, 1881-08-28
WIVES FOR A DOLLAR APIECE.

sanctitictl to the growth Of public and private
virtue.
WIVES FOR 4 DOLLAR APIECE.
There is boom in stocks, boom i'll
wheat, boom III corn, and i'll almost every
| description of merchandise transactions are
simply immense. But the market for wives
is depressed, especially i'll New York City.
The only marital transaction Of the week of
which the reporters could get full particu-
lars occurred between ono Lauter and one
Jansen. Lnuter sold his wife, a healthy,
hearty, cheerful woman OF tllirty-two SUM
mers or thereabouts, to Jansen, for dollar.
There seems to have been, previous to the
| negotiation Which resulted in the purchase
and transfer by "bill Of sale" a condition of
| moderate marital infel1city i'll the Lautcr
| household. Lauter entertained 4 suspicion
| that his wife was fond Of Jansen, and called
that gentleman slots of bad names." where
! upon Mrs. Lauter slapped" Mr.. Lauter's
| face, and told him she would do rs she
pleased. Then Lauter *'cooled down."
and, Tin a sort Of snceri1lg way,' in
| tinated that as Mrs. Lauter appeared
to be Of great value to jansen,
lie (Lautcrl would sell her. Jansen
pricked up his ears, SO to speak, and opened
the negotiation on the spot by offering 80
cents. But Lauter was not to be taken
iu.''- Ho saw that Jansen was anxious to
buy, and he cunnlngly concealed his OWN
| desire to SELL doubtless by an appearance Of
| renewed tenderness for the subject Of the
| barter, and cooly demanded a..dollar! Per
Ilaps if Jansen had controlled his emotions
and assumed an air of Indifference his
original offer OF 50 cents might ultimately
| have been accepted. But what lover can
smother the deep feelings OF his heart in tie
| presence of his adoredl
| There sat Mrs. Lauter between the chatter
ers, her eyes modestly cast down, her bosom
| lleayiug with emotion, her heart autterng,
| HOW buoyed up by hope, now sinking with
tear, Jansen glanced at Mrs Lauter; Mrs.
Lauter heayed sigh, and two pcarly tears
rolled down her pink cheeks. This was
too much for Jansen; in choking
voice he said "Donc!" 4 bill Of sale
was drawn and executed and the money
paid. The property, presumptiycly having
been previously delivered, there was no
necessity for q formal act OF transfer. With
singular inconsistency Mrs. Jansen nee
Lauter. while desiring to transfer her per-
son and affections to Jansen, Immediately
upon the completion Of the trade exhibited
the greatest nnimosiIy towards her late lord,
but not master, tor having sold her. Seizing
the bill Of sale she exclaimed. with passion:
This am going to keep and make him sweat
for whit he has done Sell me out. will be:
Well il get my fingers tn r, hs hair ngll have
find words enough to describe hin. Oh! yes, l.
shull live with Jansen now and never go back to
Lnutcr. I'm sold. The wretchl hut let INC catch
htul!
The story of the loves Of Jansen and Mrs
Lautpr, as told by the latter, is romantic i'll
the highest degree When she first met her
present husband she admits that she had be-
come ''a little tired ~ of Lauter, and that she
became very fond of Jansen,-loved him, in
fact, at sight, and has ''doted Oh him ever
SINCE" Jansen's nose seems first to have
attracted Mrs. Lauter's attention aud fired
her heart. She says "Hls nose is q little
inclined to be rosy, but of such deli
cate tint that one wouldn't notice
it in a dark room." That rosy-tlnted nose
went straight to Mrs. .Lauter's heart! And
Mrs. Lauter's nose, whether 81 a little in
clinett to be rosy" or not Is not disclosed i'll
the narrative, seems to have touched JAN
sens heart. Tor when Mrs Lauter hadn't
known lin much more than week she
took her in his arms and kissed her on the
end of the nose" OF course as Mrs. Lauter
is a modest woman, she "struggle3 and
slapped his face" But the deligltfr .>1ect
Of that kiss OIL the end of her nos ><nains
with her still. For, notwithstanding she
AYERS that she "struggled and slapped the
face" Of the rosy-noscd Jansen, she Is
moved to exclaim, "Dut, OIL how 1 liked
it." Whether Mrs. Lauter kissed Janscn's
rosy nose does not appear, but there Is II
strong presumption that she did, since she
admired it so much, and that the 1oye-tlaktng
between the happy pair consisted chiefly in
kissing each others attractive noses.
According to the story Of Mrs. Jansen,
formerly Mrs. Lauter, the loyr-making of
that period was Of the most decDrous charac-
ter, doubtless confined entirely to salutes OIL
the nose, for she says: !" We always be-
huyed ourselves" lie bought ice-cream for
her and she made neckties for him.. She
kissed his rosy nose and he kissed her rosy
nose. But alasi this halcyon period was
destined to a rude disturbance. Lauter sus-
pectett something and scolded his wife. Per-
haps her nose was too rosy when she re-
turned from the ice-cream saloon. Perhaps
there was 4 suspicious similarity Of rosiness
apparent iii the respective proboscises of the
lovers, which led Lanter to discovery Of
the secret of their peculiar osculatory enl-
braces. lie may have detected the lovers in
the act OF blowing kisses ut each others rosy I
noses, at all events a storm arose in the
Lauter mansion with the result stated:1,For