Connecticut western news., 1881-08-31
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WIT AND WISDOM.

OARSMEN will soon be taking the last rows of summer.
 WHY is a turnpike gate like dead dogs tail? Because it stops a-waggin'.
 DOES loss of sleep make @ man look worn because it takes the nap out of him?
 STRAWBERRY shortcake at a church festival is charming stuff to eat. It is such exciting fun to see who gets the strawberry.
 AN Albany woman woke her husband during storm the other night and said: "I do wish you would stop snoring, for I want to hear it thunder.
 A LEOPARD never changes his spots. A mosquito does, however. It will settle in a new spot every five seconds, and sing all the time it is changing. MANY a man thinks it is principle that keeps him from turning rascal, when it is only full stomach. Be grateful, and do not mistake potatoes for princi- pie.
 NEW YORK papers disclose that mus sells are destroying the oysters. The muscles most destructive to oysters, however, are attached to the New York jaw.
 BEING asked how he liked the per formapce of certain dramatic club, an auditor replied that he should hardly call it club, but rather a collection of
 "sticks."
 IN some States the evidence of a man who habitually goes fishing twice year will not be received in the courts. The reason for this bit of judicial wis., dom Is obvious.
 "MY BoY," said conscientious teach CT, edo you know the reason I am going to whip you ?" "Yes," replied the hope full. "I suppose it's because you're bigger than am." .---
 THERE are some experiences in life
 which make us feel like the boy who,
 when he stubbed his toe against sharp stone, said he was too big to cry and too
 badly hurt to laugh.
 "I'M sure," said a confiding old Bos-
 ton lady, at Congress Hall, Saratoga,
 "that my son never drinks anything at night, because he's always so awful
 thirsty in the morning."
 "SEvEN" is regarded as lucky num-
 Der but young Pinaphor, who loaned
 friend seven dollars seven months ago,
 doesn't think so. His friend, however,
 does not agree with him. IF YOU have found that dishonest
 life don't pay 1t is full time to become ' honest. The old adage says, "It is not necessary to drink up the whole puddle , in order to find that the water is dirty" MRS. HARRIS says it IS not as much trouble for "nuss" to take care of } sick people as some folks imagine. The most of them don't want anything, she says, and when they do they don't get } it.
 "WHY do so many persons commit , suicide? ?" asks an exchange. It must be because so many of them take their : own lives. If verybody were to die a l natural death, we fancy there would be fewer suicides.
 , FoGa thinks that Miss Prim must be hard on to forty. He judges by anal~
 ogy, you know. He says that a tree
 adds @ ring to its growth every year, s and he has counted nearly forty rings @ on her taper fingers.
 l. SOME naturalist has discovered that e wasps can be paralized by fear. Taere h is hundred dollar bill right in this o town waiting for that man when he tells ), the superintendent of the last Sunday y school picnic what the wasp is afraid of. e WIFE of an Episcopal minister to her IT washerwoman "Well, Bridget, how l. did you like the sermon Sunday P }, Bridget cit was beautiful. I like tC It go to that church. It's so nice to sec J. your husband courtseylng around in hit y shroud."
 1' THERE IS an awful state of affairs in J. little Michigan town, where type-sette 0' substituted the word "widows" fo s sS windows" The editor wrote '" Tn .o windows of the church need washing ~ ~ badly. They are too dirty for any us eo and are disgrace to our village" oo NEVER does a fellow feel more lone oo some and hcmesick than when he Ina re left his own watch at the jewellers flo or repairs and is carrying around one bol o,, rowed for the occasion. He feels hk ,or the man who has sent his wife off to tn
 seashore and is taking his meals dow
 town.
 THE thermometer was still above 9
 when he came in, and taking her han ny tenderly, said "I love you even mol ny dearly than told you did last nigh Iy You were silent then 1; have you an. ny thing to say to me now?" "Oh, yes m she responded, with girlish impuisiv, oe ness "let's go sit by the refrigerator 'na WHEN young man tells you he doesn is believe in churches begging all the tim ,+ and he won't go to church at all if o1, can't listen to 8 sermon without havir " contribution basket stuck under h os nose, you will generally see that ms o. whack in to make up purse for hor o, race or subscribe for the Sunday co
 certs without murmur. se- NEWSPAPERS have become teacher ink They form and give direction to t -ow public mind, on all public question on the public view them as the work of m ,,e who stand above mediocrity in edut
 tion, general requirements and natul ey ability; and they should consequent you be edited with dignity, accuracy a tice ability becoming their high office.