Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-01-19
FUNNYGRAPHS.

A WINTER resort-blowing on your
cold fngers.-NeaO York NeaU8.
WHEN is a lamp in bad temper?
When it's put out, course.
MOTTO for grocers -Honest tea is the
best policy.
The seasiok midshipman said they
were his middy-evil days.
A GOOD prophet-One hundred per
cent.
CANNIBALs are about the only people
that are really fond of their enemies.
LIZ call the worlds stage, tit seems
to us that the number of supernumera-
ries is out of all proportion to the stars.
-SonaerviJte Journal.
GENTLEMAN (returning from Rich
mond, driving tandem, colliding with
hansom) ".Hullo, cabby, drunk again"
Cabby (mournfully) -" So I see, sir.
WHY is the meat in your sandwichElike
the large middle class of society? Be-
cause it lies between the upper crust and
the underlined. =
LOOK not upon the picked cucumber
| when it is green, for at last it giveth it's
color to the consumer and vitriolizeth
her vitality. -Bostoa Globe.
A MAN writes to an editor for 81 "be-
cause he is so terribly short, and gets
in reply the heartless response, "Do as
do; stand up on chair. - Unidentified
Exchange.
', "WHEN vessel loses its masts, why
! do they call temporary one jury mast,
father" "I'm sure don't know" said
the father, +" unless it's mast that doesn't
amount to much"
A YOUNG man at ulion, N. Y, killed
himself the other day on account of his
impaired digestion. He wanted to show
the public he could di-jest as well as
anybody.-S. Louis Post DSspatch.
A FASHIONABLE paper says gathered
waists are very much worn" IL the men
would gather the waists carefully, and
not squeeze so like blazes they would
not be worn 30 much.-Bangor Conn
maerci1l
AN ingenious plan is on foot to widen
| the channel through the Sandy Hook bar
by forming an artificial bar. The ques-
ton is: Can they start this bar without
a regular tavern license? -Hackensn
Republican,.
A GALVESTON man, who has a mule
for sale, hearing that friend in Houston
wanted to buy mule, telegraphed him:
"Dear friend-If you are looking for
No. mule don't forget me. -Golue ston
NeeOs.
A JERsEYMAN who attended prayer
meeting with his daughter, felt COM
PEELED to rise up and remark: 81 want
to be good and go to Heaven, but If
those fellars don't stop winking at Mary
there will be good deal of prancing
around here the first thing they know"
Two Italians were standing in front of
thermometer which hung on the street
while the crowd was watching the wealth
er on it, and one of them said: "Hot
weather go up macaroni stem; cold
weather come down macaroni STEM
ST. Louis Globe-Dea,aocrat.
"WE1L, you are the biggest goose I
ever saw. exclaimed Jones to the part
ner of his joys and sorrows. And Mrs.
Jones smiled upon him with seraphic
smile as she remarked, "Oh, Jones
you are such self forgetful darling p
Boston Transcript. a
A YOUNG lady and her father were
looking at druggist, who was very
nicely balancing the delicate little scales
| on which the prescription was being
weighed. Chow precise! how fine! how
ittlei'' said the girl. Eyes said the
| father, "but he will not do so with the
BILL"
rupt of friend, "dot Schwindlemeyer
has failed in pishness ?" The reply was
in the negative, whereat the bankrupt
said enthusiastically: ST am tam glad
Schwindlemeyer was an honest man; den
dere wash too mooch competition already
in dis bankrupt pishness."
A COUNTRY girl at fashionable hotel
in New York noticed that all the guests
used their forks only In eating their pie.
Upon her return home she repO, ted the
fact to the old lady, who comforted her
by observing, "You shouldn' mind 'em.
Jemima; it's all because they're too lazy
to use their knives"
ssSEE here" said a fault-fnding hus-
band to his wife, 'swe must have things
arranged in this house 80 that we shall
know just where everything is kept"
with all my heart, she sweetly an
swered, "and let us begin with your late
hours, my love; I should dearly like to
know where they are kept" He let's
things run on as usual.
CHOW we are nicely settled p ex-
claimed a new little wife; "if we only
had cow, Harry, we could have nice
soft bed. I" "Cew ?" asked the poor hus-
band goose you mean-geese yield
feathers, you know, Mollie-geese, not
cows" eyes," said Mollie, with a
twinkle, s'but COWS give down don't they,
you stupid ?" He uttered asnort Of de-
fance and went out to chop some wood.
OLD gentleman (musicaD -'' Have you
any plane tree wood ?" Timber MGR
chant (whose hopes are raised in antici-
patton of good order these hard times)
eyes, sr-pray walk in, sir-as fine q
stock as any in town, sir. Would you
prefer it in the plank or in the-ah-
Logo" Old gentleman-"Oh, thanky',
I'm not particular. 1 want bit for
fiddle bridge. Punch.