New Ulm weekly review., 1881-10-05


For one who Is in danger In the camp.
And prays God's blessing for her absent
love.
Ah. when tho voice with tone Of anguish rings
Bo tranQuil-I am meath tn Almightys
He loves and honors true soldiers bloodl
-. ..1........=
THOMPsONs LAST JOKE
Thompson was happy man, but
Mrs. Thompson was not-that is, not a
happy sco-man-and her unhappiness
was both q source of satisfaction and
amusement to her husband.
They were well-to-do in this world !;
for. as Thompson was very success-
full speculator in grain at the Corn Ex-
change, Mrs. Thompson was seldom
without change, and with their two
selves only in the family, they managed
to eat, live, and dress we'll.
Thompson loved q joke, and If q
practical one, SO much the better but
his wife never saw one, and was too
practical to enjoy tho witticism that
yelled either vulgarism or satire.
And, of course, her facetious spouse
took exceptional care to make her the
victim of his ono falling whenever the
spirit prompted.
In consequence of which little Mrs.
Thompson was in constant state of
uncertainty whether to laugh or cry.
For instance, on the last morning OF
the old year, as her husband was leav-
ing tho pretty villa at Clapham, to 90
down to business, he turned at the door
TO say, solemnly-
Goodbye, Puss We've eaten our
last meal together this year -
She started up in alarm and rushed
after him to tho door, from which he
was slowly emerging, with broad
grin on his face.
''But, Tody,'' she gasped, shivering
on the threshold, as the keen air struck
her.
Theodore, madam - sternly re-
torted Thompson, looking at her with
fixed eye, .'or Dore, if you like-but
not Tody. Ugh!'
Theodore, then," pleadingly cried
the poor little woman, ''wha-wha-at
do you meanp Are you angryp Did I
II do anything wrong?"
II leave you, madam, to find out.
shall not see you again this year."
And, with wave of his hand, Thomp-
son, walked of, the grin reappearing
as his wife's Mortified countenance
came into his. mind. ''She'll find out
that it's the last day Of the year." he
soliloquized, as he mounted the omni-
bus that every morning carried him to
Observation-Disclosures; "and remember
that I'm going to supper with Jones
tonight, and Of course will not see her
until the New Year is in.''
But Mrs. Thompson did not see the
point of the joke until Theodore ex-
planned it, at two O clock next morning,
and passed miserable day according
~. brooding over his parting words
and their hidden meaning.
Amid q shower of tears and nanno-
made of sobs, Thompson vowed he
would never-no, never-again make
her the subject of joke, which he was
only too glad to promise as the price of
peace; for the last bottle Of champagne
had just touched the spot which variab-
ly ached with double horsepower, and
he fell off asleep with splitting head
ache, murmuring mysteriously:
''Mumm's the word.'
Which the subdued and penitent wife
understood to be a request that she
would not again refer to this incident,
to which sho eloquently replied, as she
sank into slumber
:pll forget it all, Tody-Dore-
Theodore ~
Thus the fact is evident that the care
less, fun-loving Thompson found life
more desirable than his earnest, loving
little wife. to whom the days were long
and empty until he should return, and
the nights weird and ghost-haunted
until his latch-key startled the lonely
spectres back to their lurking-places.
But Theodore never thought of this.
He was the ringleader of q few Mark
Lane habitues. and did more bonneting,
grain-pelting, and other sportive jests
than the whole band of convivil spirits
together and, besides, sang the best
songs told the best stories, and played
the sharpest tricks. And so imbued
had he become with this spirit that his
better, soberer nature was becoming
completely eclipsed. when at last q
pull-back arrested him in his mad
career" and the tables were turned on
Theodore Thompson, Esquire.
Mrs. Thompson, like the generality
OF the feminine readers of newspapers,
found her greatest enjoyment Of the
daily paper in the list of deaths and
marriages, lost and found and the
agony column.
For this latter she had rare fascina-
tion, and many times and oft would
break in upon Theodore's study of
tho grain quotations in the ''Mark Lane
Express" with wondering demands
for an explanation of this strange or
that singular request from so-and-so.
and thus and 50, in the second column
of the ''Times.''
One fatal day. following upon series
of suppers and excursions to which
Theodore had lent the lustre of his wit,
leaving her to her lonely evenings aud
disconsolate days, without the aid of q
female friend to beguile the time with
aesthetic art discussions, she fell upon
q remarkable advertisement, and Ne.
mesis followed fast upon Thompson's
heels.
''Tody, isn't this stranger just lis
ten," said Mrs. T., with big open eyes,
staring at her paper pneasily,
Tody had heard the like before, and
was besides very intent on calculating
the margin the sudden rise would allow
him in his next offers, and therefore
simply grunted out, Eyes, very" And
went on comparing the closing prices
OF last year with the present one.
Mrs. Thompson had grown very
agitated, and was peering iptently at
her husband from behind her paper.
'''You must listen, Theodore she
said. decidedly, with q shake Of the
news-sheet.
':All right, I'm listening. Wheat,
1891, . fall Of three-eights since yester-
day." murmured Thompson, abstract
edly, figuring away.
Theodore Thompson, what does
this meanP'' demanded the small wo-
man, with hysterical majesty, looking
very stern. but trembling very womanly.
This was the advertisement, which
aho .,n,a0Ooof2od n y,on6 a1n,,d ,,,ikk, k1,n