The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1881-08-02
MIrTY, Wise AID oraEawIsr.

Model wives formerly took "a stitch 10
time;" now, with lbe aid Of asewing ma.
chine, they take one in no time.
We know q cat that was drowned In the
creek. Next day the cat appeared Of the
back window with the creek in It's back
Alderman O,Flauelmouth-"Be kserlulr
Mrs. 0'Tools, an don't lit any won see
me, fur it's all the prominent people
what's getting shot st."
"Don't show my letters" wrote q young
man to q young lady whom he adored.
"Don't be sfrsi5," was the reply, I'm
just ID much ashamed OF them Rs you are"
What confusion it would create in that
Concord School OF Philosophy II some Que
should offer a resolution asking what the
members had been talking about!
Tia we'll 10 quote the csnIus number,
TO show tue ~gfeaintsi oil y nation,
But better vets the green cutuInber
10 double up the population.
"MY mother is going to get a new piano."
said one little girl to another, the other
day. "0h, that's nothing" replied the
other, "My mothers going to get q
divorce"
~ shapt be gone long" said Fogg, as he
started out the other evening to 90 to the
"lodgs," an be RICH. back" "See that
you come back right, also" remarked Mrs
F., significantly.
Houseksepsr-now can you tell II an
egg Is bad? One way to tell 10 to tsste It.
II It makes you 60 sick that you want 10
die to get rid Of the taste, you can feel
pretty sure it's y bad egg.
"Your meal is ready, cir" said the
waiter to Hayseed, just from the rural dis
triCts. "Meal!" exclaimed HAyBeed, con.
%temptuouSly, "do yer think l'm a boss?
Get me sCme CoTned beef and cabbage,
young man."
A prudent girl: "Mary is a very good,
prudent girl. She says 10 me one day as
she was breaking the Cnrd; Mother, I'll
never let loose my affections on no man
until | have proved him 10 be pious aud
In good circumstance
"HelIo! Uncle Nose, helIow cried Jim
Webster ~ he hurried down Austin
avenue, trying to overtake the cd man,
BE keeriul, Jeames, be kesrlul how you
undress yo'self to me; | amt no lele.
phone" replied the indignant deacon.
A vmaAr girl, nov In detroit,
Went " look at the comet, and slW II,
Next aight she and harley
Occupied tue porch early,
And repeated her former exploit
The name OF the town Of Red Rose,
Ark, was first called Tulip" Then 1t
was changed to "Smtthville;" then to
CLYDE City," then to "%POkerville;" then
to "Bluf Corners" aud lnslly to cred
Rose" Next year It will smell IS sweet by
some other name.
When Martin Murphy and his sweet.
heart were married In Ireland, fifty years
ago, only one friend attended them. Last
week, when they celebrated their golden
wedding In the beautiful Santa Clara val.
ley, California, three thousand guests
shook them by the hand.
An exchange says: "a man lives In
this vicinity who states that he first met
his wife In q storm, took her to the first
ball In u storm, popped the question IN q
storm, was accepted in u storm, and has
lived In a storm ever since" That cOu.
pie must have been Mr.. and Mrs. Cy
Clone.
An industrious tradesman having taken
q new apprentice, Gwoke him at q very
early hour on the first morning by calling
out that the family were sitting down to
table. "ThRnk YOU" said the boy, IS he
turned over in the bed 10 adjust himself
for II new nap-"thank you, / never eat
anything during the night"