Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-08-31
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

l. lNE dulIldlS-UrOuQu mice.
A COAL dealer calls his dog Bitumen.
ANOTHER star-route-The milky way.
The tone of the British press-Glads-
tone.
A GREEN grocer One that credits
everybody.
We are acquainted with an economical
butcher who saves his quarters in an ice
box.
LIZ smoker were to chew up his cigar
and swallow it, that would be a cigar
cite, wouldn't it?
WHEN paper begins to call itself an
organ you may know there is q
'Scrank " attached to it.
A. FRUIT dealer advertises peaches bv
the basket-every basket warranted-but
is wisely silent about the peaches.
SARATOGA gets 10000 letters a day,
and no one wants to be postmaster these
days.
| A NEW song is entitled Between the
Green Corn and the Gold" It should
be sung in husky ce.-LoaOeW C5ti-
zen.
A HoMELY young girl has the consola-
tIOn OF knowing that If she lives to be
forty she'll be a pretty old girl.
Post.
WHEN New Orleans man wanted his
picture In q heroic attitute, the artist
painted him in the act of refusing to
drink.-Boston Transcript.
OUR exports increased nearly eight per
cent. last year. That is what we want.
LESS sports and more ex-sports.
Transcript.
Now is the time when even the poor
newspaper man gets a chance to handle
cool million-a COO watermillion.-
TEXAS Sittings.
"SM1TH," said Brown, "there's for
tune in that miner 1T know" said
Smith, '@I've put my fortune in itp'-
Philadelphia San.
WHEN a married woman buys pug
dog for price, she gets a. bargain, and
her husband gets something to boot
SonaerUilie Journal.
THERE is a good deal of human
nature In clothes wringers. An Altoona
girl had her hand badly squeezed by
.-Phil0delpbi0 NeaOs.
A P1TTsBURa judge has just decided
that insanity is not sufficient grounds
for a divorce-that every man is liable
to become insane after marriage. Troy
Times.
The fellow whose new suit was too
small was told by his tailor that it
would soon become big enough, if
worn, as it is proverbial that habits
grow on a man.
CrJGINNATI has founded a {" Home . for
widows who have no intention of accept
ing second offer. It is hoped that at
least two rooms will be occupied,-De-
troit Free Press.
If you want to employ Whitewater,
contract with him to whitewash the
floors, the furniture, and everything but
the ceiling. Then he may get some
whitewash on the ceiling. Post.
MALARIA" said the Old Orchard
Beach landlady, swell, no, we haven't
got it,; folks hain't asked for it, but we'll
get it for your family. "-Lake Pleasant,
Mass. NeaUs.
THE Cleveland preacher took for his
text: aHe giveth his beloved Sleep
And then he said, as he glanced around,
that the way his congregation had work
ed itself into the affection of the Lor
was amazing.
AN Indian idol y was recently
ploughed up in Woodbury., and they
don't know whether it's god or devil.
If it has handle on and holds about
two gallons, it's a Woodbury. god
Canaan NeaOs.
A CARD-sHARPER sat down beside the
governor Of Nebraska on railroad car,
the other day, and offered him a fair
whack-up to help "work the train. A
governors face should not give him
away in this manner. r. Detroit Free
Press.
JNKs' parents live up III Buffalo and
have to send him money every month to
keep his landlord from evicting him.
links, in writing back his gratitude,
always begins, "My Dear Payments. .
Louisville COotrier-JOatrn0l
TRAVELLER" How do you brokers
manage to undersen the railroad compa-
nies?" Scalper "VelI, you see, We
don't got SO much expenses. Dose rail-
road fellers hat to keep up the rolGn'
stock an pay re hands. We don't. It's
clear profit wit us I"
A YOUNG lady who had ordered home
a pair of unusually high-heeled boots
was flushed by the announcement by
Bridget, fresh from answering the door
bell: eff ye PLACE, miss, there's man
in the hall with pair of sthilts for yez. -
Fig Leaf Fashion.
"I'M sorry to have to say it of a wo-
man at her time of life, Mr.. Brudderly,
but as we're talking confidentially now,
| TIL confess nv wife uses powder"
''Lucky man, innocently returned Mr..
B.; g if Mrs. Brudderly ever felt that
way toward me, she'd use dynamite. >
Brooklyn Eagle.
The most beautiful feature about the
American system of baggage checking IS
found in the fact that the passenger is
made to carry in his pocket piece of
railroad property that would otherwise
share in the general destruction gener-
ated by the baggage smasher. Boston
Transcript.
WHEN he returned to his seat IN the