Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-03-09
FUNNYGRAPHS.

pecks make a bUshel?
IT is reported that one of the members
for Wicklow, in the heat of an Grafton in
the house. Of commons few evenings
ago, uttered the following "bulT":: 4" As
long as Ireland is silent under her wrongs,
England is deaf to her cries.
IF you were an editor, and a poem
builder should tender you production
In which the word Sc wafture" stood out
in bold relief, would you watt your ink
stand at his head? Or would you nearly
die of lafture?'
TEACHER-'sDid not tell you to be
prepared with your history lesson? And
here you are unable to repeat word of
it." Scholarly didn't think it was
necessary, sir; I've always heard that
history repeats ITSELF
"WHY should. a red cow give white
milk ?" was the subject for discussion in
a suburban agricultural club. After an
hours debate the secretary of the meet
ing was instructed to milk the COW and
bring in decision according to the mer-
it's of the milk. It was blue-NeW Ha-
zen Register.
A New ORLEANS man lately cabled to
friend in Cuba: ''Send me one or two
monkeys. The reply came back:
"Shipped you seventyfve; will send
rest as soon as can be found" The tel
egram had gone: 'eSend me 1O2 mon
keys" The balance of twenty-seven
have been countermanded.
ga COLLECTION will now be taken up"
said the minister. S$Deacon Swipes,
will you pass ?"-and that good man
I L. L FL e
hymn-books, replied: "No, I'll order
it up, by thunder!" and then the minis
ter dealt him dreadful look, and the
good man passed out.
A STATUE is to be erected at West
Point in honor of General Sylyanus
Thayer, who was one of the founders of
the military academy. He was lieu
tenant of engineers in the army in 1903,
and retired in 1853 as colonel. Two
years later he received the brevet rank
of brigadier-general and died in 1872.
AN article in an exchange is headed,
"Suicide of Locomotive" owing to
tender attachment, probably. It should
have been "switched oftener when
young. -Norristoav Herald. Perhaps
it was boiler something else that
IC3fGWGOTCGUC
letin.
FIGARO represents little boy as ask
ing, Papa, what, then, is it that dis
tinguishes civilization from barbarian
ism % ''Oh, it is quite simple" replies
the parent; " civilization kills its enemy
at 5000 metres with cannon ball, and
barbarianism chops off his head with
sabre"
"WHAT is the difference between
canoes and intaglios ?" asked success
full broker of one of his lambs. 'sSimp-
~ this" replied the lamb: "Since we
became acquainted my fortune is in in
taglio and your cheek is cameo. That is
to say, my fortune is sank and your
cheek stands out in relief Boston
Transcript
A LITTLE miss has grandfather who
has taught her to open and shut his
crush hat. The other day, however, he
came with an ordinary silk one. Sud
denly he sees the child coming with the
new stovepipe wrinkled like an accor-
dean. "Oh, grandfather" she says,
''this one is very hard. I've had to suit
on it. but can't get it more than half
shut. "-Paris Figaro.
A MAN died the other day in Boston,
and some of his friends offered to lay out
the body. It was found necessary to
call in assistance, and an Irishman was
summoned. In moving the corpse the
head was left without support and drop
ped back, wherein, naturally enough,
the eyes and mouth opened. The as
tonished Irishman gave yell and rushed
from the room, calling out to the mourn
ers: "Wait till 1 get shtick and I'll
kill him shurep'
LITTLE Oracle had been told it was
impolite to take the last biscuit on the
table. The other morning, at breakfast,
she was observed to gaze long and earn
estly at the solitary biscuit on the bread
plate. The temptation at last proved too
great Reaching for the coveted morsel,
she exclaimed: "Oh, mamma, Use al
most 'tarved dess / won't be polite
to-day. I'll wait till tome day when L
amt so hungry.-Boston Transcript.
THEY attended the same little Episco-
pal church and DIS pew was directly
in front of that of Judge Kent. Now,
Judge D. had very slow end i'm
pressive way of repeating the responses
and sometimes Jagged little behind the
rest OF the congregation. Judge kent
waited one morning quietly till he got at
just the right place In the service and
then as the creed was being said, he lean
ed forward and whispered into the ear of
his friend, Judge D., out loud
enough to eonvulse the immediate circle
with unseemly laughter: "Judge D
I wish you could manage to <descend
into hell little quicker"
A GALVESTON man met friend from
the country ON the street. Chow do
you come on?" exclaimed the former.
sWhen I last heard of you you had
lawsuit on hand with Tom Smith about
a fine horse. How did that end 2" "I
won it. I completely got away with
Tom. You see the justice was the most
honest man in the world, so / wrote him
note asking him to accept the inclosed
SIS bill" ''I should think the Judge
would have lu1ed AGAINST Won for irving