Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1881-05-26
No. 28
ALL SORTS.

Three periods of life Youth, mumpS: mid
die age, bumps; old age, dumps.
Il babe,' says disciple of Upper, is -
mothers anchor And therefore the mother
is the anchors spanker.'
We don't just see why Il woman should
like her mirror better than q man, for he
will tiatter her and the mirror wont.
4 Washington lady with Il long sealskin
sack is bound to snub Il lady wearing short
one, and the only way the latter can get
even is to show her small feet
An Irish clerk, who was showed up in
train burning a heavy Storm last winter, tele-
graphed to his employers next morning as
follows: Il shall not be at the Office to-day,
as have not got home yesterday yet
My SON. said an American father" how
could you marry an Irish girl?' Why father"
said the son, I'm not able to keep two women
and if I'd married Yankee girl, I'd had to
hire an Irish girl to take care of her"
| DIR. Robert S. Ives practiced medicine in
New Haven, Conn. more than 100 years
ago, and his son. grandson aud great grandson,
nephew and granddaughter have all followed
the same profession in the same city, bringing
the record down to the present day without
interruption.
To his fond father who has asked him
where he is in his class now-"Oh pa, I've got
Il much better place than had last quarter
Indeed: Well where are you?' I'm Four
teenth." Fourteenth, you little lazybones
You were eight last term DO you call that
!; better place. Yes, sir: it's nearer the stove.
The young man who hammers his thumb
nail this spring while putting down carpets,
OF who is violently caught under the chin by
a clothes-lines when he goes out in the yard
after dusk, should remember that in the re-
vised edition OF the New Testament the
words have been changed to ''hades'' and
! "cOndemnation."-Chic
An elderly lady, who was very indulgent
at the conduct OF IL man in Galveston street
car who was smoking, punched the driver
in the back with her umbrella, and asked,
Driver, amt it agin the rules to smoke in
this car q "YOu can smoke as much as you
please if the gentlmen don't object" was the
reponse. Then she rang the bell and got out
AS many persons at this season lay new
carpets, it would be we'll for them to bear in
mind that gaudy, bright-hued carpets are Il
complete mistake, as are also large, geometric
or spotty patterns 4 carpet is background
toall colors in a room, and it is only by taking
care that the carpet is subdued in tone and
the color well blended that any too positive
\ teacher in Sunday school wishing to
impress his class with the necessity of faith,
asked the class why did Moses lift up the
serpent in the wilderness, None OF the class
knew, except one. He said Moses lifted it
up because he knew it couldnt bite. 1t was
the same youth who said the Jews made a
golden calf because they didn't have enough
gold to make whole cow
This advice given to mothers who take
their children to be photographed in the cir
cular OF an English Photographer, is sensible,
although he does call himsclfan artist: Say
nothing to the child about how it is to sit
stand, look Or behaye-about sitting still BE
content to bring the child and leave the man.
agement to the artist. Daily experience has
taught him what is most certain to ensure
graceful and pleasing result
The game of whist is made the subject OF
an editorial article in the Boston Post, which
says referring to people who object to whist
on ethical grounds: They would be puz-
zled to give an analysis of the evil that at
taches to the game; but they are all the
more sure that it exists, because they can
not tell in what it consists Whist stimu-
lates no unworthy ambition and brings into
action no qualities of the mind that ought to
be repressed.'
More than twenty years ago Judge Amy
sunk a well at Rolinas. Happening to have
three or four large oak oil casts at the time,
he knocked in the heads burned out the oil,
and set them in well one above another. and,
strange to say, they are all turned to solid
stone and are as perfect to-day as when they
We're put in the we'll The top cask is about
two feet below the surface, and curb of
common boards is set over the well, running
down to meet the casks. Several of these
curbs have rotted away and been replaced,
but the oak casks appear likely to stand for
ever. Is there here hint for we'll builders,
Or are the causes of petrifaction local?