Litchfield enquirer., 1881-11-24
CLIPPINGS.

Wear cheerful countenance. If your mir TOT won smile on you, how can you expect anybody will ss4n ii Wc si Speaking of an officer of the militia who ap- peared on parade. young lady said, ''he is q | living chromo. . The editor of the Mexia Ledger IS color l bllnd, He thinks his paper is read when everybody else knowsit is not. 4s ses ga AsLondon contractor died last month worth ! 5000. 900, and the dust that he contracted wasn't gold dust either. . S4 9 @8 l A thousand servant girls are wanted in l Manitoba. There seems still to be parts of the earth that have not been subdued. The difference between a defauter and a thief is very simple. One steals enough to hire good lawyers and the other don't. i An1exchange grayely annonnces that local celebrity illlectare 4on the judgment day. He should put It one day later.
 and the loccl papers announceds it under the head, s'Loss of a Whaler.'a 'a a s.4 sf l Always pay as you go," said an old man | to his nephew. But, uncle, suppose have nothing to pay with" "Then don't go" | It is said that the laws of New York very closely resemble sausages You have great i respect for them until you know how they are made.
 It is said tbat gold mine has been discov- cred in Indiana. This is very well. says the Chicago Inter Ocean, but quinine mine is what they want.
 Folks who don't think the Lord can see the hole in punched quarter dropped into the contribution box, have no particular reason to 1 go to church.
 l America" says an Englishman, lis a | country where mans statement is not worth cents unless backed up with an offer to bet you $10 dollars" g#F
 A lady named Bridget McGuire
 Attempted to light fire;
 The wood it was green, so she used kerosene Funeral, Sunday.
 great thing to put flesh on a mans legs" Ii is also great thing to take flesh of man 's nose an other portions of his face. The Chinese are becoming numerous in Chicago. Hating Christianity, as the Celes. tials do, they seek for locations where they will have butt little of it to contend with
 Jones-"What did you think of my argu- ment, Fogg ?" Fogg-"It was sound; very sound. (Jones is delighted.) Nothing but
 sound, in fact" (Jones reaches for brick.
 Venerable Sinner-"If we're really going to have an Experience Meetin' an confess our | sins, move we clear the galleries, close the doors. and go into Executive Session."
 It will make very little difference to the l o,>f yuh ic ind in Washington or New Jersey. The hanging, however, should be fixed at some convenient point.
 It was quite necessary for Henry of Ma varre, according to Macaulay, to tell the French to charge for the golden lilies. Did he suppose they were going to give them away? t.#E t# H 1 St. Louis newspapes editorials are made as brief and explicit as possible, in order to let tha compositors off early. Here is a sample ''The editor of the Kansas City Journal is a | liar!" Y +F R#* S- s-@s- %' @@
 Patti dld want ito see dear old America again. SO badly! And the prices she charges America for seeing her justly enLitle it to call her similarly, but less affectionateiy. ''dear' old Patti .--..-.
 ''Oh, the perils of the deep!" exclaims the traveller as he reaches the shore. When he l sees his trunk in the hands of the baggage an Dihilator he changes his cry to ''perils of the 1 depot ]" .-. ...s
 It was at the Music Hall not long since that lady remarked to a visiting friend, after a solo on the rblg organ, That's all very well uK."
 ''There is no halfway about me-" said Brown; Il always go the whole hog. " 'That's more than his acquaintances can go, " whispered Fogg; ''no wonder his friends l soon forsake him."
 The growing custom of wearing mourning for tue deceased sweetheart should be discour- aged. When half dozen different girls sud- denly appear in black at young mans fu- neral the situation is embarrassing l The remark of an exchange that "many ot our successful lawyers began life as preach CTS, IS gracefully corrected by one of the 1 legal gentlemen referred to, who begs leave to state that he began life as an infant.
 ''Tommy," said a mother to her seven- years-old by, ''you must not interrupt me | when am talking with ladies. You must 1 wait till we stop, and then you can talk. " 'But you never stop" retorted the boy. The Chicago Inter-Ocean says the German visitors "wore citizens clothes, and their heavy overcoats were not uncomfortable '' 1 Now the detectives will know where to look for the missing overcoats lost by the Ger I mans.
 A little son of an evangelical clergyman wished that he could die and go to heaven. "Why?" asks his grandmother, feeling that I ho ic tho tr I to get some of the pennies I've been giving to God" 1 A correspondent writes to an exchange in- quiring ''Is good character of any value ?? Considering recent developments in banking circles, we should say when man of good l character is around to any extent, it's pretty safe to keep the door locked.
 | Postofice clerk-"Here your letteris over- weight" Pat-''Over what weight? ?' P, o. C.-sIt's too heavy; put another stamp on it." Pat-"OCh, git out wid yer foolin' l Sure, If put another stamp on, won't it be | it be heavier still ?'
 One of the most amusing incidents in jour- nalism is found in the case of an editor in New Jersey. He is delicate and numerous writer, with those for news" He publish es daily paper, which is brightly republican in politics; he prints still brighter democrat ic weekly. In the daily he elegantly demol. ishes himself in the weekly paper; but in the weekly he gets even with himself by turning about and utterly annihilating himself as the editor of the daily journal.
 ] Not long ago young man in Carson got l married, and started for California with his young wife. His father bade him good bye and gave him the parentarbessing My son said the aged sire, shaking with emotion. etc., remember these words if you never see he again. Never go into place where you would not take your wife" Last week the old man went down to visit them. He pros enough to. track grizzly tor his lar among some of the powders in the chapparal. As the two approached, the bear reused up and send forth agrowl of defiance which shook the trees. Co in there and kill 'im.'' said