The Osceola times., 1881-05-28
WAYS OF THE WORLD.

A LOCOMOTIVE drinks forty-five gallons
OF water every mile il travels, but that
isn't what the passenger settles his stom-
ach with.
NyM CRlSKLr once said of one of Eli
Perkins lectures 1T marks the limits
of navigable nonsense; beyond is the
open polar sea-"
Ina San Francisco list Of contributions
10 the fund of Mrs. John Brown, the
highest individual gift was $40. Most of
the contributors give one dollar.
The king of Ashantee in Africa, will
make war on England. The kings OF
several thousand shanties in Ireland are
anxious TO do the same thing.-Rome
Sentinel.
GooD newspapers are driving novel
reading out Of existence. We shall have
an age of practicability yet, and then
there will be no fan in living.-New
Hawn Register.
A NEVADA German is about TO visit
the Fatherland with layer of American
earth between the soles of his boots, so
that while he is absent he may still be
on American soil.
A PERU, ILL.,, undertaken stopped a
funeral procession the other day by levy
ing on the coffin and refusing to permit
it TO proceed until the mourners paid
him $l2 for the same.
AN indianapolis woman "can not see
why the majority of women should be
made a catspaw for minority to feed
their ambition upon" and expresses her
contentment with the present order Of
things.
The Cedar Keys Fla Journal desires
10 know who can tell how the shell
mounds in that neighborhood came there.
Some Of them are nearly 20 feet high.
Digging for building purposes discovered
variety Of shells.
I'VE men of the bourse" he said 10
his friend, "are much illuminated. |
have now been at the bourse for more
than ten years, and | never knew but
two rascals who amounted to anything"
And who 10 the other?" asked the
friend.
Il DON'T like Jones'" said Snodgrass.
NO." he added, after pause, 81 don't
like him. The fact is Jones speaks So
much Of himself-tells so much, you
know, that he doesn't leave any room for
the imagination. Does any reader know
Jones?"
RATHER nice city," said Bret Harte
TO friend in Scotland as they rode
through a Scotch town on the ears.
"What place is this, anyhow" The
friend replied. "This is Glasgow, where
you have been consul for the last two
or three years.
An early lesson in art: While visiting
the Louvre in Paris. lady shows the |
Venus of Milo to her little daughter |
But tell me, mamma" remarked the |
child, "what did they cut her arms of |
for?" Because she was always sucking |
her thumbs, my child"
An elderly lady said her husband was
very fond Of peaches, and that WAS his
only fault. Fault, madam" said one, |
"how can you call that fault?" why, |
because there are different ways Of eat
ing them, sir. My husband takes them
in the form of brandy"
A CITIZEN of New Mexico being in
formed that, in his absence, a panther |
had attacked his wife, and that she had |
beaten off and killed the animal, merely |
shrugged his shoulders and said: "Ef
that panther had knowed her as well as
! do, he'd never riled her up, you bet"
A countryman from New Hampshire
who had never heard Of u bicycle, came
to Boston, and when he beheld youth |
whirling along upon one Of those airy |
vehicles, he broke out into a soliloquy, |
thus: "Golly, amt that queer. Who'd |
ever 'spect to see man ridin'a hoop
skirt"
"CAN man see without eyes?" asked
the eprofessor. "Yes, sir" was the prompt |
answer. spray, sir, how do you make |
that out?" cried the astonished professor.
"He can see with one, SIR" replied the |
ready witted youth, and the whole class
shouted with delight at his triumph over
metaphysics.
HALF the romance of travelling in ire
land has hitherto lain in the necessity |
Of occasionally making ones self uncom-
Portable in an Irish jauntng-car; but the
modern appliances of locomotion are ex-
tending over the Green Isle, and it is |
now proposed to build horse railroad |
to the Giants Causeway.
IL train OF cars should start to dav |
aud travel toward the sun at the rate of
90 miles an hour, and q hours day, |
and 365 days in year, it would take |
more than l70 years to reach the sun. |
And the sun is our next-door neighbor; |
and eur solar system is little flake Of
light on the borders of infinity.
DURING the past two days several mad !
dogs have been killed while running
about the streets in Jersey City attack
ing people. Why do not the authorities
look after these dogs?-N. Y Sun. Per-
haps it's because the dogs are looking
after the authorities. You can't expect |
men to be heroes all the time.
AMONG the more remarkable weaths |
laid upon the coffin Of the late Gar was
one of great beauty inscribed: ITO the
Gar Civilizer," from the women doctors
of Russia. Thirty ladies belonging to
the medical profession in st. Petersburg
and elsewhere united in this tribute to
the sovereign under whom their sex
WAS first feely permitted the healing art
In Europe.-S,n.
YES, there they lie-so small, SO quaint
Two mouths, two noses, and two chins
What painter shall we get TO paint
And glorify the twins
10 give us all the charm that dwells
In tiny cloaks and coral bells,
And all those pleasant spells
OF babyhood, and not forget
The silver mug for either pet
No babe should be without IT,
Come fairy limner you can thrill
Our hearts with pink and daaodl
And white roset, and dimpled frill:
Come paint our little Jack and jill
And don't be long about IL.
AN Eastern paper is responsible for
this: A stork was shot by Lester Williams
at Mount Vernon. While its mortal re-
mains were undergoing examination at
the hands of ornithological experts a
snake thrust its head out of the birds
lnnnth Vha Uba