The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1881-11-12
The Bumptious Boy,

man"
The BumptiOus Boy.
1t seems to be pretty well agreed upon
by domestic critics that the boy as house
hold institution is not an object of unal-
loved delight, although he is TO be endur'
ed as necessary evil. Ofcourse that ap
plies to everybody's boy but our boy
Our boy is not the ordinary boy at all, but
hero born, an ineipient demi.gOd, the
young ST. George himself-althOugh the
neighbors may declare him to be st
George and the Dragon too, since nothing
in his path is left alive.
1t is in boy-nasure inevitably to be ac-
tive, leaping, laughing, living; tho growing
bones and muscles will have full play, the
healthy lungs full cry, A boy that Is any
sort Of boy must be gay aud noisy, and
must make an atmosphere Of commotlon
about himself and his boots, his dogs, his
TOYS, his guns, or his want OF all those and
like things. If he sat still aud talked un-
der his breath, We should know something
was the matter with him, aud expect but
poorly for his future; and SO, if our nerves
are in tolerable health, and nobody Is
really i'll in the house, We welcome all his
racket and stir, and would not have one
sound, one echo, the less Of his calling,
and jumping, and running, and Whisiling,
aud bouncing, and slammIng, aud It other
folks object TO him, we congratulate our
selves that his affairs are none OF ether
folks business, aud look forward to the
time When they viii regret their inability
TO perceive the greatness OF the maa that
was folded in the boy to await its timely
development
But this is merely the Common Boy Of
North America. as Aunt Jane 10 HaiboHe
would say-this Is ouly cur boy aud your
boy. There is something about this one
differing FROM the normaland generic boy
He is not the evil disposed boy, the bad
boy, or, worse than any Of the Others Cor
daily use and comfort, he is not the bump
tious boy. For Of all lhiags in family,
short Of shrews and scolds aud busyb0dies,
the bumptioas boy Is the most iutOlersble.
The bumptious boy Is always several
years older thau the family Bible registers
him, aud he impresscs the circumstance
upon you every day By means Of his sub
lime effronsery. While you consider him
the vcriest youth, be considers himself al.
ready q nan, and as far IS be eau acts up
to the assumption His tongue Is 10 every
dialogue; his opinion Is prOfered on every
point; bis advice is forced upon you,
whether the affair be momeHtous or tri-
fling. He receives your guests for you
before you can do il yourself; be takes the
burden Of their entertainment, he critscIscs
the cookery with the air Of DR.. Kitchener;
be is gallant to the house maids, who
humor him because it IS 50 laaghzble; he
affects airs of society, makes calls on
amused ladies, has engraved cards Il be
can get them, makes iass about his lineni
his correspondence becomes yoluminoas,
aud he is overrnu with occupations aud
engagements. He Apologies for appear
ing to neglect yoa; he offers to do ygu
services with his superior facilities be
pFetends 70 the couhdeuee Of people that
he knows you respect; he comments on
their pecnliaritics too; he opens the morn
ing paper aud peruses Il, whether his ei-
ders wait for it or not, aud knows all there
is to know on politics, being sure mel 20
espouse his fathers side, lest he be thonght
to take the ''old mans" opinions ready
made. He tasses of glass Of wine at
table, when be khows no one viii like to
dispute it, and ealis for another, to iei you
see what a man he IS, aud what a head he
has; he swaggsrs iato geniiemans room
aud helps himself 20 cigars; into a lady 5
boudoir aud busies himself .ith her work
basket, while affecting knowledge Of the
world that would make her laugh 10 her
sleeve if it we're not exceedingly offensive.
lie hints darkly; he assumes to have bad
affairs and experiences; if it were not un-
manly to boast, be would tell you OF many
women that are in love with him-'wIth
him, just out Of his pinafores lie prae-
tiees for future love-makiug with his aunts
and girl cousins, aud kisses them 10 a
manner that makes their fingers tinsle to
box his ears a dozen times over, il it were
not for their Christian kindness in hesita-
ting to amaze him, and hurt his surprised
feelings BY repuising his affections.
10 short, he is an urehin just in his
teens, with an overweening and colossal
coueeit Of himself, who is seonrge and a
nuisance, but who amuses everybody 50
much that be hardly kiudles lasting iudig-
nation, while the family hope concerning
him is that he may one day have sense
enough to see what a fool he has been.
You feel, nevertheless-if not so closely
bound u him as to feel nothing Of the
sOrt,-that the acquaintance oil this bump
tious boy is detrimental to every other hoy
with whom he comes in contact; aud for
the sake Of the human race in general
aud Of affording it as little injury as pos
sible, rather than let loose upon it this
hurtful species, you endure his well-meant
insolence, and the liberties he takes, your
self, aud long for the years to come that
shall put an end to his forth putting airs
and graees, and make him man, perhaps
not any the more disagreeable for having
at the early stage graduated 10 his bump
iiousness, and cast it off with the things
that are behind.-Harper's Ba=ar.