The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1881-07-13
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

- NO~-0N~~
Ydlocob StrauSs.
The retired theater star is always an
ex-acting creature.-BOSton Transcript.
Glove lightens labor" as the man
said when he saw his wife doing his
work for him.
When a man applies for a situation
as policeman it is supposed he has
taste for club life.
Sore financial distress-When you
haven't got money enough to buy oint-
ment for o wound.-Neto York Ne10s.
A canal differs from most things in
one respect-it is always filled before il
is opened. -SyrGcuse Eeenimg Herald.
Gate posts should be set out firmly.
A great deal may hinge upon them IS
your girls grow up.-Ne,O Hdee', RegiS-
ter.
Some one has said that parks are tie
breathing g-places of city. No one has
said that parks are the sparkns places
of a city.
"When yesterday I asked you, love,
one little word to say, your brother in
teTupted us; 30 please say yes ter day.
Toronto Grip.
A woman requested her husband not
to associate with a certain man who was
hard drinker. ''Why," he exclaimed,
che my boose'm friend"
An I1ishman, wbJ was found guilty
of stealing coffee, VAS asked by the mag
istrate what he did with it. "Made tsy
with it" was the Hibernian's reply.
An exchange says that "the coming
girl is to be prettier than the kind we
now have" Impossible there can be
no improvement upon the original arti-
Gle.
Wasn't it rough on Ella, Just as she
was telling Frederick, at lunch, how
ethereal her appetite was, to have the
cook bawl out: 'Say, will ye have yer
pork and beans now, on wait till yer fell
ler's gone"
(Which side of the street do you live
on, Mrs. Kipple?" asked counsel,
cross examining witness. "Oh, either
side, sir. If you go one way, it's on the
right side; if you go the other way, it's
on the left.
The best runs for poultry are where
grass and gravel are plentiful. Grass
runs are of great value where they can
be had, but they must be large if fowls
have constant access to them or the
grass will soon cease to grow.
A lawyers brief is very long,
And Mr. White Is black
man is dry when he il green,
Aud when he's tight he's slack.
fire is hot when it is coaled,
lamp is heavy; though it's light
shoe is bought when it is sold,
man can see when out of sight
A London servant girl is represented
as saying "Hard weather, indeed, sir.
wish the Lord would take the weather
in his own hands again, instead of trust
ing it to them Yankee probability men.
We might then get something fit to
live in"
A school. .teacher, discharged for using
the rod too freely applied for employ
ment in q dressmaker's establishment.
"Have you had any experience in sew
ing p asked the dressmaker. ''No," was
the reply, "but / have thorough knowl-
edge of basting. "-SOmerDile Journal
A sleeper is one who sleeps a sleeper
is also place where sleeper can sleep;
and sleeper is, too, thing over which
runs the sleeper in which the sleeper
sleeps; SO that the sleeper in the sleeper
sleeps while the sleeper runs on as we'll
as sometimes leaps off the track.-Wft
and WisdOm
He and she sat in the parlor. They
had been tting there five mortal
hours. He was happy. She was tired.
After a silence of some minutes he
asked if he might sing. She said he
might. Then he lifted up his voice
and began Ever of thee Pm fondly
dreaming" and she forgetfully re
marked to herself, "Why don't he wake
up and go home" He heard it. He,
walked up. Hewent home. He did not
return. She now sits up seven nights
in the week with another young man.
Possibly it is better thus. Who
! knows p ctslf5ea 1ilis Herald,