Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-08-24
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

S2oT2naFet0 sunday Ne1OS.
WONDER if a noise annoys an oyster.
Springfield Sunday Ne,Us.
NOBODY in the world is happier than
man going to a picnic with a borrowed
wife.
MAUD S. is merely another illustration
of the fact that time is money.-OU C5tY
Derrick.
MUGGINs says he don't wonder his
sweetheart is afraid of lightning
SO awfully attractive.
A NEW book is called "Our Set" Tt
is not, as might be inferred, work on
Matching chickens. It is novel.-Nor-
ristOaOn Herald.
A YOUNGsTER once said, ''Mamma.
what did you marry father for? Why
didn't you wait till I got to be man
and marry me ?"
THE clam has a larger mouth in pro-
PORTION to its size, than human being,
yet clam never talks about it's neigh
bor.- Whitehall Times.
The Woonsocket Reporter inquiries
"Who says it is unhealthy to sleep in
feathers? Look at the spring chicken,
and see how tough he is"
"Do you think you'll be able to pull
through % anxiously inquired the needle
of the thread. eye guess So" was
the curt response. -NeW York Neacs.
"CHINEsE BARRIERS shave without
lather." this reminds us that our old
schoolmaster used to lather without
shaving. One is said to be as painful
an operation as the other.-NorristoaCn
Herald.
WHEN one of the older children of my
friend was saying her evening prayer,
and said "Give us this day our daily
bread" her little four-year-old sister
whispered in her ear, essay butter, TOO,
Taty."
BACKYARD LOGIC: elf you use a
burner like this on your lamp" said the
peddler, "you will save half of the ker-
osene." The lady, who belongs to one
of the first families In Austin, said she
would take two: so she would not need
any kerosene at an.-Teras Siftings.
WHERE do we find the small vicesr'
thundered the preacher, and every mem
Der of the congregation got up and told
him to look for them in the other pews.
All except the sexton, who did not exact
ly catch on. He suggested the hard
ware store. But that was because he
didn't know how to spell. gto1a
HaaDkeye.
Do YOU think you are going to die?'
inquired the coroner of the dyer who
had fallen into vat of boiling indigo.
I" I feel very blue, responded he feebly,
"and I think I'll dye no MORE" How
ever, he is still olive and the coroner's
evidence was not red.-NeaO York Com
naerciaI AdUertiser.
my BRETHREN said a Western min
lister, {" the preaching of the gospel to
some people is like pouring water over a
sponge-it soaks in and stays. To others
it is like wind blowing through a chicken
coop. My experience of this congrega-
ton is that it contains more chicken
coops than sponges.
IT is said that Sc Worth gets his
beautiful combinations of color from
studying the plumage Of birds" If
Worth is responsible for some of the
color combinations we have seen this
summer. we suspect he has included the
state prison bird among his subjects of
study.-Boston Transcript.
THE night had suddenly overloaded
fnLSk OSCeeI1IO doAlO OOO4A1Js DCAuS VI q
sentimental turn, she accordingly took
her seat at the piano and began to sing,
"Into some lives the rain must fall. -
But he was entirely practical and touch
ing her arm said tenderly, "Sing some
thing else, darling; you know ! don't
bring any umbrella. -Brookly7a Eagle.
"YoU don't appear to catch on re-
marked the post to the gate. 81 like to
see a gate well posted. y 6" L feel hinger-
ed by your remark, replied the gate;
"you raillery seems barren of wit.
"That's your staple remark when you
are shut up," answered the post; you
never like to see post holed its own
-Wat and Wisdom.
An Illinois man got neighbor into
state prison on a false charge, burned
poisoned his dog, and then had the gall
to ask the victim to forgive him. Did he
do it? No! He said. "Can you bring
out f.! I'm coming for YET" And they
fought to the DEATH Boston Post.
The following anecdote of "crier''
in New York city court deserves place
among humorous puns: The crier, hav-
ing lost his wife, who was virago, was
absent one day from his post of duty.
When the court came in, the judge, not
noticing his absence, said, as usual:
" Mr.. Crier, open the court" A felicit
Gus young lawyer responded: MAY it
please your honor, Mr.. B can't cry
to-day, as he has lost his wife.
"PA,' quoth Sammie to his sire,
'why don't you go out west % "Why
do you ask. my boy?" because Bill
Higgins father went and struck a
banana. GA bonanza, you mean,
Sammie." "Well, what's the differ
ence?" "Why, when people strike a
bonanza it sets them up, and when they
strike banana it sets them down, and
very emphatically, too. > Yonkers Ga
zette.
THEY are building locomotive at the
Baldwin works in Philadelphia that will
run eighty miles an hour. All right,