The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15
sPooPENDYKE FOB MAYOR,
His Wife Want. the BABY Named, and II
Wakes Wroth.


dyke, drawing up chair. "Its something bet
ter than that; / have been nominated for May
or, the reconciliation ticket"
"Why, how many are they going have n asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, in some aInazement. 'Thsre's
Mr.. Tracy, and General Ropes, and Judge Slo-
cum, and Major Howell, and Mr. Low, and are
You 10 be Mayor, too ~
'They have all Withdrawn in my favor said
Mr.. Spoopendykc, "and they have put me for
ward to reconcile all the conflicting elements
that Spoopendyke is the only man in BROOKLYN
fit for the Maysrality. Think of thatw
81 don't know about the clements argued
Mrs. SpO0pendyke. '.Do You think you could
regulate those' always supposed the weather
was taken"
''What about the weather. What do you
suppose Mayor is, anyway Got an idea he's
a dod gasted harometeri Think he runs up and
down in wooden box, and points himself ont
with brass thumb' Well, he doesn't. He sits
around and takes the responsibility, while other
people manage his office for him. See into it
now ?"
Certainly" replied Mrs. Spoopendyke. "And
so they can't really agree ON anybody but you n
aft seems So" responded Mr.. Spoopendyke.
''The most respectable delegation in the city
waited ON me to-day, and said that the welfare
Of Brooklyn depended on Spoopendyke.n
'I'm glad it was respectable, dear, because
some of them are not. | saw that the Jefferson
Mclaughlin delegation had their seats protest
ed.r
''You SAW growled Mr.. Spoopendyke; "you're
always seeing. If you had one more eve and
sold by the bushel, you'd make first class po-
tato patch! My delegation was composed of
DIR. Talmage and DIR. Van Dyke, General Tracy
and Mr.. Ropes Mr.. Dunno aud Judge Morris,
Mr. Beecher and DR.. Storrs, Mr.. Kinsella and
Mr.. Mclaughlin, and Mr.. Howell and Mr. Low
The Chairman Mr.. De Witt, and he said
that my nomination was the grandest enterprise
ever intrusted to the intellect of man. Think
of that. nov ~
''Isn't that perfectly splendid! / wonder if
We eouldn't get Mr.. De Witt to come around
and name the baby! How do you reconcile all
those elements 7"
.'By being Mayor, don't you understand Each
one wants his own man, and as he can't get him.
they agree on me, and in l go. Dr. Talmage
made some eloquent remarks about me- He
said: we nominate you, sir, to perpetuate per-
petuityi Down with our opponentsi Let rec
Onciliation reign! When Moses became Mayor
of the Israelites, he smashed the tablets, Let
SpOO1endyke break the ill-cOnceived, misbegot-
ten bigotted, rotten slate of our adversaries !!
QHOd erdt deaOHstrdndum! declare, he was per-
fectly wild over itr
''What does it mean-that foreign language ~
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, with warm interest
at was very good OF him TO say it, but don't
understand it,"
"QHOd eret dsmORsfrdadans That means If you
expect something and don't get it, it's all right
anyhow explained Mrs. Spoopendyke. DIR.
Van Dyke followed him. and said that he had
spoken with characteristic accuracy, aud hoped
that l would help in the vineyard and some
thing else I've forgotten. That made Mr.. Tai
mage cry"
"The poor man. sympathized Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke; IL don't see how you can reconcile men
who hurt each others feelings
.'If he'd hurt his feelings, thcre'd have been a
row, instead of tears. These ministers only cry
when they feel good. Then Mr.. Mclaughlin
made speech, and said he would help me, when
got to he Mayor"
'.Isn't he just too sweet ~ muYmured Mrs
Spoopendyke. 'lf baby was only a boy, we'd
name him Mclaughlin spoopendyke. Who else
spoke 7"
"sir. KinSela was the next"
''What Office does he holdf" inquired Nr.
Spoopendyke.
