Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-01-27
PITH AND POINT.

FAMILIAR quotaions-The price IL
stocks.
A WINTER resort Blowing on Jour
cold fingers.
An express package-The girl who
has Tilted you.
A STUDY in oil-The attempt to get a
sardine out whole.
TUE minister who divides his dis
courses into too many heads viii find It
difficult to procure attentive ears for
all of them.
i" IL ON instant a man may do what n
lifetime Of repentance cannot undo,
says Henry Ward Beecher. True, Ma
Beeeher-he may break an egg.
To THE query Of Danbm dentist TO
an applicant Tor new set as to whatsort
of teeth she wanted, she said: "Some-
thing that won't show dirt.
THE sEAsoNs--coSDENsED.
One lusty, loud and long continued sneaxe,
Long sutry days Of limp and languSd casA
The ceaseless murnur of million feas-
And then one staedy, stia and solid freeze.
A LA CRessE wis minister prayed
for those . who were smltten with ILL.,
ness, and those who have gone a-fishing,
aud, also, those too lazy to dress for
church.
The world is like askating pagk--nico
when you can glide smoothly over lis
surface, but cruel and cold TO sit down
on when you get your feet knocked from
under you.
Ar the theater. A spectator asked at
the dressing-room for his overooat.
Your number ?" asked the attendant.
Find my overcoat first, then III give
you my number; it is in the pocket Of
my overcoat.
THERE is a man in Newark, n j., so
close that when he attends church he
occupies the pew farthest from the pull
pit to save the interest ON his money
while the collectors are passing the plate
tor contributions.
An Irish priest WIS addressing his
flock on the dangers of incompetence,
and concluded his harangue with these
words Drink, my children, makes
you beat your wives, starve your fami-
lies and shoot your landlords--aye, and
miss them. too.
at AM skeptic," said an immature
person of the masculine gender, in q
yainglorious strain. can epileptic 2"
asked an old lady, somewhat hard of
hearing, /" Poor boy you look like it.
so YOU do" While the smile went round
the youth went out.
liz the review of the past les
sons at Sunday-school the question
was asked "What did God do on
the seventh day 2" Answer: "He
rested. "What else did he do?''
Promptly little 8-year-old boy +" He
read his newspaper
q PRoFEssoR, said student in pur-
suit of knowledge concerning the habits
of animals, ''why docs a cat while eat
ing turn her head first one way and then
another ?" " Fer the reason, /" replied
the professor, "that she Cameo turn it
both ways ut once"
Your future husband seems very ex-
acting; ne has been STIMULATING for all
sorts OF things, said mother to her
daughter, who was about getting may
ried. Never mind, mamma, said the
affectionate girl, who was already dressed
for the wedding, these are his last
wishes.
IT is mighty embarrassing 10 man
who has some religious friends stas ing
with him 10 have his dog, which has
been very quiet during week days, begin
right after breakfast Sunday to run 70
the gun In the conner and then to his
master, and wag his tail, and then run
back to the gun again.
"J'U'YAL1sM," he observed. as he
rested unsteadily with his back braoed
against the wall while the pale moon
beams toyed coldly with his flushed but
intellectual countenance, ssi'u'nalisn's
gran an gorg'us rainbow (iie): VIII
wiz one foot In er gin mill an tuzzer
foot lin or poor ouse. =" Brooklyn
Eagle.
a THIN old man with rag-bag in his
hand was picking a number of small
pieces of whalebone which lay on tho
street. The deposit was Of such o singn-
lar nature that the quaint looking gath
erer was asked how he supposed they
came there. "Don't know" he piled.
in squeaking voice, but spec some
unfortunate female was wrecked here
about somewhere"
A LUDIuRous mistake is reported to
have occurred at the opening Of Iazar
in Glasgow, at which the Prince IS Louise
and the Marquis of Lorne were present.
a distinguished clergyman was called
upon by the Chairman to conduct deyo-
tional exercises and the reverend gen.
| tlernan had commenced to read, when
four pipers of highland regiment, ow-
ing to some misunderstanding, struck up
with a wild shrek on ths bagpipes, by
way of a preliminary TO . The CampbclIs
Are Coming" Tile music yas Promptly
STOPPED; but the solemniiy Of the pro-
ceedIrss had, of course, been shaken.