Daily Republican., 1881-02-10

| o'o "S"Ab' oA III LO DUO
lsgent."
"Ter teyfuls A dentist, preakip
der peoples jaw at a dollar . sohnac
and runnin' of NIT daughter :"
mo, sir; am no tooth. puller."
"Phenologus, dan, feelin' der youp
folks head like so many cabbitch ?"
"No; | am no phreDologist."
well, den, vat ter teyfels can yo
be ? Choost tell; you shall have tb
best sassage for supper, and shday al
night, free gratis, mitout cent, and
chill of hisky to start out NIT in de
mornin'."
81 am an humble disciple OF Faust
fa professor OF the art that preserves al
srts-a tyrograpber, at your service.
"Votsch dot ?"
"a printer, sir;a man that print
books and newspapers"
"a man vat printsch noosepapsrs
Oh, ySw, ysw ay, dat ish it. A ma,
vat prtntsch noosepapers Yaw yaw
Walk mp! A mao vat print5ch moose
papetS =
"Yes, sir"
~ wish may 10 shot il | did no
lux You was a poor teyfll Of a dish
trick schoolmaster who works for nod
ding aud boards round. Thought 70,
vas him"
A ooNsUMPrIvE looking man, lam
and ieehle, and carry ing a pint sottl
full of something, halted a pedestrian
in the street the other day, and said
81 found this bottle in the corns
there, and | wish you'd tell me whats
in it," The other took 1t, removed th,
cork and snutfsd in a full breath. Tn.
next instant he staggered against the
wall, chawing the air and choking and
gssping, and 1t was a full minute be.
fore he blurted ont "Why, you idiot,
that's hsrtsborn !" "Well, | am ps,
fec'ly willing TO take your word for il
without extra insults" observed the
invalid, in an injured voice. He took
his bottle and walked of like a man
who had been abused without the leas;
excuse.
A MAN came into an editors rosm
With large roll of manuscript uudeI
his arm, and said very politely, 81
have 3 tritl5 hero about the beautiful
sunset yesterday, which was dashed Of
by -risrd Of mine, which | would like
inserted il you nave room." "PleLty
of roem. Just insert i: yourself" re-
piled the editor gently pushing the
waste basket toward him.
Nor FoEGErFUL.-A fve.yeGr-old
daughter o! one Of our city meu Cb-
served to him in the presence OF com
pany at r"skiast, "You mnen't 90 cf
without Ai-sing Iae, papa" l never
forget To DO j, do p he asked sur.
Prised. "Iou may hot forget it, but
cometime3 yol 60 off angry, you know ,"
she art!esrly replied. The company
consulted their coffee.
AT theatre in DuDlIn gentleman
requested man in front of him to sit
down, adding, sarolstically, 81 sup.
pose you are aware, sir. that you ere
not opaque" 81 shall sit down when
It suits me. was the response; "aud if
you want to handle my name, mind it's
not Opaque at all, but 0 Brien."
A LADY, regular shopper, who had
made an unfortunate clerk tumble over
Ill the stockings in the store, objected
hat none we're long enough. ~ want"
he said, "the longest hose that are
made" "Then, madam" was the re.
'ly, "you had better apply at the next
'ngine house"
AN honest ignoramus, who had ac-
an act of heI oism, was 90 m
,limentsd for his bravery. One lady
aid : 81 wish | could have seen your
eet." Whereupon he blushed and
and finally producing his
'ed&l extremities said, "Nell, there
hey be, num-"
AN impecunious fortune-hunter hav-
ng been accepted by an heiress, at the
'eddiDg, when that portion of the Ger
mony was reached where the bride
room says, "With all the worldly
oods thee endow," aspitefnl relative
the bride exclaimed, "Thsre goes
is vallse."
"DAzLING," she whispered, as he
ent his ears back to catch her tender
ccents, won't you please 60 buy
1me Of that elegant lace in Mr.. Msth-
VS. window for me 7" eyes, my
wnest," he murmured. He went by
all, and never stopped-the unfeel-
lg wretch
A TEXAS man whose vicious son had
cen sent to the psni:entiary, was CON.
ratulating himself that the boy would
3 Taught trade, and learn to become
useful citiz4u, when his hopes were
lshed to earth by the Governors par
ming the young soGpegrsce on So
unit of his youth and inexperience.
A GROCER. who had excited the ire of =
e Of his customers by presenting at a
s house 8 bill for goods rendered, was 4
aited on soon after by daughter OF
8 debtor, who said, 81 wish you
,uldn't come with that bill when
pas at home, it makes him nervous
be dunned."
They we're sitting together Sunday
ening, with an album or two between
en-, when she pleasantly asked
low would you like to have myI
'tber live with you 7" In just ff.
IN seconds he had his hat half way
er his face, and was boiling through = =
. gate. tr t
A scorcH boy had delivered q mes yt
20 to a lady, but did not seem in a ie
rry to 60. Being asked If there was =
ything else that his mother bade him n
=, Jock whimpered out, "Shs said / 4
sn't to seek anything for comm, but a,
70 gisd met, was to taxi H." u