Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1881-09-08
LADY PHYSICIANS.
why II will Never Do to Call
Them for a Very Sick Man.

tPeck's SUM-
A st. Louis doctor factory recently
turned out dozen female doctors. As
long as the female doctors were confined
to one or two in the whole country, and
those were only experimental, we held
our peace and did not complain; but
now that the colleges are engaged in
producing female doctors as business
we must protest, and in 50 doing will
give a few reasons why female doctors
will not prove paying branch of indus
try.
In the first place, if they doctor any
body it must be women, and three
fourths of the women, would rather
have male doctor. Suppose those col
leges turn out female doctors until there
are as many of them as there are male
doctors, what have they got to practice on.
A man, if there was nothing the mat
ter with him, might call in female doc
tor, but if he was sick as horse (if a
man is sick he is sick as horse), the
last thing he would have around would
be a female doctor. And why? Be-
cause, when a man has female fum-
bling around him he wants to feel we'll.
He don't want to be bilious or feverish,
with his mouth tasting like cheese, and
his eyes blood-shot, when the female is
looking him over and taking account of
stock
OF course, these female doctors are all
young and good looking, and if one of
them came into a sick room where a
man was in bed, and he had chills, and
was as cold as a wedge, and she should
sit up close to the side of the bed and
take hold of his hand, his pulse would
run up to $50, and she would prescribe
for fever when he had chilblains.
Oh, you can't fool US on female doc.
tors A man who has been sick, and
had male doctors, knows just how much
he would like to have female doctor
come tripping in and throw her fur
lined cloak over chair, take off her hat
and gloves and throw them on lounge,
and come up to the bed with pair of
marine blue eyes, with twinkle in the
corner, and look him in the wild, change
able eyes, and ask him to run out his
tongue Suppose he knew his tongue
was coated so it looked like yellow
Turkish towel, do you suppose he would
want to run out over 5 or 6 inches of the
lower part of it and let that female doc.
tor put her finger on it to see how fur.
red it was? Not much. He would put
that tongue up into his cheek, and
wouldn't let her see it for 25 cents ad.
mission.
We have all seen doctors put their
hands under the bed clothes and feel OF
a mans feet to see if they were cold. II
a female doctor should do that it would
give a man cramps in the legs. A male
doctor can put his hand on a mans
stomach, and liver and lungs, and ask
him if he feels any pain there; but if a
female doctor should do the same thing
it would make a man sick, and he would
want to get up and kick himself for EN-.
ploying female doctor. Oh, there is
no use talking, it would kill a man.
Now, suppose a man has heart dis.
ease, and female doctor should want
to listen to the beating of his heart
She would lay her left ear on his lef,
breast, so her eyes and rosebud mouth
would be looking right in his face, and
her wavy hair would be scattered all
around there, getting tangled in the but.
tons of his night shirt. Don't you sup
pose his heart would get in about twenty
extra beats to the minute? You bet
And she would smile-we will bet SIC
she would smile-and show her pearly
teeth, and the ripe lips would be work
ing as though she were counting the
beats, and he would think she was try
ing to whisper to him, and. Well
what would he be doing all this time:
If he was not dead yet, which would be
a wonder, his left hand would brush the
hair away from her temple and kind OF
stay there to keep the hair away, and
his right hand would get sort of nervous
and move around to the back of her
head, and when she had counted the
beats few minutes and was raising her
head he would draw the head up to him
and kiss her once for luck, if he was as
bilious as a Jersey swamp angel, and
have her charge it in the bill.
And then a reaction would set in, and
he would be as weak as a cat, and she
would have to fan him and rub his head
till he got over being nervous, and then
make out his prescription after he got
asleep. No; all of mans symptoms
change when a female doctor is prac-
ticing on him, and she would kill him
dead.