The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-01-15


81 do wish the Bernlardt season had
commenced"
eve great mind to have 1t trim
med with scarlet"
81 must order new pair Of shoes
Tomorrow, ana the material for that
wrapper, and visit Madame KS to try
| OH that dyess.'
"Thcre's Ed. Cochunk we saw In
Newport lust summer"
"lIow that girl does lacon
"Amen! My Isn't 1t nice to get
out"
ONE day the poet Whittier was cx-
changing "reminiscences with Miss
Abigail Dodge (Gail Hamilton), when
ho told the following story Of ali old
friend, who was very much annoyed
one afternoon by somo boys following
him and lccring and swearingat him,
and especially when his hat blew off,
calling out 10 him: "Go 1t, Broad
brlm! Timber up and you'll catch it
yet" The friend noticed another boy
coming down the street, and said 3:
Boy, is thee prolanc?" "You bet" "
"Thcn ihanding him a quarter) cuss
those boys two shilling worth"
a LovER, who was sllghtcd by the
females. very mo testify askol young
evening with her?" "No," she anger
ly replied, "that's what [ won't."
"Why," replied he, ''you needn't be
so fusSy; | didn't mean this evening,
but some stormy one, when can't go
anywhere else"
n MICHIGAN boy ate a bar OF soap on
Il wager and then drank II lot Of soda
TO take the taste out OF his mouth, and
the way he spouted sudS nndsoap bub-
bles for the next half-hour batllcd the
skill of fourteen doctors, who mAuly
performed about him, not having been
informed of the cause of the lads suf-
fering. They are at loggerhcads now
about what to call tho case.
a NEW ENGLAND editor, dcspairlng
Of becoming millionaire on sub
scrlptlon basis Of turnlps and stove
wood, throws up the sponge with the
remark that cit don't pay to run 4
paper In town where tho business
men read nlmanaca ana pick their teeth
with the tall Of Il hearing.'
u WOMAN in St. Louis has sued her
husband for divorce on the ground
that he called her can old cow" If
the woman was intemperate, ana had
just taken couple of "horus," the
husband was Justified In addressing
her by bovine application.
IT makes q mothers heart revert to
her younger days when she comes into
the parlor next morning after her
daughters beau has been round, and
finds only one char IN front Of the
fireplace and the others sitting along
the wall as if they hadn't been touch
cd for three years.
"DAHLING, Kiss Mo Sweet Good
Night" Is the latest song. One youns
man sang 1t in the prcScNce Of his girl
the other evening, and just rs she was
about 10 act In accordance with the
words Of the song her dear papa pu,
in appearance and filed the youths
coat tails full Of boots.
TIE Locomotive publishes engrav-
ings in each issue showing how boilers
look just after they have exploded
THIS doesn't seem to hit the case at all
What is needed is n picture showing
how boiler looks just before it is going
TO explode. We could then learn when
to get out of the way.
---s----
lRlsHwOMAN (tO Postmaster)- )-"Ar
the Indian letters In yct?' Postmaster
-"No, ma'am, the Indian mail has MOI
arrived yet" lrishwoman.-"Sure I,
isn't Indian male (meuD want, bu,
letters!'
ArRoPos OF names. First swell: 81
never did like May not nearly st
pretty as 'Mary;' wonder they dom
change the name of the month tt
'Mary.'" Second swell: Clevaw idcaw
bah Jovc! make awyslaws good t.
June, you know!'
~ NoRRIsToWN Elan who Is so ncal
sighted that he cannot recognize his
| friends across the street always lodges
around corner when one OF his credi
tors Is square off ard coming towards
him. 1t must be instinct.
THE Question ScLtled.--She-Rut q,
not you think that too much smoke l.
injurious to the mind? Hc.-I canno
say do. In my own case | hav,
found 1t rather to increase than t,
lesson the mental vigor. She--Oh!
| LIE was Wntcnlng his nclghbOr's DO,
climb tree and he had look of pain
iul anxiety on his couutenanco. oar
you afraid the LAD will tall and brcal
his neck?'' was asked him. "No,
he replied, ppm deuccdly afraid il
wOn't."
| a GENTLEMAN was wondering VIII
there arc so many bad regulations
vixen friend said; cit Is probaDl
because every man has TO make hi
Own."
CRACK; "I am going to sec Clar
to-day. Have you any message i?
Charlotte: 81 wonder now you ca
visit that dreadful girl. Give her M
love-"
'IlEIp the sweeper, please, sir.
cant my man. l wasn't brought u
: to tho business. Besides, have L
broom"
, THE butcher complacently smacl
his lips as he meets tho demands of h
customers.