davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26
PITH AND POINT. a

The Cornell ReuieW has discovered
the mathematics of kiss it is lip
tickle.
THE wholesale price of strawberries
in New York is Sc quart. Thus do
the luscious berries cheaper. Wepaid
$40 only two weeks ago.--Detroit Free
Press.
The person who would pick upon q
banjo is entirely capable of pounding a
piano, squeezing life out of an accordion
or beating a drum.-Neo Orleans
Picdllne. -. 81
"THE height of the human figure"
says some authority, "should properly
be six times the length of the feet. y
This proves that st. Louis folks are too
short.-BoSton Post.
A COMIC fellow walked into parlor
on his hands, with his feet in the air, at
party at Cynthiana, Ky. 1t was very
funny, until pistol fell from his pocket
and was discharged, wounding him Sc
riously. ~ pug q
Mr.. GARFIELD, his wife, and the
young lady who is to assist in doing the
honors of the White House, have all
been school teachers. The reins of
Government will now be kept, taut.--
Boston transcript. +. -o,.., Ill,
MARIE R0zE has been photographed
in one hundred and fifty-eight different
positions. The only person who can
beat her for variety of attitudes is a boy
told to sit still on chair at q funeral. ~
Boston Post. Ha ultl~ iiUi
WHEN man begins to go down hill
he finds everything CREASED for the occa-
sion, says philosopher, who might
have added that when he tries to climb
up he finds everything creased for the
occasion, too.-Philadelphta News.
AFTER all the evidence was in, Gal
weston Judge asked the accused, vino
was charged with stealing a watch, if he
had anything more to offer. 81 did
have an old silver watch to offer you,
Judge, but my lawyer borrowed it and
hasn't brought it back yet. u Galgeston
| NeUS.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26
The Telephone on RaiIrOads.s@

ACCORDING to Engineering, the Edi-o
son loud-speaking telephone is giving
way in England before the Gower-Bell
telephone. This latter form is largely
used in the Post-oflice, and is also en-
ployed to some extent in railway signal
ing. In recent experiment on the
Southwestern Railroad, the telephones
were simply connected between the ex-
isting wire for working the "blook''
system and the" earth.n Conversation
was then distinctly carried on, without
interfering in the least with the ordinary
signals; and it was curious 10 listen in
the telephone and hear the sound of the
train itself leaving the distant station
simultaneously with the strokes Of the G
signal bell indicating its departure. The
reason of this simultaneous working is,
that the magnetic electric telephone cur
rents being of very weak strength and
vibratory in character, are harmlessly
snperposed upon the powerful battery
currents working the "block" instru 2
nents. t.l..
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26
A Curious Client.

Nor long ago Brooklyn newspaper
man received a note from a law firm,
Smith, Jones & Smith, notifying him
that a claim against him for several
dollars had been placed in their hands
for collection, and instructing him that
he could save himself some trouble if
he'd come arotind and talk the matter
over. The journalist was perfectly pre-
pared to converse on the subject, but
disinclined to pay, SO he dropped in on
Smith, Jones & Smith, and notified them
that he had some business for them.
"There's a man in this town threat
ems TO sue me" said he, Z" and I'm pre-
pared to spend any amount to beat
him. Can you undertake to carry me
through"
"Certainlyt" calculated Smith, Jones
& Smith, to whom the newspaper man
was stranger 's.
"What l want to do is to bother him."
observed the client. ''Can ] bother
him, whether l owe him or notr"
Well, we should smile!" remarked
Smith, Jones & Smith. "It'll take him
twenty years, if we work the case"
You are strangers to me, gentle
men," said the client, "though | hear
you highly spoken of. Now, suppose
he should sue me, how would you 60 to
workP"
"First, we should stave off the an
swer. Then we would take lot of de-
positions de bene eSSe. just before the
trial we would issue commission to ex-
anime witnesses in Siberia; other wit
nesses would be taken; we would have
such engagements that we would stave
the trial off, and If he got judgment
we would appeal. Yes, sir, he'd use up
twenty years getting the money"
"But what would the lawyers on the
other side be up to all this timeP I'm
told they're pretty smart fellows"
"Don't care Who are they?"
"I don't remember their names, but
l have got their letter. Here! what's
thisP by Jove, gentlemen, they're
Smith, Jones & Smith''
The partners looked aghast.
81 hope that nothing I've said will be
used against me-" said the client, look
ing from one to the other. 81 trust,
gentlemen, that you won 'tglve me away
in this matter. It's an awful blunder on
my part, but l sincerely hope you won't
take any advantage of it,"
Smith, Jones & Smith held brief
consultation.
-" Am / in much perilP" asked the
client, anxiously. t1I.l
awe think not" said Smith, Jones &
Smith. awe are--eh-are-we are
prepared to drop the proceedings. We
won't mention it, if you won't"
"I'll agree not to mention any
name," replied the client, with grin,
"and III promise you my business in
the future"
There was some further conversation
at an adjacent hotel, and, gentle reader,
the only trouble is their names were not
Smith, Jones & Smith. Br0Oklyn Eagle.
CAN Boston school-boy be called
] Huhbuho
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26
be desperadOes of the most hardened char

