Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1881-12-31
CROOKED WAYS.


Like good many other young men
and women too, for that matter--I was
ouoe badly afflicted with caeoetIess cribtn-
d. OF course greater evils might have
befallen me / might have been seized
with passion for whisky or gambling !;
but, still, my cacofthss scriJendi was
serious enough. During my college days
the symptoms showed thems elves
plainly but the malady did not really
assume its true and awful proportions
until I had taken my degree. Then, for
sooth, it fastened upon me like leech,
and before many months elapsed it
oyermastered me completely. In ac-
cordance with my mothers wish, I went
TO Dundas ostensibly to read law with
my uncle, but it was mere pretence of
law.reading, for the mornings that
ought to have spent over Blackstone
were devoted to the composition of a
novel and the afternoons to the polish
ing OF some poems. Uncle Dick shook
his head gravely and demonstrated,
sometimes in sadness and sometimes in
anger.
THAT scribbling will never amount
TO anything" he would say contempt
ously. This was hard to bear; but my
lofty aspirations sustained me, and firm
in my belief of ultimate success,
scrubbed on and ever, and bombarded
sll the magazines in the country with
my manuscripts. The magazines did
not open their columns to me, and l
fell back at last upon the weekly
newspapers, and especially upon the
Boston Weekly Palladium. That journal
printed my essays and certain assist
ant editor. whose initials We're "F. B.
S." sent NE polite notes from time to
time. 1. was something to see my
productions in print it would have
been better had these productions
once in a while brought in
check. But they never did; they
elected only polite notes from F. B. s
Finally, l wrote letter to the assis-
tant editor upon the subject, and by re-
tura post 1 received reply. 1t was
sent to my private box at the postoffice,
but, to my great amusement, was di
rected to Jane Bell, instead of John"
Ny handwriting was not very distinct,
and perhaps trifie feminine, and the
signature, upon which l rather prided
myself, certainly left it an open ques-
ton whether John or Jane were meant.
The note. too, began
''MIss BELL In reply to your ques-
ton, l would say that this journal pays
its regular corps of writers. We are
glad to receive your articles, and per-
haps later may make adequate compen-
sation therefor; but, as young writer,
it would be wiser for you to think at
present only of securing a foothold.
You have an excellent chance of success
in the end but much patience is neces-
sary at the outset.
"Please say whether shall direct flu
ture communications to John Bell, bliss
Bell or Mrs. Bell. At present l do not
venture to give you any title. Very
truly yours, +. B. ScnEvEN."
This letter at once amused and piqued
me. 1t vas pleasant and rather en-
couraging, but it was plain the writer
set me down as an impecunious young
woman, whereas the truth was / bad a
very fair income of my owp, and was
six-foot, mustached specimen OF mas
culinity. The idea of playing the role
of Miss Jane Bell tickled my fancy, and
therefore, giving my imagination free
rein, upon the spur OF the moment 1 sat
down and wrote as follows:
"F. B. ScnsvEN.-At present / also
am in quandary, for 1 do not know
whether I ought to address you as
Madame, Monsieur, or Mademoiselle
The last title is mine just now, although
Of course / feel at liberty to change it
when l choose, or rather when the
proper opportunity offers itself. Per-
haps matrimony would be more profit
able speculation than literature. Do
not, however, suppose l am dependent
upon my pen for my bread and butter.
In this case, fear, the butter would be
very thin indeed. No; the fates have
given me most of the luxuries of life;
but these, of course, do not satisfy me.
The reason why / wrote as did about
payment for my articles was simply be-
cause l thought il they were good
enough to print they were good enough
to be paid for. 1t seems was mistaken
but, to show you that I take your ad-
vice, send you another essay. / will
at least try to secure foothold, and pray
that greater success may follow.
81 am. dear Madame, Monsieur, or
Mademoiselle Screven,
Sincerely yours,
''JANE BELL"
Laughing in my sleeve, L sent this
communication of, and planned that, if
the assistant editor sent me friendly
reply, would open correspondence
in my role of Miss Jane Bell and fool
F. B. Screven as never a man had been
fooled before. Judge, then, of my dis
may when received letter in what I
knew was Screven's writing, but not
written on Office paper, and signed
Frances Bertram Screven. GA woman,
by Jovep / exclaimed there and then
in the post-office, whereat a small boy,
who was standing nigh, nearly swal-