davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29
OvercOats and UIstercttes.
George SpransY. bO7 Seventh strent.

THAT Brown is so proud that you can't
touch him with ten foot POLE" said Mrs.
Fogg. "Of course not" replied Fogg,
that is not legal ten, dear" Fogg
thought this was capital thing to say,
but when he had to go to work and explain
to Mrs. F.-''ten, dear, tender"-he wished
in his heart of hearts that he had never
said it.-Bosion Transcript.
Ex-Secretary of State VIM. NJ. Evarts is
the dramatic editor of the New York Tel
egrdm. II he isn't, how did this remark
about the Harrsons get into the dramatic
column Of that paper? THE mrth.mo
ing effects and comical conglomerations
concocted in the brain of the operators of
this camera comedy are the quintessence of
laughter-provoking monstrosities, quaint
ness aud outragings of all possibilities
Boston Post.
In the island of Borneo no young man is
allowed to pay his respects to maiden I'M
less he has taken off the head of one or
more of his enemies, In this country "put-
ting head on" ones enemy is considered
the correct thing Two extremes of civili-
zation.-New Haven Register.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29
District Goyernment No,es.

Tho Commissioners report In pamphlet
form was circulated to-day.
The much needed rcsurfacing of Eighth
street, between and streets, was COM
nenced to-day.
Property holders ON Third street, between
and have complained 10 the Commissioners
that for the past eight years the condition of
the sidewalks IN that vicinity have been al
most impossible and dangerous.
Prof. L. j. DcSmcdt, the District chemist
has submitted his annual report 10 tho En-.
giner Commissioner. The analyses performed
for the various departments were as follows
For the Health Department. 201; OF various
kinds OF water, 176; milk, butter, ETC., 81; for
the Coroner, = Genealogical analyses In case
of suicide. For the Engineer Department n
daily analysis OF the mixture I'm laying the
asphalt payements has been made, now
amounting to 40. All the hydraulic cements
used In the public works OF the District are
tested as to their tensll strength. He then pro.
ceeds TO give the process OF analyses of lime.
stone, cement, etc., and shows which Is the
best article produced In this market.
The letter from Chief Engineer Cronin,
With reference to the necessity of increasing
the size OF water mains and making other ar
rangcmonts by which the supply OF water Mt
fires can be increased, the Water Registrar has
answered by a letter. IN which he states that
having full knowledge of the inadequate
supply he has recommended that a fire-alarm
be placed In the house OF Mr.. Henry Larman,
mo Inspector and taper OF water mans, 30
mat In the event OF fire at any point where
there IL scarcity OF water he might supply
The deficiency by opening certain stop-cocks
ana closing others, thus temporarily taking
the water from some other section of the city
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29

Arthur Burgess, young man about % years
OF age, belonging TO very respectable family,
was up before Judge Smell this morning on the
charge OF stealing trunk. This young man
showed the effects OF n long continued spree.
His counsel, Mrs. Lockwood, made strong de-
fense, but without avail, the Judge holding
that drunkenness was no excuse for crime He
dwelt at length upon the III effects Of intOxlca-
Ing liquors, and said that crime, rs n rule,
gould follow the use Of rum. Burgess was
stntenced 10 thirty days in jail, and for steal
ing towel was given an additional ten
dayn.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29
PERTINENT PARAGRAPHS

