davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10
An ORGANISMS Mistake.

Mr.. HowL's funeral was one of the
most exciting episodes that ever occur
red in this country. The trouble all
originated from the wickedness of young
Ragbag. The organist at. the church
where the ceremony was to take place
hasn't heard note of music for ten
years, being considerably deafer than q
post. But he wouldn't give up hissposi-
ton, all the same, and as he couldn't
hear what psalms the minister gave out
that parsonage always took the music
book and putin marksfat theipieces de-
sired. Young Ragbag knew this, and
the day before the funeral he got into
the church, captured the book, which
the minister had prepared for the or
ganist, removed the cover and had it
put upon a book of the popular airs of
the day. Then he put the marks into
the book and placed it upon the organ
lists desk. When the day of the funeral
came, the organist took up the book,
which he recognized by the cover,
opened it at the first mark and as people
filed into the church began to play. The
air was "The Skids Are out Today"
but though the music read a little queer
to him, the old man couldn't hear it and
didn't know anything was wrong. But
the people were shocked and didn't
know what to make of it. However, he
stopped before anybody could interfere,
as nobody said anything. After the
people got seated, The clergyman en-
tered, and as he went up the aisle. the
organ pealed forth "The Rogue's
March," and somehow the people
Uttered and the clergyman got very red
in the face, and an usher was sent to
look to the old man. But as he couldn't
make the organist hear without below
ing like bull, and he didn't want to
do that nothing was effected. The
mourners were very mad, though. The
ceremony began and, presently, the
minister gave out a hymn. He knew
that would be right. But it wasn't.
The choir wanted to sing: g Nearer to
Thee, but the organ pealed out &C Down
in Coal Mine'' 80 loudly as TO drown
their voices That was too much.
three deacons and all the male mourners
rose and started for the organ loft.
The old man thought they were getting
up to go out and struck into the =" Multi
gan Guards By the time they got at
him they were wild with rage. He never
quite understood how he managed to
get thrown from the loft upon the heads
of the people below, who rolled him up
and down the aisle and finally ran
him out of doors and threw him into an
old dry well. But he does know that he
has lost his position as organist and that
Mr.. Howl's remains were again obse-
quied the next day without proceedings
disgraceful to civilized communi.y y
Boston Post.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10
PITH AND POINT.

SOME of the most timid girls are not
frightened by loud bang .-Loa0eU. Cit
izen. 80 Bg4S
To win, work and wait-but work a
good, deal more than you wait.-Yo1-
kers Statesman.
s'Two bits in the West means quar-
ter of dollar. st. Louis paper. In
the East it means death to the dog
Ne,0 York Graphic.
E A GREAT many people owe their gen.
tlemanly appearance to their clothes,
and a great many owe their clothes to
the tailor.-Detroit Free Press.
ADVERTISING is good deal like fish
ing, the more lines you throw out the
more you are apt to catch. But be
judicious; do not throw out bait that
cannot be swallowed. y onkers States
man.
DOMESTIC ECoNoMY-The art of liv-
ing on nothing while doing good BUSH
ness. Political economy-The art of al
ways keeping on the right side of the
party in power. Social economy
The art of living off somebody doing q
good business, without doing any bust
ness yourself. Toronto Grip. ...-
"WHY should red COW give white
milkP'' was the subject for discussion in
a suburban agricultural club. After an
hours debate the secretary of the meet
ing was instructed to milk the COW and
bring in decision according to the
merits of the milk. 1t was blue.-NeW
Haven Register.
A wELL-To-Do farmer strobe into q
jewelry store at Muncie, few days ago,
and paid for ring he confessed to have
stolen from the proprietor fifteen years
ago. He said he had sheen in hell'
ever since. If it took fifteen years of it
to goad him up to paying for that ring,
it can't be such bad place as it has
been made out.--BoStofs Post.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10
George Eliot.

