davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
Games, is That YOu 2"

Women are timid creatures, anG
hate to be left in house alone al
night, so, when Mr.. Gallagher went
away from home, leaving his wife
with only an ignorant servant, she
was very much worried, and readily
hardened to the voice of an agent
who called just after Gallagher had
gone around the corner, and wanted
to sell her machine which would
pre' ent burglars from getting into
the house. She bought three. Those
placed at the front and back doors
were so arranged that, when the door
was opened, a hammer would strike
down from above and knock down the
person trying to enter. A third con-
trivance of different pattern was
placed on the stairs and another at
the front window. Gallagher unex-
pectedly returned late that night,
and, attempting to enter the front
door, got a blow on the nose that
knocked him down the steps into the
street. He was both surprised and
annoyed at the circumstance, and, ut
terly unable to understand it tried
tue door again. Same result. He
then thought somebody was behind
the door trying to assassinate him,
and, getting up very mad, ran around
to the back door to get in that way.
Then he got thump that sent him
back into the swlll barrel, and he was
terribly cross when he got up. He
grabbed an AK, and, as he opened the
door again, struck with it. But he
hit nobody, and got another knock
down. Then he went and got
policeman, so that one could tackel
each door, and one be sure to get in,
but after both had enjoyed three
knock downs they met and compared
notes, and decided that two men must
be in the house. They then tried the
front window, and, raising it, deluge
of icy water from hose arranged to
bring it flew upon them. But they
braved that and got in. Then they
ransacked tho lower part Of the house,
but could find nobody, and meantime
Mrs. g., up stairs, heard them, and
nearly died of fright. They started
up stairs, Gallagher first, and near the
top, stair, fixed on pivot, rolled
under Gallagher and hurled him back
ward, and he went to the bottom,
taking the policeman with him. They
both yelled, but Gallagher yelled the
loudest and his wife recognized his
voice and his favorite oath. Her
courage returned. She went to the
head of the stairs and cried: "Jamss,
is that your" James was painfully
hurt and awful mad then, and the
policeman was trying to get back the
breath Gallagher had squashed out
of him. NO." cried James, otis
not me it's some other fellow. Jim
Gallagher was never knocked down
seventeen times in one nightp But
she knew it was be, and explained
And then Gallagher gave
the policeman SO to say nothing
about the matter, and the officer re-
tired; and then Gallagher jawed his
wife for two hours, and the next day
went seven miles to oyertake the man
who sold her the machines and kick
ed the life nearly out of him. He adj
mits that the things would be dread
fully discouraging to a burglar,
though.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
EARLY RISING.

Once upon time there lived in
Blodgerville man named Simpkins.
He lived there about twenty-five years,
and during all that time he had been
an early riser. His example had been
held up for emulation before all the
youth Of the town.
BE was pointed out with pride to
strangers as the man whose example
had given life and prosperity to the
place, and the busy hum Of labor
blessed him with its early ringing
voice.
lie man to all the country dear,
And passing rich with four hundred and eighty
three dollars and seventy-hye cents year.
And this amount, the minister said,
proved how Providence had blessed
good brother Simkins because he had
gone to the ant and considered her
ways and been wise.
But last season Simpkins died, and
on his death bed he made confes-
sion that startled the community and
made leach particular hair stand on
end" He confessed that about twenty
five years previous he had murdered
man at seventeen minutes past five
o'clock A. NJ, and the ghost of the
victim came promptly on time every
morning at just seventeen minutes
past five o'clock and sat upon his bed
and, to escape the horrible visitor, he
had commenced getting out of bed
every morning at five, and he would
be dressed and going out of one door
as the ghost came in at the other; so,
when the ghost found he could never
catch Simpkins in he gave it up, ex-
cept, occasionally, when he would
catch him over-sleeping himself.
This startling announcement upset
the philosophy of early rising in Blod-
gerville, and was hailed with delight
by the boys, who could now sleep as
long as they wanted to. Just to
think that this had been the reason
of Simpkins' early rising. The town
was shocked and revolutionized; the
minister preached against early rising
as pernicious the school teacher
taught against it as suspicious; the
lawyer talked against its sinister mo-
tives; and at last committee was ap-
pointed of the best citizens of Blod-
gerville to investigate early rising.
Every man was placed under es-
pionage who got up before seven
o'clock in the morning.
The case of Jones was investigated
and marked off the list. He owned
fiddle. A man that owns q fiddle can
get up any time Of night and play.
Kind reader, you 60 at once and buy
fiddle and relieve yourself of suspicion.
Get up every half hour and play like
blazes, and everybody will know where
you are ; so, If any one is murdered
you can prove an alibi.
The early rising Of Perkins was
next Investigated and satisfactorily
explained-flees. The committe said
anybody who had 'sm might get up
early. Said Perkins to bis wife one
morning:
"Jerusa, my finger nails are all worn
of. l swow I'll have TO kill that yal-
Ter dog. I'll git some pizen when
60 TO Smiths" Said she TO Perkins:
Jonathan, don't you do IL. Don't
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
Sbrewdncss and Ability.

