The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1881-12-29
OUR ALLEGED NAVY.
An Unofficial Report Of an Inspec-
ton by the Secretary.
New York Graphic.I

GHdG SUCK uprlSnC ike Tue rest!
asked the secretary Of the navy of
the commandant of the navy yard,
pointing to the bowsprit Of the
vessel. Chats the bowsprit," said
the commandant. "Bowsprits never
stick up. They are very meek and
lowly in their ways"
"What are those holes for?" asked
the secretary, pointing to the open
hatchways.
"Why have you made such deep
excavations in the vesselP'
"The ship is built around these
holes" said the commandant, "but
they extend no farther than the
water. If they did the ship would
sink"
"Were you ever in storm at scar"
asked the secretary.
"Only once replied the com
mandant. at was in a typhoon in
longitude 81, off the equator. We
were blown clean out OF the water
twice, and spunNforss miles through
the air like a balloon.
81 shall never forget the appear
ance of the sea as we looked down
upon it from the clouds. We got
down safely to water at last and tied
the ship to water spout. twas a
terrible time" l
"Deary, deary me-" said the
secretary, chow interesting. And
you lived through it all? Tell us
some more. But let me inquire,
first, is the capstan of a vessel equal
in rank to a captain?"
"In ordinary times" said the COM
mandant, ''the captain outranks the
capstan. But the captain always
takes command of the ship when
the anchor is weighed
Indeed" replied the secretary.
"But where is your fourth castle? l
do not behold any castle on board
at ALL"
Fourth castle! Fourth castle
What do you mean, secretaryY
asked the amazed commandant.
"Why, in all sea tales, I've read
of the fourth CASTLE" said the secre-
tary.
"Oh, you mean the 'foksstle, >"
said the commandant.
"The what?" said the mystifed
secretary.
Observation-Disclosures where
the crew live. Down there" said
the commandant.
"Why, it's a hole" said the secrc-
tary. Captain, 1 do not approve
of your keeping your men in such
dark, damp cellars. They'll catch
the rheumatic"
"And do the sailors really climb
up thereY' asked the secretary,
pointing aloft-"up those little rope
ladders? How perilous."
"They do" replied the comman-
dant of the navy yard.
81 must improve on that" said
the secretary. 81 will introduce a
great reform in the service. I will
save the life of many a gallant tar.
Let all the masts be provided with
hydraulic elevators"
cit shall be DONE" replied the
commandant.
"Call the officer Of the WATCH"
suddenly demanded the secretary;
then remarking aside: "Pll show him
that know something about ships"
The officer appears.
"Officer," said the secretary,
"show us your watches. want to
see if they're all in good order"
"Sir, the watches were all sent on
shore this morning to be cleaned"
replied the officer of the watch.
That's pretty work." growled
the secretary. why, where's the
ships jeweler? How do suppose
you would have the correct time if
you were to keep an engagement
with an enemy?"
1--WE should take the sun previ-
ously," replied the officer of the
watch.
Il do not wish you to take the
Sum-" Numbered the secretary. az
will not allow the Sun to be taken
On this or any other United States
7essel. You do not need the Sun.
It is a villainous, vicious paper
bright, and edited with a certain
Of Satanic ability, admit,
nut demoralizing to the correct dis
.ipline Of the navy. If you desire
o take anything, take the Evening
Post or the Philadelphia Ledger.
Take good, heavy paper that will
erve to balance both the ship and
our minds. Well, sir, if you have
o watches on board, show us your {
locks. You are officer Of the
locks as well as the watches, are
GU notP
AYE. aye, sir?" said the officer
f the watch.
al L! What in the world makes
Oh so egOtistical in expressing :
oursef2 Why don't you say yes, !
r, like a white man2' said the
Eyes, sir. But am sorry to say
lat it was necessary to reef the
'ndulums of all our clocks during
e last gale, and they've not been !
laken out yet"
and what's all thatI banging : !.
r?" said the secretary. els it a
wal engagement27
"We are firing the. customary sa- Y
te of nineteen guns in your hon :,
;" said the commandant.
"Oh, you are, are you. Are there
lllets in any Of EN-? Are they
United this way2 l don't like it, '
makes me nervous. / shall have
at practice stopped. Comrnan- b
mt, after this fire arIVils or toy Il
stols, and save powder. Dear me, g
Chester would only let me stay in, a
w cheap L could run our navy. 1 t,
Mid abolish the ships altogether. 81
eve got hardly any now, and so o
, as those are concerned that we a
We, We might as we'll have none y
all. Good morning, Comman- Il
MT" q
Coussens' Honey of Tar will relieve v
'ere coughs of long standing, and ei
i've blessing to all who suffer with 2
ections of the throat and lungs, and is
offered the public as the best
nedy in the world. In our rigorous =.