The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-05-26
THE NEWSPAPER.
Hezellah Jones, Editor OF the FIapdO0dle
Draws y Few Sketches from Nature.

THE NEWSPAPER.
He.ek,ah Jones. Editor orthe FIapdoodle.
Draws n Few Sketches from Nature.
From the steubenr.lle herald.l ...
The editor of the Evening F2apdoodle
sat in his sanctum the other morning,
just before beginning his days work, and
thought he had brought his paper about
as near perfection as possible for an ordi-
nary-sized town close to half dozen big
cities, and he was wondering how he
might further improve it, when his cogi-
tations were interrupted by an acquaint-
ance,coming in.
.Hello, Mr.. Scissors" he facetiously
said, writing up editorials with the
shears, eh?"
The editor tried to smile at the old
joke, and the visitor went on. 81 tell
you what it is, Jones, you have a pretty
good paper, but what do you want in
town like this with long editorials ? Give
us short ones. You can't mold public
sentiment, you must simply echo it. "
Then he left, and Jones told his associate
not to write any long editorials that day,
as he proposed, for once, to make the
Fzapdoodle just to suit every subscriber
who wanted change. In half hour
along came wicked fellow who talked
newspaper a long while, and then said
he didn't see any use of Sunday reading,
nor any other religious matter in pa
per, and if it was his he would bounce it
the man went away he told his Sunday
editor not to send any matter for that
day. Then Jones rested and thought for
60, H. c,.kr
dropped in. As he knew a good deal
he talked along, and at last said that no
newspaper could be decent which ad-
mitted to its columns any sensational
the most high-toned, any slangy squibs,
or anything which could not be read
without blush by the most capriciously
fastidious. Jones was silent, but later
he went and ordered all that matter set
aside. So far, Jones thought he was
getting things to suit pretty well, and
then another man came in, and like the
others, knew all about the business of
editing a paper. He was city politi-
clan, and said, ''Mr. Jones, you don't
have enough politics. Why don't you
throw out these farm notes.
and kitchen receipts, and odds and
ends of old news, and telegraphic
brevities which we get in the other pa
pers and give us politics? That's what
the children cry for" Again was Jones
silent and later gave orders for the ex-
pulsion of all this Objectionable matter
and waited for the next one. He came
pretty soon, and he had q coffin for a
coat and shroud for handkerchief, and
he smelt like the dust which blows off of
skeleton. Said he, "Jones, I like your
paper, but what do you run that funny
business in it for? It's silly, stale, and
fatter than last years ale with the bottle
left open. What does a man want to
laugh for anyhow? This is vale of
tears and we should always remember
that in the uncertainty of life death may
cut us off with an idle laugh upon our
lips" 'That's SO, " groaned Jones' 'I'll
cut every line of fun right out" and off
he hurried and out went all the funny
business. As he went home at noon he
met lady who said she didn't see
what they wanted to fill paper full of
politics for, because nobody read that.
s.Don't they?" said Jones, ssthen out she
goes" and when he got back it all went
out. 'I'm bound to please 'em all' said
the editor, eff have to buy a new Of
fice." Right after dinner man of business
proclivities came in and said he didn't
see any use of ''these silly little per-
sonals and them short local items that
didn't amount to anything anyway" If
it was his paper he would have some-
thing of higher nature or let the place
go bare. Jones listened and told the
foreman to whack out all that sort of
stuff at once. Then he felt easier, till
lot of pretty girls came in, and, after
making a purchase, asked him what a
| newspaper was filled full of advertise
ments for; nobody ever read them, and
one said she was going to stop taking
the paper if he was going to fill it up
that way. Jones told the young lady he
would have paper to suit every one, or
rather made after the suggestions of
every one, and he hoped she would not
find fault. Then he went and or
dered out every 'ad.' and smack
and smooth, and waited for
the next man. He came along pretty
soon, and said he could stand anything
but poetry, and that was his abomina-
tion in a newspaper, and it never ought
to encounter the columns of local jour
nal, because it was meant for magazines,
and that sort of papers. Jones took it
in, and went out and ordered all his fine
poetry knocked down. Then he waited
again, and woman came in, and said
the fashion notes were no good, because
the magazines had them all in greater
quantity. and another thing she didn't
like, was the markets. "What good
was them!' she said "I don't know >
he replied, $50 I'll throw 'em out. 81
hope you will" she answered, and went
away In ten minutes the markets and
fashions were on the standing galley.
Jones began to look around, and as he
was studying, small boy said to him
that marriage and death notices was
mighty thin readin'," and Jones slung
them clear out into the corner. Aftel
this change he went over into the count
ing room, and an old man was there
waiting to pay his subscription. It's q
good paper, Jones, but in this place you
only want to take notice Of local affairs,
and let all the miscellaneous and general
business Co." and-then Jones gave the
old fellow receipt and rushed back and
took out aal the miscellaneous and gen.
eral matter that was left, and as he tooh
out the last handful a friend came
through the Office and critically examin.
ing his surroundings, said, "The Flap.
doodle 10 good paper, Jones, but do