davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19
An UnbuiIded Monument.

Poor Artemus Ward In our day
there has been no more delightful Bu-
morist When he died, the press of En-
gland and America was filed with trib-
utes to his memory. In New York a
meeting of newspaper folk was held, at
which it WAS resolved that his memory
should really ana truly be peFpetpated.
The manner in which this was done is
anusingly told i'll the following, from a
Boston friend:
GA few summers since l passed a
weeks vacation at Waterford, Me-, and
during my visit went to the village
graveyard to view the final res sting place
Of Artemus Ward. With some trouble
[ found the grave, there being nothing
about the plain white slab to distinguish
it from many similar ones around.
While thinking and wondering that no
monument had ever been erected to the
humorist, countryman approached, to
whom 7 said, my friend, cap you tell
me why it is that Artemus never has
had q monument erected to his mem
ory We'll, stranger, guess l kin,
was the reply. you see, arter Artemus
died, three or four hundred printer fell
lers down in New York city got together
and passed some beautiful resolutions,
saying that Artemus should have mon
ument, and they would pay for It then
and there and then they took up a col
lection, which amounted to $1,000, so
I'm told; and since then this town
Aain't seen either the monument or the
money but, stranger, we did get copy
Of the resolutions. "-Hdrper's Maya
ziaG.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19
Not ImprOmptu.

The day after Senator Hayne of South
Carolina delivered his celebrated phil
Ippic against New England, and Massa-
chusetts In particular, Daniel Webstsr
answered it by the greatest speech of
his life. All over the country surprise
was expressed that such mastery reply
should have been composed within
twelve hours.
But the fact was that Mr.. Webster had
been for years preparing that speech.
One of its strongest constitutional argu-
ments had been written long time be-
fore, as professional opinion. No oc-
oasiOn had called FORTS public utterance
until Mr. Hayns made one, Then the
great orator had but to marshal forces
already equipped, and hurl them at the
Rssallant of his state.
= A lady visiting the studio of Mr..
Hunt, the artist, and seeing an elabor-
ate charcoal picture, asked how
long it took him to draw it,
"Well answered Mr.. Hunt, ST think
it took me an hour or two that is, was
about that time putting it on the paper
there. But 4 suppose / ought to say
that 1t took me forty years, as I've been
drawing about that length OF time"
An unenhghtened public may believe
IN extemporaneous efforts; but the en-
ightened know that the labor of years
Is required to make one superior effort
The lesson Is plain one-improve every
by work, for the hour is not
fOrseen when you may lie called to
do the great duty of your life. - Youths
Companion.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19

Old John Morris, Little Rock negro,
hit upon the idea OF Tanner nnti-biliUua
pills, compounded, rs he declared. accord
ing 70 a recipe obtained uf the long
faster. He sold some b. a woman who
died soon after taking thom. John was
arrested and taken 10 the court, where
the following dialogue took place /:
where did You get the medicine You
gave the woman ?" 81 made hit nom
directions sent ter mo by DR. Tanner.
"What are It's component parts q"
"Hit's mnde outen roots from the groun'
and leaves frum dc trees. Does yer
wanter buy a bottle, ledger "No, air,
I don't. The charge against You h .
serious one. What made your medicine
kill the woman2" "Why, ledge, Do
medicine didn't kil the oman. &" What
killed her2" why, Jcdge, Dc oman
died .ob do surprise. Yer SEQ aho had
been takin' oborythinR in tho medical
market an hit didn't do her no good.
She didn' hab much confidence in my
medicine, and when sho tuck hit an foun'
that hit won't right ter wurk tenrin' 40
the corners OBJ dc biliousncHs, hit sur
prised do oman 10 death. Yer cant holo
a man for surprisin' anybody 10 death.
III / come an tells you a good piece ob
news, an you falls dead, dc law cant
hold me 'sponsible. An 'oordin ter ID
same 'stonOmy, If / gins q woman q dose
oh medicine and hit surprise her TER
death, do law cant put Dc clamps on
me-" The Justice Il considering the
points Of Johns argument, but John u
still IL iail.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19
rha Morshin Of Humanity.

