The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-01-13
A Big Nose.

NeW York central depot, In New York,
the other day, waiting for the tain for
Boston, when woman, probably born
near the opening of the present century,
came up to me and said:
you are a stranger to HE, sir"
EYES," l replied, as | looked at her
bonnet and wondered how many hundred
years old 1t was.
IL am sorry" said she with Il sigh.
why so2" said.
"Becausc ii felt acquainted l would
like to speak to YOU"
She had already spoken twice.
"Iry and feel acquainted" said l ell
couraglngly.
"Thcn you have no objection to me tell
ing you my story7'
"How MANY chapters arc thcre2" III
quircd. els it long or short2"
Short, she replied.
'Bcgln," said l, the train will be here
soon."
"1 am in Distress" SAID the woman.
what caused i2" inquired; "mincc
pic or cabbage2"
On no. nothing that ever cat hurts
me; it's a man,
AN, see; your husband has left you. "
mo, that Is not it. never was mar
ricd."
Indeed; then you are in the markct2"
1iis Is slight deviation from the truth,
1or she was aside of me in the depot.
"Well, not exactly. am engaged, but
have an idea of breaking off the engage
ment."
Hcartlcss wretch, thought to myself.
''For what rcason2" inquired.
''Because of something that have heard
lately"
"What is it2" inquired eve haven't
had any thunder storm lately"
mo, but l hear that people after they
arc married grow TO look like each other.
What do you think about it2"
81 haven't any money upon it," re-
piled, 'but yet it may be so. Tennyson
advances some such idea as that, l believe.
But what do you care if your future hus.
band does grow to look like you?"
''Grow to look like me" she exclaimed,
81 wish he would. That is not it at all. /
am afraid that l shall grow to look like
him."
"Ah, there's the rub," said l, as the
woman rubbed the lobe of her left car.
'But what if you do2"
"Why, he's all bent up with the rhc,l-
matism," replied the woman, 'sand Pm
sound III every timber"
"But rheumatism can be cured" l re-
piled.
'Alore than that, he's bald headed rs a
goose egg" added the woman. "Would
not l look pretty without any hair2"
'On the contrary, think 1t would rath-
er dctract from your charms," replied.
''But this isn't all-hc hasn't got a tooth
in his head. How would l look wlthou,
tccLh2"
Bad" replied, looking through the
depot to see if the train wasn't coming.
''NlOre than this" said the woman, che S
got only one leg"
"Probably the other is all right" said |,
to comfort her little.
Yes" said the woman-'but he lost
one eye in the army"
"Thcn you ought to marry him out of
sympathy" said |, eff for nothing clsc.n
II can stand all this very well, replied
the woman; but there is one thing that
cannot swallow, and that is his nosc.''
"But why do you want to2"
"Want to what2"
"Why-swallow his nose2"
~ mcan,' said the woman, trying to cx-
plain, 'sthat l can't stand his nosc-it's
tremendous"
Large, You mcan2'
''Ycs, perfectly frightful'
mature did not forget to remember you
in that direction" said i.
She had as big nose as ever / saw on a
person of her size.
"No-l'vc got good, big one myself,
but there isn't any wart Oh it," said the
woman.
''Nonc that can scc," replied.
"Well, that's the trouble; he mas got q
big nose and a big wart on the end of
that"
"Unfortunate," said l.
IL want to give you conundrum, " said
the woman. "Whcn he goes to take a
glass of water, which do you think strikes
the liquid first, his lips or his nosc2"
ellis lips, of course" !" said l, starting for
the tram which had arrived IN the station
and was on the point of starting.
mo, sir," she replied, 'thc wart does. :"
AS l took hold OF the door-knob, the
woman shouted:
''Shall l marry him or not2''
81 do not dare 10 advise you upon so
delicate subject" replied, as the train
moved off.
Seeing that all the passengers were look
ing at me, l dropped into the first seat that
| could find, and did not speak again for
half an hour,