The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1881-01-28
VARIETIES.

"A queer old gentleman being asked wha
he wished for dinner, replied "An appetite
good company, something to eat and nap
kim"
When Greece was in her glory tramps
were unknown. If q man started out to be one
he was recognized as a philosopher and given
a fat position in the government -Detr0i
Free Press
(which way we goin' ?" asked burly
hibernlan OF countryman who was driv
ing car.
"Goin' crazy"
Eye amt got far TO CO. thin," added The
| first.
"A gentleman went to a certain house, and
meeting a German friend at the gate inquired
is MIR. - n?" "Yes" was the reply
When about to pull the bell the Teuton called
him back and said, HE is in, but he is Diet. >
As governess was experimenting the
dinner of her charges, who had nice dish o.
pudding for their dessert, she thought she
would improve the occasion to teach mora
lesson. So she said to the eldest little boy
Tommy, if there was a poor man starving
in the street, what would you do to help
him ~ Why" said Tommy, "Pd give him
your pudding"
Moore tell that Charles Lamb was sitting
| next some chattering woman at dinner
| Observing that lie did not attend to her, the
| lady said: "You don't seem to be at all the
| better of what have been saying to you."-
| "No ma'am," he answered, "But this gen.
| tleman on the other side of me must, for il
| all came in at one ear and went out at the
| other"
-"Do you call that veal outlet, waiter P''
said London exquisite, one of the most del
icate type even in that favored region ofexqui-
sites, the West End. "Why, sir, such veal
outlet as that is an insult to every selfrespect-
ing calf in the British Empire" The waiter
hung his head in very shame for moment,
and then replied in the language of humblest
apology, 81 really didn't mean to insult you,
sir"
"A large man, furious with passion, pick
ed himself up on Market street on Thursday
evening, and rushed into clothing store
The proprietor received him coldly.
"Why in the name of common decency,''
began the furious intruder, don't you put
ashes on your pavement ?"
odd you fall DOWN." inquired the mer-
chant, commiseratingly.
Fall DOWN. echoed the other, raging
Fall down! I've split my coat from end to
end. If you had put ashes on your pave
ment it wouldn't have happened"
"Ah p returned the sympathetic merchant,
rubbing his hands, 81 forgot to do that sure
enough; but-I-can sell youa coat very
cheap"
The other evening, the boys were sitting
around STEERS saloon trying to think of
some method by which they could get the
drinks out of the "old man" without costing
them anything; and finally Jake Bradish
spoke up and says he, "Sitzer, Ill bet the
drinks for all hands that I've got more money
in my pocket than you have" Sitter leaned
his head upon his fist and considered the pro-
position for long time. Finally he said =
"All richt babe you" "Well, now" said
Jake, "recollect what / said-I bet I've got
more money in my pocket than you have
Now, have you any money in my pocket ?"
How much money ish dere in your pocket ?"
inquired the German. "Seventy-fve cents"
said Jake. well, den, 1 hat got de most
money in your pocket-fifty cents of dot ish
mine-you owe him to me, and wants it p
Silently Bradish threw the six bits on the
counter; the boys came up, drank and were
just departing through the door, when Sitter
paused from wiping up the counter and said
You tink you vas schmard Ell? l had dat
game played on me more as fifty times, and I
look me myself out now all de viler'