Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-09-23
uaMhcYe Editorial Dots.

This is iii time ard place." as
the maj dog sail when he saw TIE
river.
Tdere was one thing about Carlyle be
could never make agreo with himself;
MS dyspepsia.
My attention has been attracted to
you," said the lightning when it struck
the lepEone.
\ retiring merchant says he sold his
stock out so clean that he had nothing
on hand but felon.
4 Mr.. Cruel, of Gettysburg, Pa. has
found rye roots terminating in solid
ice. Too thin, Cruel.
"All's well that ends swell" as the
base ball man said when he put the
poultice on his lump.
Theodore Thomas is in another
s,rape, at last, he has gone to Europe
to select new orchestra.
A Baltimore girl calls her lover
" Moses" because he is an Austere
man." Please send stamp for explana-
ton.
How on earth. or rather, how under
the sun, do you suppose the gas com
pan;es make u living on those planets
that have no moons?
The wrong men always get rich. 1t
is the fellow who has no money who is
always telling you how much good he
would do with it if he had it.
1t isn't always poor rule that won't
work both Ways, after all. Now the
milk in the cocoanut is oil right. but
drop the cOcoanut in the milk, how
then?
A new kind of bug. with more legs
than anybody can count, has been
found in the drinking water at Boston.
1t must look like plat of the street OF
Its native city.
If the White House is so poorly VEN
ilated, why don't they appoint an it,
vestigating committee, or else have the
ladies' sewing circle meet there once or
twice week?
Colonel Ingersoll defines an infidel
as n man vino has made an intellectual
advance All yes. We see; the less q
msn believes the more he knows. ALI
right, Colonel, go up head.
This is a sad commentary on our
boasted civilization" y tramp despond
ugly observed, when he discovered
that the ham he had taken from the
front Of shop was a wooden one.
There are SO many tramps in the
country tn It farm labOrers IN the Wesi
are scarce at $40 month. While the
harvest lasts at ieist, if healthy man
ask you for bread, give him stone.
If Guitesu had shot at DAVID Davis
uow, where would the shot have hU
AIM? This is an interesting question
n comparative anatomy. o. at least l.
would oe Interesting TO David Davis
Why is u certain brand of whisky
called Old Cabinet?" asked Laura.
iooAing up from her Haukeye. one
-vening. - Government can I get along
without it" grumbled Tom, deep i'll
F01tSt and Stream.
A Burlington shoemaker got tired OF
his trade and began tu practice medl
line. The ohly startling feature in the
new doctors practice Is lis habit OF
plungiug crooked awl into the pa
tient's foot "a couple Of inches, to see il
ne is sound.
Some gifted person-well, say Car.
lyle, and everybody will believe it,
says, Music il prophecy Of what
llie Is to be- Well. if it's anything
like the new cornet on the opposite
| corner, when We die, we want to stay
lead. None of that kind of life fol
US.
A young lady of an irquiripg turn Of
Uind, writes to ask VINO are 1.-THE
boys" with whom her brother and coue
ins go up to Oshkosh to have some fun
Why, don't you know, Laura? Apple
John. Tom and Jerry. "Bobr' Bill
Yards aud James lambs.
As the young people turned to leave
the altar. one of the groOmsmen whis
pered loud enough to be heard clear
back to the organ that it was the "turr
OF the tide" But he was punished fol
his depravity. Not soul in all the
company laughed. No, not one.
The other day lady began to thank
man who gave her his seat IN y stree,
| ar; the car started and she fell iutC
he proGered seat with bang that
Jared her store teeth out. Now We
understand why the girls who never
thank man for any street.car civilities
hold their peace.
did your son contract any bad
habits While In college. Mrs. Mulvany 2
Sorra the wan of him, sorr; he
contracted all the good ones he had
when he whit there. and small enough
they ware. serr, widont any contkrac-
ton. It's Josin' he'll be on the con.
thract, I'm belavin'."
An ingenious railway caterer, who
had been in the restaurant bushes.
seventeen years, has invented sand
which made of bread and meat. PEG,
lie who have eaten it, Say it is in all
respects equal to the old establlsEe Ell
eastwood aud leather article and il
ven considered more palatable and
sholesome. 1t has not yet come iuto
general Use.
A wild-eyed stranger suddenly ap.
lay and tossing his tut on the Il ,or,
~pat on his hands and fercely ex-
,laimed, GENTS, I'm after the duck
that was out to Central Park with my
Alfe last Sdnda,!' Aud twenty three
married men a. Il eight or nlne of tue
'oys snddtniy DIV q under the tail. +
iIti shouted, ID Ut sAuoti'
Cha auqua lake is too far inland for
SEA serpent, hut the other day "a big
'ur,le caushtayoupgw woman by the ear a,
While she Was bathing in the lake, auo
,.ame within one of drowning her.
The turtles beau had to DO cut of1
and Its avs pred apart before it wouln
r. lease Its hold" Well, that's q pretty
4ood Sea serpent story cor fresh Wa
&, lake. The turtle which was AS bl.
around ss the bottom Of u wash tut,
probably mistOOk the girls ear for
another turtle; M she was an A amsterdam
girl
docs it. after all, pay to behonest p
i disappointed young man writes. No,
nv Soc nO' If won re- hunest for nav 4,