Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-12-21
lie sEcRETARl.s .ISsPEcTIOY.v

THE SECRETARY'S INSPECTION"
And j. this q ship" asked the Sec
rotary Of the Marine 81 the nayy-vaTi.
Il have heard Of ships from my youth
up, and have long desired 70 see one.
PRAY, do they foat@~ Which end goes
frst1 Why not have one stick liz
stead Of three sticking out af the
decks Why j. not tha, stick upright
Ike the rest a,ke3 the Secretary of
the Commandment Of the maynard
pointing % the bow-sprit.
That j. the b0wsprit. said the
Commandment. -B5wsprit- never stick
up. They are meek and l7wlv I'm all
their WAYS
what are these holes for. asked
the Secretary, pointing u the open
hatchwav-. why have you made
such deep excavations In ,Lc vessel
The ship is built around these
holes said the Commandan,, "but
they extend no further than ,hc water.
IF they did the ship would ink.
Were YOU ever in storm az ,ea =.
asked the Secretary Of the Command
ant.
"Ouly once. replied the Command
ant. 1t was q typhooa in longitude
81 of the equator. We were blown
clean out Of tho water twice. and spun
for miles through the air ike bal
loon. ] shall never forget the terrible
appearance Of the sea as we looked
down upon It from the clouds We
got down safely % the water az last,
and tied the ship t. water spout. II
was a terrible time.
,"Deary. deary mc, said the Secre-
tarv, how interesting. And you lived
through il all. Tel rs some more.
But let nc inquire first. is the caP-tan
Of a vessel equal In rank 10 the cap
tain!'
IN ordinary times, said the Com
maudant, the captain outrauh- The
cap,tan. But the caP-tau Away takes
command Of tho ship when the anchor
is weighed.
Indeed, replied Tho secretary.
But where is your fourth castle /
do not behold any castle on board at
all
"Fourth castle, Fourth castle.
What do you mean, Secretary. asked
the amazed COmmandaut
why, in all sea tale I've read Of
the fourth castle said the Secretary.
ooh, YOU mean the iokc-.lc, said
the C0mmandant.
The what said the nystidol See
rotary.
'Foke-tlc. Fokcstle-pIaco where
the crew live. Down there, said the
Commaudaut.
"Why, It's hole, said the secretary.
Captain, | do not approve Of keeping
your men in such dark damp cellars.
THEY'LL catch The rheumatiz
And do the sailors really climb mp
,here, asked the Secretary, pointing
alof-"up those li,,lc ropc-laddcr= I!
How perilyus'
"Tbey dc" replied the Command
ant.
Il must improve on that, said the
Secretary, 81 will save the life Of
many gallant tar. Let all the MAST
be provided with hydraulic elevator
at shall be done, said the Com
aandant.
Call the officer Of the watch. sud-
denly demanded the Secretary then
rcmarking aside, "Ill show him that
J know something about ships
The officer appear
Officer said the Secretary, show
as your watches ] want to see if they
are all in good order.
"~ir, the watchcs were all cnt On
shore this morning to be cleaned, re-
piled the officer Of the watch.
That's pretty work. grosled the
Secretary. "Why, where's the ships
jeweler? How DO you suppose you
would have the correct time if YOU
were 10 keep an engagement with an
enemy"
1--WE should take the sun previously
replied the officer Of the watch.
II do not wish YOU TO take the Sun,
Numbered the Secretary. 81 will not
allow the sun to be taken Oh this or
any other United States vessel. You
DO not need the Sun. 1t is a villain
Gus, vicious paper-bright, and edited
with a certain amount Of Satanic abil-
ity, admit, but demoralizing to the
correct discipline of the navy If you
desire to take anything take the Even
ing Post or the Philadelphia Ledger.
Take good, heavy paper that will
serve to ballast both the ship and your
minds. Well, sir, if you have no
watches on board, show us your clocks.
You are officer Of the clocks as well as
the watches, are you not?'
aye, aye, STRIP said the officer Of
the watch.
81! I! What in the world makes
you so egotistical in expressing your
self? Why don't you say yes, sir, like
a white man p said the Secretary
Eyes, sir. But ] am sorry to say
that it was necessary to reef the pen
dulums Of all our clocks during the
last gale, and they've not been shaker
out vel"
"And what's all that banging for?'
said the Secretary. as it naval en-
gagement!"
1--WE are. firing the customary salute
r. : - -,