The ''worship of humanity" has now
in London chapel, priest, and ritual.
Its chapel Is situated in dingy street,
and is small room capable of contain
ing a hundred persons. Its sole decOra-
tiOns are engravings, bUsts, notices, and
flowers; its pulpit small desk above
which is an engraving of the Dresden
Madonna-mother and child having been
Comics highest type of humanity.
Cornpte. the founder of the POsitivist, or
Humanity School, redivided the year
into thirteen months which he named
respectively Moses, Homer, Aristotle,
Arehimedes, Caesar, st. Paul, Charlie
magne. Dante, Gutenberg, Shakespeare,
Descartes, Frederick the Great, and
Bichat. representing ancient poetry,
philosophy, science and government;
Catholicism; and modern poetry,
philosophy, industry, science, govern
ment, etc. Busts of these persons adorn
the room, together with engravings Of
Casar. Archimedes, Scipio, Plato, Aristo-
tie. Pythagoras, Virgil, Homer, Con
fucius, Paul, St Bernard, Aquinas,
Mohammed, Charlemagne, Shakespeare,
Dante, Milton, Louis XI., Columbus,
Hume, Bacon, Moliere, Mozart, and
many other worthless.
There are now about sixty worshipers
in London belonging to the religion of
Humanity, but even that number Is an
increase; for some years ago Professor
Jowett, visiting them, said he found
there ''three persons and no God. The
''Festival of Holy Women" was celebrated
on the day when Mr.. Conway, who
writes an interesting letter about 1t, was
present, and the discourse of the Priest,
DR.. Congreve, a scholarly, whlte-halred
man, pertained to eminent and holy
women Of the past-St Monica, Beatrice,
Heloise, Joan of Arc, and others. He
read George Ehots famous POsltIvlst
hymn, so, Might Join the Choir In
visible" and lessons from the '1mita-
ton of Christ" by Thomas Kempis,
volume which, after her death, was
found by George Eliots side. Prayers
are offered to the "Great Power whom
we here acknowledge as the Highest
Humanity" There is also q ritual, with
prayers, and a benedictiOn as follows:
''The Faith of Humanity, The Hope of
Humanity, The Love of Humanity, bring
you comfort and teach you sympathy,
give you peace in yourselves and peace
with others, low and forever, Amen"
DIR. COngreve, the priest, has distln-
gulshed nlmSelI Ior Ills 81 HpdbilLeS III
behalf of all the popular movements, and
his opposition to slavery and all Oppres-
sion; of the French under Napoleon Ill;
the wars of England against Afghans,
ZuIus, Beers, and other weak and help
less people; and has just delivered and
published forcible discourse in favor CT
granting Irish independence.
Many, if not most, of the disciples Of
Comics philosophy, like John Stuart
Mil, George Henry Lewes, George
Eliot, John Morley, editor Of the Fort.
nightly ReUieaO, have never approved
of the religious or ritualistic phase of
Positivism, and whatever progress it has
made has been mental and inward in
fuence upon the thought of the time,
and not the building up of a sect, ~Sr
even a congregation.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19
Partisan MhIms and Oddities.

The passion for hanging o vast guam.
tity Of fancifrl objects to pendant chains
about the waist has so gained ground
that they now hang, in Paris and Lon
don, chains on both sides, and from these
hang greater number of odd objects
tlan ever before. An eccentric lady
startled the guests at reception by re-
Gently appearing with what appeared to
be the skull of an infant pendant from
her chatelaine. 1t turned out to be that
of her pet monkey, properly polished
and furnished with small crystal eyes.
Another lady of fashion wears q gold
box, in which she has small powder
puff and little rice powder, also a small
mirror. One of her whims is to use
these TO arrange her complexion before
folks. The fashionable ladies of Paris
are also overwhelming a young italian
artist with orders for Roman heads, which
lie caryes exquisitely and wonderfully
upon a cherry stone. This is the whin
of the hour, and the sculptor receives
enormous prices for these tiny heads,
and it is said no emerald is costlier.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19
Tie Right Kind Of Pride.

