Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-12-15


tic Prison Life by Playing the "UmPah-"
A small boy leaned out of the rear
third-story window of his fathers house
in Brooklyn, looking at the sky, and at
times breaking out with the song, I'm
the North Sea Lived Whale" His
noise attracted his newspaper ,neighbor,
who also leaned cut and said, "Well,
George, how are your
Else prisoner locked up on bread
and water" George replied, "just cause
/ didn't know it was loaded. You see,
father was in the army, and last week
when you heard him frin' off his pistols
he was shootin at a cat. He shot five
times, and the cat looked up and smiled
when he got frou'. Says /, father, did
you ever kill q man when you were SOL
dier? thinking, you know, that he
couldn't shoot fur cent. He says, i
s'pose So We'll, ] says, you muster
bin close enough to hit him with an Ak !
and he sent me into the house. Well, /
seed where he hid his pistol in his over
coat, and yesterday got it out, an there
was an accident. / felt sure 1t wasn't
loaded, for didn't hear father fire it off
putt under my piller, n l waited for
supper to be over, cause l wanted to
scare the girls Girls always holler
when they see pistol Well, our min
lister come to tea. Ministers are the
greatest hands to come to tea it's half
their work to go round an eat supper
with the ladies. Father went down to
the convention, and Bess and Lily,
them's the girls, went into the parlor to
see the minister didn't get sleepy. 'Bess,
says |, lend me your blanket shawl fer
few minutes. l want to be Indian
brave. l wrapped the shawl round me,
put fathers cane over my shoulder fer a
gun, n then got the pistol, n crept
softly down to the parlor 80 they wouldn't
know Indians was skirmishin, round
their camp. pushed open the door, n
there was the minister and Bess sittin'
at opposite ends of the sofy, n Lii was
crocheting lamp mat. All was still, n
says, The hour has come. Then |
give three war whoops, n rushed in n
said, Surrender, or l shoot / There was
panic. The girls went into Mysteries,
N the preacher said, My son, mebbe
that pistols loaded.
Says /, 'S'render, pale chief, or I'll
shoot yer dead in yer tracks. They all
made a rush at me to take the pistol
away, n fired. Lordy, what noise.
/ was skeered most to death. The
bullet went into picture of the
signers of the Defamation of In
dependence, and took off the head
of one of the signers. The preacher
turned pale N said / was wicked boy.
[ knowd it, n / knowd what / was goin
to ketch. The girls cried like as though
there was fun raj, n l was whipped. /
dreamed all night was fightin' the In
dams, n when | woke up this mornin' l
felt sure my name would be In the
papers. They gave me bread n water
for breakfast, n wouldn't let me see
newspaper. So thought I'd escape. |
tore up the two sheets, tied one end to
the bureau drawer, aud was climbin'
down like folks do at fire, when some
thin gave way. fell about a thousand
feet, thought l come down so hard, /
hit the stone area, n it seemed to me as
if it was night and was lookin' at
million stars. l didn't know nothin for
a minute. Then | come to"
"What broke 2"
"Nothin' broke the bureau drawer
come out | oughter tied on to the gas
fixture. Father wouldn't give me n
newspaper, but he gave me another
lickin' and some more bread and water.
| s'pose now I'll be month on bread m
water.
But you mustn't make so much
noise. .
That was op'ra was singin'. Don't
you like op'ra? Well, you don't care if
play the umpah ~
What is the umpah q
"Why, didn't You ever hear brass
band going down the street? One man
with little horn goes 'Ta-te-rent- ta-ta.
ta-ta, and man with big horn goes
um-pah, um-pah, UNI pah. That's the
umpah | play"
As the neighbor drew in his head the
small boy began on the "umpah," and
he was playing it when the reporter
went away.-NeO York San.