davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15

80 ~
A story is a1oat to the effect that q
foreign authoress who went to Del
monico's uptown restaurant to dine
found that the waiter who came forward
to wait upon her was her own brother.
The item was shown to the manager at
Delmonico's, and he was asked If there
were any truth in it. He shook his
head and smiled. #a
every now. and then" he said,
"some story of the kind is set afoat.
Generally, however, It is about a waiter
who is nobleman."
els it not a fact that occasionally you
have q nobleman among your"
cit is not at ell unlikely. There are
plenty of noblemen abroad who are very
poor, and sometimes are hard put to It
for a good meal. In such cases they
often drop their titles. IF they come to
this country, why should they not work
at waiting as well as any other business
Then there are fast young noblemen
who run through their means and emil
CRATE. They have not been brought up
to any business they are unacquainted
with the ways of American life. But
they know about table service, and a
job as waiter is the thing they are best
fitted for. Noblemen are not scarce In
the Old World. In Germany the title
goes to all of the sons of nobleman.
have no doubt there are noblemen jerk
ing beer in the Bowery. We have had
noblemen occasionally among our corps
of walters. There is nothing surprising
in it. We see en-merchants, brokers,
etc.-who make great deal of money.
They live fast, spend freely, and make a
big figure in the world for a time, and
then comes a smash, and they disap-
pear. Perhaps we may afterward hear
of them working in q mine or herding
cattle on the plains. There is nothing
to surprise any one in finding that the
waiter who takes your order is a Baron
or a Count. "-NeW York Sun.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15
Only Half Wise.

Spiridion Gopcevich, in his amusing
book upon Upper Albania, accounts fol-
the dilapidated state Of Scutari Castle
by the following narrative, the authen
ITCHY of which he guarantees In the
spring of 1874 the Vail of Scutari hap.
pened to hear that 100 years or SO ago
a Giaour named Franklin had invented
an instrument, by the judicious use o.
which lightning strokes might be rem
'dered harmless to human life and prop.
erty. Forthwith he resolved to become
possessed OF one of these wonder-work-
ing contrivances but, upon inquiring
it's price, he found that the resources Of
his exchequer would not avail to defray
the cost of the complete apparatus. He,
therefore, ordered from abroad the super
fetal portion of lightning conductor,
deemlng its subterranean complement
of wires superfuous aud, when it ar
rived, caused it to be set up exactly over
the powder magazine of the castle, in
order to insure perfect immunity from
electrical dangers to the explosive con.
tents of that repository. An unusually
long spell OF fine weather succeeded the
VAOOOAOh VI U1lO uuct1 uAlCub, HUGH 10 Ills
Excellencys xexation; but at length,
one sultry day, heavy clouds gathered
rapidly over Scutari, and the exultant
Vail, fortunately for himself, hurried
down from the citadal to the tower in
order to watch the effect of the first flash
from window of his serai commanding
fine view Of the lightning conductor.
He had not long to wait for a coup thai
surpassed his widest expectations. A
fiery streak darted from the sky, followed
by tremendous conclusion and when
the smoke cleared off it was the Pasha':
melancholy privilege to behold his be-
loved citadal in ruins. The Vail s morti.
fcation may be better conceived thar
described, especially when it reached
his ears that leading notable of Scutari
commenting upon the result Of his scien
tifc experiments, had observed: 5000
is great, and the Vail is an ass He has
swallowed the Giaours' dirt, and pai6
them for it to boot. His face is. black
ened for ever. Allah's will be done ?"-
London TeLe0raDh.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15
Dumas Generosity,

The son, then lad of IS or SO, met Il
friend on the boulevards. They had not
seen each other for some time, and Du-
mas suggested that they should dine to-
gether. Its far from home, F." he OBJ
served, "but I've just Is francs III
my pocket. and dare say we can man
age pretty well on that" AS matter
of fact, there are restaurants in Paris
where you may get pretty little dinner
for two, and sound bottle of wine into
the bargain, for that sum. Still it II
rather tight fit, and great was the JOY
of Dumas when they had proceeded a
few PAGES to behold his father
on the other side of the street.
"Wait moment, he exclaimed to his
companion. EN- run across and get
some money from him." The friend be-
held him in earnest conversation for
three minutes, then. Dumas the younger
returned, looking rather crestfallen.
"We'l, has he paid up?" "No ). and,
what's worse, he's gone and borrowed
my Is francs. I'm afraid there's
nothing left for it but to go home" To
10 the papa justice. he was extremely
generous with his money when he had
any. He loved TO change his notes into
gold and pour the coins into wooden
oowl which lay on his writing desk,
Everybody who came to ask for coin
was then hidden to help himself Lon
dan TRUTH
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15

