The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-08-04
CUR COL 0NEL'S STORY.

OR SLIP 'TwIxT THE CUP AND THE LIP.
"You all knew Sandy Mcpherson, ,"
said our colonel.
Intimatelyp Perfectlyl GAS
well as ny own brother, STRIP most of
us replied, though, if the truth be told
there was rot a man at the mess-table
who had ever heard of Mcpherson be-
fore. You see, it was the commanding
officer who spoke, and it was always
risky saying him nay when he expected
yea.
"They used to call him, you recol-
lect, The Great Unwashed,' a vulgar
but appropriate sobriquet, nevertheless,
continued the chief. "Great, on ac-
count of his burly and previously ugly
person unwashed, by reason of his ac-
credited scant acquaintance with brown
Windsor spring water and the functions
of the dhirzeesan dhobies-i e., tailors
and washermen of the land.
'On his coffee estate in the noun
talns and among his undraped and un-
scrubbed coolies, this disregard for the
comforts and conveniences of life went
for nothing perhaps it was even in
keeping with the surroundings but
when he came down to this city, walked
in its pnhlic gardens and esplanade, or
showed with its swells at the band, his
appearanc,- WAS something too outra-
geous, and his brother X. G. BIS, mean
ing Knights of the Coffee Berry, and not.
as yon might suppose, of the Order OF
the Bath, dressy nen hereabouts, what
H. N hoy hnin ,oIo -
cast him completely into the shade bY
their get-up and gorgeousuess.
Gas for the spinsters and young widow
of the station there was scarce one but
who fought shy of admitting him into
her presence as a morning visitor, much
less as suitor, though many of these
blooming ladies were on the sharp look
out for the silken chains of matrimony,
and Barkis- that is to say, MCPHERSON
was, as they knew, willing.
But, disadvantages of person and at
tire notwithstanding, he was right
good fellow, this same gentleman. He
was honest, hard working, thrifty, sim
ple-minded, and, from being mere ad-
venturer without interest, friends or
money, he had, self-helped only, saved
up the bawbees little by little had
bought patch after patch, acre after
acre, of virgin land; cut down its timber
cleared it, planted it, and now he had
squatted down free from membranes
on Ailsa Craig, as he called his property,
as pretty and as fruitful small coffee
estate as could befound in one of the
most picturesque districts of this lovely
island.
"Now young gentlemen who are in
the habit of lawn-tenising, afternoon
teaing, talking, spooning, walking,
driving, with all the feminines, plain
and colored, of this place, and who
think that You have only to ask and be
received-which beg and entreat you
will not put to the test, cutting up the
mess and so on-cant perhaps realize
to yourselves the difficulties the worthy
am speaking of had met with in even
this overstocked matrimonial empo-
rum. The Anglefralls, the Hunters,
the Hoolers, lots of girls whom I will
not name, had snubbed or turned UP
their pretty noses at him when he came
a-wooing, and so, ,aOlenS U0lenS, he re-
manned bachelor, matchmaking his
ill-luck and venting his disappointments
upon the backs of shirking and recu-
SAINT Tamil coolies, the recognized natu-
raj enemies of coffee and the scape-
goats of its cultivators.
Then as last resource he sought
from his brethren of the berry around
counsel as to the most advisable method
of getting the so needed helpmate, and
the first man he consulted was Herr
Thaler, a successful and rich German.
whose estate bordered on Ailsa Craig.
$3.50, sol said that parsonage. sZere
is noting more easy. Zave off zat ragget
beard, burn in re fire zose old clodes
not tit for 'Oundsdltch or any Juden
Strasse, buy Won big tob, mein friend,
get ZONE Europe muster coats and zen
return to re frauleins and vidder fraus
vid re monish bag in re 'ands. If zey
will not ave zou, zey will take re rupee;
frost 'em for Eat, my zon.'
"But the recommendation was unpalat-
able, and to great extent impracticable,
so another .tiduS AchdteS was appealed
to, one Jack lie Geste, man mucn ad-
dicted to chaff and practical joking.
:" In this land of pearls and precious
stones, no go, dear boy said Mr.. le G.
From Dondra Head to Point Gala
mere-north, south, east, west-the
women won't look at you; that you
have found out long ago. Give up
hunting, then, in these oft-trod colonial
fields, and draw the home covers. Don't
you happen to know bonnie lassie in
your own caledonia stern and Wild" or
a pretty colleen in the oisle of shillelahs
and shamrocks, who would be glad to
share curry and rice with you? Go and
try those parts; if not, have haphazard
shy at where l hail from, the Channel
Islands. Spins AYE, and precious good.
looking ones too-are as plentiful there
as cocoanuts are here, and maybe one of