davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17
HumoRs OF THE DAT.

A WHISKY skn-a tramp.
A TOWN pump-the village bore.
A GO as you please race-Indians.
A SHOOTING star-a murderous actor.
MEAT and drink-what journalists do
A HARE-BRUsH-a race between the
rabbit.
CHINESE music may be celestial but
not heavenly.
IT is sad but true that a man who once
becomes deaf seldom enjoys q happy
hear-after.
AwE1n-DREssEp buckwheat cake wears
afap-jack-et, cut by us daily, with syrup
trimmings.
IT is a difficult thing for O dog without
a tail to show his master how much he
thinks of him.
"ADzEcrIY," exclaimed the carpenter,
as he cut a slice out of his foot while
hewing a log.
The maiden who adorns the knee of
her lover while the gas is turned down is
''born to blush unseen"
THE San Francisco Chronicle men,
tions a dam nearly two miles long. The
fellow must have stammered.
SAonauSo oayc. LIS only hAlu
of cake children don't cry after is a cake
OF SOAP" How about stoma cake?
AN Indian brave in Montana, who was
convicted of murder, thus eulogized his
lawyer: 'Too much talk; heap fool"
LIZ you should happen to need q wheel
barrow soon, and haven't any, just call
around and wheelbarrow one for you.
THERE is a young lady in this city
so modest that she covers the legs of the
chairs in her Observation-Disclosures
Sun
WHEN does a lock get ripe enough to
pick.-LoDeH Citizen. In the spring.
Give us a harder one.-Boston Tran
script.
A WOMAN may be said to have u n
dressed kids ON their hands when she is
putting twin babies in bath.-Boston
Courier.
PASSING around the hat is one way Of
getting the cents of the meeting.-Cin-
cinnati Saturday Night. But it is q
dollarous way.
(WHICH we wish to remark" as the
shipper said when he requested the re-
turn of goods which were addressed to
the wrong party.
SPEAK to me love, only speak" he moaned,
As he tore his golden hair,
IN speak to you, villain" her parent groaned,
And he swept him up with . chair.
-Reokuk Gate City.
A NEW fashion is coming about which
will allow ladies to wear imitation pearls,
and make it appear that they have
grown weary of common diamonds
NeW Orleans Picayune.
WHATS your tastep" asked a Boston
house painter of a customer. 81 cal
give you harmony in green and white
or a symphony in lavender and brown
or a nocturne in yellow and blue"
The defeated candidate is like the oil,
bachelor who says he once fell in Low
with a beautiful young lady, but aban
doned all idea of marrying her when h
found that she and all her folks were OBJ
posed to the match.
OYSTERS that are slightly frozen vii
make a tame stew.-NeW York Herald
Who wants a tame stew? Let 'em com
on in all their native savagery. We ar
not afraid of the widest oyster that eve
roamed his native forest.-Boston Com
naerciQL Bulletin.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17
One Hundred andTwenty Miles a Second.

When speaking of the spots on the sun,
in his lecture, Professor Rees stated that
many of them were noticed to revolye
with great velocity, some at the rate of
100 miles per second. These rotations
r explained blythe facts that there are
on the surface of the sun cyclones which
drift along those large masses of volcanic
matter at al indescribable swift rate. It
must be remembered that the smallest
n of the spots would be covered only
by about eighteen earths. When speak
ing of solar cyclones we must not imag-
inc that they are like the ones we have
here on earth. Should a solar cyclone
strike the United States, in thirty sec
onds all the country between New York
and San Franciscowould be floating away
into space in the shape of a vaporous
cloud. The terrible friction wouldignite
everything. One of our cyclones may
traverse 90 or 100 miles in an hour, but
a solar cyclone at the rate of 100 miles in
a second would do infinitely more dam
age than one hundred cyclones could do.
st. Louis Republican.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17
The Tidy Housewife.

Thu careful, tidy housewife, when she is Civ
ing her house its spring cleaning, should bear
in mind that the dear inmates of her house are
more precious than houses, and that their sys-
TENS need cleansing by purifying the blood,
regulating the stomach and bowels to prevent
and cure the diseases arising from spring mala-
ria and miasma, and she shouldk know that there
is nothing that willdo it so perfectly and surely
as Hop Bitters, the purest and best of all medi-
cines. See other column.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17
A Tunnel Through Gray,s Peak.

