The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-01-08


talk went on as II nothing had hap
pened.
KEY. j. HYATT SMlTH. the Brooklyn
Congressman. elect, went to theater
to sec Edwin Booth in "Hamlet. I"
While going to his scat he saw one of
the str1ctest members of his church In
the same aisle and said to him, "Oh,
you sinner, prepare to be cnurched.
have long time suspected that some
or my members were theater-gOers anu
l determined to find OUT for myself.
brought my daughter along as wit
ness and the first one We SEQ Is your
self" The detected brother was never
"churched," though.
INTO one Of our largest dry-good
stores entered a gentleman, the other
day, and with the air Of one who had
been used to this sort of thing all his
life, you know, he said to the astonish-
ell salcswoman, "Glye me yard OF
maroon-oolorod flannel to match u
baby, please" Correcting himself
hastily, he began again: ~ beg par
don, mean II yard Of flannel to match
maroon colored baby-here [produc-
ing bit OF 1Innel from his vest
pocket), want yard of that"
"A PREACHER In Syracuse recently
told his congregation that if the wo-
zen would all dance by themselves In
ten-acre lot, surrounded by a high
board fence, and the men In another
enclosure of the same kind, there
would then be no harm In dancing.
Perhaps not; but men would burst
their snspenders In trying 10 climb the
fence surrounding the female dancers,
81 HAVE no patience with man who
can't remember thing no longer than
It's belng told him." exclaimed Jones
impatiently; "Now I oan carry a
thing In my mind a month, If need
be-" YOU'RE lucky dog, "Jones,"
remarked PrendergSst, quietly ; it ISN'T
everybody that has SO much room in
his mind as you have, you know"
"My case is just here" said citizen
to lawyer the other day; "the plain
till will swear that his him. I will
swear that did not. Now what can
you lawyers make out of that II we 20
to trlal?' "Five dollars apiece" was
tho prompt reply.
AN cd lady in u town of Massachu-
sets, refused the glf. Of load OF wood
from tree struck by lightning,
through fear that some of the "huid"
might remain in the wood, and cause
disaster to her kitchen stove.
A GOOD story Is told OF country wo-
man who received dispatch later
than she expected: at must have
been delayed on the read," said she.
II know the wires are busy to-day, for
| hoe orlf + ho, q, T
1T must be confessed thas the thor
momcters In various parts Of the coun-
try are making great success In their
friendly little match, the aim OF which
seems to be to find the lowest possible
level In the shortest possible time.
OUR citizens who are provided with
comfortable homes should remember
the poor these cold, biting days, and,
Instead Of sending their spare cash to
educate the heathen, bear in mind the
fact that charity begins at home.
CAKE you a good rider 2" asked the
livery man. 81 am" replied the Gus
toner r,and just then the horse snorted,
stood on It's hands, came down and
bucked and the customer went on from
his high seat in the hay NOV, "See
how easily get OFF,"
cit Is a difficult question:" says a
fashionable journal, ,'to make trained
skirt stand out and blow gracefully"
Lining it with sheet iron ought not
only remedy this defect. but make wo-
men perfectly willing to stand up in
crowded street car.
r, yt,rr 4
approached pig-pen, and said to its
occupant, "Why do you stay in that
place, when there's such lovely spot
as this handyr" "The pen Is mightier
than the sward,' pruEteu tho pig.
SPRAKING of Mr.. Forbes' lecture on
"Kings l Have Met" e western news
paper says that some day he will come
! across three kings and a pair ofsevens
and then he will learn something about
the really great resources OF this
| country.
IT was at Galveston hotel table
that child attracted considerable at
tention by saying repeatedly, II want
| acakc.' "G@u have five or six al
ready" replied the mother. "rhcm's g
not the ones l want. l want fresh
onc."
"WHAr Is the best thing to be done
| In case of flrc?" "Sue tho insurance
company" promptly answered the
boy at the foot OF the class, whose ia.
tncr had been burned out once or
| twice.
sim AFRAID that bod Is not long
enough for YOU" said the landlord to a
seven-foot guest. Never mind" he
replied, "pll add two more feet 10 it
when get in.'
THIS is the beginning of now novel {:
| "He was at one time a son so prodigal
that all the calves fed at his approach.
IT was a young hou sekeeper who set
the cake she had baked for a picnic out
Of doors one cold night to be frosted.
| s.saasn.sn.ssssszszsss sgas1zR
| CONsuMrIION OF the lung tissues
must steadily Increase by the retention
of the ioul corruption. DR.. Bulls
| Cough Syrup promotes gentle expeo-
| tOratfOn and plvea GREAT rplief IN thoaa