Middletown transcript., 1881-07-22
CHIPS.


slipper. - Webster Times.
Who has better right to talk than a
woman and who enjoys it more ?-Kdn-
saS City Times.
Nobody in the world is happier than
a man going to picnic with bor-
rowed Saltwater Ltnlbernean.
When a thief steals five cents he don't
think half the dime that some day per
haps old nickle gethim.- Wt and Vas
dom.
"All things come to him who waits, "
but quarter judiciously bestowed on a
waiter will hurry up things. .-Netr Or
leans Pecdgne.
1t puts mans heart in a f1utter
To hear his best girl softly mutter,
When to her VOWS of love he would stutter,
'Oh, think you're so utterly utter !'-Bdt-
tfmore Every Saturday.
When man marries he should change
his religion to suit his wife, and when
woman marries, she should change her
politics to suit her husband.-W White
hall Times.
At Deadwood theatre an obnoxious
actor is never hissed. A critical per-
son in the audience shoots him on the
spot, and lets it go at that.-NorriS-
torn Herald
In Rome the lire is in great demand.
: Y0nkerS Gazette. 1t is not so how
ever in this country, the demand is
more than met by the supply.-Steu-
benrille Herald.
An Irish gentleman, with that pecu-
liar perspicuity of statement character
istic of his race, says the chief pleasure
in kissing a pretty girl is when she
won't let you.-BostOn Transcript.
General Brady has retained as his
counsel in the coming star route prose
cution Ben Butler and Bob Ingersol.
He would also have retained the devil,
but it was deemed unnecessary Peck's
Sun.
An Alfred street girl whose name is
Sophronia has been nicknamed I" Phone"
by her lover. He did it in order to
beat the Telephone Exchange. He can
tell Phone his love every night without
charge.-ChGf.
The &C Dress Reform Society" of Lon
don states that it will advocate {" du-
al skirt for each limb" We feel re-
lieved We were afraid that they pro-
posed to star route the question, and
advocate sixteen skirts for each limb
Pbild. Sun.
A woman may be stung by curiosity,
struck by an idea, knocked down by an
argument, or smothered with delight,
yet she never suffers the agony that
she experiences when rivals new silk
dress has longer trail than her own.-
Whitehall Times.
Oliver Wendell Holmes calls the COM
ct he. Who ever heard Of he wear.
ing a nucleus, coma and an envelope,
and wearing his hair banged ? The
comet is heavenly body, therefore q
she Photographs exchanged.-Neu
York Commercial.
"Does it pay to keep a clean record
in politics ?'' asks The Binghamtor
Republican. 1t may pay; but man
has to economic like the very ancient
Harry to save twenty-five thousand dol.
lars year out Of salary of five thou.
sand -NorriStOWn Herald.
A dash Of silver brightens a black
costume with exquisite effect. = YOn.
kers Gazette. 1t does wonderfully
Just dash a silver dollar into your col
ored walters hand and see how it will
brighten him up as well as increase the
size Of the strawberries and the tender
ness of the steak.-BOStOn Commercial
Bulletin.
All, now we shall begin to read OF
the murmuring sea, of the silent sea, OF
the moonlit sea, Of the restless sea, Of
the unruffled sea, and all that nerve
soothing panacea. It is pleasant. yes
it is delightful, but it means four dol
lars day and everything "extra
Do not be beguiled by it.-Ne,c Hdren
Register.
"Your visits remind me Of the growth
of a successful newspaper" said Uncle
Jabez, leaning his chin on his cane and
glancing at William Henry, who was
sweet on Angelica. "Why so RI in.
quired William Henry. "Well, they
commenced as a weekly, grew to be tri-
weekly, and have now become daily
with a Sunday supplement- Eerated
RaiI,0ay Journal.
An exchange says: a patent at.
torney, of Philadelphia, named COnnol-
ly, has made very remarkable inven-
tion." When it gets SO that they patent
attornies, it is no wonder that this is
an expensive country to live in, Peo-
pie who complain at the excessive fees
of lawyers will now understand that
the royalty is what makes the thing
cost so.-BM Nye.
"Pa," quoth Sammie to his sire
"why don't you go west ~ Why DC
you ask my son ?'' Because, Bill Hig-
gins father went, and he struck ba
mana ~ A bonanza, you mean, Sam
+, mie p Well what's the difference p
why, when people strike a bonanza
it sets them up and when they strike q
banana it sets them down-and very
emphatically, too. p Yonkers Ga
zette.
AT the commencement exercises ot
one of the colleges this week, young
man was asked "What is love ?'' HI
thought a minute and then said: "It''
a sort of feeling that you don't wan
any other fellow going around will
her, That is perhaps as good def
milton as could be framed by commit
- of 1o1ya,.c Il, ,.ao,,,Ior CaCc;or,