The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-08-06

of his yolingo: daughters, sent up to his
country place in Vermont donkey for
her use. She had read about donkcys, but
was net familiar with their peculiar vocu-
lism. Tho animals strange noises in
spircd her with the profoundcst pity for
his evident distress. So she wrote to her
father, ''Dear papa, ] do wish you would
come up here soon, my donkey is so
lonesome ~
A RED BLUFF sportsman relates tho fol-
lowing story: "WhIlc out hunting a
short time sncc," said he, 81 was bitten
bya rattlcsnakc on the back of the left
hand, and having heard that If powder
was burned on tho bitten part 1t would be
an antidotc to the poison, | Immediately
poured small quantity of powder on the
bitten place, struck Il match and set fire
to it /; the result was that felt no incon-
vcnicncc and experienced no pain or
trouble whatever from the bite" The cx-
pertinent IL certainly worth trying, only be
careful and don't blow yourself up
MKS. B0MBAZINE got Il new boarlcr tho
other day. At the first meal he took he
got ch0kcd and had a terrible time Of swal-
lowing some coffee. "What's the matter,
strangcr2" she asked, kindly. "Nothing,
except that coffee went down the wrong
way.' "GDod heavens, is it possible that
| have secured Il bonrdcr with two tlroats,"
exclaimed Mrs. Bombazlnc, who has been
complaining very bitterly Of the amount OF
food IL man with one only throat can de-
stroy.
THEY were two crnrty ard cautious old
vags. They met in the nllcy, locked cacl,
over, and one OF them qucricd, "Sny, do
you chcw2" lie did, but he didn't want
to spare any. lie therefore replied, Yes,
| chew gum ''Sorry," continued the
other, as he hauled out Il fine large plug
and held 1t up to tho light 81 don't use
the weed myself, and was going to give
this to you. If find any gum in amy Of
my travels through tho alleys, pll bear you
III mind, Tra-la.'
a FEW days AFRO Il Chester editor put on Il
vest which he laid aside last summer, and
in one of the pockets he found roll of
notes amounting in all TO $50. This is a
little surprise that is liable to occur to any
editor who OWNS more than one vest, al.
though we believe the Chester man does
not suspect any one. These practical Jokes
should he frowncd down by free nnd Gu
lightcncd press.
THE good man slnmmcth the gate, and
bnngGth the door, and makcth noise, for
his heart is without guile, and hc fcarcth
not grcyous words of his wife; but the
naughty man shuttcth the gate soft.ly, and
stcalcth up stairs IN his stocking feet, and
stumblcth over the rocking chair, and the
last condition OF that man is worse than
the first.
IN tho course Of street brawl The other
day, ono of the disputants was heard to
rcltcratc with considerable profanity that
he might be whipped, but he wouldn't be
subjugatcd. 1t seems that he mlscalcu-
lated little on this point, as he was seen
the next day and gong to q picnic along
with his wife, and actually carrying the
baby.
GERMAN WAS ia Il room with dozen
other lodgcrs trying TO sleep, but WIS kept
awake by their terrible snoring. At last
one OF the snorcrs who had been shaking
the building for half an hour, gave Il snort
and stopped short. "rhanli God, Won ish
ted" said the Dutchman.
AT "A recent prize fight it was put to a
vote whether the battle should proceed or
and about fifteen minutes later both The
ayes and noes chad lr'--and had it pretty
badly, too.
ADVICE to girls: Remember, also, that
pretty hand is one Of womrn's chic fest
charms. Never assist your mother in her
household duties. 1t doesn't So much mat
ter how her hand is sprawrd ont by hard
work. ShciS ont Of the mark ct.
Nor parlor match: $50 you married
old Ilcav,prnny's eldest, hcar?" said the
friend. eyes, smd young lntorit, IL
have 'Good match' asked the friend.
81 guess so,' sighed The BRIDEGROOM,
wrarily; "heaps Of birthstone toit." And
the years 90 by.
n MUSICIAN, George Sharp, had ms name
on the door thus: sc. Sharp u wag
"f painter who knew something of music,
carly one morning made the following I'M
dcnlablc and significant addition: "ls a.
Hat"
81 AM skcrtlc,'' said All imma turc per-
son OF the masculine gender, in vain-
old lady somewhat hard Of hearing.
While the sm,lc went round, the youth
went out.
a GREAT many OF us are the position of
the lrishman who, when told that he had
an upright judge to try HIM, replied
"Ah, Bi!dy, it's not an upright judge
want, my darlin', but one that Will lean q
little tony side
COUNTRY debating society has just de-
cidcd that the quickest way Tor young
man to get hs portrait in n leading illus
tratcd paper is to join professional base
ball club. Living life Of usefulness sell
dom accomplishes the same result.
~ wlrE said to her husband, who was
scelding her, "llowcvcr cross you may
be, there is not Il couple who live in great =
er unanimity than you and !; for we
both desire tho same thing-yon want to
hc master, and SO do H.