davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The river press., 1881-04-27

terranean, and would have cast anchor in
smooth broad bays, away from the eyes Of
prying quidnuncs, reporters, and Of those
worshipers Of crowned heads who render
sovereigns miserable by their fulsome adora-
tion A villa had been hired at Cannes for
the wife and her children. But the Queen
Of Wurtemburg, who is q precise journalistic
and intensely proud woman, had gone to
stay there Her imperial brother could not
bear the idea of the Princess Dolgorouki be-
ing her almost next-door neighbor in little
gossiping place. He could have dictated
to his brothers and children the ceremonial
he wished them to observe toward the lady
whom he loved and wished to honor, but he
had no means of compelling a sister who is
the wife of a German sovereign to yield to
his behests in this matter. So the villa which
had been hired so early as last October re-
mains tenantless.
The river press., 1881-04-27
Garfield In Paris.

Did | ever tell you of the manner in viii
we received the news of Mr. Garfeld's cleo
ton? The American students were divided
on the political issue, with the majority in
favor of the Republican candidate. The
morning the news was cabled that Garfield
was elected. the Republican boys rendered
hot punch to the Democrats. The punch
was brought in steaming hot and placed
on the table upon which posed the model.
One OF the Americans, advancing, handed a
glass to her. She smiled, bowed, and ac-
cepted it. Then turning around he invited
the whole school to come forward and drink
10 the health Of the President elect. For
moment art was forgotten the palette and
brush laid aside as every man rose to accept
the challenge. Perhaps Of all the French
men present hardly half dozen knew whom
they were called upon to toast /; it was suf-
fcient for them that the Americans had in
Vited them to drink. They admire the sister
republic; they admire the Americans, and,
moreover, they love punch, and so they
drank. a stranger would have imagined
that we were toasting some fair goddess, for
there stood the model On the platform, cloth
ed in the costume Of Mother Eve, noncha-
lantly slipping her punch and nibbling 4 bis
cult, while all around her, glasses il hand,
were the students, exchanging compliments
The river press., 1881-04-27
A Paris Fancy.

A peasant ball is one of the fancies Of
fashionable Paris. No expense is spared to
give it the proper rustic coloring. All the
elegant Partisan furniture is cleared away to
give place to deal benches, three-legged stools
and the like; the walls are hung with ever
green garlands and streaners, and in the cen
tre the hostess, in all her village bravery,
stands receiving her guests, supported BY .
knot Of country officials mayor and
municipal council. Everything is in keeping
even the beer and cider, which hide the
champagne. on the rustic refreshment stall,
and the accessories Of the inevitable cotllion.
After the dance there IS 9 supper, at which
distinguish poets, artists, dramatists, and Ct
villains are gathered together and make brief
and funny speeches The health Of the host
ess Is duly proposed anl she returns thanks
III the traditional style
The river press., 1881-04-27
a Bad Blsansaer.

At a church soeiable some time ago a theo-
logical student was detailed to assist yonng
lady, whom he had long admired from afar,
in making out q new Sabbath-school library
catalogue.
The prospective minister found the task
by no means an unpleasant one, as the charm
ing young creature read him the title of each
book from the title-page, while he delight
edly copied it into the catalogue before him.
In fact there fitted through the mind of this
sedate and rather bashful youth several
times the question whether the aforesaid
maiden, with her pretty figure and bright
eyes, could not be induced to become the
sssharer of his labors and tolls"
II believe would ask her tonight if
only dared" thought the young man. s'But
I don't dare, so there's the end Of it" And
with gloomier face than before be contin-
ued his work, calling out ssNext book? 2" al
most as mechanically as fast as he had trans
cribed the former title. He was aroused from
his reverie by the following rejoinder to one
of his demands for s'next book
"Why don't you do it?
He started as though the girl had been
reading his thoughts.
"Do what % he inquired by way of draw
ing her out. But the young lady replied not
word. To gain time he again said:
"Next book?"
s'No time like the present, said the maid
en-, with an encouraging snile.
Il see it is Of no Use to hide my thoughts
from you, Miss M., y he said, struggling with
his embarrassment. ssYour last remarks
have shown me how perfectly you realize
my state Of mind. I will, therefore, follow
your advice and embrace the present oppor-
tunity Of asking you whether you are willing
to accept me as your partner for life. Your
answer, am confident from from these re-
marks, will be affirmative
Il was the young ladys turn to be embar-
assed.
ITO what remarks do you refer?' she
said.
10 the the sentences in which you so
delicately blended words Of advice and en-
couragement on this most important of sub
jects, when you said why don't you do It 2
and No time like the present.
The girl looked puzzled for moment, and
then burst into merry laugh. "Why, those
were the titles Of the books you called for
Well, yov have got yourself into pretty
fix, and she laughed at the discounted stu
dent maliciously.
ss1liss NJ, said the young man, springing
to his feet with sudden earnestness, Il beg
you will consider the words which I cannot
now recall. Be mine and shall be supreme
" happy. Refuse me and you will make me
miserable for life. Will you be mine?"
Eyes, yes; don't make such noise about
it or somebody will oyerhear you.
The river press., 1881-04-27
THE RIV ER PRESS.

