The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-03-26
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

trcf1ng tat-Stealing laro'
AL Young men on Mondsy-The Germans.
Hai buywords-Charge IL to dad, 4&8r
Coming dowR-The old court house.
TIE Young men were ahesd-on Monday.
The way for a bad boy to 90 on bender
sweS his mothers knee.
THE ~EMPEsr.
Ban, ban, Ohio man,
Get a new office as quick as you can.
Nasty is going to Europe IN the spring 70
his hesIth, probably He has long had bal
spoil.
Bob L,ncoln, aside: Some folks are grumblint
and saying that amt smart; but spos'n they't
taken young Douglas!
There is romance in figures: young mar
met q girl, Ter, married her and took her on 9
wedding Per.
When Cincinnati man speaks OF the produc
ton Of his pen, you never know whether he is d
literary Teller or hog raiser.
n prominent lumberman in Burlington has
lad his coat of.arms painted on the panels OF his
esniage, with the Latin motto "FM', which by
Interpretation is II saw"
The New York Tribune ssys Postmaster Cen
-zss James is a cheerful worker, even when sur
rounded by bores. This Is the first intimatioH
chat the Tribune staff had called on the general.
Tue Baltimore Enry Saturday commences an
item With IAN old woman died at the west end
last week" 1t is supposed the result Is just as
fatal IS IL she died all over.
There are twelve thousand new words In the
scvised edition OF Worcester's Dictionary. Just
srought out by Lippiucott. With such facilities
writer's will have little difficulty in making
themselves misunderstood.
The mother had cut her little daughters hair
10 make 'bangs." Surveying her own work,
she said: "Bessie, yesterday you looked as il
you tsd no sense. To-day 20 look as II your
mother had nome" r-... .r
'T see that Mr.. Forepaugh offers a prizo OF
$4,000 for the hapdsomost woman In America to
travel With bis show. This might be better than
writing books--but no. will not keep some
poor girl out Of o chance TO get rich. Gail
RSm.h'on.
The New Workers don't want the worlds fair,
sai the project is to be dropped. They say there
sse shout Ia, OO0, 900 Of out-town relatives wait.
ing % drop down on them for the time spent
With them by New Workers in the country for
the past 20 years.
FATALLY NICE.
oh. she was nice to eat,
Remarked the alligator; |
She tasted very sweet,
And am gladiator. |
Aman at PlaiHfeld Ind, desired to leave his
asassling bag and ovcrcoat while he walked to
piAee twenty miles distant. He put them In
q GeId unprotected from thieves except by the
sign, ''smsll.pox-bewarew and found them un.
touched vhen he returned.
AFTER al, what reason is there to find fault
with Mr.. Malone tor selling out to the rcpubli.
cans ir politics rs In finance he is read ulster
-kaat is, In favor of dlscharging obligations with
the smallest possible payment.
Etiquette" writes TO inquire II in our opinion
Il would be proper for him TO support young
,sdy II she we're taken with faint-even II he |
Asdn't been introduced. Proper, young man,
ecrtain.y-prop her, by all means.
Non troai has a haunted house, In which "the
s1ore Tide lifted off the stoves and sent flying
through the air." II the owner OF the haunted |
house takes oar advice he will buy his wife a |
new dress. He may think he can always dodge |
taeG, but some time one OF those lids will take |
him on top of the head and scalp him.-Iecks
Syn.
my GlBL's" BROTHER AT SCHOOL.
spell court" the teacher cried
Unto the boy up head; |
't-o.r.t," he shot 1t out.
'Segt" sharply then she said
Court, court" spelled Jack;
"Desne the word now, please"
-'nedue, what's thatr' "Why tell Inc what
Court means, you little tease!'
at means that when the Teller comes
He motions with his head
And says, Jemima, can't you send
That little imp to bedT"
h man beng asked about the trustworthiness
u certain person who was In search of a situa.
N0p said: "fhere are, doubtless, vocations In |
which be could be trusted. There's real estate,
for example. II that was put In his care |
think the owner would find his property where
he left it. | shouldn't care to speak as to any
other Kind Of property"
During the cold weather how long can the ink
stsnd -Renkuk Consultation. Dunno. But how
long can the pom holder = Hd,nkeye Tell lis
how long can the pencil sharpeDer and well an
ever that.-Omaha Republican, They are all
hight ~ long as the weather remains stationary
DRAIN Dailg Bee, Your puns are developed
IA obScurtty. That's no wafer to got off Jokes
-GrIph&t. Well, then, blouer out.
The following playful take-of on the dlminu
tive dosee prescribed by homDopathists, we find
30 al Old paper. 1t is recipe for compound
iuE aqua tortissma" according to the scientific
.1etbVa:
Take a little rum,
The less you take the better,
Mix il with the lakes
~ Wenner and of Voter
Dip q little out
Mind you don't get groggy--
Pour il in the Lake
Winnipisiogee.
Stir the mixture we'll,
Lest II prove inferior,
Then put half drop
Into Lake Superior.