Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-04-23
WIT AND WISDOM.

smokers color great deal sooner thar
their pipes.
| VERY often a young man imaglnes
himself to be perfect brick, when nc
really isn't more than half-baked.
A woMAN's work is never done.
because when she has nothing else to
do she has her hair to fix.
] DO not tremble when meet
The stoutest of my foes,
But Heaven defend me from the friend
Who comes but never goes .-Sd1e.
A HERO, as defined by Philadelphia
school boy, is fellow who does some
thing other fellows would like to do but
can't.
BEFORE marriage she was dear and he
was her treasure but afterward she
became dearer and he treasurer, and
yet they are not happy.
LIFE INSURANCE companies are OPP
posed to cremation because they cannot
dig man up to ascertain whether or
not he committed suicide.
A TALL man having rallied his friend
on the shortness of his legs, the friend
replied: My legs reach the ground.
What more can yours do?"
The Cincinnati Saturday Night says
that Private Dalzell feels greatly morti-
fed because Carlyle in his Reminis-
cences said nothing about him.
THE post Office ficnd is the person
who stands directly in front of the de-
livery window reading his mail, while a
score are behind him waiting for theirs.
The Wisconsin editor who was ar
rested for heing treated thinks the new
law is against the Constitution. The
law evidently judges the liquor to be
against his.
A Boston clergyman, who was once
asked by a scoffer to define the I'M
pardonable sin, replied: I" am sorry |
cannot oblige you, but be patient, you'll
know some day."
A SOLEMN old scientist printed the
fact that by bathing the feet in tepid
water a man could increase his circula-
ton, and now all the editors are having
tanks fitted to their office stoves.
A YOUNG man residing at Madison,
Wis, twenty-six years of age, has mar
ried the divorced second wife Of his
grandfather. Does this make the
young man his own grandfather?
WHEN a Gavesltonian was told that
friend of his was i'll and was sinking
very fast, he said: "Well, I am not
surprised; I always thought that was
about the direction he would go when
he died"
THAT old Cardiff Giant has at last
reached New Orleans and been sold to
pay express charges. 1t is worth 800
to remember how the great savants of
this country traced him back down
lane q million years long.
AN ALL Fools day joke: The meanest
man lives in Fair Haven. His little boy
played an April fool joke ON him and
he turned the clock back twenty-four
hours and made the boy believe that it
was the last day of March.
A WOMAN in Maine, attempting to
talk through a telephone for the first
time, exclaimed, Chow do you do p.
and then dropped into chair, protest
ing that she "couldn't say another
word; she felt as if she had been talking
to ghost"
FIFTEEN years ago an innocent young
girl promised her lover that she would
wait for him. To prove how she kept
her word it is merely necessary to re-
mark that, although she is now his
wife, she frequently waits mp for him
until two a. m.
TINE spring openings in Fiji show
quite a revolution in the fashions there.
Sharks teeth necklaces are cut more
decolette, the mole on the back is paint
ed red, and the green string is worn
around the left ankle instead of the
right, as formerly.
ALL women are naturally afraid of a
COW. Madam" said the oleomar9a
rine dealer when she uttered a shrek at
discovering that it was bogus butter she
was handling, MADAM, You needn't be
alarmed. The cow it was made from is
too dead to hurt you"
THERE was a man in our town
And he was wondrous wise,
Whenever he had aught to sell,
Then he did advertise.
But when his purse became too plump.
To ease him of his pain
He did not advertise at all
And fiattened it again.
Chow DO you like my spring clothes?'
asked Leander. "Pretty well," replied
Hero, doubtfully, and then added, "but
I think / should like You better in a
walking suit" He sat wrapped in silent
thought for about five minutes, and
then got up and walked slowly away in
the suit he had on.
A POLICEMAN met a negro at night
carrying a trunk along the street, and
collared him. The negro explained:
ode family what was boarding me has
been asking for money, and as dey was
gone out tonight I thought I would get
into some family whar dey respected de
panic"
HENRY is so practical y said Mrs.
Youngwife. "When mother went into
the country last year, he sent all her
things after her the very next day; he
said she might want some of them, you
know. And it's kind O. funny" she
went on, "mother did want them, for
she has never come back to live with us
since. Wasn't it queer ?"
A KEEN student of human nature
must have written the following
"When you see young man sailing
down street shortly after midnight with
his collar mashed down his neck, You
can make up your mind that there's a
girl crawling up stairs not far distant,
with her shoes under her arm and an
extinguished lamp in her hands,"