davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11
BICYCLE EXERCISE.

''Now, my DEAR said Mr.. Spoopendyke, hnr-
rying into his wife's room, s'if you'll come down
in the yard, I've got pleasant surprise for YOU
"What is lit" asked Mrs, spoopendyke.
''What have you goti A horsef"
"Guess again." grinned Mr.. SpoOpendyke;
.'it's something like a horse"
81 know, It's a new parlor carpet! That's
what it is.'
'.No, it isn't, either. said it was something
like a horse; that is, it goes when You make it.
Guess again"
lis it paint for the kitchen walls r. asked Mrs
Spoopendyke, innoceutly.
mo, it amt; and it amt hogshead of stove
blacking, nor it amt set of dining-room furni-
ture nor it amt seven gross of stationary wash
tubs. Now, guess again.
'Then il must he some lace curtains for the
sitting-room windows. Isn't that Just SPLEEN
did !" and Mrs. Spoopendyke patted her husband
on both checks, and danced up aud down with
delight.
"ifs bicycle; that's what it is, prowled
Mr.. spoopendyke. 81 bought it for exercise,
and I'm going to ride it. Come down and see
me-"
'.well, amt gladr" calculated Mrs spoopen-
dyke. .'iou ought to have more exercise; and
if there's exercise in anything, it's in bicycle.
DO let's soc it"
Mr.. Spoopenhyke conducted his wife TO the
yard and deseanted at length ON the merits of
the machine.
sin few weeks, will he able to make u
mic minute, ne situ, rs ne steatleu tit al'-
paratus against the clothes post, and prepared
to mount. Now, you watch me go to the end
of this path"
lie got his foot into one treadc, and went head
first into flower patch, the machine ON top
with prodigious crash.
"Hadnt you better tie it to the post until you
get ON ?" suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke.
leave me alone, will YET" demanded Mr..
| Spoopendyke. struggling tn an even keel. I'm
doing most of this myself. Now, you hold on,
and keep your mouth shut. Ii takes little
| practice, that's ALL
Mr., spoopendyke mounted again, and seuttled
along for four or five feet, and Topped over ON
the grass plat.
"Thafs splendid" commended his wife
s'You'yc got the idea already. Let me hold it
| for you, this time
''If you've got any extra strength you hold
your tongue, will yc: grOwled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. at don't want any holding. 1t amt
alive. Stand back and give me room, now
The third trial, Mr. SpOOpendyke ambled TO
| the end of the path, and went down, all in a
heap, among his flower pots.
That's just too lovely for anything" pro-
claimed Alr. Spoopendyke. '.You made m0re'n
| mile minute, that time!'
.Come and take it OFF, roared Mr.. Spoopen-
| dyke. "Help me up! bod CAST the bicycle. "
and the worthy gentleman struggled aud plunged
| like whale in shallow water.
Mrs. Spoopendyke assisted in righting him,
and brushed him lfi:
II know where you make your mistake, The
| little wheel ought to 90 first, like buggy, Try
| il that way going back"
"May be you can ride this bicycle better than
| ! cant" howled Mr.. Spoopendyke. "lon know
all about wheels! What you need now is Ian
tern in Your mouth and ten minutes behind
| time, to be the City Hall clock. II you had a
bucket OF water and handle, you'd make a
steam grindstone! Don't you see the big wheel
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

The following aneeilote is told of Mr. Blair,
editor of the Washington Globe, who, it is uni
yerSalIy acknowledged, is a man of no great per-
sonal beauty.
Mr.. BLAIR once met very strengthening KEN
tuckian in the Wheeling stage-coach, who ac-
costed him Tins: II say, stranger, here's a very
pretty Bowie knife was axed To hand over TO
Won ~ s.Indeed - said Blair, ''to whom may
lie indebted for this presentf Ut was a fright
fnl locking knife.) "Well, now, that would he
hard 20 tell,r replied the Kentnckian- Twas
about five years ago, as reckon, that WAS 60
in over this turnpike, and met n fellow vino
gave me the knife, a sort Of premium for be-
ing the ugliest looking fellow he had met on his
Journey over this ugly road. He exaeted a
promise, however, that if ever met an uglier
man than myself, / should at once hand it over
to him, at all hazards. Since then, have look
ed in vain for five years, and began to think the
knife was my own property. beg, however,
You will make no objections to accepting pres
emit TO which, am satisfied. You are justly enti-
tledw Mr. Blair pocketed the knife very good
naturally. giving the Kentuckian an earnest as
srirance that il he met anybody uglier looking
than himself, he would resign over his trust
with the utmost fidelity.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11
Our Strap 8ook.
..HF SENDS HIS LOVE TO YOU
sr MRS. MATTE Z FUZZY.

