davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

Who says the savage can't be civil.
ized? Kalakaua fights his wife.
RECIPE for lemon pie vaguely adds
"Then sit ON O stove and stir con-
stantly."
"WHY dost thou soar, my love ?" sings
poet. Probably it is because he has
been trying to mount the fiery, untamed
bicycle. II will make any man sore.--
Rockiaad Courier
"Now do tell me, Charley, said Miss
Gigglegush, who was spending the sum-
mer in the country, (which cow is IL
that gives the ice cream I'm just dy-
ing TO see her. "-Boston Transcript.
"AH," said the dairyman, "that
shower last night was q godsend to me.
1t was worth more to me than the best
COW living" Flows that ?" asked his
neishbor. ''Why, it filed up my well. +"
Salem Sunbeam.
AN OLD man.of-war sailor, who had
lost a leg in the service of his country,
became retailer of peanuts. He said
he was obliged to be retailer because,
having lost leg, he could not be a
whole sailor.
"WHY do we fire cannons and express
more Joy over Washington's birthday
than over mine ?" asked an Austin school
teacher. Because Washington is dead
and you amt, was the reply of an ir-
reverent boy.-2eras Sittings.
"Do You think you are going to die ?"
inquired the Coroner of the dyer who
had fell into vat of boiling indigo. 81
feel very blue" responded he feebly,
nd n fnly 4
ever he is still olive and the Coroner's
evidence was not red.
A BUTCHERS boy carrying tray on
his shoulders accidentally struck il
against a lady's head and nearly knocked
her hat of. "The deuce take the
tray" cried the lady in passion.
Madam, said the boy, gravely, "the
deuce can't take the tray"
A DETROIT saleswoman, on being
asked what was the hardest work she
had TO do, replied STANDING on my
feet and keeping my temper. She says
that men are much better customers to
wait upon than women-for the men al
ways know before they go into the store
what they want to buy, whereas the
women, God bless 'em, want to see half
the store displayed TO them before they
make up their minds to buy ten cents
worth of ribbon.
A FEMALE boarder at one of the Long
Branch hotels, who had made herself
very disagreeable by her ill-natured re-
marks about some of the lady guest,
met her match in Boston woman, who,
in the presence of large company,
boldly said Excuse me, madam is
that hair all your own? " Whose do you
suppose it is 2" was the answer. " Par
don me" returned the other, glancing
at the offenders husband, little, bald
headed man, q thought it might be
Mr.. G.. "-BrooktyR Ea9lc.
If YOU like nice hot pie that will
come on the table smoking, make it of
pipe plant With this authority the fair
cook viii need no other to-backer. -
Syracuse SUnday Times. And you will
then cigar-lands Of steam wreathing
from it.-E'art Marble And won't it
require puff paste to make it light
especially for editors But that snuff
OF this joke; weed like to pipe out and
-. NJ ID
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16
Whv NOt2

Why isn't glucose quots9 in any OF
the market reports? Because it is a
fraud. 1t is strip extracted from corn
by means of sulphuric acid. 1t is sold
for table use, and is employed most ex-
tensively in making candy. Nearly all
the candy made in New York and many
other cities is composed almost entirely
of glucose, and its detrimental effects
upon the health of those wko eat it il
very great. That it is the reason that it
is Lot quoted and is not sold for what it
really is.-ROchester Her aid.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

American modistes will be inquiring
from their Canton correspondents,
through the telephone, the latest fashion
in Chinese pigtails, aud when the Presi-
dent of the United States, at Washing
ton, will be enjoying a morning chat
with his dear brother Of all the Russias.
at Constantinople ?-New York Conn
nierciai advertiser.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16
interviewing a Machine.

