Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-07-14
Facts Concerning Jay Gould.

JIG pTOpIlcboI VI tuo approaching circus
and menagerie of that name, was pick
ing his teeth on the steps of hotel
quite popular with showmen, tall,
sun-burned, baldheaded man, with pine
burs in his clothes and stick of sassa-
fras in his mouth, approached and said
6 Be you the wild animal man, mis-
ter?'
The proprietor of the "Double Nam.
moth Mastodon Aggregation'' admitted
that such was the fact.
"Then," proceeded the party from
the mountains, 81 think III get you to
make me an offer for a large-sized
healthy California lion I've got.''
"Good specimen, eh?' asked the cir
Gus man
"Good? Well, 1 should say so.
Measures eleven feet from the tip of his
nose to the tip of his tail. Caught him
myself when cub. Just four years old
tomorrow"
"Hum good appetizer
"Appetite? Great Scott-appetite !.
Well, l should smile-that's Just the
point-that's just why Pm parting with
jay call him Jay Gould because he
takes everything in. If it wasn't for
his appetite and the queer little things it
makes him do l wouldn't part with
Gould for fortune.'
"Savage, eh?''
"Well, no; don't know as l should
call Jay savage, exactly-sorter nib
blish, though, he may be. Has a kinder
habit of gnawing up things, SO to speak
In fact, the neighbors-I live up at Blad-
der's Peak-haye gotten to be so fussy
and particular of late that | can't so
much as unchain j. G. for little fresh
air without their getting grumpy over
it,"
"There's no pleasing some people,
said the hippodromer.
81 should say not. Now, frinstance,
bout three months after Jay got
to be as big as boarding
house sofa, / came home one day
from a picnic and found he had
eaten up Aunt Maria, who had been left
at home to mind the house-leastwise
she was nowhere to be found; and as
Jay Gould seemed sorter bulgy-like, and
kept coughing up hairpins and false
teeth for a day or two, we kinder sus-
picioned the whole thing"
"Maternal aunt?" inquired the show
man, thoughtfully.
"Exactly. Ny wife took on dread
fully at first, and wanted me to shoot
Jay right off. But | told her that he
probably suffered good deal as it was,
and that as most likely he d catch rheu-
matism and the like from the remains,
we'd better call it square. -
"And she did?'
"Well, she kinder got reconciled after
a while, especially as Jay seemed fond
Of playing with the children. One morn
ing soon after that my wife's mother
whole family lived with me, you see
didn't come down to breakfast. AS all
her false hair was hanging over chair
back, and Gould crawled out from under
the bed licking his chops, and with his
tongue good deal coated -mother-in-
law was always taking things for the
liver complaint-we saw at once it was
another visitation of Providence, and
that the heavy hand of afiliction was
again upon u.s."
"Looked that way, didn't it?''
"Well, as you may suppose, the old
lady-that's my wife-pranced around
a good deal then, and got down the
breech- loader right away. But just then
arrived gold medal from the S. p. G..
A. Society, awarded on account of my
forbearance in the Aunt Maria business,
and so 1 got her Gained down after
awhile -
"Pacified her, eh?''
eyes: / managed to arrange re-
prieve for Jay, somehow. You see, |
was always awful fond of pets, and ten
der-hearted, and all that, you under
stand. | argued that the poor animal
didn't know that he was doing wrong
merciful man is merciful to his beast,
etc. That smoothed things over for an
other month"
"What happened then?'
"Well, one day | sent Johnny, our
youngest boy, down to the store for some
sugar, and he took Gould along for
company. Now, whether it was be-
cause Jay was fond of sugar or not, [
don't know, but he came home alone,
and as soon as we noticed peculiar
kind of bulge on his ribs, about as big
as Johnny, we concluded that the dread
archer had marked another Skidmore-
nv name is Skidmore-for his own.
The whole family took on like mad, and
Mrs. Skid was about to shove the pow
der key under Jay Gould and touch it
off herself when l pointed out that it
wouldn't do to desecrate our Offspring's
tomb in that way. So | just had the
burial service read over the lion and tied
Grape around his neck for thirty days.
How does that strike you?"
"After that you kept the animal
chained?"
"Well, no. The fact is I set out to
get chain several times, but one thing
and another prevented, until one day
last week [ actually missed the old lady
herself. | looked around for her a
couple of days. when somehow of a sud
den | sorter intentioned where she was.
[ gave Gould about half a pound of
emetic right away, but all we could get
out of him was a pair of high heeled
shoes and chest protector. 1t was too
late-too late! We put the shoes and
things in coffin, and had Jay led be-
hind the hearse to the cemetery.
Wanted to have as much of the corpse
present as possible-don't you see! We
had the animal all decorated with
flowers and things, as fine as you please.
Folks said it was the touchingest thing