Toys Wholesale MT 73O Seventh street,
rttrur yrpr ,btr,vuipc unIuuortnnt mr..
rcsis madc yester,iny
s,,,,s.u -, -. - ,t..,.,.., .,,,.,.
SIhE I'M, ilI Will ~ l!gh'c" ~ ~ 30 ~
III. "Iu cA'ihsulshou ~ u IT, Hi'
DouBLE.wIDTlI ALL'wooL cashmere, 3oc
hun Blnck Goods store, NO. tl3ScNenth street
northwest
THE CRITIC represents the goahoadatiye-
ness OF washington, the most attractive city
ON the continent 2o-ddy's RGpubAcdh.
TWO MORE trnmps will tramp no more until
spring time, per order Of Judge Smell. The
gentlemen I'm question are !. Maxwell and
John II. Small.
sot-xn nrposr IL ao csscntlni IN good bcnlth
that we feel surprised 10 know nny one would
risk loss OF rest from n Cough or Cold, when n
bottle of Buli's Cough syrup would give re-.
freshinc slumber.
To.,tonpow Nonxtxa y1e N,,,ooo, L,en,,1,coo
win bo pubIlsheJ in double.sbeot form nnd
will bn nileJ Win snicv ana intcrcstinr m NJ
for. The RSDu5ijeo1 IL n daily evidence of Tho
snccoaa of enternriao n nj cncygy -
u,nn,. o,,,,,,. 49,. :, a., ,,.u,
p nAmna soMN NJ a. sehoiar ~ lno Nhliach
',,i "as piaS ans iOO.oai nc'r .no svnoos
-, wv iioon loycss yeS,uTuay, WhSn oilc ol
,s i uccluenitlly nckeu MN Oh 'he
fish' ics irac'urlus IL apoNo INC hhhnc'
MIR. j. AMBLER SMITH today filed suit on
Donalf OF Mr.. a. q. Mccoy for damages for
$1,000 against the Washington Alexandria
.crry company; mr. Mccoy, u VIII DC rcllem-
1 ., ""n PlVeiPitt,tou liiV ~. w. iotpl,uc a iSM
u ol esp *, III conseluenco ol tho preans oi
THE OFFICERS on duty at the Washington
Arsenal say that they have no official informa-
ton as TO when the cOurt-martial Will assem-
Ole for the trial OF Sergeant Mason who at
tempted to kill the assassin Gultcau. Tho
opinion is that the court-martial will shortly
assemble. The day was fixed, but an indef-
mite postponcment was had, owing to the York
town Centennial.
THERE WAS LARGE attendance of Iownns nj
the meeting of their state RenubIicnn CInb nj
the residence Of Hon. w. p. Clarke, 525 Thir.
trAl 1nGf AM oil lon. nf
Gers resulted as follows: President, Hon. W.
Il. Clarke; yicc-prcsdent, G.. Q. stephens: sec
rotary o. H. Herring; treasurer, Smith ID.
Frye. The following members were appointed
n committee to draft constitution for the assO.
citation: Messrs. stephens, Edmunds and
Corrie. The association adjourned 10 meet ON
the second Monday in December.
THE MARRIAGE Of Mr. Thonnas l. Clarl, and
Miss Maggie II Curtin yyos ,niietlv Solemn }zed
III 81. Pairick's church yesterdav afternoon
Rev. Father Waiter orIlcinting in tho nresencc
OF the friends Of mo fnniIy and N yey, inviteJ
guests. Messrs. ID, r. Dnnnher and /. n Brod
ers. OF Aieyandrln acted ne nsbers Aftcr Tho
ceremony The hnI,nv connie rnnaired 10 thc
residence Of the Groom. No. OH second strcnt
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29
The Potomac Free Bridre.

II now looks as though the Potomac free
bridge question may be settled without an ap.
peal to Congress for an ADDITIONAL appropria.
tlon. The only bid that came within the ap-
preparation made was that OF the Corrugated
Metal Company, OF Berlin Conn, and is, OF
course, tho only ono that can be considered I'm
this connection. Their plan Is being thor.
oughly investigated by Capt. Adams, OF Engi.
neer Corps, under direction OF Gen. Wright
chief OF engineers, with n view TO determine
the strength OF the proposed structure and If
the result is satisfactory the bid viii DO ro-
forred 10 the Secretary OF War, with recon-
mendation for its accordance
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29
Think Him Cranky.

Win rogard 20 his theological theories he
said that the Lord was at the back OF him he
knew, because he felt inspired, as was the
Apostle Paul
VILE:
"No; there's no money In theology. was
well taken care of ana fed, though.
Guiteau related n number of escapadcs he
had while attempting TO travel ''doad head"
and was often interrupted by shouts of laugh.
ter. He detailed his experiences at some
length, and before his examination was con.
clnded the court at . .bb adjourned.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29
LicBis Co.'s Coca Reef Tonic,

" Is far superior 10 the fashionable and illu.
sivo preparations Of beef, wine and IRON" says
Prof n. w, Hunt, M. d., honorary member Inn
perial Medical Society OF 81. Petersburg, Rus
ala, &c. IL VIII reconstruct the most shattered
aud enfoeblod, reinyigorate the aged and In
firm and make slckly children blooming and
healthy Invaluable in female complaints,
removing irregularty, pains and exhaustion.
Outlets restless children and infants. Beware
Df worthless limitations.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29
Did Not Pan Out

ms expected he would. He said he had no
political aspirations"
"Did you seek money from any one else?"
eyes, from many. Among others was my
old friend Charlie Reed, from whom got S25,
and have never paid back. " Here the prisoner
laughed heartily, as though he had perpetrated
great Joke. After that he devoted himself
for while TO theology.
Guiteau then went on to say how he had
prepared lecture ON the second coming of
Christ. He admitted that during his lectures
people began to
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29
Holiday Goods.

