Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1881-05-12

It's hard for Il country jake to con-
vey TO his Susan Jane the exact situa-
ton when first the arrow is lodged in
his heart. The attitudes and awkward
combinations of personal presentation
are painful to an outsider to say moth
ing of what he suffers. See him cross
his legs, first one on top and then the
other, and then see him shoot them out
in front, and run his hands in his pock-
cts: then he draws in his feet, doubles
them under the chair, pulls his hands
out of his pockets and drops them
down by his side, stretches, yawns,
bushes, and almost dies trying to say
it, Poor fellow, it is martyrdom while
il lasts, and when he does "get his
mouth off, it's like putting Il beggar on
horseback; he just canters off to para
disc with a happy-go-lucky indifference
that is cnyiablc, barring an obstruction
on the track, and then over on his head
he tumblcs, when cruel parents inter
vcnc and.refuse to ratify
4 ludicrOuS case of this sort Of agony
occurred near the place of my nativity
about twenty-five years ago, i'll which
| had my sympathies so reused that !
was moved to lend the hero some as
SistanCe. His name was Joe, and his
girls, Martha Jane, to whom he had
surrendered his entire heart, stock, lock
and barrel-withOut reservation OF any
kind, which she gushingly reciprocated
by adding her entire stock in trade in
the partnership proposed. But the old
FOLKS demurred- refused TO ratify-
threatened Il war of eXterminatiOn-
banishcd Joe, and bclicd Martha Jane,
besides several other threatened acts Of
lire hostility. In fact, Joe and Martha
Jane had the biggest spiderput in their
dumping ever known since Adams
and EYES apple scrape. Their hearts
all but "busted'-but they didn't.
The parties were ncighbors lived in
sight OF each other--Iuc ulI the kill
and Martha lame in the bottom. When
Martha Jane came forth to nOurish her
young fowls with Il preparation Of
ground corn and water, she would cast
her loving eyes upward and rest them
ON Joe, who would from above look
down alIcctionately on his Martha
Jane, and they would sigh and swallow
great hunks of grief as big as apple
dumplingS.
Joe was SO badly off that | was sorry
for him, and when he called upon ne
to assist him, | proceeded ut once tC
the prospective mothel-in-law (morc or
less) with my clOquence, "from whom
| proceeded from whcnce'-nOt run.
ming, but my time was good. | re.
ported progress, and begged to be eN'
cuscd. Joe got worse and worse
threatened to commit well, to steaI
something, and did make divers efforts
to steal his girl, but the old folks Slept
on their arms. Joe was getting terri
bly, bad off; he said he must have her
that | must steal her for him. | treC
to prevail on him to bide his time; but
no, have her he must, and | must dc
the job for him; he knew | could do i
if | would, and he wanted it done righ
off.
When | found Joe couldn't wait,
consented to try my hand. | wa
about Martha's age and the though
occurred to me that | would dress il
woman's clothes, and let Joe steal mt
and see if it would 'sorter' cool his al
dor. | conllded my plan to some o
the boys, and they approved it, an,
promised their assistance. We con
cluded that we would let the old man
Martha James father, into the secret
and arrange for him to pursue us wit
+ his houpds, of which he had about
dozen, len we made the attempt
The old man entered into the atfai
= eagerly, for he despised Joe.
After we had fixed all the prelim
, narias of time, place, and manner Q
+ proceeding, we adjourned to meet tn
n next Sunday night and have the chast
a We met according to adjournment q
the time agreed, and Il woman hitche
i me up in some of her gear, with a pa
: eel of things tied round my waist
Il don't know what they were, but | knO'
n the outside was calico, and it was i
II two pieces; one was the tail, whic
4 was tied on first, and the other was
sort of Jacket with sleeves to it, {
some dark sort of stuff. These, wit
a white sunbOmet and n blue vel
and some cotton stuffed in judiciousI
to give me a gushing makeup, havill
k been provided as indispensable to N
5 toilette, was ready and willing TO |
s Joes-fora time.
r; When we arrived near Martha Jane
t, house, the old man was waiting for IL
t. We arranged that after we had s,
If about u quarter of u mile off, one
S, our party, who remained behind f,
n the purpose) should notify Joe that v
10 had Martha Jane, and when Joe can
!g tearing by the house the old man WI
ID to give him a salute from his dOubl
le barrelled shotgun. Very soon he
le came Joe full tilt down the hill towal
ID the creek. Bang went the venerab
t; shot gun, and away went Joe, and SOC
y came the old man on his swaybat
es horse, with his hounds and shotgu
a and accompanied by his son.
II. Mitchellville was the objective poi
lie of the expedition, and it was abo
er five miles off. The boys got Jot
le arms from him to protect his girl, al
at prevailed on him torush ahead, pay t
Ill toll-gate fees, proceed on to Mitche
IS vile and have the license ready so
as to have no delay. Accordingly, j
r. went off at a lope, paid the toll for
IL and gave strict orders not to let MI
Is, tina Jones father through, but VIII
he the old man came to the gate, he j.
up jumped his old sway-back over it, a
on he came, his hounds in full G.