South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-05-20

people III OdtStSkO9l. OIC OF lfcul
went up into the News Office and
sauhtcring up to the desk, asked: Il
hear that the Bible has been revised
Do you know if any important chan.
ges have been made?' "a good many.
1 believe Then there is no mis-.
take about Ananias being struck
dead for lyings' No, / believe not
Well, if was you / would ind out
about 1t; and he strolled out as un-
concernedly as you please.
When clergyman moistens his
lips in the midst of his sermon, can
he be accused of watering his talk?
How is it, said a gentleman to
Sheridan, that your name has not an
o attached to 1t Your family is l.
IRISH and no doubt iflustrious.' No
family has better right to o than
our family sand Sheridan, for we
owe everybody
The Monkey ut Home.-When they
are engaged upon any very daring
raid, monkeys place sentinels upon
the neighboring trees and heights, to
give them timely warning OF APP
Lroaching danger and should they
he surprised through any fault OF these
senhnels, the luckless individual is
either severely punished, or in some
cases, it is declared, is put to death for
his neglect of the public safety. Ac-
cording to some accounts, these raid
ers will form long. chain, extending
from the field or garden they are
plundcring, toward their own place of
abode; and toss the fruits Of their
robbery from one TO the other, till
collected together and deposited IN n
place of safety. BY This cooperative
system they are enabled to carry of
q much larger booty than they could
If each one only took sufficient for
himself. When leaving The scene of
their plumber, however, each take;
Off with him rs much as he can carry.
Fruit and eggs are their chief food;
IN state OF nature, it is believed,
they viii not touch the flesh of warm
blooded animals; nor IN a state of
captivity, unless cooked.-Chambcr's
Journal.
Passing along the street lately high
tempered old miser was hccosted by an
urohin and importuned for the loan of 9
dime. "Not nickel" exclaimed the
testy old gentleman. "Well, you needn't
be so sassy about it," returned the ga
min, Eyer won't take yer money along
with yer when yer Gie." why not.
you little rascal ?" "'Cos yer'd be u
fraid il would melt"
Call next week. said debtor, "and
III settle that. '-"Couldn't you say
week after next" said the dun, las there
are SO many others who propose to pay
next week."
major, see two cocktails carried to
your room every morning, as if you had
some one TO drink with" Eyes, sir;
one cocktail makes me feel like another
man and Of course, I'm bound to treat
the ether man.
y minister overlook Quaker lady,
and politely assisted her in opening a
gate. As she was q comparative stran-
ger in town, he said, "You don't know
perhaps, that l am Mr.. -. Haven't
you heard me preach 2" II have heard
thee try" was the quick rejoinder.
80 your daughter has married q rich
husband. We'll" slowly replied the
father, Il boIovo she has married rich
man, but 1 understand he is a very poor
husband"
Tommy is crying bitterly: "What,"
says his sympathizing sister, "haye they
done to you ?" Nothing" "Did your
nurse scold you ?" "No." "Did Harry
strike youf p "No.' what then is
the matter ?" az just feel that I'm 20.
ing to be bad to-day, that's alll"
"Dimple" is the name OF q new bon
net. The purchase Of one Of those is
said to make a dimple like gravel pit
in q mans pockctbook.
Motto Of the good collector - Never
Put chi until tomorrow what can 10 dun
ned to day.
Never place reliance on q man who is
telling what he would have done had
he been there. Somehow his class Of
people never get there.
The law assists those who arc vigi-
iant and not those who sleep over
their rights.