davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
.PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

election, like circus, is gener-
ally carried on under canvass. Lou
ELL Courier.
Every man has his forte, if he only
knew how to hold it.-NeW York Com
merciaI -AdvertiSer. wv u-iarU
,d Ambitious man: sis there any
fixed rule for writing poetry?'' There
is! Don't!-Bostoa Post, .,.... ....
IA pleasantly attributed to NJ.
Theirs: "When l was very young I
was so little-so little-that needed q
pole to knock down the strawberries. -
lie Figaro. 'I9d- Ia sfnT. 2
r The average life of a circus actor is
forty years. The average life of a Cir
Gus joke is $50 years. The latter is
"worked almost to DEATH every year,
too. Norristoao,s Herald.
-Coniurors astonish an audience by
taking rolls of ribbon from their
mouths, but then it is common thing
to see carpenter take hammer and
nails out of his chest. Boston CONNER
ctoL Bulletin.
The Herdic coaches display sign
which says ''Full'' when they are load
ed. The drinking man knows less than
coach He is full before he finds it
out, and always wants to take little
more aboard.-N. o. Picayatne.
Plumbers have resolved to maintain
their old prices during the coming win
ter. AS heretofore their services will
be valued at fifteen dollars a minute,
while an ounce of lead pipe will be
worth its weight in gold. -PhilGdelD hiG
Chronicle. .......
Talk about gossip. How could the
world dispense with it? A party of
men on the backyard fence, and par
eel of women around the tea table,
would fall to sleep from mate stupidity
if there was no such thing as gossip
New Haven Register. ''. "
"A correspondent asks: ais the
watermelon a fruit or vegetable?"
That depends on how you acquire pos
session of the melon. If you buy it on
the street it is mere vegetable, but if
you have to crawl on your stomach
about half mile through high weeds on
a moonlight night to steal it, while the
old granger who owns it is asleep, then
it is a rich and luscious tropical fruit.
Your question is unreasonable. TeraS
SJtings.
First boy" What ails YEP" Sec
ond boy Naw-nawthing." 'u'' Yes
there is! You've been bawlingp' "No
/ h-hain't.,' '.What is it, them" H"Naw-
nawthing, only yesterday 1 gave that
Jones boy a licking, and this morning
his father bought him a goat All the
boys are over there, and the goat is
bunting all the boys and all the boys
and goats are bunting each other, and
I'm left out in the c-cold cause licked
the boy who runs the animals. "-Det''ott
Free Press. .SsFN'Hu u 5dtUNt0
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
A POetical Proclamation.

Governor Long, of Massachusetts,. is
sued the following somewhat unique
Thanksgiving proclamation:
WHEREAS. 1t is a common and an
cient custom to set apart after the har-
vest day of public thanksgiving and
prayer to Almighty God, now, there
fore, l, John u. Long. Governor, by
and with the advice and consent of the
Council, appoint therefor Thursday,
the twenty-fourth day of November
next. .....
"'Unto Thee, o God, do we give
thanks! Thou visitest the earth and
waterest it. Thou blessest the spring
ing thereof. Thou crownest the year
with Thy goodness. The pastures are
clothed with flocks; the valleys also
are covered over with corn; they shout
for joy; they also sing"
"Blessed is he that considereth the
poor" raa4~ -n 90.
''Come unto me all We that labor and
are heavy laden, and l will give you
rest"
10 painter of the fruits and flowers
We own thy wise design.
whereby these humble hands of ours
May share the work of Thine!
Apart from Thee we plant in vain
The root, and SOW the seed;
Thy early and Thy later rain
Thy sun and dew we need.
Our toll is sweet with thankfulness,
Our burden is our boon; - ~
The curse of Earths gray morning is
The blessing of its noon.
and still with reverent hand we Gull
The gifts each year renewed;
Inc good is always beautiful
The beautiful is goodv'
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
Advancing Education.

