The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-02-02
THE RIVER Pr
FLOATING FANOIEs.

Now lust listen to those cats
Horrid cats!
How their c~aterwauling all repose and sleep combats!
Hear them bowling, bowling, bowling,
In the silence of the night,
Splitting forth their spiteful growing,
And Their cursed, dismal yowling;
How they yell, yell, yell,
Like q pack Of fiends from hell,
| Tn their wierd con-cat-enation of unearthly shrieks
and squalls!
worse than cries from fifty brats
Is the racket Of those cats
Of the cats,
who win drive is crazy with the horror Of their bawls.
The trouble about an <'open winter is that
too much cold weather is apt 10 get in.
A gun is loaded with powder; q table is
loaded with the delicacies Of the season.
Both go off and both kill.
sWhen [ de-" said a married man, II
want to go where there is no snow to shovel"
His wife said she presumed he would.
81 believe in ventilation" said q New Ha-
ven man, proudly. Il have q fresh heir at
the house this morning-weight g pounds.
A disappointed mother II wanted to
have for sons-in-law, counts, barons, mar
quises. Instead Of that I have-what? 4
wagon painter and a letter carrier!!"
An exchange says the national debt, in sill
yer dollars, could be removed by rail by load
ing {. $50 cars with ten tons each. We can't
believe it. # it was SO, why isn't it done?
Il see you are generally FULL remarks a
person who sends q poem, ''but | hope this
NAV get in" Notwithstanding the cruel
charge Of the writer, her request was grant
ed as 0 as the basket could be emptied.
Among the replies to an advertisement Of
a music committee for an organist, etc., was
the following: 'Gentlemen, I noticed your
advertisement for an organist and music
teacher, either lady or gentleman. Having
been both for several years, I offer you my
services"
There are none so deaf as those who won't
hear. Gather" said a young reprobate,
pitching his voice so the old gentleman would
be sure to hear, 'let me have $780," "Eh,'
said the parent, inclining his ear. Let me
have 5000" I heard you quite distinctly the
first time, my son, quite distinctly
A clergyman lost his hat one evening, and
was obliged to 60 home with a shahbier one,
which had been left in place Of it. Next
day the hat was returned by the penitent APP
proprietor, who thus apologized ell new
er take a minister's hat again. You cannot
think what queer things I've had running
through my head ever since | put that hat
on"
It was on the Burlington railroad train and
politics had given way to theology, and the
young man with a turban hat had the floor,
and was denouncing the old-fashioned idea
of hell. "I tell you," he cried, "man was
never intended for such a fendish punish
ment. God never made me for kindling
wood sReckon not" said the old parson,
back near the stove ''too green"
Sol. Smith Russell tells the following story
of his experience as an entertainer: At a
small Ohio town, where be had given a per-
Torrance the night before, he met at the de-
pot the following morning an elderly granger
who, peacefully munching a huge quid OF
tobacco, intently eyed the humorist and final
" said ssSay, mister, han't you the Teller
wot give the show up to Shoots hall last
night?" '.Yes," replied Russell, II did give
an entertainment last night" "Wall, I
thought you was the chap. I want to tell
you bout a boy o mine. You ought to have
him; he's jest the Teller for your show he's
the biggest fool I ever see.