Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-12-03
WIT AND WISDOM.

PHILADELPHIA papers are crying for
five cent fares in the street cars. That
is fare enough.-LoUeU Citizen.
IT Is said that animals refuse to drink
Cochituate now, showing the power of
instink. k.-BoStOn Commercial Bulletin.
TEE persons who sit upon the
eggs of borrowed trouble will eventu-
ally hatch out the genuine chickens -
Whitehall Times.
IF you can't be first in everything, re-
member that the horse that is but
second best wins the race. = Toledo
american.
''DoEs your landlady give her board
ers fruit ?" "Oh, yes, she frequently
gives them the dead sea fruit of hashes." p"
Boston Courier.
CONSIDERING his connection with the
morocco trade, it may be said that
Cashier Baldwin played regular skin
game.-BoSton Courier.
HOTEL Scene:-Local reporter: "Any
distinguished gentlemen here to-day ?"
Fascinating hotel clerk: "I am the only
one, sir. ."-CoLuna6,ss Capital.
WILL the coming man shut the door
behind him is the latest inquiry. 1t is
to be hoped that he will, for the going
man seldom does. s.-SOmerUiLLe Journal
TRAINED dogs exhibit so much intelli-
gence that it probably wont be long be-
fore there will be sausage in the market
thatcan talk.-PhiladeLphja Chronicle.
The James brothers are not given a
fair show. Why not make one of them
a New Jersey bank cashier and see what
he could do with favorable surround
ings.
A ROMANTIC young girl and tenor
singer are harmless when apart, but
they make terrible combination, re-
marks an exchange, and we feel COM
pelled to rise to explain that it is the
same way with tin can and brindle
pup.-Ou City Derrick.
THE editor of city agricultural Jour-
nal, who knew less about farming than
he did about anything else, told a sub
scriber who wrote asking 'How to get
rid of stumps," to go to any respectable
dentist, and not take gas unless his lungs
were sound and his heart was all right.
They were conversing the other day
about common friend, when Butterfly
said, ,.,"Poor fellow, he's got the mumps."
"Sorry to hear it." replied Guilty
''can't he get anything for them ?"
s'Well, no." without a blush, ''there's
no market for them now."-Bostos
Courier.
A PHILADELPHIA lady was about en-
gaging a sevrant-a waitress. What
wages do you askY she inquired.
''Well," responded the girl, meditative-
ly, "three dollars and half week, II
Pm expected to pass round the dishes,
and three dollars if the family stretch
for themselves.
A PERSON who was recently called IN
to court for the purpose of proving the
correctness of surgeons bill was asked
whether the doctor did not make several
visits after the patient was out OF dan
ger. "No," replied the witness, 81 con-
sidered the patient in danger as long as
he doctor continued his visits.
A CANDIDATE for the Office of Audi
tor of Public Accounts was suddenly
called upon for a speech. On rising, he
commenced ellow-citizens, You have
called upon me for a few remarks. /
have none to make. I have no pre-
pared speech. Indeed, am no speaker;
/ do not desire to be speaker-I only
want to be an auditor"
A SCIENTIST says that a traveller,
who could make the circuit of the earth
in eighty days, would need twenty-four
years for his journey around the sun.
That settles it. We shall not attempt
the latter journey. Twenty-four years
is too long to be away from home, with
the meter registering gas all the same
as il it was burned every night.-Nor-
TiStOtUn Herald.
WHAT is that which has three feet
but no legs, is all body but-zs llii=.bs,
has no toes on the feet, no head, movas
a great deal but never uses its feet fCr
that purpose, has one foot at each end
and one in the center of the body? IT.
never walks out, but goes with one foot
where the head might be, dragging the
stick. k.-Detrot Free Press.
THE Philadelphia News says a pound
of feathers is as heavy as a pound of
lead. That depends. If a pound of
feathers were to fall from third-story
window and alight upon a mans head,
and five minutes afterward a pound OF
lead were to fall the same distance from
above and strike him on the same spot,
he would be willing to swear that the
lead weighed ton more than the feath-
ers.-Norristo,C Herald.
so YOU go to school, Charley" said
the lady visitor. "You like to go to
school don't you?" "No, 1 don't" re-
piled Charley. "Don't like to go to
school. Why not, Charley" "Cause
the gals is always kissin' me-" ''Oh !"
said the lady with a smile. And Char
Iey's father murmured, {" Poor child
Would that were in his place Alas
how true it is that the blessings brighten
as thew take their fight. ."--B0st07e