Middletown transcript., 1881-05-20

You can always tell duck" Of a
bonnet by the way it ''sets. = HonkerS
Statesman.
This is what like. said the tramp,
'sgood country board. : as lie laid him
self down on the floor of the barn.
Puck.
1t Is easy for the poor man to tell
how every dollar Of the rich mans
money should be expended.-Stdl'cate
LaHlbeT4nan
A Young man in Laramie has such
an exalted opinion of himself that ne
has to sit up on a step ladder to pare
his com.-BM Nye.
Now doth the city boy look forward
to drifting lazily among the lilies in a
fat-bottomed boat with a girl in Dig
hat and freckles.
speech is silver and silence is gol-
den''-which accounts for the fact that
there is so much more silver in circu-
lation than gold. .-Salem Sunbeam.
Young ladies and elephants attain
their growth at eighteen. But here
analogy ceases. One trunk is enough
for an elephant. .-Rockldnd Courier.
There is no ''home'' and no "hash''
in the French language. 1t is not to
be wondered at that so many French
men commit suicide.-NelC Orleans
Picdpene.
'tWe appear to have a press OF solid
matter this evening"" remarked the
editor, as he Rugged his fat sweetheart
in the cleaning Of an argand burner
Ne,0 York NeacS.
The resignation Of Fred. Grant from
the army leaves this country in de-
plorable state of danger. If nobody
can pray, will somebody pass the hat
-EImird Free Press.
Wicked Wilkins asserts that 'nine-
tenths of the religion of the present day
is nothing but holyomargarine. I" Well,
perhaps that is butter than none.-
Quincy Modern Argo.
The striking bakers of New York
have returned to work. They have
discovered that they have all the loaf
ing they desire in their legitimate
business. .- Y0nkerS Statesman.
Honesty is the best Of policy but
when your wife asks you how that long
silken hair became attached to yOuI
coat collar it may be well to forget the
old maxim for the mOment.-hit
Adams.
Eden was a perpetual strawberry gar
den. Satan very small potatoes, the
apple crop wOrmy, Adam and Eve a
falling pear and sin and sorrow the
bitterest kind Of fruit for future gene
ratiOns to bite on.- Whitehall Times.
A minister breaches on the question
.sWhat is the Sabbath ?'' Around here
the Sabbath is the day when you lie in
bed longer in the morning, and wrestle
with your collar-button until it is too
late too 90 to church. Lo,CeU Citizen.
When a despondent Philadelphia
wife attempted to escape the troubles
of this world by drinking quart OF
coal oil. her unfeeling husband forced
her to swallow a yard of lampwick, and
now uses her of nights to read BY
Pbild. Sun.
A writer in scientific journal COM
bats the popular notion that night ar
is injurious to health. We never sup
posed it was. unless the dog were to
break loose while the young man was
lounging at the front gate.-Norris-
torn Herald.
A New York 100 cent store'' was
robbed few nights ago of eleven gold
bracelets, six watches, three diamond
pins, fourteen gold brooches and fifty
four finger rings. The loss is estimated
at two dollars and twenty cents.-Nor-
1istOlcn Herald.
Some men claim that women lack
skill in everything. Let one OF these
croakers put a dozen spring clothespins
in his mouth and endeavOr to tell a
neighbor across the fence what a ter
rible time he had getting rid of bed
bugs this spring. Modern Argo.
A sympathetic small boy Papa
"That picture shows the story of Pro
metheus and the vulture that fed on
his liver. Every day the yulture de-
Youred it, and every night it grew for
him to eat it again. Sympathetic
child: Poor, dear old vulture How
sick he must have been of liver every
day !''-Rome Sentinel.
Dispute settled; Alta social gathering
the other day, on the side walk Of Gal
weston avenue, the respective merits OF
Peter Freer and Bill Hoefing as con-
versationaIists were discussed. Ed.
Braden, who was present, contended
that while Bill Hoefling had the most
beautiful flow of language Pete Freel
used the best grammar and more of it.
and was the best looking man of the
two. ''That may be- responded Gil.
hooly, who was present, ''but | had
rather listen to Bill Hoefing keep his
mouth shut for half an hour than t.
hear Pete Freer talk all day." TheT
the caucus went into executive session
over in George Horner's Saloon.-Got
reStOn NelrS.