Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1881-01-22
A MERRY MOURNER.
H1s Ovation Over the Burial of
Democratic Hopes

Democratic Hopes
This is how a smart and ingenious
democrat, who had fallen among
the Philistines, gracefully and hui
morOusly extricated himself. Ifthat
fellow lived in this county, we know
several young ladies who would be
glad to stake the Cake:"
The republicans Of CIarinda, Page
county, Iowa, ad a Notification
meeting on Friday night, the 9Th
inst. After several republican ora
tors had given vent to their feelings
with spread-eagle speeches, the
crowd called loudly for Lou. b.
Cake. Cake is democrat, and he
looked too depressed tOspeak, but the
crowd wouldn't be put off; so he
mounted the box and made the fol-
lowing unique speech:
Fellow-citizens A man usually
attends his own funeral, but it is
not expected that he should talk a
great deal. Laughter. l knew
the funeral ceremonies would go on
without me, SO | concluded / had
better bring in the body. Laugh
ter. But it takes a great deal of
grace to sustain man who helps
furnish the corpse for an occasion
like this. Laughter. Nobody but
democrat could do it. Applause.
1t is certain that no one save the
democrats have had a chance to try
il for the last twenty years. Shouts
OfapplauSe. Disappointment is the
rannHnrFa n ~, HI ri D.
mourning his normal condition.
They took out a patent on disaster
and it has never been infringed.
The patent ran out in 1876 and they
have Just got il renewed. Looking
over the landscape of the last twenty
years, / behold acres and acres Of
busted hopes, cords and cords of dis
gruntled ambitions, barrels and bar
rels and barrels of unavailing tears,
oceans and oceans streWn with the
wrecks of phantom ships once bur
dened with democratic decisions.
IGreat applause. Disappointment
is an anchor of the democratic soul,
both sure and steadfast.
Leaves have their time to fall,
And flowers to wither at the north winds
And stars to set; but all, o, democrats!
Thou hast all times for thine own death
Knight say with Shylock, 'sSuf-
feranee, yea, SltfeT-ance is the badge
of our tribe" / could give you 329
reasons for this, Laughter n
lawyer offered a judge sixteen rea-
sons WHY hiS client was not present
in court. First, he was dead. The
judge told him that he might omit
h.n ~
of the 329 is, we lacked the. votes.
You will allow me to omit the
other 32S. [Applausive consent
But / could give you more than 329
reasons. Yea, Morey letter. John
Kelly did it with his little racket.
Great applause. Wade HamptOn's
mule broke his leg instead of his
neck, and Ben Hill wasn't born a
mule. English had foreclOsed his
mortgages and we couldn't redeem.
Then
TTis the south that can supply
Solid comforts while we die.
In some states the greenback party
fell through crack in their plat
form and crippled US. Laughter.
But democracy still lives. Great
appiduSe. It's ike tue Ulule-lI
never dies. But unfortunately, like
the mule, while il lives it is forever
throwing its riders.
Ii buCked Greeley off and killed
him in 1872. Tilden stuck on till
he passed under the wire. APP
plause. But there was so much
daylight between him and this dem
Ocratic quadruped thejudges counted
him off, although he had his foot in
the stirrups. This year we, got Il
splendid Send-Off and might have
won, but the donkey was stricken
down i'm Indiana with (g)Landers. |
1Applause. I We close this chapter
of history with the hope the story
will not be continued i'm our next. /
TCheers.1 We accept defeat the
more cheerfully because of the mag
unanimous manner with which you
take the victory. We take it every
-four wears. 1t is a standing prescrip- /
tion. 1t might well be called the /
auadrennial ipecac. GrOans.l 1t /
works up before the election and |
works down when the returns come /
in We thank you for the mag'an- /
iD1Ous way in which you have /
tnrned out to our funeral. APP |
nIonse. We congratulate you on /
The magnificent and imposing char
seter Of the obsequieS. Here the 4
Speakers feeling overcame MIN anu
ne retired amid encouraging earth-
Guakes and applausiye avalanches.l |