The People's vindicator. [volume] (Natchitoches, La.) 1874-1883, 1881-09-17
Locking the Trunk.

"My DEAR" said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
as she arose from her knees, hot and
tired from packing, and rubbing the
small of her back as she Strengthened up,
''I'm all through now, and I wish you
would lock the trunk"
"Certainly," replied Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, dropping his paper and slamming
down the lid. "All you've got to do is
just fit the hasp in the lock and turn the
KEY. Sol"
But the key didn't quite turn, and Mr..
Spoopendyke hit the hasp with the side
OF his fist and tried it again.
"Don't it work ?" asked Mrs. Spoop-
cndyke, watching the proceeding with
considerable interest.
eth work If you'll let it alone, /" said
Mr.. Spoopendyke, severely, and he
raised the lid, dropped it again, pounded
the hasp, and wrenchcd at the key with
all his strength. "Stand back and give
me room, can't you!" he growled, :as he
pressed down on the cover and gave the
key quick twists in 4 vain effort to catch
the lock unawares.
"Why don't you rest your weight on
it and let me lock it?" asked Mrs. Spoo.
pendyke, fluttcring around her husband
and wondering ii he was thoroughly
aware that his plug hat was Immediately
under the lid.
"Have you got the time to keep away
from this thing, and let me work it9'
demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke, contcm-
plating his wife with Spartan express
sion OF visage. "'Spose I can do any
thing with you sitting on my elbow? If
you'll go down cellar for a minute III
lock this trunk" and Mr.. Spoopcndyke
banged away at the hasp and breathcd
hard. But his hest efforts could only
turn the key half way.
ooh! ain's glad you couldn't lock
it," exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke, anx-
ious to stay her husbands growing
wrath. ~ forgot to put in your walk
ing.cane."
"Dod.gast the camel" spu:tered MIR.
Spoopcndyke. "'Spose it's going to
! lock any easier with . dod-gasted walk
ing.canc sticking out at one end? Who
says l can't lock it? What's the reason
can't lock it?" and he stood off and
fetched the hasp tremendous kick.
"Anything else you've forgotten to put
in?" and hesprang on the lid and tugged
at the key with his head thrown back
and his teeth set. ''Got q couple of
mirrors you want in here? Any china
around the house that wants a ride in
this trunk? Want to put in that dod-
gasted ass on the top floor who tries to
play the fiddler" and he Topped off on
the floor and banged at the hssp again.
I "Let me sit on it," suggested Mrs.
Spooperdyke, climbing up without
waiting for q response. "Now try it,"
Mr.. Spoopendyke fumbled around and
worked at the hasp and key, but fruit
lcssly.
"Can't ye sit any harder than that?"
he. yelled, rs the key stuck and wouldn't
turn either way. "'Fraid of breaking
the nleasly thing? Press down, can't
YEP"
Mrs. Spoopendyke squirmed around
and said, ''now, dear, and then looked
over to see how he was getting on, but
still the lock was obdurate.
"Dod-gast the measly trunk" howled
Mr.. Spoopendyke, firing the key out the
window and giving the trunk farewell
Kick. "lfyou want it locked you get a
blacksmith and steam derrick" and
Mr.. Spoopendyke threw himself into q
chair and pretended to bury himself in
his paper.
~ don't know how we're ever going
to get it open," said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
after q long silence.
"Get what open!" growled the hus.
band. '
"The trunk. Now remember, it's
gotta spring lock, and when you took
the key out it locked itself. l don't SUP.
pose we can ever find tho key"
"That's it," yelled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "You know all about it, now!
Why didn't you tell me it was spring
f0r?'
~ forgot, "whimpered Mrs. poopen.
dyke, but it will be all right. I can
open it,
"Oh, you can open it," snorted Mr..
Spoopeadyke. "You're an opener! All
you want is to be sharpened on both
sides to be an oyster-knife! With dark
lantern and 4 skull.cap you'd make q
full set of burglars tools. Oh. YES.
you'll open it! II you had loose han.
die and one corner kicked of, you'd get
rich as q screw .driver!" and Mr..
Spoopendyke tore out of the house to
see If he could borrow something to pry
open the unfortunate trunk.
THAT gives me time to pack the
valise," murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke,
"and, as I've got another KEY to the
trunk, we'll do pretty we'll after ALL"
and the worthy lady began to Jam nipht-
shirts and hair-oil into the baes. togeth.
or with sandwiches and tooth.brushes.
wondering betimes whether Mr.. Spoop.
endyke's silk hat had been 30 badly
smashed that it wouldn't do to 20 fish.
ing in on rainy days, even if it did not
look well enough for church, Broohlyn
Eagle.
The Biggest Fool In. America.
'sHenry White, why do you weep!'
was the query directed at q tail, wasp
wasted young man who held q hand
kerchlef to bis eyes as he came into
court. ..