davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06
Kansas Atmosphere and Illinois Fish


Ponds.
Western Correspondence Kansas City Journal.
speaking of climate" said Dick,
'the climate of Colorado gets away
with Kansas badly. The water in that
country is clearer than the air is here.
I've seen fish in the lakes at q depth of
forty feet, and counted their scales,
but here the air is so dense you can
hardly get it up your nose, and l can't
see my lead mules morn half the
time
Now" said Jack, "you ought to
know better than TO talk that way;
you've driven the team all day, and
must know by this time that there's but
two of 'em, and they amt mules, but
horses
That's So" said Ike, "and as for
your clear atmosphere, I've heard dog
bark twenty miles in Kansas"
Dick drove in silence some time and
then inquired;
"Did any of you fellers ever fish with
q senew
The crowd nodded and Dick contin-
ued;
'Don't reckon any of you ever had
as big luck as I've had. I've fished in
the lagoons of the Illinois, and that's
fishing, tell YOU"
A silence of some minutes elapsed,
as we logged over the smooth plain,
the party in reflective mood when Dick
broke out again
speaking of fishing. I've helped to
drag out seventy-ive wagon loads at
one haul"
"How manyP" said Jack.
"Scventy-fve."
"But Dick, that's an awful pile Of
fish,"
Cant help it; we pulled 'om out all
the same"
"Why. Dick, that would DO pile Of
fish seven hundred and fifty feet long
and"
Cant help it if it's seven hundred
and fifty miles"
sand three feet wide and"
"No difference about tho width"
"And foot deep"
chats automatically krect, no
doubt; amt after figures. but fish,"
"Gontemen," said Ike, "this mans
statement Is correct, Twas present and
carried one end OF the seine myself, and
caught fifty bushels Of fish In the seat
Of my breechcs."
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06
Shootee Putty Good,

At Carson City, recently, Young Kee,
q celestial, visited the military rifle
practice. lie was asked to try shot.
To the surprise Of the military men, no
accepted, and essayed to shoot from q
knee rest, and also while lying down.
Ho was told that he must shoot Off
handed. This he refused to do, but fl
nally was allowed TO have his own way,
when, coiling himself up on his side,
no thrust the barrel OF the rifle between
his feet and aimed for the 200-yard tar
get. Three minutes elapsed, during
which time tho soldier boys Uttered and
chuckled at the Chinaman. At lust
when they began TO think he had fallen
asleep, hepulled the trigger and made
bulls eye. He continued firing until
he had made 8 bulls eyes In succession,
when, returning the rifle, he remarked,
"Melican mans gun shootce putty
good"
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06

The danger of violent exercise is il
Illustrated in the case of Prof. Cannon, n
Cincinnati athlete. He was formerly n
powerful man, and had abnormally de-
veloped his muscles as director of a
gymnasium. His health failed sudden
ly year ago, and now he is dying of
consumption. lie firmly believes that
his decline was caused by blow in the
chest, and has brought suit for dam
ages against tho man who struck him;
but the medical testimony all agrees
that he developed the disease by strain
ing his system in lifting. A common
feat with him was TO lift 800 pounds
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06

How often persons have been annoyed
by burrs clinging to their dress or clothing
and how seldom have they, when cleaning
them, given it thought that Burdock
Root is the most valuable blood cleanser
and purifier known, and is sold by every
druggist under the name OF Burdock
Blood Bltters Price $l.00, trial size 10
cents,
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06
A Liberal Offer.

Wagner & Co. Michigan Ave. 81 Jackson
st. Chicago, offer to send Electric Belts,
Bands, etc, for the cure of Nervous Deblli-
ty and other diseases, free, for examination
and trial before purchasing. These Elec-
t1c Devices are the invention Of DR.. d. A.
JOY, of the University of Michigan, and are
claimed to be the only Electric Devices OF
Appliances for the cure of diseases that
have yet been constructed upon scientific
principles. See their advertisement in this
paper.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06
CAUGHT a Tartar.

Two Englishmen were out shooting;
one had license; the other had not
A keeper approached, and the one that
had a license ran away. The keeper
was good runner, and an exciting
chase ensued. AT last the keeper got
up to the runaway.
Now, sir, where is your licenseP"
1t was produced.
"Then why did you run away"
80, I'm fond of exercise" answered
the man; "but don't you think you'd
better ask my friend if he has oneP'
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06
Visible Improvement.

