Daily Republican., 1881-09-15
MA! BA!! HAL!
bumOr WILL Drive Away she
Biuss-SO Here Goes Tor some
thing to Laugh AZ.
POOR GnI'rN

HieHt ne would give seRnCe, where
: !, any member of a small invited circla
. could call up the spirits of their friends
ana converse with them. BY mistake
man whose reputation for deeds of
: violence would not place his spirit
} above par in the soul market, entered
the circle. After listening awhile to
rapping, the bad man arose aud said :
Say, Cap'n, whar's the old mans
ghost ?"
What old man" asked the medium.
" My old man, tho governor. Cal
him up"
"What's his name ."
"Tom Bea!ick call him up!'
don't think we are in communi-
cation with him tonight"
NV hat Is the matter, wire down ?"
" No the old gentleman is off on u
visit"
Snow, here, jest shut up your ward.
robe and turn out your light. If YOU
don give the Old ruan' $ ghost u show,
the thing shau't run"
wait, I'll sec il! he'll come" said
the spritualist. "If Le raps three
times he is willing; If only once, he
has other engagements.
- niini l. IhI SouHhSh.
"lie is unwilling" continued the
spirituaIst.
"Now, here" said the bad man,
that want the ole mans knock. |
WY, cf he'd hit that tsb, he'd spliu-
ter il. Call him up" and DRAWN, a |
revolver tie aflcctiOnate son cast SO
we're look at the medium.
80 tell the truth, can. call him
up
"rell him that want to see him.
| That II fetch him"
mo, he won't come, bnt be- you to
ho patient. Wat; ah, h. vail come
presently. He is hero and desires to
talk with you. He says that he i. per
fecny happy, aud that he Ionss for the
time when you will he with him. iIpi
IS one OF the rulers OF the spirit land"
"tap'eu, you're the interL aiIsy liar in
Ark anSas."
"Why so, sir"
"i!"cauSr he Old man is il the city
prison. drunk as fool"
SCOOP FOR FLIES"
"Say, do you know what. good for
lies?' qneried IL Woodward avenue
butcher a, he entered the drugstore
the ",he day. 81 guess can PAT yoi
up something for about u quarter" wa,
the reply. When the dose was reauy
Iln butcher was told to nour it ont on
plates aud set them on the counter, aid
ne hurried away to give it u trial. In
about an hour he sent for tho druggist
To come over. The 10000 flies IN the
shop before the dose was given had /
been multiplied by tour. ''Grcat lands. |
nut IN being carried off with lilies" cx.
Claimed tie butcher as he waved IL long |
kn'ie around his head. "Nell, why ,
don You get something to Kill 'etu
Oft! 'Dldn'G T. but l. h lsN't killed "A =,
one, "pf course it hasn't YUu| i
wanted something good tor flies ard ,
gave You clarified syrup. It's the best !,
stuff to draw flies ana heep EN- count
ed | ever hearu Of Why uidn't you
tell h!e You wanted a y.kiiicr?.
IT WOULDN'T DO.
y Janesvi.le man instructed new
servant how to order meat IRON the
market through the telephone, anl then
L'lu h"r after ordering he m,A', to put
Iitr nose To I'll" tranoInltter, 10 sre if the 7
meat was good The next day she or. a
lrrcd meat and ao she wa, smelling AZ
lie tfansnlt'er, the mans blru log a
'asscd throa,i ia the room. The dog had I
lten having a fight with skunk y
W heh the servant got a sm' II Of the e
'og, she yelled through the telephone o
Keep yeze ow!d strong meat, and sind q
ONE fish. Ho Wy mo'her, tllas wLl.d u
'flVt Il h'lzzArd away from dead horse. ~
" hl5l. anu onc lett The Instrument in 81
isgust. H.
A HARD HIT.
There were half a dozen ladies aud
"ht.rmen il "A street ear, when the =,
river stopped the ear and said: "Therr ~
s"lnthoiy Ill this car trying to beat e.
le out of fare" The passengers. :" -,
'oked at each other and ali said they ~
al put in their fare "!t don't make W.
ny difference. There are only six 49,
ares III the box and seven pc pie in u,
40 car. Then gentleman got up ~,
nj with sl4h put in the missing fare, W. W.
II put i'll my TAR" before,
Ut as was orce in tn. LEGISLATURE, r.
very BODY will say 1t can't be- any one w.
.se but me, 50 Ill have to stand it," a'
Railroai superin endent to an appli-
Ait for worA-Do YOU know how to cr
lake fires? II;
"IeS sur" #,
"Would you be willing to sweep the 4,
assenger rooms at the depot i've Y, or III
teen Zines day? bu
81 wud, sir" rr
Are you able bodied enough to run
'rands for the officers OF I he cuiu ,,any?!" ne
81 believe am" il
DO you think you conld assort TEX
$, and check baggage, and carry rele- da
'arh dispatches, anu go to the post Of til
'e Tor malr, and Chop wvoi aud pat wi
Goa for tie upeIintendeut."' be
81 cud." a,
"Well, guess you can come on az a
witch tender. nn
After all 1t appears that George thu
ashlngton was not the first who said ha
ally to his father in the garden one the
y, "Fatter l cannot tell a lie" A US
nlar story is told about William str
lakespeare, and, i'll order t1 prevent bee
we may as well give this wi,
rslon also. 1t runs as follows. One OF t
y William Shakespeare $ father came ire
me from Sheffield and brought with vii
m fine new axe. Young Will got ton
Id OF this axe and went and hacked gti
cherry-tree. " hen his father d scov- our
a. the damage done, he sald, suspect roo
( his son, "Will, whoGid that" Then I
II. looking his father frankly in the ,ur
'e, said, FEATHER cannot tell % lie but
was Ben johnson. and
A sad lookin. man went into drug WIZ
re. "Can you give me-" said he" w.. w.
that will drive from NV 'he
nd the thoughts OF sorrow and bitter -
% And the druggist P"'
ldeA ard pnt him up little dose Joa'
luinine and worlnwood, and rhularb W." "o'
! Epson salts, and q dash of castor .i .,'e
and gave it to him, and for six 'ha
nths the man couldn't thiuk of auy soii'
ng in the world eXcept new schemes