The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-01-19
WIT AND HUMOR.

If a chap is "too lazy to walk" how
is it that so many indolent fellows
run into temptations
AnIrish sailor visited a city, where,
ne said, they copper Dottomed the
tops of the houses with sheet lead.
An English professor Of Waiting
says that the best rule is "spring and
glide" Puck advises Practice on an
orange-peel.
This is the latest for wedding invi-
tations, "Come round and see us cap
ture a mother-in-law, at eight o'clock
sharp"
at is not the truth in her remarks"
said suffering husband, pointing to
his wife, that aggravates me, but it
is the crushing quantity of remarks
that she puts in her truth"
They were at dinncr-party, and he
remarked that he supposed she was
fond of ethnology. She said she was,
but she was not very well, and the
doctor had told her not to eat anything
for dessert but oranges.
go" said a lady recently to a mer-
chant, "youTpretty daughter has mar
ried rich husbandY" "Well," slowly
replied the father, IL believe she has
married a rich man, but / understand
he is very poor husband"
"Darling,". she whispered, as he
bent his ears back to catch her tender
cccents, won't YOU please 90 buy some
of that elegant lace in the dry goods
window for me!" eyes, my ownest,"
he murmured. lie went by it all and
never stopped-thc untecllng wretch!
"a stranger passing graveyard,
and seeing a hearse standing hard by,
inquired who was dead. The sexton
informed him. "What complaintT
asked the inquisitive one. Said the
old man "There is no complaint;
everybody is satisfied"
A company Of scapeeraces meeting
a pious old man named Samson, one OF
them exclaimed, "Ah, now we're safe!
Wen take Samson along with us and,
then, should we be set upon by
thousand Philistines, he'll Stay them
allw "My young friend" quietly
responded the old man, "to do that |
should have to borrow your jaw
boneW
A physician, heavily loaded with
town-ots, for which he had paid only
in part, hastily prescribed a box of
pills for patient, and allowed his
mind to wander back to his real es-
tate. The patient asked how the pills
were to be taken. The doctor replied:
Gone third down, and the rest in SIX
and twelve months, with interest"
"You had better change that rug"
said a lady to her servant, "Domt
YOU think it corroborates with the
carpet in this way?" was the response.
1t was the same girl who told her mis-
tress that a gentleman with predic-
amcnt in his speech had called to see
hcr.-Andretc'S queen.
They begged him to play little.
He seemed to feel bashful at first, but
after a while began to play vigorous
ly. w HdI poNcl' SAW iloVNi,.A "
the owner Of the piano. "les," eX-
claimed the latter in alarm, che seems
to have considerable muscle but he
ought to know that this isn't gym
nasium."
What is more beautiful than the
simple, guilelcss faith of little child
The other Sunday certain maiden OF
tender years was overheard by hel
mother singing in tones both loud and
sweet, and with vigor born OF IA pain
of lungs in magnificent working or
der that charming ballad, wv hoa
Emmap Instantly flashed into the
mind of the mother, what will the
neighbors say when they hear my
child singing that horrid heather
song?' So, quickly calling the little
one to her, she said, "My darling, il is
Sunday, and it is naughty to sing
whoa, Emma to-day. Can't yol
sing something eIse" Eyes, mamma
Iii change the words" and once more
the tunetul voice rang out with the
air the same, but the words changed
to "Whoa, JCsusp