The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-10-29

Can stand treat some other DAY;
But he who treats, and then re treats
Is yictimized by bar.room beats.
oil city Derrick.
Emerson says: "a man passes for what he is
worth" No he doesn't; he passes for the sake
OF getting Il new trump.-Lo'NH Courier.
A Sunday school boy, upon being asked what
made the tower of Pisa lean, replied: because
Of The famine in the land"
ooh, why should the spirit Of mortal be proud"
Or take ia its strength such boastful delight:
single bald hornet can scatter crowd
And a wasp that means business eau put 1t to
flight.
Some mea are always actuated by good mo-
tiyes When they run to a dog fight ii is To see
il they can't do something to stop the combat.
But they never can.-B0stOn Post.
A fashionable young lady accidentally dropped
one of her false eyebrows in her opera box, and
greatly frightened her beau, who, on seeing it,
thought 1t was his moustache.
1t Is a criminal oilense in Portland, Me-, to sell
glass Of wine, spirits, ale, or even cider. Last
week there were II arrests made in Portland and
of that number 81 were for drunkenness.
In some states the evidence of man who
habituBlly goes fishing twice a year will not be
received in the courts. The reason for this bit Of
Judicial wisdom Is obvious. BurlingtOn Uatrkeye.
Murdcrcrs often "hang in brcathlcss suspense "
--DrirOu Fire Press. Then times have changed
out your way. They used to he riding around in
carriages junketing, and having good time
Boston Post.
party of lynchers after hanging robber at
Socorro New Mexico, discovered that two OF
their number were mounted on stolen horses.
An immediate trial resulted in conviction, and
two more bodies were quickly suspended,
W A. CroGut was shocked at the nudity which
he saw in Naples, aud he Is a newspaper man
who always had free passes to every variety show
that came along. II must be awful over there
Detroit FIRE Press.
The spondent who wrote from Saratoga
that "Miss A. has the dain,est feet Of any belle
here" had TO leave town suddenly when the pa
per arrived with The aupcrlatiye adjective chang
cd to 'dirtiest."
Two thousand doctors propose to meet togeth
or and discuss medical subjects. The benefits
thai will result from this cannot be estimated
While the doctors are In convention everybody
will get wel.-BoStoH GloJr
"Eloquentw said the Denver man Of his favor
tie clergyman, eloquent, why he's the mos
eloquent man in America He can hold his con
gregaton in their seats with a iirst-class dog
6gh. in progress outside. "--B0Ston Post.
said Master Jones, "Now must We 70
without delay to the dce.p pot"
Laughed sweet Miss Jones, ~ should say so
Let's start at once TO the day-pot'
Smiled Mrs Jones, "In quick step, oh,
Well all run down to the depot"
Dreamed Mr.. Jones, "It's mighty hot
To drive you all to the dee-pot."
These conflicts OF pronunciation
Would not be If they'd call it station"
-Noristowi Hcrdh.
When II rains all the week you may know tina
there is a fair going on somewhere. There |
nothing, unless 1t is picnic that will bring rail-
like q fair and we sometimes wonder, in time o
drought, why the farmers do not get up II count
or state fair.-PcckS Sun
Peanut hirtation Breaking the shell gently
am mashed on you. Crushing II sayagely-
Why will you break my heart? Slipping the shell
into the pocket-We must be secret. Throwing
it away-iOu are fired out Swallowing the pea
nut whOle-Im yours alone. Eating mnciugly-
Go SOW. Tossing 1t up and catching it dexter
ou-y in the mouth Some other evening Gin
r,hHlt Saturday Night.
THE lurld flames shot their red tongues Of fir
NJ toward the glowing heavens, as If they were
in their vcngcful fury, endeavoring to scar tn
BRIGHT faces OF the twinkng stars" 1t was OF
Is = tydullar stable, containing twenty fly
wav and really couldn't help it.-htroh FIR
Fr,ss
Trust woman for being sharp-always. tn
treasury department recently received from Oh
ca package of coupon bonds with the nun
Der cut out. The explanation was furnished /
letter from New York, in which a gentlema
stated that he ordered his wife to forward IL
bonds from Chicago and srud him the number
Win pair Of shears she followed his nstru
tion' 10 the letter.
There IS danger ahead for the Indian of Il
plans. That is, unless their parents do not cate
Fra kle Mather, Wilsey Small and George Lac
Of Snelbyyille, Indiana. These children after
REGULAR course in Indian stories and border warn
boarded Il west bound freight train and start,
for he prairles TO slaughter aborigines. II is
b. hoped that these Indian extermlnators will
caught before they do harm. Being caugh
thry should be spanked.
SOME REVISED SPELLING.
wealthy young painter in Guinea
Was engaged to a lady named Muinea;
As they walked down the aisle
lie remarked 81 should smaisle
Blu. feel most decidedly skuinea"
dashing young captain Of Norwich,
When sent round the country TO forwich
Returned 10 his corps,
And remarked what borpsl
can find not thing but cold porwich"'
d coroner out at Dubuque
Found a man In suspense from a huaue;
lie looked at his tongue
And the verdict was-"Hongue."
md they buried him down BY the bruque
noble and fiery Glaour
Once built for his lady biaour;
And when Il was done,
Intent on some fone,
They stayed in It nearly an hlaour.