Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-11-19
WIT AND WISDOM.


Non THE cold shoulder: The devil
has one redeeming trait. He never
gives boarder cold room. L. Whitehall
Times.
FRESH "May I have the pIeasure?"
Miss Society " Oui" Fresh: "What
does we mean ?" Miss s. go, q
and l."
"YEs," he cried passionately, love
YOU so true. so true" "Never mind,
darling" said she, artlessly, "I'l have
my trousseau ordered at once.
BUSINESS men who do not advertise
are like bubbles. Even when they
''bust" there is found to be nothing to
them. WiLianaSport Breakfast Table.
ONE of the most disagreeable things
in the world is the comparison of the
ct will 4" at the marriage ceremony,
with the II won't " after that event.
iSteubenUilte Herald.
THE only man we know of who doesn't
want the credit of the work he does, is
the burglar. He is quite willing that
some other fellow should have the name
of doing his work. Post.
AN advertisement reads: "Wanted-
A young man to be partly outdoor and
partly behind the counter;;" and the
Cleveland Leader asks: "What will
be the result when the door slams ?"
"AND false directors shall arise, say
ing: Cashier and 'cash there and
shall deceive many, for there shall be
no cash after once they have laid their
hands on it.-BdLdaOin'S Revised VeT'-
sion.
IT IS hard to tell which is the more
ridiculous, the young fool or the old
fool; but the old fool has the advantage
that he will never be a young fool
whereas the young fool may some day
be an old fool.
MoDEsrY is the best policy. "Why,"
said Brown, "Pingry has forgotten
more than you ever knew" " I don't
know about that, !" replied Fogg. =" l
knew that he had forgotten everything. "
Boston Transcript.
ROBINSON (after long whist bout at
the club)-"I 1t is awfully late, Brown.
What will you say to your wife ?" Brown
(in whisper)-'' Oh, I shan't say much,
YOU know, 'good-morning, DEAR, or
something of that sort. She'll say the
rest
If you don't believe advertisements
are read, put one line in the furtherest
corner of any first-class daily. That
line. to have its full aud immediate eff
feet. should be: Wanted "A yellow
dog. Good price paid. "-PhilGdelphia
Ne1Os.
"I'M A very sick man," observed the
tramp, languidly, as he anchored him.
self at restaurant table "the doctor
saws must have strengthening food.
Give me something with plenty of iron IN
it." The waiter shaded the corners of his
mouth with his hands, and then bel
lowed. in stentorian tones, zone keg OF
nails p
MOTHER Ito her daughter, seven years
old): "What makes you look so sad, Car
rie?" Carrie docking at her baby brother,
three months old): " was just think
ing that in about ten years from now,
when I shall be entertaining company
and having beaux, that brother of mine
will just be old enough to bother the
life out of me.
A WIDOWS might: A New Jersey
widow couldn't earn six dollars week
at the wash-tub. She became clair
voyant. and her income increased to
sixty. It Just shows that man be-
grudges the quarter he pays for wash
ing his shirt, while he will cheerfully
give dollar to stick his nose into the
other world before the show begins.
"PRAY excuse me, said well-dressed
young man to a young lady in the Sec
ond tier of boxes at the theatre; "I wish
to GO out and get some refreshment-
don't leave your seat" A sailor seated
in the box near his sweetheart, and dis
posed to do the same thing, arose and
said, "Harkee, Poll, I'm going ashore
to wet my whistle-don't fall overheard
while I'm gone.
FoGG went into a carpet warehouse
the other day. He was shown several
patterns, but none seemed to satisfy his
taste exactly until the warehouseman
unrolled a beautiful Brussels, saying,
"There is carpet that will suit you.
That carpet is hard to beat" Fogg said
he did not want ii II that was the case,
and walked out, leaving the dealer
sadder and wiser man.
HIGH art in the back parlor: "Oh,
yes" said Mrs. Brown, as she surveyed
with evident pleasure her little parlor
sideboard, covered with old china and
decorated with highly-colored tiles
Mr.. B. remarked last night that was
becoming quite an atheist" and the old
lady's countenance fairly beamed with
delight as her eyes rested on sixteen
cent Japanese teapot.-Ne,Oark CaN.
SOME days ago we said that unless
hunters brought US some of the game
they Dragged about we would not pub
lish their fabulous tales. The following
afternoon a man from over near Laramie
Peak brought in eleven blackbirds and
a mule that he had shot by mistake and
laid them at our feet. We do not insist
on documentary evidence now any N Ore.
5 good honest mans word Is good
enough for us.