davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
The Bandmaster,s Account.

"Y Yes, seen most of the first fight, "
responded the gentleman on the hy-
drant to the eager inquiries of the re-
porter. "You know the little fellow
came dancing down the street, and
waited right up TO the big one and
fetched him one in the eye. | knowed
there would be cotillion, so chasseed
to one side. The tall fellow balanced
to corners and tripped the little fellow
across the car-track. He jumped up
polkaed around until he sec an opening,
and went In.
/" For two minutes it was all hands
around, TIL the little fellow got a hip
lock and flung the big one. Then he
got up and schottisehed after the little
one, and got in ON his ear. The little
fellow forward toed and lifted him under
the chin. Then they had grand change
for wind, and ladies in the center, which
fetched 'em both down. Then the qua
drille was lively, you bet ! The big one
reeled off and caromed on his eye, and
then it was gents the same for about
three minutes.
You'd think they were walking for q
cake. The little man varsouvienned
about like hot wire, but the big one
stood forward and back till he got q
show, and it was seat your partners for
the little man. Oh you bet she was o
redowa from the start to the finish, only
I'd like to have seen the. little fellow ma
zourka him"
May ask your business ?" inquired
the reporter.
81 play for parties. You might pub
lish my card and give me lift"
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
BE That Your CrestY

In q conversation about his Western
and Southern trip Lord Lymington,
member of the English nobility, told
reporter of the New York World that he
stumbled at n railway station on gentle
man who exhibited most ingenious
thirst for information concerning the
British peerage.
pray how did he manifest this?''
Lord Lynington-Oh, very civilly.
He introduced himself to me very kindly
on learning that / was a traveller and an
En- 5lishman, and offered me the hospi-
talities of the town. 1t was very oblig-
ing of him, but unfortunately could
not stay, so we had chat while / was
waiting for the train. During this chat
his eye fell on portmanteau of mine
which | had caused to be marked for
convenience sake and easy Identification
with the cabalistic figures 100. This he
scanned for some time with ill-concealed
curiosity, and finally turning to me said
rather abruptly: 's1f ! am not mistaken,
you are nobleman, are You not?v
admitted that such was my unhappy lot
Then, said he, ST presume that num-
Der there on your valise is what they
call in the nobility armorial bearings, is
IT not? In fact, your crest?" sHardly
that, / modestly replied. IA number
Is only borne as crest, / believe, by
much more illustrious persons; for exam
pie, the Beast in the Apocalypse.
"Oh, he replied, and then after medi-
tatlng moment or two, asked: Have
your family been long in England?n
"Yes," / said, s'they have been there for
some time, but why do you ask?'
Perhaps the number refers, !" he replied,
ito the number of generations, lust as
they reeite them in the Old Testament.
you know?" EYES," I urhesitatingly
and with prompt mendacity replied.
that is lactly it, and 1 don't see how
You hit IL so cleverly" He smiled all
over with delight as the train rushed up,
aud waved kind farewells to me as long
as we were in sight.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
CONGRESSIONAL SUMMARY.

Numbers Of petitions from temperance or
CARNATIONS n various States praying for constitr-
tonai amendment TO prohibit re manufacture and
sac Of alcoholic nquoEs were presented to the SEN
ate, on Monday, The iith inst Mr.. Saunders re-
ported hack the bin estabHshing the Ter
ritory Of Pembina, and IL was placed on
the calendar. Mr. Booth reported w /,
favorable recommendation the resolutions
authorizing the payment Ct prize money 70 the
olscers q the FarTsgpt feet They were adettesi
The pasta hil then taken up and the steamship
subsidy smeuiment further discussed, aud nnaiiy
laid on the table by vote a "a to IA The bin was
then reported 70 the Senate sud pssSed The re-
funding bill taken up Srd inforrsly laid over
The cattle disesse bin was under eorsid
Grafton when the death Of the Unr
Fernando Wood was announced. and the senate
adjourned. In the House Of Representatives. M
Stephenson presented the resolutions Of ire
Illinois Legislature relative % railroad dis
elimination and commerce between s.ates
The Senate amendments to the Joint reson
ton inviting France 70 join with tie United
States IN celebrating the surrender Of Corn
wallis et YORKTOWN were ccncurred IN Mr. HIN ~
ported back the resolutions declaring tho poiicv ~
the United States IN regard to he fnter-ocesnic
canals. The House went into committee az the Who's
on the Senate bid to provide for funding he sreT.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
Deaf and Dumb BARRIERS.

