The Osceola times., 1881-08-06
A Frontier Funeral.
fn..nllrn Eanlal

"It's all very well to talk about your
Breoklyn funerals" said Dakota man,
as the mourners crowded up to the bar
"but you don't put the light and spirit
into plant that we do IN Our parts"
and the western gentleman shook his
head lugubriously. 81 watched this
we're racket to-day, but wasn't satisfied,
You throwd lots o. weeds and the pa'son
cut it fat, but the whole thing was tame
business compared with the time when
we drove Peter Mullins into the turf"
"Did you have a superior article Of
funeral on that occasion ?" asked one OF
the bereaved.
You called the turn, pardner," re.
piled the Dakota man. "Compared
with that game your little play to day
was deuce box. | was living in BIS.
marck City then, and I'm languagine
when / say that your style to-dyy wasn't
a seven spot to that lay out"
"Wonld you object TO giving us the
particulars of that sad AFFAIR." asked
one of the lamenting.
The Bismarck man called for refresh.
ments and braced himself for the rela.
ton.
"Pete had some trouble with seven or
played in their hands we laid out to
lock up shop and slide him under in
shape. Pete wasn't no summer coon.
He wore meat and hair all the wear
round, and as lie was the first man that
had turned down in the settlement, we
agreed to start bone-yard and
plant him for a crop.
Their wasn't any pa'son ther in
them days, but Lounsberry, the post
master, knowd hymn, and John Nc
Lean, the mayor, was a dog-iight on a
speech. So we got out the engine for
hearse, and built box for the stiff and
started in. We'd staked out claim un
on the Buford road for a grave, and Tom
Fortune bad drilled hole to put Pete
in. Everthing was in gay shape for
business, and the boys was braced for a
tune that would be credit TO the
iamented. You bet your life Well, sir,
we held the funeral in Keno hall. The
corpse was stretched on the faro
table, all fixed up with dandelIons and
catcus, and the boys sat around in rows
You can bet blue stack il was stylish,
strangeri The mills were all closed, and
we had a niger fiddler for the orches-
ira, and Mclean had bought a white
shirt to give tone to the racket.
''Lounsberry announced that the
game was open and commenced with a
hymn play about '1earest Pety. thou
hast left us, ana thy loss is deeply
feeled, but no bean,eater could bereait
us if thou hadst have Just been heeled.'
He said he made it up himself, but |
reckon he heard is somewhere in the
States. Then John Mclean started in
on the Declaration of Independence, and
whenever he throwd up his hand the
boys howled 'AmenP You can smile.
stranger, but Pm remarking you don't
often lite into a high-toneder spread
than the send-oif we gave Pete. When
Jack got through with the Declaration
we liquored up, and Jim Emmons took
hold. He'd found an act OF the Illinois
Legislature somewhere, and he read that
so that you could hear the stove rattle.
Then Lounsberry sang Marching
Through Georgia, and by that time we
were all feeling pretty good. You never
seen better shake-up in all your ,e.
Jake Richards was keeping cases, an i he
proposed three cheers for the stiff. and
you double your gamble he got 'em.
We was just warming up TO the work
when George Peoples SHE'D his hat and
made the dog-gondest best Grafton that
was ever played in that kind of a game.
George is humorous, and he got of the
best conundrums you ever listened to,
Fun! Well now, pardner, you may
blush!
well ,sif, ,afler that part ofthe exercises
was over We hammered the lid down
over Pete and histed him up the engine.
Me and Richards steadied him and the
gang laid hold Of the rope. George Peo-
pies was foreman, and the niger iddler
straddIed the coffin playing, we won't
go home till mornin'. We stopped twice
on the way TO brace, and we made the
last mile in something like five minutes.
Ialk about your steam machinesl That
was the best fire engine company in
eight territories.
When we got to the grave
we found that Tom had built
a hole seven feet deep and
Just the size of the box. Had TO paut
HIM standing up, but that didn't hart
MN any. l-ounsberIy started up Good
by, Sweetheart and Mclean read a
poem about boy on a ship that wouldn't
go home for fear his dad would warm
HIM. Jim Emmons started on a PRAYER,
and then things grew lively. We didn't
want no airs over the funeral, and we
told him he could lay no political pipe
that way. But he allowed he'd cash
that prayer in or there'd be row. That
settled It," And the Dakota man paused.
How did you come out?" asked one of
tn, 'steners.
, "a dragged out" replied the Da-
kota simply. "Leastwise, | was
Iound /. ne distance Off when they look
ed for me. didn't see the turn called,
and didn't know nothing about the
next deal. l didn't get out for
month";"