Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-10-16
NEWSPAPERS REPORTING.

commenced newspaper life, with the
most cheerful anticipations 1t seemed
wholesome thing to puff somebody's sugar
coated hams, and have one mandolin the next
morning, with yellow frock on, and vloop
to hang it up by; to attend horse t-ots and
higher-life camp-meetings, and pick the
obvious points of the best trotters and ex-
horters, must be u most agreeable labor
So, too, it would be sweet duty to write
the obituary Of a lager-beer seller, and
close by saying, eve will all assemble over
his beer FOR write one for an ice-merebant,
declaring that before his exit, the late Ia
mented broke out singing:
Eyes, we will gather at the river
1t might also be added, as % tribute to
his business integrity, that bis remains
were cared for onhis own crystal ice, which
has no superior in the market.
After writing Il few days, l started off
| into some grotesque sketches OF the house
hold of Hosea Jones, describing myself as
the bald-headed and unsophistcated sire of
numerous family. Many rural readers
"took this all for corn Only one man felt
an affront. He had studied to be a
butcher, and was success. He was a
| very healthy man. His knuckles were like
| walrus teeth, worn down. He called upon
me early one morning. lie was lobster
red-boiled in his own passions. He was
almost royal purple under his eyes, and the
fanges of his ears seemed to be on fire.
He looked like man who had walked OF
on his ear so rapidly that he produced a
hot box.
| He rushed upon me, shouting:
"Now I've got ye, and I'll hammer the
pulp out Of ye, you mean puppy. I'll put
tea-buscuit over your peppers. I'll learn
ye to speak disrespectable Of me and my
darters, you
cdr. JONES' I faltered, ''this is q joke"
He came on, glaring and snorting. I
| thought how hard it was to be smashed ont
Of existence in the glow of youth, with the
shole earth filed with greenness, fruit and
beauty.
"Tl get the file and see about it, 1
shouted, as fed. / think the red man is
after me yet. I think he win sweep down
upon me some Of these sunny days. l Of
| ten dream Of being in the shanlble, near
| his slaughter-house, and hear him order
the boy to bring the sledge-hammer.
Obituary writing has been my best hold.
l wrote one for the captain of a Saybrook
schooner. was told of his death by hon.
| est people. ] sketched him as he gaily
strolled down the golden streets, after a
| noon lunch of nectar and ambrosiav in a
way to make his family proud. also add
ed, to be impartial, the customary musical
| instrument. It was not a harp, however.
| No, slung him with bass yiol The
| captain, when on earth, was an excellent
fiddler, and therefore, with an eye to his
progress in all things, accredited him
with a bass VOL l added stanza Of po-
etry, as follows:
! "While here below the bottle was his love,
| SO he should have base viol when above"
A week after, the captain called on me,
| smoking brier-wood pipe. He was much
| pleased.
whats to pay for that writing?'' he
asked. "A1e and my wife and the girls
! took solid comfort with it. want you to
use it when The right time comes. I
charged the captain regular cemetery
lot prices. Six feet by two. one insertion.
Some time ago, the venerable widow
| Wicks lost her son Phineas. East Fail she
| had his remains removed to Connecticut
! for final burial. She sent me a brief no.
tice for publication, with privilege of cor
| rection. was as follows:
HONE AT Last.
We learn, with unfelt sorrow, that Mrs.
Mehitable Wicks has brought the remains
| of Phineas home for determent She viii
put two (2) stones over his grave, with
| Phineas Wicks on one and p. w. on the
other. IufS. w. mas OSeH 10 great expense
| in those panicEsy times. but she trusts
that the public viii appreciate her efforts
to make buckle and strap meet.
published it Us follows:
?. W. WELL FIXED AT LAST.
Things come round right at last, Il you
| only lay low and keep dark. Witness the
| case OF Phineas Wicks. He died abroad,
| but now his doting friend has frelghied his
| remains to the Nutmeg State, which bears
the appropriate motto of GA slsstenct trans
t,slet. She will set up two stones above
| hin-a headstone and a hi1dstone. On
| one will be carved "Phiner," and on the
| other "finis,'i which is latin for Finny.
Mrs. ". has put ont her stamps unspaf-
! ingly TO do this bat she believes in letting
the taa go with the hide"
| Seriously, one thing is sure 4 news
| paper man can never die. His name may
| go out, but the light of his little candle
can never quite cease What he writesin
| hot haste may cool into an eternal carving.
His everyday paragraphs, hike the ioo1y
a., fill.