davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03
On the Safe Side.

DelTOlG < rec FtS5
y Michigander who was riding along
the highway near Charlestown, w. Va,
a few days ago, came across a negro
who was grubbing out stump near
the meadow fence, and after few
questions about farm products the
Wolverine asked:
"What do you get for taking that
stump out?"
''Jist 80 cents" was the reply.
Chow long have you been working
at it?''
"Wall, nigh about week, reckon"
"And how much longer will it takeY'
"Wall, specs [ could finish it to-
morrer, but [ reckon wont do it afore
Friday"
"Why?"
Wall, heah am de pint. III finish
1t tomorrow an get my money, I'll be
bound to drap down to Halltown an
bet on a hoss-race an lost it all. Eff [
wait till Friday, I kin hab de means of
gwine inter de dircus at Charlestown.
l knows my weakness, boss, an so Pze
gwine to sot heah an dig a leetle an
sleep leetle, an chop off the las root
when I heah de circus hons BLOWN on
top de red skule-house hill"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03
= sONG,

A. Z Gyares' Iish Songs and Ballads.
The route has come. we march away.
Our coors dance before US,
But sorrows cloud made dark the day
That from our sWeetheartg tore us
Ny own dear lass she sobbed adieu
Her loving arms entwined me,
And oft she prayed me to be true
To the girl | left behind me.
Yes. I'll be trne; when steel to steel
The ranks of war are rolling.
And round US every cannon peal
A funeral knell IS tolliDg;
Then if from out the battles flame
A fatal ball should find me,
My dying lips shall bless the name
OF the girl l left behind me.
But if in triumph | return
To tell a soldiers story
Though proudly on my breast should burn
The golden cross Of glory,
No other maid with magic art
Shall break the links that bind me
Forever 10 the faithful heart
Of the girl l left behind me.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03
The First Mormon Marriage,
San Francisco Chronicle

The first celestial marriage" occur
red by stealth, on the banks of the
Mississippi, near Nauvoo, Ill. Joseph
Smith sealed" to James Noble second
wife. Mobiles first wife soon died of a
broken heart, and the second wife went
insane and also died. When Smith
married Noble, the latter also married
Smith to a second wife. The first Mrs.
smith chung to the prophet until mob
killed him, and then married Gentle,
and at last accounts was still living at
Nouv' 0. In defense of polygamy the
examples of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob,
Moses, Joshua, David and Solomon are
cited. In confederation of the "Book
Of Mormon we are pointed to the
burned cities Of Palenvue and Uxmal,
III Central America; to the mounds in
the Mississippi valley, and to other we'll
known vestiges of d prehistoric race.
w hen good Mormon dies, who has
lived up to his religion" and has had
a dozen or two wives and fifty or sixty
children, he does not become mere
angel, like an ordinary Christian-he
becomes a god, with a world Of his own
to reign over. A Mormon wife who Cd
poses the polygamous marriage of her
husband goes to hell and is destroyed"
A Mormon who obeys the mandates of
the church in most respects, but neg
lects to Ego into polygamy," becomes
a mere angel, who must be kind of
servant to the gods and other
angels. His wife must share the same
humiliating fate. The doctrine of
" blood atonement is simply this: If
an apostles throat is cut, the spilling
of the blood upon the ground will save
his soul. If he is left to die natural
death his soul will go to hell. A great
many apostate souls have been saved in
Utah. This, in substance, is the Nor
mon religion.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

Long, luxurious wraps, which are TO
envelop the wearer from head to foot,
are now exhibited. Many of these
have plush collars which cover the
shoulders, and are lined throughout
with the same fabric. Among the eve
ming wraps is one of white brocaded
satin, trimmed with feather trimming.
and lined with mauve-tinted satin.
Another quaint style is Mother Hub
bard wrap of palest yellow plush, lined
with bright Oriental brocade, and a
third, of white stamped velvet, is lined
with crimsnn-Watnred Sill
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03
4 Perfect Gun of Coffee.
Pail Mall Gazette.

