The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1881-07-15


sscs that when I was down ter Norfolk IN
seq . sbe,l burst right Ia front o. me, ond
the contents lodged right plum IN my
stomach. IN Pm alive now"
Same thing happened TO me uoWn On
the wharf day before Yesterday" :,
The two frauds gazed at each other as II
irving 10 see which was the biggest re-
mancer. They were both telling the truth
for ihIs once. They had INDUCED 10 Nirgi'
MIA oysters "on the hail."
pradent and sorebanded Scotch woman
yves one Maggie Dee. One bonnet nae
served her turn for upwards OF dozen
wears, and some ladies who iiyed ~ the
neiqhborhood, In Offering TO give ner
new one. asked her whether she would pre-
fer silk or straw ss material. "Weh, my
Ieddies,, said old Maggie, after eareiul oe-
liberation. "since you insist on gPen me :
baunet think Pll taxi straw ane; II may
be mouthfu' to the coo when Pm through
Wit"
"I can's very well express which II
what there--I do not--you are yery-l am
not, sir, unsensible-tbe fact Is" SAID Tue
dafident man, suddenly called to his feet ioi
a speech at public dinner, I" l can't make
speech, and can't say anything wonio
understand or you would wish to hear, DuI
4 n n pIeases YOU to see me blush ana swear
/ will stand here on one leg and perspire toi
the next ten minutes" They let him on.-
Hasokeye.
A London paper regrets that IN SOME
public places young ladies are not free IRON
| insolent, unwelcome attentions, ana men
tiops a case where young lady was en-
hraced and kissed against her will. English
girls sometimes call for The police. IL is dlf'
ferent in our West. A Wyoming girl met
bear on the highway, and it made demon
STATIONS which caused her to fear that she
was TO be Rugged. She made the first attack
and the bear died.
"What are you crying about, my lady 80
said the Good Samaritan TO an uichin VINO
was churning both eyes with his dirty INST.
"Folks have all gone to the country Tor
| the summer and left me here Alone"
"UnfeelIng parents; where nave they
gone tor"
"Ma's gone to the poorhouse, and pops
gone TO the penitentiary. -BrooEty''
Eagle.
Canadians are commenting upon The fact
that the late dispatch sent by The Princess
Louise 10 the Marquis OF Lorne was signed
"Princess Louise" instead Of "LOuise,"
according to her former custom. Pretty
soon we shall probably hear about Lorne
going over TO England and filling some dry
goods clerk full of bucksbot. American
customs are spreading.
At the summer resort First week.
ladies, is given to showing your dresses (;
second week, to telling where you went last
m falling Qhnnf fhp
BrowHs, who have gone home; fourth
week. to complaints OF the house. After
the fourth week life at a summer resort is
insu6ferably dull. Boston Transcript.
Be comforted. DR.. Bills says it will not
be necessary for the four surgeons in charge
to enter the abdominal cavity. 1t was the
fear OF these four men tramping round
there in their boots that was worrying the
President.
William Horace Lingard has written a
sequel TO "Pinafore" and proposes to bring
il out. There was noodle up in Vermont
who finished Dickens's edwin Drood,"
We believe, but it didn't dc the noodle any
credit.
~ am leading a dogs llie," lately re.
marked Mr.. Gladstone. Eyes" replied
Lord Houghton, who was standing near,
"the lie Of st. Bernard, which is spent
in saving the lives Of Others"
Old gentleman greeting friend: " Hullo,
Jolkirs, been fishing? What did you
catch?" Jorkins (gloomily): "Ha'-past 9
train home. "-Punch.
Albany has ordered 800 electric-lights.
Owners Of property don't dare to let it get
very dark when the Legislature is there
Boston Post.
No Christian gentleman will allow his
sidewalks TO be made impossible by snow
drifts this weather, so long as his wife IS
able to use the shovel.-DericE.
1t feels very much as il the thermometer
had joined the. newspapers in Il ferOcious
and atrocious" conspiracy to ruin Conk-
ling.
They lynched one hundred and eight men
in Arkansas last year. 1t is an expeditions
but hardly an elegant way OF promoting
emigration to the undiscovered country.
II President Garfield RECEIVERS the Han
cock and English and Garfield and Arthur
battalions OF Newburyport, Mass, will
unite in torchIight parade.
Marshall Jewell told a political inter-
viewer: 81 am more deeply interested in
the tobacco crop Of the Connecticut Valley
than in politics just now"
King Kalakaua's protracted drunk is the
reigniDg sensation in London. Joe EN-
NETS was but an innocent tipple in CON-
parlsoD.