Democratic messenger., 1881-09-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

Bill posted on house in a street IN
st. Petersburg "Cellar to Let, for Sc
cret Societies"
CARE you lonely tonight, Miss Ada?"
"No, sir; | wish l was lonelier." And
he babe her Ad u
CRYING at weddings has gone out of
fashion. It is the father of the bride
who does the crying when he comes to
settle the bills.
PATTI thinks of giving her first con-
cert at the New York Stock Exchange.
She has heard that the price of seats
there is $50, 900 each.
AMERICAN ideas are gradually gaining
ground in Europe. The cashier of the
Union Financiere Bank of Paris has de-
camped with S500,000.
OK being asked what he thought fire.
flies were made for, little boy an
swered 81 think God made them for
candles to light the little frogs to bed"
WHEN Pat was arrested for taking,
without leave, one of the products of
the hen coop, he excused himself on the
ground that he thought it was stale
egg.
A BOY defined salt as "the stuff that
makes potatoes taste bad when you don't
put it on" He was twin brother of the
boy who said that pins had saved great
many lives by not being swallowed.
"DD you get that girls picture,
Brown? You remember you said you
were bound to have il" "Well, not
exactly replied Brown 81 asked her
for it and she gave me her negative"
HORRIBLE slang in society: In the
printed instructions for playing lawn
tennis we observe the injunction
First have good racket" And this
is the game countenanced by our best
society.
WHAT kind of q mark is that ?" said
RIagrady to his friend Talthorpe, point
ing TO a scar on his face. cts a ques-
tion mark, " replied the other "got it
for asking man if it was warm enough
for him."
A WORLD of warning in these three
lines from the Erie Dispatch: "Mr.
Rathbun returned to Erie last night,
iaded, wearied creature, scarcely recog-
nizable by his friends. He says he
wouldn't elope again for 81 ,000."
GEN. LEE is said to have asked a
straggler whom he found eating green
persimmons if he did not know they
were unfit for food. "I'm not eating
them for food, General" replied tho
man; "Tm eating them to draw up my
stomach to fit my rations."
SHE was dashing and fiirty, and when
she sad her father was broker and was
connected with one of the leading rail-
roads in the county, all the men at the
interchangeable were after her. They
didn't discover until the end of the sea-
son that her paternal relative broke the
trains.
ONE DR.. Lovett, of Erie, informed
reporter that an eminent medical au
thority has gone so far as to state that
if people drank buttermilk from infan-
cy up they would never grow old. But
there are some things worse than grow
ing old-and to some people buttermilk
is one of them.
An ILLINOIS FARMER declared that his
daughter didn't earn her salt. She re-
torted that she would be glad to stand
on the same footing as his hired help.
He consented, signed an agreement, and
soon forgot all about it. That hap
pened five years ago. Now the girl sues
for wages, and gets $500.
OK Thursday last a Leavenworth
woman gave a man an old, battered
nickel for rescuing her from drowning.
The man says the next time she falls
into the water the old nickel get her be-
fore ne moistens his clothes in another
attempt to snatch her right from the
brink of the subsequently.
How QUICKLY we forget the rules of
arithmetic as learned III school is shown
in the fact that prominent dry goods
merchant in Boston worked half an
hour on the following proposition: II
four men build wall five feet high III
four days, how long will it take six men
to build wall eight feet high in seven
days?
APRoPos of the death of Charles Ken
ney, a London paper cites what may be
called wise saw" of his upon a
"model instance" as follows: "The
wisest of all wise sayings" said some
one, one night at the old Fielding Club,
sis the old Greek maxim, Know thy
self. YES" said Kenney, "there's
deal of wisdom in it. Know thyself,'
Eut, nc ddueu, uSfcH lutIouuCS
friend"
THIS is the way Vassar girl tells
joke: "Oh, girls heard just the best
thing to-day. 1t was too funny. can't
remember how it came about. but one
of the girls said to Professor Mitchell
oh, dear, can't remember just what she
said but Professor Mitchelrs answer
was just too funny for any use; forget
just exactly what he said, but it was
just too good for anything y
''oDE TO MY GooDY.
maiden fair l sing,
Her wonderous worth I'd tell,
And though do not know her name,
Her face know right well.
'Tis she who, when the dawn
Is creeping up the sky,
Comes stealing gently to my door
With ever-watchful eye.
The rose is like the snow
When held beside her cheek;
Her form is not exactly slim,
Her lungs are never weak
l can't reveal her name,
Because do not know;
But as for what she murmureth,
1t always ruuneth so: