The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-11-05
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


Losfers-Bakers.
Lie on their biers-Swill brewers.
Ills the stock gamblers like to bear Inc ou'i''
..Time out of mind" never gets back again.
Corn has gone up.-Erchange. Oh, well: con-
var, il into whisky and it will 20 down.-Norrts.
t0,pn Herald. .
am lust decaying for fight, but as would
he likely to hurt somebody, | had better be Ar
rested. ~ William Malone.
Journalistic: We are going to Arkansas ana
.,sr, noper, calling it "Quinine and whisky
Everybody will take it-NoCiy7a AfYo. .. ..
peris Of the sea- We should think scarf pins
ia rnt ses sick They are so often on the
bosoms of such heavy swells --Ceddr fdp'"S o'H.
hs.
"Uow did we come to possess our present
dress >" is one of the questions by the editor OF
Not,,rc Can't say, sir. Presume the talIor
didn't know yOu.-BOsfo" Ioa'
"Riches have wings" says the maxim ola.
Have you noticed where they n.y.!
They generally fly, so I've been toid'
40 "'''0 Wit and Wisdom.
Advice 10 a Young woman: Soubrette-'How
/. The prettiest way to hold the HANDY why, 80
that the other side can't see what CARDS you We
got.-BostOn Post.
Wives have not invariably been courteousy
treated IN life, but epitaphs are seldom quite as
wanting in hattering JUNCTION as the following:
..Jere likes my wife, sad satterin and shrew
II said | regretted her should lie too"
The estbe,ic craze has struck Leadville. A
nromjpent citizen OF that city has written 10 In
suire which is the most correct taste Tor morse
thief being lvnched--to carry a lily or a suntlow-
er-Bost0D Post.
A house. painter recently wanted to join the
Gre department, but as 1t took him over fifteen
minutes to climb ladder, and then he had to go
down again for something he had forgotten,
they didn't employ him.
Private Smith of the Third Army Corps
viii answer 10 roll. call no morps,
His musket was dirty
Aud Smith (aged thirty
Uundauntedly blew down the borps.
"wbat is the connection between hercsy and
immortality" asks the Chicago Times. The fol-
lowing example is given by the Commercial Ad-
sertiser: 'Immorallty is stealing ham, and
heresy is believing that the ham, and not the
man, will be fried"
HISTORY OF LITTLE JOHNNY.
Little Johnny went to view
The circus and the fl p flap hppers;
Johnny tried the hip.fap, too,
Now he wears the golden slippers.
While they turned these things at will,
In the air of anywheres
Johnny turned one higher still,
Turned clear up the golden stairs.
--EUansulle Argus.
A Massachusetts, farmer who has cultivated an
acre of onions this year reckcns that he has
arawlcd twenty-five miles on his hands and knees
wedding them. An kneesy way to get q living,
but weed rather not adopt it.-Boston Transcript.
THE VERY WORST YET.
maiden went into the water
To battle; but her mother she safer,
And after some effort she cater,
And back TO the sea beach she brater,
Lake lamb led away to the slater.
She told her she always had thatcr
An Obedient, dutiiul dater,
And II she had done rs she'd later,
She'd have stad on the shore; and she'd alter
Resist her desire for water Puck.
An Albany man has rented q vacant lot near
his residence, fenced 1t in, and fitted 1t up as q
playground for the boys Of the neighborhOod.
IN other words. he furnishes play ground to
avoid having plague 'round.-Boston Post.
WAITING IN THE HALL.
There's youth and maid on chair
Thst was built for one person alone,
She bas witching blue eyes and blonde hair.
And has promised to be Herberts own.
Soon the front door 10 opened, . tread
That makes Herbert turn yellow is heard.
"l's papa; he'll send me to bed,
SO good.by, dearest love, you've my word.
You may kiss me, but don't let pa hear,
He's a frigbtful bad temper you know.
In the hall he Is waiting, my dear,
Let me kiss you again-hold me So"
AT the foot Of the front steps he lies,
Where he fell with dull thud just now;
There's print on his coat-tails the size
or a boOt-the old man sealed his vow.
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