Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1881-12-01
PUNGRNT PARAGR iPHS.

A Dightgown is nothing but a nap
sack.
1t takes the butcher 10 make both
ends meet.
The man who was itching for Office
was elected, but it was by a scratch.
The bootblack is an afTectionate little
fellow. He takes . shine to almost
everybody.
Poles may not be proud at home, but
they are getting "stuck mp" all over
this country.
A good suggestion is like the crying
baby at public meeting; it ought to
be carried out.
Every man cannot be q florist, but
last summer proved that every man may
have a hot house.
The acme of politeness was reached
by the Nevada mining superintendent
who posted placard reading: Please
do not tumble down the shaft"
Somebody observes tha. when six
young ladies' sit down to talk about a
new dress pattern a small boy with
tin horn is a refuge for the weary.
"Ah, doctor, back from the Adiron.
dacks? What luck did you hAve7"
"No luck," growled the doctor; 81 was
there for week, and / never killed
thing"
James Parton has named his son Vic
tor Hugo. This viii be grand thing
for the boy il he should hate literature
and go into the lard and iAllow business
when be is q man.
a Western preacher declined au adj
dition Of 800 TO his falary for the rea-
son, among others, that the hardest
part Of his labors heretofore had been
the collection of his salary, and II would
kill him 10 try to collect 800 mors.
"0h, that / we're Wilkie ColIinsr
cried lazy Jim. 4" And what do you
want to be Collins for?7 chimed the
other fellows. Because" yawned
Jim, bis physicians have ordered him
to abstain from all work for six months"
A little girl went timidly into shop
the other day, and asked the shopman
how many shoestrings she could get for
penny. "How long do You want
them ?. he asked. "I want them to
keep" was the answer in q tine Of
slight surprise.
A New York man spent twenty eight
years trying to teach cats TO talk, and
four died under his treatment during
that time. He was heartless lunatic.
aud should have learned wisdom Of the
cat. II is q very poor cat that can't
teach a man to say things at l:3O a. n.
that he would never think Of during
business hours.
There, believe everything is 10 my
mind" said housewife as she busted
the last heck of dust from the bric-a.
brac on the mantel. "Then you can
think Of absolutely nothing to add to
the completeness of the householdT'
inquired her husband. "No-o-o. Moth
ing. Except perhaps 3 wealthier hus-
band" And they hadn't but Just begun
housekeeping.
Let the dear kitten ont of the bag:
George, aged four years, was playing
with his toys when his cousin Mary, Of
sweet eighteen, seized him and gave
him kiss. George broke away, cry
ing ont; Sauce-box r. "oh. fie," said
his mother, "Georgie mustn't say that"
George: That's what Cousin Mary
sAid herself TO that Ellington man last
night when he kissed her"
Two men disputed about their powers
of endurance. and one said testify 20
the other: CT bet you that | can hold
my legs in boiling water longer than
you can" "Done," said the other, and
the steaming water was brought. In
went the legs, No. with an air Of def
ance. No. 2 with. an edifying serenity.
NO. began 10 vince. No. 2 called
calmly for the newspaper. No. began
to find IL intclerable. No. smiled at
the humor Of the paper. "Tn heavens
name Y az last exclaimed No. !, ex-
asperated by the heat Of the water and
the coolness OF his antagonist. "what
is yuur leg made ofY' Wood" sen-
teatiounly replied tho other.