Morning journal and courier. [volume] (New Haven [Conn.]) 1848-1894, 1881-01-31
HIGH NOTES.

There are 25, 42S other idiots in the United
States so cheer up.-4me,TcGn Queen.
The time has arrived when an invitation tc
wedding is equivalent to lending the groom
ten dollars and feeling thankful that he didn'
ask for Detroit Free Press.
Quite number of young women have re
Gently been killed while coasting. Young
man, if you have good girl don't let hel
Phtludelphia Chronicle Herald.
The American Bible society is turning ou
1000 Bibles per day, but you wouldn't be
lieve it if you attempted to trade horses any
where in this locality.-Detroit Free Press.
Pupil: ''What is hero Mr.. Birchem p
Teacher (Mr. Birchem): "A hero is a mar
who eonquers himself" Pupil: 'Ah, see
a man who can sit down on tack and only
feel sad about it. "
We are informed by the immortal declara
ton that all men are born free and equal
How is it with twins? Does twin have M
equal chance with the rest of humanity p
Boston Transcript.
The Baltimore EUe1y Saturday commences
an item with 'An old woman died in the
west end last week" It is supposed the re-
suit was Just as fatal as if she had died all
over.-No77fStooo1a Herald
A learned professor wishes us to deny the
accuracy of Mother Shipton's prophecy upon
actual experiment After careful study and
wise calculation he has found that the world
is round and has no end at all.
Little baby is very i'll, Charlie; I am
afraid he will de- 4'Well, if he dies he
won't go to the bad place" EfWhy, Charlie,
how can you know that 2' ooh, know he
can't, mamma, he's got no teeth to gnash. v
-EG
The Commercial Adgertiser says in all seri-
business that Grant is running this ovation
business into the ground. He is for visit
to the Hoosac Tunnel, in response to an invi-
tation, is the next thing on the programme.
Puck.
Subterranean disturbances have recently
added new island, 100 feet in diameter and
10 feet above the surface of the water, to the
Russian possessions in the sea of Azof. The
birth of the island was attended with ma
rine eruption and the appearance of fissure
in the land on the shore near by.
prudent and far-seeing mother married
her two daughters some years ago to a
plumber and an ice-cream man, and now, no
matter whether there is a mild winter or a
severe one, she has box at the charity ball
and spends the next summer at Newport or
goes to Europe, with one or other of her
sons-in- -law.-CMc.
A device has been introduced in the sleep
ing rooms of some of the fire-englne houses
in New York by which the bed-clothes are
automatically pulled OF the beds and htted
up toward the ceiling on night alarm of
fire. This should be utilized in families
where there are growing boys. 1t is indub-
itably long felt want. There's millions in
it.-Bost01e Transcript.
Bill Simpkins, Galveston clerk, drank
too much wine at dinner. and the conse
quence was that when he came down to the
store he imagined that he owned it. He
called the porter "a bandy-legged menial, :"
and otherwise made himself conspicuous.
When he got sober, the boss raked him over
the Goals.
You get tight, too, and cuss the clerks, "
retorted Bill.
Yes, but 1 am the proprietor. Your con-
duct would have been highly proper in pro-
prietor, but being only clerk. you werk
beastly drunk ard acted like ~blackguard.
Young man. never again assume the duties
and responsibilities of wealth and high sta
tion until the public expects it of you"
Bill promised he would try not to.-Got-
gesto7t Netcs.