The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-03-11

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Emulate the mule It Is backward
in leeds Of violence
Jonah was the FIRST conundrum
Whsle gave him mp.
Samson brought down the house. but
nobody called for an encore.
Not ded bat gon ahed" Is the IN
cription on a Dead wood tombstone
TriGes light as hair sometimes trun
tie whole course Of mans appetite
.Ne,c Orieaas Picayune.
TO remove super1uous hair-Send
your well filed mattress TO he done over
by a cheap upholsterer.
The French have no street corner
statues. The man who doesn't move
on j. invited 10 break stone fer ID days.
Daring the census in Switzerland
/ 9l7 women refused to tell their ages,
and each one was returned at 4G and
ard fined 81 20
i When Tommy puts piece Of Johnny
cake ia his pocket for lunch he calls it
an Indian Reservation
I II took the Norristown HeraII to
Iconcoct this ono: Isn't the bew
Brush light simply the old rush light
with a Bonnet n
Ia two years 4 boy eau learn as
much Lam as be can forget in six
months Ter be goes to ~orS fov a
living -Ne,e 0riea1ss Picayafae.
used to believe that women prefer
those whom they think handsome
Error They prefer those who think
them handsome -CharicayF
] We are all ef Us ike the poor ignor-
] ant woman who when asked if she had
/ religion, replied that she hld sligh-
4 touches Of it occasionally.
Il has been decided by Brooklyn
: church that playing cards isn't wicked,
) and tFothirls of the congregation have
}, quit using them-Boston Post.
4 In the theatre; What has become
little Anna, the actress who had such
Gne prospects r. " All, YOU know man
proposes aud" . Aud she accepted =
.c The first thing to do when an Artic
n exploration expedition has been fitted
a out IS to tit out "a expedition to go in
,r search Of the first one. and Sd on
\ Lo,esN Courier.
A bartender of fashionable saloon
! must know how to mix 90 drinks,
D. while Judge Of court needn't know
'e how to make even milk funch.-De-
nt froa Free Press.
II Take back the love thou gav'st me, .
y she sang. 1t was love Of a bonnet,
!, but didn't match her complexion. and
n she wanted him to exchange 1t for one
that did.
lie The business OF editing newspapers,
d the United States Sapreme Court says
\, in a recent decision, has hesome within
lie the past few years an independent
u profession.
, The difference between a self-made
man and a selfmade woman is ten old
J. papers, four hair switches, ninety-eight
hair-pins, and pretty little box labeled
Face Powder"
Q Lady Violet Greyille, who has been
le writing ESSAYS, tells woman to ."beware
of male friends. Female friends are
4 shifty, unstable and not always true,
= but men are worse"
When man puts down bad urn-
:, brella and takes up good one, says
d Josh Billings, che makes mistake !;
but when he puts down a good one and
takes upa bad one he 1aakes blunder.
; An inveterate wag, seeing heavy
5 door nearly off its hinges, in which
a condition of neglect it had been left
I for seMe SINE, observed that when it
, had fallen and killed some one, it would
, probably be hung.
Now, / understand" remarked Ohlen-
: borg with sigh, after vainly trying to
get view of the stage over the bonnet
in front of him Now | understand
what they mean by the height of
fashion.