davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15
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MEMORIES.

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MEMORIES
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The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

A wAx-woRK figure of Franklin, on exhibition
In France, is labeled: Franklin, inventor of
electricity. This savant, after having
made seven voyages around the world, died on
the Sandwich Islands, and wasdevOured by saw
ages, of whom not q single fragment was ever
recovered Which shows how cautious the
French should be in getting their American
news from the London papers
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

A FATHER, whose daughter had failed to Sc
cure position as teacher, in consequence of not
passing an examination, said: "They asked her
lots of things she didn't know. They asked her
about things that happened before she was born,
How was she going to know about themi Why
they asked her about old George Washington,
and other men she never knew! That was q
pretty sort of examination
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

In the stone floor of the Grafton wv. Va. }
Court House vestIbule is the word "Justice, ("
in largo letters. An old resident who had Just
lost n suit, was walking ont of the building sad
ly and with eyes east down. Seeing the letters
in the floor, he halted, uncovered his head, and
didn't know where you were buried until now. -
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

The Boston Post says the Newark cashier who
stole everything from his bank but the building,
which could hardly be called portable property,
cord him high place in their admiration. The
Newark cashier reminds one of the street car
conductor, who reported to the Treasurer after
making his first round trip: 81 have no returns
to make" The Treasurer, after contemplating
his colossal cheek for while, replied: ''Well,
my friend, the company is much obliged to yOu
for bringing the car back"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

"WHAr will you have ma'am :" said the pref
ty girl behind the counter of a bakery at Wapa-
had alighted from a carriage at the door. an
have some satisfaction, if you please" the caller
replied; and she got it by scratching the girls
face, knocking her down, and kicking her
''Now, perhaps, yOu won't be quite so civil to
my husband when he comes for bread" she ad-
ded
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15
THE BAKERS LOAF SONG.

] knead thee every hour,
Ny darling sveet-tart dear!
DOugh-nut dis-pies my love,
Or Turnover q deaf ear.
II quite often ! do Loaf,
Isurely am well bread,
And rank among the upper crust
lam no muffin head
Although ! like to cracker joke,
] am pi-ous man;
At hops make abundance,
As well n any can.
Dough-nnt think ] wish to sponge;
In young e-staan / d riss.
Star Of the yeast but shine On me
With love light in your eyes
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

81 SEE there is talk of celebrating the CEN
tsnnial birthday of Daniel Webster, which will
occur on the 18th day of January, lSs2 How
well remember when he used to sit on my lap
when he was little boy, and beg me to tell him
about Pharaohs daughter, and other little girls
that used to play with in Egypt."-SasGH y.
ARtkoaV
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

chants. Cut it out and save: To reduce solid
feet to bushels multiply the solid feet by IS and
divide by Sc. Tins, in a bin of grain s feet by
4, and 2 feet highs multiplied by 4, is 3,
multiplied by IS gives 2sS0, which divided by
Sc leaves 81 81, the number of bushels in the
him
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

An old lady who does not believe in the CO.
education ofthe sexes, was rejoicsd the other
day, to find that, although the girls and boys in
Large seminary seemed to be playing some sort
pa game together, the school authorities had
wisely lung long net between them.-Phila
Meas -
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

SAM JoHNsISG was up again yesterday.
"What brings you hear this time I" asked the
Recorder. "De p'liceman, sab; de same one
what brung me heah de last time" 81 mean
what did you dor 81 was jess passin' grocery
store, when 1 struck my head agin ham what
was hanging by de dore. tuck de ham down
to put it somewhars whar it would be safe from
folks Dustin their brains out agin it, when de
fust knOwed a pliceman tried to get de ham
away from me, and bekase / wouldn't let de
ham 60, he jus brung me long too."-GdlrestOH
kf1rs
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15
Che Fun Of Ching.
THE UTTERLY TOO.

