The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-04-07
HUMOR.

A matchless story-one in which
there are no weddings.
A down-east girl, who is engaged to
a iumberman, says she has caught a
feller.
Plump girls are said to be going out
of fashion. If this is true, the plumper
the girl the Simmer her chances.
Gentlemen who are continually in
Weighing against fashion worship
should remember that it makes heap
OF difference whose dress is gored.
A chivalrous exchange thinks when
a man marries a widow he should give
up smoking. ''Shc gives up her weeds
he should be equally polite.
1t would be quite easy to pay the
national debt by imposing tax on
beauty. There isn't woman living in
the country who would not demand to
be assessed.
Bridget, / can not allow you to
receive your lover in the kitchen any
longer" '.Its very kind of you,
ma am, but he is almost too bashful to
come into the parlor." r'
Miss Soprano (who has just finished
playing:) '.Did L drop any notes,
Susan?' Her cousin (from the rural
districts:) mo, not us l knows on, but
I'll look under the pianny an see."
Why mourn for Grimes-his daughters live;
On fashions streets we find 'em.
And they wear "Old Grimes's coat"
All buttoned down behind 'em
An aristocratic papa, on being re-
quested by rich and vulgar fellow
for permission to injury zone of his
girls" gave this rathe.' crushing reply:
Certainly. Which one would you
prefer-the waitress or the cook?"
An ambitious girl in Dubuque.
Fell in love with dear foreign duke;
When she learned that his cash
Was all earned "slinging hash,'' s.s
She kicked like Bashi Bazouk.
A young lady was caressing pretty
spaniel and murmuring: 81 do love
nice dog!" '.Ah!'' sighed dandy,
standing near: 81 would were a
dog" ..Never mind" retorted the
young lady, sharply you'll grow
A provoking mistake Charlie, his
sister Grace and her friend are skating
together on the polo grounds.) Charlie
-''This way of crossing arms is really
very confusing" Grace CATER mo-
ment's pause) )-"Stop squeezing my
hand, Charlie. ID sp
A SANDER refuted: George Selwyn
once affirmed in company that no
woman ever wrote a letter without a
postscript. ..My next letter shall refute
you," said Lady c.. Selwyn soon
after received letter from her lady
ship, where, after her signature stood:
"P. S.-Who was right; you OF I?''
Nervous bride, who has been reading
an account of the condition of the
public thoroughfares. to her husband:
MY darling, if you love me you won't
go out to-day" Husband whats
my pootsy wootsy afraid OFF" Nervous
bride-''W ''Why, it was only the other day
that 1 asked you if you knew how to
swim, and you told me you didn't"
Did you ever see a woman slip downp
OF course you never looked, but then !
you've seen them. She don't flourish |
around like an intoxicated jumping
jack, filling the air with arms and bad |
words, as a man, but she simply alb
breviates, so to speak, like a crushed
hat or patent drinking cup. while you
stand by and wonder you never noticed
that hole in the sidewalk before.
They were watching the seagulls
in graceful circles above the
waters of the bay, while the rays of the
sinking sun covered the landscape with
a flood of gold. Finally he turned to her.
and in voice trembling with emo
ton, asked: Darling, if we were sea-
gals. would you fly away with me and
be at rest?'' To which she answered.
with her gaze fixed on a far-off mass of
castellated clouds: .No, George I'd
let you fly away, and then I'd have all
Lhe rest wanted here" /