Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-04-01

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THE NAUGHTY BUT NICE CHURCH
CHOIR.-You may organize church choir
and think you have got it down fine. and
that every member of it is pious and full
of true goodness. and in such moment as
you think not you will find that one or more
of them is full of old Harry, and it will
break out when you will least expect it.
There is no more beautiful sight to the
student of nature than church choir
To see the members sitting together, de-
mure, devoted and pious-looking, you
think that there is never thought enters
their minds that is not connected with
singing anthems, but sometimes you get
left. There is one church choir in Mil
waukle that is about as near perfect as a
choir can be. It has been organized for d
long time and never has quarrelled, and
the congregation swears by it. When tbs
choir strikes a devotional attitude it is
enough to make an ordinary Christian
think of the angel band above, only the
male singers wear whiskers, and the fe
males wear fashionable clothes.
You would not think that this choir
played tricks on each other during thr
sermon, but sometimes they do. The choir
is furnished with the numbers of tbt
hymns that are to be sung, by the minis
ter, and they put book-mark in the boo'
at the proper place. One morning they a
got up to sing. when the soprano turnee
pale. as an ace Of spades dropped out OF
her hymn book, the alto nearly faintt''
when queen of hearts dropped at hel
feet, and the rest of the pack was distrib-
uted around in the other books. The,
laid it on the tenor, bat he swore, whit
the minister was preaching, that he didn'
know one card from another.
One morning last summer, after the ter
OF had been playing tricks all the sprlns
on the rest of the choir, the sopran
brought chunk of shoemakers' wax a
church. The tenor was arrayed, like So!
oman, IN all his glory, with white pants
and a Seymore coat. The tenor got up u
see who the girl was that Came in wit
the old lady, and while he was up, the S,
prano put the shoemakers' wax on t
chair, and the tenor sat upon it. They
all saw it, and they all waited for the r.
suit. 1t was an awful long prayer, and tl''
church was hot, the tenor was no icebe,
himself, and shoemakers' wax melts at
degrees Fahrenheit. The minister inall
got to the amen and read hymn, tl''
choir coughed and all rose up. The chat
that the tenor was in stuck to him like I
brother. and came right along and Dearl,
broke his suspenders. 1t was the tenor e
bat, and, as the great organ struck up, hi
pushed the chair off his person, looked
around to see if he had saved his
pants, and began to sing, and the rest OF
the choir came near bursting. The tenor
was called out on three strikes by the UNI
pire, and the alto had to sail in, and, Will
she was singing, the tenor began to feel h
first base to see what was the matter
When he got his hand on the shoemaker
warm wax his heart smote him. and h.
looked daggers at the soprano, but she put
on pious look and got her mouth ready to
sing Hold the Fort" Well. the tenor
sat down on white handkerchief before
he went home, and he got home without
anybody seeing him; and he has been. as
as the saying is, ''laying" for the sopran"
ever since TO get even.
It is customary in all flrst-class choirs
for the male singers to furnish candy for
the lady singers. and the other day the
tenor went to candy factory and had a
peppermint lozenger made with about a
teaspooDful of cayenne pepper in the centre
of it. On Chris mas he took his loZenger
to church and concluded to get even with
the soprano If he died for it. Candy had
been passed around, and just before The
hymn was given out in which the soprano
was to sing solo, ''Nearer, My God, to
Thee, the wicked wretch gave her the
loaded lozenger. She put it in her mouth
and nibbled off the edges, and was rolling
it as sweet morsel under her tongue
when the organ struck up, and they all
arose. While the choir was skirmishing
on the first part of the verse and getting
scored up for the solo, she chewed up what
was left of the candy and swallowed it.
Well. if Democratic torchlight process
sion had marched unbidden down her
throat she conldn' t have been any more
She leaned over to pick up
her handkerchief and spit the candy out,
but there was enough pepper left around
the selvage of her mouth to have picked
peck OF chow chow. 1t was her turn to
sing, and she rose and took the book, her
eyes filed with tears. her voice trembled,
her face was red as spanked lobster, and
the way she sang that old hymn was a
With sweet tremolo. she sang
81 Nearer. My God, to Thee" and the con-
gregation was almost melted to tears AS
she stopped, while the organist got In
little work. she turned her head, opened
her mouth and blew out her breath with
whoosh. - to cool her mouth. The audi
ence saw her wipe tear away. but did not
hear the sound of her voice as she
''whooshed - She wiped out some of the
pepper with her handkerchief and sang the
other verses with good deal Of fervor, and
tire choir sat down, all the members look
ing at the soprano. she called for water.
The noble tenor went and got it for her,
and after she had drank couple of quarts
she whispered to him: ~ Dung mail, [ will
xet even with you for that pepperIr int
ess,dy if have to live thousand wears.
And DON'T you forget it, and they all sat
down and looked pious. while the minister
a most beautiful sermon on
!. Faith We exrect the tenor will be
blown through the roof some Sunday
and the cong regation will won
Sun.