Smyrna times., 1881-06-15
Current Comment,
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS

"A New York man has been crazed bv
rum and milk. The milk man has boer
arrested
The czarina is reported to be as nervous
as the mother of three boys on the Fourth
of July.
The Burlington Hmckeye has discovered
mat the present ear of Russia is guarded
i'll his movements.
1t would be cheaper to wall in Ireland
than to attempt to arrest all the inhabi-
tants one at time.
A Cape May landlady who doubled her
prices this season has only thirteen rooms
dlsengaged. She and her daughter oc-
cupy the other two
Schuyler Colfax is writing for the uress
at s75 a column, pretty fair price con-
sidering he has never devoted his whole
attention to journalism.
Bennett is willing to sell the Herald for
S2,oOOOOO, but so few editors are willing
to risk that much on a New York paper
that no dickcr is likely to be made
DIR. Doremus has demonstrated that Gle
phants's milk contains less water than al
most any other kind.-Er. Very likely.
Elephants milk is not peddled around
yet.
Entomologists predict that raspberrics
will be infested this year by a new kind of
bug. It's poor year when entOmologists
cant scare up an interesting assortment OF
new bugs.
There Is fortune waiting for the man
who will invent a way to prevent light
ming from striking oil tanks.-HIlliams-
port Gazette. Cover the tanks with silk.
No charge
1t is to be hoped that some originality
will be shown in sea serpent lies this year.
Boston Post. Unless some one invents
new kind of fishing beverage YOU will he
disappointed.
\ rubber baby, which yells when spank
ed, is the latest invention. Childless fam
lilies should get supply at once. There
is nothing so suggestive of American
homelife as yelling baby.
Considering the number of weddings
which enliven June, the month of roses
should be known as the month of orange
blossoms. If that will not do, we might
change its name from June to Spoon.
t At one of the fashionable weddings in
/ London last month bride carried bou-
9 quet six feet in circumference. 1t is sup
posed that she was trying to hide two feet
f which the bridal skirts could not cover
: Country editors should not be blamed
for clipping their editorial matter from
exchanges. They have so much trouble
trying to collect their bills that they sell
dom have time to collect their thoughts.
Most of the men who rob and kill in
t New York are still at large, but the police
have captured 7-year-Old schoolgirl who
= threw a stone at another girl, and the de-
praved criminal has been sent to prison.
e The swell of the period looks exceed
ingly comical in the new style of spring
hat.-Ne,C York Nail. 1t would be diff
cult to invent hat or anything else in
which that individual would not look
comical.
Four Cubans dined at New York
hotel the other evening and their bill was
$36, not including wine. 1t is supposed
that the Cubans were little hungry and
y forgot that they were eating on the Euro
/ pean plan.
Franch barber says that in twenty
five years he has tried 500 hair restOra-
tives on bald heads and he has never seen
hair grow on head once become bald.
Cut this out and paste it on your bald spot
r before going to be shaved.
n Madame Gerster got six thousand dol
lars for singing six times at the New York
musical festival. The projectors of these
le musical entertainments don't seem to un-
le derstand economy. They could have got
y newspaper man to sing six times for one
half that sum-and he would have given
w the show a free puff, to boot.
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