Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1881-06-09
MRS. MORGAN'S BERCH LAW.


would drink; and, like most men of his
class when it liquor, generally beat his
children and sometimes his wife. Mrs.
Morgan was notable woman, and loved
her hu ,band in spite of all; but after years
of patient forbearance she came to the con-
clusion that Jimmy Morgan, as she called
him, should stop drinking whether or no.
In other words, she resolved on Berch law
of her own.
The occasion was one day when Jimmy
came home to dinner half tipsy, which al
wars happened when he stopped at Sniff
kins' on his way, and he did this, on an
average, about twice a week.
"Now, you Morgan" she said. as soon as
he entered, "you've been at the whisky
bottle again. You needn't deny it. I
know it by your looks; and by your breath,
too. Go away, you nasty beast; how dare
you try to kiss me when you've been drink
ing!'
Jimmy had essayed this matrimonial
caress, hoping it would concilate the guide
wife; but finding his purpose foiled, he
stood upon his dignity.
"Hoity toity," he said, show we put on
airs. Give us some dinner and dont sulk."
| Mrs. Morgan did not often get reused,
but she was now; she put her arms akimbo
and answered:
"Not mouthful of dinner do you get in
this house to-day, nor any other day, till
you can come home sober. So the sooner
you're off the better"
The half tipsy husband looked at her in
amazement. For q moment he thought of
enforcing his will, as he had done before,
but whether he had not drunk quite enough
to rouse his courage, or whether the blaz-
inc eyes of his helpmate frightened him, he
turned, after q little hesitation, and left the
house.
Of course he went straight to the tavern
as Mrs. Morgan rather expected he would.
And of course, when night came, he was
led home thoroughly inebriated, as she
rather wished he would.
He had Just sufficient reason left to
wonder at the extraordinary care with
which his wife, after assisting to undress
him, tucked hin, in bed. But this a
everything else was soon forgotten in a
stupe6ed sleep.
She waited until satisfied that he was
entirely insensible, when she proceeded to
sew the offender up in the sheet exactly as
if he had been mummy. The stitches
were not small, but they were taken with
trebled thread; and she knew they would
hold, especially as he could now use neither
legs OR arms. Once or twice he grunted
as if about to awake, but she stopped g
moment at such times.
At last the proceeding was complete
And now she brought forth cart-whip
which ste had borrowed that afteno' L
from nelghbOr.
"Now, Jimmy Morgan" she said, apos.
trophizing him, I'll cure you of your beast
" habits. Or I'll whip you till you'll be sore
for month.
| 10 !,
brawny arm could layit on; again, again
going to stop. And very soon the offender
reused from his stupor, saw what it was
and began to beg for mercy.
Not till you've promised to leave of
drinking" was the answer; and the blow
descended more vigorously than ever
Swear never to taste liquor again."
"Oh! you'll kill me-you'n kill me"
mo, it will do you good. To think hoy
drunk YOU were ten minutes ago, and nov
to see you rolling about so lively-never tel
Inc, Jimmy Morgan, that I'm killing yo1
after that"
Mercy, mercy, mercy" roared the Grim
inal. How can you, Polly, use your hus
band so?"
81 can and I will" And another shove
of blows descended. "Halloo as much a
you like, for it will do you no good; only,
can tell you one thing, will not rouse tn
neighbors. told them what I was goin
to do if you ever came home drunk again
Hav you had enough yet? Will you prom
at once, OF are you going to hold out still?
ooh, oh, oh" groaned the helpless hus
band, twisting and turning in every direc
ton, but unable to escape the cataract Q
blows, "oh, OH"
will you promise? You'd better do
quick" resumed his inexorable spouse
cor I'll beat you to a jelly. These six yeal
I've borne your drunkenness, but I'll bear
no longer. I've tried coaxing, I've trie
everything, and now I'm trying whipping
You've beaten me often enough, and II
paying you back Promise at once, th
quicker the better, for I'll notlet you u
till you do, even if it keeps me here a
night, and you're sick for year afte1ward.
1t was good while before the crimin'
gave in. He thought his wife would til
out at last. but when the castigator ha
proceeded for some time, and he saw n
symptoms of either fatigue or relentinI
he was compelled to succumb.
I'll swear, I'll swear" he said, at las
I'LL do anything. Only let me up. That
dear, good Polly. OH don't whip me an
more, for I've said I'd swear. Oh! OH"
Mrs. Morgan gave him three or TO,
sound cuts more to make assurance doub
sure" before she administered the oatl
which she did, at last, with the Bible in h,
hands, completing the ceremony by NAL
ing him kiss TIE book.
From that night Jimmy Morgan was me-
er known to taste iqnor. He told
neighbors that he had been SO sick, aft
his last spree, that he had resolved to jo
the temperance society; but he did not te
them what had made him i'll. Mrs. Mo
gan, too, kept the secret, nursing hi
through his bruises. which were Meth
few nor slight. However, as she said
herself, desperate diseases require despe
ate remedies" and SO she never repentt
of the medicine she had administered, ev'
though her husband did not earn doll
for three weeks.