Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-06-16
The Sturv Teller.
MY WIFE'S COUSIN.

Some time ago, / called on cousin Of my
wife who resided in the city of Philadelphia.
had not seen him for long time. but hav-
ing understood that he was in affiuent cir
cumstances, | was but little prepared for the
condition in which l found him. Through
information derived from Philadelphia di
rectory went to one of those alleys with
which that city abounds, and found his name
on a sign.board, associated with that of an.
other man, over dark and dipgy shop. The
sign purported that they were locksmiths and
bell hangers also that locks were repaired
and keys fitted. Without ceremony | walk
ed into the gloomy recess, where there was
blacksmith's forge and where among several
muscular looking men up to their armpits Id
work, was "my wife's cousin" He received
me most cordially, and for moment inter
mtted filing huge brass key on which he
-. was engaged, and the shake of my own dex-
ter by one of his broad brawny hands, can
lken to nothing nearer than the shock Of
young earthquake.
take a seat, take seat" he observed,
"and Just as soon as finish this key, we'll
make tracks for home.
of course replied that was in no hurry,
and at once became interested in the facile
manner in which he was metamorphosing a
rough casting into polished key. AS soon
as it was completed, he washed the worst Of
the dirt from his hands, hung up his work
apron, and then putting on his coat and hat,
remarked in cheerful tone, "Come now,
Cousin Aleck, let's 60 and see whether wife
has got any tea for u.s.
After we were in the street, our converse
tion insensibly ran on business, and | took
occasion to say to him that I had been of
the opinion that he had retired from bis
trade on a handsome competency. "Don't
say word about retirement" he replied,
cit nearly makes me sick to think of 1t.
People talk of retiring from business while
they are healthy and able to work; why, |
tell you, Aleck, they don't know what it
means. didn't know what it meant until
l tried it, but now retirement and misery
sound, to my ears, like words of about the
same meaning"
Perceiving that he had struck a subject
on which he could easily be communicative,
l looked inquiringly, when he rejoined, "Per'
haps you never heard the particulars OF my
retiring?"
On my replying that I had not, he pro.
ceeded. "You see, Aleck, it is about three
years ago, that having as you would say,
competency, l made up my mind to stop
work, and move into the country. So | sold
out my share of the business to my partner,
spent year or more in looking at two or
three score of country places, and at last
found one that wife and myself were consid-
erably pleased with Fine double house.
four acres beautifully shaded, vegetable gar
den not to be beat, and soil of superior
quality The place is still in my possession
but before would 60 and live on it again,
I'd give it away; yes, Aleck, I'd see it sunk
into the middle Of the Dead Sea. But ain
getting little ahead of my story. For two
or three months, matters aud things went on
very well, because l had something to at
tend to in making few little improvements
about the house, and in furnishing number
of the doors with locks of my own nven-
tion but as the whole premises were in ex-
cellent repair when l bought them, 1 soon
came to point where there was nothing to
look after but the cultivation Of the garden.
l was not long though in making the discov-
cry that had no genius or taste either for
digging around roots, or pulling up weeds,
and so as wife didn't wish the garden to run
to waste, employed regular English gar.
dcner to carry the thing handsomely through.
"Well, l don't mind the expense he put
me to in the way Of guano, new tangled gar
dening tools and patent watering apparatus ;
for had fully expected to spend money,
and thanks to our previous economy, we had
' the money to spend but Aleck, it was re-
ally amusing to see what the fruit and vege
tables raised from our garden stood US in.
Making use of the little arithmetic | was
master of, | recollect that | ciphered up the
cost of some of the table fxios, and che re-
green peas, dollar and three quarters for a
half peck currants, fifty cents quart
raspberries, thirty cents pint; beets, four
teen cents each, and everything else in pro
portion. All this | cared nothing about
but somehow felt out of my gearing in moi
having the right kind Of employment. Wife
did her best to coax me into gentlemanly
ways; had the old mechanical CRIME al
thoroughly scrubbed out of my hands-hn
ger nails cleaned out and rounded-so as tc
make it appear that had never done mauua
labor
"Then we must get behind couple O
Morgan ponies which | had purchased, ant
make fashionable calls in the day time OF
those who had called on US and wife want
ed me to soften down my VOICE and to b'
particular about my grammar and the sub
jects talked on but sometimes forgetting
myself | would revel in the proud memor.
of the locks and keys had handled in hap
pier days and commence a history of my ex
ploits in that line, when my wife would lool
as though she was going to sink through th'
floor. In fact she wished to keep perpetua
lock on my lips, $50 far as our antecedent
were concerned) with the key in her pocket
But sighed for the shop, and time hung 81