davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-09-16
Fresh ATvirul of
Ra&HEinseH'y
AND Straw GOODS.

VIE undersigned has recently returned from
J. the Enst and has opened ri the new buildap
oppcsit The Court house, splendid selection Of
Millinery Goods.
HATS. Trimmed and Hntrimmed;
All kinds Of TrimYFng for Hats;
All E|s Goods
such ns Wash Nets. Illusions &c. Also, a gen
era' variety Of Artificial Flowers &c.
In ndii'inn, ! have received II nice lot of
'andirs, NUS. Tors, and various NJ ,icles both
useful ard ornameutnl
II ioa want bargains, call early at The New
frame Building opposite the ourt-h"use.
LOUISA IlEUSER.
Romnev, June II, 1850
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-09-16
West Va. University.

n1tNR departments Of st, dy-teStbooks tur.
~ pished at Cost calendar srtaneg6 10 sun
ie.chcrs-expeoses for oue year from SUE 70
s1no non .scc,srisp, libeta', thorough. Fall
Term begins .er,emIer 7Ih, 1881. Auendauce
las, year from 2s couutH Of West Virginia and
from States and 1sfritories- Number OF stu
deuts isrger than for/teu years previous
,sfot cat-'oguts and other io'otm.,,on, "S-
rly TO the Acuog President, D. d. fVN!N ioH'
Uorgautowu, West Va.
lnuc - 1881. I'm
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-09-16

A newspaper agent, bcing toll by on
old lady that it was no use to subscribe
for the papers, es Mother Ship,on said
Tue world was coming to an end this
wear, said: But won't you want TO read
nm account of the whole aff,ir as soon
as il is over" That will answered
the old lady: nud she subscribed.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-09-16
WASHINGTON and
LEE UNIVERSITY,

Ecx, G.. ~. G. LEE, President
Thorough instruction in Languages, Literature
aud Scieuce aud IN the Professional Schools
Of Law aud Engineering Iieei'hful location III
the vailey Of Virginia. Expenses for nine
months need no, exceed S225. Session opens
Scpt. LIB, 1885, For Cathog1e address
J. l.. MpBELL, JR., Clerk,
July %, 13S1.-1m. Lexington. w.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-09-16
BARBER SHOP

rsrtjE subscriber desires 10 irf,ru, hi cus;c.
mers md Others init hs bts itrr"scd lis
rnrbrt shop TO the brick bnus- G',' door "hort
hp store house OF Mr.. ~. e.. Tn.cnH" .nI
nestly opposite IT'D Ccsri. hru,s. ~h,;e va enr
ge, Your iisir Cut>rud Sb"mrocnsd il style
nnd ,our i'c,td .epi s'i",,'iG. at. ,nli aud
So" rr ~ rUt ncw u.'";'r'*
GEO. A. JOH NSUN.
Rompcy. AriA /. 1881.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-09-16
w I It A N ID HUM OR

Losers Of Money Pardon me for
troubling y,u, sir, but did YOU drop 4
s2o gold piece? asked Il man with an
earnest look on his face and a mcm-
ortnd'lm book III his hand. oI' i well
dressed individual on the corner OF
Jefferson and Woodward avenues.
The man addressed ran his hand
ncrvouslv into his various pockets and
replied:
well, now, [ dccla. Can it be
possible that l am SO careless rs to
drop that coin? Yes, it's gone. |
mast have lost it right here, where We
stand
The man opened his memorandum
book, took from his vest pocket this
stub OF n lead pencil and said:
will you favor ME with your name
and adthss?'
They were given and the question:
CT started on, wien the wcll.drcsscd
man cried:
Iii, there! Where's the money?
Give me my gold piece
oh, l didn't find any money. |
took i notion this morning that in Il
city like tbs, where thousands and
thousands OF dollars nrc handled. eve
~ hour, there must be great losses. and
started out to investigate the matter.
between here and the river found
men that lost $50 dollar gold pieces.
and expect to run the list up to 200
before | reach the city Hall. Good
day, SIR
a newsboy rushed into retail shirt
store IN Chatham street, the other
day, and thus accosted the proprietor:
hcre2'
Yes, my son; we have them to fit
you at five shilings apiecc-very nice
Ones
ooh blazcs, I don't want a whole
one. But I seed on your sign, shirts
retail and wholesale, and [ thought
you might retail mine for it wants it
bad a dog got hold NV it, and
wouldn't let so if I'd killed him.
why don't your mother mend your
clothes boy?'
We'll, thar! do you think I've IL
mother? l amt got a mother, nor ever
lad that-as 1 knows on
you had best go to that man over
the way. We can't retail your old
one for you
A jackson County (Ky.) man OBJ
tanned a position rs school teacher by
promising in writing not to marry or
drink while the school term lasted.
A little boy two years old, sitting
at the tea-tablc, gazing intently at the
heecy clouds, exclaimed Is 'cm
Dod's aprons? Oh, I know They
Dod's table-clofs. lie hung 'cm up
to dty.' -
-t J.. q clrDcnfor wants to cove /,
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-09-16
A Hymn 600 years Old.

