The Osceola times., 1881-04-16
WAYS OF THE WORLD.

GAs-Lrours were first used in New
York city in 1923.
CHRISTIANITY was adopted as the re-
lgion of Rome 81 A. ID.
on, nose. I am a. proud of thee.
As any mountain Of its SHOWS
gaze on thee, and feel that Joy
A Roman knows
--Ths Telephone
MANY faults have women
Men have only two
There's nothing righ, they say, and
There's nothing right they do
--Neu York World.
PrNcIc Encouragement-.Iones (who
has lust added the last finishing touch 10
his picture):" "Well?" Smith: "Well you've
just got into capital state to begin
working upon"
THERE are twelve thousand new words
ready for the revised edition of Worces-
ter's dictionary. With such facilities
writer's will have little difficulty in max
ing themselves misunderstood.
A PRENcHMAS on the point of being
guillotined was asked if he had any last
wish to make. The dying mans wish is
held sacred YES" he replied, 81 want
TO learn the English language"
Az American, after dining at London
restaurant paid his bill and was about
leaving when the waiter suggested that
The amount did not include the waiter.
"Ah," said the man, "but didn't eat the
waiter"
"WIrL YOU have the audacity to move
little further forward?" is the way a
onductor on the Boston street-cars puts
il when he wants to make room for more
passengers in his already crowded
vehicle.
HOWARD LAMrooN: "Archimedes, you
say, discovered specific gravity on get
ting into his bath; why had the prlncl..
pie never before occurred to himY'
Probably this was the first time he ever
took bath"
A YOUNG lady was caressing pretty
spaniel and murmering: Il do love a
nice dog "Ahp said dandy standing
near, II would were dog" "Never
mind" retorted the young lady, sharply,
you'll grow"
PHILADELPHIA Chronicle: The female
f0adness for dress is what causes many
young men to remain bachelors. They
recognize that they cannot buy silks and
satins and still have money left for bill
liards and beer.
Ar q recent theatrical performance a
gentleman whospeaks rich Irish brogue
played the part of an Indian, and peo-
pile who have visited Saratoga and Nj
agara at first thoughtit was real Indian,
SO natural did it seem.
THE trouble about taking a medicine
warranted to cure all diseases is that it
may not know exactly what is wanted of
it, and in that case it will go fooling
around in the system trying to cure you
Of some disease that you have not got.
IrnoRDER Ito witness with bandaged
head: "Did he have any proyocation
when he struck you?" Witness: "Ee may
have had something of the kind con-
tayled about his person, but it was a
brick he struck me with"
THE last piece of rustic laziness en-
countered by out-of-town correspondents
is that Of the man who, being asked
what allied his eye, answered: "Nothin';
| shut il coz ! can see well enough with
one. Sometimes | shut one, sometimes
t'other'"
A WRITER in the "home" column of an
Illinois newspaper has been to Washing
ton, and says: "At the hotel table saw
at least half dozen Eastern Congress
men and their families eating meat
stews, potatoes and pie with the sharp
edge of the knife towards their mouth.
/ do not believe there is family in the
West fit to provide Congressman that
does not know enough in eating to turn
the dull back of the knife to the mouth"
BosroS Transcript: Customer-"Those
4 1,,,
mighty bad" Dealer-"Bad? "Why,
sir, I've sold thousands and thousands
of those cigars, and you're the first to
find fault with" Customer-"l don't
know anything about that, but l know
that when tried to smoke" Dealer
"Ah, see, see That's where you
ipade mistake. Isupposed you wanted
them to treat your friends with. thought
there must be some mistake about it,"
PUNCH contains good one on trust es-
tates which need be confined to no coun-
try or limited to any system in its APP
plicability. A father informs his son that
lac has made will leaving to him his
entire property in the hands of a trustee
and asks him if he has any suggestions to
make. well, no, not exactly" replies
the young hopeful, unless that, as things
go, wouldn't It do as well to leave ii to
him and make me the trustee" The
keen wit of that biting satire has rarely
been surpassed.
The editor of the Petaluma Pedpine is
evidently not considered by his towns
men TO crowd the lamented George
Washington very hard on the score OF
veracity. The other day two of his
principal advertisers walked in, and said
one: "Howdy, Major? want you to an
swer question; just decide little bet
you know. Now, sir, be so kind as to
pay particular attention, and think be-
re you speak. Did it rain this morn
ing?' "Why, of course it didp' said the
agricultural thunderer, much surprised.
Exactly, much obliged" said the citi-
zen, with relieved expression. "You
see, Judge Parker here bet me forty dol
lars that you couldn't tell the truth on
any subject and under any circumstances
whatever, and took him up. Come out
and take drink" And, as the winner
further agreed to pay his back suhscrip-
ton out of the stakes, the Major conclud-
ed to call it square.
GES. CLISGHAM, of North Carolina,
who has been Congressman or Senator
for forty years, gives reporter some in
teresting facts as to changes in the char
acter Of the United States Senate and its
prodecure since the days of Clay, Web
ster and Calhoun. In those DAYS all de-
bates we're extempore, and the earnest
ness, vigor and ability displayed made it
a treat TO be present at one. Gen Cass.
who read speech in the session Of lsi9-
80, is said to have been the first innova