davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
\ few facts Dot 50 generally known


4 few facts Dot 50 generally known
As they should be: A watch fitted
with a secondhand need not necessari-
Iy be secondhand watch. Doctors
generally agree about bleeding their
patients. Steam is servant that
sometimes blows up its master. An
uugrammatical judge is apt to pass an
incorrect sentence. Poachcrs who
get into preserves very. often find
themselves in pickles. Any fool can
make womaa talk, but it's hard to
make one listen. A thorn in the
bush IS worth two in the hand.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
4 New COMET DIsCoVERED.-The

A New COMET DIsCoVERED.-The
chairman Of the committee on astrcn-
omy heared deep sigh and reported
as follows: Dis committee am we'll
aBar' of de fack dat a comet has re-
Gently bin diskivered about 60,OOO,-
600 miles on de road to Heaben, an
dat it am now supposed to be ap-
prochin' de y'arth at rapid rate, but
de committee sees no speshul oc-
cashun to get excited. 1t will be a
month or so before de said comet eau
git here, an de chances an, dat de
'arth will mash it at de tust bump.
Dis committee advises de members Of
de club to git dar butes tapped, dar
oyercoats patched an dar wood hauled
up fur winter, an let de comet biz
ness take keer O. itself. "-Free Press.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

A lady wants to know why the
railroad companies do not provide,
special cars for tobacco chewers; as
we'll as for smokers. Bless your in
noeent heart tobacco-chewers are not
so particular as that An ordinary
passenger car is good enough for
them.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

An exchange gives "a recipe for
preserving the hair But what is the
use, of wasting sugar on sach stuff?
Nobody would eat such preserves. A
nan who relisbes tripe, might find a
picked chignon palatable, but We
don't believe he would take kindly to
preserved hair.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
Eynerlment has shown tha5 If

Experiment has shown tha5 II
$4,000 pounds, once applied, will
lust break q bar of iron or steel, a
stress very much less than 5O,-
900 pounds will break it if re-
peated sufficiently often. Wrought
iron will crystalline and break
easier than cast iron. 1t is we'll
known that wrought iron, sub
iected to continuous vibration,
assumes a crystalline structure,
and it's cohesive power is much
deteriorated thereby.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
False fronts Of shirts. vest and G.

False fronts Of shirts, vest and coat
are now furnished corpses by the
New York undertakes for $40;
q saving of $50 on suit. "Ain't
the deceased loss enough without
chuckirg in his clothes, too? re-
marked on Of them in defeuse Of the
sham. He computes that s5,000,0OO
were annually wasted in grave clothes,
besides being temptation to grave
robbery.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

DO you want to kill the child?' ez-
claimed gentleman as he saw boy
tip the baby out Of its carriage on the
walk. No, not quite replied the
boy; but if I can get him to bawl
loud enough, mother will take care Of
him while go and wade in the ditch
with Johnny Bracer? p
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

The section hands near Rock Rap
ids, ILL.,, discovered the bead Of a calf
protruding from snow drift the
other day. Upon shoTeling it cut the
critter proved to be alive and impe-
diately began eating. 1t belonged to
Hoval OIcson, and had been tightly
bound up by the drift for ten. days.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
Sslseteb Story.
| PORCRD CONFESSION.

