Connecticut western news., 1881-02-02
WIT AND WISDOM.
WHEN lovely woman is not jolly, But hides some secret grief within, What art can cure her molancholy2
 Saol'S hin


 with broken silence, says the Marathon Independent.
 As rule, the most untidy thing about house is the tidy on the back of a rocking chair.
 THE man who goes into business with the devil soon finds that his partner is soul proprietor.
 TIE wife bosses the husband until the baby comes along, and then the baby bosses the whole family.
 To BE effectively honest man must be honest at heart. Honesty that comes through bell-punch is full of holes.
 WE trust that, in his inexperience, Secretary of the Navy Golf will not be so unfortunate as to sit down on the tack of a ship.
 SAYS a cute observer: "The man who stops his paper to economize, like man who goes barefoot to save his shoes."
 IT is a great pity that some people grow bitter as they grow old. It seems as though the more teeth they lose the more they want to bite.
 A TRAVELLING printer, who, for want of employment, went to work on farm, came in one day and asked his employ CT if he should "set that hen solid"
 GIVE will give Mr. Vennor," says the Rockland Courier, "just once moro chance, and if he fails this time we shall hereafter be as only sister to him."
 THE worst about kissing @ Pittsburgh girl is that you will carry the mark of coal dust about your nose and other features till you reach the nearest pump.
 CHILDREN, says the Philadelphia Chronicle, should be continually warned against associating with bad company. This would save them, when older, from going to the Pennsylvania Legislature.
 INDIANA has law to prevent weak minded people marrying. A crusty bachelor insiuuates that the weak minded are the only persons who ever think of marrying. A PHILADELPHIA debating club hay ing decided the question, "Do surprise parties surprise ?" in the negative, will begin next on the question, "Do dona- tion parties donate ?" PEOPLE who start the new year with diary and get tired of it, should re- member that all of Oakes Ames' posthu- nous fame rested on the fact that he kept diary and didn't get tired.
 IN reply to the question, "What are the wild waves saying ?" we would sug- gest that it must be, "Come and see us next summer, and don't forget we charge four dollars week board"
 1T DON'T so much mind," said MT. Henpeck--"I don't so much mind a woman's having mind of her own, ex- cept that, in such case, she usually takes charge of her husbands also."
 IT isn't always best to mistake great deal of hustle for business activity. Some men thresh about in half bushel measure, and accomplish nothing but an unseemly whacking of its sides.
 OLD Mrs. Walker was reading the market reports in a Charleston paper. "Cotton is declining! !" exclaimed the old lady. "Wen, I thought as much the last thread used was remarkably feeble."
 A GREAT many of us are in the posi- tion of the Irishman who, when told that he had an upright judge to try him, replied: "Ah, Biddy, it's not an upright judge I want, my darlin', but one that will lean a little to my side."
 A PRUDENT and far-seeing mother married her two daughters some years ago to a plumber and an ice man, and now, no matter whether there is mild winter or a severe one, she has box at the charity ball, and spends the next summer at Newport or goes to Europe, with one or the other of her sons-in- law CHic.
 AN old witness was asked ill an in- sulting tone by an attorney if his memory was good. "Yes, was the re- ply, "on some points it is extremely ac. curate, but on others, must confess, that it is defective" "Won't you give the court an illustration ?" said the law yer "Well," drawled the aged wit ness, "I clearly remember that ten years ago you came to mo and borrowed SlOO, but for tho life of me I can't re. member that you ever paid me-"
 A NEW YORK chap is said to have gone to Boston in search of something to do, and expressed his estimate of the Hub generally as follows "Boston is too high-to toned for me. Before I can get anything to do, must have letter of introduction from the mayor, and a diploma from Harvard College. Be- sides, no one wears ragged clothes here. Lend me $2 and will leave the town.' The last seen of him he was eating dried apples and waiting for them to "swell."
 A NE1aHBoR, with coffee cup in her hand, called on Uncle Nose yesterday, remarIing, Uncle Nose, I want to borry cup ob parched coffee from you for breakfas' till tomorrow. "Go right to de box on de shef and hep yer sef" The neighbor did as requested, but discovered the box to be as empty as the head of legislator. "Uncle Nose, dars no parched coffee in dis baob box " "Does yer know why dar