davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31
Tit for Tat.

In the reign of Charles II. it was GUS
tomary, when q gentleman drank lady's
health, to throw some article of dress
into the flames in her honor, and all his
companions were obliged to sacrifice a
similar article, whatever it might be.
One of Sir Charles Sedley's friends, per-
ceiving that he wore a very rich lace cra-
vat, drank to the health of a certain
lady, and threw his own cravat into the
fire. Sir Charles followed the example
very good-naturedly, but said he would
have his joke in return. Afterward,
when he dined with the same party, he
filed bumper to some reigning beauty,
and called on dentist to extract de-
cayed tooth which had long panied him.
Etiquette demanded that every one of the
party should have tooth extracted and
thrown into the fire; to which they all
yielded, after many murmurs about the
cruelty of the thing
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31
A CuriOus Client.

A Brooklyn newspaper man received
a note from law firm, Smith, Jones &
Smith, notifying him that q claim against
him for several dollars had been placed
in their hands for collection, and in
structing him that he could save him
self some trouble if he'd come around
and talk the matter over. The Journal
ist was perfectly prepared to converse
on the subject, but disinclined to pay,
so he dropped in on Smith, Jones &
Smith, and notified them that he had
some business for them.
"There's man in this town threatens
to sue me-" said he, "and I'm prepared
to spend any amount to beat him. Can
you undertake to carry me through? ?"
Certainly calculated Smith, Jones
& Smith, to whom the newspaper man
was a stranger.
"What want to do is to bother him, !"
observed the client. "Can I bother
him, whether I owe him or not?"
"Well, we should smile remarked
Smith, Jones & Smith. "It'n take him
twenty years, if we work the case"
"You are strangers to me, gentlemen" :"
said the client, "thcugh I hear you
highly spoken Of Now, suppose he
should sue me, how would you go to
work ?"
"First, we should stave off the an
swer. Then we would take lot of
depositions de be,1e esse. Just before
the trial we would issue commission to
examine witnesses in Siberia; other
witnesses would be taken; we would
have such engagements that we would
stave the trial off, and if he got a judg-
ment we would appeal. Yes, sir, he'd
use up twenty years getting the money. u
"But what would the lawyers on the
other side be up to all this time? Tn
told they're pretty smart fellows"
"Don't care. Who are they?"
81 don't remember their names, but ]
have got their letter. Herei whats
this? By Jove, gentlemen, they're
Smith, Jones & Smith F."
The partners looked aghast.
81 hope that nothing I've said will be
used against me-" "said the client, look.
ing from one to the other. 81 trust
gentlemen, that you won't give me
away in this matter. It's an awful blum
der on my part, but 1 sincerely hops
you won't take any advantage of it.
Smith, Jones & Smith held a brie
consultation.
cam I in much peril9" asked th'
client anxiously.
"We think not, said Smith, Jones {
Smith. "We are-eh-are-wea are pre-
pared to drop the proceedings. W.
won't mention it, if you won't. )"
"Il agree not to mention any name,
replied the client, with grin, can,
I'll promise You my business in tn
future"
There was some further conversation
at an adjacent hotel, and, gentle reader
the only trouble is their names were no
Smith, Jones & Smith.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31
To An OLD COAT.

Poor coat, vel loved for many reasons,
Since both Of us grov old, be true:
This hand has brushed you for ten seasons
Zen bocrAtes no more could do.
Whilst Time your thin and vhite-seamcd stun
Keeps on attacking without end,
Wisely, like me, his blows rebuff;
And never Let US part, old friend
That birthday howp, when nrst I wore you,
i mind veil-memory yet n strong
Ny friends around 10 honor bore you,
And poured their welcome forth In song.
Your shabby plight-of which I'm vain
Hindey them not an arm 70 lend,
They'd freely feast us nov again;
So never let us part, old friend.
You're patched behind, an ancient rending;
That, too, recalls . past delight;
One night 20 run from Jane pretending,
felt her soft hand clutch me tight
II took my Jane two days 10 mend,
while was held her captive there;
So never let us part, old friend.
Have you been stseped In musk aud amber,
which fops snif. looking In the glass?
Or pushed along an ante-chambcr,
For swells 70 sneer at - We Pass1
Throughout ali France BY faction rent,
Ribbons and stars fall strife can send
A held-hower II your ornamenf;
So never let US part. old friend
Fear no more days Of Idle ranging.
When our two fates become 80 one,
Of intermingled rain and sun.
For the last time I soon snail doff
MJ clothes, Just waiti and we viii wend
Together, gently going OF;
50 never let us part, old friend.
FROM Berdnoer.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31
The Square Man.

