davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01
Turning the Tables.

The race is not always TO the swift
nor the profits of lccerdemain to
the prestidigitator. While Herman,
the '.Viennese Wizard" was in Bu-
enos Ayres he was invited TO exhibit
his skill at the residence Of tie Aus
tro-Hungarian minister, where a
large company was assembled. For
the sake of imparting additional
luster to the occasion a party Of five
performing Patagonians had been
hired to lend their presence. Herr
man created vast meriment by
playing Ill manner Of tricks upon
these artless heathen lie extract
ed articles of every size and shape
frcm their hair, noses. mouths and
ears, but the patagonians remained
strangely composed in The midst Of
the fun going on around them. And
no wonder, for while the magician
was disengaging a massive orna-
ment from the thick lecks OF the
leading Patagonian, that accidental
All Sin took a hand in the game lie
did not understand and extracted
from the wizards pocket an elegant
gold watch presented TO Herman
several years ago by the Emperor OF
Austria. On the following morning
when .he loss was discovered the
Patagonian performers had depart
ed to keep an engagement across
the sea.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01

In tie hip pockets Of an old va
grant, pulled in by the police the
other night, was a memorandum
book fun Of his own writing with q
pencil. Some OF his philosophy is
good enough to be preserved. His
first paragraph reads
Drinking bad whiskey because
Il IS offered free IS ike getting in the
way Of ballets purchased by the en-
envy"
4 second reads:
Honesty IS the best policy, but
some folks are satisfied with second
best. 1t Is hard 10 be honest ON an
empty stomach"
4 third runs:
y dry plank under a rain-prolf
shed is better than feather bed in
Jail, and one isn't annoyed by the
jailer bringing in a square break
fast"
A fourth says
Pay as you go. II you havn't
anything to pay with, don't 90. If
you are forced to 20, record every
Indebtedness, and let your heirs set
tie the bills
The fifth explains
we should have charity for all.
When the winter winds blow cold
and dreary, VIC vags should pity the
poor fellows in India who are hav-
ing red hot weather.
\ sixth was recorded:
poiiteness costs nothing, but il
) not expected that you viii wax
a man up at midnight TO ask per-
mission to go through his hen
house. It is more courteous TO let
him enjoy his needed rest.
The seventh and last was noted
down as follows:
When YOU pick up an apple
core don't find fault because it is
not the apple itself, but be satisfied
with the grade Of descent We can
not ali be lords nor can we all be
vagrants. As | cannot be 4 lord |
should not lament being a vlgrant
Be truthful and out-spoken. That
is, tell EN- you are a Chicago fire
sufferer. Keep seasonable hours
or some yag will get your plank
FIRST. Sc hopeful, cheerful and
good natured. Growing won't cure
a sore heel.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01
why Deacon $. Went Behind.

1t had got to be common talk Of
the neighbors that Deacon s., who
several years ago lived in Hamilton
county, Ohio. was going behind, but
no one knew exactly the reason why.
The fences were down on his farm ;
the place was not only covered with
weeds, but worst Of all, with mort
gage to a considerable amount. One
day the hoe was missing, and after
hunting ii for a long time, Deacon
s. called to his son John
Where is the hoe, John ~
Don't know, father"
Thought | told Won TO always
keep it in its place p
Didn't know you had place for
it. father"
Next day the shoYcl was missing,
then the axe. An hour was CON
sumed in finding it-just at that
time. too. when Mrs. $. was impa-
tiently waiting for wood to get din
ner with. After the axe was found
the handle was discovered to have
been broken another hour was con
sumed in fixing it.
One evening farmer \. come in
about dark to st awhile. After n
little conversation, says Deacon S. ::
"Will you have something to
drink ?n
well, l don't mind" replied far
mer A., if its handy
Certainly it's handy SAYS the
Deacon and although il was dark,
he went to the cupboard and with
out any trouble put his hand on the
bottle. 4 light was struck, and it
some of the inQuisitive persons had
looked in an hour thereafter they
would have found a solution very
readily to the question OF why Dea-
con S. was going behind.
Although he had taken several
draughts from the bottle, he was
careful TO put it back in its accus-
toned place. He could get up in
the darkest night and put his hand
on the bottle, but he could never
find the hoe. This was the secret of
Decon S. going behind. Any man
who attends 10 his bottle and for
gets his hoe viii be likely to so be
hind.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01
GRANDMOTHER
nr rnEx 3. nrxFerp.

