Connecticut western news., 1881-05-04
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIFI AND WloUVMs V
 MARRIAGE, says Blackstone, is civil contract. Very civil before marriage but afterward? "ss ""'h"iT1~<pr
 HERE is another attempt to deprive woman of her rights A male wretch has got up an invention to prevent the slamming of doors. .s-.-l a,ass ss
 A MISSISSIPPI man puts it thus 'tAt the earnest solicitation of those to whom I owe money I have consented to become a candidate for county treasurer.' ssis
 KEEP up with the procession of life, young man close up to the band. If you ever fall to the rear, where the ele- phants are, you are apt to get trod on.
 THE new Czar leads avery simple life. He rises early and breakfasts with his family, and then puts on his boiler-iron overcoat and takes walk in the back yard.
 PERSONS who know about such mat ters say it seldom or never happens that two persons of opposite sexes are equal ly much in love with each other at the same time. -...,.s.r.,r ,-,., ,.D, -.-
 MERCHANTS who don't advertise, and let people know that they have goods to sell, save one great expense. They are not put to the extremity ofrhiring clerks to assist in selling them. "i .e'7fw
 "IN WHAT condition was the patriarch Job at the end of his life ?" askeda Sun- day school teacher of quiet looking boy at the foot of the class. ." Dead," calmly replied the boy.
 ONE of the most delightful periods of a mans life is the moment when he drops slippery cake of soap in the bath-tub and runs his fist up, and down the zinc hunting for it. ,esiw lo aizsuu
 SOME of the younger people of Fitch burg, Mass, are carrying on courtships by telephone, and the Boston Globe wants it stopped before the wires get all gummed up with taffy.-
 "MY DEAR" said an anxious matron to her daughter, |" it is very wrong for young people to be throwing kisses at each other" "Why so, mamma I'm sure they don't hurt if they;do hit" l IN THE opinion of the Burlington Hawkeye, good poet, with das light touch of humor, can make more tmoney writing liver pad .''ads" and Eminent notices than Virgil got for his "Eneid. !"
 AN old couple were walking down street the other day, reading signs,
 when they ran across one which the old
 man read thus :.., "Johnson's Shirt
 Store" "Well,, I declare r exclaimed the old lady,.'"' I! wonder how hhe, tore it?"
 TIE Warsaw Cwydoming county Dens- ocrat relates that a Geneseo Deacon, about to offer temperance prayer, was headed off by the leader of the melting, who said: Brother M. is triAe in- consistent; his cellar is full of cider. . Brother M subsided. |" I'.asslho& A PH11ADEnpH1A society is wrestling with the question: a" When man has
 his life insured for $100, ,000,i is his
 wife justified in refusing to prepare mustard plaster for him when he is
 seized with sudden and severe attack of the cramps?" f ... .... ,,,.,., ...,n THERE will be no college student walters in the summer resort hotels this year. The proprietors of the hotels found that the guests were always nerv- ous for fear the fellows would imagine
 themselves at college and send in po- tato on rising curve instead of passing it.
 THE London ,St0s,ddrd refused to
 publish report of the universityEsports,
 because some of the committee were
 discourteous to the reporter.2 We do
 these things better in America.a The l reporter holds his peace, writes 8 fine account of the affair, and spells the names of the committee wrong. l THIS is the touching question ad- 3 dressed to the Philadelphia Times by a 3 young contributor :ya (" Dear ,Sir.-Is , once @ week too often to call on young 3 lady when you are not engaged to her ? 1 The Times is compelled to confess it l doesn't know. Perhaps if the young
 man would call oftener it might lead to an engagement, and thus uai solve a'et the rid
 dle.
 g THAT editors are the kindest persons ;, in the world is proved by the following g fact, which we find in an exchange "A
 subscriber to certain paper died few
 days ago, leaving fourteen years sub- scription unpaid. The editor appeared
 at the grave when the lid was being r screwed down for the last time, and put in the coffin a palm leaf far, .alinen coat
 and thermometer. >s7 E:a i1cc I AT social gathering the other day s on the sidewalk of Galveston avenue,
 the respective merits of Pete Freer and Bill Hoefing as conversationalists were n discussed. Ed. Braden, who was pres- r. ent, contended that while Bill rHoefing l had the most beautiful flow of language,
 Pete Freer used the best grammar, and f more of it, and was the best-looking n man of the two. "'That may be" re-
 sponded Gilhooly, who was present,
 "but I had rather listen to Bill Hoeding
 keep his mouth shut. for half an hour,
 than to hear Pete Freer talk all day"