Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1881-01-15
GATHERED WIT.

| Old lady Ito modest Curate)- Lor', sir,
do like to ear you preach extrumpery
Your language is that wonderful fluid -
Punch.
The mortality among theatrical COM
panies continues. 1.-The Tile Club, .
. Deseret and Our Flirtations are now
aided to the death list.
Jerusalem is to have street cars, passen-
ger elevators and telephone exchange.
Jerusalem Somebody ought to start a
theater and dollar store.
The " Baffled Beauty" has taken to
" Drink" That is to say, Rose Eytinge
has, since she left the company playing
the former piece, joined the combination
which acts the latter.
What a relief it is to turn from the
political editorials in exchanges to the
calm, dignifed statements to be found In
the local notices of patent medicines.
There Is no lying in patent medicines. -
milwaukee Sun.
The amusement season opens very auspi-
ciously with an entertainment called a
Calcichrompticon. If the season is good
one we shall hope to see much longer names
than that and harder to pronounce. =
[Rockland Courier.
When Bernhard strikes Cincinnati and
exclaims mon Dieu zis ees so mooch
like Paris, Get seems as eef l was at home, F"
the price OF tickets will be showed up to
S25, and Porkopolitans will revise their
familiarity with profane history.
Naturally enough, the manager who had
Zone Hundred Wives has taken to
Drink . Detroit Free Press And now
he will see :" Goblins," He had better
stuck to g An American Girl and not
fooled with Matrimony" so much.
''If you don't behave yourself I'll lock
you up in the chicken house, said Gal
weston mother to her bad little boy.
You may lock me up in the chicken
house as much as you please, but l won't
lay eggs no, indeed, l won't. . Calves
ton News.
A strikingly handsome st. Louis lady,
ga decided blonde, with rich, light brown
hair, deep blue eyes, pearly complexion,
and an almost faultless mouth, has spent
the last twelve years in looking for per-
feet man. Our address is Titusville.
Petroleum World.
Next to being out of change when the
contribution box comes around at church.
the very worst misfortune that can happen
to young man at the theater is for his
shirt collar to become enthused with a
spirit of migration, and to devote It's entire
attention to the exploration of the back of
his neck.
He pulling up short): 81 say, isn't
that Jack Sparkes and Nelly Sweeting
coming round by the road there p She
(unsuspiciously); 81 think it is, dear. ="
He; Then suppose we take the lane,
en-? It's bit further, bat -(magnani-
mously) Spoons don't care to be inter
rupted, you know" She GQnocently) ::
" Don't they, dear p
1t must he rather trying to be married
to an emotional actress, to have her clutch
ing you by the throat at 3 A. NJ, and
shouting in hoarse stage whisper !:
Slave, didst lock the kitchen door? The
key, where is't? quick I'll streangle
thee Didst lay the milk pitcher on tae
outer battlements? Aye, me good lord,
I'm mad. - New York Commercial
Mr. O'Raferty is sitting in his room
with his mead tied up aud his arm in a
sling, when little boy sticks his head in
and asks Me feyther sint me to inquire
how your eye was coming on this morn
ing?" Tell your feyther to attind a
Galveston ward mating himself, and call
the Chairman liar, and he will fond it
ali out widout skin'.-[Galveston News.