Richland beacon., 1881-04-02
HCM0RS or THE DAT,

A DERRICK is bivalve because it ia a
holster
THE way for a bad boy to go or ben
der is over his mothers knee
MosT people that see trouble would
lc happier II they would close their
eyes.
TEETH inserted without payin'-"
remarked the tramp, as he bit into
stolen pie.
BRIGHAM YoUSG had eleven children
Ivy his wife, Eliza, and he called her his
irrtliZa.
loUNG people are always ready to
ndopt the --latest wrinkle" 1t is the first
wrinkle that they object to.
No wonder we have white milk. cause
the the kick of n cow is enough to turn
tine milk-pail.-kOkODiO Tri6,nr.
'IOU can't comet" she remarked 70
Inn, rs he tried to snatch a kiss from her
rosy lips, as they were out star gazing
the other evening
The lad reached up FOR Auntie's cake.
Bat quickly made pause,
For something graspcd his collar aud
lie knew twas Antics claws.
-Danieisoaptl. S,ntin,i
CURIOSITY shop-"O Oh, what lovely
vase. It's antique, is it not?" "No.
maam, its modern "What a pity. il
was so pretty"
The Baltimore Erc,y .Satvdny com.
mences an item with "An old woman
died IN the west end last week" II il
supposed the result was just as fatal as
ii she died all..over
An old bachelor who was called 10 an
account for still remaining in single
wretchedness gave as n reason that
Congress hasn't vet removed the tax on
matches, you see.
YOUNG man who lived at ST, Paul
Came here and attended a hail.
He made love to a belle,
When she said 60 towel
lie drowned himself in the canawl.
-Rokonso Tribune
The father who Furnishes lad for the
pranks he himself has played usually
:akes fair view of the case At least he
ioo snt take q ''Once-I-did' view of it.
Boston Past.
LOOK here, boy, this is miserable
certificate your teacher sends ME of your
standing" said a Galveston parent to his
son. faint my fault. l didn't have
the getting up Of it, or it would have
been all right"
"ErIoUETrE' writes to us TO inquire
if in our opinion it would be proper for
him to support a young lady if she were
taken with a faint-even if he hadn't
been introduced. Proper. young man,
certainly-prop her by all means.
The train had just rolled into the sta
ton, and little Charley stood listening q
moment to the sound of the Westing.
house escape. Then, turning to his
father, he said: "Pa. the engines all
out O breath, amt it?"-BostOa Tran.
script.
JUsr why man should be ashamed
TO own that he is injured by fall ws
don't see, but ninety-nine men ont OF
hundred on getting up from slippery
spot, will lie like butchers. and say:
mot hurt Mt all, when in truth they are
bruised and skun in over twenty places.
-BostOn Post.
The child of very fashion bic family
was sick, and the colOred servant was
" If the child can not keep the first pow
der on its stomach, you must give it an
other one" remarked the clerk Is he
pasted on the label. "YOu don't reckon
we would give him the same powder ober
again. does yer? We amt no poor folks,
We amt. "-Wedicai Journal.
HERE is good illustration of the mo-
tivcs by which most men are moved: A
Sunday schcol teacher said: "Now,
children. if boy should strike You on
yonr way to school, it would he your
duty To forgive him, wouldn't it?" Eyes,
ma am, from the whole class. "And
you would really forgive him. wouldn't
you;" One little fellow answered with
calm deliberation, Eyes. ma am think
] would, specially if he was bigger than
am"