The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-05-18


Pcck's Sun SAYS: \ st. Louis doe
tor factory recently turned out y
dozen female doctors. rs long rs
the female doctors were confined to
one or two II the whole country,
and those were only experimental,
we held our peace, and did not
complain but now rs the colleges
arc engaged in producing female
doctors as a business, we must pro-
test. and in so doing will give a few
reasons why female doctors will not
prove paving branch OF industry.
IN the first place, il they doctor
anybody il must be women, and
.lhree-fourtas Of the women would
rather haze 4 male doctor. Sup
pose these colleges turn out female
doctors until there are rs many of
them as male doctors, what have
they got TO prlctice on? A man,
If there was nothing the matter with
him, might call in 4 female doctor,
but If he was sick as horse (ifa
man is sick he is sick rs a horse,
the las. thing he would have around
aim would be Il female doctor. And
why? Because, when man has
female fumbling around him he
wants to feel wei. He don't want
10 be bilious or feverish, with his
mouth tasting like cheese, and his
ewes bloodshot, when the female is
looking him over and taking ac-
count of stock.
OF course these female doctors
are az yoGag aud good looking, and
ii'one Of them came into sick room
where Il sick man WIS in bed, aud
he mad chills, and as cold as a wcdg, +,
and she should sit up close TO the
side OF the bed and take hold of his
hand, his pulse would run up to
$50, and size would prescribe for a
fever when lie had chilbiains. Oh,
YOU can't fool us on female doc
tors. \ man who has been sick
and had made doctors. knows just
how much he would feel to have
female doctor come tripping in and
throw her fUr-lincd cloak over a
chair. take of her hat and gloves
and throw them on a lounge, and
come up to the bed vita a pair Of
marine, blue eyes, with a twinkle
in the corner, and look him in the
wild, changeable eyes, and ask him
to run out his tongue. Suppose he
knew his tongue was coated so it
looked like yellow Turkish towel,
DO you suppose he would want to
run out over five or six inches of
the lower part of it and let that fe-
male doctor put her finger on it to
see how fur it was? Not much.
He would put that tongue up into
his cheek, and wouldn't let her see
it for % cents admission. We have
all seen doctors put their hand un-
der the bedclothes and feel OF. a mans
feet to see If they are cold. If a fe-
male doctor should do that itwould
give q man cramps in the legs. A
male doctor can put his hand on a
mau's stomach, and liver and lungs,
and ask him if he feels any pain
there, but if a female doctor should
do that it would make man sick,
and he would want to get up and
kick himself for employing a fe-
male doctor. Oh, there is no use
talking it would kill a man.
Now, suppose a man has heart
disease, and a female doctor should
want to listen to the beating of his
heart. She woald lay her lett ear
on his lett breast, SO her eyes and
rosebud mouth would be looking
right in his face, and her wavy hair
would be scattered all around there,
getting tangled in the buttons of
bis night dress. Don't you think
his heart would get in about twenty
extra beats per minute? You bet
and she would smile-we viii bet
ten dollars she would smile-and
show her pearly teeth, and the ripe
lips would be working as though
she were counting the beats, and he
would think she was whispering to
him, and. Well, what would
he be doing all this time? If he was
not dead yet, his left hand would
brush tie hair away from his tenn
pie and kind of stay there to keep
the hair away, and his right hand
would get sort of nervous and
move around TO the back of her
head, and when she bad counted the
beats few minutes and was raising
her head he would draw the head
up to him and kiss her once for
luck, if he was as bilious as Jer-
sey swamp angel-and have her
charge it in the bill. And then
reaction would set in, and he would
be as weak as a cat, and she would
have to fan him and rub his head
until he got over being nervous, and
then make out his prescription after
he got asleep. No; all OF q mans
symptoms change when a female
doctor is practicing on him, and she
would kill him dead.
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