davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-07
THE DAILY BULLETIN.
oyyrorAL PAPER OF CITY AND COUNTY
A Hot Joke.
Detroit Free Press.

Detroit Free Press.
A tailor on Fort street east got hold
of red-hot idea the other day. lie
heated up his goose TO the blistering
point, and placed il on q bench at his
door with sign reading: "Only TWEEN
ty-fve cents. In minute along came
an ancient-looking colored man with an
eve out for bargains, and as he saw the
goose and read the sign he made up his
mind that he had struck it rich. lie
naturally reached out to heft his bar
gain, and that was where he gave him.
Self away. The tailor almost fell down
with his merriment, but it didn't last
over sixty seconds. At the end OF that
time the victim entered the shop and
began a sort of gymnastic performance
which did not end until the tailor was
a sadly mashed man and his shop in
the greatest confusion. The two were
fighting in front when an officer came
along and nabbed both, and both were
brought before his Honor together. -
The tailor appeared with a black eye,
and a finger tied up in red rag, and
the African had scratched nose and
was minus two front teeth.
"WellPr queried the court as tho
pair stood gazing at him. :. ,
"vhell, Tshall shpeak first" replied
the tailor, II likes to have a shoke
sometimes, und so | put dot goose oudt
dere. 1t Was all in funs, und l am
very sorry
81 couldn't see whar' de fun cum
in" said the other. "Dis yere ham am
all burned 10 blister, an l won't be
able to use it for two weeks"
"Did you put that hot goose out
there for joker queried the corr
s'Yaw-it vhas only a shok@'"
"And were you Joking when you en-.
tered the shop and nade things hum"
he asked of the other.
"No, boss, | wasn't I'm an ole
man, an not much giben to latin an
cuttin' up. When ! let go OF dat goose
| made up my mind to mash dat tailor
flatter dan billyard ball. 1t was my
first tout for forty Vars, but I'd got dc
bulge on him an was usin' him W
when de officer stepped in. No, boss
I wasn't iokin' bout dat time"
"Were you very tickled?" he querie(
of the tailor.
"Vhel, vas tickled until he pitcl
into me-"
'You were the only one who had an.
fun out of itP'
"Vhell, / 'spose So"
"Then you'll have to foot the bill
shall let him 60 and fine you 49,"
'Dot ish poorly highP"
"Yes, but it was rich joke, 20,
know"
"Maybe she vhas, but guess / lie
dot goose cool off now. Here is five
six, seven, eight dollars, und now
shall 90 home. ! bid you goot day."
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-07

RAvENNA, Mercer Co., Mo-, May, 1870.
We have used Fellows Syrup Of Hypo.
phosphites with gratifying results in our
practice, and recommend II to physicians
asa reliable preparation In ague and inter.
m,''ent fever. II is the best thing we know
OIL Signed, J.E, CALLAwAy, M. d.
JONI l.. GnlrLEY, NJ. d.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-07
The AutOplOne.

Is the cheapest, best, and most compre.
hensive automatic musical instrument ever
brought forth. 1t has 20 notes; @ more
than anyother musical Instrument plays in
3 keys; is simple in construction; II can b,
played by child--It is absolutely perfec
in its rendition of music, beating its owl
time, while all others require faster OF
slower motion.
Docs away with cranks and handles
being played by direct action of the bellows
1t plays any kind Of music. Both Auto
phone and music are cheaper by far thar
all others. Send for circular.
Liberal discount to canvassers.
Address, The AuTorHoNE Co.,
Ithaca, N. Y.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-07
An Unrivalled Hair Dressing

PRODUCING AS RICH AND CLEANLY APPEAR
ANcE AS If NATURE ALONE HAD IMPAIRED
IT.
BURNETT's COCAINE is the best and
cheapest Hair Dresslng-kills dandruf, al.
lays irritation, and promotes vigorous and
healthy growth of the hair. No other com
pound produces these results.
The superiority of BURNETT's FLAVOR
ING EXTRACTS consists in their perfect purity
and great strength. They ore warranted
free from the poisonous oils and acid
which enter into the composition of man.
Of the Fictitious fruit ilavors now in TIT
market.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-07
Thieying MONKEYS,

