Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1881-11-19
Giving Hin, q Fill.

DerrieS Dodd In San Francisco Post
The other evening, as party Of ''the boys"
were smoking and lounging in the office of the
Occidental Hotel, an English tourist, of the
most pronounced cockney type emerged from
the elevator, and took seat in the reading
room. He wore the usual short wasted Eng
ilsh coat. and tight pants, much bagged at the
knees, both being Of the most startling red.
green and white check. His feet were encased
In song and dance toed shoes, fresh from the
strand. while over his shoulder was suspended
the orthodox Cooks tourist felo glass.
white puggaree hat with blue vail band and
merry red mutton chop whiskers completed his
remarkable appearance, the ''stony British
stare" We are so used to on Kearny street be-
ing intensified by the usual pair of green Cog
giles. or ''dust defiers" the average Saxon tray
eler clings to so obstinately in foreign lands.
As he passed the group OF young men-about
town referred to, broad smile diffused itself
across the entire gang, so to speak. II say,
boys said one. '1et's go and have some fun
with that fellow? 'SpOse we give him a grand
hll:'-a proposition that was unanimously car
ried.
Edging UP to the red whiskered chap, the
spokesman. we'll known curbstone broker of
approved gall, said politely:
stranger, sir, presume?"
g Hi ham-thank ewing" replied the cockney,
with lofty sarcasm.
"Ah-yes-very good-very good, indeed, !"
said the Frscan. 81 thought you were new
arrival. and concluded to give you pointer"
eli ave no use for ha dog"
g mean little hint, you know. I wouldn't
Hand why?'
I" There was man shot there this afternoon
by the barkeeper., and as some of the corpse's
relatives propose to take it up it's likely to be
pretty warm around there tonight"
''Think sO?"
eyes, indeed. These Californians are awful
queer people, as you must have heard Have
only been here three years, and haven't gotten
quite used to their ways myself. Now. my
friend here, Mr.. Skidmore, shot waiter this
morning for bringing him cold cakes. Don't
you think that absurd?"
Cant help it" growled the party indicated;
"when man comes at me with cold buck
wheat cakes, or any other deadly weapon, he's
got to die right there's" and Mr.. Skidmore took
a derringer out of his hip pocket and blew into
It's muZZie, to the extreme discontinue of the
Englishman.
cit was only the other day." continued the
first speaker. musngly, that somebody
started row at the Palace Hotel breakfast
tables was killed. Singular. wasn't it?''
why. never card hof SIGH thing" gasped
the cOckney.
Fact-though must say, that Palace Hotel
crowd need wedding out the worst way By
the way, have you been over the bay after buff
falOes yet?"
What! bufhalos.-so close hat 'and?"
"Oh dear. yes-tother side the bay Just full
of EN-; have to put up fences to keep 'em out
of the streets of Oakland. Killed ninety-two
last Sunday myself; and it wasn't a good day
fer buffalo. either:
''Not reaIly?"
"That's nothing. Right across in San Rafael
last Sunday week, the congregation of church
found couple of California lions asleep in
pew. Got in through the window, you see. AS
coz nc fhnv- CT, n
skipped out. chased the audience home. chewed
up most of the choir and kept the minister up
On the stove pipe for sixteen hours"
''Great evings!'
''Its just as you tell it, Mr.. Chairman" said
another OF the gang to the speaker. II was
there myself, and got pretty badly nibbled by
one of the cats, too"
''What har you Chairman hov?' asked the be-
wildered sojourner in a strange land.
why, nothing really-that is only another
popularity of these Californians. You see.
whenever four or more Americans come to
gether anywhere, or under any circumstances
they Immediately organize as a meeting and
elect officers. Singular custom. but they will
do it. met these gentlemen Just now by ac-
cident, and as soon as we had shaken hands
tiey took vote and elected me Chairman
"'Pon 'Onhor - most extraordinary thing hi
hever card hof! Will you haIow me to make a
note hof it," and the subject of Queen Victoria
eagerly took out note book.
IAN! see you intend to publish the usual
book OF travel when you return-excelent idea.
There's another little popularity these remark
able people have which you would do well to
mention. 1 allude to their lightning divorce
system"
Yes, I card something hof that hin Chi
cago."
ooh, the Chicagoans don't amount to any
thing nowadays, They are too slow for the
times Now, for illustration. You see this
gentleman. His name is Guffey, and met him
for the first time in my life out at the Cliff
House this morning. Had his wife with him
whom he had married three months ago. |
was also accompanied by my wife, bride Of
three weeks, Beautiful woman that, SAYS
Guffey, referring to my wife. Splendid creature
you have with YOU says ], referring to his wife,
Think SO, says he; let's swap It's a CO.
says I, and the ladies being satisfied, we stop
ped at the court coming home, got our divorces
rushed through this afternoon, were married
this evening, and, as we both board here, have
just sent up the porter to change trunks. Now,
how does that strike you?"
"Why it strikes me that you are about the
biggest lot of softies on record" said the tour
list. suddenly bracing up and dropping his
cockney dialect.
'Great Scott It isn't Bill simmons?" gasped
his interviewer, his jaw dropping about a foot.
eyes, it is, though" said that well-known
hotel clerk, removing his wig, whiskers and
goggles. 81 fixed up tonight to take in the
Germania masquerade; but I'm ding blamed if
/ thought could deceive lot of regular old
know-it-alls, like you fellows. Lemme see,
guess we IL take quart of Heidsick on this"
And feebly protesting that they knew who it
was all the time, the Disguised lot of ssguyers"
led the way to the barro0m and set up the
champagne.
The Boy Peddler,s MOnOmania.
In Reading, Pa, dwells the ''boy peddler"
who has 80 fine suits Of clothing, "a overcoats
and 80 pairs of kid gloves. Periodically the
boy breaks out in local advertisements an
nouncing an addition to his extensive ward
robe. as follows: t'Thomas Jefferson Cummings
has the honor to announce that he has Just ad-