The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1881-11-03
THEY CALLED HIM CALAMITY,
But He Saved His Life in an Emergency
BY an Eloquent Grafton.
Nve IN Laramie Boomerang,

Calamity is the name of man who
lives at the gold camp of Cummins City
He has another name, but nobody seems
to know what it is 1t has been torn
off the wrapper someway, and so the
BOYS call him Calamity. He is man
/ of singular mind and eccentric construc-
ton. The most noticeable feature about
| Calamity is his superstitious dread OF
muscular activity. Some people will
not tackle any kind of business enter
prise on Friday. Calamity is even
more the victim of the vague supersti-
ton. and has dread of beginning work
on any day of the week, for fear that
some disaster may befall him. Last
spring he had little domestic trouble,
and his wife made complaint that Ca
lamity had worn out an old long-handle
shovel on her, trying to convince her
about some abstruse theory of his. The
testimony seemed rather against Calam-
ity: and the miners told him that as
soon as they got over the rush little,
and had the leisure, they would have to
hang him. They hoped he would take
advantage of the hurry of business and
90 away, because they didn't want to
hang him so early in the season. But
Calamity didn't go away. He stayed
because it was easier to stay than to go.
He did not, of course, pine for the no
toriety of being the first man hung in
the Young camp, but rather than pull
up stakes and move away from place
where there were so many pleasant asso-
Citations he concluded to stay and meet
death calmly in whatever form it might
come. One evening, after the work of
the day was done, and the boys had
eaten their suppers, one of them sug-
gested that it would be good time 10
hang Calamity. So they got things in
shape, and went down to the Big Lara
mie bridge. Calamity was with them.
They got things ready for the exercises
| to begin, and then asked the victim if
he had anything to say. He loosened
the rope around his neck little with
with one hand, SO that he could speak
with more freedom, and holding his
pantaloons on with the other, said:
ssGentlemen of the convention, | call you
to witness that this public demonstra,
ton toward me is entirely unsOught on
nv part. have never courted notorle
ty. Plugging along in comparative OBJ
scurity is good enough for me. This Is
the first time ever addressed an audi
ence. That is why | am embarrassed
and i'll at ease. You have brought me
here to hang me because [ seemed harst
and severe with my wife. You nave
entered the hallowed presence of my
home-life AID assumed the prerOgativt
of subverting my household discipline
It is we'll. | do not care to live so long
as nv authority is questioned. Yol
) will have already changed my submls
sive wife to an arrogant and self-relian
woman. Yesterday | told her to 90 ou
and grease the wagon, and she straight
ened up to her full height and told m,
: to 90 and grease it myself. ! have al
ways been kind and thoughtful of her
When she had to go up into the gulcl
in the winter after irewood, my Goa
shielded her from the storm while sa
alone in the cabin through the loni
hours. | could name other instance
of unselfshness on my part, but | vii
not take up your time. She uses N.
: smoking tobacco and kicks my verte
bra up into my hat on the most unlooke
for occasions. She does not love m
any more, and life to me is only ho
! low mockery. Death, with It's wId
+ waste of eternal calm and is shoreles
sea of rest, is glad relief to me-
!; 90, but | leave in your midst skittls
: and able-bodied widow who will max
! ! Rome howl. | bequeath her to thi
! !. camp. She is yours, gentlemen. Sh
i is ali I have to give, but in giving ne
r to you / feel that my untimely deaf
e viii always be looked upon in this gulc
: as dire calamity. The day will com
when you will look back upon this awft
: night and wish that | was alive agalr
but it will be too late. / will be fa
# away. My soul viii be in land wher
o domestic infelicity and cold feet ca
n never enter. Bury me at the foot I
J. Vinegar Hill, where the sage-hen an
n the fuzzy bumble-bee may gambol ovt
Z my lowly grave"
Fl When Calamity had finished, an in
! promptu caucus was called. When
e was adjourned, Calamity went home
d his cabin to surprise his wife.
i'll She has not yet fully recovered frol
: her surprise.