The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-06-16
PITH AND POINT.

IHE mlSer'S little Joke-Dont give IL
away.
A SOFT answer-What will you have
for breakfast? Mush.
The hardest road to travel for Rus
sian Czar is the shell road.
"WHAT beautiful thing, nv dear, is
rosy cheek" "Yes, husband, but
how great the contrast when the blush
settles on the nose r.
CARE you mate of this ship2" said q
newly-arrived passenger to the cook.
"No, sir am the man that cooks the
mate !" said the Hibernian.
"MARIEl what's that strange noise at
the gate p Goats, SIR" Goats Well,
when was young cats didn't wear stove
pipe hats and smoke cigars" "Times
are changed, sir"
A CHURCH deacon at Tarrytown, N. T.,
snored SO loudly that the sermon had to
stop until he could be awakened. When
aroused he jumped up and said: 81 vote
aye |" The ayes had it.
How Is your wife, Mr.. Smith ?" Says
Smith, pointing to where his wife sat in
the next room at work upon his coat.
"Shes sew-sew." Mrs. Jones. "Oh, I,
see she is mending, sure enough! !"
LOUIS A. Cooley, of Godey.s Lady's
Book, left an estate inventoried at
1921, 1854. As distinguished French
man said, "Let me publish the fashions
of a nation, and I care not who loses
money by publishing its classics"
IT is well known that certain fowls fill
their digestive apparatus with gravel and
pebbles, which act as millstones to grind
up their food. Human beings should act
on this suggestion, and before dining at
Western restaurant swallow a sausage
cutter.-Philadelohia Neaos.
"WHERE would we be without wom-
en- ?" asks an Ottumwa man. It is hard
to determine just which way the majori--
ty would drift, but some men we know
of would be out of debt and out of
trouble, and a good many more out at
the seat of their breeches.
That jolly old sea-dog, the Secretary
of tlfe Navy, rushed into Congress one
day with demand for an appropriation
for sinking artesian wells on ship board.
He explained that it was about time our
navy was supplied withp pure, fresh water
at all times. He was removed by force.
San Francisco Post
A QUAKER maiden of 60 accepted an
offer from a Presbyterian elder, and,
being demonstrated with by delegation
of friends appointed to wait upon her
for marrying out of the meeting, she re-
plied: "Look here I've been waiting
just sixty years for the meeting to marry
me and, if the meeting don't want me
to marry out of it, why don't the meet
ing bring along it's young men ?" The
delegation departed in silence.
ST CANNOT pay you this morning."
said the customer to the milkman,
"vou'n have to chalk it down." "Chalk
| it DOWN." stammered the milkman.
eyes, chalk it down. Why, you look
as if you didn't know what piece of
chalk was." The milkman blushed,
and, picking up his cans, sadly took his
whey from the door, pondering on the
uncertainty of humanity.-Somerutlle
| Journal.
"Hast thou no feeling
To see me kneeling,
My love revealing
Day after day?"
''Yes, have feeling
To see you kneeng,
Your bald head revealing.
Take 1t away"
THERE was q bright youngster named Jach
| On his dear mothers chair placed tack;
She arose with "Yip!"
| Then grabbed the young chip
And warmed him down under his back"
Derrick.
A MAN from one of the rural districts
| went to Washington to see the sights.
| A member of the House, whose con-
| stituent he was, said, Come up to-mor-
row, and I will give you seat on the
floor of the House." "No, you don't"
answered Jonathan always manage
| to have cheer to sit on at home, and I
don't come to Washington to sit on the
| floor I"
| A GALVESTON school-teacher asked
new boy: eff carpenter wants to
cover roof fifteen feet wide by thirty
broad with shingles five feet broad by
twelve long, how many shingles will he
need ?" The boy took up his hat and
slid for the door. "Where are YOU go
ing 2" asked the teacher. "To find
carpenter. He ought to know that bet
ter than any of we fellows"
| A NIoE-LooK1Na old lady, with snowy
circle of lace about her head, sat in a
Wabash-avenue car, and drew up her
skirts nervously, lest the cataract of to-
bacco-juice that was pouring from the
mouths of two loafers next her should
deluge them. Conductor" she asked,
timidly, when he came IN, "isn't it
against the rules to spit on the floor of
the carp" "No, ma'am," replied the
gallant conductor, "spit wherever you
like. ."-Chicago Inter Ocean.