National Republican., 1881-11-23
ODD SCIENTISTS.
THE VARIOUS SPECIMENS you MEET.
How They Reason Like wise Men and Talk Like
Fools-Thcir Eccentric Notions-A Scheme
for Improving the white House
Whole Bnrcau Of Lunatlcs.

hhole HurCau OF Lunatcs'
The scientific man is Il queer duck. You
laugh at his eccentrcites, pity his folcs and ad-
mire his learning. There are some men who are
smart all over As rule the scientific man Is smart
in spots. Take him away from his specially aud he
is apt to be either crazy rs loon or helpless as
child, yet the scientist is the intellectual dcta-
tor Of the age, and hls theories hold the outposts
In the mental progress Of the race. Tho ad-
vanced thinkers Of the present are scientific, and
all modern literature is thoroughly saturated with
this spirit On account Of this emincnco Of the
scientific man, and the universal consideration
which he receives, he should be approached in
reverental spirit A reporter of THE REPUBLICAN
has been making
A STUDY OF THE SCIENTIFIC MAN.
The result is surprising. No one place in this
country furnishes better facilities for the study, or
more varied specimens ofthisspccies ofhumanity.
He is found in nearly every Department Of the
Government, and some bureaus employ this talent
exclusively. Many Of them have n worldwide
reputation, while others are favoraby known in
scientific circles. But the man who wreses with
cosins and masticates coeliCients and submits the
result on paper gives no indication of his personal
ity, along with the splendid solution Of intricate
mathematical problems. In the original researches
in the fields Of biology, astronomy, geology, and
Ohelhbtly tntIC - nO Vi luc IutlSul
Investigators. The personality is distinct from
the work. But there is personality and a very
strong one. You sometimes meet them on the
streets, and they are distinguished by shabbi
ness of attire and an absent expression in their
faces. They go browsing along apparently oh.
hvous of their surroundings If a stranger met
one ofthose men he would at once set him down
as tramp not quite passed the pale of respocta-
bilty and If he talked with him the stranger
would conclude that
IT WAS SOME CRANK.
The reporter, passing through the grounds south
Of the White House the other day saw a gentleman
well and favorably known in scientific circles
standing gazing intently toward the White House.
The absorbed philosophers attention was gained
by the salutation " How are you this morning,
Professor He turned slowly to the speaker and.
with prcoccupicd air, said, evidently in conlinu
alton Of his train of thought:
Now, IL the lower walls were taken away and
the house placed on pillars then the problem
would be solved"
Certainly" was the confident reply Of the puz.
zled listener. but don't understand exactly
how that solves the difficulty"
I" II is plain enough" said the savnn in n rather
irrtalcd tone. "It is well. known fact in physics
that II heavy dense atmosphere Keeps close In the
earth Now the ground for the river being level the
malaria Crccps along until IL reaches the house,
itwould 60 right through aud pass of without af
fecting the occupants of the house"
81 should think" said the scribe, falling inwith
the scheme, that If there was n large open bug ut
the other end Of the house II might catch all the
malaria and prevent 1t from striking the car
drivers OH the Avenue
YES" said the Professor grnvcly considering
the proposition, that might be done ifyou could
get large enough bag. But would prefer an air
receiver in the basement which would take up this
air, and by some chemical process extract the
poison from it,
This last
PARALYZED THE REPORTER,
and he fed from the scene, leaving the Professor
TO renew his calculations, The professor is not an
uncommon experience here in Washington and
you find him slowed away in out.of.way hooks
in nearly all the Departments. When some din-
cult problem in mathematics comes up or some
special work is to be done 1t Is sent to the profess
Bor. He is not popular and does not occupy much
Of the attention Of his fellow. clerks except when
he makes some odd observation on current events
or evolves some cranky idea. In conversation on
matters outside of his specially u school. boy
would appear to more advantage than the sage,
He seems to realize that he is green
and likes to get of by himself and be
away from others. Sometimes q few
Of these characters form society for the discus
sion of scientific subjects, and the names of such
organizations that are now or have been In exist
ence are legion. They don't hold together very
long, for an ordinary sized room is generally too
small to hold one, and when several get together
there Is trouble. There are two scientific societies
here which have been In existence for some time
and social club But the membership is made
up largely ofthe dabblers in science those that
have not confined themselves to the one subject
and are still in their right minds There is one
Department of the Government where scientific
men are exclusively employed. The chief is q
scientific man and so are they all
DOWN TO THE nuMBLEsT CLERK.
Recently the regulations governing the bureau
were revised by Government official thoroughly
Conversant with its needs. lie inserted rule rro-
hibitng the employment In the bureau of any
person in whose family insanity had been for two
generations back. When the rules were submitted
10 the head of the Department (Which this bureau
belonged, that Official cried out In amazement:
"What do you mean by inserting such rule? II
is ridiculous"
well. sir" replied the subordinate, "if you
knew the personnel of the bureau rs well MS do
you would not think So You will haYe to begin
somewhere. Why, If that rule was retroactive
there would not be a single one of the present en-
ployees left in the bureau. They are all crazy
now, and they get worse every year. and II a man
with Il tendency TO insanity gets in the bureau he
sUon develops into iirst.class lnnatic"
Ihis was new view OF the matter TO the chief,
aud he allowed the rule TO remain. The study of
the exact sciences, when exclusively followed,
SEEMS to unbalnnce the mind, and there is hardly
an instance of proficiency In those studies, ac-
companied by II complete and rounded mental
culture. CruditiGs and oddities continually crop
out, which make the man, in spite Of ms eminence
in his specially, an object Of pity and ridicule.
Perhaps, however, this class is Just sane the
ordinary run Of people. The poet has said we are
all fools. The difference is simply in the degree
In me eases the mercury in the fool thcrmom-
registers 100 or2Oo, and IN others II soars to 9S9