The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-05-07
zEPH PARKER STRATEGEM

ZEPH PARKER'S STRATEGEM
SLEEPY, baby faced set o pcOpley All
they! Baby-iaced enough, you bet but tel
you, | believe they're 'bcout born with theiI
eye teeth cut in their celestial jaws; and yoi
We got to get up airly, sir, if you want to TAKE
in Chinee"
The speaker was q hard faced, hollow jawct
gentleman, In a gloomy, black suit which tit
.ed him very badly. and the remark was made
in the smoking-rOom of the CONTINENTAL
There he was to be seen daily, and he was
supposed to have the "spcckylators fits In lies :
In other words, he was believed to have made
a fortune in petroleum, At all events he hat
plenty of money, and was very generous II
the spending OF it,
The conversation was the vexed Chinese
question and he had struck INTO the discus
sion.
"Rcck'lect," he said, "there was Zeph Par
ker. He was deep 'un, was Zeph! lie was
long % me and few more up to Nevada, jus
'bc0ut the time of the silver craze. The boys
had been washing tor gold; honestlike, meow
outer the stream; and when they'd done with
bit % wash dirt, an gone off to another
claim, Mister Washee Washee Chinee would
come and go over the dirt after them, and be
satisfied with what he got Then comes the
silver craze. All on us goes off and loses oil
we'd made IN gold, gifts no silver, and come;
back disappointed 10 try after the gold again
"Gucss we might try and try again, but NO
gold could we get; and all 'beout us was them
smoothfaced, pigtailcd Cinnamon, git,ln' on
prosperous and conteDted
81 tell ycw,' said Zeph, i shall 90 and muir
der one o. them emllln' teapots. can't stand
1t much longer
This here was in our bit of a tent, where
we had been making ourselves happy, playin'
noker on credit and keepln account,
".Wba, iSrr seq |.
"'What for y cries Zeph, Dew yew think
that l. an enlightened citizen Of free COUNTY,
am gwinc to set down and be robbed O. my
mess o. golden pottage by a pact. g smilin'
washer Women faced, Opium.smOkn' celestial
Jacobsp No. stree, this dogs gwine to biter
"'But don't kinder see what this dogs
gwine to bite fur SCI l. Teapot amt done
nothIn' to you
"'Matavs' seq Zeph. getting on the barrel as
had been his seat things has come to purty
pass with us, hevent theyr
Fright, old hoss,' sez some one, hammerin'
the chest lid as had been our table.
"'Iaz any man here got any tobaccov seq
Zeph
"'No.'
"'Hax any man go. rot any dust''
ono
"'Any -four, or pork, or boots, or new blan,
ssetsr
"No, no, no, nor
""rhen them Chinese has, continued Zeph
and what says is this--Gs it is Sin and a
shame to let pack of healhenish Cusses like
them tcapots, as never goes to churches nor
listens to parsons
al say Zeph,' SCI some one, when did you
go to meetln' lastr
"Never you mind SEE Zeph, don't INFER
rupt man rs wants to give you su'hin' to
eat. A set Of cusses, | sea, as never goes to
meetin' and believes IN nothin' but Joss houses
say, it's sin to let 'em be glttin' fat on our
land, while we're rs thin and starvcd,lookln
as--aS-'
Gas ole Zeph Parker himself SCI Tom
Pagglns.
"'Waal, ez thin ca | am, II you like, sez
Zeph.
This is all very purity SEE, but we can,
go and take claim from the teapots, Zeph
nor we can't rush EN- and annex the dust aud
nuggets they've washed out
"'No,' SCI Zeph, winking one eye; 'bnt We
KIN strategise en-
"'HowP SEE l. Don't kinder see it, They
Ter too deep to be done
"Yah! SEE Zeph, they're 'beout ez deep as
two cent plate. Give me the means and III
sell the lot and put good pocketfu o. dollars
or dust In every mans pockct-slx on u.s.
"But what means dyer want" sex.
Zone handful o. dust SEE Zeph.
"And how are We to get itr SEE Tom Pag
gins.
This how SEE Zeph. Morrow mornin
every man hyars got to 90 round the camr
and cadge. Tell the boys we're hard up, bu
we've got good thing on. They'll subscribe
a little all round. Yew see If they don't
"'Well, we'll try seq we; and we went I,
sleep hungry and ravenous.
There was nothin' tor it but To go to work
and Oft we wen., getting back 10 our tent a
IL o'clock, when five out of the six had got
little gold dust. was the unlucky one, beinl
"a bad beggar, and had none.
"'Now then seq Tom Paggins as soon n
the dust was put together-about spoonful
of ghttering stuff-let's go up to the stor
and get drink
THAT you jest won't, said Zeph, grinning
I'm kinder gwine 10 throw all this here dus
away-l'm gwine 10 SOW il, tor u crop 10 CON
up
ave all grumblcd for we were almight
hungry; but we all had kind Of trust Il
Zeph, and gave way.
"Lookee hyar, lads ser he; it's Just |
o'clock now, so lets 30 round and git mouth
full where We cam ~
Lets go up to Billy Bolly's store, and ssC
HIM TO give us square meal, and stick il up,
SEE. He'll trust u.s.
Think he wouldp SEE Zeph.
"'Sartin,' sez, If you show him that golt
aud tell him there's something good on