Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1881-08-13

OF the tnlSula' MY stoI 10 iOuHuSo NV
ON fiction, but on fact. The crime ,rds
committed, literally as | have written
down, and / am the assassin. My real
name is Jonathan Smith p
He said this coldly, with an air OF pro-
found earnestness, choosing his phrases de-
liberately, after the fashion of speaker
who wishes to impress his auditor that he
is speaking the simple truth.
'tCapital, by Jove capital, MIR. Prim-
rose - exclaimed his acquaintance with a
grin. "The Joke is worthy of Theodore
Hook, ha, ha OF Theodore Hook, did 1
say? OF Ned Sothern, rather"
The anecdote was printed in the gossip
ing columns of all the society papers the
same week. The mystifcation by which
Horatio Primrose sought to pass himself off
as an assassin was regarded as delicious in its
humor. The rising author was, palpably,
an original of the first water. And then
upon Primrose, as peg, were hung set
of funny anecdotes of the McArdle, whose
lurking foible it was to be taken for cir
Gus clown; of We're de We're, who had
cards printed, "Mr. Marwood, P. E.,
Horncastle, Lincolnshire, which be loved
to distribute among casual companions, and
Of little Lord Sheepshanks, who always
represented himself in his cups as band.
Jonathan Smith was Infatuated by those
allusions. In making his awful confession
he had acted without exact sense of what
he was doing. Now he felt an overpower-
ing need to be believed by somebody.
He renewed his confession to every man
he met about town. The first day this was
spoken of as an excellent piece of drollery.
The second the farce was called monoto.
nous. The third Primrose was voted bore.
By the end of the week he was declared an
internal nuisance, with his played-out
"chaff" and his sell. cenceited whimsical.
ity. His unexpected success had turned
his head. 1t was plain that the man had a
bee in his bonnet; and his circle of good.
natured friends bantered him to their
hearts content.
"Ah this is too much of a good thing,
he cried to knot of incredulous auditors
in corner of the Gaiety bar. Not one
of you fellows is willing to credit me when
am telling you the candid truth. You
won't admit that l have not only de.
scribed, but executed a masterpiece oil
crime All right. shall soon Iut it
beyond yea or nay. By this time to.mor.
row all London will know who is Jonathan
Smith.
The following day he presented himself
at Bow street, before the magistrate who
had committed the man Virgins for trial.
"Your Worship" he said, 81 have
come to give myself up. I am Jonathan
Smith.
cit is unnecessary to prolong the joke, y
said the magistrate, amiably. 81 am a
subscriber to Nudes. l have read you,
story with a great deal of interest and
pleasure and l am glad to have the privi.
lege of complimenting you upon it, am
also not unaware of the pleasantly you
have been playing off on your friends for
the past week or SO. Another in my place
would be annoyed at your attempt to turn
Police Court into a theater for practical
joking but l have dabbled in literature
myself in my time, and l can pardon the
sally, since it affords me the pleasure of
making your acquaintance.
But tell your Worship" cried iona.
than, impatient at this long drawn out
urbanity from the bench-"I tell you,
emphatically, that this is no practical
joke swear to you on my most solemn
oath that 1 am Jonathan Smith; that
did commit the murder in Great Coram
street; and, more than that, can prove
it to you"
every good, sir" said the magistrate,
"as we are not nightly busy to-day, and
as have got through the morning charges,
/ don't mind humoring the pleasantly, !
tell you beforehand, that shall look upon
it as a treat to hear how subtle intellect
lilo will IL, efr
absurd"
"The absurd! But have written moth.
ing but the absolute truth. The cabinet.
maker was innocent. 1t was l who made
away with"
"My dear sir, 1 am under the impression
/ told you l read your story. If it pleases
you to relate it to me viva voce, it will
give me infinite qualification but that will
demonstrate nothing except what is familiar
to me already-that you have a singularly
rich and wierd imagination"
' / needed no imagination to commit my
crime"
"Not to commit it, but to describe it,
my dear sir, to describe it. With your
permission, since you are on the subject,
I'll let you have bit of my mind frankly.
AS for the style of the book, there, oil
course, you are the better judge. To my
thinking, you gave just little too free a
rein to your Imagination you passed the
legitimate bounds of fancy you invented
certain circumstances which outrage all
probability"
"But, again, tell you"
"Allow me, allow me You will admit,
at all events, that I have some competence
respecting crime. can assure you candid.
ly that yours was not what l should cal
combined naturally. That meeting with
the nurse in Strand Hospital, for example,
savors too much of the deus er n,dchind.
The chloral is difficult to swallow" Here
there was laughter in Court. "There are
many other small details which trip in the
same way. As piece of literary handicraft,
your story is charming, original, most skill.
fully worked up-in fact, what you gentle
men would call thrilling. As writer, ad.
NIT that your are perfectly justified in trav.
estying the reality, but your famous crime
of itself is impossible. My dear Mr.. Prim.
rose, am cory to say anything to hurt
you; but, while l admire you as man Of
letters, must say you would make a very
Indifferent criminal"
"Ill soon show you whether / would OF
not p yelled Jonathan Smith, springing
toward the magistrate.
His mouth foamed, his eyes were blood.
shot, his whole frame shook with passion.
He would have strangled his Worship il
an usher, a warder, police constable and
a reporter had not rushed to the rescue.
After considerable scuffiing, the mailman
was mastered. his hands were handcuffed
behind his back, he was seized by fou,
stout constables, turned faced to earth and
treated to frogs march" to the cells a.
the other side of the street.
Five days afterward he was immured in
Bethlehem Hospital.
Genius, like beauty, is perilous gift, y
said Atlas, in the World, the following
Wednesday. Poor Primrose-by chance
the censorious may hint-one morning
woke to find himself famous. He achieved
solitary chef d'euvIe; and SO possessed
with it did he become, that in the end he
believed in the substantially of his dream.
1t is the old fable of Pygmalion growing
amorous of his statue"
The most terrible feature in the case was
that Jonathan Smith was not mad. He
was in perfect hold OF his faculties, which
but added to the fortunes OF his disap-
pointed mind.
L. L. L..