National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1881-03-19
VACANCIES.

When some politicians are weighed
they are found wanting every Office in which there
! is vacancy.
Why is it easy to break into an Ole
mans house? Because his locks are few and his
| gate is broken.
You can be cremated for S45 in New
York and people there are just dying to be burnt
Boston Transcript.
The English papers have always been
short of the article that could write an article that
! is short.-BOston Transcript.
An astronomer saws: "This is the
best time of year for observing the planet Mer:
curry" Thank Heaven, this time of year is good
for something.-Boston Post.
New York consumers have COM
planned so bitterly of the high price of coal that the
dealers have kindly reduced the wages of coal
shovelerS.-P Philadelphia NelGS.
"A Boston young lady who went to
Washington with matrimonial intent and returned
single said ifshe had beena hit there she would
not have been miss here-BoStoR Post.
During the Mardi Gras celebration
the Galveston saloons did a rushing business. Gil
% nSy aT While To b. sP oys all
make hay, but we sold good deal of rye" replied
the MISREPRESENTATION Netrs.
Photographers may say some pretty
mean things about some Of their fellows and fel-
Not always unless mean thing is said about a
mean fellow: and then the truer it is the meaner
it may sound.-NoFTitotrR Herald
"A debating society has tackled the
question: SIS it worse to think you've reached the
top, when there is one stair more, than to think
there is one stair more when you've reached the
top, and bring your foot down so hard that it
tingtes for four hours ?'-BoSton Post.
Education doesn't always make the
pot boil. a man was sent to the poorhouse over
in Oakland the other day who spoke French and
German fuently. If he had also known Spanish
he would probably have starved to death long ago.
Next to the smallpox the most dangerous thing to
possess on this coast is brains-SdR FFGacSco Post
"A New Hampshire farmer recently
agreed to sell his farm for 81 GOG but when the day
came he told the expectant purchaser that his
wife was in mysteries about the trade, and ne
complained, and finally asked how much more
would induce him to sell. "Weil,' replied the
thrifty son of the Granite State, give me $3.50
more and we'll let her cry."-Boston Transcript
=" Is your programme full, Miss Beede-
orllsher?' asked young man of q Western damsel,
who had just struggled out of the refreshment
room with disappointment in her eye and an order
of dances in her hand. "Prpgranlms full p said
the daughter of the setting sun WAL, guess
not haven't had nothing but piece OF cake
and an ice cream, an that don't go far toward fill
ing my programme, can tell you."-BodOR COM
Blerci1t BuLtetLl.
An excited convert-"Let me out
let me out! I've got salvation" sobbed thin man,
in many-pocketed ulster up at the NJ. and S.
meeting the other night as he wedged toward the
door. " Let ME go nome anQ Dear tle DlesSeu llQ-
ings to my unbelieying wife" But all the same a
suspicious detective janmed him up against the
wall aud unloaded from his pocket three watches
and five pocket-books after which the services
went on.-Sri Francisco Post.
Deacon" said the widow as she
gently stroked in feline manner the Maltese
tabby that evidently lay in her lap for that pur-
pose don't you long for spring, with its bamy
BREATH its warm sunshine and its gentle showers
which awakens nature and puts life into every
thing that has laid cold and dead during the long
winter and brings everything up out of the cold,
cold ground into light and life?' well. hardly,
widow" responded the old deacon, you know
buried my second wife last TAU "-Roche5ter AsT0Q.