The Arizona sentinel. [volume] (Arizona City [Yuma], Yuma County, A.T. [Ariz.]) 1872-1911, 1881-12-10
Waking the Wrong Man.

twelve, I Judge, | heard some
one step along to the window OF
my boudoir. Hearing it at that
time Of night, l reckoned that
something crooked was going on,
so slid out of bed and got my
great blOod-searcher and liver
purifier, with the new style OF
center fire and cartridge ejector,
calculating to shove tonic irtO
whoever it might be that was
picn;cking about my claim.
| looked out so as to get good
idea where | wanted TO sink on
him, and then l thought'before |
mangled him I'd ask if he had
any choice about which part OF
his. vitals he wanted to preserve,
so sings out to him:
"LoOk out below, there. patd,
ksr Pm going to call the meeting
foAorder in a minute. Just throw
up your hands, if you please. and
make the grand hailing sign OF
distress, or I'Il have to mutillate
you. Just show me about where
rOu'd like to have the fatal
wound, and be spry about it, too,
because Pve got my brief cos
tune on, and the evening air is
chilly "
He didn't understand ME, ap-
parently, for a gurgiing laugh
welIed up from below. and II
party sang back:
"6ello, Fatty! is that you?
Just iOokin' to see if you'd fired
up yet. You know l was to come
round and flag you if second sew
en- was. out. Well, Pve been
Down to the old mans to see
what's on the board. Three is
TWO hcnrs late, and four is re-
ported on time. There's two
sevens out, and two sections of
nine. Skinny'li take out first
even, and Shorty'll pull her
with 102. It's you and me for
second seven, with Timber Jim
On the front end, and Frenchy to
hold down the cabOOse. First
/ i've is upside down in the wash
out this side of Ggalalla; and old
What'S-his-name that runs 258
got his crown sheet caved in and
teIescoped his head light into the
New Jerusalem. You know the
little SWede that used to run eX-
ira for HOtbOX in the emigrant
for a while? Well, he's firing on
258, and he's under two flats and
coal oil tank. with beam across
his coupler, and his system is
more or less relaxed. He's gone
to the sweet subsequently, 100.
Rest of the boys are more or less
dem0ralized, and side tracked
for repairs. Now, you don't
monkey around much, for if you
don't loom up like six bits and
90 out on the track, the old man
will give you a time check and
the Oriental grand bounce. You
hear the mellow thrill of my
bazoO?"
Then ! slowly uncorked the
great bIood-puriter, and, moving
to the foOt-lights where the sill
very moonbeams could touch up
my dazzling outlines, said:
"Pardner, l am pleased and
gratified to know you. | don't
know the first dang busted thing
you have said to me, but that is
my misfortune. | am a plain
miner, and my home is in the di-
gestive apparatus of the earth ;
but for professional melody OF
chin, you certainly take the cake.
You also take the cake -baske It
and what cold pie there is left on
the dump. My name is Wool
tick Williams. | discovered the
Frverioh Hornet up on Slippery
Ellum. | am proud to know YOU.
Keep right on getting more and
more familiar with your profess
sion, and by-and-hy, when no
body can understand you, you
will be promoted and respected
and you will at last be sleeping,
car conductor, and revel in the
highest mental calm and wide
shnreIess sea of intellectual stag
nation the world ever saw. You
will"
But he was gone.
Then 1 took the pillow-shau
and wiped some of the pulvt'r
lied crackers o IF the sOleS Of m!
! feet, and went to bed i'm larg'
COB of gloom.