davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

PILES ITCHING PrLEsi-The symp-
toms of itching piles are moisture, like
perspiration, intense itching most at night,
seems as if pin worms were crawling in
or about the reclum The more you
scratch the worse they itch; very distress
sing. The private parts are often affected.
DR.. Swayne's Ointment is the most effec-
tive remedy extant for this tormensing
complaint. Gives rest at night without
the desire 10 scratch. Also has no equal
in quickly eradicating letter, itch, salt
rheum, erysipelas, BARRIERS itch. pimples,
all scaly, crusty, itchy skin eruptions.
Here is the proof: Certainly the best
remedy ever used in my practice" DR..
Cotton, Woodstock, VT; troubled with
itching piles for over twenty years, it
cured me completely" L. S. Messer, En-
field, Me. Sent for fifty cents lin three
cent stamps, three boxes SIPS. By DR..
Syawne 6 Son, Philadelphia, Pa. Sold
by all druggists.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

MATCHMAKING THE Troops. Col
McWhangdang is great advocate of
vaccination, but the company he com
mands is not, and recently before
going into camp the colonel resolved
to have his men vaccinated whether
or no. So be made trade like this
with DR.. Trough. He would on
Tuesday morning send the men one
BY one to the doctors Office. He was
to have two stalwart assistants there,
and Immediately seize the men as they
entered and vaccinate them by force.
Editor Keene had his Office just across
the hall 10 the same building with the
doctor. Tuesday mornings issue of
his paper contained malignant as
sault on the "Pieband Plungers"
another military company. Keene
knew the members of the company
would come up to wallop him, and SO
he slyly took his sign and put it on
DR.. Trough's door. Presently up came
Lieutenant Pills Of the Plungers.-
Blind with rage, he rushed into the
doctors Office, supposing it to be
Kesne's. The doctor saw his uni
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31
deacon's a second time.

oeacons second time.
/ was bound to come up with her
this time, SO when be asked me if |
would take her for my welded wife,
says /.
"No. / shant do any such thing"
"Why," says Deb, "what on airlh
is the matter now 7"
"Why," says I, II have taken a
mislikin' to you.'
Well it was all over again; but I
gave her new apron, and a few
other triDkets and we went up again
to get married. We expected that
we would be tied so fast that all
nature couldn't separate us; and we
asked the deacon to marry US. when
he said.
"No, | shsn't do no such theug."
"Why, what on airth is the rea-
son ?" says we.
"Why," says he, "Pve taken mis-
likin' to both Of you"
Deb bust out cryin', the deacon
bust out scoldin', aud I bust out
laughin', and such Sc. of busters
you never did see, and that is the
reason | .never married. My chance is
g ne.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31
REST.


Ny feet are wearied and my hands are
tired
My soul oppressed,
And with desire have I long desired
Rest-only Rest.
IT'S hard to toll, when toll is almost vain,
In barren way;
lis hard to SOW and never garner grain
In harvest days.
The burden of my days is hard to bear,
But Gcd knows best;
And | have prayed-but vain has been
my prayer
For Rest, sweet Rest.
IT'S hard to plant in Spring and never
reap
The Autumn yield;
IT'S hard to till and when It's titled to
weep
O'er fruitlees fields.
And 30 / cry, weak and human cry,
So heart oppressed;
And 80 sigh weak aud human sigh,
s. So For Rest-for Rest.
My way has wound across the desert years
And cares infest
Ny path, and through the flowing of hot
tears
pine for Rest.
Twas always so; when still child / laid
On mothers breast
Ny weary little head-s'en then I prayed,
As now, for Rest. -
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

The KEROSENE DEMoN.-An ex-
pert in oil says / would recommend
that parties purchasing oil from cor
ner groceries test the oil before using
the same, which they can do in the
following manner: Take an inverted
cup or saucer; pour on it a teaspoon
full Of the oil; pass lighted match or
taper across the surface Of the oil; lift
flashes or ignites it is dangerous. To
those who will persist in burning oils
and fluids known to be dangerous /
would recommend them to take the
following precautions Fill and trim
your lamps daily. Never attempt to
fill a lighted lamp. Burn your lamp
with the wick turned up full-never
turn down the wick and burn as a
taper, for when SO burned the gas in
stead Of being burned with the oil COL
lects and causes your lamp to explode.
Use burners which are considerably
elevated above the body of the lamp
and if you are determined, to light
your fires with coal oil, first ascertain
If there are any live Goals in the
CRATE or fire place. After you have
poured on the oil set your oil can in
the next room, put your trust in the
Lord aud touch her Of. By observ-
ing these rules you may be lucky
enough to escape an accident
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

