Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-05-04
FUNNYGRAPHS,

A soN-NET-your neighbours pretty
laughter.
A LIGHT dinner" The Feast of
Lanterns.
The man with the scolding wife is
overrated.
A MAN often stubs his toe on the
| threshold of success.
The weight of the world-about twelve
ounces to the pound.
Our Teutonic friend thinks the Prodi-
90l Son had a warm welcome.
UNDREssED kids will be quite common
at the sea shore this summer Boston
Post
A FARMER friend calls one of his early
vegetables Waterloo" because it is a
big beet.
DOES girl cudgel her brains every
time she bangs her hair ?-LoaceU
| Courier.
FARE but false, as the conductor OBJ
served when the passenger rendered him
lead nickel.
GIVING fourteen ounces to the pound
is the weigh that some have to get rich.
= Whitehall Times.
AT the end of Lent in the Arctic
regions they have a regular North Easter.
Boston Transcript.
The contribution box is superior to
the ballot box. II is never stuffed and in
no danger CT repeaters.
WHERE was she when he spider? and
and where will she beetle he sees her
again. - Utica Observer.
AN oyster, said Hood, is very ano1na-
lous, for you have to take it out Of it's
bed before you tuck it in.
MANS lot: Twixt women and wine,
mans lot Is to smart; wine maketh his
head ache, and women his heart.
Now that measles are prevalent,
mothers as well as astronomers are look
| ing for spots on the son.-HarUardL Lam
| pom.
"Is that cheese rich ?" asked Bloggs
| of his grocer. eyes," was the honest
answer, ''there's millions in it.''-Hort-
| ford Post
The new car is confirmed trombone
player. We now understand why so
many people in Russia are Nihilists.-
Boston Transcript.
The maple tree is an emblem of
Christian forbearance. The more it is
| bored the more sweetness it exudes-
Boston transcript.
eco to the ant, thou sluggard,"
don't seem to be needed in any way by
the sluggard, who generally goes to his
uncle.-BOStO'a Times.
AN Illinois editor, who kept memo
randum of the thrashings he received at
the hands of his subscribers, used to re-
fer to it as his club list.
KEEP up the procession of life, young
man; close up to the band. If you ever
fall to the rear where the elephants are,
you are apt to get trod on.
THE manufacturer says, "There s
something you may depend on, for I
made it myself" Thus reasons thevera-
cious newspaper correspondent.
A KANSAS judge is reported to have
| decided that ticket to GO admit one +" is
good for husband and wife. That Judge
undoubtedly has wife, and the circus
season is at hand.
AN exchange publishes an article
headed "How to Tell a.Mad Dog" We
have nothing to tell mad dog that we
cannot communicate by telephone or
postal card.-B0stO1a Transcript.
IT is supposed that when winter was
going out it collided with spring coming
in, and the seasons were so badly
| telescoped that it is difficult to tell t'other
| from which. -NorristoaUn Herald.
| A REMNANT that is larger than the
original piece-the remnant of Victoria's
band of Indians Some of it gets kill
ed every few days and the remnant is
still more than hundred yards wide
| and not worsted.
"HoLE on dar," said colored man,
hailing an acquaintance "Does yer
cross de street cherry time yer sees me
ter keep from payin' dat bill?" Mol
doesn't" sWhat fur, den?" oTer
keep from bein' axed fur it. -
1T is not a very heavy joke, this one
of the New York Mirror, which says that
blonde actress must weigh less than a
brunette, because her hair is lighter. As
a rule, however. one actress weighs less
than another because her form is slight
er.
Men sometimes say that, though their
lives may not be just right, their hearts
are all right. Impossible! A farmer
never puts the poorest apples on the top
of his barrel, nor does the merchant
paw tIIO AIO6dCoU SOOuo LII hlo OAOH W.
dow. The best part of us is our out
ward ife.-1'otnaage.
A MAN had just taking his seat in
street-car, in fact, he had just got fairly
down, when lady entered. He i'm
mediately rose. "Don't rise, sir; beg
of you, don't" she said GOOD heavens,
ma'am, f" he yelled, 81 must! There's
pin three inches long set up on that
seat!''
"How came these holes in your
elbows ?" said widowed mother to her
only son. "Oh, mother I hid behind
the sofa when Col. Gobler was saying to
Maria he'd take her even if you had to
be thrown in; and he didn't know was
there; and so I held my tongue and
laughed in my sleeves till l busted em."
ON physiognomy: Enthusiastic young
lady: " What sweetly pretty boy of
yours, Mrs. Flnnegani What beautiful