The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-02-10
FACETIE

Why is a miser like a man with a
short memory?-Because he is always
forgetting.
''Jacob, is there much difference be-
tween Il sea and sawp' p''-''Yes, the
difference between sea and saw is in
tense"
The amount~of pin-money required
by the married woman depends on
whether she uses diamond pins or roll
ing pins.
What is it that can always get up
quicker than well-dressed man can
who has fallen on n dirty pavement
His temper.
Be Precise.-When you say that q
girls hair is as black as coal, it is just
as well to specify that you do not mean
red.hot coal.
Query for Meteorologists.- a
storm has been brewing in the air, has
the downfall ever been known to take
the shape of beer?
For Members of Shakespeare Societies.
If all the worlds stage, and men
and women merely players, where are
audience and orchestra to come from?
Too Sweet-'Tis sweet rs the gentle
murmurines of an Eolian harp to hear
bride of a fortnight's standing talk of
the cares and trials incident to the
managing of a family.
This is the Pickwickian form which a
Western editor adopts to abuse rival:
''Our esteemed contemporary, the
miserable, low-lived, scurrilous peri
odical published on Larimer Street,
When Ignorance is Bliss-'.Is it pos
eil, hot H. a.
names of some of your best friends?''-
Possible? Why, of course, it is. lido
not even know what my name may be
year or so hence
The Sighin's. -'.What do you think
of the signs of the time grandma?'-
s.Well my dear, when you sigh for your
cousin Fred, an he sighs for you, 1
think the sighin's of the times is favora-
BILE to a wedding
Girls, Beware!-The young men fall
on there knees before you; but remem-
Der it is but as the infantry, that they
may conquer and kill; or as the hunter,
who only on bended knees takes aim at
his victim.
A gentleman, after getting a soda
and-brandy, was retiring from rail
way-station refreshment-bar. ''Recol-
lect, sir" said the polite barmaid, ''it
you lose your purse, you didn't pull it
out here
A nobleman who is in the habit of
speaking to soldiers in an 'affable man.
ner was amused when a guardsman
said in hearty and genial way, Il like
you my lord. There's nothing of the
gentleman about you.''
Ready Excuse.-Magistrate ssYou
are charged with having emptied a
basin of water over the plaintiff. -
Hrishwoman: Sure, yer honor, ye must
forgive me. In the dark L took the
gintleman for my husband.
One for the Counsel.-A distinguish
ed and long-winded lawyer lately de-
Tended a criminal unsuccessfully, and
at the trial the Judge received the
following note: ''The prisoner humbly
prays that the time occupied by the
speech of the counsel for the defense
be counted in his sentence"
That Umbrella.-A boy stood an
umbrella in church porch. To this
umbrella was attached a strong cord,
an end of which the boy held in his
hand. Eleven different individuals
carried the umbrella to the length of
tle cord when the service was over.
Deeply Studious.-A young fellow,
who had been in Paris for q year study
ing medicine, was visited by his father.
Like dutiful son, he parades his pater-
nal conscientiously through the city,
and points out its architectural lions.
Finally they halt before manipulated
building. .sWhat is that lordly pile?"
asks the old mani don't know"
replies the youth; ''but there is n SER
geant de vile, They cross over, and
put the question.-''That, gentleman"
says the official, lis the Medical
School,"