West Virginia freeman. (Parkersburg, W. Va.) 1881-1886, 1881-11-30
SOlemn-COlum-y.

/ l.
FIRST EDITIoN.-Under the caption
"First Edition." the editor of the
Culpepper Times cavorts in a way
that would secure to himself big
reputation and perfect freedom If
he should now murder somebody.
Here's how it affects him:
"Arrived, at the home Of the ed
itor Of the Times, Sunday morning,
October I'd, in this the year Of our
Yorktown Centennial, 1881, LIT
TIE TYPO, weighing about seven
pounds. Reference, DR.. Robt. S.
Lewis.
eve feel good all the time and we
don't care three straws who knows
it. We have the paper out for
this week-we are going to take the
balance OF the day off, and have a
general thanksgiving to ourself.
We don't care for expense. If we
had the money, we'd give all the
printers in Virginia a million dol
lars apiece We'd buy steam power
presses for all our contemporaries,
and we'd build factories in Culpep-
per. We'd own railroads, and
Steamboats,, fast horses and bycicles,
banks and legislatures. We'd buy
new uniforms for the minute men,
send them to Yorktown and pay
them a yearly salary besides That's
Just the way we feel. Money is no
object now, and we don't care cent
for costs. Hurrah for our brand
new boy A.! Brother editors, the blue
eyed, rosy-cheeked little typo sa-
lutes you. We challenge every last
one of you to show a finer baby.
You can't do it, We advise all
young men to get married, settle
down and be happy.
KISSING THE WRONG MANA
very laughable occurrence was wit
messed at the Union Depot last
night. When the train from the
South stopped a lady alighted, and
seeing q gentleman standing by
whom she supposed to be her hus-
band, she ran towards him, and
throwing her arms around his neck,
showered kisses upon him. The
gentleman made no objection, but
when she ceased her oscillations, a
gentleman standing near by re-
marked, "Wel, Laura, haven't you
made a mistake ?" Laura turned
toward him in establishment, and
flying into his arms, buried her
blushing face on his shoulder, say
ing, "Lord bless me, Steve, [ tho't
it was you! Why didn't you
speak ?"-Ierre Haute Express.
A WHISKY KIss.-A Louisville
girl made an engagement to elope
with a young man whom her father
had forbidden to enter the house
The plan was to ride in close car
riage across the line to Indiana,
have the ceremony performed, and
return to boldly announce them
selves man and wife. This was
carried out as far as the startin the
carriage. Then the man kissed the
girl, and she found whisky on his
breath. More than that, she judg-
ed his unusual vivacity to be the
result Of slight intoxication. She
at once declared the affair off. AS
he would not turn back, she called
a policeman to her aid, got into an
other carriage and went home un-
married.
WANTED IN,-The Wayne Aduo-
cate is responsible for the following
During the present term Of the
Court a young man confessed a fine
of $500, and was sent to jail for
twenty-four hours, for disturbing
religious worship. The jailer hap
pened to be out when the Court
passed sentence, and was called for,
and Of course could not answer.
The Court told the young man to
go out to the Jail, ask the jailer for
the key, and lock himself in. He
started, and Of every man he passed
he inquired for the key, and upon
reaching the Jail he took his seat
upon the steps. and the last heard