davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18
A Mistake.

1t happened in rough mining town
in Colorado. There was grand ball at
the ranch of Whisky Jack, a woil-known
character in the "diggings," and the
"elite " of the district responded to the
call in full force. The party was held
in a rickety old barn belonging to the
host, and what with few red strips of
flannel, grotesque accumulation of
mountain roses and a row of dripping
candles, the appointments of the place
were perfect. My first partner in the
giddy dance was the wife of the man
who killed the village Postmaster be-
cause he refused him a letter she was
fat, fair and forty, and danced with the
grace of COW. My next partner was
the daughter of this charming pair, a
young girl just bursting into the lowell
ness of womanhood she was badly
freckled and sported wart on her nose.
Ny next partner was a blooming grass
widow, fresh arrival and then /
rested. began to comment on new
faces in the room. My companion in
this pleasant pastime was heavy
bearded miner, uncouth, roughly
dressed, tobacco slobbered and very
profane. This WAS our first meeting,
and L hoped it would be the last.
"There goes a hard-looking case, u
1 whispered, as the wife of the man who
killed the Postmaster sailed by. "Shes
bad 'un."
"Yas," replied the man, ed hate
to have the critter step on me. What
an elegant target she would make for q
poor marksman
eyes," said, and turned my eyes
on tall, raw-boned creature sailing
toward us, supported by little man
with sandy whiskers and red-top boots.
"Here comes the boss"
"How?"
"The boss. say; amt she lovely
chimpanzee
"a what 2"
Chimpanzee
He glared at me moment and then
reached for his revolver.
"What is chimpanzee?" he growled
fiercely, his red eyes growing large.
/ saw that 1 had made some mistake
and fastened to explain.
Why-why," stammered, hacking
of, ga chimpanzee is lovely creature
found in Africa-nothing so gorgeously
beautiful as chimpanzee. That is the
highest compliment a lady can receive.
col" and the man looked relieved.
"Y Vas, / think so myself, stranger she
is lovely chimpanzee; she's my wife.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18
Longevity.

M. de Solaville contributes to the
ReVue Scientifqtc valuable article on
this subject, III which he brings together
some Of the most recent data on the sub
ject. He analyses the results of recent
lister of the deaths also by ages. If we
strike mean of the census from 1869 to
1872 we find that Europe exclusive of
Russia, Turkey and some of the small
Southern states) possessed in 1870 a
mean population of 242, $40, $40, classed
as follows from the point of view of adj
vanced ages 1913, 7l5 of more than
60 years, 1913 of more than 80, and
,, los OF more than 100 years; i. e., in
habitant of II of more than 60, in 2, $50
OF more than 80, and l in 62, SOB of more
than 100. Women, NJ. Solaville finds,
are mere numerous IN extreme old age
than men, and the difference increases
with the age. Thus, at go years the adj
vantage is with the women in the pro-
portion of per cent, ut 80 and above it
rises to 10, and with centenarians to 90
per 100. 1t is in France that we find the
greatest relative number of inhabitants
at the age of 60 and upward; but it is
not sp with centenarians, OF which
France has less than all the other states
of Europe except Belgium, Denmark and
Switzerland. From calculation of
deaths by ages the result is reached
that, to the total deaths, those at the age
of 80 and upward bore the following pro-
portions in the countries named, and ar
ranged according to the decreasing order
OF importance: Great Britain, 9.73 !;
Sweden, 739; France, 6.58; Belgium,
6.07; Switzerland, 500; Holland, 4. AZ !;
Italy, 3.76; Bavaria, 3. AZ; Prussia, BOG;
Austria, 2.61. The result is in accord
ance with what we know of the mean age
of the deceased in the same countries.
is great longevity increasing or dimin-
ishing for the same number of inhabi-
tants? We have information on the sub
ject only from France. If we take two
periods sufficiently distant from each
ether to allow a change of any impor-
lance to be produced, we find, in the
fourteen years of the period 1824-37, a
mean annual number of deaths among
centenarians of 152, or l to 217, los in
habitants. In the eight years of the
period, 1853-60, we only fnd mean, an
nual number of IL centenarian deaths in
a population which has increased 20 per
cent. But if great ages appear to have
diminished the mean life has very sensi-
bly, increased, result much more favor
able. a certain number of centenarians
have made known their regimen. Not
withstanding some very rare examples to
the contrary, we must place in the first
rank temperance, sobriety and regular
habits; then come heredity, relative
comfort, the absence Of strong and
pregnant emotion, as far as possible a
country life, and finally a healthy and
quiet calling. Glasgow Herald.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18
A Bourbon AnecdOte.

