Middletown transcript., 1881-08-05
CHIPS.

A Brooklyn young man calls his
sweetheart "Silence," because when
he wants to kiss her she gives con-
sent. y Wit and Wisdom.
A mother who is very fond Of taking
her children sailing, says she always
does so when there is spanking breeze,
as it keeps them in good order.-Phila-
delphia San.
The toy pistol is doing more to kill
off our youth than all the cigarettes
and green apples that grow. The toy
pistol is a son-of-a-gun.-W Willidmsport
Breakfast Table.
Several Texans are in jail at Lead
vile. We have always observed that,
no matter where Texans may be, they
move in the very best society the place
has.-Teras Sittings.
Wonderful indeed are the workings
of the cooling apparatus now employed
at the White House, in Washington.
1t is stated on good authority that a
COW which pastures under the Presi-
dents window now gives ice cream
OIL City Derrick.
Great editors as a rule, dress very
plainly. They have no desire to be
mistaken for six dollar week clerks.
philadelphia Ne,Cs. Alas How
true! Here, James, run over and see
if those pants are colored yet. If they
are, get them, and tell the man We'll
see him in the future. oil City Derrick.
eff you find a locomotive rushing at
you," says a Virginia authority,
''spring into the air and come down on
the cowcatcher This might injure
the cowcatcher. A better plan would
be to jump into the air and let the train
pass under you. 1t requires little
practice at first.-NorriStoocn Herald.
Young folks will be pleased to learn
that another comet is on its way here.
In order that she may see it, it will be
necessary for him to put hisarm around
her neck and point out the heavenly
visitor, occasionally placing his eyes
close to hers to see if she is looking in
the right direction. Transcript.
We have dragged out miserable ex-
istence for the past week without the
Sunny Cline, of Texas, and we think
if the watermelon and soda water croT
hold out, perhaps we can wean our
selves from our great consuming love
for the Jolly Old Jackass Of the Sunny
South. At least we are going to try it
with superhuman strength. Bill Nye'S
Boomerang.
Clara writes to ask if we can recon-
mend anything for sore throat. Why
yes, Clara, bless your dear little heart,
fannel's an excellent thing-blue fan
mel is the most soothing it made
up into coat sleeve, and get some
young fellow to hold it on for you
then it hangs on better and is more ef-
fectUal. 1t is said sometimes to be
cheaper than rye and rock Y0nkers
Statesman.
Jacob G. Schaefer owns singing
cat, and local paper thinks it is a
great curiosity. 1t is not, however
unless its voice was cultivated abroad
in some fve-thousand-a-year conserva-
torie. There are hundreds of singing
cats right here in this town, but thei1
voices lack culture, and when they
warble selection from Faust it is
difficult to distinguish it from a solo on
the bagpipes, and the audience throw
everything but boquets at the perform.
ers. Mr.. Schaefer can keep his singing
cat-keep it quiet, if he can.-NorriS.
to,Cn Herald.
When is horse like a business mar
in trouble ? When he breaks.
delpbid San. When is he like a miner
When he is working in the shafts
.SteubenUille Herald. When is he like &
man selecting a cheese =? When he ha'
bit in his mouth. Baton. When il
he like alover? When he is going on
swinging gate Ya,ocob Strauss. Whe1
is he like young lady out shopping
When he is driven home by the reins
-Chdf. When is he like a negro entry
clerk When he is coal blacl
charger. Ya,ccOb Strauss. When i,
he like a drunken man When he ha.
the staggers. Elerated Railpay JON,
nal. When is he like New York par
agrapher at ten cent lunch counter
When he is getting away with the
tongue. Yonkers Statesman. An(
when is he like a man who is being
hanged When he is high strung.