The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-09-15
Wit and HumOr.

time.
In California death loves mining
shark.
"Happy to meat you," said a polite
butcher.
A circulating medium an itinerant
clairvoyant.
Now build a small CRATE fre.-Ne,o
York Express.
Going the rounds of the press-the
girl who waltzes.
Late music--over due notes.-Keo-
kuk Constitution.
Suitable apartments for a castle in
the air-a brown study.
Best thing to do when you go shop
ping with ladies-take notes.
"None knew him but to love him
TIE paymaster of a brigade.
A press gang-young ladies after
ferns.-NeU Haren Republican.
Tramps have not refused to take
trade dOllars.-Norristoun Herald.
The Indian summer is welcome as
the "only good thing the Indians ever
invented"
Feathers are used this year to trim
everything except hotel pillows.-Keo-
kuk ConStitut on.
The flight of time is slow compared
with that of the defaulting bank cash
Ter. -Yonksrs Gazette.
A shrewd man never blows his own
horn when he can borrow his neigh
boris bellows.-N. Y. Sun.
When a halter fits a cap to your
he ?-GowaSla Enterprise.
When the Sultan loses his temper
the ladies of the household speak of
him as harem scar'em fellow.
1t was darkey who exclaimed as he
rose from his knees at camp meeting,
Here raise my ebon- knees.sir!'
A truly great man. "Don't talk to
me OF Shakespeare, Milton, Bacon, and
them fellers. Why, l could have
bought up the lot Of 'em.-Melbomme
Punch.
1t is useless for physicians to argue
against short sleeved dresses. The
Constitution of the United States says
"the right to bear arms shall not be
interfered with"
1.-THE worst dose of 'hop-bitters' I
ever had," said a young man, twas
the other night when took girl to
hop, and some other fellow danced
with her every set"
"The good is oft inferred with
their bones. '-Shahsspeare. Yes, gen.
orally, unless the doctors get hold of
the corpse, and then they utilize the os-
seous substance in the cause of science.
According to the fashion editor OF
the KeOkuk Constitution, "the first
thing some women will do when they
get to heaven will be to look and see If
their wings are cut bias, while the wings
Of other angles are gored."
When the woman sends homo your
washing, your shirt bosom and cuffs
may be as timber as an old han dker-
chief, but when you come to raw
edged collar you will find it starched
stiff enough to saw your head off if it
don't lose hold of the button.-Fnlton
Times.
Apropos Of military titles, a cores
pondent of the st. Louis Globe Demo
c,at Ills this story IAN Irishman,
upon his arrival in the United States,
noting the great number of military
titles, exclaimed, What divil Of
battle was fought near here where all
the privates were kilt"
Mr.. Moore was comforted on the re-
ceipt. from his lady-love, Of the follow
ing verse:
Take courage, man, don't droop and
sigh!
And yonr lone star deplore;
IT'S true have dozen beaux,
Yet have room fore Moore.
II is awful notwithstanding to the 70.
mantle tourist among the mountains to
get up very early some morning and
discover the "hermit OF the grOtto,"
one of the principle attractions of the
locality, slipping into the bar-room
without his venerable flowing beard to
get his whiskey bottle replenished.
A little fellow, at whose home hens
has been kept but few weeks, visited
a neighbours to find o playmate, when
he was informed that his young friend
was suffering from the chicken.pox.
The lady of the house, in tones of Gu
riosity and solicitude, asked the little
fellow il they had the chicken-pox over
at his house. "No," replied the young.
ster, gravely, 1--WE haven't had our hens
long enough yet"
n