Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-12-31
WIT AND WISDOM.

FoUR babies have come all at once to
Mrs. Tyler of Kansas, and each weighs
four pounds. 1t is supposed that Mr..
Tyler will lecture.
AN EXCHANGE wants to know "whether
our colleges turn out gentlemen" Ger
tainly not; the gentlemen are allowed to
go on and graduate.
IT is a little curious that when you
say q man is O hard drinker yOu really
mean that he drinks so easily that he
does it all the time.
A lover writes to his fair but tickle
fiancee: "I have wasted a choir OF paper
writing notes to you, and now ii musick
be the food of love it's played out
A PLUMBER recently got mad when he
heard some man speaking of South
American bird that is noted for its pipes
that nothing can beat.-PUck.
THERE are not many men in the world
who are as lazy as the dog who leaned
his head against a wall whenever he
| barked.
THE Oldest inhabitant is generally a
man; not because he is given to lying,
but because he commenced owning up
to his age sooner.--NetO Orleans Plea
yttle.
A MAN had better pass for cent in
the currency of his fellows and be worth
the money, than to go for dollar and
be sold out finally at discount of 99t
per cent.-StubenUitle Herald.
A WISCONSIN man stole thirty-nIne
sheep and a steer, but the warrant
charged him with stealing thirty-nine
steers aud sheep, and he left the court
room with all his reputation restored.
Nor TOO funny: ''Dwo vas schoost
enough, budt dree vas too blendty," re-
marked Hans, whel his best girl asked
him to take her mother along with
them to dance. Cdnabrid0e Tribune.
cit is said that the laws of this State
very closely resemble sausage" says the
Syracuse Herald. "You have great re-
spect for them until you know how they
are made"
NoLTAIRE, who is not always to be
trusted, spoke OF a physician as ga
man who pours drugs of which he knows
little into bodies of which he knows
less"
Texas complains of too many news
papers. It's getting so that a gentle
man can't take hand in lynching or
even join in free fight without having
his name in print.
"No," SAID the bank cashier, 'I did
not need the money. / wasn't specu-
lating. had no necessity for stealing
it; but, hang it. didn't want to be
called eccentric"
NERVOUS lady passenger on the train,
after passing temporary bidge-
"Thank goodness, we are now on terra
firma." Facetious gentleman" Yes,
ma'am. Less terror and more firmer.
NEVER forget that it is your duty to
laugh whenever you tiud anything to
laugh at. ga good laugh" so says
Charles Lamb, is worth a hundred
groans in any state of the market"
RATHER SLIM: "Save One Little Kiss
for Papa" is the title of the latest song.
If this remark is aimed at Chicago girl
with four steady beaux the old mans
chances are pretty slim.-Chicago Irf-
J,uae.
FINANCIAL and commercial: In mer-
camille houses it is always deemed best
to be cautious in crossing the ''t's" and
dotting the 'i's," but in broken banks
the defaulting cashiers chief thought
is to cross the s."-The Score.
ONE OF the precepts of the Talmud
urges a man to "descend step in
choosing WIFE," Many young fellow
in something of hurry, too-when on
that very errand. Buffalo Neacs.
CoLUMBUs, O., has developed crank
who knocks DOWN everybody he meets
wearing white hat with Grape band.
We don't believe in encouraging cranks,
but-well-if he should come to De-
troit-! !-DetroH Free Press.
If your congregation goes away
pleased with you, you may be sure that
your services have partaken of the
character of a mere performance but
if they go away displeased with them
selves then you have proof positive that
you have really preached to them.
DE politest man I eber seed was at
railroad depot. A fellow with lot OBJ
trunks on long thing wheeled aroun'
as though he was tryin' ter run over
everybody. Finally o man stepped up
an sez "I see yer has siderable trou-
BILE runnin' agin' people. To oblige yer,
I'll stan in front of yer machine"
In County Down countryman whose
old horse had suddenly died took the
skin to the tanner. The tanner said IN
the Scotch dialect peculiar to the dis
trict ''I Gamma gle you full price for
this skin its over sma'." The reply
was "That's quare. The aul horse
wore it twenty years and mair, and
niver made any complent about it being
over sma'."
The story is told of Senator Vance,
of North Carolina, whe was Confeder-
ate Colonel, that early in the war, in the
presence of trained officer, the men
being at support arms, he gave the
command, "Order arms, and the men
ordered arms. Why" said the officer,
Colonel, you can't do that" Cant
do that, replied Vance, 81 rather think
I have done it"
THE TRUSTEES OF Tecumseh, Mich,
passed an ordinance forbidding men
and boys to loiter within fifty feet of
church door. This was intended to
stop the practice of waiting at the vesti-
bule for the girls to come out, numerous
souabbles over the prizes having &C.