The Portland daily press., 1881-04-06
A Little Discussion About the Congress
sional Dead Lock
brooklyn Eagle. I

brooklyn Eaglel
''My DEAR" said Mrs. Spoopendy yke, holding
piece of lace to her overskirt and wondering
whether she had better plait it on or full it in
''my dear, who is this Congressman Lock who
has just died?''
"What Congressman Lock?" asked Mr..
Spoopendyke.
"Why, read in the paper this morning that
they couldn't do any business because of the
dead Mr.. Lock. Did you know him?"
THAT amt Congressman said Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. 'You read that there was dead
lock in the Senate. Wasn't that it?''
''Yes, aAd read it all through and when L
found that Mr. Conkling felt so bad about it, 1
thought Mr.. Lock must be a.Congressman."
"No, he isn't either. The deadlock means
that the Democrats and Republicans can't
agree ~
GOOD gracious! Have they had another
falling out? I shouldn't think the Republ-
cans would fight the poor Democrats any
more. What have they been doing now?''
"They haven't been doing anything. Sena-
tor Malone, of Virginia, went over to the Re-
publicans and iat H
"and Mr.. Conkling woat have him confirmed.
Though can't understand why they should
interfere with Mr.. Mahone's religion If the
poor man wants to join the church -
"Who wants to join the church? Who's a
church? Think Mr.. Conkling's bishop? Got
an idea he's dod gasted chapel with ivy all
over him, spike fence and chime of bells?
It's Stanley Matthews he don't want confirm
ed"
Il read about him, too" rejoined Mrs,
Spoopendyke. "He's Mr.. Garfeld's collector,
isn't he?"
''No, he amt. That's Judge r Robertson. Mr..
Garfield wants Judge Robertson for collector,
and Mr.. Conkling is opposed to him."
81 don't see why he should be. Though of
course 1 should suppose Mr. Garfield would
rather have man like Mr.. Malone, who is
going into the church."
"Wheres your sense" snorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "What dye want to mix things up.
for? Trying to make grab bag of prominent
Americans? Stanley Matthews is candidate
for Judge. Mr.. Malone is Senator and Rob-
ertson is appointed collector, but like Mat
thews, hasn't been confirmed. Can you see
through that?'
"Of course l understand that, but l don't
see any excuse for fighting the Democrats, un-
less they think that Mr.. Robertson would collect
money from Mr.. Malone and Mr.. Matthews
would send him to jail. In that case it"
'In that case it would take you to straighten
'em outl" squealed Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"What're you trying to get up now, an idiot
asylum? Are you planning for murder and
trying to get up an insanity plea? What dye
think Robertson's going - collect. hens? Got
an idea that Matthews is penitentiary, sit
ting around to be leased out? Imagine Ma
hone to be the National debt? Well, they amt,
they're men, tell ye. Men with legs" and
Mr.. Spoopsndyke kicked out both his own foot
handles by way of illustration. "Conkling is
opposed to Matthews and Robertson. He says
they shan't be confirmed, but he'sa friend of
Malone"
"Thats what I didn't see,'' said Mrs. Spoop.
endyke. "I'm glad Mr. Malone will be con-
firmed, though don't care for Mr.. Matthews
and Mr.. Robertson. 1t will teach them to re-
pent their sins and not fly into the face of
Providence: I'm glad Mr.. Conking is good
Episcopalian."
''Ohi he's prayer-book!' howled Mr.. Spoo, ,
endyke. you've found him out! You've got
him! All he wants is red cushion and a rack
nailed up in front of him to be a dod-gasted
mourner's bench Didn't tell ye he was
Senator? Do you know what Senator is? It's
something shaped like pie, measly pie! Un-
derstand it now?"
"And is Mr.. Malone a Senator, too?" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, a new light dawnng upon
her.
s'No, he amt Senatorl" grnned Mr. Spoop-
endyke; "hes lightning rod to keep bowling
idiots from falling overheard. Begin to see in
to it? And they want him confirmed so if he
finds any dod gasted old female named Spoop-
endyke stopping into a canal he'll slam
church on top Of her! Got the idea?'"
'Upon my word, my dear" demonstrated
Mrs. SgQopendyke, "you talk extravagantly.
Mr.. Mahone may fight the Democrats, but he
women don't know Mr.. Malone, but l
don't believe he would do thing of that kind.
AS for Mr.. Matthews and MIR. Robertson, they
know their own business best, but if they have
abused Mr., Conkling would never read one
of Mr.. Matthews decisions, and Mr.. Robert
son might call here every day for month and
he could never even collect the paper bill. |
don't think it's right to trust such men with
the contribution box, and 1 know the mission
airy ladies would never permit him to collect
the subscriptions
"That's ii" yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Thats
the science of government! All you want now
is saloon in the basement to be the National
Capitol! What you need is a gas metre and a
veto to be an improved White House! When
Robertson comes here for the milk bill, you pay
him; you hear? And when Matthews is Jus
tice of the Peace for Brooklyn. you. have Conk-
ling arrested for stealing the coal, YOU hear?
Thatll fetch it! You've got the idea now!
All you want to do is to live all Summer in the
soldiers home to be a complete administration
If had your vision I'd get up on three sticks
and hire out as a telescope!'
'Of course, I'll do what you say" replied
Mrs. Spoopendyke submissively, and if Mr..
Conkling should take some of our coal, unless
it was by mistake, should certainly feel like
complaining of him. If Mr.. Robertson comes
l will pay him, though the milk is not as good
as the first we got. Perhaps Mr.. Matthews will
fix that when he gets to be Justice. Do you
think Mr.. Malone will come too?'
"Come!'' shrieked Mr.. Spoopendyke, "of
course he'll come. He's liable to be here any
minute. He's burglar, tell you, and he
may come over the back fence tonight! Look
out for him-I think hear him now!" and
Mr.. Spoopendyke fell clear over himself into
bed and pulled the clothes over his head
'Now understand why they have dead
lock- unused Mrs. Spoopendyke, pushing the
table against the door, as precauton against
the marauding Malone, and then examining a
pmple on her elbow; "it's because these am
bilious Senators and collectors and justices and