The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-05-26
THE NEWSPAPER.

THE NEWSPAPER.
Hezehiah Jones, Editor of the FIapdoodle,
Draws n Few Sketches from Nature.
From the stsubenvlls Herald.l
The editor of the EQeniag Flapdoodle
sat in his sanctum the other morning,
just before beginning his days work, and
thought he had brought his. paper about
as near perfection as possible for an ordi-
nary-sized town close to half dozen big
cities, and he was wondering how he
might further improve it, when his cogi-
tations were interrupted by an acquaint-
ance coming in.
"Hello. Mr.. Scissors" he facetiously
said, 'swriting up editorials with the
shears, eh?"
The editor tried to smile at the old
joke, and the visitor went on. 81 tell,
you what it is, Jones, you have pretty
good paper, but what do you want in a
town like this with long editorials Give
us short ones. You can't mold public
sentiment, you must simply echo it. "
Then he left, and Jones told his associate
not to write any long editorials that day,
as he proposed, for once, to make the
Fzdpdoodte just to suit every subscriber
who wanted change. In half hour
along came wicked fellow who talked
newspaper long while, and then said
he didn't see any use of Sunday reading,
nor any other religious matter In pa
per, and if it was his he would bounce it
all. The editor said nothing, but when
the man went away he told his Sunday
editor not to send any matter for that
day. Then Jones rested and thought for
a few minutes, and a pious old party
dropped in. As he knew good deal
about the business In its moral aspect,
he talked along, and at last said that no
newspaper could be decent which ad-
mitted to its columns any sensational
matter, any advertisements other than
the most high-toned, any slangy squibs,
or anything which could not be read
without blush by the most capriciously
fastidious. Jones was silent, but later
he went and ordered all that matter set
aside. So far, Jones thought he was
getting things to suit pretty well, and
then another man came in, and like the
others, knew all about the business OF
editing a paper. He was a city poEti-
clan, and said, ''Mr. Jones, you don't
have enough politics. Whyrdon't you
throw out these farm notes.
and kitchen receipts, and odds and
ends. of old news, and telegraphit
pers and give us politics? That's what
the children cry for" Again was Jones
silent and later gave orders for the ex-
and waited for the next one He came
pretty soon, and he had coffin for
coat and shroud for handkerchief, ant
he smelt like the dust which blows off O
askeleton. Said he, "Jones, I like you
paper, but what do you run that funn-
business in it for? It's silly, stale, ant
fiatter than last years ale with the bottl
left open. What does man want +
laugh for anyhow? This is a vale O
tears and we should always remembe
, that in the uncertainty of life death ma,
, cut us off with an idle laugh upon ou
, lips" '"That's so, "groaned Jones. "I'l
cut every line of fun right out" and OF
he hurried and out went all the funn,
! business. As he went home at noon b
, met a lady who said she didn't Sc
what they wanted to fill paper full @
politics for, because nobody read that
"Don't they?" said Jones, ''then out sh
goes" and when he got back it all wen
out '1'm bound to please 'em all' sal
,, the editor, eff have to-buy a new Of
, fice." Rightafter dinner aman of bushes
5 procivities came in and said he didn'
. see any use of ''these silly little per
: sonals and them short local items tina
t didn't amount to anything anyway" ]
l it was his paper he would have some
: thing of higher nature or let the plac
: go. bare. Jones listened and told tn
/ foreman to whack out all that sort {
9 stuff at once. Then he felt. easier, till
:. lot of pretty girls came in, and, afte
J making purchase, asked him what
newspaper was filed full of advertise
ments for; nobody ever read them, an
one said she was going to stop takin
the paper if he was going to fill it u
: that way. Jones told the young lady /
J, would have paper to suit every one, I
|, rather made after the suggestions
' every one, and he hoped she would N
l. find fault. Then he went and o
9 dered out every 'ad.' and smat
y and smooth, and waited f
u the next man. He came along pret
; soon, and said he could stand anythir
Il but poetry, and that was his abomin
% ton in a newspaper, and it never oug
to encounter thecolumns of local jou
= nal, because it was meant for magazine
70 and that sort of papers. Jones took
y in, and went out and ordered all his ii
le i poetry knocked down. Then he wait
re again, and woman came in, and sa
Of the fashion notes were no good, becau
1t the magazines had them all in great
- quantity, and another thing she did
ID like, was the markets. "What go
Or was theml" she said. "I don't know
I'd he replied, $50 I'll throw 'em out
st hope you will, she answered, and we
u away. In ten minutes the markets a
RS fashions were on the standing gall
n Jones began to look around, and as
st was studying, small boy said to b
lg that marriage and death notices v
Sc mighty thin readin'," and Jones slu
III them clear out into the corner. Al
Sc this change he went over into the cou
ne ing room, and an old man was tn
at waiting to pay his subscription. "It'
1d good paper, Jones, but in this place J
ne only want to take notice of local affa
its and let all the miscellaneous and gene
he business CO." and-then Jones gave
"a old fellow receipt and rushed back 6
e. took out all the miscellaneous and G
to eral matter that was left, and as he +
n out the last handful a friend ca
lc- through the Office and critically exam
d. ing his surroundings, said, "The Fl
IL u, - l,,,k I