The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1881-02-24
Terrible Smell on the Cars.

Terrible Smell on the Cars.
Mr.. Eppenetus Hoyt, Of Fond du
Lac, went to Chicago on a visit. Mr..
Hoyt knew young man named Johnnie
Darling, who was attending Rush Medi-
cal College, and through him was per-
mitted to visit the dissecting groom. Mr..
Hoyt was introduced to number Of
the wicked young men who were carving
the late lamented, and, after he got ac-
customed to the climate, he rather en-
joyed the performance Whether young
Mr.. Darling told the boys that Mr..
Hoyt was fresh . or not will, perhaps,
never be known, but, as Nj. Hoyt passed
around among the slabs where they were
at work, each made a contribution from
the corpse he was at work on to Mr..
Hoyt's coat pockets, unbeknown to him.
While one was calling his attention to
limb that he was dissecting, another
would cut off an ear, or q finger, or a
nose, or dig out an eye, and drop the
same into Mr.. Hoyt's overcoat pockets.
Finally he bid the boys good-by, thanked
them for their courtesies il showing
him around, skipped for the train and
got on board. The seats were all occu-
pied, and middle-aged lady, with slim
face and spectacles, and evidently al
old maid, allowed hi1o to sit beside her.
The car was warm, and it was not long
before the remains began to be heard
from. He was talking with the lady
when he smelled something. The lady
had been smelling it for some miles
back, and she had got her eye on Mr..
Hoyt, and had put her handkerchief to
her nose. He took long breath and
said to the lady: -
ssThe air seems sort of fixed here in
the car, does it not ?" and he looked up
at the transom. .
"Yes,' said the lady, as she turned
pale, and asked him to let her out Of the
seat, s. it is very much fixed, and I be-
ieve you are the man that fired it,"
and she took her sachel and went to the
rear of the car, where she glared at him
as though he was fat-rendering estab-
ishment. Mr.. Hoyt devoted few mo-
ments to silent prayer and then his at.
tention was called to new-married
couple in the seat ahead Of him. They
had been having their heads close to-
gether, when suddenly the bride said :
sssHennery, have you been drinking p"
He vowed by all that was great and glo-
rious that he had not, when she told him
that there was something about his
breath that reminded her of strong
drink OF packing house. He allowed
that it was not him, but admitted that
he had noticed there was something
wrong, though he didn't know but it
was some OF her teeth that needed filing.
They were both mad at the insinuations
Of the other, and the bride leaned on the
window and cried, while the groom
looked the other way and acted cross.
Mr.. Hoyt was very much annoyed at the
smell, and made up his mind It was his
duty to speak to the groom about it. SO
he introduced himself and told the
groom he ought to do something to cure
those feet of his. The groom looked at
him Indignantly, but Mr.. Hoyt contin-
ued: i
"You may think it will wear off, but
it won't. knew o man in Fond du Lac
| whose feet perspired as bad as yours,
and it was almost impossible to stay in a
room with him. He had to sleep with
| his feet out the window, and the neigh
| bors complained to the health officers.
| One day he
At this point the bridegroom called
lis wife, and they Indignantly left the
car. Mr.. Hoyt was annoyed. The
smell remained, and people all around
him got up and went to the forward end
of the car, Or to the rear, and there were
/. dozen empty seats when the conductor
came in, and lots Of people standing up.
The conductor got one sniff and said :
"Whoever has got that piece Of Linn
| berg cheese in his pocket will have to &c
in the emigrant car. They all looked
at Hoyt, and the conductor went up tc
| him and asked him if he didn't know
any better than to be carrying around
such cheese as that. Hoyt said he
hadn't got no cheese. The conductor
insisted that he had, and told him te
turn his pockets wrong side out. Hoy
jabbed his hands into his pockets, anl
felt something cold and clammy. h
drew his hands out empty, turned pale
and said he didn't have any cheese
The conductor insisted on his feeling
again, and he brought to the surface {
couple of human ears, u finger and {
thumb.
i What in the name Of the apostle,
udt0 JOu SOo t1ACAOs SuyC oAiC OOIlAeiSUOA
"Do you belong to any canning estab
ishment that sends canned missionar,
to the heather cannibals ?" Hoyt told
the conductor to come in the baggage
car and he would explain all; and as h
| passed by the passengers, with boil
hands full Of the remains, the passenger
were ready to lynch Hoyt. He told tn
conductor where he had been, and tn
boys had played it on him, and th
fingers and things were thrown besid
the track. Afterward Hoyt went in th
car and tried to apologize to the oil
maid, but she said if he didn't go ava
from her she would scream. Hoyt woul
always rather go away than have a wona
scream. He is trying to think Of som
way to get even with the boys at Bus
Medical College. Pech's San.
Not Impromptn.
4 The day after Senator HaYne of Sout