The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1881-01-15

SPOOPENDYKE.
Discusses Politics with his Wife and Goes
to Bed Worn Out with the Effort to
Make Her Understand q Subject
that he Himself Knows Very
Little About.
From the Brooklyn "Eagle."

From the Brooklyn "Eagle"
"Now, my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, eff you will come and sit down
here, I'll explain the political situation
to you. am glad to see you take an
interest in such things, for everybody
ought to thoroughly understand what is
going on in the country"
"I've been reading about them every
day" "rejoined Mrs. Spoopendyke, ''and
1 think l know good deal about poll
tics now," and the good lady turned
turkey red with the idea that's had
excited her husbands admiration. 81
think Mr.. Garfield is too sweet to live,
and dear Mr.. Hancock is just as nice as
he can be. They are ever SO much bet
ter than that odious English and Arthur.
Oh if was man | would vote for
Garfield and Hancock"
"That amt the way to talk politics."
sneered Mr.. Spoopendyke. 81 thought
you said you knew something about it
Got an idea that Garfield and Hancock
are some kind of "a bonnet, haven't your
Well, they amt, and they amt a foreign
bible society, either"
"Do you like English and Arthur
best p? They may be good men for the
Presidency, but l saw more in the papers
about Garfield and Hancock, and l
thought they must be splendid. Per-
haps was mistaken.
"Garfeld and Hancock ain running
together, l tell ye," retorted Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, "They are running against each
other"
"There's another thing" said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, complacently; eff they
are doing that, perfectly agree with
you in thinking that English and Arthur
are the best. They are perfect gentle
men, and Mr.. Arthur is so handsome !
saw his picture"
"Don't you know anything at all,
scarcely?" demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke.
English and Arthur amt twins, they
are running against each other, too.-
| Where'd you find out about politics,
anyway-in a cook book? P'raps you
think these cand dates are vegetables,
Mrs. Spookendyke. But they amt,
they're men, with arms and legs; they
amt things to make pudding Of"
Certainly; 1 know that" respond
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke, cheerfully, "but
if Mr.. Garfield is running against Mr..
Hancock, and Mr.. English is running
against Mr.. Arthur, 1 don't see what
we're going to do. How are we going
to choose ?"
EACH oth9hf 92Ff 9s2pained net spooPeHdy1fe 9 sSdd1t
with rising emphasis. ''You don't sup
pose candidates all run together like a
lot of hens, do ye?'
eff Mr.. Hancock and Mr.. Garfield
run against each other, won't Mr. Han
cock have the best of it ?"
"Why should hep" demanded Mr..
Spoopendyke.
"Cause he's SO big. If they were
running together he'd get beat, cause
he's too fat. He couldn't"
"Does anybody in the country know
what you're talking about? Do you
s'pose they stand off and bump up against
each other like couple of freight trains?
Got an idea they're going 10 roll up
their trowsers and run leg race :? l tell
ye Hancock is running for one President
and Garfield is running for another
Now, dye understand ?"
"Oh that's it. Now begin to see
into it," returned Mrs. Spoopendyke
joyously. $50 if you want to vote for
two men for the Presidency, you must
vote for English and Arthur. under
stand it perfectly now. But
"Oh, yes; you understand it, don't
YEP" yelped Mr.. Spoopendyke.-
"You're the politician of seven ages
All you need is a registration book and
a brass band to be a whole political
campaign. Itell ye Hancockis running
for President and so is Garfield, and
Arthur and English running for Vice
President. Can you understand that? ?"
eyes, do; but do you think Arthur
and English will get it? l read in
one"
"Get it ? They both can't get it.
Only one of EN- can get it p exclaimed
Mr.. Spoopendyke, suppressing his pas
sion. "What do you think the Vice
Presidency is-a pair of pigeon-holes D.?
One of 'em will be President and the
other President. Now, can you
bore that through your skull and remem-
Der it ?''
"Why, of course but feel sorry for |
poor Mr.. Garfield and poor Mr.. Han
cock. They'll be awfully disappointed,
but of course we can't help it. Which |
will be President, do you think, Mr.. |
Arthur or Mr.. Eng"
"Dot gast It'll" raved Spoopendyke. |
"You don't know enough to go to sleep |
when you're tired. Don't l tell you |
Garfield or Hancock will be President,
and English or Arthur Vice-President? |
Say it over until you can remember it.
The tickets are Hancock and English |
and Garfield and Arthur. Comprehend |
that ?"
"Why, certainly saw those names
on the banners. | remember it now
Which will be elected ?"
''Thats the question:" rejoined Mr.. |
Spoopendyke, sarcastically. eff Mr..
English can carry his own State and
Ohio he will be elected, but if Mr.. Gar
field can carry his own State and Indiana |
he has anexcellent show"
"What will Mr.. Hancock and Mr.. |
Arthur carry?" asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, with an air of absorbing interest. |
"Carry !" howled Mr.. Spoopendyke;
"they'll carry swill to the pigs, and that's
more'n you know how to do. What |
dye 'spose they'll carry ?"
81 suppose Mr.. Arthur will carry Mr..
English's State, won't he, and his own'
And Mr. Hancock will carry Mr.. Gar
fields State and Governors Ireland