Connecticut western news., 1881-08-03
WIT AND WISDOM.

put in his own.
 THERE is one good thing about boy when a circus is in town-you know where to look for him.
 IT has been definitely settled at last that the reason why the pigs tail curls is because it's styed when it IS young.
 WHY is it that what man wants to do is apt to be wrong and that what he ought to do is apt to be disagreeableP
 MIRA CLARK GAINES says she tried for ten years to find flaw in her hus bands character, and couldn't do it. It is so with all of us.
 THE sweetest thing in life is to dream that you have nothing in the world to do except to do nothing, but the hardest work in life is to be able to do it we'll and gracefully.
 IT is said that the money which is the result of honest toll lasts longest and affords the most happiness. Tramps ought to cut this out and paste it in their bank books.
 COUPON tells us what once in a while applies to the matrimonial speculations of modern times, that Marriage is @ banquet where the grace is sometimes better than the feast"
 TEAoHER-John, what are your boots made of? Boy-Of leather. "Where does the leather come from ?" "From the hide of an ox.". "What animal, therefore, supplies you with boots and gives you meat to eat ?" My father"
 WOMEN are biased creatures. When they can't hem a difficulty down, they tucker out and gore it to their own satisfaction. This may seam very moderate fun, but it has 8 thread of connection.
 FIRST News Boy: "'Ow are yer get tin on, Billy2 Nigh sold out yetP" Second N. B.: "What business is that O yourn ?" First N. B.: "Oh, I ain't above takin' interest in the sneakinest an dirtiest O critters"
 els HE family horse ?" inquired Dan Kelly. "Well, Yes" said Al Veteto; Che has kicked the life out of three families already, and being only about eight years old, should say he was equal to as many more."
 SHE-"And so, MT. Jefferson, you go back to your own country next week. And pray, now, what would you like to take with youp" Upon which he plucked up courage and told her right off and now she's Mrs. Jefferson and has gone with hlm.
 CYRUS W. FIELD stoutly maintains that if the first Napoleon had been a truly great man he would have had Moscow fully insured in his own name, collected the insurance money, bought up England with the cash, and lived victoriously and happily ever after.
 A RELIGIOUS body was disciplining member for numerous offences, in- cluding constructive forgery" "What do you understand by constructive forgery ?" queried 8 seeker for light. CT don't exactly know, my brother, un- less it means raising forty dollars on four dollar check"
 A YOUNG lady who was enamored of member of church choir in the ad- joining village, took friend to hear him sing. On the way home after the services she ventured to ask what he thought of him. "I think he would make a splendid auctioneer," was the answer.
 AN APPRENTICE boy who had not pleased his employer one day came in for chastisement, during the ad- ministration of which his master ex- claimed: "How long will you serve the devil?" The boy replied, whimper- ing: You know best, sir believe my indenture will be out in three months"
 AFTER what quaint old Fuller has said such thing as the Burdett-C Coutts- Bartlett marriage ought to be impossi- ble. The startling utterance to which we refer is as follows:-''They that marry ancient people merely in expecta- tion to bury them, hang themselves in hope that some one will come and cut the halter"
 REV. DR. TYNa, of New York, when theological student. supplied church in neighboring town, and on his way to preach one morning met an aged colored man. "Well, uncle, do you ever go to hear the young preacher ?" asked the unfedged doctor. "No, massa," replied the negro, "dis chile don't let none O dem students practis on him."
 PRETTY prattler (after the wedding breakfast, departure of the happy pair): -Child-" Why do they throw things at the pretty lady in the carriage ?" Young Lady, For luck, dear" Child And why don't she throw them back ?" Young Lady-"Oh, that would be rude." Child (promptly)-" No it wouldn't Ma does." Pleasant for ma and pa, who overhear and know that others overhear also.
 IT is impossible to satisfy some men. No matter how much they have they want more. They are like the little boy who had gorged himself at dinner, but still begged for piece of custard pud- ding. "But, my dear, ," said his mother, ''you are so full now that you can hard ly speak," The youthful prodigy re- piled: "Mother, the apple dumpling side of my stomach is full, but the cus- tard pudding side is empty"
 ALBUQUERQUE, N. M., has a greatly respected justice of the peace. An il-