davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1881-07-09
KIENG

q ~ ~ ~ ISA&269
WHO MAY BE SUFFERING FROM
w the effects of youthful follies and in
discretion, will do well to avail themselves OF
this, the greatest boon ever laid at the altar o.
suffering humanity. DR. SP1NNEY will
guarantee 10 forfeit $500 for every case of Sem,
inal Weakness or private disease of any KIND
or character which he undertakes and fails t.
cure
MIDDLE-AGED MEN
There are many at the age of thirty to sixty
who are troubled with too frequent eyacuations
of the Bladder, often accompanied by slight
smarting OF burning sensation, and weaken
ing of the system in a manner the patient can
t account for On examining the urinary
deposits a ropy sediment will often be found,
and sometimes small particles of albumen will
appear, or the color will be of a thin mllEis.
hue, aga;n cu.ng,ng to a dark ana torpid ap-
pearance. There are many who die OF this
difficulty ignorant of the cause. which Is the
second stage of seminal weakness. DIR: SPIN
ney will guarantee perfect cure in all suci
cases, and healthy restoration OF the genIto-
urinary organs.
OFFICE rOURs.-l0 to 4, and to 8. Sun
days from 10 to II A. N. Consultation free
Thorough examination and advice, 50.
Call or address,
, 1881-07-09


Passed the Council june 3D. 1881 c-,
Api'0'e1 A JAMES McAULIFF. Mayor.
, 1881-07-09

PITCHER'SCASTORIAisnOt
Narcotic. Children grow fat
upon, Mothers like, and Physi-
clans recommend CASTORIA.
1t regulates the Bowels, cures
Wind Collie, allays Feverishness,
and destroys Worms.
, 1881-07-09
MIDDLE-AGED MEN
THE GREATENGLISH REMEDY

Is a never-failing curt
for Nervous Debility
Ex hausted Vitality,
S e minal Weakness,
Spermatorrhea, Lost
Man Hood, Impoten
cy, Paralysis, and all
the terrible effects oi
Self Abuse, youthful
follies, and excesses
IN pnat,,rar xraars
, 1881-07-09
DIR. SPlNNEY,

No. II. Kearney ST.. San Francisco.
Treats all Special and Chronic
Diseases.
, 1881-07-09

Passed the Conncil June %, 1881.
LEF. A. SHAW, Clerl
JAMES NcAULIFF, Mayor.
, 1881-07-09
NORTH THIRD STREET ASSESSMENT.

Passed the Council June %, 1881.
l.. +. A. SHAW, Clerk.
, 1881-07-09

WASHINGTON, July 2-There is the
ory which has many adherents that the
attempted assassination was not the work
Of lunatics but the result of plot much
deeper and darker than has been sus-
peeled. 1t u stated in support of this
heurr thnk 0uittsan arrived hefoeohand
, 1881-07-09
The Feeling In New York.

New YORK, July 3--At the sub-treas-
ury and custom house there is grest con-
Germ, and messages are constantly flying
giving intelligence Collector Merritt is
much aeitated and remarked, when asked
as to the political signiheance Of the
event. aWhen Garfield dies. Arthur is
president. The mayor had the flag. at
half mast early, but took them down .heh
he learned the preaident was nN dead
, 1881-07-09

u3d
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

A certain infidel, who was black
smith, was in the habit, when Christ
ian man came to his shop, of asking
some one of the workmen If they had
ever heard about Brother So-and-so, and
what they he'd done? They would say
no, what was it? Then he would begin
and tell what some Chris tian brother or
deacon or minister had done, and then
laugh and say "That is one of their
fine Christians we hear SO much about. Z"
An old gentleman, deacon, one day
went into the shop, and the infidel soon
began about what some Christians had
done, and seemed to have good time
over it. The old deacon stood few
moments and listened, and then quickly
asked the infidel if he had read the story
in the Bible about the rich man and
Lazarus ? Eyes, many time, and
what of it?" "Well, you remember
about the dogs-1how they came and
licked the sores of Lazarus 2" Yes,
and what of that?" "Well," said the
deacon, edo you know you just remind
me of those dogs, content merely to lick
the Christians sores" The blacksmith
grew suddenly pensive, and hasn't had
m UGH to say about failing Christians
aimee
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

