The new North-west., 1881-01-07
ALLEGED BITS or WIT.


Dramatically speaking, Buffalo. Bill must
lie shooting star sLo,tsii citissa. -
NY yscrincnt shall stand on desc three
p'nls," said n. eeiored preacher not rnarfy
Sundays ago: 1.-The -expoundin', 2, the
enlargin', ands, the rrousin"s - q
"why Doesrapa Sleep VI coid p'&ssks 1
sentimental song. Probably because mamma
ties herself up in the bed clothes and then
rolls over TO the wall with them.
A scotchman has intehted' process by
which oil can be poured upon troubled sea
so as TO still the waves. The next thing we
shall hear of will be oiled routes for ocean
steamships.-Ne,c York Commercial Adger-
tiser.
"You are now one," said the minister TO
the happy pair he had just tied together
with a knot that they could never undo.
(Which one pn asked The brides /" You viii
have to settle that for yourselves" said the
clergyman.
Gus Ito Frank, who Is chatting him about
his thin legs): MY dear fellow, We can't all
be cart. hsrses. Usefulness fl everything,
you know; aud there must be few thor
oughhreds here and there, G only for the
sake of ornament. PUCK.
The Haisksye thinks they will never;get to
the North Pole hnflftis announced thatthe
Government will establish IL into a new and
independent Confessional district. Then
look out for rush. There are men in the
State of Ohio who will walk TO it. .InLII3
"How Is IL that Wilkins and his wife live
so happily togetherP Why, they've been
married two and twenty years and have new
er had row." '"Oh, that's a very simple
matter. shesbut tale Mole day wshing,
and he's night watchman and out all
night"
A Philadelphia man has perfected an In
ventlon whereby sauer kraut can be boiled
in the house without any of the inmates
smelling H.. The invention consists Of a
small liyer-hke pad Of Llmburger cheese
worn under the inose.-Phtta. Chronicle
Herald.
"a borsef a .horset { my ldngdofn for o
horse" shouted a tragedian in Black Hills
theatre. Darn your kingdom" replied
grizzly bearded old miner. "Put up $l3 and
I'll bring you critter quicker'n Chinaman
can steal shirt" The actor escaped by a
back window and lit out for Boston.-Keo-
ktk Gate City. s*.yl ..-
"Now that the smoke af battle has cleared
away" wouldn't It be we'll to beat our cam
palgn poles and transpsetleies into plow
shares and pruning hooks, and forgive our
enemies until IL Is time TO wallop them
again? Is this sectional hate to 60 on torev-
er.Ietesnal q. aiumH end. maiuss4S-lFer.
rfS'O"n Herffi&A ua09 .gTWOE !
People should be careful 10 pun down the
blinds when retiring. The elhsr nightAthe
entire fire department assembled clear out at
Twenty y9sisah sstretA aSd discosereal AFTER all
hatihsalarm was seeasioaedhby the Irehec-
tion from the fire place on an old maid who
was going to bed in a suit of red flannel I'M
derclothes.--=Sap Francisco Post.
"My 'sperience In dis life has taught me
dat de man who swaps mules wild 1hisDeyes
shut am sartin to git de wust Oh it. Brud-
derby feelin' goes goodwa In case oh sick
ness, or want, or def, but it seldom reaches
bown to hoss trade. If war buyin' a
mule OBJ a man knowed all my life, I'd
begin at the hsofs and look dat animal all
ober to de pint of de nose. / shouldn't
spect him to tell me dat he had filed down
any teef or puttied ober any hoof cracks?
My advice am not to deceive or lie In tradin'
mules. but toapswers ss few questions ~ you
kin aH'seem SOFT o. o'keerless wbedder yo Offer
am 'cepted or rnot."-Brothcr Gardner In the
Detroit Free Press