The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-05-20
ALLEGED BITS OF Wit.

.s s~S~AASSS S@@SSA WAAs
Poem to spring-If you are coming why
don't you come along?-Free Press. .t....
Wagner, the composer, affects cats; and
the Boston Globe says : $50 does his music"
When young man wants to protect
young lad he naturally puts his armor round
her. Globe. t ... 81. s.F Fs, ..
b If New York does not soon collar a street.
cleaning process, she will cholera pestilence,
Cambridge Tribune. 7#. ~a#
evil q gin-sling do a man any good ?"
asks correspondent. Yes, If he slings the
gin far enough.-Herald.
Beecher says " We pray too much, This
explains why the average newspaper mans
breeches always bag at the knees.
A member of the Colorado Legislature, In
addressing that august body, began, "My
fellow-statesmen." His bill passed unani-
mously. sr' y7'
The list of Commodores in the navy mas
been reduced to twenty five, which leave us
only about three and half to each vessel
Transcript. .'-t ...
The archery clubs have commenced prac-
ticing, and the glass eye N snufactory in
Pittsburg is working double time.-Norris-
toen Herald.
Perpetual motion Is perhaps impossible to
obtain, but you can approximate 1t by put
ting boy on chair at funeral and telling
him to be stilD.-Post.
A Russ ian sigh-Siberia.- Night.
A western sigh--Cyclone.-Cambridge Tri-
bune. An unselcome sigh Scia.ica.-Glote.
An Eastern sigh Siam. .'..t. t..i
"Frut eaten at night Is baneful." This Is
one of those wise axioms proved to be true
by Adam. His trouble was caused by eating
an apple after Ege.--Traascript.
Joubers, the Boer, Is claimed ay Pennsyl-
vania. Ii this tuins out to be the case 1t will
be the ssddest blow that Ohio has yet re-
ceived.--N Y. Com. Advertiser. 5-
The Denver Tribune thinks they might
find the long lost Charley Ross in the Holly
water works of that city. Careful assays OF
the water reveal little Of everything.
The new Czu leeds very simple life. He
rises early and breakfasts with his family,
and .hen puts on his boiler-iron overcoat and
takes walk In the back yard.-Boston
| Globe. ,.t,...~.... ~,
The ancisnts never used pocket -handker'
chiefs, but the sncIents We're probably 1ndi-
| ana men.--C commercial Advertiser. How
| about the wiper that Cleopatrs carried in hel
| bosom? .ses s.r.sfssas4szs assa.. e. s. s.s
The cremation society Of Pittsburg offered
to burn Anna Louise Cary for nothing If she
| would consent to sing for its benefit one
night, and the ungrateful thing refused
Free Press. 80. nasrs..tsFer -s ,
| Women In the vicinity ofthe White House
already pronounce Mrs. Garfield mode
neighbor. She has not borrowed . fat-iror
nor drawing of tea since she moved inte
the neighborhood. Aedera Argo.
i The dyspepsic paragrapher Of the Courier.
Journal says: "May is one Of the unlacky
months tor marriages. The other unluck!
months are January, February, March, April
June, July, August, September, October, No
vembef and December. .........
When the "First Graye-Digger In Hamle
dug up q skull and threw 1t on the plank
ground by the stage gave OF "Ophelia,
aHamlet" 4" remarked to his friend: "Goot
Horatio, what manner OF skull-duggery il
this?" See Richard Grant White.
In a column Of "Discoveries made by Ac
cident," In an exchange, we see no neutior
of the woman who,while sewing button on
her husbands coat, found In the Inside pock
ct pefumed note beginning. " Dearest Ed
ward,r and signed "Eyer yoar own, Jllia.'
| .But, my dear fellah," said the newly ar
rived Engiishman to the Galyestoa hackmar
who had called him 'sColone,," Z" but m.
dear fellah, l don't ibelong to the army, ye
know" -"That doesn't make any difference
here in Galveston we cali almost every loafe
and dead-beat Colonel or Major. Have
kerr;dge. General a''-Nesos.
It is remarkable what little bites womal
takes when eating In the presence Of he
sweetheart. What little mouth she ha
thenl She nibbles with her little whit
teeth like some dainty squirrel eating hick
oiy nut. But watt until washday COMES
Watch her when she goes to hanging on
clothes and gets 10 hurry. BY the tim
she gels the big ends of is clothes pins hid /
thai mouth you will begin to think that 1t
pretty good-sized, hearty mouth after al
. Eye.
. It was Boston girl who asked: "Why
1t that two souls, mated in the impenetrabi
mystery Of their ma ivity, float by each othe
on the ocean currents OF existence with be
ings iaslinctively drawn together, blended
and beautifed i'm the assimilated alembic Z
eternal loye?" That is an easy one. It
because butter is As cents pound and
good sealskin sacque costs as high as $50
/ The necessaries of life must experience
fall in price before two souls will readi
blend in the, assimilated alembic and
| forth.-Norristorn Herald.
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