The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1881-07-08
VARIETIES.

1t is n strange fact that when people in.
dulge in high words they use low language
Why cannot a Temperance man kiss a
| .Icwcsss lie has sworn not to taste leW-llpS
--"That puts different face on it, )" said the
swindlcr when he raised check from $50 to
5000.
Why is pig the most provident of ami
mails? Because he always carries spare-rib
OF two about him.
| "A vast deal of money has been made by
| speculation of late, and great deal more has
been made by the same word without the 5.
is there much water in the cistern, Bid
| dy?" inquired II gentleman of his lrish SER
want. ITS full ut the bottom, sir, but there S
none at the top
There is no disgrace in being poor" we
are told, and we're bowling glad of it, for
there are enough other disadvantages about
| it, without that one.
Aunt Matilda-"And do you study Geog,
| raphy, JANET" Janet-"Geography |
should think so, indeed" Aunt Matilda
where's Niagara Falls ~ ,Janet-"Niagara
Falls Oh, we haven't got far as hdt.-
We've only got rs far as -1sia.
When boy secs big hornets nest de-
pending from the branch of n tree, he is not
satisfied that it is loaded until he hits it with
Il stone. He would rather heave rock at it
than to have five dollars. In a few seconds
he would rather five dollars that he hadn't
hcaved the rock
-Squircs Daughter "What is this we
hear about your father and mother quarrel
ling so, Peggy? They've each had little
money left EN-, miss, and | think feyther he
wants the lot Anyways they can't agree
pnbnw yhpthpr her money c hiS'O hic
hern, or his'n and hers hern"
Law Professor: "What constitutes bur-
glary?' Student: "There must be a break
ing" Professor "Thcn, if n man enters
your door and takes five dollars from your
vest pocket in the hall, would that be bur-
glaryy Student; "Ies, sir, because that
would break me-"
The poor Irishman may have nothing TO
eat, but he can't help showing humor. As 4
funeral passed the corner one said to his fell
low: swell, Pat, there's another man taking
his afternoon ride" Pat pulled his hat over
his eyes, and replied: "True for you, but
nobody begrudges him of his good luck"
A great many curious and funny stories
are told ofgood Mather Byles, who coudnot
reprcSs his cOmicalitcS, and who was joCOsc
nspite ofhis Puritanism. One cold winter
day he was mailing list on his door. A parish
Toner said, doctor, don't you know that the
wind blowcth where ii listeth ~ "Ics" was
the quick reply, land know also that every
man Of common sense lstcth whercsoever
the wind bloweth'
Sam Johnsing was up before the Justice
the other day. The Justice told him that
telling the whole truth about the matter
would be regarded as mitigating circum-
stance, Sam said he would tell the trooth.
"Well, then, how many chickens did you
steal;" "Only five, Jedge." "Are you sure,
Sam, that you didn't have more?" "Yes,
sah; | know dar was only five, because |
counted 'em. Oar was three layin hens, four
ROSTERS and two pullets."
Speaking of wags what is more waggish
than Il dogs tail when he is pleased?
Speaking of tails we always like those
that end well-IIoggs for instance.
Speaking of hogs we saw one of those
animals the other day in the gutter and in
the opposite one n well dressed man; and
the first one had ring in his nose, and the
latter had Il ring on his finger
"a hog is known by the company he
keeps" thought we, and so thought Mr..
Porker too, for off he went
Speaking of going off: we once owned II
gun that went off 1t went off one night,
and we haven't seen it since.
Speaking of guns reminds us Of POWDER
Wesaw Il lady yesterday with her face full
of powder.
Speaking ofpowdcr makes us feel unhappy;
for we once knew woman that used so
much that she blew her husbandu up.