Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1881-12-16
Eslsrf Misrellany.
A New Element in Poker

"N { We been having mint OF trOu-
bic in our church" sighed New Lots
farmer, as he laid a twelve pound on
ion down on the managing EDITORS ta-
BILE. "lt's the most serious difficulty
we've had and we've got to get new
parstor. Do you know Of "a rarstor
ont of a job:'
"What was the trouble about -
asked the editor.
"Why, you see. there was Deacon
Skutch got to backslidin' and playin'
keerdS. His son had just come home
from the West and got him to playin'
and we couldn't break him off. Ev-
erything else about him was all right
lat that and We didn't know how to
work from his idol. We wrestled
with him but it was no use He SAID
he knew it was all wrong but he
couldn't swear off no how. Finally
We dcacons proposed to the pastor to
play Deacon Skutch a game Of poker
whether he should quit or not and the
pastor was willin' to do what he could
for the erin soul; so they got up
game. We deacous were there 10 see
that it was a proper game they started
in"
Didn't the minister stake anything
on the game =
Hold on till | tell You. That's
what Deacon Skutch wanted to know
lie said h. was putin in everything
and he wanted something to play for
And the parstor said all right he'd
put up religion against the deacon's
ungodliuess so that if the deacon won
he'd be in anyv ay. The deacon dealt
and called on the parstor to ante
The parstor looked mt his hand and
anted up the doctrine of original sim
This was before the draw. The dea-
con made it good with a promise not
TO play for money and the parstor
took two keerds. He had three mines
and he got a pair of fourS. the dca-
drew three keerds and beln his bet lie
Clipped in an agreement never 10 play
ON Sunday. The parstor seen him
that with Total Depravity and raised
him To the extent of Justification by
Faith"
LET NE understand this. Suppose
tAa sa7san ias' 2, -
.'fhen he WASN'T to preach themY
things any more. They belonged to |
the deacon. Well, the deacon pom
,lcred bit and then he sees the raise
with the promise not even to play for
drinks and raises again with "A pledge
10 leave the kcerds home when he /
went to PRAYER meeting. We seed he
was scttln' scarf and the parstor went
for him. He seen his raise with bap- !
tism aud hoisted him with the doc
trinc Of atoncment II began to look /
As if the par.tor would fling him with |
ont show down. cause We thought !
he Was raisin' him out. But the
deacon came back with an agreement
to play nothing but old maid and ele-
cratcd The pot with an agreement not
10 PLAY that more'n once week.
Then the parson lifted in. He seen
him with the torments Of the Damned
and raised him 10 the limit with the
whole Orthodox Creed. That made
the deacon scratch his head, but he
could Just see him with a solemn oath
never to touch another keerd and they
dropped their hands"
GLOW did they come OUT" asked
the excited editor.
The parson winned Deacon
Skutch only had two pair
Then | don't see where the trou-
ble is" sand the disappointed editor.
That parstor was so worked up on
the keerds he can't preach anything
else. Last week he alluded to the
four gospels as bob-tail flush and
the week before he maintained the
five loaves and two fishes was mis-
deal. He's just wild on the game and
saws the ari>in' Of Lazarus shows that
the business was ali right. OF course
our congregation can't stand and we
have got to have new rarstor 1t
won't do to have minister claim in
our pulpit that she bears eat'up the
children because they slung the pro-
phet over the limit No sir, nor
preach that Judas Iscariot had "a right
to stand on his hand when the rest
had passed ont. instead of making a
jack pot. If you heer of parstor
that's out of job send him up and
give me little notice about this thing,
will yer? My names deacon Skutch."