Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1881-03-11
GOSSIP OF The DAY.

\ woman Will work month to fabri-
cate delicate protection for chair, and
thou when ii is in place an edict is
promptly issued forbidding any man sit
ting in that chair, through fear of spoil
ing the tidy. It's the best chair protector
that possibly could he desired Rock
tent tovrifJ.
And there were persons who thought
Sehuman's Cologne symphony not
worth a scent. The Scare.
She didn't seem to sense anything only
rultles and such like Her mind all seem
ed 10 be narrowed down and puckered up,
Just like tIimmin'. '.-.IoSiah iHcR'S IiIc.
Discussing George Eliot's works one
day with some ladies', something said sug-
Eested the Apocrypha. | asked Miss
piled, "the only novel of George Eliot's
have read is Daniel Deronda
Oar Episcopal friends will enjoy this
little story, il nobody else does : They
attended the same little Episcopal church
and D--'s pew was directly in front of
that Of Judge Kent Now, Judge D
had very slow and impressive way Of
repeating the responses, and sometimes
Jagged . little behind the rest Of the con-
cranation. Judge Kent waited onc morn
ing quietly till he got at just the right
place in the service, and then as the creed
was being said, lac leaned forward and
whispered into the ear Of his friend,
Judge D., out loud enough 10 CON
vulse the immediate circle with unseemly
laughter Judge D., wish You
could manage TO descend into helr lit
Tie quicker
Nh. o'Eallyghan How your cotin-
tIywomen can countenance such atroci-
ties. much less applaud and encourage
them puzzles ae, Mr. O'Ballyghan. Mr..
O'Ballvchan Look at that, now, I'll
have ynu know, Mrs. OBJ, that the
daughters av the first GIN of the sea TO a
man svmpathizn wild the land league, be
dad. '-fHa.
Donizeiti was really the inventor Of the
ulster. One day at Paris he sent for his
tailor TO measure him for an overcoat
The tailor found him at the piano, sur
rendering himself to the rapture Of COM
position. Nevertheless he was persuaded
to quii the beloved instrument and de-
liver himself up to the man Of tape and
chalk The tailor made the first measure
meuts, then, STOPPING, began to take the
length Of the garment. ''To the knee.
=" he said, iimidly. Lower lower, "
said the composer in a dreamy voice.
The tailor brought the measure half way
down the leg, aud paused inquiringly.
Lower, lower" The tailor reached the
composers ankles. Lower, lower"
"But sir, y0u won't be able to walk. "
Walk walk who wants to walk ?" with
an ecs,atic lifting Of the arms, Il never
walk ! soar"
The following recipe for eloquence is
given 10y down east" orator: Get
yourself chock-full Of the subject, knock
out the hung, and let nature caper."
He was Just home from dancing school
Did you have a good time, my little
man y asked his father. "Yes, sir n
real good time. danced every time ex-
cept the last ''And why not then ?"
asked the father. because Mr.. Papanti
wouldn't let me, and it was real mean, for
there were two or three empty girls. -
Bcsfoa TrGascritt
''Do You really believe that an ass ever
spoke to Balaam - queried n man who
prided himself on his intellect. Coler-
idre. To whom the question was put, re
piled: My friend, | have no doubt
whatever that the story ia true. | have
been spoken to in the same way myself.
Yes, said great traveller, "get tho
ST. Bernard If YOU want good dog.
Thousands Of times have | seen this mo-
ble animal in the bitter cold carrying its
frozen master by the slack of his trousers
over the highest mountains Of Europe.
The truth isn't half told about these sl;-
perb creatures.
'tWhat's TIE news ?" asked Jones OF
= go. Nhn had been pciing over The
mrUaptI,,T for half an hour News :
exclaimed Foeg, "lots of it, A dozen or
tvo miraculous cures by Abrnham's Oh,
a few testimonials for Jump Btters, Pill
garlic Persistent Pills, Uncas's Aborigi-
nal Cureail. Then there arc thrilling a.
counts Of seventeen different kinds of
pads for as many parts of the body, to-
gethcr with miscellaneous assortment
Of ahs"rbepta, specifics, detergents, anti
sr0rbutic7, rehcfs rcnoyators and renew
ers Oh, yes lots Of news, paper run
ming over with it. '-B Bosira Transcript
zone day when young Abu Ben high
dad was looking about IN the great libra
ry Of that eminent Arabian scholar, Shell
Dan-ed- hing Mac mobammcd, his eyes
fell upon twenty large volumes, all on
one subject He expressed his surprise
and exclaimed 20 Shcik, tell me
Allah bless us, what's in them books. II
strikes me, q Sheik, that the writer must
have been fellow of exhaustless wind
''Thou mistalest, O Ben-high-dad thou
art as yet but a superficial observer
Know, young fellow, thai these are the
works Of lhc high aud mighty Hash LA
ronu-cDu- found cd, ~ man who marrle'
early IN life and supposed hn had therein
attained the correct thing. Now, then, {
Ben-high-dad, listen la those books ar,
recorded ali the complaintsand fault find
inps which Mrs. Haroun-con found g,
committed to the cars of that mighty MAJ
during their welded life. And 10 Ben
high-dad. the great Hash IIaroun died
leaving his work, as we see, but frag
ment. though twenty volumes had bee
written" iIoreupnn thc eminent Shci
Mac c-mohanIncd ceased 10 speak, and th
young Ahu Heu-high-dad walked away
whistling a melancholy air of Arabia.
disaGrecnhlc man is one whose idc
OF fun differs from yours. Bosio,
Post
Gallagher named his dog "Hagbag
OF course, this maddened Mr.. Ragbag
vino lives next door. But he got even
Hc went and bought an ugly bull dog
which had lost both ears and one eye II
fights, md sported Il broken tail and ha
neas by the million, and he named th
dog "Gallagher-and-h his wife and-twC
cbildren-and-h d-his-mother-in-lnw.' An
then Gallagher got wild with rpge. Re
venge is sweet