davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1881-03-05

Tile last Issue Of the Californian contains
some extremely interesting Information con-
ccrninE cuucatf0n In japan, contributed by
tho C0liaMl-Genernl ut Yokohama, III reply to
a1l article upon the sa,ua tonic which hasl
been previously printed IN the same mag,-
zine, and written by Mrs, Marlu uowla.lsl.
1t Is in correcting the errors nsade by this Indy
thAt the Consut-Gencral brings ont his most
Interesting fucts. Tle statistics which ho
gives nre as follows: Number OF elementary
schools, 25,471; number OF teachers, IS, Ell
number Of school population, 5,:a,ol ,s07: NUM-
her OF pupils, 2,0BU, ,5G0. liz n.ltls: "'rhu per
cunt Of pupils TO school population, there
fore, seems 10 be about :}Q,3 Tliore nro $50
schools OF higher grade With 0l0 tcnciers
nll u, IT, schnlars, a11d also nlnuty-slx nor
mil sctln0ls with 7W teachers md
1919 students. md two universities" :"
In another part OF Ills article lle
brings out pecnlfarfty Of the Jap-
nnese. Their chief difficulty In ettuca-
tion, hc suys, Is tllclr vautty md their lEsn-
cl1natlon to sterly, continuous application.
"Thuy learn rapidly, and quickly come to
believe they have acquired everything wurtl,
knowing, and their foreign teacherS and ns-
sissants are gotsen RID nf us so0r as possible u
At Yokohama tllero arc 10 foreign tenchers
employed, Ind competent, skilltu'. and ex-
lerieliccd ilgn aru constantly being dis.
cl!arRctl. mo less than fourtce! ut once
were II few dnys ago tlischarged, he says,
"fratn the Engineering Department alone,
leaving MI ts aifnirs III tho l,u,!tts of youths
who, however excellent ~ students, canno!
be expected to. md crrtnihly do not, lnyg
, 1881-03-05

rancnu, thence on tho bottom OF Ito Alcdstcr-
talieal to Italy, thence through Italy and
over the Alps anti through France ansl
across tl,e lsittsl, Chnnnrl to London. Not
stopping there, IL Et'es to vutei,t1a, OH the
west coast nf 1,rlattt, Md spcctls ncross tho
Atlnntic to Newfoundland, tl,oncc to New
York. hn,l fru,I, New Ynfk across tho con.
tFncnt To Sam francisco, a't oil tho following
nlnrning II Is printed 1T every daily nswspa-
per in thu rfsllizu1 worlll,-a thousand of
them In this country. Is there anything
nnrc marvellous III tho "Arabian Nights"
tFIn' that uI,c IN CEtEcngn catl nit down to
breakfast anil rcatl the "details 0f II bntlLo
TINT taots placo the day befora III the south
crnmost pnrts ut Afrtcn, thirty degrees hc-
low the equator, and almost ut the MI.
1innirs0
, 1881-03-05
PUBLIC OPINION,

