Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-05-18

-W2tH0fnSpOTt BREAKFAST Table.
COOPER was staving good writer
cambridge Tribune.
A MATCH-sAFE-On put up where the
small boy can't get it.
HAVE never known sekond wife but
what was boss of the situasbun.-.Josh
Billings.
IHE land speculator is always ready to
show the sites to his customers. Brook
Ign Argo.
lNvALIDs should avoid German
"spas, they are Teu-tonic. Boston
Transcript.
IT is said that the French have no re-
spect for the oyster because it never had
bony part.
A MEDICAL writer says children need
more wraps than adults. They gener-
ally get more.
1t can't be that all good people die
young. The editor of this paper is near
ly 6O.-McG Oregon News.
WHEN young man wants to protect
a young lady he naturally puts his armor
round her.-Bosto,s Globe.
81 FIND that with light meals nv
health improves" said the Esquimax,
and down went another candle.
IF New York does not soon collar q
STRENGTHENING process, she will cholera
pestilence. Cambridge Tribune.
The tramp will soon be on the look
out for summer quarters. He will take
ten cents if you have not got quarter.
AN enterprising street-vender sells
conscience suspenders." Called soon
science" because of their extreme elasti-
ity.
The car is having the top and bot
tom knocked out of fre-proof safe, as
he is to have light sack-coat for sum-
mer.
The equity man is generally looked
upon as a high liver-too high to be
reached by liver pad.-New Orleans
Pic0y,t1ae.
He wrote it: ''Be not weary in we'll
doing" It came up smiling in cold type:
"Be not wary in well-digging. "-New
York NeaOs.
BASE ball clubs have their uses. Some
of them bring forward colleges that 9TH
erwise would not be heard of.-NeaU Or
leans Picayasne.
YOUNG ladies and elephants attain their
growth at eighteen. Here analogy
ceases. One trunk is enough for an ele-
plant. Courier.
The man who woke up one bitterly
cold night and found he had kicked all
the clothes off was surprised, but he
quickly recovered.-Boston Post.
The ancients never used pocket-hand-
kerchiefs.-N. Y Com. Adv. How
about the wiper that Cleopatra car
ried in her bosom p PHILADELPHIA Buk-
tetin
OUT in Cincinnati they propose to send
man to jail if he reads newspaper on
Sunday. Considering the character of
Cincinnati papers, this is right -Boston
Globe.
PAPER dinner-plates are now in use.
"By-and-by," says the Syracuse Herald,
"they will print the news of the day
around the rim, and serve them fresh at
every meal. :"
TIE Western Indians have again mar
rowly escaped determination. Three
small boys have been taken from a
freight car in which they had intended to
ride to the plains.
AN exchange publishes an article head
ed Chow to Tell Mad Dog" We have
nothing to tell mad dog that we cannot
communicate by telephone or postal-card
Boston Transcript.
A RUSSIAN sigh-Siberia. Cincinnati
Saturday Night. A western sigh-Cy-
clone. Cambridge Tribune. An un-
welcome sigh-Sciatica.- Bostor Globe.
An eastern sigh-Siam.
"IsN'T that a beautiful color?" said
the fish dealer, as he cut into large
salmon. "Yes," said FIotsam, 'sI sup
pose he is blushing at the extravagant
price he is getting for himself"
"OH, give me anything made of
BEANS" exclaimed a Boston man, taken
sick in the west, when asked what he
would have to eat They obeyed his re-
quest. They gave him castor oil.
A GooD-NATURED traveller fell asleep
in train and was carried beyond his
destination. "Pretty good joke, isn't
it % said afellow-passenger. eyes, but
little too far-fetched," was the rejoin-
der
A PARIS letter says: sat a recent
Mackey ball the toilette of the hostess
was poem" IF this thing is to become
the rage, we have whole waste-basket-
full of ball costumes to give away.-Bos-
ton GtOOe.
A LITTLE girl had been scolded by her
grandmother. She picked up her little
kitten, and caressing it said: Sc wish
one of us three was dead. And it amt
you, kitty, and it amt me. p Cincinnati
Saturday Night.
ARIZONA has paper called the Tomb
stone Gossip. Earl Marble should be
oaIled m tba oditorioI choir Tho shows -
would give him epitaphy.-Norristos0a
Herald. This is a grave dig.-Com-
Bridge Tribune.
AT THE SENIOR UNITED. Colonel (to
pompous stewarD: ''Hullo, how's this?
I see woodeocks five shillings. Why, at
the Junior they only charge fourp'
Steward: EVERY likely, sir. The
Junior 'ud eat anythinE !''-P Punch.