davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
1907 THO sun. 100
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South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
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South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
L L II NJ S.
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South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
ADVICE GRATIS.

Go thou old bachelor.
Get thee wife,
Nor fight siDg'e-hanied
The battle OF life.
There liveth woman
Whose heart you may wiz;
Her love were blessing
To spurn it were stu:
Hast never re!ented,
When eyes softly blue,
And beaming with pleasure,
Were bent upon you?
Hast never repentcd
In sorrow aud woe,
And wished You he'd married
A long time agos
How lonely AMI wretched
Your bachelor life!
Dost wish to be happy?
Then marry wife.
y true hearted woman
Is better than gold
You'd feel il and own il
When you have grown old.
The truth mover troubles
Your head l suppose,
That age on it shortly
Will scatter its SHOWS:
Like swallows OF summer.
Your friends VIII have flown,
And left you to struggle
And perish alone!
TIE years OF your triumph
Are passing away
Who flirts with bachelor
Forty and gray?
To cure the blus horrors
And s~eeten your life.
CD court a fair lady,
And make her yonr wife.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
New Goods,
For the Spring 1881

WE have nst opened tho complete and
In o.
to
1890 TO 81 90; Striped Shirng 2I;
Good H. Children
low. Bargains in MatiDgs.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
BhPnER SHOP

rENs subscriber desires 10 inform his cpsio.
4 nvs aud Others that he ha8 r,m.vcd bis
Barber shop IN lhc tslk house Graf door aloe
the store honse Of Mr. L. w. C. Pancake and
nearly opposite 'hc Court housc, whore YOU can
gei yonr Hair Cat aud ShamDooned 10 StyIo
and your Beard shaved scientifically. Call aDd
zee ne 10 my new quarters.
GEO. a. JOHNSON.
ROmney, April 1881,
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
BOARDING HOU5E.

DERSONJ desiring board can 10 acco,l no !.
II TED ~ my residence w desitabe Foi.
OF The tow, By the week, month, o. ye-i We
or without rooms. Terms reasohabie
JAMES SHIh..
Rcmacy, March IS. 1881
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17

An Indiana royiyalist gives chrome
70 every convert and New Yod; cx
horLer distributes soap after pointing
out tho road TO salvation. The later
evidently believes lLat clcanlirc is
next 90 godlincss.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
$1,000 A:YEAR g nsG + :.

home boy any active msu Or womer. boy or cifI.
l'h VIII not he obliged 10 leave your own
town, or Doe away from homo over uigat An,
one eau conduct ihc business 70 requires no
capitol.
w VIII START YOU WITH AS OUTFIT
WOtfH 4 Fg- FREE -3E
u jon nre cmp.oyei during tbe day you can
maze ron 81 90 80 an evening. Some Of our
rg"uts report profit OF S25 va . single DAY
Write at once fJr foil particulars 70
T.. o. RiDE0TT.
~ Barclay Street, n Y.
April %, 1s9l.-Gm.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17

mas ~, heid It's place az the leading Mower and
heaper OF the World. Taking the most and a.
hlong The Highest Premiums. Its durability is
eNeeiied by none, and the cost OF keeping in fe-
pair less than any. also sell the Tw ine binder
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17

Doubled faced cambrjc3 showing ono
side b'acl ald tha other side gray arc
much used Or liaiog grenadines.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
Steam Engines,

all sizes, guaranteed to he a perfect success, 10
furnish sufficient rt~,i tC r,L Mnls with saws
rom 90 to 60 inches. TIL. Traction part is,
without QUESTION. acknowledged To b- perfect
and Is called the Boss Engine" The New Pop
uiar Pony Circular Saw Mill lie now cutting s.
900 feet per day with 80 iucb saw. eau be
proven
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
NOTICE.

A IL persons indebted 30 the Estate Of
"a Joseph Smith, decd, are hereby no.
tilted 10 conc forward and make settle.
mcnt Of same-anh all persons having
claims against said Estate will present
,ten, properly authenticated, for set
element.
JOS. NJ. SMITH.
WIN. il. PEPPER.
Executors OF Joseph Smith, decd.
MAY %, IS6l.-iwrd.
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
ON ARD!.