Few human thieves are more expert
than are monkeys in stealing. They
are adopts with their fingers and in the
use of the strategy which comes from
cunning and thorough knowledge Of
monkey nature. A traveller, while
passing through an African forest, saw
an amusing Illustration OF their thieving
ability:
He and his escort came across a num-
Der of large monkeys engaged in gath
ering fruit. Some had fruit not only in
both hands and under their arms, but
their cheek-pouches were also dstend-
ed with it. Among them was a gour-
mand, who while leaning against a
trunk crunching fruit, was also busy in
looking after that which he held under
his armpits. His attitude attracted the
attention of two OF his companions.
They gravely consulted together, and
then separated. each hiding his fruit
under roots. One, by walking side
ways, so as not 10 excite attention, APP
peared, as if by accident, in front of the
ge"-naandininS nivnhoy, THE accomplish
meanwhile hiding himself behind q
neighboring tree.
After while the gourmand's atten-
ton was attracted by the antics of the
monkey in front The antics became
insults, and at last the gourmand, los
ing his temper, threw down all the fruit
and rushed at the impudent offender.
Immediately the other monkey bounced
upon the fruit, and in moment hid it
in a hollow trunk. But not satisfied
with this exploit, he returned to where
his companion had hid his own fruit,
and was busily engaged in transferring
it to another place when he was caught
A fight then ensued, in which each adj
ministered sundly bites and scratches
Ia the other
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-07
"I'm all PLAYED Ont"

is common complaint. If you feel so,
get package Of Kidney Wort and take il
and you will at once feel its tonic power.
1t renews the healthy action of the kid
neys, bowels and liver, and thus restores
the natural life and strength to the weary
body. II can now be had In either dry or
liquid form, and In either way is always
prompt and efficient in action. New Bed
ford Standard
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-07
NEW ADVERTISEMENTS.
Washington, N, j.

Din HlVIXT's ORGANS, II stops set
DEAI Golden Tongue Reeds, only
SS5 Address Daniel H. Beatty,
Washington, N. j.
The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-07

A OVER Users send for our Select LET Of Local
ANewspapers, GP. Rowell Il Colo Spruce st NY
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13
JOHN KELLY TRADING WITH RE
PUBLICANS.

The New York Herald of the 7th pub
lished an interview with that dis
tinguished Republican manager, Col.
George Bliss, from which we copy the
following extract:
"'DO you rely at al! for Republican
success this year on the divisions in the
Democratic ranksT
"'NO. The Republican vote has been
increased at times by deals with the
Democrats, but this year do not antici-
pate that there will be any division in
the e part party; sav there have ,aan deals with
tho Democrats heretofore by which the
Republican vote has been increasedp
"'Yes; that is just what l say.
should know something on this topic,
because made one of the deals myself.
That was some few years ago, however,
"With whom was the deal madep
with the Tammany Boss himself;
that is, with the Tammany Hall DemOc-
racy.',
deal, il may ask
"'It was the yeaf that Cornell was
running for Governor. The Tammany
Boss of course did not care anything for
Robinson or the rest of the State ticket,
and we both agreed, to trade votes
iIf this city. He was to give
5000 votes to Hamilton Ward and James
w. Wadsworth, and we were to deliver
1900 votes TO Gumbleton, the nominee
of Tammany for local Office, County
Clerk, / think. This deal, however, was
Of kind where the Republicans OBJ
tanned what they wanted and Tammany
did not. We tried to deliver the votes
to GumbletCn, but we couldn't possibly
do it,
" This is strange confession to make,
Col. Bliss ,ss.5.
mot at all. 1 have no hesitation
whatever in saying that 1 believe the
Republicans should do everything in
their power to keep alive the diSsensiOns
in the Democratic ranks. They should
always help the under dog in fight,
and that is what has been done.'"
There is no doubt of the truth of this
statement. This statement perfectly
agrees with the notorious circumstances
of the case. That John Kelly has traded
with the. Republicans was already
known; all that is new is the precise
number of Democratic votes that he
agreed to deliver to the Republicans at
the election referred to by Col. Bliss.
1t seems Mr.. Kelly was cheated, and
that, while he delivered the three thous-
and Democratic votes for Ward and
Wadsworth, he failed to receive the
three thousand Republican votes that
he had bargained for to be given to
Gumt Teton.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13