The author of "Adam Bede, I" "Silas
Mariner, |" "Romola," s'Middlemarch,"
and "Daniel Deronda'' was woman of
extraordinary insight and reasoning
power, with mental training and COM
prehensive requirement which, without
her imaginative genius, would have
made her famous not only among
women, but among all contemporaries.
There is some disposition, accordingly,
and naturally, to underestimate her
high and beautiful imagination. But if
the lofty company of "Shakespeare's
women, as Shelley called. them, re-
ceived no real addition until Scott's
Jeanne Deans, has there been any such
permanent and noble accession to their
society since Jeanne Deans as Dinah and
RomolaP Dickens women are anus
ing, Thackeray's Becky Sharp is an en-
during figure of its kind, Jane Eyre is
pathetic,e and lovely throng fiutter
through sall the lesser novels; but for
mingled dignity intelligence, pathos and
supreme womanliness, the range of our
imaginative literature shows no nobler
forms than Dinah and Romola.
Miss Burney, Miss Austen, Charlotte
Bronte, and George Eliot are the chief
Englishwomen among the novelists, and
unquestionably the one of greatest
power is she who lately died. The dis
tinctions among them are absolutely
marked. The first two conformed to
Scott's assertion that the business of the
story-teller is to amuse; the last two
were inspired by the humane desire Of
great souls not only to amuse but to as
sist mankind. How far this desire Is q
constituent element of creative genius,
and whether, If the moral purpose be
excluded severely from art, the moral
result is not more surely attained, we
need not now consider. 1t is very pos
sibly true. It is possible that Scott will
outlive the distinctively humane school,
and that he and Shakespeare and
Homer are moral only as nature is
moral, and therefore more deeply and
effectively moral than any other literary
influence can be. But none the less the
great genius which was lately withdrawn
from us, and which will be always
known in literary history as George
Eliot, will be always honored also as
one of the greatest literary forces in our
common language.-E Editors Easy
Chair, in Harper's Magazine. rss y
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10
SCIENCE AND INDUSTRY.

-~J00BPH-AEBERf,-th tho -rencWned-M u-
mich photographer, has invented new
process by which it is said that be, Is en-
ebled to produce picturesof p9sons md
objects with the finest shades ;of their
natural color.
The various urban sanitary suthori.
ties of England and Wales have expend-
ed no les an mount than S75, OOO, 900
during the last five years in works of q
sanitary snstura; and Judging from the
steadily sdecreasing death-rate of the
period, Il - inplied that the large sum
has been iudiciously laid out. The ex-
ample is one that might well be followed,
and that with profit, by many localities
in this country.
A REMARKABLE bed Of kaoline, COW
ering an area of eighty acres and of a con-
siderable depth, has been discovered
near Bremond, Tex. A factory for the
manufacture of the article into porce-
lain ware has been established at New
Orleans, and it is, said is turning out
work fully equal to that made from i'm
ported kaoline, and which.will compare
favorably with ware made in Europe
and other foreign countries.
THE number of elementary substances
recognized in chemistry has now reached
over g.. though for many years past it
has been expected that this number
would be diminished rather than in
creased by the discovery = that these
supposed elementary substances are
really various compounds of q few.
Spectroscopic observations and chemical
mathematics can be made to demon
strate that probably the four remarkable
substances, oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen
and carbon, constitute the whole earth
and its inhabitants.
ACooRDTNG to the Chroniqme Indus
trietle, considerable quantities of beauti-
full objects of artificial amber are now
being produced in Vienna, and sold as
Of real amber. The substance employed
is chiefly colophony, or resin, obtained
by decomposition of turpentine, though
several other ingredients are used to
give it the requisite qualities. The imi-
tation is so perfect that the product has
the electric properties of true amber.
Ingenious manufacturers have even in
troduced into the substance foreign
bodies, insects, etc, tosmake the SINH
larity more striking.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10

