South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-12-16

shouiu nave accepted your offer.
Mary Jane wants q receipt for pre-
serving the hair. Certainly. Use white
sugar. pound for pound add enough
water to make heavy strip, add the
hair, and four ounces oleomargarine,
boil, strain, and put in glass or stone
jars.
WHY He AsKED.-'Pa,' quoth Sam
mic to his sire, why don't yon 60 out
West p
why do you ask, my boy 2
Because Bill Higgins went out there,
and he struck banana
"A bonanza you mean, Sammie'
We'll, what's the difference p
Why, when people strike q bonanza,
it sets them up, and when they strike a
banana, it sets them down..
A young lady admitted to her NAM
ma that her beau had kissed her on the
cheek. 'And what did you do p asked
the old lady, in tone of indign alton.
Mother said the young lady, Il cannot
tell lie; 1 turned the othor cheek.
They tell good story about one
WYMANE, q diminutive drummer. He
stopped one night at Deming. New
Mexico, favorite resort of the COW
boys.
Madame said Abe to the landlady,
'give rue some dinner and be quick a.
bout it. l have not dined since yester-
day
The lady brought him some bean
soup.
Madame, take that soup away.
never eat soup. Bring on the roasts
right away
The lady brought him large plate of
pork and beans.
Madame, take that away. l never
eat those things.
In vain the lady exclaimed that pork
and beans was the best the house afford
ed. He wss obdurate, and want ed roast
beef, rare. A mild hammered, blue eyed
cowboy at the table then Clipped in !:
Begin pardon. stranger, but you must
excuse the lady. We
Who are you, sir p retorted the
drummer. Il know my business
You don't tell me P said the festive
cowboy. drawing his navy. Now, you
eat them beans. I'm goin' to set hero
nm see you fed. Light into 'em quick,
or I'll open you sure, and put 'em in
This is bizness with me, an I'm shout
in in yer ear
The unfortunate drummer saw blood
in the air, and was forced to choke four
plates Of the unwelcome food down be-
fore the cowboy was satisfied with his
apology to the landlady.
Are you feeling very i'll p asked the
physician 'let me see your tongue,
please It's no use, DOCTOR replied
the patient: mo tongue can tell bow
bad / feel
Here is u man who has just stopped
his paper. What a miserable looking
creature he is. He looks as ir he had
been stealing sheep. How will he know
what is going on, now that he has stop
ped bis paper {? He will borrow his
neighbours paper. One OF these days
he will break his leg, or be candidate
for Office, and then the paper will say
nothing about it. That will be treating
him just right. Will it not, little chill
dren.-C atecbism.
Silver dollars with holes in them arc
painfully numerous, but they are not
half so painfully numerous rs holes
without any silver dollars around them.
--Ex.
NO said tho prominent member of
a Vermont parish, Jackson will never
do for deacon, lie haint got the quail
ihcations Why, durn it, I've cheated
him on horse trade, myself.
The smartest things are often said by
maDiacs. a resident physician, who
was making his rounds in lunatic asy.
lum, found an adult patient riding a
hobby horse. Riding your hobby, arc
you 2 said he. NO, said the luDatic ;
! am riding my hobby-horse.' what
is the difference said the doctor.
There Is great difference, replied the
crazy man ANY ono who is riding a
hobby-horsc can stop when no chooses
but any one WHO is riding hobby
cans