The Portland daily press., 1881-07-13
1Chamhers,s .Ionrnal L
The COcknev.

There was Cockney, as they calls them
London chaps. OF course, don't mean no
disrespect to you, because, although you lives
there yourself, you hain't exactly one of 'em,
seeing as you was bred and born in our county.
Well, he-this ERE Cockney-come down here
about one of these ere nasty railroads No,
Sir, never rode in one of them trains, nor 1
don't mean to as long as L can ride in my old
gig; and when can't no more, why, I'll walk
to market. Well, then this ere Cockney was
staying in the next viilage-the folks there
call it town because it's bit bigger than
our'n-and the Squire, living as he did half
way between the two places, only about mile
apart, and being hospitable, kind-hearted
man, took notice OF this ERE Cockney, and
asked him to dinner, and so on. A cleyerish
sort OF chap he was, by his own account; and
talk! Well, he could talk for certain! He
could do this, and that, and t'other; and
made US all feel we was nobodies, and knowed
nothing and could do nothing-Shoot! Why,
nothing with fur or feathers could live, if it
got up before his gun. At last the Squire got
on his mettle, and challenged him to go out
with him on the 1st, and made an agreement
with him for e5 side who should make the
heaviest bag, and whatever one shot the other
was to carry. Well, there was a goodish party
of us started, but only the Squire and Mr..
Cockney was to shoot; so about O'Clock in the
morning off we all went, and the Squire good
naturedly gave the Cockney first chance.
Bang, bang, one barrel after t'other, he went;
but nothing dropped. Then the Squire pulled
trigger, and fetched down bird with each
barrel, for he was fairish shot. The Cock
ney made some excuse for missing, but there,
we could soon see he could do nothing, while
the Squire hardly missed shot; and as the
bargain was that what one shot the other
should carry, Mr.. Cockney toward lunch time
was very glad to be eased of his load. He
made good fight of it, however, and made up
for his bad shooting by his talking. But by 4
o'clock he had as much as he could well carry,
and as the Squire always, like the sportsman
he was, made it rule not to shoot after this
hour, we started for home The poor Cockney
went staggering along with the Squire's bag;
and can tell you it was pretty heavy, and he
looked regular done up, for it was a hottish
day. Well, we had got pretty nigh home, and
were going through the little paddock close to
the Squire's house, and one had asked the
Cockney if he could hit hayrick or a barn,
and such like chaff was going on, when we
came across goodish-sized calf as had been
caperlng round the paddock, and all at once
come and stood stock-stlll within few yards
OF the Cockney, and was just going off for
another scamper, when Mr.. CockneY turned
sharp round and let fly both barrels, one after
t'other, bang! bang! and shot the calf dead as
hammer, and says to the Squire: ''Now,
dang it, carry that" Larf! Lor' o massy on
us, how we did larf to be sure, and the Squire
most OF all, though he lost the wager; for you
see, Sir, the bargain was that which of the
two made the heaviest bag was to be the win
ner; and, good as the Squirrels was, the calf
1outweighed his'n. But there he managed to
get it up, but could hardly stasger under it
for larting. So, you see, Sir, the Cockney
made up for his Dragging by his 'cuteness. 1t
was smart trick, wasn't it, Sir? And 1 al
ways larfs when thinks ON it.