Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1881-08-27
VARIETIES,

London has 80, 356 persons to the square
mile.
The New York Elevated runs l,75O
trains daily.
Protested notes-Those emanating from
your neighbours violin. Il Yonkers States
man.
1t is only natural that imbibing too much
corn juice should make the voice husky
Toronto Globe.
The latest development in the elevated
railroads is the proposition to propel the
cars by pneumatic force.
An attempt will be made at the next
session of Congress to secure the passage
OF a new bankruptcy law.
Passing around the hat is an old an ex-
cellent method at getting at the cents of a
meeting. -[New Orleans Picayune.
Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson Davis have sailed
from New Orleans for Liverpool. They are
going after their daughter, who is at school
in Europe.
We are told that mans body is three
fourths composed of water, but it is hard
to believe this while looking at Cincinnati
man Boston Post.
About 1000, 900, coo pins are made III
the United States every year, just about
enough to hold seven women's toilets in
position. Boston Transcript.
The Marquis of Lorne, Governor-General
of Canada, gives expression to his sympa-
thy for the President and the United States
not only in words, but by canceliug all So
cial engagements for week.
At graduates ball at West Point one
of the cadets innocently said to New
York lady: "Do you dance the lancers ?"
Why, 1 declare !" she exclaimed, "has
that thing got up here IN. Y. Mail.
Clergyman" No, my dear, it is impos-
sible to preach any kind of a sermon to
such a congregation Of asses" Smart
Young Lady" And is that why you call
them Dearly beloved brethren 2 "-[Col-
umbia Spectator.
1t doesn't seem good policy for church
to shine up lis collection plates to such
of the congregation to turn their heads
when it circulates in their vicinity
Yonkers Statesman.
First Freshman" Say, Bob thought
they wanted full attendance at that meet
fng last night ?" Second freshman" So
they did," First Freshman" Well, 1
tried to accommodate them and got put
out. -ICollege Journal
George Washington's Ratchet has been
found in the field where be threw it after
chopping the cherry tree, and where it has
been lying ever since. We thought it would
turn out that one of the parties to that
affair could lie.-[ Lowell Citizen.
Mean folks in this world There are a.!
A south end father asked his son ii he ielt
too tired or lame to go to Barnum's circus,
and when the boy said "no," told him to
60 and bring mp bod of coal. And the
boy couldn't say he wasn't able Boston
Post.
Pastor-'Yes, Mrs. Brown. Taking into
consideration the fact that the Smiths
hardly ever pay their pew rents, it is
strangely bad taste on their part to sing so
loudly and throw such JUNCTION into their
prayers" Mrs. Brown-"Q too terribly
shocking. y London Fun.
An Ottumwa, Ia, rowdy insulted a
young lady of that place. She stepped out
on the sidewalk and called the fellow to
her. As soon as he came within reach she
grabbed him by the collar with her left
hand and with her right opened on him and
gave MIN thorough thumbing
The fanciful stories OF human hair hav-
ing turned white in single night have
stimulated Colorado newspaper writer to
narrate thrilling story describing how
terror caused a flock of sixty-two black
sheep in that State to become perfectly
white between twilight and daylight.
In Des Moines the other day an unruly
steer scared a housewife nearly into fits by
jumping through kitchen window, kick
ing over stove, breaking down table,
upsetting pan of milk, and then rushing
into the dining-room, shattered a mirror
before it plunged out door into the street.
The will of the late George Armour, of
Chicago, covering property valued at 49,
500, 600, has been admitted to probate.
After making some gifts to nephews and
nieces. the deceased provided that the
bulk of his estate be kept together until
his oldest children reach the age of %
years.
President Garfeld's relatives in Ohio say
that, with the exception of an attack of
fever and ague years ago when a boy, and
occasional touches of dyspepsia in late
lGdis. HC ieho hSNCi bSCh III. LIS ndOIG
has always been to live on plain, substan.
tial food, and he has never INDUCED in
late suppers.
Artistic paraso.s have sprays of eglan-
tine, daisies, golden rod, struggling insects,
and sometimes birds painted as if falling,
or flying, au naturel, over the cores on the
outside, sometimes encroaching on the lace
border, or fringe, while the Innings show
shaded effects in full, delicate tints of blue,
green, rose, cream, pearl and pure white.
A curious coincidence is found in the
fact that the nurse who attended the Pres
ident at the time of his birth died about
the hour the assassin attempted his life.
Her name was Mrs. Stewart C. Gardner,
and she died at the residence of her son,
A. J. Gardner, in Mason township, near
Dowagiac, Mich, at the age of 81 years.
Irritated mamma" No, it does not fit
as if he had been born in tit doesn't fit
at all and / shall expect the money back. !"
Mr.. Moses But s'help me-" Irri-
tated mamma" Your advertisements say
Money returned if not approved. Mr..
Moses" So they do, ma tear, so they do
! but your money vas approved it vas very
/ e,oaE ,ooDaxr andn,, Fun