Answers written byIth Metropolitan
School Board. Pupils to questions put
by Government Inspector. Where is
Turinp Tureen is the Capitol of
Chiner; the people there live in birds
nest and has long tales. What do you
know OF the patriarch Abraham
was the father of Lot and ad tew wives.
Wun was called Hismale and t'other
Haygur. He KEEP wun at home and
he hurried tother into the dessert,
where she became pillow of salt in the
daytime and a pillow of fire at mite.
Who was Mosesp He was an Egypsian.
He lived in a bark made of publishers
and he kept a golden cart and wershipt
braizen snakes and he het nothin' but
kwales and manner for forty years. He
was kort by the air of his ed while
ridin under a bow of tree, and he was
kilrd by his son abslon as he was hang
in from the bow. His end was pease.
Verbal answers--What is miracleP
Don't know. If you saw the sun Shin
ing overhead at midnight, what would
you call itP The moon. But if we're
to tell you it was the sun. | should saw
it were lie. But suppose | declared
to you that it was the sunP l should
say you were very drunk. -Enqlish
Paper.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
Moved by a Tale of Misfortune.

+ A sharp game was, some time ago,
played upon a cashier of one of the
leading banks in this city, the facts Of
which have but recently come to light.
One morning in early spring, with the
full influence of budding and blossom
ing nature upon him, the cashier had
taken his seat behind his desk, when he
was approached by an attorney-at-law,
whose countenance was sorrowful and
warned the experienced eye of the
financier of an early application for a
loan. He thereupon hardened his heart
and made up his mind to say no. Aft
er greeting him in a detected and sub
dued manner, the attorney began to
make known his business. With tears
in his eyes the lawyer told him that the
death of a near relative, involving
heavy expense, and failure of remit
tances, as well as poor-paying clients,
had reduced him to the necessity Of
taking step which only dire ill-fortune
could reconcile him to. He wished
loan of $400 for a few days only, and
he would offer as security box OF
family plate and sundry heirlooms
which had been handed down from
generation to generation. He produced
receipt signed by the Secretary OF
the Safe Deposit Company, showing
payment of storage fees for nearly
year in advance on box containing
plate of the value of $4,000. The
lawyer said to the cashier as he
wiped his fearful eyes, 81 put very
low value on this, for 4 am too poor to
pay high storage rates. never
thought that l would come to this, but
l must. 1t is of no use. I'll pay the
loan in ten days, though l am driven to
sell my wife's diamonds" The cashier
pitied the high-bred sorrow and feltfor
the scion of noble house in misfor-
tune, and then, thinking of the box OF
family plate, concluded to make the
loan. The key. of the box was handed
over to him and the borrower, with
many profuse expressions OF gratitude
walked out with the money in his
pocket. The note was placed IN the
drawer and forgotten. A few months
elapsed and the bank changed its OIL
GERS, and the incoming manager,
among other assets, discovered the
note with the family plate collateral
He at once sent for the box, and, OPEN
/ ing it, discovered that its valuable con.
tents consisted of eighteen volumes OF
the Patent Office reports. about twenty
old newspapers, plated caster ana
cake basket, all of which would sell for
about four dollars. The revelation
created much profanity on the part OF
the new management and good Joke,
at the expense of the cashier, who had
been 50 nicely done for. OF course, as
the borrower was man of no property
nothing could be done except to bear
the loss as philosophically as possible
But the cashier. who has now retired
has never heard the end of it. and IN
the bank bad loan is spoken OF as q
"family-plate loan. l. Washington ~
c. J. Repu6lacGn. e30 y7ee ..s5n..
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
The SchOOlmaSter.

