The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-07-15
THE NEWSPAPER.
aezekIah Jones, Editor of the FJapdoOdIe,
Draws a Few sketches from Nature.


as near perfection as possible for an ordi-
nary-sized town close to half dozen big
cities, and he was wondering how he
might further improve it, when his cogi-
tations we're interrupted by On acquaint-
ance coming in.
Hello, Mr.. Scissors" he facetiously
said, writing up editorials with the
shears, ehP"
The editor tried to smile at The old
joke, and the visitor went on. "I tell
you what it is, Jones, you have pretty
good paper, but what doyou want in a
town like this with long editorials ? Give
us short ones. You can't mold public
sentiment, you must simply echo it. "
Then he left, and Jones told his associate
not to write any long editorials that day,
as he proposed, for once, to make the
FlGpdoOdLe just to suit every subscriber
who wanted change. In half hour
along came wicked fellow who talked
newspaper a long while, and then said
ne didn't see any use of Sunday reading,
nor any other religious matter in pa
per, and if it was his he would bounce it
all. The editor said nothing, but when
the man went away he told his Sunday
editor not to send any matter for that
day, Then Jones rested and thought for
few minutes, and pious old party
dropped in. AS he knew a good deal
about the business in its moral aspect.
he talked along, and at last said that no
newspaper could be decent which ad-
united to its columns any sensational
matter, any advertisements other than
the most heightened, any slangy squibs.
or anything which could not be read
without blush by the most capriciously
tastdlous Jones was silent, but later
he went and ordered all that matter set
aside So far, Jones thought he was
getting things to suit pretty we'll, and
then another man came in, and like the
others, knew all about the business of
editing a paper. He was city politi-
clan, and said, "Mr. Jones, you don't
have enough politics. Why don't YOU
throw out these farm notes.
and kitchen receipts, and odds and
ends of old news, and telegraphic
brevities which we get in the other pa
pers and give us politics? That's what
the children cry for" Again was Jones
silent and later gave orders for the ex-
pulsion of all this Objectionable matter
and waited for the next one. He came
pretty soon, and he had coffin for
coat and q shroud for handkerchief. and
he smelt like the dust which blows off of
skeleton. Said he, "Jones, I like your
paper, but what do you run that funny
business in it for? It's silly, stale, and
fiatter than last years ale with the bottle
left open. What does q man want to
laugh for anyhow? This is a vale of
tears and we should always remember
shat in the uncertainty Of life death may
cut us off with an idle laugh upon our
lips. " "That's SO, groaned Jones. 'Tll
cut every line of fun right out, and off
he hurried and out went all the funny
business. As he went home at noon he
met a lady who said she didn't see
what they wanted to fill paper fun of
politics for, because nobody read that.
Don't they?" said Jones, ''then out she
goes, and when he got back it all went
out "I'm bound to please EN- ALL said
the editor, eff have to buy new Of
flee" Rightafter dinner aman of business
proclivities came in and said he didn't
see any use of "these silly little per-
sonals and them short local items that
didn't amount to anything anyway" If
It was his paper he would have some
thing OF higher nature or let the place
go bare. Jones listened and told the
foreman to whack out all that sort of
stuff at once. Then he felt easier, till
lot of pretty girls came in, and, after
making purchase, asked him what
newspaper was filled full of ADVERTISE
monts for; nobody ever read them, and
one said she was going TO stop taking
the paper ifshe was going to fill it up
that way, Jones told the young lady he
would have paper TO suit every one, or
rather made after the suggestions of
every one, and he hoped she would not
find fault Then he went and or
dered out every 'ad.' and smack
and smooth, and waited for
the next man. He came along pretty
soon, and said he could stand anything
but poetry, and that was his abomina-
tlon IN newspaper, and it never ought
to encounter the columns of local Jour
nal, because it was meant for magazines,
and that sort of papers Jones took it
in. and went out aud ordered all his fine
poetry knocked down. Then he waited
again, and a woman came in, and said
the fashion notes were no good, because
the magazines had them all in greater
quantity, and another thing she didn't
like, was the markets. "What good
was them" she said. "Idon't know, "
he replied, $50 I'll throw EN- out. 81
hope YOU will, she answered, and went
away. In ten minutes the markets and
fashions were on the standing galley.
Jones began to look around, and as he
was studying, small boy said to him
that marriage and death notices was
mighty thin readin'," and Jones slung
them clear out into the corner. After
this change he went over into the count
ing room, and an old man was there
waiting to pay his subscription. 5" ITS q
good paper, Jones, but in this place you
only want to take notice of local affairs,
and let all the miscellaneous aud general
business so, and-then Jones gave the
old fellow receipt and rushed back and
took out all the miscellaneous and gem
eral matter that was left, and as he took
out the last handful friend came
through the Office and critically examin-
ing his surroundings, said, 1.-THE Flap
doodle is a good paper, Jones, but do
think you have the ugliest head ON it L
ever saw. Why don't you change iii?
I'm certain never would let such head
appear on paper of mine." "AH
right" said Jones, and off came the
head. "Now, Mr.. Foreman" he con-
tlnued, clock up the forms and send
them down to the press room" The
forms were duly locked and went down.
and the paper came out and was dis
tributed as usual. The next morning,
the politician, and the solemn man.
the friend, the school girl. the woman,
the small boy, and all the rest Of
them were standing around the Fyop-
doodle office with blank sheets of paper
in their hands; not a line, not q word.
not sign of anything on it but column
rules, with nothing between. Glow Is
this?" said each to the other. "and
where's that fool editor, to impose on MS
in this way?" While they were thus
talking, the devil came in with letter