davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

THIS WORLD is indeed desert if even
the mummies cannot be trusted. The last
batch have all gone wrong and worked such
immeasurable woe upon the chronological
tables that the furious archeologsts are
denouncing the Arabs as liars, thieves and
body-snatchers.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13
FREE ADVERTISING.

Advertisements Under the head Of f"situations
Wanted" and "Help Wantedr wiu hereafter
be inserted IN THE EVENING CRITIC three
times FREE. We inrito our friends ,cishing
situations or help 10 ardil themselves Of this
offer. Answers directed in care of Critic
Office ,ciU receive careful attention.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

They had been engaged to be married for
up courage enough to name the happy day.
one evening he called In n particularly
spoony frame of mind, and asked her to
sing him something tender and touching
something that would "movc" him. She sat
down mt the piano aud sang Daring,
am Growing Old ~
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

The correspondent of the Republican is
at fault as to the identity of the Cincinnati
Gd=ette's military critic. 1t is not Henry
Reed, but another Reed, who was chris
tened s. Romeo. The Republicans corre-
spondent should be more careful in his cas-
sificatiOn of Reeds. H,r
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

MR.. BooKwALTER pleads guilty to the
manufacture Of spurious coin and is bound
over in default of 5000 bail. The rumor
that this money was intended for use in the
Ohio campaign turns out to be mistake.
It's another Bookwalter
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

BY A PUBLIC SCHOOL in the United States
is meant an institution to which every child
is entitled to an entrance gratis, but in
England the same expression describes only
a school to which any pupil is eligible who
is able to pay considerable price for the
tuition. The price is unfortunately rising
every year, instead of falling to meet the
needs of the people.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

1T Is THOUGHT that Matthew Vassar
meant merely to leave memento of n
thousand dollars apiece to each of the seven
churches of Poughkeepsie, but a misplaced
leach" in his will presents the seven thou
sand to each of the churches. Not many
wills could bear so liberal a construction.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

WE NOTICE falling Off in receipts from
the sick-bed since Mrs. Edison retired from
business. DIR. Boynton is performing double
duty, and will soon ask for a months vaca-
tion on full pay.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

EVERY NOW AND THEN British soldier
in India lays down his pipe leisurely and
cracks the skull of crocodile with Min.
ME bullet, remarking that "it's cussed
shame to see that sacred devil eating up all
the pretty girls" Guiteaus and crocodiles
should roost low when irrcverent soldiers
are around,
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13
He Wooed Her Lang

There Is n young lady In Keolsuls, Iowa.
who Is six feet four. inches tall, and she Is
engaged TO be married. The man who won
my soul aglow--Id wed thee, right on
wrong; man wants but little here below.
but wants that little-IOnp y ~
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

THE PEOPLE along the Ohio River, where
it takes three days for letter to travel be-
tween points only fifty miles apart since
the Postmaster-General's master-stroke of
retrenchment in cutting off the steamboat
service, will be glad to hear that the
system is established on permanent
basis {"
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

The INTENSE intensity of West Point
was enlivened on last Sunday morning by
the sudden retirement of all the walters of
large hotel. The few substitutes that
could be gathered in were cheerfully as
sisted in their duties by the gentlemen
guests, and the incident added amusement
to the entertainment.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

AS CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER is noted
as severe critic, the context is needed to
the just appreciation of his statement that
the moral tone of the American newspaper
is higher, as rule, than that of the com.
munity in which it is published" Perhaps
1t is the community that Mr. Warner is
sitting down on.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13
A Radical Iudustrv.

Certain Ohio Republicans temporarily
amusing themselves by eounterfeiting
nicSels, II ut large they would probably
have been engaged in II much smaller
business than this --'. ''N'N.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

THE INTERVIEW between the Empcrors
was imposing no doubt, but the sense of tho
meeting was taken when Bismarck shook
hands with Giers.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

THEY HAVE declared Rev. DIR. Thomas a
hereto in Chicago. He will now have more
business than he can attend to.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13
PAY Thcm by tI,e Yea,.

Augusta Chronicle.
MI, Waterman's suggestion of paying our
should haye short and busy sessions then.
FER diem is an invention OF the devil
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

ALL cITy-wARD railways are grand
trunk lines at present.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

WHILE WE MOURN the prolonged alb
sence of the important Howgate, we are con-
soled by the information that he had con-
siderable of the current coin invested in
mining and other stocks, on which he could
easily realize enough to skip in STYLE This
will be cheerful intelligence to the various
bondsmen and creditors who are aching
over his sad fate.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13
CheerIess Prospect.
Milwaukee Republican.

milwaukee, Republican,
with coal at $S and whisky at 25 cents n
drink, the Chicago man Will find 1t cxDen.
siYe 70 keep warm this winter.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13
BUSINESS CHANCES.

