The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-03-24
LITTLE JOHNNY'S ANECDOTES.


Ous Kinds Of Animals.
Possums has tobacco pouches on the
stomach, and one time there was pos
sum which was a show. A feller come to
see the show, and he had bunch of fire.
crackers, cause it was the Fourth of July.
The feller he took one off and put it in
his mouth, and then he lit one of the
others and held 'em out to the 'possum,
and said: "Have you cigarette?" The
possum it snatched 'em, and crammed
'em IN its pounch, and wank its eyes,
and said: 'Now, you can jest wistle for
your old cigarettes, for I am regular
savings bank, I am"
But bimeby the crackers they went of
wild, and you never seen seech busted
bank like that possum.
My uncle Ned had a possum which
was pet, and he had little music-box
too, but my sisters young man be plays
the hdsi1e and Sammy Doppy he can
crow like roosters. One day the piano
was moved out of the parlor, and Uncle
Ned he wound up the music-box and
looked the other way, and the possum it
sneaked up and put the music-box in the
tobacco pouch of its belly, playin' the
Sweet By and By real nice. Then Uncle
Ned he went into the kitchen and called
Mary, the housemaid, and said: sMary,
you go in the parlor and tell your mis-
tress when she gets done playin' the
piano would like to see her"
Bimeby Mary she comes a running
back, wife like sheet, and said: ooh,
if you please, sir, that nasty cat of you'rn
has ct the pianner"
And now I'll tell you little story
about snakes. When Mr.. Pitchell was a
missionary preacher in Africa he seen a
natiff niger trying for to catch a long
snake Mr.. Pitchell he said: "What
do you mean to take that feller in your
hands?" The natiff nigger said he did,
if his gods was willing that he should
get a tail hold. Mister Pitchell he said:
"Ain't them kind of snakes pizen?" and
the nigger said: GIVE ct ten this morn
ing, and feel pretty well. Mebby they
would pizen me if I was greedy like
hogs"
A other time when Mister Pitchen was
there natif nigger which was the King
he said to him: "You come to the pal
lace next Sunday and preach to us poor
converted heathens and I will have
mighty good dinner ready for you when
you have got done" So Mister Pitchell
he went and preached, and while he was
preachin' he kept smellin' the dinner
which was being boiled mighty nice, and
every time he smelt it he stopped to get
a good whiff of it. Bimeby the King he
got mad and he said: "You just go on
with the preach. It amt nobody but
that galoot Sambo Caesar He was al
ways scoffin' while he was alive, and
now the garn dasted infdel pushes up
the pot lid for to interrupt our devo-
ionsI'
If was King I would take my big
saword and cut all the wicked infdels
heads off, yes, indeed, but when you cut
hens head off the preacher he comes
next day and eats her Hens lay eggs
and the rooster hops his wings and
crows when he thinks hissef better
| fighter than a other rooster, but the
feller on the new steeple he don't crow,
and if he could lay eggs they would be
| all busted. Eggs is incest with ham and
| sossidge and buckwheat cakes, and a
whole apple pie all for your own self.
Biddad, that's the new dog, he likes cold
apple dumplings, but Towser that's the
dog died, he had wort ON his nose.
The dog is the king of beasts, but
snakes is more like eels. My sisters
young man says one time in Indy there
was man had to travel long jurney on
foot, and SO he hired snake-charmer to
protect him, cos the snakes there is a
mighty bad lot. So the man and the
charmer they started, and after they had
gone about mile the charmer he stopt
and said: "I guess it's about time for
me to begin earning my money" So
he took foot out of his close and began
to play tune, and pretty soon some
snakes crawled out of the grass for to see
what was up. And bimeby some more
come and stood around too, till after a
while there was bout thousan' hundred
big pizen snakes all around 'em and the
man was frightened most to death.
Then the charmer put away his foot and
said: "You can't find any fault with
such charmin' as that, I guess, can you? /?
Now, if you are ready to go on jest
gother a club and wade in, and if we are
so fortunate as to get through we will
come pretty soon to a jungle where you
can hire cousin of mine, which can
charm lions and taggers."