davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

''WHAT is coldfr asks Chambers Journal.
Well sir, suppose you begin by sneezing so hard
you nearly break your neck and bite your tongue
terribly. Then your nose gets stuffed up, and
You need about fourteen handkerchief a day,
and the end of your nose gets too watery, and
you begin to cough the folks across the way
can't Sleep and you feel lame all over, as though
you'd been under fire engine, and you're ugly,
aud kick the dog, aud chase the cat with a boot
jack, tell your wife she can't cook, and make
the household gehenna for ten days Then
you've got cold.-BOst0R Post.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

A NATRoS under cross-examinaticn rs a wit
ness turned up her nose at the insinuation that
her daughter was inclined to wed widower.
VERY likely, indeed, I" said she, with toss of
her head, "that my daughter should marry
secondhand nanw
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

How TO Cook PoTAro.-wash it well, but
let there be no scraping. At the thickest end
cut of n piece the sire Of q sixpence.
This is the safety valve through which the
steam escapes and all rents in the skin are there
by prevented, just as the valve prevents rup-
tnre in the steam boiler.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

The man who prepared the following ought &c
be lynehed by an outraged community:
''Why is a cats tail like the worldr-
"Coz, it's fur to the end"
''S'pose the cats tail was singed-how them
sFThen, faint so fur
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

APoETEss means: 'My heart lay on the thresh-
ing floor; stifed every wall, As blow on blow
descended From one who held the fail" 1t was
enough to kill her, But woman who is so care
less as to leave her heart lying on a barn floor
until il is pounded into jelly with fail
doesn't deserve a particle of sympathy. The
thresher, perhaps, didn't know it was ''only
woman's heart" He may have mistaken il for
a section of condemned bologna sausage, and we
therefore ask a suspension of public opinion in
his behalf until his side of the story is printed
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

VINES are said TO extract yearly from the soil
only about three-fourths of the quantity of potash
and phosphoric acid that the cereals take up.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

BLAZING fires built in orchards on warm even
ings when trees are in full bloom, are said 20
destroy large numbers of the Cooling moth.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

MAN proposes and woman, often wishes that he
wouldn't be 50 long making up his mind.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

SEVEN cords of dry, hard wood have q heating
power eqnal to eight cords Of green wood
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

A WET soil rots the roots of trees, and hurts
them otherwise.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

81 HoPE / DoS'T Misunderstanding OF
wags; what is more waggish than dogs tail
when he is peasedi
Speaking of tails-we always like those that
end well-Hogg's, for instance.
Speaking of hogs-we saw one of those animals
the other day lying in the gutter, and in the op-
poste one, well dressed man: the first one had
a ring in his nose, the latter had a ring on his
finger. "a hog is known by the company he
keeps" thought we, so thought Mr.. Porker, and
off he went.
Speaking of going Outputs us in mind of a
gun We owned. 1t went off one night, and We
havn't seen il since.
Speaking of guns-reminds us of powder. We
saw n lady yesterday with so much of it on her
face that she was refused admission into an ON
nibus, for fear Of an explosion.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

In shingling use but single nail, and put
that one near the edge.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21
A soHo.
II GEORGE MACDONALD,

II okokSk AcpoSALp-
Do nst vex the violet,
Perfune 10 aIord,
xlse No odor th0l viii got
Prem its little hoard
In thy laAy's grasisss eyes.
Lssk - tkoa too loGe.
Elss m theo IL gisy fiss.
Ard thsa tost ~ wrs1E-
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21
"a Daisy on Land. y

