Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-02-11
Hawk Eyetems.

o' LauSu OtbitT tuSTaNeu tutu INC gov
ernnent's that we wonder the Treasury
department doesn't destroy the genuine
aid use the counterfeit plates.
Thrifty people in Texas. They
sheared their sheep so close that hun
dre}s of them fir ze to death. This will
teach the Texas herders that it is poor
economy to shear a sheep oftener than
four times week.
Aud so Josh Hart, publisher of the
T"th, has brought suit for libel against
George Alfred Townsend. 1t will he
very interesting indeed, to learn what
any body could say about Truth tina:
could be considered libslous.
A boy in st. Louis fell on rail. ran
it into his head, let out some of his
brains and is getting well. But he
was drawn iron to death before he got
the nail out. You want to hit the nail
on the head of course, but on your own
head.
Cana Ia is soriowing over the steady
stream Of immigration from the domin.
Ion to the United States. On, let 'em
come, Mafkiss. Let EN- stream along
ana find good farms and pleasant homes
until there is mob ,dy left for you to
govern but De WiatJn, and we'll buy
him.
Bright Eyes, the Indian maiden, is
still lec,uring in and around Boston,
educating public sentiment in regard
to the removal Of the Ponca Indians.
1t seems TO us the Poncas pile it on u
little strong. Explanations Of this joke
will be furnished at the counter, on
application.
Somehow or other, we have not heard
the warning voice of the ice. man, up to
date, proclainting that the ice crop is u
total failure. Who is there left to
mourn for the ice-man? Not one. AS
Il little offset to this. however, we I'M
derstand that the peach crop of New
Jersey is hcpelessly ruined.
A jury is always doing some unheard-
Of thing. Here the oth2r day jury
was given u recess while the court and
the lawyers decided what case to try
next, and before they had mado up
their minds who they would try, the
jury came creeping in, and said they
had found the man guilty! They were
excused.
The newspapers are wondering who
will take General Sherman's place if he
leaves the army. We don't know who
will, but we know who would like to.
Address with return stamp or call in
person at this office. Same old number.
Climb up stairs till you faint and then
walk along dark hall till you smell
thunder. Enter boldly and ask with
out fear for the military editor. Don't
You dare to bring poeLa with you.
One of the civilizing agencies en-
ployed among the Indians by the pres
ent administration, is the organic ition
of an Indian police force. numbering
over seven hundred men, distributed
among forty agencies. These untutored
savages have taken to police duty 30
naturally that fail grown Indian can
bestride salt barrel and sleep through
a thunder storm, a fire on the next
block and burglar alarm. The interior
department is greatly encouraged.
No, Miss Anthony, woman does not
want the ballot. She wants something
to buy Christmas presents with. And
she shall have it. How much, Caroline?
What ! Dear woman, what on earth
do you want with all that much money?
Here's dollar and eighty cents; be
frugal with it; get me some new hand
kerchiefs and a stick of pomade and
buy some things for the children with
the rest of it. Don't lose the change.
That's what keeps the men Of America
poor, Miss Anthony; domestic liberal.
ity.
Ezra R:dlon, of Woodstock, Maine,
never had physician attend him but
once in Ills life, and he is now ninety
four years old; his wife is living and
they have been married seventy-three
years. Had Mr.. Ridlon refrained from
calling in the physician that one time
he might now have been one hundred
and fifty years old, and married one
hundred and forty-tiv years. But then
man cannot always tell what is tho
best thing to do. Mr.. II. will know better
the next time.
Willard Perkins, Of Waterbury, Con-
necticut, has been recently elected
president OF lodge of Knights Of
Pythias, in his native town. Willard is
not a fragile man, he weighs four hun
bred pounds and when he sits down on
plug hat it goes off like a hand gren-
AIDE. He couldn't use the chair OF the
old president for q foot rest even, and
so the lodge built him new one. 1t
looks like cross between an old fash
toned tavern bench and Fairbank' S
hay scales, and when the president
takes his seat. the audience feel as
though it was in the presence OF the
grand jury.
HaWkeye Chances.