Daily Republican., 1881-04-14
MIRTH AND MERRIMENT.
what the wits Talk AbOut-The
Cream Of IIumOr.
BoB INGERSOLL'S GREED.

fnr out of the way. He Is coming
around maybe. He manages to get
considerable scripture into his creed,
as he sets forth. There ia lotS of hope,
in fact, there is great deal of certainty
for the Colonel. We subj0in few arti-
cles of this great mans creed, just to
show from what book he got his decla-
ration of faith.
"HoneSt industry is IA good as pious
idlencss," says the colonel
Well that's all right That's ortho-
dox. The Bible says tho same thing
and said it long before the colonel
thought Of it-"Faith without work Is
dead"
"Christ believes the temple of God to
be the heart of man, ''-Ingersoll
eyes, that's orthodox, too. We must
worship Him in the spirit. Know ye
not that ye are temples OF the Holy
GhoSt?"
"If 20 to heaven want to take my
reasons with me "-Ingersoll.
OF course and so you will, ''tor now
we SEE through glass darkly, but there
face to face; now ! know in part, but
then shall know even as am known.
i Corinthians. xiii, T.
"Fcar is IL dagger with which hypor-
risy assaSSinates the soul. -lugerSol.
That is good gospel, and perfect love
casteth out fear
"lf owe Smith ten dollars, and God
forgivcS me, that doesn't pay Smith.
I-IngerSOll.
Correct you are the prayer ofChris-
tianity ia forgive us our debts IA we
. g., lnht,r. - s.ilNEp
anything"
"ReasOn is the light of til" soul, and
if you haven't the right ~ follow it,
what have you IL right to follow "'-ln-
gersOl.
"Ypt in the church had rather speak
five words with my understanding, that
by my voice might teach others also,
than ten thousand words in an unknown
tongue. Brethren hc not chi drrn in
understanding howbrit in malice he yc
children, but in under landing b. men,
| Corinthians, xiv, -, 20.
Wfyou 90 to he'll, it will be for not
practicing the virtues which the Ser
mon on the Mount prOclalms. '-lnser-
soil.
That's all orthodox. If ye know
these things, happy are ye If ye 90
them"
"The men who saw the miracles all
died long ago. | wasn't acquainted
with any of them. '-lnger1Olt.
Same way with the men who saw
Srryctus burned. But the Colonel
most firmly believes that Servetus was
burned.
"A little miracle now, right here
inst a little One--wnulh do more toward
the advancement Of Christianity than
all the preaching Of the last thirty years.
Ingcrsoll.
"Ifthry hear not Moses and the proph
cts, neither will ;hcy be persuaded
though ono rose from the dead. Luke
xvii, 81.
! 'Jf there is n God fn the universe hr
will not damn an honest man. '-lnger.
soil.
"a false balance ~ an ahomination
unto the Lord; but just weight is his
delight.-ProvorbN, xi, /.
"rhcrc is only one true worship and
that is the practice of justice. lngrr-
soil.
"Render therefore unto Caesar the
things which be- Caesars, and unto God
the things which be God 5. Luke XN,
q.
Good will not damn good citizen, Il
good father, or good friend. lager
soil.
a good man shOwcth favor and
lend.th lie will guide his affairs with
discretion. Surely, he shall not be
moved forever; the righteous shall be-
held in everlasting remembrance. -
Psalms xxi, 5, q.
"Study the religion of the body in
preference to the religion of the soul
A healthy body will give healthy
mind, and healthy mind will destroy
superstition. ."-Ingersoll.
That explains why the Indians have
no superstitiOnS.
"Peoplc who have the smallest souls
make the most fuss about saving them. I"
-Ingersoll.
Of course, Colonel they are the hard
est kind to save.
81 will never ask God 10 treat me any
fair, than treatpny fellow-men. In
gerSoll.
Well, that's perfectly orthodox. "For
if We forgive men their treSpas>cs, your
heavenly Father will also forgive you ;
but We forgive not men their trespasses,
neither will your Father forgive your
trespasses. "For with what Judgment
ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with
what measure ye mete, it shall be meas
ured to you"
"Upon the shadowy shore Of death
the STA of trouble caste no wave '-ln-
sersoll
The Colonel must have been singing
that good old hymn, "N hen can read
my title clear" in which occur the
lines:
| ''And not wave of trouble roll
Across my peaceful breast"
II is customary for an official TO be