Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-08-20
Sl.OO PER ANNUM.
WIT AND WISDOM.

| Il ROD anu lyln CaUCueS the D1SBeSb
fish of the season.
IF a smoker were to chew up his cigar
and swallow it that would be o cigarette,
wouldn't it?
YOUNG men should be careful about
dropping remarks. They may be picked
up by bigger man.
THE man who does not advertise has
it done for him finally under the head of
failures in business"
The prayer, "Give me neither poverty
nor riches" is interpreted in Chicago to
mean about quarter of million.
THERE is good in everything. Small
pox kept a circus from Wilkesbarre.
This is severe blow at vaccination.
THE higher you are lifted by the re-
marks of flatterer, the fiatterer you
feel when you come down to the truth
again.
A BELLE of Narragansett is writing a
novel in which the hero is found in the
dessert chained to the bare back of a
bicycle.
A BUFFALO girl never has her wedding
dress made in that city, for fear some
body will say she was married in Buff
falo robe.
THE difference between pigs and pugi-
lists is not so very great. The latter
peel for the fight, and the former fight
for the peel.
A NARROW escape: "Back last
from Ireland, dear Sir John We have
missed you !' $50 have my tenants,
thank goodness"
IT IS learned that sharks are very
fond of cats as food. Now let some-
body invent a method of teaching sharks
to climb over woodshed roofs and back
yard fences.
A LOWELL man has wife of such
changeable disposition that he says
some days he loves her enough to eat
her up, and the next day wishes to gra-
cious he had.
WHEN the Old Testament is revised
and modernized it will probably state
that Adam, after eating the apple, re-
ceiyed word that his resignation would
be accepted.
THERE is bar at East Hartford
quarter of mile long and two hundred
feet wide. Thirsty gentlemen seeking
for a summer resort will regret to learn
that it Is sand bar.
BILLY THE KID was born in New
York. Had he remained there he might
have been O member of the last Legis-
lature. It was Billy's ambition to be
considered as bad as possible.
THERE is no brighter moment In the
life of young lady of ton than when
the happy discovery is made that she
can at last balance pair of eyeglasses
on her nose without squirting.
IT Is said that kerosene will remove
stains from furniture. 1t has also been
known to remove the furniture, stains
and all, with the stove and a red-headed
servant girl thrown in ofttimes.
CARE you going to the ocean ?" "No,
I am not going to the ocean; I detest
the motion; but my sister has a notion
of going to the ocean, by the way of
Goschen."
WHAT was itp I went out In the
woods and got it. After / got it look
ed for it. The more looked for it the
less liked il. I brought it home In my
hand because I couldn't find it. A
silver.
CHINESE BARRIERS shave without
lather." This reminds US that our old
used to lather without
shaving. One is said to be as painful
an operation as the other.-NorristOsC
Herald.
The London Times evidently does
not appreciate American genius when it
says William Penn's remains cannot be
removed to America because it Is not
known where his remains are. This is
no obstacle IL Yankee.
"IF YOU use burner like this on your
lamp" said the peddler, "you will save
half of the kerosene" The lady, who
belongs to one of the first families in
Austin, said she would take two, so she
would not need any kerosene at all.
A PRETTY girl ont West told her bean
that she was a mind reader. "You
don't say so r. he exclaimed" eyes"
said she, "you have 1t in mind to ask
me to be your wife, but you are Just a
little scared at the idea" Their we'd
ding cards are out.
A LOWELL woman, the other day,
paid her grocer fifty cents which she
had owed him twenty-five years. The
honesty of this woman is very touching.
She would rather owe her grocer all her
life than cheat him out of that fifty
cents.
NEXT time you shiver at having q
tooth pulled think of Joseph Brooks,
of Colorado. He lay still and let a
bear chaw his arm of, and thereby
saved the rest of his body. Come to
read the item over again it was wooden
arm, but Joseph wasn't to blame for
that.
WOULD one of our boss philologists
kindly inform us which is the correct
pronunciation Breakfast, breakfast,
brak-fist, breakfast, brck-fast, brek-
fist, breakfast, brok-fust, breakfast,
brick-fast, brick-fist, brick-fust, brick
fost-and greatly oblige an anxious in
quirer.
"A FARMER" says an agricultural
journal, "does not need so many hands
since the invention of the reaping ma
chine" No, by the teeth of the dragon;
and as rule he does not have so many;
by about one half. And if he has so
many hands, ten to one he hasn't so
many fingers.
A GOOD newspaper is the best spokes-
man for o community. It goes every
where, is noted abroad and at home, and
the stranger, scanning it at once, makes
up his mind as to the character of the
place where it is issued. 1t is important.
therefore, that the paper should itself
bear a good character, else it may dam