News and citizen. [volume] (Morrisville, Vt. ;) 1881-current, 1881-12-22
WIT AND WISDOM.
WED NO woman in whom you can find
M Aaru noaIfa

A NEW YORK landlord bas reduced
his rents one-half. One-half his houses
have fallen down, which is the reason.
IT Is now believed that the Star-route
men will let the Government down easy,
and not sue for damages. Chicago 1Fi-
bWee.
THEY talk about the bracing air of the
mountains, but the only air that can
brace up the impecunious is a million
naire.
A PARTY who has been unfortunate in
stocks says he believes il he should buy
balloon it would not 60 up.-Boston
Bulletin.
IT TAKES six years to learn pig to
J understand nine words, and all these
) words put together won't drive him out
of garden. p
THE man who stood in front of his
glass for two hours getting the right
color on his mustache said he was just
"dyeing to see his girl. > Yonkers
Statesman. fo
Two ladies are candidates for the
clerkship of the Ohio Legislature.
When you hear which has been elected
you will know which is the better
looking. a.-l N5t-
An Ono girl sued man for breach
of promise and proved him such mean
scoundrel that the jury decided that she
ought to pay him something for not
marrying her.
THERE are people in this world who
have such an air of freezing dignity and
reserve that if you remain near them
for any length of time you will inevita-
bly, catch cold.
SoHooLM1srREss Gust beginning nice
improving lesson upon minerals to the
inniors) y "Now, what are the principal
things we get out of the earth ?" Youth
full angler, aged four Confidently
"aWorms. ."-Philadelphio Bulletin.
AN EXCHANGE says that America con-
tains more patriots than any other coun-
try in the world. No sooner does o
statesman become member Of the
Cabinet than he appoints his sons for
duty in his country's service.
THE aesthetic lawyer spoke ironically
of his opponent as an astute gentleman,
whereupon the opponent retorted that
he entertained similar opinion of the
other, regarding him astute, too.
| A JERSEY CrTY husband who remained
out until midnight and forgot the story
he had cooked up to tell his wife, tainted
away in the hall as she met him.-De'
t-oit Free Press.
"HAs JOHN obtained q situation yet ?"
asked an old gentleman of his daughter,
John being her betrothed lover. COB
tanned situation Why, pa, how dis
gustingl No, but he has accepted
position !"
IT IS stated that in Manitoba girls are
so scarce that each one has on the aver
age 200 lovers to choose from. 1t may
be added that in nine cases out OF ten
the girl chooses the worst man out OF
the lot.-Bostoa Post.
AND now they say that " leading
Irish patriot" has been taking up col
lection in Dublin for the purpose of i'm
porting South American earthquake,
on the ground that it is the greatest
land agitator.
A BOY of Columbus swallowed twenty
feet of red ribbon in order that he might
afterward pull it out of his mouth, con-
iurer fashion, and astonish the family.
1t took doctor four weeks to set him
on his feet again. Free Press.
HR#x-s -saaa-tyffo -frarg4-s- -4I4...s- -a4-s-~srnds
apart from the world upon the pedestd1S
of his own superior worth and intellect,
not unfrequen:ly suggests to the other
fellows q small hen trying to do
mothers duty by thirty-nine eggs.
No SPECIAL punishment has yet been
designed for that class of criminals who
steal march, strike light, heave
sigh, drown care, cudgel their brains,
pick their steps, throw out feelers, or
use club for political purposes.
ANOTHER impostor has been exposed.
He claimed to be railroad brakeman
out OF work but when he went out OF
the room he did not slam the door hard
enough to make the chairs dance, and
was of course arrested. philadelphia
NeWs.
A GERMAN sat on the bank of a river
watching an Englishman who was fish
ing. Finally he exclaimed: "Here
I have been for four hours
watching this man holding his
line; strange that he does not lose his
patience I"
A CURRENT paragraph states that "A
Virginian, who was sentenced to the
penitentiary few days ago for horse
stealing, at one time paid taxes on $780,
O0O." The demoralizing effects of the
tax paying habit cannot be too deeply
deplored.
Mr.. RAaBY was only twenty three
when his eldest son was born. But he
didn't seem very jolly. Not but what
he was fine boy. But he said: "Old
friend, just think of it Here at the
early stage of twenty three I've got to
begin to set good example y
LOVE tied his little arrows up
And thrust them in his quiver;
Love took me by regretful hand, and
Said, "Good-by forever"
ely not !" 1 cried, but love held forth
blunder barbe, and sad
Replied My occupations gone hearts
Now are iron-clad."
A MEDICAL journal ascribes the decay
of the teeth to the failure to exercise
them on hard material. This would
seem to account for the fact that per-
sons brought up on boarding house
beefsteak generally possess such cast
iron teeth and jaws.
A CORRESPONDENT writes to an ex-
change inquiring: els good character
of any value?" Considering recent de-
velopments in banking circles, We
should say when a man of good char
acter is around to any extent it's pretty
safe to keep the doors locked.
81 SAY, Gilpin," said Squire McGill,
yesterday morning, "who was that
sandy haired man you was talking with
this morning?" ooh, that was Colonel