The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1881-01-15

teller at onct tried ehO0tln' apple
OF n boys head 18th an arfsr-ihat
bow would have knocked an eleiaut
OF n that boys head. If he'd bin
thar. 'TEar q powerful bow. All
the poor mems plasters. mustard
plasters an Spanish fy plssters. in
creation, couldn't draw that bow
back q foot. Why ger guv' ner could
draw a 'slihcste of lection for the
wrong man, sooner IAN he'd draw
that bow. Talk about me drawin'
bow-no, cir Tie man as drsY'd
q white elerisnt outen q lot'ry couldn't
draw'd that bow, A poor preacher
d draw a congregation an he'd
drawed that bow. The only way for
a common man to draw that bow,
would be to get picter drawer to
draw it. Yer could draw veTdio'
from an honest jury. specially II
yer d offer 'em oyster supper, a
durnd sight sooner ''an ye'd draw that
bow, Why the American eagle
would q .hsd no chance agin that bow
but bless yer boy, that Injun war
too big ter live. He'd eaten up one
butler an tie hind quarter Of
nuiher enc, to q meal, when De
busied-yes, sir, busted wide open,
w.ackin' the whole Crow village an
kilIin' fourteen bucks. ten squews an
fifty pspeoses. Gss-yes 'blieye't wsr
gas; least so the gov'ment st Wash.
ington, who'd had committee a
sittin' on il, for three months, said it
war.
20, yer mean 1 can .talk-yes l
Gao talk leetle; but bless, yer, / can't
talk much. Ye'd orter q heard a
uncle hsd-he could talk leg of
an alligator. He talked his fathers
donkey ter death afore be was ten
years old-'tore uncle was, not the
donkey-an' all the Majors, for ten
miles round, war 'frsid of him. Gals
can stand talk, some, bu! be war
powerful on the talk an the parents
fesr'd for 'em. They told him as be
mustn't stay morn half hour at once
fer, you see. he talked two gals inter
consumption, an two more got ter
loCkjsw, cause be used hisjaw so much.
His pa made him swyer, but he
talked the Jury to sleep, or inter q
trance, SOS they didn't wake fer two
weeks; an 60 obfusticated the Judge
in his interlectooal faculties, as be
war sent to ther madhouse. Vas. he
war useful thai ucy, for when folks
had a iedge as shey didn't like, Uncle
Jacks sure to be sent fer. an he
never failed t. fetch ther Judge ter
tow in ther 'sylum. Got SO well
known. q. jedges would resis
rather than hear him, and he had IL
qui. Iawing, or thsr noble perfeshion
would bin spoiled. So his pa told
him to go inter ther lishtnin' rod
business Bat he couldn't stick to
thet. Folks told him they'd rather,
a blamed sight. be struck by lishtnin'
than hear him tslk-'twsr death
airy way, and llghtnin' put 'em
quickest outer misery. Then he tried
Their book agency business. an for
one volume sold he gave them ten in
tax. Lord love you, they couldn't
STAN it. an he had ter quit.
But he got cured to last.
you Jest bet be did. He got
iutermate with q pretty wilder, "a
had talked elk husbands to death, an
she cured bis aoose for him. Fer
ther first six weeks after q manyin'
Of her you'd q thought thar war
circus in town-ther way they two
talked-but when the talk wouldn't
do, an he's to beat her, she jest
grabbed Their broom. Their chuTn
dssher, fire irons. plates, pots an
pans, snythin' at come in ther way;
and she bein' a masteriul. strong
woman, an be havin' grown mostly
inter tongue, she jest cowed him inter
silence.
"But about that Blackfoot Injun-
l don't like Injuns centrally, but
did like him an I'il tell yer of him
when / git more time. I've had
wonderful hist'ry--looked death in
ther face more an onct, ar beat him
too-bled an died fer my country
many a time, an if any feller's
worthy a seat ia Congress. or PEN
shun from gov'ment for the benefits
OF what he expexts to do, I'm ther
man."