davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28
Unable TO Make q Trade.

The family had only lately moved in
to the neighborhood. A day or two
after their arrival the head of the FAM
lily went to the grocer in the neigh
borhood and asked the price of q, can
of condensed milk. 49, al,
Fifteen cents = said the proprietor.
Fifteen devilsin exclaimed the cus-
toner; ''why. man alive, don't want
to buy a dozen cans, but only one.
What do you ask for half can, whole
sale figares?"
ssNever sell half can ~
..I reckon you never sell anything, If
you make up your goods in that way.
Suppose take whole can, win you
come down to a dimee"
Fifteen cents is the usual price"
THAT may be with unreliable, tram
sient customers. but am an old citizen
of Galveston, and the store that catch
es my permanent trade will have to be
enlarged within six months. Say a
dime, and throw in pound or two of
soda crackers. and it's whack. /"
DO You buy good deal in the
course of a yearP" asked the propri-
etor. with a sneer. H 81 "
.sDo buy great deal? Issheuld say
did. Why, it won't be more than two
AuOAtuS USlOIC l. II OtiJ d OoA Va A1htSA-
es. The box Tn using now is more
than half gone, and only got it last
February, too. Say dime for the con-
densed milk, and one of them stale
watermelons thrown in as sorter in
ducement. and you can put these two
nickles in your burglar-proof safe. !"
Fifteen cents is the lowest price"
II wish you could see my blacking-
brush. It can't hold out over Christ
mas, and then I am bound to negotiate
for a new one. Throw one box of
blacking in with the condensed milk.
and it's transaction .e,..Fa
81 won't do it."
"All right! You won't do it. I'll
just keep my eye ON you. I'll bet your
stock is insured for twice what it's
worth, and you are going to have fire
pretty soon. When a merchant dom
care to build trade, he is fixing to fail
or swindle somebody somehow. Good
morning, SIR"
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28

6dyice to Husbands.
sFIac6nk desf4p III F0Ef gh HdfBnl
iz5S nHkikst aseaf knew s6lffns susBlt1eiisl
Cofhhealdl t1Ienfs 4Ufb tll6ixl ehDf4S qdhd
Isflc0ufag8 tlksaA, With sdhhs 1ttar65Ead
ina naBeitmdaefzteI I'D fh6 sf1fmbaH Of F<6df
inffmae hiehas. andFtebti dssasfsa s6d
cGHhaRe no bStteit or sfustferi6oRH6 6eht
tAaFtke apoi6anIwhtp b5sfBg your sdan8a
Ttfgasupdriorftt ofnman has aaw4yB
been acknowledged, buE adshuzB&ha
should have manly understanding
enough MOTTO assert ito7er his wife.
Be strictly moral; make your habits
classical; You are the criterion Of your
wife and family. II they. are not what
they ought to be, You are the respons-
ible party. 81 s5aee Sal. g si'
IT your wife is out Of temper, fail to
see it, remembering that there are D
thousand minor vexations about her lot
of which you are entirely ignorant.
Never speak harshly.
There are two ways of governing a
family; one by brute force, the other
by firm but gentle authority. The first
is very effectual. and win secure not
only ready obedience and submission.
but the undying animosity of your un-
fortunate children.
4ct 0OAGSkAC NuACgoES, AlOu6s YOU
know nothing about them, and If you
did they are not the kind of cares for
man to assume. Be the cashier and
the home.z II she proves incapable,
offer suggestions which she will thank
fully receive IL made in the right way.
Avoid contradicting your wife; you
never did it before and should not do it
after marriage. If you indulge in .
lively argument or sharp dispute, con-
clude it with some good-humored pleas
antry to show that you are neither to
hurtyourself, nor intend that she should
be. In all your arguments and contro-
versies never make her uncongenial
friends or relatives the subject. and do
not review the mistakes or misdeeds of
her past life. There may have been q
thousand follies which vanity or mis-
fortune drew her into, and which al
ways defeated their purpose, but you
will be most kind and she most CRATE
full if you do not open with remem-
brances wounds which you cannot heal.
Do not humiliate your wife by max
ing her feel her dependence. Never
buy her dresses, hats or other wearing
apparel, as You rob her of half the de-
hght-that of shopping and exercising
her individual taste. Give her an al
lowance and pay it regularly as you do
your servants. and never be sordid
enough to bring her to an account
about the way she spends it. She has
sensibilities on this point that you are
bound to respect Do not grumble
about the grocer and butcher bills till
your bread and butter almost chokes
her and she wishes she was in the bot
tom of the lake with amillstone around
her neck. She is the weaker, and at
your mercy. and If you fail to properly
care for her you are perjurer.-C Cht-
ca0o Herald
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28
A Maryland Barbecue.

