The silver state. [volume] (Unionville, Nev.) 1870-1903, 1881-02-01
THE SILVER STATE.
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\ MEDICAL WARDROBE.
Elder Mossback's Experience in Sur
burban Drugstore.


.e from the New Haven Register1
Elder Mossback hobbled into drug
store the other day, and leaning wearl-
.y on the showcase, TREMENDOUSLY inquir-
ed: .
"Have yoa got anything for an old
man that's all broke up?'
"Why, certainly" replied the drug
clerk, as he adjusted his neoktie by the
aid of a hand mirror iu the case; 'step
right into the back room and I'll fix
you out"
The Elder steadied himself on his
two canes and struggled into the inner
sanctnm of boxes, bottles and packing
straw.
you've got bad cough, l see, "
said the clerk.
"Kaha, ksha, kahack; yes, kaha, I'm
used-pg ~san. kaha, kahack-"
Nov, what you want is little alb
sorption cure It's all the rage, and is
doing wonders. Lots of folks with cue
foot in the grave have been cured by It.
A lung pad is what's needed. Take off
Your coat and vest, and let me fit you
one.
The Elder, after few minutes, dis
robed himself, and at the suggestion OF
the clerk, "peeled down to the buff
in order that ''perfect fit might be in
sured."
'Is one pad enough for such a bad
cough, dye think? Hadn't ought to
have one for each lung?'
''To be sure, they come rights and
lefts. There; that ends your cough
ing's far's this worlds concerned, and
besides the pads are very becoming to
a man of your complexion. You've
got an awful bilious eye. Let me fit
couple OF liver.pads to you while you've
got your clothes off"
"Ye-es; but I've only got one liver.
don't need two liver pads, do II"
"Only one liver! Nonsense. No man
could be as bilious as you short OF two
lvers I'll bet you the price of the pads
that you've got two good, big livers,
and that's half what ails you"
"Well, you are an uncommon intel
Ggent young man. Kaha. kahack.
"But you must stop that coughing
You've got on lung pads, remember.
These liver pads improve your appear
ance, aud they'll absorb at least one of
your livers in less than two weeks. All.
here's place right here for stomach
pad. There; you look dressy enough;
they'll take you for the five-spot o
hearts.
isn't this little too much pad for
one day? Amt they tritle expensive"
"Oh, never mind the expense. I'm
going to fit you upfor an advertisement,
and have your photograph in pad Co.'S
tune in the papers.
"Hc he, but you're an extraordinary
young man. kaha, kaha, kahack.
Amt you going to stop that cough!
Oh, see. Cold chills creeping down
your back. Pads all in front, so far.
Let's see. It'll take three of the larg-
est size on back s big as your'n. There.
Now, with double back action heart
pad dropped right between your shout
der-blades, you're finished. "
"Ye-es, feel sort o finished already"
"Dont 60 to finding fault yet; |
haven't got through with you. l ia-
tend to fill up the chinks and bare
places of skin with strips of porous
plaster in cardinal red, and you'll look
like grand symphony in color just
frescoed by Whistler, and then I'll
hang a'few magnetic DISCS around, ar
tistic-like, for jewelry, and your wife
won't know you.
And he did When the elder re-
ruined his clothing his shirt fitted him
''too quick" He couldn't button his
vest around him, and he looked as If
he had gained an inch on rib. But
his photograph will soon appear in the
paper.