The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1881-09-15
The Native Michigander.

/ have been studying him for week.
About seven o'clock every evening he
comes in from his farm and takes a seat
beside me on the veranda of the coun-
try hotel. No one introduced us. He
came stumping along the first evening,
flung down his old straw hat and ex-
claimed
.'Durn my hide if it isn't burned
hot %
had been roasting all day, and so ]
struck hands with him at once. He has
never asked whether was the Duke OF
Sutherland or railroad switchman,
and have never asked why he didn't
cut his hair, shave off his matted whis-
kers and fix tin spout in one corner of
his mouth to accommodate the flow of
tobacco juice.
The native Michigander is good fell
low at heart, but he has his eccentrici-
ties.
ayes, I struck this State over fifty
years ago. he said to me the other
evening, as he hunted in his hind
pocket for his plug tobacco. 1--WE
heard the wolves howl, the bars roar,
and the panthers scream
.'You have, eh?n
"You bet I have! Yes, sir, anG1've
lived all winter on acorns, slept all sum-
mer in tree top, and walked forty-two
miles through the woods to prayer
meeting. Say, did you ever live in the
woods forty miles from the nearest
human hyena, black or whitep''
Never"
''Did you ever have to go barefoot in
snow four feet deep?'
Mo-
Ever shake with the ager right along
for 2S4 days, Sundays included?''
"No.n
"Dod rot your pampered counten-
ance, of course you never did. What
did you ever do towards making Michi-
gan the great and glorious State she
now is ?''
''Well, I've run a lawn-mower.n
''Run thunder to blazes! How MANY
acres Of forest do you 'spose I've cut
DOWN."
sTwo.'' @
1.-TWO! Why, you onery hyena, my
old woman has slashed down over forty
herself, and she's left handed, at that!
| calkerlate, sir-I solemnly calkerlate
that I've cleared off at least three
hundred acres of the toughest kind of
forest. Ali sir, you petted and PAM
pered children of luxury little dream
of what Us old natives had to endure.
How much tea do you suppose had in
my house the first ten years of our
pioneer life?" sssiA4
twenty-five chests ~
Twenty-Five, whatr' he roared as
he hunted for more plug, ..we had Just
two drawings and no more!''
'sCouldn't you get trusted at the COR
ner groceryP'
s'Get trusted! Corner grocery! Why,
you internal young lunatic, wasn'tI
located forty miles from the highest
grocery! That's what I've been telling
you all long. Old pioneers couldn't af-
ford such luxuries as that How much
do you 'spose our outfit cost us for
housekeeping?'' aI.l
Perhaps $4,000. but that's accord
ing to the style of your carpets, piano
and paintings. Did you have lace cur
tains hung on polesp''
He jumped up and down like a man
with piece of beefsteak in his wind
pipe, and l thought he was a goner.
However, after a higher jump than his
crooked old legs seemed capable of he
blurted out:
.'You internal burned fool, but we
didn't have nothing that we couldn't
carry on our backsf Do you 'spose we
was a-foolin' around with planners out
here in the vargin wilderness! Lace
curtains hung on poles Not much
Il I'd had spare shirt on a pole I'd
have been perfectly satisfied. None of
you spilled children of luxury kin have
any idea OF how we had to get along in
hem old days.
II presume not.'
Zone winter when the old woman was
'ick had nothing to feed her but salt
,oon and corn dodgers. y
"Oyster soup would have been nice.n
s'Oyster thunder! Who knew any-
hing about oysters fifty years ago?
lon't , keep telling you that | was fifty
niles in the woodsPo 80
''Yes, but why didn't you get out?n
''Git out! What furp''
"Why, you might have got out and |
wed on your ther-in-law and had q |
rrottlng horse, plug hat, a diamond |
nm and high living. You were very
ooiish to stay in the woods, where they
lad no ward caucuses, or military pa
AIDES, or circus professions, or ginger
'eer, or banana puddings.''
We generally end here. The old
ative chokes and gasps and jumps up |
nd down and kicks his hat into the
treet and goes away saying:
Them burned pampered idiots of
nxury wouldn't keer two cents if the |
ull State was growed up to jack-pines
9 thick that rabbit couldn't squeeze
trough
But next night he comes again to
1Trestle me for the championship.-M
!uad, sn the Detroit Free Press. /