The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1881-06-24
VARIETIES.


1t is natural TO avoid Il clock when it is
about TO strike one.
An egg resembles horse in this respect
1T isn't worth cent until it's broke.
-Colorcd bellies refuse to wear bangs
They say you can't pull the wool over their
eyes.
Laws like sausagcs, would fail TO inspire
respect if all people knew how they were
made.
The bee can deliver singing rctort and
yet keep its mouth shut. This is where it
has the advantage ofthe campaign orator.
"A jolly Irishman, being asked by a
Frcnchman how he could dance so lightly in
brogans, REPLIED "They have Cork solcs'
Careful housewife 0iftng shoe from
the soup turcen)-"La! who'd a thought
baby's shoe would turn up in the soup! But
l knew it wasn't lost. | never lose any
thing"
--"Anything new or fresh this morning"
a reporter asked in a railroad office. Yes"
| replied the lone occupant of the apartment
"What is it?" quered the reporter, whip
ping out his note book Said the railroad
man, elging his way toward the door, "That
paint you are leaning against" The railroad
man is now in the hospital and the reporter
is i'll Jail.
-Foote was talking away one evening ut
the dinncr-tablc of a man of rank when at
the point of one his best stories, one of the
party interrupted him suddenly, with an air
of most considerate apology 81 beg your
pardon, Mr.. Foote, but your handkerchief is
half out of your, pocket" THANK you, sir"
said Mr.. Footc replacing it"you know the
company better than do and finished his
joke.
q writ poem once for the editor of
our home paper" Did you save n copy of
the poem?" mo, writ it for our home pa
per and sent it to the editor" "Yes, but did
you save copy of the paper it was published
in| "Noo.o; yer see the editor said it was
crowded out by Il press of advertising, and
he's had such laundering run ofadvcrlising
for the last twenty years that he amt had II
chance 10 print ityct."
q wsh," soliloquizeda Marathon youth
"that | was great inventor. | would like
to see my name beside that of Edison, or
Morse, Or Howe, ON the scols /of fame and
genius. oh, how long to get up something,
His solloquy was broken off by the appear
ance ON the scene of an open faced bulldog
and he Immediately did get up something
He got up a tree about as fast as the attraC-
ton of gravity would let him.
THE DEACON AND THE TRAMP.--The fol-
lowing incident was related by Farmer Allen
of Wakefield, at the recent meeting of the
Wobun conference;
On Sunday morning, while IA certain deacon
was preparing for church, wandering way
| fnrer, or, in modern parlance, a tramp, ap-
pcarcd at his door, pleaded his hunger and
begged for something to eat The deacon
looked solemn and irowningly, but rcluct
antly got loaf of bread and began to cut it !;
but, while doing so, took occasion to adj
monish the beggar concerning the error of
| his ways. After reminding him that i; was
| the holy Sabbath which he was Decorating,
| he asked him ifhe knew how to pray. No"
was the reply. Then said the deacon "Tll
learn you" and he commenced to repeat the
| Lords Prayer,
But Just as he uttered the words, "Our
Father the beggar interrupted him with the
question, "What, is Hcyour father and mine,
| too?"
Yes" the deacon replied.
"Why," exclaimed the beggar, Eve are
brothers, then, amt VIC? Can't you cut that
| slice a little thicker?"