Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-05-12
Some Amusing BIunders.


We do not know whether the recipe
emit of the following letter felt amused or
enraged on reading it. It was written
by Buckinghamshire farmer to q dis
tinguished scientific agriculturist. to
whom he felt under obligation for intro
ducing q variety Of swine: Respected
Sir:I went yesterday to the fair at
A. / found several pigs of YOUR
species. There was great variety of
beasts; and was greatly astonished at
not seeing you there" We must i'm
agine this to have been written in an off
hand manner, and without much con-
sideration; as also another, by an litter
ate farmer, wishing to enter some ami
mails at an agricultural exhibition, when
he wrote as follows to the secretary of
the society: ssEnter me also for jack
ass. / have no doubt whatever of gain
ing prize"
A very slight stretch of imagination is
required to depict the amazement of
that inquisitive old gentleman, of a
botanical turn of mind, who inquired of
the gardener in one of the public places
of promenade: "Pray, my good man,
can you inform me if this particular
plant belongs to the sArbutus' familyp"
when he received for reply: "No, sir;
it don't; it belongs to the Corpora
toni" This same remark applies to
that ambitious young lady, who was
talking very earnestly about her favorite
authors, when one of the company in
quired if she liked Lamb. With an in
dignant toss of the head, she answered,
that she scared very little about what
she ate, compared with knowledge"
Doubtless the party who put the ques-
ton felt more amused by the answer
than the parish priest did, who, observ-
ing an Irish girl at play on a Sunday,
accosted her with: "Good-morning,
daughter of the Evil One :" when she
meeklyreplied: Woodworking, father. :"
Many an amusing mistake has been
made by people hard of hearing. We
are told that certain Dean of Ely was
once at dinner, when just as the cloth
was removed the subject of discourse
happened to be that of extraordinary
mortality among lawyers. "We have
LOST said gentleman, s'not less than
seven eminent barristers in as many
months" The Dean, who was very
deaf, rose just at the conclusion of these
remarks and gave the company grace:
"For this and every other mercy, make
us devoutly thankful" On another oc-
casion, at a military dinner in Ireland,
the following was on the toast-list:
''May the man who has lost one eye in
the glorious service of his beloved coun-
try never see distress with the other"
But the person whose duty it was to
read the toast accidentally omitted the
important word 'distress," which COM
pletely changed the sentiment aud
caused no end of merriment
Another instance may be quoted, if
only to show how careful people should
be in expressing themselves on public
occasions. A church in South London
had been erected, when dinner was
given, at the conclusion of which the
health of the builder was proposed,
when he rather systematically replied
that he was stmore fitted for the scaffold
than for public speaking"
On the other hand, some mistakes,
although amusing, are not altogether
complimentary. Few, for instance,
would care to indorse an observation
which fell from the lips of gentleman,
after gazing some time at the skeleton
of a donkey, and admiring and wonder
ing at the structure of that despised an
imal "Ah," said he, s. we are fearfully
and wonderfully made.' Equally as
good was that of the ereenhorn who at
a menagerie was particularly interested
in a baboon. Several persons were pres
ent, one of whom expressed the opinion
that it was lower order of the human
species. This so nettled the country
man that he Immediately exclaimed:
"Pooh, pooh! he's no more human
species than we be-"
The late Lord Lansdowne used to re-
late that when, after Turner the paint
er's death, he went to the artists house
on foggy morning, in the hope of get
ting peep of his reserved works, the
old woman in charge, looking up through
the area ratings, took him for the cats
meat man, and bawling up, told him he
"needn't come again, as the cat had
died the day before. ''-CA0aabers's Jour
nal.