, 1881-04-17

cautlon.''
~ Didn't he do otine,' said heto me, among
so nlauy tirst-ciass professionals, too:'
''s / never heard an amateur dO 50 well IN
public said /, and what's more I meant it,
eh9 DON'T you think was right?"
DIFFICULTIES OF AN ORATOR.
Brooklyn Eagle
"Now, my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopendyke,
as lie drew writing materials toward him.
snow, l want your wotnan's wit These
fellows insist that must respond to the
toast, Woman tomorrow night, and must
prepare few remarks. If we both go at it,
we'll get up something nice.''
"What YOU want" argued Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, entering into the spirit Of the under
taking, and tapping her teeth with her
thilnble. "what you want is woman in her
various phases.''
"What want is Speech" retorted Mr..
Spoopendyke. ''They haven't put me down
for panorama. want a short address, full
Of good points and pleasant things about the
ladies' Now i shall begin, 'Fellow-citi-
zens-'"
"But women amt tfellow-citizens. Ishould
say"
s. You'd say, fellow back hair,' that's
what you'd say. Pm addressing the people,
and they're all men; don't you see? I've
got to commence somewhere, and then / 20
OIL. Now, Fcllow-citizens. regarding
women, our origin, our companions, our
postcrity, our mothers, our wives. and our
daughters, what more can we say than that
tsy ydssdne sXs uS }HEf Hows sfS at i ''D anu s00te
- Is that the same woman?:'' asked Mrs.
Spoopendyke, bending over the table. F." 1t
don't strike nle that She would care to have
it put in that way: Why, not say: Fellow
;" What's the matter with you ?'' demanded
Mr. Spoopendylie. IS Eve got to open with
sentiment, and you can't find ANYTHING
more graceful than that. Then will 90 on: ::
She rises in the cradle, reaches; her
t!ood Of dew at the grave.' Can you grasp
that >"
II don't like that as we'll as the other" re-
mollstrated Mrs. Spoopendyke- "fon make
her {, mother while shes !. baby. and as for
the grave part. you don't stop to think that
ried again. would say something like this:
'FelloW-citizenS, we are assein--'
*'No, l WON'T either. Who's going. to get
married again? Can't you see that I'm only
ionship, and Dosterity: Rising III the cradle
Suppose l say next: we revere her as
mother, adore lier as wife, and-and, say,
what do we TO for her rs daughter ~
''WelI, you Nigh: say, We dress; her, and
'spank her! dod gast it! Spank her! Why
don't you say spank her? howied Mr.
Spoopendyke;; CANT yoN think Of sonle-
mothers and adore onr wives, and | want
something for the daughter: can'tyou orIgi-
eproyldea home for her. Wouldn't-??''
dyke. 'That's Il se he idea! That likes It Il
All you want now is two prolonged laugh!
tiers, four continued applauses.' one zen:
ttnsiasn,,' and n voice = to be an Grafton!
.Felox citizens; we furnisl 'o her eEt;1sna with
We revere hsr as mother, we adore her rs
wife, and as daughter, we change the sheets
once Il week! Fellow citizens, we pass her
the gravy! Fellow citizensn.,,' yelled Mr.
Spoopsndyke gestiGfnIatS ke y i'osis. sSe
wants her beef rare, we give it to her! Eel,
low citizens we give her all the dod gasted
butter she cali paste OH her bread!, Is that
what you want me to say: Expect Pm going
to stand around and make neasly ass of
we're her! Fellow citizens. as wife we adore
her! Fellow citizens, to help man get up 4
speech she's the dud slanadest donkey that
ever raised a fanily!' wa!l-h-ll-h," sllrieked
Mr: spoopendyke, purple y the face. "got
e1oquence o'' and the worthy gentleman
leaned back III his chair speechless.
''Couldn't you leave her ont altoget1ler?'
recommended Mrs. Spoopendyke. Can't
you just revere her rs mother and adore her
Us wife? As for the daughter. you might
pass it over with saying, 'Fellow-citizens,
We are assem-"
Yes, or | can cut her throat!" "proclaimed
Mr.. SpUopetdyke. - I can take her to the
pound! can salt her down for winter ase!
Dod g;lst the speecll!" and Mr. Spoopenlyke
danced on the fragments Of his notes. TO
morrow night I'll answer that toast by telling
what Il dod-gastctt old mule you'd make Of
any man that would listen to yon," and 3lr:
Spoopendyke banged himself into the bed
like beer spigut, and went to steep.
Well,' thought Mrs. Spoopendyke, as
SHE took dow nflcr hair and put it up again,
II don't see willy he couldn't say, Fellow
citizens we are assembled here to say some
thing poctical about women, and the best |
can say is, we show her when we don't al
way, love her. and we love her when we
don't always show it, That's sensible, md
it's so." sighed Mrs. .Spoopendykc, falling
over her husbands boots, and then the good
woman opened the window OIL ller spOuse'S
side of the bcd and sticking 4 few pins in
tile pillow in case she should want them in
the night she went prayerfully to sleep.