Daily globe. [volume] (St. Paul, Minn.) 1878-1884, 1881-10-30

lanQ ana on the continent III 1910, 1919
and 1880, thus causing famine in Eu-
rope; that the weather report in this
country ran itself when Old Probability
managed it, thus insuring the great crop
for those years. Mr.. Vennor commenced
writing the weather reports for North
America about the latter part of 1880.
For the first few months he guessed very
well, but later on, as dreughts and storms
and hurricanes and floods appeared, it
seems that he made great mistake in
guessing-and the result is less than half
crops in the country. In other words, he
forgot to take into consideration that
comet years are most unfortunate for
crops. And yet our company is willing
to insure all accidents from the cradle to
the grave, as before stated.
eve will insure the success of the De
Lesseps Panama canal, providing the
premium is equal to the risk, payable an
nually in advance; which will be a per-
petual premium equal to the amount of
the disbursements. But no issue on the
officers or employees engaged in building
"We will venture to insure that the
cotton crop of 1881 will not exceed 6625
per cent. of what it was last year.
eve will also insure the coast life saw
ing service, unless the seamen go to sea
in the navy of the United States.
"We also expect to do a large and
flourishing business in the matrimonial
line If young man has an ambition
to secure rich wife, we will insure it for
a fair premium. On the other hand, if a
mother with half dozen charming
daughters wants to visit Saratoga, or any
other watering place, and dispose of some
of them advantageously, we will issue
policies insuring speedy settlement. Or
if gushing damsel has her heart set on
marrying a duke, or earl, or baron, or
count, especially an Italian count, we
will cheerfully grant foreign policies.
The only condition in all this is that no
rebates will be given on divorces.
eff the wild-eyed inventor has staked
his all on discovering the law of perpet-
ual motion, he has only to apply to us,
and we will insure it to him. If the book
agent wants to make name and for
tune in three months, in the honest
persecution of his calling, let
him get out his policy before starting,
and the thing is done. And the daShing
sewing man, who aims to con.
quer each fair dame and damsel that he
addresses, and convince them beyond
doubt that his machine is the altogether
too too affair." he should pay his premium.
eff man comes here from the West
with hole in the ground that he calls
mine, we will insure him the sale of all
his stock, provided the capital stock is
not larger than our capital. If man
wants to win hOrse-race on any track,
from the Derby to Coney Island, we will
insure him, at comparatively slight
premium. The company, of course, will
furnish the jockeys. If man likes to
indulge in a faro, we will insure him
without hesitancy, only we must provide
the man he is to play with.
for insurance, but we expect to select our
own sniggers to sit on the safety valve
"We will insure the festive broker
with more money than experience, and
with an anxious yearning for club life
and upper tendom) in his yacht, dog
cart, and tally-ho purchases.
eve will insure the restoration of the
boss they like to Lorillard's girl.
eve will insure all purchases made at
Miss Kate Fields Dress Cooperative as
ISOLATION, and this will tend to increase
the business of that commendable insti-
tuition to such an extent that the pres
ent establishment, as compared to its
great future, will be as garden patch
into California ranch.
eve will insure pew in any of the
city churches for one or more Sundays to
all strangers visiting New York. (As
many will take out policies and never go,
this will be a most profitable risk
"Invalids and hypochondriacs, placing
themselves under the care OF physicians,
can take out marine risk against total
or partial loss of sight, hearing, power
of locomotlon. appetite, or life. All buy
ers of bric-a- brac can be insured against
buying any but genuine goods,a we will
furnish with the policies a foreign in
voice and custom house receipt for duties
to match each of their purchases, wether
the ARTICLES of vertu' are made in New
Jersey or Connecticut.
Cali travellers by the wabash or
Southwestern systems, as we'll as by the
Texas and Arkansas stages and Southern
Pacific route, will be insured both ways.
"We will insure the clerks of the Mu-
tual Union Telegraph company against
being tempered with We also calculate
to insure that Western Union messages
will be delivered promptly, and this will
be one of the most risky risks that we
shall take.
We will in addition insure the Mexican
Telegraph company, and the increased or
decreased capital of the Western Union,
overland, underland, inland, by way of
Behring straits to China.
''And again, we offer to insure the sue
cess of the Manhattan programme. 1t
has been said that every man has his
price, This is truism, and it Is espec-
tally true of the officers of the Graveyard
Insurance company.
sBut we expect our very largest bust
ness will be done in insuring malaria, the
receipt for which is now in the possession
of the president. 1t is warranted to cure
old and young, cases of long standing and
short standing, chronic cases and tenn
porary cases, whether contracted IN the
city or out of the city, OF Staten island,
Long island, Blackwell's island, or any
other suburban watering place. We ex-
pect to have the patent secured for this
medicine as soon as our charter is grant
ed, thus saving our policy holders doc
tors bills and giving them an 'extenua-
tom of life and happiness. There's no
disease except that of creating syndicates
and construction companies that is SO
prevalent in the broad land. and nothing