River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-08-18
/" Simply q Cueincidence."

"Durin' de pas week" said the Presi-
dent, as the dust settled down little,
~ have received scores of letters akin
me if | am de Gardner who has lately
bin 'lected President of Liberia. / desire
to say right heah dat I am not de pus-
son. 1t am simply a cueincidence of
names"
"Cueincidence !" queried the Rev.
Penstock, as the President paused.
eyes, sab, cueincidence, sah."
CT begs your pawdon, sab, but
am"
"Brudder Penstock," said the old
man, in very solemn tones, 'de penalty
for interruptin' dis char when he am
talkin' is a fine of six hundred dollahs.
You have bin guilty of dis offense mo-
dan twenty times, an muffin, but my
respect for your cloth has prevented
de enforcement of dat penalty"
"But | desired to k'rect de language
of de char. De char said cueinci-
| dence."
"K'rect de language of dis char!
| What has language got to do wild our
purceedins' heah? Sartinly | said it
was cueincidence of names. What
am wrong about dis? Doan' cueinci-
dences happen cherry day? Doan' we
hear of dem in cherry issue of de papers
Can't we fin dem on every street
| co'ner?"
eyes, sab, but"
''Brudder Penstock, sot down-sot
down wild all your might. Do you
'spcse dat de President of dis club has
stood still an let de world move away
from him since he was 'lected Not
much, SAIL l am free to acknowledge
dat SIGH words as 'carniverous' an
'capilliay stretched out a rod long in
my eyes fo' Vars ago, but whar am dey
dow? What, sab, L could sit down
wild you in de mawnin' and spend de
hull day on SIGH words as 'contempor-
aneously,' Unanimously and 'authen,
ITCHY an not sweat a ha'r. Doan
emagine, sab, dat you has get all de
eadicashun in de kentry. Your teei
look white, an you keep yer HAIR vel
lied. but de calamitious infringements
artistically portrayed toward de inde
fatigable sequestration may have q
carboniferous understanding.
Penstock wilted In twenty one
seconds he lost seven pounds of fat ano
ali his confidence, and it will be a Ions
time before he RECEIVERS from the avail
anche. Cheers greeted the President'
grand fms, and some one took advan
tage of the excitement to hit the sleep
ing Elder Toots full in the mouth with
musty banana.-Detroit Free Press,
Something the Papers Did Not Get
a Washington dispatch to the Cleve
land Leader Saturday, gave the follow
ing: There were many rumOrs atioa
to-day about the President, and his con
dition was made out to be much .wors'
than it really was. DO you remember.
asked the Lieutenant detailed to com
mand the United States troops i'll tn
Executive Mansion grounds, to you
correspondent to-day. the last day
was stationed here? 1t was on Tuesday
the 18th. Yes, / remember the day
1t was when the Presidents pulse ros
so much higher than at any prevlou
time We'll, it rained very hard tina
night. Twas compelled to sleep in th
east room of the White House. Yot
NAV not know it, but the physician
gave the President up for dead tina
night. The Vice President was sent TO
and remained until nearly morning
All the members of the Cabinet wer
present and Justice of the Suprem
, Court was at hand to administer tn
oath. The physicians had no idea tina
the President would live through tn
night. He did, though. and improve
so much before daylight that the Cal
met all left for home. 1t was agree
. not to say anything about it, and tn
+ newspapers never had an mixing of tn
r matter. / seem to come here on luck
days continued the officer. Twas her
on the first day of the shooting, on tn
+ night ofthe 18th, when he was so baC
and again to-day when he has had hi
chills.