The Osceola times., 1881-05-14
WAYS OF THE WORLD.

WAYS OF THE WORLD.
HAsrY people drink the nectar Of ex-
istence scalding hot.
PRIDE hath two seasons-a forward
spring and an early fall.
WHAT did the farmer say to the young
sheep that he found in his garden? 1--WE
get outn'
The man who goes into business with
the devil soon finds that his partner is
soul proprietor.
The British soldiers in South Africa
say that the inhabitants of the Trans
wal are "awful Beers"
I want to be a statesman
And with the statesmen stand;
One arm beneath my cOai-tail,
nosegay IN my hand.
1HE paragraphers having charged
Gath with lying. Gath retorts by calling
them mere paragraphers.' Now who
has the giggle.
GooD nature extracts sweetness from
everything with which ii comes in con.
tact rs the bee extracts honey from ev'
ery flower which II visits.
Is it not strange that even very SHARP
and knowing people in the country will
set out their wash-tubs to catch soft wa
ter when it is raining hard?
The New York Tribune heartlessly re,
marks: "Many dogs with women in at
tendance were conspicuous at all the
fashionable openings last week"
Il srE," said a freshman, chow one
can find out how far away the stars are
and their size. and all that. but l can't
zee how they ever found out their
names"
A MONTANA Indian, who was convicted
of murder, expressed his opinion of the
lawyer who defended him with delicious
frankness: Lawyer too much talk,
heap fool!''
A ouAog doctor heads his advertise
ment, "Ho all ye Dyspeptics" That's
Just what the dyspeptics won't do. II
they ieould all hoe vigorously, they might
not need any medicine.
A WITTY doctor, who was one of the
corps of physicians appointed to vaccin-
ate the policemen, remarked: What is
the use of vaccinailng these fellows!
They never cat III anything"
A CURIOUS person wants TO know il the
hiltStu liitA HNtiN tlhNNN Eiu- bt-
fore they die may not be in some way
interviewer with the acknowledged fact
that they never sing after they die?
''0uR chairman" said man who had
Just got home from public meeting that
had ended in a general row-"our chair
man tried to pour oil on the troubled
waters, but it all ended in turmoil"
FELLOW. CITIZENS" said a temperance
lecturer, "a few evenings ago | saw one
of your neighbors in saloon with a
sling in his hand, and the next day
saw him in the street with his hand in a
sling"
A cuRArE in England, while marry ing
a couple that came without the parents
of the bride, asked; "Who gives the
woman away" when the would-be hus-
band replied: Nobody; lam taking her
myself"
AN exchange says: "Mrs. O. Leah
Margarine has wide circle of friends in
this community whom she visits fre-
quently. Her friends consider her the
creme de Ia creme butter enemies think
differently"
"llIo any girls take part in that seren-
ade business" Che pronounced it Sarah
Nade) asked an uncouth young man of
an acquaintance, who replied "Ies,
Clari Net was in it, and you could hear
her screeeh above all the rest"
TIE King of Madagascar has intro
luced compulsory military service for
five years, none of his men being exempt
except those who are preparing for the
ministry. We look for a rush to the
theological seminaries Of Madagascar.
A MARRIED lady declined TO tell a
maiden sister any of her troubles, say
ing;
"When ignorance Is bliss, It's folly TO be WISE
Yes" replied the sister, "and I've come
TO the conclusion that when singleness
is bliss, It's folly to be wives"
A CERTAIN English general, being at
the point of death. opened his ewes, and
seeing consultation Of four physicians
who were standing close by his bedside.
exclaimed, "Gentlemen, if you fire by
platoons, its all over with me-" and in
stantly expired.
I'VE have been told" says an Iowa
editor, that fir balsam is fine emoli.
ent for external Injuries; but what we
are most interested in, as the warm
weather comes stealing on, is to learn
what fur balsam will take the place of
the seal-skin sacque as an emollient for
the inward hurts of the feminine mind" I"
THE Bells Of shandon
That sound 50 grand on
The pleasant waters
OF the RIVER Lee
Have not the pow er
At the dinner hour
OF the bell that summons
Mary Jane and Me,
--LoHjsriRc C0micr-JourRal.
"YouR services are no longer wanted
here" said coal-dealer TO new hand.
We'll, said the discharged man, "I've
been here long enough TO find out one
very astonishing thing What is
that" asked the coal-dealer. at is that
in this climate one thousand seven hum
dred pounds make n ton" was the an.
swer.
Mr.. JoHN A. DILLON, who has gone to
Mexico on business connected with the
Eads shi ip-railway scheme, is writing let
tiers back 10 the Globe Democrat. Mr..
Dillon evidently aims TO state the facts
just as they are, about the people and
the country, and in doing so he takes off
a good deal of the gloss and romance
that have gained place in the popular
mind. lie found no pretty women in
Vera Cruz, and as to the appearance and
style of dress speaks as follows:
The women are a study. Ii is Sunday
morning, and they come and 90. wor-
Shipping at the continuous masses that 20
on in the big tawdry church across the
street from our window. There are very