Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-06-18
WIT AND WISDOM.

14Oh LII yOu AhA JOoA
Johnny?" "in apple-pie order"
"How's that?" "Crusty."
THE Louisville Courier-Journdl says
that you never can get Chicago man
be polite. He is always Ill. bred.
IT IS not on his own account that LIE
Duc grieves. He is anxious to know
what this country will do for tea.
WHEN woman's ruby lips unclose,
Harsh syllabes to utter,
'Tis like blemish on a rose,
Or tangled hair in butter.
The papers are all talking about Bos-
toms having the Worlds Fair in 1882.
Bless you, Boston has always had the
cream of the worlds fair.
SOME people make great fuss about
the smallest thing and then excuse
themselves on the ground that the less
a man makes fuss about the better.
A LOUISVILLE advertisement runs
"Ice cream, 81. % per gal. That may be
the general average out there but the
| young men of Chicago couldn't stand it:
"MR. SMITH, father would like to
borrow your paper; he only wants to
read it.. "Well, go back and tell your
father to send me his supper. Tell him
1 only want to eat it.
SCIENCE is exceedingly boastful, and
is not satisfied until it has pulled all the
old plants up by the roots, forgetting to
SOW any new seed. This kind of culture
Is haughty-culture.
A YANKEE woman recently married
Chinese laundryman, and in three days
thereafter the unhappy Celestial ap-
peared at BARRIERS shop and ordered
his pigtail to be cut off, saying. in ex-
planation "Too muchee yank.
WHENEVER preacher sees young
man and woman powerfully devoted to
each other, he forthwith begins to think
in his mind of some nice little present
he can buy his wife with sthe wedding
fee.
TOMMY went fishing the other day
without permission of his mother.
Next morning a neighbor's son met
him, and asked ''Did you catch any
thing yesterday, Tommy" ?" "Not till
I got home," was the rather sad re-
sponse.
IT is not so much the party that he
gave the night before for which Brown
feels proud as it is the way in which he
carries the empty two-quart ice cream
freezer from his wagon to the train
while he is on his way back to the
city.
THE remains of William Penn are to
be brought to this country from Eng
land and inferred near Philadelphia.
Mr.. Penn will be remembered as the
gentleman who traded some Indians Q
six -bladed jack-knife for the State OF
Pennsylvania.
''IT was late last night when you retireds
''Yes, papa" l said with yawn
Behind my fan. 'for the horrid man
He Just talked on and on.
The more hinted the more he stayed
/ knew you were wakeful, too,
And told him so, but he would not go
And what could poor girl do?"
WHEN we read in a rural paper that
some orator was received with an ova-
ton on rising to speak," there is room
for doubt whether he was greeted with
applause or with a f1silade of eggs.
Ovation is word of Latin origin, and
ova is the Latin for eggs.
A BEAUTIFUL and touching sight re-
Gently occurred in Cincinnati. While o
prominent belle was at the circus an
elephant stepped upon her foot, and re-
mained there until the young lady was
apprised of its presence by companion,
and had it driven away.-ChicagO Trio
une.
"YoU can't both eat your cake and
have it."-Ancient PrOUerb. No Well,
then, how are you going to eat your
cake if you don't have it? It's mighty
good thing for the reputation of the peo-
pie who built these proverbs that they
are dead and can't be stumped by tough
questions. .-Hdrtford Times.
A LITTLE boy was heard to say -
"Two policemen Can stand talking and
chewing in the middle of a sidewalk
while ladies go round them, and they
amt loafers because they've got sill
yer tombstone ON their coats which
says that they have got a right to stand
in the middle of the sidewalk and make
ladies go round them"
THERE is a good deal of true nobility
in children after all. go" had acci-
dentally pounded a new bump on the
head of ''Bert" with a baseball bat.
"1ll tell you what, Bert" said he,
"Tm going to have a show in my wood
shed Saturday, and you can come in
free. The other fellers will have to pay
three pins" You've no idea how that
reduced the swelling.
SCIENTIFIC "Dovey," he said, ct
think I was telling you after / came
home last night about the necessity of
some retrenchment in our expenditures,
was 1 not 2" ''Well, really, I've forgot
ten, john" she answered, nonchalant-
ly; "turn on the phonograph and see.".
He turned it on, and all it said was:
"Whazzer mazzer = Chic) - mazzer?
WhaZzer mazzer ?"
Nor at all eccentric Mr.. Prim went
fishing, and on his return told some
most terrific lies about what he caught.
Said Sharp to him: "What do you
want to tell such cussed yarns as that
for? Tell something possible, if not
probable. Don't you know that every
body saw that you were lying?" eyes,"
answered Prim. ''Then, what the
blazes did you do it for ?" "Why, /
wanted them to know was lying. I
didn't want them to think 1 was eceen-
trio"
STRAWBERRIES, RIPE sTRAwBERRIEsw
Strawberries Ripe strawberries"