A State Department young man,
A two-fOr-hve young man,
A Government barna1ie,
Don't care darn-acls,
Qual-upon-toast young man.
A State Department young man
A Roman fall Young man,
A Simon X. TappeTfit,
Tive EN- beneft-
Prom-on-theAve young man.
A State Department young man;
A boutsuniere Young man,
A finnieky wittOl.
A thorough lick spittle,
An utterly-tOO young man,
A State Department young man,
A German-favOr young man,
A modern aathetic,
Acts ike an emetic,
An swfully sweet young man.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

YOUNG lady at Mills Seminary who recently
sent us n poem entitled "Mnrmurings from the
Outer Bitterness" is informed that any pecuni-
airy assistance she can send to the widow of the
man to whom we gave it to read, will he CRATE
fully received by that lady.-SdR Francisco Post
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

UoUNG friend in California writes: ssMy lit
tie brother, having heard the barren spots in the
field called 1alkali Spots came to mother one
day, while an old bald headed man was visiting
here, and said in loud whisper: Mamma, that
man has an alkali spct on his head, ~
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

COUNTRY paper in Illinois says, among its
local items: "No word has vet been heard from
Abraham Lever, who went off two weeks ago
with his wife's red-headed hired girl. Until his
return, his Sabbath School class will be in
charge of the Rev. Mr. Pickles"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

A MINISTER preached an hour; then he re-
marked: Another wide field opens from the
subject in another direction Just then, an old
colored saint calculated; please, Lord, shut up
de barsn
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

ball, as the national game, because the former
is less obstructive of life and limb. But our
young men prefer pastime that partakes of q
little excitement and danger.-NorristOrA Re
publican.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

THR Church Mirror is a cheerful sort Of n re-
ngious organ published in Boston. Among its
list of premiums il offers fine line of revoivers
which are ''warranted to kill at long range
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

a'wHY dost thou soar, loyef" sings poet.
Probably it is because be has been trying TO
mount the fiery, unframed bicycle. 1t will make
any man sore
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

A CONNECTICUT pastor declined an addition of
500 to his salary for the reason, among other,
that the hardest part of his labors heretofore
had been the collection of his salary, and it
would kill him to try TO collect 500 more
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

years so, filter il through pure sand, after il
has worked little; put il in casks filed 40
there will be no air, and bung them tight; keen
il till February or March where it won't freeze
and then bottle it The best cider il late made
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

"ANN,n observed q Dsnbury housekeeper to a
hired gfrl, the other morning, "as we have en-
tered upon the dawn of another century of our
nations history, guess you had better get a
toothbrush OF your own"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

YoUNa lady (suddenly starting): "My good
ness" Young gentleman (late stayer): "What
is the matterT Young lady (glancing at the
clockl: "Nothing; thought heard the milk
man.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

An Indiana woman dreamed that she saw her
husband kissing the hired girl and she got so
mad over it, that she discharged the girl before
breakfast, next morning.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15
Miss corisande,s Variable Birthday.

Miss CorisaHde was born only two years ear
lier than her brother Tom. When Tom was ten
years old, she glOried because she was twelve.
When Tom was known to be fourteen, she con-
fessed to sweet sixteen. When Tom proudly
boosted Of eighteen, she timidly acknowledged
herself past nineteen. When he came home
from college with a mustaehe and vote, and
had O party in honor Of his twenty-first birth
day, she said to her friends, "What n bOyish
fellow he is, Who would think he is only a
year younger than r. And when Tom declar-
ed he was twenty years, and old enough to
get married, she said 10 n gentleman friend,
ado you know, feel savagely jealous Of Tom
getting married. But then suppose twins are
always more attached to each other than other
brothers and sisters" And two years later, at
Toms wedding, she said with girlish yiyacity
TO the wedding guests: Dear old Tom, TO see
him married tonight, and then think how, when
he was only five years old, they brought him in
10 see me, his baby sister; wonder if he thinks
of it to-nightr YOu have met Miss COrisande,
probably. She lives in your tOwn."-HGrkeye.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

"WHo wrote the book of James, in the New
Testamentfp asked Sunday School teacher, in
Missouri village, and little fellow at the foot
of the class shouted, 'The James boysw
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

OLD umbrella and buggy tops are now being
utalized for theatre hats. The demand for them
almost equals that for Confederate bonds-OH
CITY Derrick. :, -
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

