Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1881-04-21
HUMOR OF THE DAY.
Dear at any price-sweethearfs.
Tho fsha,v onastion- Cot a bita

Dear at any price-Sweethearis.
The fishery question-Got bite?
A man who was formerly a night
watchman refers to it as his late oceu
patton.
No star ever lose and set without il.
fuence somewhere. 1t is the same way
with a hen.
A woman's work is never done, be-
cause when she has nothing else to dc
she has her hair to fix.
There are 100, 900 commercial travel
ers in this country. Among such an
army of drummers there must needs he
many sticks.-Boston 7raaserlt.
Why is dandy like mushroom
Because he's q regular saphead-
His waist is remarkably slender,
His growth is exceedingly rapid,
And his top is uncommonly tender.
The hog cholera excitement is the
biggest thing in the porcine line since
Theodore Thomas had to leave Cincin-
natl because he refused to beat time
with ham.
Many woman who would like to put
down new Brussels carpet in her par
lor will be obliged to be content with
putting a new hoop on the second-best
Washtub.-Ne,o Rapsn Register.
Philadelphia has discovered that
colored lard is being palmed off as but
ter. Passing off pigs feet for spring
chickens will probably be the next
deception. Philadelphia Chronicle.
"You don't know how it pains me to
punish you," said the teacher. 81
guess there's the most pain at my end OF
the stick" replied the boy, feelingly.
"'T any rate I'd be willing to swap"
6 Yes, sir" said Gallagher, "it was
funny enough to make donkey laugh.
1 laughed till I cried, . and then he saw a
smile 60 round the room, he grew red
in the face, and went away mad. Boston
Post.
The favorite girls in Washington have
big, brown eyes and large mouths. As
the latter qualification enables them to
eat ice-cream with a coal shovel, IL
promises to be an expensive summer
for unmarried government clerks.
When member, in the course of q
very long speech, called for glass Of
water, member sitting near exclaimed
soto voce to his neighbors: "This is
all contrary to the laws Of mechanics "a
windmill running by water. Hartford
Co,1d7u.
It is said that two French philoso-
pliers have kept nine hogs drunk for d
year, and say they are none the worse
for their tippling. Which proves that
hogs are natural drunkards, or that nat
ural drunkards are hogs, we've forgot,
ten which.-NeaD Have'a Register.
The decorative art mania. Miss Non.
aufait: 'What a charming love Of d
cup marked Tom and Jerry r" Gen
tlemanly vender of majolica: " Yes; we
sell large number Of them. Miss N.
!" But haven't you some marked Clifford
and Alvord or BERTHE and George ?H
Aidebating society has tackled the
question els it worse to think you've
reached the top when there is one stair
more, than to think there is one stair
more when you've reached the top, and
bring your foot down so hard that it
tingles for four hours ?"-BoSto7s Post.
A stock broker returning to his Office
the other day, after substantial lunch
con with q client, said, complacently, to
his head clerk: g Mr.. Putkin, the world
looks different to a man when he hI-
had bottle of champagne in him. y
!" Yes, sir, replied the clerk, signif-
cantly, and he looks different to the
world. Pack.