The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-07-16
ar.room, haven't had a change of shirts for a


week"
"Nevcr mind appearances; nobody at the
house. My wife took the 3 T.. NJ. for an all
night with her sister in gainesville. I'll fur
nish shirt, and I've got fine bathroom IN
the house, Come, now; you haven't honored
me since married"
"Well, since the wife is away, III surrender.
! Wen have Il regular rooster night Of It,"
Jack Duncan is a bachelor, with a holy hor-
ror of women. Feminine presence paralyzes
and stultfles him.
! Here's the lnen,n showing him into the
bathroom few minutes later. There's the
bathroom all ready. Now shape up while r
go down to Joe Richards and order up one of
our old college lunches. Nobody in the house
so just splash around al pleasure"
I Biggs departed, leaving the door ajar. Jack
did not notice il in his eagerness for INNER.
sion.
He had Just tumbled out and resumed his
pantaoons when he heard footsteps approach.
ing the door. Thinking it was Biggs return
ing, he seized the freshly laundried shirt, open
ing at the back and damned his head into it.
1t came down over his face, completely blind
l folding him, and the starch battled his efforts
to tumble through Just as he commenced
straddling around with suspenders dangling,
he heard a rustic that CONCEALED his blood
81 The door sQueaked and u cherry voice said:
= Nov I've got you, Mr.. Biggs. The train
} left me, so made a call or two and came back
J I heard you playing sea hon IN the bathroom
) as | entered the house; got the buggy-whlp
and slipped up to pay you back for everiast
: ingly teasing me. Now I'm ring master, dear
hubby. More lively" And she popped her
whip IN a business way that suspended the
bachelors animation. The shirt hid his face,
and taking his silence for a spousal submls
tIcip IN tba pka sbp bppa
d Gentlemen and ladies. Mile Biggs, queen
!. of the sawdust arena, will now introduce her
, handsome and perfectly trained trick mule,
: Hubby Darling. He will walk the arena on
I hif hind feet, with head and forepaws shrouded
in a linen canopy. Come, now, Hubby! Hoop
7 La Hoop La"
l She chirped, fetching him a wipe with the
whip that made his bare feet spank the floor
like clog dancer.
Timber up, Hubby Lively, now. Up,
up, up" and she UNDERSIGNED the last cup"
with "a briar cat, making Hubby Darling skip
=, so impulsively that darlings dangling sus-
penders swithed about like donkey's tail,
and his hands dove lnstinctively to the pre-
scrvatlon of his unstayed pantaloons.
:, 81 bllndfoded Hubby Darling to prevent
= him climbing the center-pole He's the trcki-
est donkey that cavorts the magic circle The
peerless prancer of the canvas pavilion. Hoop
la! Zip she takes him. What beautiful &C
ton! Yes, fellow.countrymen, l never curry
= HIM down with anything but this silk bios
somed snapper. Hoop la! Popkerslash.)
: 81 cover his care that he may not offend the
= most fastidious they resemble cross between
mailbag and the human appendage. Hoop
' la! zip, zip) Let the golden cornet band
dish up "Fisher's hornplpe red,hot and high
ly favored, and Hubby Darling shall"
"B.b.beg your pardon madam" sputtered
=, The victim, as his head and voice shot ont of
the shirt. Then-
!, She started, stopped,
Spell-bound, amazed;
The whip she dropped
And then she raised
a Cherokee shrek,
And down she Topped.
: The terrified sufferer caught her galantly IN
his arms, just as Bigps rushed IN with;
Jack, are you drowning! Great heavens |!
-, my wife,"
Take her, Blggs. I'm tuckered out. Awk-
> war | predicament-"
Explain yourself instantly, sir! You half
dressed, my wife IN your arms! and he bris-
, tied all over like barbed wire fence.
Hold on, Blggs; I've got about all l can
, stand. Let me get my clothes on and I'll 60
where men are not martyrs. Your wife thought
Il | WIS.,"
Hubby, Darlington, that blindfod !" MUIR
INJURED the queen of the arena, half CONSCIOUS
ly.
"Hear that, sir, What's this about blind.
: told ?"
II got stuck in that confounded shirt. Your
wife took me for"
"Thc peerless prancer of the arena. Hoop
La" gaspcd the queen, rouslns little
"Merclul heaven, Hear that raving! You
; have dethroned my wife's reason. Oh you
base migrate, Don't leave this house at the
peril of your life You shall"
Dance the sawdust on his hind feet" nut
, tered the queen, convusively.
) "Nly head stuck in the shirt; she couldn't
see my face, and thought it wasyou, shrieked
/ the tortured hoarsely.
q very likely! BE man, sir. Don't shrink
from the punishment Of your treachery."
"Where am |? Is 1t a dream?' unused the
: queen, opening her optics and glarlng wildly.
II What has that villain dOne?" demanded
1 Briggs, fiercely
y She hitched on at once.
= "Oh, mercy, 1t is no dream lie did moth
I ing. Take me to my room. Oh, husband, how
could you be so careess!'
Don't go, Jack; maybe I've made zebra
Of myself; stay now TIL the fog rises" and he
I bore his wife away.
An hour later they sat around a marvellous
der. They held their sides and shrieked and
repeated the points of the episode again and
again.
4 Jack is christened Hubby Darling" He
signs for marriage felicity.
4 When Biggs wants to silence his wife, he
snaps his fingers and pipes Hoop la"-Er.
i Vennor's Predictions tor July.
To the Editor Of the Montreal Witness
SIR: The month of June, now drawing to a
close, has been very generally admitted to
have hpap rlS fhp thnr