davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08
District Government Notes.

Thomas Robinson, book agent, and q.
A. b. Boyd, produce dealer, were licensed
to-day.
There were ninety three deaths, fifty
nine births and eight marriages in the city
during the past week.
The Commissioners are making prepa-
tions for opening bids for large amount of
street improving in Georgetown.
The Inspector of Buildings has ordered
that a dilapidatcd stable at Fourteenth and
Boundary streets shall be removed within
ten days from date.
"A request Of ID. II. Frizzell that he be
allowed to move frame building from Sec
Ond to Fourth and III streets has been re-
fused by the Commissioners.
The Health Officer recommends to the
Commissioners that flow of water be oc-
casionally turned into the catch-basins"
at street corners to cleanse and purify them.
w. III. Mohler has been awarded the
contract for grading aud graveling New
York avenue and p. Maloney for paving
portions of Thirty-first and n streets, in
Georgetown.
The Commissioners to-day notified the
Engineer Department that they should fix
a day for opening bids for grading and
graveling Twenty street. from NJ to
p streets northwest.
The following schooners arrived yes.
terday at the wharves: Kitty Ann, Fly
ing Scud, Maud Leonard, Richard Lacy,
Mount Vernon and Ann Elizabeth; the car
goes consisted of wood and coal.
Complaints that the regulations requir-
ing pavements to be kept clear of all
distractions are disregarded in the neighbor-
hood of Thirty-frst and n streets have
been received by the Commissioners.
The Water Registrar received a letter
this morning signed by a number of resi-
dents of Capitol Hill, stating that on Tues
day, when the Departments were closed,
the water supply was abundant in their
houses.
The Board of Fire Commissioners met
last night Thomas l.. Hume, the newly
appointed Commissioner was present. The
monthly report of Chief CrOnin was sub
mitted and he was granted ten days leave
of absence.
I'm reply to letter from J. Abrahami
ct al, complaining of frame shanty and Of
the Adams Express Company's building
near the Baltimore & Ohio depot, the Com
missioners replied to-day that both build
ings had been condemned, and would be
pulled down within thirty days
Major Morgan has made complete in
spection of the reformatories of New York
Brooklyn and Philadelphia. He is now in
Boston visiting the institutions there and
the mechanical fair now in progress, where
machinery adapted TO shoe making and
other industries to be taught in the District
Reform School. is e~'h''
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08
The Assassin's Correspondence.

Among Guiteau's mail to-day was tho
following acrostic from Baltimore:
Git the gone, Charlie, git the gone,
Until thou cnnst no longer run;
Insure your life, as you go along,
To keep thy carcass from hanging on;
Eight feet lamp-posts for to pawn,
And If you see one who will mourn
II mn, bet your life Old Charities gone.
--DaIdB Man, n. X, (komtkdf Eoonl.
Dash" from Danville, Va, writes:
Cant you get crack at the President
of the b. & o. r. r., for the way he acted
in regard to the Va. NJ X. r.? If you will
haul him over the Goals I'll send you a
hottie of -
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08


The recent improvements in the organiza-
ton of the Russian army have extended to
the food as we'll as to the arms and disci-
pline of It's soldiers, and the days rations of
a Russian private of 1881, rough as 1t is,
would have been thought absolute lux
ury by his halfstarved predecessor of
the last generation. The farinaceous
ration in time of war is little over two
pounds of hard black biscuit per day in
peace, it is the same amount of wheat or
barley -four and buckwheat Cruel the
latter being much esteemed by the Russian
peasantry. Four days in the week (the
other three being fasts by the rules of
the Greek Church) each man receives half
II pound Of meat per day, exclusive of bone,
with certain amount of tea, vegetables,
spirits, etc. Few men are so independent
of supplies as the ordinary Russian. The
military annals Of the Circassian war have
preserved the fame of regiment which
tasted for three days and fought battle
on the fourth. A still more curious instance
occurred during SuvorOff7s Swiss campaign
in 1893. When the half-starved Russians
poured into the village Of Andcrmat, of
whose famous cheese they had heard so
many stories, their first proceeding was to
devOur the contents of large store filled
with what they supposed to be tho dainty
in question, and then falling upon the
French they beat them back across the
Reuss. When Suvoroff, after the battle,
praised the valor of his men, one of them
modestly attributed ii to the good cheese"
they had eaten, and triumphantly displayed
the half-gnawed remnant of bar of yellow
soap.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08
SEVERELY Hurt.

