The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1881-12-22
GOVERNOR PERKINS ON A BUST
HOW FRIsKY BILLY GOAT GOT FULL OF
BEER AND SMASHED THINGS GENERALLY.

A tall, thin man, with red nose. gray
side-whiskers. and melancholy express
sion, drifted into the Office of the Post
last week and asked, in subdued voice,
if there was an unemployed reporter on
the staff just then.
Because, said the stranger, ga very
peculiar thing happened up our way
l live at Hayes VaIley-this morning,
and which, perhaps, you might work up
into sort of item, somehow"
'What sort of thing?" said the man
aging editor, winking to the fighting
editor to get his club ready IN case the
sad man pulled out poem or any other
dangerous contrivance.
"Well, in the first place." said the
stranger, abstractedly, ''do you happen
to know the effect of beer on animalsa"
"Can't say I do"
''It's exactly the reverse of what it is
on me. Instead or soothing 'em, it ex-
cites their nervous organization to the
highest pitch. Actually makes them in
sane"
'Does, cha"
eyes, sir; and this morning, as it was
rather sultry, 1 sent my youngest boy
for gallon of beer. He stopped on the
way and put the can down to play mar
bles. McGinty's old black billy goat
came along and drank up the beer-ev-
cry drop of it,
"Great Caesarr' said the court re-
porter, smacking his lips, regretfully.
"He drank every drop of it, and nearly
choked to death on the can. He stood
blinking around for little awhile; then
he started for street car, with all colors
set. He hit the horse square amidship.
and it foundered at once"
Wrecked, I supposed" said the ed
itor.
Precisely. The goat then glanced
off, killed the driver ard telescoped the
car. I was sitting at the window all the
time, and my attention was attracted by
Governor Perkins going down the street,
hell bent for election
"Governor Perkins2"
''ThaS's the goats name, you see. Nc
Ginty is strong republican. There
were four men getting piano out of
wagon across the street, when the Gov
ernor went through 'em like q pile driv-
er behind time. The Steinway was sent
to the manufactory and the men to the
hospital. Terrible, wasn't it2'
''Is that goat story in one acta" asked
the militia special, getting out his Spring
ncIu.
"In one scene and nine tableaux," said
the stranger, solemnly. "On the next
block the Governor came across q Dutch
picnic, headed by a brass band. The
Teutons were footing Listen to the
Mocking Bird. and the way that goat
stood on his hind legs and waltzed
around the pavement to the music was
just too funny for anything. I may say
that it was actually amusing. 1t slipped
on banana peel once, and fell against
cigar sign.
'Never mind the scenery" said the
editor, motioning to the devil to call in six
of the healthiest compositors.
"Well, pretty soon the band changed
off into Come where My Love Lies
Dreaming
Did the goat Gomez"
''You just bet he did. He didn't fancy
the new tune somehow, and the first
thing the drum major knew, Perky-we
call the goat Perky for short-took him
in the stomach, broke him clean in two,
went through the rest of the band, in-
Guiding the big drum, and so on clear
down to the end of the picnic, which
was four squares long. / think there
were ninety-two killed and eight hundred
and six wounded. Pretty good, when
you consider the entire driving power
was only one gallon OF cheap beer; now,
wasn't it? Now, it occurred to"
''Just one minute" said the editor,
signaling the staff to spit on their hands
and timber up for action. '.Aliow me
to explain what occurred to you. You
concluded to catch the goat when he got
sober, and bring him down here for our
benefit. You have him now tied to
fre-plug around the corner, and if we
will only chip in about four bits for beer,
you will get the animal started and we
can watch the fun"
Exactly" said the stranger, warmly;
"that is precisely my idea. I will now
take up col"
That afternoon, such of the customers
Of tto oa{ H. Al Il