The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-03-20
THE DUMPS FAMILY.

just believe Johnny's gong to be the
death of some of US yet He's the dearest
busiest, willingest little boy that ever
lived, but only five years old. Last week
while | was trying to break bit of kind
ling, quick as flash he sprang forward
with Let me, mother" and giving
whack with his little Ratchet, he nearly cut
my hand of. Ihave not been able to write
a word since, and only now, with difficulty
Everybody seemed to hear of my accident,
and people wrote notes and made visits of
coincidence Even the surgeons and doc.
tors came by the score and made no
charges for their services. They declare,
as with one voice, that il is a pleasure for
them to do favor for the Dumps family
have had to repeat the details regarding
my hand about one hundred and nlnty-
nine times My lady friends fill their lace
handkerchiets with tears and say, ooh,
poor Mrs. Dumps, what martyr you are
What soldier, what saint, what
Dumps"
Strong men bow their heads in sympa-
thy, and pace my velvet carpets In smoth-
cred emotion. They have me tell again
and again how Johnny dropped glass of
water in my face while l reclined on the
sofa. How he upset the cradle and split
the baby on the floor, causing it to get
huge bump on its dear little bald head.
How he falls down the cellar stairs and
lights on the top of his head unhurt. All
these little domestic affairs are so entertain
ing now, though before got In THE Btu
LETIN / couldn't make soul listen to
them.
Yesterday Mr.. D. brought a couple
OF his old friends home with HIM to dinner;
one of them was prominent phrenologist
The man had seen our names in the THE
BULLETIN and realized what great people
we are becoming, so determined to fatter
us all he could. He examined the shape
of Johnny's brain and was in ecstacies over
the future man. He said Johnny was presi-
dent in the bud.
He snatched the baby from its big broth.
er and went into raptures over its beauty
and intelligence. (And right there now,
expect the man was in earnest and sincere
for Augustus is the smartest and most lovely
cherub on earth.) Then holding the child
at arms length and looking critically at it,
he said he had never seen such fine head |
never
He ran his fingers studiously over the |
child's head and found the organs of rev.
erence, benevolence and hope highly ex-
pressed, and he pronounced the bump
made by the falD most wonderful devel-
opment of language.
Daniel Webster assured him that he
could make bigger language deveope, by
humping the baby on the other side of
its head.
AT this point of conversation we were
startled by the piercing screams of
Johnny. Looking out, we saw his feet
and hands dangling in the air, and the
frightened child suspended by the after.
part of his trousers on spike nail driven
near the roof of the wood-house. He had
been jumping from the top, when he was
checked in this providentlal way.
never believed all you editors, said
about advertising till after tried it my
self; now / know you never told the half.
A persistent use of printers ink is the high
road to fame and fortune.
The people are yet urging Mr.. Dumps to
the mayorality, and new element On
shape of the colored population has APP
peared. II promises to elect him if he will
only give its colora show in office. It says
it does most OF the Cairo voting and re.
ccives no favors. 1t is right about that, O
and Mr.. Dumps is thinking the matter over. Q
lie has but two objections to run. One
Isl He is undecided, which party
10 spouse, the other, he really and truly :
wants Mr.. Winter elected. We know he
was an energetic, good mayor and we be. I
evc he would be again. If Mr.. D
doesn't run, we will turn our influence over 7
to Mr.. Winter.
Mr. and Mrs. - spent yesterday even. 8
Dg with us. They are one of the wealth;est