It had been q suitry Gay at Fern
Island. All the afternoon the tree
boughs had dropped under the
tropic glow of the sun, the birds
had huddled silently in bowery
hooks, the cattle stood knee deep
in the delicious ripples of the lin
ped water, and Kitty Crawford,
peeping out from behind the screen
Of her Madeira vines, had watched
the party OF picknickers 60 by in
their little pony phatons and the
huge, covered wagon, not without
q sigh.
Its all very we'll to have no.
thing to do but to enjoy ones
self, but l have got the little
chickens to take care of, and the
gooseberry jam to make, and my
own blue muslin dress to iron, if |
expect to look decent in church
next Sunday. Oh, dear oh, dear!
how nice it would be if people
didn't have to work in this world ]!
There goes Matilda Emmons, in
her new lace bunting dress with
the white Lsngnedoc trimming
how pretty she looks, to be sure !
And Miss Emmons, catching a
glimpse of Kitty Crawford's vio-
let blue eyes behind the Madeira
vines, drew up her horse with a
scientific jerk Of the reins.
Kitty she cried, in sweet, i'm
perati7e tones, 'aren'tyou going z
To the picnic, do you mean ?
TO the picnic, of course
Certainly I'm not?' retorted
Kitty.
But why?' questioned Miss
Emmons.
Kitty elevated her pretty tip
tilted nose in the air.
Because, said she, I don't
choose to be looked down upon by
those naughty city girls and their
attendant CAVALIERS
sNousense = said Matilda.
You may say what you please,
returned Kitty, but | know that
Parke Cameron despises me, be-
cause have red hands, and freck-
led across the bridge Of my nose,
and because l am only a farmers
dau ghter. And I won't be de-
splsed?
You little goose!' cried Miss
EmmoDs, with goodhumored su-
periorily. Didn't he dance with
you, and no one else, last night at
the moonlight frolic?'
That's because be wanted to
amuse himself said Kitty, haught-
lly. DO you suppose | don't dis
criminate between real, genuine
respect, and the supercllious pat
ronage Of u fine gentleman who is
laughing in his sleeve all the
time? I?
And the indignant dewdrops
sparkIed on her long, curled eye,
lashes as she spoke.
You're altogether mistaken !!
cried Miss Emmons, with empha.
sis. But if you will be so wrong
headed | can't stop to argue with
you. Come! jump into the pony
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

\ reporter calls at banking house
and takes notes, and it's alt right.
Along comes auother fellow, takes
some notes aud gets jugged for five
years. This illustrates the privileges
enjoyed by the press.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

A Western young lady who has
been visiting Boston says the young
men there are so vain that they act as
if they thought they were doing you
the greatest possible favor in speaking
to you -.. ...s-.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

A droll fellow fshed a rich old
gentleman ou: Of a uillpond, and re-
fused the offer Of twenty-five cents
frou the rescued miser. oh. that's
TOO much - .ezolaired he; "tain't
worth it :" and he banded back tWen-
ty-one cents, saying calmly, as he
pocketed four cents, That's about
right" .--.-
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

4 Dutchmau who married his Sec
ond wife soon after the funeral Of the
first was visited with a two hours
screoads in token Of disapproval: He
pathetically thus 4
say, poys, you ought to be ashamed of
yourself to be making a.; dish noise
ven dcre vas funeral here so soon.'
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
.A-oN--

The new goveuess-''If you saw a
poor man starving in the street,
wouldn't you give him some Of your
pudding, Tommy? Tom@y-"Id
give him some Of yours, Miss
Smith =
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
Afectionate mother TO her SON.

A&ectionate mother TO her son.
why do you cry, JOHNNY? What has
hurt you?' Johnny (crying more
Justify than before)-sBecause I fell
iowa and hurt myself yesterday
Nother-'I esterday Then why do
YOU cry to-day?' Johnny. (baWLing at
the top Of his voice)-sOh, cause
you weren't home Yesterday
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
Copanion Devoted Literature Miscellany News Agriculture Markets. &c.
NFVRERRY s. O. WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 5, 1881.

Dredlcament before. HOW Sne
wished she had let Philo's linen
duster and broad -brimmed hat
alone!
why don't you answer me :?
demanded the deep voice, waxing
still more impatient in it's tone.
And TO add to Kitty's perpIex-
tiles, the big drops Of rain began
to patter inexorably down, and a
zig-zag streak of lightning shot
crosswisc across the threatening
sky, zone of living fire.
Discretion is the better part Of
valor,' Said our little heroine to
herself and, catching up the only
half-flled basket Of emerald fruit,
she prepared for au iguominious
fight.
But Mr.. Cameron had no notion
o. this. With a quick movement
he sprang from the hammock
aoove, and placed himself direct
lv across the narrow pathway,
thus efectually barricading all re-
treat.
'Old fellow = said he, half laug gh-
ing and halt in earnest, you shall
not stir a step from here unless
you tell me whether or not
L will go!' cried Kitty Crawford,
bursting into hystericai tears.
'You-you have no right to stop
me this way!'
If the tLunderbolts even then
mulcering through the twilight
sky had stricken him with their
electric hands, Parke Cameron
could have scarcely been more
stupi6ed and amazed.
Miss Crawford ! be excl;ti imed,
Kitty, can it be possible that this
is YOU ?-that | have committed
such an awkward blunder as
But. in the self-same Instant, he
comprehended that his suit must
be pleaded now or never-that a
cowardly lover is never a success
! ful one.
Kitty said he, still barricading g
the way: / have told you frankly
that l love you. You must be
equally outspoken with me-
'But-but it rains ! f;lltered Kit
ty, looking wildly this way or that
for somc method Of escape.
i don't care if it rains de-
lugep said Parke Cameron i
will know my faten
when We get mp to the house,
said Kitty, evaslvely.
Now insisted Cameron.
please let me get BY pleaded
Kitty.
Not until you decide one way
or the other,' said Parke.
But | have decided,' said Kit
ty, cruelty maltrcating the buttons
of Philo's linen duster in her con-
fusion.
Speak out your decision, then,
at once,' said Parke Cameron,
with an imperiousnoss that some
how didn't displease Miss Craw-
| IOrd al all.
i do love you.' blusbingly con
fessed Kitty-'that is, | think l
do
And then the rain came down
in huge cylinders Of crystal and
the lightning blazed overhead,
and Parke aud Kitty had to run
for their lives to the piazza OF the
old farm house.
There! said Kitty, / haven't t
picked my gooseberries for the
jam, after ALL
I'lI help you tomorrow said
Parke Cameron.
And, to the end of his days, he
declared that gooseberry Jam was
his favorite conserve.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