Most of the travelling public are acquainted
with that jovial, good natured and most excel
lent of fellows, George W. Pierce, caterer of the
dining car service the Chicago, Burlington
and Quincy railroad. George is the oldest con-
ductOr on the line, and the boys pay all due re-
spect to his seniority. But he is most highly re-
spected and admired for his story telling quail
ties aud his rare impersonating powers And
the '.bOys" may he found assembled about him
whenever their duties will permit. 1t was n few
days ago that we had the pleasure of listening
at a story which George claimed occurred in his
own experience, short time ago. 1t appears
that an Irish woman made application for n pO-
sition to cook on his car and she pursued her
application with n vigOr that would not be dis
couraged. Pierce concluded to examine the wO-
mans proficiency in the culinary art, and the
following cOllOquy occurred:
MADAM We have no vacant place for you Just
now; all the places filed by them cOlOred
gentlemen you see here"
"What, thin nasty, dirty nagarsf Why, it's
meself that can bate any magyar cooking
''Well madam, can you broilp
"0ch, kin II why, / dote upon me briling.n
"Can you stew MADAME
"Well, now, Misther Pierce, what n question
to ask an Irish lady if she kin stew. It's meself
that has stewed all me life"
al would like to know if You can fricssee,
Mrs. 0'Flaniganf' urbanely inquired Mr.. Pierce.
Snow, Mr.. Pierce, do We rally name iti Can /,
you giddy thingi Well, ! niver did at sea, but
its mesiif that's daisy on land"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-04-21

do not know who the author Of these ines but
pity who at only fifty years Of age has become
out and dyspeptc to indulge in such
vhiningl
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1881-07-26
MARKED AT SIGHT.
Milwaukee Sentinel.

Farmer Swain, Of Peshtigo, was
one Of the lappiest of mortals yester-
day. 4 widower, the owner of iif-
ty-acre farm, he desired and came to
the city to form new matrimonial
alliance. He discovered his affinity
in q well-known woman on the West
Side named Rika X. Schwanz, en-
bellisfed her with jewelry at a sec
ond-hand store, purchased her long,
white veil, which trailed on the walk
behind her, and large loops Of the
same material for her shoulders.
They were married by justice and
proceeded northward on the evening
train, the bride wearing her veil and
puifs, and the bridegroom arrayed as
he came, carrying under his arm a
paper bundle, through which an end
of long loaf of brown bread pro-
truded. They found all the people
at the depot in smiles and declared
that Milwaukeeans we're the happiest
people on the face of the globe.
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1881-07-26
An OHIO MAN AT HEART.

The other day ! ran across m old
friend who has figured somewhat in
the foreign service.
"What are you doing here"
"Well, the fact is want to be Con
sui at -, aud the indications are
that can get it if push my claim"
"Well, ! don't see what claim you
have on this country. You didn't get
wounded more than once or twice IN
the late unpleasantness, ard you
haven't squandered more than ten
thousand for the party. Besides that,
you're too far west. Indiana is lit
tie out Of range just now. Why don't
Won come from Ohio !"
"Well,' hereplied, "that's pretty
good arguments Just between us now,
not TO be repeated anywhere, ! am an
Ohio man-ut hcujI.'-Washington
CAPITAL. ..
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1881-07-26
THE SCIENCE or KISSING.

Science IN the last few years has
gained u terrible foothold tn this
world. It lias ratified the dry bones
Of fogyism, made pi out OF worn out
theories, upset ideas which have been
established for centuries. The lat
est and most astonishing fact that has
been developed Is that there IL q
scientific mode Of kissing. The day
when a young man could grab n girl
around the neck and gobble a kiss III
Il rough but comfortable mann CT Is
past. The time when he could en-.
circle her waist with one arm, get bis
shirt bosom full Of hair oil, and pi-
rouette hls lips over every square inch
Of her couptennnce is 10 more.
Science has proclaimed against it,
and man shudders but remains silent.
The old style of kissing which sounds
like tearing n clapboard off n smoke
house, is now considered bad taste,
and consequently going out Of fashion,
although the majority Of girls admit
that science has cruelty destroyed NIL
the comfort of long, lingering, heart
thrilling kiss, and this fact caused
them to express 10 little regret. The
improved scientific method Of kissing
In to throw the right arm languidly
around the fair ones shoulder, tilt
her chin up with the left hand, until
her tace is pointed at an angle Of 70
degrees-or rather until 1t has an
aspect resembling the bowsprit Of a
clipper built Bloop. Then stoop softly
and Craze about her lips IN q quiet,
sudden sort of way, and tickle hei
nose with your moustache until she
cries couch !" This is scientific kiss
ing but there Ia no consolation IN
it-nothing to make man feel like
rs il a couple Of 'galvapic butterflies
were galloping along his spinal col,
umn. It is hat-lukewarm, it lacks
substance, and, if not stale, it IL at
least Il nproiitable.
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1881-07-26

