The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-11-25
WHY We LAUGH.

A vassar College girl, upon being asked II
he liked Goldfish balls, said she never attend
ID any.-Boston Post
Why is paper money more valuable than
,oin? Because you double 1t when you put .
i in your pocket, and when you take 1t out
you find it in creases.
There was young miss named O'Donohue'
Whose lover said, Dear, how honohue'
You're a charming coquette,
/ adore you, you buette;
Indeed, Pm not making fonohue."
BROOKLYN Eagle.
"Gold in thirty-three counties in this State;
copper in thirteen, iron in forty-three, dia.
'monds in twenty-six, whiskey in all Oh
them, and the last gets away With all the
rest."-Georgia Sentinel.
Proof positive: A small boy testified in
an Austin Justices Court that the ARRAY
took place on a Sunday. "How do know 1t
was Sunday?" "Because that day l had 10
90 to the back door of the saloon to get beer
instead of the front door."--Te1as Sgtsngs.
An Italian idol was recently found In
Kansas. 1t was made Of earthenware, was
brown in color, and had Handle. 1t will
hold two quarts.
Unexpectedly Affirmative: Professor In
P,vcbolopy-"Can We conceive of anything
as being out of time and still occupying
spacep" Musical student (thoughtfully)-.
"Yes, sir; poor singer in chrous."-Mus'-
cal World.
Speaking of Medical Lake he said: "You
are right, old man-this has been called .
dead town, but it Is not. 1t only seems As II
half the people here were asleep, and the
other half were round kind Of quiet like so as
not to wake them up.
It was Saturday night IN Leadville. Six
rough miners were playing poker. But as
the clock struck twelve, proclaiming that the
Lords Day had come, with one accord they
threw down their hands and left the saloon.
They went across the street to see dog
fight.-Denper Tribune.
poor rule: :1f you want your hens tc
incrsase keep your hen-house clean," says
Northern poultry journal. No necessity fo
I. It down here. Some enterprising darke!
usually cleans out the hen-house for you
but the number of hens Is net increased, bu
, rather on the contrary. That rule won
] work in this climate.-Teras Siftings.
The minister asked the Sunday-schoo
r "With what remarkable weapon did Samso
.t one time slay the Philistines?" For
9 while there was no answer, and the Ininiste
Q to assist the children . little, commence
: tapping his jaw with the tips OF his finger
At the same time saying "What's thls-what
o tbise, Quick As thought = little fellow quit
e innocently replied: "The jawbone OF an as
II SIR"
u A sons sorrow: "You look very sa
'' Gus" remarked Gilhooly to Gus de Smt
whom he met on Austin avenue. 81 feelth
y way," responded Gus, heaving . sig
. "What's the matter?" my hired niger b
+ quit, and now my old mother, who Is
. wears old aud has the rheumatism, has
> tend my horse, black my boots and cLop
~ the winter wood. Amt that enough
~ make fellow feel sorry for his poor
y mcther?"-Tcras SJtings.
40 Thrilling Couriship: "Donh contrad
- me- said the stern parent. "You ha
been holding sec,et interviews with Char
hr Mosnterrat de Montmoreuci." He was
- proud but fashionable tailor, and not to
eo tr;fied with. SHOW did you find 1t ou
:. sobbed the daughter; "you never saw u
40, "No, never saw you," he replied, inc
!; nantly, "but my faithful Bruno came n
.on ming to me this evening with mouthful
"a cloth. recognized the pattern at once.
:. cut the piece TO make q pair OF pants
u, Young Montmorencitwo months ago, and
,ra hasn't paid for them yet" All she
,n1 swered was, "Father, dear, it's too avn
ha. too.too," and she fell like little IA
rh. flower q. his feet.-Brookiyn Eagle.
mn We don't know much about it Of cou
cen hut we should think that after man
12O been Secretary of the Treasury for three
de, four wears, and had occasionally "dum
,,jll 6fty millions of dollars into Wall stree
relieve the money market, and had caiie
, is twenty million skies at one time, and
nsas bought two millions Of bonds every v
pom and disbursed eleven millions one week
ling eighteen millions the next, We should g
tile II would gravel him awfully to 60 back
,tile his law Office when the Admhlstra
,ird, changed and make out an abstract OF
tion away out in Buckshaw county, aud Sc
fair for an old woman down in Kickapoo u
i.h q ship to an old fellow out in Waokinda~
from tlement, and only get fee Of $S2, aud
wo- to wait four months for that, and then
able to take sorrel colt for it.--Burlir
at it Ha,ckeye.
nary, A Texas woman is gradually beco
rep petri6ed. Her feet and hands are alrea
hard as stone, and when her cheeks unit
ktsr, the same metamorphosis she will be
Capt. competent 10 enter newspaper office,
stion a chair up alongside Of the editor and
ssed. of the following: IL have here an
llibie trated history Of the Patagonians foui
'ut to page eugravings In each number to be
> dis p,e.ed ia seventy-nine parts at bfty G
o fire part making three superb volumes
! the their weight in gold which no library 8
BRING be without and II you will put your
here at the head Of my list I'll furnis
the first three numbers g'atis and yo
me little notice in ysur paper and vi
vb. putdownyournuame? -Norristo1n II
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