A man dressed in a thin summer
wooden suit and dilapidated straw hat
entered our sanctum.
Sir" he said, lyon see before You
q reminder of the summers sun. so to
speak. am not from the tropics,
neither am dressed for enjoying ali the
comforts of trip in search OF the North
pole. Excuse me, no North pole for
me" and his teeth chartered. while
culver of icy chiiliness seemed to run
across his whole frame.
"Are you cold r. we asked. "If so.
walk up by the stove and get warm"
No, sir, no! warm as the sportive
African who swings his juvenile upon
the equatorial line. am needy, busted.
broke, sir. You see before You a specu-
lator whose cart is keeled over and
broken, with the horses on a run so far
ahead a creased streak of lightning can
not overtake EN- -Four months since /
started barber shop. Now, thinks I.
I'll strike new beat. So I lust goes
and hires four deaf and dumb tonsorial
artists and then put up notices that Gus
toners conling to my shop would have
q quiet shave by deaf and dumb BARRIERS
and no questions asked. The thing took
on the start, but, when the confounded
BARRIERS pulled their states and began
writing ont the usual questions, blow
me if didn't discover that / was ru-
ined man. Yes, sir, BARRIERS is BARRIERS;
and, when closed my shop, busted up
and started on tramp, just says to
myself it's no use. If dead men could
be learned to handle the razor over
mans face, the blamed things would
have spiritual MEDIUMS asking their VIC
tins the same old line of questions-Ah.
thank yer, sir; ta-ta. With this dime
Ill send a counter-irritant down my
throat thatll knock the thinness out OF
this summer suit and give my stomach
cleaner shave than any barber can. +"
And, az the shattered vase retired, the
perfume OF the roses remained in the
sanctum until an open window restored
the natural tone of the atmosphere.
Whitehall Times.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
A Hint tosEmhezzlers.

They were talking it.over in q restaur-
ant Said the first:
80 you have come down to make a
settlement and try for new start?"
Eyes.
'.How bad was the failure?'
well, / think can pay forty cents
on the dollar, but perhaps not more than
thirty-five.'
ut was all owing to your partner,
you said"
Eyes, he raised money on on. company
note. and slid. !"
''That was bad. He must have been
a thorough rascal Have you made any
effort to overhaul him p
mo-
"But You willa'
ssNo.'' u.
Are you going to permit such D
rascal as that to roam the country I'M
punished?'
81 think / shall. He has almost
ruined me, in business sense, and vet
] can't help but feel grateful to him.
When he slid he took my wife with
himl"
The other looked at him for half a
minute, nodded his head, and began on
his steak without word and with look
of dumb suffering in his eyes. He had
no partner, poor mani = Cincinnati
Gdzgftc
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24

Husband and Wife in law.

The wife has been much advanced by
the general tenor of the legislation Of
late years in respect to her own property.
She has acquired pretty independent
position as to title, control and dispo-
sition, but this relates to her property,
not to his. The law has not yet raised
her to the station of superintendent of
her husbands contracts, and probably
never will. He is bound to support her
and the children which she bears to him.
and in order to fulfill this obligation he
ought to have as much freedom in the
management Of his business affairs Of
the world as unmarried men are allowed
to exercise. In taking wife a man does
not put himself under an overseer. He
is not subordinate in his own family,
but the head of it. The law assigns hi
this position, not FOR his own ADVANTAGE
alone, but as much for the real good OF
his wife and children, and somewhat for
the general interest Of society. A hus.
band left free to lead and govern in his
own family is the most useful husband
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24

to all who may be concerned IN the re-
snlts Of his conduct. That exceptions to
this rule may be pointed ont is no OBJ
lection to or disproof Of the rule Itself
Humane institutions are all more or less
;mnerfect. and their complete efficiency
in practical working cannot be expected
ii every instance. It is enough that they
produce beneficence to the Preat mean
and in the great majority Of cases. A
subiugated husband is q less pleasing
and less energetic member OF society
than one who keeps his true place, yet
knows how to temper authority with
affection. The law does not discourage
coniugaI consultations or free and volun-
tary cooperation in all transaction which
affect or may affect the welfare of the
family. But the law does not
undertake to secure this delightful har-
mony by coercion, but leaves it to issue
spontaneously from tho holy relation OF
matrimony. - Georgia Supreme Court.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
THE FAMILY DOCTOR.

