davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Osage Valley banner. (Tuscumbia, Miller County, Mo.) 1879-1881, 1881-04-07
Cremation.

The Cremation Society of the City of
Berlin, Germany, has published its an.
nual report for the year 1880, from
which it appears that the number OF
members increased from tbirty-three to
l07, and that the applications for nom
bership are coming in fast. The report
also states that IL Is not merely the OBJ
Jet OF the Society to cremate hmman
bodies, hpt also to prevent the dreadful
danger of burying persons alive Sci
eniltie authorities, rs well as practicing
physicians, have proven the fact that
there is but one positively certain sign
that death has occurred, and that is
general decomposition of the body; all
other signs are. without any exception.
very prohlematical. and no absolute re-
lance can be placed ON them. In
stances are on record where people in
state of trance did not awake even
when their skins were burned with rcd
hot iron rods II the pulse is entirely
'imperceptible, ii breathing has appa-
rently ceased altogether even to the ex-
amining physician, If the limbs are stiff
and cold, ii the opening of a vein draws
no blood--still these signs are not sure
aud reliable proof of death, and the
possibility still exists that the patient is
lying inarance. The indications OF gen
ersl decomposition do not appear ON
many corpses until long after the legal
limit of three days, which the body
must be kept after death, has expired,
From scientific sources we know that,
in the, course of twenty-five years, there
were $50 cases of trance discovered in
Amsterdam; In Hamburg, l07 in five
years; in New York. six out of 200
(half per cent were found in trance;
the Humane Society in London has dur
ing twenty-five years restored 8, l70
persons who were in trance to life.
DR. Bomber, OF Paris, mentions fifty
three instances during his practice in
that city whare the bodies showed signs
OF returning lite while they were in
their collins. The remains in fifty-two
collins dug up in two condemned and
abandoned graveyards inside the limits
of the City of Paris showed unmistaka-
bic signs Of having been buried alive.
This fact becomes evident when the
remains in the coffin are found in a
position which demonstrates the des-
perate exeTtlons made to gain freedom
from the terrible Imprisonment. II the
figures in the case OF New York above
mentioned are applied TO Germany
there would be about l5I persons buried
alive annually in that country. - Chicago
GTi6tlne.
Osage Valley banner. (Tuscumbia, Miller County, Mo.) 1879-1881, 1881-04-07
The LIon ana lhe JackaI,-A FabIe.

One day n Hyeua, who was out of n
job and had n buzz-saw feeling towards
all the world, met Jackal on the plain
and began;
Searching for old bones and leav.
ings. presumePn
Yes, was the humble reply. "As
! am not able TO kill for myself must
eat after others have been satisfied /
am, however, fat. healthy and in good
spirits
"See here continued the Hyena, as
he sat down in the shade, "you have
just as much right TO be Lion as the
Lion has, see no reason why he
should live of the fat OF the land and
you of the bones"
II never thought of that before, "
mused the Jackal.
Well, you are very foolish 90 be
hunting bones when you might as well
be Lion. wouldn't stand It if were
you"
The Jackal thought the matter over.
and went TO Lion that dwelt on the
hillside and said;
Il have Just as good a right TO DO
Lion as you have"
II second the motion;" was the grave
reply.
And I'm going to be, too.m
"Bully for your growled the king OF
beasts
"And win you tell me how to be-
gin?m
Certainly. Take this path over the
hill, and whenever You meet an animal
you must paw and roar and net as near
like me as you can"
The Jackal moved away in high spir-
its, and had not gone far before he met
troop of his kind. He began to paw
and roar and swell up, and when he had
tired himself out, the leaderof the troop
came forward and said
Any fool can see that you are moth
ing but Jackal, but since YOU aspire
TO be Lion we can have no feelings
with yon. Go your way and keep clear
ofusn
The Jackal found himself Knocked
about by the Lions as base impostor,
and Stunned by his kind rs unworthy
of friendship, and between the two fires
he could neither XIII for himself nor cat
OF what others had slain He WAS
brought low with starvation and de-
spair and as the vulturos gathered
around him he said;
Even If | had succeeded in making
myself believe | was Lion, these birds
would have known by the meat that
was Jackal
Moral: -You must appear to be what
you are to have the confidence of friends
or respect of foes. Storc-clothes only
deceive the eye.
Osage Valley banner. (Tuscumbia, Miller County, Mo.) 1879-1881, 1881-04-07
No Ohance.

