The People's vindicator. [volume] (Natchitoches, La.) 1874-1883, 1881-04-23
Old Tests.

Old Tests.
Some people are never satisfied, how
ever fortunate they may be. A nurse.
maid in the service of an English family
in Russia left her place to get married,
but had not been long welded ere she
complained to the Natchalaish Of the
district in which she was domiciled that
her husband did not love her as he
should do; and, on the official inquiring
how she knew it, replied, "Because he
never whips me-" Doubtless the dis
appointed one meant what she said, but
she might have changed her note had
her desire been gratified; like the young
wife suddenly bereaved Of a rich old
husband, who refused to believe her
dear partner could be so cruel as to
leave her, crying out: "He's ali, :,
doctor; I'm sure he's alive; tell NE,
don't you think sop This piteous ap.
peal the physician met by suggesting
the application of galvanic shock, and
Offering to apply the apparatus. 80 no,
no." exclaimed the grief-stricken
widow; "hard as it is to bear my fate,
l will have no experiments against the
law of nature; let him rest in peace!"
When it is desirable to pnt any one to
the test, there is nothing like doing so
without warning. An actor, fond OF
playing practical jokes at the expense OF
"utility'' men, heard that one of them
his particular aversion-had boosted
that if any trick was played upon him
he would turn the tables in q way that
would astonish the actor. The latter,
of course, resolved to test the booster
readiness on the first opportunity. He
did not have to aitlong for the chance.
One night, when the house was crowd
ed, the carpenters failed to get scene
ready in time, and a "dead stick" en-.
sued. Knowing his man, the stage
manager entreated the joke-loving actor
to 60 on and "gag" for a few minutes.
:. Certainly" replied he; and, seeing
the utility man at the wing, he seized
him by the wrist, and, spite of resist
ance, dragged him to the center of the
STAGE and said: "Your sister, then.
has been betrayed. Tell me the story!''
The frightened fellow had no story to
tell, to the crafty joker's deli ght.
Whether the audience in front and the
manager behind were equally pleased
the record saith not.
In golden days the Burgesses Of
Grimsby were wont to decide which
among them should be Mayor by very
odd process. Having chosen three Of
their number as eligible for the position,
they blindfolded them, tied punches Of
hay at their backs, and conducted them
to the common pond, where call
awaited their coming. He whose bunch
OF hay was first eaten by the calf wa
pronounced most worthy of the Mayor
atty, and installed into office accord
ingg.
William Thompson, the once famou.
Maori Chief, adopted shrewd method
Of deciding which of his two sons should
succeed him. As they stood before hin
a. he lay sick unto death, he suddenl,
addressed himself to the elder, saving
'Shortland, take down that gun ant
shoot the white man standing outside
the hut" The youth was about to ODE,
the order readily enough when hi:
brother interviewed with: "Why should
you kill the man? What harm has HI
done to us?" Then said the old Chief
"Yes, that is right. You have what i!
wanted-sense and discretion. 70,
will take my place when l am gone. )
And 80 the succession was settled.
"Humboldt," said "a Middlesex militi,
Captain. "is an overrated man; there il
very little in him. and he knows no NOR.
OF geography than my terrier there.
met him once at the Russian Ambassa
dor 5 at Paris, and put him to the proof
As long as he was talking OF the Ande.
and the Cordilleras, and places which
none but himself had ever heard of, hi
carried it all his own way; but the mo-
ment | put straightforward question
to him, which any schOol.boy might
have answered, he was floored. Now
Baron, said |, 'can You tell me where
Turnham Green is?' Upon my honor,
he knew no more about it than | know
about Jericho" The conclusion was a.
inevitable as that drawn by the English
carpenter working at the Vienna Exhi'
bition, Who complained to q newspape,
correspondent: "Only fancy, sir, here's
Friday-two days after the race-and
we don't know what was second and
third for the Derby yet; and they call
this here country civilized!'
Mr.. Sala says that blind man might
tell the different denominations of Rus.
sian notes by using his nose to deter.
mine their value; the rule being; the
lower the value the ''louder" the smell.
A hundred-rouble note will be redolent
Of patchouly. jockey-club. or some
equally fashionable perfume; while the
slngle-rouble note usually reeks Of tai
low or coarse tobacco.--Chan.Iers s
Journal.