The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-05-18


pcck's Sun says: 4 St. Louis doc
tor factory recently turned out a
dozen female doctors. IS long as
the female doctors were confined to
one or two in the whole country,
and those were only experimental,
we held our pence, and did not
complain; but now as the colleges
are engaged in producing female
doctors rs a business, we must pro-
I test. and in so doing will give few
1 reasons why female doctors will not
prove a paying branch OF industry.
in the first place, If they doctor
anybody It must be women, and
ihree-fourtlis Of the women would
rather haze male doctor. Sup
pose these ,ollcges turn ont female
doctors until there are as many OF
them as male doctors, what have
they got 10 pi lcticc on? a man,
. If there was nothing the matter with
him, might call in 4 female doctor,
but if he was sick as horse (ifa
man IS sick he is sick as horse),
the las. thing he would have around
him would be female doctor. And
why ? Because, when man has a
female fumbling around him he
wants 10 feel well. lie don't want
to be bilious or teverish, with his
mouth tasting like cheese, and his
ewes bloodshot, when tee female is
/ booking him over and taking ac-
count Of stock.
OF course these female doctors
are al youag and good looking, and
ifone OF them came into a sick room
where sick man was in bed, and
he had chills, and a. cpld as wodg /,
and she should sit up close TO the
side OF the bed and take hold of his
hand, his pulse would run up to
llj0, and she would prescribe for
fever when he had chilblains. Oh,
you can't fool US on female doc
tors. \ man who has been sick
and had male doctors, knows just
/ how much he would feel to have a
female doctor come tripping in and
throw her flr-lincd cloak over
chair. take off her hat and gloves
and throw them on a lounge, and
come up to the bed with a pair of
marine, blue eyes, with a twinkle
in the corner, and look him in the
wild, changeable eyes, and ask him
to run out his tongue. Suppose he
knew his tongue was coated so it
/ looked like yellow Turkish towel,
DO you suppose he would want to
run out over five or six inches of
the lower part of it and let that fe
male doctor put her finger on it to
see how fur it was? Not much.
He would put that tongue up into
his check, and wouldn't let her see
/ il for p cents admission. We have
all seen doctors put their hand un-
der the bedclothes and feel Of mans
| feet 10 see if they are cold. If a fe-
male doctor should do that itwould
give q man cramps in the legs. a
male doctor can put his hand on a
mans stomach, and liver and lungs,
and ask him if he feels any pain
there, but if female doctor should
do that it would make a man sick,
and he would want to get up and
kick himself for employing a fe-
male doctor. Oh, there is no use
talking il would kill a man.
Now, suppose man has heart
disease, and a female doctor should
want to listen TO the beating of his
heart. She woald lay her lett car
Oh his lett breast, so her eyes and
rosebud mouth would be looking
night in his face, and her wavy hair
would be scattered all around there,
getting tangled in the buttons OF
his night dress. Don't you think
his heart would Get in about twenty
extra beats per minute? You bet
I and she would smile-we will bet
ten dollars she would smile-and
show her pearly teeth, and the ripe
lips would be working as though
she were counting the beats, and he
would think she was whispering to
him. and. Well, what would
he be doing all this time? If he was
not dead yet, his left hand would
brush tie hair away from his tenn
pie and Kind of stay there to keep
the hair away, and his right hand
would get sort of nervous and
move around TO the back of her
head, and when she had counted the
beats few minutes and was raising
her head he would draw the head
up to him and kiss her once for
luck. if he was as bilious as Jer-
sey swamp angel-and haze her
charge it in the bill. And then a
reaction would set in, and be would
be as weak as a cat, and she would
have to fan him and rub his head
until he got over being nervous, and
then make out his prescription after
he got asleep. No; all OF mans
symptoms change when female
doctor is practicing On him, and she
would kin him dead.