The square man mezzures the same
each way, and haint got no winny edges
nor shaky lumber in him. He is free
from knots and sap, and won't warp.
He is klear stuff, and don't care what
yu work him up into, he won't swell and
he won't shrink. He IL amongst men
what good xii dried boards are among
carpenters, he won't season krack. It
don't make any difference which side Nv
him yu cum up to, he is the same big
ness each way, and the only way tew
get at him, emmy how, IL to face him.
He knows he liz square, and never
spends emmy time trieing to prove it.
The square man is one of the best
shaped men the world has ever produced.
He IL one of them kind ov chunks that
kant alter tew fit spot, but you must
alter the spot to fit him.-JoshB Billings.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31
EXCHANGE EXPRESSIONS.

The Boston Herald observes that the
man who digs one hundred feet into the
ground for water gets along well.
MATTER from st. Louis papers, repub-
Eshed in the papers of Chicago, is al
ways credited to ''country exchanges. y
N. o. Picaynae.
A FEMALE spider eats her husbands.
If Mormon women lived on husbands,
there never would be enough left to
warm up in nhash.-Binghanaton Repub-
icdn.
"LorrA is an old maid" says the At
lanta Constitution bravely. True; but
she is the sauciest, iveliest, kickingest
old maid in the business.-N. Y Com
nercidL advertiser.
An actor will tell you that it doesn't
hurt to let yourself fall on the floor, but
if you try it you will get up deeply i'm
pressed with the belief that the actor is a
liar. Try it. Boston Post
THE Hartford Courant has come to
the conclusion that the button makers
who allow but two tiny holes for the
| thread are Justly accountable for the
length of our divorce docket.
WHEN sharp man wants to get a job
| on st. Louis paper, he tells the pro-
! prietors he can say more mean things
about Chicago than any other living man.
And they always give him chance
Boston Post.
If the wedding boom keeps up in Al
bany, the Press fears there won't be old
maids enough in the neighborhood to
sew for destitute children in Africa Oh
| get up donation parties for bachelor
ministers.
They teach gardening in the schools
of japan. If they can teach small boy
to go willingly into a garden and weed
the sooner we can get the Japanese sys.
tenn of education into our schools the
better.-DetroH Free Press.
The two classes Of persons most apt t.
visit editors are those who want thei
names put in the paper and those wh'
want them left out; and others who bring
taffy for themselves and gall for thei
neighbors. Orleans Picayune.
The high prices of living are just nov
sore prevention to marrying. The in
dustrious young man is not always borl
with ten thousand a year. Will ou
young ladies please make note of this
Cincinnati Enquirer.
The Elmira Advertiser says: "W
can not help thinking that if G. Wash
ington had lied little-just ittle-h
would have lived longer and enjoye
better health" The Advertiser evident
ly understands this question thoroughly
The most eminent liars in the countr
are generally healthy, well fed men.
ENGLISH papers announce that hi
royal highness the Duke of Cambridg
has invented a new whistle. It is sue
things as this that demonstrate the at
vantages of monarchies over mere RI
publics, and we mention the dukes bri
liant achievement reluctantly, because
is SO likely to move our people to env
! and disquiet. Utica Herald.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31
Funny.

Prentice Mulford, in the San Fran
cisco Chronicle. relates the following in
his experience of comical and provoking
annoyances as a public speaker. He
says: "None can realize until they enter
the lecture-feld what trivial occurrences
may transpire to upset the unfortunate
man on the platform, and divert and dis
tract from him the attention of an au-
dience.
''On one occasion a cat got into the
church where I was speaking, and
trotted up and down course she had
laid out for herself before the pulpit.
She did this with an erect tail, and at
times made short remarks.
''It is singular that a single cat acting
in this manner is more effective in inter
esting and amusing an intelligent audi
ence' than any speaker. Under such
conditions Cicero himself would have to
knock under to the cat. He might go
on talking, but the cat would capture the
house.
"And then the awful sensation of be-
ing obliged to keep on as though nothing
had disturbed you; to pretend you don't
see such cat; that you are not thinking
of it, and knowing all the while that your
audience are getting their moneys worth
out of the cat. and not out of you!'
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31
Like Mistress, Like Maid.

