Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-12-28
SPICE AND ALLSPICE,

ing invitation for small boy to be bad.
~. O. Picayuqe.
IHE alligator is certainly a sleepy
looking thing; but when awake for bust
ness 1t is found there is some snap to
him.--N Q. Picaymae.
"WAs ye in court this morning,
Tim?" "I was, Mike" "Did We hear
many cases ?" 'sOnly wan; it was for
an assault on the battery. He got four
months"
SOME men are SO extremely careful
that they will lock themselves up in the
back Office for week to avoid drafts
especially sight drafts. Peoria Trans
cT520t.
THERE is an old adage that If enough
rope is given to fool he will hang him
self with it, but it appears that ever since
the world began there has beena scarcity
OF Courier Journal.
BETWEEN man and wife: "Gontran,
my dear, which of my costumes do you
like best to see me put on?" Gontran,
after moments reflection, Your
travelling costume, my darling" 1.-The
Partisan.
The other evening a gentleman but
shawl. "I'm attached to you" said the
gentleman, laughing, while he was in-
dustriously trying to get loose. "The
attachment is mutual" was the good
natured reply.
SAID young Symonds: sold Ragbag
has forbidden me his house and ordered
me not to speak to his daughter, but if
he thinks by that racket, he can rouse
my obstinacy and get me to make love
to the girl and marry her, he's mis-
taken. "-Bosto4a Post.
"'PEARs to me your mill goes awful
slow. said an inpatient farmer boy to
miller. 81 could eat that meal EASTERN
you can grind it," Chow long do you
think you could do it, my lad ?" quoth
the miller. "TiD [ starved to death, "
answered the boy.
You can't get ahead of Boston nerve.
When gilded youth of this city had
Jim jams, and thought he saw snakes in
his boots, he had sufficient gall to turn
round to his brother and say: "Jack,
these must be your boots "--BOston
Post.
"CIGAR smoke pulled In mans face
by another man is assault and battery"
says New York judge. II that is the
case, cigarette smoke, pulled anywhere
in ones neighborhood should be consid-
cred murder In the first degree No
aaonga]aeIa Daily Republican.
EIGHT parts in ten Of the blood con-
sists of pure water, do you remark that,
Mrs. Tooforida % 81 do, sir, and if its
your own blood you're talking about,
Mr. Tooforida, take my word for it, the
other too parts consist Of whisky
NeaO York Commercial Advert5ser.
6" I THINK" said farmer, 81 should
make good congressman; for [ use
their language. [ received two bills the
other day with requests for immediate
payment; the one I ordered to be laid on
the table-the other to be read that day
six months.
"PAPA, me has been baptized, amt
me-? asked little three year-old. "Yes,
dear" "Then me Won't have to be bap-
tized again % ''No; but can you re-
member anything about being baptized ?'
"Of course I can" ':Wen, what did
the minister do to you?" "He showed
up my sleeve and stuck knife in my
arm.
A SUNDAY SCHOOL teacher was ex-
planning a chapter in Genesis to class
OF boys. He asked: "Why did Ham
laugh at his father, Noah ?" ''Because
he was drunk" ssYoa wouldn't laugh
at your father If he was to come home
drunk, would you?" st never get the
chance, sir. He comes home so late that
I'm always asleep"
ssAIwAYs keep in mind, Henry" said
well-to-do Newark merchant to an aged
darkey, whom he employed in some
temporary service, "always keep in
mind that honesty is the best policy"
"Well, [ suppose it is, since yer say SO,
boss, - responded the relic, GO but I don't
recklect as I eber played dat combina-
tion."
SAID Brown, who had just returned
from visit outside between the acts,
g Oh, darling, I had such fright It
almost took my breath away" "Dear
mel p exclaimed Mrs. B., turning her
face away, 81 wish it had, john" And
John looked sheepish enough as he slyly
inserted Glove in his mouth.
WHEN an Indian boy is born the
Sc medicine man looks out of the door,
and the first object he sees furnishes the
ch1lds name. Ii this rule were 1OlIOWed
in Hackensack, most of the children
would be called Bad-Sidewalks,
" Observation-Disclosures - Boy
with-a- Cigaret," or GO Stick-in-the-M Mud.
-Hackens0ck Republican.
A ooUNTRYMAN who had selected
seat at the theatre from which he could
obtain a good view of the stage, was
greatly discouraged when young lady
wearing a fashionable hat sat down IN
front of him. He bore the affection IN
silence as long as he could, and then,
bending forward, said politely: " Please,
miss, would you be SO kind as to lower
your umbrella ?" She lowered it amid
the applause of the audience.
A LITTLE Ohio girl, making con-
tribution to the Garfield monument
fund, addressed q quaint letter to "Mr.
Committee, in which she said: g am