The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-04-29
HERE Ann THERE.

Buffers "irrefragable testimony still
fails to materialize.
Sitting Bull is Tanners latest rival
At least his abject penitence justifies the
belief that he is ALTERED hungry.
No kerosene lamp should be allowed
to stand in a draught of air. Lack of
precaution in this regard has just led TO
two funerals IN Canada.
Wilson County Citizen: The Wichita
Eagle feels 50 mad at Jay Gould that it
publishes a poem about him. Gould
will probably squirm if he finds it out.
Jehn II. Rice, of the Ft Scott Monitor,
is now posing as the "grand old union
l soldier whom the democrats intend to
nominate for Sergeant-at-arms of the U.
8. Senate.
The chewing gum industry has receiv-
ed a death blow by means of an. appro-
priation voted by the legislature of Mich
igan for the establishment of a reform
school for girls.
Mr. Beecher told the story of his first
Drink, at a recent temperance meeting
| in New York This is well enough, but
Il is the last potation of the average tenn
perance reformer that the public is usu-
ally interested in hearing about.
A young lady of Madison, Wis, re-
ceived many anonymous poems of an
amorous and fiattering character. She
finally submitted them to an intimate
friend, a married lady, who recognized
the handwriting as her husbands.
Mr.. Frye, of Maine, has been christ
ened ''the Senate jackal," by the Demo
cratic journals. His recent lively de-
voiIs to the Bourbon cadaver indicates
that the eternal fitness of things was
not ignored in the selection of the title.
ais the heart rightg' demands the
reverend Mr.. Talmage, of an unregener-
ate public. Give it up. The sympathet-
ic relation between that organ and the
liver renders satisfactory answer to
such an inquiry extremely difficult at
this season of the year.
New York Herald: More than six
IL4OuS<Au0 aAAiNCN
and most of them will go west Per
haps some day the impecunious Ameri-
can may become sensible enough to fol-
low their example instead of staying
and starving in New York.
Since the suspension of street car
travel in st. Louis, the municipal author
tiles are gravely considering the pro-
priety of placarding the town with the
explanatory legend: "This is city,"
for the benefit of strangers who may
happen to be detained at that point.
There is genuine flavor of romance
in the stories which come to us of floods
in western Kansas. The public is quite
prepared now to grapple with the an
nouncement that polar wave has over
taken that fervid locality which has
been abolished by Bob Ingersoll.
1t is said that twenty-one years ago
this month, a steamboat assembled the
Kaw river as far as Topeka. But not
withstanding the fact that there has been
steady dimInution IN the consumption
of water at the state capital for the past
quarter of century, the venture has new
er been repeated.
It is now asserted upon excellent au-
thority that Henry Clay Dean has Joined
David Davis il the laudable enterprise
OF revolutionizing the politics of the
country. Now, who will be the next
man 10 strike blow for God and hu-
manity by advancing the Independent
party TO the numerical force of triplets?
New York Tribune: Senator Malone
says frankly that he has made no "bar-
gain" with either party and that he is
absolutely free to vote as he pleases.
Now will Senator Brown tell us as freely
all about the "bargain'' he tried to make
and couldn't, and the other one he made
with the democrats in return for per
mission TO aspire to Presidential nom
ination?
An Interesting case is now before st.
Louis court. A nervous old gentleman
has brought suit for damages and an in:
junction against the trustees of church,
lllS VA AAhA ohohO,
give him the dyspepsia aAd render him
half insane. The chimes play the same
old tune every quarter of an hour.
Ninety-six times day could be little
monotonous.
When the entire Western press is
teeming with apocyphal anecdotes of
beasts, birds, reptiles and fishes, an East
ern paper may be pardoned for inserting
modest little story about snake and
stork. The stork was shot by Lester
Williams, at Mount Vernon. While its
mortal remains were undergoing ex-
animation at the hands of ornithologi-
cal experts, snake thrust its head out
of the birds mouth. The experts, who
| were not there in the interest o! snakes,
naturally enough jumped TO one side
to await developments, whereupon the
reptile crawled leisurely out of the
stork's stomach and submitted itself to
measurement. 1t was four feet in length
and three and a half inches in circum-
ference. 1t is to be hoped that later
| dispatches will mention the kind of IL
quor usually consumed at Mount Yer
non.