davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-04-27
Slang Boiled Down. =.

sNy daughter never uses slang says
some staid pater families, who is denounc-
ing the idea that the American young lady
speaks any other than purest college taught
English, ard he is sincere in his belief.
But should some curious senior, with an
eye to the truth, linger near this young
lady and her school friends, ten to one this
is an exact and not overdrawn description
of what he would hear:
.Meet me on the ave- this aft and we
will go the mat
No. not this aft on the ave-
well, good aft !!
Il had perfectly mag time, and don't you
forget it,
Don't give me away, Kate.
well l should softly exclaim-'
Il should blush to murmur.'
Tshould remark
Ishould mutter.'
q should smile
'Are you going to the musicale2'
you just bet an
Have you got your lesson In physical
geography
What do you take me forl'
4 told the Guv' wanted new hand
kerchief dress.
Did he tumble to the racket
Did he trail p
sDid he catch onl'
HE forked over girls and its my treat
These are the sweet girl graduates who
stand up in the month of roses and read
charming essays on "The Real and the
Ideal" ''Life as it Should Be-" ''Re-
FORMS" and other practical subjects, and
who tur from admirng teachers to whom
they have listened with tears in their
mock-serlous eyes,-to say In low aside,
''He's giving US taffy, girls" and who
christian everything that does not please
them as 'ssnide.'
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-04-27
TA TYPnNA.w wENEaAYP
Viii you answer me as you did Ned How

Will you answer me as you did Ned How
lands'
NO.
'Whyi'
Because love YOU
She was in passion of tears, sobblng
as If her heart was broken.
Nellie, little pet, what are you crying
in this way for
All this time she began.
All this time, be interrupted, Il have
been waiting to see if you really loved me.
If you really loved me l kuew that you
ought to love me, though l was indiffer-
ent to YOU. left you and you did not
forget me, but lost your roses and turned
pale when we met. Your words to
Ned Howlaud, which / overheard, proved
what true hearted girl you are, and il 1
promise to devote the rest of my life to your
happiness will you forgive me for causing
you this paini'
Nellie expressed her forgiveness very
concisely and sweetly, aud Mrs. Betram's
heart was made glad by the announcement
of her niece's engagement TO Manfred
Lowth.
think it was on her wedding day that
Nellie showed Manfreth Lowth shining
curl of brown lair, carefully preserved,
which she had found in her stocking that
March morning, and it was very much
like Mr.. Lowth's own.
So much for the sign of the first robin.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-04-27
No Noise.

Celia Logan tells of a burglar who en-
tered house in which mother was sit
ting up with her sick child : ''oir, she
said to him in whisper, as soon as she
could compose herself to speak, There is
nothing of value in this house except that
child's life, at least to me, but you may
find otherwise. Here, take my keys,
search everywhere, take what you want,
but speedily and without noise, l implore
you." She handed him the Keys, placed
her finger on her lip and pointed to the
door. The burglar moved quietly away,
then turned and said in low voice: us
he very sick :" "His life hangs on the
continuance of this Sleep" ''Then he
will recover for all the noise I'll make, y
the robber answered, laying down the keys
and noiselessly taking his departure, but
absolutely nothing else.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-04-27

