Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1881-03-28

A gentleman who is fond Of horses at
tended church recently where there is
somewhat prolonged service before they
come to the sermon. Chow were you
pleased with the services?" asked friend.
"Oh, very much, though it did strike me
that there was good deal Of scoring be-
fore they got off,"
A little boy who was to pass the after
noon with neighbor's little daughter was
given two pieces Of candy. When he re-
turned his mother inquired if he gave the
larger piece to the little girl. ''No, moth
er, didn't. You told me always to give
the biggest piece to company, and was
company over there"
There is a marble lamb on the tomb
stone Of an old Galvestonian, and when
an old friend saw it for the first time he
exclaimed: Chow appropriated" "Was
he Of a gentle disposition?" 'Whew! 1
guess not. He would shoot in minute,
but he always over-fed himself on spring
lamb and green peas. That's what killed
him, reckon"
1t is mighty embarrassing to man who
has some religious friends staying with
him to have his dog, which has been very
quiet during the week days, begin right
after breakfast Sunday to run to the gun
in the corner and turn to his master and
wag his tail, and then run back to the
gun again. Beekman will keep his dog
chained hereafter.
A witty old American judge, who had
spent an evening with young lawyer in
the country whose office was on the sec
ond floor, on his departure stumbled on
the stairs and fell to the bottom. The
young lawyer hearing the noise rushed
out and, seeing the judge lying ON his
back at the bottom of the stairs, fastened
down and with great anxiety asked: rs
your honor hurt?" ''No," said the Judge
scrambling to his feet, "but my legs are. !"
"Mr. O'Rafferty," said the Galveston
Recorder, ''the witnesses all say you
kicked the gentleman and called him all
manner Of vile names" IT don't know
what happened, your honor. If 1 did that
l am very sorry indade." eyes, you
ought to regret it very much" ''I do,
indade. 1t is wild me own families that l
take such liberties, and if l have been
treatin' such an ill-favored scoundrel as
| if he was q mamhar of mo o1vD family TIL
regret it to the last day of me life, 1 will. -
A young man had his girl out riding in
a no-top buggy the other afternoon. In
one pocket he carried bottle of spirits
of ammonia for the headache, and in
another he had bottle of cologne, just
| purchased. As they were riding along
he asked her to take smell of his new
perfumery, but unfortunately placed the
wrong bottle to her nose. She took a
wholesale sniff, and remarked: s'Gugug-
ugug-huh- and went over out OF
the carriage backwards, and for an instant
the air in the rear of the buggy was filled
with striped stockings, high-heeled shoes
| OAA4S' - NiAO>AS eAuo oO AOI III. DIX
escaped serious injury, but she hasn't
spoken to the young man since Some
girls get angry at the least little thing.
Itching Piles-Symptoms and Cure
The symptoms are moisture. like per
spiration, intense itching, increased by
scratching, very distressing, particularly
at night, as if pin worms were crawling
in and about the rectum; the private part:
are sometimes affected; if allowed to con
tinue very serious results may follow
CDR. SwAYNE's ALL-HEALING OINTMENT
is pleasant sure cure. Also for letter
itch, salt rheum, scald head, erysipelas
BARRIERS itch, blotches, all scaly, crusty
cutaneous eruptions. Price so cents.
boxes for S1.25. Sent by mail to any ad
dress on receipt of price in currency, o
three cent postage stamps. Prepared onl
by DIR. Swayne & Son, $50 North Sixth ST.
I1;1o 1I,~Exi Do Lott zo1,r%