davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14
A Difference in Pronunciation that
Cost County $500.

A few weeks ago, in Pittsburg, Pa,
and before Judge kirkpatrick, a case
was tried in which farmer living in
one of the outlying townships was the
plaintiff and the county the defendant.
Some time ago, as little daughter of the
plaintiff was crossing the creek, a foot
log, which was the only bridge, broke,
and the little one fell into the water and
was drowned. A suit for damages was
instituted, but it did not come up for
trial until few weeks ago, when the
jury awarded the plaintiff damages in
the sum of $500. A little story in con-
nection with this verdict has Just leaked
out, which, if it is true, and it was re-
lated to the reporter by reliable gen.
tleman, will have a tendency to con-
vince most people that only the most
cultured jurors should be selected to sit
in court presided over by a Judge of
such eminent culture as his Honor,
Kirkpatrick.
d. L. Watson, Esq, was counsel for
the defendant, and in his address to the
jury stated that "if the plaintiff knew
the route (pronouncing the word rout)
over which the child crossed the creek
was dangerous, and had not sent her
over another route, the county could not
be held responsible for any damages
which might ensue." This evidently
struck Judge Kirkpatrick as being pref
ty sound logic, for in his charge to the
jury he repeated the statement. Unfor-
tunately for the county, however, the
Judge in this instance adopted the pro-
nunciation for the word route preferred
by a great many men of culture (Which
is quite correcD, and informed the Jury
that !" if the plaintiff knew the route
(rooD was dangerous" etc., the county
could not be held responsible. The
jury retired, and, much to the surprise
of all the attorneys who had watched
the case, soon brought in verdict OF
$500 for the plaintiff.
A few days afterward w. D. Moore,
ESQ.,, happened to meet one of the Jury
men in the Courthouse rotunda, and
almost the first question asked was
"How in the world did you jurymen
reconcile your verdict with the Judges
charged"
"Why," responded the juror, " we
had no trouble on that score. The
Judge informed us that if the plaintiff
knew the root was dangerous, the county
was not liable. Now, all of us knew It
was not root which broke and caused
the child's death, but rotten log, and
we could not return different verdict"
1t is not known whether Mr.. Moore
informed the uncultured juror of the
fact that the proper pronunciation of the
word "route'' was either "rout'' or
"root," but at all events, those who
have been made acquainted with the
circumstance enjoy it hugely, and al
lege whether seriously or not is not
stately that Judge Kirkpatrick's pro-
nunciation cost the county $500.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14

then proposed by an undertaken liv;no
in a diphtherical district, but that was
going little too far. A stranger who
should ask the way to Manager of Oh,
sequies' shop would raise a smile. and
smiles didn't work in with the under
takers business.
Funeral Manager y was then pro-
posed, but a majority were opposed to
the term manager in any shape. II re.
minded them of theatrical troupes and
opera-houses and play-bills. econ
ductor of Obsequies " was likewise nro.
posed and rejected, and the convention
was in despair when an old bald head
who has laid hundreds at rest, suggested
" Funeral Conductor 1t was hit.
while it might remind some of railroad
trains, yet each human life was but q
train speeding from the cradle to the
grave. 1t was at once decided "bv
large majority" to adopt the name. and
to frown down any attempt on the mart
OF the public to perpetuate the old term.
Detroit has no more undertakers. The
costly curtains behind their plate-olass
windows read: Funeral Conductors. y
in gold letters and graceful curves
Their offices are filled with flowers. sam.
pie collins are covered up, and a
stranger would imagine himself in an in
surance boudoir. We don't like il at
all, but it will be so. We wanted to he
laid away by an undertaken in plain
black, mild of speech, sympathetic of
soul, and soft of step; but change has
been ordered and our ideal will proba-
bly, wear his hat on a rake, have flash
tie, sport big seal-ring, and s'conduct''
the services with presence stolen from
some actor. Good-by. old .undertaxeri
We used to take solid comfort in drop
ping in on you and watching the soft
rub of your hands, the eye which looked
nothing but pity, and the step which had
no jar for sore heart-strings. You had
Grape and collins piled about you, and
one was solemnly warned by the SIGHT
thereof of the flight of time and the
grand hereafter. You had a good word
for all your dead, and you kept the word
&c business" apart from the word oafflic-
tion." We shall see you no more as an
undertaken. As s'funeral conductor"
we will bring out our trotter and beat
you best two in three for oats or hay
Detroit Free Press.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14
TIE YEARS.


