The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1881-06-23

this house?' eyes, sir," said the land
lord, "my wife has been dead these
three weeks"
Lightning is killing number of men
in Ohio this spring, but it is hoped
enough may be spared to keep the
wheels of this government revolving.
Mysteries of trade: "Wild cat life in
surance companies?" querled old Mrs.
Dobbs; "What on earth do they want to
insure wild cats lives for?'--Boston
Globe. Is,
After the choir of one of the churches
in Ithaca, N. Y, had performed
rather heavy selection, the minister
opened the Bible and began reading in
Acts Xxx: "And after the uproar had
ceased"
A conscientious grocer displayed the
sign: "a large variety of p? ? con-
stantly on hand" Inquiry revealed the
advertised article to be "fresh home
made" mincemeat
Mr.. Erastus Wimen, of New York,
will present Toronto, Canada, with two
baths, which are to be built upon piers
and expected to cost between 5000
and $1,000.
When little Minnie was two years
old she asked for some water one night.
When it was brought she said, "Papa,
can't you get me some fresh water?
This tastes little withered."
Everything l touch, Drops" said
Mrs. farley, as her fork fell on the
floor. Mr.. farley replied: ~ wish
you would touch the price of Deef," as
he reached for piece of steak that
cost 20 cents pound.
Oh, the tiny little ants,
| How they Chamber up our pants
AT the picnic meath the willows in the glen!
How they seem to take delight in
The obnoxious sport of bitin'
lndefeIsible and modest gentlemen
Twenty-six distinct companies have
been started since December, 1879, to
work the gold mines in South India,
with a subscribed capitol of SIS, 600, 900,
half of which has been paid for by the
mines.
"Don't be in such an awful hurry"
said old Uncle Tobias to his nephews
and nieces. "You lose great deal by
being in such an awful hurry. Light
min might do great deal more if it
wasn't always in such an awful hurry"
Unconscious profanity som etimes
comes TO the most exemplary Christ
ians. A real good brother said yester-
day, II must get me a copy of the new
Bible. hear the revisers have knock
ed - out of it."-New Orleans Pea
yune.
This confounded slang does raise the
very mischief. When a handsome
young wife went to hardware store
to get one of those wooden contrivances
to smash potatoes, and said, II want
masher," every man in the shop, from
the boss to the Office boy, started to at.
tend her.-Bodo'a Post.
The Methodist Bishop Simpson once
said: Nobody but saved men should
be sent by newspapers to report camp
meetings" A St. Louis paper adds:
"If this were rule with the daily pa
pers Of this city, they would each have
to add q new name to their present
staff.
When the contribution box was pass
ed in a well-known church recently, a
young man presented his mite, but did
not discover until too late that he had
given two ten cent pieces stuck together.
Then he looked up and smiled, and
the deacon smiled. They both know
how it is. Beer is sometimes adhe-
sive rs we'll as Oswego
Palladium.
The London World says that the EN-
press Eugene has definitely decided up
on the final resting place of her late
husband and son. She intends to build
church on the estate which she has
bought, some fourteen miles from Chi
selhurst; and thither the two tombs are
to be transferred.
One day when Mr.. Harness was stay
ing at famaus country house he
found gentleman pacing up and down
the parlor in the most distressing frame
of mind. els there anything the mat
teri" inquired Mr.. Harness, anxiously.
''The matter?' he replied, ~ should
think there was! Three of the worst
CAuiSs VilhV C'iil lihppeu w " HhH. Ill
in love, I'm in debt, and I've doubts
about the doctrine of the Trinity"
A San Francisco paper, evidently
speaking in sarcastic vein, says a
movement is on foot in that city to or
ganize a society to be called the "Inde-
pendent Order of Acquitted Murder
ers." Judging by recent events in the
metropolis of the Pacific Coast, the
membership would be too large to be
select, and would be moreover, very iu.
fluential.
A San Francisco lady wanted her
little girl to bathe in room the win
dows of which opened into the yard, in
which were some fowls. "But," says
the little girl, Il don't want to bathe
before the chickens" ''Oh, never
mind the chickens" said the mother.
"Well." said the little woman, ~ won't
bathe before the rooster, anyhow"
A clergyman was travelling through
the Humboldt mountains with an old