Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-10-27
THE WAY TO COLLECT A BILL,

fun.
"Come, now, Brown" said Joe, "what will
you bet can't get the money from the old
Squire, before he gets home?"
ga new hat" said Brown.
Enough said" said Joe.
While Brown was hunting the bill, Joe dis.
guised himself in striped blanket and
slouched hat Thus equipped, with the bill
in his hand, he took after the Squire.
"Hallo, is your name Tobin ?"
"Yes," answered the Squire, with a snarl,
"what is that to you?"
81 have little bill, sir collecting for mer-
chant Brown, sir"
"Merchant Brown can 90 to thunder, sir,
said the Squire, "Ive no money for him; you
must call again"
Joe bowed politely, slipped down the alley
just in time to meet the old Squire at the next
corner.
90, sir" said Joe, stopping suddenly, "Is
your name Tobin?"
"Tobin, sir, is my name"
"Here is little bill, sir, from merchant
Brown"
"Zounds sir" replied the Squire. didn't
meet you just round the corner?"
"Meet me ?" replied Joe, "guess it was b,
another of Browns collectors"
"Then [ suppose merchant Brown has two
red striped collectors dogging my steps; |
won't pay it, sir to-day-begone !" The old
Squire as he said this, brought his stick hard
upon the pavement and toddled on.
Joe, nothing daunted, took advantage of an
other alley, and by rapid movement, in few
minutes placed himself once more in front of
the Squire. The old mans bile was making
him mutter and growl as he walked along,
now and then giving point to his anger by
very emphatic knocks of his cane upon the
sidewalk. When within twenty feet Of each
other, the old Squire espied his striped friend
once more in front. Squire Tobin stopped
and raising his cane, exclaimed
"You internal, insolent puppy, what do you
mean?"
Joe, affecting great astonishment, checked
up, within a safe distance, and replied
"Mean, sir! You surprise me, sir; don't
know you, sir"
"Ain't you merchant Browns collector that
dunned me FIVE minutes ago?"
"Me, sir !" replied Joe 81 am one of mer-
chant Browns collectors, to be sure but l
don't know you, sir"
"My name is Tobin, sir" rejoined the irrl-
tated Squire, and you look like the fellow
that stopped me twice before"
"Impossible, r!'' reioined Joe. "It must
have been some other of merchant Browns
collectors. You, see, sir, there are forty of
US, all wrapped in red striped blankets-and,
by-the-bye, Mr.. Tobin, think have small
bill against you
Forty red striped collectors, and each one
after me! !" CALCULATED the Squire "Darn me,
I must put stop to this; they will all over
take me before reach home" Saying which
he pulled out his wallet and quietly settled
merchant Browns bill of $3.50.
Joe thanked the Squire, and moved off;
but as the Squire had another square to trav-
ell before reaching home, Joe could not resist
The inclination to head him just once more.
He accordingly made another circuit, and
came in collision with the angry old man ere
he was noticed.
"Zounds! POUNDS stranger" vociferated
the Squire: "What-" Here he caught
sight of the red striped blanket, as Joe, dis
engaging himself from the old man, took to
his heels Squire Tobin's cudgel was 6ercely
hurled after Joe, accompanied with hearty
curse upon merchant Brown and his forty COL
lectors in red striped blankets.
1t is unnecessary to say that Joe Harkins
was seen next day topped off with bran
splinter new hat.
"JACKS IN OFFICE"
A number of politicians, all of whom we're
seeking office under government, were scat
tered on the tavern-porch, talking, when an
old topper, named D., came up to them.
Said D., is person who is very loquacious
when "corned," but exactly the opposite when
sober. At the present time being "tight," he
said if the company had no objections he
would tell them story. They told him to
"fre away whereupon he spoke as follows
"a certain king-don't recollecthis name
had a philosopher, upon whose Judgment he
always depended. Now it so happened that
one day the king took it into his head to 60
hunting, and after summoning his mobiles,
and making all the necessary preparations,
he summoned his philosopher and asked him
if it was going to rain. The philosopher told
him it would not, and he and his mobiles de-
parted. While journeying along, they met
a countryman mounted upon jackass. He
advised them to return, for said he, it will
certainl rain They smiled contemptuously
upon him, and passed on. Before they had
gone many miles, however, they had reason
to regret not having taken the rustic's advice,
as heavy shower coming up they were
drenched to the skin. When they had re-
turned to the palace, the king reprimanded
the philosopher severely for telling him that
it would be clear when it was not. I met
countryman,' said he, 'and he knows great
deal more than you, for he told me it would
rain, whereas you told me it would not
"The king then gave the philosopher his
walking paper, and sent fer the countryman,
who made his appearance. Tell me- said
the king, how you knew It would rain?' 4
didn't know, said the rustic. My jackass
told me- And how, pray, did he tell you /?
the king asked, in astonishment. BY prick
ing up his ears, your majesty The king
now sent the countryman away. Procuring
the jackass he placed him in the office the
philosopher had filled. 'And here observed
D., looking very wise, lis where the king
made a mistake How so p inquired his
auditors. why, ever since that time said
D., with grin on his phiz, every jackass
wants an office.
TwIsTING.-The Chicago Press tells the
following by way of illustrating the folles of
grown up people: Two girls of twelve or
fourteen years, passed along Lake street sur.
rounded by hoops, and trailing long dresses
over the dirty pavement. They were novices
in the management of such rigging, but de-
tprminad fo ancnire tho art or die in the at. |