Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1881-05-05
Tie Difficulties Of an Crater.

respond 10 the toast, Woman, to-mor-
row night, and | must prepare few
remarks. II we both 60 at i; we'll get
up something nice"
"What you want, " argued Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, entering into the spirit of the
undertaking, and tapping her teeth with
her thimble, what you want is woman
10 her various phases
"What want is Speech" retorted
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Theyhaven't put
me down for panorama. want a
short address, full OF good points and
pleasant things about the ladies. Now
shall begin, Fellow citizens"
"But women amt fellow citizens.
should say"
You'd say, fellow back BAR, that's
what you'd say. I'm addressingthe peo-
pie, and they're all men; don't you see 7
I've got to commence somewhere, and
then go on. Now Fellow citizens !;
regarding women, our origin, our COM
pamons, our posterity, our mothers, our
wives and our daughters, what more
can we say than that they gave US life,
make it happy and sooihe its decline
How's that?'
'tIs that the same woman I" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke. at don't strike me
that she would care to have it put in
that way, Why not say Fellow cIti-
zens we are assem-"
whats the matter with you" de-
handed Mr.. Spoopcndyke. 1--WE got
to open with sentiment, and you can't
find anything more graceful that that.
Then | will go on She rises in the
cradle, reaches her meridian at the
altar, and goes down in a flood Of dew
at the grave Can you grasp thati'
81 don't like that as well as the other,
demonstrated Mrs. Spoopendyke. "You
make her a mother while she is a baby,
and as Tor the grave part, you don't stop
to think that she may be another merl-
dian by getting married again. ! would
say something like this: Fellow citi-
Zens, we are assem-"
mo, won't either. Who's going TO
get married again Can't you see that
I'm only carrying out the first idea OF
origin, companlonship and postertyi
Rising in the cradle means giving us
birth. Now you hold up,-Suppose J
say next; we revere her as mother
adore her as wife, and-and say what
do we do for her as daughter;"
"Well, you might say we dress her
and educate her, and keep an eye on
her, and-and-and--"
"SpanS her? dod gastit! Spank her g.!
Why don't you say spank herr" howl
ed Mr. Spoopendyke. Cant you
think Of something poetical' I've got
that we revere our mothers and adore
our wives, and want something for the
daughter. Can't you originate some
thing"
ave provide ahome former Would
not"
eyes, OF course /" raved Mr. Spoo.
pendyke. That's the idea That fixes
it! All you want now is two prolong-
ed daughters, iovr continued appIaus-
cs,' one 'enlhusiams and "a voice to
to be an Grafton Fellow citizens, we
furnish her with poachcd eggs and
beans Fellow citizens, we revere her
as mother, we adore her as wife, and a.
daughter, we change the sheets once
a week Fellow citizens, we pass her
the gravy! Fellow citizensr -" yelled
Mr.. Spoopendyke, gesticulating like a
horse chestnuttree. "FeIIow citizens,
il she wants her beef rare we give it to
her! Fellow citizens, we give her all
the dod gasted butter she can paste on
her bread = is that what you want me
TO say? Expect I'm going TO stand
around and make a measly ass OF my.
self Fellow citizens, as mother we
revere her Fellow citizens, as wle
we adore her Fellow citizens, to help
man get up a speech she's the dod
slamdest donkey that ever raised
family! wah.h-h-h," shneked Mr..
Spoopendyke, parPle in the face "got
any more suggestions Know any more
eloquence - and the worthy gentle
man leaned back IN his chair speech
less.
Couldn't you leave her out altogeth-
err" recommended Mrs. Spoopendyke.
Cant you just revere her as mother
and adore her as wlie As for daughter,
you might pass it over with saying.
Fellow citizens, we are assem-"
Yes, or can cut her throat pro.
claimed Mr.. Spoopendyke. 81 can take
her to the pound | can salt her down
Tor Winter use bod gast the speech p
and Mr. Spoopendyke danced on the
fragment Of his notes. "To-morrow
night III answer that toast by telling
what dod gasted old mule YOU'D make
Of any man that would listen to you ~
and Mr.. Spoopendyke banged himself
into the bed like beer spiggot and
went to sleep.
"Well," thought Mrs. Spoopendyke,
as she took down her hair and put il
up again, 81 don't see why he couldn't
say: "Fellow- citizens, we are assem-
bled here TO say something poetcal
about women, and the best can say Is,
we show her when we don't always
love her, and we love her when we
don't always show it,. That's sensible
and it's SO" sighed Mrs. Spookendyke,
falling over her husbands boots, and
then the good woman opened the win
dow on her spouse's side of the bed,
and sttckino a four r,;ns IN tho nillouv /; :,