River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-08-04
In A NUTSHELL.

and then refuses to pay for it.
Why are pianos the noblest of man
ufactured articles? Because they are
upright, grand and square.
Don't be afraid" said snob to a
German lahorer; ''sit down and make
yourself my equal" ~ would half to
blow my prains oud, was the reply OF
the Teuton.
He asked a Cincinnati belle if there
was much culture in that city, and she
replied, ''You just bet your boots we're
a cultured crowd"
A French engineer, after a series of
experiments with loaf of bread baked
by Vassar college girl, now announces
that the project of tunneling Mount
Blanc IS entirely practicable.
European tours will soon become un-
fashionable. The horrible discovery
has been made that it is cheaper to
summer in Europe than at an Ameri-
can watering-place.
An 0swego girl, on being told that
her Ease hair was coming off, replied
that it was no such thing, as she didn't
wear false hair And then she went
and looked in the mirror
Letters from West Africa concern
ing SANKEY'S expedition show that he
is is pushing his way toward the inte-
rior under many difficulties, cutting a
road over mountains which are very
steep, at an angle of sixty degrees, and
making 7ery slow progress.
Courtney has left the carpenters
bench, locked up his saw, and is prac-
ticing, with cabbage leaves in his hat
and a liver pad under his vest, on Cay
uga Lake.-Bt.6aio Neaos.
The American navy is not large, but
it is large enough to furnish sixty Off
GERS, with their families, on summer
duty at that seat of arduous naval Ia
bors, Newport.
The city pumps of Chicago supplied
II 100000 gallons of water to the in
habitants every day last week. This is
the greatest amount of water supplied
to any American city except New
York.
During the rage in Montreal for tick
cts to Bernhardt's performance, a
young lawyer named Layielette was ar
rested for obstructing the thoroughfare
at the ticket office He was shortly af-
ter discharged, but he brought an ac-
ton against the city for false arrest AID
recovered $500 and costs.
A saloon-keeper in New London,
Conn, whose lost pocket book, con
tanning nearly $500, was returned to
him by the finder, impulsively ex-
claimed "You pees Won honest poy;
| will shake nit you for de drinks"
And they SHOOK and the honest boy
lost and paid.
Tuchmann & Co. of London have in
vented fire extinguishing preparation
which can be kept in powder or solu-
ton. They claim that it is not only
more speedy and effectual in action
than water, but that nothing once
sprinkled with it will ignite 1t excites
much attention.
A man was found lying unconscious
under tree, the other day, with three
ribs broken and severe cash in his
left cheek. In his pocket was found
little book entitled GLOW to Avoid Ac-
cidents, and What to Do When They
Occur" The injured man evidently
forgot that he had the timely little
volume about him.
Mr.. Timelytopic and Mr. Verybusy
met on the street. and after few min
utes conversation ON business matters
Mr.. Timelytopic asked Mr.. Verybusy
if he had seen the comet yet, and was
surprised when the latter replied that
he had not as he had been out OF town
a couple of weeks.
Little Johnny had been caught by
his aunt teasing fly. Johnny" said
she, surprising some great beast
thousand times bigger than yourself
should tease you, and perhaps eat you
all up?" 81 hope" said Johnny, "he'd
feel as bad as | do when / swallow
fly"
In the garden two 6-year-old chill
dren, girl and a boy, exchanged Wig
orous blows and scratches, meanwhile
eliminating each other at the top of
their voices like Homerick heroes.
Mamma intcrferes, and, after much
difficulty succeeds in separating them.
what in the name OF goodness are
you up to, you unhappy little wretch
es ?" Playing husband and wife, MAJ"
At the Bagshot fancy fair, in which
royalty shared SO active a part, young
gentleman took a fancy to certain ar
ticle, and remarked to lady at the
stall that it was very pretty. She as
scented, adding 'My mother sent it,"
Really" softly resumed the customer.
"Wby, let me see; | almost think |
must have met your mother. Her
name is-?" "The Queen" replied the
'saleslady"
gang of tramps have taken pos
session of Lamar Place, Pa, and are
making it very unpleasant for the in
habitants. They have regular camp
and live well, stealing calves, pigs,
fowls, hams, and vegetables by the
wholesale, and begging bread, salt pep
per and butter from the farmers wives.
They also milk the farmers cows.
She iammed hairpin in her head
1t made her feel quite sore
She murmured in an undertone
won't hairpin any more"
Her lover heard this dreadful jest,
And cried in deep distress:
That pun, my darling, pom my word,
Has wrecked my hairpinessW
This couple, joined the MINISTRIES, then,
But they were not desired
For all their jokes were new and good.
And they, of course, were fired!
Clipper.
Mrs. Nellie G. Nelson, of Sutton, N.
H., recently obtained a very large hens
egg, and on breaking it found that it
contained the white but none Of the
yolk of an egg, but in addition to this
there was still another egg. She broke
this second egg and found the same
condition of affairs as when she broke
the larger shell, and breaking the third
egg it was found to be filled with white,
but no yolk, making three eggs in one,
none of which contained any yolk.
An Elk Hunt in Oregon.
Albany (0re.) Democrat.
One day last week t. p. Mcknight,
proprietor of the pleasure resort at
Lower Soda Springs, started out with
his son Charley to hunt for elk across
the Santiam from the springs. After
going few miles they discovered an
elk, and Charley succeeded in killing it.
They skinned it, and taking part of
the meat on their backs and covering