davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
An Tmpertinent Mimic,

Young ladies who expect attentions
from young men should not keep too
well-educated parrot. A family in
Nashville has a parrot noted for its won
derful powers of initiating the human
voice. The family also has daughter
whose especial duty is the care OF the
parrot.
The young lady has friend, young
man, who called at thehouse oneeYening
and pulled the door bell. The parrot,
sitting in an upstairs window, heard tho
Jingle of bell and called out:
"Go to the Window" The young
man was startled.
He Locked at the windows below ana
found them closed. He pulled the bell
knob again.
"Next door," shouted the parrot, in
voice not unlike the young lady's.
The young man looked up and down
the street in puzzled sort of a way, as
if il had suddenly dawned upon his
mind that he had made a mistake In the
house. Concluding that he had not, ne
again rang the bell.
eco to the housed" cried Poll from
his perch in the upper window.
"What house?" exclaimed the young
man, angrily.
"The workhousei' shrieked the par
rot The young man concluded to leave
for his boarding house. Youths Com
p0a1t0n.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
DR.. johnson On Che War.Path.

DR.. Johnson's hatred of the Scotch is
historic. Some of the best things he
ever said or wrote date from it. Once
Strahan said, in answer to some abusive
remarks:
"Well, sir, God made Scotland"
Certainly" replied johnson, "but
we must always remember that He
made it for Scotchmen; and compari-
sons are odious, Mr.. Strahan, but God
made hell"
"Scotch learning" he said, "is the
bread In besieged town. Every one
gets mouthful, but no one bellyful. r"
1t was probably this national preiu-
dice which led him to denounce Mac
Pherson's famous Ossian forgeries, or
rather frauds, when they were published
MACPHERSON got mad and wrote furi-
GUS letter to him, to which johnson in
dited this reply:
Mr.. JAMES MACPHERSON: l have received
your foolish and impudent letter. Any vio-
lence offered me shall do my best to repe,
and what cannot do for myself the law shall
do for me. hope shall never be deferred
from detecting what think a cheat by the
menaces of rutian.
Nnat Wou0 you nave NE TeIacI! llnCuSnt
your book an imposture-I think it an impost-
ure still. For this opinion I have given my
reasons to the public, which / here dare you to
refute. Your rage defy. Your abilities since
your Homer" are not SO formidable, and what
1 hear of your morals inclines me 10 pay re-
gard not to what you shall say but what you
shall prove. You may print this if you Will
SAM JOHNSON.
Then johnson, 66 years old at the
time, purchased him a tremendous
cudgel and waited for MACPHERSON. But
MACPHERSON never came, which was de-
cidedlY fortunate for him.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
A word for the rTother=in-Lavs.

Are there then no estimable mothers
with married daughters The mother
in-law is not responsible for her position
probably does not admire it. Yet she
has been the subject of countless stories,
myriads of offensive jests, and quaint
ties of sarcastic rhymes. Into all OF
these has entered an element of bitter
ness 'nch does not appear In the gibes
that are hurled at the widow and spin
ster. Malice is the inspiration of the
assault upon the mother-in-law. Per-
haps it is savagery born of case of de
tected guilt-which has been hidden
from the too-confding wife, but detected
by the penetrating eye of the mother-in-
law. She is not blinded by love for the
man, and to perfect clearness of vision
she adds an experience which is as use
full as second-sight in enabling her to
see to the bottom of things. Yet, if she
be wise, she will not give her daughter
the benefit of her experience, but allow
her to enjoy her fools paradise as long
as possible. A good mother-in-law i
really well-spring of pleasure to a
properly-conducted husband. She i
assiduotls in taking care of the baby,
and the serviceableness of her knowl
edge concerning the most effective meth
DDS Of carrying the infant through crit
ical periods, the efficiency with which
she dispenses paregoric, measures out
ipecac, and compounds plasters, fills the
minds Of just men with sentiments OF
admiration and thankfulness. Give til,
mother-in-law her due. 1t has been
withheld from her long enough.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03

