The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-08-18

HUMORS OF THE DAY.

CAPT. EADs has quite an admiration
! for the offspring Of Africa because it's
apt to be little jetty.-Y Yonkers Ga
sette.
In BALTIMORE fine of 81 is imposed
for every oath used. A newspaper man
on princely salary would die pauper
in that city.-Moder7a Argo.
[ A CANADA farmer discovered . pit
containing 500 skulls. Must have been
the site of an ancient theater to have had
SO many dead heads in the pit.
DIS vas der vinder NIT mine disgon-
tend !" remarked an excited Teuton %
the window sash came down upon his
neck while he was looking at a bicycle
race.
A BRIDE is reported to have lately
said "I told all my friends to have my
name put on my presents, SO that if di-
vorced George should not be able to
claim them"
NOTICE at the door of q ready-made
clothing establishment in one of the
poorer quarters of Paris Do not go
somewhere else to be robbed walk in
here. ."-Aryonaast.
IT Is now claimed that Satan pre-
W
y Herald, p. l. Has it been demon
strated p Commercial Bulletin. Yes,
it is the latest Development.
BEEoHER says that Hades is a State
rather than place. He doesn't say
what State, but g Go to Texas" has al
ways been considered synonymous with
that other profane injunction.
We DON'T see why the revised edition
won't suit big percentage of the folks.
It has just as handsome bindings, looks
as we'll on q centre table and is Just
as good to press leaves with.-Boseoss
Post.
OH1o's valuation is said to have in
creased only $13, 600, 600 in ten years. In
view OF the fact that half the State has
been holding Office during that period,
the story may be considered a ie.-.BOs-
ton Post. 1853
A QUINCY lady who feels aggrieved at
notice in recent number Of the Argo
threatens to box our ears. This wop1d
make live boom in the lumber btlsi-
ness and cause the hearts of several idle
carpenters to rejoice. Argo.
CLERaYMAN-" No, my dear, it is i'm.
possible to preach any kind Of sermon
to such congregation of asses"
Smart young lady" And is that why
you call them dearly beloved breth-
rem P Columbia Spectator.
A CMoNNAr1 youth practced smoking
cigars and blowing the smoke from his
nose, but just as everybody thought him
awful smart he became deaf, and il
likely to remain so.-Detroit Free Press.
He must have had a very poor nose for
hearing.
WHEN young man devotes fifteen
minutes to arranging his necktie ON Sum
day evening, and brushes his hair with
a little more particularly than usual, it
is sign that he has pressing" bust
ness on hand, and will get into tight
sqeeze before midnight.
UNDERSTAND that your son is a bach
elor Of arts" said Mrs. Brown to Mrs.
Homespun, whose son had just been
graduated at Harvard. "Well, yes, {"
replied Mrs. Homespun; eyes, he's Q
bachelor but he's engaged. ."-Boston
Transcript. -
WILLIAM PENN was very honest man.
He would not rob the Indians of their
lands. Not bit of it! He honorably
gave them seven pounds of bread and
some jack-knives for the territory of
Pennsylvania. Such honesty cannot but
be rewarded. ed.-Boston Post.
WHEN I have prepared remarkably
good Sermon" said Rev. Mr.. Gushwelf,
sit generally happens that have a very
small congregation to listen to il. !"
"What a memory you have p exclaimed
Fogg, in tones of astonishment /;
chow long ago was it that you prepared
that sermon, did yousay.-Boston Tram
Rcs.is1f