The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-02-25

'NpH"Dbt bbtAhot IbDDIIISUH |
CrusO.
a lawyer Is learned gentleman |
who rescues your estate from your
enemies and keeps II himself
Some people are such inveterate |
borrowers that they will borrow trou- |
bic rather than not have any on hand. |
There IL man in Eugene so Thin
that he had row of buttons put ON
his umbrella cover and wears 1t for
an ulster.
An old farmer used 10 put n jug at
tho fuathcr end OF row Of corn, and
then say, "lIOw, every one that
thirstcth."
Three hundred thousand habitual
drunkards perpetuate the music Of
awe won't 20 womc till morning.
in the United States.
facOb Strauss says: "The first
duty Of sailor Is 10 learn the rope" "
j IS just the same with the man who
wants TO get drink in temperance
Vermont.
IIorsemen believe that Maud s.
viii soon attain q speed 80 terrific
that n straight track will be necessary
To prevent her running into the rear
OF her ewn sulky.
"Lcmmy, you're n pig" said a
farmer TO his son, who Was five years
old. "Now, do you know what a
pig l., Lemmy ~ ayes, sir, a pig is
hogs little boy"
"a thing Of beauty" remarked
the dentist, looking into the patients
mouth, sis n jaw forever. 4 dollar
and fifty cents" J.. =. That is what
makes ii look 50 beautiful.
a fashion magazine wants 10 know
"why tho young men don't marry 90
May be It's because the girls haven't
asked them. Mighty bashful young
men this generation, Mrs. Grundy.
Powerful bashful.
"What do you do for sleeplessness?'
a nervous man asked a physician.
''Set the alarm for five O'clock" re.
piled the medicine man. And the
stupid patient couldn't imagine what
that had 10 do with il.
Spain gives Minister Plenipoten-
tiary $4,000 a year, while n favorite
bull Fighter receives $50, ,O90 but
we'd rather plenipotensh for that
country fordollar day and board
than fight bulls at any price.
4 Minnesota axc'.onsa sa.- 0.~.
--I-~to4 p...I.., or CaInIUn rails, aged
eighty, shocked eleven acres of grain
one day last week. Some Of these
old farmers use pretty hard language
when they once get started.
al say, Paddy, that's the worst
looking horse you drive | ever saw.
Why don't cu fatien it up ~ "Fat
him up, is it? Faix, the poor basic
can hardly draw the little mate that:
on him now" replied Paddy.
"Why, Frankly" exclaimed I
mother at II summer boardin:
house, az never knew yeu to ask 70
a second piece Of pie at home" /"
knew it want Of any Hse," sai'
r Freddy, as he proceeded with his pi
a eating
Last week n Bible agent down at
farmers table up in Jackson county
played eucre with the old man an
/ won pair of four-year-old- steer
c from him. and then made him bu
/ eight dozen Bibles and sixten pound
! of tracts TO redeem his steers.
It's we'll enough for the poets
sing Of the philosophers and scholar
10 who draw wisdom from the stars, b'
n IL the poet wants theme worthy
II his pen, just let him watch the your
II man who can stand on the corner ar
suck wisdom out Of an ivory-head6
can.
Social amenities-Papa Ito Mab'
who has been 10 a juvenile party)
in "Did any ono pay you any attentio
re Nab :" "Mabel-tI don't know
al mean did any one talk to you
dance with you?" Mabel-''We
no there was little boy who made fac
kc ut me-"
ns Mr.. Prigsby TAT dinner, to a 4
Knickerbocker on a visit to Bost
for the third or fourth time): 'IN
re- heard you arc so awfully, ah, clev'
er- you know" Miss Sharp "Excu
nc me Mr.. Prigsby, you must have ma
M a mistake, for / assure you l am ne
= TO an idiot"
an A short italian prayer which is
without wisdom 81 pray that | m
never be married. But if | MARI,
eat pray that l may not be deceive
, is But il / am deceived | prayltha
IN may not know of it. But if l KIN
:, 80 of it 1 pray that may be able
ny laugh at the whole"
cd,
u Any good shooting on your farm
oU' asked the hunter Of the farm
me "Splendid ~ replied the agricult
ist "there's cloth peddlar at
house, a candidate out in the ba
my and two tramps in the stock va
Dad Climb right over the fence, yor
md man, load both barrels and sail in.
'in- Harold st. Clair Athelton sends
to a love of poem beginning, "Sw
av- the roses bloom on my breast" II
avs old, thou child of genius, chal
your shirt and take bath this N
Aen ute. Next thing you know
nth will be covered with plantains
dog fennel, or some man will ce
and plant YOU down in cabbageS.