Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1881-06-25
81 OH ARTESTOWN JEFFERSON COUNTY, W. VA SATURDAY JO
Dress Contention

The animals held convention the Other
day, to discuss the subject of dress. The
elephant was called upon to preside, partly
because of his size, bat more on'aceoant ot
his being the only animal with clothes
enough to Justify his taking trunk along
an his travels. When he called the meet
ing to order, the bear inquired If he meant
for them t. order clothes. If he did he
hoped to be measured first, as he was tired
of going around in his bear skin.
1--WE haven't got so far along as that,
said the elephant and the beaver chipped
in, and said that most Of tficih had their fur
along though some of II like the elephants,
for instance, wasn't worth beaver dam.
The chairman, whose hide was too thick
to heed the sarcasm, said they ought to de-
eide what should be the most fashionable
for the coming season, spots or stripes.
The zebra spoke eloquently in favor of
stripes. but it was evident from his coat that
he was not sufficiently disinterested. The
leopard said he would have no objection 70
stripes. but it was well known fact in nat
ural history that the leopard could not
change his spots. So he would have 20
continue his present style, even if it was
questionable.
The ass remarked sadly that he had beer
50 long accustomed to stripes that he
wouldn't feel easy in anything else.
The horse said he didn't agree with the
last speaker, for he had seen him, in his
obstinate moods, fairly rooted 10 one spot.
This remark caused the ass to brays mp
and ask the horse if he was heeled, but mu-
tual friends interpcscd and prevented con
hict, whici would have been assinine cases
out of ten undtr the circumstances.
A dispute arose between n white polar
bear and black bear rs TO whether white
or black was more becoming, each one con-
tended for his own peculiar color While
the former worked himself up to white
heat, notwithstanding 4 chunk of ice pinned
on top Of his head in towel, the latter
grew blat kcr and blacker over the contrc-
versy. "An ice chap you are" said the
black bear, TO attempt TO set the fashion
among the bears How many votes do you
Pole up North there, anyhow
"Wc polar bear, and that is more than
you can do" rctorted old Whitley. An
bears were white originally" he continued,
but when some of your ancestors went out
of their way TO eat up a lot of children be-
cause Of their aversion to bald heads, they
were altorward so mortified about it that
they turned black, and their descendants
have been black ever since"
And where were your ancestors all this
vi ie?" cried the b. b. Running TO get
away from one of the boys that was over
looked, and turning white with fear"
/" It's bcar-faccd lie," shouted the W. p.
h.. "and can lick You"
80 Como ,vifbip rq1ph and I'll cuf NOf'r
northern lights out, you roaring borealisr
4" BE quiet. children" said the elephant,
waving his trunk in a conciliating way.
" You must learn to bear and forbcar," and
that he should 60 fOrbcar if they didn't be-
have themst Ives.
A good deal of merriment was occasioned
just here blythe entrance of giraffe with
paper collar around his neck.
" Necks, gentemanw shouted monkey
that once belonged to barber; black
yer boots ~
The giraffe said he didn't want any mon
key shines around him, and jeeringly in
quircd if he was one Of the missing lynx,
which remark gave ofTense 10 an animal
whose lynx-eye had been watching the pro-
ceedings in fur-tivc way. He showed his
contempt for the joke, however, as only a
lynx-skin.
'|Ts this jaguar see before me?' said
the hyena, catching the spirit of the occa-
sion; and the lion asked him if he was
drunk or dressed up, adding that he would
appear to better advantage if he wouldn't
get hyena more.
Lion, Mcduf, cried the ass, who had
been letting on that he was n sort of second
cousin to the king of beasts, and was re-
minded with cruel irony that it wasn't the
first time he had dressed himself up in a
lions kin.
cone of your ears ought to know better
than that, said the fox, playfully.
"What do sourgrapes bring now?" asked
weasel, who wasn't caught asleep this
time.
"They would bring all their chickens in
if they saw you coming" replied the fox,
which was wee sell on the weasel.
The president reminded them that they
had entirely lost sight of the object of the
meeting. If they kept on that way folks
would think it was an assembly of newspa-
per paragraphers instead Of dignifiod body
Of animals considering the subject of dress.
After some further discussion, it was re-
solved that each animal continue to wear
what suited it best, and the convention ad
iourned.