The Osceola times., 1881-01-08
Counrii .vsaitinCc.

ton. The small boy population
were there in force, none being alb
sent except Oscar, and he sent
word that be had run splinter ~
his wooden leg and had gum boil
on his other heel, and couldn't come.
On this announcement, several OF
the little coons were seen drawing
a greasy slee-e across their optics,
while others giggled and stuffed
hats in their mouths. After the
the usual formal roll.cail, the per-
formance began. The Chairman
said ",Men and brethren, owing TO
tho very severe weather which we
are experiencing. and which hae
kept the drinking and rowdy class
from town, our revenue is cut oil,
and some measure must be taken to
rcfronch ; our wood-plles are grow
ing beautifully less day by day the
grocer and the butcher are clamor-
Gus Tor their money, some means
mnsi bc devised by which the diff
cultics OF the occasion may be over
come, it's n ground swine case.
| What say you, men and brethren y
/ Here two of the Aldermen arose
and after giving themselves A shake
to reassure themselves of their IN
dividual strength, proposed that
one should arm himself with copy
of Ganl's Digest and the other with
a copy of Blackstone, the choice OF
weapons TO be decided by test OF
their knowledge OF the contents OF
the weapons to be used, and the
two to engage IN mortal combat,
the conqueror to draw the pay OF
the vanquished. This rash propo-
sition was frowned down by the
big man in the chair, and the two
irate members ordered to sit down
Smyth." After few minutes med
itation, during which he gently laid
his finger on the side Of his nose,
sometimes giving 1t gentIepull td-
ter the manner Of a milk maid draw.
ing milk from the COW, an idea
seemed suddenly TO spring forth
from the chairman, and lie said
Gentlemen, inasmuch as that Joe
receives the biggest pay, and has
no woodpile of his own TO provide,
nor meat bills to foot up, he is the
proper one TO retire from public
lite )" then came the order, "lcts
prefer charges agin him. agreed.
The charges were read, "now put
him on trial - agreed" chimed
the aldermen in chorus" and con
tinued the chairman, not breaking
the chain Of his remarks, Z" let ali
these children act as witnesses,
they may as well be initiated now,
into the mysteries of "succcsstul
witnessing" as later in lite, IN fact
reliable" witnesses are getting
scarce, and these boys must be train
cd up They were stood up in a
row, when the Recorder with sig
nificant chuckle, raised his left hand
and said, boys, do you tumble 2
"you bet your boots" they replied.
"Then stand up on your left foot,
there, you do solcmnly curse on
every possible occasion, and tell all
you don't know IN this case where.
in O'Reily was bruised and Joe is
trying TO escape so help you John
Barleycorn," Put EN- under the
rule Che should have said, aoitcL,
and sent them home) said the prin.
cipal prosecutor. First witness be.
ing on the stand testified as follows:
| Wit. al saw Joe take Rely hy
the arm and promenade up the lev
&c with him. That's all | know
about it,
"Stand aside, next witness
Wit. "Joe took Rely by the
arm and walked up the leyee with
him."
"Stand aside, next
Wit. "Joo TUX him by the arm
and led him up the ley
"Stand aside"
Pros. at strikes me, Mr.. Chair.
man, that these witnesses are pret.
ty well trained, and all for the de.
fence, and that we are likely TO
make out but a sorry case Of this,
therefore, | move that tins case be
dismissed "
Chair. "All right, gentlemen
but don't see how we ARE to re-
plenish our stock of provrsons or
rebuild our wopd-piles by this sort