Fair play., 1881-06-25

yard repairing his fence and singing as
he worked. I don't know which was
the wOrse-his voice or the noise made
with his tools.
"Now. Hermione," said I, .let the
festivities begin.'
Her answer was 4 vigorous whack,
that brought forth cloud of dust from
the carpet.
Then We both went at it in dead ear
nest. In five minutes the dust half
chOked and more than half blinded NE.
! cOughed and sneezed, but still fought
on. The more we pounded the more
dirt came. HermiOne was at one end
of the carpet and at the other. and as
the fray continued We approached each
other
Whack! Whack! Whack.
Nearer and nearer sounded Hermi-
ones blows, until, just as | was out of
breath and had stopped an instant with
bellows to mend,' received start
ling thump on the side of the head.
For second stars danced before my
eyes, and then remember hearing
Mrs. Biggs call from the second-story
window.
"Amos, did you swear?'
Before l could say '.no," MacHouli-
kin's head appeared above the fence
and he sang out:
Halo. Biggs! Having a little SINGLE
stick exercise, eh' Well, it's a good
thing for man of sedentary habits
l was too mad to answer him or to
regard the clumsy apology of Hermione.
but stood, holding my hand to my ach-
ing head.
"COmmenced to swell already,
BiggsP" continued MacHoulikin. "ltu
be awkward if you can't put on your
hat tomorrow morning"
..Hermione," said |, severely. 'there
will be no more carpet-beating here to-
night"
With that jerked the carpet from
the line, and collecting as much of it in
my arms as could hold. started for the
house. Before got half way there I
stumbled over part of my bulky bur-
den and came down on all fours.
"It biteth like serpentand stingeth
like an adder" called out MacHOulikin.
After entered the house and depos-
tied the carpet on the kitchen floor
turned my attention to nv head, and
spent most of the evening dOctOring it.
Having done what could for it read
a little while. and then started for bed.
took no light up stairs with me. and
the consequence was that in the hall on
the parlor floor ran foul of a stove,
nearly upsetting it and 'barking' my
shin. The iron urn surmountng the
stove fell with clang to the tloor. and
the noise brought Mrs. Biggs to the
head of the stairs.
Amos, what did you break?''
~ don't know, and what's more I
don't care a."
Mrs. Biggs shrieked:
"Swearlng again! You are a nice
man to be father of a family. meant
to ask you to carry that stove up here
o-night. III hold the lamp for YOU to
see by"
Il won't bulge it an inch if it stays
here till it rusts to pieces" l said, saw
ageiy.
"YOu are i surly BRUTE" said Mrs.
Biggs.
Without further mishap reached nv
bedroom, and before fell asleep heart
lily cursed-mentally, of cOurse-the
temper-trying institution of house clean
ing.
Just as 1 felt myself dropping into a
doze. Mrs. Biggs startled me with.
"Amos. where did you leave the parlor
carpet?"
''On the kitchen floor"
"Well. that isn't very safe place.
Don't You think you had better go down
and bring it up to the parlor?"
l don't remember what my answer
was, but know l went to sleep and
dreamed was lying in the back yard
with my head on a roll of rag-carpet.
and the parlor stove on the pit Of my
stomach. AMOS BIGGS,
F Butter and Eggs.
P. S.-Butter is down, although my
carpets are not. a. B.
". j. Graphic.