davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
A Curious Client.

"A Brooklyn newspaper mar received
q note from a law firm, Smith, Jones &
Smith, notifying him that a claim against
him for several dollars had been placed
in their hands for collection, and in
structing him that he could save him
self some trouble if he'd come around
and talk the matter over. The journal
list was perfectly prepared to converse
on the subject, but disinclined to pay,
so he dropped In on Smith, Jones &
Smith, and notified them that he had
some business for them.
"There's a man in thistown threatens
to sue me" said he, Sand I'm prepared
to spend any amount to beat him. Can
you undertake to carry me through"
Certainly |" circulated Smith, Jones
& Smith, to whom the newspaper man
was a stranger.
What 1 want to do is to bother him."
observed the client. "Can I bother
him, whether I owe him or not?"
"Well, we should smile !! " remarked
Smith, Jones & Smith. eth take him
twenty years, if we work the case"
"You are strangers to me, gentlemen"
said the client, "thcugh I hear you
highly spoken of. Now, suppose he
should sue me, how would you go to
work."
"First, we should stave off the an
wer. Then we would take a lot OF
dispositions de 6ene esSe. just before
the trial we would issue q commission to
examine. witnesses in Siberia other
witnesses. would be taken; we would
have such engagements that we would
stave the trial off, and if he got a judg-
ment we would appeal. Yes, sir, he'd
use up twenty years getting the money
"But what would the lawyers on the
other side be up to all this time? I'm
told they're pretty smart fellows"
"Don't care. Who are they?"
ct don'tremember their names, but ]
have got their letter. Here! whats
this? By Jove, gentlemen, they're
Smith, Jones & Smith |"
The partners looked aghast.
"Ihope that nothing I've said will be
used against me" said the client, look
ing from one to the other. ST trust
gentlemen, that you won't give me
away in this matter. It's an awful blum
der on my part, but I sincerely hops
you won't take any advantage Of it."
Smith, Jones & Smith held q brie
consultation.
Gam I in much perilP" asked tn,
client anxiously.
Eve think not" said Smith, Jones 4
Smith. "We are-eh-are-we are pre-
pared to drop the proceedings. w
won't mention it, if you won't"
"In agree not to mention any name,
replied the client, with a grin, Gan,
I'll promise you my business in th
future"
There was some further conversation
at an adjacent hotel, and, gentle reader
the only trouble is their names were NO
Smith, Jones & Smith.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
The Power of Kisses.

When Charles III. was making his tri-
umphant progress through England GER
ain country ladies who were presented
to him, instead of kissing the royal hand
IN their simplicity held up their pretty
Ups to be kissed by the King, a blunder
40 one would more willingly excuse than
The lover of pretty Nell Gwynne. Geor-
,iana, Duchess Of Devonshire, gave
Steele, the butcher, a kiss for his vote
nearly a century since, and another
equally beautiful woman, Jane, Duchess
If Gordon, recruited her regiment In a
similar manner. A kiss from his mother
made Benjamin West an artist. "Kiss
me, mother, before I sleep" How sim
PIE a boon, yet how soothing to the little
suppliant is that soft, gentle kiss. The
head sinks ~contentedly on the pillow
for all is peace and happiness within.
The bright eyes and rosy lips
close, and the little darling is soon
reveling in the bright and sunny dreams
IF innocence. Yes, kiss, mother, for
that goodnight kiss will linger in the
memory when the giver lies moldering
in the grave. The memory of a gentle
mothers kiss has cheered many a lonely
wanderers pilgrimage and has been the
beacon light to illuminate his desolate
heart life has many a stormy billow to
cross, many a rugged path to climb. and
we know not what Ii in store for the lit
tie one SO sweetly slumbering, with no
marring care to disturb its peaceful
dreams. The parched and fevered lips
will become dewy again as recollection
bears to the sufferers couch a mothers
love, a mothers kiss. Then kiss your
little ones ere they sleep; there is a
magic power in that kiss which will en-
dure to the end of Efe.-Iroy Times.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
Close Driving.

