Litchfield enquirer., 1881-06-09
CLIPPINGS.

A Georgia paper calls one of its rivals the repository of belated information.
 The New Testament revisers appear to have discharged their paragraphist.
 She asked, "Am your little lamb ?" and he replied, ''Well, you just gambol"
 The hair dresser hopes his heirs will never beable to He dyed poor"
 The bride is given away but on the bridal tour the couple invariably give themselves away.
 Shakespeare had been boy; he learned in early life the signi6catien of slippered pan taloon.
 Chicago hasa coal dealer named Fulton. The Philadelphia News thinks he should be very popular.
 resigned because he was not in harmony with the government.
 The new version of the bible will not meet very large sale among those who already have aversion to the Scriptures.
 The man who was "waiting for something I to turn up" was rewarded when ne stepped on the edge of a barrel hoop. Prince Leopold, Queen Vlctoria's youngest son is to be created Duke of Albany on his next birthday. He succeeds to Conkling s title, eh?
 ''Politics is game of grab," shouts the man who has left in the race. The trouble | with him is that the other fellows grabbed first.
 A Harlem mocklng bird is an adept at singing Moody and Sankey hymns, and noth- ing but the cage, prevents in from taking up 8 collection.
 Barnums Zulu chief had the effrontery to ask for weeks leave of absence in order to go home and vote at the recent election in Indianapolis.
 There is one boy in town who will buy no more revised New Testaments. He says, with an air of disappointment, that "there's not an Ingen story in it.''
 An exchange wants to know if the coming man will wear steve-pipe hat. If the con- ing man IS clog dancer in minstrel troupe we are inclined to say he will.
 An old angler says that a fish does not suf- fer much pain from being hooked. Of course not It is the thought of how his weight will be lied about which causes him anguish.
 Establishing newspaper is ike pouring water into leaky cask-if you have grit enough and water enough to keep the vessel full, possibly the slaves may swell up and be- come water tight
 When you read the seductive legend in the tobacconist's window, "Our 5 cent cigars can't be beat" remember if they can't be beat" may be cabbage.
 A student at Oxford University on being oIyDl Rod a man who wrote fables, and sold his copy | right for mess of potash"
 Doctors disagree. Some gay whiskey har- dens the brain, others say it sof,ens it. Mean while, people without brains will keep right on drinking it, as it don't make an atom of difference to tLem, not an atom.
 The girl who makes the acquaintance of | every young man she sees without waiting to know who or what he is, is held in the same esteem by men as the yellow dog that will lick every hand that pats it's head.
 "Did you read that poem in last nights paper ?" asked Smith. "Read!", exclaimed Puff1ngton; mo sir; I never read poetry. l write it !" "Oh, see," said Smith, demu rely. "You are to be congratulated"
 WESTERN OBITUARY.
 She heard the angels calling her
 From that celestial shore;
 She Topped her wings and away she went
 To make one angel tnore FE @
 Perhaps, after all, it is best that some am- ateur actors should commence at the top of the ladder. They can work down much quicker than they can work up, and the ago. ny of the public is sooner over by the down grade. ...
 We'll. well; wonder what will be next "all the rage ?" First we had spelling schools, l then the Beecher business, base ball, the vel. low fever, Tannersm, the go-as- you please walking mama, Pinafore. Sara Bernhardt, and now the people have gone to reading the Bible. This is great country.
 "Trust men and they will be true to you, '' says Emerson. Whowed this to respecta. ble grocer. He grew livid with rage, seized a club, and wanted to know where that En- erson feller lived, anyhow. There was mur- der in that grocer's eye. We did not tell him.
 'Matildy, said Mrs. McSpilkins to her new help, "who was that black loafer I saw in the kitchen last night eating supper? thought you told me you never had any frieds coming to see you? Il don't know muffin about dat niggah. reckons de 1dder cook left him dare when she went away."-
 A youth was heard to remark to jolly and fat Teutonan as the circus pageant passed the city hall this morning: Haven't ] seen you before? Your face looks familiar. ' els dot ?" said Hans ''When you get so old as me your face will look familiar, too," and strolled up Delevan avenue, humming, ..Em. body is de baby, his cradles gone"
 A great many people say what they don't mean in the prayers. A Scotchman wen, behind a fence to pray, and declared to the Lord that if the fence should fall on him ii would be no more than he deserved At tha, moment high wind blew the fence over on the petitioner. He rose hastily from his knees, and cried out in a frightened voice 'Hech, Lord! it's an awful warld this; a body canna say thing in joke but it's ta Zen in earnest"
 An Admiring Father. There was joy or the farm when Ben, the oldest bey, came back from college in his sophmore year, and the village was proud of him. 'Cheese it, cully." he said when he met an old friend, the son of a neighbor who joined farms with flipper, clench daddles, pardy. How's his nibs, and what's the new racket ?" And his proud old father said, ''It was ies, worth more'n twice the money to hear Ben rattle off Greek just like living Ian. guage."
 The Chicago Times will publish the revised edition of the Bible What nose for news that Storey has. to be sure! We see in our mind'seye such head lines as these; Gre ation unmasked A Family Tragedy! Escape of the Murderer! A Fruitful Feud-An Alp pie Evicts Them! Fearful Freshet! Showers of Birthstone ! Full Particulars! Interesting Developments TOothsome Scandles !' and SO on. The Chicago population will all go crazy with excitement, and interested in the resig- nations of Conkling and Piatt will be swal- lowed up in the eagerness with which old and young alike will delve into this new mine of information that the Times opens to their l FROM THE DANBURY NEWS {
 On Barnum's day a Norwich man sold | tyYa pf,i ior,r b,rS Sholc oF