Middletown transcript., 1881-03-25
Tht cNliddlttulpn Granstript.
CHIPS.

The New Orleans Picayune says that
man should be the boss Of himself.
But suppose the poor fellow is married ?
Philadelphia Bulletin.
In six-day's walk Hughes slept but
twenty hours. Instead of pedestrian,
nature evidently intended that man for
the father of twins.-DetrOit Free
Press.
If there is any difficulty about decid-
ing where to hold the state fair, we
would suggest that rocking chair or
sofa would be a good place Wheel
ing Journal.
There are two things wanting to
make New York's Worlds Fair sue
cess. One is a change of site, and the
other is sight of "change. ."-Herad
qf NorriStown.
A Columbus, Ohio, editor says
'Ask us not to smile" :" Those who
have no desire to expend fifteen cents
Ill lulS ulE6CllOlls udu DSllCl 1OllON lllo
Injunction n.-IpdianapoIiS Herald.
The Philadelphia Item admits that
Honesty is the best policy" Not only
is it the best policy, but there is no end
to the fun one can have, fooling people.
George ". Peck, IN Milordukee Sun.
1t now turns out that people have
been poisoned by licking envelopes with
their tongues. Things will get so,
after time, that man can't lick his
wife with any safety.-Syrac,tse Times.
Marie R0ze has been photographed
in one hundred and tifty-eight different
positions. The only person who can
beat her for variety Of attitudes is
boy told to sit still on a chair at
funeral.-Bostor Post.
There are always compensations for
all things. You may set dogs on me and
refuse me bite now and then; but |
never expect to have bombs thrown
under my carriage. Philosophical
Tramp, in NeD York Star.
''My son." said pious Oakland
parent on his return from the east,
''have you yet experienced religion ?"
II guess SO" was the reply, Eat least
that is, was badly bitten in horse
trade by a deacon. ."-San Francisco
Wasp.
The Delaware peach crop may be
failure, but the blow will not fall with
such crushing force when the official
announcement is made that enough ice
has been reaped to sherry cobbler the
nation until late in Modern
Argo.
An old couple were walking down
street the other day reading signs, when
they ran across one which the old man
read, "Johnson's Shirt Store 2 "Well,
I declare" !" exclaimed the old lady, "I
wonder how he tore it ?"-Kokonlo
Tribune.
What this nation is groaning for just
now is big ugly streak of strong
lightning to burst the sky-girt thongs
that hold it and strike Henry Vennor
where it will kill him colder than some
of the billiards. he manufactures =
Williamsport Breakfast Table.
President Chase, of Haverford Col
lege, says the Bible has 10000 errors
which the new revision will make
straight. Considering how our fore
fathers were Handicapped, it is wonder
how any of them figured out their eter-
nal peace. Someruille journal.
81 play only by note, {" said a pianist.
'Seems to me you could do more execu-
ton if you would play by ear,'' re-
marked Fogg. "Such a reach, you
know" And the pianist reached for
Fogg, who got himself out of the way
just in time.-BoSton Transcript.
Tompkins was found snoring on a
door-mat down town the other morn
ing at a. M, and when the police
man shook him he yelled so loud that
you could hear him four block: ''It's
your turn to build the tire-and swear
won't get up !''- Williamaport Break
fast Table.
Rats gnawed the business end of some
matches in Lewiston, and the result
was burned-down house. Which was
rather gnawed result. -Rocklaad
Courier. Should think it was an gnaw-
full result.-RoHe Senttne'. 1t was
gnawty but twas mice. WdHiams0ort
Breakfast Table.
''Do you realize it, Angelica, !"
whispered Clarence to his betrothed !;
''only two weeks more and We will be
one but, remember, darling, am to
be that one." And then the angelic
creature silently stole to the piano and
touchingly warbled, 30, to be Moth
ing !''- Yonkers Statesman.
Parson Bledsoe Of the Blue Light
Colored Tabernacle did a mean thing
yesterday. He was passing the house
Of Jim Webster, on Galveston avenue.
Jim was standing at the door, and
called out ''Parson Bledsoe 0 Par
son Bledsoe come in and hab a piece
of cake and a glass Of wine Dis heah
is my buff-day." The reverned gentle
man accepted the invitation There
was large uncut cake On the table,
and Jim urged his guest to cut himself
a slice. "Whar shall cut de cake ~
jess cut it whar you pleases." ''I'se
much obIeeged to YER Jeems. I be-
lieve III cut it at my own house." and,
wrapping up the cake in newspaper,
he carried it off under his arm. Jim
Webster has since severed his connec-
tions with the tabernacle. E.
Street, in GalueSton NelCs.