davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Sharp County record., 1881-04-07
A Speculative Yankee.

The real, old fashioned Yankee is still
a fixture among us, though some writer's
would make us believe that he has been
dead for years. There was genuine
specimen in the Erie depot yesterday.
and was explaining to several interested
parties: ..
Father-in-law lives here in Jersey
City, and Pm on visit like. Thought
I'd bring along few traps and things
and GIT up a dicker or two. Any OF
YOU like to invest in that?"
He put out the model of rat trap
and said:
This trap not only catches the var
mints, but it chokes 'em to death,
throws the body out Of that back win
dow and then resets itself. In the top
is an alarm, to 90 off at any hour you
want and wake up the family. Here S
an apparatus on this side for grating
horse radish, and on the other is mill
for grindin' spices. Any of you like to
buy county rightsg"
No one did, and he then placed be-
fore them a vessel, about which he ex-
planned:
This is now water pail. By plac-
ing this iron cover on the bottom it be-
comes kettle. By inverting the cover
you have spider. The pail is half
bushel measure to a grain. Once
around it is exactly yard Its weight
is exactly two pounds, and sell county
rirhtS for 25O zach -
The next was a boot-jack, which
could be transformed into fire-tongs,
press board, stove handle, nail hammer
and several other things. He had an
auour which hnred fnl1r hele5 le t at 66ff &C. g
gimlet which bored square hole, q
washing machine which could also be
made to serve as a tea table, and one
or two other things, and as he reached
the last he said:
Gentlemen, l am full of specula-
tions. I'll invent anything you want.
I'll sell anything I've got I'll take
pay in anything you have, and I'll give
every one of you a chance to make a
million dollars. -HaU Street Ne1OS.
Sharp County record., 1881-04-07
That Frozen Pipe.

When q plumber plumbs new house
he makes provision for the freezing of
the water pipe at some point under the
house. 1t is always at some point which
can be got at by opening trap-door
and crawling less than half a mile
through the darkness. You begin the
winter with the feeling that you will
neither borrow nor lend pail of water,
but will stand ready at all times to SYM
pathize with a neighbor who gets up in
the morning to find his pipes as dry as
a bone. Just as the feeling begins to
put fat on your ribs you go home to
dinner to be met by the cook with the
remark:
81 guess the water has all run out of
the river, for can't get drop to cook
with
You turn the faucets this way and
that. There is hope that she doesn't
know how to draw water, although she
has been in the house for three years.
There is signing in the pipes as if they
had met with some great sorrow down
in their depths, but no water appears.
Under these circumstances it takes
only ten minutes to come to the con-
clusion that the pipe is frozen some
where. Ten minutes more spent in
deep reflection will convince you that
the guilty point is under the addition
where the pipe leaves the ground to
enter the kitchen.
All you need do to is to get candle,
q hammer, pine stick and hot flat
iron. After you have crawled under
and bumped your head on the brick col
umns and raked your back on the joist
and barked your knees on the old iron
hoops which always take up lodgings
under house, you put the tlat-iron to
the cold water pipe. 1t is no use to
try to iron the wrinkles out of a water
pipe. The most you can do is to heat
the pipe, and no man was ever known
to persist in that idea over ten minutes
before adopting the other. Take your
hammer and drive the nail into the pipe.
By drivingnext to the floor and close to
the ground you can tell if the pipe is froz-
en- between. The nail-hOles are easily
plugged up with pine. When you have
come as near as may be to the frozen
spot hold the tlat-iron on the pipe and
settle down for ten minutes of medita-
ton. You won't have travelled down
memory's lane over half mile before
something will happen. The pipe will
burst exactly on a line with your eyes
and you will have cause to wonder all
the rest of your life how gallon of
water could have collected at that one
point for your benefit.
Some men can close a burst in lead
pine by nSn of -hnrala4-4., y iii a l.
and so you must crawl out for rags.
crawl in to wind them over the spot,
yell for string, whoop for the water to
be shut off and crawl out with icicles
hanging to your ears and raging de-
sire in your heart to shed blood. And
yet when you come to shake your fist
under the plumbers nose and offer to
lick him for two cents, he kindly replies:
Burst in the pipe, Ell? Well, I'll
have man there the first thing next
week. "-DetroU Free Press.
Sharp County record., 1881-04-07
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

