The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-02-23
VARIETIES.

Every tomorrow has two handles.
We can take hold of it by the handle
OF anxiety or the handle Of faith.
IfGod were not more mindful of
His promises than we are of His pre-
cepts, we were undone.-Henry.s
"Free Chops" is sign hung opt
by Chicago restaurant, and when
customers apply they are shown to
wood pile and handed an axe.
A firm trust in Divine Providence
strengthens in the performance OF
duty, enhances earthly enjoyments,
and brings consolation and peace to
the troubled heart.
An exchange ..says: "The bee
stings itself to death in trying to
sting some one else" Some men
make things uncomfortable all
around them for a season. but the
end is generally worse for themselves
than for those they sought to annoy.
"See that my graves kept green
he warbled, under the window of his
fair ones domicil one pleasant night.
"I'll tend to the grave business,
young man." shouted her enraged
paternal ancestor, as he poked an old
musket out of the second story win
dow. No more concert that even
ing.
a young lady was overheard tell
ing a friend the other evening that
she was dreadtully put out" because
her pa had rented pew in the third
row from the pulpit, and she couldn't
see the fashions worth cent without
twisting her neck off almost. There's
no pleasure in going to church any
more" she says.
'James Jenkins" said school
master to his pupil, "what is an
average? "a thing, sir" answered
the scholar promptly, "that hens
lay eggs on" "Why do you say
that, you silly boy?' replied the
pedagogue. Because, sir" said the
youth, Il heard a gentleman say the
other day as hen would lay, on an
average, 100 eggs year.
SAM" said young mother, "do
you know what the difference is be-
tween the body and the soul? The
soul, my child, is what you love
-wiih- the body carries you about.
This is your body (t0uchfng the BOY s
shoulders and arms), but there is
something deeper in. You can feel
it now. What is it ?" "Oh, yes, l
know" said he, with flash OF intel
ligence in his eye, that is my fan
mel shirt"
When o young man at West
End boarding house found the girl
he adored, was flirting with another
man, he didn't try to make either be.
lieve the other false. He hired the
waiter to bawl out in the kitchen
loud enough to be heard in the din
ing.room: Second plate O. onions,
and some more pertaters, and fresh
plate o. bread for Miss Blank" and
the other fellow of course heard it
and dropped her.
A young man from the codntry,
having married a city vocalist,
promptly wrote home that his wife
was tirst-class singer with re-
markable voice. ''In fact" he wrote
"she has mezo-soprano OF unusual
power and compass" His mother
Immediately answered, my son,
that is what your Aunt Keziah died
OF. She waited too long before she
had it operated on. Don't delay.
Have it cut out at once.
Patrick saw a bull paving in a
field, and thought how amusing it
would be to jump over, catch him
by the horns and rub his nose in the
dirt. The idea was so funny that he
laughed to think OF it. The more he
thought Of 1t the tunnier it seemed,
and he determined to do it. BOWS
quickl tossed him over the fence.
Somewhat bruised, Patrick leisurely
picked himself up, with the very con.
solatory reflection: "Well, it was
moighty lucky | had my laugh
toorst."
A good Methodist asked John
Wesley what he thought as to his
marrying a certain women, well
known to both. Wesley advised
him not to think OF it. "Why," said
the other, "she is a member of your
church. Isu't she?' EYES," was
the reply. "AnG you think she is
truly Christian woman ?" YES"
said Wesley, 81 believe she is"
"W ell, then, why not marry her ?"
Because" replied Wesley "be-