Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-12-17
WIT AND WISDOM.


medicines after the saints. This IS be-
cause the saints soon get those who take
them.
NOTHING is prettier than the cards
announcing the birth OF q child ; and
yet an exchange mentions them as bawl
tickets.
ITHAs got so now that the daily pa
pers is gradually usurping the place OF
the sewing circle as dissemlnator OF
news.-LOtCeU Citizen.
GUTrEAU's recommendation of the
Washington boarding house which he
"beat" might be styled a new way OF
paying old debts.
THE Flathead Indians are praised be-
cause they saw wood for their wives.
But they did not get their name for any
such reason.
WHEN a man gives you his left hand
to shake, it is safe to infer that he has
done something with his right that he
is ashamed of.-Boston Courier.
SAYS Josh Billings: Il have finally
cum to the konclusion that the best
epitaff emmy man ken have, Tor all
practical purposes, is a good bank ac-
kount."
IT Is singular how men who cannot
obtain living from their own business
understand so well just how their neigh
bors' business should be conducted
Whitehall Times.
SCENE in an artist s studio: Customer
"You say that those figures are life
size? Ny dear sir, they seem very small.
Artist Perfectly correct, sir =; you
know life is short.
A MAN had better pass for a cent IN
the currency of his fellows and be worth
the money, than to go for dollar aud
be sold out finally at discount OF 99i
per cent.-iStubeaUiUe Herald.
UNDER the head of ''Short Stops"
Chicago paper tells how man stopped
in jail for three months. They haven .
much idea of time in Chicago.-Detroif
Free Press.
CoSJuRoRs astonish an audience by
taking rolls of ribbon from their mouths,
but then it is q common thing to see
carpenter take hammer and nails out
cf his chest. Boston Commercial But
letiJi.
WHEN a young man begins to feel his
brow frequently, to see II his BRAIN Is
growing too fast, it's good time to put
him at mauling rails. Otherwise he'll
get terrible case of swell-bead.-
Springfield (O.) Neacs.
THERE are people who will take the
sunny side of the street in summer ana
the shady side in winter to keep from
meeting a bill, and yet bill Is not
dangerous If you viii look it squarely
in the face.-Del lUeT Great West.
TALK about gossip. How could the
world dispense with it. A party OF men
on the backyard fence and a parcel OF
women around the tea table would fall
to sleep from innate stupidity If there ,
was no such thing as gossip --Ne.s
HdUen Register.
THERE are mean men IN this world,
and occasionally there is one In the
farming community who will set up
barrel on his back piazza, Just like
cider barrel, and let tramp skirmish
for two hours for it to get dark enough
for him to crawl up to it, and when he
gets at it find it filled with WATER
Boston Post
A wELL-KNowN newspaper man OF st.
Joseph, No., has applied for divorce
from his wife, alleging in his bill OF
complaint that he finds married life
and the newspaper business incompati-
BILE" IL divorces are to be granted on
this ground, the popularity OF journal
ism will increase with frightful rapidlty.
Chicago Tribune.
YES, Algernon, Heaven indeed tenn
pers the wind to the shorn lamb. But
then YOU must remember the lamb was
forcibly shorn against his will; he didn't
60 and deliberately pawn his ulster Tor
Sc. .65 when he knew perfectly well July
wasn't going to last all winter. TO TO-
Algernon, get thee to nunnery.-
Burlington Haa0keye.
The following is supposed to be the
oldest joke in the world:--During con-
ference of clergymen not far from Boston
the following dialogue was overheard
between two newsboys: 81 say, Jim,
what's the meaning of so many ministers
being here together ?" why,
answered Jim, scornfully, {" they always
meet once a year to exchange sermons
with each other"
A POET in a November magazine
asks: "When the true poet comes, how
shall We know him ?" Oh, you'll know
him. He may be distinguished from
the other fellows by the clean linen col
lar he wears and the absence OF tobacco
mice stains on his shirt front. And
also from the fact that he is too sensible
to fool away his time writing poetry
NOrriStOtCn Herald.
IT WAS q New England girl who
asked, "Why is it that two souls, mated
in the impenetrable mystery of their
| nativity, float by each other on the
ocean currents OF existence without
being instinctively drawn together,
blended and beautified In the assimilated
alembic of eternal love?" That Is an
easy one, It is because butter Is 40
cents pound and good seal-skln
sacaue costs as high as $500.
INA small German town an innkeep-
er. to get rid of book-peddler's impor-
tunities, bought an almanac from him,
and putting it in his pocket left the inn,
his wife Just then coming in to take his
place. The woman was then persuaded
/ to buy an almanac, not knowing that
her husband had one already. The
husband shortly returning and discov-
ering the trick, sent his porter to the
railway station after the peddier, with q
| Doaasa0a that he wished To see the latter