davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

The jewel of servant girl is the
one who hangs all her mistress's en-
broidered underwear on that portion of
the line most conspicuous to the neigh
bors' eyes.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

"Some more cheese, please" said a
small boy Of eight to his papa at din
ner. "No, my child" was the reply of
the prudent father; "you have already
had enough. When l was a child
had to eat my bread and smell my
cheese" "Well," said sonny, please
give me piece to SMELL"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

If you want to be safe, take your
girls out only on Sundays, and you can
let them look in all the windows they
want to, and you can talk about your
colossal salary, and it needn't cost you
q penny.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

"Joe, why were you so late last
night?" ut wasn't so very late-only
quarter of twelve" "Oh, how dare
you sit there and say that? | was
awake when you came in and it was
three o'clock" "Well, isn't three a
quarter of twelve"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

The suit for a maiden's hand is
brought in the court of come and
please. But when the old man orders
the plaintiff out it is "Sir, quit court"
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

They were from the frontier, and had
not had as many oysters and trimmings
as their systems required. After an
hours hard work at Galveston avenue
restaurant, one of them leaned his head
on the edge of the table and said in a
feeble voice: "Bill, wake me up as
soon as / am thirsty again. I'll do as
much for YOU sometime
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

The female plaintiff in western di-
vorce suit was asked upon taking the
stand and prior to being sworn, if she
believed in q future life. 81 used to-"
she answered, "but since | was married
I've had all the nonsense taken out of
me. ."-BrooklYn Eagle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

When Herman was in Kentucky, he
did his card tricks, and after the show
tried in vain to find somebody to play
poker with him. "If knew as much
about cards as you do, l wouldn't waste
time in the show business. Boston
Post
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23
ADvEpTrsTwc p,-vs

line. O'0i'
Local Notices, ton oonts per line oaoh insertion
and all notices continued i0r lhroo months II,
longer, discount Of % per cent
advertisement uuaoc0mpaHied by written ca
verbal directions viii be published three monthe
Advertisements, under contract, ordered out be-.
fore expiration OF time, viii hc Charged ull rates
NO paper discontinued until an aUClrages are
paid, except az the option oi mo publisher
transient advertisements must DO paid IN aS-
vance
Bz5- FERNS CASH. rayablequsr,er,s
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

A heshy girl-Addie Pose. A. pug
nacious girl-Hitty Magin. A girl to
be avoided-Black Maria. A we'll red
mana healthy Indian. An oleagin-
Gus chap-Lynn c. Doyle. Awful
'retches--those of seasick person.
Yawcob Strauss.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

Jay Gould's next important step, it
is said, will be the formation of syn
dicate to buy Satan's dominion and
convert it into hot houses for the rails
ing of early vegetables.-Philadelphia
Chronicle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

Jones is bad suffered. He was
abusing Fogg the other day but Fogg,
who has been a breakman and is used
to such things, turned away with the
remark that it was only broken rail.
Boston Transcript.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

Ko-Kum-Hua, the Chinese professor
at Harvard, is a poet. A foreigner
can't reside in this country long before
his faults are discovered.-Norristown
Herald.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

An exchange notes that the obclisk
seems to be quite at home in Central
Park, New York. Why not? 1t is in
the land of Faro.-Somerville Journal
Of course it is, for there the green
horns are an Nile ated.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

"Do you drink" said temperance
reformer to beggar who had implored
aims of him. eyes, thank you" re-
turned the candid pauper; "where shall
we go ?'-Brooklyn Eagle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

Mr.. Collier characterized George
Eliot as an 'erring woman, but we
know to the contrary; she's an h'au-
thoress.-N. Y. Commercial Adver-
tiser.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

All trains daily except sunday.
G. b. BUSH ii. II, DEDYARD,
Div. Supt, Bay City. Gen1 Man, Detroit.
T.. G. BROWN, Asst Genl Supt., Jackson.
HENRY c. WENTWORTH,
Genl Pass'r and Ticket Agent, Detroit
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

Accommodation trains leave Lapeer, east, LOG
D. m, 1913 D. IN. west, 800 p. m, 1913 p. m;
Flint east, 1l00 II. m, $50 p. IN. west s:45 a.
IN, 1;20 p. IN.
A through Pullman palace sleeping coach isr
from Lansing to Buffalo on trains passing Flint
at 7:17 p. M, and Lapeer at sos p. m
CHAS. b. PECK, IL. FUNNEL, w. L. DAVIS,
Gen1 Manager, Supt. Genl. Tkt.Agt.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

Statesman are very hard to please.
Many of them who oppose free ships
would be Mortified at slave ships
Philadelphia Chronicle-Herald
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

An aeronaut who failed to attract a
crowd said he was like q defective
chimney. His fuc did not draw
Commercial Bulletin.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23
North Western Grand Trunk
R. R.

formerly Chicago e. Lake Huron.l
Condensed Time-Table.
September 2Sth, 1879.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

Down in New Orleans they have a
new kind of grass-the Madi Gras.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23
WIT AND HUMOR.
This is n convention al year.

