The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-12-06
GARFIELD AND TOM CoRwIN.
WHY the Former Dreaded the
Reputation Of a Humor1st.

Private Dalzell in Cincinnati Commercial.
Iventursd to say, .GeneIal, l had no idea
YOU were such u humorist. You never in
dulge In anecdotes or fun in your speeches.
You must give u. SONS Of this fun tonight
at Sommerheld.n He rolled over on the grass
resting his elbow OH the ground, and his large
head in that great, strsng, right hand OF HIS
and looking squArely but kindly at me, SIM
ply shook his head, pulled his cigar again,
and quietly said 'No.' Then, more grayely,
he went on to say that when he was a very
young man he had INDUCED in SEINE displays
of humor ia his earliest speeches, until he
was cured OF that defect By a remarkable and
rather laushsbie eXpsrisnce. 1t was one OF
his first political speeches, before he had
thought of becoming 4 candidate fer any Of
fee. He spiced it wish anecdo.es and hui
morous illusions Of all sorts, and succeeded
in raising quite II laugh now and then. He
said, after The performance, be was glad TO
get out of town and back home, and that he
felt half ashamed of his success in that line.
The more he thought Of the folly to which lie
stopped in his address the more huaiiliated
he felt over 1t. But it was not to stop there.
A week OF 80 after he got home he received a
marked copy of the LEGAL shest published
where he had spoken, containing what was
intended rs a frst-ci2ss compliment TO his
abilities az a speaker, IL ran on in something
like this ashton:
MT Garfield, for q young man scarcely
out of his teens, is 3 remarkable wit, punsLsr
aud Aulnorist. He is almost equal to Major
Jack Downing or Doesticks. Durial his hui
morous remarks here the other evening he
kept the house in 4 continual rear Of laugh
er. He is =. full OF fun rs an egg is of meat
and would make AL excellent clown"
AS he related all this in his iuirnitable
sly lie, the ludicrous picture OF Garfield as a
clown in the circus ring rose before our fancy,
and we all laughed until the Tears were on
our Cheeks. l looked at Garfield. He had
but little more than smiled, aud was walt
ing until we got quiet enough for him to re-
sumo.
Thai said he, rather solemnly, "was the
end of my efforts to be funny. | never tried
it again. The compliment which the fellow
Intended l interpreted SIS a rebuke, aud in
stead of il + flaming my -anity and encouraging
Inc to 90 on trying to provoke merriment, it
made me resolve to hold that tendency in
check tor the future, and" he added with q
quiet smile, 81 have found it roeasy task. |
have often found it Difficult. to control my
tendency that way, for believe l could be
to erAbly amusing if l were fool enough to
try it,
General l said, "you know Old Tom
Corwin we'll. He was the prince of funny
fellows, and yet hs was quite a statesman-
Governor Of Ohio, United STATES Senator, and
all that sorI Of thing; and | am sure that his
tendency TO raise 4 laugh never hurt him =
Bit"
There" said General Garfield gently,
'my dear fellow, you are all wrong. 1t did
burt him all his life, and threw a cloud Ell
his reputation that never can be removed.
But for that WEAKNESS of Corwin's l believe
he might have been President. Certainly he
would have been without it, a much greater
and nore imposing fl cure iu our history
General Garfield said THAI Corrin con-
fes.ed as u.uch himself. lie said that often
in the Ssnase when he would rise to speak
she Senate would begin to grin, and expect
him to launch out into some foolishness to
raise a laugh. II, however, he wsuld re-
press his merrimeut and speak seriously and
deliberately on the question before the Sen
ate his fellow-members would hang down
+l,o;, Io,,l. and lnoL hNrnI a,1 4. ~ atf.p
ton to what he had to advance. They
wanted foolishncss Or nothing, and if they
couldn't get a laugh out of his spe aches they
did not seem to want to hear them at all.
Then" he would say, ''some solemn owl of
a Senator would rise, with the dignity of
majesty itIelf, and with a face As sober and
sedate as if it were cut out Of stone, slo WY
and solennly deliver q tiresome speech made
up of stale platitudes and eudlsss repetitions
while all the balance Of the Senate would
ix their eyes on the drowsy speaker, and half
asleep, like the speaker himself, they would
have faces as solemn A. grayestones, aud seem
to be drinking The very orscies Of wisdom.
When a vote was taken it would be seen That
the solemn old owl hal carried the Senate
with him by the sheer force of pretentious
wisdom and affected dignity, supplemented
by abundance Of self. conceis and congenitsl
dpllnsEs.
"Ah,' said Corwin, ..if it had not been
for my folly l might have been President.
Men whom you ridicule and Al who ex-
psnse you raise a laugh in public never for
get or forgive the indignity. Too dull to re-
tort wittily, they chafs over il to themselves,
and when the time comes they stab you in
the back in a way and in a place you never