The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-04-22
HUMORs OF THE DAY.

A BLACK subject the coal question.
WHAT burns to keep secret p seal
ing-wax.
ELEormo bellies female telegraph
operators.
The spot for husbands with scolding
wives Shrewsbury.
WHEN would volunteer corps most
need a cook? When they have got a
range.
EVEN dumb animals exhibit attach
ment, The horse is always attached 10
the vehicle which he draws.
AN old farmer on being informed that
one Of his neighbors owed him grudge,
growled out: No matter, he never
pays anything
A PAPER, in giving an account Of
shooting affrny, says the wounded man is
expected to recover, as the pistol-ball
lodged in his 'dinner-pail."
A STEAMBOAT captain, in advertising
Tor an excursion, closes thus; Tickets
twenty-five cents; children half price, to
be had at the captains office.
: "EAPTY is the Cradle, Babys Clone"
is the little of the latest sorio-idiotio
song. IT will probably he followed by
Empty Is the Bottle Papa's Full. "
"Pur upon my tombstone" said tho
dying man, "an epitaph stating that
was n scoundrel, thief, and brute. Then
people will think ! was good man.
Epitaphs always heso-"
" | believe the jury have been inocu-
lated for stupidity, said testy lawyer.
''That may be, replied his opponent,
"but the bar and the court are of the
opinion that you had il in the natural
way"
LIEUTENANT COMMANDER GoRmNaE
says the obelisk will endure in our
climate for S,640 years. We advise our
readers TO remember this. They may
get the laugh on Gorringe in the year
l0,440.
ARE you good rider?' asked liv-
cry man. 81 am, replied tho customer,
and just then the horse snorted, stood on
it's hands, came down and bueked And
the customer went on, from his high seat
in the haymow: "See how easily l get
off.
''To what degree" asks an inquiring
friend of Mr.. Beecher, ''may person at
the present day be ignorant without
being guilty?" "That depends on tld
person, replies Henry Ward ''somU
people are born with genius for ignor-
ance.
HER lips were like tho leaves he said,
BY Autunns crimson tinted;
" Some people Autumn leaves preserve
by pressing them" she limited.
The meaning Of the gentle hint
The lover did discern,
And so he claspfd her round the neck,
And glued his lips to her'n.
A LITTLE fivo-year-old boy astonished
his mother one day by urging her to see
if his chin whiskers had not commenced
to sprout Another, standing before her
and looking up into her face, inquired,
"Ma, what's the reason / mint man
now? I've got a jack-knife and pocket
book" 49,,
Allie, after church one Sabbath, "what
makes the minister say what he does
always when he reads hymn" "What
does he say?" asked mamma. "Why,
he always says short Peter, or long
Peter, or some other kind Of Peter,
when there isn't word about Peter in
the whole hymn y
THR TURKEY.
Proud bird Of the harnyard blithesome and free,
| a murderous budgeOn is lowering DER thee
| hee-iOOted urcbini hard-hearted hub,
VIII hit you rap with morc'n q stuffed club.
Make the most Of thy time, for soon thou'lt 30
caught
And thine own precious head TO tho bocki be
brought.
Then gobbiel and gobbe and gobblc away,
| Thyself will be gobbed at no distant day
| rest 70 thy soul and peace to thy ashes
dinner thOu'lt make and cheap sundry haBhes;
| A breakfast, perhaps, and light supper, too,
| And then be dissolved In thin, carcass stew,
A YOUNG lady at an evening party
| found it aprOpos to use the expression,
"Jordnn is hard road to travel" but,
thinking that to be vulgar, substituted
the following: "Perambulating progress
sion in pedestrian excursion along tho
far-famed thoroughfare Of fortune cast
up by the banks Of the sparkling river Of
Palestine, is, indeed, attended with a
heterogeneous conglomeration Of un-
forseen difficulties. "
AT lecture, the lecturer had occasion
TO speak Of the style the Turks have Of
shaving the head all but a tuft on top,
which, he said, was probably left to as
sist the resurrection angel in bringing
them up at the last day. Johnnie looked
up at the smooth, shiny head of his
father, and then whispered to his mother:
"Pap won't have any kind Of chance,
will he?"