A gentleman wanted to hire a coach
man, n skillful driver, who could man
age a pair of spirited horses. At the
hour he appointed four men came to ap-
ply for the place. Turning to the first
one, he said, "How near can you drive
to a precipice and not go over ?" "Ohl !"
answered the man, 81 can go within
three feet of it." The second man said,
''Sure, and I can go within two feet of
the bank" But whilst he was speaking
a strong man. with brawny arm, lifted
his head, and said: sIndeed, 1 have
been six inches from the very edge, and
drove away SAFE" The gentleman turned
to the only man who had not yet spoken,
a small, mild-looking person, whom the
others thought would never be in their
way. To him he said, 81 suppose you
can go no nearer than that ?" "No, sir p
he replied, with determination, set is
my rule to keep as far from danger as
possible" "You are the man for me-
said the gentleman; 81 do not wish to
hire any one to see how near he can
drive my family to destruction"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
A JUrv of One.

You remark that a jury of one man
might be better than twelve, because he
could never disagree. This reminds me
of the anecdote of a case of the kind in
a Justices court. A jury had been de-
manded, but there was difficulty about
getting a jury together. One iuryman
had appeared, and it was finally agreed
by the court that they would try the case
by a jury of one. Accordingly the case
was tried, and the jury (of one) retired
TO consult of their verdict under the
charge of an officer. After waiting an
hour or two the jury were called into
court to see if they had agreed on their
verdict, and the foreman informed the
court that they had not agreed, and that
there were 40 prospect of their agreeing.
And the court sent the jury out again
waited two or three hours longer for the
result, when they were again called into
court, and they informed his Honor that
they had not agreed, and there was no
prospect of any agreement. The hour
being late the jury was then discharged
without a verdict. This may have been
q farce, but, i. it was, it was no more so
than are one-haf of our jury trials
Cor. albany LdW Journal.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
Mr.. Warner on the Donkey.

The best way of getting about Cairo
and its e~nvirons is on the donkey. It is
cheap and exhilarating. The donkey is
easily mounted and easily got off from;
not seldom he will w~eakeninhi hind legs
and let his rider to the ground-a sink
ing operation which destroys your con-
idence in. life itself. Sometimes he
stumbles and sends the rider over his
head. But the good donkey never does
either. He is the best animal of his
size and appearance living. He has the
two qualities of our greatest general,
patience and o~bstinancy. The good
donkey is easy as a rocking-chair, sure
footed as q channels; he can thread any
crowd and stand patiently doing in any
noisy thoroughfare for hours. To ride
him is only q slight compromise of ones
Independence in walking. One is SO
near the ground, and so absent-mindedly
can he gaze at what is around him, that
he forgets that there is anything under
him. When the donkey, in the excite
ment of company on the open street and
stimulated by the whaeks and cries OF
his driver, breaks into the rush of a gal
lop, there is SO much flying of legs and
such q general hutter that the rider fam
cies he is getting over the ground at an
awful rate, running a break-neck race;
but it does not appear so to an observer.
The rider has the feeling of the swift
locomotion of the Arab steed without its
danger or expense. Besides, a long.
legged man, with a cork hat and a flying
linen cluster" tearing madly along on
an animal as big as a sheep, is an anus.
ing spectacle. Ny Winter on the Nile.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
Worth. the Man.MiIliner.

Alady, having looked upon the mon
arch of mantua-makers, writes thus:
''Worth is not all that fancy pictured to
my minds eye before I saw him. In
fact, I found him nothing more than a
shrewd, business-like looking man, with
a head so like the portraits of Oliver
Goldsmith that doubtless the resem-
blance has often been commented upon"
Worth is getting along in years, and the
~anxieties of his profession are beginning
to tell upon him. His life has been a
hard one. He has gone into the great
stronghold of the French-that of wom-
ems dress-and beaten them. He is an
Englishman, and was for a lons time
shopman at Swan & Edgar's, in London.
He has two sons, both Frenchmen to
the backbone; neither of them, however,
wish to follow their fathers profession,
but have chosen a military life, which
plainly shows their want of ~''taste." ac-
cording to their fathers idea.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
Funny.

