The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-01-06
WIT AND HUMOR.

The bell of the kitchen-The dinner
bell.
Parlor matches IS Courting in the
drawing-room.
Ought woman to kiss a tobacco.
chewer? Yes, if she chews.
A Utah wedding paragraph says 1.-The
bride was logged out in white gauze."
Darling. this potato is only half
done" ''Then eat the done half,
love. .'-PucG
Little Carrie G. said she liked sea-
bathing, ''only her mouth leaked and
let in tie salt water.''
In the first transports of delight the
happy father rushed into the room, ex-
claiming, 1--WE got son; it's boy.'
Mistress Bridget, didn't you hear
me call?" Bridget-''Yis, mum; but
We towld me the other day niver to an
.swer ye back-and didn't
A young lady was asked recently
which she preferred of two brothers.
She responded: s'When 1 am with Ell
ther of them, prefer the other.''
''Isn't that your friend, Nine. S., who
is dancing thereP' EYES" "That's a
friehtfully ill-madc dress she has on"
Yes, but if it wasn't il wouldn't fit
her."
'.If you will consent to my marriage
with your daughter she will be treated
as an angel, THAT is" was the mat
ter-of-fact reply, ''in a short time she
would not have anything to wear"
Magistrate-"You are charged with
having emptied basin of water over
the plaintiff Irishwoman = ''Sure,
yer honor, We must forgive me; in the
dark took the gentleman for my hus-
band"
To calculate the entire cost of trip
to the top of Mount Washington you
have only to summit up, remarks wit
ty individual. We presume, however,
it would answer the same purpose to
foot it up.
A repeater tried to vote foY a dead
man in San Francisco, and little Irish
man objected. 'On what ground?"
said the Judge because, begorra,"
said Pat, 1.-The man died in the Fourth
ward, and we are after voting him in
the Third
1t is said that the scorpion wien sur
rounded by circuit of fire, turns and
stings itself to death. Probably it feels
something like the young man after he
is Tilted, and whose only ambition is to
get out under the silent stars and kick
himself over a fence"
An exchange has an article on the
.'Curiosities of Courtship." One of
the curiosities of courtship, which the
author forgot to mention, is when the
girls father shakes you by the hand and
says he is glad to see you. 1t is curious
because it rarely happens.
The worst cut up man of the hour,
according to the Cleveland Totce, is
that Western reporter who, in describ-
ing the appearance of the belle of the
town at local party, intended to say
that she looked az fat, but, of course,
the types had to get it ''all feetr'
a man noted for the non-payment of
his bills, remarking that he ..sprang
from Mother Earth" a bystander said
If that so, you are a disgrace to your
maternal ancestor" How so?'' in
quired the impecunious man. BE
cause she always settles in the spring,
and you never SETTLE" was the reply.
81 wish was STAR" he said, smil-
ing. Il would rather you were COM
et," she said dreamily. His heart beat
tumultuously. '.And why?'' he asked
tenderly. .Oh," she said, with brood
ing earnestness that fell upon his soul
like bare foot upon.a cold oilcloth,
because then you would come round
only once every 1,500 years
At a school some time since bov
was reciting poem referring to some
ancient mariner who insists upon living
by the seaside because he cannot dwell
heyOnd old oceans roar. hIt IInfOrtrn-
ately, ''grim palsy holds him to his
bed" ''What is grim palsy?" cried
the schoolmaster, interrupting the boy.
Grim palsy, sir? please, sir, it's his
wife, sir" answered the boy.