The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1881-08-24
lYIz' IND WISDOM.

Barrels were first made int the copper age
Wit and Wisdom.
A rod aud lynn catches the biggest fish Of
the season. --picayune. hse
/ Don't judge Of a mans character by the
umbrella he carries. Itsmay not be his.
i Why Is turnpike like dead dogs tail +?
Because it stops a Vaughn .-Boston Post.
IS There should be q very few roughs among
the Polish people. Yonkers Gazette. aa83
Too much corn whisky makes the voice
husky.-New York Commercial Advertiser.
MISUNDERSTANDING laughter. Curious
language ours.--N. Y. Commercial Adver-
tiser. a asfe az baa
People talk of visit to the salt sea for the
purpose of getting little fresh arm. o.
Picayune.
Hoopskirts are to BE revived and there is a
| great deal Of hustle In the feminine world
New Haven Register.
When the river rises one foot what becomes
of the other? It remains tied, Of COURSE
Cambridge Tribune.
1t is safe for women, IL Is said, to use toy
pistols, for they are never known to have
lockiaw. Advertiser.
When the Arab has stolen everything else
in sight he quietly folds his tent and steals
away. New Orleans Picayune.
lsdYoung men should be careful about drop
| ping remarks They may be picked UP by a
bigger man. Anew Orleans Picayune.
Austin, Texas, has female sheriff, and the
horse thieves are just crazy to DO arrested by
her fair hands. Boston Transcript.
Little fishes get into trouble when they
play hooky. They should never run away
from their school.-Boston Transcript
The liens NOW sit on the garden fences and
weep because vegetation has got too far ahead
for them to damage it.-Somerville journal.
1t takes a cook to do thugs up brown
Syracuse Standard True, but the organ
grinder does things to turn,--Wit and Wis
dom. -
A flshermans occupation ought to be the
most profitable because his entire gross re-
ceipts are net profits. Elevated Railway
Journal
The clam has larger mouth in proportion
to its size, than human being, yeta clam
never talks about its neighbor. Whitehall
Times.
There is good deal Of human nature in
clotheslwringers. An Altoona girl had her
hand badly squeezed by one. Philadelphia
News.
It is appropriate to refer to the spanker
boom when whole primary school is whip
ped for some general misdemeanor. --Boston
Courier
The Woonsocket Reporter inquiries "Who
says it is unhealthy to sleep in feathorsP Look
at the spring chicken, and see how tough he
is. ~ e.sf aisd $50 ail toa5a 80
young man in this city who practiced in
the gymnasium one afternoon only, was able
Ito jump his board bill the very next day
Cincinnati Saturday night. sisiIs4 ead .s
A very small boy can get outside Of very
large watermelon in very small space of
time but it takes a very large doctor to har-
monte the two.-Rochester Democrat.
The Mikado of Japan is to have new
palace at Yeddo, which will cost $1,000, 0OO
Mike has evidently had some American con-
tractor figuring on the job.-Chicago Tribune
The International Medical Congress would
not admit the lady doctors. The ladies look
ed so killing the male physicians we're nat
urally jealous Of them. Boston Transcript
Notwithstanding the malaria said to SUR
round Washington, we have never yet heard
1 A. ilot I.<,o ..,Jk
draw his salary-New York Commercial Adj
vertser. ssA FHtN af
Again we are compelled to intimate to
mountain resort correspondents that snakes
under twelve feet in length can get no puffs
from this paper. A word to tho wise.--
Boston Globe.
The Boston Commercial Bulletin Gays
"The clock strikes without stopping work. !"
This keeps the hands employed and enables
them to go ON tick.--New York Commercial
Advertiser.
Il Fenderson says he has lots Of spare time on
his hands since he began to attend exclusively
to his own business. Formerly he was the
hardest worked man in the city. Boston
Transcript. s85 ,i,iee8 s ts .o
"Chinese BARRIERS shave without lather. =
This reminds us that our school master used
to lather without shaving. One is said to be
as painful an operation as the other. Nor
ristown Herald. esla4 hS
A cynical Benedict says one gets an ade-
quate idea of the desperate straits to which
Rnth was reduced in the land Of Moab only