Connecticut western news., 1881-09-28
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIT AND WISDOM.
 PAN-DEMoN1UM hotel kitchen.
 IRc ouo1s is fast, but Tanner is faster.
 A TRAMP is never satisfied with half @ loaf.
 THE roar of Niagara is pitched in a Falls key.
 A MAN is known by the company he keeps out of.
 A GOOD name for locomotive would be Cinderella.
 A REDUCTION of fare-Discharging fe- male employees.
 LAM willing to bury the hatchet-in MT. Tilden.-John Kelly.
 A LITTLE learning, in doctor, is dangerous thing, to the patient.
 A BOSTON paper tells of shoemaker who "caters" to the first families.
 SINGULAR that artists affect slouch hats. Chimney-pots would make 'em draw better.
 WHEN a man makes rye face it is natural to suppose that he is a little cross grained.
 CONES two" is the contradictory statement @ man often makes in an oyster saloon.
 A FOREIGNER travelling on a railroad train lost his head trying to compre- bend the warning, "Look out l"
 THE Chinese don't believe that this world is like ball. When man comes into this world he is not dressed for ball.
 THERE was young man, danger scorning, Went to see a young lady named Corning, But her fathers dog, Jack, Chased him all the way back, And his pantaloons now he is darning, YOUTHFUL Artist (to Countryman)- "Might I go over there and paint those trees ?" Countryman-"Pai Paint the trees, maister Don't thee think theey look very we'll as they are9"
 THE heirs of @ Maryland millionaire quarrelled about the sort of tomb stone his grave should have, and as result the grave has had to get along for twenty years without one.
 INDIGNANT Surely you don't mean this for likeness of my son? Why, the boy looks like an idiot" Photographer-"I'm I'm very sorry, but can't help that, ma'am."
 THE Rochester Democrat thinks that one of the saddest sights in the world is to see young man trying to treat his sweetheart's small and depraved brother as though he were his dearest friend.
 To politician "Come, now; SUD- pose there were to be change of ad- ministration-what would you do, ehP" "Sir, yours is a merely supposititious case the hour has not yet come for me to consult my conscience
 A MASSACHUSETTS farmer who has cultivated an acre of onions this year reckons that he has crawled twenty-two miles on his hands and knees wedding them. An kneesy way to get living, but weed rather not adopt it.
 SARAH F., Thorp Springs: "Where should I wear an engagement ring" Wear it on the second finger of the left hand, if everything is open and above board; but if you do not want the old people to know of the engagement we would advise you to wear it in the right hand corner of an old striped stocking at the bottom of the bureau drawer.
 IN primary school, not very long ago, the teacher undertook to convey to her pupils an idea of the use of the hyphen. She wrote on the blackboard, "Birds-nest," and, pointing to the hy- phen, asked the school: "What is that forP" After short pause young son of the Emerald Isle piped out: "Plaze, ma'am, for the bird to roost on P
 A BOSTON man took occasion to re- mark to his wife: My dear, the inf nite is always silent. 'Tis the finite only that speaks" She was dull woman, who didn't take hints, but she never forgot the remark, and long after ward, when some friends expressed a : wish to visit the deaf and dumb asylum, she turned to her husband and asked: "What days, my love, is the asylum of | the infinite open for the reception of finite visitors ?"
 I SOME time ago a man came into a Baltimore lawyers office in state of f great excitement, and asked him to com t mence proceedings for divorce. MT. I Dobbin heard him through, and then said: "I think have something that will exactly suit your case. Sitstill, and
 I will read it to you" The man re, mained seated, all ears, supposing he wal n to listen to Blackstone or Kent, wher t MT. Dobbins began to read "Betsey
 and are Out" By the time he hat l ended, the mans eyes were full of tears g "I believe I will go home," he said r And he and his wife have lived hRppil