Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-05-20
Detroit Currency.

No man knoweth what an April may
bring forth.
Gall a book. agent Colonel if you
want to please him.
Arkansas proposes to rid herself OF
uuack doctors, even if she has to hang
EN-.
When a Texas editor is shot his
fellow-kind say of him that he was
double. loaded.
The cost of cremation has been
brought down to S45 and no questions
asked or answered.
This has been the best maple sugar
season for the past seventeen years, but
goodness what winter!
Hand painted dresses will have no
sale in Madagascar. They paint the
skin there and save dressmakers' bills.
The average time consumed by men
in buying hats is seven minutes. The
average time of the other sex is III
minutes.
When the newspapers devote them
selves literally to liver pads and Lydia
! L. Pinkham it cannot be said that art
lang uishes. Elmira Free Press.
Fifty years ago such a thing as a
beer glass was not to be seen on earth,
If you wanted to kill man you had to
hit him with some nnhandy thing.
Cincinnati no longer calls herself the
Paris of America since the discovery
that over half her population is Ger
man. She's the Berlin Of the border.
A Troy lawyer asked woman on the
witness stand her age, and she prompt
ly replied: ~ sold milk for you to
drink when baby, and haven't got
my pay yet
A field piece fred in any of the
ravines or small valleys of the cold
West would shake down avalanches in
their baby days, and thus prevent
great calamities.
| There Lave been thirty-eight fatal
boiler explosions since January LIST, and
the verdict has of course been "no
| one to blame" Boilers get mad and
bust themselves.
| A man in New York has been arrested
for biting off and swalloing woman's
ear. If the plea of insanity is put in he
will probably be held ear.responsible.-.
Rome Senti1el.
The latest counterfeit dollar can be
detected only by weighing in bank.
er's scales, and counterfeiters are proud
and happy that success has been
80 nearly achieved.
When q Philadelphia man couldn't
get $12 900 for city lot he had street
opened through it and was awarded
$2l 900 damages. Nothing like know
ing how to pull the ropes.
WeehAwken is just the right sort of
q name for town in which loafers take
possession of a courtroom, upset the
stove, overturn his Honor and toss the
witnesses out of the windows.
Washington Territory has q volcano
in active operation, but the only bene-
fit thus far secured has been by the
Indians. They get near enough to
warm their feet and roast their dogs.
Philadelphia has discovered that
colored lard is being palmed off as but
ter. Passing off pigs feet for spring
chickens will probably be the next
dssaption---l pLiiadolphia Gh<onicle.
T A Cincinnati Justice of the Peace de-
Cld6d against ur0SSmak0E III cult Al
which she demanded $28 for making
up dress the materials Of which cost
only 81. He didn't believe in this Inle
of four.
Mr.. Evarts is improving. In his let
ter declining the New York dinner the
longest sentence contained only eighty.
four words. 1t may be different when
the ex Secretary gets his second wind.
Il Philadelphia Chronicle.
"About half an hour after the alarm of
the fire two firemen appeared with wash
tub and hand-pump." Thus writes an
American who was present at fire in
Paris few days ago. He must have
been tickled clear down to his boots.
When the village Squire stops at the
corner grocery, rsps on q box with his
knuokles and says: 1.-THE great need
of this country just now is o higher
plane of political morality" you bet
that the village oobbler is at work to
secure tho nomination which leads to
that same Justices Office.