St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-11-18
VOLUME 45---NUMBER 1912.

eral features are at all alike, my fea-
lures must remind you of an earth
quake. Hi ! kitchee kitcheel What
makes her fold up her legs like that ~
"She can't help it," reasoned Mrs.
Spoopendyke. They'll straighten out
in time
Mr.. SpoOpendyke, and he took his
daughters feet and commenced pull
ing her legs. 81 don't want any handy
legged first in this family while Pm at
the head of it."
Naturally the baby began to cry
and Mr.. Spoopendyke essayed to
sOothe it.
"Hi! kitchee! kitchee kitchee-ee
he chirruped. Great Scot what a
cavern ! Any idea how much this
mouth weighs Hi ! kitchee kitch-e-e
You'll have to get this mouth rooted in
before cold weather. What's the mat
ter with her anyway ?"
"Perhaps you hurt her. Let me take
her, please" pleaded helpless Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
"She's doing well enough. Hi you
hold up Haven't you anything to
catch this mouth in It's spilling all
over the neighborhood. Hi Topsy,
Genevieve, Cleopatra, dry up Pm GO
ing to have trouble breaking this young
ones temper, | can see that. Here,
bend the other way once ~ and Mr..
Spoopendyke tried to straighten up
his offspring without avail.
''Let her come to me, do, please"
moaned Mrs. Spoopendyke, and Mr..
SpoOpendyke was forced to hand her
over.
'Well, that's quite "A baby" said he
nursing his knee and eyeing the infant.
"What's those bumps over its eyes for ?
What prepOnderance of intelligence do
they representa-
"You mustn't talk so," demonstrated
Mrs. SpOOpendyke. "She's the hand
soonest child you ever saw"
"Well, she's got to stop biting her
nails before she goes any further with
this procession. Here, take your hands
out of your mouth, can't you Why
don't you put your hands down ?"
"Why, all babies do that" explained
Mrs. SpoOpendyke. "YOu cannot stop
that"
81 am going to try" said Mr.. SpoO-
pendyke, 'and | don't want to be
interfered with in bringing this child
up. Here, you Maud S., Bonesetter,
put your hands in your pockets Don't
let me see any more nail chewing or
you and III get mixed up in an argu-
ment. She gets that from your family,
Mrs. SpOopendyke."
"Say, dear, don't you want to go and
order some things ?" asked Mrs. SpOo-
pendyke.
ha, hnS inf
to see this youngster. Where's her
uppor jaw set on their shoulders
clear to the bridge of her nose. don't
believe she's quite right. Where's her
forehead Great Moses Her head is
all on the back part! Say, that baby's
got to be pressed. That's no shape"
"Get away" exclaimed Mrs. Spoo
pendyke, Indignantly. "She's a per-
feet angel. There's nothing in the
world the matter with her."
''Of course you KNOW" growled Mr..
SpOopendyke. "YOu don't want any
thing more that fog horn and a
misspent appropriation to be an or
phan asylum. If had your faith and
the collie, I'd make living as a found
ling's home She'll be old enough to
spank in a week, won't she ?"
"No, she WON'T" said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. "She1l never be old enough for
that"
''Pll bet she WILL" grunted Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke "if she isn't she'll get it
before she natures up to that period.
That's all. Let me take her. Here,
let's have her"
But Mrs. Spoopendyke fatty refused.
"Keep your blasted baby, then "
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke, and started
off to find his friend Specklewottle,
who congratulated him, and started
with him to assist him in the selection
of an overcoat and pair of ear mutfs
against the approaching winter. -
Brooklyn Eagle.