Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-08-13
WIT AND WISDOM.

sign OF deatn. 1t Is il VIC csAn Se" "~ So
br1te.
LAST week the heat in London was so
intense that several partnerships were
quite dissolved.
No WOMAN should borrow the husband
of another, because it is not good Tor
man to be loan.
If THE tide waves are breakers, it ls
no wonder the loose waves smash things.
- WI and Wisdom.
WE move that in case our country
ever becomes involved LII another war,
that cur enemies be furnished with toy
pistols.
BILLY the Kid was not the son of VIII
liam the goat. Indeed, no one ever
knew whose son he was, and now they
!! will care less.
A CHEYENNE brave is never so happy
as when he has a string of old tomato
cans around his neck and Is having
war dance or can-can.
"Ah, Smith, my boy, see you never
forget your poor relations + smith,
You have got the matter reversed,
sir 1t is my poor relations who never
forget me -
"When a mans money is gone, says
the Boston Globe, "his friends drop on
like the buttons from pair OF ready
made pants.
DIR. PATTERSON, of Scotland, has dis
covered that frogs and tOads will tight.
Well. let 'em fight. We'd rather see
them fight than hear them sing.
SEvERE-Frugal landlady of boarding
L. fn dInnRF MT.
Brown 2" Hearty Boarder wen,
p'r'aps. If don't feel hungry"
THE following is the way an editor
would put it: "Meu may come and men
may go" but "Heaven defend us from
the man who comes but never goes.
A COLLECTOR in this town has the fol-
lowing pasted up In his Office as ms
motto "Never put off until to-
morrow what can be 'dunned to-
day."
THE Detroit Free Press wonders why
it is that when pedestrian Is drencned
by a basin of water from fourth story
window he always wants to whip some
body who lives on the first floor.
II. HAAn1N (soliloquizing after his
nomination for Minister to Spaln)-
"H'ml 81, ZOO year and a bull tight
every Sunday. guess I'll take 1t IN.
-NeU HaUen Register.
Two THOUSAND doctors propose to
meet together and discuss medical sub
iects. The benefits that will result
from this cannot be estimated. While
the doctors are in convention everybody
will get well.
A MAN need not fatter himself on
everything about his house being as
regular as clockwork, simply because ne
buys everything on tick. Unlike
clock, he will run down when his AFFAIRS
are wound up.
AN Albany man has rented a vacant
lot near his house, fenced it ip, and fit-
ted it up as playground for the boys
of the neighborhood. In other words,
he furnishes playground to avoid haV-
ing plague round.
A GEORGIA editor says: ''Gold is found
in thirty y-three counties in this State,
copper in thirteen, iron In forty-three,
diamonds in twenty-six, whisky IL all
of them, and the last gets away with all
the rest.
THERE may be other worlds than ibis,
as astronomers claim, but we don't be-
lieve that any of 'em can beat the gym
nastics performed by our folks when
the head rope of hammock decides to
let go.
AN American girl In Columbus h.s
married Chinaman for love, and while
she swings in a hammock and reads
novels, he does the washing and cook
ing and keeps the fy-traps up to busi-
ness.
IHE publication of weather predic
tions is of great benefit to to the COM
munity. 1t enables the mean man to
appear generous by promising to take
his wife on q pleasure trip the day he
is certain that heavy rain will post
pone the trip.
Now THE cnowder's in the pot, and
the days are getting hot, and we'll all
begin 10 swelter with a swelt, swelt,
swelt. While the crimson lemonade
through a straw enchants the maid, who
displays bunch of flowers at her belt,
belt, belt.-Puck.
LET us hear no more about our navy
officials drawing big salaries for doing
nothing. If it isn't worth all an officer
gets to teach young ladies at the sum-
mer resorts to swim, then it's no matter.
Boston Globe.
The picnic, OH, the picnic! what memories it
brings
OF pies and snow-white pantaloons, of nuts
and bugs and things!
Let other folks tell lies about the fun and
frolic there
We brand the average picnic delusion and a
snare!
So STRONG is the mules passion for
inconveniencing his master that Vir-
ginia man can get his mule to allow it
self to be quietly harnessed and driven
of, by going into his barn and acting as
though he was thief trying to steal the
the mule.
AN Otsego county man is credited
with the following novel advertisement
of his wife: "My wife Mary is strayed
or stolen. will break the head of any
body who returns her to me. As to
giving her credit, every merchant has a
right to do so, but as have never paid
my own debts, it is not probable that I
will pay hers"
A CHINESE laundryman in Philadel.
phia has revised sign, of which this is
true copy:
No TRUsTEE-no buetee