Prentice Milford, in the San Fran
cisco Chronicle. relates the following in
his experience of comical and provoking
annoyances as a public speaker. He
says: 'None can realize until they enter
the lecture-feld what trivial occurrences
may transpire to upset the unfortunate
man on the platform, and divert and dis
tract from him the attention of an gu
dience.
"On one occasion a cat got into the
church where I was speaking, and
trotted up and down a course she had
laid out for herself before the pulpit.
She did this with an erect tail, and al
times made short remarks.
'It is singular that a single cat acting
in this manner is more effective in inter
esting ard amusing an Intelligent audi.
ence' than any speaker. Under such
conditions Cicero himself would have to
knock under to the cat. He might &c
on talking, but the cat would capture the
house.
"And then the awful sensation of be
ing obliged to keep on as though nothing
had disturbed you; to pretend you DOM
see such a cat; that you are not thinking
of it, and knowing all the while that you
audience are getting their moneys worth
out of the cat. and not out of you'll"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
TIT for Fat.

In the reign of Charles II. it was IS
tomary, when a gentleman drank a lady's
health, to throw some article of dress
into the flames in her honor, and all his
companions were obliged to sacrifice a
similar article, whatever it might be.
One of Sir Charles Sedley's friends, per-
ceiving that he wore a very rich lace era
vat, drank to the health of certain
lady, and threw his own cravat into the
fire. Sir Charles followed the example
very good-naturedly, but said he would
have his joke in return. Afterward,
when he dined with the same party, he
filled a bumper to some reigning beauty,
and called on q dentist to extract a de-
cayed tooth which had long panied him.
Etiquette demanded that every one of the
party should have a tooth extracted and
thrown into the fire; to which they all
yielded, after many murmurs about the
cruelty of the thing.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
HOW Unurcn.ToMer CLOCKS Are Mound.

How Church-Tower Clocks Are Wound.
The oldest tower-clock in New York is
In st. Paul's steeple. It was made in
ITS, by John Thwait, of London. The
clock in st. Johns Church was put in
the tower in 1872. The Trinity clock was
placed in its lofty station, 200 feet from
the pavement, in 1916, by James Rogers.
In dry weather this clock runs well; but
in damp, chilly. weather it sometimes
stops, owing to the precipitation of mois-
ture on the wheels. Originally two men
were required to wind it, each of the
three 1,500-pound weights having to be
lifted over fifty feet. Some time ago the
winding gear was changed so that one
man can now wind it.
Describing the operation of winding,
the clock-keeper said: ''The crank is
about twenty inches long, and when I
turn it around I make q sweep of thirty
inches. It's a good deal harder than
turning a grindstone, but the machine
has a rachel, SO that I can stop and rest
when I want to. The crank has to be
turned $50 times to turn the barrel
twenty-one times. Around the barrel is
wound the wire o p that holds the
1,500-pound weight. The weight is SIM
ply a box with pieces of iron in it. That
is very old-fashioned. Now we have iron
weights SC modelled that they can be
added to or subtracted from, and the
weight can be graded to nicely. A
new wire rope was put to the chimes
weight the other day. The rope is what
is called tiller rope, and is $50 feet long
and three-quarters Of an inch thick. II
takes me an hour and a half to wind up
the clock"
st. Paul's clock has a single back gear
and two weights of 1000 pounds each.
It takes three-quarters of an hour to
wind ii. st. Johns clock is wound in
less than an hour; while the modern
clock of st. Georges, in charge of the
same keeper, is wound in fifteen min.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
Like Mistress. Like Maid

"Sir," says Ruskin, "there is only
one way to have good servants-that is,
to be worthy of being we'll served. Ali
nature and all humanity will serve a
good master and rebel against an ignoble
one. And there is no surer test of the
quality of a nation than the quality of its
servants, for they are their masters
shadows, and distort their faults in o
hattened mimicry. A wise nation will
have philosophers in its servants hall, a
knavish nation will have knaves there,
and a kindly nation will have friends
there. Only let it be remembered that
kindness means, as with your child, so
with your servant, not indulgence, but
care"
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
The Square Man.