When a man kicks book agent out
of his shop he should put his whole sole
into his work.-BOStOH Transcript.
1871 does not resemble a pair OF
lovers on sofa, because there is | at
each Philadelphia GbrOntcle-Her-
aid.
The man who doesn't believe in any
hereafter has got a dreadfully mean
opinion of himself and his chances.--
Josh Billings.
"A new book is out called GLOW to
Draw and Paint" There are lots OF
actresses who can paint trSt-rate, but
they do not draw worth cent.-NeU
Orleans Pjcayuae.
The worst about kissing Pittsburg
girl is that you carry the marks OF coal
dust about your nose and other features
till you reach the nearest pump.-B"r-
HngtOn HaDk-Eye.
Some wives are merely burdens to
their husbands. But wife who can
keep the house warm enough for her
husband without a stove ought to be a
great help to him.-Butal0 ETprcSS.
The average woman does not pre-
/ tend to believe half she reads or what
her neighbors tell her. 1t is only when
she whacks up dollar to clairvoyant
that she expects to get the real old
solid gospel truth.-Detr0u Free Press.
The child of very fashionable TAM
lily was sick, and the colOred servant
was sent to the drug store with a pre-
scription. "If the child can not keep
the first powder on its stomach you
must give it another one," remarked
the clerk as he pasted on the label.
"You don't reckon we would give him
the same powder ober agin, does yer?
We amt no poor folks, we amt. "
GdlyeStOB NeCS.
Little siX-years- old was taking his
first lesson in addition, and when the
teacher asked him, eff | were to give
you two cats and another nice lady gave
you two more, how many cats would
you have?" he quickly replied, "Why,
pretty soon | wouldn't have any, for
my mamma would break their necks
with the broom. She don't like cats. -"
-NOrriSto1Un Herald.
During a recent lecture in Provi-
dence, Mrs. LiyermOre, in commenting
on the wrongs which women suffer, re-
marked that when she learned that her
frSt-born was girl, she turned her face
to the wall and wept Not long ago,
when a Chicago man learned that his
third-born was a girl, he turned his face
to the door and kicked. He was al
ready buying sealskin sacques and
striped stockings for two Others
Chicago Tribune.
Sharp County record., 1881-04-07
Ancient Greek Baths.

The ruins of once magnificent bath
ing establishment have been recently
discovered by Professor Giuseppe Novi
not far from Herculaneum. They are
covered with layer Of ashes and lava
of ten metres thickness. What has
been brought to light up to the present
is said to eclipse all previous discoveries
of a similar nature both in Herculaneum
and Pompeii. The fountains and tanks
of these "Terme' are made of Oriental
granite and adorned with sculptures.
The floors are of colored glass mosaic;
unfortunately it is but badly preserved.
The walls of the various buildings are
elegantly ornamented with paintings
and stucco work. The excavations are
to be continued.
Sharp County record., 1881-04-07
How Some Men Are Improved by TheiI
TailOrS.

