Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1881-01-06
SELF.ACCUSATION.

HAVE frittered away the happiness Of my
why did marry herr had often made
this mental query; did so in the very days
which directly followed our honeymoon.
Still l loved her, as love her still. The fact
is, / should never have married at ALL
She is a most peculiar character. l did
not understand her in her glrlhood, ana, L
fear. do not understand her yet. Ideas are
fermenting within her, of which can form
no conception; and now and then her eyes
reflect strange, incomprehensible emotions,
which soon again disappear to her inner
self, lust like prisoners who at times peep
forth from their bars into the outer world,
and then retire again to the concealment OF
their cells. She is my wife and l hold her
as few other men would. She bears my
name, sits by my side when L drive out, or
takes my arm when l promenade; but
know perfectly well that the loved one be-
longs no longer to me, that she is but the
shadow of the blithe Pauline whom | won in
the bloom Of her rosy youth.
She had been an unlOYed child, Hence,
from her infancy, she had striVen for inde-
pendence, and at nineteen her object was
gained. At that age she was already earn
ing livelihood by writing for different pub
locations. That was for her perlod, OF
struggling and suffering, which taught her
lessons that are seldom learned until the
hair is already silvered, which imposed bur-
dens upon her that should by right be borne
only by age and manhood. But she knew
how to preserve her youthful freshness OF
mind and body, she conquered all hard
ships, and was when / first met her an ad-
miTed and cOurted authoress. But now, eX-
isting in happy independence and easy cir
cumstances, she failed TO pronb by the les-
sons taught her in bitter experience. she
remained a woman-whose reason is inn
pulse, whose principal is inclination, whose
whole being is one breath of love.
She was not beautiful, hardly even pretty,
but there was sOmething-I dOn'tknoW what
jim her enchanting face, in the unaffected
efferyescence of her ways, that beWttched
everybody. For her sake, old men as well
as Young ones became guilty OF the most
egregious folies. She did not trust them;
her experience protected her from that; but
perhaps she amused herself with them till
ahe was tired of them or until new whims
engaged herfancy.
III was in the country that I learned to
know her, Although distantly related, we
had never met. So fate brought me during a
summer vacation to my aunt, wins. was living
in a small, picturesque village on the Pataps-
co Had Ibeen cOgnizant OF Pauline's pres
ence / Should not have gone thither. en-
tertained sort of aversion for the woman.
what | heard of her in the city was not cal
cuhted to raise her very high in the estima-
fion Of staid, digniied limb Of the law like
nv aunt received me warmly, but her
first words after the greeting, the announce
ment that Pauline had come week before,
and would in all likelihood stay some time
Longer. threw a chill upOnme. / could not
Altogether conceal my displeasure. My aunt
observed il. ,,-.
TCome, come, George" she said, ''do not
condemn her before YOU know her; this you
viii have ample opportunity to do in the
time YOU remain here"
Pauline was not in the cottage. After ex-
.,,,iTin,g INV room. disposing OF my luggage,
and arranging my dress strOlled into the
woods to seek my fayorite hsqnts; Nearing STi Z;
tbo strseTn I was wont to frequent on former
visits TO nv aunt, 1 was suddenly arrested
in my progress by the menaeing grOTTls Of Of 3 3
dog. Peering through the ,sh oushes, ,ea,b saw :
Shady holly; at her feet lay a large New;
foundland, who had raised his head and