Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1881-03-02
DIFIDING UP.


fered with the toothache, sat down in
the chair vacated by the boy, and af-
ter smile of encouragement began:
IF matters don't mend pretty soon,
I'll either murder her or take my own
life
Dome tic trouble, l suppose?' quir-
led Bijah.
That's it. sir, and I'm getting des-
perate | left home thinking I'd jump
from the dock, but | happened to think
of you; aud SO thought I'd ask adj
vice.
is the bread heavy?
Blast the bread | can stand heavy
bread, sloppy tea, raw meat and half
cooked potatoes. but | can't nor /
won't stand this internal whining, COM
planning and jawing around
'FellOwtraveler along the two-path
of Times broad-gauge canal, | think I
see the pint. You have been married
about two years
Not quite
You are fifteen years older than
your wife
'Yes-eighteen'
You have wooden leg, and She
| She
She hasn't, but l wish she had two
of EN- =
She likes good clothes p
You bet !!
She likes the mad whrl of society,
sixteen dollar bonnets, reserved seats
at the opera, eight dollar boots, forty
button kid gloves, and trains on her
! dresses ?.
She does; that's her to dotr
claimed the husband.
And you prefer your home, eveu-
ing fire, newspaper, snow apples, game
of checkers. glass of cider, cat on the
hearth, and so on?'
That's the sort o. man | am, sir
and she harnesses me to death. She's
on the trot all day and on the CAD all
evening, and if | demonstrate she says
| want to make slave and a prisoner
OF her.
'Dcn't you go along with her to the
theatre and parties p
i used to but for the last year she's
got awful particular about my wooden
leg; says the public will think l was
shot while stealing chickens
Does, eb and you sit at home and
keep your feet warm by the cook stove
while she galivants 2
The same, sir, and now what shall
| do about it2 Something has got to
be did, and that right off, I'll be hang
ed to Davy Crockett if | put up with
it another day You are an older
man than | am, and you've had three
wives to my one, and I'll do just as
you say about it.
'Fellow-man, you have been wrong
from the beginning slowley answered
Bijah, as he looked out of the window
in weary way. The man who mar
ries a woman only half his age is D.
F.-deceived friedcake-at the start.
Youth may reverence old age, but love
isn't reverence Youth and old age
don't like their taters cooked the same
way, and the man who SAYS they do
is forger They don't see alike, and
its a cat and dog life. If l was to mar
rv again, bald-headed as | am, should
look for lady wearing No. 10 gloves
and No. 8 shoes as an offset Do you
love your wife p
We'll to be honest about it, | don't
think either of US are dying of love-
Then, my friend. you go home and
have a candid talk, divide up the
things, and part good friends. Give
her the larger half, throw in some
change, and see that she gets safe
home to her mother. By and by you
can quitely secure bill of divorce, get
on some store clothes. and look out for
woman of fifty, who has the rheu-
MATES so that she can't get mad
That's honest, Is it p
Honest Iniun. If you can't live
happy together, don't hesitate to live
happy apart No use in any scandal
or hard words, but divide up and call
| it bad mistake This killing ones
self on account OF domestic trouble is
all bosh'
That's so, and I'll walk straight
home and begin the dividing up busi-
ness. Thank you, Bijah may your
feet stop growing as a reward for this
When he had departed Bijah took a
short cut through the alleys, and pres
emily gained a position from whence
he could view the house where the
man lived Developments did not
tarry. The husband had not been in
the house five minutes before he was
suddenly rushed out again, hat and
cane hving, and his share of the things,
consisting of three fiat-irons, kettle
and two bricks, overlook him before he
could dodge.
so young and so artlessp mused
Biiah as he turned away, and yet
that last brick thumped bim between
the shoulders just as purity as if I'd
thrown it myself f-Detrod Free
Press
Parents will find the A. S. T. Co.
Black Tip not Objectionable as the
metal was, while it will wear as well
Bv asking for it on their children shoes
they can reduce shoe bills one half.
A New York paper is writing up
the American College of Heraldry,'
which lives ard moves and has its being
in one room in University Place, in
that city The thing is of course a
fraud, but as long as Goldfish aristocrats
and week-headed snobs desire TO iden-
tifv themselves with the titled families
of Europe, there will always be fruit
ful field for such swindlers.
CHoLERA-No danger from Cholera
if the Liver is in proper order and or
dinary prudence in diet is observed.
The occasional taking of Simmons
Liver Regulator to keep the system
healthy, will surely prevent attacks of
Cholera
The immunity from epidemic
smallpox enjoyed by civilized COM