Marcus Mooney, white boy who lives on
South Carolina avenue, was riding on an ice
wagon, driven by Mr.. Bishop, on Pennsyl-
vania avenue, between Fifth and Sixth
streets, southeast this morning, when he fell
and the wheel of the wagon passed over his
face, inflicting n horrible wound. The boy
was carried to DIR. McKims office and at
dressed his wound and had him conveyed
to the Providence Hospital, where his
wound was pronounced very serious, but
not necessarily fatal.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08
Marriage Licenses.

Halsey Wigfall, Of Baltimore, Nd, and
Gcncvine yelling, city.
George Alfred Jones and Gerry Ford.
Frank l.. Beach and Henr. etta Meyers.
James Kicks and Maria. Mcpherson.
Franklin W. Ridg:,ty, Baltimore, Md,
and Emma ]. RutzGr, nee Nixon.
John r. James aud Sarah ]. Williams OF
PRICE George County, Md.
Glenn. p. Martin and Mary Virginia
Riley.
Peter G. Brooking and Margaret Richard
SOIL
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08

Ellen A. Butler has brought suit against
the District of Columbia, claiming 5000
damages and costs of suit. She claims that
September l, 1874, she entered into the SER
vice of the District as teacher in the colored
public schools at 5000 per annum; that
plaintiff continued in said employ until
June 80, 1880, and her term of service had
not then been determined by order of the
defendant, and yet defendant refused to suf-
fer plaintiffs continue in said employ. She
sues for the salary of the school term of
1880 and 1881. ilt iilt l
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08
Transfers Of Real Estate.

Deeds were filed to-day as follows: Tim
othy Sullivan and wife to jeremiah Sulli-
van, part oflot 113, in Threlkeld's addition
to Georgetown, $40. Isabella Hepburn to
Geo. G. Hepburn, all her interest in lot @,
So. 769. 81; and also in lot 3, 50. 925. 81.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08

OWING TO THE excessive heat 1but little
work is in progress in the Departments, the
clerks and higher officials finding 1t almost
impossible to attend even to the routine
business of their offices.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08

PosTMAsTER-GENERA JAMES, who is at
present in New York, will 60 to the White
Mountains for the benefit of his health. He
is suffering from hay fever, a disease almost
as bad MS the Gibson Cook epidemic.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08
THE DEPARTMENTS.

INTERNAL REVENUE RECEIPTS TODAY
1870, 1853; customs, 1907, 760.SS.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08

GEN. DUMoNT, Supervising Inspector Of
Navigation, is out of the city, on Ia trip to
New York.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08

king Kalakaua, while in Paris, went
out in an ordinary train to see Versailles.
He was taken through the apartments of
the palace by an official, having first been
received by the superintendent Paintings
which he saw in the famous gallery and
other objects associated with the history of
France engaged his close attention, and
those who watched him were much i'm
pressed with the intimate acquaintance
which he showed with the events which
vn"'our NON '';tocs there commemorated.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08

FIRST ASSISTANT PosTMAsTER-GEN
TYNER returned to the city to-day.
NATIONAL BANK notes received for re-
demption to-day amounted to S13S,000.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08
A letter from DR.. Aguew.

Under date of September DR.. ID. Hayes
Agnew, one of President Garfelds consult
ing surgeons, wrote as follows to DIR. Joseph
Parrish, of Burlington, N. j.: "There has
been nothing in President Garfield's case de-
handing any extraordinary skill for its
management, and, as far as am capable of
Judging, everything has been done from the
day the wound was received until the
present moment which was dictated ,;y
sound surgery" In connection with the
fact the doctors IN attendance upon the
President have been severely criticised, DIR.
Agnew says: " / have, my dear Doctor,
for a-long time not allowed myself to be dis
turbed by adverse criticism, not from a
spirit of dogmatism nor from feeling of in
fallibility-I know too little to be dog.
matte, and that little too imperfectly to
claim infallibility-but because i have
made it n rule to learn all can in the line
of my study and then to apply the acquired
knowledge conscientiously. There never
has been time, from the day on which the
President was shot, that have been very
sanguine of his recovery, though most sin.
ccrely pray that he may be restored in
health to his family and to his official place
in the nation"
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08

