The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1881-04-28

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| of Who's this second name here
| Who's Mrs. Shklymbretoy Z"
"That's Mrs. WOlvertOn. L promised
her you would call. Never mind Mrs
Lamb, but you ought to caH on Mrs
| WolYertOn."
"What for? What has she got il
! common with me, except that her bone:
are hollow? She don't know the differ
ence between a Guinea pig and the
burning of Jerusalem? Always wants
to know if [ don't think that SodOu
and Gomorrah were parallels. Is thai
the kind of list you've made out? Want
me to run round among the old monu-
ments? Who's Miss Swash ?"
"That's Mrs. Smith, the little widow.
Y ou know she is interested in sending
women out west to get husbands. Shell
amuse YOU"
"She will if she sees me. She'll laugh
like hyena if she gets one eye on me
Who's that yellOw-headed girl that sits
two pews in front of us? I'd call on
her now"
"She's a little chit of a thing. You
don't want to run after those young
peOple-a man of your age!"
whats the reason l dOn's?" howled
Mr.. SpoOpendyke. SCOT an idea that
1 only care for the tough old people,
haven't you? Think Pm a sort of Ply
mouth rock, don't you? Got any more
old land marks that need inspection ?''
'I don't carel'' demonstrated Mrs.
SpOopendyke, Indignantly; "they're
nice people, and like to cultivate them.
They may be along in life, but they
can't help it,"
"Cultivate 'em if you want to-
growled Mr.. Spoopendyke; "but if you
think I'm going hOeing around among
'em on the first of January, you're left.
What dye want to cultivate EN- for
With your friends and ideas you
only need weekly prayers and an alarm
of fire to be an old wOman's home
Who else have you got here? Mrs.
Stiggonspratt, Mrs. Woptenslough, Miss
Mimpzf-"
"You don't read them right at all, -
complained Mrs. Spoopendyke "That
is Mrs. SilverspoOn, and Mrs. Worthing-
ton, and Miss Hemingway. They're
just as nice as they can be-"
care they the three worthless who
howl in the choir ?' asked Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, sternly. "They've got a grand
son old enough to be my father"
"They haven't" sobbed Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, "You know better"
"Well, most of 'em have. What dye
want me to call on 'em for? Got any
mere cid almanacs expecting me
Where's the SphynX? You haven't
got the SphynX down here, nor the
Tower of Babel. Who're these other
pyramids? Who's Mrs. Upsidedown ?''
"Thats Mrs. Edgerton. She sent
you the jelly when you were sick, and
you said she was the best woman in
Brooklyn. You'll have to call on her
tor pOliteness," said Mrs. SpOopendyke,
severely.
81 won't eitherr' shouted Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. "The jelly was sour and she
made me pay dollar toward a plaster
of-pariS angel for starving family out
in Flatbush. Who's that other nurse
of George WashingtOn's? Here, this
is mistake; L went to old Miss Schum-
slock's funeral thirty years ago.
"HOu didn't! You never didm pro-
claimed Mrs. Spoopendyke, thoroughly
aroused. "That isn't her name either.
It's Schefield, and she is the best friend
I've got. | only want -"
81 know what you want;" Missed Mr..
SpOopendyke. Ou want few more
acquaintances, and map, to be guide
book to ancient Troy. Think Pm 60
ing to call on that old monolith? Got
anything here that belongs to modern
times? Know anybody who has been
dug up within six or eight centuries q?
Who's that black-eyed girl in the Bible
class? Don't she hang out a flag to-
day ~
81 wouldn't look at her." shifted Mrs.
Spoopendyke, 81 wouldn't have you
go there for worlds. Besides, she
don't receive"
whats this p amanded Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. "Wlat's Mrs. tWimpqstyX
got to do with ,rY What cemetery will
| find her in ~
"That's Mrs. Winoughby," explained
Mrs. Spoopendyke complaccntly. "She
is the young widow who recently join
ed the church.
Don't mind calling on her." said Mr..
Spopendyke. -"She wasn't born NOR n
1000 years before the Christian era.
Got any more like her Does this
measly list contain anybody else who
wasn't the mother of the Chinese en-
pire? Think OF any more grave-stones
that haven't had the epiraphs worn
off?"
"No," replied Mrs. Spoopendyke,
coldly, "and | now remember, Mrs.
Willoughby receives calls with friends
in Buffalo,"
lou SaSC your GOu gaStcu list,
howled Mr.. Spoopendyke, dancing on
the unhappy document. "What dye
think l am? a ghoul? S'pOse I'm
going to prance around among the
measly old ghosts in Brooklyn? S'pose
Pm going To swash around and eat cake
and drink lemonade with a lot of illus
trious of the Silurian pcriodg Think I'm
going to spend the day with a lot of ar
ticulated Skeletons just because they
belong TO the same church that l do ~
And Mr.. SpOopendyke popped out of
the house like bung, and went next
door TO see il his friend Tortorhumb
knew any mummieS oil whose history
there was some tradition.
81 don't care, said Mrs. Spoopcndyke,
as she whirled around two or three
times TO practice kicking her train; "if
he don't call on the church people, they
will be hopping mad and if he does he
won't have much OF a time; so he'll
wish he was dead either way" and Mrs.
SpoOpendyke hustled into the parlor to
assure a sandy-haired young man with a
stifl neck that it was awful good of him
to come, and TO learn that he hadn't
come OF his own volition, but had slid
Of 4 h.a