Sacramento daily record-union., 1881-06-18
The NAUGHTY BUT NICE CHURCH
CHOIR

ou may organize a church choir and
think you have got it down fine, and that
every member of it is pious and full of
true goodness, and in such moment as
you think not you will find that one or
more of them are full Of the old Harry,
and it will break out when you least ex-
pect it. There is no more beautiful sight
to the student of nature than "a church
choir. To see the members sitting together,
| demure, devoted and pious looking, you
think there is never thought enters their
minds that is not connected with singing
anthems, but sometimes you get left.
There is one church choir in Milwaukee
| that is about as near perfect as choir can
be- 1t has been organized for long time,
and never has quarreled, and the congrega
tion swears by 1T. When the choir strikes
devotional attitude it is enough to make
an ordinary Christian think of the angel
band above, only the male singers wear
whiskers and the females wear fashionable
clothes.
You would not think that this choir
played tricks on each other during the ser
mon, but sometimes they do. The choir
is furnished with the numbers of the
hymns that are to be sung by the minis
ter and they put a book mark'in the book
at the proper place. One morning they
all got up to sing, when the soprano turned
pale, as an ace of spades dropped out Of
her hymn book, the alto nearly tainted
when queen of hearts dropped at her
feet, and the rest of the pack was distrib-
uted around in the other books. They
laid it on to the tenor, but he swore, while
the minister was preaching, that he didn't
know one card from another.
One morning last summer, after the
tenor had been playing tricks all the
spring on the rest of the choir, the soprano
brought a chunk of shoemakers wax to
church. The tenor was arrayed like Solo,
mon, in all his glory. with white pants and
Seymour coat. The tenor GOT up to see
who the girl was who came in with the
old lady, and while he was up the soprano
put the shoemakers' wax on the chair, and
the tenor sat down on it. They all saw it.
and they waited for the result. 1t was an
awful long prayer, and the church was hot,
the tenor was no iceberg himself and shoe
makers wax melts at ninety eight degrees
| Fahrenheit. The minister finally got to
the amen and read hymn, the choir
coughed and all rose up. The chair that
the tenor was in stuck to him like a
brother, and came right along and nearly
broke his suspenders, It was the tenor to
| bat, and as the great organ struck up he
pushed the chair off OF his person, looked
around to see if be had saved his pants,
and began to sing, and the rest OF the
choir came near bursting. The tenor was
called out on three strikes by the umpire,
and the alto had to sail in, and while she
was singing the tenor began to feel of first
base to see what was the matter. When
he got his hand on the shoemakers' warm
wax his heart smote him and he looked
daggers at the soprano, but she put ON
pious look and got her mouth ready to sing
Hold the Fort" Well, the tenor sat
down on white handkerchief, before he
went home, and he got home without any
body seeing him, and he has been, as the
saying is, Laying" for the soprano ever
since, to get even
1t is customary in all first. class choirs
for the male singers to furnish candy Tor
the lady singers, and the other day the
tenor went TO candy factory and had a
peppermint lozenger made with about halt
a teaspoonful of cayenne pepper in the
center of It. On Christmas he took his
lozenger TO church and concluded TO get
even with the soprano il he died for It,
Candy had been passed around, and Just
before the hymn was given out in which
the soprano was to sing solo, " Nearer
my God to Thee" the wicked wretch gave
her the loaded lozenge. She put 1t in her
mouth and nibbIed off the edges, and was
rolling it as sweet morsei under her
tongue, when the organ struck up, and
they all arose. While the choir was skir-
mishing on the first part of the verse and
getting scored up for the solo, she chewed
what was left of the candy and swallowed
it. Well, if Democratic torchlight pro-
cession had marched unbidden down her
throat she couldn't have been any more
astonished, She leaned over to pick up
her handkerchief and spit the candy out,
but there was enough pepper left around
the selyage of her mouth to have picked a
peck of chow chow. 1t was her turn to
sing and she rose and took the book, her
eyes filed with tears, her voice. trembled,
her face was as red as spanked lobster,
and the way she sung that old hymn was
a caution. With sweet tremulo she sung
Nearer my God to Thee" and the con-
gregation was almost melted to tears. As
she stopped, while the organist got in a
little work, she turned her head, opened
her mouth and blew out her breath with
"whoosh," to cool her mouth. The audi
ence saw her wipe a tear away, but did
not hear the sound of her voice as she
"whooshed." She wiped out some of the
pepper with her handkerchief and sang the
other verses with good deal of fervor.
and the choir sat down, all of the members
looking at the soprano. She called for
water The noble tenor went and got it
for her, and after she had drank a couple
of quarts, she whispered to him, g Young
man, l will get even with you for that
peppermint candy if have to live thou
sand years, and don't you forget it, and
then they all sat down and looked pious,
while the minister preached a most beauti-
full sermon on Faith" We expect that
tenor will be blowed through the roof
some Sunday morning, and the congrega-
tion viii wonder what he is in such hurry
for Peck's Sun.
THE marked popular favor accorded to
SINH D,nchV 10 apn,l,, ,xarrapfad Tt oap