The Dillon tribune., 1881-04-02

l
Mark Twain SAYS that nothing seems to
please fly SO much US to be mistaken for
huckleberry, and II ii can he pal,ned off
ON the unwary as current it dies happy.
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The Chicago Tribune says that seventy.
eight patents were issued to women last
year, but not one OF them was an indicator
showing whether there was man under
the bed.
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Teacher: ibid / not tell you to be pre-
,,ared with your history iesson' And here
you are unable to repeat II word OF it,
Scholar: II didn't think it was necessary,
sir; I've always heard that history repeats
itself"
"a sealskin sack, hey!" said Czardine to
his Oldest daughter. "1.ook at yer first
mother. She wasn't alters askin' for seal.
skin sacks; u fig leaf satisfied her, and We
learned when she went to church the lilies
Of value wasn't rugged up like her."--White.
hall Times.
And SO Sam Carey has quit politics and
turned revivalist. This is the worst blow
the American branch Of the church mill
tant has ever received. Emerson once
characterized Carlyle as "a trip.hanner
with an 4Eolean attachment" Carey is
hay Of wind with gong attachmen; and II
a g,.sh annex.
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,xr .1N,,S1f F." SniN
Young Sweeps to his rich old uncle, who
was telling the story Of his early trials for
the hundredth time. "What do you mean
by cottage-built mani" asked his uncle.
"a man with only one story" answered
young Sweeps That settled it. Young
Sweeps was left out Of his uncle's will.
Scene: Lumberinan's office: Enter Old
Gentleman (musical)-"H you any
plane tree wood:" Timber Merchant
(whose hopes arc raised in anticipation Of a
good ordcr)-"Yes, sir; pray walk in, sir;
A. fine stock as any in town, sir. Would
YOU prefer it in the plank or in the.-ah-
iogi" Old Gentleman-"O, thanky, I'm
not particular. want bit tor fiddle.
bridge.
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A Harlem man t.lcgrapl,cd to his firm In
New York: II shall not be in my office
to-day as have not got home yesterday
vet"-Exchange.
Some Of our Mormon polyganists have
30 many ho,nes-that is, ono place ono
week, and another woman next week
that they have to keep clerk and rcgula,
hook account to know when they are a
.,o,ne.-Ogden Pilot.
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There are some curious notions Of hu
,nor afioat 1.-THE Observer" says that DR.
Charles Hodge had "vein Of pleasant hui
nor in him." and gives as an illustration o
the fact the story that minister being OF
a visit to him was asked to preach in sem
mary chapel, but objected because h. ha'
nothing appropriate to say to the students
"Oh," replied DR.. Hodge, tive are all Sin
ners, that's one comfort"
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When the late Senator Matt. II. Carpen
ter was a hoy he did not like to work o.
the farm. One day his father left nome
telling him TO hoe u patch OF potatoes an
giving him two shillings with whic
to hire help. He bought shillings wort
Of whiskey and secured an lrishman t
help him. He would stand at the end OF
row and give the man drink as fast as |,
got round to him. The potatoes were 500
tocd and Matt. saved shilling.
A Leadviile paper remarks: When the
had finished lunch trey asked the pric
The waiter in attendance said: "One pies
Of pie 50 cents, one cup Of coffee IS cents
Is cents each-One OF the party grumbled
little about the price. llereupon the 81
man behind the counter Strengthened hin
self up, folded his arms In dignified ma
ner and said: "Stranger, look at me, do ye
suppose l am staying out here tor n
health?"
~~~~~~~~-~~~~-~~-~~.
The Chicago Tribune, having been ask
by subscriber whether or not It Is co
.idered proper for an engaged young wor
an to dance with young gentlemen at e
tertainments where her attianced does n
attend, says: Mt depends upon where "
live. In Boston or New York it might
but in Carson City or Leadville an c
gagged girl never dances with any gent
man except her aflianced. Very few M
are willing to die for the sake OF II girls Z
joyment."
He Spoke Truly.
It was at a table dA0te in Europe wht
Englishmen, Scotchlncn, and America