The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-09-08
ALL SORTS.

diving bellies.
Lets strip the light fantastic toe,"
said the chiropodist to his patient.
Why is a rosebud like a promissory
notea Because it natures by falling
dew.
A noble man that ought to be able
to give q good blow-out-the earl of
Fife.
1t is q mistake to assume that a ros Q
by any other name would smell as
wheat.
The medal offered for the biggest lie
told this year has been awarded to the
author of a circus poster.
The man who went to see the board
fence retired when he heard the fence
rail and saw the plank walk.
The colleges are busy lettering great
men, so that they can be identified if
they go astray in the hereafter.
China has only fifteen miles of tele-
graph. The facilities for circulating
lies in that country are limited.
Eleven thousand dogs have been
killed in the dog-pound of Baltimore
in the two years of its existence
'.Graciousi wife," said a father, as
he looked as his son Williams torn
trousers, ..get that little Bill reseated."
And she replied, ''Sew 1 will
There is going to be another comet
hold on. don't dodge yet; it's the
comet of 1744. and it is only expected
around once every 122, ,683 years.
The only Ohio man who died sud-
denly last week was a chap who was
trying to occupy two seats in passen-
ger coach while four women were
standing up
Jimmy Hope, the bank burglar.
has been arrested. His front name"
is appropriate to his profession. and it
is to be hoped that Hope for season
bids the world farewell"
eli! where did you get thCm trous-
ersP' asked an Irishman of man who
happened to be passing with a remark
ably short pair of trousers 81 got
them where they grew" was the indig-
nant reply. "Then, by my conscience"
said Pat. you've pulled them year
too soonr'
MIR. Timelytopic and Mr.. Verybusy
met on the street, and after few min
utes' conversation on business matters,
Mr. Timelytopic asked Mr.. Veryb
If he had seen the comet yet, and was
surprised when the latter replied that
he had not, as he had been out of town
. couple of weeks.
A French gentleman, who supposed
he had mastered the English language,
was suddenly puzzled one day when a
friend looked ut him and said: How
do you dop' ..Do vat?' 81 mean how
do YOU find yourself?' ''Sair, 1 never
loses myself" '.But how do you feel?"
.'Smooth-you just feel me-"
In the Corcoran Gallery in Washing
ton is a painting by Dutch artist, rep
resenting an aged woman stirring the
contents of a porringer. When John
Quincy Adams and Henry Clay were
Commissioners at Client in 1841, this
picture was won by the latter from the
former at game of cards.
The tricycle. has been adopted by the
Birmingham police force for the pur-
pose of facilitating the work of
summoning the officers, to whom its
confined. Should the experiment prove
q success, it is expected the use of the
machine will be further extended.
1t is asserted that at one of the large
hotels of Boston, of vaunted rectitude,
the astonished traveller is confronted in
his room by placard which bids him
'sbeware of thievesr' and advises
him before retiring to look under the
bed, search the wardrobe and all places
where q villain bent on robbery might
lurk.
A man was found lying unconscious
under tree the other day, with three
ribs broken and a severe cash in his
left cheek. In his pocket was found
little book entitled ..How to Avoid Ac-
cidents, add What to Do when They
Occur" The injured man evidently
fOP00f that ho ho1 bo fin,n1ry 1iff1o x<,t-
ume about him.
A few years ago, when Dr. Dio Lewis
was the rage, he said that people who
ate tomatoes would lose their teeth.
There are many people who are fond
OF raw tomato, but who cannot eat
one with Oil and vinegar. The acid of
the tomato mingles very nicely with
fnc sugar and 4 little salt, and is said
not to be disagreeable in small guam
titles to people who suffer from indi-
gestion.
. In some parts of New York the time
of one servant is pretty we'll occupied
IN answering the door-bell for pedlers,
beggars and rag-buyers. In vain are
ragmen requested never to call again.
They impudently answer that they are
upon their own business, and that they
will ring as frequently as they please.
Men and women with door-mats, dust
ers and buttons, when told that they
need never again call with their
wares, will return in half an hour to
ask the servant whether the people
OF the house have not changed their
minds.
A good many people wonder how it
Is that they see sticky fy-paper, in drug
store windows, covered so completely
with dead flies that there does not seem
to be room for another fly, and if they
buy the paper and take it home where
flies are as thick as three in bed, they
can't get dozen flies on the sheet of
paper in a week The fact is that the
drnggists( (and we have this from one of
them in person) employ boys TO catch
flies and stick them on the paper.
Some boys make as high as $3.50 a day
catching flies for druggists, and in
some localities these boys have almost
taken the last fly in the houses.-Mil-
1cdukee Sun.
A man whose first wife was remark
ably neat. married sloven. ~On one
occasion she mustered resolution to rub
down the old mahogany table. Her
good man sat quietly regarding her un-
til she had done. when he burst into
tears. She desired to know what had
affected him in so unusual manner.
''The sight of that table," said he;
'for now recognize an old acquain-
fance, and it awakens "reminiscences of
days that are gone, for it always looked
thus when my poor wife was living"
1t is unnecessary to say that the insult
ed lady bounced out of the room, and
rs she slammed the door be-
hind her, that she would make herself
q slave to no man.
An old German preacher in Fairfield
Chapel at the close of a protracted SER
vice thus apologies: .sa,x
-Te room Is dark, my eyes is tim, ~