The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1881-10-27
PTTH AND POINT.
KERNEL SELLEBs-peanut venders.
WONDER if q noise annoys an oystel


KERNEL SELLEBs-peanut vendeTs.
WONDER if O noise annoys an oyster.
IF a boy gets on the wrong track it.
shows that his fathers switch has not
had fair chance.
MEN are like pins. One with a little
head may be Just as sharp as one with a
big head.
So1E men go fishing to get fish, and
some don't those that don't generally
get what they go for.
" Do YOU think you'll be able to pull
through ?" anxiously inquired the
needle OF the thread. "Eye guess so, :"
WIS the curt response.
SAYsa contemporary, describing an
arrest : " He accompanied the police
quietly to the lookup, where our re-
porter happened to be at the time.
FQNQ mother: sis blowing fish
horn likely to result in injury to your
bOY?" " You wager it Is, ma'am, if he
blows 1t near US and we can catch him. "
YOUNG LOVER asks: &c When is the
best time to travel ?" When you SEQ
the old man and his bulldog coming
round the corner, sir, travel for all you
/ ere worth.
Mrs. SPBIGGDs, when she read Of the
failure Of the Universal Life Insurance
Company, sagely remarked that she
| 0ever did think much of "them UniVer-
salists."
"THAT's what 1 call finished ser
mOn," said a lady to her husband, as
they wended their way from church.
Yes" was the reply; "but do you
know, I thought it never would be. p"
SUPERFLUoUs-'sAnd so you learn
dancing, Bob 4? And how do you like
valsing &? )" "Oh, it's not so badl I can
manage very we'll myself, but I think a
girls rather In the way. Punch.
ETIQUETTE writes to inquire if, in
our opinion, it would be proper for him
to support a young lady If she was taken
with faint-even if he hadn't been in
trOduced. Proper, young man2 Ger
tainly, prop her by aumeans.
CANINE, said fond husband to his
wife, "what were the current expenses
for last month ?" "Oh, she answered,
"only 28 cents. ''Why, how was
that?'' ''Well, you see 7 only baked
cakes twice, and, therefore, used very
few curTants."
Nor long ago, In French provincial
theater, baritone made a fearful croak.
Kisses and laughter in the audience.
Then the artist came graVely forward
and saluted the audience: ''Messieurs, I
discover I have issued q false note
withdraw it from circulation.
IN the parlor, staying late,
Harry fingers with his fate,
TIL her ma, who cannot sleep,
Calls, "What time Is it you keep2'
Harry, thinking she would get
Time exact her watch to set,
Answers, with an air sublime:
"DO you wish to know the tlme?"
''DO you know it7" sharp she cries
@Ies'm. sweetly he replies
81 didn't think you did, young man;
But II you do, just tell my Ann"
"a FARMER" says an agricultural
paper, "does not need so many hands
since the invention of the reaping ma
chine" No, by the teeth of the dragon
and as q rule he does not have so many
by about one-half. And if he has so
many hands, ten to one he hasn't so
many fingers.
The threshing machine has robbed
country life Of one of its most ezhila-
rating pleasures. In the good old days
when the fail was the vogue the city
visitor could retire to the barn, and, in
one short half hour get more bangs and
bruises than he can now acquire all day
in the diamond tield.-BO8toYa Tran
script
81 DECLARE if there isn't the deacOn's
daughter out with a bran new shawl.
Well, I never" d" Hush p said a bettef-
informed female; tisn't hers. It's
fone she borrowed from the company
that's visiting over t the deacon's. -
" WSll, there's one thing I know. She
can't depend on borrowing to look well
in heaven. She'll have to wear her own
angel plUmage when she gets there. -
And they both bowed their heads as the
minister opened the services. - NeW
Hagen Register.
TWAS a sultry and muggy day, but
the agent, wiping the perspiratiOn from
his low but somewhat-manly brow, and,
throwing his linen duster back, began
" Madam, is your husband about p
Yes, he's about, but I tend to all
agents that show themselves round
here. What is it?" "Tm introducing
threshing-machine in this neighbor-
hood, and" "Not in this neighbor-
hood, you amt, if I know it. I'm COM
petent to do all the thrashing that's
needed on this farm. You ask my boys,
Bill and Sam, and, if you don't believe
them, ask my man just over in the lot
there, " and slight advance that she
made in his direction suggested to MIN
that he had better move on before she
tried her power on him.-NeoO Haven