New York Tri6nHc: The British reyerss
In South AfrIca ls to bo Inscribed to tho weat.
ness OF Con. C0!lcys force aud 10 TIM audaoi.,
Of Its ndynncc. Finding during thu last wect
of January TINT tho Rarrlsons In tho Traos,ooj
woro surrctdurInG In quick succession, np .e,
ont with 400 md possibly 1900 tncn, nut eyrs
waiting for tho rclnforccmcnts which Ind 1hnBct
Oil the coast. His plan wns to relieve tho varr.
sons nt once atld to restore tho authority Of tha
Crown before tho Bocrs. emboldened by ,ho,
OWL Successes, could receive Irregular rcIn.
forcemonts from tho Orange Fro State.
III u fortnight ho was lighting 10 keen
hta communications open, md now thnn
eSiSn ~ Ps9 %nr os isa T. so peeEs and
crltluIso ueu. Galley for advancing Into ' tha
cnctny's country with mn Inferior lorcu and NJ
better thnn 1lusutos+ Tho liners havo alwaYs "
been considered cxcellont marksmet, biIt In ,bis
enhancement Tiny displayed tho highest quail.
fotlr ttmcs with tho sarno stolid courage Shown
" tho lllsslanat whom thoy wnro hurried, regl.
1aent Aftes reR!mcnt: apailist tho earthworks Ut
llatint. Hut even IT lie iinterrnted tho txhtinv
HHnlitscH pt tho Dutch TURNER'S, he Is nut 10 IT,
hasti'y cDHdgsnnpd for pinnntnR IN a,,daeloug
erals Iii 4ifghnnIsian during Tho Inst Two scnrs
who iimh hmsclf fcoh.y supported In critical
emergency, with tho risks increasing every iaY
has ITO nthGr resource thAu b0llucss which lacks
llttln OF beiuK rAshfltSs.
New York TE,ncs: Tile record of President
Hayes Administration nlny be regarded as ulads
up, It cannot yet be y!cwcd IN tho Impartial
light of history, and no Judgment pretending 10
cntfro accuracy emu now he passed upon It; but
IN hooking over 1t In its completeness We nuy Is
abtc to 10 fair degree Of Justice to Its pur.
poses and to Its achievements. SO far rs tho
Southern policy Is concerned. tho explanation
tnalo In behalf Of the Administration goes far
to qualify Its clattls 10 peclJ[lne n1crt Thcre II
, 1881-03-05
PRESIDENT GARF1ELD's 1NAuuURA.

kAEoluEN1 0AAC 4EAU0 4NfuHUhA1.
The inaugural Of tho new President Is
worthy Of tho OCCASION. Fow men in public
life could have produced it. WhtIu 1t slcasa
with tho serious political questions of tho
ttay inn practical way, 1t Is adorned will,
tic graccs Of style and dletIon. 1t, IL ut oncu
dly,ililet and familiar. 1t opuns witt, hnl.l
figure rclating to tho history of tho country,
md closes with asl Invocation Of Dlylnu guttt-
anec anl protection for tho fntare. Between
thesc extremes IL touches Oil tlle Important
Issl,es to w,tcl, tho new Administration will
tltltlrcss Itself.
Tho illst words Of tho now-lna,|o President
were:
over',oks i hundred yunrs II Natlonal llip.--lt
century crowded with l,ur'ls, hut cruwuud with
the triumphs Ut liberty and love.
Remembering tlla situnton MD tho circuu,-
statlces, tho appropriateness Of the 'ttgura
must bc conceded. Tho speaker, sta.,dtng
upon tic stops Ut tho Capitol, which IL ITSELF
ut tie summit Of hill, locked down upon
thousands OF his countryn!Un wilosu fnces
were upturllet tn catch Ills words 1t WINS
wrll TINT l,u slInuld remind them Ut the Ills
tortcal omlnenco upon which they aud all
tlleir fnllow-oitIxolls were plncrd. TIlis hu
did briefly alsd III striking language. liz
called to mind thu fact, forgotten, It ii to bo
feared, BY most Ut tlloso WIN lenr.l him,
that tho first articles OF confederation were
naoptc.l t00 years and three dRys ago. Yes
tcrlay might, therefore, DO appropriately
celebrated rs tho centennial If constitutional
government. In this cnnlltry. And what u
marvellous Growth md prosperity Ind bcun
euJoyul in that Interval! "'rhe Constlt,,-
tlon adopted III 1880 WIS suggested
alll made lWsSIbla by tlle articles Ut c0,ltot-
Grafton, md under It twenty-five Suites 1.ayo
beeu aided to tho orIglnul thirteen. tho urea
Ut thu country has leen multiplied llfty.fol>l
[len Il, ntnl tho population Is twenty times
whit 1t was l0o ycars ago. Tho people l,ayc
beun psosperetl not only III th0ir material
circumstances, but In their lM,lttIcal condl-
ton. They are all iree,!lon. The Civil War
fulfilled t!ls PROMISE of l770 by proclun!-
tnG liberty throughout the laml tn oil
tito Inhabitants thereof And tho Uutoll
emerged from tie blootl md !ire Ut that con-
atct purified! ami mat!o stronger for all tho
brnclieunt purposes Ut good government"
:I'llu emancipation Of the co!Ured race In
ti.v opinion of President (;arllnld IL tho most
important political ellnngo wo liayo known
sincu The nl0ptDn Of the Constitution fM 1857.
1t Inns freed lis from tho danger of war nlul
dissolution, all,l llas ntlstea Immensely to thu
llluraI aiul material forces Ut tilo SatiolI Tho
great prubIGm Ut American stNtrsMnnsh!p to,
| day Is lhe settlement OF ule questions arising
| out Ut that intsI!entous net. Segro-AulErgc
was u corol!asy ot emancipation. "'rherc
was uo middle ground TOR tho negro sace be,
, 1881-03-05

