The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-04-07
4 Little Difficulty Between the Skele.
ton aud the Fat Woman.

Os-es~..S
'.It feels very warm in this ROOM"
said the fat woman the other day, as she
sat in all her avoirdupois splendor on the
raised platform assigned to her and the
skeleton at the Dime Museum. When
she had uttered this remark she cast q
soft and melting glance at the living
skeleton, who was seated next to her
for contrast. The skeleton shivered.
II think it quite cool enough he re-
piled, lifting one of his inch-thick LEGS
over the other. II differ with you"
replied the fat woman. II am very
warm, and think will raise the win
dow to catch little air. You don't
mind my doing that, dear, do your" she
asked, as she raised her elephantine
arm-measuring nearly thirty-five inch
es in circumference and let it fall on
the skeletons shoulder. The latter
quivered, and at last got from beneath
the weight and turned his full face
three and a quarter inches wide-upon
the lady, and said: Z" I am quite COM
Portable with the window down. You
may need more air; if so, you can move
to the other end of the room" The
fat woman did not lose her temper, but
smiled sweetly on the irate man. As
she smiled, the tiny dimples--each
three inches deep-played with bewitch-
ing ccquetry upon her cheeks. "Iky,
ky, dear, you would not Danish me.
Think of what desolate life you con-
denim me to away from your presence.
would be as one lost. Its too hard, )"
or words to that effect.
Tho blood ,,,chod n TIM oE n1ofor,S
face, and twisting the radius around the
ulna bone, he lifted his humerus and
thus placed his right arm about one
sixteenth around the fat woman
waist. g You will let me, won't you,
dear? just one little breath of air.
am nearly suffocated," said the fat
woman, as she twisted the pupils of her
eyes so as to look over the ridges of fat
that lay beneath the eyelid, and thus
caught a glimpse of the skeleton 8
blonde head as it nestled upon the vast
expanse of her bosom. Just as their
eyes met, the skeleton raised his head
and said, "Let you do what?'' "Why,
open the window" was the cooling re-
ply. "No. I said no once, and |
mean it. As am man, mean it."
The fat woman drew herself up.
"You a man! A sick-looking man, I
should say" she cried beneath her
teeth, and she gave the chain of her pet
squirrel twitch, and pulled him to-
ward her. just as he was about to crawl
up the skeletons leg, taking it for a
branch of tree.
anyhow replied the skeleton, az
am a bigger attraction than you are, If
am little. See how the people stand
before ME, and gaze upon my frame and
figure and wonder at me-"
"Pooh!' replied the fat woman.
''They are looking at me. Your figure!
Why, you have none. Look at the cas-
cades of flesh on my arm. It's more
than wonderful. My face is pretty"
Pretty ugly" the skeleton tried to
get in edgewise.
II am the attraction---not you," the
fat woman continued.
!" If wanted to, and believed what
you said, l would grow fat at once" re-
piled the skeleton.
"You can't, can't, can't, can't, can't,
can't! So there!' said the fat lady,
with evident satisfaction. "You are
afraid of the air. Open the window
and the wind would blow you away"
And she gave little laugh, as if pleased
with what she had said.
cts pity the wind or something
else don't blow you away" said the
skeleton; and he chuckled.
"It's mean to talk to a lady like
that said the fat woman; and great
tears-one to gill-began to gather in
her eyes.
II think it is you who ought to select
one of your size to pick quarrel with, -
was the skeletons reply.
The fat woman moved her sofa so
that it's back was turned toward the
skeleton, and as she sat down she said:
IL shall never, never. never, never,
newer speak to you again. If would
smack you 1 could lay you flat; but
scorn to strike one so SMALL
"Anyhow. I've succeeded in keeping
the window closed" was the .injudicious
retort of the skeleton.
"Indeed you have not, for I shall
open it at once" said the fat woman,
and she jumped down from the plat
form and went to the window and
opened it. A triumphant smile rested
Ou ucT 1dCc dS Su0 IcIuIuCu W uCI ScttUs
and the gentle January breezes blew
their chilling blasts over the frail form
of the fat woman and the manly form
of the skeleton. The latter was power
less to act in the matter. The fat wom-
an was mistress of the situation. They
sat back tn back until one of the man.
ayers happened to pass and noticed the
state of affairs. Each had long story,
but it finally ended with separation.
Now, any visitor to the museum will
notice that the fat woman sits in all
her regal glory at one end of the room,
where she can open the window when
ever she wants to, while at the other
end the skeleton holds court. 1t will
be noticed that he keeps his window
shut. The two now and then cast sly
glaucas at each other around the head
of the giant and the wild men of Bor-
neo. It is also rumored that the at
tempt of the latter to lift the fat woman
is great feather in her cap, for the
wild men, though great friends of the
skeleton, consider him too small to
waste strength on.-Baltinsore AMER