Coffee is the fine issue of Eastern
hospitality-the climax of the visit.
One recognizes, on entering, the sound
of the coffee mortar; for in every prop
~ regulated household in the East the
coffee is not ground, but pounded to an
impalpable powder, having been roast
ed that morning, each day its provision,
and pounded the moment it is needed.
Ard no one who has not drank it there
can thus presume to judge of the bev-
erage.
In England we roast it till it is black,
grind it as we would cattle food, boiling
it like malt for beer, and when we
drink the bitter and unaromatic fluid
which remains, say we have taken our
coffee. The Eastern coffee-drinker
knows all the grades of berry and prep
aration as a silk merchant knows the
quality of silk; the caffejee knows that
to roast it a shade beyond the point
where it breaks crisply under the pes,
tie is to spoil it, and when the slow pull
verizing is done, each measure goes in
to its little copper ibrik, receives its
dose Of boiling water, just one of the
tiny cups full rests an instant on the
Goals to restore the heat lost in the
ibrik, and is poured into the eggshell
cup, and so it came to us, and each cup
IN gold enameled holder. The rule
IN these lands seems to be that few
things are worth doing, but these few
are worth doing well, and there is no
waste of life or material by over-haste.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03
To CONsIfnPTyyEs

Golden Medical Discovery is a concentrated,
WINS golden opinions from all who use ii for am
humor, from the common pimple blotch. or ernr,
ton, to the formidable scrofulous swelling T.
ulcer. Internal fever, soreness and uleeration
yield to its benign influences. CONSUMPTION
which is but Scrofulous affection of the iunos
may, in its early stages, be cured by free use
of this God-giyen remedy. See article on cox
sumption and its treatment in Part III of the
World Dispensary Dime Series of pamphlets
costs two stamps. postpaid. Address WORLDS
DIsPENsARY MEDICAL ASSOCIATION Buffalo
y. \.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

Iowa, on the 27st of DrcenArr '0Ss. was seized
WIN sudden attack CT ncua3gi;t in The chest
giving me eXorucidtng pain and llYrsi ,,~cv,.lr-
ing breathing. My pulse usually ~ f.! Ia "a;
intense nausea Of the stomach Succeeded. aud
C0!d, ciammy sweat covered my entire BODY
me attending physician could ,tu nothing to lt.-
neVe me. Atcr suffering far three hours. |
thoqghI-asl had been Using 81. JACOBS OIL with
5000 effect for rheumatic pains would try il
saturated piece OF flannel, large enough 10
cover my chest, with the oil. and appliydit. The
relief was almost Instantaneous. IN one honr
was entirely free from pain ard would have
taken the tram - fill an appointment that night
in neighboring town had my friends not dis
Suadedme. As 1t was taollthc night TRAIN fer my
home, III st. Louis. AMI have NOT been troubled
since.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03
LADY WANTS TO KNOW

the latest PariSian style Of dress and bonnet: a
new way to arrange the hair. Millions are ex-
pended for artificial appliances which only make
conspicuous the fact that emaeiatiou, nervous de-
bIhty, and female weakness exist. DR.. Pierce's
"FaYorite Prescription" is sold under a positive
guarantee. If used as directed, art can be dis
pensed with. 1t will overcome these diseases pc
culiar to females. BY druggists.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

ST. MARYTs, O, Jan. %, 1873.
Mrs. John O'Donnell, down for four or FIVE
years with consumption-very worst stage of it
was in bed for II weeks, and could not get up
She commenced on Pisos Cure for Consumption.
and is now up and improving rapidly, by using
only four bottles. "Piso's Cure" is performing
wonderful cures, and giving the utmost satisfac-
ton. Gus MoRvurrs
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

A white man ROW living in Ebert
County, S c., was BACKED up once by
a companion in slavery times, and sold
as slave in Charleston for 5000. The
next day he washed off the color, es-
capped and received halfof the purchase
01nnou
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