A man on whom the burdens of win
ter had left their mark entere an Office
ON Griswold street yesterday and
promptly inquired:
DO you want cashierP'
No, sir. -
"Or private seoretaryen
No, sir ~
Want a porterm
"No, Sir.
"Nant any body at the house to take
care OF your horSesPN
Haven any horses
WANT ans coal brought imp
Don I use coal.
"Want any wood sawedPn
"No; | board.
shall | sweep out your Office for a
quarterYn
Mo-
mo-
Zee! like lending me ten centsP"
Go nickel on mee'
"No.n
"Giyc me that stub Of a cigarpn
"No; IN smoking that
Think there's nny chance for me in
DetroitP"
"No.m
"All right; I'll leave it within half an
hour. Good day, sir
And he walked ont as stiff as poker,
- Detroit Free Press.
Osage Valley banner. (Tuscumbia, Miller County, Mo.) 1879-1881, 1881-04-07
HUMOROUS.

domestic animals are supposed 10
be dumb, yetwe have seen several dogs
in Syracuse that We're remarkable tall
ours. Syracuse lfueS.
1t is not the brilliant author, work.
ing,quietly with his pen, who makes the
most noise in the world, 1t is the po-
litieal stump speaker and the boiler
maker. AZ o, fieayaae.
Monday evening, February 2l,
young Baltimorean came rushing home
in byeathless haste. exclaiming; "Papa,
papa! George Washington is dead, and
there'snoschool tomorrow, = Baltimore
Presb9teriUl.
There is hog in Ohio which is
fifty years old. This must be ancient
Greece ~ Puck There is a bottle Of
spirits in Kentucky that Is one hundred
aud seventy-four years old. This must
be ancient Rum. --AniericdR Queen. ~
The canary had begun to twitter a
little after lnonlting, but was unable TO
sing his entire tune. The little four
yearold, nfter listening 20 one OF the
bird 5 vain attempts 20 master his tune,
said very composedly, I" Mamma, birdie
only sang half a verse. ~ Rome sesIti.
heL
"A debating society has tackled the
questions rs it worse TO think you've
reached the top when there is one stair
more, than 20 think there Is one stair
moro when you've reached the top, aud
bring your foot down so hard that II
tinges for four hoursP''-- Boston Post.
~" only play by note, !" said plan,
list. "Seems TO me you could do more
execution II you would play by ear,n
remarked Fogg. "Snch a reach, you
know. And the pianist reached'f for
Fogg, who got himself out of the way
just in time Boston Transcript
"A Galveston darky rushed into q
doctors office and breathlessly OK
claimed; Come on, doctor, right Of
Dar is somebody in my house who is in
an awful 6x-laid up in bed agroanin'
and agroanin'n s'Mho Is itP'f - It's
me. You soc. boss. didn't hab nobody
10 send, so came myself. - Galveston
Nel0s.
Osage Valley banner. (Tuscumbia, Miller County, Mo.) 1879-1881, 1881-04-07
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.


