The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-02-24
FAOETIE

"Sx into four you can't" as the
shoemaker mildly suggested to lady
customer.
Improbable. An Irishman on seeing
very small coffin exclaimed, "ls it
possible that coffin was intended for
any living creatureY
Her Choice. A young lady was asked
recently which she preferred of two
brothers. She responded, "When | am
with either Of them | prefer the other
Sound advice If you don't want
to be robbed of your good name, don't
have it engraved on your umbrella or
carpet bag.
The sky bus.-A little girl, looking
out of the window the other day, saw a
hearse 90 past, and cried out: "Look,
mamma, here goes the sky bus"
A young lady is gaining great repu-
tation as violinist. Still she is not
the only fair one who has mastered the
art of handling beau,
Writing for the papers. -He told US
that he was now regularly engaged as a
writer for one of the leading dailies
His honest old mother said, Writing
covers at fifteen shillings week"
Save me from my Friends. Isn't
that your friend. Mrs. S., who is dane
ing there?n Yes. THAT'S a fright
fully ill-made dress she has on
Eyes, but if it wasn't it wouldn't fit
her.
Poor Brutes The brilliant Sophie
Arnould, when she heard of a certain
diplomatist that he had been eaten by
wolves, exclaimed poor brutes!
Hunger must indeed be terrible thingN
County Callers. 1t doesn't take long
for rural neighborhood to find out
what kind of carpets and furniture
newly-married pair possesses after the
usual round of formal calls have been
made by observing women.
Fair dues james, did you divide
your paper Of chocolate with your
brother?n -"Yes, certainly, mamma;
| ate the chocolate and gave him the
motto-he is so fond of reading, you
know
Spoonish john said a doting
parent to her gormandizing son, do
you really think that you can eat the
whole of that pudding with impunity?'
IL don't know, MAJ replied the
young hopeful "but | can with
spoon
Too Clever A gentleman, who was
given to boasting and was apt to make
critical comments on the company
whenever he was invited out, said to
Jerrold; Il dined at the warehouses;
the other day, and, would you believe
it, they had no tishN'--Jerrold thought
a moment, and then replied; "Ah. well,
suppose it was all eaten upstairs"
Agenerous triumph'--"What's wrong
between you and Smythe, that you
don't speak?' "Haw! fact is; we were
both wivals for the hand of the same
young lady n celebwated beauty, you
know!-and--well-I don't want to bwag,
but | got the best of it. Poor Smythem
"My dear fellow, a thousand congratu-
lations" Thanks awfly! We both
pIopoScu ldSl Ntth, you hnoW, anu Sne
accepted a-him n-PuRch.
Smart for an old maid. Many years
ago, at a dinner-pary in Glasgow,
there was present an advocate of rather
sharp practice, fond of giving toasts or
sentiments. After the cloth was remov-
ed, and the bottle had gone round once
or twice, the ladies withdrew to the
lighter pleasure of the drawing-room-
all but one very plain old maid. She
remained behind, and as the converse
ton began to get n little masculine, our
friend of the long robe' was anxious
to get rid of the ancient" and for this
purpose rather prematurely asked Mr..
Thumbs the privilege of givinga toast.
This being granted, he rose and gave
the old toast of Honest men and bon
ME lasSses. The toast was drunk
with all honor, when the dame, who
was sitting next to the lawyer, rose
from her seat, gave the lawyer apoke in
the ribs with the end of her finger, and
having said "Mr.--, that toast
neither applies to you nor me, left the
room.