c. Baum has Just opened for the holiday
trade one OF the largest selections of Books
which Will be sold mt prices never known here
before. Call early and avoid the rush nj
Baum's, No. 116 Seventh street
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29


ant that my soul should be saved"
"What argument did he usG?'
THAT no matter how great n man would
come 10 DO would come TO naught unless my
soul was saved Ho was right about that per.
hups."
The prisoner then said that after no left Ann
ArDor his tather pursued him on the same sub.
lect with letters and subscribed for and sent
MN All manner OF oneida Community publica-
lions. 81 used 10 sit up said the prisoner.
"until after midnight nights porting over those
works. and ruined my eyesight, which | have
never recovered"
with what resultT asked Mr. Scoyllle.
why, 10 cut the story short, | Joined the
oneida Community"
when did you put In your money ?"
1.-TWO months after / Joined. My father,
who was my guardian, transferred my money
10 the Community"
"Why do you blame your father for your
entrance into tho Community"
BECAUSE" replied Guiteau, bitterly, "if IL
under tho fanaticism." Here the prisoner be-.
came excited, and,
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29
Choice Footwear
Rum aud Htuin.

for gentlemen, Indies, misses and children I'm
great variety NJ the old-established Shoe House
OF y. y. Gartrell, 300 Seyenth street, cornnr of
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29

The question may be asked why l
house can show these styles--simply
LIKES, BERWANGER & CO. Man
all the goods they sell.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29

In the Line Of Childrens Suits and Overcoat
we can show styles and shapes that can b.
found at no other house in the city.
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29

At that time Mr.. Beechcr was believed to he u
virtuous, respectable man"
AT this point, the hour having arrived, the
usual recess was taken.
The recess was without incident The usual
chatting was kept up.
Gulteau was brought In again at IA
o'clock, and his examination was resumed.
Guiteau returned TO his New York trip after
leaving tho Oneida Community. He said he
gradually became dissatisfied with their whole
proceedings, socially and morally, and he de.
cided to have a respite. While ho was In New
York and Hoboken he devoted his time to the
getting out OF HIS paper. He concluded to call
1t the 1heocrdt. He saw a number of newspa.
per follows, who discouraged him, one saying
that Its name was sufficient to
The Evening critic., 1881-11-29

added Tho f1naticlsm Of that man Noycs
was 70 sleep with young girls, II must say IT,
he was brute and scoundrel. Tho majority,
like myself, were Shakers, and did not let our
Views extend so far. 1t was damnlng, and its
Influence horrible. When left clandcstlncy
| did so fearing TO be damned for leaving. But
l finally got out OF their clutches, and when I
got to New York the scales fell from my
eyes; | Joined Beecher's Church and became
n reformed man and Christian"
what was your opinion OF Noyes?'
The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1881-02-24
Putnam and LongfeIIoH.

when we were at Putnam" the
man on the woodbox said, edo you
know we forgot to go and see the den
where Putnam killed the wolf ?''
"Well," '" the fat passenger said, II
have been there, and I don't take much
stock in that wolf business. I tried TO
crawl into the den. could lie down on
my face and put my head in, but, as for
going clear inside, why, Putnam could
not have squeezed in. It is"
But" said the tall, thin passenger,
"you must remember that Putnam was
only a man" he paused and repeated,
tlmidly, che was only a man"
YES" snarled the fat passenger, "hs
was man, but he wasn't snake"
The tall, thin passenger replied that
he only meant to suggest that man
could go where a cow couldn't.
The fat passenger said, eyes, he knew
that, but any man who would crawl
through crack in the sidewalk after a
lost nickel wasn't exactly the kind of q
man to tackle q wolf in the dark"
The tall, thin passenger began to say
something about wolf being perfectly
safe i'll the Mammoth cave, if some men
were trying to get in after it, but the
train reached Boston just then, and that
dangerous discussion was abruptly
| closed
Next day, when we were running out
of Boston, we passed through Allston,
and 10 the biggest sign in all the town
looked upon us from above the windows
of grocery store: Henry W. Long
fellow, fine groceries"
"L always did WONDER" remarked the
sad passenger, eff LonRfellow made all
his money out of poetry?
" wonder" said the Cross passenger,
elf he stanzas high as he does as a
poet ?"
IF you could have crowded a few
more ases in there" said the passenper
with the goatee, "you might have start
ed Government corral"
"Forr ases is n mighty good hand, I"
said the man on the wood-box, but no
body understood what he meant.
"That isn't really the poet Longfel-
lows grocery, is it (? asked the tall, thin
passenger
cts his name," said the fat passen-
ger. "Let us soap it doesn't teas him."
That accounts for some of his versi-
fications," said the sad passenger.
How's that?"
lex ham METER" was the chilling
reply.
Arma, vlrumque can fruit" muir
INJURED the tall, thin passenger.
This sort of thing would have gone
on perhaps to the end of the run if the
conductor hadn't come along. We soon
heard the man on the wood-box explain
ing to him that Mt the last general dis
tribution of tickets he had been left out,
but-etc., etc. And as the conductor
only shook his head over tho etc., ETC.,
and glanced thoughtfully toward the
bell-cord, we hastened to chip in and
help the man on the wood-box out. He
said he was glad we did, because the con-
duotor was just going to.-Bo6 Bur-
| dette.
The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1881-02-24

