St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-11-25

any symptoms of detective efficiency.
Welles will probably get off on some
insanity plea-his friends are rich and
willing to put up handsomely for him,
and no one cares for Jay Gould any
way-and we shall probably have a
new variety of mania to be incOrpOra
ted in the legal vocabulary. KleptO-
mania has long been a fashionable
weakness among rich women, and the
invention of the word pyromania once
got off bad Boston boy, given to start
fires where he shouldn't, whose father
was rich and bulldOgmania, or some
word to that effect, will probably shed
relief on the fearful Welles.
From tears to joy is a welcome
change. In Brooklyn live two dry
goods men of wealth and much renown
One was bachelor who dressed
well but lived in one room, over his
store, and spent about fifty cents day
on his meals and washing. The other
was gay, had wife, fast horses, liked
the theatre, tripped the light fantastic
on occasion, and was great favorite
among the ladies. The elder disap-
proved of this, and showed his dis
pleasure by declining to speak to the
offender. They harmOnized in getting
money together, however, and rolled
up millions without exchanging a word
for Is years. Finally, as a convenience
they admitted a cOunter-jumper into
partnership as a sort of telephone, who
was obliged to be actually, what the
Irishman declared was impossible,
three men at once. If Mr.. j, the chief,
wanted to talk with naughty Mr.. b.,
the 2nd man, he'd call No. 3 and order
him to call b. Then the three would
get together. j would tell No. 3 what
he wanted and turn his back. No.
would assume the character of j, and
lOftily impart his instructions to b. b
would receive them respectfully, and
then addressing himself to No. in No.
3s character, he'd state what he had to
say and turn his back. No. 3 would
receive this humbly, then turn to j.,
who would wheel round to hear him !;
he would assume to be B, and in tones
of equality tempered by respect, trans
fer his message. Fancy Is years of
this rubbish. The clerks in the store
were the only people who wouldn't
shrek with laughter. They were well
used, being brought up and advanced
from very tender years. At last Cupid
silly shot a shaft at the senior and
somewhat aged curmudgeon, and after
a courtship of several years, during
which time he transferred his prospect
i've bride from the counters of a neigh
boring store to his own, there was a
quiet wedding, which changed things
like the wand of Harlequin. The part
ners spoke, and the air around that
store is now balmy as that of perpet-
ual spring.
You've heard of Tom Collins, pre-
sumeG Well, it appears n first cousin
of his, Tom Cod, is supposed to be
around, but danger attends too persist
ent or familiar inquiries after him. A
man in state of whiskerOus excite
ment was sent to blacksmith's smithy
the other day to ask for Tom Cod and
was promptly killed. The blacksmith
was described as quiet man.
Times are good, very good, except,
as rule, for people on fixed incomes,
whom the grOcers, butchers, etc, have
been skinning alive. The Herald has
gone for them, and carefully tabulates
wholesale and retail prices every day
to their great discontinue. For some
two or three days the streets have been
almost impossible with women with
baskets going to shop at the markets,
and the tradesmen are in despair. 1t
is tough to have to pay 30 per cent.
more than a thing is worth, because
sugar, say, rose a cent a pound six
months ago. The retailers carefully
make the most of the rises in price, but
their mouths are sealed as to declines,
and people are desperately ignorant
any way. Two big drug houses have
gone up, and though it's smooth sail
ing now, it's prudent to keep ones
weather eye open for squalls. There's
good deal of rOttenness still in Den
mark, and some people have been get
ting rich quite too awfully fast of late.
Washington's Headquarters on the
Battery are to be pulled down. Cyrus
Field, the Andre statue raiser, has
bought it, and the whole block in fact,
y
ace, with dome and electric light on
top and ever SO many elevators to ac-
commodate | 900 or so tenants of the
well-furnished offices. 1t is the most
beautiful site in New York, married
certainly by the grimy cobwebs of the
Elevated Railroad, but commanding a
charming view of the Bay, Narrows,
Staten Island and the Jersey High
lands, alive with the commerce that
| throngs to Great Gotham.
People have been grumbling at Patti
because she charges $40 a seat at her
| concerts. She gave one the other eve
ming for the benefit of the Michigan
sufferers, and then forewent-that is
| to say fOregoed-at least she omitted
another concert on the last day of the
week, because an opera company was
to give them another benefit, and she
didn't want to draw away any of the
possible patrons of the entertainment.
| fancy her contribution may thus safe
| ly be figured down at no less than
$4,000. If we all did our little posi-
BILE with just one days pay or average
profits, what fund there'd be! There'd
be enough to set up every Michigander
well next spring, after keeping them all
winter, and plenty left over to be slung
in lump to help the next troubled
community. Why shouldn't there be
grand permanent fund of the kind
A dollar in the nick of time is often
worth more than ten delayed. 1t would
be grand example of goodwill and
patriotism for the world if next time
Chicago is burned, we have it built up
again in couple of weeks or so.
RADIX.