The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-04-01
THE DUMPSES,

-" 4" ""PPcpcu' was wheeling Augustus
Wimple down the avenue, when COW sud
denly turned the corner and stood before
me on the sidewalk. | wouldn't mind
meeting wolf, lion or maddog, but | am
| most wonderfully afraid of COW. But it
lspart OF my religion to conquer my fears,
50 attempted to show courage on tins
occasion. ! gathered large piece of
scantling and going toward the enemy |
| SAID, IN voice intended to be command
| ing, "Shoo shoe. hiss-scat.!n Her only
reply to my remarks was vigorous shake
OF the head aud a slight movement for
ward. Being open to conviction, her
argument convinced me that was at fault,
20 hurriedy dropped my utensils Of war,
and with "beads of perspiration on my
marble BROW stood on neutral grounds.
l'lookcd again at the wonderful creature,
and fanCied her about nine feet high and
fifteen or twenty-five feet long. Twenty
five, when she approached, and something
less, when she retreated. The horns seemed
| like steamboat stacks, pointed with swords ;
her eyes like rolling red moons; and her
tail sailed out like rocket. She brcathed
like an engine, and lowed like steam
whistle, and stood trembling, expecting
that myself, baby, cab and all would be
| swallowed. At this trying moment hero
appeared, threw pebble at the angry quad
ruped and told her to ayaunt, She lmme.
diateIy avaunted, and to this happy cir
cumstancc am indebted for "lfe, Liberty
and the pursuit Of happiness
My benefactor permits me to remember
him in my prayers, and also in my letters
to you, He is anxious to reap the benefit
OF newspaper notorietY. Says he would
never have riskcd his life for me, had not
made such n reputation in THE BULLETIN.
He is young, modest, temperate and unmar-
ried; a physician by profession, and an
excellent vocalist, Il say this for the ben
eft Of some Of our handsome young ladies'
Last week we celebrated our silver we'd
ding, and invited only our intimate friends.
1t seems that many of those had visitors
who were anxious TO form our acquaint
ance, and so we received dozens OF notes
something like this;
"Mr. and Mrs. Dumps Would you oh
ject to us bringing very dear friend along
to your reception. She is such a swee
creature, and is just dying to meet your
family and to be mentioned as your friend
Yours etc"
! OF course we answered all afiirmatively
and found our list of invitations swollen tC
about one hundred extras Fifty of these
sent me silver thimbles the cards attached
saying please accept and wear for my
sake The request seemed simple, but the
performance difficult. However, poor little
Augustus swallowed three of them, and
has been troubled with hiccough ever
since. Such a crowd as we had that
night. Our house is large, you know
but it was full and plenty Of people
sticking through the windows. One feshy
old lady sat on my little Eva Cthrce yeal
old child all evening, and thought she was
a sofa pillow. The little dear was flattencd
out so she couldn't move or scream.
In looking over our gifts from friends
next day, we found thirty pie knives,
twenty-thrcc syrup pitchers, forty pickle
forks, five napkin rings, twenty salt dishes,
| ten boquet holders, nineteen card receivers,
two cake baskets, three berry Dishes one
water pitcher and sayer, six spoons, eighty
seven silver mugs and five silver headed
canes There were various other little nick
nacks, among which | might yet mention
seventeen silver pen holders, which were
presented in person with cunning little
| hints to this effect This is to write my
| name in those charming Dumps letters"
| One of these smiling petitioners had scarce
" turned away from me before she said to
\ her companion; what fool stuff she does
! write. A woman of her are ought
\ to have more sense overheard
another say 81 don't care how ridiculous
Mrs. D. makes herself, just so she brings
me into notice in The BULLETIN" SO you
see, Mr.. Editor, how popular your pages
are, and how envious people are of me as a
writer.
We undertook to put our silver (the
wedding gifts in some safe and convenient
place, but its utterly impossible. The first
night we put some of it in the cellar, some
in the cookstove after it cooled down and
the rest upstairs in our bedrooms. put
the thimbles, pen.bandles and cake
baskets under our pillows, the syrup jugs
and boquct holders between the mattresses
of our bed and let Sarah and Louisa dream
1 = II. :