The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-11-02
FLOATING FANOIEs.

courtesy doesn't shut them again.
In reply to the question "Will the coming
man be bald 2" the NorristoWn Herald affffirms
that che generally is when he first comes.'
At Liverpool a publican, summoned fo1
having sundry false measures in his posses
sion, declared he only used them for those
who got drunk on credit.
The Brooklyn Un6on-Argus says, "Whc
shall decide when doctors disagree 2" An.
sWer-The undertaken.
a Western physician claims that red
clover blossoms will cure rheumatism. Nc
man ever saw a COW with the gout.
II declare" said Julia, .'you take the
words right out Of my mouth" mo won
der; they are SO sweet said Henry. The
day was set that evening.
Gold is judged Of its finess by comparison
with a carat, the human heart is measured by
the beat, and some heads are suggestive Of
the gentle cabbage.
They speak Of capturing q wild man in
Asia Minor with nothing but a skin over
his head" Possibly they are not accustomed
TO bald-headed men over there.
The queen business pays. The private
fortune Of Queen Victoria amounts to $50
900, 600, and her annual income is s3 $50
900. And yet she commenced life q poor
girl.
In a splug" Of natural leaf chewing tobac-
co may be found %licorice, oils, molasses,
glucose and slippery elm bark. The compo-
nent parts of a chew OF unnatural leaf can
not be contemplated with composure.
When q Chicago woman wants d divorce,
she gets Witnesses7o swear that she has lust
discovered her husband to be q ST. Louis
man, and the Court releases her fromth dis
gushing mesalliance at once.
Pulpit e%loquence: ssWhy," she asked, as
they were leaving the church, ssJohn, didn't
your soul thrill under that sermon p ssYes,
not only my sole" he savagely growled, 'sbut
my whole foot. These blamed boots are en-
tirelY too tight"
A cry from the heart-Little Ounce (look-
ing up suddenly from her history book:
'Oh, mamma, darling, I do wish | had
lived under James L." Mamma: ssWhy p
Little Ounce: because I see here that edu-
cation was very much neglected in his
Beware Of the landlady who merely sskeeps |
boarders for company or ssbecause the
house is too large" # you have no flesh to
hunt up some sensible person who
makes q business of running q boarding
and is not ashamed to say SO.
A very absent-minded man, who offan
asked a friend TO dine with him. but almost
forgot to be himself at home Oh. the
Jay named, meeting his friend in the street,
said: 'sCome and dine with me on Thurs
and added graciously, 81 will be
4As
Chicago clergymen can buy Autograph
for thirty cents each" Many per-
'ons have often wondered why Chicago cler-
took q vacation Of only three months
Turing the summer % recuperate their. worn
tut mental faculties. The sentence quoted
olives the mystery.
A Mrs. johnson OF Coldwater, Mioh..1as
one to England, where she proposes to col
ect three hundred or four hundred servant
s1rls to bring back Withher. RI IL not more
girls than America wants.. What
his country really suffers fsx is somebody
7ho can successfully oas one az them.
Food BY the keg: TIN d very sick man,
the tramp languidly, as be anchored
limself at a restaurant table, the doctor
AVS | mllst have some strengthening food.
tive me something with plenty of iron in
y The waiter shaded the corners of his
louth wi his hands and then ,belloWedin
tentoriaI tones, Zone key Of nails Z,
a hoase-car conductor was before The
9 few days ago, charged with assaltiDg
Is wife. It was shown in the evidence that
I had struck her with his first and knocked
or down. He acknowledged the assault, but
loaded in extenuation That his calling led
nc into habits Of punching the fair. The !,
said II was all right as long as he con !