Daily Republican., 1881-01-06
BOMETHlNG TO LAUGH AT.
Chunks Of wit and wisdom

/
BOMETHING TO LAUGH AT.
Chunks OF wir and wisdom
DEVASTATED HEN CooPs.
There was man lived near Putnam,
Mass, who had favorite dog, NAL
tese cross cat, twenty-nine hens with
their natual guardians and consequent
broods and accompanying enemies.
Something nightly invaded this mans
palatial hennery, sucked q few eggs
and ate a tender. weetlipg little chick
an now aud then. The man investi-
lgated. The robber was that terrible
enemy of hen coops, the American r.
&C., or the Arctic polar cat. The man
carefully opened two or thres eggs; be
poisoned them with Parts green and
strychnine, and laid them on the floor
OF the hen house. At late hour the
next morning be got up aud went out
to look at the dead p. 0. (paleris cathsr-
tious.) The first thing he saw was a
dead dog, his own favorite dog. mid
way between the honse and the hen.
nery. He wept with grief and rage,
and wondered who could have been 30
mean and cruel. The next thing he
saw in the coronsr's line was dead
Maltese cross cat. lie shuddered and
said:
| 81 can never tell my wife Of this"
, Then he found two dead hens, and his
heart misgave him. He went into the
henne.y and counted eleven more dead
hens, AID then he knew that what the
dog and cat couldn't sat the beDs hSd
foished. He picked up six hens that
were Just passing into the gloomy
abode of the shades. Aud whils he
gnssbed his teeth aud rehearsed little
speeches to himself, he saw something
with his noae, and looking afar off on
the sandy hillside he heard the p. c.
that he hated, creeping among the
rocks to his solitary lair, like the south
wind passing over bank Of fish, steal.
ing aud giving nignt-blooming cereus.
"Ah, thus" he said, "from childhood's
hour, my fOndest hopes have passed
away the cake is dough, the milk is
sour, general flavor Of decay comes
with the breeze from yonder hills; oh,
cup of sorrows bitterest dreg5! Grim
death the dog and Maltese kills and
spares the things that sucks eggs"
This interesting chapter Of local his
tory is a literal translation from the
true chronicles OF Putnam.-Burdette,
in Burlington Hawkeye.
srLINTERs.
"Mr. Smith" said lady at 4 fair,
"won't you please buy this bonnet to
present to the lady you lover"
"TwOuldn't be right" said Mr. Smith,
'T'm married man."
"One-h half Of the world dosen't know
how the other half lives!" exclaimed a
go3siping woman. ''0h we'll" said
her neighbor "do not worry about it;
tisn't your fault If they don't know"
A student at veterinary college on
being asked, "If broken winded
horse was brought to him to cure, what
would you adviser" very promptly re-
piled, TO sell him as soon al posi-
ble."
"How shall l have my bonnet trim.
med" asked Maria, $50 that it will
agree with my complexion" "If you
want 1t to match your face have 1t
plain" replied the hateful Harriet.
BUSINESS AT DINYER.-A London pa.
per tells curious story about gentle.
man who proposed at dinner party to
the lady who is now his wife. lie had
been lover for sometime, but never
quite persuaded himself up to the point
Of popping the question.
During the eventual dinner he learn
ed from the person sitting mex. TO him
that q rival intended that evening to
make an attack upon his Dulcnea's
heart. She was sitting at some dis
tance from him at the table, and the
rival was at her side.
Tudia, my boy" said an Irishman
to friend Oh his arrival Calcutta,
"Is jist the finest climate under the {
sun; but lot Of young fellows come l
out here, and they dhrink ate, and
they die, and thin they write home to
their friends pack o. lies. and say
it's the climate as has killed them"
He was equal TO the emergency, how
ever, for tearing half leaf from his
note book he wrote upon It: "Will
you be my wifsf Write your answer
yes or no, upon this paper and return
it ONE" Calling waiter the ingen- '
ious lover sent the missive to"the lady
in blue at the end Of the table-be very
careful"
"What are you looking furP" asked .
eue of the widow Berdott' 8 two daug ters .
who were entertaining two young gen =
tlemen on the piazza, rather late, one
night last Summer, OF their mother.
who seemed to BIZ looking for something 7
around the front yard. "The morning ,
answered the widow. The !.
oung men left.
1t was in a San Francisco restaurant
the other night that waiter was Ii
spologiziDg for tho dilapidated state OF h
bis napkin. "Dou't mention it," 70. q
sponded the customer sadly. ~ don't q
mind the holes in the least. Tha, a
part of your napkin Is always sure to
be Clean" And the noAt ten minutes y
aothing could bs heard but the butler v
,ombing his hair out lin the pantry. "
His wife was out in her front yard "
" vaterinp her thirsty flowers when AL