Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1881-02-25
FLo?sAM AND JETSAM.

! bV one Gf the members Tor lchloW III
the House Of Commons during the de-
bate on the Address AS long, ex-
claimed the honorable gentleman in fer
vent accents, las long us Ireland was ST.
lent under wrongs, England was deaf to
her cries
A Young lady recently married read
Mother Symptoms prophecy for the first
time the other day. Just my luck =
she exclaimed, throwing Down the paper
Here am newly married and now the
worlds coming to an end -
Evidently tho schoolmaster is not
abroad to any great amount. Among ap-
plications for engagements recently re-
ceived by Barnum, the Snowman, was
this from ali Iowa girl l have pretty
good superano voise. | know L can get
| away with most OF the comon females
singing in superano voise | have followed
| the show buisniss som.
The Egyptian emblem of serpent
with its tail in its mouth is the earliest
historical reference to the garment still IN
vogue, known as tho swallow tail. -
Philadclphj0 BHlictim.
A famous surgeon advises one of his
patients to undergo an operation. "ls 1t
very severe?" asks the patient. Not for
the patient" says the doctor ''we put
him to sleep but very hard on the opera
tor" How so?" I'VE suffer terribly
from anxiety just think, it only Sue
ceeds once in 100 times. '-FigarO.
Old gentleman military man, guest of
the squire's, conversing with smart-look-
ing rustic Wounded in the Crimea,
l.rt1
let hit me in the dist, here, surr, an
came out at me back y Old gentleman
THE deuce Come, come, Pat, that
won't do Why, it would have gone
right through your heart, man - Rustic
-'Och, fax me heart was in me mouth
at the thoime, surr ,''-PGach.
One of the most enterprising boys in
this section lives on Town Hill. Under
the back st0op of his home are two stove
legs, two spikes, half dozen old hinges,
and a pound or So of hoop iron. He
doesn't intend to wait until the very day
of the circus and depend upon an uncle
from the country TO take him in. The
health of country uncles is mighty preca-
rious, and they are Just as likely to be
stricken down on circus day rs any other.
-DasJ",y Ncws.
1t is said that pork fed on Cincinnati
whiskey is never afflicted with trichinosis.
When the parasites get Whit at the
whiskey they take pity on the pig and
leave.
81 sav, Paddy, that is the worst look
ing horse that have ever seen IN har-
ness. Why don't you fatten him up? ?"
Fat him up. is it Faix, the poor baste
can scarcely carry the little mate that's
on him now ~ replied Paddy.
Confidential friend ito elderly and not
unattrac;ive spins;or): so dear You've
given up aIvocliin w"nar's rights 2"
Elderly srinster; Yes, nov go IN for
womens lefts." Confidential friend !:
Women lefts WHAT'S that" Elder
ly spinster "Widowcr4, my dear -
Ptuch.
One Young wife was not swceiened and |
flattered by the devotion paid her by her |
husband ut ball II was masquerade |
affair, and the poor man did not know
what his darling wore. --Picay'nic.
"Now do tell Inc all about your busi
ness, said Lassell young lady to an
Albany director in the ears this morning.
Il SO want to know all about railroads.
"Wcll, what shall tell you?' asked the
oh gentleman with benignant smile
"Oh, tell me anything. Tell mo about
your recticular iniluxes. The old gen
tleman fell back in n faint. How, pray,
\. - he To know thai he referred to met
earnings? II had never had the advan-
tages Of seminary education, you know.
-Boston Paper.
ORaflerty," said the Galveston re-
corder, your wife swears that you struck
her with great violence. ''Wid great
violns? when there isn't 4 fiddle, big nor
little, in the house She exaggerates
too much entoirely. 1t was only flat
iron. Gatcc stoH Netrs.
Mark Twain once drew up IL comic al
manac of California weather, in which
the predictions varied mainly from ''se-
we're earthquakes inJuly.
There is dog at Brighton a remarka-
BILE dog-a large maltese Sometimes
that dog has a purple body, with yellow
head and green tail sometimes he ls
scarlet and puce. He is Il kinder rainbow
dog. The fact is he belongs to DIVER in
the town, and being naturally white he
takes any other color easily, and now he
gets dip in one vat, and now in another,
and he forms a sort of canine ADVERTISE
ment 1t is fun to see this dog, who ia
quite unconscious Of his distinguished
come up to other dogs wagging
his yellow head and green tail, and the
way that those dogs, after regarding him
out of the corner Of their ewes for II min
ute, tuck their tails between their legs
and "scoo.' is caution Some time
since friend Of ours, who had been oc-
victim of the "old com
plant, was going down to Brighton for
the race in great health and spirits When
driving from the station he suddenly
came on tins dog. Halo, hey What
that hey hey what ! a purple dog
'eln apnin - md he turned rnunl and
=. II -,
meh' D"'h l" i'ol"oii' HiililN peisuhueu
that he was again a victim To ID. T.-IOH-
doH sporting fhtCS.
Tho u,nct uuo..,...r,,,,. .j.,,,,, ,,o,, IN
-, "
Ohio heDt II silull Hotcl near cleveland.
one Hish, inc mousse 'auSht hre ana "iille
4 terrlhed man was climbing through Il |
burniuo window fine uroprief,r rushed |
-, - a,l;I IN -
bauoaoep" No sir ..Gneets vitLort |
~ -
DuSSaSo are requested 10 lhy up before
they leave this hotel lou owe 10 cents |
th;s woeI's Gil. f,a,,, ,,,,ia,.;,,a, Laof
a,tra 10, lack / WON'T ha |
cheated i, tl;s ,.v -. y,,J Jla,,cr
s ~
LOON mere sa.d Mr. oP'ihiaS 10 ms
Mhe, you ous'l. |" nave some me , Dram
uy III .i'e nous 10 cure my sl'hI'eSs III
my iaii s'oll'nch. iin' "'iero you are
lla'"nn' ..1a i'Sl'oii'e'i tiio soou 'n'H, H.
times 4 dav ii there was an alcoholic
remedy f,;- II in the house. 90 GaiccytDn
Ncps.
U-lo,, ,,r.,,.. r...l. ,,;,I ....,..I..,,.r.o,.
,Ia,, s,,a,,ai., s,,,, - r;.,,',','',
The girl stood on the kitchen lioor-
me ,,i.,l i@lss ,f.I were IA an NIB, IN bed
AMI IN Ven, Ti ,n,,, = 'i, me ni,,i'i shI ''''
she found some lernsrne IN there.