Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-02-25
f u n

w AhlNG laG w hON0 uANs lO ldC'
that every business has its particular lin
go, which is dead language to people OF
other professions, was never more clearly
shown than in the following article by Bill
Nye in the Chicago '.Tribune:''
One night about half after IL, judge, ]
heard somebody step along to the window
of my boudoir. Hearing it that time OF
night reckoned that something crooked
was going on, so slid out Of bed and go'
my Great Blood Searcher and Liver Puri
flyer, with the new style of centre fire ano
cartridge ejector, and slid up to the win.
dow, calculating to shove tonic int
whoever it might be that was pick-nick-
ing around my claim.
I looked out so as to get good idea OF
where l wanted to sink on him, and thel
I thought before mangled him d ask il
he had any choice about which part of his
vitals he wanted to preserve, so 1 sings
out to him:
s'Look out below there, pard, for I'm
going to call the meeting to order in :
minute. just throw up your hands,
you please, and make the grand hallln.
sign of distress, or I'll have to mutilats
you! Just show me about where you'c
like to have the fatal wound, and be spr,
about it, because I've got my brief COS
tune on, and the evening air is chilly -
He didn't understand me apparently
for gurgling laugh welled up from be
low, and the party sings back:
''Hullo. Fatty, is that you? just lookin
to see if you'd fired up yet. You know
was to come round and flag you if secont
seven was out. Well, I've been down t,
the old mans to see what's on the board
Three is two hours late and four is rep u
ted Oh time. There's two sevens out an,
two sections of nine. Skinney'll take GU
first seven and Shorty IL pull her with 1Ol
It's you and me for second seven. wit
Timber Jim on front end and Frenchy t.
hold down the caboose. First five is wron.
and Old Whathisiname that runs 25S go
his crown sheet cayed in and telescope.
his headlight into the New Jerusalem.
You know the little Swede that used t.
run extra for Old Hotbox on the emigran
for while? Well, he's firing Oh 25S, ali.
he's under three flats and coal Oil tank
with a break beam across his coupler an
his system more or less relaxed. He,
gone to the sweet subsequently, too. Res.
of the boys are more or less demoraliz-,
and side-tracked for repairs. Now, you
don't want to monkey around much for If
you don't loom up like SIX bits and go on!
on the track, the old man'll give you =
time check and the Oriental Crane
Bhunce. You hear the mellow thrill OF
my bazoo.''
Then 1 slowly uncorked the Great Blood
Purifier and, moving to the foot-lights
where the silvery moon beams could touc
up my dazzling outlines, said: Pardne:
I am pleased and grati6ed to have met
you. [ don't know the first ding buste'
thing you have said to me, but that's my
misfortune. am plain miner, and M,
home is in the digestive apparatus of the
earth, but for professional melody of the
chiu you certainly take the cake. You
also Take the cake basket and what colo
pie there is on the dump. My name is
Woodtick William. / discovered the Fee
verish Hornet up On Slippery Ellum. 1 am
proud to know you. Keep right on getting
more and more familiar with your profess
sion, and bye and bye, when nobody can
understand you, you will be promoted and
respected, and you will at last be Sleep
ang-car conductor and revel in the biggest
mental calm and wide shoreless sea of in
tellectual stagnation that the world ever
saw. You will
But he was gone.
Then took the pillow sham and wiped
some of the pulverized crackers off the
soles of my feet and went to bed in large
COB of gloom.
The young lady who bangs piano while
her mother bends over the clothes tub is
like piece of calico-she won't wash.s
A Newark man is SO mean that he sits
in the last pew in church to save the in
terest on his money while the collectors
are passing the plate. Next!
II was Vassar girl just graduated who
inquired: lis the crack of the rife the
place where they PUT the POWDER"
When COWS have learned to read and not
till then will it pay enterprising men to
advertise on rocks, trees and FENCES.
The beehive is the poorest thing in the
lworld to fall back on.