The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1881-08-25
WAITS

Old maids are describe ~ "rmb,rs
rom which the sparks have led
Why is a snanlLhilts DlrA liku o
jhunlurcl0ud9 BccAu3e II 10 Hbn int
ally lightning.
"Altohul win cllan silver" Yes.
alcohol we'll stueS 10 viii clean out oil
tie silver you hay 90
Mover run up smp lobts Crodi-
tors arc like small chill lrn, tho small
or they nrn the m ire tIpy cfv.
Adam Is the p tron saint OF tho West
ern pork raisers, because he had the
first spare rib.
BY % mother-in-law You can de-
cuiva your guilelesS little wife, young
man, but her fathers wife -ncyor!'
'Ts unfair TO take advantage of
man without front teeth by calling him
a buck-btcr.
A cynical old bachelor says that "lov-
ers are like armies they ret along well
cnou gh till the engagement begins"
"ElrphanC' is The name Of Town in
Colorado, an it Il 50 built that it is
hard 10 determine wnich is the tail
eld
Some geoiogists have coatradicted
Moses; hut aS all geo'ogi,ts have con-
tradicted each other Moses stan Is
about rs we'll rs anybody.
Comets are getting so plentiful these
days that one can % out almost any
fair night and PICK up a basSotful Of
new ones.
An lrishmau who was found guilty
OF stealing coffee, was asked by the
magistrate what he did with IL, "Mado
tay with it, was the reply.
Hotel clerks profess to have great
nerve, but not ono OF them Is bold
enough to have the diamonds cut out Of
his bosom,
When You hear everybody speak i'll
Of man, yOu can cpnC'u le he is a base
ball umpire or has got into anics berth
which everybody else wants.
Jones thinks q man is fortunate who
has his will contested after death only.
lie says his will has been contested ey-
or since no welded NJ s. Jones.
Il may be we'll To- sta'e, for the in
formation Of amateur artists, that plas-
ter casts Of royal perspnagos arc not
madG of court plaster.
Cone thousand stocking-makers Of
Chcmnil2, SlXOny. arc coming to this
country II this IS not yarn there
must ho something on foot
We have hoard good deal about the
habit girls have OF sitting on ono leg.
It's q very bal one, particularly II tho
leg doesn't belong b. tho young lady,
Some people are fond of praising tho
heart OF oak. But did the heart of an
oak ever feel any sympathy for any
body?
"Wheu first married." said q mid
dle-aged lady, "my husband looked
only for happiness, but very soon no
only found fault.n
A littlO girl In church, after the con-
tribut.on plate had boen passed, COM
placently and audihly said, IL paid for
four, mamma; WIS that rightP'
A man that marrios widow is bound
10 givo up smoking. II she gives up
the weeds for him, he should give up
the weed for her.
Somebody wants &c know what Is tho
bast way to thin out fruit on trees Call
in all tho boys OF the town; they thin
out the fruit fast enough, and thom-
selves too, II they are allowed 10 have
their own way.
The rcd, white and blue tho red
checks, whito teeth and blue eyes of o
lovely girl-are as good q flag as a
young soldier In the battle Of liio can
light for.
"My love, said Boyle 10 his wife,
"Why Is a Laplander like an umbrella
makorP Dye give It upP-'Cause no
derives his support from the rein
dour.n
A lawyer who had most absurd
case submitted to him, on being asked
Il tho action would lie, Onswered' Eyes,
it tho witnos5 will 10 too, but not 9TH
orwlsc,
"Aud how DOCS Charlie Hike going to
schoop' kindly Inquired u good man
~ ll,tln siN-year old boy. ~ Hike go-
in' woll 'uougn,N rapliod the boy ingon-
uously, "brl hn't liko stayin' aitor
git tuur'