Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-09-07
SOMETHING

The present style oil ladles evening
dress is the low and behold style.
Why Is a Zulu belle like q prophet o
old? Because she has not much oD'el
in her own country.
A swell matter: When Henderson
said he was at his wits end Fogg re
marked that it wouldn't take him long 10
get back.
An Indiana idol" was recently pillow.
ed up in Woodbury., and they don't
know whether it is q god or a devil. II
it has a handle on and holds about two
gallons
Irate sportsman: Confound it! you've
shot the dog! 1 thought you told me
you could hold a gun? Pat: Shure, and
50 l can. your honor. It's the shot, sor,
I couldn't hOuld!
The papers tell Of 8 courtship and
marriage brought about by q note writ
ten on an egg shell. 1t is the most eggs
~traordinary affair. The two hearts are
now yolksd together.
A tortoise caught at Coney Island
bore upon its back the inscription Susan
B. A., July 7, l70l." 1t was doubtless
the work of some practical joker. Sue
is not that old by at least a dozen years.
A minister had preached an hour;
then he remarked, "Another wide field
opens from the subject in another direc-
ton" Just then ali old ce,ored saint
calculated, please, Lord, shut up de
bars"
The bride was led mp the broad aisle.
Got up In the most killing staisle,
When asked II she'd be
A true wife IN he
She promptly replied: ~ should srnaisle."
The degree of d. ID. has been con-
terred OH the general baggage agent OF
the Central Pacific. This degree is every
day conferred on baggage agents, but
two small DIS are considered sufficient
to express the idea
Love making under difficulties: An
axagoras Jones (bawling into the ear
trumpet Of his stone deaf beloved
Arabella)-"My angel darling, | adore
you. Will you be mine forever" Ara
bella Smith-"Louder PUCK.
This is what an "irreverent ribald'
said to his lsndlady last week: You
are the most economical woman / ever
met. / believe you could board a ship,
now, without laying in an extra stock OF
provisions"
Scene: Bridal reception. Several OF
the guests, after shaking hands with
the bride, and all speaking at the same
time: Where is the bridegroom"
Bride, naively: "Oh, he's upstairs
watching the wedding presents"
MARY" he asked, "why am 1 like
butter?" He expected her To say that
it was because he was the genuine
article, and he was completely crushed
when she promptly replied: why, L
guess it's because the hotter it gets the
softer you act"
Count Ramshackle, Of Berlin, is at
Lake George. "Vy you call the waiter
Lake Shorge2" he asked a little boy.
Its after George Washington" said the
lad. 80! der mudder init his country!
Veil, dot American patriotism vas gust
do beautiful, anyhow"
A southern paper knows a colored
sister who got 81 much 'ligion at a
revival not long since, that she jumped
up and shouted 'Whoop! | feel as big
as a fodder stack Use cheated de debble
out'en my soul as slick a. a possum's
tail. Glory, honor and salvation
A Newport girl went to Europe last
rear and married a title. This wear she
again presides at her fathers mansion,
while her husband, who gambled away
her diamonds at Monte Carlo, studies
Pacific coast life from a Oobtail street
car. which he drives in San Francisco.
"You make me think" John Williams
said, dropping on a cola beside a pretty
girl, last Sunday evening, OF a bank
wherein the wild thyme grows" do
?" she murmured; it is so nice, but
that is pas step in the hall, and unless
YOU can drop out of the front window
before | cease speaking, you'll have a
Wild time with him, my own, for he
loves Won not" His descent was rapid.