The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-06-22
FLOATING FANOIEs.
The New Testament r%evisers appear to
have discharged their paragraphist.

The New Testament revisers appear to
have discharged their paragraphist.
Said Byron: II hate q dumpy woman.
He meant to say that he hated to see q good
thing cut short.
A student at Oxford University on being
asked who was Esau, replied: "Esau was
a man who wrete fables, and sold his copy
right for q mess of potash"
"Here's 9 fly in my soup, WAITER eyes,
sir; very sorry sir; bul can't you throw away
the fly and eat the soup?' ''Of course | can;
you don't expect me to throw away the soup
and eat the fIy?'
An old couple from Hohokus were walk
ing down Broadway the other day, reading
sigrg, when they ran across one-'tJohnson's
Shirt Store t'Well [ declare" said the old
lady, II wonder who tore it."
A Yankee wonan recently married 8 Chi
nese leundryman, and in three days thereaf-
Ter the UNHAPPY celestial appeared at a bar
ber's shop and ordered his pigtail to be cut
off, saying, in explanation, Too muchee
yank.'
"Your husband Is not 10 today, ma'am r.
said a collector who called at the door, s'No,
he is not" "Do you know where I can find
him p II guess he's gone fishing. He car
RED q glass bottle filed with something he
called bait
That milk is pretty blue, landlord
Don't underst md il, sir. My cow is well
fed, I milk her myself. and I don't put any
water in the milk" 'Well, the weather has
been quite wet, and reckon the cow needs
ehiogliny.'
a clergyman was travelling through the
HUMBOLDT mountains with an old miner.
Said the miner, 'Do you really believe that
Goi made the world in six days ?" "Of
course | do" "Well, don't you think that
he might have put in one more day to ad-
vantage right around here p returned the
miner.
NJ. Fabre, q French natural ist, says tha
the wasp is endowed with more cunnir e than
any other insect On wings. We don't see
anything 50 very cunning in a wasp lifting q
nan off a bench in the park. An earthquake
does tie same thing and makes no preten-
siOns to fun. m
4 Galveston school teacher, who had lost
all patience with a very stupid boy, finally
told the boys father: ''Your son is getting
worse and woree every day." I don't think
he can be quite that bad" demonstrated the
partial parent. "Well, then. he is at least
getting worse every other day, or say three
times q week
"But my deah fellah, said the newly ar
rived Englishman to the Galveston Hack
driver who had called him s%tcolonel, !" ssbut
my deah fellah, I don't belong to the ermy,
you know 'sTbat don't make any differ
ence; here in Galveston we call almost every
loafer and beat colonel or major. Hev 8
kerridge, general?"
Tt she's got to talk slang, 8 Boston girl will
refine and beautify ii. The proper caper
becomes the appropriate gyration bang up
is front hair elevated; tumbling to the racket
is falling to the audible disturbance; and q
square deal 8 quadrilateral distribution. Oh,
refinement is a great thing. You can just
bet your sacharrine existence that it is.
Chow do you like Austin p asked a gen
tleman of Uncle Nose. II like the town fus-
trate, but I feels sorry for the folks, they's
so pore. Yesterday [ wanted to get change
for a five dollar bill. I put nay han into my
pocket and hunted for cher so long, an
haint found it yet. I neber seed a town
where it was so hard to get change for 8 five
dollah bill.
In a Newburryport family, where there
are two boys, one Of them brought home a
worthless cur, to the disgust of the rest of
the family. At last an older sister offeIed
him half d dollar If he would give the dog
away. He assented and pocketed the coin.
When night came, prompted by curiosity,
she asked the little fellow to whom she had
given his dog, and was told with charming
n~aivette, 'Oh, I've given him to BROTHER"
A f%acetious brakeman on the Central Pa
citic Railroad cried out, as the train was
about entering a tunnel: "This tunnel is one
mile long, and the train will be four minutes |
passing through it," The train dashed into
daylight again in four seconds. and the scene
in the car was one for q painter. Seven
young ladies were closely pressed by four
teen pairs Of masculine arms, fourteen pairs
of lips were glued together, and two dozen
Inverted whisky-1asks flashed into the ambi-
elt air.
Mrs. spangles breathlessly said: "Dear. I
will tell you an awful, awful thing. Do you
know that Mr.. SloWbox can not take his
breakfast in the morning until he has had a
cocktail. Now. my Mr.. Spangles never does
such o thing as that. lie would not think Of
a cocktail. He simply rolls in bed, looks
around for his clothes and says, MARY for the
love of the great stars above us, / feel as if /
had q cinder In my mouth! give me o pitcher
of water none Of your COMPOUNDED little
goblets, but q bucketful. Hurry y But you
never hear him ask for a cocktail. He hast
ems down to the store without his breakfast. =
---Ez1 +&%@Dp !. Sns---
An KmDerIInene Mimic
Young ladies who expect attentions from
young men should not keep a too well edu-