The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1881-11-12
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FORBEARANOE.

Gu ds passive FAtuS3 uuCliiu5 OuiShJ AZ
calm and unexcitable natures, and not to
be expected in union with boldness, cour-
age, strength and impetuosity. Yet what
ever qualities may lay claim to the name
of passive virtues, certainly forbearance is
not one of them. 1t is essentially active
in its nature, demanding frequently the
utmost strength of will, selfcontrol and de-
termination, and is, therefore, much more
the virtue of strong character than of a
weak one. A feeble individual, mentally
and morally, will not be likely to exercise
much forbearanee. He will rather yield
to his first impulse, whatever they may
be; whereas, the strong nature, if guided
by wisdom, will learn self-eontrol, and only
through that is forbearance made possible.
The very word implies this. To forbear
is to refrain from doing or saying some
thing which impulses had prompted US to
do or say it is the conquest of wiser sec
ond thought over first desires; it is the
curbing of anger or indignation; the stern
self-diseipline that represses the hasty
judgment, the unkind criticism, the nm
charitable Interpretation, the cutting reply.
Thus it implies restraint and force, and is
the fruit of active energy, not of passivity
or weakness.
1t is generally in the smaller details of
life that selfgovernment takes the form of
forbearance. 1t is in our daily association
with other people, whether in society, in
business, or at home, that we are 10 the
deepest need of this virtue. We are irri-
tated at countless things, and seem goaded
on to utter bitter words, or spiteful allu-
sions, or singing repartees, or impatient
scorn. We see error so plainly that we
long to crush il out by violent means, or
we see faults in others which seem to merit
our severest rebuke Or we are suffering
under some real or fanc;ed unkindness or
injustice which We burn to resent, and
which appears to us to warrant the stern
est indignation. The fOrbearanee which,
while enduring these heart-burnings, can
yet enforce silence on the lips until the
hot emotions have had time to cool, aud
have been brought to the bar Of reason
aud Judgment, commands our respect aud
Miss Bremen says -" Heav-
en- keep us from the destroying power of
words There are words which sever
hearts more than sharp swords do; there
are words the point Of which stiugs the
heart through the course Of whole life. "
If the victory Of silence is once gained
at such times, the battle is never renewed,
the words are never uttered. They are
condemned alike by our moral Judgment
aud our intelligent common sense. No
one ever repented Of such selfrestraint,
bat many bitter aud uuavailing regrets
have followed the utteranee Of hot and
hasty expressions. Sober second thoughts
always suggest palliatives and allowances
that temper and heat had prevented US
from noticing. The wrong was not so in-
tentional rs we had faneied; we had exag-
gerated the error or the injustice; we had
forgotten the provocation that existed; We
had failed 10 consider the force Of eireum-
stances, or of constitutional peculiarities.
A hundred excuses for the words or con-
duet that aroused our indignation occur to
Us, on n more deliberate review, and we
often censure more severely our own i'm
petuous wrath than the occasion which
drew il forth. Goethe once saiG, II see
no fault committed, which also might
not have committed" and generosity of
heart, with wide experience Of life, aud
calm impartialiIy of Judgment, will ever
tend TO like humility.
If We examine the results Of forbearanee
and contrast them with the results Of i'm
patience, irritability and intolerance, the
balance will be found to be all on one side.
From the latter flow heart-burnings, wound
ed feelings, recriminations, enmities, brok-
en- friendships, injured affections; from the
former come peace, harmony, goodwill and
happiness. The simple act Of self-denial,
in restraining the expression of unpleasant
feelings or harsh thoughts, as they arise,
is the foundation stone on which many a
happy home Is established, and many near
aud dear friendships are built. For moth
ing draws people so closely together as the
constant experience Of mutual pleasure,
and nothing so quickly drives them asun-
der as the frequent endurance Of mutual
pain, caused By one another's presence.
Even as an act of policy alone, forbear-
auee is always triumphant. In debate or
discussion heated words or personal Nllu-
sious stir up cloud of feeling which hides
whatever Of truth there may be on either
side, while the courteous forbearance that
pauses and listens atteniively and aeeords
full weight to every opposing argument
clears the way in the adversarys mind for
the cordial reception and impartial exam
ination Of the other side. So in rebuking
a fault, hasty and exaggerated criticism,
fretful complaints, sharp accusations and
indiscriminate blame put the offender at
once into a defiant attitude; while the for
bearance that would rather.underrate than
the offence aud that gladly ae-
cepts any extenuation of it, will produce
more effect by drawing the
delinquent into sympathy, and thus pre-
pairing him to receive the needful admo-
milton.
Such forbearing spirit is the mark of
a large heart and generous nature.
There are some men, great and even pro-
found in their special line of thought and
action, who are yet so gentle and forbear-
ing to shallow critics, who assail them out
of their ignorance and eonceit, as to ex-
cite our wonder and admiration. Such
one was the philosopher Faraday. Wri-
ting to his friend and pupil, Tyndal, he
said, 'Let me, as an old man, who ought
by this time to have pro6ted by experience,
say that when was younger found |
often misrepreseuted the intentions of peo-
pie, and that they did not mean what at
the time l supposed they meant; and,
further, that as general rule, it was bet
ter to be little dull of apprehension,
where phrases seemed to imply pi9ue, and
quick in perception when, on the contrary,
they seemed to imply kindly feeling. The
real truth never fails ultimately to appear,
and opposing parties, if wrong, are sooner
convinced when replied to forbearingly
than when overwhelmed All mean to
say is, that it is better to be blind to the
results of partisanship and quick to see
goodwill. One has more happiness in
ones self in endeavoring to follow the
things that make for peace, You can
hardly imagine how often | have been
heated in private, when opposed, as have
thought, unjustly and superciliously, and
yet l have striven, and succeeded, l hope,
in keeping down replies of the like kind.