davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05
Expensive Drugs.

There are two mad men in Milwaukee.
One is bald-headad man and the other
is druggist. The bald man told a doc
tor that his hair was falling out, and
asked him if he didn't know of some
thing that would stop it. The doctor
said lie would fix him, so he wrote pre-
scription, which was rs follows.
Aqua pura 81.
Shake well and rub ON the scalp every morn.
ing.
The bald man went TO druggist and
had the prescription put up, paying a
dollar and seventeen cents for IL. He
asked the druggist If it wasn't little
high, but felt ashamed when the drug
gist asked him if he knew how much
aqua pura cost gallon. He said he
didn't, but supposed ii come high. The
druggist told him aqua pura was one of
the most penetrating drugs in the store,
and as for chloride Of sodium, there was
nothing like it, and the war in Peru had
sent il up kiting. He said if the trouble
in Chill kept on there was no knowing
how high it would be- The bald man
used the medicine, and felt as though il
was doing him good. His wife noticed
little new hairs coming ont, and he felt
good, SO when the stuff was gone he
took the bottle to the store aud had ii
filed again. The chap who filed it this
time was another chap, and when the
bald-headed man threw down n dollar
the drugger said, 20, never mind. We
won't charge you anything for that =
The bald man asked how that was, when
the drugger said "Why, it is only salt
and water anyway. The salt is only two
cents a pound, and the water is pretty
cheap this year. The bald man gave
one gasp and said, 'eWell, by the great
bald-headed Elijah, paid dollar for
filling that bottle before and want my
money back. II is bald-headed swin-
die. / thought that Peruvian story
didn't look plausible" The druggist
gave the man box Of cigars to keep
still about it, but he won't speak to the
other erugger who charged him dollar.
---Pecks Sun.
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05
A NOVEL DEFENSE.

securing His Safety by Hearty Laughter
[Good Woods
On the fifth day Of otlr march from
lendwe, | was, as usual, considerably in
front OF my men, who, with their loads,
We're not able to walk as fast rs myself.
The sky threatened nstorm, which made
me hasten to reach Pamlio. On APP
preaching the village nobody was to be
seen, the natives being either out in the
fields, or in their houses out of the rain.
The stoclade presented rather unin-
vlting Appearance, being ornamented
with few hundred human skulls in all
directions, from the freshly stuek-up
head to the bleached Uranium, and all
apparently swapping their jaws at the
thought Of new companion as the wind
wheeled them backward and forward.
However, the rain was falling fast, and
there was no use of being squeamish. So
into the village / marched unnoticed,
and finding out hut with broad,
overhanging cave, ] took refuge out Of
sight, waiting till my men came forward,
in order that might appear with appro-
pirate pomp. / had been thus ensconced
nearly ten minutess when suddenly the
stiffness Of the village was broken by a
loud, peculiar shout This was almost
Immediately taken up from every quar-
ter Of the village, until every stone
seemed to yell out the strange cry.
Drums added to the uproar, while wo-
men screamed, and the men were seen to
hurry toward the gates, shouting and
brandishing their spears. / was very
much astonished at this; but, supposing
it was simply the fashionable mode Of
receiving caravan, remained still, ex-
pecting my men every minute. How
ever, the uproar continued without
abatement, and my men did not appear.
Thinking there must be something
wrong, Iemergedifrom ny.cover.
To my surprise / found the gates
closed, and the stockades and crows
nests manned by an excited multitude
brandishing their spears at some APP
parent enemy outside. 1t instantly
flashed upon me that was prisoner
and cut off from my men. My presence
/ in the village was evidently unknown
For, on my appearance among them
y every voice was silent, and the once ex.
cited multitude seemed paralyzed with
fear. was supposed to be ghost
| Seeing this, / recovered my presence OF
mind, and striking nm attitude like Ham
let's ghost, I,moved forward with slow
deliberate steps, and severe expression
Of face. AT each step the warriors re
coiled. Struck with awe, they looked
at me with staring eyes and opel
mouths, In breathless silence. This wa
too much for me, and unable to keep VI
the character, ] burst out with an ire
pressible roar Of laughter. The effec
of that laugh was tremendous. TIL
amazed sayages recoiled still further
leaving the gate free. With bound
reached it, and before they could recove
| their senses it was open, and l was out
side, to the unbounded Joy Of my men
who were trembling for my safety.
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05
The Girl OpposIte.

