Brenham weekly banner. [volume] (Brenham, Tex.) 1877-1907, 1881-02-03
"REMINISCENCES OF SOUTHERN Pull
PIT ELOQUENCE

| qua, and head sermon which | have new
er been able TO forget or describe. AT the
earnest solicitation of friends, have at
tempted several times to write it. But it
cannot be put on paper. The main force
of it was in the shifting and splitting and
groaning and hound-after-a-for sort Of yelp
and whine, to which no pen can do Justice.
1t must be intoned to be appreciated. /
have preached it 4 thousand times for
amusement of friends, and have been sat-
isfied with my effort. l have used 1t as a
remedial agent in exercising the demons Of
| hypochondria, and have never failed 'sto
send them down to steep place in the sea,
or somewhere else, to the great relief of
the sufferer
f, The speaker has Just been licensed and
il was his first sermon. In person he was
plexion, and his countenance was indica-
tive OF sincerity and honesty.
His remarks evinced great reverapce for
the works Of God as manifestedin zoology
and natural history, and was taking up
the bible in regular order for the FIRST time
in his ife.'' He had gotten rs far as the
history of Noah. he Ark, and the Flood,
etc. Besides 'just before his conversion
he had been reading Goldsmith'S 'Anima-
ted Mater and the two together. by the
aid and assistance of the sperit had led
him into powerful train of thinking as he
stood at his workbench day in and day
out" But whatever his sermon may have
| been, 1t was his own. The text was As
il was in the days Of Noah, so shall the
coming of the son ofmanbe." Aftercom-
menting upon that portion of Genesis de-
scripiive Of the Flood, he ''waimed up
and broke outin the following strains:
''Yes, my bretheren, the heavens OF the
windows are opened-ah, and the floods Of
the great deep kivered the waters-ah and
there was Shem and there was Ham, and
there was Japhet-ah, all a-gwine into the
Ark-ah. FFrs Eff ~
''And there was the elephant-ah, that
great animal-ah, of which Goldsmith
| describes in his Animated Natur'-ah what
is as big as house-ah, and his bones as
big as a tree-ah, depending somewhat on
the size OF the tree-ah, all a.gwine into
the Ark-ah. And the heavens Of the win
dows were opened, and the floods OF the
great deep kivered the waters-ah; and
there was Shem, and there was Ham, and
there was Japhet-ah, all a-gwine into the
| Arl-ah. -s- 80, "a
''There was the hippopotamus-ah, the
great animal-ah, ofwhich Goldsmith de
scibes in his Animated Natur' -ah, which
has a great horn-ah stickin' right
straightup out of his forword-ah six feet
long, more orless-ah, depending somewhat
on the length ofit-ah, a-l-la-gwine intothe
Arll-ah.
.And there was the giraffe-ah, my breth-
eren-ah, that ill-contrived reptile Of which
Goldsmith describes in his Animated Ma
-ur'- ah whose forelegs is twenty-five feet
long-ah, more or less-ahs depending some
what on the length of 'em-ah, and neck
so long be can eat hay offthe top Of a barn.
ali, depending somewhat on the hithe OF
the barn-ah,, all a-gwine in the Ark-ah.
And the heavens OF the window was open
ed-ah, and the foods Of the great deep Xiv
cred the waters-ah; and there was Ham,
and there was Shem, and there was Japhet-
ali, all a-gwine into the Ark-ah.
'.And there was the zebra-ah, my breth- |
eren-ah, that b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l animal of |
which Goldsmith describes in his 'Anima-
ted Nater'-ah, what has three hundred |
stripes a-rurnin' right straight around Its |
body-ah, more or less-ah, depending some
what on the number of stupes-ah, and nary
two stripes alike-ah, all a-gwine into the
Ark-ah.
s'And there was the anacondor-ah, the
great sarpirt of which Goldsmith de
scribes in his animated Natur'-ah,, what
can swallow six oxen at meal-ah, provid-
ed his appetite don't call for less-ah all
a-gwine in the Ark-ah. And the heavens
of the windows was opened-ah. and the
floods of the great deep kivered the waters
all; and there was Shem, and there was
Ham and there was Japhet-ah, all a-gwine
into the Ark-ah.
