The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1881-11-10


old time" some soldiers robbed q night
watchman OF his coat, boots, aud money.
The next day ne repaired to the captain OF
the regiment 20 complain Og his misfortune.
The captain at once asked him whether he
had on at the time the same things he was
then wearing. "Yes, sir; the very same"
replied the poor man. "Then, in that
case, my good fellow" reioined the cap
tain, {" can positively assure you that the
paltry rlscals do not belong 10 my distin-
guished company, otherwise they would
have left you neither waistcoat, trousers,
nor shirt
At repartee the Rev. Sydney Smith had
few equals, and he must have been bold
individual who attempted TO banter words
with that celebrated humOrist. His hui
morsome and deliberate manner OF driving
home retOrt thick-headed squire once
discovered, who, being worsted by him in
an argument. reYenged himself by eXclalin-
ing: "By Jove, II had 4 son who was an
idiot I'd make hlm a p2rsOn." very
probably" replied sydney; "but | sec
voit- father was Of different mind"
Evidently, we cannot be too cautious
when we argue the point with others,
or too careful in the choice OF an express
sion, especially with those who are re-
putedly known to be both sharp and clever.
Sometimes the tables are turned " when
we least expect il. 4 severe home-thrust
was once given to young country clergy
man. who happened at the time to be
walking home from church with one OF
his elder parishiOners. IL was very icy
day. when the latter suddenly slipped ana
fell at full length on his back. The min
ister at a glance, feeling assured that ne
was not much hurt, said TO him, An, my
good sir, pray give me your hard; sinners
stand on slippery places" The old gen
tleman looked up and Immediately
answered, - So / perceive; you certainly
keep your footing remarkably we'll"
A native OF the Emerald Isle is credited
with the well-known remark "that ne
never opened his mouth but he put MS
foot in it," The subiOined example may
be a case in point. An irish member OF
Parliament. bOasting Of his attachment 10
the iury system in a room full OF company,
OF whom Curran. the distinguished barris-
ter aud celebrated orator, was one, sald
.9With trial by jury have lived, and, by
the blessing Of God, with trial by Jury
? will die!" "Why, then, said Curran' IN
mock amaZement, "you'ye entirely MADE
up your mind 10 be hanged, Dick "
A witty nObleman once asked clerical
gentleman at the bottom OF the table why
/ the goose. when there was one, was always
placed next 20 the paTsOn. Really, my
/ lord" said the clergyman, "your question
/ is somewhat difficult 70 answer, and so re-
markably odd that | VOW l shall never see
goose again without being reminded Of
your lordship."
II is related Of Lord Falkland that in
/ 1868. under the Commonwealth, his adinis-
sion 10 the House OF Commons was very
much opposed by several members, he be
iug barely OF legal age. Some urged that
he had not vet sOwn his wild oats "Per-
hsps not he quickly retOrted, "but no
doubt good opportunity will be offered
me 10 SOW them in this House, where evil
I IDENTIFY there are plenty Of geese TO pick
] them up" The petulance Of youth was
here most forcibly exhibited.
There is q class Of peculiar people we
sometimes observe at places Of pubic re-
sort who endcavor by various means to
make themselves remarkably conspicuous :
II nav be in dress. conversation, or gene
raj behavior. At a cattle-shOw held IN one
OF our country towns a country pumpkin
who for some time had been disturbing the
company with his loud remarks, at last
broke forth: "Prize-cattle, indeed. Call
these 'ere prize-cattleg Why, they amt
nothing to what our folks raised. You
mavn't think il, bat my father raised the
biggest calf Of any man round our parts"
ooh" exclaimed a byStander, "we have
no doubt Of that"
Then, again, 10 be considered donkey
is not altogether conducive to ones salts
faction or dignity, few, il any, OF us caring
10 be classed with that much-abused ana
yilifed animal. On one occasion no small
amount OF merriment followed retorl
made by an indignant gentleman during
a sale Of pictures at London auction
room. He and another disputed the pos
session OF 4 capital picture by cele-
brated English painter which faithfully
represented an ass. Each seemed determln'
ed TO outbid the other. Finally, one said
NY dear sir, II is Of no use, shall moi
give in. The painting once belonged tC
NV grandfather and intend to have 1t. -
"Oh. in that case" said his opponent
Il will give up. think YOU are fully en-
titled to ii il it is one OF your family por
traits"