Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-01-21
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Gloomily the merchant sat looking over |
the books and through the few remaining
papers in the same, the morning after the
junior partner had got away to South
America with alacrity and $4,000 of the
firms money. A consoling friend says to
the merchant ''Ah, well, you IL work out
all right. There's no great loss without
some gain ''True," sighed the man of
trade, with bright light dawning in his
face, "true, my wife went with him.
These days no one is safe from the
charge of plagiarism. Brown went to
church last Sunday-a thing unusual-and
upon being asked his opinion of the cler-
gyman, said: ''Oh, his sermon was very
good; but that prayer beginning with Our
Father think he stole entire. know I
have heard something somewhere that it
was strangely like
''Yes." said Michaelangelo Brown. his
eyes beaming with loving pride upon his
latest creation. 1.-THE Pensive Poetess'-
Eyes, I draw all my figures from the llfe."
$'Do you, my boy?" blurted out Jones;
''but who the deuce is it that draws the
life from your figures. you know"
When country editor, who is strug
Cling along and trying to raise large fam
lily and build up town on an income of
five hundred dollars year, discovers that
a baseball pitcher hauIs in four thousand
dollars for the season, it makes him sit
down on r0lIer-box and think.
II can't go to the party tonight" said
Jones; 1.-THE truth is. my shirt is in the
wash ''Shirt in the wash?'' shrieked
Smith. why, man alive, have you but
one shirt" zone shirt!'' exclaimed Jones
in his turn; 'you wouldn't want a fellow
TO have million shirts, would you?'
A stranger in Galveston asked an old
resident how malarial fever could be dis
tinguished from yellow fever. "As gen.
eral thing" was the reply, ''you can't tell
until you have tried it. II you amt alive
then it is most likely yellow fever
'How far is it to Club Creek?'' asked
traveller of a dutch woman. "Only shoost
leetle Ways" ''Is it four, six, eight OF
ten miles?" impatiently asked the strang-
er. Eyes, dink it ISL serenely replied
the umoved gatekeeper.
A young lady showing an elderly woman
a beautiful cluster diamond ring, a pres
ent, when the old lady dropped her spec
ticles to the end of her nose, and exclaim-
ed, "Lor' sakes, 1 thought it was an old
seed Wart."
There are great many skillful engineers
on our railways, but we never knew one
yet who could kick his train around
curve with the grace and success with
which frst-class actress can perform the
operation.
The present plan adopted by churches
of making contributions by envelopes ena-
bles man to drop two old-fashioned cart
wheel copper cents in with as much style
and, dourieh as if they were trade dollars
at par.
Cruelty to any living creature shows
bad heart. The boy who delights in tor
turing d wasp with pin will surely come
to some bad end if the wasp has fair
show in its business movements.
An enamored youth. who tried to get
lock of his girls hair was rather surprised
to find that the dull scissors carried off the
-'huil'' affair, leaving Belinda's head as
bare as peeled turnip.
Jinkins is man who takes things HUI
morously. When his best friend was
blown into the air by a ''bustin' piler,''
Jinkins cried after him; ''There goes my
es-ste0iaed friend.'
The ruralist who planted an orchard of
plum trees, because he heard that plumbers
always get rich, says everything is delu-
sion and snare, and he wouldn't take
gold dollar for over 80 cents.
tom, where can get good two foot
ruler" 81 can give you one on the spot,
John.'' "Well, let's have it," "Don't
wear tight shoes That rule applies to
both feet.''
"We can't ali Of US be great,'' remarked
seedy philosopher. ''Some of us have
got to run peanut stand, orschlldren
would grow up comparatively ignorant of
luxuries."
An Irishman, seeing a vessel heavily
laden and scarcely above the waters edge.
exclaimed: Upon my soul, if the river
was but little higher, the ship would 60
to the bottom"
Some enthusiastic fashion writer pre-
diets revolution in underwear. Well,
change in such things is necessary once in
q while.
Now, by Jove, we've got it! We're 60
ing to reform this theatre nuisance. An
nouncement: A big hat makes woman
look twenty years older than she is. There!
Some Indians use scalping knives of
tortcise-shell, probably, on account of the
old fable, in which the tortoise was al
Legged to have got away with the hair.
A Philadelphia man who discovered a |
piece of bark in his sausage. visited the
butchers shop to know what had become |
of the rest of the dog.
That was clever boy who said that he |
liked good, rainy day, ''too rainy to go
to school, and just rainy enough to 90
fishing"
Never does man believe so strongly in
81 ;{o{ 4
sits down on a chair and finds it gone.
If YOU would be wealthy get upon
mule. You will soon find that you are
,etter off,