The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-01-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

It is poor speller who does not keep
an to business.
The man who missed his footing prob
ably had his boots stolen.
Mrs. Langtry is so beautiful that she
is more than head and shoulders above
any adornmentS OF dress.
It's probably true that the church is
the pewrcst place on earth, since so
many of the congregation sleep.
The cultured way to speak of a bur-
lesque actress dress is to say that the
skirts are very decollete at the bottom.
Every maiden can have feller if she
has money to buy sewing-machine
with all the modern attachments.
Old lady (to modest Curate) -'Lor' !,
sir, do like to ear you preach extrum-
perry! Your language is that won erful
fluid.
''There is no place like home," re-
peated Mr.. Henpeck, looking at mot
to, and he heartily added: ''rm glad
there isn't.
The ancient maiden who defers her
proposition of marriage much longer
will soon have Mr.. chances for this leap
year.
u
much. Lots of dispatches have to be
taken on manifold, and the sex don't
care for man if old.
The woman who trims her own bon
net can always be picked out of crowd
by other women; now If men only had
this peculiar gift of selection.
A dull old lady, being told that GER
tain lawyer was lying at the point of
death, exclaimed: ''My gracious! won't
even death stop that mans lying?'
Time, 2 a. m: '.My DEAR" said he,
"'s all right. I've been down getting
tn returns. There's no use you raisin'
a row. faint my fault. What you
want'sh earlier retllrns?''
At Bullong-Mr. Belleville (who likes
to air his French before his fricnds.)
'.Avvyvoo Ia Parfume du-er-du Jock
ey club?" Fair perfumer-''O, yes, sare!
We have all re English smells!''
A child of 5 was being taken to
party in a close carriage, and while
passing through Il plantation he sud-
denly exclaimed with great satisfaction:
''Look! look! I'm going out to tea; but
all the trees are going homer
Speaking of Mr.. Forbes lecture on
.sKings L Have Met,' Western news
paper says that some day he will come
across three kings and pair of sevens.
and then he will learn something about
the really great resources of this coun-
try.
King Ludwig, of Bavaria, who in
council, sits, and makes his ministers
stand, often wakes his old chamberlain
at 3 o'clock in the morning TO play bill
lizards, and if he dares to yawn he is
soon made to feel the weight of the roy
al displeasure.
The other day mild little man, with |
an invalid wife and seven children, won |
a big black bear at q rattle in Memphis. |
The bear was raf1ied off because it ats |
up its last owner, and the little man I
who made the lucky throw is just wild |
to know what to do.
DR.. G.. is one of the most fervent
apostles of matcrialism. In. recalling
certain souvenirs of his youth, he be-
gan an anecdote, in the most natural
,one in the world-'sAt the time l was
N love with an agglomeration of mole
,ules called Ernestine.'
A woman who went to a concert to
near a performer called Blind Tom
play by ear" says she was swindled,
md wants the fraud exposed. She says
hat, instead of playing by ear, he
played with his fingers, just like other
performers.
A wicked Connecticut man being re-
,ently taken i'll, and believing he was
bout to die, told a neighbor that he felt
he deed of preparation for the next
world and would like to see some prop
II person in regard to it. Immediately
he friend sent for. fire insurance
gent.