THE Ohio Republicans, and particu-
larly that section of the party which is
headed by Messrs. Foster and Hayes,
have been conspicuOusly vehement in
their demonstrations of grief over the
shooting and death of President Gar
field, and the Cincinnati papers, like the
Commercial and Gazette, have borne the
most convincing and double loaded tes-
timOny to the profound feeling that has
prevailed in the Buckeye State ever
since the tragedy of July 2. We are
consequently surprised to learn that
Cincinnati has subscribed nothing to
the fund for Mrs. Garfield" and that
decorative generosity is apparently as
much out of the Ohio Republican line
as practical philanthropy. 1t is often
difficult to raise a fund for great
mans family, out it rarely happens
that there is any trouble about get
ting up a mOnument-Or at least
monument associatiOn-to his memory.
But the Cincinnati fund is lamentably
small. Mr.. Foster is reported to be a
millionaire, and Mr.. Hayes has saved
about $4,000 of Mr.. Tilden's salary as
President, to say nothing of his Inherit
ance from his uncle Birchard, which, if
we remember rightly, didn't cost him a
cent for income tax. How great is our
surprise on discovering that both Mr..
Foster and Mr.. Hayes have initiated the
example of Victor Hugo, who, whenever
he is applied to in behalf of charita-
BILE object contributes tear or a sigh,
and ubscribes-himself well-wisher.
The feeling among the Ohio Republic
cans is doubtless very profound, but
they have not yet got to the depth of
feeling in their pockets. This is dis
graceful-and characteristic.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13

ONE more Of Hayes's extraordinary
crowd of foreign Ministers has been in
trouble. According tO,a BogOtO news
paper, Ell ConserVadOr, the Government
of Columbia was so disguised with Mr..
Diechman as to ask his recall Con-
ceiving himself to be wrOnged by the
Columbian acting Secretary, Becerra,
who had asked his recall, he repaired to
the Secretary's Office, and, according to
81 COnservadOr, abused him rOundly,
called him viper. and said that he (Mr.
Diechman) was at Mr.. Becerra's service.
The latter hastily interpOsed that he did
not wish Mr.. Diechman to be at his SER
vice Gin any sense" and tried to get
him out. Mr.. Diechman again, how
ever, attacked Mr.. Beeerra for his snaky
conduct, and willing to give him anoth-
er chance, again said that he was at Mr..
Becerra,s orders. Finding this of no
avail. Mr.. Diechman said, II am tired Of
dealing with such set of -----." !"
Precisely what sort of a set Mr.. Diech-
man was tired of may never be officially
known, since Ell Conservador cOnserva-
lively suppresses the description under
dashes. But it is clear that he was
as tired of the Government to which he
had been accredited as that Government
was tired of him. 1t is clear enough
that Mr.. Hayes blundered in his selec-
of Columbia as post for Mr.. Diechman
in the present delicate relations of the
two Republics.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13
MIR. MURAT HALsTEAD'S REPORT on
THE POLITICAL SITUATION, WRIT
TEN AFTER CONFERENCE
WITH PRESIDENT
ARTHUR,

Mr.. Murat Halsr0@d, editor of the Gin
cinnati Commercial, recently had sew
eral interviews with President Arthur.
HIS has written long afticle, Nentitled
administrator Notes." for his paper
and processes to speak by authority. The
following are extracts from these notes:
1T has been aptly said with reference
to the public opinion which requires of
President Arthur that he should keep
the Cabinet of President Garfield, that
that is something more than Garfield
himself could have done. Not to dwell
upon details, there was collision be-
tween MacYeagh and Blaine over the
Chandler nomination that threatened
the disruption of the Cabinet, At
tOrney-General MacVeagh being per-
emptOry that he would resign If
Chandler should be confirmed and COM
missiOned, and afterwards COnkling in
sisted that the Postmaster General
should make the same issue with re-
spect to Judge RObertson's appointment
to be Collector. MacVeagh has a great
and disturbing principle that applies
to the present situation. it is that the
responsibility for the new Administra-
tiOn should be made to cOlspicuOusly
rest upon the persons to whom it actu-
ally belongs, and tha@ the Garfield Cab
met should not have any more cOnsid-
Grafton than any other equal number
of American citizens. He has insisted
that the Cabinet designations should be
made matters of fact and not of form,
taat President Arthur should be dis
embarrassed-shOu not attempt to
wear President Garfield's old clothes,
and that, ON the other hand, no Cabinet
officer should be asked to stay few
weeks or months to make things pleas
ant until there could be changes with
out rasping the public sensitiveness. 1t
is understood that the Attorney Gen
eral is the only member of the Cabinet
who is aggressive in his purpose of get
ting out, and those who are displeased
with his attitude are fond of saying
that it is his purpose to make ID impOs-
sibIe for Mr.. Blaine to remain Secreta-
ry of State"
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13

