The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1881-02-02
HUMOROUS.

..
The music Of the wild waves is aNep.
tune.
1--WE get out p as the farmer said to
q lamb in his corn. az
Fremen, as we'll as other people like
to talk of their old flames.
BARRIERS should make good Arctic dis
coverers. They frequently get near the
pole.
AS the sled is bent, 30 is the boy in
clined; as the slipper falls, so is he made
to mind.
Though he sleigh me, yet will
trust in him." says the pious maiden OF
her lover.
A boy can pull four times more weight
in boys on q sled than he can coal from
the back yard.
The newspaper writer is something
like d coroner, inasmuch as he is ire
quently obliged 20 20 on an ink quest.
During the recent census taken in
Switzerland the female citizens OF all
degrees energetically protested against
telling their ages.
"WEat do you love best in all the worldf'i
He asked as he looked in her eyes,
And she answered 80 soft and caressing,
Glove sausage and pumpkin pies"
tits clear that the Philadelphia Ne.os
man has some pretty daughters, for he
saws: Nothing will chap lips quicker
than going cut into the cold air alter a
goodnight kiss"
"Let's 60 hunting to-day" Impos.
sible! I was married only yesterday"
when will you gop" "When / am
less in love-" "Whenr" "In q fort
night."-Rdris Paper.
Avnoyel pump. .discharging fifty gall
Ions minute, Wog1e ~ hsu9asstAas
4heep
wells Island MNs know Wt6se6
the novels co67e from.
"Come right into the house chiildsen;s
shouted Mrs. Shuttle. "You are making
more noise and uproar than q session Of
Congress. What do You suppose 9he
ueighbors will thinke"
Elephants have been known: to live
400 years. Robinson's circus has one
eighty-four years old which, is as risky
as a kitten, and, by the way, Is q con-
hrmed tobacco chewer.
Notice.-The person whostole 'Songs
of the Sanctuary" lIom Dew No. 50
should impr we the opportunity of sing
ing them here, as he will have n , occa-
sion to sing them hereafter.
Ten years ago the United States
boosted fourteen cities Of over 100000
inhabitants each; now we have twenty
"a greater number than any other
country in the world contains.
We see an article in The papers about
boy inventors. We hope they will In
vent q boy who won't whistle through
his fingers and yell OH the streets at
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
A Bay City (Mich } philosopher tried
10 stop o runaway horse by taking hold
of a wheel of the carriage. When he
stopped revolving he wasn't any better
looking than he was before, but he knew
more.
The Young woman who had many
suitors, and from the time she was six
teen until she was twenty one rejectee
them all, referred in her later life to thai
period as her declining years."zSsA=-
6envtle Herald. ~
A-peet -asks,,in thirty-two lines,
"W hat do the trees say ?" If he was
to rccite his poetry under several trees,
we don't believe they would say any
thing. They would aye."-Norris.,
tom Herald. -
The lightning used on theatrical stages
costs $40 an ounce; but then so little Is
required that you can kill a $50 brigand
end ten Sl2 brigands so beautifully for.
about two cents. A little lightning Is
a dangerous thing.
If thy pocketbook be very plethorie
or corpulent, do not stuff it with anti,
tot, but take to thyself for q wife n OF
the fashionable young ladies, and in
less than one year thou wilt be satisfied
that thou hast discovered the true
remedy.
A sly Philadelphia girl, having q
lover she Vas afraid wouldn't stick,
covered her lips with glue and invited
him to kiss her. Owing to the fact that
she had previously posted her father
when to pounce into the parlor the plan
worked admirably.
Il think" said q fond parent, that
little Jimmy is going to be a poet when
he grows up. He duesn'L eat, and sits
all day by the stove and thinks and
thinks" you had better grease him
all over. He is going to have the
measles. That's what ais jimmy
Galveston NeWs.
A little thing in a Sunday.school was
asked by her teacher if she always said
her prayers at night and morning.
6 No, miss, l don't" "Why Mary,
are you not afraid to 60 to sleep in the
dark without asking the good father to
take care of you and watch over you
till morningp "No, miss, I ain t cause
1 sleep in the middle"
"See here" said a fault-fnding hus-
band to his wife, Eve must have things
arranged in this house 80 that we shall
know where everything is kept" with
ali my heart" she sweetly answered,
land let US begin with your late hours,
my love; l should dearly like to know
where they are kept" He let things
run on as usual.
Sdynriicinp in mil Ti~ao