Smyrna times., 1881-02-23
Current Comment.
PHILADELPHIA EVENING NEWS.

Poor Garfield. The New York .S,,,
threatens to support him.
"h'n Fr9nchmen say "all the world
they mean Paris, not Ohio.
Garfield will have no peace until bo b;ro.
some one 10 give him the smallpox.
His full name is now Mr. Ashne.d Bart
ie'tBurdettCoutts. There's million. in :,
FARMERS chickens seldom come home to
roast, as any summer boarder can toll w,
he shooting jacket will be favori,a
style for summer waists as we'll .. o,ho.
Wastes.
biind staggers is killing tho horses in
Hamilton county, Texas. They cauchttba
disease from their masters
Although Lent will soon be here Jim
A'Fn has made no attempt to get up
vi HSA III SaCkcIOtn and ashes
surprise parties are coming into vogue
again. The person who is to be surpri,od
issues the invitation through friend
Brigham Young's son says in his own
defence that he did not commit bigamy
but Brighamy, or words to that effect.
A workman took a lamp to hunt for
leak IN the Cincinnati gas works the other
day. Gone to meet his mother.in.law.
American collectors will pay as much for
an old German Bible which they can't read
as Tor an old English one which they can.
General Custer was killed by Rain.in.tbe.
Face That would also kill many painted
o~autys chances of catching husband.
Princess Louise has fully determined TO
c"me'over and call on her husband this
year, hut she will return to England be.
fore fall.
A pretty girl named Joy says its very
very pleasant to be called "a thing Of
heautv," hut she has no desire to be "a
Joy forever"
1t you have spare dellar about you, put
1t out at compound interest. In couple
OF thousand years your descendants will be
worth millions.
lie Due is in favor of the promotion of
arhoriculture. He says the sweetest thing
in country life is pretty arbor, festooned
o'er with grape vines.
While a man is engaged he walks so far
every evening to see his girl that after mar.
rlaGe h" misses the exercise; that is why
he joins "lodge" or something.
In Maine there is one divorce for every
twelve marriages. Couples probably quar-.
rel over the manner in which the name of
their town should be pronounced.
When tired man gets walked up by a
baby hoy at four o'clock every morning he
has but one consolation, and that is that
some day the youngster will know how it is
himself.
The use of soapstone in making butter
has increased to sucL an alarming extent
that when you ask for oleomargarine the
chances are that you will have dairy butter
showed on you.
There nre FIVE ladies living who can tell
Mrs. Garfield Just where the White House
pipes are most likely to burst. They are
Mrs. Polk, Mrs. Tyler, Mrs. Lincoln, Mrs
Grant and Mrs. Hayes.
Minnesota women are demanding the
right to vote on the liquor question, and
Pennsylvania women should demand the
right to vote on the lck'er question if the
whipping pest bill fails.
Any Ohio man can become famous in
twenty. four hours. He has only to whisper
into reporters ear that he don't want an
Office, and the phenomenal fact will be
all over the country.
Enrlishmen are coming to America to
learn the real extent and character of our
agriculture. When they have learned
this they will want to stay here, settle
down and grow rich with the country.
When Ida Lewis husband finds her
moping around like a city maiden who
can't 20 to the opera. he starts out and
hires some man to tumble in to the water.
After fishing him cut she is as happy as
queen.
Another attempt to blow up the czar was
made the other night, hut the fellow got
wind of the fact that his wife was waiting
his return from the lodge, and taking off
his boots, he slipped up the back stairs,
got into bed and avoided the blowing up.
Girls, real, live Italian duke has pur.
chased an orange grove in Florida. Here's
A chance TO put on airs and eat oranges
Er. If that duke is no more genuine than
.he average titled foreigner who comes to
his country there is chance for some one
10 marry him and in due eourFs Of time
.ell oranges and peanuts for living.
A dramatic critic is O man who assumes
hat what pleases him ought to please ether
- N n l. Il