Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-09-28
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2S, 1881.
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE.


She found her boy all doubled up,
And wound up in the bedding
He yelling like calhope,
And copious tears a shedding.
ssWhat is It darling. Tell me dear"
He tried his sobs to smother,
And managed to gasp out these words,
"Them-darn-green- apples-mother."
ALWAYS toney-The voice.
THE cry of the competing railroads
"Give us fare fight
THERE is only one way to make boy
keep quiet, and that is to set him to
work yelling to scare crows.-Boston
Post.
"NEvER get nothin' right in the
papers,, moaned an old man in the bas-
tile last night. "Name spelled wrong
in the police report again this morning. )"
All, Bill, good day. Been away?
Yes; but didn't stay. Some future day.
when [ gent more pay, then L may stay.
Day-day.
IRATE sportsman: "Confound it!
you've shot the dog! [ thought you
told me you could hold gum" Pat:
"Shure, and so can, your honor. It's
the shot, sor, / couldn't hould!''
SICKNESS on the tented field is cam
pa1gn ncident.-Iotedo american.
And after nights trihing with Held
seick it is a champagne incident. Som
e7UiIte Journal
WHY would Eve never give Adam
clean towel? Because, after they had
been hustled out of the garden, she
would have nothing more to do with
wipers.
GENERAL LEE is said to have asked a
straggler, whom he found eating green
persimmens, if he did not know they
were unfit for food. "I'm not eating
them for food, general" replied the
man; I'm eating them to draw up my
stomach to fit my rations.
An Irishman applied to a lady, who
had taken house at Bray for the sum-
mer, for employment. "But, my good
man, replied the lady, 81 have brought
my servants with me. I have nothing
for you to do" "Ah, thin, ma Fam. If
We only knew how little work it'd take to
occupy me"
WHY do good boys die? Well, at
Sunday school picnic in this state one of
them drank nine glasses of lemonade,
three of root beer, ate three dishes of ice
cream, two oranges, three sandwiches,
piece of pie, lot of candy, a pint of pea
nuts, slice of watermelon and two
pears. Detroit Free Press.
f'WHY, old fellow, thought you were
dead long ago." he exclaimed, grasping
his friends hand and shaking it with an
enthusiasm that almost brought tears to
his eyes. "No not Dead" he responded
calmly. CT expected to be, but
divorce court INTERVIEWED in time to save
ne"
Id,
age was up. Falling on his knees he
cried: "Angelina, dearest, make me the
happiest of men by accepting my heart
and hand" Casting one look at the
great paw Angelina thrilled in every
fibre as she replied sweetly: go, Adolf
phus, this is more than / expected. >
Boston Transcript.
EXPERIMENTAL: "Wheww said the
minister, as the barber put the bay rum
on tender face. Powerful, amt imp"
fsWell," says Moses, 81 just put it on
for an experiment. Chow SOP" quoth
the parson. "You see," said Nose, :" L
put some on chap the other day, and
he yelled out: 'Damnation that would
make a minister swear So [ thought
I'd try it. Exchange.
''DENNIs, my boy" said a school
master to his Hibernian pupil, 81 fear I
shall make nothing of you-you've no
application can sure enough, sir,
said the quick-witted lad, "isn't it me-
self that's always been tould there is no
occasion for it? Don't [ see livery day
in the newspapers that No Irish need
apply, at all, att Hartford Times.
'sTHE lurid flames shot their red
tongues of fire high up toward the glow
ing heavens, as if they were, in their
vengeful fury, endeavoring to scar the
bright faces of the twinkling stars" 1t
was only a $50 stable, containing $25
worth of hay, but the reporter felt that
way and really couldn't help it.--Detroit
Free Press.
CAN inquisitive old gent poked his
head into printing Office and asked,
"Who is dead?" The man at the
wheel answered, Nobody that I have
heard Of" The old gent asked, What
is this Grape on the door for?" The
boss went out and found that the
<sdevil" had hung the job Office towel
on the door knob while he chased lame
pigeon up an alley.
"BLAzING" trees consist of chipping 6
small portion of the bark from the trees
db SIOIC IAGC1 N6iIo, Willie passing
unexplored forests; and by this means
by closely observing these scars, one il
enabled to return at will. Should any
one doubt the truth of the above state
1nent, let him ask any old woodman wha
he should do to find is way home whel
in a strange forest, and ten to one h
will answer: Go to blazes
A CLEVER sell is perpetrated on thu
guests of Glen Mountain House, Wat
kin's Glen, n. Y. On tree near tn,
piazza, fronting the glen, was hung
cage carefully covered with calico. Upol
it was printed the following notice
ssBlind red bat from Havana. Raise
the cover carefully, as the light Nigh
injure his eyesl" 1t is fun for the init
ated to sit there quietly and see victim
after victim carbohydrates the curtain,
and disclose suspended within the cage
"a brickbat!