The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1881-10-11
SAL tfKs Jelly RERAIl.
TUESDAY MoKN1Ne. Der. 9, i'll
taLH AGE a cIacAssIAN Be VIY.


zrst Sunday Is tlIs mOath the Rev.
Tslmage gTta,r'd "a character site
sermon in nj B.UlEi,u t..brrLaeit
In which be ABOUT toe same a ieseI
eaat the AZ "a 3sia Gujtt-aI was q Nor
neu, and acted in The pay of the Nor
mons in shooting President Garfield.
Or coarse everybody knew ,Lat Tsl-
Rage was lying UNANIMOUSLY IL I'll
allegations and insinua:i Jus Many
sf the newspapers have &c ID nlm
sarplj on eccount Of bis y.lain,Cs
allegations. those journals, so IA as
re have seen, al being radically aO'l.
Mormoo 10 their tone. The New
Xerk Times put It's sarcastic e5itor a.
work upon the gymnaet preacher
and the result is given below:
Last Sunday Mr.. Talmage underworld
% convince MS audience that 6uittesu is
secretly q Mormon, and tEat be wss eul-
Dloved to shoot the late President By the
Mormon leaders. Mr. TRlmAge'z sermon
Vas entirely ch 4TacterlStic Of bins II,
bOth In It's eminent fsirL ess toward people
yshom he DIES no. like and in severe and
conclusive reasoning HE pretaced his
demonstration that Guitteau Is Mormon
By remsrking that while be would not
positively a sert that the assassin Wa. q
Mormon, nevertheless he would not dare
- say that he was not-which was sn
effective way of saying 10 his audience
II want you 10 believe that Guitt-au Is u
Mormon, though l dom. quite dare 20
Say that ne is" Having thus de-lt what
Re believes To be safe and da gerous
stab TO the Mormons, Mr.. Tslmag4 pro-
ceeded to prove beyond any possibility
Of doub. that Gutteau is MeTmot EN-
sssary He said that the a-sassln, at one
period Of his life, had been mem Der
Of the Oneida Community, and that he
Is in ths hsbit 'of saying that the Lord
told him to shoot Garfield, form IF
expression which reminded Mr.. Taim4ge
of the csuting phrases IN use amOf & I -
Aormons. As the Oneida Community
has no more connection with the MOr-
raons than has the Shaker com munity OF
New Lebanon, AID as cant Is the mOn-
eDoly of no particular sect, the wonder
parent After such demonstration tt Is
impossible to doubt that Guitteau was
Mormon, and that be was sent ~ Is as
sinate Garfield By the successor Of Brig
lam Young In fact, the real assassin
vas the Mormon leader-Guitteau bens
only his tool-and it could almost be
wished that TAimsge could De s-nJ 10
preach TO the President OF the Latter
lay Saints, although such a punishment
would probably be denounced By senLi- |
meatal philanthropists Is cruel and III |
human
The system of logic adopted by Mr..
Tslmsge is, Of course, far superior TO that
OF the late Mr.. Mill, but Nj. Ialmsge
cannot rightfully claim the monepO y
of il. Now that he has shown Us now to
reason, be should generously allow US
20 reason as well as himself. ExtraordI-
nary and surprising results m77 be ar
rived III by the use Of the Talmagian
logic, and among them is the ease with
which Mr.. Tslmage may be proved to be
al sorts of persons.
L may not be judicious TO positively
assert that Mr.. Talmage is q beautiful
CircassiRn girl, bu. no cautious person
would dare to assert the contrary.
The evidence is simply Overwhelming.
Mr.. Talmsge was ONE years ago, the
pastor of congregation in Philadelphia
She members of which, we may assume,
were really Circsssians, except IN the
srifing matters of nationality, Gus
toms, and religion; and Mr.. Talmsge is
fond Of informing the public OF the
views and intentions of the Deity-a
practice which prevails among certain
persons in Circsssls, as we'll as with con-
ceited and fanStical men aRd women all
over the world. The conclusion that Mr..
Talmage is q beautiful Circassian girl is
as Irresistible, according to the Tai
magian logic, as was the conclusion
drawn from his argument OF last Sunday
that Guitteau is q Mormon.
Il is, however, necessary in damoa-
stratiug that Mr.. Talmsge Is a beautiful
Gircassi4n girl, to coufne ones self
strictly to the arguments used by that
agile divine in the case Of Guitteau
Other and cumulative evidence is sbun-
dsnt and should be used. The beautiful
Circassiau girl is. as every one knows,
q person who gains her living by
exhibiting her personal peculisrities 10
public, and the same is unquestionably
true Of Mr.. Talmsge. She is noted for
wealth Of hair, which is one of her most
has seen Mr.. Talmage knows what
large share his long hair has in his pull
pit performances. As a dancer she is
nearly always graceful and agile, aud it
is notorious that Mr.. 1slmage is The
most graceful and agile preacher, especi-
ally in point of legs, that has ever danced
in a strictly religious way-in an
American pulpit. The Circassian girls
besuty is proverbial, and her photo.
graphs always have ready sale, but the
portraits of Mr.. Talmage are scat
tered over the land as nunerously as
the sands Of the sea are scattered at Coney
Island. AS rule, the Circsssian girl is
q native of Long Island, and though Mr..
Tslmage's birthplace is not generally
known, and more than seven cities eagerly
deny that they gave him birth, it is
known that Long Island is the home of
many OF his relatives. Finally, the
beautiful Circassisn girls methods Of
reasoning are SO absolutely identical with
those of Mr.. Talmage, and she so closely
resembles him in the breadth Of her cul-
,ture, that he would be an obstinate man
indeed who would hesitate to believe
that Mr.. T&lmage is really, truly. and
thoroughly beautiful Circassian girl.
Returning once more to the purely Tai
H. 70