The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1881-11-05
road about 10 o'clock on Tuesday even:


A few moaths ago girl ran away from
home, and her father after vain search,
resorted to advertising. He described her
as ''Laura, aged Is, dressed in straw hat. y
What fix the dear girl will be 10 if that
hat should blow off
A New Jersey tobacconist, with COM
mendable frankness, advertises, "I shall
continue to keep on hand imported cigars
of my own manufacture" Equally as
candid was the dealer who advised his fe-
male customers thusly :-"Ladies wishing
these cheap shoes will do we'll to call soon
as they will not last loag." More ingeni-
us, however, was the Maryland shoe dealer
who advertised in glowing letters
~woman's Rights-and lefts.r
Elopements furnish rich field for ad-
vertising humorosities, as will be testified
by the examples given. The first is from
a rhyming genius, and runs thus:
"On the sixth of July, on the night of
Monday, eloped from her husband the wife
of John Grundy. His grief for her alb
sence each day growing deeper, should
any man find her, he begs him to-keep
her"
The next man does not "drop into poe
try" but his plea is so pathetic, so excru-
ciatingly heart-rending that it should
awaken an affirmative response in the
breast of the most faithless of wives:
"JANE-Your absence will ruin ALL
Think of your husband-of your parents
of your children. Return-return-all Il
viii be weIl-happy, at any rate inclose
the key of the cupboard where the gin is -
The Irish are almost universally ridi-
culed on account Of their numerous 'bulls. !"
Here is good specimen:
Whereas, Patrick Malone has fraudu-
lently taken away several articles Of wear
ING apparel without my knowledge, this
IS therefore TO inform him, if he does not
forthwith return the same, his name will
be made public, We would advise Mr..
Malone to accept the advice, and act ac-
cOrdingly.
la an Arkansas journal of few years
ago might have been seen the following,
which is absolutely immense for variety
| IL would seem TO meet the requirements of
almost everybody who wanted almost every
thing
WANTED-A SITUATI0N-A practi-
cal printer, who is competent to take charge
Of any department in a printing aud pub
fishing house Would accept professor
ship 10 any Of the academies. Has no
objection to teach ornamental painting and
penmanship, geometry and trigOnometry
and many other sciences. Is particularly
suited to act as pastor to small eyange-
Iical church, or as local preacher. He
would have no objection to form small
but select class Of young ladies to instruct
them in the highest branches. To den :
tist or chirop0dist he would be most inval-
liable, as be can do almost anything
Woald eheerfully accept position rs bass
or tenor singer in choir. Would prefer
20 run blaeksmiihs or shoemaker's shop
dancing 'or saw-mill. =
A listle out Of place, but interesting,
and alike extensive is the following reply
to an advertisement of musical commit
tee for "a candidate as organist, music
/ teacher etc :-"Gentlemen, | noticed
your advertisement for an orSanist and
| m usie teacher, either lady or gentleman.
Having been both for several years, | offer
/ you my services.
/ The word "Puf, now 50 widely used by
newspapers, like great many of our best
words, has French origin. Il is from
the inflated head dress, poaf, which con-
sisted in the hair being raised as high as
/ possible, the sides expanded, and ornament
ed to an unusually large degree, The
origin IS significant A little bit of truth
/ Is sometimes inflated until its size seems
portentious. An editor in Cincinnati,
recently putting air tight eofiDs, said -
"No person having once tried one of these
collins viii use any other" We are not
particular about much experience in this
line, aud hence are perfectly willing to
believe what he says.
The following amusing advertisement,
truly a mixture of rhyme aud reason. late
ly appeared in the London Times :-'Re-
quired, BY a gent near to Bromley in
/ Keat, cook, on plain cooking plainly in
tent. She need not make entrements,
sauces or jellies, that cause indigestion
and irritate-; enough if she's able to
serve up dinner that won't make her
master dyspeptie grinner. Ii asked to
bake bread, no excuse she must utter
must be able to churn, aud to make melted
butter. If these she can do-eke boil q
potato, and cook well a chop with sauce
called tomato-lhe writer won't care to
amply farther test that she's up to her
work aud knows all the rest. She must
be honest, industrious, sober and clean,
neat in her garb, not highly dressed
queen; and must be content whatever her
age is, with sugar aud tea and f2O wages.
One more and then we have done. The
following most antique advertisement IS
taken from the Alexandria (Va.) Gasettc
of 1887. Its author, John b. Hepburn,
kept a confectionery store in the place
named and subsequently went to st,
Domingo, where he was created Count
Lemonade by the negro Emperor, So
lonaue. The collection of big words and
extravagant phrases is certainly wonderful,
and has the advantage that all of them
we're good English at that time, although
some have since become absolete;
"Were it essential to be polyloquent,
versatiloquent or magniioquent, the sub
scriber might employ the nomenclature OF
words and bIandiloquenee and suavilo-
quence of language to add fame and eele-
brity to the quality and quintessenee OF
his marga.iferous aud scintilating nede-
ments, but as the empty magic Of words
must Weld to the solid reality of things, il
is deemed more appropo and appodictical
thatthe public of fAlexandria andits vicinage
should attest the sanity and rapidity of their
effects by inhaling the preciosity of their
virtues; and should they be what repeated
trials have enable time to say they are,
then Indeed he has not lived in vain, but
is enabled to offer ''thearieal presidium
which greatly tends to ameliorate the ag-
gregate quantum of human misery by al
leviating infrmities, easing sorrow and as
suaging pain.
sTo elatrate with all the polology and
dulciloquy of words having all the stupen-
di6usness of sublimeness Of thought and
description, the "Suada" of eloquence
would find himself unable to delineate and
coniugate with that materially of language
sufficient to beautify the expotable varie-
ty and inimitable niceties that the sub.
scriber has for sale-rieh and "perfectus