The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1881-07-13
MISCELLANY.
WIT AND WISDOM.


All flesh is grass, and some of It is very
green.-N.aY. Com. Ado 6ks
What is vinegar without a mother? 1t is
orphan very poor.-Bost Transcript.
1t is the green grocer who buys oleomarga-
rine for butter. -LotoeB Citizen.
The falsetto singer finds officially in Undue
ing the public to endorse his high notes--N.
O. PIC.
When the Pilgrims first landed they fell on
their knees, after which they fell on the alb
origincs.-Bosk Com. Bwttetin.
Fritz Emmett says he has signed the pledge
hundreds Of times. It's no use, however,
''All signs fail in dry weather"
A man by the name of Hash has been sent
as missionary to the cannibals under the be-
lief that the natives will not eat him IN. o.
Picayune. 2sffka tas
The Philadelphia News says: The demand
for pIanks two inches thick is now very active.
They are to DO sawed into bottoms for straw
berry boxes. 4
A Frenchman in business here advertises
that he has "chasm'' for an apprentice. He
had looked up the word Opening" in the die
tionary.-Alta California. ~ O x4Is
Miss Lilliwhite, who is about to marry, re-
marked on Memorial Day that she cou ID SYM
pathize with the brave boys in blue, having
lost her hand in an engagement Bost. Tan
script. ss
The New Haven Register says Heaven is
free. OF course the.information was obtained
through correspondent, as the Register has
no personal knowledge in the case.-Bost
Globe. .u9t4gIHI5BW g1GIGffA r.
II believe in railroads, " said Mr.. Ely, presi
dent of the New York Farmers Club, seven
if they have Jay Gould at the head, Wander
bilt in the middis and the Old Nick at the
tail end" a w \
A Turkish bath, says PucSrconsists in 60
ing to an establishment with rooms in which
the air is SO hot that you feel inclined to-live'
for the remainder Of your days oua first-elass
iceberg. ~
Doctors Disagree Some say. whisky bar
dens the brain, others sayit sofsens III Mean,
while people wishont brains win keep right
on drinking 1t, as it doesn't make an atom of
difference to them, not an atom .-RocAester
Herald.
They were at a dinner party, and he res
marked that he supposed she was fond Of
ethnology. She said she was, but she was
not very WELL and the doctor bad told her not
to eat anything for dessert bat oranges San
Francisco Chronicls
At church in Ellis county, Texas, last
Sunday, man was shot ana killed. snow
look here" said the preacher, pausing mo-
ment, 81 must insist that therelhe nofnrther
interruptions. How do you, suppose man
can go on preaching when yourannoy him in
this way Pr Western Fact.
A SO called wit was once talking to one of
our wise professors s'As for me, he said,
81 do not believe what do not understand"
ado you understand, objected the professor,
show is it that fire will soften butter, but viii
harden an egg ?' "No, sr.'' 'sYet you be-.
lieve in an omelet. o'-Frsncb Journal !,
All, now we shall Begin to read Of the muir
muring sea, of the silent sea, Of the moonlit
sea, of the restless sea, of tho unruffled sea,
and all that nerve-soothinR panacea. i It is
pleasant, yea, 1t is delightful, but it means
four dollars day and everything extra"
Do not be beguiled by it,-Neo Haven Regis,
ter. 9s@H~A ~ ts"SJ 'tJA-@
A French aristocYat who was one day pas
sing along The boulevard was approached by D.
little beggar wheA asked piteoasly; s'Give
me a penny, please, only one penny;
haven't had any dinner" "Nor have T."
murmured the aristoerat. "tWell, then, mako
1t two cents and we'll go and dine togethsr."s
French Journal.
Will our esteemed friend, the gentleman
who plays the fiuts 40 swsetly every evening
in the building opposite -thisoface, meet us
on the high bluff overlooking the jagged
Of the Hannibal and 81. Joseph bridge depot,
between two and three o'clock tomorrow
morning ?-Ransos City Timss