Guard. my c"i!d. thy tongue.
Thu, l, -p''S 80 wrong.
Let no eva wn;.; '..s, &c. il;
Set the w,tcn uf tIu,h De;urv Il,
Th'i Il speak II, WIN:
Guard, INV chill i. tax 'a;..,,.
Guard, MY chill. thin. eyes;
Frying Is no. wise;
Let them took on "h", Is rug,
From ail evil turn Their sigr;;
Frying is not wise;
Guard, my child, tHinc eyes
Guard. nv child, thine car!
Wicked words viii scar;
Let m evil words come in,
That may cause the sou! to Sill
Wicked wor'is will sc,r.
Guar,l, NY child, thine ear.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-09-16
I. ass ssiss4 now W g Is to !.lces Gov
slItis ,LlssaRB.Rc u

roof fifteen fcct'wile,t r-1nirty ie'oai,
by twelve long, how many shingles
will he necd2 The boy took up his
hat and slid for the door. 'Whcre
are you going?' asked the teacher.-l
TO find a carpenter. lie ought TO
know better than any Of we fellows
A Philadelphia man has perfected
an invention whereby sauer-kraut can
be boiled in the house without any OF
the inmates smelling it. The invcn'
ton consists of a small llvcrpad OF
Limburgcr cheese worn under the
nose.
Il think the goose has tue advan'
taoc Of YOU said landlady to All en-
pert boarder, who was carving. Guess
it has, mum, i'll age was the wlthcr-
ing retort.
The man who was miXcd.-'Really,
but hope YOU will excuse the intro
duction,' said the shabby looking man
ms the insurance agent looked up.
You are cxcusable, sir. What did
you wish?' :,
sWcll-you sec-I'm bit mixed.
Was it Napoleon or Bonaparte who
crossed the Alps"
Napoleon, of course
Just so-thanks. I was inclined
that way myself but yet / knew thai
General Washington was always scoot
ing around, and he might have takc'
it into his head to cross the Alps
Good day, sir
He passed down the hall thirty feet
and then returned and protested:
Say, don't think i'll Of me but
am still mixed up-dreadfully naked
will you answer me one more qucs
ton
Yes
WAS it Nero who commanded til
sun to stand still1'
No, it was Joshua.
Il had an idea that it WAS Joshu;
but | didn't dare put my money on !
Nero was always tiddling around, 20
know. and l had dim idea that !
might have taken whacli at the SUI
Very much obliged TO you; SIR
This time he went half way dow
stairs and returned on tip-toe. The
gent looked up aud saw him Ill II
door, and sharply qucrlcd:
|Wcll2'
'Mixcd up again! pleaded the stra
ger. Say, | want to ask you o
more question:
Yes
Did YOU ever lend a man a dol
to help him on his way to Colunt
to sec his dying wife"
Never You are thinking Of {
Diogcncs. lie used to shell out to
cry dead beat who came along
Mixed again, by thunder' mute
the mau, and as he passed do
stairs he took great pains to set
feet down OH each step like II
who had bet on three of kind
found flush taking lis money.
A boy of four asked his cousin
what church she belonged. Her
..ucer was: i ain methodist; 40
-AaLe onc?' ooh no, |
NAivi
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-04-01

One of Secretary KirkwOod's first ex-
periences in his new post is an attempt
on the part of the innocent Utes to out
wit the government. The secretary
says "the shoe is now on the other foot ("
The Utes did not claim that they IN
derstOod that the valleys of their
reservation were to be left TO them
under the treaty until they had secur-
ed a considerable part Of the mon
ey due them. There scenes TO be no
doubt that the provisions of the treaty
were we'll understood by the tribe. At
all events, they were carefully explained,
and re-explained, and the Indian mind
has never been regarded as slow of CON-
prehension. Secretary Kirkwood justly
says that in all cases where there is q
doubt, or freedom of construction. he
will give the weaker party the benefit Of
it; but where there is no latitude the
treaties and laws must be strictly en-
forced.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-04-01