WAiNSTED FOR CAsH-wE ARE AUTHOR.
wv lzed TO purchase several good houses or nm
improved lots, northwest or viii accsnt u inen ar,
gHoS mfsrgn @ at low rates. please
HOMER & SON, 1912 ST. NV. seia-In,
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13
BOARDING.

tsS BOARD, with large rooms. at
Board Sror resna; ~ aye, opposite National Hotel
70 10y per day. Terms to suit for families. Mrs.
- - owoiu, PIoPrletress. ocl7d
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13
PERSONAL.

A YOUNG GENTLEMAN OF REFINE
ment desires acquaintance with an agreeable
spPend part Of afternoons. Address LEiSIJR1E ID
hoOhS, Critic office, making appointment
sel23ts rF''''
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13
DEn1ONGEOT ss co.

Importers Of HUMAN HAIR AND PERFUM.
and to order, Eau de Quinlne, instantaneous Hair
Tye s Ostrich Feathers Prepared Dyed and curled.
OF New York. eIo Ninth st, opp, u. s. Pat on
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

t'oM o6saA $500 LOT IN VINELAND, N. u.
- :, I1 rect on Boulevard st. and 1850 feet On WOOD
ST.; es between pei two railroads, fronts on one; inn
brI,TTGi1D ~ sX Or seven fine buildings; the corner
WSnagI,rof S1fage OF carriages also, blacksmith and
inss rr snop oiice 15x2O IT,; the other build
q sf'y y,nsld insured ior $1,000 VIM II. MAIN 4 BRO,
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

A kAHE CHANCE-FOR SALI-FARM IN
"A Prince Georges county Md. ten niies fra,, ~,
Wilson'S station. containing so acres 200 choice
@ lru,t treesLappies, peaches; pears, qunces dam
iarge id ana comiortable house and necessary out,
Dulldlngs. Address II. j. A.. Critic nfllce n,ioo
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

EoR SALE : EIGHT ACRES OF LAND
bv ona wnlm M "a miles OF Vineland N. il improved
rooms; rooms; built under the supervision of The
s,"h,as WHO wi.out regard to cost with large barn,
proved style; water in both dwelling and out
ny ncuses a iand rich; choice frus the furniture ia
~ p uie lncst quality and will he sold with the
mouse; mouse; q great bargain: Apply to w. H. Main &
ave. ~ ~ anu ~.
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

kNoK SAIE-New and secondhand corpea
49,, a. coupeettes, landaus, landaulettes coupe rock,
aways extension tops, jump seats, phietons, bug
ges, ylllage carts, surreys &c. Ali work war
r"h'eo 10 pe asre represented. PRICES LOW.
ROBT H. GRAHAM;
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

"ANTED-A COLORED GIRL FOR WATT
w Ing and chamberwork, and to assist with
washing and plain sewing; best of references re-
Quireu. 2ib0 L st. n. my
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

INVh "a LEIFarm OF ninety acres near Wash.
| H. mgton suited 70 gardening, darying or farm
ing; VIII be sold at very little more than half is
value; owner, not being a farmer has no ,,se fos
II. Apply at 221 ID st. n. W. ' madtf III
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

Noh SAL d OR EXCHANGE-33 ACRES OF
very line land, 20 acres of which Is bottom
d ,and, watered,by neyer-failing springs, Improved
M oy a me Dwelling OF II rooms, with wide porch
, on tnree sides, surrounded by shade trees and
shruoDery, and water at the door; also a tenant
@ ho,.se o, rooms barn and stable for Is COWS and
norses. nen mouse, Ice house and other ont bniid
inGs the place Is well fenced, and is located 2
1es III ,s,i hortheast s nom the city, on fine road
dniry n arm or to fruit and vegetables; viii be sold
" W efffhMngea ~ ~ ior city property cash Apply TO
81 st. and Penna ave. Aio'ei' ScitS; c1tS;
The Evening critic., 1881-09-13

WANTED-BY A YOUNG MARRIED MAN,
" situation Of some kind, outdoor preferred.
Audress A. H., Critic Office. SCI
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20
Democratic MILK.

