Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-03-23
FUNNYGRAPHS,

ENGLISH ladies copy their evening
dresses from pictures OF the last century.
BARREN mountains are not worth as
cent.-Canbridge Tribune.
IT was Connecticut minister whose
salary was $25 year and half the fish
he caught.
WE don't just see why woman should
like her mirror better than man. for a
man will hatter her and the mirror won't.
Boston Post.
JOHN CHINAMAN was pretty level Oh top
the head when he said: s'The man who
will not change his opinions will not
correct his mistakes. -
JONES, who goes to the "lodge"
quite often, says Mrs. J. could give the
Nihilist several points on blowing up
Boston Transcript.
"PAPA, how do editors get in free at
all the shows" "Well, sonny. as a
general rule, they give five dollars worth
OF advertising for twenty-five cent
ticket.
LUCY HOOPER says that French
woman without title is nonentity, IN
less her husband gets divorce from her.
Then she is social star and much sought
after. a rIaes
SOME Delaware doctors tried the eff
fects OF smallpox imagination on a
healthy man. and he knocked three of
them into cooked hats and jumped from
a window.
The Boston Globe makes light of
serious things.
Full many maid has toyed with kerosene
And sailed to glory in gorgeous glare,
Full many man has poked ut glycerine
And flew promiscuous through the desert air.
A GROWING eccentricity is the wearing
upon one arm of innumerable bangles
hung with charms of every description.
and upon the other gold band of mas
sive thickness and prodigious size.
THE coming man will have to be per-
feet in body, brain and nervous system
Mrs. LiUernaore. That is what they
all say; but when he comes with we'll
filed pocket book, the answer is gener-
ally eyes. Philadelphio Meas.
AFTER PUNCH: Dreamy young lady
in railway carriage to cheerful and ex-
ceedingly healthy-looking young man
" Oh, sir, are you aesthetic % "No,
ma'am; I'm butcher. "-NeW York
Commercial advertiser.
Is THERE such thing as love? asks
a poet. We don't know; but we know
there are people who write poetry about
it. And the worst of 1t is that some of
them may go to heaven when they die
W'a1li07nsport (PG.) Breakfast Table.
CHINA DI MURsKA is 81 years old, has
had six husbands, and is poor" Six
husbands are enough to keep any actress
111c l.
do it. And this is the reason Sara Bern
hardt remains single. -Nog-istoaO Her
aid.
COFFEE has risen. Not the berry, but
the king, and the rise is against Eng
gland. Doubtless he has grounds for
doing so.-Detroit Free Press. If he has
mill with England, Coffee will be so
strained that he will probably go up the
spout. "a Baton.
A POOR darkey was in despair at the
immortality of the world. He said:
Moses cut all de commandments wild
chisel in stone, but he broke dem all be-
foah he got down de hill. Den when he
cut new set the chilluen oh Isr1 broke
dem all agin."
The actor who, on the stage, gets of,
have hole drilled into his head and
about quart of oleomargarine poured
into the cavity. The vacuum should be
filed with something, and oleomargarine
is cheap. -No1wistoaOn Herald.
AT Boston they are too truly good and
learned to quote Byron undiluted, and
so have prepared special yer sion Of
one of his best-known poems, as follows:
Maid of Boston, ere we separate us
Give me back my cardiac apparatus.
A cLELGYMAN once, while reading the
burial service came to the place where
he must say, g our deceased brother Cor
sister," He did not know which, SO
turning to a mourner, he asked whether
it was " brother or "sister." The
mourner innocenaly said, '' No relation
at all, sir, only an acquaintance.
WHEN rural editors have to ssstop the
press to announce" or are over-run with
job work, they are likely to mix things.
One of them, speaking of an unfortu-
nate man, says: He was shot without
any provocation About one year pre-
viOus to his removal from this place he
married a poor but estimable Christian
lady. We regret the occurrence exceed
ingly."
BEHOLD the superiority of the Sweet
Singer of Michigan to Tennyson. A
little noise disturbs Tennyson so be
can't think, while the Singer can write
just as good poetry with seventeen chill
dren bawling, hog squealing and cat
fight in progress in the room, as she can
with the most solemn stiffness prevail
lng.-BOstOn Post.
The restaurants have had such run
of custom that some of the walters are
little inattentive. A stranger called
for plate of oysters, and after smelling
them he said: 8" Waiter, are these oys-
tiers fresh 90 eve are not running an
intelligence office" ''I would like to
know If they are fresh Well, then,
eat them, then you viii know for your
self. You don't expect me to eat them
for you. do you? Do / look like l was