River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-10-06
peror Of Russia. Her dowry is SO,Ooo.-

tion?" and, without waiting for the usu-
al ''give it up" answers, Because it re-
quires the use of many trained SOULS"
General Garfield was made Mas n
in Magnolia Lodge, No. 20, at Colum.
bus, o., September %, 1861. He was a
member of Columbia Commandery.
No. 2, Washington, d. c., at the time Of
his death.
Brakeman-"The train is now abou
to enter the state of Missouri. Gentle
men who have not provided them
selves with carbines will pass forward
to the locomotive and crawl into the
tender"
The utterly utter" kind of talk has
infected the street gamins, one of whom,
after picking up more than usually
fragrant cigar-stump, exclaimed to his
friend; Jack, this is quite too posi-
lively bully
AT recent provincial school-board
examination one boy stated that "ae"
was one Of the "plagues of Egypt" and
another that "the ark in which Moses
hid himsell was pitched inside and out
to keep the crocodiles out"
Even unto copiety: "What a SPLEEN
did speaker Elder Longphiz is" re-
marked Mrs Pringle, Don't you think
he is very pious man, Mr.. Fogg ?"
Eyes, replied Fogg; very pious-co-
pious, in fact"
The Marquis of Galljet, Gambetta's
friend, has as many lives as a cat. He
was blown to pieces in Pueblo, Mexico,
but somehow or other they have been
gotten together and he is the Marquis
of Galljet.
Bolt the door Put up the shutters!
Let the front be closed and barred;
We'er ostensibly at Long Branch,
But Wen camp in the back yard.
San Francisco is in the throes of an
opeIatic earthquake. The nsthetic
youths who could not tell soprano
from a contrslto are gushing over the
ripping melodies of Sigpora Sullivan
or the silver-toned notes of Signora
Raffertio. Sacramento Bee.
Mrs. Bayard Taylor is about to erect
at Longwood, to her lamented hus-
bands memory, a monument in the
shape of q circular Greek altar. 1t is
to bear on the top lamp with flame,
and on the round bronze bas-relief
portrait.
Three aged sisters have died in Con-
necticut within less than a month.
They were Mrs Russell Wooster, died
at Ansonia, Sept. II, aged So Mrs.
Erastus Downs, died at Southbury, the
week previous, aged IS. and Mrs. olive
Tuttle, died at North Haven, August
%, aged 50.
Governor Foster, of Ohio, says that
Gen. Garfield never had time enough
to do his work He never had an idle
hour. The governor visited the presi-
dent on the evening before he was shot,
and found him more like the old Gar
field than he had been since his NOM
ination-as cheerful and buoyant as a
school-boy.
There is not much romance in the
life of a coal miner, yet a Pittsburg
paper writes long account of a daugh-
ter of duke being the wife of a Con-
nelsville miner, and of another coal
miner who was once one of the wealth
lest merchants of PittsbUrg.
Mary Anderson says it is because she
is afraid of sharks that she refrains
from entering the surf. In this con-
nection it is worthy of note that ever
since Mary has lived in her lavende r
colored cottage by the sea the sharks
have all come up to New York harbor.
A melancholy fact A tombstone in
graveyard not far from Washington
Hollow reads:
Here lies little Niger,
If he'd hS ed a little longer
He had been a little bigger.
One of the Indian chiefs now in
Washington winked at the drug clerk
when calling for soda water the other
day. Such little evidences as this
should nvince the most skeptical that
our missionary work among red men is
not without some marked results. Ma
tive instinct never taught the chieftan
this civilized trick.
The editor of the Boston Globe COM
plains of gold famine. His case is
indeed peculiarly hard. He is the only
editor, so far as is known, who has ever
suffered from gold famine. Cyrus
W. Field should start q subscription to
meet this remarkable and distressing
CASE Virginia Chronicle.
When q German has got drenched,
he says: 81 am wet to my very skin"
The Frenchman seems TO hate a drench-
ing still more, for he says: 81 am wet
to my very bones" The Spaniard goes
still further: 81 am wet to my very
marrow" But the Arab beats them
all: ~ am wet to my very entrails."
1t is announced that Mr.. j. Stanley
Brown, President Garfeld's private sec
rotary, will be succeeded by Mr.. ]. G.
rn,l,A Apfln, -. -,
secretary in the New York collectors
Office, and also while vice president.
Mr.. Brown will, however, continue to
be attached to the clerical force Of the
White House.
In publishing the acts of the Missis-
sippi legislature recently, the laws got
slightly mixed with parts of an anti
Baptist book that was being set up by
the same printer. The following was
the result: "Be it enacted by the senate
and the house of representative of the
state of Mississippi that bap means to
put under the water and hso means TO
take out.
A certain bisnop took occasion to re-
buke one of his clergy for fox-hunting
"My lord" answered the clergyman,
"a man must have some relaxation,
but | assure you never go to balls"
ooh !" said the bishop, 81 see you al
lude to my presence to the duchess
party; but never entered the same
room as the dancers" "My lord re-
sponded the clergyman, "my horse
and are getting long in years; we are
never in the same field as the hounds. !"
There is a remarkable coincidence in
the deaths of three generations Of the
Garfield family. Thomas Garfield, the
grandfather of the president, died sud-
denly while young man, leaving a
widow and babe. That babe was Abram
Garfield, who died as suddenly in 1893,
leaving a widow and four young chill
dren, the baby being James Abraham
Garfield, whose untimely death the ma
ton now mourns.
A California editor last week started
to accomplish the oft-attempted feat of
eating thirty quail in as many consecu-
tive days. The experiment failed in
consequence of the singular behavior
of a restaurant-keeper, who refused to
furnish the quail for nothing. Thus it
is that the progress of scientific inquiry
IL defeated and retarded by the narrow
prejudices of the ignorant and debased.
Mrs. John f. McEiroy, Of Albany,
sister of President Arthur, who is ex-
pected TO officiate as mistress of the
4Iyts4o II :, oofd IN 10 l.Axy &c