The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-02-17
PLEASANT PARAGRAPHS.

BOILER explosions are becoming SO
numerous that vaccination appears neces-
sary to keep them from breaking out.
philadelphia Chronicle Herald.
A CHICAGO restaurant keeper adver-
tises "roast turkey and cram berry saus, I"
and yet hungry man might go where
they spell better and fare worse.-Ne,O
Orleans Picayune.
"DosT love me? Tell me once again
My little pootsy tootsi"
"Do I? You bet your boots!"
THE Cleveland Herald has published
some verses entitled: "Why do sing ?"
and written by a young woman. It is
probably because her father paid five
hundred dollars to music teacher for
spoaing good stocking darner.
Az an undertakers' conference in New
YORK recently, one undertaken complained
that the sections were getting 'sall the
cream of our business" What for Heav-
ems sake, is "the cream" of the under
takers business? ye.s ~ c
TX olden times when people heard
Some swindler huge had come to grief
They used a good old Saxon word
And called that man thiefS
But Language such as that to-day
Upon too many feelings CRATES,
So people smiie and simply say,
-rc-hypcthecates.'
The man who jeurneyed long to spit
upon the grave of his enemy found that
the said enemy was drowned in lake
and his body not recovered There are
lots of things in this world to make a
man mad.-Detroit Free Press. ~
The Galveston NeDs says man in
hat fx-x xr1,< hoI ~ e.
ing that friend in Houston wanted to
buy mule, telegraphed to him: "Dear
Friend-If you are looking for a No. l
mule don't forget me-"
An exuberant youth halls a supposed
acquaintance with "Hel1o, Joe," but,
finding his mistake, adds: go, excuse
me; thought you were another man ~
Laconic stranger answers: 81 am. -
Buffalo Express. -. 80
No Adolphus, newspaper men do not
have duplicates OF the last straw that
broke the camels back. They are use
flu, as YOU say, but newspaper men are
SO accustomed to d-k-g the other
way, they don't care q straw about
them!
+. A MINISTER overlook Quaker lady
and politely assisted her in opening a
gate. AS she was compartive stranger
in town, he said: "You don't know,
perhaps, that am Mr.. - Haven't
you heard me preach?'' 'tI have heard
you try" was the quick rejoinder.
"As for me-" says Mime. D., whose
husband is a member of the Assembly,
81 always do my shopping when the
Senate is discussing the appropriation
bills. Then, you see, my husband is &C
customed to such large figures that my
bills look small to him. French paper.
THIS is the particular time of the year
when the citizen is attacked with q Sc
we're case of economy, and Immediately
cuts off his entire list Of newspapers.
There is one paper he does not relin-
quish, however. It is his paper of to-
bacco. Courier. 29t
The man who works in q factory, his
pay day comes once a month; but the
man who works at ditching has his spade
day oftener than hat.-Marathon indie
pendent. Hoe! Hoe! Fork conscience
sake shove long this pun, and don't har-
row up our feelings in this way. ZOO
(, A YANKEE tobacco chewer was in the
habit of declaring about once q month
that he would never chew another
piece" but broke his pledge as often as
he made it. On one occasion, shortly
after he had "broken off, he was seen
taking another chew, "Why," said his
friend, "you told me you had given up
that habit, but see you are at it again. -
!" Yes,' he replied, ST have gone to
chewing and left off lying. 80