Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1881-07-07
ALL SORTS.


The lady who. was lost in amazement has
been found
The boy who was well shingled by his
parent will shed water.
Josh Billings says that in the beds of many
hotels ''yu sleep sum, but role over a good
deal"
The Policeman is the name OF new Lon
don weekly, but we have not yet received it's
clubbing rates.
Are they called the Pullman cars because
the sleepers have to be pulled out OF bed in
the morning?
If a man really wants to find out what's in
him, let him go to sea. The first rough
weather will generally ascertain it.
''Is that marble?" said gentleman. point
ing to a bust of Kentuckys great statesman.
mo, sir; that's Clay" quietly replied the
dealer
A little girl defining bearing false witness
against your neighbOr," said 1T was when
nobody did nothing and somebody went and
told OF it,
"How much did he leave?" said lady, Oh
learning of the death of q wealthy citizen.
"Everything,' said the lawyer he didn't
take a cent with him."
Letter carrier: II won't carry this child
another STEP" said the postman to his wife.
Then give 1t to me- she replied. He Letter.
carrier own baby after that.
\ new song is called always Keep Smile
for Mother" Some young men will drink
every drop that is in the bottle without Civ
ing thought to their parents.
\ young lady recently presented her lover
OLE oil Str,., tn1
and was astOnished the following Sunday to
see him come into church wearing it as
cravat
Mother said Il little girl who was en-
gagged in making an apron for her doll, Il be-
lieve | will be a duchess when l grow up
"HOw do you expect to become II duchess ~
Why, by marrying a Dutchman, to be sure?'
replied the girl.
A Chicago paper tells of Il man who was
complaining that he had invested a large
sum of money in Wall street and lost it all.
A sympathizirg friend asked him whether
he was bull or a bear. He replied Neither
was jackass.
A country youth who desired to become
rich, sent twenty-tiv cents in answer to an
and received the following
receipt: Increase your receipts and decrease
your expenditures. Work eighteen hours a
day and live on hash and oatmeal Cruel"
An exchange says: I'VE give celery al
most daily to cur canary birds, and it cures
them of fits: they are little animals with
very delicate nerves, easily frightened, and
therefore they need such q remedy and the
relish with with which they take it is a
proof that it is good for them.
A young man from the country having
iaH cif> ct IIx
that his wife was first-class singer. with
voice. In fact" he wrote, "she
has mezzo-soprano of unusual power and
Her mother Immediately ans
wered: my son, that is what your Aunt
keZiah died of. She waited too long before
she had it operated on. Do not delay, but
nave it cut out at once if you value your
ady's life"
A fond mother living ON Galveston avenue
to teach her little boy to say his
prayers the other evening. She made him
'epeat the Lords prayer. He got along
until she came to the words,
Give us this day our daily bread" when he
paused and seemed to be absorbed in thought.
At last he said: Its no use asking God for
hat bread. You can't fool God that way.
He knows we have got biscuits enough in
he safe to last us for two days"
1t was peaceful Sunday school in Brook
yn, and q devout young lady teacher was
rying to instil into the minds of class of
,oys proper idea of the Omnipotence of God.
IN urchin inquired with great eagerness if
5od could do anything. Certainly" replied
he teacher. "He has power to do every
hing" ''Well," said the urchin, II should
ust like to know if He can make noun
ain so big He can't lift it Himself?" There
s a foundation for an AndOver theological
burglar in that boy.
1t is asserted that within eighteen months
wO and half miles of the proposed channel
unnel between England and France will
ave been excavated, and that the work will
'e completed in about four years. Still au-
ther grand scheme, however, for crossing
he channel is completed, namely, line of
teel tubes, sixteen feet in diameter, ballasted
D as to make it weigh one and quarter tons
D the foot less than the water displaced, and
eld at depth of thirty five feet below the
1rface, so as not to impede navigation, by
hains attached to caissOns sunk to the bottom