The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-02-24
TICKLING TRIPLES.

Swell. my wife, you can't say evel
contracted bad habits.'' mo, sir; you
generally expanded them"
True friends visit us in prosperity on
ly when invited, but in adversity they
come without invitation.
Love never reasons, but profusely
gives; gives, like a thoughtless prodi-
gal, its all, and trembles then, lest il
has done too little.
In a recent sermon the Rev. Henry
Ward Beecher described bass drum as
''two. sheep-skins spread over empty
middleness.
..When tempted to anger, breathe a
prayer. Jes so. When you happen to
stub your toe, for instance, murmur.
'.Now lame me.''
Street row: First gamin: ''TIl fill yer
mouth with gravel" Second gamin:
''Yer'n have big job doin' it, First
gamin: ''Oh, I'll get steam shovel -
Although very early this season, it
has already been discovered that during
the present winter ice will, as usual
freeze with the slippery side up.
A Parisian musical dictionary defines
a shout to be unpleasant noise pro-
duced by over-straining the throat, for
which great singers are well paid, and
small children well punished"
The Fall poets should chip in and
erect a monumentto to the man who in
vented the names of the month. Where
would they be if he had not put in
September to rhyme with remember?
81 have three children who are the
very image of myself II pity the
youngest" replied his interlocutor.
..Whyr' because he is the one who
will have to resemble you the longest"
What is life? In infancy, battle
with collie; in youth, a struggle to keep
out of mischief; in manhood, n strug-
gle with indigestion, and in old age,
the prelude of contested will case.
The Philadelphia Item runs a ..Lov-
ers' COrner,' and places it up close,
OH ever so close, to the pictured adver-
tisement of parlor sofa This truth
fulness to life is what our journalism
needs more examples of.
A certain gentleman recently lost his
wife, and a young miss of six, who came
to the funeral, said to his little
daughter of about the same age, ''Your
pa will marry again. won't hep ''Oh,
yes was the reply; ''but not until af-
ter the funeral"
True domestic sympathy Wife of
his bosom (after. learning that he has
lost a fortune on the stock eXchange):
s.WiIl you promise me one thing?' He
(repentant): ..What? Never to enter
the CITY more?'' She: '.No, darling,
but that you won't be discouraged, and
will try again.
Noted by the New York Herald: A
great deal of missionary work may be
done by an old overcoat that is put up
on poor man instead of on a closet
hook. A hungry man with heavy
coat on does not suffer as many or as
terrible cravings as he would if most of
the warmth of his blood escaped to the
ungrateful air of winter.
Rose. McWhortleberry heard her mas
ter remark at the dinner table the 9TH
er day that Ksmet meant 'fate," and
that is the reason why she SO astonish-
ed her mistress by remarking next day
to Belinda, the chambermaid: .'Oh,
Blindy, I can't scarcely walk wild the
chilblains all over me two Kismets."
81 have no patience with a man who
can't remember thing no longer than
its being told him." exclaimed Jones
impatiently. '.Now l can carry thing
in my mind month if need be.'
You're lucky dog, JONES'" remark
ed Pendergast, quietly; lit isn't every
body that has so much room in his mind
as you have, you know"
A woman may talk .'women's rights
'.independence of the sexes" ''suf-
frage,' ..her MISSION" and all that sort
of thing, but when her face lights up
at the sight of baby and she calls it a
..sweet little ootsy t9otsy," instead of
an infant you may bet fifteen cents
that woman's heart is in the right place
and that she will come out all right in
tho end -