Democratic Northwest. [volume] (Napoleon, Ohio) 1869-1894, 1881-03-24
Remutfatit Northwest.
More OF Mr.. SpOeprsdyke's Domestic
Troubles.

er; what has become OF the can opener!
I don't see it anywhere
sW hat do YOU want Of IL! asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, lluttering up to
protect her trinkets, and try to gain
little time.
i want to open some sardInes with
it., relorted Mr.. Spoopendyke, aban
doIilg the drawer and hunting
through the work basket. Think |
want to comb my hair with 1t? I'm
agine wanted to write letter with
it? Well, ! don't. want some
sardines What have you done with
itT
You might take your big knife,
recommended Mrs. Spoopendyke.-
The large blade is just the thing for
that, you know
Mr.. Spoopendyke seized the knife
and bored away at one corner of the
box, while his wife looked on with con-
siderable distress.
'Handn't you better put paper un-
der the box? You'll get the oil all
over the table-cIoth,' suggested Mrs,
Spoopendyke.
mo, | won't either, said Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, as the knife plunged through
the box. and the oil spattered. Serve
you right if did, he continued, plow-
ing away at the tin, while the grease
few in all directions. 1T will teach
you to put the can opener where you
could find it. What kind of house
Keeping do you call this, anyhow he
yelled, as the blade slipped out and
closed up on his fingers.
Did you hurt yourself, dear? asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, anxiously.
No, | didn't hurt myself. grinned
Mr.. Spoopendyke The dog -gasted
knife struck bone, or | would have
been dead with agony an hour ago.
Give me some ether' he howled.
Fetch me some chloroform! S'pose
I'm going to saw at this box any more
without an esthetic? Got an Idea
I'm going to chop off couple of dozen
fingers without something to deaden
she pain? Where's the laughing gas7
Give me some laughing gas while |
extract these measly old fish, and Mr..
Spoopendyke pranced around the
room, and then jabbed the knife into
she box again, and ripped away as
though he was run by steam. No use
20 hide away from me!' he yelled,
hacking away at the box with all his
might. i know you're in there, and
there can't be any dod -gasted sardine
that ever was built get away from me.
Come out, L tell ye' and he seized a
ash by the tail and slung him across
the room. " Nou're transacting business
with Spoopendyko now!' andhe clawed
out handful of mashed sardines and
slapped them down ON plate.
Won't you spoil EN-, dear?' asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, dodging the flying
heads and tails. They won't be very
good if you open them that way
oh, won't they?' howled Mr. Spoo-
pendpke. III you don't like EN- that
way, what'd you ask for them for?
Maybe you want to take them cut in a
baby carriage. P'raps you've got an
idea ought to climb under 'em and
lift em out Maybe you want me to
g1t into. that box with boat and take
chem out with seine? Well, | won't,
tell ye! Give me the tongs; l want
that fish at the bottom. Where's the
tongs? Gone to get married to the
can-opener haven't they? and Mr.
Spoopendyke grabbed another fish,
and fired him into the CRATE.
BE patient, my dear, said Mrs
Spoopendyke, soothingly Make the
opening a little wider, and they'll
come out
'Ain't | patient?' shouted Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. 'P'raps you want me to
ung to 'em, 4 wish l was an angel,
and with the dod-gast the fish!
Come out Of that and with 8 wrench
Mr.. Spoopendyke hauled off the top
aud disclosed the mangled remains of
his enemies. Now, give me lemon,
snd he eyed the repast with anything
but contentment Stir around and
yet me lemon; quick, now
Upon my word, my dear, l don't
believe there's lemon in the house,
sSammered Mrs, Spoopendyke. I
had one
'Oh, you had onon proclaimed Mr..
5poopendyke, only you're just out.
;fyou'd been brought up right, you'd
only need an awning and family on
Tho top floor to be a grocery shop
Spose I'm going to eat these sardines
:sw? Think I'm going to swallow
taese fish alive? Gimme something to
pat on EN-, will ye?'
What would you like, my dear?'
queried Mrs. Spoopendyke
Ink, dod -gast it, Fetch me some
gneasly ink! Got any nails? Can't
you find some laudaum somewhere?'
and Mr. Spoopendyke projected him
self into the closet and pranced out
with bottle or arnica There! lie
howled, as he dashed the contents over
the sardines, there's your fish all
ready for you, and the next time you
want me to open the things, you'll have
aiemon, will ye? Find a can-opener,
yont YEP and Mr.. spoependyke hopped