The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-01-28
ALLEGED BITS OF WIT.

Man wants but little here below, and he
gets it.-Bioonington Eye.
Nstur iuvs phun; IL she didn't, she neve,
would have made a monkey.-yosh Bill.
iings. ..-.. ..-
The Boston Globe says .yenus was In con.
junction with the moon Monday night y
Well, Monday was cold night.
Missouri whisky Is thorough. The day af-
ter Christmas the Kansas City Times man
saw men leaning against lamp posts all over
town. t f*s
The Philadelphia Ne,cs says It Is better to
have loved and have lost than to be obliged
to get up at O'Clock on cold winter mornings
to start q fire.
The gentleman Is scoundrel and . viii
lain," said Sparks. "The gentleman is a
liar" retorted Weaver. Apparently there
are several new kinds of gentlemen.
A young lawyer in Arkansas, having acase
decided against him by the Court, said :
an just take this case before another
Judge and let him makea guess what the law
Is, too"
We wish we owned monkey--ons of the
real fiendish ones. We'd give 1t to our ene-
my's son for a Christmas gift.--Boston Post.
Sink your animosities, brother; don't give
yourself away.
".There Is no place like home," but nine
men out of ten will leave Il six months out
Of the year for 5000 government Office in
Washington. And the tenth man will accept
$500 position.
No matter how deep young mans pock-
cts may be, colored silk handkerchief will
inevitably float to the top and fopover,wh
. soiled linen rag will sink to the bottom
like brick in a mud puddle.-Ne,o York
Dispatch.
Some fellow has discovered that there are
33,525 ways of spelling scissors. If he had
been correcting manuscript for 4 newspaper
he would have discovered that there are
about 999, 900 ways Of spelling every word
in the English language.-Steubenrilie Her.
aid.
A receipt for making soup: Take q pail OF
water and wash 1t clean, then boil 1t until it
is brown on both sides; pour in one bean
when the bean begins to worry prepare to
simmer. II soup won't simmer it's too rich ;
pour in more water; dry the water with a
towel before you put it in; the dryer the
water the sooner Ii browns. Serve while
hot.
q A well-known Boston man sent his wife as
a Christmas present copy Of the juvenile
magazine, "Our little ones" Her disap-
pointment was changed to JOY on finding be-
tween the leaves fifty fresh one dollar notes.
She hopes to receive q copy Of "Old Hun
dred" next season.--Bost0n Commercial
Bulletin.
Two Galveston men were making arrange
ments to 60 into business. One of them
says: at is understood, now, that get two
thirds Of the tke profits, having put in the
most capital" "All right" responded the
other; "but, If we have big luck and fail
then we are TO divide the profits even."---
Galpeston Ne,ss.
An Oil City Irishman. having signed the
pledge, was charged soon after with being
drunk. "'Twas me Observation-Disclosures 7
said Pat, .an' a habit have ov talkin' wid
mesef. sed to meself, ser l, Pat come In
an have, dhrink.' NO, SUR sez /, I've
sworn cff." Thin I'll drink alone seq /
An whin meself come out an faith an he
was dhrunk."
Does the country sufficiently realize what
. blessing Horace Greeley enjoyed that he
ran for President at . time when facsimile
letters had not been invented? The opposi-
tion could have printed any piece Of the
great journalists writing and called it what
they pleased, and no amount Of denial on
his part, or testimony on the part Of his
friends. could ever have proved that 1t was
not what his friends alleged 1t to be.-Rock-
land Courier.