The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-04-14
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

A crying evil--A cross baby.
A backward spring-gnirps,
The scale of good-breedlng-B nat
ural.
A poor elation-Telling an anecdote
badly.
A fish would be real nice if it didn't
drink.
What word is always pronounced
wrong, even by the best scholars p
Wrong,
Some ladies are so fond of dress that
they have their meals served on fashion
plates.
Eve, go to grass, as Mary said to her
little lamb when she sent it out to get
its meals.
cts easy enough, after you get your
hand in," was the reply of the criminal
with the fetters on his wrist.
When steamboat passengers talk too
much to the captain he can always find
relief by shouting: Man over-bored!" !"
-Picayuae.
The moral of "Josh Billings" sue
cess is very bad one for boys. It
shows how much money can be made
by bad spelling.
We have seen spring bonnets with
sixteen full-blown poppies on them.
The young ladies' poppies have to pay
dearly for them.
The young man who would scorn the
idea of being farmer is the very one who
is apt to be an expert in sowing "wild
oats. ."-Neriden Recordr.
els that mule tame ?" asked farmer
of an American dealer IN domestic
quadrupeds. "He's tame enough in
'front.'" answered the dealer.
Josh Billings says that ga good doc
tor is gentleman to whom we may pay
three dollars visit for advising us to
eat less and exercise more"
1t is said that long upper lip indi
Gates certain degree of good nature.
But the less lip, the better nature on
the part of the unwilling listener
eyes," said the schoolgirl, who had
risen from the lowest to the highest
position in her class, 81 shall have a
horseshoe for my symbol, as it denotes
having come from the foot"
A stranger in st. Louis, thinking he
recognized his coat on the back of pe-
destrian, shouted: "Stop ThiefW and
about thirty of the inhabitants suddenly
disappeared down side street.
Child at table devours gluttonously
her food. Mother, with gentle reproof
-" Well, what does baby say to kind
nursey that brings her all these good
things ?" Baby, with her mouth full
"More."
It has been estimated that the
common fly moves its wings $50 times
per second and 49, 500 times per minute.
The calculation was m lie by bald
headed man, one day last August Ne'O
York Ne,rS
It runs thuswise: "There came to our
cabin one morning in spring, sweet
little robin. He came there to sing, but
the cat was attentive, and watched from
afar till the robin, all needless, was
killed like CAR Derrick.
A Milwaukee girl, suffering from
lockjaw, was left alone with mouse
by shrewd physician, and she con-
grived to open her mouth enough tC
) tive yell that made the crockery in
the china closet rattle.
In the year 1880 America issued sew.
: enty patents to women. And not one Of
these was an indicator to be attached tc
bedpost to show if there is a mar
under the bed. And yet think how
! much getting down on hands and knees
= such thing would save women.-Bos
J ton Post.
! 1t is not pleasant to have the barber
. apprentice practicing upon you, la.
open your cheek with two-inch cash
and then follow the cut with the cheery
remark, "Skin's very tender, sir"
is not pleasant. We don't know what i
is, but it isn't pleasant. -Bwli'gto,
!, Hawkeye