Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-03-27
PITH AND POINT.

WHAT this country wants is patent
automatic telephone answerer.
PEOPLE with badly-ventilated coal
cellars are not admirers of Voltaire.
The only hand in this world which
blesses those who grasp it is afull hand.
SMALL dishes are decorated so hand
somely now that pickles look unhappy
in them.
THERMOMETERS reform late in Life (;
they never become temperate until near
ly 60.
WHY is the American stage like the
American eagle? Because it has wings,
and flies, of course.
The principal Of young ladies' SEM
mary in Syracuse has so exhaustingly
inflicted her pupils with department
that, when left alone, her girls of 16 act
like sixty.
"Do YOU favor my suit % said Claude
to Angelina, the other day. eyes, was
the crushing reply, 81 look with more
favor on the new clothes than I do on
the owner
EVEN the wisest is sometimes fool.
For example, the philosopher who wore
his spectacles when he was asleep that
he might recognize friends he might see.
in his dreams.
INDIANA has law to prevent weak
minded persons marrying. a crusty
bachelor insinuates that the weak-mind-
ed are the only persons who ever think
of doing such thing.
FATHER TINE is pictured as an old
and bald-headed gentleman, but he man.
ages to skip around quite lively, all the
same, in spite of being handicapped by
agricultural implements.
An exchange frantically asks: care
blacksmiths who make living by forg-
ing, or carpenters who do little coun-
terfitting, any worse than men who sell
iron and steel for living?"
A BACHELOR at q banquet in New
castle, Eng, gave the following toast:
"The women and coal of Durham coun-
ty. Oh, how desolate our fresides
would be without them !"
VENICE is the richest city in Italy-it
is almost free from debt. And with all
those canals, too {! The Venetian Alder
men and State Legislators are fearfully
behind the age.--Puck.
AN impairment fop made sport Of an
old farmers large nose, mouth, and
chin but the old farmer silenced him by
saying, Your nose, mouth, an chin
all had to be made small so at there'd
be material left for your cheek"
IT takes a country school-master for
shrewdness. When the weather is cold
and the school-house imperfectly heated
he puts the head of the class nearest
the stove, and then all the scholars work
like blazes to rank high in their studies.
A GENTLEMAN once remarked to witty
lady of his acquaintance that he must
have been born with a silver spoon in
his mouth. She looked at him care
fully. and, noting the size of his mouth,
replied, ''I don't doubt it !; but it must
have been soup-ladle."
AFTER all the evidence was in, Gal
weston Judge asked the accused, who
was charged with stealing watch. if he
had anything more to offer. 81 did
have an old silver watch to offer you,
ledge, but my lawyer borrowed it, and
hasn't brought it back yet. "-Galvestoaa
NeaUs.
MANY physicians claim that intemper-
ance is disease. 1t must be con-
tagious, then at any rate, man who
gets drunk finally catches it when he
goes home. There may appear to be
some little discrepancy or contradic-
ton here, but we can't stop for that
now.
eyes," remarked musical critic, re-
Gently from Kansas, "the fddlin' was
bully; but I tell you when that fat chap
with the big mustache laid hold of the
bass fiddle and went for them low notes
in the violin-cellar, just felt as if @
buzz-saw was playin' Yankee Doodle
on my backbone.
TWAS Sunday eve and the small boy stood
With his eye to the keyhole pressed,
And he saw his sister Bessy's head
On Absalom Thompson's vest.
Then he ran to his parent stern and told,
And the parent stern replied:
"There amt no harm In a vest; slide out"
But the lad refused to slide.
"There amt no harm in vest, know"
And his eyes flashed bright that minute,
"But isn't it dangerous, dad, he asked,
"When Absalom Thompson's in it,"
OUTRAGE by policeman: Sam john
sing was up again yesterday. "What
brings you here this time?" asked the
Recorder. ode pliceman, sab; de
same what brung me heah last time"
81 mean what did you do?" 81 was
jess passin' grocery store, when I
struck my head agin ham what was
hanging by de dore. I tuck de ham
down to put it somewhares whar it
would be safe from folks Dustin their
brains out agin it, when de fust I knowed
a pliceman tried to get de ham away
from me, and becase l wouldn't let de
ham 90 he Jess brung me along, too"