The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1881-07-26
LA CREME DES CHRONIQUEs.
What tho Alleged Wits of Paris
Find to Say In their Newspapers.
Sunday World.

L
Sunday World. @
DeGnition:
"Pen-Small steel arrow poisoned
with ink"
Singularly pleonastic phrase:
ITO applaud with both hands,"
Suppose a delighted auditor with one
arm should attempt to clap his solitary
hand together2
ais your estate large p asked friend
of the Marquis Ealino- Partington, who
never wearies o of7boasting of bis terrific
rial acttnsfsf6At ~. s.....,.,, q, .........ls {
"Is it large 2 Yesterday I showed d
couple of friends. round it, and it took
two hours good fast walking, and there
were three of US, tool"
-
In the Police Court:
Woman complains that her husband
frequently lifts his hand against her not
in the way Of kindness.
The Magistrate-Well, my good wo-
man, what pretext did he take to beat
you SOP
The Witness-The frst pretext that
the could lay his hands, sir; the poker,
or the pot-lifter, or bis boot, but priuci-
pally his cane, Your Honor.
-
The manager of large commercial
establishment arrives at the deplorable
but ihcontestable conviction that he is
being robbed by one of his most trusted
salesmen.
Unwilling to provoke more scandal
than is necessary, he writes brief note
-"I know all !; come to my private Of
fee tomorrow morning'-and inadyert-
emily addressed it to his cashier, not to
the delinquent.
Three-quarters of an hour later he re-
ceived bulky letter from the cashier, as
follows:
Enclosed are 60. 900 francs. The to-
tal amount of nv embezzlement is only
$4,000 francs. The balance will raise
within the week. For heavens sake do
not expose me. and ruin my innocent
family"
Our simple and honest peasants.
A witness in murder case comes to
the public prosecutor to ask If he can
not avoid giving his testimony.
"What reason have your"
"Well, you see, I'm his neighhor."
"Ah, perceive--and you naturally
fear you're prejudiced in his favor"
"Naw! But there's an elb Nv in his
field that juts into my property mat
ter of some eight yards by six-and if
he was guillotined people might think ]
got it done to round up my tarmr
~
An extensive manufacturer OF porce-
lain, covetous of distinction, applies to
the Government for the Cross OF the
Legion of Honor.
.But, my dear fellow" says the pow
erful politician whose aid be had invok
ed, "what titles can adduce for decora
ting YOU p
"Oh, get me nominated on the ground
of exceptional services >"
"But what services 2"
"My dinner and tea services, of
course!"
/ 1t has long been the fashion OF certain
romance writer's instead OF writing, "Hel
said, with yawn," and "She answered,
blushiug." &C., "sO,' he yawned," or
"sIndeed,' she blushed,' and so on.
The ellipsis, however. never vas push
ed so fac as it was in recent sensational
novel, as follows: m
"Step by step Andrew had forced his
enemy back to the verge of the abyss.
"Hugh felt the ground crumbling be-
meath his feet, anu resolved to balk his
foeman of part OF his vengeance. by pre-
cipitating himself into the chasm.
"sMy curse upon YOU leaped he."
Z as *s* ~
Baron Wha,'sbisname, besides his
long pedigree, has pair Of feet whicb
no Chicago newspaper in It's most viru-
lent mood ever attributed to st. Lou
isan belle. fsa
So gigantic are they that be is asham-
ed to 90 to hootmaker, and imagines
the ingenious device OF seeking out
valet with understandings as phenome-
nal aud sending him to be measured,
bidding him tell the artist that his mas
ter had thought it.would be an aristo-|
cratic idea to have his household shod
as elegantly as himself.
Presently the boo,maker brings in his
bill, and is ushersd into the Baron's
presence, where the great man sits be-
hind his desk. The Baron writes a
check which ths traiesman receives
thankfully. s. is
"But say, Your Excellency," he says
as he is Withdrawing, "that valet Of
yours has got q foot like the foot of a
mountain. I've been in the business,
boy and mars flfty-seven years, aud half
of my time was employed in the coun-
try, but l will be hanged if ever saw
such confoundedly plebeian foot as
your valet has y
The Marquis de Calinault has returned
from Paris, bringing number of we'll
selected gifts for his family and friends.
"And here, my DEAR" he says to his
wife, who dotes upon the capital and can
scarcely reconcile herself to provin-
cial existence, sis little present for you
IA watch that keeps Paris time. ! stop
ped it myself at gunire at noon, and
there you have Paris time to second
the hands haven't moved hairs breadth
from II"
~.
Above all, no zeal.
A collector enters an old curiosity
shop and inquiries the price Of set OF
old Dresden.
"rwelve thousand francs, sir. Genu-I
inc, and you will see how carefully 1t has
been repaired, so carefully as to add to
its value. Besides, sir, it is historical
relic. That, sir, is the very Identical
service Of porcelain which Napoleon
dashed to the ground during the prelim
inaries of Leoben"
"We-ell, don't much like broken"
The merchant, eagerly-Then, step
this way, sir! Here is the same service
in an unbroken form, for the same price.
So
The play is "Qneen Elizabeth" and it
is interminably long and indescribably