The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-06-16
Brother Gardner,s Advice.

NANo AAS WIN A4OS .
doah," began the old man as the trian-
gle sounded to order, "I answer him
Brown or Jones or White, or whatever
de name may be, but when he goes be-
yand dat an axes what salary de man
Arms, how often his wife changes bon
nets, an how dey make seven dollars a
week go furder dan I kin fo'teen, I be-
come a clam. I has no business to
know, an when I do know I won't tell.
[ used to have some curiosity in dis di-
recshun, but I has got ober it of late
vars. When L know dat a sartin man,
receivin' a salary of $12 per week, kin
give parties, hire carriages an dress his
wife in silks, it makes me glum. Dat is,
it used to. I used to wonder why I
money, but 1 nebber could. When de
ole woman used to tell me dat sartin
women had new silks, new hats, new
close an new shoes once a month de
var roun', an we havin' to lib clus on
de same money, it made me mad. Dat
Is, it used to. When I saw men who
owed fur der washin' struttin' aroun'
like lords, while I had to work seben
days in a week an pay my
debts, I felt like smashin' frew
de sidewalk. But I has got ober
all dis. When I meet a oma who kin
dress like a bankers wife on de $40 or
$12 per week paid her husband, I doan'
low myself to chen fink aboutit. When
I see a man buyin' 20-cent cigars,
sportin' a cane and takin' champagne,
while his chillen at home am bar'fut, I
try to believe dat it am all right. When
a lady wild $500 WORT of close on axes me
to do a job of whitewashin' in a parlor
whar' de bes' pictur's come from a tea
store an de bes' char am under chattel
mortgage, I doan' stop to wonder who
she thinks she am foolin'. Nayburs OBJ
mine who owe all de butchers widin q
circle of a mile kin pay TO dollahs cash
fur a libery rig on Sunday an I shan't
criticise. Wives may go shoppin' cherry
day in de week an gin parties cherry
night, an my ole oma will keep de
cabin jist de same. Since we quit won
derin' an speculatin' ober desc filings we
feel much better. We know fur a fact
jist how fur we kin make money go. If
odder folks kin lib like lords on a salary
of $500 a var it's a streak of good luck
an none of our bizness. My advice to
you am to let SIGH fngs pass. DEFY are
mysteries wild which we nave no bizness,
Ill OO LHo JOu O1OC oDC4 OC1n uc lcOS
you will enjoy what you Lave honestly
Armed by had work an saved by good
economy ."-Free Press.
Unlucky People.
A genuinely-unlucky man will entail
as much misery upon those who are de-
pendent upon or associated with him as
a genuinely-wicked one. They can never
be relied upon. Their speculations turn
out i'll when those of stupider men sue
coed. Their inventions are just a little
anticipated by those they never heard
of. Their books or plays do not become
popular. Their crops are sure to be in
jured by the floods or the tornadoes 1;
their vessels to be wrecked or burned /;
their houses consumed within the twen-
ty-four hours after the insurance policy
had expired, or the day before they had
resolved to take one out. Judges. are
sure to rule adversely to their interests /;
juries always bring in verdicts against
them. Their letters are certain to go
astsay their baggage or expresses pack
ages to be lost or stolen. 1t is they who
are always looking for their missing
knives, and are constantly wondering
where their hats OF their umbrellas have
gone TO-. The money they put into their
pocketbooks, or the pocketbooks they
put into their pockets mysteriously dis
appear. Even when they desire to be
prudent, and, with considerable sacri-
flee and pains, buy their potatoes, their
coal and other stores in advance at re-
duced rates, the prices of the succeed
ing winter invariably fall below what
they have paid. They are to be dread
ed .as Jonah was dreaded. The boughs
Of the he. trees they climb always break
size. The train they take is by NO
mean to be expected at its terminus
on time, and, even if late, should cause
gratitude that it got there at all. Or,
if they are not the victims, they are the
authors, of all sorts of involuntary mis-.
chief. Altogether, shrewd old Roths.
child was wise when he counseled his
sops to "avoid unlucky men,"