The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1881-11-04
VARIETIES.

Anu so you learn dancing, BOD Anu
how do you like valsing?" "Ohit's not bad =?
l can manage very well myself, but / think
q girls rather in the way.
The editor of the Ansonia Sentinel found
a covered basket on his stoop the other
night. But it contained nothing but peaches
mighty narrow escape.-Danbony Ne,cs
Newspaper advertisement, Wanted-A
saddle horse for lady weighing about $50
pounds" Another "Wanted-A young man
to take charge ofa pair of horses of a reli-
gious turn of mind"
Artist Ito a porter)-"You carried my
picture to the Academy and handed it over
to the committee?" Porter-"Yes, and it
pleased 'em nightly. 1t would have done
you good to see EN- laugh"
-Teacher-"John what are your boots
made Off" Boy-"Of leather" "Where does
the leather come from?" ''From the hide OF
the OK" "What animal, therefore, supplies
you with boots and gives you meat to eat ?"
MY father"
whats your business ?" asked the Judge
of a prisoner at the bar. "Well, s'pose you
might call me locksmith." "When did you
last work at your trader" "Last night, when
| heard call for the police made bolt for
the door,"
Small matter II declare |" exclaimed
Brown, II believe have forgotten all have
ever knew" "Sorry to hear it," remarked
Fogg." However, you can take an hour
some day and learn it all over again"
Numerical impossibility: "Mary says
you can't come to see her any more" said q
boy to his sisters admirer. "Why not ?''-
Because you come to see her every evening
now; and how could you come any morc?"
SAMANTHA, Pm going to let go of your hand
for minute, but you won't be mad, will you
darling wouldn't let go till you did, only
some sort of bug is crawling down my back
and | can't keep my mind on you and bugs
at the same timer
If J. am between two moral evils, | will
not have either "Therc is small choice in
rotten apples" am to reject both. A man
is not to lie, to save from the necessity to
steal; nor to break the Sabbath, lest he should
not be able to pay his debts. Never choose
to do wrong.
-Teacher-Whot is the shape of the
earth?
Scholar-Fat.
Teacher-You know better If | should
dig a hole through the earth, where would
come out?
Scholar-Out of the hole,
He was wealthy but penurious, and this
is what he aaid to the sutton for his daugh-
ter's hand: Eyes, you can have her But
you must elope with her. / can't afford the
expense ola swell wedding, and the romance
of the elopement will make up for the lack
of show and we'll save $500 on expenses
Go it."
complimentary notice: "Don't you
know that it is felony to steal a pocket-book
out of gentlcmans pocket p asked an Aus
tin Justice ola hard case. eyes, knows it,
Judge, but dat ar pocket-book bulged out so
at de sides dat l bleeve you has so much
sperit in yer dat yer would hab made break
for it yerself, Judge, eff nobody was watchin'
yer"
"A Gentle nag: "Can | drive him do you
Think" Mr. Slowboy timidly asked the iiv-
cry man, as he climbed into the buggy and
handled the reigns with some misgiving-
LAND yes; said the hostler, with hearty
encouragement, anybody can drive him;
but" he added as the horse went down the
street like Il rocket, climbed over hay
wagon, shook Mr.. Slowboy into the Missis-
sippi river and left the buggy hanging on the
arm ola lamp,post, "it takes railroad to keep
up with him."
He was grave and reverend college
professor, and he was enjoying the air on one
of the wharves "Do you catch many mack
erel this year," he asked of hardy fisherman.
"Well," the son of Neptune replied, 1--WE
seine some" Pardon, young man." ex-
claimed the man of letters, "You mean we
saw some" Not by hornfull," replied the
fisherman. "Who ever heard of saving fish.
We split EN-, sir, we split 'em; but we never
saw EN-" The man from the college seemed
mystified. He turned away and sighed at
the ignorance of the times
-Fogg put his foot into it bodily when he
was introduced to Mrs. Smith and her daugh-
ter. He wished to say something neat and
gallant Addressing the daughter said he:
REALLY, madam, l never should have sus-
pected that the lady was your daughter. |
of course you were sisters; did, l
assure you" "Thank you, Mr. Fogg," re-
piled Miss Smith. "You were perfectly
right in thinking that lady could not be my
daughter. She is my mother, sir" Fogg
went off IN hurry, calling somebody OF other
q COMPOUNDED fool, while Miss Sarah was
heard to remark, Indignantly Sisters, in
deed !"