The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1881-03-02

A favorite exclamaton--A lass
young shavsr--A barber's baby.
Lip service-Tea cups and saucers.
A clean sweep-A we'll washed one,
Natures tailoring-A potato patch.
Common scents-Musk and yerbena.
A bad policy-One that has expired
A powder mill-A duel with pistols.
Can pretty woman be plain cook ?
Current views-Those from the river.
The real yellow fever--Greed for gold.
chin that's never shaved--An urchin.
Ice dealers are happy over a solid North.
A time to run-When you are in hurry.
Uusually the coarser base is the finer 1t u.s.
Set together by the ears-Sheaves of wheat.
Beautiful isle Of the sea "--Spefm whale
isle.
A sad dog-0ne who tarries long at his
whine.
Youth, humps; middle age, bumps old
age, dumps.
When is cat like tea pot--wben you're
teasin' it.
When is a woman as cold as icea When
she is scold.
What relation is the door to the matt A
step.father.
When is q lover like q tailora When he Is
pressing suit.
When is water most likely to escape When
it is half tide.
When is clock on the stairs dangerous ?
When it runs.
Why should artists take smallpox Be-
cause it's sketching.
What effect do -four mills have upon town
Make it flourish.
The best way to get out of scrape--Le
| your beard grow.
Etiquette--If you pay visit, it is not nee
essary to take receipt
The snow is one of the few things that i
driven without rain.
What flowers are there between lady
nose and chimp Two-lips.
Peanuts, sweet potatoes and tobacco coul,
be raised in every State.
Passing around the hat is one way of get
ting the cents of the meeting.
It is terrible cold wave when she swing
nor nanuKoruuIrr NJ your rryaL
Why are all shop keepers hosiers? Bscaus
they have a stock in trade.
To make thin man look fat--Cali afte
him and he will then look round.
Why is U the gayest letter in the alphabet
Because it is the center of fun.
If the burglars carry of your plate why h
1t all rightp Because it is not left.
How to bring people over to your side
Have the snow cleaned off your sidewalk.
"Letter goi" as the boy said when be
lamp posted his letter at the street corner.
| Boys are like vinegar; the moro mother
there is in them, tho sharper they become.
All things are systemized nowadays. Ever
every milk train has its COW catcher.
A rising artist is painting for the World,
Fair picture of Death as large as life.
Always examine an old plug hat before yor
kick it, or it may cost you an amputated toe
~ wish ! was puddin' mamma
| "Why?" "'Cause should have lot o.
sugar put into me-"
| Why is a minister near the end of his SER
mon like ragged urchnp Because he'i
toward his close.
If lady is asked how many rings she bat
she can say with truth that there is no end t.
them.
Incredible as 1t may seem, some Of the rich
est planters of Jamaica live on the COTE,
grounds.
Even dumb animals exhibit attachment. -
The horse is always attached to the vehicl
| he draws.
| A Danbury bride received among her wed.
ding gifts receipted bill Of eight dollars 70
gate hinges.
! English orthodox advices report that th
Ritualistic services wax scandalous to a great
err degree every week.
Even the Merry Christmas time is not with
out its sad features. A poem on June reache,
this Office yesterday.
There are some things II won't do to trif
Wuu-~iot ihotaht01 Womau ophbt~u "H'
the business end of a wasp.
No matter how much money there I
coming" to you. the probabilities are tha
you will get 1t sooner by going after IT,
A young man who has travelled through
New Jersey says he saw some land there 81
poor that couldn't raise disturbance on it.
| A banana skin belongs to the lower order o
creation. That Is to say 1t win lower a mai
to the sidewalk with wonderful celebrity.
A physician gives directions "How to Sc
the blood circulate" His method is not al
simple as the old way of calling prize fghte
liar.
We would inform "a Reader" that th
term Mind your p's and q's" originates
with the Chinese 1t formerly stood
''Mind your teas and Queues
Norristown Herald: When two loafer
commenced to call each other liar" Ennis
creant, perjurer," and other pet names, i
old Seiheimers saloon, the proprietor picke