The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-05-25
FLOATING FANOIEs.

FLOATING TANOIES.
A grass widow is anything but green.
Does girl cudgel her brains every time
she bangs her hair
Adam ought TO have said Hardly Eva,
when he was tempted to bite the apple.
Heavenly JOY is the name of a Nevada
town. The first settler found flask Of Whis-
key there and got full
The cycle Of ]ife-Baby, girl, woman,
wife, baby.-Er. Sometimes its baby, girl,
woman, old maid, poodledog.
A dog by his barking awoke and thus saved
the human inmate Of burning dwelling il
Newburyport, Mass, one night recently, but
the dog was suffocated in the flames
"Now, Sammy, have you read the story Of
Joseph2 p con, yes, uncle'' s.Well, then,
what wrong did they do when they sold their
brolher?' SThey sold him too cheap"
In this aesthetic age druggists should be
careful to keep cord of various colors with
which to tie up their wares; think what q
shock it is to the taste of lady wearing vel
low gloves, to be compelled to carry parcel
tied with a blue string!.
They were standing in the orchard at the
| foot of the ladder that conducted to rustic
seat in the crotch Of the tree: stMary, you
90 first said one of the fair Chicagoans.
| sNo," returned, Mary frankly; II couldn't
| think of it. You and George go first, haVn't
got on my striped stockings"
City belle (meeting country aunt: 'Oh,
I'm SO glad to see you Come and see US
next week, do, for I'm going to have ger
man On Thursday" Aunt with severity:
"Not /, child don't want to see any one
of the family that's going to make fool OF
herself by marrying foreigner.
ssMa.n said E. dear -ct,ild -neently- On being
shown a cast of the Venus of Milo, what
did they cut off that lady's arms for r BE
cause, my DEAR" said the mother solennly-
ssbecause she used to put her fingers in her
nose!" The dear child, awe-stricken, at
once took a VOW never to do 50 again.
An opulent pelican of the wilderness, be-
ing tempted to feed her calloW brood With
blood from her gentle breast, reflected upon
/ possible consequences OF rearing famliy;
| then, yielding to the impulses Of her better
nature, committed an extensive infantlclde,
and was acquitted, without leaving the nest,
by jury of parents.
The teacher had grown eloquent il pic
turing to bis little pupils the beauties OF
heaven, and he finally asked: What kind
Of little boys go to heaven ?" A lively four
wear old boy, with kicking boots, fourished ID
his fist. ''Wel, you may answer sal he
teacher. ssDaad ones - the ltste fellow
shouted, at the extent Of his lungs
Mrs. MackaY, when making arrangements
i for her magnificent ball in Paris, was very
anxious to have calcium light upon the
Arc de I'riomphe which should throw its
raye upon her house, The municipal author.
tiles, however, retuset! their PERMISSION, anc
Mrs. lIackay, nettled al such treatment, i
said to have exclaimed go and ask then
how much they want Tor their old arch, arc
| | will buy it =;
/ Two CINCINNATI ladies, who had lately re-
\ turned frem a trip abroad, were exchanging
opinions in reference to the famous pictures
thev had seen. ssGiye me the reconnaissance
J. school of art exclaimed one, $50 full 9
. sympathy, OF poetry; Sc different from tn
pre- -Rachelite. 'It.s very true what yo'
saw observed the other; ''but as for me,
lust dote on the DustledcFp scnooI, the PAIN
is so much fresher.
A Young man, pale ard yisably agitsted
hurriedly entered Court street drug stor
, late one night and, accosting the clerk, said
ssGiye me an ounce Of chlorate Of potash
, will YOU, as quick as you can" Observing
! his perturbation, the clerk Ventured to ask
: What's your hurry" ?ss ssW w by I have been kiss
ing our Sunday-school teacher since Q o'cloc
and she didn't tell me till ten minutes ag
that she was afraid she had the diphtheria. Z
Victoria herself wrote for the London pa
: pers a paragraph announcing her approval 0
the arrangements for Beaconsfelds funera
: When al English editor gets an item fror
9 Vic. saws the Chicago Tribune, he doesn
/ give II TO his boy to use as a kite-bob. Nc
mnch he double leads the old thing, mark
# s,must,' and that item is right where it h
;, LONGS the next morning, no matter if Ii
L base ball and horse racing. reports are croWt
g "a ont to make room for il. IS
) A clergyman stood by the bedside Of
q dying broker and said to him: Ny frient
q there are only two roads for you TO choos
= One is narrow, contracted, thorny; b1
; leads to above The other i O wide, broat
: pleasant, foWery but leads To death
! ! ssDon't talk to me about y choice between
= = your broad guage and narrow eaage roads,
: : answered the broker. why. they II be col
: , soIidated in less than week, and then you
!. all right if you hold stock in either. s
Q .sHow do you like the Episeapa.ian g
g vice = asked Jones. 1NeTer heard i, !" r
= : piled Fogg: 'I dropped ID at one Of 7
/, churches last Sunday, II Was quite early, ]
&. began reading the service. I didn't res
lal far though before found that it would neV
do for me. So 4 came out. Why, VI