Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1881-12-23

ana pointing 10 deatb-notice, said:
the name OF the writer so that can chastlse him.
The editor read as follows:
ave have lost our little Hammer in very painful
manner,
And we often asked, How can her harsh suffer-
When her death was first reported, her aunt got
Win the grief that she supported, for it made
her feel foriorn.
''she was such little seraph that her father, who
is sheriff,
Really doesn't seem to care If he ne'er smiles in
He again.
She has gone, We hope, to heaven at the early age
or seven
Funeral starts of at eleveD), where she'll never
more have PAIN
"As consequence of this, / withdraw all the
county advertising IRON your paper. A man who
could trffe in this manner with the feelings of a
parent IL, Is savage and scoundrel!n
his head upon the table and grOaned.
Really Mr.. Slilnmer said, "that person must
b. deTanSed. tried, in his case, to put myself in
his place, and TO write as il was one OF the fan-
~. according to instructions. The beau
tIul That ausi0n to the GRIEF the aunt particu-
riy, seemed to me to De very happy. It expresses
Violent emotion with "A felicitous combination OF
sweetness and force. These people nave no soul
no appreciation of the beautiful in art
While the poet unused, hurried steps were heard
upon the stairs, ana in a moment middle-aged
man dashed In abruptly. and Selling the colonel's
scattered hair. bumped his PROSTATE head against
the table three or four times with considerable
force Having expended the violence OF his enc
ton in this nanner he held the editors head
down with one hand, shaking it occasionally by
way OF emphasis and with the other hand seized
the paper ana s1id.
u on dsgracsful old reprohate! You disgusting
vampire. IOu hOaTy-headeti old ghoul. What d'you
mean by putting such stuff as this in your paper
about my deceased son? What d'yOu mean by
printing such aW.ui doggerei as this YOU dpnraV-
Ell and dssnlute ink-Snger-you imbeciie Quill
driver. you.
- oh, bury Bartholomew ont i'm the woods
In II beautiful hole IN the ground.
NherY. the bnInble-bees buzz and the wood peck
efS sing,
Ana the stradde-bugs tumble around;
so that In winter, when the snow and the slush
Have covered his last little bed,
His brother Artemas can go out with Jane
And visit the place With his sled
''Ill teach you to talk about straddle-bugs. III
instruct You about sllslil Ill enlighten your in
sane ola Intellect on the subject OF singing wood
pe';kefs " hat DO you know about Jane and Ar
iem..s. you Wretched bUccaneer, you desplcable
butcher OF the English language? Go out with a
sled! III carry you cut in hearse before I'm
done with you, YOU deplorable lunatic -
AT the end OF every phrase the visitor gave the
EDITORS mead fresh knock against the table.
planned and apologiZed in the humbleSt MANNER
promising at the same time to give his assaant a
arrive in a few moments
THE treachery o. this man." rnurmured the
poet to the foreman, 'is dreadful. Didn't he desire
me To throw glamour OF poesy over comuonDiace
details? But Tor thai should never have thought
OF a!iuiing To WCOdpeckers and bugs, and other
Children OF Nature. The MIN objects ~ the re-
iidfkS about the sled. Can the idiot know that il
was necessary to have rhyme for bed? Can he
suppose that could write poetry without rhymes?
The man Is lunaIic. He ought not to be at
large"
HaIdly had the indignant and energetic parent Of
bartholomew UcpJfU1l. when a man with red hair
and a ferociouS glare in his eyes entered, carrying
c!uo and accompanied by a Savage-l looking dog
ii want to see The editor" he shouted
CHASTITY pallor over-spread the cOlonelis face,
ana he said,
..The editor is not in.n
well, when trtu lie be in. then?-
Not for q Wcek-for a month-fOr year-for-
ever He Will never come i'll any more - scream
ed Bangs. HE has gone to South America. with
the Intention TO remain there during the rest of
his lie. He has departed. He has fled. Ii you
want TO see him. you had better follow him to the
equator. He viii be glad TO see you. would i'd
wise, you as friend, TO take the next bOat-to
''That is unfortunate, said the man; 81 came all
the Way from Delaware City for the purpose of
battering him up a lot with this club"
.'He viii be sorry" said Bangs sarcastically.
