The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1881-04-21
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snow, my dear" said Mr.. spoopen'
dyke, as be drew writing materials toward
him, 'now, want your wOman's Wit
These fellows irsis. that must respond
to the toast, Woman tomorrow night
and I must prepare a few remarks. live
both 60 at it, ws'll get up something nice. u
"What you want" argued Mrs. spoop'
endyks, entering into the spirit Of the un'
dsrtaking, and tapping her teeth with her
thimble, "whst you want is woman in her
various phases"
"What want ia & speech" retorted Mr..
spoopendyke. "Thsy haven't put me
down for . panorama. want 3 short ad.
dress, full Of good points and pleasant
things about the ladies, Now l shall be-
gin: 'FelloW.citizens-'"
"But women aim. fsllow.CitiEsns.
should say"
"You'd say fellow back hair that's
what you'd say. I'm addressing the PEG.
pie, and they're all men; don't you see
I've got to commence somewhere, and
then | 90 on. Now, 'Fsllow.C citizens, 70.
Rarding women our origin, our compan.
ions, our posteTity, our mothers, our
wives and our dSuGhters, what more can
we say than that they give Us lille, make it
happy and sooths its declineT HOw's
thstN
ala that the same wcman2" asked Mrs.
spoopendyke, bending over the table. at
don't strike me that she would care to have
1t put that way. Why not say: We are
Assem-"
"What's the matter with your" demand.
ed Mr.. spoopendyks, 1--WE got to open
with sentiment, and you can't find any.
thing more graceful than that. Then l
will 20 on: "She rises In the cradle, reach.
"a her meridian at the altar, and goes down
in flood Of dew Of the grave Gan you
grasp all Of that"i
~ don't like that as we'll as the other"
demonstrated Mrs, spoopendyke. "You
make her mother while she's baby, and
as for the grave part, you don't stop to
think that she may be another meridian
by getting married again. would say
something like this: Fellow citizens, we
are assem-"
mo, won't either. Who's going to get
married again? Can't you see that I'm
only carrying out the first idea OF origin,
companionship and posterity2 Rising In
the cradle means giving US birth. Now
you hold up. Suppose ! say next: we
revere her "a mother, admire her as wife,
say what we do Tor her as
swell, you might say, we dreWs her, and
educate her, and keep an eye on her, and
-and-and-"
spank her! bod CAST it! Spank her.
Why don't you spank herr" howled Mr..
Spoopendyke. Cant you think oil moth.
ing poeticslP I've got that we revere our
mothers and adore our wives, and want
something for the daughter, Can't you
originate something's"
1--WE provide 4 home for her.
Wouldn't-p
Eyes, Of course" raved Mr.. spoopen.
dyke. "That's the idea, that fixes 1t. All
you want now Is two prolonged daughters,
four continued applauses, one 'enthus.
iasm' and voice TO be an oration Eel.
low.citizsns, We furnish her with poached
eggs and beans! Fellow.Citizeni, We re.
we're her as mother we adore her as q
wife, and as q daughter we change the
sheets once week Fellow.Cltizens, we
pass her the gravy Fellow'Ci tizens!"
yelled Mr., Spoopendyke, gestiCulat'
ing like horse chestnut tree,
- fellow. citizens, II she wants her
besf rare we give 1t 10 her! Fellow.
citizens, we give her all the dod gasted
butter che can paste on her read!'-Is
thdt what you want me to say2 Expect
I'm going 10 stand around and make a
measly ass OF myself 'Fellow.Ctizsns, as
mother we adore her! Fellow. citizens, to
help man to get up q speech she's the
lod slamdest donkey that ever raised 0
Iamilyv wah.h.h.h, shrieked Mr.. Spoop.
,ndyke, purple In the face, "got any more
Know any more elOQuenCe?'
md the worthy gentleman leaned back In
MS chair speeChless.
Couldn't you leave her out altogether"
recommended Mrs. Spoopendyke. Cant
you just revere her IS mother and adore
ler as wife? As for the daughter, you
might pass 1t over with saying: Fellow.
'itik9ns, we are Assem-"
eyes, or can cut her throat, proclaim.
ID MIR. Spoopendyke. VI can take her TO
he pound bod CAST the speech" and
Mr.. Spoopendyke danced on the Fragments
II his notes. Tomorrow night l will an.
,wer that toast by telling what dod CAST.
I'd old mule you'd make OF any man
who would listen 10 YOU" and Mr.. spoop.
sndyke banged himself into bed like
beer spigot and went to sleep.
"Well," thought Mrs. Spoopsndyke, as
The took down her hair and putt up again,
Il don't see why he couldn't say: Eel.
ow.citizsn, We assemble here to say some.
hing poetical about women, and the best
can say is, we show when we don't
.lways love her, and We love her when we
ion't always show IT, That's sensible |
md it's 90, " sighed Mrs. Spoopsndyke,
Alling over her husbands boots, and then |
he good woman opened the window on |
Ter spouse's side OF the bed, and sticking
! few pins in the pillow, In case she should |
want them In the night, she went prayer. |