Sharp County record., 1881-08-11
TIMOTHY HORN.

TIMOTHY HORN.
The most marvellous mortal that ever was
You would say, had you known him, was Tim
otny Horn.
Tai, bony and broad-an angular giant,
And awkward as well; yet his limbs we're SO
plant
They seemed, when he used them, ike rain
bows in trouble,
Whose motions no word could describe except
"wabble.'
And yet, strange to say, in the country, where
Tim
Felt confident no one was looking at him,
His step was as firm and his carriage as free
And statelyas ever ApOllOs could be.
II was only habit, through mOdesty born,
Oftrying TO walk without drawing attention,
Which gave to the movements OF Timothy
Horn
The boneIess, loose, timber appearance I
Always frst at a fire and first through the
flame,
To rescue the inmates, half-rOasted and
choking.
He returned with his arms full of people, but
came
With his hair and his eyebrows whfte-crinkled
and smoking:
And then, if they thanked him, so strange was
He'd take the first byway and run like a
rabbit
One night, as he sat by his mother and read
SMILES standish's Courtsnip," she stopped him
and said.
Very gently: " Dear Tim, you are now twenty
eight.
Don't you think it is time you we're taking a
matey'
30, Mother, who'd have such great, awkward
fel-"
But the word was cut short by the clang Of a
BELL
And away to the. fire sped Timothy Horn.
Twas the siK-storied house Of Professor Van
Dorm.
he had built it, expressly, uncommouly high,
The better to study the air and the sky,
With vision unveIed by the smoke from the
town.
The Professor himself had gone upto an air
way,
To shut OF the draught, and he couldn't get
down,
For tue demon of fame was cremating the
stairway;
But, forgetting himself IN his love for the SCI
ences,
yam Dorm brought some strange scientific ap-
pliAnces
30 the siyth-story window, sat down his barom-
ster,
And, holding aloft a new pateut thermometer,
Grew absorbed In theme he would call thera-
The eaect Of the heat on a wart on his scutiee.
The roofwas ablaze and the rafters ware fall
ing.
Alas he was far above human assistance,
For their ladder would only reach halt Of the
distance,
And a sou Of old Ireland muttered Begorry!
If he only mad builded b 8 bashtely sixth shtory
Jishst under the third we could rishcue him
nately;
But now nell be cooked and dlshfgured com
plate "!
A thousand pale faces looked up at Van Dorm,
When in through the circle sprang Timothy
born,
Caught shawl from the form of the scientists
daughter,
And, punging 1t deep in a bucket Of water,
'EnyelOped his head before any one spoke,
Sprang up the req stairs, and was lost in the
smoke.
Brave men held their breath, but they saw in
minute
The shawl at the window, the Professor rolled
in it;
Then it vanished, and then-the roof fell The
floors under
We're torn from their places and hurled to
the ground,
With such conclusion the ar all around
Was chaos of asnes and cinders and thunder.
"They are lOst!" " hey are savedp AS if
blown by the tai.
Tim shot from the house like dazing red
comet or
Anything sudden, anu SnOOk from tne SHAWL
The Professor, still holding his precious
thermometer,
Who smiled on his daughter and tendery sad
As he busted the ashes of hair from his head :
Weep not for our lost scientific appliances
The biggest Of blazes can't burn up the sci
ences!
But Tim, what of him! When he heard the
wild shout
Of the people, he tried to, but could not get
out;
For their praise ran so high, and still higher
and higher,
He wished in his heart he was back in the fire.
There wasn't much left of his facial express
SION
You wouldn't have guessed him to be a Cau-
casian;
His hair had he friz of the African fashion.
Now it happened Miss Stella Corona Van
Dorm
Had always admired brave Timothy Horn;
But now, on account OF her terrible fright,
Or, more likely, because Of the pitiful sight
Of barbecued father and fricaseed Tim,
She felt a resistiess attraction toward him,
And, her quicksilver heart mounting high
above zero,
She, throwing her arms round the neck Of the
hero,
Aimed kiss at his lips. but it landed instead
On his swiitly-averted decarbonized head.
Then her loyers-Jim, Joseph, Sam, Thomas
and Harry
Broke forth into laughter, uncommonly
merry;
But alas for their laughter, for Timothy
Horn
Threw an arm around Stella Corona Van
Dorm,
And, swiftly advancing, as proud as a lion,.
Hurled his fist at each smile that he fixed his
fierce eye on.
Till the faces Of Harry, Jim, Joseph and
Sam
Looked like they'd been kissed by a batter
ingram.
Then he doubled his fist for the battle anew
40, Tim % cried Corona. 80! what shall dO2
I'm afraid you will kill them, and then they'll
hang you'll
And I'll be wid-Ohp' Whose widow"
gasped Tim
"Why, yours, you dear stupid!' she whispered
to him.
Then he tigntened his clasp around Stella Van
DOru,
And that was the courtship Of Timothy Horn.
". W. Fink, in ". Y. Independent.
HOW SIMON PEvERITT GOT MAR.