Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-04-01
Hawk yetems.

convalescence for the lecture business.
Now is the winter of our discomfort
become glorious reality! Elmira
Advertiser.
The Bnff.lo NerS believes the best
method of getting the cents Of meet
ing is to pass around the lat.
King Kalskara is passionately fond Of
American balls. Likes to dance and
get drunk and one thing and another.
So many trout have been frozen this
winter. the four pound fisherman won't
have any thing to lie about next SUM-
mer.
Washington is grooming, not over
the absence of great men. of intelligent
giants, of rich men. but Of dancing
men.
When New York citizen falls down
Oh the pavement and fractures his skull
the police at once take him to the sta
| ton rs common drunk.
Washington had SO many body ser
wants people are beginning TO wonder
il that wasn't what killed him. He
never seemed to take any thing fer
them.
Sliding down hill is called coasting,
probably because there are 80 many
buoys engaged in it. And girls too,
for that matter. And, consequently, a
great many smacks.
A prominent lumber man in Burling-
ton has had hie coat OF arms painted Oh
the panels of his carriage, With the
Latin motto ''Vidi.' Which by inter
probation is " saw"
"Improve the evenings" says an ex-
change, and the Norristown Herald
adds ihpt it is needed, tor some even
ings this winter have not been fit to be
recognized by decent people.
Congress improves bad rivers by
damning them. Now, then, Colonel
Ingersoll, try your theology on that
syste m, will you? Isn't that at oncr
modern, scientific, useful and orthodox ?
New Orleans is going to have til.
MarLi Gras next month. This is not g.
fatal as the yellow fever. but it is great
deal more expensive, and it makes your
head feel heap worse the next morn
ing.
The oyster men are telling us that
the oysters are all frozen to death.
Well, nobody Cares now. There's
only March and April left, any how.
Let 'em freeze. They'll keep better
through the summer.
Ashmead and the baroness arc just as
happy as two sucking doves. Aunt
writes US that he calls her " Burdie.
and she keeps her new teeth in his
shaving mug. Bless the dear old girl !;
she always was giddy thing.
Matches may be made in heaven, but
the manufacturers in the United States
are just about organizing monopoly
Of the business that is going to leave
the celestial factory clear out in the
dark, so far as dividends are concerned.
A young lady, recently married, read
Mother Symptoms prophecy for the
first time the other day. Just my
luck" she exclaimed, throwing down
the paper. Here am newly married,
and now the worlds coming to an end!
Somebody quotes: When a man be-
gins to &c down hill he finds every.
thing creased for the occasion, says b
philosopher. and the Philadelphia
Ntaos thinks he might have added that
when he tries to climb up he fiads
everything creased for the occasion,
too.
doctor" said one of our best Dung
@en in society. Doctor. there il
something the matter with my brain;
know there is. What shall J. do about
it?" And the doctor calmly but firml,
said he guessed it needed little exercise
about rs much as anything else. And
now the best young man goes around
saying the doctor is fool.
They say the Egyptian obelisk cannot
stand the climate of New York. Tha,
is rather singular. We knew, of course,
that nothing alive could stand it, bu'
We really uidn't suppose granite
block could be seriously affected by it
We are now prepared to believe thai
the bropzs deg with the Indian hunter.
in Central Park, has the fever n ageI
five months i'll the year.
II De Lesseps wants to do something
really sublime and nearly impossible
and perfectly startling ir engineering
let him come over here and underline
TO carry out some of the Improvement
clauses in the River and Harbor bill,
BY the time he could make some of the
sand creeks in that bill navigabls for
scows. tho Panama canal would be
erowed up into marine perfection, by
itself.
A night school has been opened il
New York for the parpose of instruct
ing lntaliau counts in the Italian
language. Some knowledge Of Italian
has become necessity in their case, at
American girls Of our best families are
becoming tired of marrying Iralian
counts, who can speak nothing bat
English, and speak that with the uu
mistakable accent Of land Lacquer or Il
landwehr sergeant.
A New York firm sends US II donb!e
column "ad." for new etenograpbic
pen, for the insertion Of whoa in the
daily for three weeks, the firm agrees
to send us pen. M, thank you. We
had one antoslaphlc pen. Just sold 1t
to druggist for a soda fountain. If
sue let's down soda as fast as che die
the ink, some man will be drowned at
that fountain before the middle Of June,
and don't you forget it.
"Do you like my new bracelets
George 2 asked Julia, holding up her