A lady correspondent, writing from
Washington, says The notes that ac-
cumulate in ones writing desks here,
from the wives Of our public men, would
make an interesting scrap book as repre-
senting various grades of culture and re-
finement. l have just been cleaning
mine out from six months accumula-
ton, and the matter is fresh in my
mind. The higher the social average of
the lady, the more courteous and deli
cate her manner of address the less
self-assertion does she consciously and
unconsciously display. II, for instance,
Mrs. Blaine, or Mrs. Waite, or Mrs.
Gen. Sherman, or Mrs. Morton has oc-
casion to write note, she will sign her
Individual name. Lady Thornton, SIM
pie and elegant, is ]" Faithfully yours,
Mary Thornton !" Mrs. Waite, in like
manner, is "Amelia Waite p Mrs.
Blaine is Harriet n. Blaine !" Mrs.
Sherman, with touch of daughterly
pride that is wholly pleasing, blended
with her sincere courtesy, is Ellen Ew-
ing Sherman :" Mrs. Morton's sigma
ture, briefest of all, yet piquant, is " A.
Morton" wherein she does slight in
justice to her full name, for she was
pretty Anna Street. of Poughkeepsie. a
niece.of the poet. But the wife of Con-
gresham Smith or !, ones or Thompson,
whose spelling is only worse than her
grammar. will annihilate you at her
missive's close by the frigid signature,
/" Mrs, John Smith or Mrs. Leander
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15
Young People at a Parry,

remember that when I was quite
young going to party was nearly as
much trial to me as pleasure. Being
dlttident, [ dreaded entering the room,
and encountering the eyes OF the people
already assembled there, and, once fairly
In, I was overshadowed all the evening
by the dreadful necessity OF, by-and-by,
retiring. Beside, l felt sense of re-
sponsibility which was very oppressive,
and was so afraid of not doing or saying
what was expected of me that [ moved
and acted awkwardly, and no doubt
looked perfectly miserable.
Perhaps some of you have had expert
ences similar to mine. Now let me tell
you that I have lived to laugh at my
foolish shyness, and to be very sorry for
boys and girls who suffer from the same
thing. When you are invited to COM
panyf the first thing In order is to reply
to the invitation. This is polite, whether
you accept or not, and it is imperative if
you decline. Send your answer as soon
as possible, in some such simple phrase
as this: Harold or Florence thanks
Mrs. - for her kind invitation for
Thursday evening, and accepts it with
pleasure" or "declines it with real re-
greet, as the case may be. Arrived at
your friends house you will be directed
to the proper place for the removal of
your wraps and the arrangement of your
toilet, and then you have only to pro-
coed to the parlor, where your hostess
will relieve you from embarrassment by
meeting you at once. She is, of course,
the first person whom you are to greet.
Having spoken to heryou are at liberty to
find other friends. Do not think that
people are looking at you, or noticing
your dress or your looks. They are
doing nothing of the kind. Engage
heartily in whatever amusement is pro-
vided for the occasion, but do not put
yourself needlessly forward. IF spoken
to-, reply modestly but inteligently,
even though for the moment there may
be q hush in the room. If you really
wish to enjoy yourself seek out some
body who seems to be more a stranger
than yourself, and try to do something
for his or her pleasure. Forget that
you are not acquainted with everybody,
and remember that it is your duty to
help your hostess in making her party
success. Should your greatest enemy
be present, you must, of course, be per-
fectly civil and agreeable in your man.
ner to him, for in your friends house
you are both under flag of truce.
When you say good night to your en-
tertainers, be suret to thank them for the
pleasure you have had. Do not stay too
late, but avoid being the first to go, or,
if you must leave early, do it as quietly
as possible, lest your withdrawal should
be the signal for others to leave, fhus
breaking up the party too soon.-Har-
per'S Young People.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15
Pet Sunelrstitions.

