The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-02-20
FAOETIE


plant will break his back to get away
from an oyster can
A Ready Answer-Very red-haired
passenger; 81 say, guard why on earth
don't the train go onP" Good gra-
clouS, sir! put your head in; how can
you expect it to 60 while that danger
signal is out?"
He was informed that lady had
called to see him in his absence, "a
lady, he unused aloud; "a lady. -
Upon an accurate description, he sud-
denly frightened up, and added: ooh,
dot vas no LADY, dot vas my wife"
A party of young fellows the other
night made a bet as to who could swim
the farthest, The next morning when
they met at the rendezvous, one of them
carried u large bundle. What is
that?' asked the others, "Victuals
for three days
\ wit iished q rich old gentleman out
of mill-pond, and refused the offer Of
shilling from the rescued miser.-
"Oh, that's too muchr' exclaimed he;
"tan't worth itN' and he handed back
siyponcc, saying, calmly, as he pocketed
the remainder, that's about right
A worthy banker has separated from
his wife, who is reckleSsly eXtravagant.
Presently he falls i'll and she sends TO
inquire after his health. The maid was
ushered into the dying mans chamber.
and begins her message; "Mymistress
has sent me TO ask For how
much?' saysthc dying man with u sigh.
Why is it that you never 90 to see old
Drinkhard any more?n 'Oh, the road
home is SO abominabe long" at isn't
any longer than the road there sob,
but it is the road there is straight,
coming home it's crookedcr'n rams
horn
'I'll teach you to lie, and steal, and
smoke, and use profane language"
said an irate parent to his eldest off
spring, at the same time swinging
good-siacd sapling. "l'll teach you,
you young scamp" "Nevcr mind,
father; know all them branches al
ready
He was saying, as he scratched lu-
offer on the side of a house, II like
these houses with sanded paint; nice
when you want to strike match, you
know" lis that sop she asked de-
murely-'I wish lived in a house
with sanded paint;N and then she looked
things unuttcrable. If he had asked
What for?" she would have hated
him. But he didn't; he took the hint,
and the match was struck then and
there,
ibid you break that window, boy?'
said the grocer, catching hold ~ the
fleeing urchin. "Yes, sirn What
dye mean, then, by running off in this
manner" Please, sir, was running
home to get the money. was 'fraid
if didn't run quick | might forget"
And with that he skipped round the
corner. He doubtless found his way
home, but he probably lost his way
coming back. The grocer still waits
and watches.
Present-A dramatic editor of a
French paper had occasion recently to
criticize severely the performance of a
somewhat popular actress Shortly
afterwards the lover Of the young lady
met the journalist in the theater, and
presented him with package of goose
quilts, This, sir said he, lis a pres
ent from Miss Wv exclam-
ed the critic did she tear all of these
out of you herself? How you must
have SuiieredN'
William Thompson, the once famous
Maori chief, adopted shrewd method
of deciding which one OF his two sons
should succeed him. As they stood be-
fore him as he lay sick unto death he
suddenly addressed himself to the elder
saying: Shorthand, take down that
Gun and shoot the white man standing
outside the hut The youth was about
to obey the order readily enough, when
his brother interviewed with; "Why
should YOU kill the man? what harm has
he done TO us?" Then said the old
chief: Yes, that is right. You have
what is wanted sense and discretion.
You will take my place when l am
gone And so the succession was set
tied.