Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1881-06-17
FLOATING FUN.

| 10 4 ursr-, lass earl who keeps hts carriage.
| -GHbert aud Suliirah's Nec Opera.
"Yes, Agnes, I am going to have n
cream -colorel silk, provided pa doesn't
veto the appropriation bill ma has pass
cd"
Just now the women load their dresses
down with beads. Next year it may be
the fashion to wear from thirty to eighty
COW bells Nothing is too romantic for IL
woman to wear.-DCtroi Free Press.
It is never safe to take too much inter
est in the affairs Of your neighbers. Six
per cent. ought to be enough for any
one.
Henderson was at the theatre the other
night. at was burlesque, n take Oft,
wasn't it ?" asked Smith. Yes" said
Henderson, "that's what it was. l guess.
They had taken off about everything they
dared to"
"What is the meaning of the word tam
talizing ?" asked the teacher. please,
marin, spoke up little Johnny Holcomb,
..it means circus procession passing the
school house and the scholars are not al
lowed to look out.-Oicago Journal.
"Biddy," said a lady to her servant, 81
wish You would step over and see how old
Mrs Jones is this morning." In few
minutes Biddy returned with the infor
nation that Mrs. Jones was soventy-two
years, soven months and twenty eight
days old.
A lady, n regular shopper, who had
made an unfortunate clerk tumble over
all the stockings in the store, objected
that none Of them were long enough. Il
want" she said, "the longest hose thnt
are made" Then, madam" was the re-
ply, lyon had better apply at the next
engine house"
'On parade to day % asked Billkins of
Small-shot Il didn't know that you
ever was i'll the army?' ''Oh, yes; | was
all through the war" Indeed? In
what branch of the service Recruit
ing sergeant" 'And never got wounded
once ?"-Ncw Haren Register.
I'm what condition WAS the patriarch
Job at the end of his life ?" asked n Sun
day school teacher of quiet looking hoy
at the foot of the class. dead, calmly
replied the boy.
The female plaintive III western di-
vorce suit was asked, upon taking the
stand and prior to being sworn, if she
believed in future life II used to,
she answered, "but since was married
have had all the nonsense taken out OF
me. Brooklyn Eagle.
Useless timber-re pine. The scream
for girl-eye- scream We would like a
little aiI-lemon- Hemp is food for
cnnnres, but Jail birds don't seem to like
ii. What Kind uf arrows are carried in
the moonhcum's quiver? Lets go and
Il tn NJ
other on bomb. Chat.
1t is remarkable how many things will
explode-bottles of catsup, doughnuts,
soda water fountains, boilers, roast pota
toes, and now man. At least we read in n
novel that "Eugenie's father, upon hear
ing this, exploded with Indignation"
This should teach fathers never to fool
with Indignation.
Edwin Forrest was standing near the
door of theatre in which he was then
playing, carly in the evening, when
man approached the gatekeeper and said
"Do you admit the profession p Yes,
when We know them" was the reply
"who are you?" 1--we got the trained
hog here" said the man. walk right
in" interposed Forrest 1--WE got n
whole company Of 'em inside"
The sun was bright and the dew had sped
When SnoOks met Jimmy Drew;
And SHOCKS he said, ~ he wiped his head
''Is II hot enough for you?
an murder do right now I" thought Jim,
His big eyes flashing fire
Alas came quick second thought TO him,
And he said, 81 should perspreT =
French humor-A gummy, who has re-
proved some misfortunes at the baccarst,
enters in restaurant to forty cents A
boy who has served longtimes ut the
coffee English. recognizing it How,
mister" says he him of an air consterna-
ted, "you dine here ?" '.You serve here
we'll you y responds the gummy pricked.
"Yes, mister" replies the boy, with dig
nifty, but do not eat here -
Ground for Objectionable buy the
property, SORT ? Me be a landlord und be
shot i'll the back ! Shure, there's to be
no more landlords we're all goin' to be
tinnants I'-London Punch.
The inmates of n Canadian insane asy
lum were taken to circus. The only
melancholy result was that they wept be-
cause the clowns were at liberty while
they were kept confined Philadelphia
Gromictc Herald.
Charley, what is it that makes you 30
SWcet. buiu IL loving uiOtHei ohe uay W
her little boy. as she pressed him to her
bosom. 81 dess when God made me out
Of dust He put Il little thugar in.' said
Charley.
''Sam, you are not honest. Why do
you put nll the good peaches on the top
of the measure and the little ones below?'
''Same reason. sab, dat makes the front
Of your house marble and de back gate
chiefly slop bari, sah.'
Tommy went fishing the other day with
out permission Of his mother. Next
morning neighbor's son met him. and
asked, Did you catch anything yester-
day, Tommy" Not till got home,
was the rather sad response
Some philanthropist has said that
man who truly loves II horse cannot bo
wicked. He must be i'll the wrong, for
Texas jails arc full of men who loved
other peoples horses not wisely, but too
ralI N..., fl,.Ir1.Iy IB;.1uu,,a