Grandmoiher's face Is wrinkled,
And her eyes are getting dim,
50 she cannot read her Bible,
Nor follow through the lynn.
Her step Is growing slow r,
Her voice is sometimes faint.
Eut II never vii, ge; weak enough
To make sad complaint.
Her hands are sometimes idle,
For knitting tires her so.
But her brain isalways busy
With thoughts OF Heaven, know.
Shc is thinking Of her dear ones,
\ little way ahead;
Just AZ the end of the pathway
Her tired Zee, must tread.
think, sometimes, rs ! watch her,
That she sees them, for a smile
Breaks over her face, and she whispers
Yes dear il little whiler'
Her face win ioseits wrinkles,
And the dimness leave her eyes,
And grandmother win be young again
Ia the land beyond the skies
Il always thrills me strangely,
e tlink Of her, standing there,
5, ,..e gates OF Heaven, knocking,
Whcn her feet have climbed the stair
And the key is turned in the portals,
The gates swung open wide,
She passes into Heaven,
and the peace on the otkerside.
To meet her husbands kisses,
And bear him softly say,
Il have waited long time, darling,
For this happy, happy day
Yes, grandmother will be young again,
Though her heart was never old,
When She enters into Heaven,
And treads the streets of gold.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01
Renew Your Lease.

There are times in every ones
life when energy fails and a misera-
lie feeling comes over them, often
listaken for laziness. Dangerlurks
81 these symptoms, as the arise
rom impure blood or diseased or
sans. Medical advice is expensive
nd often unsatisfactory. Parker's
.inger Tonic viii renew your lease
81 health and comfort because it re-
ores perfect activity to the Stom-
sch, Liver and Kidneys, and puri-
lies the blood, as men and women
restored to robust health testify in
almost every neighborhood. See
adv.-Adrocdte.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01
81 IaeIasa. o coIoaeI .leoles L8fe.

Two qualities essential 10 q sue
cessful executive OF o constitutional!
( country he certainly had in perfec-
tion-courage and selfpossession.
During the terrible railroad riots Of
1871 these qualii es enabled him to
face and m . situation which
would hav Ganerved q less firm and
res0Iute uIali, and while they never
failed him il emergencies they gave
( q peculiar and manly charm to the
cordiality and simplicity Of his
manner and his bearing III private
life. IN excellent story IS told Of
him in connection with en- officer OF
The army VINO distinguished himself
during the civil war By invariably
establishing his headquarters In
the saddle" when disaster threaten
ed his command. Colonel Scott,
3 remarkably fnc-looking. and 70
use q good English word, - distinct
iy personal man, was noted
throughout his lie for his careless
ness OF the more elaborate elegan-
cies Of dress. When ne visited the
Southwest officially during the re-
bellion he was frequently taken for
q hanger-on IL the army on account
Of bis modest and unprctenti0us
carriage and the negligence OF his
T. costume. He had occasion to visit
General Pope at his headquarters at
New Madrid, No. General Pope Is
greatly addicted TO profanity and
violence Of manner and was partieu
larly so at that time. Colonel Scott
entered the headquarters with the
remark o. ! should like TO see Cen
eTal Pope on business .
See nay Adjutant,7 roared out
Pope.
Sly business Is with General Pope
in person"
Blank, blank your business, see
nay Adjptant, tell you.
My name is Scott, and"
II doat care whether your name
IS Scott, or Jones, or Smith, or
Brown. See my Adiutant, blank,
blank YOU
"As / was about to say, my name
Is Scott, and / wish to see you on
Government business. I have the
honor to be Assistant Secretary Of
War
Popes demcanor underwent q
revolution IS he said, in the bland
est manner Il beg your pardon,
Colonel; / bad no intention to be
rude, but there are so many loafers
in camp, and they annoy me so
much, that / am sometimes put out
Of temper. Be good enough to take
q seat and inform NE Of your wish
es." Colone Scott entered at once
upon the business in hand. making
no reference whatever to Pope's out
rageous behavior and acting Just as
Il the occurrence had not taken
place.-NcU York Eorld.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01
woman's Wisdom.