IT viii he for you. interest TO drop me Po..
Il tai Gard For Circulars before purchasing
your machinery, &c. viii sell the follvwip
all OF which warrant as claimed, or no sa,e
The Celebrated Traction and STANDARD
South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-17
REPORTS

arc brough, down 10 the latest hour Of put.-
cation, and every pains taken TO make thu
Trustworthy.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
SUNDAY READING.
lie Happy.

. nc HAPPY
1t is the easiest thing in the world to
be happy, if men and women could
only think so. Happiness Is only an
other name for love, for where love
exists in a household there happiness
must also evist, even though it has pow
erty for its close companion; where love
exists not, even though il be in palace,
happiness can never come. He was a
cold and selfish being who originated
the saying that "when poverty comes in
at the door, loves flies out of the win
dow" and his assertion proves conclu-
sively that he had no knowledge of love,
for unquestionably the reverse of the
axiom quoted is nearer the truth. When
poverty comes in at the door, love-true
love-is more than ever inclined to
tarry, and do battle with the enemy.
Let those who imagine themselves mis-
cradle, before they find fault with their
surroundings, search in their hearts for
the cause. A few kind words, little
forbearance, OF kiss, will open the
way to flood of sunshine in house
darkened by the clouds of discord and
uuamiability.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
Relations News aud Notes.


A Swedish Baptist church has been
organized and recognized at Worces-
ter, Mass.
A training school for evangelists, COL
porteurs and Bible readers will soon be
opened in Paris.
Four missionaries sailed recently
from Philadelphia to the Presbyterian
Gaboon and Corisco mission, Africa.
The French council of state is con-
sidering the project Of decree for as.
suring religious liberty in the army.
The total membership of the Metho-
dist churches in the world, as reported
at the late general conference in Lon
don, is 4,795, 116, of whom 3, 700, 900 are
in the United States and Canada.
A recent religious census taken in
Prussia shows that country contains
7,645, 1852 Protestants, 9,205, 136 Catho-
lies, 363, 100 Jews, 42,51s Dissenters,
and 22,006 persons protesting no re.
ligion.
The Methodist Episcopal Church
South has eleven mission stations
along the Rio Grande and the Mexican
border, with sixty-one preaching places,
447 church members and 373 Sunday
school scholars.
The Ohio Congregationalist made a
gain of 500 in membership the past
year. The total benevolent contribu-
tians were $63, ,54S, q gain of $27, 7,161
over the preceding year. They have
$50 churches i'll all.
The California Methodists have be-
gun to raise Haven memorial fund 3"
of $4,000 in memory of the late Bishop
Haven, who died in Oregon, for perfect
ing the library, cabinets, etc, of the
University of the Pacific.
The Seventh Day Baptists have ten
native families connected with their
mission in Shanghai, China. The mis-
sionary force includes eight mission
aries, two native Bible readers, and a
Bible woman. Two day.schools are
taught.
The Congregational church in STRAIT
ford, Conn, organized $40 years ago
has published manual giving histori.
cal sketches of its sixteen preceding
pastors. 1t has furnished twenty-five
for the ministry, among them the Rev.
III. l.. Barnum, of Turkey.
During the recent absence of Rev.
E. f. Fales from his church (Congrega-
tionaD at Carthage, Mo-, the services
were conducted by delegation OF
Modoc Indians, to the great satisfaction
of the congregation. Seven years ago
these Indians were savages, but now all
their chiefs and many of the people are
Christians.
Bishop Crowther, of the Niger, in
Africa, was recently called upon by a
wealthy chief from Okrika, a town
which had never been visited by mis-
sion agent, who stated that Christianity
had extended from the Bonney mis-,
sion to that town, and that the
people had built church accommo'
dating 500 people, where the service
was read every Sunday to crowded con,
gregations by a schcol.boy from the
Brass mission.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
An Immense Hammer.

The largest steam-hammer in the
United States has gone into operation
at Pittsburg. 1t weighs seventeen
tons, while the anvil block under il
weighs 100 tons. With full head Of
steam it will strike blow of ninety
tons, but, as this tremendous weight il
not always necessary in hammering, it
can be made to strike as light as de-
sired. 1t has thirty -eight-inch cylin.
der and nine-foot stroke. The ponder
Gus blows make the earth quake for a
radius of nearly 200 yards. The big
hammer is for forging steamboat shafts
and other heavy work.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
Greer county, Texas, has two million
acres of unappropriated land.
What's In q Name.
New York Spirit of the Times ]

Ex Governor Bowie, of Maryland, the
owner of the famous race horse Crick-
more, while pleasantly chatting with
the managing partner Of heavy adver-
tising firm in Baltimore. was somewhat
surprised by the question addressed to
him, whether he would be willing to
grant the privilege of rechristening his
favorite horse for the sum of So, 600
The offer, certainly tempting one,
was courteously and thankfully de
clined. 1t is hardly necessary to sug
gest that if the proposition had beer
accepted, the great Crickmore would
for the future add new and brighter
luster to the fame aud popularity of st
Jacobs Oil.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
Paving for the Chickens.