and wishing President Garfield health and
prosperity. In fifteen minutes the whole
scene was changed. The model had resumed
her pose, the students were hard at work be-
hind their easels. Here and there thin
wreath Of smoke from . fragrant cigarette
indicated the votaries Of the weed, while the
silence was broken only by the half mechan-
ical humming Of some opera air, and save
for few punch stains and empty glasses
there was nothing to indicate that part of
the great American political drama had been
enacted in the Atilier Bounat
The river press., 1881-04-27
A LITTLE SARCASTIC.

Twas Harry who the silence broke:
'sMiss Kate, why are you like tree =
Because, because-I'm board" she spoke,
80, no; because you're wood" said he
tWhy are you like tree?' she said
II have a-heart?" he asked, so low,
Her answer made the young man red
because you're sappy, don't you know?"
"Once more" she asked, ''why are you now
tree?" he conldnt quite perceive.
"Trees leave sometimes and make bow,
And you may also bow-and leave.
The river press., 1881-04-27
Hs the Qneen OF Wuraennberg RespOn-
sable.
fPall Mall Gazette.

The Princess Dolgorouki dreaded foes in
the imperial household, and wanted to get
away from 81. Petersburg to Cannes with her
children. She knew that if she went there
Alexander would follow her, for latterly he
could not bear even temporary absence from
her. When she was ia the Crimea she in
duced her doctors to say she was threatened
with i galloping consumption. If the Iii
vadia had been the safe, and comfortable
floating palace which Admiral Popoff guar
anteed, the opportunity would not have
arisen for the Czra's enemies to assassinate
him. He would have gone ID il with bis
second family 70 make . tour il the hedi-
The river press., 1881-04-27
PIERIAN EXTRAVAGANZA.
rHE HEN AND THE AMERICAN HUMORIsT

THE HEN AND THE AMERICAN HUMORIsT.
An American humorist, CHANGING to en-
counter q hen, said to her: science teaches Us
that you contain, on an average, three hun
dred and eighty-two eggs; when you have
laid these, what becomes Of you" II am
usually decapitated and sold for spring
chicken" replied the truthful fowl, and she
added significantly, Il, alas! cannot lay the
same egg over again Or lecture
The river press., 1881-04-27

THE OYSTER AND THE FEMALE REFORMER.
A female reformer who had long iabored
in vain to obtain boards for her sex went to
an oyster and asked him why ne had beard
while millions of wives, mothers, and refor-
mers had not. "Because | stay at home,
mind my own business, and hold my tongue,
answered the sage shell-fsh in the deaf and
dumb alphabet.
The river press., 1881-04-27
Fftznoodie ON Telegraphic Consollda
tlOn.
IPllck.]

