Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-12-21
Naughty Choir Singers.

Naughty Choir Singers.
The subioined data wC give upon au-
thority Of Mr.. Jno. Chatwor,hy, q well
known church choir baritone You
NAV organize a church choir and think
you have got it down fine, and that
every member Of it Is full Of piou,ne-s
and goodness, but You may get left
when YOU least expect DO. / know a
choir which everybody >uppo-es is as
near perfect as anything can be in this
wicked world. WhcH that choir
strikes q devotional attitude IL j,
enough % make an ordinary Christian
think Of the angel band above, only
the male singers wear vhiskcn and
clothes. and the ladies DO, too, except
ING the whiskers. You would not
think thar this choir played tricks on
each other, but they do. They are
given the number, Of the hymns and
Jhev uu. q mark in the books. One
m0rnil. the soprano turned pale, rs au
ace Of spades dropped OUT Of her book,
the alto nearly tainted when the queen
Of heart, fell al her feet, and the rest
Of the pack was distributed around IL
the other books. They laid il on the
tenor, but he svore he didn't know one
card from another
Another time the soprano brought @
chunk Of shoemaker, wax. The tenor
Wa arrayed in white pants and q >ey-
mour coat. He got up 70 see who the
-irl was that came in with the old lady.
and the soprano put the shoemaker
wax on the chair, and the tenor sax
down upon il. They all saw IT, When
the prayer was over, the choir coughed
and all rose up. The chair that the
tenor was in stuck 70 him Ike q
brother.
Ii was the tenor 10 bat, and as the
organ struck up he pushed the chair of,
looked around 10 see if lie had saved
his pants, and began 70 sing. He was
called out on three strikes. and the alto
had 70 sail in, and while she was sing
ilg the tenor began 10 feel for first base.
u SOC what was the matter When he
got his hand or the wax be looked
dagger at the soprano, but she put
on a pious look, and got her mouth
ready 10 sing Hold the Fort, l.
all trst-class choirs the male singers
furnish candy for the female singers.
The tenor had a peppermint lozeugc
made with tcaspoontul OF cayenne
pepper in the centre. lie took his
iozcngc 10 church. Candy had been
passed around, and just before the
soprano wa, to sing q solo. Nearer
Ny God to Thee" he gave her the
loaded lozcngc. She put il in her
mouth, when the organ struck up and
they AN arose. While the choir WAS
diminishing on the first part, and get
ting scored up for the solo. she chewed
up what was left Of the candy and
swallowed it. IF a Democratic torch
light procession had marched down her
throat, she couldn't have been more
ast0nished. She took the book, her
ewes 6llcd with tears, her voice trem-
bled. her face was u, red a, a spanked
lobster, and the way she sang that
HYMN was "a caution. ~ she stopped,
while the Or-anlSt got IN 4 Hll!e WORK
,hc turned her head and blew ont her
breath with a "woosh," to cool her.
She wiped out some Of the pepper, and
sang the other verses with a good deal
II ieryor. and the choir sat down, all
looking at the soprano. She called for
water. The noble tenor went and got
it. and after she had drank a couple Of
quarts, she whispered to him, Young
man. | will get even with YOU for that
peppermint candy, if have to live a
thousand years, and don't you forget
II" and they all sat down and looked
pious, while the minister preached Il
beautiful sermon on Faith The
tenor wiz be blown through the roof
some morning., and the congregation
viii wonder what he is in such n hurry
FOR.