Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1881-02-03
HUMOROUS.
Always in working order-Yeast.
A good prophet Ono hundred I


A good prophet One hundred pr
cent.
A calico wrapper-The dry goods
clerk.
Epitaph for n cannibal--" Oae who
loved his fellow men"
Bad for authors-Only men who can't
write make their mark.
Ten cents in the pocket is worth a
dollar paid Tor beer.-Derrick.
Firemen ms well as other people, ike
10 talk of their old flames. - Rlcayune.
Come! come! rest in this BOSOM"
as the shirt said TO the fativon. - Bos,0.
BUlletin.
Bluebeard managed women so well
because lie always got ahead of them!-
PAtL1deiphtG Item
A man advcrtiscs fora competent per-
son to undertake the sale of a new medi-
cine, and adds that Z" it will be highly
lucrative 70 the undertaken"
Eighty million dollars worth Of live
and dressed hogs have beer sold to Eu-
rope in the last year. Uncle Sam is
putting on iardly airs.-FTcc Press
She" How do you like my new
belt?' It was Of shining yellow metal.
He" We'll, ! approve ola little music
at an evening party, but isn't brass
band rather too loud9"
BcaconEfield ascribcs all his greatness
10 woman. Adam laid all his trouble 10
the same source. Adam, We are ashamed
Of you! Beaconsfe.d, you arc gentle
man.-BostoH Transcript.
IN take a roll, ," said the ssw-loC TO
the baker as il went down the hill
S,cu5cnUile Herald. And I'll take a
loaf" the saw said. while they were
rolling II back. -BroGiJda Td5Je.
young man may look very nicc'
But If be happens 20 iall on the ice,
lie drops al his airz, curses and svears.
And II any ono laughs, Oh, how be glares,
SprHzfeid co. Sunday .Nelu.
Good morning, Smith" ," said man
in = shoe store the other day; what's
this pair of boots sold for?" What
are they so!ed for! why to keep the snow
out and the feet Marathon Ipade-
pendent.
Matilda: We have your poem, Give
me back my icc-cream freezer" salted
down. II will appear at the proper
season. Give me back my old coal
burner would be more appropriate
Just now.-Hoosut Gate Cuy.
"O,d Woman. how do you sell beets7'
asked a losfor Of an old vegetable
woman in the market. and she replied.
Il just tell 'em I'll trust EN-. and then
give'em stuff that looks all righ; snd amt
good for nothing. They don't like the
sell either.
One evening AZ Paris cafe group
of idiers were discussing politics and
people who change their opinions.
"N I'll" said one, I've never cried.
long live anybody" Quite 50, re-
marked one; but then you're doc
tor.n
You are in time, said the pedAcogue
to one of his pupils, who entered rs the
last stroke OF the bell was dying away.
" Bad grammar" said the lad, and bad
spelling, also; for there is no u in
time" And now, that boy Is having
bad spell also-but not likewise MeTi-
den Recorder.
The husband OF a scolding wife on
Vermont street stood gazing long and
earnestly upon her photograph in
frame upon the wall. When she sharply
asked him why he stood staring at it
like an idiot, be replied that It seemed
so strange 10 see her in position where
her chin was in calm repose.- Modcrn
Argo.
"THE IDOL or HIS soul"
Now the husband. still lover,
And his vile, 20 true aud tried,
Der The dying FIRE bowers.
listening to the wind outside
And with smile asd oheedng laugh, be
Calls her idol OF bis soal,
Till he makes her. through his taIEy,r
Bring another bod Of coal
--Bloomin0ioa Eyc.
ifthere is anything that will make =
man rip stavin', roarin', bilin' mad. II l.
to have the cook appear before him nj
breakfast with IA announcement thai
hetwo pounds Of lamb chops purchased
by him the evening previous, daring
the wee small hours disappeared down
the capacious nav of the family
Thomas G. cat --Lockpon Union.
nos IT WORRIED.
There ~as n man In our town,
lie vas 20 wondruus wise.
lie shoaghs his business would run itsoli
And he didnf advertise.
well, business was dun Il flrsa
But better tunes came. and iss qneaE.
One day with rurh he cold all his ntnlr.