Daily Republican., 1881-10-06
RATHER TOO PLAIN.

At q revival meeting In California
held by one OF Moody and Sankey's
assistants, solid and sompous citizen
arose and boasted Of how he had been
converted, how he entirely approved of
the revival, was satisfied with the re-
suits, hoped his example would greatly
encourage the others, and was willing
to subscribe five hundred dollars to
help on the good work II needed. Az
ter he hal ended, the revivalst remark.
ed, "Is there any other miserable, re-
pentant, purse proud sinner who would
like to say few words?" The "solid"
man arose with heavenly smile on
his face, shook the dust Of the room
from off his feet and left the meeting
to run itself.
Ella heard her fathor say that one of
the neighbors was "troubled with idio-
syncrasy." shortly afterwards, Ella
delivered the following lecture TO her
doll:
"Now dolly, you've got tho idiosyn-
Grassy, and you We got 1t awful bad, and
much 'spect you'll die. But If you
do, you must member to tell 'em up
there that you died with the idiosyncra-
~, and you was 80 crazy that you had
TO die, COZ most times when people get
the idiosyncrasies they has to die, and !
tells you this COZ want to pare you
for great prise party. Now remem-
ber!'
"S-s-ay, father, l learned something
new at school to-day"
"What was it?"
81 learned to say YES, ar. and No,
sir
"Did you?"
"Y-a-a.s."
Ethel was parsing the word angels,
Coming to the genders she stopped dis
mayed and asked the teacher il thore
were any "men angels"
complaint having lately been made
in q Yorkshire hospital that an old
Hiberian would not submit to prescri-
bed remedies, one Of the committee pro.
ceeded to expost,llate with him, when
he defended himself by exclaiming,
"Sure your honor wasn't it a blister
they wanted to put upon my back? and
only told them that was impossible,
for We such u mighty dislike to them
blisters that, put EN- where you will,
they are sure to 10 agin my stomach!
FOLLOWING ADrICE.-"Jonny," said
his father, as tho boy took biscuit from
the plate, don't You know that it is i'm
polite to help yourself before yonr ell
ders?" "Why, pa, mother told me to
help myself before you!" "What do
you mean" asked his father; while his
mother looked on in astonishment in
every feature. "Why, heard mother
tell Hannah that sho hoped would
not take after you; and 80 thought Ia
take my biscuit before you.
soN-1N.LAw's ApoLOGY.-There hat
been q family jar. "Come mother,
come" says the son.in-law TO the old
lady, in obedience to the pititul request
Of his wife Tot to le disagreeable. "let
us make up. said,there was no woman
in the world 80 unbe .raEle as you are
didn't lat which you felt hurt.
Well ] take it back-there are others,
CHIPS.
Why i. grass like a mouse The
cat'l eat IL.
This is the remark of q certain little
boy:
"a like grandpa because as is such a
gentlemanly J mamie always tells me
70 help myself to sugar"
Why isa pretty young lady like a
tea spoon in a cup of tea? Because she
is Interesting Embarrassing
Teacher What is the shape Of the
earth?
Schular--Flat.
Tea ,her-iou know better. IT |
should dig hole through tho earth,
where would | come ont'
Scholar-Out Of the hole.
A little Irish boy saw zebra at q
geological garden. and exclaimed:
"Phat kind Of baste is that-th"
mule with his ribs on the outside OF bis
skin entirely 2"
A little girl, at one of the seaside re-
sorts saw a crab round out its ella ws,
and said:
"See mamma, it is scoulding it SELF