The Sentinel. [volume] (Trenton, N.J.) 1880-1882, 1881-08-06
OUR COL ONEL's STORY,

On d oLlf TWIAT THE CUP AND THE LIP
"You all knew Sandy Mcpherson"
said our colonel.
Intimately Perfectlyp "As
well as my own brother, sirl' most of
us replied, though, if the truth be told,
there was not man at the mess table
who had ever heard of Mcpherson be-
fore. You see, it was the commanding
officer who spoke, and it was ALWAYS
risky saying him nay when he expected
yea.
"They used to call him, you recol-
lect, 'The Great Unwashed,' a vulgar
but appropriate sobriquet, nevertheless"
continued the chief. "Great, on ac-
count of his burly and previously ugly
person unwashed, by reason of his &C
credited scant acquaintance with brown
Windsor, spring water and the functions
Of the dhirzees and dhobies-i. e., tailors
and washermen of the land.
'On his coffee estate in the noun
AIMS and among his undraped and I'M
'crubbed coolies, this disregard for the
comforts and conveniences of life went
'or nothing perhaps it was even in
keeping with the surroundings but
when he came down to this city, walked
in it's public gardens and esplanade, or
showed with its swells at the band, his
appearance was something too outra-
geous, and his brother K. O. BIS, mean
ing Knights of the Coffee Berry, and not,
as you might suppose, of the Order of
he Bath, dressy men hereabouts, what
ever else they are on their plantations,
cast him completely into the shade by
their get-up and gorgeousness.
Gas for the spinsters and young widow
Of the station there was scarce one but
who fought shy of admitting him into
her presence as morning visitor, much
less as a sutton, though many of these
blooming ladies were or the sharp look
out for the silken chains of matrimony,
and Barkis-t that is to say, MCPHERSON
was, as they knew, willing.
"But, disadvantages of person and at
tire Notwithstanding, he was right
good fellow, this same gentleman. He
was honest, hard working, thrifty, sim
minded, and, from being mere adj
venturer without interest, friends or
money, he had, self-helped only, saved
mp the bawbees little by little /; had
bought patch after patch, acre after
acre, of virgin land; cut down it's timber,
cleared it, planted it, and now he had
suuatted down free from membranes
on Ailsa Craig, as he called his property,
as pretty and as fruitful a small coffee
estate as could be found in one of the
most picturesque districts of this lovely
island.
"Now you young gentlemen who arei in
the habit of lawn-tenising, afternoon
teaing, talking, spooning, walking,
driving, with all the feminines, plain
and colored, of this place, and who
think that you have only to ask and be
received-which I beg and entreat you
will not put to the test, cutting up the
mess and so on-can't perhaps realize
to yourselves the difficulties the worthy
l am speaking of had met with in even
this overstockedA matrimonial empo
rum. The Anglefralls, the Hunters,
the Hookers, lots of girls whom l will
not name, had snubbed or turned up
their pretty noses at him when he came
a-wooing, and SO, ,aole,as oolens, he re-
NAMED a bachelor, matchmaking his
ill-luck and venting his dlsappolntments
upon the backs of Sinking and recu-
SAINT Tamil coolies, the recognized natu-
raj enemies of coffee and the scape-
goats of it's cultivators.
"Then as last resource he sought
from his brethren of the berry around
counsel as to the most advisable method
of getting the so needed helpmate, and
the first man he consulted was Herr
Thaler, a successful and rich German,
whose estate bordered on Ailsa Craig.
$3.50, so = said that parsonage. 'Zere
is noting more easy Fave off Eat ragget
beard, burn in re fire zose old Globes
not fit for 'Oundsdltch or any Juden
Strasse, buy Won big tob, mein friend,
get ZONE Europe muster coats and zen
return to re frauleins and vidder fraus
vid re monish bag in re lands. Ii zey
will not ave you, zey will take re rupee;
frost 'em for Eat, my zon.'
"But the recommendation was unpalat-
able, and to great extent impracticable,
so another ta4s Achates was appealed
to, one Jack lie Geste, a man mucn ad-
dicted to chaff and practical joking.
"sIn this land of pearls and precious
stones, no go, dear boy said MIR. lie u.