Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-12-14
FUNNYGRAPHS,

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other talks all the time. and twelve
wise men condemn the man who has not
said word.
NATURALIST: Can wolf become fond
of man? He can, and would Just as
soon have him raw as cooked. Boston
Post.
ELEPHANTS are now quoted at 81, 100
each, but most people would rather have
a 81. SO turkey, even If it won't last
quite as long.-BostOn Globe.
A DUBLIN newspaper contains the fol-
lowing: 81 hereby warn all persons
from trusting my wife, Ellen Flanagan,
on my account, as I am not married to
her."
A FOOL and his money are soon parted,
but a fool and his friends are not. He
invariably fingers at the open door until
every member of the family has caught
cold Phjtadela1h50 Neays.
JONES'" What did you think of nv
argument, Fogg?" Fogg-"It was
sound-very sound, Zones is delighted)
Nothing but sound, in fact" Jones
reaches for brick.
AN English lady sent to New York
music dealer for late American produc-
ton of music. The latter at once made
a very careful selection and sent it over
ture. -PlainfeM Bulletin.
Chow is your husband this afternoon.
Mrs. Quiggs ?" "Why, the doctor says
as how if he lives till mornin' he shall
have some hopes for him; but if he don't,
he must give him up.
CT KNOW victim to tobacco" said a
lecturer, "who hasn't tasted food for
over thirty years. Chow do you know
he hasn't?" asked an auditor. "Be-
cause tobacco killed him in 1850"
emo" said the plumber to his assist
ant, "Harry isn't much of workman,
but he's profitable man for me. He's
such masher that the cooks will keep
the water pipes frozen all the time SO as
to have him around. '-Bostoaa Post.
A CLERGYMAN in Scotland preached
few weeks ago from the text, eff We do
not repeat, We shall likewise perish"
The wife of a farmer, who was present,
went home and told her husband that
the text was eff you do not pay rent,
you shall leave the parish. -EIrch0aage.
WAS it mere carelessness or malice
aforethought that made Mecklenburg
minister choose the text: 'Father, for
give them, for they know not what they
do, at wedding between a sexag enarian
lover, thrice left widower, and blush
ing widow of sixty-fve?
LORD ELLENBoRoUGH once said to
barrister, upon his asking in the midst
of boring harangue: els it the pleas
ure of the court that I proceed with
my statement?" ''Pleasure, Mr..
-, has been out of the question for
long time, but you may proceed. y
A MEMBER of the rhetorical class had
just finished his defamation when the
professor said: "Mr. -, do you sup
pose a general would address his soldiers
in the manner you spoke that piece?"
Eyes, sir, 1 do" was the reply, ''if he
was half scared to death and as nervous
as cat"
A YOUNG friend in California writes:
"My little brother, having heard the
barren spots in the fields called 'alkali
spots, came to mother one day, while an
old bald-headed man was visiting here,
and said in loud whisper: Mamma,
that man has an alkali spot onhis head. ,"
A PHILADELPHIA lady was about en-
gaging a servant-a waitress. "What
wages do you ask?" she inquired.
"Well,' responded the girl, meditative-
Iy, "three dollars and half a week if
I'm expected to pass round the dishes,
and three dollars if the family stretch
for themselves.
This is the season Of the year when
people begin to get up set Of socia,
bles. The young men appointed to
manage may as well set aside a little
money every week to use In making up
the deficiency caused by other folks fail-
ing to pay. Then they'll have the
money ready next spring.
SUCH is fame: A conversation over
heard the other day: She'd: Sheri-
dan or Knowles write "The School for
Scandal p He-Why, Knowles, Of
course. Sheridan was general il the
army, you know, and never wrote any.
thing. Didn't you ever hear about lis
marching through Georgia? She-Oh,
l remember now, but always get these
two men confused.