AS WILL be secn by our te!egrapl,c dis
patches from Washington, tic SenntU failed
to tako NJ the Congressional Aprort!onncnt
bill, fixing tho number Ut members Ut tllo
liouse Ut Representatives Mt Jlp. whtc!, !.at
Just passed tho tlouse. 1t not merely failed
tn plss t1so bill, but 1t refused to pVss 1t. It
adjourned without action. although 1t hasl
MI abundance Of time III which to consider
a1al vote ,lpolt tho measure. The Senators
were sour, silllsy, and malignant because OF
tho veto Ut thu attempt to stub tho National
banks. a'Il wera too m,cl out Of l,un,or to
.o any further business, although abundant
tInle rcnlalncd ut tlloir disposal.
Tie effect Ut this would bp. perhaps, 10 sub
jcct several States to tho expense Of callng
extra sessions Of .tlotr Legislatures fur tie
purpose Ut nppartion!ng their Statcs were
IL not for lilo fuct that 1t IL morally certain
that jl0 will bs the number which tho present
Congress Will, wllen 1t ceIlyuncs, Tx upon as
tho membership oi tho House. Tint being
the case tllere fs III rells0n why, as fur us
Illinois Is concerned, tho Legislature
now In session shuufd not proceed tu
divide TIC State into twenty Congress
sional districts, US twenty will bs thu
number which Congress Will give it.
kulsas, Michigan, Missouri. and IeMnsyl-
yai.ia, WHICH aro the other Suites tllnt Will
lsaye u hold extra SESSIONS II they do not
,sakc I'LL superintendent now, might follow
t's1ssasne pIa.I, They know perfectly well
tho number 0f Representatives to which tliey
vii bo entitled untlur the apportlonnent To
be lnadb by tho present Congress, ulld there
Is no re4sson why they cannot now do the re-
, 1881-03-05
STATE SOVEREIGNTY DEFEATS THE FUND.
ING Bill

Tho Democratic Congress adjourned yes-
tertay without making my provislon fur
fun1lng tho outstanding b0ntla which will
nature III May ind July ltxt. These bon,ls
nre OF two classes: tpcr cent bo,Itls Ut 1S6k
which fa!i due July I. 1851, amounting to
$40! .:sdt' $50, AMI which are payable oil tie-
lnMI ut maturity; md 6 per cent bortls,
payable utter May !, 1881, al tho option Ut tho
Government, amounting to s469, $50; the
two classes Of bonds making u total ut
Su7l ,07U,UD.
TIe tature to pass n f.,lling bl! imposes
UPON the Government tho necessity aud cost
OF paying tho present Aigl1 ratts Ut interest
oil tllesu bonds from tho uato Ut their falling
duo untll suci, tinle next winter US u new
, 1881-03-05

ST.. Louis md rnledn haye now Il chance
During tho twcnty-four hnurs ending ut noon
yesterday only 1.000 hogs a'.tl eight ears Of
c,rn Were received III C!ic0go! II Is truo
tlie railroads wcrc blocked with snow, md
trains could not chter the city, but tho fact
remains TINT the grntn rccelpts full Off to the
level Of tho regniur receipts Mt rotudo, aud
nenrly rs low MS tl0so OF st. Louis. Tile
ctlance for St Louis to shaw the rapid .lc.
cline OF Chicago Is too Immense TO bo neg
lnnfa1
, 1881-03-05