acter.
FRANK TwIGGs, convicted of the muir
der Of VIM. Driscoll, of Burke County, Ga,
in November last, and sentenced to be hanged
the 2Sth Of January, but reprieved by the
Governor, was hanged at Waynesboro on the
18th. Twiggs protested his innocence.
FRANK SPALDING and another man
named Drentle, engaged in chopping wood
near Peyely, Mo-, ale missing, and their
bones are supposed to have been found in
the burned ruins of the shanty
occupied by them and two companions.
Foul play is suspected, and one of the other
men, son Of old man Drentle, is In Jail at
HillsbOro, charged with murder.
BELLE NICHOLS, keeper of disrepu-
table house at .Muncie, Ind, successfully de-
Tended her door against the assaults Of two
drunken men named Bill Wart and Lou Sut,
ton. With 22-caiber pistol she put six
balls into Sutton and one into Wart. 1t was
thought Sutton would die.
THE Essex Cotton Mills at North
Bennington, VT, and the New Franklin
Paper Mills at Hamilton, o., burned on the
night Of the 18th. The loss in each case was
about $35 900, nearly covered by insurance,
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26
Railroading in Winter.

DURING the recent cold weather, the
travelling public has been loud in Its
complaints about the delay of trains on
the railroads. Even when there was nc
obstruction of the tracks by snow or
otherwise, it has been remarked that
the trains are uniformly run at such a
slow pace as to try the patience of pas
sengers. If travellers who are thus an
noyed knew the reason for this caution
and they can sometimes learn it from
a quiet talk with the conductor they
would cease their grumbling about the
delay. The truth is that railroad en-
ployes are far more apprehensive of &C.
cidents during cold weather than the
travelling public. They know the num-
ber of broken rails and broken wheels
that are daily occurring on the best
built and best managed railroads, but
which are carefully concealed from the
travelling public. They may not be
able to fully explain the action of ex-
treme cold weather upon the tracks,
wheels and running gear of railroads,
but they know the fact and appreciate
the danger of high speed when the
thermometer is thirty or forty degrees
below the freezing point. 1t is fact,
which inquiry at the proper source Of
information viii establish, that there
have been more broken rails, broken
wheels and broken connecting rods on
ehe railroads of the Northern States
during the last six weeks than have oc-
Cured during the summer months in
the last five years. The only wonder Is
that there have not been more serious
aceidents-a fact which may be attrib-
uted to the caution which comes from
knowledge and which should receive
the commentator instead of the COM
plants Of passengers rs.-Neto York San.
The bee, although somewhat Of a
L
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26
The Thirteen and seventeen.Year Locusts.

