The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-12
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

| IHR soft corn IS hard enough 70 bear.
DOMESTIC dispatch-Johnny with the
! hot buckwheat
THE greatest Washers usually turn out
the smallest potatoes.
"YoU viii love only me, George, dar-
lng?" Sometimes" he says.
WHEN q New York young man pops
the question he says: Let's CONSOLE
| date"
THE New York NeaOs declares that sit
was a farseeing chap who invented the
telescope"
THE '1ronclad Oath" is when a fellow
reclines on the zenith end of a tack with
his bare foot
In New England they are making rum
from old shoes. One drink of it starts
! the flow of sole.
: Ii we were girl, we would select a
lover from among tailors-for they all
know how to press a suit
THE lazy boy fears that if he once be-
gins to earn his own living he will be al
ways expected to do it
The original poem read by Born
sterne Bjournson, just before he begins
his lecture is Tujggvasson. That's
Olof it.
GUBo1IARD, most candid of Philoso-
pliers, remarks: 'FWould that had ten
thousand year" '"To do whatP" 'To
do nothing"
A MANS residence, in law, Is where he
has his washing done. We pity Detroit
men. Poor devils, to have no homes
Boston Post
SHORT counting: ''Rachel, the Lord
hath sent me to marry thee" said the
sutton. ''The Lords will be done" was
the submissive reply.
PoLIoEMAN,-''NOw, then, move Onl
There's nothing the matter here"
If there was you wouldn't be here"
A LONDON wife cannot blow up her
husband without the people in the next
house rushing out to inform the authori-
ties that they have discovered Fenian
plot.
THE Baltimore Custom-house officials
claim that they can tell q smuggler in
six different ways. After he has been
told in one way, what good do the other
five do?
Hrs text was, 'rWhat doest thou here,
Ehiah?" He divided it into two heads.
First, my brethren" said he, '1et us
consider what Elijah did hear; and,
secondly, what he didn't hear"
NOTWITHSTANDING the fact land per-
haps in consequence of it, that the clergy
and justices of the peace are so busy all
the time making two people one, the
population continues TO increase.
They catch rats with baited hshhooks
in New York. We suppose IL Is an art
ist-hook-rat-ic amusement last lot Of
this kind, and going off like smoke at a
dollar q dozen. Orders by mail promptly
attended to- )-BITIington HalCEcye.
AT q restaurant-Gentlcman to waiter
passing VIII you kindly tell me the
hour?" Excuse Inc, / am not waiting
upon you; please AJAX the waiter OF your
aection, he replies, and seeing the same,
says; "Tell this gentleman, John,
what time it is.
A GENTLEMAN was complaining on
Change that he had invested a rather
large sum of money in Wall street and
lost it all. A sympathizing friend asked
him whether he had heen i'bull' or
Shear" TO which he replied: 'Neither;
was a jackass, Chicago Tribune.
'UNHAPPILY married? 1 should think
/ was !" cried the burlesque actress.
"Why, he doesn't beat me, doesn't come
home drunk, doesn't squander my earn-
ings! haven't the slightest excuse for
getting diverse, and I'm afraid I ahall
naver make name in the world"
essay, boy! say" exclaimed hot
looking man with valise, "what is the
quickest way to get to the oars !" Run"
yelled the boy; and the hot-looking man
was so pleased with the information that
if he could have got near enough to the
boy he would have given him something.
A YoUNasrER steps up to gentleman
in the park: "Sir, won't you please go
after my boat, which is going to fall into
the stream?" "But do you wish me To
throw myself into the water, ohildg'
"0h, yes, mamma said, ask the.
gentleman; he looks fool enough to do
it.
THERE are good many things in this
world to make man mad, The young
man who kindly stopped to assist blind
man afterwards found that the girl who
was looking at him from the window Of
the house was the housemaid, and not
the daughter and heiress of the proprie-
tor