Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-12-30
FU "

f u n
He LOST BY IT.-A Griswold street
lawyer was looking out of his window yes
terday when he recognized a familiar fig |
ure and made hurried preparations to va
cate his room, leaving On the desk card |
bearing the legend:
ssGone over to circuit court-be back IN
two hours"
He was scarcely out of sight when the
individual seen from the window entered
the room, read the card, and at once plan
ted himself in chair with the look of a
man who meant to sit right there for
twice two hours if necessary. But 1t
wasn't necessary. He left the room IN
about half an hour, and the owner hurried
back to find note reading:
ssDear Sir-I came up this morning to
borrow SIS of you to help me out on my
board. You were not in. but one of your
clients has called and left SO. have re-
ceipted for the money in your name, and
will consider it as loan until I see you
again. Ta-ta.
The lawyer wasn't over ten seconds re-
alizing that he could have saved $5 by
staying there and lending as much, and
he wasn't of any good the rest of the day.
Free Press.
Fullness under the eyes, says phreno-
logical journal, denotes language. A close
1. r.. hat E,,lln mn dor
the vest also causes flow Of language
It has been noticed that towards the wind
ing up of dinner party there is wond-
erful flow of language among the guests.
Somebody has started the rather improb-
able story that a bug is now eating up the
anthracite coal crop. If that bug would
set to work and eat up the men who charge
$3.50 a ton for the same 1t would please US
us better-AndreeoS' Queen.
s'How is it my dear, that you never kin
died fame in the bosom of any man?''
said an old lady to her niece. To which
the young lady replied. 1.-THE reason my
dear, is as you well know, that am not
good match.''
According to veracious but unknown
scribe, an Iowa editor was challenged to
fight a duel. He promptly accepted, and
chose axes as the weapons. Then he is
sued a supplement and named forty rods
as the distance.
The growing custom of wearing mourn
ing for a deceased sweetheart should be
discouraged. When-ha dozen different
girls suddenly appear in black at young
mans funeral, the situation is embarrass-
ing.
.sBill,' said one apprentice to another,
''my boss is better man to work for thar
your old man. My boss amt always
around the shop, interfering with his own
business
The young man goes to see mis- girl,
And then what does he do?
He wonders if So week
Is money enough for two.
The mad dog which jumped over six
foot fence to bite mans leg must have
felt terribly mortified and Disguised when
he found it was wooden.
The season for carrying fans is great
comfort to some women. 1t enables them
to yawn without attracting attention to
The size of their mouths.
Paper dinner-pates are now in use. By
and-bye they will print the news of tl
day around the rim and serve them fresh
at every meal.
1.-The health of Washington p exclaim
ed old Mrs. Plnaphor, reading the head
line in the newspaper, sWhy, thought
Washington was dead
An old proverb says: 1.-The anvil lasts
longer than the hammer" This is proba-
bly the only consolation the undermost
man in fight has.
It is learned that sharks are very fond OF
cats as food Now let somebody invent
method of teaching sharks to climb over
woodshed roofs and backyard fences.
When a woman leaves man who has
not earned his salt for years, he immedi-
of her contracting.
A joke and boil are much alike IN one
respect. We all think they are very fun
ny things when they are ON somebody else.
The world will never progress far enough
to believe that man 8 black eye was caus-
ed by anything else than somebody's fist.
ssWhat is home where love is not!' asks
a susceptible young poet. It's mighty
interesting place to the neighbors.
A match is gentle thing; but scratch
it and it will fire up in a second. Match
es are not altogether unlike folks.
Advice to married: Put safety valve
upon your self esteem if you do not want
to get s.blown up.
To make a successful run for office
man must initiate snow. He must come
down occasionally.
If it took coffee as long to settle as it
does men, great many of us would diink
water.
Market scene-two flats. Customer:
! s.That meat is tainted.'' Butcher swell
ing, mo 'taint.''
ssAre you wall flower Pr he asked, and
she replied: ''No, am wall SIR" Then
they waltzed.
In the Salt Lake City flats appears this