Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-04-22
THE SITUATION EXPLAIN
Conkling, Matthews, Robertson
and Malone Set Alright.

| WAS uCdu-lONA IA blO SSboaSs ''sSA
that it?"
"Yes, and / read it all through, ant
when found Mr.. Conkling felt so baC
about it thought Mr.. Lock must be
Congressman
"No, he isn't, either. The deadlock
means that the Democrats and Repub
licans can't agree.
"Good gracious Havethey had anoth
er falling out? / shouldn't think tina
Republicans wouldn't fight the poor
Democrats any more. What have theI
been doing?"
They haven't been doing anything
Senator Malone, OF Virginia, went owe
to the Republicans, and
81 See" interrupted Mrs. SPoopen
dyke, land Mr.. Conkling won't have
him confirmed. Though l can't under
stand why they should interfere with
Mr.. Mahones religion. II the pool
man wants to join the church l CAM
see
"Who wants to join the church
Who's . church? Think Mr.. Conk'
liug's bishop? Got an idea he's an
altar? S'pose he's dod gasted chapel
with ivy all over him, a spike fence and
a chime of bells? It's Stanley Matthews
he don't want confirmed"
al read about him too, rejolned Mrs,
Spoopendyke. SHE'S Mr.. Gar6eld's col
lector, isn't he?"
mo, he amt. That's Judge Robert
son. Mr.. Garfield wants Judge Robert
son for collector, and Conkling is oppos
Ell to him."
IL don't see why he should be.
Though, of course, should suppose Mr.
Garfield would rather have man like
Mr. Malone, who is going into the
church"
Where's your sense?" snorted Mr..
Spoopendyke. "What dye want to mix
things up for? Trying to make grab
bag Of prominent Americans? Stanley
Matthews is candidate for Judge. Mr..
Malone is a Senator, aud Robertson is
appointed Collector, but, like Matthews,
hasn't been confirmed. Do you under
stand?'
"Of course. | understand that, but /
don't see any excuse fer fighting the
Democrats. unless they think that Mr..
Robertson would collect money from
Mr.. Malone, and Mr.. Matthews would
send him to Jail. In that case it would
be-
ain that case it would take you 10
Strengthen 'em out" squealed Mr.Spoop-
eudyke. "Whal're you trying to get up
now, an idiot asylum? Are you plan
ming for a murder and trying TO get up
an insanity plea? What dye think
Robertson'sgOing to collect-hens? Got
a notion that Matthews is a peniten-
tiary, sitting around to be leased out
Imagine Malone to be the National
debt? Well, they amt, they're men, l
tell YEMEN with legs" and Mr.. Spoop-
endyke kicked out both his own foot
handles by way OF illustration. "ConB-
ling is opposed TO Mr.. Matthews and
Robertson. He says they shan't be con-
frmed, but he is friend of MIR. Ma
hone"
That's what | didn't see." said Mrs.
Spoopendyke. al am glad Mr.. Malone
will be confirmed, though 1 don't care
for Mr.. Matthews Gnd Mr.. Robertson.
Ii will teach them to repent their sins
and not fly into the ways ofProvidence.
Pm glad Mr.. Conkling is good Episco-
palian."
"Oh! he's prayer book" howled Mr..
Spoop ,ndyke. you've found him out!
Oh we've got him! all he wants is red
cushion on a rack nailed up in front OF
him to be blasted mourners bench !
Didn't tell We he's Senator? Doyou
know what a Senator ISL It's some
thing shaped like plea cherry pie!
Understand it now1'
"And is Mr.. Malone Senator, too"'
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, a new light
dawning upon her.
"0h, no. he amt Senator" grinned
Mr.. Spoopendyke, "he's lightning rod
to keep spooning idiots from falling
overheard. Begin seeing into it? And
they want him confirmed, so if he finds
any dod-gasted old female named SpOop'
endyke stopping into a canal, he'll slam
a church on top OF her! Have you the
idea?"
upon my word, my dear" remon-
strated Mrs. Spoopendyke, "you talk ex
travagantly. Mr.. Malone may fight
Democrats, but he never would 20
round throwing churches at women.
don't know Mr.. Malone, but don't be-
lieye thing Of that kind. AS for Mr.
Matthews and Mr.. Robertson, they
know their business best. but il they
have abused Mr.. Conkling, i would
never read one OF Mr.. Matthews deci
sions, and Mr.. Robertson might cal
here every day for a month and he
could never collect the paper bill.
don't think it's right 10 trust such men
with the contribution box, aid l know
the missionary ladies' would never per
nit him 10 collect the subscription"
That's it," yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke
There's the science OF government! Al
Won want now is saloon in the base
mcnt TO be the National Capitol! Wha
Won need is a gas-meter and q veto to b'
an improved White Housed Wher
Robertson comes here for the milk bill
YOU paw him, you hear! And when
! Matthews is Justice OF the Peace o
Brooklyn. you have Conkling arrested
for stealing coal, you hear? That
fetch il, You've got the idea now! Al
you want to DO is To live all summer II
the Soldiers Home to be complete
Administration! II l hal your vision
III get up on three sticks and hire on
as 4 telescope.
"Of course III 90 as you saw" replied
Mrs Spoopendyke, submissiyely, 'anC
il Mr.. COnkling should take some OF on
coal, unless il was by mistake, should
certainly feel like complaining of him
II Mr.. Robertson comes will pay hin
though the milk is not as good AS tn,
first we got. Perhaps Mr.. Matthew;
will fix that when he gets to be Justice
DO you think Mr.. Malone will COM
too%
Gomez" shrieked Mr.. Spoopendyke
"of course he'll come. He's liable to b
here any minute. He's burglar, tel
you, and he may come over the bacl
fence tonight LooK out for him
think hear him now" and Mr.. Spoop