The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-05-27
ALLEGED BITS OF WIT.

ALLEGED BITS OF w IT.
S-=z=S=sS
Motto Of good collectors-Never put off
till Tomorrow what can be dunned to-day.
Phita. Chronicle Herald.
Young SWELL should like to have my
mustache dyed" Polite barber" Ger
tainly; did you bring it with you"
Pray, madam. why did you give your hea
such peculiar name as Macduff?" "Be-
cause, sir, 1 wanted her to lay on.-Tran-
script
A contemporary wishes to revise one por-
tion of the New Testament as follows: If a
man smite you on one cheek turn unto him
the other also, and then send him in good
one from the shoulder while Off guard.
Still Is the night sAh, me, tis growing late,
The darkness 'diinly lights the crested
moon; ase
And as the starlets wink, there by the gate
Augustus and Amelia stand and spoon.
.ss.s.4s.s4 -. go 80 49,
One of our exchanges says: Abdul Aziz
was murdered by his servants" We don't
know how that may be, but If Abdul was
murdered he cant be Abdul Aziz any longer,
because he is now Abdul Aziznt.-M Mari
boro' Times.
"When was a young man." says the
philosopher Billings, al was always in a
hurry to hold the big end of the log and do
all the lifting; now am older, and | sieze
hold of the small end aud do all the grunt-
Ing"
So he camped all night by the river side
And remained till the tide had ceased 10
swell,
For he knew should the donkey from life
srbside
He never would find its H.
-!Somerrale Journal.
A New York "99-cent store" was robbed
few nights ago Of eleven gold bracelets, six
watches, three diamond rings, fourteen gold
brooches and tifty-four finger rings. The
less is estimated at two dollars aud twenty
cents.-LoreH Courier.
When morning dawned and the tide went
The pair crossed over meath Allah's pro-
lection,
And the Arab was happy, we have no
doubt,
For he had the best donkey In all that I.
-.SalcH. Sunbeam.
A sleeper is one who sleeps; a sleeper is
also place where sleeper can sleep, and a
sleeper is, too, thing over which runs the
sleeper in which the sleeper sleeps, so that
the sleeper in which the sleeper sleeps runs
OH as well as sometimes leaps off the track
Wit and Wisdom.
81 cannot sing the old SONGS" shrieked an
amateur soprano the other night, and while
she took in breath for the next time young
man who had looked in for short time was
heard casually but emphatically to remark :
"You just bet you can't" 1t broke up the
concert on the spot.
That jolly old sea-dog, Secretary Of the
Navy Hunt, rushed into Congress the other
day with demand for all Appropriation for
| sinking artesian wells onshipboard. He ex
planned that 1t was about time the navy wa.
supplied with pure fresh water at all times
He was removed BY force.-San- francisco
Where Is one thing that 1 envy a hot
| for" said Spencerton to the barber. "H'
don't have to be shaved until after DEATH
"Some hogs does and some hogs doesn't, IRE
piled the tonsorial artist, calmly beheading
pmple. There's no use arguing with bar
ber while in his power.-Boston Tran
script.
A sympathetic small boy: Papa-"Tha
picture shows the story of Prometheus an
the vulture that fed on his liver. Every da
the yulture desoured il and every night
grew for him to eat again" Child-"Poo
dear old vulturel How sick he must hav
been of liver everv day."-Rom., N. 7
Sentinel.
"Did YOU serve in the war, uncle?" "N'
sab; was cowardly niggah. l was
Kentucky niggah. And what did l want
list foh?n "Were not the white men fgh
ing for you?" "'Spose dey was? Mass
} did YOU ever see two dogs fightin' overbonei
:. .Well, what's that to do withyour fighting
"A heap, massa. Lid you ebber see de boz
fiyht3 ?" The questioner left amid gener
r laugh. ~ Corier-J Journal.
That donkey was seen by Yankee man,
8 Who raised his voice and ioud did hollt
"How much'll you take for that ere beast
In gold or silver CT paper 81
s An Arab came to the river side,
With donkey bearing an obelisk;
IL | II Y,pf fr ~ fnrN the tide.
= For he had to good an n.
d Biorustone Bjornstone, the Norwesi
e poet, Is writing new book of poems.
IS have the contract for printing it an'' have
# de,ed TOO pounds If lower case as" for
: emergency. One of the poems reals as
n lows: ....
D. Meet mje bjy moonlight, mjy dear,
., off THE might jir yjou MED hjave njo fJe
Yiou miay think this js ajwfuiiy aJne
I'd Biut TRUST Bjornstone Blornson, mjy dJe
nd Wilhemj Will setj thej abovej TO music
ly Gate City Nescs. ... ..
y "Ifeel," said the fat man, as they eros
the Ohio line, "that | am, in the land
:" statesmen. There is the smell Of 9 pOstof
:, In the air, and the low sweet sound Q
= consulate Is hes.d in the dewy distance.
~ see the shadowy form of marshals yet to
:. and out of the dreamy gates Of the impo
~ BILE see the sad procession of never to
= supreme judges. 1t Is dear and favo
~ land, this grand old step mother Of Pr
dents"