National Republican., 1881-11-04
THE WRONG ASHES.


He was q jolly-looking man, with h
round corporation, a burgundy tinted nose, and
the general exterior of.a oontented mind, and ms
he entered the editorial den he offered us a good
cigar lit another, and said
How about this local cremation scheme2"
"Well, how yourself2"
"The fact is" said the stranger, re1ectively, 81
had pretty tough experience with one of these
cadaver roasting concerns once, and thought
mebbe you might like to make an item Of the facts
80 as to warn the people here In time"
"Fire away"
"well. you see II was in New Orleans. My wife
died there, and as a cremation company was hav-
ing good deal OF boom there just then, she
made me promise to have her spirit sent up
through their nue, as Il were. Said she thought
II would be nice and melancholy for me to carry
her ashes around with me wherever went-in
vase, you understand"
",And you complied7"
"Why, yes. It was her last wish you know, and
besides thought 1t might be useful in kinder pre-
pairing her for the here-but never mind that,
now. sent the remains round to the company's
office In push h-cart, got q receipt, saw Maria
touched of, so to speak, and two days after that
they returned to me a beautiful majolica jar full
Of ashes scented with forget not and the
stopper tied in with pink ribbon"
That was pretty"
"Yes; was very much pleased at first but |
had to keep the bottle out Of sight after awhile
though, because people were all the time opening
the jar, under the impression that II contained
preserved ginger or chow chow, or something"
"That must have been unpleasant"
"Unpleasant-well, should smile-I mean, 1
should ,ceep. Why, actually, one day while was
living in New York, came home and found a new
servant girl polishing knives with the remains
Just think oft"
"Terrible sir, terriblep
But what l was going to say was this. About
year after my wife was kindled-I mean ere
mated-I was In New Orleans again, and hap
pened to meet the superintendent Of the refractory
orc-I should say the corpse burning flrnace-at a
banquet and he got so full that had to see him
home. On the way we stopped in place or two
for steadler-you know how 1t is-and the re-
suit was that he got very communicative about his
company-in fact, gave the whole business away"
"Did, ehY'
"Yes, sir he squarely owned up that they didn't
burn the bodies at ALL lie said they just dropped
'em through a hole in the bottom Of the furnace,
took 'em out the back way at night and sold 'em
TO the medical students"
"Gracious And the ashesl
"Mule ashes sir nothing but mule ashes They
would just cut up some old mule carcass the su-
perintendent said, pitch in enough to make a bad
smell, and then sell the ashes to the grief stricken
relatives at s25 bottle. Terrible cheeky, now
wasn't itY'
"And all this time you had"
Had been carrying that old jar Of mule ashei
oil over the country. Just imagine how mean
| felt"
you threw 1t away then2'
"well, no." said the widower, as he winked a
tear out his left eye; "the more studied owe
the matter the more concluded that mule ashe
weren't so much out Of the way after all. You see
poor Maria was an awful stubborn woman
t.r-e-m. EN- d-o-u-s stubborn-and-yes / kinde
thought mule ashes would do mighty near as well
all things considered"
And heaving the resigned sigh Of one who ha,
succeeded in bracing up under great sorrow, tn
anti-cremationist smiled softly, lit another cigar
| and walked out.-Derrick Dodd.