"The grandost mining enterprise ever
projected in Colorado" is to cut q tunnel
at an altitude of 10, OOOfeet "clear through
the backbone of the American continent,
you would punch a hole through a
potato" The Leadville paper which
thus begins to tell about the project adds:
"The high range of mountains over
which the cold, barren apex of Gray's
Peak stands in its massive majesty is the
backbone of the American continent.
The Atlantic Pacific tunnel will cut clear
through this range, a distance of over
26, 600 feet, about 4 SO miles, all the
way crossing heavy veins of silver ore,
cutting them at right angles"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17
WnrklnRman.

Before you begin your heavy spring work
after a winter of relaxation, your system needs
cleansing and Strengthening to prevent an at
tack of Ague, Bilious or Spring Fever, or some
seasons work. You will save time, much sick
ness and great expense if you will use one bottle
of Hop Bitters IN your family this month.
Don't wait. Bee other column.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17
Adulterations OF Food.

The liberty guaranteed by this great
Republic is a fine subjectf for q Fourth of
July Grafton, but when that liberty
licenses fraud, and permits imposition
on the people, alike injurious to health
and dangerous to life, it reaches the
precincts of abuse, and should receive a
prompt and vigorous check. Peoria
Eree2nln.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

WE do not often speak of any proprietary
heard of Aliens Lung BaIsam, We shall take
the liberty of saying to those who are troubled
with @ Cold, Cough, or any Throat or Lung AZ
lection, that from the testimony afforded, we
have such confidence in this article, that were
we afflicted in that way, We would make a trial
of its virtues. Beware of the fatal consequent
ces Of neglecting this timely warning. Now,
before it is too late, use Aliens Lung Balsam,
which will cure the disease. Every druggist in
the land sells If
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17
A DISTINGUISHED looking man appeared

A DISTINGUISHED looking nan appeared
in a California town, and, falling Ill,
could not tell his wants in English.
Several Germans visited him, and he
talked to them, asking one of them to
write his will, in which he described
himself as Count Carl Won Schiller, and
gave to each of his b~enefactors from TO-
900 to 10, 000ducats. Renewed attentions
We're paid to him; but now he is in
ioi1
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

UPoN being spoken to concerning st.
Jacobs Oil, our fellow townsman, Mr..
Theodore Wakelee, said: I had been
suffering with rheumatism, and obtained
the greatest relief from the use of st.
Jacobs Oil. It has also been used in my
family for some time, and has never
been found to fail in giving prompt re-
lief.-Battle Creek (Mieh.) Daily Jour
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17
A Remarkably democratic suicide.

Hugo Grundei, a young Viennese shop
man, being without employment, heavily
in debt, and absolutely impecunious,
made up his mind to enjoy one hearty
meal and then to quit the world. He
therefore betook himself to Zogernitz's
restaurant, in the S~hottengasse, and Or
dered a sumptuous repast. He spent
nearly two hours at the table, during
which time he consumed a golasch with
dumplings, a dishful of stewed kidneys,
q huge black pudding, an entire portion
of praised beef, four small ~loaves, a quart
of lager beer, and three pints of claret.
When he had finished this meal, he care
fully folded up his napkin, laid it on the
table beside his empty plate, drew a re-
volver out of his breast pocket, and, set
ting the muzzle of the weapon against
his left breast, shot himself through the
6oopt
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

For dyspepsia, indigestion, depression of
spirits and general debility in their various
forms, also as a preventive against fever and
ague and other intermittent feyers, the FERRo
PHospHoRATED ELIXIR OF CALIsAYA BARK,
made by Caswell, Hazard & Co., New York, and
sold by all druggists, is the best tonic; and for
patients recovering from fever or other sick
ness it has no equal.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

THE new rules for playing baseball
remove the pitcher five feet further from
the batter. This is not to prevent the
pitcher from getting "broke up" but
for the sole and only purpose of allow
ing the batter to spread to better
advantage.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

