The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-09-29
THOMPSON,S LAST JOKE.

THOMPSON,S LAST JOKE.
Thompson was happy man. bu
Mrs. Thompson was not-that is. not
happy sco-manAand her unhappines
was both source of satisfaction an,
| amusement to her husband.
They were well-to-do in this world
for, as Thompson WAS q very success
full speculator in grain at the Corn Ex
change, Mrs. Thompson was seldom
without change, and with their two
selves only in the family, they managed
to eat, live. and dress we'll.
! Thompson loved a joke. and if 8
practical one, SO much the better but
his wife never saw one, and was too
practical to enjoy the witticism that
veiled either vulgarism or satire.
And, of course, her facetious spouse
took exceptional care to make her the
victim of his one failing whenever the
spirit prompted.
In consequence of which little Mrs.
Thompson was in q constant state OF
uncertainty whether to laugh or cry.
For instance, on the last morning oil
the old year, as her husband was leav-
ing the pretty villa at Ciapham. to &c
down to business, he turned at the door
TO say. solemnly-
Goodbye, Puss We've eaten our
last meal together this year p
She started up in alarm and rushed
after him to the door, from which he
was slowly emerging, with broad
grin on his face.
"But, Tody," she gasped, shivering
on the threshold, as the keen air struck
her.
Theodore, madam r. sternly re-
torted Thompson. looking at her with
a fixed eye. 'tor Dore, if you ike-but
not Tody. Ughr'
Theodore, then." pleadingly cried
the poor little woman, "wha-wha-a at
do you mean? Are you angry? Did
Il do anything wrong?"
II leave you, madam, to find out. I
shall not see you again this year."
And, with a wave of his hand, Thomp-
son, walked of, the grin reappearing
as his. wife's Mortified countcnance
came into his mind. ..Shc'll find out
that it's the last day of the year," lie
soliloquized, as he mounted the omni-
bus that every morning carried him to
Gracechurch-street; land remember
that Pm going TO supper with Jones
tonight, and of course will not see her
until the New Year is in.''
/, But Mrs. Thompson did not see the
point of the joke until Theodore ex-
planned it, ut two o clock next morning,
and passed miserable day according
ly. brOOding over his parting words
and their hidden meaning.
Amid q shower of tears and a nanno-
made of sobs, Thompson vowed he
would never-no, never-a9ain make
her the subject of a joke, which he was
only too glad to promise as the price of
peace for the last bottle of champagne
had just touched the spot wliic!, variab-
ly ached with double horsepower, and
he fell off asleep with splitting head
ache. murmuring mysteriously
''Mumm's the word.'
Which the subdued and penitent wife
to be q request that she
would not again refer to this incident,
to which she eloquenuy replied, as she
sank into slumber
"Pll forget it all, Tody-Dore-
Theodore !'
Thus the fact is evident that the care
less, fun-loving Thompson found life
more desirable than his earnest, loving
little wife. to whom the days were long
and empty until he should return. and
the nights weird and ghost-haunted
until his laech-key startled the lonely
spectres back to tlieirlurking-places.
But Theodore never thought of this.
He was the ringleader of a few Mark
Lane ,habitues. and did more bonneting,
and other sportive jesls
than the whole band of convivil spirits
: and, besides; sang the best
songs told the best stories, and played
the sharpest tricks. And SO imbued
had he become with this spirit that his
better, soberer nature was becoming
completely eclipsed. when at last
pull-back arrested him in his mad
career" and the tables were turned on
Theodore Thompson, Esquire.
Mrs. Thompson, like the generality
of the feminine readers of newspapers,
found her greatest enjoyment Of the
daily paper in the list of deaths and
lost and found and the
agony column.
For this latter she had rare fascina-
ton. and many times and oft would
break in upon .Theo,lore's study of
the grain quotations in the ''Mark Lane
Express" with wondering demands
for an explanation of this strange or
that singular request from so-and-so,
and thus and SO. in the second column
Of tile Times" sill
One fatal day. following upon series
of suppers and excursions to which
Theodore had lent the lustre of his wit,
leaving her to her lonely evenings and
days. without the aid of q
female friend to beguile the time with
aesthetic art discussions, she fell upon
q remarkable advertisement, and Ne.
mesis followed fast upon Thompson's
heels.
'Tody, isn't, this strange? just lis
ten," said Mrs. T.. with big open eyes,
staring at her paper uneasily.
Tody had heard the like before, and
was besides very intent on calculating
the margin the sudden rise would allow
him in his next offers, and therefore
simply grunted out. eyes. very" And
went on comparing the closing prices
of last year with the present one.
Mrs. Thompson had grown very
agitated, and was peering intently at
her husband from behind her paper.
s.You must listen, Theodore" she
said, decidedly, with shake of the
'Ali right, I'm listening. Wheat,
1891. fall of three-eights since yester-
day," murmured Thompson, abstract
edlv, figuring away.
Theodore Thompson, what does
this mean?'' demanded the small wo
man. with hysterical majesty. looking
very stern. but ttrembling very wOmanly.
This was the advertisement, which
she proceeded to read aloud with the
sonorous importance of an angry swal-
lows S'ez - ~ ~ Ssis
Theodore looked at her grimly. He
saw fun at once. The wheat market
faded into oblivion, and the spirit of
filled his mind with other quo
tations.
ia.Read it slowly, DEAR" he said,
t'" a--t
The small woman quivered.
Theodore. you love anotherp" she
gurgled, and wildly waved the paper.
.AnotherP" cried Thompson. with
melO- drama in tone and attitude. IA
dozen of them. dote on anothers. But
whol-wbo has betrayed meP"
He seized the paper from his agita-