Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1881-11-03
PUyGEST PARAGRAPHS.

professional beauty, though two
words, is really only one silly belle
Closed in consequence of 3 debt in
the family" is an excellent epitaph for
q busted firm.
A yonng lady with a big volume of
household recipes is anxious to know
the ingredients for making sacrifice.
Learning il we'll enough but il
hardly pays to give a FIVE thousand
dollar education to fye-dollar boy.
When the schoolmsster threatened
to tan Johnny, the urchin reminded
him that "a soft tan, sir, turneth away
wrath"
Alandlady vas conpla.ning that she
couldn't make both ends meet. We'll"
said a boarder, "Why not make one
end vegetables =
The young woman who used to sing
20 divinely, "Oh, had / the wings Of a
dove" is satisfied with a chicken leg
now. She Is married.
The most thorough bypocriie in
existence is the young man who can
successfully assume to love the younger
brother Of bis sweetheart.
he have just read handkerchief fir
ta.ioa code, and advise all men wishing
10 avoid e breach of promise suit 10
wipe their mouths with their coat-tails.
There is Joy in the heart Of the man
who carries an umbrella every day In
the year, waiting a favorable opportunity
10 pity tho rest Of the uncovered world.
Young husbands very seldom allude
to their first baby as birdie" That
may do for the mother during coulting
time, but who ever heard Of a squalling
birdie?
II you want to know just how ron
stand in the community ask your wors.
enemy and your best friend, and then
strike q fair average Most people
make the mistake Of asking only their
best friends aud taking that Is the fair
average.
A health journal fays that ''an attack
Of hicconghs may be STOPPED by hold
ing The head under water" II doesn't
say haw long the head shoald be held
under water, but We should think about
two hours would be plenty long enough
TO stop The worst case Of hicoough ever
invented.
A spread-cagle orator. as political
meeting the other night. said eff he
had the wings 0, bird he would hy 10
every village and hamlet in the broad
land, and carry the glad tidings OF vic.
tory which be was 80 sure Of A
naughty boy in the crowd sang out:
You'd be shot for goose before you
had fed mile"
1--WE been to see Mrs. Tittiesaltle."
says Mrs. Telltale, and the way che
ran on about you was perfectly scandal.
ous." $50 she's been talking about
me, has shey' asked Mrs. Brown,
quietly. "Yes, indeed she has, /" replied
AIRS. Telltale, with emphasis. What
nice time You two must lave had"
said Mrs. Brown, with sweet smile.
Everybody remembers the famous
Irish echo which, when the guide
called out, How do ye do Z" answered,
"Purty well, 1 thank you." But this is
quite outdone by an echo in the Pyre-
nees. Observe" says the guide, show
tho sound is repeated from rock 10 rock
and from crag to crag, and especially
how beyond the frontier the echo has a
perfectly distinguishable Spanish ac-
cent"
at may be months, darling, before
we meet again, he said, squeeziDg her
hand as il that grip were his last;
" mountains and valleys will divide as,
forests and plairies, perhaps the iiver Of
death Itself. Can I do anything mere
than have done to make you cherish
my memory. and keep your love for ms
unchangedT "oh, yes" she ex-
claimed, choking down The sobs, "buy
me box of tortoise-shell hairpins be-
fore vou assaxs.s