Connecticut western news., 1881-03-23

IN good cause @ child's atm is as strong as 8 giants; in a bad cause giants arm is as weak as 8 childS.
 GA BABE," says Q writer, lis moth- CTS anchor" We have often heard that the first thing they do is to weigh it.
 "THE spring will be backward" predicted Vennor, as he was about to apply red hot poker to the cats nose.
 IT IS said that if you take a sufa- ciently large dose of morphine it will cure you of all your bad habits ct once, .h- OH, SHE was nice to eat, f
 Remarked the alligatori
 She tasted very sweet,
 And am gladiator.
 IT TURNS out that we sent our pigs to a pretty market when we sent them abroad to have trichinosis flung in their faces. " se t.t. E" ' .E9"
 THE wise man as well as the fool makes blunders. The wise man, how, ever, never makes the same blunder twice. '.----.' .-. s'. ..... .Is
 APPEARANCES are nothing if you are in the right; but if you are in the wrong, you must pay especial attention to them. s.. .t..
 "MEAN," she cried, "my husband is the meanest wretch in the world. He won't give me the least excuse for com' planning" .....-
 THE best way to apologize. is to do such a kindness to the offended one
 that he will forget that you ever ats
 tempted to iniure him. &2
 SAID Brown, "Smith won't have so
 soft a thing as he has had" "I don't
 know, replied Robinson; "hell have
 a soft thing so long as he doesn't lose
 his head" < 5. Y" 70
 "Dm you read my last poemT 'Yes;
 it was simply perfect" "Oh, come
 now, really, you know, nothing is per-
 feet in this world" "Oh, yes-non-
 sense is p -....s - .-.s.,
 "GooD-BY," said Margaret. "Good
 by is it?' exclaimed Patrick, delightedly. "Thrue for ye, Maggy, and I'm list the by that will never be aisy till he shtands wid ye before Father , McGrath." .,..--,y- , ONE squealing child will spoil an 7 entire evening. One new bonnet will ) make a woman happy. One. little hirt l can make twenty girls uncomfort- , able. One wife has been known to set man wondering why he was born. THE most modest man has been found by the Kingston Freeman. He is : grandfather and gave as an excuse for : clearing the slush from his sidewalk f that he did not like to see the ladies , lift their skirts in walking over it. A RA1nRAoAD engineer, saying that
 the usual life of @ locomotive was only thirty years, passenger remarked that . such tough looking thing ought to live longer than that. "Weu,"
 responded the engineer, "perhaps It 2 would if it didn't smoke so much. . A DEBATING society has tackled the . question: els it worse to think you've reached the top when there isone stair ; more, than to think there is one stair Q more when you've reached the top, and f bring your foot down so hard that 1t tingles for four hours ?"
 "I DON'T want that piece of beef," !"
 said customer to butcher, f'because @ it's from the back of the neck. GAS Il far as that goes," responded the butch- 1t CT. ssall the meat on beef iB back of d the neck. There is nothing oa beef e in front of the neck except tho horns. " l. THE question was, "What people IS are considered to be descended from r. Ham ?" "Niggers," answered one boy g about the middle of the class. " Right, IS said the master but the correct word e is-?" "Kniggerbockers, "s shouted @ out the masters favorite at the foot of the class.
 'i "CAN I give my son college educa- y ton at home?" asks a fond parent. y We'll, you may be able to teach him as o much of Greek and Latin and ,t mathematics as the college could, but n you never can so thoroughly imbue him i with the idea that everybody else is @ :: blamed fool.
 p WHEN Patti was in Monaco she was it present at one of yignaux's private ex- ,r hibitions in billiards. At each stroke n she clapped her hands and ended by ar saying sOhl if you could only teach a me to play like that!'' "Wilingly," ,e said vignaux, eff you will only teach It me to sing as you do l" to A VOICE from the Waste Paper Basket ,e of Punch: Cynical and Waggish Friend D. (to Editor)-"I suppose you often gel i'd good things sent youa" Editor (incau'
 tiously) -"Occasionally.p Cynical Wae -"Ah! but they never appear" tChuck. 's les. Editor "So disappointed con G. tributors always tell me" Exit sepa Id rately.] --. a-f fs-F 'n A CAPITAL Choice: Cousin Amy H. s'So you haven't made up your mind 1e yet what profession you're going ts It choose when you grow up, Bobby P w Bobby-"Wel, yes I don't exactly s' know what it's called, you know, bu ce it's living in the country, and Keeping st lots of horses and dogs, and all that r 'l- Bobby's papa is curate, with e2Ol
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