A dealer in hardware on Jefferson
avenue has had q straw-cutter standing
on the walk In front of his store for some
days past to catch the public eye, and
yesterday forenoon two boys discovered
it and had considerable sport feeding
papers under the knife. They were still
mt work, one at the wheel and the other
feeding all the old papers he could find,
with somthing less than thousand
baskets hitched to them. They were
evidently father, mother and son, and
when they saw the straw-cutter at work
they came to dead halt and exhibited
great curiosity to know how the old
thing chewed up papers in that manner.
Alter some conversation between them
the Indian put down his basket and
made closer inspection. The boys fell
back to give him "a fair show, and as he
picked up long strip of paper the
squaw began turning the wheel in about
4-6 time.
The machinery worked beautifully,
and grin of quiet delight had just
commenced to spread over the red man s
face when the end of the paper was reached
and the knife sliced off the end of his
forefinger. There was just one howl,
accompanied by Jump three feet high.
When the Indian landed he was as silent
as the grave and as straight as a bean
pole. He looked from his finger to the
straw-cutter and back, took in the gen
eral laugh from the sidewalk without
giving himself away, and with the digni-
ty of Sultan he walked over to his
baskets, resumed his load, and marched
off with his wounded hand in his pocket
and his nose set on Decline for home.
Detroit Free Press.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16
A Reminiscence of I7s3.

The first American flag that was ever
displayed in Great Britain waved from
the mast of the ship Bedford, Capt.
Moore's. of Nantucket She arrived ct
the Downs on Feb. 3, 1888, and report
cd ut tho custom-house on the 9th. A
London journal of 1883 states that she
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

INDIGESTION, dyspepsia, nervous prostration
and ali forms OF general debility relieved by
taking MENsMAN's PEproNIzED BEEF Tonic the
only preparation of beef containing its entire
nutritious properties. IL contains blood-mak-
ing, force generating and DEMONSTRATING prop
critics; IL invaluable in all enfeebled conditions.
whether the result OF exhaustion. nervous pros
tration, overwork or acute disease, particularly
II resulting from pulmonary complaints. Cas-
well, Hazard d Co.. proprietors. New York
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16
Rnbv Sawed.

We are 80 thankful to say that our baby was
permanently cured Of dangerous and pro-
tracted irregularity of tho bowels by tho use of
Hop Bitters by Its mother, which at the same
time restored her to perfect health and strength.
Tho parents, Rochester, N. Y. See another
column. - nf1L0 Erpifss
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

IT may be long time before tele-
phoning is brought to such perfection,
but the world moves. Our grandfathers
would have secuted the idea that we
should ever read in our New York after
noon daily journals the same days news
from all parts of the Old World, flashed
under the ocean through the cable.
Who shall say that our great-grand-
children may not see the time when the
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

Query: What IL the best family medicine in
the world to regulate the bowels, purity the
blood, remove costiveness and b.liousness, aid
digestion and tone up the whole system? Truth
and honor compels us to answer, Hop Bitters ;
being pure. perfect and harmless. See another
column. Toledo Blade
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

THE Milwaukee Erening Wisconsin, says the
NORTHWESTERN HORSE NAIL Co., the leading
house in the country. whose great success is due
to its enterprising manager, A. w. Kingsland,
makes fire tons daily of the best horse nails in
the world. and has more orders than it can fill
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

For Headache, Constipation, Liver Complaint
and all bilious arrangements of the blood, there
is no remedy as sure and safe az Eilert's Day.
light Liver Pills. They stand unrivalled in re-
moving bile, toning the stomach and in giving
healthy action to the liver. Sold by all druggists
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

PRoF. SARToRI, of Treviso, claims to
have discovered process by which
Italy will save 800, 100000 year in
the matter of silk worms. The King
ordered at his own expense . movable
house for reproducing the worms on this
r,ropoaa
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

THE Louisville Commercial cites the case
of Capt. Chas. N. CORR, of that city, who
was cured by st. Jacobs Oil, after suffering
for years with rheumatism. - York (Ne6.)
RPDubIicnn
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

THERE was young lady quite fair,
Who had much trouble with her hair,
SO she bought Carboline
And sight to be seen
is the head OF this maiden, declare.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

Ir Is estimated Of the oldest Mason
that il he was laid end TO end he would
reach around the State. - Danbury
Nesps.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

THE Philadelphia Easy Hour mentions
Mr.. j. A. Walton, of 1916 North Twelfth
street, that city, as an enthusiastic indorser
of st. Jacobs Oil for the relief and cure of
diseases of horses
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

