The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-08-20

There was q small boy. named Apollo,
Who used 70 get spunk yand shollo!
When his pa with q strap
Would corral the young chap
.nE. anklA1ala ty0llid foil 0K.

Would corral the young cudps
And q sort of chorus would follow.
A live paper cannot be run on "dead
issues
Somebody calls ice-cream ''feast OF
free-zin."
Better to have soft corns than hard
creditors.
man lamentsP
Nothing vulgar about the miller,
when he bolts his meal.
Eve was the first of her race to feel
shocked at the bare idea
When an arm of the sea encircles
neck of land, look out for fishing
smacks. - Yonkers Statesman. Give
us schooner.
Why does a cat swallow mouse
head FOREMOST is one of the mellifiuent
questions of the hour. In order to
save his tail for toothpick.
Alderman OFlannelmouth - .Be
keerful, Mrs. O'Toole, an don't lit
any won see me, fur it 8 all the promi-
nent people what's getting shot at"
And now somebody has been coun-
terfeiting Egyptian money. Somebody
must be rich to afford to use good ma
terial to make into Egyptian money
Boston Post
mamie said he, and his voice was
sineularly low, xviii you be my wife?
Viii you cling to me as the tender vine
clings to the Eyes, I'll catch on,
said she.
The Atlanta Consultation thinks the
81, 900 at Albany, which is now without
an owner, should be invested in liver
pads for the benefit of the discoveries
of the comet.
Little Lottie to her friend-'1 have
so many cares. Yesterday little baby
sister arrived and papa is on journey.
1t was but piece of luck that mamma
was at home to take care of it. !"
Doctors disagree. Some say whisky
hardens the brain, others say it softens
it. Meanwhile, people without brains
will keep right on drinking it, as it
does not make an atom of difference to
them, not an atom.
A boy of II years, dining at his I'M
cle's, made such good dinner that his
aunt observed: Johnny. you appear
to eat wellP'' Eyes," replied the ur-
chin, eve been practicing eating all
my life"
And now the poor heated editor
snatches up his shears with delight as
his eyes light on q promising squ1b,
and throws them down with quota
ton from the Old Testament, as he
reads further and finds that it is some
thing about stake Jenkins Jaundice
Jerker."
Peanut stand. Small boy-s'Is them
all yer give fer cent? Why, l yuster
git twice that many Vender-''Yes,
but all the fruit crops is failed this
| year, and peanuts and peaches is un-
common slow in comm in" Small
boy-*'Then give me cents worth OF
| ice cream-them isn't failed. is it?'
A Chicago paper wants to have Gui-
| teau talked to death by George Francis
Train. 1t might do. But we once read
| of sailor who was put into % cage
with an anaconda by a cruel African
king that the anaconda might swallow
| him, and we believe the sailor swal-
| lowed the anaconda. Herald.
| Can Guiteau swallow the boa?
A poem that won prize of $40, Of
fered by one of our exchanges, makes
'.reveries'' rhyme with whatever is. -
A poet couldn't be expected to do bet
| ter for the paltTy sum of $40. If the
| prize had been $40, no doubt he would
have succeeded in rhyming ''ensilage"
with ssperitonitis." There is nothin g
like money to develop a poets latent
| inspiration and so forth.
Your mind is in a twilight state, u
observed man. lyon cannot differ
entiate the grains of mistrust from the
molecules of O reasonable confidence.
You are travelling the border land, the
| frontier between the paradise OF faith
and the arctic regions of incredulity.
You are agnostic.' ''Divil a bit" said
Pat, with mingled amazement and in
dignation, 'I'm Dimmycrat, every
| inch o. me!''