In the first heat for four oars Hillsdalc
came In first time, S:20l. Albany second
Analostans and Metropolitans distanced.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08


CHARLES Y. GRYMEs to-day filed bill
in chanccry against VIM. w. Grymes and
others for partition and sale of lot of
square 1872.
THE Was ington Brick Machine Com
pany to-day filed suit against John ii.
Clarke, ID. III. Gildeisleeve, and others to
enforce mechanics lien for $530.67, on lot
l6 in Davidson's sub. of part of square 1859.
THE death Of Emiline Barnes an aged
and insane white woman, from the effects
of chloroform taken during fit of despond-
dency, was reported at the Health Office to-
day, and the Coroner notified. The woman
lived near the Insane Asylum.
The new capitol of Minnesota, to sup
ply the place Of tho one destroyed by fire
last winter, is to be built entirely of Min
nesota brick and stone. The interior will
BIO finished in natural woods throughout.
The basement walls are of broken lime
stone the first belt of the superstructure of
brown stone from Fond du Lac; the walls
of red pressed brick from the Red Wing
kilns, with trimmings of the handsome
Frontenac sandstone, and the cornice,
VIII have no projections but be flush
with the walls of sandstone.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08

MIN and White. Time of winner, 1o42l !;
Sutton. 10:5il.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08

TIL pIice Of mackc'cl has some up.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-08

The second heat of the Junior Singles
was rowcd at 2:30, instead of ALSO, so that
White, of the Analostans, might not have
to pull two races within one hour.
There were only three entered for this
race, Morgan, of the Potomacs, having
dropped out. 1t was game race from the
start, and ut the mile flag the three boats
were almost stem to stem.
Here Appley spurted ahead, and passing
the Analostan boat-house, was leading a
clear length. White at this point
dropped astern and did not regain his
place, the race being pushed, with Appley
'oai'ir by tr"oc lnngths clear. Sutton hnv-
Ing el9t'' und hulro,oa water hltveu
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-01-21
He Is an Ass.

If humanity continues as gullible as it
has shown itself i'll the last few years, we
shall advocate new kind Of school
primer in order that people may learn in
their childhood what you can't beat into
some of them with triphammer, even
when they are old enough TO go to Con-
gress
One lesson we should advocate having
fixed up in something after this style:
"What is three card monte p
cit is bad, bad game.
''Who plays three card monte?'
Zone man who looks like farmer.
Ono man who looks like new-school
philosopher. "
Can two play this game?'
eyes, my child Even four can play
at this game.
"What does the fourth man do?"
"He gets left, my child. He gets
badly left. He loses all his money. He
pulls his hair and uses wicked words.
Then the fourth man is an ass for
playing"
''He is an ass. - Wheeling Leader.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-01-21
Honesty Under Trying Circumstances

During the war i'll Hesse i'll the year
100, n Captain of dragons was ordered
out with his troop TO forage for provis-
ions. They reached poor cabin and
knocked at the door. An old man with
white beard appeared. "Take me to
a field" said the officer, "where I can
obtain forage for my troops" Gimme
diately, sir, replied the old man. He
put himself at their head and assembled
the valley. After about half an hours
march fine field of barley appeared.
"This will do admirably" said the Off
Ger. mo" said the old man GO wait a
little and ali will be right" They went
on again, until they reached another
field of barley. The troops dismounted,
moved down the grain, aud, trusting it
up in bundles, put them on their horses.
Friend" said the officer, chow is it
that you have brought us so far? The
first field of barley that we saw was
quite as good as this" "That is quite
true, said the peasant, "but it was not
mine a"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-01-21
The Diet Eiend.