FELoN. certain cure for o felon
is said to be to wind cloth loosely
about the finger, leaving the end free.
Pour in common gunpowder TIL the
afflicted pant is entirely covered. Keep
the whole wet with strong spirits OF
camphor.
CArARRH. health publication says
one of the most prominent causes OF ca
tarrh is the excessive use OF salt ana
heaters, such as sweets, fats, condiments
and starch. This excess of carbonaceous
food excites and infiames the mucous
membranes of the throat, nasal passages.
bronchial tubes, etc. 1t Is also caused
by indigestion and constipation. Head
aches and neuralgia proceed from the
same causes.
SANITARY ERRORS. To believe that
the more hours children are at their
studies the faster they learn. 2. To be-
lieve that the more person eats the
stronger and fatter he will become. B.
To believe that il exercise is good Tor
one it should be taken at all hours and
seasons. the more violent the better the
result. 4. To imagine that the smallest
room in the house is large enough to
sleep in. S. To eat without appetite. 8.
To eat hearty supper the last thing at
night.
CuRE ron HICoouaH.--A medical
journal gives the following safe and
simple means Of relieving this trouble
| some disorder "Intiate the lungs as
fully as possible, and thus press firmly
on the agitated diaphragm. In lew
seconds the spasmodic action OF the mus
Gle will cease. This may be true OF
ordinary hiccough /; but this symptom
occurring in advanced cases of disease
accompanied with great prostitution Is al
most invariably an indication that death
is very near.
How TO TREAT Com. When you
get chilly all over and away into your
bones. and begin to sniffie and almost
struggle for your breath, just begin In
time and yonr tribulation need not last
very long. Get some powdered boraz
and snuff the dry powder up your nos,
trils. Get your camphor bottle and
smell it frequently; pour some on youl
handkerchief, and wipe your nose with Il
whenever needed. Your nose will not
get sore, and you will soon wonder what
has become OF your cold. begin TINS
treatment in the forenoon and keep or
at intervals until you go to bed, ane
you viii sleep as well as you ever did
I'm just telling you my experience.
CoRN SILKS AS REMEDY. - Wht
would have thought that the silk on al
ear of green corn was q powerful ant
efficient remedy for dropsy, for bladde
troubles and for the diseases OF the kid
neys? In the Louisville Medical Neao
we find an account of the medical prop
critics of corn-silk and the cures tina
have been effected by its use. The wa.
to use it is to take two double handful
of fresh corn-silk and boil in two gallon
of water until but gallon remains
Add sugar to make a strip. Drink
trmblerful of this thrice daily, and j
will relieve dropsy by increasing tn
flow of the urine most enormously
Other diseases of the bladder and kid
news are benefited by the remedy
which is prompt, efficient, and grateful
TO the stomach. The treatment can b
continued for months without danger o
| incnuvenience
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
ORIGIN Of the MBaker,s pozen.Y

