The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-11-26
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


Men Of Gaul -Frenchmen.
Men Of Greece-Soap fat men,
Newspapers Marriage certificates.
The latest thing in jails-Cashiers.
Tn. cater holts ticket because he can't swal-
low It.
Dr,ssing he, kittens hurts the old cats fe-
lines - philadelphia Chronicle Hsrafd'
Something's are past finding out The love lot
VII sky 10 what staggers 4 MANY " f'edvu'e'
Teacher-"What does i. mean to say that
person takes the palm" B,y-"lt means that
he takes the cake"
There /. great deal OF human nature in the
clothes wringer. A pretty girl had her hand
badly squeezed by one.
George Francis Train offered to defend Gull
leau. hut his offer was declined. Who will say
Guit.,u Is crazy after such an exhibition OF
sound srnse'
The Streator Monitor the other week provoked
a litter by descanting eloquently on "sioerias
burning sands" The editor probably has CON-
positor to sheet for putting in cap where an
L was written.
In tiuitesu's remark, 81 am justified in passing
with iaudable contempt the continual venom OF
certain newspapers" he was no doubt think
Ing about and pagarizng DR.. Bliss "laudable
pus."
The hottest young man going Is resident OF
this city He took Off his hat to talk TO young
iady throu I'll the telephone Cincinnati CONNER
cidl.
What Is there to prevent the old st. Louis
whisky ring from reorganizing under the banner
of republican civil service reformy
A recipe for lemon pie vaguely ADDS .lhen
sit on Il stove and stir constantly" just as II
anyon. conld 1T on stove and not stir constant
ly-OA Chv Derrick.
An exchange says: "Atlanta Is the Chicago OF
the south" That is the hardest blow that Allan ,
Ia has received since Gen. Sherman knocked at
her door, Boston Courier.
For the information of IKE millions who had
never heard OF him, the New York Herahd anent
the rumor that r. A. Storrs Is talked OF for the
position OF attorney general in Arthurs cabinet,
informs its readers that he Is Chicago lawyer.
A Rochester editor thinks one Of the saddest
sights in the world is to see young man trying
to treat his sweethearts small and depraved
Twenty years ago." says a colored philoso-
pher 'niggers wuz wuf thousand dollars
apiece. Now dey would be deah at two dollars
adoxen. It's 'stonlshin' how dc race am dcpre-
ciatin'."
A Texan girl, having fallen out with her lover,
sent him the following lines, which are express
i've, II not beautiful:
There's land that Is hotter than this,
Where never . collar will stand;
Where people all bubble and hiss
On, go TO that beautiful land.
An eastern reporter for an. agricultural paper,
in giving the features OF q county fair, where
horse racing was the main thing, says: 1.-THE
fair consisted Of few big pumpkins, some ven
cradle bed quilts strung on a line, and bully
horse trots."
When Chicago was burned ten years ago there
were twenty one Methodist churches In the city
now there are thirty.elght. We reckoned such n
heating up rs that would awaken In the Chicago
ans a desire to avoid anything hottcr.-Boston
Post
Prof Darwin has become millionaire by the
death Of his brother, Erasmus. Darwin now
points to this fact as an unanswerable argument
In support Of his theory OF the survival Of the
fttest Rockford Gazette.
"if one OF my vibrstory triplets was to go off, "
says Mr. Keely "the whole earth would be ami
hla,ed >" Mother ShiptOn, here's your man and
your opportunity. Give us chance to get out
OF the way and touch 'em both off -Ne,c Haven
Register
Josh Billings is meyer wasteful Of his words
nor over careful in spelling them; but he can
say enough in two dozen to take the starch out
OF two thousand as put together by Bob Inger-
soil For instance: ~ wouldn't give five cents
TO hear Bob Ingersoll on the mistakes of Moses,
but would give $500 to hear Moses on the mis-
takes Of Bob Ingersoll."
The Lincoln Times thinks Colerldge, the poet,
must have been thinking OF Wheeler. of the
Quincy Herald, when he wrote that
ISLANDER, squatting near,
Splits his venom In a dead mans ear"
The Detroit Free Press states that Rev. Abijah
Green, Of New York state, preached a sermon on
''Fools" and then blew out the gus Mt the hotel
and went to bed to be sutfocated. We are glad
to hear of man who practices what he breaches.
Boston Post.
GoBBLE! GoBBLE!
o, Turkey, quit, quit everything
That looks like pomp and show;
You soon will pass to that werd place
Where only goblins 20.
You ought to be all cooked and primed
On this Thanksgiving Day;
You'l be goblin If you're dead,
A gobbng II you stay.
Boston Transcript.
New York exchange culls from late English
papers the following pretty bouquet Of blund-
ers:
Sir William Harcourt. In a speech at Glasgow,
compared Lord Salisbury to that "ancient statue
which had head Of brass and feet Of clay" II
Il was the image mentioned In the Bible it's head
was OF fine gold; but II may have been that
'Pagod thing Of saber sway,
With front of brass and feet of clay"
Mr.. Gladstone, In his great speech at Leeds,
spoke OF Mr.. Parnell standing, like Noses, be-