St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-04-22
SQuibs.
The Springfield Union says the man
who bought the Gutenberg Bible for
SSOOO went home humming:


who bought the Gutenberg Bible for
S6OOO went home humming:
Holy Bible book divine
Precious treasure, thou art mine"
A bill before the Connecticut Lepisla-
ture providing for "ascertaining wheth-
er life is extinct in a deceased person"
might with equal propriety be termed
bull.-[The Hour.
1t is a noteworthy fact that women
make the best operators of telephone
exchanges. There is so much talking
to be done that they feel comparatively
happy, and then they occasionally hear
something not Intended for their ears,
which is blissful.- Derrick.
Nothing short of libel suit against
Harpers' Magazine will satisfy good Bos-
tonians when they read in the May is
sue: "And here is Boston Sunday
school boy who, when asked to stand
up and say his verse; did it thus. 'Be
not overcome of evil, but come IL OUer
era with goOd.'"
What is one mans meat is another
mans trichinOsis. Barnum, the show
man, attributes his success to printers
ink; while Barnum, the democratic
chairman, charges his defeat to the same
cause NOrristOwn Herald.
A Philadelphia society is wrestling
with the question: "When a man has
his life insured for 100000, is his wife
justified in refusing to prepare IA mus
tard plaster for him, when he is seized
with sudden and severe attack of the
crampsP'
A Kansas judge is reported to have
decided that ticket to ''admit onen is
good for husband and wife. The Judge
undoubtedly has wife, and the circus
season is at hand.
Professor Ito student who writes, not
forth masses, but for the educated few:
"1ou should write so that the most ig-
norant of your audience can understand
all You can say" Student (puzzled):
"What part of MY production is not
clear to you, sir ?"- Berkleyan.
Fashionable belle wants to know
what shade will be the most preferred
this coming summer. Well the shade
OF elm tree in the country, but at the
seaside the shade of a big UMBRELLA
! Boston Post.
''DO you drink ?" said a temperance
refOrmer to beggar who had implored
aims of him. eyes, thank you" return
ed the candid pauper. "Where shall
we go?'
The physiological representations of
spring as young lady, dressed like an
opera bouffee singer, bringing flowers
she has received over the foot lights of
Time, are things of the past. Spring is
a young man with an ulster and rheu-
matism.-[ Pieayune.
A penitent old lady said 81 have
been great sinner more than eighty
years and didn't know it.n Laws" ex-
claimed the old colOred servant, ~
knowed it all de time ~
The fashionable spring bonnet for
1881 is to be prOfusely decorated with
flowers, and provided in the rear with
a fire escape, so that the weareI's
friends can climb to the top and see the
trimmings.
According to the Boston Globe Ven
nor applies a red-hot poker to the nose
of his cat and then predicts that "the
spring will he backward" When little
Vennor puts tack on his chair it will
be early.
A very proper Boston girl, who reads
the Bible to the family Sunday nights,
read of civilian Dad, the Shuttle" re-
ferring to him as "Bildad' being con
sidersd too dreadfully familiar Chi
cago Tribune.
''Do you follow a sendentary occupa-
ton p asked the judge, jocosely, of Il
vagrant. "Well, | should relax my
features ~ was the response. "All the
money | have had 10 ten years got
from sitting on juries."
"There are seventeen and half men
to every female in the Territory of Da-
kota." "Well," said Miss Jones, spin
ster, when she read the above item, "if
girls knew what | know, they'd take
that half man rather than none at all"
A young lady recently married read
Mother Shipton's prophecy for the first
time the other day. "Just my luck ~
she exclaimed, throwing down the pa
per. Here / am newly married, and
now here's the world coming to an
end"
Fresh young man to lady he has just
escorted 10 the dining room at litera-
ry gathering-"Are you partial to
Lambs Tales p" Indignant young la
dy, after exhibiting much uncalled-for
surprise-"No, nor mutton heads, Ell
ther - YOnkers Statesman.