Connecticut western news., 1881-11-30
WIT AND WISDOM.

IT IS easier to ma fault than lt 1s 70 find perfection. - Whitehall Times. SOME men of bad habits are. like fshes, and are not cured until after death.
 NEVER borrow more than you can pay back and never lend more than you can borrow. sa MEN who have never had any advan- tages sometimes make it up by taking advantage of everybody they have deal ings with. .-
 IT TAKES six years to learn pig to understand nine words, and all these words put together won't drive him out of a garden.
 A BOSTON paper says: cone of the might-have- beens lives at Little Falls" A great many of the must-have-beans live in Boston.
 IT IS easy enough to raise breeze about the Boston Worlds Fair, but ''to raise the wind" is quite another thing. -Lo,0eu Courier. t
 A MINE is hole in the ground. The discoverer of it is natural liar. The hole in the ground and the liar combine and issue shares and trap fools.
 "W1nn you tell me-" asked an old gentleman of lady, ''what Mrs. -'s maiden name was" "why, her maiden aim was to get married, of course," ex- claimed the lady.
 A WESTERN paper contains an ac- count of young lady charming Q rat" But that's nothing. We have known young lady to charm Democ- rat.-Norristoso Herald.
 THIS Star-route business could be easily settled and all the accused be got out of trouble, if the Government would only induce bank examiner to inspect the accounts, and would then act upon his report.
 A PRETTY woman in black passes the window. "Looks like a pretty young widow, doesn't she? Don't you like to see a pretty young widowP Pretty young widow is always pleasing sight" "Yes so long as she isn't yours."
 C1RouM1oouTIoN: "Do you think Sam would steal2" asked master of his servant. ''No, massah," replied the servant, s.I don't think he would steal; but then if was chicken and knew Sam was around I should roost high"
 ''I WISH I were you about two hours," she said to her husband, with great ten derness. ''And why, my dears" he asked. "Because," she said, toying affectionately with his watch.chain - s'because then I would buy my wife a new bonnet"
 A NURSE was telling about man who had become so terribly worn out by dissipation that he could not keep any food on his stomach, when one of her listeners asked: "What does he live on, then ?" "On his relations, ma'am," answered the nurse.
 EMILY VAN F., Gonzales: "The Sum day Law is not enforced, neither is the law regarding the carrying of concealed weapons, and great many other laws are dead letters. would like to know what laws are made for, anyhow~ Lawyers. -Ieras Siftings.
 THIS is the season of the year when people begin to get up set of sociables. The young men appointed to manage may as well set aside little money every week to use in making up the deficiency caused by other folks failing to pay. Then they have the money ready next spring. g.-Boston Post. @
 "THE candles you sold me last week were very bad," said Jarrold to a tallow candler. "Indeed, sir, I am very sorry for that" "Yes. sir do you know they burnt to the middle, and then would burn no longerG" "You surprise me 1 What, sir, did they go outP" "No, sir, no they burnt shorter r
 A PERSON who was recently called in- to court for the purpose of proving the correctness of surgeons bill was asked whether the doctor did not make several visits after the patient was out of dan ger. "No," replied the witness, "I con- sidered the patient in danger as long as the doctor continued his visits"
 THEY sat together in the lamplight and read the advertising columns of their local paper, when he suddenly exclaimed: "Look, only $15 for . suit of clothes r els it wedding suit ?" she asked. "Oh, mo-" he replied cit is @ business suit" "Weli, meant business" she replied. That settled it.
 A MEMBER of the rhetorical class in . certain college had just finished his Reclamation, when the professor said: "Mr. -, do you suppose general would address his soldiers in the man. ner you spoke that piece2" "Yes. sir, I do," was the reply, eff he was hali scared to death, and as nervous as 2 cat" ,f
 MONEY.
 Belubbed. the worl's pretty hard place
 Elf yer hasn't got plenty ob cash.
 But ebbery one says, "Wat beautiful face
 Wen dey sees yer dimins flash,
 Don yer seer
 Wen mans homes an likewise poor He hasn't no sort ob show; He will be druv to de wall, for shurc,
 For dat mans vulgar an low, | Don yer see7
 Now, of yer pocket is werry we'll filled
 An you own lots ob Ian. ...
 Although yer honor has all been spilled .
 Deyll take yer by de han,
 Don yer see?
 De good Lord He looks inter do soul .
 An nebber asks if yer rich,
 He says says He, "Ef yer wholesome an xuhnla . ....