St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-01-14
Fun at a Funeral.

AprOpOs of the banquet at the Aborn
House. in which both republicans and
democrats took active part and gave
vent to the feeling inspired by the re-
suit of the late election, we COPY from
the NOnpareil a speech made by Mr. l..
B. Cake, a young democrat of Page
county, at republican jollfication
meeting held at Clarinda. The good
humOr, general wit and general happy
manner of the speaker warrants its pro-
duction even at this date. After num-
ber of republicans had spoken, Mr.. Cake
being observed among the audience was
called upon, dragged out and compelled
to the following deliverance, which we
commend alike for its fun and philoso-
ply to the dOldful democracy:
Fellow Citizeas A man usually at
tends his own funeral, but it is not ex-
pected that be should talk 4 great deal
| knew the funeral ceremonies would
go on without me, so | concluded |
would bring in the body. Laughter |
But it takes Il good deal of grace to sus-
tain n man who has to furnish the
corpse for an occasion like this. Laugh
ter. Nobody but a democrat could do
it. 1t is certain that no one save dem
Ocrat has had a chance to try it for the
last twenty years. Disappointment is
the modern Democrats birthright, and
mourning his normal condition they
took out a patent on disaster twenty
years ago, and it has never been in
frlnged. The patent run out in 1876,
and they have just got it renewed.
Loud applause. Looking over the
landscape of the last twenty years
behold acres and acres of busted hopes.
cords and cords of disgruntled ambi-
tiOnS, barrels and barrels of unavailing
tears, oceans and oceans strewn with
the wreck of phantom ships once bur
dened with democratic delusiOn. Dis
appointment is an anchor to the demo-
cratic soul both sure and stead fast
[Continued apphnse.I
Leaves have their tim to fall
And flowers To wither at the north winds breath
And stars to set, but all. . Democrat
Thou hast all time for thine death.
| might say with Shy sufferance,
yea, suterance is the badge of our
Tribe. | could give you 800 reasons for
that. A lawyer offered a judge sixteen
reasons why his client was not in court.
First be was dead. The Judge told him
he might omit the other fifteen. The
first reason of my 329 Is we lacked the
votes. [Laughter.l You will allow me
to omit the other :}2S. But | could give
you more than 329 reasons. Yes, MOrey
letter, John Kelley did it with his little
racket. Wade Hampton's mule broke
his leg instead of his neck, and Ben Hill
wasn't born mule. English had fore
closed his mortgages and we couldn't
redeem. Then
'Tis the South that can supply
Solid comfort while we die.
Loud laughter.l In some states the
Greenback party fell through crack
in their platform and crippled us. But
democracy still lives. It's like the mule,
while it lives it is forever throwing its
riders. Applause.] 1t bucked Gree
ley off and killed him in 1872. Tilden
stuck on until he passed under the
wire, but there was so much daylight
between him and his democratic quad
uped the judges counted him OFF, al
though he had his feet in the strrups.
This year we got a splendid send of
and might have won, but the donkey
was stricken down with (g) Landers.
We close this chapter of history with
the hope that the story will not be con-
timed in our next. We accept defeat
the more cheerfully because of the mag
nanimous manner with which you take
the victory. We take it every four
years. 1t is a standing prescription. II
might well be called the quadrennial
ipecac. 1t works up before election
and works down as the returns come in.