Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1881-07-27
MARK TWAIN ON THE COMET
TUE HARTFORD ASTRONOMER GLOOMY
VIEW OF THE SITUATION.

! A letter from Hartford TO the New
York Sun says Desiring TO get the
opinion of that celebrated amateur
astronomer, Mr.. Samuel Longhorne
Clemens, on the new comet, visited
his house this morning Just before day.
break. HIS passionate fondnoss for
observing celestial phenomena is we'll
known. was confident that | should
find him at his telescope in the turret
that caps tho northeast corner of his
extraordinary mansion. A few well
directed pebbles brought him to the
window. "Hello" said he. "Come
up but don't wake the baby. Mind
the sixth stair on the second fight
it creaks Hades of falsetto." So
saying, he let down his door key at the
end of string.
When reached the turrct my friend
was no longer inside. He was sitting
in an open scuttle leading to the root,
smoking cigar. His faceIhad hag.
gard look, and his long legs hung list
lessly through the scuttle.way. "You
look tired, MARI" said |, "Have you
been at il all night?"
"All night ?" said he. "This makes
the fourth consecutive night that |
haven't closed an eye. It's wearing
on me. This constant responsibility,
is undermining my constitution. My
sense OF duty is as strong as the next
mans, but sometimes / feel like letting
go my grip even if the condemned
planet slides into the revised version
OF birthstone. All night? Good night
Some other night /"
Well, said |, "theres no occasion
for anger. Nobody compels you to sit
up here in the malarious morning at
mosphere and early dew"
He mastered his wrath and gazed
down upon me with an expression of
melancholy pity.
"The tail of that comet" said be, is,
according to my calculations, trihe
over 100000 miles long yet it
wouldn't reach more than a quarter
way through the skulls of some peo.
pie that ! know. The reckless ignor.
ance of mankind amazes me more and
more the older | grow. Why don't |
60 to bed? Yetit would be perfectly |
easy and natural thing to 90 to bed, !
wouldn't it now Perhaps had better |
go to bed" And he laughed derisiyely. |
What in the name OF common sense
are you driving at Clemens p / de.
"Oh, nothing at all, Nothing ex.
cept that while the mad revelry Of the
world goes on below, and the multi.
tude pursues its wonted avocations
precisely " as though universal catas-
trophe was not imminent, ono solitary
watcher sits up here in his lonely tower,
danger and mourning great
fatigue for the sake of his infatuated
beings. There have been ex-
lmples of such devotion to duty in
history, but they are rare, and it has
always been left to posterity to rec
1gnlze them. At the present moment
fill the post Of lookout to the planet,
young man. You'll find set down in
The census the exact number OF fellow
citizens whose existence depends upon
my vigilance. That's all I'm driving
ltw
~ always knew your philanthropy,
Mark. Yet ] must say that this last
undertaking surprises me-
He Immediately became affable and
wen confidential. There isa good deal
If the christian spirit of self. denial in
t, isn't there, now2 You see, they
ire all wrong about the tail. I've
,iphered on that tail until Il understand
very inch of it. It's absurd to sup
,ose that the tail ism 'tsolid, and pretty
.ough, too. Do you imagine that this
'omet could go bulglng through space
It the rate of two hundred miles a
minute without knocking spots out OF
! tail that was vapor? Tie log bank
IN to the rear end Of the New York
md Boston 4 o'clock express, start her
,ff at even forty miles an hour, and
eo how long your fog bank will travel
n company with your locomotive.
Yet they ask US TO swallow this in
ernal nonsense about tho comet tail
Wy observations convinces me that
comets tails are of tough and fbrous
nature, like Hartford beeisteaks.
The conclusion forced on the cores.
,ondent was that it was a simple case
If being up all night.