The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1881-02-11
VARIETIES.

! w nat were the current expenses Tor last
month";" ooh" she answered, "only twenty.
eight cents!" "Why, how was that ?"-
"Well, you see, only baked cake twice, and
therefore used very few currants."
Nebraska is the State for kind neighbors
! When William Ashton remarked that he
would end his life if he had some morphine
his neighbor at one volunteered to ride eight
miles and procure a sufficient quantity. The
same man also kindly conducted the funeral
services.-DetrOit Free Press.
There is a man in our town,
| And he is wOndrOuS wse
Whenever he hath goods to sell
| lie straight doth advertise;
And when he finds his goods are gone,
| With all his might and main
| He hurries in another lot
| 10 advertise again.
(which is the more delicate sense, feeling
or sight?" asked a professor in Columbia
College "Feeling," responded student -
Give proof of it, with an example," said
the professor. "Well my chum can feel his
mustache, but nobody else can see it,"
said the student.
1t always sounds pretty to say: THE
sun has sunk beneath the western horizon
but moments reflection shows that is about
the only horizon he could sink beneath, under
the circumstances When he feels like sink
| ing he always selects the western horizon in
this section,
Now them" said physician, cheerly,
| to patient, you have got along far enough
to indulge in little animal food, and"
mo you don't Doctor" interrupted the pa
tient; "Pve suffered enough on poor cruel
and slops and I'd starve sooner than begin
on hay and oats"
"A ragged little urchin came TO n lady's
door, asked for old clothes. She brought him
vest and n pair of trousers, which she
thought would be n comfortable fit. The
scapegrace took the garments and examined
each; then, with dconsolate look said,
"There amt no watch pocket
| How sweet is perfect understanding
between man and wife. He was to smoke
cigars when he wanted them, but he was to
give her ten cents every time he INDUCED in
one He kept his word, and every time
she got fifty cents ahead he'd borrow
it and buy cigars. And so they agreed and
were happy.
| ing things unutterable: 81 wish | were a
fern, Gussie" "Why " she asked. "Why-
| aps-you-would-pr me, too" She
evidently hasted to do it, but it is best to nip
such things in the bud, so she replied, "Pm
afraid you're too green, Charlie The poor
boy almost blubbered.
A bookseller during the war procured n
'contraband," whom he employed in his store
| One day Mr.. Whittier came in and the book
seller proposed to himself to introduce the
eX-slave to the principal benefactor of his
kind. peter" said he, "John G. Whittier
is in my room, the greatest friend your race
ever had"
"Who, massa? 2
"John G. Whittier You surely have
heard of him ?"
"Well," was the reply, after a moments
deliberation, "tink I've hcern ofJohn G., but
don't member about the Whicher"
The youthful subject of the following
anecdote seems not to have possessed very
acute sense of the supernatural: A clergy
man was endeavoring to instruct one of his
Sunday school scholars, plough-boy, on the
nature ola miracle. Now, my boy" said
he, suppose you should see the sun rising in
the middle of the night, what should you call
that ?" "The mune, phase, sur" mo, but"
said the clergyman, suppose you knew it
was not the moon, but the sun, and that you
saw it actually rise in the middle ofthe night
what should you think !"
"Please, sur, should think it was time to
get upw
BARRIERS are not more celebrated for n
desire to become the most busy citizens of
the State than for the expert habit in which
they convey news Many tale is invented
out ola mere surmise or whisper, for the graf
ification ofthose who attend BARRIERS shons
An old son of the scissors and razor at Ports
mouth was not, however, quite SO perfect a
Psychologist as his more erudite and bristling
fraternity. One evening, as he was preparing
his fronts and fitting his comb "to hair, two
supposed gentlemen entered his shop to be
dressed This being executed with much
civilty and dispatch, a wager was laid with
old Dudley Qor that was his nance that he
| could not walk in ring three feet in dame
ter, for one hour, and utter no other words
than Pm a-going~ Each side staked two
pounds on the counter the ring was drawn
in chalk, the money chinked alluringly in
his ear, and old Dudley moved cheerfully in
his orbit "Pm a-going! I'm a-going I'm
a-gong" were the only words which he kept
time with his feet during the space of fifty
five minutes, when suddenly one of the gen
tlemen sprang forward, and taking up the
money, put it into his pocket. The device
threw old Dudley off his guard, and he ex-
claimed, That's not fairw-"Enoughw re-
joined the sharpers, you've lost the wagerw
So saying, they departed, leaving him minus
two pounds, and ever afterwards old Dudley
was saluied by the appellation of "Im n
going