IL you cut the back legs Of your chair two
inches shorter than the front ones the fatipue
Of sitting will be greatly relieved, and the spine
placed in better position.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

THE politics. young man going, is a resident of
this city. He took off his hat to talk to q young
lady through the telephone.-Cin. Com.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

BREcHER says: Civilization does not always
follow railroads" That's the difference between
civilization and n deaf man.-BOstOa Post
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

IN most quarrels there is fault on both sides.
A quarrel may be compared to a spark, which
can not be produced without flint, as well as
steel.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

GurTEAU doesn't want to be shot down like a
dog. No physician likes to take his own pre-
scf1ptiou-Conrier-.J0aTH
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

An old colcred man, who had just sold his cot
ton, limped along Little Rock street, and over
taking several cOlored women who had refused
to marry him, walking with several ''buck mig
gers" the old man exclaimed: "Sunthin's been
hurtin' my feet all day." and removing enc of
his shoes, he took ont $50 gold piece. ''Sun-
and removing the other shoe, took out another
$40 gold piece. ''Dis beats any town i cher
seed. man can't walk ROM without gittin'
his shoes full OBJ gold Hit reminds me OBJ de
New Jerusalem"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

A TFxAs man was lyncbed for riding mule
on Sunday. 1t was another mans mule, by the
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

GUrfKAu:' "Unwept, unhonored, and un-
svung.r-Elmira Gdsette.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

/. ACCORDING to Guiteau, the mills of the gods
turn on a cranky. 7. Graphic.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

SOME Southern papers recommend boiled oatl
as q remedy for hog cholera.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

IhkRn Is much more injury done by admitting
visitors to invalids, than is generally supposed
cHnsrAISs--Bathe them with strong solu-
tion Of saltpeter. -
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

TIE Chinese written language consists Of
Ie0, 900 characters.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15
for the farmer.
GILT EDGED BUTTER.

a sp.endid SET Of RuIes for Making Prime
Artieie-somethiag Which Every Farmer
sacuid Isuve.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-15

Skim as room as the milk begins TO tan sour
DO not neglect this ruk as it is impossible to
make good butter from that has become
old and sour When you pour your cream into
the cream iarsplash as little possible. Stir the
cream every time you add more into it, and wipe
the sides of the pot. Keep the temperature at
about sixty degrees and the cream pot in the
coolest part of the house, covered with a fine
gauze netting strained on hoop, not with a
tight cover. If covered too tight, fermentation
is often too rapid.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1881-10-02

charges against him. In the latter instance mo''on "
the case made at the request OF the
OF the society," denied by the Grand jury tne lore
man OF whom is gentleman connected with an innuen-
al newspaper in this city, who would naturally be sup
posed 10 have the interests Of the community at nea
IL ia no excuse Mr. Editor for this lack or apprecia
ton OF the necessity OF enforcing the law regulating tne
practice of medicine 10 say that the practitoners ac
cused not proved to be doing actual INJURY py
their want Of the proper qualifications Men VINO plso
tce medicine Illegally are capable OF doing Un evcn
wifuy and through ignorance, In the uture, Even Even
though they chance not TO have done 80 nereoio
In making this communication. wish IN the nahe vi
the body represent to call the attention OF tne M
Jnry and the public at large to the danger wnicn All
those recurring med cal advice incur from these
lar practitioners and to the absolute necessity LOT
prompt and vigorous prosecution OF all offenders and tne
strict enforcement OF the law trust thaC the 1raHo
Jury Mt their next meeting will not ALLOW themselves 70
be Influenced by sentimental considerations, p, MN hi
the County Medical Society TO their utmost aDlnly III
breaking up the nefarous practice OF the most OF qon
and Illegal practitioners who by their ignorance anu
disregard Of all the rules OF decency disgrace the nono
able title which they illegally claim 1t is the duty OF
ALI good citizens irrespective Of sectional moucal pro
cliyilies to unite in obtaining this object
PAUL +. MUNDE, M. ID.
NJ the BOARD OF Censors of the Medical Society
OF the County of New-York.
Ec,c-Y York, Sept 30, 1881.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1881-10-02
PHYSICIANS And THE Law.