WHEN certain powers are claimed for
an article, and everybody t~estiies that it
does more than is claimed for it, to gain
say its worth is useless. This is the sub
stance of the st. Jacobs Oil record
South Bend Evening Reqister.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

MORE than 800, 600 acres of land have
been reclaimed from the water in Hol-
land since the beginning of the sixteenth
century, and the work still goes on at
the rate of about eight acres per day.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

HApP1NEss and prosperity are so indissolubly
linked with good health, that all those suffering
with Hoarseness, Coughs, Colds, ETC., should
try DIR. Bulls Cough Syrup and be cured.
Price 25 cents.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

AN Iowa clergyman regulates his mar
rage fees by weight, the rate being four
cents a pound for the groom and two for
the bride.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

ONLY the genuine axle grease has the name
of Frazer on every package, and wears longer
than any other.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

THE wise ones say there is nothing so
hard to bear as prosperity; but most
men would like to engage in some hard
work of that description just to have a
practical illustration Of the adage.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

AN electric railway experiment is pro-
posed for Paris.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

GAMBLING has been and still is very
greatly ON the increase in London. Two
new baccarat clubs have been formed,
where individual losses have been counted
by thousands-in one case by fifteen
thousand-and the prohibited game has
found its way into clubs where by the
rules it is prohibited. Difficulties about
the settlement of accounts have already
resulted from this, and if it continues,
lots of scandals similar to the Paget one
may be expected.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17
Rheumatism, Neuralgia.

No other preparation has cured so many cases Of these
distressing complaints as Ponds Extract.
Ponds Extract Plaster Us eents)is invalua-
Bile IN these diseases, Lumbago, Pains in Back OF Side,
etc. Pond's Extract Ointment go centsl,
for use when removal of clothing is inconyenient, is .
great help in relieving infammatory cases. Sold by all
Hr,ou;.tu
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-02-17

OhChCO Z dShCu IOua.
Poor fellow ! he was in such a sore
strait that he could not help a desire to
have some small help from his cousins
hoard. He hardly dare hope she had
left him a cent, and yet he was her only
relative.
"That remains to be seen," was the
unsatisfactory reply he received to his
question. "But don't you cherish no
hopes, for 1 amt left you a cent"
A bitter smile curled Toms lips, but
he made no reply.
"I suppose you think me peculiar in
not leavin' you my money, SEEM you
are the only kin I've got" went on Miss
Silence. "but you've taken such pre-
c1ous care to convince me that you don't
want it, that I've believed you and acted
accordin'."
Tom went home and repeated the con-
versation to Prissy, who shed a few tears,
but tried to cheer her husbands droop-
ing spirits with hopes of more law bust
ness in the spring.
That night Miss Silence died, and the
whole town turned out to her funeral a
few days later.
81 expect Wolfboro Academy will find
itself able to erect a new building when
Miss Silence's will is read" said old Mr..
Craig. "She's told me she'd consider
the matter, and I know she was i'm
pressed with my arguments"
st rather think you are mistaken, ~
said Squire Darby, "for I feel morally
certain she has left her money to found
a library"
The minister, who stood near, smiled
to himself. He had not the slightest
doubt that the debt which hung over his
church like a pail would now be lifted
through Miss Silence's will.
Tom did not want to go to the reading
of the important document, but Prissy
insisted, so they vent together, though
neither of them looked very cheerful.
MI. Simons made no objection to the
presence of Squire Darby. Mr.. Craig
and the minister chuckled as Deacon
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1881-12-31
Our County Jail and Aims House.