Ants are constructed with the "back -
bone in front, and the heart and other
internal organs on the opposite side are
put together upside down, as we might
think. Their mouth is for biting and
swallowing food only, not for breathing.
Their bite is so determined and lasting
that they are used in some countries
for combining the edges of wounds and
cuts. Ants heads are presented to the
cut surface, which they grasp with the
nippers, when their bodies are cut of,
leaving whole row of them to hold the
flesh. They are cheaper than sticking
plaster in some countries.
As an illustration of their ingenuity
and intelligence, it was stated that they
sometimes excavate tunnels under rivers
of considerable depth and width, and
use the tunnels for transporting sup
plies. They dig wells twenty feet deep
and foot in diameter for drinking
water. The harvesting ants plant seeds
on farms, which they cultivate with
great care and neatness, keeping every
weed down and harvesting the grain,
curing and storing it safely in weather.
proof cavities in the soil. They also
organize into divisions with commanders,
each individual doing certain kind of
work. Some ants are smart enough for
engineers, while others only know
enough to do as they are told. They
can count and make correct estimates of
the magnitude of an undertaking, as
proved by observers.
Eight chrysolides (often called the
eggs of ants) were placed in a path
where ants travel. A single individual
found them and undertook to remove
them to their home. Several were car
ried by the single ant patiently enough,
but when twenty chrysolides were
placed in the heap, another ant was
found engaged in the work. The pile
was increased at intervals till eighty ants
engaged in the undertaking, showing
that the workers were detailed accord
ing to the demands of the cases. Ants
battles sometimes last many days, in
one case seven weeks, the victors finally
taking the stores and removing them to
their own houses. Their wars are
quite as justifable as those of men,
when the object-pillage-is the same.
They have the power, too, of knowing
members of their own communities
even after six-months' absence. Stran-
gers are always driven off or killed.
They are very helpful to each other, and
show sympathy in case of accident, or
sickness. Some families of ants build
arched roads covered by an arch of clay
or mortar for protection against enc
mics, and show great skill in the work,
which is under the supervision of trained
engineers, who order rebuilding if the
work is not perfect. Some kinds of ants
keep cows, build cow-yards, and milk
their COWS regularly, and don't throw
milking-stools at them either to make
them "give down." but stroke and
pat their backs very tenderly. OF
course these cows are the plant aphides
so familiar to farmers and gardeners.
Prot. e. S. Morse.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
Intellectual women.

Much Of the old prejudice against in
tellectual women remains, because the
average man continues to regard them
as inseparable from bookish dowdies
and pedantic egotists, from tumbled
hair, soled cuffs and personal inele-
gance. He has not learned that intel
lect no longer expresses itself-if, in
truth, it ever did-in such form end
fashion. He may have an intellectual
wife and be ignorant of the fact, since
she fails to discuss Greek roots and comic
sections, and since she fully appreciates
the advantages of clothes. His romantic
devotion to her is proverblal and he
reJolces in the consciousness that he
loves, often years after marriage, more
than he loved her on their wedding day
he never imagines that he is under the
permanent spell of her intellect, and
there are thousands of men of his nebu-
lous intelligence. The woman who
knows how to use her intellect has
guarantee for the final loyalty of her
lover or husband. He may swerve or
wander, but she can be patient and I'M
disturbed the forces of her mind, work
ing at distance, will in due time bring
the truant, contrite and chagrined, to
her ever-welcome arms.
The intellectual woman. properly bal
anced, is, in all the relations of life, the
best and longest loved, and is always
most genial and attractive. He who de-
clares that he detests intellectual women
simply means that he detests the osten-
tation of intellect, the self-conscious-
ness of undigested information. When
he meets really intellectual woman, he
is likely to think her charming fromlack
of intellect. He is too biased to COM
prehend that it is her intellect that gives
her charm. If most men who are still
in love with their wives could make the
last analysis of their fascination, they
would be pretty certain to find its chief
source to be harmonious intellect.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
In q GOndOla.