Ya-as, in England, ye know, when fel-
law wants to send telegWam he goes to the
nearwest office and gives it to the CT e k,
who is in weadiness to weceive it, pays aw a
shilling, and everything is all wight. The
message can 60 to any part Of GWeat Bwit-
ain, including Ireland, and if there are not
more than twenty words there is nothing
nav to aW expend.
To send q message to Parwis, or Wussia,
or Amerwica, perwhaps costs twifle in ex
cess of the shilling, according to the distance
acwoss the watah; but in Gweat Bwitain there
is no twouble at all, and uniform waite,
whethah it is six miles or a hundWed miles.
The whole arrangement is verwy easy to
undahstand, because all the telegwaphs are
the property of the Bwitish government who
bought them fwom the companies who
erWecled them. .=~
Although message does not always weach
its destination as quickly as it ought to, still
fellaw must be aW gWeat gWumblah to find
any verwy gweat fault with the mannah in
which the telegwaphs are worked in Engla nd
Jack thinks so, too; and dare say we are
both wight.
He-ah it is quite differwent There have
been seyerwal wival companies who charged
varWious Wates faW their messages, and are
verwy much like English wailWays SO fab as
wegards cutting one anothah' thWoat in tWy-
ing to CarWy NAV passengers luggage, pas
sengers, pwoduce, machinerWy and milk.
But aw, stwange to say, although there is
now pwactically but one solitarwy telegwaph
company throughout AmerWica, it is not the
pwoperty Of the government faw the benefit
Of its AmerWican subjects, but it belongs to
one man, who is Wich bWokah or stock
name, isn't it?-who contWives to secure all
the batterwies and electwic wires, and to get
all the shareholdahs to conseut TO his doing
this extraordinarily thing.
This aw Gould must be felaw with
verwy stWoDg powahs Of persuasion, or he
could not have carwied out what he, il such
an enterpwising mannah, undahtook.
The result is that fellaw cahn't send
telegwam anywhere without its being sub
jected to the supervision Of this man-that is,
if he were desirwous Of aw weading it.
Don't suppose he'd do it, but he could if he
Wantedto.
It is remarkable that the shareholdahs il
all these telegwaphs should have weadily
consented to surwendah their wight and
privileges to this aw Gould. I fancyl he
must be SO witch and cleyah, and they could
not verwy well help themselves
This man, by his poWah, is now verwy lit
tie wemoved fWom an autocwatic Wulah or
emperwah, and has weally gweat deal NAV
to say than many Eurwopean potentate.
1t is quee-ah, extremely quee-ah, that such
things should exist in wepublc wsich pwe-
tends to be bettah in everwy respect than any
othah description of government but if
man can, without any trouble, do like this
Gould, a wepublic appe-ahs to me to be a
vastly inferWi-ah kind of willing arWange-
ment to monarchy aW.
The river press., 1881-04-27
YE BETRAYED HUSBAND.

YE BETRAYED HUSBAND.
FYTTE YE rIRsTE.
Ye Husbande hasteneth homeWards,
Ne dothe he dreame of Harme;
He meetes on ye way an lsraellte,
Wythe Bundle 'neathe hys Arme.
FYTTE YE sECONDE,
Ie Husbande on ye mantel
Seetha China Sheepe.
Hys Wife saith not where she boughte
Bnt only that twas cheape.
FYTTE YE THIRD.
Anon he will seek in We closet.
Hys Pants. his second best pair.
And whenne he findelh them missing.
Lo, he will loudly sweare.
The river press., 1881-04-27
A WESTERN ODE.

am waiting III the wild wood with club,
III NEE. you twixt the cleaning and the dark ;
I'll hit you with my weapons biggest nub,
And knock you pretty much across the park,
A thousand shining stars you'll soon discover
And pyrotechnics till yon cannot rest
Oh! come and let me hit you for your mother,
MY tangle-headed poet Of the West.
The river press., 1881-04-27
.INGUA l. L'ANGELTERE.

sI'll split your ear wide open.'
.'Oh. cheese the racket, or I'll kick yer in
the neck.
.|l'll &C through yer quicker'n lightning !"
''.I'll drive yer a mile through the pave
ment."
'Ill kick yer 50 high yer clothes'll be two
years out of fashion when yer come down :"
''Shut yer trap, or I'll jump down yer
throat an turn hip-hap inside yer!'
''Oh. you sinner, or I'll cave in yer spine =
The river press., 1881-04-27

M AFTER TENNYSON-A LONG WAY.
Snake, Snake, Snake!
Snake in my boots-D. r.!
And would that my pen could write out
The menagerie see.
Oh. well for the barlleeper
That he mixes his drinks all day;
And well for the free lunch fend
That for gin he cannot pay.
And the stately snakes 60 on;
The tumbler they straightWay fill;
OH for the touch Of q vanished hand,
That the liquor would not spill.
Snake, snake, snake!
Snake in my boots, p. T.!
And the tender grace Of monkey red
For ever comes back to me!
The river press., 1881-04-27
MoDERN INsrANCEs OF MISE SAWS.

