davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-09-21
How to Catch a Polar Bear.


From an Exchange
81 do so pity those men on the
Rodgers" remarked Mrs. Max, pass.
ing the Major the honey, which he al
ways insisted upon having with his
rice cakes.
eyes, indeed" replied the Major,
who was trifie cynical that morn
ing, having burned his mouth with
coffee. Eyes, indeed, my dear the
life of an Attic explorer must be hard.
They are SO isolated from the world.
Just imagine, il you can, the horror
of living for three years out of the
dust and winds and togs and rains of
our glorious climate vi not meeting
all that time the man at your club
who thinks the oflener story is told
the bt tier 1t is; of being without the
consolation afforded you by the BUST
ed stock operator who knows you are
glad of the opportunity to lend him
twenty; of being where millinery
and Japanese decoration stores do
not daily entrap ones wife; of be-
ing"
"Why, Major, how you do talk F!
was only thinking OF the horrid
things the Rodgers crew will have
e to do to eat their bear steaks"
"How's that" asked the Major,
instantly interested over the subject
of steaks, which he holds OF much
greater importance than the Irish
land troubles.
"What know about it," resumed
Mrs. Max, Il read in fashion paper,
and it ought TO be true"
at certainly ought to be, Mrs.
Max, if only on account of its old
age"
"Well the article said" continued
Mrs. Max, pretending to ignore the
Majors slur on her iavorite reading
'the Attic explorers, when they
want TO kill a polar bear, plant big
knife i'll the ice with the blade stick.
ing up. They daub the blade with
blood, and the bear comes along and
hicks it and cuts his tongue. 1t is sc
cold that he don't feel the cut, bu,
tasting his own blood, continues tC
lick the knife until bis tongue is al
trayed, and he bleeds TO death. ISM
it dreadful ?"
"Quiet your fears, my dear" sale
the Major, when his wife had finished
That is the way they killed bear
when that story Was first published
but in the last twenty years an i'm
provement has been made, which
will tell you about if you will kindl,
give me just drop more of coffee
with cold milk this time. The way
the thing is done is as follows
When Captain Berry, OF the Rodgers
wants a polar bear for dinner, HI
gives a midshipman a copper bee
spring and chunk Of salt pork. The
midshipman congresses the spring
perfectly flat, wraps the pork around
it tight, and holds it so until it freezes
solid. Then the frozen pork stuffed
with the bed spring, is thrown out TO
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-09-21
A Doctor of Laws.

From Pecks Sun.
A doctor of Ashland is also jus
tice of the peace, and when he is
called TO visit house he don't know
whether he is to physic or marry.
Several times he has been called out
in the country, and he supposed some
one must be awful sick, and ne took
a cart load of medicines, only to
find that somebody wanted marry
ing. He has been fooled so much
that when he is called out now he
carries pill bag and copy OF the
statutes, and tells them TO take their
choice. He was called to one house
and found girl who seemed fever
ish. She was sitting up in a chair,
dressed nicely, but he saw at once
that the fatal flush was on her cheek,
and her eyes looked peculiar. He
telt OF her pulse a9lh it was beating
at the rate OF two R1ndred minute.
He asked her to runSout her tongue,
and she run out eight or nine inches
of the lower end OFF,. 1t was COW
cred with blacks Coating and he
shook his head ABLY. She had
never been married any before, and
supposed that it was necessary for
justice who wasN;Eug to marry
couple to know about their
physical condition, SO she kept quiet
aud answered questions. She did not
tell him that she.sd been eating
huckleberrY pie, 50 he laid the coat
ing on her tongue toseme disease that
was underminingGowr constitution.
He put his ear on her chest and lis
tened to thu beating of her heart,
and shook his head again. He
asked her if she had been exposed to
any contagious disease She didn't
know what contagious disease was,
but on the hypothesis that he had
reference to sparkling, she blushed
ana said she had, but only two even.
ings, because John had only Just
got back from the woods where he
had been chopping, and she had to
set up with him. The doctor got
out his pill bags and made some
quinine powders and gave her some
medicine in two tumblers TO be taken
alternately, and told her to soak her
feet and go to bed, and put hot
mustard poultice on her chest and
some onions around her neck. She
got mad and flared right up and said
she wasn't very well posted, and lived
in the country, but it she knew her
own heart she would not play such
a trick as that on a new husband
The doctor got mad and asked her if
she thought he didn't understand his
business, and he was about to go and
let her die, when the bridegroom
came in and told him TO 60 ahead
with the marrying. The doctor said
that altered the case. He said next
time he came he should know what
to bring, and then she blushed, and
told him ne was ali old fool, anyway !;
but he pronounced them man and
wife, and said the prescription would
be five dollars, the same as though
there had been somebody sick. But
the doctor had cheek. Just as he
was leaving he asked the bride
groom IT ne didu't want 10 ride up to
Ashland with him, it was only eight
cen miles, aud the ride would be
lonesome; Uat tine bride said not if
the court knew herself, and the
bridegroom said now that he was
there he guessed he would stay. He
said he didn't care much about going
to Ashland, anyway.
Exhausted and enfeebled constitu-
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-09-21
BeautfferS.

