Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1881-06-22

THOSE CARPETS The annual ceremony
of taking up and whipping. and putting
down carpets is now upon us. 1t is one of
the Ills which flesh is heir u. and cannot
be avoided. You 90 home some pleasant
spring day, ut peace with the world and
find the baby with clean face. and get
your favorte pudding for dinner. Then
your wife tells you how much younger you
are looking, and says she really hopes she
can turn that walking suit she wore last
fall, and save the expense of n new suit,
and then she asks if yan can Just help her
about taking up the carpet If you are
fool, and you generally are by that time.
you tell her of course you can, just as well
AS not. Then she gets saucer for the
tacks, and stands and holds it, you get the
claw, and get down on your knees and
begin to help her You feel quite econo-
mical about the first three tacks. and take
them out carefully, and put them in the
saucer. Your wife is good about holding
the saucer, and beguiles you with an inter-
esting story about how your neighbOr's
boy is not expected to live till morning.
Then you come to tack with Il crooked
head and you get the claw under it and
the head comes off, and the leather comes
off, and the carpet comes off, and as it
won't do to leave the tack in the floor rs it
will tear the carpet when it is to be put
down again, you go TO work and skin your
knuckle, get silver under your thumb
uati, IL tou yv,,. - 'io to sl',.S ~. ,.t.ut
that everlasting boy, and make up your
mind that it does not make any difference
about that tack, and so you begin on the
corner where the carpet is doubled two or
three times, and has been nailed down
with single nail. You don't care con.
tinental about saving the nail, because you
find it is good time for the practice of
economy; but you do feel little hurt
when both claws breaks off from the claw,
and the nail does not budge peg. Then
your manhood asserts itself, and you rise
in your might, and throw the carpet claw
at the dog, and get hold of the carpet with
both hands, and the air is full of dust and
flying tacks, and there is II fringe of carpet
yarn all along the mop-board, and the
baby cries, and the cat goes anywhere,
anywhere out of the world, and your wife
says you ought to be ashamed of yourself
to talk so-but that carpet comes up. Then
you lift one siie of the stove, and your
wife tries to get the carpet from under it,
but can t because you are standing on it.
So you try a new hold, and just after your
back breaks, the carpet Is clear. You are
not through yet. Your wife don't tell you
any more little stories, but she gets your
old coat and hangs it on TO you, and smoth-
ers you with that carpet, and opens the
back door and shoves you out and init
mates that the cmpet needs whipping.
When you hang the tormenting thing
across the clothes line the wrong way, and
get it righted, and have it slide off in the
mud, and hang it up again, and get half II
pint of dust and three broken tacks snap
ped out of the northwest corner into your
mouth by the wind, you make some obser-
vations which you neglected to mention
while in the house. Then you hunt up a
stick and 90 for that carpet. The first
blow hides the sun and all the fair face OF
nature behind cloud of dust and right in
the centre OF that cloud, with the wind
square in your face, no matter how you
stand, you WELD that cudgel until both
hands are blislered aHd the milk of human
kindness cur lies in your bosom. You
can whip that carpet longer or shorter
period, according to the size of your mad ;
it don't MAKE any difference to the carpet
it is just as dusty and fuzzy, and generally
dsagreeable as it was when YOU commenc-
ed. Then you bundle it up with one cor
ner dragging, and stumble into the house
and have more trouble with the stove, and
fail to nnd any way of using the carpet
stretcher while you stand on the carpet
and fail to find any place to stand off from
the carpet and you got down on youl
| ,,,ltIn h,lHy