Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1881-05-03
LADY PHYSICIANS.
Why IL will Never DO 10 Call
Them for a Very Sick Man.
peck's SUM-

Peck's Sum-
A St. Louis doctor factory recently
turned out a dozen female doctors. As
long as the female doctors we're con-
fined to one or two in the whole coun-
try, and those we're only experimental
we held our peace, and did not com.
plain but now that the colleges are
engaged in producing female doctors
as a business, we must protest, and in
so doing will give a few reasons why
female doctors will not prove a paying
branch of industry.
In the first place, if they doctor any
body it must be women, and three
fourth of the women haC rather have
a male doctor. Suppose those colleges
turn out female doctors until there are
as many of them as there are Of male
doctors. what have they got to prac-
tice on? A man, if there was nothing
the matter with him, might call in a
female doctor, but if he was sick as a
horse (if a man is sick he is sick as a
horse), the last thing he would have
around would be a female doctor. And
why? Because when a man has a fe-
male fumbling around him he wants
to feel we'll. He don't want 10 feel
bilious or feverish, with his mouth
tasting like cheese, and his eyes blood
shot, when the female is looking him
over and taking account of stock.
Ofcourse, these female doctors are
all young aud good looking, and if one
of them came into a sick room where
a man was in bed, and he had chills,
and was as cold as a wedge, and she
should sit up close to the side of the
bed and take hold Of his hand, his
would u up to one hundred
and fifty, and she would prescribe for
a fever when he had chillblains. Oh,
you can't fool us on female doctors.
A man who has been sick and had male
doctors, knows just how much he
would like TO have a female doctor
come tripping in and throw her fur
lined cloak over a chair, take of her
hat and gloves and throw them on the
lounge, and come up to the bed with a
pair of marine blue eyes, with q twin
kle in the corner, and look in the
wild, changeable eyes, and ask him to
run out his tongue. Suppose he knew
his tongue was coated and looked like
"a yellow Turkish towel, do you sup
pose he would want to u out over
FIVE or six inches of the lower part of
it and let that female doctor put her
finger on it to see how fur it was? Not
much. He would put that tongue up
into his cheek, aud wouldn't let her
see it for twenty-five cents admission.
We haveall seen doctors put their
hands under the bedclothes and feel Of
a mans foot to see if it was cold. If a
female doctor should do that it would
give a man cramps in the legs. A
male doctor can put his hand on a
mans stomach and liver and lungs,
and ask him if he feels any pains
1here, but if a female doctor should
do the same thing it would make a
man sick, and he would want to get up
and kick himself for employing a fe-
male doctor. Oh. there is no use
talking, it would kill a man.
Now, suppose a man has heart dis
ease, and a female doctor should want
to listen to the beating of his heart
She would lay her left ear on his left
breast, so her eyes and rose bud mouth
would be looking right in his face, and
her wavy hair would be scattered all
around there, getting tangled in the
buttons OF his night shirt. Don't you
suppose his heart would get in about
twenty extra beats to the minute? You
bet And she would smile-we will
bet ten dollars she would smile-and
show her pearly teeth, and the ripe
lips would be working as though she
we're counting the beats, and would
think she was trying to whisper to
him, and -. Well, what would he
be doing all this time? II he was not
dead yet, which would be a wonder,
his left hand would brush the hair
away from her temple and kind of
stay there to keep the hair away, and
his right hand would get sort OF ner-
vous ind move around to the back Of
her head, and when she had counted
the beats a few minutes and was rails.
ing her head, he would draw the head
up to him and kiss her once for luck
if he was as bilious as aJersey swamp
angel, and have her charge it in the
bill. And then a reaction would set
in and he would be as weak as a cat,
and she would have to fan him and
rub his head until he got over being
nervous, and then make out his pre-.
scription after he got asleep. No; all
Of a mans symptoms change when a
female doctor is practicing on him
and she would kill him dead.