The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-03-05

tNere TIC Cdpltdi IL D"oh"'
Slime sleighing," remarked the young ma
who paid $40 and costs for fast driving.
Chicago papers are eager to copy from 8
Louis papers so as to give credit to "A countr
exchange"
A Boston paper charges certain actors Wit
Illuminating trlte fatutios." No arrests wer
made.
'Meet me a. the CRATE, love-" is simply
warmed over version Of "Meet me at the gate
love-" to suit the season. s.r
It il sad but true that man who once become
deaf seldom enjoys happy hear after.--Svracus
HdEddrd.
Excited teacher: "Faugh compared will
your stupidity, Egyptian darkness would be
brilliant illumination"
The Cleveland Heroid fills ten columns with I
BAR banquet. The reading 10 as delightful Al
asyes's last message.
"What happy hours, sweet, spend"
He signs. "aone with thee"
'Tcs ALL" she says, "you ever apend---"
Good evening"" says he.
--Dt,oR Fro P,,1.
This is the way Conkling puts II: "Jobnsor
he iconoclast, Grant the llustrious, and Hayes
IRE goody good"
A rattlesnake In Chatham has been kept with
out food FIVE months, and doesn't lose any flesh.
t3s TO the serpent, thou Tanner.
I used to believe that women prefer those
whom they think handsome. Error. They pre-.
Fer those who think them handsome -Chdri,uri.
The butchers OF Brooklyn have Just started,
30. 7 If utf ri,th A
log Of mutton, well handled, ought TO make a
very good club. ss1 t.t'
An exchange says: 'Thc only kind OF cake
children don't cry after is q cake OF soap" How
about stomach cakc?-Syrdcuse Standard.
"Do try and talk little common sense" said
young lady to her visitor. "Ah, but wouldn't
tina. be taking an unfair advantage OF your
And now Vermont lady aged nnetysl comes
10 the front with bed quilt having n constitu-
ency Of 900 pieces. But judge her not harshly.
Perhaps she lies.
New Haven boys are very smart. The Register
knows one who accused his mothe. of painting
IN the stufiing Of pie with brush, because 1t
was 80 awfully thin.
Somebody says that when Boston girl Ia ask
ed for kiss she replies, ~ have no objection TO
aplatonic OSCILLATION, but permit me, first, to re.
move my glasses"
what would you do, Mr.. Colfax," asked a
eabinctmaker, ''if you were offered a place IN the
Presidents cabinctr' Quoth Schuyler, well.
should smile"
An freshman described q masquerade ball as
dancing with lot of yer old acQualnt ,nces
What ye niver met before"
This world Is not so bad world
AS some would try to make IL;
But whether bad or whether good
Depends on how We take II.
Greek poet.
Thus when the world seems very bad,
And all things 90 awry,
II may be that we took too much
When VIC ate that cold mlnce pie
dutch poet.
A new paper has been started 10 Paris called
The IDIOT II Is expected to break up the habit
local reporters have of using the word ''wc."-
hs.1 Orleans Iicdgune.
An exchange says its very bad thing to get
rich too rapidly. We never thought Of that be-
fore; now here's another danger for us to worry
shout aud strive to guard against
''The height Of the human figure" says some
authority, "shouid properly DO six times the
length OF the feet" Gracious! that would make
the average height Of st. Louis girl eight or
nine feet,
The Tennessee legislature having chosen a
woman as engrossng clerk, the susceptible bald
headed members swear that she Is the most Gu.
crossing clerk they ever had.
The Philadelphia North american thinks II q
man Is ashamed OF his business he ought to get
out OF II. Well, suppose his business Is psgging
shoco in penitentiary; what tho blazes 10 he
" do.
One Of the most exalted human beings upon
whom the sun OF heaven shines Is the young
mao who is permitted to have his name standing
a. the head Of the first column on the fourth page
~ patent inside paper as focal editor"
The following verse Is sung with no impious
attention in San Francisco revival meetings
among the sailors:
"0h, haul away, Lord, haul away!
Aud haul my soul ashore.
20 cheerily oh, Lord, checrIly oh!
long pull and strong pull, and pull
for cyermOre"
An insane physician has just been discovered
- buS ooulH Ehu lie IOlu us patients that they
we're not very sick, and went 10 work and cured
them OF what little did all them, In yerv quick
Sine He has been sent to the asylum boston
Post
"Do you follow scdentary occupation ~ asked
sae Judge, loosely, Of vagrant. swell,
should relax my featuresl'' was the response
"hii the money | have had In ten years go
iTom sitting on juries"
Verify there are purtans outside OF New Eng
Land. Last week Professor Hartman the magi
eiAn, and b troupe were arrested near Atlanta
Georgia, for playing cards In the railroad car,
and compelled 70 pay a fine!
contemporary contains a long article enti
Ted Effect Of smoking on boys" II Is not riytt
u sIna.kc az. hnNa Ii i1....-..z.. Li--.-.--'I =