was making, aud put them on her
horse, back Of her, When she had
gone some distnnee IN the woods she
heard u sqpad ol gaefillas approach.
ing, md knowing her goods would
not be snle fos a moment, she strad-
died het horse, ntah fashion, and
throwing her long skirt over the
packages behind her, completely con-
eealed 1t. When the gaefillas rode
Zip she WINS unable to guess whether
they belonged to the North Or the
South their uniform being 10 soln-
ton whatever. She determined, If
questioned, to play bluff game with
them, and she soon Ind u chance to
exercise her wit. "Hellon called out
one of the guerillas. "HelloW she
returned. "What side are You Oh ~
he challenged. She laughed q good
laugh ut him ae she replied, kicking
out her feet, son both sides, Of course;
can't you see" This brought roar
from the whole squad, and they be-
gan to banter her In her own fashion.
(Which side Is yonr old man on "
asked one of them. "He's on neitli-
er side,' she laughed "he's Oh biz
bacl, and has been for years. Such
WIT saved her, and they let her pass
on unmoleAted.
Louisiana capitolian. (Baton Rouge, La.) 1879-1881, 1881-07-26
A WOMAN'S QUICK WIT.
Letter to Cincinnati Commercial


The part Of Tennessee through
which have been knocked about is
full of "reminiscences Of the war, but
there is none Of its bitterness left.
In war time the people were greatly
divided in their sentiments, and no
man could tell t'other from which.
This remark reminds me Of q story
heard yesterday about an estimable
woman Of seventy odd, who died two
or three years ago here on the noun
tains. One day during the war when
the country was fairly alive with que
rillas, she had occasion to take some
valuable goods with her on a trip she
The Republican journal., 1881-06-23
a Good Word for the Crow

The Lewiston Journal says: The crow
is generally regarded with disfavor by
farmers, and there are just grounds of
complaint against him, yet we do not be-
eve that he is "totally depraved,' with
no redeeming traits. We have formerly
spoken a good word for him from time to
time, claiming that he destroys many
noXious insects which might occasion the
farmer more injury than the few hills Of
corn which he takes as a relish for his
other food. The crow is now said to be
adestroyer of the potato beetle. A west
ern Massachusetts farmer, last summer,
lound nest of young crows and at once
Killed them. Upon opening them to see
What they had been fed upon, he found
only potato beetles. Now if the crow is
acquiring taste for potato beetles, will
not the farmers regard him with more
lavorg Will they not overlook, to some
extent, his past transgressions and his
iondness for little green corn, and con-
Slder anew his claims to public favor 7
Let the crow have a chance to redeem
lis character. If he is the enemy of the
potato beetle he deserves to be regarded
DIS the friend of the farmer.
The Republican journal., 1881-06-23
Brighton Cattle Market.


Amount of stock at market: Cattle, 2729 sheep
and lambs GS90; swine, 1885,; number Of western
cattle 25l6; eastern cattle, 43; milch cows and
northern cattle, 100
Prices of beef cattle " 100 III live weight, extra
quality, Sc 37s4 az s1; first, 50 62a a6 25 second,
50 l2l a 5o third, 81 5oa5 90; poorest grades of
coarse oxen, bulls, etc, So so ( al BIZ
Brighton Hides So a9c v ID Brighton Tallow,
3i4c " ID; Country Hides, n d11ac y ID; Country
Talow, 4941&c y b; Calf Skins, l21l 9l3c y ib;
Western Sheared Skins, 35g4jc each; Northern
Sheared skins 2543jc each; Lamb Skins, SOC each
Mich Cows Extra, $56G$70; ordinary, $209
SIS; springers, SlSg$55 y head. We quote sales
of | springer, So; do, $3.50; mich cows for
$3.50 the two; springers, $31 each; milch COW,
s3l; springers for Sl65 the lot mich cows s35
to $42 each.
sheep and Lambs-Sheep cest5a6Ic y Ii; spring
lambs, 6dS1ac u ib, live weight.
Veal Calves-Those from Maine sold at 5a5l&cR y
b, live weight.
swine-Prces OF fat hogs remain unchanged,
costing a97c y III, live weight, landed at the
slaughter houses. Spring pigs, $2.25d5,jO u head.
The Republican journal., 1881-06-23
t'arragut in Mobile Bay.

