Connecticut western news., 1881-07-27
THE LIME.KILN CLUB.
A Sick MemberThe Amende Hon.
 orable, etc.
From the Det roit Free Press1.


 ward him financial aid and relief. He had not seen the patient, but made the report on the authority of the members wife.
 In order to relieve any terrible anx- iety dat may possess de sixty-four bu- sums befo' me I will 'splain dis case of Brudder Smith's," said the President. "ha got leetle windfall from Canada de odder day-about $25 in cash-an' de fust move he made was to invest sheer of it in cokernuts, peanuts, ice cream, watermellyons, popcorn balls, tafy an lemons. De family den sot down to feast, an gorge an stuff an fill up. When I met Moscow de odder day he had banana in one han, 8 piece of mellyon in de odder, wid lot of raisins in his hind pocket an his jaws war workin' 15O strokes to de mint. He won't git no relief from dis club. If any of you happen aroun' dat way you might recommend mustard plaster wid stick in it, but doan' go outer your way. A man who has swallered seven shingle nails an a brass ring on bet of ten cents can't be kept in bed wid anythin' less'n smallpox"
 THE AMENDE HONORABLE.
 Giveadam Jones here secured the floor and stated that he desired to render jus tice to an innocent man who had been dwelling under cloud of suspicion for the past week. It had been hinted around that the Hon. Burdock Cante- 1 lope, acting as janitor during the ab- sence of Samuel Shin at Long Branch, had embedded large sum of money. His account, as handed to the Secretary for approval, read as follows: 1 qut oil 10 1 tup:::::::::::::::::::::::::: tup ta%p wick: 'eh::: ] Total al.................... 1881. .16 It appeared from the above that the Hon. Cantelope had used up $l, 881 for which he could render no account, and the Committee on Finance were ordered to investigate and empowered to send for persons and papers. After a long wrestle with the mystery it was discov- cred that the Janitor had added the year to his expense account and thus made l himself seeming embezzler. The in- vestigation had cleared his character as | white as bleached cotton at fifteen C., ts yard, and the Finance Committee had given him a vote of confidence. BENDER NEUTRAL"
 I has received a letter from the in- terior ob de State,'' said the President, as he adjusted his spectacles, "axin' what part dis Llme-K Kiln Club will take in de comin' Emansipa hun Proclama- shun celebration, to be held heah in a few weeks. 'spect dat we shall take 8 kinder neutral posishun. If de cullud folkses of Michigan, or any part dar of, feel dat de anniversary of dat occashun calls fur splurge, let 'em splurge. As fur me, reckon dat de black man who chaws up chickens on Thanksgivin' hangs up his stockin' on Christmas, gorges himself on New Years, parades on Washington's birthday, feels bad on Decoration Day, an busts the glory out ob dis kentry on Fo'th of July, has bout all de business on han he kin manage on an income ranging from $3 to $7 per week. We will lend lem oul flag an water pail, an keep Paradise
 Hall open all day fur de weary, but dey needn't look fur anything furder."
 IS IT GAMBLING?
 The Committee on Agricultural Re
 sources announced that it had investi gated the query: "Is buying futures
 in wheat gambling?" and were ready tt report.
 "De committee sot down in de shad, of big wheat elevator an gin de sub jeck car'ful curycombin from all stan
 pints. If Giveadam Jones bets Way
 down Bebee dollar dat sartin anima
 up tree am coon, an it turns out t. l be a woodchuck, am dat gambling? 5 Samuel shin bets dat de Common Coun Gil will act like gentlemen at 8 sartil F session fo' weeks ahead, an he loses g am dat gambling?" If Trustee Pull . back bets two shillin' wid Pickles Smitl s dat when he gifts home de old woma . will be singin' Whose Nigger bab l am you Toteing,' an he diskivers da t she am dead gone on Daddy Steven ] Rode a mule, am dat gambling If t hold to de opinyun dat wheat will be t dollar 8 bushel in December, an d l Rev. Penstock cutely imagines dat s will be worf ten shillin's, dats simply , difference of opinyun. If | agree t = deliber him 1000 bushels an whea V goes down to 95 cents, I'm ahead. s she goes up to $1.30, I'm stuck. W 8 each had our judgment, an de man wi e the poorest judgment am gwine to b d left. When you marry 8 woman 70 d runs yer chances. When you buys !. hoss he may make trotter or he ma d fall dead lame. When you take de kl' :, cred ky ars for Toledo you may git ds @ or you may be left in de ditch. D t committee am darfo' assured dat dealil
 in wheat am simply takin' de chances
 but at de same time we feel leetle b q sorry fur de 'woodchucks' who buy o V fall an see de market climb to de to :. of de pole.
 q THE WEATHER. ), The report was accepted and file' D and the Chairman of the Weather Bl ,. reau reported the following probabil a ties for the coming week
 ,- Sunday-Purty hot.
 tt Monday-Purty hotter.
 s Tuesday-No more signs of sno y than yesterday.