Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-05-28
WIT AND WISDOM.

A CONNECTICUT man has invented q
pipe that will light itself. This is an
underhanded attempt to force house
painters to find some new way to kill
time.
JAY GOULD hasn't bought a railroad
for a month. From this it is inferred
that Mrs. Gould has been investing in
new bonnet and few other tixings.-
Philadelphia Chronicle.
" EsTHETIc DAMsEL." The most
charming decoration for plate is a
good piece of beef-steak with well-cooked
potatoes and just a sufficiency of gravy.
It'll lay over trailing vines or sun
flower any day.
SLEEPING WATER, Sitting Bulls
daughter, has run away with young
brave. This item will soon appear as
follows: Somnolent Aqueous Fluid, the
daughter of Recumbent Taurus, has
eloped," etc.
A TELEGRAPH man in Nevada went to
concert. The violinist played very
nicely, holding his audience spellbound,
suddenly until a string snapped. The
telegraph man shouted "Wires down,
by George !"
THERE is now a report about a man
out West who has an ordinary COW from
which forty pounds of butter are made
every week, but then he buys thirty
five pounds of oleomargarine week for
private use.
A South END girl thanked man who
gave her his seat In a street-car, and he
married her and proved to be worth
$780, 900. eve circulate this lie in the
hope of inducing the girls to be little
more courteous. Boston Post.
The Steubenville Herald thinks that
whenever you see a woman talking
straight at man and beginning to nod
her head and keep time to it with her
appraised index finger, it is about time
for somebody to climb tree"
A CINCINNATI girl who put up at one
of the Saratoga taverns for three months
boasts that she had twenty-three offers
of marriage. It should be added that
somehow the impression got abroad that
her father was rich.
DISTRESSING episode A lady who had
quarreled with her bald-headed lover
said, in dismissing him " What is de-
lightful about you, my friend, is that I
have not the trouble of sending you
back any locks of hair. ."-Chicago Tf'ib-
une.
"WHEN is spring like young lady ?"
asked Henry. Lucy of course gave 1t
up. "When it is little forward" said
Henry. "And / suppose it is like
young gentleman because it is the ver-
nal season." replied Lucy. Tableau.
"LEr me see your tongue" said DIR.
Calomel to Mrs. Jones. For Heavens
sake, doctor, what are you thinking OF !"
exclaimed Jones. "Don't do it, love y
he added, appealingly to his helpmate
sit would be no curiosity with us, you
know" And then she gave him piece
of it.
An OLD Long Island sportsman says
that horses frequently die OF broken
hearts because they travel the same
roads every day and become tired of
seeing the same objects. he says that
the best way to restore horse to health
! is to take him off on q new road and let
him shy little.
SWEET agony: A very sweet agony IS
for a young lady to decorate miniature
broad sword and forward it to her best
gentleman friend. This does not signify
direct cut. It is the old story-"N No
knife can cut our love in twain. How
quite. How awfully quite quite.-Ne'O
HaUen Register.
SCHOOL supervisor (coaxingly): Little
boy. if there were ten birds on branch
and naughty boy came along with a
gun and fred and killed five, how many
Would be left ?" First little boy:
"Five" Second little boy very eager
ly): sNone cause when he fired, they'd
all fy."-Boston Transcript.
A LOVERS pun: " Maggie, dear, if l
should attempt to spell Cupid why could
I not get beyond the first syllable ?"
Maggie gave it up, whereupon William
said Because when come to II, of
course, cannot go further" Maggie
said she thought that was the incest
conundrum she had ever heard.-Bu6dto
Express.
We know cat who is famous hum
ter. He is rewarded for killing mice
and punished for killing sparrows.
When he kills q mouse, he brings it In
and exhibits it to his mistress with pride
and satisfaction. When he bags spar
row, he sneaks up the back stairs and
devours it under the bureau.-Phita-
delohiG Bulletin. -zz-s
GENEvIEvE WARD is shocked beyond
all expression because men and women
are compelled to sleep in the same
sleeping-car. 1t is dreadful. We have
often worried over the same thing, and
been afraid to go to sleep, lest some
woman should chloroform us and kiss
us in our dreams. No man is safe in a
mixed sleeping car. Huntington Hack
eye.
A QUAKER maiden of sixty accepted
an offer from a Presbyterian elder, and
being demonstrated with by delegation
of Friends appointed to wait upon her,
for marrying out of the meeting, she
replied, "Look here I've been waiting
just sixty years for the meeting to marry
me; and if the meeting don't want me
to marry out of it. why don't the meet
ing bring along its young men?" The
delegation departed in silence.
TIED UP.-Whether Admiral Farragut
was or was not lashed to the rigging of
his ship during the battle in Mobile