The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-10
MIR. sPooPENDYKEs NARROW Es
CAPE FROM THE SILENT TOMB,

why, what's the matter, my dear I" cried
Mrs. SpoOpendyke, as Mr.. Spoopcndyke limped
into the room, and dropped into chair. "What
on earth has happened to youw
al fell down and killed myself" moaned Mr..
Spoopendykc.
Howl whereg' asked Mrs. Spoopendyke,
bnstiing around him, all nervousness GLOW
did You DO it
'.Slipped ON the ice, and broke my arm from
head to foot" sighed Mr.. Spoopcndyke, family
'Cireat gracionsm ejacniated Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. "Whoreaboutsi Where did it happen p
''Out doors, dod CAST it! Where dye sipOse
did it, Think brought the ice in the house,
and then laid down on il, o, dear! I'll never
get my clothes off again. I've got to sit here
and de-" and Mr.. Spocpcndyke leaned back in
his chair, and closed his eyes with resignation.
"rll help you off with your hat and oyercoat,"
said Mrs spoopendyke, tenderly. 'Let me help
you"
"Bc very careful about taking off my hat, y
said Mr.. Spooperidyk Ike, rousing up. Take it off
! easy, or you'll hnrt my elbow. Pull the left
arm of my overcoat down, so it will slip Off!
What ye doingf Trying to skin met That
sleeves full of broken bones, l tell We. Now
help me into chair. / knew l mrst 90 some
time, but never expected to die so suddenly as
this" and Mr.. Spoopendyke lifted his aproned
arm and dropped it again, to see if there were
any ambition left in his system.
"Can't do something for you, dear!r asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, with fearful eyes.
''If you could sing n hymn without starting
peaceful" replied Mr. Spoopendyke, putting his
feet on a chair, and composing himself for disso-
luton.
you'd better let me attend to your arm
recommended Mrs. Spoopendyke. eff it is bad
" sprained, you ought to have something on it. -
''Didn't | tell we it was brokens Just got GU
riosity to sec it, haven't YET Can't wait for the
post mortem, can ye! Go ahead. Do what You
please. In a little while I'll be beyond pain
just take and do what yOu please with il :" and
I .lt-.
straight, and waved it around like a ham.
"1f you'd let me rotate it little, and then
bind it up with arnca, you'll be all right in an
hour" cOoed Mrs SpoOpendyke, affectionately.
''ROtate it, then" murmured Mr.. Spoopendyke.
i don't suppose it will make much difference to
my estate. Take it down in the kitchen and TO-
tate it. You misht-hOld on, dod CAST it,
| What dye think l ana pumpf Got an idea
| Pm a clOckf Let 20 Of that arm, will YET" and
Mr.. SpOopendyke pranced around the room
| ''Oh! you're surgeon, are youf All you want
| is a buck-saw and n broken balustrade to be n
! medical college. Going TO pull it out by the
| ro0tsi Spose that's a toothi 1t isn't-its an
arm, and it's busted like torpedow and Mr..
| Spoopendyke, who had been brandishing the in
jured member, began to stroke his shoulder, and
sympathize with himself
"Let me battle it in arnicap said Mrs Spoop-
cndyke. That's the best thing in the world.
just let me turn up yonr shirt sleeve, and I'll fix
| it in a minute"
every good" said Mrs Spoopendyke; al don't
suppose it will do any harm to hurry matters.
| Is my dress snit all brushedf Have / got n
shirt with button on the back to be buried in 7
| Have got q pair of socks that my immortal
soul won't shine through the toes off 'Canse il
/ haven't, ye'd better use some of your measley
arnica on my clothes. If you think I'm going
into the tomb all covered with grease, and my
| shirt Tapping around me like i was clothes
line you re mistaken, that's all :" and Mr. SpoOp-
endyke eyed his wife gloomily, while she pre-
| pared TO lave his shoulder. "Will you put me
in casket" he moaned, as she began opera
| tons
"Yes, dear" replied Mrs. spoopendyke.
Mr.. Spoopeudyke regarded his wife with one
eye, and grunted feebly.
"And you'll put a silver plate with my
name and age, and get a few fowersf You
don't want many. j shant miss 'em, If there
amt more'n six. Will You attend to it ."
YES" answered Mrs. Spoopendyke, "Tll see
that you have lots of flowers, and big fun"
II don't want "a big funeral. Suppose Pm be-
ing cut off in the midst of my usefulness Just be-
cause funerals are cheapf Have you got a clean
handkerchief to put in my pocket when I'm
deadf'
Certainly, DEAR replied Mrs. Spoopendyke
| and, having thoroughly bathed the arm, she
bandaged it carefully. "Don't you feel better p
"Perhaps if it were amputated in time, might
| get well" reioined Mr.. Spoopendyke, hitching
| his arm around to see if he could find pain
anywhere. ''What kind of crayat have got
| to wear, in case of-in the event of-the worst n
and Mr.. Spoopendyke approached the climax of
| his question as becomes man who shrinks from
| the inevitable.
"The one you've got on will do, won't it r. in
| quired Mrs. SpoOpendyke.
''No, it won't, either! Is that all I've got ?
| Expect I'm going to be buried among strangers
in a dod- gastcd neck-tie that won't hold togeth-
er four days longer' Calculate that Pm going
| to the Promised Land as though was hunting
for a job: Want me TO prowl around among the
| late lamented as though I'd busted up in bust
nessi Think I'm measley trampp and Mr..
| Spoopendyke tore off the tie and stamped on it,
and then dove into bed.
Cant you bring up my brcakfast- demand
ed Mr.. SpOcp-ndyke, the next morning. my
arms so lame can't go down Stairs
Mrs. SpOopendyke brought it up to him, and
an hour later, when dressing, he asked for his
neck-tie.
81 wish you'd look for it," said he, querulous-
| ". "YOu know can hardly move"
''Here it is, DEAR said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
handing it to him. lyon tore it off, last night,
with your sprained ARM" and she left him for
down stairs, without waiting to hear his remark
about 'measley wives, who only need long
beard and a comic song book to be q Solomon
Brooklyn Eagle.