The Portland daily press., 1881-05-31
The Spoopendykes.
They Discuss the Political Situation.
brooklyn Eagle.1

brooklyn Eagle
SIS there any truth in the story that Mr..
Garfield has killed Senator Conkling?' in
quired Mrs. Spoopendyke, fitting the sleeve
into the armhole and running in the basting.
mol" calculated Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Where'd you get that? Mr.. Conkling has re-
signed, but he amt dead.''
81 read that he had got into some difficulty
with Mr. Garfield, and Mr.. Garfield had
dragged him all around by the ear and finally
they had to take Mr.. Conkling away to save
his life, though he died afterward."
''Who said SOP" demanded Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "Where'd you read anything like that?"
II read it on a pattern that Mrs. Winter
botham loaned me for an overskrt I'm sure
it's So" replied Mrs. Spoopendyke.
sect the pattern" said Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Show it to me''
Mrs. Spoopendyke unrolled the pattern and
commenced to read:
''The complications at Washington have as
sumed the most exciting shape. To-day the
troubles between Garfield and Conkling cul-
minated by Conklng ssizing HIM by the
throat and holding on while the crowd yelled
with delight. Twenty to one was offered, but
Garfield remains firm and declares that the
Administration will not yield. This position
aroused the crowd to frenzy. 1t is said that
Conkling really desires to retire to private life,
but Garfield at that moment planted his teeth
in his game adversary's car and dragged him
around until the friends OF Conkling were
compelled to interfere to save the poor things
life. He was taken home, but died in few
minutes Thore!,' said Mrs. Spoopendyke tri-
umphantly. 81 told you so."
"Show me!'' said Mr.. Spoopendyke, jump
ing up and seizing the pattern. where dive
find such dod gasted nonsense as that? Where
is it?'
"There, it begins under the ruffle, then it
runs over on the band and down on the gore
and ends here on the plating. / knew I'D
seen it" and Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled pleas
antly.
whats the matter with you, you measly
idiot?" howled Mr.. Spoopendyke. This is
where you get your political information, is it?
This is the source of your intelligence on ma
tional affairs? All you want is two more
patterns and a bald head to be o constitutional
lawyer! Three overskirts and pair of specta-
cles would make you supreme Judge! What
dye think this is?''
isn't it right?" faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"Did you read from the ruffle over to the band
and down to the gore
eyes, 1 did, didn't II" squeaked Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, ''and so did you didn't you? Do you
know what you've got here?''
"Isn't pat
"Dod gast the pattern-I mean the print
Part of it is about Garfield, part about Conk-
ling, and the rest dog fight out on Long Is
land. Know what it is now? Think you can
understand it now I've explained it to you?
Oh, you can! You've got brains! Some dayI IN
going to run pipe in your ear and start a
phosphorus factary" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
danced out of the room, leaving it strewn with
pattern dust.
II don't care" sobbed Mrs Spoopendyke, sit
read all right, and the skirt fitted so nicely
that supposed the articles were put together
straight. And it was so perfectly natural any
body might make the same mistake. It's so
like most of the news from Washington that
I've been expecting it every day." and Mrs.
Spoopendyke overcast the sleeve with the Sc
rene conviction that after all you've got to
patch newspaper into pattern to get at the
actual facts some times.