The Osceola times., 1881-03-26
The Forty Liars.
Bill Nye.

Bill Nye.
At regular annual roundup of tn
Rocky Mountain Division of the Inde
pendent Order Of Forty Liars on Satur
day evening the most noble prevaricato
having directed the chest tester TO ex
anime all present TO see that they wer,
in possession of the annual password
explanations and signal and to report I,
the most noble promoter of twenty-seyeI
karat falsehoods whether all were $,
qualified TO remain, and the report hav
ing been satisfactory the most noble pre-
varicator announced that after the repor
of the custodian of campaign lies for th,
past year and the annual statements o
the division bartender and most nobl'
beer yanker had been handed in an,
passed upon, the next business to com,
before the division would he the nomin
ations and election of most noble preyaf
icator to serve during the year 1881.
"Under the rules of our order," sal,
the NJ. n. p, "ten minutes will be givel
to each aspirant for the Office named il
which to address the meeting. 1t is un
derstood that the time shall be devote,
to short anecdotes, personal reminis
cences. etc, and the brethren will b,
glNfll dlllIlf Ntbit W hHpD
details which the subject may suggest
Our usual custom is TO devote at leas
one hour to this highly entertaining ex
ercise, and call to mind now some
the most enjoyable moments of my lif
spent in listening to others or in con
structing for the amusement of others
few of the most entertaining and instruc
tive falsehoods that the history of on
most noble order has known.
I'VE have several prominent yisitin
members here from other parts of tn
country, among whom | am gratiiied I,
name Brother Eli Perkins, Brothe
O'Keefe Of Pixies Peak, and Brother
Morey and Barnum from the East, VIII,
will address the meeting perhaps for
few moments after other business ha
been disposed Of
After singing the opening ode, accom-
panied 10y the Tyre, the usual order 0
business having been attended to, tn
addresses of aspirants for the office Of NJ
| y. p. of the Rocky Mountain divisio
were called for.
The last speaker wa Brother Jededial
{ Holcomb, who thus addressed the Assem-
( blage:
Most Noble Preyaricator of the Rock
Mountain Division of Forty Liars ant
Brethren of the Orler-Nany years ago
when ! was mere stripping, as it were
and Just upon the verge of manhood S
/ To- speak, was sitting on the green gras
south Of Chicago, near where DreXe
boulevard comes into South park, think
/ ing of my hard luck and wishing that my
future might he more prosperous thar
my past
That locality was then bowling will
derness compared with what it is now
and where to-day the beautiful drive
and walks are 80 inviting there was moth
ing then but the prairie and swamp, Will
/ here and there n scrub oak tree.
Chicago was a stirring Western city
I then, but she was young aud small. She
/ had not then accumulated the fahnloui
wealth Of new and peculiar metropolitan
odors which she now enjoys, and in placd
of the rich fructifying fragrante of tha
stnck-yards there was nothing there but
the wild honey -suckle a2d the dead
horse.
"Out where some of the most beauti.
/ ful residences now stand there was noth-
ing there but the dark thistle noddingin
I the wind or the timid picuIr mmb,e-bea
ing to be gathered by the small boy.
/ "As | sat there in the long ago, and,
-hrouded in the September haze, wai
dreaming of fortunate future for my
. self, heard the muilled tread Of innu-
merable feet drawing nearer and nearer
/ 10 me. The sound was like the football
Of regiment Of infantry approaching,
and | rose 30 see what was the cause.
l Il had not long to wait, for very soon
/ there hove in sight very singular spec
tacle. First came large Illino, hog at
the head uf large column of Illinois
hogs. all marching Indian fashion, and
grunting with that gentle. glacid grunt
which the hog carries with him. On
closer examination into the singular
ph nomenon -aw that all the hogs. ex-
cept the leader, were blind. each animal
] having his predecessors tai in his mouth
/ throughout the long line, consisting of
l3,32l unfortunate sightless hogs, cheer
fully following their lcddrrtoWard water.
Il was never 80 struck with the won.
derlul instinct Of the brute creation in
my life, and my eyes filled with tears
when saw the ohildliEe faith and con
fidence of each blind animal following
with implicit trust TIE more fortunate
guide.
soon, however,a great dazzling three
cornered idea worked its way into my u-
tellect. Dashing away my idle tears, /
drew my revolver and Shot of the lead
ers tail, leaving the long line Of discon-
'erted and amless hogs in the middle of
broad prairie. with no guide but the
dephlogsiicated tail of hog who was
/ then lhree-quarters of mile away
Then ! stole up, and, taking the CORY
tail IN my hand, led the trusting plia-
lanx down to the stock wards and sold
the outfit at eight cents live weight.
This was the start of my dazzling
career as capitalist, a career 10 which
now point with pride. Thus from poor
boy with one suspender and a sore toe
nave risen to be one of our leading lms-
nes~ men, known and respected hy all.
and, by industry and eco.omv and bor-
rowing my chewing tobacco, / have come
to be one of our solid men,"
When Brother Holcombe ceased to
speak there was a painful silence of per-
haps five minutes. and then Brother
Nooduck Williams moved that the rules
DE suspended and Brother lIolcomb de-
Clared the unanimous choice of the Order
Tor Most Noble Prevaricator, to serve till
1852.
Passed.
That siop- Barrel.
4 Galveston millionaire was asked by
4