The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-03-17
SOME DIFFICULTY ABOUT A DOG

Look here, my dear" said Mr. spoopendyke.
as he led huge and shaggy dog into his wife's
room. i've got dog friend Of mine gave me,
What do you think OF himH'
Good graclousl, calculated Mrs. spoopendyke,
mounting a chair in dismay. rs he mad, my
dear?"
mo, MIS- spoopendyke" retorted her husband
"he not only isn't mad, but he isn't stepladder
either, nor bird'seye view. He's dog, and II
you don't get out Of that chair he probably bite
your legs off,"
Mrs. spoopendyke sat down on her feet and
eyed the brute with some trepidAtion.
May be he's got the hydrophobia," she Eug'
gested by way Of hearty welcome,
"P'raps he has" agreed Mr.. spoopendyke, "but
II he has he's got 1t In his pocket Come here
doggee, doggae, dOggeel" and Mr.. spoopendyke
snapped his fingers persuasiVely.
"Why don't he come when you call himi" ask.
ed Mrs. spoopendyke deeply interested In the
proceedings.
Because you make such a dod gasted noise
you scare him." explained Mr.. spOopendyke,
Come, dOggee, doggee'
"I IdOn't quite like the way his tongue hangs
out" objected Mrs. spoopendyke, ut don't look
natural"
maybe you don't like the way his tail hangs
out either P'raps you think that is artificial,
too. With your information about dogs you only
need slat battom and broken hinge to be dog
pound Keep quiet now, while teach him some
tricks Come here, doggee Sit up, sirI'
The dog stretched out his fore.legs opened his
mouth like a folding bedstead and growled.
what makes him do that2" asked Mrs. spOop.
endyhe, sitting on the back Of her chair with her
feet in the seat.
"God dod gast III" howied Mr.. spoopendyke.
"Who do you s'pOse makes him do III Thinks,he
works with a wire2 Got a notion he goes by
steam2 He don't, tell ye, he's alive he does 1t
because that's the belt Of his measly mind What
are you sitting up there ior2 Can't you see he
don't like III Now, you sit still. Here doggee
doggee, good doggee, sit up and begl' and Mr.
Spoopendyke held up al admonitoIy finger
The dog eyed Mr., spOOpendyke with anything
but an assuring glance.
Hes hungry" suggested Mrs spoopendyke
Dogs do like that when they want to be taker
down in the yard and fed"
"ofcourse you know" grumbled Mr.. spoopen
dyke. "All you want is perfect ignorance on tht
part of the police to be dog fight. GotanythinL
in the house for him TO eal2"
There's some cold oyster stew and piece o.
custard pie"
That's it?' raved Mr., spoopendyke. THAT
what's the matter with the dog. He wants pie
You've got 1t. You only need committee and
fight over proceeds to be bench show. Where
the oysters2 Don't ye see that piniug for oysters
Haven't ye got some cold coffee for himH Civ
him lemon to stay his stomach and MI
Spoodendyke jumped straight up In the air ant
landed on the dog
The dog made for the open air with howl ant
Mr., spoopendyke gathered up twelve baskets o
himself and looked after his prize.
"Never mind, dear" said Mrs. spoopendyk
soothingly; he'll come back"
"If he does I'll kill him" shouted Mr.. spoopen
dyke, "see what you've done. You made M
lose my dog and torn my trousers. Anything
more about dogs you don't know2 Got any NOR
intelligence to impart about dogsH All you wan
is bucket Of brandy around your neck and
snow storm to be monk Of st. Bernard" whicl
logical conclusion Mr.. Spoopendyke began ex
ploring his outlying districts for possible bites
while his wife speculated upon the salvation O
the cold oysters and the custard pie by the sud
den and eminently satsit CtOry disaffectlon Of tn
dcg.-BrOoklyn Eagle,