Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1881-01-22
ODDS AND ENDS.

''0h, you be darned," as the Christmas
present said when it slipped through the
hole in the heel OF the hung-up stocking.
When grief comes to an honest man, Q
usually shows clean balance sheet. When
scamp comes to grief he usually shows a
clean pair of heels.
There is said to be great similarity
between a vain young lady and a con
firmed drunkard, in that neither of them
can get enough of the glass.
a medical writer asks: Does position
affect sleep?' Well, rather if you're
hung up by your trousers on a spiked fence
you won't sleep very soundly - Boston
Post.
"They do say" says the Elmira Free
Press, adjusting its eyeglasses carefully,
= that Lord Beaconsfield is making the
Queen longer visit than is proper and,
alter all, they are not so very old"
Lady to her husband, just before the
fifteenth waltz IS commencing, at 2;35 4.
NJ: :" Don't keep looking az your watch,
Algy One would think you were in
church"
a man in jail in Sangamon for marry
ing four wives was recently called upon by
all OF their respective fathers together.
He facetiously called it Four fathers
day Cincinnati Saturday Night,
1t is slightly impudent, to say the least,
in the Yale juniors to boast that their fra
ternity of Psi u is the only civilized branch
of the band of Indians bearing that name.
New Haven Register.
That which the professional poet is
,,1eocal fn COLL dull 70 Abp D1nef
acceptable thing to possess about this time
of year, unless it is loving wife, Yon-
kers Gazstte.
Extract from a letter from Angelina :
"Dear Henry, you ask if l return your
love. Yes, Henry, l have no use for it
and return it with many thanks. By-by,
Henry. u Boston Transcript.
A little Darbytown fve.y esr-ol aston
ished his mother the other day by wishing
himself pudding. She asked him why.
He replied "'Cause | would have lots of
sugar put into me" That youngster may
be President some time hence.
"WeI, WELL said Ellington, males,
tically, "we mustn't be too severe on the
young fellows. l suppose l was as big
fool as any of them when was young"
Yea" replied Fogg, and you are not an
old man now, Billington. - Boston Tran
script.
A Bridgeport carpenter. while in a fit of
anger, threw hammer at q fellow work
man and swallowed screw he had in his
mouth. 1t was an unfortunate affair." but
it was better than throwing the screw and
swallowing the hammer Worcester Ga
zette.
No matter how deep young mans
pocket may be, a colored silk handkerchief
will inevitably float to the top and flop
over, while soiled linen rag will sink to
the bottom like brick thrown in mud
puddle. New York Dispatch.
We met bar-room al beat" with tired
dish" nose, the other evening, and asked
him if he would take nip" He said
he wasn't like a fellow that would "pass-
AMP" go he took it up and went 1t
alone, after which he waited for some one
else to turn up" and ask him to take
something. Toronto Grip.
The American colony in Dresden has
had bazaar, the proceeds of which are to
90 toward building an American church.
The ladies who had stalls were dressed in
costumes mostly as Turks. while one ap-
peared as an Indian. The bazaar was a
great success, and among the visitors was
the Queen of Saxony.
1t was in restaurant the other night
that man was apologizing for the dilapi-
dated state of his napkin. &c Don't men,
ton it, responded the customer, sadly.
81 don't mind the holes in the least. Tat
part of your napkin is always sure to be
clean" And for the next ten minutes
nothing could be heard but the butler
combing his hair out in the pantry.
At the recent dog show held in Birming-
ham, England, panic was caused among
exhibitors by a suspicion that several dogs
on exhibition h,d died from the effects OF
poison. One dog, named Guy, fine
spaniel valued at $500, died, and an analy
Els made by the borough analyst resulted
in the discovery that the animal had been
poisoned with strychnine. The owner
claims $3.50 from the committee of man.
agement.