Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-12-01
PITH AND POINT.


BARRELS we're first made in the cooper
age. Il
A ROD and lyin' catches the biggest
fish of the season.
DARLING, this potato is only half
done. " Then eat the other half, love. )"
PEOPLE talk of a visit to the salt sea
for the purpose of getting little fresh
air.
WHEN the river rises one foot what
becomes of the other? 1t remains tide,
of course.
WHEN the Arab has stolen everything
else in sight he quietly folds his tent
and steals away.
WHEN man threatens to give you a
piece OF his mind he wishes to destroy
the peace of yours.
WHEN young man is alone with his
best girl he is generally supposed to be
"holding his own
By mother-in- Law" You can de-
ceive your guileless' little wife, young
mn but her fathers whichever.
HE author of the "Little Brown
jug was probably in q jugular vein,
when he wrote that sometime popular
ditty.
A BRIDGE over a stream in Missouri
bears this legend "Drive over as fast
as you want to, and be burned /" Every
body, therefore, drives at walk.
A TEXAS young man shot himself be-
cause young lady refused to dance with
him. In his blind rage he probably
mistook himself for rival.
The utterly utter" kind of talk has
infected the street gamins, one of whom,
after picking up more that usually
fragrant cigar-stump, exclaimed to his
friend: :" Jack, this is quite too posi-
lively bully"
"ToMMY," said a mother to her z year
old boy, "you must not interrupt me
when am talking with ladies. You
must wait until we stop, and then you
can talk" But you never STOP" re-
torted the boy.
PR1DE's fall YES" said Clara,
"your Maltese cat is pretty enough, but
he can never come up to my bird. That
was all she knew about it. That kitty
did come up to her bird that very day,
and it was all day with the bird.
"FATHER, did You ever have another
wife beside mother ?" "No, my boy +;
what possessed you to ask such ques-
ton !" Because | saw in the old fam
lily Bible where You married Ammo
Domiui i'll 1885, and that isn't mother,
for her name was Sally Smith.
A CAMBRIDGE youth wroN the follow
ing iii q young lady's autograph album
I'm the chain of friendship regard me
as missing link :" and after signing
his name he added underneath by way
of postscript: but do not mistake me
for Darwin's missing one "
clay off your overcoat or you won t
feel it when you go out, said the land
lord of q Western inn to guest who was
sitting by the fire. g That's what I'm
afraid Of, returned the man. The last
time L was here laid off my overcoat.
l didn't feel it when l went out, and L
haven't fel it since.
CHARLIE, have you got hooked
| nose?" Yes, darling" answered
Charlie, smiling, "Tm afraid it is lit
| tie liable to that criticism" "Well, |
never should have noticed it, !" she added.
Indignantly, If that horrid Spriggs girl
across the way hadn't told me to ask you
| ii you wouldn't like to sell it for sy-
phon.
WHEN little Miunie was 2 years old
she asked for some water one night.
When it was brought she said, "Papa.
can't you get me some fresh water
This tastes little withered." Her little
sister Belle had been accustomed to o
light i'll the room, and walked in great
distress, crying, Me can't see, Aunt
Bessie; my eyes are all blowed out"
AT juvenile party a young gentle
man about 7 years old kept himself from
the rest of the company. The lady OF
the house called to him: "Come and
play and dance, my dear. Choose one
of those pretty girls for your wife. y
''Not much r cried the young cynic.
ono wife for me Do yoa think want
to be worried out of my life, like papa p
He read in a newspaper paragraph
/ the statement that "The child is father
to the man" and straightway went and
| asked his mother if that was true? eyes,
my son, she answered. sit may seem a
little strange to you, but it's true. 4"
Well, mamma, responded the inquis-
tive youth. "why is it if I'm papa's
father that he always ticks me and 1
never lick him =?
The minister's man of a certain
preacher followed him up one day to
close the pulpit door as usual. There
was something wrong with the lock, and
the door would not "sneck." John,
losing his patience, said, II think the
devils in the pulpit. Just at this mo-
ment the minister lifted his bowed head,
and, turning seriously on him, said,
Surely, We dipna mean me, John 2"
What Ingenuity Does.
Every one has heard, l suppose, Of
! EN,nlS the American dentist who car.