CHICAGO has an elopement case in
which the enamored pair, being him
dered in their departure by the woman 8
husband, gave him dreadful whipping
and threw him out of window. A man
-eloped at Cayuga, N. Y, and with some
difficulty induced clergyman to marry
him to his companion. On the follow
ing day he came with another girl and
wanted to be united to her. He has
since been sent to the insane asyl UNI
The bride in Lakeville (Ct.) elope-
ment was only 49, A couple at Litch-
field, Mimi, walked twenty-five miles
before they found qualified person
who would perform the ceremony. The
white, educated wife of rich man, at
Amboy, ILL.,. eloped with a handsome
mulatto servant of about half her own
age. An clipping couple at What Cheer,
Wis, being caught in severe storm,
broke into church for lodging and
were fined 500
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22
A Tiendish JOKE.

think" said well-known orches-
trail leader, "the best Joke ever played
in this town was ON an ambitious anna
teur pianist when Gottschalk was here.
The amateurs father was the owner of
large hall, and he offered the use of it
to Gottschalk for his benefit. There
was TO be place for eight pianos, ai;i..
the amateur was to play one OF the in
struments. was leader. thought
Gottschalk would have fit when told
him that the amateur couldn't play three
straight notes of the piece.
go He is sure to throw us all out, said
/, 'and ruin the performance.
"Gottschalk swore like Major, but
twas no good. The bills were out, and
he couldn't go back of his programme,
even if the gift of the hall for the night
was no consideration to him. At last
hit on an idea that fixed the whole bust
ness. The amateur came down to re-
hearsal, and we praised him up until he
thought he was to be the star of the
night. AS soon as he left we took tho
hammers out of his piano and made it
dumb as an oyster. guessed he would
never know the difference, with seven
pianos going at once"
The tuneful convention laughed.
"And just as 1 thought" said the
leader, hammering on tho table with his
glass, "that amateur or his friends never
discovered the trick"
"No?"
"No, sir; he just sailed in and
pounded on that piano and if it was the
worst enemy he ever had. He was bound
to show off among so many good plan
lists, and hammered on his keyboard un-
til the perspiration nearly blinded him.
Now and then looked at him approx
ingly to give him fresh courage, and
every time that did he gave tile piano
lick that nearly made matchwood of
il. His friends all around threw bou-
quets at him till he looked like we'd
ding arch, and when twas all over his
fond parent fell on his neck IN the green
room and slipped check for $3.50 into
his hand. The old man didn't know
whether he was standing on his head or
his heels, he was SO tickled, and the
way he set up the wine for the crowd
was caution.
"'Didn't he do fine, said he to me,
among SO many first-class professionals,
too?'
"I never heard on amateur do so we'll
in public, said Land what's more meant
it, ell Don't you think was rlght?"
San Francisco Chronicle.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

A CURIOUS story comes from Middle
town, Y. A Miss Cole, q maiden lady
of that place, some II years ago swal-
lowed set of false teeth, which had be-
come loosened from the rubber plate.
She was, of course, greatly concerned,
but, as she felt no serious effects, the
alarm wore off, and the event had, in
the years, been almost forgotten. Anew
days ago the lady felt sharp pain near
her left shoulder, and, upon examining
the spot, found what appeared like a
wen under the skin. With the aud of a
penknife she extracted hard sub
stance, which proved to be tooth.
During the past few days the lady has
been cutting teeth all over her body,
and had, Mt last accounts, recovered
twelve of the fourteen teeth that had
formerly constituted her full set. She
is anxiously awaiting the arrival OF the
other two.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

