Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1881-01-20
Trite Sayings by Josh Billings.

| OAO SOuAI 1hUIuhCI
Trite Sayings by Josh Billings.
There is no sure cure for laziness, but
have known second wife to hurry up
some.
If l had IS children | would learn
them to shut the door when they went
out.
Grabs amt afraid to bite even US.
Assessor. They bite with their feet,
and also hang on like country cousin.
We also have a loose bug here called
the mosquito, whose bite is like the hind
tooth of hornet. They are very like
the commercial trade-the supply is
greater than the demand. They are
very courageous, and l have known one
mosquito to fight man and wife all
night long and then draw the first
blood.
Flies are good deal like some men.
They won't light on a sound, healthy
part of person if sore spot is near.
Human happiness is a good deal like
the wandering flea. When You put your
finger on him he amt there, and fire.
quently when you follow him where he
is he has just left.
A man who can wear paper collar a
whole week without getting it dirty is
not good for anything else.
The live man is as busy as girl with
two beaux or hernet.
Handsome men are scarce, and it is
well they are, for there is very little
power where beauty is, but there is
more vanity than i'll Il male peacock.
We have been told that an honest man
is the nOblest work of God, but l have
thought large part of the first edition
remains in the Authors hands.
l have known persons to keep house
dirty trying to keep it clean. If L had
such a wife I'd keep house travelling
round, and I'm sure she wouldn't scrub
up the hall of the United States.
Probably the best way to bring up a
boy is to travel that way yourself some
times.
l have no doubt life insurance is a
good thing, but the business part of it is
like having an undertaken call around
weekly to soc how your cough is getting
along.
There is great deal of religion in
this this world that is like a life pre-
server-Only put on occasionally.
There is no woman now stationed in
the world who fails to please more than
the average mOther-in-law. l would
rather be an old maid than mOther-in-
law. l don't expect to be either. have
seen mOthers-in-law who were as handy
to have about as Spaulding's glue.
never argue against a success. If l
see a rattlesnake's head peering from
hole, l say that hole belongs to that
snake.
L will tell you what l know about hO-
tells. Hotels are houses of refuge. Hash
is made out of cast-Off victuals, and has
done more to the human race than all
mixed food. L have seen hash that l
had nv doubts about. l watch the
landlady, and if she eats it take more
hash. Some hotels are kept on the Euro
peBn plan and others on no plan at all.
There are two peas in your rOOm-One
is broken and the other torn out. There
is match safe, and, to make it moro
safe, it has no matches. There is no
curtain in the windOw-and who wants
one? You can't see out, and who can
see in?
Falling in love Is like falling down
stairs. We cannot tell exactly how 1t is
done.
There may be a time when the lion
and the lamb will lie down together, but
| am still betting Oh the lion.
When | come across fellow that re-
members everything since 1912 feel
glad on his account, but sorry on my ae-
count.
Young man, never take the bull by the
horns, but take him by the tail and you
can let go when you want to.
A good doctor is a man to whom you
pay five dollars to tell you to eat less and
exercise more.
There is great deal of modesty in
this world that can gaze on anything
provided it can see through crack.
Young man, don't be afraid to blow
your own horn, but do SO. not in front,
but in the rear of the procession.
If a lecturer cannot bore oil in 90
minutes, it is useless to speak longer.
Marriage is fair transaction. There
are no two persons who can give a good
account why they marry. Some marry
for beauty, and therefore discover their
istake. Some marry for money, and
don't see it. Some marry to please their
relations, and are surprised to learn that
their relations don't care for them after
ward. Some marry for love. Some mar
ry to get rid of themselves, and find that
two have been playing at the same game.
Some marry twice to get even. Most
everybody gets married, and it is good
joke. Marriage is safe way to gamble.
If you win, you win a big pile; if you
lose, you doR't lose, but you lose the
privilege of turning your own stake.