South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-11-04

corning wedding tina. was soon TO
come Off. and recalled the subject at the
breakfast table the next morning by
asking the following questions: Papa,
what do you want to give the bride a.
way for ? Can't you sell her %
No love in this: "Why, how odd
you look with your hair parted in the
middle ~ exclaimed Mrs. Brown. Il
used TO part mine on the side" said
Mrs. Jones. Then the conversation be-
came general. Each lady had to tell
how she parted her hair-all but little
Ediths mother. She said nothing
Suddenly little Edith's voice was heard.
She evidently did not like 10 have her
mother ignored Said she: "AIy nam.
ma parts her hair in her lap" Her mo-
Their didn't look happy, but from the sig
nidcant glances that passed from one
TO another it was plain enough that the
information was nuts 10 the other ladies.
ON THE SAFE SiDE.-A Michigander
who was riding along the highway near
Charlestown, w. Va. n few days ago,
came across q negro who was grabbing
out a stump near the meadow fence, and
after few questions about farm pro
ducts, the Wolverine asked:
What do you get for taking that
stump OUT
'Jist fifty cents
How long have you been working
ut it?"
Well, nigh bout week, L reckon
and how much longer will it take
you p
We'll, I'spec.s could finish it to-
morrer, but reckon l wont do it arore
Friday
Why p
Wall, hear am de plot. III finish it
to-morrer an get my money I'll be
bound to drap down to Halltown an be:
on boss race an lose it all Eff wait
till Friday kin hab dc means Of gwine
utter de circus at Charlestown. knows
my weakness, boss, and 50 Ize gwine
to sot heah an dig leetle an sleep
leetle, AN chop off de las root when
hear de circus hons blowing on top dc
red skule house hill
a little three year old boy, already
set apart Tor a. lawyer calling, being
taken in hand with a rod, alter having
been forbidden to pick another pear
from favorite dwarf tree, Indignantly
exclaimed, Mamma, did not pick off
the pear; you come and see if did -
Sure enough lie didn't. He simply stood
there and ate it, and the core was still
dangling f:om the stem.
a FUNNY MlsTAKE.-A capital joke
says the New Jersey Patriot, all the
more palatable because it is true, and
can be vouched for, took place a few
Sundays since at one of the prominent
Fourth street churches.
~ OWNS NAV - NOIIuJ dCdCOn u9O
been very industrious in selling "a new
church book, costing seventy. Eve cents.
At the service in question, the minister,
just before dismisssins the congregation,
arose and said:
'All you who have children to bap-
tise will please present themselves next
Sabbath
The deacon, who, by the way, is lit
lie deaf, and having an eye TO selling
the books, and supposing bis pastor was
referring TO them, Immediately jumped
up and shouted
All you who haven't any can get as
many as you want by calling on me at
seventy five cents each
The preacher looked cross eyed at the
brothers, the brothers looked at the
Clergyman, the audience punched tie
audience in the side, the bubble grew
larger until it burst into loud OUTLAW.
Ladies colorcd up, crimsonod and thank.
ed the Lord for tue low price of peo-
ping the earth. There was no beuedic-
ton that morning worth speaking Of
lT DIDN'T PAss.-One Of the many
bills before the late Nebraska legisla-
ture provided foe a change in the name
OF the days Of the week, adapted TO tue
modern acceptation OF their various pur-
suits. it is unnecessary to state that,
IKE many another good and beneficial
act, it vas killed.
Monday was to be Washday.
tuesday " Ironday
Wednesday Mondday.
Thursday Uato5o,,