The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-02-03
partetY.
VARIETY SCRAPS.

Board Of Education-the blackboard.
How much did Alphabet with Omega?
A sour mash-gettirg hit in the eye with q
pickle.
The hardest thing to deal with-an old pack Of
cards.
A suburban Paris dealer announced that he sold
doukeys like his father.
A sick child may be able to starve on castor
oil but 1t can't always paragoric.
A sewing machine agent has no music in him.
self when he coudems Singer.
The man who digs a hundred feetin the ground
after water gets along we'll
Ifyou would be wealthy get upon mule. You
would soon find out that you we're better off.
Solomon had 700 wives. That's the way the
wisest man Of his time Utah lized women.
One might suppose that there was some warmth
in "stove'pipe" hat but 1t is not "ielt."
A man never looks SO much like red handed
villain as when he is told by the photographer to
look pleasant"
josh Billings; "Man loves chance SO we'll that
he would rather win fifty cents than earn two
dollars regular"
20 mother, may go out to skate2"
.H o yes, my darling daughter
Be sure you don't fall on your pate,
But sit down as you oughter."
=. Can hanging be considered neck fqueeze.it
sensahon2 Answers to this are cord .ially invited
by the choke.uar contributor to this moose
paper,
Nautical Husband 0okingly)-"oh, I'm the
mainstay Of the family" Wife-"Yes, and the
jbboom, aud the-and the" Small boy from
experience)-"And the spanker too, mamma"
There is such thing in this world as the milk
of human kindness, but the downright mean
folks are eternally skimmiDg the cream from It.
Boston believer in Bob Ingeroll says: IT a
man 9mites you on one cheek turn to him the
other and whack him over the head with what.
ever comes handy.
I'm drawing a conclusion" remarked Amlna.
dab as he pulled the cats tail. LET me insert a
claws" said the cat. And she called on the news
for inspiration.
When Greece was in her glory trsmps were un.
known. II q meu started out to be q tramp, he
was recognized as philosopher and given fat
position in the government.
That was triumphant appeal ofa lover Of an.
tquity, who, in arguing for the superiority Of old
architecture over the new, said, where will you
hnd any modern building which has lasted 90
long as the RncientH" .....
No river rams straight to the sea,
For mountains intervene,
To turn II from useless course,
And make the meadows green.
So In our lives we go not straight,
But turned by Gods own will,
We touch the soil Of other lives
To make the world less Ill.
The hrst man was duped, the Hrs! woman de.
ceived her husband, and the iHt child became q
murderer. Such were the origins Of humanity,
and yet people affect to be surprised that the
world is not better than II ia.
When a man agrees 10 deliver letter to his
friend sweetheart and forgets 1t and leaves It In
his pocket where his wife finds 1t, he might Just
as we'll save himself the trouble Of telling her the
facls. They won't be believed.
"Now lame me" observed the grave looking
gentleman as his heels few up and his head struck
the icy pavement like base ball agsi lst the
back stop. His next remark did not sound like a
continuation Of the prayer, Perhaps he could not
remember the down to slip"
A gentleman was complaining on Change yes.
terday that he had invested q rather large sum of
money in Wall street and lost 1t ALL sympa.
thizlng friend asked him whether he had been o
bull or bear To which he replied, Neither. l
was jackassl"
Gently treat the little ones,
For the darling lssses
Soon will grow to maidenhood-
Time so swiftly passes,
Gently treat the little ones,
Kiss the blooming baby;
In the years to come she will
Be your sweetheart, maybe.
Johnny came home from school the other day
very much excited. "What do you think PAT 10
Steward one OF the big boys, had an argument
with the teacher about a question in grammar r.
what position did Joe takeH" "His last position
was across chair, with his face down."
The Detroit Free Press says, 1.-THE average wo
man does not pretend to believe half she reads or
what her negbbors tell her It is only when she
whacks up dollar to clairvoyant that she ex