DIR. WINoHEIL's Teething Syrup has never
failed to give immediate relief when used in
cases OF Summer Complaint, Cbolera-infantum,
or pains il. the stomach. Mothers when your
little darlings are suffering from these or kim
dred causes, do not hesitate to give it trial.
YOU will surely be pleased with the charming
effect. BE sure to buy DIR. Winchell's Teething
Syrup. Sold by all druggists. Only rs cents
mar hottla
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

Some OF the Egyptian mummies are
encased in bandages more than one
thousand yards long.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16
~ ESOugll ON R8ts.v
DR.. WrNoHEII's Teething syrup

Ask Druggists for it. It clears out rats. mice
reaches, bed-Lugs, flies, vermin, insects. 15e.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

FoR Rheumatism, sprains and Bruises, use
Uncle Sans Nerve and Bone Liniment, sold by
all druggists.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16
An Excentric.

HABIrUAL costiveness AFFECTS millions OF the
American people Kidney-Wort will cure IT.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

others who
lose their
Stock by q
miserable ef
fort at econ
ony. There
are 9th ers
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

The Heat Proof Of Merit
ia uniform success, and on this basis Warmers
Safe Kidney and Liver Cure is without doubt
one Of the greatest remedies in the land
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16

prof I. TIL Q
mistake of
thinking that
anything is
good enough
for a Horse
Is made by
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-09-16
REsCUED FROM DEATH.

Gec week your own town. Terms and So outfit
VVO free Address II. HALLKIr & 90. Portland, Me.
Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1881-08-18
Fashion Notes.

Btstles ere longer and more bouffant.
All mitts are long and loose in the
wrists.
Squares Of white dotted null are used
for tichus.
Lace and muslin ichus grow larger
and larger.
lei the height OF fashion to hang a
piece of old faded tapestry on the wall.
Snowy colors in snowy contrasts APP
pear in the composition of fashionable
seaside suits.
White and gold braid trim yachting
suits OF blue, gray or cream white fan
mel serge beautifully.
Fantastic figures are embroidered in
bright colors on artistic and fancy lawn
tennis costumes.
Puffs Of null and tulle illusion in the
neck bid fair to take the place Of plait-
ings and Achus.
Cretonne fans In Trianon designs
match parasols and suits Of printed
sateen, cambria and foulard.
TIE fashionable artificial flowers are
jonquils, roses, peonies, Cxeye daisies,
white lilacs and sunfowers of various
sizes.
Yachting suits of dark or porcelain
blue; gray OF green flannel serge are
made bright and gray with Turkey red
sashes and trimmings.
Null and batiste dresses in pale tints
of color, trimmed with imitation ValeE-
ciennes and Flemish point and Vermi-
celi laces, make lovely afternoon and
evening watering-place toilets.
Some exquisite white, black, rose-col-
ored and rale blue Manila grass lace,
long scarfs, and squares, enriched with
gold threads or bright colored ones, are
at very low prices.
Longitudinal stripes il bright colors,
With gold and silver hair line effects,
crossed diagonally with stripes, formed
in the weaving of the fabric, make one
of the features Of the fall goods.
Artistic parasols have sprays of eg-
lantine, daisies, golden rod, struggling
insects, and sometimes birds painted
as if falling or flying, an ndturel, over
the cores on the outside, sometimes en-
croaching on the lace border, or fringe,
while the Innings show shaded effects in
full, delicate tints of blue, green, rose,
cream, pearl, and pure white.
White dresses of every description,
including Swiss, French, nainsook, jac-
onet, lawn, organdie, dotted and
sprigged Swiss and Indian null mus
Inns, and white chuddahs, pongees,
nuns yelling, cashmere, and French and
American bunting are worn to excess at
all hours Of the day, while white surah,
satin and damasse, with tulle and Grape
lisse and white Spanish lace, are re-
served for full evening toilets and bridal
occasions.
Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1881-08-18
WISE WORDS.

