The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-05-18
FLOATING FANCIEs.

When It comes to descending q ladder, tht
bravest Of us generally back down.
Cincinnatiis rechrissened by the New York
Gonsmorcial 1dpert:ser. lis new name is
Trichinopolis.
Baecher says Eve pray too much This
explains why the average newspaper man ;
breecAes always bag at the knees.
Latest argumen against tobacco-The
most powerful engines do not last more than
thirty years because they're always smoking.
Last year 4s0, 600, 600 cigarettes were
smoked ID this country. There was q cor
responding falling off in the sale Of nursing
bottles.
Give the wicked Bernhardt q wide berth
cries an exchange. For what? She can get
along with 4 narrow one. Give the wide one
to David Davis.
4 man in the suburbs has found a bed Of
remarkably fine clay on his property, but is
undecided whether to start o bricfyard or q
French candy factory.
The Nihilis's have at last imprisoned the
Gar. There is q sextuple Gordon of armed
men round his residence. This is better than
blowing him up with glass bombs.
From off the running rivulet the icy chain is thawed,
And the nutter Of the Winglet of the dovelet is abroad:
The quacklet of the ducklet in the brooklet we can
hear.
And the rootlet Of the piglet will presently appear.
Perhaps, in two years hence, there will
come Il man to Chios to make excavations in
the ruins of the destroyed towns, and make
out of an old broken barber-cup and three
broken chairs the statute Of the Apostle Paul.
You can bet the next worlds fair will not
be held IN New York. It the next world has
a fair it won't be anywhere near that city,
and New Workers won't even read about it
IN Inc papers.
4 news item says kalamazoo is shipping
Wind-mills to New Zealand" If Kalamazoo
wants TO earn a high niche in the temple Of
fame, let her ship the Washington wind
mill, with all the appurtenances thereunto
belonging, to New Zealand.
Professor TO student who writes, not for
The masses, but the educated few)-aYou
should write so that the most ignorant of
you audience can understand al you can say
Student (puzzled)-"What part of my pro
ductlon is not clear to you, sir?
When the funny man Of q London daily
writes o good joke the editorial staff is called
up, oysters are served, and the paper doesn't
appear that day. And it IS q noteworthy
fact that no London daily has missed a pub
lication day for ten years back.
A western circus manager published an
offer Of 800, 900 for the ugliest woman On
earth, and DR.. Mary Walker offers 81, 600 |
000, 900, 600 for information that will lead to
the discovery of the fend who sent her q |
marked copy of the paper containing it.
Carving isn't fun. a young man was in
vlted to carve q turkey at dinner, recently,
and before the knife was finally taken from
him he had upset q glass Of water, dislo-i
Gated his shoulder, shot the bird across the
table into a lady's lap, and nearly jabbed a
mans eye out, and it wasn't g tough bird
either.
How sweet the moonlight sleeps along this hank;
Here, while the organ-grinder turns his crank,
Wen sit, and let the sounds of music creep
into our ears, 80 long as it's SO cheap.
For when he comes his recompense to seek,
Wen climb for timber tall beyond the creek.
Sit, Jessica; look how the floor of heaven as of old.
IL thick lnlaid with patines Of bright gold.
This is not the smallest orb which thou beholdst
But I'll bet you $2s it's an awful sight the coolest.