Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-12-22
pITH AND POINT.
HIaH training-Haughty culture.

HIGH Naughty culture.
How TO restore OIL paintings Garry
them back to the owner.
ASK a woman how old she is if Won
want her 10 show her rage.
EVERYTHING has to pay up sometimes
even the little chickens have to shell
out.
Nor satisfied with horses of every
other color, the ruler of 1unis Mustapha
Bey.
DURING the deluge Mr.. Noah was in
the habit OF calling his wife an ark
angel.
ONE is beer mug and the other is a
mere bug. The conundrum is of no inn
portance.
THERE is one town in Connecticut
that has no fear of the measles. It's
| Haddam.
AFTER YOU come to know a man Ikea
book, you make no account whatever of
| his binding.
THE widows smite," remarked the
relict as she boxed the ears of a too-for-
ward admirer
AUTHORS are spoken of rs living in Of
tics, because Sc few are able to live on
their first story.
A WOMAN who has four sons, all sail
ors, compares herself to a year. because
she has four sea sons.
THINK their feathers pretty A satiri-
cal slave says that tenors usually put on
more airs than they sing.
A BIRD that lives ON the finny tribe ia
a fish hawk: and the man who sells the
fnny tribe is a iish-hawker.
"SLANG is the destroyer of conversa-
ton. You bet t is, aud The American
public should S . down on ii.
n 'RwAY hoe discovered that TELEGRAPH
/ lines care le sal es away. They hrs
| p )babiy AFRAID Of the extortiona,e rates.
They tell us the tune is coming when
the grasshopper shall be a burden. If
is sincerely hoped it VII 10 a dead
| weight
! We always enjoy Greenback meetings
| when the meeting happens To occur he.
tween a greenback and onrsef. on
| City Derrick.
An Oil City man whose wife presented
him with twins thoughtfully remarked
Well, we'll; ! shoald smile to utter
that is little too two.
THE new Coroner has appointed a col.
ored man as one Of his DEPUTIES II,
will be handy for blackhurying parties
San Francisco Post.
"GRAoIoUs wife, sail a father as be
looked at his son William torn trolIs-
ers, g get that little bill resca.ed." And
she replied, "Sew / viii"
NEVER marry Hartford girl She
may be all right in other respects. bnt
her family ties will make her talk in
surance to you till yon cant rest.
CINCINNATI has founded a "Home"
for widows who have no intention AZ no.
cepting a second offer 1t is hoped that
at least two rooms will be occupied.
WHEN the Chicago man saw Niagara
he shed tears. "Durn IT, said he. ~
amt liar enough to describe it and make
1t out bigger than it is. I'm foored."
"THAr prisoner has very smooth
countenance, said the Judge to Sheriff
Bowe. yes" said the Sheriff "be
was ironed just before he was brought
In"
"PARTIHG is such sweet sorrow" re.
marked bald old bachelor to pretty
girl as he told her goodnight. n
should smile" she replied. glancing
upon his hairlessness, and WONDERING
how he ever did it.
ANOTHER impostor has been exposed
He claimed to be a railroad brakeman
out of work, but when he went ont ~
the room he did not slam the door hard
enough TO make the chairs dance. and
was of course arrested.
A NURSE was telling about man who
had become so terribly worn ont ~ dis
sipation that he could not keep any food
on his stomach, when one 81 her listen
ers asked: What does he 1.-Two on, thcn?"
"On his relations, ma'am," answered.
the nurse.
TIE young man who stores his mind
with old proverbs must become wise.
For instance, ne will learn that IAN
empty bag cannot stand upright" No
one EVER thought or believed it could or
ever wanted it to but it is well enough
to know such things.
THEY were conversing the other dav.
about common friend, When Butterfly
said: :" Poor fellow, he's got the mumps.
Sorry to hear it" replied Guilty
+" can't he get anything for them z"
"Weil, no" answered Butterfly. with
out blush, there's no market Tor
them now"
NOWADAYS, when you see a husband
and wife together in public, yJu may
make up your mind that tllere are
neither children nor lap-dogs III tn4
family. Ii such we're the case, the hus-
band would have to remain at home with
the children while the wife went out
with the dog.