Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-08-25

of all good citizens without regard to
politics, race, color, or previous cOndi-
ton of servitude.
He was Shutdown by q driveling idiot
who was in search of notoriety.
Here was q gunsh0t wound to be
treate J..
Here was a chance for the doctors to
get in the papers.
Here was chance to fill the eye of
hundreds of millions of people.
Men distinguished as skillful practi-
TONERS of medicine and surgery were
called to the bedside of the sufferer.
The magnitude of the wound was
not great, but the magnitude of the pa
tient, and of their employment, was
immensely Unreasonable.
Their. small heads swan in a sea of
opportunity.
They left the bullet in, and, for pur-
poses of professional ACKNOWLEDGEMENT,
resOrted to BULLETINS, "ad ntfnituna,
al zauseuns.
And when they could not relieve
their overfiowing garrulousness by
bulletins, they, or some Of them, would
procure themselves to be interviewed
by reporters for flash papers, and large
ly and voluminously prognosticate
skill, and the patients case in connec-
ton Herewith; which representations.
generally had to be retracted, on &C
count of the patients condition, inside
of three days, and columns Of space oc-
cupied in showing that conditions"
had changed, and that all other medi-
cal men were "liars."
Other men, with q handle to their
names, without an exanina ton of the
wound, without any actual knowledge
of its character, but solely for the pur-
pose of notoriety, promptly proceeded
to criticize the treatment adopted by
the attending physicians, and to food
the land with their gratuitous opinions
of the particular case, and of hypothet-
ical cases stated.
Thus were the homeopathic alo-
paths, the vetinaries and the big Ip-
jun" doctors, the blood-letters and the
blockheads, and last, but not least,
came the pOnderous journalistic Bus
TER, who, of necessity" knew all
about it, and, Of course, chad to tell it,"
Every one Of them had a theory and
system totally different from every 9TH
er one, and which, unlsss Immediately
snuffing out of the f1ickeii flame of
AiiC III tlo OiceiuS uIollCu oulCtcI, dIIu
the busting of the stock market higher
than "Gilroy's kite"
The homeopathist sent box of little
pills.
The alopath sent fly blister.
The vetinary sent a prescription for
the 'big-head," which was immediate
ly forwarded to the editor in charge of
surgery OH the staff of the New York
Herald: some wicked eVil-minded per-
son having suggested that that was the
place where it would do the most good.
The blood-letters sent box of New
Jersey mosquitoes, with full instruc-
tons as to how the coy, shy things could
sometimes be induced to relieve man
of his surplus claret.
The "Big Injun" doctors recommend
ed the "heroic treatment" and sent a
carload of tomahawKs and scalping-
knives.
The blockheads had no specific sug-
gestions of their own to make, but dis
sented, generally from all plans. sugges-
tons and remedies presented by others.
The "Ponderous Journalistic Buster"
hoisted his food-gates, broke up the
fountains of his great deep, and rained
technical terms for forty days and for
ty nights on a helpless and suffering
world.
Then the nations arose in their might,
and to the slow music of "An Eloquent
Big Toe" they kicked him into the
middle Of the sea.
And the presumptive presumption is
that the same well-earne fate awaits
the Bulletin" fiends.
Authority: THE AUTHOR.