The comet. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1877-1882, 1881-03-05
THE FORTY LIARS.
Brother IIOIcOmb Takes the Cake.

Bill Nye.
At regular annual roundup Of the
Rocky Mountain Division of the indie
pendent order of Forty Liars on Sat
urday evening, the most notable pre-
varicator having directed the chest
tester to examine all present to see that
they were in possession of the annual
password, explanations and signal
and report to the most noble promoter
of twenty-seven karat falsehoods
whether all were so qualified to re-
main, and the report being satisfactory
the most noble prevaricatOr announc-
ed that after the report of the Gus o.
dian of campaign lies for the past year
and the annual statements of the di-
vision bartender and most noble beer
yanker had been handed in and passed
apo6, the next business to come De-
fore the division would be the nomi-
nation.and election of a most noble pre-
varicator to serve during the year
1881.
"Under the rules of our order" said
the Nj. p, "ten minutes will be
given to each aspirant for the office
named, in which to address the meet
ing. 1t is understood that the time
shall be devoted to short anecdotes,
personal "reminiscences, ETC., and the
brethren will be given ample scope to
enlarge upon any details which the
subject may suggest. Our usual GUS
tom is devote at least one hour to this
highly entertaining exercise, and | call
to mind now some of the most enjoy
able moments of my life spent in list
ening to others, or in constructing for
tha Of ,fh f,,xy tha
most entertaining and instructive
falsehoods that the history of our
most noble order has known.
awe have several prominent visit
ing members here from other parts of
the country, among whom am graf
flied to name Bro. Eli Perkins, Bro.
O'Keefe, of Pixies Peak, and Bros.
Morey and Barnum, from the East,
who will address the meeting, per-
haps for few minutes after other busi-
ness has been disposed Of
After singing the opening ode, ac-
companied by the Tyre, the usual order
of addresses of aspirants for the office
of M. n. p. of the Rocky Mountain
division were called for.
The last speaker was Brother Jede-
diah Holcomb, who thus addressed
the assemblage
"Most Noble Prevaricator of the
Rocky Mountain Division of Forty
Liars and Brethren of the Order
Many years ago when l was mere
stripping, as it were, and just upon
the verge of manhood, so to speak, |
was sitting on the green grass south
of Chicago, near where Drexel Boule-
ward comes into South park, thinking
Of my hard luck and wishing that my
future mighrbe more prosperous than
my=past:
THAT locality was then howiing
compared with what it is
now, and where to-day the beautiful
drives aud walks are so inviting there
was nothing then but prairie and
swamp, and here and there scrub
)ak tree.
Chicago was a stirring Western city
hen, but she was young and small.
She had not then accumulated the
wealth of new and peculiar
odors which she now
Enjoys, and in place of the rich fructi-
ying fragrance of the stock wards
here was nothing there but the wild
and the dead hoyse.
"Out where some Of the most beau-
iful residences now stand ths-e was
lothing but the dank thistle noIding
n the wind or the timid picnic bum
lie bee hanging on the autumn bough
nd yearning to be gathered by the
mali boy.
GAS sat there in the long ago, and,
hrouded in the September haze, was
.reaming of fortunate future for
myself, l heard the muffied tread of
feet drawing nearer and
carer TO me. The sound was like the
Dotfall of a regiment of infantry ap-
and l rose to see what was
he cause.
"I had not long to wait, tor very soon
here hove In sight a very singular
pectacle First came large Illinois
og at the head of large column Of
illinois hogs, all marching Indian
lshion and grunting with that gentle,
lacid, grunt which the hog carries
nth him. On closer examination into
he singular phenomena, / saw that all
ne hogs, except the leader, were
lind, each animal having his prede-
essor's tail in his mouth throughout
ne long line, consisting of 49, ,52l un-
,rtunate sightless hogs, cheerfully fol-
wing their leader towards water.
" was never so struck with the
'onderful instinct of the brute crea-
on in my life and my eyes filled with
,ars when / saw the child-like faith
nd confidence of each blind animal
with implicit trust the more
guide.
&" soon, however, a great dazzling,
idea worked itself into
~ intellect. Dashing away my idle
sars, / drew my revolver and shot off
ne leaders tale, leaving the long line
disconnected and aimless hogs In
he middle of broad prairie, with no
uide but the edephlogisticated tail of
og who was then three quarters OF
lille away.
"Then stole, up and taking the
ory tail in my hand, 1 led the trust
lg phalanx down to the stock-yards
nd sold the outfit at eight cents live
eight.
This was the start of my dazzling
lieer as n capitalist, a career which
now point TO with pride. Thus from
poor boy with one suspender and
re toe / have risen 10 be one OF our
aiding business men known and re-
,ected 10y all, and, by industry and
and borrowing my chewing
bacco, have come 10 lie one Of our
lid men,"
When Brother Holcombe ceased to
,eak there was a painful silence Of
srhaps five minutes, and then Brother
Toodfick Williams moved that the
les be suspended and that Brother
elcombe be declared the unanimous
loice Of the Order for Most Noble
to serve till 1852.
Passed.