The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1881-05-19
FAOETL&
A busy retail grocer,

A Dusy EeG4u grocer
Whom we all surely know, sir,
Was asked one day in c friendly way,
By a country chap who had come to stay
Till the mail came in at close Of day,
"What arc your gross receipts, siIT'
'He, hei ha, hal no, hot sir"
Laughed the busy retail grocer,
As he pointed out, with laugh and shout,
The barrels and boxes ranged about,
'You can plainly see, beyond a doubt,
What are my grocery ssats, sIrl'
Cannibals sometimes have their neigh
bOrs at dinner.
Boston girls never hang up their
stockings an exchange says that they
suspend their hosiery.
Old Niekelpinch says he has often
seen men buck the tiger, but for his
part he would rather buckwheat cakes.
Be not cast down, impecuniOus sir;
there is a plenty Of good things in store
for you. All You need is the money to
get them out
DR.. Swing says that in time women
viii develop into angels. No one was
ever bold enough to accuse man Of any
intentions in that direction.
To the query Of q Danbury dentist
to an applicant for a new set as to what
sort of teeth she wanted, she said,
Something that won't show dirt,
'Afiance oyster buyer is the latest
designation for q girls young man.
The name will be changed to engaged
ice cream purchaser in the summer.
The worst about kissing a Pittsburg
girl is that you carry the marks Of coal
dust about your nose and other features
till you reach the nearest pump
Burlington Hd1gEeye.
A Northern paper praises the 'In-
dian Hair RestOrer." He is a fraud.
No Indian was ever known to restore
any hair. He files it away as a certiti-
cate on which to draw ratiOns from
Uucle Sam.
A young man, while out searching for
his fathers pig, accOsted an Irishman
as follows: "HaYe you seen a stray
pig about hers?' Pat responded:
s'F'aix, how could I tell a stray pig from
any other?n
A Milwaukee policeman has fallen
heir to $50, 900, and every female cook
on his beat wants him to keep his prom
ise at once, and he wonders how he's
going to avoid about fifty breach Of
promise suits.
"Give me the hand that viii never
deceive me- said a young Harmelite
in the presence Of some young ladies
the other evening. ST guess, said
young lady, "a straight flush is the
only kind of a hand you want"
Rejected lovers need never despair
There are fOur-and-tWenty hours in q
day, and not a moment in the twenty
four in which a woman may not change
her mind.-De Fey1Od
Georgia is gradually arranging a mill
lennium of its own. The new COnsti-
tuition of that State provides that the
Legislature shall meet but once in two
years, and then sit but forty days.
Herr Reulaux, a German writer, has
described an elevated wooded valley in
the Rhine Province, in which the pas
SAGE Of the wind produces musical tones
wonderfully like the Ginning Of bells.
They were walking by the seaside,
and he sighed and she sighed; and she
was by his side, and he by her side, and
they were both beside themselves, be-
side being at the seaside, where she
sighed and he sighed.
AndFelU'S Bdzdr says that a lady
who owns an amiable husband was
asked how she had ever brought him
to such perfection; whereupOn she
sweetly answered that she did it with
g erOquet mallet.
A shop was broken into one night,
but strange to say, nothing was carried
OFF. The proprietor was making his
boast Of it, at the same time expressing
his surprise at losing nothing. ''Noth-
ing at all surprising" said his neigh
bors; ''the robbers lighted a lamp, didn't
they?'' Eyes, was the reply. ''WeI,"
continued the neighbOr, ''they found
your goods marked up so high they
couldn't afford to take then"