The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-01-15
BRfC-i-BRAC.

"A fo0t-note tho shoemakcr's bill.
The King Of Oleomarga-
rinc.
The tower Of Babel is the first con-
tinucd story OH record.
Tho actor who forgets his cue
plays bad game Of billiards.
Michigan has produced Il pig with
trunk. This thing should be checked.
We have two SAILS in this country
Sal Bernhardt and Salvini. They
arc both after Salary.
Jones thinks a man is fortunate
who has his will contested after death
only. He says his will has been con.
tested ever since lie married Mrs. j.
The name Of the largest city in
America was furnished by Shakespeare.
lic said, in prophetic mood, 81 knew
Iorick we'll"
Those who have tried it confess
that Il large, healthy mustard plaster
worn on the back contains more heat
than II heavy Ovcrcoat.
Will some one please tit q conun-
drum to tho following answer: zone
is an ice pick and the other is a nice
icklci"-NoyriStowm Ueruld. We
will. It's the difference between the
Her0'tl'S foot and head of cabbage.
-"What's wrong between YOU and
Snlythc, that YOU don't speak ?'
'liaw Fact is, we were both wivals
for the hand of the same young lady
u cc!cbwatcd beauty, YOU know and
well, | don't want to bwag, but
got the best Of it. Poor Smvthc -
"My dear fellow, q thousand coneratu-
lations!' "Tnanks awi'ly! We boil,
proposed last week, you know, and
she acceptcd-a-him!' !'-Punch.
Elder Sistcr-"You should make
friends again; it is absurd for an en-
gagged pair to quarrel.' Laura-"Wcll.
then, let Edgar say the first word"
Edgar (with a lively recollection of
the recent titD-"Ics, so long rs yo,,
have the last, you don't care"
We have seen men so eager to get
something for nothing, that one would
almost believe they would be willing
to die at short notice, were they pre-
Scntcd with gratuitous coffins, with
the understanding that they should
shuttle of,
-"What do you think Of these
shoes for $4?' said Bob the other day.
rs he put ono of his pedal cxtremities
on the table for inspection. every
cheap. considering the size Of the
foot" was jacks reply, as his eye
wandered over vast garden Of sole
leather.
There is burden of care in get
ting riches, fear in keeping them,
temptation in using them, guilt in
abusing them, sorrow in losing them
and burden OF account at last to be
given up concerning them. and vet
foolish people sell their souls and Ugh
TO be rich.
"A DR.. Knox. Of New York State,
thinks he has done big thing because
he Inns taught some pet pigs to play
cuchrc. Let him go into pcn-beg
pardon. smoking car-on any of our
railroads and he will find what lie
thinks is q curiosity is common
enough thing.
Said q Galveston school teacher:
"If have ten apples and give YOU
five and your big brother five, what
will be LETT"
"I'll bc lcft," responded the voune-
cr brother, ''for he will get away with
all of them, That's the Kind of q Prcsi-
e--~Eise~ Il aeear ntsyee ~tr5MW 1frg-no
boilers look Just after they have ex-
piodcd. This doesn't seem to hit the
case ut all. What is needed is a pic
turc showing how boiler looks lust
before 1t is going to explode. We
could then learn when to get out of
the way.
The family were telling riddles
one evening, and the tivc-year-old told
this:
-Four little hopper-toads sat on a tree,
Two hoped off and then there were three. -
Nobody could guess it. "Wcn," she
explained, zone of them hoped right
back AGAIN." "Who told YOU that rid-
die:' asked mamma. "Nobodv," re-
pl1cd thc little one. ~ thunk it up
myself"
y PRUDENT YANKEE CoSsrABLE.-
Mr.. Elijah Hitchcock was Comccti-
cut constable, whose character was un-
der scrutiny. Deacon Solomon Rising
was inquired of about him.
deacon Solomon Rising" said the
q"cStioncr, "do YOU think Mr.. Hitch
cock is an honest man?"
Very promptly-"Oh, no, sir! Not
by any means"
"Well, do you think he is mean
man?"
"Wcll, with regard to that" said the
deacon, little more deliberately. 81
may say that l don't really think he is
a mean man; Tvc sometimes thought
he was what YOU might call kccrtul@a
prudent man."
4
man!'
"Wcll. / mean this: that one time
he Fad an execution for four dollars
against the old Widow Wittcr, back
mere, and he went up to her house and
levied on a flock Of ducks. He chased
them ducks one at Il time, round the
house pooty much all day and every
time he catchcd a duck he'd set right
down and ring his neck and charge
mileage: and his mileage mounted to
more than the debt. Nothin' mean
about it, as know of, but ALWAYS
thought that after that that Mr. Hitch
cock was very prudent man."