River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-08-18
IN A NUT SHELL.

why Is history IKE mountain ecDO
because it repeats itself.
The bankrupt debtors chances large.
/ ly depend on his lie abilities.
| You may give the cold shoulder to
the poor, but let it be of mutton.
''Mark my words l'' said the school
master as he dictated to the boy at the
blackboard.
The man who spends his time and
money drinking is always getting into
tight places.
That's bark ashore, " cried the pilot,
as he caught the sound of dogs yelp
from the beach.
Many man who think himself a
great gun is nothing more than big
bore.
No man wants straw spelled back
ward ON the end of his nose Waterloo
| Observer.
A drum is quite an instrument for
producing noise, but drummer can
beat it all hollow
Scent and aroma are terms of similar
meaning, and yet roamer is frequent
ly without cent.
The proverb says: mark the perfect
man." Proverb be blowedl Anybody
vino rises to mark us will get bruised.
A Brooklyn maiden wants to know
how to avoid having mustache come
OH her upper lip. Eat onions, sis.
Now doth the busy bumble-bee
Improve each shining hour
By driving his small sting with glee
In boys with all his power.
A new definition: A jury is body
of men organized to find out which side
has the smartest lawyer-McGregor
NeiUs.
There is wonderful power in ina
glnatlon, but it gets weak in the knees
when it undertakes to shoulder picnic
lemonade.
hobbs says Filkins wouldn't tell lie
under any consideration, but he has
known him to egregionsly equivocate
under skin full of schnapps.
A man advertises for a competent
person to undertake the sale of a new
medicine, and adds that sit will be
highly lucrative to the undertaken"
A girl opened a barber shop at Ho-
mer, ILL.,, and closed it in a month,
having already married one of the men
whom she shaved.
Young ladies and elephants attain
their growth at eighteen; but whereas
eighteen trunks scarcely suffice fort
young lady, the elephant has to get
along with one.
She didn't sing in accents glad
She almost spoiled the chorous
And this was all because she had
Upon her back porous.
"a new puzzle is to find the letter
M on the legal-tender silver dollar"
To great many persons it will prove
a great deal harder puzzle to find the
dollar itself.-NorYistow Herald
William r. Dickerson, one of the
Oldest lawyers in Philadelphia, was re-
spected and fairly successful before he
went into the great Whitaker will for
gerry. Now he is broken down, penni-
less, and a convict.
Nevada, Vermont and Maine pay less
internal revenue tax than any other
three states, and Illinois, Kentucky and
New York are the three that pay the
most. The yield is chiefly from whis-
key and tobacco.
Reports from Kansas cities agree
that the prohibitory liquor law past last
winter is already disregarded. All the
saloons were closed awhile, but they
are now open, and the traffic suffers no
interference.
Too much work and too little food
have thrown a Baltimore girl into a
strange condition of hysteria and cpl
lepsy. During several weeks she has
lain unconscious of her surroundings,
but fancving that she sees her dead
parents, to whom she talks raptur-
ously.
"Mamma," said tive-year old, the
other day, 81 wish you wouldn't leave
me to take care of baby again. He was
so bad had to eat all the sponge cake
and two jars of raspberry jam to amuse
him.
A witness was on the stand in an ille-
gal liquor sale case. The counsel was
trying to find out in what kind of q
glass the liquor was handed to the wit
ness, and at last exclaimed: "What
kind of looking glass was it?' "Be'
CORA, sor, it was not looking glass at
all, it was u tumbler."
Brownson: Well, / always make it a
rule to tell my wife everything that
happens. Smithkins: Oh, my dear
fellow. that's nothing. tell my wife
lots of things that never happened al
all.
About 5000 pounds of roses are re-
quired TO produce one pound OF the
altar of roses. This delightful perfume
is chiefly produced in Bulgaria, where
the value of the yield in 1880 was esti
mated at 100000.
A couple eloped at Falling Springs
w. Va, and were hotly pursued by the
girls father. His horse threw him
breaking his leg, and the sutton consid
erately bore him back home. This
caused diversion, giving the young
man time to prove that he was not {
gambler, as his skill at cards had lee
the father to believe, but belonged to {
wealthy and respectable Boston family
A peaceful wedding ensued.
Henry Den Thompson, the "Uncl'
JOSH of theatrical fame, and wifi
are enjoying the summer at their hom'
in Mr.. Thompson's native village, Yves
Swanzey, n. III. "Uncle JOSH has :
fine two-story-and-a-half house, hand
somely furnished, large and commo
dious barn, and nine acre plat o
ground. His parents, Capt. and Mrs
Rufus Thompson live near by. Tn,
latter will celebrate their golden wed
ding on the 18th of this month.
One of Cincinnati Judges reason
for refusing to grant divorce to maj
was that he had taken his wife ''fron
the domestic circle and launched he
into the midst of iniquities which sur
round the path Of comely and youth
full female in a business life requilini
travel and frequent contact with world.
people," In other words he had sen
her out as book agent.
The Bridegroom in the Most Recent Ro
mantle Marriage.
RICHMOND, Va, Aug. 10.-The crue
betrayal of an estimable and highl
connected young lady of this city by
man who married her solely as cloal
for the preparation of the crime c