The mystery was explained. I, not Miss
Raymond, was to be Mr.. Ohisholm's
wife. -5..,,r 81 ....
These events happened nearly five
years ago, and in all the time that has
passed since then have never once re-
gretted the birthday present made my
master. Netta's at school. On my
husbands knee sits q small Miles Chis-
holm, who is the delight of both our
hearts.
Miles senior is still eccentric, but there
is perfect sympathy between us; our
love has strengthened with each year.
And / am truly thankful to the Great
Giver who has ''cast my lines in such
pleasant Places
The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1881-02-24
THE DEAD NGO@N.

The moon Is in n state Of deerepitude, q dea
Torld.--P. octorS Lectures.
The moon is dead defunot-played out
~. So says . very learned doctor;
She looketh we'll, beyond doubt;
- A.. Perhaps she's In a trance, dear Proctor.
o.. at any rate, she's most enhancing
For one of such deerepit age;
And on her radiant beauties glanOinR,
She charms the eyes OF youth and sage.
And so the man upon hers perlshedl
He lived in doleful isolation;
Poor wretchi No wife his bosom cherished,
No children squalled his consolation.
Yet she's adored by all the gypses
Whose lovers sigh beneath her beams,
She aids the steps of staggering upsies,
And silvors DER romantic streams.
And once she caught Endymio sleeping,
And stopped to kiss him in grove,
Upon him very slyly creeping;
He was her irst and early love.
But that's q very ancient story,
And was youthful indiscretion,
Wheh she was In her primal glory,
Ere scandal schools had held q session.
Dear, darling moon! I dote upon her,
I watch her nightly in the sky;
But ohH upon my word Of honor,
I'd rather she were dead than I.
The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1881-02-24
A Truthful MAN.

A fat-footed, old-fashioned Western
merchant, hailing from country store
In Michigan, was buying stock in Ne@
York, and the firm took advantage of
the occasion to make inquiries concern
ing some of their customers around him.
When they asked about Smith, of Cash
vile, he replied:
"Smith Yes, he's in trade yet, but
he's just married q second wife. and she's
going through his wealth like saltpeter.
He'll fail in less'n six months"
"How about Jones, of your town."
"Jones Well, Jones is pegging along
after the old style, and he's bought him
a bicycle, and everybody says he'll go to
the wall in year."
"And Brown & Son--are they all
right2"
Brown & son2 Wall, they may
keep along till spring, but I doubt it.
Old Brown has got so nigh.sighted that
he can't tell sheep pelt from O coon
skin, and the boy is dead stuck on a
widow woman who never wears anything
less than $6 stockings"
isn't he?" ....1
"Davis / YAH, pooty fair, but he
won't last. He rented the upper part
OF his store to q Chicago miliiner. and
she broke up two families and caned O.
preacher. Everybody blames Davis, and
his sales last week only footed up q
pound OF saleratus and washboard."
Well, you are the only customer out
there, and, Of course, you are all right. "
me Wall, I'm all right just now,
but things may change. Ny wife be.
longs to three literary societies and is
the big toad at church festivals, while
I've bought 2:40 trotter and learned tc
play old sledge. You needn't be sur
prised any day to hear that I've beer
busted from garret to cellar 80 clear
that creditors can't find enough DIR,
goods to wipe baby's nose on.
The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1881-02-24
Put a StOD to 1t.

