Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-09-02
r II ~

on Second avenue last week, and before
night had borrowed tea, sugar, eggs. milk
and kerosene from as many different
neighbors. After three or four days the
new family ceased to borrow prcmiscously.
and settled down on one particular neigh
Dor. At an early hour in the morning a
small boy appeared and said
Say. we are out of tacks and want to
put down our carpet. Ma wants to know
if she can borrow few ?"
A hunt was made, and the request gran
ted; but in ten minutes the boy returned,
and said:
Say, we've mislaid our tack hammer
aud ma wants to borrow yours.
He got it, and this time it was twenty
minutes before he returned, and said:
ssSay, mas pulled all her teeth out pull
ing on that carpet. She wants to know
if you won't lend her one of your boys?''
One of the boys was sent over, but it
was an obstinate carpet, and back came
the messenger with:
'.Say, amt your husband homer"
"Yes; what do you want?''
ii.
where, and she wants to borrow yours to
to pull one end of that internal carpet
through two doors and across hail.
The line had to be fixed somewhere, and
Il was fixed here. Detroit Free Press.
I've got another, my DEAR" said Mr..
Dorkins, as be hurried into the house. ''If
you were on the top of Trinity church
spire on the back of a goose, how would
YOU get DOWN." Mrs. Dorkins thought
she'd Jump down, slide down the lightning
rod, fly down on the goose, fall down, and
then gave it up. "Why, if you wanted to
ge. down, you could pick it off the goose. :"
said Mr. Dorkins. exultantly
More trouble in Ireland,' read Mrs.
IoartingtOn. 81 wonder,'' said the old Ia
dy laying down her spectacles and blandly
regarding Ike. who was trying to tie a
hard knot on the cats tail, Il wonder that
Government doesn't incorporate that Par
nell for life and send the ring-l-aders into
Establishment, and then there wouldn't be
any more aquarium outrages.''
'You make me Think John William
said, dropping upon the sofa beside pref
ty girl, Cd Sunday evening, ''of a bank
wherein the wild thyme grows do I?''
she murmured; lit is SO nice; but t d is
pas step in the hall, and unless you can
drop out of the front window before cease
speaking, you'll have little wild time
with him, my own, for he loves you NOT
An experienced matron says: "a man
will eat .soggy biscuits twice week with
out complaint, when his best girl invites
him out to tea. But after the girl becomes
his wife, If there is the faintest indication
bors will think there is a district school
ont for recess by the racket he makes
There is an Oil City boy who was sent
out collecting, and when he retorted in
tie evening and handed in his bills unpaid,
he said: s.The people round this town
like me first rate. They were so anxious
to see me often that every man L went TO
see told me to call again"
If the nihiIists really want to fetch the
drop a banana skin on tile steps of the
winter palace. The next morning, when
Aleck rushes out to catch a street car
there will lie wild whoop, and the free
dom of Russia is assured.
Teacher of d sp cling class-First boy
nav spell foot-tub. First bov-Fo-o-t tub
"a tub To wash the feet in Teacher
Second boy may spell knee-pan. Second
bog-K-n-e-e p-a-n-a pan TO wash the
knees in. He didn't go up head.
IT is noteworthy fact that women make
tba best operators of telephone exchanges.
There is so much talking to be done that
they feel comparatively happy, and then
they occasionally hear something not in
tended for their ears. which is b|issful.
Philadelphia society is wrestling with
The question "When man has his life in
sured for 800, 900, is his wife justified in
refusing to prepare a mustard plaster for
him when he is seized with sudden and
severe attack of the cramps ?''
Out in Leadv1lle. when one is introduced
to stranger the polite thing is to ask :
ssWhat was your name before ynu came
here?" The next question. according to
to the rules of etiquette, is: How did
you manage to escaped
There is place for everything. fellow
citizens. but there isn't place for every
man. Remember that before Won start for
Washington. IF there is place for every
Ohio man. it's Just about as much as there
IF emigration to America continues to
gt, on as it has been doing lately there will
&c IN be nobody left in Europe but the
crowned heads and few old played out
bombs. aszr..,sa..s :.
.tWhat makes the stars so dim, deary?"
ss1,acause your eyes are so much brigh er.
sweet one" pressing her little hand. Yum!
Yam! Yum!
A tailor was startled the other day by
tn return Of a bill which he had sent to
an editor. with notice that the "mapu-
&c ;pt was respectfully declined
A bov will wear his teeth out BY chew
ing copper-hottomed stick of rock candy,
ard then growl because his ma doesn t
bike bread soft enough for him.
A family of Young ladies' who reside in a
neirhboring city. SO often entertain their
company on the front steps that they have
gained the title of step-sisters.