The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1881-06-30
spoopzNDYxE.
What Comes Of Getting News From
a Pattern.

q 6dGS5Ius
els there any truth In this story
that Mr.. Garfield has killed Sena-
tor Conklingg' inquired Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, fitting the sleeve into the
armhole, and running the basting.
''Noi" calculated Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "Where did you get that?
Mr.. ConklIng has resigned but he
amt dead"
81 read that he had got into some
difficulty with Mr.. Garfield, and
Mr.. Garfield had dragged him all
around by the ear and finally they
had to take Mr.. Conkling away to
save his life, though he died after
ward"
"Who said so?' demanded Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Where'd you get
anything like that?''
II read itou a pattern that Mrs.
Winterbotham loaned me for an
overskirt. I'm sure it's So" re-
piled Mrs. Spoopendyke. SO
"Get the pattern" said Mr. Spoo
pendyke. "Show it to mel"
Mrs. Spoopendyke unrolled the
pattern and commenced to read:
"The complications at Washing
ton have assumed the most exciting
shape. To day the trouble be-
tween Garfield and Conkling cuimi-
mated by Conkling seizing him by
the throat and holding on while the
crowd yelled with delight. Twen-
ty to one was offered, but Garfield
remains firm and declares that the
administration will not yield. This
position aroused the crowd to fren-
zy. 1t is said that Conkling really
desires to retire to private life, but
Garfield at that moment planted his
teeth in his game adversary's ear
and dragged him around until the
friends of ConklIng interfered to
save the poor things life. He was
taken home, but died In a few min
utes." ThereP' said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, triumphantly, "I told you
so."
"Show mep said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, jumping up and seizing the
pattern. "Where'd ye find such
dodgasted nonsense as that7
Where is it?'
"There, it begins under the ruff
fle, then it runs over on the band
and down on the gore, and ends
here on the plating. knew I'd
seen it, and Mrs. Spoopendyke
smiled pleasantly.
"What's the matter with you,
you measly idlot?" howled Mr..
Spoopendyke. "This is where you
get your POLITICAL information, is
it?' This is the source of your in
telligeuce on National affairs? All
you want is two more patterns and
bald head to be a constitutional
lawyer Three overskirts and a
pair of spectacles would make you
a supreme court Judge! WhaPd ye
think this Is?'
aIsn't it right?" faltered Mrs.
Spoopendyke. did you read 1t
from the ruffie over to the band
and down to the gore"
"Yes, did, didn't Ig' squeaked
Mr.. Spoopendyke. ''and so did you,
didn't you? Do you know what
you've got herer'
"Isn't it pat"
"Dodgast the patter1-I mean
the print! Part of it is about Gar
field, part about Conkling and the
rest is a dog fight on Long Island
Know what it is now? Think you
can understand it, now Eve ex.
planned it to you? Oh! you can
You've got brainsl Some day I'm
going to run pipe into your ear
and start phosphorus factoryr'
and Mr.. Spoopendyke danced out
of the room leaving it strewn with |
pattern dust.
81 don't care" sobbed Mrs. Spoop |
endyke, cit read all right, and the
skirt fitted so nicely that Isuppos-
ed the articles were put together |
straight. And it was so perfectly |
natural anybody might make the
same mistake. It's so like most |
of the news from Washington that
I've been expecting it every day." !
and Mrs. Spoopendyke overcast the
sleeve with the serene conviction |
that after all you've got to patch a
newspaper into pattern to geo the
actual facts sometimes. |