1.-The fact is that there are very few
men who are formed regularly. What
a professional cutter would call a reg,
ular proportion is measurement OF
thirty-siX inches to the breast and thir-
ty-three inches to the waist Bus those
measurements are seldom met with. "
This was said to Sun reportertin re-
ply to inquiries as to the shapes that are
encountered by tailOrS who make GUS
tom clothing. Experienced cutters say
that they age obliged to make allowance
for peculiar forms inalmost every case.
Many men have one shoulder higher
than the other. This is particularly the
case with those who do much writing.
The right arm is oftenest kept contin-
ually on the desk, while the left arm is
rested and lowered. Naturally in such
cases, a mans right shoulder is raised
and the left shoulder depressed. To
remedy this slight deformity, the ex-
pert cutter must resort to padding.
Talk about padding" said an old
cutter, 4" the men are really padded as
much as the women. Putyour hand on
the shoulder of the first man you meet;
you will find probably that instead of
bony shoulder blade, you will feel a soft
cushion. Watch the men fwafelfg on
Broadway. You will notice that many
of them swing their arms under caves
of padding. Look at the padding in the
breasts of coats and vests. A tailor
finds man caved in, and has to build
him out. That is the reason so many
high vests are worn. Allow vest would
expose the flat, pinched chest"
Chow about the legs?"
The cutter who cannot conceal the
of mans legs is unwor-
thy of his profession. III man is handy
legged, the cutter will make him wide
and roomy pantaloons, in which his
limbs may wander without de-
lection. If he is short-legged the cutter
will fit him snuglY, so that his neither
extremities shall not offend the eye. If
he is long-legged, the cutter adds lit
tie to the length of his body and brings
him apparently into proportion. 1t is a
very common occurrence for man S
right leg to be a little longer than his
left. Often one arm is little longer
than the other. Very often man oc-
cupation gives him a STOPPING position,
so that he seems almost humpbacked.
The expert cutter attends to all these
peculiarities and sees to it that they are
as far as possible concealed.
The military tailors are the greatest
adopts in building up unpromising
forms to become models of soldierly ap-
pearance. They will take lean,
scrawny, consumptive clerk and turn him
out in uniform that makes him quite
a formidable as well as a prepossessing
person. With skillful appropriation of
haircloth, bagging and batting, they
manage to manufacture well-rOunded
forms in almost every case. AS for the
theatrical tailors, their work is often a
marvel of art. Actors with natural
gracefulness of form have sometimes
served as walking advertisements of
tailors. Actors whose line
of characters requires many changes of
fashionable dress are frequently asked
to introduce some new style.-M Y
San,
Sharp County record., 1881-04-07

The following dress was worn at a
recent bridal reception in San Francis
co: A royal purple satin, lined with
crimson; dead gold plaques adorned
the sides; drapery of eau dc Nile silk,
gracefully depending from the -right
snOUfuer, was caught up at the base Of
the train; artistic jardjnieres bordered
the skirt, from which arose vines of
smilax, encircling neck and arms, and
branching off at the back of the head
into sort of bower, which enclosed an
artistic rutf-like arrangement of pea
cocks feathers. tiny harebells wreathed
the brow, and garlands of sunllowers
and tiger lilies fell in graceful festoons
from the shoulders. On each plaque a
motto appropriate to the occasion was
painted.
Sharp County record., 1881-04-07
.SLEIGHLNG.
4 BALLAD OF THE PELLs.

BALLAD OF THE BELLS.
Fun? Well, for fun it cant be beat!
over the gstcung snow TO ride,
Drawn by q nag both strong and ileet
And pretty girl to sit beside
The sun SHINES bright and the clear crisp air
Makes her dimpled cheeks rosy red,
And the fresh breeze toys with her soft brown
hair
As over the road we're swiftly sped.
GGily the moments pass for each.
And, lust as the sinking sun goes down,
The famous DccrfOOt House we reach,
An even dozen miles from town.
A COY room, with blazing fire,
And a tCuInSOWc supper we here obtain,
And then order out the dyer,
Ready to start for home again.
The air seems chill when We first step out.
It's growing cod since the sun went down,
And we closely wrap the robes about,
Then, nicely tXed, we start for town
Under the light of the rising moon,
HOmeWard we swiftly take our flight.
We reach the city all too soon
My fun is DER. I've said good night.
Yes, enioycdit il. But, ON dear,
think / should have liked it more
Had not CHANGED to freeze my ear.
I've thawed it, but it's awful sore.
boston Post.
Sharp County record., 1881-04-07
4 Phenomenal Pair Of Horns.

