Smyrna times., 1881-10-12

VIII the coming woman smokcp"
asks an exchange. Very likely. Self
defense is the first law Of nature
There are 5000 professional BURGLAR
anu about $4,000 dealers in wildcat stock
IN this country at the present time.
Inc Nhlhese vaccinate on the nose
vaccination lump there is not very pretty.
but Is great deal easier to look after.
IN the Scotch highlands butcher :.
called q 'hesher." Down the countrv
butchers are called guttapercha dealers
ne boston Post has discovered thattb,
cniei qualification Of a popular society
man Is "a capacity to endure being bored
There is great variety Of wio. h,,
paradoXlcal as it may seem. Won will
ma any Of them as much alike a, tounee
All not gold that glitters. The bras.v
individual may shine for the moment bnt
ne can never pass current in good society
The White House is said to bo inf.s,od
with reaches, just the same as any otbor
habltation which frequently changes ten
ants.
An Iowa woman helped her husband
to raise 90 acres of wheat. He was ve,,.
lazy and she helped him with a broom
stick
Oasablanca' has been set to music
ne part representing the boy standingon on
the burning deck is probably staccato
movement
The manufacturer Of Il cure for skin
diseases has gore crazy. Some one mnst
have told him that the buckwheat cron
was failure.
If you do not believe with Darwin tba,
man IS decended from the monkey watch
the antics of 3-year-old boy or the GRIM
aces of an 18-year-old fop.
New York storekeepers are showing all
their punched coin on to their customers
and refusing to take any more. They are
bound to abate the nuisance somehow.
some OF these days some genius will
invent a shoe which will begin to Get
comfortable before it is entirely worn out
and forty fortunes will flow into his COP
pers.
A good husband makes a good wife
says philosopher, who should have gone
a step further and explained that NOTHING
but a good wife will make q good hus-
band
Apartment houses are in demand in
Boston. the people of that CITY having
come to the conclusion that life is too
short to spend two hours day on rail
roads
The Wilmington Erery Erening is right
IN directing attention to the fact that Gui-
teau is not proper subject for joking
But, nevertheless, he is a proper subject
for choking.
By carefully looking over the news col
umns OF enterprising papers every morn
ing President Arthur manages to keep
posted on the changes which he is going
to make in his cabinet.
If there is no hell, will Col. Ingersoll be
so kind as to tell us where Guiteau will
spend deternity?-Iater-O Ocean. Don'tknow.
if he spends it tanywhere near me I'll make
it hot for him.-IngersoU.
1t is curious to look down the aisles of a
full church and see at the end of every
pew man. Very seldom, indeed, does
woman sit at the door of pew. Why?
-Er. Give it up unless it is because
women don't chew.
George Alfred Townsend does not like
little paragraphs" and no wonder.
Should the public ever discover that the
ideas which he pads out into a column
could be better expressed in a dozen lines
his business would be ruined.
The Boston Globe calls Mrs. Surratt
murdered woman" The hope of this
nation is, that Guitcau will be murdered
in precisely the same way. There is not
a bootblack in the country who would not
work his fingers Off to furnish the hemp.
The Chinese students ordered home
from this country say they prefer Chinese
fare to American food. Perhaps the San
Francisco hoOdlums are right after all.
There is no hope for a people that cannot
get used to corn cake, pumpkin pie and
waffles.
The sufferers by the forest fires on the
| Canadian shore of the St. Lawrence are
appealing to the government for aid. The
fishermen have lost boats, nets, and the
Summer catch of fish.
The will of Mrs. Jennie McGraw Fiske
furnishes strong proof of her inherited
interest in Cornell University. The col
lege receives $4,000 in specific bequests,