Mr.. G.. 5. Griffith President OF the Mary
recently inspected number of the jails
and Aims Houses in the State, says OF hose
in Cecil county:
visited the Jail at Elkton, December sth
and found eleven prisoners, including two
women, one partially insane. The other
WAS incarcerafed for petty larceny, and has
with her a little child only tonr years Of
age. Two of the prisoners We're in Jail for
violating the Local Option law. The others
Were there mostly for lbetty offences. One
of the male prisoners is partially insane,
but VIGOROUSLY bad, and has been confined
here for about ten wears. At one time they
sent him to an institution for ! ne insane,
but he ran away, and they are compelled to
keep him in the Jail for safety, is they are
afraid 10 give him his liberty. The sanitary
condition of this jail was good, the cells
clean and neat; still, there the same great
fault l have 50 often spoken of in the con-
Struction of some of our county j til'. The
cells or both stories of the huilling face
ticii other and upen into one common cor
ridor. Although. this is, mIrlratiyelv, II
new and expensive Jail. yet in This respect
it is Il failure. The inmates, horh male and
female, are let ON of their cells III ine.
morning and permitted To mingie t"gefh her
| until evening. Every Jail should he SO r"u-
| >trncftd that these departments would bt
entirely separate, allowing no intercourse
between the sexes. | spoke /" Mr.. Dunbar,
! the Sheriff, aud to the Deputy Sheriff, who
! have Just entered rpun the duties Of their
| offices, of the Immoral results which would
! arise from allowing such mist eli.lneou, in
| tcrmingling, and suggested that the prison
, erS should rot be permitted tn exercise III
| the corridor or yard at the same time. The
! cells are large aud we'll ventilated. and
| closer confinement could not prove iniur-
! iuus to their health, and they should br
| kept more of the time in their cells. Mr..
| John Perkins gives special attention to the
spiritual interests of the inmates, aud hold
religious exercises there every Sunday
| oar Association furnishes The institution
with Bibles, Gospel hymn hooks, and other
| good reading matter.
The AlmS House is beautifully situated
| on Il farm of one hundred and S.-venfy-tivt
acres, about four miles from IIkton, and
overluoks "A fine district of country. 1t l.
under the charge Of Mr.. Pluck aud wife,
| who have been there for many years.
found sixty inmates, fnrty-three white and
seventeen coored. lively. III fifteen of thi,
number were weak minded or insane.
! examined the institution in company viii.
| Mr.. Perkins, and found everything clean
and neat. The sanitary arrangements w"rt
| good. The cost OF maintaining this iu>titu
| lion is s., 500 per inGum, which aluuuut i'll
rludeS The sale of the farm products. Til,
poor of Cecil county are we'll cared for.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1881-12-31
How to Shake Hands.

There are only two or three people now liv
in. who can successfully shake hands
There is a good deal of hand shaking done
through the country, especially at This
season of the year, hut only Il very small
per cent, of the shakers know how to
do il 80 as to get the entire amount of
exhilaratiun out III it. Some grab the
hand of an adversary III a quick, nervous
manner that ScartS the victim nearly to
death, while others slide the cold and
clnnmy paw at you 50 that you feel the
same as when you drop a cold raw oyster,
with vinegar on it, down your back II
You are shaking hands with Il lady incline
the head forward with Il soft and graceful,
vet half timid movement, like a hoy climb,
Ing Il barbrd wire fence with Il fifty pound
watermelon. Look gently in her eyes Will
Il kind OF pleading smile, say something
! that You have heard some else say on
similar occasions, and in the meantime
| Sh Ike her hand i'll Il Suhaued Vet vigorous
" ~, not rs though Won weretryingto make
a mash by pulverizing her fingers, nor yet
! in too conservative :. manner. allowing hel
! hand 10 fall wirli >ickruing rhud when
! Won let 70. Care should h" IL ken also moi
| hang On IL the hand more than half an
| Ii ,ur in public, as bys1anders might make
remarks. This is now considered quite
! ouTrr.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1881-12-31
Christmas a. the Churches.

