The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-01-28
ADVICE TO A YOUNG MAN.

My son, it may be that as you grow
older you will be seized with an ambi-
ton to- serve your country in the halls of
congress. To this end you should begin
now to acquire that polish and easy ele-
ganceeflanguage which will enable you
to shine in debate Read the daily pa
pers and familiarize yourself with the
language and manners of the American
legislator. Cut out the official report of
the great financial debate between the
Hon. Mr.. Cleaver and the Hon. Mr..
Shark, that it may be to you textbook
upon monetary matters:
The Hon. Mr. Cleaver-"In present
ing this bill for the issue of 400, 900 900
copper dollars per diem, Dir. Speaker,
am moved to say"
The Hon. Mr.. Snark-"The honorable
gentleman is dirty liar, and dassen't
take it up"
The Hon. Mr.. Cleaver-"Sir, Mr..
| Speaker, if the honorable gentleman
doesn't take that back in two shakes Of u
dead sleeps tail will kick the eyerlast-
ing stulling right out of him.
The Speaker-"The gentleman must
be careful, in the heat of debate, not to
overstep the bonds of courtesy and par
limentary usage
The Hon. Mr.. Snark-"The gentle.
man is lop-eared son of q gun from a
wooden shoe county, and he can't whip
one side of me-"
The Hon. Mr.. Cleaver-"Will the gen.
tlemen step out from behind his desk
and put up his mauleys? Dance 10 me-
| you sucker, only weigh pound"
The Hon. Mr. Snark-"I'll slap your
nasty mouth, you venomOus old beast"
The Hon. Mr.. Cleaver-''Aw-w, shut
up, skinny; what are you giyin' US ~
The Hon. Mr.. Groans, of Texas
"Black his eye! Hit him in the
mouth"
Other honorable gentlemen. from va
rious states, Smear him onel Send him
one on the past-horn for luck Smack
him in the snoOt."
The speakee, mildly-tsThe honorable
gentlemen will please keep within the
bounds of parliamentary courtesy
The Hon. Clesver, jumping up in the
air and cracking his heels scgetler-
"Whoop! kin chaw up and carry out
any son of thief between Chicago and
Carol If you don't believe It. smell of
| my bootsf,
The Hon. Mr.. Snark-HH Hold me down,
somebodys I'm bad man from . river
district, and / eat raw buHalol WheFedO
you want to be hit fiFst %
And just here the police. on their way
| TO Gloss dlsorQerly house IN the neigh
borhood. stepped IN and closed the de
bate.
From this page Of congressional his
tory, my son. you can see how 10 direct
| your reading in order 20 aecuire suffi-
cient knowledge of financial matters 70
participate in debate on the funding
bill. 1t may be grand thing to go to
congress. wont discourage you my
dear boy, if your ambition leans
| in that direction. Still, so
long as you have an alternative
| open, so long as you can get steady sit.
uaiIOn as chambermaid in livery stable
or clerk on ID raft, l wouldn't advise you
Is set your heart on congress. The Amer
lean people really do not have very much
respect for congress as a body. They are
always sorry TO see it in session. They are
always glad when it adjourns. Individu-
ally, the members of congress are, / be-
lieve, good citizens, good neighbors,
good men. But for lot of good raw
material, my boy, they can make the
Eeanest aggregate when they get to.
| gether. Don't worry about going to con.
| gress, Telemachus. Go to the mines, oil
join the MINISTRIES. Your parents will
think more of you.