Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-06-30
Let No Fat Man Escape.

fatE lOu OCT ne WIS! Anu ne WIS
one of those cautious men who wear
their winter fannels and socks up to
the first of June for fear of cold waves
and rheumatic twinges. 1t grew hotter
and hotter as he came down Grand
River Avenue, and he finally slid under
the awning of saloon and dropped
down on the head of an empty becr-keg
and groaned out:
Lands alive! but she's more than
billing! Seems to me that I've CON-
menced to melt!''
He hadn't got the perspiration wiped
man came along from the other way and
also halted. Not a drop of moisture
could be seen on his face, and his hair
was as dry as n clothes-line.
81 presume, SIR" he began, "that
you find this heat uncomfortableP"
"Great snakesl but I'm roastedi"
groaned the other.
Nevertheless, desire to make you
an address on the subject of the wealth
err. The seasons are divided into four.
We will first take the winter season.
"0h! 1 don't want to hear anything
about the weather. want to cool off
and get home"
Nevertheless, the winter season in
cludes December, january and Febru-
ary," continued the lean man, rs he
walked up and down. "Do you know
why we have cold weather in the winter
and warm weather in the summerP"
"Say, let me alone, won't youp
came within an inch of being sunstruck.
"Spring Is the next season, and some
times it is wonderful how closely IL fol-
lows winter, and then again Il Is won-
derful how it hangs off until fall. Spring
is supposed to include March, April,
May and several billiards and freshets."
"Say, won't stand itl II you don't
move on I'll injure you for life!"
ave now come to the third season."
observed the lean man, as he folded his
hands behind his back. "The third
season is called summer, and includes
the months of June, July and August.
June was named after old Juneberry, q
Greek orator who commended -"
"Win you move on!" yelled the fat
man, as he pushed his handkerchief
down the back of his neck.
"l will not" was the calm reply.
"June was named after old Juneberry,
a --.n
"Who the dickens caresi"
"All of us. Old Juneberry contended
That the sun was composed Oh
The fat man tried to get up, but little
creeks of preparation ran down his
back, one of his suspenders broke short
off, and he fell back and yelled "po-
lice Z" In q voice 80 husky that he seemed
to have peachstone In his throat.
Three or four men came out OF the sa-
loon, and he pointed TO the lean man
and gasped out:
Five dollars to the man that mashes
himi"
"And we now come TO the fourth sea-
son." coolly remarked the lean man, as
he walked slowly away, switch in
cludes September, October and Novem-
Der, and in leaving this for another field
of labor want 10 say TO you, old fatty,
that I'll lay for you from now until tho
end of dog -days but what You shall hear
the remainder Of my address and old
Juneberry's reasons for believing that
the sun was composed of scraps and
ends of lightning which had drifted into
sort of aerial whirlpool. You may
sweat and blow and call for the police,
but I'll trail you To the bitter end, and
don't you forget ita'
And he walked briskly away under
the hot sun Just - the fat man was 70.
ing to raise the reward for smashing
him TO e50-Detvoit Free Rvess.