davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

No prctticr compliment can DC given
than that which comes from the warm
heart and quick wit Of the true Iiber-
nian. Mike was laying pavement brick
in the hot sun, and the lady Of the
house mixed up nice, cool drink and
carried it out to qucnch his thirst. AZ
ter long-drawn "swig,' h wiped his
mouth on his sleeve and said: yen
be in heaven sivin years before the
divil II find it out, New Haven
Register
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

Down East there resides a certain
VI. d. One very cold night he was
aroused from his slumber by Il very
loud knocking at his door. After some
hesitation, he went TO the window, and
asked: "Who's thereW "A friend"
was the answer What do you wantP
"Want to stay all night Stay there
tbea." was the benevolent reply.-Ex.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

"My brethren" said Swift in a SER
mon, there are three sorts Of pride,
Of birth, of riches, and of talent. |
shall not now speak Of the latter none
Of you being liable to that abominable
vice
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27
ADvrprrsrwc P,--a

Bl-neas Cards. ono ygaf one dollar for svsrv
line.
Local Notices ,eu crIts rsI line each insertion
aud all notices continued Tor three months or
longer, discount of 2j per cent
Advertisements uuacC0mpauipd by written nj o.
verbal directions vii be published three month
AdNrrtlscmrnts, under contract, ordered out be !.
fore expiration OF time, will he charged iull rates
No paper Discontinued until an arrearages are
paid, except 40 the option o. tho publisher.
Transient alFer-s..Duf- must De paid in adj
vance.
~ Forms, CASH. GOA, quarterly
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

"Old woman, how do you sell beets :"
asked New Orleans hummer of an
old vegetable woman in the French
market yesterday. Looking at him
from head to foot, she replied: "Ven
l haf some like you vas ! sell them
two for a cent abiece, New Orleans
Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

by where he and his father were, and
asked PA, who painted that man
all black so?' Heaven did, my SON.
replied the father "Well," said the
little one, still looking after the negro,
II shouldn't have thought he'd held
still. Sunday Magazine.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

A little fellow, four or five years Old
who had never seen negro, was great
ly perplexed one day when one came
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

\ Canadian woman has seventeen
daughters. all married, and it rifles her
like blazes that, flax round as lively us
she knows how to, she can't keep all of
the seventeen husbands miserablc.--Ex
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

A New York preacher says the devil
is in every public office in this country
At last we have it. The devil is an
Ohio man. William,port Breakfast
Table.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

An Iowa COW succeeded recently in
killing an elephant, lion and a camel.
Brave COW! She did it by getting un-
der the train bearing these creature, 4,
and ditching it.-Boston Post.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

The following notice was OH the door
Of 4 ready made clothing establish
ment in one Of the poorer quarters Of
Paris Don't 20 somewhere else to
be robbed walk in here
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

He.-"By Joyc, you know upon
my word--if | were to see a ghost, you
know, ! would be a chattering idiot for
the rest Of my life" She-"Haven't
Won seen q phOst ok.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

OF all the boys young jenkins has
ever heard OF, the one he most envies
is the harbor buoy, because it goes in
to the water so early in the season and
STAYS i'm all summer.-Lowell Citizen.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

Rev. George II. Hepworth has writ
ten a romance entitled ~, 1t j. in
SIS, and the interest is ting and
unHed.-LowelI Courier.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27
Canada Southern Railway,
0eiy american Line 2hro,Wh
T...-..y~,

ILfttbtCN.
Tho popular route Go Buffalo, Niagara sps, New
York Boston, and an points east steel rail, smooth
track, no curves, low Grade, Wcstingh ouse Air
Brake and superior equipment, making II the Ia
vorito line from Michigan 10 the cas-. Trans
lCayo Detroit as follows:
Atlantic LNpTess daily, 800 II m
Day Express, duly, l2O0 m
Lightning ENn duly, except Sunday, Halo p IN
Toledo ENp., daily, except Sunday, $50 n m
St. Louis ESp. daily, I;l0pm
Favotte ENp. dry except sunday, $50 p IN
Cincinnati Exp. daily except sunday, $50 p IN
Wagner Palace Cars on all trains. Agents
will telegraph for bcrhs, etc Tickets and all in
formation furnished by
A. Z. FLETCHER, Agent, Alpeua.
W. l. MUIR, NJ. c. ROACH.
Gen. Manager. Pass. Agent Detroit.
r. L. Snow, G. j. 6 T. A., Detroit.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