She insists that It IS more i'm
portant that her family shall be
kept in full health, than she should
have al the fashionable dresses and
STYLES Of the times. She therefore
sees To it, that each member Other
family is supplied with enough Hop
BitteTs, at the first appearance Of
any symptoms Of i'll health, to pre-
vent fit Of fsickness with its attend
ant expense, care and anxiety. All
women should exercise their wisdom
IN this way.H-Nar HarR Palladi-
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01

The fashionable spring bennee
fer 1881 is to be profusely deeorat-
ed with flowers, and provided in the
rear with a FIRE escape, so that the
wearer's friends can climb to the
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01
NEW SPRING
AND
SUMNER GOODS
SAMPLES or GOODS,

art auv iaflrmalion ,ha, may be desired,
tas, .t is possible for Us TO give. will have
ocr most careful and prompt attention the
anne day they are received. in sending
yosr orders state as cyplicitly as vou can
wla- you want.
~D % not fail TO read oar regular item
izea advert isenents, Is thev appear from
li'ue 30 time IN a OF the Pit;sblrch daily
aad religious wee,5ly papers
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01

\ little boy was asked where the
wicked finally went. answered:
~They practice law a spell here
and then 20 TO the Legislature.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01

Often She who runs may read,
but oftener he is not able to read
while running. Put your advertise
ment in n newspaper rather than on
2 fence.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01

The man who takes life" cheer
fully deserves to be hanged.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01

Don't get in debt with a shoema-
ker ifyou would call your soul your
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01

\ dentists sign.-Drawing, music
and dancing.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01

The material for good soldiers
must be planted in drills
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01

Encourage home industry-get
ting your wife TO black your boots.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01
A kiss-The elixir OF tulips.

Old sinners become in sin-sere.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01

{ viii pay iiirn, though the milk Is
not ~ good as the Essssc got. Per-
haps Mr.. Matthews viii tx that
when hc gets TO be Justice. Do you
think Air. Malone will come, too p
Gomez shrieted Mr. Spoopen-
dy.se; @of course ho'll come. He's
liable 20 be here any minute. He's
q burglar, | tell you. and he may
come oyer the back iance tonight
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01
,o.r,,,s of Publication,
~ Somerset Herald,


s.sry wednesday 'ag..sias at s. o.
~ II paii in advances Ssh'F'i'' g ''
,.dai,saa saaTEed.
y .,i.s VIII ss s!soa,lsael until all
70 ssis ur Posaaarcr nes'eetlEg
=. vtcu saoserioers'io not take en'
l,.s nsl 'rssruslale fsr lie SUB
7snsy.as aom one Posi''iace 10 an
,,.sll give a. me name Of Che former as
.rrs.s. c.nse, Addrr"
The Somerset Herald,
Somerset. IA.
The Portland daily press., 1881-11-24
i THE RAILROAD WAR.

