Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1881-03-11
IN GENERAL.

A New Orleans man lately cabled to n
friend in Cuba, "Send me one or two
monkeys" The reply came back, ship
ped you IS will send rest as soon rs can
be found" The telegram had gone,
"Send me 102 monkeys" The balance
of 81 has been countermanded.
Commenting on Dr. Gordon Holmes s
advice to singers TO wear flannel, n con-
temporary urges that in many cases the
best place for it would be over the mouth
and carefully doubled.
1t is reported that Mr.. Baroness Bur-
dett- -Coutts doesn't call her his "dear
little baby" This is losing one of the
happiest enjoyments of the honeymoon.
Bridget, 1 cannot allow you to receive
your lover i'll the kitchen any longer.
almost too bashful to come into the par
lor."
This is the time of year when boarding
house boiled eggs lay on the boarder's
stomach for week. 1t seems that the
eggs lay more rs the hens lay less
Rochester DcMOcrat
The habits of American girls marrying
Italian counts has slackened up little of
late 4 life of following around hand
organ and passing the tamborine for pen
MES is not as attractive rs formerly. -
Turner'S Falls Reporter,
A Galveston man, j. IIafney by name,
who is in the interior Of the State, re-
ceived letter from his wife the other
day. 1t read: Dear husband, | have
been very anxious about your personal
safety ever since l read Of that cattle
train being wrecked.
A woman may be as homelysas drove
of camels, and as uninteresting as n coun
terfeit detector, but as soon as her hus-
band is elected to Congress, and they
take up their residence in Washington
and give receptions, she becomes ''hand-
some and fascinating"-i the newspa-
pers.-There are no blanks. -NorriStoun
Herald
Sara Bernhardt Indignantly denies the
story that n lightning-rod was put in her
stocking on Xmas Eve.
Prisoner behind the grating of a cell
in the Tomhs. Visitor-"What are You
i'll here for, contempt 2" II hope not, |
haven't got SO low rs that yet. Why, I'm
in for n simple drunk osl Y"
Il told her I'd never smoke another
cigar" he said softly, "and l won't n
pipes good enough for ME, and he drew
a match over the leg of his trousers.
In the Senate Chamber ut Washington.
the chaplain offered the Lords prayer.
When he had finished, Doolmey leaned
over to Josonby, and remarked: HE
stole that prayer, and I'll bet doodle
on it, for | heard the same ideas express
ed in Eureka at funeral over two years
ago"
1t is mighty embarrassing 10 man who
has some religious friends staying with
him TO have his dog. which has been very
quiet during week days, begin right after
breakfast Sunday to run to the gun in the
corner and turn TO his master and wag
his tail, and then run back to the gun
again. Beekman will keep his dog Chain
ed hereafter.
A Maryland man was kicked by mule
a stroke of lightning Some men would
have seen special Providence in this.
But he didn't. He cursed that the light
ming didn't strike him i'll time TO get him
out of the way of the mule-Post.
A Frenchman is about to be beheaded.
Under the guillotine n priest approaches
him and says: my friend, have you
any last wish to make? The wish of the
dying man is sacred" "Yes, replied the
doomed man, 81 want TO learn Eng
lisl.