The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-05-11
FLOATING PANOIEs.

1t is a sin to steal-a pin, especially 9 dia-
mond pin.
King John, Of Abyssinia, is about to be
crowned Negua, and is as proud as punch.
Suppose the managers of the Worlds Fair
try giving away q chrome with each presl-
dency.
Justice used to be represented blind-folded,
but according 10 modern style smoked glasses
are the thing. Tho world moves.
Carlyle said George Eliot's writings were
simply dull. The old man preferred clear
vinegar to milk for q regular drink.
The hallucination Of afflicted people who
regard railroad tracks as deaf and dumb asy-
lums is q source Of profit to the coroners.
The late Horace Greeley is reported to have
said that "of all horned cattle, a college
graduate is of the least value IN newspaper
work.
The inhabitants Of the Cannibal Islands
have discovered triching in an American
missionary. This is q sad blow at one Of
the country's leading exports.
eyes, s1r,'' said Gallagher. sit was funny
enough to make a donkey laugh. / laughed
till I cried, = and then he saw 9 smile go
round the room, he grew red in the face and
went away mad.
The Nihilists are not such extremists, after
all. They desire the abolition of Siberia as
q place Of exile for political o%fenses, but are
content to have it set apart for amateur elo-
cutionists and album poets.
Edwin Booth is too deuced exclusive and
a~ristocratic even for the English. They can
not understand it, don't you know. blast
ed plaY-actor, by Joye, keeping as much
H. alone as yun Of the royal family; such pre-
sumption is simply 'orrid.
A young lady who had ordered home 9
pair Of unusually ~high-heeled boots was
flushed By the announcement by Bridget,
fresh from answering the door-bell. If ye
plaise, miss, there's a man in the hall below
wild q pair Of shtilts for yez.
ssRather q nice city" said Bret Harte to q
friend in Scotland as they rode through 9
Scotch town on the cars. sWhat place is
this, anyhow" The friend replied: "This
isGlasgow, where you have been consul for
the last two or three years"
Professor ito the student who writes not
for the masses, but for the educated few:
stYou should write 80 that the most ignorant
of your audience can understand all you can
say" Student (puzzled): "What part Of my
production is not clear to you, sir
Buffalo Bill is not SO great an actor as Sal
vini; but when he dashes upon the stage, kills
seven Indians, puts thirteen to flight, removes
q quantity of scalps lined with red flannel,
and rescues the lovely maiden who is chained
to the stake, the audience appears to be per
feetly satisfied with him,
The rogues who drilled into and blew open
the town safe in Mansfield, the other might,
found, when they had got it open, that i
was not only empty, but unlocked, and they
could have opened the door By Q turn OF tbs
handle. They were so mad and disguised thai
they wondered why they didn't die.
No, we. are not q Candidate for the Consu
late at the. Observation-Disclosures Ghalba. w
were, we admit that. But, learning that tha
last Consul was served up on toast at . Stat'
dinner, while the one before him was serVet
raw at al informal lunch, we have withdraw
our acceptance Of the appointment, in orde
10 relieve President Garfield from compiled
ting appointments.
A talented family: The Mcspillikins fam
iy is one OF the most fashionable in Calves
ton. The old man, however, is not % nc
as he ough. 70 be, but the rest Of the. tamil
ii highly accomplished. Somebody va
snaak;ne Oh them the other dlay, ana % s
naked how they all played On some Ins'ls
nent. aVhat does the old laay play :
asked 3 b~y-staud1er." She plays % . aas p'a ~.
asaaa the Youngest daughter ? she pla,
!, M l.arn.s sslAnd the mex oangn1e1'