The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1881-06-29
WESTERN OBITUARY.
She heard the angels calliug her
From that ee lestlal shore
She Topped her wings and ava,


Next year they are going to have steamers
that will cross the Atlantic in six days. This
is three days for sea-sickness, two for recoy-
cry, and the other in watching for the land.
Morse who invented the telegraph. and
Bell, the inventor Of the telephone, both had
deaf mute wives. Little comment is neces-
sary, but just see what man can accomplish
when everything is quiet.
Correspondents are notified that the SEN
tence This sad event has cast gloom over
the entire community is kept standing in
this Office, SO that it will be unnecessary to
include It in reports concerning the demise Of
agriculturalists who fall from mowers or
careessy feed themselves into threshing ma
chimes. Chicago Tribune.
The Princess Amelia Caroline Gesparine
Leopoldine Henrietta Louise Elizabeth Fran
coise Maximienne, of Furstenberg, is the
lady to whom James Gordon Bennett is re-
ported to be engaged. When jim gets her
visiting cards printed in the job-room he win
have to read the proof imself.-Louisoiiie
Courier, Journal.
You must admit, Jim Webster, that you
stole those pullets,o said the Galveston Judge
to the cnlprit. :" Iadge.o responded Jim. q I
don't really believe stole dem chickens. 10
de fust place, Jedge, nobody saw me take EN-,
In de next place dey could not be found on
my premises, because ! had done bid dem
chickens under de floor. can't hoip beIiev-
I'M Jedge, dat is as innocent as a lamb
GaEDeston Nesos.
Abraham Lincoln was once engaged to be
married to a spunky Illinois girl named Mary
ownes. They one day took walk in com
pany with married woman, who carried
child some months old. At the end of the
walk Mary was sulky, and told her beau she
did not think much of u man who was mean
enough not to volunteer to carry the baby
He pleaded thoughtlessness, but she would
not accept the plea, and they parted not to
meet again.
House.cleanlng item: A Cambridge man,
going down Harvard square yesterday, met a
negro with carpet on his shoulder. He
thought carpet beaten who would make a
carpet look like new was the man he wanted
to tackle his carpet. So be opened negotia-
tions by asking "Hello, Sam been beating
the dust out of that carpet9" I" No, massa--
XII, hi,' chucked the man and brother -
"no, boss; been beatin' dealer out of it,"
The coy citizen is looking for carpet-beater
of another sort-- Cambridge (Mass.) Tribune.
Politeness Gilhooly tied his pony to a
fence railing en- Austin avenue. The owner
of tho promises came UP to him and said !.
You freckle-faced fraud, II you don't unite
that horse I'll fan the air with your ungainly
carcass ssYou must excuse me, sir" said
Gilhooly. "but am a stranger and did not
know there would be any objection" " You
Anticipated outcast don'tyou suppose know
you are stranger? That's why l talk po-
litely to you, you goggleeyed outcast; that's
why don't talk rough on you" Texas
SitJings.
Amiable husband (who has just finished
moyiug)-" Where's my slippers, dear /"
Wife" They came along with the third
load and that load went to the garrett" Hus-
band" And where Is my piper" Wife
you III find 1t in ono of the barrels Of crockery
in the cellar" Husband" And where is
my comb and hairbrush ?" Wife" Jane
| packed them In the kitchen stove with the
chiIdren's shoes" Husband mentally So
liloduizing)--" What woman my wife is
She never went to college and yet she knows
everything