Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-01-07
sydney Smith and the Scotch.

sydney Smith and the scotch
Though truly loving them, his quick
sense OF the luaicrous made him derive
great amusement from the little foiblc!
and peculiartics ct the scotch; anG
ottep has lie made them laugh by hi:
descriptions Of things which struck his
Englishseye. Z" Il requircs.' he used &c
say, 81 surgical operation 70 get joke
vel. into Scotch understanding
Their only idea of wit, or rather tia.
inferior variety Of this electric ta!gn,
which prevails occasionally in the north,
and which, under the name Of 'wut,
is so infinitely distressing to people Of
good taste, is laughing immediately
at stated intervals. They are 50 i,nbucd
with metaphysics that they even make
love metaphysically: | overheard q
young lady Of my acquaintance, at A
dance in Edinburgh, exclaim. in a sud
den pause CT the music, What you
say, my lord, is very true Of love i'll the
abstract" but Here the idaiers
began iadiing furiously, and the rest
was lost. No nation has so large a
stock OF benevolence OF heart: if you
meet with an accident, half Edinburgh
Immediately tlocks to your door to
inquire after your pure hand or your
pure foot, and with degree Of inter-
est that convinces you their whole
hearts are in the inquiry. You lind
they usually arrange their dishes at
dinner by the points of the compass:
Sandy, put the gigot Of mutton to the
so1th, and move the signet sleeps
head q, wee bit to the nor'.wast' If
you knock at the door, you hear shrill
female voice from the fifth flat shrek
out, 'Wha's chapping at the door 2
which is presently opened by u lassie
with short petticoats, bare legs and
thick ankles. NV Scotch servants bar
gained they were not to have salmon
more than three times week, and
always pulled of their stockings, in
spite of my repeated objurgations. tie
moment my back was turned "Their
temper stands anything but en- attack
on their climate; even the enlightened
mind of jeffrey cannot shake eff the
illusion that myrtles flourish at Craig
Crook. In vain have represented to
him that they arc of the genus Carduus,
and pointed out their prickly peculiari-
ties. In vain have reminded him that
have seen hackneyc coaches drawn by
four horses in the winter, on account of
the snow; that I had rescued man
blown flat against my door ty the vio-
lepce OF the winds, and black in the
face; that even the experienced Scotch
fowls did not venture to cross the
streets, but sided along, tails aloft,
without venturing to encounter the gale.
jeffrey sticks to his myrtle illusions,
and treats my attacks with as much
contempt as if l had been wild vision
airy, who had never breathed his caller
air, nor lived and suffered under the
rigor of his climate, nor spent five
years in discussing metaphysics and
medicine in that garnet of the earth
that knuckle-end OF England that land
OF Calvin, oat-cakes and sulphur
An Expensive Collie.
Beldazle was taken with a sudden
collie on the street the other day, and
cherry bounce was suggested to his
mind as remedy. Now, be it known,
he is not IN the habit of visiting sample
rooms. but not being rigid Inoralist
ne WILL, when occasion requires, pass
the Rubicon. Before him no saw q
cigar store, and it would be folly to
deny that he knew what was behind it.
He was just about entering the door
when he saw approaching from an op.
posite direction his respected father. in
law, a deacon of the church in good and
regular standing. Of course he had to
defer the application of tho remedy,
which he had himself prescribed, and
TO hide his confusion, rushed up to the
Did man and greeted him in the most
cordial manner possible. AS he had
not spoken to the aforesaid venerable
gentleman for six months, owing to
some financial misunderstanding, the
V. G. was somewhat astonished, but
he very readily held out the hand of
reconciliation. After a pleasant chat
hey separated, and walking around the
block Beldazle returned to his original
point OF departure. Boiling suddenly
into the place where the rosy was dis
lest he should meet with
interruption, he ran plump into
man who was coming out, and knocked
him sprawling upon the floor amid the
wreck of tumblers and bottles, tables,
chairs and other articles which usually
adorn the downtown halls of noonday
He picked the man up,
and heard indistinctly uttered from a
mouth which had been deprived Of its
'front.' teeth: Don't say word, Tim
othy; don't say word; had the collie,
and had to come in here to get some
hing to warm me up" Timothy got
MS medicine, but it cost him five dol
lars for the preliminaries. The old man
was too mean to share the expense, but
he kept Beldazle's secret on account of
The other deacons.-Boeton Courier.
The Car and His Brother.
l hear that the Gear is threatened
with blindness, and that it is doubted
n he w0n15 obtain anv raliof bx, n, ~,