The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-28
MRS. TRUMpErs TELESCOPE.


. ..". -
Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet moved
through life's various scenes like a cata-
putt, a battering ram, an eighty-one-
ton gun, thunderbolt, or anything that
is the embodiment of all-conquering
force. 7.. 1914
She was widow. Fifteen years ago
she had been Miss Mainwaring, with
plenty of good blood in her veins but no
money in her purse. Benjamin Thursby
Trumpet, Esq, a Bristol merchant,
sprung from the gutter, and, worth a
heap of money, "came :" and "saw -
Miss Mainwaring, and was soon
quered." He proposed for her; she ac-
cepted his money. In three weeks time
she was Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet. She
became rich, and rare were the gems
she wore; but D, that vulgar husband !!
With all her eccentricities, she was a
lady; and o, that husband! Mrs. Main
waring Trumpet learned the lesson that
others have learned before her-that you
can not sell yourself and have yourself
at the same time. Well, she fetched a
handsome price, and, to do her justice,
she did not grumble much.
Benjamin Thursby Trumpet-like Mr..
Bounderby in Hard Times ''-loved
to talk of his origin, and how he rose
from nothing, leaving the audience to
infer what clever, hard-headed fellow
he must be. But he grew too fond of
this practice, and one day, when he had
been riding his hobby pretty hard, a
wag, upon his leaving the room, caught
up his visiting card, and reading the in
itials aloud" B. L. Trumpet ''-called
him on the spot Mr.. Blow the Trumpet.
The name stuck. Two months after she
was married a loving friend said to the
bride: aa s0.sslifa.
"Do you know they nickname your
husband Mr.. Blow the Trumpet"
The bride broke into laugh; the
shaft of such a malice could not harm
her. She rather enjoyed it; and the
friend had to search her culver for an
other arrow. ... ... -.. ..s.
"And they do say-you don't mind,
of course, dear-that he has met his
match, and that you are Mrs. Blow the
Trumpet. Horribly low, L call it, dear.
Don't youp"
The bride nearly tainted with indig-
nation, and for the first and only time
in her life needed smelling salts. She
was not half so excited on the memora-
BILE night when her husband was found
sitting in his dining-room over his port,
quite dead. She pronounced it apoplexy
at glance, sent for the doctor and flew
about the house with brandy and basins
of mustard poultices and hot fannels,
reminding all who saw her in some mex
plicable way of a fire engine making
its way to an exciting conflagration.
But she did not faint, and never asked
for so much as Whit out of a smelling
bottle.
Thus did Miss Mainwaring become
Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet, widow, with
a large fortune all her own. The vulgar
husband was gone" mercifully re-
leased, my DEAR" the widow would say;
though what it was from except her.
self-no one could have told. And vet
Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet was not hap
py. Who lisp She wanted to get rid of
this dreadful name, Mrs. Blow the
Trumpet. How should she manage itP
Apply to the Queen for a patentP Mrs.
Mainwaring Trumpet bethought her of
"iA 0"oiOi, nioA0 oShoodulo, duu q more
economical way.
The rector of her parish was wild
over, tall, lank, gloomy, and always
wearing comforter. An ordinary
hedgestake, neatly dressed in clerical
attire, with white wooden wrapping at
the upper end, surmounted by a black
hat, might have passed for the Rev. Ar
thur Arrowsmith at very short dis
lance. Mr.. Arrowsmith was powerful
preacher, and in common life grave,
yet apt at times to be seized with kind
OF grim humor, of which the sign would
be a series of violent inhalations. These,
in an ordinary being, would have de-
noted the onset of fit, but with Mr..
Arrowsmith only meant that his fancy
was tickled. He had been twice mar
ried. His first wife had 100000, and
she lived ten years. He became trebly
gloomy for the space of eighteen months,
and always had an allusion in his SER
mons to the grave where ones heart was
lying. Suddenly he cheered up and
married another lady, this time with
Ego, 200, and his sermons began to al
lude to the possibilities of comfort that
are provided for even the greatest sor-
rows. The second Mrs. Arrowsmith,
however, held out better than her pre-
decessor, and it was twenty years before
her relict found himself raking up his
old illusions to the quiet grave and the
people who are there. And now Mrs.
Arrowsmith the second had been dead
for eighteen months clear, and Mr.. Ar
rowsmith, thinking once more of conso-
lation, fixed his eyes on Mrs. Mainwar-
ing Trumpet. His eyes were not much
to look at, being deep-set and no-col-