Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-12-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

IT Is quite safe to reason that the
backbone of summer is broken.
THE amateur cornet player ought to
receive blow for blow. w.-BoSt0n Courier.
AN adept at bicycling ought to make
q good wheel-right.-NeU York Ne,0s.
THE New Orleans Picayune thinks
that food for thought should be well
cooked.
The deepest insult that can be given
in Deadwood is to say: "You amt worth
lynching."
A PILLAR of the church, to be of any
service, should. like any other pillar;
have capital. Transcript.
No DOUBT men could reach the North
Pole by means of a balloon. All tie
doubt is in their being able to get back.
ALTHOUGH the hand organs have re-
tired from business, there are still lots
of cranks turning up. philadelphia
Chronicle.
"WHY don't you dress as well as your
clerks ?" was asked the other day of a
Wall street man. "I can't" was the an
swer; "they can get trusted"
ELEPHANTS are now quoted at 81, 100
each, but most people would rather
have 81 30 turkey, even if it won't last
quite as long.-BoSton Globe.
THE worst kind of rheumatism is the
spare roomatism. Many an unhappy
guest has crowded in between its icy
sheets and died of it. - Burlington
HatOkeye.
A PAPER entitled the Plumbers Jour
nal has been started in New York, but
it does not fairly represent the guild,
for it comes to you as soon as you send
for Philadelphia Ne,0s.
A WISCONSIN man stole thirty-nlne
sheep and o steer, but the warrant
charged him with stealing thirty-nine
steers aud q sheep, aud he left the court
room with all his reputation restored.
No ODDS how poorthe farmers roots,
No odds how damaged are his fruits
Though rust has spoiled his cherished wheat
And though he can't make both ends meet,
His turnip crop cannot be beet
A ouorHTER has excited public
curiosity by having large apple painted
on his sign. When asked for an ex-
PLANTATION, he replied, eff it hadn't
been for an apple, where would the
ready-made clothing stores be to-day|
TIE Atlanta Constitution sees the
time approaching when the demagogne
will step to the front. If the demagogue
has been anywhere else than at the front
for the last fifteen years we'd like to
know where the rear of this thing is
Detroit Free Press
ALey: "They want e6, 900 for the
lease, Maria. It runs for eighty-nine
years." Maria: "Oh, don't buv it,
Algy. Only eighty-nine years Fancy
dear baby being turned out OF his house
at ninety -one, and possibly infirm into
the bargain !"-Pwnch.
UPON a Sunday evening, when the
soul is lifted on the wings of faith, and
holy calm broods over all nature, what
tender regret comes with the thought
that the tubs must be got up from the
cellar, SO that washing may begin at
five o'clock Monday morning. Hart.
ford Times.
A BANKING Office was opened at
Grafton, Dakota, and O big safe pur-
chased to put in it. The supposed
weight was three tons, but it proved to
be seven, and the cost of drawing it to
Grafton, with horses, oxen, men and
broken wagons was so great that there
was no money left to keep in it, and the
banker was bankrupt.
ANOTHER glorious summer with its
wealth of pleasant memories is stored
away among the archives of our history.
Annk1nr nxlnnnau x--SpfaY. rc VIa
These wonderful colors that flame
across the softened sky of Indian
summer like the CORY banner of a royal
conqueror, come but to warn us that In
a few short weeks the water pipe will
be burst in the kitchen, and the
decorated wash-bowl will be broken. =.
A MAN should always keep in his own
| sphere. Professor King may tell as
many narratives as he pleases about his
adventures in the upper air, and no one
can deny or disprove them. But when
he gets down on to solid ground we have
him. The thrill is all taken out of his
stories about the wolves Wing around
him in that Wisconsin swamp, by the
ailidavits of resident farmers who pas
ture their sheep in the swamp, and know
| bhCtO haoA OCCA a NO1 al Ouut COunby
for twenty-three years.
MONSIEUR X.-"I discovare one
curious custom in your countree,
madame p" What is that, monsieur ?"
X" It ees zis: Ven young ladee she
get-vat you call it-married, she bag
her game, tink hear you say?" NJ
eve sometimes so remark. monsieur"
X" Aud ven a young ladee she tell a
young man she no haf heem, you say
she geef heem de sack ?" M" Quite
true, monsieur" x" Now, madame,
when read in re dic-in re dicshun-
re vat you call eet ?-I find re sack and
re bag are 70 same ting. So, madame,
1 find me dat it is re custom in zis
countree ven a young ladee she will
marry she put re young man in re bag /;
aud ven re young ladee she will not
marry she make of re bag a present to
ze young man. Zis is one curious
custom find in your countree. madame,