The Evening critic., 1881-11-12

leads the suicides to the cemeteries. They |
formerly selected hotels parks, and other
pleasure grounds for their very disagrceable |
performances.
QUEEN VICTORIA has surpassed her an
cestress, the great Elizabeth, at least in one
way-she has been longer in the business. |
In length Of days, if not in glory, the pres
ent reign equaled that of Queen Bess upon
October % of the present year.
THE GERMANS ARE beginning to think |
that "the watch on the Rhine is going too
slow. 1t has kept the time long enough |
and something is needed of more universal
application. Perhaps "My Grandfather's
Clock" would be better up to time.
HELL's HALF ACRE is boiling over with
u perfect hell's broth of stones and steam
that shoots into the air to the height of ono
hundred feet and makes the whole vicinity
tremble. In other words, the boiling spring
of the Yellowstone has seen fit to transform
its placid waters into an active geyser.
THE RECKLEssNEss of custom was shown
by dynamite agent in Australia. He took
n package with him to breakfast, and laid
it down by his chair. 1t exploded, dismem-
bering him into unrecognizable fragments,
bursting the hotel to tatters and burning
the landlady black, though without other
wise seriously injuring her.
--4-
IT SEEMS to be about n stand-off between
the Readjusters and Funders in Virginia.
In the words of our esteemed friend Toodles,
it is against the interest of the first to pay
the principal, and against the principle of
the second to pay the interest. Bondhold-
ers located anywhere between these two
stools may look out for n fall.
"sALAMANDER " has been chosen as
the name of drink, probably because that
lively reptile is always dry. More properly
this term belongs to the custom by which
party of beer drinkers begin by keeping
time in tapping their glasses upon the
table, increasing the noise in graduated
scale, and ending at the close by bringing
them down with fearful crash.
The BARD OF WALLINGFoRD, Conn,
sold 1000 copies of his poem on the hang
ing of Michael Early for five cents each.
Flushed with the triumph, he damped his
laurels in liquor, and was accordingly fined
the entire cost ofthe spree reaching $50. 1t is
proposed to class him with the unfortunate
sons of the Tyre, but how few of them have
ever been able to make a big drunk" and
a double eagle out of ono poem.
To SET UP VENICE high and dry, fill up
the canals, Danish the gay gondoliers, and
substitute the non-poetic steamboat is quite
too much. The march of improvement
ought to pause somewhere, and Venice and
her watery ways seem to be the place where
it might be swamped. Lord Byron, Mr..
Ruskn and all the stones of Venice should
rise in indignation against the shocking
proposal that the" sea Cybclc, fresh from
the ocean," should dry up.
THE ONLY real sanguinary engagement
of late years is the one now wagng between
Voorhees, and Watterson on the formers
apostacy to protective doctrines. Having
pen, paper and press at his command, Henri
is taunting Daniel with the license of ink,
and reading him, hook and line, out of the
party.
"The ISSUE" says Watterson, " is organic
and irreconcilable, and, in contending for
the right, we shall ask no quarter and shall
give none. We will have no DISCUSSES. We
spit upon compromises. A tariff for revenue,
and only for revenue, is to the informed
revenue reformer automatic, and expresses
the uttermost length he is willing to 90 in
the direction of incidental protection.
There he stands and there he fights, and he
would not go around the corner to elect q
Democratic dog-pelter, still less Demo-
cratic President, committed to less. As for
ourselves, we would not vote for our nearest
friend for our next of kin, who should
chatter the balderdash and propose the in.
!. iquity concealed under that rascally and
fraudulent phrase the protection of home
industries | is lie out of whole cloth
1t is a rogue's device to cheat the people
As the catch-cry of an economic principle
it was obsolete long ago. Its only use now
is to mislead the careless and hood-winI
the ignorant in order that oligarchs may
fatten while honest men starve."
So far as reported, the industries o
Kentucky consist of whisky, bluegrass ant
fast nags, with an occasional squirt in tn
direction of tobacco. 1t is not apparen
that foreign materials enter largely int
any one of these manufactures, and hcnc
the independent attitude of Henri will bC
appreciated by his constituents and seei
through by people in other parts of tn
country.
This whole cross.fre is becoming childisl
snd monotonous to men of sense. Localitie
tina. produce nothing which foreign com
petitio. can touch, assemble and pledp
the unitu States to free trade; and tn
bloated molpolists of Pennsylvania, e,
with the robbc.es of half century, gathe
in convention an,pIedge the entire countr,
to protection In buh cases it is the thre
tailors of Tooley stree. making n platform
for the people of Eng'ad. Both thes
factions have mutual intert4s and rights
Let select convention, con, h,osod oe al
elements propose reforms, for ,noross wiI
otherwise keep padding without, rudde
over the sea of doubt for years to co,