The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-09-15
OPENING sARDINEs.
The Dimeslties Mr.. spospeudykc Experience.
in Doing No.

LOOK here, my dear" said Mr.. SpOopendyke
tossing over the laees and ribbons in his wife's
bureau drawer, whats become of the can OPEN
eF don't see it anywhere"
"What do you want of IL" asked Mrs. SpOop-
endyke, tnttering up to protect her trinkets,
and trying to gain a little time.
81 want to open sardnes with it,, re-
torted Mr.. Spoopendyke, abandoning the drawer
and hunting through the wOrk-basket. "Think
wanted to comb my hair with it Imagine
wanted to write n letter with it'll Well, don't.
want some sardines. What have you done
with iti
"You might take yOnr big knife" recommend
cd Mrs. Spoopendyke. "The large blade is just
the thing for that"
Mr.. Spoopendyke seized the knife and bored
away at one corner of the box, while his wife
looked on with considerable distress.
"liadn't You better put paper under the box !.
You'll get the oil all over the table CLOTH" sug-
gested Mrs. SpOOpendyke.
"No, won't either" said Mr.. Spoopendyke,
as tho knife plunged through and the oil spat-
tered. 'sServe y0u right if did, he continued
ploughing away at the tin, while the grease flew
in all directions. at would teach You to put
the can opener where You could find Ii. What
kind of housekeeping do you call this, any
how.n he yelled, as the blade slipped ont and
closed upon his fingers.
"Did You hurt yourself dear p asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, anxiously.
NO. didn't hurt myself" grnned Mr. SpOop-
endyke. THE dod-gasted knife struck the
bone, or would have been dead with agony an
hour ago. Give me some ether ~ he howled.
''Fetch me some chlorofOrm! S'pose I'm going
to saw at this box any more without an anas-
theticf Got an idea I'm going to chip off
couple dozen fingers without something to dead
en- the painf Where's the laughing gasi Give
me some laughing gas while extract these
measly old fish" and Mr.. Spoopendyke praneed
around the room, and then jabbed the knife in
TO the box again, and ripped away as though he
was run by steam. "No use to hide away from
me" he yelled, hacking at the box with all his
might; ~ know you're in there, and there can't
any dod-gasted sardine that ever was built get
away from me. Come out, l tell YEP and he
seized fish by the tail and slung him across
the room. "You're transacting business with
Spoopendyke now!r and he clawed ont n hand
full of mashed sardines and slapped them down
on plate.
"Won't You spoil 'em, dear,- asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke. dodging the flying heads and tails.
They won't be very good if You open them that
way
siOh, won't they 7, howled Mr.. Spoopendyke.
'If you don't like 'em that way, whatd you ask
for them fort Maybe you want me to take 'em ont
in baby carriage. P'raps you've got an idea
ought To climb under 'em and lift 'em out May
be You want me to get into that box with q
boat and take 'em out with seine. Well
won't, tell We. Give me the tongsi Gone to
get married to the can opener, haven't they r.
and Mr.. Spoopendyke grabbed another fish and
fired him into the crate.
''Be patient, my dear, " said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
soothingly. Make the opening little wider,
and they'll come out"
s'Ain't patient ~ shouted Mr.. Spoopendyke
"Prhaps you want me TO sing to 'em, Il wish /
was III angel, and with the dOd CAST the fish.
Come ont Of tbatw and with n wrench Mr..
Spoopendyke hauled off the top and disclosed
the mangled remains of his enemies. Snow,
give me a lemon" and he eyed the repast with
anything but cOntentment. "Stir around aud
get me lemon; quick now"