The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1881-04-21
Cte 9ighIaud 8gews,
TTILLsBOROTGH, OITTO..
THURSDAY. APRIL 21. 1881.
A goans IN Oongrasu

a DC5n9 II congress
Bob Burdette talks thus: Ny son, Il
may be that as you grow older you win
be seized with an ambition to serve
Pour country in the halls Of Congress.
To this end you should begin now to
, acquire that polish and easy elegance
Of language which will enable YOU to
shine in debate. Read the daily pa
pers, and thus familiarize yourself with
the language and manners of the Amer
lean legislator. Cut out the official TO
port Of the great financial debate be-
tween the Hon. Mr.. Cleaver and the
I Hon. Mr.. Shark, that it may b 70 SOt
a textbook upon monetary matters.
/ Mr. CleaTer-In presenting this bill
for the issue Of four hundred million
copper dollars per diem, Mr.. Speaker,
1 am moved to say:
Hon. Mr.. Snark-The honorable gen
tleman is q dirty liar and dassen't take
it up.
Hon. Mr.. CleaYer-Sir, Mr.. Speaker,
if the honorable gentleman doesn't take
that back in two shakes of a sleeps tail
l will kick the everlasting stufhng right
out of him.
The Speaker-The gentleman must
be careful, in the heat of debate, not to
overstep the bounds Of courtesy and par
Gamentary usages.
Hon. Mr.. Snark-The gentleman is a
lop-eared son of a gun from wooden
shoe county, and he can't whip one side
| of me.
Hon Mr.. CleaVer-WiII the gentleman
step out from behind his desk and put
up his mauleys? Dance to me, you
sucker, only weigh a pound.
Hon. Mr., Snark-pI slap your nasty
| mouth, you VenOmous old beast.
Hon. Mr.. Cleaver-AW-W, shut up,
Skinny; what are you givin' US?
Hon. Mr.. GrOans, Of Texas-Black
his eye! Hit him in the mouth!
Other honorable gentlemen from va
riOus Statesmen him one! Send
him one in the paste-hOrn, for luck!
/ Smack him in the snoot!
Hon. Mr.. Candle (the speaker), mild
| ly - The honorable gentlemen viii
/ please keep within the bounds Of parlia-
mentary courtesy.
Hon. Mr.. Cleaver Dumping up in the
air and cracking his heels tOgether)-
| WhOOp! 1 kin chaw up and carry out
! any son of a thief between Chicago and
Cairo! If you don't believe it, smell Of
my boots!
Hon. Mr.. Snark-Hold me down,
somebody! I'm the bad man from the
river district, and eat raw buffalo!
Where do you want me to hit first?
And just here the police, on their way
to close a disOrderly house in the neigh
bOrbOod, stepped in and closed the de-
bate.
From this page Of Congressional his
tory, my son, you can see how to direct
your reading in order to acquire a sufh.
cient knowledge of financial matters to
participate in a debate on the funding
bill. 1t may be q grand thing to 20 to
Congress, 1 won't discourage you, my
dear boy, if your ambition leans in that
direction. Still, so long as you have an
alternative open, so long as you can get
a steady situation as Chambermaid in q
livery stable or clerk on a raft I wouldn't
advise you to set your heart on Congress.
The American people really do not have
much respect for Congress as q body.
They are always glad when it adiourns.
Individually, the members Of Congress
are, I believe, good citizens, good
neighbors, and good men. But for q
lot Of good raw material, my boy, they
can make the meanest aggregate when
they get together Don't worry
about going to Congress, Telemachus.
Go to the mines or Join the minstrels.
Your parents will think more Of you.