The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-12-15
WIT AND HUMOR.

Boston is trying to replace its bad wa
ter with we'll water.
Money isn't exactly tight, but it is per-
haps little exhilerated.
"In Nantucket there are 16 women to
one man." Unhappy mani
1t is said that soc, 900 tons is the annual
production of coffee.
A man must be going slow when he
allows old age to overtake him.
The noses Of some meerschaum smok-
ers color great deal sooner than their
pipes.
If a short man marries at all, how then
hitting bigamy?
Warned by the fate of his father, the
next review the new czar witnesses, he
will do it peeping through the keyhole of
an iron safe.
"Wby don't You dress as we'll as your
clerks?" was asked the other day of avail
street man. 81 can't" was the answer;
''they can get trusted"
Bob Ingersoll will not attend the tenth
anniversary of the Chicoga fire. As he
advances in years Robert becomes more
nervous at the mention OF flames.
Since it has been said that Carlyle
could not spell better than store clerk,
several young clerks have begun to write
. history of the French revolution.
A blind girl in North Carolina is about
to lead q young man to the altar. Enter
ing matrimony blindly has got to be no
uncommon thing in any of the States.
When ladies meet they always greet
with kisses heard across the street but
men, more mild, don't get quite so wild;
they meet, then part, when both have
''smiled."
A Californian went on $4,000 spree to
see if it was any different from seventy
five cent one. Much to his disgust he
found it Just the same, gutter, mud, ar
rest and all.
An Albany paper tells of woman in
that city who woke her husband during
storm the other night and said: II do
wish you would stop snoring, for I want
to hear it thunder"
ga good husband makes good wife,"
says philosopher, but he stops there
and don't say what he makes her do.
Probably build the fire in the morning
and sit up late for him at night.
A little girl had been scolded by her
grandmother. She picked up her kitten,
and caressing it, said: II wish one of
us three was dead; and it amt you, kitty,
and it amt me-"
sob, dear" exclaimed Edith to her
doll, II do wish you would sit still.
never saw such an uneasy thing in all my
life. Why don't you act like grown
folks, and be still and stupid for
while?"
The Chinese government is going to
build some railroads, and soon will be
in the land the voice of the Celestial
brakeman, "Hooppe! Yang-tzekian
junction! Tlainlee stoppee ten minutes
eatee and dlinkee."
"Why, Frankly" exclaimed a mother
at summer boarding house. II never
knew you to ask for second piece of pie
at home" 'I knew't want no use" said
Frankly, as he proceeded with his pie
eating.
1t is easier for camel to pass through
the eve of q needle than it is for q young
woman in fur lined silk cloak to walk
around without it's flying open just q lit
tie to show that the fur is more than
mere border.
She was decorating her whole room
with pictures, and she perched his pho
tograph on the top-most nail; then she sat
down to admire her work, and remarked
quietly, "Now everything is lovely, and
the goose hangs high"
The publications of weather predic-
tons is of great benefit to the community.
It enables the mean man to appear gen.
erous by promising to take his wife on
pleasure trip the day he is certain that
heavy rain will postpone the trip.
No false pride.-First news boy: "Ow
are you getting on. Billy? Nigh sold
out YETI" Second N. B.: "What bust
ness is that O. yourn?" First N. B.:
"Oh, amt above takin' interest in the
sneakinest and dirtiest O. critters"
A Chicago girl writes homo from Dub
lin: 1.-THE moment I set foot on Irish
soil l could observe that attracted
attention"
From what is said Of Chicago feet, it
is to be presumed they would attract
attention If set upon any soil.
Yellow lace is by no means Q modern
novelty. In the sixteenth century the
fair venetians appreciated this becoming
tint and had their laces died yellow, and
Irish linen, which as long ago as that
daka waa HIGHLY nrized was a1vava NJ