PROFESSOR G. V. RILEY, Chief OF the
United States chronological Commission,
who has been spending couple of days in
tho city, left last night for Washington.
Meeting Republican reporter yesterday aft
ernoon, the Professor called his attention TO q
dispatch sent out from Washington last week,
In which a statement was imputed TO him
that the locusts or grasshoppers were going
to be bad the coming season. This statement,
the Professor said, was incorrect. 1t was
misapprehenslOn of the language iised by
him in the course of some remarks
made by him before the District OF
Columbia Horticultural Society. His re-
marks were in relation to the seventeen
year locusts, more properly known as the
"cicada," totally different insect-one hav-
ing no power to do great injury. OF this in
sect the Professor said there would be twd
distinct brools, the thirteen-year aud the sew
enteen-year varieties, which will appear in a
large portion of the country, say in about a
dozen different States Including Missouri and
most of the Mississippi Valley States. Their
appearance win be in May and June. Prof.
Riley stated that the simultaneous appearance
of the thirteen and seventeen-year broods hal
not occurred before since the year 1860 In the
same places where they will appear this year.
The cicada are not destructive like the pests
known as grasshoppers or locusts. They have
got sucking beak and therefore cannot de-
your anything The ONLY injury they can do
is done by the female, which has the habit Of
puDcturing the twi IS of fruit and forest trees,
to make holes in which to lay her eggs.
Regarding the grasshopper proper P'of. RI
ley sail the prospects as 10 injury from ihem
are quite favorable, as is judged from the
observations made by the United States En-
tomolosieal Commission last year. He said
he had no reason to fear any serious injury.
1t was found last summer that the eggs and
insects in the natural breeding grounds of the
Northwest were scarce.-St. Louis Republican,
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

THE Pension Appropriation bin, as
passed by the House, appropriates SOS, $780,
3OG.6s,. the largest sum ever set apart for
pensions in any single bill In this country,
and it is said that it exceeds any pension
appropriation ever made by any Govern
ment. The Arrearages bill and the PEN
sioning Of the soldiers Of the war Of 1912
have caused the enormous increase in the
pension list. Over 81, 900 persons, including
the widows Of soldiers, are on the roll as en-
titled to pensions for services rendered In
the war of 1912
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

A DISPATCH from Rome announces
that f. Janssens, Vicar General Of Rich
mond, has been appointed Bishop of Match
ez, made vacant by the appointment Of
Bishop Elder to be Administrator OF the
archdiocese Of Cincinnati, with the right Of
succession. j. C. Neraz, Administrator of
the diocese of San Antonio, Texas, has been
named Bishop OF that See.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

In consequence of Russia's advance
on Hcrat by river and valley, Ayoob Khan
has declared war against the Ameer and al
ready occupied Mainland 1t Is reported
from Candahar that a division OF the Ameer's
army, consisting OF four regiments Of infan-
try and l 900 cavalry, had arrived at Ghuzni.
The news caused great sensation.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

PRESIDENT HAYES has withdrawn the
nomination of Mr.. Forster as United States
Attorney for the Southern District Of New
York, and it is said will nominate man sat-
isfactory to pL- Conkling.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

THE Emperor's speech at the opening
of the Rcichrath refers pointedly to the
peaceful relations of Germany with neighbor-
ing empires, which is interpreted as an indi-
cation OF renewal Of intimate relations with
Russia. The speech also announces stamp
tax, brewing tax and workman's insurance
and trade guilds tax.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

THE Texas Senate committee have
reported favorably on the bill proposing an
amendment to the Constitution prohibiting
the sale, manufacture and giving away Of in
toxicating liquors within. the State, II =
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

IT is announced apparently upon
good authority, that Senator David Davis
will vote with the Democrats in the organi-
Zation of the new Senate.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

AS the result of Senator Conkling's
visit to Mentor, 1t is reported that Mr.. Levi
J.. Morton will have place in President
earheld's Cabinet-probably as Secretary OF
the Treasury.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26
An Incident Of the Flood at Toledo.