Nearly every man, be he ignorant or
educated, has his pet superstition. Some
great men have believed In omens, while
others have thought that to omit GER
tain act was to invite mischief upon
themselves. Napoleon was an example
of the first class, and DIR. johnson of the
second.
M. Passy had the following anecdote
from Gen. Rapp himself, who, on, his
return from the siege Of Dantzic, hay
ing occasion to speak to the Emperor,
entered his cabinet without being an
nounced.
He found him in such profound medi-
tation that his entrance was not noticed.
The General, seeing that he did not
move, was afraid he might be indis-
posed, and purposely made roise.
Napoleon Immediately turned round,
and, seizing Rapp by the arm, pointed
to the heavens, saying Do you see
that ?" s- s.
The General made no reply. Being
interrogated second time, he answered
that he perceived nothing. HM
"What r responded the Emperor,
"you do not discover it? 1t is my star
It is Immediately in front of you-most
brilliant p
And, becoming gradually more ex-
cited, he exclaimed: cit has never
abandoned me I behold it on all great
occasions. Itcommands me to advance,
and that to me is sure sign of success. .
The illusion of the sense may be ex-
planned by some as symptom OF one of
those impending epileptic attacks to
which it is we'll known he was subject.
Lord Nelson had belief in omens,
we know, by the horseshoe he had nailed
to the mainmast of the Victory, of
which his coffin was made. 1#
To quote another and very different
class OF. mind from that of either of the
great men mentioned, as influenced by
the same consideration for the ruling of
tri6es, We may refer to the singular
habit Of DIR. johnson.
AS described by Boswell, he never
entered a doorway without counting a
certain number of steps, and SO Judging
the distance that the last step should
fall upon the threshold Of the door with
q certain foot. .<
So particular was johnson in this re-
spect that, on more than one occasion,
when he had failed to time himself, he
returned to correct his steps.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15

mails and folks and fishes, and, down in
this bowlful of water, periwinkles put
ting out their heads for something 10
eat, and barnacles fishing for their food.
Everything is full, isn't it2"
eyes, darling, replied auntie, 'there
is life everywhere; on the earth, In the
sea, creatures are telling of His majesty,
who with almighty and undying love
made all the world and the fullness
thereof. ;"
Dinner is yeddy," shouted little
Sammy, and DolIie hurried off to find
her luncheon. The party were all gath
cred on the --LATEST rock, where they had
spread cloth and were sfxing dinner"
How good it tasted; chicken and bis
cult and ham sandwiches and red lob
sters whose delicate little claws tasted
of the sea.
Dollie eyed Nellie's mothers basket
wistfully, for she saw loaf of delicious
chocolate cake there, and her mother had
only made sponge. Mrs. Sam saw the
eager eyes, and then the cake was cut
aud shared, and Dollie declared to her
self that Nellie Sans mother was just
magnificent p
Wen have sail in the yacht after
luncheon. said papa; at which news
al the little eyes grew two sizes bigger.
"Of on the big ea?" cried little
Sammy.
eyes, and get taste of salt water. +"
replied papa, smiling.
Then they clambered into the pretty,
trim little boat, and, with the skipper at
the helm, sailed off gayly into the green
waves.
1t was delig tful for awhile, then
Dollie began to feel dizzy, and presently
she laid her head down in mammals lap
and felt "horrid." Nellie and Sammy
stopped laughing, and pretty soon Sam
my was sick and cried. Then mamma
| told the skipper to take them all home,
as she didn't think they liked the taste
of the salt water and, when they
| jumped off on land again, Dolie shud-
dered and said: 81 like the rocks a
| great deal better than the waves, and l
think the little barnacles are a great
deal happier down In their little pools
OF sea water among the rocks than they
would be if they went to sea on ships. "
Auntle and papa laughed and said that
Dollie was no sailor, and then they
drove home along the beach. The sun
had on his bathing robes of purple and
gold as he went down into the ocean,
and though Dollie was half asleep and
very tired, she told grandma, when she
got home, all about the periwinkles
and the barnacles and the delightful day
she spent on the rocks at Nahant.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15

of all the rest of the English-speaking
world the Judgment of these forty men
and the opinion of these forty men is
worth more than that of the loo, 600. OeO
beside. The conclusion of one wise
man is worth more than that of thor
sand fool. Is this the surrendry Of pri-
vate Judgment? Not at all. It is the
mele re ,ognition of the trust that we
mus II .lt In competency. We hold
that it is now the duty of every wise
preacher Immediately to introduce the
new version into his Sabbath ministra-
tons, and of the private Christian to
use it for his devotions. The hide
pendent.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15
Sentimental People.

