The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1881-11-27
TO START A SMILE.

A wall between many old friendships is
built Of freeze tone.
The milkmen are human, for an. Hiber-
nian assures US that they have their weak
p'ints."
For rent-Apartments well adapted for
light housekGeping-any lighthouse along
the coast.
The man who was crooked in the cradle
Of the deep" must have slept between sheets
Of water.
America is country where q mans
statement is not worth two cents unless
backed up with an offer to bet you $40
always pay as YOU 90, " said an old man
have nothing to pay will? ~ "Then don't
CO."
What is the earliest financial transaction
on record? When Pharaoh received check
on the bank Of the Red Sea- crossed by
Moses & Co.
Unhappy thought. Tommy-"I mean to
be an astronomer when / grow up !" Efiie-
"What on earth will you do with yourself
all day lOng2"
The planet Saturn is now in opposition
to the sun. But the sun will probably
survive, in spite of the opposition OF Saturn
and all his rings.
A Western paper contains an account of
young lady charming rat" But that's
nothing. We have known young lady to
charm Democrat.
Not much of headful "Know thysclf'
may be an excellent sort of proverb, but
some people wouldn't know very much if
they obeyed it implicitly.
The Philadelphia American says "slang
is the destroyer Of conversation You bet
il is, and the American people should sit
down on il with emphasis.
A Frenchmhnssin business in California
adyertises that he has "Chasm" for an
apprentice. He had looked up the word
Opening" in the dictionary.
The late William Penn once observed:
Excess in apparel is sostly folly" And
vet William wore hat with an excess OF
brim that was sheer waste of material.
A cold weather conundrum: ''Will the
coming man shut the door behind him?'
is the latest inquiry. Ii is to be hoped that
he will, for the going man seldom does.
What is that l see? That, my child is
the News interviewer, and he is now inter
viewing IA man. But whore is the MANI
can see no man. The man, my child, is in
his mind.
The first things man does when his
stomach feels bad, is to put some medicine
in it to make it feel worse. He is looking
ahead for the happy contrast, when it may
possibly feel better.
A New York amusement-goer objects tC
paying $40 to hear Patti sing Comm Thro
the Rye. We suspect that he would rather
invest the $40 in such manner that tkl
Rye would so through him.
No danger of Confederate bonds running
i 10. ral Il -.
for about cent apiece, and several meT
have gone into it for living. Bring on
your market and the bonds will be there.
Some one has discovered that Lord Mel.
son omitted to wash his hands for the space
of eight years" He must have had some
very important business 'on hand" all
those years, and didn't want to wash it OIL.
All the particulars Colonel" said a
man who wanted.to make out,a genealogical
tree, Colonel, how can | become thoroughly
acquainted with my family history p
"Simply by running for Congress" an
swered the Colonel
The Cleveland Sunday Sun makes this
distinction: "Thc difference between the
milkman and the COW is that one sells milk
and the other gives it," We don't like to
quarrel with so good an authority, but II
does not know themilkmen around Boston
Art patron: "What 81 for this? Why
you only charged me $3.50 for that fine
large oil piece on the wall there" Great
artist: - Exactly so. That little bit in
your hand is done in water color. They
come high just now on account Of the
drouth.
Very stern parent.-"Come here, sir
What is this complaint the schoolmastel
has made against you Much injured
~ nt oil Afig nl
Jimmy Hughes bent pin, and | only just
left it ON the teachers chair Tor him to lool
at, and he came in withaut his specs anC
sat right down on the pin, and now h,
wants to blame me for it.
mo, young man, it doesn't hurt you
particle TO SOW your wild oats. Go ahea,
aad SOW rs many as you wish. But it's tn
gathering in of the crop that will make yo
howl And you have to gather it, too.
YOU don'tit gathers you, and one is grea
deal worse than the other. Go on and SOY
your wild oats, but you keep. away iron
this office during harvest time"
A MISUNDERSTANDING woman yesterda.
carefully handed the stamp clerk ut tn
postofliCe II letter marked Tin haste" an,
inquired if there was any extra charge 70
writing that on. "0h, none at all. =" HOY
soon will the letter so OUT I'm abou
mrtv minutes" mo sooner than that {?
"Wcll we might hire n special train an,
ret IL off in about twenty minutes.
6Would II be too much trouble ~ "0h
none at ALL She thought for U moment
turned the letter over three or four lines
and finally said II guess won't ask ,yo'
to hire a special train, but If you will b
kind enough to telegraph my sister that
have written her letter to tell her thats
cant come till Monday, and to be At IN
depot to meet me, and that mother didn'
go TO Toledo, after all, shall be ever 81
much obliged. Good morning"