The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1881-07-30
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

| LEI 6Iilp VIC LSHI IdnldSJlc toe,
said the chiropodist to his patSieltt.
THE man who cannot whistle a tc'''
usually does most of the whistling aS Sss.
THE "White Mountain range B" l..
recommended as cooking aparatu t ns:.ot.
WHEN the ship capsizes the crew sh
be supplied with righting materia-
once.
HE latest attempt to raise money
we hear of is by fellow who trit
pawn the "silent watches of the nigl re
A NEW kind of berry is being grow =
called the Telegraph" An eIectri,a
currant, probably YonkerS States
man.
How to prevent snoring-go to bed at
half-past twelve o'clock, and get up at
thirty minutes before one. -&eu6enriUe
Herald.
PRISONER, have. you ever been con-
victed?" "No, your honor, l have al
ways employed first-class lawyers. -
Boston Post.
A NORRIsTowN youth who was trying
to master bicycle, when asked his age,
said he had seen fifteen summers and
about lis falls.
DID you say the title of your poem
was " Nothing lost but hearth" Well,
the damage depends a good deal on
what is trumps.
A SCIENTIFIC writer says that when a
cat is humping her back up she is really
talking by q sign Sort of back talk
NeaO York Herald.
CAN that the Pillar of Hercules ?"
she said, adjusting her silver spectacles.
"The land sakes What's the rest of
his bed-clothes like, l wonder Pun.
BRIGHT little maid who was frolicky,
Made the sweetest green leaves ma jolica,
But she swallowed some paint,
And now she's saint,
After being an hour pale and colicky.
IMPENDING correspondence: Colored
help" Miss Mary, wish you'd gimme
an antelope and some of your indefinite
ink-I's got to write a letter dis even
ing"
JOHNSON" Smith, what kind of a
beast would you prefer to be, if you had
to be one?" Smith-Well, Just at this
time of year 1 think I'd rather be little
bare"
SCIENTISTS assert that an angle-worm
on fish-hook suffers no pain We now
understand why they squirm so-they
merely want to take little exercise
Philadei0hi0 Nea0s.
''IsN'T the dining-room painted too
dark" said a Yorkville husband who
went home to boss the paper-hanger.
"We1l make up the difference in light
dinners" said his wife.
A LITTLE Utica girl, regarding her
doll thoughtfully, recent, remarked in
the presence of her mother: ODDLY,
we're all alike; mamma and | are made
of dust, and you're made of sawdust.'
AT state dinner given by an African
king last year, some boxes of American
sugar coated pills furnished the desert.
That was when the king was little
green, but he can't be fooled again.
Detroit Free Press.
TOMMY went fishing the other day
without permission of his mother. Next
morning a neighbours son met him and
asked; Ibid you catch anything, yester-
day, Tommy?' "Not till got home,"
was the rather sad response.
A MAN who was fishing for trout in
the Tionesta years ago, so the story runs,
caught his hook on bag of gold and
brought it safely to shore As he looked
at the gold he sadly said: "Just my
luck; never could catch any fish. oil
city Derrick.
ELEGANT diamond shirt-studs do not
always make a man happy, says the
Herald philosopher. 1t has known
man to wear thousand dollars worth
of shirt-studs at the races and yet suffer
all day because his rear collar button,
made of bone, got down his back.
THE poor Kansas farmer aud husband
man has had a hard, hard time Six
months in the year he is kept busy re-
pairing the damage done by the last cy-
clone, and the other six he stands pa
tiently holding on to his hat waiting for
the next one to come.-Le Roy Times.
LITTLE Johnny had been caught by
his aunt testing fly. Johnny" said
she, "supposing some great beast
tn ousand times bigger than yourself
should tease you and perhaps eat you all
up?" q hope" said Johnny, "he'd
feel as bad as 1 do when | swallow
fly"
AN exchange prints a long recipe, ex-
planning chow to perfume dwelling"
It's two expensive. The cheapest and
quickest way to perfume a dwelling is
to fry piece of Goldfish or roast O few
onions. They go right to the spot-and
linger around the spot for considerable
length of period.
The most hopeful physician is an
Ohio doctor who refused to give man
up until after he had been buried
several days. The man the doctor held
to was not regular patient, but one
that he had dug up in a graveyard for
dlssecting purposes. An irate relative
with shotgun persuaded the doctor to
give the man up.-TcraS Siftings.
LITTLE Jimmie, for once, couldn't
have his way. "Mamma, am goingto
leave 90; going to take the tain an
never tum back" Mamma said: every
well; [, too, shall get on a train and go
away forever" This terrible scheme
had never entered Jimmie's head. He
suddenly remembered that if his mother
were to disappear he would certainly be
spanked as often as he should deserve
it. Running up to her and throwing
his arm about her, he said, mamma,
me and you'ngo on the same tain--wont
we, mamma %
The eight-year old boy had been to
Sunday school, where his teacher had
told the class the story of Moses leading
the children of Israel through the Red
Sea; how the waters were divided, and
Moses and his people passed over on dry
land, and how, when Pharoah and his
hosts attempted to follow, the water
closed in and destroyed them. The lit
tie fellow. walking home with his father,