The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-01-13
The Sorrows and Joys OF Royalty.

Gar. With ordinary monarchas the
sorrows and burdens OF royalty are suf-
ficient to outweigh its joys. The I'M
easiness of the slumber of the crowned
head has long been proverbiul. If a
ruler who is beloved by his people and
whose dominion is undisturbed by war
fare or conspiracy have difficult time in
composing himself to rest, what must
the Cars pillow be? Common people
sometimes see ghosts Mt night, but the
ghosts which appear to them are tame
and lovely creatures as compared with
those which torment the midnight hours
of the unhappy Gar. The Gar S ghosts
carry poison and all manner OF deadly
weapons and make the most desperate
threats. They are SO numerous that 1T
does not pay to bind them over to keep
the peace. The methods OF assassin
ton with which they threaten their vic
tim are so various AS to defy preventive
| ingenuity. The Gar has to have his
food analysed, and in order that some
! lurking elements of mischief may not
dodge the analysis he compels some
of his attendants first to partake OF
what is set before him. Thus they have
the advantage of the original attack upon
! the yiands, while the Gar must, in order
| to gain the full benefit of this plan of
safety, wait until he sees whether or not
they fall dead. This practically makes
| him regular eater at the second table.
| The dyspepsia and other ailments EN-
| gendcred by this method of dining are
rapidly making the Gar II candidate for
the experiments of all the quacks in the
Russian Empire. He is afraid of Rus
sian doctors and Russian remedies, the
only nostrnms he dares to take being
those which are sent in sealed packages
from this country. When the court
doctors prescribe for him and he takes
their doses. it is with the understanding
that for each dose he takes the pre-
scribing doctor first swallows one of
ca ual size in the presence of the imperial
invalid 1t is only by this means that
he is certain that oxalic acid Is not given
him for EPSON salts or strychnine for
Peruvian bark.
One of the most uneasy experiences of
the Gar is when he travels. 70 even
the ordinary traveller there Is constant
danger of collision or arrangement. To
the Gar these dangers are multiplied
thousand fold. The anticipation OF his
Journey is cheercd by the receipt of nu-
/
of the anonymous writer's to tip his train
off the track or otherwise to interfere
with its running arrangements. just
now His Majesty is about to take run
from Livalia to st. Petersburg. In
stead OF taking his carpet bag in his hand
and quietly going, without making any
/ fuss about it, he is compelled to put
! himself to the most extraordinary
/ Inconvenience to thwart the plans OF
those who would Stay him. There are
several lines OF railway, of which he can
/ take his choice On each of these lines
will simultaneously be sent II special
train. As IA part of the journey is made
in the night, the Gar hires great null
titude of people to stand like stieet lamps
along both sides of each road, and with
/ torches and other light-giving nppa-
ratus do what they can towards turning
night into day. In one of the trains
lighted. he is to be concealed, and the
faithful subjects who hold the torches on
each of the roads will suppose that they,
rather than any of the others, are illu-
minating the path of their sovereign. 1t
/ is possible that, with all this pomp OF
precaution. the poor monarch Will have
! furtiVely slipped off beforehand III an
ordinary train, disguised rs peanut
| peddler or vender of railroad sand
wichcs. Arriving at st. Petersburg. it
may be only to find that the palace and
it's surroundings are newly undermined
ANA supplied with dynamite, so us, with
one bang, TO finish him and all that he
has. As it is misery for him to live, 1t
is comparatively pleasant for the Car
to contemplate the probability OF beng
taken off; unless he is afraid OF beng
more uncomfortable where he next goes
than in his present state of existence.
In pleasant contrast TO the deliberations
suffered by the Gar is the easy flow of
the peaceful life of the amiable gentle
man who expects some day to he hinS
of England. The Prince OF Wales has
nothing to do except to eat, drink ana De
merry He goes to agricultural lairs
and to exhibitions of prize ANIMALS. lie
runs in debt as much rs he pleases, and
every body in the kingdom Is Wiling to
trust him. The other day he went to
where there was II prize pig, and some
ladies asked him if the creature was not
both sweet and lovely. To this he re-
piled that it was both of these. Then "a
manufacturer OF prize mustard came
along and desired the Prince to taste the
condiment The obliging scion of roy
atty pleasantly put his thumb into the
lar, as the traditional Horner did INTO
the pie. Instead of pulling ont plum
he pulled out mustard, which he kindly
tasted and unhesitatiugly approved. 1t
is n great honor to be Mustard Maker
TO the Prince of Wales Had mustard
thus been offered to the Gar he would