The Osceola times., 1881-01-29
WAYS OF THE WORLD.

WAYS OF THE WORLD.
The only gifl is portion of thyseif.
To form a brave man, educate boldly!
HUMOROUS articlc-a baby with the
rash.
WOMEN. like railroads, are incomplete
without switches.
THE only tick" some people can get IS
the tic doloroux.
NoopLr-a person who hasn't sufficient
backbone to be a fool.
To REMOVE superiluous hair-send your
well filed mattress TO cheap uphols-
terer.
THE Boston Troreier thinks there is
large amount of journalistic talent among
women.
YovNG lovers and publishers of SUM-
day newspapers usually go TO press SAT
arday night.
"WuAr made Adam and Eve fall?"
Why, don't you know, they stumbled
over an apple?
An egg plant, with flower resembling
a large goose egg is blooming In Ne"
York window.
.T,rrs. tiers. idle tiers as the actor
said when he sew the rows OF empty
benches before him.
WANrEp--a bank. 1t must be sound
in every respect, gentle and KIND, ana
warranted not to break.
In view of the scarcity of fuel, II is
suggested that parlors be closed promptly
at 9 O'Clock Sunday evening.
An exchange speaks of n man being
"gored by an angry bull as II GOOD
natured bull would do such thing"
THERE is said TO be no enthusiasm at
horse races in Germany-"no manifesto
tions of ioy. no cheers, no excitement"
ALoSzo wants TO know "if it hurts
man TO be called liar" No, Alonzo, no.
1t is more likely to hurt the other man.
A CHICAGO paper advocates the right OF
Young girls to stand on the street cor
ners to see the socks Of young men who
gross the street
THERE are rumors from New York that
Mr.. Speed is to succeed Ballard smith on
the Sun, and that Mr.. Bodley is develop
ing into humorist.
AMAN may smile and smile and be
book agent still.-( Boston Globe. You
mean book agent talking. Who ever
heard of book agent still?
A COLORADO season is said to reduce a
2OO-pound man to l75 pounds. Gentle
men with bulging facades will presently
be striking out for Colorado.
A COLLEGE is a place where young
man is kept during the period he is sow
ing his wild oats, and thus relieves his
family of the annoyance OF having HIM
about.
"A FEMALE dog, S23 So" was charged
M to the State by the managers of the
Wisconsin Insane Asylum, and the peo-
pie are bowling, forgetful of Fido's faith
fulness and sagacity, especially when IT'S
lady Fido.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN, negro from LIZ
IBERIA, came to this country in search OF
n sister. He was robbed of 5000 in New
York, arrested by the police and is now
in the poor-house at Amityville, Long
Island. cogitating over a hospitality
which he did not expect ina country that
sends out missionaries to civilize his
race.
PHALIIc Chicago headlines: "A Novel
Negative-The Effect 1t Had Upon the
Chief Engineer of Camera Shop at La
Salle-He Was Given TO Writing Anony-
nous Letters to Ladies, Soliciting an APP
pointment-At Length He Wrote to the
Right One, and She Gave the Document
to Her Husband-A Meeting Was Ar
ranged For, But the Amorous Swain En-
countered Boots Instead Of Beauty-He
is Now Laid Up for Repairs, and VIII BE
Prosecuted When He Receivers"
A sHERr on a British mail and passen-
ger steamer, while fattening for the table
developed marvellous taste for tobacco,
which it ate greedily. This habit was a
most conservative measure, since the
cook was afraid to kill the animal lest
the mutton might be favored with to-
hacco. 4 kitten, five months old, had
liking for salads. Cucumbers dressed
with vinegar were consumed with avidi-
ty, even though hot with Cayenne pep
per. 1t ate boiled beef with mustard,
and its mother was once seen to eat a
slice of cucumber which had upon it salt,
pepper and vinegar.