Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-11-09
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

SPICE AND ALLSPICE.
DULL people are not made sharper by
being ground down.-New Orleans
PicGyuaae.
LIZ one dog can be placed on a scent,
how many dogs can be placed on trade
ollar?- Waterbury american.
WHICH is the better off, tea or coffee?
Coffee, as it settles itself, but tea has to
draw.
culars will be fashionable this fall and
winter. So we may expect to have them
showed into our hands, just as they have
been all summer.-Boston Transcript.
LADY lodger-" Your dog, sir, is I'M
be arabic. He bowls all night" Male
lodger-" Indeed! Well, he might do
worse than that; he might play. the
piano all day."
USEFUL officers: A fire in tenement
was put out by couple of policemen.
An enthusiast exclaimed: Chow adj
mirable our police! They arrest even
fire. "-FTe11ch.
Now comes the economical time of
year when solid overcoat covers null
titude of sins; when an old and faded
morning coat can be worn without fear,
favor OF affection.
AN a,tless young lady reader wants to
know what the young men mean when
they call young fellow "muff." A
muff, sweetest one, is something that
holds q girls hand without squeez-
ing it.
"Do you go to Sabbath school my
lad?" kindly asked city missionary of
q depraved little Dubuque urchin.
"Nary,'' answered the innocent child,
''but I've got fghtin' cock that can
walk over any bird in town that wears
gaffs. 80
A CONVICT is liberated from the galleys
after having served his term of imprison-
ment. swell, goodbye" says the
chaplain, who has deeply interested him.
self In the prisoner and has taken a real
affection for him; "good-bye, and good
luck. and try to come back to us as soon
as you can"
MITIGATED misery: eco into the
room and bring that cake off the table,"
said an Austin mother to her son. "It's
too dark; I'm afraid to go into the
room" SEQ right into that room this
instant, Or I'll go in and bring out the
strap" "If--you bring-out the
strap, replied the boy, sobbing, bring
the-cake along, too. "-Iecas Siftings.
81 1ovEmy wife, young Mr.. Osculus,
who has been married only six weeks,
was saying: "I love my wife as no
other man does" And the ripping
smile of appreciation went around the
company and died away in whispering
giggles in Swallowed windo w-seats and
dimly-ighted corners, and the young
man felt that he had failed to make him
self understood just as he wished to be.
IMPALED on hair-pin: SO What would
you do if you were l and were you ?"
tenderly inquired young swell of his
lady friend as he escorted her home from
church. WELL" said she, {" if I were
you should throw away that vile ciga-
rette, cut up my cane for fre-wood, wear
my watch-chain underneath my coat,
and stay at home nights and pray for
brains"
A YOUNG nobleman in frightful rail
way accident missed his valet. One Of
the guards came up to him and said
my lord, we have found your servant,
but he is cut in two" cav, is hep"
1 said the young man, with Dundreary
drawl, but with trace of anxiety de-
picted on his countenance. "Will you
be good enough to see in which half he
has got the key of my carpet-bag?"
CONSCIENTIOUS GUARD: "I'm afraid,
sir, the young lady can't be permitted to
travel on half-ticket; she's much over
twelve years of age" Irate papa: Do
you mean to inform me, sir, that my
daughter and [ are trying to swindle the
company? Let me tell you, sir, that we
have never been SO grossly lnsulted on
this line before, although we've both
travelled on it for over fifteen years!'
FITzNooDLE was out again worrying
the life out of the ducks with his shot
gun. He blazed away at some ducks,
and an unseen man on the other side of
the pond rose up threateningly, with
long gun, and called out, "Did you shoot
at me?'' "Did any of the shot hit
your" inquired Fitznoodle. Eyes they
did," said the man rubbing his legs.
"Then you may be certain that I didn't
shoot at you. I never hit anything /
shoot at. "-Lancaster I1atelldgencer.
In San Antonio, Tex, some young
men, returning home at late hour,
found drunken man In vacant lot,
and, being in a jovial humor, they de-
cided to have some fun. One of the
party produced pair of scissors, and
in few moments the countenance of
the sleeper was changed so that his wife
would hot recognize him. His bushy
side-whiskers were closely clipped on
one side, while the hair on the front of
his head was cut in notches, leaving lit
tie tufts standing up like sentlnels all
over his Uranium. After the completion
of their work, the young men silently
stole away, leaving the unconscious
sleeper enwrapt in his dreams. What
his family and friends said next morn
ing has not been ascertained, but it is
said his story about being initiated in
the secrets of popular order did not go
down worth cent. !
"CAN see the lady of the house p"
inquired the peddler. We'll, yes, you
L.