Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-09-04
WIT AND HUMoR.

An exchange calls the watermelon
"that luscious capsule of pink moisture. >
A man may get mad and strike at
flea with a crowbar, but he's always
sorry for it afterward.
Patrick on the zebra. -''Phat kind OF
q haste is that-the mule wild his ribs
on the outside of his shkin entoirly."
The man who can hum a hymn while
iointing stove-pipe is good enough to
walk right into full membership in any
church, without probation.
A celebrated wit was asked why he
did not marry young lady to whom ne
was much attached. II know no rea-
son." replied he "except the great re-
gard we have for each other"
There is knock at the front door,
and the colored person says to the lady
of the house: as you de white CONAN
what told colored gemman you was
lookin' for colored lady to wash your
clothes by the mumf?'-[Galveston
News.
The following letter was received by
an undertaken recently from an afflicted
widower: ''Sur-my wiaf is ded and
wonts to be berried tomorrow at Woner
klock. U nose wair to dig the Hole
by the said Of my two other wiafs-let
it be deep" -.s
There are some scenes almost too
pure and sacred to be viewed by the
thoughtless world. One of them is q
Northumberland woman with mole
on her chin talking baby" to an
-and-a-haf canary bird in brass
cage. e3 u p-.e h
A Scotch minister, in one of his paro-
chial visits, met a COW boy, and asked
him what o'clock it was. "About
twelve, sir,'' was the reply. "Well, !"
remarked the minister, 81 thought it
was more cts never any more
here,'' said the boy; cit just begins at
one again"
Train up child in the way that he
shall 90, and it may turn out that way
in the long run, but all the precept and
example ever promulgated can't save
him from the sheepish, awkward feeling
sure to seize him when he goes spark
ing the first time.
When a country editor, who is strug-
Cling along trying to rear a large family
and build up town on an income OF i've
hundred year, discovers that base
ball pitcher hauls in four thousand dol
lars for the season, it makes him sit
down on a roller-box and think.
There is an ingenious theory abroad
that the scalpette, as the BARRIERS call it,
the foretop as it used to be styled when
ladies spoke their mother tongue, is
worn by women whose own hair is
abundant, simply to preserve it. No
man ever accepted that theory, but the
girls like to put it forward.
German papers are in a hilarious up
roar over the following story: A He
brew mother rushed to Hebrew father
with, abraham, the child has swal-
lowed the silver coin you gave him, and
is like to die."s The father, true to his
racial instincts, sought to comfort his
better half by saying, "No matter, my
dear, it was only a counterfeit.
When you meet young man who is
smoking cigar it is your duty to stop
him, and say, Young man, that cigar
contains acetic, fornic, butyric, valerie
and proprionic acids, prussic acid, Gre
osote, carbolic acid, ammonia, sulphur
cited hydrogen, pyridine, virodine, pic.
olene and rubidence, to say nothing OF
cabbagine and burdockic acid. He
may stick to the cigar, but you have
done your duty in the premises.
81 want to find out who is the master
of this house," said the man with a book
under his arm to the vinegary-looking
woman with pointed nose and very
small top-knot who opened the door for
him. .'Well, stranger she said with
arms akimbo, ..you just walk around
into the backyard, and ask little
spindle-shanked deacon you'll find
there fixin' up the grape-arbor, and
he'll tell you if / don't boss this ranch
he don't know who does. Now what
do you want with me?'