River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-06-16
In A NUTSHELL.

ed as the ingratitude of the stom-
ach."
The best kind of sidewalk. Walking
by the side of a lovely girl.-PAaadei-
lohia Sun.
True, true; what our country needs
is more navy to back'er.- Cambridge
Tribune.
"Go to the ant, thou slluggard," don't
seem to be needed in any way by the
sluggard, who generally goe to his uncle.
A chiyalrous exchange thinks when
a man marries widow he should give
up smoking. "She gives up her weeds"
he should be equally polite.
''Jack, what relation to you is that
old gentleman | saw you with this
morning? "0h, not much; he's mar
ried to my grandparents only daughter
The first religious body to formally
adopt the revised New Testament was
the Congregational Association OF MARI
boro, NaSs., but the vote was afterward
reconsidered.
An exchange asks "How large is
our American navy2" About six
inches long, and three-eighths Of an
inch thick. It's regular plug of n
navy.-Keokuk CoaStitats0n.
As regards this matter of pensions to
Government clerks, it seems to us that
after a man has been writing for thirty
or forty years it's natural that he should
be pensnunner.-T orooto Globe.
A man undertook the other day to
make jury believe he was deaf but
chap hired by the opposing counsel
softly whispered, Lets go out and
drink" and the fellow heard him the
first time-Bost0a Post
Some Texas farmers will try the ex-
pertinent of importing the Lubbock
beetles from Russia. These beetles are
very ferocious and live on grasshoppers,
locusts, cotton worms and every insect
that destroys crops. Boston Post
An Illinois physician prescribed rest
and quiet for an i'll merchant, whereup-
on the afflicted man ordered the pap
ers to discontinue his avdertiseEne
This brought him the needed reDose.-
Modern ArgO.
A rumor comes from Paris that bon
nets are TO be worn on the head here
after. 1t strikes us the head would be
good place on which to wear bon
net, but such departure will lcok n
little odd Mt first.
A New Hampshire man got up to
light a lamp and fell dead Our readers
will bear witness that we have always
pointed out that this getting up at night
is a mans wife's business. Behold the
terrible justification of our course.
Quiet BENEFICIAL: Morse who invented
the telegraph, and Bell the inventor of
the telephone, both had deafmute
wives. Little comment is necessary,
but just see what aman can accomplish
when everything Is quiet.-LolCeH
| Mass Citizen
A beautiful thought appreciated: An
excited old maid III a temperance lodge
IA few evenings since read an original
poem entitled, "The lips that touch
liquor shall never touch mine. and the
young men present gave her three
cheers.-NeW J ork Star.
With pleading eyes s looked up
from the piano and sang, Call me
your darling again" But he refused,
as there were witnesses around: and
there is no telling when man will be
introduced to a breach of promise suit
these days.
The attempted elopement of two
babies has just been frustrated at Gin
cinnati. George Rose and Fanny
Thauer, aged 1t and Is respectively,
ran away from Coultersville, Pa, and
were caught in the former city. They
had pluckily set about to get work, in
which the girl had succeeded.
"Why I'm so glad you've come. Did
you know that I've been worrying
about you, John, all the evening""
That's Just what | married you for
1t is pleasant to think that there il
some one at home worrying about you"
Somehow this view of the matter didn't
exactly coincide with her ideas of mar
! ital amenities.
Leasing, the German philosopher,
being absent minded, knocked at his
own door one evening, when the SER
want, looking oct of the window, and
not recognizing him, said : "The pro
feSsor is not at home" ooh, very
well" said Lessing, composedly, walk
ing away, ''I'll call another time"
When handsome Jack was cautiously
going up behind pretty Miss Dashie to
to steal a kiss which she wouldn't have
granted for any amount of pie 'ding,
her little brother, who had happned to
look in the door behind Jack, yelled to
look out, and so she was able to avoid
letting Jack kiss her. And somehow
she boxed her bro theirs ears when they
were alone together.
Scientific; "Dovey," he said, Il think
/ was telling you after | came home
last night about the necessity of some
retrenchment in our expenditures, was
not?' "Well, really, I've forgotten,
john" she answered, nonchalently;
turn on the photograph and see. F"
He turned it on and all it said was
"Whazzer mazzer-thi )--maZzer ?
Whazzer mazzer?" Chicago Tribune.