The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1881-06-18
SUNDAY SraIL.ES


Tailors are taking measures to enlarge
their business.
The hair dresser hopes his heirs will never
DO able to say HE dyed peor"
Chang, the Chinese giant, is not lew, per,
haps, but no lies longer in bed than any
other man in this couu,ry.
You cannot cultivate a mans scquaint-
ance by continually narrowing bis feelings.
When actors get angry with one another,
they generally make up before the next per.
formsnce.
A Cincinnati woman knocked her hus-
oand senseess with u copy of the Bible.
Ihe old version is good and strong yet.
Late events have proved that Mr.. Oonk.
ing Is arepubllcan only when he is vaccn.
ated with custom house virus.
A Philadelphia millionaire pursuaded his
sens 10 study law, and then, SO that they
would be sure to get possession of all his
property, wllled it TO some one else.
Health is wealth." says a patent medicine
advertisement. You are wrong, respected
sir, II health were more universal, to YOU
it would be bankruptcy.
A subscriber asks if we can recommend a
cheap aud popular watering place Certain
y; Just let us kn~w where 1t is and we'll rec
cmmend it. That's the kind we approve of.
The following bit of Paris gossip WAS in a
letter from young American to his fat heI:
"a Il the theatres and many of tho churches
COW open every Sunday, in this city,"
| Ns regards this matter of pensions to gov
nent clerks. II seems 10 US that Gtter a
has been writing for thirty or forty yasrs
us natural that he should be pen shuI ntr.
81 believe the jury have been inoculated
for stupidity" ssid the tssty lawyer. That
may be-" replied his opponent, "but the bar
ana the courtsro If the opnloE that you had
1t in the ma ural way"
The inmates of Canadian insane asylum
were taken to circus. The only melsn,
choiy result was that they wept because the
clowns were at liberty while they were kept
cobfioej.
A lady in Wisconsin, prepared surprise
for her husband, snd conf lently told a few
of her lady friends tina. she had got for him
a nice box of cigars. "George," she says,
ALWAYS nays Sl7 for his, and I've got these
Law Professionalism constitutes burg.
lazy ~ Sudent-"rhero must be breaI
ing" Professor if u man enters
your door and t-kes five dollars from your
vest pocket in hall, would that be burglary?"
Student-"Yes, sir, because thu. wouli break
me-"
A gentleman from Indiana recently regis.
tered in IN Illinois hotel and loolei ut the
prioted notice in his bedroom, "Pl a.e do not
blow out the gas" The occupant of the
adjoining room heard him remark, pay nv
money and I'm s Ing to blow out the gas if
want to-"
The severe cold winter injured the peach
crop to considerable extent, but the Weld
OF hitherto unpublished letters of l. I'D
BYRON promises TO be as lsrg as ever this
year. Some apprehension il felt, however,
for the crop of L.ial cites gold watch Only
two OF it have been rescued from the clutches
OF pa"nbr"kers since the year opened
We do not believe the Story that Roscoe
Conkling wrote to his tailor: II want a new
SUIT of clothes. Hsvn't time to be measured.
Go to art gallery and measure the statue
of Apollo Belvldere and make u suit by
that measurmeDt" We don't believe it, for
we don't believe that Roscoe would admit
that the statue would come anywhere near
his form ia perfection.