The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-04-24
HUM0R.

Lines to the hog:
Roofing grunter, lOwly pig,
Awake! arise, thy fame Is big;
Thy name is passed from mouth to mouth,
From east to west from north to south,
Men Of business men of wealth,
Where'cr they meet, ask of your health,
And men renowned our Lowell, Noyes,
With one accord lift up their voice
And tell the natives over there
That trichniasls is scare.
-Nepbuvport Herald
A letter should always be carried
write side up.
Kind words are bald-headed. They
can never dye.
The postage stamp is always getting
upper corner on letters.
A Boston school teacher informs her
pupils that only slow people" use the
word pants for pantaloons,
Notwithstanding the bad effects of
cold on the equine race, it is we'll
known proverb that the gray mare is
the better hoarse.
1t is customary for an official to be
sworn into office, and to be sworn at
while he remains in.-NeW orleans
PjcaWtae.
If Adam had got out patent on his
original sin, what revenue in the
way of royalty his heirs might have
received.
A woman has been arrested in New
York for abducting little boy. Next
time she'll know enough to take a bic
one-E}mira ". Y. Free Press.
81 play only by note" said pianist.
Seems to me you could do more exc
cution if you would play by ear" re-
marked Fogg. "Such u reach, you
know" And the pianist reached for
Fogg, who got himself out of the way
just in time.
A prominent lumber man had his
coat-of-arms painted on the panels of
his carriage with the latin motto.
"Vidi, " which by Interpretation is
Il saw"
A traveller of the most familiar type
to seedy old gentleman in a railroad
car: "But why, sir, do YOU not answer
me when | address you?n "And you,
sir, why do you address me when do
not speak to your" (No more CONVEX
sation.)
An Englishman who went to see an
Irish friend knocked at the street door
and asked: 'Does Mr.. Mcclure live
here? "lle does, sir, but he's deadr'
when did he die?n "If he'd lived till
Tomorrow" was the response, "he'd
have been dead fortnight"
"Will the electric light tanp" is the
question which is now worrying many
lovely young women. We don't know
about the electric light, but the mater
nal slipper, if properly applied, can
tan most eilectually.-PUck.
A traveller informs us that the flesh
of the horse is far preferable to that of
the camel as food. People who have
been in the habit of dining on boiled
leg Of camel with caper sauce, please
take notice. -Register.
A voice from the waste paper basket
OF PHnch-Cynical and waggish friend
to editor: II suppose you often get
good things sent your" Editor Gncau-
tiously: Occasionally" Cynical wag:
"Ah! but they never appear" CHUCK
les.) Editor; SO disappointed contrib
utors always tell me-" exit sepa-
rately.)
The other day the Galveston Re
corder was grossly insulted by pris-
oner, who is regularly ordained
chicken-thief, for which ofrense he was
being tried. 81 fine you So" said
the Recorder. "Jedge, eff you'll take
it out in chickens I'll let you hab dem
chickens you missed last week at 10
cents less dan de market price. "-Gal-
ceStoH NeWS.
Hare and Hounds-Mrs. Miniver:
GLOW exhausted they look, poor fell
lows! Fancy doing that sort of thing
for mere pleasure" Little Timpkins
(his bosom swelling with national
pride): "Ah, but it's all through do
ing that sort of thing for mere pleasure,
mind you, that we English are-what
we aroH Bully for little Timpkins!-
Pmlch.