Governor Murray tells a laughable
story of his experiences in the Georgia
march to the sea, which is worth re
peating:
"Speaking of the famous march
through Georgia" said the governor, 81
rever shall forget the amount of money
it cost us to keep an old woman from
crying herself to death. OF course we
had to subsist off the country as We
vent along, and we naturally took pos
session of chicken ranch kept by an
old lady, who stood at the front gate
with broom and threatened to lick all
of Shermans forces if they did not move
on. Now, chickens were considered as
officers meat, and, as we were hungry,
We went for those old hens pretty
lively. When she saw that her favorite
fowls We're being caught and killed she
keeled right over and began to cry.
Presently she began to scream, and
finally you could hear that woman's
yells clear to Atlanta. j sent the sur
geons in to quiet her, but they failed,
and then all the officers took turns, but
the more attention paid her the more
she howled. I then got pretty nervous
over the noise, because the whole army
would hear it, and they might suppose
somebody was torturing the woman.
Finally Sherman rode up and asked
what was it all about, and when we told
him he said: 'Giye her a bushel OF
Confederate bonds for her hens, and see
if that will stop her. Acting ON this
hint proceeded to business. We had
captured Confederate train the day
before, with $4,000,000 of Confederate
money, and hunted up the train al
once. The money was worth about two
cents on the dollar Well, 1 stuffed
about $500,000 in an old carpet. sack
and marched into the house.
" Madam, said 1, opening the sack,
I'll give you $4,000 to quit this
noise 1t was as still as death in 6
minute, and then hr face expanded in
broad smile. L laid the packages Of
money on the table, and I never saw
such a delighted woman. The effect
pleased me, and continued: General
Sherman presents his compliments an6
100000 / never in all my life saw
such pleased old woman, and wound
up by dumping the contents of the
sack right down on the floor and tell
ing her that when it came to contribu
tions to distressed females l could no
be outdone by no man living.
"She invited the officers to suppe,
and she cooked every chicken en- tn,
ranch and set out cider as free as water
We were having a pretty good timt
when long, lank old coon came in, ant
she said it was her husband. Prett,
soon his eye fell on the money.
"'Sarah,' said he, where in tn,
deuce did you get all this truckY
"A present from General Sherman,
said she.
""Tain't worth a continental cent
They're kindlin' fires with it down a
New Orleans
"The old woman rose up, her face a
white as your shirt front, and her ey
wasn't pleasant to meet.
" So you are the blk that gave m
this, are your she called out, reachin
for the old broom.
"The entire mess rose and starte
from that house. We never heard an
more of her, and there isn't man @
the crowd who would meet that oil
woman for all that Confederate money
if it would bring 100 cents on the do
lar at the treasury department, Wash
ington."
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
prsCIIpn rpou nr.r,,

William ]. Coughlin, of Somerville Mass, says In
the fall of 1876 taken with bleeding of the lungs
followed by severe cough. lost my appetite and
flesh, and was confined to my bed. In 1877 Twas ad-
mitod to the hospital The doctors said had hole
in my lung as big as halfdollar At one time re-
port went around that was dead. gave up hope,
but friend told me of DIR. WILLIAM HALLS BALsAAi
FOR THE LUNGS. got bottle when, to my surprise,
1commenced to feel better. and to-day feel better
than for three years past. write this hoping every
one afflicted with diseased lungs will take DR.. VIII
LIAM HALLS BALsAM, and be convinced that con-
SUMPTION CAN CURED. can positively say it has
done more good than all the other medicines have
taken since my sickness
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03

