The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1881-03-29
TOO MUCH RELIGION.



A tramp hummed the above to him
self to a Pirates of Perxsnce,' air
As he stool at tine north end Of tn
Monongahela bridge. and the chill
winds of autumn wbistled through tn
apertures in his careworn ulster.
MY frienG, observed a sympathiz
ing reporter. "tbs world seems {,
have gone hard with you"
cit has," returned the tramp, wip
ing away . tear with the tail of hi.
ulster, 1T has. | am u ruined man.
II should judge %" said the scribe
''You wouldn't guess what ruinet
me" remarked the tramp. He dove
into his pocket, probed out u toby
stump, ignited it, took a puff and
gazed gloomily in the direction o.
Sligo.
"Boozes" suggested tbs scribe.
ono"
"Mother-in-law?"
"No; never was married"
"Chuck-luck, poker, faro, wine.
women"
"None of those"
"What them"
The tramp daintily knocked the
ashes of his toby with his little finger.
and Withdrawing his gaze from Sligo
fastened it on the reporter. He had
a sort of sunburnt mustache. and, like
Monsieur Regand, his mustache went
up and his nose came down as he
said:
TOO much religious training"
Tell me about it'-and the scribe,
Offering the tramp q cigar from his
scanty horde, drew him to the MOnon-
gahela House steps, where the tramp.
gathering his ulster about mis- attenu-
ated legs, spoke as follows between
whi6s of his cigar. blowing the smoke
through his nose in the most intense
enjoyment:
Il had the misfortune To he born
of poor but religious parents. Ny
father was a stern old Covenanter;
he is a stern old Covenenter yet.
One of his ideas was that boy should
work all the time and never have any
sport or relaxation. He had never
heard of that beautiful sentiment, All
work and no play makes Jack a dull
boy, and if he had heard it he would
have paid no attention to it. He
was hard old customer" Here the
tramp appeared to be gazing down the
dim vista of years, and, as he chewed
down the end of his toby vigorously,
he continued:
Eyes, the old man was a religious
bigot he was Puritanical sort of q
cuss, and l have 20 respect for him.
L dislike to say that, but the truth
must be told"
While our reporter was admiring
the regard the tramp had for truth,
that person said:
81 will tell you the simple story Of
my life. Did you ever go to a coun-
try church ?"
Never went to any except ON biz
10 report a sermon
"Well, l did. Was, may say,
to 60. The old man. you
zee, used to follow me up with club
and had to do it. That is the reason
why religion never looked pleasant to |
me. l always associated it with a !
amount OF misery. / |
remember the preacher in the little
church to which / used to go. |
BE had a corn OH his pack and 4
rack 10 his voice, and he never
preached anything but hell aud dam
nation. That wasn't very pleasant
or a sensitive boy like l was. You
zee, | didn't have much fun in this
world, and l hated to be told that l
would most likely be downed IN the
lext. Have you another toby"
Eyes" and the reporter gave him
me.
The tramp ignited it and pro-
,eeded:
my mother died when l was a
mall kid, and the old man ruled me
With a rod Of iron of the Presbyterian
rider. He was q penurious rooster
nd used to make me 20 two miles to
sunday school in my bare feet for fear
would wear out my shoes. One time
70 paralyzsd me by giving me three
ents to spend as l pleased. The rec
lection of that three cents il the one
right spot Of my life. and l have
ever been able to discover what &C.
asioned this squirt of generosity on
is part. You can imagine that there |,
as not q vast amount of hilarity iu
" early career. The old man was
He had . Presbyterian
lea that it was q good thing to whale
II the children every Saturday night,
! order to get their minds into the
roper religious frame for the follow q
g Sunday. 1t was a good thing for
i'm, too, because be had the dyspep- !
q, and the exercise occasiODed by u
,e whaling process was beneficial to |:
i'm. but it produced in the minds of b
> brothers and sisters and myself a G
aBtagonism to the church =
at We felt was the cause Of all our q
onble, and from which none Of US o
'er recovered. We are all infdels." n
He looked like ali infidel. The q
porter asked him if he would have y
'omethin, e and hesaid he would. b
e was invited to bostelrie hard by u
d, by the dimensions of the drink q
! absorbed, the writer fel: that he e.
d not tasted liquor for sixteen {,
ousand years. q
.'Do you know, said the tramp, az Il
wiped off his mustache. "that a
ten think l am like Adam ?" c'
why" n
Because Adam never Was a boy, hl
d. in point of fun l never was Q
'. Nv bOyhood DAYS were IN alb Ia