The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-03-12
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


When man hasn't red he gets blue.
The Brush Light-when n lazy barber's DO!
usts your clothes.
Yacht can stand on tack without swearing
man can't.
The business of the man at the railroad cross
ing is tagging.
The decline in eggs Is attributed to the fact thai
hens are Smelling out more freely
The Wisconsin conundrum: Timothy o. Howe
did YOU miss a seat IN the cabnet
ave Just got out Of bad scrape," as the man
said when he came out Of n five-cent barber shop
Society never finds out that q woman ia lovely
sndaccompshed until her husband becomes rich
An ancient way OF rocking man to sleep was
stoning him to desth.-N. q. Picdyvn..
Foreign perfumery was first imported to this
country in l700--that is, In the old Cologne.isl
days.
Young people are always ready to adopt the
latest wrinkle" 1t s the first wrinkle that they
object TO.
II ia expected that the fancy for old gold will
soon create Il favorable sentiment towards the
waller dog"
Maiden lsdy's quotation, slightly altered from
sn old aphorism-"When singlcness Is bliss It's
folly to be wives"
King Coffee Of Ashanteelsnd has declared war
against England. He has grounds Of complaint
that he wants settled
When married woman buys pug dog for
low price she gets n bargain, and her husband
gets something to boot.
When Union League man comes home from
the club too intoxicated to stand, his wife speaks
Of II as returning club.footed
An old man went insane with remorse at La
port, Ind, because he blunderngly killed
neighbour while shooting at q rabbit.-EI.
Was il because he missed the rabbit,
A correspondent wishes to know II the poet
Bryant was editor Of the New York Post. 1t is
hard TO speak i'll OF the dead. but he was.
What is the difference between charity and
1allOry The first covers multitude OF sins; the
second, a multitude Of sinners.
kissing your sweetheart" says a tralng
young man, ais like eating soup with fork; it
takes long time to getenough."
"
Initiate snow. He must come down occasional.
ly.-fHHadephiG Chronicle.
Ella Wheeler has written a poem entitled
Nothing Remains" but doesn't give the name
Of the party who had been to supper before she
got there.
An Iowa paper speaks of % couple who 'were
separated by cold cloud Of realism" This is a
new name for the old mans boot, but 1t is high. |
toned
''What is your wiie's particular little gamer" |
asked q friend OF honpeckcd husband. "Whcn
she gets thoroughly mad" he answered, "its
draw poker"
Heigh.ho! handle the dough-;
How do wish that dinners would grow.
spongs. cake vine or doughnut tree
What refreshing sight to see!
When boy sees nice, round, smooth stone
tying on the ground, he always thinks 1t rather
mean that there isn't a yellow dog In the ycini
y.-URcb Sam
The census shows that there are sS3 20S more
meo than women in tho United States. Singu
lar that large country like this has not women
enough to go around.
A certain millionaire in certain city, on be.
ing lmplored to save family from starving, con-
ebuted just five cents to the charity. Wonder
What the old nickel do with him?
"iend me your cars, quoted Chicago orator,
and a wicked st. Louis man who was present
said it was big loan to negotiate in Chicago
0oslon Commercial Bulletin.
Improve the evenings" says an exchange,
and The NorrlStown HeyaH adds that 1t is need, d,
ior some evenings this year have not been iii to
Ae recognized by decent people.
nobby young man travelling In Texas went
into store and asked the proprietor If he had
black kids. The young man doesn't see why the
st0rekecper came over the counter and broke up
all the furniture with him.
ChIcagos Affections accumulate She has the
smallpox and will soon have a walking. match.
sleyen new cases OF smallpox were reported to
tho health department on Wednesday last The
walking match begins April 18th.
Avery proper Boston girl who reads the Bible
70 the family Sunday nights, read Of civilian
Dad, the Shuttle" referring TO INN IA "Bildad"
belog considered too dreadfully familiar-Chi
Sogo 7ribrtte.
An epltaph on recently cut tombstone reads:
HHerc lies Samantha Harriet Jones,
Whose maiden name was Sckcs
M0st piteous were her dying groans,
The cause OF death was-pickles."
N Y. Commercial advertiser.
Susceptible-Wh stated that Swinburne
wrote the following lines was evidently kid.
ding" you:
Elnora Poggins picked pebble
On the scagirt shore,
PoggIe, pebble, pebble, Pogge,
Never for evermore. |,
yesterday morning, said a Nevada journal, the
Res Willis offered the Lords prayer In the SEN
sto. When be had finished. Doolin leaned over
20 Hammond and remarked ale stole that
prayer, aud I'll bet on IL: heard the same ideas
expressed IN Eureka at a funeral two years ago"
klOrA Is q ml.l nncn II min nnssnssInn nn,r d.