davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01

Prentice milford, in the San Fran
cisco Chronicle. relates the following in
his experience of comical and provoking
annoyances as a public speaker. He
says: ''None can realize until they enter
/ the lecture-feld what trivial occurrences
may transpire to upset the unfortunate
man on the platform, and divert and dis
tract from him the attention of an au-
.dience.
ION one occasion a cat got into the
church where I was speaking, and
trotted up and down course she had
laid out for herself before the pulpit.
She did this with an erect tail, and at
times made short remarks.
''It is singular that single cat acting
in this manner is more effective in inter-
esting Edamusing an intelligent audi
ence' than any speaker. Under such
conditions Cicero himself would have to
knock under to the cat. He might go
on talking, but the cat would capture the
! house.
''And then the awful sensation of be-
ing obliged to keep on as though nothing
had disturbed you; to pretend you don't
see such a cat; that you are not thinking
of it, and knowing all the while that your
audience are getting their moneys worth
out of the cat, and not out of you'll"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
wild, unutterable horror spread over his
l lsr,nnr.no,.Ar I.-.l----.1I-..

wild, unutterable horror spread over his
lineaments dusky pallor.
He cut the embrace short, and they
went and took their places on the coy
tete-a-tete in the corner. Then she no.
ticed that there was q far-of, troubled
look In his eyes, and he shifted about
uneasily, as if vaguely aware that some
thing was the matter, but that he
couldn't detect the odor, which resem-
bled day before-yesterday' fried onions.
and which was lingering dreamily around
on the soft, warm air.
Dearest asked she, slyly, "what is
the matter?"
Nothing, sweetheart, nothing: that
is, nothing answered he, as his gaze
few swiftly from enc object to another.
tBut there must be, said she, lean
ing forward. You are not yourself
tonight. You have something on your
mind. Tell me, darling;" and she tried
to gaze into his face, while he lodged
Ny love, you are not well, " she said,
anxiously, as she wound her arm about
his neck and drew his head about until
their faces nearly touched. "Wh-h-hs Al
is the mattef?" and she tenGerly sighed
her soul into tears
her with look in his eyes like that OF
hunted Wild beast.
Cob, great Godfrey he groaned. as
the fatal simeon str.iaS him. "You-
that is, Lam not feeling very WELL"
- But dearest, you seemed all right
when you came in, :" she persisted, low
ingly, and then she sighed again, and he
jumped like a goaded mule and kicked
over little table.
81 know I did," said he, nervously
picking up the poker and abstractedly
putting it in his coat-tail pocket. 81
know I did, but I'm awful bad now
I'm afraid I'll have to CO." he contin-
ued, as she leaned over toward him
again. 81 think I am going to have the
yellow fever"
Gracious, Charles, " said she. "Can
it be that you are i'll ?"
eyes," answered he, as he arose and
ran the poker through his hair in an i'll
directed, agitated manner. Good
night, darling. Don't kiss me-" he
continued, rhuddering, '.you might
take the fatal scourge, and ne burst out
of the door and disappeared.
The young girl, as she wandered dis
tressed and musing out of the room,
next tackled gruff old lodger, who, in
pretty strong language, convinced her
of the fact that she had been eating
onions and she discovered the joke by
asking the same girls who had played
the trick on her, in an agonizing tone
of voice, if her breath was really per-
ceptible. They exploded with ill-timed
leVity, and then told her all. She says
now she never will. have anything to do
with them again as long as she lives,
and as for Charles Augustus, we'll
Baltimore american.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
How Church.Tower Clocks Are Wound.