The editor of the Philadelphia Times
has been flirting with ''the girl opposite"
and gives his readers the benefit Of his
experience in a lengthy article;
sit is a wise and merciful dispensation
Of nature that there nearly always is a
girl opposite. Possibly dweller In the
proyerbial vast wilderness might hit
upon an exception to this far-reaching
rule; but the chances are just as he was
thinking how dismal it was that he had
come at last to region where no girl
opposite was to be found he would see
the savage woman out Of Locksley Hall
peeping at him from among the bushes
on the other side of the stream--and
then the usual Irritation with the look
ing glass would begin For the flirta-
tion always does begin with a looking
glass, and SO, after all, the self-alleged
inventor Of photography is only . base
copyist. Millions is but thin shallow
sort of word to express the number of
men who have at one time or another in
their lives been subject to the will of the
girl opposite, and who have regulated
their personal affairs--their comings and
goings- not by the requirements Of their
professions, but by the eccentric stand
ard Of her disappearance and visibility.
Why, did governments impose upon men
one-tenths part of the burdens and in
conveniences which they willingly bear
for the girl opposite, the world would be
more or less swimming in the sea Of rev
olutionary blood pretty much all the
timel These assertions are not made
rashly nor carelessly Have you ever
stopped to calculate how much time you
have fooled away in making love to the
girl opposite; that is to say, to all the
girls opposite to whom you have made
love in your life long? And have you
ever stopped to think how few things
there are in this world that you would
sacrifice so much time to for SO small q
result? We say 'fooling' away time
advisedly. II flirting with the girl op-
posite ever led to the inevitable marry
ing that in the long run every fellow
must attend to, then it would be reas-
enable thing to do. But it never does,
never. You marry some other girl, and
lie girl marries some other fellow, and
the whole performance is just sheer
waste Of time. And yet, after oil, worse
ways than this is have been invented.
Even ii you do marry and go to live in
Dan, and the girl marTies and goes to
live in Beersheba and you never lay eyes
on each other again or hear word about
each other to the very end of your sew
eral days, yet, somehow, you have al
ways a little soft spot in your heart as
you remember her standing there framed
in the window, like the pretty picture
that she was 'reproof on her lips, but Q
smile in her eye, and simply irresistible
and you cannot help believing that down
Beersheba-way there is somebody whc
remembers all about it, and feels goot
deal the same way you do. Truly, thu
girl opposite is a good deal Of bother
but the time for legislating her out Q
office has not yet come. No indeed"
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05
Providing for Danehters.

The way Of happiness and comfort for
single middle-aged women would be
much easier if different method was
pursued by parents toward their daugh-
tiers while they are still young. Moth
ing, Of course, can recompense a woman
for the loss in her life Of the love Of hus-
band and children, but there is no rea-
son why, added to this bitterness, she
should always have the humiliation OF
dependence. Half the terrors OF sim
gle life Of woman lie in the fact that
she will never have home of her owE,
but must remain dependent on father
and brothers the one too many In the
household the beneficiary on sufferance
in the family, though she work twice as
much as the actual members. A father
naturally sets his boy on his own feet at
coming Of age, but as naturally keeps
his daughter dependent on himself. 1t
is pleasure, perhaps, to him to give
her gowns and pin money at 30 as when
she was 3. He does not reflect that she
has the longing, equally natural TO
every man and woman, to take her own
place in the world, to be rooted plant,
not parasite. The difficulty is @sily
solved. If the father is wealthy, let him
settle absolutely upon his daughter,
when she is of marrying age, the amount
he would have given her as a dover, in
stead Of doling out the interest as con-
slant gifts il he is poor man, let him
give her some trade or occupation by
which she can earn her own money.
This course would obviate the mercena-
nv necessity Of marriage which rises
night and day before the penniless, de-
pendent woman. The H0usekeeper.
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05
perils Of the Single Man.