Speaking of her experience in a gon-
dola, Venetian writer to the Detroit
Free Press says: "Well, if could have
stopped breathing right there and then
would not have felt bad, for was too
happy to feel badly over anything.
Really, I never felt so happy in my life,
not even when 1 first saw the Place de
la Concorde in Paris, for / had seen
palaces before, and the ground around
them was no different than in dear old
America; but to be riding in a gondola
was so unlike anything / had ever done
before, and so romantic, | could with
the greatest difficulty realize that / was
myself. It was an awfully windy night,
but our gondola rode beautifully over
the waves with very peculiar motion,
caused by the queer way in which it was
padded along. As we turned In and
out the streets of water the gondoliers
would utter such strange and weird
sounds, to let other gondoliers know we
were going to turn the corner and they
must take care not to have a collision.
How the wind did whistle around the
gondola and rattle the windows. and how
many corners we turned, and how many
bridges we went under before we arrived
at our hotel, which was an old palacei
We had the gondola made fast at the
foot of fight of marble steps that came
right down into the water, and ascend
ing these steps into the hotel, went to
our rooms and prepared for supper. It
would not have taken much imagination
to have fancied ourselves on an ocean
steamer as the water made a terrible
noise smashing up against the sides Of
the old palace"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
MARB1AeEAB1E age in different coun-

BY galway jury is meant an IN
dependent jury, neither to be brow
beaten nor led by the nose. In 1886
certain trials were held In Ireland re-
speeding the right of the crown to the
counties of Ireland. Leitrim, Roscom-
mon, Sligo and Mayo gave Judgment in
favor of the crown, but Galway stood
out, whereupon each of the jury was
fined FL, 900.
The stone that suggested Wilkie Col
Inns novel, "The Moonstone," was the
Orloff diamond which originally served
as one of the eyes of an idol in Sering.
ham, India, but was stolen about $50
years ago by French soldier, who fed
with it to Madras, where he sold it to the
commander of British man-of-war for
So, 400. It was finally sold to Catherine
IL of Russia, for $418, 800 and an an
nual pension of $4,000.
If you want to fix in your memory the
order of succession of the monarchs of
England since the Conquest, get the fol-
lowing Shy hearts"
First william the Norman, then William Lis son;
Henry, Stephen and Henry, then Richard and John;
Next, henry the 101ru; EDWARDS one, TWO ana
three;
Again, after Richard, three Henrys we see
Two Edwards, third Richard, If rightly guess
Two Henry'e, sixth Edward, Queens Mary and Bess;
Then Jamie the Scott; then Charles whom they slew;
Then followed Cromwell, another Charles, too.
Next James, called the Second, assembled the throne;
Then William and Mary together came on;
Till Anne, Georges four and fourth William all past,
God sent them Victoria, the youngest and las.
WHEN one Englishman OF American
meets another the usual inquiry is,
Chow do you do?" The Frenchman
would ask, Chow do you carry your
self 2" The italian, Chow do you
stand?" Chow goes it?" and elbow
do you find yourselfP" is the German
Interrogation Chow do you fare ?" is
the Dutch; Chow do you perspire p
asks the Egyptian. The Chinaman
wants to know Chow is your stomach p
"Have you eaten your rice?" The
Pole, elbow do you have yourself?''
The Russian, Chow do you live on?''
while the Persian salutation is, "May
thy shadow never be less" and that OF
the Mexican is, in the morning, "How
did you pass the night %
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
The Champion Fish Story.

Au Eastern tourist had been spinning
some incredible fish yarns, when one of
the party, turning to an old mountaineer,
said
"Bill, that gets away with fishing in
this country, don't it ~
oval, 1 don't know bout that"
"Do you mean to say that you have
caught more and larger fish ~
"No; but I've caught some purity big
fellers."
Come, now, tell us the weight of the
largest trout you ever caught"
Wal, l can't exactly tell as to the
weight, but you folks can fgger OH it.
Now, you know it is over 200 miles
around this yer lake. Put that down.
AS I said before, / don't know the
weight of the biggest trout ever
yanked out, but did haul one up on
the beach, and after landed him the
lake fell three feet, and you can see by
that water-mark over yonder it hasn't
riz since. "-NeUada Journal.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
Mustached Girls,

