The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
WIT AND HUMOR.
SIC transit-An ambulance wagon.
,r,yr a. Dalir;,ro froroone

a TIGHT nG-D6llrlum GIen6nS.
EVERY mans house is his castle, but
every man can't be King of Ashantee.
ONE is a seal ring and the other is
real sing. Eth? Sure enough. What
was the conundrum?
A YOUNG man described q taxidermist
to a bevy of young girls IS one who SORT
O. upholsters animals He took the
cake.
THE difference between the Fenian
leader and an advance agent is that one
is Head Center, while the other is sent
ahead.
NEVER address your conversation to q
person engaged in footing up column
of figures. There's nothing SO deaf as
an adder.
AN Irishman who was found guilty of
stealing a lot of coffee was asked by the
magistrate what he did with it. Made
tay with it, was the Hibernian's reply.
YOUNG lady, examining some bridal
wells" Can you really recommend this
oneP" Over-zealous shopman-" Oh,
yes, miss It may be used several
| times"
"PM afraid the bed is not long enough
| for you" said the landlord to a seven
foot guest. "Never mind, he replied
"I'n add two more feet to it when I
get in"
"Wmn you name the bones of the
| head?" said teacher to oneA Ct his
class. "Pve got 'em all in my head,
teacher" replied the pupil, "but can't
give 'em away"
"rLL take your arm, Mis-. Ida, please,
"aood faith, indeedi" said abe, "but, then,
Ny arm is not the thing to
Impart you thatl" Responded he.
With lips that ne'er denied her.
| " Good faith is bona fde, girl,
And this is bone of Ida"
|. We are constantly told that "the
evening wore on"-but what the even
ing wore on such occasions we are not
informed. Was it the close of q sum-
mer's day?
WHY is a thief your only true phi
losopher? Because he regards every
thing from an abstract point of view, is
opposed to all notions of protection,
and is open to conviction.
THIS is little coeducaIonal scene !:
Professor I" Who will see Mr.. B. before
next Mondays" Lady student, hesitat-
ing and blushing little more :" shall
/. see him Sunday night, probably"
The Philadelphia Ne,Us man is per-
son of experience. He says: "A Boston
man has invented a new word-sAstron
ometeorology.' It means what man
sees when he suddenly runs against q
lamp-post."
Correspondents column In New York
paper asks: Z" How can gain copious
command of language ?" We would
suggest that he try sitting down ON a
tack.-Louisvitle Courier-Joasndl
"CoURTEsY opens many doors" says
the old adage. "This may be true, as
far as it goes, says commentator; s'but
you might stand before BODYBUILDING
and courtesy till you spinal column was
as timber as an old postage-stamp, yet
the doors wouldn't swing back on their
hinges worth cent.
A CLERGYMAN, being annoyed by some
of his audience going out while he was
preaching, took for his text, "Thou art
weighed, and found wanting" Soon
after commencing his discourse, he said,
"You will please pass out as fast as You
are weighed"
He was 70 and she was 18, and they
were on their wedding-tour. He pointed
out to her the beautiful scenery, and
said: eve may have many anniyer-
saries of this season." eyes," she
answered, "you will probably live long
enough to have tin wedding"
DKsDEMoNA.
told her Of my three years. cruise,
Its haps and mishnps; and, when
Had finished, in her sweet rspt muse,
She murmured breathlessly, o mylS
And when told my journeys DER,
From arid zone to lands Of snow,
she paused In wonderment before
She softly cried, " You don't say sow
And when told Of dangers, FEARS
Our shipwreck, when we suffered So
Half frightened, and almost in tears
She faltered forth, 81 want to knowf"
| -ScribneT's Magazine.
J; A PHYSICIAN having a duel on hi
!; hands requests two of his friends to ar
: range with his adversary the hour of th'
meeting. -"Make it tomorrow" b,
' says, 'fbut not in the forenoon, because
3 I must visit four patients before goinl
a to the ground" "I see, murmurs ON,
: Of the seconds, che wants to get hi
: hand in"
I "YEs," said witness, "I remembe
y the defendants mother crying ON tn
!, occasion referred to. She was weeping
: with her left eye-the only one she ha
n and the tears were running down he
Q right cheek" "Whatl" exclaimed tn
It Judge, "How could that be ?" Please
Q your Honor" said the witness, "she wa
awfplly oross-eyed."