Gaming is the child of avarice, but
the parent of prodigality.
Applause is the spur of noble minds,
the end and aim Of weak ones.
We cannot think too highly Of our
nature, nor too humbly Of ourselves.
Act well at the moment, and you have
performed good action to all eternity.
True benevolence is to love all men.
Recompense injury with justice, and un-
kindliness with kindness.
Flowers sweeten the air, rejoice the
air, link us with nature end innocence,
and are something to love.
The firmest friends have been formed
in mutual adversity, as iron is most
str6ngly united by the fercest fame.
This above ALTO thine own self be tfu5;
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Shakespeare
1t is by what we ourselves have done
and not what others have done for us
that we shall be remembered Francis
Wdyldnd.
To pronounce a man happy merely
because he is rich, is just as absurd as to
pronounce aman healthy because he has
enough to eat.
Right habit is like the thread on which
we string precious pearls. The thread
perhaps is ofno great value, but, if it be
broken, the pearls are lost.
We're we as eloquent as angels, yet
should we please some men, some
women, and some children much more
by listening than by talking.
Wherever the slanderer is found,
there humanity is arrayed against itself,
and there the honey and balm of life
are turned to gall and nettles.
If you would not be forgotten as soon
as you are dead, either write things
worth reading or do things worth
writing. .-Benjdnli,s Franklin.
A firm faith is the best divinity;
good life is the best philosophy; clear
conscience is the best law; honesty is
the best policy; and temperament the best
physic.
Usually the greatest boasters are the
smallest workers. The deep rivers pay
larger tribute to the sea than shallow
brooks, and yet empty themselves with
less noise.
Flower in the crannied wall,
pluck you out Of the crannies;
Hold you here, root and all, in my hand
Little fower-but if could understand
What you are, root and all, and all in all,
l should know what God and man is.
-Tennyson.
Be careful that you do not commend
yourselves. It is a sign that your repu-
tation is small and sinking if your own
tongue must praise you; and it is full
some and unpleasing to others to hear
such commendations. Speak well Of
the absent whenever you have suitable
opportunity. Never speak i'll of them
or anybody, unless you are sure they de-
serve it, and unless it is necessary for
their amendment or for the safety and
benefit Of others.-.Ss,. lfatthesD Hale.
Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1881-08-18

log fastened to the rope, and when they
strike they toss the log over, and get
out of the way as fast as they can, and
when the fish is all played out they tow
him in. The one I saw had about five
boats around him. As soon as it was
struck it made rush and went clean
through one, and cut at the pieces right
and left. The men managed to get
away and so did the fish. l saw the
boat on the beach afterward, and some
of the places had been cut through as
slick as if it had been done with knife
"Do they catch fish in that way p
Yes; have often seen a swordfsh
rush into school of menhaden. They
swing the sword right and left, up and
down, darting where the fish are the
thickest, and you can actually follow
them by the trail of blood and halves
of fishes. When they have killed
enough they sink, and pick up the
pieces as they sink. They're great
jumpers. I've seen one clear ten feet
into the air, and thrash around as Ii
crazy, dart off on the surface and turn
over, all on account of little parasite
that bores into the skin and drives them
almost crazy. In the South sea the
people use the bills as swords, fixing
some kind of handle on them, and in
some of the large ones, where the sword
is of great length, they are welded by
both hands, and form terrible weapons
in the hands Of a large man, who could
bring down two or three persons at a
blow.
"Sawfsh and swordfish never seem to
get along together" continued the skip
per. II was coming out of Chesapeake
bay once, drifting along about five miles
to the southland Of Cape Charles, it
being dead calm, when all at once we
saw a great splashing around about
thirty yards astern. I went aloft and
saw sawfsh and swordfish fighting
like mad. The sawfsh's best chance
was to keep in close quarters, and the
way he pounoed that swordfsh was a
caution. The saw would swing 80 fast
you couldn't see it, and then the fish
would back off as if he was trying to
tear the other. The swordash hacked
away at the same time, but the skin of
the other was too thick, and so they had
it, now out Of water and now in, for
about ten minutes. AL hands were
watching in the rigging, but all at once
heswordfish made of, leaving the other
lashing away as if blind with rage. 1t
wasn't second hardly before big fin
was seen ten feet off, and like shot the
swordfish had struck the other and
iammed his sword clean through him.
They both rose in the air with the eshock,
and then the struggle commenced again.
The swordfsh was fast and couldn't
haul out, and the other was half dead,
so right here we took hand, lowered
boat and harpooned them both, rigged
a tackle and got them aboard. The
sword had broken the backbone Of the
other fish. and it was SO wedged in that
they would both have been gobbled up
by the first shark that came along"
Here some one hailed the skipper
with the information that the tide was
on the sbb, and we parted company
Neso York Sun.
Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1881-08-18
ODDITIES.

