New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1881-06-01
HUMOR.


A tramp will not 90 away empty.
handed from good mans dOOr-it he
can reach an overcoat from the hall
rack.
Teacher "What arc tho principal
races of men?'' Smart boy at tho foot
of the class; go as you please races,
num-"
Il was never treated that way BEFORE"
said tho young man when he was kicked
out of doors. Very true, though it was
not the first time he had been thus served.
A lady stepping out of cab remarks
to the coachman: ''You have a remark
able bad horse, my friend" .'Oh," says
the coachman, she's only little negli-
gent, that's all.''
Guest CATER jolly EVENING": "Goo'
right, Of fellah-1'll leave my boosh
oushide' door, Bohemian host: eau
right, M boy-hic-nobody I'll toussh
'em-goo' light!' Exeunt.
A fellow who was arrested tho other
day desired the Judge to permit him to
issue bonds to run twenty years. Tho
Judge, however, concluded to make q
special deposit of the principal.
Eyes, sir,' said Gallagher, lit was
funny enough to make donkey laugh.
laughed till I CRIED" and then he saw
smile 60 round the room, he grow red
in the face, and went away mad
When a Galvestonian was told that q
friend of his was i'll and was sinking
fast, he said: '.Well, I am not surprised,
I always thought that would be about
the direction he would go when he died"
A poet says: ''Whcn the sun imprints
goodnight kiss upon the western ho-
rizon the sky bushes" How pretty is
the thought! The sky bushes when the
sun rises in the morning; but then the
poets are always asleep, for genius is
generally late.
Professor to student who writes not
for the masses, but for tho educated
few): ''You should write so that the
most ignorant of your audience can un-
derstand all you can say" Student
(puzzled): ''What part Of my produo-
ton is not clear to you, sirp"
Johnny goes to school and is disting-
uishcd among his comrades for his lazi-
ness. t'In my Glass; he said before
company yesterday, ''there are four Of
us, and am the best" But seeing his
father frown at him, hastily added:
'tNext to Louis, George, and Andrew!'
A man had just taken his seat in q
street-car, in fact he had got fairly down,
when lady entered. He Immediately
rose. ''Don't rise, sir; beg of you.
don't!' she said. s'Good heavens,
ma am," he yelled, II must! There's q
pin three inches long set up on that
seat
Buffalo Bill is not 50 great an actor
~ Salvini; but when he dashes upon the
stage, kills seven Indians, puts thirteen
to fight, removes quantity of scalps
lined with red flannel, and rescues tho
lovely maiden who is chained to the
stake, the audience appears to be per-
fectly satisfied with him.
A famous surgeon advises one of his
patients to undergo an operation. ''Is
it very severep' asked the patient.
':Not for the patient" says the doctor;
I'VE put him to sleep; but very hard on
the operator elbow so p'' 1--WE suf-
fer terribly from anxiety. just think,
it only succeeds once in q hundred
timesn
''Any good shooting on your farmP''
asked the hunter of the farmer. ''Splend-
i'd" replied the agriculturalist. There's
q drive-well man down in the clover
meadow, cloth peddler at tho house, q
candidate in the barn,-and two tramps
down in the stock yard. Climb right
over the fence, young man, load both
| harro1a Qnd collin :,
On Physiogn Enthusiastic Lady
What . sweetly pretty boy of yours,
Mrs. Fnnigan. What beautiful black
eyes he has! I'm sure he will be both
excitable and impulsive ~ black-eyed
people always are, you know. Mrs.
Fnnigan-Sure, miss, an perhaps you re-
right. His fathers excitable and i'm
pulsive enough. be-dad! So, loikly, it's
why he's never widout q black eye, sor-
70 . bit! 3.