The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-06-01
The situatiea g.sgia.ned.

morning that they couldn't do any
business because Of the dead Alr
Lock. Did you know him p
That aiu't q Congressman" said
Mr. Spoopendyke. You read that
there was q deadlock in the Senate.
Wasn't thatit?"
"Yes, and / read It ell through,
and when ] found bir. Conkiing felt
so bad about { ] thozght Mr.. Lock
must have been o Congressman"
NO, he isn't either The dead
lock means that tie Democrats and
Republicans can't agree"
Good gracious Have they lad
another falling out2 | should think
that Republicans wouldn't fight the
poor Democrats any more. What
have they been doing nov
They haven't been doing any
thing. Senator Malone, Of Virginia,
went over to the Republicans, and"
II see" interrupted Mrs. Spoopea-
dyke, and Mr.. Conkling won't have
him Confirmed. Though | can't un-
derstand why they should interfere
with Alr. Mahone's religion. ii the
poor man wants to Join the church
T."
who wants TO Join the church &?
Who's a church? Think 3ir. Conk-
ling's bishop? Got an idea he's an
altar2 S'pose hes 2 God casted
chapel with ivy all over hira, q spike
fence and q chime rof bells? It's
Stanley Matthews lie don't want
confirmed" i"
Il read about lin too r5oincd
Mrs. Spoopendylie. Hes Mr. Gar.
fields collector, isn't he ?'
"No, he amt. That's Judge Rob-
.ertson. Alr. Garfield wants Judge
Robertson for collector, and 1lr.
Conkling Is opposed to him.
i don't see why he should be.
Though Of course, I should suppose
Mr. Garfield would rather have q
man ike Alr. Malone, whois going
into the church.
Where S your sense b. snoltcd 1ir
Spoopendyke. -Wha. 10 you want
to mix things up f0r2 Irving to
make a grab-bagof prominent Ameri-
cans? Stanley Matthews is q can
didate for Judge. Mr.. Malone is al
Senator, and Bobertso,, 5 appointed
Collector, bus Ike Matthews, hasn't
been confirmed. Iouc3n eet-rocgh
that?7
.Of course. / under md that,
but / don't see any excu. for fght-
ing the Democrats, unless they think
that Mr. Robertson would collect
money from Mr. Malone, and Mr..
Matthews would send him to ;ail.
In that case it
IN that case It would take you TO
straighten them out 2 squealed 5lr.
Spoopendykc. ~What'reyou trying
to get up now, an idiot asylum? are
YOU planning for q murder and try
Ing 70 get up an insanity plea ?
What dye think Robertson going 20
collect hens? Got 4 notion that
Matthews is q penitentiaTy, sitting
around to be leased out? Imagine
Malone to be the National debt?
Well, they amt, they're men l tell
you-mcn with legs," and Mr..
Spoopendyke kicked out both his
own foot handles by way OF illus-
tration. "Conkling is opposed to
Mr.. Matthews and Robertson. lie
says they shan't be confirmed, but
ne Is a friend OF Malone"
That's what I didn't see, said
Mrs. SpoopendyEc. Il am glad Mr.
Malone viii be confirmed, though
| don't care ior Matthews and Air.
Robertson. 1t viii teach them TO
repent their sins and no. fly into
the ways Of Providence. Ina glad
Mr.. Conklingis good Episcopa-
liam.
"Ohl he's q prayer book ?" howl
ed Mr. Spoopendyke. You've found
him outl Oh, we've got him. all he
wants IS a red cushion on a rack /
nailed up in front Of him to be a .
blasted rnourner's bench Didn't Il
tell you he's a Senator? Do yo1
know what q Senator is? It's some (
hing shaped ike 4 pie-a cherry +
pie Understand it now 2'
"Apd is Mr.. Malone a Senator,
.oo" asked Mrs. Spoopendyie, a
new light dawning on her. +
oh, no he ain't 4 Senatori" grin
ned Mrs. Spoopendyke; he's light
ming rod to keep spooning idiots
rom falling overheard. Begin sec
ng into il? And they want him con +
irmed, so if he finds any dod gasted
1ld female named Spoopendyke .
Stopping into a canal, hell slam 4
,hurch on top OF her P, Got the
dea?"
Upon my word, my dear, re-
Mr.. Spoopendyke, "you 4
ak extrayagantiy. Mr. Malone
night fight Democrats, but he never
would 90 round throwing churches :
i women. don't know Mr.. Malone,
lut | don't believe thing OF that ,
lind. As for Mr.. Matthews ard
,Ir. Robertson, they know their own {
business best, but il they have !
ibused Mr. Conkling, l would never ]
cad one OF Mr. Matthews decisions,
md Mr.. Robertson might call here
very day for month and he could
lever collect the paper bill. / don't
hink its right TO trust such men
With the contribution box, and !
;now the missionary ladies would
.eyer permit him 10 eollect the sub
That's it yelled Nr. Spoopen-
lyke. There's the science Of Gov
rnmentl al you want now is
aloon in the basement TO be the
National Capiloll What you need
5 a gas meter and a veto to be an
White House When !
robertson comes here for the milk {
ill, you pay him you hearl and
shen Matthews IS Justice Of the
'eace Of Brooklyn, you have Conk- y
ing arrested for stealing coal, you
rear? Thatll fetch it You've got {
lie idea now All you want to do
: to live all summer in the Soldiers
lone 10 be q complete Administra-
= a i ] = \