Daily globe., 1881-02-07
The Chronicle of Ran,seye.
(Stillwater Lumberman.]

saltwater Lumberman.
Now, in the days when Pillsbury rcigned
in Sainpol, Joewhelock journeyed to Jor
dan to bathe there, and Fredriscol said
unto himself, "Behold | will run the
machine, and men shall do me honor"
For he was among them (which call
themselves Sompunkins.
So he set about that he would send
Ramseye unto the great assemblage, and
he wist not that he had bitten of larger
hunk than he could masticate.
And he spread it abroad that there
were great cries among the people that
Ramseye be elected to the great assem-
blage, and he sat up nights to make pro-
clamation that people wept because more
honor had not been done to the son of
Penna.
And verify these things were so, in your
mind.
Now, Ramseye was we'll stricken in
years, and he was of the Oriticeseekers,
which do hunt for gain.
And Fredriscol called aloud: ''Let us
now wipe away this shame which hath
fallen upon us. For, 10 these four score
years only hath Ramseyc stood before the
public crib, and night cometh on when
he must be scooped in with his fathers.
Behold, now he hath but two offices, and
one is ad interim and one is dd 0uterin,;
let us now give him Il third, for three of
kind beateth two pair, after the man.
ncr of the un Cody"
But certain of the wise men said, $50
to now,'' and they mentioned also the
place he might 60 to; where the ice man
cometh not and the match factory is not
quenched. "Thou givest us taffy, and
two peas on a stick
And Fredriscol was wroth and he made
great oath swearing, "By Shimminy,"
and he sent ambassadors to persuade
Ramseye.
Now Ramsey was crafty in his gencr-
alton, and he replied, "See now my kind
ness. For have no contest to make with
Mack, which is the Othafeller, neither
would stand in his sunshine, and my
soul revolteth at this thing of which ye
have spoken to me, even as the cat re-
volteth at sweet cream. Nevertheless
am in the hands of friends
And he smole smile and wunk Il
wink, and retired into his tent, and slept
the sleep of the righteous and dreamed
dreams and saw visions.
And so 1t came to pass there started
the Ramseye boom, which begun with
a big B and ended with two DIS.
And Fredriscoll proclaimed from the
housetops, "Lo Ramseye hath con-
sented.''
Then all the people replied: You bet
your boots,'' for Ramseye alwas had con-
sented, even from the beginning after
the custom of his people, which are the
Orifiiceseekers.
And Fredriscol when he was come
people commune one with the other,
Othafeller. Is he not a square man?
Why shall we not cleave unto him."
And FredriScOl made other prOclama
tions, crying aloud in public places: ''Be-
hold this Strumpet of corruption. Do l
not know her. Of verify, men and
brethren, she strutteth about. and she
purchaseth these people like sheep. Be-
ware of the postmaster; beware of the
pine land ring; beware of him which was
in hell of a fix; beware oh children of
Skinpol of everyone but me-"
And all the people were amazed and
cried "Gosh," with the voice of one man.
And the friends of Mack the Othafeller
made figures on a slate and them which
clave to the Othafeller were more than
they which clave unto Ramseye; and it
was revealed unto Fredriscol.
Then came the day of the corcus, and
Fredriscol arose in the watches of the
night, for he had dreams, likewise worms,
and when daylight was come he related
his dream, saying: "Behold how tre-
mendous liars abound, bigger than thy
servant which is Sompunkins, and they
claim for the Othafeller IS or Is votes.
but it hath been revealed to me that RAM
seye taketh the cake, and don't you for
get it,; for he hath 75 or IS votes while
Mack. the Othafcller, hath but 45 or 46.
And the people were sore afraid and set
watches to catch the liars.
And when the corcus came on behold
the Othafeller had rs votes and Ramseye
had but 26 So the latter Orifce of that
man was the greatest he ever got into,
and he pulled it in after him.
And the people called unto Fredriscol:
''Where now is the liar!''
And Fredriscol replied, '.Verily it was
not much of liar; just little one for
cent, and it is SICK
So the people were no more afraid.
Now when Fredriscol was come into
his own house he wrote messoge unto
Joewhelock after these words:
''Verily beloved, hell is to pay and no
pitch hot Thy servant has run the ma
chine for Gods sake, and it is now run
into the ground three score fathoms be-
low the resurrection. And /, even thy
servant, am no more of them which call
themselves Somepunkins; but as Dam
phool, 10 am a gorgeous nickle-plated
=
feels and no more at present; thine truly,
Fredriscol.'; Also he added proscript:
..When next the season cOmeth for kick
ing Day out of the pastoffice, surely that
season will we let out the job by con-
tract :;