The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-12-30

He was asked If he knew the difference
between "starboard" and port and with
knowing leer replied: HIN, well,
rather and prefer port"
When Yankee in Rome was shown the
petrifed form of one of the early Chris
tian martyrs, he remarked that it was evil
IDENTIFY Saint Gothard.
Large collars and deep capes of lace,
like those in fashion twenty years ago. are
shown in the shops for wearing with high
corsages of velvet or satin.
The young Duke of Portland Is said to
have an income of about $950,000 o year
and his predecessor, the eccentric duke,
left him $7,250,0O0 in cash.
The man who invented parlor croauet
was assassinated by man who thought he
ought to have let up Of tho nuisance when
cold weather came on.
A confectioner in Newark has made sew
eral candy gallowscs, on the base of which
are the words, in white sugar, "Hang Gui-
teau." They are readily sold.
The ladies of Montreal, Canada, have an
association OF their own for introducing
female help from Europe. The Minister of
Agriculture is aiding them.
There are three prominent phases of q
woman's life all visibly connected: As a
baby she's lugged as young woman she's
Rugged; rs n wife she's humbugged.
Not until last week did the trustees OF
Lake View Cemetery, Cleveland, begin
the removal Of the weather beaten funeral
arch erected in honor of President Gar.
field.
Indiana has 1877 mutual benefit marriage
associations, with an average of 220 men,
bers to each. The tenth census can use
these figures to corret its grand total OF
idiots in the Hoosier State.
"Well, tell you, JOSH" said Farmer
Robinson, "Im mighty glad you hitched
on to that city gal; but Pm sorry you re
going to leave the farm to tackle the temp
tations Of business in the city. You may
be worth $4,000 in the morning there and
be $4,000 worse off than nothin before
night. Here you can live in an easy sort
of way and if you can't get your own price
for your vegetables, why, hang 1t all, you
can eat EN-. There's no starvation brink
in farmers life." But these arguments
sufficed not. Josh goes to the city, will be-
come Hon." add" mayor" Mem
Cong" and all that sort of thing. He has
looked the thing up and sees that the city's
best men are from the countrywide
Hauen Register.
While the Portuguese Church Of st. John
the Baptist in Boston was undergoing re-
pairs last September, the workmen found
| q spring ofpure water beneath the build
ing. A well was dug, above it shrine was
erected, and the water was consccrated
The pastor of the church assured his people
that there was no miraculous power or ever
medical virtue in the water, and that i
| any cures had been effected they were sim
ply tho result of faith in God. But tn,
people would not accept the explanation
and the stories of tho remarkable virtue:
of the water spread rapidly. Soon there
was perfect rush of people to the church
and it was found necessary to establish re
strictions in regard to supplying the
coveted fluid. Applicants are now required
to repeat prayers for the souls in purgator,
and to drop cent into the contribution
box, and are supplied with the water il
bottles.
The boundless West is so prolific Of pro
digies that the custom has gradually com,
about of attesting the yarns spun in tina
region by the signatures of prominent citi
zens. The postmaster and two physician
of Forrest, ILL.,, are willing to swear that ;
boy named John Maurer, living near tina
place, fell off the bumpers ofa caboose or
which he was stealing ride last Saturday
knocked out piece of his skull two inches
square, drove several fragments of the bone
not to speak of sand and cinders, in upor
the brain, picked himself up, tied hi
handkerchief about his head, walked mil,
and half to have his injuries attended to
submitted to the insertion of silver plat
in place Of the lost skull, and cheerful.
asked for something to eat. His friend
hope that he will recover and become dis
tinguished road agent.
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