Pensive. but happy faced she stTayed
Along the sea-beat shore,
To mus upon the trOublcd past,
And dangers haply DER;
And of thankful prayer arosr,
That still hrr life Was spared.
To cheer and bless an absent heart,
Her own 20 long had shared -
When suddenly = message came,
In words that blast and burn;
The President y wounded sore,
And longs for your rrturn;
How seriously We canDo; tell
But still keep hope in view,
For he Is quite himself. snd says,
lie .-Ifls his love TO you
O. trndereSt words Of human speech.
That ns'er can fade away
They bore the fainting courage up,
Through all that dreadful day;
And when she knelt beside his couch,
The anxious journey through,
She kissed and bl--ssd him for the thought,
He sends his love Ia you
Be- strong to hear. o, suffering heart.
Beside the bsd Of pain,
For Heaven l. surly over all,
And nothing Is In vain;
And should the Lord Of mercy spare
That life 30 stauneh and true,
This song of mel"dy Is thine
He sends his love 70 you
But should a nations loysl heart
B- called with thee to weep,
The cruel fate that closed his eyes,
In deaths eternal sleep.
His spirit, freed frum dro-s, will soar
Beyond the melting blue,
While angels waft the swe-t rrfrain,
He sends his love to You"
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11
How TO Obtain Sleep.

The following is recommended as a cure for
sleeplessneSs: wet half a towel, apply it to
the hack of the neck, passing it upwards to-
wards the base of the brain, and fasten the dry
half of the towel over as to prevent the too
rapid exhalation. The effect is prompt and
charming, cooling the brain and inducing calm
er, sweeter sleep than any narcotic. Warm
water may he used, though most persons pre-
fer cold. To those suffering from overexcite-
ment of the brain, whether the result of brain
work or pressing anxiety, this simple remedy is
al hnn
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11
Tartar;c Acid in piphtheria.

The topical use of tartaric acid in diphtheria
has been successfully resorted to by VI. Vidal,
who in one of the foreign medical journals
remarks upon the necessity of thus making use
of topical agents against the false membrane,
as il has great tendency to spread by sort
of INSTRUMENTATION, comparable to what occurs
in certain contagious affections. His formu-
la is 10 parts 10y weight, of tartaric acid, Is
of glycerine aud twenty five of whitewater. The
acid acts upon the false membrane, converting
il into gelatinous mass, and favors its expui-
Sio
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

81 wANTsCH to schipp in the Lueilla," said a
Dutchman to the clerk of a shipping office.
"Well," said the clerk, pen in hand, whats
your namer
1T ish Hans Vanansmahandordannsey
MISUNDERSTANDING ldtmitdeschupvonet-
drom :" said Datchy, gravely splitting out his
old quid, and taking in a fresh one.
'Heavensr said the astonished clerk, II
can't write that. LOok-a-here mister, what is
il in EHglish-do you know!'
''Yaes, Ich does. 1t is ion Smidt!'
The poor clerk tainted
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

PATRICK HENRY was twice married, ard left
fifteen children, and there are now living prob
ably more than one hundred of his descendants
William Writ Henry. n member of the Richmond
bar, and Representative Of that District in the
State Senate, is his grandson. Senator Roane,
of Virginia, was his grandson, and General Jo-
seph Z. Johnston is his great-Dephew, rs was
also William C. Preston, the Senator in Con-
gress from South Carolina
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

DARK CLOTHES AND DIsEAsE.-lt may not,
perhaps. be known that man wearing dark
clothes is more liable to infection from contsg-
ious diseases than he who wears hght-colored
garments, because particles which emanate from
diseased of decaying bodies are much more read
lily absorbed by dark than by light fabrics.
This is easy of proof Expose a light and dark
coat to the fumes of tobacco for five minutes,
and it will he found that the bark one smells
stronger than the other of tobacco smoke, and it
will retain the odor longer.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

