The Northern Pacific farmer. [volume] (Wadena, Minn.) 1878-1885, 1881-06-23
THE AMATEUR LAWYER,

VINO proposes to 'lAnock the Wind" Ont of
His Veteran Opponent, and His Doubtful
Success.
From the Quincy Modern Aryo
ina young lawyer conducting his first
CAGE before a jury is worthy Of the deepest
COMMUNICATION. Take him, for instance, in
the criminal court before which he has q
case. While the prosecuting attorney is
tying the first witness into bow. knots and
untying him again, the amateur sits listen
ing lntsntly. but endeavoring to look as I'M
concerned rs marble statue in thunder
storm. He throws in timid objections
every time he thinks he sees hole, and as
each one is overrulcd by the court he puts
on stern look, rs much as to say:
I'll knock the wind out of that in the
supreme COURT"
When the prosecutor. usually an old and
able attorney, lryly says, "Take the Wit
ness" the youthful aspirant trembles lit.
tie and endeavors to swallow something
that is sticking in his throat. He feels that
every eye in the room is upon him and that
they are as hot as stove-lids.
He fires q few initiatory questions at tic
witness, and warns as he proceeds until he
is brought up standing by: Oh: your hon
or, We object to such irrelevant questions, )"
followed by few scathing' remarks from
the prosecutor. The court sustains the OBJ
lection, and advises the young lawyer to
keep within the bounds, which set him to
wondering where in thunder the bounds
are. Objection follows objection, and each
one is promptly sustained. He wonders
why 1t is that free anc independent peo-
pie will tolerate such one sided justice.
Hs plunges ahead blindly now until he be-
comes SO confused that he does not know
r0fh o~ Aa sS~
gilt sign, or fy-wheel on q steam wood
with sigh of relief or something, tells
the witness: That's all. So he grinds
through, and at last the prosecutor rises
and proceeds to address the jury in a mas
terly style. AS he progresses picks the
evidence adduoed by the defence into par
tlcles fine enough to be incorporated into
Goldfish balls. The youthful Blackstone
wrestler begins to feel uneasy as his mind
reverts to the fact that in few moments
he must deliver his maiden speech, He
wishes the prosecutor would hold his grip
and keep it up until time to adjourn court,
feeling satisfied that he could make
splendid speech the next day
after nights fighting on the evil
dence. He tries to remember what the
witnesses swore to, but cannot recall their
evidence to save his life. The prosecutor
finally winds up with grand peroration,
men Of the jury" the youth nervouslv
fingers his moustache, if he happens to have
one about him, and wishes he had never be-
gun the abominable business, Cold chills
are lingering him all over the back, as if
measuring him for O new shirt, and his
spinal column acts like it WAS tired and
wanted to sit down awhile. Like Banquo's
ghost, the lump in his throat won't down by
an obstinate majority, and he swallows at it
and wonders what he is going to say and
how long it will take him to say it. As the
prosecutor calmly takes his seat the young
lawyer rises and moves to the front. He
dare not look at the audience, and tries to
imagine there is no one in the
room but himself and the twelve
sphyn1-like forms in the jury-box.
The eyes OF each juror are fixed upon
him, and he would almost relinquish his
cry of fire to divert their attention until he
gets start. Finally he s.rugs his shout
ders and manages to remark: Gentlemen
of the (swallow) jury" Very good. He
then surveys them moment, and every
man in the box thinks he is endeavoring to
read their thoughts; bat he isn't He is
wishing to gracious he could read his own
thoughts. At last he strikes out and goes
for them about their intelligent Looks and
how he feels that his clients interests are
safe in their hands. At the same time he
feels serious doubts as to their safety in
his own hands. He worries through his
speech with an average Of two swallows at
that lump to the sentence. The prosecutor
closes the argument and the case goes to
the jury, who retire to a secluded room to
chew tobacco and ask each other what they
thought of it. It SO happened that the
t1imsy testimony against the accused war
rants a verdict of not guilty. whereupon the
amateur grasps his clients hand, Whispers:
1T was hard fight, but I got you out of it"
Then he rises, loads up enough law books
to swamp mud-scow, casts a triumphant
glance at the prosecuting attorney, who
smiles pleasantly in rteurn, and walks SLOW
ly and majestically down the aisle to the
door with as much dignity as if he owned
western railroad. Oh, you can't deny it,
even you old veternns-yon've all been there!