The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1881-06-15
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The Philadelphia Chronicle has dis.
covered trichin@ in this years crop OF
ice-cream.
Josh Billings says he has neverknown
q sekund wife but what was boss OF the
situashun.
A deep thinker says that 'the geners
atty of women whodo fancy work, done
fancy work"
evil the coming man fyr Ha
probably will when the coming woman
pets after him.
The Detroit Free Press advises yout4
make weather predictions if you want
to be talked about.
The Rochester Democrat hears Of
couples being married on the run. Old
man after them with a shotgun, per
haps.
We know a man 80 near-sighted that
he can't recognize a creditor when he
passes n on the street.-Keoku6 Gaze
City.
Soldiers are always the most adept
lovers, because they learn how topIs
sent arms and salute. Baltimore Ecey.
Saturday.
"What is love?7 asks an exchanges
Love, my friend, is thinking that JON
and the girl can be an eternal picnic TO
each other.-Salem Sunbeam.
This is his first season o. q farm, and
he has planted ten acres with tomstoa
cans. He expects the ground wiHpro.
duce a heavy crop of canned tomatoes;
philadelphia Chronicle.
When a baseball club is beaten With
out making o run they are said to be
"whitewashed," but ne notice they
generally look pretty black all thess
saxs.-Boston Commercial.
A hofssdied in Campton,. N. H.s5thes
other day in>%hose stomach wa fo9pdz
fifty single end pieces OF hoop
iron. Indigestion Is the curse OF orr
modern civilization .NooA Citizen.
A @three-year:oa ratssEssed
neighbours hens in her yard scratching.
In q most indignant tone she reported
to her mother that Mr.. Smiths hens
were "wiping their feet on our grass"
Of all sad words Of tongue or pen,
The. saddest are these: Have you q ten z
-Eeokuk Constitution.
Of all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these: "We haven't q ter"
-SeubenriMe Herald.
Can anybody tell us why a woman,
emerging from a crowded car, always
makes believe she is going to get out
at one side of the platform, until two or
three men have jumped off in the mud
and then steps off at the other side2
She always does it; and We VAN
to know the reason why.-Philadelphid
Bulletin
A youth was heard to remark to q
jolly and fat Teutonian as the circus
pageant passed the city hall this morn.
ing: Haven't I seen you before? Your
face looks familiar" els dot SOP
said Hans. when you get SO old as
me your face will look familiar, too"
and strolled up Delaware avenue, hums,
ming "Embdy is de baby, his cradles
gone."-BHalo Ners.
The young folks will never be ems
t1rely resigned to the introduction OF
the electric light into private residences
until some means of turning it down
are invented and applied. As it now
is, you must have the full blaze or
Egyptian darkness. The latter is not =
exactly proper, and the former, forsob-
vious reasons, will never do.-E3erGted
Raihcay Journal
"The whisper of a beautiful woman
saws Balzac, "can be heard further than \
the loudest call of duty" But tho man
who is creeping up stairs with his boots
off ct 2 o'clock A. NJ. and hears the whis-
rer of his wife as she leans over the
banisters in the darkness doesn't think
of her beauty. His chief thought il
how much he would like to exchange
his boots for q pair of wings.