St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-07-01
Squibs.

When a man marries a widow he
should give up smoking. She gives up
her weeds he should be equally polite.
JEFF Davis will pass the summer in
Canada A few years ago he caused
great many of our people to pass por-
ton of their time there.
''And, o Edward" said the girl he
was going to leave behind him, cat
every stopping place be sure you write,
then go ahead"
The Gar has succeeded in maintain
ing absolute monarchy. But he is
afraid to come out and see how it is
getting along Burlington Hawkeye.
Girls, don't think fellow is Il gen
tleman because he gives you II polite
bow. Bowers are always knaves so Il
eucher player informs us.
A man who asserted last week that
the world owes him living was cor
rect. He is now pulveriZing stone in
the work house ten hours day to
collect the bill.
Just now the women load their dress
es down with beads. Next year it may
be the fashion to wear from thirty to
eighty COW bells. Nothing is too ro-
mantle for Il woman to wear Detroit
Free Press.
"Papa, saw a young sparrow fall
out of its nest this morning" "Well,
what of it, my son ~ "Why, | don't
think the Lord could have noted its
fall, because the eat got it,"
"Here's fly in my soup, WAITER
eyes, sir very sorry, sir but you
can throw away the fly and eat the
soup, can't you ~ "Of course | can
you didn't expect me to throw away
the soup and eat the fly, did you g'-
Summer Resort Exchange.
A Nova Scotia editor wrote the fol-
lowing head line to Il dispatch '"The
British Lion Shaking his Name" He
went into fits from which he has not
yet recovered Oh reading the printers
version 'The British Lion Skating
in Maine"
If you want to get the reputation of
knowing heap do as Prof. Proctor
does. He guesses what happened three
or four million years ago, and predicts
what is to happen l5,000,0W years
hence. 1t is only IA few years since he
commenced, and now he can get credit
at any grocery.
Clara FOlz, the San Francisco woman
lawyer, being told by the opposing
counsel in court that II wOman's proper
place was ut home raising children re-
torted: "A woman had better be en-
gagged in almost any business than rails
ing such men as you are"
"WOn't you please play us some
thing, Miss Hammerandbang !" asked
Fogg. 81 should like to ever so much,"
she said, looking at her watch "but
really | have no time" $50 have
heard" replied Fogg; "but we will
overlook that, you know Boston
Transcript.
Her ladyship: "They tell me you
have made quite large amount by the
Derby, Thomas. | suppose you will
be settling down and getting married
now ?" Tom the groom: "Not if
knows it, yer ladyship. I've seen too
, much of married life with missuscs ;
beggin' yer pardin." ."-T Moonshine.
"Now, then, madam, please look
steadily at this place on the wall, =" said
photographer to an old lady when he
. had put her in a position and the plate
= in the camera. The old lady looked
t hard at the spot indicated, and then
rot up and walked across the floor and
E minutely inspected it, and then, turn
ing to the photographer, gently re,
marked, 81 don't see anything there
The Buffalo Commercial Advertiser
7 gives us the song of the youthful apple
d peddler at the country railway stations
;, in Pennsylvania "Apple! Sapple
| l.
Maple, mister Mister, rapple ? Wan
tanapple, mister? Six for five cents
Fresheat Nappuls nj seatin naples
;, seven forannicklel Maple, mister
Mister wantanapple Want smappuls,
u mister? Nine filrannickle lIcrc'i
yourappulls Ten furanickle"
A talented young African, Of thu
boot black persuasion, observed
ncighbor porting wisely over "A newspa
7 per. and addressed him as follows
: ''Julius, what you looking at dat papel
: fGrP You can't read" "GO way, fcl
lah," replied the other, Indignantly
''giess can read, Use big 'nuff for dat.
"Big huff" retOrted the other scOrn
y fully, "dat amt muffin. A cows big
i huff to kOtch mice, but she can't"
Neither of them was over ten years
old. One leaned against the fence
and the other rubbed his back agains
/ a lamp post, and they eyed each Othe
for long time. Then one of then
+ said, "My mother has got new seal
skin sacque, and yours hain't." g
don't care" replied the other. "Sh'
frizzes her hair and uses paint, an'
@ that's just as tony"
a A son, o.4 sit. ,,,o, a shed
e And MARBLES sweetly TO its mate;
'Oh when the the world has gone b bed
a. love 70 sit and NEW till late"
- But while this tom cat sits and sings,
+ UpspriDgs the student mad with hate
He shoots that eat to fiddle strings-
n He also loves to mutil-atc.
There was joy on the farm wheI
V Ben, the oldest boy, came back iron
o college in his sophomore year, and Tia
village was proud of him. "Cheese il
Gully 7" he said, when he met an oil
friend, the son of a neighbor, VIII
Joined farms with his father. "Chees
1t it, Gully Shove us your flipper Cline
N daddles, pardyl How's his nibs an
what's the new racket 7" And his prou
. old father said at was jest wort
more'n twiee't the money To hear BE
| rattle off the Greek just like liyiI