The Portland daily press., 1881-05-21
THE PRESS.
californian
The Parish Primaries.
RY SAM DAVIS.

ness, and hatred OF polltlcS winch amount
ed to a mania.
To his theological mind election day was
a dreadful visitation of hell. and he would
as soon have thought of clipping with the
leading soprano of his choir as of exercising
his rights as an American citizen and voting
even at the county election for school
trustee.
With all these peculiariarities of early ed
ueation and training, the old gentleman was
thoroughly honest in his views, and did not
hesitate to openly proclaim them from the
pulpit Still, his blunt remarks on these
subjects did not in the least offend those of
his congregation who held different views.
Other agencies were at work, however,
which made him unpopular with parish
over which he had presided for fully fifteen
years.
Rev. Mr.. Ellis had somehow got to be too
commonplace for Newhall. His flock began
to get weary of his discourses, although not
one IN twenty could have repeated a single
one of his texts, of which he had thirty.
To them the bread of life which he had ad-
minstered that he might keep his own lar
der stocked, began to have moldy smell.
In short, it was time that a fresh hand was
at the helm.
A number of busy-bodies who had deter
mined on his going, set about undermining
HIS CudTdCltT Ill Tic lUDSb uuSiutSo-llhc Ilill-
ner possible.
One day he performed the funeral rites
for poor outcast woman, and went so far
as to express the opinion, as he stood over
her coffin, that beneath the sheltering arms
of Christ there was still room for the
soul of the departed. This expression of
confidence in the infinite forgiveness of God
went through half dozen mouths, and
presently passed current to the effect that
the Rector considered the out-cast a good
deal more likely to be saved than a large ma
jority of women in his own parish. So the
wretched mongcrs OF scandal mined and
sapped the character of the poor man until
the whole structure was ready to fall to
pieces at touch, While pouring hot shot
at the world, the flesh, and the devil, he lit
tie realized that his worst enemies were in
his own camp.
1t was determined at the annual Easter
election to request Mr.. Ellis to resign.
There happened to live in the town of
Newhall politician named Seth Johnson,
by common consent called BOSS john
son." by reason of his generally acknowl-
edged ability to connubiate in politics and
successfully conduct the ceremonies incl
dental to the primary elections. His "slate
factory" was an establishment which in
spired respect, and the wares he turned out,
either for city or country purposes, were
hard to smash"
johnson had habit of keeping an eye
and earsopen to the drift of passing events,
and the job to GUST the Rector of st. Paul s
had not escaped his notice. Like the Meter
Moss of stage tradition, he loved to be able
to spoil somebody's little game. The idea
of taking an active hand in church election
had novelty about it that pleased johnson
nightly, and he rubbed his hands together
49, = f<@Ee 4,
Mar county election would not come off for
year yet, and he must do something to
keep his baud in.
Having made up his mind, he proceeded
Immediately to business, according to his
usual custom, and went straight to the Rec
tors studio. When Rev. Mr.: Ellis opened
his door in response to the ring, and saw
the hardened and disreputable politician, he
was at first overcome with establishment,
but recovered sufficiently to invite him in,
supposing that perhaps a funeral was on
tapis. There was probably no man in the
town toward whom the Rector of st. Pauls
than Boss johnson, not realizing that politi-
clans, like preachers, are apt to be foully
slandered and that regulations are more ar
tifcial than real
After opening the ball with a few prelm-
mary remarks on the prospect of rain before
morning, the "Boss" proceeded directly to
the business in hand.
''Mr. Ellis, l think some of joining your
church, and as l am not acquainted with
the organization, thought I'd just step in
and gather some information on the sub
ject."
The Rector was almost dazed by the frank
and outspoken utterance of Mr.. johnson.
1.-THE door of the tabernacle is always
open, and the vilest sinner may enter"
"You will understand, perhaps, that
haven't been much of a religious man of late
years, but have family. My wife likes
your church, and / want to send my little
girls to Sunday-school.
"a very commendable procedure, Mr..
johnson, am sure. The church alone can
furnish them with the consolation of true
religion"
MY idea exactly. Now, if join your
party-that is, your church-and subscribe
to the constitution and bylaws, will that
make me eligible?'
do you wish to pecome full member by
the rites of baptism and confrmation?''
Don't you let a man come in on trial for
year or sC-let him sort O. feel his way?
Can't just take pew and listen to the ser
mons? Can't | vote at the church elections
unless hold all the degrees?"
"Ah, in that case any man who pays his
pew rent can vote at the Easter election"
at this information the eye of the Boss
frightened, and he began to see his way
ahead.
81 don't want to do things with rush,
Mr.. Ellis. I'll just take a pew for starter,
and go little slow at first until / get conf
dence in the game. Thatll do me for the
first year. Eve always been in the habit of
having little something to say in the man
agement of any organization Pm connected
with. l like to feel that have hand-a
little of the say So as it were.''
II am glad to see you take such a COM
mendable interest in the affairs of the par
ish. never like to see men lukewarm in
the service
perhaps can induce some more of the
boys to join the ranks. Just let me know
the charges on some of your second class
pews. Well put up with few back seats
for spell. We don't want to crowd our
selves to the front, you know"
People are not obliged to pay for the
lower pews at all, but any contributions will
be acceptable"
"All these contributors vote at the regular
election, Mr.. Ellis?'
'All vote who wish, Mr.. Johnson"
when do the primaries come Off"
ssEh?''
''That is, the election?'
sin two weeks. 1t is only formality.
OF course there is no opposition. 1 am elect.
ed year after year by unanimous vote. We
have none of the fierce, and may say, I'M
seemly, struggles which characterize your
political elections. Heaven forbid that the
church should ever be disgraced by such un.
christian strife. The inscriptions conuu-
biations of worldly politics never find foot
ing in the tabernacle of the Lord.'
The Boss smiled broad and continuous
smile at this speech. and put down a ten
dollar piece for his pew, after which he babe
his new spiritual guide good evening, and
as he left was shaken warmly by the hand.
Inside of half an hour, Boss johnson was
closeted with half dozen of his political
henchmen in the private card-room of Jacks
Exchange, and there outlined his plan to
his astonished listeners for capturing the
election of st. PauPs Church, and running
the parochial machinery ''their way" The
shout of laughter which greeted the propo-
sal can well be imagined. The idea tickled
the fancies of the men immensely
Don't let's bother with the election, Boss.
Turn loose the sack, and buy up majority
of the vestry; that's the business" said one
of the group, to whom johnson always en-
trusted the placing of money where it's fruits
would assume tangible shane.
mo corruption, Billy. This is church
election, and the vestry come high-awful
high.'
1t was finally decided that twenty men