A familiar instance Of color blindness
is that Of q uan taking brown silk
umbrella and leaving green ginghaui
iu its place.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
1B0st0n Post.

oh, dear | wish Was dead +
exclaimed a neglected maiden.
She had heard that matches are
made in heaven.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

You can't play that on me !
said the piano to the amateur who
broke down on u difficult piece OF
music.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

The Utes have killed FIVE fOuray's
best horses that they might accom-
pany him to the happy hunting
eroucds.'
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
Doetrp.
g
HERE AND THERE a GEN.

HERE AND THERE a GEM.
GATHERED FOR THE n. Y. OBSERVER.
when thou hast thanked thy God for every
blessing sent,
What time will then remain for murmurs o.
lament" Archbishop Irencn.
know not if or dark or bright
Shall be my lot,
If that wherein my hopes delight
Be best or not.
It may be mine to drag for years
Tolls heavy chain;
Or day and night, my meat be tears
On bed of pain.
Dear faces may surround my hearth
With smiles and gee;
OrImay dwell alone and mirth
Be strange to me.
My bark is waited from the strand
By breath divine,
And on the helm there rest hand
Other than mine.
One who has known in storms to sail,
have on board;
Above the raging of the gale
have my Lord.
He holds me when the billowS smite;
shall not fall.
If sharp, It's short; if long, It's light;
He tempers all.
Safe to the land! safe to the land!
The end is this,
And then with Him go hand and hand
Far into bliss.
Dean Afford.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

A California man has farm OF
$4,000 acres. 1t is fortunate tor
him that be hasn't them n his
jaw.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

We have just read a handker-
chief Irritation code and advise all
men desiring to avoid breach Of
promise suits to wipe their mouths
with their coat-tails. g..
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
the
WILLIANSUy FEHlLE COLLEGE

Respectfully offers its services to those
paren;s who desire to secure for their
daughters the thorough and symmetrical
cultivation of their physical, intellectual,
and moral powers It is conducted on
what IS called the ssOnS-StuON
Plan. with SEMI ANNUAL CouESE OF
Study; and, By system Of Tu:tional Pre-
miums. its Low Rates are made sill lower
for ALL VINO average s. per cent.
No Public Exercises. No Perceptions.
r Graduation, which is always private, may
occur eight times yesr.
For full information, write for an Illus
trated Catalogue. Address
REV. S. LANDER, President,
Oct 27, 44-ly Williamson, S. G.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05

A may may be headstrong
without being strong:headed.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
ADVERTISING HATES.

Advertisements inserted al the rate q
81 90 per square zone inch) for first Insertion:
an IS cents :or c:vh subsequent inSer;'o'
D9uhc column advertisements ten per cen:
on above.
Notices OF! meetings, obituaries and tributes
OF :c>pccI, same ratC5 pei square as ordinary
advertisements.
Srrri@I Notices il Local column i c>!.:
perline.
Advertisements not marked With the nun
be- Of insertions will be Ecpt in till forbjc
and charged accordingly.
Specia! contracts made with large advc,.
tisers, with liberal deductions or above rates.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
Vol. XVII.
eEESSce(9dg52SGagS.
New Store! New Stock!