For Homeopathic Medicines only
one centennial medal was awarded at
Philadelphia, and that to Boericke &
Tafel, established in business since 1885.
Their Chicago establishment is at 80
Clark st. They make a speciality of
Medicine Cases and books for family
use, and for veterinary treatment. Send
for descrintive nrice list
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

The fungus growth, or rather disease
found on many fishes, but notably the
salmon species, is said to be mostly
caused by wounds or abrasures of the
skin, which arise from accidental iniu-
ries or from the attacks of their natural
enemies. In this connection we would
ask whether any of our readers have
ever seen fungus growth on sunfsh
We never did, although we have met
with hundreds Of suntish that were mu-
tilated by bass, who seem to delight in
taking a choice morsel out of the back
of the sunny" and then leaving him
to get out of the scrape the best way he
can. Our black bass is a remorseless
villain, and bites others con amore, for
we have known him to corner a suntish
among the rocks and snap Aeshy tit
bit out of it so demurely that it seemed
as if he was only INDUCING in passing
whim.-American Angler.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03
Joaquin Miller writes 9 most no,

JOAQUIN Miller writes most perplex-
ing hand, in which all the letters are
made IN pretty much the same way
and most of them are omitted. And
maybe this accounts for his poetry.
Tie printer sets up what he pleases and
then lays it off on JOAQUIN.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

Workingmen will economic by employing DR..
Pierces Medicines. His Pleasant Purgatiye
Pellets" and Golden Medical Discovery" cleanse
the blood and system thus preventing fevers and
other serious diseases. and curing all serofulous
ana other humors. Sold by druggists.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

The Des Moines Qowa) TTi- Weekly
Tribune says: GA Harrisburg, Pa,
journal mentions that Mr.. D. Bensinger,
No. 4 Market Square, that city, was
cured by St. Jacobs Oil o. a violent at
tack of rheumatism.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

Mr.. George l. Seney, of New York,
who has given away so much money
for educational and philanthropic pur-
poses the last two or three years, is the
son of Methodist preacher.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

III dote upon that girl" said Smith
THAT makes the twentieth girl you
have dotted ON within a month" re-
marked Henderson. at is about time
you had sown all your wild dotes,
Smith"
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03
-A-A->

LADY BEAUTFIERs. Ladies you cannot
make fair skin, rosy cheeks, and sparkling ewes
with all the cosmetics of France or beautifers of
the world, while in poor health, and nothing will
give you such rich blood, good health. strength
and beauty as Hop Bitters. trial is certain
proof
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03
WEATHER--0R NOT.

We admire The philosophy OF the unfortunate
nan. VINO, when everything had been swept
away, said Well, thercn BE- weather and taNts
dog" of all Subiects: evcryoTe thinks If his
il 'SJl"L night o tiy to better the weather and
al nS ahathemdS against Old Probabilities
I an VINO endeayOr 10 assist him in rap1.1atinn
me me weather The following commnni,fion i
TOY. ice. of 81. Lo..S No the renowned
II 5i0oS log and weather prophet q the West
s,ralC- o 10 uiSelSS the weather but something
with fba+ Il"tH importance to those who suffer
Ga ,.l ti'Ss painful la)ady he sncakS Of: Tho
- ~'i-S-'',.-l.5 liy lectures at BURLINGTON
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

Ho, YE BALDHEADs!-Therei is Just one way.
and no more, by which you may be cured-use
CAROLINE, d deodorized extract of petroleum.
1t will positively produce new hair; there is no
substitute for this marvellous petroleum hair re-
newer.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

he was secured BY the officer from that
State, and taken to Williamstown in
triumph.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

DR.. Helen Webster, Professor of
Anatomy and Physiology and resident
physician at Vassar College for eight
years, has resigned and resumed her
practice at New Bedford. Mass
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

