South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-10-21


lilo vas trying to raise moustache. but
to save bis life he couldn't.
a grandfather, coming 10 read his pa
per. found that he had misIaid his spec
tacles. and thereupon declared: IL have
lost my glasses somewhere and can't
read tho paper. a little tLree.year
old girl, desiring to assist him, answer.
cd, "G'anpa. you so outside and look
froo dc window, and I'll hold re paper
30 you can read it,
IA lie is not only wicked" said the
teacher, sit is mean and ignoble"-
We'll, pa doesn't always stick to the
truth" returned the litigious youth. II
heard hi;n tell ma the other day that
she sometimes made him blush to the
very roots of bis hair But perhaps he
did blush to the very roots of his hair
mo. he didn's either. He hasn't got
any hair; he wears wig"
a wise young man OF Chicago was
once called to his dying fathers bod
side, and told that the old mans will
was made, making himself the sole heir
TO the estate, with Uncle Charley az ex-
ecutor. He reflected moment in 81
lence, and the fond parent, seeing o
cloud upon his brow, asked "Isu't that
satisfactory, William 2" Yes" drawl-
ell William, "but I'd rather you'd leave
the money to Uncle Charley and make
me the executor. Then I'd be more
certain of getting it,
An Indiana editor. struck by light
ming, was stripped OF his clothes and
thrown against wall. If he was re
lying on running weekly paper for his
support, we don't blame the lightning,
for he was probably so thin that the
lightning took him for lightning rod
and struck him while under the i'm
preston that he was simply attending
10 business. -EoanSoiUe Argus.
a spread~eagle orator, at a political
meeting the other night in Ohio, said
''if he bad the wings of a bird he would
fly TO every village and hamlet in the
broad land, and carry the glad things
of victory which he was so sure Of" A
naughty boy in the crowd sang out:
You'd be shot for goose before you
had ied mile.
HATED TO HAVE 1T CHARGED. -"You
are charged with drunkenness" said
Judge Higloy, the other morning, as o
badly dilapidated individual stood up
before him, what have you got to
say p
81 am charged with it, arr l 2"
Yes, you are.'
"Woll, if I'm charged with it, Just
let the charge stand on the slate, and
some day when have the spondulix |
will drop in and settle" and the man
took his hat and started to 60.
Hold on, there" cried The Judge
''you must answer to the charge"
We'll, havn't l answered Didn't
l tell you if it was charged, all right
l amt used to having things charged
always pays cash down when l has any
thing, but rs you say il is charged, why
just let it stand. Don't like the idea Of
book account, either; makes trouble
sometimes in settlia' You remember
the old saving, short settlements make
long friends"
"I'll make short settlement with
you if you don't plead to the charge"
' can only plead to let the charge
stand, Jedge, as I'm a little short this
morning. Don't remember askin' any.
body to charge it. Don't remember
much Of anything, in fact"
I'll give you something to remem-
ber," remarked tho Judge, dryly.
"Thankee, Jedge. Didn't know my
credit was good enough in This estab
lishment TO have anything charged TO
my account II came in here last
night and asked 20 have it charged. ] |
must have been drinking, sure enough. |
It's ag'in my principles. Cash down |
has always been my way OF doing busi-
ness"
Chen you were drunk ?" said the
Judge
Yes, / must have been if l told en-
TO charge IT,"
"AIl right; sixty days, said the Court.
"Ihaukce again, Jedgc. You are
very kind 10 give me so much time
Was 'fraid you might say had got to
settle !h5 minute. can pay up in
siXlv daYs. easy. ma no nrntnal nnn,l