Ladies, you cannot make fair skin,
rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes with ali
the cosmetics of France, or beautifiers
of the world, while in poor health, and
nothing will give you such good health,
strength, bouyant spirits and beauty as
Hop Bitters. A trial is certain proof
telegraph.
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-09-21
4 Particular Man.

! n 4 oil UkCtllttI hNA'
From the Brooklyn Eagle.
"How much will this cost in your
paper ?" asked a quiet looking man,
as he handed in the following adver-
tisement at the Eagle counting-room
yesterday:
"Smith-Busted a trace, in this
city, Friday, just after dinner, Mary
Smith, wife of the undersigned, and
daughter OF old Sam Pratt, the lead
ing blacksmith of Denver, Colorado.
The corpse was highly respected by
the high>tonedest families, but death
got the drop on her, and she took
up the bucket with perfect confidence
that she would have square show
the other side OF the Divide. The
plan transpires this afternoon at her
boarding house on Willow street.
Come one, come all.
dearest NIFTY, InOu nilSC le1U US,
For you on earth there wasn't room
But tits heaven that bereft us
And snatched our darling up the f1ume."
Denver papers please copy and
send bill or draw at sight.
"By her late husband, P. Smith"
81 don't believe you want it in
just that way, do you?" asked the
clerk rubbing his chin obviously.
"Why not, stranger?" asked the
quiet man.
at dou't read quite right, does it?"
asked the clerk.
"Was you acquainted with the
corpse, stranger demanded the
quiet man.
"Was you aware of the lamented
while she was bustling around in SO
ciety down at that boarding house p
81 don't know that / ever met her
responded the clerk.
$50 I reckoned, Judge. You
wasn't up to the deceased, when she
was in the living business. Now
Judge, the deceased wrote tha
Grafton herself afore she died, and
want it in. Do you hook on part
ner ?"
"But ii isn't our style of notice,
objected the clerk.
"Nor mine, either" acquiesced tn
quiet man. II was for having :
picture of her and a lot more talk blu
she said that she wanted it quiet ant
modest, so she whooped that up. Say
stranger, is it going into your valu
able space without any difficulty ?''
II don't know" said the clerk dole
fully.
81 know, partner. This celebra'
ton comes off tomorrow afternoon
and that's going in, in the morning
if it goes in out of cannon. go
grief enough on my brains nov
stranger, without erecting a tort oil
the sidewalk, but it you want war,
got the implements right in the bacl
part OF these mourning clothes
What dye think, judge?"
"Does it make any difference where
it goes" asked the clerk,
II want it in the paper" said thu
mourner," and it's going in if it take
pile driver. Think you twig my
racket, stranger?'
"All right" replied the clerk. 'l'l
put 1t in the Salad among the othe
mournful remarks. Four dollars
please"
"That's business" and the quie'
man paid the money. III you aim
busy come around tomorrow. Pm
going TO give the old woman senC
off, and if that gOspeller don't worl
pretty good programme before hi
gets to the doxology, his folks vii
4. lxI |.
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-09-21
LEGAL ADVERTISER ENTs,
EXECUTORS NOTICE

NOTICE is hereby given that after six
~ months publication of this notice we will
present our vouchers and final accounts as Ex-
ecutors of the estate of the late j. j. Jones, de-
ceased, to the County Judge of the County of
Volusia, and apply to be discharged from our
duties as Executors of said estate.
WIN. JONES,
ROBERT JONES,
Executors.
Spring Garden. June IA, 1881.
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-09-21
A Professional HumOrist Calls.

