River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-06-23

rather heavy selection, the minister
opened the Bible and began reading in
Acts Xxx: "And after the uproar had
ceased"
A conscientious grocer displayed the
sign: "a large variety of ???? con-
stantly On hand" Inquiry revealed the
advertised article to be 'fresh home
made" mincemeat.
Mr.. Erastus Wimen, of New York,
win present Toronto, Canada, with two
baths, which are to be built upon piers
and expected to cost between $4,000
and $1,000.
When little Minnie was two years
old she asked for some water one night
When it was brought she said, Papa,
can't you get me some fresh water
This tastes little withered."
Everything / touch, drops" said
Mrs. farley, as her fork fell on the
floor. Mr.. farley replied: II wish
you would touch the price of beef" as
he reached for piece of steak that
cost 20 cents pound.
Oh, the tiny little ants,
How they Chamber up our pants
How they seem to take delight in
The obnoxious sport of bitin'
Indefersible and modest gentlemen
Twenty-six distinct companies have
been started since December, 1879, to
work the gold mines in South India,
with subscribed capitol of SIS, 900, 900,
nalf of which has been paid for by the
mines.
"Don't be in such an awful hurry"
said old Uncle Tobias to his nephews
and nieces. "You lose a great deal by
being in such an awful hurry. Light
MIN might do q great deal more if it
wasn't always in such an awful hurry"
Unconscious profanity sometimes
comes 10 the most exemplary Christ
ians. A real good brother said yester-
day, 81 must get me copy of the new
Bible. | hear the revisers have knock
ed - out of it."-NelO Orleans Plea
yet'ae.
This COMPOUNDED slang does raise the
very mischief. When handsome
young wife went to a hardware store
to get one of those wooden contrivances
to smash potatoes, and said, II want q
masher," every man in the shop, from
the boss to the Office boy, started to at
tend her.-Boston Post.
The Methodist Bishop Simpson once
said: Nobody but saved men should
be sent by newspapers to report camp
meetings" A st. Louis paper adds:
eff this were rule with the daily pa
pers of this city, they would each have
to add a new name to their present
staff,
When the contribution box was pass
ed in a well-known church recently, a
young man presented his mite, but did
not discover until too late that he had
given two ten cent pieces stuck together.
Then he looked up and smiled, and
the deacon smiled. They both know
how it is. Bee is sometimes adhe-
sive as well az conducive--O swego
Palladium.
The Lonion IIIorM says that the En-
press Eugene has definitely decided up
on the final resting place of her late
husband and son. She intends to build
church on the estate which she has
bought, some fourteen miles from Chi
selhurst; and thither the two tombs are
to be transferred.
One day when Mr.. Harness was stay
ing at famaus country house he
found gentleman pacing up and down
the parlor in the most distressing frame
of mind. SIS there anything the mat
teri" inquired Mr.. Harness, anxiously.
"The NATTER" he replied, 81 should
think there was! Three of the worst
things that can happen to a man. Pm
in love, I'm in debt, and I've doubts
about the doctrine of the Trinity"
a San Francisco paper, evidently
speaking in a sarcastic vein, says a
nt is on foot in that city to Or
ganize society to be called the "Inde-
pendent Order of Acquitted Murder
ers." Judging by recent events in the
of the Pacific Coast, the
would be too laree to be
select, and would be moreover, very iu-
fiuential.
A San Francisco lady wanted her
little girl to battle IN a room the win
dows of which opened into the yard, in
which were some fowls. But" says
little girl, Il don't want to battle
before the chickens" ''Oh, never
mind the chickens" said the mother.
well" said the little woman, II won't
battle before the rooster, anyhow"
A clergyman was travelling through
the Humboldt mountains with an old
miner. Said the miner: do you
really believe that God made the world
in six days?" "Of course | do. "
'Well, don't you think" returned the
miner, that he might have put in an
other day to advantage right round
here?"
81 do believe, Mr.. Heffelspin," said
his wife, "that you mean to kill me
with your everlasting conumdrums.
Why is feline sitting up straight like
Niagara? You knew | couldn't guess
it. "Well, / will tell you," rejoined
Heffelspin: Because it is cat erect"
Mrs. Hefelspin pulled down her spec
tacles and started for the broom, but
her husband had business down town
Just then.
A prize show of parrots was held in
the north of England. After many
others had been brought forward in
LTOHls OI the JuuStSY OHS UiId, On nav
ing its cover removed, won the prize
by acciamation. Looking around on
The company in which it had been so
suddenly introduced, it exclaimed, by
love what lot of parrots"
A young couple have just begun
ouse-keeping, and wished to engage a
work. Josephine presents
herself. After detailing the duties re
luired, the lady If the house remark
ed: "Well, my good girl, / think you
will be suited. The work is light and
We have no children" ''Oh, madam,
10 not put yourself out on my account,
beg; / adore them"
The discomfort OF travelling in India
n hot weather is decreased on the line
Of the great In1ian Peninsular Com
pany by an ingenious device. The
windows in every frst-class railway
carriage are provided with screens of
fragrant khas-khas grass, which are
gent constantly damn hv the mechau-