Oh! how L detest your sentimental
people who pretend to be full of feeling.
who will cry over a worm, and yet treat
real misfortune with neglect There are
yourfineladies that have seenin dining
room, and when 10y accident an earwig
has come out of a peach, after having
been half-kilIed in opening it, one would
exclaim, "Oh poor thing you have
broken it's back-do spare i'll can't
bear TO see it suffer Oh, there, my Lordl
how you hurt it i; stop, let me open the
window, and put it out And then the
husband drawIs out. MY wife is quite
remarkable for her sensibility; mar
ried her purely for that" And then the
wife cries, "0h, now, my Lord, you are
too good to say that; if l had not had
grain of feeling, should have learned
it from you" And so they go on prais-
ing each other; and perhaps the next
morning, when she is getting into her
carriage, a poor, half-starved woman
begs charity of her, and she draws mp
the glass and tells the footman another
time not to let those disgusting people
stand at her door.-LGdy St0nh0pe.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15
Cultured Capitalists.

Mr.. Mackay and his father-in-law
Col. Hungerford, sat side by side in a
proscenium box in a Paris theater. They
looked complacently over the vast and
brilliant assemblage. sf 6aa aes sss y,
''Bong tong audience, said Mr.. Mac
kay to Col. Hungerford.
Vice." replied the Colonel to our
John. - .-,.-1..l-@..s.
8 Eleet-cran de la-hote tong. Ell p,
quoth John, as his shirt bosom swelled
with conscious pride. -...e4 sr.
"Wee,n said the Colonel.
+ The Colonel then shook hands with the
Comstock millionaire and congratulated
him on his flow of French.
The curtain went up, and one of the
stars flashed like meteor before the
spectators.
"Magnifeek 7" cried the Colonel.
"Tray bean r. shouted Mr.. M.
"Onkoree = shrieked the Colonel.
a "Toot sweet /" yelled John.
After the play Mackay drew, the
Colonel to one side and whispered in his
ear: At
81 don't mind tellin' We. I spake
italian as well as I do French-1o Won p,
Yes, replied the Colonel, 81 guess
we've both been cultured in the same
dollhouse. "-SSluer Cliff Prospect. a
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15
Why the New Revision VIII Be Ac.
aon&aH E4...


Of course, the translation viii receive
criticism. 1t asks it and can endure it.
We have sometimes been thought too
much In haste to accept it without hest
tation In advance. We have been will
ing to do it, and the reason is simple.
We do not set ourselves up against the
most competent scholars of the world.
Their conclusions will have to be accept
ed at last. Now the twenty-five English
and the thirteen American revisers we're.
in the first place, picked out as the best
men known In the English-speaking
world, the most competent to form and
express wise opinion on the subject
of the new translation Of the Greek
Testament. They have now devoted
their most patient study to the subject
for five years. They have with the ut
most patience studied every word and
weighed every consideration that will
occur to the more hasty critics of their
work. The result is that of their united
wisdom, Put now against the Judgment
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15
Marrying in nl.Health.

A prominent Eastern physician has
related that he was consulted by two
.consumptives as to the propriety of mar
rying. They were both weakly in con-
stitution, but intellectually brilliant, and
their tastes were harmonious. They
loved each other ardently, and could not
be happy apart. He counseled them to
marry, and they did SO. They lived to-
gether most pleasantly for about q
dozen years, AID died at about the same
time. According TO the physical school
Of thinkers, they should have remained
single, each dragging out the twelve
years in solitary discomfort OF course
there can be no general lule for cases in
which disease exists; each instance must
be judged on its own merits.-Cinci'e
natl Gazette.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15
"IfI Was President,

