Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1881-07-09
THE NEWsPAPER.
Hezekiah Jones, Editor OF the
FIapdOOdle, Draws a few
sketches from Nature.
Stenbenville Herald.


FIapdOOdIe, Draws a few
sketches from Nature.
Steubenviue Herald.
The editor of the Evening Flap
doodle set in his sanctum the other
morning, Just before beginning his
days work, and thought he had
brought his paper about as near
perfection as possible for an Ordina-
ry-sized town close to half dozen
big cities, and he was wondering
how he might further improve it,
when his cogitatiOns where inter-
rupted by an acquaintance coming
in.
"Hello, Mr.. Scissors" he faceti-
ously said, writing up editorials
with the shears, eh ?''
The editor tried to smile at the
old Joke, and the visitor went on.
al tell you what it is, Jones, you
have a pretty good paper, but what
do you want in a town like this
with long editorials ? Give us short
one7. You can't mold public senti-
ment, you must simply echo it."
Then he left, and Jones told his as
sOciate not to write any long edilO-
rails that day, al he proposed, for
once, to make the FlapdoOdle just
to suit every subscriber who want
ed change. In a half hour along
came wicked fellow who talked
newspaper a long while, and then
said he didn't see any use of Sun
day reading, nor any other religious
matter in paper, and If it was his
he would bounce it all. The editor
said nothing, but when the man
went away he told his Sunday edi-
tor not to send any matter for that
day. Then Jones rested and
thought for a few minutes, and
pious old party dropped in. AS he
knew a good deal about the bust
ness in its moral aspect, he talked
along, and at last said that no news
paper could be decent which adj
united to its columns any Sensa-
tional matter, any advertisement. s
other than the most heightened,
any slangy squibs, or anything
which could not be read without Il
blush by the most capriciOusly
fastitudes. Jones was silent, but
later he went and ordered all that
matter set aside. So far, Jones
thought he was getting things to
suit pretty well, and then another
man came in, and like the others.
knew all about the business of edit
ing paper. lie was a city pollu-
clan, and said, "Mr. Jones, you
don't have enough politics. Why
don't YOU thr1W out these farm
notes, and kitchen receipts, ana
rlH
telegraphic brevities which we get
in the other papers and give US
politics ? That's what the children
cry for" Again was Jones silent
and later gave orders for the eX-
pulsion of all this Objectionable.
matter and waited for the next one.
He came pretty soon, and he had a
coffin for a coat and shrOud for
handkerchief, and he smelt like
the dust which blows off of a skele-
ton. Said he, "Jones, like your
paper, hut what do you run that
funny business in it for? It's silly,
stale, and flatter than last years
ale with the bottle lett open. What
does a man want to laugh for any
how? This is a vale of tears and
we should always remember that
i'm the uncertainty of life death may
cut us off with an idle laugh upon
our Inns" "That's So" grOaned
Jones. I'll cut every line of fun
right out" and off he hurried and
out went all the funny business. As
he went home at noon he met Ia
DIV who said she didn't see what
they wanted TO fill paper full of
politics for, because nobody read
that. Don't they?" said Jones,
"then out she goes" and when he
got back it all went out. Pm
bound to please 'em alp said the
editor, "ifI have to buy new Of
flee" Right after dinner a man
of business prOclivities came in and
said he didn't see any use OF these
silly little personals and them short
local items that didn't amount to
ANYTHING anyway" If it was his
paper he would have something of
a higher nature or let the place go
bare. Jones listened and told the
foreman to whack out all that sort
of stuff. ut once. Then he felt east
er, till a lot of pretty girls came in,
and, after making Il purchase, ask
ed him what Il newspaper was
filled full of advertisements for /;
nobody ever read them, and one
said she was going to stop taking
the paper if he was going to fill it
up that way. Jones told the young
lady he would have a paper TO suit
every one, or rather made after the
suggestions of every one, and he
hoped she would not find fault.
Then he went and ordered out ev-
cry 'ad,' and smack and smooth,
and waited for the next man. He
came along pretty soon, and said
he could stand anything but poetry,
and that was his abOminatiOn i'm a
newspaper, and il never ought to
encounter the columns of a local
journal, because it was meant for
magazines, and that sort of papers.
Jones took it in, and went out and
ordered all his fine poetry knocked
down. Then he waited again, and
woman came in, and said the
fashion notes were no good, because
the magazines had them all in
greater quantity, and another thing
She didn't like, was the markets.
"What good was them p' she said.
81 don't know" he replied, $50 I'll
throw 'em out" 81 hope you
WILL" she answered, and went
away. In ten minutes the markets
and fashions were on the standing
galley. Jones began to look around,
and as he was studying, small
boy said to him that marriage and
death notices was mighty thin
readin,n and Jones slung them
clear out into the corner. After