The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-03-10
Uartetu.
VARIETY SCRAPS.

All the year round-The earth.
Taken on the spot-The measles,
A calico wrapper-A dry goods clerk
Apple Jack is first cousin to James Jams.
A boil at less than 2t2 degrees-A gum boil.
FaCts are stubborn things. Mules are facts.
Has an ofEhand way with TIA circular saw
Motto for grOCers-HOnest tea Ia the best policy
It does not improve the potato to have specks
on Its eyes,
The greatest maahers usually turn out the small
ost pOtatoea.
Fine feathers do not make fine birds, The bird
make the feathers.
What should clergyman preach abOuts Abou
aquarter Of an hour.
Enough is as good as feast to him who Ia only
satisfied with feast.
You can't make silk purse out Of a sow's ear
nor in one, for that matter.
The more the merrler-but the fellow thai
watches the mower is merrier.
The first river you come to in Scotland thew
will tell you is the Forth.
The hays cutter is the invention OF one man,
Almost every farmer has had hand in 1t.
Why is man playing barrel organ like q
miller Because he grinds powerfully upon the
ears.
The new style spring bonnet may be photo
graphed by slamming a ripe tomato against q
board fence.
Hands wanted on bo-s' pants" ia the daily
advertisement in the newspapers Twas ever
thus from childhood's hour
A gentleman alked negro boy to take pinch
ofsnutf mo-" replied the darkey, "Pompeys
nose amt hungry. ..
We never yet came across q genuine Egyptian
mummy that appeared in any way to be In hur.
ry, yet they are invariably pressed for time.
What merry sound the scrape Of the snow
shovel has upon the morning airI Especially IL
you are snug in bed, and somebody else Is doing
the shoVelingl
After an enthusiastic lover spends two hours
hard labor over letter to his girl, and then mars
Its beauty by apilling drop Of ink on IT, he first
calculates in scientific manner for a few min
utes, and then draws circle round the blot and
tells her 1t Is kiss; and she poor thing, believes
II.
Braxheld, who spoke the broadest Scottish dia.
lect, said TO Margaret,
"Hae ye ony counsel, mani"
mo-" was the answer.
"Do you want to hse ony appOintitt"
mo-" replied Margaret, II only want an inter,
preter to enable me to understand what your lord
lhip says"
A cruel husband calls his wife green fruit"
because Bhe never agrees with him.
There iH one European city that Is naughty but
Ito Nice.
Strange to say, the more honest q policeman Is
he more he 10 on the beat.
When the contribution box comes round II you
ion't give cent you should nod for nodding iS
Lsseat.
An EngliRhmsn upon hearing the cackllng In
'oultry yard, exclaimed, "oh, thia Is really hen.
,hanting."
When young lady asked to look at paraaol
he clerk said "Will you please give me the shade
7ou wantf' II expect the parASOl to give the
hade l want" quoth the young lady.
1t was married lady who began the telling Of
story by saying, "onOe knew q couple Of little
IirlB, one ofwhom died aad went 10 heaven while
he other grew up and got married"
After supper at ball-He: "WiGhout Joking
Elise, do adore Jon. When look at you, there
such commOtion in my breastI" She: "And
n mine, too, Henry IL must be the lobster
RlAd |"
Biddy-Ah, mustn't they be the heartleao hath.
ms thsre that wouldn't give him crust itself.
ear the poor sowl will die Of indigestion.
A lRSy boy was complaining that his bed was
90 short when his father Sternly replied: THAT
becouse you axe too long In It, SIR"
TeaCheE-Has fire any genderf Pupil--Yes,
emenine TeRcher-WAst makes you think soY
'upil-Because heard mamma tell papa not to
tug the FIRE.
Here lies, cut down like unripe fruit,
The wife Of Deacon Amos shute;
She died Of drinking too much coffee,
Amy Dominy eighteen forty. s 1
p Arrest beneath this church yard stone
Lies stlngy Jenny Wyatt;
He died one morning Just at ten,