Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-08-25

suBrRBs ov ALREADY, Aug. Is, 1885,

Mtsfur Axe
The wether haz bin DO hot an dri that
I hav abowt bride up miself, whltch
ackouuts fur mi silense, I reckun. But
az the water-million krap IL gud, ma
be abil tn tuck It thru. Thar liz nuthin
ov vimportense transpirin In the Subirbs.
Thar IL jest thre topicks ov note trans
pirin: Fust, the Kurnel's melon patch;
secondly, howse-muvin bi John Whit
wurth, and thirdly. the pedlers an ther
snemi. se bi the RKaEsTuR that the
Kurnel's pa tch IL beginin tn yeald frute.
at larst. am veri glad tu here II, fur
I expeckt tu revil In the lucksury ov
that patch veri mutchli, jest az sune M
tina begin tn ripen fast enuf tn keps me
supplide. CESS most ov the millions
liz tn large, or wud hav seen sum ov
them. Thar IL wun konsolashun: Will
I am watin fur the Kurnel tn kum
round, I kan be kinder .fillin on sum
things Hill an Hotsun IL bringing frum
the Sunni Sowth. 2ndly-JohD Whit
wurth's howse-muvin wus kompletc
sucksess. He got the ole bifdin jackt
up, an lade sum bords on it fur lt tn
OUs al kOb ulb S0CnOI OIl ICul ~ kOs
when he hitched his old mare tu wun
end ov the rope an hollered, when the
nobel beest CAV o pul oltngether-an
the place that nu that bildin, muse In no
NOR; fur the kritter acktuaIi pulled the
bildin tn peeces, rite In the middel.
John tuck it veri feelesophicalli; fur he
sade he wus glad ov II, fur now he cud
make tn bildins out ov it, and put 'em
where he wautid 'em. 3ly-'l'he ped
lers an ther snemi IL the prinsiple ov
konversashun an observashun Abowt
cfinnur time. The ralsrode kumpany
hav bin tryin tn get rid ov the pi ped
lers that infest the depo, tn the injuri
ov the eatin-hous. AZ tina Rad tn deal
with wimin an Children, tina tride tn
git sum.wun tu put them oph. Mistur
D'Mire, the agint, tride ia keep them
oph without forse, an tina wudent sta
ava. Then the boss sent Mistur Bires,
ov Irontun, tn put 'em oph, an Arrest Of
necessari. He warnd 'em oph; but no
gud. Then Mistur Bires wus instruc-
whu cud take 'em bi the brltches an
thro 'em oph. An the job wus wun
which REX wired q man whu wus reck-
lus ov rotton egs, an whu bad no re-
putashun tn luze, an wun tn hoom q
smal salari wus enticin, tugether with
the oner of the offs. Itwus dihkult tu
find him. Al larst wun Kox, q CRATE
big, ovurgrone, bushy-hedld man ,hoose
veri aperence inspired the Children with
the idear ov "bugger," kane forard an
volunteered tu sackrInse whot leetle re-
specka biliti he had left fur the snke ov
q star on on hiz brest an ten dollurs .
munth. Mistur Kox hax put In hix
sperance at the depo with leetls star
abowt ga ov q inch frum pint tn pint,
an feels az prowd ov it az ef it wus the
epulett ov Msjer-1enerl, an struts
aroun the platform like q grate big tur-
key gobbeler amung hens an chickins.
The pedlers an this man owe the small
star have . turn Almost everi da; but
no egs yit. A fu daze ago the grand
bouncer bounced Mrs. Wethers ovur,
an az result he got rock side ov hiz
he'd, an arrestid fur assalt an batteri,
when he wus find SO an kosts. Sins
which time he has not bounst aroun
so fre. Mrs. w. told him Of she had
kpowd he wus % hard up she wud bav
got up q subscription Rmung the pas
singers tn bi him sum klose, or git hfs
washed, 90 he wud apear descent at the
depo whar thar wus lsdiz an gentelmin.
Pore feller; he has hard time ov IL, but
I am glad ov 10. He haz got 10 that
he komz hiz hare an washes hiz fase,
when ne Gums tn the depo now. The
Subirbs IL impruvin nltili. John Whit
wurth IL biloin nu hous, an the Little
Pusher haz got buggi, an Mrs. Reeves
haz bIlt Q nu hous, also Misses Austin.
Likwize Jim Berd haz made wunderful
In the hous on the hill.
The brige'stil stands, but u little lop-
sided. The arkitect still lives.
MIKE DoDsoN.