The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1881-07-28
Tom PutkinS' Fishing!


has many of the qualities that go to
make up a good fisherman. He has
endurance, patience, and can stand a
deal of hunger before he 'gives in
'I'll tell ye," said Tom, ''of the
most remarkable fishing | ever did-a
spell that came very near gittin away
with me. | was down on the river
the other day, fishin; | was havin just
no luck at all; I had tried every imag-
Unable way to entice the fnny gentle
men within hookin distance. Be-
comm tired at last, fell into a doze.
1t was on the day of the Democratic
State Convention, and, as was nat
ural enough I got to dreamin of the
Democratic party. In my dream |
was fshin; around my hook were
thousands upon thousands of fine fish,
to which [ gave the name 'spoils;' |
put on fine large worm and threw
in, but nary bite; | concluded the bait
didn't suit, and | put on 'crawfsh,'
but them fish would come to the top
of the water, look at me kind of sus-
picious like, turn tail, and swim away;
then | drew out my hook and baited
with soft dough; nary bite; tried a
tougher bait; [ put on a piece of
bacon-rind; but soap-grease would not
save them fish, and away they went;
then tried flies; put on a golden
one, then silver one, then a green
one, then a blue-bottle. The blue
bottle was the only one they would
look at, and even that didn't tempt
them very much.
Here was a pickle plenty of fish,
but no way to get them to bite.
knew they were hungry, too. At last
[ concluded to make one more desper-
ate effort to secure some Of them. |
took out my hook and placed upon it
a large, plump piece of beef, and threw
in. dozed on, and On, until I be-
came exceedingly hungry. When |
tried to get up to get something to
eat, | found that not having taken
proper care Of myself, I was not able
to get about. l was bloated; l was
paralyzed. In this desperate strait
crazed by hunger, unable to wait
longer, l hastily drew out the hook
with the chunk of beef upon it, and
squeezed it into my mouth, attempt
ing to swallow the whole thing. |
found had bitten off more than |
could chew, so | contented myself
with sucking out every drop of blood
there was in it.
With the last disgusting operation
l suddenly awoke, gagging. 1 sat
upright upon the bank and pondered.
My thoughts ran on somewhat after
this fashion: Tom Putkin, said |,
you represent the Democratic party.
You have attempted by every con-
ceivable and inconceivable means to
get possession of the spoils; you have
used every bait your stupidity could
suggest, but your bait has been worn
out and played out, before you cast it;
finally, as a last desperate effort you
threw in a stupid chunk of beef, with
no better success than before. That
beef may fairly be styled "Bookwal-
ter" but your party vampires sucked
his blood and fattened upon it before
others had chance to swallow him,
therefore the Office to which he is
thrown will never swallow him.
''And | think" resumed Putkin,
Il am right. We, as good Democrats
have tried every way that we were
capable of studyin up, for the capture
of official spoils; we have tried runnin
somebody, anybody, and nobody, and
the offices still keep we'll out of reach.
We will fail again. Runnin a man
ufacturer worth million dollars be-
fore the people as laboring man and
FARMER, won't win; we might as we'll
try runnin Jim Steedman as preach
er, or George Pendleton as a plow-
boy. 1t won't do. The party will
wake from its dream as | did, but it
will snore on, blindIy, for nearly
/ II