Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1881-01-27
HUMOROUS.

Is ABOUT 10 hlTlke one.
The beehive is the poorest thing in
the world TO fa.l back on.
No matter how old crowbar may be,
it remains as pry rs ever.
Atthis season the most popular letter
is tte fan L.-SyTdcilSc TiDleS.
The New Orleans Pio1yn,ae thinks
that man, ike razor, is made keen
by being frequcatly strapp ed.
"Do fish sing?" asks an exchange.
Certainly, and many Of them have been
known TO reach the high sea.
"Tiers Idle tiers" as the actor said
when be saw the row OF empty benches
before him Narration Igadepe'4dent
II isn't necessary to search the rocks
for the aDtedi!uvian man; he is here,
and can be found in the store that don't
advertise -Lootport Union.
What weeds are.bricicr in their lives
Than even JonAh's goari'
Tho weeds pui on by widowed wives;
That wa the answer heard.
-.Ncf YORK Mad.
A mans jaws would make q small
farm, AS each one contains sixteen
achers. Waterloo Oj5eruer.
The average man in an ulster should
adopt the hoop-skirt, in order TO give
his hells full play Ouego Blade.
The book descanting or the memories
Of Ole Bull is bound in calf with the
head and tail inside Bloomington Eve.
Pin her bus;Ic full Of sponges,
Sisters going ou, 70 skate;
She will need their yielssing soi,ness
When she tries the figure S.
# is a fortunate thing for Shakespeare
that he estab.isheia a solid reputation be-
fore the newspaper critics Of America
had a chance TO cut him up.
The ST. Louis Spiru chronicles the re
markable fact that an auctioneer re-
Gently put up a stove in that town. But,
didn't be finally knock 1t down?
The donkey keeps his tongue still and
his ears in motion. sequently, his
ears are never frozen. There is a moral
here, il you viii search for 1t.
OF course, stores that have nothing in
particular to sell have nothing in par.
ucular 10 advertise, and mus; neces
sarily preserve silence. -Elmtra Free
Press.
Tom, where can get good two
foot rulePr II can give you one on the
sp t, John" We'll, let's have it,"
Don't wear tight shoes! That rule
Spplies to both feet"
Two new Atlantic cables will soon
be laid from the American coast and
fastened TO France. Then, II the latter
county makes any trouble, we can pull
her over here by those cables and spank
her.-Oit Ctty Derrick.
Angry Debtor" Here is your money
boy. Now tell me why your master
wrote eighteen letters about that paltry
sum" Shopboy-" m sure I can't toll.
sir; If you'll excuse me. sir, I think it
was because seventeen letters did not
fetch it,
"What I want 10 get Is the animus Of
the transaction. !" said tie judge. But
your honor" said the complainant,
there wasn't any al all. lie came up
quiet like. and grabbed the coat, and
was off before | could sc what he was
at. No. SIR. there wasn't any muss."
hate the winter with its snow
Its the blame oi welded lie
I've drunk the very dregs Of Voc,
For Mary Ann is now my vile;
And be i, e'er 90 cold and drear.
Each morn. al 6 O'Clock or prior,
My darling whispers in my ear;
"Irs time, my love, TO light The hrei'
Twas In a San Francisco restaurant
the other night that - waiter was apol-
ogizing for the dilapidated state OF his
napkin. Don't mention Il. responded
the customer. sadly. Il don't mind the
holes in the least. That part Of your
napkin Is always sure 10 bc clean" And
for the next ten minutes nothing could
be heard but the butter combing lie
hair out In the pantry.
l. ord Dufferin Is said 10 have related
with great gusto, to friend. that when
he came home from India TO be married
he found no carriage awaiting him al
The little Irish railway station. and had
to hire n common iaunting car. Going
along he asked the driver II there was
any news. Nothing" said he, "ex-
cept that pretty Kate Hamilton Is to Be