The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-03-23

A girl with $4,000 has a very
good figure if she isn't handsome.
Edison has invented a machine Sc
powerful that it shocks his own mod
esty.
The fool buyeth an umbrella, but
the prudent man knoweth a trick
worth two of that. ..
Ofthe seventy-six United States
Senators only thirty three were born
in the State which they represent.
He'll is Texas town that deserves
its name, Judging by the brutality
of three recent murders. o..
John Williams, condemned to be
hanged next Friday at WaTerly, has
been granted thirty days respite
by the Governor.
When a FIJI Islander wants to
commit suicide and make no mis-
take about it, he poisons himself by
eating an Ohio missionary.
Geo. S. Peck, at Atlanta, who was
engaged in sawmilling, fell from a
window of the third story of Brown
House, Macon, Monday night Of last
week, and was killed.
"Shut dat do, Sam, "Why, it
amt cold, marin" "Golly, you shet
dat do, you brat; oh course it amt
cold, it's me dat's cold Tink l care
wedder de dos cole or not?
1t is estimated that the cost Of
changing the name of the Atlantic,
Mississippi and Ohio Railroad, in
the way Of relettering cars, locomo-
tives, new books, &c, will be fifty
thousand dollars.
Mercenary marriages which re-
suit, as they should, in divorce, may
be compared like adjectives as fol-
lows: Positive, money; comparative,
matrimony; superlative, alimony.
"Mrs. Brown, [ do wish you would
try to bring David out a little Why,
do you know he's so bashful that |
really think if he caught the mea-
sizes they wouldn't come out.
A Frenchman on the point being
guillotined was asked if he had any
last wish to make The dying mans
wish. is held sacred. eyes" he re
piled, ~ want to learn the English
language"
The Pittsburg Commercial tells of
a rampant mailman who attacked
a woman on the south side" and
nearly throttled her. Attempts to
a woman in this way often
result seriously.
s'My friends" said the political
speaker, with a burst Of ingenious
ness, 81 will be honest. There
was a large number of his neigh
bors present, and the outburst of APP
plause which followed this remark
entirely upset the point which the
orator was about to introduce.
WdrtJurg Dispatch A week or
two ago man supposed to be a cat
Tie dealer from kentucky was found !
murdered in a wild and unfrequented |
place in the southwestern portion of
Fentress county. 1t is believed he
nad considerable money.
Secretary Robert Lincoln refused
o be interviewed" in Chicago the
,ther day, saying good-humoredly
i have interviewed people myself; |
know how it is done, and | don't
interview worth a cent. +"
1t is said that what is called the
'iedmont region of Virginia, the
astern slope of Blue Ridge Noun
aims, produces the finest Southdown
heep in the United States, and that
he Southdown sheep gives the fat
est and best favored mutton. 1t
; also said that all Virginia, except
he alluyial region, is preeminently
sheep raising country.
The Texas Legislature is said to
ave passed resolution requiring /
hat women shall be employed ii
he State departments for every po-
ition they are competent to fill up
n the same terms and conditions
5 men. The heads Of departments
appears, have hitherto declined
, give the women any employ
lent.