The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-05-28
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The cattle raiser Is obliged to watet his stock
occasionally.
Electricity In Frsnklin's time WAS wonder
now we make light Of it,
The store maple sugsr ID known N the oleo-
margarine OF the forest
Where was he when no SPIDER aud where will
she beetle'se sees her again;
The art OF education has been reduced 10 50
fine point that even hawser can be- taut.
1t is SAID that the French have no respect for
the oyster because it never had Bonaparte.
The latest sign of spring is not the robin, but
the young man on the nickel-plated bicycle.
A young LAZY ct ball called her beau sn In
dian, because he WAS on her trail all the time.
Mahone is to build fine house in Washington
rs soon as he can make bargain with the
builders.
One Of the leading ministers Of Boston plays
the violin A sort OF fiddle. D.. d., so to speak.
Cambridge T'ieAnr
81 see that Stephanie wept when at the altar.
Just give me n chancc-but no, am quite too
awfully young."--GaH Hamilton.
People who are puzzled with large figures can
assist themselves by remembering that billion
Is simply million with cold in its head.
The sardwich Argus Id publishing T. Life Of
CHRIST ss a serial. As 1t Is not Bcechers, how
ever, it may not be Objectionable AZ family
reading.
Mary Clcmmer says senator Frye has II retreat
ing chin. The New .0rcans Picay,sne thinks it
is probable tina, the senator's chin is afraid Of his
cheek.
We never knew before that the Chinese could
be sarcastic, but they are going into 1t now on II
gigantic scale. The yccroy wants to rcorganize
their navy on the American plan
The Philadelphia policeman who turned into
stone is, strange as II may seem, greater curl
osity than the orc who turaed into beer saloon.
-NO1riSio,rl Herald
An Illinois girl with breach of promise case
testified that II was the usual thing for girls to
show their love letters to fifteen or twenty other
girls, In order TO make them Jealous.
Fashionable belle wants to know what shade
will be the N st preferred this coming summer.
Well, the shade OF big elm tree will be very
popular, but OF the seaside the shade Of BIZ
umbrella Will be much sought after
Mayor Young is trying the experiment of pre-.
venting hydrophobia on the Josh Billings plan
OF vaccinating the dogs with buckshot
A little three, year-old, while her mother was
trying To get her 70 sleep, became interested in
some outside noise She was told /. WAS caused
by cricket, when she sagely observed NAM
ma, think no ought to be oiled"
The Inducements held out by Chicago as a
summer resort were never greater than ut pres.
ent. Two eminent American tragedians are in
London, and another has started for California,
and Lawrence Barrett Will stay near the Atlantic
during the hot months.
Some one having offered prize for poem in
which the word butter" would be made to
rhyme with "oleomargarine," the Washington
Rtpu5iicdn churns out the following
Please pass the butter, cen
II irs oleomargarine.
''Do you love me, MaudY' SAID u lover bold
As her head rested gently on his collar
"Do you love NE better than jewels aud goldf
Is your heart rs true AS new trade dollarw
She gaZed on hun then with her soulful eyes
That met his own with lovely glitter,
And softly murmured between the hugs,
Do love you, GEORGE Well, should twtter."
man in Chicago IL making fortune cultivat.
Ing the mcphtle plant known rs skunk cabbage.
He sells it under the attractive name Of Califor-
MIA lily, and along the streets the smell Is SO
much better than the ordinary atmosphere that
the plant is in large demand.
man who has about forty.seven hairs grow
ing on his face, Is always possessed to wear
full beard, aud goes about with n countengnce
like Il thinly settled hucEloberry pasture, while
the man that can beat Aaron of old out Of sight
with a full beard, shaves twice Il week aud the
rest of the time his face looks like sheet Of No
emery paper They are each reaching fo' the
impossible, and miss by hair
MOTHERS cLQCF
youth sat on II sofa wide,
Within II parlor dim;
The maid wHu fingered by his fioc
Was oil the world IN him.
What brought that glad light to bis eye
That cadence to his tone?
Why burns the lamp of love 90 high,
Though midnishts hour hath uOwuf
The clock above the glowing CRATE
Has stopped ut half past ten;
And, long as that young man may vat
II VIII not strike again.
The artful maiden knows full wei!
"dIt makes the clock act 80,
And why no earthly power can tell
Tie time for him ~ 20.
SprhgtieR hpab..eds.
II seems 10 be admitted that eX. Senator Conk.
ling threw himself out of a three story window
having frat tied Mr.. Plat by the ears to his coat.
tails unce" the impression that pile Of leather.
beds lay In the court yard below To receive HIM
Was this Impression accuTateY Ia II so clear
that cx. Senator Coukling be reelected by
the legislature now In session World.
Out in Laramie the papers publish nice little
personal notices. Here is one from the Boomer.
arsg: Has L goggle.eyed astronomer noticed
recently, floating through space, a bald.hcaded
planet, with appavently no regular orbit and eyl.
GENTLY drifting sou'west by SOU like bob tail
comet looking for drink? The luminous come,
Henry K. Crosby has drifted into space, and
those who have from - cents TO So stock In him
would like to know where lie went to-"