The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1881-08-25


has been greatly benefited by its use in a case
of severe rheumatism, and he refers to it in
terms ofhighest praise.
1t is safe for women, it is said, to use toy
pistols, for they are never known to have lock-
jaw. @ fg''t
Perhaps, on the whole, it will not be well to
give up Hartmann until the gentleman is
caught a'sg 90 aaaia - tiaaa ffziiR ro
\ No matter how tight mans boot may fit
there is always room for snakes to get into
them. 1853 4td @laI IL .ae.s ig ae aRp sat
Some men are born great, some achieve
greatness, and others write 1900 words on a
postal card. -t -.
A fsherman's, occupation ought to be the
most profitable because his entire gross re-
ceipts are net profits. = 'f
Mana is the name of the chief of the muir
derous red devils in New Mexico. He is not
so bad, however, as Zola's novel, -isSt as.t
When the grumbling citizen rushes into
print with his complaint, he writes his
wrongs whether he obtains redress Or not. a
A Vassar girl defined ''straw'' as being
hollow thing with ten-cent man on one end,
and twenty-five cent drink on the other.
A very small boy can get outside of very,
large watermelon in very small space of tlme
but it takes a very large doctor to harmonic
the two. p4 sdT - n3g l}et{3F 8. ~
The report that the crematory at Washing
ton, Pa, was going out of favor is denied. 1t
appears that lots of. people are just dying to-
get into it.
much sickness about the city, doctor?" was
asked a physician. well, you can say the
business is improving" answered the smiling
mterrogatee "a aAate ad 20 s@ea i&@as
Susan B. Anthony says she has been preach-
ing female suffaage for thirty years What
she preached during the earlier and greater
portion of her life ISIS not tated.
Inquirer: "Is it wicked to go fishing, Sun
day, if you don't catch anything?' 1t is hor-s
ribly wicked: You've no business to waste
time, and profanity is always wicked. a.sAFis
| Standing jokes are common enough, but
nobody ever hears of sitting one. What of
the young man who sat down on his sweet,
hearts new bonnet and sang, "Im sitting on
the style, Mary ?" sit7 y saA1 'ss'a
Some one wrote to Horace Greeley, inquir-
ing if guano good to put on potatoes He
said it might do for those whose tastes had
become vitiated with tobacco and rum but he
preferred gravy and potatoes.
| Not long ago, in French provincial thea
tire, baritone made a fearful croak. Kisses
and laughter in the audience Then the artist
came gravely forward and saluted the au-
dience.: sMesseurs, I discover thatI have is
sued false note; withdraw it from circula-
ton. 'f'st ~ @fs
Nine. D. to one of her friends-"You have
seen the comet, have you not ?'' 'sNot very
well; l have been going to bed early these.
last three or four nights. But this evening r
intend to sit up and have a good look at Il. .
| The maid servant who happens to be in the
room-"Oh! madams, then is i; going through
this street," aa4 .siqasa - = -. : g p
| A lady barber of Homer, Ill, has shut mn
shop to marry a wealthy farmer with gwhoF,
she scraped an acquaintance and NAV ne ay-
pected to razor quota of little shayers 10 hs1,
the world along. She is said to be vo,snss
handsome and accomplished, and in the prs,ass
OF native OF her town, "slung as slick a 'hloSa
as any galoot in the burg" '''''e
Chautauqua Lake is too far inland for 80
serpent, but the other day big turtle Z sss
young woman by the ear, While sbs 800 80 y
oathlng IN the lake. and came ,vitb;., -. y
drowning her 1.-The turtles head has' =. ~
cut on and its jaws pried apart before 4 ,So,,id
release its hold" Well, that's 49,. - nd
s s.se story for fresh water Iaks PIE
turtle, which was as big around as the the BOSTON,
81 wash tub, probably mistook the ua. iii ear
girl. sAe ~ !" "''s sli AR