davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27
Jokes and Their Value.

Going down Pennsylvania avenuethe other
day, Senator L. beckoned a friend.
Heres a capital joke which | found in a
California paper to-day. Those Western fel-
lows have a new and most original turn of
humor."
His friend read it: VERY good; but as old
as the Christian religion. l can show it to
you in Lucian."
And he did.
And there is nothing as scarce in the
world as good fun. Quips and happy turns
and even puns, have cone down to us from
Chaucer's day; they parade as newcomers
every thirty years, and a new generation
laughs at them, and then they go into hiding
again.
Amy one who is in the habit of looking at a
large humble Of newspapers, knows how the
same little anocdote will be copied from New
York to San Francisco; how glad our British
brethren (whO never originated a Joke of
their own are to get it how it crops up in
France, on Russian steppes in the Friend Of
India, in the japan Herald, and amid Swed-
ish SHOWS Or the earthquakes of Honolulu,
putting a girdle Of spliles around the world.
Yet, after all, there is an ancient flavor IN it.
We dimlv suspect that we heard it in our
youth. 1t is as easy to discover a new science
as a new joke.
Fun, too, has a disproportionate money
value in the. American market. The man
who writes a book which makes people laugh
is read by tens of thousands, where the solid
philosopher or historian is read by one. The
comedian, the humorous lecturer, even the
joker on a daily paper, is paid an exaggerat-
ed sum compared to the purveyor of solid
mental food for the public.
There must be a reason for this. The thing
which the world boards so carefully, and is
willing to pay so high for, must be of actual
value to the world. The reason is that all
men need relaxation, and the urgencies with
which Americans demand il, shows how over
strained their lives are.
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27
Nevada Jurors of Other Days.

They were discussing the influence OF
money Of jurymen, when all old, grizzly
bearded man, who had been listening, slid
up and remarked
"Mnins suits ain't what they used to be.
There's been no real live litigation to speak
of since the Raymond & Ely suit with the
Hermes, IN Pioche.'
"Were you in town %
"Well, rather l travelled 400 miles on a
mule to get to the jury box. ! struck the
town about & o'clock at night, and walking
INTO the leading bar-room, inquired if the
suit had begun. Inside of half an hour a
man came up and asked me what my name
was. He wrote it Town on his shirt cuff,
aud then said 'Pard, if you want to stay
and see the suit, let me see YOU through on
marking that he thought the Raymond Il Ely
had the bulge on the law | said that |
thought that myself, and then | saunt6red off.
In about an hour a man came to me and told
me | was drawn on the jury. l said didn't
mind and agreed to stand in. About nine
o'clock a man tapped me on the shoulder and
handed me $500, remarking hat the Hermes
people had all the law and facts on their side
that was necessary. He thought l might
need a little money for expenses. Of course
| took the money he seemed so anxious to get
rid of, and then slipped into a back room, put
on a pair of false side-whiskers, and a thin
silk duster l had been carrying. and l was a
changed man. BY 10 O'Clock l was on a good
horse that l paid $500 for, and started of on
a prospecting trip. couldn't bear the idea
of holding the scales of justice in "a case like
that. l was fearful of further corruption,
you see. But on the trial l was represented
by a proxy. On the road l met old Bill Da-
man, dead-broke and discouraged. l put
on the lay, and he started double-quick
for Phoebe. He struck the ledge rich, l guess,
for when l next heard Of him he was driving
a sparkling team and enjoying life."
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27
Some Rules of Conduct.

Never exaggerrate.
Never point at another.
Never betra Y a confidence.
Never wantonly frigbten others.
Never leave home with unkind words.
Never neglect to call upon your friends.
Never laugh at the misfortunes of others.
Never give a promise that you do not full
fill.
Never speak much of your own perform
ances.
Never send a present hoping for one in re-
turn.
Never fail to be punctual at the time ap-
pointed.
Never pick the teeth or the nails in COM
pany.
Never make yourself the hero of your own
story.
Never fail TO give a polite answer to a civil
question.
Never question a servant or child about
family matters.
Never read letters which you may find ad-
dressed to others.
Never present a gift saying that it is of no
use to yourself.
Never fail, if a gentleman, of being civil
and polite to ladies.
Never associate with bad company. Have
good company or none.
Never call attention to the features or form
of any one present.
Never look over the shoulder Of another
who is reading or writing.
Never refer to a gift you have made or
favor you have rendered.
Never appear to notice a scar, detormity
or defect of any one present.
Never arrest the attention of an acquain-
lance by a touch. Speak to him.
Never punish your child for a fault to
which you are addicted yourself.
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27
DEMO 1NATIONAL Drops

