Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1881-08-24
EPHEMERA.

/ met him on the cars. He was as
cordial as beech-and maple fire in a
winters night. He grasped me with
both hands, as if / were the staff OF
an American flag in windy day. He
asked after my health, my friends and
my friends friends. 1t was somebody y
1 ought to know, but to indentify the
somebody was puzzle. Now, moth
ing takes the conceit out of a man
sooner, plays the douche-pronouneed
doosh-with his egotism more drench-
ingly than, having rushed up to anoth-
er with extended hand and open conn.,
tenance, to be eyed by him in specu-
lative, lack-lustreless way, and be told,
You have the advantage of me?' 1
knew it, and like a merciful creature
set out to pick up clew without
awakening his suspicion and wounding
his vanity, which is as tender to the
touch as Dahomey shin. And so 1
said, Where did we meet last p and he
replied. Chicago That city is a
poor place for clew-hunting. Dead
failure. Then / said, Let me see !;
how do you write your full name p
and he answered, why, john, of
course l had counted on the habit q
man has of giving his whole name in
voluntarily when he gets started Oh it,
but was foiled. He stopped abruptly
enough to have thrown rider over his
head had he been a saddle-horse. At
last, after a few copper coins of COM
mon talk had been exchanged, / said,
How do you spell your family name p
Why said he, with jerk, Smith
John Smith. You didn't kno,o me-
and the secret was out, end the owner
of the illustrious patronymic, which is
not a name, but q word of one syllable,
went into the smoking-car, and l saw
him no more.
MANNERS.
There is a region in the State of
New York where a person introducing
a stranger to you says, Shake hands
with Mr.. Brown At first, you fancy
it an individual off-hand popularity,
but when everybody bids every other
body shake hands with Mr.. Brown
and they all obey, then you discover it
is the manner of the community. Not
an hundred miles from the shaking
territory, the formula is, Know Mr..
Brown and you know him. Of all
forms of introduction, the sputtering is
the most fippant: Mr.. Brown Mr..
Robinson, Mr.. Robinson Mr.. Brown,
Brown Robinson, Robinson Brown,
B. r., r. b. That illustrates about
the way of it.
Very few people know how to intro
duce you to an audience neatly and
properly, not word too much. When
you are favored with an introduction it
helps you wonderfully to be somebody,
while an awkward, limping, verbose
presentation takes the frill out of you,
and makes you feel like withered let
tuce leaf. Whatever man is left to be
q lecturer, undergoes some rare intro
ductions, and encounters some formida-
BILE committees. As rule, the small
Ter the town, the bigger the committee.
Last winter, in certain thriving
town, / was raided by delegation of
ten men. My room at the hotel had
four chairs, wood-box, bed and a
trunk. The landlord flung wide the
door with flourish, and the ten men,
all in black, like a flock of crows, filed
in, and were introduced by the foreman
of the coroner's jury as 'Mr. A,
merchant of our town, Mr.. b., one of
our lawyers, Mr. c., manufacturer
and so on to the tenth. Then they all
lighted = four chairs, four, bed, three,
woodbox, one, trunk, one, window-sill,
one. Then they got the poor lecturer
in the focus of twenty eyes, and bored
him through and through, and talked
at him. He was perforated hub with
ten spokes, for they all spoke at once.
He could not, for his life, remember
the name of one of them, that he might
say, 'Polyphemus Polfoi, stand up and
be sentenced to death or deaf-mute
ASYLUM Then, the flock arose and
filed out, and the inquest was over.
How much better, had the foreman
said, Lecturer, these are the gentlemen
of the committee How much best,
had he come alone, and left the nine
Just as many as the Muses. Ito main
tain the law, commerce, health and
morals 'of our town. How ridiculous
it all was! A sort of seance without
ghost.
AN INTRODUCTION BY PRAYER.
I may be wrong, but to tell the
Lord who the speaker is, his qualities,
mental and moral, for the purpose of
him to the congregation,
seems to me clear case of indirecsion.
1t is not parliamentary. To petition
the Lord to help the speaker, and bless
the audience with great power of en-
durance, if it is likely to need them, is
eminently proper, but keep the intro
duction out Of the petition. Don't
tumble.
But about the meanest thing a man
can do, is to find out what fellow is
going to speak about-perhvps hear it
read sentence by sentence, beforehand,
and then mars hal what he knows and
what he don't know ON that identical
subject, pack his preliminary prayer
with it, and leave his victim to follow
on with the bones. 1t is petit larceny,
to make the least of it. The writer,
on certain occasion, was to give a
lecture upon an astronomical subject,
and the clergyman in whose church it
was to be given wanted to hear it, that
he might make an appropriate prayer
that is, he wanted to make q prayer to
fit, and he did, for he gave the poor
lecture tfts DR.. Dick, about as good
authority where accuracy is essential
as camel would be on question of
swimming, was consulted, an encyclo-
pedia was drawn upon, and the lecture