The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1881-08-18
mao Nasby's First Marriage.

CoNFEDRIT x ROADS witch is in the Stat
NV Kentucky Feb. Is, 1Se1--I wuz youn
man and singlerly AYERS to work. Work neve
agreed with me. My principal work wuz to Ia
under trees all day and commune with nache
enless there wuz grosery convenient, Whic
was liable to ask the house up to take suthin.
didn't feel the need NV much eggsercise, bu
wat need Good git at playin' seven up o
euker in the grosery have menshuned.-
Shufin and deelin keerds develops the muscle
NV the arms wonderful. BillyaIds wuz allu
too much for me.
The time cum, however, when it BEGUN ne
cessary to do snthin for livelihood. WI
too yung to 60 into politix and the old man, m,
father, got to that age when it wuz all that h
Good do to borrer for hisself. He wuz gittil
old and wuzen't ez he wunst he'd bin. He in
timatid to me that the sooner shifted fer my
self the better he'd be pleased. Wat Good
do? he'd no perfershen that wood enable
me to live without laber, and laber
wooden't
My father solved the problem. 'Marry {
wilder" said he-"a widder with farm, an(
make her do the work. You are ekal to over
seein farm. Amt yer?"
remarked that Good see other men SWEET
without materially fatiguin myself, and that
thot his segestion good one l wood adopt
it. J.. a l,tsf l.5.,si,.lsta. t3s sitdl3e5 a
HARDLY wuz the wilder Tompson, which
wuz the owner Nv the best farms Wv the seek
shun. It wuz two hundred akers stocked
She wuzn't eggsackly wat would be called a
handsome woman, and wuz fifteen yeers older
than me, but didn't mind that Wat cared
| that her teeth wuZ all out, and that she he'd
a goiter and weighed two hundeed pounds
Wat cared that she he'd he'd habit Nv going
about with her stockins down at her heels and
that she considered the time spent in comm
her hair ez wasted? She he'd a farm, and that
wuZ enuff fer me.
| laid siege to this venerable female, and to
my delight found her not averse to second
chance at matrimony. = wuz a helthy young
man, and not bad lookin, and locked es though
might run two or three farms to wunst She
wuz ruther lonesome on the farm, and it cost a
pile of money to hire help, and then they
needed man to look after EN-, and we wuz
united in the holy bonds uvmatrimony.
For few days l lived in a elysium, wat
ever that may be. l had the best Nv eatin
suthin the Nasty family did not indulge in
and Mrs. Nasty wuz ez cOmplaisant ez
woman Good be. he'd cider to drink, the late
Tompson left a good supply Nv terbaker, and
things wuz a gein ez smooth ez Good be-
The fourth day MIS-. Nasty remarked that
we he'd long rest, and it wuz time we got
about our work.
pete" said she "You want to take the oxen
this morning and 60 and break that lot behind
the barn. 1t must be done to wonst, and shood
hev been a week ago, but for this margin
business"
'Excoose me, Mrs. Nasty" SEE I, goin out
and layin down under apple tree, with my
pipe lighted, "breakin ground is not my best
hold. This scots me better l didn't marry
to break ground"
"What," she eggsclaimed.
Il merely say that shall not break ground.
My bizness on this farm is merely ornamental.
am willin to go and lay down in the field to
be broke and oversee the breakin, provided
there is shade tree under which | kin lay.
But ez for takin hold Nv a pillow myself, never"
The woman looked at me in dazed sort Nv
way, for mint. She he'd in her rite hand
pale OF soapsuds witch she was agoin to pour
on she roots NV grape vine near me. With
out word Nv warnin she histed that bucket
VS. suds, hot ez it Wuz, all over me, and in an
other second he'd me by the hair. 1t wus
time that / asserted myself 1 made up my
mind to whale her then and there, wunst for
all, and hayin establish my sooperiority, hev
t all my way, ever atterward.
Assertin ones sooperiority is all well enuf
but 700 want to be shoor about yoor strength,
that bein the main pint in any assertin biznis
riz and grappled her, and found that assertin
wuz one thing and establishin quite another
In less than a mint that infooriated and mus
keller female he'd me on my back, ard wuz a
maxim me bald-headed at rate witch never
dreamed possible. She tore out my hair by
the handful, she peeled my face in mint and
in no less than four minits looked very much
like an old fashioned frIgate after an encounter
at short range
"Yoo won't work, won't ye? Well l guess
you will Yoo'l work on this farm. or We
won't eat. 700 won't work, won't ye?"
And then, ez eff the thot incidid her to mad
mis- she tore out wat little hair | he'd left, and
knocked the last bit Nv skin off Nv my face,
and dragged me out to the lot.
There is the pillow, there is the oxen, and
there the ground. 700 sooperintend! I'll do
that eend Nv that biznis. Git to work 700
broot, er-"
saw she wus in earnest, and yoked them
oxen meekly and went to work in the hot sun,
and she sot down under and kept me at 1t
without minit's rest till mite.
Her soopremacy wuz ASSERTED and establish
ed. Whenever dare to murmer she wood
exhibit lock Nv my hair which she kept by
her and that was enuff / dared not question
her authority.
Two mizerable yeers spent on that farm
two yeers Nv agonlzin labor When she died,
l diskivered that the place was mortgaged for
all it wuz worth, and that the money she got
for it she had bequethed to neece of hern.
and | wuz turned out on cold world, with
nothin', 'cept wat managed to git off the
place the night before left.
That was why l went into politix. After
driftin some time, subsistin on wat chance
thew in my way mites, found that men NV
my calbre are needed in politix, and that it is
surer Twin than margin widders, and like
wise made up my mind that eff l ever should
marry another wilder it would be one which
did't weigh more than ninety pounds and that
l should eggsamine the records afore the cere-
mony wuz pernounst, and that the farm didn't
have no encumbrance onto it, Eggsperience
is the only teacher
But | shell never do it, Age hez dimmed nv
arder, and long eggsperience in borrering en-
ables me to live in suthin like comfort, eff not
in luxury. And then so long ez there is a
Democrisey SIGH men ez me are in dimand
and jst before eleckshuns am shoor Nv enutf'
to drink anyhow. l kin alluz pick up enuff
to eat, and close are moi, difficult to come by in
a keerles and confding kentry. Possibly
have done ez well ez though the widder Good
hey been moldid to my will.