Az the recent meeting Of the Irish Episco-
pal Synod Of Ferns, the Bishop said that =
a church had been closed in tho diocese. dur
ing the ten years that had passed since the
oisessaolishment, but an additional church
snd three new glebe houses had been or ware
being built.
Inc American Free Baptist Missio. in
southern Bengal occupies six principal Sta
lions, has added forty-eight members (but
only "a part Of them from the heathen) BY
baptism during the past year, and now has
o4' Members gain of twenty -fve-sud
over HOO Sunday-school scholars.
1t is proposed to make a new canvass Of
London, In order to bring a larger proportion
OF The children into the Sunday-schools.
The number Of Sunday school scholars in the
metropolis is now within a fraction of ton
per cent. of the whole population, but a
quarter OF a million Of the children are still
out.
The first meeting of a delegated General
Conference of the Methodist Episcopal
Church in India was held in Allahabad in
July. Thirteen ministers represented the
North ana South India Conferences and
talked over the general interests of the
Church In the whole country. The Confer
ence will meet again in January, 1884.
There were in 1880 in India $50 foreign
missionaries, $50 native ordained agents,
34O,623 Christian adherents and 1O2, PA
communicates, showing a gain since 1871 OF
81 missionaries, 1874 native ordained agents,
1886 adherents and 40,62s communicates.
The number of commandments has nearly
doubled in ten years.
The 9th triennial conference of the Young
Mems Christian Associations of all lands met
in London, July 30th. About 500 delegates,
representing nearly 5000 associations, attend.
ed. One OF the most important addresses
was made by the Earl of Shaftesbury, who
was the first President of an association OF
this kind.
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27
IN

$50 .f # . 2 -- #EI .E @
rom Tennyson, partly quoted in Garneld,
speech on Lincoln.
Dost thou look back on what hath been,
AS some divinely gifted man. r..
Whose life in low estate began,
And on a simple village green;
Who breaks his births inyidious bar,
And grasps the skirts Of happy chance.
And breasts the blows of circumstance,
And grapples with his evil star;
Who makes by force his merits known,
And lives to clutch the &C lden keys,
To mould a mighty States DEGREES,
And shape the whisper Of the throne;
And moving up from high to higher,
Becomes on Fortunes browning slope
The pillar ola peoples hope,
The center of a worlds desire;
Yet feels, as in a pensivs dream
When all his active powers are still,
A distantdreariness in the hill,
A secret sweetness in the stream;
The limit of his narrower fate,
While yet beside its narrower springs
He played at councillors and kings,
With one that was his earli er mate;
Who plows with path his native lea,
And reaps the labor ofhis hands,
Or in the furrow, musing, stands;
"Does my old friend remember me?"
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27
DROPS.

Pere Hyacinthe has written a letter on the
death of Dean Stanley, in whom, he believes,
the movement of which he is a representa-
tive has lost one Of its best friends.
The English Ritualists have established a
"Guide in aid Of Home Duties" to look
after matters pertaining to domestic servants.
1t confines its attention to church people.
Sunday, September 4th,is popularity known
in the Episcopal Church as "Deaf-mute Sun
day, because it is the time for taking a col
through the church for the Deaf
mute Mission.
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27
REWARD.

Strayed from our ranch, on Pipe Stone, on
sunday, Sept. ilth. 1881, the following describ-
in face, six years old, weighs about LOO lbs.
branded with the letters III. P.," the P over
and connected with the ]. Also two Others
"M;" one branded "J;' one branded with a
scruple TT" one sorrel mare branded "S. H."
combined; one bay fliey two years old, no
brands: one large chestnut cola mare colt of
last spring; one small bay date, colt. We will
pay the above reward for the horses delivered
AT the corral Of Lavell Bros, Butte, or at our
ranch;or q suitable reward will be paid for any
Information that will lead to their recovery.
JOHN BURKE,
JOHN LYNCH
Sep23d3tw2
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27
BREvITIEs.

