Litchfield enquirer., 1881-01-13

Apple Jack is said to be first cousin to Jim Jams
 An Irishman can make land league in no time.
 A Tramp's Motto-"A little earning is . dangerous thing"
 Why is colored barbar like a third-rate musician? He tolls for Char" money.
 Edison is the most promising man in the country. He doesn't make light of his prom ises either.
 To get the truth by telephone it is neces. sary to have good man at the end of the line.
 "When 1 die.'' said married man, 'I want to go where there is no snow to shovel" Asdhis wife said she presumed he would.
 It is slightly impudent, to say the least, in the Yale juniors to boast that their fraternity of Psi U is the only civilized branch of the band of Indians bearing that uame
 A lawyer who had most absurd case sub- mitted to him, on being asked if the action would lie. answered: ''Yes, if the witnesses will He too, but not otherwise"
 Extract from letter from Angelia: Dear Harry, you ask if I return your love. Yes, Henry, have no pse for it and return it with many thsnks. sRxoy,sHsuFyrr~. t
 sHscane in tie etbes day and taking seat 'ahoutsyy"~ The editor told him he had better right about face.
 A German life insurance company called Der Lebensversicherungsg com plains of the irregularity of the mails. Yet one would suppose it got all of its letters.
 A young lady who wrote to . western edi- tor to know if young women ceased to be belles upon marriage was informed that if they held their tongues they did not.
 They tell of very ''cultured" devine in Boston, who, instead of saying 'The collec- ti0n will nov be taken up, "impressively re- marke, sThe accumulation of money will now ensue.
 A young lawyer wished to cite an author ity on case he was conducting, and not being able to remember it, his opponent wit tily remarked, Though lost to cite, to mem- ory dear"
 A little girl whose father was merchant taior said to her mother: Mother, can always tell when pa makes misfit, because he always gives you and me fits when he-gets home "
 close student of hunau nature saye that 'snlsen you see a yodng man and woman waking down the street leaning against each other like q pair Of badly-matched oxen, it is pretty good sign that they are bent on con- solidation "
 The young clerk who desires to pass him. self of as wealthy son of retired manu- facturer or lord of the soil should see that the height of the counter is not too plainly marked on the binding of his vest
 While the very young daughter of coun- try clergyman was playing in the garden one day a stranger came along and inquired if her father was at home. "No," she replied; "but py motheE is in the house, aand she will pray Tithgoa, you psof niserable sinner"
 An advocate of popular education began g speech once with these impressive words: 'Mr. President, rise to get up, and am not backward to come forward iu the cause of education; for had it not been for education should be as ignorant as you are, MT. Pres ldent."
 ''See here" said fault finding husband to his wife, i've must have things arranged in this house so that we shall know just where everything ia kept" With all my heart" she sweetly answered, ''and let us begin with yoHr late honrs, amy love should dearly like to knov Ytere sheysare kepG" Heaes things rpa on as hsuaE E f8 1 fashpda9es lady was unespectedly left ! withdaE. a~ser~dnt. She undertook to make her husband cup of coffee but it took so long he asked what in Halifax was the matter with the coffee. II don't know" she said. bursting into tears; ''Ive billed them 'ar beans for hull hour, and they ain't no softer now than they was when fust put lem Tn the pot"
 What Sunday school superintendent found on his blackboard: I.:.PLEEs MT. SUPERIN PENDENT DON'T FIRE oRE Stories evRY SUNDAY AT Us boys wITh AN Awful ExAmpul of DAD Boy IN eAch OF Them
 ff1v US REST! f.Iv IT TO THE CHRIS. UO SLOW"