The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-07-16
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The "Iady Slipper" is the name Of vessel
just launched at Boston. The ship must be in
tended for the whaling service.
A recently married baggage master ON the
Pennsylvania Railroad, taxes his wife with him
on every trip. He calls her his carpet"
The number Of missing persons In New York
has sensibly decreased since they commenced
cleaning the streets.
A bride is reported to have lately said: 81
told all my friends to have my name put on my
presents, so that II divorced George should not
be able to claim them"
"Why don't the police pull the Albany state.
housey 1t is a place Of very bad reputc. "-Cin-
cinndti Enquirer.
Why not the Delavan house, also?
A dry goods house advertises lawn dresses that
will wash. OF course. Why wouldn't they:
Isn't II the business of a laundress to wash?
The acuteness of the average American mind
is strikingly exemplifed in its utterances in re.
gard to the present comet. A very little atten.
ton to the current comet literature In the news
papers has enabled painstaking contemporary to
collect the following gltterIng gems OF thought:
! told you so-Mother Shipton.
Whar from, stranger'-AH astronomers.
regard it as a Half Conkiiag
Me too-Pidtt.
The vapors Of an ill-dedned nucleus-.Saeral
Professors.
Now we'll comet over the readers Pnugyaph.
tr's Chorus.
1t is the sheen Of that s25O,OOO. My friends
aAypir
II ! could only get it under CANVASS Diys
Thomas Of the Bdrnunl Sho,c.
Just my fortune. In my last letter said trains
were no longer fashionable. Jwe.
wager rouble it's dynamite bomb floating
in the sky. Put on double guard.-Ah1ander,
car.
This portends disaster, Louise must be com
ing TO Canada.-LOync.
The use Of the word coma" in connection
with comets, is radically wrong This may be a
period in our existence.-R,cha,d Grant White.
The direct result of my return to the editorial
profession. Carl .ScJtuyz.
For dc Law nebber sc muffin so sudden for
nigh onto hundred and fifty ycar.-lS0jo,tyner
Truth.
| regret to inform you that the comet presagcs
hotJuly Pennor. n. B.-Redeen your ulster.
Where there is SO much light there must be
sOtuc UlaIc. DuJ 40 HOL rcJTuCt. mere Is no
such place.-Col. Bob HgersoN.
Strange craft bearing down on the earth nor
10y nor'east; or may be rocket from the Jean-
nette-SCc,etny Hunt.
Civil Service Reform is more necessity than
ever-George IVaiioD, Curtis.
1t isn't bobtail lush.--BoJ Stratum, v. Y.
Senator.
1t may knock the spots out OF our Worlds
Fair.-Boston PaDers
If see this comet shall buy my ticket. On
no condition will accept free pass WMjab.
h. Chand'Lr.
IT'S a mere paint brush compared with the
comet saw when n boy.-EN Perkins.
Don't be frightened. Pm nothing but pat.
ent medicine advertisement Comet HseJ
The anclents never used northumberland,
but the ancients were probably Indiana men, -
Neto York Commercial Adsertiser. How about the
wiper that Cleopatra carried in her bosom ?-IhH-
Dielphid Bulletin.
Still is the night. All me. tits growing late;
The darkness dlmly lights the crested moon
And as the starlets wink, there at the gate
Augustus and Amelia stand and spoon.
-WiUiamspor Breakfast Table,
A French engineer, after a series of expert
ments with II loaf OF bread baked by Vassar
College girl, now announces that the project of
tunneling Mont Blanc is entirely practicable -
PhiIddelphid Mems.
Says a society paper: "The nearer the bangs
come to the eyebrow the more fashionable is the
wearer." hint to quarrcls0me husbands. Hit
her square on the eye II you want her to appear
stylish. Philadelphia Chronicle.
To drive away ants II they are married aunts
borrow some money OF their husbands. If they
are single, let them take care OF the baby for the
aff nh ln 10
The nonsense poem of Prof. Lowell, In his cal
ice OF Wonderland" had an immense run in the
newspapers few years ago, but is already so
nearly forgotten that contemporary asks for the
meaning and origin Of the word ''jabberwock."
1t is an imaginary monster OF whom the hero
goes in search, and the poet tells that
AS in uflish thought he stood,
The jabberwock, with eyes Of name,
Came whiting through the tulgy wood
And burDled as he came.
One, two, one, two, and through and through.
HIS Vorpel blade went Sncker.snack;
He him dead and with his head
he came galumphing back.
cine father says)
And hast thou slain the jabberwoekg
Come TO my arms, my beamsh boy:
Oh, frabjous day, caen calay,
lie chorteled in his joy.
The Chicago Tribune says of piece OF ambi.
tlous writing in the st. Louis Post. Dispatca.
From the tone of the above we should iudye
that the present person in charge had recently es-
capped from college" This is hard tbpp 10
say OF newspaper man.
A current item--jam. -Che. Another current
item-the flowing bowl.-IVu and Wisdom. An.
other current item-the running brooks.-Ste..
denvitb Herald. Another current item-where
the ours teeth caught him as he was going over
the fence WhitehaA Times. Where's YOUR cur.
rant jell in the above?-Dst. FIRE. Press Or vour
price current
WHAT HE SAW.
Here lies man whose crown was won
by Blowing In an empty gun.
-!SteuJenVille Herald
NO sooner in the gun he blew
IMAM up The golden stair he flew.