The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
WIT AND HUM0R.
Sic transit-An ambulance wagon.


A TIGHT fit-Delirium tremens.
EVERY mans house is his castle. but
every man can't be King of Ashantee.
ONE is seal ring and the other is a
real sing. Eh?. Sure enough. What
was the conundrum? sIa SIX
A YOUNG man described taxidermist
to bevy of young girls as one who sort
o upholsters animals he took the
cake. .eA
The difference between the Fenian
leader and an advance agent is that on
is Head Center, while the other is sent
ahead.
NEVER address your conversation to a
person engaged in footing up column
of figures. There's nothing so deaf as
an adder.
AN hishman who was found guilty Of
stealing lot of coffee was asked by the
magistrate what he did with it. Made
tay with it, was the Hrbernian's reply.
You've lady, examining some bridal
yeils-' Can you really recommend this
one ?" Over jealous shopman-" Oh,
yes, miss 1t may be used several
times" ~,
I'm afraid the bed is not long enough
for you," said the landlord to a seven
Ioot guest Never mind, he replied;
"I'n add two more feet to it when /
get in. -ss
CIVIL you name the bones of the
head ?" said a teacher to one. of his
class. GIVE got 'em all in my head,
teacher, replied the pupil, "but l can't
give 'em away. So ~ es e Sect
I'LL take your arm, Miss Ida, please, r-.e-
Good faith I've need TO cling TO-"
'Good faith, indeedl" said she, !" but, then,
My arm Is not the thing to
Inn art you that" Responded be, ~ -
With lips that meier denied her,
80 Good faith is bona hde, girl,
l.9 And this is boue Of Ida" s.. sif
We are constantly told that "the
evening wore on"-but what the even
ing wore on such occasions we are not
informed. Was it the close of sum-
mer's day?
WHY is thief your only true phi
losopher? Because he regards every
thing from an abstract point of view, is
opposed to all notions of protection,
and is open to conviction. ~
THIS is little eoeducational scene:
Professor "Who will see Mr.. B. before
next Monday ?" Lady student, hesitat-
ing and blushing little more =" shall
see him Sunday night, probably"
The Philadelphia NeaVS man is per-
son of experience. He says: "a Boston
man has invented new word-' Astron-
ometeorology.' 1t means what man
sees when he suddenly runs against
lamp-post." iz.-.s-
A YOUNG man in the "Answers to
Correspondents column in New York
paper asks +" How can 1 gain a copioris
command of language?" We would
suggest that he try sitting down on a
ack.-LOtiSUilte COurier-JOuynaL
"CoURTEsY opens many DOORS" says
the old adage. "This may be true, as
far as it goes, says a commentator; shut
you might stand before bank-building
and courtesy till you spinal column was
as timber as an old postagestamp, yet
the doors wouldn't swing back on their
hinges worth a cent. ~. ls.e
A CLERGYMAN, being annoyed by some
of his audience going out while he was
preaching, took for his text, "Thou art
weighed, and found wanting" Soon
after commencing his discourse, he said,
"You will please pass out as fast as YOU
are weighed"
He was 70 and she was Is, and they
were on their wedding tour. He pointed
out to her the beautiful scenery, and
said: eve may have many anniver-
saries of this season." Yes" she
answered, "you will probably live long
enough to have tin wedding"