Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-09-10
II CHIT CHAT
On Moral and Miscellaneous
Matters.

Matters.
cuIled for Saturdays Register.
Why is it that what a man wants to
do is apt to be wrong and that what be
ought to do is apt to be disagreeableP
The sweetest thing in life is to dream
that you have nothing in the world to
do except to do nothing, but the hard.
est work in life is to be able to do it well
and gracefully.
Cotton tells US what once in a while
applies to the matrimonial speculations
of modern times, that Marriage is 9
banquet where the grace is sometimes
better than the feast"
1t is very fortunate that men can bear
the remembrance Of their past sins,
especially il they are in any way con.
nected with the financial success, with
perfect eQuanimity. II we should be
come respondent over our shrewd
practices there would not be physicians
enough left to give US medicine.
After what quaint old Fuller has said
such q thing as the Burdstte-C outts
Bartlett marriage ought to be impossible.
The startling utterance to which We re-
fer is as follows: "rhey that marry an
cient people merely in expectation to
bury them, hang themselves in hope
that some n will come and cut the
halter"
The profoundest happiness comes
from the. conviction that you are a very
remarkable man; and the most poignant
misery comes from the consciousness
that other people do not agree with you.
The gentlemen who have given US a
new version have not helped matters a
particle. II they would only hunt
around and find a codex in which the
Lords Prayer would read, "::orgiye US
our debts, and help US to collect what Is
owed to u.s." they would make a very
decided epoch in the progress OF man
kind and put that prayer into such a
shape that most men could say 1t.
A gentleman, the victim Of tobacco,
tried in vain to break himself of the
habit. He resolved again and again
that he would be tree from so entangling
an alliance, but his resolutions ended as
his cigars had so often done-in smoke.
Love never led him so completely cap
tive as the rare Havana. At last he de-
termined to resort to medical expedients.
He was told that morphine was an Ell
fectual cure. He took a dose, and that
man will never smoke another cigar.
His funeral was we'll attended.
One ought to be careful how he asks
questions OF an absent minded man.
Father" said a student OF natural
philosophy to his bespectacled pareHt,
who was deep in the mysteries OF OAR
win, (which do you think more de-
structive in a flower garden, birds or
worms?" The old gentleman looked
over his spectacles Tor a moment IN
meditation mild, and then replied, My
son, it is difficult to determine, at least
from experience. The former l know
nothing about and the latter | haven't
had since early childhood"
Sometimes a man is funny at his own
expense. There are criminals, for in
stance, who have been "sent up" so
frequently that the judges sentence to
a few months Of abridged liberty and
punctuality at meals as we'll as at work
does not even make them change color.
They are so accustomed to taking what
does not belong to them that when bust
ness is dull they slyly steal ten cents
out of one OF their own pockets and slip
it into another just for the sake OF the
sensation. "Hyhy did you steal that
watch?" asked a benign judge OF a
prisoner. simply because 1 felt a little
unwell," was the reply, land the doctor
told me to take something" "Ah, but
why did you take a watch?' persisted
the man OF law and order. Without
changing a muscle the thief answered,
Because l thought, Your Honor, that
if | only had time / should feel better"