The stocks at JAMES MoRGAN's 1856
and 38S East Water street, Milwaukee,
are constantly being supplemented.
He has just received New Dress Goods,
New Shawls, Blankets, FIannels, Ho-
siery, &c. In Dolmans and Cloaks his
trade is immense
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

The new President pro tenn. of the Sen
ate weighs nearly 400 pounds.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

How to secure Health

1t seems strange that any one will suffer from de-
rangelnents brought on by impure blood, when SEQ
yille's Sarsaparilla and Snga will restore health to
the physical organization 1t is pleasant to take and
the best blood purifier discovered curing Scrof-
Ia, Weakness of the Kidneys, Eryspelas Malaria all
Nervous disorders Debility, Bilious complaints and
all Diseases of the Blood, Liver Kidneys, Stomach
Skin, etc. As health renewer it acts like charm.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

"Lindsey's Blood Searcher' enriches the blood
drives out all disease, and will give you excellent
health.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

DR.. ROGERS VEGETABLE WORM SYRUP instantly
destroys and removes all the secretions which
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

BAKERS PAIN PANACEA cures pain in Man and
least Use externally and internally.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

A scholar IN one of Binghampton's
public schools who had "been over to
the map of ASIA" was reviewed by his
teacher, with the following result:
Teacher-"What is geography"
Scholarly big book"
Teacher-"What is the earth COM
posed of?'
Scholar-''Mud."
Teacher-"No; land and water"
Scholar-"Well, that makes mud,
don't it?"
Teacher-"What is the shape of the
earth?"
Scholar "FIat."
Teacher-'You know better If l
should dig hole through the earth,
where would / come out?'
Scholar-"Out of the hole. "-BurEi11g-
ton Hauvkeye.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-11-03

In an old Roman cemetery in South
ern Italy have been found some curl
Gus and interesting objects. Among
them are five urns with handles of odd
shape, nine amphorae with ornaments
in relieve, eighteen cups of various
shapes, four elegant drinking cups, ten
water pitchers with necks Of triangular
shape, a collar of amber beads, an iron
axe, found at the side of skeleton, a
sword with iron scabbard and bronze
chain, and a torch-holder made of
bronze.
Some of our exchanges are very
much worried about Sam Houston's
grave because it has no monument.
There is really no occasion for any
monument on his grave. 1t is the men
who are in danger of being forgotten
who need monuments right away.
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1881-03-09
THE FATE OF THE TRAMP.

Incidence will thrust mau into all sorts
OF dangers-dangers which he never thought
OF. and dangers which, whenhe sees them. he
is too indolent TO avert The tramp has long
since been recognized as a characteristic
type OF the American Nation. lie would
love TO be as the wild goose-change chimes
a. the weather changes But nature has de
MED him the joyous privilege of flying
through the air as a wild bird, and poverty
and laEiness compel him 20 plod wearily
from town TO town and from farm to farm.
Even the brakemen on freight trains are
more yigilant than Of yore, and the luxury
of riding in cold freight car on a bleak
night, Mt ten-mile nate, is denied him.
His fate is, indeed, deplorable. But in his
life theYeis- one sweet Fecompense which he
weuld not exchange for that OF all calhngs
cocubined-his hands are idle and his brain
is forever at rest. Hunger may gnaw his vi
tsls-he can stand that. The cold may chat
ter his teeth and freeze his heels-he can
stand that. The rain may drench him and
the .ague hurt his bones-he can stand that,
too. He arrives at Il farmhouse; the farmer
IL out at his work. There is stock to feed
and water, wood to-eut and corn Ia shell. 1t
h impossible for the gentleman who is
tramping TO perform any OF these labors;
he is going elsewnere-is in n hurry
and is hungry; IL the lady has
any cold .victuals ne will be
obliged for it, and mpahead. Verify, the
tramp is a sly fellow, and enjoys his little
bouts at diplomacy. Sometimes he appears
asa grim-visaged villain, committing out
RACES we blush 90 name; sometimes as
good-natured. innocent. honest, homely fell
low; sometimes az the shrewd man of the
town, ever ready 10 take advantage in a
harmless way, but never with criminal pur-
poses. These are vs-iahe characteristics, but
there is one common % the entire class-al.
ways avoid labor. but these fellows find
little happiness except what there is in II
warm. day. a cold pone, and spring of
water, and their ends are often sad and vio-
lent. We frequently hear OF them being
shot, killed by trains, frozen or burned to
death. There is little in the lie Of a tramp
to.eXcite ambition.
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1881-03-09

