The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1881-04-30
sPooPENDYKE's susPENpERs.

sPooPBNDYKE's susPENpERs.
Snow, my DEAR" said-Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, rs he stretched himself and drew
on his pantaloons, "you'vc cleaned these
trousers up first rate. This is what |
call economy. 1t saves money. If I'd
taken 'em to the tailor's il would have
cost a couple of dollars at least, and
you've saved just that amount" and
Mr.. Spoopendykc went to his ablutions
and then pulled on his shirt.
"I'll clean your coat too, il YOU like, {"
said Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Lcaye j, home
some day and I'll take this spot out OF
the sleeve" and Mrs. Spoopendyke
bustled around and looked delighted
with the idea Of pleasing her husband.
"Where'smy suspenders ?" asked Mr..
Spoopendyke, screwing himself around
and looking down his back. "You
didn't clean the suspenders clear out
of sight, did you7"
"They were there when you put on
your pants" said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
al haven't touched them. What did
you do with them -
"Oh, yes, certainly. did something
with them! What dye s'pose ! did
with them? Think | set them up in
business somewhere, don't ye? Well,
l didn't, and more'n that didn't send
'em away to be educated for the minis
try. Where's my suspenders? Where'd
you put 'em? S'posc I'm going around
holding these pants up all day? Think
I've got no business interest beside
holding on my breeches with both
hands? What'd you do with the meas
ly things9"
'1 know ] didn't take them off the
pants," said Mrs. Spoopendyke, pulling
open the bureau drawers and hustling
things around in vain endeayor to find
the missing article.
"They must be there somewhere.
"Show 'em to me, then T. demanded
Mr.. Spoopendyke, "takc a stick and
point 'em out to me OF course they're
here somewhere, only just put your
thumb on emp What have you done
with 'em' Can't We recollect whether
ye made 'em up into hat bands for the
heather, like you did my dressing gown,
or whether You planted them to see il
they would grow, like you did my straw
hatl Think they walked off like GRO.
ton bug1 S'pose those s,ispenders have
taken their girl to a pic-nic1 What
kind Of housekeeping d. ye call this, any.
how1 Where'smy suspendersl" howled
Mr.. Spoopendyke, poking around in
the soiled clothes-bag. "Where's those
suspenders 2" and he pulled the book.
off the shelf and rumaged around be.
hind the case with a broom-handle fol
a divining rod.
"Maybe ] can fix your pants so yor
won't need any suspenders to-day, and
I'll find them before night" suggested
Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"That's il. You've got it," raved
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "How are you 60
ing to fix them1 Going to tie them or
with shoe string, like you do YOU
bustlef Going to walk around behind
me all day and hold 'em on? P'hap:
you can pull 'em up and bottom 'en
around my neck How dye propose
to fix 'cm 2 Going to put 'cm on m,
upside down so If they fall they'll fall
ups II had your head I'd go out tc
service as n file. Fix 'em, why dom
YEP Why don't ye fix 'em Thes,
trousers are getting sick at the stomach
waiting to be fixed I" and Mr.. Spoopen
dyke shot across the room and dove un
der the wardrobe i'm search of the losl
suspenders.
"Just let me buckle them tight be
hind" said Mrs. Spoopendyke. eth,
strap will hold them"
"That's the scheme" shrieked Mr.
Spoopendyke. Something's got e
hold them II I was as sharp as yo,
I'D get rich hiring out for an oyster
knife. Going to find those dod gastee
suspenders between now and the mex
war"
81 know they were on his pants whei
he put them on, mused Mrs. Spoopen
dyke, entering upon little inductiv'
reasoning. "He didn't take them of
and so they must be there now," anG
the good woman approached her hus
band with smile.
'.Ohl now they're going to be fixed,
said Mr.. Spoopendyke, with horrible
grin. "P'raps you're going TO cut but
ton holes in your hands and feet ant
hang over my shoulders, amt YEP Wan
me 20 put 'em on over my head like |
measly skirt with two tucks and a flounc'
20 Il, don't ye1 Maybe you think thos
suzpcnders hurried down TO breakfas
SOS to get the first crack at the morn
ing paper, don't yeS"
But Mrs. Spoopendyke made no re
sponse. Opening the back Of her hus
bands fiuttering shirt, she saw the miss
ing suspenders. He had slipped then