davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Brenham weekly banner. [volume] (Brenham, Tex.) 1877-1907, 1881-06-09

Lord Napier, of Magdala, is
in London. His tenure of office
as governor of Gibraltar will
expire in October, when, being
II, he will, according to the
present regulations, be COM
PEELED to retire from the army
Brenham weekly banner. [volume] (Brenham, Tex.) 1877-1907, 1881-06-09

Uneasy sits the man that
dimes with the Gar.
Brenham weekly banner. [volume] (Brenham, Tex.) 1877-1907, 1881-06-09

Senator George says that the
defeat Of his colleague, Senator
Lamar, would be ga calamity,
not only to Mississippi, but to
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
A Relic of Washington.

An old walnut cabinet of antique de-
sign has been discovered in the store of
Frank Ware, a secondhand furniture
dealer in Staunton, Va, to which un-
usual interest attaches. In moving the
desk Ware turned it up and his eye fell
upon a singular looking inscription, to
decipher which he called in. the aid of.
several gentlemen, to make it out rs fol-
lows: "To George. Washington by D.
Webfter in We year I777," and in another
place: eye desk was presented to George
Washington In We year of ye Lord LIT
by d. Webfter." The inscribton is
quite distinct, except the SD" preceding
Webster. The cabinet was bought re-
Gently at a sale of the effects of the
widow of the late Samuel Clark, o former
Mayor of Staunton, and is about three
feet long and one deep and stands upon
four slender crooked legs. A drawer
uns the whole length of the cabinet at
the top and there are smaller shallow
ones beneath this, with an old fashioned
brass handle. It has been found that
Samuel Clark married q daughter Of
Sampson Matthews, who vas the first
man who ever kept a tavern in Staunton.
His tavern, which has long since disap-
peared, was a rendezvous for Continental
soldiers. General Matthews, a brother
of the tavern-keeper, was a friend of
General Washington and was Governor
of Georgia after the war. The old desk
evidently passed from General Washing
ton into the hands of Governor Matthews
and so into his brothers family. Its
identity is much strengthened by the
strong resemblance between the inscrip-
ton upon it and the handwriting of
Washington as seen upon an old auto
graph letter of his which has been
hunted up and compared with it.-PhiL
adelphiG Times.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
DISCRIMINATING AGAINST Authors.

Manuscript is merchandise, and often
goes to a dozen possible purchasers, and
then returns to the author to fill his
waste basket, or lie in his secret drawer
tiIl-"Lord knows when" But the post
office officials discriminate against this
particular kind of merchandise. Ores,
dry goods, nursery stock and the like
may be sent through the mail for q cent
an ounce. It makes no difference whether
these commodities have actually been
sold or whether they are sent as samples.
Nearly all sorts of books and other
publications require only half o cent
postage to the ounce, and the rest one
cent. The classes chiefly benefited by
this cheap rate are corporations, such as
mining companies, factories and whole
sale dealers, and the publishers Of books,
periodicals, newspapers, novels, pam
phlets, advertising sheets, etc. Now If
the departments of Government must
discriminate against some class, why
should the wealthy,escape and the needy
be oppressed by this discrimination
After q book or an article is once In
! type, no matter whether it is yet pub
lished, it has, in a degree, changed
hands; it has, in part at least, become
the property of the publishers. Then il
goes through the mailst to theproof-reader,
who may be the author, for half a cent
an ounce. The same book or article,
when it belonged wholly 10 the author
and wss still in manuscript cost him
each time lie sent it to publisher six
cents per ounce, and he had to enclose
the same amount in stamps in order te
secure the return of the work if no
"accepted."-Cor. Springfield Repnbli
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
e. Tue Days OF Humbugs.

Is it possible that this can be the
Nineteenth century? is the question one
asks oneself as the eye settles upon the
longs lists of astrologers, c~lairvoyants and
other humbugs, which have a prominent
place in the advertising columns of our
dailies. There is probably no other
country in the world where such impos-
tiers could ply their ~nefarious trade with
IMMUNITY. "Of oourse it is only the ig-
norant who patronize such people" is
the usual remark passed in connection
with these charlatans. But such is far
from being the case. People, ladies es-
pecially who should know better, visit
the offices of these imposters, in the fond
belief that they may geta tftip" on stocks
which will make their fortunes, or, by
some exercise of witch or wizards power,
be able to marry the man they love.
There is not cause to waste pity upon
this class for fools will be fools the world
over, and the a~strologer might a well
have their coin a any n else. 1t is
from the laboring class, however, that the
fortune-teller chiefly gets his living, and
many q hard-earned dollar has been
paid-for what? For nothing-and worse
than nothing. It is this class that needs
protection, and it is to be hoped that, ere
long, instead of granting them licenses
as at present, some law will be passed
which will sweep them, with other use
less rubbish. into the gutter Of oblivion.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
C Going to SCHOOL,