The Louisville Courier-J0urnal re-
lates the following strange occurrence {:
A most extraordinary natural accident,
and one for the discussion of physicians,
came to light few days ago, in which q
needle taken into the foot of lady nine
years ago worked out of the thigh of
her third child-a baby of year. The
lady in question is the wife of Mr.. Harry
Isaacs, the cigarmaker, who lives on
Market street, near Wenzel At the time
of the accident Mrs. Isaacs was unmar-
ried, and was then Miss Pauline Coblens.
The needle was encountered in carpet
and penetrated her foot the whole length.
A physician was called in Immediately,
but the needle could not be found, al
though it was known to be in the foot.
She suffered great pain, and for four
months was unable to leave her bed. At
length she was able to get about with
the aid of crutches, but she continued to
suffer from the needle. The pain de-
creased gradually from the time she was
able to get about and she regained her
former heshiness. About five years ago
she was married to Mr.. Harry Isaacs.
On Monday n week ago her baby, who
had since its birth manifested kindly
disposition, was very restless and cried
increasingly all night. The cause of the
child's ailment was not discovered until
the following morning, when in giving
it bath the mother discovered some
thing black protruding through the skin
of the child's thigh. She caught hold
of it, and was frightened when she found
the thing of resisting substance. She,
however, used a little force and soon
extracted the dark object. Imagine her
surprise when she found it was needle,
black and corroded. The eye broke off
in her hand while examining it. The
recollection of the needle, which had
caused her much pain, came wildly be-
fore the mother, and she felt keenly for
her child. The remembrance of her
relief from the pain also forced itself on
the mother, and the connection of the
two served as clew as to how the needle
came to be in the child's thigh.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22
Mr.. SECRETARY HUNTS bowed himself

MIR. SECRETARY Hunts howed himself
determined to enforce discipline, whom
soever might be hurt thereby, quite
early in his career as Secretary of the
Navy. He has son in the navy, Ridge
ley Hunt, named for his mothers father,
Commodore Ridgeley. The young man
has been on three years cruise on the
Alaska in Asiatic waters. The ship
reached San Francisco on her homeward
voyage about the time Judge Hunt was
made Secretary of the Navy, and his
son, hearing of his fathers appointment,
jumped to the conclusion that he would
be specially favored, so telegraphed for
permission to come to Washington by
rail direct instead of going with his ship,
which was ordered to Panama, where
the officers were to be changed, and
coming home by sea on the ship which
takes the officers who are to relieve
them. Young Hunt was considerably
surprised, probably, when his father,
the Secretary of the Navy, instead OF
granting his request, telegraphed him
briefly to stick by his ship and go where
it was ordered until relieved with the
other officers.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

IT is interesting to recall the fact that
the section of the constitution giving
the Senate share in the appointing
power, by requiring its confirmation o
a nomination for the completion of the
appointing act begun by the President,
was not adopted until after long de-
bate. 1t Was in fact sort of compro-
mise between the delegates who wanted
to exclude the Senate entirely from all
voice in the matter of selecting public
officers and those who desired to give
that body restricted appointing power
independent of the President. In the
first draft of the constitution, says Story,
the power was given to the President to
appoint officers in all cases not otheri
wise provided for by the constitution,
and the advice and consent of the Sen
ate was not required but in the same
draft the power to appoint Ambassadors
and Judges of the Supreme Court was
given to the Senate. The arrangement
finally adopted was reported by COM
mittee Us an amendment.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

of one placeby that name, which.isa sea-
port in Georgia. Hailing vessel bound
that way, he put his patient aboard.
Mr.. Stanwood came to his senses to find
himself in the almshouse ut Brunswick,
Ga, where he had been kept as an in
sane vagrant for several weeks. He inn
mediately communicated with his friends
in Brunswick, Me-, and by this time it
undoubtedly with them. If there isn's
material here for first-class novel, then
the imagination can supply it.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22
She Saw Him a Few Better.

The public has long conceded that
the power of the hotel clerk Is superior
to that of President. A new rival has
sprung up in the railroad ticket agent
CT want a ticket to B" said a
well-known lady of an Iowa town, just
before train.
agent, working his sausage machine.
She laid down silver quarter. Being
well acquainted and practical joker,
the agen. drew from his pocket glitter
ing pants button, passed it over with the
ticket and scooped up the quarter.
Is this legal tender ?" asked the lady
quietly.
"Oh, yes" he answered with mock
gravity, they are the mainstay of the
republic"
She pocketed it and got aboard, leav-
ing the agents face coruscating with
smiles.
A few days after he told it to brigade
ofrunners buying tickets for B, and,
while he was enjoying the encore, the
lady appeared with
"Ticket for B, please"
"Twenty-four cents" with q sly wink
ut therunners. He laid down the ticket.
She scooped it and laid down twenty
four dazzling pants buttons, exactly like
the first.
"You said they were legal tender.
They go long way in supporting the
family" she chirped sweetly, as she
bowed from the presence of more than
Presidential provocative.
Then he set EN- up to the brigade
OF enlightened runners. = Cleveland
Leader.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

