The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-08-18
HUMOR.
Mary wore a little bang

Upon her little brow;
She tried to blow a candle out,
. She wears no bang there now.
"What is home without an Oil CAM
What is home without poker?
What is home without a woman:
And a man to hug and choke herF
What 10 home without garden,
And faithful wife to make II,
And darling whom the parents
Both can often take and shake it?
Rebecca-Yes, the marriage tie Is
beau-knot.
The bear is temperance animal, and
does not like to be called bar.
The real maizey dance is the Indian
green-corn dance.
The tired man who lies abed in the
morning is not attired man.
If man cannot be cured by smok-
ing he is less susceptible than ham.
The comet don't seem to be much of
q star-rOute fraud.
Virginia recently had a shower OF
peanut shells. There must have been
circus in the next county.
A Bostonian tells of q New Yorker
who had so big mouth that the last
time he gaped he lost his balance and
fell in.
It's $40 fine to holler "Mediocrity in
the gutter" ut any good citizen who is
hoei1g in front of his sidewalk.
Cockroaches are recommended rs
good bait for black bass -ErcAange
Thank heaven! Now let all the anglers
send to Chicago for their bait.
What are the wild waves saying. Sis
ter, the long, long day? They say il
you don't want to freeze, bub. you
better stay away.
A strange astronomical phenomenon
is seen in the fact that when the irate
father takes down his trunk strap there
are liable to be spots on the son.
The sailors is said to be a dogs life.
We know that he must 60 before the
mastiff he goes to see, and then he be-
comes a sail setter.
A medical journal says in case ol
sunstroke keep ice on the head, and a
small boy says for the old mems stroke
keep your trowsers well padded.
An exchange says that there is death
in some soda water pipes. The cool
coil which promises to bring health
becomes q mortal coil which shuffies
you off.
A Baltimore editor died of heart dis
ease the other day. People who have
imagined that editors have no hearts
will now see how badly they were de-
ceived.
If a bee attempts to sting you. hit
him with a shingle-make bee flat of
him. '.Down in coal mine'' is full
of minor chords. ''Dry" music can
not be rendered properly on juice
harps,
Afflicted man-No, it is no disgrace
to be called Smith. We'd rather be
named Smith and own over 800, ,OO0,-
600 than be called st. Laurence De
We're, and have to be bashful of the
dog-tax collector.
Some men have the faculty Of look
ing on the bright side of things. A
South End man who was refused by a
girl didn't weep over missing hside.
but congratulated himself on escaping
q mother-in-law.
A Change for the Worse.-Rev. DR..
Dumbell "a newly-tledged divine) :
"Hello, what's this. Essie; picture of
me? Do you think it's good like
ness?" Essie (after pause): ''No
Guess I'll put a tail on and call it a
dog.
An Allegheny man attempted to blow
up his wife few days ago by explod-
ing torpedo under her. A case of
retaliation is presumed; but it is not
likely that the woman ever used a tor
pedo in blowing up her husband.
Capt Bogardus's feat of breaking 500
glass balls in twenty-five minutes and
fifteen seconds has been excelled by a
Philadelphia man, who was carrying a
basket of glass balls to shooting
range and stepped on a banana peel.
A merchant was playing cards with
a railroad official, who was rather
sleepy at the time. II pass" said the
merchant. The railroad man was
awake in an instant. mo you don't, !"
said he, ''not on this line. You pay
your fare or walk"