Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-04-09
A LITTLE NONSENSE.

IL took Havard stuueu1 only
two years to conquer Latin, but he
was four years learning now to
throw the lasso so as to enable him
TO earn thirty dollars per month
on a Texas rancho.
"Now I understand,' remarked
Gutenberg = it'll sight, after vain
ly trying to get view of the
stage over the bonnet ia front
him, "now | understand what
they mean by the height of FASH
ion."
At an undegtakers conference
In New York, recently, one under
taker complained that the sections
were getting "all the cream of out
business What, for Heavens
sake, is "the cream of the under
takers business ?"
ais 1t law you're talking about?
Look, now, when was . sogger
shot twenty men for the Queen,
and she gave pinshun, but i'll
was only to shoot one stray fellow
for myself bedad, I'D be tried for
muruer, There's law for yez.'
Wonder IL these fellows who are
preaching the end of the world
this year won't be sorely disap.
pointed when they discover that
IL won't take place. It's always q
great disappointment to a man to
get everything ready for q journey
and then can't oct Oft
"What," asked a Sunday .hool
teacher, lis that invisible power
that prevents the wicked man
from sleeping and causes him to
toss about on his pillow, and what
should he do to enjoy that peace
which passeth understanding Pr
use bed bug poison, was the
prompt answer from the bad boy
at the foot Of the class.
In the room of a railroad depot
in Iowa is the following placard
over the clock behind the counter;
This Is a clock kit Is running--it
is Chicago time-it Is right--it Is
set every day at 10 O'clock
keep your ID mouth shut
Professor-"Can you multiply
together concrete numbers p The
class are uncertain. Professor
What will be product OF five
apples multiplied be six potatoes?'
Pupil (triumphantIy) HASH
us that mule tame?" asked
farmer of an American dealer In
domestic quadrupeds. Hes tame
enough in 'front.'" answered the
dealer.
We see an article la the papers
about boy inventors. We hope
they will invent boy who won't
whistle on his fingers and yell on
the streets at night.
"See here, George" said fond
mamma to her little son, as they
walked on the beach, "what a lot
of nice little round stones.' Yes
grumb'ed George, as he Cast
searching glance around, "and not
a blessed thing to throw 'em at"
"How far is it to Club creek %
asked traveller of Dutch wo-
man. "Only shoost leetle ways"
Is il four, six eight or ten miles?'
impatiently asked the stranger.
"Yas, | dink it is" serenely repli-
ed the unmoved gate-keeper.
Beatrice" sends in poem, In
which she propounds the conun-
drum, "Can the heart that once
loved forget ?v Were Beatrice
better posted on anatomy, physi-
Ology and the sciences generally,
she would be aware that the seat
of the memory Is In the brain, and
that love Is an ELECTION of the
stomach and she wouldn't ask
such absurd questions.
A Japanese audience, when
they wish to express disapproval
of a bad play, do not hiss or boot,
or make any hideous or inconven-
lent noise, they merely rise and
turn their backs to the stage, upon
which the curtain Immediately
descends. In this country the
male portion of the audience turn
their backs to the stage immedi-
ately after the curtain descends,
not that they like the play less,
but that they love Glove more.
Nsither of them was over 10
yeare old. Cne leaned his back
against the fence, and the other
rubbed his back against q lamp
post, and they eyed each other for
q long time. Then one of them
said:
"My mother has got a new scol-
shin sacque.r and yours haint.
"I don't keer," said the other,
"she frizzes her hair aud paints,