Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1881-10-24

Hanging is capital punishment-espec-
tally when you're hanging on some good
looking girls arm.
Brush, the electric light man, predicts
that electricity will soon be stored for
family use. Think of sending your oldest
boy to the grocery store for a paper of
saleratus and a two-pound can of cleo
tricity.
"When the swallows homeward fly,"
"When the bloom is on the rye,' "And
the corn is gently waving, Annie DEAR"
81 will meet you at the gate" "Though it
may be rather late, and the hundredth
time pour taffy in your ear"
Mt. Desert has a strange woman who
tells fortunes for 81 head. A man gave
her a dollar, and she told him he was
fool. He became very indignant, but for
what reason we cannot understand, as we
think she was right. She had his dollar.
If you want to. know just how you
stand in the community ask your worst
enemy and your best friend, and then
strike a fair average. Most people
make the mistake of asking only their
best friends and taking that as the fair
average.
A loquacious man suffering from in
somania was advised by his physician to
get married. He took. the advice, and
maatinO tho dootor copoa +;poa of4o,. ,,,oe
asked: care you troubled with sleepless-
ness any longer?" ''Thank heaven, no,
he answered, "but my wife is"
There's no use in heaving old boots and
shoes over the line fence into your neigh
bor's garden. They won't grow. 1t has
often been tried and always proved a
failure. You're wrong, my boy; they
have been known to yield large returns,
especially if your neighbor is irascible.
ball room, will wear dress that would
subject her to arrest, displayed on the
| street. She will wear bathing costume
considerably curtailed at both ends, and
| oooANA oAO oOd1 O1 d bnOuSCluO eyes Uub
by accident she should be seen in robe
de muit, buttoned closely from throat to
feet she would raise the roof with hel
screams. O, fashion! Thou art great
fraud.
In the classic shades of Deadwood the
average native is not very choice in Sc
lecting the language used in advertising
a runaway wife. The notices are usual,
written and posted in the postoffices an(
saloons, where they will catch the eyes o
a majority of the population. A recen
one reads as follows sMy wife Sarah ha
Shook my rancho. When dident Doc
darned thing Too hur an want it de
stincly Understood that any man Tha
takes hur In an keers fur hur On my &C
count Viii git himself pumped so Full o
lead that Sum tenderfoot viii Locate hin
fur a Mineral clame. Iff she runs Hu
face fur goods won't Put up for her, al
Tie lick the son-of-a-tor-nado that talk
her stand-off even Fur the drink. wor
To the wise is sufficient an orter Wor
on fools too.'
The symptoms of itching piles are mois
ture, like perspiration, intense itching
! most at night, seems as if pin worms wer
crawling in or about the rectum. Th
more you scratch the worse they itch
very distressing. The private parts ar
often affected DIR. SWAYNE'S OINTMEN
is the most effective remedy extant for thi
tormenting complaint. Gives rest
night without that desire to scratch. Ais
has no equal in quickly eradicating tettel
itch, salt rheum, erysipelas, BARRIERS itcl
pimples, all scaly, crusty, itching ski
eruptions. Here is the proof: "Certalnl
the best remedy ever used IN my practlc'
Dr Cotton. Woodstock, Vt. !" ssTrouble
with itching piles for over twenty years
it cured me completely, L. S. Messer, FL
field, Me. Sent for 80 cts, in ct. stamp
8 boxes, s1.25, by DR.. Swayne & Sol
Philadelphia, Pa. Sold by all druggist