The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1881-10-21
THE COLUMBIAN, VOL. XIV, NO a.
COLUMBIA DEMOCRAT, VOL. XVI, NO. 81
Ills Honor and Biish.

old vag, who, three months ago, entered
the station and cried Biiah out of fifty
cents in cash and then stole his vest as
he went out.
''Say, I've Just lost my mother con
tinued the vag but at that instant he
| remembered his former call and slid for
the street like hen dodging a pan OF
dishwater a thunderbolt followed, and
he had not gone fifty feet, when hand
\ seized his collar and held him fast. He
was led back and locked up, and when
| His Honor came in and opened court,
the old weepor was first to be led out
"James Y Jones' began the court,
II am given to understand that you can
weep when occasion requires"
"What occasion ?"
"On all occasions when You can turn
your tears into money. You told Bijah
that you had lost three children by scar
| let fever--home broken up---wife run
away-out of money, and you wept.'
''And why shouldn't II"
because you hadn't even dog TO
lose by death. Your tears brought a
lump into his throat, and he went down
into his hind pocket for half dollar
You blessed him and went way--blessed
him and stole his vest
"And he's got it on now?" cried Bijah
as he looked closer.
$50 he has--so he has. | recognize
it by those buttons you sewed on with a
darning and some kite string.
John Y, you are bad man"
'Ive seen wuss sir
$50 have l, but they didn't hang
around here long. Let's see Ninety
days will let you out just as Winter
begins
''Oh, sir I"
"And your tears will freeze as they
fall, and can be put on exhibition.
"Gimme one more chance Just one y
"Too late You have cried your Ca
reer to its end Take him in, Bijah, and
chalk his back for straight ninety"
NOT GOOD FOR MELONS.
phillip Hornberger."
'Dot's me-
''Last night you felt like eating wa
termelon T.
'Dot's me some more.
''Going to a grocery on Gratiot avenue
you selected one about the size of side
hill, beat the price down to thirty cents,
! and then tried to pay for it with door
knob and six ten-penny nails.
'But he wouldn't took EN-"
: "No, and you kicked the melon TO
r pieces.
"My foot slipped"
"Well your whole body is going to
slip this morning. III make it SIS OF
q thirty days"
a II guess bays der cash and keep out
of shall
"Very well. Two and two are foul
and one is five. Next time pay for yoln
> melon"
Next time puys a squash.
h ''Suit yourself-good morning-han6
out the neXt-go out of the front dool
+ now then who's the next victim ?"
+ THE wHIsKEY CURE.
1t was a mild-eyed, long haired young
n man of 27, who answered to the nam'
of Donald o Grinnel, and he wanted tC
c know of the Court if he couldn't hav,
' a glass Of lemonade before his trial.
Guess not, answered his Honor
"Biiah had lemon around here five O
r six weeks ago, but ten to one the cock
n reaches have lugged it off and traded i
l. for gum drops. 1t won't hurt you an.
e to be tried.
d IL feel all gone.
It eyes, | suppose so. I've never ha,
= the sensation myself, but I've seen s.
's much of it here that l can imagine wha
/ it is. What allied you last night 2
d II felt bad.
"And what did you do for it ?"
"Took prescription
Just so, 1t was humping bi
drink of whiskey on top of two beer
h wasn't it ?"
n IL believe 80, but I'm 80 gone tina
h / can't tell.
G. "Poor youth You are assistant to
ut florist in the suburbs. You came to tow
about dark last night with your hat O
~ your ear and desire in your heart t
i'll mash some one. You took a prescri
ton to give you further courage, al
in you went into Michigan avenue stol
p and offered to chew the proprietor int
is shavings for cents.
"Did do that p
IN "Of course you did. You called you
II self the War Engine of Detroit, and yC
Mt annoyed the man until he made yor
heels hit the ceiling and then flung yC
in into the alley"
nd "And then what 2
We "Then you slept the sleep of d
mt drunk, and your snores guided the OF
he GERS to the spot,
ed "Well, I'm awfully sorry"
ty eyes, so am l. It's a pity You are n
statesman instead of loater
ie- Il guess III begin from this We
he morning to be statesman
ay II guess you won't You'll beg
th this morning to go to the Work Hou
th for three months T.
he THAT finishes me | might as W
is die at once"
"Well, do your dying in the corrid
he and please don't kick around and sma
net Bijah's new coal stove Fall back a
ty die and make room for the next
WOULDN'T TRY HIM,
id John McMasters was as mad as a |
nd with a pin in him as he sailed out,
I'M was little, and old and bald headed a
lor gray, and he had come down from
of upper counties and got tight on gl
rye of beer, and set out TO whip telegra
all. pole with one hand tied behind him,
on, 81 dcmandm discharge" " he shou
,ra as he tood the mark.
ave "Well, you can't have it, quietly
nts, piled his Honor, as he finished up
this harvest apple from his pocket and beg
eating it.
: in "Who's going TO try me :"
otal Nobody
"Yes there be l demand to be tri
III see if I'm to be collared on the stl
=, and hauled off to a bastle in this fashiC
~ 'n, whats the charge =
va "Drunkenpess,
q" IL wasn't drunk T.
81 didn't say you were. You can
al 81 wont stir q stan 20