The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-03-23
VARIETIES.

people; the dead in sin are none OF
his.
Old lady ito modest curatel: "Lor
sir, do not like to hear you preach
extrumpery! Your language is that
wonderful fluid !"
Bad habits are the thistles Of the
heart and every indulgence of them
is seed from which will come forth
a new crop of weeds.
Order in a house ought to be like
the machines in an opera, whose eff.
feet produces great pleasure, but
WI ose ends must be hid.
No man can be brave who consld-
ers pain to be the greatest evil of
life nor temperate, who considers
pleasure to be the highest good.
The passions ofm of society
differ as much from the passions of
the natural man as the fruits of the
grated tree from those of wild
one.
Precept and example, like the
blades of pair of scissors, are ad-
mirably adapted to their end when
conjoined; separated, they loose the
greater portion OF their utility.
as your wife a Democrat or Re-
publican asked one Rockland citi-
zen OF another in store this morn
ing. "She's NEITHER" was the prompt
response, and then glancing eau
tiously around and sinking his voice
to hoarse whisper he explained,
"She's a Home Ruler"
A South End maiden asks
"When young man comes twice a
week with a carriage, and takes a
young lady to the theatre and
supper atterward, and makes her
magnificent presents, what does it
indicate ?" 1t indicates, ma am, that
he has got more money to fool away
than we have.--Boston Post.
The other evening a Galveston
young man observed his economical
landlady buttering slice OF bread.
Finally he said, II wish, Mrs. Bonn
bazine, that you had raised me when
l was a wayward boy" "Why SO r
she asked, as she spread very small
lump of butter over vast area OF
bread. ts.Racanse- you. would have
laid 1t on so very light"
pray, my good man." said Judge
to an Irishman, who was witness on
trial, "what did pass between you
and the prisoner ?" "Och, then,
phase your lordship," answered Pat,
''sure | sees Phelim atop O the wall
Paddy" says, he. what? ?" says
l. Here" .says he. "Where ?"
says l. whist" says he, "Hush!"
says |; and that's all phase your
worshipw 7.t
1t was on the Burlington railroad
train, and politics had given way to
theology, and the young man with a
turban hat had the floor, and was de-
nouncing the old-iashioned idea of
hell. 81 tell you," he cried; "man
was never intended tor such iend-
ish punishment. God never made me
for kindling wood" "Reckon not"
SAID the old parson, back near the
stove; "too green"
At negro prayer meeting one Of
the brethren earnestly prayed that
they might be preserved from what
he called their sfupscttin' SINS
"Brudder," said one OF the elders,
eyer hain't 'zackly got lie hang oh
dat ar word. It's besettin-not up.
settin'." "Brudder." replied the corr
rected, "ef dat's so, it's so; but |
was prayin de Lawd ter sabe us
frum de sin OBJ 'toxlcation, an ct dat
amt upsettin' sin, l dunno"
An absent minded professor in GO
ing out OF the gateway of his college
ran against a COW. In the confusion
of the moment he raised his hat and
exclaimed, II beg your pardon,
madam" Soon after he stumbled
against lady in the street. In
sudden recollection OF his former
mishap he called out, with look Of
rage IN his countenance, "Is that you
again, you brute"
An Unlocking fellow was asked
how could he account for Natures
forming him SO ugly. Mature was
not to blame" said he, "ior when |
was two .Aonths old, / was cOHsid-
ar the handsomest chill in the
neighborhood, but my nurse, to re-
venge herself upon my parents for
some fancied injury at their hands,
one day "swaped me away" for an
other boy belonging to friend OF
hnrs whose child was rather nlain