The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-10-14
WHY We LAUGH.

most noise.
Experience is a school where man learns
what big fool be has been.
One swallow does not make summer but
1t lowers glass of beer dreadfully.
The man who gets bit twice by the same
dog is better adapted for that kind of business
than any other.
A man was whipped in Chicago for calling
another man "officiai bulletin" which was
construed to mean" liar"
Kentuckians generally end up their obitu-
ary notices With "The ball it tore from a
rified bore, aud surgeons were in vain!"
Cotton-planting, says the New Orleans Pic
ayue, requires only twelve months OF hard
work during the year. Must be something
like editing.
.What makes you look so deathly sick,
| Tommy" Well, the fac 4 the matteri IS,
I've been taking my first chew and I'm only
| an amachewer."
| Many persons are now recalling the won
| derful generosity Of Capt. Howgate, but 1t
seems impossible 10 recall the Captain.--
| Courier Journal.
Aman being accused Of extravaganza, de-
/ clared that the accusation was uni just. "For,"
said he, " / am very careful to live within
the means OF my creditors"
A red-headed sophomore recently attended
a masquerade wrapped from his neck to his
| heels In a brown cloth and with his head
bare. He represented lighted cigar.
| A New York Chinaman has the following
| notice, which we give according to the revis-
| ion: aTo trust Is to bust. To bust Is Hades.
1 No no kuat No huSt- HadpS.p
.Hope for bald heads!" angrily exclaims
tho editor of the Butte Miner, after reading
the heading of new advertisement. snow
hope Is not what we want. We need hair"
There are some experiences In life which
make us feel like the boy who, when he
stubbed his toe against a sharp stone, said he
was too big to cry and too badly hurt to
laugh.
The editor of Virginia paper was asked
by a stranger if ii was possible that the little
town kept up four newspapers, and the reply
was, "No, il takes four newspapers to keep
up the town."
Spittoons are not among the appointments
of the New York Elevated Railroad. Per-
sons on the street below have often remarked
the fact In, language which this paragraph
would blush to repeat.
IL YOU have found that dishonest life
don't pay, ii Is full time to become honest.
The old adage says, 1T is not necessary to
drink up The whole puddle in order TO learn
that the water Is dirty"
And old-fashoned minister, passing new
fashioned church on which spire was going
up, was asked how much higher II was going
to be. :. Not much," he answered; "that
congregation don't own much higher in that
direction"
aYou should have seen the situation oi
her lips," said the young clerk, enthusiastic
aIIy, "The situation?" began his friend
/" What did you do?" 81 grasped the situa.
tion. In fact, grasped the situation several
times before left."
Esthetic young lady: "By the way, Mr.
Gosoftly, have you read Bascom's Science
of Mud pr "N-n-aw. I'm not reading
much nowadays. pass my time IN original
r thought" Esthetic young lady with sym.
!, pathy): .sHow very dreary, to be sure"
> "No perccptible change" said he as hi
, read the head lines in the evening paper
NO, nor there hasn't been any for week,
J said she turning his pockets inside out, .'ant
If some isn't forthcoming pretty quick
i there'll be trouble."-Hartford Journal.
/ The following was evolved recently from
the brilliant brain of one of our Juniors
who has evidently been thinking seriously
his rhetoric: :. Most lies are hyperooles
Hyperbole is figure, hence most lies ar
figures. But figures can't lie. Ergo, lii
4 is not lie, quod est demonstrdndam.'
8 A correspondent of the Philadelphia Led
= ger saws that MISUNDERSTANDING
chllandyssiliogogo," the name of Welsl
e | al 10 rit TINS
L Observation-Disclosures coboolchthlandisil
: iogogo," but the majority of the people will
4 keep right along pronouncing II as 1t
!. spelled.
, Customer /" don't know how it is, bu
nv clothes never fit me nicely. Now, yo
ALWAYS make my friend, Captain Stollert's
f coats to sit beautifully Tailor: " "Ye:
/, sir, but he's got shoulders to hang 'em on!
+ a gentleman's made like a champagne bottl
no tailor can fit him!" Exit customer !
dudgeon.-Punch.
An exchange acknowledges itself corneret
! and in dilemma, and appeals for solutio
10 its neghbors. The following IS the situs
n tion: "And now they say that cider will prt
duce insanity. Let ms see: Tobacco, para
vsis; tomatoes, cancer; onions, social ostri
10 cism and drowsiness; whisky, jimjams; c,
d cumbers, collie; what may man safely ei
joy?"
A little three-year-old boy, already s.
lr apart for a lawyers calling, being taken
hand with rod after having been foTbidde
:, to pick another pear from a favorite diva
!, tree, Indignantly exclaimed, "Mamnla, u
y not pick off the pear; you come and see
Q, did, Sure enough he didn't. He silnp
stood there aud ate it, and the core was sti
"a | dangling from the stem.
ID The Presidential bulletins make one thr
of the sailors whose shipmate was knitted
n row on shore. They went to the hospit
next day to see how their wounded mes
III mate was getting along. Ben Bobstay wei
In TO ask about him, received true stat
ment Of his case from the surgeon, and can
ont with q solemn face. "Gcod Lor
mates,n he sa;a, jacks dead man. III
Latin part Of his bowels Is all cut
- thunder"
w "Folks talk about this being dry time
~ observed Mr. Smiley as lie wiped his lips
ea ter his morning bitters. "'Tain't nothin'
What have seen. When It gets so dry th
's shingles follow the sun an carl right up
IA you can see straight through the roof, an z
a. ery tire q hen steps on the blisteri
"A sidewalk she holds up her foot and blows
!. cool, an every time q dog sits down in 3
y. shade he jumps like a schoolboy getti
al away from tack nail, then you can ia
or about Its being hot and dry. Why, rec'
al lect one summer drove cows five miles
= water an then had to give 'em their o,
- milk to drink. There wasn't any water
DC them days an we used to catch the dew
for Just then . collector walked up the fro
ais steps to .scatch the due, !" and Ichabods Skim
out the back door with his wonderfully
NJ story half told.--Ne,c Haren Register.
nd
all Recently ii seems to us as though lar
-, number of people throughout this count
.v have nothing to do but write postal cards
I'm newspaper publishers, asking for samI
my copy OF their paper. Perhaps those peol
II. think We are publishing paper just to vi
: out our young life, but that Is where tn
fall into common error. We are trying
acquire competence, 10 that we can carr.
ck, summer cane and have special mug At
~, barber shop. with our monogram on It. Z
that Ii why we ask pay for things sometin