Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1881-02-03
HUMOROUS,

A good prophet One hundred per
cent.
A calico wrapper-The dry goods
clerk.
Epitaph for cannibal-" Ohe who
loved his fellow men,"
Bad for authors-Only men who can't
write make their mark.
Ten cents in the pocket is worth a
dollar paid tor beer.-Dsrrtck.
Firemen as well as other people. like
to talk of their old flames -RicGyune.
Come! come! rest in this BOSOM"
as the shirt said TO the fativon.-B0stm
Bulletin.
Bluebeard managed women SO well
because he always got ahead of theml-
Philadelphia lem.
A man advertises for competent per-
son TO undertake the sale of a new medi-
cine, and adds that 1T will be highly
lucrative to the undertaken"
Eighty million dollars worth of live
aud dressed hogs have beer sold to Eu-
rope in the last year. Uncle Sam is
putting on lardly airs.-Free Press
She.-"How do you like my new
belt?' 1t was OF shining yellow metal.
He" Well, approve ofa little music
at an evening party, but isn't brass
band rather too loud?"
Beaconsield ascribes al his greatness
to woman. Adam laid all his trouble to
the same source. Adam, we are ashamed
OF you! Beaconsfield, you are gentle
man.-Boston Transcript.
"I'll take a roll" said the saw-log to
the baker as it went down the hill
&eubenvt'Ie Herald. "And I'll take
loaf" the saw said, while they were
rolling it back.-BreakfGst Ta5lc.
young man may look very nice,
But il he happens to fall on the ice,
He drops all his airs, curses and swears,
And il any one laughs, oh, how he glAresl
-SprtHGieid CO., Sunday .Nela.
Good morning, Smith, y said a man
in shoe store the other day; whats
this pair of boots sold for?" What
are they soled for! why to keep the snow
out and the feet Marathon Iysde-
pendent.
Matilda: We have your poem, "Give
me back my ice-cream freezer" salted
down. 1t will appear at the proper
season. Give me back my old coal.
burner would be more appropriate
Just now.-KeokHk Gate City.
"Old Woman, how do you sell beetsP"
asked a loafer Of an old vegetable
woman in the market, and sac replied.
II just tell 'em III trust 'em, and then
give'em stuff that looks all right and amt
good for nothing. They don't like the
sell either.
One evening AT Paris cafe a group
OF idlers were discussing politics and
people who change their opinions.
yell" said one, I've never cried,
long live anybody" Quite sou re-
marked one; but then you're doe
tor"
You are in time, +" said the pedagogue
to one of his pupils, who entered as the
last stroke of the bell was dying away.
Bad grammar" ;" said the lad, and bad
spelling, also; for there is no u in
time" And now. that boy is having =
bad spell also-but not likewise.-Meri-
den Recorder.
The husband OF a scolding wife on
Vermont street stood gazing long and
earnestly upon her photograph in q
frame upon the wall. When she sharply
asked him why he stood staring at It
like an idiot, be replied that it seemed
SO strange to see her in a position where
her chin was in calm repose.- Modern
Argo.
"TBR IDOL OF HIS SOUL"
Now the husband, still lover,
And his wife, so true aud tried,
Der The dying IRE hovors.
Listening to the wind outside.
And with smile and cheering laugh, he
Calls her +" idol OF bis SOUL
Till he makes her, through his taffy,"
Bring another hod Of coal.
-Bioomfaoioa Eye.
Al tnefe IL anything tnat Will make
man rip stavin'. roarin'. bilin' mad, II Is
TO have the cook appear before him mt
breakfast with th announcement that
thetwo pounds of lamb chops purchased
by him the evrning previous, during
the wee small hours disappeared down
the capacious NAV Of the family
Thomas G. cat Lockpogs Union.
HOW IT WORKED.
Thare vas q man in our town,
lie vas 30 wondrous wise,
He thought HE business would run itsell
And he didnt advertise.
Wen, business was duh IT first,
But better times came. and It's quear.
One dzy with q rush he sold I'll hIs stnn.
But the sheriff was arctionesr.