The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1881-02-24
PITH AND POINT.

PITH AND POINT.
FAM1L1AR quotations The price q
stocks.
A WINTER resort Blowing On you1
cold fingers. n.
An express package The girl who
has Tilted you.
& a STUDY in oil The attempt to get q
sardine out whole.
TIE minister who divides his dis
courses into too many heads will find It
difficult to procure attentive ears for
all Of them.
In an instant man may do what
lifetime of repentance cannot undo. . .
says Henry Ward Beecher. True, Mr..
Beecher-h may break an egg.
To THE query of Danbury dentist to-
an applicant for new set as. to what sort
Of teeth she wanted, she said ssSome-
thing that won't show dirt. .
THE SEASONS -CoNDENsED.
One lusty, loud and long continued sneeze,
Long sultry days Of limp and languid ease,
The ceaseless murmur OF million deas,
And then one steady, stiff and solid freeze.
A LA CROSSE Owls. minister prayed
for those who were smitten with Ill
ness, and those who have gone a-fshing,
and, also, those too lazy to dress for
church.
The world is like skating park nice
when you can glide smoothly over its
surface, but cruel md cold to sit down
on when you get your feet knocked from
under you.
AT the theater. A spectator asked at
the dressing-roon for his overcoat.
ttYour number?" asked the attendant.
s<Find my overcoat first, then TIL give
you my number; it is in the pocket OF
my overcoat."
HERE is man in Newark, N. j., so
close that when he attends church he
occupies the pew farthest from the pull
pit to save the interest on his money
while the collectors are passing the plate
for contributions.
AN Irish priest was addressing his
flock on the dangers Of incompetence,
and concluded his harangue with these
words: "Drink, my children, makes
you beat your wives, starve your fami-
lies and shoot your landlords AYE, and
miss them, too.
ST AM a skeptic," said an immature
person Of the masculine gender, in
yainglorious strain. can epileptic?"
asked an old lady, somewhat hard of
hearing, "Poor boy you look Like it,
so you do While the smile went round
the youth went out.
In the review OF the past les
sons at Sunday-school the question
was asked ''What did God do on
the seventh day." Answer: "He
rested" ''What else did he do?"
Promptly little s-year-old boy s He
read his newspaper"
"PRoFEssoR," said student in pur-
suit Of knowledge concerning the habits
of animals, ''why does a cat while eat
ing turn her head first one way and then
another ?" "For the reason" replied
the professor, that she cannot turn it
both ways a. once"
Your future husband seems very ex-
acting he has been STIMULATING for all
sorts OF things" said a mother to her
daughter, who was about getting mar
ried ':Never mind, mamma" said the
afectonate girl, who was already dressed
for the wedding, these are his last
wishes"
IT is mighty embarrassing to man
who has some religious friends staying
| with him to have his dog, which has
been very quiet during week days, begin
right after breakfast Sunday to run to
the gun in the corner and then to his
master, and wag his tail, and then run
back to the gun again.
J'U'NAn1sa1," he observed, as he
rested unsteadily with his back braced
against the wall while the pale moon
beams toyed cold]y with his flushed but
intellectual countenance, ssj'u'nalism's
gran an gorg'us rainbow (hic), wi-wi
foot i-i-in er poor ouse. "-Brooklyaa
Eagle.
A THIN old man with a rag-bag in his
hand was picking a number Of small
pieces of whalebone which lay on the
street. The deposit was Of such a singu-
lar nature that the quaint looking gath
erer was asked how he supposed they
came there. S:Don't know" he replied,
in squeaking voice, but spec some
unfortunate female was wrecked here
about somewhere
| A nUDIcRoUs mistake is reported to
have occurred at the opening Of bazaar
in Glasgow, at which the Princess Louise
and the Marquis Of Lorne were present.
| A distinguished clergyman was called
upon by the Chairman to conduct devo-
tional exercises and the reverend gen
tleman had commenced to read, when
four pipers Of a highland regiment, ow-
ing to some Misunderstanding struck up
with wild shrek on the bagpipes, by
way of preliminary to tsThe Campbells
Are Coming The music was promptly
stopped; but the solemnity Of the pro-
ceedings had, of course, been shaken.
Uncle Nose Turns Over New Leaf
A neighbor, with cofee-cup in he1
hand, called in On Uncle Nose, remark
ing ssUncle Nose, I wants to borry {
c71n oh marched coffee from Won f07