Glass in geography, stand up. Now,
who a tell me who was King of the
Cannibal Islands 400 years ago? What,
can no one answer this gravely important
query? Is it possible that you have
knowingly kept yourselves in the dark
on a point which may one day decide the
fate of the nation? Very well; the
whole class will stay for a n hour after
school as a punishment.
The "B" class in geography will
please arise and come forward for trial
and sentence. Now then, in what direc-
ton from San Francisco are the Man.
grove Islands? What! a NO n an
swer? And you boys expect to grow up
and become business men, and you girls
to become wives, and yet don't know
whether the Mangroye Islands are north,
east or southwest of San Francisco I
shall send the boys up to the principal
to be thrashed, and the girls will have
NJ recess.
The class in history will now take the
prisoners box, and tell the jury whether
sunfiower seeds are among the exports
of Afghanistan. No answer? None OF
you posted on this ~momentuous ques-
ton? Two.thirds of you on the point OF
leaving school to mingle in the busy
scenes of life, and yet you do not know
whether Afghanistan exports sunhower
seeds or grindstonesl For five years I
have labored here as q teacher, and now
I find that my work has been thrown
away. Go to your seats and 1 will think
up some mode of punishment BETTING
your crime. ~
The advanced class in mathematics
will now step forward. One of you
please step to the blackboard and Illus
trate the angular rectangle northeast
corner of a quadrangle. q What! No one
in all this class able to make that simple
illustration? James and John and Joseph
and Henry you expect to become mer-
chants, and Mary and Kate and Nancy
and Sarah, you are all old enough to be
married, and yet you confess your igno-
rance of angular rectangular quadrangle
lers before the whole school! John,
suppose you become a wholesale grocer.
Do you expect to buy tea and sugar and
coffee and spices, and sell the same
again without reference to quadrangles?
Mary, suppose you go to the store to
buy four yards of factory at ten cents a
yard How are you going to be certain
that you have not been cheated if you
cannot figure the right angle of a trian-
gle? All, mel 1 might as well resign my
position and go home and die, for the
next generation will be SO ignorant that
all educated persons will feel themselves
strangers and ~outcasts. -Detroit Free
Drpee
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
The Postal Gard Fiend.

''There is a new kind of iend in exis-
ence," said a post-office detective recent
ly toyour correspondent; 'the postal card
fiend, who came into existence with that
species of, ep~istolary effusion. The
nuisance is a much greater one than you
can imagine. No one who is not con-
nected with the service can imagine the
number of scurrilous cards sent out.
Ladies come to us-some of them be-
longing to the first families in our city
who are almost heartbroken over the open
missives they have received. They do
not want to expose the matter-often it
is the result of some family feud-and SO
all we can do is to stop the cards here,
while the villain is allowed to go free"
I have heard of a case lately where a
young wife was assailed in reputation by
a former lover-rejected, of course-who
kept just within the boundary of the:law.
The ~insinuating language was sufficiently
yelled to keep the young husband un-
easy, while it ate deep into the young
brides heart. 1t will kill her, as she is
dying slowly of the inward wound. OF
course ten years in prison would be light
punishment for such q fiend, but these
people always calculate upon an unwill-
ingness to prosecute on account of fears
of publcity.-M. Y. Con. Philadelphia
RooOrd
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
An Affecting Lie.

