Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-08-18

beat it all hollow.
Scent and aroma are terms of similar
meaning, and yet roamer is frequent
ly without cent.
The proverb says: mark the perfect
man." Proverb be blowedl ANYBODY
vino rises to mark us will get bruised.
A Brooklyn maiden wants to know
how to avoid having mustache come
OH her upper lip. Eat onions, sis.
Now doth the busy bumble-bee
Improve each shining hour
By driving his small sting with glee
In boys with all his power.
A new definition A jury is body
of men organized to find out which side
has the smartest lawyer.-McGreqor
NeUs
There is wonderful power in ina
glnatlOn, but it gets weak in the knees
when it undertakes to shoulder a picnic
lemonade.
hobbs says Filkins wouldn't tell lie
under any consideration, but he has
known him to egregionsly equivocate
under skin full Of schnapps.
A man advertises for a competent
person to undertake the sale of new
medicine, and adds that cit will be
highly lucrative to the undertaken"
A girl opened a barber shop at Ho-
mer, H., and closed it in a month,
having already married one of the men
whom she shaved.
Young ladies and elephants attain
their growth at eighteen; but whereas
eighteen trunks scarcely suffice for a
young lady, the elephant has to get
along with one.
/ She didn't sing in accents glad
She almost spoiled the chorous,
And this was all because she had
Upon her back porous
"a new puzzle is to find the letter
M on the legal-tender silver dollar"
To great many persons it will prove
a great deal harder puzzle to find the
dollar itself.-No175StoaOn Herald.
| William R. Dickerson, one of the
Oldest lawyers in Philadelphia was re-
spected and fairly successful before he
went into the great Whitaker will for
gerry. Now he is broken down, penni-
less, and convict.
Nevada, Vermont and Maine pay less
internal revenue tax than any other
three states, and Illinois, Kentucky and
New York are the three that pay the
most. The yield is chiefly from whis-
key and tobacco.
Reports from Kansas cities agree
that the prohibitory liquor law past last
winter is already disregarded All the
saloons were closed awhile, but they
/
interference.
Too much work and too little food
have thrown a Baltimore girl into a
strange condition of hysteria and cpl
lepsy. During several weeks she has
lain unconscious of her surroundings.
but fancying that she sees her dead
parents, to whom she talks raptur-
ously,
Mamma" said fve-year old, the
J other day, 81 wish you wouldn't leave
me to take care of baby again. He was
so bad | had to eat all the sponge cake
and two jars of raspberry jam to amuse
him.
A witness was on the stand in an lille
gal liquor sale case. The counsel was
trying to find out in what kind of a
glass the liquor was handed to the wit
ness, and at last exclaimed: "What
kind of a looking glass was it?" 'Be-
gorra, sor, it was not looking glass at
all, 1t was a tumbler."
BrOWnson: Well, | always make it a
rule 10 tell my wife everything that
happens. Smithkins: Oh, my dear
fellow, that's nothing. I tell my wife
lots of things that never happened at
all.
About 5000 pounds of roses are re-
quired to produce one pound Of the
altar of roses. This delightful perfume
is chiefly produced in Bulgaria, where
the value of the yield in 1880 was esti-
mated at 100000.
A couple eIoped at Falling Springs,
W. Va, and were hotly pursued by the
girls father. His horse threw him,
breaking his leg, and the sutton consid-
erately bore him back home. This
caused a diversion, giving the young
man time to prove that he was not d
gambler, as his skill at cards had led
the father to believe, but belonged to a
wealthy and respectable Boston family.
A peaceful wedding ensued.
A1CA1y DCu 1IlOll k'0OAlJ VIZ CAOAC
Josh" of theatrical fame, and wife
are enjoying the summer at their home
in Mr., Thompson's native village, West
Swanzey, n. H. Uncle Josh" has a
fine two-story-and-a-half house, hand
somely furnished, a large and commo-
dious barn, and nine acre plat of
ground. His parents, Capt. and Mrs.
Rufus Thompson live near by. The
latter will celebrate their golden we'd
ding on the 18th of this month.
One Of Cincinnati Judges reasons
for refusing to grant q divorce to a man
was that ne had taken his wife "from
the domestic circle and launched her
into the midst of iniquities which sur
round the path of comedy and youth
full female in a business life requiring
travel and frequent contact with worldly
people" In other words he had sent
her out as book agent.
Wonderful Power.
When medicine performs such cures
as Kidney-Wort is constantly doing, it