A Frenchman whose wife was about to
present him with the fond appellation of
father" retired to await the happy mo-
ment, and with some friends to drink
long life and q noble to the first born.
The punch bowl scattered its inviting
fumes most prodigally around the COM
pany, and anxiety was manifested by all,
when in ran Betty Lightfoot, exclaim-
ing:
Joy, Joy, sirl I give you JOY"
"vat is he, Betty, vat Is hep"
"a fine boy, sir"
''Health to the young Marquis!" ex-
claimed one, and bumpers went around.
"Betty, you must drink Won life to the
jung Marhnis."
Betty raised the glass to her lips, when
in rushed the nurse:
"Joy, joy, sir, Igive you joy"
"Vat-vat-is the matter p?
"a fine girl, sir!'
BETTY" said the Frenchman, looking
stern, ''vat for you say no true?"
"Oh, said the nurse, 80 boy first and
girl afterward"
"Vat, two-von boy-von fille?"
1.-TWO, sir, added the dame, and help
ing herself to glass, was swinging it
of, when in popped another:
"Sacrep exclaimed the Frenchman,
swat, more joyP"
another fine boy, sir''
"Vat the diable--von girl-von boy
ongarcon tree times Mon Dieu!" be-
walled the poor Frencman. 'By gar, it
will never do. I must go and put o.
stop to it,"
A Desperate Threat.
A wag, having held q nice fat Office for
many years undisturbed, suddenly found
himself called to account for some tri-
Aing discrepancies, and dismissed. In q
p, terrific rage he left the scene of his dis
grace, and, shaking his fist at the wit
nesses against him, exclaimed:
"This is not the end of it The con-
sequences be upon your own heads if
this results in murder
He was at once arrested for threaten
ing the life of witness, but was released
amidst shouts of laughter, when he ex-
planned, saying:
" Gentlemen, I am o regularly gradu-
ated physician. In the twenty years I
have held Office my profession has been
sadly neglected. In consequence of
present necessity am forced to resume
that profession to support myself"
1t is safe to say that he did not win
patients from among his audience by his
frank confession, if he did get the laugh
on his enemies.
The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1881-02-24

GRAom's first experience on eating a
peach: "IVe eaten it cloth and all,
mamma; now what shall L do with the
bonA2" '. -
The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1881-02-24

WTANTED-A Cashier. Must write =
w good hand, and be intelligent. Apply
between ten and twelve at - Broadway"
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1881-05-10
NIX CTiTURE.

The Womon's silk Culture Association held rs
first annual meeting in Philadelphia recently.
THE TRIBUNE has already called attention to
this association as one Of the few rational and
prnctical efforts made 10y American women to
help the condition of other women. Their idea
Is 10 induce farmers wives and daughters in
this country to add silk culture to their other
industries, not with the intention of growing
rich thereby or even of making it the sole
means of support, but of adding yearly to their
income a sure and comfortable sum. They
were moved TO their action by consideration Of
the fact that while the manufacture OF silk In
the United States was rapidly increasing every
year. all the raw silk used by our manufacturers
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1881-05-10
Personal.

The Crown Prince Of Sweden Is acting as Regent
Of the Kingdom during the absence IN England Of
his father and mother.
one tragic phase of the recent execution In Russia
las in the fact that the Judge who pronounced tho
death sentence upon sophie Pierohska was a COM
paniOn Of her childhood, and once suitor for her
hand.
Duyeneck. the successful American artist, now
settled in Florence. il a Kentuckian. o native OF
Coyngton. Mr.. Duveneck is one of the happy ar
fists who never lack for orders and can command
their own prices lie has under his instruction
class Of eighteen students.
Mr. David Neal, the American artist who has bon
studying AID painting abroad for the mast eighteen
years proposes 10 return to this country in October.
He Is now engaged upon a painting representing
Oliver Cromwell visiting John Milton Mr. Meals
eight ears-old is musical genius-a persistent
composer. One OF his compositions WAS recentlypro-
duced at Munich at promenade concert by an OF
chcstrd Of sixty pieces, and created good deal OF
excitement IN that musical city.
Queen Victoria had sincere regard for Lord Bea-
coasfed and treated HIM with marks Of personal
friendship He himself proud 60 show. The lon
dom gOyd SAYS. the pretty valentines he received
every year With the signature From your alice
tionate Sovereign" Once, II is related, he was
a-hed how IL was he managed % be such tayorito
If Her Majesty, and he answered seutentiousy:
Well you see, never contradict, aud sometimes
forgot
The late Emile de Girarln was one Of the hardest
working journalists OF The time. lie never employed
o. sccrct9ry and hunted mp all his references himself
his articles being famous for the quantity Of cits-
tons. He never refused 10 see anyone who called
upon him. III deny myself 10 any stray caller
he used 90 say Il may DO turning away the good
(ortur. for which have been waiting No long" lie
began work go q every morning IN little room, fhe
4. d 4 stF gN
containing the extracts on which ho depended 80
much lle used "a GET through the business Oh the
day hel0r. breakfast lie rode and drove constantly
In thc B,., aud made II a rule never 30 Do absent
from Ii important premiere"