Very few know just what barbecue
means. Well, if you want to see one
IN all its glory. go to Maryland. The
barbecue ground is generally located
near fine spring. Around it clear
waters are hung a score of gourd Dip
pers. Starting early in the morning,
we find the campers already humming
like hive. Long, broad bitches have
been dug, and these are floored with
Goals foot deep, over which are laid
great spits, and on these huge carcass
ses of hogs and bullocks. Farther on
beyond these trenches are great log
fires, which are kept constantly blaz-
ing, SO that ut any time the bitches may
be replenished with Goals. Such his
sing and cracking as there is above
these immense fires as the mounting
flames curl and wreathe themselves in
to great columns Of smokei Scores Of
coaches, buggies and wagons are pour
ing in, filled with o laughing. jolly
crowd. all intent upon a days froifc.
Families come on horseback, while not
unfrequently can be seen three riders
on one mule. Gaily dressed ladies
come with their escorts, and negroes
pour in on foot. The whole country
seems to have entered into the frolic.
Down by the great boiling kettles
near the spring the darkies are dressing
shoats, sheep and great beeves- Every
animal is left whole. but is split to the
back bone. Long tables are spread be-
meath the pines The horn is blown
for dinner. As the band strikes up
lively air the people wind in . long.
fantastic line in and out among the
trees to tho widespread tables beneath
Babies crow and prattle mothers chat
together, while old people find they
have not forgotten how to laugh. Ger
tainly nothing can be more jolly than .
MARYLAND barbecue.
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28
HyxES5f d,rssgI Esla1om siiR Hss9lfd
I,A sFseCur@xaHnape6srmsf He4gnsxse41

3KyxES1a d,ussE EIyERla1om siiR 1EsslI
/ ID zHzecuss xaFnsars6szaSE HeaensEsft
iunioia sds nj el,fizNffens saodn ftG ,1es1zI
for ake Bland; Bleefiihgs
!, ItcbiBg and i liberated Rzla shass,beel
Iaemadyl, GATED De. 81 4 lWiqllianSs fndfiaI ff
EgintmeiIt .ssI al Isihgled sex eliasif tifed
3the Wo.atchronic bases s0f Is 2aiadyse
liXeaEs standing. Nee one need sRtibf
deffaf s6behfifg faeditfiie. Lotiodfisl
| iIhstrumsnts add Electafxries do more
hhFrms thantgoadao Wiliiamts Ointment
ahsorbs, the tnpaoys. aalays. the intense
itching ,lnarticuIarly az night ,aftff
tice; gives ifistant saA d pal ihfess relief
and is prepared aanay yln nor Rilesg itchind
of the private parts, and nothing IeIsel
Read what the Hon. J. NJ. Cofipl
berry, of Cleveland. says about Dir.
Williams Indian Pile Ointment:
have used scores of pile cures and it
affords me pleasure TO say that have
never found anything which gave such
immediate and permanent relief as DIR,
Williams Indian Pile Ointment.
For sale by all druggists, or mailed
| on receipt of price 81 90.
s. T. Henry 4 Co.. Props,
Cleveland, Ohio
For sale by McCabe g wheaton, Rock Island
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28
Knew His Business,

