St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-03-25
Squibs.

A young lady at ball called her beau
an Indian, because he was on her trail
all the time.
A letter should always be carried
write side up.
A mother had taught her little girl to
repeat, at a Sunday school concert, the
text, "Ho, every one that thirsteth,
come We to the watersm When evening
came, she very calmly, with perfect
self-possession, said, Every one that
hoes, come and drink" Her astonisb-
ment was great when she saw the
laughter of the audience.
Bergh is always getting up something
new in the Humanitarian line. 1t is uD-
derstOod that he offers large cash
prize for the best essay in answer to the
question, "How shall we make outdoor
life attractive to the mosquito ?" We've
got it: go outdoors yourself ~ Re-
init by registered letter, pOst-Office Or
der, or draft on Boston, Lowell Citi-
zen.
Young Mallory De Smith, who extermi-
mates melody with a fiddle, met old Col.
NOrthcote yesterday, and said to him
Colonel, you must be on hand tonight
L
to hear some really good music. | will
give few solos on the violin to few
invited guests, and afterward, at !
o'clock, we will have some refreshments
oysters, wine, cigars, you know"
"My dear boy, | will be on hand just
little after G. Rely on me- Calves
ton News.
Why is Cook, the organizer of excur-
siOns, like a working man. Because
the worker lives by his two hands,
while Cook lives by his tourists.
A Galveston darkey called at law
yer's office a short time ago, and sail
he wanted divorce. SIS your wife
unfaithfn p asked the lawyer. Oats
jest hit, Two months ago | tole her to
put ont a clean shirt for me to put on,
and she amt done it yit."
A citizen of one of the Hudson river
towns said to the young man who
visited his daughter that he couldn't
afford to have so much wood burned in
| the parlor stove evenings tho young
man must come less often, OF quit earli
er, or furnish his own wood. Next day
two cords of good hard wood were pur
chased by the young man, and piled in
/ the citizens yard, with big sigu over
the pile, reading, For use nights
only"
The following correspondence over
| the telephone wires yesterday is a fur
ther proof of the fact that no one but
bald headed man could do without one
"Hello, central :" "IIello - "ConDect
me with the Signal Bureau" "All
right-go aheadr "Hello, signal -
"HellO!' SIS it going to thaw to-day ?"
eyes, there are Indications" Chow is
the wind p "Gettiug around to the
SOUTH "DO you think | can safely
have my hair cut ?" "Wait "A minute
until | can consult the barometer, Their
mometer and wind gauge" Silence
for half a minute. "HellO ~ "IellO ~
Eyes, you can go ahead. There won't
be any change to speak of for the next
twelve hours. There is cold wave
moving up the Ohio River. aud a snow
storm is reported at Cheyenne, but if
we're YOU I'd take my chances on the
hair-cutting." "Ail right - much
obliged" Good by Kansas City
Times.
\ drag. driven by an elegantly at
tired lady, with a trim and neatly
dressed cOlOred boy perched on the
fOotman's seat behind, was passing
through the street, when it was espied
by an old negro woman. "Bress de
, Lord" she exclaimed, raising her hands
as she spoke, "bress de Lord, | never
'spected to soc dat. Wonder what dat
: yonng chilled gemman pays dat white
'oman for driving dat kerridge
know'd it'd come, but never 'spected 10
lib to see it. Dis bigga's ready to go
way now"