Mexico weekly ledger. (Mexico, Mo.) 1855-1956, 1881-11-17
SpoOpendyke Wants Gin,

timldly pulling the MOSQUITO bar,
sits time you were up; you'll be
late at the Office e~s~~ q.
For reply Mr.. Spoopendyke emit
ted sound that might have been a
groan or grunt, but it was in fact
an inarticulate snore.
sit is past nine,' again ventured
Mis-. Spoopendyke, extending cup
of tea toward the bed.
"Dod CAST it," said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, 81 don't care what time it is.
I'm not going down town to-day,
anyway. And he sat up in bed and
glared at his wife. "What's that?'
he added, as his swollen, bloodshot
eyes rested on the steaming tea-cup.
''Don't you want a cup of tea this
morning, dear?'' suggested. Mrs.
Spoopendyke. ''It'll do your head
ache good" =
Headache, eh?' growled Mr..
Spoopendyke. ''Who said 1 had the
headache? P'raps I've got glandu-
lar swelling and an abdominal viscera
and measles, he continued in a
louder tone. .'Take me for q mid
night assassin, don't you? Think
I'm running parlor police gazette,
don't you? bod gast the measly
thing!' he shouted, uncoiling a damp
towel from his head; s'why don't you
bind up my perforated liver? All you
want is court-plaster and a bulletin
board to be a hospitable for incura-
bles. Gimme a drink!''
''It's hot" said Mrs. Spoopendyke
hesitatingly proffering the teacup,
shut It's nice and strong-just the
thing for disordered stomach" =
"Oh, you know all about it, don t
you?" howled Mr.. Spoopendyke
you've been out with the boys your
self, haven't you? Fine turn you've
got for convivialty. You would'n go
home till Friday week morning, would
you? All you want is a dirty apron
and half dozen dead-beats to be a
first-class gin mill. bod gast the
measly tea,'' bawled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, hitting the saucer a whack that
sent the scalding liquor into his Wife 8
face. "Gimme some gln!"
Mrs.Spoopendyke shriekedssouch,"
and stopped down to gather up the
broken china, and her spouse, after
surveying the ruins and satisfying him
self that she was not mortally wound
ed, flung his head on the pillow apain
and groaned.
''He didn't notice the black eye he
gave me last night" murmured Mrs.
Spoopendyke, land warm teas a
splendid thing for bruises, so per-
haps it was all for the best, only
wish it hadn't been quite so hot.
After putting on little toilet pow
der she went softly to the window
and pulled down the shades. "He
needs Sleep" she said gently, "and
1 don't wonder at it, coming in at
4 O'Clock in the morning. No WON
der his legs couldn't support him.
I'm glad l slept before he came in,
or I shouldn't be able to walk to-day
myself"
"Where's that gin?" yelled Mr..
Spoorendyke, beside himself with
fury. ''Whar are you pulling down
them shades for? Think you're go
ing to- have funeral in the house
'Spose you're a dod-gasted measly
widow? Wondering who'll provide
you with weepers? Think you're sto
let again, don't you? Twelve hun
dred dollars year, with all modern
improvements, on long lease. bod
gast it, bunch of keys and half q
column advertisement is all you need
to be measly insurance agent. Go
round peddling books with black
edged paper, won't you? bod gast
it, where's that gin? Do you know
what gin is, Mrs. Spoopendyke p
And his voice assumed a steadiness
of tone from the depth of scorn that
he threw inio the inquiry that made
the poor woman jump. 80.
''Gin?" she answered, .s'to be sure
l do. 1t comes in square bottles, with
necks to them.'
"Oh, you know gin when you see
it, do you? It's got little neck, has
it, like a ded-gasted measiy clam
You crack the shell and serve it up
with corn and chickens, of course.
Dod CAST it! Get the bottle out OF
my coat pocket, where l left it to
brace up on this morning." howled
the desperate husband.
"Here it ISL said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, trying to unscrew the pewter
top, and finally succeeding, 'sOh,
my how it smells!''
"You needn't drink it," snapped
Mr.. Spoopendyke, eagerly putting the
bottle to his lips and pouring the fluid
down his throat. "Dod gast it, he
said, after a minute spent in this oc.
cupatlon, ''get me some paper"
Mrs. Spoopendyke, observing the
beneficial effects of the alcohol, trip.
ped lightly down stairs and presently
returned with the morning papers.
"Shall 1 raise the shades and open
the Window" she said, as she care
fully readjusted the mosquito bar.
Eyes, dol" screeched Mr.. r.Spoopen-
dyke, in paroxysm OF rage. "Raise
the roof, raise the neighborhood,
raise Hades, why don't. you? Dod
gast it, do you take me for rn exprese
company? 'Spose I'm dod- -gasted
sextuplex telegraph instrument to
send sixty columns of reading matter
to the office at once7 Think I ear
write a note between the letters ol
those dodgasted newspapers? Fancy
I'm a Patagonian cannlbal to write
with blood and finger, nails? OH! you
don't, don't you? Then why dom
you give me pen and paper? Dc
you s'pose I can cut out an advertise.
ment of a dod gasted head on me
and send 1t to the Office by way o.
explanation? Take me for twenty
line big type special from Calamazoo
o gosh !" gasped Mr.. SpoopendYke,
as once more he took comfort in tias
gin bottle, "what genius my wife is. .
This sage and complimentary OBJ
servation was lost on Mrs. Spoopen'
dyke, who had again descended fol
the necessary implements, and reap
reared lust in time to dodge thf