The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1881-03-11
VOL. XXV..--NO.lO.
VARIETIES.

lie Charirari: | used to believe that
women prefer those whom they think hand.
some. Error. They prefer those whothink
| them handsome
Il am surprised" said politician to n
heavy property owner, "that you never run
for some Office" "Well you see, some
body must do the taxpaying"
1t is said that sharks will not bite a swim
mer who keeps his legs in motion. Ifyou
can keep kicking longer than a shark can
keep waiting you'll be all right.
--"Sawdust pills." says an old physician
| would etfectually cure many of the diseases
with which mankind is afflicted, if every m.
| tlent would make his own sawdust"
A young lady in writing to q friend
says: 81 am not engaged as you insinuate,
but must confess that | see a cloud above
my domestic horizon about as big as mans
hand"
Gold is found in thirty-six counties of
Georgia, silver in three, copper in thirteen,
iron in forty-three, diamonds in twenty.siy
and whisky in all of them. The last is said
to get away with all the rest.
An impertinent fop made sport of an old
farmers large nose mouth and chin but the
old farmer sienced him by saying: "Your
nose mouth and chin all had to be made
small so that thered be material left for your
cheek "
certain gentleman recently lost his wife,
and young miss of six, who came to the
funeral, said to his little daughter of about
the same age, Your pa will marry again,
won't he ~ "Oh, yes!" was the reply; '"hut
not until after the funeral"
-Guiballard recently reproveda friend for
his too liberal use of absinthe. "Bahw said
the latter, "Pve drank of it since | was a boy
and I'm sixty" Very likely" replied Gut
ballard, but if you had never drank of it
perhaps you would now be seventy"
"A Frenchman is about to be beheaded.
Under the guillotine apriest approaches him
and says: My friend, have you any last
wish TO make? The wish ola diving man is
scored" YES" replied the doomed man.
81 want TO learn English"
-"There are places in the Atlantic Ocean"
the lecturer impressively said, gin which the
talest mountain ranges could be hidden from
view" "But how are you going to move
The ranges?' socmnly asked a pale, dyspep.
tic.looking man in the back of the hall, and
then the janitor put out the lights.
An exchange well says, "No Smoking"
ought to be posted in every barn. There is
not much difference in having horse thief
around the stable and man cleaning horses
with pipe in his mouth and there is no
hired man meaner than the one who, when
his employer comes around, slips his pipe
into his pocket or holds his hand over it.
All such fellows should be paid off and start
ed off.
Beauties of moral courage; you look
so happy that / suppose you have been to the
dentist and had that aching tooth pulled"
said Galveston man to friend with swoll.
en- jaws. at amt that makes me look happy.
The tooth aches worse than ever, but don't
feel it," How is that ?" "Well, feel so
jolly because have just been to the dentist
and he was out, and the happy man cut a
pigeon-wing on the sidewalk
Andrew Jackson was once making
stump speech out West, in a small village
Just as he was concluding, Amos Kendall who
set behind him, whispered, Zip 'em little
Latin, General They won be content with.
out it Jackson instantly thought upon
few phrases he knew, and in a voice of thun-
der would up his speech by exclaiming, 'E
pluribus unum-sine qua NOME plus ultra
-multum in parvop The effect was tremen-
dous, and the shouts could be heard for many
miles.
The Hindoo thiefs manner of scaling walls
is very ingenious tits by means of a huge
lizard, which he carries with him in his
nocturnal rambles. The process is as follows:
The lizard, which is perhaps n yard in
length, with great claws and fattened feet
and suction powers like those of fly, is made
fast to the dacoit by tough cord tied to his
tail. When the dacoa is pursued and comes
in his hasty flight to wall, he quickly throws
his lizard over it, holding fast to the other
end of the cord. By means of its suction
powers the lizard fastens himself to the
wall on the opposite side, and the thief draws
himself 10 the top, and jumps lightly down.
BY choking the lizard it is made to release
its hold