"Sir," says Ruskin, "there lis only
one way to have good servants-that is,
to be worthy of being well served. Ali
nature and all humanity will serve a
good master and rebel against an ignoble
one. And there is no surer test of the
quality of nation than the quality of its
servants, for they are their masters
shadows, and distort their faults in o
fattened mimicry. A wise nation will
have philosophers in its servants hall, 9
knavish nation will have knaves there,
and a kindly nation will have friends
there. Only let it be remembered that
kindness means, as with your child, 80
with your servant, not indulgence, but
care"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31

CHARLES NELSON, ESQ.,, Proprietor
Nelson House, speaking to us recently,
observed: 1 suffered so much with
Rheumatism that my arm withered, and
physicians could not help me. I was in
despair of my life, when some one adj
vised me to try st. Jacobs Oil. I did SO,
and as if by magic, I was instantly re-
ieved, and, by the continued use of the
Oil entirely cured. I thank heaven for
having used this wonderful remedy, for
it saved my life. 1t also cured my wife.
Port Huron Commercial.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31

WHEN about twelve years old said Mr..
Geisman, of the Globe Chop House to
our representative, met with an acci-
dent with horse, by which my skull
was fractured, and ever since have suf-
fered with the most excruciating rheuma-
tic pains. OF late I applied st. Jacobs
Oil, which has given me almost total re-
lief.-Fort Wayne (I1ad.) Sentinel.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31
Wicked for Clergymen.

81 believe it to be all wrong and even wicked
for clergymen or other public men to be led into
giving testimonials to quacb doctors or vile
stuffs called medicines, but when q really meri-
torious article is made up of common valuable
remedies known to ALL and that all physicians
use and trust in daily, we should freely COM
mend it. 1 therefore cheerfully and heartily
commend Hop Bitters for the good they have
done me and my friends, firmly believing they
have no equal for family use. will not be
without them" Rev. -, Washington. D. q.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31
THE MARKETS..

CINCINNATL-FLoUR- - Fancy, s. 25@5 rs;
Rye four, Sc 90. BuekMheat -four. 81 1895 % pc.
red 81 OS, 81 6s91 10, and 200 bushels choice red
and amber sold at landing for 81 II. CornINo.
z ,d mixed ed AZ N No 2 wsse 4se az
! O.; spring barley, s5@s5c: Hoss-Common. q 25g
1sass sso@o "a to i%o
50; oats straw, sio@1O 50. PoUITRY-ChicKens9
Common, 50 25@3 75 ducks IS 00@4 90; geese, 50 90
ga 80; turkeys, lie. for live and 13c. per pound
Lard. 1o14@1O.5Oc.
NEW Cotton-Middling uplands, 1890. /;
middling Orleans lie. Flour-Common to good ex
ira Western and State, "a 30@5 CO., good to choice,
do, s. 1896 IS; common to choice Ohio extra fam
lily, 81 So@6 Isl Minnesota patent process, ss 5o@
wnen rsd St 2s s Ne unssa
81 2Og1 2O15s Corn-Ungraded, 57s4 s4@6O1ac. No. /
e western, GrsS White WesseTs, 4s@4sc. GRO,
ceries-Cotfee-Rio, in cargoes, 1O@1sc. Sugar-FaiI
o g0sa 81 Ts1es so@Is 81 9s SIS sSs o. PUi
Prime steam, 1O.7Oc.
PHILADELPHIA.-Flou Minnesota extra FAM
80 sS Ss q 50
SIS OO@5 125a. Wheat-No. winter red, 81 II on
track and ST 10 in elevator. Corn Sail mixed. in
white, 46Isc. Mess Pork-Prime, $l6 OO@le Is
Hams-Smoked, 1O15911c. Lard - Prime steam,
1890; kettle-rendered, 107sc.
-Cotton-Dun at 1910. Flour
Extra, SO 25@3 so; extra family, So 7594 IS; A
No. l. 81 1895 90; choice fancy, SIS 1896 90. Wheat
is steady at 81 00@1 03. Corn-No. white, 4Sc.
No. 2, mixed, 47c 0ats-No. white, $3.50; No. 4
mixed, 3793712c. Rye-No. 2, 81 10. Hay S14 90
@16 so. Mess pork, SIS so. Lard, 1Oc. Live hogs
IS so to Sc 90.
BALTIMORE.-Flour-We Western superfine, s. 25@
4 90; Western extra, 81 25@5 90; Western family
as 25l6 25 Wheat-No. Western winter red
81 2O@1 201s Corn Western mixed, 56z@56ssc
144c. Rye-Good prime, 81 10. Mess Pork-Old
S15 90. and new, SIC 90. Hams-Sugar-cured, 11@j
12c. Lard-Refned in tierces, 11c
| NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. market is firm
| No. red, 81 0691 OF. Corn-Is steady at 4S@
4312c. Oats-New white, S4@36c.
/ LIVE STOCK.
| heavy shippers, SO 1896 40; fair to good packing
grades IS COOS 90; common light, 81 25g5 TO- CAT.
| TLE-Common, 81 25@3 90; fair to medium, IS 25@
90; good to choice butchers grades, "a 26(34 IS
common to fair shippers S4 2594 rs. SHKKp-Com
mon to fair, So 00@4 90, and good to choice, 81 60@
8 90.
| NEW YORK.-Dressed beef sides, s0915c. Sheer
| and Lambs-Common to choice extra sheep IS SOD
| rs per 100 lbs common to extra yearling lambs
| unshorn, Sc 50@7 so. Hogs-Common Western, live
| Sc 00096 30 per 100 lbs.
| INDIANAPOLIS.-Hogs-Y IS 70Q5 IS
common 10 fair mixed packing, SIS %005 70. Cattl,
| Common to prime shippers, "a 40@95 30; butchers
| IS 25@p4 S5. Sheep-Common to prime, "a 60ob 80
EAST LIBERTY, Pa Hoes - Philadelphias
% oo0e % per 100 !bsi best forkszs " sos TO-
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31
IL IL Worth n Trial.

