Smyrna times., 1881-03-09
WHOLE NO. l,3 40
Current Comment,
FHILApELPHIA EVENING VEws.

| syndicate
Grass is already growing in the streets Of
Mentor, Ohio.
Editors arc long lived class: they have
no time TO get sick.
lhe heavens weep over the departure of
our cold.water President
1t ia feared that the crop Of spring has
been touched by the frost.
Nothing is sure in this world. Even he
who marries at leisure raay repent in bs,te
Another advance in the price Of coal is
threatened. We advise Vennor to keen
his distance.
Evening funerals are likely to become
fashionable in Gotham, They won't inter.
fere with business
New Orleans has sent for Moody and
Sank"y to come down and help the people
to sober up. Mard Gras is over.
Some OF the Young women occasionally
seen on Chestnut street act like GO and
dress like 40. Forte means loud.
What is home where love is not?''
asks susceptible young poet. A home
where love is knot TO be very pleasant.
Rhode Island has passed thirty. eight
different dog laws in the course Of forty
years, one for each dog in the plantation.
Who was the idiot who first used the
phrase 'peor b,a honest parents" Could
there be better test of honesty than
poverty.
Rhode Island women will probably be al.
lowed to vote for school directors. This
will necessitate the purchase Of another
ballotbox
AS civilization triumphs over barbarsm
in far Western settlements, the pistol
gradually disappears from the belt into the
hip pocket,
1t is easy TO be New York editor. All
you have to do is to spin out column or
so day on dirty streets, John Kelly or
Jay Gould.
a Western paper spoke OF the 'cosmical
quality Of Bernhardt's performance, and all
its readers thought that queer way TO
spell cosmetical.
Brass bands are scarce in Nevada.-B3s.5n
Post. How much did the Neveda Society
for Encouragement Of Immigration pay von
for printing that item?
Garfield has keen sense Of humor, and
tickles him almost to death to see chronic
ofiics-seekers, trying to master the intri.
cate fastening of his front gate.
Professor Huxley has been appointed il.
spsctor OF fisheries. The English people
are determined to 9revent sportsmsn from
lying, if science can accomplish it.
| Brunson, South Carolina, people are re.
Viving the chivalrous sport of hunting
negroes with bloodhounds, flying thieves
being used instead of fugitive slaves.
Bloomington, Ill.,, has been holding pic.
MICS on the ice. The lemonade is supplied
by laying lemon in the middle of the
pond and building fire around it. Serve
sold.
Gould and Vanderbilt talk Of pooling
their issues With these two on one hand
and the rest of the country on the other it
will be difficult to see which will come ont
ahead.
New York is to have a cat show, and it
has been wisely decided to hold it right
away, before people begin to sleep with the
windows up. After that it might not be
popular.
Real estate in Philadelphia, which for
some time past exhibited signs Of decline
in prices, now shows an upward tendency.
-Er. True enough; the March winds
have begun.
John B. Cough is so anxious that good
example shall be set in the White House
for all future time, that he thinks of
spending the remainder Of his days lectur'
ing in Ohio.
The heart Of a man weighs about nine
ounces-that of q woman eight. This sx.
plains why it is that man who has given
his heart to u woman and received hers in
return, feels so lighthearted.
The travelling expenses of the 100000
drummers employed in the United States
amount to $l2O,0Oo,oOO year, exclusive of
salaries or commissions. That amount Of
money spent in advertising throughout the
country ought to sell all the goods that
wholesale firms could handle.
Ireland should get Jay Gould to consoli.
date with it and then see if England could
touch her. Every time an additional SOL
dier was sent to Ireland Gould could
manipulate the London markets until the
bankrupt money kings would sue for peace,
and, having no cash left, Parliament would
grant it.
Mardi Gras festivities appear to be pay.
ing institution to the people of New Or
leans. The Democrat Of that city estimates
the expenses attendant upon it to aggre'
gate $l50,O0O annually, of which fully one.
half is spent among the artists, artisans,
sewing.women, etc., Of the city, thus taking