The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1881-01-18
cORRALED cuTESEss.
HIIaFiry of the Third soEE-A Brisk
MeeIipE.

AllaFttS OF inc EniFd h0Ese-A HFilk
hssIipg.
The political outcasts, men without re.
ligiOp, money or baggage, who are the
guides Of free lunch routes, and who
are the products Of . modern civil
ization, met at Veteran Hall last
evening, composing q body politely
called the Third House, but vulgarly
termed haw.ssters.' The hall wRl
filled from pit to dome-that ia, it would
have been had there been any dome
and an Ominous silence was commanded
by Speaker Hsssler, q patent right wit, "a
he swung sauer kraut maui and raised
an eruption on the washstand by q too
vigorous tap. The racket was opened
without any preliminary warning and the
medicine was administered for one icon.
secutive hour and hall" the customary
inteImission being dispensed with on asus.
pension Of the rules, that mild maniac,
]. Cob Kemple, fabricated his Jaws and
sung solo in an intensely sympathetic
voice oil great volume, OnCe or twice he
failed on the upper register, but hia fats
were in excellent condition and his trilla
took the house by storm. During the
lucid intervals enjoyed by this gentleman
the house was entertained by recitatiye
strain 10 which the standing committees
OF the body were Gremated in the fiery
utterances Of the fat boy.
Alter 1.-THE sids'splitting farce" who
occupied the Speakers chair, had crushed
Jake's brains out with one voCiierous
swing oil the kTRut maui, some irresponsi
BILE cannibal arose and, RuawinG at the
real estate under his finger nails, chapted
the election returns as received by the
muzzled mango at the Clerks desk, BY
these returns Sargent was elected
Shiek OF this sunny cline by
1900 fraudulent and double.barreled
ballots. When the hush that precedes the
fall OF a feather had deepened into the
bass OF the OWLS boot, something with
clothes on It tottered ON the scene and had
its brief strut, A wild scene Of demolition
followed the subsidenCe oil the "What was
it," and peace soon Ieigntd again after
Warsaw. The thing" however, got Up
again-the "side.splitting farce" we be-
lieVe, recognizing 1t under the nom de plume
Of "the Observation-Disclosures ksoi.
reedy."
What's in a nRms2 A thorn by any
other nose would smell as sweet. The
Chair, in its most idtotiC manner cheer.
fully announced that the "what was IL"
had the floor, and must not yield unless
come one knocked him out OF time. AT
this crisis wall went up from
the lunatiC asylum over in corner
for an appropriation OF 5000 900
seSterces for improving tie Aimen.
tary canal. A Chinese junk shop tl,pped
ita wings when 1t heard this shrek fNr
liberty and offered a resolution-a bottle
St. Jacobs oil, well creased. Three thou.
sand copies Of this death dealing potion
were ordered printed in apple butter tints
with lace borders and Chagrin trimmings.
The bowling mob then went into joint
resolution for the purpose Of selecting a
Senator. The idiots were invited 10 as.
sassinate their friends in plain English,
and the orstory and intelligence Of the
members was then thrown upon the
tender merciss Of the meragsrle
Diogenes and several. other Ohio
men were waylaid, and some
epitAphs pronounced upon them, after
which the services closed with brief ex.
hortation from the "Bide.splitting farce 7"
and Calliope solo by Tommy Dromedary.
The IA, ia, was moved at 0 O'Clock, aud
unanimously jeered ct. They meet again,
Time and place, caucus secret.