Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-02-04
IIawk-EyetemS.

A young lady's cooking club has been
organized at Albany, Georgia.
The snowhakes, according to the New
York Ne,cs, ask, whittier are we drift
ing?'
The rage for cheap jewelry continues
undated. Mary Anderson has just
bought $1,000 diamond.
A great many young men regard
Santa Claus as fraud, because he don't
part his hair in the middle.
Three widows want the postoffice at
Mahony City, Pennsylvania. OF course
the prettiest one will get it..
Arizona has recently had a legal
hanging, and the Boston Globe thinks it
shows symptoms of civilization.
OF misery man somebody wrote:
" His head gave way, but his hand
never did. His brain softened, but his
heart couldn't"
In 1880 all gentlemen in Washington
smoked corIcob pipes and plantation
tobacco. while only the diplomatic
corps smoked cigars. according to q
writer in the Atlantic Monthly.
The English journals declare that the
credit of the United States is as goc d in
Europe as that of any nation in the
world. That explains why so many
Americans rush over to Europe every
summer. Good! If the credit holds
out until the bridge is finished, we'll
try it some day.
The mince pie for the season of 1880
81 contains fewer raisins than those of
last winter, but moro bits of leather
and nerve fibre. The leather accessories
may be chewed for hours after the rest
of the pie is gone, thus atfording safe
and healthful substitute for chewing
tobacco and gum.
Only O few months ago the people of
ireland were wailing and calling upon
heaven to pity them, and the rest of us
to give them something to eat, because
they had no harvest to gather. Now
they have abundant harvests and are
bowling and shooting if anybody at
tempts to gather them. We presume
these unhappy people probably know
what they want; certainly nobody else
can guess at it.
Among the curiosities of the census
in st. Louis is the discovered fact of the
existence there of man whose name
was Adam, who was married to woman
named Eve. The two were married in
Chicago on the same day, and went
from there to st. Louis together-an
act which the Chicago papers call being
thrust out of Paradise, and which COM
pletes the analogy.
The Lockport Journal tells this one !:
1t was dinner time in a select boarding
house when the new boarder arrived.
He was venerable-looking gentleman.
with silver hair, and his face beamed
with sweet repose, betokening pure
and holy life. As he joined the table
the landlady said, "Wonld you ask q
blessing, sir? ?" The venerable stranger
shouted, you'll have to talk louder,
marin, I'm so id deaf"
A CLEAN of reason is returning to
bric-a-brac lovers. Some of them put
the frightfully daubed plates on the
table instead of suspending them on
the wall. Now, if it doesn't become
the fashion to hang painted wash.tubs
and coal scuttles on the parlor walls,
sensible women car take their children
when they visit their aesthetic "
neighbors without having the little ones
frightened almost to DEATH Norris
town Herald.
The RAILROAD SWITCH. The en-
gineer's wife threw down her sewing
and impatiently fastened into the back
yard to settle noisy dispute among
the children. She selected Jack as the
offender and uncoupling her slipper
with a quick movement she run master
Jack on a siding, and began to mark
him. bad order" without regarding
his signals and piteous how1s. By this
time Bob, the guilty one, having run
on to the secure turn table of the back
fence, so that he could run off in either
direction, screamed out, "Let up
mother; shut her off tell you! You've
cut the wrong car and you'll run by
with the right one if you amt lively +
The mother coupled up and tried to
make flying switch on the culprit but
he got out on the main line, blocked the
section against her and was running
wild for the first siding long before the
switch engine could get out of the yards
SEE HER BEFORE BREAKFAsT.-An
old fogy exchange, talking about the
slattcrnly home life of our society girls,
advises the young men OF to-day to
see the girl he is counting, before break
fast" Why. bless your stupid old soul,
they all do. See her before breakfast
Hours before. Some of the boys never
think of starting home until they smell
liver and bacon climbing up the hall
stairs like a south wind blowing over a
bank of violets, stealing and giving
odor. But the moss of them say, with
a fine sense of sarcasm, "good- night
about three O'Clock in the morning.
This gives the girl four hours or more
in which to get ready for breakfast and il
she can't fix herself up in that time, she
is slow coach. See her before break
FAST" indeed. Did you suppose the
boys went away before nine o'clock?
Don't Butt Too SooN.-DOnt be
over-con6dent, young man. Don't carry
your pet hobby too far. Take note OF
the shoulders and legs of man before
you sass him. Out here on West Hill