Daily Los Angeles herald., 1881-05-27
ARTeMus WARD.
ssma OF tho Franks of the Genial Humorlst.

Sama Of tho Franks Of the Genial Humorlst.
T.once shared his room aud bed
at q miserable tavern in Oxford
county. The house was old and
riokety, the window ratified hide
ously in the easement, the chill
November wind came through a
couple of broken panes with too
much force for comfort, and sleep
was nearly impossible. After toss
ing and turning awhile in q vain
endeavor to court forg etfulness,
Artemus rose, and lifting the lamp
made a most solemn survey of the
room In every part. Presently he
emerged from a deep closet in a
corner with q dilapidated hoop
skirt in his hand, which he gravely
hung up before the window. snow
what are you doing?" was asked
of him. Artemus slowly placed
the lamp on the floor, turned on
me a look of pity, and with an ar
gumentative gesture of his hand
half muttered to himself: "Twill
keep out the ccarest of the cold,
anyway"
l do not remember to have ever
seen any notice of Artemus's happy
use of pantomime in his humorous
moods among his friends and asso.
ciates. There was an unapproach.
able eloquence, sometimes, in 1t.
He had way of making quota
tion marks in the air with his left
and right foretinger, on occasion,
that was irresistably funny. Once
he was engaged to fill an evening
in the lecture course OF a popular
literary institution of a New Eng.
land city. During the lecture an
individual who occupied seat on
one of the front benches seemed de.
termined to resist the speakers eff.
forts to make him laugh. Arte-
mus soon discovered both the
listener and his intention, and con.
eentrated all his powers on him.
For q long time it seemed as il the
man had the best OF 1t; but by and
by one of Browns queer concsits
took effect. The obstinate fellow
gave way, laughed and kicked like
. delighted schoolboy. Artemus
celebrated his victory by coolly an.
nouncing to his audience: "Ladies
and gentlemen, this will terminate
the first act, and we will drop the
curtain for o few moments; while
the scenery is being arranged for
the next act the lecturer will take
occasion to go out and see man" !"
And with perfect sang froid he left
the platform for the ante-room,
where he quietly refreshed himself
with-weak tea and cracker, and
glesfally told the story of his con.
test.
Halt a dozen of his associa tas
were sitting one day in his roou at
the village hotel where he boarded,
when sn old woman drove up to
the store opposite with q pair OF
donkeys "A jack and jenny
hitched to little wagon. Jack
was the noisiest brute in the coun-
try. He had voice worse than the
handle Of town pump on frosty
morning and was proud of 1t. In a
minute his tail rose to horizontal, ,
his lips parted and the beast blew
his Internal blast. A second and
third time it was repeated. Arte-
mus quietly thought "that thing
might be fixed" and disappeared
from the room. He went over and
appeared to make careful inspec-
tiOu of the fore wheels Of the wag-
on, the harness and the hitchup,
and came back saying that the
donkey was all right; the brute
must have made IL mistake about
something. Presently there were
indications OF movement on
Jacks part; the neck was extended,
the lips curled and the tail rOse-to
the pivotal point and no further.
The trumpet didn't sound. Jack
thought there was mistake some-
where - hesitated - reflected-and
tried again. The front part, some
oft, was all right, but the equilib.
rum could not be reached. After
q time another attempt was made
but failed. Jack turned.his head
around to ascertain the cause of the
failure, but couldn't see any. The
dfth vain attempt to bray was fol-
lowed by spiteful kick at Jenny,
but 1t didn't cure the matter. At
last be gave 1t up and stood at that
store door the most neglected look
Ing, discontented donkey in exist
ence. Meanwhile, Artemus enjoy
cd the fun and discharged a rat
Ting fusilade OF pungent humor
and kept the party in a roar and
made the whole affair one of the
m ost ludicrous that 1 ever expert.
enced. Artemus had attached o
heavy stone to the donkey's tail,
leaving just play enough to the
cord to allow the beast to get his
tail nearly up to "concsrt pitch"