National Republican., 1881-11-23
GOVERNOR PERKINS ON A BUST.
How n Frisky Biiis Goat cot FoIt OF
neer and Smashed Things Generally.

How Frisky Biiiy Goat Got FuIt OF
Beer nnd Smashed Things Generally.
tall, thin man, with red nose, gray
side whisker, and n melancholy expression
drilled into the office Of the toa last week and
asked, in n subdued voice, II there was an unem-
ployed reporter on the staff just then.
Because said the stranger, "a very peculiar
thing happened up our way-I live at Hayes
Nalley-this morning, and which perhaps you
might work up into sort of item, somehow"
what sort of a thng2" said the Ipanaging eds.
tor, winsing to the fighting editor to get his club
ready In Ease the sad man pulled out a poem or
any other dangerous contriyance.
"Well, in the first place." said the stranger alb.
strnctedly, do you happen to know the effect Of
beer on animas?"
"Cant say do"
IT'S exactly the reverse OF what II Is on mo
Instend of soothing em II excites their nervous
organization to the highest pitch. Actually makes
'em insane"
docs, chr"
"Yes, sir; and this morning. as 1t was rather
sultry, sent my youngest boy for gallon of beer
lie stopped on the way and put the can down to
play marbles, McGlnty'sold black bilyl-goat came
along and drank up the bccr-cvery drop oft"
Great C'csarW said the court reporter, smack
Ing his lips, regretfully
He drunk every drop of IT, and nearly choked
to death OH the can. lie stood blinking around
little for awhile; then he started for street. car,
with all coloB set He hit the horse square amid
ships and II foundered at once"
Wrecked suppose p said the editor.
Precisely. The goat then glanced of. killed
the driver aud tclescoped the 1 was sitting Mt
the window all this time, and my attention was
attracted by Governor Perkins going down tho
street he'll bent for election"
Governor PerkinsT
"Thars the goats name, you see McGinty is
/ n ulFnNNa Das
plano out Of n wagon ncross the street when tho
Governor went through 'em like pile. driver be-
hind time. The Stoinway was sent to the manu-
| factory and the men TO the hospital. Terrible.
wasn't it7
Is this goat story In one act2" asked tho
militia special, getting out his his Springfield
"In one scene and nine tablea,ix," said tho
| stranger, solemnly." On the next block the Gov
ernor came across Dutch picnic. headed by q
brass band. The Tcutons were footing Listen 10
the Mocking Bird, and the way that goat stood on
his hind legs and waltzed around the pavement 10
| the music was just too funny for anything. may
say thnt II was actually amusing. Itslipped up on
| banana peel once, and fell against cigar sign"
"Ncvor mind the scenery" said the editor mo-
tioning the devil to call in six of tue healthiest
compostors.
"Well pretty soon the band changed OF into
Come Where My Love Lies Dreaming"
ibid the goat comeT
you just bet he did. lie didn't fancy the new
tune somehow, and the first thing the drum major
knew Perky--wo call tho goat Perky for short
| Perky took him in the stomach, broke him clean
In two, went through the rest OF the band, incud-
ing the big drum, and SO on clear down to the end
| of the picnic, which was four squares long. 1
think there were ninety-two killeu and eight hun
dred and six wounded. Pretty good, when you
| consider the entire driving power only one
gallon of cheap beer now, wasn't itY Now, 1t oc-
| CURED to -"
| "Just one minute" said the editor signaling tho
staff TO spit on their hands and timber up for ac-
ton. ALLOW me to explain what occurred TO you.
You concluded TO catch The goat when he got
sober and bring him down here for our benefit
| You have him now tied TO fre-plug around the
corner and IL we will only chip in about four bits
for beer you will get the animal started and we
| can watch the fun"
| Exactly" said the stranger, warmly; THAT IL
| precisely my idea. will now takc.up col"
That afternoon such of the customers Of the Post
as toiled up into the editorial rooms wondered at
| the number Of fresh blood stains on the stairs.--
Derrick Doid, in San Francisco Post.