OnEGoN Inns 4 yery peculiar way Of reEu-
!atinK .ao Iia,'nr traitlc. Every nai, who drinks
IS ia year, aud uess he Ia armed with this uci1-
mont he cai,nnt obtain his llttNrs ut my hotel,
bar Or sAls'o'l rs It. IN penal nlfenso to sell 70
my person who duos not pnnscBa the requlalt
piss E[e|IGHpc.
This Oregon net shows at least TINT tho people
OF thns thr"oG Stnto hrc logical III tholr treat-
mont Of tue afquor question, Nnd thut tloy hnyo
aimed ut tho right fellows, md may, perhaps,
help c,,ro tho evil resulting from intoxicnslon.
1t Ia nlso what tho proh!bltIonIats should de-
land, FOR certainly they TO not euro for tho
comparatively smal Quantlty Of ltquor xho
sellers themselves may drink. They don't caro-
to stop them from drinking 80 mitch ns to stop
tho great public from lncnchlng their thirst,
and how can they accomplish this better
tiom l'y requiring every 1nan who wants to
"taiso something" to purchase IL license ut
goo4l round price anu hnve It registered III he
would rcgater bis dog license, md G!yo sufficient
hands tint he won't drink too often Or too much?
Thurc would probabty not bo much moro hos
tfIlty to system OF this kind than there IS when
they attempt to punish tho men who sell
tho liquor to tho multitude who wnnt to
drink It. nut tho Oregon price of per-
mission 10 drink n Rluss nf liquor IL altogether
too llght,-If prohibition IL tho ai1n. For
revoluo purposes 81 or Stu forn drink Ink lIaensu
would yfultl nllaldsnule susn but, II the object Of
tho license IL to compel tcctotnstn, nhaut 81 200
Ia the proper figure. Tho Nmtional Guard Of tho
6tAta might 10 utl!zr.l to asaist tho teetoniGra
to compel tho rny,nent Ut tho biE license purn,it
Or SEQ that tho unlicensed crowd went thirsty.
4 ttlnusnnd-lo!nr license to drink would 1ncun
business, especially II it wore accompanied with
tho eondition utat tho license must 10 rcKs-
tered, and, parh0ps, pr1nt1l like tho marriage
licenses In tho tlt!y papers, aud With tho addl-
tonn condition that tho Isfnker must bu ,insler
police inspection, 50 that TO only tnkcs tho num-
Der Of drums ur lagera ppr 1icn. eas1ud for by
his penso. There would 10 sonlo sens9 III q
syRtctn like this, for It would strlko at tho yc:y
clnss Of man the Proh!bltion!sts waut to reach.
1t IL Just rs easY to prevent ttnln from drinking
by Il hiKl.i!censc system as III nny othor wMy: ut
lcnst thoy might test Its efficacy Gy trying It otl,
1t hus tho EerIt Of novelty. nul It allns ut tho
class thDY Must WNtlt to rnllGh.
, 1881-03-05

WIN Inv. rnu,Ea,noi NJ nrev;t,us Attmtu;s.
tro,tsns f,r want of stnrrr1ty n,u franknrss
NJ Ia t,,e,r int,mt1onB cuuu,,t truthiutly inv
lin snu,c ,,cc,,a,tIou Mt the ,nnr or tbts nne.
ali +. u,lcrul.r suys lilo President. "that In
n,o,,v communities ,,nsrro c,t,zens oro denied
FIN, frcptlpu, or Inn haIlot.n Tho excuses for
thc,r ,Efsfronchtsnu,rnt orc nal sutIicten,. 4
Ind jpcnl nuycrnnent II a nrcnt evil: bnt tho
v1o1ntinn of Inn urlncin1r nf eoual suIrrnno IL
morc tI,nu mn ny,l. It i'm crInno which, II
ncrsiatc4t IN. viii ,lcstroy tl,e Government.
"su;c,,t, ia mt n rpmptfv.u "so far ns ,ny
uulllortty can lawfully extoutt." tl,o l'resl-
tlpnt .lrc1nrrs "tf, en,nuciuatet racp shull
rutuy the full nnd eoual protection of Tie
Constitution on,t tl,c 1aws.u
lint It cn,,1,ot In ,lcnietl TINT there IA ucett
of remedy lor tho danger whicl, arises from
tunornuce ln tl,o yo.er. There Is but ono
rrmeIy. and that IN "tl,o snylue lnflucnce Of
universal cd,catiol,.u The uow President
fuyors tic most ll,nroI uoicv fl, this rcsprc.:
a,ni ,yr s1,ntl exnrct tn find In him I, nowcr.
ful advocate Of n scheme rs exteustyo rs tllat
which TIE TRIBUNE Inns mauy times out
lined. 4 few millions arc not enough. Tho
wl,uly proccrtts Of tho whisky tax, allowing
n doIiur per a,,nu,n for every mini, woman,
md clliltl IN tho country, would not lo too
much. And tho country can butter afford to
sparp tl,ts sum thai, to oppress tho people for
tho reduction Of debt Tint car In lime bu
funded ut :ltS tcr cent, The blight Of lkl,o.
rp,lce sl,uuld not l,u s,,ircrcl to remain on 20
large a proportlon OF tho citizens of this Re-
public whilo the means Of removing 1t are Mt
hand amt can be eusiIy spared.
Tlie inaugural continues with touching
, 1881-03-05
POLI1'ICAL.

