The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-03-04
(nrooklyn kagla.)
sPe0PRNDYkE's CALLS.


dyke, "let mo see tho list of ladies you
wish mo to call on. really don't wish
To go around much, but man must do
what his wife wants him to do on Now
Years day. Where's tho list T.
"IIere it is, said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
iluttering around with hor hair in her
mouth. al wrote them all out with
the address for you, so you wouldn't
have any trouble"
"What makes you put old Sister
Lamb at the head of the list r growled
Mr.. Spoependyke. "She's got wart
on her chin the size of fire bell, and
she can't talk of anything except the
advantages of eggs over stove coal for
heating the Sunday school"
But she belongs 10 tho church, and
| don't believe any oxe else will call on
her," ," reasoned Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Sho
will be tickled to death to SEQ you"
"What do you think I'm starting out
fori" demanded Mr., Spoopendyke,
fercely. "Got an idea I'm going
around like missionary TO carry tho
Gospel to people every ybody else is
afraid off What's this second name
here Who's Mrs. Shklymbretoy'
That's Mrs. Wolvcrton. promised
her you would call Never mind Mrs.
Lamb, but you ought to call on Mrs.
Wolverton."
"What for . What has ske got in
common with me, except that her bones
are hollow She don't know the diff
ference between Guinea pig and the
burning of Jerusalem. She always
wants to know if / don't think that
Sodom and Gomorrah were parallels
Is that the kind Of list you've made
out Want me to run around among
the old monumental Who's Miss
Swash =
That's Mrs Smith, the little widow.
You know she's interested in sending
women out west TO get husbands. She'll
amuse you"
''She will il she sees me. She'll
make me laugh like a hyena if she gets
one eye on me. Who's that yellow
headed girl that siIs two pews in front
of usi I'd like to call on her now"
"She's little chit of thing. You
don't want to run after those young
people--a man Of your age"
What's the reason don't r. hoslcd
Mr.. Spoopendyke. ''Got au idea that
/ only care for the tough old people,
haven't youf Think I'm sort sf Ply
mouth Rock, don't you Got any mare
old landmarks that need inspectionf e.
II don't care I" remonstr,ted Mfs.
S-oolendykr, Indignantly; They're
nice people nnl liketo cultivate them.
They NAV b'' along il, life, but they
can't help it"
"Cultiva:e 'rm if you want 10,
crowled Mr.. SponpendYke "but il you
think I'm going hoeing around among
'cm on the lst Of January you're left
What dye want to cultivate eth for
With your friends aud ideas you need
only weekly pray ers and sn alarm of
fire To lee an old wonau's home Who
else have you here Mrs. Sliggous
pratt, Mrs. Wooptrnsloueh, Miss
Mimpzf-P
"iou don't read tkem right ut NIL, ;"
complained Mrs. Spoopendyke That's
Mrs. Silverspoon. and Mrs. Wnrthiug
ton, and Miss Hemmingway. They're
just as nice ~ they can be."
"Are they the three old wor HES
who howl in the choir r asked Mr..
Spoopendyse, sternly. They've got
grandson old enough to DO my father"
'They haven't" sobbed Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke. "You know better"
"Well, most of 'em have Whas
dye want me to call on them fort Got
any more old almanacs expecting mt
Where's the Sphinx You haven't got
the Sphinx down here, nor the Tower
of Babel Who're these other pyra-
midsl Who's Mrs. Upsidodown
That's Mrs. Edgeiton. She sent
You the jelly when you were siclc, and
You said she was the best woman in
Brooklyn. You'll have 10 call on her
for politeness," said Mrs. Spoopendyk ke,
severely.
81 won't either p shouted Mr. Spoo-
pendyke. Tho Jelly was sour, and
she made mo pay a dollar toward u
plaster Of Paris angel for starving
family out in Flatbusb. Who's this
other nurse of George Washington's
Here, this is a mistake went to old
Miss Schumslock's funeral thirty years
ago"
"You didn't; you never did p pro-
claimed Mrs. Spoopendyke, thoroughly
aroused. "That isn't her name either
It's Miss Schoiield, and she is the best
friend I've got. I'only want"
81 know what you want" hissed Mr..
Spoopendyke. "You want few more
acquaintance, and a map, to be guide
book to ancient Troy. Think I'm 60
ing to call on that old monoitb 2 Got
anything here that belongs to modern
tim'sl Know anybody who has been
dug up within six or eight centuries 7
Who's that back-eyed girl in tho Bible
class : Don't she hang out flag to-
dayP
81 wouldn't look at her." shifted
Mrs. Spoopendyke. 81 wouldn't have
you go there for worlds. Besides, she
don't receive"
whats this ?" demanded Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. whats Mrs Wimpqstyx
got to do with it, What cemetery will
| | find her in z"
That's Mrs. WilIoughbyl" exclaimed
Mrs. Spoopendyke, complacently. "She's
the young widow who recently joined
the church"
Don't mind calling on her," said
Mr. Spoopendyke. "She wasn't born
more'n 1000 years before The Christian Il
era. "Got any more like her. Does
this measlY list contain any more who