The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1881-04-15
Hamlet from a Granger Standpoint.

!
Two grangers from Green County, who
were in here with some hogs, and who
were stopping at the Stock Yards Hotel,
came up town "Wednesday night TO see
sHamlet' at the Opera-h0nse. They
sat on front seat, and the audience no
ticed all through the play that they were
not pleased, and when they got into IN
| Elizabeth street car after the perform
ance. those IN the car got pretty good
idea of what the trouble was.
''Weu. Lige, how did it strike You? p
said the sandy whiskered one, as he bit
off piece of navy plug and handed the
plug back to his friend.
/ 20. it didn't strike me. All | want Is
| to live to get back to the tavern and find
/ that red headed Norwegian hotel keeper
! that told me Hamlet was n burlesque
| opera, with can-can girls. Call that a
place of amusement? l suppose n place
| of amusement Is where n man goes to
/ laugh. [ don't want nobody to charge
me a dollar to see funeral procession,
and listen to fellow dig a grave and
/ sing obscene songs l tell you, Ezra, it
( don't look right to see skulls thrown
! around on the stage And as for dlggln'
/ graves, there is a man IN Monroe that can
| dig two graves 10 that fellow 5 one
/ 20. yes. hut Lige, people in cities like
| to see funerals played III the theaters.
/ They never attend funerals unless they
are the corpse. or some of their relatives
/ die In the country we all turn ont to a
| funeral, and it is no novelty to us. You
must think Of the acting says Ezra.
"Wen, when | come in here with any
more hogs, and l want to enjoy myself, |
! shall go out to the cemetery, or to the
| insane asylum. 1t Just made me sick TO
see that poor crazy girl, Ofeely, taking
ON about her father that Gimlet killed
with a scythe, and when them boys up in
| the loft begun to cheer her l felt like
! gong and kicking them all down stairs,
| and then saving my prayers. Any man
| that Will make fun of crazy girl amt
| fit TO live. | tell you | felt so bad for
| that girl l was cussed glad when the
! hired girl come in and said she was
! drownded."
Hamlet was bully. I thought He
could talk 'em all blind, and knew more
/ than the whole lot. Lige, do you think
! ne was crazy?" asked Ezra.
Crazy, no. He was n blasted fool.
| Say. Ezra, have n little sense now. Sup
pose your father was dead and your
mother was married again to that fellow
/ that looked like Southside saloon keep
er, and some ghost should come bowling
ing around you, with pants made of tin
foil. n mosquito blanket on, and tin
waShbaSin on his head, and point at you
I with n tin dinner horn, and tell You that
the saloon keeper caught your father
/ asleep ont in the sugar bush and poured
/ pepper sauce in his ear and killed him,
and told You to go around gnashing your
/ teeth for revenge, and snatching your
| mother bald headed, wouldn't you think
1t was put up job, and they were play
ing YOU for a sardine? OF course You
would, and you would belt him one IN tire
jaw, and tell the ghost 10 go and soak his
head. Now. wouldn't yOu?'
''Well. may be. Iige, but Hamlet
PLAYED his part well, didn't hep"
Certainly. The young man did SPLEEN
/ didly, considering the play he had, but
| know school teachers in Green County
that can write a better play than that
| during recess. Hamlet was no gentleman
10 treat that girl the way he did. He
loved her. and she loved him, and then
he went back on her, and jabbed her
father. and set her crazy. and when he
happened to stumble onto her funeral IN
! the graveyard he wanted TO get up n cry
! ing match with the girls brother and
| jump into the grave OIL the coffin, and act
/ up, and put ON style. and break up the
| funeral. O. get out | don't like that
! way Of doing business. 4 man that
hain't got no more sand than that couldn' t
! get Job driving hogs for me. What he
| ought to have done was to marry the
| girl, and any court IN Wisconsin would
have made him marry her or pay fine. -
Il guess you're more than half right.
| Lige, but how did you like the way it
| wound up? There wasn't enough left
| for quorum, was there p said Ezra
80, there was killing enough, for some
but it wasn't what You would call sangui-
nary. Let's see, how many were there
that passed in their chips. There was
| drowned. the old woman. she drank that
/ soda water with the vinegar bitters in it,
and went off behind the scenes. I sup
| pose she Is dead by this time Hamlet
run his sabre into the king and he went
off to hunt his hole, and the chances are
he is dead. Then Hamlet and L1rtes
| punctured each other, and they died to
! slow music. Was there any more, Ezro?"
Not as I see. There was some of
those supers holding up the corpses
There had to be enough left to bury the
dead"
eyes, says Lige, as the car turned in
| TO Elizabeth street. "Some of them did
get away, but they didn't amount to any
thing. The best of the gang was killed
in one way or another. What theyonght
to have had to wind mp the business, was
a nitro glycerine explosion. or a railroad
accident. with the air full of legs and
arms. 1t was too tame. For funeral OBJ
sequies, Hamlet is a good play, Sut for
business give me Buffalo Bill We get
off here, Ez. Watch me kill that land
lord when we get to the house. Egad l
can't help thinking how confounded mean
that Hamlet treated his mother. Why,
she had a right to get married again. -
/ PICKS SIN