, 1881-05-15
HOW THEY MISSED THE NIASQUER-
ADE.

HOW THEY MISSED THE N1AsQUER-
ADE.
Nrooktpn Eagle
"Say, my dear" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, as
he hurried in, hot and breathless, late from
his business, "did you get me fancy dress
for the masquerade to-night?"
"It's all ready" replied Mrs, ,Spoopendyke,
beaming. "You go as-lct ME see-I 60 as a
Spanish guitar girl; and you go as-as-it's
either Louis Fourteenth, or Oliver Cromwell.
or Sir Robert Burns. I've forgotten which
the man called it."
81 do, do ]? ?" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, glar-
ing around. ''I go as one Of 'el1, do I? As
| they are all dead, and as will do for all
three, p'raps you got coffin. Show me the
coffin. Fetch out the interconvertiDle cata-
falque and help me OIL with it. Has it got
sleeves?'
.''It isn't coffin, explained Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. ''It is a doublet and
Its a doublet, is it,. Well, that relieves
me of one Of 'ei1. Thought from the way
you. spoke. Mrs. Spoopendyke, it was
triplet. Is there Il trousers with it.? Got
didn't did ' Fetch out Il lis cromwell M % business!
Show me this man Burns! ANY sword 80
with it?''
Mrs. Spoopendyke brought forth a worn
red velvet jacket, trlmmet! with tarnlsled
breeches, slaslled up the side. This she sup
plementcd with a felt hat, and q pair Of jack
boots armed with spurs.
''Maybe it is Il bandits suit, after all, - she
(which is the Louis Fourteenth end OF
this thing?" demanded MIR. Spoopendyke.
s'Wflere does the Oliver Cromwell part be
gino. Show me the Burns element on this
schedule! If I'm going to get into this thing
measIy King aid wind OFF With The dod.
g;ssted poet Which is the king part?'' and
Mr. Spoopendykc shot ont of his business
suit and drew on the velvet trousers.
''Wlere'5 the rest of 'e1n?'' he demanded,
s.This whole thing is only one leg. Where's
the pair for the other leg? Give me some
more trousers" and Mr.. SpOopenlyke
scowIed about him.
''Don't the boots come up to meet them?"
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, in some trepida-
Air. Spoopendyke pulled on the boots, but
still there was an exposed space OF nearly a
II s'pose this bare-legsed arrangement is
" lie was Highlander. and this much OF me
is Burns. Show me the Cromwell part now.
Is that hat it - and Mr. Spoopendyk lie put on
rest Of me? nv head end legs are all right;
bring out my back and stomacii!"
Mrs Spoopendyke handed him the jacket,
and he plunged into it with q jerk.
THAT what you wanted!,' he howled:
'Couldn't you make more'n three epochs of
me: Didn't the man have but three histor-
ical dates fPlll that jacket down a aconp1eof
centuries, can't ye? Don't you see the bot
tom OF the dos-Easted thing is 200 years from
reaching the w0lstband Of the Burns breecll-
es - and 3tr. Spoopendyke tugged at the alb
b1eviated coat and sllorted with wrath.
''Maybe that was the way it was meant to
go?' 'arg1led Mrs. Spoopendyke. "1saw.---"
You sawed off the coat and pants! Now,
'em out again! When did Cromwell wear
that hat? What kind Of a bet did he win
that on? Say, where's the scafold that goes
with these measly politicians? Fetch out
the headsnlan = and Slr. Spoopeudyke danced
some Charles +. to hide my legs! Praise
God from whom alt blessings How for man
was made to mourn because his head was
chopped OFF, shrIeketl ATr. Spoopendyke,
in one sr:.,,d yell. "Fetcll me three Shippers
for one dol-gasted old idiot that trusted his
wife to find Il suit for llim!'' and Mr.: Spoop-
endyke thrust his arm to the shoulder
through the Coyenanter's hat and split the
coat of the lalnenteu Louis from tail to col
lar-Dand. 'tLoo]l out for some Scotch ro-
lla1cc!'' aud he ripped off the pants and fired
them into the crate. ''11ere comes another
page in the annals Of criule!' and the boots
went out the window.
sand we-can't go-go to the-mas--
masquerade at all!'' sobbed Mrs. spoopen-
Write all epitapl on the back of my neck,
end I'll e as 3zn beS s E
70 as 4 French flat! Discharge the hired
girl and get up cold dinner, and III go as
clearinghouse! But it you think rm going
to any 1neasly masquerade in bare legs like 4
h1h1 11>I f,pr x3,n1l ri