The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1881-04-22
A LudicrOuS ElOpement.

painful to an outsider, to say nothing OF
what he suffers. See him cross his legs,
first one on top and then the other, and
then see him shoot them out in front,
and run his hands in his pockets; then
he draws in his feet, doubles them under
the chair, pulls his hands out of his
pockets and drops them down by his side,
stretches, yawns, bushes, and almost
dies trying to say it. Poor fellow, it is
martyrdom while it lasts, and when he
raDes "get his mouth of" it's like put
Zig beggar on horse back; he just
eanters off to paradise with happy-go-
lucky Indifference that is enviable, bar
ring an obstruction on the track, and
then over on his head he tumbles, when
cruel parents intervene and refuse to
ratify
A ludicrous case of this sort of agony
occurred near the place of my nativity
about twenty-five years ago, In which
had my sympathies so reused that L was
moved to lend the hero some assistance.
His name was Joe, and his girl's, Mar
tina Jane, to whom he had surrendered
his entire heart, stock, lock and barrel
without reservation of any kind, which
she gushingly reciprocated by adding
her entire stock in trade in the partner
ship proposed But the old folks de-
INJURED refused TO ratify=threatened n
war of extermination-bani Joe, and
belied Martha Jane, besides several other
threatened acts of dire hostility. In fact,
Joe and Martha Jane had the biggest
spider put in their dumping ever known
since Adams and Ewes apple scrape.
Their hearts all but "busted '-but they
didn't.
The parties were neighbors-lived in
sight of each other-Joe on the hill and
Martha Jane in the bottom. When
Martha Jane came forth to nourish
her young fowls with preparation of
ground corn and water, she would cast
her loving eyes upward and rest them on
Joe, who would from above look down
affectionately on his Martha Jane, and
they would sigh and swallow great hunks
of grief as big as apple dumplinGs.
Joe was so badly Oft that was sorry
for him, and when he called upon me to
assist him, L proceeded at once to the
prospective mother-in-law more or lessf
with my eloquence, ''from whom l
proceeded from whence" running,
but my time was good. 1 reported pro-
gress, and begged to be excused. Joe
got worse and worse; threatened to
commit-well, to steal something, and
did make divers efforts to steal his girl,
nul TIE OH IplhS SltDl Oh llltI arms.
Joe was getting terribly bad off; he said
he must have her; that must steal her
for him. 1 tried to prevail on him to
bide his time; but, no, have her he must,
and / must do the Job for him; he -lsSsSsu
1 could do it if 1 w. and -
done right off.
When found JSc1c0hldn 'f>Wl1e
scented to try my hand. 1 was about
AIartha's age, and the thought occurred
to me that l would dress in woman's
clothes and let Joe steal me, and see if
it would "sorter" cool his ardor. 1 con-
fided my plan to some of the boys, and
they approved it and promised their as
sistance.. We concluded that we would
let the old man, Martha James father,
into the secret, and arrange for him to
pursue us with his hounds, of which he
had about dozen, when we made the
attempt. The old man entered into the
affair eagerly, for he despised Joe.
After we had fixed all the preliminaries
of time, place and manner of proceeding,
we adiourned to meet the next Sunday
night and have the chase. We met ac-
cording to adjournmentatth the time agreed,
and woman hitched me up in some of
her gear, with q parcel of things tied
round my waist-I don't know what
they all were, but know the outside
was calico, and it was in two pieces; one
was the tail, which was tied on first, and
the other was sort of jacket with sleeves
to it, of some dark sort of stuff These,
with a white sun-bonnet, and blue veil.
and some cotton stuffed in judiciously to
give me gushing makeup, having been
provided as indispensable to my toilette,
was ready and willing to be Joe's-for
a time.
When we arrived near Martha James
house, the old man was waiting for us.
We arranged that after we had got about
quarter of n mile of, one of our party,
(who remained behind for the purpose)
should notify Joe that we had Martha
Jane, and when Joe came tearing by the
house, the old man was to give him
salute from his old double-barrelled shot
gun. Very soon here came Joe full til,
down the hill towards the creek. Bang
went the venerable shotgun, and away
went Joe, and soon came the old man on
his sway-back horse, with his hounds
and shotgun, and accompanied by his
son,
NIitchellville was the objective point
OF the expedition, and it was about five
miles off. The boys got Joe's arms from
him to protect his girl, and prevailed on
him to rush ahead, pay the toll-gate fees,
proceed on to Alitchellyille and have the
license ready, SO as to have no delay.
Aessiraipgly, Joe went off at a lope, paid
the toll for us, and gave strict orders not
to let Martha Jones father through; but
when, the old man came to the gate he
Just jumped his old sway-back over it,
and on he came, his hounds in full CRY.
The way he ''got up and got" along that
pike was a scene not to be forgotten
The fuss he made aroused everybody en-
route.
Our crowd consisted of five. besides
Joe, and we arrived at NIitchellville about
10 p. m. Joe was there, and as soon as
l had dismounted, he was at my side and
led me up to the door and ratified it so
that the startled Justice opened it at
once, but, upon seeing, as he supposed,
female, closed it to arrange his toilet.
Meantime, the old man and his hounds
could be heard nearing rapidly. / whis-
pered to Joe 1 wanted to retire around
the corner of the house to arrange my
dress, and he said, excitedly, Be in
hurry. the old man will soon be here. Z"
did make haste, for no sooner had got
around the corner than darted through
gate, ran down the side of fence.
crept through an opening into q back
yard, and hid behind an ash-hopper.
When the Justice had got clothes on,
he opened the door to tell us to come in.
but, of course, 1 wasn't there, and Joe
was running frantically round the house
looking for his girl, while the old man
and his dogs were coming nearer every
minute. The Justice came out and Joe
yelled for his Martha Jane, but she came
not. Then the Justice called out: Don't
he alarmed, madam, come in; you shan't
be hurt, and essayed to assist Joe to
find her
BY this time the old man, his son and
the hounds had charged into town and
were almost at the door. According to