The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1881-05-20

1
Ere the little play is ended, with the coming
of the May.
Dora Read Gooda'e, in the Erdnget'sf'
MRS. TRUMPEr'S TELESCOPE.
Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet moved
through life's various scenes like cata-
pult, a battering ram, an eighty-one-
ton gun, thunderbolt, or anything that
is the embodiment of all-conquerlnS
force.
She was a widow. Fifteen years ago
she had been Miss Mainwaring, with
plenty of good blood in her veins but no
money in her purse. Benjamin Thurs6y
Trumpet, ESQ.,, a Bristol merchant,
sprung from the gutter, and, worth
heap of money, "came" ana "saw
Miss Mainwaring, and was soon
quered." He proposed for her; she &C
cepted his money. In three weeks Time
she was Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet. She
became rich, and rare were the gems
she wore; but D, that vulgar husband!
With all her eccentricities, she was
lady: and O, that husband! Mrs. Main
waring Trumpet learned the lesson that
others have learned before her-that you
can not sell yourself and have yourself
at the same time. Well, she fetched
handsome price, and, to DO her lustlce'
she did not grumble much.
BENJAMIN Thursby Trumpet-like Mr.:
Bounderby in Hard Times Loved
to talk of his origin, and how he rose
from nothing, leaving the audience TO
infer what Clever, hard-headed fellow
he must be. But he grew too fcnd OF
this practice, and one day, when ne nad
been riding his hobby pretty hard, q
wag, upon his leaving the room, caught
up his visiting card, and reading the IN:
itials aloud-ss B. T. Trumpet ''-called
him on the spot Mr.. Blow the Trumpet.
The name stuck. Two months after she
was married loving friend said to the
bride:
"Do YOU know they nickname your
husband Mr.. Blow the Trumpet"
The bride broke into laugh; the
shaft OF such malice could not harm
her, She rather enjoyed it; and the
friend had to search her culver for an
other arrow.
"And they do say-you don't mind
of course. dear-that he has met hi
. match, and that you are Mrs. Blow thu
Trumpet. Horribly low, call it, dear
Don't you?'
The bride nearly tainted with indig
nation, and for the first and only tim
in her life needed smelling salts. Sh'
was not half so excited on the memora
Bile night when her husband was foun'
sitting in his dining room over his port
quite dead. She pronounced it apoplex.
at a glance, sent for the doctor and flew
about the house with brandy and basin
of mustard poultices and hot fannels
reminding ali who saw her in some mex
plicable way of fire engine MAXIM
its way to an exciting conhagrauon
But she did not faint, and never aske
for an much as q Whit out of smeliin
bottle. 'H % st.
Thus did Miss Mainwaring becom
Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet, widow, wit
a large fortune all her own. The vulga
husband was gone" mercnuiiy y
leased, my dear, . the widow would say
though what it was from except he
selfVno one could have told. o And y
Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet was not hal
py. Who ise She wanted to get rid
this dreadful name, Mrs. Blow tt
Trumpet. How should she manage il
Apply to the Queen for patent? MIR
Mainwaring Trumpet bethought her
an easier, more agreeable. and mo-
economical way. !.
The rector Of her parish was . Wi
over, tall, lank, gloomy, and alwa!
wearing q comforter. An ordlnal
hedgestake, neatly dressed in cleric
attire, with white wooden wrapping
the upper end, surmounted' by q bla'
hat. might have passed for the Rev. A
thur Arrowsmith at very short dl
tance. Mr.. Arrowsmith was powerf
preacher, and in common life graV
vet apt at times to be seized with XII
of grim humor, of which the sign Won
be q series of violent inhalations. The!
in an ordinary being, would have 9
noted the onset of q fit, but with N
Arrowsmith only meant that his fan
was tickled. He had been twice mi
r;ed. His first wife had f1O.OOO, q
she lived ten wears. He became tret
gloomy for the space of eighteen montl
and ALWAYS had an allusion in his 8
mons to the grave where ones heart "
Wing. Suddenly he cheered up q
married another lady, this time "
EGO. 600. and his SERMONS began to
lude to the possibilities OF comfort q
are provided for even the greatest 8
rows. The second Mrs. Arrowsmi
however, held out better than her p
decessor, and it was twenty years BET
her relict found himself raking up
old illusions to the quiet grave ana
people who are there. And now N
lrrowsmith the second had been d
for eighteen months clear, and Mr..
rowsmith, thinking once more OF con
lation, fixed his eyes on Mrs. Mainw
ing Trumpet. His eyes were not mi
to look at, being deep-set and MOI