The Portland daily press., 1881-01-29
by the words: 'What insolencep' and b!

| but as it happened it was Litton. L knew
| his laugh as he came up the stairs-and, in
| deed, who but he would have laughed with
| the butler?
"Dear me,' said he after the usual sau-
| tations, "what nice little dinner party we
| shall be, and what lots there will be to eat"
''Indeed, Mr.. Litton," said my wife, draw
| ing herself up, 81 hope there is always
| enough to eat at my house,
mo doubt, my dear madam; but since
| what is enough for three can scarcely be
| enough for fourteen, so what is enough for
| fourteen must be rather too much for three.
| However, 'surplusage,' as your husband
knows, being a city man, is no error"
1t was very unpleasant to my wife to have
me called "a city man, but it was more so to
be impressed with the conviction that the
guest who had done so was intoxicated.
"What do you mean, Mr.. Litton," she in
quired, ''by your fourteen and three?"
Then he laughed laugh peculiar to him
self and stage demons: "Why my dear,
Mrs. Litton, is it possible you don't know
what sort of night it is out Of doors? If
had not lived just round the corner, so that
[ had no crossing to get over, l should not
have dared to come myself. | kept tapping
the area railing with my umbrella like
blind man. Why, bless you, nobody will
think of coming tonight; no cab will bring
them"
MOSI-lluceu, DeliGNe dll-OuT guests
are carriage people," observed my wife with
dignity.
'Then, their coming is quite out of the,
question. know exactly what happens in
these cases. The butler comes up to say
the coachman wishes to speak to his master
What is it Johu?' (Litton was one of those
dreadful persons who give limitations of
other peoples voice and manner) We'll, sir
they're not my losses, you know; you can do
4a1
you it's as much as their lives is worth to
bring 'em out on such night as this. They'll
be poled, or famed, or perhaps 60 down one
of them river streets into the Thames, before
we know where we are."
'But, my dear Charles" exclaimed my wife,
turning upon me with some abruptness, swhy
did you not tell me what night it wasp
''Oh, its little thick, no doubt" said l
cheerfully, "but l did not wish to alarm you.
Everybody will come, you'll see, in time;
perhaps we had better have dinner put back,
say for half an hour"
''Oh, that is not bit of good,'' exclaimed
Ltton (who felt sure had not taken any
luncheon; when he is asked out to dinner he
| never does); ''if your guests are to come at
all, they will be here by this time even if
they come at foot's pace; indeed that is the
only pace they could come, with the coach
man walking at the horses heads like
cheap funeral"
As rule, my wife objected land quite
right too) to wait for anybody, but in spite of
Litton's arguments, or because of them(sh
was as l have said, little superstitious,
and his allusion to a funeral, and especially
a cheap one, gave her quite a turn, by no
means in his favor), she rang the bell and
ordered the feast to be postponed.
Litton looked so extremely disgusted, and
indeed SO hungry, that felt compelled to
offer him an apology and glass of sherry.
The latter he accepted with much alacrty.
Would you like sherry and bitters?"
said l, knowing the tastes of persons of his
class; and, lest he should feel uncomforta-
BILE taking it alone, took one with him.
This had the effect of raising his spirits,
always considerably above concert pitch;
which was most unfortunate, for when one
is straning ones ear las I was) for the
symptoms of an arrival, or speculating in
ones mind as to what dishes had better be
left out las most suitable for the morrow if
nobody should come to eat them las my
wife was). it is difficult to appreciate the
jokes even of persons of distinction, among
which class our only guest could hardly be
reckoned.
If Canon Cruciform and his wife had ar
rived, or even Colonel and Mrs. Tiffin, we
should not have experienced such sense of
waste, but to think that we should have Civ
en- dinner for fourteen to the man whom
we had asked in as stop-gap, was refec-
ton indeed calculated to depress the human
mind. AS to laughing at his jokes, did my
best, for, after all, he was my guest, but
the effort deserves to be classed among the
sublimest records of self-sacrifce. To see
him taking my wife's arm downstairs, and
myself following despondently, like single
mourner after the Siamese Twins, must
have been trying spectacle to the walters,
who knew what was wrong as well as we
did, and whose cheeks were swollen as
though they had the mumps. If IIitton
had laughed upon the stairs land it was
wonder he didn't, it must have set those
men of, and they would have exploded.
The table had the appearance of a gorge
GUS table d'hote to which all the landlords
art had failed to attract customers.
''Is it possible sighed my wife, looking
at the flowers with pathetic regret (Uncle
Milston liked flowers, and we always tried
to please the old gentleman at whatever
cost)-"Is it really possible that nobody is
coming?' m
''Well, there's Litton and myself" said 1,
with significant pressure of ner foot, for
we had all settled down at one end of the
table, as ducks in a frozen lake congregate
round hole that has been cleared of ice, or
as sheep huddle together in snow-storm;
"you surely don't mean to. call us nobody.
And of one thing am certain, that if he
hasn't broken his neck or his leg, we shall
see the Colonel He prides himself on al
ways keeping his appointments and never
altering his mind. Don't you remember
that picnic on Box Hill, which he insisted
on his wife going to, though it was a pour
ing wet day and there was nobody there but
themselves.
''Just like U.S." sighed my poor wife. Then
suddenly, "Come, there is somebody" she
atatp aI ~ ro%k cI,. IL
very houfe: 81 hope it is the Canon"
''It sounds like it," said Litton, ''unless
it's new kind of fog horn"
There are some people so unhappily con-
stituted that they will make joke of any
thing, however serious.
1t was not the Canon, but telegram
from him, dated apparently from the mid
die of Hyde Park. ''Wc have lost our way"
it said, "and Heaven only knows when we
first office, which may be either at Kensing-
ton or Hoborn Hill. We hope you will
have no other defections.'
\ "A good Christian man," cried my wife
with pathos; show little he knows the real
state of the caser's A8t
"And how little he cares if he only gets
home," observed Litton; for my part, / call
this very jolly" The champagne had been
handed round earlier than usual to keep up
our oPIlts. II any pouy was W come now III
would spoil the whole thing; they would
not be en- rapport with us; they would be
like the wretcheI people who are asked af-
ter dinner-party ''to look in in the even
ing"
"B:utep murmured my wife. She thought
she was talking to herself, but she wasn't
''No, my dear, it's not Brut, it's Clicquot's
Champagne" said hastily, ''the dry cream
ing which the Colonel likes-by Jove there
is the Colonelp' We heard his commanding
voice in the hall inquirins whether any one
had come, as if he were asking for volun-
teers for forlorn hope; we also heard him,
in reply to the answer which was given
him, exclaim contemptuously: "Oh, only
himp'
We knew that Litton and the Colonel
were acquainted, but we did not know with
what reciprocal cordiality they hated each
other.
swell, Pm glad the Colonel's come" said
my wife. "He's V. c., is he not Mr. Lit
ton?''
"If he is it stands for Very Cantankerous,"
replied that gentleman acidly; che often
gets cross enough, but he has never sue
ceeded to my knowledge in getting the Vic
tora Cross"
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