This is a convention al year.
------------------------
Down in New Orleans they have 4
new kind of grass-the Madi Gras.
The hens are organizing a mutual
laid society.-Syracuse Sunday Times.
Kind words are bald headed. They
can never dye.-New Orleans Picay-
une.
Circuses are getting ready to produce
in tents Observation-Disclosures
Chronicle.
1t is much easier to be lovely and
accomplished when one is rich.-New
Orleans Picayune.
The man who gets out soon in the
morning for tod is an early rye, sir.
New Orleans Picayune.
One of the Pullman sleepers is called
the Minerva. It's a special Pallas car
Philadelphia Bulletin.
An oaronout ,vbo failed 70 attract a
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23

The hens are organizing a mutual
laid society.-Syracuse Sunday Times.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-03-23
Michigan Central Railroad.
SAGINAW DIVISION.

NoRTHwARD.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-04-20
Given Up by Doctors

as it possible that Mr.. Godfrey is
up and at work, and cured by so
simple remedy
81 assure you it is true that he is
entirely cured, and with nothing but
Hop Bitters and only ten days ago
his doctors gave him up and said he
must die!'
"Well-a-day! that is remarkable
l will go this day and get some for
my poor George know hops are
good" Alb.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-04-20
Druggists SncaIS.

"When we are asked to recommend
something to nourish and strengthen
the blood we always say take Malt
Bitters."
"Best blood purifier we know Of"
Rapidly displacing all other bit
ters,"
"For weakness, nervousness and
the fuss of dissipation nothing like
Malt Bitters."
"Women aud children take them
freely" A. l m.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-04-20

you want just plain bread 7" = sked
Mrs. NJ, with reference to the pres
ence or absence of butter. And the
old reprobate said, he would take one
piece plain, and the other with loop
ed overskirt, shirred down the cores,
with the same, and held in place by
knife pleatings of grape jelly. He
got the heel of the loaf.-Burlington
Hawkeye.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-04-20
Scientific PrOcliyitics.

"That boys a perfect wonder!" ex-
claimed Mrs. PArtiugton, enthusiast
cally, pointing across the room to her
grandson, who was busily employed
near the window filing up brass pivots
with an energy sufficient to set an ali
gators teeth on edge. "I've heerd
ami read heaps of antidotes about in
genuous lads; but none of 'em could
hold a candle to Ike. He's become n
regular machemist. Only q month ago
he made an electoral machine, and
now he's hard at work instructin' a
soldiers mackerelscope, by the help of
which he'll be able to dissect no end of
wonders in a drop Of dirty water.
Depend upon it, if he keeps on as he s
begun, bis works will one day form a
constipation in tho glorious ferment of
the sciences" AS the old lady gazed
admiringly upon the embryo genius,
her mental faculties became absorbed
in waking vision Of tho future.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-04-20

The Hawkeye thinks they will
never get to the North Pole until it
is announced that the government
will establish it into new aud indie
pendent congressional district. Then
look out for rush. There are men
in the State of Ohio who will walk to
il.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-04-20

m n "a week in your own town. IS outfit free
VkINo risk. Reader, II you want u busi-
MvInness at which persons of either sex con
RVVmake great pay all the time they work,
write for particulars TO II. Hallett & Co., Port
land, Maine. 167
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-04-20

81 think" said fond Galveston
parent, "that little Jimmy is going to
be a poet when he grows up. He
dosen't eat, and sits all day by the
stove and thinks" "You had better
grease him all over He is going to
have the measles. That's what ais
Jimmy.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-04-20

/ have no objeckshun to a man
parting his hair in the middle, but |
shall alwus insist upon his finishing
up the job by wearing short gown
and pettikoat.-Josh Billings.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-04-20

Old Middlerib came homo one night
and ordered light lunch before going
TO bed. Just mouthful of tea and
o bit OF bread" be explained. "Do
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1881-04-20
(5lticura
Something OF Interest 10 every
Man, Woman and Child.

Is your blood impure and loaded with tho poison Of
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If 20, then no human agency can 80 speedily, per-
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2 Cuticura Medicinal Toilet Soap, mn exquisite
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3. Cuticura Rcsolvent the new blood purifier,
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The Cutcura and Cuticura soap externally and the
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Inquire about them at your druggists Right here
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Send stamp for ILLUSTRATED Treats on the Skin, "
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Cuticura Remedies arc prepared by
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$50 Washington St., Boston, Mass
Cuticura Remedies mailed free to any address on
receipt OF price
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1881-07-09

"SAM, you are not honest. Why
do you put all the good peaches on
he top Of the measure and the little
ones below?" Same reason, sab, dat
makes de front of your house marble
and de back gate chiefly slop bari
sah."
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1881-07-09
Resolutions.

