davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
Remember. Child. Remember.

M.frAton fArs.l state.
That tail hold is better than no hold.
ald If you can't get a good solid grab
on the nose OF circumstances, fa5teu on
to the tail and make her drag you. It
may not be pleasant, but it will beat
standing still with your right forefn-
ger in the northwest angle Of your
mouth.
Remember that an ounce Of practice
is heavier than q pound of preach.
When you strike a good paying vein
let into working il like cats lighting.
People will soon see what you are up
20. and will rush out their best cards
after your lead, but you might wear
your little windmill out without bring
ing conviction to the gizzard Of a sim
gle cuss.
Remember that every body can't be
lawyers and preachers and doctors and
merchants. Strange as It may seem.
everybody can't even be editors. Now
and then thee must be a farmer and a
mechanic.
Remember that u man is not fool
simply because he is a mechanic and
works for a living. If you think so,
just jump out of the senior class of an
Eastern college and try to shoe hOrse,
or set mp and space line Of nOnpareil
type.
Remember that whisky is not the
royal rode TO ruin. Whisky itself Is
perfectly harmless. It's the drinking
that causes even pug nose to blush
for It's owners bad habits.
Remember that it is better TO cure
yourself Of one bad habit than TO warn
a friend of two. The world would not
be half so bad if every individual
would brace up and quit his internal
meanness.
Remember, if you are a paragrapher,
that somebody will remember your bOr-
rOwed jokes. Don't tell us that the
boy who crawled into the empty mo-
lasses barrel wished for a thousand
tongues. for the boys great-grand-chil-
dren died before we were born, and
were q thousand years old.
Remember that prayer is an awful
good thing. but that a square shOul
dered man will chop six coOns out of a
tree before you could pray one to the
frst limb. l don't hurt anything to
pray when you have time and mean
business, but you should not forget to
help the Lord a little with the muscle
he has lent you.
Remember to honor the printers dew
IL, for one day he may be an editor and
borrow a dollar of you.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
A "Masher" outwItted.

OF City Derrick.
The man who travels on the railroad
and sits down by the side of lone fe-
males while laboring under the impres.
sion that he recognizes a likeness in
their faces to his wife's aunt's cousin.
met his match on one of the roads in
this vicinity lately. He sat down in
the half Of a seat the other half of
which was occupied by a pleasant
faced young lady. His first question
was:
Pardon me, Miss, but is your name
Jamesp i have a cousin Of that name
whom you greatly resemble"
"No. sir" was the reply, "my name
Is not James. But, pardon me, Is
your name Zinc or Copper2"
Zinc or Copper? No. ma'am," said
the astonished man, "what lead you tc
suppose / had such namesY"
Excuse me-" was the quiet reply
"but / thought certain you must bs
first cousin to a brass foundry"
The man fell over two seats and
kicked bird cage half way
down the car in his haste to get
into the smoker, while the young
lady smiled gentle smile behind hen
handkerchief. It was a proof of the
old adage that witty answer trrnetl
away boreS
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
Mr.. and Mrs. Jesse Lames.