An early settler in Chicago relates
IN incident in which he was an actor:
Gas I sat there in the long ago, and,
shrouded in the September haze, wal
dreaming of q fortunate future for my.
self, 1 heard the muffled tread of innum.
berable feet drawing nearer and nearer
to me. The sound was like the football
OF a regiment of infantry approaching,
and / rose to see what was the cause. ]
had not long to wait, for very loon there
hove in sight q very singular spectacle.
First came a large Illinois hog at the
head of a long column of Illinois hogs,
all marching Indian fashion, and grunt-
ing with that gentle, placid grunt which
the hog carries with him. On closer ex-
animation into the singular phenomena
I say that all the hogs, except the leader,
were blind, each animal having his pre-
decessor's tail in his mouth throughout
the long line, consisting of thirteen thou
sand five hundred and twenty-one
unfortunate, sightless hogs, cheerfully
following their leader to the water. I
was never so struck with the wonderful
instinct of the brute creation In my life,
and my eyes filed with tears when I
saw the child-Ike faith and confidence of
each blind animal following with implicit
trust the more fortunate guide: Soon,
however, q great dazzling ~three-cornered
idea worked its way into my intellect.
Dashing away my idle tears I drew my
revolver and shot off the leaders tail,
leaving the long line of disconnected and
aimless hogs in the middle of a broad
prairie with no guide but the dephlogis-
ticated tail of a hog who was three-quar-
tiers of q mile away. ThenI stole up,
and taking the CORY tail in my hand I
led the trusting phalanx down to the
stockyards and sold the outfit at eight
cents live weight. This was the start Of
my dazzling career as a capitalist, o
career to which I now point with pride.
Thus from a poor boy with one suspender
and a poor toe I have risen to be one
of our leading business men, known and
respected by all, and by industry. and
economy and borrowing my chewing to-
bacco I have come to be one of u solid
|mau
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
An. Artistic Heaven.

A retired manufacturer, one of the
practical sort of men, who had more of
the love of display than aesthetic taste to
properly sustain it, strolled into the
studio of a New Haven artist a few years
ago, and after examining some of the
paintings, thrusth his thumb into the arm
holes of his vest, and clearing his throat,
said to the artist.
"Ahem! have thought for sometime
that I would give you an order for a pic
ture."
"Should be happy" replied the artist
modestly.
"What I should like would be apicture
representing a child at prayer, with an
angel lowering wei it, and a view Of
heaven in the distance. Gould you
paint a picture like that?"
"Y-e-es, I think sc" was the rejoinder.
Every well, you "a paint it. I care
nothing about the expense if it only suits
me. I'll pay $3.50 for it."
Now the artist was a trif1e perplexed as
to the detail of the work before him.
The child at prayer and the lowering
angel were simple enough; any dabster
with a brush could paint those. But the
'theaven in the distance was not so
easily overcome. Calling in a friend he
consulted with him. GLOW do you sup
pose heaven looks, anyhow"
''Well," said the friend, waggishly,
81 suppose it looks something like the
first view of the City of Albany, the
great dome of the Capitol in the center
and"
"That's + e idea" exclaimed the artist,
81 see. J will paint the figures, and a
sky full ii clouds with a hole in the CEN
ter, ana put Albany in for the heaven"
A pictorial sketch of Albany was i'm
mediately sent for, the artist finished
the picture with that ancient city of the
Dutch as the distant heaven, the patron
of art was delighted, paid the bill, and
the picture hung in his parlor in this
city for 3 long. ime.-NewH Haven Regis
ter.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
rnlE rnnz.HEss.


This In the wheat
The wheat well grown, mana lawful spoTl
The new-plucked fruit OF patient toll;
Pledge me the farmers sinewy hand
His goodly acres waiting stand;
Pledge me the hands his s5rce can Weld
To pillow, to SOW, to reap the field ii
BruiSe the bright heads and break them sorat
Scatter the chat from door to door,
Show me the kernel sound and sweet
The nations bread, the winnowed wheati
This il the fail
The noisy fail, whose loud uproaE
Weara the oaken th~reshing-door: =
A measured beat q rigging round,
A hardened resonance Of soundi :
TIT long, low scaffolds WAX and wane,
Drop down the sheaves Of garuered grain,
And empty, careless, laughter-wild,
The yellow straw Is loosely piled.
Those level crashings tell the tale-
Swing round the fail the mighty aAnl
These are the mem
rhe men who cleave, with sturdy stroka,
The fallen giants heart Of OAK,
Now build Tor life and lies demands,
And fiji with bread the waiting lands.
Clash rhyme with rhyme, thu thresherSp song
Deal blows on blows, strike loud and long;
The wrench Of hunger drives at length
The iron Of uByielding strength;
Weld the bent blade-agsin, again,
And serve the puny race Of meDt
Elains Goodde IN the Criitc.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
Opium Smoking,

San Francisco is not of the opinion
that the article in the new Chinese treaty
prohibiting citizens of either country
from importing opium here, and vessels
flying the flag of either nation from
carrying it, will destroy the trade in this
article. Opium smoking, on the Pacific
coast, is not confined to the Chinese, for
American youths have acquired the
habit. Sayso one of the importers: "The
Chinese will get it, if it is on the top of
the earth"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
Opinions Of the Press on Kissing.