The square man mezzures the same
each way, and haint got no winny edges
nor shaky lumber in him. He is free
from knots and sap, and won't warp.
He is klear stuff, and I don't care what
yu work him up into, he won't swell and
he won't shrink. He liz amongst men
what good xii dried boards are among
carpenters, he won't season krack. It
don't make any difference which side Nv
him yu cum up to, he is the same big
ness each way, and the only way tew
get at him, emmy how, IL to face him.
He knows he IL square, and never
spends emmy time trieing to prove it.
The square man is one of the best
shaped men the world has ever produced.
He IL one of them kind ov chunks that
kant alter few fit a spot, but you must
alter the spot to fit him.-Josh Billings.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
TO AN OLD CoAT.

Poor coat, well loved for many reasons,
Since both Of N grow old, be true;
This hand has brushed you for ten seasons
Zen Socrates no more could do.
Whilst Time your thin and White-seamed stun
Keeps on attacking without end,
Wisely, like me, his blows rebuff
And never let us part, old friend.
That birthday hown, when first I wore you,
I mind well-memory yet Is strong
Ny friends around TO honor bore you,
And poured their welcome forth In song.
Your shabby plight-of which I'm vain
flinders them not an arm to lend,
They'd freely feast rs now again;
So never let US part, old friend.
You're patched behind, an ancient rending;
That, too, recalls Q past delight;
One night 70 run from Jane pretending,
/ felt her soft hand clutch me tight
Torn were you, and that frlghtful tear
It took my Jane two days to mend,
While I was held her captive there;
So never let US part, old friend.
Have you been stepped in musk and amber,
Which tops sniff, looking in the glassf
Or pushed along an ante-chamber,
For swells to sneer at as we passf
Throughout all Francs by faction rent,
Ribbons and stars fell strife can send
A feld-iower is your ornaments;
So never let us part, old friend.
Fear no more days Of idle ranging,
When our two fates become as one,
OF pleasure with plain interchanging,
OF intermingled rain and sun
For the last time I soon shall doff
Ny clothes, just waitl and We viii wend
Together, gently going of;
So never let us part old friend.
From Berdnger.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
EXCHANGE EXPRESSIONS.

The Boston Herald observes that the
man who digs one hundred feet into the
groundf for water gets along well.
MATTER from st. Louis papers, repub-
lished In the papers of Chicago, is al
ways credited to "'country exchanges
N. o. Picayune.
A FEMALE spider eats her husbands.
If Mormon women lived on husbands,
there never would be enough left to
warm up in hash.-Binghamton Repub-
Lcdn.
"LorrA is an old maid," says the At
lanta Constitution bravely. True; but
she is the sauciest, liveliest, kickingest
old maid in the business.-M. Y. Com
naerciaI Advertiser.
AN actor will tell you that it doesn't
hurt to let yourself fall on the floor, but
if you try it you will get up deeply i'm
pressed with the belief that the actor is a
liar. Try it. Boston Post
THE Hartford Courant has come to
the conclusion that the button makers
who allow but two tiny holes for the
thread are justly accountable for the
length of our divorce docket.
WHEN q sharp man wants to get a job
on a st. Louis paper, he tells the pro-
! prietors he can say more mean things
about Chicago than any other living man
And they always give him a chance
Boston Post.
If the wedding boom keeps up In Al
bany, the Press'fears there won't be old
maids enough in the neighborhood. to
sew. for destitute children in Africa or
get up donation parties for bachelor
ministers.
They teach gardening in the schools
of Japan. If they can teach a small boy
to go willingly into a garden and weed,
the sooner we can get the Japanese sys-
tenn of education. into u schools the
better. -Detro Free Press.
THE two classes of persons most apt to
visit editors are those who want their
names put in the paper and those who
want them left out; and others who bring
taffy for themselves and gall for their
neighbors .-New Orleans Picayune.
The high prices of living are just now
q sore prevention to marrying. The in
dustrious young man is not always borr
with ten thousand a year. Will ou1
young ladies please make q note of this
Cincinnati Enquirer.
THE Elmira Advertiser says: ssWt
can not help thinking that if G. Wash
ington had lied a ittle-just a ittle-he
: would have lived longer and enjoyed
better health" The Advertiser evident
ly understands this question thoroughly
The most eminent liars in the country
are generally healthy, well fed men.
ENGLISH papers that hi;
royal highness the Duke of Cambridg,
has invented a new whistle. 1t is sucl
things as this that demonstrate the ad
vantages of monarchies over mere re
publics, and we mention the dukes bril-
liant achievement reluctantly, because i
is 80 likely to move our people to env,
and disquiet.- Utica Herald.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31

