The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-11-26

"How do you do again, sir?' remarked a
stony lady, % she laid her satchel on the
managing editors desk. II left some tracts
with you few weeks ago. Have you profit
cd by them!'
III think So" replied the editor wondering
what he had done with them. They were very
good, indeed"
"Wers you impressed with that delightful
tract on The wiles OF the devil as examplifed
in the maturity OF man." asked the woman
sternly.
every much so; but thought il unnecessa-
fily severe on the republican party. Now,
don't believe"
"You haven't read IT," snor,ed the lady
hercely. Did | give you Hell from an es-
thetical standpoint"
II think you did, ma am, replied the editor.
! "I've had 1t from every standpoint, and-yes,
/ remember, that's the one that opposes youth.
full marriages and dealt such blow at the
frauds in The Treasury Department. / read
it"
"You did not" replied tho lady calmly.
whats this pasted over tho broken pane
DO understand that you plug your windows
with Divine Providence as illustrated in the
case of Deacon PrattV What have you done
with The GROWING mercy Of the Almighty" !"
III took it home" stammered the editor.
''Thats the one read nights"
"It's false. | see corner OF it sticking out.
Oh, man, mani What do you expect will
become Of your soul II you use The GROWING
mercy of the Almighty to stop uD rat holes ~
at must have fallen in there" murmured
the wretched editor.
"Did the Sinners prayer for light fall up
over that that door," demanded the woman
as she pulled the tract out of a crack In the
door, whers it was doing good service az
weather strip. "Whither are you drifting, per
sisting mortal! Have you perused the Dead
ly sin, or the peculiar mistortunes of Will
helmina Shorts"
"Was it attached to the presidents messag,
Is - asked the editor.
ut was not. You haven't opened it. Where
is the 'Devilv"
"He's out in the composing room. I'll call
him." and the bewlldered editor started up
= "You will not" said the lady, decisively
f"Here is the Devil rolled up cigar lighter.
Have you no care for your immortal soul :?
Show me Heavens best gift to man."
wasn't that something about civil service
reform ?" asked the bewildered editor, fumb
ling among his papers. 81 remember"
"You remember nothing about IT, exclalm-
cd the lady, and here l find the Last refuge
of the unredeemed' folded in your hat"
"The hat was too large for me-" muttered
the editor. IL keep it there to read on the
cars"
"And do you keep the Wandering sheep IN
the neck OF this bottle!" demanded the wo-
man, selzing ginger ale flask and untwistng
the unhappy tract that had been doing duty as
cork.
"Hush," said the editor. 81 see it all! That
belongs to the city editor, and It's he who has
perpetrated this foul wrong"
"Tis we'll you have discovered 1t in time.
Has he got Material damnation!"
IF he hasn't he WILL moaned the editor.
think he got"
"You have deceived me. Why shoulder
your sins on hint Here's Material damna-
ton scattered around your office. Oh, unre
generate man, what have you done with the
Last hours of jeremiah Smalley?"
Ill WAS waiting for HIM to de-" said the
editor
"And while waiting you wound his last
hours around the gas burner, and here is
Peter BranO's repentance stuffed into your
slipper. Be warned sinner. | will now give
you Hell considered in its relation to the un.
regenerated," and she took the tract from her
satchel.
AYES. ma'am, said the editor meekly.
"And l expect TO find you immersed IN 1t
when l return. Shall give you Complete
rest, also"
ayes, yes" clamored the editor, agive us
that rs soon as you can. That's what want
most"
swell, haven't got 1t, find; but here is
the Wall Of the abandoned Ever read that ?"
"Some-something about JONAH" asked
the editor timidly.
at Is not" emphasized the LADY more stoni-
~ than ever Read it; at the same time let
me give you y ourseli in the realms of the
lost Profit by them, young man, for shall
see you again"
And the stony-eyed lady marched out
"Slugs," said the managing editor appear
ing at the city editors door, "Slugs, just read
these over and let me have the glst of them by
Hosdsy-s sort of running account of what
they are about and you can boil down the