Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-11-02
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE,


advertisement, invites the public to
come and see his invisible wire fences.
LoRnLARD's horses, "taking them as
they run, are very valuable. Norris
toaU9a Herald.
NEVER trust to appearances; it is the
prosperous dentist who looks most down
IN the mouth.
AGRICULTURAL: Hoes handled by
many early settlers in the west.-Ara-
pahoes- Wit and Wisdom.
So. EMPTY is the cradle, baby's gone.
Smith has it, was the way an unobserv-
| ing New Haven music dealers advertise
ment read Yale Record.
MONEY often leads men astray. Some
of them will run after a dollar: but q
hound dog is more avaricious. He will
follow scent.
A MAN who goes up in a balloon and
comes down all right is called profess
sor. A man who goes up and comes
down all wrong is called "a fool
Detroit Free Press.
A LITTLE girl in a London Sunday
school being asked why God made the
flowers of the field, replied: "Please,
ma'am, [ suppose for patterns for arti-
| fetal flowers"
A COLORADO item: 60 Arizona Jack"
one of the type of dime novel heroes
that are entirely too common, attempted
| to &C run the town" and is now running
small lot in the cemetery-Gum1a5son
| Times.
HAVE you some milk this morning?"
asked the milkman of Toozer, who stood
at the back door. ono, not this milk,
some udder milk" said the little one.
| And the milkman walked chalk line
| away from the house.
| A HORNETS nest is said to be the best
polisher In the world for glass lenses.
| Butyou want to do your polishing when
the hornet is not around to help you.
For what shall it profit man If he polish
thousand glass lenses in one day and
| one hornet catch him at it?
ScHooLMIsTREss Gust beginning nice
improving lesson upon minerals to the
juniors)-" Now, what are the principal
things we get out of the earth?' Youth
full angler, aged four, Confidently
"Worms.
SOME one recommends pouring gill
of whisky In the shoes at morning and
ficulty with the remedy is that many
persons can't stoop SO low when they
have gill of whisky in their hands
Norr. Herald.
HE Chinese government is going to
build some railroads, and soon will be
heard in the land the voice of the Celes-
tial brakeman: "Hooppee Yang-tze
kiang Junction! Tlaine stoppee ten
minutes eatee and dlinkee !-BotrLino-
tom H0aOkeye.
A MAN went through bankruptcy. He
had owned fine horse and gig, and they
both disappeared for a time, but by and
by the horse and gig both were doing
service for the same owner again. On
being asked what this meant, the mans
reply was: 81 went through the bank
ruptcy court, but the horse went round"
NAUTICAL: s'You are the wrong tack, -
said the pilots wife. when the hardy son
of the loud-sounding sea sat down on it
and arose with the usual exclamation.
"No," he replied, after critical ex-
animation, :" I'm on the right tack, but
shoot mo if amt on the wrong end of
it. "-Burlingtoa Haaokeye.
WAITER Ito eminent artist, who is
stopping in the hotel)-"We had
harris stoppin' ere once, sir, and he cut
without payin' is BILL" E. A.-"I In
deed But are you sure he was an
artist?" Waiter Oh. yes, sir, quite
sure. In fact, e painted our sign -
Fun
FITTING emblems are not always ap-
preclated. The neighbors of a poor fell
low who died, erected tombstone to his
memory, and had placed above it the
conventional white dove The widow
looked at it through her tears and said:
SIT was very thoughtful to put it there
John was very fond of cunning, and it is
an especially good emblem. I"
"SToLE any chickens dis week, Brud-
der Jones?' said searching class-leader
to member of suspiciously thieving
procIvities: emo, sah-tank de lor'."
g You Sc done well, said the leader, and
passed on, while Brudder Jones turns
to 't'Brudder Brown" and whispers:
Lucky he said chickens; if he'd said
ducks he'd had mel Shuah !"
AT Chautauqua the other day little
girl was asked If she was a Methodist.
sob no." she replied. "I. am a
DItGHIeu, anu luy mOUIl0f Is DrotIlr6u,
too. They were of the United Brethren.
At Montreal one of the Plymouth
Brethren was asked why they never
spoke of the Plymouth Sisters. "Oh,"
was the answer, Sc the Brethren embrace
the Sisters"
"THE erubescent excresence on your
olfactory organ is yetin its adolescence"
said physician to young man with an
abnormal development of his nee re-
trOusse. The doctor merely meant that
the boil on the youths nose was not yet
ripe. But the fellow thought he wouldn't
live toget home. He now carries a
dictionary in his coat tail pocketin place
of a revised flask.
JOHN PH1IPoT CURRAN, the witty and
eloquent Irish barrister, who was for
some years master of the rolls in Ireland.
was dining with an Irish Judge who,
from the severity of his sentences, was
called "the hanging judge" and of
phory, wa said tbot Il a hoI y,<,x,o,. lo<,x,