Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-11-24
PITn AND POINT.

FIDDLRR's green-Amateur violinists.
TT goes against the gnsin to gamble in
corn and wheat.
WHEN a broker goes out shooting la
takes pointer along.
EVERY man has his forte if be only
knew how TO hold it,
WHEN a doctor loses his patients it
does not follow that he is out of temper.
THE girl pressed the leaves, but tie
boy pressed the girl. The press Is
mighty and must prevail.
A FASHION magazine SAYS: "Steol
trimmings are no longer the style.
That settles it. Lay aside your bowie
knives.
You've Softhed says he never could
stay angry at his wife when she coaxing-
ly slipped her hand in his, because "a
soft hand, sir, turneth away wrath.
A PENNSYLVANIA Grand Jury indicted
man for stealing an umbrella Look
here; by and by it will be so IN this
country that it won't bS safe to steal
even paragraph.
"OH, you are too self-eonscious.
said FoSg to young man. Il aolf-
conscious !" exclaimed Adolescence ~
am conscious of nothing" "1hat's
what | said, " replied Fogg.
"TBE skolers tell Me you spell tissick
with phi. Sich teachin As this don't Goe
and mus be Immediately stopped, wrote
an Arkansas school director to one of
the teachers in his district.
A PEORIA topper iustifes himself in this
manner: 90 am fond of long life. Jovi-
Atty and good feeling promote long hfe.
Whisky engenders joviality and good
feeling. Hence cultivate whisky.
A BOY defined salt as 1.-THE stuff that
makes potatoes taste had when YOU
don't put it on" He was twin brother
of the boy who said that pins had saved
great many lives by not being sw;d-
lowed.
WE thought "The Peanut and Other
Poems" was queer title for a book. and
were not surprised, therefore, to see III
the next issue of the paper a correction.
1t should have been 1.-THE Pageant and
Other Poems. "-Nor7'istoWa Herald.
WHY do we commence dinner with
soup 2" asks medical journal. Because
the landlady sends it the first thing, and
there's no show for the meats until the
soup is gone. That's the explanation OF
the mystery at our house; we don't know
how you're fixed.
"WHY, my dear Mrs. Smith, what
ever have you done with your piano p
"Oh, Mr. Smith insisted upon my dis
posing Of it, and buying instead sew
ing-maohine for each of the girls. He
says they would be much more useful,
and would make much less noise.
A HUNGRY lawyer, who was dining ut
. hotel, shoveled the food into his mouth
with his knife till he accidentally cut
wag seated opposite, who bawled ont
az say, Mister, don't cut thai hole in
your countenance any larger, or We shall
all starve."
"FELLow citizens" said the street
corner orator, standing on n dry GOO X
box amid the glare and smoke Of maav
torches, "my position upon this qaos-
ton is peculiar one. " Aud just then.
when the box caved in an,. Let linn down
in the shape OF n letter Y, gripped by
/ the neck and heels, the crowd rather
thought it was.
MADELEINE" sends us q sweet poem.
beginning 1.-The winds are nevar lille. 4"
Dog gone it. no, Madeline, neither is a
sixty-day note. 1t can lay clear over
new cider III warm October n work
ing. We don't take Il cents worth of
interest in the busy winds, bat lhe six.
ty-day note is what lifts lis where tina
capillary growth is abbreviated.
WHEN you see man ut the raiiWay
station, who is really looking for ia
trunks and valises, but VINO insist, tLat
he is hunting me boxes and bags "
you may safely bet your bottom dollar
he isn't entitled to vote IN this blalsted.
bowling country-not hy trunk full Of
his, he isn't. Aud il you can't guess to
what nation he belongs, ask him. Hen
tell you.
THE Buffalo Commercial Adecrfiscr
mentions what may safely lie set down
rs the worst case Of spelling oi recent
record. 1t occurred in "nolis" Of
" sellybrashun" to be held OH the shores
of " Lake Eary," and mentioned the
occasion as "g1ble.' This word trou-
bled the editor good deal, hut, with
rare perspicacity, he at length resolved
it into Jubilee.
ONE hour after an "old master" had
painted the name of patent medicine
on big rock COW came along, lieae1 il
off, and died before shutdown. vi IN
the simple name of medicine kill a
COW, human beings want to bewar, II
the stuff itself. A COW was never Killed
by licking the name Of patent medi-
cine in a newspaper, and no other kind
can he recommended. -NoTistotln Hcf-
aid