Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-08-04
IN A NUTSHELL.

ulaCtureu ARTICLES? Because they are
upright, grand and square.
Don't be afraid" said snob to a
German laborer; 'sit down and make
yourself my equal" II would half to
blow my prains oud," was the reply of
the Teuton,
What is smaller than a mites mouth?
A man who reads paper six months
and then refuses to pay for it.
He asked Cincinnati belle if there
was much culture in that city, and she
replied, "You just bet your boots we're
cultured crowd"
A French engineer, after a series of
experiments with loaf of bread baked
by Vassar college girl, now announces
that the project of tunneling Mount
Blanc IS entirely practicable.
European tours will soon become un-
fashionable. The horrible discovery
has been made that it is cheaper to
summer in Europe than at an Ameri-
can Watering place.
An Oswego girl, on being told that
her Ease hair was coming off, replied
that 1t was no such thing, as she didn't
wear false hair. And then she went
and looked in the mirror.
Letters from West Africa concern
ing SANKEY'S expedition show that he
Is Is pushing his way toward the inte-
rlor under many difficulties, cutting a
road over mountains which are very
steep, at an angle of sixty degrees, and
making very slow progress.
Courtney has left the carpenters
bench, locked up his saw, and is prac-
ticing, with cabbage leaves in his hat
and liver pad under his vest, on Cay
uga Lake.-BltfdI0 Neacs.
The American navy is not large. but
it is large enough to furnish sixty Off
GERS, with their families, on summer
duty at that seat of arduous naval la
bors, Newport.
The city pumps of Chicago supplied
100000 gallons of water to the in
habitants every day last week. This is
the greatest amount of water supplied
to any American city except New
York.
During the rage in Montreal for tick
cts to Bernhardt's performance, a
young lawyer named Lavielette was ar
rested for obstructing the thoroughfare
at the ticket office. He was shortly af-
ter discharged, but he brought an ac-
ton against the city for false arrest AID
recovered $500 and costs.
A saloOn-keeper in New London,
Conn, whose lost pocket-book, CON
tanning nearly $40O, was returned to
him by the finder, impulsively ex-
claimed 'You pees Won honest poy;
l will shake NIT you for de drinks"
And they "Shook," and the honest boy
lost and paid.
Tuchmann & Co. of London have in
vented fire extinguishing preparation
which can be kept in powder or solu-
ton. They claim that it is not only
more speedy and effectual in action
than water, but that nothing once
sprinkled with it will ignite. 1t excites
much attention.
A man was found lying unconscious
under a tree, the other day, with three
ribs broken and q severe cash in his
left cheek. In his pocket was found a
little book entitled GLOW to Avoid Ac-
cidents, and What to Do When They
Occur" The injmed man evidently
forgot that he had the timely little
volume about him.
Mr.. TimelytopiC and Mr.. Verybusy
met on the street. and after few min
utes conversation on business matters
Mr.. Timelytopic asked Mr.. Verybusy
If he had seen the comet yet, and was
surprised when the litter replied that
he had not, as he had been out of town
q couple of weeks.
Little Johnny had been caught by
his aunt teasinga fv. "Johnny," said
she, "supposing some great beast a
thousand times bigger than yourself
should tease you and perhaps eat you
all up?" 81 hope," said Johnny, ''he'd
feel as bad as [ dc when I swallow
fly"
In the garden two 6-year-old chill
dren, girl and boy, exchanged Wig
orous blows and scratches, meanwhile
eliminating each other at the top of
their voices like Homerick heroes.
Mamma intcrferes. and, after much
difficulty succeeds n separating them.
"What in the name of goodness are |
you up to, you unhappy little wretch
esp" playing husband and wife, map |
At the Bagshot hncy fair, in which |
royalty shared so ative part, young
gentleman took fancy to certain ar
ticle, and remarked to a lady at the |
stall that it was vGy pretty. She as
scented, adding M mother sent it."
Really" softly resumed the customer.
"WhY, let me Sc; [ almost think / |
must have met Four mother. Her |
name is-?" 'TheQueen," replied the
"saleslady."
A gang of trams have taken pos
session of Lamar lace, Pa, and are
making it very un, leasant for the in
habitants. They hive a regular camp
and live well, stating calves, pigs,
fowls, hams, andvegetables by the
wholesale, and begging bread, salt, pep
per and butter fror the farmers wives.
They also milk thffarmer's COWS.
She damned a haihn in her head
1t made her I'd quite sore
She murlnured in undertone
"'Twon't hahn any more"
Her lover heard tit dreadful Jest,
And cried in dep distress:
That pun, my {aling, pom my word,
Has wreckedHy hairpinessin
This couple, joint the minstrels, then,
But they we not desired;
For all their jOk were and good
And they, ocourse, were fired!
Clipper
Mrs. Nellie G.Nelson, of Sutton, n.
H., recently obtAed very large hens
egg, and on breking it found that it
contained the Rite but none of the
yolk of an egg, ut in addition to this
there was still aDther egg. She broke
this second eggand found the same