From AN August Morning with Farragut by
f. c, Kinney, in the June Scribner, which also
contains description OF the new Farragut statue.
with illustrations
Happily for the fleet and for the country, there
was man in command that day equal to the eIner
gency-a man whose eagle eye graSped every de
tail OF the fight while he possessed the skill to di
rect and the nerve and ability to execute. There
no time for doubt or delay. had ne hesltated,
the fortune Of the day must have been against US.
The Admiral was standing in the futtock shroudS.
under the main tOp,-a position above the smoke,
from which he could take in the whole situation.
and could communicate with the pilot in the main
top, and with the heet-captaln and executive
officer OIL the deck beneath For several years,
there has been a discussion Ill the papers and
magazines of the country as to the Admlrais
being lashed to the rigging. The writer has no
light to throw on the subject Farragut was
standing the shroudS as described when the
writer went gu deck, and he renamed there until
the Hartford had passed beyond the range of the
fort But there were not more than two or three
persons on board who knew anything about his
being fastened in place The first heard OF il III
the fleet was some three or four weeks after the
fight. when the New I iork papers We're received.
Various rumors had been circulated as 10 the fact,
one OF which was that the Admiral took a ropes
end with him when he went aott, and secured 1t
so to prevent his falling on deck in Of acci
dent fhls is the story which was current on
shipboard at that time and was generally believed.
Since Tie incident has been under discussion In
the papers the real facts in the case have been
made b own and will stand in history on the un-
questioned authority of Fleet Captain Drayton and
Of Flag Lieutenant j. Crttenden Watson, OF the
Admiras staff. This Is to the effect that Captain
DraytOu, seeing the Admiral IN the rigging, and
fearing be might be killed by fall on deck in case
he were wounded ordered an old quartermaster to
take ropes end and secure it around him, so
that ne would he prevented from falling. The
The Republican journal., 1881-06-23
Treasure Seekers.

About eighty one years ago, or i'll the last year
of the last century, a cumbersome old Spanish
manot war, with 900,0 900 gold dollars and wealth
of jewels slowed away in her strong boxes, struck
a reef near Montevideo, at the mouth of the Rio
de la Plata, and went to the bottom Since then
the waves of the ocean have sung dirge over the
wreck and buried it beneath alluvium twenty feet
deep. The old salts who sailed by this hidden
treasure would shift their quids and swear by the
spanker boom that they would like to locate the
wreck but beyond this no steps were taken to
discover its submarine grave. One old tar, Capt,
Charles A, Jones, of Philadelphia, who has spent
years in raising wrecks on the South American
coast thinks he has nearly placed the old man of
war such is his faith in his divination that he has
had constructed tight little steamer, supplied
with the requisite machinery and will sail in quest
of the treasure. This craft, which cost $4,000,
will lift anchor in a few days and sail for the
tropics In addition to the crew of twenty wreck
ers and Engineer Charles j. Marsh, of New York,
the services of native divers will be employed in
seeking the treasure. Capt. Jones says his vessel
is supplied not only with all the necessary ma
ebnery to clear away the accumulated mud, but
with every appliance to prosecute the work with
diligence.
The Republican journal., 1881-06-23
Literature.

