The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-12-08
AN ACCESSION TO THE sPooPENDYKE
FAMILY

"Well, well, well, +" said Mr. Spoopendyke, with
n grin that involved his whole head, and an eff
fort at a tip-toe tread that shook the whole
house And 50 its girl, my dear"
Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled family and Mr.
spoopendyke picked up his heress.
ITS the image of You" she said, regarding
with some trepidation ar. Spoopendyke's meth
oil of handling the infant.
81 don't see how you make that OUT said Mr..
SpoOpendyke, gravely. al don't know when
my nose looked like the thumb part of boiled
lobster claw. Do ! understand YOU that NV
eyes bear any resemblance to the head of a
screwT
~ mean the general features, . murmured Mrs.
SpoOpendyke.
"The general features seem to be all month. "
retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke, examining his aeaai.
sition. 'lf our general features are at all alike
my Nisage must remind you of an earthquake
Hi, kitchee! kitchee! What makes her fold IN
her legs like that n
''She can't help it," reasoned Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. They'll straighten out in time.r
No time ike the present. quoted Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, and he took his daughters feet and
commenced pulling her limbs. 81 don't want
any bandy-legged feet in this family, while I'm
at the head of it."
Spoopendyke essayed to soothe itr
Eli! kitchee! kitchee. kitch-ee-eew he CHR.
ruped. Great Scott, what a cavern! Hi
kitchee! kitchee! You'll have to get that mouth
rooted in before cold weather. What's the mat
ter with her, anyway
perhaps You hurt her. Let me take her,
please, pleaded helpless Mrs. SpoOpendyke.
Shes doing well enough. Hi you, Hold
mp! Haven't you anything to catch this mouth
in Its splitting all over the neghborhood. Hi
Topsy, Genevieve, Cleopatra dry up! TN going
to have trouble breaking this young ones tenn.
per. can see that. Here bend the other way
once" and Mr.. Spoopendyke tried to straighten
his offspring, without avail.
Let her come to me; do, please" moaned
Mrs SpOopendyke, and Mr.. Spoopendyke was
forced to hand her over
'Well, that's quite baby" said he, nursing
his knee aud cycling the infant. "What are
those bumps over its eyes fort What prepon-
derance of intelligence DO they represent r.
lyon mustn't talk So" demonstrated Mrs
Spoopendyke. "She's the handsomest child you
ever saw
"Well, she's got to stop hitting her nails before
she goes any further with the procession Here,
take your hands out of your mouth, can't you :
Why don't you put her hands DOWN.
''Why, all babies do that" exclaimed Mrs
Spoopendyke. lyon can't stop that"
"Tm going to try said Mr.. Spoopeudyke, "and
don't want to he interfered with in bringing
this child up. Here, you, Maud S. Bonesetter,
put your hands in your pockets. Don't let me
see any more nail chewing, or you and I'll get
mixed up in an argument. She gets that from
your family, Mrs. Spoopendyke.-
'Say, dear, don't you want to go and order
some thlngsT asked Mrs. SpOopendyke.
"NO," rejoned her husband, ~ want to see
this youngster. Where's her chini Do babies
always have their upper jaw set right on their
shOuldersf Kitchee 7 kitchee, Her scalp comes
clear to the bridge of her nose. don't believe
she's quite right. Where's her foreheadf Great
Moses! Her head is all on the back part, Say,
that baby's got to be pressed. That's no shape"
"Get away" exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke, in
dignantly. "She's perfect angel. There's
nothing in the world the matter with her."
"Of course you know" growled Mr. Spoopen-
dyke. "iou don't want anything more than a
fog horn and msspent appropriation to be an
orphan asylum. If had your faith and the col
ic, I'd make living as a foundling's home,
She'll he old enough to spank in n week, won't
shei"
''No, she won'tm said Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"Shell never be old enough for that"
sri bet she will, groaned Mr.. Spoopendyke.
''If she isn't, she'll get it before she natures up
to that period. That's all. Let me take her.
Here, let's have her."
But Mrs. Spoopendyke fatty refused.
'tKeep your ded gasted baby, then :" roated
Mr.. Spoopenkyke. "If you know more about
babies than l do, then keep her. The way you
cOddle her, one would think she was a new paste
for the complexion. If you had one more brain
and a handle, you'd make fair rattle-box, Fit
you up with a broken sofa and grease spot,
and you'd do for n second hand nursery
And Mr.. Spoopendyke started off to find his
friend Specklewottle, who congratulated him,
and started off with him to assist in the selec-
ton of an overeoat and a pair of ear-muffs, rs
against the approaching winter.
Brooklyn Eagle.