The Portland daily press., 1881-01-01
Cows Teeth.
Ignorance Stalking Through the Ian
(Peck's SUM-

lPeck's SUM-
A couple of third ward citizens met each
other on the sidewalk last Monday me crning as
they were starting for their places of business,
and one of them, who resides on Van Buren
street, asked the other, jackson street man,
II COWS had any front teeth on their upper jaw
. The jackson street man was little astonished
at the question, as there had been nothing said
about cows, but replied promptly.
why, OF course they have front teeth on
their upper jaw; how could they bite OF grass
if they hadn't?"
The. Van Buren, street man said it was not
question of logic, but question of fact; and il
the jackson street man did not know whether
COWS had front teeth on the upper jaw or not,
he ought to say SO. 81 did not ask you for
your opinion" he said; ~ asked if you knew"
The Jackson street man was little nettled
at this, and replied with some warmth. He
said if he had a child 3 years who would ask
such question as that, he should be afraid tho
child was an idiot.
"You would?''
II certainly should
"Then,' said the Van Buren, street man.
"as it is such simple question, of course you
can tell me whether COWS have got front teeth
on their upper jaws or whether they have
not"
why, OF course they have"
"They have, eh7"
Eyes"
'1'll bet you $40 they haven't" said the
Van Buren, street citizen, pulling out O roll of
bills, and peeling off couple fves and shaking
them at his neighbor. "Put up or shut up"
There is some internal catch about this
thing" said the other, suspiciously; 81 might
have known it, too, the minute you asked me
such an internally idIotic question:
NO catch at all about it," replied the other.
III cows have got front teeth on their upper
Jaws the $40 is yours. II they haven't the
money is mime Nothing could be fairer than
But still the jackson street man hesitated.
1t was barely possible that COWS did not have
any front teeth on their upper Jaws He re
membered then that cows in biting off grass
horses nipped it off by jerking their noses in
ward He was astonished at how near he had
come to being victimized, but he did not like
to come down. The two were then near tho
meat n3es market near the corner of jackson and
Michigan streets, and the jackson street man
was sure that butcher would know for certain
whether or not cows had front teeth on their
upper jaws; and SO he pushed open the door
and said to the proprietor:
"Linehan, have cows got front teeth on their
upper jaws?"
Llnehan was running q skewer through a
roast Of beef, but he stopped, looked 9p In
astonishment, and said: l
"Have COWS got front teeth on their upper
iaws?" NPp0N
"Cows?' ..l....r -'ar-.s ,.f
"Yes" -f r.U .a-...+.
Got Got front teeth on their upper iaws?"
Upon my word 1 don't know"
You don't know" $685. "-
"No. You see I buy my beef by the quarter
at the slaughter house, and don't have any
out for you when 60 over
~ wish you woald"
SO the jackson street man closed the door
and reJoined his neighbor, and the two walked
along without saying word. A milk wagon
solved to hail the driver and ask him the ques-
tlon, rs 1t Is popularity supposed that milkmen
are more or less familiar with cows. The Van
buren street citizen cleared his throat and
said: W """
Go ahead with your tests. II you find any
whole of it,"
The citizen told him to be calm, as they
had no intention OF testing his milk, but only
wanted to know if COWS had front teeth on their
upper jaws.
The milkman looked at them about n min.
a.e, ana them whipped up his horses and
ea aIove on mentioning some kind of fool that
tney were. UP on Wisconsin street they saw
another milkman delivering milk, and over
taking him. they explained the dispute He
smiled pityingly upon their ignorance and
said:
"Of course cows have front teeth ON their
upper 1aws-a driveling idiot ought to know
that much. A COW would be a handsome
looking OBJECT without any front teeth in her
upper jaw, wouldn't she?S
I've concluded to take that bet of yours"
said the jackson street man to the other.
or shut up.p NP
'.Why didn't you do it, then, when you had
chance! never claimed to know whether
COW had front teeth on her upper Jaw or not:
only thought had read SO somewhere. and
asked to see il you knew about it for certain
But now that the thing is settled there is MOTH
ing to bet on as l can see.' .slI a'7 .1ITtt r.
80, of course not,' said the jackson street
man, sarcastically; "of course not"
just then Mr.. Clark of the Newhall House
happened along, and as the milkman picked up
his lines and drove off. the Van Buren, street
about cows. Mr.. Clark said he did, having
formerly been farmer and cattle buyer.
we'll" said the Van Buren, streeter, edo
You know 1 got the queerest idea into nv head
u TINS morning about COWS that man ever had
Somehow or other got the idea that cows had
no front teeth on their upper jaw; and actu-
ally offered to bet ten dollars with this man
that such was the case. don't see what pos
sessed me.'' fN-
We'll, II you had bet, you would have won
the money" said Mr.. Clark ~,
"What!' exclaimed both the citizens to.
gether.
II say if you had bet you would have won
the money, for cows have no front teeth on
their upper jaws
:, Sweet spirit hear my prayer" said the Van
Buren, street citizen. as he brought out his roll
and peeled OF the two fves again, and shook
them at the jackson street man. who tnrned
away with a sickly smile, and said he could
not always be pulling out his money!
Ignorance seems to be stalking through the