TROUBLE

|CoAs, you little maiden, hush awhile your fret
l. Surely you have trouble with your ribbons,
And trouble with the rhin-which always Is
That you want % go to church-and with
many other things. n yuHsN
You have trouble With the sua, which. inust,esd
of being pleasant =
Only pleasant SAN. nothing further-is too srs-
AND there's trouble with the moon, which Is
sometimes just q crescent, !" : =
When it should shine FULL and golden through
the shadow at your feet y
You have trouble with the blossoms, which
keep lying close and curly, -.
Afraid OF wind, and all that, although you
bud Of rose or violet, that's "out' little
To some beautiful pert party, in your mus.
\ Inns and your hair.
You have trouble, through your books, with
some hundred Thousand cities, flisF
with spicy lot Of islands. and n stormy set
With your moods sometimes imperative; and
certainly one pities
Agoldea head so sadly vexed with unknown
You have trouble with all nations, too, through
history or tradition. IT, We ~ !
With their manners. dress. religions, with
their kings and with their wars:
ana perhaps, somewhat remotely, through the
telescopic vision sr 49,. : -1 =,
OF Professor This, or That, you have trouble
with the stars. 81 90 ~
Now, since you must have trouble. since to
bear 1t you seem able, POS ~ j food a
fancy even trouble may be 6nade little
Suppose you take your trouble and arrange It
on the table;
Let the china, glass and silver show that
'rouoie can De neat. otani aigw s,DsL
Suppose you try with trouble IL you cannot
please the baby;
He has many petty failure, and many
grievOus loss: -..Hf 7fIu
And suppose you dust a chair or two, as charm
ingly as may be, Iff 900 gat u
And suppose you teach a housemaid just how
, not TO be cross.
o.. -ss .st.t-s.tf tr The P,Iusu
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10

come when some more powerful man
will get fame and fortune from my in
vention. But nobody will believe that
poor John Fitch can do anything worthy
of attention. ''-s-T This prediction was ver-
flied before the thirty vests expired. In
1918, when Robert Fulton brought suit
in New York 10 enforce his claim as the
inventor Of steam navigation, he was
defeated by the production in court of
ono of John sFitch's p9mphlets. A COM
mittee of the Legislatare of New York,
after thorough Investigation, decided
that the boats built by Livingston. and
Fulton were in substance Che invention
of John Fitch. Judge Rowan, of Ken
lucky, Fitch's executor, says. "Iwas
convinced from his statements, explana-
tions and papers, that Fitch was the in
ventor of steamboats,.
The last days of poor Fitch were sad
enough. When his farm was reduced
to 800 acres he contracted with tavern
keeper to give him one half of his farm
to board him while he lived and furnish
him with a pint of whisky per day. He
afterwards increased the land grant on
that he should have a double
supply of liquor. At the age of So, de-
feated in his plans, disappointed, and
by drink, the poor fellow
died, unwept, unhonored, and un-
sung" Heleft no family. His ashes
repose Fin the old graveyard at Bards-
town. No stone marks the spot, but
many years ago, when the precise local
ity was known, survey was made and
recorded in the county clerks Office, by
which the exact spot is ascertained.
Within the past few years some CORE
spondence has been had with reference
to the removal of his dust and the erec-
ton of suitable memerial.-Cor. Gin
ci7a,azti E7a0uirer.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10
The Man of Glass.

A VERY extraordinary existence was
brought to q close a few days ago by
the death Of a man who was known as
the "man of glass; The records of
the asylum at, Bicetre, where the man
died, show that as long ago as in 1897,
when he was eighteen years old, a GER
tain Jubissier was brought to the hos
pital suffering from mental alienation of
a severe kind. His maladv had been
caused by wound inflicted by pane
of glass, which fell on his head and be-,
fore the cut could be healed the brain
became affected by q permanent disease.
The sufferer lapsed into idiocy, and then
into madness of a more violent kind;
and he was shortly afterward shut up in
the asylum, where he has remained ever
since After the first transports of de-
lirium had passed off the man became
more calm, but he could never get rid
of the idea that he was made of glass,
and that the least shock or blow would
cause him to break in pieces He re-
manned, therefore, perfectly quiet and
silent, being afraid even to speak for
fear of precipitating the catastrophe
which he fancied was ever impending.
For eighty-three long years he has led
this singular existence, only once OPEN
Ing MS Ups 10 Spoocu, WHICH Ao dskeu
for little tobacco. At one other period
his intellectual and physical faculties
appeared I'd, be aroused, and that was
when, during the siege Of Paris, he could
hear the shells bursting in the air at no
great distance from his place of retreat.
AZ this time he was seen to- grow nerv-
Gus and less lethargic, and to walk about
restlessly, humming some words which
had no inteliigible sequence or meaning.
He survived, however, and, relapsing
into his ,istial condition, has so lived
until the age of 1913, testifying, in a
somewhat striking way,to the effects OF,
q Totally placid and inactive tranquillity
both Of : body. and mind in prolonging.
life. No littlecredit is, however,, due to
the authorities at Bicetre for having thus
preserved for eighty-th years an ex.
istence which from the first was utterly
useless and uninteresting. -London Globe
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10
John Fitch, the Inventor of Steam
bOats.STE 80

