The Ottawa free trader., 1881-01-29
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
A sad affair-A coffin.
A striking talc-The whales.
Production Of the pen-A fat hog.
The balloonsrs home-One flight up.
humorous article A baby with the rash.
Clubs are to their members, meet and drink
Boston Post.
Strange as it may appear, every scaworthy
chip is for sail.
Sitting Bull will not be invited to the Garfield
Inauguration ball because it has been discovered
that he is not al Ohio man.
II you have desire to see a national and pa.
triotc kiss Just watch 4 Pluri bus Unum. -
Quincy Modern Argo
Something in Boston dispeascd Brother San
key He says "Thc Bostonians have great
deal better opinion OF themselves than the Lord
has Of them"
The girl who was courted by a spruce young
lawyer SAID she liked to be protected 10y the
etrong arm Of the law.-Iurners Fails Reporter
Baltimore clergyman recently preached on
the subject, "Why was Lazarus II bcggarT We
suppose because he didn't ADVERTISE burlington
Hdlrkeye.
st Louis claims to be the largest mule market
IN the world. That's why every time Chicago
editor goes down there he gets sold.
Extract from an irish orators temperance
speech; Drink" said he, "is curse 1t makes
man bate his wife, starve his children, and
nj. bn - l.,
Professor Roscdale tells us that among the
Arabs marriage Is considered matter Of money
instead OF matrimony. The distinction is re-
markably nne, even among civilized people
Professor. .-PHtsburg Telegraph.
What word in the English language of two
syllables becomes word Of one syllable BY the
addition OF two letters? Ague by adding pl be.
comes plague.
O! the tiny little ants,
How they Chamber up our pants
AT the picnic meath the willows IN the glen!
How they seem to take delight in
The obnoxious sport OF bitin'
1ndefensible and modest gentlemen!
Mistakes in Courtship" was the subject of
clergyman's discourse in this city on SUNDAY.
IT seems to US that 1t isn't 80 much in courtshlp
that people make mistakes. Courting's all
right It's the sad awakening from the rosy
dream that hurts. Moral-Keep on courting.
girl only eight years old was arrested in
Lowell, Mass, the other day, for drunkenness,
and an exchange says: "To complete the dis
graceful picture, the police let her lie ten hours
insensible in a cell without attention" or course
they ought to have pinched or dubbed her.
Here is an inscription on q soldier in the kirk
yard OF Dumfries:
Here lies Andrew Macpherson,
Who was peculiar person,
He stood six feet two
without his shoe,
Aud was slew
At Waterloo.
Father" said the elder heir, "is il proper TO
say we is rch, or we am richp" The old
man worked down into the hollow of his boot
under the insiep, remaining q long time In
thoughtful meditation, and then slowly replied ::
"Well, should say it would come higher to the
truth to say we hant rich"
Rhode Island has two senator's Ia the next
session Nevada may have two who will occasion.
slonany attend. Florida has two. so have all
the petty states, whose populations are not half
that Of Cook county But in the next congress
the great state Of New York will have but one
senator-Conkling aud obody.-Chicago Times.
Chicago Divorce Court: Judge-So your hus.
band has treated you cruelty, has he? Lady
les, your honor he has indeed. Judge-In what
respect' Lady-He said couldn't make mince
pies like his mother. Judge. He said that. did
he' The brute! Let the divorce be granted.
There Is a man In our town.
And he is wondrous wise:
Whenever he has goods to sell
He straight doth advertise;
And when he finds his goods are gone
With all his might and main
lie hurries in another lot
To advertise again.
ASwedish lady was brought before Ju,tjcs Wan
dell, OF the Tombs Court in New York, the other
day on charge Of drunkenness. "wbat il vour
name" asked the Justice. Jenny Llnd.n re-.
piled the lady with q courtesy "Well we'll vi
said the magistrate, many years ago. when ri
was young man, heard the great JENNY Lind
sing. Lean even now recall the pleasure | ex.
perienced. Because Of that recollection. and he.
leving what the policeman says, YOU NAV 90
Jenny Lind.'
"Conundrum! Guess 1t II you can,
And tell me, John, the answer
Wherein clumsy printer-man
Is like an honest dancers"
81 have 1t, Jane" "You haven't thoughr
'Id make dozen bets
One of them sets the forme you know.
The other forms the sets~
"shsrp answer, dear: but not the one
Wrought by my mental caper-
One Of them pays the piper, John.