The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1881-06-30


SI year old Innocent Mamma, VIII,
j. Me- fisIieiovs called agrAss widow
N.nma Because Mr. Fickleloye died o.
ba lsa,r ny dear
A,luaska monument 20 a horse. thiei
issmpl stale Al The bead Of grave
aud q siga reading n, would have been
cheaper ior him 10 20 afoot
Troy lawyer asked woman on tie
witness stand her age and she promptly
r.pied Il sold milk for you TO drink
~he you we're baby, aud | haven, got
my pay yet,
'How is your wife. Mr. SMITH" SAYS
Sn "a pointing 70 where bis wife sat in The
mkt room At work on bis coat 'She's
,ew sew. Mr. Jones-"Oh. see she is
sen ling sure enough
4 South End father asked his son IL
he vas too tired or lame 10 20 TO Barnum's
circus. aud when the boy said mo. " told
him 70 go and bring up hod OF coal And
be couldn't say he wasn't able.
Probably the meanest man on record
Aeeps boarding house in San Domingo
An earthquake turned the editice clear up.
side down, aud the very next morning he
began charging the garnet dodgers first
hoor prices.
An old bachelor was counting widow
aud both bad sought the aid OF art TO give
their fading hair darker shade. That's
going 10 be an afectiouate couple, said a
wag. How sou They arc dying for
each other already
Carlyle being once asked the difference
between natural fool and an educated
fool, replied: Just about tho difference
between you aud me | suspect The
1uestioner was never able to determine
which kind OF a fool he was.
There's one thing like about the
Nv version, said old Blunderbuss That
riett about the boy being father to the
man' Is loft out altogether. | always
thought that was wrong end to- And he
dldnl know why the smile went round
-Artemus Ward once told us that the
funniest story he ever heard, was about an
iuebriaied reporter, who leaned over the
railing Of tho reporters gallery in the
English house Of lords aud inquired "Will
shum noble'or pleas 'shiDg comic shong.
Mr., Smith, you said you once off
cIatsd 10 the pulpit Did you mean by
that Won preachedg" mo, sir; held the
lgh, to the man that did preach 'Ah,
the court understood you differently. II
supposed that the discourse came directly
from you" mo, sir; only threw light
upon it.
Law Professor what constitutes
urSlaryp7 Student There must be
breaking Professor Then, II man
enters your door and takes five dollars
rom your vest pocket in tho hall, would
that be burglary" Student--"Yes, sir,
because that would break me.
How to train tomatoes" is the subject
Of Al agricultural disquisition. il is easy
enough. All you have to do, il tomato
misbehases ia company. is TO mash the
staiin ont Of it" 1t may look little seedy
for whilo after. but this course OF train.
ing viii bring it to its pulp in hurry.
This is getting TO be we'll -padded
world. There are horse. pads, foot pads,
hip pads, liserpads, back pads, kidney
pads. lungpads, and stomach pads. and il
isexpected that somebody will get up
pal Tor bald Leads. As the Du,chman
misht say. "Dis is too pad. "
But DO you know, pa. said the farm.
~ daughter, when he spoke to her about
the addresses Of = seighbor's son; you
kaow, pa, ma wants me 10 marry man OF
ealtare. 80 do 1. my dear, so do l. and
there Is no better culture ia the country
than agriculture.
Ala country hous. near London,
young man Was sitting in tho morning
foom when he heard steps in the hall us
that you. mo,herl' lac asked The answer
came in the sruf voice Of the Irish cook
who, with most deliciously Hibernian
mingling Of personalities, replied, mo.
rs not me, my sonl'
II lnsl went ont 10 see a friend for
moment remarked Jones to his wife the
other evening A. he returned to his seat 10
the theatre. Indeed, replied Mrs. j..
aIth sarcastic surprise, II supposed. from
the oior Of your breath, that you had been
ont TO see your worst enemy" Jones
WINGED
A young man who lives 10 Austin aud
whose mnsiache is. like faith, 'the eyi.
deuce Of things hoped for. the substance
al things no, yet seen, called on his pros
pcc,iye father in-law, add gave notice that
he intended marrying the old sentleman's
daughter at an early date. 1T had better
take place On some SATURDAY, 80 tina, !,
viii no, interfere with yoar school hours.
sAreastieally remarked the old man.
Jimmy Tuffboy has resigned The
appointment Of new cook by his
mother and the chances Of her
confirmation by the "old than Was ahou,
10 leave him in the cold. lie has long had
TIE raa Of the eooky jar. and distributed
lis ''paironAgs" 70 the bors in the neigh
hood natal be bad become the scknowl-
edged political boss The new arrange
meni was intended Is q check 10 his i'm
perial tendencies. and be just wont play