tas '.',"." ',",' ~ 4", ."'%so ,,"1,' ''o@"s.
:. M1t"Aukht' WIS., March 4'-oh aonnhs 1s.'
so.tor % csrpeuter t vii, 10 'e ret,jesl. william.
lfnznltn,> nInrha,n. nnr r,r1cc orr n,reay out u
tho hola Or candidates. aid the strugr!s na'
ocutcrod between Cameron, D!xun. and Koyci
Wnshburn and lfubpo are the. dark hUrscs
INC if'enda OF hcSes wail ao ans'a'as ..
ueat cameron ane tho hl1whnScG @ Muhuss., .'.n.
,vood nrosroct nho rnn,crnn mcu
Ill, -. ,,..t ,,.-,yos.oI IN hrtfryt .
tlmt knrAg VIVA Mt tl,n hptfuIu h1
, 1881-03-05

- --------=%--=~---
fnnullig law ,nny l}u passed. mid put II, opcr-
ntlor, which. will lu equivalent tn o,,u year
fron, tho present time. Hind Il funding bill
bcon passed, Tho s;oycrtlnient wonld have
snye,t t1lo tlttlerelcn fn tho interest to be
pnttl between tho present rates Of q md per
cent aiut tho ratc 1T y ur W l'Gr cent, which
might llaye t,pen provided by Lilo new law.
1t Is pruppr tn fll.tllrr why no fnndlng Bill
wns plsscd by thu tAtu Congress-. that coi,-
gross, l)nn,ocrntln lii bnt'' branches, propusctt
: to Itself tn mal;c .l.s l,ceesstty for
funding nct tllt, .ccaslu,l for sltcf II hlnw at
tho misunderstanding system as would cont
Iel tho Nntto!,al banks tU withdraw tlcir cir
culntoM nni practically al'RNloll tlie hltsl~
tlcss. THO Democratic hostility 10 t!lp Nh
tlonnl banks Is trep-scatcd mud blended
closely with tho cardinal political prlnsfplnof
TINT purity. It lsnot enough That n very large
portion OF thase actively engaged III Nntto'lfsl
banks are Democrats atltt extreme pnrtisa'Is;
this dues not oyercui.u tic Southern Demo-
cratic tOctrtne OF Stato Sovereignty, unttcr
which nit National charters. control. Or
superintendent Ut banks Is rrRnrttcd
as MI Invasion Of "State nuthort-
ty," md Stats supremacy. At present
tho Government provides II Uniform system
Of banking; the circulation ut hnnk-notes Is
governed hy Nntsotal law' tlio Government
provides for I'LL Immediate redemption of tho
notes, milking previous provision for tlic
protection nf tllOse notes by tho deposit III
a,lpte nrd convertible security. SO com.
peo md thorough II thu protection to tho
bllllloldors furnished by this lnw ttat Ill tho
eighteen years these banks hnYe beeil III
existence not onu dollar las bee'l lost to nny
lollcr Of Natlonal.bank note. 'rIleso banks
are subjected toa rigid supervision " tho
Government In I'LL tho detnils OF their b''sl-
hess, md tho country l'as been spared the
eser-recafrlng calamity OF suspension md
failures so coliltn0n iltler NIL previous bank
ill:, arrangements In this cnllhtry.
Against this Nat'otlal SYSTEM, urder which
there arc protection md safeguards Afforded
the public by National laws, enforced by olli-
cars Ut the National government, tile Demo"
cratic party revolts anu protests. IL re-
gnrds such MI exercisc ut National authority
us nsnrpatton of State authority, aild
therefore II seeks tho destruction OF tile Nh
lio'Ial-bnnk system III ORDER that MI the power
and control over hanks ulNl banking mag be
Restored to tho States, eacl. acting for ITSELF
fl its independent and sovereign" capac-
Ety. This 'ncans to 70 backward tu thu coll
dillon III things rs they existed before tlio
| Mnr, wl,en there were as lnatty banking sys-
tens as thuru were Stntes. and when tho
notes Issued by tho banks Of onc State wcro
mot receivable within the limits Of another
Stntc, nlid III Il majority OF Instances werc at
ndIsconnt even III the States where they
wore fss,,elt.
Now There arc s:}ao. .ooo,0 900 Of National.barts
notes III circulation, a,ll these are Of such
uniform and eal.al value TINT ITO persoi rc-
| ceieIng tllen eyur tntses tlo trouble to are II.
, 1881-03-05

