Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-12-12
OUR GEAT NAVEE.
The American Seeretaree On TSur 81
Inspection.
". y. Graphic.

do thew float? Which end goes first:
/ Why not have one stick instead OF
/ three sticking Out of the deck? Why
/ i not that stick upright like the r2St?:''
asked the Secretary of the Navy Of
{ the Commandment of the uavy-yard,
pointing to the bowspirit.
That Is the hOwSpirit,' said the Com
mandant. "BOwspirits never stick up.
They are meek and lowly in all their
I ways"
What are these holes fOr"" asked the
( Secretary, pointing to the open hatch
ways.
What have YOU made such deep cN-
cavationS i'm the vesscl"'
The ship is built around these
hulcs." said the COmmandant, but
: they extend no further than the wafer.
if they bid the ship would sink
Were YOU ever in storm at sea-
asked the Secretary of the Comman-
dHnt,
"Only once" replied the Comman-
daut.
1T was = tyPhoou in longitude 81 oil
the EQUATOR. We were blown clean
+. out of water twice, and spun fr miles
. through the air like a balloon. ! shall
never forget the terrible appearance of
the SEA a we looked down upon it
from the clouds. We got down safely
+ To water mt last, and tied the ship to Il
water spout.
'Deary, drGry me- said the Secre-
tarv, "hGw interesting. And you lived
through il all. Tell lis some more.
. But let me inquire first, is the capstan
OF vessel equal in rank TO the captain"'
"In ordinary tines said the Com
. mandani, "the. captain OutrankS the
capstan. But the captain always takes
} command Of the ship when the anchor
is weighed"
+. Indeed" replied the Secretary. But
where is your fourth castle? DO not
behold any castle Oh board at all.
Fourth castle! Fourth castle. What
I do YOU mean, Secretary::' asked the
. amazed COmmaudant.
WHY, in all sea tales Tvc read Of the
4 fourth CASTLE said the Secretary.
"Oh, You mean the "IpkeStie, SaId
. the COmmandant.
The what" said the mystificd Sec
/ rotary.
"Fok,stlr. Forkcstlc--place where
: the crew ike. Down there said the
/ NtlllUttlltdil.
| s'Why, it's hole, said the Secretary.
I Captain, | do not approve Of your
| keppinr YOUR men in such dark damp
! cellars. They'll catch the rheumatic. -
7 "And do the sailOrs really climb up
there" asked the Secretary, pointing
! alolt-"up those littlc rope-ladders:
! How rcrilious."
/ They do" replied the Commandment.
- must improve on that" said the
Secretary. II will save the life of
many gallant tar. Let oil the masts
/ ba ufOvided with hydraulic elevators"
! at shall be done, said the Comman-
dant.
"CaU the officer of the watch" sud-
denly demanded the Secretary: then re-
marking in IN aside, IN show him
that know something about ships"
I The officer appears.
/ "Oflicer," said the Secretary, ''show
us YOUR watches. L want To see If they
are all in good order"
NSir. the watches were all sent on
shore this morning to be cleansed," re-
piled the officer Of the watch.
"That's pretty work." groWled the
Secretary. "Why, where's tbs ships
ieweler? How do you suppose You
would have the correct time Ii you were
to keep an engagement with an enemy
I'VE should take the sun previously
replied the officer of the watch.
II do not wish YOU to take the SIM,
Numbered the Secretary. Il will moi
allow the sun to be taken on this or ANY
other United States vessel. You do not
need the sun. 1t is villainOus, viciou:
paper-bright, and edited with certain
amount ofStanic ability, | admit, bu
dqmorali2ing TO the correct discipline o
the navy. Ii YOU desire to take any
thing, take the Evening Post or the
PhiIatlelphia Le0der. Take a good
heavy paper that will serve to ballas
both the ship and your minds. Well
air, ifyou have no watches on board
show us YOUR clocks. You are officer o.
the clocks rs well rs watches; are yol
nOt"' -,
AYE, aye, sir!" said the officer ottht
watch.
"I!I. What in the makes You *
CCOtisical i'm expressing yourself! why
don't you try yes, sir, like white
man?" said the Secretary.
eyes. sir. But II am sorry to say thai
il was necessary to reef the pendulum
Of all our clocks during the last gale, anC
/ they've not been shaken ont yet
"And what's all that banging for"
said the Secretary. us il naval Ell
/ gagement?'
ave are firing the customary salute
ofninetecn guns in your houor,' SAT-
the Commandment.
"O, You are. are you. Are. there
bullets i'm any of 'em? Are they pointed
this way? i don't like ii. 1t makes mt
nervous / shall have thai practict
stopped. Commandant after this FIR,
anvils or toy pistols, aud save powder
Dear me, If Chester would only let m'
stay how cheap could run our navy
would abolish the ships altogether
We've rot hardly any now, and so fal
as those are concerned that We have
we might as well have none at all
| God n,Oruiuor CoDmanlant'