| ' "
Now, if I was President, began Mr..
Butterfly the other morning, as he
passed his cup over for q second cup of
coffee, if was President of the United
| States"
(Which you aren't, you know, broke
in Mrs. b., in an .argtinental and conf
Dental tone. f's'l So
:" And not likely to be-" added Mrs.
b. s mother, with contemptuous toss
of her head. H 81
No." assented Mr.. b., pleasantly,
but was just surprising the case"
Then suppose something in reason"
retorted Mrs. B., snappishly. You
might as well suppose you was the man
III the moon or the Man in the Iron Mask
Or"
$50 I might, my dear, SO 1 might"
assented Mr.. B., still pleasantly smiling,
"but that has nothing to do with it. /
was merely going to say that if was
President of the United States I'd
my !" burst in Miss Gertrude, aged
| Is, wouldn't it be splendid if you was,
pa? just to think how those Wheedle-
top girls would change their tune when
| meet them, instead of throwing out
their insinuatons about people who con-
slider it Christian-like to turn their last
seasons silk dress, SO that they might
have more to give to charityi But they
might turn green with envy before l
would ever" s... ..s,.t..f.
90 Yes, and wouldn'J warm it to Sam
my Duggan,, just" chirped in Master
Thomas, aged IL. cid go up to him
an smack him on the nose with brick
fore he knowed where he was, an he
dassent hit me back then, COS it 'ud be
treason, an they'd hang him; and I'd
slide on the sidewalk an shy snow-balls
at the pleeceman, all sass Miss Feru'e,
an play hockey every day when it didn't
"Yes,' chimed in Mrs. B., catching
the infection from her enthusiastic
progeny, tsand then I'd be the first lady
in the land, let the next be who she
I would and Governors wives would beg
to be introduced to me, and I'd have
balls twice week and banquets every
day, am" ..tF
| "And I'd have the management of the
White House, and run things" remarked
Mrs. BIS mother, her eyes sparkling
with the prospect. - =. '-,se.., :
"Not much you wouldn't, " from Miss
Gertrude mot much. if I keep my
health and know myself, you wouldn't,
not as long as 1 was the Presidents
daughter and, - s.nss as6 sr,lt ss.f .s
/" Yah r calculated Master Tom, IL
guess the Presidents son would be the
| biggest plum in that dish! Wouldn't /
be the Prince of Whales then--say |?
What'ud you know bout 2a0'.aa
"Shut np--all of you commanded
Mrs. B. q reckon the Presidents wife
is the highest authority in the land ?
Anyhow, there'd be a dusty old time if
anybody questioned it, and I bet when
the exercises were finished the survivors
would not ask for any Electoral Com
mission to decide it over again I NY!
I'd like to see anybody but, by the
way, Mr.. Butterfly, what was it you was
going to say you would do if you was the
President of the United States o.
Resign as soon as the Lord would
4 Aet me-" said Mr.. Butterfly, calmly but
determinedly.
And then meditative silence fell
upon the family and remained there un-
til the meeting arose. ,,,.-. es.--e d
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15
LOST, A Roy.

He went from the old home hearthstone,
Only six years alo,
laughing, frolieking fellow,
Ii would do you good to know.
blnce then we have not see him,
And we say, with nameless pain,
The boy that we knew and loved 50
We shall never see again.
One bearing the name we gave him
Comes home to us to-day,
But this is not the dear fellow
We kissed and sent away.
Tall as the man he calls ia her,
With a mans look in his face,
Is he who takes by the hearthstons
The lost boys olden place.
We miss the laugh that made music
Wherever the lost boy went,
Ihls man has smile most winSome,
bis eyes have q grave intent;
We know he is thinking and planning
His way In the world Of men,
And we cannot help but love him,
But we long for our boy again.
We are proud OF this manly fellow
Who comes to take his place,
With hints of the vanished boyhood
In his earnest, thoughtful face;
And yet comes back the longing
For the boy we henceforth must miss,
Whom we sent away from the hearthstons
Forever with kiss.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15

THERE was only one passenger on
board the ship, and the Captain and
mate contrived to get the most and best
of what was on the table. One day
there was rollypoly pudding with the
sweet-meats in the middle. "Do you
like puddin' ends, sir2" asked the Cap
tain. "No, 1 don't like pudding ends,
sir" said the passenger. "Well, me
and my mate does" said the Captain,
cutting the pudding In two and putting
one-half on the mates plate and the
other on his own. And the two soon
made an end OF both.