Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1881-12-05

''Father did you never have another
wife besides mother?'' ''No, my boy;
what possessed you to ask such a ques-
tion?' Because saw in the old family
Bible where you married Ammo Domini,
in 1885, and that isn't mother, for her
name was Sally Smith"
''Why are you late?" asked an Austin
school teacher of little girl, who hung
her head and said: ssWe have got little
baby at our house." ''Don't let it happen
again" said the teacher, fiercely, and the
little girl said she wouldn't and took her
seat.
What have you there?" queried a
temperance preacher to a young man who
had bottle wrapped in paper. ''Noth-
ing" replied the young man. ''You are
telling lies," said the preacher; "you
have old Nick there ''Nay, but thou
liest," replied the young man; 'It's old
Tom that I've got here"
A clergyman lost his hat one evening,
and was obliged to go home with shah
bier one, which was left in the place Of it.
| Next day the hat was returned by the
penitent appropriation, who said: ''Ill
never take minister's hat again. You
| can't think what queer things I've had
running through my head ever since put
| that hat on
An old fellow whose daughter had failed
to secure position as teacher, in conse-
| quence of not passing an examination,
said: '"They asked her lots of things she
didn't know. Look at the history ques-
tions They asked her about things that
| happened before she was born How was
she going to know about them? Why,
they asked her about old George Wash
ington and other men she never knew
That was pretty sort Of examination
At recent examination in a girls
school the question was put to a class of
little ones. ''Who makes the laws of our
government" Congress-" was the re-
ply. "How is congress divided?'' was the
next question. A little girl in the class
raised her hand, ''Well, said the examin-
er, ''Miss Sallie, what do you say the
answer is?" Instantly, with an air of
confidence as well as triumph, the answer
came, "Civilized, half civilized and
savage"
Jones was sitting on the front steps the
other night, waiting for his sweetheart
to come out. She knew what time to
come and he didn't wish to ring for fear
Of alarming the old folks. Presently be
heard the door open and the old man
muttered something about somebody's
being s'too fresh.' ''Do you address
yourself to me?" said Jones springing to
his feet with a flashing eye. ''No," said
the old man mildly, 81 was speaking OF
the paint on the front steps. It was put
there this afternoon" Jones claSped his
hands to the spot and realizing the force
of the old mans remarks reached his room
in about five minutes.
A GAIN OF TWENTY POUNDS IN A MONTH
After using Compound Oxygen for {
month, a patient at Jewett, Texas, writes
81 began taking your Compound OxygeT
ON the 10th of September, and have KEEP
it up since that time. l have not beer
sick since had been sick for six months
was confined to bed three months, tax
ing medicine almost every hour of da,
and night. Have not taken drop o
medicine since. Have a good appetite
can eat almost anything, ana it agrees
with me. l consider myself nearly well
Have gained 20 pounds sine
using the Oxygen Treatment" Treatie
on Compound Oxygen sent free. Drs
Starkey & Palen, 1109 and I'LL Girar
street, Philadelphia, Pa.