The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1881-10-30
HUMOROUS.

AN Qnkonwn man Was struck beloE
the Wolen mills at Warren yesterdR,
noon, and badly injured .-Bostol
Gtoos. Send for DR.. Bliss at once Il
probe the wound. Injuries below th,
WOODEN mills are very dangerous.-
Ne10 York Grdphic. ''9lT ~ ~
A boy in country school va.
reading the following sentence: "The
Lighthouse is landmark by day and
a beacon By night" and ne rendered
it thus: "The lighthouse is landl, r(t
by day and deacon by night. p
Chicago Tribune. a
Timelon comes home with a ha
that sinks do6n to his nose. His wife
is horrifed. "Bnt that thing don't
fit you at all my dear" know it
don't, and I told the halter so. But
be showed me his gold-medsl. and
what could do?"-Erensh Foolish.
ness.
Instructor in Latin.-Miss B., of
what was Ceres the Goddess? Miss
B.-She vas the goddess of marriage.
InsIructor-Oh, no; of agriculture.
Miss B. looking perplexed)-Why
I'm sure my book says she was the
goddess OF hus5andry. Harvard Id.
yoeate. tf ~ l-.a
A Connecticut pastor declined an
of 500 to his salary, for
he reason, among others, that the
hardest part OF his labors, heretofore,
lad been the collection of his salary.
md it would kill him to try to collect
800 more.-P4sladelpAia Neacs.
The London PLliMaU GAZETTE. says
ne United States is "the most power
al na.iou in the world" The editor of |
ne Gazette has evidently had
.limpse Of our navy. We thought |
hat would strike terror to the Britis h /
oui.-NOrriSt01V1I Herald.
you are on the wrong tack" said
be pilots wife, when the hardy son
# the loud-sounding sea sat down on |
and arose with the usual excIama-
ions. mo" he replied, after q
ritical examination, "I'm on the
light tack, but shoot me dead if I |
int on the wrong end OF it.-Bur-
ingtOn Hatckeys.
II think, husband" said New
haven lady this morning, "that it is
bout time Charles had little more
put upon him. I am afraid
70 smokes" "Dare cay. Let's see.
e is seven next February. Well |
I'LL see to him. He certainly ought
ct to smke before he is eight. -
TeaV RareH Register.
A western coronor's jury returned
verdict that the deceased came to
is death from exposure. "What do
on mean by that?" asked relative
the dead man. There are two
ulIet holes in bis skull" Gust So"
epIied the coroner. she died from
zposure to bullets.-Neag York
rdpbic. ...
Said the teacher; "Aud it came to
ss, when King Hezekiah heard it,
at be rent his clothes. Now, what
es that mean. children, be rent his
othes?" Up went q little hand.
Well, il you know, tell u.s."
Please, ms'am," said the child,
mildly, Il s'pose be hired 'em .
t."-Nea0 York Erentng Post.
THE lurid flames shot their red
lgues Of fire high up towards the 4
owing heavens, as if they we're, in 4
Ell vengeful fury. endeaYoring to 1
Ar the bright faces of the sWinklipg
RS in!' It was only u $50 stable,
1taining $25 worth of bay. but the
porter felt that way and really
lldn't help it.-OI City Derrick.
'stoie any chickens dis week.
ldder Jenes?" sad q searching 4
So leader to a member OF suspi-
usly thieving procliVities. "No,
I-tank de lor." "You'se done
i, " said the leader, and passed on,
lie "Brudder Jones" turns to
1udder Brown" and whispers:
ucky he said chickens; if he'd
| ducks he'd had me shahI"-New
cans Times.