St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1881-12-31
Scissors.

Five per cent of married women quar-
rel with their husbands and thirteen per
cent. of all women quarrel with their
best female friends over the question:
Is the word scissors singular or plural?
When the hurried husband, anxious to
cut the ragged edges of his wristbands
before going to his business, cries out to
his wife: Gimme that scissors and
she calmly replies: "You should say
those scissors, my dear the peace of
the household is threatened; and when
the wife's most intimate friend says to
her: Il notice you always say those
scissors but Charles tells me that you
should say that scissors, 80 the reply
cuts asunder the friendship of many
years.
The chief trouble caused by scissors is
not, however, due to their disputed
grammatical rank. 1t arises from the
frequency with which they are lost.
There is no domestic article-not even
the tack-hammer, the bed-wrench or
the cork-screw-which disappears so
constantly as does the scissors. Not a
day passes in any industrious house
hold without at least one prolonged
search for the scissors. Curiously
enough, it is always discovered by the
one who wants the scissors that some
one else has wickedly or. carelessly mis-
laid them. MARY, You had my seis-
sors last; now where are they?' or,
"Susan, you didn't give me back my
scissors this morning; what did you do
with them9' are remarks which in sub.
stance are heard in nine houses out of
ten every day in the year. Of the shy
and vicious ways of scissors and their
proneness to conceal themselves little
note is taxed by the searcher, and her
first and uniform impulse is to assume
that her children, her mother, her sister
or her visiting friend has wantonly lost
the scissors. tM'
1t is, nevertheless, well known that
scissors lose themselves purposely, either
through unconquerable shyness or in
eradicable viciousness. Many women,
taking pattern by the habit which some
men have of labelling their dogs with en-
graved collars, try to insure the safety
of their scissors by attaching totthem
long redhor blue ribbons. The plan is a
useless one, even in the case Of thedogs
1t is assumed that when a dog has wan
dered from home and forgotten both his
masters name and residence, he will
twist his head over his shoulders and re-
fresh his memory by reading the inscrip-
ton on his collar, after which he will
gladly seek his home. Even were it
possible for dog to so twist his head as
to read what is engraved on his collar
a feat which any anatomist will declare
to be impossible-it does not follow that
the dog would instantly be smitten with
a desire to go home. Facts prove that
dogs with engraved collars lose them
selves at least as frequently as other
dogs, and that the collar is of no sort of
use except as an ornament. Equally
useless is the custom of tying piece of
ribbon to a pair Of scissors. Were the
ribbon attached to a ring in the wall, it
would, of course, keep the scissors in
commemorative is, if it were strong
enough-but as it is, the scissors simply
carry the ribbon with them into hiding.
Cases have been known of scissors which
have concealed themselves in holes, into
which they have carefully drawn every
inch of their accompanying ribbons, and
it is simply wonderful that women
should still cling to the delusion that
ribbon prevents the loss of scissors in the
face of the countless demonstrations that
it does nothing of the kind.
1t is the belief Of the best scientific
men that scissors find the light very
painful, and bury themselves under
beds and behind articles of furniture in
order to avoid the light. The Justly
famous Prof. Nasmythe, of Chicago,
asserts that on one occasion he sur
prised a whole school of scissors in the
act Of concealing themselves. The
scissors in question, of which there
were six, pelongedto Mrs. Nasmythe,
and had been left by her, on retiring to
bed, in her work-basket in the back
parlor On the first floor of the house. |
The Professor, on the evening in ques-
ton, had been attending the meeting
Of scientific club, and, returning home
late at night, discovered the six scissors
ascending the third-story
stairs on their way to the attic. They
moved silently on their points and with
heir handles in the air, and when he |
caught them and placed them for safe
Keeping in his bureau drawer they re-
NAMED perfectly motionless. They
we're found in the drawer the next
morning, and Mrs. Nasmythe does not
ret know how they. came there.
Having thus discovered that scissors
move by. alternately advancing their
points, the Professor has invented va
iety Of scissors which he claims cannot
move. The two blades are made pre-
isely alike, each having double edge,
nd are put together with spring clasp.
When not in use, the blades are sepa-
ated, and asneither blade car move by
tself-any more than one-legged man
an walk--neither can run away. Three
months ago he provided Mrs: ssssszsaaythe
Nth twelve interchangeable blades, IT
ne of which has ever been missed sa
ong as the blades were separated when +
aid in the workbasket. One pair of
ladies' was, however, carelessly laid
own while fastened together, and dis