Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-03-11
A Model AuctiOneer.
Detroit Free Press. !.


A widow who was going to lsavs
the city held an auction Of her house-
hold effects, and everything went %
prompt sale until little but the bed
stead was left. just before this wae
put up some of the women went -
spying around, and discovered that =
was infested by bed-bugs. This fast
vas noised around until it came to
the ears Of the auctioneer, who
mounted his box and said: 1 !,
Words cannot express the POI
ancy Of my sorrow over the bsss
canard which has been put in cir
culation in this crowd. / have sold
goods in this town for twsnty-nino
long years, and this is the first in
stance in which bugs have been psy-
mitted to step between me and the
purchasing public. Ladies and ger
tlsmen, if there is q bug in or about
that bedstsad, I want TO see him. i
cannot and will not believe there 4.
It would be slander--a most foul
slander on the character of this wor-
thy widow, who is about to remove
to the State of Ohio"
Being invited to step down and
view the bugs for himself he made -
inspection. They were there. They
were galloping in and out and up
and down. and it was no use to dis
pute the fact.
Ladies' and gentlemen, /" said ~
auctioneer. as he resumed his posts
II found bugs; don't exactly -
member the Latin name for them.
but they are there. And now let
mo talk to ron - friend. ~ 4
buds were not made Tor : gAudy
show, nor were they made for : life
of ease; it is q Law OF nature that they
should inhabit bedsteads; they can
no more 60 out under the barn and
make living than . dogcan -
como an eagle and foat through
space. The aversion among yon to
this insect is founded on false prin-
ciples. His bite scarcely irritates
the sleeper. but it cleansss and puri-s
fies the blood. But for the bedbugs
of this country We should all have
boils and carbuncles. They keep
down warts; they cause moles to
disappear. Give them chance and
they would remove corns without
pain. The great"
FIFTY cents!" called an old woman
who remembered that she had 4 cali
for remedy at home.
i" Fifty cents! I am offered Hfty
cents for SO bedstead, and asl
was going to say, the great NapoleolB
always asked for bed with bugs -
it. am offered fifty cents, and yse
Caesar had his bugs. I am"
"One dollar"
"I am offered one dollar. and yet
the poets of Greece imortalized
the insects before you. The widow
tells mo that she has not had an
ache or a pain since the first bug
made his appearance. How many
of you have read what Homer wrote
of them? What was the fountain o.
Mozart's twelfth massf And yet
t.
"Two dollars"
"And yet I hear only two dollarsl
Do you have headache? And you
afflicted with giddiness . Do you
have roaring in the ears :"
"Three doliarsl"
"My friends, let me 20 homo and
got my copy of Paradise Lost and
read to you ono short chapter. What
did Milton"
-" Four dollarsr' b
"Ahl I begin to So that art and
culture are not unknown to the an.
diencs. Did Alexander the Great
have boils? Never, not onel And
why p
Five dollarsr'
~ am bid five dollars. ] would
like 10 quote one verse from wall
known Latin post. bat time prssseG
and this bedstsad ID sold for I've dol
lars, cash on tho nail. I will now
direct your cultured sttsntion 10
that cookstovs with cracked top."