The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1881-06-09
WHOLE NO. 2350.
FA0ETLE

Teacher-Has fire any genderP
Pupl-Yes, feminine. Teacher-What
makes you think 50? Pupil-BecaUse I
heard mamma ten papa not to hug the
fire.
Extract from g letter from Angelian:
''Dear Henry, YOU ask if I return your
love. Yes, Henry, I have no use for IL,
and return it with many thanks. By
by, Henry"
Sunday School Teacher (reprOvingly)
Boys do you kuoWwhat day this is 2''
Street BOy-'Hi, felersi here a cove
that don't know what this is! guess
he's been out all nightr'
A Cincinnati man found a rough
looking individual in his cellar. a'WhO
are you9'' he demanded. The gas man,
come to take the meter" was thereby.
''Great heayenr' cried the householder,
Il hoped you were only a burglar.
New York millionairesses about TO
start for Europe. They are Studying
not Murray and Baeddeker-oh, dear,
nO!-but Burke and Debrett, and taking
note Of all the unmarried peers. Clara
Won Deepenbeck. "What a pity they
don't publish their photographs az well
as their ages and titlesF
Mistress-'.As you've never been in
service Tn afraid I can't engage you
without a character. ~ Young Person
81 have three school board eertiH-
Gates, ma'am.n Mistress-"Oh, well,
I suppose for honesty, cleanliness-''
Young PersOu-'.NO, ma'am; for liter
atoor, Ogg'phy, an free and draw
rinr'
A country girl at q fashionable hotel
in New York noticed that all the guests
used their forks only in eating their pie.
Upon her return home she reported the
fact to the old lady, who eOmfOrted her
by yObserying; ''You shouldn't mind EN-.
Jemina; its all because they're too
tarnal lazy to use their knives.
Tableau Vivant-Bridegroom TO his
little sister-in-law at the breadast)-
''Weu, Julia (enfant terrible) ''Yes;
and ma said the other day to pa, she
didn't think he was much account
only It looked like Lottie's last chancer'
(Great clatter of knives, forks, and
spoOns)
s'See here, said a fault-fnding hus-
band to his wife, I'VE must have things
arranged in this house so that we shall
know where everything is kept. " ''With
all my heart, she sWeetly answered
s'and let US begin with our late hours, my
love; I should dearly like to know
where things are kept" He lets things
run on as usual
Enter Jones, the magnificent, with
stranger "a little surprise for you
Mrs. j. Let me introduce Mr.. Wig
gins, whom have persuaded to take
his chance, and come and try pot luck
with US; and I hope you won't starTs
him, hay, my lOYe?" Mrs. Jones
(eurtseying)- There's no fear Of that,
Mr.. Virgins. I got my husbands
telegram in time"
A fashionable Boston lady was unex-
pectedly left without a servant. She
undertook tOmake her husband cup
Of coffee, but it took so long he asked
what in the Halifax was the matter with
the coffee. II don't know, she said,
bursting into tears; I've boiled these
beans for a afull hour, and they are no
softer now then they were when I first
put them in the pot.
A thin old man with a rag-bag in his
hand was picking q number Of small
pieces of WhaIebOne which lay on the
street. The deposit was Of such a
nature that the quaint-lOoking
gatherer was asked how he supposed
they came there. Don't know" he
replied in a squeaking voice, f-bUt spec
some unfortunate female was wrecked
somewhere
Young Hopeful, age 6, who is showing
a visitor his book containing an alleged
Of a bird and q
'shOrse," A." as indicated in the words
the drawings; These are my.
worst drawings, Mr.. Smith Mr..
Smith: ':Indeed, Tommy! and where
are your other ones?" Young Hopeful:
''Oh, I haven't drawed them yet"