Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-07-14
Those Curious Western People.

A young man who left Detroit for
Deadwood in March. in the best oil
health and with lots of good clothes
and plenty OF money, got home the
other day with his weight reduced
twenty-eight pounds. his elbows and
knees out to the weather, and his
stomach entering upon third day's
fast. He had no particular adventures
to relate and no apologies to make.
All that allied him was the fact that he
didn't understand those far-Western
people. He didn't realize that YOU
have got to take 'em on the run to
bring 'em down, and he consequently
put his foot in it at every move. Soon
after reaching Deadwood. and while
getting away with o dinner at a res
taurant. stranger came in and called
hun snipe, and buZzard. and u
chicken, and several other ornitholoyic-
al cognomens, and ended by kicking
the crown out of his plug hat. Now.
the proper way would have been to pull
out pepper and have popped that
stranger until the MONDAY sun would
have lighted up his whole interior; but
the DeIr,iter let the golden opportu-
nifty slip away, and was whistled out of
the neiehborhood.
Then some one told him that he might
strike job in the railroad Offices. Ii
he had obeved instructions he would
have been all right. He was told to
slant his hat on his ear, light fresh
cigar. and walk in on the magnate, and
say:
"Hello, old 7x9-how's your bully
health tn morning? Have smoke'
Bet you will, How are all the boys.
anyhow? Got place here for q Chap
who's up to snuff. and the stron rest
brand at that? Come out and gulp some
thing at my expense. Nothing mean
about me. and don't you forget it, old
pardr'
Yes. he lost the situation through his
own obstinacy. He sneaked into the
office like sheep put his hat
on chair. and family inc red il they
would be so everlasting good as to in
form him il there was one-horse va
cancy to be fiji ed. They gave him the
boss bounce inside of minute, and
after that no boot black would look 1t
him.
Then there was provision dealer
who was terribly in want of an assist
ant. The Detroiter was Just the man
for the place-except that he wasn't.
He was put on the right track by ho-
tel clerk, who explained:
"Now, this Jones is rather queer,
and you must strike him right. You
want to 90 in and cuss him from his
eyebrows to his toe nails. and when
you get through you can pretend that
YOU took him TOR old Smith. just around
the corner. He's great cusser. and
he'll take to You like molasses TO a
shingle."
That job was also lost. The Detroter
called at the store, explained that he
had heard so and SO. and ended with "a
wishy-washy request to be taken on
trial-salary no object Old Jones
heard HIM through. and then called
him Michigan dish-rag. an Eastern
mulberry and ever so many other
things. and tried to hit him N the back
with 4 barrel of Chicago hard tack
1t was the same in dozen other
cases, and finally prominent citizen
OF the town took it upon himself To halt
tne Detroiter on INC streee anu say 10
him:
"Say. boy, this amt no town for
you. Hadn't you better gi; up and
ily?"
The Detroiter couldn't fly. but he
had gait OF six miles an hour. up hill
and down. He also got lift on a
freight train now and then. and he has
now returned to a people whom he can
understand and appreciate.-DeirOit
Free Press.
There are women to-day in San