The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1881-07-21
WAITS

A basket full Of onions viii not hold
water, because it is full Of leeks.
The Cincinnati Art Club IS doing
finely. Six more pork-packers have
joined.-Phiadelphia NeUs
A ''papered' house may give thumb
ers Of applause, but it is attended by-a
lightning Of receipts.
A man should do all his romance and
loyemaking before the rheumatism sets
in.-N 7. Commercial AdrerissT.
The demand for planks two inches
thick is now very active. They are 70
be sawed into bottoms for strawberry
boxes.
Lots Of people are willing TO rob Peter
to pay Paul, only they get tired when
the job is half done. They neglect to
pay Paul.-HOHheyS Gazette.
The small boy thinks it must be fun
to be a carpenter 1t is probably, and
that Is the reason that the carpenter
gets 50 little pay for his work
BeaconsfeId didn't die because the
doctors say he would. 1t was only af-
ter they said he wouldn't that he gave
up the Detroit Free Press.
Prof. Swift's comet cannot be found
by any other astronomer. Its suspect
ed that some evil disposed boy painted
q comet on the professors lens.
The tiger does not naturally possess.
but easily acquires q love Of human
flesh. When he has once tasted It the
spell Of mans supremacy is broken
A Nihilistic fend in human form is
trying to induce American moving
machines into Russia in hopes that the
Gar viii try one to see how it works
A Boston clothing firm as an adver-
tisement sents up balloons six feet high,
and offers suits Of clothes to any boys
who viii capture and return the balloons
Water often gets so bad that people
think themselves compelled TO drink
beer, but no one ever heard Of beer get
ting so bad that everybody took to wa
ter Strangel
Reader-For ''loss Of Appetite there
is nothing so efficacious as q cheap
boarding house. None genuine without
the words ''God Bless Our Home" hung
on the walls.
When Ingersou reads Of the doings
chrOnicled daily in Chicago papers, he
probably murmurs to himself, There's
no such plaee-but there ought to be. -
Philadelphia NsigS.
A fashionable married couple. whose
drawing room is adorned with s hand
some motto There's No Place Like
Home, have Just started on a trip TO
Europe, to be absent about one year
Whenever you see a woman talking
straight at a man, and beginning to nod
her head and keep time to is with her
unpraised index finger, it is about time
for somebody to climb a tree.-Stslt-
belUjLLe HsrGid.
In Chicago the police are ordered to
bounce the 'masher' who haunts the
streets promenaded by women. The
authorities are determined that the
police shall have no such competition. -
Philadelphia NsJga
At q recent prize fight It was pat to q
vote whether the battl0 should proceed,
OF be deferred one week The ayes had
it-and about fifteen minutes later both
the ayes and the noes chad it"-and
pretty badly, too
Art in Boston-SOme men have hard
luck. A Boston artist painted q picture
Of a bullfrOg having 8 spasm in 3 pot Of
red paint, and the critics pronounced it
a fine copy Of Turner's great painting,
''The Slave Ship. ."-B0St0R Post
A country debating society has Just
decided that the quickest way for a
young man to get his portrait in q lead
ing illustrated paper is to Join Profes-
sional base ball club Living life Of use
fulness seldom accomplishes the same
result.
A boy always shows q military
promptness of action when there is 3
drum Of figs in the pantry. Mining
stocks were not invented in BanquO's
time, although, he said, 1.-The earth had
bubbles as the waters hath. ''-B0stOB
Courier.