South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-09-02
w II A N % HU NOR


Isrmed an old bachelor appealed to
An elderly man to decide whether nc
should he called old or not, giving
HE age as twenty.six.' Said the ef.
der gentleman 1T IS owing to how
you take II. Now, for man il is
Young enough; but for goose it ia
rather DID,
A little Chicago boy of 4 years was
much astonished when he awoke one
morning to find a little sister in his
mothers arms. Where did it come
from?' he asked with his eyes wide
open. From God? was the reply.
Who brought it was the next very
natural inquiry. AN angel He
thought for moment and then ex-
claimed; oh mamma, why didn't
You catch the angel, too?'
st. Patrick's Day.-Milkman to
Bridget (who appeared in bower of
green ribbons in honor of the day.,
If you're not careful, Bridget, some
jackass will be taking bite of you,
yon're so green Bridget; Try it,
OAiihiiluu SuD5luC5.
tfou haven't got such a thing as a
pair OF old trowsers, have your No
my man. said the merchant, Il don't
keep my wardrobe in my counting,
house, Where do you live? rejoined
Pat, and I'll call in the morning for
the old pair you've got on
A witty old American Judge, who
had spent an evening with "a young
lawyer in the country whose office
was on the second story, on taking
his departure stumbled on the stairs
and fell to the bottom. The young
lawyer hearing the roise rushed out
and seeing the Judge lying on his
back Mt the bottom of the stairs, has
tened down and with great anxiety
asked, is your honor hurt 2 No,
said the Judge, scrambling to his feet,
but my legs are
why Uncle Pleasant Married.
Uncle Pleasant Batkins is so and his
wife ~. The other day friend said ::
Uncle Pleasant, why in the mischief
did you mary woman nearly old
enough to be your mother. You
see, boy he replied. with sigh, 81
was wurkin' for Long John Freemon,
IN Hanover, when | was jest Is, and
Sara Ann Russ, old Mrs. Russ only
daughter, WAS 80 if she wur day
AT every quiltin' she used to chuse me
tor a partner, and everybody said it
pcared like she wur courtin' mo.
She gimme four pair cotton socks and
heap Of things, but still didn't have
no notion of her. Well, one Christ,
mas eve, went to the old woman
and had hardly sot down before Sara
Ann brought me some sweet potato
pie, which she knowcd / was mon
strous fond of. While | was catin' il
l heard the old woman up stairs q
countin' silver dollars. Now, thar
was no plaster to the ceilin', and the
mp stairs floor had cracks in it as wide
as my finger. So, YOU see, l could
hear the jingle of the money Jest as
well rs if | had been up thar myself
When she had counted 906, L draw'dup
to Sara Ann and popped the question.
In course she said she'd have me, and
the next Thursday we was married.
Now, what do you think / found out
the next day Why, that the old wo-
man didn't have but thirty Mexican
dollars and that she counted them
over and over jest to fool me. Don't
marry for money, boy, specially for
silver dollars. Rich. Express.
A writer in the New York Sun
tells the following anecdote ofthc late
Professor Wyman 'One day col.
ored truck farmer was endeavorinc TO
dispose of load of watermelons TO n
grocer in the city of Burlington, and
while euloglzing the qualities of the
seed from which his melons were
grown, the Professor CHANGED along.
voice, You know YOU are
lying, came from the melon Inc was
holding between his hands. The af, |
frighted darkey dropped the melon on
he sidewalk and started to run amid |
\ peal of laughter from tho bystand.
ers, but bethinking himself Of his |
returned, and with remark, |
De debbil am in dat watermillion. |
'uah ! jumped into his wagon and
irove away without cffecting trade
A little boy who was to pass the af-
ernoon with the doctors little daugh.
er, was given two pieces of candy. !
When he returned his mother inuuir.
I'd if he gave the larger piece to the
little girl. No, mother, 1 didn't
You told me to give the biggest 4
'ece to the company and | was the
over there.
Mans a fool
When it's hot he wants il cool;
When it's cJld he wants il hot
Meier contented with his lot.
When it's dry