''He viii regret missing you viii write 70 him,
ana I'm mention that You dropped in"
10 break tie head OF the man who wrote that obit-
uary poetry about my wife. II you don't tell me
who perpctrated the following I'll break aOsu.,s for
YOU W mere 5 the man WHO wrote this? Pay at
tentiOn:
Mrs McFadden has gone from this life;
She has lett all its Soirows and cares;
She caught the rheufndtics in both Of her legs
1hey put must ara paoterS uponner ia vain;
They bathed her with whisky and rum:
But Thursday her spirit departed, and lett
Her body entirely nuInb.''
'.The man who held the late Mrs McFadden up to
the scorn OF an unsympIthetir world in that shock
ing m1nner,7 said the editor, lis Named James b.
Simmer. He boards in BLANK street. fourth door
rom the corner. | would advise you to call on
him ana aYenge Mrs NcFadden's wrongs with an
interfniXture Of club and dog hiJeSn
''And this, signed the poet outside the door, sis
N 4, n N..lr
from contemplation o. The horrors of the tomb IL
was this monster who cCunseled NE to make the
sunshine OF NcFadden's smiles burst through the
tempest OF McFaddeDs tears. Ii that red-headed
monster couldn't smile that allusion to whis-
Ky and rum, il those remarks about the rheu-
matism in her legs could not divert his mind
from the horrors OF the tomb was it lny fault !?
McFadden grOycls, He knows no more about
chisrn.n
The poet determined to leave before any more
criticisms were made upon his performances. He
jumped down from his chair and crept softly To-
ward the back staircase.
The story told by the foreman relates that Colo
ncl Bangs at the same instant resolved to escape
any further persecution and he moved off in the
direction taken by the poet. The two met upon
the landing, and the colonel about to begin his
quarrel with Simmer, when an enraged old wo-
man who had been cropping her way up stairs sud
denly plunged her umbrella at Bangs, and held
him in the corner While she handed copy of the
Argus To Simmer, and pointing to certain STAN
"a. asked him to read 1t aloud. He did so in a
somewhat tremulOuS voice and with frightened
Chances at the enraGed colonel. The verse Was as
follows:
"Iittle Alexanders dead;
Jam him in q cOffin
Don't have as good a chance
For a fun'ral often.
Rush his body right around
To the cemetery;
Drop him in the Sfpuchre
With his Uncle Jerry"
The cOlonel's asSailant accompanied the recita-
ton with such energetic remarks as these:
''Oh, you willin! Dyou hear that, you wretch I?
What dyOu mean by writin' OF my grandson
in that way? Take that you serpint Oh,
YOU wiper, you, tryin' to break a lone
wiIder'S heart with such scandlus lies
Is them! There, you willin'! l kenmore to
hammer you well with this here umbreler YOU oW-
d2ciouS wiper, you Take that, and that You
vile, indecent, disgustin' wagabOne! When Won
know well enough that Aleck never had no Uncle
Jerry and never mad Ito uncle in no sepulchre apy-
how, you vile wretch, you -
When Mr. Simmer had concluded his
portion of the entertainment, he left the
colonel In the hands OF the enemy, and fed He
has not been seen in New Castle since that day
and IL is supposed that he has returned to Sussex
county Tor the purpose OF continuing in private his
daiuance With the MUSES.. Colonel Bangs appearS
10 have abandoned the idea OF establishing a de-
partinent OF obituary poetry. and the Argus has
Resumed It's accustomed aspect OF drearineSS.
IL may fairly boast. however, that once during
Its career it has produced a profound impression
upon The community.