Three or four mornings ago stalwar
farmer man about 80 years of age reache
Detroit. from the north, and at cnce IN
formed the police that he was on the tra
of his wife, who had eloped with neigh
Dor and headed for Detroit. In the cours
OF two hours the guilty pair were foun,
and taken to the Ninth Avenue Station
where the outraged husband confronte,
them. He had repeatedly said that h
would kill the man on sight. and to Civ
weight to his assertions he displayed rus
ty old revolver which had been loaded eve
since the War closed.
Yes, I'll kill him, kill him as dead a
doornail!' p he muttered not five MINUTES
before the pair came In.
But, 10! great change took place a
they entered. Instead of pulling out th,
deadly weapon and uttering a battle-cry
a smile Lit up his face and he held out {
hand to either for shake, saying:
Hank, / didn't believe you was NEAR
'nuff to do this
'Well. Jed, l feel sorry replied Hank,
as he warmed his fingers.
SO you follered us?' queried the wife,
as she looked around the room.
Yes, Mary WHAT in thunder made
you skip out in this wayl Have you any,
thing agin mel'
NO, not as knows on, but Hank said
he loved me best.'
Now, Hank, did you tell her that well,
I'd never believed sich a thing of you
Say, Jed, | feel mighty mean over this
thing, replied Hank.
so do l. added Mary.
'Well, you orter, l tell We, The man
who runs off with a neighbor's wife is the
next thing to p'lzen.'
shall never do it again, Jeddy darling,
sand the wife, as she patted his cheek. 4
tell you l was awful homesick to see your
dear old face.
WAS you, pussy2 / thought you would
be, he answered, as he kissed her on the
nose.
Jed are you going to raise a fuss over
this = inquired Hank.
We'll, orter.'
oh, wouldn't. I'm willin' to do what
fair. You'n l have allus been good friends.
Il know it, Hank
IF was married and you sloped off
with my wife I'd forgive ye, blamed if |
wouldn't. I'll settle al the damages as far
as KIM
That's fair-that's manlike,' unused
Jed.
IN give that 3-year-old colt and call it
square,
sake the colt, Jeddy,' prompted the
wife.
I'll do it. Hank, and nere's my hand
on it! There hain't nothing mean about
you, after all. You'n Mary won't slope
agin?'
NO
How could leave my Jeddyl' she
whispered as she patted his left ear.
well, then it's al settled" remarked
the husband. we all go home, take the
colt, you both promise not to slope again,
and everything Is lovely
Don't you enter complaint against
them = asked the Captain.
No, guess not. You see. Hank is
kinder squar' and honest, and Mary Is
willin' 10 make up, and though I'm per-
feet fiend when I'm reused guess it's my
duty to forgive 'em both in this case.'
The trio went out, each face as serene
as June morning, and when Hank and
Jed decided to take some beer to brace up
on, Mary waited on the corner.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-04-27
A Difficult Engineering Feat.

The greatest engineering difficulty en-
countered on the Southern Pacific Rail-
road was the 'loop,' in the Tehuehepi
Pass. in Kern county, California. So sud-
den is the rise in the elevation that the
plan was to secure extra distance IN order
to overcome the steep grade. This was
accomplished by most singular method
of detour, and by the loop which forces
the railroad to describe circle, return to
the place whence it started, and pass di-
rectiy over the tunnel, whence it entered
whel it began to detour. The elevation
to be overcome was 265 feet. By cIrcling
among the buttes distance of Is, 600 feet
was consumed, which represented an ad-
vance in direct line of only 1000 feet.
The actual loop" occupies only S,795
feet. OHe is twisted about in 3 circle,
winding around tine base of one of the
buttes, and when he returns to the startling
point he may look down distance OF ~
feet upon the track beloy, which enters
the tunnel The curvatures and grades
] here are equal. 116 feet per mile.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-04-27
SpiIker's Toast.

Maj. Spilker is little man, very fat,
very genial, and with head as devoid of
hair as porcelain doorknob. His wife,
Mrs Algitha Spilker, is scrawny, sarcas-
tic and deaf as a sawlog. A person could
kick lin bath tub down the back stairs
all night and Mrs. Spilker would snore
like base horn in blissful ignorance of
the noise, which proves that she is rather
deaf.
There are two things In the world of
which Mrs. Spllker is very fond a dinner
party and her husband-she never fails to
accept an invitation to one or carry the
other with her. For the last twenty years
this couple have beenin regular attendance
at every party given by their friends, and
On these occasions Maj. Spilker, when
called on for toast, would always give
one to ''the babies In such happy style
that it never failed to create good deal of
mirth. His wife, although she could not
hear word, knew what her husbands
toast was, and when he sat down supple
mented II by few appropriate remarks in
which she set forth his fondness for babies.
Not long since they attended a dinner
given by friend up town, and unfor-
tunat1ly Tor Maj. Spilker and the assembled
guests, he changed his toast without warn
ing his wife Of the fact, who, of course,
thought her husband would confine him
self to the regular subject.
snow, Major Spilker," said Mrs. Bar
ker, the hostess, as the dinner advanced,
sit is your turn TO give toast, and pray
say something complimentary to our sex.'
when my charming hostess" said the
Major rising, requests me to do a thing,
it is my duty to obey. Therefore / take
pleasure in drinking the health of the
ladies-God's best gift to man. The ladies
who cherish us in prosperity, soothe us in
adversely. and by their tender mInisterings
tighten the burden of life-I drink to the
adies."
When the applause subsidized, Mrs. Spill
ker, ignorant of the true subject of the
toast, but glowing with pride and admira-
tion, said:
''Oh. Mrs. Barker, you don't know how
fond the Major is of them. I've seen HIM
have two or three on his lap at once,
and"
"Algitha! !" gasped the Major.
'Just teasing the life out of the poor dear
things. He is such a favorite with 'em,
and every chance he gets be is sure to have
'em in his arms. Or be ronping with 'em.
He's got the lovingest nature of any man
l ever saw, and somehow they come to
him when they won't any one else"
Maj. Spilker fell back in the chair with
groan, and silence fell on the party like
pile driver.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-04-27
The water Treatment.

