Daily Republican., 1881-08-11
IN A JOCULAR VEIN.
Humorous Var Orings OF the News.
paper Wit.

IN A FOCULAK VEIN.
Humorous Var Orings Of the Nows
paper Wit.
A CONSIDERABLY DIFFERENCE.
One of the lumber dealers in thi:
State has for the past three years beer
supplying a dealer at Albany. For tht
first year everything went well, but a
length the Albany man begin to com
plain. He found shortage and culls ir
every car load sent him and demanded
discounts therefor, and this spring i,
was impossible to please him. Nc
matter how carefully lumber and
shingles were cuiled and billed here he
was sure to write back that they were
not up to the standard.
| Two weeks ago carload of "star''
shingles was sent to him.
The "star" shing,e beats anything
made in the country and they knew it
at Albany as well as in Michigan, but
as soon az the car arrived the dealer re.
piled that he really must protest. The
shingles were hardly ''clear butts, and
he could not unload the car until assur-
ed of a discount Of 25 cents per thou
sand.
The Michigander had suffered long,
but the end was drawing nigh. He had
inspected every bunch OF shingles on
that car, and be made up his mind to
go to Albany and inspect them over
again.
The dealer there had never seen him,
and tire Wolverine walked into his Office
as a would-be purchaser of some extra
fine shingles.
W've got exactly what you waut,"
promptly replied the Albanian. "Ig got
a carload of Michigan 'stars" out here
! which lay over any shingle you ever
| saw"
care they all perfect?"
"Every one of them"
'Sure there are no culis in the centre
OF the bnnches?"
"I'll eat every Gull you find. l got
them from u Michigander who is as
straight az the Ten Commandments,
| Second-class stuff. Come out and look
at them"
The Wolverine quietly pulled out his
card aud laid it on the desk.
The de,ler took it up. read the name,
and sat down on a stool with queer
feeling in his knees. There was an aw-
tul silence as they glared at each other,
and it was a full minute before the vic
| tim slowly extended his hand and
hoarsely whispered:
"Did you ever see a man make such
an Internal ass or himself? Shake!"
Easy LESSONS IN NATURAL HISTORY,
THE POET.
"And what have We here >"
"This, my little girl, is a poet"
"IndtedI l have always ionged no to
see y poet is he fsrocious?'
ooh no; he is gentle,-a gentle
poet.
"What wild, odd look he has in his
eye"
eyes, but he has not been eating GU.
cumbers it is poetic genius You ace in
his eye"
"Why does he wear his hair 80
I long? ?"
"He has been too poor to have it cut
this spring.
"is this poet Bsthetic?"
"Ah yes he is very extremely utter
ly utter. But you will notice that he
cannot exist on departed memories
without getting as thin as boarding.
house pie"
"What does he eat ?''
"He is not over particular he can
sup un cold m onbeam or dish of
hash. Generally, however he prefers
the hash.
"What does the poet most desire 2"
ole most desires fame,-and a new
pair of pants. If he has the pants he
can wait for the fame, and if he has the
fame he can do very we'll without the
PANTS; without either he is unhappy"
'1s fame a nice thing for poet to
have?"
"Whi'e he is alive, fame is a very ex-
celleut thing for poet tn have; but it
is not much use to him after he has
been dead hundred years"
"Can anybody be poet ?'
"Nu, bht anybody can try. A great
many do try, but large majority never
get any nearer being poet than at
tempting to rhyme 'eventide' with
"sweat consummatihn.'
"Do poets die young ?"
eyes many that have light whiskcrs
dye young-hut let ns pass on to The
next cage aud see the great unterritied
hotel ERIK
COMET OE SPEECH,