Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1881-08-11
Col. Bagshot's Assistant.

Col. Bagshot runs weekly news
paper called the Union, in Chodunk.
Recently the Colonel was called away
to Omaha on business, leaving the
paper in the hands of an assistant
who had been in his employ some
little time. - ..
Now the Colonel knew that said
assistant had the cheek of a brass
statute and the audacity of New
England fly, both indispensable attri-
butes of the newspaper man, but still,
after being in the city about a week.
he began to grow uneasy, and tele-
graphed to Chodunk: |
"How's things!''
Back came the answer from the
Unions whilom editor:
"Bully! Circulation Of the old
things gone up thousand. Been
getting up a red-hot paper, and there
is a gang outside that are weeping
because they can't hoist the shingles
off the roof, and knock the whole
Lconcern to thunder, Stay away as
long as you like"
| Bagshot didn't waste a moment
after receiving this encouraging mes
sage. ....
He started home IN the first train,
and reached Chodunk before night.
The first man that struck him was
the ticket agent.
"Look here, Colonel!' he cried
excitedly, "I've darned good no.
ton to punch your head, you brazen
, faced old lia,.'
"Why?" asked Bagshot.
"Read that?" and the ticket agent
showed d .crumpled Union into his
hand. &EsfE-t b.
There was paragraph marked, as
follows: 9.rgr ~.sEts
' RAILROAD NEws.-The handy legged idiot
who robs the abroad company at this village
has purchased heys. .ocket knife. More
knocking down from the cash drawer.
Bagshot bit his lip.
"Bill," he said. "that's calumny,
and I'll see it righted in our next.
a It's my cussed assistants work. (
f 81 don't care whose work it is"
e growled the agent, "but if it amt
contradicted, somebody's got to die,
that's ala
Bagshot didn't reply, but sailed
o down the street to the Union office.
Y He had not gone a block before he
q collided with Deacon Marsh.
!, The deacon seized him by the shoul-
F" der and exclaimed:
e "What do you mean, Bagshot, by
IS inserting that scandalous, untrue
r, item about me?"
% "Didn't insert any item," replied
: the Colonel,
.. "Don't sneak out of it in that way
oi you know you did. Why, just Gu
Or it out of the U Union-listen"-
RELIGIOUS INTEIILGENCE.-That white sc
pucher Deacon Marsh, was noticed last Satul
day night trying to open a coal hole in front
his residence with his night key. The Deaco
was full as goat and couldn't tell moonshin
= from green cheese"
10 "Now, that's nice, amt it, sayin
l was intoxicated Saturday night
hv when 1 went 10 bed at seven Win
40 raging toothache?''
be ''It's that reckless fool whom l le
in CHARGE groaned the Colone
he s'I'll make it all right, Marsh,'' an
he Bagshot scurried on again, only
he be confronted by Major Blim.
"Coloneln' uttered Blim, in h
,th deepest tones, this is villainous
its lis my intention, sir, to call you OF
ers and shoot you through the hear
ne. What the deuce do you mean by pu
re. fishing this note in the Union"'
OF MILITARY JorrINGs- Major Blim, the tattt
ed old beggar who hid in an oyster barrel dl
nd ing the battle OF Bul! Run, wears wig.
tho ought to be shot in the back with Il baked app
the 81 can't help 1t, Blim," said Ba
rJy shot, wlping hs forehead, ''it's
owing to that young devil in the
as fee. Just wait, Major, and I'll
rec things"
Then Bagshot started again.
the the post office old Parker grahb
yer him. =,
,ich "Oh, you unfeeling ghoul!" wall
oe- Parker, ''you ought to be rode on
as rail. The idea OF making fun of
poor dead child"
this "How?"
cad HoW! ha'e you .le cneeA W
With how? Maybe you didn't shove t
into the Union, did you, you hes
We less hypocrite. :"
the osiIoAhf.
~, Little Bennie Parker,
o Had stomache pain,
that Rhenbarb and peeac.
den Both were in vain
He kicked the golden bucket,
..yo His parents hearts are sore,
They'll bury him tomorrow
At a quarter past four.
'"s OF course Bagshot had to expla
,T.r and promised the bereaved father
r;oI- 2.column notice of the dead Benn
many virtues.
ma. Hardly had he done so bel
.rful young Cooley appeared.
ize. "Col. Bagshot," announced
moth "you're lying scoundrel. This
raj. nice thing to put in your blackgu
sheet about a young lady,"
ovo- SOCIETY IrEMs.-Miss Cooley, the old ha
wv South street, waltzes around in a patent b
in the hope of catching fellow But she {
rest no never, il she lays the paint on twice as
Ig We as she does now.
But Bagshot didn't stop to hea
for He flew across the square and
. the Union office like flash.
and No one was there. The able as
N as ant editor, warned by friends
ateur known, had busted forever. l.
% on the desk was Union, folded
your that this notice caught Bagsi
the eyes.
r1 an LITERARY MEMs.-The bald headed snip
s pretends to run this paper has gone to Ol
mant We expect to hear every moment Of his
- tence to the pentientiary for arson or hil
"he robbery The citizens of Chodunk should
mned gratnlate themselves If the Colone, does no
-.. grace his village by being hung for infantit
! and Bagshot hever intends to EN-
;: another assistant editor, and jou
s722 10 lists in search of situation will
f: il healthy to keep away from hin
100000 -------
BIT What an Accident Did.
hold It has discovered an absolute
onoad for all diseases of the Kidneys,
;de can now be found in Days HI
40 of Pad. z $50