Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-05-21
CHOICE CHIT CHAT
On Moral and Miscellaneous
Matters.

Matters.
Culled for Saturdays Register.
Ii YOU can't run fast enough to be one
OF the winners at the last You can at least
run wisely enough to keep out OF peo-
pies way.
II you could only persuade yourself
to be glad that things are no worse, in
stead of grumbling that they are as ba!
as they are, you would materially ln-
crease the possibilities OF happiness.
II you will settle down to the tact
that success is hard to win, and then
train your muscles to the work,you will
get on far better than by regarding your
self as an unappreciated genius whom
cold world neglects.
Here is small triumph for Mr.. OAR
win: "why, my DEAR" said lady to
her friend, "where did you get that
beautiful monkey" "Oh!' was the
reply, my husband travels a great deal,
you know, and he gave me the monkey
that might not forget him in his alb
sence."
A little child has brought TO the sur
face a new theological puzzle. When
told the story OF the Prodigal Son and
how he was 80 reduced that he was COM
PEELED to eat husks, she looked into the
face Of the teacher with a bewildered
sort OF gaze and then said, "Why did he
eat the husks, good sir?" Because"
was the reply, che had nothing else to
eat" Nothing else?" responded the
child; al think / could have found some
thing" "And what could you have
done if you had been there, my childF'
aueried the teacher. "Why," answered
the bright-eyed little one without hest:
tation, IL should have killeda pig and
had good dinner"
A shrewd man can always find agood
reason. When Bavarian peasant pre-
sented himself to his clergyman and de-
manded license to marry, the good
man said: "Why, Peter,it is only eight
weeks since l buried your wife, and do
you come to me so soon with a new
one?" "Ah," replied the peasant, al
have been suffering terribly from the
affliction which has fallen on my house,
and heard the Herr Doctor say the
other day that il a man had pain in
one part of his body the best way TO cure
it was to produce another pain. He
called it counter irritation, | believe.
Now, your reverence, am in just that
conditional | want to produce coun-
ter irritation, that is all. "
Everybody in the world is super
stitious, but nobody in the world seems
willing to confess it. The man who is
Just as sure that there is no such thing
as ghost as he is that there is such
thing as life or death has a certain twinge
of fear in a dark and lonely spot in spite
OF himself. In broad daylight he is per-
iectly confident OF his logic and scouts
the idea OF an apparition as the sheerest
nonsense, but when the darkness creeps
on and he finds himself on a moonlight
night IN the midst OF a cemetry miles
away from human aid; around him the
signing wind in the trees, above him the
hurrying clouds, which now shuts out
the moon entirely and now withdraw
and let the moon shine with all its de-
pressing briliianCy, all then the con-
ceit is taken out of him and he begins to
confess that his logic is not entirely in
iallible, that there NAV be such a thing
as a ghost after all. Then through the
thicket behind him slowly finds her way
a white COW. She looks, ponders and
then utters low moan. He, the logic.
ian and philosopher, who doesn't be.
lieve in supernatural appearances, who
ridicules everybody who does so believe,
hears the sound, looks behind him al
the approaching COW, imseines her to he
legion of spirits Gin sheeted white"
making ready to give him chase, and
then starts for home at an enorSlous
pace, pushing through brier hedges,
leaping five rail fences, tearing his coat
and pants, leaving his hat behind him,
not daring to return to get it, and feels
perfectly safe again only when he stands
in his own parlor, which is filled with
the reassuring blaze OF the blessed kero.
sene lamp. Boosting belongs to the
daytime, but after nightiall every man
in the world fears ghost.
One must be very careful what he says
and does in Germany, for the laws are
very strict and the police show neither
fear nor favor. Among the soldiery, if
one feels himself insulted he avenges
his honor promptly by challenge, and
among the people scsndalous criticism
is Immediately followed by a scene in
the court room. Ii you take up the
morning paper YOU are very likely to
come across such a notics as this
"Whereas, yesterday. in the Cafe Leer, |
called Johann Schm;tt a liar. wish
publicly to retract the charge. (Signed),
Wilhelm kopf." In the police record
OF a Bavarisn journal We lately saw that
q servant girl who had written the name
OF her former mistress on letter OF re-
commendation to her new one had been
sentenced to Imprisonment for two
weeks. This is perhaps one reason why
theGermans merely shrug theireloquent
shoulders when delicate subject is
touched, while We Americans, who en-.
Joy some Of the doubtful privileges of
speech that is over free, express our
selves in language which is not always
graceful or commendatory, but which
heaps objurgation on objurgstion until
the heavens tremble. II every hot word
We utter were to be paid for by a small
fine we should keep the courts running
night and day and should accumulate
funds enough to pay the interest on the
national debt. A true American always
feels that his rights are curtailed unless
he can use the strongest term that is
known to the most violent anger with
which to express his feelings when some
enc by accident steps on his toes. Other
people begin with the positive degree
ana gradually work their way up to the
superlative, but we begin with the super.