The Owosso times., 1881-07-22

AFTER his partners had finished their
break kfasts--Joe was always terribly
hungry after his regular monthly spree
the deacon laid his heavy hand on
Joe's shoulder and solemnly asked:
"Joseph. how do you 'xpect to es-
capeY Joe hastily closed his mouth,
dropped his fork and the segments Of
cakes impaled thereon, and looked has
tily about him.
mot from natural enemy, 1 don't
mean," said the deacon. IL think so
much of you, Joseph, that I'd knock
such a one down in the name
o the Lord fore said anything about
it. i mean from the Devil-the enemy
of your soul"
'Ohp said Joe, looking relieved, and
resuming operations with knife and
fork.
The wicked shall he turned into hell,
says the good book, Joseph continued
the deacon.
Reckon I'd see most of my old 'quain-
tances eff went thar remarked Joe,
quite cheerfully, as he poured the mo-
lasses on fresh plate of cake.
The worm dieth not, and the fire is
not quenched,' said the deacon.
That refers to the worm they use
distillin' whiskey. pardner?' inquired
Joe, pushing back lis empty plate.
The deacon grOaned.
( "Taint no use waistin' yer powder
an ball, pardner,' continued Joe in the
best of temper; for don't skeer worth
gol durn.' And Joe put on his hat
and meandered down to the claim.
joe said the professor hastily wash
ing his hands, Il want to speak to you
a moment. Come up this way; it's
little private. Ah-don't you think it
would be advisable, very desirable in
fact, to change your mode of life some
what?'
wall, Dunno replied Joe with great
dellberatiOn. Think of movin' nearer
the claim?'
'Ah-I don't refer to material mat
ters so much as to, ah-spiritual Ones
said the professor. All the promises,
you know, are conditioned on walking
in light paths, and maintaining prop
er frame of mind
Look here, perfessOr,' said Joe, is it
religionyer a-drivin' at?'
Exactly exclaimed the professor,
raising his glasses, and looking Joe full
in the face.
Then it's no 60, said Joe confidently.
The deacon's been a-tryin' it on
'Indeedv exclaimed the professor,
hastily, putting OH very reserved air.
Yes said Joe. Put in a regular
twenty-keg blast; but it only fizzled.
Reckon the rocks pretty tough, profess
sor, and not much indications, no how
And Joe laughed in his sleeve, and
started to find the major and bet ci-
gar.
Themajor gave Joe an excellent ci-
gar, promised larger monthly divi-
dend than the claim had ever declared
before, and told Joe first-rate story.
Then when he had got Joe into an ex
cellent humor, he commenced moving
skillfully on JOe's Outworks.
Got much laid up, JOeY inquired
the major, with bland hypocrisy.
Mary! replied Joe, with emphasis,
and then loud laugh at the utter alb
surdity of such an idea.
Time you commenced, old fellow
said the major. you can be well off
in few months, if the claim keeps do
ing as well as now.'
No good of me savin' money re-
piled Joe, with an oath as generous as
it was unnecessary. 'SOmebody'd steal
it,
'Nonsensep cried the major. You'll
want a wife. and house to live in,
one of these days; and then you'll find
money very handy, no matter how
much you have
House an wifev calculated Joe.
Thunder an pickaxes, major. No
woman 'ud hev sech a galoot ez me-
Plenty of them would, quick enough
replied the major. You're young and
good-looking and good-natured, and
have plenty of good sense. All you
need is to stop drinking, gambling, fight
ing, swearing
Major interrupted Joe, blowing
smoke from both corners of his mouth
until his face was effectually clouded,
that's the identical game that the.
other two chaps hes been playin' on me
this morning.
Not the deacon and the professor?'
queried the major quickly, and hiding
his lips entirely away under his
moustache. Jus So replied Joe.
One of 'em piled on the brimstone; an
the other tried sugar. But faint no
go major. Fact is, I've thoughta heap
about it; an I've made up my mind
thet what theirs so much fightin' about
is too much, by a long shot, fur me to
git through my head. Take somethin' ?
Oh, you don't drink on duty, do you?
Well, do, yer knowp Saying which,
Joe sauntered off to SorrePs saloon, and
waited patiently about until he could
fall in with some one whose conversa-
tion should run in adifferent strain
from that he had heard during the morn
ing.
At the dinner table that day; the
partners did not exhibit their usual
cordiality. Joe, to be sure, ate with
good appetite, and told good thing or
two he had heard at the saloon; but
his three partners regarded each other
somewhat after the manner of three
well-bred dogs having designs on the
same bone. The deacon and the
professor felt hurt, and the major
seemed considerably annoyed, but all
were too good-mannered to show any
rudeness. Joe finished his meal and
departed i'm search of more cheerful
company. As he departed, the dea-
con uttered a long sigh, and exclaimed,