Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1881-12-09
CROOKED WAYS.

-BtdckUO0ds 9 Magazine.
CROOKED WAYS.
Like a good many other young men
and women too, for that matter-I
was once badly afflicted with cacocttes
scrtbondi. OF course greater evils might
have betallen me; ! might have been
seized with q passion TOR whisky or
gambling; but, still, my cacoethes scri-
derdi was serious enough. During my
college days the symptoms showed
themselves plainly; but the malady did
not really assume its true and awful
proportions until after had taken my
degree. Then, forsooth, it fastened
upon me like leech, and before many
months had elapsed it overmastered me
completely. In accordance with my
mothers wish, / went to Dundas,
ostensibly to read law with my un-
Gle, but it was mere pretense of law
reading, for the mornings that ought
to have spent over Blackstone were de-
voted to the composition of novel and
the afternoons to the polishing of some
poems. Uncle Dick shook his head
gravely and demonstrated, sometime in
sadness and sometimes in anger.
THAT scribbling will never amount
to anything" he would say, contempt
uously. This was hard to bear; but my
lofty aspirations sustained me, and, firm
in my belief of ultimate success, scrib-
'bled on and ever, and bombarded all
the magazines in the country with my
manuscripts. The magazines did not
open their columns to me, and fell
back at last upon the weekly newspa-
pers. and especially upon the Boston
Weekly faliadium. The journal printed
my essays, and certain assistant edit
or, whose initials were "F. b. S. :" sent
me polite notes from time to time. 1t
was something to see my productions
in print; it would have been more
had these productions once in q
while brought in check. But
they never did; they elected only
polite notes from F. e. S. Finally, l
wrote a letter to the assistant editor
upon the subject, and by return post l
received a reply. 1t was sent to my
private box at the Post-office, but, to
my great amusement, was directed to
"Jane Bell" instead of "John." My
handwriting was not very distinct, and
perhaps tritle feminine, and the sig
nature, upon which rather priced my
self, certainly left it an open question
whether John or Jane were meant
The note, too, began
MISS BELL: In reply to your question,
would say that this journal pays only its
regular corps of writers. We are glad to
receive your articles, and perhaps later may
make adequate compensation therefor; but,
as young writer, 1t would be wiser for you
to think at present only OF securing foot
hold. You have an excellent chance of sue
cess in the end; but much patience is neces-
sary at the outset
"Please say whether shall direct future
communications to John Bell, Miss Bell, or
Mrs. Bell. AT present 1 do not venture to
give you any title. Every truly yours,
+. B. SCREvEN."
This letter at once amused and piqued
me. 1t was pleasant and rather encour-
aging, but it was plain the writer set me
down as an impecunious young woman,
whereas the truth was l had very fair
income of my own, and was six-foot,
moustached specimen of masculinity.
The idea of playing the role of Miss
Jane Bell tickled my fancy, and there
fore, giving my imagination free rein,
upon the spur of the moment satdown
and wrote as follows:
"F. b. ScREyEN--At present l also an
in quandary, for do not know whether !
ought to address you as. Madame, Monsieur
or MademOiselle. The last title Ia mine just
now, although OF course L feel ut liberty
to change 1t when l choose, or rather
when the proper opportunity offers
itself. Perhaps mair rimony would be
a more profitable speculation than ltera-
ture. Do not, however, suppose that
am dependent on my pen for my bread
and butter. In that case, fear, the butter
would be very thin, indeed. No; the fates
have given me most OF the luxuries of life !;
but these, OF course, do not satisfy me. The
reason why wrote as / did about payment
for the articles was simply because
thought II they were good enough to print
they were good enough to be paid for. II
seems i was mistaken; but to show you
that take your advice, send you another
essay. will at least try to secure foot
hold, and pray that greater success may
~ am, dear Madame, Monsieur or Mad
emoiselle Screven,
''sincerely yours,
''JANE BELL"
Laughing in my sleeve, i sent this
communication off, and planned that,
If the assistant editor sent me u friend
ly reply. would open correspondence
in my role of Miss Jane Bell and fool
L. Is. Screven as never man had been
fooled before. Judge, then, of my dis
may when received letter in what
knew was Screven's writing, but not
written on Office paper, and signed Fran
Ies ", pvrIran SoreI1h. m1h,ah, py
JoVe' i eAciailheu uhere ana theh III
the post-oliice, whereby q small boy,
who was standing nigh, nearly swal-
lowed in astonishment the nostaoe.
a,a,r, ha re- nnroP,,I,,, 7
s.linP he mao ouio'uy iiohinS
thrust lne ietter IN my pockeu anu uiu
not read it until i was safely at home.
Thus the missive ran:
.D. 49,. 49,, ,. ,..