John Schilling brought to this office
the other day pair of deer horns, sent
by Dave Bunch, the boss hunter Of
Garden Valley. Their size, measuring
two feet eight inches between the two
points furthest apart, will strike all old
hunters as being something more than
ordinary for those of the black tail or
mule deer; but the strangest thing about
the antler5 is the arrangement of some
of the points. From the first prong 60
ing out of the main one quite a number
shoot off from all sides, forming a bunch.
of points at about the center of those of
each antler, instead of-all growing out
of the same side on natures established
plan. Within an inch or two of the
head, where one point from each horn
is the rule, on one of these is -tmo- aud
the other four. There are twenty-five
points in all. but partiality is shown for
one side, it having twelve. This, we
believe, is common occurrence. Old
hunters pronounce this phenomenal
pair of horns. ns.-Idal0 Territory World.
Sharp County record., 1881-04-07

"A chronological exhibition to Illus
trate the various systems of bathing,
bath appliances and kindred matters, is
to be held in Frankfort-on-Main, Ger
many, next summer.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-05-13
Aen aenrl es :.lre l.slesal...

The Ssw Board 81 Fire I5les.g'es nae;
for Organization Las. Monday evening, and
tho credentials showed ihs r.. owing per-
sons entitled 10 seats:
Albany Engine 90. Sol 81 Il. Stewart.
Nathan kaiisky nnd ljnncaa raultlH.
linn Engiuc 20. 30. 2--fias IL simpson,
Jas X Weatherford aud l. u aYpaauys.
igescus Hook and ladder 60 40 l-H
FoS, ~ Il i;!ain and John : Duncan.
Folloaing s. q lisl oi tll4 ne ,,iIicou
Pra.idon.--Goo i SirnpsH.
Secretary Richard I1S,
Treasurer " X Bla.n.
The President appointed tha following
standing committees
IudicIary-c II Stewart, y !sanRln and
l. II bion.Rnyc.
r.inance-I,s Z. H'ea.hertor5, Rankin
and ~ u Blain.
iialcs-s EidisicY,R Fox aud c II stew
ART.
Certificate. -L II Monianye. John \
DutAau aui - itsnain.
~. Ono's engine hoase eas sa}ec,ed as
fhe p!ses for holding il,e auu..a clo4lon,
ani fito following iifemen vcre sp;s1tnsed
e.. ias.aas; . y Alonlaith. Gso lfochsed-
80 sipt = = Wilson.
tslipEiu.s .haI tiie city laws now govern
.a- ti.a Dafarlnout wern very iooseiv con-
: F.sete,l, and ia a0sae cucs ARC radically
wruHg, the matter ~ DRAFTING b,u for
ness oIdidance wa- referred % ille Jad!-
ciary Comml3..e. Ancrh Is reported and
receives tho aanctlon OF ,ho Board it VIII
be aont TO iho Council.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-05-13
isIEss.

BURkHART.-At his residrnes near
thus city, on Saturday last, May.7th, 1881,
q. ID. BuRKEART, IN his 60bh year, after q
lingering illness of several months duration.
Mr.. Burkhart crossed the plains and ar
rived in Oregon in 1916, and has been q res
dent of Linn county Tor over thirty years.
He leaves an aged mother, wife, sons and
daughters, aud a large circle Of other rela-
tives and friends to mourn his loss. The
funeral services took place on Sunday after
nosn in the Congregational Church, in this
city, being conducted by Rev. JOS. Emery,
of Corvallis, assisted By Revs Harris and
Dillon. The Impressive discourse by Prof
Emery was founded on Psalm ciii, l3, IL,
and presented in an affecting light, the faith.
crhood of God and the brotherhood of man.
He belonged to Albany Lodge, No. 4, /. o.
o. f., and the funeral was conducted by
that order, the members walking out to his
late residence and taking charge of the re-
mains. Mr.. 3. belonged to a large family,
all of whom have been and are respected
citizens of our county. His loss viii be
keenly felt by his many friends in this local
lity
RAMSEY, AT the residence Of her neph.
ew, II. r. Ramsey. on Sabbath, May Sth
Mrs. MARIA RAMSEY aged II years and {
months.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-05-13
rarl..er. rnIa.