Hop Bitters, so freely advertised in
all the papers, secular and religious,
are having a large sale, and are sup
planting all other medicines. There
is no denying the virtues of the hop
plant, and the proprietors of these
Bitters have shown great shrewdness
and ability 10 compromising a Bitters
whose virtues are so palpable to ev-
eryone's observation. -Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09

The damp weather and chilling winds Of the ap-
preaching season subjects all 20 exposure. no matter
how healthy, we are none the less susceptible TO an
attack Of Coughs, Colds, Bronchitis, Psursy, Spit
ting OF Blood, catsrrh Of tho head, whiah II not
promptly attended 70 ends in Consumption
Towns Bronchial Syrup is positive cure With but
the nominal cost Of 70 cents you procure this truly
sovereign remedy.
Bronchial Syrup is guaranteed by all drussiss and
dealers IN medicine 10 give entire satisfaction Try It
and be convinced Of It's real merit.
Marcssus Liver and Anti-Billious Compound cures
All Liver and Bilious discusses, purifss the blood,
eouslir-s tho circulation and restores TO perfect
health the snfsebled system.
rARRAND, WILLIAMS a. Co.,
Agents. Detroit
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

A pretty deer is dear 10 me,
A hare with downy hair;
L love hart with all my heart,
But barely bear bear,
'ris plain that no one takes plane
To have pair Of pears;
rake, though, often takes rake
To tear away the tares
All rays raise thyme time RACES all,
And, through the whole, hole wears.
writ in writing fright" may write
1t wright" and still be wrong
For "rite" and write" are neither right"
And don't to write belong,
Beer often brings bier to man,
Coughing coffin brings
And too much ale will make us all,
As well as other things.
The person lies who says he lies
When he is but reclining;
And when oonsumptiye folks decline,
They all decline declining
A quail don't quail before storm
A bough will bow before 1t;
We can not reign the rain at all
No earthly powers reign oVeri It.
The dyer dyes a while and dies
To dye he's always trying,
Until upon his dying bed
He thinks no more Of dyeing.
A son of Mars mars many q sun;
All deys must have their days.
And every knight should pray each night
To Him who weighs his ways.
It's meet that man should mete out meat.
To feed misfortune's son;
The far should fare on love alone
Else one can not be won.
A lass, alas is something false;
OF faults maid is made;
Her waist is but a barern waste
Though stayed she is not staid
The springs spring forth in spring, and shoot.
Shoot forward one and oil;
Though summer kills the flowers, il leaves
The leaves 10 fall in fall.
would u story here commence,
But you might find it stale;
SO let's suppose that you have reached
The tail end OF our tale.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
What They Knew Four Thousand Years
Ago.

From one of these books, compiled
after the manner of our modern en-
cyclopadias, and the compilation OF
which is shown to have been made
more than 1000 years before Christ,
1t has been ascertained, what has long
been supposed, that Chaldea was the
parent land of astronomy; for it
found, from this compilation and from
other bricks, that the Babylonians cat
alogued the stars, and distinguished
and named the consultations that
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09

Cuticura Remedies are prepared by Weeks Y Potter
Chemists and Druggists, $50 Washington street, Bos
ton and are for sale by all druggists. Price OF Cut
cura, Medicinal Jelly small boxes, 20 cen,s large
boxes 81. Cuticura Resolyent the new Blood Pun
fer, FL per bottle. Cutcurs Medicinal Toilet Soap,
Is cents. Cuticura Medicinal Shaving Soap lJ cents
in bars for BARRIERS and large consumers, so cent.
All mailed free on receipt OF price.
Send for Illustrated Treatise on the skin
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
Eczema Rodent.

4. IL. Drake Esq, agent for Harper and Brothers,
Detroit Mich, gives astonishing account Eczema
Rodent, which had been treated by consultation OF
physicians without benefit and which speedily yield
ed 10 the Cuticura Remedies,
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
Rely orr the Druggist.

