The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-01-27
TICKLING TRIPLES.

A new sign in u Springfield, ILL.,,
sampe-room reads: Thomas and
Jerry are now ripe"
The Signal Service observer on the
top of Pixies Peak holds the highest
Office in the gift Of the nation.
Holding Cabinet appointment is
good deal like living bees gratuitously
for your neighbors, without anything
to protect you against their stings,
MARY Jane, have you given the
gold fish fresh watcr?' -"No, ma'am.
WHAT'S the use? They hay'n't drank
up what's in there yet"
1t is said that "a young man of socie-
ty," out making call, may wear two
watches, and yet not know when it is
time to go.
A Scientific man says that he can
lind no trace of man in the monkey,
but finds abundant traces Of the
monkey in man.
A Lawyer in q foreclosure case, in
summing up, said: May it please the
court, second thoughts are often the
best, but il is never SO with mortgages
"You were not at poor Maurice's
funeralP "No, | was not there. ~
You did not treat him well. n-'Bah!
he will not come to mine, 50 we are
quits"
"Have you got the rent ready at
laStP' mo, sir; mothers gone out
washing, and forgot to put it out for
YOU" 'Dd she tell you she'd forgot
ten?' 'YeS, SIR
Brc-a-bac. There" said charm
ING lady, with naive expression, that
made her face radiant, pointing to an
ebony case Of chinaware, "that is my
brick-bat cabinet"
Sagey. "A may may object to wear
ing buttonhole bouquets. but it's aston
ishing with what fortitude he goes
through the ordeal of having one pinn-
ed on if the donor happens to be young
and pretty.
Better late then never will do
very well when applied to a legacy left
by some sturdy old uncle whom YOU
had expected to outlive you, but 'better
never than late" should he your motto
in catching a train.
Cool enough.-"We don't want any
ice this season. said rich man to the
ice man, Some ofmy own and Of my
wife's relations are staying with us, and
a GOODNESS has sprung up between them,
which beats any ice-house,"
81 say, Glenn" cried two disputinr
darkies, appealing for decision to
sable umpire, (Which word is right
dizactly or dezactlym The sable UNI
pire reflected a moment, and then with
a look of wisdom, said: II can't tell
perzactly."
"Well, Mrs Flanagan, what does the
doctor say about your husbands deaf
ness?' "Bedad! the doctor says he will
never hear again, but (whispers) place
don't spake loud for it might make him
fale loike he was depressed. - GaireS-
ton NeUS.
An English seryant-girl who had re-
turned from the United States to visit
hcr tflenuS NJ nome was tOlu tnat she
'looked really aristocratic,n to which
she responded funnily, YES; in Amer
lea all of us domestics belong to the
hire class
The Cleveland Herald having pub
lished some verses entitled, "Why DO |
Sing?" and written by II young woman,
the Chicago Tribune rejoins that it is
probably because her father paid five
hundred dollars to music teacher for
spelling good stocking darner
The prosecuting witness in one of the
eases before the Galveston Recorder
yesterday had u lump over his eye as
biz as an egg plant, which was caused
by Jim Webster throwing Il lump of
coal at him without the slightest provoca-
ton. II don't see as there is a single
mitigating circumstance said the Re-
corder. why, jedge, you has ober-
looked one OBJ de mitigatinest circum-
stances in de world. | only hit him
wild II lump of soft coal. Don't yer call
that mtigatin, when could hab fotch-
ed him just as easy wild a lump of hard