Litchfield enquirer., 1881-06-23
CLIPPINGS.


 they could if they would. No cards.
 The Boston Transcript calls Bob Ingersol the sham-Paine of freethlnkers.
 Solomon was the first man who manted t part the heir In the middle. A
 F. Passing around the hat is an old and excel lent method of getting at the cents of meet ing.
 A satirical inn-keeper in Wytheville, Va. adyertises his house ass' the only second-class hotel in thesworld, ''s~ A D1Ia F Strawberry shortcakee at church festival is charming stuff to eat It is such exciting fur tosee who gets the strawberry.
 Mr. Griph was told to take strong glass tc see the eclipse. He dId so; clear whisky And his subsequent proceedings were SO irrev erent that he came near causing the eclipse te be put off.
 l A strange astronomical phenomenon il seen in the fact that when the irate father 1 takes down his trunk strap there are liable tC be spots on the son. Haf
 The Tombstone Gossip printed at Unlucky Cuss, Arizona, is sending polite requests tc it's esteemed contemporaries to- exchange ol else gravitate to Old Nick.''
 In the ladys cabins of the Hoboken ferry. boats the following notice has recently been posted '"The seats in this cabin are reserv. ed for ladies' Gentlemen will please not oc cupY them until the ladies are seated.a'
 ''Sam, you are not honest. Why do you put all the good peaches on the top of the measure and the little ones below ?" eSame l reason, sah, dat makes de front of your house marble and de back gate chiefly slop bar'l | sah." rr t,
 She was decorating her room with pictures and she perched his photo on the topmost and remarked quietly. 'Now everything is lovely, and the goose hangs high!' A correspondent should always make ita point to add to newspaper communication, ''If too long, please cut down to suit your self" This treasures the editor and suggests way out of possible difficulty which might never have occurred to him.
 A young lady became so dissatisfied with a gentleman to whom she was engaged to be married that she dismissed him. In revenge he threatened to publish her letters to hin. "Very well," replied the lady; 'I have no reason to be ashamed of any part of my let ters except the address,"
 "1 just went out to see friend for a mo- ment," remarked Jones to his wife the other evening as he returned to his seat at the thea. tre. "Indeed," replied Mrs. J., with sarcas. tic SUI. prise, "I supposed from the odor of your breath that you had been out to see your worst enemy" Jones winced.
 Just because the Lords prayer has been ''cut down to 8 stick full" in the now version, it don't follow that the deacon should also cut down his prayer in the social meeting. He should make his prayerful begging trip around the world as usual, not forgetting to pray for the government of the United States, for it needs it.
 The Texas Siftings prints cut of granite monument on which is inscribed Sacred to the memory of Don Quixote Conkling, a Demagogue, who, being afflicted with incu- rable egotism, overestimated his strength, took the bull by the horns and fl ickered, May. A. D., 1881. Also, Sancho Panza Platt, squire of the above. Vac Victis.
 A very agonizing idea is for young lady to decorate shaving set and forward it to her best gentleman friend. This signifies, q don't like the perfume the barber puts on your mustache, or Two ten cent slaves saved equals two ice creams won."
 A young convert at New Canaan recently got up and was making a confession some- thing after this sort Il have been very wicked, indeed have; have cheated many persons, very many; but will restore four fold;" when he was interrupted by an old lady thus :; "Well. 1 should think before you confess much more you had better marry Nancy Stebbins as you agreed to !'' He shot into his seat amid much confusion. It
 The Herald is the only paper among all the morning papers in New York sustaining the resignlng Senators. The trio stands thus:
 Platt,
 Herald,
 Conkling;
 Strongly suggestive of the old nursery riddle {: Big at the bottom-little at the top Thing at the middle goes whppity- -whop." Great changes are noticed in the game of marbles. When you were boy, if you rec ollect, the idea was to "knuckle down" and try to shoot SO as to hit the commons" in the ring. That's all gone by now. The game now consists of yelling, and the boy who has the quickest yell wins the most marbles This is why half dozen boys playing marbles un- der your window reminds you of the tremen- dous effects of the grand chorus of Wagner's ''Nitelungen Triloligy. "@ A Louisville observer has taken 1,OOO notes He l Out of that number 78O begin with either ''And said to him,'' or ''He said to me-" or ''She told me that he said;" 12O referred to dresses or hats that were either ''perfectly l lovely" or 'just splendid" and the remainder were pretty evenly divided between comments | on other girls who were ''horrid" or ''stuck up and hateful" new novels, studies, the 1 summer vacation and the latest scientific dis. | coveries.
 That was good specimen of American wit in the reply made by the old settler who | had lived in his city since it was log cabin or two, to the young man who was putting him through course of interrogatorles. ''You must have lived here long time ?'' "Well, reckon" "Why, how long-since you came here" "Young man," said the cid settler, seizing the queslioner by the coat lapel. "do you see that hill across the river?'' pointing to a lofty peak. "Yes," said the other, II do." ''Well, I kim here, sir, when that was nuthin' but hole in the ground" "Well, my little man, what can we do for you l" said we as young freckled faced ur- | chin stepped up to the desk with his hat in | his hand.
 ''Is this where you put things in the pa. | per ]" invuired he shylY.
 Sometimes we put things in the paper 1 here What news have you got ?''
 ''We fellers licked the Daisycutters 27 to IA this morning"
 "What is the name of your club?" "We're the Ninepounders, we are. Will you put it in mister? and say that we played agn ten men, mister; the umpire was awful rank, and if we fellers ketches him he won't | see his way home for five days" How very much like other folks boys are, we thought. "You am de squarest man in Austin" said old Uncle Nose entering drug store and talk ing the old clerk by the hand The drug man blushed modestly and said he always | tried to do his duty as Christian and an | American citizen regardless of ape race sax