Gloucester County Democrat. (Woodbury, N.J.) 1878-1932, 1881-09-08
HUMOROUS.

Spell fat with four letters-O B @ Z.
The true way for woman TO drive NJ
nail is to aim the blow square ct her
thumb. Then she'll avoid hitting her
thumb, anyway.
"Smith," said Brown, " there'ss for
tune in that mine ~ & II know, s8id
Smith "Tve put my fortune IN i. n"
PHILADELPHIA Sun.
A Goldfish produces 1855, ,760 eggs
There's millions waiting for the man
who succeeds In crossing the Goldfish
with the hen.-Boston Post.
Sharks viii eat cats il they can get
hold of them. We shall make arrange
ments for shipping large quantities of
cats to the seacoast to enjoy bathing fa
ciIities. .-NsD HaUel Register.
A correspondent writes /" VIII you
tell US what Mrs. LangtrJ'a maiden
name WASP" Certainly her maiden aim
was to marry Mr., Langtry.
An Arkansas journal says that ther
have in that State q spring SO powey
fully impregEated with iron that tho
farmers horses which drink at it never
have to be shod, the shoe growing on
their feet naturally.
There is a man in our town,
And he j. wondTouE wise:
Whenever he has goods to sell
He straight doth advertise;
And when be finds his gDodsare gone,
With all hIs might and main
He hurr1es anotherlot
To advertise again.
Carrie was six years old and quite
model of propriety; but one day shs
shocked her mother BY doing some
thing very much like ordinary naughty
children. ssWhY, Carrie I" exclaimed
Mrs. B., chow could you do such >
thing N "Other little girls do %, 4, re-
piled Carrie. /" But chat doesn't make
it right, does il n asked Mrs. b sNo,"
answered Carrie, with deliberation,
"but it makes it good deal more
conf able"
Young man, be happy-hoot, holler,
skip, gambol and snap your fingers Az
the nightmare Of new overcoat for next
winter Last fall Canadian genius
shivered awhile and then reflected
awhile, and the result was the p6zchasQ-
of box of mustard plasters. These
were distributed around On his frame
where they would do the most good,
and while men In beaver overcoats shiv-
cred with cold he was warm and happy
in his shirt sleeves. Une dollar taxes
you through a hard winter, and you
come out in spring fat.-Fres Press
Now the papers are predicting lum-
Der famine. Good gracious, have W. got
to 60 through that horror, too. Have
we got to sit idly by and suffer, with no
sixteen-foot board to fill an empty
stomach, no bunch Of shingles to cool
our parched tongue, no cedar posts TO
fill want long felt. and no bundles Of
lath to press our fevered lirs2 This is
too much. We could stand the famine
in box cars, predicted last spring, but
to cut off our supply of lumber, just as
we have got new bottle Of stomach
bitters for an appetizer, is piling the
agony on too thick. Pech's SIN.
"Do you love me p "Yes,~ she an
swered, "better than anything else in
the world. It's a beautiful night for q
moonlight drive" A moonlight drive
would cost at least three dollars, and
he agitated seventeen cents in his rigls
trousers pocket he surveyed the lamar
orb with knowing gaze, and remarked;
| should be 50 happy to take you, but
it's wet moon, and you know you are
so liable to catch cold. dear" The next
morning the disappointed maiden cb-
served to her mother: 'sCharley and l
have quit. He knows heap about the
weather, but he's a perfect ignoramua
about me. "-Buringtoa Hnvkeye.