The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-09-17
OF OUR EXCHANGES.
lb-Thc Boston boy.

UF UUN EACHhNuES.
,b-Thc Boston boy.
20 old hablts-POor people.
Inn eniences--ln good hotels.
A pattern woman--The drcss.maker
A tub of lard exploded In New Jersey town.
Must have been nitro. greaserinc.
A lawyer should never burn coal. He get'
along better with Coke than Blackstone.
Look out fov countcrfeits of Jesse James. Also
look outior the genuine Jesse James. Times
The Detroit Free Press asks "Is clothing
store a coterie, pantry, or a vestry" FIRE.
quently it is jew.ry.
There 10 business ahead for the la wyer that un.
dertakes TO contest the will OF his wifc.-W
State Reg.
Henry Ward Bcccher is said to have jumped
seven feet recently. A certain tail individual
with long taow.c olored hair must have APP
peared Unexpectedly in his immediate vicinity
On. Times.
We missed Bob Ingersoll among the dramotLs
per.one tn Buffalo Bills thrilling border drama
on Monday evening. 1t was ptimatcd that he
would appear In the character Of "HellSmash-
Ing Bob, the Devil Killer"
You can't 10th eat cake and have it.-.incrnt
Proerb. No; but you can take your drinks aud
have 'em, have 'em bad Washington CiT,ir. FIX
perience is great thing.-Bosten Post.
A learned writer asserts that Heaven keeps
our lights burning while we sleep" Well, IL
does look that way when the figures on gas bill
stare the average citizen In the face.
letter addressed TO a man in Arkansas and
marked on the envelope "Please forward" was
sent to the Dead Letter Office with this notation:
"Can't forward the durn&uss Is Dcd and down
francs all abandoned"
At an editorial reunion "Gentlemen, toast
fill your glasses. May the rich sparkle Of the
wine, the delicate Favor" "Be continued In
our necks," suggested one OF the guests, and the
toast was imbibed slowly.
Private Smith thus complained to his Colonel:
This weather TO you may seem volonel;
But, my work being done
In the heat of the some,
To me ii seems simply infolonel,h
Puck.
When st. Louis mob comes TO Chicago, stop
at the Palmer and the clerk thinks he Is putting
on too many airs, he merely says as he hands
him the key to his room at night, "Bc careful to
turn out the gas; don't blow it out"
Tomonauk has no deliberately laid out and or
namented park to resort to in the evening or
FitEgerald's band TO play for them, but they have
an attractive resort nevertheless and nice music,
for the Gdatte says: Hundreds Of wagon loads
offrogs in the little lake south OF town attract
dozens of visitors every evening"
Oh, the tiny little ants,
How they Chamber In our pants,
At the picnic meath the willows In the glen!
How they seem to take delight in
The obnoxious sport OF btin'
lndefensible and modest gentlemen!
Mr. Alcott told the Concord Summer School
OF Philosophers that Actually Is the Thingnrss
OF the Here" The information almost paraIy zed
them. For years they have been laboring under
the misspprehension that the hcreness OF the ac.
tualiiy Is the thing. But 1t is no such thing
ForT1stO,rn Herald.
WISCONSIN GiRL"-Your poem commencing
Canstthou remember, my darling
time when you thought of but me,
When our joys and hopes were recOunted
To each meath the old trysting trce!--
has been received, but we shall decline answer
ing until after looking up the laws Of Wisconsin
concerning breach OF PROMISE In regard to the
last staBza-
Should you DER the Styglan river
First rest meath the Life giving Tree,
Will you pause In the shadow, my darling
And wait In the silence for mey-
we can only say that II 10 case you are trip or
two behind on the ferry 1t will be pleasure to
cit on The bank till you arrive. Any thing that
we can do to please poets-ontSlde Of printing
their enorts-will be checrfuy attended to-
Chicago Tribune.
facetious baker In Auburn put u broad grin
lately on the faces OF all his customers by AN
nouncing on cons picuous plucard that he sold
yeast OF a new kind which made brend SO light
that pound only weighed twelve ounces-4Da
oy Journal.
We have not in years, not even In one OF our
Ottawa dailies, seen a more exquIsiro touch OF
the truly bucolc In journalism than the follow.
Ing from the GuIlford, c., Item. The editor,
having enlarged on the Hayden murder at Rock
land and the Jennie Cramcr mystery at New Ha
ven, continues as follows:
But, aside from such affairs, in which we have
only an interest in common with the public at
large, our sympathies may extend TO one OF our
own number Not that anything SO terrible AS
the Rockand or West Haven tragedies have oc
Cured In our midst, but " en- an old and re. |
epectable citizen has the misfortune 10 lose a |
horse which has done honorable service tor many
years, nc Is certainty ehtitieu 10 sympathy from
bis nelghbors. Such loss has been sustained
by Mr.. Daniel Hubbard the horse dropping dead
suddenly in the stall. This Is the second road |
ster that has died suddenly In this place lately
the other belonging to Mr.. Dwight Cnittenden,
falling dead while being driven by Mrs. Chtten
den.
NEXT.
Maid Of Boston. ere we treat,
Give me some cold leans to eat
-Boston Journal.
Maid Of Quincy, hear me swear,
/ Ike the way you bang your hair.
-Nodern Argo.
Maid Of Richmond how YOU talt.
Wash your face and use less chalk
-RichmoM Poildiiu,n. |
siaid Of Fort Wayne, with little feet