The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 18??-1882, 1881-11-25
BANKS BABIES.

i was QeUdlheu over SUNDAY In barns
bury, and on Sunday morning 1 re
solved to go to church. The. frs
church L came to, a small structure
with wooden steeple, had the doors
and and windows tightly shut, bu
there was man sitting on the from
steps whiting a stick, and said tc
him:
"Are you connected with this
churchY
Yes, he said, I'm the sexton
What is it closed for?'
We'll, mostly on account of Banks
babies
.Babies?'
sit down, and I'll tell you about it.
You know Banks, he came to this
town to live few weeks ago perfect
stranger, and he rented pew in this
church. 1t seems that Banks had three
little babies, triplets, not moren two
months old, and then, besides these, he
had twins about year old. So no.
body knew about the babies; but
Banks wanted to have the little darl-
ings baptized, and he allowed to Mrs.
Banks that to rush the whole five ba-
bies into church on Sunday might ex-
cite remark, you understand. So he
settled it that he'd have 'em christened
gradually, so to speak. Accordingly
the next Sunday he fetched little Jim
mie, one of the triplets, and all went
off well enough. On the followin
Sunday he come promenadin' up the
aisle with George Washington, another
triplet, and DIR. Binns, our preacher,
he fixed him up all right. People
thought it was queer. but when on the
next Sunday mornin' Banks and his
wife came into church with another
baby, William Henry, crying like a
Pawnee war-whoop. some of the folks
couldn't help snickering. Howsom-
dever, nobody complained, and all
might have been well if Banks hadn't
come along the Sunday after with
Elijah Hunsiker Banks, one of the
twins. Everybody laughed and Mr..
and Mrs. Banks were furious-mad as
anything, you uknow; and when Elijah
Hunsiker Banks hauled off accidently
with his hand and hit DR.. Binns-whO
was holding him during the ceremony
"a whack in the face, and the doctor
dropped him in the water, Mrs. Banks
turned red as fire and looked as if she
would like to murder somebody.
well, you know, we all thought this
was the last, and public feeling kinder
simmered down on toward the end of
the week, when who sh Ould come
booming up the aisle on Sunday MORN
ing but Mr.. and Mrs. Banks, with Te-
cumseh Aristotle Banks, the remainin'
twinl Well, you ought just to've
heard that congregation laugh! Inev-
er seen nothin' like it in all my
experience. Even DIR. Binns had to
smile And the Bankses, they were
perfectly wild with rage. Anyhow
they baptised Tecumseh; and after
meetin' some of the elders got to jokin'
about it. One said they'd have to ap-
ply to the town supervisors for an ex-
tension to the water works; another
allowed that arrangements ought to be
made to divert Hucklebelry creek and
run it down the middle aisle of the
church; another made SOME kind of a
joke about business being good because
so many Banks were in town; another
said that Banks would need about
twelve pews when his family grew up.
Somebody must have told Banks about
it, for what does he do to revenge him.
selfp He sends down to Clarion
county to his two sisters to come and
bring their children. So they had
couple of babies apiece, and as soon as
they arrived Banks he begins to bring
them to church gradually like the
others. You never seen such meetin's
as them! The church was jammed full
and the people just roarin', And
when Banks came in ON Sunday with
the fourth and last of his sisters ba-
bies, the trustees thought it was time
to interfere. Gettin' to bea farce, you
know. So Deacon Smith he stepped
up and said somethin' or other to
Banks, and Banks, quicker'n a wink,
laid down the baby and banged the
deacon with his fist. And so. dono
how it was, but In minute there was
Banks and Deacon Smith and Deacon
Hubbard, and Banks sisters baby and
me, all rollin' and a bumpin' over
the floor, hittin' and kickin' and
whoopin' in a manner that was ridicu-
lous to behold,
And when we all come to and got
Strengthened out, Banks picked up the
battered baby of his sister and quit,
and the trustees held an informal
meetin' and agreed to close the church
for a month SOS to kinder freeze
Banks out, and now we've shut up;
but / reckon it is no use, for l hear
Banks has got his back up and gone
over and joined the Baptists.".
So said good day to the sexton, and
went in search of another sanctuary.