A PROFESSIONAL HumOflSC CallS,
From an ErchGnge.
He was shabby little man, with
his right eye out of gear, and pleas
ant look on his face. after glanc'
ing nervously around the Office for g
while, he walked up to the editor
and said;
"a pleasant morning this"
The editor looked up and replied
eyes, rather; what can 1 do for
you?"
"Do you accept original contribu>
tons ?"
eyes, sometimes"
"Would you like few emana-
tions from an intellect fairly satu>
rated with humor ?"
provided they are worth pub
fishing"
swell, sir. these l have here" and
he dived into his inner coat pocket
and brought forth bundle tied with
blue string, ARE articles written
by myself. They actually TEEN with
everything ridiculous. and the points
of wit bristle like a spiked fence"
Suppose you read one of your
BEST" said the editor as he tilted
back his chair and lit a cigar.
Certainly" replied the writer.
"I'll read this one because the fun
crops out in every sentence. 1t is
called
1.-THE UNFORTUNATE TEUTON.
"Not long since a red headed
Dutchman, with a blue shirt on,
while walking down the levee, think
ing how difficult it was to support
wife and fifteen children, accidentally
stumbled and fell through hole,
smashing in three ribs and tearing off
his left ear. He"
Goodness, gracious, man P' inter-
rupted the editor, glaring at him,
do yo call that fun?"
"Certainiy / do. The humor is
little obscure, but, sir, there is
plenty of it in the occurrence"
You're mistaken, sir; that is as
bare of fun as a prayer meeting.
When poor man with a large fam>
lily falls into hole, fracturing his
bones and tearing his ears of, it is
not laughing matter by any means
and the public will not think SO,
either. The circumstance is mourn
Jul, sir; very mourntul. Have you
anything not quite SO sad ?"
mo, Sir; that's my best"
"Well, sir, we can't use the untor.
tunate Teuton. If we did, there are
a lot of Germans in the city who have
large families. and wear blue shirts,
and they'll take it as personal insult
ard stop their paper"
''But," said the witty man with an
uneasy smile, "it's real funny for a
man to tall through hole"
ooh, no. it isn't. Ii you think SO,
try it some time and you'll find your
mistake
II mean," grasped the writer, "that
the idea is exceedingly laughable'"
There you're wrong again" replied
the editor. people don't laugh
when a man dives down into a hole
aud jams his head up in his boot legs.
Death, you know, is very solemn
thing, very solemn, indeed, sir" and
the editor sighed as the funny man
steered for the doorway.
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-09-21

Exhausted and enfeebled constitu-
ions suffering from dyspepsia, nervous
nous ana general weakness cured by
Browns Iron Bltters.
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-09-21

GI GAVE MY CHILD three doses OF the Pa.
tent Remedy-2905-and they brought
away pint of worms" Sold by Druggists.
The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-09-21

Spring Garden. June IA, 1881.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24
Supreme Court, april Term, 1881.


Roscoe F. Hersey, D. H. Hersey, Jacob Bean,
Charles Bean and Edward s. Brown, part
ners, as Hersey, Bean & Brown, appellants,
VS.. William R. Bennett and A. E. Grinell,
and L. L. Bennett, respondent.
Syllabus-Ina case of voluntary payments,
by the debtor, where no application is made
by either party, and there is but one cont In
nous account of several items forming but
one, and not separate or divided debts, the
payments will be applied on the account &C
cording to the priority of time-that
is, the first Item on the debt account
side of the account is discharged or reduced
by the first item on the-credit side
When a debtor has paid the consideration
for a grant or conveyance made to another
person, and the creditors account is made up
of several items, the earlier ones dating prior,
and the later ones subsequent to such grant
or conveyance, the fact that trust would re.
suit in favor of the creditor in the premises,
for the satisfaction of the earlier items of the
account which would not result in his favor
for the satisfaction of the later items, does moi
create controlling equity that will take the
case out of the above rule. MITCHELL, j.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24
TESTAMENT REVISION.

Bishop Lee Speaks a Good Word for the
English Revisers and the-General Char
acter of the Work,
WASHINGTON, June 23.-At the commence
ment of the Virginia Theological seminary
near Washington to-day, Bishop Lee, of Della
ware, who was one of the American revisers OF
the new testament, denied the story that the
Americans were not properly treated by the
English revisers. He said the American CON-
mittee claimed that they were co-revisers, not
mere advisers, and this was recognized, and
that in many instances the views and decisions
of the Americans were accepted by the English
revisers Bishop Lee said the revisers had no
apologies to make for their work; that they
had done it faithfully, and are satisfied that in
time the revised new testament will be gener-
ally appreciated by all the Episcopalians.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24
GreeabacE Nominees.

