The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-08-05
The SkidmNre Butter,

1hN DhihHlUIN buittls
The aflable and gentlemanly proprie-
tor of one of our leading hotels had Just
finished his first forty winks after retir-
ing the other night, when he was con-
scious of a slight noise under the
bed.
"Como out of that or I'll blow you
full of Sutro tunnels !" he shouted, as
he sat up in bed and cooked his re-
volver
'Hold hard I'm coming!' said the
concealed party scrambling from under
the bed. 1t was too dark to see clearly,
but the hotelkeeper could perceive a
shadowy form arise and lean affably
over the footboard.
what the blanknation are you doing
there" roared the incensed steak
stretcher.
"Now, keep cool-take it easy-don't
get excited" said the intruder, blandly.
"Ifs all your fault"
"What the blazes do you mean %
"Why, I've been trying-my name is
Sliggs, agent for Slushington & Slazy,
Philadelphia-Pve been trying to see
you for two weeks. Wanted to show
you a patented article of the greatest
value to your business"
Don't want to see any agents-but
what the devil do you mean by
Il was just going to explain" inter
rupted the cheeky customer, 81 deter
mined to see you at any risk, so I just
hid under the bed. You see, l wanted
to get at you when you had nothing to
bother you. Plenty of time to talk, you
understand"
''Well, of all the gall |"
81 won't detain you minute" has
tily continuedthe agent. 81 am trying
to introduce patented article of butter,
and"
"We've arranged for all the oleomar
garine we want" growIed' the hash
server.
"But this is another article entirely
1t is composition of semi-liquid rub
Der, colored and manipulated so as to
exactly resemble the best clover-fed
butter. BY its use the boarder of the
period can be brought so as not to eat
any butter at ALL"
Don't believe it" said the dyspepsia
aggravator, incredulously.
"But it's fact all the same" went on
the agent, sitting on the footboard and
lighting cigarette. "You see, the
guest puts his knife into the butter, and
proceeds to butter his bread. That is
he thinks he does, but the rubber
merely yields to the pressure of the
knife. Instead of the portion being re-
moved it really slides back to the orig
inal roll as he withdraws his knife,
The boarder imagines he has spread
the bread however, and eats it content
edly. You know how much imagina-
ton has to do with these things, any
way"
"Big money saved if the thing really
worked, mused the landlord,
"But it does work." persisted Mr..
Sliggs "there are twenty-six restau-
rants and four large hotels using it in
Chicago Big success, too. Doesn't
give the bread that peculiar-ahem =
peculiar wheel-greasy flavor of regular
hotel butter. Besides, there are no
hairs and things. If it wasn't so dark
I'd show You a sample that has been in
use over eight months. All you have
to do is to freshen it up with little
water and a wooden die once n month,
and there you are"
'Ill think over it, said the great
American "extra" charger, thought
fully.
"Do So and I'll see you in the morn
ing" and after tucking the covers
around the landlords feet and bidding
him q CHEEKY goodnight, the butter
agent unlocked the door and slid out.
Instead Of inspecting the new boon
to tavern keepers the next morning,
however, the hotel man put in time
writing an advertisement for the papers
to the effect that if the sneak thief who
stole four seal rings, q set of diamond
studs, six scarf pins, pair sleeve but.
tons, gold watch and S52 in coin from O
room in the hotel, would return the
jewelry, he could keep the money and
no questions asked.-,Sm PydnciSct
Post.
II husbands are out late OF nights
about this time, their wives wiH, O.
course, understand that they have beer
taking observations ofthe comet through
glass.
( New York editors arc learnedly dis
: cussing jim-iams. Boston Post. Ant
they know.whaI they're talking about
90.