Litchfield enquirer., 1881-12-22

A devil fish with arms thirty-two feet long has been caught on the banks of Newfound- land. What a cashier he would have made l Some men are so extremely careful about taking cold tffat they will lock themselves up in the back office for week to avoid drafts Never be at your place of business when a person wants to borrow money of you, because if you are in you will be out, but If you are out you will be in.S sSAs s7@ $ @ sS 2 Some women would rather clutch and hang to ballot-box than embrace the loveliest and most lovable baby in Christeu- dom. rl at E
 The shipments of Pennsylvanla kerosene to Manitoba have been enormons this year. We have not seensthe figures, but judge from the report that servant girls are. very scarce there. "A ,.-.s->-A " n--s~e---u, O., ran a pin into her foot, yelled ''Cuss it !'' and her husband left the house forever. Had he struck brick with his toe he would have raised everybodys hair for miles around. / 1 ~<I iI fH
 ''You have heard, my love, that Amanda is about to marry Arthur ?" ''I know it, but what l can't understand is that woman as intelligent as she is can consent to n.arry man stupid enough to marry her."
 MT. Damit lives in Illinois He was re- gently called for by crowd for a speech, and stranger in town, who heard the call, thought the supply of rum in town must have given out, and asked when the next train left Somebody has started the rather improbable story that bug IS now eating up the anthra- cite coal crop If that bug would set to work and eat up the men who charge $5 5O .on for the same, it would please us better,
 A ;c ho;p CTS by the New Haven railroad for the setting apart of the devotioned purposes of the last car on every morning city bound train. Is is the last car more unsafe than the others "A Wisconsin man stole thirty nine sheen and asteer, but the warrant charged him with stealing thirty-nine steers and a sheep, and he left the court room with all his reputation re- stored. F Some prving person has discovered that a postal card received in Lawrence Mass, one day, last week, read: ''A-is Geten weel Niesley Got the Medson al rite. hop you R al Whel."
 The Atlanta Constitution sees the time ap- preaching when the demagogue will step sto the front. If the demagogue has been any where else than at the front for the last fifteen years we'd like to know where the rear of this thing IS. -,-s ts';--lssgs@ ssssssas~ A@ :
 "Come, said one of a couple Of lawyers, sauntering through the new law courts in Melbourne the other day. "Let's take look at-what is to be the new court" Y es, said the other, lets view the ground where we shall shortly lie." ~s -,
 A Pennsylvania grand jury recently indict. ed a man for stealing an umbrella, and later fhax ont If fho i,,rz and observed that it had comeon to rain, they gazed at lot of umbrellas that stood in rack and muttered softly 10 themselves :~e..'What a fool fool isl" sss
 "Whewi Coming up these stairs takes the wind out of me, remarks the gentleman who climbs to the editorial rooms to give advice about running the paper. ..So glad, says the editor, shaking him by the hand, and the gen tleman thinks the editor is delighted to Ssee him
 The pastor of the Congregational church at Stratford, Conn.,, used the revised New Tes- lament, but the officers sent him written or der to return to the King James version. They could not find any satisfaction in thinking that their. wicked neighbors were going to such comfortably abstract sort of place as hades. f1E6 Sse
 ''The President has developed the highest qualities of constitutional rstatesmansilip. were the words that little Miltides Marrow fat read from the paper he was holding. and then added. ''What does that mean pop P" ''It means, my boy," explained Mir. Marrow fat, 'that the editor is probably postmaster and feels agreeas,y disapp)inted that he hasn't been turned out"
 se An individual with dreamy eyes and un- steady gait leaned against the post office yes terday and backoning to boot black, called out: Boy, black em boots. "~ ..Pay in ad- vance, ? replied the lad as he held out his hand ~ T won't. ''s ''Then I won't shine" Shay, boy" continued the man after getting new brace for his back, ''zo you (hic) doubt n hones'yf" ''No, sir. replied the boy, ''its your whiskey I'm suspicious of feH
 When Middle,ons boy was led out into the woodshed to receive perental discipline for punching the head of 8 neighbours son, the old gentleman anticipated the regular pro- ceedings of the meeting by the remark "You've been licked for this sort of thing be. fore, and know what to expect" "Yes,'' whimpered the cuprit, tI know did wrong. but. couldn't help it. 1 Ihad an inspiration" So had his father 1; and he fulfilled it with a trunk strap. V enaeyA xs1kAf9 10
 One day Thad Stevens was practising in the Carilse courts and he didn like the ruling of the spresiding judge. A second time the judge rule against { old Thaa, i" when the old man got up with scarlet face and quivering lips. and commenced trying up his papers as if to quit the court room. s'Do understand. MT. Stevens. asked the judge, eyeing .'old Thad" indignantly, ''do understand that you wish to showyonr contempt of this court P" s..No. sir L Do, sir ',sreplied" " old Thad, l" II don't want to show my contempt. sir; I'm trying to conceal it 1"
 Alderman Tucker, Boston, says you may state that have paid for medicine and treat ment in % years $3,O00, without receiving permanent benefit Entirely cured of his dis ease (salt rheum) by Cuticura Remedies
 H. E. Carpenter, Esq, Henderson, N. r., cured of Psoriasis or Leprosy, of twenty years standing, by the Cuticura Reselvent internal ly, and Cuticura and Cutlcura Soap external