South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-09-30
w 1T A ND NOR.

tening to the preaching of the Apostle
Paul, fell asleep, and falling down,
was taken up dead: WHAT he said
do we learn from this solemn event?'
When the reply from little girl
came pat and prompt, please, sir,
ministers should learn not to preach
too long sermons
A gentleman, having engaged a
workman to make some repairs in his
cellar, ordered the ale to be removed
before he commenced bis work. oh.
am not afraid of a barrel of ale, sir!
said the man. Il presume not said
the gentleman, but L think a barrel
OF ale would run at your approach
When poor Irishman lay on his
deathbed, one of his friends came in
to express his sympathy. He took
the poor mans hand and said, with G.
vident emotion, pat, my boy, we
must all of US die once The sick
man turned over in disguised frame
of mind, and replied. That's just
what bothers me. If we could only
die half q dozen times, / wouldn't
worry about this
A kindly message: An Irishman
wrote thus to the wife of sick broth
er: IF jamie isn't dead yet, remind
him of the twenty shilling he owes me
on the pigs, and if he is, tell him not
to give himself any consurn about it
'Tm sorry to have it to say of wo-
man at her time of life, Mr.. Brudier-
~, but as we're talking confidentially
now, I'll confess my wife uses POWDER
Lucky man. innocently returned Mr..
b.; If Mrs Brudderly ever felt that
way toward me, she'd use dynamite
Let us play we were married, said
little Edith 'and | will bring my dol:
ly and say, See baby, papa Yes
replied Johnny; 'and l will say,
Don't bother me now, | want to look
through the paper Gil dren have
strange ideas of grown folks ways;
now, don't they?
An exchange publishes the success
ful paper for Il prise essay OH women
1t Is this: after man came woman.
and she has been after him ever
since
Although he did not like being told
he was no gentleman, George ", had
once, at least, while regent, forgotten
he was one. That was when he flung
q glass of wine in Colonel Hamlyn 5
face, with: 'Hamlyn, you are a black
guard!' The insulted officer could
not return the compliment without
committing something like treason; it
was out Of the question to challenge
the prince, while to let the insult pass
unnoticed was equally impossible
The colonel filed his glass and threw
the contents in the face of his neigh
bor saying: His royal highness' toast;
pass it onr 'Hamlyn, cried the re-
gent, you're capital fellow! Here's
your health!' And they were fast
friends from that evening.
Not long ago man came into n
Baltimore lawyers office in q state
eff great excitement, and asked him to
commence proceedings for divorce.
Mr. Dobbin heard him through, and
then said, 4 think l have something
that will exactly suit your case. Sit
still and | will read it to you
The man remained seated, all ear.
supposing he was to listen to Black.
stone or Kent, when Mr.. Dobbin be.
gan to read Betsy and / are Out
BY the time he had ended the mans
eyes were full of tears.
4 believe / will 90 home,' he said.
And he and hive wife has lived happily
ever since.-Editor's Drawer, in Har-
per's Magazine for October.
Ethel was overheard addressing her
doll as follows: Nov 90 dess stay
right there and look at 'em picters in
Dolden Days. 90 worries the life out'n
me and 90 don't seem to know the
Offence tween wash-day and any
nuder day. Sides tomorrow Is Sun
day and 90 must be gettin' ready to
be dood. Now tlss me-
Said Miss a to one Of her little
girls at Sunday school, What's the
meaning of good hdings?' They're
the things hung over the backs oil
rocking chairs. ma am replied the
four year old.
In publishing the acts of the Miss.
lssippi legislature recently, tie laws
got slightly mixed with parts of an
antl-Baptist book that was being set
up by the same printer. The follow.
ing was the result: BE it enacted by
the senate and house Of representa-
tives OF the State Of Mississippi, that
pap means to put under the water.
and TIE means 10 take out.
There Is a young lady in Kcoknlx
Iowa NLn i. -. 60 g. :.