Custer chronicle. [volume] (Custer City, Black Hills, D.T. [S.D.]) 1880-1890, 1881-02-05
OR STOLEN.

IC loSto.i NlobC u iist q "a 40
major ought to make q successful COM
mercial traveller.
No lady with any refinement will use
her husbands meerschaum pipe to drive
nails in the wall.
A travelling printer, who, for want of
employment, went to work on a farm,
came in one day and asked his employer
if he should 'set that hen solid"
"Wcll, miss" said a knight Of the
birchrod, "can you decline a kiss.
Yes, sir" said the girl, dropping a per.
picked courtesy Il can, but | hate to
most ~plaguily."
George Alfred Townsend claims a
relationship with George Eliot. With q
delicacy that is as delightful as it is TN
expected, he waited until she was dead.
A red-headed IMAM recently attended
a masquerade wrapped from his neck to
his heels ia a brown cloth, and with his
head bare. He represented a lighted
cigar.
"Where are you going so fast, Mr..
Johnson ?" 'IIome, sir, home; don't
detain me | have just got a new bon
net for my wife, and must deliver it be-
fore the fashion changes"
They were walking by the seaside,
and he sighed and she sighed and she
was by his side, and he by her side, and
they were both beside themselves, be.
sides being at the seaside, where he sigh
cd and and she sighed.
A professor asked his class: "What
is the aurora ." A student. hcsitating,
replied: "ProfesSor, ] did know, but |
have forgotten" THAT is sad" rejoined
the professor "the only man in the
world that ever knew has forgotten it"
If shes got to talk slang, a Boston girl
will refine and bcautify it. The proper
caper becomes The appropriate gyration;
bang up is front hair elevated tumbling
to the racket is falling t. the audible
disturbance, and a square deal a quad.
rilatcral distribution.
The Kansas newspapers declare that a
of La Cygne, in that state, mar
rowly escaped lynching, because he in
vented a compound that would instantly
sober 4 drunken man. Public senti-
ment was against anything that tended
to cause a waste of liquor.
rs dot 500" asked a Galveston bank
Of a friend, dot Schwindlcmcyer
hash failed in pishness" The reply
was in the negative, whereat the bank
said enthusiastically - am tam
glad Schwindlemeyer wash an honest
man; den der wash too mooch competi-
ton already in dis bankrupt pishness."
The following adaptation from Mother
Coos" seems likely to enjoy a winters
run tor slide through the columns of
the college press:
GO mother, may ! ~ out ia skate?'
80 YES. my darling daughter I,
Be sure you don't fall on your pate,
put sit down as YOU oughter."
Spinster landlady: Then you and
your IN want the same rooms YOU
had last year" Young lady: Yes,
Miss S~pri9ainS, only ii isn't mamma who
is with me bat my husband; Ive got
married since last year" opinster land
lady 'Ior, now, have you? I'm glad
to hear il. Yet after all, | don't know
why | should be glad; you never did
me any harm, poor thing
They tell Ola very cultured divine
in Boston, who, instead of saving "The
collection will now be taken up, i'm
prcssively remarks, The accumulation
Of money will now ensue.' Perhaps
there is such "A man here, but he is a
poor creature compared with the { lcvc-
land shepherd of souls who says, The
deacons will now sail around. and the
congregation will enti.Gse and pass in
its chips
A Boston cui.,~ ndent Of q New
hampshire ~. AflleS: 10 you III
the Gran; ta.c love to sneer at 'BOs-
ton culturcE Then your heart will glow
when ! tell you about an i%rreverent
New Yorker condemned by business
obligations to spend Christmas week
here. Thinking to amuse himself by
seeing the city, he stepped on a Beacon
street ear, and said to the conductor,
Docs this car pass the new Art muse
um" NO. was the reply, but it passes
the new Art mu scum"