National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1881-03-12
SEEING THE EDITOR.
RuLL-DozERs IN THE sANcTUM.
The Kind Of People Who Drop In To See the Editor,
and What They Want-A FOol-Killer
Wanted to Dispose
OF Them.

1 used TO read his paper and puncture it with
criticisms, at the same time wishing that could
occupy his seat for a week; butt have changed my
mind don't wish to be an editor. envy MIN
no more.
This" change of heart" came upon me after wit
Messing what he Afterward told me might be con-
sidered light days work 1t doesn't matter where
or how concealed myself this is what Isaw and
heard:
NV friend came into his sanctum about ten
o'clock in the morning, looking rather seedy ABOUT
the eyes; and no wonder He had been there tn G
preceding night until the paper went TO press, at
three a. m.
Seating himself at his desk, he began the exami
nation of something like half bushel of CORE
spondenee. The first letter opened was from an
inventor DESTROYS of selling interest in his pat
ented windmill. The communication had barely
reached the waste basket when there came a rap
ut the door, and before invitation to enter could
be extended the barrier was flung back far enough
to admit long, thin visage, covered with shaggy
thatch of reddish hair, surInounted by a slouch
hat, from underneath which proceeded the inquiry:
ais the edditur in?'
81 am the EDITOR was the response; and there
upon something over six feet of inhumanity en-
tered, in eowhide boots and long, lean hanfde
posted under the editorial nose printed pedigree
of Mambrino Chief, jr., the owner Of the hand re-
marking:
Best bottom"
"What can do for your inquired the chief
lizard tibet boss from foald-"
"IfyOu wish an advertisement yOu should apply
at the business Office, down stairs, suggested the
king quill driver.
advertisement? Hi! I want a notis," re-
gpOnded the visitor.
Business office-they attend to all such mat
lers" reiterated the editorial head centre.
The owner of Mambrino Chief ir., picked up
his pedigree and backed out nearly upsetting an
elderly lady of comfortable dimensions and gray
corkscrew curls, who was just sailing in under
full spread of canvas.
al have communication" she began, produc-
Ing from the persimmony mouth of black silk
retieule two or three quires of f0olscap paper,
closely written upon both sides; "a communica-
don upon the subject of Woman and the Ballot
which desire to have published in to-morrOws
paper"
Impossible, madam. We have more matter on
hand than we know what to do with"
But this is oflocal-"
See the city editor, them he has charge of that
department.
"Ah, ha! Good morning!" cried hearty voice,
the owner of which pushed his way past the female
portion of the audience, who was edging toward
the door. " Good morning! Been an age since
seen you"
"You really have the advantage Of mel don't
Femem-'
"What? Don't remember me, Squire Huckle-
berry, of Shutdown? Now, that's good Why,
met you once, on the cars, five years ago. Oh,
never forget face"
-"Well, what can do for you?"
al want your indorsement-come on for post
Office"
"But lido not know you; don't know where you
are from-nothing about you"
"0h, that don't matter"
"But it does matter. You have no right to come
TO me, stranger, and ask for recommendation.
Besides, it is out ofmy line; you should apply to
your member
"Hes agiHme." reioined the Office hunter " He's
gOin for the other man."
"Icannot assist you"
"Til make it all right if"
"That will do sternly put in the writer of lead
eFs. al am not an Office broker. Good morning"
The would-be postmaster withdrew, muttering
something about stuek-up dam fellers;" and as
he disappeared in tripped a blushing damsel of
some seventeen summers.
A smile on the editorial countenanee lifted the
wrinkles on his brow up into the edge of his hair,
quite concealing them from sight, as he gracefully
waved his charming caller to a seat.
care you really the chief editor?' she inquired.
"Those other people are generally so awfully rude
have darling little poem"
al am sorry we cannot use it,
"But it is so nice!-quite the thing!' and she ex-
hibited neat roll of diminutive note paper. tied
with blue ribbon; Just read it; do, please
ave cannot use it. In daily paper'-the
brown eyes opened to their fullest extent and the
establishment depicted in them led the autocrat of
the sanctum to amend his declaration by adding,
hWe cannot Use it-at present"
"But you print lots of trash and I'm sure this is
not It's just too sweet for anything"
"Iwould advise you 70 send it to some literary
paper or magazine"
"You don't wish it?'
awe cannot use it, and it is"
"Too awfully mean" she interrupted, Z" after
all my trouble" And with this expression of
opinion and veritable scowl marring the beauty
of her fair face, the young author founced out of
the room plump against dignifed. elderly gen.
tleman who stood in the entrance in the act of ad
justing his spectacles upon a remarkably we'll
developed nose.
Advancing TO the desk he laid down roll of
manuscript thicker than his arm, and began: " I
have an exceedingly interesting article Just suited
to your paper, upon the comparative torridty of
the terrestrial and celestial zones-the correlation
cfOpposing forces and the ratio of heat and cold
evolved"
This is n newspaper, my dear sir, not scien-
tific journal. We cannot"
"You know, Professor Tyndall in his lecture on
the glacial period"
You may leave the article if you desire, but
cannot promise"
"Am Ito understand that you decline a contri-
button from nae9 You never Will decline another
And saying the scientist poc5eted his essay and
Withdrew, leaving room for a full-stomached
clean shaven bullet headed son of somebody who
came to business at once by introduction, 81
am the Hon. Joram Joblinls member of the board
of trustees of Smiths Centre I think of running
for Congress next fall: came down to see the in
auguration; would like puff. Help ME at home,
you know. ! have written out the main
points"
"You will learn the advertising rates at the
business Office down stairs"
"But don't want to advertise myself as if was
bean-shelle or a-a-jackass put up for sale.
want puff aneditorial puff
We give no puffs unless they are paid for.''
Don't? What the DEVILS your dog goned old
papergood for then I'd like to know d? thought of |
buying half dozen copies, but I'll see you id |
first Exit Joram.
With sigh of relief the chief settled down to |
work. The first letter was from countryman in |
some far off section, who desired the editor TO send
him package of imported turnip seeds: also !
photographs of the President, Cabinet Justices of
the Supreme Court, and members of both Houses of |
Congress; the next correspondent wished the |
recipe for connecting Roman punch-frozen; Miss |
C's dainty pink and perfumed note inquired all |
about the german, and whether anybody but Ger |
could indulge it; Judge K. wished copies of
all public documents published by Congress during
the last twenty years; Rev. H. wished to be ap- |
pointed chaplain to the Senate; forty page COM
munication detailed a runaway horse" incident |
which had already been served up in three-Ine !
local" and was succeeded by thrilling story |
(upposed), covering some five quires of legal cGp
(both Sides, beginning solitary horseman," &C.;
price, $500; and not stamp for return postage.
"Corns warts, bunions, ingrowing nails? How
are ye?" saluted portly parsonage as he stepped /