Connecticut western news., 1881-05-11
WIT AND WISDOM.

SOME people like oysters on the half shell, others quail on toast, but we pre- fer eagles on twenty-dollar gold pieces.
 WE have heard good deal about rest less and uneasy pillows. They are probably filled with live-geese feathers.
 SELDOM can the heart be lonely,
 If it seek lonlier still,
 self-forgetting, seeking only
 Emptier cups of love to fill.
 THE archery clubs have commenced practicing, and the glass eye manufac- tory in Pittsburg is working double time.
 WHEN yesterday asked you, love,
 One little word to say,
 Your brother interrupted us,
 So please say yesterday.
 "TH1s is what like, said the tramp, 'good country board," as he laid him. self down on the floor of the barn. Puck.
 THERE is no "home" and no "hash' in the French language. It is not to be wondered at that so many Frenchmen commit suicide.
 A MANS name Is mentioned quite prominently" for some office, by the man himself, frequently, before any one else thinks of it. r-.-
 YOUNG ladies and elephants attain their growth at eighteen. But here their analogy ceases. One trunk is enough for an elephant.
 A MAN in Fordham has found bed of remarkably fine clay on his property, but is undecided whether to start @ brickyard or French candy shop.
 PEOPLE speak carelessly of "bloated aristocrats," as if an aristocrat Is always obese. This is wrong. Some of the aristocracy of to-day is mighty thin.
 MosT of the beatitudes which infinite compassion pronounced, have the sor- row of earth for their subject, but the joys of heav en for their completion.
 THE iourneymen bakers of New York have risen as one man, and say they knead more pay, and if they do not get some concessions they will loaf awhile.
 ANALOGY, although it is not infallible, is yet that telescope of the mind by which it is marvelously assisted in the discovery of both physical and moral truth. -.....
 QUAoK and dupe are upper side and under side of the self-same substance. Turn up your dupe into the proper fos- tering element and he himself can be- come quack.
 for others as great sorrow to ones self. It teaches one the depths of hu- man nature. In happiness we are shallow and deem others SO.
 FwED-" -"Haw-what do you do with yourself to night, dear boy?" Algy- "Nothing, and-haw-pwecious little of that. Fact is, these light days it gets so awfully late so awfully early"
 JoNEs's boy had leg so lame that he couldn't walk to school for week, and after two doctors had failed to cure it, the old man had to get the lad pair of roller skates, and cured him on tho spot.
 LADY Gatheremall at home: Miss Midas" You're the first commoner I've ever danced with, Captain Prettymanl" The Captain-"No, really? Why, what is there about you for commoners to avoid?"
 "I IwIsH to heaven had gentleman opposite me-" said an irritable old fell low at dinner party. "Why should you wish such thing ?" was the retort; "you cannot be more opposite to gen. tleman than you are at present" l WHAT'S in 8 name ?" Ahl William, you don't know everything, that's cer. tain. Salt can be bought for few cents quart; but call it chloride of sodium, and the apothecary will mulct you to the tune of half dollar for one poor scruple. WHEN Benjamin Franklin was an edi- tor, he was in the habit of writing to the young ladies who sent in poetry, saying in honeyed language that, owing to the crow ded state of his columns, , etc., but he would endeavor to circulate their productions in manuscript. And 3 then he tied the poems to the tail of , his kite for "bobs.'
 8 A GENTLEMAN who always meant to 3 pay his debts, but could never make up 3 his mind to do so, drove pair of splen- 7 did bays. "Ah ] my friend," said he, 9 Chow de do? How do you like my 7 hosses Very costly. What d you q think I gave for the pair ?" The false, t inhuman friend, or rather fiend, simply l grunted, "I guess you gave your note. :" "I FEEL" said the fat passenger, as a train crossed the Ohio line, " that I am : in the land of statesmen. There is the 5 smell of post-ofice in the air, and the low, sweet sound of consulate is heard in the dewy distance. see the shad. q owy forms of marshals yet to be, and d out of the dreamy gates of possible ] see the sad procession of never-to-be d supreme judges. It is dear and ia. e vored land, this grand step.mother oi IS Presidents. Bob Burdette. y IT is remarkable what little bits { l, woman takes when eating in the pres t. enoe of her sweetheart. What ittl, l. mouth she has then She nibbles will 8, her little white teeth, like some daint, E squirrel eating hickory nut. Bu ,n wait until washday comes. Watch he as when she goes to hang up clothes an' Ut gets in hurry. By the time that sh