Ellsworth American. [volume] (Ellsworth, Me.) 1855-current, 1881-01-13
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Cows Teeth.
IGNORANCE STALKING THROUGH THE LAND.
Peck's SUM-

{ lGNoRANCE STALklNG THROUGH The LAND
TPecks SUM-
A couple of third ward citizens met each
other on the sidewalk last Monday morning
as they were starting for their places of bus
mess, and one of them, who resides on Var
Buren, street, asked the other, Jackson
street man, if cows had any front teeth OF
their upper Jaw. The Jackson street mar
was little astonished at the question, a.
there had been nothing said about cows, but
replied promptly.
why, of course they have front teeth or
their upper jaw how could they bite of
grass if they hadn't?"
The Van Buren, street man said it was not
question of logic, but a question of fact
and if the Jackson street man did not know
whether cows had front teeth on the upper
jaw or not, he ought to say so. 81 did moi
ask you for your opinion" he said Il asked
if you knew"
The Jackson street man was little nettled
at this. and replied with some warmth
He said if he had child 3 wears old who
would ask sucha question as that, he should
be afraid the child was an IDIOT
"You would ?"
Il certainly should"
Them" said the Van Buren street man
"as it is such a simple question, of course
you can tell me whether cows have got front
teeth on their upper jaws or whether they
have not
why, Of course they have"
They have, eh?"
Yes"
IN bet you $40 they haven't" said the
Van Buren street citizen, pulling out a roll
of bills. and peeing off couple of fyes and
shaking them at his neighbor Put up OF
shut up"
There is some internal catch about thi,
thing" said the other. suspiciously; II
might have known it, too the minute YOU
asked me such an Internally idiotic ques.
ton"
mo catch at all about it," replied the
other, IF cows have got front teeth on then
upper jaws the $40 is yours. If they
haven't the money is mine. Nothing could
be farer than that, could there
But still the Jack son street man hesitated
1t was barely possible that cows did no,
have any front teeth on their upper laws
He remembered then that cows in biting of
grass always threw their noses outward
while horses nipped it off By jerking their
noses inward. lie was astonished at how
near he had come to being yictimzed, but
he did notlike TO csme down. The two we're
then near the meat market near the corner
of Jackson and Michigan streets, and the
Jackson street man was sure that a butcher
would know for certain whether or not cows
had front teeth on their upper Jaws; and so
he pushed open the door and said the pro
/ pr tor:
'Linehan, have 6ows got front teeth on
their upper jaws 2"
LInehan was running a skewer through a
roast Of beef, but he stopped, looked up in
astOniShmcnt, and said:
What ?"
Have cows got front teeth on their upper
jaws ?"
Cows ?"
"Yes"
Got front teeth on their upper jaws"
YES"
Upon my word don't know"
You don't know ?"
NO. You see buy my beefby the quar-
ter at the slaughter house, and don't have
anything to do with the heads. But can
find out for you when 90 over"
I wish YOU would"
SO the Jackson street man closed the door
and rejoined his neighbor, and the two
walked along without saving a word A
milk wagon was seen coming up the street
and it was resolved to hail the driver and
ask hm the question, as it is popularly sup
posed that m lkmen are more or less familiar
with cows. The Van Buren, street citizen
cleared his throat and yelled, Hello ="
The milkman reined up and said
"Go ahead with your tests. If YOU find
any water or chalk in that milk I'll give YOU
the whole Of it"
The citizen told him to be calm, as they
had no Intention Of testing his milk, but
only wanted to know if cows had front teeth
on their upper jaws.
The milkman looked at them about min
ute, and then whipped up his horses and
drove off; mentioning some kind of a fool
that they were. Up on Wisconsin street
they saw another mlkman delivering milk,
and overtakIng him, they explained the dis
pute Tie smiled pltylngly upon their ignor-
ance, and said:
"Ot course cows have front teeth on their
upper Jaws-a driveling idiot ought to know
that much \ COW would be hant some
looking object without any front teeth in her
upper jaw wouldn't she ?"
I've concluded to take that bet of yours, :"
said the Jackson street man to the other.
Come, now, down with your dust Put up
or shut up"
"Why didn't you do it, then, when YOU had
4 chance ? | never claimed to know whether
COW had front teeth on her upper Jaw or
not; | only thought | had read so some
waere. and asked to see if YOU knew about
It ior certain. But now that the thing is
s..tt InH har - L..
see"
80, of course not" said the Jackson street
man, sarcastic ally; 'of course not"
Just then Mr.. Clark Of the Newhall House
happened along, and as the mikman picked
up his lines and drove off, the Van Buren,
street man asked Mr.. Clark if he knew any
thing about cows. Mr. Clark said he did,
having formerly been farmer and cattle
buyer.
''Well,' said the Van Buren, streeter, ..do
you know | got the queerest idea into nv
head this morning about cows that man
ever had. Somehow or other got the idea
that cows had no front teeth on their upper
Jaw and | actually offered to bet ten dollars
with this man that such was the case. |
don't see what possessed me-"
We'll, if YOU had bet, you would have
won the money said Mr.. Clark.
What ~ exclaimed both the citizens to-
gether
81 say if you had bet you would have
won the money, for COWS have no front teeth
on their upper jaws"
Sweet spirit hear my prayers" said the
Van Buren, street citizen, as he brought out
his roll and peeled off the two fves again,
and shook them at the Jackson street man,
who turned away with a sickly smile, and
said he could not always be pulling out his
money.
Ignorance seems to be stalking through
the land like Kansas grasshopper on stills
EXPERIENCE WITH MALAGA GRAPES
He had neuar aator n Mnlnrrn .x.a,.. ...l l.