A LETTER FROM THE CHAIRMAN OF THg BOARD OF
COUNTY OF NHw-YoRK.
TO the EdttOr OF The Tribune.
SIR: During the present year the Medical
Society OF the County OF NewYOrk has been actively en-
Qaged in the eDdeavor to prevent the Illegal practice of
medicine in this city and county In accordance with
the provisions of the law OF 1880 Through the counsel
of the society number OF unqualified practitioners
medicine have been arrested and brought before the
Grand Jury for Indictment have been held bail to
await the action Of that body during the coming
While several Of these practitioners have been
yicted thanks chiefly 10 the active cooperation Of the
and the energy OF the counsel of the
County Medical Society, obstacle unexpected by the
society and to those interested in the proper practice
the medical art and the welfare of the community at
large almost applicable has been encountered in
tain lukewarmness a certain hesitancy of the Grand
Jury to ndict practitioners who exercising their
cation without the qualifications prescribed by law. In
all of these cases sufficient proof offered that the
charges against the offenders well founded and
that no reasonable doubt could be entertained that they
deserved punishment win mention but two such In
stances In which the persons accused failed 10 receive
their lust deserts; that OF Cox, who was indicted for
perjury In having 10 being graduate OF Castle
ton University IN Vermont, when the records OF that
now defunct institution showed that he had never grad
uated there and who let of with fine Of 800 and
who ia now again engaged in practice similar To that
for which he arrested and second that OF Widman
the complaint against whom recently dismissed by
the Grand Jury without investigation although wit
at hand 70 prove the correctness OF the
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1881-10-02
Then fare We well. Dame Isabel.
Thou lady of mickle pride;
Thou shalt rue the day thou saidst me nay
When back to thee ride.

Then fare We well, Dame Isabel,
Thou lady of mickle pride;
Thou shalt rue the day thou saidstm nay
When back to thee ride.
The day declined, the rising wind
Sung shril on Whtbv's sands;
With ear down laid and ready blade,
Behind rock he stands.
Sir Gervase rode on in thought alone,
Leaving his men behind;
The blow was sure, the fight secure,
But voice was IN the wind:
False brother spur thy flying steed,
Thou canst not fly so fast
But on this zone where now bleed
Ihyself shalt breathe thy last.
That stone was then on Whitbys shore,
And now behold it here!
And ever that blood is in mine eye,
And ever that voice in mine earl
Now, thou palmer grey, now turn thee, pray,
And let me look in thine eve.
Alas! it burns bright with fearful light
Like guilt about to die.
That stone is old, and DER it has rolled
The tempest OF many years;
But fercer rage than of tempest or age
In thy furrOwed face appears
Oh, speak not thus thou holy man,
But bend and pray by me.
And give me YOUR aid in this hour OF need,
Till ny penance Dire.
With 10 and beads with ave and creed,
On, h p me while you may;
When the bell tolls one, oh, Leave me alone,
For with Ine you may not stay.
Sore prayed the frlar by the grey palmer
As both knelt DER the stone,
And redder grew the blOod-red hue,
And they heard fearful groan
Friar, leave me now my trembling brow
The drops of sweat run down,
And alone with his spirit must deal this night
My deadly guilt to atone.
By the morning light the good friar came
BY the sinners 81 lie to pray;
But his spirit had flown, and stretched on the ston
A corse the palmer lay.
And still from that stone at the hour of one
Go visit it who dare
The blood runs red and shrek OF dread
Pierces the midnight air.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1881-10-02
UNpUBL1sH1D POEM BYSIR HALTER SCOTT
Ernm 1he AMen9itm.

