The Portland daily press., 1881-01-27
Practical Jokes.

In the time of the elder Lorenzo de Medici,
says All the Year Round, there lived in Flor
ence one Neri Chiaramontesi, who was much
given to pl 'ying off his wit upon those who
dared not give vent to their resentment,
certain master Sheggia being his especial butt.
Chiaramontensi, Scheggia and his friends Mon
AGO and Pilucca met one day at the table of
Mario Tornaquinci, knight of the Golden Spur,
and over their wine the first named offered
Scheggia gold crown if he would besmear his
face and hands with ink, land going to the he
of La Pellegrina, present her with pair of
gloves, without speaking word. mo" an
swered Scheggia, "but will give you two
crowns if you will go in white amor, with
lance on your shoulder, to Ceccherino's shop
(the rendezvous of Florentine gallants) and
threaten to make mincemeat of everybody
you may find there. thinking to ease Scheg-
gia of money be could i'll spare, Neri accepted
the. challenge, donned suit of his hosts
armor. shouldered lance and departed upon
his graceless errand; unaware that Monaco
and Pilucca had left before him, one bound
for the MERGERS shop, the other for Crochet
to's fencing school, to spread the news that
Neri Chiaramontesi had gone mad, attempted
to kill his mother, thrown all his household
gods into well, and now clad in mail was
driving every one before him with his lance as
he made his way to Ceccherino's place, intent
upon giving that worthy a tremendous thrash
ing. As the conspirators hoped, there was
general stampede for the scene of action, and,
sure enough, Neri was there crying, "Ye are
all dead menu and laying about him right
and left.
Meanwhile Scheggia had run off to Portar-
ossa apprise Neri's uncle, Agnolo, that his
nephew was raving mad and doing sad mis-
chief. and entreat him to hasten TO Ceccheri-
nos aud secure the mailman: who if put in the
dark with nobody to speak to for two or three
days would come to his right mind again. The
unsuspcious wool-comber. calling half-a-doZ-
en- stout workmen, provided them with ropes,
and went in all haste to the mercer's shop,
where they found everything in confusion, and
Neri plying his lance in every direction, when
he thought he could increase the CONSERVATION
without actual damage. Agnolo, coming be-
twinkling Neri found himself ON the floor
bound hand and foot Despite his angry ex-
postulation, he was tied on litter, cloak
thrown over him and SO carried throu III the
crowded streets to Portarossa; when, thanks to
Monaco's thoughtfulnes, his weeping mother
waited his coming, ready to help in removing
her bapless son to the best room, to
be laid bound as he was, upon a bed,
and left to himself until morning
Alone in the dark Neri thought matters over,
paying off old scores, became nearly mad in
reality with rage and vexation Growing
hungry he shouted Justify for his mother to
bring him meat and drink, but deaf ear was
turned to his frantic appeals. When, next
morning, Aguola entered the room with two
physicians, Neri was as gentle as lamb from
sheer exhaustion, and instead of uttering
reproaches, quietly told his visitors of the wa
ger he had made, and asked them to send to
the house OF Torniquinci' where they would
find the two crowns, held by the knight as
stakeholder. Agnolo acted accordingly, and
finding his nephew's tale true, and that Scheg-
gia and his friends had celebrated the success
OF their joke with a good supper. relieved poor
his part in the affair. -
Napoleon the Great hearing that new trag-
edy by Lemercies had been vehemently damn
ed by the students, he ordered it to be played
again, with the same result: The nettled en-
peror thereupon commanded third perform
ance OF the obnoxious play and went to the
theatre with regiment of soldiers. The
first and second acts passed off in utter silence.
When the curtain rose on the third act, Ma
poleon, leaning over his box to see if the stud
ents would dare to show their displeasure in
his presence, beheld vast assemblage of
nj. ut capped heads, nodding apparently. in
slnmb>r., He left the tragedy to its fate.
A gent,,' man returning home from the Gill
change seats WIFI a lady who found riding in
side disagreed with her. AS he was making
his way to the inside beth, she babe him take
especial care of two bottles OF t.e Gilroy water,
which she was carrying to her husDa2d. As
it happened, the lady had contrived to make
herself very disagreeable to Neutrality-suspicious.
at the springs and the passenger she had GUST
ed from his seat determined to have his re-
venge. Opening each of the bottles, he pour
ed out half the contents, and filled them up
with whiskey. Before many days elapsed the
proprietors Of the Gilroy Springs received the
following elegant epistle, dated San Francisco.
August 30th, 1869: 'Sirs. You are pre-
cious lot Of scamps, you are! My wife paid a
visit to 20 COMPOUNDED place, and brought
back SOM spring water, drank about bot
tie of the miserable stuff, and went to the
Good Templars, and had not been in the hall
more than fifteen minutes before I was as
drunk as any man you ever saw; disgraced
myself and the lodge; and this morning am
on sick bed. My impression is that any set
Of men who will run an institution of this sort
ought to be soused into hot-water springs until
life was extinct"