4 CONSCIENTIOUS PRISONER. Jim H., out
West, tells a good story abont ''Shell-bark
lawyer" His client up on two small char
ces-.'frivolous charges as shcll-hark desig-
mated them-(forging note of hand and steal
ing a horse) On running his eye over the jury
he didn't like their looks, 81 he prepared an af-
fidavit for continuance, setting forth the alb
sence of principal witness. He read it in a
whisper to the prisoner, who, shaking his head
said :" Squire, i can't swear To that doky-
ment" "Why T. ..Kase hit haint true" Old
Shell inflated aud exploded loud enough to be
heard throughout the room. what forge a
note and steal horse, and can't swear to a lie Z
Hang such Internal FOOLS" Aud he Immediately
left the conscientious one to His fate.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

THE Cornell Boat Club should come home.
The fact that they have been defeated in every
race in which they engaged, shows that while
in college they wasted too much time on loga-
riihms, trigonomctry, hydrostatics, ethnology,
ancient and modern literature and other studies
that are not particle of use to a student when
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

"YoUR mind is IN twilight state" observed
Joseph Cook to lIindoo. ''You can not differ
entate the grains of mistrust from the ROlecules
of reasonable confidence. You are travelling
the border land, the frontier between the para
disc of faith and the Arctic regions of incredul-
ty. iou are an agnostic.r And then he ex-
planned to friend that he had to clOthe his
thoughts in language of the utmost simplicity
in order to make the Hindoo understand
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

LOVE scene on the banks of the ChattahoO-
chez. They were sitting together like two ebo-
ny images, he staring yacuity out of counte-
nance, and she resting her raven crimps on his
heaving shoulder-.Miles away from hyar," she
fondly murmured, ''where de buifumlO rips and
ta'rs and frows dirt at the settin sun-dar's
whar well go, Gawge.' Gawge's lips moved
Boi, neither did he utter any word, but the
whites of his eyes repeated, "Dar's whar we'll
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

4 DOOMED MAS.-One of our esteemed cOtem-
pOrafies in this city is the Peanut, four by six
Journal, edited by an ll-year molder of public
opinion. named Johnny Mcbride On the morn
ing of the attempt on the life of Garfield, John
Dy's father awoke the children and announced
that the poor President had been assassinated.
''who did it p asked the future Jim Bennett,
rubbing his eyes.
"a man named Giteau or Cato"
at don't make particle Of difference how he
spells it," said johnny, sternly, "his hash is
settled-Tll attack him in the PedHHt."-SdR
Francisco Post
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

THERE was a very pleasant donation party
the other evening, and the company sang, 1--WE
give up all for heaven with deep feeling. but
the next day, the minister expressed desire to
key of dried apples, and a calico dressing gown
were undoubtedly good in their way. hut they
seemed to him to form unnatural basis to
preach sound theology from.-NOrrich Bulletin.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

A MAN, his wife and daughter went into q
Hartford lawyers Office recently to arrange for
mutual separation. The man had some education,
but the woman was evidently illiteratc. The law
The man replied ''ineompatibility of temper y
The wife and daughter fell back in their chair,
threw. up their hands aud exclaimed, "Good
God, only hear him.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

The Rev. Grant Powers. of Baverhill, n. H.,
rebuked an ignorant preacher for exercising the
Office of priest. He replied: 1--WE are command
ed to preach the gospel to every critter" 'But, y
said Powers, ''every critter is not commanded
to preach the gospel
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

NEW and curious remedy for hydrophobia
has been discovered by a Russian sdrasf, DIR.
JitZki. The person bitten by mad dog has
only, he tells us, to have himself bitten by n
viper in order to be perfectly safe. The poison
of the viper neutralizes that of the dog.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

House, linen, in Germany, lasts a very long
time, from being 50 seldom washed. Ii is a
sign of wealth to wash such things but four
times a year.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

THE question of who was the author of the ex-
preston, 81 hate fly is agitating Philadel-
.phia papers. Wen decide il soon some
body will inform us who was the first man to
see a fiy.-BossoH Post.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

