Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-01-26
FUNNYGRAPHS.
Bosom friends-shirt studs.

DOD that you are not ut to Sit In the COM
pany of good boys on the bench. Come
uphere and sit by me, SIR
AN elephant travelling out west, whose
trunk was not checked, drank up all the
water in the tender of the locomotive, so
that the train was obliged to stop.
A YOUNG man, while out searching for
his fathers pig, accosted an Irishman as
follows: Have you seen stray pig
about here?" Pat responded: "Faix,
now could tell stray pig from any
other?"
A MILLIONAIRE, who was looking at a
level tract of land which he had lust
bought at an extravagant price. said TO
the agent who had sold it to him. 81 do
admire rich green fiat" $50 do L"
significantly replied the agent
IT is not the lucky individual who
draws the prize who declares that lotter
les are wicked and should be suppressed.
Nor is it the man who gets elected who
says there was s'fraud at the polls. .
Noyristoa0n Herald,
A HARLEM doctor who had been in the
habit OF visiting a certain lady three
times week as medical adviser was
rather taken aback the other day by the
servant who answered the door saying:
''Mrs. - will be unable to see Won
to-day, doctor, because is sick"
FIRST Harvard freshman What do
you think of opening the 'versity to
women, Charley?'' Second ditto
" Never'd do, Harry! What kind of a
six or mined they make? And when YOU
come to a rush or night in town-bahl
never'd do, Harry. "-boston Post.
TEACHER John, what are your boots
made OFF" Boy-"Of leather" "Where
does the leather come from 90 "From
the hide of the OK" sWhat animal,
therefore, supplies you with boots and
gives you meat to eat?' "My father"
-GalUestOn NeWs.
A YOUNG man who had been sent by
New York house to look after their mill
property down east, after heavy fresh
ct which had carried away the structure,
reported by return mail that he ''found
the dam, by the mill site, but he found
no mill by dam-site.
THERE is an Oil City boy who was
sent out collecting yesterday, and when
he returned in the evening and handed
in his bills unpaid, he said: "Thepeo-
pie around this town like me frst-rate.
They were SO anxious to see me often
that every man / went to told me to call
again"
IT all depends on how you look at
these ancestors One little aristocratic
girl was yesterday boasting that her fore
fathers came over with the Pilgrims,
when another wee maiden, whose mother
had recently married, said, "Pshaw, 90
long with your old dads, I've gat bran
new father. - OIL city Derrick.
SOUTH END Maiden asks: "When a
young man comes twice a week with a
carriage and takes a young lady to the
theatre and supper afterwards, and
makes her magnificent presents, what
does it indicator" It indicates, ma'am,
that he has got more money to fool away
than we have. -Boston Post.
doctor, what can I do to get rid of
my bihousness?" asked Galveston me-
briate of a plain-spoken doctor. "Quit
drinking beer and whisky" "But if [
quit I'll collapse right off, won't n"
''Certainly." cit don't seem to NE that
it makes much difference, then. If j.
keep on I'll be bilious as long as I live,
and if I quit I'll be bilious until I die -
Aaadreaos' Bazaar: "Papa," said
disingenious youth, who has been con-
templating his fathers swine as they
rubbed their backs against the sides of
the sty, "pigs amt smart, are they?"
"Why?" queried the curious parent
Because" returned the observant lad,
''they're going about the right way to
get corns on their shoulder blades.
IF she's got to talk slang, Boston
girl will refine and beautify it. The
proper caper becomes the appropriate
gyration; bang up is front is front hair
elevated; tumbing to the racket is fall
ing to the audible disturbance, and a
square deal quadrilateral distribution.
Oh, refinement is a great thing. Oh,
you wager your existence that it is
Cincinnati Gazette.
ONE of the most provoking episodes is
for man to meet lady, and In endeav-
oring to raise his soft hat by the crown
finds he has on his Derby, and claws all
over the top of it before recalling the
change in head-gear. In the meantime
the young lady gldes by, wondering
what the mischief is the matter, and if
he is losing what little mind he once
possessed.
AT Canadian hotel lately a terrible
screaming was heard to proceed from
the bath room. A servant burst open
the door, and soon found that Sara Bern
hardt had pulled out the plug from the
waste water pipe, and had slipped in.
With presence of mind known in North
EN- countries, the maid got a button
hook and pulled her out again, much to
the Joy of her many ardent admirers
Cincinnati Gazette.
The WONDERS OF SCIENcE.-The prin-
cipal (from the city, through the tele-
phone, to the foreman at the "works"):
"How do you get ON, Pat?" Irish fore
man, in great awe of the instrument)
Very well, sir. The goods is sent off.
Principal (knowing Pats falling:
'What have you got to drink there?'
Pat (startled): 'sOch! Look at that,
now! It's me breath that done itl"-
Punch.
A BIT of gossip is In circulation re-