The National tribune., 1881-08-27
AN EDITOR PLAYS BASE BALL.

The delightful and tender game of base ball
having broken out with fresh violence this sea-
sen, the following sketch is in order
The doctor said we needed exercise. Doctor
knows He told us to join base ball we joined.
Bought book of instructions, and for five days
studied it wisely, if not too we'll Then we bought
a sugar-scOOp cap red belt, green shirt, yellow
trowsers, pumpkin-colored shoes, paper collar,
and purple necktie, and with lot of other dele
gates, moved gently to the ground,
There were two mines. These mines were antag-
Onists. The ball is pretty little drop of softness,
size OF goose egg, and five degrees harder than
rock. The two mines play against each other. 1t
is quiet game, much like chess. ONLY little
more chase than chess.
There was an umpire His position was hard
one He sits on box, and yells foul" His
duty is severe.
| took the bat 1t is Il murderous plaything.
descended from Pocahontas to the head of John
Smith The man in front of me was a pitcher
He was nice pitcher, but he sent the balls hot
The man behind me was a catcher He caught
it. too
Umpire said play" 1t is the most radical
play | know of this base ball. Saving cord wood
is moonlight rambles beside base ball SO the
pitcher sent a ball toward me. 1t looked pretty
coming, so l let it come. Then ne sent another
l hit it with the club, and hove it gently upward.
Then started to walk to the first base. The ball
hit the pitchers hands, and somebody said he
caught fly Alas, poor fly. | walked lesurely
toward the base. Another man took the bat /
turned to see how he was making it, and mule
kicked me on the cheek The man said it was
the ball. 1t felt like mule and reposed on the
grass. The ball went on
Pretty soon there were two more flies, and three
of us flew out Then the other nine came in and
us nine went out This was better. Just rs |
was standing on my dignity in the left field
hot ball, as they call it. came skyrocketng toward
me. My captain yelled " take it,"
hastened gently forward to where the ball was
aiming to descend. | have a good eye to measure
distances, and | saw at a glance where the little
erolite was to light put up my hands How
sweetly the ball descended! Everybody looked.
/ felt something warm in my eye "NIufini"
yelled ninety fellows Muffin be id! It's
cannon BALI" For three days l have had two
pounds of beef on that eye, and yet it pain
eth
Then I wanted to go home, but my gentle cap
TAIN Sdiu nay 50 NAY eI anu stayed. IreJty
soon it was my strike. "To bait" yelled the
umpire. / went but not all serene, as was my
wont. The pitcher sent in one hip hight struck
me in the gullet. FOUL" yelled the umpire
He sent in the ball again. This time | took it
square, and sent it down the right field through
parOr window, a kerosene lamp and rip up
against the head of an infant who was quietly
taking its-nap in his or its mothers arms. Then
slung the bat, and meandered forth to the first
base. | heard high words and looked. When |
slung the bat | had with it broken the Jaw of the
umpire, and was fined ten cents
The game went | liked it, 1t is so much
fun to from base base just in tfhe to be put
out or to chase ball three-fOurths of mile down
hill, while all the spectators YELL Muffin" go
it," "home run "go around again." or, 90
round dozen times" Base ball is a sweet lit
tie game. When it came my turn to bat again,
| noticed everybody moved back about ten rods
The new umpire retreated twelve rods. He was
timid. The pitcher sent 'em in hot Hot balls in
time of war are good but don't like 'em too hot
for fun. After while got a fair clip at it, and
you bet it went cutting the daises down the right
field. A fat man and dog sat in the shade of an
oak. enjoying the game. The ball broke one leo
OF the dog, and landed, like runaway engine. ia
the cOrporosity of the fat man He was taken
home to die.
Then | went on dOuble-quick to the field, and
tried to stop hot ball. 1t came toward me from
the bat at the rate of nine miles minute put
up my hands-the ball went sweetly singing on
its way, with all the skin from my palms with it.
More raw beet.
That was an eventful chap who first invented
base ball It's such fun. I've played five games
and this is the result
Twenty dollars paid out for things
One bunged eye-badly bunged.
One broken little finger.
One bump on the head.
Nineteen lame backs.
A sore jaw.
One thumb disocated
Three sprained ankles.
Five swelled legs.
One dislOcated shoulder from trying to throw
the ball thousand Yards
Two hands raw from trying to stop hot balls
lump the size of hornets nest on left hip,
well back.
A nose sweetly iammed, and five uniforms
spoiled from rolling in the dirt at the bases.
have played two weeks, and don't think
like the game. I've looked over the scorers book,
and find that I've broken several bats, made one