Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-27

She was a delicate daisy Of about forty
summers and as many hard winters.
They were eating fruit and she remark
ed, as she delicately pared peach:
"The skin of a peach always sets my
teeth on edge" Her little nephew
who is sharp-eared and sharp-eycd,
said, "Well, auntie, why don't you
take your teeth out and lay them on
the window sill, like you did this
morning?" Her appetite for fruit
vanished. The boy will sit sideways
on the bench when he goes to school
next Monday.
A FEW nights ago the girls in an In
diana college got up a kicking match,
for the championship, the one that
kicked the highest TO be awarded the
belt. One of them tried TO kick with
both feet at once, and he sat down on
her spinal column so italically that she
was seriously injured. A college girl
shouldn't kick at the ceiling with both
feet at once unless there Is q young
man standing near TO catch her In case
of q fall and then it would be advis-
able TO first dress like a female trapeze
performer.
A YOUNG min ster and his wife visit
ed the congregation where his father
was previously the pastor. He preach
ed on the Sabbath, and after service,
one of the venerable elders speaking
with the young minister's wife, said:
"Your husband preached from the
same text that his father had the last
time he was in that pulpit"
"Indeed," replied the lady, 81 hope
| it was not the same sermon, too"
"Oh, no." said the elder, 'his father
was a dreadful smart man."
He was not much up to Galveston
| tricks, but when a man with Grape on
his hat showed him MASSIVE gold ring
telling him that he had just found it,,
the young man didn't believe 1t. He
said: II believe you stole that valu-
able ring" "No, sir; indeed didn't.
You may have it for 50, as l have to
leave towns" He paid 81, but when
he took it 70 the jewelleI, and the jew
ellcr told him the retail price per dezen
of that style of ring was 80 cents, he
burst into tears and said, Il did that
man an injustice. He never stole 1t.
He was honest after all.
a DIsGUsTED looking man with q
double-barreled shot gun came wearlly
up Woodward avenue. "Well, Jones, ]"
said friend, ''just in from the flats ?"
eyes," said Jones, dropping that butt
of his gun heavily on the pavement,
FI'm in from the flats. Six of us have
been sitting in the rain in wet boat
for two days looking for dHcks. Not
seeing any sport in this l lett. The
other five are there yet, and l am Of
your opinion that they're nats. Yes,
sir" shoulderlng the shot gun again
II I'm just in from the fats"
A SCIENTIFIC journal explains, in q
long article, How thunder storms
come up" We haven't read the artI-
Gle, but we know how they come up.
They wait until the Sunday school pic
mic reaches the grove, and gets fairly
to business at copenhagen, swinging,
Irritation, cToquet and other in
nocent games, and they come up like
thunder and lightning. 1t takes the
average thunder storm not more than
ten minutes 10 come up ia the neigh
borhoOd OF picnic.
A FARMER complains that it cost him
twenty-five dollars to raise q pig
weighing one hundred and forty
pounds. That was pretty steep. A
man raised pig weighing one hum
dred and forty pounds, in a street car,
the other day, and it only cost him five
dollars and cos.s. The pig was :mok-
| ing and swearing in the presence of
ladies, and the man raised him with
his boot of the car into the street. The
magistrate said he raised him little
too emphatically. The pig landed on
his snUut.
A LADY with fatal squint came once
to a fashionable artist tor her portrait.
He looked at her and she looked at
him, and both were embarrassed. He
spoke first: "Would your ladyship
permit me-" he said, "to take the pro-
file? There is certain shyness about
your ladyship's eye which is as diff
cult in art as it is fascinating in ma
ture."
A YOUNG man who had inherited the
day before large fortune from his
uncle gave dinner to a few friends.
He inquired at the restaurant II they
had some old cheese. eyes," replied
the waiter, ''Is it strong" "StroDg
enough to bring the dead to life" 81
don't want it," replied the heir.
THREE little boys, on Sabbath day,
were stopped on the street by an elder
" gentleman, who, perceiving that
they had bats and balls with them ask
ed one of the number this question ::
"Boy can you tell me where all naugh-
Iy boys go to who play ball on Sun
day p" "OVer back of Johnson's dam -
the youngster replied.
A YOUNG girl while attending Sab
bath school saw picture of Cain and
Abel in the lesson book. She looked
at the teacher and said: G; man
dead" Well, Stella" "sald the eeacher,
"what killed him ?" ''Don't know"
said the bright young lady; run over
by the cars, | suppose"
OLD Mr.. Coupons listened to SER
mon on charity last Sunday and was
so moved that when he came out he
said: 81 never was so stirred up about
charity in all my life. I'll be blamed
if don't"-"Give five dollars to the