The Portland daily press., 1881-05-04
PRICE 3 CENTS.

OF US can recall laughable incidents in our per.
sonal recollections of him. l once shared his
room and bed at miserable tavern in Oxford
County. The house was old and rickety. the
window ratified hideously in the easement, the
chill November wind came through q couple of
broken panes with too much force for comfort
and sleep was nearly impossible. After turn
ing and tossing awhile in vain endeavor to
court forgetfulness, Artemus rose, and lifting
the lamp made most solemn survey of the
room in every part. Presently he emerged
from deep closet in the corner with dilapi-
dated hoop skirt in his hand, which he gravely
hung up before the window. "Now, what are
you doing?" was asked of him. Artemus slow
ly placed the lamp on the floor, turned on me
look of pity, and with argumentative ges-
ture OF his right hand half-muttered to him.
self: Twill keep out the coarsest OF the cold,
anyway"
Artemas was known in the family and
among his schoolmates as "Chub."''a name Civ
en- him by his facetious brother Cyrus, as q sat.
ire on his tall, gaunt makeup.
do not remember to have ever seen any no.
tice OF Artemuss happy use of pantomme in
his humorous moods among his friends and as
soelates. There was an unapproachable elo-
quence sometimes in it. He had n way of
making quotation marks in the air with his
left and right fore6ngers, on occasion, that was
irresistibly funny. Once he was engaged to
fill an evening in the lecture course of a popu-
lar literary institution of New England city.
On making some inquiries beforehand in re-
gard to the capacity of the hail, the probable
makeup of his audience, &c., he was informed
thas the platform had seats for upwards of q
hundred auditors. "Oh, yes understand
he said; (pantomime signifying "frst families"
Every respectable" &c. "Good! Be sure and
have 'em there; they'll Quotation mark pam
tomime) lend dignity to the occasion (panto-
mime); and if they lose some they won't miss
it," During the lecture an individual who oc-
cuped seat one of the front benches
seemed determined to resist the speakers eff
forts to make him laugh Artemus soon dis
covered both the listener and his intention
and concentrated all his powers on him. For a
long time it seemed as if the man had the best
OF it, but by-and-by one of Brownies queer con-
ceits took effect Tho obstinate fellow gave
way and laughed and kicked like delighted
schooboy. Artemus celebrated his victory by
coolly announcing to his audience: 'Ladies
and gentlemen, this will terminate the first
act, and we will drop the curtain for a few mo-
ments; while the scenery is being arranged for
the next act the lecturer will take occasion to
go out to see man. and with perfect sanq
tfotd he left the platform for the ante-room,
where he quietly refreshed himself with
weak tea and a cracker and gleefully told the
story of his contest.
Half doxen of his associates were sitting
one day in his room at the village hotel where
he boarded, when an old woman drove up to
the store opposite with "a pair of donkeys-a
jack and jenny-hitchod to a little wagon.
Jack was the Eois;sst brute in the country. He
had a voice worse than the handle of the town
pump ON frosty morning and was proud of it.
In minute his tail rose to horizontal his
nose was thrust forward, his lips parted, and
the beast blew his internal blast A second
and third time it was repeated. Artemus
quietly thought shat thing might be fixed"
and disappeared from the room. He went ov-
or and appeared to make a careful inspection
OF the forewheels of the wagon, the harness
and the hitchup: and came back saying that
the donkey was all right; the brute must have
made mistake about something, Presently
sASAS
part: the neck was extended, the lips curled,
and the tail rose-.o the pivotal point, and no
further. The trumpet didn't sound. Jack
thought there was mistake somewhere--hesi-
tated-refected- tried again. The front
part, some of it, was all right: but the eauili-
brium could not be reached. After time an
other attempt was made and failed Jack
turned his head round to ascertain the cause of
the failure but couldn't see any. The fifth
vain attempt to bray was followed by spiteful
kick at Jenny: but it didn't cure the matter
At last he gave it mp and stood at that store
door the most neglected looking, discontented
donkey in existence. Meantime Artemus en-
joyed the fun and discharged rattlng fucilade
af pungent humor that kept the party in a
roar, and made the whole affair one of the
most ludicrous that ever experienced Arte-
mus had attached heavy stone to the dom
keys tail, leaving just play enough to the cord
to allow the beast to get his tail nearly up to
concert pitch.''
There always will be, as long as Artemus
Ward is remembered a class who affect to de-
spise him and sneer at his calling as a humor-
list. Life is q compound, and wit and humor
are ingredients in well-balanced human or
ganization. Ridicule is often more effective
than argument, and hearty laugh is an occa-
sional tonic, dispelling care and giving now
hope to the weary and discouraged. Artemus
Ward was helper of his kind, and the world
is better because lie lived in it. He was hu-
m an; and had humanity's weaknesses; he was
noble, too, in iilial obedience and love; true
in his friendships; there was nothiug mean in
his nature; and as those who loved him gather
round his grave to deposit sprig of evergreen
on the sod and remember his brighter and bet
ter part, they ask reverently
Has he gone to the land of no laughter,
This friend who made mirth for us all?
NJ.