Democratic messenger., 1881-09-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

dress Is the low and behold style.
! WHAT the baggaee-master really says
is Have your trunk chucked ?"
MANY a woman who turns up her nose
at imitation butter wears oleomargarine
jewelry.
IT is to be presumed that the man who
plays the cornet was educated at an
institoot.
THERE are thirty-two circuses In the
United States, and each one is the big
gest show on earth.
CoNUNDRUM for amateur violinists:
What is the most important point in
amateur violin playing? Stopping
JONES and his wife lived in Vermont,
Far from old oceans side;
Yet frequently their neighbors hear
The murmur of the tied
IT is said that spurious VIRUS for vac
cination is sold in Philadelphia. A man
who would do that should be pitted-
deeply.
A MAN must punch over 200 half-dol-
lars to get silver enough to make sixty
cents, and yet some one keeps on npunch-
ing.
IT is rumored that nearly all the men
reported missing in Boston latterly are
policemen. AT least there whereabouts
are not known.
THERE are only seventy-eight methods
of adulterating lager beer in this conn
try. The rest of the methods are used
on gin and whisky.
A BOARDING house mistress. like the
rest of US, has her weak and strong
points, the weak point being her tea,
and her strong point the butter.
A MOTHER advised her daughter to oil
her hair, and tainted away when that
candid damsel replied: "Oh no, ma
it.spoils the gentlemen's vests.
IT IS noticed by the Utica Observer
does not advertise is brought into promi-
nence, and a red flag is always used.
The Post Office Department still con-
tinues to charge ten cents for putting
such marks ON letter with money in
closed as will save a robber the need of
opening others.
An Albany paper tells of woman in
that city, who woke her husband during
storm the other night and said "I
do wish you would stop snoring, for
want to hear it thunder"
man " Confound it you've shot the
dog / thought you-told me you could
hold.a gun ?" Pat +: "Shure, and so I
can, your honor. It's the shot, sor, I
couldn't hould p
A vAGABoND seeing the motto, Sop
portunity makes the thief" said: "Not
always l found q big anchor and chain
cable on the pavement the other night,
and didn't touch it, and there was no
body about neither" -
TOURIST: where is Block Island?'
Polite American "In Rhode Island"
Tourist :" But how can you put one
island in another island?" Polite Amer
ican 40, that's nothing-we accom-
plish anything in this country"
A HARTFORD editor says that stuffed
shark is good eating. AS raw sailor is
the usual stuffing found in sharks, the
majority of the people will perhaps not
regard the Connecticut editors taste
with any marked degree of admiration.
The girls at fancy fairs who want So
for a ten cent article are always the
ones who never made cent of money
for themselves and have no idea of its
value. They are just the ones, too,
that no man not a millionaire ought to
marry.
THE manner in which Connecticut
courts and juries are run has provoked
criticism from every State in the Union.
A man who commits murder in that
State has got to own it and prove it be-
6,
Press.
"MARY," he asked, "why am I like
butter ?" He expected her to say that
it was becausehe was the genuine article,
and he was completely crushed when
she promptly replied "Why, guess
it's because the hotter it gets the softer
you act"
SHE Cbewitchingly) "Oh, I'm so
glad your going to see me to my car
riage, Mr.. Browne ~ He (hattered)-
Indeed and may ask why?" She
"Oh, because the girls are so jealous,
and want to prove that do not mo-
nopolize all the good looking men,"
Browne satisfied but not SO happy as
he expected to be.
Your going now from me, dear Kate,
But shall still be true;
I'll write letter every day,
loving billet-doux.
Said Kate: go, Billy letter day
Not pass but on it you
Write TO your dearest, loving Kate,
Remember, billet-doux.
"MR. SAILOR" said an old lady to a
weather beaten tar who had called at
her house for lunch, "you must see
good many curiosities at sea?" go,
yes," said Jack, and Immediately COM
menced telling of the great leviathans of
the deep. "But how do these great
fish live p queried the old lady. go,
much as the large fish on land-by de-
vouring the smaller ones" "But they
don't eat em raw, do they ?" go, no;
every fifth fish carries a kettle on his
tail for cooking p
A CoMET-IcAL PROTEST.
There was comet A and comet B,
But here comes now the comet c.
Aud who can know
How soon will show
Tho ooVoafS N T. y and n