Litchfield enquirer., 1881-03-17
CLIPPINGS.


 Lawyers motto sBe truthfuI and. multiply and repie vin the eaTth1s S S
 It was Connecticut minister whose salary was $25 year and half the fish he caught.
 ''Jacob. is there much difference between a sea and saw ?" ''Yes, the difference between sea and saw is in tense."
 It rains alike on the just and uniust-on the just mainly because the unjust have bor rowed their umbrellas.
 Fish are so plenty in some parts of Canada that in order to tell first class lie the sports man has to swear he didn't catch any.
 Europe seems unnecessarily agitated over trichinosis, but then she has had one Diet of Worms, and does not care to repeat the ex- perience.
 A boy named Kannew was arrested in Mansbnrg for throwing stones at a train of cars. We advise that boys mother to pad de her own Kannew."
 A little boy came to his mother recently and said.-s ..sMamma,I 9sheuld sthinkifI was of dust would get nhddy instie whenever I drink" h NH Ias
 The play of ''Tbe Forty Thieves" was ad- YertIsed ins Philadelphia. But it didn't draw. The people wouldn't buy tickets to it. They could go and see their city officers for noth- ing.
 Street gamin to friend: ''Say, Bill, yer must quit going to variety shows every night, or people will take you for country mem Der O the legislator s
 Last summer she was eating green corn by gnawipg it from the cob, when hersteeth be- came entangled witha a corn silk. aOh. dear," thecorn mads the would Dull SntIthe basting thfeadsT' %~A N A@ 4 e~8~ r
 After thirteen persons had died of typhoid fever in Cairo tenement house they went to work and removed an old wooden drain which had been choked up for twelve years. It takes good deal to move some landlords.
 In the year 1880 America issued seventy. patents to women, And not one of these was an indicator to be attached to bedpost to show if there is man under the bed And yet, think how much getting down on hands and knees such thing would save women. ' Bergh is always getting up something new in the philanthropic line. It is understood that he offers a large cash prize for the best es say in answer to the question, How shall we make outdoor life attractive to the mos- quito P We've got it: ''Go out deors your self" Remie by registered letter, Postoffice order, or draft on Boston.
 Said an old plumber of young rival :: ''That boy is inexperlenceds He'll ruin the trade. Why, he had the.j job of piping new house, and he went and packed the pipes, so the chances are three to one against the frost's ever getting at 'em.s Such bunglers ought not to be allowed tosvorktpe, x Q,
 A New England pastor called upon one of his deacons with whom he was at variance, and, with anr air, of great soemnity, said: "Brother, it isa shame that thls quarrel of ours should bring scandal upon the church. | have prayed earnestly for guidance in the matter; and have come to the conclusion that you must give ins sfqr loamet. 1I 10Ox
 A little Miss has grandfather who has taught her to open and shut his crush hat The other day, however, he came with an ordi nary silk one. Suddenly he sees the child coming with the new stove-pipe wrinkled like an accordeon. ''Oh, Grandfather" she says, this one is very hard. ''Ive had to sit on it, but can't get it more than half shut z A few days agoIa yolnbhfh zpld of about convicted of stealing in Galveston court and sentenced to Imprisonment in the county jail. "He is rather young to steal, should SUD- pose. remarked bystander to Uncle Nose. "NO, sah, he is not to young to steal, but he IS eotched a little earlier den4de rest ob lem, dat's all." > < -'- 1-- '-' s
 A burly rowdy who has already served five or six sentences iss brought before the police. Just as they are about to begin the examina-s I tion, 'Mr. President" says he, s'my lawyera ln0ISn0Sa6 I oaI foro dalo af ol, tBut you have been eau ght in open fmisde-- m.anor. your hand in the pocket of the plain tiff. What could your lawyer say for you ?" Precisely, Mir. President; I'm quite anxious to know" E
 Tommy Dorkins came running into the house with this conundrum for his long suffering mother: 'If you were on the top of E Trinity church spire on the back of goose, hoX thSs sSY yqald 4i,g you sgs dsxaa N1s D0rkins shssas sfSan, 9sSe p s dSnn sns and then gave it up. "WhY, if you wanted to get doon, you could pick it off the goose" said Tommy exultantly.
 A correspondent of one of the daily papers takes a very Arollndabout way ote, say chat another correspendents of theH same paper has told pack of lies. After correcting several mssttate epents he adds "And when Mir. B. says so and 50, he simply walks up and takes his place on the front seat right alongside of Ananias and Sapphira." He forgets however that Ananias and Sapphira did not sit up at all after they had uttered their lies They tell of sharp trick Of an fowaa. man. Having accumulated considerable property. and fearing he was about to die, he wrote to ms relatives in the east individually, asking aid for his support through the winter. None responded except niece, who sent him $50 from her earnings as school teacher Now elold man has ~iled herall his money. People having uncles in Iowa can see the R'Y0'a'' nora ftud hrR 91fnW K l lo 2@iE MISCELLANEOUS. I