Near village in Pennsylvania resided a
man who would at times profess and act
out that he was attacked with fits OF
insanity, and all on account Of being jeal-
GUS, and that without cause, of his wife.
He would at times break up the furniture
and do all kinds of devilish tricks to annoy
his better half, even went so far as to have
the neighbors to tie him till his fits, as he
said, would be over. At one time he got
to raving so terribly that the old village
physician was sent for. He came and ex-
amined the patient and at once TOOK in the
situatIon-that he was only acting the
possum. But he at once came to the con-
clusiou that desperate cases took desperate
means for cure. He at once ordered the
patient to be laid on his back IN the bed
and to be firmly tied, so that he could not
move either hand or foot. He next had a
tub stand ON each side of the bed, which
he ordered to be filled with clear, cold
water from the spring near by. After the
tubs were filled to the brim he took pail
and deliberately commenced to pour the
water over the patient in the bed, not stop
ping until both tubs were drained. All the
time the would-be- e-crazy man was squirm-
ing and yelling at the top of his voice.
But there was no letting up in the ducking
until the water II the tubs gave out. The
old doctor then left with the direction that
they should leave him thus tied for two
hours and then loose him, and he would
wager his reputation that he would never
have a crazy spell again. HIS instructions
were strictly followed and at the expiration
of the two hours he was unlOosed from his
uncomfortable and wet bed. He got up
looking rather detected, but in his right
senses, and as the doctor predicted, it was
his last crazy spell. He afterward treated
his wife with becoming respect, and raised
a respectable family. The wife died a
number of years ago, but the husband is
still living, and is looking out for another
wife. Sometime after this novel but sue
cessful treatment, the old doctor sent IN a
bill 70 the husband Of SIS for treating him
in spen of insanity. The husband re-
sisted the payment, the bill was placed in
the hands of justice, and collected by a
Drocess of law
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-04-27
UaW TO ASK AND HAVE.

..ob It's time should talk 10 your mother
sweet Mary" says l;
,.o, 6on't talk to my mother, says Mary
Beginning to cry,
..r,- nv mother says men are deceiVers,
And never know will consent;
Sta avs girls in hurry who marry
At leisure repent "
Then suppose would talk to your father
syset Mars" says l,
..ob don't talk to my father, says Mary
Beginning to cry;
For nv father he loves me SO dearly,
EsTl never consent l should go
II 1ou talk to my father, says Mary
Hell surely say No.
..Tbep how shall get you. my jewell
Sweet Mary says |;
.ef vour father and mothers SO cruel,
Most surely I'll die"
sOh never say die, dear" says Mary;
"A wsy to ssve you l see;
since nv parents are both so contrary
You'd better ask me-"
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-04-27
GaInbetta.

