The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-03-25
FAOETIE.

A pedantic New York saloonist an
nounces "Caorifed Thomas and Jere-
miah.
The difference between dancing and
card playing is just exactly the differ
ence between the real and the | deal
1t is not necessary for man to keep
his mug at the BARRIERS shop, but no
must take it there to be shaved.
A Georgia man named his mule Lolita,
and the next day it kicked q wagon in
seventeen different directions at once.
ooh, you be darned,' as the Christ
mas present said when it slipped
through the heel Of the hung-up stock
ing.
An Ohio man has taken the small
pox from a pet pig. When once this
disease gets into "A family it is pretty
sure to 60 through it.
A New York clearinghouse took fire
the other night, and the flames got as
far as the pantry when they went out
for want Of fuel.
Prejndices get into the minds as
easily AS rats and mice get into a trap;
and once in the mind, like rats and
mice in traps, they seldom get out.
When an Ohio man told his wife that
he had just traded for new spring
wagon, she replied: "You Ounce, YOU!
why did you get spring wagon in the
fall of the year?'
| have no objeckshun to man part
ing his hair in the middle, but I Shall
alwuz insist upon his finishing up the
job by wearing short gown and pet
tikoat.-JoSh billings.
II don't so much mind" said Mr..
Henpeck-''l don't so much mind a
woman having IA mind of her own, en-
cept that in such case she usually
takes charge of her husbands also. ="
What have you been drinking, or
cating?' exclaimed his wife, as he
returned late ut night. ''Liquor-ish"
he responded, and then he winked at
himself in the dark and breathed thin
till she got asleep.
A colored man went into Galveston
Office and wanted to sub
scribe "iow long do you want itP''
asked the clerk. Jess as long as it is,
boss. FL it doesn't fit de shelves, /
can tar piece off myself"
Gem len, y said the old man, remem-
Der dat 1t am not safe to form an opin-
ion on "a stranger by de size of his mouf
or dc number Of his hat No person
can tell tie number of mules in barn
by looking at the stable door,
"No, as | understand it, these cold
waves come from the vast deserts of
snow in the Siberian plains, and radiate
thence over the globe, but principally
in this direction" well, why the
dickens don't they stay there9" ':Why,
it's too cold, you idiot"
A Bridgeport carpenter, while in a
fit ofanger, threw hammer at fellow
workman, and swallowed a screw he
had in his mouth. 1t was an unfortun-
ate affair, but it was better than throw
ing the screw and swallowing the ham
mer.
What luck did you have fishing yester-
day, breckenridge" asked a Galveston
gentleman of a well-known impecunious
character who owes everybody. "Splen-
did! While | was out on the wharf
twenty men with bills called at my
house to collect money"
Young mistress Tin utter despair)
"Why, Bridget, what have you doneP
expected any minute and the
cake burned to u crisp! It's of no use
now Throw it in the ash barrel
Bridget with the utmost composure)
"Shure ma am, | wuldn't fret mysilf
about the loikes o that, if | wuz YOU.
Jist give it to the doonation party
He was a great bore, and was talking
to Il crowd about the coming local
election. Said he; Jones is a GOOD
man. he is capable, honest, fearless,
and conscientious, He will make the
very kind of an officer we need He
once saved my life from drowning"
do YOU really want TO see Jones cleo
edP' said a solemn-faced old man. ~
TO, indeed; Id do anything to see him
elected" "Then never let ANYBODY
know he saved your life The meet
ne then adjourned,