Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-09-03
WIT AND WISDOM.
WHY is a turnpike gate like dead
dogs tail? Because it stops a-waggin'.

dogs tail? Because it stops a-waggin'.
IT DOES not require much experience
in agriculture to raise mortgage on a
farm.
An editor who was told that his last
article was as clear as mud, said:
Well, that covers the ground, any
how"
A FARM is a nice place to spend va
caion, only just as you get used to get
ting up at 3 o'clock in the morning it is
time to come home.
THE explosion of can of baked beans
in New Jersey the other day shows where
the Boston people get their energy.
atlanta Constitution.
WHEN the Cornell crew comes home
cession with hearse for the oarsmen to
ride on, says the Boston Post.
A RECIPE for lemon pie vaguely adds
"Then sit on a stove and stir constant
ly." Just as if anything could sit on a
stove without stirring constantly.
THE st. Paul Pioneer wants Jay
Gould made Indian Commissioner, be-
ludI tuc nISt HOuAA 0O
would be to consolidate the tribes.
JONES, on hearing band of "picked
musicians torturing tune at recent
concert, said, "Ah, understand; they
were picked before they were ripe !!
CoMANcHE BILL says Buffalo Bill is no
frontiersman. and Buffalo Bill says Co.
manche Bill is tenderfoot fraud. They
seem to know each other thoroughly.
An authority says that Pennsylvania
coal supply will be exhausted in another
century. The wise man will see the
necessity of at once laying in full sup
ply
A MAN in a st. Louis barroom re-
fused to drink, and when he left, one
citizen remarked to another "Did
you ever see anybody SO burned eccen-
trio ?'
A NASHVILLE woman committed suicide
because her husband persisted in eating
Limburger cheese. A Chicago woman
would have considered this sufficient
strong ground for divorce.
"WHAT kind of a mark is that ?" said
Magrady to his friend TalthOrpe, point
ing to a scar on his face. "It's ques-
ton mark, !" replied the other; "got it
for asking a man IF it was warm
enough for him.
"You do not find any flies in the but
ter which l put on my table, said Bos-
ton boarding mistress. proudly. "No,"
replied boarder, it's too strong for
them" That boarder was given imme-
diate notice to quit.
A PERSON once said to a father, whose
son was noted for laziness, that he was
very much afraid of work. "Afraid of
work !" replied the father. Not at all.
He will lie down and go to sleep close
by the side of it.
A DEAR old lady: "No," said Mrs.
Goodington, casting her eyes over her
specs to the silhouette of her lamented
Daniel "I can't say as like to see a
man too stout, but just little inclined
to petulancy, you know"
HENDERSON was at the theater the
other night "It was a burlesque. a
take-off, want it ?" asked Smith.
eyes," said Henderson, " that's what it
was, I guess. They had taken off about
every thing they dared to-"
JAMES PARTON says: "There is no
work done in the world which expends
vitality as fast as writing for the public"
Guess James never tried to write letter
to his mother-in-law explaining to her
satisfaction why it would not be con-
venient to enjoy the delights of a visit
from her.
WHEN he returned to his seat in the
theater and said he had just stepped out
to see some one, she gravely responded,
cit must have been the Evil One ;" and
when the young man asked "if she saw
the cloven foot" she turned up her
pretty nose and said, "No, but I smell
the cloven breath.
ANOTHER Ohio man has just got
place. He was a postmaster who just
saved the Government little money by
printing his own postal cards, and he
has got nice place in Jail. There is
no salary attached to his new place, but
then nobody is trying to crowd him out.
Harrington Hae0keye.
"STRANGE said Mrs. Smith, as Mrs.
Brown concluded the tale of her terrible
sea sickness strange that going on
the water should have made you sick.
Why. am never sea. sick" Aren't
you ?" replied Mrs. Brown, I suppose
you are an old sailor" "No, indeed"
Mrs. Smith replied, ST never was on the
water in my life." Mrs. Brown" Oh J"
AN Illinois paper asserted that 'there
is one jackass in our State Legislature"
and before noon of the day on which the
item was published, the editor received
a note from every member of the House,
including the Speaker, telling him to re-
tract or look out for libel suit, each
member regarded it as personal hit.
The man alluded to was in the Senate.
THEY were standing back of the old
front gate, and as wayward CLEAN of
moonlight came stealing guiltily DER
them he whispered huskily "There is
something strange about you, Emma"
YES" she replied, it must be your
arm" eyes," he said, adding, "it's
queer how strange it is. Stranger than
fiction" She said she guessed so.
THE GOLDEN KEY.
l showed my love my fond heart,
And ssked would she be mine
Till cruel death do us part?
She answered me. Ach nein
/ showed my love my handbook.
And then touched her soul.
She eiUhed with zYlch n frank ln0k