The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-09-10
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Defy inc truuh N'Nf""''
There may be "a good time coming" but
Maud 8. makes the best time up to date.
No woman should borrow the husband OF an
other; because 1t is not good for man to be a
loan.
Who says it's unhealthy to sleep on feathers
Look at the spring chicken and SEQ how 'onSh
he Is.
The idea that nothing harder than diamonds
could DO made has been exploded, ST. Ions
bride having baked batch OF biscuits -DoS'""
PoH
This is the latest Western form OF saying
man was hanged: ale was unanimously choseh
BY a convention OF twelve property holders 10
lump from new pine platform into the sweet
subsequently,
"Thc truth is" as seen by the Retailer, Johr-
nal devoted to alcohol, shat the world never
drank so moderately and judlciousy OF all the
beverages as at present"
The Boston Inpsstigator's way OF saying lie
died" is as follows: "He passed the boundary
which limits our knowledge Of the duration oil
individual consciousness"
The name is lacking In this Western Item OF
news: San eminent judge OF Indiana, now III
dulging in his annual debauch, has broken Ia
70 bank at the Hoosier capital"
The Policeman is the name OF new London
newspaper We will wager ten.dollar Dill
Counterfeit OF coursc) that II never appears
when the people want t.-WRam,port Break
fast Tdbf.
Walt Whitman goes right down to bottom
facts when he sings:
Blu. her father is watchful and wary,
4 very lll.tempered old churl,
And I'm not the sort OF canary
To be sickened for the love OF a girl.
Candidate, poetical: "Why should fear to
sin the sweets OF each red llp?' She, practical;
"No necessity for alarm at all! use yegeta-
BILE color which is perfectly harmless"
correspondent writes: "Will you tell US
what Mrs. Langtry's maiden name was!' Ger
tainly; her maiden aim was to marry Mr.. Lang
try.-IR State Register.
The London Times says tina: the original oil
Dickens Fat Boy was man who lives at Bud
den, England. This relieves Alexander Ii. Steph-
ems of considerable anxiety.
The New York papers talk OF the sweltering
heat at o. Down in St. Louis, says the GloJe-
Democrat, when the thermometer falls to % they
feel like putting on overcOats.
The degree OF ID. D. has been conferred on the
general baggage agent OF the Central racine.
This degree is every day conferred on baggage
agents, but two small DIS are considered suiii-
Client " express the idea. --Raitpdy Age.
A young gentleman who was walking with
young lady in Central Park the other evening
was explaining to her that nitro glycerine Is Il
kind of glycerine that explodes at night. He
must have been taking hydrogen for GIN and wa
ter-N. Y. Herald
Ben Butler scouts the idea OF his having &C
eepted retainer from Guiteau, and says he hasn't
fallen low enough to do that yet AS Guiteau's
wealth IS at present confined to a bruised nickel
and a quarter with hole In it, Ben Buffers head
is evidently AS level as ever. -NedW.
"How big was Alexander, pa,
That people call him great!
Could he upend his mother-in-law
The best five times in eightT
sol no, my child; about the helt
OF me or Uncle Jim;
Old AlecK just got up and left
When she got after him.
A famous New York physician observes: "You
can double the circulation by washing the feet
In cold water before going to bed at night and
after getting up in the morning" This Is high
~ important discovery for newspaper proprie-
tors.-Philade,phia Sunday Item. And for green.
back politicians.
One Of the most fortunate cities in Illinois In Its
wa,ersupply is Bloomington. One Gifts residents,
the other day expatiating on the attractions OF
the place, reached the climax by saying: 1.-THE
best thing Of all Is It's pure water, There isn't
man In town but knows that If he ever wanted
drink of good water he could got it, It's nice
thing to know you can have pure water If you
should take notion that way.'
To while away the tedium OF tue long dull
nights last winter, they organized debating so
eiety in Deadwood. The fact that the president
was dead shot and sat with two revolvers in
hand kept the society In comparative quiet while
the questions, "Ought flush royal beat foul
accs?' and us 1t wicked to lynch Mexicans on
Sunday" were debated. But when they tackled
the question, Ought you to fire when man
reaches for his hip pocket, or are you bound to
walt and see whether it's revolver or a whisky
bottle he's drawing" the president could moi
control them and five funerals was the result.
The sections sweetheart's name was Nell,
And she was called the village belle;
When hope had made the sexton bold,
One night his love for Nell nc tolrd,
While TO his neck she fondy chung,
And lovingly her hand he wrung;
Her sentiment with his just chimcd
And his appeal she thought well. timed
And having TOLD his love SO well,
She whispered he might ring the belle.
--iS0nprrilk Journal.
This lie the very sarcastic way the 'funUy man
Of The Boston Post gets after the citizen Of ri
val town: "There is man in Buffalo who can
perfectly initiate the sound of Il threshing ma
chine. lie does 1t by eating plate of soup
Then, again, he touches up the Brooklyn young
men thus: "A naturalist has discovered thai
monkeys may be taught to dance. He probabl,
found 1t out by attending swell party in Brook
lyn."
An editor Ia charge OF religious newspaper
during the summer vacation of its regular chief
annIIInnea ihn snlnniinc dlacnrarr IL L.