Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1881-03-03
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HUMOROUS.

| UilHunGbs.
Young ladies who have a great num-
Der OF beaux complain OF having chaps
on their hands.
1t is Astonishing how tall men sud-
denly become short when the January
bills fock in on them.
There is a woman in Philadelphia
who thinks 80 much OF her husband
that che commences warming him the
moment be comes in tn: house.
A crusty old bachelor says the reason
the female face is devoid Of hair is be-
cause woman couldn't keep her tongue
long enough for barber TO shave her.
The Philadelphia Herald announces
that the fashionable spring bonnet will
be composed of fifteen cents worth of
bonnet, and fifty dollars worth Of trim
mings.
A young lady who lately gave a mil
liner an order for bonnet, said: =" You
must make it plain. but still attractive
and smart, as / sit in conspicuous
place in church."
An inquiring man thrust his fingers
into horse's mouth TO see how many
teeth II had, and the horse closed its
mouth TO see how many fingers the man
had. The curiosity of each was fully
satisfied.
That's a steal engraving, isn't il ?"
Mahlstick i'd TO his neig hbor BURN,
suddenly coming out and catching him
going off with the Artist'sax. "Oh, no."
BURN said, little confused, Its only
q wood. cut. .H-Bu7dcte.
a new style OF wall paper is made
without either figure or tint. 50 that it
gives the walls Of the room that vacant
expression of subGued intellectuality
that is so marked in the features of a
man pianist. Hatokeyc.
Josenn Snow, of Indiana. told his
wife 10 shut her head. That WAS TWEEN
ty-one years ago, and she has not
spoken since, though constantly living
together as man and wife. Joseph it
o course fat and contented.
A Cincinnati man found a rough
looking individual in his cellar. WHO
are YOU ?" he demanded. 1.-THE gas
man come TO take / be meter" was the
reply. Great heavensl" cried the
household, Il hoped you were only a
burglar"
Il Chicago paper tells OF a man who
was com planning that he had invested
rather large sum OF money in Wall street
and lost it all. A sympaihizing friend
asked him whether he had been bull
or bear. He replied: Neither; I
was a jacksss."
There is 8 man in our town,
And he Is wondrous wise;
Whenever he hAA goods to cell
He straight doth advertise;
And when be finds his goods are gone
lie hur1ies in another lot
To advertise again.
After all the evidence was In, Gal
weston judge asked the accused. who
was charged with stealing a watch. IL
he bad anything more 10 offer. Il did
have an old silver watch TO offer you
judge, but my lawyer borrowed it and
hasn't brought 1t back yet " Gaires-
Ton Eescs.
A woman will work month to fab
ricate delicate protection for chair.
and then when IL is in place an edict il
promptly issued forbidding any man
sitting In that chair. through fear of
spelling the tidy. It's the best chair
protector that could be desired. d.-Rock-
laad Courier.
".say, boy-say, exclaimed hot
looking man with valise, what Is the
quickest way TO get 10 the cars p"
4" Run" yelled the boy. and the hot
looking man was 80 pleased with the
information that II he could have got
near enough 10 the boy he would have
given him something. Something that
he would have remembered Rcckland
Courier.
A Western town has female sheriff.
Recently che arrested q man, and he.
hoping to fatter her into letting him
escape. told her she was the handsomest
woman he ever saw. And did she let
him escapeP Mol She wouldn't let
that man out Of her sight, anyway. but
wanted him around all the time. Trick
cry Il sure 10 fail In the end. Boston
Post.
Dearest Harold. I love you with all
the deep devotion of my sex. Your
image IL ineffaceably engraven on the
.ah ets of my memory, and In my heart
the love hear for you can never, never
die. Hut am extravagant, wildly ann
bilious 10 shine in society, TO sat beside
the ieweled queens Of fashion, 10 dazzle
al eyes with priceless gems, and 20.
dear. dear Harold. must marry the