The years are all alike. With childlike laugh
ter
They follow butterflies with endless wings
They peep into the birds nest they look after
White lambs and other pretty little things.
Then, in the first flush of their youth, they
bring us
Shy gifts of violets in gallant way;
And ahi what charming low love songs they
sing u.s. Ei f3tTStF N8
From leaf green shadows, where the wild
doves stayi
But somewhat later they show bearded
faces, ,lAt15fs $3.50 a
And sway the scythe and bear the shears
about
In the hot fields, and quite forget the graces
They had of old-as others do, no doubt.
Still later. they go out for us and gather
The scarlet fruit in and the yellow com,
Or walk about the whitening woods, with
A faded look, and sigh and seem forlorn.
Then they sit very still and watch the embers.
Behind the eurtains in some pictured room,
While each one somewhere in his heart re-
The dew, the summer moon rise, and the
bloom. ~ ''it'
Then comes the last night watch, the lone
some tapers, io 9rE H
The few tears of the many, prayers quick
The black lined columns in the morning pa
perS,
And-yes, the many virtues of the dead
Mrs. S. Al. B. Plat, in ~. Y Independent.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14
Offered His Own Medicine.

Letters of recommendation, like
curses, sometimes come home to roost.
Not many months ago Attorney General
Mac Veagh gave a young man named
Knox, who was an applicant for q po-
sition in the Census Bureau, letter OF
recommendation, in which he told Gen
Walker: "Were / in your place, /
should appoint Mr.. Knox at once, even
if it were necessary to discharge some
less competent man to make a place fol
him." This was before MacVeagh
dreamed of becoming member of the
Cabinet. Knox didn't get a place, but
when MacVeagh was appointed Attor-
ney-General, he started for Washington
with the letter in his pocket. 1t occur
red to him that this would be as strong
a card as he could play. He hardly
knew how the Attorney General could
discard his own Endorsement. When the
applicant, filed his papers Mr.. Mac Veagh
was extremely surprised at the neat lit.
tie game which had been played upon
him; but the young man has not yet Sc
cured place = Chicago Inter Ocean.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14
That Old Shoe.

Enterprising confectioners have a
fashion nowadays eliminating old shoes
in chocolate, and putting them up in
their shop-windows. One Boston CANDY
dealer, in a merry mood, hung up real
old shoe in his window. The thing took
amazingly. Nobody ever saw such a
perfect counterfeit" Among others
who stopped to admire it was wealthy
bric-G 6rac collector from the South End.
AS soon as he had fully surveyed it from
the outside, he entered the store and in
quired for the proprietor.
g Is that old shoe for salep'' inquired
he.
"Well, hardly know myself,' an
swered the proprietor. 81 did not put
it there with an idea of selling it, but
merely for an advertisement; but it at
tracts so much attention as to impede
public travel, and fear shall have to
take it in. As have no use for it 9TH
erwise than as an advertisement, 1 pre-
sumo would dispose of it,"
"Do you know whether there is an
other like it in the city?" asked Mr..
Connoisseur.
"To the best of my knowledge and
belief" replied Mr.. Confectioner, "its
exact duplicate does not exist. 1t was
made in France. There was pair of
them originally, but the other one got SO
badly broken that it was worthless for
any purpose, and was thrown away"
"What value do you place upon the
one in your Window" asked Mr.. Con-
noisseur.
The original pair" said Mr.. Cons
fectioner, "cost ten dollars to import
Presume this ought to be worth half
that amount"
Certainly it ought" said Mr.. Con-
noisseur, "and I'll give you that for it,
for it is the best thing in its way ever
saw in my life."
"Very well, sir, you can have H." as
he took it from the window, to the great
disgust of the crowd outside, ard pro-
ceeded to wrap it carefully in tissue
paper.
He then deposited it in neat bon
bon box, wrapped the whole nicely in
white paper, and tied it neatly with
pink string. Mr.. ConnoisseuI paid his
five dollars and left the establishment
with the package under his arm, happy
in the consciousness of possessing one
of the finest specimens of fac-simile work
that had ever been seen in Bottom.
The crowd in front gazed upon him
with kind of admiring envy ashe passed
out of sightin the direction of his palatial
Back-Bay home.
The confectioner waited day or two,
in the hope of call from his customer,
but as he didn't come, the following note
was dispatched to his residence:
MY DEAR STR-Inclosed please find five dol
lars. the amount you paid mefor the old shoe
If You still admire it you will please retain it,
with my compliments, as | haveno further
use for it. Yours sincerely,
1t is needless to say that the old shoe
was genuine French leather shoe, in
the last stages of dilapidation, worthless
even to make pair of hinges for hem
coop door, which the confec5ioner had
picked up on an old dumpirg-ground,
on his way to business one morning,
when the idea of the joke occurred to
him. Youths Companion.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14
A Fable---HoW the Coon Presided.