New York Tribune: Kansas papers
take most enthusiastic view of the
prospective harvest of 1881. The acre
age of grain sown last fall was consider
ably in excess of that of any previous
year, and the weather throughout the
winter has been such as to favor rapid
growth and abundant yield. The sheep
interest, too, which is an important one
is in prosperous condition. Kansas
claims to have more sheep, in proper
ton to her population, than any state in
the Union, or any country in the world
The cattle interest is also advancing at q
rapid rate, and assuming proportions
that are hardly short of the marvellous
Southern and south western Kansas have
the major share of this industry, though
large herds can now be found in every
nnunfv
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-04-01

A new president having been inaugu-
rated the signs begin to multiply that the
usual four years canvass for his success
sor will soon be under way. The coun.
try is weary of this continual turmoil.
and would gladly welcome the relief q
longer term would bring. The Philadel-
phie Inquirer treats the subject in the
following sensible way: THE worst par,
Of the president-making business is that
it is carried on in congress to the great
detriment Of the general and more i'm
portans business Of the people. There
fore, il becomes more desirable that il
should be got lid Of for = season a
least. The only way to do this il, ap
parently, TO extend the term Of the pFesi
dent, and to make any Incumbent Of the
chief magistracy Ineligible for re-elec
tion- A single Term Of eight OF si1
years would relieve the country Of thu
president-making business for three o.
four Years succeeding each election, anG
not impose 1t e. 3 neyeF-ceasing dis
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-04-01
OVER THE STATE,


Elk county is luxuriating in prairie
fires.
Atchison is yearning for acarrier mail
service.
Kansas farmers are reminded that
there is a growing market in Colorado
for all kinds of vegetables.
A reporter of spicy Kansas paper
reports dime concert by a church
choir, as "swell affair with ten cent
ante"
The ladies of Newton are urged by
the Kansan TO register so as to be able
| to vote at the next school election. AS
they have TO be twentY-One. none but
married ladies have ventured to face the
registrar and state their ages.
Parsons is agitating the scheme of q
coffee house on the temperance plan TO
the infinite disgust of her cOpper-lined
tipplers.
W. w. Taylor, one of the Davis coun-
ty commissioners, fell and broke his leg
while trying to do the Senator David
Davis act.
Hunnewell is still clamoring for q
newspaper. God help the man who so
far forgets himself as TO start paper in
Hunnewell.
A Chautauqua county school-teacher
has a teachers certificate signed by Jas.
A. Garfield, the president, as one of the
examining board.
The editor of the Hutchinson News
is going to commit matrimony. We are
pleased to note this evidence of prosper
ity on the part of our worthy cotempo-
rary.
A Topeka lady has opened cooking
school in Chicago. If she understands
her business, it was fatal mistake for
the boarding house-keepers at the state
capital to allow her to move away.
Norton county has a postofiice called
| Shibboleth. The name doubtless orig
mated in consequence of a muss of
some kind between the denizens of Slab
town and the citizens of the upper
Prairie Dog.
The farming population in the vicinity
of Osborne, has been reinforced recently
by family in which there are twelve
boys-six pair of twins. So says an ex
change that seems to be inflamed with
intentions upon Eli Perkins Jack-knife
A young man of Thayer, engaged in
the implement trade, received sample
of barbed wire which he put in the
pocket of his overcoat. When he tool
of his coat at an entertainment thai
night, his girl sat down on it She sal
and thought of the word with the "big
big D." while he supposed she was ex
cited over the play, "Pinafore."
In Leavenworth an effort is being
made to put in the field municipal
ticket composed of men of both po!iti
cal parties pledged against enforcement
of the prohibitory liquor law. Tit
movement has considerable strength anC
will at least have the effect TO make tenn
perance live issue in the spring cam
paign in the principal city of Kansas.
The Arkansas City Water-Power Con
struction company is the style of cor
poration which has tackled the enter
prise of digging canal from The Al
kansas to the Walnut river, distance o
three miles. The object is 60 improv'
the water power Of Arkansas City
which, it is claimed, win be the finest il
. the west, upon the completion Of thi
1 xvorRr
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-04-01

One of the most candid, and In every
way just, criticisms of Senator Mahone's
course is published in the Chicago
Times. In the course of an extended
review of the case, that paper says:
The course OF Aahoneis both honorable for
him and wise tor the people. not only in Vir-
ginia, but or the whole southern section.
Standing the representative Of the anti
Bourbon or progressive element OF southern
society, he could not have enterci the Bour-
bon caucus without sacrificing his trust and
dishonoring his character for political integ-
rity. On the other hand, the conditions OF
the struggle OF the southern progressists
against the tyrsnnical dominion Of Bourbon
Ism, so we'll represented by Senator Hill. re-
quire, for the success OF the former, that their
efforts shall be encouraged and their cause
streng hened In all feasible ways The al
ministration can encourage and strengthen
them In many ways. 10 it will. The policy Of
wisdom, rs Of war, for the pregressists Is e
gain the active friendship and support OF the
| admihistratio, To 90 that, IL becomes neees-
sary that they should give to the administra-
tiOn th' il support
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-04-01
MALONE AND REGULATION.

