Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1881-06-17
IN A NUTSHELL.

Indigestion has comicaEy been deiu-
ed as the ingratitu de of the stom-
ach."
The best kind Of sidewalk. Walking
by the side of y lovely girl.-Phaadel-
phia San.
True, true; what our country needs
IS more navy TO back 'er.-G -Gumbridqe
Tribune.
60 to the ant, thou slluggard," don't
seem TO be needed in any way by the
sluggard, who generally goe to his uncle.
A chiyalrous exchange thinks when
man marries widow he should give
up smoking. 'tShe gives up her weeds"
he should be equally polite.
Jack, what relation to YOU is that
old gentleman | saw you with this
morning. ''Oh, not much; he's mar
ried to my grandparents only daughter
The first religious body to formally
adopt the revised New Testament was
the Congregational Association OF Marl-
boro, Mass, but the vote was afterward
reconsidered
An exchange asks "HoU large is
our American navy?a About six
inches long, and three-eighths of an
inch thick. It's regular plug of
navy -Keok,uk CorStitutSon.
As regards this matter OF pensions to
Government clerks, it seems to us that
after man has been writing for thirty
or forty years it's natural that he should
be a penSnunner-1 1oro.to Globe.
A man undertook the other day 10
make 4 jury believe he was deaf but
a chap hired by the opposing counsel
softly whispered, Lets 60 ont and
drink" and the fellow heard him the
first time-BoStoa Post
Some Texas farmers will try the ex-
pertinent of importing the Lubbock
beetles from Russia. These beetles are
very ferocious and live on grasshopper>,
locusts, cotton worms and every insect
that destroys crops. Boston Pest
An Illinois physician prescribed rest
and quiet for an i'll merchant. whereup-
on the afflicted man ordered the pap
ers to discontinue his advertisements.
This brought him the needed repose.-
Modern lrgo.
4 rumor come es from Paris that bon
nets are to be worn on the head here
after. 1t strikes us the head would be
good place on which 10 wear il bon,
net, but such 4 departure will lcok
little odd ut first.
A New Hampshire man got up to
light lamp and fell dead. Our readers
will bear witness that we have always
pointed out that this getting mp 1T night
-, c.&t., ID 4 a..
terrible Justification of our course.
Quiet beniicial. Morse who invented
the telegraph, and Bell the inventor of
| the telephone. both had deaf mute
wives. Little comment is necessary.
but Just see what man can accomplish
when everything is quiet.-LotreH
Mass Citizen
A beautiful thought appreciated: An
excited old maid III Il temperance lodge
Il few evenings since read an original
poem entitled, The lips that touch
liquor shall never touch mine. and the
young men present gave her three
eheers.-New York Star.
With pleading eyes $ . looked up
from the piano and sang, Call me
Your darling again" But lie refused,
rs there were witnesses around and
there is no telling when man will be
introduced to breach of promise suit
these days
The attempted elopement Of two
babies has just been frustrated nj Gin
cinnati. George Rose and Fanny
Thauer, aged II and Is respectively,
ran away from Coultersville, Pa. and
were caught in the former city. They
had pluekily set about TO get work, iii
which the girl had succeeded
"Whv I'm so glad you've come Did
you know that I've been worrying
about you, John, all the evening""
That's just what | married you for
1t is pleasant to think that there il
some one ut home worrying about YOU
Somehow this view Of the matter didn't
exactly coincide with her ideas Of mar
ital amenities.
Lessing, the German philosopher,
being absent minded, knocked Mt his
own door one evening, when the ser
want, looking out Of the window, and
not recognizing him, said "The pro
fessor is not ut home ''Oh, very
well, said Lassing, eonlposedly. walk
ing away, "I'll call another time"
/ When handsome Jack was cautiously
going up behind pretty Miss Dashie q
to steal a kiss which she wouldn't have
granted for any amount Of pleading,
her little brother, who had happned t0
look in the door behind Jack, yelled te
look out, and so she was able TO avoid
letting Jack kiss her And somehow
she boxed her brothers ears when they
were alone together.
Scientific: "Dovey," lie said, Il think
| was telling you after | came home
last night about the necessity Of some
retrenchment in our expenditures. was
/ not2' "Well, really, I've forgotten
john" she answered, nonchalently
turn on the phonograph and see.
He turned it on and all it said was
"Whazzer mazzer --fhicl l-mazzer
Whazzer mazzer2" Chicago Tribune.