THE most interesting historical fact
connected with BardstOwn, KY, is that
it was the last residence and burial place
of John Fitch, the inventor of steam
boats This wonderful genius was born
in Connecticut in l743, and died here in
1898. He was a clock-maker, silver
and gun NTH, and was Lieutenant in
the Revolutionary war. He made him.
self very useful in repairing the guns OF
the soldiers. For some real or supposed
slight he left the service, emigrated to
the wilds of Kentucky in 1878, and en-
tered one thousand acres of land in this
county. While sitting one day on the
bank of the Ohio River in 1850 he was In
spired with the idea of propelling boats
by steam and, Immediately set to work
to accomplish it. He made sketches,
drafts, models, and experiments, and in
1885 memorialized Congress in refer
ence to his steamboat. He petitioned
the Legislatures of half dozen of the
States for the exclusive privilege of navi-
eating their waters by fire and stem.
In 1879 he built several boats, and sue
ceeded in making trips between Phila-
delphia and Burlington, NJ j., at a
speed of seven miles per hour. His
success was only temporary. His ma
chinery was too light and often broken,
and finally the bursting of = boiler OH
one of his trips compelled him to aban-
don his scheme. In 1890 he petiloned
Congress to grant him patent Tor his
invention. He sought aid in vain from
England, France and Spain. Discour-
aged and poverty stricken, he returned
to his Kentucky farm, and gave himself
M tn habitnal inIOxicatiOn. He deposit
ed in the Philadelphia Library large vol
umes ofmanuscripf, sealed mp, withvli-
rections that they should not be opened
for thirty years. When goPened
they were found ito = contain. "a
full history of his trials. embar-
easements and disaepointments He
confidently predicted the final success
of his plan. He said: 1.-The day Will
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10
The Tyranny of Buttons.

AMONG all the possible arguments for
woman's natural inferiority to man, the
only one having real force has never
been formulated; this is her meek and
unquestioning submission to buttons.
The buttons of the male habiliments
are always coming off-notably before
breakfast, when the average husband is
about as amiable as a bear with sore
head. At this time, if he finds a button
loose, he gives it a "yank, !" and then
looks about helplessly for his victim
the first woman coming into his field of
vision. He holds the button up before
her, says it has come !" off, and she is
expected to sew it on straightway.
Generally the victim is his wife; and
though the baby may be crying and the
breakfast preparations in need of super
vision, while the tyrant himself has
nothing on earth to do but make his
toilet, and has, moreover, sewing-mate-
rails right before him on the bureau or
dressing table, he never rises to the con-
ception of his possible competence to
supply his own wants. Woman, in his
eyes, is the preordained supervisor of
buttons; and a delicate consideration for
her rights and prerogatives is his motive
for RELOCATING the task to her; at least
this is the way he apologies, when in
playful mood, for his lack of dizziness
with the needle, which, as rule, is
wholly the fault of the women who had
charge of his boyhood. They should
have taught him to replace the buttons
he is forever wrenching off with his rude
lingering. One or two lessons about the
time the boy begins to go to School, q
little work-box placed in his room con-
tanning needles, thread, two or three
kinds of buttons, and an open-top thim-
ble-the only kind that ever should be
worn-and the problem is solved for
lifetime; for whatever one is accustomed
to do from childhood one does easily
and dexterously. Women have shown
their capacity for accomplishments and
attainments supposed to be exclusively
masculine. Itis time for a correspond
ing display of ambition and adaptability
on the part of men and they can not
make better beginning than by learn
ing to sew on their own buttons.-M. H.,
IN Lsppi,acott's Magasiae.
I'll s---------sve ~----------- ~ 81 Z
I THERE are said to have been about
500 divorces granted in Maine last year,
or one to every twelve marriages.
Exact returns from five counties show
223.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10
Presence OF Mind.

