Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-05-14
WIT AND WISDOM.

1T IS A cold spring when a frog Jumps
into well.
THE present session of the Senate is
something extra.
A NET that many are anxious to get
into-The Cabinet.
THE land speculator is always ready
to show the sites to his customers.
THE reason the female sex is so fond
of ribbons is doubtless because Eve was
made of rib-bone.
BRING out my nice white linen pants.
And wash away the stain
l want to sit on rotten logs
And the green, green grass again.
Our forefathers could not harbor the
idea of paying taxes on their tea, so they
compromised the matter by harboring
the tea.
THE mad dog which jumped over a
six foot fence to bite a mans leg must
have felt terribly mortified and disguised
when he found that it was wooden.
TIE her head up in towel,
Let her put on fathers blouse;
Send the children in the country
Mamma ready to clean house.
"THE failure of one man, ;" says pro-
found philosopher, 'is the opportunity
of another" 1t is the opportunity Of
the assignee, and don't you forget it.
He doesn't, you bet.
"OH, LORD" prayed a Methodist
minister, "keep me humble and poor.
''Oh, Lord, if Thou wilt keep him hum,
ble," said the deacon, who next prayed
we will keep him poor.
HENRY A. WISE, of Virginia, is said
to have been the author of the phrase,
"The Office seeks the man, not the man
the office" Add his name to the list of
American authors of fiction.
"OH, GIVE me anything made Of
BEANS" exclaimed Boston man, taken
sick in the West, when asked what he
would have to eat. They obeyed his
request. They gave him castor oil.
MIR. VANDERBILT bought So, ZOO, 900
more of Government bonds the other
day. If William continues to keep up
his HEX, the man that sells him scissors
to clip coupons with will become opu-
lent.
THE man who knows the most is not
an owing man. Man is like carpet
when he is kept down by tax. Man is
like pin; the size of the head does not
indicate how sharp and pointed he may
be- Whitehall Times.
A MAD-DoG scare in an Arkansas town
resulted in the immediate execution OF
two hundred healthy dogs. In the
meantime the original mad dog, having
swallowed the bone that was choking
him, went around wondering what they
were killing all the dogs for.
SPECIMENS of the mephitic plant
known as skunk's cabbage are sold In
the streets of New York under the at
tractIve name of California lilies, and
they smell so much better than the
streets that there is qIite a demand
for them. Anything is welcome as
change.
THE Earl of Desart is to be married to
Miss Bischoffsheim, the daughter
of the Hebrew financier, who will
bring him a dowry of S725, 600 and
as much more at the death of her
father. Just think of so much sweet
ness wasted on the Desart heir
THE good old lady kept private
bottle, though none of the family knew
it. One evening her daughter spied the
bottle and had the curiosity to draw the
cork and apply her nose to the aper-
ture. at which moment the old lady hove
in sight and angrily demanded: "Well,
are you any wiser than you were? What
do you suppose it is? ?" 81 don't know
what it is, mamma" answered the shrink
ing maiden, "but it smells just like Char
lies moustache."
1T WAS very considerate of Judge
Parker of Indiana to do an act of cour-
tesy to a yonng lady during recent
trial. The case was clear and he was
about to give his decision, when he
noticed the daughter of one of the par
ties, and requested her to come forward,
take the stand, and be sworn. BE
asked her few unimportant questions,
and gave his decision. AT dinner, after
ward, one of the counsel asked if it was
necessary that the young girl should
testify. "Well, no." said the Judge,
smiling; 'but I saw that she had a new
bonnet, and was striving to show it, and
1 concluded to give her better oppor
tunity by putting her on the stand"