Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-04-30
WIT AND WISDOM.
,rrA1 motion q. Scandal.

WHEN it comes to descending ladder
the bravest of us generally back down.
GENERALLY speaking, outside OF the
legal fraternity there is not o great
deal of clothing 60 be found In a law
suit.
MANS LOT: An exchange says that
'twixt women and wine mans lot Is to
smart the VINE makes his head ache
and women his heart.
THEY are laughing at a travelling
Englishman who complained IN Syra-
cuse, "I can't get me luggage, forI lost
me brasses, you know"
4 Boston Sunday-school boy when
asked to " stand up and say his verse"
did it thus {" BE not overcome OF evil,
but come it over evil with good"
PERPETUAL motion is perhaps impos-
sible to obtain, but you can approx
mate it by putting boy on chair at
funeral and telling him to sit still.
WoN'T some chemist invent a face
powder that does not contain lead and
tastes good? Our young men are dy-
ing of lead poisoning, and kissing is go
ing out of fashion.
A SUCCESSFUL orator A member Of
the Colorado Legislature, in addressing
that august body, began "My fellow
statesmen" His bill passed unani-
mously.
AN Alabama doctor, who mixes dent
istry with his practice, charges " fifty
cents if you don't holler, dollar if you
do" In fifty years he has yanked out
two thousand teeth.
A LADY stepping out of cab remarks
to the coachman "You have q remark
ably bad horse, my friend" ''Oh,"
says the coachman, she's only little
negligent, that's all !"
A woMAN's rights advocate asks: els
there anything a man can do that
woman can't do ?" Is there? Why,
bless your soul, ma'am, a man can see
a COW without wanting to climb q
fence.
SAID Edith to her doll "There,
don't answer me back. You mustn't
be saucy, no matter how hateful L am.
You must remember I am your mother +
Strange, what curious ideas children
get into their heads sometimes.
ACCORDING to Josh Billings: "Pa-
shence is a good thing for man to
hav but when he haz got so much vo
it that he kan fish all day over the side
ov boat without eny bait on his hook
lazyness is whats the matter with
him."
A PERSON overheard two countrymen,
who were observing a naturalist in
field collecting insects, say one to the
"a ell l1sra
John ?'' "Why, he's q naturalist" "
"What's that ?" "Why, one who catches
gnats, to be sure"
"MR. GmHooLY," said diminutive
boy, with handful of bills, "when are
you going to pay this bill for them boots
you have got on?" "How old are you,
sonny?" "Ten years DID," $50 tell
your father that you have got too much
curiosity for your age"
STICK lighted wick in q sample of
butter, and let it burn for about two
minutes. At the end of that time, when
the wick is extinguished, an odor like
that given off by tallow candle when
its flame is blown out is readily per-
ceived if the butter is artificial.
A YoUNGsTER was sent by his parents
to take letter to the post-office and
pay the postage on it. The boy re-
turned highly elated, and said: "Fath-
er, seed lot of men putting letters
in little place, and when no one was
looking, I slipped yours in for nothing"
s'MY SON." said Harlem father, as
he gripped his boys ear and led him to-
wards the garret, ''every blow strike
hurts me as much as 1T does You"
"Well, father, 'replied the blubbering
urchin, "iust you boo hoo hit
light, and-bool hoo You won't git
hurt bad"
Mr.. BROWN boasts of the advantages
of gymnastic exercise "Nothing bet
ter for the health; it doubles ones
strength it prolongs ones ifeP II
"But," somebody remarks, our
fathers did not practice gymnastics, and
yet" "True enough, but every one
of them died"
THEY had been engaged for long
time, and one evening were reading the
paper together. "Look, love" he ex-
claimed, ''only S15 for a suit of clothesp
s'Is it wedding suit 2" she asked,
looking naively at her lover. "Oh,
no." he answered, cit is q business
suit" "Well, meant business" she
replied.
A REPORTER of Western journal was
sent to Washington to look up certain
Senators. He arrived on Sunday, and
went around among the churches to
find the statesmen. Not finding them
he telegraphed the fact to the managing
editor, who replied, "Look for them in
some place where the sign says, NO
drinks sold on Sundays
STANDING on his dignity: A prohi-
bitionist went into Galveston saloon,
under the influence of liquor, and asked
a prominent politician to treat. "You
can't be thirsty again. You have just
had drink" "Of coursh (hic) I'm
not thirsthy," was the indignant re-
sponse. elf don't drinksh schepten
when ish thirsthy, what vantage have
I got over beasht of the field?"
A BALTIMORE paper says: "Ohio
girls eat pork and sauerkraut, Massachu-
sets girls eat Goldfish balls, Virginia
girls eat bacon and greens, the Gulf
States girls eat gumbo, New Hampshire
girls eat pie and doughnuts, and Ken
lucky girls ate blue grass beef, and yet
all these are prett;er than the girls OF
Europe. But the Baltimore girl eats
oysters, terrapin, canvas-back duck,
bay mackerel and soft shell crabs, and
she is the prettiest of all.