The Dillon tribune., 1881-04-30
o. Ehe Side.

A/N<>AWn1A--
Hone is ever young. Hope is Away
represented as woman.
It is possible for three people to keep tn
same secret, but after two Of them ar,
dead
Mrs. Garfield is the first mother to Sc,
her son inaugurated President Of the unitee
States.
"Downy" way Of putting it: Men ar.
geese, women are ducks, and birds Of feath
er flock together.
Miss Lillian, daughter Of the late Senator
Carpenter, is usually spoken Of as 1.-THE
most beautiful girl in Washington"
"Papa, saw young sparrow fall out 81
its nest this morning.
"Well, what Of it, my son.
"Why, | don't think the Lord could have
noted the fall, papa, because the cat got it,
fla poor merchant should marry an ex-
travagant girl, would his book -keepe, II
she should neglect to sew on his buttons,
would her dressmakerl And II she should
refuse to put on her own clothes, would
her hairdresser:
"Do you realize it, Angelicai" whisper.
ed Clarence to his betrothed; s'only two
weeks more and we will BE- one; but re-
member darling, l ann to be that one. !"
And the angelic creature silently stole to
the piano and touchingly warblcd, "Oh to
be nothing!"
After Hamlet aud the Grave Digger;
Scene at a stablc-Funny Freshman Ito
hostler, who is rubbing down his horse):
"Pat I'm afraid you're currying favor with
that horse" lIostler: "Faith, no! I'm
merely scrapin' an acquaintance" lIarv.
ard Crimson.
A soft voice in WON IN always goe>
with gentle spirit. A gentleman sitting
in friends parlor engaged in conversation
with him was startled by a noise down
stairs, and paused to ask: whats that--a
crash Of crockcry?" mo; that. only my
wife calling to me-"
A girl heard her fathc, criticised severe
" across the dinner table. The careless
critic paused moment to say: II hope he
is no relative Of yours, miss" Quick as
fought she replied with the utmost non
ehalance: "Only connection Of my
mothers by marriage
A Galveston darkey rushed into 81 DC.
tors Office and brcathlcs>ly exclaimed:
Come on, doctor, right off. Oar Is some
body in my house who is in an awful fix
laid up in bed agronin' and asronin'.'
"Who is it," 'It's n,r. You see, boss,
didn't hab anybody to send, SO came my
scf."-Galveston News.
Two loving beings that had plighted
their troth some yea,s ago, and were about
to be married, are separated forever. They
were sitting together one evening, going on
about as usual, when she observed to him
rather petulantly: "Charlcy, you don't un.
derstand anything about hugging; you
haven't got the knack Of it," "Indecd," he
replied in q disl,eartened tone, "that's very
strange, for I've been practicirg on two or
three other girls for several months"
Fogg-"I say, Jones'. that dog Of yours
gave me an awful fright. AS was
passing your house the other nigh. he
came tearing out of the yard, barking and
yelping like all possessed" Jones-"Oh
he won't hurt you Fogg: he is perfect,
harmless" Fogg-"Yes, that is what
told Mrs F. this morning lie is perfectly
harmless. He began to be harmless jus,
after he ran at me last night. had my re-
volver in my pocket. Good morning Jones
'Johnny,' said his father as the boy took
the primal biscuit from the plate, "don't
YOU know that it is impolitc to help your.
self before your elders7"
"Why, pa, mother told me to help my
self before you." "What do you mean
sir?" asked his father, while his ,nothc,
looked up with establishment depicted i.
every feature. "Why, heard mother tel
Aunt Hannah that she hoped wouldn'
take after YOU, and SO thought I'd TAKE
my biscuit first"