N riles . country postmistress is to have
Al card come to the Office written in
b.
&c Greenwood is in England, an inva-
III asthma and bronchitis.
sy has engaged Nilsson for 100 con-
uyiDg her 100000, all expenses and
share in the nightly receipts.
! French women were made citizens Of
n,sd States in Chicago the other day
1t on record.
bcess Dolgorouki, widow Of the late
has been visiting the Austrian Empe-
d Empress at Schonbrum. She is TO-
tlsbad.
,en Victoria tonvsrses on books and
nes in the Italian language, OF general
u in French, criticizes music in Eng
md reads in German.
kusin gentleman must have been very
of his wife when he described her as
aiful, dutiful,youthful and an srmful."
rested his hot brow upon his hand and
Id: "Three months ago she vowed
build never, never marry me, and now
suing me tor a breach of promise"
York policemen are forbidden to
women whom they escort across the
Lincoln's health has improved, and
spend the autumn and winter with
in Washington.
good husband makes a good wife,"
philosopher, but lie stops there, and
bay what he makes her do. Probably
The fire in the morning and sit up late
b at night.
easier for a camel to pass through the
a needle than it Is for a young woman
br.lined silk cloak to walk around with
aying open just a little to show that the
more than mere border.
be: Bridal reception. Several of the
after shaking hands with the bride,
speaking at the same time: Where
bridegroom ?" Bride, naively: Oh,
stairs watching the wedding pres
aid that ladies of blonde complexion
be crimson upholstering of the Pull
fars too trying, and have petition ed
4llman for a change to blue.
present Princess of Egypt, the khe-
only wife, is a cultivated and liberal
q woman. She received a European
ion, and her children are brought up
Elish governesses and in English ways.
been to Mrs. Tittletsttle," said Mrs.
/, "and the way she ran Oh about you
(rftctly scandalous." $50 she's been
about me- has she ?" asked Mrs.
!, quietly. Eyes, indeed, she has," re-
lrs. Telltale, with emphasis. What
time you two must have had," said
brown with a sweet smile.
ng man, beware of stock and grain
htions. If you want an option" that
get the option to the hand of a good
e girl Of manageable age, and put up
Ld a neat little cottage as a margin. 1t
the grandest speculation you ever
and it will bring you big profits.
kn stake your last dollar on that and
I'D, clear, ringing yell came from the
grounds, and, although the husband
b sitting at the bay window smoking
led his wife's voice, the perfect seren-
his manner remained undisturbed.
DO mother-in-law looked up with a
expression and asked hurriedly,
pr, did you hear that cry? What does
Without removing the cigar from
\ nth he answered calmly, More corn
pr Sallie."
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27
MISTAKEN IDENTITY.
tai Grant Tackled by ;Bunko
Men.

New York Sun is responsible for the
bg improbable story: A stocky man,
|uare shoulders, rotund vest AMI close
sandy beard, hurried out of the main
. of the Fifth Avenue Hotel the
morning and started along Twenty
rect toward the elevated railway sta
Two bunko men stood in the shadow
hournful cab horse and watched he
man with the close clipped, sandy
The habits of a bunko man are we'll
When their victim approaches No.
up, and grasping h m warmly by the
avs: Mr.. Jones of ~Skaneateles, how
The intended victim, who is pos
NTH of Penn Yam, tells his name and
to No. /, who retires with ditfidence
shes, and coniides 1t to No. 2. a lit
No. 2 runs up and exclaims 'Why,
y Penn Yam, how are you" where
Enith promptly sffirms that he is en-
Eood physical health, and betrays his
condition by Immediately accompa
10, 2 to u bar-room and losing $3.50 Oh
spot.
be bright morning. referred TO the
i nd stocky man hurried along, his
'andy beard cutting the air sturdily.
man No. l jumped from behind the
lled at him for an instant, and then
his face blazed with joy:
Farlington of Hornellsville. how are
this he seized the hand of the stscky
wrung it as though it were his long
ehsr's. The stocky man shook him
said
y, g'vay l don't know you
|, are you not Mr.. Darlington Of
am not
this is a most astonishing resem-
- May l ask who you are
sou may
who are your
&sneral Ulysses S. Grant,"
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27

II Is stated that Brady, of whom frequent
uantion nsed to be made, is in retirement Ill
G Canada, and andI that Dorsey is-ths Lord knows on5
uber.' l, would be a more appropriate anu
proper statement, if ju tice were done Iier,'
hat thew are in retirement in the penltehliafs'
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27
The Modus Operandi.