The election to-day is actively con-
tested. Both sides have their earnest
workers on duty. Every citizen should.
vote on election day. 1t is duty to his
State and country as well as to himself.
In Canton there will be few who will
fail in this duty. We judge there is
considerable cross firing; but we will
know better tomorrow as to the extent
of it. We hope for Democratic victO-
ry, but realize the great doubt involved
in all such sublunary things. However,
we are not without hope, and have good
grounds for the faith within us.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13

A GOOD many copies of the Stark
County DEMOCRAT go into the hands Of
the Irish citizens of Alliance. Well
treat to the cigars, any Irishman, who
will furnish a copy of the DEMOCRAT up
to to-day, containing denial that he
bOasted that they "cOuld elect Altekrnse
without the aid of the d-d Irish."--
[Allianee Review OF the nth; Election
day. ''''' -4a-.-a4 70 @'a
1t is now after the election, and we
take pleasure in characterizing this
silly falsehood of the Review, as yarn
worthy only of black-guard of low
conceptions. The Massillon Independ-
ent and Repository had no better sense
than to snap at it and harp over it, and
no doubt thought it would prove a
mares nest. But it did not. No citizen
of Irish birth was silly enough to be-
lieve it. They knew the Know-NOthing
source from which it emanated.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13
THE U. 5. SENATE ORGANIZED.

The United States Senate on Monday
was organized without trouble, by the
election as President, of Senator Bay
ard, of Delaware. Senator Davis, of
Illinois. did not vote, and the resolution
passed by vote of "a to 80. The Re-
publican motion to amend by substitute
ing the name of Senator Anthony, was
tabled by the same vote. Malone voted
with the Republicans.
This cause of action is in accordance
with the practice ofthe Senate. The law
is mandatory that the Senate must elect
their President before the new Sena-
tors can be sworn in. This gave the
Democrats the advantage which they
improved, and hence elected Bayard.
This advantage was given them by the
action of Republicans themselves.
Last spring, the new Senate became
tie by the purchase of Malone; and
the casting vote of Vice President Ar
thur gave his party the control and
hence they organized the committees.
Some Republicans claimed that, by
courtesy, the Presidency of the Senate
belonged to them. They did not ex-
hibit courtesy last spring in organizing
the committees and in trying to change
the officers of the Senate. i... 4..
The election of Senator Bayard is
quite satisfactory to the country. OF
course he would be successor to Arthur
should anything befall him. Mr..
Bayard's position will have wholesome
influence on the Republicans, one and
all. President Arthur will be fairly
treated. .F. ......., .,,...
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13

A RIVAL to the Standard Oil Company
of Pennsylvania is said to be growing
up in California, where vast quantities
of undevelOped petroleum exist. The
waters of Santa Barbara channel are
covered for miles with crude oil that is
seeping away, and the hOllOws in the
mountain sides are filling with asphal-
tum, produced by the seepage. A few
capitalists are reported to be buying up
all this oil territory, so as to obtain a
monopoly of the production on the Pa
cific coast, and to their efforts must be
ascribed- the lack of full information on
the subject. 49,
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13

THE New York Sun remarks that "the
Republicans disgraced themselves by
setting up Gorham and Riddleberger for
the Senate offices, and they are now en-
jOying the credit of the Star Route
swindles and Virginia reputation as a
part of their stock in trade" The
spectacle is set before the country of
the Democratic party battling in the
Old Dominion against the tide of dis
honor which threatens to overwhelm
the State. Federal Offiee-holders in that
State have been assessed 2 per cent. on
their salaries as a contribution in the
cause of Malone reputation.
In Minnesota too, we see the Demo-
cratic party opposing reputation, and
the Republican maintaining it; and re-
fusing still to pay the State debt they
,repudiated years ago. SO we go. 3I
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13

