The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1881-11-17
HUMOROUS.

ID now tue very Wlest ihii 'uhto'
A South End girl thanked mau
who gave her his seat 10 u strcr'-car,
nud be married her and proved to be
worth 100000. I've circulate this
lie 10 hope OF inducing the girls to
be more courteous.)
The Philadelphia Necs say' tha
siIkworms require almost as much at-
tention as a womnn's back hair.
They require fewer halrpins, howov-
er, aud We don't suppose they are
hung over the back OF chair at
night.
Force ui habit "Why are you
late ?" asked an Austin school teach.
or OF little girl. who hung her head
and said ave bave got little baby
at our house" "Dou't let it happen
again." said the teacher. Gercely, aut
the little girl said she would not aud
took her seat.
"How did you like Europe I" "It's
too splendid for anything F" was the
reply: "And were you sick 7 "Yes
awiully sick" "Aud was your hus-
baud good to you 7" "Oh, he was too
good for anything Just as soon rs
he found out was sick, hc went and
drank salt water so as to be rea-sick
10 unison with me, and I'm not his
second wife, either "
The man who tried to explain away
bis chicken-stealiug experience by
saying he was a member Of the Hu-
name Society, and fclt i, his duty to
thin out the overcrowdOd heucj)ps
for the sake OF giving them better
ventilation, had his board paid for
ninety days by an appreca i'o com
muuity. Nobodys talents necd g.,
~ seed 10 this CO un,ry.
Clipped his wings: "Ham!et,
remarked tho lecturer, ''is to my
thinking the finest work of the Bard
OF Avon At this point he was in'
terrup,ed by n shock-headed man II
the northeast csrncr. "Tain't
work, mister" said he "its play
and 'twau't writ by the Bird of Avon,
puther; Shakespeare writ it," Anc
he sat down with the air ofa maj
who had said something that h.
would stick to.
Boys who intend to be RAILROAD
wsn, sheuld begin early to look abon
punsiug two or three iihgrcs aud on
thumb. Most boys can do this with
out dliiculty. Trying to pick up
card out of job press when it is i
operation is good way. Most joI
presses iesl gloomy atd unhappy un
til they have eaten off two or thre
bands. Thcu they 30 on with th ei
work cheerfully aud hilariously.
Sir John Lubbock says there ar
now wbirling through space man
dark bodics-dead which EN-
no light or comparatively littl'
This is why we hesitate about goiu
up in a ballo n. II the balloonist
hight seeing bright star coming tn
ward him, and thinks u collision i
imminent, he c'mn jump ont an
run; bnt II Il were dead star, with
out any headlight, the frst thin
he'd know nothing, and very little O
tla'.
A railroad brakeman attempts
suicide In New York few days sin t
In an ungu lied moment he Gale,
out the name Of station so distinct
ly that nearly two-thirds oil the pass
engers understood il, and when tn
full eDormiiy of the unprofessiona
act dawned upon him, remOrse, like
worm 10 the bud, fastened its LAGER
atiug fingers upon his conscience an
tortured him until life became bur
den. Other brakemen will no doub
heed well the lesson, aud 10 futur
use the utmost caution in maxim
their weird announcements.
Terrific heroism Twas a territl
moment. The man was ovidentl
drowning while The crowd on shor
stood helpless and horriied. A
this juoeture some one yelled "Oh
for a boat ~ Bat there was no boa
within ten miles. The suspense b
c.me wlnl unl the sun sank int,
the NIFTY bosom OF The west like
bloody pun kio. All at onoe a TO-
male voice was heard above the ror,
Of the breakers "Never mind tn,
boat, take one of my shoes" II wa,