Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1881-07-29
Only a Joke.

\ tailor not far from Petticoat lane
got hold Of red-hot idea the other
day. He heated up his goose to the
bllstering point and placed it on Il
| bench II his door with Il sign reading,
"0nlv sixpence.' In a few minutes
along came an ancient-looking Isralite,
with an eye out for bargains, and, as
he saw the goose and read the sign, he
made up his mind that he struck it
rich. He naturally reached out to
heft his bargain, and that was where
he gave himself away The tailor al
most fell down with his mcrriment,
but it did not last over sixty seconds
4 At the end Of that time the victim en-
tered the shop and began n sort of
gymnastic performance which did not
| end until the tailor was sadly mashed
man and his shop in the greatest con-
fusion. The two were fighting in front
when an officer came along and nabbed
both, and both were brought before his
! honor together. The tailor appeared
with Il b ack eye and finger tied up
4 III i red rag, and the Israelte had a
1 scratched nose and was minus two
I front teeth.
'Well?" queried the court rs the pair
stood gazing at him.
'sShcll, | shall speak first replied
the tailor, ~ like to- have shoke
sometimes und SO put dot goose oudt
deere. 1t vhas all in funs, und | am
VERY sorry"
Il couldn't see wher de fun cum in, :"
said the other. dis we're han all
burned 70 i blister, an | won't be able
to nse it for two weeks"
Did you put that hot goose out
there for Il joker queried the court.
'tGaw-lt vhaS only Il shoke."
And were you Joking when YOU en-
tered the shop and made things hum?"
he asked of the other
NO, boss, ! wasn't | am an old
man and not much giben TO latin, an
cuttin' up. When let 60 Of dat goose
made up my mind to mash dat tai
Tor latter dan a billyard ball 1t was
my first fout for ober forty YRS but I'd
got de bulge ON him an was usin' him
up when de officer stepped in. No.
boss, wasn't jokin' bout dat time"
Were you very tickled ?" he queried
of the tailor.
.'Vhell was tickled until he pitch
into me-"
You were the only one who had any
fun ont Of it 2"
"Nhell, / 'spose So"
Then you'll have to foot the bill.
shall let him go and fine You 4os. -
Dot ish poorly high"
Yes. but it was rich joke, you
know"
Maybe she vhas, but l guess l let
dot goose cool off now. Here is forty
saillings, und now shall go home.
bid you good day.
The American railway system is ac-
| knowledged in the ascendant by the
English press. Appropos of the late
murder on the Brighton line the Lon
/ don Standard says: The murder of Mr..
/ Gould will again arouse the controversy
between passengers and guard which
/ the murder of Mr.. Briggs, In 1864 first
started. The bell and telegraph cord
! are all but useless, A determined rob
| Der or murderer Will take care that
/ these interruptions to his task are not
available before he begins work At pre-
sent they are merely put in requisition
by nervous women and timid men. In
express trains, which often do not stop
more than once in an hour or an hour
and half, a rutfian, rogue, fool or mad
man may safely murder, rob, drug, as
sault, or insult before the guard could
make his appearance. The American
system of gangway throughout the
whole length of the train, or the Cont
mental plan of an outside platform,
along which the conductor is always
passing examining tickets, are obnox-
ious to a Briton's taste for privacy But
murders like those of Mr.. Briggs and
Mr.. Gould. and outrages less vile,
which must be still fresh in the public
memory, will, in time, reconcile us to
some sacrifice of seclusion in return for
reasonable safety during railway jour
ney.