The experiments were made on the
apple and pear, An apple tree eight OF
ten years old, which had scarcely made
any fruit buds, had done best when
about half the roots were cut in one sea.
son and half three years later, by going
half way around on opposite sides in
one year and finish at the next pruning,
working two feet underneath to sever
downward roots. It has always an
swered we'll, also, to cut on such trees
all the larger and longer roots about
two and half feet from the stem, leav-
ing the smaller and weaker ones longer
and going half way around, as already
stated. The operation was repeated
three or four years later by extending
the cut circle foot or two further away
from the tree. By this operation un-
productive fruit trees became com
pletely studded with fruit spurs and
afterward bore profusely. This short
ening of the roots has been continued
in these experiments for twenty years
with much success, the circle of +, OTIS
remaining greatly circumscribed. The
best time for the work has been found
TO be in the latter part of August and
beginning Of September, when growth
has nearly ceased and while the leaves
are yet on the trees, causing greater in
crease of bloom buds the following year
than when performed after the leaves
have fallen, London Garden.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
What is 1t /?

What is that which has three feet but
no legs, is all body but no limbs, has
no toes on the feet, no head, moves a
great deal but never uses its feet for
that purpose, has one foot at each end
and one in the center of the body ?
This is o queer creature in some re-
spects, and is very popular among the
ladies and some gentlemen. 1t never
walks out, but goes with one foot where
the head might be, dragging the other
foot behind. These feet have nails, but
no toes, no heels and no bones in the
feet. Answer-A yardstick.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
THE FARM AND. HOUSEHOLD.
Paralysis I'm Pigs.

Pigs are subject to q weakness of the
spine by which the nerves controlling
the movements of the hind limbs are
paralyzed. This is often constitutional,
and arises from breeding pigs SO de-
fective. When young sucking pigs are
affected in this way it no doubt comes
in this manner. The treatment is to
apply a counter-irritant to the loins,
such as turpentine, rubbed freely upon
the back; apply once day and give the
pigs q teaspoonful of powdered rosiis.. in
the food for each two or three, once q
day for week. Pigs so affected should
never be used for breeding.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
nnIv Half AI;yn

There are hosts of men and women who, to
coin phrase, are only half alive. That is to
say, they have seldom If ever any appetite, are
nervous weak, fidgetty and troubled by num-
berless small pains and aches. In the presence
ofvigorous, exuberant vitality thsy seem mere
pigmies. Such persons are usually fond OF
dosing themselves, swallowing in the course OF
the year enough drugs to stock any apothecary's
defeats instead of fr1rthering the end in view,
viz, the recovery of health and vigor. Were
they to seek it from an unfailing source of vital
ity, Hostetter's Stomach Bitters, how different
would be their case. Then yigor would return
to their debilitated frames the glow of health
to their wan cheeks, their trembling, uncertain
gait would grow firm and elastic appetite, that
grandest of all sauces, would give relish for
the daily food were it ever 80 coarse and re-
freshing sleep would crown the tasks of the day.
MEN often judge the person, but not the
cause, which is not Justice, but malice.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
Ladies, DeJic,te md Foo,,,.

Those languid, tiresome sensations, causing
you to feel scarcely able to be on your feet; thai
all its former elasticity driving the bloom from
your checks; that continual strain upon your
vital forces, rendering you irritable aud fretful
can easily be removed by the use of that mar.
velous remedy, Hop Bitters. Irregularities
and distinctions of your system are relieved al
once, while the special causes of periodical
pain are permanently removed. Will you heed
this2 See "Truthsn
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
IEYansyille lLnd.A Journal ]

Mr.. Frank S. Mueller, 925 W. Frank,
lin street, cited to a Journal reporter
the case of Mr.. Henry Rhenick, who for
four years suffered with Rheumatism,
which was cured by the use OF two bot
ties OF st. Jacobs Oil.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
[Fond du Lac Commonwealth ]

Mr.. 8. CLARK, one of Fond du Lac's
oldest citizens, states: ] have used st.
Jacobs Oil and am we'll s.,i tei that it
is splendid Article 10 ie4..fe pain, and
that very quickly.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03

A group of superstitious folks were
talking over charms, amulets, fetiches
and the subject of luck generally. "An
old uncle of mine." says one OF them,
finally, "when he died, bequeathed me
a talisman, thanks to which l have al
ways got along we'll in the world" +"
"And it WASP" FIFTY thousand q
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03

The glucose product of this country
is said to be over one million pounds a
day.
The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-11-03
DON'T Die in the House.

A MAN may suffer without shining; he can
not sin without suffering.