81 was troubled for many years with Kidney
Complaint, Gravel, &c. my blood became thin;
was dull and inactive; could hardly crawl
about, and was an old, worn-out man all over,
and could get nothing to help me, until got
Hop Bitters, and now / am a boy again. Ny
blood and kidneys are all right, and am as
active as a man OF 80, although I am "a, and
have no doubt 1t will do as we'll for others of
my age. 1t IL worth the trial" (Father.)
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31

INDIGESTION, dyspepsia, nervous prostration
and all forms of general debility relieved by
taking MENsMAN's PEPToNIzED BEEF Tonic the
only preparation of beef containing its entire
nutritious properties. It contains blood-mak-
ing, 1orce.generanng and hfe-s1stalnlng prop
whether the result of exhaustion, nervous pros
tration, overwork, or acute disease, particularly
if resulting from pulmonary complaints, Cas-
well, Hazard & Co., proprietors. New York.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31

A "sTR1NaY," '.rattling' voice and con-
slant disposition to expectorate, indicate incipi-
ent throat trouble of dangerous tendency. Use
Dr. Bulls Cough Syrup in good time, and be
saved much trouble and annoyance. For sale
by all druggists,
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31

Something Almost Marvel GUS
is the steadily increasing power and popularity
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31

MISS SOPRANO (who has just finished
playing "Did I drop any notes, Su-
san?" Her cousin (from the rural dis
tricts) "No, not as I knows on but I'll
look under the pianny an see."
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31

UNLY the genuine axle grease has the name
Of Frazer on every package, and wears Longer
than any other
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31
Prepared only by yP0ND'S EXTRACT CO,

For sale by all Druggists and Fancy Goods Dealers.
Orders for So WORTH carriage free, receipt Of e225
Orders s5worth, carriage Free recspt Of S I'D.
dressed to Is Murray Street. New York.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-31

