The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1881-03-16
The New Society Reporter.

party last night? askedt the clty eo1toi VI
q new reporter, whom he had engaged the
| day before and whom he had sent to
write up o social occasion.
"Not very WE'LL" responded the new
treporter, gloomily. 81 don't think
Brooklyn society is the top notch racket
asWhafs the matterg Ssrnsldsdth che
city editor. Didn't theysussycn weilg
II can't say they did FeioiaedEthe
new reporter. "Now, went up there
last night and waded right into thefrn;
ffasked for tie chairman u TIE \
told him We were laying out to swell their
heads in to-day's issue, and he'd better
skip in and introduce me to some OF the
high bugs if he calculated to have his
name mentioned in the report"
What did he say to that =" asked the
city editor, with a calm CLEAN in his eye.
"He wanted to know who sent me. l
told him the main guy Of this literary
bank had fred me in there, and that
when I'd got through shaking q leg I'd
like some facts about the lay out. If
he couldn't give 'em, I told him he'd
better get the secretaryto heel uppretty
lively, or I'd give the whole outfit q
| deal in the paper that would make him
think every hair on his head a band OF
music and all playing different tunes"
"And what did he say to that :" in
quired the city editor, the CLEAN deep
ening ominously.
"Oh, he said he would do what he
could for Inc. I told him he'd better
hop right ct it, and first I wanted to meet
the gals. If he calculated to hold the
friendship Of the Eagle, I said, he didn't
want to waste much funny business be-
fore he had me humping around in the
may. He said if I'd 60 upstairs and
take off my hat and o%refcoat, he'd see
me later"
"Did you do it asked the city edi-
tor, in q constrained tone.
"No. I said I wanted some grub
first. So lie took ME down in the front
kitchen and asked me if I liked
boned turkey. I told him I'd take a leg
and some Of the breast. What do you
think he gave me? Head-cheese! If
he didn't YOU can lick me. I couldn't
eat that, and so I asked him for q glass
of beer and a cheese sandwich. He said
he had some wine, so I drank q bottle
and put o couple in my pockets"
What did you do them Intercepted
the city editor, lingering a length OF
gas pipe.
Invent up to the parlor, and he said
I'd better take q description OF the scene
before I danced, and he gave me the
names. Here they are: Mary Monroe, red
frock, white sack and hair punched;
Emma Lathrobe, yellow dress and high
heeled slippers; Marion Willoughby,
some kind of thin stuff, white, and tied
up with blue tape, and hair frizzled;
Jennie Murchison, black clothes and q
feather in her hair; Ella Wexford, red
hair and gray suit, flat in front and stuck
out behind; Pauline Tresley-ltel ! you,
boss, she was o daisy. Bigger'n @ tub, and
dressed to the top branch. She had o n a
velvet outfit q mile long and sixteen rows
of teeth on her gloves. Her head was
dead yellow, tied up like a
bun, and had n lot of vegetables
in it. Florence Ross, green
dress, tipped with velvet and hoisted up
at the side with a white check rein !; Vim
ME Hammersly, white net work with red
streaks, walked with a limp and hair fres-
coed That's all I got. There a a lot
of old pelicans there, but I know you
didn't care for them, and as for the men,
I told 'em it would cost 'em O dollar
apiece to get in, and as they wouldn't put
up I showed 'em. I IAN state that they
were a cheap lot who don't know any
more about society than a fig does of
politics, and that'll teach 'em a lesson.
And + say, we'd better give the chairman
a rub. He didn't introduce me toa soil
tarv hen. Better say that he hasn't paid
his gas bill for seven months, and that
day before yesterday his accounts were
found short. What do you think
"Got any more about that party| de-
handed the city editor, rising slowly.
Nothing, only that the grub wasn't fit
to eat, though furnished by that popular
caterer, Mr.. Traphasener. told him I'll
give him a puff. You may say, too, that
the whole party was n dead failure on ac-
count of the v~illainous treatment to which
Il new society reporter was subjected
when he asked for q handful of cigars.
Say what have you got for me to do to-
nighty
mot Il thing" yelled the city editor,
as he brought the gasnine ac"1ss the new
reporters ear. You internal reptile.
don't you know that was one of the hest
houses in town and the affair the finest of
the season.
I'm going back to St. Paul" groaned
the new reporter, as he fell downstairs.
eff that's Brooklyn society I'm going
where they have some STYLE" and he
struck off toward the Northwest, largely
afoot.-Brooh!yn Eagle.
Coal is nothing else than ferns, MOSES
and sea-weeds, petritied beneath the
,urface of water in the absence Of dir.