Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-07-23
WIT AND WISDOM.


self?" "Oh, no, said Jay Gould "I
am fond of it for myself"
DURING her career Jenny Lind Gold
schmidt sang about q million airs, and
she is now a millionaire herself.
GALL things come to him who waits, )"
but quarter judiciously bestowed on a
waiter will hurry the things up little.
A MAN named Jackson demands a
pension of $1,000 of the government
for having lived in Milwaukee whole
year.
II the tbeaters had as many exits as
an ordinary family liquor store has en-
frances there would be no dangerin case
of fire.
IT Is not surprising that there is a
great deal of pride at our seaside water
ing places, for there every wave has its
crest.
AN Indian never snores in his sleep
until after he has become partly civil
lied. In his natural state he Is too
lazy to even turn over In bed.
PROPHETS are generally lazy set of
croakers, who have discovered that it is
cheaper to guess than to work, and
nobler to lie than tell the truth.
ALBANY has ordered three hundred
electric lights. Owners of property
don't dare to let it get very dark when
the Legislature is there.-BOsto'a Post.
SEVERAL brothers recently got into
quarrel over a pie, and the little one
felt less kindly toward the biggest, who
took his part, than he did toward any
of the others.
A POET advises, "Be honest poverty
thv boosted wealth" This is all we'll
enough in the way of sentiment, but it
is sort Of wealth that gets mighty lit
tie recognition of respect.
Chow much coal is there, Susan
How long will it last ?" "Well, ma'am,
it will last quite a while if you don't
have any fires" "Then there isn't
much left ?" "There isn't any left,
ma'am"
A SHORT time since two young ladies
near Camberwell were accosted by a
gypsy woman, who told them that for
a shilling each she would show them
their husbands faces in pail of water,
which, being brought, they exclaimed:
eve only see our own faces y We'll,
said the old woman, "those faces will
be your husbands when you are mar
ried.
A WRITER in q July monthly says:
"Of the worst foes that women have
had to encounter, wine stands at the
head" The writer is right 1t first
goes to the head, and then stands there
for several hours, and the owner Of the
head gets up next morning feeling as if
he had exchanged heads with a giant
when he left the banquet hall the night
before. So we've been told.
A NEW test of sobriety infinitely pref
cradle to walking a chalk line or pro-
nounclng National Intelligencer or
saying "the scenery is truly rural"
has been brought before the public. At
Harvarfordwest, England, recently, a
well dressed man, in disproof of a
charge of habitual drunkenness, held
up an umbrella, which he allowed he
had not lost nor mislaid for fourteen
months.
al DON'T care so much about your
weighing my meat before trimming 1t,
remarked Mr.. Husbandman, as the
butcher cut off four pounds of suet
from his five-pound purchase; "but
do object to your partiality in charging
me twenty-five cents a pound for that
fat, and afterward demanding but three
cents pound for it from the scavenger.
If you would charge us each three
cents or twenty-five, wouldn't say
word.
FATHER of the Girl Your best
plan is to start to go to bed the next
time George calls, the same as usual.
Let your boots drop so he will be sure
to hear them. Then cock yourself up
in an arm chair with pitcher of lemon
ade, and wait. The best view of the
comet is to be had about two A. NJ. At
that hour walk quietly ont on the front
porch. George will try to hustle the
girl off his knee. You don't want to
let on that you notice this at all, but
just say that you have long noticed
their affection for each other, and while
Mary has always been the family pet,
you know that some time she must
leave the old homestead, and sever the
ties that bind her to a mothers love and
a fathers watchful care. If the young
man can successfully get away after
this kind of a talk let him go. He is
certain to become q pirate or something
ike that, and von wonldn't want him
l. L