The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1881-09-07
A MODERN BIOGRAPHER.
Editors Herald:

E0GJOTS HeT0tQ:
What's the matter with the head
of your co-tem? Is it bile or hypo-
chondria broke out in a new region
Did the premature dose Of charcoal
he administered to himself a few
days ago afford any relief, or does
he yet appear to be cOntOrted in the
upper story. In the event Of a
second dose proving Intellectual, will
it not be advisable to call the citi-
zens together and offer prayer. so
that he may proceed with his inter
esting biographies Of Blaine and
ShurtZ? Is it claw and courtesy
to write the biographies of disgrace
full citizens while they are living
If so, do you think it fair that one
man should be allowed to monopol-
ize all the subjects and cheat other
authors out OF livelihood? Would
it be considered courtesy" by the
literary world and miners unions if
a claw" student should write the
biography of a jack rabbit before
bringing out dime novel?
The advanced sheets Of the
biographies in progress contain some
very amusing paragraphs, which,
like the Danbury Ne1OS mans "They
all do it." are good sauce with vic
tuals." In tbs biography of George
w. Curtis, that gentleman is COM
pared to a half-ciVilized Turk, who
was condemned to death for adVo-
eating reform measures in the Turk
iSh government. This sentence, it
seems, has been committed, and
Punishment among theArabs substi-
tuted. This is the nearest approach
to the Garden of Eden that has been
chronicled since reformation has
been abused. Had Midhat Pasha
studied biography instead of Rus
sian war tactics he would in al
probability have reached the gar
den. An advanced historian will
be the one to start it there next
then there will be no trouble for the
following generations to trace their
geneology and the retailed charac.
teristics of their progenitors. The
poor man who was SO unfortunate
as to be able to use a scythe in NOW
ing the grass in the lawn surround
ing the White House, a few days
after the President was wounded
has been wrapped in poetry in the
preface of his biography, that made
every citizen blush-i.e. the gist OF
it did.
Simonton, Associated Press agent
in the military sheet of his biography
is cruelty harpooned because he was
not kicked out" Of Office. In the his.
tory of the old pioneer, Jim
Bridger, the whole nation is re-
proved because he was not buried at
the foot of some frowning noun
tain, so that they-''Jim" and the
mountain-might smile at each
other during the period of their de-
cay-justice and poetry! 1t might
be well to suggest that the friends
of Matt. Hardin and Fremont con.
suit the modern biOgrapher before
selecting a place for their inter
ment.
Conkling, in his biography, has
been robbed of the title boss,
which the nation gave INN for eX,
traordinary feats of craftsmanship
performed while in embryo. Blaine
succeeded to this title. In all the
advanced sheets of this gentleman's
history he is burleseued as a states.
man. New York finally took the
question up, thinking, perhaps
that there might be something back
Of the joke, and fastened to assist
his development by placing him on
the shelf of patent hatcher. From
latest accounts he had developed
into good, tenacious lawyer, and
influential stump orator, but he
doesn't seem to grasp craftsmanship
viii a relish that gives much hope
OF his ever attaining to eminence in
that department of government
He will not be pitted against states
men until he has had some expert
ence as governor of some fiourishing
territory, an Office that he might fill
with credit to himself and the gov
eminent. Should he fail in this
however, he might possibly be in
duced to edit sensational paper in
some thrifty mountain town. His
dramatic organisms would seem to
fit him especially for this peculiar
adventure.
NEVADA DICK.
Frisco, Sept. 9Th, 1881.