Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1881-05-28
o.rNrENFTOUSLT SID.


e.. think it best not todispute whore there is
no probability Of convincing.
If YOU are slandercd never mindit; twill
all come off when it is dry.
The chap that puts mcs, into the brine i
/ the real corner OF bcef-B0sfoa C0mmcrcial
/ Buieia.
The man who thinks the boy who lives
rext door e. him is good boy has not been
I iound.-Boaoa I0sh
1t isanoticeab'c fact that hog has 10 be
/ killed before he is cured. This is true of
two-legged hogs as well as Of qladrupedsa
There are some men who can put ON b
white chokerond look As if they were only
little lower than the angels.
| is terribly embarrassing to come inth
town from fishing excursion and find there
is not a trout in the market.
What tic people out this way want to
know is whether or not Whitelaw was mar
ried in ccru stockings cut Pompadour-
Chicago Tribune.
After long days of storms and showcrs
OF sighn winds and dripping bower,
On newly swept and gamshed skies
If Mary Anderson does not like the way
in which her step fathcr manages her prop
erty she will have TO difficulty in finding
youig Ihan to aEupe the responsibility.
"Papa, now do editors get in free at an
the shows ?" "Well my boy, they generally
give five dollars worth of advertising for
a twenty-five cent ticket"
If any thought Of unne. Ger sung or tol d.
Has ever given delight or consolation.
Nc have repaid me back thousand-iold
BY every f-irf fly Sgi and ssliutatiof
Ruskin says that European wars would
not last week if their effect was 20 break
all the china in the houses Of the governing
classes.
For many DAYS she gaddcd on earth
Burdcncd with gossip and care.
But now she's IN Heaven telling the Lord
How mean her ncighbors were
The first Man to try to fsS ioty days
was a hero, the second sr impious imitator,
and Of subsequent o,ee the public SIMPLY
remark The poor doluded fools"
Every man has skeleton in his closet
aud a private and personal tombstone on
which is inscribed The epitaph, Sacred to
the memory of wasted time and lost oppor-
tunity.'
Perseverance is not deserving Of blanc or
of praise, in most instances since it Is mere
lv the continuance OF tastes and feeling,
which We can neither create nor destroy.
I'm passing sentence on two ronics Philip
OF Maccdon ordered one 10 leave Macedonia
with all speed, and the other to try to caicl,
him.
Sgh no more. laiics, sigh no more
Men were dcccivcr's ever,
One foot in sea and one ON shore,
loon thing constant never.
pre,iry Mays slyim-milk month
When fecbly docs the pulse STIR
'Taint warm enough for q calico cont
Ard YOU feel Ike 4 fool in an ulster
{twas an Iri,h editor that exclaimed.
when speaking of the wrongs Of his coun-
try: &" Her cup Of misery Las been over
flowing, and it Is not yet lulll'
"In't that beautiful color2 said tho
fish dealer "a hc cut into large salmon
"Ycs," said Flolsam, 81 suppose he is
blushing at the extravagamt price he Is get
ting for himself"
p A busy man at Columbus, Ohio, keeps a
phonograph ready for ne in his Office, and,
when anybody begins TO cell him a long s,0-
~, be SAYS. " Just talk IL int1thc instrument,
and IN listen to IT by and by.
A Maine political speaker mentioned
somebody a. a-hylock and an auditor asked
who Slylock was. If YOU don't know"
the orator scornfully replied, you'd better
90 home and read your Bible"
70 resuscitate n drowned Engiishman.
place piece Of roast beet under his nose
an Irishnan, gin Of potecn a -cotclman.
half-peuny; a Welshman, few lceks; Il
Frenchman. pinch Of snuff; p Spaniard,
some fresh blood an old maid, an offer Of
marriage Yankee, attempt b pick his
pockets.
80 hearts we fondly love.
pallid lips
That bore our farewell kiss
From this
To Wonder worlds eclipse?
DO ye safe homo.
Smile at vour earthly doubts NJ what would come
Hereafter
When Barnum's show passed through n
city in the interior Of the State Chang, the
Chinese giant, who was sitting alongside Of
the driver Of Pharaoh's chariot, unthinking-
! Is arose in his seat to peer over four-story
building, when a telegraph wire caught
him just below the belt and nearly cut him
in half. This j. reliable, If true.
Little Isa, years old, in her fathers alb
sencc at business, happened to let china
( plate fall. Her mother was very sOuy for
T the accident, as il broke her set. At night
she told her husband about it, and he said,
Why, Isa, how did You dosuch careless
thing" "This way, papa, " said she, quick
a. fash, taking another plate from the
tea-table and dropping il on the tlocr.