The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-04-21
HUMOR..

Punch calls the face of the moon q
silver mug in the sky.
The cream of joke should never be
sour Whitehall Times.
Birds are entitled to justice. When
man is indulging in frolic, to say
he's "out on lark, is libel on that
bird. He is really out on a swallow.
The heat of genuine affection can
find no more glowing expression than
that of the Irishman who said, 'tArrah,
darlin'. wish was in Jail for stealing
ye."
Gum arabic dissolved in whisky will
keep the hair curled in damp weather.
-Erct0nge. A little sugar dissolved
in it has similar effect on the legs
John B. Cough.
After a girl has spent day sewing
red trimming around the bottom of her
dress, nothing bothers her SO much as
to have friend whisper: ''Your petit
coat is coming off,
eff Jones undertakes to pull nv
ears" said a loud-mouthed fellow on a
street corner, ''he will just have his
hands full.'' The crowed looked at
the mans ears and thought so too.
A Connecticut man is named Ratz.
He has petitiOned the legislature to
change his name to Rates, because he
is tired of hearing his children spoken
of by the neighbors as mice.
When a man says to his next door
neighbor who has lost his pet bull dog,
'.rm sorry poor Borax is dead" set
that man down as one who holds the
truth but lightly and probably poison
ed the doo ROsfoO Post
Much unconscious humor is to be
found in the menace lately sent to Lord
Morris Fitzgerald by his tenants, to the
be shortly shot, nothing would be done
to frighten or annoy Lady Adela, his
wife.
81 am skepticr' said an immature
person of the masculine gender in a
vainglOrious strain. ''An epileptic?'
asked an old lady somewhat hard of
hearing. '.Poor boy! You look like it,
SO you do.' While the smile went
round, the youth went out.
The new Bishop of Liverpool is noted
for not being very successful in conciliat-
ing people. Being recently requested to
address an assembly of medical men,
he remarked, 81 am not ashamed to say
l have a son DOCTOR" The audience
hardly seemed to appreciate the COM
pliment.
''Why. Bridget said her mistress.
who wished to rally the girl, for the
amusement of her company, upon the
fantastic ornamenting of plate of
butter. ''Why, Bridget, did you do
this? You're quite an artist; how did
you do it?' ''Indade mum. it was my
self that did it, replied Bridget.
''Isn't it pritty mum? I did it with
your fine-tooth comb num-"
A little 3-year-old girl who volunteer
ed to say grace at the table did as fol-
lows: s'Oh. Lord, bress the things we
eat; bress mamma and papa and gamma
and gampa" and here, casting up her
eyes to her grandfather in the next
seat, and discovering that he was smil-
ing, the little one closed her prayer by
saying: Behave yourself gampa-for
Christ's sake. Amen.
The New Haven Register inquiries:
'Isn't it strange how recklessly boy
disregards comfort? He will have wet
feet. cold fingers, frost-bitten ears, and
be shivering chilly, but you can't pull
him into the house by the kitchen stove.
Not much. He will dance with his
fingers in his pockets, and 'holler' to
the boys across the street and imagine
he is having 'raving fun.''
A husband of a very fashionable and
talkative wife was out walking a few
days ago with his little girl, when he
met a friend, who admired the child
very much. ''It is beautiful child,''
said the friend, and looks very much
like its mother, particularly about the
mouth" '.Maybe so" respd led the
husband-father, but / never Seen her
mouth at rest long enough to tell what
it looks like. G0lreston Neacs