The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-02-09
Fl RIVER PR S.
FLOATING PANOIEs.

500 find, j" said Talmage to his man,
"Ear-mutfs for me to use"
A moment John the ears did scan,
Then brought his rubber shoes.
The Syracuse Times speaks of a dreadful
man who 'slies like a thermometer"
Editors never shovel snow. They have ex-
ercise enough bouncing poets who write
about it.
Nc lady with any refinement will use her
husbands meerschaum pipe to drive nails in
the wall.
The maid ,1ho adorns the knee of her low
er while the gas is turned down is 'sborne to
blush unseen"
Philadelphia girls are quick travellers. One
Of them who went sleighing recently made
twelve miles on one lap.
Teacher-Has fire any gender? Pupil
Yes, feminine, Teacher-What makes you
think SO? Pupil-Because I heard mamma
tell papa not TO hug the fire.
swell, miss" said a knight of the birch
rod, scan you decline a kiss 2" ''Yes, SIR
said the girl, dropping a perplexed courtesy,
Il can, but hate to most plaguely."
1t is learned from the Chronicle that the
streets of Philadelphia are so muddy and
sloppy that women who don't own hand
some stockings won't go outside the house.
A topper lets his light so shine before men
that others seeing his illuminated proboscis
may shun the flowing bowl that biteth like
q serpent and stingeth like g. picnic hornet.
How wisely Nature, orderly all below,
Forbade a beard on Woman;s chin TO grow,
For how could she be shav'd (what'er the skilD
Whose tongue would never let her chin BE- still.
"Well, you are the bi ggest goose I ever
see" said an uncultivated but honest Bos-
tonian % the partner of his joys and SORROWS.
And she, who had had@@the advantage Of q
public school education, smiled upon him
with a seraphic smile as she remarked, ooh,
hubby, you are such a self forgetful darling"
A country girl at a fashionable hotel in
| New York noticed that all the guests used
their forks only in eating their pie. Upon
her return home she reported the fact to the
old lady, who comforted her by observing !:
ssYou shouldn't mind 'em, Jemima; it's be-
cause they're too tarnal lazy to use their
knives"
Tab]eau Vivant-Bridegroom Ito his little
sister-in-laW at the breakfast)-"Well, Julie,
you've got a new brother now" Julie Cen
FAINT terrible)-"Yes; and ma said the other
day to pa, she didn't think he was much &C
count, only it looked like Lottie's last
chance !" Great clatter of knives, forks, and
spoons.
e.a~--.ara . esia . sss-.-14 H-ainp husband TO
his wife, sswe must have things AFRO nnoa =
this house SO that we shall know where every
thing is kept "With all my heart" she
sWeetly answered, S'and let US begin with
your late hours, my love; I should dearly like
to know where they are kept" He lets things
run on as usual.
A good Methodist asked John Wesley
what he thought as to his marrying a certain
woman we'll known to both. Wesley adj
vised him not to think about it. ssWhy,"
said the other, "she is q member of your
church, isn't she." "Yes," was the reply.
And you think she is truly a Christian wo-
MANI" ssYes," said Wesley, 81 believe she
is" "Well, then why not marry her p sBe-
cause" replied Wesley-tbecause, my friend,
the Lord can live with a great many people
that you and I can't!"