New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1881-09-21
WHOLE NUMBER 1913
HUNOR..
TheEs was small boy named Apollo.
Who used to.get spunky and "hollor'
When his pa with strap
Would corral the young chap,

A live paper cannot be run on ''dead
issues
Somebody calls ice-cream '.feast Of
free-Zin."
Better to have soft corns than hard
creditors.
Is it moan-a-mania when crazy
man laments?
Nothing vulgar about the miller,
when he bolts his meal
Eve was the first of her race to feel
shocked at the bare idea.
When an arm of the sea encircles a
neck of land, look out for fishing
smacks. Yonkess Statesman. Give
us q schooner.
Why does q cat swallow mouse
head foremost? is one of the mellifuent
questions of the hour. In order to
save his tail for a toothpick.
Alderman O'Flannelmouth - ''Be
keerful, Mrs. O'Toole, an don't lit
any won see me, fur it's all the promi-
nent people what's getting shot at. y
And now somebody has been coun-
terfeiting Egyptian money. Somebody
must be rich to afford to use good ma
terial to make into Egyptian money
Boston Post.
mamie, - said he, and his voice was
singularly low, "will you be my wife?
Will you cling to me as the tender vino
clings to the Eyes, III catch on, !"
said she.
The Atlanta Constitution, thinks the
$1,000 at Albany, which is now without
an owner, should be invested in liver
pads for the benefit of the discoveries
of the comet.
Little Lottie to her friend-.I have
SO many cares. Yesterday little baby
sister arrived and papa is on q journey.
It was but piece of luck that mamma
was at home to take care of it. .
Doctors disagree. Some say whisky
hardens the brain, others say it softens
it. Meanwhile, people without brains
will keep right on drinking it. as it
does not make an atom Of difference to
them, not an atom.
A boy of IL years, dining at his nm.
cle's, made such good dinner that his
aunt Observed: 'tJohnny, you appear
to eat well"' eyes," replied the ur.
chin. Eve been practicing eating al.
my life.''
And now the poor heated editor
snatches up his shears with delight as
his eyes light on promising squib,
and throws them down with quota
ton from the Old Testament, as he
reads further and finds that it is some
thing about ''take Jenkins Jaundice
Jerker.''
Peanut stand. Small boy-...Is them
all yer give fer q cent? Why, I yuster
git twice that many Vender-.'Yes.
but all the fruit crops is failed this
year, and peanuts and peaches is un-
common slow in comm in..'' Small
boy-''Then give me cents worth of
ice cream-them isn't failed, is it?''
A Chicago paper wants to have Gui-
teau talked to death by George Francis
Train. It might do. But we once read
of sailor who was put into . cage
with an anaconda by q cruel African
king that the anaconda might swallow
him, and we believe the sailor swal-
lowed the Observation-Disclosures Herald
Can Guiteau swallow the boa?
A poem that won prize of $40, Of
Tered by one of our exchanges, makes
'.reveries' rhyme with ..whatever is.''
A poet couldn't be expected to do bet
ter for the paltry sum of 80. IF the
prize had been 500, no doubt he would
have succeeded in rhyming 'sensilage''
with ''peritonitis," There is nothing
like money to develop q poets latent
inspiration and SO forth.
"Your mind is in twilight state,"
observed man. stYou cannot differ
entiate the grains of mist,ust from the
molecules Of reasonable confidence.