Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-11-23
SPICE AND ALLSPlCE.

partly behind the COUNTER" and the
Cleveland Leader asks: "What will be
the result when the door slams?"
A SUBSCRIBER wants to know what an
independent paper is. An independent
paper is one that is afraid that both sides
are going to win.-Morgitto7a State.
A PLEASANTLY attributed to NJ. Theirs:
"When [ was very young [ was so little
so httle-that needed a pole to knock
down the strawberries. lie Figaro.
An advertiser in Texas calls for can
industrious man, as boss hand over five
thousand head of sheep that can speak
Spanish huently.'
SAID the lecturer: "Theroads up these
mountains are too steep and rocky for
even a donkey to climb; therefore [ Gid
not attempt the ascent. Tram
script.
Chow do you keep out Of quarrels ?"
asked one friend of another. ,"Ob, easy
enough" he replied. eff man IS
angry with me, [ let him have all the
quarrel to himself"
"No, MA" said Harlem maiden, ''I
don't like Charley Jones coming every
night. But I don't want to tell him so
yet. He is so fat and heavy that by
placing my autumn leaves on his chair
I'm getting them nicely pressed"
Our barber strongly advises those
who contemplate wedlock, to marry
young, as his tonsorial experience con-
vinces him that those who postpone mar
rage to late period of life are very apt
to have bald-headed babies!
AN editor wrote a head line GA Hor-
rible Blunder," to go over q railroad
accident, but thought it was the printers
fault that it got over the account of a
wedding. The editor was the man
thrasbed all the same.
SINGULAR unanimity: The ear says
he IS ready to meet death whenever it
comes. It may not be out of place ID
this connection to say that death is ready
to meet the czar wherever he goes.-
Boston Transcript.
A PERSON overheard two countrymen,
who were observing a naturalist in the
field collecting insects, say one to the
other, "What's the fellow doing,
John?" "Why, he's a naturalist"
"What's that % "Why, one who
catches gnats, to be sure"
A NORTH CAROLINA man welcomed his
fourth pair of twins with the remark:
CHOW, this is two utterly id two
twoI Profanity and aesthetic culture
won't mix worth a cent, but the poor
man couldn't help it.-Detroit Free
Press.
A BOY il a country school was reading
the following sentence: "The light
house is a Landmark by day and bea-
con by night" and he rendered it thus:
"The lighthouse is landlord by day
and a deacon by night. - Chicago
Tribune.
PLUMBERS have resolved to maintain
their their old prices during the coming
winter. AS heretofore, their services
will be valued at SIS minute, while an
ounce of lead pipe will be worth it's
weight III gold.-Phitadel2ohia CNron-
5cke.
AExCHANGE says an Indianapolis judge
decided that ga druggist may sell
cigars on Sunday, but not a cigar
dealer" And it is wise decision, too.
A druggist should not be permitted to
sell a cigar dealer Oh Sunday or any
other day.
EAT Bordeaux said one, Sc if you let
a match fall to the ground, the next year
there will grow up forest" Sat Mar
seilles,' cried the other triumphantly,
"you let a euspender button fall, and in
eight days you will have pair of panta-
looms ready made. "-Fremch Fana.
"WHEN I die, let me be buried in the
stove, so that my ashes may mingle with
| the CRATE" says the paragrapher of the
Boston Star. In the stove the gentle
mans ashes will scarcely mingle with
the CRATE; the chances are he will gently
simmer as a base burner.-Nsa0 York
| Commercial advertiser.
A POOR rule: elf you want your
hens to increase, keep your hen-house
clean," says northern poultry journal.
No necessity for it down here. Some
enterprisiDg darkey usually cleans out
the hen-house for you, but the number
of hens is not increased, but rather on
the contrary. That rule won't work III
this climate. Teas Sifiings.
A YANKEE aucUloneer lately INDUCED
in the following bit of pathos: "Gen-
tlemen, if my father stood where you do
and didn't buy these boots-these ele-
CANT boots-when they were going for
one dollar, I should feel it my duty, as a
son, to tell both of 'em that they were
false to THEMSELVES and false to their
country"
"FEw people" says writer, "real-
ize what a wonderfully delicate creature
the ear is" It is wonderful organ,
that's fact. Ask man for the loan OF
S10, and the chances are that his ear
won't hear you. Softly whisper, "Come
up and take something" and the ear
manifests an acuteness that is really mar
velous. NOrristOaOn Herald.
THERE has been family jar: " Come,
mother. come" saws the son-in-law TIC