The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1881-12-06
THE TIMES, NEW BLooMrIELD Pa DECEMBER 8. 1881.

'''rhe air seems sort of fixed here in
the car, does 1t not ?" and he looked up
at the transom.
YES" said the lady, AS she turned
pale, and asked him to let her out of the
seat, 'lt is very much fixed, and / be-
lleve you are the man that fixed 1t ~
and she took her satchel and went TO
the rear of the car, where she glared at
him as though he was fat-rendering
establishment. Mr.. Hoyt devoted few
moments to silent prayer, and then his
attention was called to q new married
couple in the seat in front of him. They
had been having their heads close to.
gether, when suddenly the bride said
"Henry, have you been drinking? ?" He
vowed by all that was great and glorious
that he had not, when she told him that
there was something about his breath
that reminded her of strong drink, or
packing house. He allowed that it was
not him, but admitted that he had no.
ticed that there was something wrong,
though he didn't know but it was some
of her teeth that needed filling. They
were both mad at the insinuation of the
other, and the bride leaned on the win
dow and cried, while the groom looked
the other way, and acted cross. Mr..
Hoyt was very much annoyed at the
smell, and made up his mind it was his
duty to speak to the groom about it. So
he introduced himself and told the groom
he ought to do something to cure those
feet of his. The groom looked at him
Indignantly, but Mr.. Hoyt continued:
"You may think it will wear off, but
it won't. knew man in Fon du Lac
whose feet perspired as bad as yours,
and it was almost impossible to stay in
a room with him. He had to sleep with
his feet out the window, and the neigh
bors complained to the health officers,
One day he"
AT this point the bridegroom called his
wife, and they Indignantly left the car.
Mr.. Hoyt was annoyed. The smell re-
mained, and people all around him got
up and went to the forward end of the
car, or to the rear, and there were
dozen empty seats when the conductor
came in, and lots of people standing up.
The conductor got one sniff and said:
"Whoever has got that piece of Linn
berger cheese in his pocket will have to
go in the emigrant car" They all
looked at Hoyt, and the conductor went
up to him and asked him if he didn't
know any better than to be carrying
around such cheese as that. Hoyt said
he hadn't got no cheese. The conductor
| insisted that he had, and told him to
turn his pockets wrong side out. Hoyt
jabbed his hands into his pockets and
felt something cold and clammy. He
drew his hands out empty, turned pale,
and said he didn't have any cheese. The
conductor insisted on his feeling again,
and he brought to the surface q couple
of human ears, a finger and thumb.
"What in the name of the apostles
have you got there r. says the conduc-
tor. 'Do you belong to any establish
ment that sends canned missionary to
the heather cannibals 7" Hoyt told the
conductor to come in the baggage car
and he would explain all, and as he
passed by the passengers, with both
hands full of the remains, they were
ready to lynch him. He told the con-
ductor where he had been been, and the
boys had played it on him, and the
fingers and things were thrown beside
the track where some one will find them
and think murder has been committed.
Afterwards Hoyt went in the car and
tried to apologize to the old maid, but
she said if he didn't go away she would
scream. Hoyt would always rather go
away than have woman scream. He
is trying to think of some way to get
even with the boys at Rush Medical
College.