1t will be remembered that
when Garfield went to Washing
ton, and it was announced that
he would keep a cow, the Sun ad-
vised him to do so, and by all
means to buy a Democratic cow.
We never knew how the advice
turned out, whether he bought q
COW of a democrat, or not, until
he began to recover from the as
sassin's wound, but when we saw
it in a paper that the President
was drinking milk with a dash of
rum in it, we knew that the adj
vice had been needed. There are
few cows in the country that give
milk with dash OF rum in it, and
those few are generally owned by
Democrats. We know that the
milk from that Democratic COW,
with the dash of rum, saved the
life of Garfield, and We don't care
what the temperance societies say
about it. Doctors are all right in
their place, feeling around for bull
lets, and talking learnedly about
peritOnitjs, and perforated liver,
but Democratic milk is what finds
the spot.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

Fra ROces, the celebrated but
eccentric preacher Of Naples, once
scared his congregation in the
most beneficial way. He preach
eti tremendous sermon on the
inevita bic consequences Of a sinful
lie. His bearers were in con :
vulsion Of excitement, with the
blazing picture Of a sulphurous
retribution before their magma
tons. All at once he stopped in
the very midst Of an eloquent APP
peal and cried out, "Now, all who
sincerely repent Of their sins hold
up their hands" Every hand in
the assembly was up in an in
stant. The preacher looked upon
the scene for one awful moment,
and then addressing the higher
powers. exclaimed: "Foly Arcn-
angel Michael, thou who with
thine adamantine sword staudest
at the right of the judgment seat
OF God, hew me off every hand
which has been raised hypocriti-
ca!ly" II ca instant nearly eve-
ry hard had dropped to its own
er's side.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20
Lost His Unticrpinnfng.
Boston Courier.

Timblethorpe, who had not at
tended church for some time,
thought he would go the other Sun
day, and as he did not have time to
shave himself, he concluded that he
would not make his appearance in
the sacred edifice until after the
services had begun When he got
there, however, lie found that there
were great many people evidently
of the same mind as himself, for the
rear pews were all full. The polite
sexton seeing his annoyance told
him there were plenty OF seats up
the aisle, and Timblethorpe, asham-
ed to turn back now that he bad
placed himself at the religious plow,
proceeded through the dim light to-
ward the chancel. He looked right
and left, but could find no place un-
til he reached the vicinity of the
pulpit, when he espied long
pew with only a lady and a
small boy in it. They occupied the
upper end of it, and he modestiy
took his position at the opposite ex-
extremity. He devoutly proceeded
to kneel, when the kneeling bench
shot up like a rocket and struck the
small boy, who was standing of
course, under the chin. An unearth-
ly yell shot through the church, all
the members of the congregation
sprang to their feet, and the music
of the choir was completely drowned.
The next thing Timblethorpe knew
was that he was being escorted down
the aisle by two policemen, prepare
tory to being locked up on charge
of malicious assault. 1t was not till
the next day that the sexton discov-
cred that some mischievous boy had
twisted off the underpinning of the
kneeling bench at Timblethorp's end
of the pew. Timbethorpe was dis
charged from custody, but he says
that no saint ever endured so much
modification as he, and that he is
sure of Heaven if he never goes to
church again.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

HSbssSSA~ Will
IMPLEMENTS !!
| am offering the Best
Grain & Fertilizing Drill
in the world, Of which l am the Inventor
and Patentee. Ist. 1t is the only perfect
force feed Drill made; it will not shake
out more grain or drop it in buRchts in
seeding over rocky or unlevel ground. 3D.
twill not wear or break Off The germ OF
the Grain while passing through the grain
feeder as is the case with iron force-feed
drills. Sd 1t is the only Fertilizer sower
that has pstent sharp edge feed openings
which cannot be pasted shut with wet or
damp fertilizers, and which will cut up
Jumps, sticks, bones, nails, &c, which are
rometines found in fertilizers, without
injuring feed openings or the drill in any
way. 4th 1t is the only Drill that has
patent Main Frame which throws axle
piece out of the way so that the hoes or
shovels in passing over distractions when
used or thrown zg-Zag, can go up and
back without interfering with axle-rail of
the Drill, thereby avoiding great strain
and oftentimes bFeakage CT the machine
9Th. 1t is the only Drill that has hoe
shifter rails to which the drag bars are
attached and arranged, one in rear and
one in front ofmain-frame rail, ON which
he tongue is taste ned; by this patent the
main frame is shortened and a great
weight taken from the horses necks. 6.a
1t is the only Spring-hoe Drill that has
patent check link which holds the pressure
from gum spring; the spring Is only used
in passing over distractions, thereby re-
lieving spring of constant wear. 7th. 1t
is the only Drill that has patent Side
block, giving shovels any desired angle,
and allowing the grain to be put in at
any depth desired, the same in hard or
mellow ground.
examine and straighten up every Drill
before it leaves my place of business, thus
oftentimes saving purchasers from annoy
ance and loss of time when they are ready
to commence seeding Thousands of fal-
mers who are using my Drill, and have
used all other makes will testify to It's su-
superiority, as set forth above.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20
Prospects oftle Wheat Crop

