Sharp County record., 1881-06-23
True Happiness.

"What / was gwine to remark" said
Brother Gardner, of the Limekiln Club,
"am to de etfeck dat de Hon. Abe Loss
ford, of Howell, Mich, has arove in de
city at my request to deliber his cele-
brated lectur' on True Happiness befo
dis club. He am now in de aunty-room,
an Sir Isaac Walpole an Rev. PenStock
will don de proper regalia an fotch him
in"
In the course of the next five minutes
the Hon. Mr.. Lossford was "fotched."
He had ON a new suit, walked like Ma
poleon, looked like Plato and took the
platform with all the ease of Nero.
"Gem'len," he began, as he looked
down upon the bald head of Elder
Toots, "how many of you know what
real happiness arp Dat is, how many
of you doan' know muffin bout itP Con-
fucius thought he was happy, but he
wasn't. He didn't know muffin bout
watermellyons, or persimmons, or green
corn. Caesar thought he was happy,
but he didn't know muffin bout popcorn,
or hickory-nuts, or sweet cider. Plato
said he had muffin 10 regret, an yet he
neber went in swimmin', or was on
skates, or tended a Sunday Skule
basket picnic.
cart kin beautify our homes, riches
kin gin us luxuries, an health kin gin
us good appetites an refreshin' sleep,
but happiness am sunthin' beyond all
dat. When you shoulder Gsh-pole an
put box O bait in yer pocket an start
off to fish you think you am happy, but
how is it long bout sundown when you
come home wild one poo ole sunfish in
peck basket? De young man who
hires libery rid an takes his gal out
ridin' may think he's happy, but he
isn't When he comes to tigger up de
cost Of his Sunday clothes, de hire of
de rig, de chances of smashin' wheel
an brokin' de gals neck, whar' am de
happiness? Some of you culpd folkses
git hold of watermellyon an sot down
in de shade fur from de busy hum of in
dustry an 60 YUM yum! an imagine
dat you am happy. I've bin dar, an it
makes my mouf pucker to think OF it,
but was happyP No, sab! When |
come to reekolect dat p'raps some will
yam had plugged de fruit an dosed il
wild ialap, an dat in anoder hour [
might be standin' ON de banks of de
my ystic ribber | broke down an cried.
"Am you happy when you find lost
wallet with heap O. money in it? No,
sab, becase apurleeceman am allus nigh
'nuff to see you pick it up. Am you
happy when you am gwine up to Lake
St. Clair on an 'scursion? No, sab,
kase de biler may bust. Am you happy
when you sot down to eat apples in the
busuri of your family? No, sab, kase
thoughts of trychina am risin' up to
make you afraid. You can't be happy
in new clothes, kase you am afeared de
pants will bag at de knees. You can't
be happy in an old suit, kase some one
will start story dat you have bin
speckulatin' in pork an lost all yer
property. .
"Darfore, I say to you to give up
lookin' for true happiness. Dar's too
many burglars an robbers an liars an
snakes an skeeters an bugs an snow
an mud an dust in dis world to permit
of anythin' beyond temporary enjoy
ment. Be as happy as you kin, but
don't let emagination run away wild you,
Dat is, when you sharpen your ak, look
ahead fur huff to AK yerself who am
gwine to break his back at de handleof de
grinestun. Wild desc few transgresslons,
loosely bolted together fur temporary
transportation, an delibered in speerlt
of terrorism, will close by wishin you
all de happiness dat Natur' am willin to
grant to sich as us.
The conclusion of the address was
received with such enthusiasm that five
lengths of stovepipe fell to the floor and
the red-hot stove had to be carried out
on the graveled roof of the store-house
adjoining the hall.-Detr01 Free Press.
William l.. Black, on diving at Hal