ELEGANT TOILET PREPARAr1oNs.-
Hair dressing, and restorative is found in
London Hair Color Restorer.o 1t seldom
fails to restore gray or faded hair to its
original youthful color and beauty. FALL
ing hair is checked by its use, and it pro-
duces growth Of beautiful young hair,
soft, glossy, and luxuriant 1t certainly
is the most clearly and effective hair re-
storer now before the American people.
A. A. Gibson, Barrytown, Duchess
county, n. Y, writes: DIR. Swayne & Som
Philadelphia: GENTs-I enclose post
office order for eight dollars: please
send me one dozen bottles of the Lion
don Hair Color Restorer." 1t has
stopped my hair from falling, and restored
it to its natural color. 1t has proven
satisfactory in every respect. The "Lon-
don Hair Color Restorer" can be obtain
at all the leading druggists at rs cents a
bottle.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

Nor INTRoDucED.--The occupant
of boat, while attempting too am
bilious feat, was upset, and not be-
ing swimmer, was in considerable
danger. A townsman on the bank
regarding his struggles, at last appeal
ed in great excitement to al under
graduate near him, whose flannel
dress seemed to point him out as no
novice on the water, and who was also
watching the issue in evident hesita-
tion. 'For heavens sake, sir, if you
can swim, give him hand" he cried;
he's only few yards from the bank.
"Oh, | can swim we'll enough" was
the slowly uttered reply; "but you
see the fellow has never been intro
duced to me-"
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

In A SLEEPING Carl never did
never could, and never will sleep a
second in a sleeping-car berth. But
all the party said it was because !
thought l couldn't and quoted many
texts of Scripture and old saws to
prove that arman could do anything
he resolved upon. As usual, female
pertinacity and volubility prevailed,
and ! tried il. / resolved would
omit no means Of alluring sleep, that
| would array myself as for bed at
home, take my usual night-cap of cold
water, clay me down to Sleep" and
'fpray the Lord my soul to keep" I
put my boots outside the curtain,
crawled up to the top berth, and after
many eontortions of the body, bumps
on the top Of the head, and lacerations
Of my limbs, contrived to fall in, in
due and regular order. I had been
told to lie fat on my back, and ODE
diently did SO. The car ratified and
jolted over the rough road, stopped
every few miles with jerk and start
ed with greater ono, until it seemed
to me that my soul and all that was
within me were being agglomeratcd
into one consistent and uniform jelly.
tried my right side while, and be-
came satisfied thatwas the wrong side.
Then Ftfied the left, and was very
sorry | had loft the right. l then
thought il was too light, and got up
and shivered around ten minutes try
ing to FIX my overcoat as shade to
the lamps. A man who slept opposite
my section alternated between fearful
snoaring, straugulations, and wild and
copious expectorations. felt had
nearly composed myself to sleep, when
it occurred to me that sound and d.
rections indicated that my boots we're
being utilized BY my catarrhal neigh
Dor. ! hustled down again and drew
them in from the storm. Then / be-
came certain that my money was in
peril; that my pants and vest, which
contained my treasures, must be taken
from the pegs and stored away behind
me in the berth. I tried for two or
three hours to FIX things right SO that
I could 60 to sleep and enjoy that
peace and rest that are the possessions
ofthe innocent and good; but things
went on from bad to worse, aud under
renewed tortures to head and limbs.
I dressed pc, took ! cigar, went 70 the
smoking-room threw myself into
corner, ahdsmeksd ullsnly and silens-
y through the dismal night.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

A new play is being written in
which the hero is found lost and fy-
ing in desert, chained to the back
Of bicycle. His deliverer proves to
be princess who marries him, and
makes him captain of base ball nine.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

