The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1881-06-06
Mr.. Spoopendyke.
He Explains to His Spouse Operations of
the Weather Bureau.
[Brooklyn Eagle.1

Brooklyn Eagle.1
81 see,'' said Mrs. Spoopendyko as she laid
the paper down, 'I see that we are to have
rising followed by falling barometer, with
northeast to southwest winds, and higher or
lower temperature, with clear or partly cloudy
weather, and light rains. How is it they con-
trive to tell so accurately about the weather?
Do you understand it?''
Certainly" replied Mr.. Spoopendyke,
'they do it by observation They have man
out West observing, and man down East who
observes, and fellows observing around in diff
ferent parts of the country. They put all their
observations together, and we know just what
it's going to do"
81 suppose that's what makes the wind so
different every morning, when one mans
temperature is rising, another is falling; and
when one is clear, all the rest are partly cloudy
with
"No they amt. Each observer sends in
what he observes, and then the chief makes up
his mind from those reports what the weather
will be-. Can't you understand"
Perfectly" said Mrs Spoopendyke, rubbing
and another sees it falling: and it's cold in one
place and cloudy in another, they all say So
But l should think when one hits it right
the others would be awful mad.''
What would they get mad about? demand
ed Mr.. Spoopendyke. "You don't IMAGINE
that they all get together and fight it out, do
you? They take the weather from different
points and combine it, and they parcel it out
among the different regions For instance, if
it SHOWS in the East and is warm in the West
they strike an average for the lake region,
NOW, what is the average between heat and
snow?"
"Rain," cried Mrs Spoopendyke, delighted
with her sagacity. ''f see how it is now.
They take what is usually going on, and equal
ize it all over the country. I'm glad the Dem
ocrats weren't elected"
What have they got to do with it? Do you
think barometer is politician?'
mo. But if the democrats had been elected
they would have to change it all around
ty wouldn't they? And Ar the South would have got
the hest share That's what the Repub-."
blast the Republicans! They've got no more
to do with it than you have. You have got an
idea that they throw the barometers and OBJ
servers into one end of steam engine and the
weather comes out of the other. They don't
self. 1t is the only self-supporting
thing about the government. And these signal
men only watch it, and tell what it's going to
be-"
81 suppose then these observers all get to-
getner and talk it over, that it is called
storm-centre, isn't it?"
That's it!' shouted Mr. Spoopendyke.
You've got the weather now. All you want
is your name painted on the handle and the
spring broken, to be an umbrella. They don't
talk ~ over; they tell all they know, and it is
fxed up In Washington. They agree on it,
here, and then they telegraph it all around
everywhere. 1t is generally made in Manito-
ba and sent down here
"How wide is it?" asked Mrs. Spoopendyke,
deeply interested. because if it isn't too bio
should think they might stop it''
Wide! It's just about feet wide! Just
feet just about as wide. as your measly in
formation. How're they going to stop it?
Think it jaws the sleeping car conductor be-
cause there's only an upper berth left? Well,
1t don't 1t hires horse! "howled Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, land the only way to stop it is to
build fence around it. There was some talk
about burning the last one. but the wood was
wet"
well, my dear, you needn't get angry
ABOUT It,, said Mrs. Spoopendyke soothingly
II only thought there might be some way thew
could make some arrangements about it. /
think storm centres are horrid, and the observ-
er in Manitoba must have hard time If he
has to observe much in the winter he must be
nearly frozen"
docs any human being know what you're
thinking about?" raved Mr.. Spoopendyke.
DO you s'pose he goes round with spy-glass
looking behind rocks? Think he prowls round
all night with lantern, hunting up storm
centres? Got an idea that he runs round un-
der the bed with broom, like a married wo-
man know of, and when he catches centre
pulls him out by the leg and observes him. He
don't do anything of the sort. He has 'em in
to spend the evening with him, and gets them
drunk, and finds out what they're up to. Un-
derstand it now? All you want is to whirl
round twice and squeak nights to be weather
vane''
Il didn't know how they did it." quoth Mrs
Spoopendyke, complacently, "but see now
Ii the Prohibitionists had been elected he
couldn't have done that, and we would have
been in bad way. Now that understand it
III learn the indications every morning. How
does barometer rise and fall?"
with jack-screws," Numbered Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. Sometimes they haul it up with a
stump machine; then they drop carpenters
shop ON 1t. When it gets very low they blow
1t up with gun-cotton. Once in Dakota it got
SO high they had to dig hole and ram it down
with spile driver. Got it now? Begin to see
through it? What you need is box of pills
and conundrum to be an almanac!" And
Mr.. Spoopendyke jumped out of the house like
oonical shot, and banged the door after him.
IL never quite understood it BEFORE" solilo-
q9ized Mrs. Spoopendyke, speculating as to
whether she would put the plume on the side
or back part of her hat; "but now that he's ex-
planned it to me, wonder they don't observe
by steam. 1t must be awful hard on the poor
men," And, having decided about the plume,
Mrs. Spoopendyke filled her mouth with pins,
and crawled under the bed in search of her
thimble.