The Portland daily press., 1881-02-21
Paris Newspaper Wit.
New York World.l



An engaged young man is late in paying his
regular visit at the house of his musically in
clined betrothed; the young lady is anxious;
the family sympathizes with her anxiety. Sud-
denly the bell rings, and the calm blue sky of
peace reappears in the young girls eyes as she
exclaims rapturously but ungrammatically:
"That's him! How exquisite his technique is
on the bell-pull, and-O the breadth of his
ring!''
American news from the enterprising Gau-
lois: "The progresses of the science. A seek
er Yankee has invented a hat grace to the which
the danes can redden at the minute. Has one
pronounced a word improper, crack! there is
not but to press the brides of the hat, and the
tension on the arteries suffices to make mount
the blood to the visage, and to produce the
redness the most pudic Most strongs. these
Americans, and, above all, the American
essesi"
Eyes, young man." said the venerable drug
gist to his new clerk, whom he was about to
initiate into the mysteries of the profession,
'after lifetime's experience can confident
ly assure you that seven jars containing the
seven specific drugs of our trade would suffice
to set up any drugstore" "But, sir, what do
you have these other 800 for?" "What for?
Why, to sellP'
A customer enters restaurant an d is served
with an atTocously bad dinner. When he goes
up 20 the proprietor's desk to settle his bill he
bursts into tears, embraces the proprietor
warmly and wrings his hand. "Hi! come,
now, say, says the proprietor angrily, "what
does this mean?" 81 embrace you, my dear
friend,' says the customer, bursting into tears,
"because it is written in the book OF fate that
we Shall never meet agan."
The sweet modesty of Orientals. A gentle
man was once presented to the Sultan NAH
moud, and found it a decided nuisance to have
to say Your Majesty" and "Your Highness''
his embarrassment, and, divining its cause.
| said kindly: "You may call me King of
Kings; it is less formal"
In gambling-hell the banker lets a blue
| fifty-franc check drop on the floor. With great
presence of mind the nearest PLAYER puts his
foot upon the ivory stoops, and, after a mo-
ment's search, reappears triumphanty with a
red check, which he hands benignly to the
banker, remarking, "Ha! you came near losing
this five-franc check Lucky l felt it strike
my foot!'
VIvier, the irrepressible practical Joker, sees
well-dressed gentleman stop in the street and
| extend his hand to friend. "Scoundrel!" he
| Kisses in the mans ear, "have you no sense
of shame! A man with a sealskin overcoat
and diamond pin asking stranger for aims
~ Oroad dayhSht! w mere is Ine society 1or
the suppression of Mendicancy?" "But, sir"
| gasps the stranger, II wasn't begging-I was
| only going to shake hands with the gentle
| man." "Oh, indeed-l beg your pardon, then,
but really, 1 thought"-. Bows gracefully,
smiles genially, and departs, leaving the stran-
| ger possessed with frantic desire to shed his
blood.
Honest bourgeois at the cafe enliving their
dominoes and eau sucree with anecdotes of
travel and adventure, says one: 81 had a
frightful adventure once in Switzerland when
was travelling with my first wife, Angelique.