Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-06-23
Ann1uruns 2epartment.
AN AMATEUR PHRENOLOGIST.

Our neignbor, Col. s., tells capital
story of certain wag in Erie, Penn, Il jolly
publican, who contributes good desl to the
life of that pleasant but sometimes obstinate
borough. One morning travelling phrenol-
ogist arrived at his inn and took lodgings.
The next day in the village paper appeared
an advertisement stating that Prof. B.
had arrived in Erie, and would make "for a
consideration" examination of the heads of
the citizens, and accompany the same with
accurate, reliable charts Of character. For
three or four days the calls we're sparse, bpt
on the fifth there was a rush of five or elk to
the apartments of the Professor.
One morning a countryman entered the
inn where the phrenologist had his rooms,
and said to our aforesaid wag:
"Is this the place where the phrenologist
"holds out" that he can tell mans karac-
ter by the bumps on his skull ?"
eyes," answered Boniface, with reserv'
ed and digni6ed manner.
oval, I want my potato trap looked into q
little while. Where is the man ?"
II am the man." said the landlord.
"Oh! you be, eh? Wal, put in, feel O
my Jumps and gin US map. What's the
swindle ?"
"There is no swindle, sir; phrenology is a
science-a liberal science"
"Ah, yes, 'spect so but what's the price
for feeling fellows head ?"
"One dollar, with chart"
oval, 60 it; how do do! Lie down or
sit up? Does it hurt?"
"Not in the least, sir. Take your seat in
this chair"
There were four or FIVE morning loungers
in the tavern who checked laugh as the
countryman took his seat, having first, as
requested removed his coat, vest and neck
cloth. The wag of landlord ran his hands
through the hair Of the patient for moment
and then said to the bar tender
"Mr. Flpkins, take sheet of paper and
draw four lines down its whole length, and
put down my figures under the heads as tell
you"
"Have you got it?'
"Yes, all right"
"Very WE'LL" and the landlord went on
with his exploration, which was rougher per-
haps than there was any actual necessity for:
"Putdow neutrality-suspicious., sixty"
"Down, sir"
Very we'll reverence, two"
Booked, sir"
"Combativeness, two hundred"
whats that ?" said the victim.
"No matter, sir; you'll see it on the chart
Caution, one credulity, four hundred"
whats that last lump?" asked the pa
tient.
Never mind it now you'll understand it
by and by. And now Mr.. Flipkins, you've
put these in separate columns as usual?'
eyes sir"
"Very well, add 'em up!"
add 'em upr' exclaimed the phrenologi-
cal subject; sis that the way you dc? ??
"Of c.o-u-rs.e! how else could We get
your balance of mind-of intellect"
"Wall, 60 ahead"
"How does it add up, Mr.. FlipkinsF' r.
THE three columns are equal; they foot
ed up precisely the same!"
The landlord looked solemnly and sympa.
thizingly towards his subject.
"It is very strange" says he ; but it is so.
Phrenology never lies You have no predom.
inant character, sir You have no intellectu-
al status you don't know any thing. sir
Excuse me, sir, but must state truth, wheth'
CT yOu lahc Guc CualG VI uot UutS OIL ~ ehSAS
is any truth in phrenology, you're fool
Under the circumstances, sir, can scarcely
expect you to keep the chart which YOU have
contracted for. This is a matter of little
consequence, as it will be valuable illustra'
tion of an antique species, which can use
in my lectures with real names and residence
The charge of deception in science is one that
has never been brought against me- sir, never y
"Oh! never mind; give US the map" said
the subject; "here's the swindle, for it is a
swindle. I'd rather pay for it than have
you going round the country making fool Of
me everywhere else as you have here-you
blasted philanthroprogrogenitive humbug?'
With this explosion, the subject retired.