
According to Josh Billings, "Pashence IL a
good thing for a man TO hav but when he
hax got SO much ov It that he kan fish all day
over the side ov boat without eny bait on
hiz hook lazyness is what's the matter with
him." af
A Philadelphia society is wrestling with the
question, "When IMAM has his life INSURED for
100000. Is his wife justified in refusing to
prepare a mustard plaster for him when he is
seized with sudden and severe attack Of
cramps?''
The Princess Louise was thirty three years
old last week. This is one Of the penalties Of
being a royal parsonage and having yonr ped.
igree recorded. Other English women born
within three months of Louise are now only
twenty. six.
A woman may be so sick all winter that she
can't wear her new bonnet TO church, but
along towards the niddi lie of April. she will
manage to crawl out of bed, turn the house
upside down aud call it "Spring cleaning -
Norristown Herald. "a kN E ~ "a
A Jerseyn,an, who attended prayer meet
ing with his daughter, felt compelled to rise
up. and rsmark II want to be good and go
to Heaven, but il those fellers don't stop
winking at Mary, here will be q good deal of
,prancing around here the first thing they
know stsse.,e ~
Recently the Rev Mr.. Willis effereu the
Lords Prayer in tho Nevada Senate After
he had finished Dooiiu leaned over to Ham
mond and remarked: " He stole that prayer
and I'll bet ON it. hea,d the same ideas ex-
pressed At Eureka at fuuer,l oyer Two years
ago. Carson City appeal
Tommy Is ogyins bitterly. Said his SYM
pathizing sister . What have they done TO
your :. Nn,hing." Did nurse scold
you?" 2. No" Did Harry strike yous "
"No." :. What, then, isthe ,naiter? y ~
feel that I'm going to be bad to-day, that's
alL'--Paris Figaro,
- You must recollect that all am telling
you happened one Thousand eight hundred
and seventy years ago" Sally" Lor'