Sand there was the lion-ah, bretheren-ah
what is the king of beasts-ah, accordin' to
the Scripter-ah, and who, as St. Paul says
ali, prowls around of night like roarin'
devil-ah, seekin' if he can't catch some
body-ah, all a-gwine into the Ark-sh.
Sand there was the antelope-ah, my
bretheren-ah, that risky little critter-ah,
Of which Goldsmith describes in his Ami
matur-ah, what can jump seveny-fve
feet straight up-ah, and twice that distance
down-ah, provided his legs take him that
iur ali, all a-gwine into the Ark-ah. And
the heavens Of the windows was opened
al and the floods of the great deep kivered
he waters-ah; and there was Shem, and
here was Ham, and there was Japhet-ah,
all a-gwine into the Ark-ab-
Just at this point he stopped speaking Z
lew moments, wiped his forehead, turned
back his wristbands. ran his fingers through
MS hair, spit and rubbed his foot in it,
frank little water, commenced on low ,
Key, and proceeded as follows: ,
''But time would fail me, my bretheren-
III, 10 describe all the animals that went I
INTO the Ark-ah. Your patience and my
strength would give out before got half
hrough-ah. We talk, my bretheren about
he faith Of Abraham and the patience of
Iob-ah. But it strikes me. they didn't 90
much ahead of old Noer-ah. 1t tuck a
light smart chance o. both 10 geiher up all I
hat gopher-wood and pitch and other truck r
or the craft-ah. But to hammer, and saw
md maui, and split away on that thing !
hundred and twenty years-ah, an looking /
or his pay in anether world-ah,-I tell We, =
ny bretheren, if the Lord had sot Job al
hat, it's my opinion he would a-tuck his /
Slfe's advice inside of fifty years-ah. Be i
ides, no doubt, his righteous soul was !.
-exed every day, hand runnin, with the l
llihy communications of the blasphemous
ct that was always a-loaferin' and a-saun- c
erin around-ah, a-picl<in' up his tools and :,
ZEN, and a-callin' him an old 4
DOL or somethin, worse-ah; and to cap the G
limax, he was preacher, and had that un- I,
oddly gineration on his hands every Sunday Il
h. But the Lord stood by him and seed
i'm through the job-ah; and when every r
hing was done, he didn't send Noer out 10
crimmage and scour and hunt all over the I
ride world for 10 get up the critters and 4
armonts that he wanted saved-ah. They =
Il come 10 his hand OF their own accord, !,
nd Noer only had 10 head en- in and fix y
IN around in their places-ah. Then he {,
altered up his own family, and the Lord :
hut him in, and the heavens of the win ,
ows was opened-ah. n
''But, my bretheren. Nocr-ah had use Y
or patience after this-ah. Think what a !,
me he must a-had a-feetlin' and a-waterin' 0
nd a-cleanin' out after SIGH crowd-ah Y
ONE OF 'em according to Gol,lsmith's AN "
mated Mater -ah,' was carnivorous, and "
'antcd fresh meat-ah; and some was her 4
ivorous, and wanted vegetable food-ah;
nd some was wormiyerous. and swallered
We things whole-ah; and he had to feed
verything accordin' TO his na:er-ak. Hence
c view, my bretheren-ah, as the aatur of
lie animals wasn't altered by goin' into the a
rk-ah, some of iem would roar, and howl,
nd bark, and bray, and squeal, and blate, L
lie whole indurin' night-ah, a-driyin' sleep e
ON his eye lits-ah; and at the first streak +,
daylight the last hoof of 'em set up a
Dise acccrdin' to its nater-ah, and the bulls c
Bashan wern't no whaT-ah. Pve often ri
ordered how their women stood it. Scrip i,
T is silent on this pint-ah; but, l think Il
now of some that would a-been vapory "
II nervous under such circumsianceS-ah. A.
ID IN an onguaTdcd moment might a-said :,
imelhing besides their prayerS-ah. II
Here the speaker stopped again, spit, p
ok water. etc, and fastened TO a conclu- Al
N.
my breiheren,s said he zone more word P,
7 old Noer-ah, and viii draw toa close
j. Alter the ouiheain' time he had, frst
: 8 : : = :