The Pickens sentinel. [volume] (Pickens, S.C.) 1871-1903, 1881-04-21
HUMORS OF THE DAT.


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A BLACK subject--the coal question.
WHAT burns to keep secret ?-seaI-
ing-wax.
ELECTRIC belles-female telegraph
operators.
The spot for husbands with scoldinp
wives-Shrews-b bury.
WHEN would q volunteer corps most
need o cook? When they have got O
range.
EVEN dumb animals exhibit attach
ment. The horse is always attached to
the vehicle which he draws.
AN old farmer on being informed that
one OF his neighbors owed him q grudge,
growled out: "No matter, he never
pays anything"
/ A PAPER, in giving an account of
shooting atfray, says the wounded man is
expected to recover, rs the pistoI-ball
lodged in his "dinner-pail."
A STEAMBOAT captain, in advertising
Tor an excursion, closes thus: Tickets
twenty-five cents; children half price, to
bc had at the captains Office.
- EMPTY is the Cradle, Baby's Gone"
is the title of the latest serio-idiotio
song. 1t will probably be followed by
Il
''PUT upon my tombstone" said the
dying man, can cpitaph stating that I
was u scoundrel thief, and brute. Then
people will think I was good man.
Epitaphs always lie So"
" believe the jury havo been inocu-
lated for stupidity" said testy lawyer.
| "Ihat may be-" replied his opponent,
"but the bar and the court are of tho
| opinion that you had it in the natural
way"
LIEUTENANT COMMANDER GoRRINaE
says the obelisk will endure in our
climate for 8,640 years We advise our
readers to remember this. They may
get the laugh on Gorringe in the yeas
| 10,44O.
ARE you a good rider?" asked liv.
cry man. 81 am, replied tho customer.
| and just then the horse snorted, stood on
its hands, came down and bucked. And
| the customer went on, from his high seat
in the haymow: "See how easily I get
| off,
''To what degree" asks an inquiring
friend OF Mr.. Beecher, "may person at
the present day be ignorant without
being guilty?" "That depends on td
person." replies Henry Ward; "somu
people are born with genius for ignor-
ance."
| HER lips were like tho leaves he said
| BY Autumn's crimson tinted
rs Somo ,,ro.Iiep people AZ autumn mr. leaves preserve
The meaning OF the gentle hint
The lover did discern,
And so lie clasped her round the neck,
And glued his lips to her'n.
A LITTLE five-year-old boy astonished
his mother one day by urging her to see
II his chin whiskcrs had not commenced
to sprout. Another, standing before her
and looking up into her face, inquired,
MA, what's the reason 7 amt man
now? I've got jack-lknife and pocket
book"
! 81 SHOULD like to know" said little
Allie, after church one Sabbath, "what
, makes the minister say what he does
always when he reads hymn" "What
does he say?" asked mamma. "Why,
he always says short Peter or long
Peter or some other kind of Peter,
when there isn't word about Peter in
the whole hymn -
| Proud bird OF the barnyard blithesome and free
| murderous bludgeon is lowering DER thee
| heet-iooed urchin, hard-hearted !:ab,
| VIII hit you rap with more'n stuffed club.
Make the most of thy time, for thouIt be
| caught
And thine own precious head to the block'n be
Then gobbe and gobblel and gobble away,
| Thysef will be gobbed at no distant day.
| rest to thy soul and peace to thy ashes
| dinner thou'lt make and cheap sundry hashes;
breakfast, perhaps, and a light supper too,
| And then be dissolved in n thin, carcass stew
A YOUNG lady at an evening party
found it oprOpOs to use the expression,
"Jordan is hard road to travel" but,
thinking that to be vulgar, substituted
the following: "Perambulating progress
sion in pedestrian excursion along the
far-famcd thoroughfare of fortune cast
up by the banks of the sparkling river Of
Palestine, is, indeed, attended with
heterogeneous conglomeration of un-
forseen difficulties.
AT lecture, the lecturer had occasion
to speak Of the style the Turks have of
shaving tho head all but tuft on top,
which, he said, was probably left to as
sist the resurrection angel in bringing
them up ut the last day. Johnnie looked
up at the smooth, shiny head of his
father, and then whispered to his mother:
"Pap won't have any kind of chance,
will he?"
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