Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-02-16
FUNNYGRAPHS.

|
Don't feed him.
IF she offers you the mitten to-day
take 1t just to keep your hand in.
SOUR are the uses of asperity. -NeaO
York Meas.
HE bee, although somewhat of row.
er, thinks his first duty is to hum.
WHY are silent people like their own
mouths because they hold their
| tongues.
WHEN Tommy puts a piece of JOHNNY
cake In his pocket for lunch he calls Il
an Indian reservation. Boston Courier,
"THAT puts a.different face on it." as
| the boy said when the ball struck the
clock dial.
WHY is young lady forsaken by her
lover like deadly weapon because
she is cutlass.
COLLECTOR: " How many more times
do you wish me to call for this monev?"
Doctor: "My dear sir, you need never
call again. [ shall not be offended
UNHEALTHY EMPLoYMENT-Th occu-
patton Of reviewer. Az his best, when
at work, he is always in critical condi-
tion.-Panach.
BEAUTY is but skin deep, but in the
case of some particularly large oranges,
that is deep enough to satisfy the most
fastidious.
GARFIELD is not obliged to shovel snow
from his sidewalk at Mentor. The Of
| tce-seekers keep a beaten path open
during the heaviest snow-storms.
WHEN you hear man say that snow
balllng is healthy amusement, and the
boys ought to be allowed to enjoy it.
don't think him a generous soul; set
him down as glazier.
A CERTAIN musical critic is SO full of
music that he eats soup with a tuning
fork.-E'cchange Wepresume it is also
natural for him to pause and rest at
Journal.
A oUAKER's advice to his son on his
Weddlng-day: "When thee went a.
counting I told thee to keep thy eyes
wide open now that thee is married. I
tell thee to keep them half shut
EVEN the wisest is sometimes a fool.
For example, the philosopher who wore
his spectacles when he was asleep that
he might recognize friends he might see
In his Dreams
g MAMMA, isn't it very wicked to do
behind ones back what one wouldn't do
before ones face?" Certainly, Effie!''
"Wel, baby bit my finger when [ was
looking another way!'-Pmacb.
"THIs is the maiden al forlorn," who
often wished she had never been born,
and turned up her nose In petulant scorn
at the girl who last seasons hat had
worn.
The Boston E0ery Saturday COM
mences an item with 'tAn old woman
died in the west end last week. It is
supposed the result was just as fatal as
if she had died all over. -Norr5stoaUn
Herald.
TRAMP: "Whose 'ouse is this, sir?"
Gardener: esquire Noakes'.' Tramp:
"Do you think [ could get anything
there ?" Gardener: "Wen, I don't
know. The last O. your sort got twenty
one days"
A FRIEND said to grocer who had re-
tired from business. &C My dear fellow,
you are looking thinl Idleness does not
agree with you -" Well, no." limo
Gently responded the grocer; 81 don't
weigh as much as / did"
PUPL-"W What is a hero, Mr.. Birch
emp Teacher (Mr. Birchem)-"
hero is man who conquers himself
Pupl-''Ah, / see; man who can sit
down on tack and only feel sad about
it. ''-Andrea0s' Bazar.
Two Rochester men went fishing and
on their return were asked as to their
success. "Oh," said one of them, "we
had about the same measure of fortune;
Brown brought home perch and I a
pole"
WHAT are you going to put in that
book?" asked the delegate. "Time,"
replied the secretary. And then the
delegate, who was a wise man, knew that
he was going to copy his minutes into it.
Huntington Haa0Aeye.
A YOUNG lady in Rome says she has
often heard Of the backbone of winter,
but she never knew what it really was
until she attempted to walk on the
bridges of snow which are politely
termed sidewalks. She thinks the afore-
said backbone should be broken at once
with pickaxe and shovel. Rome Sen
ti7ael
Snow storms are rare and strange In
New Orleans, and it is said of an old
slave who for the first time saw the
flakes falling, that he called his master
and said that it was raining cotton. It
may be recorded that recently a resi-
| dent of New Orleans was complained of
for not cleaning the snow off his side
walk.
"SMP1E SIMON No, Jay Gould is
not farmer. You probably gained the
impression he was by reading the news
papers, which speak of him watering
the stock Won ORC Y.iOht uhQr> Won cav
you would like toseeh him. This country
is full of people who would like to see
Jay Gould. -DetroH Free Press.
AN Irish resident of Lewiston, Me-, on
trial In the Supreme Court for rum-sell-
ing, objected to two of the iurymen, and
when reminded by the Judge that he
must give good and sufficient reasons
for challenging, naively said: ssMay it
please yer honor, Mr.. Judge, I would
good deal rather be tried by a man that