Butler citizen. [volume] (Butler, Pa.) 1877-1922, 1881-08-17
LADY PHYSICIANS.

turned out dozen female doctors. As
long as the female doctors were con.
fined to one or two in the whole coun.
try, and those were only experimental
we held our peace and did not com
plain; but now that the colleges are
engaged in producing female doctors as
a business, We must protest, and in so
doing will give few reasons why fe-
male doctors will not prove paying
branch of industry.
In the first place, if they doctor any
body it must be women, and three
fourths of the women would rather
have male doctor. Suppose those
colleges turn out female doctors until
there are as many of them as there are
male doctors. what have they got to
practice on? A man, if there was
nothing the matter with him, might
call in female doctor, but if he was
sick as horse, (if a man is sick he is
sick as horse, the last thing he
I would have around would be female
doctor And why Because, when a
man has female fumbling around him
he wants to feel well. He don't want
to be bilious or feverish, with his
mouth tasting like cheese. and his eyes
blood-shot when the female is looking
him over and taking account of stock.
Of course these female doctors are
all young and good-looking. and if one
of them came into sick room where a
man was in bed, and he had chills, and
was cold as wedge, and she should
sit up close to the side of the bed and
take hold of his hand his pulse would
run up to hundred and fifty, and she
W ould prescribe for fever when he
had chillblains. Oh. you can't fool us
on female doctors. A man who has
been sick, and had male doctors, knows
just how much he would like to have a
female doctor come tripping in and
throw her fur-lined cloak over chair,
take off her hat and gloves and throw
them on lounge, and come up to the
bed with pair of marine blue eyes,
with twinkle in the corner, and look
him in the wild, changeable eyes, and
ask him to run out his tongue. Sup
pose he knew his tongue was coated
so it looked like a yellow Turkish
towel, do you suppose he would want
to run out over FIVE or six inches OF
the lower part of it and let that female
doctor put her finger on it to see how
furry it was? Not much He would
put that tongue up into his cheek, and
wouldn't let her see it for twenty-five
cents admission. We have often seen
| doctors put their hands under the bed
clothes and feel of mans feet to see
If they were cold. If female doctor
should do that it would give man
| cramps in the legs. A male doctor can
put his hand on mans stomach, and
liver and lungs, and ask him if he feels
any pain there; but If female doctor
should do the same thing, it certainly
would make man sick, and he would
want to get up and kick himself for
employing female doctor. Oh, there
is no use talking, it would kill man.
Now, suppose man has heart dis
ease, and female doctor should want
to listen to the beating of his heart.
She would lay her left ear on his left
breast, so her eyes and rosebud mouth
would be looking right into his face,
and her waivy hair would be scattered
all around there, getting tangled in the
buttons of his night shirt. Don't you
suppose his heart would get in about
twenty extra beats to the minute You
bet And she would smile-wc will
bet ten dollars she would smile-and
show her pearly teeth, and the ripe
lips would be working as though she
were counting the beats. and he would
think she was trying to whisper to him
and Well, what would be be do
ing all this time If he was not dead
vet, which would be wonder, his left
hand would brush the hair away from
her temple and kind of stay there to
keep the hair away, and his right hand
would get sort of nervous and move
around to the back of her head, and
when she had counted the beats few
minutes and was raising her head he
would draw the head up to him and
kiss her once for luck, il he was as bill
lious as Jersey swamp angel, and
have her charge it in the bill. And
then reaction would set in, and he
would be as weak as a cat, and she
would have to fan him and rub his
head until be got oyer being nervous,
and then make out his prescription al
ter he got asleep No. oil of mans
symptoms change when female doc
Tor il nracticinp on him and she would