River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-07-28
IN A NUTSHELL.

An esthetic person in Boston says
pink and white glass makes q more at
tractive luncheon display than silver
or porcelain. In Chicago the main
thing is to have the liver and bacon
well done and the flies dredged out Of
the butter.
81 am waiting, my darling, for thee"
he warbled; and the old man threw up
chamber window and assured him
that "he'd be down in minute" he
lost his grip on the melody and went
ont of the waiting business.
80 you enjoyed your visit to the
menagorie, did you ?" inquired young
man of his adored ones little sister.
ooh, yes. And do you know we saw
camel there, that screwed its mouth and
eyes around awfully; and sister said it
looked exactly as you do when you re-
cite poetry at the evening parties"
The Oil City Derrick has hit upon n
very simple way of letting the public
know at all hours of the day or night
the Presidents condition. 1t keeps the
American flag flying. and its height on
the staff shows whether the latest bull
letins are cheering or otherwise.
A Californian who tied one end of a
rope around his waist and lassoed a
COW with the other, reports that "at
first that he thought he had the COW,
but at the end of the first half mile he
became convinced that the cow had
him."
Respected his oath: A wife murder
er defended his act by saying that life
.ritl oh In
''Then," said the judge, you might
have separated from her." "Ah p re-
piled the conscientious prisoner, 81
could not do that, for | swore to her
that nothing but death should separate
us"
According to Professor Swing, "the
coming man will be chaste, merciful,
just, generous, charitable, large-heart-
ed, sweet tempered. Christian, a good
neighbor and faithful citizen. What
a nice time the coming woman will
have.
A Clergyman was once forced TO
say to a congregation that PERSISTED in
depositing buttons in the contribution
box: "Brethern who wish to oontri-
butte buttons will please not hammer
down the eyes, for while that process
does not increase their value as coin it
does impair their usefulness rs buttons.
-Boston Post.
A short time since two young ladies
near Camberwell were accosted by
gypsy woman, who told them that
for a shilling each she would show
them their husbands faces in a pail Of
water, which, being bought, they ex-
claimed owe only see our own facesw
"Well," said the old woman, "those
faces will be your husbands when you
are married"
An assassin is defined by Webster as
zone who kills, or attempts to kill, by
surprise r secret assault" To assassl-
nate is ito kill, or attempt to KILL" etc.
Assassination, of course, is "the act
of assassinating," that is, the act of kill
ing or attempting to kill. Guteau is,
therefore, an assassin, and President
Garfield was assassinated, whether he
survives or not.-Councd Bluffs Non
ariel
The noble ST. Bernard dog is doomed
to extinction, at least az the friend and
rescuer of the poor foot traveller over
the St. Gothard. In few months the
beneficent and time-honored hospice
will be closed The railway under the
gigantic Alps will draw all wanderers
away from the mountain road for the
poorest peddler pursuing his little
commerce between Italy and Switzer-
land, and the most destitute searcher
after employment far from home, will
rather pay mis- small railway fare than
risk the avalanche and the weary walk.
so ends a great Catholic charity, one of
the most beautiful, brave and self-sac-
rifcing which the world has ever seen.
The United States statues provide the
following punishment for an an attempt
to kill within the District of Columbia:
Every person convicted of man
slaughter, or of any attempt to kill,
shall be sentenced to suffer imprison-
ment and labor for the first offense for
a period not less than two nor more
than eight years, and for the second Of
Tense for period of not less than six
nor more than fifteen years.