Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-04-29
LADY PHYSICIANS.
Why it will Never Do to Call Them for a
Very Sick Man.
Peck'S Sun.

PeckS Suu.
A st. Louis doctor factory recently turned
out dozen female doctors. AS long as the
female doctors were confined to one or two
in the whole country, and those were only
experimental, we held our peace, and did
not complain but now that the colleges
are engaged in producing female doctors as
a business, we must protest, and IN so doing
will give few reasons why female doctors
will not prove paying branch OF industry.
In the first place, if they doctor anybody
it must be women, and three-fourth of the
women would rather have male doctor
Suppose those colleges turn out female
doctors until there are as many OF them as
there are male doctors, what have they got
to practice on? A man, if there was moth
ing the matter with him, might call IN
female doctor, but if he was sick as horse
(if man is sick he is sick as a horse), the
last thing he would have around would be
female doctor And why? Because, when
a man has female fumbling around him he
wants to feel well. He don't want to be
bilious or feverish, with his mouth tasting
like cheese, and his eyes blood-shot, when
the female is looking him over and taking
account of stock.
OF course, these female doctors are all
young and good-looking and if one of them
came into a sick room where man was III
bed, and he had chills, and was as cold as
wedge, and she should set up close to the
side of the bed and take hold of his hand,
his pulse would run up to hundred and
fifty, aud she would prescribe for a fever
when he had chilblains Oh, you can't fool
us on female doctors. A man who has been
sick, and had male doctors, knows just how
much he would like to have a female doctor
come tripping in and throw her fur-hned
cloak over chair, take off her hat and
gloves and throw them on lounge, and
come up to the bed with a pair of marine
blue eyes, with twinkle in the corner, and
look him in the wild, changeable eyes, and
ask him to run out his tongue. Suppose he
knew his tongue was coated 50 it looked
sike a yellow Turkish towel, do you sup
pose he would want to run out over five or
six inches of the lower part of it and let
that female doctor put her finger on it to
see how fur it was j.? Not much. He would
put that tongue up into his cheek, and
wouldn't let her see it for twenty-five cents
admission. We have all seen doctors put
their hands under the bed-clothes and feel of
a mans foot to see if they were cold. If a
female doctor should do that it would give a
man cramps in the legs. A male doctor can
and lungs, and ask him if he feels any pain
there, but if female doctor should do the
same thing it would make a man sick, and
he would want to get up and kick himself
for employing female doctor. Oh, there
Is no use talking, it would kill man.
Now, suppose a man has heart disease
and a female doctor should want to listen to
the beating of his heart She would lay
her left ear on his left breast, so her eyes
and rosebud mouth would be looking right
in his face, and her wavy hair would be
scattered all around there, getting tangled in
the buttons of his night shirt. Don't you
suppose his heart would get in about twenty
extra beats to the minute? You bet! And
she would smile-we will bet ten dollars she
would smile-and show her pearly teeth,
and the ripe lips would be working as
though she were counting the beats, and he
| would think she was trying to whisper to
him, and --. Well, what would he be doing
all this time? If he was not dead yet,
which would be a wonder, his left hand
would brush the hair away from her tom
! pie and kind of stay there to keep the hair
| away, and his right hand would get sort of
nervous and move around to the back of her
| head, and when she had counted the beats a
| few minutes and was raising her head be
| would draw the head up to him and kiss her
once for luck, if he was as bilious as Jer-
sey swamp-angel, and have her charge it in
the bill. And then a reaction would set in
and he would be as weak as a cat, and she
would have to fan him and rub his head till
he got over being nervous and then make
out his prescription after he got asleep. No
all of a mans symptoms change when 9
female doctor is practicing on him, and she
would kill him dead.