The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1881-07-07
THE NEWSPAPER.



Just before beginning his days work, and
thought no had brought his paper about
IA near perfection ~ possible for an orii.
nary-sized town close 10 half dozen hig
cities. aud he WAS wondering how lie
might further improve il. when his cogi.
tations were interrupted by Nh acluaint-
ance coming in.
.Hello. Mr.. Scissors. lie facetiously
said. writing up editorials with the
shears, eh2'
The editor tried 10 smile at the old
joke. and the visitor went ON. II tell
yuu what II IA, Jones, YOU have 4 pretty
good paper. hut what do you want in q
town like this with long editorials /? Give
us short oncs. You can't mold public
sentiment. you must simply echo il. !"
Then he left, and Jones told his associate
not to write any long editorials that day,
rs he proposed, for once, 10 make tho
Fapdoodi. Just 10 suit every subscriber
who wanted change. In a half hour
along came wicked fellow who talked
newspaper long while. and then said
he didn't see any use Of Sunday reading.
nor amy other religious matter in lm.
per, and II II was his he would bounce il
nil. The editor said nothing. hut when
the man went away he told his Sunday
editor not to send any matter for that
day. Then Jones rested and Thought for
few minutes, and a pious old party
dropped in. A lie knew . good ,leal
about the business in its moral aspect,
he talked along. and at last said that no
newspaper could he dccent which al.
mitted to III columns any sensational
matter. any advertisements other than
the most heightened, any slangy sqnils,
or anything which could not he read
without blush by the most carricionslv
fastidlous. Jones was silent, hut later
he went and ordered all that matter set
aside. So far. Iones thought he was
getting things to suit pretty we'll. and
then another man came in. and like the
others. knew all about the business If
editing a paper He was a city petit.
clan. and said. "Mr, jones. You don't
have enough politics. Why don't You
throw out these farm notes,
and kitchen receipts, and odds and
ends II old news. and telcgraphsc
brcyities which We get III the other pa.
pers and give us pollticss That's what
the children cry for. Again was Jones
silent aud later gave orders far the *.
pulsion Of all this objectionable matter
aud waited for tho next one lie came
pretty soon. and no had coffin for q
coat aud n shrond for handkerchief, and
he smelt like the dust which blows off II
Askeleton. Said he, .Lunes, | like Your
paper. hut what do You run that funny
business in il fars It's silly. stale. and
fiatter than last year i ale with the bottle
left open. What does man want Ia
laugh for anyhow This is a valc If
tears and We should always remember
that in the uncertainty II life death may
cut Us Oft with an idle laugh upon our
lips" "Ihat's 81. greanel Jones. 'Ill
cut every line II fun right out" and oil
h. hurried anu out went all tho funny
business. As he went home ut noan hc
met a lady who SAID she didn't So
what they wanted ~ III = paper full Il
politics for. because nobody Rad that,
Don't theyss said Jones. sthen ont She
coes, AMI when he got hack il all won't
ont. I'm hound IL please EN- all said
the editor. III have h huy a new az.
flee" Right after dinner man ot business
proclivities came in and said he aiant
see any use Of these silly little per.
sonals and them short local items that
didn't amount 10 ANYTHING anyway. Ii
iAwas his paper he would hare scme-
thing Of a higher nature or lot the place
70 hare. Janes listened and told tho
foreman to whaek out all that sort ii
s,nif At once, Then he felt easier, till
lot II pretty girls came in. aud. after
making 4 purchase. asked him what 4
newspaper was filled full Of advertise.
meats fars nobody ever reaa them. and
eae SAIL She VAS guing H. stop taking
the paper ii lie Was going 10 I'LL ii up
that way. Jones toll the Young lady he
would have paper IL SUI, every one. or
rather made after the suggestions II
every one. and he hoped she would not
lind fault, Then he went and ~.
derea out every 'aa.' and smack
and smooth. and waited for
tho next man, lie came along pretty
soon. aud said he could stand anything
hut poetry. and that Was his ahamsaa.
ton III newspaper, and il never enght
to encounter the columns al local Jour
nal. because II was meant for magazines.
and that sort II papers Jones took il
IN, and went out aud ordered all his fine
poetry knocked down. Then he waited
again, and = woman came in, and said
the fashion notes were no good. because
the magazines had them All in greater
quantity. and another thing she didn't
like. VAS the MAJ. sets. .What coed
was them." abe said. II don't know, =
he replied, 80 Ill throw EN- out" II
hope You will, she answered. and wen,
In TAM aap i
fashions wers on the standing galley,
Jones began 10 look around. and rs III
was studying. small boy said to him
that marriage and death notices was
mighty thin readin'," aud Jones' slun,
them clear out into the corner. Aztec
this change he went over into the count
Ing Rom. aud an old man was ther,
waiting h pay his subscription. Its !
good paper, jones, but in this place va,
only want To take notice III local aslssirs
and let all the miscellaneous and genera
business 20, and---shen Jones gave In,
old fellow = receipt and rushed hack M,
took out all the miscellaneous aud cen
eral matter that Was left, and ms he tool
ont the last handful friend cam
through the office aud critically exanin
ing his surroundings. said. The f2a,4
doodle 10 good paper. Jones, hut d
think YOU have the ngliest head on il
ever saw. Why don't You change /,
I'm certain never would IL, such hen,
appear ON paper Of mine. A
right, said Jones. and of came IN
head. "Now. Mr.. Foreman" he c.n
tinned. lock up the forms and sen
them down 10 the press ROOM Tn
forms were duly locked aud wen, aowf
and the paper came out and was iii.
trihnted US usual The next morning
the politician. and the solemn man
the friend. the school girl, the wa,na,
the small boy. and all the rest 1
them were standing around the fiag
aooeiis Office with blank sheets IL pane
in their hands; not q line. no, Word
not sign IT ANYTHING on il but column
rules, with nothing between. "Hou i
this?' said each to the other. ian,
where's tina. fool editor, 10 impose ON Ii,
IN this xayy' While they were tins
talking. the devil came In with = lett,