Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-03-18
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&C MOTHER ONE BUSTED. "-Three years
ago Detroit had about fifty amateur week
} lies in full blast. One by one they have
succumbed to the chlcken-poK, measles
whooping cough, and hard times, and the
number yet alive can now be counted on
the fingers of the left hand. The latest
failure occurred yesterday just after the
bells had struck thirteen CLOCK. An am
bilious, persevering boy of twelve had es-
tablished the s'Twilight" in little Sec
ond floor back-room beyond the parks on
Woodward avenue. In his issue of twen-
ty- three copies in the forenoon occurred
the following item:
NoT1ss tHhere is A Read-heded Woman in Thi
Stty who Licks her Childern with the stove handel
LET her beWair OF We Shall publish Her naim
The editor of the 'sTwilight'' was seat
ed in his sanctum at the hour named
when female entered. She hadn't come
to subscribe. She wasn't there to have Il
funeral notice published. She didn't look
like the president of female sewing So
ciety. No one could read her errand unit
she had locked the door. Then she kicked
the press over, upset the standing-galley
knocked the legs from under the editoria
table, and laid hands on the editor. Be
ing taken by surprise, he did not realzt
what was going On until he had been sha-
ken out of his boots and damned into the
wood-box head first, and ere he had re-
gained his editorial composure the assail-
ant had fed. Ruin and desolation brood
ed there. Havoc and disaster sailed
around the ROOM The red-headed woman
who ticks her children with the slovenian
die had played smash and left nothing tt
begin anew on. No insurance and n,
more s'Twilight IN. Quad.
An Iowa editor who attended a party
was smitten with the charms of fai,
damsel, who wore rose on her forehead.
and thus gushed about her:
Above her nose
There is rose:
Below that rose
There is nose.
Rose. nose,
Nose, rose,
Sweet rose,
Dear nose.
Below her chin
There is pin;
Above that pin
There is chin.
Pin, chin,
Chin, pin, ~ st4
Sweet pin,
Dear chin.
Whereupon rival editor thus apostr. :
phlses the Iowa chap:
Above the stool
There is . fool;
Below the fool
There is stool.
Stool fool,
Fool, Stool,
Old stool,
Damph0ol.
Below his seat
There are two feet;
Above these feet
There is seat
Seat, fest,
Feet, seat, 20
Soft seat, '@s ssss
Big feet. ~
Father said the elder heir, lis ii
proper to say ''we is rich," or I'VE an
rich?" The old man worked carefully
down into the hollow Of his boot under the
instep, remaining long time in thought
full meditation, and then slowly replied:
''Well, should say 1t would come higher
to the mark to say we haint rich.'
''Sal says you can't come to see her any
more,'' remarked Marathon boy to the
admirer of the youths sister. ''Why
not 20 Because you come seven nights
in the week now, and how could you come
more now without spreading the week
like blazes ?''
A Galveston widow is about to marry
her fifth husband. Her pastor rebuked her
for contemplating matrimony 80 soon
again. s'Well, LUST want you to under
stand, if the Lord keeps on taking them
will, too, was the spirited reply.
The moon furnishes an Illustration
which the advocates Of teetotalism should
not have so long overlooked. She always
commences with couple of small horns.
but invariably gets full before half a month
has passed.
The economical habits of George Wash
ington are held up and Haunted in the
face of our modern statesmen. How cou Id
man who kept ten thousand body ser
wants be economical? And not all dead
yet.
MY umbrella is getting decidedly shah
by,'' said a young man about town one
evening last week. 81 believe will have
to strike another prayer-meeting the first
rainy night
Good morning, Smith, said a man in
shoe store the other day; whats this
pair of boots sold for?" "What are they
sold for! why to keep the snow out and
the feet in.'' 49,
s'Don'J you Think said the husband,
in mild form of rebuke to his wife, s'that
women are possessed of the devil2' 'sYes''
was the answer. ''as soon as they are mar
ried.''