The National tribune., 1881-12-24
THE VICTIM OF A VIRTUE.

l am one of those persons envied for three
months in the year and pitied for nine, who,
"live a little way" out of London. In the sum-
mer our residence is a charming one; the garden
especially is delightful and attracts troops OF
London friends. They are not Onl y always will
ing to dine with us, but drop in Of their own mo-
tiOn and stay for the last train to town. The
vague observation "any fine day." or the more
evasive phrase some fine day. used in compli-
mentary invitations, are then very dangerous for
us to employ, for We are taken at our word, just
as though we meant it. This would be very
gratifying, however expensive, if it only happen
ed all the year round But from October to June
nobody comes near u.s.
In reply to our modest invitations We then re-
ceive such expressions of tender regret as would
convince the most sceptical: "a previous engage
ment," indisposition of our youngest born" the
horses ILL.," some catastrophe or other, always
prevents our friends from enjoying another even
ing with us " like that charming one they spent
last July" They hope, however, to be given that
same happy chance again, when the weather Is a
little less inclement," by which they mean next
summer. As for coming to dine with us in winter,
they will see US further irst-by which they
mean nearer first. Sometimes at their own
boards we hear this stated though of course
without any intentional application Some guests
will observe to us, pFOpOs Of dinners, 1t is most
extraordinary how people who live half dozen
miles out OF town viii attempt TO ignore the sea-
sons and expect you to 90 and dine with them
Just as if it was August, through four feet of snow
1t does really seem-as Jones, our excellent host,
tho or tha heiuh of
personal conceit"
As we have occupied our present residence for
some wears, we have long had the conceit taken
out of us; but we have still our feelings. Our
social toes are not absolutely FROST bitten, and
when thus trOdden upon are aware of the cir
cumstance. 1t grieveS us to know what Jones
has thought land said of US, and my wife drops
a quiet tear or two during our drive home in the
brougham. | am bound to confess it is rather
long ride. find myself dropping asleep before
we have left brick and mortar behind u.s. and as
We cross the great common near our home ! feel
a considerable change in the temperature. 1t is
a beautiful breezy spot, with a lovely view in
summertime; the playground Of the butterfly
and the place of business of the bee; but in win
ter it is cold and lonely enough.
In the daytime there is nobody there at all.
In the evening at uncertain intervals there is the
haunt of the Knights of the Road; during whose
epoch, by the by, l should fancy that those who
lived in the locality found it even more difficult
to collect their friends around them than now.
1t has still bad name for tramps and vagabonds
which makes my wife little nervous when the
DAYS begin 10 draw in" and our visitors to draw
off. She insists upon my going over the house be-
fore retiring TO rest every night and making
port OF AIS we'll" Being myself not much over
five feet high in my boots and considerably less in
my slippers lin which | am wont to make these
peregrinations it has often suggested itself to
my mind that it would be more judicious to leave
the burglars TO do their worst, as regards the
plate and things and not risk what is ito me-
much more valuable. OF course | could hold
the lives Of half dozen men in my hand"-a
quotation from my favOrite authority merely
arming myself with loaded revolver; but the
simple fact is, / am SO unskilled in the use of
any weapon unless the umbrella can be called
SUCH, that l should be just likely to begin
with shooting number one THAT is myself, as
number two the first ruffian." "Never willingly,
my dear say to Julia will shed the life bloed
of any human being, and least of all my own"
On the other hand, as / believe in the force of
imagination, always carry on these expeditions,
in the pocket of my dressing gown, chiId's pistol
belonging TO our infant, Edward John--which
looks like real one, and would, am persuaded,
have all the effect of real one in my hands with
out the element of personal peril. Miserable ruff
fans" 1 had made up my mind tosay, when coming
upon the gang, your lives are in my power"
(here | exhibit the pistols butt, "but out of
perhaps mistaken clemency l will only shoot
one OF you, the one that is the last to leave my
house. | shall count six" (Or sixteen, according
to the number of the gang, land then fire"
Upon which they would, calculated, all ske-
daddle helterpelter TO the door they got in at,
which i should lock and double-lock after them.
You may ask, Why double-lock? ? but you will
get no satisfactory reply. know no more what
TO 'doube-lock" means than you do, but my
favorite nOvelst-a sensational Cne-always uses
it, and | conclude he ought 20 know.