Osage Valley banner. (Tuscumbia, Miller County, Mo.) 1879-1881, 1881-07-14
1.hos, uarIons we.tsEa peonIe.

''NfN h'feNAf " 80 '|t ~ -iNItNa
a young man who lest Detroit for
Deadwood ia March. " the best OF
health and with lots ot gpod clothes
and plenty OF moaey, got home the
other day with his Wight reduced
twenty-eight pounds. bis elbows and
knees out tl the wealieF, aud his
stomach entering upon a third DAYS
fast. He had no parlicqlar adventures
TO relate aud no apologies to make.
All that alled him was tho sact that he
didn't understand the Western
people, lie 4 dnit A,Athat \ op
have rot to take 'em on the run to
bring EN- down, and he consequently
put his foot in IL at every move. Soon
alter reaching Deadwood. and while
getting away with dinner at res
taurant a stranger came in and called
him snipe, and a buzZard. and a
chicken, and several other ornithologic.
al Cognomens. and ended by kicking
the crown out OF his plug hat Now,
the proper way would have been TO pull
out pepper and have popped that
stranger until the noondaY sun would
have lighted up his whole interior; but
the Delr1iter let the golden opportu.
nifty slip away, aud was whistled out of
the neighbOrhood.
Then some one told him that he might
strike JOB in the railroad offices. II
he had obeyed instructions he wonld
have been all right. He was told TO
slant his hat on his ear, light fresh
cigar, and walk in on the magnate, and
say;
Hello! old 7x9--hows your bully
health this morning9 Have smoke?
Bet you will! How are all the boys.
anyhow? Got place here for a chap
who's up to snuff. and the strongest
brand at thatp Come outand gulp some.
thing at my expense Nothing mean
about me, and don't you forget it, old
pard"
1 Yes. he lost the situation through his
own obstinaey. He sneaked into the
/ Office like sheep-stealer. put his hat
/ on chair. and faintlyinquired if they
would DO so everlasting good rs TO in
I form him If there was a one horse VA
cancy to be filed, They gave him the
/ hoss bounce inside OF a minute, and
i after that no boot-b black would look at
him.
/ Then there was a provision dealer
who was terribly in want of an assist
ant The Detroiter WAS just the mar
for the place except that he wasn't
He was put ON the right track by no
tel clerk, who explained:
Now, this Jones is rather queer
and YOU must strike him right HoI
want to 90 in and cuss him from hi;
eyebrows To his toe nails. and wher
you get through You can pretend tha
YOU took him TOR old Smith, just arQunC
the corner. He's great cusser, an,
he'll take to you like molasses to I
shingle."
That job was also lost The Detroite
called at the store, explained that h'
had heard so and so, and ended with |
wishy-washy request 20 be taken OF
trial salary no object Old JOne
heard him through, aud then callet
him Michigan dish-rag, an Eastern
mulberry and ever so many othe
things, aud tried 20 hit him in the bacl
with barrel of Chicago hard tack
IL was the same IN a dozen othe
cases, and finally prominent either
OF the town took it upon himself TO hal
the Detroiter on the street and say L
him:
"Say, boy. this amt no town 70
you. Hadn't you better Sit up an
tiyP'
The Detroiter couldn't fy. but h
had gait OF six miles an hour, up hill
and down. He also got lift on
freight train now and then, aud he ha
now returned 10 a people whom he ca
understand and appreciate. --Detro
B'rse Press.