The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-03-23
FLOATING FAN0IEs.

LALAS as Is b@AA ~ ~~~ 50
the success of the work will be assured.
Surprise parties are c~omingainto vogue
again. The person who is TO be surprised is
sues the invitations through a friend.
Said Brown, Smith wont have so soft a
thing as he has had" II don't know" re-
piled Robinson; hell have a soft thing SO
long SIS he dosen't lose his head"
Parnells Lambs.-Paddy: "But what'll we
do. Mike, if the Liberator becomes a land
lord himself?" Mike: "Och, sure, thin, well
list shoot bis tinnants for him!"
4 prominent lumber man in Burlington has
had his coat OF arms painted on the panels OF
his carriage, with the Latin motto ''Vldi."
Which by Interpretation is i saw"
Mother sbipton has strapped on her liver
pad, bought a set Of $40 teeth, a row OF
bangs and a bottle Of t'bloom of youth" and
concluded to live down her prophecies.
The female fondness for dress is what caus-
es many of the young men to remain bach
elora. They recognise that they can not buy
silks and satins and still have money left for
billiards and beer.
The habit Of American girls marrying ltal-
ian counts has slackened up q little of late.
4 life of following around q hand organ and
passing the tamborine..for pennies is not as at
tractlve as formerly.
AChicago poet is going to present President
Garfield with 9 copy Of oil the poems he
wrote during the campaign. No matter what
he may DO after this, Dir. Garfield will have
the sympathy of all honest men.
When the recording angel observes a min
lister Of the gospel holding o nail between his
fingers while he misses it with q hammer,
the trustworthy scribe drops into q brown
study and pretends not to hear anything.
II go out OF Office without q pang-but
stay there's my pass between Fremont and
Washington. Can it be possible that the
grasping monster at the head Of q soulless
corporation will brutally refuse to renew it
-Mr. Hayes.
A little girl Of 12 years, the daughter Of o
clergyman, was asked: 'Sadie, does your
papa ever preach the same sermon twice."
After thinking q moment, Sadie replied:
Eyes, I think he does, but | think he hollers
In different places"
Papa: "That picture shows the story OF
Promethus sad the vulture that fed on bis
liver. Every day the vulture devoured it, and
every night it grew for him to eat it again"
Sympathetic child: "Poor dear old %vulture!
How eick he must have been of liver every
day!"
A New England pastor called upon one Of
his d~eacons, with whom he was at varlence,
and, with an air of great solmenity, said:
ABrother, ii is q shame that this quarrel of
ours should bring scandal upon the church.
have prayed earnestly for guidance in the
matter, and have come to the conclusion that
you must give in, for I can not"
sWhat," asked a Galveston Sunday-school
teacher, sis that invisible power that prevents
the wicked man from sleeping and causes
him to toss about upon his pillow, and what
should he do TO enjoy that peace that passeth
understanding 2" Sew up the hole in the
mosquito bar" was the prompt answer from
the bad boy at the foot Of the class.
scene-The gambling table at Monte Carlo.
PersonR-Young English lady with little sis
ter and q gentleman whose acquaintance they
have made at the hotel. Young Lady-sOh
I say, / shall put a fve-franc piece on the
number Of my ~age!'-putting one on the
ffure eighteen. The number tWenty-eiyht
wins. Little slster-sWhas fun! Now, it
YOU had really put it on your right age, sis,
you would have won, wouldn't you?'
=. A devout Methodist asked Wesley what be
thought as to his marrying q certain woman
well known to both. Wesley advised him
not to think of IL. why said the other
s'she is q member of your church. isn't she?"
YES" was the reply. land you think she
is truly q Christian woman2' YES said
Wesley, Ct believe che is. well, then,
WHY not marry her2, aBecause, my friend,
the Lord can live with 8 great many people
that you and Ican't."
There are some very straightforward people
In Galveston. One OF them went up into the
Neps office, and sauntering up to the desk
asked: II hear that the bible has been re-
vised. Do you know If many important
changes have been NADER" "A good many, II
believe" ssTaen there il no mistake about
Auanias being struck dead for lying?' mo,
believe not 2 .'Well. ii l was you ! would