A special from Bardstown to the
Louisville Courier-Journd says: The
reports of the movements of the James
brothers in the Courier-Journal are the
subject of general remark, but as the
reports of the presence in Nelson coun-
ty of the notorious robbers come with
regularity, their supposed proximity at
this time creates no uneasinees here.
1t is said Jesse James attended Dan
Rice's circus in Bradstown last spring.
and that his wife visited friends in the
county during the summer, but these
reports are denied by Don Pence and
other friends of the James boys. 1t is
impossible to gain anything like reliable
information as to their movements, and
judging from the past, the robbers are
now In the west, preparing for another
railroad or bank robbery, while the
eyes of the detectives are turned toward
Kentucky.
am informed by man who in form
er years enjoyed the confidence of the
James brothers that a goodly part of
their earnings is annually paid to mem
bers of the police force of st. Louis,
Kansas City, and other places; that
they have spies at the headquarters OF
all the detective agencies, and no move
ment for their capture is unknown to
them; that part of their programme
is to raise false alarm in one state
while preparing for raid in another
1t is certainly true they have many
friends in this county, where they spent
msny years after the war. When Frank
James was shot in the mouth at Branb
enburg, KY, he rode to this county, and
was nursed until he recovered at the
residence of a well-known citizen
When Sheriff Pence, of this county, be
longed to Quantrell's gang, he was shot
and his horse killed in fight in Meade
county. In the face of the fire of a
company of soldiers, Frank James res
cued Pence and brought him to this
county. Pence was but a boy at the
time, and since then he has developed
into good citizen. He is but one OF
hundred friends Of the James BOYS
in this county, and it is safet say that
thousand men could not capture the
outlaws il they chose to remain in this
vicinity. The lay of the land is in
their favor, and their friends are many
The people hereaboat all believe that
the James boys win do no robbing IL
this vicinity, because such an act on
their part would bring the condemna
tion of the citizens ON those who have
harbored the bandits and would pre-
vent them from ever again making
this section place of retreat. A ladJ
friend OF the James boys recently IN
formed your reporter that Jesse james
told her he intended to kill Pinkerton
the Chicago detective, and would do il
the first opportunity. in retaliation fol
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
A Miniature Railroad.

p. S. Hewes, a farmer, living in
Doylestown township. Bucks county,
Pa, has constructed on his place a
miniature railroad, about $50 yards
long. The ties and rails are of wood,
the gauge being 4 inches. A double
track runs a distance of fifty feet, and
three side tracks, seven switch posts,
a trestle-work ten feet long, three turn.
tables, adepot. six locomotives, and six.
teen cars. The locomotives average
thirty pounds each and the cars ten
pounds. The pay-car is especially fine,
being upholstered and containing every
convenience. On pleasant evenings
the neighbors are amused by seeing
the road in operation.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
Wedding Etiquette.

Excuse me. gentlemen" said the
young lady, ''but which one Of you is
the society editor?'
"We don't keep any on this paper,
Miss" said the horse critic, "but the
whole gang take a crack at that style
of journalistic labor once in a while.
Is there anything we can do for youY
81 was going TO ask said the girl,
"if it would be too much trouble for
you to give me some hints as the prop
or way to receive and dispose of guests
at a weddin'; how the supper should
be served, and so forth"
"YOu want to know what is en-
rtggle and recheTchy, as the French
say" remarked the horse man. ave
can give you the correct pointer. Are
you the blushing bride?"
"Yes, SIR said the girl, in rather a
weak voice; "that is"
ooh, understand" said the horse
editor. 81 appreciate your feelings. 1
was once young and bashful myself.
Now about this wedding. The receiv.
ing part is easy. After the nuptial
ceremony is concluded you and Mike"
"But his name isn't Nike" said the
young lady, "His name is"
ooh, know all about that" said the
equine journalist. "Of course his
name is Adelbert or Reginald, or some
other dry goods clerk nonsense; but in
giving advice we always allude to the
sucker rs Mike, and call the bride
Hannah. 1t saves time. Now, after
you and Mike are married, you want to
jog along home and plant yourselves
at the back end Of the parlOr. Better
have a floral bell or something like
that to stand under, because it is con-
sidered the correct thing, and makes a
better tOot ensemble, as the French say.
Then the guests they get in line and
go by you on slow walk-a kind of
we-buried-him-sadly-b dead-of- night
clip, and you shake hands with each
one and say, Thanks, awfully; and
they look at you and Mike as if you
were couple of prize cattle and feel
sorry for you"
"And the supper" said the young
lady.
ooh, yes, the supper. Well, at some
weddings they feed in the dining room,
and at others each guest sits on a chair
and has his lunch brought to him.
Now, always advise the use of
chopped feed at weddings-bring on
the ham sandwiches and ice cream at
the same time. They can't eat the
sandwiches first, you know, because if
they do the cream will melt, and if
they throw in the cream to start with,
the sandwiches like Banquo's ghost
they viii not down. and the horse re-
porter winked vigorously at the dra-
matte critic in order to attract the at
tentiOn of that person to his able Joke.
But the critic was trying to smoke a
cigar that the advance agent Of the
whale had given him, and did not
look.
"Of course" continued the biogra-
pher OF Goldsmith Maid, '.it would be
better if you could give each guest a
box stall and throw the food in early
in tic evening, but this is not often
practicable, so You had better keep on
the old racket"
Il am sure l am very thankful, sir,
for the interest you have taken in the
matter" said the girl, "and shall fol-
low your advice. Which is the way
down stairs, please?'
"There are two ways" replied the
horse reporter. "You can Jump down
the hatchway or take the stairs. Our
elevator never runs"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
The contented Herd Boy.