John J. Crittenden used to tell this
anecdote to illustrate the fidelity of his
people to the "wine of the country"
A leading politician of the State Ken
tucky), stopping for the night at the
house of countryman in one of the
southeastern counties, found the enter
tainment he got the more satisfactory
because of q barrel of very respectable
whisky having been just brought in.
Returning a month afterward from an
electioneering tour, and disappointed in
not being able to get even drink, he
reminded the host, with some impatience,
that only month ago he had full bar
rel in his pantry. The look that pre-
ceded the answer TO this reminder was
composed of surprise and resentment:
"Lookee here, my friend, 10 you
'spect one bari o. whisky to last Arrays,
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

stamps are now receiving the attention
Of the Postoffice Department, ard spe'
cial agents are hunting up offending
Postmasters oil over the country. Post
masters are forbidden to sell stamps ea-
cept in the locality to which their offices
belong, but many of them violate this
law. One Postmaster ut small village
in Virginia has made a profit of nearly
$500 in the last few months selling
stamps to Baltimore merchants ut 10 per
cent. discount. The postal authorities
say they are determined to break up this
trafiic
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18
exclaimed, going up and giving her .

exclaimed, going up and giving her q
good hug.
"Chsrlie, here, say T. he called to
some one outside. "Here's mamma
woke up" and then another great hand
some fellow, who seemed to be about Is
years old, came up and kissed her rather
bashiully.
"What does all this mean? and
where are the children ?" asked mani
ma, putting her hand up to her head, and
fleming ready to cry. Where's my
baby?"
80. he's out snow balling," said one
of the boys, carelessly.
"My baby He'll catch his death of
cold, said the distracted mother, rush.
ing to the door, where she ran against
another great boy, about 16 years old.
"Can you remember mamma, Frank ?"
asked the young lady.
Mr.. Graham, will you tell me what
this means?" said mamma, turning to
her husband, who stood in the door be-
hind her. "Who are all these young
people kissing me, and where are my
children ?"
"Well, Mary, this is Alice, % last
month. This is Harry, just 20, in the
junior class, top of his class, too. This
one is Charlie, IL, and sophomore,
studying like beaver. and this is your
16-year-old baby, Frank, almost through
the preparatory. Aren't they fine lot p
But mamma only stared from one to
another III hopeless bewilderment. At
last she said, "Well, Paul, you'll have
to explain all this, for don't understand
q bit of it.
"Well, my dear, don't you remember
saying that you wished you could sleep
fifteen years Well, old Santa Claus
took you at your word, and you have
been asleep in the White Cotton Night
Cap country all this time"
Fifteen years children all grown
up, no little girl, no little boys, no baby?"
repeated poor mamma, sitting down in
a chair and looking round on the young
people.
"And I'll never see my little children
again-all grown up without me Oh,
papa how could you let me sleep sop
she asked, beginning to cry.
Bekkus weddy, mamma" said q
little voice close to the bed. "Alice an
papa dot it al by they lonesomes, an
they sent me to see if you was weddy."
1t was little Harry, not an inch taller
than when she went to sleep, sucking
the last leg of sugar horse.
Mamma dressed as quickly as posi-
BILE. "Well, I'm glad l didn't sleep
self, as she took Harry's hand to GO
49,, Ill., IDo,. LnAlNe oil
sticky, and there was everything in the
world to do, but she didn't mind it one
bit. 1t was so much better than that
dreadful dream of waking up to find
everything in order, her children all
grown up, and not even the baby to be
petted. Chitdren's Museum.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

