The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-05-26
Johnny spllkins.

0OsuuJ HPAAAu0s
Johnny Spilkins, q Galveston boy OF
about twelve summers, has just returned
from brief visit to Austin, where he
has an uncle. Johnny must have spent
good deal Of his time in the capitol, and
have associated with Legislators, for he
terms and expressions. His Legislative
knowledge first cropped out when he
went to the door to answer ring OF the
bell. The clergyman was getting up
subscription list for an orphan asylum,
and had called to get subscription.
He asked Johnny if his father was in.
1.-THE Governor is ingaged just now
with official business of great import
ance. He is fling away batter-cakes, and
other internal improvements"
The clergyman stared, and said:
"Tell your father that would like to
see him. want him to subscribe to get
up benefit for the orphans"
"It is no use for you to introduce that
bill; besides, you ought to know that the
Governor has no jurisdiction in such
matters. You can get somebody to in
troduce your bill, but shall vote against
it. 1t is unconstitutional to vote the
money of the State to relieve orphans.
OF course, 1 am in favor of orphans.
They are good thing to have in the
family, but I don't propose that you
should open door to fraud and corrup-
ton by appropriating any Of the cash
balance for that purpose. Why should
the orphan he relieved when the boy
who has the mumps is overlooked?
Then, again, how are we to tell whether
they are orphans? They may have two
or three mothers apiece, for all this legis-
lature knows to the contrary. What
security has this house that the orphans
will ever see the money anyhow just
as like as not you will spend it in riotous
living. You had better withdraw your
motion. parson, for after this legislature
has set down on the crippled Confeder-
ate soldier it is not afraid of o whole
asylum full of orphans. close the de-
bate and the door," and John shut the
door in the clergyman's face. The latter
gasped for breath, but passed on, won
dering that be had not heard of Johnny's
insanity before.
When Johnny came back to the break
fast table his father asked him who was at
the door.
"It was the Rev. Goodman, but sat
down on him in the committee room. l
don't think he will bother this house any
more this term"
Johnnys father remarked that sending
the boy to Austin had made fool OF
him, but he thought he knew of a rem
edy. Johnny replied, carelessly, that
there had already been too much special
legislation in the family, and strolled off
to school.
His experience at school was very dis
conraging. When he was called on to
say his lesson he wanted to refer the
whole matter to the committee on sponges
and slate pencils. The teacher asked
him what he meant by talking such fool
ishness.
"That, sah," said Johnny, striking an
attitude, and thrusting one hand in his
vest-"that, sab, is o question that can
only be answered outside of this hall,
sah."
The teacher replied:
"Just as the gentleman wishes. After
adjournment We will have a joint-dis-
cussion.
And so they did. When Johnny came
home he was the sorest boy on Calves
ton island; but he was still chuckful of
legislative lore, for when his mother told
him that his father had left word for
him to clean up the yard, he laughed
contemptuously, and said:
"Ha! Another message from the Gov
ernor. believe the old man fancies he
can run this Legislature, but he will
find ont about that before the session is
| over"
When the old mar came home the
first thing he wanted to know was why
that yard wasn't cleaned up. Johnny
gave him seine nonsense about his OBJ
iecting to the Governor usurping legis-
lative power, when the old man reached
out and made successful motion to lay
Johnny on the table, and then with a
strap he had been holding in reserve, he
warmed up Johnny so that his applause
could be heard several hundred yards
OFT. Johnny wanted to tell the Cover
nor how much he admired his commute
ton policy, but there was such rush Of
business that he was overlooked.
"There," said Spilkins, ST., as he
threw away the strap, II reckon You
will never want to 60 TO the Legislature
again."
Johnny ID . private citizen now, and
lookn upon his Legislative experience - .
horTid drsan.