Mr.. Vanderbilt's Views on the Subject.
New YORK, Nov. 23.-Ip spite of the numer-
oas rumors of the speedy settlement of the
railroad war that have been circulated in Wall
street recently, there are no indications that
the conflict is at an end. The schedule rates
from Chicago to New York are higher by the
Vanderbilt lines than by any others, and on
the other hand the west-bound rates are lower
by Central and the Erie than by the other
trunk lines. The schedule rates, however, are
not observed on either west or east bound
freight, and the cutting in rates goes on as
vigorously as it did before the nominal adj
vanced rates were made. 1t has been frequent
ly rumored recently that some negotiations
were pending for a settlement OF the difficulty,
that Vanderbilt was disposed to accept any
compromise that would secure him money,
and some of his friends have stated that he
would acoede to any reasonable terms OF set
Element. In regard to this fuatter Mr. Van
derbilt says: "There is no doubt that the
railroad war is very foolish thing, but 1t is
ifficult to pick out the fools. Perhaps may
be one of them. There may be others. /
have studied this railroad matter pretty
thoroughly, and I am not sure that the rail-
road managers should settle this question OF
differential rates between the cities on the
seabnard. OF aourse the railroads are vastly
interested in the settlement of these rates,
but what affects us affects the whole commu-
nifty. We have done what we could with the
railroads, and the question is not decided.
Why should not the community, wnlcn is
deeply interested in it, have voice in de-
tvrmining this matter. If the railroads con-
not agree upon the fair difference in rates be-
tween Baltimore and Philadelp hia and New
York, let the business men and the Boards OF
Trade say what advantages should be given
and taken. The Central and the Erie now are
fighting bitterly for the supremacy Of this
city. Ought not the city, the blsiness men,
to take some interest in the struggle? At any
rate the railroads cannot prolong the fight for
ever They are paying heavily for it now.
But however this question of differential rates
may be settled, one thing is certain that the
next time it must be settled for long time
There must be no agreement made merely to
be broken. The differences in favor of Balti-
mole and Philadelphia have been reduced
many times since we first made the agreement
but the have not been observed very we'll at
any time, and there is no use for any one to
deny it. We know it, and have had to meet
the rates of the other roads. want that sort
of thing to cease. want a fair and an open
rate. One thing at any rate is certain, that
fair open rates must be made the basis of any
agreement that is made" In regard to the
report that the Baltimore and Ohio was con-
templatlng making its parlor cars free, in
order to offset the advantages of the Pennsyl-
vania and Central fast trains, Mr.. Vanderbilt
sain: ''That doesn't amount to anything; they
can't get the travel there"
The Portland daily press., 1881-11-24

quently interrupted, protesting against refer
enoe being made to his failure to pay his
board. ~ paid So and owe her $25," said
Guiteau, 'that's all there is about it. They
were very nice people to live with. Gen. Lo.
gan and other high toned people lived with
them"
NORWOOD DAMON,
of Boston, was present at Guitean's Boston lee
ture and thought him insane.
GEO. w. oLDs,
of Michigan, employed upon Scoville's farm,
detailed recent eocentricties on the part Of Gut
teau, which led him (the witness) to think at
times he was insane.
Guiteau became quite impatient during Mr..
Scoville's questioning of this witness, and
broke out with II won't have a lot of this col
lateral, irrelevant nonsense brought out.
want my record, am not ashamed of 1t, and
that Is all do want"
Davidge-Never mind that, Mr. Guiteau.
You shall have it.
After some further interruption by Guiteau,
Mr.. Odds was cross-examined and the case
went over till Friday.
NEW YORK, Nov. %. e @ Seguin and e.
@. Spitzka have been subp@ned to go to WASH
ington as medical experts on behalf of Guiteau.
The Portland daily press., 1881-11-24
D0nrEsTEC POR.Ts.

