The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-02-25
HE KNEW HOW TO TRAVEL.
A Railroad Incident I'm the Life Of .
Humortaf.

= AntAACnN IN Nht Lie OF
HumoTist.
We were rumbling merrily along TO
Putnam, Connecticut, when the new
man got on. think he got on at Wal
pole. He carried a valise, a blanket
rolled up in a shawl strap, a cane, an
umbrella and book. He wore a plaid
suit and a silk hat, and a polo cap was
rolled up in his ulster pocket. In one
Of them, that is, for they were legion.
He carried his wax matches in a little
pocket on his right cuff, his little case
OF gentle cigarettes in a little pocket
just below the handkerchief pocket; his
card case in a little pocket near the right
hip, then there were three other unas-
signed pockets on the right breast and
two other mysterious pockets IN the left
side OF his ulster. Then / think there
were two pockets on the back OF that
wonderful garment, Just below the
shoulders, but / will not be positive.
His ulster was belted in with a belt that
might have done duty on the big pulley
in a saw mill. He parted his beard in
the middle, combed his hair low on his
forehead, was very broad across his
back, and had a voice as big as his
ulster. He paused beside me and looked
down at me.
This seat occupied, sirP"
And he said sir like a regular army
officer, with an impressive pause be-
tween it and the rest of the sentence, a
pause just about as long as the regular
army officer usually occupies in saying
"bless YOU" or words to that indirect
effect.
mo, sir,"I said, timidly, and then
with a feeble attempt at cordially, l
added, "sit down, sir"
Sir" said the new man, 81 intend
to Igenerally find a seat if the car is
crowded, or tell people what l think
about it,"
And then he sat down, partly on the
seat and partly in my lap, crushing me
up against the window. He put his silk
hat in the rack aad the polo cap down
over his manly brow; he stood his a
and umbrella up in my end of the seat
and set his valise upon my feet. Then
he folded his arms 80 that one of his
great elbows jqmmed itself into my
cheek. and then he looked comfortable.
Once in q while he would suddenly feel
in bis pocket for something, and every
time he did so, that elbow went cruising
up and down my ribs like a street
crusher.
In one of these sudden disturbances l
ventured, with a feeble effort at timid
sarcasm, TO hope that didn't incom-
mode himp"
mo, sir!" said the new man, with
considerable italics; no, sir; I'd let
you know very quickly if you did, sir.
I'd tell you what l thought about it,"
Presently he took out his little cigar.
cite case, and a neat little meerschaum
holder and made preparations for the
comfort Of a smoke, but the brakeman
touched his shoulder and told him he
must 60 forward to the smoking car.
"Isn't this the smoking carp" yelled
the new man, nearly grinding me to
powder as he turned to face the brake
man.
"No, SIR" replied that functionary,
very airily; this is a ladies' car"
"Well by jove," said the new man,
81 took it for the smoking car, and not
q very nice one at that. 1t looks like a
smoking car, and the people in it like
the people | generally find in a smoker"
And then he ground around toward
me again and said:
"I'm an old traveller, and when i
don't like anything | tell what think
aboutit. That is where you'll generally
find me-"
| wanted to say something smart, but
somehow or other | couldn't think Of
any thing very appropriate just then,
so / held my peace, and nerved my
wrath against not only the new man,
but the fat passenger, whom | could
hear behind me making pleasant re-
marks about my position. By-and-bye
we stopped at some station where there
was a great Concord stage waiting, and
the new man was one OF the first passen-
gers to rush out, saying he would have
a box seat or they'd hear what he
thought about it.
Well, l guess he got it. He was
climbing up over the forward wheel,
roaring at the apathetic driver to TAX
his valise, when the train started and
the noise frightened the horses, andthey
made a plunge. The new man stepped
on the wheel and was thrown headlong
on the ground, swapping his umbrella
and a n in the spokes of the wheel as
he fell. His hat rolled of, his valise
fell in front of the wheel, which passed
over it, and two or three men, makinga
rush for the horses, stepped on his hat.
l couldn't get my window up in time to
cheer, but the sad passenger got his
head out, and as the train moved off the
crowd around the coach and the new
man was thrilled by a tender, lnsinua'
ting voice, that came singing back from
the a window with q melancholy in
tonation;
"I say, tell 'em what you think about
"a ~ D..L.ofo. HospLauo