Daily Republican., 1881-10-27
GOOD FOB DYsPEPHIA.

| VIII He s..iie on TOO much Of lady :"
|
G0OD FOB DYSPEPHIA.
70 be Tskop Once . Week Before
ba'ing supper - VAR snted to
Cure tho worst hs Of blues m No.
quitsss die for it-FIies cry for
is-Rats and Mice sigh Tor it-and
the liiaIe Girls EigKle when IL oy
read 10.
FOLLOWING ADVICE.
Johnny" said his father, as the
"don't you know that it is impolite to
help yourself before your eluers ?"
"Why. pa, mother tod me to help my
self before you - "What do you
mean >" asked his father; while his
mother looked up with astonishment in
every feature. "Why, heard mother
tell aunt Hannah that she hoped I
wouldn't take after you and so l
thought I'd take my biscuit first"
An Austin boy came home from
school very much excited and told his
father that he believed all human beings
were descendants from apes, which
made the old man so mad that he re-
piled angrily: "That may be the case
with you, but that ain't mo Gan tell
you that now
"Angeline," said Augustus, as he
threw down copy Of the paper, II see
1t stated that Henry lrSing's wife
wants u divorce, and that Mrs. BouCi-
cault has procured one, and two or three
other cases of domestic infelicity are
reported, the interested parties being
members Of the dramatic profession,
Now, Angelina, why is 10 that actors
and actresses ara 80 often found apply
ing for divorces 2" Angelina thought
moment, and then said swell, Angus.
tus, | dou't know, unless it is because
they are 80 bad
4 lin the classic shades of Deadw wOcd
the average native is not very choice in
selecting the language used in advertis-
ing a runaway wife. The notices are
usual y written an posted in post-ofli-
ces and saloons, where they will catch
the eyes of the majority Of the ropu.a-
tion. a recent Que read rs follows !:
"my wife Sarah has Shook my rdncae
When didn't boo darned thing Too
hur an want it distinctly Understood
that any man That takes her in an
keers fur hur III my account vii get
himself pumped 80 Full Of lead that
Sum tenderioot vii Locate him fur a
Mineral cIame. If she runs Hur face
fur goods won't Put up fur hur, an
20 lick the sCn.of a tornado tnat talks
hur stand-otf even For the drink, a word
to the wise is sufficient an orter work
on fools too"
JOKING THE LAWYER.
A good -natured Griswold street law
yer left his oifir3 unoccupied for an
hour, about o'clock one afternoon,
and some OF the jokers in the block went
in and built up n rousing hot fire in his
coal stove. He came back with his hat
in his hand and almost dead with the
heat, and he was met on the stairs by d
lawyer, who said:
"lhis is The hottest day yet. The
in my room marks l2O
degrees"
"Don's seem possible, though its a
scorcher, replied the other rs he went
on to his room.
He threw down his hat, took off his
coat and began tanning hi.nselt. But
The harder he famed the hotter ho grew.
Two or three lawyers came Ill and
spoke about how cool his room was
TO theirs, aud was greatly
puzzled to account for it. Several
,ffere we're made him to exchang rooms
IND pretty soon he became ashamed Of
icing 30 overheateI aud SAT down
o his table In about five minutes his
hirt collar fell tlat, and in Ten ne
hadn't Any starch in his shirt The
ran down in every direct
on ant he seemed to be boiling, when
mo of his friends looked In and re-
marked:
"Ah, old boy, envy you. You've
,ot the coolest room iu the block"
"Say." said the lawy er, ,ss he stagger-
d to the door, ~ am going home.
leyer felt 80 queer In all my life While
know the room is cool and airy, Pm
0 baked and boiled that can't lit
ny hand. One drink Of brandy
act that way Oh uIan, would {
z" Il
THAT just it," whispered the other.
'Brandy always acts the other away, ,
specially if you drink alone. You
usht TO have known better" l
$50 had-So had. Don't say a
,ord to the boys-I'll make is all night. I
thsught something must all me, and
Was little afraid l Was going to be
.nt for. I'm glad IT'S nothing serious c
iii be back in about two hours. ,
THE NEW sOiOOLMAsTER
The old man approached the new Il
with bulldog glare in o
is eyes.
"You got after my boy yesterday he /
.use he left live hornet glued toyour I
lair?" u u
81 did" u
"You licked him 10 he thought the O.
orld was coming to an end" .
"That was the impression [ intended =
convey to him" n
"I am his father, and I've come to r,
II you what l tbi * of your proceed n y
gs" "
Then they clinched. Hair and blood a.
Nv in the air, likewise the dust and
agments of garments. Then it quiet
down little, and the old man i'm
ored him to let him up, stop choaking re
ID take his teeth from that ear. NJ
"W hat do you think about my warn. al
z your boy?" asked the teacher. 81
~ think you did just right, and hi
hen l 60 home III give him tanning X
at II teach him to come to ma with Q,
8 cOmpl liuts and stories that the in
hoolmaster can't dght," 81
They parted and the schoolmaster z,
Il did right to tackle the a,
a of the worst fghting man In the b,
strict first. None of the others will fr