Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-06-22
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE.

81 3 cent stamps" is what the
young lady said when she came up to the
stamp window.-Puck.
ONE way to make money is to take a.
haf-pound trout, FILL it up with shot and
then bet it weighs pound and half
Boston Post
A GENTLEMAN who is staying at Hot
Springs, Ark, writes his wife that the
place is SO much like home. It's so easy
to got into hot water Glasgow Times.
A RAINBOW is the emblem of hope, and
the Scotch lassie said her beau was her
hope; because, you see, it was her "ain''
BEAU
"Please send me two pairs of chilled
steel pants and boiler-iron shirt at once.
I am thinking of taking a drive next
week. "-7he Car.
"JoHN," said Dean Ramsay, "I'm
sure ye ken that O rollin' stone gathers
nae morse?' cay" reloined John,
"that's true, but can We tell me what
guide the morse does to the stone ?"
"WHATis the moon good for?" asked
Professor Miller, what are it's princi-
pal uses?' And the smart bad boy
looked up from the foot Of the class and
said: "To rest the gas companies"
TIcKERos1s" is said to be the name
invented by a physician for nervous
prostration caused by close attention to
exciting fluctuations of the stock mar
ket.
We do not advise any fellow to be
born in June If he can help it. Fellows
born in June never make any money.
Such at least has been our experience
Nycuna advertiser.
81 HEAR you have broken ground for
your new house." said Stilphin; So is that
sop "No," replied Henderson rueful-
ly. st is I who am broken, not the
ground. I shan't build any houses just
at present"
"THIs is the leafy month of June
murmured the little moth, and then she
dropped 500 eggs on the back of the
foliage, adding, sarcastically: 81 should
CATERPILLAR -LouisU5Ue Courier-Jour-
nal.
A Texas man was stung by a hornet
twenty years ago, and the same instant
struck dumb. A few days ago his speech
was restored, and his first words were
oaths. Texas men must have good men,
ories.-BOSton Post.
''THEY do not die on the premises, % is
the recommendation given for a patent
rat poison. It makes the rats feel so
bad that they go away and die at the
house of a neighbor. There is nothing
like tn O. Picaya1ae.
A New YORK doctor says that "ten
dishes of clam chowder ought to kill the
strongest man living" Ten drinks of
cheap whisky ought to have the same
effect, but unfortunately it doesn' t.
Norr5stOaUn Herald.
CAPT. BoaARDUs' feat of breaking 500
glass balls i'll twenty-five minutes and
fifteen seconds has been. excelled by
Philadelphia man, who was carrying a
basket of glass balls to shooting range
and stepped on banana peel.-Phal0-
delao1taa NeaOs.
WHAT'S your favorite hymn % whis-
pered the priest to the culprit, as the
sheriff was fixing the moose around his
neck. cit wasn't no him that brought
me to this" sadly remarked the con-
demned; "it was her. "-BrOOkiy7a
Eagle.
A GooD-LooKING old German, with
long hair, sat down, or rather up, on
the BARRIERS chair, and was asked whether
he would have his hair shingled. He
replied: Mein Colt, no! I want some
hair koot off. Wy woot you put yum
shingles on it pecause?"
MUMBLE-JUMBLE: Visitor-"Is Mrs.
Brown at homer" Plumbs, the new
footman, who speaks rather indistinctly
eyes, sir, but she's dining Visitor
-''Dying! Why, what's she dying of ?"
Plumbs- "Boiled mutton and caper
sauce, sir. '-Londoaa Judy.
ARrFU1.-S 81 had such horrid
dream last night, dearest. Whatever do
you think it was ?" He: "Don't know,
my love, I'm sure" She: "Why,
dearest, I dreamt that you were not go
ing to take me to the boat race this
year. Just fancy" Judy.
A NURSE in the Luxembourg garden
the other day carried pair of twins on
each arm. "That must fatigue you,'
remarked compassionate bystander.
ooh, no monsieur" replied the good
nurse, "when am little tired change
the children from one arm to the other.
A JoURNEYMAN file-maker in Hoboken
died recently, and on examination it was
found that his lungs were coated with
iron filings. Almost simultaneously
newspaper man out west died, and at the
post naortena an entire newspaper was
found in his left lung. It was said to
have been remarkably well edited too
all stealings.
THERE is good deal of true nobility
in children, after all. $40" had acct
dentally pounded new bump on the
head of ebert" with baseball bat.
"I'll tell you what, Bert, said he, "Tm
going to have show IN my woodshed
Saturday, and you eau come in free.
The other fellers will have to pay
three pins. You've no idea how that
reduced the swelling. -NeaO Haven
Register.
MUSICAL ''Are you fond of Wagner's
works?' asked Mr.. Sharpe. "Fond OF
them!" exclaimed Miss Posigush, !"
think they are just splendid So easy