The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-11-25
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

AMAN may have tenants and yet have
no payments.
THE concern that always makes money
the mint
THERE is divorceity of opinion be-
tween many men and their wives.
THE child never sees the necessity OF
strict obedience until it becomes APP
parent.
A MAN can possibly have no affection
for rheumatism, and yet he will do al
most anything for it.
A MAN never feels poor when he has a
ten-dollar bill to wrap on the outside Of
his roll Of ones. -Lo,UeU Citizen.
FAIR umpire at lawn tennis-"On
keep your head, Mr.. Jones, and you are
sure to have soft thing"
AN OBSERVING laundryman has dis
covered that the time for him to
catch soft water is when it is raining
hard
The Philadelphia Chronicle Herald
thinks that Eve was giddy young thing
because she got married when she was a
day old.
"AN' THAT'S the pillar of Hercules ?"
she said, adjusting her silver spectacles.
Gracious, what's the rest of his bed
clothes ike?"
''BIND up my wounds, bring me an
other piece of stovepipe and let the bat
tie proceed Charge, tinker; charge
On, stovepipe, on p
"WHAT is right in the concrete may
be left in the abstract" remarked senior
Alley as he pulled his foot out of his
shoe and left that article sticking to the
new-pade pavement.
The worst "spell" of the season comes
from Dakota postmaster, who ac-
knowledged the receipt of a package OF
postal cards from the Holyoke factory,
in these words: Received the pac.
akichitch."
"No man was ever elected President
who was born in city. And yet, de.
spite this fact, boys continue to be borr
in cities. They evidently don't aspire
to the Presidency. They prefer to be.
come members of baseball clubs"
A FRENoHMAN learning the English
language complained of the irregularity
of the verb "to CO." the present tense
Of which some wag had written out fol
him as follows: 81 go; thou startest
he departs we lay tracks; you cut
sticks thou absquatulate or skedad-
de-"
"VEL1 mein frent," said an old Jew
in London who, after having recovered
from fit which, it was thought, would
terminate in death, saw crucifx that
had been thrust in his face by a pious
Catholic summoned to assist him home,
81 can lend you only two shillings or
it"
A WESTERN Coroner's jury returned 2
verdict that the deceased came to his
death from exposure. "What do you
mean by that? ?" asked a relative of the
dead man. "There are two bullet holes
in his skull" "Just so, replied the
Coroner, she died from exposure tc
bullets"
He WAS wealthy but penurious, and
this is what he said to the sutton for his
daughters hand: 8" Yes, you can have
her. But you must elope with her. /
can afford the expense OF swell we'd
ding, and the romance of the elopement
will make up for the lack of show anc
we'll save $500 on expenses. Go it,
Boston Post.
"I MAINTAIN" cried Mr.. Quillhopper,
excitedly, "that no man has been in
such horrible predieament that he
could not be in a worse one. "That's
all nonsense" answered the blonde
young man; "a relative of mine was
once on the sea in an open boat for ten
days with nothing to eat; on the
eleventh day he was SO hungry he had
to eat his own shoes what could be
worse than that?" "Well," said Mr..
O., slowly, che might have had to cal
some one else'sw The blonde young
rril4od