Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1881-03-10
ALL SORTS.

collision.
Hang the thermometer. What else is it
good for?
| A stingy man is even chary when he offers
visitor a seat.
Money covers greater multitude of sins
than charity does.
No matter how old a crow-bar may be, it
remains as pry as ever.
No weather is genuine unless Vennors
name is blown on the bottle.
When pretty Irish girl is stolen away
they suspect some Boycotter.
An anti-protanity society has recently
been organized in st. Paul, Mimi.
| Nothing keeps man from knowledge and
wisdom like thinking lie has both.
It's easy for the hotel clerk to keep warm.
He's always hanging over the register.
4 sick man is considered out of danger
when the doctor discontinues his visits.
1t is sad but true that man who once be-
comes deaf seldom enjoys happy hear-atter
| People who harbor evil thoughts should
apply to Congress for harbor improvements.
Thermometers reform late in life; they
never become temperate" until nearly sixty.
Some women are like shotguns. They
would attract no attention without their
bangs.
'The eagles wing tunic" is the latest shape
in overdresses. 1t is such wings" that riches
take to themselves
1T is only after long reflection that 60 to
an entertainment with any young man. said
the maiden to her mirror
Men are like pins. One with small
head may be just as sharp, perhaps sharper,
than one with a big head.
Much charity which begins at home is too
feeble to get out doors, and much that begins
out doors never gets into the home circle
who was Atlas supposed to be 2" said the
teacher. Jay Gould" answered the boy who
read the papers, ''How is that u said the
teacher Oh" said the boy, 'he holds up
the World.
The Philadelphia Chronicle says IAN
uptown minister, who is very popular as a
performer of the marriage ceremony, is known
as Old Watermelon, because he doubles peo-
pie up"
Five hundred thousand copies Of the re-
vised New Testament are now being printed
in England. 1t would be good idea to pur-
chase 100000 copies and present them to the
wood haulers of Montana.
rs it law you're talking about? Look,
now, when ] was {: saudger | shot twenty
men for the Queen, and she gave me a PIN
sl1urr, ~by,t ii 1 was only to shoot one stray
fellow for myself, bedad I'd be tried for muir
ther. There's law for yeZ"
Jim Fowler, of Custer, Black Hills, an
gered at the refusal OF a treighter named
Burns to drink with him, shot him dead.
That night he was taken from the Jail and
lynched by an infuriated mob.-Omaha Bee.
Grips lexicon Economy-The art of living
on nothing while doing q good business.
Political economy-The art OF always keep
ing on the right side OF the party in power.
Social economy-The art OF living off some
body doing good business, without doing
any business yourself
1t is expected that the centennial of Los
Angeles, California, which will occur on the
4th of next September, will be celebrated
by the exhibition of all the curiosities relat-
ing to the early settlement OF the pueblo un-
der the Franciscan fathers.
1t is now expected that there will be
quite change in the running of trains on
the Union Pacific Railroad, ON or before the
first of March, by two new passenger trains
being put on, making the running time be-
tween Omaha and San Francisco twelve
hours shorter than at present.
A Sunday school superintendent in Ken
tucky recently found the following sentiment
chalked on his blackboard:
"PLEEs Mr.. SUPERINTENENT DON'T FIRE
OFF Stories evRY SUNDAY AT Us boys with
an Awful Exampul of a BAD Boy IN each
OF Them
nIV Us 4 REST!
TIV IT TO THE GIRLS.
NO SLOW"
The ghost of Vasquez, the Mexican ban
dit, is said to haunt cell No of the San Jose
jail, and the prison authorities play upon the
terror of offenders in order to enforce disci
pline. The other day young man who had
been sentenced to the chain-gang refused to
work on the streets, but after one nights
cofnement in cell No. / he was glad to ac-
cede to any demand.
The following incident recently occur
red at a religious meeting in the Black Hills:
"But pass said the minister in dismissing
one theme OH the subject to take up another.
''Then | make it spades yelled sleepy
miner. who was dreamily engaged in an i'm
aginary game of euchre. He went ont on
the next deal, assisted by bald-headed dea-
con with full hand of clubs,
The Carson New Tribune has this to
say of the chaplain of the State Senate: The
prayers of Parson Davis. chaplain of the Sen
ate are short and to the point. They run
about like this: 20 Lord bless this Senate
here assembled, and bless we pray Thee, all
its righteous acts, for Christs sake: Amenm
When he concludes, the Senators whisper to
each other, Bully for tim'' Hes brick"
He don't waste our valuable time" and SIM
liar remarks. This is a fast age, and people
want official prayers to keep pace with the
electric telegraph and other modern annihi-
lators of space
The Leadville Crcalcf speaks of that
district as follows: This camp may be said
in one sense to be wobbling The number of
pay mines has been doubled within year,
but the number of competent mine managers
has not increased. One-half of the mines
are being managed by men who hardly know
porphyry from quartzite. Nine-tenths of
the mines have not been examined for six
months by disinterested expert The own
ers really know nothing about them. They
conduct their business as if it was faro
bank gambling, and then they complain when
they lose. Every one who owns substantial
interest in mine should have it examined
by some one he can trust, who is not con-
nected with the management, at least once