The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-04-07
HUMOR.

Is Il mushroom city builded with
toads tools.
"Ewe get out' a, the farmer said to
the lamb in his corn.
Zone Lung is the consumptive re-
minding name of Chinese laundry
man on a Brooklyn street.
Jones, speaking of the beef served at
his boarding house, says that il is moth
ing with his landlady,
He couldn't raise the mortgage on
his building lot, and so, poor man,
without becoming blind, he lost his
site.
Brigham Young acquired the title Of
general from having been called
''Briggy dear so often by his numer-
Gus wives.
"Ihe Pol,cem0R' is the title of
new London weekly 1t will circulate
agreat deal among the pretty servants.
A bank is a bad place for delicate
young clerks and bald-headed cashiers;
so much exposed to drafts, YOU know
Jacob, is there much difference
between sea and saw9N yes the
difference between see and saw is
intense.
We don't just see whya woman should
like her mirror better than man, for
the man will tlatter her and the mirror
won I. 49, Boston Past.
Diner (sniifling) -"Waiter, | really
think this fish is not fresh" Waiter
Yes, sir--can't answer for that; I've
only been ere week, sir
A heightened New York lady paid
$500 for a poodle, the other day, and
two of her relatives were at the same
time eating public soup at Syracuse.
BARLEY Campbell is accused of writ
ing four plays in one year., Quite a
literary feat; but Dr.. Warren, it may
be remembered, wrote Ten Thousand
Year"
"Money does everything for a man.
said an old gentleman. pompously,
Eyes" replied the other man, -" but
money won't do as much for Il man as
some men will do for money"
When Chicago little boy is bad,
and his mamma orders him TO stand in
the corner. he edges toward the door,
and remarks: "eay ma, is it corner
in lard or corner in porkP"
Jones, boy has had a leg so lame that
he couldn walk TO school for a week,
and, after two doctors had failed to
cure it, the old man had TO ret the lad
a pair OF club skates to Fix him right
Lecture upon the rhinoceros. Pro-
fcssor: II must beg you 10 give me
your undivided attention. 1t is abso-
lutely impossible that You can form a
true idea of this hideous animal unless
you keep your eyes fixed on me.
Tourist TO Highland porter: is the
midday train generally up to time,
porter? Porter: "Wcel, you'll see,
sir, sometimes she was sooner and
sometimes she was earlier, and some
times she was earlier, and sometimes
she was before that, too
A Partisan enters poor restaurant
and dimes badly. In settling up, he
says to the owner: Dear sir, embrace
me- Hum, embrace you?" he says
in astonishment "Why, YES, for |
really believe we shall never see each
other again
"Will you have it rare OF well done?"
said Commissioner Brennan to an
Irishman, as he was cutting slice of
roast beef. II love it well done ever
since | am in this country replied Pat,
'for it was rare enough ate it in Ire
land"
Rufus Choate believed in hard work
and struggle When some one said TO
him that certain fine achievement
was the result of accident, he exclaim-
ed: "Nonsensel You might as well
drop the Greek alphabet on the ground
and expect to pick up the Had. >"
Figaro represents little boy asking:
"Papa, what, then, is it that dstin-
guishes civilization from barbarismP'
''Oh, it is quite simple replies the
parent: civilization kills its enemy at
six thousand metres with cannon
ball, aud barbarism chops off his head
with sabre
--s-es----------