The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-02-17
HUMOROUS.


Going the whole hog--Attributing
Shakespeare's plays to Boston.--Bosto''
Courier.
If cobbler is guilty of the crime Of
marrying Two wives it has been decided
by the highest authority that he must
stick to his last.
1t is asserted that Vennor Mt one time
was o plumber. Well, he's not the only
plumber that makes O good weather
profit.
A bowling dog and ON amateur ac-
cordeon player will cause the angel OF
peace to plume its wings and flee from
the best locality on which the sun ever
shone.-Argo.
Jerusalem is TO have street cars, pas
senger elevators and telephone ex-
change, while to complete the misery of
the inhabitants an organ grinder is on
his way there.--Philadelphia NeocS.
A fashionable young lady was seen
backing her brothers boots the other
morning and the next day she helped
do the family washing. 1t is thought
she is fitting herself to become the wife
of an Italian count.--Puch.
The young milkman and his girl stood
before justice Of the peace. " You
take this milk--ahem this man for
butter or for worse ?" the mighty man
of the law inquired. The girl said it
never a-curd to her before, but she sup
posed she would if that was the only
whey.
Those are cute fellows, those New
York sharpers. One of them advertised
that he could cure turn-up nose, and
would send the direction to all who
would forward dollar. A lady sent
this amount, and was told in reply to
employ blacksmith to hit her nose on
the end with sledge hammer.
Some arithmetical chap has figured
out that Vanderbilt's income would al
| low him to visit 5000 circuses, eat TO-
600 pints of peanuts and drink 5000
glasses of lemonade every day in the
year. But he doesn't do it. Thus it
! con be seen, that wealth is given to those
who don't know how to enjoy it,
Boston Post.
Mrs. BombaZine, who engineers a
Galveston hashery, can be very sarcas-
! tic. One of her boarders always comes
! late and eats like he has q power-of-at-
| tornev to eat for several of his friends.
| Yesterday. she said to him "Young
man, you come at one and eat for
| twelve. Now couldn't you arrange it to
come at twelve and eat for one ?"-GaI-
eeSt0n Ne,rS.
1t is said that the bride in removing
her bridal robe and chaplet at the COM
pletion Of the marriage ceremony must
take especial care to throw away every
pin worn on this eventful day. Evil
fortune, it is affirmed will sooner or
later inevitably overtake the bride who
keeps even one pin used in the marriage
/ toilet. The above was written to dis
courage the excessive use of pins by the
ladies'; but the young men think that
some such caution addressed to unmar.
ried ladies would be more to the point.
These are the pins that lacerate the
poor fellows.--Boston transcript.
Old Chlysler is q very wealthy and
aristocrtic Galvestonian. Yesterday he
was examining his orange trees, to see
if they had suffered from the frost, when
a Young tramp stopped at his gate and
looked in anXiously. "What are you
looking at?" growled old Chrysler
"Just spelling out yer name on the
door-plate, gunner" "What are you
doing that for?" Nothing, only
wanted to know your name, so l could
set up an alibi in case you claimed me
for your son, who escaped from the
penitentiary the other day" He must
have looked like he belonged to thu
family, for the old man followed him NJ
three blocks, with garden rake, to gel
lock of his hair Galresto1a Netrs.