davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-01-07
The Calendar.

The Calendar.
From Sarum Black Letter Missal OF the Time
ol Henry IL. OF England "a. ID. 972-l024).
JAHUARIUs.
The nyrst six yeres OF names byrth and aege
May welle be compared to Janyuere,
Nor in this moneth lie no strength nor courag,
Moo than in chylde oil the aege Of six yere.
FEBRUARTUs.
The other six yeres is ike February,
In the ende thereof beguyneth the sprynge,
That time children is most apt and redy
To receive Enlargement, nurture and
lernynge.
March betokeneth the six yeres followynge,
Araying the erth with pleasant verdurei
That season youth thought Tor nothynge,
And without thought dooth his sporte and
pleasure,
APRMIs.
The next six yeres maketh ioure and twenty
And figured Is 10 Jolly Aprllli
That tyne of pleasures man hath most plenty
Fresche and longing his lustes to tulfyn.
AZ in the moneth OF Maye all things in mygth,
So at thirty yeres man is in chyei lyking,
Pleasant and lusty TO every names sygth,
Inbeaute ard strengthe to women pleasing
JUNIus.
In June all thyng falleth to rypenesse,
And SO dooth man at thirty-six yere old,
And studye,h for to acquire rychesse,
And taketh wyt to keepe his household.
JULIUS.
at forty yere Of aege or ellese never,
Ys ony man endowed with wysdom
For than forth his might iayleth ever,
AS in July doth every blossome.
AUGUSTUS.
The goddess OF the erthe is gadred evermore,
In August, 80 at forty eight yere,
Man ought 10 gather some goodies in store,
To susteyne aege that than draweth mere.
SEPTEMBER.
Let no man thyuke for to gather plentye,
VI at flty-loure he have nonei
No more than yf his barne were emptye,
Septembre when all his corne is gone.
OCTOBER.
BY Octobre betokeneth sixty yere,
That aege hastely dooth man assayle,
" he have ougth, than it dooth appere,
To 1--WE quyetely after his travayle.
NOVEMBER.
Wan man is at sixty-six yere olde,
Which lykened is to bareyne Novembre,
He waxeth unweldy, sekely and colde,
Than hys soule helth is tyne to remember.
DECEMBER,
Tho yere by Decembre taketh his ende,
And 80 dooth man Of threescore and twelvei
Nature wyth aege wyll hym on message sende,
Tho tyne is come that he must 60 himselve.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-01-07
Raising a Crop Of New Hair.

II was one Of the bylaws OF Heart
aches Heavenly Hair Raiser that 1t be
used literally before retiring, rubbing it
well into the scalp. Just before he went
TO bed that night the man bolted the
back door, put the cat in the wood
shedi came in whistling the Fatinitza"
waltz, danced up to the clock-shelf and
pouring out handful of what he sup
posed 10 be his fertilizer, he mopped it
all ever his scalp and stirred it well in
around the roots of she little hedge Of
hair at the back of his neck.
The glue bottle, by an unearthly coin
cidence, was nearly the same shape and
size ss the hairsap bottle.
He went to bed.
"George." said his wife, turning her
face to the wall, "that stuff you put on
your hair smells like a pan OF soap
grease"
perhaps l had better go upstairs
and Sleep" snarled George. you're
mighty sensitive! You wouldn't e1-
pect that man can put stuff on his
head that will max his hair grow and
make it smell like essence of winter.
green, would youp" They went to bed
mad as Turks.
This particular bald-headed man, like
a good many other bald-headed men,
had to get up and build the fires.
When he arose next morning the sun
peeped in at the window and saw the
pillow cling to the back of his head like
a great white chignon. At first he did
not realize his condition; he thought
1t must have caught on pin or shirt
button. 1t looked ridiculous, and he
would throw it back on the bed before
his wife saw it, SO he caught it quickly
by one end and "yanked."
"Oh! oh! What's been goin' on
here!" and be began to claw at his scalp
like a lunatic. His wife sprang up from
her couch and began to sob hystericallv.
"Oh, don't, George! What is itP
What's the matterP"
George was dancing about the room,
the pillow now dangling by q few hairs,
his scalp covered with something that
looked like sheet copper, while the air
was redolent of warlike expletives, as il
dictionary had exploded. With
woman's instinct the poor wife took in
the situation at glance, and explained
"It is the gluem
The bald headed man sat down in
chair and looked at her a moment in
contemptuous silence, and then uttered
the one expressive word:
"GlueW
Now began series of processes and
experiments, unheard of in the annals
of chemistry.
"Jane, you must soak it off with warm
water. I've got 10 go to Utica to-day"
@ can't George" she returned, in
guilty tone; it's waterproof"
eyes; might have known it; and l
s'pose it's tireproof, too, amt itP"
He scratched over the smooth plating
with his finger nails.
"It's hard as iron," he said.
"Yes-he said it was good glue" re-
piled she, innocently. Cant you skin
it off with your razor, Georgew
Don't be bigger fool than you are,
Jane. Get me that coarse file on the
woodshed."
1t may be imagined what followed,
and now rs the bald-headed man sits
in his Office, he never removes his hat,
for his entire skull is howling waste of
blistered desert, relieved here and there
by oases of black court plaster. .-SyrG-
CttSe Times.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-01-07
MY WIFE'S RELATIONS.