The New York Commercial Bul-
letin discusses at some length the
prospects of the wheat crop and the
likely necessities of foreign markets.
According to the July estimates of
the agricultural bureau at Washing
ton, the wheat crop of the present
year will only equal about SO per
cent, of that of 1880. This, the Bul-
letin says, will make a shortage Of
about 100000 bushels, but that
this may be in measure compensa-
ted for by the extra acreage planted.
If, however, the acreage should be
found to run about even with that
of 1880, we shall have production of
400 ,000, 900 bushels, as against 4S0,-
100000 last year. But, on the other
hand, the Bulletin states that the
Pacific States hold surplus from
last years crop of about 2S,00O, 900
bushels. At the beginning of July,
the wheat afloat for Europe and the
visible supply in the United States
and Canada. was 100000 bushels
greater than at the same period of
1880; to which must be added 7 600
600, bushels as representing the in
crease of stocks in farmers hands
east of the Mississippi as compared
with a year ago. These combined
items reduce the deficiency in actual
supply 100000 bushels as COM
pared with year ago.
1t is yet to early to estimate the
demands which wheat.importing
countries are likely TO make upon
the United States, but all recent ac-
counts are to the effect that Euro.
pean halv.stsl will generally prove
good. The French harvest, with
few exceptions, will be excellent,
while those of Hungary and Russia
will be abundant. The Bulletin ar
CUES that Russia, after supplying
her own needs, will have 10000, 900
bushels of wheat for export, and
that Great Britain and France, from
operating causes, will not require
the quantities imported during the
past two years.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

REAL FRIENDSHIPS trL G
heart has given expression TO its
generous nature in the following
beautiful sentiment:
Never desert q friend when enc
mics gather around him. When
sickness falls on the heart, when
the world is dark and cherries, is
the time TO try a true friend.
They who turn from q scene of
distress betray their hypocrisy
and prove that interest moves
them. If you have "A friend who
loves you, studies your interest
and happiness, be sure and sustain
him in adversely. Let him feel
that his former Kindness is appre-
ciated, and that his love is not
thrown away. Real fidelity may
be rare but ii exists in the heart.
Who has not seen and felt its
power? They deny its worth who
never loved a friend, or labored to
make friend happy.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

ss because 1t cleanses the system of TIC poison
= Gus hutnorE that develope in Kidney and Urf-
y mary Diseases, Biliousness, Jauodicc, Consei-
4 patton, Piles, or in Rheumatism, NoGrale.7,
Z Nervous Disorders and Female Com sl1inta.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20
CHAMPION GRAIN FAN.
American Cider Mill.

The best Fan in the market. am al
Offering the
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

Jack Hughes, one ofthe villains
who served term In the Joliet
prison for an attempt to rob the
grave of Abraham Lincoln, was
identified by James Cheasbro, of
Cortland, ILL.,, as the person who
knocked him down and took $500
from him on Fridy last.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

PETERsoN'S MAGAZINE for Sep
TENDER is at hand, as usual, ahead of
all others. The leading feature, for
this month, is an elegant steel en-
craving, "Blind Milton Debating
Paradise Lost to his Daughter"
after the world famous picture by
Munkacsy, the great Hungarian
artist. 1t is accompanied by an il
Illustrated article on Milton's Life
and Poetry, that is of much higher
character than such articles ordi-
narily are. The usual double-siZe
colored steel fashion'plate a specially
of this magazine; the usual colored
head of Lady Washington, to be
worked on Java canvas; the usual
array OF engravings of the fashions,
patterns for the work table, ETC.,
etc, make up the other embellish-
ments. Among the stories, there is
powerful one, 1.-THE Crimson
Phial," by Lucy II. Hooper; and
two novelets, THE Siege of York
town." by Mary V. Spencer, and
1.-The American Countess" by. Ann
s. Stephens, are continued; bat all
the stories, in fact, are good. Every
lady ought to be a subscriber to
Peterson" it combines more, for
less money, than any other. The
price is but two dollars year, with
great reductions to clubs and costly
premiums to the person getting up
the club. 1t is not too soon, either,
to begin...to get up clubs for 1882.
Specimens are sent gratis for this
purpose, if written for. Address,
CHAs. j. PETERSON, 306 Chestnut
street, Philadelphia.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

