The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1881-08-11

l
mashing his optic. 1 was over
joyed at my unexpected deliveranc,
and the Baron and !, feeling il
good spirits, repaired to a salooI
close by, where We laid ou
stomachs on the counter to be re
freshed, and then we went into the
billiard room and played severa
games Of billiards. The Baron wal
the best player, but after be haC
beaten me three games he became
so intoxicated that we could not
play any longer; so he ordered the
bar-keeper, who still had oul
stomachs, to send them to restau
rant, as. we wanted some supper
The Baron then detached his shin.
ing eye, and standing his drum ken
body up in corner he ordered 9
brawny arm that was hanging care
lessly in the cue-rack to guard it,
aad then he turned to me and pro-
posed the theater. So, paying for
the billiards, as l had lost the
games, accompanied the Baron s
eye to the theater and several
churches. At the theater we found
lot of fine lungs on the stage, and
great variety of legs. At one of
the churches We visited there was
a man with heart and life preaching.
His congregation was composed
of people with hearts, people with
brains, and some with ears only.
In another church there was a very
popular preacher, a skeleton with
life. His congregation was a crowd
OF ears. AS we came out of his
church, was collared again by the
twelve hands which bore me swift
ly through the air, following the
two eyes, to the court house, where
| learned that an indictment for
gambling had been lodged against
me, on account of my paying for
the billiards that played with Bar
on Terroro.
1t Is true lost and paid, but l
urged the fact that the Baron of
fered to pay and would have done
SO if he had not left his flank up at
a bank. 1t was my fault, perhaps,
for l remembered that a man was
always fined in parts of our world
above for paying for the games he
lost. The trial came on and | was
defended by three powerful brains
of purest and finest texture, held in
golden cups and ranged before a
jury of twenty-four erect ears. The
judge was colossal forehead, SUP
plemented by well-kept abdomen.
L learned inciden tally that his legs
were of under treatment for gout.
The attorney-general's STATEN was
filled by pair of saddle bag lungs
that Topped about like a worn-out
shuck collar on a hot mule. and
from their hypertrophied enor-
mousness looked as If they had
been drawn by forty-horse tooth
extractor from an Alpine donkey
that had been used to swelling the
echoes from crag to crag through
the measureless gorges amongst
which he was reared. When these
lungs commenced to take in air for
the speech against me the wind
rushed in shrieking at the windows
and the brains over in the audience
that were smallest and commonest
looking commenced to show signs
of liveliest appreciation. The bur
densof his speech was the danger to
the youth of Aquitelus AMI the
great moral damage done to society
In permitting such things, ct id onane
ad raauseuna. Of course l was con-
victed. Six spittoonfuls of brains
could not have availed to rescue me.
The forehead delivered a wise
charge, to- be- sure, but l was not pre-
pared for the cruel sentence that was
pronounced.
The law requires that criminals
should be executed on the spot
where the crime was committed and
l was therefore carried to the spot
where l had fallen. / could see
away up, the hole through which l
had come. A quantity of spark
ling liquid was poured into a large
mortar, which had been erected
where my misfortunes happened
and l was then thrust in and
rammed down and / could hear the
attorney generals grunts of salts
faction as he rammed me home.
At the word 'Fire" l shot out in
the midst of blaze, and was hor-
rified to hear the. states attorney
yell after me:
"Your stomach ishanging on that
peg in the restaurant
l shot rapidly upwards and by
great good luck struck the hole
through which 1 came. and soon
emerged from the mouth of my well
back into my own sweet Arkan sas.
Once again upon terra firma 1t
flashed upon me that mortalI could
not exist without stcmachs, and
although l yearned for the peg
that held my stomach in the Aqui-
telus restaurant, / could not recall
it. Alas! l must must 0iel Good
by, friends, and let me warn you
never W pay OAiAAoANS nhN AOSS ohN
pay in strange country. Better
run your cheek if you get beat, or
even be assisted out OF the hall by
the keepers toe. Ny dying request
is that a tub of rotten eggs be
poured down that well, and may
they fall one by one, and each true
to its mark, mash and spread itself
upon my prosecutors immaculate
shirt-frent, and its prevailing tunes
seek and permeate his clear cut,
Grecian proboscis until he cries
"Peccaviw Farewell, friends, meet
rue in" but the spirit had fed,
perhaps to seek renewed compan
ionship with the stomach made i'm
mortal by its surroundings, and be-
fore weeping friends lays the life
less remains of A B. IGLIE.
"Gsth" in Cincinnati Enquirer =
90 Mr.. Conkling, what are your plans ?"
The late senator, who is as calm as a
frozen goose, said in his finest irony
81 shall first apply to Whitelaw Reid,
John Hay, George Jones and Henry
Waterhouse-what is his name? Oh,
yes, Watterson-to ask their majesties
IL may be allowed 10 practice q little
law in this country, awaiting their IA