Daily Republican., 1881-07-21
MIKTH FOK TIE DOG DAYS,
Latest alleged HumOr from News.
Paper Clowns.


Latest Alleged HamOr from News
Paper Clowns.
r Just WHERE HE HAD EN-.
Y Half IN hour before the departure o
y a lake steamer from her wharf the 0the
i day the captain was approached by ;
?. stranger, who had been inspecting tn,
beat FROM the dock for the last ten min
y utes. Introducing himself as n would
% be passenger, he asked
!. Captain, is this boat provided with
i life ureservers:.
"She is"
sAre they all right?'
'"rhey are.
|. "Can your crew launch life-boat??''
t 'They can"
{ SIS your lite raft all right?"
'It is"
"Will your engineer stand to his post
, in case OF disaster"
: ''He will"
: "Do you call yourself cool and
collected man in the presence of dan
ger?"
81 do"
"Do you know exactly what you
would do in cast Of u terrible gale or IA
fire."
81 do"
"Can the mate be depended upon to
second all your etforts?"'
"He can"
"And will your crew stand by and
obey your
"They will"
Are your green and red lights all
right"
They are"
MACHINERY in order"
"lt is"
Going to overload the boat"
"No sir
''Expect to doany racing?"
| mo, sir.
"Is she fixed to blow of at forty-six
pounds"
| "She is.
"Donkey nr,;ne IL good working or
der"
at is"
The stranger heaved d deep sigh and
was walking away when the captain
asked If ms baggage was aboard.
"No, and | guess will 90 aioot."
was The reply. Every boat that has
burned up or gone down ior the last |
i've years had every thing in the incest
kind ut order. and I'll either look for a
craft King SIN feet OF water IN hour
or run Ne risk of going through rail
road buaGt. Coed by, captain-l shall
look IN the daiIi,s AL tuls week to see
i" hu If your pasScL gers were saved"
WHAT ALLIED JONES
Brown aud Jones used to be friends
real good lriends-hnt there is ID chasm
between ,hrm now. Jones didn't know
OF II nnul Brown had passed him sever
al times without Saluti"g, and then he
dttcrlnUir'l Ia know wat was wrong
H.. ting him on tie street, he hegan:
'.rr hr!c, Brown, what's come over
you AL "l Il sudden"
"Su." replied Brown, with freezing
III nifty, rs he drew himself up an extra
inch.
"Nhat hay" said or done to break
var iri"ui,hlp'"
'hr. Jones, sou are not the sort OF
ma" ! Sl,rposcd you to be-, answered
Brown.
"ln what respect
sir, you were delegate TO our Coun-
IS onNention.' y,
"les, ! was.
'FUr the past seven years you have !
TO be my friend, politically !,
md othcrwise.'
so hav.,"
900 you remember, sir, of our hav- u
ng Il talk about a week before tie Con
,rntion? DO you remember that said 7
that isl hintc,i--that is a
Oh, yes, You said perhaps you could >
)" induced to accept the nomination of !
}ountv Treasurer. " Il
'ics, Nr said that was in the IL
landS OF my trsends.'
Il remember it now II
"And | didn't get a vote, sr-not +
ven mplimentary vote' IL
mo, | guess you didn't and now you 81
lame me for it. Alas. Brown, how p
ltt!e yon know about oar local politics ~
' hv, sir, every man who attended ~ l!
'arl caucus over three times knows 81 81
Nat wnen a candidate puts himself in 81
h' hands of his friends they ut once :"
Iocerd 10 hold ii funeral and burg the 10
main, ten feet deep !" n.
,lrhu made u motion as if to shake III
andS and forgive all, but suddenly sc
banged his mind and walked on, care 4
'IIy placing each heel with thud and "
'crlnS his spinal column as stiff as IA u
Jkcr. c'
ny he WAS IN THE PENITENTIARI. on
An mp )rtanL case was tried before the on
Court of the District of Colum- eS
ia. An Old colorrd man was on the pc
illness stand. The District ATTORNEY q,
lterroga,td the witness: ne
"W hat is your name?'
"John Williams" III
Are you ia" John Williams who
as sent to the Albany Penitcntiarv G.
n larceny" III
"No, sah--not this Johno' ia
Are you The John Williams VIII, tic
as convicted Of arson, aud sent to the Gu
altimorr Penitentiary.'' III
'No, sab" SCI
Tired OF asking truitless questions, the So
lstrict Attorney suddenly put lead on
4 one. me
"IIave you ever been in the peniten. DE
,ry?' ed
"Yes, sah." wi
All eyes were now turned upon the the
tncSs. The district Attorney smiled wi
and resumed: abb
How many times have you been in Mr.
G penitentiary"" len
Twice, sah." TAX
Hhere?" ed
'In Baltimore, Sah.' mil
How long were you there the first mil
ne?' age
About two hours, sah" Cri
How long the second time?" asked sist
attorney. fail