The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1881-01-13

WITHIN tuc pssSt year I,0UV HllleS
of new railroad have been built in the
United States. Most of these are
Western.
THERE was Il boom in the national
debt reduction last month. The total
reduction reached the cheerful sum of
$500, ,43O.
THE little game.cock government of
Chill seems disposed to follow the ex-
ample of Uncle Sam in ~, and gobble
up the whole Pacific coast of South
America.
THE South Carolina legislature has
enacted new batch of laws against
dueling. It seems to amuse the legis-
lature, and interferes with nobody's
pistolic diversion.
THE Union Pacific railway proposes
to pull plum out Of the mouth of
Pullman, by refusing to renew their
contract, which soon expires. They
are disposed to try building their own
sleepers.
SIX more pairs of shoulder straps
are to be retired from the national
police squad, by courtesy called the
army. The privates will out-number
the officers if this sort of thing be.
comes epidemic.
THE socialumatics of New York are
preparing to turn themselves loose in
grand reception to Hartmann, the
Russian nihilist who served several
years apprenticeship to the art of
cZar-exterminatiOll, and failed to mas
ter it.
Mr.. WILLETT, of Michigan, pro-
poses to disfranchise the Mormons as
an antidote to polygamy. 1t would
then be only question of wives ver-
sus votes. The uxoriocs follower of
the prophet pays his money and takes
his choice.
WEST VIRGINIA has produced a
mariner to take charge of the small
feet of tubs owned by this govern
ment-Nathan Goff, Jr., of Clarks-
burg. AS he gives up an office paying
him $4,000 year, it looks as though
lie must have longer grip on the
portfolio than the two months remain
ing of the present administration.
RUSSIA, having determined to occupy
the country of the Turcomans-:'oc-
cupy" being czarese for steals hav-
ing plenty of fun doing it. They have
had several lively fights, in which,
though defeated. the Turcomans made
the victories expensive. But as it is
only aquestion of time. the Tekkes are
shedding their blood for pure glory.
THE British lion and the African
boer seem determined to fight it out.
The people of the Orange River Free
State are joining with their neighbors
of the Trans. Vaal in their insurrection
against English rule. This combina.
tion places in the field a much larger
force than the British can oppose to
them for some months, and serious
trouble is anti cipated.
GAIT. EADs, having MIXED the jet.
. ty cow dry, has been exercising his
persuasive powers upon the unsophisti-
Gated Greaser with the most gratify-
ing success. The ''horseback govern
ment'' granted him the right Of way
for his ship railroad across the isthmus
of Tehauntepec, and gave bonus of a
million acres of land on the Pacific
coast to build his depot and warehouse
upon.
The COnnelnar;s sensation has
reached New England, and has de-
veloped into the largest assemblage of
black crows that ever flew from Min
nesota. The Boston Journal has
jumped to the astute conclusion that
the entire population of Minnesota are
starving; and as anything enlanating
from the Hub is unquestioned gospel
in the remote East, Minnesota re-
ceives vast amount Of gratuitous
sympathy.
THE Irish unpleasantness is a
bonanza for the gunmakcrs, who are
doing All unprecedented business.
The government expresses confidence
III its ability to meet any emergency
with the forces now III the country.
Queen Victoria asks for special discre.
tionary powers to keep the turbulent
Hibernians in order. If it was only
suggested to her, a dose Of moral sua.
sion might have better effect than
ron and lead.
CONGRESS should tender vote of
thanks to Prince Bismarck. The in.
tolerable rigors of his government are
driving to America all the better class
IS who can raise sufficient of the need
f"l to pay their passage to America.
Uncle Samuel is thereby the gamer of
multitudes of thrifty. educated and
honest citizens, who will lie great
developing factor in our vast unoccu-
tie their social and political problems
Dy short cut-tO America.
THE process of instantaneous pho.
Biography, recently perfected in Lon
don, does away with the necessity of
swallowing a crowbar to maintain the
erect 'infiexibility usually supposed to
be essential to catching the shadow.
The photographer now lariats his
victim OH the run. The whole job re.
quires only the hundredth part of a
second, and the escaping thief, or the
party anxiously seeking to cut the ac.
quaintance of a mad bull, may be pho.
tographed as perfectly as if he had
Rlicked uD and nlanted himself for ~ O