| The Excelsior Monthly devoted to practical edu-
cation and published by D. H. knowlton & Co.,
tarminSton Me-, makes fine appearance typo
graphically, and its contents will commend it to
the fraternity of teachers 1t is in ali respects
most creditable publication.
Z, Steger d Co., New York have in press
Dictionary Of Education, abridged from the valua-
Bile Cyeopudia of Education by Henry Kiddle and
A. j. Sehem, published in 1871 The Dictionary
is intended for manual on the theory and prac
tlce of teaching
Mrs. NJ. d. Welcome, of Yarmouth, Maine has
published in neat pamphlet form, illustrated, her
Essay on Roses, read before the Maine Pomolog
ical Convention held in Gardiner last March, and
will send it by mail, postpaid, receipt Of fifteen
cents. Talks About Flowers by the same au-
thor, is in press.
American invention and enterprise enables
book which it costs $50 to import from England to
be offered to the American public complete for
only = 30, The book in question is THE First of
May, Iew poem, containing a series of y de-
signs from original drawings by Mr.. Walter Crane.
The original work was long time in preparation,
in London, owing to the care which was bestowed
upon engraving lHe plates. II las III" peeA Ic
produced by the heliotype process, giving with alb
solute fathfulness and exquisite sottness all the
characteristics of the original. J. K Osgood &
Co., publishers, Boston.
The July number of the North American Review
will contain an exhaustive article on Indian affairs
by Carl Schurz, and very lively on "The
Power of Public Plumber by James Parton
The July Scribner will contain contributions
from John Esen Cooke, Joel Chandler Harris
("Uncle Remus"l Sidney Lanier, J. A. Macon,
William Murtree ST., Constance Cary Harrison,
George W Cable, W D. Howells, Harriet MeEwen
Kimball, Sarah D. Clark, George p. Fisher Rose
Hawthorne Lathrop, Charles Barnard, Maurice +.
Egan, Albert St;ckney May Crolv Roper Eugene
Schuyler, S B. Parsons Jr, D. t. Proudht, II.
W. Elliott. OF these the first seven are Southern
ers. the next SIX New Euganders the next tive
New Workers
The numbers OF The Living Age dated juno lth
and June th, contain articles On The Unity of
Nature by the Duke of Argyll From The Had OF
India, and Law reform the days Of Justinian.
Carlyle's Lectures on the Periods Of European
Culture Margaret, Duchess of Newcastle; Mr.,
sThrale; Lost One year in a German Cookery
School Science in China; The Hippopotamus
Hobbies, and The Industrial Ideal OF life The
Ethnology of Eyes with instalmeats OF Visited
Oh the Children, and The Freres "A Bishops
Confession, and the usual amount OF poetry.
The Republican journal., 1881-06-23
English Appreciation Of American Letters.

American literature has now become so tar
English that 1t has supplied us with more house
hold words than the literature OF any other eoun
try. except France. Mr.. Lowell's own "Biglow
Papers have lent us Some-notably the skeptl-
cal criticisms of John p. Robinson on the culture
of Palestine and the warning as to the necessity
of early rising when one is attempting to clrcum-
vent the Absolute. From writer much less triy-
oous than he is commonly thought to be, Mark
Twain we have derived not only by-wordS but op-
psrtunities for that inextinguishable laughter
which seems to refresh and renew the whole syS
TEN If Mark Twain had written nothing but the
account of his purchase OF the celebrated Mexican
plug and his account OF how he once increased
the circulation of an agricultural paper he would
have made his mark among the humorlsts who
have used the English language. Mr. Bret Harte
has supplied us with the immortal economical
reflections Of Bill Nye and has formulated the
doubt which wo all feel in the presence of the
Mongolian race, the doubt whether Aryau man is
not played out, has not had his innings and is Oh
the point OF following the Toltees into the grave
of vanished peoples But these are only the first
names that occur. Our fiction owes its most re
fined and elaborate pages to Mr.. James and MIR,
Howells, our anthropology is under heavy debt
to Mr. Bancroft and Mr.. Morgan, our criticism is
sharpened by contact with that of half a dozen
brilliant writer's, and perhaps il is only in poetry
that we still venture to think it we may use al
appropriate expression, I'VE have the inner tracks.
The American Caucasians are certainly not played
out, and may perhaps expect from them the
poet who is to succeed our foremost living masters.
London Daily News
The Republican journal., 1881-06-23
Where the Drums Come From.

Granville Corners is situated about two miles
north Of the Connecticut line. A large mill stream
runs through the place Ia branch of the Westheld
river) furnishing number of privileges, most Of
which are utilized. Messrs. Noble Il Cooley are
by far the largest manufacturers in the place, They
say that in December 1888 they first made drum
in Mr.. Mobiles fathers kitchen, from board found
in the barn, steamed it with teakettle, and used
two hogs bladders for the heads. Next they made
dozen drums, and sent them away in boot-box.
They now have factory l0xl0 feet with five
floors, and use steam and water. They have made
and sold - 900 drums. These were made of wood,
tin, brass and nickel, They used for the heads of
all these drums, 900 sheepskins which came
from Liverpool, of the kind known sated flesh
es. Let none of your readers wonder where all
the toy drums are made hereafter. This firm also
made 400 gross of toy pistols, q, ,0)o boxes
700 gross rolling hoops, and $1,000 boxes
toothpicks. Hartford Times.