Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-09-07
SPICE AND ALLSPICE,

A HUBBUB-the Boston boy.
NOT born to blush unseen the
measles.
A MERE drop in the ocean, man
overheard.
IT'S a poor corn planter that isn't
worth shucks.
| A MAN is like carpet, when he is
kept down by tax.
| WHAT is it that poor man has and a
rich man wants? Nothing.
A cH1RoPoD1sr might have his sign:
See the corn curing hero comes.
SAID Fogg, as he slipped coin in the
walters hand, "I am not Spiritualist,
but occasionally indulge in table tip
ping"
"AH-ah-excuse me, but [ thought
you lived here and did plain sewing" is
the way the shoddyites at Saratoga in
suit each other.
"'AH, Bill, good day. Been away %
eyes, but didn't stay. Some future
day, when [ get more pay, then I may
stay. Day day."
ssPHwAT the divil is Garfield dom wild
a kitten 2" asked Mrs. Flaherty this
morning. col see livery day they be
talking about his pus."
PREPARED chalk has been recommend
ed as a remedy for dyspepsia; but the
Texas Siftings man wants to know if
hotel milk will not do as well.
SONG of the Sioux Chief as he leaves
the wigwam of his Laughing Water:
"Oh, Siouxanna, don't you cry for me-.
N. Y. Commercial advertiser.
SOME children are wonderful Gsh
tanners. Saw little girl walking on
the beach at Cape May the other day
holding doll-fn by each hand.-Phil0-
deLph5a Bulletin.
MUsIC's charms: There is only slight
difference between hand-organ and an
ACCORDION. One is worked with crank
and the other generally by "crank. p
Yo1akers Statesman.
The Detroit Free Press wonders why
it is that when pedestrian is drenched
by basin of water from q fourth story
window he always wants to whip some
body on the first floor.
A sTERN-wHEEL boat going up the
river in sight of Pittsburgh kicks up
such a dust that she looks like frame
house on fire. The river is so low that
even turtles, terrapins and tadpoles can't
get drink at the bars.-PiHs6urgb
Commercial Gazette.
AN exchange prints long recipe ex-
planning Sc How to perfume dwelling
It's too expensive. The cheapest and
quickest way to perfume dwelling is to
fry piece of Goldfish or roast few
onions. They go right to the spot-and
hnger around the spot for considerable
length of Characterization Herald.
The captain of the fishing " dug-out -
in the Adirondacks, who was almost
scared to death when Agassiz asked him
to "pass another gasteropodous mollusk
or snail of the genus Lina0r," to bait
his hook with, now commands blue
fisherman out of the port of Babylon,
L. I.
Mrs. JONES went to picnic the other
day, one of those quiet picnics with Ia
fuss where you get up at o'clock in the
morning, pack off four children and ten
lunch baskets, and CAD around In the
heat all day-and it made Mrs Jonesssso
tired that she had to do two days wash
ing before she felt rested.-Ou CSty
Derrick.
SIX ladies at seaside resort engaged
a hotel room in which to leave their
shawls and other light baggage, and
few hours later were presented with
bill of $12 for it's use. At the same place
on the following day a man had his
pocket picked of So. The pickpocket
was arrested, but the hotel proprietor is
still at large. -Norristoa0n Register.
"WAs it the drum major brave ?"
asked one soldier of another. ''Of
corps" said the other; show can get
up the necessary excitement, if fife
nothing to stir me 2" "Oh, well man
musket courage somehow, " said the first;
81 suppose most any one cannon occa-
sion.'' Yes, that is the general order
and I'm bayonet, said the other; sal
though wish I'd never begun. . Wit
and Wisdom.
A PLEASANT CALL" Come here.
Hildebrand, my love-" said fond New
Haven mother as her spindle-le
youngster appeared just inside the gate.
"Hildebrand! I should say So How
came you to tie such homely boy to
such a high-priced name ?" asked a
blunt-spoken caller. "He may be
homely, but he's mine, thank you. /
didn't have to marry a widower with
four great overgrown boys, as you did.
This treading on corns, metaphorically,
doesn't pay.-Neao Haven Register.
TAKE vacation. You will come
home much improved in health, if not
in wealth, your spirits will be bright
ened, providing you don't indulge too
much in spiritual beverage while away.
Modesty in appeasing the inner man is
| one of the elements of good health.
Don't let your appetite get the better of
your Judgment. If you are where the
facilities for bathing in the briny deep
are good, a swallow of salt water occa-
sionally taken will have the effect OF re-
moving any biliousness which may have
accumulated through being ''too fresh"
At all events, take a vacation Yonkers
Gazette.
A RATHER looking customer came
into restaurant on Austin Avenue and