Gambetta is in the Presidents chair,
which, though very large, he fills COM
pletely. On one side, on his desk, is q
glass always kept full of red wine, on the
other side glass, always ready, of what
looks like lemonade. He drinks from one
or other of these glasses every few moments.
Besides this occupation, he is ringing big
bell or .rapping with heavy paper cutter
every minute or two to keep these noisy
Deputies In order. He has an opera glass
on his desk, and now and then he takes a
long and sweeping look into the crowded
galleries. Deputies go up the steps which
lead TO his seat to talk with him. A score
have taken this opportunity to converse
with the most powerful man in France, per-
haps in all Europe. Gambetta is quick at re-
partee. There have been two or three ex-
amples of it. A heavy, old speaker of the
Right, that is the anti-Republican side of
the Chamber, after attacking the Ministry
in rather dull speech, left the tribune, but
kept up an attack on the Minister of FL
nance after reaching his seat. Gambetta
endeavored to stop aim, when he said: 'Ob,
yes, you defend the Ministry because you
think you will be at the head of the Minis
try some day. Gambetta quickly replied:
mo you evidently would make a better
Minister than l. The whole Chamber
laughed, and the belhcose Deputy was
quieted. A moment age Deputy call out
to the person now speaking, You are posi-
twist The orator flew into passion, and
all was excitement. Gambetta, who was
busy reading something at the moment,
arose quickly and rang his bell, and ex-
planned to the two combatants that they
misunderstood each other; that 'collecti-
visit and not ''positivist' was the word
used. Gambetta then sat down, plunged
into the matter which was occupying his
attention, and all ran on smoothly again.
The short little figure of Louis Blanc is
Just down below me- But 1t is getting SO
dark here in the gallery that must stop
short in my description of the Chamber
after having touched upon its President
only.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-04-27

Germany has now fourteen cities
with over LOG, ,0O0 inhabitants.
The daily gazette., 1881-11-15
HAXDoCH %
KIDNEY PANACEA.
NEAR WHAT 1S aAID

MEAN WHAT Is SAID,
IL has made me a new man."
"Dr. Haydook's Panacea mas Inorease.,
my weight nfteen pounds"
MY Vile would net be without Il ioI
any m0ney."
sour little boy Is much better. / euclos.
one dollar for another hottie"
md IL NJ easy 10 take as milk.n
ave have sold thirteen bottles mi.
week. and shall want two dozen next
order"
MY morning agony is gone--tha uks
Il find II asplendid appetizer"
Any Invalid or sufferer aftiictsd with
any Kidney disorder who Will write ms
az TO lheir complaint, Will be treated
humanely and kindly. IL Ia my mosi
earnest desire Ia Investigate all forms oi
diabetes, and give reliei at ali times. i,
you are TOO poor te purchase, write ms
anyway, and your case Will nave imIne-
diate attention.
CAUTION.
Observe that the signature of Allen
haydock IL across the mouth OF eaeb
bottle. '"on
price-one dollar for large. and an,
ooo , hAYDoCK q co.,
""1'- eoo@Sis. 70 Platt IT.. N. Y.
The daily gazette., 1881-11-15
nR. ToDD's FAMILY MEDICINES.

No. 8, for Dyspepsia and Constipation :;
No. 10, for Diarrhlpa, Dysentery and Choi,
era InfantuDa No. Is, for Brighps Dis
ease and other Diseases Of the Kidneys !.
Ne. 10. for Coughs and Colds /; No. 25, ior
Coughs, Bronchitis and Lung Din cuiLles
No. ~. Tor Asthma, Group and Who0ping
Cough Nos, 25 and 10. for Catarrh No
45, for fdoarsen ess aud Sore Throat Nos.
80 and 60, Diseases OF the Blood and Sk Ia:
Nos. GO and IS, Chronic Jnfiapma, lon oi
the Bowels, Stomach, Kidneys, Bladder,
Womb, stD. Nos. 10 and 10, Nenralgia
rheumatism and Gopt; No, sO. for
Worms No. S5, Transitional Disease of the
Heart No. 30, for Nervous We6 nesH /;
No. s5, Diseases OF the Ears No. FOO, Pre-
ventive OF smallpox, specific Nos. lBi
and 10, Fever, Ague. Rll low " pes OF ft.
YER, Malarial Diseases generally tNo lI5
to regulate the Mensti uai Discharge
AmenorrhBa, DysmenorrhlBa, etc. No
l20. Incontinence OF Urine in Children /.
No. l2o, Diseases OF the Urinary Organs .
Impotence, etc.
These Medicines are especially preparel
and can be relied upon 10 cure ihe ms.
eases for which they are recommended
Price so cents and 81 per bottle. For saIe
By druggists and the Proprietor Dr
James Todd, room No. |, Almond RuIId.
Ing, b. W. cor, eth and Market slreeis &.
entrance on Eighth street. Wilmington,
Persons suffering from any chron Ia dig
easea Will do well 10 consult Dr. Todd.
Treatment, including medicines. Al
once honrs, Tuesdays and Fridaya from
2. m. 70 p. M, and from TO 8 d. m.
All 0ther days except sunday,
The daily gazette., 1881-11-15

