The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-05-26
HUMOR.

About the only person that we ever
heard of that wasn't spoiled by being
lionized was jew named Daniel.-G.
ID. Prentice.
Sensible advice to all-Says Aaron to
Moses, 1--we got trichinoisr' Says Mos
es to Aaron, s'You shouldn't pork fare
onr'-Punch.
A double Experience-"S Shall read
YOU a pretty story, Effie?'' HAS it got
a moral to itp'' ''Yes. darling"
Then, Mumsey, I'd rather not. A
story with a moral is like jam with a
powder in it,
If girl has pretty teeth she laughs
often, if she's got a pretty foot shell
wear n short dress, and if she's got a
neat hand she's fond of a game of whist;
and if the reverse, she diSlikes all these
small affairs.
AS lady was viewing herself in a
mirror, she said to her daughter:
..What would you give to be as hand
some as 1 amp Just as much," re-
piled the daughter, ''as you would give
to be as young as l an.
..How do you like my spring clothes?"
asked Leander. ''Pretty well, replied
Hero. doubtfully, and then added: 'tBut
i Jnlnk SuOulu llko yOu pc0oci III %
walking suit" He sat wrapt in silent
thought for about five minutes, and
then got up and walked slowly away in
the suit he had on.
1t was their first night aboard the
steamer. cat last" he said. tenderly,
1--WE are all alone, out upon tho deep
waters, of the dark blue sea. and your
heart will always beat for me as it has
ncfS s.NTxY hno,ftc oil
right" she answered. languidly, ''but
my stomach feels awful"
Rcfinements of modern speech.-Fair
Intense One Have you seen the old
masters at Burlington house?" Bash
full youth (fresh from Marlborough, and
better at cricket and football than
mean, yesr' Fair Intense One" Are
they not really quite too tool!
Everybody on the Champs Elysees,
Paris, stopped one day to turn and look
at certain young lady. She attributed
personal charms, but no! it was an ad-
vertising agent of an umbrella firm who
had pinned on her chignon a business
card: "All silk-two dollars"
She raised q paper rule to strike her
husband, and, as it happened, the rear
end of it grazed her chin and drew
blood, whereupon she tumbled all in
q heap in the middle of the floor and
howled piteously. But he only remarked
with the utmost composure: my love,
| it's a Door rule that won't work both
ways"
Little baby is very i'll, Charley; I am
afraid he is going to die" ''Well, il
he dies, mamma, he won't go to the bad
place." why, Charley, how can you
mamma, he's got no teeth to gnash."
| Ohio is said to be excited because
the son of Baptist minister has mar
ried the daughter of a Jewish rabbi.
Anything that tends to retard the con-
sumption of pork is certain to create
an excitement in Ohio.-PhttddeLphtO htO
| Chronicle Herald.
.'You amt taking any stock in WON.
ans love, ehP" ''No," he answered
despondently, ''it's all flummery.''
every strange" added his friend
'.You didn't use to talk that way
Perhaps not" he replied. 'but T'ye
| been married nearly two years, an6
up in my closet waiting to be patched
! and not stitch taken in them yet"
Deacon said a widow, as she
heaved long drawn sigh, and softly
raised two tear-bejeweled eyes to his
"don't you sometimes have n yearning
for the sweet companionship of kin
dred soul to share the joys and sorrow:
THAT walk, twin like, with us through al
the varied scenes of life?'' ''Well
widow" sighed the old deacon, in re
/ ply, '.rve kinder had yearning al
the evenin', but thought maybe it wa.
them cold beans l eat for supper"