Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1881-02-03
HUMOROUS.

Thel ap OF luxury" 10 wnen tne cat
| gets st the cream
Goes against the grain-The reaping
machine Kdrc0b Strauss.
Out of every l0) inhabitants in the
United States, sixteen live in cities.
The man who has gathered big ice
crop wants TO keep it shady. -PScaya1se.
| He sighed for the wings of dove,
but had no idea that the legs were much
better eating.
we would rather hire a mule than
own one on the principle, "Oftwo evils
choose the leased. p Boston Post.
When I de-" said married man,
s. l want to go where there is no snow
to shovel" His wife said that she pre-
sumed he would.
Ohio papers are discussing why quail
freeze to death. 1t is simply because
they can't afford to pay 81 a ton for
COAL PHILADELPHIA Chronicle.
Those who believe that the world
owes them a living don't stop TO con-
slider how many bad debts the old globe
has to shoulder. - Saturday Night.
A middle-sized boy, writing com
position on Extremes, remarked that
1--WE should endeavor to avoid extremes,
especially those of wasps and bees.
An Eastern scientific journal has an
article on Heating by Friction" III
memory serves us correctly, our mother
used to warm us up that way.-Mc-
Greg0r Nes0S.
Aivertising is q good deal ike fishing
LIE more lines YOU throw out the more
YOU are apt to catch. But be judiciOus;
do not throw out bait that cannot be
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS..
"What happy hours, sweet, Ispend,"
He sighs s'alone with thee"
dts all, she says, t'yo1 ever spend
"Good evening" says he.
A party Of l50 Chicago lawyers, gam
blers, board of trade men and shoulder
hitters, went out to Crystal lake to wit
ness fight between a couple OF roosters-
No disgrace, however, is attached to the
rOOsters MiLGgGnkee Sun.
a question Of identity: Did the
prisoner at the bar strike youa" Eye
think 90" replied the man with the
decorated optic. Eye see,p smiled
the Justice; :. eye-dent ity established;
three dollars and trimmings -"-keOkEt
Gats City.
A youngster. while warming his
| hands ut the ire, was demonstrated
| with by his father. who said: "Go
away from the fire-tHe Gather is not
cold. " ain't heating the weather
| I'm warming ny hands, The little fell
low demurely replied.
ssIn the hour OF danger woman thinks
| least of herself" sal1 Madame StaeI.
True! When the thunder rOars aud the
/ vivid lightning flashes, and the big
drops come down, the woman who is
eau zht out in the storm devotes her
agony to the thought that her hat and
die will be ruined.
An editor may write himself 1--WE" in
| his editorials, and feel therefore dOubly
proud and doubly strong; but when he
| gets home to dinner an hour or so late,
and forgets to bring something home to
make tllst dinner, lie doesn't feel any
larger than One-fourth of enc person
Kert.scky State Journal.
A prulelt and iar-seeing mother
married her TWO daughters some years
ago to q plumber ana an lceman, and
now, no matter whether there is mild
winter or a severe one, she has box at
the charity bali, and spends the next
summel at Newport or goes to Europe,
with some ore or the other Of her sons
| Iin-ldT.-NeW koTE Cntc.
"George Peabody says New York
paper, was never married, and tor D
singular reason.n Then it goes on at
some length to give the reason, because
| the girl married another man. And we
have read that article dozen times and
have pondered over it deeply, and
hanged il We can see yet why that
should be called "a singular reason"
We think it was 9 very sensible, matter
OF fact reason. - BEFdstte-
A tramp was being escorted down
| Galveston avenue by cne OF the most
| stylish policemen on the force. Il hate
TO walk along arm-in arm with q
policeman" said the tramp. You
ought to be used to it by this time, re-
Died the policeman. Il can't get used
10 hearing people on the streets say,
! Just look at that vagabondP when
know they must mean one Of u.s.
GdlUeSt01 NesCs.
They both went sailing down the walk,
Arrayed in iaultless gearing,
| Both engaged in pleasant talk,
Each smiled on each endearing.
| He said: q My love, this blithesome day,
This bracing, glorious weather,
This charming walk-Whoopl stop 'er-say
They both went down together.
| They picked them up, small boys ki-yi-ed,
When she resumed with 1ippery:
e Dear -orge, [ think il is not denied,
These charming walks are slippery"
! A curious dispatch announces the
marriage OF the Crown Prince Rudolf,
of Austria, and the Princess Stephanie,
s. has been further postponed, ewing TO
the inclemencv of the weather" We
suspect it was deferred at the instance
of the princess. With snow two feet
deep, and the thermome below zero,
it is pretty tough on woman, who has
had no previous experience, to be
Obliged to get up first In the morning
and make the fires, sieve coal ashes, and
perhaps wade through the snow in the
back yard to get an armful of Endlings.
Miss SIephanie does well to wait until
the weather moderates.- -NOTTtstoU5s
Herald.