The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-12-16
AN ACCESSION TO TEE rAmI6Y,

"Well. well, VOL, = said Mr. Spoop-
Whole head, and an effort at q tip toe
tread that shoofsathe whole house.
And SO it's n girl. my dear"
Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled family and
Mr.. Spoopendyke picked up his heiress.
Its the image OF you,n said she, re-
garding with some trepidation Mr..
Spoopendyke's method of handling the
infant
s.I don't see how you make that out, -
said Mr.. Spoopendyke gravely. II
don't know when my nose looked like
the thumb part of a boiled lobster claw
Do ] understand you that my eyes
bear any resemblance to the head of a
screwP''
II mean the general features" MUIR
INJURED Mrs. Spoopendyke.
''The general features seem to be all
mouth retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke,
examining his acquisition. IF our
general features are at all alike, ms
visage mus. remind you of an earth
quake Hi! kitchce kitchee What
makes her fold her legs like that9''
s.sShe can't help it, reasoned Mrs.
Spoopendyke. 'sThey'll straighten out
in time.'
me time ike the present." quoted
Mr.. Spoopendyke, and he took his
daughters feet and commenced pulling
her limbs. 81 don't want any handy
legged first in this family while I'm at
the head of it."
Naturally the baby began to cry and
Mr. Spoopendyke essayed to soothe it.
''Hi! kitchee! kitchee! kitch-ee-ee"
he chirruped. Great Scott, what
cavern! Any idea how much this mouth
weighs? Hill kitcheei kitctieei You'll
have 20 get that mouth rooted in before
cold weather. What's the matter with
her, anyway?'
perhaps you hurt her. Let me take
her, please" pleaded helpless Mrs.
Spoopendyke. tr.,. .s
s'She's doing well enough. Hi! you'll
Hold upi Haven't you anything to
catch her mouth imp It's splitting all
Genevieve, Cleopatra, dry upi I'm
going to have trouble breaking this
young ones temper, l can see that
Herei bend the other way oncer' and
Mr.. Spoopendyde tried to straighten up
his offspring without avail.
Let her come to me, do, please"
moaned Mrs. Spoependyke, and Mr..
Spoopendyke was forced to hand her
over. =. -t..... :.
well. that's quite baby" said he.
nursing his knee and cycling the infant.
whats those bumps over its eyes forP
What preponderance of intelligence do
they representa-?
You mustn't talk So" demonstrated
Mrs. Spoopendyke. ''She's the hand
soonest child you ever saw" -H.a
''Well, she's got to stop biting her
nails before she goes any further with
this procession. Here, take your
hands out of your mouth, can't you?
Why don't you put her hands down?'
''Why, all babies do that" explained
Mrs. Spoopendyke. ''You can't stop
that
'Tm going to try" said MIR. Spoop-
endFke, land I don't want to be inter-
fered with in bringing this child up.
Here, you, Maud S. Bonesetter, put your
hands in your pockets! Don't let me sec
any more nail chewing or you and I'll
get mixed up in an argument. She gets
that from your family, Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke"
"Say, dear, don't you want to 60 and
order some things?' asked Mrs. Spoop-
-enkyke. ~. .sr,
mo, ''-reioined her husband, sI want
to see this youngster. Where's her
chimp Do babies always have their
upper jaw set right on their shoulders 2
Kitchee! kitchee! Her scalp comes
clear to the bridge of her nose. Idon't
believe she's quite right. Where's her
foreheadP Great Moses! Her head is
all on the back part! Say, that baby's
got to be pressed. That's no shape
Get away" exclaimed Mrs. Spoop-
endyke Indignantly. ''She's perfect
angel. There's nothing in the world
the matter with her."
''Of course you know" growled Mr..
Spoopendyke. ''You don't want any
thing more than a fog horn and a mis-
spent appropriation to be an orphan
asylum. IF I had you faith and tho
collie L d make a living as a foundling's
home! She'll be old enough to spank
in week, won't sheP'
s.No, she won'tr' said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. She'll never be old enough for
thas', IN, NJ.
Spoopendyke, ''if she isn't, she'll get it
before she natures up 10 that period.
That all. Let me take her. Here.
lets ave her."
Is / Mrs. Spoopendyke fatty refused.
Keep your dod gastei baby, then!"
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke. ''If you
know gore about babies than do, then
keeo er. The way you coddle her one
woI-u think she was a new paste Tor
she EXON. If you had one more
brain sud n handle. you'd make a
far at, box! Fit you up with a
brase n >ofa and grease spot and
you u do for a secondhand nufsery.'
And Mr.. Spoopendyke started off to
find his friend Specklewottle. who con-
graduated him, and started off with
him to assist in tie selection of an over
coat and pair of ear muffs as a pre-
cautionary against the approaching
winter = Bro0hcIsna EaQle.