Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1881-12-24
HIrrIsCISSoRS.


Irish bull has no horns.
Cinnamon don't rock the cradle: they
make the sky rocket
\ reckless bellies aphorism: Be hirtuOus
and you Will be happy.
Ananias, Jr.: How can You learn 70 fab
ricate? Get engaged to two girls and the
faculty will sort o come to you.
Where do cows get their milk asks VIII
lie. Where do you get your tear,, my song
Mamma, do cows have to be spanked too?
An umbrella that keeps Lent al the year
round is entirely TOO religious ioE us.-snart
EreiaRge
In the voyage of lie every map is proyi-
dsl with a skull, with which 70 paddle his
Own canoe.
The square dance cannot be said to oe
kept square: it is rounded of with the
waltz.
Its against the law . carry concealed
arms, ye, it is nothing uncommon on moon
light evenings to see young ladies with half
concealed arms around their waists.
The prime difficulty with the square
dance esteemed moral is that people do
not refrain from cutting ffthecorncrs-Rcr.
h. b. AaK.
save One Little Kiss for Papa Is the
tile Of the latest song II this remark s
aimed ata Chicago girl with four steady
beaux the old mans chances are pretty
slim.
Eldest daughters beau a. faulty dinner
Little Sis: know you viii join our society
fox protecting the little birds be,au.e na
says you aye so fond Of larks. And then
loay, long painful in il longta.
Are You glad tosee ne again. Edi.-2 yes
MN, and mamma clad too. iss..e, -earl
Yes MN, she said she hoped you'd come to-
day and have it over with. Exit caller in
dudgeon.
Moncurc D. Conway says hat titled
Canadians do no, pass for much" in Lon-
don. 1t is different in Chicago Not long
AGO one of them passed three jacks fr Sls,
and subsequently made the horrifng dis
coyery that the other man had a four au.h.
She murmurcd to Adolphus, while her eyes
were all a-dream,
IL hear the merry jingle Of the peadier u ice
cream
But sEe looked as black as thunder and her
rapture did explode,
When She learned the bell was Iinglcd by
heiicr down the road
4 lecturer undertook to eNellia 80 yii
LACE audience the word phenomenon.
maybe you don't know what phcnome-
non is? Well, I'll tell you; YOU have seen
cow no doubt Well a COW IL not phe-
nomcnon. You have seen an apple trcc?
Well, an apple tree is not o phenomenon.
But when you sec the COW goup ire tail
foremost to pick apples it 10 a pheEomo-
non"
During the lifetime of the Kcnpcky
statesman, very large, well known and
somewhat noted Bily-goat roamci at large
in the streets Of Washington, and tt news
paper boys, boo,blacks, and street inps gln-
orally, made common cause again , him.
Henry Clay never liked to see dumb ani-
mails abused or worried, and oo one occa-
sion, while passing down .theay,nuc, q iarge
crowd Of these mischieyous urgiils were at
their usual sport. Mr.. Clay, v.ta lis a.k-
ing-stick, drove them away, giving ,lcm d
sound lecture in tie meanwhile IS thes
scampcrcd and scattered in very direction.
Billy seeing no one but Mr. CLAY within
reach made charge on him. Gay drop
ped his cane and caught his gaai,lip 10y
tie horns. The goat would rtar ap, nearly
a high a. the tall Keniuckiar, AMI tnc lai-
ter would pull him down again Tais s9rt
Of spor, soon became tires0me. and he could
conceive no way By which b. s. iies
himself from the two-hornea dilemma, SO
ia his desperation he sang opi % the .oys 10
know what 70 do One of taa smallest ia
the crowd shouted back " ~. ~ aod r-G.
you ID fool" Clay always main'2inel
that though be signed the treaty Of Client,
yet that ragged boy knew more than heidi.
i is to be hoped that the ch1rgc that A.
{
proved They can manage may dishcs,
but so PATHS are too much.
NIis. Davis, the daughter y IA president
Of the late Conicdefocy, is qui.e tall, has
dark hair and eyes, an extremely pale face
aud an expression Of intense reserve
Representatives Wilson, Of tlis State a1d
Tucker Of Virginia are on tie Joint com
mi;tce to arrange the Garfield euiogsiic
ceremonies.
The Alexandra VA 1st. Presbyterian
church-established prior TO TIA Revolution
and having it, present cdifce since 17T2-
has called Rev. john r. Henderson, Of
Easton, Pa, 10 its pastorate.
Arthur's silence about the south the
most significant part of his mesvs He
could not.do us justice perhaps, and oil no,
want 70 hurt our feelings.-Augu-'a Ca
Chronicle DAM
In Orleans, Fauquicr county lasi sunday
". s. Davis merchant, shot Leonidas Trip-
lett, ditto, in a quarrel, and frou the pub
lished account It was a most trutal rnur-
der.
"Mayor" John Roach, aged c. years. Of
the L. S. marine corps is dead. II - uB-.