Morris tribune., 1881-08-18

L have been IN many an engagement, but
this was the first and the last, and only
time I saw ship captured in fog.-From
An Ocaan Free Lance"
How Simon Peyeritt Got Married at Last.
Master Westley, clerk and sexton in the
small village of Woodham, was one win
ter's morning sitting by his CHEEKY freside,
watching alternately he rain, ferceIy beat
ing against the lattlce1 window panes, and
the brisk movements of his active little
daughter, as she moved to and fro, busy
about her household work. Presently she
came in, bringing hat, great-coat, and
umbrella, observing; you will be wanting
these soon, father. 1t is nearly IL o'clock. N
She had hardly said this, when loud
knocking was heard at the outer door, fol-
lowed by the abrupt entrance of little
middle-aged man ia a state of great excite
ment, his face red, his hair rumpled, his
boots sp'ashed with mud, and his coat
dripping with wet.
Why, Simon, what on earth's the mat
ter?" said the clerk, You don't look much
like bridegroom"
Bridegroom! No!" the little man ex-
claimed with bitter emphasis. Master
Westley, you'll hev to tell parson can't get
married to- day"
"Why, how is that?" asked the clerk.
81 can't get Mary up," quoth the indig-
nant and disappointed lover. I've been
rattlin' at her door, and throwin' stones at
her winder, and shoutin' till I'm as hoarse
as rook, and I'm nearly wet through with
the drippings from the husens(the caves of
the house,; but can't get she up. She
only Jest put Ter head out of the winder
for a minute, to tell me 'twor no good for
me to stand hocketting (makiRg great
noise) there; for she'd never take the
trouble to put on her best things, and go
out in that powerin' rain jest to marry me. "
"Why, Sim! this is rather bad begin
ming fol people about to marry isn't it?
I'm afraid the gray mare will be the best
horse in your team--won't she?" said the
kindly old clerk, with merry twinkle in
his knowing brown eyes. However I'd
better go and tell Mr. Howard, or he will
be putting his surplice ON for nothing.
Shall say to him that perhaps the we'd
ding shall come off tomorrow, if the
weather is finer, Mary will get up in timer"
IF she DON'T" vowed Sim, glaring venge-
fully. "She'n never hav another chance.
I'm fairly sick of her tricks. We've been
keeping company this last twenty year or
more, and now she don't know her mind
bit better than mawther (young girD ia
her teens. But won't stand it no longer.
She amt going to treat me like dog, or
mat for her to wipe her feet on. There's
widow Biggs would have me any day, and
glad; and nice comfortable womaa she
is too! The wedding ring shant lie long
in my pocket for want of wearer. And
there, Master Westly," said poor Sim,
almost in tears over his frustrated plans
and disappointed hopes. "Id meant this
to hev been a reg lar jolly day. I'd got
barrel of beer, and spare-rib of pork, and
re wor going to hev parsties and frawus
(pancakes), and a mort of good things
beside. to make reg'lar spree of it; and
row, it's all knocked on the head, aud
everybody knows I'm made fool of in the
bargin."
Cheer up, Sim" said Master westley.
ats aggriavating, I'll own; but Mary isn't a
bad sort, though she has rather cruggy
(crusty) te mper. She has been very true
to you; and it would be a pity for two such
faithful lovers as you've been, to part over
little tiff at last. I believe Mary is jeal-
Gus of the little widow You know people
did say once you were rather soft on her"
at was big story, burst out Sim. "She
tried to hook me, but never gave her no
encouragement"
Didn't you walk with her from church
last Sunday? 1 heard that you did and
carried little joey all the way home; and
kissed him when you put him down at his
mothers door,"
well, he axed me to give him kiss, so
couldn't do no otherwise. There was no
harm in that. sewerly."
Certainly not. Only, you see, as Mary
lives just opposite, and saw it all, she very
likely thought you'd be better engaged kiss.
ing her, instead of hanging round the wild
ow's door. Depend upon it, she's jealous;
and she's got highful spirit OF her own,
and is acting like this to make you think she
doesn't care whether she has you or no. If
she thought there was real danger of losing
you, she'd come rouRd in minute, as
tractable as yed like.
"But how can make her think SOP"
'Well, you won't be doing any work to-
day, and it's dull tiffiing Cidling) about do
ing nothing. Take and brush yourself up
smart, and go and have chat with Mrs.
Biggs. Take some oranges and sweets for
Joey. Don't look at Mary's house; and
mind and make a grand show of petting
and kissing the boy in frent of the window,
where she can see it all. She'll be more
jealous than ever. But if she doesn't marry
you tomorrow, I'll eat my head"
"Ah, Master Westley, you're a deep one,
you are!" said Simon, regarding his astute
adviser with admiration. "But it don't
fare to be ezackerly jonnick (straightfor-
ward) to do SO. and amt fond of smar-
min babies over with kisses. Still, if you
think it will bring Mary up to the scratch,
I'll cen try it. If it dent. marry Sukey
uill. without any more shilly- -sallying."
Master Westly then started for the recto-
ry; and Sim paid his visit to the widow.
he remained in her snug little home some
time, and must have acted his part uncom-
monty we'll, for he had hardly reached
home again, when he was visited by his old
sweetheart. That eccentric spinster, ignor-
ing her own wayward conduct that day. at
tackled Sim with storm Of reproaches,
accusing him of fickleness and falsehood
in forsaking her for "that sly, carneying,
little widder; and after keeping company
with me for SO many years!" she plaintively
added.
"No," said Sim, stoutly: at war no fault
o. mine. was ready to do my part this
morning. It was you as run word. ButIll
eat humble pie no longer. If you don't
want to hev me. know one as does. I'll
marry you to. morrow, If you like. If you
don't I'll never ak you againln
Mary was q tall, blaek.eyed, comely look,