CHARLES NELSON, ESQ.,, Proprietor
Nelson House, speaking to us recently,
physicians could not help me. I was in
despair of my life, when some one ad.
vised me to try st. Jacobs Oil. did so,
and as if by magic, I was instantly re-
lieved, and, by the continued use of the
Oil entirely cured. I thank heaven fol-
having used this wonderful remedy, fol
it saved my life. 1t also cured my wife.
Port Huron Commercial
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
THE MARKETS,

CINCINNATI.-FLoUR = Fancy, IS 25@5 rs;
fRs fam SonS 81 ss sO SS H.; spring PPhssg, d family s. s5s seS % 40 40;
bri, and g 50 per 100 lbs GR4INLWheat.No.
g. and mi hm9er 47 sSla 4 49, landing g. @hi fSs IS sse H. oa 6srnMs g,
white, 4Oc.: No. 2, mixed, Ss@SsHc. Rye, 81 1s@
/ "A. Barley-No. 2, fall, 81 08; extra No. 5, 81 o2@
s co.; fair TO choice Fight and medium weights, IS &c
as 90; heavy packing, s. A as 80. Hemp-Rough
Kentucky, sso@1oo. Hay Prime to choice ~ inc,
9 So; oats straw, s1O@1o so. PouLTRY-ChickensS
Common, So 25@S 75i ducks, So oO@4 90; geese, So o.
Tor dressed. PRovIsIoSs-Mess pork, Sis 'oog15 Is
Lard, 1ON@10.50c.
NEW observation-disclosures uplands, 1O5ze.
@aa1 Wesie gIls and State Stat, q a 4soas co; s Uad T. t SU Choice ss'
ily,' & sO@S Isl Minnesota PATENT process, $ SOC
No. 2 winter red, 81 24ai 24N; No. / winter red
81 2s@1 2s4; ungraded white, 81 90; No. 2 white
q 2os1 2oA CorpS1UngEadsd S754@soHc.; No. ]
western, 48g45c.; white Western, 45@4sc. Gro
ceries-Cofee-Rio, in cargoes, 1O@1sc. Sugar-Faf
oid g0s ST. Te so@Iss' 81 tag Rea, SIS 5Fs s712S1s 90. LARD RDi-
Prime steam. 10. zoe. ,
Observation-Disclosures extra fam
~, $ Soss So. S2s;. 6 Ohio e.,. .a,I family 81 u IS Goss Is
track and 81 10 in elevator. Corn Sail mixed. il
/ white, 46Tc. Mess ~Pork-Prime, SIC OO@1s rs
Hams-smoked, 1OH@11c. Lard Prime steam
1870. kettle-rendered, 10Tc.
Observation-Disclosures at 1870. Flour
Extra, So 25@3 so; extra family, So 1904 Isl A
No. /, 81 75@5 90; choice fancy, IS 1906 90. Whea
is steady at 81 00@1 03. CornINo. 2 white, 4sc
No. 2, mixed, 47c. 0ats-No. 2 white, $3.50; No.
\ mixed, 37@37Lc. Rye-No. 2, 81 Is. Hay. Sl4 o.
@l6 50. Mess pork, SIS 90. Lard, 1Oc. Live hogs
IS so to Sc 90.
BALTIMORE.-Flour-Western superfne, So 25@
4 90; Western extra, 81 25@5 90; Western family
IS 2596 25. Wheat-No. 2 Western winter red
81 2O91 .2OH. Corn-Western mixed, 56H@56aSc
Oats White Western, 46a47c.; mixed Western, 4
@44c. RyeLGood prime, 81 10. Mess Pork-Old
SIS 90. and new, sic 90. Hams-Sugar-cured, 116
l2c. in tierces, lie.
Observation-Disclosures market is firm
No. 2 red, 81 06@1 OF. COrn-Is steady at 43@
1876. Oats-New white, S4@36c.
LIVE STOCK.
CINCINNATI.-HoGs - Selected butchers an
heavy shippers, Sc 1896 40; fair to good packin
TLE-Common, 81 2593 90; tair to medium, So 256
4 co.; good to choice butchers grades, 81 25@4 IS
common to fair shippers, 81 1854 IS. SHEEP-Com
mon to fair, So 00@4 90, and good to choice, 81 SOC
5 90.
NEW YORK.-Dressed beef sides, S@9Ac. Shee
and Lambs-Common to choice extra sheep, IS 500
6 IS per 100 lbs. common to extra yearling lambs
unshorn, Sc 50@7 so. Hogs-Common Western, live
IS 0096 80 per 100 lbs.
NDIANAPOLIS.-Hogs-Yorkers, IS 7095 IS
common to fair mixed packing, IS 40@5 70. Cattl
- Common to prime shippers, "a 40@5 so; butchers
So 25@4 So. Sheep Common to prime, 81 50@5 81
EAST LIBERTY, Pa Hogs Philadelphia.
Sc 5096 65 per 100 lbs; best Yorker. IS S5@6 10.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
It In Worth o Trial.