--John G. Whittier win write the ode
for the Yorktown Centennial.
-Ex-Speaker Randall has resumed
bis legal practice in Philadelphia.
Meissonier's small picture, "On
the Balcony" was sold at New York
the other day for $3.50.
Rev. L. T.. Chamberlain read 1000
volumes Of Sunday-school literature To
make a selection Of GOO for school in
Norwich, Conn.
Bret Harte. in talking with friend
IN regard to his literary work, said: /"
assure you that l barely average $4,000
year"
Miss Harrison, who is now Lady
Arthur Hill, receives a royalty Of four
Thousand dollars year on her ballad,
"ln the Cleaning" She was former
ly governess.
Karl Gerhardt, Hartford draughts.
man, modelled so fine figure OF his wife
in clay that Mark Twain and Charles
Dudley Warner have sent him TO Europe
for education in sculpture.
MIR. John Bright's library is a nota-
bic feature in his modest home, twelve
hundred volumes of which were bought
for him, at n cost of E5,0iS, by his ad-
mirers, after the Corn Law League had
fulfilled its mission.
MIR. Carlyle's friends, IL is reported,
wish TO put the little house in Scotland
In which he was born in repair, and keep
1t as monument making it perhaps
into library for the use of the country
people about.
M. Gillis, n wealthy merchant OF
st. Petersburg, has offered prize of
one thousand liorins for the best expo
sition of kant's views on 1.-The Idealty
of Time and Space" He will also pub
lish the successful work at his own ex-
pense and give the profits to the author,
Miss Kate Smith, an inmate of the
Union Home for Old Ladies in Phila-
delphia. after three years labor, has
completed quilt containing 55, 552
pieces. She has been blind from infancy,
but threaded every needle herself, and
used one hundred spools of thread in
her work.
Mrs. Betsey II. Perkins, of Taun-
ton, Mass, celebrated her one-hun-
dreth birthday the other day, and did
the handsome thing by her daughters
/ in giving them each $1,000 bond.
! She remmembers the excitement
caused by the Inauguration of Washing
ton, which happened when she was
eight years old. She has fifty-two
living descendants.
Mrs. John Drew is quoted as say
ing that on the stage people are very
well paid and very careful of what
| they do, and mono of those marvellous
" funny, queer things happen that
hapDened forty or fiftv wears apo
get intoxicated here and get intoxicated
there, and of whom people thought
how clever they would be il they did
not drink-scarcely anybody of that
character is on the stage at all now"
Osage Valley banner. (Tuscumbia, Miller County, Mo.) 1879-1881, 1881-04-07
rRE AoE or INNocKNcE.

nrear wore tho world without \ child
Where hnppy infant never amllcd,
Nor stirrCd mothers love.
We sooner could the fOwenets spare,
Tho tender bud and blossom faif,
or b3ealh of Rrripgatlmp ih thp air,
0r llghf of dawn hhoyel
No inoaHrrh rulps With lordllor grace
Ihnn heipicka Infancy, fs plauc
Soon narrowed 20 q span:
ouistn,ichiua hands that Clnimns right
Al things thai loom upon tte aiEht.
And rceHinH unupht uf rrciiter taitrht
That viii discrawn the man.
oh. little kiugt oh, iittlg uueenfa
lUu ruic not wish TIE rditcn shann
= And pomp OF larger cnutfe; q
bui SOVEREIGN ia your grutie away.
StaQux haafts their wlliiuF hulnitre tiav.
Love scgftcr3 gurl1nds on yo,ir WAY.
Where yonrEou1g iife disp1rts
No poet utters daintlar word
Than OFT from iisp.uR llp ~ heard
no vii moves purcr hilgth:
~ mimic eaiire babes gruw bo!d.
And quaint SURPRISES they unfoia
AS iirst 'huir untni,ght ewes bennld
The Nendrpus SHOWS ~ enrih.
B'giithi Siecsns
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08
AN EMPHATIC WITNESS.

