The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-11-04
WHY WE LAUGH.


Apache motto None but the brave deserve
the hair.-Sdn Francisco Post. "."-
The farmer that "rrln rapidly through his
property" wore red shirt and had his brin-
die bull behind him.
A retired prize-fghter asserts that ga belt
in the machine-shop is worth two in the
mouth."-Cambridge Tribune. .a
A romantic young girl and tenor singer
are harmless when apart, but they make
q terrific combination.-Sdn Francisco Post.
A boy in one of our public schools, having
been told that reptile is an animal that
creeps, on being asked the name of one,
promptly replied: "A baby"
any Love is Gone" is the title Of the lat
est song by a young man in Boston. OF
course, this is rough, but "the absent girl
eats no oysters."-NeU Orleans Times.
Counting is natural blessing. 1t teaches
young people to speak mildly, especially If
the old folks are in the next room with the
door Philadelphia Chronicle Herald.
An American tourist was visiting Naples
and saw Vesuvius during an eruption.
/" Have you anything like this In the New
World?" was the q sestion of an Italian
spectator. "No," replied Jonathan, {" but /
guess we have mill-dam that will put it
out in five minutes"
"You are on the wrong tack" said the
pilots wife. to the hardy son of the loud
sounding sea when he sat down on 1t and
arose with the usual EXPLANATIONS. "No,"
be replied, after q critical examination. G
am on the right tack, but shoot me dead If l
w nf an nnfa N
Hd,ckeye.
"Stole any chickens dis week, Brudder
Jones?" said searching class-leader to a
member of suspiciously- y-thieving propensi-
ties. emo, sah-tank de Lor'." "You'se
done WELL" said the leader, and passed on,
while "Brudder Jones " turns to Brudder
Brown" and whispers: "Lucky he said
chickens If he'd said ducks he'd had me,
shuah l"-NeW Orleans Times. ..
Last week strapping negro woman was up
before an Austin Justice, charged with un-
mercifully beating her boy, saddie-colored
imp. al don't understand how you can
have the heart to treat your own child so
cruelty" "Jedge, has you been parent of
a wufless yaller boy like dat ar cub Of mine?''
"Never!" calculated the Judge with great
vehemence, getting red in the face. "Den
don't talk. ."-Teras Sittings.
An officer Of the Union army relates that
upon one occasion after charge upon the
enemy's works. fierce encounter, and fall
back for reinforcement, bright young Irish
soldier was found to have a rebel flag cap
tured from the foe. Approaching him he
said: "I'll send that to the rear as one of
our trophies; give me the fag." "Sure, I'll not
give ye it," said Pat; "if ye are wanting one,
there's plinty av 'em behind that ridge over
beyant where got this sure ye can 60 and
get one for yerseif."
An Iowa paper tells of two lovers who
were permanently separated by the interpo-
sition of q cold cloud of realism" Being
freely interpreted this means probably thar
they were not kindred souls. The circum-
stance recalls the instance of q romantic
young lady who had very fine head Of hair
One evening, when her affianced stood gazing
very inquisitively at IL in the midnight, she
said, with much feeling: "John, are you
thinking that each one of these hairs Is like
golden cord binding you to happiness I? y
"Well, no." he answered, mechanically, al
was thinking what nice mosquito-net they
would make"
A beautiful moonlight evening is good fol
building houses. No maney. 10 gsgyiEed, .oRly
after they are married. They sit down
with their arms entwined around each other
and say they will build as soon as they are
married and the season is advanced little
They will have two-story house with ar
attic. They will have athree-story house
perhaps. 1t shall have this or that number
Of rooms. This convenience or that con
venience will make 1t much more desirable
| than any other house. Hundreds of little
points are discussed. The season advances
No house built. The other fellow build,
the house. Vicksburg Herald.