To those who contemplate the organiza-
ton of a mining company, the stock of which
is to find its way on our Exchange, a few
wolds Of advice may not be inappropriate.
In the first place, do not pay over FIVE hun
dred dollars for a property, even if it only rep
resents a sand-hill. The brokers handle GER
tifcatrs-not mines, and it will be well TO
keep this fact before you. Incorporate your
company with a capitalization of 100000
shares, and if your means dc not ALLOW the
expense of an office, engage desk room some
where at a low figure. Your expenses will
aggregate, say six hundred dollars, and not
more than one hundred if you can get a
property bonded to you for any lenght OF
time with a view of purchase. You pay two
hundred dollars mere for listing the stock,
and are now on a fair way for business. Sc
lect half a dozen brokers, and they will
make () sales of your stock, at various prices
varying from SO to 81 90. But no moneys
must be expected frcm these sales, as they
are merely figures for quotations. Alter dial
living with the stock tor a month OF two, let
the stock suddenly drop to GA and .O5 The
public will readily risk four and five cents for
a dollar certificate, and if you are successful
in unloading your entire stock, you sum up a
tot al of ten to fifteen thousand dollars to
your credit-minus the small outlay. This
is the only mining scheme that can be work
ed at a profit at present. And yet there are
epyious persons connected with legitimate
corporations who publicly state that their
stocks shall not be listed On the board. But
an allowance must be made, when we take
into consider alton, that these stocks represent
Mines, that are being properly developed at
considerable outlay, and the paper in the GER
tifcate of the one is only equal in value to the
paper of the other. But you must not mind
tho hue and cry of these people. They have
not struck the proper method philadelphia
Minino, Banking and Insurance Journal.
The boughs that bear the most hang the
lowest.
Upon accepting a favor you sacrifice lib
erty.
vengeance belongs to no mortal, and who
employs it usurps the privilege of 3 higher
power.
Wise men make more opportunities than
they find.
The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-09-27
WANTED.
sep23d3tw2

A situation wanted as Clerk in a Dry Goods
store. Several years experience, Address
tClerk, )" MINER Office. sep23d& wat
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-10
TELEGRAPHIC.
Condensed for Convenient and
Ready Reading.
WASHINGTON

COLONEL GEORGE w. HOOKER, of Yer
mont, has entered the field as a candidate
for sergeant-at-a rms of Ethe house of rep
resentatives.
CAPTAIN FRANCIS NJ. RAMSEY has been
appointed superintendent of the United
States naval academy, and Admiral Rodg-
ers will be retired.
PRESIDENT ARTHUR has gone to New
York, and after spending a week in that
city will return and take possession of the
white house.
THE supreme court justices, General
Sherman, and other distinguished gentle
men at Washington attended the wedding
OF }. L. Childs, of Boston, and Miss Edith
Harlan.
THE president has appointed Clifford
Stratham postmaster at Lynchburg, Va.
IN place of Wilson, suspended, in accord :
ance with the programme arranged by the
last senatorial caucus.
In reviewing the business of the treas
ury tor the year, Treasurer GilflIan says
there is no provision of law recurring q
specie reserve for the redemption of
United States notes, but the stock of coin
has been maintained at about forty per
cent. OF the greenbacks outstanding.
Ii is charged that General Tyner's hunt
ing trips are made with the postmaster
OF Laramie, Wyoming, to whom he al
lowed salary of 100 per annum, and
81 200 for clerk hire The office paid less
than $4OO yearly in box rents and COM
missions.
The canvass for the speakership of the
house will doubtless commence within
three weeks, as prominent members are
already engaging quarters. The caucus
strength of the republicans is estimated at
100 votes, with rs necessary to secure
nomination. Ex-Congressman Rainey,
colored, of South Carolina, and McPher-
son, of Pennsylvania, are candidates for
the clerkship.
CAVEATS on file in the treasury DEPART
ment show that there are outstanding
$2,541 900 in stolen registered bonds, for
which new ones have been issued 1t has
been discovered that thieves lend their
plunder to dishonest officials of banking
and other large corporations, to be filed
away as legitimate securities, receiving
as compensation sum equal to the legal
interest.
DEFREES, the public printer, is making
vigorous effort to be retained, but will
probably be compelled to give place TO
5. ?. Rounds, of Chicago. General Joseph
K. McCammon, of Philadelphia, has been
appointed auditor of railroad accounts.
to succeed Theophilus French. 1t is said
that Chauncey l. Filley, of st. Louis, will
be appointed postmaster general in Janu-
ary, and that the secretaryship of the iu-
terror lies between ex-Senators Chafee
and Sargent.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-10
FIRES AND CASUALTIES.