''Broiled chickens for tea, ehe" said l.
And lobster salad and fried oysters!
Upon my word, this looks rs If we were
going to have company"
$50 we are, my DEAR" said my wife,
looking little guilty, as she polished
I'D the surface Of the silver tea-tray with
chamois leather "They are all COM
ing to visit me-Uncle Silas and Aunt
Millicent, and the children, and Cousin
Joab, and the two Miss Wilmerdings,
and my Aunt Louisa, to meet the Rev.
Mr.. Sparkwell, from Minnesota, who
married my cousin, Jerusha Wild,
Mr.. Sparkwell is troubled with catarrh,
and he thinks of staying at our house for
few weeks while he is being treated
by DR.. Dosem."
put down my linen duster and paper
parcels with some emphasis.
"Oh, oonfound the Rev. Mr.. Spark
WELL" said /.
"Johnw CALCULATED my wife.
"Well, my dear, can't help it," said
l. "It's not human nature TO endure
everything. And I've been relationed
out of all patience ever since we were
married. The Jenkinses went away
last week, the Birdsalls took an affec.
tionate leave yesterday, and now, just
no was contemplating peaceful even
ing by ourselves, here's new swarm,
hungrier than the rest, just about to
settle down upon us. In my opinion,
Kitty, my dear, relations should be
abolished"
81 am surprised at you, j John, said
nv wife, my own people that are so
!ond of me-"
"That's where you are mistaken, my
dear" said. "It's your comfortable
spring beds and cookery that they are
fond of, not YOU"
"Johnp
"Td be willing to wager good round
sum on the truth OF my assertions, "said
l.
because you have no relations your
self"
THANK Providence for that" said !,
devoutly. al was reared in founding
asylum, and have nobody to thank but
myself for my tolerable success in the
world"
Its no reason you should find fault
with mine," said Kitty, with her bright
blue eyes full of tears. "And Mr.. Spark
well is such spiritually-minded man,
and dear Uncle Silas loves you just as If
you were his only son, and Cousin Joab
is so interested in the children"
"Pm much obliged to EN-" said l.
dryly, "but l slept all last week on sofa
cushions laid in the bath tubs we have
had fourteen people here over the an"
niversaries; and l was obliged to give
up my own room for month last winter
to old Maj swell, not to speak of our
being half poisoned with Aunt Louisa's
hygiene mess in the fail. When tho
poet said There's no place like home,'
| presume he meant when there's no
relations visiting there. I'll tell you
what, my dear" with sudden inspirn'
ton, "rve great mind formally to
deed over this house 10 your relations,
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-01-07
RATES OF ADVERTISING.

Regular rates OF advertising, st per square
irst insertion, AMI 30 cents each subsequent
Insertion.
Special contracts will be made for all Gdver-
tlsC ments for four insertions or over.
Transient advertisements always payable
quarterly in advance
Mln'sges and obituary notices, over ono
'quAre, chs gel for at half regular rates
All local news 10 cents a IfAJ for each In
'artion.
No notices inserted for less than fifty centS
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-01-07

A Quincy BOY SsC beside his girl for
Just one hour hstnight, and during that
time kissed her ninely-six times out OF
possible hundred. The other four times
she got in hurry and kissca him.
Modern Argo.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-01-07

FEBRUARIUB.
The other six yeres is ike February,
In the ende thereof beguyneth the sprynge,
That time children is most apt and redy
To receive Enlargement, nurture and
lernynge.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-01-07

VI hOniy IL vi AhBlnhu Nh' ~ 'V~ -AV@'t
JAEUARIUs.
rhe nyrst six yeres OF names byrth and aege,
May welle be compared to Janyuere,
Nor in this moneth is no strength nor courage
Moo than in chylde oil the aege Of six yere.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-01-07
S N Y ID { RS
CURATIVE
. a . S +!
THE MOST WONDERFUL HEALTH
REST0RERs KNOWN TO
MEDICAL SCIENCE.