THE BLUE RIDGE WATER
OUT-Tbe recent rain storm in
the neighborhood ofSnickersville,
was the mOst severe ever known
in that locality. The Alexandria
Gazette says. 4" On the summit of
the Blue Ridge, which overlooks
Smokers Gap, there is plateau
Of table land which Is cultivated.
A few houses cluster together
forming village on the main
road through the gap. On this
high table land the water descend
ed as If from cataract ia the
heavens. For some minutes the
water was breast deep on the top
of the mountain. and it swept
down the side of the mountain in
a resistless torrent, carrying ev-
erything before it. Rocks of
many tons weight were torn from
their foundations and carried
down into the valley. The village
was nearly destroyed and the road
was furrowed and torn up, pits
twenty feet deep being washed
out in some places. The turnpike
on the Blue Ridge, leading to Ber-
ryville, was washed out for a quar-
ter of a mile, completely cutting
off all communication with that
village. 1t will require quite a
large sum of money to repair the
damage to the road. Ia Suckers
vile the storm did a great deal OF
damage, flooding and carrying
away stables, carriages and Wag-
ons. Gardens were OverhoWed,
and everything washed out Of
them, but nowhere did the lorna
do exhibit the violence with which
it passed through the rift in the
mountains.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

A. A. THOMAS, corner Of Ninth and F.
Streets, Washington, D. O., attends to
Pension and Back Pay. Bounty Claims
collected. Contested Land Claims, Min
eral and Agricultural, attended 20 before
the Department of the Interior and Su-
preme Court. Land Warrants, Land Scrip
and Addition Homesteads purchased and
cold. (apr23-tf.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

q SEE WHAT PEOPLE ShE:
* Eugene lB. StorS, OF Junction City. Kansas,
"a 'a}S kidney-Wort cured him after regular Ply-
4 seian5 had been trying for four years
) Nr'. John Arnall, of Washington, Ohio, says
Il hHt 10Y was given up to die by four prominent
a elans and that be was afterwards cured by
5A4Gney Wort.
i y. y. =. Goodwin, nm edit9riu Chat6on Ohio,
sfTsle wos not expeet"G + live, Being L,outcG
beyond belief but Kidney Wort cure li.a.
:; Anna l.. Jarrett of South Salem, n. y, savs
= 'tscvcn years suffering from hiAne~ tsotjo.c as
'e&td Other complications was ended - ths tse of
ee.uHcy Wort.
\ John 3. Lawrence of Jackson, Tenn. suffered
y FOR years from liver and kidney troubles and
Fnf'cr taking "barreis of other medicines, +"
4 Kidney Wort made him we'll.
= Michael Coto of Montgomery Cantor, W.
z 'ib"r2d eight years with Kidney difHc'H5y GIG
/, 'Tas rnahle to work. kidney Wort H,Sau him
n well 0scvCr."
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

The pocket. books, swung from
the arm, and which at present are
all the rage with the ladies, are
being displaced in New York and
Cincinnati by market baskets
with curled and frizzled poodle
dogs tucked snugly within.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20
The Comet Frightening Up.

The new comet is rapidly increas-
ing in size as it nears the earth, and
but for the bright moonlight it
would be already conspicuous OBJ
ject to the naket eye. The telescope
shows a dense nucleus, surrounded
by mass OF gaseous matter, which
on one side extends into short,
club-shaped tail. The comet gives
promise of being a splendid object
after it has passed its perihelion, in
the latter part of the month. 1t
would not be surprising if this visi-
tor rivalled or exceeded the great
comet of 1858 in splendor, since it
has so far given greater promise than
that comet did at a similar stage in
its Development. At present it can
only be seen shortly before sunrise.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

THREE DEATHS IN AN HOUR.
On Tuesday of last week at Coal
Valley, on the Chesapeake & Ohio
Railway, there were three violent
deaths in ar hour. A negro man,
name unknown, was stabbed to
death in a row. A ~hite man by
the name Of Caru.dy ods drown
ed while bathing IA the river, and
an old miuer ualnsd Joel Harper,
having been on debauch. died
suddenly from the heat of the sun,
the coroner's jury called ii sun
stroke.
Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-08-20

1t is a difficult thing for a dog
without tail to show his master
how much he thinks of him.