'.YoU must recollect that all am telling you
happened one Thousand eight hundred and sew
enty years ago. Sally-"Lor, miss, how the
time do slip away
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

IT isn't right, and Delaware court has de-
cided that it isn't, for n man to tie his wife up
to a hitching-post and leave her there all night,
because he finds her spectacles in the coffee-pot.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

81 AN glad that l am not in that class, for
they are all Tilton girls said a ten-year-old
girl the other day to a companion, As they were
passing out Of the door of a Brooklyn public
school
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

The Seienfiae ImericaR recently Published that
a poultice of bread and vinegar, applied when
going to bed, was 4 sure remedy for bunions and
corns.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

THE st. Louis lawyer who tried to prove her.
editary insanity in his client, and brought ont
the fact that he was an adopted son, fell back in
his chair and blushed.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

THE maddest kind of a woman is enc who
spends half hour in arranging her toilet before
descending to the parlor on the arrival Of = Wis
itor-who proves to be n book agent.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

YOUNG lady studying French, and finding
that "beller meant ''ine,- told some one in
letter that eve had q great deal of belle
weather lately
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

RATHER ToUGn.-A New Englander, riding in
n railroad car. off southwest, somewhere, SEEM
ed particularly disposed to astOnish the other
passengers with tough stories about iankeedOm.
At last he mentioned that one Of his neighbors
owned an immense dairy, and made a million
pounds of butter and million pounds of cheese
yearly The story produced some sensation,
and the Yankee perceiving that his veracity
was in danger Of being questioned, appealed To
a friend as follows:
True, isn't it, Mr.. P! | speak of Dea-
con Brown"
.'Ye-e-s,r replied the friend-''that is, yes,
know Deacon Brown, though don't know as
ever heard precisely how many pounds of butter
and cheese lac makes year, hut know he has
twelve saw mills that all so by buttermilk"'
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

IT doesn't hurta good man to have his char.
scter investigated; neither does ii hurt good
coin to try its ring on the counter,
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

MEDICAL Journal calls attention to the fact
that meat is sometilnee made uHwholesome BY
tina use of certain kinda Of wooden Skevers-
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

IT was with an anxious feeling, the other
evening, that Mrs. Darlington, having smoked
the glasses of her specs, directed her visionary
organs" towards the western sky, in quest of
the comet ~ can't see IT." said she, and a
shade of vexation was perceptible in the tone of
her voice. 81 don't think much Of this explain
at0ry system that they praise 50, nuther, where
the stars are so mixed up that can't tell jew
Peter from Satan, nor the CONSERVATION of the
Great Bear from the man in the Moon. It's all
in the dark to me. don't belieye there is any
comet at all. Who ever heard Of Il comet with
out any tail, ] should like to knowi Its Onnat-
ural but most people don't seem to keer, as
long as it is new, whether it has tall or not,
and the printers will make tail about it long
enough, for they are always getting up comical
stories" With a complaint about the falling
dew, and a slight murmur of disappointment,
the old lady disappeared behind the deal door
like the moon behind a cloud.-PdthfRder.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

An exchange makes this suggestion for BUSH
ness men: 'In all towns where n newspaper is
published, every business man ought TO adyer-
tise in it, even if il is nothing more than a card
stating his name and the kind of business he is
engaged in. 1t helps sustain paper, and let's
the people out at distance know that the town
is full of business men. The paper finds its way
into thousands Of places where hand-bills can
not reach. A card in q paper is a travelling
sign-board, and can be seen by every reader
Think of these things, and let your light shine. ~
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

In an article on the late William Cullen Bry-
ant in the Post and Tribsne of Detroit, an old
friend says that she found on the poets library
table one day, q pretty edition of s.Mother
Gooses Melodies which had been presented to
Mrs. Bryant by her husband. Inside were writ
ten these words: 81 know Of no oshar bosk IN
the world that has been read niugs dilieertiy.
or hss giysn more enjoyment, than tn, =
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

A DRUNKEN fellow, who was found lying IN o
graveyard at Pottsville, claimed TO be petri-
ned giant.
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11

A GOOD barometer is of great use to the far
mer at the season of harvesting to calculate with
~ eonsiderable degree Of certainty the approach
The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-08-11
for the farmer.
THE ARMY WORM.

