Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1881-06-18
SPOOPENDYKE
what Comes OF Getting News From
a Pattern.
Rrooklvn Eagle.

SIS there any truth in this story
that Mr.. Garfield has killed SeDa-
tor Conkling ?'' inquired Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, fitting the sleeve into the
armhOle and running the basting.
"No ~ calculated Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "Where did you get that
Mr.. Conkling has resigned but he
amt dead"
81 read that he had got into some
difficulty with Mr.. Garfield, and
Mr.. Garfield had dragged him all
around by the ear and finally they
had to take Mr.. Conkling away to
save his life, though he died after
ward"
"Who said so ?" demanded Mr..
SpOopendyke. "Where'd you get
anything like that ?''
~ read it on pattern that Mrs.
Winterbotham loaned me for an
Overskirt. Pm sure it's So" re-
piled Mrs. SpOopendyke.
''Get the pattern" said Mr.. SpOo-
pendyke. "Show it to me !"
Mrs. SpOOpendyke unrOlled the
pattern and commenced to read:
"The complications at Washing
ton have assumed the most eXcit-
ing shape. To day the trouble be-
tween Garfield and Conkling Gull
minated by COnkling selling him
by the throat and holding on while
the crowd yelled with delight.
Twenty to one was offered, but
Garfield remains firm and declares
that the administration will not
yield, This position aroused the
crowd to frenzy. 1t ID said that
COnkling really desires TO retire to
private life, but Garfield at that
moment planted his teeth in his
game adversary'S ear and dragged
him around until the friends of
Conkling interferred to save the
poor things life. He was taken
home, but died in few minutes"
There ~ said Mrs. Sgoopendyke,
triumphantly, 81 told you So"
"ShoW mel /" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, jumping up and seizing the
pattern. "Where'd ye find such
dod gasted nonsense as that ?
Where is it?"
"There, it begins under the ruff
file, then it runs over on the band
and down on the gore, and ends
here on the plating. ] knew I'd
seen it," aHd Mrs. Spoopenpyke
smiled pleasantly,
'FWhat's the matter with you,
YOU measly idiot 2" hoWled Mr.,
SpOopendyke. "This Is where you
get your political information, is it?
This is the source of your intelii-
gence on National affairs ? All you
want is two more patterns and
bald head to be Il constitutional
lawyer; Three Overskirts and a
pair of speptacles would make you
a Supreme court judgel What dye
think this is ?'
Isn't it right ?" faltered Mrs.
SpOopendyke. "Did you read it
from the ruflle over to the band
and down to the gore"
eyes, | did, didn't -" squeaked
Mr.. Spoopegdyke, land SO did you,
didn't you? DO you kp9W what
you've got here ?"
"Isn't it a pat"
"Dod CAST the pattern-I mean
the print Part OF it is about Gar
field, part about COnkling and the
rest is dog fight on Long Island.
Know What il is noY9 Think you
can understand it, now I'Ye 'ex=
planned it to you i? Oh ! you can
You've got brains Same day Pm
going to run . pipe into your ear
and start a phosphorus fact0ryE7
and Mr.. Spoopendyke danced out
of the room leaving it strewu with
pattern dust.
81 don't care, J" sobbed Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, ait read all right, and the
Skirt fitted SO nicely that suppOS-
cd the articles were put together
straight, Aud it was so perfectly
natural anybody might make the
same mistake. It's so like mGst |
Of the news from Washington that
Pye been expecting 1t every day"
and Mrs. Spoopendyke overcast the |
sleeve with the serene conviction |
that after all you've got to patch Il
into pattern to get the |
,ctRal facts sometimes.