The Peabody Hotel, $50 South 9th
street, Philadelphia, is one of the best
at the price $500 per day. of any in
the city. 1t is first class in every re-
spect, except 10 price which is less
than other hotel charges. Persons
visiting Philadelphia either transient
" OF for longer period can not do
better than to stop at this well con-
Quoted house, 35-y
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

'The mill will never grind with the
water that is past" maybe, but the
hand-organ grinds right along with
the airs that are past couple of hun
dred years.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

We can trace mans fall to the fact
that Eve had no looking glass. If
she had had one, she would have
been SO busy before 1t practiciDg how
to make her lips look pretty while
talking to Adam, that she would have
no time to fool with the serpent.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

Is anybody certain that Bliss isn't
DR.. Mary Walker in disguised His
Timber tongue and sasy-going chin
would indicate that there is female
in the fence, somewhere.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31


THREE CHANCES FOR A WIFE
.Ifa man has three chances for a
wife he should certainly improve one
them. Yet Sam Hopeful did not
succeed even with such heavy odds
in his favor. He shall tell his own
story:
II once courted gal by the name
Of Deb Dawkins I made up my
mind to get marrisd. Well, while we
were going to the deacon's | stepped
into a mud puddle, and splattered the
mud all over Deb Dawkin's new gown,
made out of her granmother's old
chintz petticoat. When we got to
the deacon's he asked Deb il she
would take me for her lawful welded
husband.
"No," says she.
"Reason," says l.
"Why," says she, "I've taken a
mislikin' to you"
Well, it was all up then, but /
gave her a string of beads, few kiss
es, some other notions, and made it
all up with her; SO we went up to the
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

Never run up small debts. Credi-
tors are like children-tbe smaller
they are the more they cry.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

"still waters run Deep" but not
10 the modern hollow-bottomed bottl-
es iu which still waters are sold
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

Be merciful to all the dumb animals:
no man can get to heaven on sore.
backed horse.-Josh Billings.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

Dr. Kline's Great Nerve Restorer
is the marvel of the age for all nerve
diseases. All fits stopped free. Send
to 9S1 Arch street. philadelphia, Pa.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

Sellers Liver Pills" have been the
standard remedy for malaria, liver COM
plant, costiveness, etc. for fifty years. I'm
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

Tumors, erysipelas, mercurial diseases
scrofula, and general debility cured by
"Dr. Lindsey's Blood Searcher." Inn
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

1t is always fall election for the de-
feated candidate.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

No man is wise at all times, for we
all make mistakes.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31
SKIN Dfaenses.
/ Deem 1t My Duty TO Tel.

- * " A~eSsB ~ ACte
what DR.. Swaynes Compound Syrup
of Wild Cherry has done for me. 1
had a violent cough, night sweats,
sore throat, great weakness, with Sc
we're attacks of hemorrage, gave up
all hope ofrecovery. am cured,
sound and hearty man.
EDWARD Fl. HANSON.
Engineer of Sweeney's Pottery,
1884 Ridge Avenue, Philadelphia.
Over twenty-five years have elapsed
and | still remain q. hearty man.
Many are sssferissg frons Colds
Dry, parched, sore throat, losing flesh.
bronchial and asthmatic attacks. Ali
these dangerous symptoms are entirely
cured by "Dr. Swayne's Compound Syrup
of Wild Cherry" The first dose gives
relief, and the worst cough and sore
lungs yield to its healing properties.
Sold by all druggists at % cents and ST,
The large size is the most economical.
DR.. Holman's Ague and Liver Pad
always cures because it acts upon DR.
Holman's absorption theory, now uniyer.,
sally acknowledged to be scientifically cor.
rect. Its limitations fail because thew are
limitations, and are of no value whatso-
ever.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

Never say thanks" 1t vulgar. Say
"bully for you"
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

A heu-pecked husband calls his
wife his "leading lady"
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