MRS. CAsNER, who has lived in the Bethel
for the past five years, on Friday night retired
about 1880, and was awakened shortly after
by the noise of splashing waters. Her son
Charles, aged about twenty-five. was also
aroused by the noises, and took in the situa-
tion. He went TO the front door, at the same
time calling upon his mother to hurry. Mrs.
Casner, desirous of saving at least a portion
of her clothing, was gathering what she could
in a moment of time. "Mother, no times
hurryl" called her son, but before she could
gain the outside door the rushing waters cut
of her escape. Her son, strong. in body and
love for his lame mother, shouldered the pre-
cious burden and carried erthrough the Hood
10 the building occupied by Superintendents
Curtiss and Kline. The family lose all they
had.-TOledO CO.. Telegram.
THERMOMETERS reform late in life;
they never become temperate" until
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

THIRTEENinlore Socialists have un-
dergone trial at Vienna. One was con-
victed of high treason and sentenced to four
years imprisonment, another to six months
confinement, and eleven were acquitted.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

The Michigan Greenbackers have
held a State Convention and nominated
John b. Shlpman, Of Coldwster, for Judge
of the Supreme Court, and Charles G. Will
lets, Of .Gratiot, and David Parsons, Of De-
troit, for Regents of the State University.
There was no talk Of a Democratic coalition.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

The proposed International Monetary
Conferences willtake place at Paris on the
10Th ofApril. Invitations bearing French
and American signatures have been issued.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

THE sundry Civil Appropriation bill
contains allowances for public buildings as
follows: Kansas City, $4,000; Little Rock,
SIS, 600; Memphis, 500, 900; Nashville, $780,
900; Topeka, $4,000; Chicago, $40, 900; Gin
cinnati. S3j0,00O.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

KING, Reform candidate for Mayor of
Philadelphia, beats Stokely, Republican, by
several thousand majority; and Hunter, OPP
position candidate for Receiver OF Taxes, is
also successful. The minor Republican can
didatcs arc elected. Major Lyon, Citizens
candidate Ter Mayor of Pittsburgh, is also
el-s,tNi, ngt -
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

PARNELL has issued an address to the
Land League. In response to request that
he would go to America, he says he deems It
his duty to remain in. Ireland and to occupy
his seat In Parliament during the present
crisis
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26
A Summary of Important Events. 6. {:

SENATORS CoNKLiNG has been on a
visit to Mentor, upon the express invitation
OF Mr.. Garfield, as Is stated BY the Senator's
riandS EM
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

The House Committee on Ways and
Means have elected j. Randolph Tucker, Of
Virginia, Chairninn, to succeed Fernando
Wood, deceased. Mr.. Tucker is Free
Trader, but the change, it is thought, will
make no material difference in the status Of
the committee on the Tariff question.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

A SERIOUS conflict has occurred at
Beyrout, Syria, between the Christians and
Turks, brought ON ty Turk numbering a
Christian. Ten persons in all are reported
killed. 'The excitement was intense and all
business was suspended and the bazaars
were closed ss E .h
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26
THE Kansas Legislature has passed

the iron -clad" prohibition bill. Its proyis-
ions, as indicated, are of the most stringent
character. - G.. So
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

JOHN w. YOUNG, son of the. late
Mormon President, has been arrested IN
Denver, by a United States officer, upon a
charge Of bigamy. 1t is reported the
arrest was made at the instance Of
Ioung's first wife, Libbie Garfield,
whom he married in Philadelphia
some years ago, under the promise that he
would not practice polygamy. Notwitls
standing his promise, however, with
in two years he married an
other woman, Luella Cobb, of Salt Lake,
and his first wife then left him and returned
home, but has recently come West again.
The Mississippi River getsthe follow
ing appropriations under the River and
Harbor bill: From Cairo to mouth Of river,
SlO0,eOe; above NeXsndria, 5000; Cape
Girardeau, $40 200: from Des Moines Rapids
TO the mouth Of the Illinois River, $4,000;
between the mouth Of the Illinois
and the Ohio, S6O, 1000; bar opposite
Dubuque, $500; Hannibal, $25,
900; Natchez and Yidalia, $4,000;
above st. Anthony's Falls, $1,000; from St
Paul to Des Moines Rapids, 500, 900; Quin-
CIV, S1O, 600; ganging the waters OF the Missis'
sippi, ETC., $50, 900; Upper Mississippi, (ope'
rating snsg-boats, building light-draughi
steamers, etc. y 81, 900; Rock Island Rapids
5000: Des Moines Rapids, $4,000; operat'
ing canal at Des Moines, SO, 200,
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

