Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1881-03-17
III ORR LIARS.
How One of the PreyaricatOrs was
ect to the Presidency,


Elected to the Presidency.
At q regular annual roundup of the
Rocky Mountain Division of the Indepen-
dent Order of Forty Liars ON Sat
urday evening, the Most Noble Prevarica-
tor announced that after the report of the
Custodian of Campaign Lies for the past
year, and Most Noble Beer Tanker had
been handed in and passed upon, the next
business to come before the Division would
be the nomination and election of a Most
Noble Prevaricator to serve during the
year 1881.
After singing the opening ode, accom-
panied by the Tyre, the usual order of bust
ness having been attended to, the adj
dresses Of aspirants for the Office of the NJ.
N. P. of the Rocky Mountain Division
we're called for.
The last speaker was Brother Jedediah
Holcomb, who thus addressed the assem-
blage:
"Most Noble Prevaricator of the Rocky
Mountain Division of Forty Liars and
Brethren Of the Order:
MANY years ago, when l was a mere
STRIPPING, as it were, and just upon the
verge of manhood, so to speak, l was sit
ting on the green grass south Of Chicago,
near where the Drexel Boulevard comes in
to South Park, thinking of my hard luck
and wishing that my future would be more
prosperous than my past.
81 had not long to wait, for very soon
there hove in sight a very singular specta-
Gle. First came a large Illinois hog at the
head OF a large column of Illinois hogs,
all marching Indian fashion, and grunting
with that gentle, placid grunt which the
hog carries with him. On closer examine
ton into the singular phenomenon, / saw
that all the hogs, except the leader, were
blind, each animal having his predeces-
sor's tail in his mouth throughout the long
line, consisting of 1881 unfortunate,
sightless hogs, c%heerfully following their
leader towards water. / was never so
struck with the wonderful instinct of the
brute creation in my life, and my eyes
filled with tears when / saw the child-like
faith and confidence Of each blind animal,
following with implicit trust the more for
tunste guide. Soon, however, a great,
dazzling, three-cornered idea worked its
way into my intellect. Dashing away my
idle tears, l drew my revolver and shot off
the leaders tail, leaving the long line OF
disconnected. and aimless hogs in the mid
die Of a broad prairie, with no guide but
the dephlogisticated tail Of a hog, who was
then three quarters of a mile away. Then
1 stole up ana, taxing the cory tail In my
hand, l led the trusting phalanx down to
the stock-yards and sold the outfit for
eight cents live weight. This was the start
of my dazzling career as a capitalist, a ca
reer to which l now point with pride.
Thus, from a poor boy with one suspender
and a sore toe, / have risen TO be one OF
our leading business men, known and re-
spected by all, and by industry and econo-
my and borrowing my chewing tobacco, I
have come to be one Of our solid men,"
When Brother Holcomb ceased to speak
there was a painful silence OF perhaps five
minutes, and then Brother Woodtick Will
liams moved that the rules be suspended
and Brother Holcomb declared the unani-
nous choice Of the Order for Most Noble
Prevaricator, to serve till 1882.-Free Press.
The best ''bit" cigars in town are the
"Owl," ''Trariata" any Pumariega, for
sale at the P. o. Cigar Stand. n