The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-03-13
NEW SERIES---NO. 22O
FAOETIE.


"Whyr "Cause / could have lots of
sugar put into me-
There is plenty of room on the top"
as the bald headed man said to his full
beard, Boston Commercial Bulletin
Did you ever see bald-hcaded man
who didn't have such "beautiful head
Of hair till that fever or something
or other, took it of?
One Of the inexpicable phenomena OF
nature is the effect the emptying of u
pan of ashes has in suddenly reversing
the direction of the wind.
He who seeks nomination for office
and finds it not, is like unto him who
attempts to sit on a chair that has been
suddenly jerked away. Hackensack
Republican.
A very disagrecable old gentleman
dies. A nephew, charged with the duty
OF preparing his epitaph, suggests
deeply regretted by all who never
knew him. H. BU9aloF1pfesS.
A school teacher in Iowa had the debt
OF the world all nicely figured up to
cent, when Chicago man went and
got trusted for q Goldfish, and forgot
whether it came TO II or q cents It
was awful mean on the shoolmaster.
A nobby young traveller in Texas
went into n store and asked the pro-
prictor if he had black kids. The
young man doesn't see why the store
keeper came over the counter and broke
up all the furniture with him.
We noticed a somewhat novel exhibit
ton of the national colors the other day,
as a young lady ahead of us was trip
ping daintily across the street, wearing
red hose, a hole in the heel of the same,
and blue slippers. Lochport Union.
Scene at Harvard Chinese class.
Student (who has just failed in Chi
nese sentence, to professor) Thou tea
chest!' Professor (furious)-"What!
you dare to" Student Calmly pro-
ceeds) Thou tea-chest, a most diff
cult language" (Red fire, curtain.)
Had again. Young Hardup: Glad
| met you; got half a sov.a Stodgers
(hinking he is going to be repaid a
borrowed five shillings with alacrity)
Yes, certainly, my boy, have. Young
Hardup: An, then I'll get you to let
me have it, and that'll make fifteen
JUdH
SAY, boy, sayr' exclaimed a hot
looking man with valise, "what is the
quickest way to get to the cars?"
run" yelled the boy; and the hot
looking man was so pleased with the
information that if he could have got
near enough to the boy he would have
given him something-something that
! he would have remembered.
Foote was talking away one evening
at the diuner-table of a man Of rank,
when, at the point of one of his best
stories, one ofthe party interrupted him
suddenly, with an air of most consider
ate apology; Il beg your pardon, Mr..
Foote, but your handkerchief is half out
of your pocket y Thank you, sir" said
Foote, replacing it. you know the
company better than do, and finish
ed his joke
A Yankee tobacco-chewer was in the
habit of declaring about once month
that he would "never chew another
piece" but broke his pledge as often
as he made it, On one occasion, short
ly after he had "broken off," he was
seen taking another chew, why"
said his friend, you told me you had
given up that habit, but see you are at
it again Yes" he replied, II have
gone to chewing and left off lying"
mir. Thompson presents his compile
ments to Mr.. Simpson and begs to re-
quest that he will keep his piggs from
trcspassing on his grounds" Mr..
Simpson presents his compliments to
Mr. Thompson, and begs to suggest
that in the future he will not spell pigs
with two gees Mr.. Thompson's
respect to Mr.. Simpson, and will feel
obliged if he will add the letter E to the
last word in the note just received, so as
to represent Mr. Simpsons and lady"
MIR, Simpson returns Mr.. Thompson's
letter unopened, the impertinence it
contains being only equaled by its vul-
garity.'