New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1881-08-17
How We Advertise.

'Can I see the patriot of this printin'
millP' inquired man with forty
mule power voice, recently, at the
Eagle counting room.
''We're all in that line; what would
you like?" replied one of the clerks.
'I'm an orator. said the stranger.
"Pm doin' big Fourth of July bust
ness this year, and I want to mako a
contract to advertise your paper.''
II reckon not" replied the clerk.
eve don't cate for that sort Of. thing"
''Do you up in six speeches for sixty
dollars. Ring you in three times Just
before applause in each speech for sew
enty-fve, or have you followed by pro-
longed enthusiasm for hundred iand
fifty. I've got two clothing stores and
a barber shop, and if can get you and
patent medicine, I'm big winner on
the day. Make it hundred for pro-
(onged applause and I'll throw in an
uproarious laughter. Conner
II don't see how you're going to do
it," suggested the mystified clerk.
Easy as grease! I would say, And
now, fellow citizens, the very tree that
George Washington Skinned in escap-
ing from the carnage of Fort Greene
throws q shadow on tho celebrated
clothing house of Blobbs, Dobbs
Brothers & Co., while the peaceful
razor of Simon Stern flashes where
flashed the brutal bayonets of the hire
ling Hessian, and the gore of that
frightful field has blended its colors in
the ready made suits for cash of Single
& Sing, wholesale and retail, while
Pops Stomach Bitters assuage the grief
of mourning generation, and the
Brooklyn Eagle sings the proud squawk
of freedom for the millions who-and
there Tn going to ring in some sewing
machine company, OF a first class hotel,
if I can get the order.'
Couldn't you say more about the
Eagle for the money!" asked the clerk
with an eye single to business.
''How much do you expect? demand
ed the orator, Indignantly.
'You might get in tho subscription
price and the advertising rates, with
brief description of the editorial policy
and our facilities for getting news, be-
sides schedule of our nrices for Job
work, and the advantages medium. III
furnish you with a list of stockholders
and the names of the employees, and
you might examine the files for any
thing else you'd like to throw in.''
Couldn't do it for that money!" re-
sponded the orator, making hurried
calculation on the margin Of the Fourth
Edition; lat least, I couldn't promise
it on prolonged applause, or uproari-
GUS laughter, or even laughter, or even
enthusiasm. I might run it through
the speech, or could give part of it in
one speech and part in another?''
Don't think we can trade, them"
said the clerk, with disappointed air.
"You wouldn't care to have 1t slipped
in with burst Of eloquence on Dust &
Sliver's coal and wood yarde I'll tell
you what I'll do. Come, now. I'll
put it in with couple Of seaside re-
sorts and fish stand, for a hundred"
won't d." said the clerk, positive
". 1T must 20 in all alone and must
have applause after the advertising
rates and widest enthusiasm after tho
job Office"
''Then it's off, sighed the orator.
Il can't make those terms with tho
committees. DO you know anything
about this restaurant belowp Think I
could get 'em for ten or twenty?'
II reckon, if you take it out in trade"
'Good enoughr' cried the orator,
Frightening up. ''That's better than no
speech. Much obliged, odd man! So.long!
Verify are wo nation of advertisers,
Brooklyn Eagle.