Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-12-07

|
the early grease-spot.
PROPER furniture for a doctors Office
bone settee.
A BOOK with a loose leaf should be
bound over to keep the piece.
ayaeae.
FRITZ has named his dog Non Seoul
tur, because it does not follow.-BoStoaa
| Globe.
A FASHIONABLE young lady. like an in
experienced printer, makes great bus
tie in correcting her form. Washington
Breakfast Table.
BALLOTS and beer glasses: The liquor
saloons we're closed in Waterbury cleo
ton day to give the citizens time to vote.
-Dan6ouy Meas.
The Century for November has an
article entitled "The choice of Saddle
Horse Probably his choice is to have
plenty of oats-NeaOtors Republican.
"WHo wrote the Book of James, in
the New Testament ?" asked Sunday
school teacher in Missouri village; and
little fellow at the foot of the class
shouted, "Ihe James boys"
THERE is something radically wrong
about our professions when q pious min
lister only gets forty cents for Joining a
couple, and wicked lawyer gets forty
dollars for untying the same. : onkers
Statesman.
"THAT takes the cake - said slangy
young fellow to sedate German baker.
"No, it don'd not" answered the mat
ter-of-fact Teuton; "nodings takes dot
cake but de cash wat is de brice of it.
Und don't you remember it.
A HORNETS nest is said to be the best
polisher in the world for glass lenses.
But you want to do your polishing when
the hornet is not around to help you.
For what shall it profit a man if he pol
ish a thousand glass lenses in one day
and one hornet catch him at it?
The comic oyster now winks within
his pearly shell and laughs inside of him
self in anticipation of the fun he will
have at some coming church festival.
Swimming around all alone in ten gall
Ions of soup, boss of the whole thing,
and not liable to get caught by hungry
ladders. But it's few bad.
| A CITIZEN given to beer, but otherwise
worthy, was suddenly taken off, and his
friends erected monument to his mem
DRY, and had inscribed upon it: "Take
him for all in all, etc. A surly critic
objected, saying it would be better to
have it read, "Take him for half-and-
| half.
| A FARMER, on being asked to write a
testimonial for patent clothes wringer,
produced the following: CT bought your
clothes-wringer and am hugely pleased
with it. [ bought jag of wood, which
proved too green and unfit to burn. I
ran the whole load through your wringer,
and have used the wood for kindling ever
since"
"Now," said the teacher of a primary
class to oneof his pupils to whom he was
trying to impart knowledge of division,
but with little success. eff you had a
pie, and [ should ask you for a quarter
of it, and you should give me what I
wanted, how much would you have left 2"
81 wouldn't have any left" quickly re-
sponded the little girl. Yonkers States
man.
IT is printed as a rather remarkable
fact that Washington's body servant "
was not at the Yorktown Centennial.
His absence will not appear SO strange
when it is explained that the old man
was down IN Texas cutting seventeen
cords Of wood on that day. He wanted
to come, but business is business, and
| the wood had to be cut.-NOrr5stoaU
Herald.
AN old lady travelling in car with her
maid and her poodle. was singing in the
latter's praise very loudly: "It's such
asweet creature, worth world of human
beings to me =" The cabby charged
treble fare. No, no." expostulated
the old lady; tthere is only myself and
my maid. "And the dog. ma'am. I've
acted very fair, an only set it down as
ekal to one human"
THEY teach exalted theology up among
the Green Mountains. A Vermont cler-
gyman makes the future of good Chris
tians clear by saying: CATER crossing
the mystic river, we shall go on from the
man to the angel, from the angel to the
archangel, from the archangel to the
celestial, from the celestial to the divine,
and then, gathering the stars in cluster
about our heads, dream out the endless
dream of eternity"
CHILDREN are, after all, the philoso-
piers of the world, and the profundity
of their reasoning is often sufficiently
startling. When 6 years old Tom as
tonished his father the other day by in
curing if "angels have tails" The
question seemed odd enough, but when
it was remembered that in the country
this summer he had learned that hens
whose tails were cut could not fly, the
depth and logic of his reasonings were
apparent enough.
IRIS an i'll wind, etc.: Two men dis
puted about their powers of endurance,
and one said testify to the other: "I'll
bet you that can hold my legs in boil
ing water longer than you can."
"Done," said the other, and the steam
ing water was brought. In went the
legs-No. with an air of defiance, No.
2 with an edifying serenity. No. 1 be-
gan to vince. No. called calmly for a
newspaper. No. began to find it in
tolerable. No. 2 smiled at the humor of
the paper. "In heavens name" at last
exclaimed No. 1, exasperated by the