The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1881-12-25
SOMETHING ORA LIAR.
: raniOlOgY as Discussed in a Brook.
Ign Saloon.

Oh can NUT 0aTk9 round thu
head nohow," said truckman 10
Fulton-street saloon yesterday, rs b,
leaned one arm upon the lunch
. counter AID faced the loungers OF the
place. "You know that buildin
that caved IN over in New York no,
long ago? Well, a Thom pson stree
Zulu was right plumb alongside the
wall when she keeed over. Did he
get fattered cut? Well, guess not.
He just climbed out from q hesp OF
brick and shaok the plaster off him.
saying: "Golly. amt de dust thick
around h'yerP" and walked on. No.
oIr, there amt nothIn' that can crack
u daTky's skull"
"a grindstone can" remarked a
weezsned Iarmer, who had just called
for some apple-jack He had he-eto.
fore been silent, and now spoke in an
oracular manner, which attracted
general attention.
"a grindktont? How's that?' was
asked.
We'll, there was q niger down in
PatchOgue named Oliver Cromwell,
and bis skull was SO hard you could
crack walnuts on 1t. One day nc gut
mad and butted a teller In the
stomach. After the Teller got we'll he
eaId he had thought all along IL was a
cannon bail that had hit him"
but tell Us about the grlndstone?"
"I'm goin to. You sec, Oliver used
10 brsg about his buntin', and would
take up ell kinds OF bets. One day a
Teller bet him fifty cents ne Wouldn' {
dare tackle an old goat that [ kept
shut up in srubblefield with etun
fence round it. That goat was bad
i 'un, and when ne wanted to take a
straign. road anywhere people gener-
ally went around. But Oliver thought
lie could show the goat thing Or
two about buttin'. So he climb.d
over into the stubbleheld, scooted
down and run at the goat. The goat
reared up, set his mead on one side
and charged Just as Oliver bent his
head down to butt a Dit OF the slub5le
prlcked him Ia the nose and mads
him raise up 50 that the goat took
hlm square In the face, instead OF
the c0cOanut. But his 1869 was fat
anyhow so he dIdh't mind il much,
though be let goats alone alter tha.
"Wh&t's that TO do with tie grind
stone?" inquired an impatien, lis
tener.
"Well. you see, ore Saturday night
Oliver was down at the grocery store,
and the grocer had just got lot OF
fresh cheeses from the factory. He
rolled one of 'em up on toe counter
and eaid: 'GeutemeD, there's d COCA
solid cheese f0r you Oliver stood
lOokin' at i ana be says, says be,
Go long Ell [ aas to butt my head
'gainst dat dar cheese, you'd see ne
go froo it like de poDey goes froo de
paper hoops at de circus 'I'll bet
you a dollar you can't' says the
grocer, and Oliver took him up. He
jest sot the cheese up agin the wall.
steppsd back ways. and made a
dive for it, and I'm dsrned if that
nigger didn't butt his head clean
through the cheese. and the grocer
had to pay him the dollar"
''But what were you going to tell
about the grindstone?"
''I'm coming te that You ee,
the grocer felt kind of mean atout
the cheese, so he and some of the
fellers put up a job on Oliver. There
was an old grindstun LYNN round in
the yard back OF the store, no crank
to it, nor uothin' but jest the bare
stun.
1t was a big un, and it took two
men to take it. Well. they took that
ere grinds I'm and put it inside of an
old cheese rind that they'd soooped
out on purpose, with a cheese-cloth
round il, The next Sunday night,
when Oliver came into the store, tie
grocer said: That was a soft cheese
you b1tted through t'other nighi; I'll
bet you . dollar and bali you can't
make q dent in this one here Oliver
mad oHgbt to have smelt a ret,
he didn't. 'All right. says ne, IN
take dat Put up de money. boss.
an show me de cheese what I can't |
'nihilste de fust round The grocer
mad the grindstun on the counter all |
ready, braced sgin q post, and pointed |
it out to Oliver. Oliver run a. it |
like q wild bull and made q butt that |
shook the whole shanty. HS bounded |
back about seven feet when he struck |
that grindstan, and looked round
kind O. dazed like. When he say he |
hadn't dented the thing he 90. down
On q bar'l OF crackers and said he felt |
pow'ful queer. They gave him a
drink. and pretty soon he went out |
without saying anything. That was
only Q week or Two before he died, I |
recollect. he never butted again,
The doctor said he died from acct
dental softenin' of the BRAIN"
Here the old farmer sot down his |
glass, pulled the rim of bis cap over |
his ears, snd prepared to go.
"What do yeu think now after that |
yarni" the bartender inquired of the |
.ruckman.
"Oh, don't mind that" was The |
reply. "I'm something of 6 liaI
myself"