National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1881-06-01
FOR THE WOMEN.

FOX The WOMEN1
Sorry her lot who loves two swells.
1t is dangerous to ask a woman idle
questions when she is adding up grocery bill.
Hanging is capital punishment-es-
pecially when you're hanging on some good-look-
ing girls arm.
-"Yes, Agnes, Pm going to have a
cream -colored summer silk, provided pa doesn't
veto the appropriation ma has passed"
Debating clubs are anxiously worry
ing themselves over the problem, which has the
most bones, a 81 corset or fifty cent shad?
-" In the bright complexion of my
youth I'll have no such word as pale" and she
reached for the rouge box with the clutch OF an
angel.
"A Louisville advertisement runs:
"Ice cream S1.25 per gal" That may be the gen.
eral average out there but the yOungmen of Wash
ington couldn't stand it.
"A young lady graduate may in after
years. forget the title of her essay, but she will
always remember how her white dress was made
and trimmed.
ct can't go to Europe" lady is re-
ported to have said 81 am reading forty five con-
inued stories, and my limited means would not
let me pay the postage
The fool goeth out in sail-boat
when he doesn't know a boom from breaker, but
the wise man picks up pebbles on the shore and
tiirts with the girl in pink dress.
They were having a family set-to,
and she asked him if there was anything in the
past that he would like to recall and he heartessly
said: Yes; the day when you first refused me-"
"A seaside belle left her bathing shoes
hanging out of her hotel window to dry, and the
next day the local paper announced I" that such q
hotel had put up new awnings of an antique de-
sign"
1t is not safe to argue that revival OF
business is at hand just because your wife has sue
ceeded in disposing of your second-best suit of
clothes in exchange for a great plaster Of paris
parrot with tomato colored beak.
"A hairpin is very useful article to a
woman. ItserVes the purpose of toothpick, button
hook and hair fastener; but all this is excuse
for having one in your vest pocket when your wife
doesn't know where it comes from.
"A Yankee woman recently married
Chinese laundryman, and in three days there
after the unhappy Celestial appeared at BARRIERS
shop and ordered his pigtail to be cut off, saying,
in explanation. " Too muchee yank."
"A lady tells something which ought
to have remained secret with her sex. 1t is that
a woman in choosing lover, considers good deal
more how the man will be regarded by other
women than whether she loves him herself.
-" What rough fellow that Sniggins
isp' petulantly exclaimed the Hopedale girl after
q struggle with the aforesaid SnigginS at "COpen-
hagen" "He nearly smothered mer' "And did
you kiss him for his smother% asked the other
miss, naively.
A little girl at school read thus: "The
widow lived on a limbacy left her by relative"
What did you call that word ?" asked the teacher
"the word is legacy not limbacy." But" said
the little girl, my sister says must say limb not
leg"
"A lady, a regular shopper, who had
made an unfortunate clerk tumble over all the
stockings in the store, objected that none of them
were long enough al want" she said, " the long
est hose that are made" "Then, madam" was
the reply. "you had better apply at the next en-
gine-house."
"A Logansport woman wants divorce
just because her husband goes to bed with his hat
and boots on And now we ask, in all reason,
does the woman want a man to go TO bed in this
weather with pair of arctcs and fur lined ulster
on? Isn't hat and pair of boots enough?
The New York Mall says a young
lady was asked by her fiancee on the eve of the
marriage what of all things she would like best
that he should give her as a wedding present.
"Pay papa's debts" said she, "and 1 will be the
happiest girl in the world" And, like the dear,
good George Augustus that he is, he did it.
Tender Wife" Say, look here! I've
got to have new velvet skirt right Off Got to
have it. This old thing is all worn out-actually
threadbare down the front" Brute of Husband
Just the thing, my dear. All the rage. Fashion
item says velvet skirts will be very much worn
this season. Sandpaper the back of your dress and
you're setting the style"
-"Dovey," he said, al think l was
telling you after came home last night about the
necessity of some retrenchment in our expendi-
lures, was rot?' "Well, really, I've forgotten
John,' she answered, noncha!antly; turn on the
phonograph and see." He turned it on, and all it
said was: "Whazzer -(hic)-mazzer?
Whazzer mazzcr?"
She sat at night by the sad sea waves
with her friend, as two college professors passed
by. Respect for the learning of the wise men kept
the fair ones silent, until one professor looking up
at the solitary star that twinked in the sky, said :
LOOK at Venus: how bright she is this evening""
Gracious heaEens!" she cried "at that distance
he can tell whether it's male or femaleI"
GA sturdy peasant from the Tyrol,"
says the FIemdenbdf, "was standing the other day
at q shop window in Vienna looking at a repro
duction of the fine group by Herr Rauch, The
Three Graces' The peasant did not seem insensi-
BILE to the perfection of form, but after while he
burst forth: What fools women arc all over the
world! Only to think that these girls have not
got money enough to buy themselves a suit of
Clothes yet they spend the little they do possess in
having their photographs taken"