Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1881-04-02
MIR. SpOOpendykc Prepares speech
Upon - Woman,
MRS. sFoOPENDYKE ASSIST


Now, my dear" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, as
he drew writing materials toward him, "now.
! want your woInan'5 wit. These fellows In
stst that must respond to the toast. Woman
tomorrow night, and must prepare few re-
marks. II we both 90 at 1t, wen get up some
thing nice"
What you want" argued Mrs. Sooopen-
dyke, entering into the spirit or the under
taking, and tapping her teeth with her thIn-
phases"
What want 10 a speech" retorted Mr.
Spoopen0yke. They hayn't put me down
OF good points and pleasant things about the
ladies: Now l shall begin, 'Fellow citi-
But women amt fellow citizens. I should
YOU'D say. fellow back hair, that's what
you'd say. In addressing the people, and
they re all men; don't you see? Eve got 70 com
mepCe somewhere. aud then so on. Now,
Fellow citizens: regarding women, cur oriSiD'
cur companions, our posterity, our no others
our wives ara our daughters, what mere can
we say than that they give us life. make It
happy ard soothe It's decllne?' How'a that:"
Is that the same woman" asked Mrs. Spoo-
penoyke, bending over the table. cit don't
strike ne that she would care to have Il put Ia
mat way, Why not say: Fellow citizen; We
What's the matter with your demanded
hr, SpoopendySe. i've got TO open With
graceful than tnat- Then l will go on: she
rises In the cradle, reaches her meridian at the
altar, ard goes down in flood OF dew at the
grave Can you grasp that9'
Il DON'T like that as Well as the other re-
mcnstrated Mrs. Spoopendyke. YOU make
her mother while she's baby, ana as for the
grave part, you don't stop 10 think that she
again: would say something Ike tlis: Eel
l1W Citizens we are assem-"
no, won't either Who's going to get
married again? can't you See that I'm Only
carrying Out the first idea OF origin, companion
ship and pUSteI1y? Rising IN the cradle means
giving Us plTsn. No" you hold up. suppose
say Lt1i: We revere her rs mother, adore
her as "ife aLd-aLd,' say What 90 we DO Tor
her as 0tushteI?'
VEL you might say, we dress her, and
e3Ccale her, aud keep an eye On her. and
"spankAei. dod gost ii. Spank her, Why
don't yea say spark ne,:" bowed hr. Spoop-
ehdyhe. Can't you think OF something
poetica? I've got That Te revere our mothers
AID antTe our wives, ana want something for
thi,e?'
e.. OF course raved Mr.. Saoopendyke.
That's the idea. That fixesn 1t. All You want
how Is two prolonged langhters,' four con
vo.ce' 10 be an Grafton Fellow eff,zsn aa we
furnish her With roached eggs and beans. Fell
low citizens, we revere her as @ mother we
tue sheets once a week. Fellow citizens. We
pass her the gravy, Fellow citiZ6ns.'r yelled
Mr.. spoopendyke. gesticulating like horse
chestnut tree. ''FellOw citizens, II she wants
her beef rare, We give IL TO her! Fellow citi-
lens, ne give her all the dod gasted butter she
can paste On fer bread" is that what you gant
mc to say? Expect I'm going to stand around
AID make uleasiy ass OF myself? Fellow
citfZeIs as mother we revere her, Fellow citi-
zens, as wife we adore her Fellow citizens, 10
help man get up a speech she's the doi Aan-
ttSt donley that ever raised a family
wah-h h-b' snrieked Mr. Spoopendyke, purple
IL the face. got any more suggestions? Know
any more eioQuence?" and tue worthy gentle
nan teamed back In hts chair speeches..
couldn't Gu leave her out altogether" rec
Commended Mrs. SpOopendyke. "Caa't you Just
revere her rs mother and adore her as wife I:
AS Tor the daughter, you might pass 1t over
With saying: Fellow citizens, we are assem-"
YES or can cut her throat" proclaimed Mr.
Spoorendyke Il can take her TO The pound !
can saIt her Gown fer winter use bod gaSt
the speeCb! and Mr.. Spoopen1yke danced on
the fragments OF his notes ITO MORROW night
Ill answer that toast by telling What a dod
saSied Old Eule you'd make OF any man that
would listen 10 you." and Mr.. Spoopendyke
BAL god himself into the bed like beer spigot
and went to sleep.
Well" Thought Mrs. Spoopendyke, as she
TOOK down her hair and put IL up again, don't
see Why he couldn't say: "Feil0w citizens, We
are assembled here to say something poetical
ABOUT women, and the best | can say is we
snow her when We don't always love her. and
we love her when we don't always snow it.
That's sensible and It's So" sighed MIS-. Spoop-
endyEe, falling over her husbands boots and
then the good woman opened the window on
her spouse's side Of the bed, and sticking few
In the night. she went prayerfuly TO sleep
BROOKLYN ETD7p-