The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1881-06-02
THEY hRBITRATED.

One day last week a Detroit produce
buyer had occasion to remain over night
with a farmer in Western Michigan.
While eating supper he was asked if he
knew much about law-whether he had
ever served on a jury; if he called him.
self competent man TO arbitrate in an
affair between neighbors, and if he Was
posted on the law regarding breach of
promise cases. He answered these ques-
lions as best he could, and apparently to
tho satisfaction of the farmer, for as
soon as The meal vas finished the sun
Drowned agriculturist confidently be-
gan:
al think you arc pretty square man,
and want you to help me out of lit
tie difficulty. I'll be back in about half
an hour"
He put on his hat and went down the
road, and at the time agreed upon he re
turned in company with young farmer
about twenty-five years old, whom he
called Josephus The only peculiar
things about Josephus were his flaxen
hair, long legs, white eyebrows and
breadth of feet, but he was no mud-sill.
AS soon as he was introduced he open
ed the case as follows;
"There hain't no use in any beating
around the bush. The fact is, when l
first come here, fell in love with Uncle
Sile's Mary. She reciprocated, and we
agreed to have each other. That's cor
rect, isn't it, Uncle Sile?"
81 guess that's about the way of it, !"
replied the farmer.
avail. to make a long story short, last
January gin Mary the cold shake fur q
gal over in in the Bebee settlement.
Mary is good gal, but she hain't even
second fiddle On style or good looks, and
Uncle Sile knows that as well as l do.
Now, then, they've been talking about
q breach of promise suit ON me, and
won't deny they've got a case. I've
been willing all along to settle damages
on a fair basis, but we couldn't just
agree on what was fair. Uncle SIlas
comes over and says you are here, and he
offers 10 leave it out to you if 1 will;
and so If you will act on the case We'll
come to some conclusion"
Where is Nary" asked the De-
troiter.
"Down in Martin county, Indians"
answered the father.
"And she writes home" added Jose
plus, shat she's had nine offers OF mar
rage in two weeks. Them HOosiers is
| lust swarming for her. Them nine of
| fers want to be considered in assessing
| damages"
"And how old IS Sic ="
sShe's only twenty-one, and that's an
other thing 10 be considered. faint
| like as If she was forty, and might have
to go off TO China as missionary"
"And how much property are you
worth 80
avail, I've forty acres of scrub land,
an old COW and mule, and l reckon
! the traps around the place might bring
| SO at auction. That's honest Injun,
| and Uncle Sile knows it.'
"Yes, that's about the way he's fixed.''
said the farmer.
land another thing you want to con
slider is the fact that amt purity. If
| was purity the gal might claim high
/ damages, but I'm about as internal
| homeiy as Digger Injun. Add to this
fact that / am an Infidel, and that
| can't sing, nor fiddle, nor dance, and am
too lazy to enjoy billed dinner, and
what has the gal lost by not marrying
me?"
"And you are both willing to leave il
to meg"
Il reckon" they answered together.
"Well, all things considered" said tho
Detroiter after due reflection, my yer
dict is that Joesphus drive the old COW
over here in full for damages. What dc
you say, young man: ="
1.-THE COW is worth $14. but I'll do i
rather than have any hard feelings"
"How is it with you, Uncle Sile? %
@Wall, guess that's about fair. l had
been sticking out on $15 in casi, but time!
are purity clus and want to give Joe (
fair show. Con git the erittur, Jose
plus, and we'll have the papers made
bout, treat the stranger 20 hard cider. ane
20 TO bed feelin' that we are good friends
as before you gin Mary the shake. DE
troit Free Press.