The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1881-06-01
THE PRESS.
The Tables Turned.
A Hickman Who Understands the Rules
of Tariff.
Virginia. New Chronicle

Virginia, (NeV,) CnroIlcleJ
A communistic person identified with the
dangerous classes of the Comstock and notori-
GUS for his disregard of truth and contempt for
vested rights, has just returned from visit to
San Francisco. This morning he endanger ed
the good name of the Chronicle by entering
its editorial rooms. The nihilist declared that
lac had ga good thing on Stanford and Steve
Gage" but he supposed the Chronicle, like
the rest of the corrupt and time-serving press,
would be afraid to publish it.
Tell your story said the editor with dig
nifty, and gazing enquiringly at the boot of
the socialist, which was resting upon the ed
itorial table. Tho boot remaiued there, how
ever, while the following ridiculous story was
delivered:
It's fine weather at the bay, and everybody
who can afford it takes spin occasionally out
of til" dust and heat. Last Saturday Stanford
and Gage were walking along Kearney street,
Governor took off his hat, wiped his brow, and
remarked:
'Steve, it's too hot for anything. What do
you say TO breath of fresh air?"
Have we time?" inquired Mr.. Gage, pull
ing out his watch. So did the Governor, who
replied:
There isn't anything very pressing for a
couple of hours, guess, and we may as we'll
take spin out to the park 1t isn't worth
while to have out my horses. Let's take a
get there. It'll be better than riding around
the drives"
So they got into coupe and were driven
out to the Golden Gate Park. AT the entrance
the Governor and Gage alightsd.
a. What's the fare?" asked the Governor
The driver n retirad nriZa fiphtar ranliad 4.
only SIS, Guv'nur"
WHAT" yelled Stanford and Gage in the
same breath.
Fifteen dollars" repeated cabby, unbut-
toning his coat and splitting on his hands
but, my good man." protested the Cover.
nor, "such charge is exorbitant Tho law
confines you to certain price for your serv-
ices, and you can be arrested and punished for
violation of the ordinance"
Hang the law" growled cabby. 'sMy
money bought and paid for these hack an, hos.
ses, an the essence of ownership is control"
''Hem" coughed the Governor, looking
silly at Steve, who began to grin. ''That's ali
well enough when applied to my railroads
but-but-er- now, if you charge us SIS to
bring us up to the park, what on earth would
you charge us to the Cliff House?"
Five dollarsP
From here?"
"No; from the city,"
"But it's twice the distance!''
"Yes but it's competitive point SIS tc
the park, So to the Cliff. No hoggin' about
it. Through rate to the Cliff, local rate back
TO park added-just as you fellows do when
you charge $500 for drawing a car load of stuff
from New York to Frisco, and make it $500
if you drop the car at Elko, about 500 miles
nearer New York"
1t was Steve's turn to cough and the Gov
ernor's to grin.
"Wen," said the Governor with sigh
"take us to the Cliff"
AT fba Cliff fho
en- drank their beer and smoked cigar, and
listened to the barking of the seals, and filled
their lungs with sea-breeze. Suddenly Steve
clarped himself on the leg and cried out
by Jove! Governor, l forgot that lot Of
coal of Smiths that the Sheriff has to sell al
chance to save at least 81, 900 will be gone"
GOOD heavens! cried the Governo
snatching out his watch, 'let's hurry back a
once. Driver? Oh driyer!'
leaning over the balcony parapet within ear
shot, "here SIR"
eve want to return to town Immediately,
cried Mr.. Gage.
"Ya-as, s'pose so," said cabby, slowl,
chewing e IS stray ray but IN take my pay in ad
The Governor growled something between
his teeth and rendered S..
"'Taint enough" said cabby contempt
uously.
SIN heavens name, how far will your ex
tortion go?" snorted the Governor, '.Hov
much do you want?"
Five hundred MORE" calmly replied til,
hackman.
Hey" shrieked Steve and the Governor.
Five hundred, IAN not cent less," re
peated cabby.
How, sir-er- damme, sir! how do you dar,
ask such price for driving two gentlemen
four or five miles?" sputtered the Governor,
81 bases my charge on what the traffic viii
BEAR" replied the hickman with grin. 81
taters is sellin' in Los Angeles for 80 cents
bushel, and at SO bushel at Tucson, you fel
lers charge the poor devil of rancher $3.50
bushel to pack his taters to Tucson, and COB
bic all the profit. Now, 1 amt as hoggish az
that. L heard Mr. Gage say if he could ge
into town by o'clock he could make $1,000
As there amt no other hack here, I'm a
good monopoly for this wunst as any blasted
railroad on earth; but amt so greedy. dom
want all you can make by usin' my hack. Tn
willin' to get along with half
With dismal groan the Governor ani
steve emptied their pockets and counted ou
tie money.
NOW see here" said cabby, as he closed thu
door of the hack on his victims, "Tve done
for wunst what you ROSTERS do day in and day
yer millions by it. 1 happen to be able to GIVE
you dose Of your own medicine for wunst
an don't want you to do no kickin'. I know
you kin send me to jail for runnin' my bust
ness on your principles, but if yer jails me II
have yer blood when get out, an don't yel
forgit it,
Hereupon the hackman clapped the door t,
with bang, and climbing to his seat, drove
at rafting pace to the place where the Sher
iii was about to sell out poor Smith. Smitl
was coal dealer who didn't have special rates
When the nihilist had tini shed this absur,
and libelious tale he took his foot off the edi
torial desk, laughed hoarsey and departed fo
the nearest saloon