The Red Cloud chief., 1881-10-06
MR.. BRADLEY AS AN UMPIRE.

The other day / went into Mr.. Brad
ley's store. II rccollcct Alright, it vas
a day or so after the Fourth of July.
Mr.. Bradley is engaged in a large
wholesale business. and. generally scores
of clerk are to be seen behind the
counter of his extensive store.
But on the occasion Of which l speak
no clerks were visible. For hustle and
business the store WIS like a sar-
cophagus.
Only Mr.. Bradley was present.
And Mr.. Bradley. l must say. pre-
scnted a very disreputable appearance
for a man of his mercantile standing.
One eye was covered completely by a
green shade. while the other exhibited
evident marks of Commissions; in fact. a
beautiful circle of black and blue en-
circled the optic.
His arm was in a sling. his NOSE was
bloodied, and a pair of crutches were
leaning against a dry goods box neal
by.
To sum up. he had the appearance OF
aprize-fighter just returned from a hard.
fought contest in the ring.
Hello, Bradley saluted 1; "what
ais you? Have you been the victim OF
a railroad ACCIDENT"
mo-" growled Bradley.
MET with a boiler explosion"
mo"
mo"
Then why this general broken
upednessP And say, Bradley"
"Well?"
where are all your numerous staff
of intelligent and aiable employees:
Gone to a picnic?"
Mr.. Bradley growled some unintelli-
gible, or nearly SO, reply. The sub
stance was, rs near as | could interpret
it, that all of his employees, he hoped,
had gone to Hades.
must confess / was surprised at his
words; for. generally, Mr.. Bradley is the
kindest of masters, and universally re-
spected by those who receive his wages.
"What is the matter, Bradley" !
asked.
He proceeded to bathe one swollen
cheek with arnica from a bottle which
was handy, and blurted out:
do you like base-ball?"
l said / did; | considered it a very
nice and healthy game. Until l had
broken my nose, and a rib or so, | was
passionately fond of baseball. 1 am
fond Of it yet-at a distance. The far.
Their the distance, the greater my fond.
ness.
Don't you like it?' l asked.
Mr.. Bradley remarked a remark which
is not polite for me to repeat. l was
really shocked nj Mr.. Bradley.
BLANK base BALI" said he, with dc.
cided emphasis.
Or course | was curious.
why blank base -ball?" l queried.
81 will tell you," was his answer.
"But you must excuse me if | lisp, fol
four of my front teeth are knocked out,
and my upper gum is cracked. These
accidents aie not apt to give my voice
a silvery or bell-like sound"
"Naturally not; but proceed"
"You know Iemploy nineteen clerks
Or, rather, l did employ them-all
stalwart young fellows"
Yes"
And you know Fourth of July was
"Yes. 1 believe there was a general
rumor to that effect"
"Well. my nineteen lunatics-clerks,
l should say-resolved to form them.
selves into two mines and play a game
of baseball"
But two mines only make eighteen.
What did the odd clerk do?"
HE is Scorer-Or dUaS scorer. He's
a promising corpse now, l believe. A
man with half a bat stuck into his head
is not apt to live very long. But
won't digress.
The day before the butchery-game
they called it-came off, a deputation
of three called upon me. They wanted
me to be umpire. Foolishly, l said !
would. IL 1 had been wise. l would
have had them arrested. Being a bald.
headed old idiot, l consented.
Next day arrived upon the ground.
The two mines were there. One was
called the Comets the other the
Shooting Stars
The game began.
1.-The Comets won the toss, and Man.
ly, my cashier, went to bat. He hit a
liner which was stopped by left field.
and ran quickly to first base. The ball
seemed to me to get there quicker than
Manly, and l said, 'Out!'
"Manly came back mad.
"'Was that out?' said he.
"'Yes.' 1 replied.
".No, it wasn't
81 say it was
".In your eye.' replied Manly.
You're a nice old umpire, you are!"
MANLY said /, L don't want any
of your insolence. I'll discharge YOU
discharge and be hanged!" he
said. There's an old goat in yonder
field who would make a better umpire
than YOU
THAT settled it.
81 told Manly not to come to work
next day. and told the Comets to put a
second striker up.
They did.
THE fellow knocked a fy to first
base. First base mufied it and fooled
with it, and wasn't sure whether or not
he did have it in his hand when the
striker reached the base.
"'How is it? he called out.
"'No out-striker SAFE I replied.
First base was my book-keeper,
Hardy, generally the pink of ~politeness.
but my decision Gid not appear to please
him.
"'You ought to get a pair of new
eyes he said; that was out, plain as
day.
$50 it was cried the pitcher. who
has been with me for ten years. ANY
body but an old dotard could see it was
out plain; wasn't it, boys?'
1.-The boys-the boys Of his side
all said yes of course, and suggested
putting up a wooden mar as IN umpirc;
and my youngest errani boy. who was
soaking out in the center field, said ]
ought TO buy q piece of smoked glass to
see through. l discharged him right
away. ~
Then Merrill (he's redAeadas
gets mnd easYl. went fc The IIcQ, and