The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-02-23

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When the library door closed behind
the two great men, says the New York
Graphic, the visitor carefully applied his
majestic eye to all the cracks and keyhoies
Then he sat down and opened carpet bag
No. 1. He brought two bags; beth were
full. He draw the huge bundle OF doeu-
ments from bag Me- IL They were label
ed: plans and Propositions for the
Great Coming Administration of Prosper
ity and Success.
General, we must hitch horses and
have a riproaring administration this
time,"
Gardeld-We musti We mustt Shake!
Shall it be rye this timer
Visiters-Ayel Ryel General. you
will stock the white house cellar, won't
you? The reign of cold water goes out on
the 4th, doesn't it2
Garfeld-Tt does, me boy. A cargo of
West India rum is now on its way. I've
already ordered Mrs, HIS cold water pump
to be unserswed from the head of the din.
Visitor-NoW, General, this ia my
schedule for reforms, We must touch the
people. We've been firing over their
heads too long. We must do something
vital-do something they can feel. see.
hear, understand I propose then
l. To reduce ten cant cigars to three
cents. s-e r4sas.
2 Fifteen cent drinks to six.
3, Start governments restaurants saIl
over the land as good as Delmonico's. at
one.third price.
4. Put government in possession of all
the railroads. and sell tickets as we do
postage stamps Garry O man as we now
do for YriiaS al
for ten hundred.
5. Same chance and system ia tele-
grahy. Three cent kilograms to San
Francisco.
6. Give every deaf m an and woman an
ear trumpet.
]. Corral all the tramps, and ship'em
to France.
8. Establish government Kitchens for
for the manufacture of united soups at the
best quality, to be sold at twenty-five
cents per gallon.
9. Extend. the presidential term to six
years at least.
10. Move the capital from Washinton
to the geographical centre of thesscountry-
somewhere in the Mississippi valley. Els
tablish there Gan immense government
electric light factory. which shall radiate
light to every city, town. village. hamlet.
and farm house in the land.
IL. Pension the present New York
police commissioners for their ife.and turn
them out on condition that pension stops
if ever again they offer themselves for
Office.
II. Appoint Ben. Butler for life as
street cleaner of New York at 100000
per year salary.
IS. Give the press place in the cabi-
net.
ID Give every neWsnaner corresnon-
dent foreign consulate.
Is. Offer 100000 reward for o sure
cure for hydrophobia,
16. Build a big line of government
steamers to Europe, with restaurants on
board. Meals at SO much plate. Lodg-
ings s per day on board. Each steamer
to carry 1000 passengers.
II. Give every A nerican sculptor an
order for 8 statue Of somebody at the
new capital on the Mississippi.
ia Painters ditto.
IS. Offer government premium for
early marriages.
10. Kill all the Indians with kindness.
Gar6eld-is that all?
Visitor-No. general. No, not quite.
The other plans and specifications for cur
ADMINISTRATION
Garfeld-Our2
Fisiror-Ours, of eouIse.
Garheid-DoD you mean yoursY
Fisit0r-No. o no, ours,
Garfed-You must mean Yours"
senator,
Visitor-Didnt say "Ours2"
Garfsld-Yes, you said Ours" but
didn't you mean Y ours?'
Visiter-I meant "Ours" / say what
| mean and mean what l say. [ said
Ours"
Garfsld-O. I am sure you mean
Yours"
Visitor-No Ours
Garfeld-Y oursl
Visitor-OurB
Gar6eld-Y oursl Yoursl
Visitor-Oursl Oursi!
Garfs!d-Y oursi Yours!! Yeursi!!
Visitor-Oursl Oursii Ours!!!
Garfeld-Y oursl Yours! Yoursli! |
Yours, | say yours.
Visitor-Good day, sirl Good day
You reject my offer. sir.
Gar6eld-Y ours?
Visitor-Beware. sir. Reccolect! Dom
you understand me. sir? AMI
Garfeld-So Am l, sir !! So Am Ill!
Visitor-Ours!l
Gar6eld-Yo n1sl by the door of Gar
fields library. Baug.)