ADVICE TO YOUNG MEN.-My son,
enjoy yourself. Have a good time;
pleasure is eminently right and proper
but good time isn't secured by a
headache that lasts all the next day.
The Simplest pleasures are the most
lasting. After you have spent two
years in Europe you will come back
and sit down by your fireside aud
think Of q picnic you went to down at
the cascade one afternoon 10 June
that cost you just sixty-fve cents.
"The "good times that you daren't
take your wife to, my son, that you
would lie about, the goodness" never
comes back to refresh you and glad
den your years, as does the sixty five
cent picnic when you chartered non
sense with the girl you loved, and
laughed just as the leaves rostled, be-
cause you couldn't help it.
The "good time" that wakes in the
morning, and wonders where he was
and who saw it, and where all his
money is gone; the good time that
tails itself off with headache, there
is precious little fun in that. And il
only takes very little bitterness Of
that kind to poison and cloud the
memories of the past.
It doesn't take many such "good
times" my boy, to mingle tears with
your bread and gall with your drink.
The sting is the smallest part of a bee,
but when you pick it up by it, though
the rest Of the bee was as large as an
omnibus horse, yet would the sting
outweigh all the good, sweet, harmless
honey-laden portion of the bee, and
you would think about it oftener and
longer.-Haaokeve.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

form, and at once ordered him seized
Before he could say word the assist
ants had him in the chair. Cup with
his sleeve~ cried the doctor. "You
william, what are you about? cried
PILE. "You'll see," and whack went
the doctors knife, and, in spite of
Pills howls and struggles he was vac
cinated. ''Now gitl" cried the doctor.
and Pills was pushed out and started
down stairs. Then in time came Col.
Thug Of the Plungers. "Where is the
pirate?" he shouted. The doctor did
not reply, but vaccinated the excited
man in ajiffy, and put him out. Then
others began to pour in, and all had
the same amazing experience, and the
doctor was flying around like parched
pea on hot shovel, he was SO busy.
And as the vaccinated men began to
accumulate outside and talk the matter
over, their excitement was intense.
Lieutenant Pills swcre he'd go up
again and kill the man, and he tried
it. But he got left on it, and the
doctor vaccinated him again and put
him out, and he being delirious with
wrath bolted in again, and, after
desperate fight, was vaccinated again.
That satisfied him. He fed. And
DR.. Trough had vaccinated % of the
Plungers, and they were outside pre-
pairing for united rush on his shop,
when Col. McWhangdang came down
to see the doctor. swell, Colonel,
I've yaccinated % Of 'eml" "Yo on have?
Why, l haven't sent one herel came
to tell you I'd put it off till next
week." "Then who the Gehenna
have / vaccinated2" By that time the
Plungers had burst in, and scene of
the widest confusion ensued, till Col.
McWhangdang explained the affair.
And then the colonel nearly died of
laughter, and the Plungers talked Of
hanging the doctor, and then Keene
looked out Of his door and notified the
Plungers that if they molested him
he'd print the whole story Of how
they had been vaccinated. And you
bet they didn't desire that, and SO
they merely voted it q contemptible
job and dispersed.
The semi-weekly news. [volume] (Mount Holly, Burlington Co., N.J.) 1879-1882, 1881-10-31

General Dealer in the leading makes Of
Organs among which is the celebrated Estey
Organ which has no equal for quality of
tone, durability, power and workmanship.
Also dealer in the standard makes of
Pianos. composed Of the Chickering, EN-
erson, Fisher and others.
Violin strings and trimmings, Accor.
deems. Banjos, Guitars, Flutes, Brass In
struments of all kinds, Sheet Music,
Instruction Books and Musical Merchan-
disc generally Also Sewing Machines at
the lowest figures. Piano and Organ tun-
ing done at the store or residence. Organ
boxes for sale from rs cts. to SIPS.
Call and examine our stock.
St. Landry democrat., 1881-12-10
The Mid Louisiana Railroad.
lSugar Planter.J

