The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-06-24

Doc tors live by pIIlAge.

| Doctors live by pillAge.
The dog for a surgeon-A setter.
Undressed kinds-boys In bathing.
a spring opening-Pa's pocket
book.
A dry sutject-An Egyptian mum
my.
Portland girls require long shoe
Strings.
Nothing puts OIL so many airs as
the wind.
Never look gift chestnut in the
worm-hoie.
Noah never enjoyed the use Of a
bootjack.
The motto Of the girafre-Neck or
nothing.
Jams are usually put up In jar;
jim jams In bottles.
Jonos calls his poetry Virtue, I,e-
cause 1t Is its own reward.
The girl whose mother made her
laugh, exclaimed "O-ma-ba -
Some of the country school-boyr
call the school-houses tanneries.
Why Is the world like piano ?
Because it Is full Of sharps and fats.
Why IS a slde-saddIe like four
quart measure Becacause ii holds a
gallon.
"VolumInOsity" and 0sfunipoienf'
are two newly coined English words.
Supreme Court--Paying attention
to twO pretty women at the same
time
1881 does not resemble two lovers
because there l. one at each end.
Death loves shining mark, ''said
the dying tramp, as he pointed 10 his
nose.
Founded on the rocks-The moth
ers are Of the child when ii Is In the
cradle.
a youth wanted TO make raise
and very appropriately stole pair
Of razors.
Doctors say That one may have
fullness OF the stomach and yet have
an empty one.
II Is very little use for a fellow 70
make love TO the fair sex with the
gout in his right arm
4 Boston man has recently had
his tongue amputated, but can talk
nearly as well as ever.
Two Wisconsin editors have been
pulling each others noses. We cuE
slider it tweak business.
A man don't have TO be on spFee
q great while before he begins 10
ssshake for the drinks
The favorite dance Of the fruit pre-
server Is the ssean-can- The anglers
favorite dance is the reel.
A Kentucky man says Ehert =
volcano under his Eafm. lie en-
now raise baked potatoes.
New reading by the PhiIadelphfa
Lefger When singleness is bliss it
is folly to he wives"
"Up and add 'em ~ as the school
teacher said To the boy who was
sleeping over his examples.
That was bright little child Who.
inquired 'fNa, when cows die do
they go to the milky way %"
A great many pious people resem-
BILE the old cathedrals in one particu-
lar, viz their dim religious lighi.
A smart little boy being asked =
give the name of an article of utilikg
replied aan umbrella at picnic"
It was a young aesthetic from Bos-
ton, who on first seeing Niagara sad.
"What beautiful bang! 20
atThis is what / like" said the
tramp, s'goed country board, . as be
lald himself down on the floor of the
barn.
1t Is called a poke bonnet, because
il is necessary for young man TO poke
his face under it 10 kiss the wearer.
Isn't there a seeming incongru0ns-
ness in describing total ahstinence
lecturer as at work in moral vine
yard
The Boston Commercial Bulletin sags
that electricity in Franklin's day
was a wonder, but now we make
light of it.
The publisher OF a new paper has
, called it "Petpetual Molinn," in tho
, hope that his subscribers Will never
stop it.
A dentist moved out and barker
moved in. The new occupant did
not take down the sign, "Gds aGimiiI-
istered here"
) A conundrum fiend siys that Aa.
hone of Virginia is like lhe
leaning tower of Pisa, because his
: celebrity is entirely due 10 his crook
edness.
New ORLEANS Times, on the decora-
a tion of graves of the blue and and the
gray: This was not the first time