National Republican., 1881-02-12
ANOTHER SYMPOSIUM
IN sMoKE-KousE JIM's BACK ROOM.
Bebate About the CIOak-ROOms at Inauguration
The Entertainment Of Coming Visitors
Discussed-What They viii Ee
Fed 0n-Tke Estimates.


cheese, as he passed by TO the chair and hastily
called the meeting TO order.
Then for the first time he noticed long, narrow
strip of inch stuff, ornamented with numerous
wooden pegs projecting horizontally from ii, which
had since the previous convocation, been securely
nailed against the wall so as TO extend completely
across the further end of the room al height OF
some six feet above The flooring.
At frat he thought he might be the victim of ar
optical Illusion, Che had once or twice in the
course of his busy life been troubled that way }
but after removing, wping, and carefully replacing
his eyeglasses which had never yet failed him, and
satisfying himself that the thing was real he in
quired, Watts thet fer?" at the same time point
ing out the object with a wave ofhis hand.
"Wha'- watts dat? Wy, boss, dat ar am de.cloak-
room, wha de ladies'n gemm'n (barrin de ladies
boss disenable dem sel's oh dey're cloakuses II
fixins responded the proprietor of the establish
ment.
The Jedge" went over to inspect more closely
the skillfuIly- planned and ingeniously con-
structed device provided by the committee on pub
lie comfort but Immediately returned, relnarking
al don't hang no hat ov mine on nary one oV them
yer pegs. No, sab! They're too rough, sab? An
insult toe This yer assembilidSe. onworthy w
Riggero even
Deacon Fulsome wished TO know why the strip
had not been planed and the pegs sand -papered,
observing 4" So long ez we so credut, and illso-
much ez the bills is paid by somebody else (Which
is the samel We might jest as well hey things ship
shape"
Jim volunteered the information that the i'm
provement il It's then condition had cost him the
exorbitant sum of $780, "''n', Boss" continued
the ex-chattci, 4" hit war dref1ie dubers0me work
toe loocidate dat firm dis chile's pocket. 1t war
in fac"
"Fo' de Laud, gemnl'n,' he continued, II
conld'n' substanshuate de Quartah fr smOovin' ov
ii. Deed shuah''
This brought "Jedge" TurkIes 20 his feet.
"I hev succeeded" he said, III his most sGnorous
voice, 4 hev succeeded III secoOring ov a con-
teribooshun, throo my own individooal exer-
shuns fer speshul ohjec', Ov witch am the sub
jec'. But ruth'rn hev sech a onmitigated impo-
siShun toe gaze ontoe and toe reflect upon, wiil"
(here he looked magnanimoUsly and condescend
ingly down upon the brethrenl, 81 Will assOome
the cost ov the rccOnstruckshun Ov the cloak
rooms toe the full amount ov twenty five cents and
pay it out Ov my irdividooal cCIlecshun afore-
said"
Elder stuky suggested that perhaps the neces-
sary means might be raised among the friends of
the honorable chairman.
"No, sah!" vigorously interposed the Jedge.'
"No-o, sab! I objec' TO any sech high handed
purceedin'. Ny fr'en'S her been canyassed My
fr'en's pockets hey been rakcd with fine-tooth
comb three times Ovah sab, TO elec' nc wen wuz
runnin fer tn presidency this yer inStitooshun.
1hev sacrificed nay fren's befo' they knowd it, and
don't allow that they shell be hunted ovah agin.
No, sahI'
Such an unexampled application of the civil
service rules adopted by the Symposium for the
government Of its membership rather astonished,
not only the elder, but all the Others who were
present
"Majah" Shadsby mildly intimated that the
chairman was out of order.
Me. Ne out Of order, who hev sot on tn
county cote fr 70 yeah befo' tn wah," yelled the
"Jedge" as he made a rush for the valiant son of
Mars who retreated behind the stove as his assail-
ant advanced; 1 nevah out Ov order, sab"
AT this critical moment Jim, having heard the
rumpus, came i'll with a brinlming glass of oily
liquid which he elevated TO level with the anger
whitened lips of the irate chairman, whose wrath
subsided instanter. Tears came into his eyes as he
gulped down the precious draught, after which he
resumed his scat and presided during the remain
der of the evening in his usual dignified manner
The Introduction of refreshments at such an
early stage Of the proceedings, while It acted like
o charm upon the worthy symposiarch, heverthe-
less produced a far different effect upon twenty
four other anxious stomachS by arousing within
them the demon of thirst.