A young man ''that works for his
board" no matter what honest work he
does, has no reason for shame. A young
man who eats the bread of idleness, no
matter how much he has, is disgraced.
All men, starting in life, ought to aim,
first of all, to find a place where they
can earn their bread and butter with a
hoe, ak, spade, heel-barrow, curry
comb, backing brush-no matter how,
Independence first The bread-and-
butter question settled, let the young
man perform his duty SO faithfully as to
attract attention, and let him constantly
keep his eye open for chance to do bet
ter. About half the poor, proud young
men, and two-thirds Of the poor, discour-
aged young men, are always out of work.
The young man who pockets his pride
and keeps q stiff upper lip, need not
starve, and he stands chance to become
rich, if he cares to.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19

VANITY OF HIGHwAYAIEN.-A Calves
weston lady was reading q newspaper 40
count of a stage robbery that recently
took place west of San Antonio and was
very indignant on reading that besides
robbing the passengers they had opened
the mail and read the letters, among
them, possibly, letter the lady herself
had written to friend. "You needn't
he alarmed, remarked the lady's hus-
baud, II dare say they did not read a
word in any of those letters, as those fell
lows don't know B. from bulls foot.
t'Why, then, did they make out that
they read them p ''0h, they made out
they could read so as to make a favorable
impression on the passengers. Gal
UeSt0n NeIUs.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19

At Alma, Kan, q man named SohutE
fell dead Of heart disease, caused by
fright 90 a snake.
The little soEof Henry Leafs, OF Pat
tersburg. Kan, died from the bite Of a
rnttleannke.
A son Of Joseph Thompson Of Butler
county, Kan, died horrible death from
the bite Of a cOpperhead snake.
Thomas Sherlock, Of Bedford, Ind,
killed n spotted snake In his garden that
measured 9 feet z inches IN length and
inches In diameter
Five italian woodcutterH near Chcro-
keo, New Mexico, set lot Of wire uooBcB
% catch squirrels and found In ono trap
an immense nttlesnake with sixteen
rattles.
In Reading, Pa, copporhcad snake
thirty-seven inches long was found to
contain eighty-eight young snakes, all
alive, and four 10 six inches In length,
when II was killed.
Mrs. Wistman, Of Walkerton, Ind,
was attacked by an enormous black
snake. She seized the reptile tightly
about the neck and screamed for help.
The snake was feet i'm length.
II. l.. Patty, while riding on horse
back IN the Santiago canon, camo upon
q rattleHnRko IN the road, and had Just
taken his foot from the sirrup when the
snake struck, unfolding It's fanga in tho
stirrup leather. Mr.. Patty killed tho
snake, which was one Of the largest %
it, species, its body being as thick NJ a
mans leg.
William Drake, Of Marlborough, N.
T., while in the mountain near the vil-
lage, came upon rattlcsnnke. who itn-
mediately showed fight There was no
chance of escape for Mr.. Drake. Keep
ing up an incessant nttlinR, the snake
struck at Drake repeatedly, but In every
instance he managed 30 avoid It's stroke.
and IN half an hour killed the reptile. 10
measured six feot Ave and Onc-hnn
inches in length.
While picking blackberries on the
Mine Hill mountains, Mary O'Brien, Of
Black valley, Pa, felt something rub
bing against one Of her stockings. Sho
continued picking berries, and next felt
a sharp and sudden pain IA that limb.
Spunglng out from the bushes. she
found a coppsr-hcad snake over a yard
in length curied about her leg: aud,
without an instant's loss ~ aolf-control.
she took the snake by the tail, and. after
unwrupBing il, dashed Il 10 the earth.
and then beat Il 10 death with = club.
John Geer, Of Basket station, Pa has
killed over 100 mathematics within tho
past three months. He always carricsa
erotched stick. When ho comes upon a
snake lac carefully places the crotch
ever the reptiles neck, just back Of tho
Head. Then, il he desires to keep the
snake alive, he removes the poison by
instruments made for the purpose. Ho
has a regular process Ter extracting tao
oil from the bodies. This oil IL slid 10
be very valuable, and sells readily Tor
81 per bottle. 10 is said 10 have great
curative powers.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19
FACTS FOR THE CURIOUS.


THE skin contains more than 2, 000, 900
minute openings, the outlets of sweat
glands.
THE ancients believed that emeralds
worn in a ring protected the wearer from
dysentery, epilepsy and. malignant fe-
vers. The occult power of the gem was
supposed to be decreased by engraving
some astrological device upon it.
WHEN "Pickwick" was first published
in numbers it was for a time n failure
OF 800 copies of each of the first five
parts sent to various parts of Great Brit
ain, there was an average sale of fifty
copies part 1t was not until after the
introduction of Sam Weller that the
work became popular.
TIE size attained by icebergs is some
times prodigious. From measurements
made on one DIR. Hayes estimated it to
contain about q, 600, 900, 900 feet, while
its weight must have been not less than
LOCO, 900. 600 tons. 1t was grounded in
water nearly half mile in depth. What,
then, must have been the thickness and
the size of the glacier from which this
mass had been detached
a YOUNG man in Russia of decided
ability was attacked by an acute disease
brought on by excessive dissipation.
After his recovery he was found to have
lost all his mental faculties except calcu-
lation and memory. These were in
creased to such a degree that he could
surpass all mathematlclans IN power of
mental calculation, and could repeat
poetry which occupied several minutes
in reading after hearing 1t only once. In
all other respects he is a helpless IDIOT.
THE following are Prof. Bertillon's
statistics respecting the increase in the
number Of suicides in different cOun-
tries. Why, however, Dane should be
so far more anxious to make an end of
himself than any other human being, it
would be difficult to explain. In every
mill ION IF r1nrsO1lS
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19

TIE marvellous accomplishments %
electric telegraphy at the present day
are seen in the following schedule Of
times and places, rs given in French
paper. A telegraphic dispatch sent from
Paris will reach Alexandria, Egypt, III
s hours, Berlin in one hour 30 minutes,
Basic in hour and Is minutes, Buchar-
est in hours, OoLatautinoplr in hours,
Copenhagen in / hours, Cuba III 10
hours, Edinburgh in hours 80 minutes,
Dublin in hours, Frnhfort-on the
Main in hour % Minutes, Geneva in !
hour 10 minutes, IL ng Kong In l.
hours, Hamburg ~ | hour 30 minutes,
Jerusalem IL iuuIT, Liverpool in .
hours, London in l hour ID minutes.
Madrid in 2 hours 30 MINUTES. Man
chester IL 2 hours 30 minutes, New York
In hours, New Orleans in hours, Rio
Janeiro il 8 hours, Rome III l hour %
minutes, san Francisco III ii Auurs, 81
Petersburg in hours, Saigon III II
hours, southampton in hours, Sidney,
Australia, in Is hours, Valparaiso IN II
hours, Vienna III l hour As minutes,
Washington in 6 hours, Yokohama III IA
hours, and Zanzibar in Z hours.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19
USEFUL HINTS.

