Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-20
Croquet and Lawn-Tennis.

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,Croquet has lost its popularity, and II
is only in remote Western towns that
one can hear the click of the mallet az
it strikes some bald but youthful head
or the wall of some too eager girl who
has mashed her own foot. Elsewhere
croquetg has not been played for nearly
two years. The croquet mallet has
been turned into a bean-pole, and the
balls have been thrown at vagrant dogs.
so that of the eleven million croquet sets
formerly in the possession of private
citizens OF the United States, there are
now not more than sixty-three sets
which are complete and fit for use.
The disappearance of this pestilent
game is a great gain for the cause of
morality and public order. Next to
horse-dealing, which, according to the
Westminster Catechism, s'worketh the
corruption of the whole nature of him
who sells horses, croquet has far more
whitening and blasting effect upon what
is good in human nature than has any
other agency. It leads to lying almost
as certainly as does trout-fishing. Mr..
Herbert Spencer, in his tables Of social
statistics, asserts that eighty-two per
cent. of all ladies who play croquet will
systematically claim to have passed
hoops that they have not passed, and
ninety per cent. will insist that they
never stirred the ball which received
the stroke of the mallet in that peculiar
feat called s'croqueting'' OF course,
those who habitually indulge in flights
of the imagination-to put it mildly
such as these must inevitably lose all
respect for the truth. They who cheat
their lovers at croquet will find it easy
to deceive their husbands in the game
of married life. From cheating to
quarreling is step which in croqnet is
short and inevitable. In nine games
out of every ten the recording angel is
compelled to take notice that Miss Smith
has audibly mentioned that sit is per-
fectly sickening to see how that Brown
girl cheats, !" and that Miss Brown has
openly called Miss Robinson ssmean,
hateful thing In its latter days cro-
quet was characterized not merely by
cheating and bad language, but by as
sassination. It was so easy for quick
tempered and indignant girl to hit her
partner over the shins as rebuke for
his bad play, or to strike faithless low
er over the head who had formed a
partnership with a hated rival, and per-
haps defended her from the accusation
Of cheating, that mallet outrages be-
came frightfully prevalent. In England
alone, in the year 1873, seven curates
had their skulls fractured, one hundred
and ninety -four were seriously bruised,
either on one or both shins, and six hun
dred and five young ladies were hit in
the region of the shoes by mallets thrown
by other young ladies. A like state of
~s-L<x Ill
this country, but in the absence of trust
worthy statistics it can only be said that
mall probability the proportion of mall
let outrages was as great here as in Eng
land. 1t was this terrible feature of the
game which caused general uprising
of all good citizens against it, and led
to the substitution of lawn-tennis in its
place.
The peculiar feature of lawn-tennis is
the net which is stretched between the
players with a view of preventing adj
versaries from assaulting one another.
it is impossible to inf1ict any serious in
jury, and instead of clubs they play with
instruments somewhat resembling the
battledore of the last generation, and
unfit for offensive purposes except, per-
children. The game has commended
itself to parents and peaceable people
by its apparent safety, and so far it has
certainly been unstained by any muir
derous affrays. Still, it must be evil
dent to every one that the net common
ly used is far too frail. 1t could be
broken down by the rush of heavy
girl, and it would be easy for an agile
girl to climb over it. If lawn-tennis is
to maintain its reputation as a safe and
peaceable game, the net should be made
of wire instead of Irvine it should be at
least foot higher, and the upper edge
should be strewn with broken glass set
in cement. or furnished with sharp iron
spikes. Sooner or later some mild i'm
beetle player will madden his adversary
to such an extent that nothing but per-
sonal violence will be any comfort to
her, and she will get over or through
the frail Irvine net with a suddenness
that will dazzle the unhappy victim.
Accidents on lawn-tennis grounds
have occurred, though not during the
progress of the game. In places where
the net is left in position over night it
sometimes catches the needless or intox-
icated wayfaring man, and on the
grounds of one of the Moosehead Lake
hotels, the early.riser can often find
local statesman caught by the ears in
the lawn-tennis net and utterly unable
to extricate himself. The catch of
small boys and colored servants at the
Lake George hotels is also very large,
but has never attracted the attention
which the painful fate of. leading citi-
cen of Greenfield, Conn.,, secured last
July. The citizen in question had
manageable daughter who was fond of
lawn. tennis, and who was serenaded
one evening by young druggist with
an accordion. While the serenader was
under the widow, and in the act of sing
ing ssBaby Mine'' and accompanying
himself on the accordion, the leading
citizen, with the best intention, issued
from the house with club and let
loose both the dogs. The druggist, with
great presence of mind, ran round the
house and entered the front door, while
the angry father rushed wildly across
the lawn in search of him and came in