Litchfield enquirer., 1881-02-10

ten collars ana fee1ng thankful that he didn't ask for more.
 The American Bible society is turning out 2,000 Bibles per day, but you wouldn't believe it if you attempted to trade horses anywhere in this locality.
 'You seem to enjoy telling fibs," dryly re- marked an old lady to her little niece. the otherday. "Yes. auntie," replied the Child. T think l d9.- but ] enjoy having. you swallow them ls more. 2 sfR A =. SGreece seoms deterfnined to fight Turkey at any cost. She went to war with Turkey five years ago and had one man killed and two died of sickness. but experience has not taught her anything.
 Pupil What is a hero, Mir. Birchem p" Teacher (Mr Blrchem): "A hero is a man who conquers himself" Pupil: "Ah, see ; 8 man who can sit down on a tack and only feel sad about it." Ef '~What have yop been drinking or eating ?' exefaip,edI bis wifeI as be returned late at night sTiduor-ishs sahe responded and then he winked at himself in the dark and breathed thin till she got asleep.
 "Well, well," said Ellington, maiestically, five musn't be too, severe on the young fe- lows suppose I was as big fool as any of them when l was young" Yes" replied Fog, 'and you are not an oIdman now'
 'Little baby is very Ill, Charlie; I am afraid he will die '' s.sWeliif he dies, he won't go to the bad place." ''Why, Charlie, how can you know that ?" "Oh, I know he can't, mamma, he's got no teeth to gnash."'
 .Es
 ~PeopfeAan insignificant section of the American political machine, who are allowed to vote to keep them in good humor after the politicians haveschosen their rulers for them.
 Sunday school teacher r(reprovingly)-"Bo do you know what day this is ?" Street boy "Hi, fellers! here's cove don't know what day this is I guess he's been; out all night !"
 ''I say, Paddy that is the worst looking borss that have ever seen in harness Why don't you fatten him up?'' "Fat hlm up, is it? Fax, the poor baste can scarcely carry the little mate that's on him now"
 Professor Swing thinks hell is not mention ed SO much as it used to be- There is very slippery piece.of walk in frontsof the Danbury library. If the professor will take chair and sit there for an hour or SO he will modify his opinion materially.
 "What? Twenty-Five cents pound for sausages? Why, I can get 'em down at Schmldts for twenty, cents p f''Vell, den " didn't yer?" "Cause Schmidt was out of 'em." ''Vell, " vos owit of lem I sell lem for dwenty cents, doe."
 A cry from the heart.-Little dunce Cook- ing up suddenly from her history book) ''Oh I lA xx,yo o1 James the Second" Mamma-''Why ?" Little dunce-"Because see here that ede- cation was very much neglected in his reign"
 ''Is your wife Democrat or Republican ?' asked ono Roekland citizen of another in store this morning "She's neither" was the prompt response. and then gancing cautious ly around and sinking his voice to hoarse whisper he explained. ''She's Home-R Ru- 'er' TEY Yf0TTY7 AFT7
 Yes, remarked a musical critic, ,srecently from Kansas, "the fddlin' was bully, but I tell you, when the fat chap with the big mus- tache laid hold of that bass fiddle and went for them low notes in the violin-celar, just felt as if buzz-saw was playin' Yankee Doodle on my backbone" ay4p he 7
 Delightful Sara Bernhardt," /" said we'll known actress the other day; ''there is not much'of her, but what there is is grace itself l love those little insnuating fgures-they are so much more poetical, more graceful, than those fat, fabby heroines of some combination companies; don't you think SOP" ''It is the rule" was the reply; grace before. meat, always" -1'. A'~'~@ r1- 'r.~i ''' :
 John Van Ness. Galveston father wanted to test the affection of his. son, so he said to him: ''You have been very good boy, and now give you your choice. Which would you prefer, my esteem or $5 ?" The boy took the $5 as if it had been the measles, remark ing that it was impossible for his father to have much esteem for boy who failed to take advantage of his opportunities. W K
 A devout Methodist asked Wesley what he thought as to his marrying certain woman we'll known to both. Wesley advised him not tothink of it. "Whv," said the other, ..she is member of your church, isn't she? "Yes." was the reply. And you think she is truly Christian woman ?" "Yes," said Wesley, II believe she is.", s.Wen, then, why not marry herr" Because, my friend. the Lord can live with a great many people that you and I'can.t."
 The London Post says that s'a dastardv attempt was made to. wreck ihe express train between Paris and Geneva by laying across the track bar of iron weighing eighty kilo- metres" This. is very obscure way of writing for an Englsh-speaking people. Not one in ten could tell how much the bar of iron really weighed, and it is only by going to good dictionary that one is able to fudge that it must have weighed fifty miles Readers ought not to be left in the dark about such matters. 'f SHS'fs
 You might as well sit down and tell me that twice two is four as to tell me that it is cold Youlmight as we'll tell me that George sWashingtoHis dead as totellme hesleighing IS good. Go away, good man, go to sleep. I tell you 1t is June, there is no snow; there is dust and there are roses It is two hundred miles from DaYtonlto Loveland and walked from the north pole this morning. Go get thee to nunnery, and when you can model your conversation on something beside the United States Signal Servlce reports, come and wake me up and hold me in the matchless charm of your instructive talk I know not gaul hastthe maawho talks tp me abeutth weather.
 Bill Simpkins. a Galveston clerk, drank too much wine at dinner, and the conseeuence was that when he came down to the store he inioSiucu tudtNu uc OWncu It. He called the porter "a bandy-legged menial." and other wise made himself conspicuous When. he got sober, the boss raked him; over the coals '~ yg@ You ge. tight, too, and cuss the clerks, ' retorted Bill
 Yes, but I am the proprietor. Your con. duct would have been highly proper In pro- prietor, but being only clerk, you were beastly drunk. and acted like blackauard. Young man aeyaE again assume the duties and responsibilities of wealth and high station until the public expects. it ofyou." Bill promised he would try not to.
 FROM THE DANBURY NEWS.
 0n Wednesday last. the theFm6mesere in Woodbury marked twenty five below zero, AT orly fbrao 1orroos lose ty,o,, ;e