The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-06-02
HUMOR.

Make weather predictions if you want
to be talked about. 7'if =
If minister can receive the title of
DR." why cannot a physician have the
title of Rev p'' tti 'tl s..i.,
Brady was no actor, and yet he had
a stage route laid for himself and was
the biggest kind of an asterisk.
! Fight fife's battles in the easiest way.
| Remember that it is the sutler, not the
soldier, who makes money. out of war.
Boston Transcript. ''' 2yif7l
The man who can find out why fish
won't bite when the wind blows from
the east can draw on fifty different men
for q new hat. t.sa
Perhaps some one can tell why it is
that the more apples taste like saw-dust
the higher price they bring. Is there
any scarcity of saw-dust in this countlyp
The latest way of approaching a New
Yorker is to ask: .'How much do you
think you'd sell for?" Everything smart
always comes from New York. -
The Mormon Bishop who will marry
a family of pretty girls and then have
their mother sealed to an unprotected
deacon is 4 mean man.
In one week sixty-six vessels arrived
and departed from Hong Kong, and out
of that number only one was an Ameri-
can. Doesn't that look as if we ruled
the wave?
Watch your cat. If her hair bristles
up, her eyes roll and her teeth clatter
together, it is a sure indication of an
earthquake, and you should 60 and pay
your debts. s,s..I-
At fire in Greenpoint, N. Y, in a
box factory, negro named CarsOns
found he must take a drop of forty feet,
and he cried out, ..Look out down dar,
for lie coming down wild bangr'
Philadelphia is a place where the cir
Gus goes to stay during the winter, after
the tenting season is over. The animals
of the different menageries enjoy the
quiet of the town.-N. q. Picdyune.
The Boston Post is authority for. the
following plausible lie: "a South End
girl thanked man who gave her his
seat in street car, and he married her
and proved to be. worth 100000. i
"When / was young man," says the
philosopher Billings" was always in
hurry to hold the big end of the log
and do all the lifting; now am older,
1 seize hold of the small end and do all
the grunting."
DR.. Watts sings that 'sbirds in their
little nest agree" but a London ornith-
ologist boldly asserts that there are as
many domestic rows in birds nests rs
among the barnyard fowls. Tho small
est bird usually is tho noiciest and
fiercest. sa f-7'
Any one would suppose. from viewing
the piles of cheap pistols in the pawn
brokers windows. that they were sold
by the bushel. No wonder, every loafer
carries one. and that they find their
way into the Jail chicago Ne,cs. -za
There are nearly 100000 rabbits
cooked and put into cans for export in
Australia in single year. sa OCCASIONAL,
ly kangaroo gets in with the rest. but
il is all the same Nobody will kick
about it except the kangaroo. Neso'
YORK Mail - .'i'i .'I''' g "a s4
Who said that house divided against
itself could not stands? Turkey has had
was or revolt or riot in every province.
and been under the thumb of Europe,
for the past folw or live years, and yet
she stands up like d decision of, the SUI
preme Court. --ilL
Yes" said the tramp, they talk
about the charitable Institutions of Bos-
ton. Now, u man can 90 down to the
Hawkins Street Home and get a supper
and lodging, and he's got to saw foot
of wood to pay for it j by snakes, sir,
don't call that charity. - Boston Post
1t takes Boston man for shrewdness
Mr.. Ragbag wanted to mash couple
of pretty girls who stood before a mil
liners window, and he paused and in
ecstacy exclaimed: '.What A love of a !
bonnetr' And both those girls thought,
be happy with. Post. .. |