CYSTIC speeches by the Senators In their support.
A big crowd il expected TO be present.
The manual for 1881 IL out ut last, and the
first instslment WAS distributed yesterday. 1t
Is very fine took of $50 pages, in size and
style OF binding (red morocco similar TO the
one OF 1879, Tut has fifty pages less, though
owing u the difference In paper IL appears AT
east 100 pages less. IL is like its predecessor
a whole library of itself, and will be in demand,
but three times az many are being printed AZ in
any previous year, the new law OF 10 provid-
ing th2t 1000 copies shall he placed on sale at
the Office Of the Secretary of Stste, at the cost
price, which will not probably exceed sl.25-
possibly Less. OBSERVER.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22
How He Was Identified.

Uncle Nose met very dandified
Houston darby, who used to live in Gal
weston, ON Galveston avenue, and who
said in a very dignitied manner
"How do you enjoy dis balmy we'd
der, sah?"
81 don't know you, sab. You has me
at disadvantage, responded Nose.
"You cussed ole bow-legged, lantern
jawed gorilla, yer is de same ole mutton
headed baboon yer alters was"
"Now knows yer. As soon ~ yer
quit talkin' like q gemman 1 knowed
yer right off," and they embraced like
Butcher and Wellington on the field oi
Waterloo. NeiDs.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

A press dispatch from Omaha an
nounced that n company of infantry had
met q party of Indians and were "an
scalped." 1t should have read "all es-
capped AN important difference not
only to the company, but to their friends
who were to read the dispatch, said Mr..
Simonton. 1--WE killed deaf mule, -
an operator read dispatch ordering ar
judgements for the reception of dead
body, which should have been "deaf
mute" "Send 10000 shingles like this
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22
An Astronomers Opinion.

The celebrated English astronomer,
Richard A. Proctor, has been giving an
opinion whick, if based ON correct con-
illusions, is startling one In reference
to the comet of 1860. In his view, trou-
BILE of serious character to our earth
impends. 1t is alleged that the comets
return has been reduced from 175 to
thirty-seven years, and that it will APP
pear again In about seventeen years,
with improbability of being absorbed by
the sun. 1t is intimated that Sir Isaac
Newton entertained the same opinion,
and predicted future trouble from this
source. As the comet nears the sun its
velocity is increased. Its present veloc-
ity is estimated at 800 miles second,
and it is thought the danger lies, mot
from absorption of so much matter as
may exist in that comets head and nu-
cleus, but from the conversion of the
momentum of the swiftly revolving mass
Of the comet into heat, the thermal
equivalent of its mechanical energy"
Mr.. Proctor says al have for my
own part been long of opinion that the
periodical increase of such stars as Mira
(the wonderful starr in the Whale, and
Eta of the ship Argo, is due to the mo-
ton of some large comet followed by
meteoric train about these two stars. If
ever the day is to come when the heavens
shall dissolve with fervent heat, the
cause of the catastrophe will be the
downfall Of some great comet on the
SUM-" He asserts it is his opinion that
the comet referred to will certainly be
absorbed by the sun, and claims that,
cas- its period is diminishing rapidly"
it may fall into the sun "at an early
date, with the alarming Immediate re-
suit that call the higher forms of life at
least, both animal and vegetable, will be
destroyed off the surface of the earth.
And, though in few days the sun
might resume his ordinary luster, and
no longer glow with abnormal heat, he
would pour his rays on a family OF
worlds in which not one of the higher
forms of either vegetable or animal life
would remain in existence" 1t remains
for some other astronomers of equal
ability to confirm or dispute the theories
of Mr.. Proctor. He may be more sci
entihc, though no more reliable, than
the bogus Mother Shipton," whose
world-renowned representation,
The world to an end will como
In eighteen hundred and eighty-one,
has driven some weak-minded persons of
slender, enfeebled faith, crazy.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

