The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-05-24
I'll Take q Gross.


While the proprietor of the Maison
Doree, New York, was standing behind the
counter the other day, catching flies fol
currant cake, and wishing that a little of
the business wave that the Eastern papors
say 80 much about would slop over into his
restaurant, as it were. a young man, with
bcaming smile on his face and a big box
| under his arm entered.
"Don' t want any slccve-buttons, no1
notmn'," growlcd the dyspepsia distributor,
| glancing at the box.
"No, nor l." said the stranger, affably,
dcpositing the box on the counter, and re-
moving the lid "But what you do want
ID the greatest invention of recorded time
the restaurant keepers fricnd--the board
ing house keepers salvationl"
'Roach poison2" said the steak strctchcr
contcmptuously.
mo, sir retortcd the young man, TAX
ing handful of singularly- shaped objects
out OF The box. ''Somcthing that beats the
phonograph and the telephone all hollow
L refer to the s'Skldmore chop"
"What's that2"
why, it's the most economical device
OF modern times, and III prove it right
mere. Suppose you are serving dinner to
say dozcn pclsons2 Now, how many
chops DO YOU usually put OH the tablet"
Weil, about two apiece. say twelve"
And how many arc caten?"
"luml about FOUR
"EXactly-that is about the average, as
our restaurant statistics show. AS a mat
Ter Oh course, however, you arc compelled
10 COOK three times rs much as you need to
make show. Now, if you could save six
chops every dinner for year 1t would
amount to-"
"a fortune" said the man of outlets ca
gerly. "All we can do with 'cm now Is to
work 'cm over into hashcs.''
Peace TO your hashes," SAID the agent:
all this rulnous waste is now prevented
ny the Introduction of some dish of the
patent Skidmolc lndcstrucllble Rubber
Chop, put up in packages of one dozen,
and warranted for five years, aud the
tood economlzcr exhibited some life-lkc
limitations Of cooked mutton chops.
Looks like good scheme" said the
conductor of stews, thoughtfulIy; "but
don't the customer ever"
''Ever tumbIe2 Not III the least. He
only notices that one chop Is tougher than
the other, ana finally get his fork in and
chcws ahead. The smaller ones come
big her, as they are made of a little more
Timber article of rubber, for lamb chops.
Can't be told from the genuine by the
naked eye. all you have to do is to grease
'em on both sides. warm 'cm up a little,
and serve them mixed in with tho others
same as usual"
''Scems like thoy arc about as tender rs
the regulation kind, said the restaurantcr,
.jabbing one with fork. "Don't they
ever get eaten by mistakc2"
'No-no-that is, not now. We did
lose n few thnt -.~s- -..i.-- :-.-- 49, Il, L...
now thnt un mnRn tho mo nrial tN,,rhn"s :.
don't happen any more unless they will
swallow them whole. Why, here's a'spccl-
men that's been in use in Chicago eating
saloon there for years, night and day, and
you can't see the first tooth print III it yet.
"fhat settles it, said the restaurantcr,
I'll take gross"
II thought you would" said the chop
agent rs he took down the order and en-
phatlcally declined an invitation for some
lunch. 81 will drop around in a few days
and show you samples of some soft. white
rubber Holsters we arc getting up espec-
tally for the country trade-makc the best
article of indestructiblc salad ever known"
and he shouldered his box and walked Off
In In Of oil I,x;,,t 80 o1