The Brookhaven ledger. (Brookhaven, Miss.) 1875-1883, 1881-06-16
Nnr lessert

a pair OF tochihBs- u" 800
derbilt.
The reporter who was asked to write
up the death of two murderers said he'd
see 'em hanged first.
II was a young "@sthete" from Bos-
ton who, on first seeing Niagara, said:
"What q beautiful bang!'
1t begins TO look as though the next
worlds fair would have to be held In
the next world if anywhere.
A man advertises: Glands wanted
on toys' pants" Hands won't do any
good no.a. days; itneedsa leather strap.
A Washington man who died recently
left a quantity of fish, bread, beef, and
said: :'These are the provisions of my
will"
"Did you call your brother a liar?'
asked the stern parent, and the culprit
replied: "Well, I said he was a sewing
machine agent"
I'm a bloated blonde holder said
the little man as his $50 10. blonde
sweetheart Topped into his iap and sat
there like a weight of woe.
A persistent youth married a girl
who accepted him IN the nineteeth
proposition. Ho now wishes he had
asked her but eighteen times.
The Boston Transcript says the af-
f~ectionate nature of women is seen in
the exasperating sweetness with which
abe hups her umbrella.
An article in an exchange is headed
s'Men's Wives" There are so many
boys getting married ~uow-a-days that
such o distinction is necessary.
Scene at the college. Prep. Ito SER
want at the doorl-Miss--?" Ser
Publishes engaged" Prep
know it; I'm what she's engaged to-"
A Vermont Newspaper recently
closed an obituary of a young lady
thus: "She had an amiable temper,
A wealthy citizen of New York in
celebrating the { iftieth anniversary OF
his wedding, toasted his wife as 1.-The
healthy old lady who combines beauty
and durability"
When a man begins to tumble up
stairs every one helps him to get to the
top. and when he begins to tumble
down stairs all the world seems anxious
TO have him reach the bottom.
We can never tell what's going to
happen in this world. The girl who
this year IS working zephyr dogs on a
young mans slippers may next year be
working half>soles on the old mans
pants,
1t Was a Texas gentleman who loads
ed his shotgun heavily, and went out
to interview an obnoxious neighbor,
and 1t was a Texas Coroner who de-
cided. Suicide stead OF murder, cos
the gun busted"
A man undertook the other day to
make a Jury believe be was deaf, but a
chap hired by the opposing counsel
softly whispered. Lets go out and
drink" and the fellow heard him the
first time"
If a poor--merchant should marry
an extravaganza girl, would his book
keeper? If she should neglect to sew
on his buttons, would her dress-maker?
And if she should refuse to put on her
own clothes, would her hair-dresser?
"Where would we be without wo-
menu" asks an Ottumwa man. 1t is
hard to determine just which way the
majority would drift, but some men we
know of would be out of trouble, and a
good many more out at the seat OF their
brooches.
Very innocent man old man Mildboy
is. A friend found him at his desk the
other day, absorbed in %perplexing
study. II am writing my WILL" the
old man said, land | want to fix it
somehow so that the lawyers can get
some of the property
"And did your husband die in hope
of a blessed Immortality. Sister Wig
gins?" inquired the new minister, who
was making his first call on a fair
widow of his congregation. BLESS
you, mol" was the mournful response,
he died in Chicago"
A contemporary has been asked:
"Can a man belong to a brass band
and be a Christian" It replies: "We
see no impediment in the way. But if
he is a member of a brass band,
and is given to practiclng on a cornet
or trombone at home, it is a very diff
cult thing for the man living next door
to be a Christian"
Around the table are monsieur, mad
anne, Bebe and the family cousin. eff
you'll kiss me-" said the cousin to Bebe,
II give you a bonbon." Don't let
him kiss you," says monsieur, SIT
would make a moustache grow on your
lip like his" "Oh, I'm not afraid
answers Bebe; ''mama tisses him often.
and she hasn't dot no mustache!'
There is in Baltimore a boy named
"Ollie," who is just out of dresses. A
friend of the family asked Ollie "whose
boy he WASP" 'I'm mammals boy
"Why Olliem said his father reproach-
fully Eyes," continued Ollie, "and
I'm papa's boy" "How can that be?'
asked the friend. "Why, my gracious!'
was the reply, "can't a wagon have
two horses?"
Some people can invent awful mean
slurs. When the Jenkins girl was
, whaling away at the piano and poster
ed the next door neighbor, the next
door neighbor came ont on the steps,
listened to the noise a minute, looked
up to the Jenkins girls mother, who
was at the window, and said, SCOT
plumbers at work In your house,
haven't you?" No wonder those fami-
lies don't speak now.
She was a model end sedata Boston
school ma'am, and absolutely afraid OF
a man. No male lips had ever pressed
hers. All the kisses she had given in
her life had been thrown away on fe-
male relatives; but when one Of her
favorlte scholars came slyly behind
her and rubbed her face with the
rough side of o fig leaf, she turned
suddenly and b%lushing exclaimed:
swell, II declare; it felt like q mans
beard of three days growth"
Frederick Tells his Love.
"And you really love me dearly?" he
asked. as he coiled his arm around hei
wasplike system.
ssAnd Won will ALWAYS love me sop