The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-06-16
HUMOR OF THE DAY

Current topics usually run to seed.
Did you ever see q lemon-aide-de-
camp?
One half the world doesn't know how
the other half lies about it.
OF all the attachments of sewing
machine the feller is most pleasing to
the girls.
Haman must have had very quick
temper At least we read that he was
very high strung. Rome Sentinel.
Root of all evil: "You are not fond
of money for itself ?" ooh, no." said
Johnssonburg; 81 am fond of it for my
self"
1t begins to look as though the next
worlds fair would have to be held in the
next world if anywhere. philadelphia
Chronicle.
A suspicious package, addressed TO
Alexander Ill, was opened and found
to contain an American cigarette
LooceH journal.
The man who can see sermons in run
ming brooks is most apt to go and look
for them on Sundays when trout are
biting.-Picoyune.
One artist claims to have got GAO
different positions from the same model
a man. Presume the model had
boil.-BoSton Post.
A lady who drew a gentleman's dress
ing-gown at O recent church fair now
wishes to draw good-looking young
man to put in it.
In Russia "hello" is rendered "Tzi-
iakanfitkrajanjan8ski;" hence the tele-
phone can never be introduced into that
country.-Modern Argo.
Ought not a picture dealer I be
man of picturesque appearance. nave
fine frame and be able to canvass sue
cessfully ?-Philadelphia Item.
The difference between a cat and a
comma is that one has the claws at the
end of the paws, while the other has
the pause at the end of the clause.
A tree in this neighborhood has thir-
teen rings around it, and yet it is only
six months old. An urchin did it with
his little hatchet.-Neoc York Dispatch.
A New York paper says that in that
city crying at weddings has+gone out of
fashion. In Chicago the father of the
bride does the crying when he comes to
settle the bills.-NelO York Graphic.
An intelligent lady asked sculptor
who was about completing the figure of
Lamb: "Did you cut out that animal ?"
"Oh, no" said the artist, "the lamb
has been there all the time; only took
the marble from around him."
There are not more than 800 profess
! sional burglars in America, and yet to
keep them out of our homes we pay
5000, 600 per year for locks, bolts and
fasteners. Ten thousand dollars apiece
per year would hire them to be good
Free Press.
At twenty man is sure that he
knows everything; at thirty he begins
to have grave doubts; at forty he knows
that there are some things he don't
know; at fifty he is certain that he will
never again know as much as he once
knew.
| Eyes, your Augustus is fraudp'
Said Sue to Arabella.
A iraudv' said Belle " / can't afford
| To hear that of my feller!
He's true and tried and good beside,
And delicate and dainty"
| "Ah, yes! but then" Miss Sue replied
Hes sort Of beau-Gus, amt he2"
-YOnkeTs Gazette.
When boy sees big hornets nest
depending from the branch of tree he
is not satisfied that it is loaded until he
hits it with stone. He would rather
heave rock at it than to have five dol
lars. Tn few seconds he would rather
five dollars that he hadn't heaved the
rock.-NmTiStolcn Herald.
Politeness Gilhooly tied his pony to
a fence railing on Austin avenue. The
owner of the premises came up to him
and said; "You freckle-faced fraud, if
you don't unite that horse I'll fan the
air with your ungainly carcass" "You
must excuse me, sir" responded Gill
hcoly, "but am a stranger and did
net know there would be any objec-
tion." "You addle- -pated outcast, don't
you suppose / know you are stranger
That's why I talk politely to you, you
goggle-eyed outcast that's why 1 don't
talk rough to you."-GalcestOn Ne'cs.