Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-01-07
F. U N

F. u N
SUCCESSFULLY CoMBINIr re- COUNTING
WITH THE STUDY OF Me DICINE.-Miss
Mary Flynn was studying medicine and
being courted at the same time. Mr.. Will
liam Budd was attending O the latter part
Of the business.
One evening while they were sitting TO-
gether in the parlor Mr.. .udd was think
ing how he should mana &c to propose
Miss Flynn was explaining g certain pbysio-
logical facts to him.
"Do you know" she 81 lid, "that thous-
AndS of persons are actu ally ignorant that
they smell with th'eir off actory peduncle?"
millions of 'ern,'' replied Mr.. Budd.
'sAnd Aunt Mary wouldn It believe when
told her she couldn't wink without a
sphincter mu .scle''
"How ur .reasonabler'
'sWhy, "A person cannot kiss without a
sphincter!"
s'IndAed!''
VI ,6now it is sol"
s'May try if CAM"
ooh, Mr.. Budd, it is too bad for you to
make light OF such subject
Then he tried, and while he held her
hand, she explained to him about the mus
eles Of that portion Of the human body.
sit is remarkable how much you know
about those things,'' said Mr.. Budd-
''really wonderful. Now, for example,
what is the bone at the back of the head
called?'
"Why, the occipital bone, Of COURSE"
s'And what are the names of the mus
Giles Of the arm?"
1.-THE spiralis and the mira spiralis,
among other.''
''Well, now let me sep what you mean
When put my infra-spiralis around your
waist so, is it your occipital bone that
rests upon my shoulder blade in this way?'
''My back hair, primarily, but the occi-
pital bone, of course, afterward. But
Oh, Mr.. Budd, suppose pa should come in
and see us!''
LET him come! Who cares?" said Mr.
Budd boldly. 81 think I'll exercise sphInc
ter and take kiss
:sBut Mr.. Budd, how can you?'' sale
Miss Flynn, after he had performed the
feat.
ssDon't call me Mr.. Budd; call me Will
ne,''he said, drawing her closer. "Yo'
accept me, don't your l know you do
darling"
"Willie," whispered Miss Flynn, yer!
family.
"What, darling?'
81 can hear your heart beat.'
It beats only for you, my angel"
ssAnd it sounds out Of order. The ven
IRREGULAR contraction is not uniform"
sSmall wonder for that when it's burst
ing for joy"
"You must put yourself under treat
ment for IT, will give you some med
cine."
"It's your own property, darling; d
what you like with it. But somehow tn
sphincter operation is one that strikes M
most favorably. Let us again see how i
works."
But why proceed? The old, old story
Tfoy N. ?. Times.
HAIL. Welded LovE.-You know her
She lives on your street. Her features Ell
ther pinched or full and aowsy. Her dres
to wet, ill-ftting and Of no particular pal
tern; her slippers are broken down; he
hair is uncombed her voice Is either shri
or coarse. You have seen her stand GU
in the back yard and put bare arm UP t
her eyes. and under it peer out to tn
fence or barn where man in an lll-1ttln
coat is searching for something, and hear
her shout: John can't George bring 10
some water ?'' And you have heard hir
CRY back, s'If he don't get that water L
take every inch of flesh from his bones. ~
And when you have looked at her agal
does it seem possible that those angr
eyes have dropped in maidenly reserve
raised in coquettish light to the face
the man in the in-fitting coat? Can yor
by any possible wrench of imagination
conceive of his passing peppermints to hel
of his taking that hand in his and bashfu
II squeezing it2 But it was so. Many
.sGod bless you ~ has been uttered aboy
shat bare head, many a kiss pressed o
that uncombed hair. The tightly con
pressed lips have lovingly framed tende
invitations to him to take another bite
cake and pickle. The hands that are nov
parboiled and blistered and marked wit
scars from the bread knife, and scratche
from the last setting hen. were once Irvine
aoyingly about his neck, and the nos
which is now peaked and red and looks
if 1t would stand on its hind legs an
scream With rage, once followed the be
ures of his new vest pattern or bore heaV
fly against his jugular vein. AS littl
ppobebie as this seems to you. 1t seems les
to her. She has forgotten it. She won
hear it talked of by Others. She canno
bear it to see it acted by others. Two Low
ezs are to her "a passed. OF FOOLS" And
but George ia rubbing his head, and 81
txrn aside while our heroine readjusts he
alipper.-DanbaTy NsaDs.
For many years Moses, negro, was {
servant at the University of Alabama, ant
waited on the students very faithfully: bu
he was most notorious hypocrite. FL
syas on that account commonly called
Peach" among the boys. One day he wa
,sassiug a crowd of students, when one o
ehem called to him: 81 say, Peachs wha
are you going to do when Satan gets your
..Wait on Students" was the reply.
A drummer in the band was sat upol
and almost beaten to death last evening
BY crowd Of corner loafers, says sym
pathetic contemporary. Ali then there il
. use for corner loafers, after all. Neble