Litchfield enquirer., 1881-09-29
CLIPPINGS. IF

'Be Of Goodyear; 1t is l." said the rubber boot.
 Hod Fellows are not Masons, though they may tend that way, r.- ,sz
 We are going to Arkansas to start paper, calling it "Quinine and Whiskey." Every bo dy will take it.
 A beer saloon keeper in Boston has the very appropriate name of Philip A. Calm. They all do 1t.
 In theprinted instructions for playing lawn tennis we observe the injunction, First have a good racket" And will somebody teach us to play lawn tennis?
 A Connecticut woman has given her son large comforter made of hair cut from her own head during ten years. This is very much better than allowing the hair to get wasted and lost in-the hash every morning. ~
 A house painter recently wanted to join the fire department, but as it took him over ff- teen. minutes to climb ladder. and then he had to go down again for something he had forgot, they didn't employ him
 Brakeman-''TEe train is now about to en- ter the state of Missouri. Gentlemen who have not provided themselves with carbines will pass forward to the locomotive and crawl I -pto p the elteeDdsr.%1 teDdsr. 1!In2or 4AF 1 1A.snalI boy was asked to name some part of his own body. He thought for moment and then replied ''Bowels, which are five ID number-a, e, i, o, u, and sometimes and y" .--.-..
 Itis said that kerosene will remove stains from furniture. It has also been known to remove the furniture, stains and all, with the stove and g ed-headed servant girl thrown in.
 The correspondent who wrote from Sarato- "a that Miss A. had the daintest feet of any belle here" had to leave town suddenly when the paper arrived with the superlative adjective charged to 'dirtiest."
 General Leei said to have asked strag- gler whom be found eating green persimmons if he did not know they were unfit for food ''Tm not eating them for food, gensral," re- piled the man "I'm eating them to draw up my stomach to fit my rations"
 Aclerk in q city house recently asked for half-day's absence because he wanted to at- tend funeral in the country. When he re- turned the next morning with red hands and a freckled face, his employer asked quietly, ''Where are the fish ?''
 .Snatched baldheaded: :, Elf 1 was as bald as you, said Gus De Smith to one of the most prominent citizens of Austin, Il would wear a wig. ''I don't see why you should ever wear wig was the quiet response; ''an empty barn don't need any roof"
 This is the way Vassar girl tells a joke |: 70, girls! l heard just the best thing to-day. It was too funny. l can't remember how it came about, but one of the girls said to Pro, lessor. Mtchell-oh, dear, I can't remember just what she said but Professor MitchelPs answer was just too funny for any thing forget just exactly what he said, but it was just too good for anything!"
 It is wen enough to preach, but you want to preach in the right time. It's not only the good word, it's the 'word spoken in due sea son how ggoed isitr'I What shall it profit you to praise MT. Bergh, or talk about the gentle affections of the lower order of animals to man who has just been kicked clear over a six rail fence, with pail of milk in his lap, by brindle COW with one horn and an eye like fireball
 ''Saltokek Skupschirofsky. said the czar to the captain of the guard, ''have the guards been doubled at the palace gate ?" ''They have, my liege," responded s. S., land the Flan wlth thes s@lescup sweeps the horizon gso thasn5H evena solitary horsepan can ap- ptoaeha thy imperial dwelling" SseAnds the lightenlg rod man 7" '.He sleeps beneath the Neva. so please your Maiesty.p ''The man for subscriptions to the Iife efSergeant Bates!" ''He speedeth to Siberia on special train" |" And the ladder and tree protector men ?" "Askefshes Fipers in the palace dnpgeons. !" "TAednan who C 1ntinues at this late day to say, What never?"' ''Thy imperial heads man wears his watch. chain," 's.'Tis well. 4Eelegfaptrto Eufopetthat anotbe: conspiracy has been batfled, keep the gumdrop and corn bali boys, who spread sediti,n on the railruad trains. under thy vigilant eye, and may St. Isaac of Kownow bless tbee." And the czar, putting on his cast iron night.shirt, retired to his princely couch.