''Can ] see the lady of the house?"
inquired the peddler. ''Well, yes, you
can if you amt blind!' snapped the
woman who had answered the bell.
''Oh, beg pardon, madam; you are the
lady of the house, thenP'' ''Yes, am!
What dyer take me forP Did You
think / was the gentleman of the house
or the next-door neighbor, or one Of
the farm hands. or the cat. or the ice
chistP'' s'I didn't know. madam. but
t'Oh, did yerP Well that was very
nat'ral, too" replied the lady of the
house. What dye want, sir?" Then
the peddler displayed his wares. and
when he left that doorstep half an hour
later, his face was full of pleasure and
his pockets were full of money. He
understood l.uman nature aud had
made good ale.-Boston Transcript.
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28

1t is pertinent and timely remark
of the San Francisco merchant, that
we should laagh at the French If they
neglected the languages Of their neigh
bors, the Germans and English. and
taught their children Turkish and Syr-
lac, yet we. as 3 people, neglect the
Spanish language. the tongue Of forty
two million inhabitants of tho Ameri-
can continent. our close neighbors. and
future business customers 10 vast ex-
tent.
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28

.-tfcr Ifofse, hrs cow H1fe. dtSrIngI
hthbdsmskhatit giEesGnil1 In dsiai,aaz
Ing lasGs yauAaI itiss os ils ste % sas ,apsdl g
i when no more Is to le oltainfd LpenI
1 iKef bfeaks of . piece, warns Il dut, And
i has again d good iArtde1ese sef milk :, 4AeI
dsdeafs isoalso hisoEaad, lnsgenhaa1ass6fl
hsm hsing kan5 il sons rs Rfrts & sse|
makes the roof and floor of his 'hOuse.
his bed. his shoes and stockings. hisI
clothes, and cords and string for hisI
ieBowe With5ut sthis naffihfAE ssI6l Dap1
lander wendsfnua deplDnabl condition-
ss-f ~ - T7F5f7 = 5sIFs5y % .IEUIl lfesyssti
An exchange says this has, .been a
good season for pairs. Stobson 4Sfnks
/ differently as he always held them
against three of kind. i@1
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28

A mining shaft at Tombstone, Arizo-
ma, which had not been worked for
months, was examined, and, as the
man neared the b ,ttou, the one at the
windlass was startled by cries of "Hoist
like the deyilie When the explorer
reached the surface. he said:.'Why. there
are about seventeen rattlesnakes. fifty :
two horned toads, one thousand rats,
and half-a-dozen Gila monsters down
there. I wouldn't give cuss for the
mine except as side-show for me-
nagerie."
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28

A gentleman has started cafe just
opposite cemetery. He dedicates his
house to ..those coming from funerals"
and announces on his sign: Private
rooms for all who desire to weep by
themselves. Wines and liquors the
very bestn
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28
Two nrospectors recently discoveree

Two prospecters recently dlscoveresa
4 strange slab Of stone ncar spanish
Springs. Nevada. The rock i set IN
a., s.sv;ne II is fifteen feet high and
-, sfaass u,ide.F The entire face of the
800 80. = .r<,veraf1 with over one hundred
.s.ssrs :. which the discurerers could
s..,s dscss.har, The rock viii be closely
ssxau1ined and copy Of the Inscriptions
forsvaasfaad TO scientists.
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28

We once knew q newspaper man
who owned two coats. That is he
owned two if you could call a duster
a coat-EG. Don't believe it.
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28
Climax! Climax
DfscoFERKR OF :

Pages Climax SaIYe,
A Family Blessing for Is cents.
Tt heals without a scar. No
family should be without it.
We WARRANT it to CURE
Sores, Ulcers, Scr0ful;. sores,
Fever Sores, Salt Rheun: ssore
Breasts o. Nipples, Erys. pelas,
Swollen Glands, Unframed Eyes,
Scaids, BURNS, Cuts, Bruises,
Fistula, Piles, Boiis, JE:ilblains,
Frosted Feet, GorIs, and all Gu
tane0us diseases On E;ai. CT beast.
1t has ueeil ased o1ei. twenty
five years, without es.e fiiilEre.
1t has no parallel ing per-
fectiy er,adicated disease, saId
healed after all otter remedies
had failed. It is Il compound Of
Arnica with nlany ether Extracts
and BaIsams. and puGgip III larger
boxes FOR the same price than any
other Ointment.
= ry Sold by Druggists everywhere.
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28

