Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1881-02-04
Can ce.ibacy be Excused.
n. Y. Times.l

So many and SO uniform are the homi-
lies uttered by tongue and pen on the
beauty and benson of marriage that the
inference is emphasized that celibacy is
without compensation. Young men are
continually advised and urged, privately
and publicly, to take a wife, the supposi-
ton being, whether erroneous or not,
that Young women are very willing to be
taken under almost any circumstances.
The postulate that marriage is always de-
sirable is obviously false. 1t is only de-
sirable when such conditions exist for
and between the couples as are far from
common, and frequently unattalnable.
The prospect of connubial misery would
seems to be quite as good as the prospect
Of connubial happiness, and no amount
OF foresight or discretion Will insure any
pair against sharp disappointment and
bitter discomfort Everybody is aware
OF this-it is little less than a truism-
and yet on all sides preachments resound
il favor Of universal matrimony.
Are the preachers malignants in dis
guise? By no means They are benevo-
lent enough, but they talk without knowl-
edge and advise without experience.
They think, because marriage is natural,
that it must be beneficial, when its possi-
bic benefit depends solely on the mutual
fitness of those who undertake it, and on
the characters of their surroundings.
They advocate the conjugal lottery with
ont remembering its numserless blanks,
as they are called, though a conjugal
blank is something much worse. When
aprize is not drawn, woe is very hkely to
come in its stead. Celibacy is q thou
l.o+to,. t1a,, hov afr1,n n,ra
maria ge, and certainly safer than the
most promising union. Cehbacy Is at
worst only an absence OF potential COM
forts and Joys marriage at worst is the
sum Of human wretchedness, and as it
usually is, is very different from the ro-
mautic notions formed Of it. From its
supreme reality, its inevitable matter Of
fact, its endless prosaic details. it Is as
far as it well can be from the ideal. 1t
has its advantages, OF course, and many
Of them. when it is propitious /; but it
has, under the most favorable circum-
stances, its disadvantages also. Much
NAV be said in its behoof, though the
fairest life ever turned TO the sun has its
shadowed side.
So with celibacy. A deal of cehsure
may be pronounced upon it, and rightly |;
but it has its recompense. Many per-
sons do not wish 10 be married, and more
generally those anxious to be-are not
fitted for the state. Good wifehood or
true Lusbandship is not inherited with
birth nor does it appear to the multi
tude. Those who cannot live alone can
not as a rale live together. Connubial
adaptation is evidence Of self-discipline,
of forbearance, or individuality. The
best wives and the best husbands are
doubtless they who, with n variation of
their destiny, would have been model
maidens and model bachelors. Nor is it
improbable that many who would have
been the noblest patterns of welded do
mesticity are to-day enjoying themselves
in single blessedness.
While If may be truthfully said that
women in general would prefer TO be
married ii they could be happily married
"A very momentous, though seldom con-
sidered, hypothcsis-there are many men
who have no desire to be ehusbands, much
less fathers Of family, under the most
favorable circumstances. Albeit matri-
mony presses far more weightily on wo-
men. and involves twice the responsible
ity, care and anxietSthat it has for men,
they ere much reader to accept it, from
constitutional proclivity, from ardent
hopefulness, from capacity to believe
what they are eager to believe, from al
overilowing sense Of its propriety, from a
sort of consciousness that it liz Il duty
they owe TO themselves and society at
large Matrim0nv, moreover furnishes,
ably, support and material indie
pandenc., and while it diminishes theiI
~. fb.... 4,
erty on the other. They are apt to be
always in state Of tutelage; they are
accustomed to prompting and guidance
they wish and need somebody TO lean on,
to be their counselor, companion, director,
friend, and husband is the best person,
ON the whole, if he be worthy, to dis
charge these functions. Indeed, a hus-
band is, rs life and society are at present
ordered, essential to the roundness and
fulness Of awoman' existence.
Men have not the same motives Vi tn,
same feelings for wedlock that womer
have. Their instinct toward the othe
sex has no necessary connection with con
iugality. Some, in fact great many
men are positively and by Temperament
anti-domestic-la no liking for, ant
no grateful associations with home. Wifi
and children afford no pleasant images
the very opposite, in truth-all the argu
ments employed in behalf Of marriage
are, to their mind arguments against it
For such men to become husbands, a
they often do from stress Of circumstan
ces, from dictates Of chivalry, from in
expGcable causes, is always unfortunate
for, though they may be loyal and duti
ful, they never are, ms they know, all tina
they should be. Even men domestic b,
nature and training must feel that the,
lose something by marriage. II the,
carry out their covenant with any strict
ness they viii be deprived Of larg
share of their freedom, and freedom i
dearer TO men, certainly to Americans
than any other one thing. Women ar
supposed to value love first to he will
ing, even happy, to be enslaved by 1t an
for 1t but no amount Of love call atom
to men for lack of freedom.
The material question Of living mus
enter, too, into mans calculation. II
can generally earn sufficient for himself
but he may not be able to support two
with contingencies A bachelor beinI
comfortable and contented as he is surel
runs a serious risk to marry, for marriag
is an extraordinary change. A great cit
encourages bachelorhood more than hus
bandship II is not strange that SO man
inhabitants Of capitals refrain from wed
lock The wonder rather is that it is 6
frequently and boldly confronted