The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1881-05-12
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Humorous.

''Ia that cheese rich? asked B of his
grocer. Yes" was the honest an
sTer, "there's millions in it.
Senator Conkling has for years been
accustomed to speak Of the late Presi-
dent as Rather-fraud B. Hayes,
josh Billings says: '.If I wuz goin'
to sing psalms over a ded mewl,
would allwuss stand at his he'd"
Smithers believes iu unlucky num-
bers. For instance, he says its un-
lucky to have thirteen persons at table
when there is only dinner enough for
ten.
A number of cities are about to
adopt the electric lights, so that people
can see where the city gas lamps are at
night New Orleans Picayune.
"Will you oblige me with a Iight?"
said one gentleman. Sir" said the
other gentleman Indignantly, edo you
take me for a torchlight procession?"
When a member, in the course of a
long speech, called fora glass of water,
another member sitting near exclaimed
soto rooe to his neighbors: This IS
contrary TO all the laws of mechanics
Windmill running by wuter!'
An elderly lady who was very indig-
nqnt at the conduct of man in a
Galveston street ear who was smoking,
punched the driver in the back with
her umbrella, and asked; Driver,
amt it agin the rules to smoke in this
carr You can smoke as much as
you please, madam, if the gentlemen
don't object" was the response. Then
she rang the bell and got OUT \. o.
Picayune.
Neuralgia" is the charming name
borne by a charming girl. Her mother
found it on a medicine bottle, and WAS
captivated with its sweetness.
The Philadelphia Herald asks, ap-
prehensivoly: "What viii be left OF
Delaware after she runs q canal
through herself" The proposition
savors of suicide.
Hello! when did you return?' in
quired Snopson Of his friend Binus,
whom he met on the street. "Why,
I haven't been away" replied the
latter. "You haven't?" incredulously
asked Snopson. "Why, you look so
worn out and near dead that I posi-
lively thought you had been away for
a few weeks for the benefit of your
health"
1t was a talkative Englishman who
was Dragging of what superior things
they had in the ''hold country" to
everything here, and it was a serious
faced Yankee who said, "Well, l will
allow that there Is one thing in Eng
land better than we find here-there
is 4 much better class Of Englishmen
there" 1t took the Englishman half
4 day to discover that the remark
didn't convey personal compliment.
A Voice from the Waste Paper Bas-
ket.-Cynical and Waggish Friend
to editor): - suppose you often get
good things sent you?" Editor Gn-
cautiously: Occasionally" Cynical
Wag; "Ah! but they meyer appear +"
CChuckles). Editor: $50 disappointed
contributors always tell me" exit
separately.
\ very neat definition Of the word
suspicion" was given by a jealous
husband: "A suspicion is a feeling
that impels you to find out something
that you don't want to know"
Teacher On high school at -):
Are pro and con synonymous Drop
posite terms?" Scholar: Opposite. ="
Teacher: "Give an example" Scholar;
Progress and Congress.
An infdel said sarcasticalIy to a
clergyman: II always spend Sunday
in settling nay accounts. The rever-
end gentleman did not wither rs ex-
pected, but simply replied: And you
viii probably spend the day of judg-
ment in the same way"
The Russian noble, Iotwisli, has
retired for the season. He has been
succeeded by the German Count,
Eiscolager.
How did you like the new minister2??''
was asked a Sabbath or two since, Of a
little fellow. 81 didn't like him; It
took him too long to get to the Lsrd's
Prayer" \ doctor Of divinity could
not have put it more terscly, or criti-
cised more apply.
Mother sent me-, said little girl
to q neighbor, "to ask you to come
and take tea with her this evening" F."
Did she gay at what time, my dear27
mo, ma'am; She only said she would
ask you, and then the thing would be
of her mind-that was all she said. >
After listening to tht various Ills to
which people we're exposed-bruuchitis
in Flor;daSFeIlow fever il New Or