Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-02-10
WEEKLY CHRONICLE.
Advice TO a Young Man.
Burdette's Hawkeye.

My son, it may be that as you grow old
er you will be seized with ambition to serve
your country in the halls of Congress. To
this end, you should begin now to acquire
that polish and easy elegance of language
which will enable you to shine in debate
Read all the daily papers, and thus fa>
miliarize yourself with the manners and
language of the American legislator Cut
out the official report ofthe great financial
debate between the Hon. Mr.. Cleaver and
the Hon. MIR. Shark, tt at it may be TO you
a text book upon monetary matters.
The Hon. Mr.. Cleaver- presenting
this bill for the issue of 10000 200 copper
dollars per diem, Speaker, L am
moved to say"-
The Hon Mr. Shark-"The honorable
gentleman is dirty liar, and dassen' take
it up"
The Hon. Mr.. Cleaver-'Sir. Mr..
Speaker, if the honorable gentleman
doesn't take that back in two shakes of a
sleeps tail 1 will kick the everlasting
stuffin right out of him."
The Speaker-"The gentleman must be
careful in the heat of debate, not to OVER
step the bounds of courtesy and parlia-
mentary usage"
The Hon. Mr. Shark-"The gentleman
is op-eared son of gun from wooden
| shoe county, and he can't whip one side OF
me-"
The Hon. Mr.. Cleaver-"Will the gen
| tleman step out from behind his desk and
put ap his maulers? Dance to me, you
| sucker, L only weigh pound"
The Hon Mr.. Sbark-''I'll slap your
| nasty mouth. you venomous old BEAST"
The Hon Mr.. Cleaver-''Aw-w, shut up,
skinny, what are you givin' us?'
The Hon. Mr.. Groans of Texas-"Black
n he
Other honorable gentleman, from va
rious States, Smear him one! sSend him
one on the paste-horn for luck! Smack
him in the snoot."
The Hon. Can Mr.. Handle, the speaker,
| mildIy-"The honorable gentleman will
please keep within the bounds OF parlia-
| mentary courtesy"
| the air and cracking his heels together
"Whoop! l kin chaw up and carry out
any son of theft between Chicago an d
Cair ! you don't believe it. smell of my
bOOtsp'
The Hon. Mr.. Shark-"Hold me down
somebody! I'm the bad man from river
district and eat raw buffalo, Where do
you want to be hit tirst?'
And just here, the police, on their way
to close disOrderly house in the neigh
borhood, stepped in and closed the de-
| bate.
From this page OF gressional history,
my son, you can see how to direct your
reading, IN order 20 acquire q sufficient
knowledge of financial matters to PARTIES
pate in debate on the funding bill 1t
may be a grand thing to go to Congress.
| won I discourage you, my dear boy, if
| your mbltion leans in that direction. Still,
so long as you have an alternative open.
| so long as you can get stea6y situation as
| cham 5ermaid in a livery stable or CLERK on
a raft, l wouldn't advise you to set your
heart on Congress.
The American people really do not
have very much respect for Congress as q
body. They are always sorry to see it in
session. They are always glad when ii
adjourns. Individually. the membe O.
Congress are, l believe, good citizens
GOOD neighbors, good men. But tor a lot
Of good raw material, my boy, they can
make the meanest aggregate when they
| get together. Don't worry about going to
| Congress. Teemachus. Go to the mines,
or JOIN the Ministries. Your parents will
| think more of you.