The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1881-07-14

heap the crowning atrociry III asking
me to beat carpets! What do YOU think
am made ofp'' a1
:" II You are going to make fuss
about it, Amos, I'll go out and helm
Hermolne myself, and you may stay in
the house and read"
No, you shall do nothing of the
with?''
That old broomstick in the area.
Put on your old coat, Amos, to protect
your shirt. Yoi. will find pair of
gloves in the pocket.n
"Of my shirtf''
I" No, stupid, of the coat.''
After equipp.ng myself in nv yerv
worst clothes, and looking as much like
a vagabond as an honest butter and ego
dealer can look, / went out@into the
back yard, where the carpet was hang
ing across the clothes-line. Bv the soft
moonlight | could see the still. silent
fgure Of Hermione standing. beside the
carpet like an executioner beside his
victim, armed with a superanuated mop
handle. l heard MacHoulikin in his
yard repairing his fence and singing as
he worked. / don't know which was
the worse-his voice or the noise made
with his TOOLS
Now, Hermione," said I, .let the
festivities begin.'
Her answer was q vigorous whack,
that brought forth a cloud of dust from
the carpet.
Then we both went at it in dead ear
nest In five minutes the dust half
choked and more than half blinded me.
coughed and sneezed, but still fought
on. The more we pounded the more
dirt came. Hermione was at one end
OF the carpet and | at the other, and as
the fray continued we approached each
other.
Whack! Whack! Whacki
Nearer and nearer sounded Hermi-
ones blows, until, just as was out of
breath and had stopped an instant with
bellows to mend,'' l received a start
ling thump on the side of the head.
For second stars danced before nv
eyes, and then / remember hearinr
Mrs. Biggs call from the second-story
window.
Amos, did you swear?''
Before / could say ssno," MacHouli-
kin's head appeared above the fence
and he sang out:
Halo, Biggs! Having little single
stick exercise, ehp Well, it's q good
thing for man of sedentary habits.''
l was too mad to answer him or to
regard the clumsy apology of Hermione,
but stood, holding my hand to my ach-
ing head.
Commenced to swell already.
Biggsp" continued cHoulikin. "lt'Il
be awkward if you can't put on your
hat tomorrow morning.
{. Hermione,'' said /, severely. ssthere
will be no more carpet-beating here to.
night.'''
With that jerked the carpet from
the line. and collecting as much of it in
my arms as could hold, started for the
house. Before / got half way there
stumbled over part of my bulky bur-
den and came down on all fours.
1t biteth Ikea serpent and stingeth
like an adder called out MacHoulikin.
AfterI entered the house and depos-
tied the carpet on the kitchen floor l
turned my attention to my head, and
spent most of the evening doctoring it.
Having done what could for it read
little while. and then started for bed.
| took ne light up stairs with me, and
the consequence was that in the hall on
the parlor floor | ran foul of stove,
nearly upsetting it and "barking'' my
shin. The iron urn surmounting the
stove fell with clang to the floor, and
the noise brought Mrs. .Biggs to the
head of the stairs 7Es ~
'.Amos, what did you breakg' m
81 don't know, and what's more
don't care a.
Mrs. Biggs shrieked:
Swearing again! You are q nice
man to be father of family. I meant
to ask you to carry that stove up here
tonight: III hold the lamp for you to
see by.''
81 won't bulge it an inch if it stays
here till it rusts to pieces,'' | said, say
ageiy.
You are a surly BRUTE" said Mrs.
Biggs;
bedroom, and before / fell asleep heart
lily cursed mentally, of course-the
Cempef-brying lnStltutIon OF house clean
ing.
just as felt myself dropping into
doze. Mrs. Biggs startled me with,
Amos, where did you leave the parlor
carpetp''
ION the kitchen floor.''
"Well, that isn't very safe place.
Don't you think you had better go down
and bring it up to the parlor?''
| don't remember what my answer
was, but Eknow went to sleep and
1reamed / was lying in the back yard
With my head on roll of rag-carpet,
md the parlor stove on the pit of my
stomach. Amos BIGGs,
Butter and Eggs.
P. S.-Butter is down, although my
carpets are not. A. b.
IN. Y. Graphic.
abat ba