Mr. Noah Bates, Elmira, N. Y, writes
"About four years ago had an attack OF
bilious fever, and never fully recovered
My digestive organs were weakened and
would be completely Frustrated for days
After using two bottles OF your Burdock
Blood Bitters the improvement was so visi
bic that l was astonished. ! can now
though 81 years of age, do fair and
reasonable days work." Price 800, trial
size 10 cents.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06

The leading Scientists Of To-Day agree that most
diseases are caused by disordered Kidneys or LiY
er u, Therefore, the Kidneys and Liver are keptlu
perfect order, perfect health will be the result
This truth has only been known short time and
Tor years people suffered great agony without be-
ing able 70 ind relief The discovery OF Warmers
saie Kidney and Liver Cure marks q new era In
the treatment Of these troubles. Made from q
simple tropical leaf OF rare yaiuc II contains just
the elements necessary ~ nOursh and inyigoraie
both OF these great org ans, and safely restore aud
for all the diseases that canse pains IN the lower
part Of the body TOrpii Liver lleadachcs-
Jaundicc-D Dizziness GrayeiFeycr, Agne Mala
IiAl Feyef and all difficulties Of The Kidneys Liver
aud Urinary Organs
Itisan excellent aud safe remedy for females dur
Ing Pregnancy. n viii control McnrtruuiiUn and
Il invaluable for Le c0rThma or falling Of the
Womb.
Az Blood Purifier II is unequaIed, for II cures
the organs that make the blood.
READ THE RECORD
1T saved my life II. Il. Lakely, Selma, Ala
at IL the remedy that will care the many dis
cases peculiar 70 " men. ~" MothcrE Magazine
ut has passed severe te,ts and won endorse
menis from some Of the highest medical talent IN
the country. New York World.
mo remedy heretofore discovered can be held
for one mOmen; IN comparison with IL Roy. G.
A. Harvey, D, Washington, u. q.
This Remedy, which has done such wonders. (.
put up In the LARG EST SIZED BOTTLES Of ans
medicine upon the market. and Il sold by druggist
and an dealers 81 81 u per bottle For DiabrtcF
enquire for WABSEK'S SAPE DIABETES CURE
Il isG POSITIVE Remedy.
II. II WARNER 81 co, Rochester y, Y
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06
Rub 1t In.

Jacob Loockman, ga Clinton Street, Buff.
falo, N. Y says he has been using Thomas
Eclectric Oil for rheumatism. lie had
such lame back that he could do nothing;
but one bottle entirely cured him. Paul
G.. Schulz, Agent.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06

course OF this medicine will restore tie Lost func'
tions and procure health and happiness, where be-
fore was dependency and gloom Tho SPECIFIC
Gees,
Pamphlets sent free to oil Write for them and
get full particulars,
ages tor s. 90. VIII be sent by mail on receipt oi
money. Address all orders,
j. b. SIMPSONS MEDICINE CO.,
Nos. lO4 and l06 Main St.. Bulalo, N. Y.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06

Sarah Bernhardt is again the lioness
Of Paris. Alexandra Dumas, Jr., went
to Havre TO see her disembark, and ON
shaking hands, exclaimed: This is 0
return from the other worldV'
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06
Entire Satisfaction Rendered.

Such is substantially the report of b. T.
Worland, Esq, Concordia, KY, who
writes: | have been selling st. Jacobs Oil
for some time, and find it gives entire salts.
faction. In several cases of rheumatism
under my observation the cure was com.
plete.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06

TIANEY'S TRADE MANUALS. Painter, 80 cts
HCarpenter, 20. Matchmaker, and Joweler, 30.
Raker 80. Candymakcr, 90 Taxdermist, 3D.
Glider, 50. Furniture and Cabinet Finisher 80.
Artist. 3d. Soapmsker, 25. Horse shoes, 25
Wood.engraver 81, OF booksellers or by mail
JESSE HANEY 81 co, 1l9 Nassau street n. X.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06

Seriously wounded: Miss Lilliwhite,
who is about to marry, remarked on
Memorial day that she could sympathize
with the brave boys in blue, having
lost her hand in an engagement. - Bos-
ton Transcript
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06
Warmers Safe Kidney and Liver Cure.
Certain knowledge.

