The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1881-12-21
NO. 4S3.
mr. AND WISDOM.


't''9 = - Stt0ttftt NpttI frf t
The mean temperature is What disgusss 4
man with every climate.
The Mormon question---Will You BE- I
fraction of my wife, darlinge
President Arthur has his life insured for
$i00 000--and he has no wife, either.
The amateur cornet player ought to receive
blow for bow.--BOston Courier.
An adept at bicycling ought to make good
wheel-wright Fork NeWs.
The New Orleans picayuns thinks that
food for thought should be we'll cooked.
Thanksgiving don't amount to much after
all. 1t is all stuff - Boston Globe.
The deepest insult that can be given in
Deadwood is to say: :" You ain't worth
lynching."
In mercantile circles hanging is now al
ludec to as q forced suspension. - Chronicle-
Herald.
Most men are anxious for long life, but tho
lawyer enjoys a brief existence. Boston Com
merciat Bulletin.
The man who was born with silver spoon
in his mouth must have lived in stirring
times boston Courier.
No matter how obstinate man may be- he
generally hauls in his horns after entering a
tavern CAronicso- Herald
A little boy remarked ~ like grandpa
because he is such a geLtlemanly man he
always tells me to help myself to sugar.
81. =
The reason we keep three big ones is that We
don't like our neighbors. Boston Post
VIII the looming man . shut tho dour
after him9 lie win in this Office, or the going
man will go out of the window. - LosceH
Citizen.
What eminent hero is suggested by Nj.
Eichburg's going to visit Pattip Wel,
Julius sees her with profound apologies all
around. - The Score.
Whatever you have to do, do it with alt
your might. Many lawyer has made his
fortune by simply working with will
Yonhers Statesman.
"Why don't you dress as wen as yonr
clerks?e was asked the other day of Wall
street man g / can't" was the answer,
"they Gun get trusted
The reason that baggage-man recently
hurled himself from a fourth-story window
was that he was insane and thhught he was a
.xssr,1rS: I5oston iiost.
The coming woman viii not marry until
she is able to'support husband in the style
lie has been accustomed to at honey. J.
Commercial Adgertiser.
How did we come to possess our present
dressqn is one of the questions by the editor
Of Nature. can't say sir Presume the
tailor didn't know ou.-Boston Post
Scene in an artists studio: Sustomer---.
You say those figures are life-szef My
dear sir, they seem very SMALL Artist
Perfectly correct, sir; you know life is
short y
There WAS severe frost in North Carolina
the other night. Not only was vegetation
killed, but about one-half the population got
up in the morning, black. = Chronicle Herald
"A little child was addressed by gentleman
the other day. " How old are sou, my dear 20
he asked. "old9" said the child. indignant
ly. "Pm not old at all I'm quite new ~
Ifsone Of the wiseacres who arc predicting
the drying up Of tho earth would only show
the earth an example of similar character,
it wonld be we'll Nee York Commercial Id
geTtiscP.
Prof. Tenner, of Brockport, has written u
lecture on "The Uses of the Pump Ev-
cry reporter should have copy Pgcalo
Express. Milkman, you meen.--Neac erik
Commercial Advertiser.
Flies talk, SO an Eoglsh scientist says, ~
as interviewers they don't come up Ia bees,'
and for a singing article they are fan Lehiad
the intelligent bat biting American mosquito.
N Y. Commercial Adcertjser.
Onward, still onward. No better violence
of human progress can be found than in tho
fact that each new number OF a monthly
magazine is announced by its publishers to La
infinitely superior to its predecessors.
The Philadelphia Neus thinks Mast might
employ his pencil, poking fun at the people
who get trapped by bogus silver mines. He
lost $4,000 himself" But you seq Mast
doesn' see anything funny in it.--NeO York
Post
--"Who did the churning last week .
asked Farmer Fouroelock. II did," said
Bill. ss1hen you do it again this week, =
said the old man zone good churn deserves
another" Covert expressions of joy by all
of Bills brothers and sisters.
wax-work figure of Franklin on exhibit
ton in France, is labelled Franklin, in
ventor of electricity This saVant,
after having made seven voyages aronnd the
world, died on the Sandwich Islands, and
was devonred by savages, of whom not u
single fragment was ever recovered. :.
This is the season of the year when the
miuce pie comes to town, and the citizen
comes down town after dinner trying to pry
raisin seed out Of a hollow tooth with. "a
buckskin mittep, and be stops in the drug
store and orders another box Of those powdes 81
for indigestion.