The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-08-04
QartetU.
VARIETY SCRAPS.

A blacksmith is always on strike-.when he Is
not blowing
A man, who was formerly a night watchman,
refers to 1t as his "late occupation"
When CaSsim forgot the talismanic "open, Sc.
same" he was grain out the way.
This is an age Of enterprise, as the aborer re.
marked when he inserted his crowbar under the
edge Of iag.sone.
Welshman claimed that nobody could truth.
fully deny that his Countrymen are men Oiletters
-"for," said he, lust see row many Of 'em we
get into ole word."
Here, waiter, this salmon isn't nearly as fresh
as that we had on Sunday" mot as fresh as that
you had on Sunday, sir Must be, sir Same
salmon sir
One Of our young ladies who keeps an auto
graph album for males 81 IN atures refers to it as
her hymn book"
There is a difference between the lips Off young
man and the lips Of a young lsdy-but sometimes
1t is mighty small one,
1! is easier for camel to pass through the eye
Of needle than for a man Of any kind to kiss a
woman who wears poke bonnet
The young man who wants to get up with the
sun must not sit up too late with the daughter.
The man who went to see the board fence re.
tired when he heard the fence rail and saw tn =
plank walk,
Lots OF people are willing to rob Peter to pay
Paul, only they get tired when their job is half
done. They neglect to pay Paul,
A red haired Engishman says that in his ma.
tive country they called him an "hauburn blonde,
but ERE in HAmerlca they call i'm red. eded
son Of gun.
We notice that Nailr Penn, in his revlvals,
offers up prayers for the press, Why don't he
pray for the sinners2 They are the ones who
need prayers.
Young Lover asks "When is the best time to
travelH When you see the old man and his bull
dog coming round the corner, travel for all you
are worth.
Beecher says that most persons have two codes
of morals-One for public and the other for prl-
Vate life The people will believe him, He
probably speaks from experience.
When Connecticut man is arrested for beating
his WIFE he rolls his eyes and says he did 1t to
please the angel Gabriel. Then the credulous
court calls him insane and lets him go
A drunken Congressman said to Horace Greeley
one day: II selimsde man." "Then, sir"
replied the philosophical Horace, "ths fact re.
lleveS the Almighty Of great responsibility"
1hele was young man from the Mission
Who spental his Sundays fshin';
He said Hades for He'll,
When they didn't bite we'll,
For he read the Revised Edition.
Cincinnati Saturday Night
A young lady pupil of high school put on
mass OF false hair, pencilled here eyebrows
rouged her cheeks, etc., and then went to the
commencement and read her essay entitled "De
ception Prevailing Folly"
"Do you see that lovely girl over there Tom ?
Well, she Is called Elaine, after Tennyson's he
roine." "Is she, thought When she is in one Of
hor tantrums should call her Madelaine,"
"Hurry up, barber" said the customer In the
chair; "this soap on my face itches terribly"
"Just have little patience, sir; shall commence
scratching you immediately was the reply.
He loItered at the festival,
A goblet in his fist,
A wishy washy fluid brimmed
The marge his liplets kissed,
Quote he: II wish that could get
A pair Of trousers made
For summer wear as thin as this
Consumptive lemonade"
Probably the meanest man on record keeps a
boarding house in San Domingo Last winter an
earthquake turned the edihce clear upside down,
and the very next morning he began charging
the garret dodgers first aOor prices.
We can never tell what is going to happen in
this world. The girl who is this year working
zepher dogs on young mans slippers may next
year be working half sOles on the old mans
pants.
In the ladies' cabin of the HobOken ferry boats
the following notice has recently been posted:
1.-THE seats in this cabin are reserved for ladies.
Gentlemen will please not occupy them until the
ladies are seated"