The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-07-02

is like one of the tabled apples which grow rud-
dy and mellow on the side toward which the sun
goes down.
peculiarly sad event occurred in connection
with the marriage OF Mr.. John Farrell and Miss
Mamie Coye, at Cincinnati last Tuesday, rela-
tive OF the bride reading an original poem of six
stanzas.
KPITAPH on AN OLD MAID.
Beneath this stone, lump of clay,
Lies Arabella Young,
Who on the oath of Nay
Began to hold her tongue
An Illinois dog was sixteen days In digging
his way out of hole into which he had burrowed
for a skunk. II there is any lesson in this we
leave it to be developed by some Of the political
orators.
''Maden's Check" is new color The fellow
who takes girl to an ice cream saloon and has
her order the plate re6lled four times thinks it
must be rather brassy hue.-Boston Post.
A French agency has managed to throw little
gaicty into pretty melancholy subject by pub
fishing the following telegram: 1.-THE Car has
received fresh manifesto from the Executive
Committee conceived in very moderate terms,
and announcing to him that he is condemned to
death"
UTTER NONSENSE.
| am Utter! Men may say
That Pm void of brains and beauty
That my feet are huge and splay,
That IN limpfrom crown to shoctie;
That my tastes mad full blown,
That my talk Is maudln splutter;
But the Philistines must own
! am Utter!
A Chicagoan has announced that he has dis.
n nTnp hy uh oh i'm ttn,r
be made OF water. The Chicago people are ready
50 believe in 1t, as they have an idea that water
must have been made for something or other
CoUter-Jourad'.
81 quite agree with Byron" said the plaintiff,
lady who was suing for divorce. "There is no
such thing as friendship between man and wo-
man" "That, madam" remarked the counsel
for the defense, SIS only true when they are
married"
The Peru Tai. CITY Neos thanks Capt. Hall for
skull taken from prehistoric mound in Arkan-
sss, said skull being that OF "a young man who
died while he was young" II would have been
bad for the young man, no doubt, il after bury.
ing his skull he had lived TO die an old man.
liable Bear Sold Hear" was the sign over the
door OF a Texas ale house, and wag, on seeing
landlords own bruin."
The Quincy Modern Ergo tells us that Cafor
nian saved the life OF woman who had fallen
into river, and was given nickel for his BRAY.
cry. He wears it as u scarf-pin and refers 10 it as
the pin-nicke Of fame.
ayes, your Augustus /. fraud"
Said Sue to Arabella.
"A frauin' said Belle 81 can't afford
To hear that OF my Teller,
He's true and tried and good beside
And delicate and dainty"
"Ah, yes, but then" Miss Sue replied
Hes sort OF beauGus, amt hep
- Yorlke,'S Gazette.
The newspapers are talking great deal about
where the next worlds fair shall be held The
next worlds fair are the angels and we doubt If
they like to be talked about In that way At
any rate they won't let every body hold them.
Joaquin Miller: allow would lecture by me
on Mount Shasta suit the citizens of BostopT
Very well, sir; exceedingly WE'LL They would
be much better satisfied TO have you lecture on
Mount Shasta than in Boston, Boston Post.
TO A GOAT.
Thou hast serious aspect but methinks
Beneath the surface discern
thoughtful tendency TO play high-jinks,
solemn, waiting wickedness supern.
Within the amber circle OF thine eye
There lurketh mischief OF exsuccous kind
A humOr grim, mechanical and dry;
Evasive ,subdolous and underlined.
] would understood thee better, Bill.
Beseech thee Of thy courtesy explain:
Now, doth the flavor OF Il poster I'LL
Thy utmost needs OF old hats art thou fain.
pr'ythee, goat, youchsafe some information.
Oh,say! Come now! Get out! oh, thunderationl
Bric.d-Brdc inJuly iScriJacr.
The following anecdote Of Thomas CARLYLE
first printed In Puck, bears internal evidence of
authenticity: Sir" said the late Thomas Car.
lyle once, 10 a stranger who inquired Of him the
way to Bunbury super slopperton, 81 DO not
know the way, and am donn glad do not for
the pleasure of dsobliging you. But II did
know it, I would gladly boot you thither, for
palayerin' eejot."
What made Byron T'-.u Gregor Ne,cs Prob
ably Bul-wer after him.-NOoiern Argo. No a
'Tark" Lytton him.-Cdabriige Tribune. But he
got of Scott free.--Thiiadelphid Neirs. The Dick
ems he did.-Pest Chester Bej,,tJlicaR. Yes, with
a Payne. York Dispatch. A paragrapher will
Macauley he can out Of this-HdrrisJ,trq Tslc
graDk. But he shouldn't make Hogg OF him.
seif-Ldneaster Republican. Poe, Peel Either
stay Homer stop such nonsence.-Stason Hutch.
ms As for a newspaper, had rather Burnett
than put Il TO such use.-CrosJy S. Noycs.
Your Bacon Burns already no doubt.-Bo5 Ingcy-