Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-08-17
SPICE AND ALLSPICE,


nell that Northrup had withheld $500 due him
from probate case.
SPICE AND ALLsPIcE.
MEN are like pins. One with little
head may be just as sharp as one with
big head.
No woman should borrow the hus-
band of another; because it is not good
for man to be loan.-Ne1U Orleans
Pic0ya1ue.
A VERY small boy can get outside of a,
very large watermelon in very small
space of time; but it takes very large
doctor to harmonize the etwo.-Rochester
Democrat.
A MAN in Accomac County, Va, is the
father of nineteen children" eight
pairs and three aces" as the local paper
expresses it.
YOUNG men should be careful about
dropping remarks. They may be
picked up by bigger mau.-Neeo Or
leans Picayune.
The young woman who used to sing
so divinely, "Oh, had I the wings of
dove," is satisfied with a chickens leg
now. She is married.
The editor who saw lady making for
the only empty seat in car, found him
self crowded out to make room for
more interesting matter
GONE thousand stocking makers of
Chemnitz, Saxony, are coming to this
country" If this is not yarn, there
must be something on foot.
sis there much water. in the cistern,
Biddy?" inquired a gentleman of his
Irish servant. cit is full at the bottom,
sir, but there's more at the top"
"I HOPE this is not counterfeit % said
a lover, as he toyed with his sweetheart's
hand. "The best way to find out is to
ring it p was the quick reply.
FEATHER beds are not healthy, at least
in summer time. Even a goose covered
with feathers will stand all night on one
leg rather than SLEEP on bed Of feathers.
-NeW Orleans Pic0yuae.
WHEN an illiterate farmer was asked
by the prosecuting attorney if he was
husbandman, he replied: "No, but I'm
to be married next month, and then I
shall be-"
"WHAr's the matter with little Jimmy
this morning?" "Sure, mum, the
bye's sick; he t11mbled off O. wan O. thin
wheels widout carriage on it.-NeaU
York Commercial advertiser.
A STUDENT at Oxford University on
being asked: "Who was Esau?'' re-
Piled: "Esau was a man who wrote
fables, and sold his copyright for mess
of potash"
AN old man-of-war sailor, who had
lost leg in the service of his country,
became retailer of peanuts. He said
he was obliged to be a retailer because,
having lost leg, he could not be a
whole sailor. Journal.
B1RKY-"I got off good thing the
other day, did you hear about it?" jim
merson-" "No, what was it ?" Birky-
"Wen, to tell you the truth, it was my
red flannel undershirt. " - Louisville
COWr5er-.]Ou2n0l.
FIRST swell: "Does itseriously make
no difference to you whether or not there
are thirteen at table?" Second swell:
"Why, yes, all the difference in the
world, especially if there is only enough
on the table for twelve.-Puck.
AN exchange says: "a man lives in
this vicinity who states that he first met
his wife in a storm, took her to the first
ball in storm, and has lived in storm
ever since" That couple must have
been Mr.. and Mrs. Cy Clone.
A PERSON overheard two countrymen,
who were observing naturalist in the
field collecting insects, say one to an
other: " What's that fellow doing, John?"
"Why, he's a naturalist. "What's
that?" "Why, one who catches gnats,
to be sure"
A STRANGE thing happened yesterday.
A Norristown man, about starting for
the seaside. sent his trunk ahead with
servants, and when he reached the depot
he found that all his white shirts and
other clothing were "checked. " Nor
ristoav,a Herald.
How IT came about: She" And SO,
Mr.. Jefferson, you 60 back to your own
country next week. And pray, now,
what would you like to take with you %
upon which he plucked up courage and
told her right off. and now she's Mrs.
Jefferson and has gone with him. )-Judv.
SLIP of the tongue: A worthy deacon
in town not far away gave notice at a
proyer-meeting the other night of
church meeting that was to be held i'm
mediately after, and unconsciously add
ed: ssThere is no objection to the female
brethren remaining !'-Soringfeld Re-
publicun.
"D1D your son contract any bad habits
while he was in college, Mrs. Mulvany?"
"Sorra the wan of him, sorr; he con-
tracted all the good vans he had whin he
wint there, and small enough they ware,
sorr, widout any contraction. It's losln'
he'll be on the contract I'm thinkin'. -
Burlington Ha,pkeye.
eyes, SIR" said the old colored
man, ode first year, when gave $50 to
de church, dey call me Mistah Richard
johnson, Esquah; de secon' yeah times
we're bad an I couldn't give no more
than S25, an dey call me Brudder
johnson; de next yeah I couldn't give
muffin, dey call me ole niggah johnson" :"
BEAUTIES OF COMMUNICATION: "There
is feller up here who gives ticket for
twenty-one meals for three dollars, re-
marked disciple of the art preservative
of arts last week. "But how does he
make his money on that?'' was asked.
"Easy enough. His customers usually
die after the third meal. ."-Denver
7Tibatlle.
A YOUNG man has just been married.
On the evening of the happy day he OBJ
serves his bride carefully storing her
bouquet Of orange-blossons within a
globe of glass prepared for the purpose.
Much surprised, he inquiries the reason.
She. with charming smile, replies,
"But, my dear, 1 may be able to keep it
for the next time. ."-Frone the FTenhc.
EDO you Think" he asked, raising
his eyes toward the heavens; "do you
think that yonder gorgeous pageant Of
starry worlds is the result OF mere accl'
dent, "a blind aggregation of molecules
uncreated and eternal p no. re-
turned his companion, &C. thought from
the cordial manner in which you graspc6
my hand that you were going to ask me
to drink, and I'm awfully thirsty"