The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-08-19
Bottled Tears.

The ceremic painting craze still holds its
rernorseless grip on ladies who so in for
high art, but the great drawback now is to
think up something new to paint. Panels,
screens. belts. handkerchief boxes and
pieces q pottery of all kinds, have been
painted until m many houses there Is
hardly standing room left. Everything
that it was appropriate to paint has re-
ceived from one to one hundred and fifty
coats, and from one to one hundred and
fifty things that no one with any sense
would think of painting have been
daubed and ''fired" until the head of the
family in desperation, has fired them
through the window. The painted
handkerchief is provided with a
painted Eox, resting on a painted tidy on
a painted bracket, and covered with q
painted panoply 4 painted CRATE, With
painted andirons, tongs, FIRE shovel and
coal scuttle, is fed with painted humps OF
coal, and the heat is screened with a
painted screen. Every article of crock
cry il rendered brilliant with tall storks
feeding on bull-rushes and cat-tail flags,
or emblazoned with Japanese joss houses,
iunks and paper parasols. Chairs and
settees are painted with dragons,
sphin7es. enomes and sprites, and peo-
pie have been sitting on the style Mary,
because there was no other place to sit
But the very latest, up to the hour of
going to press, is painted ''tear bottles.
For centuries there has been absolutely
nothing to catch tears in, when a girl
desired to sit down and have good cry.
How on earth this has come to be over
looked is not simply astonishing; it is
astounding. Hitherto expensive hand
kerchiefs have been drenched, and their
value nearly destroyed, on account Of
the sorrowing person being obliged to
run to the door every few minutes and
wiring them out. If the person happened
to be copious weeper and her sadness
of a great and overshadowing nature,
like the loss Of a. thirteen ounce poodle,
not only would the handkerchief be
ruined, but all evidence of the feelings
of the afflicted one over the calamity
would be obliterated-wrung out IN the
gutter and carried away into the sewers.
It is proposed now to retain these blessed
mementoes in bottles, for future refer
ence, and it is certainly beautiful SEN
timent Elegantly painted bottles, stand
ing in rows ON painted shelves provided
expressly for them, will hereafter form
principal features in lady's bOndOir-
showing the rainfall for the year through
out large portion of the Northwest.
The decanters viii be labeled aPpropri-
ately, "On the death of poor Carlo,
son seeing the hateful Maiidores i'll the
lovliest of bonpets." etc. These tender
tokens of past SORROWS will be useful as
well as sentimental, and in case the SIN
cerity of the lady's grief is ever called III
| question, on the occasion of the death of
her poodle or her husband, she can set
out the bottle containing the tears shed
at the time, and silent the venomous
tongue of SANDER Bottled tears, not
for export, but for home use, will also
have commercial value, and can be
placed in evidence in court of justice,
on an action for breach of promise. A
painted three gallon jug of tears would
assuredly go far with jury in deter
mining the amount of damages to be
awarded. Lawyers, who contemplate
bringing an action for libel against
newspaper, should also keep tear bot
tie, showing how they felt at the time.
The bottling of tears promises to become
an important industry, at no distant day,
and take rank with the canned goods in
| terest, and picked cucumbers.-Peck's
Sam