N. Cine is the name of an engineer
on the Lake Shore road.
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28

f IRE LEADING SCIENTISTS OF TODAY agree tina
most diseases are caused by disordered Kidneys or
Liver II, therefore, the Kidneys and Liver kept
in perfect order perfect health will be the result
This truth has only been known abort time and
for years people suffered great agony without being
able to find relief. The discovery OF Warmers Safe
Kidney and Liver Cure marks new era in the
treatment OF these troubles. Made from simple
tropical leaf of value 1t contains just the e1e
mente necessary to nourish and invigorate both of
these great organs. and safely restore and keep
them In order. It is q POSITIVE REMEDY for all
the diseases that cause pains in the lower part Of
the bod y-for Torpid Observation-Disclosures aundice
- -Dizziness-Gravel-Feye Ague-Malarial Fever
and all dificalries OF the Kidneys, Liver and Uri
nary Organs.
1t s an excellent and safe remedy for females du-
ring Pregnancy. II will control MenstrHation and
Is Invaluable for Leucorrh9a Falling of the
Womb
AS Blood Purifier it is unequalled, for it cures
the organs that MAKE the blood.
READ THE RECORD.
SIT saved my life-"-E B Lakeiy, Selma. Ala.
alt is the remedy that will cure the many diseas-
peculiar to women Mothers Magazine.
1T has passed severe tests and won endorsement
from some of the highest medical talent in the
country.''-New York World
mo remedy heretofore discovered can be held
for one moment in comparison with it."-Rev A
Harvey, DID,, Washington, D. c.
This Remedy, which has done such wonders, is
put up In the LARGES SlZEU BOTTLE OF any
medicine upon the market. and is sold by Druggists
and all dealers ST. .25 per bottle. For Diabetes,
enquire for WARMERS SAFE DIABETES CURE.
Tt Is a POSITIVE Remedy
- H ii. WARNER CO, ROCHESTER,. ny.
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28

Dr.. SIMMONS LIVER REGULAToR

Time and Doctors Bills viii be saved by always
keeping the Regulator in the House.
for whatever the ailrnent may be, thoroughly
safe purgative, Alternative and tonic can never be
ont of place. Persons living In unhealthy locah-
ties may avoid all bilious attacks by taking dose
occasionally to keep the liver in healthy action.
If You LEAD A SEDEETARY LIFE, are weak
ened by the stan OF your duties. avoid stimulan,s
rA xol-o
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28
THE REGULATOR

IF You HAVE EATEN ANYTHING HARD OF DIGEs
TroN, feel heavy after meals seepless at night
take a..ose of Regulator and you viii feel relieved
and sleep pleasantly 1t can be taken in the place
of Qunine btters of any kind; the dose lie small
and it's virtues undoubted.
See that you get the Genuine in White Wrapper,
with red q, prepared only by j. "a. Zelin & Co.
The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-28
READ THE RECORD.
The Symptoms Of Liver
Complaint

are uneRsiness and pain Ia
the sfde-sometimes the
pain is in the shoulder and
lis mistaken for rheuma-
IfiSYn. the stomach ia afTec
Morris tribune., 1881-04-07
Nelson and Lady Hamilton.

