The Northern Pacific farmer., 1881-10-13

| his mercantile standing.
| One eye was covered completely by
green shade, while the other exhibited
evident marks of confusion: in fact, a
beautiful circle Of black and blue encircled
the optic.
His arm was in sling, his nose was
bloodied, and pair of crutches were lean
ing againsta dry goods box near by.
| 10 SUN up, he had the appearance of q
prize fighter just returned from a, hard
fought contest in the ring.
Hello, Bradley" saluted I; "what ails
you? Have you been the victim of rail-
road accident?"
'No" growled Bradley, .
MET with boiler explosion?"
mo"
~Gaught "S2a in a thrashine 'naohine?"
Then why this general brokenupedness?
And ID say, g,. Bradley"
where are all your numerous staff of
intelligent and atfable employees? Gone
to picuic?"
Mr.. Bradley growled some unintelligible.
or nearly so, reply. The substance was, as
near as could interpret it, that all of his
employees, he hoped, had gone to Hades.
must confess that was surprised at his
words; for, generally, Mr.. Bradley is the
kindest of masters, and universally respect
ed by those who receive his wages.
"What is the matter, Bradley" I
asked.
He proceeded to bathe one swollen cheek
with arnica from bottle which was handy,
and blurted out: 49,.
"Do you like base -ball?'
I said I did; considered It very nice
and healthy game. Until had broken my
I'll I to1x
fond of baseball. I am fond of it yet-at
| distance. The farther the distance, the
greater my fondness.
Mr.. Bradley remarked remark
| which is not polite for me- to repeat.
I was really shocked at Mr.. Bradley.
Blank base ball" said she with decided
emphasis.
"Why blank base ball?" queried.
"I will tell you," was his answer.
''But you must excuse me il 1 lisp, for
four of my front teeth are Knocked out, and
my upper gum is cracked. These accidents
are not apt to give my voice silvery or
bell-iike sound"
Naturally not; but proceed"
'You know employ nineteen clerks-or,
ather, did employ theu-all stalwars
young fellows"
YES"
And you know Fourth of. July was
eyes, believe there was general ru-
NOR to that effect"
"Well my nineteen lunatice-clerks, I
should say-resolved to forDl themselves
into two mines and play ga me of base
| ball"
But two mines only mp.le eighteen.
What did the odd clerk do?"
q a
promising corpse now, believe. A man
with half a bat stuck into his head is not
apt to live very long. But won't digress.
"The day before the b,ltchery-game
| they called it-came of, deputation of
| three called upon me. They wanted me to
| be umpire. Foolishly, said I would II
I had been wise, would have had them ar
! rested. Being bald-headad old idiot,
consented.
"Next day I arrived upon the ground
The two mines were there. One was called
the Comets the other the Shooting
Stars
''The gone began.
'"The Comets won the toss, and Manly,
my cashier. went to bat. He hit a liner
which was stopped by left field, and ran
quickly to first base. The ball seemed to
me to get there quicker than Manly, and I
said, 'Outr
MANLY came back mad.
WAS that out?' said he.
'Yes,' Ireplied.
No, it wasn't -
4 say it was.
In your eye,' replied Manly. You're
Manly, said I, L don't want any of
your insolence. I'll discharge you.'
j" Discharge and be hanged! he said.
| There's an old goat in yonder field who
would made better umpire than you'
THAT settled it.
II told Manly not to come to work the
next day, and told the Comets to put Sec
ond striker up.
"They did.
"The fellow knocked fly to first base.
First base muffed it and fooled with it, and
in his hand when the striker reached the
base.
"How is it?' he called out.
Not out-striker SAFE I replied. !
First base was my ok-keeper, Harly,
generally the pink of peliteness, but N.Y.
decision did not appear to please him.
You ought TO get pair Of new eyes,,
he said; That was out, plain as day
so it was cried the pitcher, who has |
been with me for ten years.. Anybody but !
an old dotard could see it was out plain;
wasn't it, boys?'
'.The boys the boys of his side-all |
said yes. of course, and suggested as put
ting up q wooden man as an umpire; and |
my youngest errand boy, who was soaking |
out in the center field, said ought to buy |
q piece of smoked glass to see through. I |
discharged kin, right away
Then Mr. Merrill (he's red-headed, and
gets mad easy), went to the bat. He made
foul-I say it was q foul, and know it
and said it was out, because the catcher
caught it.
"'Foul-outp I cried.
"'WhatY gasped Merrill.
"'tNoul-out! repeated.
"'''Do you call that a foul?'
""'I do
'"Mr. Bradley, you're crazy! It was not
a FOUL
"'It was.' "!r
""It wasn't. :,
: >"Don't You contradict me, Merrill
~ will, i you s"y that's 9 foul. You're
-" Here, you shut upr said Bennett, my
stock clerk, who was catcher; and they all
came in from the field. ~
''Exactly what followed l cannot relate
succinctly. Anyhow, Merrill said Bennett
was liar, and Bennett said Merrill was
another. Which one hit first do not know
ONVs o. u4y 4ue0s u AAOo AE3Ae' 0AlSu0As u1A l
was in the middle of it. :.
II was pitched over fence, kicked into
a ditch, jumped on, walked over, and carri-
ed for dead from the field along with the
scorer, who, as said before, has got half
q bat into his head.
"But had my revenge, for I discharged
every blessed mothers son of them: but I
don't believe they care much about it, for
all except Merrill are in the hospital" f.
where's Merrill2" : Fl
I'm jail. As near as I can find out he
licked all the rest, and then tried to lick
a policeman, who wanted to stop the fun,
"Say. if you know nice, quiet young
fellow-in fact, nineteen nice, quiet young
never heard of base ball, and
don't know what it IS, let me- know. I'll
pay them their own prices %.i
A Thief's Prayer.
From the Ameri icus (Ga.) Republican.