Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-01-05
THE JOLLY DEMOCRAT.

existence, is the ability to extract pleas
ure and satisfaction from circumstances
which bring sorrow and despair to the
average mortal. This was illustrated at
Clarinda, Iowa a few days ago, where the
republicans held grand jollifcation,
over their political triumph. A promi-
nent democrat, who was present, being
importuned to speak, regaled the au-
dience with the following choice bit of
good humor:
"FELLow- CITIZENS: A man usually
attends his own funeral, but it is not ex-.
pected that he should talk great deal.
Laughter. But it takes great deal,
of grace to sustain a man who helps fur
nish the corpse for an occasion like this.
Laughter. Nobody but democrat
could do it. Applause. 1t is certain
that no one save the democrats have had
chance to try it for the last twenty
years Shouts of applause. Disappoint-
ment is the modern democrats birthright,
and mourning his normal condition.
They took out patent on disaster twenty
years ago, and it has never been infring-
ed. The patent run out in 1876, and
they have just got it renewed. Looking
over the landscape of the last twenty
years. behold acres and acres of busted
hopes, cords and cords of disgruntled am
bitions, barrels and barrels of unavailing
tears, oceans and oceans strewn with the
wrecks of phantom ships, once burdened
with democratic delusions. Great ap-
plause. Disappointment is an anchor to
the democratic soul, both sure and stead
fast.
Leaves have their time to fall.
And flowers to wither the North winds breath,
And stars to set but ALL democrat!
Thou hast at all times for thine own DEATH "
might say with Shylock. 'Sufferance
yea suf;er-ance-is the badge of our
tribe ! coulo give you 329 reasons for
this. Laughter A lawyer offered a
Judge sixteen reasons why his client was
not present in court First he was dead.
The Judge told him that he might omit
the other fifteen. The first reason of my
329 is, we lacked the votes. You will al
low me to omit the other 328. Applau
sive consent. But [ should give you
more than 329 reasons. Yes, Morey let
ter John Kelly did it with his little
racket. Great applause. Wade Hamp-
toms mule broke his leg instead of his
neck; and Ben Hill wasn't born mute
English had foreclosed his mortgages and
we couldn't redeem. Then
I" IT'S the South that can supply
Solid comforts when we die
'In some states the greenback party
fell through crack in their platform and
crippled US. Laughter. But demo-
cracy still lives. Great applause. It's
like the mule-it never dies. But unfor-
tunately, like the mule, while it lives it is
| forever throwing it's riders.
'It bucked Greely off and killed him
in 1872. Tilden stuck on till he passed
under the wire. Applause. But there
was SO much daylight between him and
this quadruped the judges counted him
off, although he had his foot in the stir
rups. This year we had splendid send
off and might have won, but the donkey
was stricken down in Indiana with
(g)Landers. Applause. We close this
chapter of history with the hope the story
will not be continued in our next
[Cheers. We accept the defeat the more
cheerfully because of the magnanimous
manner with which you take the victory.
| We take it every four years. 1t is a stand
ing prescription. 1t might we'll be called
the quadrennial ipecac. Groans. 1t
works up before election, and works down
when the returns come in. We thank you
for the magnanimous way in which you
have turned out to our funeral. APP
plause. We congratulate you on the
magnificent and imposing character of
the obsequies. - Here the speakers feel
ings overcame him, and he retired amid
encouraging earthquakes and applausive
avalanches.