THE following resolutions have been
i adopted as guide for the miners and
laboring men of this coal region;
1. ResOlUed, That no miner in the en-
ploy of any Company in this region do
any days work underground for less than
$3.50 per day, and any man that may be
called to do any work may make his own
contract, but in no case may he 20 below
the standard Of laborers' wages at any
mine In which he is employed and in no
case whatever shall cars be made up; and
in no case compuson be used.
2. ReSOlged, 1 hat one half cent per ton
for blacksmithing ON and after February
LIST, 1880, be the standing price paid.
3. ReS0I,ed, That we restrict the hours
of labor TO ten hours per day as a standing
days work, beginning at a. m. and stop
ing at p. M.
4 ReSoL0ed, That five cars be standard
days work for two mon.
5. Ree0Ioed, That boys at tho age of IL
years are entitled to a half turn, but they
shall come to the mine and claim said half
turn: and that the Oldest son of widow
shall be allowed full turn at the disore-
ton of mine boss, provided, the father
died while in the employ of said company.
G. ResOIred, That al timber shall be de-
liz cred at the place of working.
I. ReSolgGd, That laying up roads for
pillars and timberng old places be done
by the day at $3.50 per day.
s. ftSOlged, That all heading work shall
be rs cents per ton, and ten cars for turn
ing oil rooms paid at the same price.
0. ReS0tced, That We, your employees,
shall not maintain any driver or laborer in
not performing his duty faithfully.
TO- ReSo5Ued, That we shall not sustain
any IT cklessness CT carelessness 10 the de-
struction of life and property, for should
any be guilty he shall throw himself liable
to the discretion OF the boss and must suf-
fer the consequences.
II. ResOLrtd, That we shall not maintain
any laborer who shall cease before his time
is up; and with respect to the drivers, VIC
shall not MAINTAIN any pulling up at half
past tour if lie should be required to mako
another trip fit should take him TO quarter
past five; or, in other words, give one day
and take tn, other.
y. ReS0lged. That should any one be
discharged it shall be the duty OF any who
are able to take his place until the case IL
investigated.
10. RGSOlged, That any man loading over
two tons hYe upon car snail be skipped
one car for each offence.
a. ResOlUed, That l6 feet shall be the
distance to shovel coal before getting q
road laid up to the excavation.
10. ResoIred, That the companies shall
'urnish the tools usually furnished for dig
ging this coal
IL. EeSoleed, That the distance for min
RS TO run cars down their ROOMS be limit
ID to 400 feet, and, for the first additional
100 feet, he shall receive cents | er ton
'xtra. Oyer 500 feet, heading price to be
'aid. May TIT
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1881-07-09
Original goetrg.


ECKHAR7 rs. FR0STBJRG.
On last Saturday evening week about two
o'clock,
A number of people to Frostburg did
flock,
Their countenance told they were one and
Deeply interested in game of base ball.
"Who are the teams ?" great many would
ask;
"Or is base hall considered hard task ?"
The teams you'll soon see, and the game
that was played fine
Between the Haymaker boys and the
Eckhart Star nine.
A few minutes after the Eckhart boys did
appear,
And people remarked that they looked
mighty queer;
They may not have pleased such people as
you
For they wore the true colors of red, white
and blue.
They walked up the street and then down
the lane,
Until they good view of the ball ground
did gain,
It's then they walked over to the ball
ground,
Where fully five hundred were standing
around.
Young Willie, their captain, did at that
moment say
"Our boys are now ready this game for to
play;
Then both captains met and tossed for the
choice,
The Eckhart boys won and it made them
rejoice.
Both mines were determined the game not
TO yield,
SO the Haymakers batted and ours took the
field;
Up to the third inning there were no runs
made
So the spectators moved back and laid
down in the shade.
Young Willie, the Stars captain, to his
men did then gay:
ave now have good chance this game
for to play"
As he spoke he picked up the bat that lay
at his feet,
Then said, "This time I'll come in or both
mines I'll treat"
"Be careful now, Willie" the catcher die
say;
"For run will be precious in the game
to-day"
Says Willie, "I'll risk it; l am not tc
blame,
For the game will be close and Close is my
name"
He hit good ball and reached home base
in time;
So score one TO Willie, the captain of Eek
hart Star nine;
That was the only run that came in up tc
the last,
Although both mines played plucky and
fast.
On the last inning, Eckhart Logs met 6
downfall,
As one of their best fielders got struck
with the ball;
The rest Of the nine soon gathered arounC
The brave, gallant, Scrivens, who lay ou
on the ground.
The umpire then called the neyt man tc
the bat,
And Stewart responded with terrific rap
Said he, "this time l will that baseball
deface,
Or bring home those three men now on
the base"
He Lit good ball. and out in right field il
flew,
And the three men came in as he sale
they would io
He went round the lines as if he had the
wings of bird,
Until this young man stood safe on his
third
Willie Smith next batted-thc ball he
knocked high;
And Haymaker fielder caught HIM out
on the fly.
The game was then called, anil thus stood
the score:
"Haymakers, nothing ) Eckhart Star, four
SPECTATOR.
Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1881-07-09
a2E@gistellallg,


