National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1881-02-05
SMOKE-HOUSE JIM'S.
ANOTHER BRILLIANT SYMPOSIUM.
An Important Debate On Various Subjects by the
Ke-yurnels, Aajahs, Jedges-The Potomac
FIats-Psssage Of Resolutions
Some Poetry and Song.


one corner: two or three round tables whereon
during the intervals of business, friendly games of
poker might be INDUCED in; numerous chairs,
with several make-shifeS in the shape of divers
| empty boxes and barrels and good stable stove,
| which seemed always to be at fever heat.
The floor was nicely carpeted with sawdust
mixed with sprinkling of sand, and, best of all
there was private entrance in the rear through
an alley leading in from the next street.
Another advantage not TO be overlooked was the
absence of gas fixtures. Jim said that when he
first Opened out" he had a seven,iet chandelier
with argand burners; but although the gas used
was of "sixteen-candle power" it made the place
/ too Oakland such a small room! Four tallow
dips, one in each corner of the apartment, gave a
vastly better light; and so it seemed to Majah !"
Shadsby, as he emerged from the shadowy outer
saloon, illuminated according to the gasmakers
manual at the rate of 32Gcandle power, into the
blaze of what he at first thought might be a con-
! fagration of unprecedented extent
! The Majah" was the first to arrive upon the
scene. Selecting the most comfortable chair, and
moving it to the most eligible location (the corner
between the stove andlunch counter, he sat down,
with some crackers in one hand and dried herring
| in the other to MUNICH and mediate.
| The members dropped in one by one, and by
halfpast seven all were present
The symposium was convened at precisely eight
o'clock, "Jedge" Ke-ayrter, at the request of the
worthy president who was in attendance, but feel
| ing poorly, assuming the chair.
Reading the minutes of the last preceding assem-
| bly, was, by unanimous consent, dispensed with
and, acting upon the suggestion of Ke-yurnel
"Dick" Mugglethorpe their hosts former MASTERY,
it was further agreed that the regular order of
business should not be strictly adhered to. He
thought they ought to celebrate their great good
fortune in securing such comfortable quarters in a
becoming manner.
| Young LimbeTlegs, who was somewhat artisticaily
inclined, suggested that he be employed to make a
PLASTER CAST
of their entertainers physiOgnomy. Deacon Full
some inquired concerning the probable cost, and
was informed that it would be in the neighbor-
hood ofS15,0O0. 1t would require nearly day in
which to complete the task, and time especially
when coupled with skill and reputation) cost
money.
"Majah' Podger asked if q bill making the
necessary appropriation could be gotten through
Congress.
Honorable Chadwick Chinwind thought that by
| a judicious use of material upon busted" Con-
gresSmen such measure could doubtless be passed
1t was so in his day.
While the matter was still under discussion the
subject of it glided in behind the counter and
handed the presiding officer an officiallooking
uOcuInent, WHICH inc ldller pTOcetueu 10 open
forthwith and yet not without due deliberation.
The contents of the envelope consisted of q
lengthy communication touching the proposed
improvement of the
POTOMAC FLATS.
and advocated the clock" system similar to that
at one time employed to carry off sewage from the
old canal. The writer thought that by building
succession of locks from the mouth of the street
sewer across to Masons Island, and an intersectng
series from the Twenty-sixth street wharf to the
Arsenal, navigation might be successfully i'm
peded, if not altogether destroyed. When the ac-
cumulations had grown above high tide, Kidwelrs
Bottoms could easily be enlarged to take them in.
"Majah" Shadsby thought proper disposition
aeeretions required them to be redistributed
throughout the streets and avenues of the city, and
suggested that the contractor for sweeping the
streets be requested to run his machines over the
bottoms, when dry, to accomplish such a result.
STREET swEEPERs,"
the Majah" said, when controlled by master
mind, as happens to be the case in the Nations
Capital, are capable of kicking up more dust and
creating more discomfort than any other class of
engines ever invented to veX mankind. No one
who has ever beheld the clouds of dust hanging
above them, or who has felt the peltings of the
filthy particles set adrift by them as they perambu
late up and down the Avenue when the thorough
fare is most crowded, can doubt their efficiency
Ke-yurnel Cadger thought the proper plan for
disposing of the
KIDWELL BOTTOMS
was the wetdigging system-that is, digging the
mud from the unnavigable portions of the river
and dumping it in the channels where navigation
still barely possible. By such course all dan
ger of a"wearing OUT of the channel from too
frequent use would be entirely obviated.
Deacon Fulsome was of the opinion that some
thing like windmill, located upon the Three
Sisters, with a bellows attachment" might be
adapted to the object in view. wind" he re-
marked, sis powerful agent when properly df-
reeted by the right kind of men,"
Elder Stukey was not versed in scientific engi-
neering, but knew nothing could be made by hap-
ing the work accomplished under Government
supervision. Government officers were held to a
strict accountability for every dollar appropriated.
| where would the 'lobby'-the really intelligent
and most deserving portion of the community,
come in?"
The Honorable Chinwnd observed that he had
given the matter his most careful and earnest con-
sideration, and was fully satisfied that the pal
ladium of success rested in private enterprise fed
by generous appropriations. Private enterprise
gave the lobby achance-would give them chance
to investigate the depth of the public purse. He
in favor of letting out the job by contract to
the highest and least responsible bidder.
"When was in Congress" he continued, Il
SECURED AN APPROPRIATION
! for the improvement of the Bigumbug River-an
appropriation OF $4,000 (the amount needed to re-
lease mortgage on my plantaton); and the joke
of it all was that there wasn't water enough in the
| channel to swim rninnow, only as it was pumped
| in from my well Ghe real source of the noble
streaml or fell directly from the clouds. 1t was
situated on the back bone of watershed, and had
no surface drainage whatever"
| "Majah" Podger believed discussion had been
carried far enough Action was needed. He,
therefore, offered resolution, which, with its pre-
| amble, was read, as follows:
| Whereas the Potomac is a noble river; and
| Whereas Washington, the National Capital, is
| situated upon the bank of said river; and
Whereas so much of said river as borders said
city is a wei-known public nuisanee-a receptacle
| for sewage driftage, and maarial matter of every
conceivable description, and potent promoter OF
disease and altogether useless for purposes of navi
| cation; and
| Whereas the good citizens of Washington have
no interest or rights in the premises beyond those
| of public nature, involving the welfare of all
classes and permanent improvement of the Capital
City, and which interest and rights are unworthy
ofrecognition by the lobby" and
| Whereas legislation looking TO an improvement
of said river and thereby of this said city, and
! thereby of the physical and pecuniary condition
of its citizens is threatened: Now therefore, be it
| Res0lued That committee, to be designated the
| Committee of Obstruction" disappointed to wait
upon Congress and protest against any such
measure, and to employ every artifice known to
the lobby to defeat any and all beneficial lcgis-
| lation in the premises.
The resolution was unanimously adopted, and
! the chair appointed as the committee the mover
of the resolution, Deacon Fulsome, ''Jedge' u
| Crunkles, Keyurnel Cheekey, and the writer oil
the article which had been laid before the meet
! ing-A. Humbug, c. E.
| By the time this matter had been disposed of il
was nearly ten o'clock.
| S250-S1.72-So50
| The lunch receptacles had been replenished
twice, aud were filed for the third time. The
chairman was dry, very dry. So were the Others