Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-10-26
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE.

Ahh 1Oeo VI ulduK1nQ-fJl06D.
PHANTOM fruit-Currents of air.
A LITTLE nut brown NADIA peanut
In a roaster.-Fat Contributor.
The cry of Egypt: "I want my
mummy. "-Harvard Lampoon.
The miners little effort: Il seek for
wealth In vein."
ANNA DICKINSON condeseends to play
Hamlet first. A melancholy deign.
The doctors are sharpening their
knives, preparatory to holding an autopsy
on each other.
OUT in Kansas, where wood is scarce,
men fence their lots with the ratings of
their wives.-BostOn Star.
HONESTY: Some niggers' honesty is
| regulated mostly by de spunk of de yard
dorg.- Uncle Nose.
IT has been discovered that Boston
editors have large mouths. Their an
cestors probably cut their brown bread
into too large slices.
PROBABLY the best way for the travel
ing public to deal with the train-rob-
bers is to get up a sort of Missouri COM
promise. Constitution.
WHAT is the differ ence between cotton
and wool? Give it up, Ell? Well, one
is grown down south, and the other is
grown on Southdown.
A NICE old lady, upon returning from
church last Sunday, said to her daugh-
ter: 81 wish you would have con-
munion oftener; [ think the wine does
my stomach great deal of good.
The editor of the Ansonia Sentinel
found covered basket on his stoop the
other night. But it contained nothing
but peaches. A mighty narrow escape
I-Danbury NeaOs.
A MINISTER had preached an hour;
then he remarked: "Another wide field
opens from the subject in another direc-
tion." Just then an old saint CALCULATED:
"Please, Lord, shut up de bars.
1t cost the government more to find
out who bit off Whittaker's ears than it
did to fit out the last Arctic expedition,
and now it doesn't Observation-Disclosures
| Ha,Ukeye.
A COUPLE of lawyers engaged In case
were recently discussing theissue. "At
all events" said the younger and more
enthusiastic, eve have justice on our
side" To which the older and warier
replied: "Quite true; but what we
want is the chief justice On our side"
NOWADAYS, when you see husband
and wife together in public, you make
up your mind that there are neither chill
dren nor lap dogs in the family If such
were the case, the husband would have
| to remain at home with the children
while the wife went out with the dog
Lowell Citizen.
A HEALTH journal says, "an attack of
hiccoughs may be stopped by hiding the
head under water It doesn't say how
long the head should be held under wa
ter, but we should think two hours
would be long enough to stop the worst
case of hiccoughs ever invented.
ristoaUn Herald.
''WHY are you late ?" asked an Austin
school teacher of little girl, who hung
her head and said: eve have got lit
tie baby at our house." "Don't let it
and the little girl said she would not and
took ner seat.-7eras Sittings.
"WHAT will be the next freak of fash
ion 2" says aLondon paper. "The other
evening lady appeared in one of the
stalls in London theatre wearing, in
stead of an opera cloak, scarlet silk
ulster, with enormous lappels; which
lappels, together with the cuffs half
foot deep, were turned back with white.
The effect was startling, but far from
pretty or becoming.
A DYER and renovator waits upon an
actress whose custom he is DESTROYS of
obtaining "I can give the best of
references" says the tradesmen; Sara
Bernhardt has employed me For years
past to remove grease for her" We'll,
my good man, you seem to have made
very successful job of it. !"
SOME people will place misconstruc-
ton upon everything. 1t is well known
that President Garfeld's life was insured
for $25, 00G in the New York Life In
surance Company, and just because that
company draped their building III mourn
ing and displayed card reading, GIVE
mourn our loss,' come papers are gig
Cling and trying to make something ter
ribly funny out of the fact.-DetroH
Free Press.
A GENTLEMAN passing through West
minister Abbey observed an apparently
devout person on his knees. It is true
no service was going on, but the oc-
cupation was at least, quite and harm
less one. A verger soon took note of
the irregularity, and, marching up,
touched the kneeler on the shoulder, IN
forming him that praying was against
the rule. "Why, SIR exclaimed the
verger with genuine disgust to by
stander, "if let 'em we should soon
have em praying ali over the place r
In Scotland the topic of y sermon OF
discourse of any kind is called by old
fashioned folks sits ground, " or as they
would say, 81 it's grund." An old woman,
bustling into the kirk rather late, found
the preacher had commenced. and open
ing her Bible, nudged her next neighbor.
with the inquiry, Sc What's his grund?''
ooh, reioined the other, who happened
to be brother-minister, and therefore a
privileged critic, "he's lost his grund
long since, and he's just swimming"