Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1881-06-11
COWS TEETH.
appalling ignorance Stalking ThrOngi
the Land

their upper Jaw. ne JackSoh s'iVSt H-"h
was little astonished mt the question, rs
there had been nothing said about COWS, but
replied prcmpty'
''Whv. Of course they have front teeth
on their upper jaw; how could they bite OIL
grass if they hadn't? ~ .T
The Van Buren, street man said 1t vas
not Il question of logic but a question OF
fact and if the Jackson street man di'l
rot know whether COWS had front teeth on
their upper jaw or not lie ought to say so.
"I did not ask you for your opinion" he
said: ~ asked if You knew"
The Jack son street man was a little net
tied a This. and replied with some warmth.
He said if he had child three years old
who would ask such question IS that he
should he afraid the child was an idiot.
You vouldT'
81 certainly shoJld.'
"Theb," said the Van Buren treet man,
" as it Is such q simple question, OF course
YOU can tell me whether COWS have got front
teeth on their upper jaws or whether they
have not"
"Why, of Course they have"
They have, eh ~
"Yes."
"Tn Bet YOU Si0 they hay'nt,' said the
Van Buren, street citizen, pulling out roll
of bills. an peeling off couple of tiyes
and shaking them at his neighbor. Put
up or shut up"
'"Thcre is some internal catch about this
thing" said the other suspicously.
might have known il, too, the minute you
asked me such an Internally idiotic ques-
ton"
no catch al all about it, replied the
other. if cows have got front teeth on their
upper jaws the so is yours. If they haven't
the money is mine. Nothing could be bet
ter than that, could there -
But still the Jackson street man hesitated.
1t was barely possible that COWS did not
have any front teeth on their upper Jaws.
He remembered, then, that cows, IN biting
off grass, always threw their noses outward,
while horses nippcd ii off by jerking their
noses inward. He was astoniShcd ut how
near he had come to being yictimized, but
he did not like to come down. The two
were near meat market near the corner oi
Jackson and Michigan streets, and the
Jackson street man was sure that butcher
would know for certain whether or not COWS
had front teeth on their upper jaws; so he
pushed open the door and said to the pro-
prietor:
"Linehan, have COWS got front teeth on
their upper jaws ~
Linehan was running a skewer through Il
roast of beef but he stopped, looking up in
astonishment, and said:
What?"
"Haye COWS got front teeth on their up
per jaws?"
"Cowsw
"Yes."
go. front teeth on their upper jaws?"
Yes"
Upon my word don't know"
You don't know ?"
"No. You see | buy my beef by the
quarter at the slaughter house, and don't
have anything to do with the heads. But /
can find out for YOU when 20 over"
81 wish YOU wOuld."
/ So the Jackson street man closed the door
ard rcjoined his neighbor, and the two
walked along without saying word. \
milk wagon was seen coming up the street,
and il was resolved to hail the driver and
ask him the question: as it is spopularly sup
posed that milkmcn are more or less tamll-
lar with cows. The Van Buren, street citi-
zen cleared his throlt and said: Hello :"
/ he illtkllliu ItlUiu ul iilu HAiN
Go ahead with your tests. If You find
anv water or chalk in that milk, I'll give
you the whole of it,"
The citizen told him to be calm, AS they
had no intention Of testing his milk, but
only wanted to know if COWS had front teeth
on their upper jaws.
The miikman looked ut them about a
minute, and then whipped up his horses
and drove off mentioning some kind of a
fool that they were. Up on Wisconsin
street they saw another mikman delivering
milk. and oycrtaking him they explained
the dispute He smiled pityngly upon
their ignorance, and said
"Of course COWS have front teeth on their
UPPER Jaws, dryeling IDIOT ought TO know
hat mnch 4 COW would be a handsome
looking object without front teeth in her
upper Jaw, wouldn't shc?"
"rve concluded to take that bet ofyOurs,'
said the Jackson street man to the other.
"Comc now, down with the dust. Put up
or shut up"
"Why didn't you do it when you had a
chance? Ineyer claimed to know whether
a COW had front teeth or not, ! only thought
had read 50 somewhere, and asked 10 see
if YOU knew about il for certain. But now
that the thing is settled, there il nothing Ia
bet on rs | can sce.'
"Oh, of course not" said the Jackson
street man, sarcastically; "of course not." "
Just then Mr. Clark, Of the Ncwhall
house happened along and as the mllkman
picked up his lines and drove of, the Van
Buren, street man asked Mr. Clark If hC
knew ANYTHING about cows Mr.. Clark said
he did, having formerly beena farmer ano
a cattle buyer.
Well, said the Van Buren strceter, " dc
YOU know got the quecre,t idea into my
head this morning about COWS that mar
ever had. Somehow or other got the idea
that COWS had no front teeth on their-uppcr
Jaws and actually offered to Bet so viii
this man that such was the case. : don
: see what possessed me-"
Well. if YOU had bet you goilid hay'
won the money" said Mr. Clark
WHAT exclaimed both the citizens 10
= gethcr
a. sew II yOa had bet YOU would hay
won de money, for COWS have no front teetl
on their upper jaws.
a Sweet spirit hear my prayer" said th
: Van Bnrcn street citizen. he brought on
{ his roll and peeled the two fives again an
D shook them at the Jackson street man, wh
G turned away with a sickly smile ssd said h
could not always be pulling out his money
c Ignorance seems 10 be stalking thrOug
the land like Kansas grasshopper On stilt'
-PecEs Nlrdakce SIM
: The capitalists Of Great Britain have IN
{ vested in new sccurities-largely America
to the extent of S750,OO0,OO0 during tn
Ggt,cl-5 ,trIfoh fbroa ,-nDt