The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1881-01-19
MISCELLANY.
WIT AND WISDOM.

write make their mark.
Man wants but little here below, aud he
gets IT, Bloomington Eye.
I" Tiers, tiers. IDLE tiers as The actor said
when he saw the rows Of empty benches be-
fore hin. Marathon Tadependent
Kissing your sweetheart says a tFilliug
young man, is like eating snup with d fork
ittak Is long time 10 get enough"
A pumpkin weighing one hundred and six
pounds has been raised in Morrsania. II
will soon be knocked into pie = Boston Globe.
Ora misery man somebody wrote, :" Ills
head gave way, but his band never did. His
brain softened, but his heart couldn't"
Countelfeitng," says the Danburg Ne~s.
q has finally got down to where it really cor
Germs us. Bogus 10 cent pieces are afioat."
young physician asking permission Of
lass to kiss her, she replied No, sir;
never like doctors bill stuck in my face"
A Maine paper says "The types last
week made us say that the showers were not
&c, instead of millmen.'"
Auctioneers should know something, but
what do you think of this one? For sale,
large quantity oil paintings by some of the
ancient masters of the day."
What are the wild waves saying. John 9'
sang out Young America to Chinaman on
the beach. Washee, washes," calmly re-
piled The Celestial, with a grin.
A Boston bank adyertises that it will place
money anywhere by telegraph All right /;
place four thousand with us. Our address Is
Rocklind, Me. = Reekland Courier.
Gum arabic dissolved In whiskey will keep
the hair curled in damp weather. Exchange.
A little sugar dissolved in it has the same
effect on the legs.-John B. Cough
An Irishman of mechanical turn took off
his gas meter to repair it himself, and put it
on again upside down. At the end of the
quarter it was proved that the company owed
him 1878.
A bookbinder had book brought to him to
made the following entry in his day book ::
Z" To repairing The Way to Heaven, twenty
five cents"
newspaper commenting on the fact that
farmer nearly lest his life by sinking in a
quagmire, adds, :" Men who do not subscribe
for paper must expect to be sucked in every
now and then"
A Philadelphia quack informs the public
that be is not exclusive. If the patient
wants it gentle and mild I'm homeopath !;
and when anybody wants thunder and light
ming, IN an allopath.'
Senior asks professor very profound
question. Professor" Mr.. W, a fool
may ask question that ten wise men could not
answer Senior" Then suppose that's
why so many of us funk.
When you hear young lady very carefully
say, 81 haven't saw. you may be quite con-
fldent that she is recent graduate from one
of the most thorough Of our numerous female
seminaries. = Cincinnati Saturday Night.
The editor wrote An Evening with
Saturn" ana it came out in the paper, An
Evening with Satan" 1t was mighty rough,
but the foreman said It was the work of the
''devil." And it looked that way.--Norwich
Herald. 4if8
One evening, at Paris cafe, group of
idlers were discussing politics aud people who
change their opinions. "Well,'' said one,
" I've. never cried, Long live anybody"
"Quite so, " remarked one, "but then you're
a doctorn
Persons giving Christmas presents to news
paper men should remember that the fashion
is to give nothing worth less than several
thousand dollars. Anything costing less the
editors can buy themselves-or go Without
Oh CITY Derrick.
There is every indication that the Capitol
at Albany will tumble down soon, aud there
is great unoasness in tie state Of New York
for fear 1t will fall when the legislature is not
in session, and thus be total waste. = Detroit
Free Press SsA
said to my little girl one day" What
large forehead you have. 1t is just like your
fathers, you could drive a pony carriage
round t." To which her brother, five years
old, said, Yes, ma, but on pas you can see
the marks of the wheels"
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