MALONE AND REPUTATION
New York Herald: 1t is well to re-
mind the Bourbons of the south who in.
sist that We should look upon Senator
Malone, of Virginia, as nothing but q
repndiatoE, that in no state has repudia-
ton been pursued with so merciless and
reckless purpose as in those southern
states under the control of the Bourbons
themselves. Even conceding that every
thing IS true alleged against General
Malone on the question of the funding
OF the debt of Virginia, the difference be-
tween the general and his critics is one
of policy and not of principle If A
owes B one hundred dollars and pro-
poses to pay him off with seventy-fiYe
dollars he is in principle no more enti-
tied to respect than c, who owes the
same sum TO B, and who proposes to pay
seventy dollars. For A to call c q re-
pudiator as against B would be absurd
This expresses the whole of the question
so far as General Malone and his oppo-
nents are concerned
General Malone deserves credit for his
policy in Virginia for fighting the old
hide-bound Bourbon element, which
lives only upon the hatreds and memo
ries of the war. If Virginia had accept
ed ten years ago the policy which Mr..
Malone champions to-day, she might
now be side by side with the great CON-
monwealth of the north in material
prosperity. There is every desire ana
disposition on the part of the north to
shake hands with the south, to forget
the war and its belongings, to contri-
butte to the amplest degree to the devel-
opment of southern resources The
Bourbons have made this impossible.
General Malone shows the way, and
even from a southern point of view he
is the best friend of the south. The fact
that he proposes to act with the Repub-
licans and support the new admiAistra-
ton is the best assurance that there
would be no desire on the part of Mr..
Garfield or of the Republican party to
revive the period of military occupation.
General Mahone's holding the position
he does is the best guarantee to the south
for selfgovernment.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-04-01
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

No less than six lines of railways are
under construction in Africa.
Men are like pins-one with little
head may be just as sharp as one with q
big head.
According to census recently taken
the population of the German Empire
numbers As, 1914, 172 souls
Out of total of 10000 railway EN-.
ployes in Great Britain and Ireland,
600 are killed or injured every year.
According 10 the census statistics, the
quantity Of fresh fruit sold last year IN
Chicago amounted to SO 042, 500; dried
81 ,301 600 The sales Of foreign amount.
ed to $2,903 300; canned, f,752, 500;
CaIifornia. $813, 500 Grand total S16,.
rs, 800
The amount of 4, ~ and 8 per cent.
government bonds held by corporations
according TO the figures furnished By
the census bureau, Is S227, 451 $50. Tho
national banks hold 1o,251 40; ths
savings banks. e151 ,2e4. 40o; private
banks, 1920, $50; Insurance companies
$50, 81, 40; trust companies. %, 464 $50
and express companies, $50. 100.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-04-01

New York Tribune: Alexander Ste
phens is the established seer of the
Democracy. He predicted that their
extra session laundering would lead TO
either farce or tragedy, and it led
them to both. Now he says of the
later developments: THE Democrats
bungled all through the campaign, and
have acted indiscreetly since. My
friend Hill has given the finishing
stroke. regret his conduct; it was
very injudicious. What right had he to
question or attack his peer? It was an
outrage, piece of JacObinism. A man
is responsible only to his own conscience
1 believe. Why, these caucus measures
are ruinous! will not submit to them
Mr.. Hills speech was very unwise. He
has probably lost US everything"
Many other Democrats. who are not
prophets, have come to the same con
oluSiOn
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-04-01