Once upon time there was general
assembly of fowls and animals, called
together to discuss the question of re-
form. The Tiger shed tears over the
wickedness of the Rabbits, the Hyena
wept at the rapacity of the Vultures and
the Wild Cat pressed his paws to his
aching heart and sighed over the vii
lainies perpetrat ed by the Rats and
Mice. A venerable old Coon was made
chairman of the meeting, and after
clearing his voice he began:
"My friends, there is great need of
reform. We are drifting down to per-
dition at race-horse speed. Speak,
brothers. speak, and let us have full
and frank expression"
81 am for reform, - said the Tiger, as
he rose up. 81 see the Coons out ev-
cry night stealing corn and raising old
Ned generally, and l hope they may be
brought to see the error of their ways"
Reform is my watchword," began
the Buffalo, as he secured the floor,
"and | hope the Tigers will commence
the good work in their midst. The Tiger
who just addressed you has the blood of
my slain calf still on his lips"
cit is my opinion" began veteran
old Hyena, " that reform is most need
ed among the Vultures. They have
become so bold that | hardly Stand a
show nowadays to find a carcass for
myself.
"And since men have taken to carry
ing guns and swords l hesitate to at
tack them," said Wolf. "I move
you, MIR. Chairman, that it is the sense
of this meeting that men no longer 90
armed" t -s,
Hear what have to say" pleaded
the Wild Cat. " move that the Panther
be censured for eating fiesh.n
"And my friend the Crow should be
forced to let grass alone" observed an
Elephant.
"In order to get the sense of the
meeting, l move that we no longer eat
flesh, Z observed Deer. 3ol
81 move to amend by substituting the
word grass promptly responded a
Amendments and resolutions were
coming in like the Pacific Express, when
the old Coon in the chair called for order
and said
"My friends, let us begin our reform
by routing out the Serpents."
''No! mol" protested Fox, "I lease
my cave to a family of Serpents at ex-
cellent cash figures. Let's drive the
Worms out of the country"
''But we feed on Worms,r chirped a
hundred Birds. ''Drive them out and
we'd starve!n liaI 80
Thus they continued, each one anxious
to preserve whatever was good for him
self and sacrifice whatever was good for
his neighbor, until the Coon cut the dis
cusslon short by saying saie Hilr
''Orderl Orderl Now, then, any bird
or fowl who is willing to begin this re-
form campaign by sacrificing personal
gains please stand up"
Everything continued to sit. unu
swell, then, any one willing to beein
the reform at home and under his own
hat please stand up"
No one stood up.
81 think we have bitten off more than
we can chew" said the Coon, as he laid
down his gavel. "This is avery wicked
world, and there is great need of re.
form, but when Tigers set out to reform
liyenas ana Wild Cats find fault with The
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14
s. Men,"

