The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-07-22
THE wooD-PULP SENATOR.
Interesting Expressions of Opinion on Mr.
conkling, Mr.. Sharpe, Political Issues and
Lapham, Of Canandaieua.
sporadic Correspondence Of the World

Always glad to see newspaper men,
he said cordially. The press is the Arch
imedean lever which moves the world, edu
Gates the masses and consumes annually
270,0o0 tons of odpulp paper. Let me
remark, by the way, my young friend, that
this card of yours is an imported board
Apart from the unpatriotic character OF
your act in patronizing the manufactures
of effete Europe, can put that same arti-
Gle of card to you first quality wood-pulp
at 20 cents a gross, 30 per cent off for
cash."
II have called, Senator -
Say it againl It's so nicel Senators
exclaimed the statesman closing his eyes
in rapture.
Il have called, Senator, to learn, Sena-
tor, your views upon the great issues of
the hour Senator. What do you think of
ex Senator Conkling, Senator?''
| H'mi A great mana really great man
in his way of course, and not only great
| himself, but the cause of greatness in 9th
ers. Thus, if it hadn't been for him Plat
wouldn't have resigned, and if Platt hadn't
resigned the great wood pulp paper indus
| try would have been without representa-
tive in the Senate at this crisis of our his
| tory. But not so great a man as Padman
| of Canastota"
'Lapham, of Canadaigua, you mean,
Senator?o
| 81 mean Laphami No, not nearly so
great man. Lack of tact is Conklings
weak point. You always see the demo-
Gratis pitching into him-always find him
saying or doing something aggressive. Lord
bless us, if my drummers did
business in that way wouldn't sell a ton
of wood pulp in a twelvemonth. A man
like that must come to grief sooner or later.
What does the psalmist say? THE mills
of the gods grind slowly but they grind q
fellow into wood pulp after all. Now
compare with Conkling my friend and col
league Pelham, of Canajoharie"-
'Lapham, Of CanandaIgua, you mean,
senator.
81 mean Lapham. There's man with
a record for you-clean as an unsullied
roll of wood-pulp paper. You never find
| him going to Mentor to make political bar
gains-never find him raising the dead
Southern issue. No, siri Pilman, of Can
| seraga, is another sort of man."
'Lapham, of Canandalgua, you mean,
| senator?"
| II mean Lapham! Besides, Conkling's
| record as monopolist was against him.
He was too closely identified with those
gigantic railroad corporations whose doom
was pronounced by the people when they
refused to make special rates for the trans
portation of wood pulp paper However,
/ bear him no Ill will. In fact | kind
of owe him a debt of gratitude for
acting as warming-pan in the senate I'M
til the fulness of time had come, and
if, as l hear is the case, he isn't particular
ly well-fxed he shall never lack for bread
| so long as Warner Miller has shot in the
locker-I mean an ounce of wood pulp in
the vat How do YOU think he'd do for
a drummer? He's got good address and
fine flow of language, and if he didn't run
up expenses too heavy might hire him.
Be big card, hey?"
''You are indeed noble hearted man,
Senator.
yes, sir; an honest days pay for an
honest weeks work is always my motto,
and whenever / slaughter beef always
give the horns and hoofs to the poor.
I'll suggest it to Ros."
The Republican press, Senator, seems
favorably disposed to you, though the
POST
''Oh, SchurZ has his cranial cavity filled
with wood-pulpl But. as you say the Re-
publican papers are enthusiastic over my
election-in fact, / don't think there is
another man in the State who has gained
so immensely in popularity during the
past year as / have"
What, Senator, is your opinion OF
Speaker Sharper
George H. Sharpe, sir. next to myself
and Hamfat, of Cazenovia"
''Lapham, of Canandaigua, you mean,
Senator ?"
Il mean Lapham Next to US, sir
George FL. Sharpe is the purest patriot OF
the age, and when the obelisk has become
an artesian well and the memory of Wash
ington has persisted from the earth great
full posterity will erect in his honor a ste
plad-I mean a shaft of Carrara marble
fairer than wood pulp paper and nineteen
thousand feet high %
What are your views with regard to
the tariff, Senator ?'
PUT me down as first last and all the
time in favor of tariff reform in the direc
ton of more protection for the wood pull
paper industry"
'tAnd upon the Southern question, Sen
ator p
''The South, my young friend, is STEPPED
| in ignorance and barbarism, has but few
newspapers, and so is not an extensive
consumer of wood pulp. Besides, many
of the unrepentant rebels have started fac
tories for making paper from esparto grass.
/ am in favor of educating the
South to remedy the defect te
which / have alluded, but in the
! mean time / desire that the hard earned
results of the war be maintained, that the
amendments be respected, that the wood
pulp of the North be placed on an equal
ty with the exports of the South, or fo1
that matter in a superior position. Til
this has been done these United States il
/ not a Nation"
with reference to the financial ques
| ton, Senator?"
My views, sir, are what they ever have
been-5 per cent. off for cash, a sixty anc
ninety days time for approved paper
That is my position in one word"
And upon the issue of civil service re
form, Senator?"
Upon that point, sir, as my friend and
colleague, Maypole. of Cheektowaga'-
Lapham, of Canandaigua, you mean
| SenatorY'
mean Lapham-as he says, there il
much to be said upon both sides. SO long
as we haven't got civil-service reform tons
upon tons of wood-pulp paper are consnm
ed IN books, newspapers, letters speech
es, reports, etc. On the other hand,
II we have civil-service reform
though there win be fewer docu-
ments of this sort and papers for
applicants, there will be Ecar-1oads upon
car loads of wood7pulp paper employed in
flo pyo ao4so