The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-10-28
WHY We LAUGH.
The artists adieu to his picture-You be


The artists adieu to his picture-You be
hanged. t-....
A soft answer turneth away wrath, but it
has no influence on bill collector.
| A little learning in doctor is dangerous
thing, to the patient.-Terds Sgtings.
1t is said Missouri is being secured for
train robbers. The idea is bright one.--
Picdy,me.
| :sThat butter Is TOO fresh," as the man re-
marked when the goat lifted him over the
fence.-FaH Rirer Adoahce.
/ Prof. Riley says Kerosene is sure death to
insects III all stages. IL may be In stages,
but bow about in hotels ?-LotoeH Citizen.
/ The Brooklyn n-Argus asks, q Who
shall decide when doctors disagree?" An.
swer--The undertaker.-N. ". Com. Adp.
II would not strike you for $10," said j.,
playfully, to his friend 4. swell, you would
not get it if you did" replied E.-PhiL. Sun.
Inreply to the question, +" will the coming
man be bald ?" the Norristown Herald at
firms that she generally is when be first
| comes"
! According To the dentists, human teeth are
I degenerating at such a rapid rate that in a
few generations babies will be born with false
sets.-Medicai Rerie,c. r
The old gentleman is snoring the snore of
the vrtuous in his easy-chair. His youthful
| grandson rushes TO his mother. "Oh, ma
grandpa is in the parlor-sleeping right
| out loud"
"Can there be happiness where there is no
love ?" solemnly queries an author in book
OH marriage. Not much happiness, perhaps,
but if the girl is awfully rich there can be
lots of fun. ..r ..#.. s..-s.
| This is beautiful language of ours. Ben
Hogan, the retired pugilist, who has turned
preacher, is spoken of as the ex-pounder of
1 the prize-ring and the expounder of the gos-
pei Chronicle Herald.
The dispatches say that the Lieutenant
Governor of Cuba, while riding out, was
fired at and missed. He may have been fired
at, but nobody ever misses Lieutenant
Governor.-Teras Siftings. ...-
| A certain doctor of divinity said every
blade of grass was sermon. The next dav
he was amusing himself by clipping his lawn,
when parishioner said: "That's right, doc
tor, cut your sermons short"
The most thoughtful man has been discov-
cred i'm New Jersey. just before. he died he
said 10 the undertaken: "When you put me
on ice do not waste any on my feet; they
have already been frozen."-Anon.
al dote upon that girl, said Smith. "That
makes the twentieth girl you have dotted on
within the month";" remarked Henderson.
alt is about time you had sown all your wild
dotes, Smith."-BoSt0a. Transcript. .
When 1t was mentioned in conversation
that Button had dissected one of his female
relatives, lady cried out against the inhu-
manlty of the anatomist. "But, madam,
she was dead, said De Mairau, reassuringly.
There is an old Frenchman named Blot,
Who is great cook rs you knot,
He roasted duck, ...
| And boiled Sleeps pluck,
Then went out to the river to rot.
The baby was sought for everywhere in
the house. At last he was discovered OH the
balcony sprinkling passers by with a little
watering pot. "Ha! sir, and what are you
doing there?" ~ am playing at bad
weather"
"An aesthetic DISCOURSE" said the Lady AL
thea to her husband, as they rode home from
church. Alright you are" said Lord Alger-
non--who had found soft place on the pew
rail for the repose of his lordly head. I" Ii
: twas anesthetie." -.,.aa.- -----4-. s.---.-..
We are going TO Arkansas and start paper,
calling il "Quinine and Whisky" Every
body will take it.-ModerH Argo. Better
call it "Fever and Ague," for people take
that first.-Somerrille Journal. Correct !
Shake - Yd,ccOb Strauss.
Angelina: The poem, How We Meas
ured the Baby" was written about twenty
wears ago, but you had better not go to the
| A.. VhA haat Ny..y m
measure baby is with slipper. Measure
it crossways with the grain.-Chicago Iri-
june.
AT a banquet the late John Brougham was
seated next to Coroner Croker. A toast
was proposed, and Brougham asked the Cor
oner what he should drink IL in. "Claret,' y
said the Coroner. "Claret!" was the reply;
"that's no drink for a Coroner; there's no
body in it,"
"The wisest Of all sayings" said some
one in the hearing of Charles Lamb Kenney,
an old journalist who had Just died in Lon.
don, .sis the old Greek maxim, know thy
SELF" "Yes," said Kenney, "there's deal
of wisdom in 1t. know thyself,' but
never introduce friend"
"I'm very sick man, observed the tramp
languidly, as he anchored himself at res
taurant table "the doctor says | must have
strengthening food. Give me something
with plenty of iron in It," The waiter shaded
the corners of his mouth with his hands and
then beloved, "One keg of nails !"-Brook-
tyn Eagle.
"Charle, have you got hooked nose p
"Yes, darling" answered Charlie, smiling.
"Pm afraid 1t Is a little liable to tina, crli-
cism." "Well, never should have noticed
it." she added, Indignantly, 'sif that horrid
Sprigg girl across the way hadn't told me to
ask You il you wouldn't like to sell IL for a
siphon."--Brooklyn Eagle. s.e..s
aGood gracious" asked the professional
"why do you, q prosperous business man,
the father Of a family and the main stay Of a
church, deliberately come to me and want to
learn all the tricks of poker playing? Dc
you mean coolly TO throw away your respect
ability and become gambler" "No,'
said the merchant, "no, don't mean to be.
come gambler. but I'm gsing to visit Lou
isvile and I'd as soon go to Texas without 9
pistol as to Louisville without knowledge
of poker."-B0ston Post.
Two young men who move In the very
best Austin society went on spree not long
since. After they were pretty well under
way one of them said In an inebriated tone
of voice: " Let's bid each other good night
Bill?" "Why, you ain't going home al
ready? It's right In the shank of the eve
ming" "Of course I'm not goin' home now
but after awhile we won't know each ozzel
from shade of sole leather, she let's shay
good night right now, before it'sh toe
late" They embraced.-Te1us isytings.
Wonders OF ELECTRICITY.