Connecticut western news., 1881-12-21
WIT AND WISDOM.

IT WAS wise man who said: ''The best armor is to keep out of gunshot."r,
 THE value of 8 good name is best shown when note is presented to 8 bank for discount.-H Hiram Green. '.. --
 "Go1Na to Lady Such-a-one'sP" 7" "Ya-as 1" "So glad !" 'So glad you're glad p "So glad you're glad I'm glsdr' Punch.
 READ the weather predictions care fully every morning and always take your umbrella out with you. Somebody may want to borrow it. ai aa@ .">s'g tiai 70
 TEA two-wheeled vehicle is a bicycle, and three-wheeled 8 tricycle., 1t does not follow that the one-wheeled IS an icicle. It is wheelbarrow., "
 THE Parisians have eaten 250 jack asses this year. If Parisenne says you look good enough to eat you know the value of the compliment. .-Bost0's Transcript. -. e.. -..tf.,, .......r. .ss,l,-
 Major Ben Perley: Poore {: is: 4 writing a life of: General Burn side and has gone to colon Sem ator Anthony for : material Bur lt,agton Ha,Okeye. ....-.-..-
 "AsK no woman her ago." says a re- cent writer on social ethics. Of course not. Ask her next best lady friend. e She will never fail to give the inform ation.--NesO Haven Register. a'. A
 "S1r down, said handsomely dressed and vivacious young lady at fashion able watering place-s'sit down ]. its about the only thing you can do here without paying for it" , -a..--.. -a.a
 A NOTED firt of Akron, O., is said to have all her love letters bound m vol- ume for her parlor table. It is Him. book, in both long and short meet her. -Worristo,On Herald. s f.-.r T.
 GRAAfMARIANs are puzzled over the question whether '.mumps and "measeIs are singular or plural. They often look singular, but that is no cri- terion on a question of this kind LoaOeU Citizen.
 NOTWITHSTANDING the sneers of the New Workers at slow-mouing, provincial Boston, we notice that the Hub mana ges Go keep twelve minutes ahead of the metropolis time all year round. d.-Boston Transcript. z- ..arF rsg a.
 M1RABEAU's secretary told him one day that it was impossible to do cer- tain thing winch the great man had or- dered done, Impossible l" said, Mira beau, with great vehemence; "never again use that foolish word in my pres- ence" ,- .,...
 IT IS always so with the world in the long run, though it is very hard to make men believe it. "My young friend" said Lanjunais, "we always receive an unknown person according to his dress, but we take leave of him according to his merit" s'..-. a.s r.. | IT IS a great mystery to bachelors
 why married men seem to be so afraid of their wives, and bear themselves with such an air of subiugation. The only answer to the conundrum is that given by the Quaker: "Friend, when thee is married thee will know" . ..,
 SAID young Symonds: cold Ragbag has forbidden me his house and ordered me not to speak to his daughter, but if he thinks, by that racket, he can rouse my obstinacy and get me to make love to the girl and marry her, he's mis- taken. ."-BoStoa Post.
 EVERYTHING bears hard upon the poor. The rich man who puts nothing in the contribution box Sunday morn ing is at once supposed to have left his pocket-book in his other trousers but the poor man who has but one suit of clothes can't get off so easily. .-Phila- delphia Eueaing Net0s. ........ ...,.,..
 MOTHER seeking situation as foot
 man for her rawboned son. Lady Does he know how to wait at tablep Mother--Yes, ma'am. Lady-Doesxhe know hls way to announcer Mother We'll, ma'am, I don't know that he knows his weight to an ounce, but he does to the pound or two. ,......-.. !. MRS. CHR1sT1ANcY refused twenty-five offers of marriage from young men be- fore she coupled onto your granpa ] Christiancy. And now you see the trouble she is in, Young ladies have 3 care. An averaging Nemesis always 5 follows people who go back on the ? boys. .-Burlington Hasokeye.
 GENERAL S1cK1Es has got into lively
 fight with the New York Gas Company, and his investigations showed that the l. meter charged for four feet for every :, one used, and the company tested the l meter and said it was an unusually slow 0 running one, and if it didn't more than Q uuadruple the amount of gas used we . should say the company was right @ Boston Post.
 THE Girl is at the Gate. A young o Man IS coming down the Lane. The Girls papa is Sitting on the Front 2 Porch. He is very Old. He hai Raised Family of Eleven Children,
 What is the Poor old Man Thinking . e about and why Does he Gaze so Intent = ly at his Right BootP Maybe he ii Thinking about Raising the Young 5 Man who is Coming down the Lane. sl O Miss LApoosH-"Gh, look, Palladia d The two great scientists of the day 1T 8. earnest and intimate communion How
 beautiful it would be to hear their con I versation !! How I envy Mrs. Lyoi u Hunters butler !" Miss Meagrim-
 "Oh yes demolishing some time-hon
 .A~w.