The Sunday herald. [volume] (Washington [D.C.]) 1866-1887, 1881-01-23
rHoMAssoN,s LovE-MAKINe.
Inexcusable Sparkling of His Girl by
Proxy.

j. Aylesfutd Thomasson, a well-to-do
young tf1dace bibkef u, doihg business on North sort
known young society lady of thls city. and residing
on Van Ness avenue. lie is the accepted suitof but
very radical difference of temperament Keeps Mf.
Thomasson In constant uneasiness that the acceptance
may be retractcd. The lady IS not only young ana
beautiful, stylish and accomplished, but she has the
many thousands of additional charms OF being the
lieiress. She Is also exceedingly sentimental and
very fersent adihitet Of fpnance and of chivalry.
ss Is sSIsIs s m s to e r For
she considers that Thotasson should ang around her
residence after she had retired to her apartment and
gaze up at her window, posturing In the many at
titudes of detected lover singing roundeays, catch
ing the influenza, and having the starry guardian OF
Now Thomasson is Intensely practical and desPising
the sentimental nonsense, he rushed round and got
fellow who look d like him to do the heavy work OF
his love making. This individual, with few slight
alterations which consisted of pulling out couple Of
front teeth, cutting off sinall piece Of the right
ear crooklng the TO an acute angle with the lett
side Of the face, and fattenng up about twenty five
pounds, was perfect Counterpart OF Thonlasson.
After this -blooded and calculating substitution
for himself Of Of whose straits were such MS to
reduce him to a willingness to degrade himself In
to bogus :" "Roneo'' to do the balcony scene
sed to go TO bed early, that early he might arise and
be healthy and wealthy and wise, and used to feictae
to ses w mad e for ,nSas S When e, s
would leave the abode of his hanct he would sklfuy
.'ring tho bocdle,' with his eonscienceless
was certain that sleep had overpowered the young
iady,s love OF the romantic, would loter around the
house heaving tired sgs, singing brlbed love- songs
catching rctrlbutive colds. and occasionally being
pulled by policeman on the suspicion that he was
about burge the mansion. Butman proposes, woman
accepts every chance she gets and God disposes. In
| other words, "Thero's Divinity that shapes our
| ends, rough hew them how we will.' The Divinity
that had shaped Mr.. Thomasson's lower ends had SO
generously shaped them that they imperatively re-
qured pair OF large tens. ON the other hand, or,
reproperly speaking. ON the other feet homasson'
double wore only small sizes, Last Saturday morning
the young lady. walking In the garden and thinking
Of her lover, came accidentally upon some footprints
| made the preceding night, when Thomasson's sui
had stamped impatienty at the dread that juliet
would not retire before the closing hour Of tho beei
cellars She noted the discrepancy Of Size and that
very night when Mr.. Thomasson called. she said Il
him, 'Aylesford my dear darling, why dom you weai
your nice little tinty teeny boots that you had on last
night? You look Just too awfully cunning In them
Yesterday forenoon Thomasson saw his SUBJ but there
Is a line beyond which the conscience Of even III,
latter Will not permit him to go, and he draws thai
line at the boots No Increased allowance OF beer vii
induce him to ascend so hopelessy as into pair o
number ten boots In his desperation, Thonass0I
last night asked EIdmfHer reporter for some advice
Tho only prescription the latter could think Of wa
that TlonassoD should accidentally, ON purpose, per
nit street car to run over his ankles and cut tn
feet off, The suggestion did not appear to he wei
received. San francisco EIdmintr.