The Russellville Democrat., 1881-01-13
NUGGETS AND PEBBLES.

NUGGETS AND PEBBLES. Picked Up on the Shores of the Worlds
 Ocean of News.
 A MAN WITH THREE HEADS. Jones said, looking into the glass the other morning, T am man with three heads on my shoulders-the one l see, the one feel, and the one Brown put on me.-Meride,l Recorder.
 THE PRICE oF.BEETs.
 "0ld woman, how do you sell beets?" asked a New Orleans loafer of an old veg etable woman in the French market. Looking at him from head to foot, she replied: "Nen 1 haf some like you vas I sell him two for a cent abiece."-M O. Times.
 WHAT HE WAS WAITING FOR. A MAN went into hat store yesterday and had his silk hat blocked. After it was finished he stood as if expecting something. The storekeeper said, What are you waiting for?p Fifty cents" was the reply. Your sign outside says, Hats blocked while you wait for fifty cents" N. !. Tribune.
 DON'T FIT THE CASE.
 The Locomotipe publishes engrayings in each issue showing how boilers look just after they have exploded. This doesn't seem to hit the case at all. What is needed is picture showing how boiler looks just before it is going to explode. We could then learn when to get out of the way-Nep Hauen Register. 
 WANTED A PROFILE.
 A lady with fatal squint came once to a fashionable artist for her portrait He looked at her and she looked at him and both were embarrassed. He spoke first "Would your ladyship permit me-" he said, 'to take profile? There is certain shyness aboutyour ladyship's eyes which is as difficult in art as it is fascinating in nature"
 A DRIVERS SUGGESTION.
 Yesterday afternoon an old woman weighing about 300 pounds slipped in crossing the street car track, and came down in the mud and water. It sounded like dropping custard out of second story window. The driver of the street car held up his mule and called out: "I say, if you will get up and let me drive on you can sit down again as soon as the car passes. ."-E.rami1,er
 TOO PROLIFIC.
 Herbert Spencer says: life is the def mite combination of heterogeneous changes, both simultaneous and success sive, in correspondence with external co-existences and sequences" But can Mir. Spencer prove it? He shouldn't h.Ah the papers to corroborate them. Life may not be one of those things, after all. This campaign has been too prolific of wild, exaggerated assertions.-Norristoun Herald.
 A BOY WASHED ASHORE.
 Did you hear about the boy being washed ashore9" asked Gillhooly of one of the most prominent citizens of Gal weston.
 "No; when did it happen?"
 This morning"
 "How was it?'
 "He was washed ashore by his moth- CT. You don't suppose she could take him out into the middle of the Gulf of Mexico to wash him, do you? -Gdtpes- ton Neles.
 NhJhtn JhOU6hiS.
 A few thoughts in church-"This ser mon is bore"
 How much longer will he preach?" Pm hungry for dinner"
 'That man isn't at all bad looking" q wonder if Emma is engaged" "Well, if old Mrs. Foo Foo isn't wear ing turban too"
 q wonder how much that bonnet cost"
 Tt sounds as if he was going to close up the sermon"
 "I do wish the Bernhardt season had commenced"
 ''I've great mind to have it trimmed with scarlet"
 q must order new pair of shoes to- morrow, and the material for that wrap per, and visit Madam Ks to try on that dress"
 There's Ed. Cochunk we saw in New port last summer"
 How that girl does lacel"
 "Amen! My isn't it nice to get out" !" N. r. Graphic.