Alick Thompson, of Virginia, tells a
story illustrative of the peculiar vernacu-
lar of the people among whom he was
born, and OF their special capacity for
giving evidence in court of justice in a
compact, accurate, and picturesque style.
Some time ago he CHANGED to be visiting
at country seat in Virginia, and was
courteously invited by the Common
wealth's attorney to come into the court
room on the following morning, with .he
assurance that a witness would testify in
a murder case then pending. He en-
tered the court-r room, and speedily after
his arrival witness was called, who ad-
vanced TO the stand with such jaunty
air of self. assurance, and who kissed the
book with such loud d-sounding confidence,
that be was sure this must be "his man.
His Judgment was not incorrect.
"Mr. Williamson" asked the Common
wealth's attorney, ''do you know any.
thing of the killing which took place al
Robertson's store last month: =
"Know anything" was the response
IL were thar"
Then tell the Court and jury saic
the attorney, "what you know.
The witness planted himself more firm
ly on both feet, glanced around upon his
auditors, and thus delivered himself
well, you see, Mr.. Robertson were a
sittiu' in the back part of his store a
playin' of his fiddle, not a-thinking o.
bein' stobbed, nor nuthin of the kind
when in C. me Mr.. johnson, and then anC
thar stobbed him; then he gathered {
Lung-aarteI, cleaned out the cro,Od, hppeC
tie palm, and crared heset."-Editor
Drawer, IN Harper's Magazine .to'
March.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08
A WELL-EARNED FEE.

During a recent session of the Calves
ton County District Court, strangea
employed one of our young lawers to
assist the County Attorney in prosecuting
a man charged with burglary. The
Young lawyer did his very best to convict
the burglar, but the jury acquitted him
without leaving their seats. When the
stranger who had employed the young
lawyer to prosecute the burglar came to
pay the young lawyer, the latter said,
Il will only take half the money. as
failed to convict him" That's just why
want to pay you WELL" was the reply
of the stranger. The prisoner is my
brother, and if | hadn't hired you TO
help the State, he would have been con-
victed and sent to the penitentiary. You
have done nobly." The young lawyer
gobbled the fee without any more hesi-
tation. He says he earned it.-Gdives-
ton Ne,cs.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08
MISSED HIS PARDON.

Lucien Youngs's noble action few
years ago, in saving several lives from a
wrecked vessel, will be remembered al
so, the action of the Kentucky legislature
in publicly recognizing his services. A
few weeks since be was in Frankfort, and
while there visited the penetentiary,
where he met Sam Holmes, confined for
the murder of Colonel Napier. Young
and Holmes were boys together at school.
and fast friends. Young was greatly
moved by Holmes unfortunate condition.
and determined to make an effort for his
release. To this end he called on the
governor, and made an earnest appeal
for pardon. Governor Blackburn re-
Tented, and the pardon was made out and
signed. With the document in his pock-
ct Young hastened back to the prison to
tell the good news to his friend. Before
telling him, however, that he had come
to make him free man, Young quietly
commenced conversation, and after talk
ing awhile upon other subjects, finally
said: "Sam, if you were turned loose
and fully pardoned, what would be the
first thing you would o. The convict
very quickly responded: 81 would go tc
Lancaster, and kill Judge Owsley and
another scoundrel who was a witnes.
against me-" Young uttered not word
but turned mournfully away, went out
side the prison walls, took the pardon from
his pocket, and tore it into fragments.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08
AN ANECDOTE OF TWO JUDGES

Judge Whiting was Chief Justice of
Wisconsin about forty years ago. Judge
Woodle was an Associate Justice. Judge
Whiting was not considered very bril-
liant man, but, though his perceptions
were sluggish, his motives were always
trustworthy. Judge Whiting and Judge
Woodle were travelling together, hearing
appeals from nisi prius terms. They
travelled on horseback, and on one occas-
sion occupied room together. Judge
Whiting had very shapely foot "a fact
which he was suspected of knowing as
well as anybody. Judge Woodle had
club feet as to which he was suspected
of being very sensitive. On the occas-
ion speak of Judge Whiting was lying
stretched on the only bed there was in the
room, with one of his shapely feet ex-
tending out of the bed. He looked up
and saw Judge Woodle looking at the
foot intently.
What are you looking att said
Judge Whiting.
AT your foot, Whiting said Woodle.
And, do you know, if had your feet |
would be almost willing TO have your
head :"-Nep York Post
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08
TURKEY OR FOWL.

