Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-03-02

cel'e your lover IN the htCnen any long
er." cts very kind of you, ma'am,
but he is almost too bashful to come in
to the parlor.
HERE is something that troubles us:
Are public dinners gotten up as an ex-
cuse for the speeches that follow them,
or are the speeches an excuse for the
dinners ?-BOston transcript.
"WHo ate the first oyster?" is the
conundrum propounded by q New York
journal. Why, we thought everybody
knew that the first oyster was eaten by
swallow.-NcaO Haven Register.
my dear, what makes you always yawn,"
The wife exclaimed her temper gone
SIS home 30 dull and dreary?"
Not so, my love" he said, ''not 30;
b" But man and wife are one. you know,
And when alone I'm weary"
A DUTcHAAN found his way into one
of our local tonsorial rooms the other
day, and upon being asked how often he
shaved, replied: ".Dree times a week,
every day but Secondary; den L shaves
every day. augusta Journal.
A YOUNG lady was caressing a pretty
spaniel and mur1nuring: 81 do love a
nice dogT ';.Ah!" sighed a dandy,
standing near, II would / were dog
"Neyer mind retorted the young lady,
sharply, ''you'n grow"
CAN dye say, nam, this be yer oonly
child?" questioned Aunt Mary's newly
installed Irish maid, adding, ssWell, me
mother had tin of us, an niver an oonly
child among 'em all-save indade it was
my brother Mike, an sure I can't re-
member how it was with himself, at
all, and Bridget looked deeply reflect
i've.
BOB. BURDETTE relates that after his
lecture in Rome nice looking and we'll
dressed old gentleman approached him
and said: sMr. Burdette, I was very
much pleased with your lecture on the
Rise and Fall of the Moustache, but
haven't read somewhere that you some
times deliver funny lecture ?" Bob bit
his lip and replied: eyes, I have lee
ture on the Homologation of the Ideal"
that is thought funny by some people.
The old gentleman appeared satisfied
and moved away.
go, SMILE, as thou vert wont to
smile, sung the idol of little Toddlekin's
soul one evening as he sat on the lounge
in the parlor building brown stone front
houses in the air. He had but recently,
at the earnest request of the young lady,
sworn off the use of Intoxicating fluids.
He looked up calmly with strange, far
off look in his thirsty eye, and reached
for his hat. ''You don't know, Maria.
you don't know, said little Toddlekins,
"what a weight that song has lifted from
my heart" He smiled that evening as
was his wont.
''SEIzING the gigantic Indian around
the waist the brave boy lifted him into
the air and flung him headlong down the
chasm. Painting the boy stood and
watched the Indians body fall from crag
to crag until it disappeared in the dark
ness below. just at this moment"
just at this moment the father of the boy
who was reading this trash came along,
lifted the youngster by the ear, and in
the woodshed matinee that followed the
boy had no thought of finging the old
man down chasm. There was no chasm
handy.-Detr0it Free Press.
WHIhE Chicago girl was leaning over
the railing Of the veranda one night
singing, "I'm Waiting, Ny Darling,
for Three, her long lover sneaked
out of the shrubbery. 's Birdie .''
" Amanda !" They embraced. "Have
you missed me?" she mur1nured.
g Missed you. my angel, does the lone
ly dove miss but there came dull.
hollow thud, as If some one had hit an
old stump with maui, and he shot out
in the darkness, while voice as deep az
bass horn said Birdie has gone,
Amanda, and you can turn the gas out
In the parlor and go to bed"
They were watching the sea gulls
whirling In graceful circles ABOVE the
waters of the bay, while the rays of the
sinking sun covered the landscape witha
flood of gold. Finally he turned to her,
and in voice trembling with emotion,
asked: darling, If we were sea gulls
would you fly away with me and be at
rest 2" TO which she answered, with
her gaze fixed on far-of mass of castel-
lated clouds: ''No, George; I'd let you
fly away, and then I'd have. all the rest
T wanted here. ''-BrookIyn Eagle.
4 PoTTsvInnE constable held an exc
cution against Wayne township farmer,
and when he called for settlement the
agriculturist took him out into big pas
ture and pointed out wild steer as the
particular piece of property that should
be levied upon. The constable chased
the steer around for while and then sat
down, and taking out his book began to
write. What are you doing there? ?"
asked the granger. 'sCharging mileage"
replied the constable, without looking
up. DO L have it all to pay?" gasped
the rancher "You bet "Then take
this tame leifer here. can't stand any
such game as that.