Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-05-04
DroIl Biunders.

By the insertion Of one letter ID place Of
another, a newspaper, not long since, re-
porting the danger that an express train
had run, IN consequence Of a COW getting
upon the line, sand: Gas the safest way,
the engineer put on full steam, dashed up
against the COW, and literally cut it into
calres"
Aludicrous story Is told Of bailie, whose
studies in natural history seem to have been
rather limited. The following case came
before him one day: "a man who kept a
ferret, having 10 go to the country, left the
cage with the ferret In charge of neighbor
till he shoald return. The neighbor H.
cautiously opened the cage door, and the
angry. and brought clam against his
neighbor for damages. The following was
the decision of the learned bailie: "Nae
doot," he said to the man who had been
left in charge, ''ye was wrang to open the
cage door; but," he added, turning to the
other, '.ye was wrang, too. For why did
We no clip the brute's wIngsi"
Ii is also told of certain Glasgow bailie
that when visiting Paris as one of depu-
tation from Glasgow to Louis Philippe, the
king said, when showing the party through
his library, where he had many of the
English classics: "You know Milton very
wella" ooh, bless you, yes; bless you,
yes" said the bailie, cheerfully, delighted
that something had been mentioned that he
did know. "Yes, your majesty, know
Milton very we'll" Milton is a little place
in the neighborhood of Glasgow:) ''we're
Just building slaughter-houses there
By the bad arrangement of clauses in
composition, ludicrous blunders are some
times made. A Wisconsin paper announced
that the board Of education had resolved
to erect building large enough to accom-
modate five hundred students three stories
high" In an English paper an advertise
ment appeared, under the heading of ''To
Let,n of "A house for family N good
repair" Punch noted this, and conjec-
tured that "a family in good repair" must
mean one in which none of its members
were cracked. ''The brooches would have
been sent before but have been unwell," :"
was note of apology sent to Dean Afford
by his jeweler; and ''Two sisters want
washing" was an advertisement which ap-
peared in the Manchester Guardian.
Anamuslng style of blunder is the '-bull, /"
for which the Irish get most credit. 1t
was an Irish editor that exclaimed, when
speaking of the wrongs of his country
''Her cup of misery has been overflow1ng,
and it is not yet fulll' 1t was an Irish
newspaper that said of Robespierre that
she left no children behind HIM except a
brother, who was killed at the same time. i"
Irish also was the cornet who, when writ
ing home from India, praising the much
abused climate as really one of the best
under the sun, added: ''But a lot of young
fellows come out here, and they drink and
they eat, and they eat and they drink, and
then die; and then they write home to
their friends, saying it was the climate that
did IT."
The first Lord Lyttleton was very
absent minded 1t is declared of him
that when he fell into the river by the
upsetting OF boat at Hagley, she sank
twice before he recollected that he could
SWIM
4 New York paper gives the following
story in illustration of the absent minded
ness of the great Johnathan Edwards.
When out riding one day, little boy very
respect Slly bowed and opened gate for
him.
''Whose boy are you, my little mani" he
asked.
'.Noah Clark's boy, SIR" was the an
swer.
On the return of Edwards, the same
boy appeared and orened the gate for him.
He thanked the little fellow, and again
asked:
"Whose boy are you?"
'sNoah Clark's sir-the same mans boy
was quarter of an hour ago, sir"
Some blunders arise from misapprehen-
sion. A bishop of Oxford sent round to
the church wardens in his diocese circular
of inquiries, including the question: ''Does
your officiating clergyman preach the gos-
pei, and is his conversation and carriage
consistent herewith" The church war
den of Wallingford replied &c He
breaches the gospel, but does not keep
carriage"
A doctor who had one day allowed him.
self to drink too much, was sent for to see
fashionable lady who was ailing. He
sat down by the bedside, took out hi;
watch, and began to count her pulse as well
as his obfuscated condition would permit.
He counted ''One, two, three ;" then he
got confused, and began again: Zone, two,
three, four" Still confused, could not do
it. Thoroughly ashamed of himself, he
shut up his watch muttering ''Tipsy, |
declare-tipsyl Staggering to his feet,
he told the lady to keep her bed and take
some hot lemonade, to throw her into
perspiration, and he would see her next
day. In the morning he received the
following note from the lady, marked
private"
"Dear Doctor: You were hit. l dare
not deny it. But | aM thoroughly ashamed
of myself, and will be more careful for the
future. Please accept the Inclosed fee for
your visit"(a ten-pound note), sand do not,
| entreat of you, breathe word about the
state in which you found me-"
The lady, in fact, had been drinking too
much, and catching the Doctors murmured
words, thought they referred to her. He
was too far gone to see what was the
matter with his patient, and she too far to
observe that the doctor was in the same
condition!
The Rev. Mr.. McDougall, of Paisley,
used to tell the following story: One day
be was taking a simple friend from the
country to see Garthavel; but passing the
exchange on their way to the asylum, he
took him to the door to look in. The man,
who thought they had got to their destna-
ton, stood behind Mr.. McDougall, and
staring eagerly over his shoulder at the
merchants stepping up and down and gath
ering in eager groups, exclaimed with sur
prise, not unmingled with awe :
'Is't safe, man They're - loose