Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-08-10
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.

IHE surt ait Newport is now full of
diving belles.-BostOn Courier.
How to live in srtnmer-don't die dur
ing the WINTER McGregor Nears-
A BAD boy says he does not yar.t his
tin Savings bank" There's no cents
in it.
One touch Of nature makes the whole
world sk1n-for' the seashore. Boston
| Globe.
MODEL wives formerly took ga stitch
IN t1me;' now, with the aid of sewing
machine, they take one in no tirne.
'WHEN is the most dangerous time to
visit the couutry2 Give it up. When
the trees are shooting and the bull
rushes out.
THE demand, OF one photographer to,
use the patent PROCESS of another has
been decided in the negative. -NeaO Or
leans Picaa/at1ae.
A MAN who ofered bail for friend was
asked by the judge if he had any en-
cumbrance on his farm. ssOh, yes"
said he--"my old woman
A LABoRER in Russia gets eight cents
day and finds himself" Finds him
self mighty hungry, pretty often, we
should think. -NToswistoayn Herald.
OLD proverb:. sSThe darkey's hour
is just before the dawn" remarked Sam
DO, when he staEted out before daybreak
to steal chicken for breakfast. -Nev
Orleans Times.
HoUsEKEERER@ How can you tell if an
egg IS bad? One way to tell is TO taste
1t. Ii 1t makes You so sick you want
die to get MD OF the taste, you can
sure it's bad egg.
"THE skolars tel Me you spell fssick
with phi SIGH teachin' AS this don't
Goe and mus be imejutly Stopt," wrote
an Arkansas school director to- one of the
teachers In his district.
! A sTBEET-CAR conductor carelessly
carried his bell-punch home, and allowed
his children to play with it. The next
day the company informed him that he
was 5000, 500 fares short.
AN Irish father, complaining of being
constantly ill-used by his sons, said
''There is no affection In any of them
but little Larry. He is good son. He
never strikes me when [ am down.
A SUCCESSFUL race-horse always wins
by four feet, yet he may come two feet
ahead; and yet if it wasn't for feet he
would forfeit the race W.T. and Vss-
dom.
A MINISTER has preached an hour;
then he remarked: "Another wide field
opens from the subject in another direc-
tion." Just then an old colored saint
calculated, "Please Lord, shut up de
bars. "
"YoUR meal is ready, sir" said the
waiter to Hayseed, Just from the rural
districts. "Meal !'' exclaimed Hayseed,
contemptuously, 60 10 yer think I'm
boss Get me some corned beef and
cabbage, young man.
How funnelly that smoke goes up,
remarked Job Shuttle this morning.
eyes, it fues,' replies the oldest boy,
and they both retired to allow the puns
time to crystalline on the fragrant air
New Haue1a Register.
If the red-haired and squint-eyed
woman who sits under one of the gal
yellow flower IN her bonnet, doesn't stop
talking" said the preacher, ''she will be
pointed out to the congregation.
SINISTER influence of the comet:
"Dar, now, I knowed dat dam comic
was bound to hurt somebody" was the
remark of a Sumter county (Georgia)
darkey, when he heard of President
Garield's assassination. Con-
StatutSO2a.
A LITTLE girl went timidly into a shop
the other day and asked the shopman
how many shoe-strings she could get for
penny. ''How long do you want
them?" ne asked: 81 want them to
keep, was the answer, in tone of slight
surprise.
"WEL1, my boy, what have you and
your little friend, Paul, been playing at
this time?'' '.We've been playing
robbers, mamma "Ah and which
was the robber ?" Both. You don't sup
pose either Of us would be the police
man, do you?'
PAsroR-Yes, Mrs. Brown. Taking
into consideration the fact that the
Smiths hardly ever pay their pew rents.
it is strangely bad taste on their part to
sing 50 loudly and throw such JUNCTION
into their prayers. Mrs. Brown-Quite
too terribly shocking. Fun
81 DECLARE I never was more I'M
pressed in my life with the foolishness
VI uICo, CAClHllucu d OOdIu0I 10 Ills IdDO-
lady, as a couple of winged voyagers en-
barked in his soup plate 81 do not
understandyou, sir, . she added haughtily.
"Well," he explained, those two poor
creatures undoubtedly supposed that
this stuff was thick enough to float 'em."
Brooklyn Eagle.
WHEN Cleveland reporter discovered
the hanging body Of suicide, the stu
alton was surrounded thusly: g An owl
booted lonesomely; an old clock on the
shelf licked with terror; a dog howled; it
was midnight outside; the wind sighed;
a cat crouched on the cold hearth in
fear, and a sound like the laugh of
maniac came from the garnet" That
was all. There wasn't even sign on the
wall recommending anybody's stomach
bitters. -Detrojt Free Press.
ssSIR," said fierce lawyer to wit
1,ncC edo Won on UOur cc1o,,,,, oath