The home journal. (Winchester, Tenn.) 1858-188?, 1881-02-23
Mr.. Weedles and His Girl.

The dtess circle was adorned by dys-
peptic-lookmg girl, with big feet, who
mad brown wart ON her face and GER
tain look sbout her which plainly told
that she was fresh from boarding-school.
Beside her sat long, gawky young
man, who was from the country, and
evidently smitten with the charms OF
the yonng lady by his side, upon whom
he would ever and anon bestow the most
tender glances. During an intermlssion
in tflc play he turned to her, and, IN
voice as tender as q sirloin steak, SAID
"Don't yer think it's awful warm III
thi, ere theater, Miss Mary?"
She lei fall on him languid, plying
glance, and then replied:
"Ah yes, there exists a certain de-
gree of coseness which is deleterious to
the comfort of ones physical beng
but, my dear Mr.. Weedles, you are no
donbt perfectly aware OF the fact that
chemistry teaches us that the eXhala-
tions of so many individuals carbonizcS
the entire atmosphere, yitiating 1t to II
degree which renders it poisonous to the
respiratory organs, as we'll as to the
corpuscles in the blood, producing nau
sea, and i'll some gases syncope. You
can see at p glance, Mr.. Wecdles, that
this is caused By the lack of oxygen. "
eyes, know eni, that Is, I've read
of EN-, bnt hain't never seen any yet,
as | know on Int when Bill Wilkins,
at their protracted meeting down on
Goose creek, said that the heart was Il
part f the stomach, / told him it was
the derndest lie he ever spoke"
"Oh, dear how absurd it was in him
to make such statement. Why, don't
You know that the palptation OF the
yiscus generates subtle electrical force
which is the most mysterious, wonderful
and startling power which propels the
anatomy OF the genus homo?"
"I-I have---yes, I've heern tell of it
afore, but | don't stick myself up as
knowing every thing. l amt that kind
Of man. The folks used to say--and
was powerful proud of it--that [ warn't
no sloucher on grammer; but won't
you have some peanuts, Miss Mary"
and he wiped the cold perspiration from
his brow, and trembled with nervous
| ness.
"None, thank you, Mr.. Weedlcs
peanuts have strange effect on my
gastronomical organs" "
81 didn't mean to hurt your feelings,
Miss Mary, because you recollCct before
you went off to school that | used to
bring you peanuts, and we used to sit
astraddle the garden fence and eat them.
Don't you remember how your old
mother used to say that new peanuts
were awful colicky? Them We're happy
days, Miss Mary" and the humble lover
sighed us low rs note on bass-iddle.
"Oh, Mr.. Weedles" she said, blush
jngly, "I want to ask you something,
Did you not say on one occasion that |
was possessed Of moiety of the divine
anlatus, and that you thought l was IL
being entirely too seraphic and ethereal
to exist ON this mundane sphcre?"
"Miss Mary said the lover, and his
eye flashed and breast heaved, cts
q mean, underhand lie. Inever said q
word ag'in you in my life, and I'll just
be eternally goldurned if | can't just
naturally walk the log of any man who
tries to scandalize me behind my back
| always said Miss Mary Jones was the
sweetest girl in the country, and"
But the curtain went up, and the rest
of the conversation was lost i'll the crash
OF the orchestra.