The Portland daily press., 1881-07-20
Cards and Card Etiquette.
[Harper's Bazar.l


The great question OF "Who should call
frst?" las never been settled. The lady OF
high position does not want persons unentitled
to her acquaintance to intrude upon her; she
wishes to select her circle; persons of sensitive
minds do not wish to intrude themselves; 40
many very agreeable aoquaintanccs are pre-
vented by this deadlock, and pushing and in
solent persons may be able to make the ae-
quaintarce of both. OF the two faults the
over-sensitiveness is the most forgivesble but
it should not be carried too far. Many young
women overdo this matter. Perhaps the best
solution is this: A young couple coming to
New York from another city, with every pos
sible reason for being in the best society, may
give a tea or a reception, and send cards to
whom they wish to know. II the cards are
honored, either by visit or a card returned BY
the invited guest. the couple is ''in society,""
and will be invited back again. Those per-
sons who do not wish TO know such newly ar
rived people can refrain from sending cards,
and thus the acquaintance is defined. Nor
should there be any aggravated ill-feeling IL
all who are asked do not send cards, for the
leaders of society are many of them obliged to
draw in rather than to expand their circle, and
no disrespect is intended. II a young couple
are all right as to character, intelligence and
position they will be found out, and will have
friends enough very soon.
Much nonsense has been talked and written
about turning down the corners of . card.
Much of it is dead letter. The lady who calls
in person is apt to pinch down the right hand
corner Of her card to remind her hostess that
Oh, al in Int 10 ;,,t<x
desuotude, and plain card not turned down
is the best style.
Calls ought to be made within week after
dinner or a first invitation; and after . mar
riage, birth or DEATH within six weeks Theo
calls of coDgratulation are done in France by
card only, or sent by post, or private hand, but
not in person. Here we are apt to call In per-
son. Ladies do not stay at home after an en-
tertainment to receive calls unless they have
issued cards for day. The best plan 10 for
lady, in giving ball, to put in with her ball
invitation a card informing her friends when
she will be at homo, naming one day or four,
as she pleases. This settles the whole ques-
tion, and simplifes the exhausting duties Of
society, and is done by the leaders Of New
York society. Calls OF congratulation after
wedding, or after an engagement has been an
nounced, are in this country made in person.
Where there has been reception after the
ceremony, which the invited guest has attend
ed, and has left q card in the card receiver, q
subsequent visit may be omitted. But il the
invited guest has not been able to attend the
wedding reception, a call is strictly necessary
as soon after as possible. After cards have
been left once in the season, they need not be
left again, except after an invitation. P. P.
G. cards, sent when one is about leaving for
Europe, or in changing a residence from city
to country, can always be sent by post without
wounding any ones feelings
If all older lady ask younger one to call,
the younger lady must hasten to do so in per-
son. If a gentleman is invited by lady TO
call, he is bound to do so IN person, and soon.
He must then wait until he has been asked to
some entertainment before calling again.
When a lady has day or an evening it is
more polite to call on that occasion than to call
at odd intervals. This rule however, only ap-
plies to persons who are on ceremonious terms
with the lady who honors them with an invita-
ton. 1t is growing custom in all large cities
for ladies to have a day for receiving, as it is
almost impossible otherwise to reach ones ac-
quaintances or to see anybody in a busy town.
1t is proper for elderly ladies, invalids and
people in mourning to send cards in envelopes
TO all their friends, but these cards snould by
the young and strong De returned III person.
Dinner invitations, garden party invitations
and ladies' lunch invitations are of so much
impor anee tlat they must be answered o.
once, as others might be invited in your phase