NEW ORLEANS-Ar 3d. ship Lydia Skoteld
Miller, Bremen.
PORT EADS-Ar 21st, brig Ellen ii Munroe
Whitaker, Philadelphia.
BRUNSWICK-Sld 18th. schs Four Sisters
Boston: O II Foster, Coombe. New York.
SAVANNAH-Cld go, barque Hattie Dixon
Yates Brunswick. ,
BALTIMORE-Cld 22d, sch Maggie Gray, VIII
Sid 90 brig VI G Mariner; sch j W Brown.
CITY POINT, Va-Ar 21st brig Lucy w snow
Rosh, Rockland.
PHILADELPHIA-Ar 22d, str Hercules, Pen
dletou, Portland.
old 22d. barque Minnie Hunter, Laithwaite, Port
land: scbs W II Boardman Richardson, New YORK
T w HYDE Hodgsdon. Boston.
NEW YORK-Cld 22d schs Mary Oliver, Lew
is St Croix; Addie q Bryant, Stubs, Key West
Passed the Gate 22d schs Beale, Rockland fol-
New York; l. holway. Bryant Fail River TOR New
York; A X Woodward Woodward, Providence for
10; Lucy Ames Bishop, New York for Boston; An
ME Gus Knowlton do for do.
ar 23d barques Havana, Rice, Saguai Au Sa
ble Andrew Coosaw.
PROVIDENCE Sid 22d brig Rocky Glen, Hig
NtWpORT-Sld 22d schs q Willard Adams
Portland for New York. Clarahel Nickerson
iSockport for do. WIN Slater, kilen. Boston foi
port i<oyal: Ncponset Frye Boston for Richmond
John Nave Drlnkwa er, Fall River tor New York
ND(arqo Lew Bangor for Philadelphia; Emma
xard. Millbridge for New YORK; Mary j Adams,
Fitzgerald, Bangor for Philadelphia.
DUTCH ISLAND HARBOk-Ar 22d, sch a
Pike Noble, Calais for Mystic.
The Portland daily press., 1881-11-24
MAINE.
Launched at Bath.

lAuuCa6Q dt Ddbns
BATH, Nov. 23-Albert Hathorn launched
to-day first class ship of 2205 tons, owned by
P. NJ. Whitmore, one of our old and respected
shipmasters and owners, for whom she is
named, James M. Hagar, L.C. Blair and Capt
Dexter Whitmore. She will be commanded
by Cap Dexter Whitmore. She is the largest
ship ever built in this district.
The Somerset Reporter Burned Out.
SKowHEGAN, Nov. 23.-Fire at O'Clock this
morning partially destroyed the building owned
by Abel Prescott. The lower story was occu-
pied by Charles Clark as bakery and the up
per story by Smith & Mayo, Somerset Re
porter office. Loss on the building estimated
from $1,000 to $1,000; no insurance. Smith g.
Mayo's loss is estimated at $1,000; insured for
$2500, which was largely on machinery and
type. A large stock Of paper was burned
Loss on bakery probably small. The fire caught
from the bakery.
Loss and Insurance.
BIDDEFoRD Nov. 23.-The loss upop A. K
P Lords saw mill, in Buxton, is now placed at
$1,000, and it is reported covered by insurance
Poisoned by Coloring Matter in Tea.
LEWISTON, Nov. 23-Six members of q
French family, named Sainden, at Lisbon have
been sick for several days. On Monday one
died and another will probably not survive
The cause of their sickness was mystery till
it transpired that they had purchased four
pounds of green tea for one dollar of ped
dler Only those who have drunk the tea are
affected, and the physicians think the coloring
matter contains poison.
The Portland daily press., 1881-11-24
MINOR KILOGRAMS.

Ex-Lieut Governor Abraham B. Gardner
of Vermont, died at Bennington last night,
aged 81 years.
A steamer has left Bordeaux in search of
the French steamer Chateau Lafitte which is
overdue from New York.
The Emperor William, besides suffering
from cold Is greatly enfeebled and obliged to
postpone his Interview with Bismarck Tues
day.
Cholera at Djedah is decreasing, but has APP
peared at Yewba, two miles further north.
No United States bonds were offered for sale
in New York yesterday, under Secretary Fol-
gers recent order. @1
The examination Of 9. Nugent, for compile
ity in the Newark bank fraud, has been post
poned. The bail of Theodore f. Baldwin has
been reduced to $25, 900.
The New York Michigan relief fund now
amounts to $138,744.
Schooner Alta, while loading at Bathurst N.
B., yesterday, for Boston, went ashore and is
likely to become total wreck.
The Norwegian bark Arnan from Halifax,
Oct. 10, for Queenstown, is ashore at Skull,
Ireland.
The Norwegian bark Excelsior, from Coo
saw, S. c., is ashore near Petershead. It Ia
expected she will be o total wreck
The Portland daily press., 1881-11-24
SOUTH AMERICA.
President Calderon of Peru Arrested by
rho Chilians.

