Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1881-08-17
HumOrsOme Waits.

II is mistake to assume that rose by
any other name would smell as wheat.
How time changes, exclaims an exchange:
In the good Old Testament days it was con-
sidered miracle for an ass to speak, and
now nothing short of miracle will keep
one quiet.
CHAD drank" is not good English gram
mar says high authority. 1t certainly is
not. "Was drunk is better grammar and
more in accordance with the facts, nine
| times out OF ten.
On receiving prize in foot-race, the
successful competitor said, "Gentlemen, |
have won this cup by the use of my legs |
trust may never lose the use Of my legs by
the use of the cup"
| "WHAT is the reason Colonel McSpll-
kins does not live with his wife any more ?"
asked Gilhooly of an Austin lawyer. "There
are sundry and divorce reasons" responded
the lawyer solemnly.
A MINISTER had preached an hour; then
he remarked, "Another wide field opens
from the sub ect in another direction" Just
then an old colored saint calculated, "Please,
Lord, shut up de bars"
"You are now one" said the minister to
the happy pair he had just tied together
| WIFI d kUOt tudb tnty COulu u6NoT
Which one ?" asked the bride. "You
will have to settle that for yourselves" said
the clergyman.
PROBABLY the meanest man on record
keeps boarding house in San Domingo.
Last winter an earthquake turned the edfce
clear upside down, and the very next morn
ing he began charging the garret-lodgers
first-hoor prices.
Mro tn bar
tor, do you think little temper is wrong
in WON an p Certainly not" replied the
gallant clergyman. "On the contrary, it is
good thing; and she should be careful
never to lose H."
CARLYLE, being once asked the difference
|, between natural fool and an educated
fool, replied, "Just about the difference be-
tween you and me- | suspect" The ques-
toner was never able to determine which
kind of fool he was.
PROFESSOR Ito student who writes, not
: for the masses but the educated few)-
: "You should write so that the most ignorant
of your audience can understand all you
say" Student (puzzled) =" What part of
my production is not clear to you, sir 7"
A YOUNG wife demonstrated with her
1 husband, dissipated spendthrift, on his
conduct. "Ny love-" said he, 81 am only
r the prodigal son. shall return by-and-by.'
"And shall be like the prodigal son, too,
3 she replied g. for | will arise and 90 10 my
9 father !" and off she went.
; Mrs. PLAINDAME, after looking long ant
thoughtfully at a plaster cast of Shakes
peare, remarked, Poor man How pale h,
was He couldn't have been we'll when i
. was taken" "No," replied Fogg she wa
IT dead" "Ah, that accounts for it," sale
!, Mrs. Plaindame drawing a sympatheti,
breath.
u CoMPLACENT IGNoRANcE,-Scene, Mu
u scum, Paris. Cad doing a Cooks excur
y q sion, contemplating the "Venus" of Milo
- -Awfully knocked about, amt it 7 Bot
:, arms off | Well, will say this for our ne,
- museum, we shouldn't allow that. We d.
~ 20 make 'em give up their sticks and umbrella
q at the door
10 REMEMBER, said public speaker, tai
ing little boy TO the dome of the stat
n house, hoping TO please him with the super
10 prospect of earth and sea and sky and c
half-a-dozen cities. But far below him /
Cd the street his eye was taken by a sight tht
er eclipsed all the rest and he shouted in chill,
,ie ish delight, "Oh, see that pig |"
ad A GREAT many curious and funny stori,
ell, are told OF good Mather Byes, who coul
an not repress his comicalities, and who WI
to jocose in spite of his puritanism. One col
nd winter day, he was mailing list on his doc
on parishioner said: "Doctor, don't yo
yer know that the wind bloweth where
nd listeth Z" " Yes" was the quick reply; "ar
pi- ] know also that every man Of commo
sense listeth wheresoever the wind bloweth