eral Garfield was more than usually COM
municative with regard to his personal feel
ings. To him things were not lovely. He
said he felt like a man "going TO prison
and further likened himself TO great croco-
die on the banks OF the Nile, with large
numbers OF 'ichneumons" waiting for him
TO open his mouth that they might run in,
and with teeth and claws make their politi-
cal breakfast on his official yitals. Garfield
intended 10 convey the idea, and did con-
vey the idea, that those who visited Mentor
came for the same purpose that ichDeumons
watch crocodiles upon the banks of the Nile.
Hence pilgrims TO Mentor were ''ichneu-
mons" and Garfield the crocodile The
crocodile is now in Washington, and the
ichneumons will follow him up. So FAR the
Indiana ichneumons have Jared badly. The
crocodile has kept his mouth shut and no
Hoosier ichneumons have got in. They are
terribly displeased.
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1881-03-09
oARFIFI,D's INAUGuRAL.

The inaugural address of President Gar
Geld which We print this morning, is Fashy
and therefore trashy. 1t 10 where bears the
impress of deep study. OF profound thought,
0r,Of statesman-like comprehension of the
vital questions OF government. 1t may be
claimed for the production that it is well
wrtten. that its syntaX is un0bjecti0na-
BILE Admit il. Still the address is little
mere than Il bundle OF glittering generalities
and scarcely rises above the oratorical
triumphs witnessed III the arenas where
sophomores spout Uhe whole thing is of
the SEy-rocket order, seemingly intended TO
please the rabble. The reference to the fact
that tie Republic has grown dnring the
past hundred years is extended TO the ut
most limit OF clap-trap and rhetorical flap
doodle. The freedman's ballot, ignorance,
education, etc, are threwn into a tumble.
Illi;eracy,is deplored, while intelligence is
eozamendsd, and while the President de-
clarts that,igRorance is the great danger OF
the Republic, he is determined that
it shall be potential in shaping the
destinies Of the country. In matters of
finances, he fully COMMITS himself to the
custody of the National Banks Ga against the
interests OF the taxpayers. With re-
gard 90 the ,encroachments Of. the power OF
corporations, 'se is as silent rs n mummy.
Agriculture, in which he 9yshalf the peO-
pie of the United States are engaged, he dis
misses with Jess than twenty lines, and says
nothing at that. He hints at the Monroe
doctrine, and wiads up on polygaTay. The
address, from firss. to last, is lame affair.
and, as a send of, is not calculated TO give
President Garfield the elevations his friends
anticipated. IL &c well known that :Presi-
dent Garfield is not a strong man. lHe.has
literary culture, bEt he lacks Willlpewer,
Eorce Of misunderstanding qualities. he is
easily overcome by temptation; ondhInless,
|. Ear the good of the country, he fails into the
hands OF better nan than Conkling. but
little good can be expected from his Admin
| istsctiOn
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1881-03-09

TIE Washington Republican says: ''Sena-
tor Carpenter had the characteristics OF both
Webster ard Chezte-the ,overPowering
logic OF the former, the Immediate fund of
resource of.the latter He.kad. no master at
repartee, while his profound arguments
were usually built Of snch massive material
'that the assaults of the opposition wete pow
-erless against them Yes, and be it re-
,membered the. Matt Carpenter asserted the
fact and proved it, that Hayes won the Pres
ideney by e,perjury Of four villains, and
that he was therefore never entitled 20 Til
denis Office or zilden's salary.