Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1881-03-04
WIT AND HUMOR.


Some tombstones would make good
stump-speakers. They lie SO.
They say that love will go where it is
sent. And it appears always to be sent
after the homely girl with the rich old
daddy. Why is this thuswisc?
"Is love a drcam?" asks a poetical
contributor. Give it up. We think not
though. There's too much expensive
reality about it,
A Detroit lady called at a drug store,
the other day, and said: II want tooth
brush-a real nice one. | want it for a
spare bedroom"
A Missouri man, with an ingrowing
nail, chopped his toe off. This remedy
never fails. For sale at all hardware
stores Beware of limitations.
"You don't know how glad am to
see you, Clara, dear" "Oh, yes do"
replied Clara dear; johnny told me
that he heard you say you would rather
die than see me-"
Extract from letter from Angelina:
Dear Henry, you ask me if I return
your love. Yes, Henry, l have no use
| for il and return il with many thanks
By-by, Henry"
A Monitor Indian, who was recently
convicted Of murder, expressed his opin-
ion of the lawyer who defended him with
delicious frankness: Lawyer too much
talk Heap fool J"
Alcohol is recommended for cleaning
silver-ware. 1t cleans bank notes equal
ly as well; in fact any kind of money it
cleans with surprising alacrity. For sale
by druggists everywhere.
An Iowa farmer declares upon his SOL
emn honor as gentlemen that the last
grasshopper leaving the State stood on a
gate post and said "Get some more
fence rails ready for us by next June"
When man says to his next door
neighbor who has lost his pet bulldog,
I'm sorry poor Borax is Dead set that
man down as one who holds tho truth
but lightly and probably poisoned the
dog.
Sarah Bernhard was asked by Bos
ton lady why she was so long and thin,
and she said that she began to study
English on one Of Secretary Evarts' SEN
fences, and meant to grow up with the
country.
The intelligent printer got it into type
that it was "damnation' party" aud
the poor minister who had been afflicted
with donation party didn't kick bit,
or ask any Of his sturdy congregation te
go round and kill the editor.
'Isit law you're talking about? Look,
now, when | was saudger shot twenty
men for the Queen, and she gave me q
pinshun, but il was only to shoot one
stray fellow for myself, bedad, I'd be
tried for murther. There's law for yez. "
The snowfakes are playing,
And We shall have sleighing,
And what will the young man do then,
Dear thing.
His sweetheart SO gay,
He'll load into his sleigh,
And round Der with one arm will cling.
Dear thing.
A lover, who had gone West to make
. home for his "birdie," wrote to her 4:
"rve got the finest quarter section Of
land Zone hundred and sixty aOres)
ever put my foot down on" Birdie
wrote back; Suppose you buy another
quarter section, John, so you can have
. lawn around your foot" John made
home, but Birdie never was mistress
ofit.
An elderly stranger bought a paper
from newsbOy aud handed a quarter,
but upon the boys hunting for change
the old gentleman said, Never mind the
change sonny; just keep II for yourself. {"
This was probably the first kind word that
had ever been spoken to the homeless,
friendless orphan boy since bis mother
died, aud il completely overOame him.
Brushing hastily away tear, he seized
his benefactor's hand aud exclaimed in a
husky voice, Bully for you, Old Stick
in-ibe. Mud! sopder bow much re-
ward there is offered for you BY iLo gpy.
ings bank you used 70 be president of