Morris tribune., 1881-10-27
4 SPOOPENDYKE EXPERIENCE,
An Accession to the Family.

We'll, we'll, well" said Mr.. Spoopen.
dyke, with grin that involved his whole
head, and an effort at tip toe tread thai
shook the whole house. And so it's q
girl, my dear"
Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled family and
Mr.. Spoopendyke picked up his heiress.
It's the image of you" she said, regard
ing with some trepidation Mr. Spoopen-
dykes method of handling the infant.
L don't see how you make that out, j
said Mr.. Spoopendyke gravely. Il don't
know when my nose looked like the thumb
part of boiled lobster claw. Do 1 un-
derstand you that my eyes bear any resem-
blance to the head of a screw?"
Il mean the general features, murmur-
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke.
The general features seem to be all
mouth, retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. exam
ming his acquisition. ''If our general
features are at all alike, my visage must re-
mind you of an earthquake. Hi! kitchee!
kitchee! What makes her fold up her legs
like that?''
'She can't help it, reasoned Mrs Spoop-
endyke. They'll straighten out in time"
mo time like the present." quoted Mr..
Spoopendyke, and he took his daughters
feet and commenced pulling her limbs. "I
don't want any handy legged first in this
family while I'm at the head of it,"
Naturally the baby began to cry and Mr..
Spoopendyke essayed to soothe it.
Hi! kitchee! kitchee! kitch -ee- eel" he
chirrnped, Great Scott, what cavern ANY
idea how much this mouth weighs? Hi
kitchee! kitch-e-e! You'll have to get that
mouth rooted in before cold weather.
What's the matter with her, anyway"
Perhaps you hurt her. Let nae tax
her, please; pleaded helpless Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke.
She's doing well enough. Hi! YOU
Hold up2 Haven't you anything to cltch
this mouth in! It's spilling all over the
neighborhood. Hi! Topsy, Genevieve,
Cleopatra, dry up! I'm going to have
trouble breaking this young ones temper,
can see that. Here. bend the other way
once! and Mr. SPoopendyket RED to straight
en- up his offspring without avail.
"Let her come to Eue, do, please" moan
ed Mrs. Spoopendyke, and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke was forced to hand her over.
We'll, that's quite baby" said he,
nursing his knee and eyeing the infant.
"What're those bumps over its eyes for?
What preponderance of intelligence do
they representa-"
b.
Spoopendyke. "She's the handsomest
child you ever saw"
We'll, she's got to stop biting her nails
before she goes any further with this pro-
cession. Here, take your hands out of
your mouth, can't you? Why don't you put
her hands down."
'Why, all babies do that" explained
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "You can't stop that. "
I'm going to try" said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, "and ], don't want to be interfered with
in bringing this child up. Here, you, Maud
s. Bonesetter, put your hands in your
pockets! Don't let me see any more nail
chewing or you and I'll get mixed up in an
argument. She gets that from your family,
Mrs. Spoopendyke."
Say, dear, don't you want to go and or
der some things?" asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke.
"No," rejoined her husband, 81 want to
sec this youngster. Where's her chin? Do
babies always have their upper jaw set
right on their shoulders? Kitchee! kitchee!
Her scalp comes clear to the bridge of her
nose. don't believe she's quite right,
Where's here forehead2 Great Moses! Her
head is all on the back part! Say, that ba-
bys got to be pressed. That's no shape"
"Get away, exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke
Indignantly. "She's q perfect angel.
There's nothing in the world the matter
with her."
"Of course you know" growled Mr..
Spoopendyke. "You don't want anything
more than fog horn and misspent appro-
priation to be an orphan asylum. If had
your faith and the collie I'd make O living as
foundling's home! She'll be old enough
to spank in o week won't she? ,s..ss -
No. she won'tP said Mrs. Spoopendyke.
She'll never be old enough for that"
'Tll bet she will" grunted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, II she isn't, she'll get it before she
natures up to that period That's all. Let
me take her. Here, let's have her"
But Mrs. Spoopendyke fatty refused.
Keep your dod gasted baby, then!"
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke. IF you know
more about babies than I do, then keep
her. The way you coddle her one would
think she was new paste for the complex
ion. II you had one more brain and O ham
die, you'd make o fair rattle box! Lit you
up with a broken sofa and grease spot and
you'd do for second hand nursery"
And Mr.. Spoopendyke started off 10 find
his friend Specklewottle, who congratulated
him, and started off with him to assist in
the selection of an overcoat and a pair oi
ear muffs as precautionary against the ap-
preaching winter.