In flowery dell, a herd boy kept his
sheep; and because his heart was JOY
Gus he sang so loud that the surround
ing hills echoed back his song. One
morning. the king, who was out on a
hunting expedition, spoke to him, and
said: ''Why are you so happy, dear lit
tie one?~
"Why shall not be?" he answered.
"our king is not richer than l."
"Indeedr said the king, "tell me of
your great possessions"
The lad answered: ssThe sun in the
bright, blue sky shines as brightly up
on me as upon the king. The flowers
upon the mountain and the grass in
the valley grow and bloom to gladden.
my heart IS well as his. / would not
take a hundred thousand thalers for
my hands; my eyes are of more value
than all the precious stones in the
world; / have food and clothing too.
Am l not, therefore, as rich as the
kingY
"You are right" said the king, with
a laugh; "but your greatest treasure Is
a contented heart. Keep it 50, and you
viii always be happy"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
Publishing Newspaper Under Diff
culties.

Seldom in the history of journalism
has a newspaper been ISSUED under
greater difficulties and amid less con.
genial surroundings than the News of
the Camp, which was published during
the 100 days siege Of Pretoria. The
editor thus describes the condition
under which the fact was accomplished
"a bungalow for printing office, with
canvas thrown over its unfinished
roof. through which the rain freely
penetrated, gentle waterspout run
ming down the compositor's back as
he stood with bandolier of Martini.
Henry cartridges over his shoulder. his
white apron for a uniform, composing
stick in hand and his rifle living sug.
gestively near his printing frame: the
editors quarters an army bell tent and
transport wagon, the space between
ingeniously rooted in with a tattered
sail stretched on telegraph poles; their
work. editing paper by day and on
guard up to the knee in mud at night
or sleeping in pair of leather breeches
long boots and jack-spurs." The forty
numbers, of four pages each, foolscar
size, have recently appeared in bound
form, embellished with fourteen pho
ographic illustrations Of the siege.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24

Mr.. Jobson kept his weary way.
racking his brain to cOnjure up some
escape out of the dilemma. Two hun.
dred pounds! And in q week. How
was the thing to be done?
BY the side Of a miserable old shanty
by the road there was assembled n lit-
tie knot of women. They whispered
and glanced at him as he passed.
He stopped mechanically.
whats the matter" said he.
"Its old NOami Brush" said they
"She's deadY"
"Dead, is she? said Mr.. Jobsou
curtly. "She ought to have died half.
a-dozen years ago"
When he came home i'm the clear
winter twilight, he had fully resolved
TO cut down all necessary expenses
Grandmother must 20.
"If there's no other place for her"
he reasoned, "there are plenty of
Homes for Aged and INDECENT Women.
where dare say we could get her in.
Her influence over Jane isn't good. She
teaches her to give TO every tramp and
beggar that comes along. Grandmother
must gor'
But, rs he came in. Mrs. Jobson met
him at the door.
"Oh, Calvin" she cried breathlessly,
"what do You think has happened
Old Naomi Brush, poor soul, is dead.
Shielded suddenly Of that heart difficulty
which has been hanging over her SO
longw
"Humph." said Mr.. JobsOn. "And
what is all that TO me I'd like to
knOw?'
"More than you think" said Mrs.
Jobson eagerly. They found two
hundred pounds, Calvin-yes, two hun
dred pounds hidden away in bag of
rags which had formed her pillow for
more years than anybody could remem-
Der. And there was scrap Of n will
in her dress pocket, which Lawyer
Hyde says is perfectly legal and cor.
rect-and every penny of IL is left to
whom do you suppose? Why, TO grand.
mOtherl To grandmother who was 50
good to her for 50 many years."
"Yes." said the old lady mildly.
"And am going to give it to you,
Calvin, to help you out with that debt
to Squire Jones. Money is of no use
to me. except as it may be Of aid to
my daughter and her husband-and i'm
the country which / am nearing so
FAST one of old Naomi Brushs prayers
will be Of more value to me than all
the gold which was ever minted."
"GrandmOther," said Calvin Jobson.
with suffocating lump in his throat,
81 don't deserve this. No, / don't
I'm a mean, grasping, avariciOus-''
"Hush, my son." said the old lady,
"hushl We all have our failings. But
we are none of US too old to learn bet.
ter"
So the nightmare Of debt was paid
and grandmother still sits by the
JObson fireside. And Calvin is n wiser
and better man for the lesson he has
had.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
TWO VISIONS.

