Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1881-11-24
Al Accession to the Family.


tread that shook the whole house. can,
SO it's girl, my DEAR
| Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled family ant
Mr.. Spoopendyke picked up hisheiress
| 'sIt's the image Of you,p she said
regarding with some trepidation Mr.
Spoopendyke's method Of handling thu
infant.
'sI don't see how you make that out,
said Mr.. Spoopendyke, gravely. s.l
don't know when my nose looked like
the thumb part of boiled lobster claw
Do / understand you that my eyes beal
any resemblance TO the head of screw 2
81 mean the general features" muir
INJURED Mrs. Spoopendyke.
'The general features seem to be all
mouth" retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke,
examining his acquisition. 'sIf our gen.
eral features are at all alike, my visagf
must remind you Of an earthquake. Hi
kitcheel kitcheel What makes her fold
| up hef legs ike that
"She can't help it, reasoned Mrs.
Spoopendyke. They'll straighten out
in time"
mo time like the present." quoted
Mr.. Spoopendyke, and he took his
daughters feet and commenced pulling
her limbs. 81 don't want any handy
legged first in this family while I'm at
the head of it,"
Naturally the baby began to cry and
Mr.. Spoopendyke essayed to soothe it.
ssHii kitchee kitch-ee- r. he chir-
ruped. s'Great Scott, what cavern
Any idea how much this mouth weighs
Hi kitchee kitch-eel You'll have to
get that mouth rooted in before cold
weather. What's the matter with her,
anyway"
sPerhaps you hurt her. Let me take
her, please pleaded helpless Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
"She's doing we'll enough. Hi you
hold upl Haven't you anything to catch
this mouth in It's spilling all over the
neighborhood. Hi ! Topsy, Genevieve,
Cleopatra, dry upl I'm going to have
trouble breaking this young ones tenn
per, can see that. Herel bend the
other way once r. and Mr.. Spoopendyke
tried to straighten up his offspring with
out avail.
"Let her come to me, do please, !"
moaned Mrs. Spoopendyke, and Mr..
Spoopendyke was forced to hand her
over.
ssWell, that's quite baby" said ne.
nursing his knee and eyeing the infant.
"What're those bumps over its eyes
for? What preponderance Of intelli-
gence do they represent r
sYou mustn't talk so" demonstrated
Mrs. Spoopendyke. .She's the hand
soonest child you ever saw"
swell, she's got to stop biting her
nails before she goes any further with
this procession. Here. take your hands
out of your mouth, can't you? Why
don't you put her hands down ?"
"Why, all babies do that" explained
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "You can't stop
that"
.,pm going to try" said Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, and don't want to be inter-
fered with in bringing this child up.
Here, you. Maud s. Bonesetter, put
your hands in your pocketsl Don't let
me see any more nail chewing or you
and I'll get mixed up in an argument.
She gets that from your family. Mrs.
Spoopendyke."
'Say, dear, don't you want to go and
order some things?" asked Mrs. Spoop-
endyke.
sNo," rejoined her husband, ''I want
to see this youngster. Where's her
chin? Do babies always have their
upper Jaw set right on their shoulders !?
Kitcheel kitcheeI Her scalp comes
clear to the bridge Of her nose. I don't
believe she's quite right. Where's her
forehead? Great Mosesl Her head is
all on the back part Say, that baby's
got to be pressed. That's no shape"
"Get away" exclaimed Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, Indignantly. "She's a perfect
angel. There's nothing III the world
the matter with her"
"Of course you know" growled Mr.
Spoopendyke. "You don't want any
thing mora than fog horn and mis-
spent apsrt priation to be an orphan
ssylum. If I had Jour faith and the
collie I'd m se a living as foundling's
home. She'll be old enough to srank
in week, won't she r.
ssNo, she won'tl said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. "She'H never be old enough for
that"
sI,ll bet she will,' grunted Mr..
Spoopendyke s'if she isn't, she'll ge
it before she natures up to that period.
That's all. Let me take her. Here.
let's have her"
But Mrs. Spoopendyke fiatly refused,
Keep your dod gasted baby, then r
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke. II you
know more about babies than do. then