IT was troubled for many years with Kidney
I was dull and inactive; could hardly crawl
about, and was an old, worn-ou man all over,
and could get nothing to help me, until I got
Hop Bitters, and now 1 am a boy again. My
blood and kidneys are all right, and 1 am as
have no doubt it will do as well for others of
my age. 1t is worth the trial" (Father.)
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31
Wicked Tor CIergymen.

81 believe it to be all wrong and even wicked
for clergymen or other public men to be led into
giving testimonials to quack doctors or vile
stuffs called medicines, but when a really meri-
torious article is made up of common valuable
remedies known to all, and that all physicians
use and trust in daily, we should freely COM
mend it. 1 therefore cheerfully and heartily
commend Hop Bitters for the good they have
done me and my friends, firmly believing they
have no equal for family use. 1 will not be
without them" Rev. - Washington, D. @.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31

INDIGESTION, dyspepsia, nervous prostration
and all forms of general debility relievedI5
taking MENsMAN's PERFORMED BEEF Tonic, the
only preparation of beef containing its entire
nutritious properties. 1t contains blood-mak-
ing, force-generating and DEMONSTRATING prop
critics; is Invaluable in all enfeebled~ conditions,
whether the result of exhaustion, nervous pros
~tration, overwork, or acute disease, particularly
if resulting from pulmonary complaints, Cas-
well, Hazard q Co., proprietors, New York.
The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1881-03-31

WHEN abouttwelve' years old said MI.
Geisman, of the Globe Chop House to
our representative, I met with an acct
dent with a horse, by which my skull
was fractured, and eyer since I have suf-
fered with the most excruciating rheuma-
tic pains. Of late I applied st. Jacobs
Oil, which has given me almost total re-
lief.-FOrt Wayne (Lnd.) Sentinel.