A RICH man, who died not long ago in
London, left legacy of $4,000 to his
doctor, to be paid only in the event of
the testator's living two years after the
date of the will, and to be increased to
$4,000 should he live for five years. As
the testator died one week after making
his will, the doctor gets nothing. 1t is
not stated whether or not the unfortu-
nate medical man knew of this provision
al legacy. If he did know of it he must
have felt an awful pang when his crafty
patient slipped out of his grasp.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

SPECIMENS of new method of coun-
terfeiting silver coins were received at
the Treasury Department recently. The
coin is cut in three pieces and portions
of it filed off. The pieces are then put
together again by the use of solder.
Coins manipulated in this way are not
so much smaller than the original that
they can be distinguished by other than
actual comparison. In addition to this
cutting off, holes are drilled into the coin
from the edges and silver taken there
from, replaced by base metal, and the
edges polished SO as to make detection
almost impossible.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

A FEW days ago two young danseuses
made their debuts in one of the
theaters at Marseilles, in the ballet of
the opera of "The Jewess." When the
curtain went down the stage manager
presented himself before the audience
and called for their opinion as to the
ability of the newcomers. A volley OF
groans and Kisses was the only reply he
received. The engagement of the
young ladies was Immediately cancelled.
This custom of asking the public their
opinion should be introduced in Ameri-
ca. We would then probably have fewer
bad actors upon our stage.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

The English Medical Press gives the
following warning We are concerned
in the interest of impressionable females
and weak minded young men, to notice
the arrival in England of Messrs. Moody
and Sankey, of explosive-revival fame.
Former experience of the pernicious in
fluence of the hystero-religious mania
with which these clever men were iden-
titled leadsAls to hope that most people
will guard against an undue preponder-
ance of the emotional passion.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

From the Chicago Evening Journal.
There are now sixteen railroad compa-
MES in the United States, each of which
controls and operates more than 1000
miles of road. The Chicago, Milwaukee
and st. Paul, which has 1927 miles, is
the longest of all, although its debt is
comparatively small. The Union Pacific
has debt three times as large as the ST.
Paul, with track half as long, but re-
ports earnings nearly five times as large.
The New York Central is the most prof
liable road in the country per mile. The
following table will be of interest to the
general reader:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18
A COMPANY of minstrels were in Titus

A COMPANY of minstrels were in Titus
vile, Pa, and the wicked boys played a
little game on the door-terder that is
worth telling. Half a dozen of them
got some Western Union Telegraph en-
velopes, and, sealing them, marched up
to the door, one at time, and asked if
they might please go in and deliver
this message" The accommodating
door-tender allowed the boys to pass I'M
til four or five were within the hall. Just
as two more came up the manager of the
telegraph Office happened to come along,
and he quickly put the astonished door
keeper up to the dodge.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18
s.BUr. Georgia dear" said the ei

''BUr, George DEAR" said the girl
again, Z" if you love me with a really and
truly love, kiss me again" A shudder
passed over the young mans frame, and
he changed the subject of conversation.
But the girl would not listen. "Yor
must kiss me-" she said, cor you do not
love me-" Turning CHASTITY pale in the
dim, half-light of the turned-down gas
he averted his head, and said in low
choked voice: CT cannot kiss you.
Cannot ~ shrieked the girl in agony
Of grief, clingiug to him with the energy
of despair, while a deathly pallor over
spread her cheek. '"Tell me, George
tell me truly, what has come between
us p For an instant there was silence,
and then George w. Simpson said in low
bitter tones. every word falling upon
Juliet's waiting ears with terrible dis
tinctiveness "I am chewing plug
tobacco. Chicago Tribune.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

The Menagerie.

