Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1881-12-01
No. Z
HUMOR OF THE HOUR.

! Mrs. Partington: mo, ma'am, | don't
think l care to sell the spinnin'-wheel. 1t
belonged to Aunt Cinthy Bascom, and I'd
like to keep it for a relish of the old lady"
lady called at drug store where they
also kept books, and inquired of one of the
hrm, Have you 'GrOte's Greece?" mo,
mum; but we got some excellent bears OIL
A young widow was asked why she was
going to wed so soon after the death of her
first husband "Oh, la,' said she, II do it to
prevent trotting myself to death on account
of dear Tom"
Tailor: Have your pantalOons cut loose,
by all means. You have beautiful legs for
loose trousers. Brown is delighted) The
same size all the way up, you know. Brown
thirsts for that tailors blood
Young husband to young wife You
ought not to tease the baby by letting him
suck on an empty bottle" Young wife: HE
can get as much enjoyment out of that as he
can out of his thumb, can't he?
You sot," exclaimed poor woman to her
husband, you are always at the tavern get
ting drunk with hot punch, while l am at
home with nothing to drink but cold water,"
Cold, you silly jade why don't you warm
it?
Lodger-Well, Mrs. McInlay, have YOU
been ct church the day? Landlady-yes:
l was doun hearin' the Reverend Doctor Nc
Andrews Eh, he's the kind o. minister I
like to hear he was that earnest he was lust
in the pulpit.
"Ah" said an Englishman the other day. Il
belong to q country on which the sun never
sets" And ," said q Yankee, "belong to q
country OF which there can be no correct
map-it grows so fast that surveyors can't
keep up with it."
A husband advertises thus: "Mv wife.
Maria, has strayed or been stolen Whoever
returns her will get his head broke. AS to
.rustlng her, anybody can do so if they see
1t for as never pay my own debts, it's not
likely I'll pay her'n."
why, my dear Mrs Smith, whatever have
,,ou done with my new piano." "Oh, Mr.
smith insisted on my disposng of it. and
'uying instead sewing machine for each of
he girls. He says they would be much
more useful, and would make much less
Oise'
4ou told me, sir, that the horse was en-
rely without fault, and yet he is blind"
he dealer looked blandly into the irritated
Ountenance OF the loser by the transaction,
hi oalu, Will CuttIIllHS innocence: Il Go not
egard blindness as fault, sir-it is mis-
,rtune'
Mother(to new girl, who has been hired to
muse the children); Mary, how is this?
hese children are making terrible noise"
lary: well, indeed they are ma'am; and
m so glad you've come in Here I've been
ying to write for the last half hour, and
eir noise is so distracting"
A Highland teetotaller was found drinking
his breakfast at a wayside inn, where he
ought that he should not be known. "Och.
onald, and we thocht We were an abstainer,'
claimed a deacon, who looked in unexpect-
ly. "And so I am" was the reply, :'but
ken, my friend, that am no begoted
e."
Want any species of cloves 2" asked a ped
er OF saloon-ke1er one day last week.
at for VANITY ~ asked the proprietor
o take away the smell Of beer from the
cath, exclaimed the peddler. "Take away
t smell ov beer" exclaimed the man be-
nd the counter. "You got Something's vat
akes der smell stay On, buys him."