The prosecuting attorney in an Indi-
ana court had indicted man for stealing
4 hog. The evidence proved that the
animal was dead and dressed and hang
ing upon hook. The court held that
the variance must defeat conviction as
the Indictment should have charged him
with stealing pork instead Of "hog.
The next case was that of a man in
dicted for stealing a turkey. The evil
dence showed that the bird was dressed
and hanging up in a smoke house. The
Judge ruled that the prisoner must be
acquitted. as the indictment was faulty
in not charging him with stealing a
"fowl."
At the dinner which followed upon
this trial large roasted turkey was the
principal dish, Of which the Judge was
very fond.
II will thank you to help me TO some
of that turkey" said the judge to the
prosecuting attorney, who happened to
be the carver.
ITO what" answered the lawyer, with
look of feigned surprise.
A piece OF the turkey wing, a
sidebone, or some breast.
Judge. don't know what you mean !;
| see no turkey. Will you have some
fowl :"
well, you rather have me" replied
the Judge with a good natured laugh {;
''but you must recollect that there's a
wide difference between turkey in an
indictment and one on the dinner table. "
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08
ATALE OF WANT.

The widowed dame OF Hubbsrrs ancient lint
Tarued to her cupboard. cornered anglewise
Retwirt this wall and that. In quest OF aught
To satisfy the cravings Of old Sir Tray.
Prick.earcd companion OF her soliduJc,
Rcd spotted. dirty white, AMI bare Of rib,
Who followed st her high and pattering heels
Prayer In his eye. prayer in his sinking gait
Prayer In his pendulous pu,ssting tail.
Wide on IT, creaking jaws revolved the door
The cupboard yawned. deep-throsied. thiniN
set.
And plates OF various pattern. blue or white.
Deep in the void she thrust her hooked nose,
Peeping. near. lighted, for the wished'for bone
while her short robe OF samite, tilted high,
The thrifty dsrning OF her hose displayed.
The pointed feature travelled DER the def,
Greasing its tip. but bone or bread found none
wherefore Sir Tray abode still dinnerless'
Licking his paw beneath the sptnning-~heel
And meditAting much on ssvory meats
Literary World.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08

ANSWERS EASILY MISUNDERSTOOD
The inundation of III. which swept
away great part of the old Tyne bridge,
Newcastle. England, was long remem-
bered and alluded to as ''the flood On
one occasion Mr.. Adam Thompson was
put into the witness box at the assizes.
The counsel asking his name, received
for answer:
Adam sir Adam Thompson"
"Where do you live::"
AT Paradise, sir.
paradise is village about a mile and
half west of Newcastle.
"And how long have you dwelt in
Paradise :" continued the barrister.
Ever since the food !" was the reply,
made in all simplicity and with no inten-
ton to raise laugh.
1t is needless to say that the Judge
asked for an explanation.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08

