Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1881-08-18
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

@ Bubpchdcr % his pants.
Man wants but little here below and
he can get that quickest by advertising.
Cabbage heads are solid, which is
considerably more than some men can
say for Themselves.
The name Silence appears in the new
Boston directory. 1t must belong 10
one Of the masculine gender.
A firm advertises Bathing Suits
We knew that long ago. 1t suits the
majority, especially in summer.
The world Of foolr has such a store
That be who would not zec an a--.
Mus; bilc At home and bolt HE door
And break hi- looling-glAss.
What does woman care who wrote
the declaration that made us free, 20
long as she can get hustle for fifty
cents.
The Washington Critic says the storm
that took the roofs Off the houses in that
city didn't take of the mortgages by
any means.
A man who had tried nearly every
thing and failed became a shoemaker
and progpered. He said he was bound
TO be successful al the last.
Another ell-planned attempt to take
the life Of the czar has just been frus-
trated. An American cucumber was
found in bis morning mail.
/, was 4 funny little boy who, when
be saw a daifyman feeding his COWS salt,
said hc thought they didn't salt the
butter till after It was churned.
An exchange thinks that the funniest
thing concerning a picnic is thinking
abou; it before you start. The next
funniest thing is congratulaiing yourself
when it is over.
A man can drive a hog four miles
along a country road with broken-down
fences, and keep his temper; but when
IT comes to putting on a pair Of kid
gloves that's too much
She asked him what she should get Tor
supper, aud he said he didn't care, 20
that j, was light one. But when she
put on the table a plentiful supply Of
lighted candles he couldn't see the
joke.
Two persons out Of every million OF
our population is the average that arc
killed by lightning strokes annually.
Iiia ism a very high rate, but the un-
certainty as TO which two. makes it very
ticklish business to lean against tree
in thunderstorm.
Hi where did you get them troa-
sers 2 asked an Irishman of a man who
happened TO be passing with remark
ably short pair Of trousers. 81 got
them where they grow" was the indig.
nant reply. "Then. by my conscience"
, said Pat, you've pulled them a year
too soon :"
If you want TO get the reputation Of
knowing a heap, do as Professor Proc.
tor does. He guesses what happened
three or four million years ago, and pre-
diets what is to happen Is, ,O0O, 900 years
hence. II is only few years since be
commenced, and now he can get credit
at any grocery.
She was dashing and flirty. and when
she said her father was a broker and
, was connected with one of the leading
railroads in the country, all the men at
the watering place were after her.
They didn't discover until the end of
the season that her paternAl relative
broke the trains
When n woman barns her finger she
cries little over il, and keeps the burn
in good condition 10 show her husband
when he comes home. and get sympa-
thy. A man in the same condition will
stick his digit in his mouth, kick over
the Office stool, swear at the boy and
forget all about it. One is the effect of
love: the other OF business.
!, A pretty style of hair-dressing for the
= morning, says fashionable journal
"is to wave oil the hair We agree
/ with the above. In the morning It il
no. only pretty bat useful fashion
for women to snatch all their hair of
the bach of The chair, where II has re-
/ posed during the night, and wave il
7 around the room TO chase ont the flies.
A wasp fund in the Yosemite VALLEY
: measured six inches from tip to tin of
wings and carried in its grip.sack :
iavelin three inches long. II that over.
grown wasp were 10 come East and see
how finently wasp only an inch long
: can ascend the trousers leg Of small