Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1881-11-26

RecOIlectiOms of Life On The
Frontier.

Detroit Free Press
Speaking of ministerial work in
the far west, | will relate an incident
that came under my own personal
observation about four years since.
! was sitting in the Office of a Wyo-
ming newspaper when a braWny ma
tive from up in the mountains enter
ed, took off his Mexican sombrero,
shot a liberal dose Of tobacco juice
into the editors waste basket, and
said:
"Kin any o. you salaried liars put
me onto the trail OF a Gospel sharp
that's out of a job? Pm just down
from Poker Gulch, Colorado, an am
on the lookout for a Bible thumper
to tuch us up occasionally on the Je.
rusalem racket up thar"
"Are ministers scarce up your
way ?" asked the editor.
oval, no, thar's plenty Of 'em
dodgin' around, but somehow we
can't git our grippers onto a man %
the right style. DoOrin' the past
year / reckon we've run in two dozen
galOots that claimed to be fly, an
got 'em to ladle out a sample o. their
palaYe, but we had to fire every one
Of 'em afore he got 10 feet from his
text"
"What appeared to be the trouble
with them ?"
"Sometimes this and sometimes
that. The fust man we tried war a
white chokered stiff from Denver.
lie came up to the Gulch an offered
to contract to steer the gulch fur q
thousand ayear, an the boys thought
that reasonable enough. We hired
him an paid him a month in adj
vance, an the fust thing he did war
to chose fur q text somethin' about
a generation o. vipers and he raked
us down too lively for any use. He
called us onregenerate sinners, an
said every man in the camp war a
hangin' over the fiery gulf o. dark
despair by a single thread, an that
the Lord would cut that thread some
day, an let us drap if we didn't take
a tumble am light out on the back
trail. Aleck Johnson war a little
off'n his base that day-had a little
too much fluid in-an' he got up an
remarked that he'd jist won a new
pistol on a poker game an war anx-
ious to try it, an that the fust ball
he turned loose would strike meat
right in that pulpit. Mr.. Preacher
lit out o. the back winder an went
up the gunnison grade SO lively that
the folks thought a cyclone had a
hold of 'im."
"What did you do then ?"
oval, WE managed to drag along
for a month without any religious
pointers, an then we heard of a man
over in the next camp that had shot
some lively music at the boys over
thar. We sent q committee over to
see him, an he sung such a favorable
song that the boys fetched him right
over. He opened up the follerin'
Sunday with a hullaballoo about q
bloke campin' fur the butt end of a
week in a whale, an then gettin'
fired out into 4 vacant lot. We told
the gilly right on the spot he couldn't
play no second hand newspaper sto-
ries on that camp, an give him the
shake in a jiffy.'
"Did you have any better luck with
the next one 7"
That's what we didn't pard. The
next n war a big rooster tibet come
out from the States with a party O.
gold hunters. We war gittin' durn-
ed hard up fur gospel by that time,
an war Willin' to take most any kind
o. jabber rather than grope along in
blindness. When he riZ up in the
pulpit he opened out by sayin' that
1o xtOr a RnYt iuf nn1 nXrAru nnn nG
desired to sit with him must be SOU
sed in water. Now, if thar's any
thing a mountain man hates it's wa
ter, pard, an the idee O. havin' to
have the sin soaked outen us went
agin the grain. The boys began to
heave the church furniture at him
us a hint that their views an his'n
didn't seem to jine exactly, an he
took number ones route through the
WindeT.n
Did you keep on trying ?"
"We did. Our next experiment
was on one o. the Universal fellers.
He told us thar war no burnin' hell,
an tibet we'd all connect on Para
disc in the end, religion or no reli-
gion. AS soon as he'd stated the
case in that shape, he got the grand
bounce and left the camp. The boys
couldn't see any fun in Il game whar
thar's nuthin' to buck agin', an
when you root hell outen the Gospel
it strips it of all interest, don't it,,
pard2 ?"
Ibid you try others then ?"
eyes, lots Of EN-. We've sampled
every denominary on the list, an
even encouraged a Chinaman when
he asked leave to fit out a Joss shop
with a wooden Jesus in it, but none
of 'em could dish up the truth to the
satisfaction o. the camp. Wat we
want is a man thatll shake out lots
% fun along o. his piety, an won't
be too stuck up to amble up to the