KEROSENE lamps which are trimmed
daily rarely explode.
WOODEN hose should be soaked all
aight and washed In hot suds with beef's
gal, a tablespoonful to half a pail of
water. Iron on the wrong side.
MIRRORS should never be hung where
shs sun shines directly upon them. They
EoOn look misty, grow rough and granu-
.Atsd, and no longer give back q correct
pisture. The amAlgam, or union OF tin
8eil With mercury, which is spread on
glass to form q looking glass, Is easily
FEined, by the direct, continued exposure
- the solar rays. ....-..
BIZ saving all the seams and hens and
ssagss pieces of cloth that are not suita-
bic fOE rag carpet, when one is making
oas, and braiding and sewing together,
8 rice rug can be made. The rags are
prepared the same as for q carpet and
knit on wooden needles about as large
"a lead pencil, eight or ten inches long;
knit square center, and knit stripes OF
various colors, and sew around II until
= Is as large as you wish.
FEATHER pillows can be cleaned and
PARTED without removing the feathers,
by taking the pillows, laying them In .
bsshtub, scrubbing them with a scrub
hing brush dipped in solution of two
t2ble-spoonfuls of ammonia TO half q
pail of warm water and rinse them thor
Oughly. Lay them out on the grass to
dry, turning them frequently, and at
the last pin them to the line for num-
Ser of days, and, when quite dry, beat
E1em with rod. This is to disentangle
aud tighten the feathers
THE fine polish given stoves by those
skilled in the art is produced as tollOWs:
Have a thin mixture of black Varnish
aud turpentine apply this With a paint
or varnish brush to q portion Of the
stove, then with a cloth dust this over
with pulverized British iuster or stove
polish then rub with dry brush. Ths
stove must be perfectly cold. The stove
dealers buy the pulverized stove polish,
which is carburet of iron, In twenty-five
pound packages. z The process conduct
ed in this manner is quite brief, but
gives beautiful results. ft.. rraI.
In order to preserve the hands soft
and white, they should always be washed
in warm water, with fine soap, and care
fully dried with moderately
towel, being wen ribbed every time 10
insure brisk circulation, than which
nothing can be more effecbual in pro-
noting a transparent and soft surface.
If engaged IA any accidental pursuit
which may hurt the color Of the bends,
or if they have been exposed TO the sun,
a little lemon juice will restore their
Wilderness tor the time, and lemon soap
is proper to wash them with. Almond
paste is of essential service in preserving
the delicacy of the hands. The follow.
ing is a seryiceable pomade for rubbing
the hands on retiring to rest Take two
ounces OF sweet almonds beat with
three drachms of white wax and three
drachms of spermaceh put up carefully
In rose-water. Gloves should be always
worn on exposure to the atmosphere.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19
A Cool Detective.

As q rule, highwaymen in the mining
States seldom operate upon a stage
coach with "U. 8. M" ON it. They
know that these initials stand for the
United States Mail, and are pledge
that the whole power of the Government
viii be used to capture them.
The detectives in the Government
service are quiet men, courteous in man
ner and gentle in speech. Mr.. Hayes
tells, in his book ON 90 New Colorado, "
Of one whom he met, who wore gold
speetacles, and looked like a German
professor. Yet this man alone took two
Kal robbers from the North to Texas.
At one place their friends planned q
rescue. Hequietly informed his prison
ers that, while their friends could IN
aeubtedly kill him, they might be sure
6lat the first motion would send both of
khem into eternity. Not man In the
crowd moved finger. st.t.t.. a.
On one occasion, a celebrSt0d detect
i've was ON a stage which was attacked
hy two masked men. The first he knew
was that two reTolvers were thrust In the
eaaoh's windows, with tho command,
Hands up, gentlemen
The highwaymen chad the drop On
fhe passengers, which, in their vocabu.
larry, meant the certainty of their being
able to kill sbefore being harmed them
selves. To his disgust, the detective
mas compelled to give up his watch and
money.
As the robbers left, he put his hand
down in the boot, and to his delight
IS touched carbine. Asking the driver
70 go on little farther, and then stop
and wait for him, he went back alone.
The two men, unsuspiciouS Of danger,
were divEying up" the spoils, IN the
middle OF the road. This was Just what
the detective had calculated on.
Now, you scoundrels, it's my turn"
Ne shouted, covering them by the re-
peatiug cnrbina. "Tbrow up yOlLr
hands, or III shoot. So -,i-
The robbers, at his command, stepped
sne side, holding up their hands, while
be picked up their reyolYers. It was
NOT many minutes before the astonished
passengers saw the two highwaymen
meakly walking down the road, with the
sool detective following. They were
taken in the coach and finally lodged IN
Jail
The hero was Gen. Charles Adams, |
who subsequently, went alone among the !
uses and secured ths release OF the |
Eomea esPsiYeS FROM the White River |
Agency. - IS
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19

