Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1881-04-22
IN A NUTSHELL.
Why is dandy like a mushroom !?
Because he's regular saphead-
His waste is remarkably slender.
His growth is exceedingly rapid,

And his top is uncommonly tender.

His growth is exceedingly rapid,
And his top is uncommonly tender.
pa asked little Blodgers of his
parent. what is paper made OFF
Lies !" roared the elder. ''Lies, infer
nal lies, outrageous, villainous lies ~
And the innocent boy wrote it down
that way in his composition.
(Which is the more delicate sense,
feeling or sight?' asked a professor
Feeling" responded student. Give
proof of it, with an example. y
'Well, my chum can feel his mustache
but nobody else can see it," responded
the student.
Il don't like JONES'" said Snodgrass.
No" he added after a pause. Il
don't like him. The fact is, Jones
speaks 50 much Of himself-tells 50
much, yon know, that he doesn't leave
.-.-.' f.--.-' room for the imagination. Does
any reader know Jones ?''
Out in Leadville, when one is intro
duced to stranger, the polite thing is
to ask, "What was your name before
you came here?" The next question.
according to the rules of etiquette, is.
How did you manage to escape ?-Oa
City Derrick
Secretary Window was tailor in
his earlier days. He learned the bus
mess of J. d. Bark, of Waterford, O..
and partly supported himself in the
Martinsburg (Ohio) Academy by MAX
ing fine coats for the village tailors.
The leaders of Russian society in
Paris have decided upon Observing
J. l,S1I
which they will see no company. The
ladies are to wear coarse black stuff
dresses with long square trains, and
long thick wells.
The habits of American girls marry
ing Italian Counts has slackened UP a
little of late. A life of following
around a hand-organ and passing the
tamoourine for pennies is not as at
tractive as formerlY.-Imner'S Falls
ReDorter.
A petulant old lady having refused
suitor to her niece, he expostulated
with her, and requested her plainly to
communicate her reasons. II see the
villain in your face" said she. "That
Is personal reflection, madam an
swered the lover.
The supreme court of Pennsylvania
recently decided in case where Il
servant found u roll of bank bills in the
public parlor, which were retained by
the proprietor of the hotel, that ''the
finder of a lost article is entitled to it.,
as against everybody except the
owner"
A Philadelphia society is wrestling
with the question, "When a man has
his life insured for 100000, is his wife
justified IN refusing to prepare mus
tard plaster for him when he is seized
with a sudden and severe attack of the
cramps?'-Philadeiyhia Chronicle Her-
aM.
Russian ladies, it is said, always wear
consequence of the intense cold no or
Lynx Is most frequently nsed, and ev-
cry young Russian bride has one or
two under-garments in this fur, and
then is considered set up in life.
Senator David Davis, says a cores
pondent who has known him Tor near
ly thirty years, can safely be said to be
the most extensive land owner in Cen
trail Illinois, and his total wealth, at a
fair estimate, can be placed at $2,O00,-
600. His taxes amount to about ST.
600 yearly.
A man ut Wareham, Mass, had a
windfall recently. On the bay large
fields of ice were driven upon the flats
by a heavy southeast storm, and when
the tide went out it left the ice resting
upon the beds of oysters. When the
tide as ain came in the ice hoated, and
the oysters becoming frozen to it were
lifted from their beds. The wind drove
the fields of ice over to the west side,
where IL broke up, discharging the
cargo of about 1000 bushels of bivalves
upon small oyster grant.
Old Mother Shipton's prophecy seems
to have slightly unbalanced the gov
ernor Of Vermont, who has issued Il
proclamation appointing April as a
day of fasting and prayer. In rather
significant strain he goes on to observe:
"We know not the future. Seedtlme
and harvest and the SHOWS of winter
have come and gone in continuous sue
cession and infinite variety from the
dawn of the worlds history until the
present time, yet no human foresight
can tell us that we shall again plant in
peace and quiet, and reap in abund-
ance and contentment."
Harper's Young People has attained
a circulation of $4,000 copies in little
over year of existence The story of
Toby Tyler" by Boston gentleman
who is particular about concealing his
identity, has been so successful with
young readers that many of them, be
lieving that the hero was real charac-
ter, have sent small sums Of money 10
the publishers to help the poor boy
along. Toby is youth who ran away
with circus and had an experience
which will not encourage boys to do
likewise.