, 1881-07-31
WEATHER PROPHETS.

| WEATHER PROPHETS
| The railway, the steamboat, the telegr ap]1,
and the telcphone have, no doubt, contrib
uted immensely to the comfort and conyeIl-
| ience Of mankind. 4 Pullman "slecper,'
with one iron horse, is better than an old
fashioned "coach and SIX" and a second
class ''s1nokcr,' even If it be filled with emf
grants from Norway and Ireland, is more
| comfortable than blackboard loaded with
Professors from Yale College. The "post, y
| notwithstanding it goes by rail and takes
| Deputy-Po Postmaster a1ung, is slow compared
| with the telegraph; and the telegraph, with
| its double attachment Of messenger-boys, is
| cuuhrous as compared with the exQuislt
| luxury Of sitting in an easy chair and con-
ycrsing with a friend ut Newport, Saratoga,
| or NaIlant through Il wcll-regulated tele"
phone.
Bya "wel-reguated y telephone the tele-
phone of the futureis OF necessity intended, be-
cause there are no well-ri:gulatcd telephones
in use. The telephone that transmits the inno-
cent and comparatively unimportant remark,
! awe bad cold in my head" us It my rich
uncle is lead,' cannot be regarded as we'll
regulated instrument. The telephone tllat
makes ministers Of the Gospel swear like
pirates must be held responsible. But when
the rival patentces get through Quarreling
over their conflicting rights I've: may az
pect a telephone through which clergyMen
may converse without getting raving mad,
and lovers exchange VOWS of eternal fidelity
III soft whispers.
But the boon to the human race of the
railway, the telegraph, and the telephone ls'
we apprellend, 4 very small thing indeed
compared with the inestilnable blessing con-
ferred upon mankind by the weather proph-
Ct By the weather prophet we do not mean
the Chief of the Signal Service Bureau, who
may foretell how the wind will blow to-1no1~
rotc, anu whether the weather will be fair OF
foul. We mean the Vennors and the Couches,
who know :ll about the hot waves, the cold
waves, the snowfalls, and the raiufalls Of
next year. How comforting it is, for in
stance, to be assured that the Fourth Of July,
1SS3, will be cool and delightful, with the cx-
ccptiol Of an earthquake shock before break
fast. and terrific thunderstorm accompa-
nied by tornadoes between II and l. o'clock
in the forenoon. Timid people can get up
early and go down cellar to escape the earth-
quake, attend picnic or patriotic celebra-
ton after breakfast, and at IL O'Clock sharp
repair again to the grateful protection OF the
cellar, to avoid the Inconvenience of being
struck by lightning, or carried several miles
away from home on the wings Of the wind.
Besides, cautious people will be enabled to
protect their mansions, big and little, from
being pulled up. so to speak, by the roots
and scattered about on their neishbors' lots.
They can spike them down and defy the ele
ments, or move them to locality where the
weather prophet predicts there will be
great calm. AS for those careless, reckless
people who neglect to read the prophecies,
they deserve to be destroyed root and branch.
I'll a question whether the weather proptl-
cts ought not to bo seized and prosecuted to
the point Of compelling them to render up
their secret. There is danger that they will
make false prophecy with Z view to exerting
an undue aud dishonest influence upon the
course OF the markets. Suppose, for in-
stauce, that the weather prophets should
combine for the purpose Of specnlatins in
wheat. They know that i'll 1852 the weather
all over the Continent Of Europe is to be
remarkably fine, insuring an abundant crop.
But with malice aforetllousht, with an evil
purpose to deceive both bulls ~ and "bears,"
they predict floods, frosts, earthquakes, and
tornadoes, and consequent short crop and
famine prices. What is there to prevent
them from turning their lying prophecies to
account?
It is not to be denied that the science of
weather prediction is of incalculable value to
mankind: To be able on rising from bed in
the morning to decide upon sauze or thick
wool undershirts for the days dress, to de-
eide wien going out whether to take your
umbrella, whether to put on your oyercoat,
whether to slip into your overshoes aud
whether to take your family away to a tor
nado-proof building for the day or leave
them in assured safety from storms under
your own roof-tree-~these are immense adj
vantages over sharp turns in the weather.
But to allow the weather prophets to tamper
with the markets. is quite another thing.
The suggestion is certainly worthy Of serious
consideration that the weather prophets
should be collected together and confined jn
a flre-proof. tornado-proof, acknowledgment,
thunder-and-liglltning-p proof building, and
there compelled to serve the human race for
speculation oil their prophecies should be
removed from them in order tllat ITO tempta-
tim to prophesy falsely may possibly fall in
their way. If they object to this summary
proceeding. let them make public the secret
Of their diabolicaI craft.
The public is utterly without protection
against false weather prophecies, because
whenever false prophecy is exposed it is ut
once claimed to have been an error Of the
prophet. But willie these prophets are per
United to run 1T large there is no legal way
to punish then! for mistakes, no matter how
gross. Lock them up, and their punishment
will be practicable and no doubt very spoth-
ing to the feelings Of a cheated and DECEIVED
community. For predicting d HOT wave they
can be kept week on a diet of bread and
water; tnr tts lt second otfense the diet may be
confined to water. For falsely predicting q
tornado they eau be scourged: for second
offense they may be SUSPENDED u few hours
BY the index finger of The hand guilty Of
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