"Malt Bitters are the best 'bitters."
"They promote sleep and allay
nervousness"
"Best liver and kidney medicine
we SELL"
"They knock the 'chills' every
time"
"Consumptive people gain flesh on
them"
"Malt Bitters have no rivals in this
town"
"Best thing for nursing mothers We
have"
"We like to recommend Malt Bit
ters." 500
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
EigVyOrIsp.

Geo. w Brown, IS Marshall street Providence, Il.
l., cured by Cuticura Remedies of Rngworm liuui-
or got at the BARRIERS which spread all his
neck and face and for six years resisted all hnda OF
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
Salt IRlaculbl.

Will Mcdonald. 2542 Dearborn street, Chicago,
gratefully acknowledges cure OF Salt Rhcum ON
head neck, face arms and legs, for seventeen years
not able TO walk except hands and knees Tor ono
year not able TO help himself for eight years tried
hundreds OF remedies doctors pronounced Dol. case
hopeless permanently cured by the Cuticura Ecilc-
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
(lticura
Itching HumOrS, Scaiy EurnOrs,
Blood HumOTs speedily, peg
manently and economically
cured when physicians and ali
other methods fail,

Cutitura Resolvent the new blood p1ulcr inter
nally Cuticurn, medical Jelly, assisted 10y tho CUT
Medicinal and Toilet Soap, externally hay. per
formed the most miraculous cures OF itching 'rcu'
and scrofulous humors ever recorded IN medical uu
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09

/ once knew man who was adj
vanced to such pitch Of self-esteem
that he never mentioned himself with
out taking off his hat.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
Skin Disease.

y. A. Steele, Esq, Chicago, ILL.,, says 81 viii say
that before used Cutcura Remedies was iu q llul-
full state, and had given up all hope OF having
any relief. They have performed wonderful cure
for me, and of my own tree will and accord recoa
mend them"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-09
SANFORD'S
RADICAL CUR y.
For CatarPh.
3Clear Head and Voice, Easy Breath,
Ing, sweet breath, perfect smell,
taste aud hearing, mo- cough, no
choking, NO distress.

Sanford's Radical Cure, Catarrhal Soiyen,
and Improved Inhaler, with specific directions.
/ may now be had of all druggists, neatly wrap
4 ped in one package, for one dollar. ASK fOr
ASandford's Radical Cure.
This economical and never-failing treatment
instantly cleanses the nasal passages OF purd
mucous, subdues inflammation when extcudins
to the eye, ear and throat, restores the senses Of
smell, taste and hearing when affected leaves
the head deoderized, clear and open, the breath
sweet, the breathing easy and every sense m
grateful and soothed condition. Internally ad-
ministered II cleanses the entire mucous system
through the blood, which it purifeS Of the acid
poison always present in oatarrh
Recommended by all druggists.
General Agents, WEEKS & POTTER, Bos.ou.
Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1881-01-26
GUARDIAN.
R0Th

She was the LATEST little woman
That ever st mortal crazy;
Twas marvellous how my Maynard spirit
Could q suhdu.-d by one NJ lazy.
To monos tHfsbl-s addicted,
To Use all el-s sxceeding loath,
Asked which of two filings she preferred,
She only murInused "Both"
IL i. o paradox 10 SAY 40.
Her rvVry movement was repose;
As on 4 kRinmsr's day the ocean
Sluml,crs, The while Il rbh- aud flows;
Yet wsS fAere latent FIRE; her nature
That ~ the panther. not the sloth.
Red Der one day which IN. reese mbled
only murmurcd. Both"
I,&6yrsqa-well, 'twss simply perfect;
WAtrhSig the grsces Of her mind;
To perfect face and form she added
keen perception, taste r-hnrd.
But when rhali-0ved her to tell me,
What knew not my~-lf in troih,
Whrih"r her wit ar beauty charmed me,
She only mnrmur.d, Both"
Provoked ~ lat At never hitting,
This lazy littlr woman'- point.
| scanned her iruur. and discovered
Happily therein one open joint.
IN rarrlr>, tome asked her, knowing
Her word was binding a. an oath,
"Shlll low or friendship he between u,f'
She smiled, aud murmrrri Both
Applet"n's Journal.
Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1881-01-26
Something About Babies.

