The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1881-11-18
A Modern Primer.

See the Lamp.Post. BY its Dim
Rays you can Behold the Electric
Light across the Street. There is a
Man Leaning against the Lamp-Post
Perhaps the Lamp. Post would Fall if
it Were not for the Man. At any
Rate, the Man would Fall if it Were
not for the Lanp-Post. What is the
Matter with the Man He appears
Disquieted. He is Trying to Work
his Boots up Through his Mouth. He
will have headache tomorrow and
Lay it to the Climate.
II.
The Girl is Scratching her Back
against the Door. She has Been eat
ting Buckwheat Cakes. Her Beau
thinks she is Delicate, but he has
Never seen her Tackle Plate of Hot
Cakes on Frosty morning. Cakes
had better Roost High when she is
Around. If we were the Girl we
would wear Sand.Paper lining in the
Dress, and not be making a Hair.
Brush out of the Poor Door.
III.
Here we Have Baby. 1t is com.
posed of Bald Head and pair of
Lungs. One of the Lungs takes a
Rest while the Other runs the Shop.
One of Them is always On Deck all
of the Time. The Baby is Bigger
man than his Mother. He likes to
Walk around with his Father at
Night. The Father does Most of the
Walking and all of the Swearing.
Little Girls, you will Never Know
what it is to Be Father.
".
The Peach is Hard and Green. He
is waiting for Child to come along
and Eat him. When he Gets into
the Childs' little Stomach he will
make things Hot for that Child. The
Child who eats the Peach will be an
Angel before he Gets chance to Eat
another. If there were No green
Peaches there would not be so many
Children's Sizes of Gold Harps in
Heaven.
Behold the Printer. He is hunting
for Pickup of half line. He has
Been hunting for Two Hours. He
could have Set the half Line in 20
Seconds, but it is a Matter Of Princi-
pie with Him never to Set what he
Can pick up. The Printer has q
Hard time. He has to set type all
night and Play pedro for the Beer all
Day. We would Like to Be Printer
were it not for the Night Work.
VI.
This is the Man who has had a No.
tice in the Paper. How Proud he 10.
He is Stepping Higher than a Blind
Horse. If he had Wings he would
Fly. Next week the Paper will say
the Man is Measly Old Fraud. and
the Man will not Step SO High.
VII.
This sorry Spectacle is Plumber.
He is ragged and Cold and Hungry.
He is Very, very Poor. When you
See Him Next Spring he viii be
very, very rich, wear Diamonds and
Broadcloth. His wife takes in Wash.
ing now, but She will be able to Move
in the First Circles by the Time the
Weather turns Warmer and the
Pansies Bloom again.
VIII.
Here is a Castle. 1t is the Home
of an Editor. 1t has Stained Glass
windows and Mahogany stairways.
In front of the Castle is Park. Is
it not sweet! The lady in the Park is
the editors wife. She wears Costly
robe of Velvet trimmed with Gold
Lace, and there are Pearls and Ru.
bines in her hair. The editor sits on
the front stoop smoking Havana
Cigar. His little Children are play.
ing with diamond Marbles on the
Tesselated Floor. The editor can at
ford to Live in Style. He gets
Seventy.Five Dollars month Wages.
Here we Have Piece Of Chewing
Gum. 1t is White and Sweet. Chew
it awhile and Stick it on the Under
Side of the Mantel Piece. The Hired
Girl will find it There and Chew 1t
awhile Herself, and then Put it Back.
In this way one Piece Of Gum will
Answer for a Whole Family. When
the Gum is no Good, Put it in the
Rocking Chair for the Minister or
your Sisters Beau to sit Upon.
This is Cock Roach. He is Big,
Black, and Ugly. He is Growing
over the Pillow. Do not say u Word,
but be still and Keep your Mouth
open. He will Crawl into Your
Mouth and You can Bite him in Two.
This will Teach him to be more Dis.
erect in Faturs.--Dmssr 7rtssns,