The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-07-19
Mr. spoopendyke Enligbtens Mrs. S, en- the
Garfield Oouklipg War,

rs there any truth in this story that
Mr.. Garfield has killed Senator Conk-
ling~ inquired Mrs. Spoopendyke.
fitting the sleeve into tho arm-hoIe and
running in the basting.
"Nov' CALCULATED Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Where'd you get thstP Mr.. Conkling
has resigned. but he amt dead
ii read that he had rot into some
difficulty with Mr.. Garfield, and Mr.
Garfield had dragged him all around
BY the ear, and finally they had to take
Mr.. Conkling away to save his life,
though he died afterwards"
WHO said sop demanded Mr. Spoo-
pendykc. "Where'd you read anything
like thai?N
Il read it on pattern that Mrs.
Winerbotham loaned me for an over
skirt, I'm sure it's So" replied Mrs.
Spoopendyke, She unrolled the pat
tern, and read;
"fhe complications at Washington
have assumed the most exciting shape,
To-day tie troubles between Garfield
and Conklng eliminated by Conkling
sc ling hiln BY the throat and holding
Oh while the crowd yelled with delight.
Twenty 10 one was offered. but Garfield
remains firm and declares the Admin
stration will not yield. This position
aroused the crowd to frenzy II is
said that Conkling really desires TO re-
tire to private life, but Garfield at that
moment planted his teeth in his game
alyersarys ear, and dragged him
around until the friends OF Conkling
were compelled to interfere 10 save the
poor things life. lie was taken home,
but died in few minutes Therem
said Mrs. Spoopendyke, .riumphantly,
IL told YOU So
"Show met said Mr. Spoopendyke,
jumping up and Selling the pattern. -
Where dye find such coz gasted non
sense as that? Where is it?'
There, il begins under the ruille,
then it runs over on the band and down
on tho gore. and cnds hctu on III,
plating, knew I'd seen it.
whats the matter with You, yol
measly idiot?" howled Spoopendyke
"This is where you get your political
information. is ito This is the source
! of your intelligence on national affairs
All YOU wait Is two more patterns and
n bald head to be n constitutional law
yer! Three overskirts and a pair Of
spectacles would make you supreme
court judge' What do you think this
is?
isn't it right?" faltered Mrs. Spoop-
endyke. "Did you read from the ruiile
over to the band and down to the
gore"
YES did didn't l?n squeaked Mr.
Spoopcndykc; a4d 30 did you, didn't
you? Do you know what you've got
here?'
'Isn't it a pat"
"Dog-gast the patlernl | mean the
| print. Part of it is about Garfield, part
about Conkling, and tn rest is doc
fight out on Long Island. Know what
it is nowp Think you can understand
it, now I've explained it to youP Oh,
YOU can! You've got brains! Some
day I'm going to run pipe in your cal
and start phosphorus tactoryW And
Mr.. Spoopeadyke danced out Of the
room, leaving it strewn with pattern
dust.
II don't care sobbed Mrs. Spoop
endyke; lit read all right, and thu
skirt fitted so nicely that | supposed
the articles were put together al
straight. And ii was so perfectly nat
tural, anybody might make the sam
mistake. It's so like most of the new
from Washington that I've been ex
pecting it every day." And Mrs
Spoopendyke overcast the sleeve, wit
the serene conviction that, after all
you've got to patch newspaper into
pattern to get at the actual facts some
times. BrookiW Eagte.