Weekly Chillicothe crisis. (Chillicothe, Livingston Co., Mo.) 1878-19??, 1881-01-27
COMEDY OF BLUNDERS.
Happy Exchange of 5ri'es and no
Robbery.

UUWGUI UT DlUNUCno'
Happy Exchange of Bri'es and no
Robbery.
The first time | found out was
in love with my cousin Edie was the
fixed for my wedding with
another young lady. The discovery
came rather awkwardly; for there was
my bride, Miss Euphemia Garlick, get
ting ready for the ceremony; and there,
at her fathers house, was the wedding
breakfast all prepared. The discovery
happened in this wise:-l had been
very nervous over the operation OF
dressing. In the first place | had ncy-
er been married before; secondly ! did
not profoundly care for my bride. She
was my senior by some seven yearS,and
bony for her age. She could not be
described as youthful,or as graceful, or
as sportive. There was little of the
lamb nature about her-eXcept her as
sociation with the Mint. For Miss
Euphemia was rich and | was poor and
overwhelmed with debt wherefore ]
had pressed my suit with the heiress,
and found both herself and her father,
an infatuated old noodle, with an ANA
teur taste for chemistry, prOpitiated by
the sacrifice.
On the morning Of my wedding |
had, out of sheer nervousness, rumpled
most of my shirts, and ruined most of
my clean collars, in agitated attempts to
dress myself. As a crowning piece of
ill-luck, burst the neck button-hOle of
my last shirt There was no time to
send out for new one; the marriage
hour was close at hand. | bethOught
myself of cousin Edic, then arraying
herself in the hOuse--Cousm Edie,
with whom had grown up, and whom
regarded as Il gentle sister. Edie
would, Of course, repair the slit button
hole. Accordingly Edie came with
workbox and needle and thread; and |
knelt before her as she sat- and Edie's
fingers were busy about my throat ;
and Il curious speculative discovery
came upon me that Edie was young
and pretty, and plump, and gentle, and
in all respects dssimilar to Miss Hu-
phemia Garlck,
"IIave you ever done this sort OF
thing before
Edie confessed she had-lor her faith.
er. began to put silly questions ia
Edic-abOut her lovers, and 50 forth
| was privileged TO do so, as cousin
She answered me laughingly, but repu.
dated the soft charges. Then
ventured to kiss Edie-alsO as Il cousin
And then as Edie ran out Of the room
to get pair of scissors, began tC
think that she was really very plump
and had velvety skin, and was as
guileless in the worlds ways as a club
by cherub by Rubens.
In this mood l lighted Oh the work
box she had left, and began to turr
over its contents. White bits of cot
ton, spotless as Edie's conscience
Black bits of cotton, somber as my FIJI
ture Thimble hollow and empty Il.
my head when | overlooked Edie as ;
possible wife, But then Edie was u
: poor as myself, whereas Miss Garlicl
Halo! what was this?
| came upon letter in that work
box--an open letter, commencing, "Sta
: Of my hopeless destiny" A letter in
mans hand writing, and full of bat
| spelling. And this shameless docu
| ment went on to speak of love passN
: ges in the past, of designations "unde
: the conscious stars" as the write
phrased it; of kisses given and eS
g changed. This imocent-Seeming-COuS
7 in of mine was not 50 guiless us sh
appeared. She had been guilty of phi
| andering, and that with fellow, as
saw by the signature-known to IN
1 brides family. For this Augustu
Numbers, whose writing it was,
n knew as a incoming BOBBY in the arm
0 IA romantic milk-sOp with colorles
o hair, so intimate with the Garlicks q
Il even to be invited TO the wedding
f | was horribly indignant at Edie
G duplicity, and at her choosing such
r, lover for her clandestine Irritation
S When she came back with the scissor
$ l taxed her roundly with her fault, AL
y showed her the letter. She started, an
seemed inclined to deny the charg
l. but ultimately took refuge in silenc
o | set off for church in very bad HI
e NOR, convinced that l had very pc
d ilous interest in Edie, and resolved
l. accommodate my conscience by takil
/. it out of Mr.. Maunders, even if, |
j. forcing him to declare his intention
h, it precipitated his marriage with n
h pretty cousin.
'e The party had not arrived at IL
IS church, but Garlick's house was wit
l. in a stones throw Of it. In my veX
ton would not wait. made for Il
X house, and met them in the lobby, h
lg carriages at the door. There was Il
1t perfdious Augustus Maunders amor
them.
,y l greeted not my stately bride.
lie stalked up to Lieut.. Maunders.
"Sirp l thundered, "I know allp
I'd The Lieutenant gazed at me feebl
H. Miss Garlick clasped her hands; h
father, habitual dotard, simp
blinked his eyes, as he did under 1
ed circumstances which passed his col
a prehension, and as most worldly C
cwustances did pass his comprehe
sion, always excepting the combinati,
yh of metals and gases, l paid little atte
n tion to him.