South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-09-23

lady composition acting us bridesmaid
the officiating Clergyman being a re,
tired printer, and the local editor gave
away the bride. We judge the mat.
ter was well set.
\ Galveston man named Josephus
=. Morgan, who is also a great nui.
sanee, is cyerlastingly abusing the
female sex. The other day be said
TO John w. Smith:--sThere would be
fewer evils in the world if ii were not
for women Yes responded Smith,
you yourself wouldn't be in it, And
now they hardly speak.
A farmer near Ann Arbor sent
the following postal card message to
a merchant in that city: please send
me by the first one cumin this way too
pouns shugor, blackin brush, five
pouns coffey, and some little nails.
My wife had baby last mite, and too
padlocks. Could these latter be call
ed triplets?
Every Ladder Has Two Ends
When a small boy, l was carrying
not q very large ladder, when there
was crash. An unluclly movement
had brought the rear end of my lad.
der against window. Instead of
scolding me my father made me stop
and said very quietly: Look here my
son, there is one thing | wish you to
remember; that is, every ladder has
two ends / never have forgotten it,
though many years have gone. Don't
we carry things besides ladders that
have two ends? When | see young
man getting fast habits / think he
sees only one end of the ladder, the
one pointed toward pleasure, & that he
dose not know that the other is wound
ing his parents hearts. Many n young
girl carries ladder, while the end
she does not see is crushing modesty
and friendship as she goes along
thoughtlessly among the crowd. ALI
yes, every ladder has two ends,and it
is thing to be remembered in more
ways than one.
Little Lucy fell and hurt her knee
badly, which her mother, when she
went to bed in the dark, tried to ban
dage. Soon the little one was heard
calling Mamma, said She, this
bandage is not in the right place. /
fell down higher up
For the Relief of the Poor.-Hug-
gins parties for the relief of the poor
will be started here this winter. So
much per hug is to be charged, the
schedule price will be as follows:
Girls under sixteen, % cts; for each
hug of two minutes; from sixteen to
twenty so cents; from twenty to
twenty-five, rs cents, another mans
wife, 81, widows according to their
looks, from so cents to SO: old maids,
cents each, or two for nickle.-
Cumberland Independent.
lie Gave 1t Up An Irishman and
German were one day discussing
the merits of their respective country
men. They both belong TO the same
company, which was composed of Ir
ish and Germans, about equally mix
ed. Many had been the contests a.
to the merits oftheir countrymcn, anC
they now renewed the wordy war fol
the fiftieth time.
'Soirc,' said the Irishman, 'all the
great men Of the world are of Irisl
extraction
Ish dot SOP replied the German
Il knowed a mai named King Will
am, who was not an Irishman and
very crate man vas he; den Frederick
he vas crate, and Napoleon, he va
crate, and needer of these yellow:
vas Irish
But they are dead replied th,
Germans adroit antagonist, 'and
was speaking Of the great men whc
are living; name me one, If you can
who is not an Irishman.'
well, dar ish de kommander Of dn
army, Sheneral Burnsides, he is no
Irish
The dickens he amt replied The
Irish soldier why, soire, / knew
the family wcllin Ireland, and n foin,
family they wor too
bul II ish not. an IfiSh name, do
Burnsides.'
Yes soirc. You sec the famil,
were called Burns in the Old Counth
ny, but after they came to Americ.
they got kind o proud loik and pm
ihe sides Ola their name
This was stumpcr and the Ger
man had TO give it up.
q Denver girl advertised for rro.
posaI5 OF marriage Her father pub
Ijshcd q cardto say that her advertise.
mcnt was merely @ foolish freak. am,
tuatnobody should regard it seriously
Then the girl came out with q dccla
ration that, being of legal age Il
choose husband for herself. she ma,