Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1881-11-19
sP0OPENDYKE's BABY.
From the Brooklyn EaEle.l


[From the Brooklyn EaEle.l
"Well, we'll. WE'LL" said Mr.. Spoop.
endyks, with q grin that involved his
whole head, and an effort at tiptoe tread
that shook the whole house. "And so
it's girl, my dear" /
Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled family, and
Mr.. Spoopeudyke picked up his heiress.
Its the image of you." she said, re-
garding with some trepidation MIR.
Spoopendyke's method of handling the
infant.
II don't see how you make that out"
said Mr.. Spsopendyke, gravely.. IL
don't know when my nose looked like
the thumb part of boiled lobster claw.
Do understand you that my eyes bear
any resemblance to the head Oi q screwp"
81 mean the general features" muir
INJURED Mrs. Spoopendyke.
''The general features seem to be all
mouth" retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke, ex-
amining his acquisition. 'It our gener-
al features are at all alike, my visage
must remind you OF an earthquake. Hi!
kitchee! kitchee! What makes her
fold up her legs like thats"
"She can't help It," reasoned Mrs.
spoopsudyks. ''they'll straighten out in
mo time like the present." quoted
MIR. Spoopendyks. and he took his
daughters feet and commenced pulling
her limbs. II don't want any bandy-
legged child in this family while Pm at
tho head OF It,"
Naturally the baby began to cry. and
Mr.. Spoopendyke essayed to soothe it.
eli kitcheel kltchee kitch -ee. ee !"
no chlrrnped. "Great Scott, what q
cavern! Any idea how much this mouth
weighsp Hi! kitchee kitch-e-e! You'll
haye to get that mouth rooted in before
cold weather. What's the matter with
her, anyway"
s'Perhaps you hurt her. Let me take
her, please" pleaded helpless Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
"she's dong we'll enough. Hil you
Hold up! Haven't you anything to
catch this mouth imp It's spilling all
over the nelghborhood. Hi! Topsy,
Genevleve, Cleopatra, dry up. Pm 60
ing to have trouble breaking this young
ones temper. can SEQ that. Here
bend the other way once!" and Mr..
Spoopendyke tried to strsighten up his
offspring without avail.
sLet her come to me; do please" :"
moaned Mrs. Spoopendyke; and Mr..
Spoopendyke was forced to hand her
| over.
"Well, that's quite a baby" said he,
nursing his knee and eyeing the infant.
"What're those bumps over its eyes torP
What preponderance OF intelligence do
they representa-"
"You mustn't talk 80, demonstrated
Mrs. Spoopendyke. ''She's tho hand
soonest child you ever saw"
"Well, she's got to sop biting her
nails before she goes any further with
this procession. Here, take your hands
out of your mouth, can't Youp Why
don't you put her hands DOWN."
"Why, all babies do that" explained
Mrs. Spoopendyke. s'You can't stop
that.'
I'm gong to try" said Mr.. Spoop.
endyke, and don't want to be interter.
ed with in bringing this child up. Here
you, Maud S., Bonesetter, put your
hands IN your pockets. Don't let me
see any more nail-chewing, or you and
I'll get mixed up in an argument. She
gets that from your family, Mrs. Spoop
endyke."
"Say, dear, don't you want to 60 and
order some thingsp" asked Mrs. Spoop
endyke.
"No," rejolned her husband. 81
want to see this Youngster. Where's
her CHIMP Do babies always have theil
upper jaw set right on their shoulders
Kitchee! kitchee! Her scalp comes
clear to the bridge OF her nose. I dom
| oha3o ri hoI
foreheadp Great Moses! Her head il
all on the back part. Say, that baby'l
got to be pressed. That's no shape"
"Get away" exclaimed Mrs. Spoop
endyke, Indignantly. "She's perfect
angel. There's nothing in the worlt
the matter with her,"
"Of course you know" growled Mr.
Spoopendyke. "You don't want any
thing more than a fog-horn and miss
pent appropriation to be an orphan
asylum. II l had your faith, and th,
collie, I'd make living as q foundlings
home. She'll be old enough to speal
in q week, won't she 2"
mo, she won't!'' said Mrs. Spoop
endyke. "She'll never be old enough
for that.''
s'I'll bet she WILL" grunted Mr.. Spoop
endyke. ''If she isn't, she'll get it be
fore she natures up to that period
That's all. Let me take her. Here. LETT
have her,"
But Mrs. Spoopendyke fatty refused
''Keep your dod-gasted baby, then
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke. I'll you know
more about babies than do, then keel
her. The way you coddle her on
would think she was new paste for th'
complexion. If you had one more brall
and handle, you'd make fair rattle
box. Fit you up with broken sofa ane
a grease spot, and you'd do for second
hand nursery"
And Mr.. Spoopendyke started off t.
find Specklewottle, who congratulated
him, and started off with him to assis
in the selection OF an overcoat and a pal
of ear-muffs as precautionary agains
the approaching winter.