The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-29
WIT AND HUMOR.

TROUBLE that has been bruin for some
time is hard to bear.
To step on a mans corn is bad sign.
Look out for trouble. -BrOokLyn Union
Argus.
VERY precocious and forward children
are not the salt of the earth. They are
too fresh.
THE man who picked up a "well-filled
pocket-book" was Disguised to find it
full OF tracts on honesty.
A woMAN's work is never done, be-
cause when she has nothing else TO do
she has her hair to fix
THE Syracuse Herald don't under
stand how, necessarily, man may be a
halter who makes his influence felt.
SPEECH is silver and silence golden.
That is where 1T costs more to make a
man hold his tongue than it does to bet
him talk
OLD subscriber: ''What are you
growing about? If you want an article
that will cover the whole ground, get a
Chicago girls shoe. boston Post
SAYS Henry Ward Beecher "None
of us can take the riches and joys of this
life, beyond the grave" Don't want to,
sir. Well take ours this side of the
grave, if we can get EN-; the sooner the
better, sir.
AN exchange asks eff kissing is really
a sanctimonious method of greeting why
do not the pastors who practice it ever
bestow their labial attentions upon men?"
Because the men are always away, at
their business, when the pastor calls,
and there is nobody left to kiss only the
women.-Pcck's Sun.
ANGRY wife (time, 2 a. m.)-'Is that
you, Charles?' Jolly husband-"Z
me-" Angry wife-"Here have l been
standing at the head of the stairs these
two hours. Oh, Charles, how can you?"
jolly husband (bracing up)-"S tandin'
on your head on t'shtairs? Jenny, I'm
Surprised! How can 1! BY jove, L can't!
Two hours, too! 'Stronary woman!'
A NEWSPAPER article asks: "What are
the causes of decline among American
women?" Well, generally because she
thinks the fellow cannot keep her i'll
sealskin sacks, French gowns and fash
ionable bonnets. When a single man
with plenty of 'soap" is around there is
not any decline among American women
to speak of-BOStOn Commercial Buite-
tin.
"I've noticed" said Fuddidud, "that
the railroads run past all the fences that
are painted over with medical advertise
ments. It's funny" he added, but it's
so. Did any of you ever notice it?" All
present acknowledged that it had never
occurred to them before-just that way
Fuddidud Is more than ever convinced
of his profundity. Transcript.
In one of the hotels at Nice is a beau
full American, who lately went to an cat
home in full ess-low-necked, satin,
diamonds, etc. On arriving and looking
around the room she perceived the other
guests to be in demi- toilet. "Well,"
she said, eff I'd known that it was only
sit around I'd not have put my clothes
on. london Truth.
AMERICANS are of n practical nature.
When an Illinois farmer who had got
rich was visiting Switzerland, they dilated
to him of the beauty of the surrounding
scenery. eyes, he replied, ''as scenery
it's very good. But it strikes me the
Lord has wasted lot of space on scenery
that might have been made level and
good farming land" They wanted to
lynch him. -BOStOn Post.
The Chicago street car conductor may
not be very civil but he is man of i'm
agination. The Inter- ocean tells story
of member of the guild who, when
woman wearing dolman waved her
arms to stop him, and then, fearing to
be run over by passing wagon, did not
move from the sidewalk but continued
her gestures, shouted, "Come, madam,
quit tapping them wings and get
aboard. "-BoSton Transcript.