Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1881-11-24
A Modern Primer.

See the Lamp-Post. BY its Dim Rays
you can Behold the Electric Light
across the Street. There Is Man lean
ing against the Lamp-Post Perhaps
the Lamp-Post would Fall if it Were
not for the Man. At any Rate, the
Man would Fall Were it not for the
Lamp-Post. What is the Matter With
the Man? He appears to be Disquieted.
He is Trying to Work his Roots up
Through his Mouth. He will have a
Headache Tomorrow and Lay it to the
Climate.
The Girl is Scratching her Back
against the Door. She has Been Eat.
ing Buckwheat Cakes. Her Beau
thinks she is Delicate, but he has New
er Seen her Tackle a Plate of Hot
Cakes on a Frosty Morning. Cakes
had Better Roost High when she is
Around. If we We're Gill we would
wear Sand-Paper Lining in the Dress,
and not be Making a Hair Brush out OF
the Poor Door.
Here we Have Baby. 1t is Com
posed of Bald Head and Pair of
Lungs, One of the Lungs takes a Rest
while the Other runs the Shop. One
of them is always On Deck all of the
Time. The Baby is Bigger Man than
bis Mother. He likes to Walk around
With his Father at Night. The Father
does Most of the Waking and all of the
Swearing. Little Girls, you will Never
Know what it is to be Father.
The Peach is Hard and Green. He
is Waiting for Child to Come along
and Eat him. When he gets into the
Child's little Stomach he will Make
things Hot for that Child. The Child
Who eats the Peach will be an Angel
before he gets Chance to eat Another.
Ii there were No green Peaches there
would not be SO many Chlldrens' Sizes
Of Harps in Heaven.
Behold the Printer. He is Hunting
for Pickup of half Line. He has
Been hunting for Two Hours. He
could have Set the half line in Twenty
Seconds, but it is matter of Principle
with Him never to Set what he Can
pick up. The Printer has a Hard time.
He has to set Type all Night, and Play
pedro for the Beer all Day. We would
Like to be Printer were it not for the
Night Work.
This is the Man who has had No
tice in the Paper. How Proud he is.
He is Stepping higher than Blind
Horse. If he had Wings he would Fly.
Next week the Paper will say the Man
is a Measly Old Fraud, and the Man
will not Step SO High.
This sorry Spectacle is Plumber
He is Ragged and Cold and Hungry.
He is Very, very Poor. When you See
him Next Spring he Will be Very, very
rich, wear Diamonds and Broadcloth.
His wife Talks in Washing now, but
She will be able to Move in the First
Circles by the Time the Weather turns
Warmer and the Pansies bloom Again.
Here is Castle. 1t is the Home of
an Editor. 1t has Stained Glass win
dows and Mahogany stairways. In
front of the Castle is Park. 1t it not
Sweet? The lady in the Park is the
editors Wife. She wears Costly robe
of Velvet trimmed with Gold Lace, and
there are Pearls and Rubies in her
Hair The Editor sits on the Front
Stoop smoking Havana cigar. His
little Children are playing with Dia-
mond Marbles on the Tesselated floor
The editor can Afford to Live Ii Style.
He gets Seventy Five Dollars month
wages.
Here we Have n Piece of Chewing
Gum. 1t is White and Sweet. Chew
it awhile and Stick it on the Under
Side of the Mantel Piece. The Hired
Girl Will find it There and Chew it
a while Herself, and Thea Put it Back
In this way one Piece of Gum will An
swer for Whole Family. When the
Gum is no Good, Put in the Rocking
Chair for the Minister or your Sisters
Beau to sit Upon.
This Is a Cock Roach. lie is Big,
Black and Ugly. He is Crawling over
the Pillow. Do not say a Word but
be still and Keep your Mouth open.
He will Crawl into your Mouth and
You can Bite him in Two. This will
Teach him to be more Discreet in Flu
ture.-Denuer Tribune.
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The Commercial Traveller.
L. j Burdette. in Burlington Hawkeyc.