Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1881-06-29


AT his soup Adams, she continued
fixed in her posture i see the -ladle
quite plainly
Laws, ma'am, how clevern Adam
said, feeling the ground better undel
her feet. Hereupon, for many minutes
nothing was said.
Adams Mrs Mainwaring Trumpet
said at last, 'he has had three helps o
soup
Adams scarcely knew how she was
to take this.
You see, ma'am,' she said difident
ly, 'he is very thin gentleman
Il don't see what that has got to dc
with it, Adams the mistress said, re-
( turning to the telescope. Here comes
the fish,
Another long pause ensued, at the
end of which Mrs. Mainwaring Trum,
pet turned round upon her maid.
Twice, Adams. I could not be
sure, but think it must be cod. Well
three and two make five.'
so they do, ma'am,' Adams said
wisely giving free assent where the
fact was ndubitabe and the safety OF
coincidence of opinion tolerably GER
tain.
Shoulder of mutton!' called out Mrs
Mainwaring Trumpet in due course;
and | suppose that's onion sauce
What pity one can't smell with tel
escope, and one would he sure =
You can't smell with it, suppose
ma'am?' Adams said humbly, like q
true disciple of sciences
No you can't smell with it, Adams,
| the mistress answered Bless me,
shc added, before this piece OF informa-
tion was well off her lips, two glasses
! of sherry, one after another, without
taking breath between. | don't quite
| like the look of that, Adams
He is such a very thin gentleman,
pleaded Adams, who knew well that
she might take up the defense without
yexing her mistress
Il suppose they do take more build
ing up, Adams, the mistress remarked
still gazing
Pm sure they do, ma'am,' Adams
replied fervently There's my father,
ma'am, thin as that paper knife, ma'am,
and the quantity of beer he takes to
keep himself up you wouldn't believe.
1t is quite ruin, ma'am, that it is. Pm
sure, ma'am, nothing Mr.. Arrowsmith
does can be wrong, ma'am, after them
sermons
Quite right, Adams replied tie
mistress. Order the brewer to leave
nine gallon cask at your fathers
house to o-morrow.'
Thank you, ma'am,' Adams answer
ed. But as | was a-sayin', what a
dear good man that Mr.. Arrowsmith is
He is just cutting into his cheese y
called out Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet
The very cheese | sent him on Tues
day y
Thus things went on until the rec
tors dinner was over, when Mrs. Main
waring Trumpet rose to her feet and
said:
Il know everything. Soup three
times and fish twice; shoulder Of NUT
ton three times at least, and am not
sure about fourth, for | breathed on
the glass and had to clean it, Sweets
twice, for certain; cheese, dessert, and
six glasses Of wine in all, / think. Ad-
ans, do think
They required it, ma'am,' Adams
said firmly; it's the call of nature,
that's what it is
We'll, / suppose So the mistress
said, reasoning with herself as her
maid prepared to go down stairs. You
see my size and how little / eat
Just so, maain,' Adams said
The doctor says, continued Mrs.
Mainwaring Trumpet, laughing, that
| live on my fat
That's just it, ma'am,' Adams said,
leaving the room only when the door
was closed behind her she added -
Three eggs and bacon to breakfast
this morning. and cold trout with mar
malade 10 follow. That's living on your
fat, | suppose. Well, it's easy knowing
what your fat lives on
Under the most favorable circun-
stances Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet
never could keep secret long, and
now, in her clation at her own brllan-
cy, she told several friends of the con-
trlvance by which she was enabled to
watch her beloved one at all hours
OF course people laughed and thought
the whole thing capital joke that
she did not mind the least but mat
ters grew serious when the rector heard
that his whole parish was laughing at
him on account Of Mrs. Trumpet's tel
escope. lie had never heard of the
telescope before.
The observing reader will have re-
marked in his journey through human
life that just in proportion as men are
ludcrous, in that degree do they hate
the idea Of becoming 40. To smile like
FnlstnT because we are the cause Of
wit in others, is given only to the i'm
mortals in waggcry your average man
hates Of all things 10 be laughed at.
Now, when Arrowsmith. the grim, the
solemn, the lank, discovered that he
was the laughing stock Of his congre-
CATION, he came To determination
that he would break off his engagement
with Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet But
how accomplish that2 He could not
openly allege the telescope M cause.
Fancy an impassioncd counsel harangu-
ing jury against reverend defendant
who broke of his engagement because
woman who loved him better than
lie had looked nj him throuph n tclc-
scope That would never do The
matter must be accomplished by craft.
aud Mr.. Arrowsmith sct himself 10
think how IL could be done.
At this time there came TO settle in
his parish n maiden lady o! enormous
wcalth-that is, for every thousand
pounds Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet pos-