The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1881-04-30
Communicated
STREET TALK.


AIold fellow who signs himself " vincit' is
seriously exercised about the improper tone OF
some of my remarks, and gets up some indigna-
ton against the p. c. ADVERTISER in general !;
but consoles himself with the assurance that he
and several of his friends will not be obliged to
read it much longer, as the prepaid term OF sub
| scription will expire in a few weeks.
Now this reminds me of a man I saw at Hon
Yick's feed crib, the other day. He was tucking
in a mess of corn beef, cabbage, and potatoes.
along with some sausage, mango pie, and solid
s~aleratus cake, all at the same time, when he
came across a bit, that gave him a sour brash,
and made him feel a peculiar inwardness. He
looked at his platter with a puckered grin, and
giving a shake of his head and drawing in his
breath with a kissing sound of suction, said,
between his teeth " Well, I've gone nv quarter
on you, and I'm bound to worry you down."
And so this sordid dog, Vincit, is bound to
swallow the ADVERTISER, bad as he saws il is, SO
long as he has a bit or two invested in its perusal.
THE JUDD FAMILY.
AS l heard several folks say ON the street that
Charlie Judd will be back on the next steamer
and as he and | had been chums-and wanting to
feel sure about his coming, / dropped in on a
crusty old official for information: and he let
down on me as follows
81 am not aware, sir, that there is any official
notice of the return Of the Lord Chamberlain.
but it is possible that he will be back shortly to
attend to the assessorship of this district. 1t is
true that he and his family now hold nineteen
official and honorary positions, yet they will not
neglect this twentieth one as it may have some
political, as well as financial bearing"
" What Nineteen government Jobs in the
Judd family, / exclaimed with open mouthed
amazement, as l had not been looking into
things.
81 did not say jobs, young man but official
and honorary positions. They hold-two port
follos, four Commissions as Privy Councillors,
two Presidencies of Boards, two Patents of No.
bility, two Commissionerships of Crown Lands,
three Memberships of Boards, one JudCeship,
and four decorations of honorary orders of this
country, besides foreign decorations"
Hold on J" / exclaimed, "you have now
enumerated twenty bilets without the Assessor
ship, which makes twenty-one; or a royal round
of official honors :-surely the Judd family is a
royal one and must have some grip or grit, or 90,
to hold on to so much sway and swag in one
Independent kingdom"
L shall think more Of Charlie when he gets
back, especially if he comes in his japanese toy
gerry, with the order of the Chrysanthemum and
two or three Mandarin tails besides.
My son, said old pub. func. grimly, "Th
large official holding you admire so much, is not
owing to any of the qualities you SO tersely and
euphoniously state but chiefly TO the fact that
some are sons of their fathers, and others are
the husbands of their wives"
A SPECIAL"
1 called to see an old mate with whom | had
been on "A cruise and rs he had been dead broke
for some time / was glad to tell him that had
got him a job, to dig and grub and do some tree
planting in a nabob's lot ont on the plains, at a
dollar a day.
Not much, old fell, said he, dropping his
right eye lid, and protruding his tongue from the
starboard quarter of his jaw, My terms are
four dollars n day and travelling expenses to
On my intimation that this was ungratefuI
and irrelevant gas on his part he explained.
" Well, you see, sonny, this is the way of it.
There is Jones-not our Jones, not Peter but p.
who is a big spoke in the Pahala concern,
where | teamed it n while. And Jones said
he'd got to go, and look after the morality, and
the mules and other matters of that plantation,
and he persuaded his pard, the President Of the
Board of Stealth, that he had to hurry up, and
could not be bothered with an embargo in sick
bay for a term Of weeks, but must get of by the
first Iwalani, and if his pard, the President could
not trust his honor, or parole on the trip, as
perhaps he knew him too well, he would take a
policeman along, as travelling guard, who would
take care that nobody should come within fifteen
feet of him. And Simmons, you know, who was
looking for a Job like myself, and wanted TO 90
wind ard, any how, goes up with Jones at 50 a
day, and travelling expenses, and so / am on the
same lay. I've just found an old fellow, lousy
with dums, who says he wants TO go and look &C
plantation on Hawaii, and as there is n brigade
of planters who want to sell, he will no doubt
get a permit to go, and ] am TO 20 with him as
special billy. Now you see, as the quarantine
are not to let any one come within
fifteen feet of the bird you are set to watch I've
got me a two foot rule and a piece of chalk,
(holdlng up the two articles, } so ] can measure
of the forbidden space, chalk my dead line, and
then let the beggars who are on the trade, blaze.
away After hearing this / retired with my
ignoIninious dollar a day job.