South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-12-09
WIT AND HU M o r.


A man once called upon DIR. Francis
and said, Doctor, have unfortunately
very strong tendency TO govt; what
shall do TO arrest It'll Take q buck
ct Of water and ton OF anthracite three
times week, my friend How p
Drink the former. and carry the latter
up three pairs Of stairs.' A good rene.
dy for other complaints besides govt!
A little girl was drawing from card
a pattern too difficult for her. conse.
quently was making sad work of it, and
getting very tired. Her mother told her
SIZE had better lay that aside and take
more simple one. She turned with
great earnestnoss and said: Mamma,
didn't God, when he created the world /,
finish one thing before he commenced
on another p She was told that he did.
Well she said, then I'm going to-
why are you late ? asked frown-
ing school nam of little girl, who
hung her head and said: We have q
little girl at our house, Don't let il
happen again. said the teacher fierce
ly. and the little girl said she wouldn't,
and seated herself.
Lord Peterborough showing some i'm.
patience at a barrister's speech. the gen.
tleman paused and said; is it the
pleasure OF the Court that should pro-
ceed with my statement p Pleasure.
sir, has been out or the question for O
long time; but you may proceed
One day at dinner Curran sat oppo-
site Lord Norbury, who was famous for
his severity as a judge. 'Curran. ask
ed Norbury, SIS that hung beef before
your You try it, my lord answered
Curran, 'and it's sure to be-
himself is apt to waste great deal of
valuable time in wondering why the
world does not appreciate him. Not
every one is great who thinks himself
so. DR.. Luther's shoes will not fit ev-
cry village priest, says the German, and
you will find it safer to depend on hard
work than genius for a living.
Two mon disputed about their pow
ers OF endurance, and one said testify to
the other: u bet you that ] can hold
my legs in boiling water longer than
You can. Done cried the other, and
the steaming water was brought. In
went the legs. No. with an air of de-
fance, No. 2 with an edifying serenity.
No. began TO vince, No. 2 called calm.
ly for newspaper. No. began to find
it intolcrablc, No. 9 smiled at the hui
NOR OF the paper. in heavens name !
at last exclaimed No. 1, exasperated by
the heat Of the water and the GOODNESS
of his antagonist, What is your leg
made Of z Wood sententiously re-
piled the other.
a gentleman states that he often
laughed, respectfully of course, from his
boyhood up, at his old fathers pronun-
citation of the word furnitoor. His chill
dren now tell him that is the way to
pronounce it, and he has been brought
to regard his father as highly accom-
plished old gentleman.
Miss Sophronby WaddIosworth. aged
30. was reading the fashion notes, and
when she struck the paragraph, Babies
are fashionable this season. sho tainted
dead way, and remained unconscious
fifteen minutes. II was all the fault Of
the intelligent compostor. The item
should bayo read 'Rubies are fash.
ionable this season. Something's of a
difference, you will observe, though
both are dear little things.
A little child was addressed by q
gentleman the other day. How old are
you, my dear 2 he asked. odd !! said
the child, Indignantly; 4 am not old at
all. I'm quite new
The following will bear reprinting !:
a man who had been drinking very
freely Rt the bar, in going out into the
street fell into the gutter. a veg sec
ing him, ran into the public house and
said to tho acknowledged, Sir your
ei2n has fallen down. He went ont,
and to his astonishment behcld only the
poor drunkard.
a woman who carried around milk in
Paris said naive thing Tie other day.
Ono OF lie cnnLa ~ ,rLnra ahn hrnr,.Ll