The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1881-03-25
HuMoRs OF THE DAY.
A BLACK subiect-the coal question.

A BLACK subject-the coal question.
WHAT burns to keep a secret seal
ing-wax
ELECTRIC belles-female telegraph
operators.
THE spot for husbands with scolding
wives-Shrews-bury.
WHEN would a volunteer corps most
need a cook? When they have got a
range.
EVEN dumb animals exhibit attach
ment. The horse is always attached to
the vehicle which he draws.
-lN old farmer on being informed that
one of his neighbors owed him grudge,
growled out: :" No matter, he never
pays anything"
PAPER, in giving an account of a
shooting affray, says the wounded man is
expected to recover as the pistol-ball
lodged in his dinner pail
A STEAMBOAT captain, in advertising
for an excursion, closes thus: Tickets
be had at the captains Office.
''EAIPrY is the Cradle, Babys Gone,'
is the little of the latest serio-idiotic
song. 1t will probably be followed by
Empty Is the Bottle, Papa's Full. -
PR upon my tombstone, said the
dying man, IAN epitaph stating that /
was a scoundrel, thief, and brute Then
people will think L was a good man.
Epitaphs always lie So
q believe the jury have been inocu-
lated for stupidity, said testy lawyer.
THAT may be, replied his opponent,
$ bnt the bar and the court are of the
opinion that you had it in the natural
way"
LIEuTES ASr. CoaprASpFR GoRRISGE
says the obeiisk viii endure in our
climate for $, $40 years. We advise our
readers to remember this. They may
get the laugh on Gorringe in the year
10, 40.
ARE you good rider?" asked liv-
cry man. 81 am, replied the customer,
and Fst then the horse snorted, stood on
ITS hands, came down and bucked And
the custoRler went on, from his high seat
IN the haynrow: See how easily get
of.
''To what degree," asks an inquiring
friend Of Mr.. Beeeher, ''may person at
the present day be ignorant without
being guilty?" THAT depends on the
person, replies Henry Ward; .'some
people are born with genius for ignor-
ance.
By Autumn's crimson tinted;
n some people @ AUTUMN mn. leaves preserve
The meaning OF the gentle hint
The lover did discern.
And 80 he claspd her round the neck,
And glued his lips 10 her'n.
A LITTLE five-year-old boy astonished
his mother one day by urging her TO see
II his chin whiskers had not commenced
to sprout Another, standing before her
and looking up into her face, inquired,
Ma, what's the reason l amt a man
now? I've got iack-knife and pocket
book.
FREDDIE went to funeral When he
returned his mother asked where the
text was. He couldn't tell where it was.
but he knew what it was, and he re-
peated it: ''He's dead, and they went up
the road" The text was, MAN goeth
TO his long home and the mourners go
about the streets.
81 SHOULD like to know" said little
Allie, after church one Sabbath, ''what
makes the minister say what he does
always when he reads hymn" 'What
does he say?' asked mamma. ''Why,
he always says short Peter or long
Peter, or some other kind of Peter,
when there isn't a word about Peter in
the whole hymn -
THE TURKEY.
Proud bird Of the barn yard blithesome and free,
\ mUrderOus hludgeon is lowering DER thee
\ fl,et-footed urchin, hard-hearted bub,
Wlll hit you a rap with more'n a stuffed club.
Make the most of thy time for soon thouIt be
aud thine own precious head to the bIock'n be
brought
Then gobbiel and gobbIei and gobble away,
Thysen will be gobbled at distant day.
4 st Go thy soul and peace 10 thy ashes,
A dinner thou'lt make and cheap sundry hashes;
\ breakfast, perhaps, and Il light supper. too,
And then be dissolved in a thin, carcass stew.
A YOUNG lady at an evening party
found it aprOpoS to use the expression,
Jordan is hard road to travel" but,
thinking that to be vulgar, substituted
the following: "Perambulating progress
sion in pedestrian excursion along the
far-famed thoroughfare of fortune cast
up by the banks of the sparkling river of
Palestine, is, indeed, attended with
heterogeneous cenglomeration of un-
forseen difficulties"
AT lecture, the lecturer had occasion
to speak of the style the Turks have of
shaving the head all but tuft on top,
which, he said, was probably left to as
sist the resurrection angel in bringing
them up at the last day. Johnnie looked
up at the smooth, shiny head of his
father, and then whispered to his mother:
"Pap won't have any kind of a chance,
will hep