, 1881-10-15
DEALING JUsTlCEi
nj. Homer Hold. . Lively s<..e..
And Cheers up the MournsrA


His Honor was feeling pretty lively this
,,o-,,;,,, when he entered the court room,
and merry twinkle was observed In ms eye
wben he looked over the docket and ruboed
his hands
Tn. marshal Let down the gans-plank Al
.e, the usual rap on the table from the
court and William Hall walked over anu
brought up before the judicial desk WIN
blossom on his nose and piece OF Grape 'iea
to his left arm -
..viIliam Hall. you're a bad egg, said
HIS Honor as he looked the prisoner o'ei'
Sand il does not surprise this court any 10
s,5 ,ou here. You took teo much oenzine
aboard Yesterday and then thought you were
wolf and it was your time to howl. ana
YOU levied on pair of gloves not yours, ana
the result is that now you can sit and listen
to the howl of stern justice. which will
..May it please the court. interrup'ea
Wil,;,m Il lust came into town last night
to buy plug of tobacco, and started oack
home AMI 1t was SO dark that | lost my
way"
..Yes. and went 10 sleep IN all alley
al e1ess it was an alley.
..Yes, you bet it was, and II TOOK Two
ncI;eernen and big wide board TO bring you
in out of the vet What have you got tiia'
Grape on your arm for:
~ NAV as well tell the truth, said VII
liam q, he Strengthened himself up The
fact of the business j. am stockhoider'
"a stockholde.,'
..Yss. Won zee owned 70 cents worth OF
stock in a morning newspaper. put the
busipess in to help give the outfit start,
and when came in yesterday to draw my
dividend which consisted in the consolation
| I derived from seeing the evening outht ate
up." found that the eating business had
been done by the wrong party, and that the
president of our outfit had watered or
..beered" the stock to su i IN extent that
the outfit had passed int Is rave AMI all
Investors were declared off; so | Just Par
chased this Grape and got off as far as my
limited means would allow
.Well. YOU seem to have made decided
success in your EFF business last night
William. But how about the gloves"
"Well you sec
''Oh, yes l see. You we're one OF the
nall bearers and needed pair Of gloves to
help carry of the corpse, and you merely
lifted them without leave In order to show
that YOU were moral ~ young man and
fit person to help perform the last sad ntes.'
"Yes, sir.
..Weu. | am sorry for you, William, and
shall feel for you to the extent OF SO and
ccs.s. However YOU have no cause to
crieve; your bantling lived its allotted time.
But you need not stop To bury it, William,
as it has buried itself 1t grew up ike
iimpson weed, but wilted in the blossom.
1t sprung up as springs the festive suniiower,
but as it didn't spring far, 1t didn't take 1t
ong to spring back; consequently 1t died
young. Its days are past, William, and ali
YOU have to console yourself with Is the fact
that its record still lives and will emit
perfume and g!isten as does rotten mack
erel in the moonlight And as. You stand
over It's new male grave and drop a tear or
two and perhaps three over ITS early demise,
you should remember that ''energy and per-
severance with the combination OF lnteSrI-
ty" are sure in the end to result with the
most successful success. You may pay the
fine, William, winch this court has assessed
to you, after which yOu may pass out the
side door and proceed to draw consolation
by smelling of yourself after yOu have prop
erly fumigated. And remember, William.
There are a pile of roosters sitting IN the
sun
Sighin' and cryin' as if they were undone,
Rise up, William rise, wipe your eye out
with your smock-
There's lots of other martyrs hanging round
the block.
There's --a and there's --
And there's--black in the face,
Whose heads have all been busted
Since the STATESMAN won the race.
Mr. Marshal, out of respect for the newly
departed, we will adjourn court until the
next mourner comes along when We vii.
again unbosom ourself anG ~hoop him up to
the lard where all bad eggs go.