Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1881-01-13
Senator WalIaco's Discovery.

The Democratic party has a mission
We wouldn't have believed it if we were
not so assured by Senator William A.
Wallace, who has made this remarka
bic discovery, and announces it through
the columns of the North AnaericGn Re,
VieaO at 500 a page.
What does q cruel world fancy the
mission of the Democratic party to beg
Perhaps million guesses might be
made without hitting it. We can easily
imagine how some might guess its mis-
sion to be to make the North solidly
Republican, to keep the South in an
uproar, to defeat the operation OF the
Constitutional amendments, to keep
John Kelly at the head of Tammany, to
pass resolutions extolling the virtues of
Tilden, to elect Myers, of Indiana,
70 Congress, to give Carter Harrison
something to talk about, to make the
yellow fever seem a comparatively
trivial iniiction, and so on ad infnitum
and ad nauseum: but no sane man
would ever hit upon the truth, accord
ing to Wallace, unless aided by spiritual
agency.
The mission of the Democratic party,
rs we are told by Mr.. Wallace, is to
save suffrage from being "debased I"
and corrupted" and to "restore
the Government of the Republic to the
rule of the masses of the people"
That's what Wallace says, and,
though we may shut one eye and wink
at that distinguished gentleman, and,
fguratiVely speaking, poke him in the
ribs and say, $50 away, you bad man,
you're joking with us" Wallace main
tains his serious aspect and looks for
all the world as if he didn't know he
was absurd.
Why, bless the Senatorial soul of
William Wallace! there wouldn't be
any Democratic party if suffrage were
not "debased" and was not g corrupted"
and tampered with! A dot on the pO-
!itical chart that might often be mis-
taken for a fly speck would be the
body, breeches, and brains of Democ-
racy if suffrage were as free and un-
trameled as William Wallace would
make ii. Mr.. Wallace occupies the
anomalous position of preaching Re-
publicanism and voting Democracy.
He is a political exhorter, who cries,
"Swear not at all, and then goes out
and damns the whole continent.
He is a veterinary surgeon who de-
scants upon the deadly nature of the
glanders, and goes about inoculating the
whole equine creation with the disease.
"Save those people from going over
the RAPIDS, screamed a noble hearted
philanthropist, "and particularly save
the man with the red head. He owes
me dollar"
"Save the glorious ship of state"
roars Wallace, "and especially the
men in the stern of the boat, who are
boring holes in the bottom and hurrah-
ing for me"
Il is all wrong in Mr.. Wallace to write
q humorous essay and attempt to palm
it off as a kind of modern psalm. With
tissue ballots and the counting OUT
process in the South, and Philips Chi
nese letter and Barnums mules in the
North all so fresh in our memories, Mr..
Wallace can hardly expect us to accept
his essay seriously. We know he must
be giggling merrily in front, in spite of
the solemnity of that portion of his
anatomy exposed to us, and to which
he so ungraciously calls public atten-
tion in his article Chicago Inter-
Ocp09l