Daily Republican., 1881-01-06

There is one class OF people VINO 81
lways have leisure to entertain you, ,ant
THAT is those who know more about
lyour business than you know your
lseli.
The servant did as directed; bat the
Hover in his anxiety forgot TO send his
PENCIL. The lady had presence OF mind,
however, and tucking the note into her
bosom, said to the waiter "Tell tie
gentleman yes"
He was saying as he scratched lu-
acsr on the side Of house, ~ like
these houses with ssnded paint; nice
when you want to strike match you
know" SIS that so?" she asked de-
murely. ~ wish lived In q house
with sand paint" and then she looked
things unutterable. II he had asked
"What fort" she would have hated
him. But he didn't; he took the hint
and the match was struck then and
there.
An ill.looking fellow was asked how
he could account for Natures forming
him so ugly. "Nature was not to
blame" said he, "for when was two
months old, ] was considered the hand
soonest child In the neighborhood, but
my nurse TO revenge herself upon my
parents for some fancifal injury al!
their hands, on day swapped me away
for another boy belonging to friend
of hers, whose child Was rather plain
looking"
A man formerly Of considerable note
In the journalistic and literary ~orld,
whose renown has since been clouded
by the notoriety Of great scandal, was
at crowded evening party in Ne"
York some years ago, standing In an
upstair. corri Tor. To him a lady, in a
magnificent dress and sparkling with
Jewels, came with great eagsrness.
Though she was unknown to him, he
naturally supposed she had recognized
him by the light of his genus, shining
on his Hyperio brow, or knew him by
rep utation. Hs was thereby prepared
to receive her with smiles. "Are you
the waiterP" she demanded. "No,"
retorted he, with looks Of thunder,
"sre you the chamber-maid 7" and he
darted downstSirs:
coEUNDRUMs.
When is a wall like fish ? When
1t is scaled.
How does a stove feel when 1t is full
Of Goals Grateful.
Which Of the reptiles is mathemati-
clan ? The adder.
When is boat like a heap Of snow ?
When 1t is drift.
When Is a doctor most AMI Dyed 7
When he is out of patients.
Wien is literary work like smoke ?
When 1t comes IL volumes.
Why is the letter G like the sun !
Because II Is the centre Of light.
What is that which shows others
what 1t cannot SOC itselfl A mirror.
How does COW become landed es-
tatef BY turning her into field.
Why is dancing like milk Z Because
1t strengthens the calves.
Why ia an Enslishman like a bee 7
Because be is ruled by Queen.
What Ia the best way to curb wild
young man2 To bridal him.
What kind OF ship has two mates
aud no captain! Court-ship.
Why is a discontented man like 8
watch dog? Because he is growler.
What ia it that makes everything
visible, but is itself unseen Light.
Why is a letter like flock ofsheep 7 |
Because it is penned and folded.
What class Of women are most apt to
give tone to society," The bellies.
At what time is cigar like an old
maid? When there ia no match for 1t
What Is the best government p! That
which teaches US to govern ourselves.
Why is newlyborn baby like a
,ale OF windi Because it begins with
/ sguall.
What Is the difference between ladies
lad ducks II there is any difference
is that ladies are often dressed to
kill, while ducks are killed to dress.
"Do fishes 80 crazy is conundrum
by Seth Green. Sometimes
hey get in seine.
What is the difference between the
weather. and a baby One never rains
,ut it pOurs, and the other never pains
)ut it roars.
Why are whale and a pond lily |
.likeY They both come to the surface