From 1he Aheneum.
Nv late fpther, saws correspondent was !
friend of Scott's and helped him in the decoration
and fuish;ngs of AbbOtsford. Srott would often
dine with my father when III London and wa'
greatly interested III the garden. In one corner ther'
vas SOM rockwork, in which were inserted SOME
fragmen Is of stone ornaments from the ruins OF All
burn Priory; and GROWING all was large, lIregu
larly shaped stone. having deep red STAN, no uouD
of ferrlgipous origin. This stone was sent to my
father by Lord Mulgrave in one OF his cement YES
sells. nov father having been struck with its appear
ance ~, the shore at Whitby; and from these simple
really mconnected facts Scott made out the 1oIlow
ing story in verses which might be regarded as
KIND of fre2dly offering N return for services rem
dered:
THE MUCRLE STAN OR BLEEDING STONE Oh
KILBURN PRIoRY.
For the blessed rood of Sir Gervase the good
The nuns of Kilburn pray.
But for the wretch who shed his blood
No tongue prayer shall say.
The bells shall ring and the nuns shall sing
Sir Gervase TO the best,
But hottest rites will never bring
His murdereTs soul to rest.
Now tell me, pray. thou palmer grey,
Why thou kneelest at this shrine,
And why dost thou cry so eagerly
Upon the help divine 7
Oh. tell me who the man may be-
And what his deadly sin.
That the Churchs prayer for his soul despair
The mercy of Christ may wIn.-
Icry at this shrine on the help divine
To save the soul OF one -,
Who in death shall lie ere morning light
Upon this ancient stone.
Sir Gervase rode forth far in the North
TO Whitby's holy see;
In her bower alone his lady made moan,
A fairer could not be-
His false brother came to the weeping dame;
oh, love you dearer than lie.-
Hence! would you win TO shame and sin
Thy brothers welded wifei-
He is far away, thou sweet ladie,
And none may hear o. see,
So lady bright, this very night,
Oh. open your door to me.
Sir Gervase rides forth far in the North,
,Tis long ere he comes back,
And thine eyes shine out like stars by night
From thy hair of raven black
The fire shall burn at the door stone
Ere open my door to thee,
And thy suit Of hell TO Sir Geryase I'll tell,
And a traitors death thou wilt die
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1881-10-02
rlBULA1IyG MoR4L STATISTICS.

SOME SUGGESTIONS by THE REV. g. H. sMIrH, OF
TIE HOUSE or REFUGE, RANDALLs ISLAND.
TO the razor Or The TrtbuHe.
SIR: The paper read yesterday by EXPIRES
idcnt Wooscy the Social Science Congress entitled
"The Imperfect knowledge Of the Moral Statistics Of
the United States" suggests the inquiry, whether II
would not be a most important work for our American
Social Science Association bring about interna-
tona and uniform system Of throughout the civ
zed world. from which could be compiled, every de
cade or as often the taken, moral and SO
cal statistcs for comparison that would bo invaluable
10 the statesmen aud phanthropstS Of all nations.
simple table might be compiled gyiug-in the Of
paupcrs Tor eHample--the population OF the various
countries the OF paupers they contain, the pro-
portion Of the latter the former the total cost OF
tanning them the per capita cost etc. Then there could
be made, by these tables comparison OF statistics for
decades each country, showing the increase de-
cease and also comparisons Of one country with an
other. Then might follow brief chapter enumeratng
the causes OF paupersm used for proven
ton etc. and the results. In this way, crime and every
phase Of social deterioration might be tabuIated and the
combined skin and wisdom OF the world In combating
IL brought together for the mutual benefit Of the
tons
The commonwealth OF the world are 80 closely re-
lated now aud 40 constantly iuterningng, that the
social evils that burden society longer national.
hui international and concern the destiny OF the human
The compilation Of such work ~ here suggested,
whct her from UNIFORM system OF WOulu
greatly facilitate the labOrOr from census AT present
available would be- Of ncaCuahc value To those deal
ing with the social problems that have baiied the
genuity since the beginning That there DIFF
hcultics 10 be encountered IN the preparation G al.
nit, the cXpens" attending the collecting or the
statistics editing, TRANSMITTING publishing etc But the
expense to each Government that wOnd aid in such Il
work would be a mere tribe compared with the benefits
received in Were the social science Organi
tons OF the principal countries 10 unite In the prcpara-
ton OF small manual OF comparative moral social
statistics would cost little than the Statesman
Year BOOK" and would prove admirable sequel To
that Invaluable cOmpend OF political economy.
Netr- York, Sept q, 1851 GEORGE III. SMYTH.