Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-04-20
From the Springfield Republican,
THE FLEXIBLE FIEND.

Last summer my vile received tele-
gram from her mother Visiting in Bos-
tom urging her to meet her in that city
on an important family matter. Let no
one suspect me of intimating that my
respected mother-in-law is the flexible
fend, y from my introducing her name so
soon after the title of my story; but had
it not been for that telegram my expert
ence with said fiend would have been nil.
Arabella was to start early In the morn
ing, and gave me many orders. Be
sure and lock all the doors every night,
Theoph1lus; and, whatever you do, don't
aggravate Bridget, for you know what
helpless predicament you would be in,
if she should take it into her head to
lave"
1 gave all the required promises, and
next day saw Arabella safely on her way.
For a few days all went smoothly
Bridget was, to use her own description,
In 90 in the most iIliganest of humors,
and [ enjoyed unwonted tranquility.
Then came the beginning of the end.
OF course Arabella and exchanged let
tiers daily. eve had only been married
year and half) On the afternoon of
the fourth day her letter contained the
following thunderbolt-in a postscript:
81 forgot to tell you that [ found Aunt
Carraway here, on a visit from the west.
She will come home with me for short
stay, so be sure and have Biddy clean
the house from roof to cellar, as Aunt
Carraway has an eye like a lynx--but
then, you know, Philly dear, she has a
great deal of money"
I understood that "Philly DEAR" at
once. On ordinary occasions Arabella
calls me 'Theophilus. She knew that
I would rather face howitzer than con-
vey her commands to Bridget, but, as
the thing had to be done, her mode of
address was an affectionate hint to ap-
proach the dreaded damsel with the ut
most circumspedhon.
/ began at once Invent to the kitchen
where Biddy was securing pans.
s'Well, Bridget, is there anything you
need from the store? [ may run down
you want-iust as well as not, you
know"
Sugars out, said that maiden lacon-
ically.
Anything else, Biddy," with Pick
'ESure, We might be after fetchin' sup
O tay, too!''
q viii, Biddy, with great pleasure.
By the way, that's a fine fellow that
comes to see you sometimes. Mccarthy
is his name"
cts my cuzzint, shure," said the
bashful Biddy, rubbing away very hard
at the bottom OF a pan.
"A very nice cousin, indeed, and L
hope you will treat him well, Biddy,
every time he comes. By the way, [
have just had another letter from Mrs.
Blodgett She will be home on Thurs
day, and wished me to mention to you
that you might do little housekeeping,
as she expects to bring friend with her
I'll help you, Biddy, pom my word, I
viii" I continued hastily, seeing signs
of gathering wrath on Erins brow.
Next day we began operations While
Bridget " scrubbed and secured, and
grumbled and glowered, / devoted my
energies to clearing out the rubbish in
our bedroom closet, and progressed
swimmingly until I came to an old hoop
skirt of Arabella's. I had once heard
friend say that stove-clinkers and old
hoop-skirts were the hardest things to
get rid of on the face of the earth Burn
it I could not. Break it could not. I
could not hide 1t Id the attic, for Aunt
Carraway would be sure to make an ex-
petition thither within twenty -four hours
of her ARRIVAL If I should throw it be-
hind the wood-shed Biddy would trip
over it, and fracture her classic nose. A
brilliant idea presented itself! / would
bury tin the vegetable garden, near
the potato patchl
1.-The turf shall be its winding sheet"
sang [ trlumphantly, and bore it to the
spot A few spadesful of eartn, few
manly tears Caused by uprooting very
powerful onion near by, and all was
over.
The next day l sat in my library, read
ing an instructive volume entitled
"Enigmas of Life" The door was
thrown open, and bouncing, bewilder-
ing object gyrated along the floor to my
study-chair, followed by Bridget, with
the thunders of Olympus on her brow,
and - yes "a blackened eye! With
wrathful gestures she shot forth her
TRADE:
"An' is it mesilf thatIl be afther
havin' me eyes kilt intirely wild the
murtherin' ovid villin av hoop-skurrt