Connecticut western news., 1881-05-25
WIT AND WISDOM.
THE girl in the apron is always tired. A SOUND investment-H Hiring brass

l IHE SHA III buo aPhoh Ao eAW"Jo OAA'
 A SOUND investment-Hiringa a brass band. .pI-, lsn=
 A MAN stung is often the result of a woman's tongue.
 A POOR fool is just as we'll off.as rich one-in his mind. "s-"4
 THEY'RE still on the hunt for oleomar- garine. Tallow ho l-HarJord Journal.
 THE men who are taking down the stovepipes have all got on their spring scots.
 INDIGESTION has comically been de- fined as 'the ingratitude of the stom- ach." .-..., .s-
 SINGULAR that when some men are feeling little nervous they fly to a stimulant to nerve us.
 A MAN in Ohio is trying to prove that poetry is disease. Ohio men are noted for securing easy jobs.
 WHEN a man regards himself as all sufficient the world is apt to think of him as insufficient.
 THE man who can't be angry is @ fool; the man who will not allow himself to be is wise. aa
 IT IS A vulgar habit to carry your hands in your pockets, but not so dis agreeable as to have them in some one else's pockets.
 IN Portugal widow cannot marry if she be over fifty years of age. Who ever heard of widow as old as that?
 FRENCH definition. Clarinet: An in~ strument which makes those who listen to it deaf, and those who play it blind.
 IT IS now believed that the oleomar- garine factories put hair in their goods, thus rendering it more difficult of detec- tion than ever. ...s r.
 i IN AN idiotic vein the McGregor Ne,Os asks, "What made Byron ?" to which the Modern Argo replies, Probably a Bulwer after him."
 "THE principle of the thing is what I care for," as creditor saidto debtor whose note he held, says the Webster Tunes. | A SdlOASO PdH0I Ouob d hAhu Who marries girl with good musical voice will have more cause for misery and jealousy than the one who marries for beauty. ....r .-4.- II THERE was an old maiden of Rome
 Who very much wanted home; So she asked her friend Harry If her he would marry Ha hushed and said SOIemnly tNO'm'IN |, A GREAT deal of the mean criticism of the world reminds us of the child who said, "Johnny, how greedy you are to take the largest apple in the pile; I wanted that for myself"
 IN THE matrimonial market some choose the man without the riches and others the riches without the man. In after life the former live in flower gar den and the latter in hothouse. A DRUM major isn't near so high in [ rank as a major general, but his uniform I is about 200 per cent the most gaudy, , and it isn't hard to guess which man the gazing maidens smile on. ae A NEVADA girls love-letter: "Dear F Jimmy, it's all up. We ain't going to , get married. Masays you're too rough, and I guess she's right. I'm sorry-but can't you go to Europe and get filed q down?" ....... ...-4-. v A YOUNG gentleman the other day ask !. ed young lady what she thought of the - married state in general. stNot know n ing, can't tell, was the reply; ''but y if you and were to put our heads
 together, could give you a definite
 answer"
 A CALIFORNIA paper scolds. loudly
 about women who pay dressmakers' :, bills with the money which ought to be }, purchasing home or paying for their s children's education, but has nothing to }. say in reproof of the spendthrifts who . never think of making their own coats tt and do not pay their own tallors' bills d either. . .... .......-- l. A GENTLEMAN, complaining of bad Il writing, says: "I have been much an :. noyed with the hieroglyphics that some \. people spatter over sheet of note pa u per, concluding with an irresolvable ;. enigma in the place of signature. If u compelled to reply to such letters, I cut out the signature, and gum it on the en- y velope, and address the writer as Cant l' read it, Esq" .n.
 WE have never seen finer bit of sar- :. casm than the following: A little Shel. byville boy, who is in the habit of saying o hls prayers before going to bed, the V other night asked his mother: "Mamma, ,a how long will it be before I'm big ; enough to quit saying my prayers N You never say yours, do youP" And the mother said: "Little boys shouldn't :. ask so many questions. Go to sleep, a my child"
 a A JUDGE and joking lawyer were con- d versing about the doctrine of the trans r. migration of the souls of men into ami. l. malls. "Now," said the judge, !" sup e pose you and I were turned into horse J. and an ass, which would you prefer tc st be?" "The ass, to be sure," replied
 the lawyer. Why" rejoined the
 judge. Because" was the reply, "1
 have heard of an ass being judge, but
 of horse-never." .-..,, .s.