The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-03-03
TICKLING TRIPLES.

A new sign in Springfield, ILL.,,
sample-room reads: Thomas and
jerry are now ripe"
The Signal Service observer on the
top of Pixies Peak holds the highest
office in the gift of the nation.
Holding Cabinet appointment is a
for your neighbors, without anything
'.Mary Jane, have you given the
gold fish fresh water?" ma am.
What's the use? They hav'n't drank
up what's in there yet"
1t is said that "a young man of socie-
ty," out making call. may wear two
watches, and yet not know when it is
time to go.
A Scientific man says that he can
find no trace of man in the monkey,
but finds abundant traces of the
monkey in man.
A Lawyer in q foreclosure case, in
summing up, said: May it please the
court, second thoughts are often the
best, but it is never so with mortgages. :"
"You were not at poor Maurice's S
funeral?'' ?''-''No, l was not there. y
..You did not treat him well. bah!
he will not come to mine, so we are
quits"
e.Have you got the rent ready at
l:st?'' mo, Sir; mothers gone out
washing, and forgot to put it out for
you.'' .Did she tell you she'd forgot
temp" Eyes, sir.''
ic-a-bac.-''There," said a charm
ing lady, with Il naive expression, that
u 60 to
ebony case of chinaware, ''that is my
brick-bat cabinet
Sagey.-A may may object to wear
ing buttonhole bouquets, but it's aston
ishing with what fortitude he goes
through the ordeal of having one pinn-
ed on if the donor happens to be young
and pretty.
'.Better late then never" will do
very well when applied to 4 legacy left
by some sturdy old uncle whom you
had expected TO outlive you, but ''better
never than late" should he your motto
in catching train.
Cool enough.-..We don't want any
ice this season. said rich man to the
ice man. ''Some of my own and of my
wife's relations are staying with lis, and
a GOODNESS has sprung up between them,
which beats any ice-house."
Il say, Glenn cried two disputing
darkieS, appealing for decision to a
sable umpire. (which word is right
dizactly or dezactly?' The sable UNI
pire reflected moment, and then with
a look of wisdom, said: Il can't tell
perzactly."
well, Mrs. Flanagan, what does the
doctor say about your husbands deaf
nessP'' ..Bedad! the doctor says he will
never hear again, but (whispers) PLACE
don't spake loud for it mi CHIT make him
fale loike he was depressed. ."-Gaices-
ton NeacS.
An English servant-9irl who had re-
turned from the United States to visit
her friends ut home was told that she
'.looked really aristocratic," to which
she responded funnily, ''Yes; in Amer
lea all of us domestics belong to the
hire class"
The Cleveland Herald having pub
lished some verses entitled, ''Why do |
Sing?" and written by a young woman,
the Chicago Tribune rejoins that it is
probably because her father paid five
hundred dollars to n music teacher for
spelling a good stocking darner.
The prosecuting witness in one of the
cases before the Galveston Recorder
Yesterday had a lump over his eye as
big rs an egg plant, which was caused
by Jim Webster throwing a lump of
coal at him without the slightest provoca-
ton. Il don't see as there is a single
circumstance" said the Re-
corder ''Why, jedge, you has ober-
looked one OBJ de mitigatinest circum-
stances in de world. 1 only hit him
wild a lump of soft coal. Don't yer call
that mitigatin, when l could hab fotch-
ed him just as easy wild lump of hard
coal?'' Galcest0n Ncscs.