The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1881-01-22
Ghs Gntelligentsr,
ms, AND nRa. NPO0PENDYKE.
They Discuss Certain Proposed Calls 0
Their hsiKhbuEB,

hB. AND ARR.. SPOOPENDXKE.
They Discuss Certain Proposed Calls on
Their heighbOFs.
Brooklyn Eagle
snow, my dear" sAid Mr., spOopenkyke
"lst me see the list Of ladies you wish me
to call on. really don't care to 60 around
much, but q man ought to do what BIZ
wife wants him to do on New Years Day,
Where's the list2"
"Hers 1t Is" said Mrs, spoopendyks,
auttsring around with her hair in her
mouth. " wrote them all out with the
addresses for you, go you wouldn't have
any trouble"
what makes you put old Sister L NH
at the head Of the listP" growled Mr.,
spoopendyke. "she's got q Wart on her
chin the size Of q FIRE bell, and she can't
talk anything but the advantages Of eggU
over stove coal for heating the Sunday
School"
but che belongs to the church, and !
don't believe any one else will call on
her," reasoned Mrs, spoopsndyke. "she
will be tickled to death to see you"
"What do you think | am starting out
for" demanded Mr.. spoopendyke fercely.
Got an idea I'm going round like mis-
ionary 10 carry the gospel TO people
avery body else Is afraid OH Who's this2
What's this second name here? Who's
Mrs, ShklymbretoyH
That's Mrs. Wolverton. promised
her you would call. Never mind Mrs.
Lamb, but you ought to call on Mrs.
Wolverton."
"What lor2 What has she got In com.
mon with me, except that her bones are
hollowP She don't know the difference
between a Guinea pig and the burning oil
Jerusalem. Always wants TO know II
don't think that 6odom and Gomorrah
were parallels. To that the kind Of list
you've made out2 Want me to run
around among the old monumental
Who's Mrs SwRshT'
That's Mrs, Smith, the little widow.
You know she's interested In sending
women out West to get husbands. She'll
Rmuse you"
"She will II she sees me. She'll make
me laugh like hyena II she gets one eye
on me Who's that yelloW.headed girl
hat sits two peWs in front Of us2 I'd
call on her now"
She's little chit OF thing You don't
want to run after those young people-R
man Of your ageI"
whats the reason dontP" howled
Mr.. spoopendyke, SCOT an idea that |
only care Tor the tough old people, haven't
YOU? Think I'm . sort Of Plymouth Rock,
don't your Got any more old landmarks
nat need lnspeCtionP"
II don't care, demonstrated Mrs,
Spoopendyke, Indignantly; "they're nice
people, and like to cultivate them. They
may be alone in lie, but they can't help
It."
"Cultivate 'em II you want TO-" growled
hr. Spoopendyke, "but II you think I'm
going hoeing around among 'em on the IL
II January you're left. What dye want
o cultivate EN- for2 With your friends
ana ideas you only need weekly prayer
and an alarm OF Ere TO be an old woman't
home. Who else have you got here2 Mrs
,SliRgonshratt Mrs. WoptenSlough, Miss
KimpEt-"
You don't read them right ct all, com.
claimed Mrs. Spoopendyke. "That's MrS
Silverspoon end Mrs. Worthipgton and
Miss HemmiDgWay. They are just as nice
as the Can be-"
care they the three.fold worthless who
howl In the Choir2" asked Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke, sternly. They've got q grandson
old enough to be my father"
"Fhey haven't" sobhed Mrs. spoop.
endyke. "You know better"
"Well, most Of 'em have. What dye
want me to call on 'em tori Got any more
old almanaCs expecting me7 Where's the
sphinx? You haven't got the Sphinx
down here, nor the Tower OF Babel
Who're these other pyramids2 Who's
Mira UpsidedOwp?"
"Thats Mrs. Edgerton. She sent you
the jelly when you were sick, and you said
she was The best woman In BrooklYn'
You'll haye TO call on her for politen0 %
said MIRA spoopenlyke, severely.
~ won't, eitherr" shouted Mr.. Spoon.
endyke 1.-THE jelly was sour, and she
made me pay dollar toward q plaster
Paris angel for o starving family out In
Flatbush. Who's this other nurse Of
George Vashington's2 Here, this is q
mistake, went 10 old Miss Shumslock's
funeral thirty years ago."
"You didn't You never did," pro.
claimed Mrs spoopendyke, thoroughly
arousedP Thpt isn't her nsme, either.
lie Miss scho6eId, and she's Tho best
friend I've got. only want"
~ know what YOU want" Missed Mr..
| SpoOnendyke, "You want q few mora nc.
quaintanCes and mao to be guide book
TO ancient Troy. Think I'm going to call
on that old monolith2 Got anything here
that belongs TO modern times2 Know
an body gho has been dug up within six
or eight cenIuries3 Who's that black eyed
girl In the Bible tlaSs7 DON'T she hang
out a Gag today2"
II wouldn't look at her" shifted Mrs.
Spoonendy ke;"t wouldn't have you TO 20
there ior worlds Besides che don't re.
Ceive."
whats this2" demanded Mr.. spoopsn.
dyke. "Nhats Mrs.. Wimpostyx got 10 do
with Il? What cemetery will find her
inP"
aThat's Mrs Willoushby," explained
Mrs spoopendyke, complaCently. "she's
the young widow ThQ recently Joined the
church."
"Don't mind calling on her." said Mr..
Spoopendyke. "She wasn't born morn four
thousand yeSrs before the Christian era.
Got any more like her? Does this measly
list contain anybody elae who wasn't the
mother Of the Chinese Empire Think Of
any more grave stones that hayht bad The
epIthstg worn od2"