The oldest er-c1ock in New York is
in st. Paul's steeple. It was made in
1778, by John Thwait, of London. The
clock in st. Johns Church was put in
the tower in 1872. The Trinity clock was
placed in its lofty station, 200 feet from
the pavement, in 1916, by James Rogers.
In dry weather this clock runs WE'LL but
in damp, chilly weather it sometimes
stops, owing to the precipitation of mois-
ture on the wheels. Originally two men
were required to wind it, each of the
three /, 500-pound weights having to be
lifted over fifty feet. Some time ago the
winding gear was changed SO that one
man can now wind it.
Describing the operation of winding,
the clock-keeper said: "The crank is
about twenty inches long, and when I
turn it around [ make a sweep of thirty
inches. It's a good deal harder than
turning grindstone, but the machine
has rachel, so that can stop and rest
when I want to- The crank has to be
turned $50 times to turn the barrel
twenty one times. Around the barrel is
wound the wire rope that holds the
l,500-pound weight. The weight is SIM
ply box with pieces of iron in it. That
is very old-fashioned. Now we have iron
weights SO modelled that they can be
added to or subtracted from, and the
weight can be graded to a nicely. A
new wire rope was put to the chimes
weight the other day. The rope is what
is called tiller rope, and is $50 feet long
and three-quarters of an inch thick It
takes me an hour and half to wind up
the clock.
st. Paul's clock has single back gear
and two weights Of 1000 pounds each.
1t takes three-quarters of an hour to
wind it. St. Johns clock is wound in
less than an hour; while the modern
clock of ST. Georges, in charge of the
same keeper, is wound in fifteen min
utes.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
Eating Onf0EaA.

A couple of young girls living in a
boarding house on Charles street played
a mean trick on another young and at
tractive maiden in the same house. They
all had some cake and wine together,
and in the unsuspecting ones glass was
poured small portion of tincture of
asafetida, which, as every one knows,
smells like acongiomeration of onions,
bad eggs, decayed vegetables and a
host of other things too numerous to
mention.
The prank-playing damsels knew that
the unhappy maids Charles Augustus
called on Sunday, and they also knew
that, while she could not detect the fla
vor ofthe asafetida in the fragrant wine,
nevertheless it would produce to her
aforesaid Charles Augustus the impress
sion that she had been eatink onions by
the pecls, Poor. pretty little unsuspect-
ing thing4 She was radiant when she
few to the door and admitted the manly
form of the object of her hearts affec-
tons; and she did not observe, as they
were locked In close embrace, that, as
his lips met hers, drawing dimple
in the back of her neck, look of
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01

paid out money, as the need might be-
Both families had numerous children
ten of whom grew up and seven of whom
are now alive. Daniel had two sons. one
of whom died in 1859; the other grew
up and married while at home, and was
made just as much of by the family of
John as by his own, and In almost all
respects was treated as their own son
might have been. There was never
quarrel of any kind among the whole lot,
even when the grandchildren outnum-
bered the original children.
The partnership ended by selling out
the entire property and dividing the
proceeds, which was rendered necessary
BY the men getting too old to manage
their extensive business and there be-
ing no one to succeedit.
John died In 1876, aged rs; Daniel
died in July. 1878, aged 80. The men
went by the names of Uncle Daniel and
Uncle John wherever known.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01

VANITY OF HIGHwAYMEN.-A Calves
weston lady was reading newspaper ae-
count of stage robbery that recently
took place west of San Antonio and was
very indignant on reading that besides
robbing the passengers they had opened
the mail and read the letters, among
them, possibly, letter the lady herself
had written to friend. 'fYou needn't
be alarmed, remarked the lady's hus-
band, 81 dare say they did not read a
word in any of those letters, as those fell
Lows don't know B. from bulls foot. "
"Why, then, did they make out that
they read them p ooh, they made out
they could read SO as to make favorable
impression on the passengers. "-GGs-
UestOn NeaUs.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
PARIS PHILOSOPHY.


When the winter is cold
keep myself warm;
When the summer is hot
keep myself cool;
Its mebbe I'm bold,
And it's mebbe I'm not;
But gossoon's a fool
When he goes into harIni
See my old Uncle Dan
A wise one and stiddy-
whats the world to man
When his wife is widdy?"
When a soldier struts by
With his sword at his sida,
And the rattle, rattle drums
Beat The roll and the call.
He may go or may fly
stay here till death comes,
For mind me Of al
That in battle have diedl
am ike Uncle Dan,
For he said-troth and did he
whats the world to a man
When his wife is a widdy7"
When the sailor holsts sail
And stands out on the deep,
Leaving sweetheart or wife
And the chiider behind,
He timpts the wild gale
And he trihes with life,
And he sinks, dye mind,
Where the mermaidens sleepI
"pat," SEE old Uncle Dan,
"Stay at home with your Biddyi
What's the world to man
When his wife is a widdy2"
Let the scholar sit up
And write late and long
Toinsure him name
He may sit up for me;
Give Tne but full cup,
He may have all his fame;
For It's stuff, dye see,
And not worth an old song;
Let us live, Uncle Dan;
Let Us live and love, Biddy;
What's the world to man
When his wife Is a wildly?
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
Turkish Women.

