Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-04-21
GABE.
From Mike Dodson.

ARKADY SUBURBS April Fule the 10Th Day.
MIsTUR AK
Yeaster. da' liz past and gon', and the hens IL
kwit benz on a strike. 1t liz reali astonishin'
how mani kolors ov eggs tina han La durin'
Y-aster. Over spring il nifty late this yere,
am tina sa' it IL oil on akount ov Yea ster Sun
day komiu' so late in the yere. Kant the toe
line ov the Globe Dimekrat he used tn hswl it
around leettle suner next yere.
The Suburbs IL beginnin' to glo' In oil it's
vurd mt creme. and the probabilities IL. fur
the next fu weeks, that the kows VIII stop
dyin' Ov starvashun.
Sal by-the-wa', Mr.. Edeatur, what big
time yu had ovur in yure kwiat villige last
Saturda'. Whar wus the Deputi Unkie Sans
Marshel an the U. 8. Kommshshuner when
h;z (Onkle Sammy's) effisurs wus sheddin'
blud fur the gud Ov hiz kuntri. Az SUN ov
the people in the kuntry kudent see the battel
a-wagein', mabee had bettur tei' them how
it wus. Let me taxi mi own time, an don't
kross-kwestun me, an ma git it oil in eff yu
waite long enuf. Witnes disposes, tn wit, az
follers: Saturda' afturnune, about 3 o'clCk,
when oil wei'-desposed pussons wus huutln'
yeaster-egss, the Land-Ofh ,ur ov the Unitld
Stats wus goin' along karyin' buk-saw, low
in tn the land frawds rekon trAid il dun in
the oM.s, an he wus probili lookin' fur a job),
when he met the P. NJ, wnu wus full oy war,
Che wus Ia the armi and don't b'leeve the
Land Offs wus.) bearin' down toe-wards him.
A fu preliminan wurds wus side, when, kerr
zip whak. P. NJ. takes Land Offs slap ia the
mowth. (prooili thinkin' the L. q. wud du az
wan ov yute sitiz ems did in dase gon' bi, whu.
when he got hit in the /, krldc, ''Mlne 20
shut"J The P. NJ. expektid the L. o. tn hol-
Ter, milne mowth 20 shut!'' AZ the L. u.
had hiz mowth open tn mulch, ''dot vos de
drouble init him." But az he made no sutch
kry, the P. NJ let him have anuther lode in
frunt. Bi this time the L. 0. had kollected
hiz wonderful thots and skattured senses, an
cent hiz buk-saw tn hunt job on its own
hook, az he had veri urjent bisness, that re-
kwirsd oil hiz attenshun, imedately before
him. Tha kIinched. think ov the P. o. and
l.. o. komin' together!) When 10 and be-
how'd! that CRATE big Teller that blows the |
orite tin horn in the band, KUN akross the |
,treat and j EST slept in an tole them tina wus
u old tn be fitiu', and fur them tn sea.e ftin'
Ind behave theirselfs. This Mistur Eli, az tina
xoll him. liz so big that tina kud not hit catch |
vun ov them SADIE, whiI he wusiblowin' like a
boss, sI-eh, uh, know-eh, uh;
,ut-eh, uh, q man must-eh, uh, make fule-
ID, uh, hisself sum times. Phew ew. eh, uhp'
10 this wound up the fife.
The funni part IL that these tn fters ar
10Th komissuned ofisers in the U. 8. armi (ov
aud Eli IL a gud Dimikrat.
That IL the wa with the Dimikrats-tha al
rays want tn get MKT in sumhow. Why
udn't tha be let alone, an left tn settle 1t tn
heirselfs. The Dimkrats are always kryin'
Peese, peese!" oil tina want IL peese oV the
red and buttur.
Now, Mr.. AK, ef yu see eny more war
lowds kumin' up, let me kno', and will git
he Kurnel tn leve hz meleu patch and kwiet
he disturbance. VIII tel yu whar the mel
M IL when tina gifts big enuf tn tri.
Ever thine, MIKE DoDsoN.
Post Krept.-Kant,t Frank Shovel 20 tn .
IL eatin' ov the DC. fellers without film hix
okits with limburgur cheeze tn take home
it'll hint d. D.