Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-06-25
MORE OR LESS FUNNY.

The bottle generally gets the
drop on the topper.
Barnum's big steer is no longer
able to travel. He is an off-ox.
The walking business is on its
legs.
Auclioneers are not aesthetic as
rule, but they are decidedly ut
ter.
How much beer does it take to
Philadelphia in hot weather
"Honest tea,' says an ardent
disrespector Of LIE Due, is the best
of policy.
A western editor wrote an arti-
Gle on Rhubarb, and the compost
tor made pi of it.
A Brooklyn girl speaks of one
of her fellows as her night-bloom-
ing serious beau.
The average woman is compos-
ed of 243 bones, 1863 muscles, %
old newspapers and 30 hair pins.
Silence is golden sometimes, but
when fellow fails to respond to a
dun it looks more like brass.
Bacteria is reported in the wa
ter at Chicago, and st. Louis in
tends to have the same in hers
right away.
What is home without a poet ?
It is a spot where there is no need
Of waste basket.
There are over $780,, 900, 900 of
national bank notes in circulation
and yet how often they elude our
grasp.
Said Byron: 81 hate a dumpy
woman" He meant to say he
hated to see a good thing cut
short. That was all.
They fine a man So for swear
ing in Avon, Ill. 1t is an expen-
sive job for man to try to thread
needle in that town.
The clam and oyster have retir-
ed to their beds for the season.
Do you suppose that's snooze.
One of our young ladies who
keeps an autograph album exclu-
sively for male signatures, refers
TO it as her "himbook."
If you want to get rid of an i'm
pecunious friend lend him five
dollars. Where will we get the
five dollars.
"And, O Ed9aad," said the
girl he was leaving behind him
sat every stopping place be sure
you write, and then go ahead
Lightning is killing a number
of men in Ohio this spring, but it
is hoped that enough may be spar
ed to keep the wheel of this gov
eminent revolving,
Notice at the door Of ready
made clothing establishment i'll
one of the poorest quarters of Par
is: "Do not 60 anywhere else to
be robbed: walk in here"
"See here, waiter" said Cauli-
flower, pushing away his egg-cup
with disgust, ~ don't want to
count chickens before they are
hatched."
A chivaIrous exchange thinks
when a man marries a widow he
should give up smoking. "She
gives up her weeds" be should be
equally polite.
A fat woman of Corinth, Miss,
drank ash-bark tea to make her
lean; and skipped for the better
land Just two hours before q lean
woman who was eating gum ara
bic to make her fat.
Not far from here there is ru-
raj resort known as Peppers Ho-
tel. An exchange says the guests,
after being mustered here, are
generally pretty well sailed. Why
are such things done?
An Ohio wag was recently kick
ed out of shape by the proprietor
Of bar-room over whose free
lunch he placed the following le-
gend: stomach pumps may he
hired in the lobby"
A rumor comes from Paris that
bonnets are to be worn on head
hereafter. 1t strikes us the head
would be a good place on which
to wear a bonnet, but such de-
parture will look little odd at
first.
A wealthy manufacturer of Con-
necticut having built an elegant
mansion and wishing to take Sc
cond wife, said to his architect:
(Which agrees best with brick