Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-12-10
WIT AND WISDOM.

y
MEN are never so ridiculous from the
qualities which really belong to them as
from those which they pretend to have.
LACKING confirmation The report
that the remaining banks of Newark will
import Egyptian mummies for directors.
Puck.
AN explanation: The pair of $40, 900
diamonds displayed at the Exposition
were taken from the petrifed remains of
hotel clerk in Colorado. - Atlanta
Constitution.
The actors who travel with two paper
collars and gripsack are all saying that
they lost their wardrobe at the burning
of the warehouse in New ork.-Ne,o
Orleans Picay,0le.
UNDER a certain convenient statute
foreign ambassador cannot be compelled
to pay his bills. From this time we de-
sire to be regarded as a foreign ambassa-
dor.-BOston Globe.
PHILOSOPHERS say that closing the
eyes makes the sense of hearing more
acute. A wag suggests that this ac-
counts for the many eyes that close In
our churches on Sundays.
BURDETTE is writing life of William
Penn. We shall wait to see If he can
resist the temptation to begin the biog-
raphy in the good old way, 81 take my
Penn in hand. ."-Oa City Derrick.
THIs is not bad for Cork shop
keeper. His establishment was seized
for debt, aud it was closed previous to
an execution sale. He put out large
poster: "Closed during stock taking"
"Dn you get that girls picture,
Brown? You remember you said You
were bound to have it. Well, not
exactly" replied Brown; 81 asked her
for it, and she gave me her negative.
AN UNSUCCESSFUL vocalist went to
the work-house and delighted the in
mates with his singing. He said it was
a natural thing for him to do, as he had
been singing to poor houses ever since
he began his career.
A LITTLE three-year r-old, whose mother
was mixing simple cough medicine for
him, watched the process and asked If
it was good. He was permitted to taste,
and exclaimed, cit is awful good,
mamma; let's keep it all for papa"
INFERENrIAL: eyes," exclaimed
Brown, 'you always find me with pen
in my hand. I'm a regular penholder,
nv boy." sLet's see," said Fogg,
musingiy, ga penholder is usually
stick, isn't it ?"-BOstOn Transcript.
A hungry Cat Ferocious Jaws
A foolish Rat. Remorseless Claws.
A lively Run A dying Squeal-
Exciting Fun. A hearty Meal.
Alas, poor Rat
o happy Cat F!
"TaERE," said Miss Dashie, as she
sealed a letter addressed to her lover,
''that isn't very bright, but it will do for
him. Lovers are all alike. If You only
write to them, they don't care snap
about what you say. y."-BOstOn Post.
ScHooIaITsrREss Gust beginnings nice
improving lesson upon minerals to the
iuniors)- ''Now, what are the principal
things we get out of the earth ?" Youth
full angler, aged four Confidently
sWorms. philadelphia Bulletin.
The Ithaca Journal states that during
a spelling lesson in one of the schools
in that city the other day, the teacher
asked the definition of the word ''riot.
"It MEANS" said twelve-year old lad,
"a free fight in which any one can take
part without paying cent"
AKANsAs ode: Tell us not in mourn
full numbers, life is but an empty dream,
oyster stews, our sweethearts tell us, are
next best to frozen cream. Let us all
be up and doing, labor early, labor late,
for the necessary money-oysters cost
two bits plate.- Winfield CourGnt.
A YOUNG lady at Mills Seminary who
recently sent us poem entitled, "Mur'
murings from the Outer Bitterness" is
informed that any pecuniary assistance
she can send to the widow of the man
to whom we gave it to read, will be
gratefully received by that lady.-S0n
Francisco Post.
CHRISTMAS falls this year on Sunday
and the day will probably be celebrated
on Monday. s. Claus, Esq, being q
good man and Christian, will not, OF
course, start business before Sunday at
midnight, although, to be sure, he can
get through his job Saturday night
Andre,0s' Queen.
THEY sat together in the iampight
and read the advertising columns of
their local paper, when he suddenly
exclaimed: "Look, only $15 for a suit
of clothes p els it wedding suit ?"
she asked. "Oh, no." he replied; "it
is business suit. "Well, I meant
business" she replied. That settled it.
RUSHING into the counting room he
exclaimed: I" If you publish any more
such trash as that (pointing to some
thing) I'll stop the paper" But you
can't-our presses are run by forty
horse power engine" "Oh it is, is
it? thought it was run by forty-ass
power" And then he went out quicker
than he came III, and the paper aiu't
stopped. - Exchange.
AN ONO man strangely disappeared.
The shrewdest detectives were put on
his track, and at the end of nine weeks
they seemed to be no nearer him than
when they started. Then a close OBJ
server of human nature got the Mayor
of Cincinnati to appoint the missing
man to position in the city govern
ment. Two hours later the appointee,
all out of breath, dashed into the
Mayors office to be sworn in.
Who IS this Ferocious looking Man
He is Foreman in a Printing Office. He
orefs Paid for Throwing Men Down