The Chinese written language con
sists Of one hundred Thousand char
acters.
All the natives OF high northern lati-
tudes are short, measuring little more
than four feet.
Let him who regrets the loss OF time
make proper use Of that which ls 50
come in the future.
The Druids gathered their sacred
mistletoe with q gold knife sEhen the
moon was six days old. P-
In domestic animals, such as the
horse and COW, the coat is Of some
what lighter color in winter than in
summer.
The guanaco of Patagonia is de-
scribed as having the head Of camel.
the body OF a deer, wool Of d sheep and
neigh of horse.
Leland mentions feast given in the
reign Of Edward ~, at which 1000
sheep, 1000 geese, 1000 pigs and
5000 custards were consumed.
1t is asserted by Sir Gardiner Wilkin-
son that Egyptian mummies have been
discovered with teeth stopped with
gold. There is nothing new under the
sun.
An auks egg was sold in London not
long ago for $500; only fifty of these
eggs are known to be in existence, but
the tabled roc's egg could scarcely
command a higher price il offered for
sale.
The objection to horses with white
feet, though mostly considered q mere
caprice, is reasonable enough, for white
hoofs are more brittle than black ones
and are much more liable to break and
contract than those Of dark color.
In some countries, especially ID the
East, obesity is considered beauty,
and Tunisian young ladies are fattened
before marriage. Roman matrons, on
the contrary, used to starve their
daughters before the ceremony, to give
them leanness.
There are few printing offices SO ele-
vated as that Of the Brothers Benzger.
at Einsleden, Switzerland, village on
mountain plain, more than 1900 feet
above the level OF the sea, and at the
foot Of the far-famed Mieten. All
kinds are printed there, and as the
place is one Of the four most famous re-
sorts Of pilgrimage In the world, all the
work done at Benziger's is in some way
connected with the character Of the
place, and great trade is done in pic
lures of the saints executed in chrome
lithography.
Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1881-08-18
Skid,s Kicking Machine.

The facts were these: Mr.. Skid's
neighbor kept a goat, and that goat had
often got at Mr.. Skid and butted him
two rods, end over end, and he hated
the goat profusely. But the neighbor
wouldn't keep the goat shut up, and so
Skid invented machine to slay the
goat 1t was in the form Of man
bending down to pick up hat, but in
the body was spring of tremendous
power. From the hip pocket Of the
figure waved red handkerchief that
was targeted to draw the goat. When
he butted it the spring would fly and
throw the goat big distance. The
machine was gotten up in very elabo-
rate style and looked just like man.
1t was perfect enough to deceive any
goat, and it cost Mr.. Skid seventy-five
dollars. But he didn't begrudge the
money so long as it fetched the goat.
And he took the machine and put it
out in his front yard where the goat
would see it, and then retired to his
house and waited to see the fun. He
waited about two hours. and then his
on came in and told him the goat had
swallowed an old hoopskirt the night
before and it had got tangled in his
bowels and slain him. And, of course,
Skid was terribly mad. But the ma
chine was not wholly wasted, for the
boy took it and put it outside Of q circus
tent so it looked like man just start
ing to crawl under, and a stalwart circus
man ran up and kicked the thing and
was picked up twenty feet away, and
when he got over his surprise he said
he'd give the man a season ticket
if he'd tell how he did it, as he'd
like to work the same racket on the old
man Of the girl he was courting. But
the machine couldn't be found, the boy
having, in the excitement, taken il