The Dillon tribune. [volume] (Dillon, Mont.) 1881-1941, 1881-09-24
"a Tie 2iae.

When woman tells you. you are just
,.orrid, propose at once. Never fear the
consequence. She will not say no.
The young lady who could not make
'.er bangs stay bung said she was having
TUT time of it-Detroit Free Press.
Bob Ingersoll notes that the State Prls-
Q" Is full Of only children. 1t Is best on
the whole to have twins.-New Haven
Register.
Roscoe Conkling, It is said, has already
three $4,000 retainers. These are brani
new. His old retainers have left him ono
by one.
Tanner now proposes to fast ninety days1
Sl,akespeare's gravedigyer says tanner
will last nine years, and we begin to fear
this one will.
A Goldfish produces 36S6,76o eggs1
There's millions waiting for the man who
succeeds in crossing the Goldfish with the
hen.-Boston Post.
Joseph Arthur has written play called
nightmare" The "Nightmare" should
prevent the audience going to sleep. II
probably will.
We have just read handkerchief firta-
ton code, and advise all men desiring to-
avoid breach Of promise suits 10 wipe their
,noaths with their coat.tails.
A Missionary near Gibboon, Africa, has
recently been eaten by the natives. They
truly loved the man. They said he was
good enough to eat and then they ate him
The Hartford Post says: Philadelphia
'.gin mills are adorned with canary BIRDS
We might have lived in that city year
and not have found them out.-Boston
Post.
Young man, never brag Of your drink
ing exploits. The other fools will not be.
lieve you, and your story may come to the
ears of some one whose good opinion you
may wish to retain.
A lot Of Boston girls are going West in
bunch to get married. Poor 10, s when
you all skipped to plains we thought YOU
would be safe; but, alas! they're on the
trail.-Detroit Chatf
The Kansas papers tells Of a man in that
State who has two hearts. We reckon
they beat as one. But ii that man could
only fill to them what lovely flush
he would have Burlington llawkeye.
1t is hard to tell which is the more
ridiculous, the young fool or the old fool
hut the old fool has this advantage: he will
never be young fool, whe' cas- the young
fool may some day be an old fool.
When you are told story, my son
never remark, "That isn't the way hearc
it," etc. Don't you know that stories art
told to give pleasure to the teller, and no
to the hearer?-Boston Transcript.
Nature is like baby because there is I
squall when its face is washed.
Be careful about trusting secret to oil
Father Time, for there is a proverb, yo'
know, that Time will tell.
One is as tight as ri9et, and the othe
Is as tight as trivet. This Is difisrenc
between drunken and sober man.
The man who doesn't get mad and ru,
as fast to get his COW out OF his neighbor
corn-fc!d rs he does to get his n.ighbor'
COW out of his own, hasn't got the answe
to the golden rule.
A lady who had taken CONSIDERABLE
trouble to be in fashion, upon being toll
that lemon.b.onde hair was no longe
fashionable, exclaimed: oh! shall dye
A company Of settlers, in naming the
new town, called it Dictionary, becaus
AS they said, that's the only place wher
peace prosperity and happiness are alway
found
Some Of the girls Of the period are par
ing their hair on one side. They do tn
because they do not wish to look like Il
soft young men who part their hair in II
middle.
",rhat's the girl left behind me-
answered without stopping in his vi
fight, the girl he referred to being afr
him with a raw hide, to chastise him {
transferring his attention to another.
London Judy: Old lady Ito graz
SOM: "Ah, jennie, there's three thin
would like We to remember. Fir
never climb up trees after apples, because
We wait long enough they will come dos
toye. Second, never run after vnu'
women, because if ye wait long enough III
will run after ye. Third, never-al "
Johnnie I'll tell ye that to morrow."
Oxen.
The following is the composition Of
little boy in the Rishop Scott Gra,nm
School, Portland Ore, given ,erb"fim
Hicratim.:
Oxen is very slow animal. They
very good to break up ground. l wo'
rather have horses II they didn't have col
which they say is wind collected II
bunch which makes it dangerescr to ke
horse than oxen. If their were no hor
people would have to wheal there wood
wheal barrow. 1t would take them t
or three days to wheal cord m
Cows are useful to. heard some peo
say that il they had to be on or a C.