The Turkish woman is manageable
at the age of 8 years, and, by Turkish
law, at that age, if married, she is COM
petent to manage her property and dis
pose of one-third of her fortune. The
law allows her to abandon her husbands
house for just cause, and will prote 1t
her in SO doing. She can not be COM
PEELED to labor for the support
of her husband. On the con-
trary, he is compelled to support her,
and it is penal ofense to insult or i'll
treat her. On an accusation of infidelity
her oath is accepted as equally good
with his, and collateral proof must be
obtained. Should he not furnish her
with funds she is authorized to borrow
in his name, and even to sell his prop
erty. After marriage she has the abso-
lutte control of her own property, which
he can not touch.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
GOSSIP FOR THE LADIES.
The Serenade


Josie Johnson, she was sweet spinner who spun,
And Sam Salter, her lover, singer who sung,
And her heart with his wiles ike ; wringer he
wrung.
as the yarn on the spindle was winding, she wound
Her affections around him, which finding, he found
pleasure in grinding the bosom he ground.
For Sans tickle heart, it did swing as twas swung
To girl in the choir who did sing where he sung,
And made walls and rafters to ring till they rung
SO one night, serenading her. creeping, Sam crept
To her window, white Josie, who weeping had wept
Her eyes almost out before sleeping, now slept
The stars strew the sky thick as ever twas strown
The zephyrs blew balny as ever they'd blown,
And Sam threw his voice slick ever he'd thrown.
The maid serenaded, she tore, or did tear,
Out Of bed, and the clothing she she did wear
And herself to the window she bore or did bear
Josie, zoo, at SANS voice lightly springing up,
sprung
From her couch, and the shutters back ninging she
dnng.
And meanwhile to her rival Sam, singing, thus
sung:
"Cruel alto, thy voice sends the dart it has sent
That rends this fond heart-more precisely, has
And which bleeding now spends the last drop it has
spent.
II deal not the wounds thou hast formerly dealt,
For kneel at thy window-or rather have knelt
But make me feel better than ever I've felt"
Could Sam in his plant more time spending have
spent,
Or more pathos still to IT lending have lent, 81
Toward him his giri'a heart, fondiy vending, had
went.
But here Josie, enraged, cried out bleeding or
bled,
I'll teach you you'd better be needing your head:n
And pitcher near by, swiftly speeding, she sped
Now Josie. though not singer who sung
Was something in the way Of finger who flung,
For square on Sans forehead the wringer it
wrung
But the missile was frai, for, in ceavng, 1t cleft
So then, bleeding in earnest, SAM leaving 1t, left
One damsel bereaving, the other bereft
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
SOUTHERN POLITICS.
What a North CaroIinian Says.

Washington Cor. Chicago Inter ocean,
Ex-Congressman W. A. Smith, of
North Carolina, is in the city. A con-
versation with him naturally turned
upon the late dramatic scene in the Sen
ate and Gen. Mahone's present position,
and its effects upon the future politics
of the South we're freely discussed by
the genial North Carolinian.
"What effect" was asked, twill Mr..
Mahone's movement have on the Bour-
bon element in Southern politics? Will
there be break ?"
II cannot speak for the Bourbons of
other Southern States. but for those of
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
Two Sisters.

