Daily Republican., 1881-01-13
METH AND mERRIMEHr.
ClfppinEs with n Humorous Tlnge
CLEANED from Exchanges.

The new preacher took his place II
the conference room. II was the frs
conference nesting held after his arri
val in the parish. One OF the deRconi
sat at his right. He Was q stranger X
almost every body.
The meeting proceeded. The deacon
acted as prompter TO the pastor, and
the two carried on broken con yersstion
in silent whispers. II served to intro
duoe the minister 10 his new members.
The dialogue ran something after thia
fashion:
"Who is thatH" said tn, preacher
"A man was speaking with quivering
lips, sobbing tones and slrssning eyes,
Che always spoke SOY
"That," said the deacon, "Gag Phil
der-yhose neighbo's horse jumped
into his corn-Geld, and he gagged the
animal. TIE poor critter almost
starved to death bstors he was found.
It made q muss in the parish, and he
has gone by the name Of Gag Phildsr'
ever since.
A sister arose and related her expe'
rienos Ia snnffling tones.
"smokes opium like Turk," whis-
pered the deacon. Another arose and
berated the fashions and 'ollies Of mod
ern church goers.
"Vinegar,' sibilate1 the deacon -
"she talked her husband u death, and
none of her children can live with her."
A man in the corner let fly a fiery
philippe.
"More ardent spirit than Holy Spirit"
the deacon.
A leading merchant dis3Oursed long
on honesty in trade.
sprays with his customers and then
skins ON, said the deacon.
Several spoke nodeStly, here and
here, about whom the preachers
made no remarks. His face
,louded as u sister rose and whined
'orth some common places about char
ty."
"Needs it herself scowled the dea-
,ou; "scnt her poor old mother to the
insane asylum, and took her money to
Juild a house WITH
A magni!oqueat brother followed
With pnugent exhor sations on the duty |
II the church to the distant heather.
"And yst,' said the deacon, "he
armed his own sister out Of his Own
house in way no heathen would
,var nava ltaaD pI1ilty of ~
Gan bAcsed and ready for haavon,
Ickets bought and paid for said |
.Dother Disciple.
"First thing he has paid for in
wenty years added the deacon,
Would 40. diapensstion Of silence
,s o blessed thlag for eoas of these
rail disuPlesH
"Oh, wouldn't IT,, gToanei the min
Iter.
ANOTHER GOOD BoY.
A Detroit grocer the other day was
waiting for his CLERK TO return
rom dinner and give him q chance al
is own monday meal, when boy
anne into ths store with basket in his
and aud said
81 seed boy grab up this ERE bas-
ct from tne door and run, and | run
tier hin and made him give it up"
"My lad, you are All honest boy"
"Yes, sir"
"Apd you look like good boy"
"Yas, eir."
"And good boys should always b.
acourazed. la box in the next back
JON there arc eight dozen eggs. You
lay taks them homs to your mother
nd keep the basket"
The grocer had been saving those
yga for days and weeks TO reward some
ne. In rewardjpg q good boy he also
1t eight dozen bsd Eggs carried ont OF
70 neighborhood free Of coss, and he
luCkled LITTLE chuck as he walked
oruewSrds."
The afternoon vent, night came and
eut, and once more the grocer went
} his dinner. When he returned he
as picking mis- teeth and wearing 4
,mplaCent sDile. His eyo caught o
asket Of eight doz N eggs as he enter
| the store, AMI he queried: |,
"Bsen buying souo eggs ;"
ayes, got hol1 of those from 3 far
er's boy" replied the clerk.
- lame boy with blue cap on ?"
eyes"
The grocer sat down and extmined
10 eggs. The shells had been washed
eau, bu! they were the same eggs
at good boy had iusgsd home the day
Free Press.
A SHARP WITNESS.
A late number of the New York Her. ,
d gives the following incident which
,curred in the TOombs Police Court ,
" days ago, when witness went to
,stify TO the good character OF his fell
w countryman, Patrick McGrath, +
ho was charged with assault and bat
,ry. The witness was too gsrrulous :
nd went too deeply into the gencaogy j
the McGr2ths to suit the complain ,
ats counsel. Twice ha tried to arrest
le torrent OF epcomluma and falling
IL he lost his temper and then said: |