Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1881-05-14
Lady Physicians.


Pcck's snn.
!, A St. Louis doctor factory recent
: ~ turned out a dozen female doc
) tors. AS long as the female doctor
were confined to one or two in thi
whole country, and those were ex
perinental, we held our peace, ant
! did not complain; but now that the
! colleges are engaged in producing
! female doctors as business, we
must protest, and in SO doing viii
give few reasons why female doc
tors will not prove paying branch
of industry.
In the first place, if they doctor
anybody it must be woInen, and
three-fourths of tine women would
rather have a male doctor. Sup
pose those colleges turn out female
! doctors until there are as many of
them as there are male doctors,
what have they got to practice on ?
A man, if there is nothing the mat
ter with him, might call in female
| doctor, but if he was sick as horse
| Gf man is sick he is sick as a
horse), the last thing he would
have around would be a female
doctor. And why? Because, when
a man has a female fumbling
around him he wants to feel we'll.
He don't want to be bilious or
feveriSh, with his mouth tasting
like cheese, and his eyes blood-shot,
when the female is looking him
over and taking account of stock.
OF course, these female doctors
are all young and good-looking,
and if one of them came into a sick
room where man was in bed, and
he had chillS, and was as cold as
wedge, and she should set up close
to the side of the bed and take hold
of his hand, his pulse would run up
to a hundred and fifty, and she
would prescribe for fever when he
had chilblains. Oh, you can't fool
us on female doctors. A man who
has been sick, and had male doc
tors, knows just how much he
would like TO have a female doctor
come tripping in and throw her
fur-lined cloak over a chair, take !
off her hat and gloves and throw |
them on a lounge, and come up to |
the bed with pair of marine blue |
eyes, with a twinkle in the corner,
and look him in the wild, change
able eyes, and ask him to run out
his tongue. Suppose he knew his
tongue was coated SO it looked like
a yellow Turkish towel, do you
he would want to run out
over five or six inches of the lower
part of it and let that female doctor
put her finger on it to see how furry
it was? Not much. He would put
that tongue up into his cheek, aud
wouldn't let her see it for twenty
five cents admission. We have all
seen doctors put their hands under
the bed-clothes and feel of a mans
feet to see if they were cold. If a
female doctor should do that it
would give man cramps in the
legs. A male doctor can put his
hand on mans stomach and liver |
and lungs, and ask him if he feels
any pain there, but if a female doc
tor shOuld do the same thing it
would make a man sick, ana he
would want to get up and kick
for emplOyinga female doe
tor. Oh, there is no use talking, ii
would kill a man.
disease, and female doctor should {
want to listen to the beating of his [
heart. She would lay her left ear
)n his left breast, SO her eyes and
'oSe-bud mouth would be looking
light in his face, and her Wavy hair
would be scattered all over there,
getting tangled in the buttons of his )
light shirt. DON'T you suppose his
leart would get in about twenty
Extra beats to the minute? You {
BET And she would smile-we
will bet ten dollars she would smile
md show her pearly teeth, and the .
'ipe lips would be working as Z
hough she were counting the beats, !
md he would think she was trying ;
o whisper to him, and. Well, !
what he'd be dOingall this time ? If !
le was not dead yet, which would +
De d wonder, his left hand would =
rush the hair away from her tenn +
lie and kind of stay there to keep ;.
he hair away, and his right hand =
round to the back of her head, =
nd when she had counted the beats !,
few minutes and was raising her =
cad, he would draw the head up p
D him and kiss her once for luck, a
he was as bilious as a Jersey Il
wamp angel, and have her charge "
in the bill. And then reaction h
Jould set in and he would be as n
Ieak as a cat, and she would have 8,
, fan him and rub his head till he ii
OF over being nervous, and then n
lake out his prescription after he v
OF asleep. No; ali of mans II
change when a female O
oct0r is practicing on him, and Il
ne would Kill him dead. q,