Smyrna times., 1881-07-20
BY MARK TWAIN.

eye.
Don't want anybody to learn the bust
ness-'tain't likely?'
"Well, don't know. Would you like
to learn it?
"" Pap's so; pa, he can't run me no mo-,
so l want to git show somers if can,
'taint no diffunce what. am strong and |
hearty, and don't turn my back on no
kind of work, hard nur soft"
{" Do you think you would like to learn
the printing business ?'
"Well, l don't rely k'yer darn what
do learn, SOS get a chance fur to make
my way. I'd just as soon learn print'n IS
anything"
Can you read"
Yes-middlin'."
'Write?'
"Well, I've seed people could lay over
me thar"
"Cipher?"
"NOt good enough to keep store, don't
reckon but as far as twelve-times-twelve
amt no slouch. 'Tother side of that is
what gifts me-"
"Where is your home?"
"Tm FIN old Shelby"
whats your fathers religious denomi-
nation?'
Him? Oh, he's blacksmith"
"NO, mo- don't mean his trade.
What's his religious denomination?
"Oh, l didn't understand you befo'
He's freemason."
"NO, no-you don't get my meaning
yet. What mean is, does he belong to
any church?"
"Now your talkin! Couldn't make
out what you was tryin' to git through
yo' head no way. Belong to a church
why, boss, he's been the pizenist kind of a
Freewill Baptis' for forty year. There
amt any pizener ones m what he is. II
they said any diffrunt, they wouldn't say
it whar wuzAnOt much they wouldn't
What is your relgiOn?"
"Well, boss, you've kind o got me-
| thar"
"What Is your namc?"
Nicodemus Dodge"
Il think maybe you'll do, NicOdemus
!. Well give you trial, anyway"
: All right
=, "When would you like to begin ?"
: : Now"
SO within ten minutes after we had frs
=. limpsed this nOndescript, he was one of us
and with his coat off and hard at it.
Beyond the end Of our establishment
which was furtherest from the street wa
deserted garden, pathless and thickl
grown with the bloomy and villainou
"jimpson' weed and its common frien
- the stately sunfower, In the midst {
y this mouEptul spot was decayed an
= aged little frame" house with but on
roOm one window and no ceiling; it ha
!. been a smOkehouse a generation befOr'
y Nicodemus was given this lonely an
gastly den as a bed chamber.
= The village smarties recognized a trea
~ ure in Nicodemus right away-a butt
- play jokes on. 1t was easy to see that f
~ was inconceivably green and confidin
= George Jones had the honor of perpetra
- ing the first joke on him; he gave him
cigar with firecracker in it and winkt
- to the crowd to come; the thing explode
= presently and swept away the bulk
~ Nicodemus' eyebrows and eyelashes. i
r. simply said:
- /" consider these kind of seeg'yars da
nc gersome," and seemed to suspect nOthin
- The next evening he waylaid George al
- poured bucket of ice water over him,
One day Nicodemus was, in swimmin
-. Tom McElroy "tiedn his clothes. Mic
- demus made a bonfire of Toms by way
retaliation.
nd A third joke was played upon Nicod
of mus day or two latter--he walked
- the middle aisle of the village chur
40 Sunday night, with staring handh
in pinned between his shoulders. The jok
Of spent the remainder of the night aft
church in the cellar of q deserted hou
,o and Nicodemus sat on the cellar door
oso toward breakfast time to make sure IL
"a the prisoner remembered that if any no
mo was made rough treatment would be
"a consequence. The cellar had feet
: i stagnant water in it, and was bottom
;,o with inches of mud.
ON Before very long time had elapsed
.ds village smarties began to feel an unco
.oot Portable consciousness of not having ms
inc a very shining success out of their attem
on the simpleton from old Shelby" ]
perimenters grew scarce and chary. N
the young doctor came to The resc
ucH There was delight and applause when
anu proposed to scare Nicodemus to death q
:, explained how he was going to do it.
"ii had noble new skeleton-the skelet
ma of the late and only local celebrity, Jim
u Finn, the village drunkard-a grisly pi
of property which he had bought of Jim
pill Finn himself, at auction, for $50, un
son. great competition, when Jimmy lay v
told sick in the lanyard fortnight before
II death. The fifty dollars had gone prom
and ly for whisky, and had considerably h
Il as ried up the change of ownership in
ene skeleton. The doctor would put Jim
NJ Finn's skeleton in Nicodemus' bed.
This was done about 1890 in the ev