Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-05-07
CHOICE CHIT CHAT
On Moral and Miscellaneous
Matters.

Matters.
Cullsd for Saturdays Register.
1t is one thing to try to behave like
a gentleman and quite another thing 10
be q gentleman and not need to try.
We can't repress a sob of sympathy
for the Irishman who said that he ran
away from his father the very minute
he discovered that he was only his
uncle.
A good excuse for a bad act reminds
US OF the English lady who bought a
salamander safe and had 1t put in her
stateroom so that her valuables would
be safer in case the ship should take
fire.
There is a good moral in the story Of
the German who declared on a certain
occasion he had narrowly escaped
drowning, and who, on being asked
how, replied, "By not going in the
boat"
A German philosopher is puzzled by
a very serious question. II it be true
that every dog has his day it must GER
tainly be also true that there are more
than three hundred and sixty-five DAYS
in the year, but exactly how many, who
can tell until some one counts the
dogs?
We have heard OF the Methodist min
ister who changed his parish so often
that at last he was accustomed to say
that he was settled on horseback, and
il must have been his daughter who,
when asked where her native place was,
replied that she didn't have any, because
her father was Methodist parson.
Fitting emblems are not always APP
preciatSd. The neighbors OF poor fell
low who died erected a tombstone to
his memory and had placed above it the
conventional white dove. The widow
looked az it through her tears and said:
alt was very thoughtful to put the
bird there, John was So very fond of
cunning, and it was an especially suit
able emblem"
The peculiarities OF the Hebrew as a
shrewd tradesman are seen in every
transaction, as the experience OF those
who buy will sbundantly testify. "What
was there wrong" said Jewish teacher
to his scholars, Gin the sale of Joseph
by his brethren" The school was
hushed to silence for a moment, as no
one seemed to know exactly where the
transaction was faulty. At last little
boy held up his hand. well, Franz"
said the teacher, won't you tell these
older scholars" The boy lisped out,
at was wrong because they sold him
too cheap, sir.
The old saw which says, "Time is
money" like many another saw of the
same kind, may or may not be true. A
poor, .disconsolate Frenchman leaned
against his mantel, and philosophical
thus:-"They tell me that time is. money,
but cont understand it. 1 am look
ing about for music scholars, and find
none. have all my time to myself, but
have no money. On the contrary, ii
| had scholars / should have plenty of
money and no time TO myself. Ii
seems to me, therefore, that not TO have
any time is money. PdrbIeT Philoso-
pliers don't know as much as they think
they do"
Domestic affection is undoubtedly
more nearly universal than We are apt to
think; but it must be confessed it has
very queer way of showing itself some
times. A small boy went into achemist's
the other dav-not an American, but
German chemist, OF course-and said,
Father sends the money for your bill,
sir, and here il is" The chemisblooke
rs though he might possibly have some
little faith in his own prescriptions, and
asked cheerily. "Well, my lad. has the
iever left your MOTHER The boy
answered quickly, "Ges, sir. the fever
has lett and mother has left, too. She
died this morning anu father sent me
here to say that he's much obliged to
you"
Human nature is so constituted that
il il has an ache or pain which ceases
on occasion it must needs do something
to end out whether il is still there. Ten
minutes after q raging toothache has
stopped you always try an experiment
in order to see whether the ache has
taken its final departure. We are all
like the Russian peasant who said, DOC
tor, whenever | shake my head l have
a terrible shooting pain in my brain.
"Why in the world, then" replied the
physician, do you shake your tadT'
The peasant thought moment and then
answered. "Why, Doctor, have to
shake my head to see whether the pain
is still there" The hardest thing to do
is to let well enough alone.
Curiosity is the source OF great evi
sometimes. 1t takes very little to per-
suade us that there is something wrong
about our neighbor, and once having
made up our mind that there is some
thing wrong We begin to watch him in
order to find out what it is. The Ger
mans have a word which is peculiarly
fitted to these hunters after bits Of garh-
age. "Nosewise" they are cal!ed-ps'.
pie who are forever shutting the air lot
an evil portent. They have another
wcrd which is equally significant and
equally applicable. Ii is "foreloud,
and refers to people who make them
selves heard before there is any occasion
TO speak. Hall the trouble in the world
would be abolished il men and women