The following nominations were made for
the various State offices by the Greenback
convention:
For Governor-C. e. Roberts, of Olmsted
county.
For Lieutenant Governor-A. P. Lane, of
Hennepin county.
For Secretary of State-Geo c.. Chamber
lain, of Dakota county.
For State Auditor-E. Ayres, of Washing
ton county.
For State Treasurer-Ole johnson, of Mic
ollet county.
For Clerk of the Supreme Court-C. c.
Bracket, of Hennepln county.
For Attorney -General-Joseph Mcknight,
of Mower county.
For Railroad Commissioner-Joseph Cove.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24

WHEN in 1875 the GLOBE exposed the ty-
rannical monopoly of the Minneapolis Mill
er's association, there was general howl OF
Indignation from the "organs." The associ-
alton bled literally in behalf of Bill
Washburn, thinking thereby to save
itself. The seed sown by the
GLOBE has borne fruit, and the Millers' Asso-
ciationIs now falling to pieces. This is good
news for the farmers. Free trade in wheat
and fair prices, is what Minnesota producers
demand, and the dissolution of this gigantic
monopoly is move in the right direction.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24
JUDGE DICKENSON,S SUCCESSOR.
Hon. M. j. Severance rendered the Positio,

Hon. NJ. j. Severance rendered the Position.
Gov. Pillsbury yesterday issued COM
mission to Hon. M. j. Severance, of Man.
kato, as judge of the district court in and
for the Sixth judicial district of the State
of Minnesota, to fill the vacancy occa-
stoned by the resignation of the Hon. D..
A. Dickinson, to accept appointment as
associate Justice of the Supreme court.
The commission was received by Mr.. Sew
erance (who was at his Office in this city,
little before O'Clock in the afternoon,
shortly after which he was waited upon
by GLOBE representative, who found
him with the commission before him, and
engaged in reading the letter of Governor
Pillsbury rendering the appointment.
To the query of the reporter, as
to whether he should accept the
appointment Mr.. Severance answered
he could not say before to-day
He felt compllmented by the tender, but
he had several things to consider before
finally determining his course of action
in the matter AS known to many he had
some three months since formed law
partnership with Mr.. r. P. Warner, of
this city. The business of the part
nelship had been all that could be
desired, while the relations of himself
and Mr. Warner were in all respects sat-
isfactory and agreeable, and Mr.. Warmers
personal interests, as well as his own,
would have to be considered. Some mat
tiers particularly personal to himself also
required consideration before a final
determination of what he ought to
do in the matter. The business of
the district required that Judge Dicken-
sons vacancy should be filled with as
little delay as possible, and he should
therefore endeavor to reach conclusion
for transmission to the governor to-day.
And so the matter stands.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24

IT must be confessed that Conkling is not
altogether an ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. He
has been more or less connected with various
monopolies and identified with their interests.
Yet we have the authority of DR.. Watts for
saying that "while the lamp holds out to
burn, the vilest sinner may return, and there
is yet hope for Mr.. Conkling. His speech at
the Albany conference oh Wednesday may be
an evidence of his conversion. 1t is to be
hoped, at any rate, that such is the case.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24
THE COURTS.
District Court.
before Judge Young.]

lDeIOIe JuuSe 1Oung.J
James R. Raymond VS.. The city Of Minneap-
oils and Geo. A. Bracket occupied the whole
afternoon. At $50 the jury brought in YER
dict for the defendant.
11,S90--Ralph Rees VS.. N. R. Thompson.
settled and dismissed.
II ,aO5--Bates, Reed & Cooley VS.. Jennie
Apt. Settled and dismissed.
12,O2O-M. Wolff VS.. Jennie Apt. Settled
and dismissed.
11,297-W. w. McNair VS.. Minneapolis &
Northwestern railroad company. Settled and
dismissed.
,593-Averill. Russell & Carpenter vs..
Minneapolis Eastern railroad company. Con.
tinued to next term.
12,6O4-Lorenzo Ames, appellant, VS.. Min.
neapolis Eastern railroad company. Contin
ued to next term.
12,003-L. G. johnson. ct al, appellants,vs
Minneapolis Eastern railway company. Con-
tinued to next term.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24
Probate Court.

