Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1881-05-12
FEMININE POLITICS.
What Mrs. SpOOpendyke Learned Con-
cerning the Deadlock.
Brooklyn Eagle.

OOA OCdu-1OCAs
Brooklyn Eagle.
"My DEAR" said Mrs. Spoopenkyke,
holding piece of lace to her Overskirt
and wondering whether she had better
plait it on or full it in; my dear, who is
this Congressman Lock who has Just
died."
"What Congressman Lock?" asked
Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Why, read in the papers this morn
ing that the couldn't do any business
because of the dead Mr.. Lock. Did you
know him?"
THAT amt Congressman" said Mr..
Spoopendyke. "You read that there was
a deadlock in the Senate. Wasn't that
it?"
"Yes. and read it all through, and
when l found that Mr. Conkling felt so
bad about it, thought Mr.. Lock must
be a CoIgressmen."
mo. he isn't either. The deadlock
means that the Democrats and Republi-
cans can't agree"
"Good graciousl Have they had an
other falling out?' / shouldn't think
the Republicans would fight the poor
Democrats any more. What have they
been doing nOw?"
"They haven't been doing anything.
Senator Malone, of Virginia, went over
to the Republicans, and l."
81 see," interrupted Mrs. Spoopendyke,
"and Mr.. Conkling won't have him con-
irmed. Though can't understand why
they should interfere with Mr.. Mahone's
religion. If the poor man wants to join
the church L"
"Who wants to join the church
Who's church? Think Mr.. Conkling's
bishop? Got an idea he's an altar !?
S'pose he's dod gasted chapel with ivy
all over him, a spike fence and a chime
of bells? It's Stanley Matthews he don't
want confirmed"
Il read about him, too" rejoined Mrs.
Spoopendyke. Hes Mr.. Garfield's Col
lector, isn't he?"
mo, he amt. That's Judge Robert
son. Mr.. Garfield wants. Judge Robert
son for Collector, and Mr.. Conkling is
opposed to him."
/ don't see why he should be. Though
of course / should suppose Mr.. Garfield
would rather have man like Mr.. Ma
hone, who is going into the church"
"Where's your sense?" snorted Mr.
Spoopendyke. "What dye want to mix
up things for? Trying to make a grab
bag of prominent Americans? Stanley
Matthews is candidate for Judge, Mr..
Malone is a Senator, and Robertson is
appointed Collector, but, like Matthews,
hasn't been confirmed. Can you see
through that?"
"0f course, l understand that, but l
don't see any excuse for fighting the
Democrats, unless they think that Mr..
Robertson would collect money from
Mr.. Malone, and Mr. Matthews would
send him to Jail. In that case it"
"In that case it would take you to
straighten 'em out" squealed Mr.. Spoop-
endyke. what are you trying to get
up now, an idiot asylum? Are you
planning for murder and trying to get
up an insanity plea? What dye think
Robertson's going to collect, hens? Got
a notion Matthews is a penitsntiary, sit
ting around to be leased out? Imagine
Malone to be the National debt? Well,
they amt; they're men, tell ye. Men
with legs" and Mr.. Spoopendyke kicked
out both his own foot handles by way of
"Conkling is opposed to
Matthews and Robertson. He says they
shan't be confirmed, but he's friend of
Malone"
THAT what didn't see," said Mrs.
Spoopendyke. 81 am glad Mr.. Malone
will be confirmed, though 1 don't care
for Mr.. Matthews and Mr.. Robertson.
1t will teach them to repent of their
sins, and not fly into the face of Provi-
dence. I'm glad Mr.. Conkling is good
"Ohl he's prayer book" howled Mr..
you've found him out
You've got himl All he wants is red
cushion and rack nailed up in front of
him to be mourner's bench! Didn't l
tell ye he was Senator? Do you know
what Senator is? It's something
shaped like a pie, measly piel Under
stand it now ?"
"And is Mr.. Malone Senator, too?"
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, new light
dawning upon her.
mo, he amt Senatorl" grinned Mr..
Spoopendyke; "he's a lightning rod to
keep bowling idiots from falling over
board. Begin to see into it? And they
want him confirmed, so if he finds any
lod gasted old female named SpOopen-
1yke stopping into canal, he'll slam a |
church on top of herl Got the idea?"
upon my word, my DEAR" remonstra- |
ted Mrs. Spoopendyke, "yeu talk ex-
Mr.. Malone may fight |
Democrats. but he would never go around |
throwing churches at women. l don't |
know Mr.. Malone, but 1 don't believe |
he would do thing of that kind. As |
for Mr.. Matthews and Mr.. Robertson. |
they know their business best; but If |
they have abused Mr.. Conkling, would |
never read one of Mr. Matthews deci- |
here every day for a month, and he |
could never even collect the paper bill. |
[ don't think it right to trust such men
with the contribution box, and know |
;he missionary ladies would never per-
nit him to collect the subscriptions"
That's it," yelled Mr.. Spoopendpke. |
There's the science of government
ALI you want now is saloon in the
basement to be the National Capitoli |
What you need is gas meter and We
70 to be an improved White Housel
When Robertson comes here for the |
milk bill, you pay him, you hear? And |
when Matthews is Justice of the Peace |
for Brooklyn, you have Conkling arrest
ed for stealing coal, you hearf Thatll |
fetch it'll You've got the idea nowl All |
you want to do is to live all simmer in |
Soldiers Home to be a complete admin |
istrationl' II / had your vision I'd get !
up on three sticks and hire out as a tel /
"Of course, I'll do what you say" re-