II was night The sable goddess
stretched her leaden scopter over the ID
had placed bis arm around her graceful
waist, and drew her closer 10 hia throb-
bling breast 70 protect her from The fall
ing dews Of heaven. Her head was rest
ing on his strong, manly shoulder, and
the love-hght was shining IN her lustrUus
eyes a. bright a. the headlight Of To-
connective. He looked her earnestly In
the eyes, and passionatoly murmured,
"Jemima, Is your folks had mess a
spring peas YETI
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19
Unanimous Adoption Of Text
Books I'm
Cooke County, Tennessee.

eosEYs CREEK, CocER CO TINY., July ~, 81.
To the hcaOol Directors Of Cooke County:
GKETLEHEE: have examined the New Ansri-
ctn Series Of School Books published BY ]. II.
BVtleE Co, Philadelphia, and hereby heartily
Recommend them for uFs in pubic schools.
One main obstacle ia the way Of the success Of our
public schools is tina want Of uniformity In books
Every teacher wants 10 hss different books and
the patrons have ~ mRSy ossaa 70 buy books thsy
de- not need. Many Of the counties in the State
have adopted the publications Of J. II. Butler 4
Co, and whom the remaining counties follow
there will be no necessity 20 buy now books whsh
. man moves from one county 10 another. Hop
ing you will express your lpprova! Of these books
In the Interest Of our public schools, remain.
Very truly, your humhls Servant,
JOHN r. SHUTS,
County Bupt Schools
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.

'AAA< v AAAfAIAAfDAAA@NAA III DGlOAtAs
- Directors Of Coeks county, Tennessee, here
by adopt fer use IN tho pubic schools ths School
Books published by J H. Butler 4 Co., PhHadsl-
phia, for which John W Paulott, u Knoxville, is
Agent.
These books are recommended for exclusive use,
with the understanding that they arc 10 b. sup
Piled TO our people 1T introductory prices.
I'D GUQDSOUGH, RARkGAH
JR HARDWOOD, ADAwBON.
GEORGE MEAS, TILG. BLAZER,
MICHAEL WINTERS, JOS. A. BRREDKN,
GEO MEAS, ESQ, ALKX. FOWLER.
NJ RODGERS, NEWTON GRAY,
SMITH, CMoNABB.
WI MORRIS. JAS. OTTINGKK,
sA BURNRrT, IA ROBERTS,
d EISENHOWER. WA WOOD,
Nv PEERMAN, VIM NASTOOTH,
CP MURRELL, AC FAUBION,
I'D A HARPER, d sPROUsE,
JAS McMAHAN, n VALENTINE.
d SHOEMAKER, JM SUTTON,
DID Raglan. VIC BROWN,
GILBERT, IRA BALL.
WILLIAM DUNN.
July, 1871.
The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-19
MoRnrsrors. TEsx.. Aug. I. 1881

To the School Directors Of Hamblen County:
GENTLEMEN: The undersigned, principals o.
MorristOwn Female High school, would respect
fully state 10 you that thsy are now using, aud
have for some time used, lHtehelrs Biographies,
New American Readers and Arithmetic. Spoilers
and Buffers History OF the United States.
We find all these books cheap, well graded and
admirably adapted to use in the school room.
In our opinion, the adoption Of all these books
in our public schools would net only secure uni
formity, but promote economy, results much to
DO desired by all who have educational interests
ut heart SUMMERS & MILLER.