Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1881-06-18
MISLED BY A PATTERN.
lFrom the Brooklyn Eagle.l

els there any truth in this story
that Mr.. Garfield has killed Senator
Conkling 2" inquired Mrs. Spoopem-
dyke, fitting the sleeve into the arm
hole and running i'll the basting.
"Nop calculated Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "Where'd you get that? Mr..
Conkling has resigned, but he amt
dead"
I read that he had got into some
difficulty with Mr.. Garfield, and Mr..
Garfield had dragged him all around
by the ear, and finally they had 10
take Mr.. Conkling away to save his
life, though he died afterward."
"Who said so ?" demanded Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Where'd you read
anything like that 2'
81 read it on a pattern that Mrs.
Winterbotham loaned me for All over
skirt. Pm cure it's so." replied Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
"Get the PATTERN" said Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. "Show it to mel"
Mrs. Spoopendyke unrelled the
pattern and commenced to read:
"The complications at Washington
have assumed the most exciting shape.
To-day the troubles between Garfield
and Conkling eliminated by Conk-
ling seizing him by the throat and
holding on while the crowd yelled
with delight. Twenty to one was
offered, but Garfield remnins firm
and declares that the administration
will not yield. This position aroused
the crowd to frenzy. 1t is said that
Conkling really desires to retire to
private life, but Garfield at that mo.
nj
adversary's ear and dragged him
around until the friends of Conkling
were compelled to interfere to save
the poor things life. He was taken
home, but died in few minutes"
"There! said Mrs. Spoopendyke,
triumphantly. 81 told you so."
"Show me ~ said Mr.. Spoependyke,
jumping up and seizing the pattern.
"Where dye find such dod gasted
nonsense as that? Where is p
"There, it begins under the rufde,
then it runs over on the band and
down on the gore, and ends here OH
the plating. I knews I'd seen it,"
and Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled pleas.
antly.
"What's the matter with you, you
measly idiot ?' howled Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke. "This is where you get your
political information, is lt2 THIS ls
the source of your intelligence on ma.
tlonal affairs ALI you want is two
more patterns and bald head to be
a constitutional lawyerl Three over.
skirts and pair of spectacles would
make you supreme court Judge
What dye think that is 2"
"Isn't it rightP'' faltered Mrs
Spoopendyke. "Did you read it from
the ruff1e over to the band and dowl
to the gore"
"Yes, l did, didn't L 2" sQueaket
Mr.. Spoopendyke, "and so did you
didn't you? Do you know wha
you've got here :"
'Isn't it a pat"
"Dod gast the pattern--I mean tn
print! Part of it is about Garfield
part abont Conkling, aud the rest i
dog fight out oil Long Island. Know
what it is now? Think you can un
derstand it, now I've explained it t,
, you? Oh! you canl You've go
brains Some day Pm going to rul
. pipe in your ear, and start phos
phorus factory" and Mr.. Spoopen
dyke danced out of the room, leavin!
it strewn with pattern dust.
81 don't care" sobbed Mrs. Spoop
endyke, sit read all right, and tn
skirt fitted so nicely that supposed
the articles were put together straight
, And it was so perfectly natural any
body might make the same mistake
It's 80 like most of the news from
Washington that I've been expectin,
it every day." and Mrs. Spoopendyk
overcast the sleeve, with the seren
conviction that after all you've go
to patch newspaper into patterl
to get at the actual facts sometimes