Middletown transcript., 1881-06-24
The sytliddletorn Granstript
FRIDAY AFTERNOON, JUNE "a, 1881.
CHIPS.

we duflSo yOttllS hlCiA oii-AA
come west, to deliberate. They may
shoot some of fus.-OmahG Sunday Hena
It has been established at last that
the only disease to which you may not
a second time be liable, is the one that
kills you first YOnkers Gazette.
Never try to find out what people
think Of you; it's too much like sucking
barreled eggs-the result isn't always
to be relied upon Yonkers Gazette.
In Germany, sugar is made from old
rags. Here is scheme for the utiliza-
tion Of our tramps which should not be
allowed to pass unheeded.-Kd adams.
A New York preacher says the devil
is in every public Office in this country.
At last we have it. The devil is an
Ohio man. WillinmspOrt Breakfast
Table.
Another well planned attempt to take
the life Of the Gar has just been frus-
trated. An American cucumber was
found in his morning mail.-Qdncy
Modern ATgO.
A Louisville advertisement runs
"Ice cream, 1.25per gall" That may
be the general average out there, but the
young men Of Chicago couldn't stand
it.-Chicago Inter Ocean.
The man who has an iron cOnstitu-
tion, nerves of steel, a silver tongue and
cheeks of brass, can soon line his pock-
cts with bars Of gold and scales OF
"tin. y Whitehall Times.
Boston will not like the new revised
edition Of the Bible if the revisors fail
to substitute beans for the apple that
caused our first parents to be sent out
of Boston. Whitehall Times.
A child in the Bunker hill district
who has been confined to the house for
long time, recently broke out with
the measles. No cause has been as
signed for the rash act.-BoStOn Times.
Jay Gould has at last got to work on
a railroad on Mexican soil. As he is a
man that never says much about his
personal affairs, it is not known who he
intends leaving Mexico to, in his will
Peck's San.
They had ferocious business quar-
rel. Why don't you take part in this
argument, sir?" said j., savagely to
g., who had said nothing. ''You for
get, sir, z said G., "that am a silent
partner !''-Phila. San.
Boston girl No. l: "What do you
think Of the revision?'' Boston girl
No. 2: "Oh my think it just too
aNfully awful No. /. "Have you
read it ?'' No. 2: Moo, but it wasn't
revised in Bawsting. Geo. E. Gar
ret, in Keok,lE Gate City.
The Midnight Sum- is the title of a
fine descriptive article going the rounds
of the press. But in these degenerated
days the midnight son is a passably
good boy :; it is the three O'Clock in the
morning son who grieves his parents by
his dissipation. Cambridge Tribune.
A member of the British House of
Commons has been suspended for
simply calling one Of his colleagues a
liar. If this were to be adopted in this
country, we would be without con-
gress in less than a week. Therefore
we heartily favor its adoption. Kan
Sas City Times.
An exchange has an article on
Dressing Hogs by Machinery" Now
it may be all right to dress hogs by
machinery, but suppose the machine
should get to working too fast, and tear
the only pair of pants the hog had into
smithereens, what would the smart in
ventor do Marathon Independent.
Maggie, dear, if l should attempt
to spell Cupid why could not get be
yond the first syllable p Maggie gave
it up, whereupon William said: ''Be-
cause when l come to c Il, of course l
cannot go farther" Maggie said she
thought that was the incest conundrum
she had ever heard.-Rockland Courier.
A Danbury bootdlack was in South
Norwalk when the train went through
there yesterday on its way to Hartford
with the nations military dignitaries.
"Did you see General Sherman %
asked citizen this morning, while
having a shine. "No; was he looking
for me p was the response. Ddnbury
Ne1rS.
We never attempted to teach Sun
day school but once, and upon that oc-
casiOn when we told the oldest scholar
to take his feet off the seat in front of
him, put that apple in his pocket, and
blow his nose, he said if we would step
out into the alley-way he would knock
Gehenna out Of us. 1t was fair fight ;
but the school wasn't there when we
returned. Commercial Advertiser.
Eliza Coffee, well known in the Roch-
ester police circles, died the other day.
The woman was well educated in youth,
but disappointment in love made hel
aroma on the face Of the earth. Wher
she became rolled with whiskey she was
wont to grind out considerable trouble
for the officers. Coffee has now beer
settled by her own excesses, and the
people can have no grounds of com
plaint.-Rome Sentinel.
A prominent Galveston merchant
visited Austin not long since, and Gil
hooly asked him ostep across the stree
and take drink.
"No you must excuse me. Ineve
drink away from home.
"Why is that ~
E'I'I tell you," responded the Gal
weston merchant, but it is strictI.
confidential We do an immense busi
ness in the interior, and | am terribl.
afraid to drink in bar-room, for fear
might get hold of some of my own whis