Ten minutes after the Flint G. Pere
Marquette train had pulled out of the
depot yesterday noon young man with
q grab-bag in his hand and a cigar in his
mouth sauntered in as if he had half an
hour to spare. After walking up and
down for about five minutes he stopped
at the ticket window and asked: :.
&c Has the Flint train gone yet?''
6 Yes, quarter of an hour ago."
"The deuce! Why, 1 was to go on
that train!"
"Well, you didn't
"That's so, and I'm placed in an EN-.
barrassing situation. 1 was to be mar
ried to girl up the road tonight. No
other train, suppose?"
"No, SIR"
"And can't get thereP''
"Perhaps you could hire a locomo-
tive"
"Ah! perhaps / could. I'll finish my
smoke and go and see about it."
After the end of his cigar had been
reduced until the fire warmed his nose,
the young man went up stairs and said
to the Superintendent:
"Could you, ah, for about five or six
dollars, ah, give me a locomotive as fai
as Flint, ahP''
No, sir.''
"Ah, you can'tp Well, that's bad
ish. l was to have been married at six
O'Clock this evening. l might say seven
dollars for locomotive"
"And you might say seven times
that"
"Couldn't do it-'pon honor, l
couldn't, though III go down and smoke
another cigar and perhaps make you
another offer after a time"
He lit another cigar and paced up and
down, and all at once began hunting
his pockets. He shortly pulled out
notebook and after running over the
leaves he approached the ticket-seller
and said:
81 find that 1 am saved"
"How?"
"Here it is, just as I wrote it down
last fall! mem: The said party of the
first part-which is me-agrees 90 wed
the said party of the second part-which
is Helen-on the evening of April 4, 1881,
prorided, that billiards, floods, broken
bridges, railroad delays or other acts of
Providence permit l always make
VI lllOoO W AlSulluCl-
standings. I missed the train, and
that comes under the head railroad de-
lays, eh?"
81 think sou
"And she has no grounds for breach
of promise?"
"Can't see any,"
"Nor I. My conscience tells me that
ought to offer about 80 for locomo-
tive to run me up there, and if it is re-
fused I'll go back to the hotel and take
things easy till tomorrow. Are you
married."
"No."
"Going to bep'
eli expect So"
"Make mem. of it, and give Provi-
dence plenty of latitude for delaysl It's
not only business, but you've got 'em
tight as wedge. Mem. it right down
in black and white, and if they talk sassy
show 'em the door. Bye-bye, old fellow
see you later. ~ Detroit Free Press.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14

Jack Croker went sailing on thelakes,
leaving his wife at Detroit, and she was
soon told that he had been drowned.
Frank Bradford gave her the money to
live on, searched in vain for her missing
husband, and at length married her.
The ceremony had not been long over
when there came loud rap at the door.
3" Are you Frank BradfordP'' asked the
man who had raped. Z" Yes, sir"
"Well, your wife is my wife, and you'd
better up and git.'' Mrs. Croker went
obediently away with her first husband.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14

Physicians in the mining regions
say that the presence Of diphtheria is di-
rectly traceable to oleomargarine,
adulterated molasses, sugar, ETC., which
are largely used in that section.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14

doings of Wolves it's time to dismiss the
meeting"
Moral-Charity may begin next door,
but reform should commence at home
Detroit Free Press.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14
-European residents in China have

European residents. in China have
recently founded several daily papers in
the vernacular, and it is said that their
circulation grows rapidly. They con,
tain leading articles, general and local
news, legal reports at great length, and
in fact nearly all the features of Euro
pean newspapers. Not long ago adver-
tisements were unknown to Chinese
journalism, but now they are published
in large numbers. tits thought that the
superstitious conservatism of the people
will not be able to stand long against
the information and ideas diffused by
the new press. I0ttI.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-05-14

within month Assistant United
States Fish Commissioner Pierce filed
at Washington nearly 200'applieations
for the food carp to be distributed this
season by the Government. Nearly one
fourth of the applications are from clti-
zens of Philadelphia who ownplaces near
the city. A large number of persons are
making elaborate preparations for carp
culture in various parts of the country
An idle reason lessons the weight
of the GOOD onas vo,, cra t,a bafoy,n S1Cih
Mexico weekly ledger., 1881-09-02

A young lady has a Sunday school
class of rather bright boys, averaging be-
tween seven and nire years. Recently
she requested each pupil to come on the
following Sunday with some passage of
scripture bearing on love. The lads
needed the request, and in turn recited
their verses bearing upon that popular
topic-such as Love your enemies
Little children, love one another" etc.
teacher said to the boy whose turn
came last, We'll, Robbie, what is your
verse" Rising, he responded, "Sone
OF Solomon, ii, Stay me with fiagons.
comfort me with apples; for | am sick of
love.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1881-09-02
At the White House,
Youths Compartment

