Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1881-09-06
GaIes allo Skftfbes.
THAT MEDICAL NAN.
By One Or TIE VICTIMS.

Squire Henderson was seated on the
steamers deck, gazing out upon the
scenery Of the Mississippi with steadfast
intentness. The legs Of the great man
protruded over the railing. and his huge
feet hung msjestically over the side OF the
steamer threatening to swamp her; but
the captain with prompt sagacity and I'M
erring foresight. ordered few hogsheads
Of molasses and thousand Of bricks to be
carried to the opposite side Not for
worlds would he disturb the profound
meditations of the great man. Squire
Henderson smiled. 1t pleased him to see
the great respect in which these people
seemed to hold him. All ? he thought,
Joe Henderson. see what your untiring
energy, your great benevOlence. your
brilliant talents, have done for you, see
how you tower above the common and
vulgar herd in the sublimity Of your own
genius, see how the people look up
The mighty thoughts of the great man
were suddenly interrupted by the APP
proach OF another party. one OF the .'vul-
gar herd" He was tall he was thin;
bis neck resembled a gander's, his eyes
those of mule. His features were char
acterized by prominent cheek bones, and
was made to show off al night by frey
red nose OF the Conkiing variety. His
clothes were threadbare and seedy. but
this was scarcely observed by the stran-
ger. 1t was the complacent air with
which he made himself at home Gin all
places), which at once attracted the atten-
tim.
This was the man who disturbed the
mighty workings OF the Squire's giant
intellect. He drew a camp-chair beside
the great man, and remarked. in a cracked
voice, Does not this unusually frigid tenn
perature serve to effect in most direiu
manner your nervous system. and 10 in
jure the wonderful and complicated work
ings Of the various physical organs, upon
whose steady labors is dependent that
greatest of human blessings-health ?"
The Squire frowned a frown which was
intended to annihilate the questioner, and
replied with great dignity, II am not a.
ware sir, Of any such thing and"
You mistake me SIR" interrupted the
thin man. lyon are probably not aware
that in the concurrent notions of mortal
man, various are the wonderful revelations
OF human mechanism and yet. sir, in Il
great many cases the constipated plethoric
and hepatic measures pursued by I'M
mitigated quacks, have deranged the
pathological structures of the medula
oblongator, and at various times the
laboratory of reason has been bcseigcd
by the satanic operators"
What do you mean, you-'' roared
the Squire.
MY dear sir, that the whole digestive
system Is at once destroyed by the indis-
eliminating use of such trenchant and con-
tnmelious nostrums. The preponderating
capacity of the Gsophaous induces the
rapid consumption of saubrious nutriment.
The gastric juice being entirely inadequate
to support such strain, the lacteals, dit-
phragm and CLOTHS are thus perverted,
the Tissues inhamed. and even the delicate
capillRries are superciliuusly destroyed by
the coagulation and condesation of the
liquid mass"
.'You consummate-,' roared the
Squire in a voice of suppressed thunder.
my dear SIR Interrupted the medical
man. '.restrain your admiration, do not
care for praise As | was about to re-
mark The effect of this upon the human
system is obvious. The Emphatic nerves
and lypoglossal portions of the cerebrum
are subverted. and the giant structure of
the human intellect demolished. Nor do
the bony portions of the body escape the
pernicious and demoralizng influence of
the horrible epidemic. The matchmaking
of the cartilage lubricatcs the nembranous
portions of the marrow. and serves to
support the friction with phospheric secre-
tons. and acting adversely upon the meta
physical structure prevents ossitication.'
There was murder in the Squires eye.
as he asked in voice of suppressed
emotion,
''And is that ALP
mo sir one more little point that was
about TO remark upon. The cerebro spinal
system communicates to the pericranium,
by means of the tendons, the destructive
oscillations You will now comprehend
my motive in speaking to you about this
matter. You have naturally a strong
constitution. but constant use of vile nos
trums has undermined your robust health.
II has shriveled your liver into one half
its normal proportions. These things
added to your unusual and astounding
use Of that annihlating and Obstructive
narcotic, tobacco. have not only, my dear
sir. brought upon YOU great nervous pros
tration. but they have also impaired your
naturally vigorous mind. You are horror
struck at your condition you have look
ed In vain for relief; you reel back
in horror from the grave! All suffer-
ing mortal ?" sighed the medical man.
while big tears rolled down his sallow
cheeks. Il. DIR. Jacobius Boodlebunk can
vet save you. There he said drawing n
bottle OF dark looking fluid from his
pocket, Here is your deliverance; here
Is your hope. your lite. my new PATENT
VEGETABLE COMPOUND BLOOD INvIGo-
RAroR AND SPONTANEOUS LIVER CURE.
II will renew your health; give back
your hope; restore your lost manhood
only fifty cents bottle" lie got no
further. With an agile bound the invalid
was upon him; one weak hand grasped
his collar. while the other seized firmly
hold OF his posterior raiment, The bic
loot swung quickly back and returned
with momentum which sent the medical
man spinning down the stairway toward
the lower deck. with a velocity of ninety
nine miles minute.
The people Of that district are talking
OF running the Squire for Congress. rs y
slight token of their gratitude.