St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-02-18
Squibs.

If Grant hasn't anything else to do,
why don't he sit down and write a sto-
ry, something like Endymion. He
might call it "COnkymyown." y FOIL
City Derrick.
A New York Ledger story writer died
the other day, and they wrote him his
epitaph "The last chapter of this
world is ended-tO he continued in the
next" ROckland Courier
"Look here" said Mr.. Spilkins to his
wife, "yOu ought to have some fine
brandy III the house to cure my sickness
at my stomach" "ThaCs where you
are mistaken" responded the good lady.
''you would he sick at your stomach 10
times a day if there was an alcoholic
remedy for it in the house."-Galvesto
News.
How would it be if all the dogs were
sent to Lapland, the lawyers to Lie
IBERIA, the donkeys to Bray -zil, the low
ers to Sigh IBERIA, and the editors to
News-zeal-land
a Northern paper claims that an al
derman has been injured by the acci-
dental discharge of his duty. These
accidents are very Iare.-New Orleans
Picayune.
A Boston composer has set the sounds
of Niagara Falls to music. The next
thing some fiend will set the noise of IL
boilershOp to music and distribute it
through hand organs of Italian descent.
| And then there will be blood split. A
| bOiler-shOp fantasy coming right on the
heels of "PinafOre,n would make even
the American Peace Society howl for
war.-[ llawkeye.
johnny came home from school the
other day very much excited : "What
do you think pa. Joe Steward, one of
the big boys, had an argument with the
| teacher about question in grammar ?"
"What position did Joe take ?" ellis
| last position was across chair, with
his face down. Galveston News.
Hens are now laying eggs that cost
- cents per dozen. Abolish our pro-
tective tariff, and bring the work of
foreign hens in competition with our
own fowls, and eggs would go down to
| ID cents a dozen, if not lower. Per
haps a tariff for revenue only would
have been the correct thing, after all.
-NOrristOwn Herald.
"What is the USE asks the San Fran
cisco Post, ''Of talking about art culture
in San Francisco, when it is an open
secret that certain rich mining man
recently sent to Florence for copy OF
| the Venus of Milo, and when the statue
was delivered actually sued the Central
Pacific railroad company for mutilating
a work of art, and, what is more, re-
covered damages p
Next to riches there is nothing of
such importance to all persons as pre-
Sence of mind in times of great danger,
or under exciting circumstances. Many
a young man has got his start in life by
being in full possession of this quality
of mind. We can recall an instance at
"A fire, when the fiery fiend was licking
the stuiing out of brown stone font,
there appeared at an upper window a
fair young maiden wringing her arms
in despair, and shrieking, "Will no one
save ~ On the walk below stood two
young men, who at once rushed forward
to the rescue. Suddenly one of them
stopped he recOllected himself, his
presence of mind returned, and he let
his friend rescue the girl. The presence
of mind of this young man who refused
to save the girl was remarkable he
remembered Just in time that he was "a
married man and couldn't marry the
rescued maiden without going to the
expense of divorce bill.-[Oil City
Derrick.