The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-06-29
FLoTsAM AND JETsAM.
BY SIMON SHORTS SON SAMMY.


Linen busters are in full bloom.
Eve was made for Adams express
company.
Morristown is mashed" on music,
ice cream and buff dresses.
Mayor Gregg has ordered six balls
and chains. Then We'll have chained
lightning in gang.
There is buff dress now on our streets
And by faith you can see it afar.
And when it goes, some one to meet
There is going to be family jar.
A young man told his girl that he was
going out surveying. When he hadgone
she remarked that she had thought of
going into the same business, but his
feet was as much territory as she could
tackle at once.
"Hold the fort, for 1 am coming"
is what Morristown boy told his girl
when he got bee in his pants leg.
There is a certain young fellow In
this town who buys his girl ice cream
three times week and goes fishing on
Sunday, and still that girl is not happy.
She says she ought to wear his own
stockings"
a crowd of old "bumbs' were talking
about the revised New Testament when
one of them remarked, 'sI'll take the
New one in mine" "Well," said an.
other, ''they might hunt up all the bells
and hades in both and that would be
too good for you"
Faith, hope and charity is engraved
on fellows face when he steals an
umbrella from some one else, to take
his pet" home under.
One of our exchanges says. John
Rogan stands foot and seven inches
in his sock feet" Well that is not SO
big. Morristown has several that will
stand foot and never had a sock on.
When young gentleman calls on
lady friend and the conversation is
coming to the fpoint' and he is on
the lookout for the old woman, when
he hears bell ring and upon inquiring
is informed by ''pet" that it was the
ice cream bell, and "oh, Willie don't
you love cream, he wishes all the ice
cream where it would soon melt
If call the worlds STAGE" there are
several men about Morristown casted
in the character of tue vagabond-and
they play it well.
Because a Georgia girl was told she
could not talk plain she tried to commit
suicide. There will be no suicides in
Morristown, for they all talk plain, and
it is a known fact that there is q certain
girl that can talk a tightening rod
agent to death in five minutes by the
clock, and yet they love ice cream.
THE POLICE COURT.
Since our new town marshal has come
and business commenced on Qew
schedule, we And the following on his
Honor's slate for the week ending Satur-
day last:
Mr.. H, for drunken and disor-
derby conduct, fined So. After consid-
cradle trouble be gave bond. Mr. H.,
said that he was member of the Unit
ed Brothers in Christ Church and that
he was a moral young man but his "foot
had slipped" and he had spent ten cents
for tangle-leg.
Henry R, colored, drunk, disor-
derby and using obscene language on
the street, was fined 1895 and gave
bond. Henry was having little Fourth
of July picnic all to himself when
the town marshal, Mr. Bartly,
thought him about ripe and pulled him.
Henry was going 10 whip out all of the
colored brethren and sisters in the
Northern portion of town, but sud-
denly changed his mind.
Jas. W, a tramp, came into our
quiet city on Friday, got drunk and was
the best mau that ever travelled by
''knee steam" But the eyes of the law
were upon him, and on Saturday we
seen james pulling dog fennel for all he
was worth on Main street. He loom ed
- like ten cents chrome struck by
iigh.t ning.