Connecticut western news., 1881-09-07
WIT AND WISDOM.

empty onep When it has not single man in it.
 MAN often wants a light for his "weed," and the widow wants spark for hers.
 IF you want to get rich, mount a mule, because when you are on mule you are better of.
 THROWING dice may seem all right, young man, but remember, if persisted in, the dice will throw you at las'.
 IT is just after man has received his bill for a weeks seaside board that he realizes that there is no place like home.
 SWIFT to the picnic ran the man,
 He lightly climbed the fence,
 And limped thereafter, as he ran,
 With slivers taken thence.
 AN ounce of your own spirit IS worth pound of other peoples, and a thou sand barrels of the article sold in the drug stores. | THERE is 8 man in St. Louis who has a wonderful memory. It is thought the city will eventually employ him to re- member the Sabbath.
 "MARK how plain tail shall put you down." said the COW to the milk maid, as she switched her of the milk stool into the mud.
 IT is 8 very singular fact that build CTS, before commencing to erect all edi- fee, proceed to "spile" the ground upon which it is to stand. WE are told that mans body is three-fourths composed of water, but it is hard to believe this while looking at the noses of some of our public officials.
 "OBL1aAT1oN," said Hobbs, ''is thral- dom, and thraldom is hateful" When the philosopher said that he must have been on the obligatory end of ten days note.
 MEN are so credulous that they be- lieve any amount of evil told of neigh Dor, and at the same time so incredu- lous that they can't possibly believe any good.
 IT is said that thirty persons in small town in Michigan were poisoned recently by eating sausages. This comes from leaving brass collars on dogs.
 "YouTH at the prov and pleasure at the helm," as the bumblebee remarked when he un-ended himself on the boy who was just stirring up the nest with hoe handle.
 "No MAN can do anything against his will, said a metaphysician. "Can't he though p exclaimed a villainous.looking man standing near; "I had brother who went to Botany Bay against his will, anyhow"
 A YOUTH, after vainly trying to ex- plain some scientific theory to his fair inamorata, said, "The question is diffi- cult and I don't see what can do to make it clearer." Suppose you pop it l" whispered the blushing damsel.
 "How is it, my dear, that you have never kindled flame in the bosom of any man ?" said an old lady to her pret- ty niece. To which the young lady re- piled: "The reason, dear aunt, is, as you we'll know, that am not good match"
 AN awkward waiter, handing plate to a gentleman, spilled some of the gravy upon his clothes, and immediate ly cried out: "Take care, siri" "Why, you rascal" exclaimed the gentleman, who thought he had suffered enough from the fellows negligence, Care you going to do it again ?"
 THE proprietor of a cotton mill put this notice on his factory gate: "No cigars or good-looking men admitted" In explanation he said: "The one will set flame agoing among my cottons, and tother among my gals. I won't ad- init such dangerous things into my es- tablishment. The risk is too great" CIRCUMSTANCES alter cases, says an ex- change. A lady, in a ballroom. will wear dress that would subject her to arrest, displayed upon the street. She will wear a bathing costume consider ably curtailed at both ends, and stand the stare of thousand eyes ; but if by | accident she should be seen in a robe de nuit, buttoned closely from throat to feet. she would raise the roof with her screams. O, fashion! thou art great l fraud.
 A POOR young man fell in love with an heiress, and the passion being re- turned, it only wanted the parents con- sent to make them happy. At length, meeting the father, he asked for the daughters hand. "How much money can you command ?" asked the million aire grufly. "Not much," was the re- ply. "What are your expectations ?' "Well, to tell you the truth, I expect if you refuse your consent, to run away with your daughter, and. marry her without it." | THE EARLY FALL MOSQUITO. 'Tis not because he hummeth | On airy wing, | That you may know he cometh l Your flesh to sting. l He bobbeth up serenely
 To take a bite, So quietly and meany, | With silent spite; | And thus you furnish meat to
 The early fall mosquito, At bars and screens he laugheth, | So 1.-the and small.
 And blood he freely quaffeth, In spite of all.
 His sharp phlebotomiziny
 By day and night, | Corpuscles antlyzing