We he.fd clio following loween tso
farmers, one livngHnear 81 odd, and Ito
other on and Ridee. After the compli-
ments Of tbe day were pessc,l, AIr. \. said
to Mr.. W.. 'liow aro yon goiag 20 harye t
thia yeary'
Mr.. ". W.-"I am going - biai ny grain.
] have au interest 10 header. hgt It Is ge' +.
ting pretty well worn and 'htl i.os nsa i
any moro.'
Mr. NJ" WHAT kind Of n ra1e',ias are you
going to use?7
Alr W.--''An o.b9rae Combined Tsine
and Wire Bigder.
Mr.. y. Why Frank Btos AGENTS say
il Il no good, and that tho 'Tooi's il fho
only naehioo thore s"
Ne W.."Ycs, ~ they 10, md ti.osr iei-
low e4i9 the Same tiau2 latye nra tll
rs saat 0sboreoa olIsf to faf" tviite
binder tits yesr fr ell n,acbies erid lAst
SEASON for 90 wa4 a hn'abne He'i, iha
fact Is. those fsiiaw5 pisreprefeatei, ahd ~
sucb statements ars nsv proven z, be J'ir.
FOR four q ny neishhor, hsye received tbe
t@ine attachments lul there = machine ~
Buehanaus which son esq see i.r yoarseii.
80 all this cry Of hninhag anJ loeare il on 4
pr with laeir last Jtars s.Haarnts. and
are ,nade 70 deceive as iarncrs, apd eel us
machines and ] m.se 10 confidence 81 aaeh
people wlieu t5cir osn iatcr II sftlse.
hlva examined nll the iipl carefully
aud Aut convinced that tle Osborne Taine
Binder Is tbn bost oi tire lou ltjs very ei,n.
Pile and /, easily operated, j. under control
of tho driver at all times eaa1g adjusted to
lon or short straw e eefy eaaes'al thing il
u binder aud the vife attachment furnished
with it is just libo last goar's machine, which
ie- it,o,e was gooi, nu SC go tao perfect
machine for wiiet osbsr agent ci.9rse for
one 50
@r =. "'Ycll. ! VIII go aat SEQ IL. ior I
haze abaat concluded 70 qpis hesliug p,y.
self pi,l l.now yon aro correct about ihe
statements made by rank Brss agents, Tor
they tried to ses ny order iast fall oa that
layoat, bat shsughs uoaIl visit a,d gee ief
myself. and sfn glad chat so. for would
rather have eomldn5i tlsu sipe.e ma
chino. laa some 81 ms srain' eus ias;
year with aa Osborc. and e she irvine j. ~
COOL aa Tho vira tpder'I ui1 ae aatislie@,
aad shali certainly 20 and eee i'. aad a'a
very glad I iost sou.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-05-13
SOCIETY. ssp PERSONA so1E-.
Ys noble sport of Archer.ce

Ys noble sport of Archerce
Doth flourish In Alban-ea.
George Settlenlier is nowwlth Phil Cohen.
Col. Joseph Teal. of Portland, is in the
city.
Miss Maggie Foster visited Salem last
week.
Sir. Z. T. sprague. Of Portland, spent last
Sunday in the city.
Postmaster Raymond and lady spent last
Tuesday in Salem
Mack Brunk, of Polk County, is visiting
his brother in this city
The Albany Archery club got '.scoopod'
in scrub match last Monday.
Mr.. G. d. Lownsdale, Of Portland, made
Albany visit on Sunday last.
Mr. Sam May and family, of Harrisburg,
spent last Sabbath in this city.
w. b. Barr starts for Baker City soon on
surveying trip for Uncle Sam.
Remember the German picnic next Mon
day. No postponemcnt this time.
Mrs. Lyle met with an accident this
week, severely spraining her ankle.
Mr.. VIM. A. Peterson is on the street
again after an illness of several days.
L. Elkins and Jas. ssttle, OF Lebanon,
made Albany visit Wednesday last.
n. 4. Jenoe and Joi,a a. DunIsp, oi
Brownsville, were i, tic city this week.
Eas. J. Issdpath, Jeferson's obligiuq
druggist, was in the city few days ago.
I. L. Dagger, one of sodayilles corpulcnt
aldermen, paid us visit last Wednesday.
Mr. Ala Harris left town last Tuesday for
q trip down the country of two or three
days.
Mr.. RObt. johns, of Halsey, one of Linn
county's solid men, was in the city last
Friday.
Miss Ncttio Piper visits Salem each week
ON Friday and Saturday where she has i
large class in music.
J Rev.sA. M. Acheson, of 0akville, was in
the city this week and made the DEmocRAq
Office pleasant call.
Fred Blumberg will rest up awhile and
take in the picnic season, having given up
his position at Cohen's.
Miss Libbie L. Irvine went to Halsey yes
terday on visit to her sister, Mrs. w. II
Castor, of that place.
Mr.. JAS. Morgan, brother of John ant
Miller Morgan, of this county, left last Mon
day for trip to Texas.
Mr.. VIII B. Rice, the obliging agent 0
the 0. and G. r. r. has been quite sick thil
week, but is now improving.
There was no meeting at the Z 2. G. A
Hall last Sabbath on account of Mr.. 6. D
Burkharts funeral. The subject selecte,
for last week, Luke 1926, viii be continues
next Sabbath.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-05-13
Join UMPHREl
ssersossoplc views.

