Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-08-03

Boston Transcript
The hardest dice to throw-prejudice
-YO"akers Gazette.
WHY is it the turnpike gate is like a
dead dogs tail? Because it stops a-wag-
gin.
SLEEPING out loud" is the latest
child definition for snoring
Siftings.
A GREAT many men are like rocking
horse. They are always on the go, but
never get ahead.
THOUGHT you took an interest in
my welfare. " said William. Ono, SIR"
replied Susan, "only in your farewell"
AN Indian never SHORES in his sleeD
until after he becomes partly civilized.
In his natural state he is even too law
to turn over in the bed.-Detroa Free
Press.
CRUELTY to to landladies: Jones. get
ting up from his dinner. in a quiet way
remarked to his landlady that he had
found everything on the table cold ex-
cept the ice cream.-BOstou advertiser.
OF all the birds known to Audubon
there is none SO popular with certain
class OF young men as the lark. In order
to have one they will stay up all night
and run the risk of terrible headache In
the morning.
1t was Boston lad who, walking one
day with his guardian, saw drunken
soldier lying in the street, and, pointing
to the recumbent figure, remarked:
" Papa, [ guess he don't belong TIC the
standing army. Brooklyn Eagle.
OIL City DERRICK: It is reported that
Anna Dickinson entered store the
other day and asked for pair of stock
lngs, whereupon the clerk, not hearing
plainly, inquired, CHOSE Anna ?" and
the ministerial looking man at the other
counter said ''Amer."
A FASHION paper tells us that s1lken
hosiery is now all the rage IN Paris,
"with insertions of portraits and medal
lions of point Lace Fancy glancing at
at your lady1ove's stockings and finding
there the portrait of some other fellow !
-Burli7agtoaa HaaOkeye.
" What are you crying about, my
lad?" said the Good Samaritan to an.
urchin who was churning both eyes with
his dirty fists. "Folks have all gone to
the country for the summer, and left me
here alone" Unfeeling parents; where
have they gone %" Mas gone to the
poorhouse, and pops gone to the peni-
Tertiary"
WHILE Brother Jonathan was in town
on the Fourth he took a ride on the
street cars. Observing that the conduc-
tor gave one of the passengers check,
Jonathan, on handing out his six cents
remarked: "Give me receipt, too,
Mr.. Conductor, or the fools up home
won't believe I really had a horse car
ride. Boston Herald.
THE following, clipped from an ex-
change, was followed by the word
&c Fact" and, therefore, you know it's a
lie: "Don't you battle p asked Mr..
Smith of Miss Jones, on the piazza OF
the West End, Long Branch. emo"
said she, 81 never battle; none of our
family ever dor "Gracious - ex-
claimed Smith, sis it possible ?''
HE father of the family examines his
watch with perplexity. 81 can't under
stand, my love- he says to his wife,
what's wrong with this watch. I guess
it wants to be cleaned" "Oh, no, pa"
replies one of his olive branches, /" 1t
can't be dirty, for baby and I were
scrubbing it all morning in the bath-tub
with the hair brush, and we used plenty
of soap"
"OH, doctor, I'm so glad you've
come. I don't know what's the matter
with Charley at all He complains of
the febrile rise in his peritoneum, and
he says his hypochondrion is all twisted
out of shape. Oh, he's an awful sick
boy, DOCTOR" CT should say. Must
have been reading the presidential bull
letins.'' The doctor leaves a seidlitz
powder and departs. -NeaU Haven Beg
lister.
AS to that very delicate question where
duty to our neighbor begins and ends,
President Gardner, of the Lime Kiln
Club, takes this safe position: "Our
dooty begins when we let his chickens
scratch up our garden, his children ride
our gate, an his dog chase our cat with
out complaint. Our dooty ends when
we have lent him hoe, shovel, spade,
ak, sugar, tea, coffee, milk an
butter, an he has forgotted dat he owes
us anythin' Began request dat we will
come ober an turn grindstun fur him to
sharpen crowbar.
MATILDA, colored servant, being told
to pack up and leave, blubbered dread
fully and refused to be comforted. The
lady of the house tried to comfort her,
telling her not to give way SO; that she
might call on her Sunday and see the
family. "Taint dat ar. [ jess can't
help bellerin'; I alters bellers when I
quits place. I has worked for some of
de lowest-down, meanest folks on Gal
weston Island, but when I comes to Leah
[ alters bellers-and de meaner dey is,
de louder I bellers. Boohoo Boohoo!'
. G0lUestO7a Nea0s.
AN amusing story is told of q lady,
Roman Catholic, who, in her last illness,
promised the priest to leave him sum
of money fer charitable uses. When
she was dying she begged the priest to
come nearer to the bedside, and gasped
out, "Father I've = given = you.
Stay" said the priest, anxious to have
,o yoonv Witnesses as pOsSible to the IN