The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-05-05
HUMOR.

Men who recklessly run in debt are
frequently inclined to eau de V.
Why is the earth like blackboard?
Because the children of men multiply
upon the face of it.
A lady friend says that bachelors are
like batch of biscuits-good enough
after they are mixed.
A confiding correspondent from the
country sends in postal card marked
''private." ;"
Col Ingersoll says the chief pse of q
e-president is to stand around and
wait for funeral.
What an irascible father says: Gas
the twig is bent, the boy is inclined to
shoot out at the door.
If you want to teach a dog arithme-
tic, tie up one of his paws, and he will
put down three and carry one every
time.
No lady with any refinement will use
her husbands meerschaum pipe to
drive nails in the wal. Philadelphia
Chronicle Herald.
The Philadelphia News says it is better
| to have loved and lost than to be oblig-
| ed to get up at 5 o'clock on cold winter
W Stdlt c hlO.
'.Oh, dearr' said Mrs. Motherly last
night as she arose from the supper
table, 'smy shoulder aches from butter
are the poor tired.
| A red headed man recently attended
masquerade wrapped from his neck
| to his heels in brown cloth, and with
his head bare. He represented light
ed cigar. Herald.
Nice child. ooh, Miss Dashwood,
ma says she's SO sorry to keep you wait
| ing. know it isn't true, though, be-
cause she said 'bother!' when she saw
you driving up the avenue. ."-J,tdy.
| .tWell, sonny, where did you get such
| a black eyep'' inquired kindly gentle
man of q street urchin. ooh, a feller
called my brothers hat a swill dipper,
and he was bigger than thought he
was"
The Battle Creek Moon hazards the
opinion that ''a girl who will talk of
the limbs of table. will, after mar
riage, chase you around a two acre lot
with a. rolling-pin and a regular kero-
sene conilagration in both eyes,
! Ayoung lady on meeting a handsome
| Young man remarked that she had
often heard of his wit. He straightway
asked her if she would take a joke.
She answered, Yes He quickly
replied, s.Fm JOKE To be continu-
ed.
A professor asked his class, s'What
is the aurora?'' A student, hesitating,
replied: '.Professor, did know, but L
have forgotten" 'sThat is sad. very
sad,'' rejoined the professor. ''The
only man in the world that ever knew
has forgotten it!'' 4s'iess7f.
..You old vulture, you," she exclaim-
ed when he limited that five bonnets per
annum were about enough for any
ordinary woman. Next day when he
relented and told her to order sixth,
it would have made an angel smile to
hear her sweetly call him Birdie
A youngster, while. warming his
hands at the fire, was demonstrated with
by his father who said: go away from
| the fire-the weather is not cold. ~ 81
| amt heating the weather: I'm warming
my hands," the little fellow demurely
rephed.-Nete York Eapress. G
Who can deservedly be called a con-
| queror? He who conquers his rancorous
passions, and endeavors to turn his
enemy into friend. Thou shalt not
say, II will love the wise, but the un-
wise / will hate;" but thou shalt love
all mankind. (Ialmud)
Singular coincidence: Two comical-
looking characters met at the Galveston
union depot. Said one: .'You don't
| live here, do you?'' mo 1 don't"
s'What singular, coincidence! don't
either % '.Are you from Seguin ?''
mo, am not.' ''By thunder, another
coincidence! : Pm not from Seguin
either. '.,. asi.1a.si ,t = :