The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-05-05
partetU.
VARIETY SCRAPS.
Who ever heard a barrel whoop ?

Who ever heard barrel whoopP
A Hair-brush-A race between the rabbits.
1t don't take very fast horses to catch the cpl.
zootic
TITS all up with u.s." as the cups In the grain
elevator said.
an take cabinet position" as the spiritual
istic medium said
"Ive bill to present." said the snow.blrd,
when looking for his breakfast.
The deaf man who had a scolding wife re.
msrked "Man wants bet little hear below"
1t is very mean to qsk man whose wife Is a
8hrew, If It is hot or II 1t scold enough for him.
The cid gentleman OF sixty who was taken in
by the confidence game had evidently arrived at
a green old age"
"Puck" speaks Of a Western New York man
who cures all diseases by immersion In cold
water, and calls him "CanslDpath."
Full many maid has toyed with kerosene,
And sailed to glory in gorgeous glare
Full many man has poked to glycerlne,
And few promiscuous through the desert air
During The war" says an exchange, France
produced no Marshal Murat" And yet she ate
cavalry horses enough to have produced even a
martial neigh.
AS time 10 always represented as a bald headed
old gentleman, with scythe and hour.glass, we
suppose the man who took time by the forelock
pulled 1t Off
schpend sOmeding leGS as vot you earns;
Pay all der notes ven dey comes due;
Don'd you forgot Won half you learns
Nor bite off dwice Votyou can chew.
Texas man got mad because waiter handed
him napkin the other day He said he "reok.
oned he know'd when to use handkerchief
without havln no hints thrown out"
"What decoration Is that you are wearinpY"
said an Austrian sergeant to a new recruit.
The man blushed deeply and responded; ut isa
medal our COW won at the cattle show"
"Ill pass the butter" as the fellow said to him,
self as he SHE'D around ram in the pasture lot.
"Ill butt the passer," as the ram remarked, exc.
cutting flank movement on the luckless wight,
Somebody says that kissing Is like seven.up.
True, it's game in which you never pass.-Bos.
ton Courier. But it's a game In which you often
get one, you know.-Philadelphia Transcript.
And In which you sometimes beg in vain.
You shall know the matron from the maiden In
London by her fan. Fans Of 81 ort feathers are
used by the former, and plush fans, hand.paint.
ed in water colors, by manageable girls. Over
here you can tell them by the hand painting, too.
This is getting to be we'll padded world.
They are horse pads, foot. pads, hip.pads, liver.
pads back pads, kldney.pads, lung pads and
stomach pads, and 1t is expected that somebody
will get up pad for bald heads. As the Dutch.
man might say, Dis ia too pad"
An old lady visiting the Antiquarian Museum,
II Edinburg the other day, inspecting the old
weapons very earnestly, and failing 10 hnd what
she was apparently looking for asked visitor II
he could tell her where they kept the ak Of the
Apostles
Mother what Is an angel2"
IAN angelH Well an angel is a being that
hies,"
But, mother, why does papa always call my
governesS an angel 2"
well" exclaimed the mother, after moments
pause, she's going to fly Immediately"
Fanny Davenport is having dress made Of
glass, to wear on the stage. 1t is just our luck
We got near sighted over year ago. But some
Of these fellows that can see we'll enough will get
fooled for the dress is to be Of ground glass;
He took her little hand in his;
She turned away to blush.
He gently said: "My darling, don't
You love the evenings hush 2
The dark ming shadows in the glen,
The red suns dying flush 2"
"0l George" sh emurmured, soft and low,
"DO!e up on That gush,"
Dean Swift was once dining with family In
which the mAtron boasted Of the number Of cen.
turtles in which the magical prefix "de" had been
the rIghtful property Of her ancestors. The Dean
heard the tedious and oft.tod tale to the end and
then delivered his opinion Of all that sort Of non.
sense by saying, Madam, will you kindly help
me to another piece Of de.umplirgH"
The following epitaph is respectfully dedicated
to the reckless:
Here lies man whose crown was won
BY blowing In an empty gun.
No sooner in the gun he blew,
Than up the gtlien stair he few,
And met the girl on heavens green
Who lit the FIRE with kerosene
Oh, dearl" exclaimed a young lady entering
public hall the other evening, "what o dreadful
odor Of carburetted hydrogenl" "MumH" said
the janitor, with puzzled countenance. "The
smell Of the carburetted hydrogen" he explain.
ed. "That's no kind O. gin, num-" replied the
janitor: that's garss; the pipes is leaky, num-"
Secretary Evarts tells an anecdote about John
Marshall, who, when fellow passenger in the
stage coach, exclaimed;
I've are near the birthplace OF Patrick Henry;
how could he fail to be an orator VIII n born
amid this grand scenery2"