Sacramento daily record-union., 1881-03-07
CURRENT ITEMS.

A Detroit lady called at drugstore the
other day and said g want tooth brush
"a real nice one. / want it for spare
bedroom"
"The hight of the human figure, says
some authority, "should properly be six
times the length of the foot This proves
that st. Louis folks are too short.
Street row First gamin-"I'll fill yer
mouth with gravel" Second gamin-
Yer'll have big job doin' it, First
gamin-"Oh, I'll get steam shovel"
A Northern newspaper claims that an
Alderman has been injured by the acci-
dental discharge of his duty. These acci-
dents are very rare.-[New Orleans Plea
yune.
O, BRIDE hear your lips with dulcet tone
Whispering, &c He is, indeed my own my own %
And |, who know the bait with which you've caught
him,
Reply, "Your own, indeed, since you have bought
him."
When woman leaves man who has
not earned his salt for two years, he i'm
mediately advertises that he will pay no
debts of her contracting Philadelphia
News.
General Garfeld's two sons are living
for the present in the home of Colonel Rod.
eric, of Washington, personal friend of
the President, where their education is in
trusted to private instructor.
Halls Journal Of Health says that a
person can catch the diphtheria by hold
ing his head over drain for fifteen minutes.
People addicted to that amusement had
better give it up.-[ Boston Post.
"You are weak, " said woman to her
son, who was demonstrating against her
marrying again. eyes, mother, | am, :"
he replied; 81 am so weak that can't 60
step-father. Cincinnati Saturday Night.
An American, after dining at a London
restaurant, paid his bill and was about
leaving, when the waiter suggested that
the amount did not include the waiter.
'tAh, F" said the man, "but 1 didn't eat the
waiter.
The following conversation took place
between kind hearted lady and small
boy, who politely swung open the gate for
her. "Ah what nice, polished, polite
little boy you are | suppose you live
about here ?" eyer lie, don't
Writers of "leading articles are erro.
neously called quill-drivers. because
quills require to be driven, while, in fact,
they are generally written by "leading"
editors with pencil, and pencils cannot
be driven, but must always be lead.
Wade Hampton is an ordinary looking
man, says Washington correspondent,
who keeps his seat and says nothing with
wonderful diligence. He is growing quite
gray, and his bushy whiskers give him
warlike aspect, though he is essentially
man of peace.
a man having announced that he was
once in a community where they all minded
their own business, his statement was
doubted, and he was called upon to tell
where it was. g 1t was ON board a ship at
sea, and the passengers were all too sick to
meddle with one another's affairs"
One of the notable persons in society at
Washington is said to be the Japanese
Minister. He dresses in extreme fashion
and rides to the Capitol in fancy turn
out. His English is very good, but he has
the features of his nation strongly marked,
and is therefore to American eyes ugly.
Did you ever see a woman slip down? OF
course you never looked, but then you've
seen them. She don't flourish around
like an intoxicated jumping jack, filling
the air with arms and bad words, as
a man does but she simply abbreviates, so
to speak, like crushed hat or patent
drinking-cup, while you stand by and won
der you never noticed that hole in the
sidewalk before. Lowell Citizen.
A young musician once brought his
scores of Z. Hamlet to Cherubini to learn
the great mans opinion of it. Cherubini
asked: ''But why have you called it
Hamlet 2" because so much respected
Shakespeare that 1 wished to write an
overture in his honor, after one of his rep.
resentative works" "Then why did you
not" suggested Cherubini, chose a more
appropriate title from Shakespeare
example, Much Ado About Nothingr"
a New York boarder asked diminution
of his rent because of the dampness of his
house. 1t was naturally refused, and the
boarder gave notice that he would leave
He got even with his landlord by planting
beautiful mushroom in his bed-chamber,
and whenever any one came to see the
apartment he would call to the servant
girl: bridget, see here, what is this
mushroom doing in this room? 1t seems
to me that l told you to take it away"
To which Bridget answers: 81 did as
you told me, sir, but another must have
grown there since"