Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-07-20
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

The worst berry of the season,-Brib-
ery.-Boston Commercial Bulletin.
SPELL pea soup with three letters. s.
O-U-pea soup.-BOSton Transcript.
IT IS the mean temperature that makes
man sick.-NeW Orleans Picoyatne.
| The only real maizey dance is the
Indian green corn dance. -LO2OeW Con-
rier.
ADAM ought to have said "Hardly
Eva, when he was tempted to bite the
apple. fo.
AMERICA is the cradle of liberty. and
| SO we rocket on the Fourth. W.T. and
TVSSdOW.
No man is wholly bed. There is the
forger, for instance. He is ever ready
to write wrong.
THERE is true saying that the bung-
hole OF an unthrifty mans barrel is where
the spigot ought to be.
BRowNJoHN very appropriately calls
his yacht his floating debt It isn't paid
for.-Boston Transcript.
'NEvER," says an Irish orator, s'w1ite
an anonymous letter without signing
your name to it. "-LoweU Citizen.
You've ladies and elephants attain their
growth at eighteen. But one trunk is
enough for an elephant while travelling.
A LARK boosted that he could soar
higher than any other bird. An eagle
who overhead him, said: ''It's matter
of a pinion.'
HURRY up, barber, said the custom
er in the chair; "this soap on my face
itches terribly" ''Just have little
cIr T cbo1 4ol>
ing You immediately was the reply.
SMOKING is injurious tobacco. It
completely ruins it. Tobacco ought to
turn over new leaf and avoid smoking.
1t can't stem the current of temptation,
it is mere sham, and ought not to
Havana luck.
BILLINGToN says the present style of
gentlemen's straw hats is quite faulty.
The hats have no attic, and the first
thing man knows when he puts it on,
his head goes clear up to the roof
Rome Sentinel.
PROBABLY the boy never lived who,
having drum, did not burst it, to see
what made the music But Vermont
has the champion boy He broke his
drum because he wanted to see the drum
corps his father spoke of.
SHE complained to her milkman that
he did not give her good measure and
he said it was the fault of her pitcher
he filed it chalk full always. She ad-
mitted that it was so, and told him she
was glad he spoke the truth at all times.
Wit and Wisdom.
"WHERE ignorance is Bliss" etc.
Lady Fussypompous- Tell me, Miss
in
America? But no, of course not [
beg pardon, but I really quite forgot
that America was such young country.
Harvard Lanapoon.
A so-cA1LED wit was once talking to
one of our wise professors: GAS for me,
he said, 81 do not believe what do not
understand "Do you understand"
objected the professor. chow it is that
fire will soften butter but will harden an
egg ?' "No, sir s'Yet you believe
in an omelet r'-French Journal.
He loitered at the festival,
goblet in his fist.
wishy-washy fluid brimmed
The marge his liplets kissed.
Quoth he: 60 wish that could get
4 pair of trousers made
For summer thin as this
Consumptiye lemonade"
-Yonkers Gazette.
LOU S1t OIL your uOTSO uhO d UuUCu-
en-" said a pert young officer, who hap
pened to be of royal blood, to veteran
general, who was somewhat bent with
age. cit is highly probable, respond
ed the old warrior, "it's because all my
life I've been leading young calves to
the slaughter"
An army colonel, who hoped to be ap-
pointed to the brigadier generalship
which General Miles afterward received.
was seen gazing at the skies one night.
"What are you looking for, Colonel
Mackenzie?" said Captain Mclaughlin.
cob" said the colonel, SO I am looking
for a STAR" "Colonel," remarked the
captain, "there's Miles between you and
that star" And there was.-DetrOit
Free Press.
IT is remarkable how many things
will explode bottles of catsup, dough-
nuts, soda water fountains, boilers, roast
potatoes, and now man. At least we
read in novel that "Eugenie's father,
upon hearing this, exploded with indig
nation This should teach fathers
never to fool with Observation-Disclosures
toUr Herald.
A YOUNG painter says, with an air of
sincerity, 81 don't want to brag, but I
cherish a humble conviction that I
possess all the excellences of Raphael
and Michael Angelo without their de-
fects. % "But," says one of the auditors,
Sin that case you are superior to both.
"Thanks, old fel, says the artist, press
ing his hand warmly.
ADoLPHUs, my dear, " said she, ''It's
nearly year since you first began to
call" ''Yes, believe so" nervously.
"And we've talked about books and
music every night" "Y-y-e-s, think
SO, more nervous than before. "Well,
1, I--don't you think a change would be
agreeable?" There was s'a change" in
few weeks time. The pastor MADE 1t.
THE lies about the size of hailstones
have been distressingly feeble this spring.