MODERN INSTANCES OF WISE SAWS.
Dime is money.
Leyity is the soul of wit.
Barking dogs never bite.N
Least said, soonest ended.
It is never too late to lecture.
At the end of life we are in death.
Gray toaks from little acrons grow.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.+
The longest poll takes the persimmonss
You can eat your cake-and halve it, too.
A nod is as good as wink to blind girl.
Don't halloa when you are out OF the
bush.*
Birds of feather flock together to keep
warns
In the multitude of councillors there is
satiety.fN
Where there is d will there is weigh
Half the world doesn't know how the 9th
er half lives, but it wants tot
You have no occasion to. oOf evidence. The
female half +Of some one else. Unless there is
returning board. They cant while they're barking.
+fThls has been doubted. I'll See Don Juan.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-09-18
IRO0UOIs AGAIN WINNER.

Carrying off the st. Leger Stakes At Dom
caster.
LONDON, September 14.-The race for the
st. Leger stake at the Doncaster September
meeting was won by Iroquois, with Geolo-
gist second, and Lucy Glitters third. Archer
rode Iroquois.
The betting Immediately before the start
was 100 to 80 against Iroquois, four to one
against Ishmael, and five to one against st.
Louis.
The weather was dull, but no rain. The
attendance was very large. Iroquois' VIC
chersswere enthusiastically cheered. Iro-
quois attracted much attention by his ex-
cellent style in the preliminary contest
An excellent start was effected at the first
attempt. Iroquois was the quickest away,
but Archer Immediately pulled him back.
Josyan then took the lead, attended by st.
Louis, Limestone, and Geologist, with Iro-
quois next. By the time the Rifle Butts
were reached, Falkirk had taken the lead,
Ishmael and lady Glitters having joined the
leading lot in front of Iroquois, who con-
tinued at the head of the second division
At the Red House, Falkirk succumbed to
Ishmael, Lucy Glitters second, with st.
Louis, Geologist, Scobeu, Limestone, and
Iroquois well up until half mile from
home. Here Limestone joined Ishmael,
and after another quarter mile had been
traversed the two leaders were beaten. Bal
Gal and St. Louis became distressed. Lucy
Glitters momentarily took the lead, but
before the distance pole was reached Iro-
quois came on in full running winning
easily by length. Geologist passed Lucy
Glitters in the last fifty yards. St. Louis
pulled up fonrth, followed by Ensibe, Ish-
mel, Fcrtissimo Limestone and Scobell, in
the order named. Lord Chelmsford, JOS
yam and Privatee were the last three, except
Voluptuary, which walked in.
The time of the race is three minutes and
twenty seconds. There was a three-quar-
tiers length between Geolegist and Lucy
Glitters.
Iroquois is the first American horse which
ever won the race, and the only horse which
ever won the 1000 guineas and the Derby.
After the race Iroquois became the second
favorite for the Cesarewitch stakes at New
Market, October II, at fourteen to one
against him, with twelve to one against
Geologist.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-09-18
Secretary Lincoln Calls on Han
cock,

Secretary Lincoln Calls on Han
cock.
New York, September l4.-Secre-
tary Lincoln paid a brief visit to
General Hancock, on Governors
Island. He went over at II clock
in the morning on the United States
revenue cutter, and having given an
intimation in advance of his coming,
General Hancock, accompanied by
all the members of his staff, and met
him at the wharf, and thence escort
ed him to his headquarters. The
proffer of a military salute was po-
litely declined by the secretary, who
said that his visit was more in the
nature of social call than an official
one. The secretary was shown over
the island, and with manifest plea
sure inspected the various fortihca-
tons.
At the end of two hours the sec
rotary returned to the city, express
ing himself aa greatly pleased with
his visit, which was, no doubt, en-
HANGED good deal by the fact that
this was his first visit to the island.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-09-18
INDUSTRIAL BOOM.
What Enterprising Capitalists Are Doing
for Tennessee.
Nashville American

