Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-09-20

"Go dip the bounding ocean dry,
Upset the mountain with . match,
Kick o'er the eeaming stars On nisn'
Or nickel from Q mfser snatch;
Herd cattle with . Tiny mouse,
From whisky wean acowboy tTus,
The glim Of heaven with spittls dousA,
But never doubt my love for you!
The evening star Its yesper lamp
Above the west had 1T,
| The dusky curtains OF the night
We're following over IL
He seized her waist and clas1ed her hand
n told her tale Of love:
He called her every tender name,
"My darling. - duck" and dove"
A tremor shook her fairy form.
Her eyes began 70 blink;
Her pulse rose 70 ahundred, and
She cried: ~ thInk-l think"
BE sighed: you think you love met for
Ris soul was on the rack.
ooh, mol" she yelled, Il hin o bug
Il crawling down my back
On q trsmp-Rags.
Bald heads never dye.
Out OF mind-A lunatie.
Inc dress ClLClo-Ah0 o0A'
A bosom friend-Ths baby.
Do fremen darn their hosef
Brewers are sons of mslt-eh.
The Sioux tribe-The lawyers.
A sheet anchor-A clothes pin.
Something to lie about-A bed.
Lawyers dish-sus it pudding.
A standing invitation-Get up.
A stuck up thing-A show bill.
Even good little lambs gambol.
An exchange explains that the head
ing "Smith's Broken Truss" IN yester'
DAVIS issue, should have been Smiths
Broken Trust"
"Help the sweep, please, SIR u
can't, nv child, / haven't any broom"
was the reply Of an honest.looking coun'
tryman to q New York street sweeper's
appeal.
A merry young woman: 81 under
stand that your courtship with Charley
ia at an epdP' "Yes," said she, Char
lev pressed his suit until it was thread
bare, so I gave him the sack"
Latest from Long Branch: "No per:
ceptible change" said he. as he read
the head lines in the evening paper.
mo, nor there hasn't been any for a
week" said she, turning his vest pocket
inside out, land if some isn't forthcom-
ing pretty quick there'l be trouble"
Sister-"Lawks, Bill, 'ow startled You
look; ave you lost any OF yer papersT'
Newspaper boy-"Startled, yus! COS
I've sufin' out q reglar invention; I've
found a substitoote fur Ingy-rubber."
S-"What is it?" N. B.-"Why, q am
sandwich what I eat at this ere cook
shop"
Customer-"I don't know how it Is,
but my clothes never 6t me nicely.
Now you always make my friend Cap.
tain Stollert's coats to sit beautifully"
Tailor-"Yes, but he's got shoulders to
hang 'em ON If gentleman's made
like a champagne bottle, no tailor can
ct him."-CExit customer in dudgeon.]
A man who has been travelling a great
deal over the country furnishes the best
definition we have heard yet ofthe aver
2 railroad eating house. He says 1t Is
a place where the train stops long
enough for q pious-looking man, who
has been q Colonel, to collect q dolla.
from each passenger for taking away his
appetite.
Gust keep your bottle OF whisky in
your closet, and when the girl brings
YOU your hot shaving water in the morn
ing you can mix your toddy quickly,
and not a soul will know 3 thing about
it." said the NJ. D. The plan worked
well until the old mans daughter
thought he must be going insane, be-
cause he wanted to shave five or six
times a day.
An old Connecticut deacon once took
to church with him 3 young man, edu-
Gated, refined, and q lover of nature.
The autumnal hues were at the height
of their glory, and the young mar called
the attention of his companion to .
beautiful clump OF trees. The stagger-
ing response that the old nan gave was:
II never see trees on Sunday"