The Windham County reformer. (Battleboro, Vt.) 1876-1897, 1881-02-18
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ory was good. YES" was the reply-
ION some points it is extremely aecu-
rate, but on others, mast confess that
it is defective" Wont you give the
court an illustration" said the lawyer.
"Wsll," drawled the aged witness, 81
! clearly remember that ten years ago YOU
came 10 me and borrowed 800, but for
the life of me can't remember that YOU
ever paid me-"
It was the boy that was shingled that
called his mother stern parent.-( SOM
erUiite journal The other boy who VISA
shiDgled said his mother was cldl1ess
now. She has not left hair apperent.
Suspended animation. Two cats with
their tails tied together, hung over a
clothes line.
A Galveston widow is about to marry
her fifth husband. Her pastor rebuked
her for contemplating matrimony SO
soon again. swell just want you TO
understand if the Lord keeps on taking
them l will too," was the spirited reply.
Dominic II. was one of the old.times
circuit riders. whose rough exterior and
somewhat non-seciety ways often OBJ
scured his real goodness OF heart. One
day he was caught in shower in Hi
nos. and, going to ar de cabin near by.
he knocked at The door A sharp look
ing old dame answered his summons.
He asked for shelter. II don't know
you," she replied auspiciously. Re
member the Scripture" said the domi-
ME. "Be not forgetful to entertain
strangers, for thereby some have enter
tailed angels umawares" "You needn't
say that" quickly replied the other: mo
angel would como down here with big
quid of tobacco in his mouth!' She shut
the door in his face, leaving the good
man to the mercy of the rain and his
own refec,ions
An exchange combines great deal of
sound .ense as well as sarcasm in the
following ironical answer it gives one of
its subcribers: I'VE are aorry you don't
like this paper. We publish it simply to
please you. We should ask you to come
to the Office and edit it. only that if you
did some in;quitous idiot might write to
tell you how much better he could do it
himself. and that would annoy nervous
person like you"
"Well miss" said a knight of the
birch rod, .'can you decline ass?" Yes
sir, said the girl. dropping perplexed
courtesy. | can, but | hate to most
plaguily."
A Philadelphia merchant advertised,
boy Wanted" and the very next day
got one weighing twelve pounds.
"This," says the Oil City Derrick,
"shows the advantage of advertising.
An lrishman being asked on late tri.
al for certificate of his marriage, ex-
hibited huge scar en- the side of his
head. which looked as though it might
have been made with fire shovel. The
evidence was satisfactory.
A Georgia young man asked his sweet
heart whether she had ever read "Rom-
go and Juliet" She replied chat she
had read Romeo. but she did not think
she had ever read Juliet.
The late DR. Chaplin bad a pretty little
talent for puns. DR.. Emerson on one
occasion preached fer Dr.. Chaplin, and
on entering the pulpit, laid his silk hat
On the seat, and then laid a paper on it.
DR.. Chapin afterwards came in,snd, sit
ing down carelessly, mashed the hat
Arising and picking up the
nutlated pile, be contemplated it With
he remark, Il presume you thought
hat was silk hat; but now it is satn.n
Alcohol is recommended for cleaning
silver. 1t cleans banhnoles equally as
veil; in fact any kind of money it cleans
With surprising alacfity. For sale by
druggists everywhere. .-DanleJs0auile
Sentinel.
Miss Frances E. Willard, as the result
esult of investigation, reports that
rozen punch is not served to guests at
he White House, and stamps the story
hat President Hayes sips champagne
when away from home as a SANDER.
Husband GokinglD -"Oh. I'm the
main stay of <he family, Wife-"Yes,
md the jib-boom, and-and he-"Small
10Y. (from evperisnce) -''dnd the spank
II, 90, mamma"
"Dld you hear about the boy being
Washed ashore?" asked Gilbooly of one
he most prominent citizens of Calves
on. mo; when did it happen ?" This
novning." 'TIow was it?" .He was
Washed ashore by his mother You don't
uppose she would take him out into the
niddle of the Gulf of Mexico to wash
i'm do youp"
A good Methodist asked John Yves.
ay Whist he thought SIS to his marrying
certain weman, well. known to both.
Wesley advised him not 20 think OF it.
Why" said the other. "She is
member of your church, isn't shep"
Yes" was the reply. And you think
he Is truly Christian woman?"
Yes" said Wesley. / believe she is"
Well then why not marry herP" BE
ause" rsplisd Wesley-"because, my
riend, the Lord can live with great
lany people that you and | can't!'