The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1881-05-27
PARAGRAPH1c POINTS.

You can never persuade man that
paper that has his name in it isn't worth
reading.
THERE'S a hitch somewhere, and it be-
gins to look as though the next World ;
Fair would have to be held in the next
world, if anywhere.
PRoF. GRrAIER is the chap who says
that within the next ten years this coun-
try is to lose $4,000, 900 inhabitants by
epidemic. Will you take cholera IN
yours?
IN IiEADvuLE, when an actor fails to
respond to an encore, the audience give
emphasis to the call by opening fire on
the scenery with revolyers. This gener-
ally brings the flushed, triumphant star
snailinesls-tss-tlsssaf1ss stliglats.-..zaTge. Ese
DAsfPENING: Old Twiggs Hello,
Jones, got your feetsopping wet, haven't
you? Why don't you wear rubbers, as L
do? | haven't wet my feet IN six
months" Jones-''Well, should think
you'd be ashamed to say so. "-HdrUard
LdmpoOn.
PROFESSOR Ito student who writes,
not for the masses, but for'the educated
| few You should write so that the
most ignorant of Your audience can un-
derstand all You can say" Student
I puzzled "What part of my production
is not clear to you, sir?''
A GENTLEMAN has started cafe Just
/ topposite a cemetery. He dedlcates his
house TO "those coming from funerals,
and announces on his sign: Private
rooms for all who desire to weep by
themselves. Wines and liquors of the
very best. - Raris Letter.
ALDEN, of the New York Times, says
that the man who wishes to break off
the habit of smoking should postpone
the lighting of his first cigar five min
utes each day. In this way the hour
for beginning to smoke viii be gradu-
ally put off until after he has gone to bed
and got to sleep.
LESSON Unnatural philosophy: (Which
Is the more delicate sense, feeling or
sight?" asked professor. ''Feeiing,"
responded a student. GIVE a proof of
it, with an example,: ''Wel, my chum
can feel his moustache, but nobody else
can see it, responded the student
Columbia College Spectator.
A FAMOUS surgeon advises one of his
patients to undergo an operation. ''Is it
very severe?" asks the patient "Not for
the patient" says the doctor; eve put
him to sleep; but very hard on the Oper-
ator." How so?" . We suffer terribly
from anxiety. Just think, it only sue
ceeds once in a hundred times.
HAPPY IS the uneducated man, for
naught does he know of perhelions,
planets, etc He might hear that Jupi-
ter had bounced into Mars and knocked
the stuffing out Of him, and he would
peacefully remark: ''Them - niggers
is allus q fghtin'. and never think
ANYTHING more about the matter. s'Where
Ignorance, etc. EUansviLle Argus.
A CITY woman recently sent letter to
q friend in farming town asking the
number of eggs a hen would lay in q
day. She knew, she said, that they
would lay n dozen or more, but she
wished to learn the exact number, as
eggs were very high, and she thought
considerable money might be made by
keeping hen.
Ir Is said that women in boarding
houses are proverbially troublesome and
dissatisfied The most opprobrious
observation which his landIady is
ever known to level at paying male
boarder is that he is as "fussv as a
woman" The highest eulogy which she
can pass upon favorite female boarder
is that -'.she makes as little trouble as
maR." i
A HOUSE. painter who is at work on a
scaaold- three stories from the ground
falls from 1T upon the sidewalk, where
he lies limp and apparently ifeless.
crowd of benevolent folks surround him
till his pulse returns and his eyelids be-
gin to hutter, when n good Samaritan
places a GLASS of water to his lips. The
sufferer rfeebly)-"H many stories has
a fellowto .fallin this ward before he gets
brandy, durn YEP sE@