Daily Republican., 1881-06-23
MIDSUMMER MIRTn.

1
MIDSUMMER MIRTH.
What Passes for HunOr In Sultry
Seasons.
! Byal! means, says philosopher Billings,
get married, if you have fair show.
Don't stand on the bank shivering, but
pi;ch right in and strike your head I'M
der and shiver out. There amt any
more trick in getting married than there
is in eating peanuts Many a man has
stood shivering on the shore until the
river ran out. Don't expect to marry
an angel, they have been ali picked up
long ago. Remember you hain't saint
| yourself. Do not marry for beauty eX-
clusively; beauty is like ice, awTtllly
slippery and thawS dreadfully easy.
Don't marry for luv neither; luv is like
| u cooking stove, good for nothing when
| the fuel gives ont. But let the mixture
be- some beauty, becOmingly dressed,
with about two hundred and fifty dol
lars in her pocket, sud spelier handy
and neat in her house, plenty of
good cents, tutf constitution ami by
laws, small feet, light step; add to this
sound teeth and warm heart. The
mixture will keep in any climate and
will not evaporate. Don't marry fOr
pedigree unless it's backed by banknutes
A family with nothing but pedigree
generally lachS sense,
TOO MUCH FOR THE BAEKETPEE.
There are 4 great many Chinese emf
grants in some parts OF Australia; aud
d publican who had many small
dealings with the "almoud eyes" found
them close e-remarkabiy close, though
honest. But on certain day bis conf
dence was rudely shaken. John faced
the bar, and blandly, as usual, request
ed "two shilling blandly." 1t was given
him in IA bottle, and the bottle went up
his capacious sleeve. But, AS he sought
tor the money amongst the mysterious
folds Of his neither gear, his face grew
blank. "No catchee money; hy-hy
catchee money, then CatChee hlandly."
He put the bOttle-rather bOttle-upon
the bar and retired. An hour elapsed
and he did not return Then BOnif:,ce
took up the bottle, intending to replace
the liquor in the original flask; but, ere
doing so, he applied it to his nose. Con-
fusion; the contents Of the bottle were
not even one-star brandy, but very
mild tea 1t was not the same bottle.
Just about-FaShionabe Galveston
young lady at % social gathering IT,
MARI S jeStingly to GillhoOly: II Won
der how much 1 would bring if | WAS
put up at auction, and sold TO the high
est bidder" 'Just about $4,000"
"Why, my jewelry alone is worth that" |
''Ies; that's what [ put ii down at in
my estimate.
Wit and Wisdom: consistency,
thou art a jewel! Some men will ride
ten mile S or more in a dirty and close !
on a raiiroa |, and be hap |
py; but the same men, it they have only |
half a dozen blocks to 60 in Il horse car,
will open all the yentiIatorS and howl |
for air, without regard to the feelings Of
all the other passengers.
Brooklyn Eagle: a Ioguacious man
suffering from insomnia was advised by
his physician to get married. He took
the advice, and meeting tuc doctor some
time after was asked:
'Are you troubled with sleeplessnesS
any lcnger?"
"Thauk Heaven, no." he answered,
'but my wife Is. "
Somebody makes the remark that the
most disagreeable month to q soldier is
. long March. 1t May be, but when a
soldier has been October by bullet
1nce or twice he changes his mind. -
YacOb Strauss.
March, may be disagreeable month
for soldier, but not for dra-June.
He drew his breath with gasping
sob, with Iuivering voice he sang;
Jut his voice leaked out and could not
iroWn the accompanist'S cIamorGus
Dang. He lost his pitch on the middle
A, he faltered ON lower ID, and found
,red at length like a battered wreck
drift on the wild high {.
Cambridge Tribune: The dnight
sun is the title Of a tine descriptive ar
lcle going the roundsof the press. But
II these degenerate days the midnight
on is Il passabiy good boy; it is the
hree-O 'clOCk-in-the-l luurning-sOn who
rieves his parents by his dissipation. ,
Burlington Hawkeye: France has {
oncluded a treaty Of peace with TIms. t
'unis, however, wasn't allowed TO 5
now anything about it until it was '
Oncluded. This relieved Tuuis of 7
reat deal of anxious thought and dis
racting responsibility.
"Doctor, my daughter seems to be
Ding blind, and she's just getting ready
,r her wedding, too! oh, dear mel what |
to be d,ne?" "Let her 20 right on a
it'll the wedding. madame, by ali I,
leans. If anything will open her eyes :
larriage will. y
A gentleman was complimenting n
retty young lady i'll the presence OF his r.
lie. n
"It's lucky did not meet Miss Hop u ~
ms before married you, my dear. " q,
"Well, yes, it is extHmely-tor her" h.
as the dry rejoinder. 6,
Modern Argo: "More puffy tbs IL any at
ing seen Tor years are the backs OF &C
me new skirts" says a fashion eN- si
aDge. The writer probably never to
nd u country newspaper hen the fist
up OF pumpKins began to come il.
At an evening party lady was call
upon for IL song, ana began: "l'll uo
ike again my tuneful Tyre" Her hus- so
nd was observed to dodge suddenly y, Ia II"
d start from the room, remarkins, ~
lot If know it, you won't" hn
A question Of eye-dentity-"Did the do
isoner at the bar strike you? Eye lit
nix So" replied the man with the dec rv,
tied optic. "Eye see," smiled the ba
tice-"eye-dent-ity established-S$ tb,
l trimmings" "
What building is tnat?" asked
anger of a boy, pointing to school
lse. "That," said the boy, "why
It's tannery,' and he feelingy y in
bed his back as he passed on. gre
Whitehall Times: When a man in Ma
e.