We know whereof we affirm when we
say that Warmers Safe Kidney Cure has
performed more wonderful cures than any
medicine ever brought before the ..mcrican
public.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06

CANCER. No Knife. No Pam. No Sick.
ness. No Fearful Treatments. Treatise
free. Go or send to DR.. Kline, 03l Arch
St., Phiada, Pa.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06
SPRING
INDIGESTION
Artemas Ward 8 Franks.

once shared his room and bed at q
miserable tavern in Oxford county.
The house was old and rickety, the
window ratified hideously in the case
ment. the chill November wind came
through a couple of broken pancs with
too much force for comfort; and sleep
was nearly impossible. After turning
and tossing awhile in vain endeavor
to court forgetfulness. ARENAS arose,
and lifting the lamp made most
solemn survey Of the room in everv
part. Presently he emerged from a
deep closet in the corner with dlapi-
dated hoop-skirt in his hand, which he
gravely hung up before the window.
"Now, what are you doingP' was asked
of him. ARENAS slowly placed the
lamp on the floor, turning to me look
Of pity, and with an argumentative ges-
tlre of his right hand half muttered TO
himself; twill keep out the coarsest
of the cold, anyway
Artemus was known in the family
and among his schoolmates as "Chub,"
a name given him by his facetious
brother Cyrus, as satire on his tall,
gaunt makeup.
Half dozen of his associates were
sitting one day at the village hotel
where he boarded, when an old woman
drove up to the store opposite with a
pair of donkeys-a jack and a jenny
hitched to little wagon. Jack was
the noisest brute in the country. He
had voice worse than the handle of a
town pump on frosty morning, and
was proud of it. In minute his tail
rose to a horizontal, his nose was
thrust forward, his lips parted, and the
beast blew his Internal blast. A second
and third time it was repeated. Ar
temus quietly thought ''that thing
might be fixed" and disappeared from
the room. He went over and appeared
TO make a careful inspection of the fore
wheels Of the wagon, the harness, and
the hitchup; and came back saying
that the donkey was all right; the brute
must have made mistake about some-
thing, Presently there were indications
of movement on Jacks part; the
neck was extended, the lips curled and
the tail roseto the pivotal point and
no farther. The trumpet didn't sound.
Jack thought there was mistake
somewhere hesitated - reflected and
tried again. The front part, some of
it, was all right; but the equilibrium
could not be reached. After time an
other attempt was made and failed.
Jack turned his head around to ascer-
tain the cause of the failure, but could
not see any. The fifth vain attempt to
bray was followed by spiteiul kick at
Jenny, but it didn't cure the matter.
At last he gave it up and stood at the
store door the most neglected looking,
disconnected donkey in existence
Meantime, Artemus enjoyed the fur
and discharged rafting fusilade Of
pungent humor that kept the party in q
roar, and made the whole affair one OF
the most ludicrous that ever expert
enced. Artemus had attached heavy
stone TO the donkey's tail, leaving just
play enough to the cord to allow the
beast to get bis tail nearly up to "con-
certpitch. ~ Friends "Reminiscences.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06

80
Age and diseases
that lead to Con
sumption lnsani.
ty and an early
grave, or both.
No matter how
shattered I h Q
system may be
from excuses OF
any kind, u short
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06

BoIIs, pimples on the face, salt Rheum,
old sores, and all cutaneous eruptions dis.
appear like magic when DR.. Lindsey's
Blood Searcher is used.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06

The coinage OF gold was almost sus-
pended in Holland recently, rs the
commercial price of gold was too high
to permit the coinage unless for export
for special purposes.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06
MEDICAL.
TO Nervous Sufferers The Great European Rer-
odypr 4 n gimpson's SppcitiC Medicine

DR.. n. Simpsons Specific Medicine is posi-.
tive cure for Spermatorrhea, lmpotency Weakness
and all diseases resulting from selfAbuse: az Ner'
vous Debility, lrritabillty, Mental Anxiety languor,
Laseitude, Depression oof Sprile and nnctional dc
rangements of the Nervous System generally rams
in Hack or Side. Loss of Memnry. PTom1lnre OlG
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-06
LYDIA Z. PINKHAM'S
VEGETABLE COMPOUND.
s-a---ss--s-s.~z-~A~as-
For all Female Complaints.
The Positive Cure