An excellent map of this proposed
enterprise has been received at this
office and, at alglance, we are enabled to
see the route from one terminus to the
other. Much credit is due Mr.. G.. H.
Dickinson, Civil Engineer, for the skill
he has displayed in getting up this excel
lent piece of work. As shown by the
map it commences at the Sabine river,
extending due east until it reaches the
Mississippi river, which it crosses at
Port Allen, passes through Baton Rouge
and thence extends to Port River where,
at present, the eastern terminus is To-
Gated. The distances are thus given on
the map; Baton Rouge to Opelousas,
81 miles; Baton Rouge to Vermillion,
59'miles; Baton Rouge. to Ponchatoula,
A miles; Baton Rouge to Sabine river,
147 miles and from Baton Ronge to
Pearl River, number OF miles not stat
ed. 1t is a pleasure to note that this
from all who examine the route and see
The people all along the route openly
claim an outlet to the Mississippi river,
the only avenue by which they can Sc
cure cheap conveyance to a market for
such produce as they may have to sell,
and to procure return supplies in the
same manner. AS it is, they are vir-
tually isolated from the outside world,
from the important fact that they can
only reach and be reached in the most
costly and circuitous manner. This
state of affairs they have been battling
against for years-indeed ever since
they first settled ON these interior lands
and now that chance is presenting
itself for emancipation, they are eagerly
seizing upon it, with the hope that they
will soon be enabled to live properly
and realize fair prices for the result
Of their labors. No wonder then, the
Mid Louisiana road is hailed with de-
light by those living along its proposed
route, and to those who desire to secure
cheap and fertile homes by settling
upon vacant tracts upon either side of
the great Mississippi. 1t will be re-
mem bered that the most prolific lands
Of the State are to be found in central
and south Louisiana, no matter in what |
branch of agriculture the settler may
desire to embark.
St. Landry democrat., 1881-12-10

"But, George DEAR" said the girl
again, :" if you really love me with a
really and true love, kiss me again.
A shudder passed over the young mans
frame, and he changed the subject OF
conversation. But the girl would not
listen. "You must kiss me-" she said,
"or You do not love me-" Turning
CHASTITY pale in the dim, half-light of
the turned-down gas, be averted his
head, and said in a low choked voice :
u cannot kiss you" Cannot! ~
shrieked the girl in agony of grief,
clinging to him with the energy, While
q deathly palllor spread her cheek.
Tell me, George, tell me truly, what
has come between us Z" For an in
slant there was silence, and then Geo.
W. Simpson said in low, bitter tones,
every word falling upon JuIiet's wait
ing ears with terrible distinctiveness !:
~ ~ , am chewing tobacco."-[Chicago
AAAOOACs
St. Landry democrat., 1881-12-10
The Result of a Tenants Labor.
[Ibcryille Soulful

Several years ago a portion of the
plantation of Major G.. Schlater, which
had been abandoned by the overseer
with the recommendation that cocoa
would not grow on it, was allotted to
Mr.. Leon Achee, an industrious and
careful cultivator. The 1st year was
spent in preparing the soil for a crop of
cane, by proper ditching and lavish
sowing Of peas which produced heavy
coat of vines and acted as fertilizer
The second year 81 acres of cane off
this land produced 96hogsheads of sugar,
the following year 80 acres yielded 90
hogsheads and the third crop yielded
81 hogsbeads, the product of IS acres.
How does that compare with gang
labor generally? Let some of the fos-
sils figure out the difference and our
word for it they will abandon the old
way and quit abusing Innovations
[Iberville South.
St. Landry democrat., 1881-12-10
ORDER OF COURT.

T accordance with act No. of the Legisla-
ture OF Louisiana, approved February 2othv
fixed i'll and for the 18th Judicial District,
parish OF st. Landry, for the calendar year
LIST. A civil term beginning Monday, January
2sd and ending Thursday, February 23d,
"a. jury term beginning on Tuesday March,
TIN and ending Saturday, April sth.
so. civil term beginning Monday, April
oath and ending Saturday, May 27th.
4th: jury term beginning Monday, Septem-
Der y. 1th and ending Saturday, October 4th.
5th. A civil term beginning Monday, October
23d and ending Saturday, November 25th.
9th. jury term beginning Tuesday Deem
Der 9th and ending Saturday, December 2sd.
GEO. W. HUDSPETH,
Judge 18th Judicial District of Louisiana
true copy: E. s. TAYLOR, by. Clerk.
St. Landry democrat., 1881-12-10

There are rumors afoat, with some
show Of plausibility, that the Pacific
Road on this side of the river will be
continued to point hi CHER up,
perhaps to the mouth of Red river, and
thence? One reason for this impress
sion is, that the Company have made no
attempt to erect proper buildings at Ga
yana, the present terminus. Another
is, that the right of way was obtained
through the little town at the ferry
landing and the privilege of using the
levee wherever needed in that place.
Another good reason is, the belief that
it will pay to run through the heavily
settled parishes between this and the
point named.-[West Baton Rouge
Sugar Planter.