Did you everi No, neverl
Mercy on us, what SMELL
Don't be frightened, Johnny, dearf
Graciousi how the jackals yelii
Mother, tell me, what's the man
Doing with that pole Of hisf
Bless your little precious heart
He's stirring up the besstessesf
ChIldrenl don't you go 30 near!
Heyinga! there's the Afric cowsesf
What's the matter with the child?
Why, the monkeys tore his trowses
Here's the monstrous elephant
I'm all "a tremble at the sight
See his inonstrous tooth-pick, boysI
Wonder II he's fastened tight7
There's the lion l-see his tail
How he drags IL on the floor
'Sakes alive. I'm awful scared
TO hear the horrid creatures roar
Here's the monkeys in their cage;
Miue awake you are to see 'em;
Funny, ain'tit? How would you
Like TO have tail and be 'emf
Johnny, darling, that's the bear
That tore the naughty boys to pieces;
Horned cattle l-only hear
How the dreadful camel wheezesl
That's the tall giraffe, my boy,
Who stoops 10 near the morning larks
Twas him who waded Noahs food,
And scorned the refuge Of the ark.
Here's the crane-the awkward bird
Strong his neck Is az whalers,
And his bill is full as long
As ever met one from the tailor's
Look Just see the zebra there,
Standing safe behind the bars;
Goodness me how ike nag,
All except the corner stars
There's the bell the birds and beasts
Now are going to be fed;
SO, my little dariings, come,
It's time for you To be abed-
Mother, 'tsn't 0 o'clock
You said we needn't go beforei
Let us stay little while
Want TO see the monkeys morei"
Cries the Snowman, "Turn 'em outI
Dim the lights there, that will do;
Come again tomorrow boys;
Bring your little sisters, too"
Exit mother, half distraught,
Exit father, muttering "borelS
Exit children, numbering still,
swami to see the monkeys morel"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

AMERICAN iron industries, in spite of
the disasters of the last ten years, have
on the whole been more flourishing than
the English. In that period the annual
iron production in the United States
has more than doubled. In 1871, it was
1.9l1, sos tons in 1880, 1895, Ala tons.
The production in Great Britain in 1871
was 6,627,17 tons; in 1880, 1921, 1888
tons. The consumption of iron in the
United States has been enormously in
creased also. In 1871 it was $3.50, 573
tons in 1880, 8, 407, 754. The consump-
ton in Great Britain in 1871 was 3, 457, :
600 tons, AID in 1880, 1894, 562.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

THE Supreme Court of the United
States has rendered an important de-
cision. holding that where an agent de-
posts the money of the concern which
he represents with his own money, and,
although he keep but one account, the
bank is directly responsible to the con-
Germ, and the concerns money can be
recovered from it, though the agent may
have drawn the money on his personal
account; also, that if money held by a
person in a fiduciary capacity, though
not as trustee, has been paid by him
to his account at his bankers, the per-
son from whom he holds the money can
follow 1t, and has charge on the bal
ance in the bankers hands, even though
it is mixed up with the depositor's own
money. The same court held that q
penalty for failure to pay premium ex-
pressed in an insurance policy can be
enforced in all cases, regardless of all
excuses or reasons that may be assigned.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

AN Indian mound on the Texas Pacific
railroad was excavated and was found to
contain great many rocks and the re-
mains of human being about four feet
high. The forehead was not an inch
high, but was very broad, and lay be-
tween flat rocks covered with charcoal.
In the grave was also a spear of red flint
several inches long and several speckled
ones with fine edges.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

RECENTLY New Jersey embezzler,
who had gathered to himself $1,000 be-
longing to other people, was awarded
twelve years in the penitentiary. This
is New Jersey justice. Under this rule
Cashier Baldwin, of Newark, will so up
for II. 800 years.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

and specially when mans got wife
and six children, and the cows gone dry,
and they've got no milk?"
"Never !" answered the candidate
certainly not. didn't understand the
situation, or I'd never have asked so fool
ish question. This molasses and water
is-well, it's simply-splendid."
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

The building boom has struck Wash
ington. More than $50 new buildings
are III process of erection. Forty-one
af them represent an aggregate cost of
$500, 900. Secretary Blaine's house,
which will cost 5000, is the most ex-
pensiye.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18
Health I'm Michigan.

Reports to the State Board of Health,
Lansing, for the week ending Oct. 20,
1881, by fifty observers of diseases
in different parts of the State, show causes
of sickness as follows:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

QUEEN VICTORIA takes her daily drive
at Balmoral with block straw bonnet
upon her head, and with large shawl
of shepherds plaid upon her shoulders.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

GEN. BURNsDE's property was so
heavily encountered that the heirs will
get nothing.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

For the week ending Oct. 20, 1881,
the diseases shown to have most in
creased in area of prevalence are pneu-
monia, influenza, tonsilitis and typhoid
fever. Scarlet fever has slightly in
creased during October it is reported
by the same number of observers as for
the preceding week. There has been
decrease in the area of prevalence of
diphtheria, cholera morbus and cholera
infantum. HENRY b. BAKER,
Secretary State Board OF Health.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER Is. 1881.