This rr,rnratssn as its name signifies, consists OF
Vegetable Properties that harmless 70 the most del
Icate invalid. Upon one trial the merits OF this Con
pound win be recognized as relief "a immediate and
when IT, uss s continued In ninety nine ca5 In hun.
drd parrnaneut Is effected A. Thousands will tes'
rfy on account Of IT, proven merits, II is to-day re-
commanded and prescribed BY the best physicians In
the country.
II will cure entirely the worst form Of falling
Of tho uterus, Isucorrh0a, irregular and painful
Mens,ruAtion all ovarian Troubles, Inflammation and
liberation. FloodingS ali Dspaeemcn,s and the con-
sc1uent spinal weakness and Ia especially adapted 10
the Change Of Life II viii dissolve and erp.i tumoFs
from the uterusin early stage Of Development Tho
tendency 10 cancerous humors there II checked very
Ipeedly by itsuse
In fact Il has proved to be the great
est and best remedy tina, has ever been discover
ed IL peneAtes every portion Of the system, and gives
new lfeAnd vigor Itremoyes fsntness fAtuency do
struys ali craving for STIMULATES and relieves weakness
CT the stomach
=, cures Floating Headaches, Nervous Prostra'ion,
General Debility slceplessness. Depression and Ind
gesior That feeling OF bearing down, causing pain,
weight and backache ~ always permanently cured by
ia use IL viii lat all tnoS, and undera ctrcumstan
ces, act In harmony with the law that governs the
femalesyStem.
For Kidney Complaints Of either this compound
tsunsurpassed.
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
sprcpared at ss1 and 2s5 Western Avenue, Lynn Mass
Price sloo. Six bottles for $500 Sent by mail in the
form Of pills also in the form Of Lozenges on receipt
Of price, 800 per box. FOR either. Mrs PfNkHAs
freely answers all letters OF inquiry. SEND for pam
billet. Address as above Mention thus paper.
No family should be without LYDIA T. PINRHAM
LIVER PILLS. They cure Constipation, BilousDess
and Torpdity OF the Liver, Is cents per box
FOR SALE BY DRUGGISTS.
RICHARDSON & CO., st. Louis, Mo.
Wholesale ageuis for LYDIA K. PTNKHAM'
Vegetable Compound.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-01-22
dFTER TIE THEATER.

TrN dollars. Quite asum to pny
For one VIM earu- bur four day,
For Just single evenings fnn.
Ir seems 81. now the thing Is done.
Thr, g Tor the carriage. for you know
never could ask HI. TO go
With thar swell dreSs-tJc shade ecru,
And train strung out n yard or two
in. plain horse-ca-. Aud so nice
she boxed | do not gruige tine price.
Three more for seats-down center aisle
And four rows hack-just right for style
The curtain ruse. Howl time Will pass
While gazing through an opera glass
The curtain fell. once more we stood
Out side. and then the thought of food
Itself presented. she said yes,
She felt quite hungry. You can guess
That what we ate, with Just bit
of rosy wine tn season il,
Used up that other four. Time spell
Itook her home. Goodnight was said.
Then TO my own home came l straight;
And here | sit and mediate.
The cash had four hours ago
Is gone. I've naught for il to show.
Have regrets for il? Not one.
Twas folly, but, by Jove, twas fun!
-BostOn Post.
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-01-22

THERE was n brave soldier. colonel.
Who swore in a way most infolonei.
But he never once thought,
As a Christian man ought.
He imperiled his own life etolorei.
-Steubsnelle Herald.
We are informed by a fashion eN-
change that checks are to be worn. We
think it were about time check were
put upon the fashion.-Yonkers States
man.
SCENE in restaurant: Man with his
coat off. struggling with apiece Of steak.
calls out to the proprietor: "Say. don't
the horns go with this ere MEATH
Wheeiiny Leader.
"DOEs education civilizeg' asks the
Press. No, sir. certainly not 1t is ed
ucatiOn that prevents thousands OF men
from making their mark.-Phitattelph'o
Chronicle Herald.
A TOLEDO naturalist has satisfied
himself beyond adoubt that the average
cat travels a distance OF eight miles
every night, when there is no earthly
reason for her moving q rod. -Detro1
Free Press.
A BASEBALL boy tripped. fell, and
tore his clothes while chasing a stray
chicken in a neighbours lot. he told
his mother he had been sent to grass by
foul. She reached for home base, and
the youth went on a strike. bowling Tor
the old man to act as referee.
He was fine looking man. and he
proudly strutted down the sidewalks
with the air Of proprietorshiP in every
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-01-22
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.

