The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-08-30
ALL SORTS SORTS

The surf at Newport is now full Of
diving bellies.
Lets strip the light fantastic toe,"
said the chiropodist to his patient.
Why is rosebud like a pro missory
noteP Because it natures by falling
dew.
A noble man that ought to be able
to give a good blow-out-the earl OF
Fife.
1t is mistake to assume that a rose
by any other name would smell as
wheat.
The medal offered for the biggest lie
told this year has been awarded to the
author of a circus poster.
The man who went to see the board
fence retired when he heard the fence
rail and saw the plank walk.
The colleges are busy lettering great
men, so that they can be identified if
they 60 astray in the hereafter.
China has only fifteen miles of tele-
graph. The facilities for circulating
lies in that country are limited.
Eleven thousand dogs have been
killed in the dog-pound of Baltimore
in the two years of its existence.
Gracious! wife," said father, as
he looked as his son Williams torn
trousers, s'get that little Bill reseated.'
And she replied, Sew will
There is going to be another comet
hold on, don't dodge yet; it's the
comet of 1744. and it is only expected
around once every 122, 6S3 years.
The only Ohio man who died sud-
denly last week was chap who was
trying to occupy two seats in a passen-
ger coach while four women were
standing up.
''Jimmy' Hope, the bank burglar.
has been arrested. His front name''
is appropriate to his profession. and it
is to be hoped that Hope for q season
bids the world FAREWELL
Hi! where did you get them trous-
ersp'' asked an Irishman of a man who
happened to be passing with remark
ably short pair of trousers. II got
them where they grew" was the indig-
nant reply. .sThen, by my conscience
said Pat. you've pulled them q year
too soonr'
Mr.. Timelytopic and Mr.. Verybusy
met on the street, and after few min
utes' conversation on business matters,
Mr. Timelytopic asked Mr.. Verybusy
if he had seen the comet yet, and was
surprised when the latter replied that
he had not, as he had been out of town
couple OF weeks.
A French gentleman, who supposed
he had mastered the English language,
was suddenly puzzled one day when a
friend looked Mt him and said: How
do you do?' ssDo yat?'' Il mean how
loses myself ''But how do you feelg"
''Smooth-you just feel me. -
In the Coreoran Gallery in Washing
kO1 SC Nuta
resenting an aged woman stirring the
contents of a porringer. When John
Quincy Adams and Henry Clay were
Commissioners at Client in 1871, this
picture was won by the latter from the
former at a game of cards.
The tricycle. has been adopted by the
Birmingham police force for the pur-
pose of facilitating the work OF
summoning the officers, to whom its
use will for the present be exclusively
confined. Should the experiment prove
success, it is expected the use Of the
machine will be further extended.
1t is asserted that at one of the large
hotels of Boston, of Wanted rectitude,
the astonished traveller is confronted in
his room by placard which bids him
''beWare of thievesn' and advises
him before retiring to look under the
bed, search the wardrobe and all places
where villain bent on robbery might
Turk.
San Francisco is the happy possessor
of the only Chinese newspapers pub
lished in the world outside of China
The Yah Kee, edited by zee Jemm,
has circulation of 1000, and has a
publishing office, consisting of three
rooms, which, if thrown together,
would make room twelve by fifteen.
The Tong Fan San 30 is the other
paper, and boasts circulation of 75(
copies. Neither paper has . political,
social, or religious policy.