We notice n great many OF our
Northern exchanges are soft-soaping
the Mexicans. Most of them have
been needing soap Of some kind for
several centuries.-TexaS Siftings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27
THE GREAT
BURLTNGTOV ROUTE.

v " II
ETy~No other line runs Three Through Pas.
sengcr Trains Daily between Chicago, Dee
Moines, Council Bluffs, Omahn. Lincoln, ST.
Joseph, Atchison, Topeka and Kansas City.
Direct connections for all points in Kansas,
Nebraska, Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, Me-
vada, New Mexico, Arizona, Idaho, Oregon and
Tho shortest, Speediest and Most Comforta-
blc Route via Hannibal TO Fort Scott, Denison,
Dallas Houston, Austin, San Antonio, Calves
Ion md oil points in Texas.
The uncuualed inducements offered by this
Line 20 Travellers end Tourists, are as follows:
The celebrated Pullman u6-wheeD Palace
SlccpluW Cars. run only on this Line, c., b. &
% Palnce Draw.nE-ROom Cars, with Horizons
Reclining Chairs No extra charge for Seats
in Reclining Chairs. The famous c., II. & Q.
Palace Dining Cars. Gorgeous Smoking Cars
atted with Elegant Hirh-Backed Rattan Ro-
vOlvinT Chairs for the exclusive use OF first
class passengers.
bined with their Great Through Car Arrange
tRcnt makes this, above all others, the favorite
Route 20 tho South, Southwest, and tho Far
west
TRY il, and you will find travelling luxury
instead OF q discomfort.
Through Tickets via this Celebrated Line
for sale Ot all Offices in the United States and
Canada.
All information about Rates of Fare, Sleep
log Car Accommodations, Time Tables, &c.
will be ChCerfully given by applying TO
JAMES r. WOOD,
General Passenger Agent, Chicago
T. j. POTTER,
General Manager, Chicago.
g0sW4O
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

Soubrette. is the prettiest
way to hold the hand? Why, so the
other side can't sec what cards you've
got.-Boston Post
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27
WIT AND HUMOR.


How dean TO my heart WIS the old family Bible,
That stood ON tho table so solemn and still;
Where often Two hid anything thought liable
To get into the hands o. bad brother Bill
How ardent I've seized 10 with ey'~ that were glow
ing,
And shook i,s wide pages until out the lhiuss foil;
But now all its charming old secrccy's going
With this ncw-ranglcd Bible the bookstores a sell,
The new-fangcd Bible, the twcnty-cent Bible,
This reversed Bible that says hadcs for hell. TX.
Birdlings are very selfish creatures.
They take the food right out Of their
mothers mouths-EX.
4 pig was never known to wash, but
a great many people have seen the pig
iron.-COmmercial Bulletin
If there is war in Russia we presume
every Russian Mus-co.vite. pretty
bad, amt it ?)-Wit aud Wisdom.
This is voyage around the whirl-
Cd" said the old gentleman who steered
his way among the waltzers.--Ex.
\ new kind of berry is being grown,
called the Telegraph An electric
currant probably.-Yonker5 States
man.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

st.fr- - rlsIu-t1 ua9g9a.g
- Fa -asss
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

TFTII 8TITIIT'I
An truius daily except sundays.
Night cxprcs, iu both directions has Wagner
slsspiug car attached @ and from Saginaw and
Bay CITY aud Detroit
Is. x. rALLAWAN, {. L. BARRON,
Gcu'l Supt. Gonl Pass Agt
So. w. HEAFFORD, Travelling Agent.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-07-27

Birdlings are very selfish creatures.
They take the food right out Of their
mothers mOutbs.-EX.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17
Flying Childers---A Race Horse Whose
Stride Was Twenty-Five Feet.