eU.
corners spiders crept; they built their
bridges through the air, and no rude
broom disturbed them there. The rain,
that fell on roof decayed, dripped through
the chinks that time had made, and on
the whitewashed walls ran down in won
drous frescoes tinged with brown the
window-panes, with frost o'erspread,
were warmer than that icy bed. Cold
was the mating on the floor cold blew
the breeze beneath the door; cold were
the straightforward chairs of wood cold
was the oaken stand that stood on spind-
ling legs that looked as chill as lone, bare
pines ON some bleak hill high rose that
bed DER things below, like some tall ice
berg capped with snow. Here every
highly honored guest, when bedtime
came, retired to "rest"
Within its large and moldy press hung
Mrs. Busby's best silk dress; her Sunday
bonnet, shoes, and shawl, on rusty nails
against the wall, by Mr.. Busby's suit of
blue, that at his wedding had been new.
Here on a peg his best cravat reposed
within his old fur hat; here, shut from
sight of human eyes, were rows OF mlnce
and apple pies, with rolls of sausage and
head-cheese, stored on the shelves and
| leIL 10 freeze.
From out her cot the maiden crept,
slipped on her shoes and softly stepped
along the hall and through the gloom un.
til she reached the chilly room. Unseen
she crossed the icy floor, unheard un'
locked the closet door, snatched from
the shelf, in q firm hold, bag of saus
age, stiff and cold, then turning quickly
sought to beat sudden. safe. and 81 ,
retreat. Too latel A light cleaned OF
the wall, and sound of footsteps tille6
the hall, then to the room came boldly
on the stalwart form of Littleiohn! She
backward stepped and stood aghast
then closed the door and held it fast.
With chattering teeth and trembling
frame across the floor Lycurgus came
He placed the candle in his hand upor
the spindling oaken stand. Then CLOSED
the door, and, with frown, within /,
cold chair settled down. He threw hi
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1881-11-25

church. they're al % thankful. Isn't
II curious. map
"Yes. Lixzy. II Il curious!' said
Lizzy's mother. IN jerks between the
turns Of the wringer. for no news could
stop the washing; "but, You know by
your hymn-bo0k that God works - .
mysterious way. His wonders 70 per-
form And for my part, the older !
grow the less surprised 4 am 81 any
thing; and calculate this was reward
TO Madame for doing her duty accord
ing 70 her light making the widows
heart to sing for JOY and comforting the
orphans. Mary Kyle DALLAS
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1881-11-25
Our Young Readers.


Our Ollie went 10 his bed
with tears just back 81 biz eyes.
And pain. because. - Ms sister said.
He wa< -oyerly fond ~ pies
He dreamed the drcadfnllcst drcams-
A. dreadful a they could be:
For bl4. big piece ~ pin. 4 sccmA
ID bad. bad thing tor tea
He dreamed or q terrible snow
That fell from an inky sky.
And every fiakc thar the winds did hlJw
Was biz - y pumpkin pie
All IN heap twas laid.
While the rude winds laughed IN eiee.
But On. the deep deep drift that Il made
Was sad. sad thing 70 sce'
Then he thought the sum mer was dead.
And Winter would ALWAYS stay:
That an iceberg ledge was his only bed,
And eiacier his home BY day.
And the sun. too late be rose.
And he went 20 bed too soon.
And long long icicIc hung from the nos.
OF the cold. cold Man-ln-the-moon.
He turned 10 his sister: on.
How lonely and sal be felt
When he found she was made Of Ice an'
which 4 hug would be sure 70 melt:
Just think Of the dreams he had.
A. dreadful a. dreams could be-.
On. q big. big piece OF pie II bad
For small small boy ~ tes:
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1881-11-25

C.i~o Vonr hesf eVmnofhv. Thar =
~ c~c.5cr hnm.. rc~cr ek>n ~ fo9-
isrnes- n -omsr N Van csn minirf~r
~ snrce ore IN ~,ckrcs~ -. 4 ~ome-
hodv.e dissress ~ mt 4 6o~er "a eome
noor home svon h.re done \ thinc fhoe
xon viii .i.svs ~ Clnd n fhi1k ~.
Ycn .-;Ii - ~c..c.,h.ts5 IA : ~vome~
49, ~ ~r.nder monnmenf fhan "a liva
NJ hce~ts
Not iar rom ny nome was ne plan
cottage q ~ irlsnwo1.n ano net onIy
son--a brave Young ie'iow-eym8 q
consumption contracted ~ me WA:
One day, - my visit % nim' Carried
him some lovely roses, Inc next ums
went me mother SAID; ne never ~
the roses 80 out o. ms hand, miss ne
held 'em when ne died, and ne i.st AZ
ever SAID 80; Give my oIsss'n q
the young iaoy tor pnn&1n ne low
ers, And ne desolsfe mother cur-
RED them WIN MIN. 20 the most prec'oo.
thing ne possessed Inc blessing @
that poor irish youtn VIII % pieasAns
memory.
Be gentle. Stren2thof character
sweetness Of disposition are - nowlse
Incompatible Doubtless. the most win
some nature on earth i that which com
bines the naturalness and dependence
Of child with the strength q true
4 Ia.