IT seems that rumOrs of Cabinet
changes are rife at Washington, and
there is probability there will soon be
a clearance of a cargo of big wigs from
the ship of state. Frelinghuysen is
said to be booked for Blaine's place,
FOlger for the Treasury, Rice of Massa-
chusetts for the Navy, Howe of WiscOn-
sin for the Interior, "effgy'' Sergeant
of California for the Navy, and Ben
Brewster of Philadelphia for Attorney
General. Lincoln is to stay in, the sole
relic of Garfield's Cabinet and sorry
one at that; but then he was an orig
inal Third-termer and did brave work
for Grant in Illinois. 81"
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13

The news from Washington is that
President Arthur intends to prosecute
the Star Route frauds with Vigor; nor
does he intend to cover up frauds in
other departments. The Treasury under
John Sherman has been, just as rotten
as the postOffice department, and there
were fewer beneficiaries. The smoking
out process will begin when Congress
meets in regular session. 1t will serve
to show how Presidential literary
bureaus are managed and maintained
1t will make discreditable exhibition,
but a purifying one, it is to be hoped,
and may demonstrate the force and
truth of the adage that ''time at last
sets all things even."
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13

The New York Sun in stating that the
Half-breed faction are now in full con-
troll of the Republican organization in
New York, invites attention to what it
calls "these unquestiOnable facts::"
Whenever during the past ten years,
the Half Breeds have controlled the
State Convention and the State Com
mittee, and conducted the canvass, the
Republican party has been beaten in
every State election. n r
On the other hand, whenever the Re-
publicans have carried the State cleo
tiOn, it has been when the Stalwarts
controlled the State Convention and the
State Committee, and when they went
into the canvass with energy and en-
tthusiasm. ---.-
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13
THE PROSPECTS IN THE STATE OF
NEW YORK. .af

The opinion is general in New York
among the politicians, that the Stall
warts allowed the Half-breeds to have
their own sweet will at the late Con-
yention, for no other purposes than to
help bury the ticket nominated under a
tremendous majority next month.
There was tone of settled sadness and
gloom in the Convention, even among
the victorious Half-breeds, which the
World explains:
The Stalwarts have staked their pO-
litical existence upon the defeat of the
Republican party in New York this year.
If, after the Half-breeds had organized
and controlled the Convention with
out the least opposition, they should
succeed in electing the ticket, they
would then be in a position to work
their will upon the Stalwart politicians.
Even the President, if he has any desire
for quiet life, would in that case hesi-
tate to use the Federal patronage to
prosecute faction which has shown
that it could carry his own State against
his own faction, in addition to the Demo-
cratic party. By carrying the State this
fall the Half-breeds would show that the
StaIwarts are too insignificant to be ta-
ken into account in this State, and
would establish the most incOntestable
claims" to be recognized not as fac
ton of the party, but as the party. The
victory of the Half-breeds in the Con-
ventiOn simply binds the Stalwarts to
beat the Republican ticket in the cleo
tiOn.
1t may be added that this sort of knit
ing under the fifth rib has been tried in
New York on several occasions.
Hugh Hastings Commercial Advertis-
er, which is the organ of the Stalwarts,
lets out warning and a threat:
The party has fallen into the control
of such men as Miller Woodin, Sessions
s. Co. as the new engineers of the ma
chine. Their purpose is revenge and
insult; they propose to apply punish
ment right and left to humiliate every
one they can. The spiteful policy in
augurated by the nomination of Robert
son is to be continued. 1t is not har-
mOny that these gentlemen are after,
but getting even." Let the friends of
Mr.. COnkling, however, accept the poll
cy of ex-senator POmerOy. Whoever
has got the Convention is responsible
for its action, for the ticket that is NOM
mated and for the election of that tick
ct. Let every Republican write this
down and lay it away for reference af-
ter the election. The responsibility for
whatever may occur is with WOOdin,
Sessions, Robertson s. Co.
The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-10-13
RUSSIAN DEsPOTIsAI

Is something Americans know cOmpari-
lively little about. Lately three Bish-
ops were released from prison after be-
ing incarcerated twenty-five years. They
were of the cold Believers Sect" and
were locked up in the Monastery Of Sus-
dal in 1856. When the prison keys
turned on them Nicholas was Czar. His
son, Alexander II. succeeded and ruled,
and died by the hand of an assassin.
The present Czar set them at liberty af-
ter an imprisonment of quarter of a
century. Great changes have taken
place during that time, both in the Old
and New World. Progress and change
in remarkable degree have transpired.