The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1881-12-11
SUPPOSED sMARTNRss

A book with loose leaf should be bound
over to keep the piece.
The butcher pays for most Of his tools,
but he steels all his knives.
When beef becomes a grain stale the
butcher makes corn beef OF 1t.
When a tenant wishes to hold his dwell
ing house for another year he releases 1t.
The butcher is noted for his elegance OF
apparel. He dresses to kill and he kills to
dress.
Mr. Cobb recently married Miss Webb.
He knew they were intended for each other
as soon as he spider.
The butcher is different from the baker.
The butcher doesn't mind q little smoke
when he does his bacon.
The force of habit example has no effect
on the man in the moon. He stays sober
when the moon gets full.
Ifa two-wheeled vehicle is a bicycle, and
A three-wheeled tricycle., II does not iol-
low that the one-wheeled is an icicle, 1t is
awheel-barrow.
"Are you feeling very ill?" asked the
physician; 'let me see your tongue, please. "
"Its no use, doctor" replied the patient;
"no tongue can tell how bad | feel"
A St. Louis paper says that a woman OF
that city "has gained a national reputation
as a maker of boxing gloves" The name
of her unhappy husband is not given,
A cold weather conundrum; "Will the
coming man shut the door behind him?' is
the latest inqdiry 1t is to be hoped that
he will, for the going man seldom does
The butcher has been known to cut off a
calls head and sell it, and the calf said not
word. In past, present or future, there's
none like the butcher Detroit Free Press,
"Who wrote the book Of James, in the
New Testament?n asked Sunday school
teacher in Missouri village, and little fel-
low at the foot of the class shouted, THE
James boysl"
Intellectual legs: A London woman
asthete on Mr.. Irving's limbs, thus in
dulges. "Mr, Irving's legs are limpid and
utter. Both are delicately intellectual, but
his left leg is poem"
Score one for the landlord "Ths pie
isn't fit for dog to eat" muttered Pin
CRY. "0h, beg psrdon!" exclaimed the
landlord II didn't mean to give that to
you, Mr. Pinsry. OF sourse it is not Mt"
All the particulars Colonel said a
man who wanted to make out q geneolog-
ical tree, Colonel, how can | become thor
oughly acquainted with my family history"
"Simply by running for Congress" an
swered the Colonel.
Acme of politeness: De politest man l
eber seed was at railroad depot. A fell
low with lot OBJ trunks on long thing.
wheelin' aroun' as though he was tryin ter
run ODER everybody. Finally man step
ped up an seq II see yer has siderable
trouble runnin' agin people. To oblige yer
I'll stan in front of yer machine"
II know said the little girl to her elder
sisters young man at the supper table,
that you will join our society for the pro-
lection of little birds because mamma says
You are very fond Of larksn Then there
was silence and the Linberger cheese
might have been heard scrambling around
in its tin box on the cupboard shelf.
The melancholy pork-packer; Hamlet
(raising)-Do you see this bundle, that bet
on q bobtail =? Polonius (raising)-By the
mass, and It's like bobtail, indeed. Ham
let (raising)-Ms thinks it is like a flush
Polonus frightened and calling)-It is
is backed like flush. Hamlet (smiling)-
Or like full Polonius Qosing)-Very like
a full Alarum and &c. B."
A new boarder at the Occidental gazed
fixedly at his plate the other morning, and
then said as there reliable physician
stopping in this house?n "Yes, SIR" said
the waiter. Good surgeon, too, ehT'
"Believe so, sir" "Then just see if he is in
his room before | start on this breakfast.
had brother choked to death on q steak
like that once and I'm bound to take all
the necessary precautions. "-[San Fran
cisco Post
A Youthful Critic.-Charlic Smallfsce is
continually mislaying his memorandum
book. We noticed it carefully hung up on
the floor of his room this morning, and
opened it at tho last entry, which was
"My father says, AN honest man is the
noblest work ofGod.' saw the same re-
mark in newspaper. This prove. the old
man plagiarist, and no plagiarist is an
honest man. There is no 'noblest work in
orr family -