The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-05-04
QUIPS, QUIRKS AND
QUODLIBETS.

Why are balloons in the air like vaga-
bonds because they have no visible means
Of support.
A celebrated wit was asked if he knew
Theodore Hook eyes, replied he: Hook
and eye are old associates"
A glass-blower has recently died at the
ege of 1O2 years. His great age is another
proof of the truth of the blew-glass theory.
Love is an internal transport 4" ex-
claimed an enthusiastic poet :" So is a
canal boat said an old forwarding mer-
chant.
Athletic sports for ladies.-Jumping to
conclusions; walking round subject; run
.ling through a novel; skipping full descrip-
tions.
After the declaration This Is, perhaps,
not the first mitten you have received, Mr..
Brown 6 But perhaps the first you have
ever given, Miss Smith"
1t is proposed in Indiana to change the
marriage so that it will read, Who
Care take this womanl" And the bride
5room shall answer, . dare.
A chronological journal says that, unless
young men in selecting wife pay strict
attention to the shape of the fair ones chin
they are apt to be led by the nose.
are you q OuI1SLldn! 6SkGO d 5pGC-
tacled colporteur of flower girl on Broad
way the other day. No, sir Pm Bud
dhist, was the prompt reply.
Over a bridge at Athens, Ca, was the
following. Any person driving over this
bridge in faster pace than walk shall, if
a white person, be fined So, and if a negro,
receive twentyf lashes, half the penalty
to be bestowed on the informer."
HBelinda," said fair Clarissa, g why is
kiss like that sewing machine of yours .
+" Oh, don't know. Don't bother me- /"
g III tell you why. It's because it seems SO
good" CIarissa is going to be married
next week; Belinda is not, therefore eau
act appreciate the joke
Well it can't be for long, convulsively
sighed the bereayed widow, as she returned
from the last obsequies of her dear lament
sd No, it won't be long" and sure
enough it wasn't. Six months later she
wGs skipping around pricing orange blossoms
and inquiring after the latest styles in we'd
ding cards.
Sympathizing Stranger Bless me how
did you manage to fall like that, sir +" Irri-
tatcd Equestrian (who has come to grief(--
q Confound it. couldn't remain hanging in
the air after the horse ran away from me,
could II"
When a Baltimore craft set sail for vir-
ginia the other day she struck on bar, and
the crew lived on frozen turnips for two
days They want to get hold of Dio Lewis,
who says there is ninety-seVen per cent of
llutr:mcnt in frozen turnips.
Anegro having been brought mp before
M STRAIT and convicted of pilfering, the
m.c rate b2gan to remonstrate, DO you
kao.y low to raad?" Yes. massa-Iittle."
''sa Il, don't you ever make use of the
i y ?" . Yes, nlssa, strap him razor on
h:.n sometimes"
The Norwich Bulletin says: ''Whon Gre
nation becomes more ganer,I, it Is going to
b vary convenient to have the ashes Of
hive handy to sprinkle on the sidewalk
": lt.arli.s,s:
Imperial t'ans1r burnt to ashes
May serve to prevent sijcu-.l s'aaShes.'"
One of the lat ST and most ian gasble
of what the pleasant players call N W
:..:,tings is t'ilt OF tn mtn playing Ie1o, |
Who, WHEN OJIai!o asks Is lie not hon
-. B." has to Ply, " Honest, my lord in
n :ntelroy tory manner, instead of wI.i-h
...a Tsgo read it thus: Honest Ely
Lodi"
The 9th day simple child of nature
was waking along the banks Of the ) inc
Eirl her protector. Suddenly she said to
lor companion: " Tell me- where does shis
VA = COZ" q Into the sea" .. But, then,
WAY doesn't the sea oveIfiow?" Guess"
= Wei, I can tell you. Because in the sea
here are SO many sponges they su.k it all
,p"
It is a great blessing to have helpful
wife. There was once a half-w:t5ed fellow
yho informed his father that he wae about
o marry. Why, Charles, said the old
nan, you cannot support yourself What
fool to think of getting married" 81
NOW it. father, /" replied Charles "but
mn pretty nearly support myself, and it
Ices seem as if wife ought to help me
ome."
The st. Louis Republican, in response to
u appeal from an afflicted correspondent,
0lggosts several expedients for repeling the
1cial pirates who organize parties and prey
,pou their hapless neighbors. A bulldCs
IoeB. very well; grease on the doorstep y
Tery effective: pals of water flung out Of
window dampens the ardor of assailants
U electric battery attached to the beT-wiTe
works nicely smallpox placard is not to
- despised. = -