Southern standard. (McMinnville, Tenn.) 1879-current, 1881-01-22

In a red-tiannel coat with very long flap,
His nose peering out from very close cap,
His fingers in mittens, his chin in wrap,
Like tourist prepared for very cold snapl
On, on he sped, through the regions of space,
With very short legs at very long pace.
His well-iilled knapsack dashed on his back,
Extra shoes and canteen strapped under his
pack,
His coat-tail flying away on his track
Entangled far off in the Pleiades,
On the horns OF the Bull and Orion's knees.
On, on he came,
With nose like flame,
SO red was sure the fellow'd been drinking,
(Hls canteen was empty, knew by the clink-
"And what can sober Comet be thinking"
/ cried, mot to see there, plain as the day,
The Earth, like target, hung right in his
way2"
The groups were beginning to hurry about,
And hustle and hustle and signal and shout,
And the Noon looked scared, while | shrieked
"Dear sir, beg pardon, / don't know your
To you, here's a planet! / don't think you
But, sir, it will be
A great favor to me
And a very large circle of friends, as you see
If you will drive round it instead of right thro
IT,
He put up his head with a stupefed stare,
And says he, I" | declared
No, wasn't aware
And I'm going al such deuce of a rate
I'd stop If could, but / fear It'll too late
Bless my stars here ami" He had just time
to stoop,
When through it, head-foremost, he went at a
swOOp,
AS circus rider dives through hoop!
With crash
And smash,
And a roar rs of thunder,
1t qEIivered,
And shivered,
And flew asunder;
The Moon, looking down, shed tragical tears;
While winking hard and holding his ears,
The Comet came out on the other side,
Wheeled round, swore loud, and ruefully eyed
The ruin sneezed two or three times; then
drew
His long tail after him down the blue.
Heavens and earthl what have done
This does beat everything under the SUM-
don't care the wink of a star" said he,
"For all the damage done to me-"
| (Fcellng his nose, and then with l!irt
Carefully brushing away the dirt
From his coat and its stained and draggled
skirt
"But look at this dear little, queer little
| I've done the business for her, and van, it
| Is quite too bad The fairest of creatures
| How well remember her pleasant features,
| The smile on her face and the light In her eye,
| When I've touched my hat to her, hurrying
by,
| Many time on my way through the skyl
| I'd mend the poor thing If l could-and I'll
tryP'
How he got It, or where,
/ cannot declare;
| But thereupon he drew up chair,
| Hung his long coat-tail over the back,
Sat down by the pieces and opened his pack,
| Brought forth from its depths a stout needle
! and thread,
And there he sat squirting and scratching his
| head,
| As if rather doubtfully questioning whether
| Twas possible ever to patch her togetherl
Meanwhile-but how can hope to tell
| Half that to my friends befeli
| On the shattered and scattered SHELF
| How depict the huge surprise
| OF some, at the very astonishing rise
| OF their real estate shot Off in the skiosY
| How describe the flying blocks,
| The fall of steeples and railroad stocks,
The breaking of banks, and the stopping of
| clocks;
And all the various knocks and shocks
Frantic reporters rushing about,
| And correspondents setting out
| In big balloon, intending from 1t
| TO interview our friend, the Cometl
While the wide-awake daily press unfurled
| Its rival bulletins: END OF THE WoRLDll
| FRIGHTFUL COLLISION AMERICA HITll!
FULL PARTIoULARsl CANADA HURLED
| OVER New England THE UNION sPLITlll
| INTERRUPTION OF TRAVEL AND TRADEl
| TIE COMET COMING TO OUR ADJ
For now the Comet-oddto see
Although il didn't seem odd to me-
With thimble and glue-pot, sewing and gluing
The shattered globe, was cheerfully doing
| All he could to restore the ruin;
Patiently replacing all
The scattered fragments, great and small;
| Stitching here and sticking there.
With hopeful smile and satisfied air,
! Putting the planet into repair
When all was done, with dexterous twirl
of his fingers, he set it once more a-whirl,
While the Moon looked pleased as smiling
girl.
on he sped and the planet spun
| Away on its axis round the sun;
| When, watching with curious eyes, found
He hadn't made it precisely round
| The zones. moreover, were strangely mixed;
Constantinople was squeezed betwixt
St. Petersburg and Baltimore;
South Carolina and Labrador
To Massachusetts we're snugly tied;
New York and Paris were side by side;
And. oldest of all earthly fates,
England was in the United States!
Greenland (he couldn't have made greater
Mistake) was on the new equatorl
While In each crack OF the crust some bit
OF broken China was made to fit.
whereupon cried, with wild halo,
"Hold Onl come backl this never will do2
Just see what botch you've madel" Before
He had time to turn, with cang and a roar,
And glare of its own great Cyclops eye
The Lightning Express went whiZzing by
With rush of steam,
And howl and a scream,
That walked me from my curious dream
Which the Doctor AYERS land he makes II
plain
Must all have passed through my busy brain
With the passing of the midnight trainl
u T. TrolDbridge, IN Wide-AlDdke
Spending Money.