St. Landry democrat. (Opelousas, La.) 1878-1894, 1881-04-02
ritz ST. LANDRY DEMOCRAT.
Beer Against Electricity.
A PROFESSORS EXPERIENCE ON
THE MATTER.
New York Times.


tute, promised at one time to be Of
great interest to the philosophers,
and especially to electricians. AL
though this promise was not full.
filled, it is, nevertheless, true that
the experience in question was I'M
precedented, and deserves the att
ention Of all thinking men.
On the night of the 21st of De-
cember Professor Won Schwoinhund
was spending the evening with
number of friends at the residence
of - Smith, Esq, discussing the
philosophy of the unconditioned in
connection with Milwaukee beer.
At about l o'clock a. m., it occurred
to him that Mrs. Scllweinhund
would be uneasy at his prolonged
absence from home, and would un.
doubtedly sit up for him and well
come him with energetic hands ia
an exceedingly warm manner. He
therefore took final glass of beer,
put on his capacious ulster, and
babe the company farewell.
The night was exceedingly cold,
and the pavement was unusually
active III its motions. This togeth-
er with weakness in the Profess
sors legs due to a severe cold in the
head, led him to pause by COVE.
nient lamp-post to collect his
thoughts. He rested for several
minutes, unbuttoned his ulster to
look at his watch, bnttoned it up
again, and summoning his energies,
prepared to resume his walk. To
his great alarm he found that he
could not move from the spot. An
unseen an unknown force held him
tight to the iron lamp post, and his
most frantic efforts could not ena-
BILE him to release himself.
His first impression was that he
had been tied to the lamp-pos by
thieves while resting himself, but
he could not discover the slightest
trace of any rope, and was thus
compelled to abandon the hypothe-
sis. Soon he began to feel sensa-
ton of something very cold in the
region Of his breast and abdomen.
1t was clear to him that a cold cur
rent was running from his breast
bone downward, aud, being a pro-
found philosopher, he reasoned
that, as he felt this current in front,
it must really be in active opera.
ton somewhere else, and was, un-
doubtedly, running down his spinal
column. After deep meditation, he
suddenly remembered that he had
heard that certain streets in Mil
waukee were soon to be lighted BY
the electric light. He looked up
ward at the lamp above his head
and saw that it was not only ex-
tremely bright but that it seemed
to be divided into three or four
separate lamps. He now compre-
hended the mystery of his impris-.
onment. The lamp-post to which
he was fastened was evidently one
of those to which the electric light
had been applied. The electric
current passing through the iron
lamp-post had been switched oft by
the attraction of his spinal column,
and was flowing through him pro.
ducing the sensation of extreme
cold and fastening him with a force
Of several tons to the lamp-post.
The horror of his situation now
clearly stared Prof. Won Schwein-
hund in the face. He saw that not
only would he held to the lamp-post
until some one should come to his
assistance and turn of the electric
current, but that in all probability
the electricity would gradually dis
integrate his spinal marrow, and
thus either kill him outright or re-
duce him to a miserable spineless,
gelatinous wreck. Moreover, he
feared that the cold produced by
the current would affect his heart,
and by disturbing his cirulation
bring about a fatal result. In
these circumstances he howled for
help, but the silence of the mid
night streets remained unbroken
except by his agonized voice.
About two.oclock two young men
came down the street, and, attract
ed by the Professors cries, kindly
stopped and listened to his story.
In O. most unfeeling manner they
burst into a laugh, and refused to
give him any help. They even
made rude remarks concerning
beer, and told him that the cool
MIGHT air was good for him. Prof.
Won Schweinhund lost his temper
and addressed to them the strong
est language in the German diction-
airy; but they only laughed the
more, and went on their heartless
and wicked way.
It was nearly morning when a
shapely policemen approached, and
after listening to the Professors
pitiful story, said to him: "See
here, old man, if you're that drunk
that You don't know that you've
buttoned your ulster around that
there lamp-post guess I better
take you in" Light dawned on
the mind of the philosopher as he
listened to the policeman and
glanced at himself in the glare of
the bulls eye lantern. There was
q basis of truth in the noliceman's