Staunton spectator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1849-1896, 1881-02-08
MY WlFE,S RELATIONS.
"Broiled chickens for tea, eh?" said

"BrOiled chickens for tea, eh ?" said
| "And lobster salad and fried oyste rs
Upon my word, this looks as if we were
going to have company"
ESQ we are, my dear" said my wife,
looking little guilty, as she polished
up the surface of the silver tea tray with
chamoise leather. "They are all com
ing to visit me-Uncle Silas and Aunt
Millicent, and the children. and c. ousin
Joab. and the two Miss Wilmerd ings,
and my Aunt Louisa, to meet the Rev
Mr.. Starkwell, from Minnesota, who
married my cousin, Jerusha Wild, Mr.
Sparkwell is troubled with catarrh,
and he thinks of staying at our he use
for few weeks while he is being treat =
ed by DIR. Dosem."
put down my linen duster and pa per
parcels with some emphasis.
''Oh, coufound the Rev. Mr.. Spar k
WELL" said L.
"John !" calculated my wife.
"Well, my dear, I can't help it." sa i'd
/. "It's not human nature to endul q
everything. And I've been relatione d
out of all patience ever since we wel g
married. The Jenkinses went away
last week, the Birdsalls took an affeo :
tionate leave yesterday, and now, jus
as was contemplating a peaceful even :
ing by ourselves. here's q new swarm
hungrier than the rest, just about to
settle down upon us. In my opinion,
Kitty. my dear, relations should be
abolished"
II am surprised at you, john" said
my wife, my own people that are so
fond of me-"
"That's where you are mistaken, my
~ ocid \ l..
spring beds and cookery that they are
fond of, not you"
"John!"
"I'd be willing to wager a good round
sum on the truth of my assertioI,s,"
said I.
because you have no relations your
"Thank Providences1for that" said I
devoutly. 81 was reared In a foundling
asylum, and have nobody to thank but
myself for my tolerable succe IS in the
world.''
ITS no reason you should find fault
with mine," said Kitty, with. her bright
blue eyes full of tears, "And Mr Spark
WELLS such spiritually mi nded man,
and dear Uncle Silas loves 20 u Just as if
you were his only son, and C. ,usin Joab
is so interested in the childre M
"1'm much obliged to 'en,." said I.
dryly, but slept all last week on sofa
cushions laid in the bath TUT: we have
had fourteen people here owe the ami.
versaries; and l was obliged. to give up
my own room for a month last winter
to old Manswell, not to so eak of our
being half poisoned WITH Au Mt Louisa's
hygiene mess in the fall. When the
poet said, There's no place like home. ,
l presume he meant when there's no
relations visiting there. TIL tell YOU
what, my DEAR" with sud den inspira.
ton. 1--WE great mind formally to
deed over this house to your relations,
If they will agree sOlemnly to lesye me
In peace for the rest of my life, whereso-
ever may set'up my family tent.U
Nonsense" said my wife. do 90
upstairs and change your things. and
brush your hair and get ready for tea
They're all waiting in the best pal.lor.
and was expecting your return to- see
about hiring some cot beds from the
village hotel to put up in the attic for
those four little Sparkwell chill iren.
You see, Aunt Louise has the blue he'd
room, and Cousin Joab sleeps in the lit
tie wing chamber, and Mr.. and Mrs
Sparkwell will have our room, q nd"
Indeed" said l, land we are to
sleep in the barn, I suppose ?"
E"Don't be cross, john" said nv wife.
appealingly; lone must be hosp table
you know, and can easily m; Axe up
the sofa bed in the back parlor for our
use for a week or two"
said nothing, but ground NV teeth
In silent despair; and Ispranp upstairs.