The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1881-05-25
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

THE hens are organizing a mutual laid
society
The bad oyster plays a dead open and
shut game,
SrRIKrNd near home -- knocking
tramp off your front steps,
lr is much easier to be lovely and ac-
complshcd when one is rich.
QUICKSILVER - that which passes
through newspaper office.
Resolutions are great sticklcrs for
ceremony. They all have to be intro
duccd.
A CmcAGo editor adyertises for a wife
who knows less than he does. Some men
are mighty hard to suft
To make Graham loaf af-put him
upon the street corner with n cigar in his
mouth. - DuHbWW Nc,rS.
SoME editors bubble over with original
fun which comes from the heart and goes
to the right spot-the paste-pot of their
ncighG2rs
"Do you drink ?" said a temperance re-
former to bcggar who had implorcd
aims of him. "Ycs, thank YOU" re-
turned the candid pauper; "whero shall
we go?'
THE man who took n seat in the or
chcstra when his ticket was for the sec
oud balcony felt badly in having to
change. In fact, he was moved two
tiers.
"Twenty- dollars a week.
Isn't that too much?" mo, mum; the
Consolidated Servant Girls Union has
forbidden us to wurruk for any less
mum. '-PUck
JONES is n bad stuttercr. Hc was
abusing Fogg the other day; but Fogg,
who is Il brakeman and is used to sucn
things, turned away with the remark
that it was only broken rail.
"JonNNY," said his father, as the boy
took the primal biscuit from the plate,
"dont you know that it is impolite to
help yourself before your elders?'
"Why, papa, mother told me to help
myself before You. "What do You
mean, sir?" asked his father, while his
mother looked up with astonislmont de-
pictcd in every feature. "Why | heard
mother tell Aunt Hannah that she hoped
! wouldn't take after you, and so |
thought would take my biscuit first. "
"WHY do women so often wander aim
lcssly in the murky solitudes Of the dead
past, brooding over the days that are
forever gone p asked young lady of
practical lover, who is awidower. "They
don't" he replied. "On the contrary,
they wander around the dry goods stores
of the present pricing things they have
no idea of buying, Women are not
dreamy or poetical, but when it comes
to getting s. hustle for 81, 50 they keep
right up with the procession.
Fogg- say, Jones, that dog Of
yours gave me an awful fright last night.
As | was passing your house he came
tearing out of the yard, barking and
yclping like all possessed " Jones,
"Oh, he won't hurt You, Fogg: he's per-
fcctly harmless. Fogg -"Ies, that's
what told Mrs +. this morning. He's
perfectly harmless. He began to be
harmless Just after he ran at me last
night. had my revolver in my pocket.
Good morning, Jones. '-BoSt0n Tran
script.
A LITTLE miss, residing not far off
had got into the naughty habit of not
stating things as they were, or, to put it
plainly, of stating them as they were not,
Rather than reason with her on the
Wiokcdness Of lying her mother one day
took d own New Testament and very
solemnly read the story of Ananias and
SapphrN, and their sudden death, be-
cause they dsregarded the truth. The
little lady heard the story through, and
looking up, said: mamma, don't be-
licve it, I've told lots and lots of lies. -
What answer could be made -NcwbWy-
| pOH UCrdH.