The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-12-02
A Modern Primer.
Denver Tribune.

See the Lamp Post. BY Its Dim Rays you
can Behold tho Electric Light across the
street. There is Man Leaning against the
Lamp-Post. Perhaps the Lamp-Post would
Fall If it Were not For the Man. At any
Rate, the Man would Fall If 1t Were not for
the Lamp-Post. What is the Matter with
the Maa9 He appears Disquieted. He is
Trying to Work his Boots up Through his
Mouth. He will have a Headache to-mor-
row and Lay it to the Climate.
The Girl Is Scratching her Back against
the Door. She has Been eating Buckwheat
Cakes. Her Beau thinks she is Delicate, but
Re has Never seen her Tackle Plate of Hot
Cakes on Frosty Morning. Cakes had bet
ter Roost High when she is Around. If we
Were the Girl We would wear Sand-Paper
lining In the Dress, and not be Making
Hair-Brush out of the Poor Door.
III. 4.
Here we Have Baby. 1t is composed Of
Bald Head and pair of Lungs. One OF
the Lungs takes Rest while the Other runs
the Shop. One of them is always On Deck
all of the Time. The Baby is Bigger man
than his Mother. He likes to Walk around
with his Father at Night. The Father does
Most of the Walking and alfof the Swearing
Little Girls, you will Never Know what it Is
to Be Father.
The Peach is Hard aud Green. He is
Waiting for Child to Come along aud Eat
him. When he Gets into the Child's little
Stomach he will Make things Hst for that
Child. The Child Who eats the Peach will
be ali Angel before he Gets chance to Eat
another. If there were No green Peaches
there would not be so many Chlldren's sizes
of Gold Harps in Heaven.
V.
Behold the Printer. He Is Hunting for a
Pickup of half Line. He has Been hunt
ing for Two Hours. He could have Set the
half Line in twenty Seconds, but 1t is q mat
ter of Principle with him never to Set what
he can Pick up. The Printer has Hard
time. He has to set type all night and Play
Pedro for Beer all Day. We would Like to
Be Printer were it not for the Night Work.
vi.
This is the Nan who has had Notice In
the Paper. How Proud he is. He is Step
pNg Higher than Blind Horse. If he had
Wings he would Fly. Next week the Paper
will say the Man is Measly Old Fraud, and
the Man will not Step SO High.
| VII.
This sorry Spectacle is Plumber. He is
ragged and Cold and Hungry. He is Very
very Poor. When you See Him Next Spring
he Will be Very, very rich, wear Diamonds
and Broadcloth. His wife takes in Washins
| now but She will be able to Move in the
First Circles by the Time the Weather turns
Warmer and the Pansies Bloom again.
| .. 70. VIII.
| Here is a Castle. 1t Is the Home of an
Editor. 1t has Stained Glass windows and
Mahogany stairways. In front of the castle
is Park. Is 1t not sweet9 The lady il
| the Park Is the editors wife. She wears &
II
| Lace, and there are Pearls and Rubies in he
hair. The editor sits on the front stool
smoking Havana Cigar. His little Chill
dren are playing with diamond Marbles oil
the Tesselated Floor. The editor can affort
to Live in Style. He gets Seventy-Five Dol
lars q month Wages.
TX.
Here we Have Piece Of Chewing Gum
1t is White and Sweet. Chew 1t awhile ant
Stick 1t on the Under Side of the Aantl
Piece. The Hired Girl will find it Their
and Chew 1t awhile Herself, and then Put
Back. In this way one Piece of Gum will
Answer for a Whole Family. When th'
Gum is no Good, Put 1t in the Rockin!
Chair for the Minister or your Sisters BE a
to sit upon.
Y.
This is a Cock Roach. He is Big, Blac
and Ugly. He is Crawling over the Pillow
Do not say word, but be Still and Kee
you Mouth open. lie will Crawl into You
Mouth and You can Bite Him 10 Two. Thi
will Teach him to be more Discreet In Fr
ture.