Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-03-03
PITH AND POINT.

patton.
THs actor who cannot draw is worse
than blister.
LITTLE Johnny says in his case a
spanking is always bare end reality.
A WHITE man who had married ne
gress offered color blindness as an ex-
cuse.
"a TAIL that is tolled," remarked the
gate-keeper when he caught horse by
the conclusion, while he made the rider
pay the fare.
WHEN you see an article in news
paper headed "The Political Outlook,
just scan the bottom line and see If it's
sold by all druggists"
BRIo-A-BRAo work is very popular With
the young ladies, and, after marriage, II
is replaced by break-a-back work, Ia
the broomstick and hatiron.
How TO save money is the heading
to notice in half the papers in the
country to-day. But that isn't what
troubles us, but how to get it.
MULTIPLICATION is an easy matter
with the cabman. He gets four passen-
gers, looks around and says: -Four
times so cents is 50, and four to carry
THERE is no royal road to nobility,
and the advantage of birth does Lot
amount to much in this country /; at the
same time if an United States man wants
to be born SO that he can achieve great
ness, or have it thrust upon him, he had
best be born in Ohio.
THERE is serious neglect somewhere
when public man is allowed to go out
Of Office without gold-headed cane. A
good cane can be had for SIS, and the
nun who gets it cannot spend more than
hundred dollars on the hungry sub
scrbers who will expect to be asked to
supper.
MANY a true word is spoken in jest,
and there is grim substratum of truth
in the dry remark of Detroit journal,
to the effect that the number of people
alive a year ago, but dead now from not
knowing it was loaded, is estimated at
500, with few old shot-guns yet to hear
from.
On, would / were lunatic--
I'D soon be one as not;
Their, If didn't like man,
I'D kill him on the spot.
Then at the trial would prove,
As criminals now do
That all my kin were lunstcx
And was crazy too.
AMBITIOUS boy Mother, may / go
out West and fight Indians?" Mother
-" No, my son but you may go down
to the cellar aud fetch me up a scuttle Of
COAL" Thereupon the heart-crushed
lad swore eternal hostility to society,
and forthwith became plumbers APP
prentice.
"JoHNNY, you don't know how proud
was to have you at the head of your
class, and now you have fallen back
ever SO far. i" You are to blame
for it, ma" elbow so, Johnny ?"
THE Bible says pride goes before
fall. Your pride went before my fall
Besides, it is some other boys mothers
TURN to feel stuck up"
s.sAY, Sue, see how sue and sigh
And en- the lea lay low
For upon this day do die
If you, Sue, say sol"
No tell-taIe sign does she shy show
Where he his mad pleas plies
The teardrops that do downward fow
Ooze from his eyes.
a. All, woe upon the way war
Do You not Sue, so say 2"
He fingered on his knee niss, nor
For answer knew Noisy.
= Kansas City Times.
A RocKLAND man read that one should
endeavor to draw something useful from
everything he saw, and nobly resolved
to profit by the teaching. That night,
when the moon was hidden, he essayed
to draw a number of useful cordwood
sticks from his neighbours woodpile, and
got filled so full Of rock-salt out of
gun that he won't be able to taste any
rbipoy frasb for tho bolonoa Of his lifa
Rocktand Courier.
:WHAT's wrong between you and
Smythe, that you don't speak ?"
" Haw Fact is, We were both wivals
for the hand of the same young lady-a
celebwated beauty, you know and
well, / don't want to bwag, butt got the
best of it. Poor Smythe r My dear
fellow, l ,000congratulations" "Thanks
awf'ly We both proposed last week,
You know, and she accepted-a--him I"
Punch.
JONES" Ger tainly we can give you
any information desired on any subject.
What's blizzard? Why-a blizzard is
ar-a--. You've seen the gentle zephyrs
among the trees in spring time, and,
speaking of spring, it viii be very soon,
when the buds will put forth and the
back yard will need cleaning when the
sweet flowers will perfume the woods,
and the melting snow will bring to light
two dead cats and a pile of ashes in front
of your houses, and. Sir, blizzard ?
Owingto a rush of advertisements in this
issue your question must go over to a
more convenient time. Derrick.