Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1881-06-18

INC aBARxKlPER; A SCIENTIFIC LAY.
1t was q lordly barkeeper
With a headlight diamond pin;
1t was two early customers
To the bar that sauntsred In
And bads him make. their thirst to slake,
Two fzzes of the gin.
doctor, the senior cried,
"Your scientific skill know,
But am not satisfied.
Sc marvellous appear the deeds
In this mornings papers written
You should not be surprised ifI
With unbelief am smtten.''
Professor. - his companion said.
s.What at the institute
did, as in the press you've read,
Before your eyes pll dot.
This gentleman behind the bar,
Yourself, or any one
You say tJack Robinson.'
Select upon yon crowded street
The first man passes by
And If do not bring him in
By the magic of my eye,
And If Lido not make him do
Whatever thing I will
Call me, and Beard, and Hammond frauds,
And take from me this BILL
From out his poeketbook he drew
gresnback crisp marked C.
Aid gave it to the barkeeper-
DO thou be referee"
"There, doctor,D the professor said
"Aeross the street behold
That decorOus country clergyman
With spectacles Of gold.
Him ii you hypnotize and lead
A captive to your will
I will restore, with hundred more.
Your hundred-dollar bill.'
"Ope wide the door," the doctor said,
"For iron. wood and glass
Are obstacles that went allow
NV OdiC Force to DN68.
Good Now with passes two or three
get hum en- rapport:
Stranger, bid thee come to me-
Approach the fated dosr ~
And ere another pass was made
The country clergyman.
As one that strives with sleep. his hand
Across his forehead ran.
And then. by Odlc Force controlled
As tides obey the moon,
Across the noiPy crossing strAlled
And entered the saloon.
"Aere," said the doctor, sis your man
He deth not hear nor see;
He knoweth not what place he's In,
Nor his oWn identity.
Ne doubtless Is temperance man.
Behold him call fer gin;
List, he upbraIds the barkeepsr
Fer putting bitters In ~
(The barkeeper at his customer queer
How he did mock and grin y
HE pays 1t with trade dollar;
Let us pur. ue our pranks
John, give him just thres pennies change
he pockets them with thanks l''
Regardless of the tall new hat
The country parson wore,
He made him turn sOmersauit
On the sawdusted floor.
Re chilled him with y burning match,
And scalded him with ice,
And set him like a cat to watch
A hole for unreal mice
And ut each freak the barkeepsr
A lusty laugh would roar,
And hug himself with ecstasy
Until his sides were sore.
II make him now barkesper,"
And US the word he spake
The parson went behind the bar
And gan the ice to break.
The doctor bade him mix drink
He mixed the drink with skill
And put ten cents into his pouch
And five into the till.
''Wondrous ~ the good professor cried
''Thus do We plainly see
How Esen may oft crime commit
Though quite unconsciously ~
'That worthy rural slerRyman,o
The doctor made reply.
''Shall instantaneousiy commit
An act Of larceny.
Wen make HIM empty out the till,
That there behind the bar Is,
His pockets we will make him fill
With fifteen-cent cigars.
Well make him steal the bsrksepsr's hat,
And leave his golden specs,
Then wake him, and I'll warrant that
The scene will him perplex.
There will not be in the country wide
So surprised q dominic ~
And the barkeepsr he clapped his hands
And fairly yelled with giee.
They make the parson steal the cash
From the till that behind the bar is,
They make him I'LL his pockets with
The 1fteen-cent cigars.
They make him take barkeeper's hat
And move toward the door,
And like fash he OF doth dash
And they do not see him more
80, doctor ~ the professor cried,
Hes unhypnetiLed too soon.
Let's catch him /" and away they hled
Forth out of the saloon.
Forth out of the saloon they fed,
Twisting with dsxterous grace
stick in the handle Of the door
So that they might know the place.
Aud long before the barkeeper
Could get the handle free
They had ta' en- an elevated train
And reached the Battery,
And the simple rural clergyman
Was In their company.