New Store! New Stock!
Having erected new aid commodious
Store on the site Of our Old Stand, our IA
cili:iea Tor conducting The Foreign aud Do
;,,cstic Fruit trade are ROW unsurpassed IN
ih.. SUu.herI Country,
The attention OF Oh: friends, ami dealers
ge:e:allv, is called to 'his t:;ct, ana also TO
our fresh supplies arriving to-day.
Toe DarcelS Northern APPLES.
80 boxes MeSsina Lemons.
25 barrels AMI halt barrels Pears
Is pkgs. Delaware "ai Concord Grapes.
2l;i barrels L, Rose Potatoes.
% Barrels Oniors.
loo barrels Northern Cahi,HgeS.
Peaches and Grapes i:t s.: every morning
by Express Z. bAK[ y w.
55, 81 and 50 Market Street,
Sep. -. 39-4n Charleston, S. c.
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-01-05
JOB PREVEESHG

DONE WITH NEATNESS AND DISPATCH
TERMS CASH.
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1881-06-15
Haudx Hints for ths Housekeepsr,

A perplexed housekeeper wants To
know what she shall do with tho tin
cans that from day TO day accumulate
about the house-fruit cans, meat cans
OF all kinds, cans, cans, and a Thousand
cans. Well. II you keep q boarding
house, you might throw them into the
street, right in front of the house, as q
bait for the homeless man seeking q
boarding house. II you have q home,
however. you might utilize the cans in
many ways.
You might take the tomato cans, fill
them with soft. rich earth. and plant
pansy seed in them, and by-and-by q
whole handful Of all sorts Of weeds
would come up. Then you could take
the can to the potteryand have the pot
ter twist a nice terra Gotta vase about 1t
so rs to completely hide the can, and
thus at a trifing expense, not over a
few dollars, you could utilize your old
tomato can rs a garden vase.
Or. you could take n lobster can. and
bore three holes at equal distances in
the sides close TO the opened end. Then
cover the can as thickly as you need
Z with the fine plastic material used in
the manufacture of cheap statuettes.
and employ some good artist to fashion
it in graceful shape and beautiful de-
signs. Then fasten bright brass chains
in the three holes and hang it in a hook
in the porch roof, and you will have q
handsome hanging basket that need
not cost you more than five dollars.
II you should break q kerosene lamp,
save tho foot OF it, and with q bit Of red
flannel and blue merino and some white
crochet cotton mako o pin cushion OF
it, stufiing tho flannel and merino out
in a large, irregularly shaped sphere,
and with the crochet cotton work ''lOUe
The giVEr," on it. Then set 1t in the
spare room on tho dresser. care being
taken to have the cushion fastened on
so loosely that 1t will cant q little to ono
side. Then, when the guest wakes up
in the night and sees that awful appari-
ton in the moonlight, he will confess
all his sins, put on his clothes hindside
foremost, and dropping himself out Of
the window, will fleo in terror into tho
Wilderness and never come back to
spoil your best pillow shams with his
bears oily head again.
1T isn't what you get" they say
down in West Virginia, shat makes
you rich. it's what you save" A few
cents saved here and there in household
expenses are not noticed at the time.
but by the end of the year they aggro-
gate enough to pay the interest on o
secondhand hoe; and il the newspaper
instructions in domestic economy arc
faithfully followed out, the careful
housekeeper will in the course of q year
spend enough to pay for q steam
thresher.
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1881-06-15

ONE OF the most destructive storms
that ever visited central Iowa, swept
through Sunday afternoon and evening.
Hail stones the size of goose eggs fell,
breaking glass, killing live stock, birds,
poultry and game. At Des Moines the
Baptist church was struck by lightning
and the roof burned; half "a dozen
houses were blown away. At Rising
Sun, a man named Erickson, his wife
and baby were blown a quarter Of a
mile; Mrs. Erickson's mind is badly
affected by the shock. John Walters
house was demolished and u baby killed.
In Grant township a child of Douglass
Johnson was killed. The crops have
been beaten to the ground. In Casey
one house was blown away and many
others demolished. There is six inches
Of hail on the ground. Robert Trow-
bridge and Herman Rathburn were
killed by lightning three miles north of
Extra, while in a wagon. One man
lost every hill of corn in thirty acres by
the wind.
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1881-06-15
sbs Ran After e Policeman.