> Before Judge Real
In the matter of the estate of Silas E. Kirby
tration. Hearing set for July 49,
In the matter of the estate of F. R. E.. Cor
nell, deceased; testimony filed and allowed
Order made for creditors to present theil
claims within six months.
In the matter of the estate of Ole Oleson
deceased. Bertha o. Klipstad appointed ad
ministratrix.
In the matter of the estate of Henry Stubs,
deceased. Order made for creditors to pre-.
sent their claims within six months.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24

Mr.. CoNKLING has not been able to hold
his State committee together, and on that &C
count the Tribune, one of his opponents, con-
cludes that his influence has departed. This
may be the case, yet it is no extraordinary &C.
currence for the sky to be clouded from any
mans vision for time, and he still "bob up
serenely" when the day of reckoning comes,
and carry off the lions share of the spoils.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24

Mr.. NJ Dreyer, Avenue L, between Thirty
second and Thirty-third streets, Galveston,
Texas, says: St. Jacobs Oil has relieved me
from all the pains with which l suffered for
over year. 1t removed the pain in my con-
tracted sinews instantaneously. Severe pains
in the back were cured in five minutes by one
application of the wonderful article.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24
ORDINANCE No. ga.

ORDINANCE No. 244.
An Ordinance in relation to the salary OF
the Custodian of the Market Hall.
The Common Council Of the City of st. Paul
do ordain as follows:
Section l. The Market Master of the City
of st. Paul, shall, and is hereby declared to be
the custodian of the Market Hall, and for the
duties imposed by said appointment shall re-
ceive an annual salary of one hundred and
forty dollars, payable as other salaries.
Sec. g. This Ordinance to be in force from
and after its passage.
Yeas-Ald. Allsn, O'Connor, Robert, Grace
Otis, Ringwald, Cornish, Griggs, Trott, Star.
key, Mccarthy, Mr.. President-12.
Passed June 81, 1881.
JOHN DowLAN, President of Council.
Approved June Is, 1881.
EDMUND RICE, Mayor.
Attest:
THos. A. PRENDERaAsT, City Clerk.
June "a.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24
SIX PAGES.

The GLOBE issues six pages this morning
to accommodate its business and still our space
is crowded. The GLOBE will endeavor to
meet the demands of business, even if perma-
nent enlargement becomes necessary.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24
Griscom's Condition,

CHICAGO, June 23.-Griscom's weight to-
day Is 165H pounds. Loss since yesterday
one pound; since beginning 31X. he walked
seven miles this morning.
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24
Attorney and Engineer, with instructions
to report contract with lowest responsible
Ordinances.
ORDINANCE No. 242.

ORDINANCE No. 242.
An Ordinance to Amend an Ordinance entitled
An Ordinance "to Amend an Ordinance en-
titled Shows and Theaters," Approved DC to-
Der 9, 1869. Approved May 6, 1874.
The Common Council of the city of St. Paul
do Ordain as follows:
Section /. Section 1, of an Ordinance to
amend an Ordinance entitled5an Ordinance to
amend an. Ordinance entitled ''Shows and Thea.
ters," approved October 9. 1869, Approved
May 6, 1874, is hereby amended as follows
The city authorities may grant license in
the manner provided in Ordinance No. gu, of
the City OF St. Paul, to exhibit any show or
shows, caravan or circus, to wit:
For Circus (alOne) for first day. $3.50. 5000 90
For each succeeding day. ............. 100 10
For each side show per day.. ......... Is 90
Por Menagerie (alone) first day. ...... 100 90
For each succeeding dav, alone. so 90
For Circus and Menagerie combined,
first day.. IUO w
For each succeeding day. ............. 100 90
For each side show per day........... rs 90
Sec. O. This Ordinance to be in force from
and after its passage.
Yeas-Ald. lAllen, 10 Connor, Robert, Grace,
Otis, Ringwald, Cornish, Griggs, Trott, Star
KEY, Mccarthy, Mr.. President-12.
Passed June 81, 1851.
JOHN DowLAN, President of Council.
EDMUND RICE, Mayor.
Approved June %, 1881.
Attest:
THos. A. PRENDEReAsr, City Clerk.
June "a, 1881
Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-06-24
ORDINANCE No. 243.

ORDINANCE No. 243.
An Ordinance In relation to the salary of the
Chief Engineer of the Fire Department.
The Common Council of the City of st. Paul
do Ordain as follows:
Sec. 1. That on and after the first Tuesday
in June, 1881, the salary of the Chief Engineer
of the Fire Department of the City of Saint
Paul shall be fixed and established at fifteen
hundred dollars per annum.
Sec 2. This Ordinance shall take effect
and be in force from and after its passage.
Yeas-Ald. Allen, O'Connor, Robert, Grace,
Otis, Ringwald, Cornish, Griggs, Trott,
Starkey, Mccarthy, Mr.. President-12.
Passed June 81, 1881.
JNo. DowLAN, President of Council.
Approved June %, 1881.
EDMUND RIoE, Mayor.
Attest:
THos. A. PRENDERGAsr, City Clerk.
June "a.