Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-11-24
Aamuruus department,
HOW TO MEET A DUELIST.

HOW TO MEET A DUELIST.
We have always regarded the practice of
duelug as a relic of the barbarous ages-a
custom which is sanctioned neither by the
laws of religion or of reason, and which
should be condemned by every moral, sober
Judging man. Of courage the duel is no
criterion. Oftentimes it happened that the
professed duelis., when called upon to meet
death or dangers in any unwonted shape, is
the first to turn his back and flee.
A few years since rs New England gen.
tleman, whose name we shall call Brown, was
passing few days at hotel in one of our
western cities, he had the misfortune to un-
Intentionally offend the susceptible honor of
tall Indiana colonel who was one of his
fellow boarders. His apologies not being
satisfactory, challenge was sent him, which,
however, he declined, upon the ground of
conscientious scruples. The colonel, who,
by the way, had won in two or three encoun.
ters, quite reputation as duelist, at once
conceived the idea that bis opponent was
coward, and resolved to disgrace him by
Aogging him in the face of all the assembled
wisdom of the house. Accordingly, the next
day, at dinner time, in marched the duelist,
armed with a formidable cowhide, and ad-
vancing to Browns chair, proceeded to dust
his jacket for him in the most approved STYLE
Brown was astonished. Luckily he had been
a lieutenant of militia in his native State,
and knew the Importance of incommoding
his enemy by a diversion. So, seizing a
gravy tureen, he tossed the contents into the
face of his belligerenr colonel and before that
hero could recover from the drowning SEN
sation thus occasioned, he sprang upon the
table and began to shower upon him with
liberal hand, the contents of the dishes.
"You are an internal"
Coward" the colonel was about to say,
but at that moment plate of greens struck
full upon his mouth, and the word was block
AIDED and lost forever
"Hap' cried the little New Englander,
whose blood was now up, "fond of greens,
are you? Take potatoe too )" and he hurl-
ed telling volley Of hard potatoes at him ;
excellent eggs here; capital things with
calves head and crash came plate of soft
boiled eggs, against the side of his Uranium.
The blows of the cowhide which had hith-
erto descended upon the Yankees head and
shoulders, now began to fall more weakly
and wildly ard it became evident that the
assailant half stunned, choked and partially
blinded, was getting the worst of it. His
courage was rapidly oozing out.
"Take turkey" shouted Brown, as no.
Bile old gobler descended fairly upon the colo
nel's head, and bursting, filled his hair and
eyes with delicious looking stuffng; ''and
here's the fxings" be continued as the squash
and jelly followed after.
By this time the colonel was irretrisvably
defeated, and his merciless opponent seized
huge plum pudding, steaming hot, and
holding it above his head with both hands
seemed about to bury him beneath it, he
quailed in terror, and throwing down his
cowhide turned about and made rush for
the door.
stop for the pudding, colonel; stop for
the pudding" shouted Brown. Pudding,
colonel, pudding" screamed all his fellow
boarders amid commissions of laughter. But
the colonel was too terrified to listen to their
kind invitations, and did noe cease running
until he had locked himself into his room.
But although the colonel escaped from the
plum pudding he could not escape from the
ridicule which the affair occasioned. He
subsequently challenged four persons against
whom his ire was particularly excited, and
they all consented to fight, but availing them
selves of the privilege of the challenged party,
appointed pudding bags for their weapons.
Atlength the unhappy duelist finding no one
who was willing 70 shoot or be shot at, was
obliged to quit the State.
DRAWING INFERENcEs.-"I liked your
sermon very much to-day, with single ex-
ception," said worthy pastor to minister
who had occupied his pulpit portion of the
Sabbath.
"Well, what was the exception ?"
81 think you used too many technical
phrases"
"Did I? didn't think of it."
"You repeatedly spoke of drawing infer
ences. Now that was Greek to many hear
ers."
"Oh no. Most every one of course knows
what we mean by drawing an inference"
"You are mistaken, brother, as sure as
you live. 1 do not believe one.half of my
congregation would understand the phrase" I"
fou certainly cannot be right"
81 am. Now there is Mr.. Smith," point
ing out man just turning the corner from
the meeting house, "who is quite an intelli-
gent farmer. We will overtake him, and
will ask him if he can draw an inference, and
I do not believe that he will understand me" !"
Accordingly the two ministers quickeued
their pace, and as they came up to the said