Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1881-02-05
sardsne. Under Difficulties.

Sardines, Under Difficulties.
LOOK here. my dear. said M Spoopendyse.
tossing over the laces and ribbons ia his wtfss
bureau drawer. whats become OF the can
opener don't see 1t anywhf E."
what DO yor want OF It," asked Mrs $780,
penoyke, nuttertng. up to protect her trtnkets
and trying TO gain little time
81 want 10 open some SardlueS with it." re-
sor.ed MT Spoopendyke, abandoning the drawer
wanted 10 comb my hair with II. Ina ,ne
wanted 10 write letter with 1t: Vel, don't.
l want some sardines. What have you done
You might take your big knife" recon-
mended Mrs Spoopendyke SThe large blade
Is Just the thing for that"
MI. Spoopehdyke seized the knife and bored
away at one corner OF the box, while his wife
looked on with considerable distress
49,: aa tIy You better put paper under the
oox: loull get the oil all over the table cloth -
suggested Mrs Spoopendyke
o NJ NON either" said Mr.. Spoopendyke.
as me KNIFE plunged through and the oil spat
,e in serve you right II did" he continued
pioug ming away at the tin, while the grease
flew 10 all directions. 1T would teach You 70
put the can opener where you could itnd IL.
Mhat KIND Oh housekeeping do you cali this.
anyhow he yelled, as the blade slipped Oui
ana closed up on his fingers.
DID you hurt Yourself dear" asked Mrs.
Spoope ndy Ike, anxiOuSly.
mo, didn't hurt myself" grinued Mr..
! Spo0peDdyke. The dCd gasted knifp stru,L,
the bone, or would have been dead with agony
an hour ago. Give me some ether :" he hoyIed.
Fetch me some cblor0form Spose i'm going
to saw at this box any more without an ana5,
/ tetic? Got an idea I'm going to CHIP of a
couple dozen fingers without something 70
deaden the pain? Where's the laughing gas :
Give Inc some laughing gas while extract
! these measly old fish" and Mr. Spoopendyke
pranced around the room, and then jabbed the
knile Into the box again. and ripped away as
away from me- he yelled, hacking at the box
with all his might. :" | know you're in there,
ana there cant any dod gasted sardIae that
ever was built get away from me. Come out,
tei 5e -. aho heeseized fish by the. tail and
siung him across the room. You're transact
ing business with Spoopendyke now and he
claWed out handful OF mashed serdines and
slapped them down on plate.
Wont you spoil EN-, Ceare" asked Mrs.
SpOopenoyke, lodging the lying heads and
tails; They won't be very good IL you open
"oh, won't theyc" howled MIR. Spoopendyke.
III you don't like EN- that way, what'd you
ask them for? Maybe you want me to take EN-
our Id baby carriage. Praps you have got an
ldea ought to climb under EN- and Lift EN-
out. May be you want me to get into that box
with boat aud take 'em out with a seine. Wen.
won't l ten ye. Give me the tongs, | want
that fish at the bottom. Where's the tongues
Gone 10 gel married to the Can opener haven't
they and Mr.. Spoopendyke grabbed another
nsh and tired him into the CRATE
BE. BE patient, my dear" said Mrs Spoopen-
WIDER, and they'll come out"
Amt patient shouted Mr.. Spoopendyke
~ ~ Taps you want me TO sing to'ein. 1 wish /
was an ange! and with the dod CAST the fish.
come out OF that" and with wrench Mr.
SPookendyke hauled Of the top and disclosed
me maDgled remains OF his enemies. Nov
give me lemon; quick now
pom my WORD, my dear. ! don't believe
there's lemon in the house." stammered Mrs,
Spoopends ke ii had one"
20, you had one!" proclaimed Mr. Spoopen-
dyke, ''only you're Just out II you'd been
nG.y6
ana q family on TIE top floor TO be grocery sho, =.
pose I'm going 10 eat these sariines raw?
Think I'm going to swallow these hsh alive?
Gimme something TO put OMEN, VIII ye?''
hat would you Ike my GEAR" queried Mrs
Spoopendyke.
Ink, dod CAST #! Fetch me some measly ink.
Somewhere?' and Mr.. Spoopendyke projected
himself into the closet and praneed out with a
bottle OF arDica. There" he howled as he
dashed the contents over the sardines, there's
your i1sh all ready for you, and the next time
you want NE 10 open the things. you have q
lemon, viii ye. Find can opener won't ye:"
and MT. Spoopendyke Hoped into his easy
chalr and picked up the paper.
Don't you want some OF the fish, asked
Mrs. Spoopendy Ike, after long pause.
NO. don't" growled Mr.. Spoopendyke.
but this is fresh box said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. displaying the sardines In neat layers.
How q you get 1t OPEN" demanded Mr..
Spoopendyk Ike.
with the can opener" replied his wife-..I
sharpen It,
Maybe l put the lemon in there to sharpen
tnat, too, grunted Mr.. Spoopendylle, pegglng
away at the box and looking uD with his m0rlt h
iuIl, out recognizing the taste OF vinegar he
mace some remarks about some people only
needing handle and cork 10 be d FortunaJrls
jug, and having finished the lot. he demanded
Why his wife hadn't asked for EN- II she wanted
some, and went 10 bed with some ncoherent
ooseTyatfOrS On the absurdtY OF folks sitting
around like martyrs with fish within reach. -
RIOOhiLN EnQle.