Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-05-19
True Happiness.
IFrom the Detroit Free Press. /

From the Detroit Free Press.
"What was gwine to remark, said
the old man, as he looked over and saw
that the thermometer marked 81 deg,
sam to de effeck dat de Hon. Abe Loss
ford. of Howell, Mich, has arrove i'm de
CITY at my request to deliber his cele-
brated lectur' ON True Happiness befo'
dis club. He am now in de aunty-room,
an Sir Isaac Walpole an Rev. Penstock
will don de proper regalia an fotch him
inn
In the course of the next five minutes
the Hon. Mr.. Lossford was "fOtched."
He had on q new suit, walked like Ma
poleon, looked like Plato and took the
platform with all the Ease OF Nero.
s.Hem'len," he began, as he looked
down upon the bald head of Elder
Toots, "how many Of you know what
real happiness ar? Dat is, how many
of YOU doan' know muffin bout it?
Confu cius thought he was happy, but
he wasn't. He didn't know muffin
bout watermellyons, or pesimmons. or
green corn. Caesar thought he was
happy, but he didn't know nuf1n
bout popcorn, hickory nuts, or sweet
cider. Plato said he had nufiin to re-
greet, an yet he nebber went in swim
min, or was On skates, or tended .
Sunday-skuie basket picnic" lCheers
from Samuel Shin, which died away In
q hollow moan AZ Brother Gardner gave
him q look composed Of giant powder
and scrap-iron.]
"Art kin beautify our homes, riches
kin gin us luxuries, an health kin gin
us good appetites an refreshin' sleep,
but happiness am sunthin' beyond all
dat. When you shoulder q fsh-pole
an, put box o bait in yer pocket an
start off to fish you think you am hap
nv. but how 10 1t long bout shutdown
when you come home with wild one
poo ole sunfish in q peck basket? De
young man who hires libery rig an
takes his gal out ridin' may think he's
happy, but he isn't. When he comes
to figger up de cost of his Sunday
clothes. de hire of de rig, de chances OF
smashin' wheel an broken de gals
neck. whar, am de happiness? Some
Of YOU Guild folkses git hold of a wat
ermellyon an sot down in de shade fur
from de busy hum of industry an 60
yum! yum! am imagine dat you am
happy. I've bin dar, an it makes my
mouf pueker to think of 1t, but was I
happy? No, sab! When como TO
rekolect dat p'raps some villyan had
plugged de fruit 1n' dosed it wild jalap,
AM dat in anoder hour might be
standin' on de banks of de mystic rib
Der, broke down an cried. CChsers
from Pickles Smith, seconded by Trus-
tee Pullback.1
"Am you happy when you find lost
wallet with heap o. money init No,
sab, kase purleeceman am aiius nigh
huff tosee you pick itup. Am you hap
by when you am gwine up to Lake st.
Clair on q ,scursion? No, sab, kase de
biler may bust. Am you happy when
you sot down to eat apples in do busum
ofyour family? No. sab, kase thoughts
Of trychina ann risin' up to make you
afraid. You can't be happy in new
clothes, kase you am afeared de pants
will bag at de knees. You can't be
happy In an old suit, kase some one
will start story dat you have bin
speckulatin' in pork an lost all yer
property.
lookin' fur true happiness. Oars too
many burglars an robbers and liar:
an snakes an skeeters an bugs an
snow an mud an' dust In dis world to
permit anything beyond temporary In
joyment. Be as happy as you kin, but
doan' let emaginatiOn run away wild
you, Dat is, when you plan to sharp
On yer AZ, look ahead fur huff to AK
yerself who am gwine to break his
back &C de handle of de grindstun.
Wild desc few transgreosions, loosely
bolted together fur temporary trans
portashun, an delibered In speerit OF
terrorism, will close by wishin' you
all de happiness dat Natur' am wiliin'
to grant to SIGH - %.
The conclusion or the address was re-
caivad with suclf enthusiasm that Ave
lanrtha Of stove-pipo fell to the floor
~. ro<1 l,ot : iowa n Al ia b0 carried