President Calderon of Peru Arrested by
the Chilians.
WASHINGTON, Nov. 23.--Senor Gilmore, the
Peruvian minister here, has received cable
adyices from Peru informing him that Pres-
dent Calderon and Senior Galvez, minister of
foreign affairs, were arrested on or about
the 9Th inst, by the Chilians and taken TO
Santiago He is also informed in this dispatch
that Gen. Hurlbert would probably recognize
Vice President Monterope as the constitutional
successor of Calderon. Senior Elmore says
that Minister Hurlbert was instructed by the
State Department Nov. 1st to continue to re-
cognize Calderon, and that the arrest of
Calderon following SO soon after these instruc-
tions reached Peru leads him to think the
Chilians are determined to persist in their en-
deavors to break up the constitutional govern
menr of Peru notwithstanding the continual
recognition of Calderon by the United States
In reply to an inquiry as to the truth OF the
reported seizure of President Calderon by
Gillian forces the CHILEAN minister, Mr.. Mar
tinez, says if the late provisional president of
Peru is under patronage of the United States
government / know nothing of the fact. !
have no official information OF Calderon's
seizure but have private advices on good au-
thorty from which learn that Calderon was
seized by the Gillian commander for persisting
in exercising acts of jurisdiction which inter-
fered with tie occupying forces In spite OF an
order of the commander. Martinez also has
been informed from the same sources that
Calderon was at once conveyed to Santiago
and by others that he is now confined on board
of CHILEAN man-of-war in the harbor of Cal
fan
The Portland daily press., 1881-11-24
SAILING DAYS OF SIT EAmsalPs.
MARINE NEWS
PORT OF PORTLAND.

THURSDAY, Nov. "a.
Steamship Circassian (Br) Smith. Liverpool, 10th
inst via Halifax with passengers and mdse TO q
ship Reuce. new. of Richmond. Me, 1884 tons)
Adams K.nnebunkport. 10 dock for metal. Iowed
round by tug Knickerbocker Vessel to Chase
Sch Wild Hunter, (Br) Cole. Moncton NIB. with
railroad ties to Boston and Maine RR.
Sch Alme.ia. (Br) Mullen, Fredericton, NIB, with
railroad ties to Boston aud Maine kR.
Sch Jas Nichols, Childs, Boston.
Sch Duroc Harding, Boston.
Sch Tamerlane fitzpatrick, I,oston.
Sch Susan Frances smith, Boston.
Sch ii Eaton. Swain, Portsmouth,
Sch d Hart, Burgess. Bangor, with lumber to
W & r Milhken.
Sch Eibridge Gerry, Perry, Seal HarbOr, with
Sch Yankee Blade Coombs Bangor for Boston.
Sch Pierce, LORD. Bangor for Medford.
Sch M E Pearson Pendleton. Bangor for Boston.
Sch Luella. Pratt. Franklin for Boston.
Sch Z NJ Branscomb, Dodge Calais for Boston.
Sch Benjamin. Wheeler, Pembroke for Boston.
Steamer acadian, tBr) McGrath, Pictou. with
coal to n & Allan.
Steamship Franconia, Mangum, New York-mdse
Steamer Falmouth, Hall, Boston for Eastport
ana st John, NIB.
Baroue Dixon. Keen, Havana-I Emery.
Barque Cyprus, (Br) Parker. Charleston-kyan
Brig Gipsay Queen, Chandler. st Pierre-J H
Hamlen q Son.
Sch Duroc, Harding Freeport, to load for Lynn,
b Dodge.
fFRoM MERCHANTS EXCHANGED
Ar at New York 23d. barque Wolfe, Reid, Port
land