From the London News.
The death of Mrs Horatia Nelson Ward
will probably rivive the old interest, per-
haps the old controversies, about Lady
Hamilton and Nelson. This nation, in fit
of Puritanism, did not behave gratefully to
the woman and the child whom Nelson be-
queathed to the country. Lady Hamll-
ton was no saint. She was poor and un-
educated girl, lowered with the fatal gift of
wonderful beauty, and with many other
natural talents and accomplishments. Her
early life was no worse, lin spite of explod-
ed ISLANDERS, her character and actions much
better, than might have been expected. In
one way her fame is lmperishable. Her
beauty survives, triumph and immortal, on
the canvases of Romney, and in the we'll
known engravings after his pictures. In
these her variety is infinite. She appears
as beautiful English girl, in an English
park; as Cassandra, as a Bacchante, as a
spinner with her distaff, in many another
character of mythology, history, and actual
life. Her beauty colored all Romney's
work, and lent grace to his pictures of
other ladies which keep reminiscence of
her. Nelson seems to have believed that
she saved an English fleet. and won bat
tie from the French, by procuring through
the Queen of Naples, provisions to victual
IN what should have been alclosed port.
Her enemies and his invented tales and dis
torted facts which may be said to be dis
proved by Mr.. Paget in his essay on Lady
Hamilton. 1t is difficult to believe that
Nelson cherished his ,ieep and unbroken
affection for any woman who was not es-
sentially noble. She was left by England
to starve in a little French seaport. France
and Greece would have honored her like
Ninon and Aspasia. We do not say that
England ought to have done so, but there
is a mid between half-deifying a
gifted and erring woman and leaving her to
sdnalid and exiled indieence
Morris tribune., 1881-04-07
FOREIGN INTELLIGENCE.

Lord Beaconsfield has been very sick and
fears we're entertained that he would not recover.
A page of the czar has been arrested on
charge of secretly serving the sentence of death
on the late emperor.
Sensational reports are current of bitter
feeling between Russia and Germany, and of
prospects of war between the two nations.
A parcel was recently received from Man
chester, addressed to Sir William Harcourt, Lon
don, who requested the police to open it. The
box was found to contain loaded pistol. This
attempt on the life of Harcourt has caused
profound sensation.
Herr Mast, editor of the German newspaper,
called the Frieheit, has been arrested and i'm
prisoned in London for applanding the assas-
sination of Alexander in the house of commons
Sir William Harcourt, replying to questions,
read extracts from the obnoxious article in the
Frieheit and pointed out their revolving charac-
ter. He said its attacks even included one on
the president of the United States. The govern
ment thought it would be a great error from
the domestic as we'll as the International point
of view to ignore the article 1t was domestic
crime and breach of public morality to in
cite murder. No government would do it's duty
If it allowed a refuge in q free state to be con-
verted into hot bed of assassination The
government acted in it's own accord and wasn't
instigated by foreign powers.
Morris tribune., 1881-04-07
MINNESOTA NEWS.

Minnesota News by Telegraph and Mail.
Capt O. Ames, an old settler of Red Wing,
recently died.
The Minneapolis city treasury received $23,
4S9. 5S from licences last year.
Rev D. A. Morehouse, for the past six years
pastor of the Congregational church atOwatonna
has resigned
Noel A. Files of Fergus Falls, has just had a
pension allowed of "a month and arrears for
sixteen years.
Minneapolis is under smallpox scare,
brought there by Chicago tramp. tempo
rary pest house has been erected.
The wife of Aaron Decker was found dead in
the road, in the town of Homer, Winona county,
from excessive indulgence in liquor.
Mr. Greenman, formerly of st. Paul, and Mr..
Smith, are building a fine hotel on the bank Of
Big Stone Lake, at a cost of 5 900.
Late Minnesota patents; s. NJ Love, Mime
apolis. combined culhvator and cotton chopper;
Charles L. Travis, Minneapolis, toy.
John McCarty, section man on railroad
was found dead in Saltwater, The vn-ai"t of
the coroners jury was that he fell from a
bridge and broke his neck. He was intemper-
ate in the use of liquor.
D. B. Owen has received the appointment of
deputy revenue collector for the Mankato dist
rict vice Geo. I. Barr, resigned. Mr.. Owen is
we'll qualified for this position, having filled q
similar place in New York several years ago.
Washington Lipes was tried at Winona for
the murder at St Charles of blacksmith
namad Ryan in quarrel The evidence was
hardly sufficient to convince the jury that it
was case of murder and they accordingly re-
turned verdict of manslaughter in the second
degree.
The examiYation at Albert Lea, of j. B. Will
Hansen, ]. Quirk and J. c. Cramond on a
charge of forgery, has been concluded. The
defense submitted no testimony and Williamson
was committed in default of 300 bail.
Quirk and Cramond were also held, and gave
bail of 5 900 each.
The announcement is made of the proposed
marriage of Hamilton Vose of Milwaukee to
Miss Lillian Burbank of st. Paul, daughter of
the late J. c. Burbank. She has spent the win
ter in Boston with her mother. and has but re-
Gently returned TO st. Paul. The affair will
take place in May. The newly welded couple
will live in Milwaukee
Another accident has happened near Eagle
Mill ON Cannon river Alexander johnson,
while crossing the river on the embankment,
slipped and fell into the stream and was
drowned, and his body has net been rescued.
The Eagle Mill was Quilt by Miller 4 Lowery.
Last fall MIR. Miller was fatally injured by the
cars and one week ago Mr. LOwery was killed
Morris tribune., 1881-04-07
A NORTHFIELD SENSATION.

