, 1881-08-07

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BARBERS AND THE HUMAN RACE.
a writer in the New York Times tlcvclo }
tho theory that the professional barber
, the responsible cause OF the gradual rcdus
ton in stature OF certain clnsses of people
, lie finds, for example, that the young me-
of society who are shaved by BARRIERS ar
short and s1uatty, whil. farmers who shay
, | their own bcards are tall and well Termed
that ScotctlMen, tho men of Maine and Min
ncsota, and of the rural districts generally
arc long and lank, while the dcnlzens 0
cities are, SO to speak, growing shorter AIT
shorter as time wears away.
| The Times writer declares that, Will
scientific persons have made frequent allu
sion to this curious fact Of metaphysics ant
attempted to account for it OIL yariuu:
grounds they have thrown no light upon the
subject. Naturally, the writer feels 4 pro
found contempt for the bat1led scientists, wllc
have burned the midnight oil i'll vain ell
denyor to discover tie occult ca,lsc Of I,
palpablc and untlcEiablc effect, while to the
vision Of genius the cause lies OH the very
surface OF things, lis it were, and needs only
to be suggested to enforce conviction i'll the
common mind. 10 him the cause is lis plain
| rs tile row of bald heads which adorn the
orchestra seats Of Il theatre. lie says:
Where men shave themselves, as in Scotland.
! ia England outside OF London, IN f4'nsHr'!y, in
Germany, And in the rural districts Of the Emitted
| States, they are tull. Where it Is tho usual
custom for men 70 he shaved by burncrs, they
aud every New ser shaved himself. and their
| average stature was the same ns that TT tic
| Maine backwoo,limnu who has never seen a
! t.arbers shop. The decrease in the stature OF
Americans Of tho Atlantic states. of Frenchmc1l,
| SIMnnr'lS. and .SeapUiitAns, has in every III
| stance begun soon after the introduction Of the
| prurtice of ben. shaved by tnfh-rs. 1t would
he worse nful4r tn suppose that this IS
coincidence, snd that the barhnrs are noi tho
rel cause of the decrease in stnture or the COM
nunitlcs in which they flourish.
NJ doubt the Times writer has hit the nail
squareiy on the head. Scientists may sncpr
and refuse to adopt his conclusion, but the
world at large will accept it, and i; is to te
hoped, act upon it. But what will became Of
the BARRIERS . Their occupation like Othclto's,
will be ''Eone." Short boys with an i'll
visible down upon their soft cllfns will here
after avoid the BARRIERS shop as they would
il:.e from the plague. Men Of mature years,
but vi small stature, will abandon their daily
pilgrimage to the BARRIERS shop and hack
away 1T their own faces i'll tile desperate hope
Of adding III inch tu the top at their heads
Tie yonl= men of society will bl, 4 dozen
razo7s apiece, unlimited cakes TT svap
calaers-llair brushes, mugs, strops. pomadeS,
tonics, perfumes etc, etc., and establish,
each III his private apartments, a miniature
barbcr's Shop over which lie will personally
preside.
Tile Times writer has ruined great indus
trial intcrcs+.-s:rucl it uut Ut exisIence,-
and this without the smallest fcein. OF re- !
morse 1t the ruin he has wrought. II would |
have been more kind, more human in this |
Handai had he suggested some method Of rt.-
forming BARRIERS. lie misht haze gone OH Il |
step further, anu inquired. at least, why it Is
that BARRIERS exert sl1ch balcfu inili,ence
over tile destiny Of mankind. Bat lie ln,1st
neetlS launch his tfunucrboit Of destruction
Instantly upon its discovery, without waiting
to Inquire whether the necessity If launching
it at I'LL might not lcradyenture layc been oh
vlatcd. lie admits with too lnuc!. haste his |
utter inability 10 discover the cause of the
cause he las discovered. In Il helpless way
lie exclailns: . Why BARRIERS Should lave thi,
curious and disastrous c1fert is very stran.e"
Doubtless the Times philosopher WAS, in
his youth, Il tall, well-tormcd masl,-a six-
Footer. III all eyil mnnont-;l moment Of
azy intolcnce-llc seated himself in Il bar-
)ers chair, to which chair ht has since re-
urncd tally for the last forty or fifty years;
NIL. alas. lie Is informed by his tailor that
ne Is only "four feet tcn," and BY his mirror
hat lie is bald, SHuatty, fat, a,l1 bow-legged.
lie hates BARRIERS, and in lit Of insensate
age resolves upon the remorseless tlestruc- !;
lon Of the entire razoI-nourisiinE fraternity | I
lie ought to have had himself measured be- I
ore. If, for Instance, lie had been measured {
t the end OF the hrst year, assuming that he
It's been shaved iifty-siN years. or 2o,4io /
lmes. he would hare discovered the loss OF a
uartcr Of III inch of his stature. Upon |
lakins this dicovcry he would have reflected S
5 to the cause. lie would have made 4 S
tud, of the barber's Shop, and would prob a
bly, have gained some insight into its gcn- Y
r1l effects npOn habltuts thereof. lie might q
ave noted the s|lecpish mir which tlistin- Ii
nishes all men al the moment of crossing k
lc threshold Of the harbcr-sop I
The man may be rs proud as l.ucifcr as he ! II
'alks the streets, but when lie takes off Ills r
ut ii the barber's shop he takes OFT his t Il
'vereisnty with it. lie may be rs ricl, Is d
rn's,'S but he bows abjccty to the knight II
the razor, and offers to take "cllair." e.
lit tic bntber cries out "ncxt," and | Z
ai1cltly repulscs the newcomer. Deludcd II,
his coat, necktie, and collar, lie sll.ks III
to Il c"rncr, Drete1lds to read Il newspaper, cl
ii watches fnrtlvely for the monutopous +,
y, next" looking all the while rs abiect n,
peanut-pttldlcr ont Of business. lie b;
oks perceptibly shorter as lie rises to as
eak into chair, and, once in the u;
air, lie resembles Il bundle of old
'thes, and appears to need ..sllak;ng it,
- like old Father Snallwced The barber 4
lzcs him ui,o JAMS Ills head into the rest, al
raps several soilcd towels about his neck, 81,
ESestively feeling, Of his windpipe as ho cr
oWtls tllem down and covers them with a r,
leo rug which looks like IN appic-wolIla1l' Of
l apron. Then the barber feels of the vic Of
MS chin, and runs his greasy fingers pr
rough his hair, tapping the bald sput as lie ~.
gllt an apple, to discover whether it had liz,
to decay. Next lie COVERS the poor co
etcfs lace with soap, rubs it of. puts on t;,I
other coat, inserts his fingers in the cor rc
rs Of the mouth to remove the surplus he