The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-02-18
The Sagacitr Of Animals.

1ne Sagaclty OF AnlmaIss
''I see an item in one of the papers
about dog down in Georgia that stole a
nickel and bought some meat. I like
stories about animals, because I have
some very sagacious animals myself.
Did you ever hear about that striped
bass of mine? [ got him two years ago
up in Pennsylvania. He's the most
sagacious cuss in this worldi''
"Don't think know him, " replied the
city editor, to whom this question was
addressed. ''Is he particularly smart?"
''He done a thing recently that make
some talk in our neighborhood. We had
company for supper one night, and the
cat stole the meat while my wife WASH t
looking. Took it right off the stove.
What do you suppose that fish did? He
just topped out Of his tub and crawled
into that pan, and began to cook him.
self! He didn' propose to have anybody
go away from my house hungry. Ny
wife snatched him out of the pan and
slung him back into the water. Ten
minutes afterward she found him trying
to scale himself with piece of tin.
Fact. And she had to send for more
meat before he'd let up. He's a know
ing one, that bass. A couple OF weeks
ago he had row with the servant girl.
It was her place to feed him with spiders,
and she forgot him for two days. He
didn't say much, but the third day he
began to rare around and tear things.
How do you think he got even with that
grip"
Haven't the remotest idea, said the
city editor.
"Why, he just went and hid some
spoons in her trunk. We missed 'em,
searched her room and discharged her
without character. The way we found
it out was his trying to play the same
dodge on my wife for not allowing him
to sleep In the tea-kettle during the cold
snap. It takes the whole family to get
ahead of that fish Yesterday the water
froze stiff in his tub, and he put up a
danger signal and was skating around ii
on his tail and trying to fall in when we
found him. ] broke the ice for him and
that night he sent me bill for $18, be-
cause the sudden thaw had reduced his
stock and he felt he must raise the price.
I gave dollar for him, and cheap he
was"
Gas I should say" conceded the city
editor.
'He's o remarkable bass. One night,
not long ago, I heard the derndest row
you ever seen. Went down stairs, and
there he was, sitting on the side of a tub,
and class of cockrOaches was reading;
1T is man. Who is the man? Has he
boil on his chin? He has two boils on
his chin. What shall the man dof
Shall he wipe off his chin? The man
shall wipe off his chin That fish had
got hard up and started night-school,
and was making $40 month. Of course,
I had to bust that-couldn stand the
noise. Would you like to publish some.
thing about him? His name is Abelhard
and Heloise.
"What do you call him that for?"
"Cause he likes it, and cause he's all
brains and affection. When was sick g
month ago he took my medicine for me,
and when my son froze his ear that fish
went around with his head bandaged up,
just out of sympathy. We made him a
nice Christmas present, now, you bet!''
"What was it?" inquired the city
editor.
ga rat trap"
"What does he do with rat trap?"
''He sets it and plays mouse. He'll
dart into that trap and holler like bull
till some one let's him out You just
reckon he has fun to himself. He broke
the trap the other day, but he didn't
notice it. So he went in and sat there
for forty-eight hours, waiting for the
spring to catch him. "
"Can't you bring him down and let us
see him?" asked the city editor.
"Well, not exactly" stammered the
stranger "He's buy now and will bt
the remainder of the winter. He's get
ting up the plans for Panama ship
canal. His idea is to put the sea serpen
right across the isthmus and run the
ships down his throat. He's got to swal
low, you know, and when they reach the
Pacific side he cuts open the serpent anC
they sail out Besides that, he's lame.
"Hurt himself?"
eyes. Yesterday morning he was
waking around in the yard, taking sort
of siesta, and he fell, and spralned hl'
knee"
ellis what?" demanded the city editor
ellis fin" said the stranger, correcting
himself. "He fell over a ten-foot fence
and came down on his thumb "
"Do you know you're an awful liar?
asked the city editor.
"No, amt. Haven't I got as much
right to a fish as Georgia man to {
dog? Amt my fish as smart as his pup
Besides, my fish has got bunions and the
spring halt, and he can lick any derneC
dog in the State of Georgia; now, yor
hear me-" and the proprietor of the
Abelhard and Heloise marched away
Offering to bet that his fish could repeal
more bible verses than any cur outside
of Presbyterian orphan asylum for {
hundred to twenty, money up.-Broob
/ Inn EIa02e.