ON Thursday Hayes opinion on Bit t,,a
weight Tint could only In oyer1a,nnco, 'sa ~
twO-fhtrsts Of nil tho 'enatora and 1,onresa.,o5
tvcs. mud he used it. Tn Friday hls onint"a.
counted Tor nothing. Such Is our form Of por'
grntu0nt. ~ 69t.
, 1881-03-05
TRIBUNE BRANCH OFFICES.

r1,r f.utrAa0 TRIBUNE has established branch
occt tor ti,s receipt " subscriptions and ndyprt!sa"
tuentz Us funwh:
NEW YOllk-loo,n ~ Tribune Building. FIT. Nc
IANnES, Manager.
ui4AseiOW, .cotland--lt,lan'a American News
Aecncv. 81 ltentHi.l-st 5000
LONDON. EnH-AmeFlenn Exchange: ~ straud.
11ESiy +. GtLLta. Agent
WASHINGTON, d. t..i1i1 + street.
, 1881-03-05

IT Is sattl Of Speaker Randall tlia, lr Ia III.
sumo sort Ut Democrat that ho al,yays w.. w
III fnvor Of rctrcnehmcnt md ECONOMY In ~.
stump speeches. and solid aRa!nst Goth In tha
House, ga 'Hs
, 1881-03-05

THE Lalte-Fr0nt bill Has lied ia ,,patb ,u
the VAlont!nc-scrlp Enng. Tho city viii M, ~, ~
tic $s0o,0bot md tho grpat depot will uot h,
commenced th3s sour, ut least,
, 1881-03-05

GEx. GAlFlELu llns l.ow tustetl the SWEETS
ot Executive p0w0s FOR onc tlay. Fur tllAt lenRth
Ut tlnle ho has bsen saluteA by tho laco:huntors
and ilattorcrs a. Your sxcvllonuy," Gov. Iayes
bus aisu stpuoI tho nuusariuu or private station.
Aro both really happy2
, 1881-03-05

lltE Eastern tsl,lers aro publishing fills al.
vrrtfsbnent md tin,llng tn answers.
WASrEp-Tho name uf Il business ,uan vb,
wishes iuncock hn.t bccn elected. 'As
, 1881-03-05

SAYS tina Cleveland Lcuder: "About twen-
ty yeAsa ago, IN tho Town Hull ut ChuKrlp Falls,
Gen. Garfield aud Irof. William Depton held
, 1881-03-05

MUNICIPAL SOAfISAT1oNs.,. 10.
iowa CRY, 1u, Aarch A.-1he petnoa st M'.S,.o,,
night rcnominated Muyor Wilslam h' No '. cIark
Dennis Mayer for Treasurer. J. Sor"u So.Toasarr;
for Assessor. Tho 1tupuhlcan nolnlnaqat'pH Hovu;
Muyur, Col. II. u. Wool; Treasurer, ~ v
AHsrsSor, Il. ", F}tIQ.
, 1881-03-05

