Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-05-06

JOsHs BILLINGs' 'sTRUMP CARDS. IL
have never known a sekond wife but what
was boss ov the situashun.
After a man gets to be SO years old he
kant form any new habits much-the best
he kan do is to steer hiz old ones.
Emmy man who kan swap horses or ketch
fish and not lie about IL just az Plus az
men ever get to be IN this world.
The sassyest man ever met il hen
peckt husband when he il away from
home
An enthusiastic il an individual who
believes about four times az much az he
kan prove, and he kan prove about four
times az much az anybody believes.
The dog that will follow ennybody ain u
with cent.
.Thoze people who are trieing to get to
heaven on their kreed will find out at last
that they didn It have a thru ticket.
Too long courtships are not always ju-
dicious-the partys often tire out skoreing
before the trot begins.
One quart ov cheap whiskey (the cheap
er the better) judiciously applied, will do
more business for satan than the smartest
deacon he has got.
[ don't rekolect doing emmy thing that
was just little ashamed ov but what
somebody remembered it, and waZ sure,
once in while, to put me in mind ov it.
Young man, learn to wait; if you under
take to sett hen before she il ready you
will lose your time and confuse the hen be-
sides.
Nature seldom makes phool-she SIM
ply furnishes the raw materials, and let's
the fellow finish the job to- suit himself.
Children are but lit tie
people, yet they form an important part of
society, expend much of our capital, en-
nloy greater portion of our population
in their service. and occupy half the lite
rati of our day in labors for their instruo-
tion and amusement. They cause more
trouble and anxiety than the national
debt; the loveliest of women in her matur-
ity of charms, breaks not so many slum-
bers, nor occasions so many signs, as she
did in her cradle; and the handsomest Of
men with full grown niustaches, must not
fatter himself that he is so much admired
as he was when in pettiooats. Without
any reference to their being our future
statesmen, philosophers and magistrates
in miniature disguise, children form, in
their present state of pigmy existence, a
most influential class of beings; and the
arrival of a bawling infant who can saroe-
ly open his eyes, and only opens its mouth,
like an unfedged bird, for food, will effect
the most extraordinary alteration in
whole household; substitute affection for
GOODNESS, duty for dissipation, cheerfulness
for gravity, hustle for formallty, and
unite hearts which time has divided.
OUTGRoWING ONES FRIENDS. There
are men and women il public life whose
pathway is marked by the ''remains'' of
whilom friends whom they squeezed dry
and dropped, like so many sucked oranges.
In politics it is said of such man that he
has kicked down the ladder by which be
climbed. In literary or other walks OF
life the human sponge often swells up with |
the thought that he has ''outgrown'' his
humble friends of other days. In private
life the self-conscious soul contents itself |
with becoming more and more the center |
Of it's little circumference, taking none
within it's orbit who will not consent to /
resolve around it and emit light and |
warmth for its enjoyment, There have
been many and noble definitions of what !
q friend is. People of real individuality,
strength and sentiveness, doubtless have
fewer real friends than they are apt to
think, unless they have been cherishing,
low ideals. But whatever
! friend may not be, certainly that. sweet
and noble term is unmerited BIZ one who,
however generous in other directions, is
selfish of himself, - Golden Bale.
WISE men mingle innocent mirth with |
heir cares as help either to- forget or