South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-12-02
WIT AND HU NOR.


DoINe NOTHING Perhap. those you b
who are satisfied with doing nothing,
may see their mistake from the follow.
ing anecdote:
There was boy liz school once who
was very lazy. He would sit on hi.
seat all day and do nothing. lie never
made any noiso. nor disturbed any one.
He never whispered. nor got into any
mischief. The master never caught him
at tricks.
One day. rs he sat still and quiet, the
master came along by him and struck
him a smart blow with ferule. The
boy jumped up at the unexpected blow
and cried out:
Il amt doing nothing
That's just it, said the master; Il
want you do something.
So with some people. They think,
like this boy, that If they do nothing
wicked. they are right. We must not
only cease to do evil but learn to do
well.'-Kind Words.
An old farmer said to his sons s.
Boys, don't you ever speceriate or wait
for something to turn up; you might
just as we'll 60 and sit down on q stone
In the middle OF medder with pail
betwixt your legs and wait for a cow to
back up to you to be MIXED
Three gentlemen were stopping at a
tavern who bore the names of More
Strange and Wright. Said the last
There is but one rascal in this compan.
y, and that is Strange Yes answer
ed Strange. there is one More. Ave-
said More. that's Wright
Uncle Nose asked Gus de Smith why
II was that the weather was 80 much
warmer in summer than in winter. i
thought every darned fool knew that
gro"led Gus. so did L. boss. That's
why puts de question to you on pur-
pose TEXAS Siftings.
A young gentleman who is very par.
iicular about his washing, wrote n note
TO bis laundress, and at the same time
sent one to the object OF his affections.
Unfortunately, he put the wrong adj
dress on the envelopes and posted
them. The woman was puzzled, but
not in the least offended; but when the
young lady read: If you rumplc up
my shirt-bosoms and drag the button
off the collar any more. as you did the
last time, shall have to 60 somewhere
else she cried all evening and declared
she would never speak to him again!
Some one tells q good s.ory of
broad backed Kentuckian who went
down to New Orleans for the first time.
Whiskey and brandy and plain drinks
he knew, but as to the compounded and
favored liquors, he was know nothing.
Reposing on seat in the court of ST.
Charles, he observed q score of fashic:.
ables drinking mint jai'7s. Boy said
he, bring me glass OF that beverage,
When he had consumed the cooling
draught, he called TIE boy. BOY what
was my last remark 'Why, you or
dered julip.' That's right; don't for
get it-keep bringing EN-
1t is easy to pick holes in other peo
pies work. but it is far more profitable
to do better work yourself. Is there a
fool In all the world who cannot cri:i-
cise1 Those who can themselves do
good service are but as one TO a thou
sand compared with those who can see
faults in the labor Of others.
Il declare 1 was never more Impress
ed in my life with the foolishness of
flies exclaimed boarder TO his land
lady, as q couple OF winged voyagors
embarked in his soup plate. i do not
understand you. SIR, she said haughti.
ly. Well lie exclaimed, those poor
creatures undoubtedly supposed this
stuff was thick enough to float EN-
If was as bald as you,' said Gus de
Smith to one of the most prominent
citizens OF Austin, 4 would wear a wig
4 don't see why you should ever wear
wig,' wasltbe quiet response; IAN emp
~ barn don't need any roof
An opening: is there any opening
here for an intellectual writer 2 asked
seedy red nosed individual Of an edi.
tor. Yes, my friend, replied the lat
ter. ~ considerable carpenter roresee-
ing your visit, left an opening for you.
Turn the knob TO tho right