The Portland daily press., 1881-03-11
Spoopendyke
Has an Adventure with a Dog.
brooklyn Eagle. 1

brooklyn Eagle.l
"Look here, my DEAR said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, as he led huge and shaggy dog into his
wife's room, eve got dog, a friend of mine
gave me- What do you think of him?"
"Good gracious!" calculated Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke mounting chair in dismay. 'eIs he
mad?"
'No, Mrs. Spoopendyke, retorted her hus-
band, she not oaly is not mad, but he ism It a
stepladder either, nor a birds eye view
He's dog, and if you don't get down out of
that chair, he'll probably bite yonr legs off,"
Mrs. Spoopendyke sat down on her feet and
eyed the brute with some trepidation.
'Maybe he's got the hydrophobia," she sug-
gested by way of hearty welcome.
"P'raps he has, agreed Mr.. Spoopendyke,
"but if he has he's got it in his pocket Come
here. doggee, doggee, doggeep' and Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke snapped his fingers persuasively.
'Why don't he come when you call him?''
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, deeply interested in
the proceedings. | @
Because you make such dod gasted noise
you scare him." explained Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Come, doggee, doggee!' " $50
out" objected Mrs. Spoopendyke. SIT don't
look natural"
MAYBE you don't like the way his tail hangs
out, either. P'raps you think that's artificial,
too. With your information about dogs YOU
only need slat bottom and broken hinge to
be dog pound. Keep quiet, now, while 1
teach him some tricks. Come, here, doggee!
Sit up, STRIP
The dog stretched out his forelegs, opened
mouth like a folding bedstead and growled.
What makes him do that?" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke,. sitting on the back of the chair
with her feet in the seat
dyke: "Who do you s'pose made him do it?
Think he works with wire? Got notion he
goes by steam? He don't. / tell We, he's
alive, and he does it because that's the bent of
his his measly ss mind What are ,ye sitting up
Now you sit still. Here, doggee, doggee, good
doggee, sit up and beg!" and Mr. Spoopendyke
held up an admonitory finger.
The dog eyed Mr.. Spoopendyke with any
thing but an assuring glance.
Hes hungry" suggested Mrs Spoopen-
dyke: dogs do like that when they want to
be taken down in the yard and fed.''
"Of course you know" grumbled Mr., Spoop-
endyke. "All you want is perfect ignorance
on the part Of the police to be dog fight. Got
anything in the honse for him to eat?"
There's some cold oyster stew and piece
of custard pie
That's it!'' raved Mr.. Spoopendyke.
That's what's the matter with the dog. He
wants pie! You've got it. You only need
committee and fight over the proceeds to be
bench show. Where's the oysters? Don't
ye see the dogs pining for oysters? Havn't ye
got some cold coffee? Give him lemon to
stay his stomachr' and Mr.. Spoopendyke
jumped straight up in the air and landed on
the dog.
The dog made for the open air with a howl
and MIR. Spoopendyke gathered up twelve
baskets of himself and looked after his prize
"Never mind, DEAR" said Mrs. Spoopendyke
soothingly, "hell come back"
IF he does IN kill him." shouted Mr.
Spoopendyke. "See what you've done? You We
made me lose my dog and torn my trousers.
Anything more about dogs you don't know?
Got any more intelligence to impart about
dogs? All you want is a bucket of brandy
around your neck and a snow storm to be a
mouk of St. Bernard" with which logical con-
cluson Mr.. Spoopendyke began exploring his
outlying districts for possible bites, while his
oysters and the custard pie by the sudden and
eminently satisfactory disaffection of the dog