AN appreciative jury: During a
trial tor assault in Arkansas a club,
a rock, rail, an axe handle, knife
and a shot gun were exhibited as "the
instrument with which the deed was
DONE" 1t was also shown that the
assaulted man defended himself with
a revolver, scythe, a pitchfork, a
chisel, hand-saw, fail and a cross
dog. The jury decided that they'd
have given $5 apiece to have seen
the fight.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-04-01

A CHAT WITH SALv1N1.-On being
introduced to the great tragedian /
opened tie coversation by remarking,
"Signor Salvini, chiaros euro mao
caroni," to which he courteously re-
sponded, "Signor Americana, An
danto stiletto." a was delighted to
hear it, and replied, "Mezzo tinto.
bittorio Emannello vivo voce." Thst
seemed to please Salvini, and he re-
piled, smiling, =" Pianissimo staccat0
mio." I agreed with him, and said,
" Bravo lazzaroni piano." He
seemed to like the idea very much,
and declared quite earnestly, " Ham
dano organo granderino." I then
shook and and Withdrew, as / saw
many of his friends waiting an op-
portunity to speak to him.--Barling-
ton Ha,okeye.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-04-01

WHEN Malone of Virginia went
over to the Republicans he expected
that in consideration of tho great ser
vice rendered he would be accorded
the disposal of a considerable share
of patronage, but his expectations
were not realized. The Republican
managers objected to mixing things,
and it is not now clear just what will
be his reward. He was elected by
the Democrats and his first official
act will subject him to the charge of
being q renegade whose treachery to
his party loses him the confidence
of that with which he has affiliated.
The Republicans have used Malone.
They will use him again when his vote
is essential to success, but they will
neither respect nor trust him. He
must make up his mind to retire from
public life at the close of his present
term of Office, as his own party will
not support him again and if the Re-
publicans should secure a ma jority in
the Virginia Legislature they would
not be likely to re elect man who
deserted the party that first elected
him.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-04-01

That Morey letter is once more up
on its hind legs and threatening
trouble. 1t is worse than Banquo's
ghost. 1t won't down, and what is
still more unpleasant. it refuses to
name its father. Abram S. Hewitt,
who once believed the letter genuine,
is now contributing to the fund for
searching out the forger. The Chair
man of the Republican National Com
mittee is still looking in feeble, un-
certain sort Of way for the author
of the letter, and Hewitt hearing no
was short of funds sent him one ehun-
drcd dollars with letter in which he
expressed the hope that the invssti-
cation would not be abandoned until
all the world knew who wrote the
Morey letter. lIewitt's letter is ap-
ApAently in dead earnest, but it may
be intended as a sarcastic cut at the
Jewell's herculean task of trying how
not to do it. The Democrats were
charged with having forged the letter,
and Just before the election we were
assured that facts were known and in
a few days the forgery would be fast
ened upon the right party. Now,
after six months have passed by, the
mystery is still unexplained, and we
have q leading Democrat donating
money oaid in the search for the for.
ger
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-04-01

SOME rather earnest citizens of
Oberlin, O., headed by Rev. Geo.
Thompson, have united in a protest
against allowing H. w. Beecher to
lecture in the Congregational Church
in that village. These disturbers
take the ground that Mr.. Beecher is
not as good as he should be, and
has renounced Christianity.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-04-01
Speech of Old Rye.

was made to be eaten,
And not to he drank;
TO he thrashcd in a barn,
Not soaked in Il tank.
Icame as blessing
When run through a mill;
AS Il blight and a curse
When put through still.
Make me up into loaves,
And your children are fed,
But if into drink,
] will starve them instead.
In bread I'm the servant,
The eater shall rule;
In drink I'm the master,
The drinkcr Il fool.
Then remember the warning,
My strength I'll employ,
Ifcaten, to strengthen.
If drank, to destroy.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-04-01

A LITTLE temperance lecture: " 1t
is true that man is often tempted to
drink; but as Il rule bar-rooms do not
follow him about town; and lager
beershops have never been known to
go after a man, call him out of his
house, and keep him away half of
the night There are two sides to the
temperance question, and the young
man who has not made up is mind
to be worthless drunkard should
keep on the right side