The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1881-03-12
HOW TO OPEN A DOOR.
Why Mr.. and Mrs. Watkins Did Not Go to
the Opera.

! damp weather, and Mrs watkins had
complained to her worthy spouse that
"the doors in the house stuck exasper-
atingly whenever she tried to open them,
and requested that professional in the
use Of the saw and plane he called in at
once to remedy the evil.
"The house in new," Watkins said,
Hand these little things must be expect
ed. In few days the doors will work
all right again, and a carpenters bill
be saved. Practice little patience, my
DEAR" he added; "you know you are
very quick tempered, and if anything
does not work just as you wish it at the
first attempt, you become perfectly un-
reasonable. :"
Mrs. Watkins cast at her lord one
withering glance of scorn, but said nev-
er word. There was 4 peculiar set to
her lips which seemed to say: "Wait,
oh, man, until you try one of those
doors, and then We'll see where the pa
tience comes in."
They were to go to the opera next
evening, and Watkins sat reading his
paper in the sitting room, while his wife
was arraying herself in all her best fnery
in the bed chamber up stairs. Watkins,
man like, was call ready, with the ex-
ception of putting on his hat and glove. "
At last Mrs. Watkins was ready, and
proceeded toward the door to go down
stairs. She took hold of the knob,
turned it and pulled but the door stuck
tight at the top and would only open
little way at the bottom, to spring back
shut when she ceased to pull at it. Then
she thought of her husbands advice,
''have little patience SO she pulled
at it gently, but the door only kept up
its old trick of opening an inch or two
at the bottom to spring back when she
eased up.
"Now, amt this too mean !" she ex-
claimed, and then, happening to glance
at the clock whose hands pointed to
7 80, she took hold of the knob fercely
and gave it a sudden, very strong pull.
Rip! went her new cold gold" kid
gloves down the back; but the door still
stuck. There were tears in her eyes and
murder in her heart as she took hold of
the knob with both hands and braCed
herself for business. She pulled with all
her might, and the door gave little,
and then sprung back with such force
that it brought her on tip-toes. This
was repeated several times. With each
attempt the good lady became redder in
the face, and put more vim Gnto
her pulls Finally, as she threw her
whole strength into the effort, the door
suddenly swung open with her, with so
much force. that she fell back over a
chair and stood on her head in her new
duck of bonnet, which she had intend
ed should have been the cynoSure of all
female eyes on that eventful evening.
Watkins was startled in the midst
of an article on the reorganization Of
the party by q crash overhead and :
series Of shrieks that proclaimed either
burglar, a fire, ora mouse. Rushing
upstairs, three steps at time, and in
through the open door, he was met by
the sight of pair of colored stockings
wildly waving through the air. From
beneath this most appalling vision came
the shrieks. For moment Watkins
stood spellbound but only for mo-
ment. 1t became apparent to him that
an important member of his household
was in need of immediate reversal as to
her understanding. Without ado he
fastened to the rescue, and soon Mrs.
Watkins was seated in the chair which
had played such an important part in
her discontinue Between her sobS she
at last related the catastrophe which
had happened. At the end of a few
sentences of sympathy Watkins, foolish
man, could not resist the opportunity
to say: ''My dear, this only goes to
demonstrate the truth of what | told you
only yesterday about these very doors.
Had you but shown a little patience this
would not have happened" :" "Oh !!
you brute !" she cried, as the sobs again
became violent 81 would just like to
see some of your patience exhibited in
opening that door"
"My dear, you shall" the insane
man replied, as he proceeded to close
the cause Of the trouble. Having ac-
complished this part of the programme
he tutned to Mrs. Watkins to say; ga
door that sticks should always be firmly
taken hold of thus, and then, with
quick, strong pull, open it comes -
saying which he gave a quick strong
pull, and the door opened just few
inches at the bottom, and sprang shut
with such force thatit brought Watkins
head up against it with bang that could
be heard all over the house, and drove
his nose SO far back into his head that
he could hardly shut his mouth.
ooh, you won't, eh - he Kissed when
he recovered his breath; "we'll see if
you won't, my beauty"
Then he gave pull that would have
decided tug of war for the champion
ship; his hands slipped off the knob
and he turned a back somersault that
would have secured him an engagement
in the best circus going, and brought
up against the centre table with the back
of his head in way that made the stars
dance all around him.
He lay thus for moment, seemingly
endeavoring to make up his mind just
where he was the while Mrs. Watkins
was watching him in a dazed sort of
way.
He rose to his feet, and with wild
look in his eyes and certain unsteadi-
ness about his gait once more approach
ed the enemy. This time he took the
precaution to carefully wipe the perspir-
alton from his hands. He laid hold of
the fatal knob. He planted his feet
firmly about eighteen inches from the
door, and then first Strengthening up he
brought his body into the shape of
letter Vas he gave a pull that would have
shamed a carhorse. The door came
open as though struck by battering
ram it smote against the top of Wat