The legends about the horse in oues-
| ton so well known thatit is scarcely
necessary so enlarge upon them. If
his stride, like that of Eclipse when ex-
tended, covered twenty-five feet, it was
eight inches longer than the strides of
the Flying Dutchman and Voltigeur
when they were struggling head to head
opposite York Strand in 1851. The
two horses, while the contest was at its
height, reached over exactly the same
space ofground, and that space was TWEEN
ty-four feet four inches. The portraits
OF Flying Childers commonly represent
him with his hind legs stretching alb
normally far back. Ii, by some excep-
tional leverage power, he could bring
his hind legs perfectly under him when
he -galloped, his length of stride and
his superior speed would be not I'M
reasonably accounted for He won two
matches and received some forfeits at
Newmarket, but his greatest achieve
ments were not performed in public.
He is said to have given Fox, almost the
best runner of his time, twelve pounds,
and to have beaten him quarter of a
mile, over the Beacon Course, which is
very much as if a dark three-year-old
had met Robert the Devil last year at
Doncaster, and reached the goal before
Robert had come to what is called the
end of the white rails. The Duke of
Devonshire was in the habit of buying
annually some of Mr.. Childers' young
things On one occasion dispute
arose between theAe as to whether the
sum due from the Duke to the Squire
was to be calculated in guineas or
pounds. g Throw in" exclaimed the
Duke, " that ugly little white-faced
devil looking over the gate yonder and
guineas it shall be-" No sooner said
than done. Childers went with the lot
to Chatsworth, and was there used as
hack. Returning one day with letters
across the moor, he passed the exercis-
ing ground of the Dukes accepted
racers. The boys jeered at him rs he
went by, crying out Come, now, let
us see what that wonderful hgh-bred
nag of yours can do.' This invitation
was straightway accepted and the
curiosity of Childers' critics satisfied at
once. 1t is needless to add that the
horse was Immediately put into train.
ing, and the Chatsworth post pow
found himself at once transformed into
the pride and terror of Newmarket
His comparatively small size was con-
ssidered at first, l suppose, to unfit him
for racing. The same thing happened
with Gimcrack afterward-some such
accident disclosed his superiority, and
the wondering groom rushed to tell his
master that the little cripple colt
could beat them all."-Fortmightly Re
UieaO.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17
The Costly Search After Gold and Silver

AS everyone knows, the Comstock
mines at the present time are all in
'borrasca," or poor ground, and not
one of them is to-day paying dollar in
dividends. On the contrary, they are
all levying assessments. and are spend
ing enormous sums in prospecting and
driving after that will -the-wisp bo-
nanza that is forever being predicted as
just little beyond the levels of every
mine ON the lode.
The Yellow Jacket, that at one time
had famous bonanza which paid in
dividends So, 1S4. 600 previous to 1871,
and which has been a steady assessor
for the greater part of the past ten
years. has prospected the lode to a
depth exceeding 5000 feet, by shaft
which, on the LIST of July last, had cost,
without interest, $1,674, 203.53, and is
yet without ore. The assessments of
this company have already amounted to
81, 900, and during the year ending
June 80, 1881, the expenditures at the
mines were $549,7 $40, of which S27, 230
were on account of and for driving 743
feet of the Sutro Tunnel. During the
year 1.055 feet of drifts were run, and
$50 feet of diamond drill prospect holes,
which was all the effective prospecting
done for over half q million dollars. The
greaterpar of the outlaywasf orpumping
nd repairs. The Superintendent says:
. From April 16, when connection was
made with the Sutro Tunnel, to June
90 or in a little more than one month,
we pumped and hoisted $4,000, 600 gal
Ions, or 100000 tons of water. We
have had since that time steady flow
of sixty miners inches, or 720 gallons
per minute" This amount, two and
seven-tenths tons per minute, or about
5000 tons day; is raised from the
5000 foot level to the Sutro Tunnel,
nearly 1000 feet, and involves an ex-
pense greater than that required to
work some of the largest and most prof
table mines in this country. Yet at the
present time the Yellow Jacket is SIM
plv prospect, and all these eXpendi-
lures are merely prospecting expenses
incurred in the hope of finding some
thing. And this is but one out of
score of mines prospecting the Com
stock, none of which pays expenses.
Never before in the history of the
world have such enormous sums been
expended for prospecting as we see to-
dav on the Comstock. The same
amount prudently invested in less expen.
sive and more promising districts would
no doubt produce vastly better results
Engineering and Mining Journal
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17

