The Portland daily press., 1881-01-29
ceased to run upon the pavements, and at

ldSI We Du1upcu dSdl1-cb oOmelllilS tdll
stiff and with light on it, which was not a
lamp-post, but policemanswith his lantern.
Now, my man, said 1, where are we?"
'Ah! that's more than 1 know, SIR he an
swered: Tve given that up as bad job
these two hours: but if you'll wait here III
take a look round with my lantern, and
when l whistles, coachman, you may drive
straight for the sound.'"
Well, we waited for about five minutes and
then there was whistle, and l sang out,
Drive for it, coachman, and pretty sharp
because | knew we were getting late for din,
ner. don't know who whistled, but it was
not the policeman, and instead of it's being
Trafalgar square, it seems it was Waterloo
place; and but for somebody crying out,
Jump, Jumpp and just il time, Julia and
myself would have gone down the steps
along with the carriage and horses''
''But how did you find your way here on
foot?' inquired my wife with intense inter
est.
'.Well Julia and felt our way along Pail
Mall; my club, the Carlton is smoother than
the rest of them, you know, because of its
polished pillars, so we knew when we got
there; then presently we came upon young
person, not with lantern, but, as am a
living sinner, with lighted candle in her
hand"
''Like womanin a parable,' interposed
Mr.. Litton.
''Like no woman that ever saw in my life
sir" continued the colonel with irritation; 81
thought at first she was asleep-walker, but she
proved very wide awake, and showed us (by
her candle) st. James's Palace, which was
great point. The fog was worse there than
ever, but we groped our way up the street,
and presently smelt the Devonshire Club
its smoking-room is on the ground-foor, you
know-which was another landmark; and
SO at last we found YOU"
''But what dreadful experience for you
Mrs. Tiffinp' exclaimed l.
"Oh, Julia is all right" said the colonel
cheerfully. 'sTake another glass of cham
pagne, my dear"
II am not all right nor anything like it,"
murmured Julia, partaking nevertheless of
tremble; [ could never venture out again into
the fog
"Then sleep here, exclaimed my wife good
naturedly; I'VE have one spare bedroom,
which is quite at the service of you and the
Colonel. 1t would be quite charity to oc-
cupy it.''
''Not IT, replied that warrior; ~ am much
obliged to you, but make it rule never to
sleep out of my own bed. Julia may do as
she likes, but if know her, she'll be fright
ened to death to sleep alone"
VClls IO-HSul, COulcsS, SdIuMIS.
"my nerves are in a sadly shattered state
now if could have shake-down in the
nursery along with the dear darling baby"
''Well you must object to sleeping alone, if
you prefer baby for your companion" ex-
claimed the colonel derisively
If my wife had not already made that mis-
take of calculating brute in Litton's case,
she would certainly have done it now in the
ColonePs. As it was, she only expressed
her conviction that no man had really any
heart, and gave that nod of invitation to
Mrs. Tiffin, which is the signal with the
ladies for leaving our worthless sex to them
selves.
Aftera sparring match between the colonel
and his enemy, in which neither seemed to
me to observe the rules of fair play (let alone
politeness), which lasted near half an hour,
we followed themaup stairs.
1t was 12 o'clock, though anything but "a
fine starlight night 1.-THE old watchman's S
favorite addition to their announcement of
the midnight hour), and we found that Mrs.
Tiffin had already retired to rest.
BLESS my soulp' cried the colonel, II
always make a point of being in bed by l, SO
I'll be off, And off he went
Litton had wished my wife goodnight, and
was standin with me in the hall previous
TO his own departure, watching the Colonel
plunge into the fog, which closed in behind
him like water behind the hand.
''He won't be in bed by tonight OBJ
served our facetious friend, unless it
is the bed of the ornamental water
in ST. James's park. The fog seems
worse than ever. Do you know ] re-
ally think I'll take advantage of
your ,wife's kind offer and occupy your spare
bedroom. She said it would be 'quite a
charity"
Charity to childless Colonel of large means
is one thing, and charity to denizen of Bo-
hemia-a mere literary gipsy-is another.
But l did not quite know how to refuse the
man; moreover being utterly unscrupulous,
it was ten to one, if he thought himself ill
treated, that he would 'sput us in a book"
which is the method this class of persons
generally adopt of indulging their private
animosities.
"The spare room, my dear fellow" said l
sis quite at your service.'
''To Think" cried my wife pathetically
when told her what had happned, "that the
man we asked to prevent our being thirteen
at dinner should be sleeping under our very
roofr'
And even that was not the worst of ii.
At about half-past the house was aroused
by terrific battering at the front door, |
opened the window, though of course could
not see an inch before me, to inquire who it
was. 1t was the Colonel, who had never got
out of the street at all, it seemed, but had
been wandering up and down it like blue
bottle fly between two panes of glass.
'If you'll allow me, my good FRIEND" he
said quite humbly, I'll take advantage of your
kind offer of that spare room, after all.'
Then l heard door suddenly locked on
the second floor. and laugh that 1 knew
(ooly more like a demons than ever) ringing
through the house. "My dear Colonel" said
apologetically, 'Litton has got it,
will not repeat the ejaculation which fol-
lowed; as my wife observed through the bed
curtains) man who could swear like that
did not deserve to lay his head upon a pill
low. Nor indeed, did he get pillow He
slept, however, on the sofa in the back din
ing-room; so that though we did not have all
the guests we had invited, those that did
come stayed good deal longer with us than
we expected.