The Portland daily press., 1881-02-14
Little Johnny's Beasts.
He Tells Numerous Stories About Numer.
Gus Kinds of Animals.
New York World.l

PosSums has tobacco pouches on the stom-
ach, and one time there was a possum which
was a show. A feller come to see the show.
and he had bunch of fire-crackers, cause it
was the Fourth of July. The feller he took
one off and put it in his mouth, and then he
it one of the others and held it out to the pos
sum and said: "Have cigarette?" The pos
sum snatched 'em and crammed 'em in its
pouch and wunk its eyes and said: "Now you
can just whistle for your old cigarettes, for l
am regular savings bank, / am"
But bimeby the crackers they went off wild,
and you never seen sech busted bank like
that possum.
My uncle Ned he had possum which was
pet, and he had a little music box too, but my
sisters young man he can play the fiddle and
Sammy Dolby he can crow like roosters One
day the piano was moved out of the parlor,
and uncle Ned he wound up the music box and
looked the other way, and the possum it
sneaked up and put the music box in the to-
bacco pouch of its belly, playin' the Sweet
By and By real nice. Then uncle Ned he
went into the kitchen and called Mary, that's
the housemaid, and said: "Mary, you go in
the parlor and tell your mistress when she gets
done playin' the piano would like to see
her."
Bimeby Mary she come arunning, white like
sheet and said: ooh, if you please, sir, that
nasty cat of your'n has ct the pianner."
And now I'll tell you little story about
snakes. When Mr.. Pitchell was missionary
ing for to catch long snake. Mister Pitchell
he said: What, do you mean to take that
feller in your hands?" The natiff Niger sal
he did, if his gods was willing that he should
get a tail hold. Mister Pitshell he SKID;
',Aint them kind of snakes pizen?" and the
niger said: "Ive ct ten this morni. (, and 1
feel pretty well. Mebby they would pizen me
if ! was greedy like hogs"
A other time when Mr. Pitchell was there
natiff nigger which was the hing he said to
him: "You come to the palace next Sunday
and preach to us poor unconverted heathens
and will have mighty good dinner ready
for you when you have got DONE" So Mister
Pitchel' he went and preached, and while he
was preachin' he kept smellin' the dinner
which was being bold mighty nice, and every
time he smet it he stopped to get good Whit
of it. Bimeby the king he got mad and he
said: You jest go ON with the preach. 1t
amt nobody but that galoot Sambo Cesar
He was always scotfin' vile he was alive, and
now the garn dasted intdel pushes up the pot
lid for to interrupt our devotions."
If was king would take my sword and
cut all the wicked ibtdel's heads off, yes in
deed, but when you cut hens head off the
preacher he comes next day and eats her.
Hens lay eggs and the rooster fops his wings
and crows when he thinks hisself a better
fighter than other rooster, but the teller on
the new steeple he don't crow, and if he would
lay eggs they would be all busted. Eggs is
incest with ham and sossdge and buckwheat
cakes ana whole apple pie all for your own
self Bldad, that's the new dog, he likes cold
apple dnmplings, but Towser, that's the dog
that died, he had a wart on his nose.
Tie dog is the king of beasts, but snakes is
more like ees. My sisters young man Says
one time i'll Indy there was man had to travel
a long journey on foot, and so he hired a
snake charmer TO protect him, COS the snakes
there is mighty bad lot. So the man and the
charmer they started, and after they had gone
bout mile the charmer he stopt and said:"I
guess it's bout time for me 10 begin a earning
my money" So ne took foot out of his close
and began to play tune, and pretty soon some
snakes crawled out of the grass for to see what
was up. And bimeby some more come and
stood around too, till after vile there was
bout thousand hundred big pizen snakes all
around 'em, and the man was frightened most
to death. Then the charmer put away his
foot, and said, you can't find any fault with
such charmin' as that, guess can you? Now
if you are ready to go ON jest gather a club and
wade in, and if we are SO fortunate as to get
through we shall come pretty soon to a jungle
where you can hire a cousin of mine, which
can charm lions and tigers"