The old-fashioned notion that men
look with totally different eye on wo-
man when they want O wife from what
thew look on women generally can not
ha sustained. Albeit there are men ever
IN ouest Of connubial partner without
searching for her. They are very apt to
Id surprised into matrimony, on, at least,
into matrimonial intents provided, how
aver that the matter be not taken out OF
their hands by the woman herself. No
man Il 90 likely to become engaged as
Ia I Who Il persuaded that he viii never
he He is so prepared on one side for
o;rcrnatances Of q certain kind that he
4 wholly unQarded on the other side for
c;rcnmstances Of an opposite kind. At
tbe very moment that he is confident OF
everlasting celibacy, that he is rejoicing
over NC, his freedom, sudden shift in the
sentimental environment, d word,
tear, caress, decides his doom.-Nee0
York Mail.
TIE obscure poison which produces
hydrophobia has been known to lie la
tent in the human system for years be-
fore developing its fatal results. M.
pasteur declares the suppoation to be
well supported that. the virus does de-
velop in certain organs, and not, ms n
aAher similar naladies, IN the blood; ano
fhat when after a period variable ae..
cdrd;,,o 10 circumstances organized
,,osson ? masses into the blood, severe
sv,or,t<,nas come on rapidly, and the VIC
~ soon dies. An explanation substan
tiailv lie same as this had long beer
,,sVss4,cad ss;s,s as o mere theory, but now M
J pasteur advances ID as an ascertainee
physiological fact,
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05

The following is an actual occurrence:
A "broth Of O boy" died on the Hill,
and Mr.. Moriarty dressed himself in his
best and went to view the "corroupse.
He had new shiny black beaver hat last
ST. Patriok's Day. Entering the abode
Of sorrow, he held the glossy tile care
fully before him, crossed the floor and
deposited it with great care upon chair
ct the head Of the coffin. Then wiring
ing his hands mournfully, he turned to
the weeping mother saying:
ssShure, Mrs. Mallory, ids q great loss
We hev been. til I'm full Of dhe sorrow
fur yez, but dhe Lords will be dune.
Then turning TO the corpse, Mr.. Mori-
artv delivered himself thus: "Och, purity
bye. Tommy. Why did yez die. And
amt he purity in his new shirt ond shute
oy clothes. An won't we miss him nom
dhe corner fwhere he used to shtand
waitin' fur dhe girruls. Luke at him,
layin' there 80 swate, purity. Shure, ole
niver saw purifier corrupse. But the
Lords viii be dune an must go. "
Turning away he found that a huge
woman was sitting rocking and weeping
in the chair where he had deposited hii
precious plug hat. Speaking in a sweet
| low voice, he inquired:
gHaYe yez seen me hat?" Noone re-
Piled. A little louder, 'Haye any il
yez seen me new hat ?" Noreply. With
still greater voice: 'sFhere is me new
high hat2" The big woman reached
around under her and pulled out con
certina-looking concern made OF blacl
beaver. and fearfully remarked: 81
dhis yer hat, Mr.. Moriarty?" He reared
himself up. He iammed his fist into th'
wrecked beaver In a vain attempt b
straiehten it out; he gazed upon tn
hatl and DID be dhe day liver KEN i
till see sich an ugly corrupse as THIS war
IFS dhe uggliest liver l saw an q goo
riddance." Then be walked out. t.--sje'
sen C5ty Journal.
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05
A Strange StOry.

