Smyrna times., 1881-04-13
WHOLE NO. l,345.
Current Comment,


NIik ia SIX cent. quart in Boston, with
one scent of garlic thrown in.
soon It will be, People who walk in
glass houses should not throw stones"
Boston people have an idea that the on,y
culture outside OF that city il agriculture.
10 cure spring fever hire some ono 70
let mad dog loose in your neghuorhood,
A fact worth knowing before MARRIAGE.
H"theaded people generally have cold feet.
The only thing in the smoking line that
smells worse than a cigarette is TWO cha.
rettes.
Nennor predicts mild winter for l>,2
anu thus escapes the just VENGEANCE Of tAe
Populace.
Wonder if warm weather will ever come.
Boston Post. Have patience. Bob Ingcr.
soil Is wrong.
New Workers must soon clean ,ba;r
streets if they don t want the grass 10 ROW
under their feet.
A Philadelphia man has the strongest
safe in the world. He made it himself ont
OF boarding house butter
Between telephones, street cars. etc.
Dame Nature sometimes wonders what she
ever created legs for anyway.
The announcement that " Mother Hub
bard style" will only tie worn hy very young
ladies has made it Immensely popular.
Hereafter the stranger in Wisconsin may
be warmly welcomed hut will not be hos.
Pltatly treated" Its against the law.
A lunch given by New York lady to
four OF her frIe ads c0>t 5 10, or SD i, plate
That is the New York idea vi happiness.
Half the writers in the country use The
expression "reaping the fruits Of his labor.
People don reap fruits they gather them
In every congregation may he foupd pee.
pie who make more noise and attract more
attention than all the other NUMBERS put
together.
countryman in the city is often ludi.
crous object, but he is not half so funny rs
u city man ia ten.acre field with playful
bull as companion.
/ The present car az q youth disliksd
study, but he has gotten over that and is
now hard student Of the ways and means
OF modern Nihilsts.
! 1t is not pleasant to admit, but the fact
remains that the native Pennsylvania, when
talking, begins every other sentence with
Well or a " Why.
Rev. |. NJ. Kalloch should not be per.
mitted to retire from the ministry OF his
own accord. He should be forced out.
Murder must be made odious.
The Chester Times wants the whipping
post for rowdies who in>ult ladies on tie
street. little "muscul,r Christianity
would do just as well and save time.
Thirty days after Michigan man got a
divorce from his wife to marry another the
wsman fell heir to S2S7000. Think Of
this when the buttons are all off and the
beef steak burnt.
1t is now illegal in Arkansas to sell
dirk or Bowie knife, hut as everybody ia
Arkansas is already provided with those
necessary articles, the law will only bear
hard on newcomers.
Suppose American pork sent to Europe
should be full Of trichne, it is no more
than fair. European liquors sent 10 this
country contain no end OF snakes, as many
consumers can testify.
! One hundred English skylarks are to bs
liberated in New Jersey by man who has
become tired of seeing the skylark talked
about in Americas poetry, just as though
the country was full of those birds.
sounds Of Spring" is the title Of a new
piano piece. That curious rumbls heard
in III. bass about the middle Of the CEN
pOsition is not intended to represent thun-
der, but an approaching snow pillow.
Good books are the oatmeal of literature
> and the best food for thought, yet many
parents permit their children to feast on
: pastry OF trashy stories and then wonder at
; the mental dyspepsia which follows
/ Ella wheeler, the poetess, in recent
poem, SAYS if shp could be aught inanimats
\ she would like to be an engine. In order,
l the Philadelphia Ne,cs thinks to have a
2 long train; but our opinion is that >he
I W ,nts to be near the "sparks. "-NorTss'orf'
D | Herald"
!. Boston was so named from being styled
!. originally Boss town, because the b"sslea
: were pastured on the conmOn.-C 0mbT1dgs
a | Tribune. But that Is no reason why as soon
4 as il got big enough to wheel into the line
e Of civilization it should tire all the world
d by calling itself the Hub.
The present area of the United States ID
!, sufficient to support population OF 2'OOO,
- 100000, or considerably more than the
. present population Of the world, yet every
. time an almond. eyed Oriental comes t.
these shores there comes from the West
cry of "the Chinese must 60
1t is said that good and complete serie
d 4 Of autograph letters Of signers of the Dee
d laratisn Of American independent Is "ortl
It about s.. 500. Haw careless peoSle were II
II colonial days. lf we ever sign Deci"ra
1t ton of Independence We shall leave
y whole barrel fullof autographs for poSterlt.
& to buy diKaaonds and things.
|; WHAr Ais YoU?-ls it a disordered live
:, giving YOU yellow skin or c0stiYe bowels
y which have resulted in distressing piles
u" or do your kidneys refuse to perform thel
Functions? If so, your system will soon o.
closged with poisons. Take q few doses
70 kidney. Wort and you'll feel like ne =
le man-nature will throw of every lnp""l
7 ment and each organ will he ready for dn y
D. Druggists sell both the Dry and L'quid'-
!, ~. Y. atlas.