Mr.. j. G. Crawford, of Harrisburg, made
US pleasant call this week Mr. Crawford
Is building up reputation as ono Of the
best photographers on the Northwest
coast. He makes n speciality of sterooscopic
views, and has fine collection of views
representing the magnificent scenery Of the
Columbia River. Yaquina Bay and vicinity,
rs well as various other parts of Oregon aud
the Northwest. Mr.. Crawford has made his
business a thorough study, aud these views
are executed in n very superior manner. Any
of our readers who have friends in tho East
could select no better method of giving them
an idea of Oregon scenery than by sending
them some Of Mr.. Crawfords views. He
publishes neat little catalogue, which viii
be sent FREQ to any address.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-05-13
The waiter 4. Woed sslu Ahead.

sec what tho President OF tho ian
County Council says Of tho Wood bin der:
ALBANY, April 30, 1881.
Geo. y. Simpson
SIH-liaying used WA. Woods Ifsrvt eler
in tho harvest OF 1870 found IL maci iine
of very light draught. H. wss ariang gad
for three horses, but 1 thought two eouid
have done the work with case. The bind
Ing was complete. the bundles were OF
uniform size, and tho amount OF twinc
used was about one pound per aero in
wheat that averaged - bushels per acre.
/ was well pleased with tho machine, and
havo ordered one for my own use.
g. Il. CRAWFORD.
Also read this, from n prominent farmer
of Center Precinct
ALBANY, Aug. %.
Messrs Frank Bros, Poygtdad. Or.
GESTs:I cut "a acres Of grain with
your Wood Twine Binder this season, and
for tho Harvester ] believe 10 To be tho
best made, and for the Binder 1t is per.
feet success. 1t gives no trouble, and does
good binding. The amount OF twine used
was 52H pounds, which made the cost 80
cents per acre. white wire in the same
grain costs 30 cents per acre.
Yours truly,
JOHN UMPuREY.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-05-13
All r2iads OF Lun,l.cr.

We have for sale, both at LebaAon and
Grass Ridge. 800, 900 feet of all kinds Of lum-
Der, such as scantling, ioists, barn timbers,
boxing, fencing. and other rough amber.
At Lebanon we have Superior lot of dry
lumber, such as rustic, flooring. etc. Owing
to the late fire, we are offering this lumber at
reduced rates. Address us at lebanon.
CONN BROTHERS.
IrnANov, Or, Jaly 81, 1850.
The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1881-05-13
gierlign % oaleers

At iis annual n,cr tine or The I,ea-ae Book
and Ladder Company. hell lsstI'rilay even
ing. tlc following eaicers wer- elected f,r
the on8ning year:
President III J Clark.
Seeretary--W Il Bisiu.
Fin See Richard Fox.
Treasurer simon Seitenhaea.
Foremaa, !; - Wilson.
1T Asst II Davidson,
FL Aas't-G A Han,
Tiliwman s Krape.
Dslegztes-2 Fox, " z E.=ip, J : Dun.
can.
Seven now members were tasen ia. and :
committee was appointed 50 s.p,l 20 Ne',
York Tor thirty fire hats.