Where close the curving mountains drew
10 clasp the stream In their embrace,
With every outline, curve, and hue
Reflected In Us placid face,
The plowman stopped his team 10 watch
The train, a. swift ID Numbered by;
Some distant glimpse of life 20 catch.
lie strains his eager, wistful eye.
Tho morning freshness lies on him,
Just wakened from his balmy dreams:
lhe travellers, begrimed and dim,
Lhink longingly ~ mountain stream.
Oh, fcr the joyous mountain air.
The fresh, delightful autumn day
Among The hills The plowman there
Must have perpetual holiday
And he, ns All day long he guides
Ills steady pl0w, with patient hand,
Thinks Of the lying train that gildes
into some new, enchanted land,
Where, day by day, no plodding round
NeariCs The frame and dulls the mind
Where life thrills keen 90 sight and sound.
With pl0ws and burrows left behind.
Even so, o. each, the untrod ways
Of life are touched by fancy's glow.
That ever sheds its brightest rays
Jpon tho path We do not know!
-dgnfs w. March, tn NOrcmbCr CcuffrU.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
About GondoIas.

S@n EAaAOisco AfROnaut.
1t is related that recently one of The
New York aldermen had an idea,
Moved by its rarity, he hastened to Law
IL Deiore his brother Solons. "Gentle.
men. said he, 81 think it would add to
tne attractiveness Of Central Park If
we were TO import some gondolas-s
a dozen-and place them In lake
The idea was favorably received by all
but one. He was the economist of the
board, and in his veins ran some Of
the blood of the Irish kings. He rose
Gentlemen" he remarked, "the idea il
a good wan, but wud make an amind.
ment. Why should we buy twelve ay
thin. 1t would be a useless expinse
l make a motion that we buy two ay
thim-a male wan and female wan
Then, gintlemen, let nature take hal
coorse."
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
Almost Young Again.

Ny neither was afiicted long time
with Neuralgia and % dull. heavy inactive i've
nervous prostration, and was almost help
less. No physicians or medicines did heI
any good. Three months ago she began
to use Hop Bitters, with such good e6eci
that she seems and feels young again, al
though over 70 years old. We think there
Is no other medicine fit to use IN the fam
ily:n-A lady In Providence, r. L-Jour
nal
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
Western Musical Criticism.

The editor of a mining camp news
paper went to Denver TO hear Emma
Abbott sing, and in lengthy review of
the opera, says: Gas a singer she can
just wallop the hose off anything that
ever wagged a jaw on the boards.
From her clear, bird-like upper notes
she would counter away down to the
bass racket and then cushion back to
a sort of spiritual treble which made
every man in the audience imagine
every hair on his head was the golden
string of celestial harp over which
angelic fingers were sweeping in the
inspiring old tune of "Sally put the ket-
tie on" Here she would rest awhile,
trilling like an enchanted bird, and then
hop in among the upper rotes again
with a git-up-and-git vivacity that
jingle the glass pendants ON the chan
deliers and ELECTED whoop of pleas
ure from every galoot in the mob. In
the last act she made a neat play and
worked in that famous kiss of hers on
Castle. He had her in his arms, with
her head lying on his shoulder and her
eyes shooting red-hot streaks of galvan-
lied love right into his. All at once
her lips began to twitch coaxingly and
get in position, and when he tumbled
to her racket he drawed her up easy
like, shut his eyes, and then her ripe,
luscious lips glued themselves to his
and thrill of pleasure nabbed hold of
him and shook him till the audience
oil OF - - 49, !
against his boots. Then she shut heI
eyes and pushed harder and-oh, Moley
Hosesi-the smack that followed
started the stitching in every mascu-
line heart in the house. She's thor.
oughbred right from the start, and the
fellow that takes in her kisses is more
to be envied than the haughtiest mon
arch that ever squatted down on 9
gold-plated throne"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24

