The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1881-04-01
wAKINs THE WRONG MAN.
How He Thought Woodtick william, oh
Miner, Rode ON the Hail.

How He Thought Woodticsx william, TN,
| Miner, Rode ON the Hail.
The fact that every business has its
particular lingo, which is dead Ian.
guage to people OF other professions, wa:
| never more clearly shown than In the
following article by Bill Nye in the
Chicago Tribune:
One night about half after twelve, !
Judge, heard somebody step along &c
the window Of my boudoir. Hearing
1t that time of night reckoned thai
something crooked was going on, so
slid out OF bed and got my great blood
searcher. and liver purifier, with the
new style OF center fire and cartridge
eector, and slid mp to tbe window, cal
culating to shove a. tonic into whoever
1t might be that was picknicking around
my claim. a
looked out SO as to get a good idea
OF where wanted to sink on him, and
tnen thought before / mangled him
Ia ask II he had any choice about
which part of his vitals he wanted to
preserve, 30 sung out to him;
"Look out below there. pard. for I'm
going to call the meeting to order in a
minute. just throw up your hands. II
you please, and make the grand hailjpp
sign Of distress, or I'll have to mutilate
ycul just show me about where you'd
like to have the fatal wound, and be
spry about 1t, too, because I've got nv
brief costume on, and the evening air is
He didn't understand me apparently,
for a gurgling laugh welled up from
below, and the party sings back:
"Hullo, Fatty, is that your Just
lookin' to see II you'd fired up yet. You
knoW l was to come around and flag
you II second seven was out. Well,I'ye
been down to the old mans to see what's
on the board. Three is two hours late
and four ID reported on time. There's
3wo sevens out and two sections of
nine. Skinuey'u take out first seven
and Shorty'll pull her with l02. It's
you and me for second seven, with Linn.
ber Jim on front end, and Frenchy TO
hold down the caboose. First five is
wrong side up in washout this side of
Ogallala, and old Whatshisname
that runs 1853 got his crown sheet cayed
in and telescoped lis headlight
into the New Jerusa.e You
know the little Swede that used to run
extra for Old Hotbox on the emigrant
for while Well, he's firing on 256
and he's under three flats and coal-oil
tank, with a break beam across his
coupler and his system more or less re-
laxed: He's gone to the sweet subse-
quently too. Rest OF the boys are more
or less demoralized and sidetracked for
repairs. Now, you don't want to mon-
key around much. for If you don't loom
up like six bits and 60 out on the track
the old man III give you a time check
and the oriental grand bounce. You
hear the mellow thrill of my bazoo."
Then slowly VI corked the great
blood purifier and, moving to the foot
lights where the silvery moon beams
could touch up my dazzling outlines,
l said: Partner, / am pleased and
gratified to have met you. don't know
the first ding busted thing you have said
to me, but that's my misfortune. am
plain miner, and my home is the di-
gestive apparatus OF the earth, but for
professional melody OF the chin you
certainly take the cake. You also take
the cake basket and what cold
pie there tson- the dupp. My name
is Woodtick Williams. Idiscovered the
Feverish Hornet up on Slippery Ellum.
am proud to know you. Keep right
on getting more and more familiar with
your profession, and by-and-bye, when
nobody can understand you, you will be
promoted and respected, aud you will at
last be sleeping car conductor and
revel in the biggest mental calm and
wide shoreless sea of intellectual
stagnation that the world ever saw.
You will"
But he was gone.
Then ook the pillow. sham and
wiped some OF the pulverized crackers
)f the soles OF my feet and went to bed
= large COB of gloom.