Connecticut western news., 1881-10-19
WIT AND WISDOM


 AM1ssoUR1 conductors warming! Look out for the train robbers when the bell rings. ,'s .~ h.t. .,H II. k sst -s9s s...
 HAY-FEvER would not be fashionable if it didn't afford its victims an oppor- tunitya to fly to the ills they know of.
 GonD cannot always heal the wounded heart, but heavy damages do help one eito9 :, bear 6 breach of promise with something like resignation. 70 s'.l.-s.. aI at'.a
 MANY man thinks it is principle that keeps him from turning rascal, when it is only full stomach. Be grateful, and don't mistake potatoes for principle.
 THERE is no authentic case on record of Niagara haokman having gone over the falls. In fact the falls are abso- lutely good for nothing but to look at. -Bostosa Post. --.4sl -s;liyy qErit a'P s'So sHE refused you, did she?"- asked Pingry; "why didn't you press her, myt boy ?" ''Press her l" exclaimed Brown, ''she wouldn't let me get near enough for that. "-t j aria o1 yiiuufeou
 PHYSICIANS say that it is not healthyr to sleep in the daytime, This opinion is backed up by all the flies in the eom-o munity, and they put "a stop to the day sleeping when they can. AN exchange speaks of a new fashion in gait for girls, but stroll along some of our streets in the soft summer twi- light will convince any one that the old gate has tenacious grip on public favor. A FAsH1oNAB1E young lady accident ally dropped one of her false eyebrows, in her opera. box, and greatly frightened her beau, who, on seeing it. thought it was his mustache. '''.' ' s'@. g
 JoYs of the seaside. Brown" What beastly weatherl And the glass is going steadily downi" Local tradesman:o "Oh, that's nothing, sir. The glass has no effect whatever on our part of the coast"
 A wAToHMAKER has been found in Bos- ton who has on two several occasions deliberately affirmed that the watch sub- mitted to his examination did not require cleaning. Truly truth is stranger than fiction. .-.. ,r-. IL. ..-...r-r -r.,ss ~...
 PITY that the voyage of Professor King didn't demonstrate the safety, and utility of the balloon. We must have some way of getting across the State of Missouri without being robbed and mur- dered. f-n | ApvKRT1sEMENTs are not always liter | ary productions. A gentleman, probably not to the manner born, announced that he had three upper rooms in his house
 to let-viz., cellar, kitchen and back yard. -',.'..'.-..' .--...
 A DREAMY writer says it would be curious to follow pound of silk from it's spinning until it becomes lady's dress No doubt; but most men would prefer to follow it after 1t becomes dress, and while the lady was in 1t.
 SOME wag remarks truly when he says that "popularity in politics is to see your name in large type posted to fence. Somebody will inquire as to who you are, and when the first rain comes you will disappear.
 A SooToH clergyman, while discours- ing on the petition of Dives that Lazarus
 would dip his finger in water and cool his tongue, spoke of it as ''this appar- ently reasonable, but, under the cir cumstancs, totally inadmissible, re. quest" ia 't i.J..i,
 "WHY are you late ?" asked an Austin
 school teacher of @ little girl, who hung
 her head and said: eve have gotta
 little baby at our house." ''Dont let it happen again." said the teacher.
 fercely, and the little girl said she
 wouldn't, and took her seat. .--......-
 A BISHOPS wife was telling the story, of Jonah to her child the other day.
 '5uch a big fish swallowed him, my
 a -.ar; such big fsh-it might even
 have swallowed your dear papa. The
 child was eating grapes, and was of an
 inductive mind-"And would he spit
 out the skin, mammal" ....... ......
 A YOUNG Frenchman. who had sown a
 heavy crop of wild oats, determined to
 get married and settle down. On the
 wedding day his mother-in law said to
 him: "I hope, my dear. son-in-law,
 that you will be guilty of no more fol-
 lies in future." ''My dear madam" he
 replied, 'I promise you that this shall
 be the last 1" 1#a .e 7rnw Mss SMITH had been whispering, and was called up for punishment. "Giye me your hand I" said Master Jones. "Alas sir," sighed Miss Smith, ''I can
 not do it; it is not mine to give. have
 already given it to another." "Wel,
 then," said the schoolmaster, 'Ill take ) the left hand" And he did, and left the impress of his ferule thereupon.
 . WHEN your friend is to have tooth extracted, it is the proper thing to nerve } him up to the dread ordeal by relating the terrible tooth-drawing experiences you may have had or heard of. Noth- r ing so helps his courage as to be told of } mouth laceratings and iaw-breakings. If you tell these little things with suffi- cient horror of detail, he may be nerved up to such an extent as to knock you down in your tracks.
 HE CAME home late the other night, and his wife woke up and found him with a burning match trying to light the faucet over the marble basin in his : dressing room. sJames," she said, 7 s'that is not the gas burner" "I know it, my love-" he replied, unsteadily; '.fact is, I've been overworked, and } thas reason made mistake" "Yes, you } look as if you had been lifting good