The People's vindicator. [volume] (Natchitoches, La.) 1874-1883, 1881-09-10
The Missionary frank.

ravages or the professional baggage
smasher is problem which hasengagea
the thoughts OF our wisest and noblest
men. They have tried every material
of which p trunk can be made. some
have IMAGINED that the heavier ard
stronger the trunk the more difficult it
will be to smash it, and hence trunks
have been made of oak and zinc and
IRON, and have been built so large that
in many cases it would be easier to put
q country cottage into trunk than the
trunk into the cottage. Others, again,
have conceived the idea that safety lies
in the lghtness Of trunk, and have
provided themselves with trunks made
Of basket-work or canvas. In neither
case has the fiendish purpose of the
basgage-smasher been thwarted. In
the touching language Of the New Eng
land Primer, he smashes all both great
and small, and at the end of railway
journey there is nothing to choose be-
tween the wreck of the big iron trunk
and the small basket-wOrk trunk.
The truth is the inventors of trunks
have shown an unscientific want of grasp
of their subject. They have failed to
notice the peculiar method in which the
baggage. smasher works. He does not,
as many persons imagine, smash trunks
to pieces with an AK or crow-bar.
Neither does he break the locks with a
hammer and dance on the lids until
they collapse. All his smashing is done
by the simple process of throwing trunks
from one place to another. He throws
them from the baggage car to the plat
form, and when moving them from
one place on the platform to
another be. has peculiar way of
giving them q rotary motion on their
corners which infallibly breaks locks
and hinges and tears all the joints asun-
der. What is wanted in trunk-making
is not q material, such as iron, which
will for q time resist the blows OF an Ak,
neither do we want to build trunks of
excessively large size, inasmuch as they
will fall all the more heavily when they
are pitched from the baggage-car. We
need to build in such way as to coun-
teract the plan pursued by the baggage
smasher; that is to say, to build trunks
which cannot be thrown about or whirled
around on their corners. This is the
scientific way Of setting about the solu-
ion Of the problem, and it was in this
way that the inventor Of the ''mission-
Sry trunk" arrived at the result which
must sooner or later make him famous.
This benefactor of mankind has de-
yised a trunk, which is practically inca
pable of being smashed, and which at
The same time teaches most useful les
son to the baggage-smssher. The
missionary trunk" is built upon
framework Of hall finch iron bars, which
extend along each Of its twelve edges.
This gives enormous strength just where
It is most needed, and enables the in
ventor to use light wood as the material
for the sides, ends, top, and bottom OF
the trunk. At each of the eight corners
Of the trunk an end Of one Of the iron
bars Is prolonged, SO that it projects
lburinches beyond the trunk and termi.
nates ia sharp point. It is this system
otspik1 suhich IS the chief merit Of the
missionary trunk and which consti'
tufosits usefulness. IN
It's evident that if this trunk is thrown
from a baggage-car it must strike the
yattorm with ct least one Of its spikes,
This, of course, Injuries the platform
and brings the baggage-smasher intt
cOnhics with the railroad company. Or
il the trunk is thrown into q baggage
car ar ON the deck OF q steamboat, The
IRON spikes at once cut, tear, and destroy
the wood with which they come in CON
tact. Moreover, i the baggage-smashel
tries to roll the missionary trunk" or
iits corners, he not only tears the. plat
form, hut he infallibly lacerates either
ghis legs or bis wrists, and is thus lorci
sNlytaught the wickedness Of baggage
smashing. 5so
The inventor has put his invention Il
r. most thorough and satisfactory test
! He started last May from this city. and
Road returnine by he New YORK Cen
MI. H. the ststion in JERSEY CITY. thu
missionary trunk tore up the plat
form to such IN extent that q porter
wss Instantly dismissed from the SER
~ nnnI vas throvn ont al the bag
s,os.oar. and. strikinr : ooniederste 8,
IA bscrsrs.sns1her. trsnsaxed hi.
I ioot vitSe : snike ma made him ( erin
! 81 ior I;ia AZ Chicaco two arSIsher,
- ia4sil, vnurded 81 TIA hanalcan
f,nnh ma - them dvino h orest aoon,
M ionr inchss a. apike 6ieroine ii;
akull. and 4 Cleyeland : piatform Va!
s hs1lv dsmsoed nm ia oompan,
liachar4ed : ha1oaoe.1naster snd fon1
pSrssrs a. Bn}is]o vells Of anenisl
NM the station q The baepaee.smash
vho tried to RON the 9 missionar,
tIenkr On ia corner. fa|t The spike
X A--s-A -. ~ - q. ~ AZ -