Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1881-07-29
IN 4 NUTSHELL.

PINK and white glass makes more at
tractiye luncheon display than silver
or porcelain. In Chicago the main
thing Is TO have the liver and bacon
well done and the tiies dredged out of
the butter.
Il am waiting. my darling, for thee"
he warhled; and the old man threw up
chamber window and assured HIM
that he'd be down in q minute" he
lost his grip on the melody and went
out of the waiting business.
$50 You enjoyed your visit to the
menagerie. did you ?" inquired young
man Of his adored ones little sister.
''oh, yes. And do you know we saw
camel there, that screwed its mouth and
.,eyeS around awfully; and sister said il
looked exactly rs you do when you re-
cite poetry at the evening parties"
The Oil City Derrick has hit upon
very simple way Of letting the public
know NJ all hours of the day or night
the Presidents condition. Ii keeps the
American flag flying. and its height on
tie staff shows whether the latest bul-
letinS are cheering or otherwise.
! \ Californian who tied one end of
rope around his waist and laSSoed
COW with the other. reports that 'at
inst that he thought he had the cow.
but at the end of the first half mile he
became convinced that the COW had
him.
Always acknowledge courteSies III
kindly spirit. Throw boquet and 4
card Of thanks 10 serenadins party.
If NOT prepared 10 invite them in. If
You haven't a boquet or u card, throw
a boot-jac& or brick.
According To Professor Swing. .'the
coming man will be chaSte, merciful,
Just, generous, charitable, large heart
ed. sweet-tempercd. Christian, II good
nelghhor and a faithful citizen. What
4 nice time the coming woman will
have.
n Clergyman was once forced 10
say to congregation that preSisted in
depositlng buttons in the contribution
box: "Brethern who wish To contri-
butte buttons will please not hammer
down the eyes, for while that process
does not increase their value Ms coin it
does impair their usefulness as buttons.
Boston Post
short time since two young ladies
near Camborwen were accostcd by Il
gypsy woman, who told them that
for n shilling each She would show
them their husband $ faces in pail of
water, which, being bought, they ex-
claimed: I'VE only see our own faces
well, said the old woman, "those
faces Will be your husbands when You
are married"
An assassin is defined by Webster rs
"one who kills, or attempts To kill. 10y
surprise or secret assault" To aSsassi-
nate IS Ito kill, or attempt TO kill" etc.
Assassination, Of course, is ''the act
OF aSSaSSlnatlng, that is, the act of kill
lng or attempting 70 kill Gmteau is,
therefore, an assassin, and President
Garfield was assassinated, whether he
survives or not.-Comacd Bluffs Non
Gr6i
The noble st. Bernard dog is doomed
to extinction, ut least as the friend and
reScucr of the poor foot traveller over
the St. Gothard. In n few months the
heneticent and timc-honorcd hospicc
vii! be closed The railway under the
gigantic Alps will draw all wanderers
away from the mountain road, for the
poorest peddler pursuing his little
commerce between Italy and Switzer-
land, and the most destitute searchcr
after employment far from home. will
rather pay his small railway fare than
risk the avalanche and the weary walk.
80 ends great Catholic charity. one of
the most beautiful, brave and self-sac-
rliiclng which the world has ever seen
Jacob Schaflcr, of Rochester, heard
u bird song iii his yard the other dav,
and on looking after this warbler dis
covered that IL was his cat which,
stretched on the ground, was Initiating
bird notes, while on the lawn, Il short
distance from the sweet singer, Il robin
was hopping, fascinated, towards the
cat.-Nec York IribuRe-A man III
Chicago heard n song in his yard the
%nrcTr fI Tght a thlaa9p hlaa9pkpg ws aSr thf
while III the air, short distance from
the sweet singer, four boot-jacks. part
of wash-board, and three hrooms
were flying, fascinated, toward the cat.
"When we are married, Lucy, dear
sald the poor mans son To the rich
mans daughter, "our honeymoon
shall be passed abroad We will drive
IN the Bois, promenade the Prada.
gaze down into the blue waters of the
the Adriatic from the IL;alto, and en-
JOY the Neapolitan sunsets, strolling
along Chiaja." "How delicious" she
murmured, "but, John, dear have YOU
money enough To do all this ? for pa saws
| mustn't expect anything till he dies"
Johns countenancc underwent such
change that she couldn't help asking If
he felt sick. "No, darling" he answer
ed ialntly, II am not sick. | was think
ing we had better postpone the marri-
age until after the funeral"
The United States statues provide tie
following punishment for an an attempt
10 kill within the District of Columbia:
Every person convicted Of man
slaughter, or Of any attempt to kill,
shall be sentenced 70 suffer imprison-
ment and labor for the first oiIense for
n period not less than two nor more
than eight years, and for the second of
Tense for a period Of not less than six
nor more than fifteen years.
"Well, Charley, what are You read
ing?" said father to his son last Sun
day.
ooh, Pm reading Daniel in the
Lions Den"
Father goes over and picks up the
book and finds il is dime novel called
"Pete Jones in Africa"
"Why," said he, "this is dime
novel"
"No, pa, that's only the revised Of
Daniel in the Lions Den "-Puck
Man is noble creature. He will
come down town and expend quarter
alta barber shop for shaving and per
fumery. He will spend as much or
more on n game or two Of billiards, get
his boots BACKED, buy quarters worth
Of cigars, a plug Of tobacco and glass
Of ale. He carries home little paper
bucket Of ice cream, and helps to eat
it. The cream shows that ne is ever
ready to deny himself, and he never
forgets his darling little wife.