There is nothing Like having presence
Of mind. A farmer near Mount Brydgcs,
Ontario. was drawing a log across the
Great Western Railway track, when the
sleigh stuck in the rails. Now, when a
loaded. iron-shod sleigh gets stuck on
railroad track 1t Is no slight Job 10 get
it of, and the farmers horses proved
unequal to the task. As the Atlantic
express was in sight, some people might
have lost their presence OF mind, Not
SO the farmer. He quietly unhitched
his horses and removed himself and
them to q safe distance. He did not
signal the engineer. rs some foolish
people would have done, but waited
with great faith in the power Of the
engine to do what his horses were IN
able to accomplish. To the credit OF
steam, it Is said that he was not disap-
pointed. Not only was the sleigh re-
moved from the track, but the engine
also. As was previously remarked.
there is nothing like presence Of mind.
Free Press. ff - 1880 :. ! 'TH't,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10

An old Ruby Hill miner. says the
Carson City Appeai. who has had fifteen
years experience under ground.a saws
that he has observed one peculiar fact.
that between twelve and two O'Clock
IN the night. II there is loose stone or
pit OF earth in the mine it is sure to fall.
says ne; About this time it seems
that everything begins to stir, and i'm.
mediately after twelve, although the
mine has becn still rs n tomb before
you will hear particle. of rock and
earth come Stumbling down. and IL there
Is = caving piece of ground in the mine
1t Is sure TO give way.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-03-10

, !: A VERMONT lady, who died recently.
76 years. -. .e
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-04-04
DEPARTMENT ORDERS.
III eadQ uarters Ssrvice-A Chance for Non.
Commissioned Officers.

Headquarters Ssrvics-A Chance for Nom
Commissioned Officers.
Private Thomas Culligan, company ga"
Eleventh Infantry, is transferred to the
general service department at headquar-
tiers, st. Paul.
Harry F. Powell, enlisted at St. Paul,
is hereby assigned to company "a, "
Eleventh Infantry, and detached on duty
at these headquarters, as messenger, in
place of private Thomas Culligan, sane
company and regiment, transferred to
the general service department.
In accordance with the requirements of
the fourth section of the act of June Is,
1878, for the purpose of examining such
meritorious non. commissioned officers as
may be duly recommended for promotion
in the army, and ordered by the depart
ment commander to appear before il,
board of officers will assemble at Fort
Smelling, Mimi, at 10 o'clock A. M, on
Thursday, the Nth inst, or as soon there
after as practicable. Detail: Col. John
Gibbon, Seventh infantry; Maj. W. W.
Sanders, Eighth infantry; Capt. D. W.
Benham, Seventh infantry; Capt. Fl. B.
Freeman, Seventh infantry; First Lieut..
A. H. jackson, Seventh infantry.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-04-04
ROCHESTER,.

ROCHESTER,, Mimi, April 2.-The execu-
tive committee of the State Agricultural So
ciety held meeting Yesterday afternoon and
superintendent were appointed in the different
classes; all the members, with the exception
OF Mr.. Harris, who was detained at Minnesota
City by the trains being latel was present Mr.
Judson states that the premium list is in the
hands of the printer, and that 1000 copies will
soon be ready for distribution.
The Republicans in mass convention placed
the following ticket in nomination yesterday:
for mayor, Samuel Written; for assessor, Geo.
c. Cooke: Treasurer, H. /. A. Holman; city
attorney, F. B. Kellogg; street commissioner
Joe Wagner; school Commissioner, G. c. WI.
son; Marshal, Henry Kalb. First Ward
Alderman, Amos Hyatt; Constable, George
Sherman. Second Ward-Alderman, A. G.
Stebbins; Constable; L. Berg. Third Ward
Alderman, Noah Wilkins; Constable, N. Cole
The Peoples convention made the below
nominations at the same time:
For mayor-H. T. Harmon; treasurer, D. II.
Moon; assessor, w. P. Clough; city attorney.
L. Breckenridge; city -shal, Lon Robinson;
str ,et commissioner, John FurlOw; school
com missioner, c. g. Wilson; alderman First
ward-A Nelson; constable First ward, W. o.
German; alderman Second ward-no ticket.
alderman Third ward, John Shannon; constable
Third ward-W. III. McLard.