What Enterprising Capitalists Are Doing
for Tennessee.
Nashville American.
At their meetia in this city, yesterday,
the Tennessee Coal, Iron and Railroad
Company took steps toward inaugurating
an enterprise which is destined to have h
most important influence upon the indus
trial future of this section of Tennessee.
They determined to commence the cree
lion of three large blast furnaces along the
line of the Nashville, Chattanooga and
st. Louis Railway. at least one of which
will probably be on or near the North
western Division.
This is the dawn of q new era in the de-
velopment of the coal and iron interests of
the State. These furnaces. with those at
Cowan, South Pittsburg. Chattanooga and
Rising Fawn will do more to bring capital
and population to this section than any,
thing that has been dons in that direction
for half century.
I3is q notable fact that the census re-
turns show that our increase in population
within the last ten years has been IN the
districts that are mining coal and making
iron.
The very liberal policy adopted by the
Nashville, Chattanooga and St. Louis
Railway in indorsing the bonds for these
enterprises will not only commend its own
ers to the people of the whole State, but
will be most profitable investment. The
increased revenue received from these
three furnaces will alone pay an annual
dividend of y per cent. upon the entire
capital stock Of the railroad company.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-09-18

The newspapers now have Ser
geant Mason's case in hands and are
industriously engaged in the settle
ment of the character Of punishment
that must be meted out to him for his
attempt upon the life of the Ma
tons ward, Charles j. Guiteau.
There is singularly wide difference
between the conservators of the
peace and dignity of the govern
ment as to what should be done
with him. If jury of journalists
is called to try him and fix the pun
ishment, it is probable that a verdict
viii not be reached. Some think he
should be turned over to the civil
authorities, while others say the
military must deal with him. As
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-09-18

there appears to be no necessity for
haste, the editors should have plenty
of time to settle the various ques-
tons.
SAMMY TnDEN is a tough one yet,
all the reports to the contrary not
withstanding. He goes on making
his preparations for life, as if he ex-
poets to live a thousand years. He
recently purchased property adjoin-
ing his Gramercy Park residence,
and has fitted up one of the most
gorgeous private libraries on the
continent. He has already a very
large and fine collection of books, to
which he has just added what cost
him an outlay of $4,000. He never
looks dressed, but it is said that he
spends $4,000 year to cover him
self decently. With fortune of
SIS, 100000, and no barrels on tap
he can afford to luxuriate.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-09-18

In discourse delivered in his
pulpit last Sabbath, DR.. Robert Col
var spoke earnestly and in strong
terms of the unreasonable practice
which prevails in some portions of
the country of carrying concealed
weapons. We do not believe that
the people generally realize or ap-
preciate the great amount of suffer
ing and distress that comes from this
senseless habit, Tennessee has good
law on this subject now, and we are
glad to know that it is being en-
forced, at least in this portion of the
State.
We regard this as an evil demand
ing the most vigorous legislation.
We would be glad to see the punish
ment made severer than it now is,
and the laws SO enforced - as to
amount to an absolute prohibition.
IF that could be done, the rights of
no man would suffer. It is a habit
not based upon any reason whatever
and wholly unjustifable. We scarce
ly ever read a newspaper that we do
not see some account of bloodshed,
traceable directly to this habit.
Hundreds of lives are lost every
year as one of it's results, and thou
sands of others made miserable. It
is certainly subject worthy OF the
attention OF all we'll disposed people,
and especially should it be con-
demned from the pulpit, just as
drunkenness, gambling and other
fruitful sources of crime and misery
are condemned.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-09-18

Of offense towards God and man. Such
is James A. Garfield. He is passing
through another grave crisis. As we
write, our fears are at war with our
hopes and desires. Before this issue
of the CHRONICLE goes to press we
may have news that will add gloom
to our sadness; but come what may,
we must bow with meek submission
to the will of Him who holdeth the
destiny of nations in His hands, and
feel that whatever he doeth is just
and right. His mysteries we can
not fathom.
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-09-18
L. o. o. r.

last TENNESSEE LODGE, No. 4.-Meets
~ Tuesday nights at Odd Fellows Hall, west
side Market Square. VIM. Samuels, N.G. ]. T.
Ambrose. v. g. E. w. Adkins r. s.. and Permit
Sec Il; Peter Ritter, Treasurer. g
Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-09-18

WHILE the body of General Burn
side lay in state in the City Hall at
Providence, the crowd that pressed
to see his remains reached 1000 per
hour. His old war horse was killed
Thursday. He had become helpless,
and the general had arranged for its
death whenever it could be killed
without his knowledge.