The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1881-11-06
TIE MODERN Eat RACK

No candid man can exam oe the
modern hat.rack without ieeli1g that
il is inexplicable on the theory If its
demoniacal origin. indeed, bu' ]
man mind is so constituted th At it
instinctively refers ali tie cont''yan-
ces estensibly intended for holding
hats to the devil, snd most of us would
confess belief that the devil makes
hat-racks did We not fear the derision
of 80 called philosophers. is 1t rta-
sonable TO suppose that any human
being seriously Designed for ' good
purpose the com binatidn CT brass lods
which lie to be seen above tue tables
in CERTAIN reetsurauis? Cs'euslbly
these rods are intended FIR the tenn
ootarg storage OF hats; but when a
man tries " put his nat on brass
r. d rack it instantly talla down again,
AM ujiags Win 1t .WO other hats and
d. % newspapers. the former OF
which upset the caster while the latter
difase II smselve over the butter and
the beefssesk. No'hiDg but the
theory of the active influence of evil
spirits can account Tor this style OF
hat-rack, end yet it is really an inge
NOUS malignity to the common hat
rack of private houses.
This diabolioal oontrlvAnoe is always
placed in the dark corner of the hall
"a fact which shows that evil spirits
are concerned not merely in manu-
featuring but in placing it. The
consequence is that the visitor gropes
for it, and so doing infaliibly knocks
down the overcoats and hats which
are already hung upon it. When be
is able to perceive it with bis eyes.
be can find no satisfactory peg. The
malicious manufacturer never fails to
make the pegs so short that TO induce
the hat to balance itself upon one OF
them is a task requiring both time
and dexteritY. Not content With hi,
the manufacturer places the pegs go
close together that it is impossible lor
adjoining pegs to support eacn its
own hat az the same time, The Or
binary victor learns this truth only
by sad experience. He persists IL try
ing TO hang his hat on the peg next TO
that which bears the hat of the bead
of the house, and i! ia only after he
knocked the original hat dom with
his own hat. and then knocked bis
own hat down by trying to restore the
other to its original place, that. be
perceives the fell purpose of she
maker of hst-rscks.
Only the ingenuity of O. nons
could have combined An umbrella
stand with hat-rack. The otject OF
this unholy combination is'oovlOusly
to tempt the visitor to de oosit his
overcost on the protyuding handles
of half a dozen umbrellas and canes.
The prudent man rarely attempts t.
hang his ovetcoat on peg, Tor be
knows that ia so doing be will knock
down all tie hats. Moreover, it is
the practice OF the satanic maDaiac-
Iturer to put in the pegs 30 loosely thst
the weight OF AN oyerco3t when put
on any one of them will pull it out.
He therefore folds his overcoat up
and lays it gently On the umbrella
handles, 2Instantly these delusive
supports give way. A rafting ava
lanche OF canes and umbrellas strikes
lon the marble floor, and the betrayed
Iovercoat sartbers to itself ell the avail
able dirt that has accumulated in the
bottom of the umbrella stand, while
the startled and indignant visitor
breaks into language which Nigh
well fill listening demons with fiend-
| ish Joy. 30 notorious has the char
acter OF the combined nat.rack ana
| umbrella stand become that wise
men never NEEDLE with it, bu
uniformly place their folded over
coats on the floor in corner of tai
hall, and pa! their hats On their over
coats.
Now. ii We attempt to account TO
the hat-rack on any theory which
excludes the supernatural, We max
a failure. Il is in vain Tor us to ask
ourselves why men shonld make al
article of furniture tina. can accom-
plish no conceivable end except tn,
evaporation of mankind The ms
. Iment We assume that hat-racks sr'
the work Of evil spirits they becom
coherent and ineligible. Is it lot
then, pity that the abolition O
faith in evil spirits leaves US withou
any method of accounting for tn
existence of hat.rscks, and compel
us to cay that We do not know. ant
cannot conceive, for what purpos
they are nade?-M. z, Times.