There is the man who has made up his
mind to keep his health good by eating
the right sort of food in proper quantities
and with the right kind of mastication.
Resolution sits upon his brow, his eyes
turn scornfully upon his fellow men and
he deliberately and with malice afore-
thought sits with superbly folded arms
in the restaurant, painfully working his
mouth, as if he We're type of Samp-
sons celebrated jawbone engaged in the
duty of Staying bit of brown bread.
He becomes a nuisance to his landlady,
or his wife; Ire buys fish. which he eats
for his brains, and struggles in the morn
ing with harsh oatmeal and sour baked
apples, chewing, chewing, chewing,
while casting contemptuous glances
around upon the disguised people who
are not SO good and are not going to be
so healthy as he is to be. He even turns
his toes out, abhors butter, and walks
OH the side OF the street which is the
healthiest. His children receive no
candy, and his wife only receives scold-
ing because she does not live up to the
laws of health He becomes pale, fretful
and morose, and says of a healthy man,
He lives for his stomach" while he Is
dying for his.-Ne,O York Herald.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-01-21
A DIsturbed PRAYER.

The Rev. Mr.. Wingtop received
visit from the Widow PICKLES and her
four children. IL have come to stay
month, Brother Wingtop, and you may
consider it compliment, for never did
like Little Rock. You and my husband
were such fast friends that / can never
forget you. Were you not fast friends,
Brother Wingtop?"
MADAME, myself and your husband
were firm friends, but we were not fast.
A minister and his deacon should not be
fast" Mr.. Wingtop had hoped that his
remark would have a tendency to shorten
the widows visit into day, but when
she replied that he was dear, sly, good
man, the reverend gentlemen realized
that darkness brooded where the bright
light of hope had burned.
At night, when the family had been
summoned into the sitting-room to hear
long prayer from the minister, the
widow managed to squash" three of the
children. The other one, boy, ran
into the dining room. "Let him alone, :"
said the minister, Gin good time the
Lord will catch him" but the same time
he thought that if the Lord ever did
catch the boy extraordinary time would
have to be made.
"Let us pray" said the minister,
glancing sEyly around to see if the
widow had securely huddled her chill
dren.
"Our Father he began, 1--WE thank
Thee for Thy"
MA! oh, NAL George is taking off the
shoe!'
"Thank Thee for the great privilege
of sacred communion. But for the"
INA, make him quit. He's trying to
put his sock under my nose. "
81 amt, ma"
"But for Thy love we would ere this
have been cut down as cucumbers of the
ground. We see around us"
Just here the boy that had escaped to
the dining room entered with a stick OF
stove-wood and an old boot Advancing,
he struck at one of his brothers with the
boot, but unfortunately hit the min
| lister.
"Madam," said the reverend gentle
man, rising, "throw those young beasts
out Of the room, out OF the house, and
in fact, out of the yard. Daniel was
cast into the lions den, where he enjoyed
himself, but if he were penned up with
these rhinoceroses he would lose his rep
utation III ten minutes.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-01-21
The Worship of the Drum.

A writer in a contemporary speaks Of
the extensive prevalence at one time Of
the worship of the drum or rattle Saw
nge people have a singular tendency to
venerate whatever makes noise. The
great seat of drum worship was South
America. Even at the present day it is
found in full vitality i'll the interior of
Brazil; but hundred years ago it could
be said that "the dyum was the only OBJ
ject of worship from the Orinoco to the
La Plata" This is two-thirds of South
America, and, as it rs more than proba-
bile that Patagonia should be added too,
this would make the area of the practice
NEARLY co-equal with that of the conti-
nent. In former times drum worship
also prevailed in Lapland.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-01-21
Knew When to Quit.

ct think 1 may be excused for little
show of pride in saying that | knew when
to quit Wall street" he observed, as an
elevated train carried him over that
great thoroughfare.
$50 you usei to speculate, ell ?"
Yes, L was on that street for seven
years.
Made your pile, 1 suppose"
Yes, 1 made and lost money the
same as the rest. At one time l could
draw my check for 500, 600, and that
wasn't so bad for a man who went into
Wall street with only $40 in his pocket. 4"
"And you knew when to quit =
eyes, sir.
"That was when-when-? ?"
"That was when had enough left to
pay my fare to Elmira and hire a hoy to
carry my sachel up to my father-in-
laws housed" was the quiet reply
Val Street (N. ~ Ne,0S.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-01-21
Men Of Millions.

