New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1881-07-27
WHOLE NUMBER 1876.
HUrOR.

5. Homely women look tho best in big
hats. We state this in the hope of See
ing only small hats at the theaters.-
New York Cryptic.
Chang, the Chinese giant, is not lazy,
perhaps, but he lies longer in bed than
any other man in this country. Nor
,Sst0son Herald.
A naturalist has discovered that
monkeys may be taught to dance.
This brings the natural animal only ono
step nearer the society man.
''Gracious, wife, said a fond father,
rs he looked at his son Williams torn
trowsers, ''get that little Bill reseated!"
and she replied, ''Sew I WILL
Mrs. FERGUSON is thrifty soul. She
uses no indigo in her washing. She
always hangs her clothes out of q windy
day and the wind blews them.
When you kiss q Boston girl she
holds still until you are through, when
she flares up all at once and says: 81
think you should be ashamed!''
Europe has thus received an old song,
OF which the tune is familiar: 1--WE bet
our money upon La Belle France, will
anybody bet on the Bey!''
Troy boasts of q citizen who had his
hair cut, his photograph taken, was
measured for suit Of clothes, and had
tooth extracted all in one day without
saying mill-dam.
The following advertisement appeared
lately in q provincial paper: '.Wanted,
q man and his wife to look after a farm.
and q dairy with religious turn of
mind without REMEMBRANCE
Remember who you are talking to,
sir" said an indignant parent to q frac-
tlous boy; II am your father" ''Well.
who's to blame for that?" said the
young impertinence. :. 'Tain't me-"
':The ripest peach is on the highest
tree" says James Riley. James shows
his ignorance. The ripest peach is in
the bottom layer of the basket every
time, and it is generally about nine
shades too ripe.
A Whitehall chap, dressed in his best
clothes and lavender pants, was on his
way to see his sweetheart, when an old
bell-wether went for him and butted
him head over heels into mud-puddle.
His visit was postponed on account of
tho wether.
Il want to be anInjun !
And with the Injuns stand,
A blanket on my shoulders
And g rifle in my hand.
without lick of work to do
Throughout the livelOng year,
But draw my rations and make SQUAT
Ters skip on on their ear.
l-NEw ORLEANS TINES.
New York Commercial: Won't some
chemist invent q face powder that does
not contain lead and tastes good? Our
young men are all dying Of lead pois-
oning, and kissing is going out of fash
ion.
Lolita Darling is q clairvoyant at
Lawrence, Mass, but her second sight
was not strong enough to discern the
approach of her husband while another
man was kissing her, or fight might
have been prevented.
Washington Capital: Emma Abbott
was a great admirer of Byron; but last
week, when she read in ..Beppo'' the
words of Lord George: Ihate q dumpv
she threw the volume into the
fire, and wept bitterly.''
Norristown Herald: A magazine ar
ticle asks: ':Have women intuitions?"
That depends. If intuitions are fash.
ionable this year, and cost from ten to
fifty dollars. it is safe to wager that q
great many women have them.
italian women are said to- be at
work in mems clothes on the railroad
near Phgnicia, Ulster county, New
York" This is nothing. There are
thousands of women at work in mems
clothes. It is done while their hus-
bands are asleep.
Over the signature of an Indianapolis
woman appears the following: '.Now,
l give fair warning that will carry
with me. the next time I 60 out after
dark, q bottle of vitriol, and the first
who addresses me as sSweety'
or Beauty WIN catch it right in the
eyes,"