Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-01-20


A BoYIsH novice in smoking turned
deadly pale and threw away his cigar.
Said he: "Thar's something in that air
cigar that's made me sick II know
what it is, " said his companion, pulling
away. "What ?" "TUbacker.
A QUESTION or THE ovER-soUI.
A chicken lived: chic ken died;
His drumsticks Al d his wings we're fried,
His feathers Try dea er dried,
And, very shorty after, dy ed.
Sou be had none; admitting that,
How comes it? There upon her hat
His piumes-a mortal ehicken's-rlse
glorious bird Of paradise.
MAIDEN aunt to tall young nephew
GAS / stood by you in church, Percy
could not help being struck by your
size" Percy" Very sorry, aunt, but
there was such an awfully pretty girl
the other side the aisle / couldn't help
signing T.
/ SAID to my little girl one day:
"What large forehead you have. 1t
is Just like your fathers; you could
drive a pony carriage round it. To
which her brother. 5 years old, said :
"Yes. ma, but on pas you can see the
marks of the wheels.
HERE is an inscription ON soldier in
the kirkyard of Dnmfries:
Here lies andrew Macpherson,
Who was peculiar person,
He stood six feet two
Without his shoe,
And was sew
A. waterloo.
The Galveston boy is progressive. He
was standing IN crowd of boys on the
! sidewalk when his mother called to him
| to go down town and bring her demi-
| john of whisky. The boy vas too busy
to go, but he called out: "Send the old
man I've got considerable confidence
in him.
He was fine-looking man, and he
proudly strutted down the sidewalks
with the air Of proprietorship in every
movement. g Beg pardon, said stran-
ger, as he stepped up to him, hat in
hand, in utmost humility. do have
your permission to remain in town over
night ?"
MoSs. DUPONT, who was widower,
re married. 1t was in full honeymoon.
and he made countless tender protesta-
| tons. g will always love you, he said
to her. "Alwa5 ,, always ?" a. As long
as ] live" "And afterward, you will
not love me III eternity ?" {. But have
already promised that to my first wife.
BE was great bore, ana was talking
10 a crowd about the coming local cleo
lon. Said he Jones is a good man.
He is capable, honest, fearless and corr
scientious. He will make the very kind
Of an officer we need. He once saved
! my life from drowning" DO you real
" want to see Jones elected +? said a
solemn faced old man. 81 do, indeed.
I'd do anything to see him elected
Then never let anybody know he saved
your life. . The meeting then adjourned.
A JOLLY LOOKING German was quietly
walking down Third avenue, looking up
occasionally at an elevated railway loco
motive, and perhaps wishing he could
smoke as much as it could, when he was
Familiarity approached by man who
said, Hello, Joe What are you doing
here ?" The old man looked and sa
But am not here at all. Not
here ?" said the man. What do you
mean by that?" "Vell, now, you see
nv name is not Joe, and so how could I
be here? You must mean some other
man. "-Neto York Herald.
London F0gs.
Fifty years ago, when we first became
acquainted with them, London fogs we're
tad enough; but they were on COM
parativeiy limited scale. They have
since attained maryelousiy grand dimen-
sions and intensity. according to the in
crease of houses and population. What
we ordinarily call London, but is more
directly styled the Metropolis, has spread
and spread till it covers a space Of about
100 square miles. In the winter months
every house has coal fire, some of them
two, three, or four, aud there are numer-
GUS manufactures and pubic works with
furnaces and tall chimneys, all of which
less or more emit quantities of smoke.
This smoke mingles with what fog there
happens to be, and Ia6duces a curious
mixture, that is nov only beginning to
be rightly understood. Like every other
mist the fog which rises ard is waited
! along the valley of the Thames is CON-
posed Of small particles Of water that
ought properly to be dissipated by the
SUMS heat. Only with difficulty is the
sun able to undertake the duty The
smoke poured out from hundreds of
thousands of chimneys does not merely
mix with the fog; it coats each watery
particle with tarry, oily film, giving II
an unnatural character, and preserving
it. so to speak, from immediate diyper-
sion. A genuine London fog, therefore.
Is something more than fog. 1t il a
prodigiously large volume of mist held
in kind of thrllldom by oleaginous in
gradients foated from the tops If chin
neys. When we say ,,leaginous, we, for
convenience, take the readiest word 10
express O condition that would involve
some chemlcai explanations, which need
not be gone into. Every one will M.
| derstand that the smoke from the coal
! fires somehow unites inextricablY with
the particles Of mist, and keeps tie
whole thing lowering IN dense cloud
over the metropolis. Not only 50; the
dingy cloud dnrkens and pollutes the
| air, fills the streets, and to certain ex-
| cent the houses and lungs OF tile inlsai,-
itants. On such occasions the darkness
even at noon is SO great that dwellings,
and places of business have to be lit
with gas as at night. AS the London
| gas Is more remarkable for itsvoInme
than its purity, it aids in dsferioruting
| the atmosphere during fogs, already suf-
| ficiently tainted with the exhalations Of
| domestic sewage. At times it is as tilf-
| ticult to get breath Of fresh air as it u
to procure a good drink OF paIatable
water. - Chambers Jtur5,ai.
THEY have the speaking tube in Ger
MANI, but not the telephone as yet Orc
day tenant waited on his landlord to
pay his rent. The landlord, seeing that
| the peasant intended to stay, thought to
hurry him by saying through the tube:
g Gretchen, bring up my lunch. The
peasant declared that the instrument was
wonderful invention, and asked per-
mission TO speak through it, which was
granted He at once approached the tsbe
and puckering up his mouth, whispered:
" Gretchen, you may bring up lralcla for
two."
| A WOMAN was drowned the other day,
while being baptized, and if any para
grapher rings in hoary pun about the
deceased dying Of dip-theory, he should