St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-05-13
SQuibS.

SGuIDS.
The Boston Transcript knows some
men who think they are great guns and
are only big bores.
Is it right for Il temperance man to
accept Il cordial" invitation
AS Il general thing young lawyers
don't have many trying times.
When it comes to descending a lad
der the bravest of us generally back
down.
George Sands : Strength with men
is insensibility, greatness is pride and
calmness is indifference.
John Ruskin Nothing is ever done
beautifully which is done in rivalship,
nor nObly which is done in pride.
''Why is it," asked a lady, ''that peO-
pie lose their interest in church going
nowadays ?" Because they have lost
their principle" was the witty reply.
An exchange speaks of Chicago
man who ''has one foot in the grave"
Presume it's all they could get in with
out enlarging the cemetery.
The Whitaker cOurt-martial will
cost the government $lO0,000. Let us
see; Shakespeare said something about
the erich jewel in Ethiop's ear Low
ell Citizen.
On the meeting of two friends the
! following cOlloquy ensued: "Where
have You been ?" ''To my tailor, and |
had hard work making him accept Il
little money" "You astonish me !
| Why ?" "Because he wanted more"
Venerable church warden carrying
around the bag for collection. Frantic
scream of terror from il small child who
has lively remembrance of the traitor
apostle: ''Oh, mamma, mamma
Here's Judas comingm
The world is full of men who will
chcerfully "boss II job" for dollar and
half day, when five dollars day
for actual work would not he the slight
est temptation for them.
Andrews Bazar says that lady who
owns an amiable husband was asked
how she had ever brought him to
such perfection, whereupon she sweet
| ly answered that she did it chiefly
with croquet mallet.
A clergyman once, while reading the
burial service, came to the place where
he must say ''Our deceased brother Tor
sister," He did not know which so,
turning to II mouIner, he asked whetll-
cr it was ''brOthcr" or ''sister." The
mOurncr innOcently said ''No relation
ut all, sir; only an acquaintance"
A stranger in st. Louis, thinking he
recognized his coat on the back of ii
pedestrian, shouted, "Stop thief J" and
about 81 of the inhabitants suddenly
disappcarcd down "a side street. -
Puck.
A petulant old lady having refused a
suitor to her niece, he cXpostulated
with her, and requested her plainly to
communicate her reasons. ~ see the
villain in your face" said she. '"rhat is
a personal reflection, madam" answer
eel the lover.
1t is IA related that California pion-
Ger, seeing ii Chinaman coolly draw
''navy six and shoot IA white rnilian
neatly through the abdomen, exclaimed
with much earnest enthusiasm "Them
Chinese is takin' on Christian ways
surprisin' fast"
81 suppose college students never
speak English at all" every seldom
speak it," said Tutor Syntax, in ii
dreamy way. "Therei | knew they
didn't. What language do they use
most, Mr.. Syntax, Greek, or Latin, or
--" ''Slang," replied the tutor with
laconic simplicity.
81 writ poem once for the editor %
our home paper" ''Did you save
copy of the poem ?r "No, writ it for
our home paper and sent it to the edi
tor" eyes, but did you save IA copy
of the paper it was published in ?"
"NO-O-o; yer see the editor said it was
crowded out by IA press of advertising,
and he's had such laundering run of
advertising for the last twenty years
that he amt had a chance to print it
yet"
A gentleman in the New York swamp
met rather uncertain" acquaintance
the other day, when the latter said /:
"Tm little short, and would like to
+ ask you "A conundrum in mental arith
metic." "PrOceed,n observed the gen
tleman. ''Well," said the ''shOrt" man,
suppose you had ten dollars in your
pocket and I should ask you for five
dollars, how much would remain y
''Ten dollars" was the prompt answer.
A New York firm sends us double
column ''ad" of new stenographic pen,
for the insertion of which in the daily
! for three weeks the firm agrees to send
us pen. No, thank you. We had
one autOgraphic pen. Just sold it to a
) druggist for a soda fountain. If she
lets down soda as fast as she did the
t ink, some man will he drowned at that
- fountain before the middle of June,
E and don't you forget it Burlington
D Hawkeye.