Majah Podger, Ke-y yUrnel Cheeky, and Ke- yurnel
Dick Mugglethorpe simultaneously suggested that
all take sutiln" An investigation followed, but
the finance committee after a long and painful
stting reported only fourteen cents in the treasury
Honorable Chinwind here showed himself |
man by pocketing the sum contributed and giving |
Jim an order for the necessary amount $3.50 upon
the pay clerk, to be deducted out of his months |
salary. The honorable gentleman thereby came in |
fourteen cents ahead: for as he condentialIy re-
marked to Elder Stukey, "my months pay is !
shingled over g foot deep with just such orders |
and Jim won't get penny. I've told the clerk not !
70 pay any of EN-"
The chief subject of the evening having been |
discussed, Ke- -yurnel Cheekey obtained the floor |
and offered a resolution calling for the appoint |
ment of a committee to arrange for the entertain
ment of visitors during the approaching inaugural
ceremonies.
The Honorable Chinwfnd opposed the resolution |
with his accustomed vigor. Why" he argued, |
"should We in the present impoverished condi-
ton of cur treasury, assume such an unnecessary
burden as the proper caring for of distinguished |
guests VIII certainly require? Where are the funds
to come from?"
"Majah" Podger favored the measure alt is |
trOo," he observed, "thet we hev committees
enough already; but it is doc toe the honah ov the
Capital City thet horspitaitee, our glorious ban
ner, be flung toe the breeze as q bird ov glad |
omen toe all comers. Committees alwuz means
your names onto the program and the etseteras 1
wunst s0t ontoe committee whar the etsctteras
wuz gorjus"
"Jcdge" Ke-ayrter, who was strongly conserva-
tive in all matters Of public policy interrupted:
"Can the brother inform US ov the probable ex-
peDditoor toe be saddled OntOe US purvidin we
TeSuloOt committee as seiestedf'
"IHEy A ESTIMATE
resumed the Majah, in answer to the interroga-
tory hev a estimate w'ich viii show my idees
OY the subjec, and
"Firstly-We hev buildin' w'ieh costs US nuthin'.
"Secondly-Wehe hev the chairman's eontribushun,
wich costs him nothin'; and
"Thirdly-We hev cur cloak-rooms witch we
nevah expec to pay fer, n witch may be sot down
ez clear gain, and by chargin' Ov insignificant
amount-a cent a peg-hit mOught be made a
source Of revenoo even!
"0v course there must be moosic for dancin',
and hev institooted inquiries, and hev secoored
the refoosal cy q origin with bar1 attachment, and
moosic sot up ready fer grindin'-' Bonny Bloc
Flag Ny Marylan,'' and other patriotic toons
with Eyetalian toe match, all ov witch viii cost
jest at we perpOse it shcl, wich is nothing toe
us).
Then thar will be supper, fer ov course people
must eat.
al seieSt that We hev inscribed onto our bill Nv
fares the follOwin. to wit, namely:
Fust roUnd--Crackcrs n cheese
"Seckon round-Cheese n crackers
Third round-Dried herrin' m salt
Fourth round lde-sert)-Cheese lively
"By combinin' these ingrcjunts we kin hev
6ne mc-new N crackers n cheese Cspeshully
herrinD r mighty satisfyin'.
Fer drinks we kin hev Potomac watah, an
wat is moro satisfyin toe herrin' thin watah %
" The brother has forgotten TO make mention of !
either lights or a floor to dance upon," interrupted
young LimbeTlegs.
Al Don't go toe interrupt me, young man." inter
pOlated the Maiah, and continued: ,
Crackers cost us notllin' cheese costs us ,
nothin, heTrin' costs US nOthin' It is watah that
touches the fggers; but we hev little use fer it."
Now toe rec-SOO- man: