Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-06-25
WIT AND WISDOM.

NEVER cry over SplIJ mllk. Inere II
enough water in it already.
SOME men try to make home pleasant
for their wives by staying away from it.
A BUNGHoLE is a very necessary thing
in a barrel, but, after all, it is nothing.
THE Boston transcript calls Bob In
gerson the sham Paine of free-think-
erS.
IT is true that the crow is thief, and
steals the farmers corn but it is not
without caws.
AN irresistible joker, in selling horse,
said, "He's good war steed; he'd
sooner die than rum"
WHAT one of the sex says: ga little
old maid confesses that the smallest wo-
men look hopefully to Hymen."
MARK TWAIN says "'Nore but the
brave deserve the fair, and none but the
brave can live with some of them"
"HoNEsTY is the best policy ;" You
may not get rich at it, but it pretty
safe insurance against blue blazes.
IT Is never safe to take too much in
terest in the affairs of your neighbors.
Six per cent. ought to be enough for any
one.
"'TIs love that makes the world go
round" It also makes the young man
go round-to the home of the girl about
seven nights per week.
WHEN an American colt wins the
Derby it's about time for England to
discover trichine in American horses.
Philadelphia Chronicle.
PEOPLE often laugh with their eyes.
For instance men get drunk and laugh
with their ryes. They fall down and
get up again, and laugh with their rise.
"WHo would live without children ?"
plaintively asks the New York Herald.
That depends on whether your wife can
make the oldest boy pair of pants out
of your old coat.
JAY GoULD's profits last year weree
sc, 600, 600. How nice it must be to be
able to buy a whole custard pie at oncr
and not feel that you have to suffer TO
the extravaganza.
IT Is said by some one who knows
that it is perfectly natural that physi-
clans should have horror of the sea
because they are more likely than any
other body of men to see sickness.
Two New ENGLAND friends were walk
ing by gallows, when the elder one
asked the other, "Where would you be
if that tree bore its proper fruit?"
Travelling alone, sir, " was the imme-
diate reply.
IT Is generally understood that an
article is "worth what it will fetch"
On this principle a shepherd dog is
worth whole drove of cows, for it will
fetch them every time.-MorGthon In
dependent.
GIVE often heard of the fruits of
marriage, " said Bubbles, when informed
that he was the father of twins, "but l
most solemnly protest against having
those fruits presented tome in the shape
of pairs"
WHAT'S good cure for the gout ?"
asked Nobbs. Buttermilk, answered
Dobbs. Chow simple I'll try it.
How is it to b; taken ?" exclaimed
Nobbs. Give gallons day for ten
years, replied Dobbs.
"SAM, you are not honest. Why do
you put all the good peaches on the top
of the measure and the little ones be-
low ?" Same reason, sab, dat makes
de front of your house marble and de
back gate chiefly slop bar1, sah."
WHEN Boston girl is presented with
bouquet, she says, "Oh, how delic-
iously sweet its fragrance impregnates
the entire atmosphere of the room" A
down-east girl simply says: 1t smells
scrumptious thanks, Reuben"
SHE was decorating her room with
pictures, and she perched his photo up
on the topmost nail then she sat down
to admire her work, and remarked
quietly: "Now, everything is lovely,
and the goose hangs high. Wa and
Wisdom.
THE meanest book agent on record
works in Pennsylvania He has solid
twenty-pound chunk of iron in his
trowsers, and when the indignant citi-
zen kicks at him he hits his foot against
that solid iron, and the way it wakes up
his corns and makes him misapply
Scripture is a caution.
A coLoRED man recently made appli-
cation for divorce from his wife. When
asked on what ground he demanded
divorce, he explained as follows /: de
ground of dis occasion is sufficient
enough. When 1 rented 10 acres and
worked one mule, I married woman
suitable for de occasion. Now rent go
acres of land and work five mules. My
fust wife is mighty good 10.acre wife.
| but she don't suit de occasion oh 60
acres needs woman what can spread
more"