The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-09-24

fitness OF things II Ia that the sinner VINO Ia gun
all over should want PRAYER book which is ais,
gilt all over.-N Y. World.
The life OF book agent In Indiana is truly
sorry one. He is daily Obliged to receive severa
enemas, composed OF old bOOtS which contain
very little nutriment and are painful In the ex
treme.-IHter Ocean.
She wears finest diamonds and laces
And is worth half a million. they say;
Her set socialist.c embraces
The fashion and wealth Of the doy;
Her face is q model III beauty
Her praises are sang DER and o'er
But what are her wealth aud her booty,
When f0ghorn can't equal her snore!
Indirect way. Enquirer: HAS the President
been told of the Illness Of his mother" White
House bulletin: "No, except In an indirect way
thst she Is WELL"
A shoemaker states that there Is no money In
building shoes for st. Louis people Queer! w
thought the man that built shoe for st. Lou
isan generally made a big thing OF it-Bosto,
Post.
Hides sends in poem beginning;
"My brain il pulverized with woe,
Nv heart ia stepped In sorrow;
And deaths dark stream may DER me dow,
Before this time to morrow.
The waves of agony and pain
Are round me fercely heating,
Because my John took Mary Jane
Pendennis home from meeting"
This is perhaps the worst case on record, and
the pen falls from the norveless grasp and refuses
to scrawl out one single word Of advice or conso
iation.--Detrott Free Press.
"What we have to fear" says western journ.
al, SIS the position Of Mr.. Jefferson Davis in de-
fence OF the past" The position OF Mr.. Davis
mat Ina rat NJ hro hui tnu an
the horn Of Il tame COW.
1t Ia not necessary to get up an expedition 'to
either pole" in order to vote twice IL can be
done In the city Of your birth or adoption and
with impunity, or, as Mrs. Darlington says, with
perfect lmpurty."-N. Y. HcrdM.
After all, the ladies at Saratoga only initiate
nature. Look at the large trunk Carried by the
female elephant-a trunk, too, la which there is
emphateally nothing to wear.
party OF physicians went on picnic the 9th.
or day and were caught in the rain A horse doc.
tor who was present wanted to bet that he was
wettern AIRY surgeon In tho erovd.-Ron,e Sen.
tnel.
Remember though box In the plural makes
boxes,
The plural of OK should be oxen. not oxes.
And remember, though fleece in the plural Ia
feeces,
That the plural Of goose isn't gooses nor geeses
And remember though house In the plural is
houses,
The plural Of mouse should be mice, and not
mOuses
Mouse, 1t is true, In the plural is mice,
Hut the plural OF house should DO houses, not
hice
And foot, It is true, In the plural is feet
but the plural Of root should be roots, and not
re0t.
" am waiting, my darling foe thee" he war
Died, and yet when the old man threw I'd a
chamber window and assured him that she'd he
down in minute" he lost his grip on the mrIo.
dy and went out Of the waiting business.
RHYME or AN ANCIENT MARINER
From the Washington Republican
love TO skim the ocean blue
To hoist the hutt ring sail
10 dash the foamy pillows through,
Famed by the favorlng gale.
What makes the ship thus wabbng gop
why can't you make 1t stop,
On shore loved my dinner so,
But here hate chop!
Oh, Captain. will walk ashore
III we are not far from 1t.
Aiy aching heart can bear no more =,
I'm sure I'm going to-oh. oh! oh!
SECRETARY HUNT.
The editor OF the Kalamazoo TeJegrapb re-.
marked 10 recent issue Of his paper that .'las,
nlght wa: gorgeous--coo, silenf, soft, shadowy.
superb. A splendid moon strobe across the hsr
blue heavens, flooding the earth with giorIous
light Our esteemed contemporary has very
Oriental way OF saying II was bad weather for
chicken stealing. chicago Tribune.
Michael Mcintyre. a tsithless New York I'm.
band, to terrify his wife, wrote her letter dated
st Buffalo, but mailed in New York, saying, 81
shall commit suicide Sept. 81. and hope you
viii get along. Good bye to all. Pray for me
hops(fo meet you In heaven" The wife, on
,,.shng the letter, retained presence OF mind
,nough to remark that 'if Mlcheal don't die I'M
se u. 81 his life will be the longest on record"
The heroic man who tries TO scare runaway
lorse into stopping should be chained. He rush.
s into the middle OF the street, nings one arm
Nth a hat on II toward the east and the otherI
rm with an umbrella attached toward the westl
nd shouts 'Hi. vi, VI. yil" just as the tired
orse is about to stop. As he rurhes back 10 the