Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-10
Terrible Smell ON the Cars.

Mr.. Eppenetrs Hoyt, of Fond du
Lac, went to Chicago ON visit. Mr..
Hoyt knew young man named Johnnie
Darling, who WAS attending Rush Medi-
cal College, and thrt ugh him was per-
mitted to visit the disse cting-room. Mr..
| Hoyt was introdu ed to number of
the wicked young men who were carving
the late lamentca, and, after he got ac-
customed to the climate, he rather en-
loyed the performance. Whether young
Mr.. Darling told the boys that Mr..
Hoyt was fresh or not will, perhaps,
never be known, but, as Mr.. Hoyt passed
around among the slabs where they wero
at work, each made contribution from
the corpse he was at work ON to Mr..
Hoyt's coat pockets, unbeknown to him.
While one was calling bis attention to
limb that he was dissecting, another
would cut off an ear, or finger, or
nose, or dig out an eye, and drop the
same into Mr.. Hoyts overcoat pockets.
Finally he bid the boys good-by, thanked
them for their courtesies IN showing
him around, skipped for the train and
got on board The seats were all occu-
pied, and middle-aged lady, with slim
face and spectacles, and evidently an
old maid. allowed hiIn to sit beside her.
The car was warm, and it was not long
before the "remains began to be heard
from. He was talking with the lady
when he smelIed something. The lady
had been smelling it for some miles
back, and she had got her eye on Mr.
Hoyt, and had put her handi erehief to
her nose He took a long lreath and
said TO the lady:
"The air seems 'ort of fixed here In
! the car, does it not and he looked up
at the transom.
Yes, +" said the lady, as she turned
pale, and asked him to let her out of the
seat, " it is very much fixed, and [ be-
lieve yot. are the man that fired st!"
and she took her sachel and went to the
rear of the car, where she glared at him
as though he was a fat-rendering estab-
lishment. Mr.. Hoyt devoted few mo-
ments to silent prayer and then his at
tention was called TO n new-married
couple in the seat ahead of him. They
had been having their heads close TO-
gether, when suddenly the bride said
tHennery, have you been drinking I"
He vowed by al that was great and glo-
rious that he had not, when she told him
| that there was something about his
breath that reminded her of strong
drink OF pacping-house. lie allowed
that ii was not him, but admitted that
he had noticed there was something
wrong, though he didn't know but =
Was some of her teeth that needed filing.
They were both mad at the insinuations
of the other, and the bride leaned on the
window and cried, while the groom
looked the other way aud acted cross.
Mr.. Hoyt was very much annoyed at the
smell. and made up his mind it was his
duty to speak to the groom about it. So
ne introduced himself and told the
groom he ought to do Something to cure
those feet of his. The groom looked ut
him Indignantly, but Mr.. Hoyt contin-
ued:
You may think it viii wear off, but
it won't. / knew a man in Fond du Lac
whose feet perspired as bad as yours,
and it was almost impossible to stay in a
room witt him. He had to sleep with
his feet out the window, aud the neigh
bors complained to the health officers
One day he"
At this point the bridegroom called
his wife, and they Indignantly left the
car. Mr.. Hoyt was annoyed. The
smell remained, and people all around
him got up aud went to the forward end
of the car, or to the rear, and acre were
dozen empty seats when the conductor
came in. and lots of people standing up.
The conductor got one sniff and said
"Whoever has got that piece of Linn
berg cheese in his pocket will have 10 go
in the emigrant car. They all looked
at Hoyt, and the conductor went up to
him and asked hin, If he didn't know
any better than to be carrying around
such cheese as that. Hoyt said he
hadn't got no cheese. The conductor
insisted that he had, and told ,im IL
turn his pockets wrong side ont. Ecyt
jabbed his hands into his pockets, aud
felt something cold and clamIny. He
draw his hands out empty, turned pale,
ard said he didn't have any cheese.
The conductor insisted ON his feeling
again, and no brought to the surface
couple of human ears, finger and
ibnmb.
"What IN the name Of the apostles
have you got therc?" says the conductor.
"Do you belong to any canning estab-
lishment that sends canned missionary
to the heather cannibals?' Hoyt told
the conductor to come in the baggage
car and lie would explain all; and as he
passed by the passengers, with both
hands full of the remains, the passengers
we're ready TO lynch Hoyt. He told the
conductor W lere ne had been, and the
boys had played it on him, and the
fingers and things were thrown beside
the track. Afterward Hoyt went in the
car and tried to apologize to the old
maid, but she said If he didn't go away
from her she would scream Hoyt would
a'wags rather go away tfin have Won IA
scream. He IS trying to think Of some
way to get even with the boys at Rush
AT..s7snal ff,@fs-r.o Y1osf,a Cst..