Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1881-09-09
LADY PaYsiCIANs.
Why IL will Never DO to Call Them
for m Very Sick Man.

for a Very Sick Man.
Peck's Sun says: A st. Louis doctor
factory recently turned out a dozen female
doctors. AS long as the female doctors
were confined to one or two in the whole
country, and those were only experimental,
we held our peace and did not complain;
but now that the colleges are engaged in
producing female doctors es a business we
must protest, and in SO doing will give a
few reasons why female doctors will not
prove a paying branch Of industry. In the
first place, if they doctor anybody it must
be women, and three-fourths OF the
would rather have a male doctor. Suppose
those colleges turn ont female doctors until
there are as many of them as there are male
doctors, what have they got to practice on.
A man if there was nothing the matter
with him, might call in a female doctor,
Blu If he was sick as a horse (f a man is
sick he is sick as a horse), the last thing
he would have around would be a female
doctor. And why? Because, when a man
has a female fumbling around him he
wants to feel well. He don't want to feel
bilious or feverish, with his mouth tasting
like old cheese, and his eyes blood-shot,
when the female is looking him over and
taking account OF stock. OF course, these
female doctors are all young and cookbook
ing, and if one Of them came into q sick
room where a man was in bed, and he had
chilis, and was cold as a wedge, and she
should sit up close to the side OF the bed,
and take hold of his hand, his pulse would
run up to $50, and she would prescribe for
a fever when he had chilblains. Oh, you
can't fool us ON female doctors. A man
who has been sick, and had male doctors,
knows just how much he would like to have
afemale doctor come tripping in and throw
her fur-lined cloak over a chair, take off
her hat and gloves and throw them on a
lounge, and come up to the bed with a
pair of marine blue eyes, with a twinkle in
the corner, and look him in the wild,
changeable eyes, and ask him TO run out
his tongue. Suppose he knew his tongue was
coated 80 it looked like yellow T~urkishtowel,
do you suppose he would want to run out
five or six inches Of the lower part of it and
let that female doctor put her finger on it
to see how furred it was? Not much. He
would put that tongue up into his cheek,
and wouldn't let her see it for rs cents adj
mission. We have all seen doctors put
their hands under the bed clothes and feel
OF a mans feet to see if they were cold. If
a female doctor should do that it would
give a man cramps in the legs. A male
doctor can put his hand on a mans stom-
ach, and liver and lungs, and ask him if
he feels any pain there; but if a female
doctor should do the same thing it would
make a man sick, and he would want to
get up and kick himself for employing a
female doctor. Oh, there is no use talking,
it would kill a man. Now, suppose a man
has heart disease, and a female doctor
should want to listen to the beating Of his
heart. She would lay her left ear on his
left breast, SO her eyes and rosebud mouth
would be looking right in his face, aud
her wavy hair would be scattered all a.
round there, getting tangled in his night
shirt. Don't you suppose his heart would
get in about twenty extra beats to the min
utef You bet And she would smile-we
will bet $40 she would smile-and show
her pearly teeth, and the ripe lips would
be working as though she were counting
the beats, and he would think she was try
ing to whisper to him, and. Well
what would he be doing all this time? II
he was not dead yet, which would be a
wonder, his left hand would brush the
hair away from her temple and kind Of
stay there to keep the hair away, and his
right hand would get sort Of nervous and
move around to the back OF her head, and
when she counted the beats q few minutes
and was raising her head he would draw
the head up to him and kiss her once for
luck, if he was as bilious as a Jersey swamp
angel, and have her charge it in the bill.
And then q reaction would set in, and he
would be as weak as a cat, and she would
have to fan him and rub his head till he
got over being nervous, and then make out
his prescription after he got asleep. No;
all of a mans symptoms change when q
female doctor is practicing on him, and
she would kill him dead.