The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1881-05-31

don't want to be bilious or feverish, with
his mouth tasting like cheese, and his
eyes bloodshot, when the female is look
ing him over and taking account of
stock
OF course these female doctors are all
young and goodlooking. and IL one of
them came into sick room where q
man was In bed, and he had chils, and
was as cold as wedge, and she should
sit up close to the side of the bed and
take hold of his hand, his pulse would
run up to hundred and fifty, and she
would prescribe for fever when he had
chilblains. Oh, you can't fool us on
female doctors. A man who has been
sick, and had male doctors, knows Just
how queer he would feel to have a
female doctor come tripping in and
throw her fur-lined cloak over chair,
take off her hat and gloves and throw
them on lounge, and come up to the
bed with pair of marine blue eyes,
with a twinkle In the corner, and look
him in the Wild changable eyes, and
ask him to run out his tongue. Suppose
he knew his tongue was coated so it
looked like a yellow Turkish towel, do
you suppose he would want to run out
over five or six inches of the lower part
of 1t, and let that female doctor put her
finger on it to see how fur it was? Not
much He would put that tongue up
into lis cheek, and wouldn't let her see
1t for twenty-five cents admission. We
have all seen doctors put their hands
under the bed clothes and feel of mans
feet to see II they were cold. If female
doctor should do that it would give a
man cramps in the legs. A male doctor
can put his hand on a mans stomach,
and liver and lungs, and ask him il he
feels any pain there, but if female
doctor should do the same thing it would
make a man sick, and he would want to
get up and kick himself for employing %
female doctor. Oh, there is no use talk
ing about it; it would kill man.
Now, suppose a man has heart disease,
and female doctor should want to
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would lay her left ear on his left breast,
so her eyes and rosebud mouth would be
looking right in his face, and her wavy
hair would be scattered all around there
getting tangled in the buttons of his
night shirt. Don't you suppose his
heart would get in about twenty extra
beats to the minute You bet And
she would smile-we will bet ten dollars
she would smile-and show her pearly
teeth, and the ripe lips would be work
ing as though she were counting the
beats, and he would think she was try
ing to whisper to him, and. Well,
what would he be doing all this time?
If he was not dead yet, which would be
wonder, his left hand would brush the
hair away from her temple and kind Of
stay there to keep the hair away, and
his right hand would get sort of nervous
and move around to the back of her
head, and when she had counted the
beats few minutes and was raising her
head he would draw the head up to him
and kiss her once for luck, if he was as
bilious as Jersey swamp angel-and
have her charge it in the bill. And
then reaction would set in, and he
would be as weak as cat, and she
would have to fan him and rub his head
till he got over being nervous, and then
make out his prescription after he got
asleep. No; all of mans symptoms
change when female doctor is practic-
ing on him, and she would kill him
dead. Amt these objections enough