The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-07-09
Let No Fat Man Escape.

Fat? You bet he was! And he was
one of those cautious men who wear
their winter flannels and socks up to
the first of June for fear of cold waves
and rheumatic twinges. 1t grew hotter
and hotter as he came down Grand
River Avenue, and he finally slid under
the awning of saloon and dropped
down on the head of an empty beer-keg
and groaned out:
LANDS alive! but she's more than
bling! Seems to me that I've COM
menced to melt!'
He hadn't got the perspiration wiped
off one whole ear yet when tall, lean
man came along from the other way and
also halted. Not drop of moisture
could be seen on his face, and his hair
was as dry as clothes-line.
81 presume, SIR" he began, "that
you find this heat uncomfortable? '
"Great snakes! but Pm roasted"
groaned the other.
d" Nevertheless, l desire to make you
an address on the subject of the wealth.
er. The seasons are divided into four.
We will first take the winter season."
ooh! l don't want to hear anything
about the weather. l want to cool off
and get home.''
Nevertheless, the winter season in
cludes December, January and Febru-
ary," continued the lean man, as he
walked up and down. EDO you know
why we have cold weather in the winter
and warm weather in the SUMMER"
"Say, let me alone, won't you? /
came within an inch of being sunstruck.
"Spring is the next season, and some
times it is wonderful how closely it fol-
lows winter, and then again it is Won
derful how it hangs off until fall. Spring
is supposed to include March, April,
May and several billiards and freshets."
Say, won't stand it, If you don't
move on I'll injure you for life!"
"We now come to the third season."
observed the lean man, as he folded his
hands behind his back. "The third
season is called summer, and includes
the months of June, July and August.
June was named after old Juneberry, a
Greek orator who contended -"
"Will you move on!" yelled the fat
man, as he pushed his handkerchief
down the back of his neck.
"I will not" was the calm reply.
"June was named after old Juneberry,
"Who the dickens cares!"
Gall of us. Old Juneberry commended
that the sun was composed of -"
The fat man tried to get up, but little
creeks of perspiration ran down his
back, one of his suspenders broke short
off, and he fell back and yelled "po-
lice! in a voice so husky that he seemed
to have peachstone in his throat.
Three or four men came out of the sa-
loon, and he pointed to the lean man
and gasped out:
Five dollars to the man that mashes
him!"
Sand we now come to the fourth sea-
son." coolly remarked the lean man, as
he walked slowly away, (which in
cludes September, October and Novem-
Der, and in leaving this for another field
of labor want to say to you, old fatty,
that I'll lay for you from now until the
end of dog-days but what you shall hear
the remainder of my address and old
Juneberry's reasons for believing that
the sun was composed of scraps and
ends of lightning which had drifted into
a sort of aerial whirlpool. You may
sweat and blow and call for the police,
but I'll trail you to the bitter end, and
don't you forget itP"
And he walked briskly away under
the hot sun just as the fat man was go
ing to raise the reward for smashing
him to S5O-Detr0t Free Press.