Close by Market street-now Broad
way-liyed and prospered baker, the
first man that ever baked New Year
cakes-in fact, the inventor OF them.
The name OF our friend WAS Volckert
Jan Petersen Van Amsterdam, COM
monty known as Baas. He was Dutch
from his large feet to his round bald
head, and had no respect for any one or
anything that was not Dutch. He was
a regular attendant at the old Dutch
church, but, nevertheless, in constant
lear Of being bewitched. His wife,
Maritje, was economical even to saving
the parings of her nails, and his ginger
bread babies were always made IN mi
tation of his children. 1t was New Year
eve, 1866, and Baas was in his shop
dealing out cakes for small pieces OF
money, called wampum. He had taken
an extra glass of rum in honor OF St.
Eicholaus, when he heard sharp rap,
and in walked as ugly an old woman as
ever he had set his eyes on.
at want dozen New-Year cookies,
she screamed.
"Vell, den, you needn' sbeak SO loud, :
replied Baas. "Duyyell / amt teaf,
den.
81 want dozen," screamed the old
woman. ssand here is only twelve"
swell, den, und What de duyvel ID
dwalf but dozen?" said the baker.
I" / tell you I want one morel +" she
shrieked.
"vell, den. said he, ..you may co to
de duyvel und get anodder; you Won't
get it here"
From this time on our bakers wife
and himself were made miserable. Their
money and cookies were taken away by
invisible hands; their bread either rose
out Of their sight or sank into the earth;
their famous brick oven was torn down,
and poor Baas pelted with his OVID
| bricks: Maritje became deaf; Baas was
| black and blue from head to toe; and
such q life as he led was purgatory.
/ Thrice the old woman appeared, and
thrice was she sent to ode duyvel. And
at last, in his agony, Baas bethought
himself Of St. Nicholaus, who advised
! him, on hearing of his troubles, when he
counted o dozen to count thirteen.
spy st. Johannes de Dooper, put st.
Nicholaus is great plockhead =
thought Baas and while he was thus
| JUluklLS, DN. MICH utiu fftl1iSucu, dilu III
his stead was the old woman. She re-
peated her demand for zone more" and
Baas, remembering ST. Nickolaus, ac.
ceeded to her demand, when she ex.
claimed, "The spell is broken, and
henceforward dozen is thirteen, and
thirteen is dozen. And, taking Q
cooky with an effigy Of the good saint
on it, she made Baas swear that ever af
terward twelve should be thirteen, as &
type of the thirteen mighty States thai
should arise out of the ruins of the Gov
eminent of Vaderlandt.
| It is well known how terribly st. Mich
CLAUS revenged himself upon those whC
set themselves up against the venerable
customs of their ancestors, and refused
the homage to him to whose good offices
it was owing .hat this, his favorite city
has surpassed oil others in beautiful
damsels, valorous young men, mince
pies, olielxoeks, and New-Year cookies
| = IEar3les.'s -sfx1ustTte.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
A DisorderIy Time

II" want to make complaint against a
disorderly house" exclaimed am erc;tad
individual, as he rushed up TO a Detroit
policeman. o.s
Where is it ?"
Its saloon on the next blo.kn
What can You prove "
Prove? Why, 1 went thore and
asked for drink. ''1u
WelI?"
Ana / got it,
Yes"
But when I went to nav for /. 7
found that had lost my wallet 7 told
HIM Id go out and borrow the mone ,e
put he got mad and went for me
Well, is that all your proofp.
AL? Not by long shotl I've boa
my left eye disordered. I've had r rau
'front.' teeth disordered. Nv nose i f lay
ordered half an inch out Of line. and t ti,;
s24 suit Of clothes wouldnt bring s' e ,i, y
an auction. We disordered the stor =
and two chairs, and if You cant noa 49, :
aisorderly house out OF all tb;s $500 y !
better get out Of that uniform - 'ou =
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
A Bit of History.

The army of the Revolution was made
up of one battalion and three companies
of artillery three legions, three reSi-
ments and one separate troop of cavalry.
and infantry as follows: Three reei-
ments and two separate companies from
New Hampshire ; fifteen regiments from
Massachusetts; two regiments from
Rhode Island; eight regiments from
Connecticut; five regiments from New
York eleven regiments and three COM
panies from Pennsylvania; enc regi-
ment from Delaware seven regiments
from Maryland; eleven regiments from
Virginia three regiments from North
Carolina one regiment from South
carolina two (so-called) Canada regi-
ments; one German regiment one indie
pendent corps; Warmers" regiment
four regiments made up of some CONSOLE
dated regiments; one battalion of odds
and ends, and one invalid regiment.
nlnety-one organizations in all: staff
officers not known in re giments Quar-
termasters and Commissaries must have
been either civilians or regimental Off
GERS. The Engineer Corps was Differed
almost entirely by foreigners. Koscius-
NJ ndo hRpOlulou SOlOuel OF Engineers
In 1776. In 1854 tho army was reor-
ganized, with Gen. Knox as Major Gen.
eral, Baron De Steuben, Inspector Gen.
eral, with rank of Major General Tim
othy Pickering, Quartermaster General.
with rank of Colonel John Pierce WIS
Paymaster General, and Samuel Hodg-
den, Commissary Of Military Stores.
Only two regiments were organized at
that time Of infantry one was called the
First American Regiment of Infantry.
and made up of Massachusetts, and New
Hampshire troops, and the other the
First United States Infantry (which is
now the Third Infantry. No increase
u the army was made until 1909, when
Gen. Wilkinson, as Brigadier General
came to the head there were then one
regiment Of artillerists, one regiment a.
light artillery, one regiment Of LIGHT
dragons, seven regiments of infantry
and one regiment of riflemen.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
Riding HealthfnI.