An old peach-tree near Vallejo, CAL, has
developed singular freak. A bud volun.
tariIy appeared from a two-inch limb
which this year bore a dozen or more
sweet soft-shell almonds, while nothing
but insignificant peaches were produced
by the remainder of the tree The bud
started about four feet from the ground.
No other features are observable to indi-
cate that the tree is any other than an or
binary peach tree.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
Coronation and Inauguration.

SoIoHdtiou anu tHdukui ot'o"s
Pail Mall Gazette
President Garfield died between 10
and IL o'clock on Monday night. At
2 o'clock on Tuesday morning, two
New York judges administered the
presidential oath to his successor in the
presence of two witnesses, and Gen.
Arthur became president of the United
States. Thus quietly was performed
an act which may be regarded as the
American equivalent to the coronation
which. in this country is associated
with the accession to the throne. Al
though the great industrial common
wealth of the west brooks no titled
monarch, and delights % regard its rul.
er as but the first citizen Of the repub
lie, the president of the United States
exercises more direct personal power
than the occupant of the English
throne. He combines in his own per
son the most important functions o.
the sovereign and Of the prime minis
ter in the constitutional states, an(
the transfer of the presidential power
may easily be much more serious
matter than a change in the wearer o.
crown. Yet this revolution of pow
er was accomplished as quietly, will
as little interruption to the business o.
the republic, as if the seat that hai
been vacated and refilled had been tina
Of clerk in the postoffice instead o
being that Of the chief executive O
the most powerful nation In the world
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24

The Des Moines Qowa) Tri-Weekly
Tribune says: "A Harrisburg, Pa,
journal mentions that Mr.. D. Bensinper,
No. 4 Market Square, that city, was
cured by st. Jacobs Oil of violent at
tack of rheumatism"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
In Affectionate Remembrance.

Texas siffingA
"What shall get you to remind you
of me while am away asked q fash
ionable Austin young gentleman OF his
intended.
.Do you want to get me something
that viii always make me think you,
when I look at it?"
"Yes, darling"
"Then buy me a monkey to play
with"
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24

Many towns Of the western counties Of
Pennsylvania have beea compelled to sus-
pend their schools on account Of scarlet
fever and diphtheria.
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24

1t is useless to groan with rheuma
tism when q bottle Of st. Jacobs Oil
will cure it, as everybody knows.-
Columbus (Ohtol Daily Times
Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-11-24
Major Sanger and the Mule whacker


Major Sanger, who is known in
military slang as bantam, was re-
turning one day recently from Bis
marck to Fort Lincoln, which is across
the river, and the ambulance in which
he was riding was delayed by team
and wagon, driven by one of the class
known as mule whackers in this coun-
try. The driver and the mule whack-
er got into wordy alteration, and
Major Sanger got vely indignant at
what he believed to be impertinent
language and unwarranted interference
in his Journey. He jumped from the
ambulance, Tom Thumb in size but a
Goliah in fury and exclaimed:
sect that wagon out of the way"
The mule whacker looked at him
quizzingly, and asked:
"Who the devil are your"
81 am Major Sanger, of the army, sir,
and want you to get that wagon out
of the way"
The mule whacker elected mouth.
full of tobacco juice into the road and
remarked:
"Do you know what will do with
you, Major Sanger, of the army, sir, if
you don't make less noise with your
mouth p
"What will you do?' inquired the
major, looking as large and as fierce as
possible.
"Fn get mouse trap and catch you,
Major Sanger, of the army, sir, and
give you to my puppy to play with"