The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-17
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

BEAR with me for while" is what
/ Bruin said when he affectionately en-
braeed the tramp.
Will the coming man wear stove
pipe hat? is asked. Not unless he
smokes, replies the Elmira Free Press.
liz HAD been telling her stories of him.
self, and had done great amount of
Dragging. When he had finished she
kissed him and murmured, "This is a
kiss for blow"
A CONNECTICUT man has invented a
pipe that will light itself. This is an
underhanded attempt to force house
painters to find some new way to kill
time. Boston Post.
''Now I lay me down to Sleep" said
little Toddlepins. Then stopping min
ute, "but | amt going to pray for NAM
mas sole to keep, cause it hurts" He is
regarded as the Bob Ingersol of the fam
| lily.
"AisTHETIo DAMsEL." The most
charming decoration for plate is a good
pleceof beefsteak with well cooked po-
tatoes and just suficiency of gravy.
it'll lay over trailing vines or sunfower
any day.-Boston Post.
''IHE ripest peach is on the highest
tree, says James Whitcomb Riley.
james shows his ignorance. The ripest
peaclis in the bottom layer Of the bas-
ket every time, and it is generally about
nine shades too ripe.
New YoBK's latest lah-da-dah: ''Do you
play the piano." ''No; 1 don't play the
piano but my sister Hannah, who is in
Savannah, she plays the piano in tx
most charming mannah. " Hawaiian
ana?'+-Nea0 York Star.
The difficulty originated in this way.
Said Gallagher to Ragbag-"I heard
story just now that was funny enough to
make a jackass laugh. Let me tell it to
you. Don't you slur me in any such
remark as that, roared Ragbag, a'aorily.
"How many of you are theirs, -.sKed
voice from an upper window, Ga a sere-
nading party. "Four," was the reply.
''DiYde that among you, said voice,
as bucket of slop fell tlike the gentle
dew Of heaven, on those beneath.
The Norristown Herald is accounta-
BILE for the statement that a New York
''ninety-nine cent store" was robbed of
eleven gold bracelets, six watches, three
diamond pins, fourteen gold brooches
and fifty four finger rings The loss is,
estimated at $2.20-OU city Derrick.
SAID Mcguire to Finnegan-'' When
you see me acting like fool, tell me so. "
And Finnegan said he would. And in
about half an hour he called out-"Ma-
guire, you're making fool Of yourself. :"
And then Mcguire got mad and thumped
Finnegan. 1t always works that way
Boston Post
CAN any one tell us why woman,
emerging from crowded car, always
makes believe she is going to get out at
one side of the platform, until two or
three men have jumped off in the mud,
and then steps off at the other side. She
always DOES it, and we want to know the
reason Why philadelphia Bulletin.
A CoNUNDRUM-"W hat is the differ
ence between man going to Plymouth
Church and lover about to propose?"
asks the Boston Courier. Don't know
Boston Post Then you had better go
back to school One is going to see
Beecher and the other, to beseech her
Piilatlelphia Bulletin.
THERE is lots of enterprise in this
world A Chicago saloon-keeper offers
prizes to persons who take the greatest
number of drinks at his bar in given
time And it may not be long before
enterprising undertakers offer premiums
to families in which there are the largest
number of deaths during the green ap-
pie and cucumber season.-Noryi8toW
Herald.