Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-04-09

rected any OF his mistakes.
A poor darkey was in despair at the
immortality Of the world. He said:-
"Moses cut all de commandments wild
a chisel in stone, but he broke 'em all
Lefore he got down de hill. Den when
he cut a new set de chillun OF lsr broke
'em all agin."
Every event Of life affords a certain
amount OF happiness. The captain OF a
ship declared that his crew were the
hsppiest set of men in the world. He
had lust logged six OF them and they
were happy that it was over, and the
rest were all happy because they had
escaped.
The reason given by the colored man
for not going too near the hind legs OF a
famous roam mule was CO satisfactory
that we can afford to adopt it as an ex-
cuse for not doing a great many other
things. "De reason" he said, why |
nebber 'proach dat roam mule from DE
rear is dat Pm too fond OF my family,
an don't belong to no church nudder." "
A certain lawyer always began his e1-
animation of witness by saying, "Im
going to put question to you, and l
don't care how you answer it." The
habit was so strong that one day he met
a very dear friend, anu said, I'm going
to put question TO you, and l don't
care how you answer it. How do you
dO?'
The seeker after compliment some
times get more than he asks-he fishes
for a salmon and catches q gudgeon. II
hope did not weary the people to-day
by the length Of my sermon" said a
Young theological student, who felt that
the world had been waiting several
thousand years for the rare gift which
he possessed. "No," answered the grim
deacon, "nor by the depth OF it either. "
The superiority of the masculine over
the feminine gender is apparent in all
the concerns of life, and yet We have
found no such irreiutable statement oil
the fact as that made by a thoughtful
Teuton. He said:-"If the women look
at the moon they always see man in II;
il they hear a mouse nibblIng after dark
it's man trying to break into the house,
and they always look under the bed the
last thing at night to find man. Now
a man never looks under the bed to
find a woman, does he"'
1t must be very disagreeable to be in
vited to dinner parties because You have
knack of telling good stories. One
day Dumas, who had this knack mar
vellously developed, resented the cal
for a story as an insult. When asked
for an anecdOte he pointed surlily to a
military officer who sat next him and
said. livery one to his trade, madame
let the gentleman who sits next to me
bring cannon here and fire it, then
will tell one OF my little stories.
Our banking system is a great mystery
to some people, and yet we once in q
while find a man who detects the secret
AZ a glance. In the early days Of our
country's history farmer paid color
Ell laborer in Mexican quarters at par
when they were worth only twenty
cents. The tinted brother thought Of
the matter for a while and then said
cheeriully:-"De banks can't catch up
wild me, anyhow. FL | hadn't white.
washed dat mans fence lnebbar would
have found out whsr all dem chickens
roasted dat sold for dollar"
In order to get on satisfactorily in the
world and be able to look at ones past
deeds with complacency it is necessary
to have clear conscience. At least SC
thought the Irishman in the following
story. The priest said to him in tones
OF severe rcproof, Patrick, how much
hay did YOU StealP' The reply was
that of one who takes profoundly phil
osOphic view of things, and who pro
poses not to allow his religion to toe
;, rIor sly interfere with everyday duties
"Well, said Patrick, Il may well con
fese To your riyercEce for the whole
stack, for I'm going after the rest to
/ night"
It is possible 20 take cheerful view
even OF a disastrous event. There are
few experiences which have no bright
side. When young lady, on being
asked to give her hand and fortune to
an impecunious adventurer, said mo,
in very decided tone, the man OF brass
told his companions that he had dis
caried her. why, how is that?" was
the natural query. well, you see,
was the reply, III asked her to marry
me, and she declared she wouldn't do il
ii were the only man in the world and
then limited that had better leave. II
WAS brutal conduct, and ! wont allow
any Young woman to treat me in that
/ way, so discarded her at once"
1t is not safe to make ones home q
sort OF debating society. Happiness de.
ponds very largely upon unanimity Of
/ opinion-i. e, upon the husband hav.
ing the same opinion with his wife.
/ The evils of disagreement are as numer.
Gus as leaves in Nallombrosa. A young
couple determined to keep themselves
up 10 the proper intellectual standard
bv discussing some important topic
every evening. Everything went on
beautifully, and the mental acumen ot
both parties was growing apace, until
one evening, when the subject was
whether lady can get along without q
new spring bonnet. The husband took
/ the affirmative, but the debate had not
lasted more than half an hour before the