1t was large sheet, yellow, and thick
as vellum. Her hands trembled as she
unfolded it and read My last will anC
testament, Paul Brudenel," and it drop
ped to the floor.
Snatching it up she ran-ran swiftly
out of the house, and flew noiselessly anC
shaking to Fannie's chamber.
81 have found it have found it !"
she cried, finging her arms around thu
amazed. white-robed figure who admitted
her.
Found what: Are you sick Are
you crazy" asked gentle Fannie Bru-
denel
The other will-within a chair-an
old armchair in the house in the hollow.
A ghost showed it to me =" answered
Rae. holding the paper aloft.
There was a knock at the chamber
door
SISTER. what is the matter: What
disturbs the house
IL was Philips voice.
Il have found the will Come in and
read it, :" cried Rae, dragging him in.
She gave him the paper; she lighted
a lamp. He was forced to read. Strug-
Cling for calmness as he proceeded, he
read to the end. Yes, late, bu, not too
late, the precious document was found
the second will of Paul Brudenel, un-
condi,ionally bequeathing all he possessed
to these two. his grandchildren,
In the exciting talk which followed no
one heard slender cane go rattat-tat
pas, the door, but when the blue morn.
ing light dawned and Fannie bestlrred
herself to get breakfast, she went first to
her mothers room.
Philip" she said. coming back
mother has had one of her bad nights
again. She has been up and away.
must have slep, very much more soundly
than usual; she never eluded me before.
She is very much exhausted.
Philip went instantly to attend his
ulOlutI. w ucU, AHt HtAN Nal' Shc
seemed restored to her wonted condition,
and Rae had minutely told her story they
closely questioned Mrs. Brudenel a. to
her visit to the house in the hollow, and
tried to discover if she had any knowl
edge of the hiding place OF the will.
But nothing could be gained from her
dIsordered mind She would only shake
her head and smile.
How dare you 90 on such an exPe-
di,ion to that lonely place at such an un-
canny hour, Rae :" asked Philip, the
next evening, when, embraced by his
arm, they had talked over the happy pros
pcct OF their immediate union.
IL was inspired" she answered laugh
ing. but with look of awe creeping into
her beautiful eyes. Then, as she recon-
sidcred that strange night, she gently
embraced him -
".All for love, Philip. 1t was done all
for love
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08
what. the reason there isn't'" de.

Whats the reason there isn't," de-
manded the law reporter Indignantly.
Don't it tell everything you did, and
don't it rhyme in some places: Don't it
get out all the facts, and don't it let peo-
pie know what's going on
"Of course it does" chimed in the
police reporter. "Thst's what | call a
good item Of poetry. | think you might
add, startling developments may be ex-
pected, and that the police have got a
clue to the perpetrator."
THAT isn't necessary" replied the law
reporter, loftily. Ave poets always leave
something to the readers imagination"
81 believe I'll go" murmured the
doctor.
"All right, sir. Come around any time
when you've got some poetry you want
fixed up" and the law reporter bowed
the visitor out.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08
WORKED BoTH WAYs.-"I have a |

WORKED Born WAYs.-"I have bill
- began a man, as he stood in the
door of an office on Lsrned street yester-
day and looked over his file-''l have a
little bill which"
Leave it with me and I'll collect it if |
have to follow the debtor straight year, ="
interrupted the lawyer.
"Yes-here it is-bill for SO. 1t
is a,bill against you
Against me. Ah! that alters the case.
You must give me y year TO pay II in.
Good day, sug
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08

MAINE NEws.-IIop Bitters, which are
advertised In our columns. are sure cure
for ague, biliousness aud Kidney com
plants. Those who use them say they
cannot he too highly recommended. Those
afflicted should give them fair trial, and
will become thereby enthusiastic In the
praise Of their curative qualities. Port
land Argus.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08

How can you remain sufferer from dys-
pepsia when worse cases than yours are
being cured by Hoods Sarsaparilla. Try it,
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08

Hyou hare cough resulting from a sud
den cold, procure idams0ns Botanic Bal
sam, take one half 10 one teaspoonful three
times day, and your cough will cease.
Trial bottles, 10 cts.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08

have suffered with sick headache all my
life, until six months ago. ID. V. X. G..
Dyspepsia Remedy cured me.
ID. Bookstaver, eX-Mayor.
Syracuse, n. Y.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08

HAVE WIsTAR's BALsAM OF WILD CHEZ
RY always at hand. IL cures coughs, colds.
bronchitis, whooping cough, Group, inhu-
enZa, consumption, and all throat and
lung complaints. 80 cts. and 81 a bottle.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08

An Atlanta darkey who tried TO send one
Of his children through the post-ofilce was
arrested for an attempt at blackmailing.
Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1881-03-08

"You look like an idiot" was the raher
uncomplimentary remark Of Mr. Plain
tongue. Don't cast any of your refec
tions on me-" said Fogg