Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-11-10
Anmoraas RepastMent.
AOUAFORTIS AS A BEVERAGE.


Jersey, some years ago, there resided an old
fellow who was familiarly known in the town
and country around as "Old joe" He
had no particular occupation except doing
"chores" or errands-nor any particular 10.
cation. He ate where he could get bite,
and slept wherever he could find lodging
place. Joe was regular old topper, and
Jersey lightning had no more effect on his
insides than so much water. He generally
made his headquarters at the lower tavern,
for there were two in the town. He would
sleep and doze away the afternoon on an old
bench in one corner of the bar.room, but
was always awake when there was any drink.
ing going on. When he was not asked to
drink, he would slip to the bar and drain the
glasses of the few drops left in them. One
afternoon Dr. Bolus, the village physician,
was in the tavern mixing up preparation.
He placed a tumbler half full of oquatortis
on the bar and turned around to mix up
some other ingredients. A few moments
after he had occasion to use the poisonous
drug, when he found, to his dismay, that the
tlmbler had been drained to the last drop.
"Mr. Wiggins," exclaimed the doctor in af.
fright, to the landlord, "what has become OF
the aquqtortis put on the bar few mo-
ments ago?"
81 don't know" replied the landlord, Gun
less Old Joe slipped in and drank it."
In this suspicion they were soon confirm
ed, for the hostler said he had seen Old Joe
swallow the fatal draught. The doctor,
knowing that he must certainly die after
such dose, instituted a search at once At
ter some hours spent in looking through the
barns, outhouses and woods, for three or four
miles around the village, Joe was abandoned
to his fate. 1t was cold night, and as the
village topers assembled around the blazing
hickory fire in the bar.room, nothing was
thought of or talked of but the. unfortunate
end of poor Old Joe. Some four days had
elapsed, and nothing having been heard
from Old Joe, they all came to the conclu-
sion that he was goner. The doctor, about
this time, having occasion to visit patient
some eight miles distant, what was his sur
prise, when about five miles from the village,
to see Old Joe in front of farmers house,
splitting wood.
"Why, Joe," said the doctor riding up to
the fence, 81 thought you were dead and bu-
ried before this?"
"Why, what made you think that, Doc
tor ?" said Joe, leaning on his axe-handle.
Didn't you drink that dose left on old
Wiggins' bar a few days since ?"
"Yes," replied Joe, half ashamed to own it.
do you know what it was ?" asked the
doctor.
"No!' returned Joe.
"Why, it was oquatortis-enough to kill
dozen men!'
"Well, now, Doctor, did you know that
thought there was something queer about
that darned stuff, for after drank it, every
time I blowed my nose, burned q hole in my
pocket handkerchief"
THE CLERICAL K1ss.-Quite different, but
not less satisfactory experience of Dominic
Brown. He had reached the mature age Of
FIVE and forty, without ever having taken
part in this pleasant exercise.
One of his deacons had very charming
daughter and for year or two the Dominic
found it very pleasant to call upon her three
or four times week. In fact, all the neigh
bors said be was courting her, and very
likely he was, though he had not the slightest
suspicion of it himself.
One Monday evening he was sitting as
usual by her, when a sudden idea popped in
to his head.
"Miss Mary" said he, "I've known you a
Tong time, and I never thought of such a
thing before; but now would like you to
give me a kiss. Will you ?"
"Well, Mr.. Brown" replied she, arching
her lips in a tempting way, ''if you think it
would not be wrong, I have no objections y
Let US ask blessing 6rst," said the good
man, closing his eyes and folding his hands
"For what we are about to receive, the Lord
make us thankful"
The chaste salute was then given and WIN
ly returned.
"Oh Mary, that was good, let US have an
other and return thanks"
Mary did not refuse; and when the ope'
ration had been repeated, the Dominic ejacu'
lated in transport Of joy:
For the comforts which we have now en-
joyed, the Lord be praised, and may they be
sancti6ed to our temporal and eternal good"
History says that the fervent petition o1
the honest Dominic was duly answered; for
in less than month Mary became Mrs
Brown.