Middletown transcript., 1881-04-15
Ght cgliddlttuun Cransript
FRIDAY AFTERNOON, APRIL 10, 1881.
CHIPS.

o6H6Cd EQUITY has IlOG all llllldI6 III
its Jail, but perhaps there isn't much to
steal around there.-NeW York Com
mercial
1t rains alike on the just and the un-
iust-on the just mainly because the
unjust have borrowed their umbrellas. :
Buffalo Express.
''What is Love ~ asks an exchange
Love, my friend, is thinking that you
and the girl can be an eternal picnic to
each other.-Salem S,t9,bsdm.
A blush is believed by the Whitehdll
Times to be modesty's headlight. 1t
doesn't always prevent, however, rum
ming off the track-Nelc York Express.
Robinson Crusoe had no difficulty in
observing Lent, although if he had
been Cannibal, he might have eaten
the meat on Friday. = Whitehall Times.
Giving fourteen ounces to the pound
is the weigh that some men have to get
rich.- Whitehall 1anes. It's mighty
bad weigh too, isn't it ?-Steubenrille
Herald.
A school teacher in Berks county has
whipped fifty-eight children and fought
with seventeen fathers since November
/. Give him an obelisk. .- breakfast
Table.
Acquires the confection," is the
Boston girls translation of Takes the
cake" Similarly, "The proper caper"
becomes 'The correct contOrtion. -
Boston Transcript.
Aminadab being advised to lay by
something for rainy day, remarked |
that he should consider the kitchen |
stove good thing to lay by for rainy |
day.-MardthOn Independent.
Our esteemed contributor who asks,
"When shall America be as free in fact
as in name ~ is respectfully reminded
that there is no puzzle department in
this paper.-San Francisco Wasp.
If people knew as much about what
they think they know, as they think
they know about what others think
they know, we think they would know
more than they think they know now.
= Wilkins.
The woman who leaves church with
a sense of inability to describe the dress
of her neighbor in the next pew, does
it with deep feeling Of sensibility that
somehow OF other she has been remiss
in her duty WebSter Times.
Photographers, it seems, will be Gre
mated free of charge they make such
beautiful ashes and look SO sweet in a
nice urn. Besides, it is such a salts
faction to the boss cremater to scorch
'em.-NelC York Commercial.
While weekly attempts are made to
blow up monarchs, the editor of a
country journal gets blown up every
time he issues paper. An editor
could never rise in his profession unless
he gets blown up Whitehall Times.
Plump girls are going out of fashion. |
Excuse us for remaining so con-
foundedly old-fashioned. - Whitehall |
Times. o, certainly! Iti quite natu-
raj for you too prefer the fat Of the
land. Most persons lean that way
Albany argus.
The female plaintiff in a western |
divorce suit was asked, upon taking the
stand and prior to being sworn, if she
believed in future life. II used to-"
she answered, 'but since 1 was mar
ried I've had all the nonsense taken out |
of me. ."-Brooklyn Eagle.
And now a prominent Williamsporter |
steps up and says that the person who |
threw the nitro-glycerine at the Car
was an Ohio man. Williamsport |
Breakfast Table. Well, he wasn't.
An Ohio man would have bored the
old man to death trying to get an Office. |
-Steubenr,lle Herald.
When man goes home late at night |
and the neighbor's dog comes out and
wants to have an open-air discussion
on the chances Of the Delaware peach
crop, that man is excusable on the plea
Of transitory righteousness if he pulls
out his knife and sends the canine into
hence. = Williamsport Breakfast Table.
Chic, the name adopted by new
Venturer in comic journalism in New
York, is slang word used in Paris to
denote extreme elegance Of a free and
easy character. \ chic brag. a chic
pipe, or a chic woman, are things to be
proud of if ones tastes run to extremes.
"Chic" is pronounced ',shick. ''-N Ne,c
York Nal.
Il have bill, began a man, as he
stood in the door of an office on Larned
street yesterday and looked over his
file; II have little bill which,
leave it with me and I'll collect it if
have to follow the debtor il straight
year, z interrupted the lawyer. "Yes !
here it is-bill for ten dollars. Ii is
a bill against you" Against me
All that alters the case. You. must
give me year to pay it in. Good day,
sir !''-DetrOit Free Press.
Mrs. Adam Grubb. 231 Walnut
street, has been a great sufferer for a !
number of years from extreme pain in I
the feet, something like rheumatism. !
She was also very much troubled with !
corns and bunions. 1t was with great i
difinnltu that she nnnld u.allc mud