Smyrna times., 1881-10-05
WHOLE NO. 1870.
Current Comment,
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.

Men may come and men NAV 90 but 7
live on fOrever.-Columbia
National sorrows do more to unito =
people than national victories.
National bereavement has united all
sections. Woe to the man who shall here.
alter write Nation with a small n.
II 1aTmer has dressy wife he often il
o"ilged 10 grow grain in the cornfield to
enable her to grOs grain in the parlor.
There should be 100000 kernels of
corn IN fourteen bushels. If corn koans
gong up this fact will be worth remember.
ing.
Rev. DR.. Thomas, of Chicago. was oor.
vlcted Of heresy for asserting in effect that
there was no Guiteauville in the ne<t
world.
All that can be done in honor of the lat-
President has been done, yet how imso-
tent is human effort. 1t cannot dry :,
single tear.
Everybody should note the fact that In.
best remedy known for Coughs. Colds ctc
is DIR. Bulls Cough Syrup. Price only D
cents bottle.
II, as asserted electricity can be used as
food, even that fact will not help the DOOR
1t won't take Jim Keene long to ret M a
corner in lightning.
Send your mourning cloth to the Michi-
gan sufferers. They need it. and it will
not be inappropriate, considering the fear
ful loss of life by the fires.
If the country must wait for a jury
which has formed no opinion in Guiteau's
case it will be a long time before his trial
opens. Wild men of the woods are very
scarce.
In Hayti white men are not allowed to
own property or become citizens, but thev
| are permitted to inhale the same air as
colored people if they don't take too long
breaths
The mayor Of a Western city has Just
been shot while going out on the sly and
another has been caught robbing a mill.
Western people won't allow their MAYORS
to have any fun.
The Baltimore Herald sadly admits that
that city never went largely on sympa-
thy for humanity" This may be true.
but she can beat the world on the con-
sumption of raw oysters.
Some of the papers which reIentIessIy
pursued Garfield during his career are
now trying hard to forget it, but repent
ance can best be shown by treating the
new President with common decencv.
Charles Dudley Warner should have
been paragrapher. He says: If you
have secret you are very anxious to keep
from the female portion of the population.
the safest place to put it is in an editorial
When lovers of Shakespeare get hold Of
a glass of Schuylkill water after a rain
they always exclaim Mercy II may
be remembered by readers of The Mer-
chant of Venice" that 1.-THE quality Of
mercy is not strained
Queen Victoria while at BalmOral, has
a Scotch piper play every morning at s
beneath her window. Then she gets up.
| There is nothing better than Scotch
piper for that purpose, unless it is a good
big alarm clock.
There is q man in California who has 4
snake in his stomach, and is obliged to
drink large quantities of whisky to keep
the reptile stupefed. Between a lively
snake in his stomach and livelier snakes
in his boots he prefers the latter.
The people so loved Garfield that his
cabinet seemed at first thought almost like
a bequest to the nation; but Attorney
General MacVeagh is right, "The Presi-
dent should select not inherit his advisers
If changes are necessary they will of
course be made.
The great and wealthy city of Chicago
has finally succeeded in raising the enor-
NOUS sum of $1,000 with which to relieve
the distress of its near neighbors, the
burned-out people of Michigan. Consider
ing that 5000 represents to the Chicago
mind 60, 600 beers or $4,000 drinks of 10
cent whisky, the donation must have been
a terrible strain.
1t is rather humiliating to think that
despite the large number of Americans
who have gone abroad, the English have
frstlearned to respect our country through
the victory of the colt Iroquois. But, on
the other hand, it is just possible that our
British cousins appreciate a horse better
than they do men.-AtIdntic City RerieW-
Iroquis is good deal better representa-
tive of America than half the puppies
who cross the Atlantic and begin aping
the English before they have been there
week.
TRIAL. BY JURY.-Some believe that