MEDICAL SCIENCE.
Are worn externally. We mako three dif.
terent kinds, Mes !, 2 aud 8.
No. /, For Chills and Fever, Dyepepaia, Ie-
digestion. Biliousne E, Sick and Nervous Hold
Ache, and all diseases arising from iur, id
LIVER. Tho most effective Blood PCrhei Z
tant; gives Htiongth to the wesk and Gebi!tia'
ted Price, 90.
No. 2. For Female Weakness and .rregusri
ties, Falling Womb, Whites; enrchet Mo
blood, puriies the secretions End strengthens
weakly ard delicate females. Pr ca &c.
10. 8. For Kidney, Spine, ana Bladder Az c.
tions, Bright's Disease. d abetes, Lanl0 or
Weak Back, Tones up vitality and restor4n
lost energy. Price 90.
II your druggists does not keep sNfDERS
CURATIVE PADS" and will not get ons fer
you do not lot him palm of worthless innita-
tions, but send the price to ms in lolter, and
we will mail them TO you. Address
L. T. SNYDER n co,
143 W. 4th st., Cincinnati, Ohio.
For Sale by
JNO. %. TRAYNoR,
Druggist,
march lily Cleveland, Tenn.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-01-07

Coaches run between Bristol and Memphis
without change.
No Sunday delays.
baggage checked through.
VIM. KERR,
Passenger Agent, Knoxville, Tenn.
JAMES r. OGDEN,
Genl Pass. Agt. Knoxville. Tenn.
Il. s. DAVANT,
Asst Gcn1 Pass. Agt Memphis. Tenn.
J. W. SUTTON,
Passenger Agent. Chattanooga, Tenn.
O. @. MoMILLIN,
Ticket Agent, Chattanooga, Tenn.
The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21
A ranger's Mistake.

A Western merchant, who wanted TO do
some sight seeing and buy his Fall stock
at the same time, entered dry goods job
bling -house on Broadway, and seeostsd the
frat person he met with:
"Are you the proprietor here"
"Not exactly the proprietor" WAS the
reply; "st present sm acting rs shipping
clerk, but ! am cutting my cards for =
partnership next year by organizing noon
prayer meetings in the basement"
The stranger passes on to q very impor-
tsnt psr.onsge with a diamond pin, and
asked:
"Ars you the head Of the house,"
swell, no; | cant say at present, but
I've hopes of a partnership in January.
I'm only one Of the travellers just nov, but
am laying for a $1,000 pew in an up
town church, and that will mean a quarter
interest here in less than six months"
The nett man had his feet up, his hat
back, and 20-cent cigar in his mouth. and
he looked so solid that the stranger said;
"You must run this establishment ?"
"Me? Well, | may run it very soon,
At present am the bookeeper, but am
expecting to 60 into church choir with
the old man. darling, aud become an equal
partner here"
The stranger was determined not to make
another mistake. lie walked around until
be found man With hi. coat of and busy
with a case Of goods, aud he said to him
"rhe porters are kept pretty busy in
here, ! ssey"
YES" Was the brief reply.
"But suppose YOU are planning to in
vest in gospel hymn-book and stag the
old man out Of an eighth interest, aren't
you ~
swell, no, not exactly" Was the quiet
reply; "rm the old man himself"
And all the stranger said, after Ion
minuis spent In looking the merchant over
was
"Well, durn my buttons :"
The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21

Al McCiovsin's saloon, the bows we're
putting up an elaborate practical Joke on
somebody and they asked old Captain
skiddy, who had Just happened In, 10 take
a hand.
"No, gentlemen" said that estimsble
old citizen, decisivsly, "you don't catch me
taking part in any practical jokes. / went
out OF that business for good over ten years
ago"
How vi" thatF' asked he group OF
beer srterminators.
well, It vas In the Winter OF 30,
maybe a. i was liVins at Davenport
lows, and man came around there giving
balloon s'csnsions' One day II was adver-
tised that the mayor OF the town vas going
up with him. Now, the mayor was big
fat man, who always wore 9 light suit Of
clothes and = white hat. This put me in
the notion Of working Oft q Joke on the
people. ! got scquainted with the pronsut,
and he agreed to assist in the scheme. We
then got an old suit Of light clothes and
fixed up a dummy, which we filed with
sand, 90 that il weighed about 200, and
would therefore drop straight aud heavy
like . man. The day Of the ascension
there we're over 10000 people on the
ground, and the excitement was very great
a. there was a high wind blowing at the
time. After the balloon got up about q
mile, and maybe that far South Of the |
town. they dropped the dummy over"
big sensation then, eh?"
"Well. | should say so. Bat that's just
where lost nv grip. While the crowd
was shouting and going wild with horror,
| just laid down on the ground, rolled
over and laughed until | was just sick"
"should think the crowd would have
taken a tumble, too" suggested the su.
dience.
But Just wait. ot course the crowd
made a break out OF town 10 scrApe up tue
remsins, and i rushed home to Yet my
hshing tackle, Tor It struck me that the
most healthy thing ! could do would he to
20 hshing for day or two. Before left
the house, however, l was arrested Tor
murder
FOR murder
Exactly. A lot OF the boys, accom-
panied by the Sheriff., rushed in and col
Jared me. They claimed that the dummy
had fallen on farmer and driven his skull
The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21

