Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24

re anu hauWdN Ready Rellef,
ana said his client should go scot free.
Prisoner at the bar, arise and shake
yourself. Look this court calmly in the
eye, ana II you have any suggestions to
make Tor the Good of the Order. or on
the subject Of experimental philosophy.
the court will listen, and should Won ex-
press an opinion adversely as to the va
ldlty and constitutionality of the Law
involving capital punishment. he will
untold to your astonished gaze the mvs-
FERROUS powers by which your sopbis-
tries will be exploded and your argu-
ments set at naught You have been
tried severely, and in an eminently 81
P0fte manner, as YOU are probably
aware BY 4 jury composed of your as
socrates according to the Rules
OF Evidence and in conformity with the
Law, which principle has been estab-
hshed by preeedents too numerous to
| mention.
You are doomed man, right from
the shoulder. Your counsel has ably
and IN glowing language set forth in ex-
tenuation of the crime your extreme
| youth, your beauty and many accom-
| pllshments, IN manner that to some
would be convincing, but it only serves
to confirm the opinion of this court that
you are too good to live in this commu
nity---you have been indisputably con-
yicted on the evidence, and You are
gone up; SO to speak. Still, in the
capacity OF Judge, | will see to it that
you are impartially served with the best
we We got and all you want of 1t. Par-
haps, in view of the peculiar circurn
stances surrounding the case, shall be
persuaded to temper justice with mercy
| and give you even more than you want.
| Please endeavor at this trying mo-
ment to fully realize that you are in the
tons OF universal law, and that the law
IS after you with blood in its eve. Try
II yor can, and more fully recognize
tiils fact, that in the short space of a
quarter of an hour you will have climbed
the golden stair gone up the spout
as it were, for has it not been proved
by this complainant that YOU are to his
entire satisfaction dead issuep He has
not only spared no labor to procure
your convection, but has staked his all
(Which was only the paltry sum of Sl5)
on the result.
Now, prisoner at bar, do try and ap-
E'NNipAS tAC AdNl tiitib lOI YOU IntIG Is
but one avenue of escape and don't for
get 10 remember that this court is ill-
eol1uptabte as by precedent well estab-
lished. Even were you to " straddle the
blind OF the honorable complainant
this court is of the universal and unbi
ased opinion that he couldn't .'see il. y
Yet stranger things haze happened. A
word to the wise is sufficient
As was about to remark in my usu-
ally convincing style, even you can see
that you are sailed, unless YOU add
little salt petre to the pickle And the
process by which that is mixed in due
proportion (please stick a pin here) is
patented and known only to this court,
and any infringement will be faithfully
prosecuted by any judge who is placed
in my disinterested position.
Having opened your eyes to the terri
bic fate that awaits you, and as fondly
nope toa realizing sense of the only way
OF escape, | shall now proceed in dig
nitied and impartial manner to review
the evidence on which you have been
condemned to a premature death (not
that this court wishes to be understood
as having expressed decided opinion)
but if in the heat of debate we should
Inadvertently let slip private opinion,
that is seemingly, mind / say seemingly,
cut on the bias, please to remember insE
extenuation that any Judge may and |
probably will do the same thing unless |
you show disposition before sentence |
is pronounced to profit by the advice of |
this court heretofore generously rendered |
you with regard to diet OF pickles; and |
the court would here remark en- PEASANT |
that to insure relief the remedy must be |
promptly and literally applied Should |
the Judgment OF this court be adverse 70
should it be) you will have many things |
to console you. You can then get out |
of Lancaster; you can save labor with |
out end rs fuel will be furnished YOU in |
that country over there whittier you are |
inlper reptably drifting; you can have a
rowing commission and imhibe Milwau- |
kee in your peregrinations Perhaps (mind |
now | don't absolutely promise) per-
haps you viii be granted a ticket of |
leave and can return to the scenes of |
earth and resume in the spirit the duties
and emoluments of canyasser' S life, and |
just reflect for a moment on the unlim- |
tied facilities offered in that line to get |
revenge.
If now the thought of death is painful |
to you, language is powerless, and | |
add no more, except to mention Incl
dentally that breaking the neck while |
young and tender is accompanied by |
far less pain than at more advanced |
stage of the proceedings. Can you for a
moment doubt the justice of the disin-
terested verdict of sudden death about |
to be (mind use the word abouD re-
corded by the swamp angel at the clerk
desk?
When you recollect that for lesser
crimes Annanias was sequestered, and
Lots wife converted into deer lick
that by your association you have fitted
Yourself for the companionship of owls
and OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES in the opinion
of the late lamented Cole, you are guilty
of peddling books and conserving with
lightning rod men, sewing machine
agents and editors, have also been seen
closeted with Prof. North, who is at
present giving it, to Lancaster. BY
sit you will readily see the tendency
of my remarks, and You will understand
it better two or three months hence,
when he has left the effects of Pinafore
in his track.
The facts seem to point Enthusiastically
to Eight rope champion of about
your size.
Circumstances turn and leer at you
from their blood-shot eyes, and shout,
q Thou art the D1dfsr'
Public opinion has voted you dead
head on the air line. The law arrives
in its majesty, and boldly confronting
you, says in thunder tones [pause by the
speakerl young man, do you know
what she saysp Scoopedi Grim Death
smiles serenely as he pastes on the His
toric wall, these words of fearful inn
port meme, meme, teaket upharsia. Lit
orally translated, he was long winded
and tough, but / laid over his straight
with 'bobtail, and gathered him in. =
| What is left for this court to do, except
| to exclaim in the classic language of the
patriarch, go up, old Bdtdy!'f All!
now you tremble--your cheeks blanch
with fear. See! Yonder approaches
Fate, stern and memorable. In her hand
she fourishes the cord with which she
viii gently rock you to sleep. Unhappy
man, Your fate is sealed! A strange and
to you incomprehensible concentration
of events over which you had no control
have sacrificed you-a victim of q mis-
placed friendship and youthful indis-
erection, and it only remains for me to
AZ. l~s.lsl1.., - al,