The examiner., 1881-12-03
An Accession to the Family.

so it's girl, my dear"
 Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled faintly and Mr. Spoopendyke picked up his heiress. ~~ "It's the image of you," she said, regarding with some trepidation Mir. Spoopendyke's method of handling the infant.
 ''I don't see how you make that out, '' said MT. spoopendyke, gravely. "I don't know when my nose looked like the thumb part of boiled lobster claw. Do I understand you that my eyes bear any resemblance to the head of screw ?
 sI mean the general features," mur- mured Mrs. Spoopendyke.
 ''The general features seem to be all mouth" retorted Mir. Spoopendyke, examining his acquisition. eff our gen. eral features are at all alike, my visage must remind you of an earthquake. Hi l kitchee! kitchee! What makes her fold up her legs like that?"
 ''She can't help it, reasoned Mrs. Spoopendyke. s'They'll straighten out in time"
 ':No time like the present." quoted Mir. Spoopendyke, and he took his daughters feet and commenced pulling her limbs. 1T don't want any bandy- legged first in this family while I'm at the head of it.''
 Naturally the baby began to cry and MT. spoopendyke essayed to soothe it. "Hi kitchee kitch-ee-ee l'' he chir- ruped. "Great Scott, .what cavern Any idea how much this mouth weighs !? Hi! kitchee kitch-eel You'll have to get that mouth roofed in before cold weather. Whats the matter with her, anyway"
 Perhaps you hurt her. Let me take her, please" pleaded helpless Mrs. Spoopendyke.
 ''She's doing we'll enough. Hi you hold up Haven't you anything to catch this mouth in It's spilling all over the neighborhood. Hi! Topsy, Genevieve, Cleopatra, dry upl I'm going to have trouble breaking this young one's tenn per, I can see that. Here! bend the other way once ]" and Mir. Spoopendyke tried to straighten up his offspring with out avail.
 'sLe5 her come to me, do please" moaned Mrs. Spoopendyke, and MT. spoopendyke was forced to hand her over.
 "Well, that's quite baby" said he, nursing his knee and eyeing the infant. 'sWhat're those bumps over it's eyes for? What preponderance of intelli- gence do they represent !"
 "You mustn't talk so," demonstrated Mrs. Spoopendyke. "she's the hand somest child you ever saw"
 ':Well, she's got to stop biting her nails before she goes any further with this procession. Here, take your hands out of your mouth, can't you? Why don't you put her hands down ?''
 "Why, all babies do that" explained Mrs. rsSpoopendyke. "You can't stop that.
 i'm going to try" said MT. Spoop- endyke, '' and don't want to be inter- fered with in bringing this child up. Here, you, Maud s. Bonesetter. put your hands in your pockets! Don't let me see any more nail chewing or you and I'll get mixed up in an argum ment. She gets that from your family, Mrs. Spoopendyke.
 Say, dear, don't you want to go and order somo things?" asked Mrs. Spoop- endyke.
 ssNo," rejoined her husband, ''I want to see this youngster. Where's her chin ? Do babies always have their upper jaw set right on their shoulders Kitcheel kitcheet Her scalp comes clear to the bridge of her nose. I don't believe she's quite right. Where's her forehead? Great Moses! Her head is all on the back part Say, that baby's got to be pressed. That's no shape"
 "Get away" exclaimed Mrs. Spoop- i endyke, indignantly. ''She's 8 perfect 1 angel. There's nothing i'll the world the matter with her.'
 ''Of course you know,'' growled MT Spoopendyke. "You don't want any l thing more than 8 fog horn and mis- spent erpt1 priation to be an orphan ssylum. If I had our faith and the collie I'd m n living as foundling's homo. She'll be old enough to spank in week, won't she?'
 "No, she won't !' said Mrs. Spoopen- dyke. 'sShe'u never be old enough for that"
 ''TlI bet she will," grunted MT. Spoopendyke eff she isn't, she'll get it before she natures up to that period. That's all. Let me take her. Here. let's have her."
 But Mrs. Spoopendyke fiatly refused,
 "Keep your dod gasted baby, thenP roared MT. Spoopendyke. eff you know more about babies than I do, then keep her. The way you coddle her, one would think she was new paste for the complexion. If you had one more brain and handle, you'd make fair rattle boxl Fit you up with bro- ken sofa and grease spot and you'd do for secondhand nursery"
 And MT. Spoopendyke started off to