It is easy to attribute illusions and so
called spiritual visions" to walking
dreams and double consciousness when
confined to single individual, but how
will you explain them when two persons,
hundreds Of miles apart, are conscious
of each others presence? My mother,
an unimaginative woman, who had never
discovered her nerves, when in her elgh-
tieth year was prostrated with an alarm
ing attack of pneumonia. On Sunday
morning she was unconscious of her SIR
roundings, and apparently very near
death, and telegram to that effect was
sent without her knowledge to her son,
who was living in Western New York
her home being in Massachusetts. This
son had been ill but was conyalescing, and
when the dispatch reached him he was
on the piazza taking sun-bath, clad in
his bed room ulster Of peculiar make
and close-fitting skull cap Of seal-skin.
In his agitation over the distressing news
he walked to the front gate, and leaning
upon it for support, suddenly and dis
tfnctly beheld the figure Of his mother
standing before him. Greatly impressed
by the occurrence, he determined to Wis
it her bedside, hastily made prepara-
tions for the journey, and by. travelling
express all the way reached her house
on Monday afternoon, when he told the
story Of the apparition.
Meanwhile my mother had rallied
somewhat and her mind was clear most
of the time, but it was thought best not
to apprise her Of my brothers arrival.
After time, when she was thought to
be sleeping, he stepped to her door to
look at her. She Immediately spoke TO
him in her ordinary manner, without be-
traying the least surprise at bis being
there, and said. 'fWell, John, you look
better in that coat. never saw such a
strange suit as that you had on when
you were leaning over the gate on Sun
day morning." My poor brother, man
nearly sixty years Of age, and not in the
least superstitious, was yet so overcome
by this double mystery that he nearly
tainted. In this case no collusion was
possible. My mother had never visited
the city where my brother lived and had
never seen the suit Of clothes mentioned
She could not have overheard his voice
in the house, as her hearing was i'm
paired. Can the event be explained Oh
scientific ground.-M Y. Tribune.
aAH, DEAR" sighed Miss Fitzroy, a
she yawned YEARLY, f'there isn't any
thing to occupy ones mind now. ~
made toilet cushions and tides, and en-
broidered slippers and painted majolic
jars until I'm weary of life. I belies
III go down into the kitobsn and watc
Jane make bread. I Suppose / ought |
know how many pinta of yeast it take
to loaf I" And she penetrated the bu
mess part of the house, only to find sos
I that bread was ''raised" from the baker
cart.-NesV Hagen Register,
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05
Oririn Of the Word Roorback.

Nathan Guilford, once a well-known
citizen of Cincinnati, was an active wing
politician, and editor Of aIl energetic
Wing paper. On April !, Of certain
year, he published circumstantlal nc
count of experiments by a German
chemist named Roorback. Roorbaek
had been examining the chemical con
stituents Of eggs of different birds, sup
posing it might be possible at last 70
compound a hatchable egg. According
10 the story, after putting many OF hls
manufac tured eggs to the animal heat q
different patient mothers, he at last
happily succeeded in Matching one egg
and produced living bird. The story
then goes on to describe very minutely
the strange creature, anatomically
physiologicaIly and every other way,
initiating the scientific style used II
similar cases. The story read very well
and was copied into many other papers,
and. after going the rounds Of the pres
in all parts Of the United States, II wa
at last (after three on four months) aus
covered to have been first published OF
the 1st Of April.
The Cincinnati Enquirer (Democrai
ic1 Immediately fixed upon blI. Guiltor
the name Of Roorback, which was there
after held to mean q political lial
although the story had nothing to q
with politics. Being well stuck to, "a
name at last became pretty well nxes
and Mr.. Ct. was for many years we @
known ID the political field AZ "
Roorback.
! pRopphD hairpins bring more vofn'
i - -s.- I-..sls. Thar, ALI Aha SarnaQu8
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05
a LITTLE oRUroH.

A wldow-she had only one,
A puny and decrepit son;
But day and night,
Though fretful oft, and weak and small,
Allowing child, he was her ALL.
The widows mite,
The widows mite -ay, 30 sustained
She battled onward, nor complained,
Though friends were fewer;
And, while she toiled for daily fare,
A little crutch upon the stair
Was music to her.
Isaw her then-and now see
That, though resigned and cheerful, she
Has sorrowed much.
She has He gave IT tenderly--
Much feith; and carefully laid by
Alittle crutch.
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05

DRorpzD hairpins bring more women
10 their kneez than all the sermons IN
ths world,
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05

WDows over so cannot marry again
IN Portugal. III this country widows
never get oyer 30,
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05

WarN boy walks with girl as
though be were afraid some one would
see him, the girl Is his sister, II he
walks SO close to her az to nearly crowd
her against the fence, she is the sister Of
some one else.
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05

Z SsUFF takers very seldom have head
colds, because the membranes become
fhickened. - sgE 4 "
The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-08-05
How voItaire Cured the Decay Of His
Stomach.

