Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1881-07-21
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

Men who are born equal-Twins
The coin for porfumers-A cent.
A lumber yard-A three-foot board.
A lawyers trial is when he has none.
Always goes around with a long face
An alligator.
Does fly that goes into the butter
become butterfly.
Can boy who runs away with a circus
be arrested for larceny?
We suppose a clap of thunder may be
called weather report
Protested notes-Those emanating
from your neighbors violin.
The red flag is signal of danger. II
You doubt it, wave one in the face of n
mad bull.
Why is much-admired young lady
like the hub of n wheel? Because she
is always surrounded by fellows
No woman ever looks at a fine large
newspaper without thinking what a
beautiful polonaise pattern it would
make.
The time to dance is just after stirring
up den of yellow-iacks. Parties
attending picnics will do well to remem-
: Der this.
Philadelphia man has bought 4, ,0OO,-
900 acres of Florida land, and yet all
this vast tract isn't near as big as q boy
feels in his first pair OF high boots.
There is n boy in town who will buy
no more New Testaments. He says,
with an air of Disappointment, that
"there's not an Ingun story in it,"
"Scissors and lightning !" shouted an
irate subscriber who could find nothing
but miscellany and telegraphic news in
his paper. .-Keok,k Gate CITY.
Young gentlemen Of slender means
will be pleased to learn that poison hav-
ing been found in ice cream at Atlanta,
Ga, that vegetable has been declared a
dangerous compound.
Just because man goes through the
rain without an umbrella, it doesn't
prove that he is a philosopher. It
only shows that somebody has appro-
priated his water shed.
Have you read "The Testament ?"
asked q Western girl of her bosom
friend ait is perfectly splendid, and
they say it is revised, too, but of course
this is the first time the story has ever
been published in this country"
"There are lots of men in this coun-
try who ought to be in the same condi-
ton that this gate is in," said the
farmer, IS he Ghut it behind a lightning
rod peddler. How is that p "Well-
hung" said the farmer, as he resumed
agricultural pursuits.
A Rochester photographer has got
matters down fine. For point for the
subject TO look at while the picture is
being taken, instead of the usual faded
envelope or old photograph on the wall,
he has the ominious words neatly
franed, "Terns CASH"
A school teacher, discharged for using
the rod too freely, applied for employ
ment in a dressmaker's establishment.
"Have you had any experience in sew
ing" asked the dressmaker. "No,"
was the reply, "but have a thorough
knowledge of basting."
A man is usually very deaf ut o'clock
in the morning when his wife calls him
to get up and light the fire, but when
she gets up, murmurs that the poor
man is tired out, and goes downstairs,
he can hear the gentlest call up two
pair of stairs, Breakfast Is ready"
The new telephone has an induction
coil with resistance Of five thousand
ohms. How little our ancestors thought
of such things. Alas they lived in an
age when ohms were undreamed OF. II
they had met an ohm in broad daylight
they never would have recognized IL.
Son, never get excited. II it's some
thing you can prevent, go in and stop
it; II it's something you can't help,
what good will il do to lose your head
aud rage around and act ridiculous
This rule, however, may be and is here
by suspended during presidential elec
tions, at the horse race, and when one
legged man sets hisspike-pointed crutch
publicans. 'uni0n'