Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-01-28
Shameless Si,ans.

Thirty years ago the Sharp pen CT
Charles Dickens prickel The bubble OF
American titles, ani mado our militia
generals corner-grocery Judges
and wn.couacil "Lonorebles Jas ride
ulous Us our spittOons aud our dollar
aris.ocracy. Du: before the title nui-
sance could he quite laughed out of
existence the war tran sformed all our
people into soldiers, We know from
the official records that q million Of
high priyates eniietel on both sides
during the war; but The slaughte, was
terrible. and not a single soldier es-
cape1 alive. All the survivors are Off
GERS. and although perhaps few Of them
could show their commissions, they
take overy possible opportunity of air
ing their rank. In aristoc.atic couu-
tries their titles are hereditary; but in
this country they are infections.
Abroad, the son of lord becomes a
lordsbip when his father dies; but in
this free republic one title generates
another as fast as tiles in the sun.
When the head Of family becomes a
Judge or general. all the boys are dub.
bed colonies or majors or commodorcs,
so as TO keep up with the old geatle-
man. whose brother and brolLer.iu
law straight way confer Ga themselves
titles Of honor or distinction, il order
that the original Judge or general may
not eclipse them by the briliiancy of his
prefix. Thus 1t happens that this
democratic republic is nov inhabited
almost exclusively by men Of title,
.'eenerals," 'colouels,' and ma o-s"
are IS plentiful! as cranberries, and
every body out Of jait--and AeJDrity
insido-is considered an =" Hon"
The proposition that only thos. VINO
have Carnet! their titles should wear
them is self-lviiont. but while We may
discover rca! soldiers coAttnted to be
plain "Mr.' nov that they are mus
teget ont of service, wo see thousands
Of men, Nho 0re cii;HeLs in Tgr ard
soldiers III peace, strutiing about with
the military handles to their names.
These sodu-water "Co!onels,' I'll fzz
and cork, manage our theatt r., direct
our operas and run our circusee.
England sends lis a militia colonel TO
give lis Italian opera, and VIC ,ecipr@-
cate with an American ''c0lonel" OF
negro MINISTRIES. Military officer are
the landlords Of our hotels, "nGjor
mixes our drinks and "Squiio" AT
tends to the boot backing department.
Ali the editors who are not "Coloncls
arc Hons" To some Americans you
may be bold enough TO deny d prolim
mary title, but t. address anybody .
letter without the atliA OF 9 Esq" would
be regarded US u personal insult the
smaller the social position of the per
son addressed the greater the insult, of
course. Thus titles which, honestly
won and honestly worn, would do
equal honor to those who bear and
those who respect them, are cheapeued
by bogus limitations and become ludi-
crous instead Of distinguished. As
regular officers are most anxious to get
out OF uuiform and into multi rs soon
as they are of duty, so those who have
right 20 titles are beginning to discard
them while the bogus bearers flourish
moro obtrusively, like the raw
militia captain on the first training
day. We observe, also, au organized
system of self-promoticn among these
sham aristocrats. One parsonage,
whose card bore The proud but modest
title OF major five years ago, has just
returned from Europe full colonel,
although he has never seen service
since Bull Run. With steady devotion
to duty and a new card stamp, this
type of his class will become O general
by the time the next Newport season
opens. There are no "corporals," and
outside of the police, no "sergeants"
among our civil military heroes, all tho
non-commissioned titicers having
shared the sad fate Of tho privates dur.
ing TIE wei; ard. altl cugh Wo can
count our generals, "co,onels" aad
"maj ois" by the hundred, we do not
remember single lieutenant"
among our acquaintance outside Of
the regular army and navy. Why do
these minor titles remain unattached :?
eve cannot all be tailors." the
English nobleman remarked to Mr..
Poole. who complained of the "mixed
company and Americans ought to
have sense enough to know that We
cannot all be superior officers. The
visit OF General Grant to New York Of
fords each reader capital occasion to
reflect upon this bogus title nuisance,
and to resolve that, henceforward, in
his own case, and among his acquaint-
ances, he will steadfastly discourage
it. 1t is un-republican. un-Americar,
and unmanly; il renders us absurd at
hone and laugling-stock abroad; it
encourages petty vanity and snobbish
aflectation, and it should be so severely
punished 10y society, if not by law, as
any other form OF obtaining undeseryea
credit under false preteuses,- New
York Spirit Of the Times.
The House Of Commons is one of
the best ventilated halls in the king
dom. However great the crowd or
however long the sitting, the sir