In the Treasury Department, writes
correspondent at Washington, there Is
IN interesting set of books printed and
bound, and each one about the size of
Webster's Dictionary. But they are not
open to public inspection. These books
contain the name and residence of every
holder of registered 4-per-cent. bonds in
the United States. The amounts range
from $50, which is the smallest, up to
Sol 900, 000 which is the largest sum
owned by one person. This latter sum
isowned by w. H. Vanderbilt, and upon it
he draws 500, 900 in interest every ninety
days. A check for that amount is mailed
to him quarterly. AT the same time the
owner of q $50 bond receives 80 cents.
These bonds are very popular, and, al
though the original holders OF Thorn paid
but par on little share, since which
time the bonds have advanced to about
13 per cent. premium, yet the books of
the company show but comparatively
few transfers. The premium is not suf-
ticient temptation to cause the average
holder to part with his securities. For
instance, the bonds owned by Wander
bilt are now worth about S5S, 900, 900,
but he holds ON to them all the same.
W. II. Vanderbilt individually owns
more registered United States bonds
than are owned in all the nineteen West
ern States and Territories. These States
and territories have population of
over 20, 900 600, yet there is held among
them but $49, 900, 900 Unregistered bonds,
or less than Mr.. Vanderbilt owns. In
the fourteen Southern States So, zoo, 900
are owned, or about one-fourth the
amount held by single citizen in New
York.
A prominent treasury official, in
speaking of the inequalities of fortune
rs illustrated by these figures, said that
he thought it would eventually cause
discomfort. A man with the enormous
wealth now possessed 10y Mr.. Vanderbilt
could add to it very rapidly in fact, it
will double itself III twenty years If put
into per cents. and let alone save to add
the annual interest. With the present
start F" which Mr.. Vanderbilt has il
bonds and dividend-paying ~tocks, it
will be an easy matter tor him TO be
worth $3.50, 900, 900 should he live twenty
years hence. 1t il said that he is worth
more than half this sum now.
Outside the Vanderbilt family there is
no single individual who owns over
$5,000,000 OF registered bonds. Those
who own 81 900, 900 are not numerous.
Quite n number, several hundred in
f,ct, in different portions of the country,
have over 100000. This is regarded as
nice plum. and the man who has tugged
II long time to get the round 500, 900
can well afford to take a rest, and draw
Il, 900 in interest every ninety days. He
enjoys it almost rs much as the man who,
10y daily labor and application, earns an
equal income.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-01-21
Reporters in the House of Commons

The reporters gallery in the British
House of Commons contains accommo-
dation for nineteen reporters. There
are benches at the back, with an equal
number of seats. The front seats are
allotted among the London morning
newspapers, in the proportion of two to
each, one seat being occupied by the re-
porter who happens to be taking his
turn, and the other by the manager of
the corps, who combines with the mani
fold duties pertaining to that Office the
task of writing the summary. An excep.
ton to this ALLEGATION exists i'll the
Times by an arrangement dating back
to the time when the amount OF accom-
mediation was rather in excess of the de-
mand than otherwise, that newspaper
has been permitted to appropriate three
seats. This has not been hitherto chal-
lenged, but, as there is no pretence that
the extra seat is required for the bust
ness of the paper, it will be allotted to
some other paper next session. In ad-
dition to the morning-paper boxes there
are two occupied by the Press Associa-
ton and central news.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-01-21
No New Jokes.

There is absolutely nothing new in
jokes. They never die. The Jokes that
are familiar to us are those which our
ancestors enjoyed. They are found in
the most ancient literature that remains,
and in hieroglyphics of the ruined monu.
ments OF dead empires. Their unchanged
existence through these ages does not al
low that these, like the earth and man.
may have been created by process of
development; they must have been
created absolutely. At some stage of
the work of creation the Jokes were
launched into being, and they have con-
tinued to revolve by their own gravity.
the same as the planets. None Of them
can be annihilated any more than matter.
nor can another be added. No person who
attempts originality can get recognized
as wit, but any man can, who has
talent for memorizing the old stock
jokes and funny stories, and for working
them over on all occasions.