The Pioche weekly record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1877-1900, 1881-10-01
A SWIM LIED WOMAN.
[Morrilton (Ark.) State.I

1t is apity some women will have warts
on their heels, but facts are facts, and
even the Arkansaw Legislature is power.
less to suppress them. A woman with a
wart on her heel is a pitiable sight, and
always wrings tears of sympathy from
tn e never-failing fountain of our soul.
Such one called on us two days ago.
She said:
"Mister, know feller who wants
good solid blowing up. He's just an in
fernal burlesque on the whole human
family in general, and the wisky drinking
gander in particular. He ha'nt got no
more style about him than swamp
COON"
whats up now p we asked.
'Well, you see I've got a wart on my
heel, and it's terrible thing to tote
around. I've had it seven years, and it's
brought me all sorts of hard luck. 1 do
believe that my first husband left me on
account of it; and l am satisfied that my
second one died from sheer modification
over the matter; and as l am now look.
ing around for another, am anxious to
get the thing out of my way"
''Do you think I'm wart doctor?"
"No; but know snoozer who does
claim to be one, and he's the very party
I'm talking about having blowed up"
''What did he do to your
"Well, he came to my house and said
that he had heard it rumored that I had
a wart ON my heel, and he wanted to cure
it. He offered to do it for five dollars,
and told him I'd give it. He said that
he worked on the mo cure, no pay plan,
and of course that hit me solid, for you
see if you get cured once you don't care
to pay the bill; but if you pay first and
don't get cured you are justified in sus-
picioning that you have been swindled
Now, this feller's offer to give me good
sold cure before calling for his pay struck
me as being about the square thing, and
scooped him into by arms at once, as it
were-that is, I gave him the case with
more joy to the square inch than have
felt since caught my last beau"
''How is it then, that you are dis
pleased with him p
"That's what I'm advancin' on now
just let me float along my own way; I'll
be in at the funeral, and you can chance
wealth on it. The snoozer said that he
had been sick and way down ON his luck,
and that l had better give him three dol.
lars to buy material with-thats what he
said they would cost-his eminent pro.
fessional services amounting to only two
dollars"
swell, gave him the three dollars
and he went Off"
''And didn't come back" we ventnred
"Yes he did. If he'd staid away
wouldn't have felt so bad about it; but ht
came bach in half an hour"
"And brought the materials?"
"Yes-he brought an old piece of carpe
and tin whistle. He told me to spreat
the carpet on the stump and sit down OF
it till the wart went away. He said
could amuse myself with the whistle AM
the time wouldn't seem so long; and h
told me to send him word when I wa
cured and he would come around an
collect his fee."
''Well, have you sent him word yet
''Sent him word? No; thunder! VIII
you're bigger fool than the wart docto
No, just gave him good talking Il
and came on up here to have you gi,
him two columns, and if you don't do i
you don't know nothing about the new
paper business; that's all; and I'll ste
my subscription, too"
With this direful threat, she glar,
fiercely at us, and hobbled into the hi
and down the stairway. We watch'
her till she disappeared down the avenu
and then turned to our desk to put Il
finishing touches on our new poem
the Paragrapher and the Mule"