Eyes said a st. Louis professor.
when asked about the frequency of such
cases, "there are considerable number
Of ladies afflicted with boards. The
trouble usually occurs in women who
are of dark complexion, and more fire.
quently in middle age than in youth.
When you see dark woman with large,
bushy eyebrows, which nearly grow to-
gether, you may be pretty sure that she
can grow an imperial if she will only
take the necessary pains. Hirsute
adornments are not so frequent in young
women, although they sometimes oc-
cur. A girl often has a heavy growth of
down upon the upper lip or chin. It
annoys her, and she keeps feeling it and
pulling it continually. Perhaps she en-
deavors to clip it with scissors, or, in
some cases, to shave it away. The re-
suit is heavier growth next time, which
becomes so prominent that it must be
removed. The most frequent place
where the hair makes its appearance is
on the upper lip or the chin, although it
sometimes appears on the side of the
face, and even on the throat In the
course of my practice / have seen more
than one woman who could raise heavy
beard if she only wished to cultivate it. .
DO many women shave ?" Why,
yes, great many more than is generally
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
BITS OF INFORMATION.

THE only fainless region in South
America is on the coast of Peru.
The first steam fire engine known In
this country was built in New York IN
1910.
THE police force of New York city
numbers 1850 There are 2, 126 men on
patrol duty.
THE Valley of the Mississippi contain,
500, 600 square miles, and is the largest
valley In the world.
The amount of indemnify paid tc
Prussia by France in 1871 was, in our
money, $500, 100000.
The total area of the territory of the
United States is 3, 500, 1874 square miles,
and that of British America about {, 800,
900 square miles.
CAPE HORN was SO named by Schou-
ten, a Dutch mariner, who first rounded
it. He was born at Horn, In North Hol-
land, and named the cape after his native
town.
THE first printing press was estab-
ished in America in 1889. The Ebay
Psalm Book was printed on it during
the following year. Now very rare
and costly book.
MARRIAGEABLE age in different coun-
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
GOSSIP FOR THE LADIES.



o did you see him riding down;
And riding down, while al the towE
Came out to zee, came out to see,
And al the bells were mad with glee7
o did you hear those bells ring out,
The bells ring out, the people shout,
Ana did you hear that cheer on cheer
That over al the bells rang clear?
And did you see the waving Gags,
The 6uttering flags, the tattered flags,
Red, white and blus shot through and through
Baptized with battles deadly dew7
And did you hear the dfums' gay best,
The drums gay beat, the bugles sweet,
The cymbals' clash, the lannon's crash,
That rent the skY With sound and AashS
And did you see me waiting there,
Just waiting there; and watching theirs,
One little lass; amid the mass
That pressed to see the hero psss?
And did You see him smiling down,
And smiling down, as riding down,
With slowest pace, with stately grace,
He caught the vision Of face
Ny face, uplifted red and white,
Turned red and white with sheer delight
To meet the eyes, the smiling eyes,
Outhsshing in their swift surprise7
0 did you see how sweet 1t came,
How swift it came, with sudden lame,
That smile to me, to only me
That little lass who blushed to ses7
And at the windows all along,
Q all along, lovely throng
OF faces fair; beyond compare,
Beamed out upon him; riding therel
Each face was like radiant gem,
A sparkling gem, and yet for them
No swift smile came like sudden fame,
No arrowing glance took certain aim
He turned away from all their grace,
From all that grace of perfect face !;
He turned to me, to only me,
Tie little lass who blushed to see.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03

