Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-09-08
4 SAN FRANCISCO AUCTIONEER.

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The reporter of the San Francisco Neaus
furnishes that paper with the following re-
port of a speech made by California auc-
toneer:
Ladies and gentlemen, 1 now have the
honor of putting up fine pocket handker-
chief; yard wide, yard long, and almost
a yard thick one half cotton and t'other
half cotton, too; beautifully printed with
stars and stripes on one side and the stripes
and stars on ,'other. 1t will wipe dust from
the eyes so completely as to be death to
demagogues, and make politics as bad busl'
ness as printing papers, Its great length
breadth, and thickness, together with its dark
color, will enable it to hide dirt and not need
washing Going at one dollar?-seventy-hve
cents Fifty cents?-tweEty-6v cents? one
bit? Nobody wants it oh !! thank you sir
"Next, gentlemen-for the ladies won't be
permitted to bid at this ARTICLES real,
simon-pufe tempered, highly polished, keen
edged Sheffield razor, bran spankin new
never opened before to sunlight, moonlight,
star light, day light, electric light or gas light
sharp enough to shave a lawyer or cut
disagreeable acquaintance or poor relation
handle of buck-horn with all the rivets out
the two at the ends of pure gold. Who will
give two dollars? Why, ye long-bearded'
dirty faced reprobates, with not room ON
your phizzes for Chinese woman to kiss
I'm offering you bargain at half dollar
Well, 1 will throw in this strop at half a
dollar razor and strop-a recent patent
two rubs upon it will sharpen the city attor'
ney all for four bits; and piece of soap
sweeter than roses fathers better than
school. master, and strong enough to wash out
all the stains from a California politician
conscience all for four bits! Why, you have
only to put the razor, strop and soap under
your pillow at night to wake up in the morn
ing clean shaved. Won't anybody give two
bits, then, for the lot knew I'd sell 'em
"Next, ladies and gentlemen, offer three
pairs soc ks, hose, stockings, or half:hose, just
as you're mind to call them, knit by ma
chine made on purpose, out of cotton wool
The man that buys these will be enabled to
walk till he gets tired; and, provided his
boots are high enough needn't have any
corns; the legs are as long as bills against
the corporation, and as thick as the heads
of the members of the Legislature. WHO
wants em at one half dollar Thankee, mad
am, the money.
Next, I offer you a pair of boots made
especially for San Francisco, heels long
enough to raise man up to the Headly
grades, and nails to insure against being car
red over by land slide; legs wide enough
to carry two revolvers and bowie knife, anc
the uppers of the very best horse leather. A
man in these boots can move about as easy
as the State Capitol Who says twenty
dollars? All the taxpayers ought to buy s
pair to kick the Legislature with; and they
will be found of assistance in kicking tue
bucket, especially if somebody should kick a
being kicked. Ten dollars for legs, upper:
and soles! while souls, and miserable soul:
at that, are bringing twenty thousand doi
lars in Sacramento Ten dollars ten dol
lars Gone at ten dollars.
Next is something that you ought te
have, gentlemen, lot of good gallowses-
sometimes called suspenders. | know thai
some of you will after awhile be furnished
at the States expense, but you can't tell
which one, so buy when they're cheap. All
that deserves hanging are not supplied with
galows if so, there would be nobody to
make laws, condemn criminals or hang cul
prits until new election. Made of pure
gum. .elastic-stretch like judges conscience
and last as long as California office holder
will steal; buckles of pure iron, and war
ranted to hold so tight that no mans wife
can rob him of the breeches are, in short
as strong, as good, as perfect, as efectual
and as bona fde, as the ordinance against
Chinese shops on Dupont street ; gone, al
twenty-five cents"