Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-05-13
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blaze on the roof Of house on Russell
street few days ago, and when the in
surance adjusters went up to make their
survey they found that about two dollars
would cover all the loss.
1.-TWO tollar!'' exclaimed the owner
when he heard the decision. 81 can It take
no two tollar."
sssBut you see yourself that dozen shin
giles and an hours work will make good
damages
ssGentlemens, you doan' put me off like
dot. When my vhife finds dot we yhas on
fire she screams boleece und murder und
falls down stairs. Would you let your wife
fall down sthairs for dot sum. If So goes
home NIT you und sees der fun"
''We do not insure husbands and wives.
but buildings was the reply.
81 know; but mein Oldest poy he runs
for der fire-box und falls a picket-fence
oafer und breaks his good clothes all to
pieces. Two tollar Dot doan' bay me
for coming op here"
Eyes, but we can only pay for actual
damages"
'sDot's all L vhant. Who stole my dog
ven my house vhas on fire? Dot dog ish
gone, und he vhas ten dollars wort"
I'VE didn't insure the dog.''
'tUnd maybe you don It insure dem poys
who sat on der fence and called out: Dot
ole Dutchman s red nose has set his house
on fre!' Do you expect take such sass
like dot for two tollar? Und when der
firemen come here dey break mein clothes
line down nit der ladders, und dey spill
Wasser all oafer my carpets. Two tolIarl
Well, Well! you 60 right AWAY from here
und takes dot old insurance bolicy und
steps him into der mudt!''
A QUESTION OF TESTS. -s'You see,"
observed DR.: Slim, as he banged the pa
tient across the back Of the neck with a
club, s'you see plainly, gentlemen, that
there is no organic difficulty. The func-
tions are natural, and this is plain case
of hysteria.'
81 don't know about that" said DR..
Stout, kicking the woman a fearful lick
under the ear. 'sShe may not manifest it,
but there is certainly sensation there.''
eff you notice." Clipped in DR.. Green,
dropping bod full of bricks On the sub
ject's head, ''she does not act as though
she were conscious. though that may re-
suit as much from hysteria as from spinal
arrangement.
''This test, remarked DR.. Sapp, as he
started charcoal fire on the woman's
stomach, 'shas been found infallible. If
under this treatment she kicks, it IS hys-
terra. If she don It kick we find that even
more potent tests must be applied
sin that case my system is the one to
employ said DIR. Flat, running light
ning-rod through the patient. Under
this treatment we invariably arrive at re-
sults.''
I'm not sure but what we will have tn
resort to heroic remedies suggested DR..
Cruel, emptying gallon of vitriol down
the woman's throat. ''These mild tests
do not appear to conduce to conclusions. "
''Have yop noticed any peculiar symp-
toms?" asked the faculty in chorus of the
weeping husbafld
Observation-Disclosures" sobbed the
spouse.
''What was that?"
..She-died about -twenty-four hours
ago!''
And the question now is whether she
died of hysteria or spine disease, with pre-
pOnderance of evidence on both sides.
BOSTON s'CULCHAW.' -'sIt is great
thing to see the spiritual truth that all ma
ture symbolizes,' said she.
$50 it ISL said he.
"And yet enjoyment is darkened by a
terrible shadow said she.
"Hey?" said he.
ga terrible shadow she repeated,
'that casts most depressing recollection
upon the most exhuberant soul.''
YES" replied he, 'I've felt it when |
I've been short on spare-ribs.''
ION WHAT" she anxiously inquired.
s'On spare-ribs.''
s'But you should be philosophical; you
should initiate Pythagoras'
"Who was he?'
"He was philosopher, an anti-epicu-
rean, but he did not go so far as the
stoics.'
"Where did they go?" asked the Board |
Of Trade man, and gazing at him in amaze
ment his wild Western way began to dawn
upon the cuIchaWed mind of the Boston |
girl, and she said:
''Take me to MAMA
WHAT ANGELS AMT IN THE HABIT OF
DoING.-s'Mrs. Topnoody," sadly remark
ed Mr.. T., after an agitated scene, you
are not what 1 thought you were in the
happy days ofyouth."
oh, l amt, amt ?''
mo, you are not. l thought you were
an angel, and nOw-and now
''And now" broke in Mrs. T.. land now
you find that you are fool, and that an
gels ain It in the habit of singing pots and
dishrags around, and sewing On buttons,
and wrestling with kitchen stoves, and |
making muslin plasters for husbands with |
with the collie, and bossing hired girls, and |
doing the cooking for a big family, besides
going to church and being married to
all the time. No, Topnoody,
angelss amt in the habit of doing such |
things, and it is mighty good thing they
amt or the angel business wouldn't last
ill the middle of next week.
Topnoody did not pursue the converse
Jon further, but put on his hat and went
down street to wonder how many women
we're angels.