The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-03-31
FAOETIE.

Teacher-Has fire any gender?
Pupil : Yes, feminine. Teacher-What
makes you think SO? Pupil-Because L
heard mamma tell papa not to hug the
fire.
Extract from letter from Angelian:
'.Dear Henry, you ask if return your
love. Yes, Henry, have no use for it.
and return it with many thanks. By
by, Henry
Sunday School Teacher (reprovingly)
-s.Boys do you know what day this is?''
Street Boy-..Hi, fellers! here's cove
that don't know what this is! l guess
he's been out all night!'
A Cincinnati man found a rough
looking individual in his cellar. "Who
are you?'' he demanded. The gas man,
come to take the meter" was the reply.
..Great heavenr' cried the householder,
Il hoped you were only a burglar.
New York millionairesses about to
start for Europe They are studying
not Murray and Baeddeker-oh, dear,
no,-but Burke and Debrett, and taking
note of all the unmarried peers. Clara
Won Deepenbeck: ''What a pity they
don't publish their photographs as well
as their ages and titles!'
Mistress-ssAs you've never been in
service I'm afraid L can't engage you
without character. ," Young Person
81 have three school board certifi-
Gates, mas am Mistress-''Oh, well,
l suppose for honesty, cleanliness
Young Person-'.No. ma am; for liter
atoor, jogg'phy, an free and draw
rinr'
A country girl at fashionable hotel
in New York noticed that all the guests
used their forks only in eating their pie.
Upon her return home she reported the
fact to the old lady, who comforted her
by Observing; s'You shouldn't mind EN-,
Jemina; its all because they're too
tarnal lazy to use their knives.
Tableau Vivant-Bridegroo (to his
little sster-in-law ut the breakfast)-
..Well, Julia (enfant terrible)-"Yes;
and ma said the other day to pa, she
didn't think he was much account,
only it looked like Lottie's last chancer"
(Great clatter of knives, forks, and
spoons.)
..See here" said fault-finding hus-
band to his wife, 1--WE must have things
arrano oed in this house SO that we shall
know where everything is kept" ''With.
s.and let us begin with our late hours, my
love; 1 should dearly like to know
where things are kept" He lets things
run on as usual.
Enter Jones, the magnificent, with
stranger "a little surprise for you
Mrs: j.! Let me introduce Mr.. Wig
gins, whom 1 have persuaded to take
his chance, and come and try pot luck
with us; and 1 hope you won't starve
him, hay, my love?" Mrs. Jones
(curtseying) ng)-''There's no fear OF that,
Mr.. Virgins. | got my husbands
telegram in time.''
A fashionable Boston lady was uneX-
pectedly lea without servant. She
undertook to make her husband a cup
of coffee, but it took SO long he asked
what in the Halifax was the matter with
the coffee. Il don't know" she said,
bursting into tears; I've boiled these
beans for full hour, and they are no
softer now then they were when l first
put them in the pot
A thin old man with a rag-bag in his
hand was picking number of small
pieces of whalebone which lay on the
Street The deposit was of such
singular nature that the quaint-looking
gatherer was asked how he supposed
they came there. ''Don't KNOW" he
replied in a squeaking voice, ''but spec
some unfortunate female was wrecked
hereabout somewhere.
Young Hopeful, age 6, who is showing
a visitor his book containing an alleged
representation of a ''bird' and a
..horse,' as indicated in the words
underneath the drawings; These are my
worst drawings, Mr.. Smith," Mr..
Smith: Indeed, Tommy! and where
are your other ones?'' Young Hopeful:
.sOh, haven't drawed them yet"