Connecticut western news., 1881-01-05
WIT AND WISDOM.
D league-Three miles.

A LAND league-Three mnes.
 CLOTHES connections-A pair of braces.
 AN ELASTIC diversion-A rubber of whist.
 WHERE ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be blistered.
 A TRAMp's motto" A little earning is dangerous thing"
 A CINCINNATI wife-beater told the judge that it was liquor that made him lick her.
 THE Detroit Free Press pathetically remarks that there are more coffee fail- ures than ever get into the newspapers.
 WHEN one sees a man thrown from his saddle over the head of horse, he must recognize the power behind the thrown.
 GEORGE ELIOT said "When death the great reconciler, has come, it is never our tenderness that we repent of, but our severity"
 SIDNEY SMITH used to say that he never passed fat man without thinking of pork, nor lean one without thinking of twelve per cent. per annum.
 "TnoUsANDs have tried it and will never use any other," is the significant and pathetic encomium of cough bal sam which circulates in New England.
 A CALIFORNIA young man of 26 years has recently married @ widow of 72. We don't know the parties, but are willing to bet that the bride had prop erty. THE editor of the Leeds Mercury, an influential Liberal paper, has been knighted. How imposing it will be to hear the printers devil come in and say, "Sir Emery 'Amilton, ve wants more copy"
 IN petition to Santa Claus small boy in Troy wrote "Wont you pleas bring me for crismas nice torchlite procession on horseback so can ride myself"
 LADIES, says the London Truth, will be glad to hear that the 'shuttered frog" is the name of the last new color; it is rather lighter than heightened toad" or 'sangry mouse.
 IFA man and his wife were wrecked on a desert island and were barefooted, bareheaded, hungry and afraid, she could yet conjure up dozen reasons why he should make her Christmas present.
 IT IS advertised that @ young Italian lord of noble birth, but slim means, is @ waiter at one of the hotels. If he waits at all he's probably waiting to give some American heiress his title in ex- change for her hand and cash.
 "NEvER whine about the law belng wrong," says the Pittsburgh Telegraph, "but use your best endeavors to have made right" This advice, we dare say, is to the gentlemen in State Prison. No, to Congressman; but you guess pretty close.
 THERE is every indication that the Capitol at Albany will tumble down soon, and there is great uneasiness in the state of New York for fear 1t will fall when the Legislature is not in ses- sion, and thus be total waste.-De- troit Free Press. .
 EMMA ABBOTT tells newspaper that the stage kiss is l" "cold, dim, pale phan- tom--unsatisfactory elusive, ,and empty, Miss Abbott ought to substitute re- porter for that tenor. If there is any, thing reporter can throw soul into it is radiant kiss. d
 "MY WIFE lost her pocketbook with fifteen dollars in it, to-day" said sad looking man. When; going down town or coming home ?" asked some body. "When? Didn't tell you she had some money in it ?" demanded the sad looking man, and everybody knew when she lost it.
 NOBODY wants to be Secretary of the Navy for the remaining two months of Hayes rule. A man couldn 't.more than get the trick of walking with his feet wide apart, pulling his trousers up every little while and hailing people with
 "avast, there, messmate," before he'd become an ordinary landsman and then 2 those habits would make him appear ridiculous. A CITIZEN was awakened late one night
 by hearing a noise in his back yard On [ opening the window he espied man endeavoring to get large stick of wood E in his wheelbarrow. "Hello! What are
 you doing there ?' shouted the owner,
 "I suppose you would see man break his back before you'd come down an6 help him." coolly replied the thief. "Al right" returned the owner " don't for
 get to close the gate when you go out
 and don't wake me up when you com' 8 again, for if you do there Il be trouble. t JEWELLERS GonD. It is calculated tha