Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-04-17
POking Fun at the Pole.

but are rendered helpless py lear or
them.
POking Fun at the Pole.
Lieut.. Doane, of the Department of
Dakota, has made vOluminOus report
Of his experience and observations in
the Artic regions as member OF the
Howgate expedition. 1t is tine
piece of satire and will be appreciated
as such. His summary of the sue
cess Of the expedition is unique. he
says: g The cruise of the Gulnare is
| the first acknowledged failure in
Arctic annals. We did but little, but
left a great, many things undone re-
quiring some moral courage to refrain
from doing. We did not change the
names of all the localities visited, as
is customary, nor give them new
ATTITUDES, to the bewilderment Of the
general reader. We do not dispute
anyone's attained distance nor declare.
it impossible that he should have
been where he was. We did not hunt
up nameless islands and promontories
to tag them with the surnames of
plethoric merchants and wildly en-
thusiastic females who had given us
plug tobacco and button-hOle bOquets.
We did not even erect cenotaphs.
A centotaph is monument erected
to one who is buried elsewhere or not
buried at all The artistic style for
such a structure is pile Of rocks on
the --LATEST of which is daubed in
letters of tar the following stere-
otyped inscription: Sacred to the
memory of the heroic Why a
cenotaph should be erected where no
one will see it, and what use there, is
in erecting one at all are questions.
We received no flags, converted no
natives, killed no one. We discov-
cred no new evidences regarding the
Mosaic account, of the creation, nor
the Deluge, nor the unity of races,
nor the location of ancient Troy, nor
the garden of Eden. We found moth
ing in Greenland to put our natural
lists to the blush by comparison,
nothing superior to railroads and
modern civilization. We did not see
anything half so grand, half so
sublime, nor half so beautiful there
as can be seen in the Yellowstone
National Park and dozen other local
tiles at home. We did not even see
what others have seen in the same
regions. ID
The primary geographical iceberg,
which in perspective towers above
frst-class ships in the foreground, and
has contemplative bear gazing sea-
ward from the loftiest pinnacle, OBJ
liviOus of the herd of fat seals on it's
beach, is not produced any more.
Neither is the iceberg of shop win
dows. The present ones are not so
high by several hundred feet, and in
stead of being in freezing condition
was rapidly thawing whenever aiioat.
Polar bears do not put their paws on
mems shoulders and smilingly offer
their stomachs to be ripped open in
the Norwegian regions as formerly.
! The rocks and cliffs of the Arctic are
| not all clouded with waterfowl, as
pictured, nor is it dangerous to run a
whale-boat lestit should ground on q
sleeping whale, be pierced through by
the horn of a narwhal or captured by
an angry herd of walrus. Arctic
scenery is grand, but with little
variety. The glacial phenomena
alone in summer time are magnificent.
In winter the auroras are added. At
the pole during the summer there is.
of course, constant daylight, yet no.
body seems to have thought it worth
| while to call attention to the fact
that polar observations could be taken
automatically during that season.
No one has proposed wintering at
the pole. The proposition would
probably not be carried into effect it
outlined. The object of this report is
to expose few of the specious pleas,
fallacious reasonings, and i'll grounded
cOnjectures which are called scien-
tific, and to place the subject of cir
cumpolar exploration on basis of
facts and reasonable probabilities.
One can not explore the earth's sur
face from an observatory, nor by
mathematics, nor by the power OF
logic. It must be done physically.
The failure of the expedition as
government venture is chiefly charged
to the Gulnare.o Its failure as q private
project will, doubtless be conceded as
due TO the same cause. The Geuten-
ant makes much sport of the scientific
descriptions of the Attic animals.
He says the seal is no more a pachy-
derm than the elk of our plains, or a
yearling calf from our farms. The
writer evidently has no patience with
the claims made by many Arctic ex-
plorers to be regarded as heroes and
martyrs. He ruthlessly punctures all
their professions.