and she commenced gallivantlng with
another fellow. She carried her gall
wanting and co-gallivanter beneath the
window of Horatio. Now he was
maddened. Both were mlffed.
To drown his grief, Horatio,
as soon as his leg had assumed
its normal condition, gave his days and
his nights to the bicycle. In the TWEEN
ty years that had passed he had broken
both arms three several times, one leg
| four times and the other seven times.
What with these incidents and several
minor affairs, such as collar-bone
broken, wrist dislocated, and his head
smashed now and then, Horatio had
had about all he could attend to.
And Rebecca Jane?
Well, she had flirted awhile; but as
none of the fellows ventured to touch
upon the subject of matrimony, her
fond, true heart turned to Horatio. 1t
found him rot, and she pinned in secret.
So she said; but she had gained forty
five pounds in weight, nevertheless.
But it was all over now. They were
to be united after their long estrange-
ment.
"Promise me one thing" said Re.
becca Jane. Promise me you will
never again mount a bicycle"
Of course Horatio promised. Men
always promise anything before mar
riage.
And so they were married.
Horatio, strange to relate, remem-
bered his promise, and Rebecca james
papa so exerted his influence that Hora-
ito was chosen captain of a baseball
nine, and though his face is as battered
as gunboat after hard-fought action,
he is rich, affiuently rich. In some sea-
sons he has been known to sell out six
games, the proceeds of these transac-
tons serving to largely swell the pro-
portions of his princely salary.
Horatio little knew when he fell over
his bicycle that he was to fall into so soft
a thing.
Rebecca Jane Jones, thanks to that
arnica bottle, won't die and old maid.
Boston TRANSCRIPT.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17
A Haytian Princess.

The Boston Traveller gives this de.
scription of Haytian princess.
1.-The lady was the Princess Soulouque,
daughter of the Emperor Soulouque,
who was driven from his throne
years ago and died in exile in Jamaica.
Her face was a dead jet black, but the
features were softly moulded and, with
fine set of laughing teeth, made her
appearance prepossessing. She wore a
Jauhty white turban hat with an i'm.
mense cardinal red feather floating
away behind like ships pennon. Her
riding dress was of sky blue, very lone
and trailing in the dust. Around her
waist was broad gold sash, and in hel
bosom she wore sapphire brooch al.
most as large as a saucer. She was
mounted on Venezuelan horse about
sixteen hands high, which was made :
present to her father by the President
OF Venezuela. The horse was as re.
markable as the woman on his back
lie was clear cream color all over the
body, with long snow white name and
tail and most admirable shape. The
lady s riding whip had a gold handle
studded with precious stones, and the
bride chain was of solid silver. Sh,
wore yellow leather gloves, with gaunt
lets extending as far as the elbow. He,
voice had a tendency to falsetto, and il,
tones We're peculiarly entertaining e
hear, The Princess, but no longer T,
princess by the laws Of the land wa,
educated in Europe and spoke four Ian
guages." 81 -s,r nt' ''
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17
CHAPTER ".
He fell from above,
70 fall in love

-SDeet Singer of Michigan.
Rebecca Jane Jones bathed the nose
of the stranded stranger with relentless
assiduity. His lids quivered, his eyes
opened a cross-fire ON the bangs that
fringed the beautifully corrugated fore
head of his .preserver. Then he closed
his eyes again and remarked in stage
whisper, a. lis shep' ll
Rebecca Jane Jones plunged the ar
MICA into his eyes in the excess of her
maidenly agitation. This had the re-
markably effect of opening them again.
This time the stranger was more com
municative.a He not only said '.'Tis
she," but he threw in the additional
observation, IT'S she whose image has
haunted me since that happy day when
in unison we ate the peanuts -"
He got no farther. At the mention of
the seductive fruit Rebecca Jane Jones
shrieked in calliopic distinctness
:" Peanutsr'
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17
Was This Instinct2

Everybody who knows DR.. Barton re-.
members his dog Don, probably the
hnest pointer which has ever made its
appearance in Southern California. and
one or the finest in the world for that
matter When the Doctor over five
months ago, left for Mazatlan, he turned
over Don, for safe keeping, to Mr.. Hut
Ton OF the San Fernando Valley. In
mat capacious valley the sagacio1s doc
stayed steadily until the day which saw
S CT. burton return to Los Angeles.
olnguiarly enough, ON that day this
splenuid dog trotted into town, lust
ter miles, to greet his old mas
c Ia, we nave heard great deal of
cialryoyance, but what sbould we call
Ine, development of an affectjonate in
stlnct like thisp Let some scientist
i've 1t name.-Los Andeles (CaI j
HeTdtu. ''i'n'ii ti'ft' jhi : ltsf '.Il-l .
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17
CHAPTER III.
A maiden fair to see.

