New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1881-06-22
HUMoR.

Inc Suu'icn cr:tmp tnaC attacK6 lazy
boys just about school time is one Of
the Oldest brands of sham pain.
A young lady who had ordered home
pair OF unusually high-heeled- boots
was finished by the announcement by
Bridget, fresh from answering the door
bell. IF ye PLACE, miss, there's a man
in the hall below wild a pair of stills for
yez. -
Indignant traveller: ''Why didn't you
wake me up, as l asked you Here I
am miles beyond my station" Il did
try, but all l could get out of you was,
All right, Maria get the children
their breakfast, and I'll be down in
minute.''
After a pretentious and almost beard
less fop had been shaved, he asked the
barber how much he was to pay.
''Nothing," was the reply, '.N0thing?
How is that % '.Oh, I've only been
honing my razor on your cheek" said
the barber.
''How came you to be lost ?'' asked
sympathetic gentleman, of little boy
lie found crying in the street for his
mother. II amt lost" Indignantly
exclaimed the little three ycar-old, ''but
m-m-my mother is, an l ca-ca-can't
find her."
''Jones, if there were burglars in my
house, and I knew it, by lingo I'd"
..Weii, Smith, what would You do ~
I'D do whatever they required of me.
I never had my way in that house yet,
and it's too late to commence now
yes, too late,
''The best name for firm of wine
merchants that I ever heard Of" OBJ
served an eminent teetotaler, sis Wis
dom and Warter." An Irish gentle
man remarked that there must be some
mistake in the second syllable of the
first name, which ought to be "key."
Retired Merchant Ito seed party):
you're a schemer, sir !! You tell my
servant you want to see me on business,
and when I come to you, you bcg,'
Respectable Mendicant: s'Well, yer
needn't get so red in the face about it.
Begging is my business amt it p
1t may be that the answer of tho poor
scrvant-girl may find response in
other hearts. Someone said to her,
''Well, Mary, hear you left your old
place. Where do you live now - She
replied with a pleasant smile, .'Please,
marin, don't live nowhere now-Tm
married"
"Why, Jenny, you foolish girl, come
into the house What are you out in the
snow for, without wraps ?'' ooh, moth
ing much. ma. You see, Augustus has
just called, and here are his footprints
in the snow. I'm measuring to get the
right size for those slippers, and do you
know, don't believe I've got half cloth
enough in them"
A chinese medical work tells how to
treat a person troubled with nightmare.
1t says that you should not rudely
awaken him by bringing in light, but
that you should bite his toe, blow in
his car through small tubes, pull out
fourteen hairs from his head, twist them
together, and tickles his nostrils with the
ends. Paste this in your night cap.
Fair Purchaser: "Have you any but
ter--purc butter, upon your honor -
Mr.. Potts: '.Well, as you put it to me
that way, mem, Pm afraid must say
I Lavn't. The buffers adulterated with
olcomargarinc, I'm told" F. p:
''Then I'll try the olcomargarine alone.
They say in the house it's perfectly
wholesome" Mr.. P: Well. mem.
there you have me again. The oleo-
margarine would be wholesome, only
it's adulterated with butter, you know"