Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1881-01-28
VARIETIES.

The man who s'let thief steal away
his brains" was mad as hornet when
the thief came out and said he could
not find any. ~ @asse
The evil that men do lives after
them. Cows likewise do not give oleo-
margarine until they are dead.
The young lady who is snamored OF
William, the policeman's son, is said
to have been struck BY the poliaeman's
billy. - "
Every wife is a sweetheart until the
period when her husband goes to bed
with his boots on, and every husband
is lover until the FIRST baby beglnsto
cut its teeth, =. 'hss
At Paris recently NJ. de Lesseps was
asked about his newly born heir. He
remarked that it was very precoloqs
in FAINT, as it already dy very dl.tinctly
said, ''Pa-na-ma!" -, ..--....
A Dedham minister asked oneof his
parishioners if she was ga mother in
Israel :" to which she responded: 80,
land sakes, no l have never been mar.
ried." ~ -.
A Norristown youth who was try
ing to master bicycle, when asked
his age, said he had seen fifteen sum-
mers and about one hundred and ff-
teen falls sa. Isl
There is said to be a great similarity
between vain young lady and con-
frmed drunkard, in that neither OF
them can get enough fsthe glass.
A little girl, aged FIVE, going to bed
one night, and kneeling down to say
her prayers, said: 80, mania, may |
only say amen to-night?-i'm so very
tired" 8' "'''1 ~ 's ''''''
An Ohio girl sued a man for breach
of promise, and proved him sueh
scoundrel that the jury decided that
she ought to pay him something Tor
not marrying her. -, ,s -. -
go Father-"Charlie. / see no improve
ment in your marks" Charlie---T""Yes, ~"
papa; it is nigh time. you had g ser
ious talk With the teacher, IoI; else he
will keep me on that WAY, foreysr:" K
Eugene, Eugene, will you still in
sist on wearing the hair Of another
woman upon your head !? ,,@aAlphonse,
Alphonse, do you still insist upon
wearing the skin Of another caHsupon
your feet:" ,. =, IS.
A. we we're talking one day about
churches, and their various ceremop-
les a little boy rema. ked. that he had
I. seen . christening 2 fuperal;. and "a
wedding, but he had never seen di-
vorce. !, - l.s. at,.1 ,..,,is-i ,-t.l,7<
"These timber thieves must be
checked in thein outragesY sxelainisd
. member of Congress: Yes, "smnr-
INJURED number Of the lobby, ''or. who
knows how ,soon1 they may ,pounce
down here and carry off = lot OF wood
enheaded Congressmen." ~: ,.~t,-.
, On homeward bound Charleston
car a Jolly looking Irishman was
saluted with the remark: ,!"Tim, yer
house has blown away" "Deed,. thin,
.. it isn't he answered ."for'l have the
) key in my pocket" 'f 2'''
Little johnny: .Pa, did you read
in the paper how a parent was fined
$25 because his little boy hung on a
et-car?" Parent: "W hat OF 1T r
! FJohnny: "Nothing, except | thought
YOU wanted to give me some car tickets.
' There is money init" saa.a = s-r
6 A few years since, At the celebra-
! ton of eur national anniversary, a
poor peddier who was present, being
0 called upon for a toast. offered the
following: ssHere is health to poverty
v is sticks to man when all his friends
t iforsake him." r. .sasfsi .53ar.
IS "What train is this?" asked the
benevolent Mrs. Girdelee OF the gate
d keeper. as she was returning from shel
first visit to the city. ''The mail
s Train, madam" Well, when'll the fe
Is mail train start? | amt goln to ride
s on any of your male trains.,
E, By nearly unanimous vote, the
,r women of this country have decided
sr that the best bands are a husband
rt and.a band-box. saaats ss..c ,.s