Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1881-01-24
FUN AT A FUNERAL.

At the republican jollifcation in Cla-
rinda, Iowa, Mr.. L. B. Coke, a young
democrat of Page county, was observed
in the audience, and being dragged out,
delivered himself as follows:
Felloao Citizens "A man usually at
tends his own funeral, but it is not expect
ed that he should talk great deal. 1
knew the funeral ceremonies would go on
without me, so 1 concluded would bring
in the body. Laughter.] But it takes
great deal of grace to sustain man who
helps furnish the corpse for an occasion
like this. Laughter.] Nobody but a
democrat has had a chance to try it for
the last twenty years. disappointment
is the modern democratic birthright, and
mourning his normal condition; they took
out patent on disaster twenty years ago
and it has never been infringed. The
patent run out in 1876, and they have just
got it renewed. Loud applause Look
ing over the landscape of the last twenty
y
hopes, cords and cords of disgruntled am
| bitions, barrels and barrels of unavailing
tears, oceans and oceans strewn with the
wreck of phantom ships once burdened
with democratic delusion. DisappOint-
ment is an anchor to the democratic soul,
both sure and steadfast. Continued ap-
plause. -
Leaves have one time to fall .t
| And flowers to wither at the north winds breath,
And stars to set; but all, o. democrati
Thou hast all times for thine own death.
I might say with Shylock, sufferance,
yea, safer-ance is the badge of our tribe.
I could give you 329 reasons for that. A
lawyer offered judge sixteen reasons
why his client was not in court: First,
he was dead. The judge told him he
might omit the other fifteen. The first
reason of my 329 is we lacked the voters.
! Laughter. You will allow me to omit
the other 32S. But could give you 329
reasons. Yes, Morey letter. John Kelley
did it with his little racket. Wade Hamp-
toms mule broke his leg instead of his
neck, and Ben Hill wasn't born a mute.
| English had foreclosed his mortgages and
we couldn't redeem. Then
'Tfs the South that can supply
Solid comforts when die.
Loud laughter. In some states the
greenback party fell through crack in
their platform and crippled US. But de.
mocracy still lives. It's like the mule, il
never dies. But, unfortunately, like the
mule, while it lives it is forever throwing
its riders. [Applause. 1t bucked
Greeley off and kicked him in 1872. Til
den stuck on till he passed under the
wire, but there was so much daylight be
tween him and this democratic quadrupeG
the Judges counted him off, although he
had his feet in the stirrups. This yeal
we got splendid send off and might have
won, but the donkey was stricken down
in Indiana with (g)Landers. We close
this chapter of history with the hope the
the story will not be continued in oul
next. We accept defeat the more cheer
fully because of the magnanimouS manner
with which you take the victory. We
take it every four years. 1t is standing
prescription. 1t might well be called the
quadrennial ipecac. 1t works up before
election and works down as the return:
come in. We thank you for the unani
nous way in which you have turned ou
to our funeral. We congratulate you OF
the magnificent and imposing grandeur o
the obsequies. Loud and continued
applause.