The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-05-20
HUMORS OF THE DAT.

DOES a girl cudgel her brains every
time she bangs her hair?
A CUTE little Cleveland girl always
calls sansages ''scrap bags. u Cleveland
San.
ADAM ought to have said: 'CHardly,
Eva, when he was tempted to bite the
apple.
Why is a fellow with bad cold in the
head like niagara Falls? Because he's
q catarrh-racked.
THE New Orleans PicGg,ne calls oys-
tiers honest, ''beeause they are not made
by man." No; they are made bivalve.
In PARIS Mr.. Bennett, of the New
York Herald, is known as Sir James
Gordon Bennett, tho American noble
man.
They are laughing at a travelling Eng
lishman who complained, IN Syracuse
81 cahn't get me luggage, for l lost me-
brasses, you know"
"WHAT is love?" asks an e8ehange.
Love, my friend. is thinking THAI you
and the girl can be an eternal picnic to
each other Salem Sunbeam.
The giraffe has never been know to
utter sound. In this respect it resem-
bles young lady in street car when a
gentleman gives up his seat to her.
THE funny mans wife ought to wear
grinadine.-f NelV York Ne1OS. TAeB
the bankers wife ought to wear CASH
mere, and the street musicians organdie,
SUICIDE by starvation is SO popular
now that Philadelphia man is going to
try it. He will board at New York
hotel and refuse to fee the walters
Br0ok(yn Arg'tS.
Still ahead-the sphinx. Hard to-
put down-carpets. a paper mill-a
quarrel between two editors. A spring
opening-the night latch. A fall open
ing-the coal hole
THE Brooklyn Aldermen have voted to
supply themselves with $50 badges.
This is good idea, for when people see
one of them coming they can know him
and run.--Bo8ton Post
THERE are undoubtedly great many
| things which are better than riches; but
riches are good enough for those of US
who feel humble and wish TO leave some
thing for other people.
''MAJoB, I see two cocktails carried to
your room every morning, as If you had
some one to drink with" eyes, sir; one
cocktail makes me feel like another man,
and, of course, Tn bound to treat the
other man"
YoUEG LApY-''My dear Professor. I
want to thank you for your lecture.
You made it all so plain that could I'M
derstand every word" Professor-"l am
truly glad you did understand it. I have
studied the subject for about thirteen
years, and am not clear that Jtndsr
stand it yet"
A PoETEss means: ''DIy heart lay on
the threshing floor; stihed every wall
as blow on blow descended from one who
held the fail" 1t was enough to kill
her! But 2 woman who is so careless rs
to leave her heart lying on q barn floor
until it is pounded into jelly with "a
fail doesn't deserve q particle of sym
pathy. The thresher perhaps didn't
know it was ''only n womau's heart.
He may have mistaken it for a section of
condemned bologna sausage, and We
therefore, ask for suspension of public
opinion in his behalf until his side of the
story is printed.-NOrrietOac'e Herald.
AT THE mechanical school: CHOW,
John, did you ever see o saw?" eyes,
did you ever see a SAW" eyes, sir, I've
saw a saw" "What saw was it YOU
saw, John" cit was a see-saw, sir.
ga sea-saucer? Why, John, what do
you mean?" 81 mean a see-saw, sir"
"And when did you see the sea ?" "Oh,
sir, 1 didn't see the sea; saw the saw,
sir" ''But if you only saw the saw how
saw you the saucerY' 'Why, sir, /
never saw the saucer; / see the saw, sir
-see?" "Well, my boy, if that's the
way you see saws, the less saws you see
the better. You may take your seat.
-NeaO York Graphic.