South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-07-29


heard on the first floor. Fond moth
er-"What is the matter with Billy p
Colored servant-'Please mum, he's
cryin' about jewsberries. Fond mo.
ther-'He can't have any more he
had four saucerfnls already.'-sDem
is de berry ones he's howlin' about.
He's all swelled up
Bridget being told to put little
nutmeg in the rice pudding, picked
out the smallest one in the box and
threw it in.
How Johnny described it: "How
did you find your uncle Johnny" "In
apple pie order" "How's that 2"
"Crusty."
While one hymn-book is good c.
nough for lovers, it takes two to sup
| ly them with music after they are
married.
1t was III the smoking room of an
Atlantic steamer that worthy Teu-
ton was talking about weather fore.
casts. Look here said he, Il dell
you vot it is. You peter don't dake
no shtock in dem weather Predictions
Dose people don't know nodding.
Dey can't dell no peter as / cam
But my, dear sir said q person pres
ent 'they foretold the storm which we
Lave just encountered 'Vell, dot ish
So said the Teuton, contemplatively;
but / dell you vot it is, dot shtorm
would have come yust the same
If it had not been bredicted.'
a REAL MAN.-Some time ago
never mind where-two sprigbtly and
beautiful young ladies were visiting
their cousin, another sprightly and
beautiful young lady, who, like her
guests, was of that happy age that
turns everything into fun. All three
were fond of practical jokes, and were
constantly playing all sorts of pranks
with each other. All three occupied
room on the ground floor.
Two of the young ladies attended a
party on q certain fatal night, and
did not get home until balfpast eleven
O'Clock. AS it was late, they conclu-
ded not to disturb the HOUSEHOLD, so
they quietly stepped into their room
through the low, open window.
But it seems that about half an
hour after they had left for the party,
young Methodist minister called at
the house whe re they were staying,
and craved nights lodging, which
OF course was granted. As ministers
always have the best of everything,
the old lady put him to sleep in the
best room, and the young lady Gam
nie) who had not gone to theparty was
interested with the duty of sitting up
for the absent ones, and of informing
them OF the change of rooms. She
took up her post iii the parlor But
alas sleep overcame her, and she
departed on an excursion to the land
Of dreams.
We will now return to the young
ladies who had gone to their room
through the window BY the dim
light of the moonbeams, as they strug-
gled through the curtains, the young
ladies were enabled to descry the out
lines of Fannie Gas they supposcd) en-
sconced in the middle OF the bed
They saw more-a pair Of masculine
boots. The truth flashed upon them
at once. They saw it all. Fannie
had set the boots in the room to give
them n good scare.
They put their heads together and
determined to turn the tables on her.
Silently they disrobed, and stealthily
rs cats they took up their positions on
each side of the bed. At given sig
nal they both jumped into the bed,
one on each side of the unconscious
parson, laughing and screaming, ooh,
what mani Oh, what a man p
They gave the poor, bewildored par
son such q promiscuons hUgging and
tusseling as few parsons are able to
brag of.
The roise of the proceedings awoke
the old lady, who was sleeping in an
adjoining room. She comprehended
the situation in q moment, and rush
ing to the room, she opened the door
and exclaimed
Gracious sakes, gals, it is q man
it is a man, sure enoughr
There was one prolonged, consolie
dated scream, flash of muslin
through the door, and all was over
The best of the joke is that the min
ister took the whole thing in earnest
He would listen to no apologies the
old lady would make for the girls
He would hear no excuse, but solemn
ly folded his official robes about him,
and silently stole away. Query-who
was he mad at !-Argonaut.
Health IS wealth., says a patent
medicine advertiser. You are wrong
respected sir. If health was more