St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-08-12
A short Sermon About Matri-
mOny.
DEDICATED TO YOUNG WOMEN WHO
WANT HUSBANDS.

this little sermon, because it will have
no interest for you.
Men will shut their ears if they have
a spark of delicacy, for every word of
this is pirate and confidential.
YOU WANT HUSBANDS.
Don't deny it; it is silly. 1t is like
the earnest declaration of the mother
who is managing her daughters
through Saratoga, Newport and an end
less round of parties, but who con-
stantly declares in the most earnest
way, that she has no more girls than
she wants, that she could not consent
/ to lose one of them, and who, at length,
when pressed to part with dear Arabel-
la. gives a reluctant and painful assent,
and who may he seen on the wedding
day penetrated with inconsOlable grief
at parting with that dear child. Girls,
don't join i'll this farce. You want hus-
bands. You think of them by day and
dream of them by night. You talk of
little else Think on and dream on.
Even if you never get them 1t will
make you better and nobler to think
about them. On our side of the house
we are all thinking and dreaming of
you, and, although we may never mar
nv, our hearts will be warmer and purer
for having been filed with thoughts OF
you.
WHY MEN Do NOT PROPOSE.
In entering upon this most important
and delightful relation, we men are ex-
pected to take the overt initiative.
You are perplexed and grieved that so
many of us hold back, and wander
about, homeless bachelors, all our lives,
leaving you to die old maids. Let me
whisper in your ear. We are afraid OF
yOu!
As am out of the matrimonial mar
lIet | will let my friend Robert, who is
in said market, explain. Robert is a
splendid fellow, and anxious to have Il
home of his own. He declared i'll my
parlor the other evening that he would
prefer ten years of happy married life
to fifty years of unmarried.
Ny wife said: "Well, Robert, if You
cannot find a wife, you had better give
il commission to some one who can"
With a flushed face, he replied:
"See here, Mrs. Lewis /; | am bank
er my salary is two thousand dollars.
/ cannot marry scrub. | must marry
a wife of culture and refinement. My
mother and sisters, to say nothing of
myself, would break their hearts if my
choice were below their idea. Just tell
me hOw-with such wife-l could
pull through on two thousand a year
Why, her dress alone would cost hall
of it. Board for the two would cost at
least fifty dollars a week, and even
with that, yOu know, we should not
have first-class board. And then come
the extras little trips, the lectures,
the concerts, the opera, etc. one can
not live in society without a little OF
such things.
ooh, no, unless | first make up my
mind to rob the bank, cannot think
of matrimOny. If | had five thousand
Il year | would venture but with two
thousand, well, | am not quite a mad
man, and so stay where | can pay my
debts. My lady friends think | am SC
much in love with the-Club that
have no time for them. One of them
said to me the other day, when we
were discussing this matter:
"Why, what you spend in that mis-
cradle club would easily support a
wife"
'''It wouldn't pay for her bonnets,
| replied"
Now, ladies, Robert is eXtravagant
|, so we will let him retire, and | will &c
on with my little sermon. | do not
often preach, but in this case, nothing
but Il sermon will do.
BEAUTY OF woMAN's BODY.
Firstly. You are perfect idiots to &c
on in this way. Your bodies are the
GnJ'c cpaatinn In
the continental galleries | constantly
saw groups of people gathered about
the pictures of women. 1t was not
passion the gazers were quite as likely
to be women as men. 1t was the won
drous beauty of wOman's body.
Now stand with me at my office win
dow and see lady pass. There goes
one Now isn't she a pretty looking
, object A big hump, three big Jumps
, a wilderness of crimps and frills, 4
) hauling up of the dress here and there
an enormous, hideous mass of false
= hair or bark piled on the top of hel
head, and on the very top of that, {
little nondescript thing, OrnamenteC
= with bits of lace, birds tails, etc.
: while the shop windows tell lis of the
? paddings, whalebOnes, and spring,
which occupy most of the space within
| that outer rig. In the name of all the
l simple, sweet sentiments which cluster
about a home, | would ask how MAJ
? is to fall in love with such IA compound
: doubled and twisted, starched, conf
: cal, artificial, tOuch-me-nOt, wigglins
curiosity.
, A small waist! | am Psychologist
and know what Il small waist means
! 1t means the organs of the abdomen
. jammed down into the pelvis it mean!
the organs of the chest stuffed into tn,
throat it means a weak back it means
delicate, nervous invalid it means
suffering patient, and not a vigorous
I helpmate. Thousands of men dare no
venture, because they wisely fear that
: instead of Il helpmate, they will get III
invalid to take care of. Besides this
1 bad health in you, Just as in men
? makes the mind, as well as the body
weak and effeminate. You have NJ
power, no magnetism. | know YOU
= giggle freely, and use big words, sucl
2 as splendid" awful" etc. but thi
. does not deceive us we see through
= all that. The fact is, you are superb
cial, affected and silly. You have none
| of that womanly strength and warmth
which are so assuring and attractive t.
: men.
| Why, you have actually become :,
childish that you refuse to wear decen
names, and insist upon little bah,
. ones. Instead of Helen, Margaret anC
Elizabeth, you affect Nellie, Maggie an'
t Lizzie. When your brothers were ba
bies, you called them BObbie, Dicki,
, and Johnnie; but when they grow NJ
: to manhood, they would have no NOR,