The bee, although somewhat Of a
rover, thinks his first duty is to hum
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-02-26

CAN Boston school-boy be called a
Hubbub?
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-09-17

They who make bed fellows of members
of the canine species must expect, the pro-
verb says, to arise victims of the aatZersr7a-
ta'.s, and our Republican friends having
chosen to pig with the Repudiationists in
Virginia should not be surprised at finding
themselves in queer company Among
the high-fiavored candidates whom the
terms of the surrender of Malone compel
them TO support, Captain Frank Blair, the
candidate for Attorney General, is prob
ably the most fragrant. Not only is he in
favor of scaling down the debt of the
State, but he would extend the same pro-
cess to the obligations of the nation, while
letter bearing his signature has just been
unearthed in which the negro voters of
Virginia are declared to be every tricky, -
cup for the highest bidder" not to be
trusted in politics any further than with
your pocket-book after you are out of
sight" MIR. Blair announces that he never
was in favor of comforting the franchise on
the coloped men, and that 'it would be
better for Virginia il we could get rid of
such class" This is the interest in the
negro and the affection for him which are
entertained by the leaders of the Malone
faction, and it is only because of this inter
est and affection that the Republicans ex-
cuse their support of reputation principles
and practices If the "Bourbons" OF Vir-
ginia are less friendly to the negro than
the Readjusters, their opinion of him must
be remarkably poor onel-N 7. World.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-09-17


Of course Guiteau is a much hated man.
That such should be the case is not only
natural but right, and it is a matter of
pride for the country that in its whole
length and breadth there exists not one
apologist for his crime. That such q
crime deserves the highest punishment
goes without saying; and that such pun
ishment as the law allows viii be visited
upon him. is a matter Of course But this
desire to see him punished has had The
effect of forcing many people and some
papers to applaud. or if they did not ap
plaud to excuse the attempted shooting OF
the assassin by Mason. That deed was
wrong. Il was wrong just as the shooting
of the President by Gnitean was wrong.
and like it should receive its punishment.
Any attempt TO infiict the penalty which
the law would infIict, outside of the law,
is wrong. and should be dealt with
as such II tends to bring law
into disrepute, and offers 70 men .
chance TO infame the violent passions Of
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-09-17
General Grant is undoubtedly s

General Grant is undoubtedly great
maa; he is greater man than most of US.
He has done many things that few men
have done, and tried one thing that certain.
ly, no one ever attempted before, to be
President for third term. But he has YET
some things to learn, If we are to believe
the following correspondence OF the Phila-
delphia Times:
"But why this stir on the hotel veranda
as a stoutish, heavy faced, grim individual
in q suit of sombre black, appears The
whisper goes round There's Grant He
gives Mr.. Jones, of the hotel, his card to
have it sent across TO the cottage, and, su
perior to all conventionalities, sits down in
group of ladies, who greet him. without
taking his hat from his head or his cigar
from his lips,
"'What is that over there |? he says
pointing across the lawn. 1t wasn't there
when / went away
THAT, says one of the ladies, why that
is the track they laid to bring Mr.. Garfield
to his cottage. Did you not hear about it :?
"'No. / didn't hear thing OF it.
Brought him that way from Elberon sta
ton, did they 2
THE boy comes up and says: Mrs.
Garfield says you are very kind, and hopes
you viii excuse her. The president is not
very well to-day,
. Well. says Grant, getting up without
| taking any adieu and addressing nobody in
particular, whenever Mrs. Garfield or Mr.
Garfield wants to see me will be very glad
to call on them"