Lancaster daily intelligencer. [volume] (Lancaster, Pa.) 1864-1928, 1881-08-16
BEWARE, REPORTERs.
He has Five laeaths to Serve Yet.

If there is one official in this county
who dislikes newspaper criticisms it is the
present coroner. He has the greatest
contempt for reporters, although he only
shows it when he gets his occasional
"spasms.' On Saturday one Of these
"spells,' which may prove fatal some
time. came over him. For some time
past the coroner has been tormented by
some scoundrels who have been in the
habit of waking him up out of his slum-
bers at night by telling him to 60 down
street to hold an inquest. He is always
promptly on hand and would at once re-
spond to the call He would go quietly
down street and it would not be long until
ne would find that he was the victim Of .
cruel hoax. On last Friday night it was
reported that a boy had been drowned in
the Conestoga. The coroner was awakened
at a late hour by some one Cat present un-
known to the jury) and he hurried down
street only to find that he had again been
very cheaply sold. The next morning the
reporters Of the daily press, who believed
that the story of the drowning was true,
called upon the coroner for particulars.
Several spoke to him about it, and at last
reporter of the INTELLIGENcER, who
knew nothing of the joke, spoke to
him about the drowned boy. He was i'm
mediately informed that it was all fraud.
The coroner indeed became very tropical
and at once began to abuse the reporters.
He said that they were a bad lot. and in
his opinion, they were responsible for his
being called up late at night to answer the
false alarms. He thought that the reporter
had concocted a scheme to arouse him
(and whoever did certainly was successful
in arOusing his bloody. He denounced the
reporters in the roundest terms, and the
best of English. He thought it was very
strange that all the reporters should know
about the affair, while no one else did, and
he was confident that they were at the bot
tom Of the joke. All of this little speech
was made in the court house, before a de-
the coroner ''hot'' than 90 to Sells Brothers
circus, and remain for the concert. After
the coroner had been going on with his
reporter Of the Examiner came i'm sight,
and then there was music. The coroner
again went off in a fit of abuse. He said
that there was not an honest reporter in
the city, and none of them were possessed
of any brain. He was willing to give $50
(more than the sum realized by several
inquests), for any information leading to
the detection of the person who wakened
him up. No one has yet found the crimi-
nal, and the money awaits takers.
1t is great pity that the coroner has so
suddenly got such a bad opinion of the
newspaper men, but the partial cause of
it is that he thinks they have spoken harsh
ly of him through the columns of their
different papers. He says that he will not
give them any news hereafter. Now this
is terrible, and it will, no doubt, cause all
the papers to suspend publication until his
feelings are soothed. But this is not the
only disadvantage, as the reporterswhO have
endcSvOred to obtain an honest livelihood
by serving as jurors for the coroner will be
thrown ont of employment and the large
sums of money, which have annually pass.
ed into their hands, will be thrown away
upon other persons. The corOner's door
will hereafter be closed upon the press
gang and no longer will the familiar "what
do you know, coroner % be heard in that
Office. They will have to wander around
the street, heart broken and utterly un-
able to procure any news whatever, all be-
cause the coroner thinks they reused him
ont of bed without furnishing him with u
Z" stif'' on which to hold an inquest. The
reporters feel very sorry at the cOrO-
ner's hasty action. and they have resolved |
to hold meeting for the purpose of pass
ing resolutions of regret, which will be |
published in the Lancaster Bar only. |
They will also endeavOr to ascertain who |
the cowardly person is who wakens the |
coroner up. If they should succeed they
will have the criminal turned over to the |
brilliant official, and they will then have
to chronicle a verdict to the effect that that |
man came to his death from causes un-
known to the jury with no blame to the
employees of the road.' A we'll known
reporter is charged with Weakening the
ctroner up, and he is probably the guilty
party. Detectives have been secured to
work up the case, which will probably be
more interesting than those which the
coroner now has against the county. The
coroner will always come out right as long
as his cards say so.
MARIETTA MATTEfsS