The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1881-11-24
TIE NEW BABY.
An Unusual Exusrisncs IN the Spoop-
sndyks Family.
fBrooklyn Eagle. !

tBrooklyn Eagls.l
"Wsll, well, WE'LL" said Mr.. Spsopen-
| dyke, with grin that involved his
whole head, and an effort at tip-toe
tread that shook the whole house, "and
so it's girl, my dear"
Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled family and
Mr.. SpsOpendyke picked up his heiress.
"It's the image OF you," she said, re-
garding with some trepidation Mr..
| Spoopendyks's method of handling the
| infant.
"I don't see how you make that out Z
said Mr. SpSopendYke gravely. al
don't know when my nose looked like
the thumb part of boiled lobster claw.
Do understand you that my eyes bear
any resemblance to the head of a screw ?"
al mean the general features" MUIR
INJURED Mrs. SpOopendyke.
''The general features seem to be all
mouth" retorted Mr.. SpOopendyke,
examining his acquisition. "lf our
general features are at all alike, my vis-
age must remind you of an earthquake.
Hi! kitchee kitcheei What makes her
fold up her legs like that?''
''She can't help it," reasor ed Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "They'll straighten out
in time"
"No time like the present." quoted
Mr.. Spoopendyke, and he took his
daughters feet and commenced pulling
her limbs. l don't want any handy
legged baby in this family while I'm at
the head of it.''
Naturally the baby began TO cry, and
Mr.. SpOopendyke essayed to sooth it.
'Hi kitchee! kitcheel kitchee-ee-ee!"
he chirruped, "Great Scott, what a
cavern! Any idea how much this
mouth weighs? Hill kitcheel kitchee-
e-e! You'll have to get that mouth
rooted in before cold weather. What's
the matter with her, anyway"
"Perhaps you hurt her. Let me take
her, please" pleaded helpless Mrs.
SpOopendyke.
"She's doing well enough. Hill you
Hold up! Haven't you anything to catch
this mouth in2 It's spilling all over the
neighborhood. Hill TOpsy, Genevieve,
Cleopatra, dry up! I'm gong to have
trouble breaking this young ones
temper, L can see that. Here, bend the
other way oncew and Mr.. Spoopendyke
tried to strengthen up his offspring
without avail.
"Let her come to me, do, please"
mOaned Mrs. Spoopendyke, and Mr..
Spoopendyke was forced to hand her
over.
"Well, that's quite a baby" said he,
nursing his knee and eyeing the infant.
"What're those bumps over its eyes for ?
What preponderance of intelligence do
they representa-
"YOu mustn't talk So" demonstrated
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "She's the hand
soonest child you ever saw"
well, she's got to stop biting her
nails before she goes any further with
this procession. Here, take your hands
out of your mouth, can't you? Why
don't YOU put her hands down?"
"Why, all babies do that" explained
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "You can't stop
that"
"I'm going to try" said Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, "and don't want to be inter
fered with in bringing up this child
Here, you, Maud 5. Bonesetter, put
your hands in your pockets! Don't let
me see any more nail-chewing or you
and I'll get mixed up in an argument.
She gets that from your family, Mrs.
Spoopendyke."
"Say dear, don't you want to go and
order some things ?' asked Mrs. Spoop-
endyke."
NO." rejoined her husband. "I
want to see this youngster. Where's
her chin? Do babies always have their
upper jaw set right on their shoulders?
Kitcheel Kitcheel Her scalp comes
clear to the bridge of her nose. l don't
believe she's quite right. Where's her
forehead? Great Moses! Her head is
all on the back partl Say, that baby's
got to be pressed. That's no shape"
"Get away" exclaimed Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, Indignantly. "She's a perfect
angel. There's nothing in the world
the matter with her."
"Of course you KNOW" growled Mr..
Spoopendyke. you don't want any
thing more than fog-horn and a mis-
spent appropriation to be an orphan
asylum. If had your faith and the
collie I'd make living as foundlings'
home! She'll be old enough to spank
in a week, won't she ?"
''No she won'ti' said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. "She'll never be old enough for
that"
"Pll bet she wifl," grunted Mr.. Spoop-
endyke; "if she isn't, she'll get it before
she natures up to that period. That's
all. Let me take her. Here, let's have
her."
But Mrs. Spoopendyke datly refused. |
''Keep your dod gasted baby, thenl"
roared Mr.. Spoopendyke. "If you know
more about babies than do, then keep |
her. The way you coddle her one
would think she was a new paste for |
the complexion. If you had one more
brain and handle, you'd make fair
rattle-boxi Fit you up with broken |
sofa and q grease spot and you'd do for |
q secondhand nursery"
And Mr.. SpoOpendyke started of to
find his friend Specklewottls, who con-
graduated him, and started of with him |
to assist in the selection OF an oVercOat |
and a pair Of ear-mufs as precautionary |
against the approaching winterl