Democratic messenger., 1881-04-02
WIT AND WISDOM.

tS ic Ills LcdIu at u DDot. IlC
takes the blanket off his wife's lap and
spreads it over the poor horses.
New WORKERS pay higher salaries to
clergymen than does any other city.
But then's it heap more work to save
New Yorker than any other man.
AN astronomer says "This is the
best time of year for observing the
planet Mercury" Thank heaven this
time of year is good for something.
BETTER the chance of shipwreck on a
voyage of high purpose than expend
life in padding hither and thither on
shallow stream to no purpose at all.
o DEATH, thou art a stranger thing
Than all Of life can be,
Enfoldng i'll thy one deep sting
The key to all eternity.
IT is now estimated that the forests
of America will be used mp at the end
of another thirty years, and man who
wants to go hunting will have to sit on
a drawbridge and shoot at sailors.
A MAN should not commit suicide.
Ii he Is tired of life he should invent
fire escape and give practical illustra-
tion of its advantages over all others.
He would not live long after that.
A CHICAGO man committed suicide the
other day because he found his business
increasing so rapidly that he feared he
wouldn't be able to manage it. His
business was lodging officers OF the law.
WHOSE duclxy are 90 2" said George.
"I'm oor ducky whose ducky are
oo?" from Bertha. "I'm oor ducky."
Let us draw aveiL over the painful scene
and then build partition behind the
veil. They were married two weeks
later.
LADY Visitor Ito Scripture Glass;
"With what weapon did Sampson slay
his enemies ?" After period Of Un
broken silence, fair visitor (touching
her blooming cheek" What's this q
Chorus" The jor bone of an ass.
mum"
a oYE-cESr stamp for eirculaire.
a one-cent stamp for 2 newspapalre.
three-cent stamp for sealed lettaire.
Al licked on the right cornaire.
Lick. boys, lick, lick with caire,
On the right hand side, not everywhere,
Unless you want the postmastaire
To make things hot and cuss and swaire.
STOPPING at a village inn, there came
a thunder storm, and visitor, surprised
that a new country should have reached
such perfection in meteorologic manu-
features, said to a bystander: "Why.
you have very heavy thunder here
"Well, yes," replied the man, "we do,
considering the number of Inhabitants.
WHEN man who has lived in a coun-
try village all his life, selling collars,
nails, hinges, peanuts, oil-cloth, can
dies and hams, is suddenly elected TO
Congress, he goes to Washington, and,
seeking out n reporter, gives him the
valuable information that he thinks the
capital the most beautiful city in the
world.
THE other day the Galveston Recorder
was grossly insulted by prisoner, who
is a regularly ordained chicken thief, for
which offence he was being tried. 81
fine You $10," said thess Recorder.
"Jedge, eff you will take it out in
chickens, I'll let you hab dem chickens
you missed last week at ten cents less
dan de market price"
EDUCATION doesn't always make the
pot boil. 4 man was sent to the poor
house in Oakland, California, the other
day, who spoke French and German
fuently. If he had also known Spanish
he would probably have starved TO
death long ago. Next to the smallpox
the most dangerous thing to possess on
the Pacific coast is brains.
YES said old Mr.. Rich, "Tm
bound my son shall marry old Mr..
Wealth's daughter and though they
don't like each other, old Wealthy and
have arranged it. Well make our
wills, leaving them our property only
with codicils giving it to them anyway,
these codicils only to be produced after
they've eloped and wed"
Two urchins, dirty and ragged, were
lying in wait for aims. 4 well-to-do
looking gentleman passing at the mo-
ment was accosted by one of them.
''Please, mister, gimme penny to buy
some bread" implored the gamin.
sect out, you little rascal, don't bother
me-" was the reply. Thereupon the
discounted urchin turned to his COM
panion and observed: "Billy, he must
be millionaire
a w ESIEfN ltlWy WIS OI1CG
| by an Eastern merchant to collect a
debt which was so very precarious that
the Western lawyer was promised half
of it tor his services. He subsequently,
reported to his principal that for three
weeks he had dogged the debtor by dav
and by night, in his goings out and his
comings in, in his downsittlngs and his
uprisings, until ''at last" ne said, 81
collected my half. Then let him go. "
A BOOK agent, who had retired from
active labor upon the hard earned accu-
mutations of life of industrious cheek.
says that the great secret of his success
was, that when he went to q house
where the female head presented her
self, he always opened by saying 'T
beg your pardon, miss, but it was your
mother / wanted to see. That always
used to get 'em. They not only sub
scribed for my books themselves, but
told me where l could find more Gus
TONER'S"
A TRAMP was looking wistfulIy into a
coffee saloon on Galveston avenue. He
smacked his lips and said: 'T wish 1
had some coffee!" A kind hearted gen.
tleman reached in his pocket, and TAX
ing out ten cents, handed it to the
unfortunate man, saying: "Go and get