Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-04-15
f u N
A Sample Village.

1 write this 1rOm country Village Gull
tanning about one tn ousand. inhabitants.
It is lovely little town nestled on bill
side to break off the raw winds OF winter
and the hurricanes of summer. When L
arrived this morning it seemed to me as If
there could not be a bad man or scoldlng
woman in the village, but four hours ave
passed and am wiser man. came
here to see old Mrs. Brown, about pen
sion she wants from the government. and
when we had finished our business l said:
81 see you have four churches here.''
eyes; but we never have any sermons
worth listening TO-"
''The men look intelligent and SMART
"Humph! They are regular pokes. There
isn't man in Farmville who knows
enough to ask boot in horse trade"
'sBut the women look happy protest
ed.
ssThen they look what they ain IT," she
answered. 81 don't believe there is hap
py woman in the whole village. If you
knew Of the awful carvings on here you
wouldn't look for happy wlves.''
YOU'D better ask what they don't do!
It's wonder to me that Farmville hasn It
shared the fate of Sodom and tomorrow"
'sDo they drink ?''
''Do they Didn t I see even old Dea-
con Harris weaving this way and that as
he climbed the hill last EVENING" Its slip
perry path, of course, but sober men don't
climb hill sideways"
''Do they gamble %
.'Gamble! What did Mrs. Potts tell me
that her brothers wife told Mrs. Davis not
q month ago? Four of the leading men
in the place were caught playing checkers
for the soda water. That's nice exam
pie. isn't it 20
SIS Mrs. Potts nice?''
ssNice Why she's the worst gossip IN
town. It's wonder the men don't duck
her in the mill pond -
And Mrs. Davis ?''
ssShe's hypocrite She'll talk sweet
TO your face and abuse you behind your
back
s'Mrs. George is well spoken off,
shy whom? I've known her fifteen
wears. and I never heard a human being
speak well of her She eats opium and lies
like trOllop!''
s.Isn't Mrs. McHenry all right -
sAn right 4? Why no one can live in the
house next to her,
1.-THE postmaster seems like good man
ventured to remark.
aGood man! Why, my husband always
believed he was the very man who threw
a WALLER dog dog down our well. | don't
say he steals letters, but know that when
T sent two cent stamps in lette: to my
daughter in nlinoy. she never got 1t.
"But there mnst be one good man
here ?''
"There must eh ! Well, [ wish you'd
pint him out to me. I'd like to polish up
my spectacles and take a good look at
him.
''And isn't there any faultless womenT'
s'Well. don't want to seem vain and
conceited, because none of us are long for
this world, but expect I'm the faultless
one you are inquiring after ~
I think I shall go out in the evening
train. Mrs. Brown says that every house
and lot is mortgaged, every business man
is ready to ''bust," and every family has
at least one scandal about them. On my
way over to the postofice an hour ago /
asked a grocer did be know old Mrs.
Brown.
'sKnow her! Why, she's a gossip,
liar. hyp0crite and dead-beat, and too
lazy to change her stockings more than
twice year.-M. Quad.
1.-THE whisper Of beautiful woman"
says Balzac, can be heard further than
the londest call Of duty" Bot the man
who is creeping up stairs with his boots
off at O'Clock a. m, and hears the whis
per of his wife as she leans over the banis
ers in the darkness, doesn't think of her
beauty. His chief thought is how much he
would like to exchange his boots fora pair
of wings.
What did Cain say when the Lord ask |
ed him where his brother was p, asked a |
sunday school teacher Of his class. None
of the children spoke up, but finally little
Jimmy snapped his fingers and said. 81
forget what Cain said, but he sassed the
Lord back.o
''But, Miss Tomkins, do tell mellow old
you are.'' sob but don't tell nv aoe
any more. l am just as old as | look
there Indeed, thought you much
younger
.Ihave been present at many religions
awakenings." said the fly. as be passed
from one bald spot to another in neigh.