The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1881-12-03
Miscellaneous Items.


VISITOR - See, now. would you like me to
give you n sixpence2 " Darling - Yes" Yisi-
tor: - Yes? Yes, if ysu-What? Darling
- IL you can't afford any more"
THERK's one thing J envy a hog for said
be shaved till after DEATH - Some hogs does
and some DOESN'T replied the artist. There's
no use arguing with barber while in his power.
DON'T like JONES'" said Snodgrass "a No.
he added. after pause, 90 | don't like him. The
fact - Jones speaks 90 much Of himself-tells 50
much, you know, that he doesn't leave any room
for the Imagination" Does any reader know
Jones
- YoU see" said lively old Aberdeen bache-
lOr, on being advised to get married, - you
see, can't do it, because could not marry n
woman didn't respect. and it would be impossi-
bic Tor me to respect n woman that would consent
TO marry me-
- MY husband always tells me everything that
happens. said Mrs. Smith, in a delighted. happy
tone. - That 10 nothing" said Mrs. Jones,
.. my husband tells me any number Of things
that don't happen"
CocKNEY being out one day amusing himself
with shooting. happened to Gre through hedge
on the other side Of which n man was passing.
The shot passed through the mans hat. but
missed the bird - Did you fire at me, sir - he
hastily asked. oh, no, sir said the shrewd
sportsman, - I never hit what l fre at
The dairymaid psuaivefy uliIked b. goat.
And pouting. she paused 10 muttsr,
Ana me animal turned 10 butt her.
% DOVEY. >" be said - 4 think I was telling you
after I came home last night about the necessity
Of some retrenchment IN our expenditure, was L
not 80 - Well, really, I've forgotten, John. -
she answered. nonchaIently: ', turn on the
phonograph and see" lie turned il and all
it said was. Whazzer mazzer-(hiel l-mazzcr? {?
Whazzer mazzer
AS Irish agent having been instructed 10 raise
rents, called n meeting OF the tenants and ap-
prized them Of the intention - You afford
it," said be. ''sec how prices have risen.
silence was broken by an old farmer, who said.
- Yes. there is no denying on that. IL used to
cost pound % get agent shot. and now,
be jabsrs. it can't be done under two" The
rents have not been raised
TaERE is a message boy in New York who will
probably not have much trouble in holding his
own IN this world. sent by his employers for
come money at the bank, he was counting his
money when a bystander said, - You've dropped
a bill Remembering the game, instead Of
stopping down, he just put bis foot on the bill
and continued counting When through he
picked up the bill and was walking Of. when the
bystander remarked, - guess I was mistaken.
I must have dropped the bill myself " I'll
keep IL to remember you by" said the boy. as be
went away.
WHES q lady eondeseends 10 q practical joke
IL Is gcnernlly very neat one. VI. BOucOurt,
the matter OF Piu-money One day a lady,
closely veiled, and very anxious not 10 be recOgn
iscd, called upon him and borrowed a large sum,
leaving her diamonds a pledge. IL his
wife.
A NEW ZEALAND critic says Of HO4kins :-'' In
connection with the veteran actor (I am very full
Up Of veteran actOrsl, | have often wondered
what he will do in the future world Paradise
would never be thought nice by Mr.. 4 unless he
could secure the services Of a company whom he
could work on half salaries, and if as il moro
probable, he will be relegated % n much warmer
locality when securely there, il will be quite
impossible for him ever to take . \ farewell
benefit"
The ). r. Cir0Hicle's IDEA or Legitimate
BUsNEss--Arguments were heard, lately, by
Superior Court Judge Allen, at San Francisco on
the demurrer 10 the complaint in the libel case OF
George X Fitch W II. NJ. De Young. W. ).
Woods, attorney for the defendant, stated that
be demurTed % the complaint because the deien-
dsnt held there was no libel 10 the Publication
by the ChrOHicie which charged plaintiff with
having sold 10 the Central Pacific Railroad Com
-s,any the influence Of tn ErsHiH1 Bulletin, Of
SNich paper the plaintiff Is one Of the proprietors
2 =, n contract being IN the line Of legitimate
. %, IL could not be libellOus to publish
. 3 .53nts regarding it.
- rfHISEsE students were arrested upon their
arriyA : Hongkoug from the United States on q
charge Of having robbed Chinaman IN 1oko-
hama Of q trayelling-bOI containing S2OOO Oi
bank drafts, n box Of blankets, watch. aud
clock The case was heard before the British
Consul, and the prisoners. who we're dressed IN
European style, and spoke English huently, with
n slight - American accent. asked that bail
would be allowed, which, however, was denied,
and they were remanded 30 gaOl until the follow
ing day, when they were discharged, upon the
ground that the Consul had no jurisdiction IN the
matter. If these students guilty ot the
crime charged the Chinese Government Is not
likely 20 eOuntenauce them, as 10 might result IN
their opening bank. putting n lot OF wildcat
mining stock on the markets. r. Chronicle.
A REVOLTISG SCENE.-During the examination
Of the injured Vertebra in the Courtroom, Guteau
became much interested, and LAID down bis
papers, Scovillc took the section ct yertebra,
and Guiteau Immediately reached over, took it
himself, and gave il n searching examination.
lie then leaned over, and pointed out the places
injured By the ball 20 ScOyille. and, handing it
back resumed his reading. The sight was an
impressive one. The man who had murdered
President Of the United States coolly taking the
backbone of his victim into his hand. and noting
the effect Of his deadly aim was sight probably
never witnessed before, and certainly never TO BE
forgotten. whisper ran through the audience
accompanied by few suppressed yet welldshns
hisses.-S. +. ChrOHicle.