Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-09-15
PITH AND POINT.


Because it's peal on peal.
In some hats the cabbage leaf must
feel perfectly at home. Modern Argo.
THR Earl Of Fife has no match in all
England. That is, there is no Earl Of
Drum.
MAN is the picture, his clothes the
frame. The frame is often worth more
than fhe picture. -~
Why is Zulu belle like a prophet OF
old? Because she has not much on'er
II her Own country.
We asked one of our German fellow
citizens he knew how many tailors il
took to make man, and he answered
"Neinl"
Now is the time when even the poor
newspaper MAJ gets chance 10 handle
cool 'million--a cool Million
Teras SiftifpS.
SHE wears finest Diamonds and laees
And is worth half ion, they gay,
Her set socialstic embraces
hetashnon and wea IA ~ the dag:
HOs Face ir model Of beauty
Her praises sung DER and GER
But what arr her wealth aid her booty,
Wien afoghornCRnt equal her snore!
"ANY port in Storm" said Differs
when he partook of some wine in n
second-class saloon whore he had takeI
refuge from the elements.
A sATIRIcAL young lady perpetrates
this Com "When does young man
feel most down in the mouth? When
he Is trying to cultivate a moustache"
An Arkansas man rode 400 miles to
shoot the chap who cheated his father
in horse trade, Filial affection can
never die In tLis country. Detroit Free
Press.
THE London Times says that the orig
inal OF Dickens Fat Boy" was man
who lives at Budden, England. This
relieves the Hon. Alexander ii. Stephens
of considerable anxiety.-KdaSas City
Times.
GLUCOSE contains sulphuric acid.
Sulphuric acid is hot enough when ex.
cited to burn the insides ont OF marble
statue. Glucose is largely used in the
manufacture of lnger beer. Acid deuced
sweet reflection to come stealing like n
summer dream over man as he aaaffs
his foaming beverage, isn't it?-Free
Press.
WILLIAM, my dear, win You kindly
explain 10 your poor, ignorant little wife
what difference there is, If any, between
'deport' ana transport with pleas
ure, my lowell AheDl, let me see. Oil
III your mother, for instance, were to
commit a felony and be convicted she
would be deported and / should be
transported-see ?"
DIALOGUE between the doctor and his
patient: "Wcll, doctor, now that you
have thoroughly diagnosed my case.
what do YOU think about it, candituyY
Does there seem to be any danger To
you?" "Nno, not the slightest, but
"But? don't understand you.
"There is not the slightest danger to
me, personally, from your illness; | wish
| could say as much for you'll"
EMILE GIRARDIS, the great French
Journalist, used to rise at o'clock ey-
cry morning. And now he is dead. Ii is
sad, sad lesson but lei US not forget
| its warming. Let lis lay our hands on our
respective hearts and say that, rather than
initiate his fuult, il it isnec ssary tor us to
be up at a. M, We will sit up to it. To
rise at it--this il too, too; ii is too strict
ly too. Burtjngtoa Hapkcge.
"PnAg tell me, Tre;ty rural maid,
Why you cary tor!h have ttrs;csif
Why gaze Non down the western Ky
W.th gfaetful pore and eager eye2
Ant tai king 81 The wCn8rauB ace
Nv Nt here and uirtsht juiplng-on Itace;
Or are gon hooking r the ne
You kun dear. II 'lttth Tie amy
Tel me Alaf great attract u ies
within the range II these trisht eyes7-
Ths naideu giinnel u heauieaus arln
Her teeth picstd with q. uksd pin,
Aud said: UT ti0t 10 sch tGfg
As that aig song you've trrd % sing;
I lIaiA get any bean, noAow
I'm iSoki0 tir anr b-1nc,o GOVT"
M QHad
A CAN OF baked beans exploded in
Paterson, n. Y, demolishing range
and frcscoing the walls. When the
representative Of Boston culture acts that
way it is time 10 PROFOUND the new con-
undrum, "W,iiaar are we drlfting?"
The Fenians should he watched, or they
will conceal a number of these internal
machines ~ out going English vessels
NorTiSt0pa Herdtd.
"WHAT beautiful blscnit these are.
Selne Of your own making, I'll be bound
Miss Fitzjoy, snid young Eyre mont o
the table. " Y-e-e-s. 1t was almoft my
first attempt" was the reply. 'Oh--h
hi spoke mp the little tot at the lower
end Of tire table .4Your -histit all burned
up an mamma sent me 10 the tore
for these" OF course, Miss Fitzjcy
knew nothing about this. HdUen
Register.
What an Albany Man Said.
One of the lumber dealers in this
State had for three years been supplying
dealer at Albany. For the frs, VI r
everything went well, but at length tho
Albany man began TO complain. He
found shortage and culls in every car
load sent him and demanded discounts
therefor, and it was impossible to please
him. No matter how carefully lumber
and shingles were culled and billed
lIere, he was sure TO write back that
they were not up to the standard. A
carload OF star" shingles was sent
him. The "star shingle beats any
thing made in the country, and they
know it at Albany rs well as in Michi-
gan, but as soon "a the car arrived the
dealer replied that he really must pro.
test. Tie shingles were hardly "c.ear
butts, and he could not unload the cur
until assured of q discount os % cents
per 1000.
The Miehigander had suffered long,
but the end was nigh. He had inspect
ed every bunch If shingles on that car,
and he made up his mind to go to Al
| baliy and inspect them over again. The
dealer there had never seen him, and the
Wolverine walked into his office az a
woald-be purchaser OF some extra-fine
shingles.
"I've got exactly what Won want,
promptly replied the Albanian. I've
got carload Of Michigan stars out
here which lay over shy shingles you
ever SAW"
g Are they all perfect ?"
9 Every one oil them.
g No cuils in the center Of the bunch
esq"
".I'n Get every Gull you find. got
them from a Michigauder who is as
straight rs the Ten Commandments.
aLd BE- has never yet sent Inc a stick If
second class stuff. Come and see en-"
the Wolverine quietly pulled out his
business card and lad IT Oh the desk.
The dealer tr'ok mp. re d tine name.
and sat down On "a s,'-. With a gneer
feeling in his knees.
There was "A awful silence as they
/ glaTea at each other, sid il was q iull
minute before the ylctl1a slowly extend
ed his hand and llnnrseiy whispered:
q Did you ever SEE = man make such
an internal ass Of himself? Shake -
!. DetyaoIt Free Press.
AFTER all the talk Of scholars, there
are but' two sorts q Governmemt-oa
where men show their teeth a. each
,fhar and ono xuhera ,ns.r, hon, 4l,.t.