Connecticut western news., 1881-02-02
THE LIME.KILN CLUB.
A Case Where Honesty was Re-
 warded.

THE LIME.kILN CLUB.
 A Case Where Honesty was Re- warded.
 "De odder day." began the Gnu man, as seventy eight members took their seats and turned their faces toward his desk, "one ob our race applied fur posishun in bizness house heah, an dey sent fur me to ax about his charac- ter. Now, what q ye 'spose dey wanted to know? Dey didn't ax me if he wore good cloze. Dey didn't ax if he had box in de pos'ofis. Dey didn't ax if he could run party, drive a fas' horse, play poker, tally pollyticks or lead de choir in church. What dey axed was |: Am dis man squar' an honest ? I tole he Eas, and he got de place. Now let dis case be a warnin' to ye all. Frills an' scollops an bows an scrapes may be all werry well in sartin cases, but dey doan' count in bizness. In de furst place be squar'. Have word. Make dat word jist as good as a note. Say what you mean, and mean what ye say. If ye say yell do thus an so, do it, whether ye lose or gam. In de nex' place, be honest. Make no debt ye can not pay. Wrong no man in buyin' or sellin'. Take what belongs to you, an gin what belongs to odders. In dis way de humblest man in de land will command respect an gain friends. We will now attack de reg'lar order O biz ness"
 The string band struck up the air of "Wait for the Wagon" and Sir Isaac passed the bean box at a merry gait. A count of white beans showed the elec- tion of the following candidates
 Jake Harris, Elder Tobias, Lively Smith, Rev. Job Callkins, Deacon Bailey, Ed. Griffith, Col. Speed, Compound Gay, J. Peter White, Bylaw Johnson.
 FOUND WANTING.
 At this meeting the following candi- dates were rejected for the reasons men, toned in connection with their names {:
 Elder James Hardy, of North Caro- lima, was found to be laboring under the charge of selling old lottery tickets to members of his flock.
 Col. Simpson Jones, of Virginia, was found to have been in jail for thirty days, on charge of having six hams in his cellar belonging to 8 neighbor. He claimed that they were placed there by some enemy, but as the family had eaten the largest one down to the bone, tho claim didn't work.
 Maj. Desirous Parker, of Illinois, was foTnd to have collected money for an imaginary colored orphan asylum, and used the same to purchase himself q mule and an overcoat. Every family | should have @ mule, and every man should have an overcoat, but the Lime Kin Club cannot countenance such de- oeption ill procuring them.
 SWEET HARMONY.
 The secretary announced the receipt of the following joint resolution from i the body now in session at Lansing: " That our members in Congress be and are hereby requested to use their influence in Congress for the passage of law to prevent passen- gers on street or railroad cars from oc- cupying more than four seats. | " "Rcso{Ued, That a copy of this reso- 1 In tiOo I,o fI1rpic bo1 tho ,Spoa- k lin Gluh of Detroit, and the assistance of that body be asked for to obtain the desired national legislation on this subject"
 "i had all along hoped for harmony an atliliashun atween de two bodies, '' replied Brother Gardner, "but as dis am de older body, I felt dat it war kinder agin its dignity to make de fust adv ances. De Seckretary will reply to de effeck dat de Lime Kiln Club will be happy to jine in, an he will ford to Lansin' de paper drawed up las even- ing by the Judiclary Committee"
 The paper spoken of reads as follows:
 To CoNGBEss-De Lime Kiln Club of Detroit, supported by de Senate an House of de State Legislashur, do here by.
 Rcsolrc, Dat in our opinyun de art of sawin' wood in de easiest possible m amer has not yit been diskivered.
 Rcsolue, Dat while odder arts have bin fostered an incouraged by be gov ment de bucksaw an de sawbuck have bin looked up on wid cold contempt.
 Rcso1uc, Dat we regard it as de solemn dooty of your body to incourage de inventive genius of dis kentry to spring to de front an grapple wid dis bucksaw problem.
 NATURES WAYS.
 Brother Gardner stated that he was in receipt of the following queries, pro- pounded by the Concord School of Phi losophy "Why do not COWS sit down to rest the same as dogs? Why does a dog turn round few times before he lies down :? Why does a COW get up from the ground hind end first, and a horse fore end first? Why does squir- rel come down tree head first, and a cat tail first? Why does @ mule kick with it's hind foot, and a sheep with its fore foot?"
 "Natur' has her own ways, an he1 ways am k'rect," replied the old man, as he laid the letter aside. "I once lost weeks sleep tryin' to fin out why cats didn't sit on nest for fo'teen days, same as hen, to bring fo tn dar' young