The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-05-26
Lady PhysicianA
WHY 1T WILL NEVER DO no CALI
THEM FOR A VERY SICK MAN.
Peck's Sun .

| Peck's Sun.
A st. Louis doctor factory recently
turned out dozen female doctors. AS
long as the female doctors were con-
fined to one or two in the whole coun-
try and those were only experimental,
we held our peace, and did not COM
plain; but now that the colleges are
engaged in producing female doctors
as a business, we must protest, and i'm
SO doing will give a few reasons why
female doctors will not prove q pay
ing branch of industry.
In the first place, If they doctor any
body it must be woman, and three
fourths Of the women would
| rather have a male doctor. Suppose
those colleges turn out female doctors
until there are as many OF them as
there are male doctors, what have they
got to practice OIL? A man, if there
was nothing the matter with him,
might call in female doctor, but if
he was sick as a horse (if man is
sick he is sick as horse), the last
thing he would have around would be
a female doctor. And why? Because,
when a man has female fumbling
around him he wants to feel well. He
don't want to be bilious or feverish,
with his mouth tasting like cheese,
-nd his eyes bloodshot, when the fe-
male is looking him over and taking
account of stock.
OF course, these female doctors are
all young and good-looking, and if
one of them came into a sick-room
where man was in bed, and he had
chills, and was as cold as wedge,
and she should set up close to the side
of the bed and take hold of his hand.
his pulse would run up to hundred
and fifty, and she would prescribe for
fever when he had chilblanes. Oh,
you can't fool us on female doctors. A
man who has been sick and had male
doctors, knows just how much he
would like to have female doctor
come tripping in and throw her fur
lined cloak over chair take off her
hat and gloves and throw them on a
lounge, and come up to the bed with
a pair of marine blue eyes, with o
twinkle in the corner, and look him
in the wild, changeable eyes, and ask
him to run out his tongue. Suppose
he knew his tongue was coated so it
looked like a yellow Turkish towel,
do you suppose he would want to run
over five or six inches of the lower
part of it and let that female doctor
put her finger on it to see how fur it
was? Not much. He would put that
tongue up into his cheek, and
wouldn't let her see it for twenty We
cents admission. We have all seen
doctors put their hands under the bed
clothes and feel of mans feet to see
If they were cold. If a female doctor
should do that it would give a man
cramps in the legs. A male doctor
can put his hand on n mans stomach,
and liver and lungs, and ask him if he
feels.any pain there, but if female
doctor should do the same thing it
would make man sick, and he would
want to get up and kick himself for
employing female doctor. Oh, there
is no use talking it would kill man.
Now, suppose man has heart dis
ease and female doctor should want
to listen TO the beating of his heart.
She would lay her left ear on his left
breast so her eyes and rosebud mouth
would be looking right in his face and
her wavy hair would be scattered all
around there getting tangled in the
buttons of his night shirt. Don't you
suppose his heart would get in about
twenty extra beats to the minute?
You bet! And she would smile-we
will bet ten dollars she would smile
and show her pearly teeth, and the
ripe lips would be working as though
she were counting the beats, and he
would think she was trying to whis-
per to him, and. Well, what
would he be doing all this time? II
he was not dead yet, which would be
a wonder, his left hand would brush
the hair away from her temple and
kind of stay there to keep the hair
away, and his right hand would get
sort of nervous and move around to
the back of her head, and when she
had counted the beats few minutes
and was raising her head he would
draw her head up to him and kiss her
once for luck. if he was as bilious as a
Jersey swamp angel, and have her
charge it in the bill. And then a re-
action would set in and he would be as
weak as cat, and she would have to
fan him and rub his head till he got
over being nervous, and then make
out his prescription after he got to
sleep. No; all of mans symptoms
change when a female physician is
practicing on him, aud she would kill
him dead.
| FLOWERS for house or garden per