Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1881-12-10
I'd Edition.
A Novel Investigation.

WHAT HAS COME FROM PAsouINApINa A clERY-A
SENSATION IN THE SURGEON GENERALS OFFICE
The clerks OF the Office OF the surgeon general OF
the army are In a fever heat OF interest and any-
iety over an Investigation pending In that office
lie Is all about some lampoons and caricatlres left
on the desk OF clerk who had Incurred the dis
Ike or his associates in the Office. The investi-
CATION, which has been In progress during the
week, is directed towards discovering the culrrit
who deposited the obnoxious writings and carica-
lures on the desk IT has beca brought down 10
a point where Justice, blndfoGed, gropes In
the dark In search OF the offender for none OF the
CLERKS will disclose anything they know about the
matter. Several OF these continual iuus clerks are
under a threat OF dismissal, but they stfil min
tain silence with n Spartan-like herosm. The
lampooned clerk goes 10y the title OF captin. It
Is alleged that his p0mp0sity and SuperCiouS-
ness have been the qualities that have brought
him to be Gisliked in the Office. one instance is
mentioned that illustrates the character OF all the
One OF the clerks, looaiag for a boarding no use.
happened TO call unwittingy at the place where
the captain boarded, and was seen there by the
captain When he went away, the captain called
upon his lady and asked if that person, meaning
the Innocent clerk, Ind applied there tor board
When informed that he had. the capt lin drew
himself to his full height, and with the pompols
dignity OF Judge Finn, when that functionary
made his memorable declaration
''The tribe Of Firms
Know their own whiskey skins"
ne declared that he would withdraw his own
patronage from the house If any OF the clerks Of
the SURGEON Generals office were admitted there.
de would not, he said. be compelled to associate
with such persons. This and other alleged decla-
Tauoas naturally made the blood boil with Virtit-
Gus republican Indignation, In the veins OF a
Surgeon Generals clerk, used to the cold presence
t Oh skeleton tons, and grinning sSul!s about
commenced to discharge iampoo asen and carrie carca,
lures at the captain These lampoons were
printed and circulated In the Office. The captain
became laughing-stOck. Circulars containing,
Cne innings OF the court-martial upon which the
captain was dismissed from the army also found
their way mySeriously into the Office. The gravest
of1ence-one which directly attacked the captains
prde-was the circulation OF poetlcal pasqui-
made, entitled ''The Scape Goat" the text OF
Which Is as followS-(air, Captain Jinks):
"I'm Captain Swells of the S. G. O.,
But this III plainly have you know,
The other clerks are too low
For QatOnddn Cap Of the Army:
Some time ago Lwore the Straps,
From Reveille to sound of Taps,
And only for some slight TaiSItaDS
Would lord it still IN the army.
Chorus by Searchers>
He's Captain Swells of the S. G. O.,
From the Army he was forced to 90;
For bedttng his WhSky-nOt the foe,
A Martinez Of the Army.
Among the clerks though cast by fate,
don't with them ASSOCIATE,
Nor they presume with me to mate
Q',oltddh1 Cap Of the Army.
so let them swear ctwIXt and you,
The c. Nj. files Will prove it true;)
That disgraced the army blue
And was FIRED out OF the Army.
Chorus by Searchers, Researchers
and Skeletons In the MuSeum)
Hes Captain SwellS of the S. G. O.,
From the army he was forced to 60,
For beating his whiskey-nOt the zoe,
Martinez Of the Army"
The Captain, whose name is net given correctly
IN these lines, has threatened the unknown author
with a libel suit Meantime the clerks of the
Office are perspiring in anxiety to know the result
or the investigation