The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-08-19

Assessors have a way Of finding out how
poor man ls.-N 0. Picdytrne.
The Boston Transcript calls Bob Ingersoll
the sham-Paine Of freethinkers.
The giraffe is not large eater. A little
goes great way with him. Yarcob Strauss.
That comet has tail 1000, 1000 miles long.
What comfort it must be in fly time
Professor Smith.
Hoopskirts are to be revised and there Is
great deal Of hustle In the feminine world.
-New Hdren Register.
"Tethered Is the Bull Dog, Jim Can
Come" has taken the place of that other
popular song, Empty is the Cradle, Babys
Cone"
Up in Middlesex county It Is so quiet that
train of thought can be felt to jar the whole
trestle work Of the vicinity.-Ne,o Haren
Register.
Time to plant dog-muzzles.-Yo Yonkers Ca
zette. Better plant the dogs, and you will
have doggone sure thing of it, -Ya,ccob
Strauss.
The Woonsocket Reporter inquiries "Who
says it is unhealthy to sleep. in feathers
Look at the spring chicken and see how
tough he Is"
1t Is said 10000 people bathe daily at Long
DTdftCH. Ht WdLcT Uo I'LL u
condition. Nothing preserves 1t but the salt.
-Chtcago Iater-Ocean. ..
1t is said that thirty persons in a small
town in Michigan were poisoned recently by
eating sausages. This comes from leaving
brass collars on dogs.
Chicago lake water has to be boiled before
I is fit to drink, and while it Is on the firei
coming to boil the thirsty man generally
takes beer.--N. o. Picayune.
'Tis well to quote the census number,
To show the greatness of n nation,
But better vets the green cucumber
To double up the population.
One hundred head of cattle was the
amount involved OH the result of recent
Texas horse race. This is the largest beef
stake on record.-Philadeiphia Chronicle
Herald. m
There Is man In New York who makes
his living by turning red noses white. In
the same city there are several thousands
who make their living by turning white
noses red.-LomisriHe Sunday Argus.
This Is the latest western form of saying
man was hanged: /" He was unanimously
chosen by convention Of six property hold
ers To jump from new pine platform into
the sweet subsequently. Chicago Tribune.
There was young girl of Eau Claire,
" no WIS WHY, anu EOOt. anu sea talT
All the other girls found,
That when she was around
They were just counted out as neau whaire.
A midsummer conundrum: Johnson
Smith, what kind of a beast would you
prefer to be if You had TO be one?" Smith
"Well, just nj this time Of year think I'd
rather he little bare."-Louisriile Courier
Journal.
A worthy deacon In town not far away
gave notice in prayer-meeting the other
night, of a church meeting that was to be
held Immediately after, and unconsciously
added: "There is no objection to the fe-
male brethren remaining. g."-Sprinafeid Re-
publican.
The salut tatorian at Yale this year was
German, the valedictorian a Hebrew and the
prize declaimer ChinaiDan. But when 1t
comes to real classical culture our native
land is there. The pitcher of the Yale base
ball club Is an American.-Chicdgo Tribune.
A patent madeleine advertisement is head
ed: "Women Never Think" But let one
find perfumed note, written In feminine
hand, In her husbands coat pocket, and she
will think with all her might and main for
upward of considerable -Norristo,rn Her
aid. ..... ....
The noted scout +" Yellowstone Kelley"
III SHAIgc VI si& SCOUTS anu thirty Uoou-
hounds Is en- route to Wisconsin to join in
the search for those notorious outlaws, the
Williams brothers. All that Is now needed
to make another Nez Perce affair Of the
chase Is General Howard and slow supply
train.--Detron Free Press.
An Iowa love affair: $50 you're not go
ing 10 marry Esra Haskins' daughter, though
you know my heart Is set Oh this match?"
thundered Sir Marmaduke, the dairy king, to
his son, Lem Norton, the ox-tamer Of Yel-
low Springs. "No, sir" meekly replied the
young man. "And, sir" roared the exss.
perated father, "may ask why you dare
thus TO thwart my expressed WHIP" ayes,
sir" said his son, in a low, faint voice, like a
joke before breaefast, "because l asked her,
and she said she'd rather marry q pump-l0g
for b. aims than to- marry anybody in this
family" "Ahi" exclaimed Sir Marmaduke,
with fading infection, and then he turned
away to the new Ayrshire COW in the corner
Of the lot and said, In voice of thunder
cloud: "Huddup yer foot, ye ftlr-tsiled imp
Of a thistle patch, or I'll knock the stuffin
outen We with neck-yokel" And his own
son knew that the proud-spirited old man
was thinking Of her.-Burlington Haukeye.