The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-12-16
HUMORs OF THE DAY,

BREACHES of courtesy-those worn ID
burlesque.
WE FEEL always sorry for great man
with the cholera morbus.
The bad boy takes the cake-away
from his little sister
"SwEET 16' has taken back seat.
The most utter age is now %.
A PRINTER who got his fingers In the
machine said he felt the power OF the
press.
No, MELINDA, you err. A man may
have water on the brain, yet not be IN
clined to burst into tears,
A Mormon never speaks of his better
half, but of his better eighth or six
tenth, as the case may be.
AMERICAN cheese was strong enough
to carry off the prize at fair IN BirIn-
irgham, England.-PicGgasae.
WEBSTER was an aesthetic, because he
enthusiastically says in his dictionary
that the verb speak is to utter.
"DoEs it pay to keep chickens ?" asks
q correspondent in Yellow Spring VI
course not, you lunatic it pays to sell
EN-.
A PROMINENT New York lawyer conf
dentially informs us that during ms eX-
perience he has never met with divorce
case but what there was a woman III II.
MONEY often leads men astray. Some
of them will run after dollar; but q
hound dog is more avaricious. de VIII
follow q scent.
A PARTY of San Juan ranchers made
bonfire of an Apache Indian, and the
coroner's jury returned verdict OF
Overcome by the heat. "
A COLLEGE iokefrom the Trinity TAB.
let: Fresh" May have the pleasure 2
Miss Society" Fresh-"What
does we mean?' Miss SO U
and 1.
A WET Sunday inclines a man to think
that perhaps he might have been happier
If he had been an umbrella.-14glel0s
Queen. He could then have Ga some
body to give him hoist.
AN amorous youth who stole kiss
from a pretty maiden in a Broadway
stage was fined 81 and costs. He fully
kisses are wholly unsatisfactory.
No, ANGEL, cake was not invented
by the Celestials. They were, however,
the originators of the Chinese cracker,
which makes up in noise what it lacks IN
nourishment
NEVER measure q mans intellect by
his size. Good wine is served up in
small glasses, and slop beer parades in
schooners in this county, Williams
port Breakfast Table.
WE ARE going to Arkansas and start
a paper, calling it Quirine and Whisky.
Everybody will take it.-Modera Argo.
Better call it Fever and Ague, for peo-
pie take that first. -SOmerUilLe Journal
Correct Shake -YGWcOb Strauss.
$50 TO-" the man said when the goat
helped him over the fence but he really
thought there must be half a dozen al
least. Ito tell the honest truth, he didn'i
say that at all but we can't print what
he really did say, and we have to print
something)
A HORNETS nest is said to be the best
polisher in the world for glass lenses.
But you want to do your polishing when
the hornet is not around to help you.
For what shall it profit man if he pol.
ish thousand glass lenses in one day
and one hornet catch him at it.
81 KNEW he was no saint, said the
parsons wife, referring to party who
occasionally attended church, but whose
piety her husband had been in the habit
of extolling. "No saint, my dear? ]
don't understand YOU" "Dont eh
Well, I sat in the pew next to him this
morning, and when he made believe to
get down to pray, his knee joints creaked
like the rusty hinges of an old barn
door. brooklyn Eagle.
AN EXCHANGE contains long list o.
the many devices fashionable young
ladies resort to, on the eve of gettinG
married, in order to improve their forms
compilations, and so forth. If the young
ladies are lean, they resort to diet o.
oat meal and cream and abstain from all
exercises, and if fat starve themselves
down. They go to the dentist and have
every tooth carefully examined, cleaned
Strengthened, whitened and repaired
and corn doctor, or pedicure, fixes M
their corns, bunions, ETC., and polishei
the nails of her feet and fingers. Super
fnous hair is removed, the face poulriced
for the complexion, and Turkish baths
taken to improve the general consti
nationality. All this is done by the young
lady in addition to the getting ups of hei
trousseau, and fully three months hare
work is undergone for the great event
With the young man, however, it is diff
ferent. He lounges about out doors Will
his best nan until it is time for the cere
mony to commence, when he spits out
his tobacco and goes in.--Peck'8 Sun.