The Portland daily press., 1881-10-14
The Spoopendykes.
The Talk They Had over Their First-BOrn.



"well, well, WELL" said Mr.. spoopendyke,
with grin that involved his whole head, and
an effort at tiptoe tread that shook the whole
house. "And SO it's girl, my dear"
Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled family and Mr.
Spoopendyke picked up his heiress
'It's the image of you, she said, regarding
with some trepidation Mr.. Spoopendyke's
method of handling the infant.
"I don see how you make that out" said
Mr.. Spoopendyke gravely. 81 don't know
when my nose looked like the thumb part Of
boiled lobster claw. Do understand you that
my eyes bear any resemblance TO the head of q
screw?"
'I mean the general features" murmured
Mrs. Spoopendyke.
''The g ,neral features seem all mouth" re-
torted Mr.. Spoopendyke, examining his acqui-
sltion. ''If our general features are st all alike
my visage must remind you of an earthquake.
Hill kitcheel kitcheel What makes her fo.d
up her legs like that?"
"She can't help it," reasoned Mrs Spoopen-
dyke. "Theylf straighten out in time"
"No time like the present." quoted Mr..
Spoopendyke, and he took his daughter feet
and commenced pulling her limbs. 81 don't
want any handy legged first IN this family
while I'm at the head Of it,"
Naturally the baby began to cry and Mr..
Spoopendyke essayed to soothe it.
"Hil kitcheel kitcheei kitch-ee-ee!" be CHR
ruped. "Great Scott what cavern! ANY idea
how much this mouth weighs? Ell, kitcheel
kitch-e-el You'll have to get this mouth rooted
in before cold weather. What's ihe matter
with her, anyway"
"Perhaps you hurt her. Let me take her,
please" pleaded helpless Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"She's doing well enough. Hi you'll hold
up! Haven't you anything to catch this mouth
in? It's spilling all over the neighborhoOd.
Hi Topsy, Genevieve, Cleopatra, dry upl I'm
going to have trouble breaking this young one's
temper, can see that. Here, bend the other
way once!" and Mr.. Spoopendyke tried to
straighten up his offspring without avail
"Let her come to me, do, please" mOaned
Mrs. Spoopendyke, and Mr.. spoopendyke was
forced to hand her over.
"Well, that's quite baby" said he, nurs-
ing his knee and eyiDg the infart. "WhaFre
those bumps over its eyes for? What prepon-
derance of intelligence do they represenR
"You mustn't talk So" demonstrated Mrs:
Spoopendyke. "She is the handsomest child
you ever saw.
"Well, she's got to stop biting her nails be-
fore she goes any further with this procession.
Here, take your hands out of your mouth, can't
you? Why don't you put her hands DOWN.
"Why, all babies do that" explained Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "You can't stop that"
.'I'm going to try" said Mr.. Spoopeadyke,
ssand 1 don't want to be interfered with in
bringing this child up. Here, you, Maud
s. Bonesetter. put your hands in your pockets
Don't let me see any more nail chewing or you
and I'll get mixed up in an argument. She gets
that from your family, Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"Say, dear, don't you want TO go aud order
some things?" asked Mrs Speopendyke.
"No," rejoined her husband, II want to see
this youngster. Where's her chin? Do ba-
bies always have their upper. jaw set right, =! on
their shoulders? Kitchee! kitcheel Her
| scalp comes clear to the bridge of her nose /
| don't believe she's quite right. Where's her
forehead? Great Mosesl Her head is all on
| the rack partl Say, that baby's got to Do
| pressed. That's no shape"
SECT away" exclaimed Mr.. Spoopendyke
| Indignantly. "She's perfect angel. There 8
nothing in the world the matter with her.
"Of course you know" growled Mrs Spoop-
| endyke. "You don's want anything more than
| fog horn and a misspent appropriation 70 %
an orphan asylum. If had your ialth ana the
| collie, I'd make living as founding homel
| She'll be old enough to spank in week, won
she?"
s.No, she won't;" said Mrs. spoopendyke.
"She'l never be old enough for that"
"I'll bet she will," grunted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. ssif she isn't, e'll-get it before she ma
| lures up to that period. That's all. Let me
| take her. Here, let's have her."
But Mrs. SpooDendyke fatty refused.
Keep your dod gasted baby, thenl' ro7red
Mr.. sSpoopandyke. IF you know more more
| about babies than I do, then keep her. The
| way YOU coddle her one would think she vas q
new paste for the complexion. II you had one
more brain and handle, you'd make fair
rattle boxI Fit you up with grease spot and
| you'd do for a second hand nursery;
Aud Mr.. Spoopendyke started of to md MS
| friend Specklewottle, who congratulated him,
| and started with him to assist in the selection
of an overcoAt and pair of ear muffs against
| the approaching winter.