Daily Los Angeles herald., 1881-05-13
Varieties.

Varieties.
The Elmira Free Press, in its
historical column, says: "rhirteen
years ego. Mrs. Henry Josephs,
Pine Bluffs, Arkansas, swallowed a
needle, and last Thursday 1t was
dug out of pine log in Bay City,
Michigan. We do not propose to
account for 1t; it is all we can do to
give the fact"
shave you given electricity a
trial for your complaint, MADAME"
asked the minister, as he took tea
with the old lady. "Electricity,n
said she, "well, yes; reckon l has.
I was struck by lightning last
summer, and hove out the window,
but it didn't seem to do me- no
good"
Galveston News: A Galveston
darkey rushed into a DOCTORS office
and breathlessly exclaim ed: "Come
oil, doctor, right of. BAR is some
body In my hose who 10 in an aw-
full fix-laid up In bed sgroanin'
and agroaDih'," "Who is 1t ~
"Its me. You see, boss, l didn't
hab nobody to sead, so come my
self.n
Figaro: Court, to prosecutor:
Then you recognize this handker-
chief as the one which was stolen
from you" Prosecutor: "Yss, your
Honor" Court: "And yet 1t is not
the only handkerchief of the sort
in the world. See, this one I have
10 my pocket is exactly like it,"
Prosecutor; "Very likely, your
Honor; | had two stolen"
One OF Gavani's drawings repre-.
SCENTS u picture dealer ami poor
artist haggling over work of art.
The dealer offering him five francs
for it, the artist meekly replies
that the canvas itself had cost him
more than that sum. "Tast is
quite possible," says the dealer;
"but then you had not spoiled the
canvas by painting upon it,"
Mrs. Gilpin called upon Squire
McGill's wife the other evening,
and in the course of conversation
mentioned that she had just pur-
chased cuspidore. "Dear me-"
said Mrs. McGlll, $50 you've
bought one, have youS l wanted to
get one for Fanny, but she didn' {
seem to have any ear for music, so
We finally gave it up."-Hofe,'s
Hitarities.
Americans are of a practical ma
ture. When an Illinois farmer who
had got rich was visiting Switzer-
land, they dilated to him Oh the
beauty of the surrounding scenery.
Eyes" he replied, "as scenery it's
very good. But it strikes me the
Lord has wasted lot of space on
scenery that might have been made
level and good farming land"
They wanted to lynch him.
Boston Courier: He was not
prompt in filing his engagement
the other evening, and he came
into tbs room hurriedly and threw
himself into q seat. AS he did SO,
the embroidered butterfly which
decorated the chair-back came off,
and he jumped up to replace it.
"Never mind" said she, in a
slightly acid tone of voice, "time
and tidy walt for no man."
A rioh and eccentric old Ken.
tuckian named Lewis Hamilton,
who was killed by fall from his
horse, the other day. is said to have
left five children bearing the sur.
prising names of Avenue Belle, c
young girl of IS; China Figure, an.
other daughter of Ia; London Judge
a con, aged q; Hebrew Fashion, u
daughter, aged IL, and Southern
Soil, lad of s years.
Burlington HdWkeye: "Any
good shooting on your farm?"
asked the hunter of q farmer
"Splendid," replied the agricultur
ist; "there's = drive-well man
down Ia the clover meadow, a cloth
peddler at the house, q candidate
out In the barn, and two tramps
out in the stock-yard. Clint
right over the fence, young man,
load both barrels, aud sail in"
The business men of this coun.
try don't believe in reputation
The Republicans openly claim thaI
by supporting Malone they car
start other Reputation movements
in the South, and so break up tht
Democratic party there. LIST them
try it, and they will drive every
Republican business man into the
Democratic party. That's til,
long and short of it.-E0ston Post
Boston transcript: "Pa, what IL
ensilage?" "Why-h'm-ensilage
my son, is-ur-ensiiage is-oh
something like mucilage-used Il
stick things together, you know
There, now, run away to your play
and don't disturb me-" And tn,
boy thinks his pa is very encyclo
p@dia Of wisdom. Happy child
Ere many years have elapsed tn,
boy will think he knows every
thing AID his pa nothing. Happ.
ohilanOou.
A good story Is told about 10
Jefferson Al one time he sOugh
quiet place in the country, AN
J, oppressed desire to be left alone
7 tie sttolied, ske ched, painted, au
| rested, aud wondered why he fel
50 happy In his solitude. One da.
10 man In o nelghboring villag