South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-07-08
WIT AND HumoR


There is nothing like being proper.
~ armed and equipped for the battles
of life. Still, few are in the banpv
condition of the freshman who sent n
letter to a friend saying that while he
was writing he had pistol in both
hands and sword in the other.
n certain lady had q custom Of saw
ing to favorite dog. to make him
follow her, Come along, sir A
would-be witty gentleman stepped ~
to her one day and accosted her with.
is 1t me madam, you called ? 'Oh.
no, SIR said she with great compos.
ure, 1T was another puppy L spoke to.
There is no disgrace in being poor
we are told, and we're bowling glad
OF 1t, for there are enough other dis
advantages about it, without that one.
Coiored women may not be ALWAYS
wise, but none Of them are foolish e.
nongh towear a piece of white court
plaster on their chin.
"A short Italian prayer which Is not
without wisdom: Il pray that | may
never be married. But if marry. /
pray that may not be deceived. But
II am deceived, | pray that | may
not know of it. But if know of it.
| pray that ] may be able. to laugh at
the whole affair
A gentleman under the influence
OF spring evening, moonshine and
other romantic surroundings was led
TO ask a pretty but somewhat strong
minded young lady to row in the
same boat with him for life .On one
condition., she answered promptly,
sand that isl steer
A Danbury bootblacll was in South
Norwalll when the train went through
there on its way to Hartford with the
nations military dignitaries. Did
You see General Sherman ? asked IA
citizen this morning while having a
shine. No; was he looking for me p
was the response. The citizen was
MISUNDERSTANDING News.
Young lady TO her old uncle): .Oh.
uncle, what shocking thing! A
young girl was made crazy by sud.
den kiss = Old uncle What did
The fool go crazy for?' Young lady:
what did she so crazy for WHY
for more, | suppose
A little boy, about nine years of
age, with his parents, at table d'hote,
was asked, Bean soup, sir p when he
sshrIliy replied; 4 don't want to
know what its been but what it is
a Louisville lawyer came very near
swearing that he would tell the truth.
lie wanted to be admitted to the bar,
and, having passed satisfactory OK
animation, the court told the clerk to
swear hum IN. The clerk commenced.
\ on do soIcmnlv swear to tell the
truth the whole truth, and nothing
but the truth'-and had gotten that
far when the court yelled out Hold
ON, there Swear to support the
Constitution of the State Of Kentuc
Ky. The young lawyer trembled at
ms narrow escape.
A certain Dean of Ely was once at
dinner, when, just as the cloth was
removed, the subject of discourse
happened to be that of extraordinary
mortality among lawyers. eve have
lost, SAID gentleman, mot less than
seven eminent barristers in as many
months The dean, who was verv
deaf, rose Just at the conclusion of
these remarks, aud gave the company
grace For this and all other mer
cies make US truly thankful
DR.. Bushby, whose figure was be.
meath the common size. was one day
accosted in a public coffee room bv an
Irish baronet of colossal stature. with
MAY l pass to my seat. O Gianty
when the doctor politely making way.
replied-Pass, 0 Pigmyr 'Oi! sir.
SAID the baronct, my expression allu,