Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1881-11-25
NEWSPAPER WIZ

The youth who "sows wild oats is apt
to mix in more or less tares.-[Gouverneu
Herald.
Casar had his Brutus, Charles /. his
Cromwell, and Tunis, of course, Mustapha
Bey.-[Lowell Citizen.
If George Washington cannot have a
monument, he has pie named for him, and
that is better.-[ New Orleans Picayune.
One of the most pressing needs of Louis
vile is geological garden stocked with
animals that eat cats.-[Courier Journal.
Nine Governors were in Atlanta together
one day last week, and tie folks took par
ticular pains to lock up their hens.-[ Bos.
ton Post.
The politest young man going is a resi-.
dent of this city. He took off his hat to
talk to young lady through the tele-
phone. Il Cincinnati Commercial.
An exchange says: &c Atlanta is the Chi
cago of the South" This is the hardest
blow that Atlanta has received since Gen.
Sherman knocked at her door, Boston
Courier
Ex-President Hayes has been road COM
missioner only three months, and now he
fnds himself without dollar in the treas
ury and twenty.six mud holes in sight
Free Press.
In some of the western cities the papers
pay SO much attention to society matters
that man can't go home sober without
having the incident mentioned. .-TPhila-
delphia News.
Young husbands very seldom allude to
their first baby as birdie" That may do
for the mother during courting time, but
who ever heard of squalling birdie p
[Andrews' Queen.
If the usual autumn arrest of one or
more of the Bender family is not made
pretty soon people will begin to suspect
that Western vigilance is sound asleep
detroit Free Press.
The English are great practical iokers.
Just now they are riding in the ugliess
looking vehicles diabolical ingenuity can
invent, just for the fan of seeing some
Americans try to get theirs made the same
way.-[Philadelphia News.
Had Lord CORVALLIS known that enc
hundred years hence The Americans at
Yorktown were to be charged twenty-five
cents for three. cent cigar, and ten dollars
a day for board, he would have slept better
the night of his surrender. New York
commercial AQVerrlser.
Christmas cards grow larger, more ar
tistic and more expensive. In few years
a young man that has only puple of
hundred dollars to spend during the holi-
days will be undecided whether to buy his
girl Christmas card or gold watch and
CHAIN Norristown Herald.
Canadian newspapers announce that after
a convict bad received certain number of
lashes, "twenty four are due him vet"
They seem to be as merciful over the bor-
der as the Indian who cut off his dogs tail
an inch at time so it wouldn't hurt him
SO bad.-[Pittsburg Telegraph.
Very few people have any idea of the
slowness the Austin street car is capable
of. Only yesterday lady with two
year-old boy got in the car. She paid her
own fare and asked what was the charge
for the infant No charge, madam. We
only charge adults" "Then might as
well pay he will be grown up before he
gets there. I'm going five blocks. > Texas
Siftings.
"And to this day, when the bell in the
castle tolls the hour of miunight, two
CHASTITY figures wander down the lane with
the skating rink glide affected by ghosts,
diu III tu0 euduOW VI tfli5 TOCk Tue tdQY
ghost, on her bended knees, lifts her
clasped hands in the passionate eloquence
of voiceless appeal to the glittering stars,
while her shadowy figure bends above the
PROSTATE phantom stretched before her,
staining the crushed ferns with the crimson
current of life.-[End of Hawkeye Ro-
nance.
A Texas woman is gradually becoming
petrified. Her feet and hands are already
as hard as stone, and when her cheeks
undergo the same metamorphosis she will
be fully competent to enter a newspaper
office, draw a chair up alongside Of the
editor and reel off the following legend :
" l have here an illustrated history of the
Patagonians four full page engravings in
each number to be completed in seventy.
nine parts at fifty cents a part making
three superb volumes worth their weight
in gold which no library should be without
and if you will put your name here at the
head of my list I'll furnish you the first
three numbers gratis and you give me a lit
tie notice in your paper and willyouput-
downyourname ?"-[[ Norristown Herald.
HAMMERS Glyceroie of Tar for coughs and colds is
~ r.. l.