A correspondent in the Household
says: | have friend who, among other
Injuries, possesses a carriage. and many
an invalid has been gladened and
benefited by ride. Last spring my
friend discovered lady who from long
illness and sorrow was so reduced in
strength that it was with the greatest
exertion she could walk across her room.
She invited her to ride, but the invalid
declined. fearing she was not strong
enough 10 endure the fatigue. but on
consulting her physician be decided that
1t was Just what she needed and would
do her more good than medicine. The
FIRST ride was but very short one. and
on the street railway, to avoid iolting.
When left at her door she qrasped nl.y
friends hand, while the tears flied her
eyes, and said: IF this does not kill me
how shall bless you" Wei, it did
not even hurt her, and the rides were
continued every four days for three
months, when the invalid was entirely
recovered and could and did walk three
miles
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
Big Werds.

Big words are great fayorites with
,,,eeal,le Of lmall ideas and weak concep-
tons. IEcy are sometimes employed
by men q mind, when they wish to use
language that may the best conceal
their thoughts. With few exceptions.
however, llliterate aud half-adncated
persons use more big words than
people OF thorough education. 1t Is
q very common, but egregious mistake,
to suppose that the long words are more
genteel than the short olles--i1st as the
same sort OF people imagine that high
colors ard flashy figures improve the
style Of dress. They are the kind Of
folks who don't begin, but commence. =
They don't live, but reside" They
don't go to bed, but mysteriously ssre-
tire. TLev don't cat and drink. but
partake Of refreshments. They
are never sick, but extremely indis-
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24
The Chicago Maiden.
,.Rnt nana-."

But papa
Not another word. Tn a wildcat
when my backs up, and don't you forget
it."
The speaker was hard-visaged man,
dressed with an elegance that ill-accorded
with his evident want of culture. She
who addressed him as papa" was fair
haired girl Of eighteen summers. Reared
on the knee of luxury, she had never
known what il was TO have her slightest
wish thwarted. Her father, plumber,
was, from the nature of his business, a
man of iron win, but he was not devoid
Of pity or generosity, as many q debtor
whose house and lot he had taken in part
payment of fixing the water pipes, letting
the balance of The account run along for
t5tnaed eecfe lhlais only only child with an
that wealth could purchase, looking for
ward to the time when she would marry
the eldest son of Niagara Falls hack
man, or some person of fortune common
surate with her own. But she had al
lowed her heart to be ensnared by the
wiles OF Cupid, and that morning had
asked her sire's consent to her marriage
with a poor but not proud young man
whose agricultural operations on the
Board of Trade had not been attended
with success. Ii was this request that
produced the answer given above.
Again Cecil pleaded with her parent
not to crush the love that blossomed in
her heart. The old mans mind went
back to the happy days when he told her
mother of his love, and how they COM
menced life with nothing but strong arms
and willing hearts. Placing his tan-like
hand on Cecil's shoulder, the old man
looked at her tenderly and said:
Look ye, my lass. You say you love
this man, and cannot live without him.
Mebbe not. Ihave promised you seal
skin sacque this winter. Let us test
your love. If you become this mans
bride | shall not buy the sacque. In my
hand is check for $780, In the wheat
pit over on the Board of Trade is your
lover; which do you choose?"
Without raising her head she reached
out convulsively for the check. - Chicago
tribune.
Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-02-24

posed +" and instead OF dying, at last
they 'sdecease. The strength O. the
English language is in the short words, :
chiefly monosyIlables of Saxon deriNa-
ton and people who are IN earnest
seldom uss any other. Love, hate.
anger, grief and Joy express themselves
in short words and direct sentences
while cunning, falsehood and aifectation
delight in what Horace calls uerba ses.
Qui3edaiia words {" foot and half {