The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-02-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

Now that Rowel has walked and
Tanner has starved, the next contest
will be between two ashionabl,
young ladies, who will test thei,
strength by seeing which can wear hel
spring hat the longest.
Mrs, Domestcity calls at the kitch.
en- furnishing store. "lIaye You Cook.
! sleWers" she asks. The dealer i,
dumbiounded until he is shown m
a, lyertisement of Cooks tours" when
he directs her to the nearest railroad
Office
lie v vas sitting in the pnrlor will.
her whe n the rooster croweI in thu
ward, anLl leaning over he said -
"Chanticls'er." 81 wish to gracious
YOU would" she said : "'m as sleepy
as | can BE-" lie took his hat anc
10 Ct, and hasn't been back since.
IA u going to ball,
Roh. mine, baby minel
Don't vo, dare to up and squalli
Baby mine baby minel
'Dad" will sta, at home witt you,
He'll spank you, ~ you do
Shank YOU till you're b '4cKand blns''
PBaby mine, baby mineI
"Papa, didn't you scold me the 9TH
err day, for biting my little brother?"
"Yes, my child. 1t was very naugh-
ty." "Then, papa, you ought to scold
mammals piano-teacher, for he bit her
on the lips the other day, and it must
have hurt her too, for she put her
arms around his neck as if she wanted
to stGngle him."
The following is printed as thcmod-
ell recommendation of servant: The
bearer has been in my house q year
minus eleven months. During that
time she has shown herself diligcnt--
at the house door; trugal-in work;
mindul--of herself; prOmpt-in ex-
cuscs; fTiendly-toward men; faith
ful-to her lovers; ami honest-when
everything has vanished.
as your programme full, Miss Bee
tlecrusher?" asked young man Of
st. Louis damsel, who had just strug-
gled out of rcileshmCnt room with
disappointment in her eye and an
"ordcr Of dances in her hand. PRO
gramme fuIl?" said the daughter of
the setting sun. "Waal, | guess not!
| hain't fad nothing but "a piece of
cake, and an ice cream, an they don't
go very far toward filling my PROF.
gramme, | can tell YOU"
doctor" said lisping fashionable
belle, who had graduated a hah q
dozen boarding schools, to = lr'enu VI
ours, who had Just beer inv'uuceu 10
her at an eyenins po.I , !L o 10y ;''
,oii l1n Wv -. Ir;SllanlAe? Thum admire
tLaIiJ;I,, Dot attn for me, ath Shakth-
'laoro tthnayth in hith Bride of Aby-
I'm, i prefer tholidity and brillian-
.ny com6ined.'" The doctor sank in
to the nearest chair exhausted.
son, pshaww pctulantly exclaimed
Miss LYDIA Languish, Looking up
from the last new novel, in response
to q summons from her mother to
come and assist in preparing dinner.
"Oh, psAaw. | am just where Edward
W. bOulttN hbuidi bCl \ - uboUl ~
propose to the Lady Ethelinda Adele
st. Claire, ana | wish dinners had
never been invented' And the look
Of supreme disgust that flushed from
her eyes Shove, that she meant it.
An intelligent farmer LIVING in Des
MONIES county, says the Burlln TON
HdWkeye, has invented Il henopnone,
by whoa one old reliable hen, occu-
plying a central Office in the hcnurry,
sits on all the nests in tae estaDlsn-
mcnt, leaving other fowls Tree to lay
eggs, scratch and cacN,e. A. fast Is u
new nest contains the lulI complement
of eggs, it is connected witch Inc CEN
trail lace by Il copper wire ami the
business is settled. Tac only trouble
with the macaua is that it sits SO hard
that it matches Out the porcelain nest
eggs along with the others, SO that one
chick in every nest is born WlIh glass
eyes, and the farmer has to Guy and
train a dog to lead it around. This
makes il expensive.