THE planning mill of Menke, CIR nm
Co., has been obliterated by flames, wiping
out 100000.
THE fouring-miIl Of Lancaster & Err
win, at Girard, ILL.,, valued at $15, 900, was
swept away by fire.
The latest break in the Sny levee is
eleven miles below Hannibal, where the
Mississippi is seven miles in width.
a LOSS of $45, 900 was incurred at Pitts
burg by the burning of the hinge-works
and carpenter shop of the Allegheny
mill.
KErTH's extensive furniture warehouse
at Leayenworth, Kan, valued, with its
contents, at $4,000, was swept away by
fire. A fireman was injured by falling
wall.
AT Columbus, o., Emma Beckman. who
was taken sick while employed in hotel,
Jumped from a fourth-story window of a
building in High street, receiving fatal
injuries.
AT the Vulcan steel-works, st. Louis,
the fall of an elevator crushed James
| McGrail to jelly, fractured Pat Dailey's
skull, and broke three ribs for James Mar
riOn. An hour previously Hugh Hogan
was roasted with molten metal.
WIN. II. GURNEE, one of the abIest law
| yers of western New York. whose brain
| was affected by sunstroke received four
years ago, drowned himself in the Niagara
river, under the hallucination that he
would die in the poor-house.
MICHAEL O'MALLEY, foreman in the
mill elevator of Freeman & Co., of La
Crosse, was smothered to death in one of
the large bran-bins. The bran in some
way became clogged, and in order to right
matters O'Malley descended into the bin,
and was buried alive. When found he
was standing in an upright position. He
was young man.
| A CLERK in Cincinnati hat store went
| TO the door with brass rod to take in
some buffalo robes. The metal touched
! the iron frame of the electric light, and
he was knocked through the plate glass
| show window, from which he rolled to the
sidewalk, remaining unconscious for a
! long time.
JOHN GOULD, switchman in the employ
| of the Detroit, Grand Haven and Michi-
[ gan railroad company, at Detroit, Mich
| while attempting to make coupling, had
| his foot caught in frog, and in trying to
| eXtricate himself fell forward and was run
| over by switch engine. Part of one leg
and one arm and shoulder were severed
from the body. When picked up by the
train men life was extinct. The deceased
was "a years of age, unmarried, and his
parents live in London, Ont.
EDGEFIELD COURT HOUSE, S. c., has
! been almost wholly wiped out by an in
! cendiary confagration. The provisions
spared by the FIRE will not last two days,
and citizens of Augusta will send in a
large contribution of food at once. Only
three stores are left to mark the site of
the town. The flames broke out just be-
fore daybreak in the livery stable of the
Tillman hotel. The loss is estimated at
over 100000, which is distributed among
| thirty-tive persons.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-10
ems fire upon Vanderbilt in a new quar-.

opens fire upon Vanderbilt in new quar-
ter.
By order of the president, the pension
agency at St. Louis is to be removed to
Topeka January I, and Nathaniel Adams
has been appointed agent. The pension
bureau reports its aggregate annual bur
den at S28, ,769,977
CAPTAIN PAUL BoYXToN was welcomed
to Omaha BY an assemblage of ten thou
sand persons on the river bank. He float
ed down from Sioux City in about twenty
nine hours.
LARGE amounts of confederate bonds
were purchased at Augusta Ga. at from
80 to 81 per 81 900. The Pail Nell Ga
zette says there is not a penny in the bank
of England to the credit of the confederate
government.
A PARTY of officers and posse of six
teen well-armed men made raid on a
house near Adairsyille, KY, to capture
the James brothers, but found they had
fed.
JUDGE ROGERS, of the circuit court of
Chicago. has released from the Elgin asy-
lum Mrs. Ada Robert, who shot T. B.
Weber. She will reside with her mother
near Burlington, Iowa.
LIZ I1SHCu RuSoto hSiS uIIhSH dDOuI
Boston in procession of fourteen car
riages. A call was made. at the residence
of Henry w. Longfellow, but he was too
i'll to be seen. Robert G. Winthrop made
brief address at Bunker Hill monument,
stating that American independence was
made possible only by French aid.
Mrs. GARFIELD announces that COM
plete biography and an appropriate col
lection of the literary works of the late
president will be publish ed at the earliest
practicable time. The contributions to
the monument fund have been $12, $50.
The corpse has been removed from the
public vault in Lake View to the finest
private vault in the cemetery.
Crow DOG entered a demurrer to the
indictment found at Deadwood for the
murder of Spotted Tail, claiming that
under section JAG of the revised stat utes
an Indian can not be tried for an offense
against another Indian. Judge Moody
held that this section has been abrogated
by teraty, and the chief will be tried in
January.