The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1881-04-26
MiisreAa,g.
STRANGE ErITAPHS.


STRANGE EPITAPHS.
Ridiculous Inscriptions on Tomb
stOneS--A French Collection.
Fashion changes in everything, even
in epitaphs. A few generations ago,
says the Chicago Inter- Ocean, it was
considered the thing to put words in the
mouths of the departed and let them give
moral lectures to the living through their
inanimate tombstones. Warnings to the
lookers-on were quite matter of course,
and Charles Lamb, we believe it was, felt
as if he wanted to tell the departed to
mind their own business when the latter
declared so confidently on the marble
that the former must prepare for death
as it was close upon him. "Not so close
as you think, may be, you bundle o.
bones" said the indignant essayist Dis
raeli SAYS that men should not think OF
death, but of life; but it has been long
regarded as wise in q man to reflect
much upon the fact that life is short and
death inevitable, and that preparation
can only come with much consideration
Of this solemn subject There used to
be q hymn very popular at funerals
which had line inviting men to come
and view the ground where they must
shortly lie, but this kind Of melancholy
poetry has given place to another, equal
ly touching, perhaps, but more app,o-
pirate, as it pictures the joys of eternity
instead of the gloom of the grave, and
assures the mourning friends that the
parting is but for day.
1t hardly seems possible now, but
there were times when inscriptions upon
tombstones were often made to tell ridic-
ulous, and sometimes disparsging, things
about the sleeper underneath. Daniel
OConnell used to say that fair inter-
probation Of the Latin injunction, De
naortxis nil nisi bsnum, was, "when a
d rascal dies praise him :" but that
did not seem to be the idea of some of
the ancient fathers, who dabbled in epi-
taphs in England. The Rev. John Chest
got the following from some doubling
Thomas:
Beneath this spot lies buried
One Chest within another;
Tho outer chest was all that's coed:
Who says so of the other2
William Wilton, who was buried at
Lambeth 200 years ago, is said to have
the following for his epitaDh:
Here lyeth the body of W. W.
Who will never more trouble you, trouble you.
And Owen Moore got still harsher
one in this:
: Owen Moore has gone away.
OWN more than he could pay.
Though these are not complimentary,
the subjects OF them are indebted to the
epitaphs for the preservation OF their
names, as otherwise they would have
never appeared in print At this day.
Epitaphs 80 awkward in their con.
struction as to be amusing are common
One in Wexan churchyard must have
been written by an Irishman, for it de-
clares that
Here lies FIVE babies and children dear,
Three at 0westry and two here.
Such delightful bull could hardly be
perpetrated by an Englishman. Another
states that
Here lies the remains of
Thomas Misolm, who died in
Philadelphia, March. 1853;
Had he lived he would have
Been buried here.
The following is evidently English:
Here lies father and mother and sister and I;
We all died within the space Of one short year;
We be all buried at Wimble, except I;
And I be buried at here.
In the Newberry ohurchyard appears
the following, written, no doubt, by q
friend who enjoyed the company Of
"John" and "Mary," and was disposed
to give them due credit:
Here lays John. with Mary his bride
They lived and they laughed while they was
able,
And at last was obliged to knock under the
table.
Dryden is reported to have written
the following for bis wife's tombstone.
Fortunately she lived to see better one
on his own:
Here lies my wife; let her lie;
She's now at rest and so am I.
There are many bereaved husbands
and wives who never drop into poetry
except on the occasion Of the loss Of the
partner of their joys. This was the case
with Mr.. Shate, who immortalized his
wife in this thrilling stanza:
Here lies, cut down like unripe fruit,
The wife of Deacon Amos Shuts;
She died of drinking too much coffee,
Amy Dominy eighteen forty.
In Dickens last and uncompleted
novel edwin Drood," the bombastic
auc uclioneer, Mr.. Sapsea, is represented as
having composed this wonderful epitaph
for the tombstone of his beloved wife:
"Bethelinda Reverential wife of
THOMAS SAPSEA, Auctioneer, Val
uer, Real Estate Agent etc of this city
whose Knowledge Of the world though
somewhat Extensive Never Broght Him
Acquainted with Spirit more Capable
of Looking Up to Him. Stranger
Pause And Ask Thyself the Question
Canst Thou Do Likewise II Not with
ssa Blush Retire."
The following, it is safe to say, wat
not written by any personal friend Of the
deceased 1t was probably the work o.
some indignant relation cut of without
q shilling:
At rest beneath this churchyard stone
Lies stingy Jenny Wyatt;
He died one morning just at ten,
And saved dinner by it.
Three lines on. stone in st. Michael
churchyard, Crooked Lane, may fiji!
close this chapter on graveyard litera
|ture:
/ Here lies, wrapped in clay,
i The body Of William Wray,
I have nothing more to say.
|
/ The Greatest Blessing.
i A simple, pure, harmless remedy, tbs
cures every time, and prevents diseas
by keeping the blood pure, stomach reg
. ulor kidnava and liver active is th