Litchfield enquirer., 1881-05-19
CLIPPINGS.
The motto of the giraffe-Neck or nothing. Electricity in Franklin's time was won- 3or noyu wa make light of it.


 pIsss Ia ss..s' .ss V'el'p- sort 'f fiddle D'p+ 2 Young ladies and elephants attain their growth at eighteen. One trunk is enough for ap elephant. c X 1 It is terribly embarrassing to come into town from fishing excursion and find there l is not a trout Tn the market.
 Ig ''Pinafore" and the smallpox reached Hon. ,olulu and Japan on the same boat. They didn't mind the small pox very much '.No sir" said the prominent man, s.I won't have banquet rendered to me. Folks iwoulsithinls Ihad been mixed up'i insome ras calitiesg ' 2 IFS z .H HE E. 5 Dreary Nays skim milk mouth '~~ im When feebly does the pulse stir 'Taint warm enough for& calico coat, And you feel like fool in an ulster A St. Louis ma2 is mighty accommodating. He lay down and played dead SO that his friends could enjoy foot race between rival coroners. ; s~4--=A k Nitro-glycerine is recommended by med- ical journal for certain affections of the chest. Particularly those in which the chest resists the drill or the jimmy.
 5 Henry A. Wise of Virginia is said to have been the author of the phrase. 1.-The office seeks the man. not the man thesofice Add his name to the list of American authors of fiction.
 l ''Isn't that beautiful color ?" said the fish dealer. as he cut into large salmon. "Yes, said Flotsan, Fl suppose he is blushing at the extravagant price he is getting for him. self"
 "Oh, Lord," prayed Methodist minister, ''keep me humble and poor. ''Oh, Lord, if Thou wilt keep him humble' said the deacon, who next prayed, i've will keep hlm poor"
 Thousands of pounds of American honey are now shipped to France, and if any Gaul intimates that it is all adulterated, the ex- porter is ready to retort, ''Hvney soft qui nal ypense."
 "There is One thing that envy hog for, '" said Spencerton to the barber. ''He don't have to be shaved until after death'' ''Some hogs does and some doesn't" replied the ton sorial artist.
 P1ck thinks it would be very awkward just now if the Indians were to make al attack on the frontier. as pretty nearly all the United States army IS in New York attending the Whitaker trial.
 Bernhardt ayers that Americans lack vari- ety in physique, being all of one type. She evidently never saw Senator Davis and Ma hone side by side, with Justice Harlan and Alexander H. Stephens in the background.
 When poor Tom Hood was dying, he could not resist the temptation to say to a melan- choly clergyman who visited him, My dear sir-l hope your religion-hasn't disagreed with your"
 An ignorant candidate for medical honors having been thrown almost into fever from his incapabiity of answering the questions, was asked by one of the censors how he would sweat patient for the rheumatism II would send him here to be examined" he replied.
 At dinner host introduced to the favorable notice of the company a splendid truffled ! pheasant. Isn't it beauty ?" he said. 'Dr. So-and-so gave it to me-kiled it him. self" 'Ah, what was he treating it for p asked one of the guests
 The Princess Amelia Caroline Gasparine Leopodine Henrietta Louise Elizabeth Fran coise MaXimilienne, of Furstenberg, is the lady to whom James Gordon Bennett is re- ported to be engaged. When Jim gets her visiting cards printed in the job room he will have to read the proof himself. J Correspondents are notified that the sen- tence, "This sad event has cast gloom over the entire community" is kept standing in this office, so that it will be unnecessary to include it in reports concerning the demise of agriculturalists who fall from mowers or care lessly feed themselves into threshing ma. chimes.
 You must admit, Jim Webster, that you 1 stole those bullets" said the Galveston judge l to the culprit. ''Jedge," responded Jim, II | don't really believe stole dem chickens. In de fust place, Jedge. nobody saw me take
 lem. In de next. place dey could not be found | on my premises, because l had done hid dem chickens under de floor can't help believin', Jedge, dat is innocent!
 "Well, Pm getting about tired of this 'ere 1 life" said an ultra SD. cimen of the genus tramp Going half starved one day and ] drenched to the skin another; sleeping one night in barn, the next night under hedge and the third in the lookup; this life isn't I what it used to be. Tell yer what 'tis, boys.
 if 'twasn't for the looks of the thing, I'd go to
 work'
 l Jenkins had just seated himself to read his evening paper before yesterdays supper, when a howl calie up from the back yard I where his heir was playing with crowd of boys. Clearly rang out the voice of the jun 1 for Jenkins that if the Jones boy wouldn't be the horse he wouldn't play" Mr. Jen- kins calmly raised the window and announced: ''Young man, don't want to hear any of | that Roscoe Conkling business here in Massa- chusetts. You will be the horse yourself 1 this time or 1 shall withdraw your supper and send you to bed. You hear my message !'' The deadlock was broken.
 When Jay Gould was in Galveston, and, l accompanied by number of leading citizens, was inspecting the Cotton Exchange. a small boy was seized by one of the Galveston gen. tlemen just as the gamin was picking the great railroad magnate's pocket. "What did the little fellow do? asked Gould. "He 1 stole your pocket handkerchief, MT. Gould, | and am going to turh him over to pollce- man." Don't do that," replied MT. Gould, smiling good naturedly; ''et him go. We | had to start out in modest way myself
 when went into the railroad business" 1" and
 reaching down into his pocket, MT. Gould 1 took up quarter and gave it to the boy, to encourage him to aim higher. FROM THE DANBURY NEWS. A man was arrested in Bridgeport for l preaching and throwing stones. That man | knew Bridgeport audience.
 Singular o. Gallehawk has zoe nfrom Naug. | atuck to add hls door plate to the other nov. | elites of Bridgeport.
 The Milford barber is off duty from a sprained wrist, which shows what sort of a
 cheek MlIforders have got
 Bridgeport preserves it's peculiar reputation
 this week by hiring two bands to escort one
 corpse. It was a mistake of course, only one
 band being wanted, but Sport is away and | Bridgeport had to do something.