The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-09-09
WHY WE LAUGH.
No room was ever made large enough to
hold both n fat man and q MOSQUITO.

NO room was ever fndue IdISc chouSh w
hold both fat man and mosquito.
Philadelphia Herald: "The best and
most thoroughly certain way to make yonr
beef tender Is to stand in with the boy who
drives the butchers wagon" ga !
"The darkey's hour is just before the
dawn" remarked Sambo when he started out
before daybreak to steal young chicken for
breakfast. st.-New Orleans Times. liH
A traveller In Utah says that he counted
fourteen infantle heads in one door OF a
cabin on the JORDAN river. If this is true,
saws the Detroit Free Press, 1t was indeed
one-door-full sight.
King Kalakaua has been inspecting krupps
gun manufactory at Essen, and krupp was so
awfully disappointed when his Majesty said,
81 will take one brass four-ponnder," thai
he went off and solaced himself with his
pocket pistol.
Four years ago young man, without
cent on his back and only one suit OF clothes
to his name, entered Denver and begged his
supper. Last week he eloped with his EN-,
ployer's wife and $4,000 In cash. Close APP
plication To business, coupled with pluck aud
industry, wins every time. - Norrtsto,r'
| Herald. fgs r.l
The Philadelphia Times is moved to say
| Governor Foster, of Ohio, is a cute man, as
men Of his size 90. He is making cam.
| paign for reelection with beer glass In one
| hand and lot Of cloves in the other as the
| readiest means of making himself solid with
both the liquor and anti-liquor elements OF
the Republican party.
| Albuquerque, N. NJ, has greatly respect
| ed Justice Of the Peace. An illustration ol
| his methed of dealing justice is commended
/ to Justices I'm other far-west towEs. de said
to Mexican: You are charged with
stealing canned goods; what have you to
say?" The Mexican replied: "Quier
sabe" SWELL" said the Justice, g l'll thrust
the harpoon of justice into yez, and send yei
up for ninety days, till yez maybe can 'sabe.
| Mkt"
A boozy fellow sat on the iron railing just
north of the postofllce. on Friday afternoon
and, losing his balance, fell over backward
He struck the back of his head with suci
force on the stairway, about half way down
as to break one Of the iron steps in two. H'
rolled down into the basement, and picked
himself up with the remark to a number o
bystanders who had witnessed the somer
sault, 81 tell We, fellows, 'sno use talking,
come from good stock. South Bend Ind
Tribune.
Twas sultry and muggy day but tn
agent, wiping the perspiration from his low
but somewhat manly brow, and throwing hi
linen duster back, began: MADAME, Is you
husband about ?' "Yes, he's about, but
tend to all agents that show themselye
round here. What Is its" "Im introduc
ing a threshing machine in this neighbor
hood, and" "Not In this neighborhoo'
YOU amt, if know ii. Pm competent to d
all the threshing that's needed on this farm
You ask my boys, Bill and Sam, and If yo'
don't believe them, ask my man just over II
the lot there" and slight advance that sh
made in his direction suggested to him tina
he had better move on before she tried he
power on him.--Nep Hacen Register.
There is nothing ancient about Jimm
Tuffboy. He is up to time. He now issue
hourly bulletins of the state of his mothe
for the benefit of the boys of his neighboi
hood Going by this morning we notice
these pinned {" slautways" on his gate post
Tuffboy Mansion, July 23-9 a. m.-Boy:
she passed restless night, and is feyeris
this morning; pulse, about 102 beats mir
ute, powerful quick temper, 0 degrees abov
normal; perspiration, very profuse, sh
whaled me terribly.
L Summary Pa A-She's awful worss
lfDinner didn't set Neil. Temper, ia; pulse
couldn't count II. Says there shan't ''nast
neighbor's brat tear her cellar to pieces, nt
If she knows it." The circus is postponed.
Same day and track-12 p. m.-She is in
proving; called me i'm and gave me piec
! of rhubarb pie. 1t is safe to say she will n
cover in time for the circus In our celia
|, basement this ID, m,