The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-03-10
ALL SORTS.
Trains are reserved for full dress.

| IL 10 Ssiti put u ue- tiut iiitb " wv Vbe'
becomes deaf seldom enjoys a happy
hereafter.
People do not need to know more abou,
virtue, hut rather to practice what they
already know.
Ii there is any person to whom ynu
feel n dislike, that is the person OF whom
you ought never to speak.
\ lady whose son was eaten by canni-
balls pleasantly remarked that he WIZ
killed and buried the same hour.
A city missionary was asked the cause
of his poverty. "Principally because |
have preached SO much without notes,
he said.
1t may be we'll to state for the informal
ton of amateur artists that plaster casts
of royal personaee are not made of court
plaster.
The London Spectator says that En-
mankind, the melancholy and thoughtful
nincompoop."
Vennor, having studied the para
graphic columns of American newapa-
pers, predicts that this will not be an no
pun winter.
Il am very much afraid of lightning
said pretty lady "And well you may
be" replied despairing lover, las your
heart is made of steel"
The girls don't care much about the
men, but they are just dying to know
whether brunettes or blondes will pre-
dominate in Gartield's Cabinet.
The Chicago Inter Ocean calmly OBJ
serves that the telegraphed statement
hot I.l1 Lot. 10, full IF loo " il ssnnf
orthodox, but very consoling.'
A New Jersey colored man, whose wife
had left him. said 'She would come
back if | frowed her some sugar; but l
amt frowin' no sugar, do You heah ?"
A witness in criminal trial in France
was asked if he wasn't relative of the
accused. "How can tell" was the an
swef. II am a foundling."
"Where do YOU hail from ?" queried a
Yankee of trader. Where do you
rain from?" Don't rain at all, said
the astonished Jonathan. Neither do l
hail"
An exchange contains the marriage
notice of II Mr.. and Miss Car. We notice
it merely rs an instance of car coupling
by clergyman. which is something I'M
usual.
The two principal questions now asked
at the English custom house of passen-
gers arriving from New York are Have
You any tobacco" and 'have you 'Endy-
mion?"
Mile Bernhardt is to accept the offer
of Boston sculptor to allow her to
occupy his studio and do some modelling.
How does the lengthy busy B. improve
each shining hour!
The Elmila Free Press has discovered
that the declaration of the Albany Ar us
that editors are only human, has created
intense Indignation throughout the
civilized world.
His text was. "What doest thou here,
Elijah?" He divided it into two heads.
First, my brethren" said he, "let us
consider what Elijah did hear; and
second, what he didn't hear
In the preface of a book we have an
illustration of the Scriptural declaration
that the first shall be last, and the last
first" The preface is always written
last and comes first.
Women are not naturally funny. They
range above or below it. They may be
keen and witty, but are not apt to be
humorous. Nevertheless, they are good
creatures-maIE of them.
4 citizen of Plymouth, Indiana, fired
six shots at supposed burglar, and then
his wife called out: "See here, Sam, If
you don't stop shooting at me, you'll
have the house full of neighbors.
Ibid you know" said n cunning Cen
tile to Jew, THAT they hang Jews and
jackasses together in Portland?" In
deed" retorted Solomon; 'den it ish veil
dat you and ish not dere.'
Children, says the philadelphia Chron-
icle, should be continually warned
against associating with bad company.
This would save them, when older, from
going to the Pennsylvania Legislature.
my DEAR" said an anxious matron to
her daughter, lit is very wrong for
young people to be throwing kisses at
each other" "Why so, mamma? I'm
sure they don't hurt. even if they do
hit"
A subscriber who has received a letter
from town in Maine, wants to know
how we pronounce "Wequegongkaw-
Observation-Disclosures" We don't pro-
nounce it all. We haven't got enough
insurance on our life to attempt such a
feat
The newest thing in high art, girls, is
to paint your brothers pipe a delicate
sky blue, with cluster of lilies OF the
,-allav on the howl II Won haven't GOT A