Green-Mountain freeman. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1844-1884, 1881-08-10
Mark Twain ON the C0met.

A Hartford CORES pondent interviewed
that eminent astronomer Mark Twain, just
before dlybreak, the o,h4r n)fning he
found him sitting in IN DDin Gl ,Ielall-
ing to the roof smoking a cigar. With
both hands he grasped long pole. When
it grew lighter, the correspondent con-
tinues, preceived thai it was boat hook.
His face had haggard look, and his long
legs hung listlessy through the scuttle-
way. You Look tirel, MwE," said [.
"llave you be IN at it all night?"
"All night said he with grown.
IAN nightP This makes the fourth con-
secutive night that havn't closed half an
eye. It's wearing on me. This constant
responsibility undermining my constitu-
ton. My sense of duty is as strong as the
next mans. but sometimes | feel like let
ting 90 my grip, even if the condemned
planet slides into the revised version of
birthstone. All night? Good night! Some
other nightr'
The tail of that comet" he continued,
sadly waving the end of his pole toward
the northern sky, rs, according to my
calculations n triie over ~ 900 900 miles
long; yet it wouldn't reach more than II
quarter way through the skulls of some
people that know. The reckless igno-
ance of mankind amazes me more and
more the older 7 grow Why don't 60
to bedp Yes, it would be perferctly easy
and natural thing to go to bed wouldn't
it, nowp
"Whle the mad revelry % the world
goes on below, and the multitude pursues
its wonted avocations precisely as though
universal catastrophe was not imm mnent,
one solitary watcher sits up here in his
lonely tower, Drawing danger and incur
ring great fatigue for the sake of his in
fatuated fellow beings. There have been
examples of such devotion to duty in
history, but they are rare, aud it has al
ways been left to posterity to recognize
them. At the present moment | fill the
post of lookout to the planet, young man.
You'll find set down in the census the ex-
act number of fellow citizens whose ex-
isence depends upon my vigilonce. That's
all I'm driving at!'
l gravely remarked: al always knew
your philanthropy. Mark Yet must say
that this last undertaking surprises me.
He Immediately became atfable and even
confidential. There is good deal OF the
true Christian spirit of self-denial iu it,
isn't there. now? You see they are all
wrong about the tail. I've ciphered on
that tail until | understand every inch of
it. It's absurd to suppose that the tail
isn't solid. and pretty tough, too. Do you
imagine that this comet could go bulging
through space at the rate of 200 miles a
minute without knocking spots out of
tail that was vaporP Tie fog bank on
the rear end of the New York and Boston
O'Clock express, start her off at even forty
miles an hour, and see how long your fog
bank will travel in company with your
locomotive. Yet they ask us to swallow
this Internal nonsence about the comets
tail. My observations of this fellow and
also of Coggia's comet, seven years ago.
have convinced me that comets tails are
fastened ON tight. and are of a fbrous and
durable nature. like Hartford beefsteak." "
"And what do you propose to do with
your poleP" I asked.
Great Casarw he exclaimed. With
a tail 100000 miles long; 100000
miles thick, and tough as whip leather,
whisking about in the wake of that pirati-
cal craft every time she tacks overhead,
don't you see the necessity of keeping a
cool-headed and muscular man on deck
here to fend off in case the cussed thing
whisks this way"