The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1881-06-11
A MODEL CHURCH CHOIR.
Their Naughty but Nice Franks.

not YOU viii find that one or more OF
them are full of the old Harry, and it
viii break out when you least expect
Ii. There is no more beautiful sight
TO the student Of nature than a church
choir. To see the members sitting
together, demure, devoted, and pious
looking, you think that there is never
thought enters their mind that is
not connected with singing anthems,
but sometimes you get left. There is
one church choir in Milwaukee that is
about as near perfect as choir can be.
1t has been organized for long time,
and never has quarreled, and the con-
gregation swears by il. When the
choir strikes devotional attitude it is
enough TO make an ordinary Chris
tan think of the angel band above,
only the male singers wear whiskers,
and the females wear fashionable
clothes.
You would not think that they ever
played tricks on each other during the
sermon, but sometimes they do The
choir is furnished witlfthe number of
the hymns that are to be sung, by the
minister, and they put a book mark
in the proper place. One morning
they all got up 10 sing, when the So
prano turned pale as an ace of spades
dropped out of her hymn book, the
alto nearly tainted when the queen of
hearts dropped at her feet, and the
rest of the deck was distributed around
in the other books. They laid it onto
the tenor, but he swore, while the
minister was preaching, that he didn't
know one card from another.
One morning last summer, after the
tenor had been playing tricks all the
spring on the rest of the choir, the So
prano brought a chunck of shoemak-
ers wax to church. The tenor was
arrayed like Solomon, in all his glory,
with white pants, and Seymour coat.
The tenor got up to see who the girl
was who came in with the old lady,
and while he was up the soprano put
the she emakers wax on the chair, and
the tenor sat down on it. They all
saw it, and they waited for the result.
Ii was an awful long prayer, and the
church was hot, the tenor was no ice
burg himself and shoemakers' wax
melts at ninety-eight degrees Fahren-
heit. The minister finally got TO the
amen, read a hymn, the choir coughed
and all rose up. The chair that the
tenor was in stuck 10 him like a broth
er, and came right along and nearly
broke his suspenders. it was the tenor
TO bat, and as the great organ struck
up he pushed the chair off of his per-
son looked around TO see If he had
saved his pants, and began to sing, and
the rest OF the choir came near burst
ing. The tenor was called out on
three strikes by the umpire, and the
alto had TO sail in. and while she was
singing the tenor began to feel of first
base TO see what was the matter.
When he got his hand on the shoe
makers warm wax his heart smote
him and he looked a9ggers at the So
prano, but she put on piOus look
and got her mouth ready to sing "Hold
the Fort" Well, the tenor sat down
on a white handkerchief, before he
went home, and he got home without
anybody seeing him, and he has been,
as the saying is, 'laying' for the So
pranO ever since, to get even.
1t is customary in all first-clasI
candy for the lady singers, and the
other day the tenor went to a candy
factory and had peppermint lozengs
made with about teaspoonful of Cay
enne pepper in the center of it. On
Christmas he took this lozenge to
church, and concluded to get even
with the soprano if he died for it.
Candy had been passed around, and
just before the hymn was given out in
which the soprano was TO sing solo,
Nearer, my God, to Thee" the wick
ed wretch gave her the loaded lozenge
She put it in her mouth and nibbled
off the edges, and was rolling it as a
sweet morscl under her tongue when
the organ struck up and they all arose.
While the choir was skirmishing on
the first part of the verse and getting
scored up for the solo, she chewed |
what was left of the candy and swal- !
lowed it. Well, if a Democratic torch |
light procession had marched unbid- /
den down her throat she couldn't have |
been more astOniShed. She leaned /
over TO pick up her handkerchief and |
spit the candy out; but there was 4
enough pepper left around the sewage /
of her mouth TO have picked a peck /
of chowchOw. 1t was her turn to sing, /
and she arose and took the book, her |
eyes filled with tears; her voice trem- |
bled, her face was as red as a spanked |
lobster, and the way she sung that old /
hymn was a caution. With a sweet |
trem0lo she sang Nearer, my God, TO |
Thee" and the congregation was al |
most melted TO tears. AS she stopped, /
while the organist got in little work, |
she turned her head, opened her mouth |
and blew out her breath with q |
whoosh!" to cool her mouth. The |
audience saw her wipe a tear away, |
but did not hear the sound of her voice !
as she "whooshed." She wiped out |
some of the pepper with her hand
kerchief, and sang the other verses /
with a good deal of fervor, and the /
choir sat down, all of the members 1
looking at the soprano. She called 4
for water. The noble tenor went and F.
got ii for her, and after she had drank /
a couple of quarts, she whispered to /
him, young man l will get even with |
You for that peppermint candy if / have |
TO live athousand years and don't YOU /
forget it, and then they all sat down
and looked pious, while the minister
preached most beautiful sermon on
Faith" We expect that tenor viii
be blowed through the roof some Sun
day morning, and the congregation
viii wonder what he is in such a hur-
~ for.