The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-09-16
WHY We LAUGH.

"~S W. ALA ASS&Ss
"Smith," said Brown, "there's q fortune
in that mine" l know it." said Smith,
I've put my fortune in it."
"Yes," said the miner, az have bonanza;
my last is ten hours old, and we number
thirteen in all. Ny wife is baby mine.'"
Jones, on hearing = band of "picked
musicians " torturing q tune at q recent
concert, said: "Ah! 1 understand, they
were picked before they were ripe "-Boston
Score.
An exchange says that a woman in Ar
kansas recently gave birth to q brainless
child" The Greenbsck party is evidently
being supplied with candidates long way
shead.
If man declares himself to be 50 thor
oughly religious that he has not committed
sin for twenty years, you are safe in con-
Guiding that he does not regard lying as
sinful.
Comanche Bill says Buffalo Bill is no
frontiersman, and Buffalo Bill says Conan
che Bill is a tenderfoot fraud. They seem
to know each other thoroughly.-Detroit
Free Press.
Gentlemen, toast. Fill your glasses.
May the rich sparkle of the wine, the deli
cate flavor" " Be continued in our necks,"
suggested one of the guests, and the toast
was imbibed slowly.
The Inter-O Ocean believes that the recent
discovery of spring in Arkansas which runs
apple brandy, gives the Democratic party
new lease upon that State, which will only
run out when the spring runs dry.
A young farmer likes to bind sheaves of
grain with briers in better than any other,
because when he reaches around to put the
band under, the thorns remind him of the
pins in his girls dress.-Oh City Derrick.
That was q funny mistake Of tho man who
took up Testament, and glancing at the
running title, as. Matthew said he always
knew Stanley was smart, but didn't know he
ever wrote on religious STANDARDIZATION
Transcript.
Another Ohio man has got position. He
was a postmaster who just saved the Govern
ment little money BY printing his own
postal cards, and he has got q nice place in
jail. There is no salary attached to his new
place, but nobody is trying to crowd him
out.-Burlington Hawkeye.
An eye to business " William" the drug
gist remarked TO his clerk, where did this
package of brown wrapping paper come
from?" "It's just . sample, sir, sent US by
Pulp, Fibre & Co., but we can't use it its
too coarse and heavy for our use." "Ah!
WE'LL" replied the honest druggist, do not
waste it put it in the window and sell 1t Tor
Hy-psper."
Feared the worst: North-street bride
complained to her husband that she had
been too busy all day to get of her feet
once, and that unhappy man, who had al
ready discovered several surprising "make-
ups" in her tout ensemble, exclaimed in
amazement: "Great Jerusalem crickets
do they come off too ?"-Danbury Ne,cs.
Miss Alice, who has just returned from q
fashionable watering place, is reported by an
exchange as having asked q friend, I" Why
are the summer resorts this season like
heaven9" The friend gives 1t up and Alice
answers, " Because there are no men there"
Pretty rough on the men; but Alice, as may
be inferred, would sooner die than 60 to
heaven.-Norristopn Herald.
Continue the line of the stars in the han
die of the dipper," which also doe, duty as
the tail Of the "bear," directly through the
dipper rather more than half way to the hor-
lion beneath the polar star. II you don't
see anything that looks like comet, hire a
small boy to hit you in the eye with green
apple. This will have the desired result and
make it interesting for the boy.-Ne,o Hauen
Register.
Carrie was six years old, and quite = model
Of propriety; but one day she shocked her
mother by doing something very much like
ordinary naughty children. Why, Carrie !"
exclaimed Mrs. B., how could you do such
. thing7" "Other little girls do so," re-
piled Carrie. But that doesn't make 1t
right, does it ~ asked Mrs. B. "No," an
swered Carrie, with deliberation, but 1t
makes it good deal more conf able"
When . man Is riding bicy Gle he looks
neither to the right nor to the left, but ap-
pears to be gazing about 500 years into fntur-
ity, as IL trying to solve the problem Of the
hereafterness Of the unknowableness of the
unknowable hereafter. He is not, however.
He Is simply wondering, in case Of . sudden
header, whether his skull would be split
wide open. or II he would escape with his
nose mashed all over his face.-Norristo,o
Herald.
A wealthy Bostonian of half century or
so ago was about to die. He had accumu-
lated his money by hard, honest toll, but
had never become noted for his liberal char
tiles. His physician, an intimate friend of
many years, felt impelled to break to him
the solemn truth of his approaching end,
which he did in this way: at think 1t my
duty, Is your friend and physician, to inform
you that you cannot live long" "Not long,
doctor ?' "Not more than forty Eight hours"
The patient was silent = moment. Lets
see," he ut last said, feebly, "to-day is Mon
day-can't you manage to carry me over div
idend day?"
I'he Silrer State says that . man at Win
nemucca hired horse, which happened to be
the one on which General Howard followed
the Nez Perce and Bannack Indians in the
memorable stern-chase campaigns. The
charger pranced OF lively enough until he
overlook IN Indian on foot going In the same
direction, when the fiery steed slowed down
to walk in the rear Of the sborigine, and
whip nor spur, nor vigorous profanity, could
make him mend his pace. The animal kept
behind the Indian at certain distance all
day, and the man probably lost good trade
by not reaching . mine at the appointed
time.
Revisit of Egyptian Plaques.
Winnipeg tManitoba) Special.
The people of Emerson were recently