The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1881-10-27
A SPOOPENDYKE EXPER1ENCE, E,
An Accession to the Family,

"Woll, we'll, well," said Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke, with grin that involved his whole
head. and an effort at a tip toe tread thai
shook the whole house. "And Sc it's g
girl, my dear"
Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled family and
MIR. Spoopendyke picked up his beiress.
Its the iluage of you" she said. regard
ing with some trepidation Mr.. Spoopen-
dykes method Of handling the infant
Il don't see how you make that out,
said Mr.. Spoopendyke gravely. Il don't
know when my nose looked like the thumb
part of G boiled lobster claw. Do un-
derstand YOU that my eyes bear any resem
blance to the head Of a screw?"
i mean the general features, murmur-
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke.
The general features seem to be all
mouth, retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. exan-
features are ut I'LL alike, my visage must re-
mind You of an earthquake. Hi! kitchec
kitchee! What makes her fold I'D her legs
like that?"
"She can't help it, reasoned Mrs Spoop.
endykc. They'll straighten out in time. -
mo time like the present." quoted Mr..
Spoopendy ke, and he took his daughter
feet and commenced pulling her limbs. Il
don't want any handy legged first in this
family while I'm at the head Of it,"
Naturally the baby began to cry and MIR.
Spoopendyke essayed to soothe it.
Hi! kitchee! kitchee! kitch .cc- eel" he
chirrnped, Great Scott, what cavern ANY
idea how much this mouth weighs? Hi
kitchee! kitch-e-e! You'll have to get that
mouth rooted in before cold weather.
What's the matter with her. anyway"
Perhaps You hurt her. Let 1ne take
her, please; pleaded helpless Mrs. Spooper-
dyke.
She's doing we'll enough. Hi! you
Hold up2 Haven't you anything to cltch
this mouth in! It's spilling Ill over the
neighborhood. Hi! Topsy, Genevieve,
Cleopatra, dry up! I'm going to Lave
trouble breaking this young one's temper
can see that. Here: bend tho other way
once" and Mr. rSroopendyket RED to straight.
en- up his offspring without avail.
"Let her come to no, do, please" ".moan
ed Mrs. Spoolendyke, and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke was forced to hand her over.
We'll, that's quite Il baby" said he
nursing his knee and cycling the infant
"What're those bumps over its eyes for!
What prepondeance Of intelligence dc
they representa-"
"You nusn't talk So" demonstrated Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "She's tho handscmest
child you ever saw"
well, she's got to stop biting her nails
before she goes any further with this pro-
cession. Here, take your hands out OF
her hands DOWN."
'Why, all babies do that" explained
Mrs. Spoopendykc. "You can't stop that. u
I'm going to try" said Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, "and 1,don't want to be interfered with
in bringing this child up. Here, you, Maud
>. Bonesetter, put your hands in your
pockets! Don't let me see any more nail
chewing or you and I'll got mixed up in an
argument. She gets that from your family,
Mrs. Spoopendyke.'
Say, dear, don't you want to go and Or
der some things?" asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke.
mo" rejoined her husband. II want to
sec this youngster. Where's her chin? Do
babies always have their upper Jaw set
right on their shoulders? Kitchee! kitchee!
Her scalp comes clear to the bridge of her
nose. don't believe she's quite right,
Where's here forehead2 Great Moses! Her
head is all on the back part! Say, that ba-
bys got to be pressed. That's no shape"
"Get away, exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke
Indignantly. ''She's perfect angel.
There's nothing in the world the matter
with her."
"Of course you know" growled Mr..
Spoopendyke. "You don't want anything
more than fog horn and misspent appro-
priation to be an orphan asylum. If had
your faith and the collie I'd make a living rs
a foundling's home! She'll be old enough
to spank in q week won't she? s.::ss,ss::
NO. she won't!' said Mrs. Spoopendyke.
She'll never be old enough for that
'Tll bet she will." grunted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, If she isn't, she'll Get it before she
natures up to that period. That's all. Let
me take her. Here, let's have her."
But Mrs. Spoopendyke fatty refused.
Keep your dod gasted baby then!'
reared Mr.. Spoopendyke. IF you know
more about babies than L do, then keep
her. The way you coddle her one would
think she was new paste for the complex
ion. If you had one more brain and a han
die, you'd make fair rattle box! lit Won
up with broken sofa and grease spot and
you'd do for second hand nursery"
And Mr.. Spoopendyke started off 10 find
his friend Specklewottle, who congratulated
him, and started off with him to assist ir
the selection Of an overcoat and a pair Of
ear muffs as precautionary against the ap.
preaching winter.