The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-07-29


come down in the yard I've got pleasant
surprise for YOU
"Whnt is it ~ asked Mrs. Spoopendyke.
What, have you got horse ?"
'Guess again." grinned Mr.. Spoopendyke.
Its something like horse"
IL know It's new parlor carpet. That's
what it is.
mo. it isn't, either. said it's something
like horse that is, it goes when you make
it. Guess again."
rs it paint for the kitchen walls" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, innocently.
mo it amt and it amt hogshead of
stove-blacking, nor it amt a set of dining
room furniture, nor it amt seven gross of
stationary washtubs. Now guess again"
"Then it must be some lace curtains for
the sitting room windows. Isn't that just
splendid ?" and Mrs. Spoopendyke patted her
husband on both cheeks and danced up and
down with delight.
"It's bicycle, that's what it is 2" growled
Mr.. Spoopendyke. II bought it for exercise
and I'm going to ride it. Come down and
see me-
''Well, amt glad" calculated Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke. You ought to have some more
exercise, and if there's exercise in anything
it's in bicycle. Do let's see it,
Mr.. Spoopendyke conducted his wife to the
ward aud daocantaJ OF Ianu+b o,, tba ,,,ar;t,
of the machine.
"In few weeks I'll be able to make mile
q minute" he said as he steadied the appar-
atus against the clothes post and prepared to
mount. 'Now you watch me go to the end
of this path"
He got foot into one treade and went
head first into flower patch, the machine on
top with prodigious crash.
Hadn't you better tie it up to the post
until you get on" suggested Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke.
Leave me alone, will We ~ demanded Mr..
Spoopendyke, struggling to an even keel
I'm doing most of this myself. Now you
hold on and keep your mouth shut. 1t takes
a little practice, that's ALL
Mr.. Spoopendyke mounted again and scut-
tied along four or Ave feet and Topped over
on the grass plat.
That's splendid. =" commented his wife.
you've got an idea already. Let me hold it
for you this time"
IF you've got any extra strength you hold
your tongue, will ye ?" growled Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. 1T don't need any holding. 1t
amt alive Stand back and give me room,
now"
The third trial Mr.. Spoopendyke ambled
to the end of the path and went down all in
heap among the flower pots.
That's just too lovely for anything pro-
claimed Mrs. Spoopendyke. "You made
more'n mile a minute that time.''
'.Come and take it off ~ roared Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. 'Help me up! bod CAST the BIZ
cycle." and the worthy gentleman struggled
and plunged around like whale in shallow
water.
Mrs. Spoopendyke assisted in righting him
and brushed him of.
Il know where you make the mistake"
said she. 1.-THE little wheel ought to go first,
like buggy. Try it that way going back
"Maybe you can ride this bicycle better
than l CAM" howled Mr.. Spoopendyke.-
'You know all about wheels What you need
now is a lantern in your mouth and ten min
utes behind time to be the city hall clock
If you had bucket of water and handle
you'd make steam grindstone Don't you
see the big wheel has got to go first ?"
Eyes, dear" murmurred Mrs. Spoopendyke,
shut thought if you practiced with the Lit
tie wheel at first you wouldn't have so far to
fall
who fell p demanded Mr.. Spoopendyke.
didn't you see me step off tripped that's
all. Now you just watch me go back"
Once more Mr.. Spoopendyke started in,
but the big wheel turned and looked him in
the face, and then began to stagger.
"Look out !" squealed Mrs. Spoopendyke."
MIR. Spoopendyke wrenched away and
kicked and struggled, but it was of no avail.
Down he came, and the bicycle was a hope
less wreck.
"What'd We want to yell for ?" he shrieked.
Couldn't we keep you measly mouth shut
What dye think ye are, anyhow, a fog horn !?
bod CAST the measly bicycle - and Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke hit it kick that folded HIM up like
bolt of muslin.
"Never mind, my DEAR" consoled Mrs.
Spoopendyke. I'm afraid the exercise was
too violent anyway, and I'm rather glad you
broke it."
Il s'pose so" snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke.-
There's $50 gone"
"Don't worry, love. I'll 60 without the
carpet and curtains, and the paint will do
well enough in the kitchen. Let me rub you
with arnica."
But Mr.. Spoopendyke was too deeply
grieved 10y his wife's conduct to accept any
office at her hands, preferring to punish her
by letting hia wounda smart rather than IN