The life of a President is largely one
of drudgery. He must see and con-
verse with hundred. of people who come
to consult him on a crest variety of
matters, and to urge him to appoint, or
not to appoint, this or that man to office.
Either he must have a constitution of
iron, or he must establish and adhere
to rules securing to himself regularly a
proper amount of leisure.
Among other duties that devolve upon
the President is that of leading in the
social life of Washington. 1t is ex-
pected that he will hold receptions at
the White House, to which all we'll
behaved p rsons in any walk of life
are welcome, and that he will entertain
the notable people who reside i'll Wash
ington, or are there on a visit, at dinner.
A White House reception is a very
informal affair, and it may be made
exceedingly agreeable if the President
and his wife are gracious, and possess
not simply ~aftability, but tact. No in
vitations to these receptions are given or
needed. Announcement is simply made
of the time one is to take place.
The Presidents wife is usually assisted
on such occasions by one or more lady
friends, who stand by her side. A shake
of the hand, and a few pleasant words
between the hostess and each of her
visitors, constitute the whole ceremony.
The people come and 60, staying five
minutes or an hour, as pleases them.
Stutn li,,,r 10, d, ,,,,j ,,or. .oJ,,,-
and stately occasion. The guests are
carefully selected so as to be mutually
c%ongeniaI, or else they are all of the
same class-as Judges of the Supreme
Court, members of the Diplomatic Corps,
or members of the Senate.
Sometimes the guests are all gentle
men. At other dinner-parties the wives
of the guests and other ladies are invited.
The tables are decked with flowers from
the White House conservatory, and the
dinners are of the most elaborate de-
scrlption, with many courses and dishes
cooked in the most scientific manner.
The best thing about these State
is, that they are private, and
that there are no after-dinner speeches.
There are no reporters to tell what the
guests had to eat, and no mans appetite
is spoiled by the thought that when the
feast is over he has a speech to make.
II the guests are judiciously placed
at the table, they have pleasant compan-
with each other, and Il cheerful
when the dinner is over, and then
they separate.
This is one of the least ~disagreeable
duties of the President. In this matter
he has his freedom. He need invite
guests To dinner only when he pleases, .
and with a few exceptions no man can
feel sighted at not receiving an invita-
ton when a dinner is given.
Mexico weekly ledger., 1881-09-02
Getting the Hang of the school.
House..
boston Post.

The old man approached the new
schooImaster with a bulldog glare in his
eye "You got after my boy yesterday
because he left a live hornet glued to
youv chair" II did" "You licked
him so he thought the world was coming
to an end?" chat was the impression l
intended to convey to him." 'I'm his
father, and I've come to let you know
what l think of your proceeding"
Then they clinched. Hair and blood
flew in the air, likewise dust and frag-
ments of garments. Then it quieted
down a little, and the old man implored
him to let him up, stop choking and take
his teeth from that ear. "What do you
think about any warming your boy?'
asked the teacher. 81 think you did
just right, and when | 60 home I'll give
him a tanning that'll teach him to come
to me with his complaints, and stories
that the schoolmaster can't fight"
They parted, and the schoolmaster
murmured: II did right to tackle the
son of the worst fighting man in the
district first. None of the others will
pester me-"
Mexico weekly ledger., 1881-09-02

1t Is unhealthy to wear your boots in
The house after / o'clock a. M. The
common plan is to remove them in the
hallway, but many of our most expert
.nced husbands prefer the front steps.
Always take a boot in each hand when
going up stairs. This plan gives you
two shots at the cat after stepping on
her. Never say anything to your wife
N these occasions except eyes and
no" Eating cloves impedes the
speech.
Never compel your wife to get up
first and build the fire. If she doesn't
do it of her own accord, go to sleep
again.
When your daughter gets big enough
to have gentleman visitors, give up the
parlor to them cheerfully. 1t is much
cheaper to let the dog bite them as they
start for home than to scold the girl un-
til she cries, and then have to buy her a
sealskin sack as a souvenir Of your
idiocy.
Always remember your wedding day,
and try to mark the occasion by some
little act showing that you remember it.
Coming home half full will often
signalize the anniversary in a marked
but inexpensive manner.
Bring your sons up to some occupa-
ton that will enable them to get a living
when thrown upon their own
Nothing makes a young nan so self
reliant as having a trade of his own. In
Cincinnati, bunko steerers frequently
make 500 a day.