The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1881-02-17

MOTT ut 49," chorus answered. "frOce0o
with tho initiation coremonies." immedi-
alely | was struck, but bounced iro tank
of ice water. On recovering consciousness
heard tho nvck.kneed, bsndy-logged son-of'
a-see-cook. who brought me there, say
overwhelmingly, as II cold enough for you 2"
While tho members sang in chorus:
SIS IL cold enough for you, we'll 1 rather guess'
lie viii ask itin the futurcav very little less. 4
Another would-be assassin remarked
re6ectingly while they were bringing
mo to, ut amt so durn rotten hot"
and they all rubbed what was left of me,
vigorously, with brick-bats, corn,cobs, in
fact anything that came handy. looked
around to see If could discover the motive
power which Induced me 10 take that bath,
II was that internal goat.
After wearing out several bricks, a bushel
or SO of cobs aud some gunny sacks, on my
fast diminishing frame, was again taken
before the boss torturer of the institution,
who had cap of many colors, like Joseph's
coat placed on my much bruised head
several small bells hanging thereto, and
asked me how felt. replied, "Oh, first rate;
really enjoy lively and animated society,
but your majesty, have o brother, he is y
hoy, and he has never enjoyed such social
benefits. would like to resign and learn him
to finish what | have begun" "Your unset
fishness shall not be taken advantage of; give
him chance sat down. suddenly recol-
lecting myself, / stood up, (there We're pins
in that chair, the points of which were
turned UP ia quite scientific manner). l
prefer to stand anyhow, in the presence OF
ROYALTY. Said his highneas, "That chair
teaches of the thorny path which all must
tread" hadn't ''tread," but sold nothing.
| The reading of the indictments was then re-
sumed; odd you, or did you not, last spring
sing, or rather howl, "Dear Little Buttercup,"
Ia hymn belonging particularly to our or
der), to he misery of your friends?" Hardly
ever, your highness" "Nos 4, IL and "A;
will YOU swear you heard the candidate sing
'.Little Buttercup." "We swear" "Then
let the purging continue; what will be, will
be, and what won't be mought
happen" l felt sudden shock, and five
gether, broke-buated-k 0h,th
goat! He was preparing for another rush,
when one wsflle-jawed pirate caught and held
him back, while the other barbarians sang in
low, sweet cadences mournful chorus:
ssHe will never-hardly ever, again sing Pima
fore;
| CHS back Is very sore.
I was ordered to proceed once more to the
Judgment seat. l slowly dragged myself
along, thinking of the poor devil who had
lost his mother-in-law, and doubling more
than ever that mother-in-law's existence
Once more l faced my acqusintances;
slave you any thing to say; any unexpressed
wish to speak out ere you enter upon the
new and untrod fields now before you?" L
murmured something about wishing | was q
baby, and a girl-bsby at that, but the judge
didn't hear me and the funeral went on.
: "That which you have been through
teaches you several important facts. When
YOU eat down on our chair Of state you were
filed with pointed pride. 1t should teach
you that it never rains but it pours. The
| lesson from the goat teaches subordination,
also the vanity of human wishes ana the I'M
certainty of futures 1t also illustrates
the irregularity of the trains, and that water
| is wet; keep your heart stout for the future
and all will be WE'LL" am mild-tempered
man, not easily aroused, but that old long
haired con of a pig-iron foundry irritated me
some. / arose in the dignity Of my wrath. |
said, Mr.. Call-for-Some, More Rum, l
, have endured your little plessantries
with an even temper, but will not have the
teachings of my youth upset by theories
which, fred point blank against the armor
, of faith not tensble to hypocricy, and l
hardly think it will, and / will never -.
was getting mixed anyhow when some
thing ran between my eyes, and the next l
, knew was playing circus from the back OF
| that derned goat. Mazeppa's ride was only
a triHe compared to it. Every time passed
a member heard something whiz and felt
something. Jumping Moses and there were
$50 members, and / passed about ten q
minute Ny wild and untamed steed was
finally brought 10 stand still-ho "bucked."
4, sat down violently in large tub OF eggs IN
various stages of incubation. l got up.
Several of the midnight prowlers got long
poles and poked me toward their chief.
, After blowing his nose and lighting vii
famous cigar, he resumed the inquisition
| "You have often told a story Of an uncle of
J YOURS who owned dorg, hunting dorg;
and while running deer one day this dorg
ran against hickory sapling, ssid dorg be-
: ing split precisely in halves by said sapling
| This uncle coming up seized half With each
3 hand and slappisg them together they grew
= Unfortunately be got one halt hind SIDE De-
fore, one half of said dogs nose pointed each
way, ditto his tail; two feet were up and two
: down. The story svery probable, but you
have related it twelve times 70 one man
8 What have you 20 say?' Now / did have or
? uncle. but be didn't like dogs; had y ca
! though, that ran against a picture of mea'
= ak, with tho result above mer toned. bu
do you suppose that gang ofruflisns beloved
|, it Not much. !. / was struck by a jet OF wa
ter, hot water with mustard in 1t, flowing a
2 tho rate of 90 miles an hour; hit just below
, where silver pad" should go; rolled up II
/, a knot, twisted around STICK, and l family
heard the chorus
''Ths water cure is good, the watsr cure Us I'm
= Asd Il a man once tries It he viii nsver iscl