rn. an;,;,, n m seienIi.t-The Life and
Habifs OF the Pest.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-05-25
BREvlTIES,

Finest line of straw hats at Zeis'.
A few picnics were held yesterday.
The hotels are all filled with guests.
The firemen's parade takes place to-mor-
row.
Circuit Court will adjourn at an early
day.
All kinds of sign work attended to by C.
Jurgens. If
Rose Wood appears lin Camille" at
Harper's Theatre next week.
The Board of Health held meeting last
night.
| Go to Zeis' for fine merchant tailoring
work
The bodies of one of the men drowned
at Rapid City last Saturday was recovered
last night
Light clothing, best in the city, and at
lowest prices at Zeis'.
The street repairing continues, and this
morning men were engaged in macadamiz
ing 10Th street, near the Harper House.
Free to everybody-the Sunday Tribune
containing the revised New Testament, at
McCabe & Wheaton's Phoenix Drug store.
Sells circus will exhibit here on the 18th
of next month, and Coup's circus will visit
this city on the 4th of July.
For good job of granting give C. Jur-
gems a call. If
People should bear in mind the fact that
our want" column is the place to make
known anything such as houses for rent or
sale, domestics in search of place or any
thing else that requires public notice.
Sign writing and granting made a
speciality by C. Jurgens. If
Elegant white vests at Zeis'.
All the leading foreign and American
mineral waters. by the glass, at McCabe &
Wheaton's Phoenix Drug store.
The Viola passed f1oater lying in the
water on the Iowa shore just below Rock
ingham 1t looked as if it had been in the
water some time. There were some men
on shore going out to it.
From this time on the WEEKLY ARGUS
will be issued on Thursday in place of Fri
day, as has been the case in the past. No
tees for the weekly edition should reach
the counting room during Wednesday to
insure their insertion.
Everybody call and get Sunday Trfb-
atae, free, containing revised edition New
Testament, at McCabe 6 Wheaton's Phoe
nix Drug store.
Last evening, at the Masonic Temple,
council degrees were conferred on num-
Der of Royal Arch Masons. Several dis
tingnished Masons from abroad were pres
ent, being here to attend the canal conven-
ton. A banquet was afterwards served.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-05-25

selves freely on the best course to pursue
in the premises.
Dr. Carter offered the following resolu-
ton:
BssolUed. That Mr.. William Farrell is hereby or
dered by the board to introduce forthwith into his
establishment for the manufacture of fertilizers,
rendering of tallow, etc. such improved apparatus
as shall efectually and totally destroy all nox1ous
ana dangerous odors, and that the business IN ana
about the establishment be conducted in cieanly
manner. in accordance with general sanitary regu-
lations.
Be IL further ordered That the wagons used in
hanling material TO said establishment be construct
ed with closed beds.
The resolution was carried.
On motion the resolution was made sub
ject to such notifications and amendments
as the city attorney, Dr. Carter and the
city clerk may propose.
The clerk was instructed to send copy
of the resolutions to Mr.. Farrell, and vi.
S. OiNeil, the chairman of the city com
mittee
On motion of DR.. Craig, the clerk was
instructed to notify the county clerk Off
cially of any failure on the part of physi-
clans to report deaths and births within
thirty days after their occurrence, as re-
quired by law
The clerk was also instructed to call the
the attention of the city council to the con-
dition of the open sewer on 27th street
and also the 5th Avenue ditch between
18th and 18th streets.
The Board adjourned to meet this after
noon when an official inspection of the
city was made.
The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-05-25
BOARD OF HEALTH.

A special meeting of the Board of Health
was held last evening at the council room
when all the members except Mayor Carse
We're present.
The roll call showed that DR.. Craig, DIR.
Barth, DR.. Carter, Captain Koehler and
Marshal Miller were in attendance.
DR.. Barth was made temporary chair
man.
It was stated that VIM Farrell, the pro-
prietor of the bone factory whose place had
been so severely commented upon by citi-
zens generally, had made request to have
the Board of Health recommend the appli-
ances and apparatus which would enable
him to conduct the business without being
so offensive to the neighborhood
Mr. Farrell, SO it was stated, had said
that he was willing to remedy
SO far as in his power all the disagreeable
features of the business in which he was
engaged
A general talk followed this statement,
and the several members expressed them