Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-01-12
FUNNYGRAPHS.

|
His back hair is his mc in trouble.
1t does not improve potato to have
specks on its eyes.-Bostoae Transcript.
A FALL in wheat goes against the
gram OF speculator who has bought
for rise.-LOaOeU Courier.
VEGETABLE soup is composed of car
rots, and other things thrown in.-NeaU
Orleans Picayhne.
"SAY, mamma, when Vesuvius has
an eruption do they give it sulphur as
they do me %
IT is understood that Jay Gould found
a railroad in his stocking Christmas
morning.
The letter "E is like many men. It
is first in everything, and ends in smoke.
Boston Transcript.
The fatted calf was killed that for
giving father might reveal his feelings
toward a prodigal son.
AN insane physician poisoned two
men to death at Lyon, Mimi. before bis
malady was discovered.
The man who knows you well may
forget all about you wien you are sick.
--NeaO Orleans Pic0yata1e.
The man who is "fond of his little
joke y is rarely fond of another's joke,
little or ig.-BostOn Transcript
The Ohio man who has greatness
thrust upon him should learn to dodge.
Cincinnati Commercial.
A NEW ENGLAND lady asked pub
Usher whether his prints would wash. -
NeaO York Herald.
The man whose lager went the wrong
way said he had an ale in his coughin'
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
A MAN ought to know what an attempt
to bride is. If he does not, he is no
Judge.
WE never yet came across a genuine
Egyptian mummy that appeared in any
pressed for time. Yo2Eers Statesman
A LONDON hat manufacturer claims
for himself the title of Universal Sym
pathizer," because, he says, he has felt
| for every one.
A SCOTCH paper is responsible for this:
"Why cannot pantomimist tickle nine
auditors at once? Because he can GEES
ticulate Gust tickle eigh)."
GETTING up in the NJ orning is like get
ting up In the world. You cannot do
either without more CT less self-denial. =
Boston Globe.
SIS brown bread intoxicating?" asks
a correspondent That depends on its
age. IF it's old enough it will make
man staggervery quick. Boston Globe.
A. YOUNG man IN love is not necessarily
a mathematician, but is nearly always
sigh for her. If you can't cipher this
out we sigh for you.
A LONDON cabman called out after
smart, dapper little gentleman who af-
fects particularly large hats, "Come out
of that at, will yer? I knows yer in it,
'cos / sees yer feet.
TIE world is like a skating park, nice
when you can slide smoothly over it's
surface, but cruel and cold to sit down
on when you get your feet knocked from
under you Whitehall Times.
CABBY-''I want sixpence more, yer
Honor" Fare, escorting very fat young
lady" How do you explain that?''
Cabby-" Well, two miles is a shillin',
and then the Miss is as good as mile.
THERE are apparently just two men in
this republic who are not intensely ex-
| cited over the formation of Garfeld's
cabinet. s'We" are one and Gen. Gar
field appears to be the other.-HaaOkeye.
Mrs. GARFIELD, 1t is reported, will
keep cow when she moves to Washing
ton It will be rough on James to make
him not only kindie the fire, but also to
milk: Better patronize milkman,
mother. Boston Globe.
GA PAIR of woFsted slippers, y remark
ed Jones, as he picked himself up from
the icy walk and rubbed his bruises, to
Pend rgast, who was engaged in the
same laudable undertaking. = Boston
Transcript
LITTLE boys out skating forget that
frozen ponds and rivers must have air
holes Many families have lost pair of
skates and little boy through ignor-
annce-and hole in the ice.-Neav Or
teG7asP ic0yat4ae.
COMPASSIONATE old lady (paying her
fare)-'. How jaded your horses look,
cabman; is not the bit. uncomfortable
large for his mouth % Cabby-'s It amt
the big bit in his mouth, mum; it's the
small bit in his stomach, the result of
hard times, mum.
A YoUNGsTER, while warming his
hands at the fire, was demonstrated with
by his father, who said: s. Go away from
! tuS uIc-tuc W0dtlleT Is uOU COIu Il
amt heating the weather; I'm warming
my hands," the little fellow demurely
replied.-Neao York Express.
ONE who has been at big Christmas
dinner thus discourses: Zone dreams
for weeks of the Christmas dinner, but
during the night that follows every ami
NAL in Noah's ark become part OF the
nightmare, and helps to hold such
demoniac Jubilee that he wishes for
Jonah's whale to swallow him and get
him out of the way" Such is the DIFF
ference between anticipation and reality
AN undergraduate was summoned be-
fore one of the Dons for not attending
| 7 o'clock morning chapel. Sir, said
the Don, "Let me hear what you have
to say in excuse for your persistent alb
sence from morning prayers. "Sir,'
replied the delinquent, : the service is