Daily Republican., 1881-03-10

WnAt Ar0 OtnouuA aius IA soSutanB
praotio-'"
Irregular attendance at church, and
the employment of another man to
rush mp the aisle during services, and
call you out every other Sunday"
"Cui bono,"
"That's Latin"
,s"Right you are"
whats the continual calling and
ringing forr
"To develop the idea abroad of q
large practice.
"what are necessary qualities in a
physioian'" All
ITO lock wise, talk little, remain
non .committsl as to the nature Of the
disease, aud impress upon the friends
of the patient his exceedingly critical
condition."
"What class of patients should be
encouraged in developing imaginary
complaints"
"Women with nothing to do and lots
of money 10 do it with
"Corrsct."
"You'rs bound to have "a extensive
and profitable pr aotiee within period
Of two years.
Here's your diploma. twenty-five
dollars, please"
DESTINED TO CREATE A SMILE.
AsorHRR TYPOGRAPHICAL BRRoR, The
gentleman who had been OF for o
fishing excursion, and sent paragraph
to the local paper, saying that "Ar.
Jones has sent home fine mess OF
speckled beauties, could not account
for the warm reception frsm his
wife until he reads that Mrs.
Jones had been fined and sent home
for mess with some frscklsd beauties.
And then he went for the Newspaper
man with rod.
"Dearsst Plummer, | love you with
al, the deep devotion of my sex. Your
image is intellectually sngrsven on the
tablets Of my memory and in my heart
The love | bear for you can never.
never die. But am extravagant,
wildly ambitious to shine in society,
to sh beside the jeweled queens OF
fashion, to dazzle all eyes with price
less gems, aud SO dear Plummsr,
must marry the miner,
BRowS "Ah, good-day, Smith. Juat
lend me a." smith: "No I've lent
Won quite enough, you owe me over
Ave pounds now" Brown: but l only
want = pen" Smith: penny OF
pound it's all the same to me. Brown
"But | want q pen and ink to write
ont . check, but as you won't do &c
I'll call another day. Ta-ta." Smith
wishes he hadn't been in such hurry
now.
A CONVENIENT arrangemsnt.-A young
lady and her lover were accustomed to
meet for q quiet to te-a-te.ts on an un.
freuuented haif.mile race-cOurse. When
questioned as to the reason for choos-
ing this particular locality, she blush
ingly replied, "Oh, sometimes We are
interrupted; and then John walks Of in
one direction and in the other, and
mest on the opposite SIDE"
BEfxs at an inn, and seeing the
hostler expert about his horse, q gen
tlsman asked him what countryman,
he was. "I'se Yorkshire" said the
man. ''And how long have you lived
hsre!" Sixteen years." vi wonder thai
in all that time so clever 3 fellow as
you hss not made enough to set up an
inn your SELF" "Ay. sir; but master
Yorkshire too"
She (pewly married and do
ing wonders in the housekeeping de
partment): "And do you know WHY
the tea ia 80 good Because l put tiny
pinch Of soda in the pot. Pray, sir
before you were married did you eve
put anything in your teal" He: "ies
l used to put little brandy" Vio-
lence.
At a recent Sunday session, the gu
perinteDdent was talking about idols
when, to ascertain whether the children
were understanding what he was say
ing, he asked: "Children, what ia ar
idoli" "Being lazy;" was the loud
and quick response Of one OF the mem
bers Of the Juvenile class.
Miss Jones was about to
marry a military otioer, much to hel
mothers displessure, "Why, my
child" said the latter, "don't you
know that war may be declared at any
moment, and take him away fereveri''
"Very well," was the answer; ga wi
dow Of sevsnteen--what could By more
poetiei"
Lady: "How is it you stand talking tc
the post man SO long every morning
Mary" Mary: "Plesse, mum, he's my
sweetheart" Lady: "Ah, Mary,
sweetheart's are the primevil cause 81
all SORROW" Mary: "Wsll, mum, il
they's the prime evil, don't want nc
better nor wusser."
A distinguished and long-winded
Paris lawyer lately defended crimi-
nal unsueoessfully, and at the end Of
the trial, the Judge received the follow
ing note: "The prisoner humbly prsys
that the time occupied by the plea Of
the counsel for the defense be counted
In the sentence"
Two fishers were talking. ~ have
found splendid place for fsh recently
"a new place, where they bite like
anything" "AA, have youi Where
ia it!". "a little above Ssvres. was
there yesterday" "What did you
catehq' "The six.forty train coming
home"
Don't you suppose We could get up
. home for the frisndlsss, IL. our VI
lsge'" asked \ clergyman Of one o, a's
"Thst would depend, !
suppose on the number Of friends for
'hs homeless that we have among u.s."
was the answer.
I'm Favor Of Temperance.
At noon on TUESDAY . deputation Of
aides Of the Ns.tional Womet,s Chris
Ia In