In 1886 two sisters finished Their
course of study in Western school.
The youngest, whom we shall here call
Sarah, regarded herself as an altogether
exceptional woman, and had brought he1
school-fellows to think the same. The
truth was, she had all active brain, q
retentive memory, an indomitable will,
and great ambition. She declared the
ordinary life of women afforded no scope
for her powers.
She pursued her studies on leaving
school, totally neglected all social and
domestic duties, went through medical
course, and was finally admitted to prac-
tice in an Eastern city. At that time,
such a career involved hard fighting on
her part against the press, public opin-
ion, the medical faculty, the very teach
ers who instructed her. She was quite
ready to fight. Her tongue was sharp,
her pen facile. her wit bitter and coarse.
Such contest would be justified if
her motive had been high one, as it is
with many women who leave the beaten
track. But in her case, she was urged
on neither by desire to help suffering
humanity, to elevate her sex, nor even
to develop a defined talent in herself.
She simply coveted notoriety.
When she had gained her profession,
she was in position to become real
helper in the world, an active. benefi-
cent power. But she settled down into
hard, sarcastic, selfish woman, no bet
ter doctor than the hundreds of young
M. DIS about her, and with narrower
Influence than most of the wives and
mothers of whom she always spoke
with pitying contempt. She died year
ago, "tired OUT as she said, "with
living, and with but one or two friends
to follow her to the grave.
Her elder sister was dull girl, cared
little for books, had no ambition. and
no especial talent Sarah used secretly
to wonder why the world was filled with
such commonplace nonentities, to lead
lives of nothing, nothing worthy. But
she had an affectionate heart, piety, COM
mon sense, fine tact, and, above all, alb
solute unselfshness.
She married, and became the mother
of half dozen children. They are men
and women now, with families of their
own. They are artists, authors, mer-
chants, ministers of the gospel, each life
an active current of strength and good
in the world.
Whatever any of us have done, said
her husband. once, cor may do that is
right or helpful, comes at first from
mother here in her chimney corner"
Young people starting out in the world
should remember that it is not the tai
emit of man nor his profession. but his
motive in living which in the end makes
his life great or noble, or miserable
failure. - Youths Companion.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
CherrybIe Brothers.

In the year 1928 Daniel and John Ed
wards commenced business at the Little
Genesee, Allegheny county, N. Y, un-
der the firm name of D. & J. Edwards,
and continued the same until 1874, a
period of forty-six years. There never
was scratch of a pen between them,
either as an article of partnership or in
the way of account, everything, even to
the provisions they consumed, being
common property. If one hada surplus
of anything and the other was short,
they divided. Both collected and both
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
The SERIOUS and the Funny.

It is very curious how intermingling
are the curious and the funny things of
life. Even at funeral something may
happen which viii make you smile
through your tears, and at wedding
something may make you weep in the
midst of smiles. Hoods verses arewon-
derfully true:
When I reflect with serious sense,
While years and years roll on, =
How soon may be summoned hence
There's cook calling " Johnl"
Our lives are built sc frail and poor,
On sand and not on rocks;
We're hourly standing at deaths DOOR
There's some one double knocksi
All human days have settled terms;
Our fates we cannot force.
This flesh Of mine viii feed the worms
They've come to lunch, Of course.
And when my body's turned to clay,
And dear friends hear my knel,
Oh, let them give q sigh and say
~ hear the upstairs bell p
TIE heart of statesman should be In
his head - N0o0LoO11 T
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01

MAMIE was sent on an errand to the
house OF friend who shows much taste
in the arrangement of her rooms. When
NJ. returned. she said: Mamma, think
Mrs. A. 3 rooms are very picturesque. "
Then she paused moment, as if in
doubt, and asked, lis that the word, or
should it be 'catastrophe?'"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
Austrian Ladies.

According to the Hotel Mail, every
lady of station in Austria knows how to
cook. They do not learn the art ct
regular cooking clubs or at home, but
they go to the house of Prince or rich
banker where there is q famous chef,
and learn from him. When chef en-.
cages to cook for any one he reserves
the right to receive and instruct as many
young ladies as he pleases. When a
banquet is to be given he notifies his
pupils, and they come to watch the
process, without necessarily knowing
the mistress of the house. At this time
it would be great breach of etiquette
for any member of the family to trespass
upon the cook and his department.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01

"NEvER borrow trouble" said hus-
band to his wife. sob, let her borrow
it If she can," exclaimed the next-door
neighbor !" she never returns anything.
YOU know
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01

A CHICAGO paper says big ears denote
generous disposition. Chicago folks
are excessively generous. They even
give themselves away.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01
4 Conservative View of WOnan,s
Rights.

