The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1881-06-28

Another ODD Occupation That
Seems 70 Seek ouarssrs Only
.-- IN New York

Il WV ASte Soo-
"A nan csae in here . uonsh seo vi,h
bugle like . Locomotive headlight. He
ieasried his sign With him in fact. To dsy
b. proudly v.lks the streets an apparsn,ly
cor6, med apostle Of Temperance"
ais good csnser
" &c, lie . good cause, bot il hurts
business. That IL to ssy, IL hurts nv basi-
oss, " said the profs~or. whose fame NJ 4
healer oi rid noaes h rapidly spreading.
Prsv, hoe ere ihes- cures Effected? BY
total sb.,ineuee, OF the prInciple Of similar
| sioilibGs cursntor?"
"By neither. In fact total abstinence
would send me into bankruptcy" replied
the professor, ~ he vigorously famed him
seif ard the pesspirsi'on rolled down hi.
brow. The laboratory was indeed no;
place, in which the reduction Of shirt COLI
lars 70 pulp vss nothing but a question
Of time.
"You see this jar" he continued. point
ing TO . large glaze receptacle three-Qnsrters
foil Of white s0bstance of shout the cOnsis-
tsncy Of sOft ice cream, hut without the
objectionable faculty of melting still fur
thes. "Well, ,hars my celebrated mortsr.
and its dicovery vzs the result OF singu-
lar combination Of accident and skilled
talent in the medical profession. OF whA,
is il composed! Well. cf courss that. INV
recre;, bot ! assure you it il perfectly harm-
lea"
Tie dipped spoon in the jar and d.bbsd
the mortar in his eyes, and then took au-
other spoonful and swallowed il.
"rry some" he said. enlhusia-ticslly.
"A baby could eat il all day, the ssme ~
ice cresm. without any more effect. IL
fact, the effect would not BE- near so great.
You must nat understand. hovsver, that
the mortar il for Internal n.e. Its applic,-
iioa IL external and il works its way IN
ward. II il ny no mesns q paint or . skin
lotion, like hundreds Of useless remedies
ihat are preacsibed.'
"Do YOU 60 out to applv it?"
"W~li, very seldom. Its application j.
very easy when once UNDERWOOD II shoald
he spilled before retiring. and wash.d ca
after rising. often meet patients in the
STREET vhO wear ihin end almost imper.
c-p,ibls cost of the mortar"
"hos are rsi noses prodncei"
From . vsriety of c.uses. The sorsi
cases are tho.e of men who drink bad
liquor. IL seems to have . penchant for q
men or . woman's nose, and to shun other
psrss Of the body. Why, man csDe To
NE three months ago in gyest d'stre-s. His
nose sss perfect sight II Vas = good
sis>d Ro0sn. He said his business vss
such that he was forced TO 20 around and
drink wine- snd rpir,;s Unfortunately
sccording to the company he found him
self in. some OF j. was pretty bad, but hs
couldn't 70 back on il, ~ he sold j, himself.
H. se<.1s<{uInsn. IN h. nnp
gave him . hottie and said, Nc
cure. no pay Ia . veek biz nose vss a.
white ~ IN infsnt's; whittier, in fact, a.
they generally rub EN- red on . pillow"
added the professor. Who vas evidently
Family man. "Well. this chap came back
and paid me, end seemed disappointed ut
the email price. He ssid to color bis nose
had cost him good many ihou.and dol
lars. Whenever his nose gets rel he
comes to see me.
sober causes for ret noses? Well, club
men and ladies and gentlemen in the upper
circles, Who live luxuriou.ly. and eat rich
food, are often afflicted with them. Poor
food also causes them. Many young shop
girls come here With red noses and biotchs.
caused By eating douRhputs, cruilers, pi-
and confectionery. You se~, the poor
shings have neither time nor money to run
out and get . square meal. I told one Of
'em 70 eschev pie and eat mesl for awhile,
and che would save the expense Of the
mortar. The nssty ssu6; hate it, she
replied.
"Driskine causes red eyes With many,
This 10 sovereign cure"
"Hov shout black eyes?"
"WelI, il cures black eyes instantly. II
doesst paint them. You see, I regard
myself - physician. not On artist"
The sosrascs Of patient interrupted The
conversation.