.'Iiit's jess as ] told you, jedge. !
has bit her wild a club or sumfin' else,
somewhat or udder, more dan q hun.
bred times, and she nebber ran after q
policeman before. no matter how much
j mauled her; so you see ! he'd perfec'
confidence in her. Yesterday i was
gibbin' her de usual beatin' wild q skill
LEI. when she sot up a howl and ran af-
ter n policeman, jedge. did not
'spect her 10 do dat ar, so you see,
iaigc, sho has deceived me de worst
kind. | is a ruined husband. l has
been betrayed by my wife. She huff
me and ran after a policeman" and he
sighed like a horse with the heayes.
why" said the astonished Recorder.
''has anybody in Galveston interfered
with your domestic affairspn
"Hain't / done told yer. jedgc, she
deceived me by runnin' after a police
man when l was wollopin' herp"
II fine you ten dollarsl' roared the
Recorder.
As that same policeman led Jim of.
the latter said reproachfully TO his
abused wife: you see now. Belindy.
how you has bust up de family by rum
min after a policeman, don't yer?"
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1881-06-15

tidn al RoSk, on the general assembly
of the northern Presbyterian church,
remarks: The subject of fraternal re-
lstions with the southern church is
taking 3 new turn. Brethren from
that section say that between two
branches of the church is q gap which
the willy Congregationalists ara enter
ing, and capturing some very good
Presbyterian churches, who have be-
come d~isaffected, If anything will
bring the ofish Presbyterian brethren
to terms, it viii be such practical evil
dences of their folly in standing apart
The Congregationalists are an excel
lent people, but Presbyterians don't
want them to profit by their blunders
and SINS"
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1881-06-15

An eminent pianist, having suffered
much from the irrepressible converse
ton of drawing-room audiences. do
vised, the other day. q means OF giving
o littlo lesson TO the town. He ar
ranged with his violin. his violincello
and the rest that the music should CONF
to a sudden stop in the midst Of the
loudest passage Of the piece. at a given
signal from him. 1t was done. The
bawling and shouting voices were left.
in the twinkling of an eye. high and
dry. ms it were, upon q shore Of silence.
Joyous, clear and distinct above them
all, arose from tho foremost seats the
voice of a ladyl And these words were
ringing upon the startled air, I'VE al
ways try ours in lard"
Victor Hugo. on the 79th anniver-
sary Of his birth, stood at an open win
dow at his residence in Paris for six
hours to receive tho s~alutations OF his
friends. 1t Il said that 100000 people
passed, as 1t were, in review before him,
throwing flowers and laurel wreaths at
his feet. No hnman being eve had
such an ovation before. OF course he
made q speech: 81 salute Paris. 1 sa-
Lutte this Immense city. salute It, not
In my OWL name, for i am nothing; but
In the name of everything that lives,
reasons, thinks, loves and hopes here
below"-and much moro Of tho Same
gush, which sounds well enough to
French ears, but Is o bit boshy to Amer
loan ears.
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1881-06-15
L pILEsl PILEst
A Sure Cure Found at Last. No One
Need Suffer.

-
A sure cure for the Blind, Bleeding,
Itching and liberated Piles has been
discovered by DIR. Williams ian Indian
remedy, called DIR. Williams Indian
Ointment. A single box has cured the
worst chronic cases of twenty-five and
thirty years. standing. No one need
suffer five minutes after applying this
wonderful soothing medicine. Lotions,
instruments and electuaries do more
harm than good. Williams Ointment
absorbs the tumors, allays the intense
itching particularly at night after get
ting warm in bed), acts as a poultice,
gives instant and painless ralief, and is
prepared only for the piles, itching of
the private parts, and nothing else.
Read what the Hon. j. NJ. Coffinber-
ry, of Cleveland, says about DIR. Will
liams' Indian Pile Ointment: / have
used scores of pile cures, and it affords
me pleasure to say that / have never
found anything which gave such imme-
diate and permanent relief as DIR.
Willinms' Indian Pile Ointment.
For sale by all Druggists, or mailed
on receipt Of price.
FRANK S. HENRY, Il Co.. Props,
Cleveland, Ohio.
BE sure and ask for Williams Pile
Ointment, and take no other.
For sale by Addoms & Glover.
may7-daw1y