, 1881-07-31

For, while he stood meath the window-stll,
1 Singing my darling IS charms,
snt in the parlor dark aud still,
With the girl thnt he sung In my arms
And whut in thunder did have to be mar
| about? :'''@>
INTHE ROLE OF SPORTSMAN.
| IBroosiu,s Eagle.
"Say, my dear." said Mr. Spoopendyke, as
! lie drew gun from the case and eyed il
critically, y want you to wake me Up early
i'll the morning, Pm going shooting.''
I Isn't that too sweet" calculated Mrs
Spoopendyke. "Ill wear my new dress and
my Saratoga waves. Where do VIC go?n
'l'm going down on the island, and you'll
probably go us far as the front door
grunted Mr.. Spoopendyke ."Women donn
go shooting. It's only men. All you've got
to do is to wake me up and get breakfast.
When come home we'll have some birtls.n
|Won't that be nice ?'' chimed Mrs. Spoop-
endyke. "Can you catch birds With that
thing?" and Mrs. Spoopendyke fluttercd
around the improved breach-loading shot
gun, firmly impressed with the idea that it
was some kind Of trap.
Is can kill 'em with this,'' explained N[r.
Spoopendyke. "This is gun, my dear; it
isn't nest with three speckled eggs in it.
nor is 1t u barn with hole in the roof. You
stick the cartridge III here and pull this
tj!nger;;plece, and down comes your bird every
"Well, isn't that the greatest thing! Isup-
pose II you don't want partridge, you can
STICK duck or a turkey in tAat end too. OF
a hsh OF lobster, and bring it down Just as
quiek."
field, or dod gasted female idiot in there,
III
dyke. Who said anything about a part
ridge2 It's a cartridge that goes in lhere!''
Oh!' CALCULATED Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Tasr rae 5rG drsst5slen. +; 1see now Where does
''Uc goes to night school. if he hasn't got
any more sense than you have" snorted
Mr.. Sp0opendyke, Look here, now, and I:lI
show. you how it works. aud ALr. Spoop-
endyke, whose ideas Of a gun were about
as @ vague as those Of his wife, inserted the
cartridge half way in the nluZzle end, aud
cautiously cooked the weapon.
And when the bird sees that he comes and
pecks at it! Isn't That the funniest" and
Mis. spoopennIyke clapped her hands i'll the
out your hand and catch him!n
" You've struck it," howled Alr. Spoopen-
dyke, who had the hammer on the E;If-cock,
ana was valnly pulling at the trigger to ret it
down: That's the idea! All you need is
four feathers and a gas bill to be martin
Il
new stock ulld steam trlp-hamIner to be a
l,eedie-guni Don't you know the dod gasted
thing has got to 70 off before you get bird?
r o4 shoot the birds; you don't wait for 'em
AT home we used to always chop their
heads off with an AK" faltered Mrs. Spoopeu-
lykc-
''Sohwould I. if was going after nleasly
30 ,nl hens" retorted Mr. Spoopendyke, who
.ad !. ,,l,, managed to uncock the ,contrivance,
ows go like a sportsman. While Pm wait
ng for a bird," continued Mr.. Spoopendykc,
d1usflng the cartridge ut the breeell, II put
ls sot, Lag IN here for safety. And when 1 see
bang! went the. gun, knocking the tail
athers out Of all eight day clock, and plow-
1s toot furrow in the wall, perforating the
lest ts It door, and eliminating in Mr.. Spoopen-
yke's plug hat.
,,o.,'"s'I', GoounIess, GRACIOUS r. =, squeaked Mrs.
:A1r. Spoopendyke gathered himself up and
Dntelnplated the damage.
why eodldn't ye keep still ~ heshrieked.
What'd ye want to disturb my aim for and |
lake ME let it otf ? Think I can hold back
j. Charge of powder and pound Of shot !
gun barrel ~
i" II that had been bird, how nicely you
oufd have shot it?' suggested Mrs. Spoo-
,'dyke, .soothingly. 'tlt you should ever
~ ~ - bl4us }OuA CittC1l HllI!. SufCI'
- Oh you know what could do! With
'ur Information about gunnery you only {
I'D Wad in your mouth and kick like 4 :
nlc to bGi mountain howitzert If had +
ur intelligence OIL sporting subjects. I'd | t
re- out for Il silotf0werl Don't YOU know E
u,ye spoiled the dOd gasted gun ?' And r
r. Spoopei1tiyke, anxious for some excuse :,
take 1t back to his friend SpeckleWottIe. II
10 loaned it to him, held it out and eyed C
; wife sterllly. 81 You've ruined that gum, ST
continued solemnly. 1t won't ever go Il
ag;lin.'' +
Never mind, dear,' consoled Mrs. Spoop- Il
Iyke. ''1t's been Oft enough. and I'd lust =,
lief have some clans as birds. You 60 to i,
and we'll try aid do without any birds" -,
1t WON'T ever 70 off again." repeated AR. 81
9opendyke. lis he climbed into his couch, n1
hat Is Il ruined ,gun,'' aud he turned his 2,
{. 10 the wall. F.
lrs. Spoopcndyke slowly disrobed, having ~,
t turned a stream of water Into the gun i,f
III the faucet, and betook her to rest, 7.It hv
+ not 90 Off again." she thought, shut If -
oe:s, the nefgtlb0rs will think the water
II has burst,n with which reflection she dc
an to pat the ear Of Mr.. SpOopefltiyke. nj
J turned over like an earthquake. and 49,,
tied to know if she thought she hadn't
Z enough mischief without lammipg him lac
q dod-gasted blacksmith ~ tat
,- aN
ESTHET1C HOUSEKEEPING. ge
Dftroit Post. IL
le was a graduate of Vassar, and, when mf