: -OuR tuD.
Rebecca Jane Jones, the maiden
daughter of old Jones, the horse-car
driver, had seen the catastrophe. That
is what she called it, though old Jones,
who sat smoking his T. d., said the
teller was only takin' a header. But
pardon the depression. Rebecca Jane
Jones had seen the catastrophe. It was
but forty-four brief years since Rebecca
Jane Jones first saw the light of day,
and as she had put in full time ever
since, it is unnecessary to say that she
was no infant. But she was young still
and her unsophisticated heart went out
TO the hapless stranger, and then she
went out herself. She lifted his head
in her lap and bathed his nasal append
age with the hem of her garment stepped
in the healing liquid of the arnica bot
tie, .I ~
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17
A CORN DoDGER.


There was young girl from Bordeaux,
With eorns on her little pink teaux,
They gave her such pain
The tears ran like rain
Down the bridge of her delicate neaux,
Her lover-a youth from Cologne
Fled wildly and left her alogne,
When he found that her feet
With corns were replete,
With never a word he bad fiogne.
They sent for doctor from Lynn,
AS shining and neat as pynn;
He looked at her teaux,
The source of her weaux,
And INDUCED in q gratified grynn.
He prescribed for this maid from Bordeaux
And cured all her little pink teaux;
And now it is said
They, too, will be waid,
And from sorrow and grief find repeaux.
The sweet-scented youth from Cologne,
Who left her severely alogne,
When he first heard the news
His mind he did Jews,
And fitted from life with grogne.
e. S. Bartlett.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17
CHAPTER III.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

huulpIy Duulpty Oh Il wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
M. Goose.
The riders meditations had evident
ly awakened an unworthy heart pang.
With sudden start he accelerated his
speed. A pebble was in his pathway.
He needed it not. 1t was struck amid
ships by the wheel. In an instant his
nose had kissed the dust. There he Law.
bleeding like a butcher shop, his olfac-
tory apparatus fiattened into prairie like
flatness, and his clothing enswathed in
the comminuted real estate that piled
the roadway. His trusty bicycle lay be-
side him, mutely asking to be excused
for the trick it had played upon its
master. Bicycler and bicycle lay mo-
tionless and at the mercy of the bugs
and beetles that crawled whithersoever
they would over their PROSTATE forms.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17

Rounde about the wheele dothe goe,
Rounde about goes life alsoe.
-CIdDsir.
The sun was sinking in the west ac-
cording to the established custom of
that luminary at the close of the day in
the town of Quiddlequaddle, when a
solitary bicycle might have been seen
careering along the road. The rider, a
young man of some fifty summers, not
to mention the other seasons, seemed
lost in thought. His feet pressed the
treadles mechanically, and his hand
rested lightly on the steering gear. He
rocked not whittier he wandered. Per-
chance he was thinking of some fair one
who in some distant day was wont to
sit by his side and look into the dreamy
depths of his strabismal orbs while
crunching the peanuts which his wealth
had purchased. o, love, love!
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17
CHAPTER ",
Bob up serenely from below,
She is the unI ynaa want 10, 1

Dop up sercneIy from below,
She is the gal you want, you know.
Oscar Wide
"Tell me-" said she, ''under the dis
hgnrement of that mashed nose dwell
est the face of Horatio Fitzgomery
Brown"
The battered bicycler allowed that
such was the true state of the case.
20, Horatiop' sighed Rebecca Jane.
Then she collapsed into fainting fit.
1t was now Horatio's turn to WELD
the arnica bottle. He did this with
such lover-like liberality that Rebecca
Jane came to in one second and three
quarters. .et
80 Horatior' she remarked. 'You
image has been present in this heart''-
indicating the locality-''for these long,
long years-that is to say'--her WON
anly instinct reasserting itself---''quitC
little time, you Nnow'p riei'.
Then he said -n"iething. n -s
Then she SIT nething. .
Then they botn said something.
Then it was all liked. - .,..
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17

y The agriculturists of Cashmere are
robust and their wives fair, but the
shawl-producing villagers are wretched
objects. Long hours of work in crowd
ed, ill-ventilated rooms, with begrarlv
pay, make them mere shadows.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-09-17

Legs have risen in value. In the
time Of Edward, the Saxon King OF
zealand. the breaker of leg was
multced in six shillings. Now the New
York courts give doctor $50, 600 for a
Loo broken by the Elevated Railroad,
and a California gentleman expects to
Get $40, 900 from the Central Pacific for
he MASKING of his big toe.