According TO a Yorkshire notion,
q new born infant should be laid
| first IN he arms of a maiden before
anyone touches il; aud in some
places the infants right hand 10 left
unwasbpd in order that be may
gather riches. II ia, too, cOnsid.
cred very important by many that
an infant should 20 up in the
world before it goes down. Thus,
in ClravrlaRd, SAYS Mr.. Henderson,
if q child should I've born in the top
3, ory Of Il house, tor want of a flight
Of stairs one of the gossips will take
it in her arms and mount table.
chair, or chest of drawers before she
carries it down stairs.
In the north of England. when an
infant for the first time goes out Of
the house. it is presented with An
egg, some salt and n little Loaf of
bread, and occasionally "a small piece
Of money these gifts being suppos.
ed to insure that the child shall
never stand in need of the common
necessaries of life. In the East
Riding of Yorkshire a few matches
are added 10 light the child TO heav.
en-.
II was, 100, in former times, Gus.
tomary. and the practice is not Yet
Obsolete. to provide II large cheese
and cake. aud cut them AT the birth
of the child. These were called "the
grooming FAKE and CHEESE" and
were distributed among all the
Dcighbors.
In Yorkshire this cake is termed
the "prpprr cake" and in some lWall
ties the "sirkening cake" II is the
source of Il species of ,livinaiion. for
being cut into small pieces 10y the
medical man. il is divided among
the unmarried of the female sex,
under the name of "dreaming
bread" Each one takes q piece,
places il in the foot Ofihe left stock.
ing. and throws it Over-the LETT
shoulder. This being done, they
must retire To bed backward. with.
ont uttcring u word. and those who
are lucky enough to tall asleep before
midnight are favored with q sight
of their future husband in their
dreams.
Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1881-01-26
Lime Kiln Philosophy.

Down on de Central Market de
oddrr day" began the old man. Il
hrarn Il man lougiu' for Il chance IA
become n hero. He wanted To per.
form some brave act. He wanted
To have hissclf printed our rs "a big
gun, and he sorrowcd brkase dc
day of hrruics had passed. moved
aroun' him an looked him obcr. He
had on "A shirt two weeks ole His
hair WIS long and greasy. His face
an his chillrn war barin,cd an his
wife oblrrged 10 take in waslin.
H.. war signing "a hr Il hero. an de
chance war night hrin him. Few of
us kin hr on de spot in time To save
tells from fire and kolishun. We
cant dlSki\cr plots ~ blow up opera
houses. De water am So cold da'
We hate 10 lamp into d" rlhbrr an
save tie lives Ot u SkulchOlSc full oi
chilcn. Bnt since | saw dat would
be- hero lie been wondcriu' il lie
man who works steadily, takes good
kcrr oi his family, pays his.debrs.
tells DE- trnt. keeps on de hes side
ot d- golden rule. an carries II clean
mont aroun' wild him. am about as
big Il hero as the nineteenth centu
~ kin bring forth. It's my opinion
dat he am. an lie gwlnr to insist
on grrrtin' sirh men as are entitled
Ia admiration an respect. Detroit
Free Press.
Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1881-01-26
HOMER MALE COLLEGE.

THE TWENrY-FIRST SESSION will be-
L gin the First OF September.
The Fall Term ends the I'D of Drccn' Der.
The Spring Term will begin the I'll Of Jan
nary. AMI end the I'D of June, Isl.
Tuition. 3. I and ) dollars per month,
PAYABLE al the end at each month, uLless
other arrangements are made.
4 liberal deduction for tuition paid III
ddrdHoe per term.
Contingent fee q per term paid on the pu-
pill, entrance.
Board, inclnding lights aud fuel, sl3 per
month III private families.
Board AZ the COLLEGE, including washing.
fuel and tuition. from II to Ii dollars per
month. payable monthly IN adrdnce-lU per
cent. allowed for payments IN advance per
term. Address -
X. A. SMITH, Pres.
July -. lao. i-:y
Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1881-01-26
{
(ToL\\R
N@ g MA
! HfWS ga
SURE CURE FOR
Coughs. Colds. Consumption,
And all Diseases Of Throat and Lungs

