The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-03-17
HUMOR OF THE DAY.

The Boston Bulletin notes the fact
that Cain was the first man who went
out staying.
Tho New Orleans Picaytme says that
man should bo the boss of himself.
But suppose the poor fellow is married?
Philadelphia Bmietio.
We don't Just sec why woman
should like her mirror better than a
man, for the man will fiAtter her and
the mirror won't. .-B0Ston Post
A printer from Leayenworth, Kansas,
has been robbed of over 81, 300 i'll Chi
cago. If one printer from Kansas is
worth 81 800, what's Leavenworth
A French chemist claims to be able to
create thunder-storms at pleasure, each
one having an area of six square miles.
He can raise Il big sensation next picnic
season.
Scene at q stable--Funny Freshman
Ito hostler, who is rubbing down his
horso): "Pat, [ am afraid you are curry
ing favor with that horse" Hostler;
Faith, no! I'm merely scrNpin an ac-
quaintance."
Keep that worlds fair as far away
from here rs possible. There are about
l4,000, 900 out -of-town relatives waiting
to sock il TO us for the time we have
spent in the country for the past twenty
years. --Ne,r York Dispatch.
a Chicago society offered last year II
! prize of one hundred dollars for the best
treatise on the question: " How best to
destroy rats" The prize has just been
! awarded to Doctor Burnett, of Philadel-.
! a,gy.nNaI. /. Ia.
number OF cats"
Montreal has II haunted house, in
which "the stove lids are lifted off the
stoves and sent flying through the air s"
II the owner of the haunted house takes
our advice he will buy his wife new
dress He may think he can always
/ dodge them, but some time one of those
hls will take him Oh top of the head
and scalp hiln.--Psch's San.
, Doctor" said one of our best young
men III society" doctor there is some
thing the matter with my brain; | know
there is. What shall | do about it? q
And the doctor calmly but firmly said
he guessed it needed little exercise as
much as anything else. And now the
best Young man goes around saying the
7 ubtlol - II lODl. -IItUhcVt.
4 New York firm sends us double
column "ad.' OF II new stenographic
pen, for the insertion Of which in tho
daily for three weeks, the firm agrees to
send us pen. No, thank you. We had
one autographic pen. just sold it to a
druggist for soda fountain Ii she
lets down soda as fast as she did the
ink, some man will be drowned at that
fountain before the middle OF June, and
don't you forget it HmckGye
1t was in the opera house. The tive
gentlemen We're nom the country. After
the curtain fell on the first act, one OF
them who had been reading the pro
gramme, said, in an excited manner
cts a blame swindle, Just got up to
take in strangers" WHATS q swim
dle?' "Here it says the next act is two
years later l wonder if they think We
are going to stay here, 'at - day, foI
two years, just to see the thing out 2
They went ont and saw the ticket man
about it.--1nStin Statesman.
"Ah, dear" sighed Miss Fitzoy, as sh,
yawned YEARLY, "there isn't anythin?
to occupy ones mind now. I've made
toilet cushions and tides and embroid-
cred slippers and painted majolica jugs
until I'm weary of life. / believe II
go down into the kitchen and watch
Jane make bread. / suppose 1 ought tc
know how many pints of yeast it takes
to loaf" And she penetrated tn,
business part of the house only to fine
out that bread was raised" from th
bakers cart,-Ne,c Haren Register