"BuT AT HOME. I'VE have several
times urged the readers OF the
GAzkTrx to ''buy at home" Pur~
chases can be made in this city quite
AZ cheap as in Philadelphia which does
its shopping in New York. Our mer-
chants present the finest goods in the
market and plenty of them at the
lowest prices and il they have not
ON hand precisely what you want they
will get it for you cheaper than you
can get it yourself, by going away tc
buy it. 1t costs the day, the passage
money, car hire and many other littl,
expenses to 60 abroad to buy which
must be added to the cost, and is an al
expense and waste. 1t is cheaper
therefore and more satisfactory t
buy at home"
The daily gazette., 1881-11-15

TEE PHrLADELPHrA Ledger ad-
vanoss the opinion that there is actin,
ally no scarcity Of vegetables in the
country, that although . scarcity ex-
ists In some sections 0 surplus exists
In other sections, and that 1t will not
be long before the railroads will sup-
ply such places as . scarcity exists in
with enough to reduce the prices to
somewhat of level. It Ia fact that
our market has for q number of years
been supplied with thousands of
bushels of potatoes from abroad, and
many other vegetables have been
brought here for sale that were not
raised within a hundred miles of
Wilmington. AS yet there has been
no great scarcity and prices have not
ranged above the average, and it is
hoped they will not.
The daily gazette., 1881-11-15
Down WITH THE TAXES.
The Duty Of Congress 10 Relieve
the People frem the War Msa
sures OF Tax atfon,

the People frem the War Mea
sures OF Taxation.
WASHINGTON, Nov. l3.-The duties
and responsibilities of Democrats in
the coming Congress will be OF excep-
tional Importance because of the posi-
tion of practical legislative control
which they will occupy. Without
absolute control Of either branch of
Congress the Democrats are in such
strength in both branches as to be
able to prevent the passage of any
vicious measure to which they may be
harmoniously opposed, and should
also be able TO secure the eenactment of
any obviously beneficent measure pon
which they will unite, or else put their
opponents in an attitude Of notorious
antagonism to such measurss. Ths
Democrats have one half Of the Senate
and the Republicans have not one-half
of the House. In both branches the
Democrats will have the advantage in
strong mon. Conkling and Blaine are
out Of the Senate and Garfield end
some others are not in the House.
The constitutional majority Of Re-
publicans in Congress will, or should,
prove to be . melancholy minority IN
legislative ability, parliamentary skill
and Congressional force. For these
reasons among Others The Democrats
should gather together at the opening
of Congress in December with lines 0l
patriotic policy distinctly defined il
their minds, and then pursue then
consistently and persistsntly.
The popular demand should and viii
be, "Down with the taxes" That Dor
ton of our taxation system which car
most speedily and easily be reached II
the internal revenue systsm. There ID
an urgent necessity widely sckno vledeet
for tariff reform; but this 10 slower o
accomplishment, from the extent sn,
intricacy OF that method of taxation, thar
the reform OF the internal revenue sys-
tenn, which covers narrower ground an,
10 within easy toach. The interna
revenue tax takes two-thlrds As mucl
money from the pockets of the people q
docs the tariff tax; and both combine,
take $l00 0,OOO, 900 more than the suu
required TO pay all the legitimate ex
penses Of the G0yernment, all the steal
inga and all the interest on the publ
debt. This the people will not an
should not patiently endure.
The internal revenue system wa
among the last Of the great war mea.
ures OF taxation TO which Congress n
sorted during the struggle tor the u nior
II was not until three War Tariff aci
had been passed and the proceeds froI
them found insufficient that the Law
making power adopted this mode {
taxing. 1t was only proposed In th
stress of the war 70 raise $l01, ,925, ,O0
by this method. But now, In time {
profound pesce, nineteen years late
$l35, ,00e. 600 q year are extracted fror
the taxpayers by this obnoxious process