Litchfield enquirer., 1881-03-31

~@aA middfessized boy. writing composition on Extremes" remarked that i've should endeavor to avoid extremes, especially those
 And she wrote in handwriting clerky. 5 And she talked with an emphasis ierky, s. 8 And she painted on tiless W%
 In the sweetest of styles,
 But she didn't know chicken from turkey.
 First sophomore Ito second ditto, leaning over the railing G the theatre gallery)- s'Tom, don't fall over; it costs more down there, and we neither have another cent here. " I think we'll have an early spring." re- marked -an Oil City woman as she noticed her husband iff the act of sitting down on the business end of carpet tack.
 A man in Albany having announced that he ''had a historical pitcher, fourteen base ball clubs have written him asking what the pitchers terms are for the coming season.
 Mrs. Spaggins was boasting of her new house. The windows, she said, were all stained. That's too bad, but won't turpen- tinesor benzine wash it off ?" asked her sym- pathetic listener.
 Clear out here!' yeleH ar exasperated Galveston saloon keeper to a beat; "you know you ain't tolerated in any decent saloon thats why you're always proving about here. E. #@ E EA3Hs
 Chicago man coinniitted ssaicide the ether day because he found his, business in creasing so rapidly that he feared he wouldn't be able to manage it. His business was dodg- ing officers of the law.
 A girl heard her father criticised severely across dining table. The careless critic paused moment to say: Il hope he is no relative of yours, miss." Quick as thought she replied with the utmost nonchalaBce : s.::Only connection of my mothers by mar riage." 1
 The. Fsgdr0 announces a.new way of mak- ing an Acqua intane.S "A snob about to enter a restaurant meets lady and salutes her with utmost courtesy. Excuse me-" she says, ''I believe have not the pleasure thou sand pardcns, lady," says the snob, 1T mis- took you for another charming lady, the Countess Fedora of Falconberg," and she's so f1attered that she immediately enters into con- yersation.
 True philanthropy-M Magufin had been reading in the newspapers of man who died, leaving young and attractive widow, to whom he devised his entire wealth. Now that " hat l call true philanthropy" she re- marked, removing her spectacles and looking at her husband as if she expected to be con tradicted. Why SOP" he amcably asked Because" said she, ''he left his property ID such way that some other man will be sure to enjoy it"
 To..l Tipchaser (has risked the investment and taken abox at the opera for Friday night) Then I'll say goodbye until Friday evening Miss Ethel Bullion: Oh !Mr. Tinchaser forgot! It was so kind of you to ask auntie and myself but when accepted I never re membered that was to lead, with MT. Haut ton, at the Beaumonde's german that night and seI can't go with you. But utgrandmamms loves music so much"that Pm sure you aDC auntie would not mind taking her in my place would you? (What can T. T. say)
 A letter from Hudson, Wis, to the St. Paul (Minn.) Pioneer Press says: ''The Rev Mr. Redcliff, venerable granger and local preacher residing out in the town of Troy, owing to sickness in his family orgsomething of that krnd, lost track of aday few weeks ago. and came to town with load of corn stalks on Sunday forenoon, and drove them by his favorite church while services were going on to the residence of the mos strict and devout Christian worshiper in the communi ty. ...
 A minister out in the far west who has been troubled good deal over marriage fees, issued the following circular and gprice list ''One marriage, plain, $2; ditto,S kissing the bride, $3; ditto, trimmed with one grooms- man and one bridesmaid, $4; 50 cents extra for each additional groomsman or brides. maid. Bachelors past forty will be charged extra: Maids of age, 10 per centum off. >ho in lioto matches. Liberal discount to clubs. Pay No money refunded or rebates made for pool goods Come early, and come often" { :
 Umbrella firtatioD-To place your um. brela in a rack indicates that it is ahont to change owners. An umbrella carried over the woman, the man getting nothing but the drippings of the rain, signifies courtship. When the man has the umbrella and the woman the ,drippings it indicates marriage. To carry it at right angles under your arm signifies that an eye is to be lest by the man who follows you. To put a cotton umbrella by the side of silk one signifies exchange is no robbery" To lend on umbrella indi- cates Il am fool" To carry. an open um- brela just high enoughsto tear out tamen s eyes and knock offmen shats signifies Fl am 2 Wo- man" ~~s ~@' ~ ~ " ~ N" ~~ ~ ~
 "Nasby," in the. Toledo Blade: 'tIt was finelly agreed that shood hey steerage pas sage to Liverpool and $10 on which to live till 1 cood establish myself. Therefore, l shel go to- Europe. l amfnot disp1eased with the prospeck. There is no yoose uv my re- mainn' here, for there is nothin' in this country forme. I shal make my way to Paris to wunst, and it will go hard with me ef I can't establish myself ther in some way. turn my back upon the Corners hawtily, only too glad to leave an ongrateful people wich hazn's enuff. appreshiashun uv greatnis to furnish the trifliu' means to keep it alive among 'em. Boston allus paid Webster s