Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-07-16
WIT AND WISDOM.


THEY talk most who have the least to
say.
THE worst berry of the season-Bri-
berry.
SPELL pea soup with three letters.
S-O-U-pea soup.
WHY is a rosebud like a promissory
note? Because it natures by falling
dew.
SHE cooed; he wooed; the old man
said they could if they would. No
cards.
SOMETIMES a noble failure serves the
world as faithfully as distinguished
success.
MEpiCA1 men say no benefit is de-
rived from seasickness. 1t will continue
to be fashionable, however.
''No, sIR," said a mother proudly,
''my boy will never be caught in any
scrape. He's too smart for that.
Two or three hairs properly arranged
ON plate of butter will save it longer
and make it go farther than eight pounds
of oleomargarine.
"ANYTHINa historical here ?" he said
at Mount Desert to a native. Wal,
yes" was the reply, "that there COW
used to belong to Ben Butler"
THINKERS are as scarce as gold, but
he whose thoughts embrace all his SUBJ
iect, pursues it uninterrupted and fear
less of consequences, is diamond Of
enormous size.
A WESTERN newspaper announcet
4 4
pistol-shots at persons passing on the
street "were ordered to be quiet by Po-
iceman Jones'"
The lady who plays the piano is the
one who gets left at social gathering.
While she is so obliging as to entertain
the company the guests assembled are
flirting and talking with each other.
PROBABLY the boy never lived who,
having drum, did not burst il to see
what made the music. But Vermont
has the champion boy. He broke his
drum because he wanted to see the
drum core that his father spoke of.
A POOR fellow who kicked his wife to
death in England has been sentenced
to six months imprisonment. The
Judge will probably average the thing
by giving some deep-dyed villain who
has killed rabbit three or four years.
An Irishman, on enlisting, was asked
by the recruiting officer: "When you
get into battle, Paddy, will you fight or
run?" "Ah, faith, replied Pat, with a
comical twist of his countenance, on
be after doin', yer honor. as the major
ity of We does.
AT late Cincinnati wedding the or
ganist entertained the audience awaiting
the bridal pair by a series of voluntaries
the last of which was "Trust her not
she is fooling tbee," at which he was
hard at work as the bridal procession
walked up the aisle.
A LONDON paper asks: els this fair
bet? If / win, you are to keep me in
chocolate creams for a year. Mind, 1
like the pointed ones. If you win, I'll
work you something There is cer-
tain vagueness about that something,'
though none as to the creams"
For several weeks a rural journal
kept the following conspicuously at the
head of its local column: "Boy wanted
editors wife presented him with
boy" which, in a highly significant
way, shows the value of advertising.
Two women got into a crowded st.
Louis horse Car. A man gave one of
them seat, and told boy to do the
same for the other. "I won't" the
youngster replied. The man seized him
by he collar, pulled him out of the
seat, lectured him on the duty of polite
ness, and subsequently paid fine of $5
in court.
A DANDY, whose only merit was that
he was born of distinguished parents,
said one day before Thiers: "But Lit
tire has only one proof that man sprang
from the monkey it is himself. "At
least, replied Theirs, she possesses one
advantage that he does honor to his an
cestors."
THE following epistle was picked up
near the Post Office the other day:
''Dear Gus: The reason 1 didn't laugh
at you when You laughed at me in the
| Post Office is because [ have a bile I'M
der my arm, and / can't laugh as used
to, as Heaven is my judge. Your loving
Dora"
An, NOW we shall begin to read of the
murmuring sea, of the silent sea, of the
moonlit sea, of the restless sea, of tn
unruflied sea, and all that nerve soothe
ing panacea. 1t is pleasant, yea, it is
delightful, but it means four dollars a
day and everything "extra." Do not
be beguiled by it.
THERE is an old gateman in the rail-
way station in Media, Pennsylvania,
who, instead of the usual "Show yer
tickets p accosts the traveller with,
"Whar to, stranger ?" Persons going
to Boston used to be startled at Spring
field by a brakeman's cry: "Spring.
field Swap cars for the Connecticut
river road :"
"WAITER," called the dissatisfied
guest, "come here; there's something
wrong with this coffee; it tastes as
though there were something in it. y
Waiter examines critically. "Ah, yes
so there is, sir; must be there's some
real coffee in it, sir. Sent out by mis-
take, sir. Made for the cooks own table
SIR" Goes out and returns with brim