Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-06-08
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE.


A GROSS blunder-a bakers dozen.
In what key would lover write a pro-
posal of marriage? Be mine, alb!
WHEN a man is drawn upon jury we
suppose he may be called panel pic
ture.
go MOTHER, Grease the Garden Gate. %
is the title of the latest sentimental song.
~. 7. Com. Adv.
IHE fox whose tail was caught in the
Trap was one OF the first individuals who
severed his connection"
A CHINAMAN, on being saved from
drowning by being pulled out by his
plgtail, remarked, "I thank queue
OWING to the trichinm prevailing in
American pork, railway eating-houses
are using sole leather in making ham
sandwiches.
A VERMONT woman who is 100 wears
old is learning to play the ACCORDION.
and an exchange calls this the worst csse
Of total depravity on record.
DONALD What's this? Waiter
Broth, sir. Donald-Hoo ay Yis! A
peas here and a barley's there, and the
wan whustiins to the ither "Where are
20 %"
81 CAN'T go to Europe" a lady is re-
ported to have said; 81 am reading
forty five continued stories, and nv lin
tied means would not let me pay the
postage"
ANNA DICKNsoN's failure to play
Claude Melnotte is explained. She
couldn't find pair of pants she could
LII
Chronicle.
A CAIRO girl whose lover is named
Peleg blushingly addressed him as "Pe-
limb Her modesty is of several years
duration, and has bafded the skill Of the
best physicians.
WHAT vast? Invent out in the woods
and got it. After I got it looked for it.
The more looked for it the less liked
it. brought it home In my hand be-
cause / couldn't find it. A silver.
AFTER supper at ball-He: "With-
out joking, Elise, I do adore you.
When look at you, there is such com
motion in my breastp' She: ssAnd in
mine too, Henri; it must be the lobster
saladp
"WHAT rough fellow that Sniggins
is - petulantly exclaimed the Hopedale
girl after struggle with the aforesaid
Sniggins at Copenhagen" "He near
~ smothered me!'' ''And did you kiss
him for his smothsr?" asked the other
miss, naively.
"MEN often Jump at conclusions. ;"
says the proyerb. So do dogs. We
saw dog jump at the conclusion of
cat, which was sticking through the
opening of partly closed door, and it
made more disturbance than church
scandal. -OSIskosh AdU0nce.
IT is the fashion with New York la
dies to wear an embroidered butter
things changed We have seen a girl
mad as thunder at hotel table when a
careless waiter let the butter fly on her
dress.-BostO7e Com. Bulletin.
The meanest book agent on record
works in Pennsylvania. He has a solid
twenty-pound chunk of iron in his trow-
sers, and when the indignant citizen
kicks at him. he hits his foot against that
solid iron, and the way it wakes up his
corns and makes him misapply scripture
is caution.
THEY tell of a very cultured divine in
Boston who, instead of saying, "The
collection will now be taken up," i'm
pressively remarks, ''Tha accumulation
of moneys will now ensue. " But
Philadelphia clergyman, great athlete
and lover of sports, forgot himself once,
and said, ''Here endeth the first innings
let us pray
"WoULD you like to look at some
goods clerk as he flung down some slazy
black fabrics before serious lady GUS
toner. "No; not this mourning; some
other mourning; good mourning" she
responded; and the clerk was shortly af-
terward carried out to his bier.-Boston
Commercial Bulletin.
A MAN of tact always manages to get
out of difficulty. The clerk of parish,
whose business was to read the first
lesson,'' came across the chapter in
David In which the names Shadrach,
Meshach and Abednego occurred twelve
times, finding it extremely difficult to
pronounce these names he went through
the chapter referring to them as "the
aforesaid gentleman
SHE sat at night by the sad sea-waves
with her friend, as two college professors
passed by. Respect for the learning Of
the wise men kept the fair ones silent,
until one professor, looking up at the
solitary star that twinkled in the sky,
said: "Look at Venus, how bright
she is this evening s'Gracious hea-
vensp' she cried; sat that distance, he
can tell whether it's male or female"
THEY had been engaged to be married
fifteen years, and still he had not mus
tered up resolution enough to ask her
to name the happy day. One evening
he called In a particularly spoony frame
of mind, and asked her to sing him
something lender and touching; some
thing that would ''move /" him. She
sat down at the piano and sang: "Dar-
ling, I am growing old. '-Brooklya
Eagle.
DID you have sort of crampedfeeling
in your hands, a weakness at your elbow,
a slight touch of laineness in the deltoid