Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-10-20
Che Sturv Teller.
ssWHO KILLED JONES' DOG?"

Justice is very necessary element OF so
cety-as necessary as milk is said to be in
large family of small children. But justice
is not very useful, unless its instruments are
both honest and vigilant. There are all
sorts of instruments of justice, from that poa,
derous affair called the Supreme Court OF
the United States, down to the little wheel
of magistrate, that whirls and buzzes in a
country township and, after all, they are all
but parts of one ponderous machine that
grnds out, day and night, all over this
mighty republic, law and order for the Peo-
pie; at any rate, that is the theory, and has
been ever since the Revolution, back of which
the memory of man is not legally permitted
to run, and, of course, does not run.
Out West, somewhere, one of these little
courts attempted to settle the question
"Who killed Jones dog
The "settlement" where Jones's dog was
born, and lived, and finally died, was very
sparse settlement made up of all sorts Of peo.
ple-.hardy pioneers--who were troubled
with but few local Incidents but these few
became the more important for that very rea-
son. Jones dog was just as much of hx-
ture there, as Jones boy. Everybody knew
Jones dog, and the dog:knew everybody in
return. Jones dog might have died in a
thousand places without creating spasm IN
society, but Jones dog could not die vlo-
lent death in Buzzardtown, without shaking
the whole community from centre to circum-
ference.
But so it was. The dog was found, one
morning, with bullet through his head,
"clean gone" and the question arose, "Who
killed Jones dog?"
Quimbly said Fog did it; Fog charged it
upon Quimbly. Bumper declared Hobbs
was the rascal and Hobbs put it at the door
OF some other neighbor indeed, all Buzzard-
town had an opinion upon the subject, and
expressed it, too, and it was not long before
the people-men, women, and children
had rubbed up each others ears to blood
heat, and war finally broke out, hot and tu-
rious, all over Buzzardtown, and even ex-
tended into the suburbs.
One man, however, preserved most dig
ni6ed silence on the subject He was the
magistrate before whom the question might
come, and finally did come. When the dog
question was alluded to, incidentally, before
him, he pushed his hands deep into his
breeches pockets, and looked wise, for he was
a magistrate, and why should he not Aud
he gave the people to understand that his
opinion, if it ever was given, would be CIV
en- on the "bench," where such questions must
be finally decided.
Squire Bumbleton, was, in some respects,
a very remarkable man. He was justice
of the peace, and of course capable OF decld.
ing the question, "Who killed Jones dog"
He had many shining qualifications for the
Office which he held. He had stocism
"beyond all Grecian-ay, all Roman fame"
He would sit all day in the presence of
couple of pettifoggers, and permit them to IRE
into him their arguments" alternating to
take breath, pass through two or three side.
fights, take reasonable share of abuse him.
self and reserve the case at last for decision,
with his temper unruffled, and his judgment
unimpaired.
Bumbleton, in fact, was in possession of
those two great elements that are indispen-
sable in Western justce-silence and Ia
zness. He never gave an opinion in public,
or privately, "that was an opinion. HIS
ay was grunt, and his no was grunt; but
he was very great man all over Buzzard-
town, for that very reason. Bumbletons
grunt weighed particularly when he
gave it emphasis by scratch of the head.
The church at Buzzardtown, however, was
first convulsed with the question, "Who kill
ed Jones' dog?" A dozen or more of its
members were suspected, and they (the doz-
en) suspected each other, and more charges
were made. Tripes said Trimlet did it
Trimlet knew it was Tripes Granderson was
willing to swear it "onto" Jodson over stack
of Bibles as high as his head. Jodson
wouldn't say Granderson 'zactly killed the
dog, but he would kill a dog, and lie faster
than the old Eclipse could run. Stokes rather
cuess'd Whedon's boy did it, but didn't
know nothin' bout it. Whedon's boy de-
MED it, and said "Stokes was mad at him,
cause he thought he tied his pigs tails to-
gether." Old Aunt Farwell (who knew ev.
erything all over the settlemenD said, cher
mind was Just as we'll settled on the point OF
who killed that ere dog, as if she had seed
the shootin' did but she warn't goin' to say
nothin' bout it, Clark said "the dog COM
mitted suicide" Jones declared to Clark
"that he was liar" and the great question
still was, "Who killed Jones dog p
The church sat twelve mortal days over
Jones dog, day and night. 1t showed what
kind of dog Jones dog was how, when
and where it was born its habits, character,
and propensitas-very much after all, like
other dogs. All the hostility that had ever
been exhibited, by word or deed, against
Jones, was brought out in strong relief and,
what was worse, before the meetin' closed,
instead of there being only one issue-"Who
killed Jones dog ?'-side'issues innumera-
ble had sprung up, mostly questions OF We
racity which had grown out OF the exam'na-
ton, and now Buzzardtown was in tempest
of fury, and its people were ready to tear each
others eyes out.
Mrs Culpepper, sharp-nosed, weazentaced
woman of fifty, waged war against Mrs
Pixies, sozzle Of body, because Mrs. Pixies
declared in church.meetin' that she wouldn't
blieve nothn' any of the Culpeppers said
bout nobody-from old Culpepper, through
the old ,ooman Culpepper, and clean down
to the little Culpeppers. She wouldn't
blieve word from no Culpepper, not no
how-'bout Jones dog-nor nothin.' (Mrs.
Pixies had a hatred against Mrs. Culpepper,
because Mrs. Culpepper's boy, Jabez, told
Mrs. Pixies boy, Ichabod, that his mother
was "snall potatoes" and Mrs Pixies said,
"she know'd Mrs. Culpepper set her boy up
to it.") Mrs. Culpepper fired up, and pro-
claimed to all Buzzardtown, that "she never
seed Pike that was anybody-they were
the LATEST, slip shod-est, shillyshaly-est set
on the airth, she did b'lieve. Old Pixies
C.1 .