The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1881-05-07
VARIETIES.
pernoinnl motlon-scnndnl.

f-Opcras arc composed by the score.
Just tea dealers metc out just teas.
Posted up--the elevated railroads.
"A good name for a farmers wlfe-Ida Ho.
-" Como. gentle spring ethereal MILD
ness. come !"
stick TO your best girl If her mother
keeps boarders.
The watch ropairer is always engaged In
spring cleaning.
The first black Friday occurred in Robin.
son Crusoe's time.
Tho man who digs bitches gets spade
well for his work.
singers are often the NEST miserable OF
Gods scfcechers.
Why is u lean dog like philosopher
Because he is a thin cur.
1t is from colored infant that you get
great cry and little wool.
"A counterfeitor finds It impossible to
make an honest penny at his business.
Ruler ruin" as the boy snid when ho
threw the teachers ferulo into the stoye.
Some people have tho fnculty of making
themselves very busy when they have moth
ing TO do.
Can young man who is writing to his
sweetheart be said to bo writing for the
press3
Why are young ladies like arrowsr Be-
cause they are In quver till the next beau
comes.
"A blacksmlth's helper is remarkable
man. he is always on q strike and makes
money by 1t.
-"l'll have no moro OF your llpl' is what
the discarded lover remarked to his angry
sweetheart.
Pot poodes and pugs receive but little
attention from the police, but the coach dog
is always spotted.
when clergyman moistens his lips in
n IN nj De 4,
watering his talk.
The present method Of making maple su-
gar does not sap tho resources Uf Vermont SO
much AS formerly.
The Iowa Supreme Court says "gam.
bling" includes gaming for beer, oysters, ci.
gars or any other valuables.
The French expedition which set out to
make surveys for the Trans.SIhara railroad,
have been slaughtered by tho natives.
AN exchange notes that the obelisk seems
to be quite at homo in Central Park, New
York. why notP 1t is in the land OF FARO.
1t is understood that tho gentlemen who
havo been asked to become President of the
Wotld's Fair will soon hold a mass meeting.
n member of the Colorado Legislature in
addressing that august body, began: "My
fellow statesmen" His bill passed unani-
mously.
Tho compositor who set up line from
Burns "Then gently skin thy brother man, -
knew more about Wall street than he did
about poetry.
"A Baltimore critic complains that Miss
Anderson talks through her nose Perbnps
this man expects her to remove her nose and
put II in her pocket.
A New York man has discovered an ''ln
visible sonp." 1t is the same article that
small boys have used in their morning ablu.
tions from the most remote periods.
-Jones-.I see Smith has taken to riding
n tnNHa La VhsaN n. T.
ior?' bobinson-' Oh, a very simple ren SON
to prevent Mrs. Smith from going with
him ~
-"Can any one in tho class tell me what
Rhode Island is celebrated for 2" asked n
teacher in q Boston school. ait is the only
one OF me New England States which is the
smallest.
Stephen, the first martyr was stoned to
death. Since his time hundreds Of infant
martyrs have been rocked to death. The
child asks Tor nourishment, and its mother
gives 1t II rock.
"A boy is never so happy as when the fam
lly is moving, and ho ran walk through the
streets to the new house wearing a chat on
his head. ! hats the only way most boys
can SIT on chair.
AN 1rishman, who stood near the third
base watching n game Of base ball. was sent
TO grass by foul which stuck him under
lhe tf rib "a fowl. wuz Vt? Begorra,
thought 1t was nule.
The major was going abroad for his
health and sight-seeing. a friend learning
OF Tdn une oomtempla cd tour said: "Ah hear
Inc reply; "l'm going to A sia Minor"
"A citizen of New Mexlc, being informed
that, in his absence, q anther had attacked
his wife ana that she had beaten of anu kill.
t'l the animal, merely shrugged his shoulders
anu saul: III that panther had knOwed her
as well as do he'd IL never riled her up. YOU
bet.n
IA learned writer atflrms that n mosquito
requires iorty-eight hours to digest his din.
ner. That's all right. Nobody cares If he
requires tt'rty-cight days We are more in
terestcd IN the length of time il takes him to
eat his dinner.
"A butterfly leads gay and happy life.
and "ithal seems 10 be free from the rare and
vanity that Oiten accompanies beauty, al
! thoush we must confess that wo have seen
butterflies In the collection OF naturalists
that appear 10 be awfully stuck up.
REAL ESTATE.
" Look here, MIR. Grocer 7" n customer cried.
flushing into the store with bag in his
- This sugar YOU sold mo is not it to use,
lassure you there's more than two.thirds
Ofit sand"
'''DIrt cheap did you say9 WE'LL may be
But why should you sell it I can't under
stand;
"A pretty cheap lot?' Well, you ought to
But it seems like pretty dear parcel of
land"
"A Quincy man who was having new
house built objected when the carpenter
proposed to put in aabay window. He said
he preferred whito one TO match the house.
Polite ard OLliging Husband-A mar.
never taken me TO the cemetery" mo,
dear" replied he, that is II pltasare have
yet in anticipation.
Dear Mrs. Oldbody--Mrs. Spagglns was
boastlng of her new house. The wlnduws,
she said, were all stained. ''Thnt's too had
but won't turpentne or benzlne wash IL odPh
asked the good old Mrs. OldbOdy.
"A Galveston widow is about to marry
her nth husband. Her pastor rebuked her
tor contemplating matrlmOny so soon again.
We'll, Just want you to understand, " the
Lord keeps on taking them, J will, too," was
the spirited reply.
-" II this coffee il often up in boarding
house style again tO-mnrrOw morning, /
think l shall have good grounds for n di-
y0rce, sald u cross husband, tho other morn
ing. Il don't want auy CT your saucer"
spuuted his wife, 'and what I've sediment"
A man came very near being run over n
the Long Island kaiiroad lew DAYS ayo.
lie said lie was 80 deaf that he cOuldnit hear
the train. His wife told him TO 80 down Tor
n scutllo of coal, and although she only
spike in n whisper he was in the cellar be.
fore she could get TO the poker.
=" suppose you are very glad that your
husband is entirely cured of his rheuna.
tism ?" said doctor to fashionable Calves.
ton lady "Yes, suppose l ought 10 be, but
from now on We will have to guess at the
weather or buy barometer, il his bones quit
aching before damp spell "
"A travelling Irishman, who had gone the
whole round OF the Continent. was reiuruing
homo satialed with having "seen nOthng,n
when, In II field by the road. lie saw n fiyht;
he stopped his carriage, hurried TO tho scene
OF action, took his side, with small references
TO the question at issue, obtained his due
amount OF llindlug bruises, and gruped back
to his carriage, exclaiming, "By JOve. this is |
the first hit of pleasure / have had since
have been from home"
"A Galveston Man met a friend from the
country on the Street. 'How do yOu come
p" eNcaim, d the former "When / last
heard Of you You had n lAwsult on hand with
Tom smith about line horse. now did that
end ?" Il won II. l completely got away
with Tom. You sec the Justice was the
most honest man In the world. so l wrote him
u mole asking hun TO accept ho enclosed tvo-
dOllar bill" ~ think the Judge would have
ruled against you for trying to bribe him"
80 he would II l had not been careful TO
sign Tom Smiths namv instead OF my own,
tell you there are several other ways uf Kill.