Connecticut western news., 1881-07-06
WIT AND WISDOM.

|
 most everybody has slap at him. | THE American horse is doing much to remove the disagreeabIe impression created by American tourists abroad. "-
 THE worlds idea of religion is sexplain- ed by the adage, "Be good and you'll be happy; but you won't have 8 good time." ... ,... .. j.a.a |, q"qorr
 A CHICKEN when stripped of its plum. age is said to be dressed. The girls of the ballet resemble the chicken in this. regard. . .. ......... ....l. | rt,ssaI WHEN the devil goes out to pick up kindling wood the first things that go into his basket are lost honors and broken VOWS. GIRLS, don't think & fellow is gen. tleman because he gives you polite bow. Bowers are always knaves, so 8 euchre player informs us. ...-esf A YOUNG lady graduate may, in after years, forget the title of her essay, but she will always remember how her white dress was made and trimmed. .-T WHEN hen sets on an empty china egg you call it blind instinct. What do you call it when girl sets her affections on an empty-headed noodle?
 IT IS beautiful to gather around the domestic fireside, but the fire ought to be on the hearthstone and not in the tempers of those who live there. s,aga PERHAPS there's DO sadder sight than to see maiden lady of forty or there- abouts sneak off by herself for the pur- pose of rocking an empty cradle. n ,,',
 A MAN who asserted last week that tho world owes him a living was correct. He is now pulverizing stone in the work house ten hours day to collect the bill.
 A rAsT1p1oUs man is one who is pecu- liarly shocked at vulgarity in others, but who exercises great forbearanoe to- ward himself when he does the same things. ..-,......,
 FAME is that mysterious something which the politician acquires andenioys when he has sold his vote and gets found out before the money is fairly in his pocket.
 WE appreciate the kindness of heart of the- friend who presented us with a $2OO St. Bernard dog, which we are hiring boarded at $4 per week, but con- demn his judgment. .-" ..y .a.
 IN ONE of the Saratoga hotels is pla- card which announces that discreet waiter, who was never known to tell even the time of day, has been employed to carry milk punches and hot toddies to ladies' rooms in the evening. 5-.
 WE all think that the world will
 break up when we die, for who will there be to carry it on? But somehow it gets on just as well, if not better,
 when we have left it. How much of human happiness there is in human
 conceit .,....
 MEAN folks in this world? There arel
 A South End father asked his son if he felt too tired or lame to go to Barnum's circus, and when the boy said "no," told him to go and bring up bod of coal. And the boy couldn't say he wasn't able.
 "AH, BRETHREN" said speaker in an ecclesiastical body in North Carolina discussing the question of dancing, "I nightly fear that if we authoritatively
 permit the square dance that some peo-
 ple may soon pinch off the corners and
 make it the round dance"
 IF YOU want to get the reputation of
 knowing 8 heap do as Prof. Proctor
 does. He guesses what happened three
 or four million years ago, and predicts
 what is ro happen 15,000,000 years
 hence. It is only few years since he
 commenced, and now he can get credit
 at any grocery. ...' as , AN uptown butcher, who claims to
 be linguist because he is familiar with
 tongues of Alderney COWS and Berkshire
 pigs. If these be not foreign tongues he is willing to bestow @ moderate re- ward on the person who will tell him what foreign tongues are. '."- ! A LADY of experience gives advice on 5 kissing to a younger lady friend as fol- , lows " Be frugal in your bestowals of l such favors. In the first place, I would l cut off all uncles, cousins and brothers ! in-law; let them kiss tbeir own wives ] and daughters and would not kiss the @ minister, or the doctor, or the lawyer ] who gets you divorce"
 0 A LADY at watering place was trying |. to attract deal of attention at table, e and her manner was none of the finest. {, An old fashioned gentleman quietly re- n marked: "Some people give it all away r. Now I can tell by the way that woman e eats asparagus that she used to hold n clothespins in her mouth when she was is hanging out the weeks washing" -.. y A COOL, deliberate and amiable mar !" who was descending from the steamer J said to his friend and travelling compan ion, "The lady in the yellow bonne ' yonder is my wife. She will be glad t' T. see you. I have no objection to you 70 saluting her with kiss" "Heavens ,o Jones'" said his friend, "now you hav' p taken all the fun out of it..
 a WHEN @ man was profanely express ;s ing his opinion to one who had sold hin r. some kind of quadruped, and by wa. ;s of compliment called is horse, tn ';I jockey replied, "You are commando
 to swear not at all" The victim in
 stantly replied, and with a wit which b 20 did not exhibit when examining tn Il. quadruped aforementioned, "Sf, I obey the command. swear not at all l.,G nA Rnll1,,,ru O