Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-07-21
4nmuruus 9epartment.
THE FIRST ICE CREAM.

"lf we knew to whom, or to what, to give
credit for the following hit, We would certain
ly do it. 1t comes to us without any intima.
ton of its origin, and we give it place as ludi-
crously characteristic. 1t purports to be can
account of Ethan Spikes First and Last Visit
to Portland
portland is the all.fredest place I ever
seed was down thar in '63, to see little
about my goin' to the Legislature, and such
time as had you never heer'd tell on. Did
I ever tell you about the icecream scrape
had ?"
We answered in the negative, and he re-
sumed:
"Wall, I had been down thar two or three
days pokin in every hole, an thot I'd seed
everything there was to be seen. But one day
towars sun down I was goin' by shop in
Middle street that looked wonderfully slick
there was all manner Of candy an pepper
mints an what-nots at the windows. An
then there wer signs with gold letters on them,
hangin' round the door, tellin' how they sold
Soda, Mead, an Ice Cream thar. 1 says to
myself, | have heern good deal about ice
cream, and now if l don't see what they's
made of. So puts my hands into my pock-
cts, an walked in kinder careless, and says to
chap standin behind the counter
"Do you keep any ice creams here?
eyes, SIR says he, show much'll you
have?"
considered a mint, says la pint, sir"
The young feller's face swelled out, and he
liked to have laughed right out, but arter
while he asked
"Did you say pint, sir?'
T h,,k - 1ox'k
tail, so don't mind tskin' quart.
"Wall, don't you think the feler snorted
right out. Tell yer what, it made me feel
sort pisun, an I gave him look that made
him look sober in about a mint; an when |
clinched my fist and looked so at him (here
Mr.. Spike favored US with most diabolcal
expression be hauled in his horns about the
quickest, an handed me pint O the stuff as
perlite as could be. Wall, tasted mouth.
full of it, an found it as cool as the north side
O Bethel hill in January. I'd half mind
to spit it out, but jest then | seed the confec-
toner chap GRIMM behind the door, which
riz my spunk. Gall smash it all, thinks l.,
I'll not let that whitelivered monkey think
I'm afeared-I'll eat the plaguey stuff, if it
freezes my innards. tell yer what, I'd rath.
er skinnd bear or whippd wild cat, but
went it, eat the whole in about mint.
"Wall in about quarter of an hour be-
gan to feel kinder gripy here" continued
Ethan, pointing to the lower part of bis stom-
ach, "an' kept on feelin' no better fast, till at
last it seemed as though I'd got steam en-
gin sawin' shingles in me. l sot down on a
cheer an bent myself up like nut.cracker,
thinkin' I'D grin and bear it; but couldn't
set still twisted and squirmed about like
an angle worm on hook, till at last as the
chap that gin nae the cream, who had been
lookin' on sniggerin' says to me-
Mister" says he, "what ails yer?"
calls mel" says l, "that ere stuff of yourn
is freezin up my daylights," says I.
"You eat too much" says he.
81 tell yer didn't" screened I Il know
what's enough and what's too much, without
askin you. and if you don't leave off snicker-
in I'll spile yer face"
"He cottoned right down, and said he didn't
mean any hurt, and asked me if hadn't bet
ter take some gin. | told him I would So |
took purity good horn, and left the shop.
"Arter got OUT continued Ethan, II felt
better for mint or so, but hadn't gone fur
afore the gripes took me again so I went into
another shop and took some more gin; then
sot down on the State House steps, and there
i sot and sot, but didn't feel mite better. I
begun to think was goin' to kick the bucket,
and then thought of father and mother and
of old Spanker-thats fathers hoss-and
when / thought that should never see 'em
again, 1 fairly blubbered. But then 1 hap.
pened to look up, and see dozen boys grin
MIN and lar6n at me, tell yer what, it riz my
dander-that had got down to nero-rite up
agin. 1sprung at em like wild cat, holler-
in out I'd shake their tarnal gizzards out,
and the way the little devils scampered was
caution to nobody. But after the 'ctement
Of the race was over, felt wus agin, and I
couldn't hel lp groanin' an screechin as I went
along.
cat last, thought I'd 60 to the theatre,
but atore got there, the gripes got so strong
that had to 60 behind meetin' house and
lay down and holler. Arter awhile I got up
and went into shop and eat half dollars
worth of billed listers with four picked cow
cumbers, and wound up with a glass of bran
dy. Then 1 went into the theatre and seed
the plays, but felt so bad that could not
see any fun in em, for don't think the listers
and the cowcumbers done me any good. 1
set down, laid down, and stood up, but still it
went on, grippe, gripe. grcaned all the time
and once in a while was obliged to screech
kinder easy. Everybody stared at me, and
somebqdy called out, "turn him out!'' once or
twice. But, at last, just as the niger Orthel-
10 was goin' to put the pillar on his wifes face
to smother her, there cum sich twnge
through me, that really thought was burst
in up, and l yelled out-"Oh, dear! Oh,
Scissors" so loud that the old theatre rung
again. Such row you never seed the mig
ger dropped the pillar, and Deuteronomy-or
what you call her there-his wife, jumped off
the bed and run, while everybody in the thea
tre was all up in a muss, some lar6n', some
swearin'. The upshot of it was, the perlice
carried me out of the theatre, and told me to
make myself scarce.
"Wall, as l didn't feel any better, I went
into shop close by, and called for two glass
es of brandy; arter swallerin' it, went hum
to the tavern. sat down by the winder, and
tried to think felt better, but twas no 20 !;
that blasted old ingine was still wallerir'
away inside; so l went out and eat quar-
ter's worth of listers and piece of mince pie.
Then l went back and told the tavern keeper
] felt kinder sick, and thought I'd take some
Castor lie, mouthful of cold meat, and
strong glass of whisky punch, and then 90 to
bed. He got the fxins, which took and
went to bed.
"But, tell yer what, had rather poor
night. Sometimes was awake groann', an
when I was asleep I'd better been awake, for
7 had such noworfrl dreams Somatimos T