Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-06-15
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

GOES by water-A toper.-Salena
Sunbeam.
HE Farragut statue in Central park
shrlnks whenever it rains into statue
wet.
The hair-dresser hopes his heirs will
never be able to say that ''he dyed
poor"
The bottle generally gets the drop on
the toper.-Neoo York Commercial i'd
Uertiser.
A WESTERN editor wrote an article on
Rhubarb," and the compositor made
pl of it YOnkers Statesman.
WHEN actors get angry with one an
other, they generally make up before
the next perfor1nance.-Boston Tram
script.
ga POLICE periodical called the Hand
cuff is issued in Chicago" It must be
published in the interest of wrists
NOqTistoaOn Herald.
CHICAGO boasts of four-million-aire.
Lambert Tree is his name. There's a
family tree worth cultivating "Make
way for Lambert-tree!'
HALL lanterns for summer houses are
surrounded by some people with creep
ing vines which, however, are apt to at
tract other creeping things.-Er.
"JUsT take bottle of my medicine"
said an agent to consump tive, "and
you will never cough again. els it so
fatal as that" gasped the sufferer.
"S1ENcE is golden sometimes, but
when fellow fails to respond to a dun
it looks more like brass.-WSt and
WISDOM
IT was tramp printer who snapped
chalked on the soles of the worst
CulI.
''SEE here, waiter" said Caulihower,
pushing away his egg-soup with disgust,
81 don't want to count chickens before
they are Matched. - Central city (Ne6.)
Item.
HEALTH is wealth." says a patent
medicine advertiser. You are wrong.
respected sir, if health were more uni
versal, to you it would be Bankruptcy
PbiI0. Gtronicle-Her0ld.
MISS BRowNsToNE says that if she has
a dog she wants one of those great Sarah
Bernhardt dogs that dig those dear old
monks out of the snow in Switzerland
Boston Commercial Bulletin.
"MAIDEN's CHEEK" is a new color.
The fellow who takes a girl to an ice
cream saloon and has her order the plate
refilled four times thinks it muse be
rather brassy hue.-BOston Post.
The women seem to have the same
feelings regarding the suffrage that the
Frenchman did about his money: "Me
git him, me no wants him; me no can
have him, me wants him like thundair."
ADDRESS to bottle:
IT'S very strange that you and 1
Together cannot pull;
For you are full when 1 am dry,
And dry when am full
The COur5er-JOuTn0Es account of a
marriage was headed " Mated in May"
We suppose that "Joined in June and
]" Attached in August will be the fate
of those who come later in the season.
Chicago Tribune.
81 BELIEVE the jury have been inocu-
lated for stupidity said the testy law
yer. "That may be, replied his op-
ponent, "but the bar and court are Of the
opinion that you had it in the natural
way. "-LoaUeU Courier.
LAW PRoFEssoR-"W What constitutes
burglary?" Student" There must be
a breaking" professionalism If a
man enters your door and takes five dol
lars from your vest pocket in the hall,
would that be burglary?' Student
eyes, sir, because that would break me. F"
Harvard AdUocate.
A GENTLEMAN from Indiana recently
registered in an Illinois hotel and looked
IL Ia L L
"Please do not blow out the gas" The
occupant of the, adjoining room heard
him remark: 81 pay my money, and I'm
going to blow out the gas If / want to.
Chicago Tribune.
"SPEAKING of bathing" said Mrs.
Partington, from behind the steam that
arose from her tea as veil to her bushes
when touching upon SO delicate sub
ject, "some can battle with perfect i'm
purity in water as cold as Greenland's
icy mountains and India's coral strand;
but for my part, I prefer to have the
water little torpid"
A TRAVELLER on miserable lean steed
was hailed by Yankee, who was hoeing
his pumpkins by the roadside. "Hallo,
friend,' said the farmer. "where are you
bound % ''I'm going out to settle in
the western country replied the other.
+" Well, get off and straddle this here
pumpkin-vine; it will grow and carry you
faster than that ere beast"
"MoTHER,' asked Mary Jane at the
breakfast table, one Monday morning
''Don't you think gray hair is awful be-
coming?" Mary Jane, it should be re-
marked, has beau whose locks are sill
vern. ''Yes, 1 do, replied her mother
grabbing at something on Mary James
shoulder; 'syes, think it becoming too
common. That makes the tenth one.this
morning." holding it up between her
thumb and finger.-Boston Transcript.
Mrs. SPANGLEs breathlessly said:
"Dear, I will tell you an awful, awful
thing. Dc you know that Mr.. Slowbox
cannot take his breakfast in the morning
until he has had cocktail. Now. nv
NJ. C,,oonloc novnr docs c,.ob a oc