The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-05-27
A Novelist In Trnnhie.


"Judge," said man, entering a
Cleveland Courtroom, 81 want a di
yorce
''From whom?" asked the Judge.
"F'rom my wife, of course. You don't
suppose that want divorce from my
father or mother, do you? I came to
ask your advice and get you to recon-
mend lawyer. I'll relate the case and
get your opinion: One morning about
two months ago, while reading a news
paper, my attention was attracted by
startling headlines announcing that a
beautiful young lazy had attempted to
commit suicide. A letter written by the
young lady was contained in the article.
Here it is. I'll read it." and the man
took printed slip from his pocket and
read as follows:
eyes, I have determined to commit
suicide. I have worked with all the
ardor of young heart, but to no pur-
pose. / have Stunned every temptation;
have washed the clothes Of the gay and
happy; have done all kinds of honest la
Dor, but am not respected any more than
the feathery, tainted agents Of Ubiquitous
dens. am too honest to live. am too
sensitive to meet the hcentious eyes of
those who call themselves Christians.
Ny heart is as pure as the first buds of
spring, and my life has been as spotless
as the winding-sheet of st. Paul. Then
who can blame me for ending a life in its
purity What minister of the abused
gospel can look upon my coffin and say
she who has taken her own life cannot
enter the kingdom of Heaven? / have
not taken my life, but have returned it. .
'Now, Judge" said the visitor when
he had finished reading, sit is letter
that would catch any old bachelor. I
read it twice and said to myself: That
is the kind of woman who would suit
me-. I read the close of the article again
Here it is. I've kept it: When found,
the young lady was lying on a bed in a
boarding house. She was unconscious.
Her face bore no traces of pain, but wore
sweet smile of resignation. The at
tending physician said that she had
taken laudanum, but that he hoped, with
skillful treatment, to resusitate her-to
fan into flame the smoldering embers
Of a life so pure and eminently useful.
I was so struck, Judge, by the whole
affair, that next day | called at the
clearinghouse and learned that the
young lady was much better. I sent in
my card with message that would
call the next day I called, and found
the yound lady sitting up. She received
me with a sad smile. [ was very much
impressed with her. Her voice was as
sweet as an orchestra when the musicians
seem to be softly reaching back to child
hood memories; and her face was as
serene as the waters In summer when
they seem to lie for moment under the
shade of bending tree before resuming
their course in the sun"
Estate your case" said the Judge.
'HThe waters of metaphor and law glide
together but a short distance and then
split by the wedge-shaped rock of prac-
ticability.
81 am stating the case, but I must
use my own language. | am novelist.
[ wrote the"
Never mind what you wrote; go on.
I am interested in your case" fa
81 loved the girl. I worshipped her,
and when. after few weeks acquaint-
ance, put my arm around her and drew
her pure life close to life that has seen
many rugged storms, I felt that cleo
tricity which only comes from batteries
operated by angels. She would marry
me, and the angelic fingers fell in pearly
showers on the electric machine. She
would marry me Immediately, and again
q shower of pearly fingers fell. We mar
ried, / took her to my home, my man.
sion, where we lived ioyously, in direct
communication with the wire from the
pearly fingers. Last night the circuit
closed and the electricity ceased.
"'Darling, [ said, how fortunate for
me that you attempted to kill yourself
eyes" she said, 'and how success
full I was, for had tried it several times
before in the East and failed!'
''tTried what?' I asked, eagerly.
"'Tried the dodge. Why, Bill,
haven't you got sense enough to know
that it was onlyan advertisement? Catch
me killing myself, win you? 1 paid that
doctor SIS for his part of the game, and
together we played off on the newspa-
per.
i've related the facts continued the
novelist, after short pause, "and I
want divorce rapidly"
Any more facts?" asked the Judge.
"None, only that my wife took all my
money and ran away this morning with
gambler. Can get divorced"
"You CAM replied the Judge with
enthusiastic sympathy.
The novelist, with sigh drawn from
the bottomless pit of trouble, blew a
section of a bad cold from his nose and
departed. - Cleveland Leader.