The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-03-10
FACETIE.
ON ABsALoM THoMPsoN's VEST.
Then he ran to his parent stern and told.

ON ABSALOM THOMPSONS b VEST.
Then he ran to his parent stern and told,
And the parent stern replied:
"There amt no harm in vest; slide out"
But the lad refused to slide.
"Therc amt no harm in a vest, know"
And his eye flashed bright that minute,
''But isn't it dangerous, dad" he asked,
''When Absalom Thompson's in 1t?'
When the Indians go on a Staying
party, they get out their runners.
Regular rehearsals have been recon-
mended for new book canvassers.
Bob Ingersoll says that it was drink
Ing hotel coffee which first made him
an atheist.
You might as we'll try to strike a
light on block of ice as to do business
without advertising,
When a married woman buys a pug
dog for low price she gets bargain
and her husband gets something to
boot.
Virginia is getting more than her
wont of snow. This is the first real in
dication of the growing Northern feel
ing said to be noticed there.
Miss Lisetta Reist. of London, lately
deceased, left money to be used forever
in sprinkling Tower street hill with sand,
to prevent horses from slipping.
Anxious small boy ''Ma, where did
l chuck my skates after the ice broke up
last springP Bridget, do you know
where'n n thunder my sled is?''
.'Well, Miss,'' said knight of the
birch rod, lean you decline kiss?"
''Yes, sir" said the girl, dropping a
sI
to most plaguily.''
Stanley says the American Nation
could be set down in the heart of Africa
and find itself lost. Our lightning-rod
peddlers would open communication
pretty quick.
''What earthly use is it, exclaimed
a languid Washington swell the other
morning, ''our twying to be awisto-
cwatic, monarchial and that sort of
thing, when Senator of the United
States eats peanuts while riding in the
street cars. We're nothing but dim'd
horrid republic, after ALL
Little six-year-old was taking his
first lesson in addition, and when the
teacher asked him, eff 1 were to give
YOU two cats and another nice lady gave
you have?' he quickly replied, ''Why,
pretty soon l wouldn't have any, for
my mamma would break their necks
with the broom. She don't like cats.''
-No3TtStOacn Herald.
No wonder a man hates to have his
picture taken. When he gets seated
the photographer tells him to look per-
fectly natural. So the fellow makes a
desperate effort to twist his face into its
natural expression. The effort gener-
ally results in an expression like unto
that of madman trying to look cross
eyed and plan murder at the same
time, and when he sees the picture he
thinks that if it looks natural he must
be too mortally homely to have his pic
ture lying around. And he doesn't
submit to the process again in a hurry.
A well dressed Galveston gentleman
found hixlself in very embarrassing
situation yesterday. He had left his
money at home, and not nickel or
car ticket could he find anywhere in
his clothing. He was about to leave
the car, when perfect stranger with
sinister cast of countenance rendered
the gentleman a nickel, who gladly ac-
cepted it and dropped it into the box
The gentleman then shook his unknown
benefactor by the hand, thanking him
for the confidence and accommodation,
and asking for his address so as to re-
turn the money. '.Never mind" re-
sponded the generous man, fercely,
Its counterfeit, anyhow. The
street car company will make that hell
hound of driver redeem it. They
will dock his wages. I've got no spite
at YOU. He is the scoundrel l am after,
He has trified with the affections of my
sister, but this will show him what sort
of mani am when my blood is up."-
GaIceSton NecS.