Nols Ni"ttt ". ition, whose beautiful
10000 acre rancho is out towsrd the Rio
Grsnde, near Laredo, hiss been the Peter
the Hermit Of the Texans Tor years. lie
came to Texas in lsl4, common soldier.
by talent aud courage he rose 10 the rank
Of Colonel, and finally, in 1866, command.
ed Fort Mscrae. That year he fell in love
with beautiful Spanish girl at Albequin,
New Mexico. The admiration Of the
young people was mutual, and parental
objections only intensified the affection Of
the lovers. Finally, after two wears Of en-.
treaty and devotion, Col. Pelion won the
consent Of the parents Of the beautiful
Spanish girl and they were married.
One day the two, accompanied BY the
young wiie's mother and twenty soldiers
rode out to the hot -ping-, sir miles from
the fort to take bath. While in the bath
which Is near the Rio Grsnde, an Indisn
arrow passed over their heads. Then .
Shower Of arrows fell around them, and q
band Of Wild Apache Indians rushed down
upon them, whooping aud yelling like a
band OF demons. Several Of the soldier.
fell dead, pierced With poisoned arrow.
This frightened the rest, who fed. Ano,h.
a, show., ., - - ',s,
bride and her mother dropped into the
water, pierced by the cruel weapon. Of the
Anachss Win ri. IL -.
ewes Cal p.l,o, d..l., ~, a. -
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The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21

NV nerves will regain their sisor,
My brain will become more clear and
powerful.
My muscles be made strong.
Ny dyspepsia and indigestion no longer
trouble ms.
Ny hearts regular action be restored.
Ny blood Nc made more pure.
My weak lungs made more healthy, and
all the functions Of my body restored to
their normal condition, aud every symp.
tom Of weakness. nervousness aud debility
be removed. II | use Brown. Iron Bi,isrs.
4 News.
The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21

"Old age" say. the hA1eaOiOyieai haga
sine. "i- almost invariably accompanied by
a prominent cha. The lads shn does
not put up her hand To h,r chin upon
reading ihi. paragraph may safely con
elude that The l.. still a daisy, il not a
DUN pling
The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21

Exhaustive di-sass. tha, lead Ia in.aaily,
consumption add premature grave, are
quickly cured by using Brosn's lr1n
Bitter. IL Strengthens every part At 'hs
bads
The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21

To clean old lamp burner, wash them
in ashes aud water add they will come out
bright a. nrS. Many times burner Is
condemned because the light j. poor, when +,
having elosssd ny with ssdiasnl, the
wick is al fault.
The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21

Before yau attempt to fo''l ~i'h gun
always load il IL !. the empty sun that
zoe. oh unsIpsctsd snd gives some lsll""
pain right ~hsrs he didnt want IL -
lGlssgow Times
The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21

The following is one Of the most bril-.
liant paragraphs ever written by the
lamented Geo. d. Prentice; "The dat OF
death is memorable. No appeal for relief
from that great law which dooms US to
dust. We flourish and fade US the leaves
Of the forest, and the flowers that bloom,
wither and fade in day have no Trailer
hold upon life than the mightiest monarch
that ever shook the earth with his foot.
steps, Generations Of men will appear
and disappear as the grass, and the multi
tudes that throng the world to day will
disappear as footsteps on the shore. Men
seldom think Of the great event ni death
until the shadow falls across their own
pathway, hiding from their eyes the faces
OF loved ones whose living smile WIS the
sunlight OF their existence. Death is the
antagonist Of life, and the thought Of the
tomb is the skeleton of all fessts. We do
not want to 40 through the Dark Valley,
although its dark passage may lead To
paradise; We do not want TO go down into
damp graves, even with princes for bed.
fellows. In the beautiful drama Of Ion
the hope of Immortality, so eloqueutly
uttered by the death devoted Greek. 6nds
deep response in every thoughtful soul.
When about 10 yield his life a sacrifice to
fate, his Clsmsnthe asks il they should
meet again; to which he responds: 4 have
asked that dreadful question Of the hills
that look elernal-of the clear streams
that How ioreyer-of stars among those
fields Of azure my raised spirits have
walked in glory, All are dumb. But As !
gaze upon thy living face, feel that there
is something in love that nantes through
its beauty tina, eannO, wholly perish. W.
shall meet again Clemanths -
The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21

