Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-08-11
THE NEWSPAPER.
Hezekiah Jones, Editor of the Flap
doodle, Draws few Sketches from

Hezekiah Jones, Editor of the Flap
doodle, Draws few Sketches from
Nature.
Steubenville Herald.
The editor of the Evening Flap
doodle sat in his sanctum the other
morning, just before beginning his days
work, and thought he had brought his
paper about as near perfection as pos
sible for an ordinary. sized town close to
half dozen big cities, and he was
wondering how he might improve it,
when his cogitations were interrupted
by an acquaintance coming in.
"Hello, Mr.. Scissors" he facetiously
said, "writing up editorials with the
shears, ell ?"
The editor tried to smile ut the old
joke, and the visitor went on. 81 tell
you what it is, Jones, you have pretty
good paper, but what do you want in a
town like this with long editorials ?
Give us short ones. You can't mold
public sentiment. you must simply
echo it." Then he left, and Jones told
his associate not to write any long ed,
itorials that day, as he proposed, for
once, to make the FlapdOodle just to
suit every subscriber who wanted a
change. In half an hour along came u
wicked fellow who talked newspaper a
long while, and then said he didn't see
any use of Sunday reading, nor any
other religious matter in paper, and
if it was his he would bounce it all.
The editor said nothing but when the
man went away he told his Sunday ed
itor not to send any matter for that
day. Then Jones rested and thought
for a few minutes, and a pious old
party came in. AS he knew a good
deal about the business in its moral as
pect, he talked along, and at last said
no newspaper could be decent which
admitted to its columns any sensation
al matter, any advertisements than the
most high-toned, any slangy squibs, or
anything which could not be read
without blush by the most capricious-
ly fastidious. Jones was silent, but
later he went and ordered all that mat
ter set aside. So far, Jones thought he
was getting things to suit pretty well,
and then another man came in, and
like the others, knew all about the
business of editing paper. He was a
city politician, and said, "Mr. Jones,
you don't have enough politics. Why
don't you throw out these farm notes,
and kitchen receipts, and odds and ends
of old news, and telegraphic brevities
which we get in the other pa
pers and give us politics? That's
what the children cry for" Again
was Jones silent and later gave orders
for the expulsion Of all this objection
able matter and waited for the next
one. He came pretty soon, and he had
coffin for coat, and shroud for a
handkerchief, and he smelt like the
dust which blows off skeleton. Said
he, "JoneS, l like your paper. but what
do you run that funny business in it
for? It's silly. stale, and flatter than
last years ale with the bottle left open.
What does man want to laugh for
anyhow? This is vale of tears and
we should always. remember that in
the uncertainty of life death may cut
us off with an idle laugh upon our
lips" "That's So" groaned Jones, "I1l
cut every line Of fun right out" and
off he hurried, and out went all the
funny business. AS he went home at
noon he met lady who said she didn't
see what they wanted to fill a paper
full Of politics for, because nobody read
that. Don't they?" said Jones, "then
out she goes" and when he got back it
all went out. "I'm bound to please 'em
all" said the editor, "if 1 have to buy
a new Office" Right after dinner a
man of business proclivities came in
and said he didn't see any use of "these
silly little personals and short notices
that didn't amount to anything any
way" If it was his paper he would
have something of higher nature or
let the space go bear. Jones listened
and told the foreman to whack out all
that sort of stuff at once. Then he
felt easier till lot of pretty girls came
in, and, after making purchase, asked
him what newspaper was filled full
of advertisements for; nobody ever
read them, and one said she was going
to stop taking the paper il he was go
ing to fill it up that way. Jones told
the young lady he would have a paper
to suit every one, or rather, made after
the suggestions of every one, and he
hoped she would not find fault. Then
he went and ordered out every "ad. !"
and smack and smooth, and waited for
the next man. He came along pretty
soon, and said he could stand anything
but poetry, and that was his abomina-
ton in a newspaper, and it never ought
to cucumber the columns of local
journal, because it was meant for maga-
zines and that sort of papers. Jones took
it in, and went out an ordered all his fine
poetry knocked down. Then he wait
ed again, and a woman came in, and
said the fashion notes were no good,
because the magazines had them all in
greater quantity, and another thing
she didn't like, was the markets.
"What good was them % she said. 81
don't know" he replied, $50 I'll throw
'em out" 81 hope you WILL" she an
swered, and went away. In ten min
utes the markets and fashions were on
the standing galley. Jones began to
look around, and as he was studying,
a small boy said to him that marriage
and death notices was mighty thin
readin'," and Jones slung them clear
out inio the corner. After this change
he went over into the counting room
and an old man was there waiting to
pay his subscription. "1t's good pa.
per, Jones, but in this place you only
want to take notice of the local affairs
and let all the miscellaneous and pen.
eral business go" and-then Jones gave
the old fellow a receipt and rushed
back and took out all the miscellaneous
and general matter that was left. and
as he took out the last handful >
friend crme through the Office, and crit.
ically examining his surroundings. said,
"The Fhpdoodle is a good paper, Jones,
but l do think you have the ugliest
head ON 1t ever saw. Why don't you
nj ~