The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1881-02-05

More Of Mr.. Spoopendykss Domestic
Tr0abIes,

dOre Of Mr.. SpOOpendyks'H Domestic
TFOabIes,
gLook here, my dear" said Mr.. spoop-
sndyke, tossing over the laCes and ribbons
IN his Wife's bureau drawer, whats be-
come Of the can opeuerP don't see 1t
aWhat do you want OF it2" asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, fluttering up to protect her
trinkets, and trying to gain little time.
" want 70 open some sardines with IT."
retorted Mr., \Spoopendyke, abandoning
the drawer and hunting through the
work basket. "Think Wantto comb my
hair with it? Imagine l want to write q
letter with it2 Well, l don't, l want
some sardines. What have you done
with it%
"You might take your big knife" rec
commended Mrs. Spoopendyke. 1.-THE
large bIade is just the thing for that" i,
Mr.. Spoopendyke seized the knife and
bored away at one corner Of the box,
while his wife looked on with considerable
distress.
Hadn't you better put paper under
the box? You'll get the oil all over the
table cloth, suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"No, l won't either" said Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke, as the knife plunged through and
the oil spattered. "Serve you right II !
did" he continued, ploughing away at
the tin, while the grease flew in all d.
reCtions, at would teach you to put the
can opener where you could find It. What
kind OF housekeeping do you call this any
hoW2" he yelled, as the blade slipped out
and closed up on his fingers,
"Did you hurt yourself dearT asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxiously.
mo, l didn't hurt myself" griuned MI.
spoopendyke. "The dod gasted knife
struck bone, or would have been dead
with egony an hour ago; Give me some
ether" he howled. "Fetch me some
Chloroforml S'pose I'm going to saw Of y
this box any more without an Rnesthetlcf
Got an idea I'm going to chop Oft a
couple dozen fingers without something to
deaden the pain? Where's the laughing
gas? Give me some laughing gas while |
extract these measly old tlah," and Mr..
Spoopendyke prRnCed round the room,
and then jsbbed the knife into the box
again, and ripped away as though he was
run by steam, mo use to hide away
from mel" he yelled, hacking at the box
with all his might, ~ know your in
there, and there cant any dod gasted sar-
dine that ever was built get away from
me. Come out, tell vel" and he seized
q fish by the tail and slung him across the
room. "You'Te transaCting business with
nOwW aud he Clawed out 0
handful OF mashed sardinea and slapped
them down on q plate.
"Won't you spoil 'em dear| asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, lodging the flying
heads and tails. "Ehey won't be very
good II you open 'em that way"
"Oh, won't they2' howled Mr., spoop.
endyke. III you don't like EN- that way
what'd you AJAX for 'em torP Maybe you
want me to take 'em out baby carriage?
P'raps you've got an idea ! ought to climb
under 'em and lift 'em outH Maybe you
want me 10 get into that box with boat
and take 'em out with q seine2 Well, l
won't, l tell ye. Give me the tongs. l
want that fish at the bottom, Where's
the tongs2 Gone to get married to the
can opener, haven't they% and Mr..
grabbed another fish and
fred him into the crate.
"Be patient, my dear" said Mrs. spoop'
endyke, goothingly. MAKE the opening
q little wider, and they'll come out"
"Ain't / patient" shouted Mr., spoop.
endyke. "P'raps you want me to sing to
'em, 4 wish | was an angel and with
the dod CAST the fish, Come out OF
that!" and with a wrench Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke hauled off the top and disclosed the
remains OF bis enemies. "NoW
give me lemon" and he eyed the repast
with anything but contentment. "stir
around and get me lemon-quiCk, now"
upon my word, my dear, don't be-
Iieye there's a lemon In the house, " STAN:
merred Mrs. spoopenkyke. II had one"
"Oh, you had one!" proclaimed Mr.,
spoopenkyke, "only you're Just out. II
you'd been brought up right, you'd only
need on awning and q family on the top
loor 10 be a grocery shop! S'pose I'm
,Oing to cat these sardlnes raw? Think
I'm going 10 swallow these fsh alive?
1imme something to put on them, will
1e?"
"What would you like, my dear?" que.
led Mrs, spoopendyke.
'Tnk, dod cast III Fetch me some
neasly inkl Got any nails? Can't ye
ind some laudanum soinewhere?" and Mr..
;poopendyke projected himself into the
,loset and pranCed out with bottle Of ar.
lica. "There," he howled as no dashed
he contents over the sardines, "there's
'pur fish all ready for you, and the next
line you want me to open the things you
lave q lemon, will ye2 Find can open.
n, won't YEP" and Mr.. Spoopendyke
lropped into his easy chair and picked up
he paper.
"Don't you want some Of the fish ?" ask.
ID Mrs. Spoopendyke, after a pause.
mo, l DON'T" growled Mr.. Spoopen-
Iyke.
displaying the sardines In |
Ieat layers.
How'd you get 1t open2' demanded
Ir. spoopendyEe.
"With the can opener" replied his wife
I found It In your tool box, where YOU |
tut It to sharpen It,"
maybe put the lemon in there to |
harpen that, too" gEunted Mr.. Spoopen.
lyke, pegVing away at the box and look.
ng up with bis mouth full, but recognize.
ng the taste OF vinegar, he made some re.
marks about some people only needing q
landle and a cork 10 be Fortunatus Jug,
nd having finished the lot, he demanded
Why bis vile hadn't asked for EN- II she |
wanted some, and went 10 bed with some
nCoherent observations on the absurdity |
i folks sitting around like martyrs with |
ish within reach.
TIE B. 4 o, r, R. have assumed control |
u the railroad dining room at Benwood |