The Osceola times., 1881-03-05
WAYS OF THE WORLD.


your own eye"
THE Watch on the Rind-guarding a
watermelon patch.
FARMERS declare that July shower is
laundering good thing.
THE man who capped the climax didn't
know il was loaded, or he wouldn't have
done ii.
WHY should certain grocers call their
scales ambush? Because they lie in
weight.
THE man who struck an attitude has
not yet been prosecuted for assault and
battery.
THOMAS HARRISON, the boy preacher,
is about 80 years old. In fact, he is an
old boy.
Bur what shall we say of the honesty
of he dealer who invites ladies to call
and see his invisible nets for the hair?
DIR. TANNER, the fasting man, has
turned temperance lecturer for living,
and is making a tour of the State of New
York.
JOSH BILLINGS says that "a good doctor
is gentleman to whom We pay S3 visit
for advising us to eat less and exercise
more"
SENATOR DENNIS, of Maryland, has
large saltwater pond where he raises
terrapin and from which he gets large
income.
MILWAUKEE boasts of Teuton resident
who habitualy drinks 90 glasses OF lager
per day. That is rather more than we
can swallow.
The Cincinnati Commercial says: "Nen-
nor's cold cycles are completed" We
know what cold cycles are, but always
call them icicles.
From the composition of young
japanese student of English: THE cat Is
q small cattle. When he sees a rat, he
Eliminates his eyes"
TIE first news of their sickness will
come to many through the Herdtds an
nouncement that most of the Goldfish this
year has been badly cured.
The New Haven Register criticises the
baby elephant because ii w0s born with
out any lid to its trunk. But perhaps it
didn't want to be lid by the nose.
A PREcocIous boy becoming wcaried
by a long story that visitor was dron-
ing out, at last exclaimed: "See here, sir,
can't you bring that tale out in num-.
bers?"
81 DON'T so much mind" said Mr.. Hen
peck-''I don't so much mind a woman's
having a mind of her own, except that,
in such case, she usually takes charge
of her husbands also"
A HIBERNIAN orator drought down
the house" the other night by saying:
"Much as John Bull Processes to like
roast beef, he seems to be constantly go-
ing in for an Irish stew"
"llow is it," asked a lady, "that Time
is always represented as bald-headed'"
to which gentleman replied: so many
have taken time by the forelock they
probably pulled out all his hair"
"OH, ycs.r said Harry, when in reading
a novel, he came to the expression, "the
poor lamp only served to make darkness
visible" "Oh, yes! / understand that.
1t was in a railroad car, of course"
GREEDY grocer Ito farmers wife who is
supplying him with butter) 'rhis pun
O butter is over licht, gudewife." Guide
wife: Blame ycrsel', then; | weighed il
wi the pun o. sugar / gat FIRE ye yester-
cen"
TIE preference for iron instead of
wood as material for railway sleepers
becomes more manifest in Germany
every year, and the change from wood to
iron is being made out on many lines us
fast as the sleepers already laid wear
out.
A BAsHFUL young man escorted an
equally bashful young lady. As they APP
preached the dwelling of the damsel she
said entreatingly: "Zekil, don't tell any
body YOU saw me home" "Sary," said
he emphatically, don't you mind / am
rs much ashamed Of il as you bel"
In the course of the discussion now go-
ing on concerning the possibility of pre-
venting fogs in London, or at all events
reducing their opacity and persistence,
attention has been called to the histori-
cal fact that in 1888 fog covered the
greater part of Europe for nearly two
months.
A RECENTLY published German treatise
by Mr.. A. keierstein, of Erfurth, on the
development of lepidopterous insects
(moths and butterilies) contains a notice
of poisonous caterpillars, from which it
appears that the hairs of some species
are really stings with a poison gland at
the base of each.
TuIs is positively the latest conundrum,
or it would not be admitted into this col
umn: Why did not George Washington's
little sister go out with him to cut down
the cherry-tree? Because she had not
got her little hat yet. 1t is remarkable
how bold conumdrumists have become
since the abolishing Of capital punish
ment.
A YOUNG man being taken to task by
his father for going off every evening
after supper TO see his sweetheart, who
lived a mile distant, said: But, father
Pm only putting in practice your favorite
adage" "How so?" quried the father
"What is the adage?" To which the son
replied, giving emphasis to the last line
"'After dinner sit while;
Amer supper walk "a mile"
THE matador.red gowns rather fatigue
the eye by their blaze of color, and kill
nearly all the other dresses alongside of
which they may be seen. Jet trimming
properly used subdues the dazzle of
these "rubrical" garments, and tones
them down several degrees below the
point marked "loud' ON the thermome-
ter of fashion.
A New YORKER in London, becoming
bored by the talk about English pedes-
trianism, and especially about the walk
ing abilities of English girls and women;
declared that when you come to right
down steady going American women can
ride more miles in the street cars with
out getting tired than any other hand
some creatures in the world"
A MAN has furned nm with q hof.lo CON.