Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-10-19
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

The first to have his bill made out at
the summer hotel is the mosquito.
PoTAToEs planted must have their
eyes about them If they are to come up.
-NcW Orleans Pic0yune.
MAN born of woman is of few DAYS and
full of schemes to get his name in print.
-Morratton State.
To find lawyer who charges only
nominal fee certainly is phenomenal. -
Baltimore Every Saturday.
The rocks in the cradle of the deep
are all at the bottom.-NeaO Orleans
Pic0yune.
"AYE," remarked an old Scotch wo-
man, as she gazed on the retreating
figure OF big overgrown country lad,
" sic waste o. natur."
PERILs of the sea: We should think
scarf pins would get sea-sick. They are
often on the bosoms of such heavy swells.
--CtdaT Rapids Stylus.
THERE are some experiences in life
which make us feel like the boy who,
when he stubbed his toe against sharp
stone, said he was too big to cry and too
badly hurt to laugh.
many cartridges? % |Not one; but I
am pleased enough with my shooting. I
came great deal nearer killing than I
did last year. lie Figaro.
JONES says his wife is the most thrifty
woman he ever knew. why, SIR" be
says, "she has made ten bedspreads dur
ing the last two years; made them her
self, sir, out of the samples she collected
in her shopping tours during that time
JOYS of the seaside. Brown" What
beastly weather !! And the glass is go
ing steadily down." Local tradesman
:" Oh, that's nothing, sir. The glass
has no effect whatever on our part of
the coast.-Loradon Punch.
COMFORTING: "Mr. Boatmar," said
timid woman to the ferryman who was
ever lost in this river?" ooh, no,
ma'am," he replied, "we always find
'em again within day OF so"
$50, [ see some one has returned the
twenty francs you lost ?" Yes, queer
thing about that; I offered ten francs re-
ward, but my money didn't turn up.
Then offered thirty francs, and at least
a dozen fellows brought it to me. =
Figaro.
SOMEBODY slung lot of cucumbers
into Vermont mans cider mill when he
wasn't looking, and the wild look upon
that mans eye, as he lay tangled upon
the floor after drinking the cider, will
haunt the perpetrator of the deed to the
grave.
AT the recent photographers conven-
4ic1, II rrac 1>7,o11 bof n
nose generally turns to the left and a
mans to the right. Therefore if man
follows his nose he will be right, and if
woman follows her nose she will get
left.
Is a man who owns two wigs, one his
own and the other stolen supposed TO be
guilty of wigamy. York Com
DserciaI Advertiser. Better refer the
question to hair-splitting lawyes, first
dividing it into two heads. Norris
toaoo Herald.
AN obstreperous individual was MAX
ing himself generally d1sagreeable in a
beer saloon the other night when bv-
stander asked the proprietor what bis
name was. 81 do not know vot his
name vas, said the irritated Teuton,
ASST Boston Commercial Bulletin.
"WHAT yer chewin' on?" inquired one
bootblack of another atthe postoffice the
other day. s'Gum." "What else ?'
"Terbacker "Got 'em both on the
same side O. yer mouth ?" "Yum."
"Like 'em that way ?" "Well, not
overmuch; but it saves half day of
chawin'."
"MoTHER SYMPTOMS year: +" This has
been a year of wonderful events, OBJ
served Mrs. Marrowfat to her neighbor,
leaning over the railing that separated
the front court-yards of the two houses.
''Truly remarkable" chimed in Mrs.
Phenix. "We have had storms and
drouths, and comets and fires. and earth
duakes and assassinations, and such
like, till I'm dazed." ssIndeed we
have" added Mrs. Marrowfat, "an6
Mr.. M hasn't been to bed with his boots
on since the first of January. "-Brook-
tya Eagle.
AT the funeral of an esteemed lady IN
this city a few weeks age the bereaved
Wldower, who was sobbing during the
services on black bordered handker-
chief, suddenly arose and approached a
friend who was leaning bowed on the
marble mantel. The officiating clergy
man stopped in the middle of the address
supposing the bereaved one was over
come with sorrow Friends looked up
in deep sympathy as he whispered IN a
grief-stricken voice, audible to all pres
emit: "James, don't lean quite so hard
on that mantel. 1t cost me mint OF
money and won't stand heavy strain !"
Then he resumed his weeping and the
services proceeded.-N Y. Mercury.
HE was a nice and very new young
man, and his employer took kindly to
him on the first day in the factory, ask
ing him to help in checking Off and
" calling back" the sizes of certain goods.
All went well until the youth in finish
ing up string of numbers called out:
"Fifty-five, eleven, forty-fo'-Kenor'
ga great solemn hush fell over" the rest
of the clerks as the old man called the