Litchfield enquirer., 1881-08-18

When tue bold Highlander went courting he tersely introduced himself, .tAnn Saxon, I am Roderick Dhu." Ann replied. "Dhu tell r
 ..Malaria," said the Old Orchard Beach landlady, 'well mo- haven't got it folks haint asked for it. but we Fl get it for yonr family"
 The international medical congress would 1 not admit the lady doctors. The ladies look ed SO killing, the male physicians were nat urally jealous.
 Severe-F Frugal landlady of boarding house. "Coming home to dinner, Mir. Brown?" Hearty boarder-"Well, p'r'aps. If don't feel hungry.' ~ Stranger: eHave there ever been any wrecks at Nantaset? ?" Gracious More schoon- CTS have gone down there than at any other point on the coast.
 Oh, let the women vote If they want to. Any woman who supports husband and fam- fly of children is capable of supporting the constitution.
 A Boston man claims to have been born with bullet in his liver but that's not the question just now. Has he been weighed in the induction balance?
 The Mikado of Japan is to have new nal- ace at Yeddo, which will cost $5, 600, 900. Mike has evidently had some American con- tractors figuring on the job. A handsome Connecticut woman was ap- pointed constable the other day because there is nothing like pretty woman to catch man.
 Niagara Falls is so brilliantly illuminated by the electric light every evening that after paying the hackman you can easily see wheth- CT there is anything left in your pocketbook.
 It is useless to argue with awoman when she is angry.-[BostoD Star. Yes All the argument in the world won't convince her that lodge meetings kept up till 8. m.
 Bend man, and Eli promptly challenged him to duel. When the fatal hour arrived Eli was Tn Chicago and the other man was in In. dianaoolis.
 He promised to cleave to her, and when they went to the theatre and he came back between the acts with piece of cork in his whiskers, she knew from the fragrance he ex. haled that he clove
 Someone wrote to Horace Greeley inquiring if guano was good to put on potatoes. He said it might do for those whose tastes had be. come vitiated with tobocco and rum, but he preferred gravy and butter.
 pretty g,rl out West told her beau that she was mind-reader. 'sYou don't say so :" he exclaimed. "Yes" said she You have it in mind to ask me to be your wife, but you just little scared at the idea" Their wedding cards are out.
 the Irish skirmishers want to ship something more terrible than internal machine to England let them buy that ertter before the United States army secures it as Gatl!ng gun.
 Bob Ingersoll wouldn't have been flung out of the capitol building If he had been elected congress- as Bradlaugh was out of the house of commons. None of our members obliged to believe in God If they happen to it is simply streak of luck.
 A Rhode Island man called neghbor a "lantern- -1awed cockroach." A suit for slan- der resulted and the jury returned as follows: ''Not guilty of lantern jawed, but way off on cockroach, and we find damages in the sum of three cents"
 Next time you shiver at having tooth pull ed, think of Joseph Brooks of Colorado. He lay still and let bear chew his arm off, and thereby saved the rest of his body. Come to read the item over again it was a wooden arm, but Joseph wasn't to blame for that
 Statistics show that out of every five hun. dred men who feel in the spring that it would be nice to have little garden, only six ever get farther than feeling so. Six is just the proportion of Iunatics to every five hundred population.
 Ben. Butler scouts the idea of his having accepted a retainer from Guitea, and says he hasent fallen low enough to do that yet As Guiteau's wealth is at present confined to bruised nickel and a quarter with hole in it, Ben. Buffers head is evidently as level as evCr.-
 An editor in charge of religious newspaper the scientific discovery that ederosrries are not so named because they older than any other ber- ries They derived their name from the fact that an elder of church first discovered their color by sit tlng down upon . bunch of them at . picnic.
 lady barber of Homer H.. has shut up shop to marry , wealthy farmer with whom she scraped an acquaintance and may be expected to razor quoa of
 little shavers to help the world along She is said te be yourg. handsome and accomplished, and in the words of a native of her town, ''slung as slick blade as any galoot in the burg"
 "Papa." said an lnqusitive boy, 'this morning the dominic prayed for more ram and this afternoon Deacon Bixby prayed for dry weather to get his hay in. Now if the Lord loves the deacon and the dominIe just the same, what do you suppose he will do about it?" My son." answered the old man stern- ly. "whenever you want to ask foolish ques- tions gs to your mother; don't come to me-"
 And yet he was not happy: A little North Side boy of four years was much astonished when he awoke one morning last week to find little sister Tn his mothers arms. "Where did it come from?" he asked, with his eyes wide open. "From God" was the reply. ''Who brought it?" was the next very natural inquiry. "An angel" He thought for mo- ment and then exclaimed, "Oh, mamma, why did't you catch the angel, too?" '.How delightful to enjoy. the companionship for which the soul lepgeth." said he, his arm natur ally drfted across the back of the next chair. "Indeed And is that companionship, you speak of so feelngly. anything-that can-assist-you- 2" inquired she with hesitating languor. "Ye-e-s. Oh, Adelaide. even the stars seem to look down upon with their benedictinns, and the comet lights up with additional glow if our happi- ness added new ray to it's lustre-" st Augustus, you're just to sweet for anything. We will go to the excursion tomorrow, wont we T" But Augustus rephed not. He hadn't but $1 IS in his purse tickets for the round trip cents each 45
 The headline artist of the fargo Oak ) Argus tackles a column of religious notices in Sunday morning edition as follows o sinner, who the Long Week Through for Mam- mon Workest We'll The Town-site Drop. Likewise Thy Crop. List to the Sunday Bell It Rings the Sale of Golden Lands to All Who'd