Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-02-12
: WIT AND HUMOR. s:zs.

Chicago girls never find it hard to
elope. They make rope-ladders out
of their shoe strings.
Husband-'M Mary, my love, this ap-
pie dumping is not half dong" Wife
-"Well, finish it then, my dear"
A woman who has four sons, all
sailors, compares herself with year,
because she has four seasons.
The first American inscription put
upon the obelisk will be "Post No
Bills"
A Danbury man with hammer
went to New York, last week, to Sc
cure a piece of the obelisk. But the
police nabbed him before Egypt it off.
A youngster joyfully assured his
mother, the other day, that he had
found out where they made horses !;
he had seen man finishing one-"he
was just mailing on his last foot"
An old salt, when asked how far
north he had ever been, replied that
he had been so far north ''that the cows
when milked beside q red-hot stove,
gave ice-cream."
It is said that sharks will not bite q
swimmer who keeps his legs in mo-
ton. If you can keep kicking longer
than shark can keep waiting, you'll
be all right.
Son-"Father, the lecturer at the
hall tonight said that lunar rays were
only concentrated luminosity of the
earth's satellite. What do you think
about it?" Intelligent parent-"All
moonshine, my sou, all moonshine!'
There are hundreds of young men
on the street corners who will GO
without suspenders for the sake OF
smoking cigarettes. They cannot have
every thing, of course, and they choose
that which is most congenial.
A Philadelphia paper says: "The
fewer feathers a woman has in her
bonnet in this world, the moro she
will have on her wings in the world
to come" This sort of trimming fol-
heaven is carrying the millinery busi-
ness too far.
He softly kissed his sleeping wife.
Then with lingering look
OF fond affection straightway went
And kissed her pretty cook.
Alas for him, the gentle wife ",
| He thought asteeps was noeS
And for her cook and hubby, too,
She made it mighty hot.
A few mornings since ragged littl,
beygar stopped at door and plain
lively suggested victuals. AS the be.
nevolent lady of the house was filling
his basket she asked: "What is you
name, my son?' "My name is Grimes
as your father living9" eyes
ma'am." 81 thought old Grimes wa!
dead?" "That was my grandpa"
There are more ways than one te
keep husband home evenings. The
wife might put up cask OF beer ii
one corner of the dining room, cover
the floor with sand AMI hire two OF
three dirty fellows 10 fill the place
full of smoke from vile cigars. A wo
man witt. any sort of tact can max
home as happy and cheerful as bee
saloon.
Hahnemann, the founder of tn
homeopathic school, was one day con
suited by wealthy English lord. Th
doctor listened patiently to the pa
tient. He took small phial, openet
it and held it under his lordship'
nose. "Smel! Well, you are cured.
The lord asked in surprise, Chow mucl
do owe?" "a thousand francs wa!
the reply. The lord immediatel.
pulled out q bank note and held it un
der the doctors nose. 'Smell! Well
you are paid!"
She-"Of course you went to Mon
sieur Remains lecture on Marcus Au
relius?" He-"No, didn't. VINO,
Marcus Aurelius?" "Why, q Romal
emperor, to be sure, and stole. He.
"Haw; what's a stoic?" Shea
stoic? Well, at all events, March,
Anrelius was one-at least, he dldn''
60 SO far as noststoics." He-"Dld'n q
he? How far do they go3" She
what q ridiculous question" Col
lapse Of conversation. gs'l gsax