Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1881-08-18
SIT DOWN, SAD SOUL, AND SING.

If smoker were to chew up his cigar
and swallow it, that would be cigarette,
wouldn't it!
A lady friend (unmarried) says: "Where
ignorance is bliss It's folly to be wives. y
Boston Transcript.
When man pays the biggest tax of any,
body in town it's an Indication that he ism t
shrewd. -[Boston Post.
Little Johnny-toy pistol bib boom !.
doctor-lock jaw-under the willows
pistol carefully laid aside for the next.
Detroit Free Press.
"I'll feed my boarders on the fat of the
land" observed Mrs. Stuffem, as she re-
ceipted for tub of oleomargarine. Il New
York Commercial Advertiser.
Considering that this is the nineteenth
century, Guitteau's punishment has al
ready begun. They will not let him read
the papers. IL Philadelphia News.
The giraffe is very timid animal. His
neck is SO long that when his heart comes
into his mouth it takes him half a day to
geti back where it belongs. -[Peck's Sun.
A Buffalo girl never has her wedding
dress made in that city, for fear that
somebody will say that she was married in
buffalo robe Boston Commercial Bull
letin.
81 shan't be gone long" said Fogg, as
he started out the other evening to go to
the "lodge = "Ill be right back" "See
that you come back right, also" replied
Mrs. F., significantly.
Some one recently remarks that there is
| l.. l,-,,, IN az
than in winter. That, of course, Is be-
cause some of the staff ia off lying around
at the seashore. Lowell Citizen.
In Britain's doctor named Playfair,
A very agreeable dayfsir,
Who does what he can
That his fellow
May never from sickness sayfair.
boston Transcript.
"What shall l tell people who ask
whether you are engaged ?" said a young
lady at the dinner table to somewhat
eccentric theological student at Andover.
"Tell them that you don't know, was the
| reply. -[Congregationalist
A person overheard two countrymen,
who were observing naturalist IN the
field collecting insects, say to one another
"What's that fellow doing, John ?" "Why,
he's a naturalist" whats that p
"Why, one who catches gnats, to be sure. u
The grasshopper is some pumpkins when
rail fence is to be eaten, but the army
worm has the boss appetite. He begins
eating at daylight and never stops until
| bedtime, and he wouldn't knock Oft then
except to see the comet. Detroit Free
Press.
"Where is the island of Java situated p
asked an Austin school teacher of small,
rather forlorn-looking boy. &C ] dunno,
SIR" Don't you know where coffee :ee
comes FROM" eyes, sir; we borrow it
ready parched from the nextdoor neigh
Dor. - Texas Siftings.
An apprentice boy who had not pleased
his employer one day came in for chas.
tisement, during the administration OF
which his master exclaimed: "How long
will you serve the devil ?" The boy re-
piled, whimpering "You know best, sir
l believe my indenture will be out in three
months"
A tramp with his arm in sling called
on Gilhooley for a quarter, alleging that
his arm had been injured in the recent
railroad accident near San Antonio. But
| yesterday yOu Ddu VIC pblSA oiiA IA -
sling" replied Gilhooley. "Well, sup.
posin' had. Don't you think fellar's
arm gets tired of being tied up all day
Beside, l have got conclusion OF the brain
and can't remember half the time which
arm was broken. '-[Texas Siftings.
1t is painful to listen to a perpetual slut.
terer, yet the following incident must have
been amusing. A gentleman with an i'm.
pediment in his speech called waiter in
restaurant, We.w.waiter, gi.give me
s.s-some r.roast b-b-beef. The waiter
stammered in reply, "W-w-we amt
g.g-got a. any," The gentleman was highly
enraged, thinking the waiter was mockine
him, and sprang up, intending to knock
him down, when third person arrested
his arm and cried, "Dd-d-o-n't st-t-trike
him he st-t-tutters, SESAME as we DIDO
do-do.'