The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-08-24
FLOATING FANCIEs.

me only form of oath among the shos-
none Indians is, "The earth hears me The
sun 81 nears me. Shall lie ?" And then Tho
dacity. '"'A eileo ilen-
haa drank IS not good English gram
nar' says high authority. Il certainly il
no., .a " as drunk is better grapmar, and
more - accoEoanC6 WItl as1sAa' sAisiss
out Of ten.
| :. A California astronomer claims to have
| discovered seven comets in o bunch fha
other evening, but he was Just from the
states and has not yet become accustomed
70 the coast brand of whisky.
1t was Boston lad who, walking one dav
with his guardian, saw drunken soldier in
the street, and pointing to the recumbens fie-
ure. remarked, Papa. I guess he doesn5t
belong to the standing army"
Chicago paper wants to have Guitteau
talked to death by G. Francis Train II
nlgbt DO. But we once heard of sailor
VINO was put into q cage with an anaconda
oy cruel African king, that the anaconda
might swallow him, and we believe the sail-
on swallowed the anaconda. -.
The man who was decided upon as nm
plFe OF q brass band contest, In which 1874
bands participated had fleet horse ready
and mounted it and fled the minute he had
announced the award, thus escaping being
tarred and feathered and dragged through q
swamp. He knew his business.
Young lady-'And YOU really mean to
say that at times you do not have enough 10
eat why, always thought that poor peo
pie IN the country could get eggs, bacon.
milk and vegetables for nothing" Country
Woman-'Only three things as we gifts for
nut1n, Mlss-air, water and the parsons ad-
vice."
Ihe latest wrinkle is a sspostage stamp
code, whereby the language Of Irritation il
spoken by means of placing the postage
stamp in unusual and out t-of-the-way posi-
tlons on the envelope. For example, the
stamp placed On the lower, left hand corner
1nl means "gou are next to my heart" etc.
Ihe postal clerks are already up in rebellion
against the innovation which doubles their
ator Besides, all the feminine postal
clerks have to spend half their time in read
ing the sign language thus conveyed.
1t always produces queer kind of sensa-
ton to meet lady relative or friend after
an absence OF ten or fifteen years. You look
at her and think "dear, dear, what change
e e sure What e. 9d lie eo l5g hen y5 sba a hag
thinks "well, well and the podgy, bald
headed old rooster is all that is left of nv
handsome Jim, Dick Bill, or whatever your
hideous name may be-" Then you both ex-
claim with one breath: s'Why, how well
you're looking, not day older" What liars
we mortals are.
A man was brought up before an Austin
justice Of the peace charged with trying to
pass q lead counterfeit dollar. .sWhat do you
mean by trying to palm off such miserable
counterfeit as that on the intelligent people
of this university city?" The prisoner said
he didn't mean anything. ssThat will not 60
down with this court. You might have got
better counterfeit than that. How could
you expect to deceive the people with that
counterfeit than that I would be ashamed Of
myself" 'sWelp judge" said the counter
feiter, 81 am business man and if you
have any better counterfeit than that half
dollar, show me the samples, and it the
price suits I'll buy all my counterfeit money
from you. If you don't like that I'll GO in
with you on shares Judicial indignation
and the committal followed.
Around her waist put my arms
It felt as soft cake;
''Oh dear" said She what liberty
You Printer do take!"
'sWhy yes, nv SAL my charming gal,"
squeezed her some, guess,
.Can you say olght. my chick, against
The freedom of the Press?'
kissed her some, did, by gum
She colored like beet:
Upon my living soul, she looked .... E
Almost too good to eat!
gave her another buss, and then
Says she Il do confess,
rather sorter kinder like
The freedom of the Press !"
Dh-$
TeaephOn1c COmmu AcagAOm with HaR.