Mr.. THOMAS HcGHEs Is already lee
turing in London on his recent visit to
America
LORD BEACONsFrELD. it is now stated.
wrote Endymion'' twenty-five wears
ago, and it has been published with no
material alteration.
SIDNEY SMITH once thus cleverly de-
scribed Mrs. Grole and her husband:
II do like them both so much, for he is
so ladylike and she is such q perfect
gentleman"
The late Prof. Watson, was the dis
coverer OF no less than nineteen planets
and asteroids, and of two comets. lie
maintained for years, up TO the time Of
his death, the existence Of planet be-
yond Neptune. and spent some years in
fixing its location by calculations.
The first volume OF the history of the
war which is being gotten up under the
auspices Of the War Department has
been published. l. deals with the
events preceding the firing on Fort
Sumter, which ended in secession. No
such gigantic historical undertaking was
ever before begun.
GAMBETrA. as he rises to speak in
the tribune, is described rs clumsy,
dull-visaged man, dressed in ill-iittiny
and shabby clothes. But after few
moments' speaking he seems another
being. his face lights up. his gestures
are telling. and his voice has the resou-
ant tones of man of power.
NATHANIEL HAwruORSF's shvuess
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-01-22
CONFESSIONS OF A CANDIDATE.
tt. Brief Political Career or Prentice
MuIford-A Mcrcenary View Of States
nnen.hIp-NOveI Methods OF CanSnssinx-
Utter Rout mt the Polls

m.n.hIp-NoveI Methods OF Canvnssing-
Utter Kout mt the Polls
THIS is the confession of political
villain; not, however, a perjured pollti-
cal villain. l never swOre to run for
office for my country's good. Ibid run
once for an office for my own good. l
was unsuccessful. Virtue has its own
reward; so has vice. The wicked do
not always flourish like green bay
trees. Indeed, Judging from home
experience, am hot prepared to say
that they flourish at all. The fall polit-
ical campaign of 1867 came on while
l was carrying nv comic lecture about
the camps of Tuolumne, Stanilaus and
Mariposa. A thought one day took
possession of me, why not run for the
Iegislature?' 1 belonged to political
party. My frozen toes troubled me q
good deal, and the lecture did not pay
much over expenses. ] consulted with
one of the pillars of our party. He be-
longed in Oak Flat took the pillar
behind Dan Munn's store, on Rattle
snake Creek, and avowed my intention.
The pillar took a big chew of tobacco,
stared. grinned and said: '.Why not?"
\
Bob Loves store in MonteZuma. He
was throwing dirt from prospect-hole
with long handled shovel. He leaned
on the shovel. blew his nose au ndtureI
without artificial aid. grinned. and after
some deliberation, said: "Why not?"
found another pillar of our party slum-
ming out reservoir near Jamestown.
He was enveloped in yellow mud to
his waist. and smaller bodies of mud
plastered him upward. A short pipe
was in his mouth and a slumguiliOn
sh ovel in his hand. He said: Go in for
it and win"
ENTERING THE FIELD.
With less assurance and more fear
and trembling consulted with other
and more influential party pillars in
Sonora, the county town. Some besi-
tated; some were dignifed; some
cheeredme on; some said, "Why not?"
made the same remark to myself. and
replied "Why not?" The Assembly
was good gate for entering the pOliti-
cal field. Ny ideas of its duties were
vague. OF my own qualifications for
the post dared not think. But what
matter? Other men no better qualified
than had gone to Sacramento. received
their ten dollars per diem and came
back alive. l could do that. They
seemed to stand as well as ever in the
estimation of their constituents. Then
"Why not?" The die was cast. / an
nounced myself in the county paper as
candidate for the State Assembly. The
County Convention assembled at So
nora. 1t was body distinguished for
wisdom and jurisprudence. Somebody
nominated me. Iarose and paid some
body else five dollars. This was the
first price of ambition. Then / found
myself making my nominating speech.
1t was very successful speech. | left
out politics altogether. made no pledges,
discussed no principles and talked no
sense. At first the audience stared.
Then they laughed immoderately at
times. So did |. Then they nominated
me by reclamation. 1t was one of the
proudest moments of my life. although
! did not know il at the time. Taken
for all in all, it was no wonder they
laughed. was obliged to laugh my
Dodge City times. [volume] (Dodge City, Kan.) 1876-1892, 1881-01-22

IT was at a sale stable on Fifth street,
and tired-looking horse was brought
before the crowd. A dozen voices arose
in bid of twenty-five dollars, and in
the noisy way in vogue at horse auc-
tons. the bidding swelled to perfect
din. The bidders were hoarse, and the
hoarser they became the more vocifer-
GUS were their bids. The poor animal
looked completely bewildered. The
auctioneer al last shouted: "Going for
fifty dollars; am l offered no more?
Gone for fifty dollars. Here's your
horse, SIR" Before he could ask the
name of the purchaser the exhausted,
deafened, bewildered beast dropped on
his side and kicked his last--Cincin-
natl Commercial.