The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1881-12-01

The following was picked up yesterday
on Main street, in the neighborhood of the
HERALD Office and addressed to the Texas
siftings. But we concluded to publish II
first, and then send copy to the Siftisgs
This method will save two cents:
Ills is Book. Yes, IT. is a New Book
but it is 40 Years old. See, it Has got the
Seal of State on it. Look at the pictures
Who made them, they are so bright IN Their
colors? They were borrowed from the cir
Gus bill-poster, and are chromos to make
the Book SELL they crow more about
the pillow than anything else. See that
Rabbit. His ears are bigger than
theman's gun. He can out run candidate
for Governor. See that man IN sunday
clothes; he is Hog and poultry tender in
Texas. lie calls his rooster Robinson,
because it ''erew-so." and he calls his hog
Maud, because it would '.come into the
garden" Does the Book sell well? Yes,
the railroads buy it by 1000 copies at the
time. Why do the Railroads buy that
Book? Uncle Daniel. of the Age,
an tell you if he would
This Man with theGreenBag is q Lawyer.
How smart he looks with all his, books.
They are great Books bound with sheep, to
prove anything for his sheep-head clients.
Does he sell those Books? No. They sell
those who swear by them. They can show
that and I are y. How can q Lawyer
tell what the law is or what q Jury or a
Judge will decide, or whether his
Client will win or lose? By tossing up q
Nickel or jack knife. Is he a Producer!
Yes, he produces an annual crop OF law
suits with all kinds of brambles. Does this
business pay? Yes, the Judge can give
good dinners, and the Lawyers by-and.bye
can ride in carriages and go to the Legisla-
ture. The Lawyer can cry before jury
lust like Baby. Is that Lawyer in busi-
ness? Yes, he belongs to the Firm OF
Ketchum g. U Cheatem.
Here is a policeman. He dresses in blue,
wears brass buttons and carries pistol and
a baton. What does He do? He walks the
streets and draws-his salary. Is He a
smart man? Yes, he is an Astronomer. He
inspects the stars every hour through the
glasses. He can See and lie can hear when
he is thirsty and called on, or when little
boy or poor man gets into trouble. Is he
brave Man? Oh, yes, he is brave man,
him. The Policeman is grateful to that
rich man, who can make him Shut his eyes
and put him tosleep with a bank bill.
".
Who is this big Man? That is Councilman.
What is his business? 10 save money ior
the CITY by watching the spiggot and not
seeing the big leak at the bungo hole.
What makes him step so High? He
is crossing the street and it is full OF
Holes and mud, and he does not
want to soil his new boots bought
with his pay from the city he loves so. See
He has fallen down. Yes. into man,,trap
on the sidewalk. But he did not break his
leg like the Poor man whom it cost $iOo TO
get cured up, besides loss of his work. II
you want TO get up a Family Tree and
run for Council man. You will be like
Zebra when the race is over; your
ribs will be all on the outside.
What makes that Man drive so'fast? 1t is
a Doctor, and he must make people believe
he has got Lots of business on hand. Where
is he going? To see man with slight
Fever whom he will keep in bed warm
uncomfortable a month, and then tell how
low he was and How he brought him ont.
But what if the man dies? he
will say it was from the bad
treatment of the first Doctor,
or from weak Constitution that would not
react, or the want of proper Nursing. Are
Doctors sociablc people. Oh, yes, they
will visit you 5 times day, and bring a
doctor friend with them to consult; They
sometimes too, have sore Threats, because
they swallow Dictionary once week, ana
scare Won when they describe your disease.
What makes them write in Latin.
Because they are afraid You
find out what are the virtues
of pure Water and bread Pills.
See This Man. How tired he looks.
Why does He hang his Head so? He has
been reading one of the 4-Column Edito-
rails of the Dallas HERALD. He is wool-gath-
ering in the High Tariff discussion, and
cursing the law that makes Him pay $50
for $40 suit of wooden clothes. Now he is
thinking about County roads, City streets,
Railroad centres and Independent newspa=
pors. Sc he has something in his Hand rs
Il spider web? No, it is a map with all
the Texas railroads with their great
Trunks coming TO Dallas. An Editor can
live on Air and Puffs and the first water.
melon of the season. But He goes to all
the Balls and Dinings and Festivals Tree.
He goes Free to the Theatre and on the
Railroad. He is a Spare man, that is,
always spare Of cash. He is Moral man,
never drinks nor smokes except when He is
Invited What does he write with a
pair of Shears and a Paste Pot, and he
relies on these very much. Is He amiable!
Yes, when a big, Brawny fellow is mad
about something in the paper but he gets
orful mad when a Small man Has anything
TO say against it.