Middletown transcript., 1881-06-10

A subscriber asks if we can recon-
mend a cheap and popular watering
place. Certainly; the town pump
NorriStoacn Herald.
At that Partisan ball where the cos
TUNES are all to be made Of paper, it is
to be hoped nobody will go on tear
Ne,O Jersey Enterprise.
Sammy Spriggins, a prospective
heir, thinks he would rather read his
uncle's last will than his own new re-
vised testament Y. Nelcs.
When Jones' boy was kicked out of
a saloon by his father he remarked that
there appeared to be an active temper
ance movement on ot.-Quincy Mod
ern ArgO.
You can't dig up human skull any
where but that some one can remember
how peddler mysterously disappeared
''about thirteen years ago. - Wheeling
Leader.
An article is going the rounds entitled
KILLED by a Catapult.' ? We hope that
within the next century people will
learn what is good for them, and quit
pulling the tail of the catapult.-BiU
Nye.
Sweden is getting whipped-up about
emigration it's weedin' the country
too unanimously, and the chances are
they'll be building high picket fence
around their territory next week.
Yonkers Gazette.
''You are fond Of the British poets,
Miss G. % "Oh, awfully so!'' 'Have
you read Lamb ?'' eyes, and with
such pleasure % care you fond of
Hogg ?'' eyes, but do so dread trich-
inosis. ,Sonerrille Journal.
Richard A. Proctor says that in Is
100000 years every trace of water will
have disappeared from the face of the
globe, and then we suppose people will
have to worry along on straight drinks.
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
"Your husband is not in today,
ma'am p said collector who called at
the door. ''No, he is not.'' Do you
know where | can find him ~ II guess
he has gone fishing. He carried a glass
bottle filed with something he called
bait. '''-Ne,T Hdren Register.
1t must be a cheerful thing, while
taking brisk walk out in the suburbs
Of Pacific towns, before breakfast and
when the air is soft and balmy with the
dewy fragrance of opening day, to run
across a Chinese leper who has been
dead since February.-BiU Nye.
In Wilmington, Del, the other day,
girl was kicked to death, and the doc
tor who was called pronounced it a case
of smallpox. That doctor ought to get
vaccinated. In some places lie would
be stricken with the smallpox till his
coat-tails would be worn off.-Peck's
SIN.
1t would be a blessed good thing
for this country if Kirkham's definition
Of change were to come into general
use. "A man would not be 50 apt to
borrow dime if he had to ask if you
had any ''perichOretical synechy of PAM
parallag matte horroteroporeumatical
differentiations and integratiOns'' about
your old clothes YOnkers Statesman.
Old Uncle Nose went into Levi
Schaumburg's store, on Austin avenue,
to buy silk handkerchief, but was al
most paralyzed on learning the price
Levi explained that the high price of
silk goods was caused by some disease
among the silk worms. 'HOw much
does yer ask for dis heah piece OBJ tape ?''
asked the old man. ''Ten cents, j." was
thereply.'' 4 ''Ten centsl' Jewbillikins Il
50 de tape has riz, tool suppose de
cause OBJ dat am, becase dar's sumfin de
matter wild de tape wums. Dis seems
to be gwine ter be mighty tough year
on wums, anyhow. "-TerdS SJtingS.