enc" wrote Williamsport lumberman
on o shingle. He evidently thought
that particular shingle would go by tele-
graph and be delivered to his CORE
spondent for a sample of what he
wanted. A young couple on their we'd
ding-trip were met ut the depot by
friends clad in mourning, with a hearse,
because an operator had sent the word
"hearse instead of "horse." A dis
patch from Queensland said Gov.
Kennedy had "turned the first
sod" ON some important work, but
the operator gave the message to the
London newspapers Governor of
Queensland, twins, first son." and the
London Times gravely remarked that
Lady Kennedy had been safely deliv-
cred of twins, of which the eldest was u
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

A CURIOUS case of adventure is report
teacher from that town was visiting the
sea shore last fall, and went out fishing
alone. A storm came up and blew his
boat far out to sea, tore off the masts
and sails, .and left him, helpless, out of
sight of land. He finally became I'M
conscious from hunger and thirst, and,
while in that cond ton, was picked up
by vessel. An attack of brain fever
followed, viii h resulted in alteration of
mind. The master of the vessel searched
his clothing and discovered that the
name of his patient was Stauw God, and
his residence Brunswick. He only knew
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

JOHN BRApFoRD, Caleb s. Phelps and
Luther Payson, three sportsmen, drove
from Anderson, Ind, to good ducking
point on the White river, seven miles
from town. The hunters hid in field
near the river bank and waited for game.
A flock of ducks soon appeared, and the
men agreed in whispers to fire simulta-
neously. So absorbed were the sports
men that they failed to see a wild bull,
just from the banks of the Rio Grande,
approach, with nose in air, and curiously
eye them from his position on neigh
boring hillock. The flock flew within
range, and three guns were discharged
at the same instant. The bull, accept
ing the noise of the guns as challenge,
beloved furiously and charged down.
hill, while the hunters ran toward the
river at the top of their speed. Payson
and Bradford were so feet of foot that
they distanced their companion and
escaped by running into the water waist
deep. Phelps saw that the mad animal
was upon him, and he was about to come
to bay when tall, hollow stump pre-
sented itself Into the stump he leaped
and crouched down. Just as he got
inside. the beast, laundering along over
the meadow, struck the stump full tilt.
The rotten roots gave way, and stump
and man rolled down the incline into
the water. Payson and Bradford ran to
the rescue and Phelps was eXtricated.
The wild Texan ran believing along the
shore at some distance below and the
hunters made tracks up stream.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

LIFE in Tennessee: 1t is related that
one hundred and fifty Tennessee clergy
men recently prayed for rain and it was
followed by fortnight of the dryest
season ever known in that State. The
circumstance caused considerable excite
ment until Chattanooga man dropped
into country grocery store with the ex-
PLANTATION that he reckoned Providence
had got tired of being fooled by people
who prayed for water when what they
want all the time is WHISKY.
Ed0te.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

THE new Car leaos very simple life.
He rises early and takes a long walk,
then breakfasts with his family. After
dinner he spends long time in amusing
himself with his children.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

The deepest coal-pit in England is the
Ashton Moss, $3.50 feet. Six weeks
ago, just after the ground was first
broken, the workers on the mine touched
a seam of coal 1855 feet from the sur
face
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

AN exchange prints IN article headed
Chow OilcIoth is Made" We have
read it through carefully, hut have failed
to find the Information we seek, which
is To know how oilcloth is male SO all
fired cold p Po,pr y nfip,f
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

IT is said that the Ere, nch have no re-
spect for the oyster because it never had
q Bonaparte.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22

has driven some weak-minded persons Of
slender, enfeebled faith, crazy.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-04-22
AT THE CAPITAL.

senator Durlxcc's Death ind Funeral
His Successor tn Hse Elected-An-
other ikest--MOre Compilation Talk
The Court Declines = Consideration
az school u.aWs-Thc May Portrait
DONE Like the Tax Bili-Nliscei-
lancOus.