Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1881-08-13
sPOOPENDYKE,s RacxgLE.
He kindly Invires His Wife TO WIZ
ness HIS Experiments.
BROOKLYN Eagle.

He Kindly Invi1es His wlfe 10 wiz
ness IEis EXPERIMENTS.
Brooklyn Eagle.
"Now, my dear said Mr.. Spoon
endyke. hurrying up to his wife
! room, IF you'll come down in tn,
yard, I've got pleasant surprise TO
you"
"What is itg'asked Mrs. Spoop
endyke, what have you got ;
horse ?''
"Guess again." grinned Mr.
Spoopendyke. "It's something like
a horse.''
81 know! It's a new parlor car
pet, that's what it is!
'sNo, it isn't either. / said it's
something like a horse; that is, il
goes when you make it. Guess
again"
"Is it paint for the kitchen walls !
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, Innocent
! ly.n
mo, it amt, and il amt 4 hogs
head of stove backing, norit amt a
set of nice dining room furniture, or
it amt seven gross of stationary
wash-tubs. Now guess again."
Then it must be some lace cur
tains for the sitting room windows.
Isn't that just splendid ?'' and Mrs.
Spoopendyke patted her husband
on both cheeks and danced up and
down with delight.
sits bicycle, that's what it is ~
growied Mr.. Spoopendyke, / bought
it for exercise, and Pm going TO ride
it. Come down and see me-"
"Well, amt / glad !" calculated
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "You ought to
have more exercise, and If there's
exercise in anything, it's in a bicyc-
le. Do let's see it's
Mr.. Sp0opendyke conducted his
wife to the yard and descanted at
length on the merits of the ma
chine.
I sin few weeks I'll be able to
make mile minuta," he said, as
he steadied the apparatus against
the clothes post and prepared to
mount. "Now you watch me 60
the end of this path.n
He got foot into one treadle and
went head first into q flower patch,
the machine ON top with prodigious
crash.
Hadn't you better tie it up to the
post until you get on" suggested
Mrs. SpoOpendyke.
"Leave me alone, will YEP" de-
manded Mr.. Spoopendyke, strug-
Cling to an even keel. "I'm doing
most of this myself. Now you hold
on and keep your mouth shut. 1t
takes little practice, that's ALL"
Mr.. Spoopendyke mounted again
and scuttled along four or five feet
and Topped over on the grass plat.
"That's splendid" commenced
his wife. "You've got the idea al
ready: Lat me hold it for you this
time.n
eff you've got any extra strength
you hold your tongue, will ye?'
growled Mr.. Spoopendyke. "It
don't want any holding. 1t amt
alive. Stand back and give me
room now.U
The third trial Mr.. Spoopendyke |
anbled to the end of the path and |
went down all in a heap among the
flower pots
"That's just too lovely for any
thing ~ proclaimed Mrs. SpoOpen-
dyke. "You made near mile
minute that time !"
"Come and take it offi"roared |
Mr.. SpOopendyke. "Help me up |
bod gast the bicycle 20 and the wOr-
thy gentleman struggled and plung- |
ed around like whale in shallow
water.
Mrs. Spoopendyke assisted in
him and brushed him off,
81 know where you made your
mistake, said she. The little wheel
ought to go first like a buggy. Try it
that way going back"
stMaybe YOU can ride this bicycle |
better than I can - bowIed Mr..
SpOopendyke. "You know all I
about wheels. What you need now
is a lantern in your mouth and ten
minutes behind time to be the city
hall clock! If you had a bucket of
water and a handle you'd make a
steam grindstone! Don't you see
the big wheel has got to go tirst?"
eyes, DEAR" murmured Mrs,
Spoopendyke, "but thought if you
practiced some with the little wheel
1t first, you wouldn't have so far to
fall"
"Who fell ?" asked Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "Didn't you see me step off i?
I-tripped that's all. Now, you
watch me go back"
Once more Mr.. Spoopendyke star
ted in, but the big wheel turned
around and faced, and then began
to stagger.
"Look out!" squeaIed Mrs. Spoop.
endyke.
Mr.. Spoopendyke wrenched away
and kicked and struggled, but it
was of no avail. Down he came,
and the bicycle was a hopeless
wreck.
"What'd we want to yell for ?" he
shrieked. "Couldn't ye keep your
measIy mouth shut? What dye
-hink y'are, anyhow, a fog horn ?
bod gast this measly bicycle!' and
MIR. Spoopendyke hit it kick that
folded him up like bolt of muslin.
"Never mind, my dear" consol-
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke, "I'm afraid
The exercise was too violent anyway
and I'm rather glad you broke it,"
II s'pose Sc" snorted Mr.. Spoop-
sndyke. "There's sixty dollars
yone.o
"Don't worry love. I'll go with
1ut the carpet and curtains. and the
paint will do well enough in the
kitchen. Let me rub you with ar
1ica."
But Mr.. Spoopendyke was too
leeply grieved by his wife's con-
luct to accept any Office at her
hands, preferrlng to punish her by
citing his woulds smart rather than
20 get well, and thereby relieve her
)f any anxiety she brought on her
'elf by acting SO outrageously under
he circumstances.