Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1881-12-21
PET'TIBOyE,S BURGLAR.
A Thrilling Midnight Adventure.

i am large man. malicious people might call
me fat. and will not deny that | am somewhat
inclined to corpulence. Now know not how
may be with other stout people but. person.
ally, am bound to say like my sleep like
t, too undisturbed, or, rather it would be more
correct to say that think should like it I'M
disturbed, for have come to look upon an I'M
broken nights sleep an ideal blessing.
Jane, on the contrary. is spare in figure and
emnently nervous In temperament. She may
occasionally take little sleep. say may"
for as matter of positive proven fact, I have
never known her to sleep wink IN my life
Now when add that she is addicted to hearing
noises in the night. / leave it to any married
man to estimate the probable number OF
times | have been awakened i'm the course of
twenty-five years of married life, and told in
tragic whisper that - there is somebody in
the house" / refrain from making the esti-
mate myself, as 1 am aware 1 should not be
believed.
Early in my connubal experience was on
several occasions induced by confident asser-
tions and accurate localization of the midnight
intruder to rise and make tour of the house;
look i'm the closets and under the beds OF
late years | have firmly declined to indulge
in such unreasonable and unwholesome eX-
ercise.
Every experienced married man knows that
there are certain pianks i'm every floor certain
bureaus bookcases, and doors in every house
that habituay crepitate; that furthermore they
always choose the night to do it in. / have
often Speculated upon the cause of this. / have
thought that it might be the avenging voice of
the ancient Naiad of the oak: have thou rht
other things needless to be mentioned. but
have arrived at no satisfactory conclusion. The
fact, however. remains Personally. i have no
objection whatever TO these harmless squeakings
and creakin@s: they do not disturb me. But
wife she is dlferent she is of an inquiring turn,
and eninently practical She receives my the
OTiZing with q skeptciSm that borders closely
upon contempt She says that planks and
boards don't squeak i'm the daytime. and that |
needn't tell her" Therefore ! have ceased
to tell her. Only mildly but pertinaciOusly de-
cline to rise and investigate.
As n consequence of this long experience of
these repeated false alarms, it will not be
thought strange that had come to look upon
burglars more or less mythical monsters
things to- be talked about excellent material for
sensational newspaper items, but as beings
FATHER possible than probable. | had, indeed.
Come to regard the whole subject so lightly that
never gave it a serious thought. that omit
ted the commOnest precautions. in which feel
ing of security and indifference | was surely
somewhat justified after being unmOlested
householder for quarter of a century.
But there is first time for everything. A
man may be struck by lightning after having
enjoyed lifetime of thunder storms; so i was
destined to have my first experience of burglars.
an experience. be it said, that has given my
wife an advantage over me which that merci-
less woman will, fear maintain unmpa;red to
the end of life.
1t was several years ago that the circumstance
an about to relate occur red so that can now
speak of it quite calmly and with temperance
and caution that insures accuracy. i should
premise that there had been many accounts in
the newspapers at the time of the dOings of bur
glars in our quarter Of the city in fact the air
was go filled with these sensitive reports that it
furnished the staple of conversation.
oil %l,sc - TO-
a. also to the ears of robust, but excitable
swedish young woman whom we had in the
kitchen. This latter parsonage, indeed had be-
ecme so abnOrmally alarmed upon the subject
that it was only with the greatest difficulty that
We could keep her from escaping back to her
native Scandinavia.
1t was one cold, dark night in winter re-
member it we'll l had been i'm bed two or
three hours. / was sunk in that first deep.
refreshing sleep of the night, every moment
of which is worth its weight in gold q charm,
aspell, which once broken. lost, OF disturbed,
could not be recalled i'm all the after night
j was revealing. / say. in this sweet precious
oblivion, when suddenly felt my wfe's elbow
may say in passing do not know much of
anatomy, but my wife's elbow has always
seemed to me phenomenally sharp. Aroused
to Semi-cOnsciOusness / threw out in silence
defence-guards of insensibility. deafness and
phlegnatc Indifference. which. as usual proved
of no avail Repeated and vigorous applica-
lions OF a pointed bone to any part of the
negative resistance as feigned Inconsistencies.
] was forced at last to acknowledge the signal
BY an inarticulate grOan
'.Phander,"
.'Hm-m."
Get up. quick; there's somebody in the
room,'
"Fudee.''
''There is. tell yOu,''
"All right
IF you don't get right straight up. I'll
scream,n
500 ahead'
"Therei u you hear that
To my establishment did hear a faint sound
Ike the rustling or moving of clothes For the
nrst time In many years started up and sprang
out Of bed.
By powerful Imagination my feelings NAV
perhaps DE feebly conceived, when 1 say that I
struck full against the form of living man
cropping his way along by the side of INV bed
Inc shock Knocked the burglar down: he ut
tered an involuntary grOan as he sank under
the weight OF my avOirdupOis and nv wife ut
tered screams that with favorable direction
Hall. wy
The situation now was critical NAV saw
am not coward. but have nerves AMI sensi-
hiiities that are susceptible to outside intiu-
ences. have prejudices against being chased
by mad bull, run away with by frantic horse
or against storming a battery. There are things
would rather do than fight duel or have a
tooth out. and So l will at once admit that did
not find it at all agreeable tackling burglar i'm
the dead of night in the confusion incident
upon sudden aWaking from sleep and with
the expectation of feeling every moment an up-
ward thrust of cold steel on some part of my
exposed person.
For a few moments did what was certainly
the wisest and safest thing to do sat till upOn
the struggling burglar, holding him cutched
firmly with both hands
Directly my courage and presence of mind re-
turned: became sensible that I Vas stronger
than he: accordingly turned about, throttled
him and overpowered his hands,
now felt that he was slighter much less
powerful man than i, and at once became as
tonishinsly bold l pumped him down in a
chair; L shook him; gave him some vigorous
advice and then set about dressing myself pre-
Paratory to taking him in triumph to the station
house. i had got as for as my trowsers; had
thrust one leg into that bifurcated garment;
poised the other to follow suit. The burglar
saw his chance. He jumped up and darted
from the room. He was right. If there was an
awkward. ridiculous, helpless. exasperatine
moment for haste i'm a mans lite it is when half
way into his trOwsers- i kicked and plunged