San Marcos free press. [volume] (San Marcos, Tex.) 1877-1892, 1881-01-20

Funeral Fun.
Republicans Of Clarinda Page
Co. Iowa, held o jollification after the
election, at which ID. b, Cake, o young
Democrat, made speech which for
wit and philosophy has seldom been
excelled. On being called out Mr.
Cake demurely arose and said {:
Fellow Citizens: A man usually
attends his own funeral, but it is not
expected that he should talk o great
deal. I knew tho funeral cermonies
would go on without me, so l conclu-
ded I would bring in the body,
[Laughtor1 But it takes a great
deal Of grace to sustain man
who helps furnish the corpse for an
occasion lik this. Laughter. No
body but Democrat could do it. It
is certain thatno one but Democrat
has had chance to try it for the
last twenty years. Disappointment Is
the modern Democrats 8 birthright, and
mourning his normal condition +; they
took out patent on disaster twonty
years ago and it has never been in
fringed. The patent run out in 1876
and they have just got it renewed,
Loud Applause. Looking over the
landscape of the last twenty years !
behold acres and acres OF bursted
hopes, cords and cords Of disgrunt-
led ambitions, barrels and barrels Of
uuavailing tears, oceans and oceans
strewn with the wrecks Of phantom
ships once burdened with Democratic
delusion. Disappointment is an anchor
to the Democratic soul both sure
and steadfast. CONTINUED applause.
Leaves have one time to fall -
And flowers TO wither at the north winds
breath, g
And stars to set, but oil, o, Democrat
Thou hast all times for thine own death.
L might soy with Shylock, suffer.
ance; yea, sa6erance is the badge Of
our tribe. l could give'you 800 rea-
som; for that. A lawyer offered q
Judge sixteen reasons why his client
was not in court. First he was dead.
The Judge told him he might omit
the other fifteen. The first reason Of
my 329 is that we lacked the voters.
Laughter. You will allow me To
omit the other 328, But I could
give you more than 329 reasons Yea,
More-y letter. John Kelly did II
with his little racket. Wade Harp
tons mule broke its leg instead of It'd
neck, and Ben Hill wasn't born Q
mute. English had foreclosed hi
mortgages and we couldn't redeem
Them bl At.
'Tis the South that can supply
Solid comforts while VIC die.
| GLoud laughter. In some states
the Greenback party fell through
crack in their platform and Grip
pied us. But Democracy still lives
It's like the mule it never dies. Blu
unfortunately like the mule, while il
lives it is forever throwing its riders
| [Applause.
It bucked Greeley off and killed
him in 1872. Tilden stuck on un
til he passed under the wire, bu
there was SO much daylight betweer
him and this Democratic quadrupet
that it counted him off although hi
had his feet in the stirrups. Thil
year we got splendid send off ant
might have won, but the donkey wal
s.ric':e1 down in Indiana will
l(g) Landers. We close this chaptel
Of history with the hope the stor.
will not be continued in our next
We accept defeat the more cheerful
lily because of the magnanimous man
ner in which you take the victory
We take it every four years 1t is
standing prescription. II nigh
well be called the quadrennial ipecac
It works up before the election ant
works down as the returns come in
We thank you for the unanimous wa,
in which you have turned out to oul
funeral. We congratulate you on thu
magnificent and imposing grandeur
of the obsequies. Long continued
applause.] h
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