River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-07-07
IN A NUTSHELL.

A western editor wrote an article on
''Rhubarb," and the compositor made
pi of it.
One way to make money is to take
half-pound trout fill it up with shot
and then go and bet it weighs pound
and half.
Mayor Kalloch says he has come to
the eastern states for fun and pleasure.
He always did have Il taste for those
things.
She cooed; he wooed the old man
said they could if they would. No
cards.
The duke of Albany gives most agree
able dinners in his suite of apartments
in Buckingham palace to literary and
artistic friends.
Louisiana sportsmen amuse them
selves and test their skill by bat-shoot-
ing matches, the winged mammals TAX
ing the place of pigeons.
They were speaking of miser, just
deceased. "Did he leave anything p
asked Smith. He had to-" was the
laconic answer of Fogg .-BoSton Tran-
script
A young lady graduate may in after
wears forget the title of her essay, but
She will always remember how her
white dress was made and trimmed.
A fashion item says: "A polonalse
for dinner is cut square" We want no
polonaise for dinner, no matter how IT
is cut. We'd just as soon eat prin-
cess overskirt on toast.
Papa, they don't have any stone in
ireland, do they?" asked a little boy
the other day. Eyes, my boy; but
why do you ask such a question:
Because thought it was all sham
rock over there"
The lumber resources of Washington
Territory are very great. The average
size Of the full grown fir is six feet in
diameter, while many of the trees are
500 feet high, and one tree alone has
produced 10000 feet of lumber.
First Swell: "Does it seriously make
no difference to you whether or not
you have thirteen at a table?' Second
Swell: why, yes, all the difference
in the world, especially if there is only
enough on the table for twelve"
The international pigeon race was
flown on Saturday from different parts
of the United states and Canada, the
distance to their homes being $50
miles; the winners made that distance
at the rate of mile i'll two minutes.
THE public has lost its interest in the
Christiancy scandal, but the litigants
and lawyers are still at work. Counsel
for the defense proposes TO " rip-up
the statesman's character, and show
that he has been bad man both in
this country and in Peru.
Rubber-soled shoes for bicycle riders
are now made. Bicycle hats may soon
be expected. They will be large
| enough to carry feather pillow in the
crown When these are followed by
| hair-mattress overcoats bicycling will
be comparatively safe.
A young man who had begun telling
spinster what kind of tea he liked
best, said. II have loved Oo-long.'
The maiden turned scarlet and de-
clared that she would not be made the
subject of puns at this age of life.
Just now the women load THEN
dresses down with beads. Next year it
may be the fashion to wear from thirty
to eighty cow-bells. Nothing is too ro-
mantle for woman to adopt.
Black walnut timber is becoming so
scarce at the west that furniture manu-
facturers are experiencing much trou-
| BILE. There is great competition to OBJ
tain supplies, and the price has ad-
vanced $l2 q thousand during the past
year.
A /" Rational Dress Society has been
| formed in London, the object of which
is to promote independence in select
ing costumes, according to the taste
and convenience of individuals, it'll
out regard to prevailing fashions.
The house fly can only be seen a dis
lance of thirty Eight feet, but that
never bothers him any. He always
manages to keep within thirty-seven
feet of everything Detroit Free Press
The paynaster of the Cincinnati
Southern railroad Systematically held
back the employees wages, and then
lent them money on his own account at
usurious interest. But the business
did not Jay, for it caused him to lose
his place
Tommy went fishing the other day
without permission of his mother.
Next morning neighbours son met
him, and asked; odd you catch any
thing yesterday, Tommy" Not till |
got home" was the rather sad response.
A political economist found poor
fellow who had been arrained for steal
ing sheep, and looking at him with u
pidful glance said philosopnically,
"You ought to have known that to de-
liberately steal sheep is a great crime
which there is no earthly necessity to
perpetrate Why didn't you buy the
sheep and not pay for itY That would
have simplifed matters and saved you
from prison"
A landlady went to market as usual
one morning and encountered the new
clerk, an Irishman, who had been REQ
commended for his intelligence in MAX
ing bargains. CHOW are eggs to.dayp
Scarce, mum, but betther than ivor"
II mean how much are they a dozen"
Fifty cents, said Pat, tanning him
self with a bunch of radishes. Fifty
centsl why | can get them anywhere
for TWENTY-FIVE cents" "It's wrong We
are there, num-" mildly demonstrated
the insinuating Mllesian; "thim's phat
we call extra eggs. There n brace OF
foine chickens in livery wan O thin"
A quick answer is like the sharp cut
of whip. you are no gentleman,
sir" said an irate individual to the per-
son next to him. care you a gentle
man YOURSELF" was the sneering inqui-
ry. ~ am, sir, was the reply, in a
tone which Implied duel if any ioubt
was express d. "Then you are quite
right in saying that am not one" re.
torted the party of the second part,
neither 10 wish to become one"
The potatoe bug must hide his dim
inished head before the approach of
the Groceries Aparagi. This is his
swell name. When he is at home in
his shirt sleeves he allows folks to call
him asparagus beetle. He is warranted
to withstand the ravages of heat and
cold, rain, frost and snow, and attends to
business with unfaling regularity and
on easy terms to large and small pur-
chasers. He comes dressed in black,
red and yellow, like a foreign prince or
a circus clown, and fattens on Parls
green and pizens of all kinds.
Keep Cool.
"The horse that frets is the horse
a.