Smyrna times., 1881-02-09
WHOLE NO. 1886
Current Comment,
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.

me American eagle now flaps his WINS
and screams "Vaccinate."
Jay Gould has purchased another rail-
road and three dozen eggs.
Mlnce pie was discovered in 1886 Dys
pepsia was discovered in 1897.
Inc mIkman always hates the butcher
--B9s'9" Post. Do Boston cooks djrt too9
Eggs are drug in the market. or per.
maps We should say they retail at drur
store prices.
Bernhard is making money so fat that
sne wont take the trouble to have bar
diamonds stolen.
II you value your friends life don't no;,+
an unloaded gun at him. Il is sofor
fight duel with him.
In the year 1900 February will have br,
twenty-eight days, although lean ven.
Paste this in your hat.
When Mrs. Astor needs exercise cha
puts on 100000 worth Of diamond. and
walks around with them.
a Delaware paper complains Of the n.-
gardly policy Of the State authorities 10.
ward the colored schools.
A correspondent says in Utah the more
wives man has the poorer he is. lust as If
everybody did not know that
The tobacco habit will kill sooner or
later. A Toronto man was fatally injured
oy falling on the stem of his pipe
Drunkenness is said to be demoralzipr
the regular army, and there is some talk Of
sending it to to an inebriate asylum.
New York baking powder manufacturers
are each trying to prove that their powders
are not so poisonous as some other party's.
Enjoy the winter while you can, instead
OF longing for the halmy days when organ
grinders, cats and flies will be thawed ont
An Ohio dentist has committed suicide.
1t is supposed that he had the toothacbe
and naturally preferred death to having it
pulled.
Harriet Beecher Stowe lost 100000 oran.
ges during the recent cold snap. Its Stowe
bad hat Vennor should so disorang every.
body's plants.
The wholesale skate dealers of this ceun.
try report an immense trade this wear.
| Manufacturers Of arnica and court plaster
also look cheerful.
There are so many cross-lot lanes and
serpentins streets in Boston that it is next
to impossible to present a bill to a man if
he wants to avoid it.
1t cost this country S3,500,OO0 to find out
that it has population of 100000 and
that the Western cities are not half so big
as they pretend to be.
The Detroit Free Press wishes to know
why colored ladies do not wear white court
plaster on their chins. 1t is probably be-
cause they have some sense.
A Philadelp hia youth took his country
cousin out sleighriding the other day, and
when asked how she enjoyed herself she
replied go, not very much; we did not
upset once"
Mr.. and Mrs. Hayes are not personally
popular, though highly esteemed" says a
Washington correspondent. 1t is very
hard to gain popularity in Washington and
keep sober at the same time.
When a man begins to 60 down hill ne
finds everything creased for the occasion,
says philosopher, who might have added
that when he tries to climb up he finds
everything creased for the occasion, too.
The Rev. Henry Ward Beecher says that
he has declined an offer of 100000 to
lecture for one year. We can sympathize
with Mr.. Beecher. 1t is very hard to re-
fuse such offers, but duty before pleasure
always.
The almOnd.eyed heather, commonly
known as the Chinese, have curious Gus.
tom of paying their debts before entering
upon the New Years festivities. No use
trying to civilize and christianize people
so far behind the age as that.
Edith: Although, as you say, both you
and Charles Augustus have no appetite and
care nothing for show, we do not think it
would be wise to marry on 500 year
Wait awhile; perhaps they will add few
more pennies to his salary next years.
Mrs. Myra Clark Gaines now puts in
claim to a large part of St. Louis and has
commenced proceedings to gain possession.
Will some one please tell Myra that Phila-
delphia is chuck full of smallpox and
never expects to get over it. It's awfully
catching, too.
General Weaver thinks that government
bonds, running from twenty " forty years,
without any interest sgl could be sue.
csssfully fioated. The next en- some
lunatic will argue that the people wouldt
| .tt. - -. :. L.. &. 90 e. Az v,r;v