In the sMemoirs Of Count Segrr"
there is the following anecdote: my
mother. the Countess de .Segur, being
asked by Voltaire respecting her health,
told him that the most painful feeling
she had arose from the decay In her
stomach and the difficulty Of finding any
kind Of aliment that it could bear. Vol
taire, by way of consolation, assured her
that he was once for nearly year in
the same state, and believed to be in
curable. but that nevertheless very
simple remedy had restored him. 1t
consisted in taking no other nouIishment
than yollzs of eggs heated up with the
flour Of potatoes and water" Though
this circumstance concerned SO extraor-
dinary a person as Voltaire, it is aston
ishin9 how little it is known and how
rarely the remedy has been practiced. Its
efficacy. however, in cases of debility,
can NOT be questioned, and the follow
ing is the mode OF preparing this yalu-
able article of food as recommended by
Sir John Sinclair: Beat up an egg in q
bowl and then add six tablespoonfuls Of
cold water, mixing the whole well to
oether: then add two tablespoonfuls oi
farina of potatoes; let it be mixed thor
ouehly with the liquid in the bowl.
Then pour in as much boiling water as
will convert the whole into Jelly, and
mix il well. 1t may be taken alone Oh
with the addition Of little milk in case
of stonachic debility or consumptive
disorders. The dish is light and easily
dicested, extremely wholesome and
nourishing. Bread or biscuit may b'
taken with it as the stomach get
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1881-09-24
READ THE FOLLOWING INTERESTING
STATEMENT OF THIS DISCOVERY:

Celery has only come into public notice within the
last few years rs a ~neryine, but ~scieHtihc expert
ments and experience have proved beyond a doubt
that 1t controls irritation and periodic nervous and
sick headaches TO n remarkable degree.
But a combination OF the EXTRACT OF CELERY
AMI CHAMoMILE. which has been but recently In
troduced to the profession aud the public by myself,
has produced such marvellous results I'm curing ner-
yousness and headaches, and especially nervous and
sick headaches, neuralgia, indigestion, and ~sleepless-
ness, that it has excited public attention and news
paper comments, and therefore give the following
information to the public to avoid answering hun
dreds Of letters Of inquiry about them.
Ny CELERY n C~HAMOMILE PILLS, for the
cure of headache and nervousness, are prepared un-
der my supervision, and arc INTENDED expressly to
cure headache, neuralgia, Indigestion, sleeplessness,
aud neryousness, aud viii cure any case where no
organic disease OF the brain or spinal cord EXITS.
Hundreds Of cases Of many years. standing have
been cured. No mater how chronic or obstinate
the case may be, a permanent cure IL morally GER
tain. This statement Is made afler years of sxpe-
rience In their use In the general practice Of medl-
eipe.
These pills are also valuable for school children
who suffer from nervous headaches, caused by an
oyerworked brain IN their studies, and for all
classes Of hard brain-workers. whose osertaxed
nervous centres need repair and sedition. Nervous
tremor, weakness, and paralysis are being daily
cured Oy these pills. They correct cosiiVeness, but
are not purgatlye.
Directions on each box. Price 80 cents, or six
boxes for $3.50, postage free 10 any address. No
order hned unless accom- panied by the money. For
sale by all wholesale aud retail druggists. Depot.
No. 100 North Euiaw street, Baltimore, Md.
an 27-eodlw
The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1881-09-24

Mr. a. B~roaddus, editor OF The rage
Courier tCozlifl9Dislb nns gone 10 hansas
on 9 i've weeks visit.
gsrfet @. 8ooch, Of Stsuniott. has lust
sold . form near CoyipgtoD for Slo,VVV casa
for which be paid 5000.
r LYScHBuaa, va, September p AWalier
4 ecruvyF, Of Afbemsrie, was kiiiea hefe
TO-DAY by the accidental discharge OF 9 gun
ia his " hands. He bad been bunung'
A, correspondent Of The Fincasile Herafd
saws : YTbe Southwestern o . 10 advocacy
Of our Cause is already Q success. Inc
greetings of lbe people show that sIcIofy Is
In The air. Converts are pouring 10 u.s.
and ,he good work goes bravely on"
The Richmond and Allegheny railroad,
the construction OF which was begun sep
tember 2, 1880, - now complete anu oeIug
onerated through to Williamson. q distance
Of 23I miles. This Is probably the most
exbedicious work OF the kind ever zone ~
the South incdStie Herald.
ssI cannot vote the Malone Ticket sara
n promInent Republican Of this county 10
ms the other day, sand i shall vote LOT
Daniet.v he added. II the other couuties
Of Virginia will give Daniel as wholesome
a sunport as this county win, why Resd-
justment will breathe its last In November
Suyru COUNTY Herald.