The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1881-07-14
PAT FLANIGAN's LOGIC.

Patrick Flanagan said the distric
Attorney one day in court, stand "
and plead guilty or not guilty to tn
charge the Commonwealth hath pre-
ferred against you"
When Pat had complied with thi
polite request made by the officer o.
the law, the attorney proceed to reat
from a paper in his hand a very graph
ic description Of a certain TRANSACTION
in which Pat had been engaged 4 few
days before.
''NYhat say you? Are you guilty
or not guilty?" asked the attorney.
''Fm not guilty of half thin thing:
you've read to me, said Pat, looking
at the Court, ebut did haye bit OF
a row last Saturday was a week; an ]
dunno just what I did, fer ye see I was
stavin' drunk on the manest corn
whisky yer honor iver tasted"
"But, Patrick, we meyer taste it, u
said the Judge, while smile lurked
in ambush behind the grave judicial
countenaG ce.
Sure, now, don't We, thought" said
Pat, with look Of mingled surprise
and incredulity-"don't ye thought
Well, thin ye ought to, jist once, to
know how it acts, and to know how TO
pity fellow that does. Sure yer hon
or grants licenses. All how do ye
know the mischief yer doin to honest
men loike mesilf unless We take a drink
now and thin, jist TO see how it rnakes
a man do,
"Yho gave you the liquor, Patrick
asked the Court on a voyage of disc2v-
cry.
"WeIl, I dunno watts his
name, said Pat, toe good natured to
turn informer, while gleam Of true
native humor, twinkled in his eye.
''But I know I seed Il license
hangin behind the bar. Ye see Jedge
1 was wroughtin' for the city, on the
streets, jist close by, an l was drouglrty
an it was so handy 1 wint in an took
a drink that oughtn't to have hurt ba-
by, an in tin seconds I was crazy drunk
an dreamt that was at a Donny-
brook fair, an that's all I reminder
till mkt mornin,' when I WAS boardin'
at Sheriff Ryan's hotel"
"But," said the Court, "you are
charged with perpetrating an aggrava-
ted assault and battery Oh Mr. 5, the
hotel-keeper.
'NYell, yer honor" said Pat, ''if I
did, only gin him back little Of
watts in his own whisky; an flyer hon
or hadn't give him a license I wouldn't
bin drunk, an if I hadn't bin drunk l
wouldn't We got into the fight; an if l
hadn't We got into the fight wouldn't
have been here this mornin' yer honor
anyhow"
This process Of reasoning was quite
new to the Court. It was a self-evi-
dent truth dressed in plain clothes,
and While the law was with the court,
Pat evidently had all she logic, and
he here summed up the mischief of the
license system in a few sentences.
Scores of men are made drunk ev-
cry day, just because it is 50 easy to
obtain liquor. The law places it in
reach of every man. On the streets
of our towns and cities are hung notices
of Family liquors" ''Cool Lager, F"
ETC., to tempt the laboring man to
come in and spend for strong drink the
money that his family needs for bread.
On the path he must walk to and
from his daily occupation ho sees these
temptations on every side. The IL
censed saloon and grog shop afford him
every facility 10 become a drunkard,
His appetite renewed and kept alive
by indulgence, urges him on. There
is no obstacle IN his road 10 Tuin; on
the other hand. everything is plain and
easy by the way. What wonder, then
that the rum shops flourish while the
families Of their victims starve?