Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-08-19
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DIR. SL1M.-"You see." observed DR..
Slim. as he banged the patient across the
back of the neck with club, "you see
plainly, gentlemen, that there is no organic
difficulty. The functions are natural and
this is plain case of hysteria.
II don't know about that" said DIR
Stout kicking the woman fearful KICK
nnder the ear. .sShe may not manifest it.,
but there is certainly sensation there"
ssIf YOU notice." chirped in DIR. Green
dropping a bod full of bricks on the sub
iect's head, s'she does not act as though
she were conscious, though that may re-
suit as much from hysteria as from spinal
arrangement"
ssThis test,'7 remarked DR.. Snap. as he
started charcoal fire On the woman's
feet. sshas been found infallible. If under
this treatment she kicks, it is hysterla. Ii
she don It kick, we find that even more
potent tests must be applied"
Gin that case my system is the one to
employ said DR.. Fist, running light
ming rod through the patient. Under
this treatment we invariably arrive at re-
suits"
II am not sure but what we will have
to resort to the heroic remedies" sugges-
ted DR.. Cruel, emptying gallon OF yitrioi
down the woman7s throat. ''These mild
tests do not appear to conduce to conclu-
slons.''
SHave you noticed any peculiar symp-
toms?n asked the faculty in chorus OF the
weeping husband.
'Ouly-one--gentlem sobbed the
spouse.
what was that?"
ssShe-died -twenty-fo hours -
rgo.''
And the question now is whether she
died of hysteria or spine, with prepon-
derance of evidence upon both sides.
OUT OF GRoCERIEs.-''John,'' said a
farmers wife to the lord OF the manse,
''we are out of sugar, and will have to go
town.
'sWell, we must get along some way; we
we can do without it until [ get through
with my rush. Ican't stop my teams now;
YOU know the good Book says if we do not
SOW we cannot reap"
ssJohn," she says the next day, 1--WE are
out of coffee as we'll as sugar, and you
will have to go to town; you know you
can't do without coffee?"
stWell, we must get along some way I'M
til get through with my work. We can
do-let's see; can't you 60 over to Mrs.
Rddleberger's and borrow some until l
get timer"
The next day John said to the hired
man:
s'Billy, gimme chew of your tobacco
I'm out"
.sWish 1 could, but 1 was just going to
ask you for chew, replied Billy.
"Well, [ declare said John. swell,
Billy, I've got to go to town, there's nc
use to talk. We are out of groceries.
John stops machine and takes team
and goes to town for groceries.
A house painter who is at work Oh
scaffolding three stories from the ground
falls from it upon the side walk. where he
lies limp and apparently lifeless. A crowd
of benevolent folks surround him and la
Dor with him till his pulse returns and bis
eyelids begin to flutter, when good Sa-
marian places glass of water to his lips.
The sufferer (feebly):- "How many stories
has a fellow got to fall in this ward before
he gets brandy, durn ye ?''
It is related Of a militia colonel who had
his raw recruits out in the fields that the
command suddenly came to stone fence.
Here was an obstacle to be met which was
not down in the tactics and surpassed his
military knowledge to overcome; but only
for moment. Calling upon his troops to
ssbreak ranks" he added, with wink, and
ssin five minutes time we will reform on
the other side of that feuce;" and so the
soldiers scrambled over the military diff
Guilty.
Here's positive fact that occurred IN
one of the public schools in this city re-
Gently: A small boy was asked to name
some part Of his own body. He thought
for moment and then replied: Bowels
which are five in number-a, e, i, o, u, and
sometimes and W
TIE creditors of Mrs. Howe's Ladies
Deposit in Boston will receive five cents
on the dollar This will be something OF
disappointment to the creditors, as they
were led to believe when deposting theii
money, that they would receive five dol
lars on the cent.
Ninety in the shade: To Mr.. Il. Vennor
Canada: Dear Sir, If you have such {
thing as belated snow lying around loose
please forward at once, e. o. D., an(
oblige yours, etc. P. S.-Put small chunk
of blizzard in it,
To dance well, man should know az
little as possible of everything else. He car
balance partners better if his hair Is part
ed in the middle.
She that hath new bonnet is more con
stunned with desire to 60 to meeting than
seven pious ones.
Animals lick each other from motives
of affection. The reverse is generally the
case with men.