The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-01-20
WIT AND HUMOR.

| Fashion says: Gathered waists are
still very much in favor with young
ladies'" They arc with the young
| gentlemen also
All seems to hinge on this" re-
marked the lover when he proposed to
his sweetheart while swinging on the
gate in front of heI. house.
Jones thinks a man is fortunate who
has his will contested after death only.
He says his will has been contested ever
since he married Mrs. Jones.
At the ball: Grace (whispering)-
"What lovely boots your partners got,
Mary?' Mary (ditto) -"Yes unfortun-
ately he shines at the wrong end"
She-'.Mr. Slow, are those two men
that have just passed brothersp' He
'I-aw-know that one of them il. but
Fm-aw-not quite sure of the other"
The census shows something like
twenty per centum more females than
males in the country's population.
Well, we can't have too much of a good
thing.
A Murray hill, New York, girl has had
one of her shapely feet modelled in mar
BILE, and has presented it as a birthday
present to her afIianced husband for
paper weight.
''How shall have my bonnet trim
med" asked Maria, $50 that it shall
agree with my complexionP" eff you
want it to match your face, have it
plain" replied hateful Hattie.
Boy Ito lady visitor): Teacher,
there's gal over there a winkin' at
me-" Teacher: .'Well then don't look
at her." Boy: ''But if don't look at
her she'n wink at somebody else"
Some photographer in New York is
said to have two hundred ard fifty v-three
"distinct negatives Of Miss Maud
Branscombe. Evidently fellow who
evil not take NO for an answer"
DrawiAg-room episode: Affable duch-
css (to amateur tenor. who has just been
warbIing M. Gounod's last)-"Charm-
ing! charming! You must really get
somebody to Introduce yeu to neT'
A slight misunderstanding: ''Do you
ever ,ciuk, Miss Evangeliner' ..Do I
ever whot, Mr.. Smythe7" "What do
you mean sir7'. '.WeIl skate if you
pwefer the expressionr'
''Eugenic; Eugene, will you still in
sist on wearing the hair of another wo-
man upon your head?" ''Alphonso,
Alphonso, do you still insist upon wear
ing the skin of another calf upon your
feet?''
'.Kiss,'' said young Charles, 'is a
noun, we allow; but tell me, my dear, is
it proper or common" Lovely Mary
blushed deep and exclaimed: ''Why l
vow, think that a kiss is both proper
and common"
A woman accidentally went to church
WIT hnr hood
stuck inside the other-and the other
women in the congregation almost died
of envy. They thought it was new
kind of bonnet, and too sweet for any
thing.
that friMly black-hsired woman talking
to my husband on tho ottomane' ''Shs's
y Mrs. Cadogan Smythe" ''Indeed!
say, and knows how to lay it on pretty
thick "Ah! you infer that, no doubt,
from her attitude and exprsssion"
"Oh, dear, no; from my husband's."
Sha was big, buxom lass, and when
said: ..Good evening Lily" I'm no
'.you are the lily; men are never lilies"
pecially are lily" .'How's that?''
s.Lilliputian" He then looked as if he
wished he was an elephant.
A genial mistake: New Beauty (un-
versed as yet in the mysteries of his gh
life)-s.Who's that wonderful oh gen
The Captain-''Sir Digby
de Rigby. Hampshire baronet, one Of
the oldest in England; James the First's
creation, you know" New Beauty (de-
termined to be surprised at nothing)-
.'Indeed! How well preserved he IS! 1
have thought him more than
seventy or eighty"