Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1881-08-26
NO. 81.

Then he asked me in an impressive man
ner Are you good pie baker 2"
Before 1 had time to answer, Mr.. Cheese
man came up to us, rubbing his hands with
hospitable fervor.
'Pitch in now, and eat like you was at
home. The heft of the vttles amt teched
yet, and on he went, chuckling with glee to
see how Hammer Mari's pies were relished.
After Abe had eaten another pie or two, he
took brown paper parcel from his coat
pocket The paper contained peppermint
drops and most atrocious lozenges, made of
plaster of-paris, 1 think but the beauty of
the latter were the sentences printed on them
in red letters. These sentences we're all of an
amatory nature, and Abe selected those with
the tenderest sentiments and gave them TO
me with meaning looks. The pies had prob
ably warmed his heart. One lozenge had in
scribed on il
"If you love me as I love you
No knife can cut our love in tWo."
"Ain't that 80 p he asked, hitohing his
chair little nearer me. An answer from me
was unnecessary, for he handed me another
abomination that read:
"will you be my true and loving wife7
To live with me all the days Of your life ~
Now, could any ones heart fail to be
touched by the beauty of that couplet2 Mr.
Crockett thought not. He hitched his chair
SInl ClOber anu leaneQ over me.
81 am in dead earnest about that" said he.
when l first seen you to night, says to
myself, 1 says, there's the gal for me. 1 al
lus would have the best in the market. Now
l amt such a bad looking fellow, am L? And
I've got hundred dollars in the bank that
Uncle Eben left me and pap says whenever
l get spliced he'll gim me piece of land of'n
his'n, and q nice yoke o. oxen. lowed your
folks would give you a settin' out in bed
clothes, dishes and sich truck, won't they
Come, now, what dye say 2"
was struck speechless at this unexpected
proposal. 1 could not find words TO reply.
Mr.. Crockett evidently thought silence gave
consent and think he would have attempt
ed the affectionate in another minute If Jim
had not come to the rescue.
He was not pleased wich the events Of the
evening. Corinda Bakers gorgeous toilet
had not been without effect on him. And as
Abe had been her escort, and was now play
ing the devoted to me, he thought it was too
much. He stalked over to US and said "Abe
Crockett, you are playin smash keepin this
lady over here in the corner. 1 know she
was tired listening to your CAB half an hour
ago."
rose quietly to go with Jim, but Mr..
Crockett threw himself in a dramatic attitude,
and said to Jim: 81 reckon you'll let her
take her choice about goin' or stayin', won't
your" And turning to me with the most in
sinuating smile, 'Now you choose betwixt us,
and don't you be afeared. 1 amt goin' to
low nobody to hurt ye." But the choice 1
made was to walk hastily away with Jim. 1
did not even dare to glance at Abe.
Once safely across the room. beside Sary
Jane, breathed again. Robinson was call
ing, "After-supper polky; trot out your
partners for an after-supper polky." At the
same time he walked toward me with an air
of
''see, the conquering hero comes"
violin in hand
Il s'pose you'll be willin' to pace through
this pOlky with me, )" said he with the conf
dence of man who cannot be refused. l was
just beginning TO make some desperate kind
of excuse, when Abe Crockett put in an ap-
pearance.
81 think this yer lady would prefer dancin'
with me, he said, very stiffiy.
'The dickens you do ?" Robinson replied.
''You are purity fgger for polky; you air
so. Wish had a buzzom-pin and red era
vat maybe 1 could shine in society then"
This last remark was addressed to the crowd,
and delivered with knowing wink.
Don't you give me none O. your sass,
Jake Robinson" was Abe's elegant rejoinder,
''or I'll break your old fiddle over your head"
This was too much for Robinson. He in
paternal relative Commonly called daddy
both, with his left hand. And his nanny
too. And if Mr.. Robinson had ever been SO
unfortunate as to have heard ''Pinafore" he
would undoubtedly have added, "his cousins
and his aunts." But as it was he contented
himself with the mention of few of his male
relatives.
Can 1 describe what followed? Can tell
how the belligerent gentlemen went outside, a
ring was formed, coats taken off and pugil-
istic demonstrations begun?
can never, never forget how Abe looked
after a few skillful passes made by the fists
of Robinson. The "buzzom-p pin" was smash
ed, the cravat was torn, the curl taken out of
the elaborate hair structure on top of his head.
But that was not all his eyes were "bung-
ed" and his nose was bleeding.
At this stage of the proceedings Jake
paused for minute and sarcastieally asked
Abe, Wouldn't you like to stop and dance
the polky awhile ?" And then went right on
to say he was now going to throw him in the
mud and sit down on him. But the crowd
interfered at this juncture, and Abe was led
away by commiserating friends The ride
home was dismal one. felt was in dis
grace, though Sary Jane tried to console me
by saying, "Some of the boys allus gifts in a
tussel and breaks up the dances"
left the place a few days afterwards, and
never say Mr.. Crocket again.
But 1 heard he had married Hammer Mari,
won by her superior pie abilities, no doubt.
Alas When think 1 might have made pies
for him, 1 am tempted to make that hackney
ed quotation
"of all sad words Of tongue or pen,
The saddest Of these, 1T might have been.'"