The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1881-09-09
VOL. XXV----NO. 36.
VARIETIES.

-Vennor is only Al, yet he pretends to
know more about the weather than old far
mers whe have been studying goose bones for
80 years.
"A prominent lumberman in Burlington
has had his coat-0farms printed on the
panels of his carriage with the Latin motto
"Vidi," which by Interpretation is 81 saw"
-Lady-"They tell me your COW never
gives any milk, Betty" Old Betty mo,
mum, she don't give hardly any. But bless
'er cart, she'll eat as much as two o them
good milkers"
Amateur artist, painting bunch of ap-
pie blossoms, to small boy looking on:-
well, Tommy, do you know what they areg"
Small boy, with absolute certainty in his
tone; "Yes, marin, hens"
An old man who had been badly hurt in
a railroad collision being advised to sue the
company for damages, said: "Wel, no, not
for damages-Pve had enough of them but
I'll just sue 'em for repairs"
-"The skoers tel Me you spell tissick with
phi. Sich teachin' AS this don't Goe and
mus be immejutly stopped" wrote an Arkan-
sas school director to one of the teachers in
his district.-Detr0a Free Press
Some one wrote to Horace Greeley in
quiring if guano was good to put on potatoes.
He said 1t might do for those whose tastes
had becomes vitiated with tobacco and rum
but he preferred gravy and butter,
"A young fellow, who had been in Paris
for year studying medicine, was visited by
his father. Like dutiful son he paraded his
paternal conscientiously through the city,
and points out its architectural lions. Finally
they halt before a many pillared building
"What is that lordly ple?" asks the old man.
81 don't know" replies the youth; "but
there is a sergeant de vile. "-They cross over,
and put the queston.-"That, gentlemen"
says the official, "is the Medical School"
doctor, what can do to get rid ofmy
biliousness" asked an inebriate of a plain
spoken doctor.
"Quit drinking beer and whisky"
"But if quit I'll collapse right off, won't
"Certainly."
at don't seem to me that it makes much
as long as / live, and if quit I'll be bilious
until die. Ii that isn't bilious outlook,
I'll give it up"
-Apoor appetite A rather ecdy-looking
customer came into q restaurant on Austin
avenue and said to the proprietor "What do
you ask for nicely cooked beefstake, well
done, with onions?" Twenty. i've cents"
"And the gravyg" ooh, we don't charge
anything for the gravy" you don't That's
liberal. How much do you charge for the
bread?' 1--WE throw in the bread" as it
good bread ?" at is" $50 you throw in the
bread and gravy ?" "Certainly" "Then bring
me some bread and gravy. It's not healthy
to eat meat in summer."-7sas SJhngs
Reasonable: Ledger at Long Branch
hotel upon being presented with his bill
Fifteen dollars for two days =" Polite Clerk
Correct, sir; you read figures like a bank
ers clerk" Lodger-"Do you take me for
Il bonanza mine on its travels ?" Polite Clerk
-"Far from it but you had one of the best
rooms in the house" Lodger-"One of the
best rooms in the house! Why, it wasn't big
germ coal bin, and had to sleep with my
legs out of the window" Polite Clerk
That's just it, you see When guest sleeps
with his legs out of the window we always
charge him $3.50 day eXtra."-Broohlyn
EuuLp