River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-10-13
OLD JERRY.
The Way He Was Beaten and why
He Wants Martial Law Declared

Several days ago old Jerry established
a small restaurant, furnished with two
pine tables and four benches. 1t was
designed for colored people, and in
order to attract that class of custom
| the old man hung out sign bearing this
piece of intelligence: Fried Catfish"
Next day malicious rival rubbed out
the fish," leaving the world to infer
that the old man sold fried cat; and
| then entering the restaurant, sat down
and asked:
"Gin me some of de yaller species"
81 doan grapple de termination oh
yer adverbs, sab, replied the proprie-
| tor.
"Gin me some of the fine fur sort"
eyer verb fingers too much in de
shade OBJ de proper noun"
"Gin me spring kitten"
Ter leah grammar an come down
to rithmetic, doan grab the mulplica-
ton table OBJ what yer's tryin' ter git
through YER
eyer sign says dat yer's got fried cat;
wants spring kitten"
Cat fish, sab, my sign remarks"
"Bet yer boss agin yer 'stablish-
ment dat de sign says fried cat widout
de fish,
"All right. De restaurant is up"
| ode boss is under de shed yonder
Yer's man of honor, so is l. Now
| let's eide the question"
| When the old man looked at the
| sign he threw up his hands, hardened
by toll and wrinkled by years. "De
Establishment is yer own" he said. His
rival joyously acknowledged thewilling-
ness with which the old man surren-
dered the property, when Jerry re-
marked:
"Willin ness begits willin'ness, doan
hit?"
'Yerself is fosifer, ole man.
But is my statement crecked?'
'Yas, sab. I'd stake my arthly
sessions on de truth OBJ yer observa-
ton"
oval, den, sense yer's so willin' ter
take my restaurant, I'll show an equal
willin' ness ter take yer boss. Use a
needin' NV boss morn I is a restau-
rant, an as Use got bridal handy I'll
take the boss an go out 'lectioneerin'
fur some future Office" And before
| the rival could recover from his sur
prise, the old man had mounted the
horse. But when he did recover, he
rushed up, caught him by one leg and
dragged him to the ground. A lively
fight ensued, and occasionally through
cloud of dust bystanders could see
that rheumatism had taken sides
against Jerry. When the two mer. had
been separated, Jerry went to the state
| house, and walked, unannounced, into
the executive chamber.
"Gubner," he said, Use got mighty
fine case fur yer dis time," and he ex-
planned the cause of his visit. II
wants the military to take charge OBJ
dis case. Der civil authority, which is
myself, fur Use always civil, hab foun'
itself unable to git away wild dis ma
Now, sab | wants yer ter point me
major OBJ de militia, declar martial law
in de vicinity oh de trouble, order me
on active duty an let me draw Sc
day till dis trouble is settled"
The governor explained that the
matter belonged to the civil depart
ment of the state
But civil means hab bin 'zausted.
1 was mighty civil ter dat man. De
military is intended to perteck de civil
th0rities, de law says. Wall, den, SEN
de 'turney ober dar an let me draw my
So day as major till he gets through
wild de case No, did heah yer say?
All right, sab. Bout o'clock dis
ebenin' eff yer hears gun fire an
holler. jes cum ter de clusion dat mar
tial law hab been declared. Good day,
sab -