The subioined "Opinions of the Press
on Kissing" relate to the text which tells
us that "Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted
up his voice and wept:'' /
If Rachel was q pretty girl and kept
her face clean, we can't see what Jacob
had to cry about-Daily Telegraph.
How do you know but that she slap
ped his face for him.. Y. M. C. As
socidtion WeUs.
The cause of Jacobs weeping was the
refusal of Rachel to allow him to kiss her
again.-Nonconformist
1t is our opinion that Jacob wept be-
he had not kissed Rachel before,
and wept for the time lost.-National
Reforn1er.
The fellow wept because the girl did
not kiss him.-PoH Natl Gazette.
jacob wept because, Rachel told him
to do.it again and he was afraid to-
Methodist Recorder.
Jacob cried because she threatened to
tell her mother Christian World.
Jacob wept because there was only
M Rachel to kiss.-Southerr News.
He wept for joy, because it tasted SC
good.--Jevish Chronicle.
We think Jacob cried because Rachel
had been eating onions.-Stdndard.
A mistake. Not his eyes, but his
mouth watered Chronicle.
Our opinion is that Jacob wept because
he found it was not half what it was
cracked up to be. -Manchester Er.
Gmi1er.
Jacob thought it was a fast color, and
wept to find the paint come of.-FFne
Art Gazette.
He was a fool. He did not know what
was good for him.-SatMrday ReUieW
Jacob thought she might have a big
brother. Church Times.
Because there was nc time for another
-tSt0ord uItd IF0UeL.-
When Jacob lifted up his voice anc
wept, he found he could not get it al
high as he ~expected.-Musical Notes.
Weeping is not unfrequently causet
by extreme pleasure, JOY, happiness: i
might have been SO in Jacobs case
Hardwick's Science Gossip.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05

WONDER if the wretched old bachelors
who get together to growl over the way
women are swindled by their dressmakers
and milliners realize that shirts made to
order for So apiece cost but sixty or
eighty cents, and So necktie really rep
resents but seventy-fye cents worth Of
labor and material.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05

'rFor ten years my wife was confined to her
bed with such . complication, Of ailments that
no doctor could tell what was the matter or
cure her, and used upa small fortune in hum
bug stuff. Six months ago I saw a U. s. flag
be a fool one more. I tried it, but my folly
proved to be wisdom. Two bottles cured her,
she is now as well and strong as anyman's wife,
and it cost me only two dollars. Be ye likewise
foolish. II. W.. Detroit. Mich.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
CURED OF INK

80 young friend of mine was cured of an in
satiable thirst for liquor, that had 80 Frustrated
ness. He was entirely cured by the use of Hop
Bitters. 1t allayed all that burning thirst; took
away the appetite for liquor; made his nerves
steady, and he has remaineda sober and steady
man for more than two years, and has no de-
sire to return to his cups, and I know of num-
Der of others that have been cured Of drinking
by it,"-From a leading R. R. Official, Chicago,
LII,
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05

PRoF. TIDY, in a paper read before the
London Chemical Society, restates, in
reply to DIR. Frankland, his firm convic-
ton that a fairly rapid river, having re-
ceived sewage in quantity not exceeding
one-twentieth Of its volume, regains its
purity after a run of few miles, and be-
comes wholesome and good for drink
in0
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05

WHEN putting away the silver tea or
coffee pot which is not used every day.
lay a little stick across the top under the
cover: this will allow fresh air to get in,
and will prevent mustiness; it will hen
be ready for use at any time, after having
first been thoroughly rinsed with boiling
water.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05

INDIGESTION, dyspepsia, nervous prostration
and all forms of general debility relieved by
taking MENsMAN's PEPToNIzED BEEF Tonic, the
only preparation of beef containing its entire
nutritious properties. 1t contains blood-mak-
ing, ~force-generating and DEMONSTRATING prop
critics; is invaluable In all enfeebled conditions,
whether the resalt of exhaustion, nervous pros
t~ration, overwork, or acute disease, particularly
il resulting from pulmonary complaints, Cas-
well, Hazard & Co., proprietors, New York.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05
CALABASH SAM.
why he cen.ea.es e Get H.shs Up and
Take n lsfffle walk.

