Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-11-05
CHOICE CHIT-CHAT
On Moral and MISCELLANEOUS
Cuueiior Saturdays Register.

A bore is an unlucky animal, who Il
most welcome after he has gone.
The easiest thing in the world is tc
see fault in another man and a virtue
in yourself
That kind OF insane hattery which, in
the popular slang. is known as soft SOAP
Is made OF very powerful lie
Though the guilty man is sure that nc
one knows his guilt ne is always afraid
that some one has Just found him out
There are some men IL this naughty
world VINO would he worth q million ii
a hundred per cent. were taken of for
cash.
Another gorilla has arrived i'll Eng
land. Darwin has taken him TO board
and promised to look up the family
record.
\ great many peoples lives are Ike
the blunder buss that had a rusted load
in it, At the discharge the owner is
himself kicked over.
Iite is said to be a lottery, and ii that
is so il is a very serious question whether
some OF Us when We drew our brains did
no. draw blanks.
II would be an Improvement ii among
the walters in some OF our summer
hotels the principles ola civil service re-
lOrm would be enforced.
You can't make good out OF evil any
moce than YOU can skim the cream oil
the tou O. pan oil milk and then turn
i over and skim 1t Oft the bottom.
If q man should attempt to 90 down
the street calling everything he saw by
Us right name he could hardly get hall Il
block without being mobhed and arrest
Ell.
/; is saij that in carving a piece OF
mutton il Is better not to cut 1t saddle
wise, but rather bridlewise, because IN
TIE latter ease you are able to get bit
n your mouth.
Under certain circumstances men
change even their physical natures in
simultaneously. Coup TO the tatie5t man
in IN. community, ask him in a sweet,
nrcromantic voice TO lend you - and
YOU will suddenly lind hl.n very short
indeed.
That Was y very pretty compliment
which the negro paid % a beautiful
young laiy whom he lifted across the
gutter. She said, "Sam. ana afraid |
am too heavy son no miss, was the
gallant reply. you know lse lifted
barrels Of sugar all my lie.
Some peoples religion is GOOD for
ordinary occasions, but ii fails in long
Drought and heavy rain. Its like the
taich ut the oil lady WHO, when riding
down a steep hill, trusted in ProHIdence
until tue uIreching broke and then
thought it was about time Tor her 10
take care OF herself.
A coffin is somewhat grave subject
on which to exercise ones wit, hut the
following verses will do us no harm;
There waSa man bespoke u thins
Which when the owner no ne did bring.
II. ta&t ale IL Gid refuse !;
Agl sr that bought II would uHl use II,
Ami I've tuNt hal IL d!t not know
Watcher ne mad 10, yea Or no.
Gui,eau's name IS suggestive OF his
probable end. Indeed, it is curious how
IN the eternal fitness oi things YOU can
always find prophecy OF the future. II
the law courts are true tGeir duty,
AL Won have to DO is TO add final u to
the cOguomen, get Down EAster 10
pronounce it, amt you have the mans
late. ss.t,ed by lis uame-GUIt-eaut.
Don't let any one keep your con-
science Tor YOU. You may have a dit
icult task on hand ii you propose TO
keep it Yourself, and TO keep j; without
muzZ.e or collar, but not hall as dit-
dcut rs to try TO please everybody.
the poet says:
Woo seeks 20 please all men each way
Ami no, g. Im,rIt offend,
lie muy Sr.i'. IiS work to-day
But who kuOws whca he'll end.
4 definition is something about which
q man ought TO - very careful. Still,
!. a definition man might not only
maze grIcyouS bunker, but at the
Sa,un ,.mn make a very startling slate
meat ut ruth. 4 yely precise AID re-
-uprtah.,, !"x,c0graphCr, when asked tor
an exact definition OF the word "parascl,
rrp.i,G slowly, "Parasoi? Il is a pro-
lection against the sun by ladies' made OF
cotton aud whalebone.
\ mere hint is quite enough for some
people, vino eau see a j)ke without a
surgical operation on the crauium to le.
il enter. When some one asked what
the finest sermon he ever heard was
about q Wit. replied that the most elo-
quent sermon he ever listened to was
about twenty minutes. the clergy saw
the iDkr. bur nevertheless continued to
loupIc w or the time. Now let us
1--WE the merrSt shadow OF suggestion
IN another d,srrti0u: ! newspaper IN
the lsr H"sf, WIEN dPscrlb,u@ in glowing
terms q Eourtn OF julc celebration, said
uGgi;tiGEIy, bat perhaps truthtully.
that the procession vas very line and
nearly ;wD miles III length. AZ was also
the prayer nt ;he chaplain.
Iiyou have had any experience with
thediilerent religious vagAries Of America
Won must at some time have come across
the "Shouters, a class OF people who
seem to think that the Lord mus re-
SHE at a great distance and Gan b.
reached only by wells and screams. Or
il may be that their loud voices may DE
the means Of religious stimulus among
/ themselves, and that they can work
! themselves into great religious fervOr 10y
/ standing i'll New Jersey and irving 10
make the Lord who lives on the summit
. OF the mountains OF Perusyivanla hear
them. They haze their logic as we'll as
/ other people. They arc Perfectly sure
/ that they are right, ana tina, the mos.
| effective PRAYERS are those which make
/ the throat spre IN the Uttcrorce. A
gentleman ashp,; one of these disciples
| of high & Why he hOliered SO when he
p,ayri. and be answered. "Why do |
I holiri" Because have Scripture al
/ tho,ity for it, aud goes 10y Scripture
I entirely o. being questioned rs TO
/ the eyac; passage which "rln'RcG suci,
{ 4 peculiar exhibition ~ answered.
( -. ',,.,,tl,.. ..kN.N n IL in the l.p'I :