Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-09-23
f. II n
Hofenstine on Money-Making-He Tells
Of Horizons Plan.

AAVA
''Misder Hoffenstein," observed Fer
man thoughtfully, "de order day 1 was
reading how all de rich men in de guntry
got dere money by blinking of blans und
inderbrises, und sometimes l dink DOT J
will get up blan myself. Vat you dnk
uf it ?''
s'My g-r-racious, Herman y replied Hof-
fenstein, astonished, s'vat makes you dalk
dot way? Don't you hat sense enough to
know dot vile you vas going around vast
ing your time blinking Nv blan to make
money dot oder beople will pc working and
getting velthy? Pay your attention to de
pitness, Herman, if you want to get rich.
Dot vas de SECRET uf success. Ven [ was
in Vickspurg knew man from Alaba-
ma. und his name was Horton. All vat
Horton efar do vas dinking of blans to get
rich, und keep on dinking uf dem undil he
vent around de sdreets nit his cloding
looking like rag carpet und drying to
make he beople invest der money Won
day he came in my sdore, und he says:
ApuAS3 'Nhco w wv JOu Ol1 OuolACoo I'll
imbortance.' Vat vas it, Horton p says.
Veil he dinks vile und den he says, L
haf blan vich if 1 hat de money to carry
it oud would make me one of de velthiesJ
men de whole country around. Do you
know dot in Alabama dere vas blenty uf
railroads und no less den fifdy dousand old
mules vat vas plind und has warts on dere
legs p Watts de mules got to do nit de
railroads, says. Wait avile und you will
know says Horton, und he dook oud ut
his pocket bece uf baper und a pencil
Now he says. I'VE con buy mules fur
fifdy cents a biece, und ven de railroad
runs offer Won uf dem und kills him We
gets dwentY dollars from the railroad beo-
pie. Flfdy dousand mules at dwenty dol
lars head will bring Won million uf dol
lars. Shust dink, Hoffenstein, de broft
dere was in de pisness. | hat put de
blan already in Liberation, urd it works
shust so easy as. a Wind mill. LII de town
in Alabama we're [ lif dere vas an old plind
mule vat vas named Mike, und de only
ambition vat he hat vas to go around at
night und fall down de veil. Every morn
ing ven de beople got up dey found dot
pule at de bottom of some veil in de town,
und dey would hat to york all day to get
him oud. Ven he wasn't in a veil at night
he would be standing on de sidewalk, und
ven man NIT lantern come along he
would eder kick de man trew de lantern Or
de lantern trew de man, defending endire-
ly on vich uf dem he hit frsd Veil Won
head oud uf hole IN a bridge vat he fal
in drinks uf de blan vat dells you aloud,
und | vent to de man vat owned Mike und
he sold me de mule for secondhand &C
cordeon. Veil Won nighd put de mule
nit a bundle uf fodder on de railroad
drack. und de nexd week de compays pays
me dwenty dollars. All dot We hat to dc.
Hoffenstein, vas to buy all de ole mules vo
vas in Alabama und our fortune vas made.
Il won't dake much capital, und ven yor
Sdate vas worked out We would move to
another Herman, dot vas Horton IS blan
for getting velthy, und the last dime dat
saw him be vas blanting cabbage oud al
de p0or-hOuse.
WAITING FOR JoNEs.-There are GER
tain people who are SO entirely satisfied
ard self-sufficient, so unwilling to rely at
all upon others, and so fearful least Oy
asking questions they shall discover theis
business to others, that thev defeat their
own ends, and not seldom land themselves
in ridiculous situations. 1t was one of
this sort who dropped into downtown
store the other day, stalked into the pri-
vate counting room and asked: SIS Mr.
Jones in 70 Mr.. Jones' partner, Mr..
Brown, was sitting at his desk. and look
ing up said, quietly, NO." and then gave
the intruder an inquiring glance, as if t.
ask what he could do for him. But he
merely pushed for the morning paper, drew
up chair, put his feet upon the corner
of the desk and proceeded to absorb the
news. Mr.. Brown continued with his work,
attending to the correspondence and bust
ness callers. At length the intruder veni-
ured to suggest that Mr.. Jones didn't seen
to be coming, to which Mr.. Brown gave :;
lacOnic "No." Another half hour passed
and the intruder. having exhausted the pa
per and finished his cigar, took out hi
watch and asked. 'When will Mr. Jones
be IMP" Really don't know" said Mr.
Brown, politely; 81 had a telegram from
him just before you came in, saying that
be should leave San Francisco this eve
ming, but when he will get here 1 can't
say" Then the intruder departed, proba-
bly, to make a similar attack elsewhere.
A bashful young man could defer the
momentous question no longer as he STAN
mered: Martha, lido you-must
have-are you aware that the good book
So ys-e says that it is not g-g-good that
m man should be alone?" ''Then hadn'i
you better run home to your mother?''
Martha coolly suggested.
"Why, Mr.. b. said tall youth to a
little person, who was in: company with
half dozen huge men. Il protest you are |
SO very small did not see you before"
Every likely" replied the little gentle
man; Il am like six pence among copper
pennies-not easily perceived, but worth
the whole of them.'a
mo, said Miss Culture, of Boston.
when asked to dance the lancers at The
Ocean House, Newport: mo, rarely per
NIT myself to be led into square dances.
They do not have the requisite element of
and social science about
Them for me" /
Little pitchers have great ears: aNow.
then, what's your papa's name, Freddy ?''
Dunno" "Don't know your .papa's
name! Why what does mamma call himY,