The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-07-09
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

fowl spit-The tobacco chewers.
The carpenter likes 1t; so does the editor
Good ad'ze.
A civil engineer-One who gives a tramp q
free ride In his caboose.
He who filings his pills away will live to die
another day.
The ladder of fame at Albany seems to be a
Woodin ladder.
The Cleveland Leader thinks that America has
not enough navy to back Ter.
Everybody should take newspaper-but no:
from other folks doorsteps.
The Boston Globe tells Of a New Yorker who
had 80 big mouth that the last time he gaped
he lost his balance and fell IN.
The world didn't come to an end, it's true; but
you must admit that Mr.. Conkling resigned
Mother ShiDton.
The worlds idea of religion Is explained by the
adage "Be good and you'll be happy; bu, you
won't have good time"
The man who was "waitlng for something to
turn up" was rewarded when he stepped on the
edge of a barrel hoop.
Philadelphia alone has bought half million
copies of the Revised Bible No city needs it
more. Give the Gas trust few copies
Most Of the English papers announced the
death of Mr.. Thomas Ascot CA. Scott President
OF the Pennsylvania Railroad Company. Such
is fame.
The legislative session of 1851 at Albany will
be known in history as the Session Of S's-Sena.
tnrnh tnS re
World.
Norristown HeraM: "There are two possible
things greatly dreaded by New Workers just now.
One is a beer famine, and we have forgotten the
other"
There is little concord among the Republicans
at Albany, but good deal Of Albany among the
Republicans at Concord Boston T,u,eiIer.
The man who is anxious for something to turn
up can be accommodated by putting glass Of
water under u toper's nose.--BoSton Post
The San Francisco Stock Exchange voted TO
take recess from July to the 9Th. 1t is said
10 have been the most elaborate drunk on
record.
1t has recently been discovered that the names
Of several Of the most noted lakes IN Maine were
secured by chopping one Of ex-Secretary Eyarts'
sentences into GrewoOd lengths.
London Punch: "Brown (Philistine)-I heard
il was all 'of" between you and Miss Rowshett'
Wobbinson (psthcte)-'Ya.as Incompatibilty
OF complexion she don't suit my furnitcharp"
The latest excmpllfcatlon of the party of great
moral ideas ia Woodin and Hustled at Albany
posing on A step ladder, watching ''smal i'm
moral practices" through transom
We appreciate the kindness Of heart Of the
friend who presented us with 5000 st. Bernard
dog which we are boarding at 81 per week, but
condemn his Judgment BOst0n Post
A Brooklyn clergyman has presented his chill
dren's pet dog with dinner service Of green
majoca. 1t is curious that in n large city like
Brooklyn there is no institution for feebe.mind-
cd people.
The shades of night were falling fast
AS through hotel lobby passed
youth who step-ladder bore
Up to the transom OF a door
One-thirteen
When hen sits on an empty China egg you
call it blind instinct What do you call 1t when
q girl sets her affections on an empty headed
noodle ?-Boston Transcript.
raging bull dispersed Mendoza picnic party
at Troy Grove last week. The Reporter thinks
that pair of cardinal hose under walking
dress is what did the business.
The publication of weather probabilities has
its advantages. The man who reads borrowed
newspaper in the morning finds out when he
should borrow an umbrella -PicdyUte.
Conkling, 1t is said, is about to start third
party. sprague started II third party from his
ago He did 1t with shotgun.
When Gov Cornell, OF New York, on Saturday
transmitted to the New York legislature his veto
OF bill forbidding the testimony of spies and
informers to be taken, he evoked a broad smile
by stating that he had no reference to stepladder
peeps over a transom.
Mr. Griph was told to take a strong glass to
rec the eclipse. He did SO; clear whisky. And
his subsequent proceedings were so irreverent |
that he came near causing the eclipse to be put
Oti.--BOstOH Post.
Mean folks In this world! There are! A South
end father asked his son II he felt too tired or
Jane 10 90 to Barnum's circus, and when the boy |
said ''no' told hun to 20 and bring up hod OF
coal, and the boy couldn't say he wasn't able
Boston Post.
French cook, who lately returned to Paris
from tour Of inspection in the United States,
was asked his opinion in regard to the American
kitchen, and replied: LA cuisine Americana est
un vrai assassinat" American cookery is muir
der in the first degree.
The following poemlet is excellent Of its kind
From OFF the running rivulct the icy chain is
thawed,
And the nutter of the winglet Of the dovelet is
abroad;
The quacklet Of the ducklet in the brooke. we
can hear,
And the rootlet Of the piglet will presently ap.
pear" Teas Sittings.
Astronomers do not know whether IL is an old
comet or a new comet, one comet or two comets
but these matters of little consequence.
What the people really want to know is whether
period Of Fearful lights that never glimmer
save when kings and heroes die" is good time
tn nnt Inn In