The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-03-30
The ObcIisk Speaks.


New York City, one day last week
1t stood out in bold relief against
the sky, a massive monument to the
engineering skill Of
well, and how do you like me p
The reporter started. There was
certainly no one in the neighbor-
hood, and yet he had surely been
addressed.
81 say, do | impress you favora-
bly, ?"
Again the voice reached the re-
porter's ears in deep basso tones.
There was no longer any doubt as
to its origin. The monolith had
spoken. Any but a newspap-
er man would have retreated in dis
may, but here was an opportunity
not to be lost An interview with
the monolith ! 1t was equivalent to
conversation with the Sphinx.
The reporter braced his nerves, as
sumed a careless air, as though it
was the most natural thing in the
world to chat with obelisks, and
said
you're certainly impressive, and
now may l be SO bold as to put
few questions on my side ?'
"Fire away" said the obelisk.
'You being q somewhat distin-
guished emigrant-"
Emigrant How do you make
that out ?" asked the obelisk.
'Well, you came over in the steer
age, and I"
Enough I'm not used to jokes,
so please drop them" said the obe-
lisk, in gruff, rumbling tones. 'In
Egypt we never joke. We leave
such trivialities to the Franks"
But you are in America" said
the reporter.
Il am, but it's net my fault. 10
think should have lived for centu-
ries, only to be pumped down at
last in this out of the world spot.
SO you do not fancy our coun-
try ?"
tNo. In the first place, your eli
mate is beastly. After basking in a
perfect atmosphere for countless
ages, | am now subjected in my old
age to the most bitter frosts, while
sleet and snow beat against me,
making every grain in my body
tingle. This is indeed cold recep-
ton to give stranger"
But you have come among q
great people"
"a great people : Young man re
member you are talking to one who
has looked down upon nations COM
pared to which yours is but a coun-
try of infants"
"We are credited with being a
great commercial people, and the
most extravagant nation in exist
ence."
"You know nothing Of money or
spending il" said the obelisk. II
remember old Rameses II A Jolly
old boy, by the way, and what /
call good liver. He spent more
on dinner than YOU fellows make
in month in Wall street. Never
had less than a thousand gallons of
wine served with the courses, and
when he made a night of it, oh, it
was immense The streets ran wine
and blood for week afterward."
"Wine and blood 2"
"Yes, he was sure to kill a few
hundred slaves or so before seeing
daylight favorite amusement of
his. He Was q jolly dog" and the
obelisk shook with laughter. ''OfI
course III never see those good old
days again, but it's a pleasure to re-
member some people have enjoyed
themselves in this world. Iremem-
Der big feed old Rameses gave on
the marriage eff his two hundreth
daughter. It took half year to pre-
pare for it, and the world was ran
sacked for new dishes. 1t lasted
nine days. and the old king never
went under the table until the even
ing of the last day, and when they
picked him up to carry him to bed
he killed fourteen slaves just to con-
vince the company he was sober"
"Of course you have seen Cleo
patra ~
''Seen Cleopatra, and / one of her
needles Well, | should smile. Of
course the old girl was a sumner,
and no mistake. She had every
thing her own way for time, but |
hear she made fool of herself in
the. end, Women always do when
they get mashed on a man
did | understand you to say
mashed ?" asked the reporter.
You did, and why does my us
ing that term surprise You p
"Well, | supposed it was a little
too modern for your vocabulary"
Don't you believe it. There IS
nothing new in it. Why, slang of
all kinds was known to US EgYp-
tians thousands of years ago, and
don't you forget it.
The last few words convinced the
reporter.
"Well, before Cleopatra got mash
ed ON that adventurer, Antony, she
fairly ruled the roost, swept the
deck every time, and was always
sure to hold over every rival.
Hold over ?" asked the now fair
ly astonished reporter "fhcn pok-
err
"Poker ! Don't say word. III
YOU could have seen some of the lit
tie games | have witnessed they |
would have made your hair curl. | |
remember old Antony and Cesar |
had quite agame one night, just cut
side Of Alexandria. They were play
ing pretty high stakes. a couple of
provinces, ten thousand slaves and |
half a navy were in the pot, when
Antony called. Two pair said Cas-
ar. No go,' said Antony, and he |
showed up four queens. Two pair
of aces said Cesar. Got me again,
said Antony take the pot.
But we call poker our national |
game" said the reporter,
sTwon't do. Egypt invented it
long before l came into existence. /
1t used to be favorite amusement
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