Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1881-08-03
lancaster fntelligenrer.
WEDNESDAY EVENING. AUG. 3. 1881
SpOOpendyke.

SpOOpendyke.
els there any truth in this story that
Mr.. Garfield has killed Senator Conkling!
inquired Mrs. Spoopendyke, hitting ner
sleeve into the armhole and running IN the
basting.
aNov' CALCULATED Mr.. spoopendyke,
"where'd you get that? MIR. Conkllng
has resigned, but he amt dead.
"I read that he had got into some dim,
culty with Mr.. Garfield, and Mr.. GARFIELD
had dragged him all around by the ear,
and finally they had to take MIR. Conkllng
away to save his life, though he died after
"Who said so?" demanded Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "Where'd you read anything like
that?" ,,,.
81 read it on a pattern that Mrs. Win
terbotham loaned me for an Overskirt.
Pm sure it's So" replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke.
"Get the pattern" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "Show it to me"'
Mrs. Spoopendyks unrolled the pattern
and commenced to read:
"The complicationsat Washington have
assumed the most exciting shape. To-day
the troubles between Garfield and COnk-
ling eliminated by Conkling seizing him
by tho throat and holding on while the
crowd yelled with delight. Twenty to.
one was offered but Garfield remains firm
and declares that the administration will
not Weld. This position aroused the Gro wd
to frenzy. 1t is said that COnkling really
desires to retire to private lite, but Gar
fold at that moment planted his teeth IN
his game adversary's ear and dragged him
around until the friends of ConklIng in
terfered to save the poor things life. lie
was taken home, but died in few min
utcs.'' There ~ said Mrs. Spoopenkykc
triumphantly, " l told you so.'
i"Show me ~ said Mr.. Spoopendyke
jumping up and seizing the pattern.
"Whcrc dye find such dod gastcd non
sense Is that Where is it %
"Therc it begins under tho rufile, then
il runs over on the bard and down on tho
gore and ends herc on the nleating. L
knew Id seen it, and Mrs.. SpcOpendyke
smiled pleasantly.
whats the matter with you, you
mcasly idiot 90 howlcd Nj. Spoopendyke:
"This is where you get your political
information, is ito This is Tie source OF
your intelligence on national affairs All
YOU want is three more patterns and bald
head to be I. constitutional lawyer! Three
overskirts and pair of spcctacles would
make you supreme court Judge: what
dye think this is?"
s'Isn't it right? ," faltcred Mrs. Spoo-
pcndyke. "Did you read from tho ruifie
over to the band and down to the GORE
Yes. l did, didn't l? " squeaked Mr.:
Spoopendyke. tand so did you didn't you !
Do you know what you've got hcrc?'
"Isn't it a pat" =,
bod CAST the pattern-l mean tht
print Part of it is about Garfield, par
about Conkling, and the rest is dog figh'
out Oh Long Island. Know what it is
now Think You can understand it, now
I've explained it to you? Oh! YOU eau
You've got brains Some day I'm going
to run Il pipe in your car and start phos
phorus factory ~ and Mr.. Spoopendyk'
danced cut Of the room, leaving it strewi
with pattern dust.
"I don't care" sobbcd Mrs. SpoOpell
dyke, .Tt read all right, and the skir
fitted so nicely that supposed the article
were put together straight. And it wa
so perfectly natural anybody might max
the same mistake. It's so like most
tho news from Washington that I've bee1
expecting it every day." and Mrs
Spoopendyke overcast the sleeve: wit
the serene conviction that after all you'v
got to patch newspaper into pattern I
get ut the actual fact sometimes.