Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-03-04
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s.DoN'T, ut is sad to
think in how few breasts is implanted a
love of nature and its most remarkable
works. Little Johnny Cudlip caught a
large and remarkably beautiful specimen
of the beetle tribe the other day, and being
unwilling to part from his capture for a
single moment, struggled it along to
church in the pocket of his roundabout
AS there was no one in the pew immedi-
ately in front when the services began,
Johnny leaned over and deposited the bug
on it's cushion as favorable for air and ex-
ercises. Johnny was one of those pious
small boys who can always be trusted not
to idget and make noise in church, from
the reason that they sleep peacefully
through the entire service. Just after
Johnny had begun dreaming of red and
green beetles six feet long, a young man
and his s.steady companion" were shown
to the pew in front, and the young lady
sat right down near the insect aforesaid.
The minister had hardly gotten to third
ly before the young lady, who was very
thinly attired, it being terribly hot wealth
er, began to blush and glance nervously
at her escort. Then she whispered:
''Don7t, Bartholomew"
The young man thought she meant to
stop tanning, so he did SO, and laid the
fan down.
The young lady suddenly began to blush
redder than ever, and to wiggle around a
little.
''Somebodyll see you, Bartholomew.
swell, wot of it ?'' murmured the
young man in surprised tone. '"rhat's
wet am here for.
but it won't do,'' she whispered ten
derly behind her hymn-book; "ths amt
no picnic ground"
''Wot are you giving me ?" returned the
young man III the S. F. society style Of the
period.
"There now, you're at it again." said
the girl, trying to move up further into the
corner. If you tickle me that way again
I'll holler right out. l can't stand it,
"Can't stand what ?"
''Now don't, Barty. If we are going to
be married, it is no reason for you to ac'
this way. Oh gracious me, Mr.. Scherm
erhorn, l must request you to desist,"
why, great Amanda
''Ouch oh fjimminy - and the exaspe-
rated young female created sensation by
making a break for the door, Bartholomew
being Immediately fred out by the sexton
for disturbing the meeting.
And meanwhile Johnny, who had been
awakened by the occurrence, concluded
after mature consideration, to chain up
his beetle and keep discreet silence, and
sleep it out. He was far-seeing boy.
A WITTY JUDGE.-Readers of Snake
speare have always enjoyed the wit OF
''Portia,' in the Merchant of Venice,''
by which she saved s'Antonio' from the
knife OF ''Shylock.'' The pretended Judge
affirmed the right Of ''Shylock'' to his
pound Of flesh, but added. should a drop
of blood be shed in taking it, his life would
be forfeited. A California judge has
shown equal wit.
A hard character, well known as thief,
was indicted for entering miners tent,
and stealing bag of gold dust. The
theft was proved. He had been seen to
cut slit IN the tent and reach in and
take the bag. A bright thought occur
red to the counsel for the defence.
"How far did he get when he took the |
dust?''
About half way in. as he reached over" |
said the witness.
''May it please your honor,'' said the |
shrewd lawyer. II shall demand the ac- |
quittal of my client. The Indictment is
not sustained. He did not enter the tent. |
Can man enter house when one-half of |
his body is in, and the other half out?''
The jury and Judge were equal to the
emergency. The verdict of the jury was,
"Guilty as to one-half of his body, and
not guilty as to the other half.'' The SEN
tence Of the judge was, imprisonment
for the guilty part, for two years. The
prisoner may leave the other part behind,
or take it with him. The sharp lawyer
was outwitted.
Two Indians were standing in front of a
thermometer which hung on the street
while the crowd was watching the weather |
on it, and one of them said: s'Hot wealth
or, go up macaroni stem; cold weather.
come down macaroni stem.''
The Knickerbocker Ice Company's Pres
ident is reported as saying that it will be
impossible to reduce the price of ice this
year as the price of hay is SO high Hay
Say that again.
There is young lady in Brooklyn SO re-
fined in her language that she never uses
the word ssblack ,uard,7 but substitutes
4sAfriean sentinel
An old fellow, now under the control of
his fourth wife, always alludes to Che
three departed ones as his s'spare ribs"
What is the difference between fixed
star and meteor One is sun and tha