Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-11-16
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

IL lS only aIGer lOuS rouoCClOn CnaC
go to an entertainment with any young
man" said the maiden to her mirror.
The best railway for a bridal trip
The Union Pacifc.-Boston CONNER
c5Gt Bulletin.
A aAMEoooK ought to be good eating.
Does not the poet say :" the bravest are
the tenderest ?"-Bo8ton Courier.
AN old negro cook says: "Sass is
powerful good in everything except
children. Dey needs some other kind
O. dressin'."
"MAN," says the London Lancet,
"was intended to eat slowly" Well.
who the blazes has been eating them
fast?-Bostoaa Post.
A POLICE court is a very accommo-
dating place to transact business. If
you haven't the money to pay cash, the
judge generally gives you time.
"YoUR handwriting is very bad,
said gentleman to a public official.
eyes" he replied, "but don't you see,
if were to write better, people would
find out how spell ?"
Chow do you review books that are
sent you?" the publisher asked the edi-
tor. "Oh," the editor said, "we read
the title, look at the binding and guess
at the book"
DIR. TANNER and several other enter
prislng scientists seem to have demon
strated that is possible for man to live
without food. If some genius will show
that he can also live without sleep he
will have solved the other hard problem
In newspaper Efe.-N0shUilte World.
ScENE-a butchers stand. Butcher:
"Come, John, be- lively now; break the
bones in Mr. Williams chops, and put
Mr.. Smiths ribs in the basket for him.
John (briskly) Gall right, sir, just as
soon as have sawed off Mrs. Murphy's
Leg"
MR.. PATRICK MULDooN was consider
ably disappointed after he had bought
his tickets for Othello, at Booths
theatre. "Bedad, said he, as he walked
down Twenty Third Street, 81 thought
it was O'Donovan Rossi, so I did. .
Puck.
THE hook of Chicago angler caught
in the collar of dead man, and he pulled
the body to the shore and went up town
and told that he had caught corpse
weighing 900 pounds. The force of
habit will crop out under the gravest
circumstances.-Free Press.
The Binghamton Republican says:
eff you do not keep inviolate your fam
lily affairs, why should you expect others
to do it for yon?' Violet's very good
color for family affairs, but it is best to
keep them dark, or at all events, In
shady or neutral tints.
IT was Saturday night IN Leadville.
Six rough miners were playing poker
But as the clock struck the hour of IL,
proclaiming that the Lords day had
come, with one accord they threw down
the cards and left the saloon. They
went across the street to see a dog
fight.
"YoU were not riding this afternoon,
were you, Cicely, my dear?" inquired
her intimate last evening. Ono. Don't
you think my dear little pony has the
pinkeye?" "Isn't that dreadful! And
a dark-red pony, at that. How unbe-
coming to his complexion ''-N. II.
Reg.
"IF you want your hens to increase,
keep your hen-house clean,' says
northern poultry journal. No necessity
for it down here Some enterprising
darkey usually clean out the hen-house
for you, but the number of hens is not
increased, but rather on the contrary.
That rule won't work in this climate.
Texas SIftiaags.
THERE are two farmers in Rockland
whose properties adjoin. One of them
raised full crop of potatoes IN certain
field, while his neighbors field, on the
other side of the fence, produced not a
potato. This singular circumstance is
explained by the fact that the latter did
not plant any potatoes In the field in
question.
At trial of a criminal case the pris-
oner entered plea of "not guilty"
when one of the jurymen at once stood
up. The judge informed him that he
could not leave until the case was tried.
"Tried, repeated the juror in astonish-
is not guilty Pa.
The Scotch, it is said, are in the habit
of pinching each other in the sides when
ever they wish to call friends atten-
ton to their jokes. The other day a
Scotch nobleman, provoked at one of
his hunting companions for not laugh
ing at one of his jokes, poked him so
severely as to break one of his ribs.
This was new KIND OF side splitting
joke.
Mrs. TRULYRURAL has benin the city
with her daughter to arrange for the
vocal instruction of the young lady. She
has not yet engaged teacher, and is
now in terrible state of perplexity.
"Tbe first professor said, she explained
to Mr.. T. on her return, % that Almira
sings too much with her borax. If she
keeps on she will get digestion on the
the lungs. He said she ought to try the
aoominable breathing and practice SOL
fudgery. Then the next teacher told me
that she ought to sing more with her dia-
gram and not smother her voice in the
sarcophagus. Then the next he poked a
looking glass down her throat and said
that the phalanx was too small and the
typhoid bone and the poTyglotis were in
bad way, and never knew that Almira
had so many things down her throat, and
I'm afraid to let her sing any more for