Scientifically prepared Of Bal>am Tolu.
try>tallizcd Rock Candy. Old Ryr Whisky.
and other tones. The Formula /. known
{" our best physicians. j. highly commrnd-
eel hy them, and the analysis Of one Of our
most prominent chemists Prof g.. 4 MAR
lNER, Of Chicago is on the label Of every
bottle. Ii Is we'll known To the medical
profession that toll ROCK and RYE will
afford the greatest relief for Congh-. Colds.
Influenza. Bronchitis. Sore Throat. Weak
Lungs. also Consumption, IN the inciplent
and advanced stages.
Used IA BEVERAGE and APPErIZ.
Err. making "A delightful tonic for family
use. Inu will hud II pleasant TO take. of
great service: # weak or drbiltatrd. gives
strength. tone and activity To the whole
human frame.
Pint mp in Quart sized Bottle. for Fami.
" Use.
Sold by Druggists and Dealers every.
where.
Sold IN New Orleans hv Ball. Lyons &
Co. and Flash. Preston & Co.
+. HOLLANDER. Wholesale Depot.
LAWRENCE Il MARTIN.
sole Agents for the United States and Can
adns, III Madison street. Chicago.
March 10, l--0. Boy
Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1881-01-26

Ridge blowing OF s,iff cla,s Is of
ten al great benefit. II il done hN
turning the furpws two and two
together, SO aS To leave the land
uniformly RUGGED. The ridges must
rnu up aud dnWu the Slopes. other
wise. IN heavy rains. water viii he.
he 1t lay the ridges until it hr.a!, :
through somewhere. when there viii
h danger al Il "Wa>h out This
: stem oi winter ta,loNing involve
pl"wing again IN the spring, but
shows it's good effects in the crop.
Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1881-01-26

The following oil is recommended
as an excellent compound prrprra
ton for restoring and strengrhing
the hair: Take of purified beef
marrow, say four onnceG purified
Lard, two ounces; concrete oil Of
mace, four onnees; oil of aloes. la
vendrr, mint. rosemary sage and
thyme. each two drachms; camphor,
one Arachm; alcohol, one onnc,:
place the alcohol in a glass mat
trese, and with the heat of warm
water hath dissolve therein the bal
sam of tOlinu; add the camphor and
essential oil. On the other hand.
melt together the marrow. lard. oil
Of mace. and il congeals, add The
alcohol solution made. and stir the
whole until il il entirely cooled.
Lobricate the head with oil once or
twice every twenty four hourA
Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1881-01-26
Missionary Baptist.

Rev. j. W. MELTON breaches ~ Goa
Springs. I'd sabbath IN each m"it'l and
saturday hcfor,-At Sharon. near iLsbon
4th sabbath of each month and Saturday
before.
REV. - MCGEE, breaches si Homer
on the 81 Sabbath aud Saturday before Of
each month.
REV. A. HARRIS breaches At Antioch
LIST Sabbath Of each month anG Sslhf'"N
before-At Colqnitt ~ S.lhati-A' l"'
Spring, Ri Sabbath e ra,i r."uiL ="
saturday hrfnrr-Ai NJ ~ nd>ill. ~
Ssbbatb and SATURDAY, trir
REV. II. Z. ARDS pr-arhr- al AIhcns'
J., Sabbath in each month ana suiuios!
before.
Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1881-01-26
How to be Nobody.

It is rasy To bp nobmly, and we
will tell ,ou how tn do il. Go 10 the
drinking saloon Ia spend YOUR leis
urc time. You need not drink much
now. just a little beer or some oiher
drink. lit the meantime, play dnm,.
noes. or something else 10 Kill time,
81 that Nuu will he sure not Ia read
amy useful books. Ii Nou read any.
thing let 1t be the cheap novels OF
the day. Thus go on keeping >ouI
stomach tull and N"ur head empty
and Yourself plat ing time kiling
games, aud IN II few Years you will
he nobody, unless N"n should turn
out u drunkaId or "a professional
gambler, either of which is worse
than nnhndN. There arr ANY mum
Der ot Young men hanging ahont
bar parlnrs Just ready To graduate
aud br nubodlts.
Claiborne guardian. [volume] (Homer, La.) 1877-188?, 1881-01-26
Louisiana State Lottery Company,

Tins Institution was regularly in rrro
rated by the Legislature OF the sta.c for
Educational and Charitable purpose ~
YEARS. to which contract the inviolablc
faith of the State is pledged. which pledge
has been renewed 10y an overwhelming
popular vote. securing it. franchise in the
new constitution adopted December -, A.
d LA, With Capital OF sl,oc0 con, to
which it has since. added a reserve fund of
sIo,""". Its Grand Single Number Dis.
tribution will tai" place Monthly, on the
second Tuesday. II Hcrcr .c1lc. or po.'pore.
L"oh at the following di-trihuiion: