The Corvallis gazette. [volume] (Corvallis, Or.) 1862-1899, 1881-04-15
Mark Twain on Bees.

was down in Caliveras county one
day when I met Bill Smith. We had
been chums, and was talking about his
affairs generally, like the beauties Of
farming, and SO forth and fifth.
tsMark," says he, ''you must come
along to my place and inspect my
apiary."
PEARS says I, ST like pears they're
nice"
sob, no." says Bill; ''apiary-bees,
you know. That's what you should go
in for, Mark, there's money in 'em." !"
begged to be excused. / remem-
bered something about sitting on bee
and not being able to sit on another
thing for days. Bill would have me go
SO plucked up courage and went like
man, (going to PRISON.. We reached
Bills place in time for dinner. Mrs.
Smith was clipper little woman, with
very good taste in setting table. On the
table was some honey, clear, nice and
not bad to take; also some comb honey,
from habit the Industrious female bees
have of combing their back hair to save
time when they are making it, like
economical clearinghouse keepers
killing two birds with one stone, as they
say. Well, it already killed me! got
lot of poor chewing gum out of it.
rolled it round my mouth but couldn't
swallow it. I concluded to reject and
pocket it and trade it off at our store for
genuine old chewing plug. Well,
after dinner we went out to see Bills
hives and honey bugs-pets, he called
them. They were in little boxes,
small hole at the lower edge was the
door for 'em to go in and out of. The
roofs were loose, and Bill lifted one off
to let me see them at work-but I didn't
see any working worth a continental.
They were running around as if they
had let drop of honey to some bee and
couldn't find her.
In the hive was lot of sticks, nailed
like slate frames; they were full of holey
sheets of gum-just the same pattern as
the tripe formerly supplied to the ances-
tors of our aristocratic house by the
pork butchers (see illustration ssa feast
in ye olden time, /" opp. page 848 of eye
Twain Family, their Lives and Breed
ing" by Nathan Muggins, D. O. F.; K.
!. K A. 8. L. With passing tear at
the departed glory of our house, let us
afraid of the critters, though they few
around him and crawled onto him. He
proceeded to explain how they done
their work. "You see Marx"
by the jumping Joe, shouted.
Keep still, " says Bill; Sits only
bee sitting-taint nothing"
...Tain't nothing?" said I; 'tis some
thing something like a red hot darning
needle?"
caught the bee in the act and lynched
him on the spot. Bill put on the roof,
and pulled out the string, telling me at
the same time that a mosquito bite is far
worse than bee sting" I have heard
them say that before and believe ito
be and-I-. That is, regard it in
different light. Another bee jumped
claim on my nose but died -whacki One
went for my eye. I missed, he didn't.
was very energetic in my language just
then, very decidedly emphatic, using
words not beftting Y. M. G. A.
secretary, or superintendent of Sun
day school. Had I stayed little
longer I wouldn't have known myself
When got back to town next day my
creditors fortunately did not know me-
tailor excepted. was pretty looking
object, my eye bunged up, my nose
looked like good sized potato, and
had an illigent squint, and if tried to
speak suffered agonies. couldnt
chew anything, but lived on sanction
like snipe. As for keeping bees, I
won't. No more bees for me. don't
want to sit on them. don't want them
to sit on me. I have no desire for re-
newing or improving their acquaint-
ances. They have no attraction for your
humble and much bewilderea friend.
MARK TWAIN.