De wsleb, Of Lancaster, Ohio ~sr'
risd Miss Della Nicely. The boys say
that the Doctor did Niesly, but tbs lady did
not d. As Welsh might Sunday Argus.
The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21


ten by venerable uncle living in Stan
iori, TO an afflicted niece living near Hsr'
rodsburg, was published some time ago ia
the har'od-burg Enterprise, and We repnb'
lish nov by request OF the suthor, Mr.
Barney Van Arsdsle
DEAR kArE-fou ask for my opinion
" to the curative powers OF the Pink
'o'tage faith Cure institution" While
oheerinily give you my opinion, II is only
81 opinion, with many Others OF like mind,
ana ye' mere are others who difier from
'he views herein expressed. The Pink
collage faith Cure system, rs here prsc-
'Iesd' and ia so Tar as II proposes to cure
'he ns'ad's' and Affections OF the human
body "s hum"ns and deception that is,
" ""sh' shu prscticec IN said insti-
,u"on' "a sure cure Tor the affections and
u''es'e' o' 'hs phy''caI man. out OF
many 'hH nave come here to he healed,
so"'s nave died here, Others have gone
nome ana died, while some, II may be, have
oeen Deneh'ed IN their conditions, just -
SICK per'o" l. sometimes benefited by GO
ing To the Grab Orchard Springs, or any
o.her healthy watering place. The change
., 'oo'e'y' OF wafer die'' atmosphere, &c,
WI" gehersiiy prove 10 DE PdHoceo and
"e"eue'A' 10 'he emaeia'ed, sniietsd suffer-
ef'' u 'hey are able and willing to make
Tue ehange' !" Shove 'n'ima'ed' Tor such is
our experience IN these matters.
mere Is, however, smother element, Of
'e's'ou' character, Intimately associated
"un 'ne RINK collage Faith Cure,
.hcn , ue''rs 10 'peat OF IN 'hi' connec'
non new "eorse " hArnes, whom you
know perhaps "s man Of large eIper-
'e"ce iheo'og'an' win an excess OF
sa''e motions As 10 the teachings OF
INN" s"u nus Apostles man with strong
persuasive powers ana more untiring zeal
'"u energy 'hsn usually belongs to any
'he m'". uod' ne says, has called him to
me "orS OF ~ evangelist, ana ne Is now
'u' III 'ne h''iy country OF has'ern Ken
I"cks 'aoof'hg 70 ms calling Tor salvation
20 uoe SOUS OF men, anu amounting Their
- nj IL hal Ia Laa
The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1881-10-21
Stanford, August 1881.

Costly BooKBIsDIso. - Mr.. Joseph
Sabin, in conversation with a New York
Erening Post reporter, gave the following
information in regard TO the binding OF
books, which ia TO be elssssd among the
tine arts: The finest modern binders are
in Paris Davis is at their head. lie does
not bind probably more than a thousand
volumes a year; but he charges his own
prices and work. only for certain set Of
rich men who put nothing into their
libraries that !. not perfect. Lortic 10
another Frenchmsn who does exquisite
work. Two years ago ! saw two volumes
Of Lafontaine's Tales bound BY him at q
cost Of one thousand dollars for each vol
ums, and they were octsvos at that II
the covers had been Of solid gold they
would not have cost 40 much; but each
volume represented more than . years
labor by fr-i.clas. workman Who used
more than ten thousand different tools In
the work. Z.hnsdof IL an Austrian who
has made Paris his home, and who does
excellent work. Some Of the unique bind.
ings that may be found in the great pri-
vats Libraries Of Europe show how little
advance the world has made In the art Of
okbinding in the last two hundred years.
One Of the finest bindings | ever saw 10 in
the library Of the Earl OF Ashburnham-s
prayer book given by Henry VIII to Anne
Bolsyn, the covers being Of 'p n frstted
gold. Some Of the volumes in the eollee.
tion would cost $500 to bind to- day, II
a...nL ,so.L nan La l.,ua