jackson. If there is a sufficient meas
ure of veneration extant among tn
American people to restrain the errati,
tendencies of sole leather, it might be
bonanza scheme for some book agent Il
invest in the trousers of the, eX-president
as sort of talismsn against persona
violence.
Atchison Champion: The massive
minds of the Missouri Legislature havt
been engaged in close conflict with fif
teen different dog laws, and yet il is SAT:
TO say that in the interior counties o
that state you cannot fire shotgun il
any direction without raising howls snd
dog hair.
The San Francisco Bulletin says there
was novel sight in Virginia City, Ne
vsds, lately. 1t was big Indian car
ryIng a papoose in his arms. The spec.
tators were beginning to express their
surprise, when his squaw came wearily
around the corner, bending under the
weight of two sacks of flour.
There is said to be u slight GOODNESS
existing between the crown princess of
Germany and her mother, Queen Vic.
toria- Authentic advices state that il
grew out of the fact that in giving the
girls their setting out" the old lady be-
slowed couple of extra feather beds
upon the princess Louise, as means of
protection against the extreme rigor of
the Canadian climate.
Eleven hundred women have sent their
photographs to Adam Forepaugh, who
offers $4,000 TO the handsomest lady
who will travel with his aggregation
during the coming season. The crafty
Snowman has shown his intelligent ap-
probation of possible results by consti-
tuting the man who goes in to the III
gers" committee of one to decide upon
the claims of the charming applicants.
New York Tribune: Thick as the
leaves in Valombrosa," is a familiar
phrase, but few persons, we imagine,
have anything more than a vague i'm
preston of precisely how thick that is.
A traveller who has just returned from
Valombrosa by way of Washington in
forms US on his honor as q man that the
leaves when he left the former place last
fall were nearly as thick as the office
seekers are in the latter place.
Vennor, the "Canuck' weather expert,
warns Chicago to prepare for a sweeping
flood on or about the fifth of April.
This is considerably shorter notice than
was served upon Noah and the antedilu-
VANS. but an ordinary tug boat, fitted up
as an ark, will be amply adequate to the
accommodation of all the righteous citi-
zens of that town, and will afford storage
for sufficient amount of provisions TO
last them for at least forty years, upon
the most conservative estimates.
ST. Louis Globe-Democrat Chicago
is talking in a feeble way about the
Worlds Fair since the Globe Democrat
called attention to the fact that it ought
to be located in the west. If Chicago
were chosen as the place there would be
two classes of people conspicuously alb.
sent from the show-those who attended
the Republican convention there last
summer and those who attended the
Knights Templar convention somewhat
later in the season. People do not like
to be robbed twice by the same city.
The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-04-01
AN IMPORPANT QUESTION,

The Monetary Conference to which
ex-Secretary EYsr:s, and ex-SenatOrs
Thurman and Howe have been appoint
ed delegates by the United States, is to
meet in Paris this spring or summer,
possibly as early as April. It's purpose
is TO determine, if possible, q ratio of
value between gold and silver, which
will be acceptable to the nations repre-
scented and adopted by them in their
coinage. The early settlement of the
relative values of the two coins is es-
pecially desirable to France who, on &C
count of failure Of crops, has been
Obliged to purchase food elsewhere to
the great depletion of her stock of gold.
Silver she has, but on account Of the de-
monetization of that metal by Eng
land and Germany, and its unsettled
value in exchange, in the United States,
it cannot well be used for expectation.
So far as America is concerned, there
cannot be said to be any immediate de.
mand for haste in the matter, but it is
certainly of the highest importance to
this country to have such q ratio OF
! value fixed as will enable silver to CIR
culatc freely throughout the world. The
vast productions of our western mines
must have market. Soon the projected
railroads To Mexico will be built, open
ing up the mining regions of that cOun
| try and greatly increasing the genera
stock of silver.
England has signifed willingness Il
send representatives 60 the conference
but reserves the right 10 disregard it
conclusions.
Manifestly the great objection 10 tL'
adoption of a silver standard is il
liability 10 vary in value more thai
gold. A standard fixed by the confer
ence this spring might, TO be exactl!
Just, require a change in the fall. Blu
this has been true Of gold During ant
for many years succeeding the wal
while gold was subject Of speculation
lis changes in value were frequent ant
violent. Now il Is more settled, but 1t
market value throughout the world l
never likely to be for any considerabl
time in exact accordance with tn
stamped value Of coin, allow
ing for the cost Of coinage
Many deny the possibility of a doubl
standard, but if At all practicable, il
great desirability to America must b
acknowledged. Messrs. Evarts, Thu
man and Howe are men who will Civ
: the subject all the thought and examiI
: alton that its importance demand
Their profession has trained them to
careful discrimination in the useOf fact
: and their political experience enable
: them to judge Of the proper applics;io
of such facts 10 national finances. The
: have an opportunity to do service
the country, which they must certaiDl
appreciate and will endeayoE to perform
I Exnerss are beaukifrfiy by the eal