The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1881-02-25
For Tie -HgiS and Intelligence,
Life In Western Kansas.

If Maryland people will become restless
| and dissatisfied with their surroundings, de.
termnc to leave home, abandoning the ira
dltlons and associations of childhood, hoping
to make some slight improvement in their
present condition, | would advise them in
good feeling not to take Horace Greeley's'
advice but TO go "any whcre-any where" on
this beautiful earth, but don't settle in or
near Northwestern Kansas West of To-
pcka there is no place where men of refine
ment and culture can pitch their tents
Their lights are more than hidden--they are
completely eXtinguished.
Kansas Is emocratic--intcnsely Demo-
cratic, in every sense save politics All
drink from the same ladle and ride in the
same prairie schooner" No reserved seats
nothing satin-lined-tirst come first served
Don't draw up your nose or apply your hand.
kerclief, because your neighbor wears over
ais and smells awfully of onions, bad tobac-
co and corn whisky. Be charitable Put up
with the Inconvenience The poor creature
has no other comforts. You will be reward
cd for your forbearance Call every body by
some pet name. Billy" is the favorite Re
member that no specified man or woman is
III any manner superior 10 any other man or
woman-all are equal The Declaration of
independence SO declares. The Declaration
must be right.
y gentleman told he that on one occasion
his wife had been invited out to dine-spe-
cial invitation-and was seated next at table
to her cook. Now, cooks are most excel.
lent creatures in their places | admire them
tremendously, hut who likes the odor of the
kitchen when dallying with IL salad or co.
quoting with "Cliquot." AT II ball she was
handed to supper by the former man of all
work. Her maid was her Tis.0-ris in the
dance and the gentlemens barber" whis-
pered soft nonsense, gentle nothings, while
adjusting her wraps. This was disagreeable
No mere mortal delights in having love made
his wife, under his very nose not even when
men who are intimate with him are the par
ties engaged in the sport-but to have the
manipulation of chins in the role of fine gen
eman-Ugh! Br--
Most of the people in West Kansas are not
respecters of persons, They can't or won't
understand the nice distinctions which of ne
cessity must be made in the polite applica-
tion of words, Callers at your house before
leaving ask most lovingly How is your
man? y Or if one is met on the street by "a
somebody" who thinks he has some sort of
interest in your welfare, and the wife of your
bosom has just recovered from headache, the
salutation is How are you, old Buck? How
is your woman Who likes being called
old? And "Old Buck" is an abomination.
West Kansas vernacular is proiific-very.
If you fail at the moment in securing the
precise word you wish to use, manufacture
tits all right Few will know you are
making language. It's the paradise of ignor-
anCc fyou have occasion to quote Cicero,
Livy, Virgil, Horace, or even Latin grammar
for the benefit ofthese benighted hcathens,
be sure that you use no word with dam"
about it, or the great unwashed will take it
that you use "Choctaw" to cover the insult
you fear to put into plain Kansas English
Yes, sir; these people are nice lot-an
exceedingly nice lot so natural, so unaffected;
so sweet in their rural simplicity so refresh
ing to meet in n crowd but not so nice
on the lonely prairie-your Winchester
home; your Smith g. Wesson" out of re-
pair
Good people, if you have any intention of
becoming asinine, and leave Maryland, cs-
pccially Hartford county, for any point in
Western Kansas, have some friend shoot you
through the head. Your souls happiness in
the great city prepared for the wicked will
be much greater than your bodily enjoyment
in bleeding droughty Kansas s.