South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-10

<Abu ySt " 1911 TIC OiliS DlNukcrch1et
OF the sort in the world. Sec, this
one l have in my pocket is exactly
like it, Prosccutor-'Very likely.
your Honor; had two stolen.'
Doctor 10 nervous patient: what
Yon are afraid of being buried before
lie Is extinct? Nonsense You take
what l prescribe, and drive such fool
ish notions out Of your head. Such
n thing never happens with my pa
tents
Why Eve Had No Seryant.-A
lady furnishes some OF the reasons
why Eve did not keep hirod girl
There has been much said about the
faults of woman and why they need
so much waiting on. Some one "a
man Of course) has thepresumption 10
ask: when Eve was manufactured
of spare RIB, why was not servant
made at the same time to wait upon
her? She didn't need any. Adam
never came whining to Eve with q
ragged stocking to be darned, buttons
to be sewed on, gloves to be mended
right away-quicls, nowl lie never
read the papers until the sun went
down behind palm trees, and stretch.
ing himself, yawned out, Isn't sup
per ready yet, my dear 2 Not he
lie made the fire and hung the ket-
tic over it himself, pulled the raddish-
es, peeled the potatoes and did every
thing else he ought to do. lie milk
ed the cows, fed the chickens and
looked after the pigs himself, and
never brought half a dozen friends
homo to dinner when Eve hadn't any
fresh pome9ranates. He never stay.
ed out till II o'clock at night, and
then scolded because poor Eve was
sitting up and crying inside the gate.
de never loafod around corner gro
ceries while Eve was rocking little
Gains cradle at home. He did not
call Eve up from tho kitchen to get
his slippers and find them in a corner
where be had left them. Not he.
When he took them OF ne put them
under iig-trco beside lis Sunday
boots. In short, he did not think
she was especially created for the pur-
pose of waiting on him, and be WASH t
under the impression that it disgraced
man to tighten his wife's cares a
little
Catching Him.-On one occasion,
while visiting the poor, DR.. Guthrie,
who was equal 10 any emergency,
came to the door Of an Irish Roman
Catholic who was determined that
the Doctor should not enter his house.
you must not come here SAID the
lrlshman you are not wanted
My FRIEND said tho Doctor, I'm
going round my parish to become &C.
quainted with the people, and have
called upon you only as parishioner.
1T don't NATTER said Paddy, you
shan't come i'll here and lifting the
poker he said, If yer come in here II
knock yer down.
Most men would have retired, or
tried to reason; the Doctor did nei
ther, but drawing himself mp to his
full height, and looking the Irishman
III the face, said:
Come, Row thatis too bad. Would
you strike ran urGrmed? Hand
me the tongs and then We shall be on
equal terms
The man looked .. him in great q.
mazement, and then said, Och, sure
you're q quare man for . minister
Come inside And feeling rather a.
fhamcd Of his conduct lie laid down
the poker.
The Doctor entered, and when ho
arose to 90 Pat shook Ills hand warm.
ly,and said, 'De sure, SIR, don't pass my
door again without giving INC a cali ;.
They are Foes Now.-Sgmcbod,
put pepper in Nj Groatys cologne
bottle, and when he took 4 smell St Il
lie got about two spoonsiul up his nose
and the way he snoczcd was cirguw.
stance. About the time he had been
at 1t Tor ten minutes, and was she!
ding tears coriously, and felt sur,
that he should loosen lis h@ir at tn.
roots, and perhapa las teeth wouil
come ont, a friend entered. is any
thing the matter 2 'N.n.a-ca-cLoT
ooo'ooo-nor answered Grou'y. anC
then, when he fAally got q little qui
ct, lie gave the bottle to his fritn,
and said Smell Of ibis. And Will,
his friend was tearing himself all {.
pieces, Grouty asked as anythin.
The matter, or are You Just doing
TO kill time 2 They ar foes now
A ncn.comtatant. Did yo1 serv
IN 'ho war, Un.ic? No, sab I was
cowa-diy niggah. l was Ken
iucAy micah And what dill
want 70 list foh?' 'Wero not th
While men fighting for YOU 2 "Spos
dcy was. Esi was 10 sign WIN W.
should FIGHT Maasa, did you eve
sso tSo iogs iigM.I over n L-rc ?