Why He COnaeuled to Get Right I'D and
Take q 1itfle Walk.
Two hundred of the leading citizens Of
Gunnison City, Col, met in convention
on a street corner and adopted the fol-
lowing resolution:
Resolued, That a committee of five be
appointed to wait upon Calabash Sam,
late of Deadwood, and inform him that
after sunrise tomorrow this crowd will
furnishing q corpse for our new grave
yard.
The committee Of five went out to find
Samuel and deliver their message. He
! sat on a bench at the door of his shnnty,
a shotgun across his knees and a pipe in
his mouth, and he preserved silence
while the chairman of the COM
mittee read the resolution. Then he
said:
saThat means me, does it :"
"She does"
.'They don't like my stile of carving
and shooting, eh?"
"Thats whatthey kick on"
swell, won't go. You haven't got
'nuf men in the whole valley to drive
Calabash Sam rod. Return to the CON
vention and report that I'm here for the
season."
81 forgot to menshun," continued the
chairman, in q careless voice, as he
leaned on his gun, 81 forgot to menshun
that the convenshun has adjourned.
The committee thus finds itself in an
embarrassing situation and it sees only
one way out of it: .Onless you'll agree
to pick up and travel this committee will
feel called upon toto"
senO baoin shooting Won moan 81
F"Exactly, Samuel, exactly? You may
have already observed that two of the
committee have got the drop on you"
81 see." @
"Corpses which are riddled with buck
shot have q very unpleasant look" con-
tinued the chairman, as he rested his
chin on the muzzle of his gun.
"sYes, that's so."'
se.And it's kinder lonesome, this being
the first plant in q new burrying
ground"
eyes, it may be-"
r.And so, taking it all around, the COM
mittee kinder INDUCES in the hope that
you'll see fit to carry your valuable So
eiety back to the Black Hills. You may
have observed that three shot-guns, each
under full cock, arenow looking straight
at we. We don't wantsto bluff, but it's
Citing nigh supper time"
swell, after looking the matter all
over, In convinced that these diggins
won'tpan out low-grade ore, and 1 guess
I'll take a walk"
Fright off,"
eyes"
"Right up this trail?"
eyes"
Every well. While the COMMITTEES
feels sorry to see you go, and wishes you
all sorts Of luck, it hasn't time to shake
hands. Step off, now, and for fear you
amt used to walking, we'll keep these
guns pinted up the hill until you turn
the half-mile boulder. Train-marchl"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05

A LADY friend of OURS called the other
day and stated that her husband had
seen st. Jacobs Oil advertised in our
paper; he used it for rheumatism, and
was convinced of its. merits.-Cana-
bridgeport (Mass.) american Protest.
nalf
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05

ONE Remedy for One Dollar-Thereis but one
way to cure badness, and that is by using CAR
BoL1NE, q deodorized extract of petroleum, the
natural hair remover. 1t will positively do the
work, d it is the only article that will.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05

Mrs. ADAM GRUBB, 231 Walnut street,
has been a great sufferer for q number of
years from extreme pain in the feet,
something like rheumatism. She was
also very much troubled with corns and
bunions. 1t was with great difficulty
that she could walk, and sometimes when
she would visit her husbands shoe store
or any of her children, she could not
get home again without assistance, and
often when she was walking along the
streets she would be seized with such
acute pain that she was compelled to
stop in at the neighbors on the way un-
til she got better. Some two weeks ago
she heard of the wonderful cures st.
Jacobs Oil was effecting, and she at once
commenced to use it, and experienced
great relief Immediately. The pains
have left her feet. and ankles, and the
inflammation has left the corns and bun
ions. She is now tripping up to her
husbands shoe store and out to see her
children without experiencing any pain.
: Wilmington (DeL.) Daily Repu6-
/JnnT1
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05

A SYRACUSE woman has obtained 5000
damages from a pool-room keeper for the
ruination of her SOL It is an important
decision.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-05

Fair WARNING From q Reliable Warner.
Don't neglect your health when Warmers Safe
Kidney and Liver Cure will surely preserve it.