Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1881-05-06
An E,.rel.s N Prenunsla,lon.

The chief interest of the following love.
story lies in the fact that it is told in words
liable to be mis-pronounced. It was written
by student of Rochester Theological Sem
mary. Worcester's Dictionary is the stand
ard, and the first pronunciation given by it is
the one which is decisive
Roland and Diana were lovers Diana was
| ephemeral but eomely, hypochondriacal but
not lugubriOus, didActic but not dishonest
nor given to ribRld or truculent grimaces.
Her pedal extremities were perhaps a trifie
too large for playing organ pedals successful
ly, but her heart was not at all adamintine
and her address was peremptory without be-
ing difuse.
On the whole, she might well become the
inamorata of one retired to some quiet vici-
mage away from the squalor and clangor, the
dissonance and contumely, of a great me-
tropolis.
Roland on the other hand, was Of satur-
nine countenance, at once splenetic and CON-
batiye in disposition, so that his wassails and
orgies were almost maniacal in their details
He was telegrapher by profession, having
received diploma from Caius College, but
aggrandized his stipend by dabbling in phi
lology, orthoepy and zoology during his leis-
ure hours, so that he was accused of fetichism
and regeneration by his patrons.
Still his acumen and prescience were such
that only a misogynist would discern that he
was an aspirant for the gallows.
His acetic, rather than ascetic, nature ap-
parently inclined him to visit chemical lab
oratory, well filed with apparatus, to which he
had access, whence he often returned with
globules of iodine and albumen on his caout-
chouc shoes, which subjected him to the risk
of his numerous alterations with his landla-
dy, virago and pythoness in one, and with
the servant, her accessory or ally.
Roland had, however, become acclimated
to his place, received everything with equabil-
ity, reolined upon the divan while he contem-
plated the elysium where Diana dwelt and
addressed donAtive distichs to her in the sub
sidence OF the raillery,
There was a certain diocesan who endeaVor-
ed to dispossess Ronald in the affections of
Diana, but he was enervated by bronchitis,
laryngitis and diphtheria, which on their
subsistence left his carotid artery in an ap-
parently lethargio condition.
He had sent Diana a ring set with onyx, a
chalcedonic variety of stone, and once hung a
plaoard where he knew she would see 1t from
her easement, but she steRdfastly rejected his
oyertures, and ogled him as If he were a
dromedary.
The diocesan betook himself to absolutary
prayers, but continued his digressions and in
quiries.
roland became cognizant of this amour,
and armed with a withe he inVeighed against
this Gay Lothario," who defended himself
with falchion until Roland disarmed him,
houghing his palfrey withal.
After the joust the pgebendAry abjectly
apologized, albeit in scatcely respirable con-
dtion, then hastened to lhe pharmaceutic's
aerie for eopAiba, MORPHINE and quinine, and
was not seen again until the next Michaelmas.
Roland returned on Thanksgiving Day,
took an inventory of his possessions, which
consisted of large quantity of almond ce-
ment, a package of envelopes, a dish of
anehovy sauce, tame falcon, a book on
acoustics, q miniature of mirage, a treatise
on the spizootic, a stomacher lined with
sareenet, a eerement of sepulture. a cadaver
and bomb.
The next day the hymeneal rites were per-
formed, and Diana became thenceforth his
faithful coadjutant and housewife.