The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-05-15
HUM0R.

lhlrty uays alUT Y Alicnlgan man got
divorce from his wife to marry one
with handsomer face the woman fell
heir to $2S7, 900. You bet that ex-
husband feels like man with the
jumping toothache.
Culture and slang: Acquires the
confection" is the Boston girls trans
lation of Takes the cake" Similarly,
"The proper caper" becomes THE
correct contortion."
Consolation misapplied: "You must
feel lonely, since your husband went
away consolingly observed neighbor
to her lady friend. "Not at ALL" she
replied: it is the first holiday have
had since was schoolgirl"
81 declare, John, never saw such a
man! You are always getting some
new wrinkle" And the brute calmly.
replied: matilda, you are not, thank
fortune. If you had new wrinkle,
would have noplace toput it, dear"
The decorative art mania. Miss Non
aufait; "What charming love of a cup
marked Tom and JerTyr" Gentleman
ly vendor of majolica: Eyes, we sell a
large number of them Miss N; But
haven't you some marked Clifford and
Alyoid, or Berthe and GeorgieP'
A Chicago young man broke into the
room of the girl he loved, to carry her
away, as she refused to marry him.
She was absent, bat left the bull dog
asleep on the bed. The room was dark.
The dog didn't bark hut worked. In
about seven minutes the remains of the
young man came out and said he
wouldn't marry that girl for $40, 600
90, smile as thou vert wont to SMILE
sang the idol of little Toddlekin's soul
one evening as he sat on the lounge in
the parlor. He had recently at her
earnest request sworn off the use of in
toxicating fluids. AS she repeated the
refrain he looked up calmly with a
strange, far-otf look in his thirsty eye
and reached for his hat. lyon don't
know, Maria; you don't know" said
little Toddlckin, "what weight that
song has lifted from my heart" He
smiled again that evening as he was
wont, but she never again sang so
touching a ballad.
AT n royal wedding in Germany it is
customary for the mistress of ceremonies
to cut up one ~ the BRIDES carriers into
small piecGi bshifh are distributed to
those who b~s ios ,sSien part in the fes-
are enttle,taaptAolH fragments of the
Order otdihc GaUdt tst is not quite clear
how one garter oHpven n pair OF CART
ers, could supp the demand. AT
Prince Williams recent marriage the
difficulty was met by using many yards
of ribbon instead of the BRIDES garter.
"Ma," said an urchin with dirt-cov-
cred knucklcs and y pocket full of
marbles, sis it wicked 10 play marbles
for keepsp'ii' "Yes, my son, and you
must nevegidaiL" as it wicked when
you lose ali the timePn Eyes. just the
same" "tytt Wicked if you win all
tue time antfplay with boy who says
his mother says if she had your feet
she'd never 90 out except after dark"
T--I--go and wash your hands and
get ready for superb was the sharp
reply, and the lad continued to play for
keeps.
A would-be mother-in-law meets q
friend, lately in the same prcdicament,
who cries OUT "Oh, my dear, | have
such piece of news for you My
daughter was married yesterdayr'
"How nice! But how did you manage
itp Was your son-in-law Indifferent to
your lack of money, or did you make
him believe you were rich?" "Oh, no
with gleeful chuckle); | got our
family doctor to tell him couldn't live
six months"
dearest Harold, love you with all
the deep devotion of my sex. Your
image is intellectually engraved on the
tablets of my memory, and in my heart
| the love bear for you can never never
die. But am extravagant, wildly am
bilious TO shine in society, to sit beside
the jeweled queens of fashion, to dazzle
all eyes with priceless gems, and so,
dear, dear Harold, l must marry the