QUEEN VICTORIA has now reigned for
ty-fve years, little longer than Queen
Elizabeth.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

NOTHING can constitute good breeding
that has not good nature for its foun-
dation.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

SIX weeks after the death of MIR.
Gilbert Thompson's wife, in New York
city, in 1864, he locked his wife's sister,
Miss Barker, in a room, and called God
to witness that he loved her, would
cherish her till death did them part, and
more of the same kind He said he
couldn't marry her on account of his
mothers opposition, but from that time
he proceeded to live with her as his
wife, and continued this for many years.
All the time he held himself out to the
world as widower, and two months ago
he died leaving a vast fortune. Now
Miss Barker puts in an appearance, and,
telling this story, asks wife's dover.
The court is somewhat puzzled, but
proposes to give Miss b. chance, and
if she can make it appear that he
actually regarded her as his wife, as she
says he did, will divide the fortune with
her.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

LARGE numbers of cases of violation
70 the law prohibiting traffic in postage
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-11-18

Number aud Per
Cent. Of ObserU-
ers by Whom
Each Disease Was
Reported.
, 1881-03-08

Stanley Matthews l,as returned 10 C!nctI,-
nati, llo Is snllt to be convinced that Ills
ccctionccring for appointment to tho, Sll-
proma Uune!, Is hopeless This Is probably
tho case. There nro many good reasons why
Ills nomination should not bu renewed. II
was unfit to bs nlatlo in tho first p!aca; a,!d
Its renewal, utter the actlon Of tho Se,iato
JudicIAry Committee ,,pon It al.tl tllo storm
OF public tlisapproyul 1t callcu forth, would
be Il bl,in,lur,
Tie objections to Mr.. Matthews will guide
tho new President to so,au cxtent In his
choice Of \ man who will bo ucccptnblo to
tic Bur nn.. tho country as tho successor 10
,Justle;, Swaynv. Such u ulnn will ,,ot belong
to tho rafrou, corporations, nor l,c conspic,.
ous for his devotion to tlo monopoly inter
csts nt Alr. layt;ould, lIu will not bu ,,ixtal
IN III tic dirty work gf purtlsan politics.
a,,,t yet ,noro tbap TINT, no will not bo II resi-.
dent Ut tho Ohlu judicial Circuit, which al-
really has t,ro members oil tho s,,pro,uo
i,encl,: md ho will bu a uractjc5uy LAWYER II,
tho Seventh Judicial Circuit, which coul-
prfscs thu pouulous. wealthy, el,l co,n,uer
clatly tmportaut States Of illinois. Wlsco,..
stn. nut Indiana.
Thp Ohio Circuit Is now roprcseltcd by
, 1881-03-08

'rNE ,To,ilmul, with lis customary logic, lie.
citres TINT TuE rnlpusE hus crssrsl Its track. In
tAt It c1,lr IL Tint shorn WIS any s'c nltIccr as
constitutional nt,viser" tn tho President, whilu
1t maintained ~ thnt hr. llnino would give thu
President "tho bcnctt ut h1s atlvIco" whom
called upon. Wllcru n tho Inconsistency or
track -crossng? Is overy ut,e win gives ndvfeo
vi constitutional adviser" Ut tho i'resIlent2
Till TMtngSr annually RIycs tito Journal corda
Of Yousl ullvIcc which 1t lias not the wisdom to
ndoI,t, yet tho furtnor does not tlnlnl to be Its
"cns1sttutonnt ntvtscr." If every nne who has
given tho President advice sls,cr his c1cction
ant all WIN will nlytso him In tho next four ur
eight years nre constitutional aslylsers." tilcro
tn,tst bo nbo,t million such III ttila country.
Nv that antnc tokun, Mrs. lHrtlcd n n "cut,-
sttatonal adviser" hersolf unti II most cxco!-
lent pt1c, too.