National Republican., 1881-05-10
IESSIE,S JINGLE.
DOnn Plat and HIS "Ons Eve Lamb y
RenIY.

To the Editor of THE REPUBLICAN:
And now am scared, since D. P.' was after me
in the CaptaE of last Sunday with that awful pen
of his and all because some friend mote quotation
marks ''given to damned good natured attentions
sent him an old copy of THE REPUBLICAN,, in which
appeared communication signed Jessie" agree
with Donn about the friend who sent him copy
of that particular REPUBLICAN. If he wanted 10
show Donn kindness, why couldn't he have sent
him some paper of later date? Such attentions as
the sending Of old newspapers to people are eX-
ceedingly disgusting, and should like 70 help
choke the particular friend who sent that partlcu-
lar paper to ID. F." myself. also wish to inform
that person, whoever he may be, that thousands of
people have been known to make large fortunes
by attending strictly their own business and not
sending old newspapers to people
SINCE d. P" MENTIONS IT,
do remember of sitting down in a desultory sort
of way one evening, ever so many weeks ago. with
pencil in my hand, and, somehow, got 10 prod
ding the journalistic animals with it in small
way, though with feeling of charity for ALL and
malice toward none" Being interrupted, | closed
the book, and left the unfinished article to slnmber
along side of other dead matter; but weeks later,
on coming across it. fms he'd it in fashion,
and sent it to THE REPUBLICAN, little thinking l
stirring up journalistic lion, who could throw
out one ponderOus paw and lay me out, Journalist
L
enjoying the writing of that article and of think
ing it an innocent sort OF amusement, which could
harm no one; but, since d. p thinks it shows the
PETTY SPITE OF \ WOMAN,
have changed my opinion materially, although
I can't just think what had 10 make me feel
spiteful toward D. P as henever had happened
to inure me ormy friends or to puncture any of my
pet ideas with his pungent pen. No, can't just
why should have been spiteful, especially as
have followed ID. P's' writings admiringly for the
past forty years (rising(. Il hope Dom is not sem
sitiye about his age well as his novel;. But as
was about to remark, have changed my mind in
regard to the article in question, and instead of
considering the writing of il an innocent amuSe-
ment, as did few weeks ago, which could injure
no one, Inow believe that his personal majesty,
in his tendish accoutrements ofhorns,
HooFS AND BARBED TAIL,
stood behind my chair and prompted and insti-
gated me while wrote that article; and if there
is anything more Donn wants me TO believe, if he
VIII send me word will believe it, too, altogether
regardless OF what it may be, upon the same prin
ciple that Ingersoll said he would have believed
in one God, forty, under certain circumstances,
if he had lived when thUmb-screwS were in fash
ion. Yes, remember me, in eOntrite spirit, 10
have said something 20 the effect that Donns
Boarding House " story wasn't the best thing he
ever wrote or of intimating that it was not the
very best novel ever written; but then did not
say it the worst novel ever written, and he
forgot to give Inc credit for that STILL such is the
way in this ungrateful world. We get blamed for
the
UNPLEASANT THINGS
we say, but never get particle of credit for the
unplea sGnt things might have said and didn't
III regard to my being woman, Dom, it IS not
generous to twit people on their misfortunes; and
the only excuse have to offer for this unfortunate
circumstance is that 1 really was given no choice
to the matter of sex. 1t does not seem just fair
but the first thing remember was little girl
and no help for it but to die, or grow up to be
woman. Great responsibilities i'll the way Of tax
ing Gaze of an assortment of rag and china and
wax babies made me feel the stern necessity for
living; though of course, had 1 known that
would some day be compelled to earn my daily
bread, to write for the newspapers, and be fatally
stabbed by the implement which is said to he
stronger than the sword, would gladly have
given up all, left my numerous progeny orphans
and gone TO be little taffy- headed angel.
"D.P.," WITH HIS NOVEL,
is like some mothers have seen, who have had
whole house full of splendid children, but among
them one inferiorand runty" one. The perfect
children are regarded as of comparative little con-
sequence and the imperfect one is set up as little
god to be worshipcd; so with DOnn's journalistic
chiIdren-he has set up the most imperfect as the
pet, and no one must suggest anything about cross
eye, or handy leg, or crooked back. Yet Donn has
never been considered as remarkably tender of
other peoples journalistic children. However,
there is an excuse for him which oUght to cover a
multitude of SINS it is that his liver is all wrong,
while his heart, it is to be hoped, is all right.
Then there is another reason why am inclined
to be charitable with Dom. 1 do not like to
hfrfi I.lyJIJ
novel l really believe it would be worse than
Donns Boarding House." and if it wasI certainly
would hunt down any one who criticised it, even
if it was small game and if l could hope for moth
ing better than u Thompson wave, instead of n
live scalp. JESSIE.