Two Professors in ST. Olaf's College Resign to
Escape Dismissal in Consequence Of Kissing
Pretty Young Female Student
kissing pretty little female student in a
fathery MANNER" is what caused the resigna-
ton, by request of Prof. Tiesberg from St
Olafs (Scandinavian) college atNorthfeld. Prof.
Lynne also resigned for the same sort OF famil-
iarity with the same subject. A correspondent
gives the following account of the affair:
For some time past the Rev Mohn, the pro-
fessor in charge, has noticed the marked atten-
ton OF Profs. Tiesberg and Lynne to a certain
female student fine looking damsel of eigh-
teen summers, who on her part seemed not at
all dissatisfied On several occasions the two
professors were caught in the act of kissing the
aforesaid young lady; but Rev. Mohn thinks no
further faIniliarities have taken place, notwith
standing abundant rumors to the contrary of
his opinion. The last act in this sensational
drama occurred about two weeks ago, when the
loving trio were found exchanging pledges of
affection in the usual way. The girl was imme-
diately expelled from the college. The two
professors resigned the day before their papers
of dismissal were to be given them. Prof
Tiesburg asks for thorough investigation and
declares his perfect innocence Of any criminal
ity, unless it be criminal to kiss pretty little
female student in fatherly manner.
Morris tribune., 1881-04-07
Imitation Precious Stones.
ON Casselrs Family Magazine.

From Cassells Family Magazine
The really beautiful imitation stones made
in Paris consists of a very pure, transparent,
and lustrous glass, called Strass after it's
inventor, which is frequently colored with
the same metallic oxides as real precious
stones. Thus the color of the topaz is OBJ
tanned from antimony and gold; that of the
ruby from purple of Cassius "a stannate of
tin, with stannate of oxide of gold), or
from a solution of gold in aqua regia nitro
muriatic acid. The well known Bohemian
ruby glass is colored with gold, while the
ordinary red glass is produced by copper,
and commoner kind by iron. Some of
the finest yellow glass is covered with sill
yer. The first precious stone to be sue
cessfully produced by artificial means was
the lapis lazuli, the sapphire of classical
times, but by no means to be confounded
with the sapphire of the modern jeweller,
though closely related to it. Lapis
lazuli an Opaque stone of an ex1uis-
ite corn flower blue, and was highly
priced by the ancient Indians, Assyrians,
Persians, Jews, Egyptians and Greeks.
Freed from impurities and rubbed down. it
gives the ultramarine used by medieval art
lists for the robes of the Madonnas; and in
their day it was worth its weight in gold, the
purchaser of a picture having always to pay
extra for its use. Its rarity and the cost of
preparation make the true altramarine still
worth from ten shillings to fifty shillings
the ounce.