Arizona weekly citizen., 1881-10-09
Facts and EancieS.

Wanted-an invention to prevent the slamming of doors.
 The proper place for the meeting of gushing Emperors: Kissengen-
 Mama, the Apache chief, parts his hair in the middle, but he don't smoke cigar cites.
 An Irish member of Parliament once said that "a man can't stand on nothing unless he's bird"
 This is the first time in many years that the fish in the Wabash Rriver have been able to sleep in dry bed.
 SOliloquy by R. B. Hayes: Where have I heard of this man Arthur? It can't be that New York Custom House fellow"
 MT. Bergh's attention is called to the fact by Elder F. W. Evans that some eOnscieneeless people are trying to mu2- gle ghosts.
 "I know" said tourist in New Jersey, that the owner of that farm was fam ous apple stealer when he was boy. He keeps two dogs in his orchard"
 It cost the Government more to find out who bit of Whittaker's ears than 1t did to fit out the last Arctic expedition, and now it doesn't know.
 "It's sOt you are, winter or summer" said the snappish wife to her drunken husband. And it's scold you are, sum- mer or winter" be replied with malic- ious grin.
 A poor young man remarks that the only advice he gets from capitalists is to live within his income" whereas the I h. Ia t1 1fva h. out an income.
 A melancholy fact: A tombstone in graveyard not far from Washington Hol- low reads:
 Here lies little nigger,
 If he'd lived little longer
 He had been a little bigger.
 Mrs. Spriggins was boasting of her new house. The windows, she said, were all stained. That's too badl But won't turpentine or benzine wash it OffY' asked the good Mrs. Oldbody.
 Among the types of extinct Americans the Baltimore American mentions Washington's body servant, the Sam Slick Yankee, the old-fashiOned F. F. V., the Mississippi tlatboatman, "Mose' and "Sikesy."
 "It was only this week, said the RO- man Catholic Bishop of Little Rock, Arkansas. that I saw one of the most prominent Judges of this State in com panionship with a noted gambler, who only lately was released from State Prison"
 Some Boston families will not allow their children to read the OlJ Iesta- ment. If they would al>o forbid them to read the New they would have the | finest scheme c,, record for making the Bible interesting to the young. mere is an old Frenchman named Blot. Who IS a great cook you knot, He roasted duck
 And boiled a sheep's pluck
 Then went out of the river Co rot.
 A man who lived up in Edinburgh. Was such an internal stutturgh,
 That to a tree he WAS hOngue.
 By the end of his tongue. And thus they got rid of this mutturgh.
 When the King of Dahomy was in the English settlement on the coast he saw an officer having his boots blacked. The King didn't happen tO have any shoes on, but he walked up and had his bare feet polished. He could sling style with any of 'em.-l Boston Post. u..IaI aIwass carrs s-.- - lawyer happened to strike New Mexico with 8 in his pocket, and shortly after ward located claim, which he sold for | S3O,OO0. Another man, presumably printer. went to New Mexico with S3O, GOO in his pocket, and. after spending It | all, sold his claim for S.
 "He whose aims are all for his coun. | try, his God and truth falls blessed martyr when he falls" says the Phlladel | phia Press. Shakespeare was nearly as | eloquent when he put 1t: "Let all the ends thou aim'st at be thy country's, thJ | Gods and truths Then, Cromwell, Il thou fall'st, thou falrst blessed mar | tyr"
 | PUNCH ON GARFIELD. | So fit Co die. With courage calm, | Armed to confront the threatening dart, l Better than skill k such high heart, | And helpfuller than healing balm. l So it to Iivei With power cool, l Eauippe.l to ill hls functions great, To crush the knaves who shame the state, | Place seeking pests of honest rule
 Equal to either fate he'll prove,
 May heavens high will incline the scale
 The way our prayers would fam avah | To weight tito long life and love