.'Iie holds the Eagle Office, and he said frankly
that his paper was the first to bring me before
the public. lie thought he had been instrumental
in my nomination, and hoped would see that
proper delegations were sent TO the State Con-
ventions. He's a nice man, Kinsclla Some saw
that lis and look alike
"ue must DO a handsome man, said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, contemplating her husband adj
miringly. "I'm sorry we can't name the baby
after him. What did Mr.. Beecher sayf,
..SIT. Beecher said that some men were no
more born Mayors than they were born police
men; but they subsequently developed inward
nesses that raised them to the power and glory
of Office and dignity, though they might have
originally been regular old husks. That brought
up DIR. Storrs. who said that the finest particles
Of animate nature frequently conspired in the
same individual, and lifted him So far above the
finite that unobserving men mistook them for
the infinite"
.'Good gracious," squealed Mrs. Spoopendyke;
''and to think that they all meant you! The
first time ] see DIR. Storrs, he shall kiss the ba-
by
Wasn't it glorions p exclaimed Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, dancing around the room. ''Mr. Ropes
wanted me to get him lease of the State pris-
Ous and General Tracy asked my influence in
securing an act, making young Republicanism
Il mis,!emcanor, punishable by fine or imprison-
ment, or both. You never heard of such time
in your life, Judge Morris made speech in
favor of life tenure of Office and Mr.. dunno
made me promise to turn the Judge loose ON the
criminal classes. 1t was n regular love-feast.
Mr.. Howell made some remarks about a general
license system, and Mr.. Low made u glowing
speech, in which he congratulated the aristocra-
cy Oh nominating a man who could sign his
name with glove on. l wish you could have
been there. There was another man whose
name / have forgotten, but he urged me TO be
honest. Said he'd been honest all his life
Made business Of it. Never ventured in out
side speculations, but traded solely in honesty
wholesale, retail, gallon, small measure, OF pint.
Honesty furnished at short notice. Discount to
the trade. Canned goods for western consump-
ton. He was good one"
"Well, ] never heard anything like il ~ cooed
Mrs. Spoopendyke. II suppose now the Com
mon Council will come up here to play with the
baby; but say, dear, you won't be compelled TO
steal any bonds and run away, will you!r
"No, wont, won't j y howled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. IL tell you, I'm going to have plain sail
ing. The whole town is in favor of me, and I'll
he the first popular Mayor this village has ever
had
"Wil you have to he out late nights with the
delegation, recouciling'r inquired Mrs Spoop-
endyke.
Il tell you, they are all reconciied. They rec
onciled on me. Do you know what a reconcilia-
ton is Z Got notion that it's a side door to a
liquor salooni Imagine that delegation is going
around town with its hats one side, singing,
The key is empty, beer all gone, at four in the
morningf Well, they amt. As said in my
speech accepting the nomination, this is the
era of peace and respectahiity, and you don't
want to go around upsetting it, or You'll hear
from me-
Certainly replied Mrs. Spoopendyke, M
dressing the baby. ''When you are elected, I'm
coming down to your Office, to bring my work
much to do.r
''Yes, you wilt, bawlcd Mr.. Spoopendyke.
you'd he great help, All You want is a seedy
,vercoat and a clerk, to be the whole municipal
government! You can help! When l get time,
I'll fit You up with broken bench and a gas
bill, and start political headquarters with
goal Let me catch you around the city hall,
nending socks and showing go cart, while I'm |
IN office, and I'll fit you out with q red mus |
tache and an interest in an all night gin mill, |
and start you around as police force~
And with these improvements on his mind, |
he reconciliation candidate popped out Of his
clothes, and topped into bed
81 dome care" soiloquized Mrs. Spoopendyke, |
Is she drew ON the baby's night dress; ''as long
Is he don't go around nights with his dclega- |
ion, he can be Mayor as mach as he likes; and |
perhaps it's good thing, after all, for then he |
an widen the street, and have an engine in /
irout of the house every night, to put out fires |
md burglars
With which reflection, Mrs Spoopendyke fled |
he baby away in the crib, and went to sleep. |
lreaming that Mr.. Spoopendyke had been elect
d fire bell, and had resigned his Office to know
what she ''wanted the dod gasted sheet half
mast for, unless 1t was to freeze his msasly feetF
-Br0okiyR Eagle.
IN most quarrels there is a fault on both sides.
l quarrel may be compared to a spark, which /
an not be produced without flint, as well as
teel.
THE Chinese written Language cousists Of