The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-01-08
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Clothes connectiOns-A pair OF oraces'
An elastic deyerson-A rubber of whist.
lively night for Mormon fathers-Deccmber
Too child there is no time like the present
time.
Where ignorance is bliss It's folly to be bills
tered
. tromn,s motto-"A little earning is dan
gerous thing"
There was sound of rivalry by night IL was
The cat
Darn the stocking that could catch no Christ
mas present.
A Texas paper has an advertisement lot
shady gentlemens residence"
Shakespeare knew all about doctors. lie saiu:
'How poor are they that have not patience!
Some boys are too slow to catch fish, but the
LATEST can catch licking.
II is sad to think that peacock can be so
fowl and yet SO fairy o. Picay1ne
Fashion says Gathered waists are still in
favor for young ladies'" They are with the
young gentlemen.
Denver has policeman who writes poetry and
sends it to the newspapers. There are worse
places than Boston for an editor.
"Do you throw in ireescapc with this
whiskyyn was asked in Wheeling bar-room
the other day IVheeling Lel9er.
1t is considered lawful for clergymen to ex.
change pulpits on a Sabbath day. but il would
not look we'll for them to swap jack.knvcs.
Michigan farmer invented trick with hole
in it, He sold rolls Of butter that mad been
made hollow, filled with water and frozen solid.
An exchange says: Streams all over the
country are running dry" This is a canard
When a stream is dry it can't run.
well fed hog reused up in his sly,
And dropped regretful tear
"The beautiful snow has come" he SAID,
And Staying will soon be here"
New York boarding house took fire the other
night. and the flames got as far as the pantry,
when they went out for want Of fuel
youth who was trying TO master bicycle,
when asked his age, said he had seen fifteen
summers and about one hundred and fifteen falls.
The case of Cadet Whitaker is to be settled
very soon. Mr.. Whittakcr's ears are still short.
If they were not he might be taken fer an Ohio
man aud might get through.
Emma Abbott tells ST. Louis reporter that
the stage kiss is "cold, dim, pale phantom
unsatisfactory, elusive and empty" Miss Abbott
should get new tenor at once.
Jones thinks man is fortunate who has his
will contested after death only. He says his
will has been contested ever since he married
Mrs Jones
Ladies, says the Lo,.doa Truth, will be glad to
hear that the "Auttering frog" is the name Of
The last new color; ii is rather lighter than
Enlightened toad" or 'angry mouse"
A rich Bostonan's will can be broken at any
time on plea that he didn't know what he was
about when he made it, If it doesn't contain a
bequest to Harvard College
Catey went home the other night very tired
He sat for some time with his sleepy gaze riveted
on Ms. Carley and then complacently remarked;
well, declare Y you two gals don'tl look 'nough
like 20 be twins"
The Sweet Singer of Michigan has been heard
from at Mentor in the following terms:
q, mighty Garfield, thou dost fllest
The seat which for thee people willcst.
Thy fame resounds through I'LL the land
IN palace great and peanut.stand.
Mr. Hayes Qoq. There is an office vacant
Ohio men will please sit down-a sheriil's Office
is to he flled-rcally, we cannot proceed if these
Ohio citizens crowd around so-a sheriil's Office
raean, in Ireland. The two preceding occupants
have been shot. Where are all those Ohio men"
The authors of beautiful Snow" and "Rock
Ne to Sleep" intended to have grand intcrna-
tionai reunion at Chicago on Christmas, but
that city provided so miserably for the accommo.
dation OF the Knights Tempar last summer that
the project was abandoned.
lts hope that keeps US up for time,
It's hope that keeps our memories green,
i.3 hope that makes our lives sublime,
IT'S soap that keeps us clean.
A young lady Of Moultrie county sends in a
communication on some presumably interesting
topic, with the request to please PRINT II not
too full.n 1t is hardly necessary to say that we
hurl back the base insinuation with scorn--also
the cOmmunication.-Chi Chicago Tribune
"The Associated Press is a great boon, is 1t
not'" said the Notwithstanding scion OF Chi
cagO sire to beautiful Boston girl, full OF senti.
ment and oysters, as they were returning from
the theatre. at is, indeed" she replied in soft
tones; George and | had one all last winter, but
papa came In one night before George could take
his arm away and acted dreadfully. Do they
have them in Chlcago" 81 should blush to
mutnur," responded the untutorcd Chicagoan,
as he measured her surcngc belt with his strong
night arm.
lie axed if he might see her home:
She aXed him in to tea;
He never hestated, but
Accepted speedily.
Administer carpets Oh the floor
And things accessory;
81 wonder, thought he, "is this all
Accessible to me?'
Just then the Widow B. came home,
Quite axidentally
And with her broom that young mans leave
Accelerated she.
ihnu oh this rndnnf rnada a IN In I,rint Il