As the Sabbath and Christmas day We're
one this year, the churcnes were more than
usually The centre of attraction. The Gus
tom of alorning the house of worship upon
this anniversary is now practiced by nearly
all denominations, each vieing with the
other in making the church pretty and at
tractive even the staid Presbyterian now
approving of 4 few boquetS, and sprig of
holly or other evergreen upon the altar.
The usual early morning service was not
held at the n. L. church, this year. To
what cause this omission is attributed we
are not aware. \ number Of persons re-
paired to the church at six o'clock upon
that morning bat It's he house was closed,
they We're compelled to return home, or Iii
rect their steps 10 Trinity =. f.. church
where services was held. The main audi
ence rooms OF both these churches We're
tastefnlly hung with evergreen and flowers
80 Trinity " being very handsomely array
ed. The altar and chancel presented Il very
attractive show Of characterization, and the
main aisle was spannetl by three very ele-
CANT arches Of flowers and evergreen. the
whole giving the room very striking and
attractive appearance. The usual Christmas
/. service was held here, the Rector, Rev. Mr..
Srhouler officiating. The music was very
tine.
AT the Methodist church the ornamental
ton was not pnite so elaborate, Yet nj the
same time il was VERY pretty. AbayG the
pulpit was suspended "A flower star of arts
Tie workmanship, and in large and elegantly
formed letters upon the front OF the pulpit
desk appeared the word " Emmanuel. *
God with u.s.. To the left of this was "A
floral device bearing the word Jesus " in
tastefully bende,, colors, and around the
altar and pulpit arch We're hung evergreenS,
hn0uets, growing plants, &c. The morning
service of song was by the Sabbath school,
the music being very fine. The pastor Rev.
Mr.. Avery, preached an appropriate sermon.
The services at the Presbyterian, Free
Methodist and Catholic churches were ap
propriate to the occasion: the latter church
also being very nicely decorated.
At the NJ. +. church a cnlection-a thing
common TO Me1hot,ism-was taken for the
benefit of the WORKOUT preachers fund, and
about fifty dollars realized. The attendance
at ihe various services at all the churches
was good: i'll fact large audiences We're
present at all the services, the public incll-
milton seeming more in that direct ion than
usual
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1881-12-31
A Mill Burned

The oxford Press says: The min Of Geo.
Richardson, in the occupancy of William
I McCrery, on North f:t>t Creek, Cecil COM
ty, near the PennsN lvania line, was de
stroyed by fire, ON Tuesday n:+ht of last
week. The fire was discovered about one
o'clock, but it had made such Roadway
thar all efforts TO cheek il We're futile. Mr..
McCrery had his hands severely burned
while saving his books from the ilames.-
The loss is quite heavy on him and The
owner of the mill. The origin of the fire is
unknown. The saw mill had been run till
six o'clock HE evening before, but The -four
mill had stopped running at two o'clock n
the afternoon The buildings. which were
valued ~ bout 5000, were insured BIZ The
owner, who resides in Wilmington. The
loss Of Mr.. McCrery is several hundred dol
lars anil the farmers of the vicinity were
losers to the amount of grain they had in
the mill.
The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1881-12-31
Port Deposit NJ. E. Sabbath School.

Among the Christmas festivities Of the
past week, probably none surpassed in ra-
tioaal enjoyment and genuine good cheer
the exercises of the Sunday school of Tome
Memorial NJ f. Church of Port Deposit.
y programme of appropriate exercises was
prepared especially for the occasion, en-
bracing the first promise made that Christ
should come; the prophecies as to His char
actrr, time, and place of birth, tnget
with the prominent events i'll HIS life and
ministry. Questions covering these SUI
-ctS We're distributed among the classes
aud at he proper time each class answered
i'll concert. The infant class gave the gen
rllogy of Jesus ut the opening, which was
exceedingly firing To the service that fol
lowed. The morning service of the church
was given to the school, about three hun
drtd memb erS of which We're present, and
seldom have we seen such decorum, such
genuine hearty singing, and So appropriate
an exercise
The infant class, together with their
friends. We're invited to Il special entertain
mrnt, on Tuesday evening, in the lecture
room Mrs. Cook and Mr.. Reynolds, rs a
committee of arrangements. had enlisted an
efficient corps of ladies', who decorated the
room with the most perfect taste. The ever
greens were arranged in the most elaborate
and beautiful designs, with a background
in pyrandal form. which from base to
apex was covered with good Things for the
little ones This was Surmountcd by :,
star suggestive of the visit of the wise men
to the inf:lnt Saviour, to whom they pre-
scented their gifts. Promptly at the hour
the infant class, about two hundred strong,
entered and occupied seats provided for
their accommodation. After singing and Il
brief address, each was presented with Il
neat box of Il pound size, filled with what
every child nj such times So fully appreci-
lteS May these little ones live to see the
return of many such happy seasons. g