supposed. They hide the traces that the
shaving leaves with heavy doses Of pow
der and plaster. Whenever you see a
lady, especially if she be middle-aged,
and more especially if she be dark
featured, wearing heavy coating of lily
white, one of the conclusions is that she
has been shaving, although it is not the
only inference. One thing Ia certain, a
lady who shaves must use powder In
large quantities, and there are many
ladies who shave"
sis the facial decoration easily
removed 2" "No, it is not. All the
books recommend depilatories, but
these are usually of little service.
They are composed mainly of quick
Inns and orpient, which is a prepa-
ration OF arsenic, and the only effect
is to cut hair to the stirface of the
skin; leaving the root intact to grow
again. There is also another mode of
treatment, but it is so slow and painful.
and requires the aid of SO skillful an ope.
rator, that it is seldom used. In this
latter, which is known as the electric
method, the patient sits in chair, hold
ing in her right hand a sponge which is
connected with the negative pole of an
electric battery. The operator holds a
needle or fine wire which is connected
with the positive pole, and this he
thrusts with quick motion down into
each cell or follicle, thus destroying the
root. Every time the needle touches
the, skin a severe shock is caused, which
will cause a nervous person to scream
out with pain, and, If tbs operator is a
bungler, or if his nerve is not very steady,
he will miss his mark and cause more
intense agony. Not more than one, or,
at most, two dozen hairs can be attend
ed to at one sitting-indeed, very few
persons can sit for one-fourth of the last
number-and hence you will see that the
operation is exceedingly painful. Some
times women attempt to operate upon
themselves. They heat needles and en-
deavor to introduce them into the capil-
larry cells. The usual result is that the
carbon, which accumulates in the needle
during heating, is imbedded in the cpl
dermis or underskin, and frst-class
case of tattooing is the result. Then,
again, many ladies use acid for the pur-
pose, and permanently scar their faces.
Others remove the hair with tweezers,
ETC."
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-03
Immigrants.

immigrants, the fat passenger said.
speaking with his head out of the win
dow, " are grand things for new State;
they are the bone and sinew of our coun-
try; they are the hope and strength of
the Stat; our doors are open to them,
and our hearts cry welcomer when they
come; they are the wealth of the from
tier, the development of the republic,
the glory of the golden belt, and the
support of the Land Commissioner;
but" he continued, speaking with hes
itating utterance, his attention and
thoughts being distracted somewhat by
a hot cinder as big as goose egg in
each eye, "but they are not, and I have
ever maintained it, they are not really
pleasant and attractive travelling COM
panions."
You are entirely correct, oh patient
and most observant of men," the Jester
replied with groan. A Danish lady
with three children was endeavoring to
share the TESTERS seat, and the Danish
baby was crawling over his lap to look
out of the window. Now the Jester loves
babies, indeed he does. but he is not a
very good dry nurse, and this little Dan
ish baby, poor little thing, hadn't been
bathed for two weeks, and it's face hadn t
been scrubbed for month, whereas, had
justice been done, it should have had a
bath ten minutes after the train started.
The Jester must have looked discour-
aged or severe, for the baby, hating on
its wandering way to the window, looked
up into his face. Then the grimy,
plump little lips quivered, and the suck
ling Hamlet began to cry in good strong
Danish.
at is he, Hamlet, the Dane" said
the sad passenger.
"What wilt thou do for him, Laer
tes?" asked the tall, thin passenger.
"Woo't weep2 woo't fight woo't fast Z?
woo't tear thyself? woo't drink up Esil
eat crocodile?"
"Nay, an thou'lt mouth" said the
Jester, "he'L rant as well as thou"
And then he climbed over the back OF
the seat and left the Danes in undisput-
ed possession, while he sat down beside
boy who ate apples and gingerbread
until he became sea-sick and then an
old woman, going down the aisle for a
drink Of water, fell against the side Of
the car going round curve, and bent q
very soft-boiled egg she had in her hand
against the panel, bent it all out Of
shape and then, as though the sad
spectacle of that blighted egg was al
inspiration of hunger, every last immi
grant in that car hauled out lunch
from box or basket or gram bag and be-
gan to cat, until the air was heavy with
the sound of bread crumbs and sausage
and cheese and corned beef and onions
and things. And there was no escape
from it, because these immigrants that
come into Kansas travel on first class
tickets, as rule, especially on the
North and South roads. It's unreason-
BILE to grumble about it. Poor immi-
grants, they can't help it; they're not
really fond of dirt, but there should be
some provision made by the railway
companies for their convenience and
comfort RIB B7LrHette