Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-09-08
IN 4 NUTSHELL.

A man is more likely to forget his
first sweetheart than his first pipe.
Camping OUT will be popular this
summer with those who never tried
it.
Chicago has a fixed day in 1882
when all telegraph wires must go I'M
derground.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton is quite i'll
with malignant fever at her home at
Tenafy, n. J.
Skilled engineers are said to be want
ed on the railroads but there's killed
brakemen enough on all of them.
you are not fond of money for it.
self?" ''Oh, no" said Johnsonburg;
Il am fond of it for myself
A fisherman's occupation ought to
be the most profitable, because the en-
tire gross receipts are net profits.
The chair in which John Hancock
sat When he signed the declaration of
independence is in st. Paul's church at
Norfolk, Va.
We have just read a handkerchief f1irt-
alton code, and advise all men desiring
to avoid breach of promise suits to wipe
the mouths with their coat-tails.
Oh, let the women vote if they want
to. Any woman who supports a hus-
band and family of children is capable
of supporting the constitution.
Kentuckians seem to be losing their
skill marksmen. In a faction fight
in Menifee county, fifty shots were
fired without hitting anybody.
Hon. William L. Scott, of Erie, Pa,
IN 1916 was a page in congress. Gen
eral Charles NJ. Reed, member of con-
gress from Erie, took him home and
gave him employment at weighing
coal. Mr.. SCOTS fortune is now esti-
mated at 100000.
When you are told a story, my son,
never remark: That isn't the way I
heard it" etc. Don't you know that
stories are told to give pleasure to the
teller and not to the hearer?-Boston
Transcript.
A correspondent of Forest and Stream,
gives the following anti-musquito re-
clpe: Three ounces sweet oil, one
ounce carbolic acid Rub in every
half hour until the pores have thor
oughly absorbel it.
The reports of the failure of the
peach crop this year seem to be well
grounded for once. The latest esti-
mates show that Delaware, which usu-
ally produces some 4,000,000 baskets,
will yield this year not more than 120,-
600.
People have recovered from wounds
as severe as the presidents. But we
can augur nothing from that unless we
know how many doctors they endured
The wound and six doctors is dread
full tax for the strongest yitality-But-
talO Express.
eff you find a locomotive rushing al
you" says a Virginia philosopher
spring in the air and come down on
the cow-catcher." This plan is an ex-
cellent one, on Virginia railroads. But
if the man on the track is in a hurry
he will not waste time riding on a cow.
catcher.
A family at Milwaukee were delight
ed on hearing that an uncle, whom
they had last known ten years before
as a penniless dependent, had left a
fortune of balf a million at his death
i'll Nevada; but when they receivrd a
copy of his will they found nothing in
it for them, except a reminder that
they had turned him away hungry
from their door.
They were touching up their toilets
preparatory to the afternoon parade
"Cicely, my dear, do you think [ need
any more color in my face?" "That
depends; if you only want a delicate
blush, you have it just right But il
you want your complexion to match
your hair, put on little more vermil
lion" Do you suppose they walked
together that afternoon? Not any.
A little boy with base ball bat
(Sore is the joint of the left hand thumb,
stone he SHES at brindle cat
CBut the voice of the sobbing sea is dumb.
For thee my love, will my strong right arm
(HOarse Is the man with liver pad
! Plough up the stumps on a western farm,
(And solid I'll get with thy grizzled dad.
Oh, the red, red rose is red, you bet,
(Autumn is coming my sweet, my sweet
Maud S. will trot in two-seven yet
| Ormy name isn't r headed Granger Pete).
Chicago Tribune.
A tub race at Atlantic City the other
day drew crowd of five thousand
persons. The people didn't care so
much about the race, but the sight of
a washtub was quite a revelation to
most of them. Several of the young
ladies were quite enthusiastic in their
expressions of delight, one of them re-
marking that the washtubs rugged,
unassuming beauty was quite too over
powering for idle words.
A Pleasant Call-"Come here Hid
ebrand, my love-" said a fond New
Haven mother as her spindle-Iegged
youngster appeared just inside the
gate, "Hildebrand should say so.
How came you to tie such q homely
boy to such high-priced name ?" said
blunt-spoken caller. He may be
homely, but he's mine, thank you. 1
didn't have to marry a widower with
four great overgrown boys, as you did"
This treading on corns, metaphOrically,
doesn't pay.
IN Vermont there have been two
kinds of law suits, and only two, tor the
last fifty years-suits between towns,
relating to the care of paupers, and
suits against towns for damages result
ing from defective highways. Suits of
this last class have now been abolished
by act Of legislature, and people who
drive skittish horses in that state here
after will do so at their peril. A bro
ken plank in a bridge will not, in the