The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1881-06-23
A LndicrOus ElOpelnent.

"A AVlulCFOuS ElOpGlnGnt.
It's hard for Country jake" to con-
Vey to his Susan Jane the exact situation
when first the arrow is lodged in his
heart. The attitudes and awkward com
blnations of personal presentation arc
painful to an outsider, to say nothing of
what he suffers. See him cross his legs,
first one on top and then the other, and
then see him shoot them out in front,
and run his hands in his pockets; then
he draws in his feet, doubles them under
the chair, pulls his hands out of his
pockets and drops them down by his side.
stretches, yawns, bushes, and almost
dies trying to say it. Poor follow, it is
martyrdom while it lasts, and when he
does "get his mouth off," it's like put
tlng beggar on horse back; he Just
canters of to paradise with happy go
lucky indifference that is enviablc, bar
ring an obstruction on tho track, and
then over on his head he tumbles, when
ratify.
A ludicrous case of this sort of agony
occurred near the place of my nativity
about twenty-five years ago, in which I
had my sympathies 80 reused that was
moved to lend the hero some assistance.
His name was Joe, and his girls, Mar
th3 Jane, to whom he had surrendered
his entire heart, stock, lock and barrel
without reservation of any kind which
she gushingly reciprocated by adding
her entire stock in trade in the partner
ship proposed. But the old folks de-
murred-refused to oratify-threatened a
war of rmination-banished Joe, and
belied Martha Jane, besides several other
threatened acts of dire hostility. In fact
Joe and Martha Jane had the biggest
spider put in their dumpling ever known
since Adams and Ewes apple scrape.
Their hearts all but "busted''-but thew
didn't.
The parties were neighbors-lived in
sight of each other-Joe on the hill and
Martha Jane in the bottom. When
Martha Jane came forth to nourish
her young fowls with preparation of
ground corn and water, she would cast
her loving eyes upward and rest them on
Joe, who would from above look down
af1ectlonately on his Martha Jane, and
tney would sigh and swallow great hunks
OF grief as big as apple dumplings.
Joe was so badly Off that was sorry
for him, and when he called upon me to
assist him, I proceeded at once to the
prospective mother-in- law (more or less)
with my eloquence, ''from whom t
proceeded from whence''-not running.
but my time was good. I reported pro-
gress, and begged to be excused Joe
got worse and worse; threatened to
commit-well, to steal something, and
did make divers efforts to steal his girl.
but the old folks slept on their arms
Joe was getting terribly bad off; he said
he mast have her; that mast steal her
for him. I tried to prevail on him to
blde his time; but, no, have her he must,
and must do the job for him; he knew
J. could do it if would, and he wanted it
done right off.
When found Joe couldn't wait, Icon
sented to try my hand. [ was about
Martha's age, and the thought occurred
to me that [ would dress in womans
clothes and let Joe steal me, and see if
it would "sorter" cool his ardor I con-
tided my plan TO some of the boys, and
they approved it and promised their as
sistance. We concluded that wa would
let the old man, Martha James father,
into the secret, and arrange for him to
pursue us with his hounds, of which he
had about dozen, when we made the
attempt. The old man entered into the
affair eagerly, for he despised Joe.
After we had fixed all the preliminaries
of time, place and manner of proceeding,
we adjourned to meet the next Sunday
night and have the chase. We met ao-
cording to adjournment the time agreed,
and a woman hitched me up in some of
her gear, with O parcel of things tied
round my waist-I don't know what
| they all we're, but know the outside
was calico, and it was in two pieces; one
was the tail, which was tied on first, and
the other was O sort of jacket with sleeves
to it, of some dark sort of stuff. These,
with white sun-bonnet, and blue veil,
and some cotton stuffed in iudiciously to
give me gushing makeup, having been
provided as indispensable to my toilette,
was ready and willing to be Joe's-for
!, When we arrived near Martha James
mouse, the old man was waiting for us.
We arranged that after we had got about
quarter OF mile off, one of our party,
(who remained behind for the purposel
should notify Joe that we had Martha
Jane, and when Joe came tearing by the
house, the old man was to give him q
salute from his old ddouble-barrelled shot.
gun. Very soon here came Joe fuII tin
down the hill towards the creek Bano
went The venerable shotgun, and awa1
! went Joe. and soon came tho old man on