Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-04-13
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE.

sounds the gong.-N. y NeaUs
A BACKWARD spring-gnirps. -No1r6s
tOaOn Herald.
A BAGGAGE masters game-Checkers
-Camobridge Tribune.
CINCINNATI is called by the Boston
Globe the Hamburg of America.
AFTER all this waiting, we are at last
informed that the power of Bernhardt is
her eye, "all in her eye"
A FALLS alarm-High prices and low
diet at Niagara this summer.-NeaU York
Meas.
WHEN steamboat passengers talk too
much to the captain he can always find
relief by shouting: oman over-boredi''-
NeaO Orleans Picayune.
IT is said that long upper lip indi-
Gates a certain degree of good nature.
But the less lip the better nature on the
part OF the unwilling listeners.
REMINISCENT: Jones said that the
clouds of his early childhood were no
bigger than woman's hand, but squall
always followed them.
GAS for her social standing remarks
a Colorado paper of a singer, +" it will be
sufficient to say that her father owns 1913
mules and is candidate for the legisla-
ture.
A RIVER has soft spring bed,
And pillows where to rest its head
1t has sheet of water; yet
1t never seems asleep to get.
BRIGHAM YOUNG acquired a title of
general from having been called "Briggy
dear . so often by his numerous wives.-
Puck.
The metre of much of the alleged
poetry that is born to blush unseen in
waste basket is fully as unreliable as the
average gas meter. Boston transcript.
IF we ever start newspaper we shall
call it The blood" It would have a
circulation all over the world. White
hall TEnaes.-Yes, and be universally
red YaaOcob Strauss.
LADY Examining a Japanese doll:
"Wby, it hasn't any hair on it's head. Is
it he or a she?" Shopman (urbanely):
est is a foster brother" All bob up
serenely. -Boston Globe.
A TRAVELLER informs us that the flesh
OF horse is far preferable to that of the
camel as food. People who have been
In the habit of dining on boiled leg of
camel with caper sauce, please take no.
tice.-NeaO H0Ue1a Register.
A WOMAN may be so sick all winter
that she can't wear her new bonnet to
church, but along towards the middle of
April she will manage to crawl out of
bed, turn the house upside down and
call it "spring cleaning "-N0rristoaOn
Herald.
THERE was a big fair, at which there
was considerable rivalry about the big
gest hog. One lady asked another after
the awards had been made: "Did your
husband or mine get the prize for the
biggest hog?" "Neither Of them got it.
A strange hog from the country got it.
He drew his breath with gasping sob,
with quivering voice he sang, but his
voice leaked out and he could not drown
the accompanies clamorous bang He
lost his pitch on the middle A. hefaltered
on lower D, and foundered at length like
battered wreck adrift on the wild high
C.-Music0l Herald.
"WHAT," said Squib, as he pushed
back from the table, is the difference be-
tween low price for show and Sara
Bernhardt's prices % "About two dol
lars and a half, ;" replied his practical
wife. "No," responded Squib, in dis
gust. "What is it. then?" "Wen,"
replied Squib, zone is nominal fee and
the other is phenomenal.
SINCE they built large summer MOTEL
at a certain town in Vermont it has been
discovered that a spring near the house
has medicinal qualities that will cure al
most any disease, and the villagers are
clrsing themselves to think they We gone
on paying doctors bills for all these
years, and only regarded the spring as
particularly nasty.
A New ENGLAND pastor called upon
one of deacons with whom he was at
variance, and with an air of great solem-
nifty said: "Brother, it is shame that
this quarrel of ours should bring scandal
upon the church. / have prayed earn
estly for guidance in the matter, and have
come to the conclusion that you must
give in, for I cannot. Louisville COatr-
5e1'-Joug7a0l.
YESTERDAY Glhooly visited fashion
able tonsorial arena Oh Galveston avenue
for the purpose of getting shaved. The
razor was dull and the barber had been
at the Sons of Zion temperance meeting
the previous night. The result was that
several chips were sliced off Gilhooly's
upper lip and there was an ugly cut
made ON his chin. "Can you give me
glass of water ?" Gilhooly said. Seer
tainly, sir. Do you feel faint )" said the
barber, as he handed the patient shaw
ing mug full of ice water. "No, no,
replied Gilhooly; :" just want to find
out if my mouth leaks. '-GalvestOm
Meas.
WHYcHERLY was eighty; his wife was
eighteen. Whycherly was dying, but
ere he took his final departure, he de-
manded of her solemn promise, and
she, not knowing its purport, gasped out
an assurance that his commands, what
ever they might be, should be obeyed.
Then Whycherly, with a CHASTITY smile,
said in low voice: ''My beloved wife,
the parting request l have to make of
YOU is that when I am gone-(here the
poor woman sobbed)--when am in the
cold grave (she tore her hair -when I
am laid low (the disconsolate roared