Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1881-09-22
RICHARD THE III.

This rich morsel of the legitimats
drama will be produced in Mexico
the coming season by Tom Keene,
and perhaps LEDGER readers would
like to get the run of the play before
it upon the boards.
Taking the word of Mr.. Shakes
peare for it, this Richard the Ill was
about the lowest down blk that ever
with the infammatory rheu-
matism and other diseases until he
was drawn out of all shape like a bill
lard ball troubled with too much
English.
It's too mach English that seems
to all all those cockney chaps across
the water.
Richard the III was born q duke.
He had this honor thrust upon him.
But was he satisfied Well, not by
. heavy majority. He was envlous
as Vassar girl forced to wear only
niue button Bernhardt kids instead
Of seventeen button shoulder-reachers.
Very early in his checkerberry career,
while he was llmping around the pal
ace and whining because he wasn't
constructed in more asthetic and
too too shape, and because there was
no gouging, stabbing and killing 60
ing on, he got his weather eye nn the
throne of England and never took it
off until he had moved swath of
dead bodies to it, and scrambled on
top of the heap.
So Richard opened the ball by rum
ming his umbrella through the Kings
liver and spreading it. This immedi-
ately stopped the flow Of laudable pus,
and the first bulletin issued by the
surgeons announced the Kings death.
When the funeral procession started
Richard couldn't keep up, and he
ordered the pail bearers to dump the
coffin while he took rest. or course
this put the widowed Queen all out of
patience. She reviled the game.leg-
ged Duke and offered to make a cul-
lender out of him with his own sword.
But at this Richard only laughed a
mean kind of snicker, and said he
had killed the King solely because he
worshipped the Queen and wanted to
marry her.
This put an entirely new phase on
the affair, and before the funeral COR
tege again started up, the Queen had
promised 10 think the matter over
and give him an answer in the after
noon by telephone.
When he was alone Bichard said:
''Damn the Queen. Curse the King;
curse everybody. Won't 1 make
her life a regular picnic after I get
her? Well, 1 should remark. Now,
there is them young Jukes, Clarence
and his brother. If they we've out of
the way everything would be serene.
What, no! without, Buckingham! +!
Come hither. Hist! Go smother the
Juke of York and his brother in the
Tower. Then come 10 me for thy re-
ward. Dost catch on to the racket"
This fixed the drop on the two in
fants, and they were smothered by
Buckingham's coachman, and Rich
ard, Duke Of Gloster, was proclaimed
Richard the iii, King Of England.
He WAS then given possession Of all
the crown jewels, parks, winter pal
aces, horses, mules. Durham cattle,
newspaper offices, maids of honor,
battle axes, Charter Oak cook stoves,
culinary utensils, and all the heredi-
taments and sppurtenences thereunto
belonging.
He kept his word in regard to the
Queen he married, and she was heard
to remark frequently, soto roce, that
she would like to drop into Hadcs
for while and cool off.
But there was a large threc-ply,
nickle-plated Nemesis on the trail of
Richard, who had accumulated skir-
mishing fund, raised body of stall
warts and was marching down on
Richard and his half-breeds at the
rate of thirty or forty miles day.
This Richm' nd was husky chap
from the Fourth Ward, and when he
drew near to London, Richard he
came somewhat alarmed and ordered
out the brass hand and three compa-
nies of the hook and ladder depart
ment, and put on his TIN armor and
shook his tin sword and swore by the
gods of war that he would decorate
Richmond with TIN ear. But while
he was camping On Bosworth Field
he had terrible shock of the night
mare, and thought Richmond was
pouring hot lead into his capacious
ears, and that the ghosts of all the
persons he had murdered on his way
to the throne were gathered around
his cot.bed and guying him, until he
awoke IN fright, and fell out Of bed,
paving the dirt like dog which has
just got outside of half an ounce nt
strichnine.
But when it come TO question of
personal pluck Richard was no chick
en-, and he rallied pretty mlddiing
quick, jumping up and yelling like
fury that shadows had that night
brought more terror to the soul of
Richard than could ten thousand
Richmonds, or any other man. He
added Immediately after: ".iichar,l
Is himself again, and don't you fail
to recollect it."
He then went around the camp and
hustled out the band and the fir.
brigade and commenced still hunt
for Richmond whom he found sooner
than he expected. Richard then de-
manded q horse, offering to swap of
his kingdom even up for second-rale
roadster, who couldn't go in less than
two-forty-five on q good track.
But Richmond chased Richard into
the southeast corner Of the lot, and
the two got down TO their regular
work. After they had hacked away at
each other for about five minutes,
Richmond, by a slight turn of th.
wrist sent the rusty old cutlass q,
Richards spinning up into the dies.
and then deity and neatly skew, re,l
him on his own sword, much to III.
chagrin of Richard, who died all over
the stage to red FIRE and atrocious
music and was not seen again until
he and Richard turned up in the
Il L.