River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-05-19
IN A NUTSHELL.

One touch of nature: George has
promised his Ethel the first shot for
luck. A covey rises.) Ethel lat the
critical moment): ooh, George! Per-
haps they, too, have loved. london
Punch.
Mckee Rankin has some consolation
for the whaling he got in Canada.
Lord Lorne entertained him and his
wife at Rideau Hall, spreading the
salve of hospitality upon his bruised
pride and person.
A man in South Carolina has been
convicted of voting twenty-one ballots
at once. He had probably just reached
his majority, and wanted to make up
for lost time.
| The Memphis Appeal says that "Jef-
ferson Davis is nobler than martyr"
Mr.. Davis will be remembered as the
gentleman who tried the Boomer COS
tune with such poor success.
A Nevada girls love-letter: "Dear
Jimmy: It's all up. We amt going to
get married. Ma says you're too
rough. and l guess she's right. Pm
sorry, but can't you 60 to Europe and
get filed down?"-Chicugo Tribune.
The Boston transcripts funny man
attended the Protestant Episcopal
Church once, opened the prayer book
and saw "cOllect" written so often that
he got up and left the church.
Young oculist's letter to the lady of
his heart: dearest, we can be mar
ried this summer. The open horse
cars have been put on and business will
| be lively. Do your part; tell all your
friends to buy scarlet sun-shades. p
Boston Transcript.
A mechanic in Lyons claims to have
at last succeeded in perfecting perpet-
ual motion machine, which will super
sede steam. 1t had cost him $1,000 to
complete it, and he has recently been
| offered $4,000 for quarter interest.
| 1t is claimed to be remarkable inven-
| ton.
Car-sickness, which is quite as tronb-
| lesOme to some travellers as sea-sick-
ness, may be usually prevented by
wearing sheet of writing paper next
to the skin. directly over the chest. So
say people who have suffered and have
been relieved.
A Galveston poet came into the sane
tum hurriedly, with copy of the News
in his hand, and going up to the editor
remarked: II did not notice my little
poem on the Golden Tints of Expiring
Autumn I suppose it was crowded
out?" "No; it was crowded in" 81
don't see it," ''Look in the waste
basket. That's where it was crowded
in."- Gaheston News.
A bright little girl not long since was
urging her mother to go up stairs and
hear her say her prayers before retir-
ing. Her mother, not finding it con-
venient, told her that Jesus could hear
it just as we'll. "But, mother" said the
little doubter, "Jesus can't turn off the
gas"
A professor asked his class, "What is
the aurora?' A student, hesitating,
replied: Professor, did know, but
have forgotten" 'That is sad, very
sad," rejoined the professor. "The
only man in the world that ever knew
has forgotten it,"
Contradicting the statement that Mrs.
Lincoln will spend the summer in
France, Springfield paper says: "Mrs.
Abraham Lincoln has been confined to
her bed with severe illness for the last
five months, in Springfield, and even if
ever again able to travel, never intends
leaving her own country"
A young lady who had ordered home
a pair Of unusually high-heeled boots
was flushed by the announcement by
Bridget, fresh from answering the door
bell: eff we plaize, miss, there's man
in the hall below wild pair of shtilts
for yez."
Romantic dialogue: "William," she
exclaimed, pushing him away from
her, "you've been eating radishes."
"Clara," he responded, reproachfully,
"you forget that | live in a boarding
house, and that radishes at this season
of the year cost ten cents bunch"
"Forgive me, Willie" she said, peni-
tently, and Immediately rising turned
the light down several degrees lower.
Brooklyn Eagle.
A mother had taught her little girl
to repeat at Sabbath-school concert,
the text, clio, every one that thirsteth,
come We to the waters" When even
ing came, she very calmly, with perfect
self-possession, said: every one that
hoes, come and get drink" Her as
constituent was great when she saw the
laughter of the audience.
In a few days the boys will be calling
around to go violet-hunting with the
girls, and the girls will be ready to go
violet-hunting with the boys. The vio-
| lets won't be troubled much. but the
crop of colds in the head will probably
lead to frequent repetitions of the sug-
gestion: 81 guess you needn't turn the
| light down tonight, deary."
1t was the merry, merry house-clean-
ing time, and when he stepped airily
out of bed in the morning he tried to
hold both feet up in the air at the same
time, whole he leaped from place to
place and made remarks that were en-
tirely inappropriate to any occasion.
'Practicing for the circus ?" asked his
wife, from her place among the downy
pillows, with lily concealed sarcasm.
''Oh, yes" he replied, "I'm just rehear-
sing my famous carpet tackled" And
then his low, convulsive sobbing died
away in the muffled strains like the
| last sad thrObs of a. heart breaking I'M