The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-01-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

Texas society Is agitated over the
question of whether or not the groom
at u wedding should wear his revolver
belt outside or inside his drcss-coat.
Some Indians use scalping knives Of
tortoise shell, probably on account of
the old fable, in which the tortoise
was alleged TO have got away with
the hare.
He never worked day in his life
and was Oh his DEATH bed. AS the
last breath left his body--as he was
too lazy to draw it himself-his faith
full wife sobbed forth: "Another
idle vanished"
There are people who will dig for
years in order to discover the bones of
hog that died two centuries ago,
all the while family with flesh on
their bones may be starving III the
next street.
"Shon," said a Dutchman, "you NAV
say what you please about pad neigh
bors; | have te worst neighbors as
never was. Mine pigs and mine hens
come home NIT dere ears split; and
fodder day two of them come home
missing"
A wit, speaking of an unpopular
author, said that he was color blind.
GLOW SO? What proof have you got
Of III" asked u friend. ale always
thinks his literary productions are
read, when they are not" was the re-
ply.
Mabel: Give us a cake, auntic.
know you've got one in your basket.
Auntie: Gan early riseD-No, dear,
they are roses I've been gathering, and
they wouldn't like being given to a
little girl who gets up SO late in the
morning. Mabel: Go on, auntie,
they wouldn't mind; they lays in
their bed all day, when they gets a
chance, and nobody don't pick them.
The timid woman who sees u hurri-
cane in every cloud no bigger than
mans hand, goes about greeting every
male passenger with the query, "Be
we the captain" AT last Providence
directs her to the right man. "Oh,
captain, is there going to be Il Storm"
81 guess so" says the wicked captain,
"looks kind Of black over there?"
80 Ii, captain, is thde--is there any
fear?" Lots, ma'am," says the cap
tain, winking to his subordinates,
"lots Of fear, but not bit of danger!"
"Ohw
She (whispering): "llush! Take
it, darling! Your own heart will
teach YOU to find out its use" He:
"Kind, thoughtful girl! Any dainty
is welcome in camp, and" She:
"Not word; papa is walking
Good-by." And he was gone. And
when he found she had given him u
cat in the basket he waXcd wroth,
for, alas his heart did not teach him
that when i'll camp he should hide
billet under its collar, and let it
loose, whereupon Tom would make
his way straight back to his mistress
all as they do in Holland, where the
cat is the lovers postman.
"Oh! | almost wish that something
would happen," she said to her group
of friends on one Of the ferry boats,
yesterday. "Since | learned to swim
have the utmost confidence in my
self, and | am not bit afraid of wa
ter.' "Can you swim?" asked several
at once. "Oh, yes. Eve been prac-
ticing for over a week, and l can
swim, dive, and float. You ladies
don't know how much enjoyment
there is in skimuling along the sur
face of the water Why, | feel per-
fectly at home there "And where
do you swim?' inquired one. "ln
the bath-tub, of course! Why, our
bath-tub is seven feet long and three
feet wide, and | can swim twice
around it without stopping! Oh! l
just wish we had puddle in the
back yard, I'd learn you all inside Of
a week |"