Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1881-07-15
OUR COLONEES STORY:
Or, u slip 'twiNt the Cup and the Lip.
"You all know Sandy Mcpherson 2" said

Or, u slip 'twixt the Cup and the Lip.
"You all know Sandy Mcpherson ?" said
our Colonel.
Intimately" Perfectly" "As well as
my own brother, sir 20 most of us replied
though, il the truth be told, there was not a
man at that mess-table who had ever heard
of Mr.. Mcpherson before. You see, il was
the commanding officer who spoke, and it
was always risky saying him nay when he ex-
pected yea.
''They used to call him, you recollect, the
Great Unwashed ; a vulgar but appropriate
sObrig,set nevertheless" continued the chief
Great on account Of his burly and precious
ly ugly person unwashed, by reason of his
accredited scant acquaintance with brown
windsor, spring water and the functions of
the dhirz6es and dhObjeS, !. e., tailors and
washermen Of the land.
''On his coffee estate in the mountains
aud among his undraped and unscrubbed
coolies, this disregard of the comforts and
conveniences of life went for nothing, per-
haps II was even in keeping with the sur
roundings but, when he came down 10 this
city, walked in its public gardens and esplan-
ade, or showed with its swells at the band
his appearance was something too outrage
ous, and his brother X. G. BIS meaning
Knights of the Coffee Berry, and not, as you
UliBul huDpOht, VI lut OTutT Vi Tue Dull,
dressy men hereabouts, whatever else they
are on their plantations, cast him completely
into the shade by their get-up and gorgeous
ness.
'As for the spinsters and young widows of
the station by Mars Bacchus, Apollo, vro-
rum, as Colonel Damas in the play puts ii,
there was scarce one but who fought shy of
admitting him into her presence as a NOM
ing visitor much less as a suitor, though many
of these blooming ladies were on the sharp
lookout for the silken chains of matrimony,
and Barkis-that is to say, McPherson-was,
as they knew, willing
But, disadvantages of person and attire
notwithstanding, he was a right good fellow,
this same gentleman. He was honest, hard
working, thrifty, simple minded and from
being a mere adventurer without interest,
friends or money, he had, self-helped only,
saved up the bawbees little by little had
bought patch after patch, acre after acre, of
virgin land cut down its timber, cleared it,
planted it and now he had squatted down
free from encumbrances on Ailsa Craig, as he
called his property, as pretty and as fruitful
a small coffee estate as could be found in one
of the most picturesque districts of this love
ly island.
II wish that could give you even faint
idea Of the exquisite beauty of its scenery,
as it stood on a range of lofty hills looking
out on still higher mountains, clothed to their
very submits with hoary forest trees.
wish could paint that mighty waterfall, al
most beside the house, as it came rushing and
tearing over beds and boulders of rock, tum-
bling with an incessant roar into foaming
river below. l would l were able TO picture
the slopes gEeen with scented grass, the fields
white at one season with snowy blossoms,
and at another red with the ripening fruit of
N,,
with bright tropical flowers, and the steep de-
clivities verdant to their very bases with
ferns and lichens. / can't do it boys and
wont try. All that want to let you know is
that it was a deuced nice sort OF a place, this
habitat of the Mcpherson and that to be
settled there with ones household gods and
coffee selling at seventy or eighty shillings
per hundred weight in the market would pay
precious deal better than does her most
gracious Majesty-God bless her !-and the
command of this dear old corps with its un-
ruly subs.
80, no doubt, too, thought its owner as
he lolled and smoked at his cottage-front and
gazed at the silver bloom or the ruddy cher
ries of his trees growing almost up to the
very door. But it was a poor ungarnished
comfortless higgledy- piggledy sort of home
stead that same dwelling house for what
ever else friend Sandy had done toward the
beautifying and fertiliZing of his land his
roof f-tree, like his wardrobe, had been utterly
neglected. Both wanted just exactly what
he thought they did-the wife element to set
them ship-shape and presentable; and as
you have heard before for that desideratum he
was on the qW rire.
"Now, you young gentlemen who are in
the habit Of lawn -tennising, afternoon teaing,
spooning, walking, driving, with all the fem
mines, plain and colored of this place, and
who think that you have only to ask and be
received-which l beg aud entreat you will
not put to the test, cutting up the mess and
SO on-can't perhaps realize to yourselves the
difficulties the worthy l am speaking of had
met with in even this oyerstocked matrimo-
nial emporium. The Anglefralls, the Hunt
ers, the Hookers. lots of girls whom l will
not name, had snubbed or turned up their
pretty noses at him when he came a-wooing I;
and So nOLenS UOLenS, he remained bachelor,
matchmaking his i'll luck, and venting his
disappointments upon the backs of shirking
and recusant Tamil coolies, the recognized
natural enemies of coffee and the scapegoats
of its cultiyators
"Then as a last resource he sought, among
his brethren of the berry around, counsel as
to the most advisable method of getting the
so-needed helpmate and the first man he
consulted was Herr Thaler, successful and
rich German, whose estate bordered on Ailsa
Craig.
$50, so = said that parsonage. 'Zere is
noting more easy. Zave OF Eat ragget
beard, burn in re fire zose old clodes not fit
for 'Oundsditch or any Juden Strasse, buy
Won big tob, mein friend, get ZONE Europe
muster coats, and zen return to re frauleins
and vidder-fraus vid 20 monish-bags in re
'ands If zey will not ave zou, zey will take
re rupee frost em for Eat, my son.
"But the recommendation was unpalatable,
and to great extent impractieable, so anoth-
or fdus debates was appealed to, one Jack lie
Geste, a man much addicted to chaf and
practical joking.
SIN this land of pearls and precious
stones, no go, dear boy" said Mr.. lie G..
"From Dondra Head to Point Calamere-
north, south, east, west, the women wont
look at you that you have found out long
ago. Give up hunting, then, in these oft
tried colonial fields, and draw the home COW
ers Don't you happen to know any bOnny
lassie in your own Caledonia stern and
wild" or pretty colleen in the oisle of shil-
lelahs and shamrocks, who would be glad to
share curry and rice with you? Go aud try
those parts if not, have haphazard shy at
where l hail from, the Channel Islands.
| Spins-ay, and precious good-looking ones
too-are as plentiful there as cocoanuts here,
and may be one of them might be induced to
clear out in your favor. Failing those islets,
/ know of no other dodge than indenting up
on one of those cooperative associations
which furnish everything, even to better
half. But mind, old man, they keep roster
| for foreign service in their offices; first lady
| ON the list, plain or pretty, first for duty
you pays your money, but you don't take
| your choice
''But these suggestions also were consid-
cred infeasible, and put aside. Presently,
however, thought struck Mcpherson.
| "'Le Geste, said he, when l way boy