The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-12-17
CREAM Of OUR EXCHANGES.

One OF Fox's martyrs The hen
Turning points in lifc-S.reet corners.
Awayside inn-fhe noise OF the hand organ
A guilt frame--Thc prison window.
Operatic refreshmen,s-Figh screams
Waist of time-The middle OF an hour glass.
The banana skin generally opens the fall bust.
ness.
1t is easier to hang Il jury than criminal
How TO raise beets-Take hold of the tops and
pull.
The brawny blacksmith at his toll is jlstiha-
bic forger.
Ouare-Can man eating dates be said to con.
sumo time!
Ask a woman how old she is if you want her
10 show her rage.
The chiropedist first dates from William the
eorncurer.
Kick YOUR corn through "A window. glass, and
the pane is gone forever
There is one town in Connecticut that has no
fear of the measles. It's Haddam.
The failure OF the cabbage crop it is said does
not affect the tailors.
The man who hesitates is lost. That ID why
Charlie Ross hesitates about coming back.
Russian lady named "Mlc. ShIr,of" is
shining in Paris society. She wears all the other
garments.
writing poetry" There is! Dont.-B0StOn Post.
II is no use to attempt to put on style unless
YOU have good gait. - Cambridge tribune.
A homcly girl has the cons ISOLATION Of knowing
that II she lives TO be forty she will be pretty
old girl
There's man in town called "Electricty,"
because he is shocking character. -Hdctensdck
Republican.
Assistant sculptor wanted One who is quick
and correct at figures preferred .-SW'nRted
Union
We are two dollars ahead. Made it selling
manuscript poetry about Garfield to the rag man
Detroit Chdt.
It is said the ordinary life of a bee is only nine
" days The end OF a tee, however, Is very i've
ly.-Boston Trdveler.
Whatever you may have to do do 1t with your
might. Many lawyer has made his fortune by
simply working with will.-Stdtesntdn.
Mr. Talmage says that hell is strewn with to-
bacco leaves. If Mr.. Talmage doesn't quit Civ
ing so much information on this subject people
will begin to wonder where he gets his poiaters.
''IIave you many particular friends" asked
Charlie of his chum. "We1, there's my land.
lady is mighty particular; she requires cash in
advance for every week"
In the new city of Pullman, near Chicago, a
handsome looking roofer " no for more than three
months has done work on the highest buildings
with as much skill as the best workman, has just
been discovered to be young woman in dis
guise.
Well mounted on my sorrel Meg
better never lifted leg
| shot Guiteau, right through the van,
And you can catch me II you can.
st. Louis prayer meeting was broken up by
deputy sheriff, who levied on the church furnl-
ture for debt, after allowing lust one more
hymn, and one prayer, ifnot too long"
An Indian idol was recently found in Kansas.
II was made Of earthenwarc, was brown In color,
and has a handle. II will hold two quarts.-Bos
ton Post 1t was empty, and by It's side lay an
other Indian idle.-PhiIadelpha SecS.
young gentleman, dressed up in buttons for
the OCCASION whose usual ayocatlon was brush
ing boots, being told to announce the names Of
the various guests as they arrived at Mrs. Tlb
bles' party, called out IN unusually stentorian
tone, "rhe man with the hysters"
Only an Ir.shman has wit enough to make a
virtue out OF vice, and to tell a disagreeable
truth and at the same time express kindly wish
pat remember you owe me shilling" said
gentleman to his servant. With q grim smile
eloquent Pat replied, 81 will not forget it, your
nd m. live I'm healt |
pay you"
"Pry tell me, pretty rural maid
Why you so early forth have strayed'
Why gaze you down the western sky
With graceful pose and eager eye!
Art thinking Of the wondrous space
'TwlXt here and distant jumping oil place;
Or are you looking for the one
You reckon dearest meath the sun:
Tell me what great attraction lies
Within the range Of those bright eyesH'
The maiden grnned u beauteous grin;
Her teeth picked with crooked pin,
And said: at amt no SIGH a thing
As that air song you've tried to sing;
hant got any beau, nohOw-
I'm looking for our brlndle cow"
N. Qudd.
THE BLuE-BoTTLE FLY.
Buzzing and gay in tho early dawn,
Fresh from nap on the parlor wall
Out for flight over garden and lawn,
Fearing no tumble and dreadug no fall,
Came a fly;
lively, frolicseme, blue-bottle fly;
And his feet
Were neat,
And his style
As complete
AZ his brain
Was rcplete
With the mischief that laughed in his eye!
"Whst glorious fun I'll have today
When the Dabys asleep and the nurse away;
When Rover lies by the kitchen door;
I'll wsken them both and make them roar!
On, what larksw
Cried the rolicking, reckless blue-bo fly;
''What a cry"
Said the fly,