A Southern law journal thus expresses
it's views of the woman's right question !:
We do not hesitate to express our ut
ter repugnance to all such acts las those
relating to the separate property of mar
ried women). Revelation teaches us
that God made man and wife one. Reve-
lation is always abreast of the times ,
and whenever legislation attempts to
step beyond the boundary lines defined
by it Gas we think the tendency of all
the acts is), it must be pernicious in its
effects on society" $50
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01

TIE heart of statesman should be In
his head. -NnDOLeon T
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-04-01

cept the Governor. The bill was ordered to
third reading by a small majority. The bill
to make Railroad and Insurance Commission
ers elective vas passed by large majority.
The Assembly adopted the resolutions proyid-
ing for final adjournment on Friday next. Sen
ate bills concuIred in For new great seal for
the better care Of chronic insane. Bills killed:
Increasing fines for violation Of license raising
license fees to range from S75 to $3.50.
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1881-08-14

LEO HARTMANN, the Russian refu-
gee nihilist who is now hiding IN
Canada to avoid being summoned to
his native country by the United
States, will hardly feel encouraged by
his reception in America, nor by the
enthusiasm which his presence ex-
cites. Since be reached our shores
he has seen scarcely a paper that has
not invited him to depart, or urged
the government to give him into the
hands Of the nation whose laws he
has disregarded and whose rulers he
has sought to Kill. The first move.
ment in his behalf was the meeting
in Boston, on Friday, when fifty men
and two females harangued them.
selves and adopted resolutions in ia
vor OF Hartmann. If Boston, with
its 365. 600 people, only contains fifty.
two persons in sympathy with king
killing, the outlook for the nihilist ia
certainly not very encouraging OF
American soil. Hartmann had bet
ter seek some other land where assas-
sination is regarded as more honor
able profession than it lie in this coun,
try. The American people are not
in the humor to applaud his style Of
devil;ry. They are just cow busy
taking care of their ABUNDANT
crops, developing their rich mines,
frightening their railroads and edu
eating their children; hence they
have 10 time o. inclination to fawu
upon q foreigner whose neck richly
deserves the halter. Besides, THEN
own President is lying at deaths door,
where he was cast by the bullet o.
an assassin. who is neither better MOI
worse than Hartmann and his sssoci
Rtes. The Boston meeting ia but an
Indication of the popular feeling in
America in regard to the foreign ele.
ment which Hartmann represents.
q remarkably small percentage Of
the people of this country have any
sympathy with it, and the few are
the bummers and ruf6aus of the
cities
The Salt Lake herald. [volume] (Salt Lake City [Utah]) 1870-1909, 1881-08-14

The PRESIDENT ia again undoubt.
odly in q critical condition. He was
postless on Friday night. had a high
5sver; and bis pulse reached a point
higher than il has been with the
exception Of on two occasions, being
The two days succeeding the wound.
The doctors say there ia no cause for
alarm; that the fever was expected
and Is no higher than they antici-
Daeed; they attribute it chiefly to
same oversight or negligence in clean
ing the wound by which little pus
was permitted to remain overnight.
All OF this may be correct, but the
anrgenns' and attendants talk has
ehe sound OF Whissling TO keep up
courage. DR.. Agnew hss been sent
fOr, which people will interpret into
naeAning that the condition of the
patient is again extremely serious.
The later dispatches are rather more
assuring, but they are not of char
acter to inspire perfect confidence.
local doctors are of the opinion from
9he reports that matters are not at all
Eight at the White House. We hops
ahat the next issue Of the HERALD
wiz contain news of the marked i'm
DroVement of the President, and that
thereafter the reports will all show
no doubt as to his steady progress
towards oomplets cUnvalescencs.