Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-12-04
PLEASATTRIES.

Follow the example of trees
some things in the shade.
MANY of the richest planters Of
Domingo live on coffee grounds.
NEVER write the word "finis back
ward. 1t will be sin if you do.
A PIG was never known to wash, but
great many people have seen the pig
iron.
A DRY-GooDs house advertises lawl
dresses that will wash. Isn't it the bust
ness Of a laundress to wash?
The hog may not be thoroughly post
ed in arithmetic, but when you come to
square root he is there-the hog is.
"WHAT makes the hair fall out ?" asks
correspondent. Usually it is the prop
erty of the deceased that makes the heirs
fall out.
A RIVERS mouth is larger than its
head, the sea has arms but no hands,
and mountain has foot but no legs
Queer, isn't it?
Rev. GEORGE H. HEPwoRTH has writ
ten romance entitled I" !" It is. in
SIS, and the interest is +tling and unred.
-LoaUeN Courier.
A CORRESPONDENT writes CIVIL you
tell US what Mrs. Langtry's maiden
name wasp" Certainly; her maiden
aim was to marry Mr.. Langtry.
MANY Il newspaper has been assassin
ated in the same way as the late Sultan
Abdul Aziz, by means of scissors.-NeaO
| York CoD1A2erciot AduertiSer.
| A LITTLE 3-year-old said to her mother
one day, Mamma, you married papa
| SO that 10 one else could get him, didn't
| YOU 2" Her ideas of human nature were
quite earnest.
"WHAT is the greatest charge on rec
ord?" asked the Professor of History.
And the absent-minded student an
swered: Seventeen dollars for hack
hire for self and girl for two hours"
AN Arkansas journal says that they
have III that State spring SO powerfully
inpregnated with iron that the farmers
horses which drink at it never have to
be shod, the shoe growing on their feet
naturally.
CAUGHT in the act: Clara-"O Char
ley, you naughty boy L saw you throw
your cigar away just as 1 came round
the corner" Charley" Why didn't
you say you wanted it? How was I to
know 2"
That genial old proyerb manufacturer
who wrote, "All work and no play
makes Jack dull boy" forgot to add
that all play and no work makes Jack a
professional sport at 20 years of age,
and lands him in the penitentiary st g.
"HENRY," said his wife, with chilling
severity, 81 saw you coming out Of q
saloon this afternoon" "Well. nv
darling." replied the heartless man,
'you wouldn't have your husband stay
ing in saloon ali day, would your"
PHYSICIANS have decided that q mar
hailing from a small town in Kansas has
two hearts. What q predicament he vii
be in when his girl asks him, "Do yor
love me with all your hearth" He vii
have to say, Which heart ?" and thai
may break the engagement. -Phitadel
2hia Sun.
SAID a distinguished politician to his
son "Look at me! 1 began as al
Alderman, and here I am at the top O
tie tree. And what is my reward
Why, when [ die my son will be til,
greatest rascal in the city" To this til,
young hopeful replied Eyes, dad
when you die, and not till then"
DR.. BEARD says the Americans are til,
most nervous people on earth becaus
they are the most highly civilized ant
intellectual. Oh, well; if that's wha
ails us we shall no longer complain; bu
there have been times when we shout,
have preferred little more nerve ant
: less intellectually Her
.. aid.