The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1881-02-18
Two Old Physicians.


The other night Drs. Snort and Billkins, two
of the oldest physicians in the country, met at
hotel in Cleveland. They were on jour-
Dey and their meeting was accidental
ave must occupy the same room," insisted
DR.. Snort. st has been so long since I met
an old time doctor, that the occasion shall re-
tain pleasant memories"
"Nothing would give me greater pleasure"
answered DIR. Bilkins. SIT is pleasure to meet
genuine physician"
The two old men were shown to room,
where, with a bright fire they built an addi-
ton 10 an acquaintance begun when Ohio was
not regarded as the great State of Presidential
production.
'sThere are great many tricks in the medi-
cal profession now," said DR.. Snort "those
upstart doctors are killing the people off at
shameful rate"
at wasn'tso in our day." replied DR.. Bill
kins; "a boy 10 years of age wasn't engaged as
a family physician Them
mo; nor there wasn't that jealousy existing
between doctors that you find now. It's all
right 10 talk about enterprise and young blood,
but doctor should not be too enterprising."
After talking until the fire had burned out,
the two friends retired. Speaking about
young DOCTORS" said DIR. Snort, 81 have al
ways held that the best physician is he who
has the age. 1t is all practice. anyw y, and 1
believe that so years old doctor is more relia-
BILE than one 40 years DID,"
YES" said Bilkins, "but after they pass so
it doesn't make much difference"
Eyes, it does A e5-year old doctor is natur-
ally more reliable than on 80 years DID,
''Now, here" said Bilkins, ''you say that
just because am so and you are about 3d.
mo, didn't think of the difference in our
ages. However, in our case it is different"
Don't try to crawl out of it Doctor, you
meant it as an insinuation. You can't pull the
wool over my eyes, for can doctor the life out
OF you any time"
No doubt OF it. Let's go to Sleep
sz"Sleep, the deuce" said Bilkins turning
over. "Stir a man up, and then tell him to go
to sleep! l want you to understand that L
stand higher as physician than you do"
No use 10 talk that way when you know
that l can doctor the socks off you"
That's the trouble. You can doctor the
socks off anybody. L suppose you ale not aware
that Bilsley tells it all round the neghborhood
that you killed his wife,
"See here" snarled Snort, "you are getting
too internal insolent for an old man. / never
: intended to say anything about it, but know
one thing concerning your medical career that
is blot on the profession. You poisoned Glax-
on's child out of pure ignorance"
You are a rheumatic old liar" exclaimed
Bilkins, springing up. "You are wheeling
old scoundrel."
You old carbon crow!" yelled Snort, 81
wouldn't take that from my father
Take your hands off. I'll punch the life out
of you. Take that" howled Bilkins, as he
struck the wall with his fist
Then they grappled and began a mouth-to-
mouth engagement. They rolled out of bed,
got up, braced, grappled and fell again. FL
nally the night porter broke open the door,
rushed in and lit the gas. Snort stood in one
corner of the loom, holding chair. DR.. Bill
kins stood on the bed with boot in his hand.
Drive that mailman out!'' exclaimed Snort.
Gle has been trying 10 murder me.'
''He is an old liar" Moderated Bilkins; sshe
tried TO poison me- Shoot him. Call the no.
lice and let them kill him.
Several men, disturbed by the noise, entered
the room, ana the two old friends were COM
PEELED to occupy different apartments. The af-
fair has created a profound sensation, and war
rants of arrest have been issued for the old
time physicians.