1IpO1ey'a The miro. .
napeolph street, brtwccn cIHrk and In ea'le. En-
garomcns OF Neil Burgess. "Wtlow Dedolt" Aiter.
uuuE aHu avciIlng.
, 1881-03-05

Academy or MfIsfc.
IIntsted street, hcar Madfs0n. West 4lde. EaFlo
entertainment. Afternoon ind evening.
, 1881-03-05

Otymrte Theatre.
Ttnrk street. between Lake and itandolrh. Va
rety entertainment. Afternoon aud evcnlng.
, 1881-03-05

Central al,lsfc-IInll.
Corner OF 1snnuulph n1d State streets. Concert
1y tho Thcoduts T!1omas combination at 3p. I'll. At
Bp III. tho Tllunas Orchestra.
, 1881-03-05

NIcy1c1ter's I'hentrc.
Madison street. between ftntc md Dearborn.
Afternoon. "Uthoito." by SnlylM1. Evening. "Thu
Guv'nur." b5 tho Boston liob1 Fhcaste Company.
, 1881-03-05

Nnver1y's Thcntrc.
rearborn strcet,corncr Of Monroe. Engagement Of
Louis .A1dr!c. and Charles r. phrsou. "My iattuor
Afternouo and evening.
, 1881-03-05

Grnnl Oprrtt.lfnis4c.
Clark street. uppt's|: now cOurt-llouac, Encn0o-
1ncnt If thu Hostun rheHtso Company. "|uyn4ara
III Southern Seash Afternoon anu evening.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-10-07
w 1T AND HU OR.

An Austin doctor met old Uncle
Moses and said to him pleasantly:
How do you feel to-day, Uncle Mose?'
Il amt gwine to tell yer until knows
how much you am gwine to charge
me-
Squarest Man in Washington.
You am de squarest man in Wash
tom said old Uncle Nose, entering a
drug store and taking the clerk bv
the hand. The drug mm, blushed
modestly and said he always tried to
do his duty as a christian, and an
American citizen, regardless of age,
race, sex, or previous condition.
Il knowed right ofyou was a Chris
tian, sab. No man in de drug biz
ness 'ceptin' follerer OBJ de Lord
would hang OUT sch sign as you has
got. Hit shows you am Christian
fust, and pizen mixer afterward. /
was jest 'spellin' it out Hit am de
best advice eber l got in a drug
store
What sign are you talking about,
tUncle?' asked the somewhat Devil
dered druggist.
Dat ar said the ole man, pointing
to placard on the wall, which read:
'Tasteless Medicines Dat ar am de
best advice in dc world, taste less
medicines. | neber hab tasted no
medicines, no how, and dat ar am de
chief reason Use alive and kicllin' yit.
But you am de fust Christian druggist
eber l struck, and the old man stroll
ell out just In time 10 avoid stopping
with his head package of hair re-
storer that the Infatuated druggist hur-
led after him.
A little girl has an uncle who has
taught her to open and shut his crush
hat The other evening, however, he
appeared with an ordinary silk one.
Suddenly he saw the child coming.
with his new silk hat wrinkled like an
ACCORDION. oh, uncle she said, this
one is very hard I've had to sit on
1t; but | can't get it more than half
shut
Olive Logan commenced one of her
lectures recently with the remark :
Nv henever see pretty girl | want
to clasp her IL my arms 80 do We
shouted the boys in the gallery. For
moment Olive was non.pluss ed, but
recovering her self-posscssion, she re-
pied, well boys, don't blame you.
A Boston Lady Bountiful fell into
ecstacies about the lovely, saint-like
expression of n nine.year old boy who
formed one OF the poor children's ex-
curslons to Walden pond but her feel
ings sustained a cruel shock when
this thing of beauty was heard to ex.
claim when sandwiches were dealt
out: 'How in HI do these ladies ex
pect Teller to eat sandwiches with
out mustard =