The curiosity that l have to show
YOU to-day, children, is perhaps the
most wonderful in the collection. He
beats all.
The schoolmaster it is said, trains
the Young idea how to shoot. He is
not himself given to shooting, however.
He takes more delight in the rod than
the gun. .+.,.
The schoolmaster is not a military
man, but his principal assistant is.
The name of this assistant is Corporal
Punishment. 1t is to be hoped that the
corporal will soon be remanded to pri-
vate life.
The schoolmaster is sometimes called
tutor and occasionally he is called
an ass. On the whole, an astutor man
is seldom found. 20 dl su!Lab
The schoolmaster4 thoroughly under
stands the rule of three, but always
insists upon the rule of one. So you
see his understanding is out of all pro-
portion to mis- rule. aa
Although the schoolmaster is a ruler
of boys, he has his own ruler. If he
be no stick himself, his ruler always is.
The schoolmaster is very inquisi-
tive person. He is always asking
questions. His is questionable call.
ing. sva.u-.f. ..sf.r.. fs ..t.,.
The schoolmaster can be found in all
classes. He is also given to classifying
knowledge. l sometimes think | would
be in his classify could.
The schoolmaster is good at figures
He would cut a pretty figure if he were
not He is the fgure-head of the
school, or should be; but sometimes a
boy gets ahead of him. f..e.l
He is also good at spelling. He can
stand long spell in a good situation
without fiinching.
He is always correcting the errors OF
his pupils, and consequently has but
little time to attend to his own.
The schoolmaster is not a man OF
war, but he often employs a monitor.
He would be all at sea without his mon
itor. He gets the monitor to see in his
place. lI Hs. f.latH -i u
o shun misbehaving, children, or the
see of the monitor shall overwhelm you.
The schoolmaster teaches the A B
G, but he cannot make bee see.
Every sort of ology is taught by the
schoolmaster, but tautology is no better
coming from him than from anybody
else.
In school of young rascals the
schoolmaster is always the principal. .
Some schoolmasters are actuated en-
tirely by the law of love-love for theil
situations. Some entirely by hate
hate to give them up.
The schoolmaster loves to have call
ers at his school; but habit has so pos
sessed him, that he not only collars his
scholars, but also scholars his callers.
fused to wonder at the schoolmaster
during my school days, but my school
daze will never return.-B0St0n Tran
Script.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
The Future Of Canada.

The question of the future of CANADA
is largely question of population.
Canada is not at present in a position
to assume the risks and burdens OF IN
dependence, nor is the necessity OF sucn
change greatly felt. When Canaas
has population of twelve or fifteen
millions Of people, if the necessity
arose, it might then be in position 70
spend such sums on defense as mgn'
give it a reasonable hope Of MAINTAIN,
ing its position, as an independent State'
ii It could count on still having thrown
around it the egis of the parent co9n'
try, the problem of the means OF ds'
Tense would be more easily solved,
Until, however. Canada reaches spch !, :
position that it could not easily G Yg
stricken down by any power, it woulJ
be madness to assume the burdens "
independence. -St, Johns Telegram"
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
What Lieut.. Schwatka, the Arctic Ex-
plOrer, Thinks OF the Lost Jeanette.


Lieutenant Schwatka, the Arctic ex-
plorer and commander. of the successful
Franklin search expedition, is at the
Palace Hotel. He was asked last night
by Chronicle reporter what he thought
in regard to the fate of the Jeannette
party. He replied: cit is. of course,
merely conjecture with me. While
must confess that the failure this year
to hear anything of them makes their
safety and return very much more dubi-
GUS. l do not give them up by any
means. think that the Jeanette
pushed on during the first season as far
north as possible, and probably reached
the Perry Archipelago, lying northwest
of the American continent. presume
she went somewhere about Prince Pat
rick's Island, on the northeastern part
of the group. Both Mcclure and
Perry reached that neighborhood, and
as she had a favorable season and was
reaching for the Pole, l have no doubt
she pushed that far north. She may have
pushed on to the Pole or through BAT.
fins Bay. and ultimately come out on
the Atlantic side. At any rate it is GER
tain she will not be heard of this wear,
for all avenues are closed there now.
1t is not improbable that she is fast in
the ice somewhere about the Perry Isl.
ands and may get out. If she does not,
l don't think we shall ever see any Of
her people again, because if crushed in
the ice they could hardly reach the
mouth of the Mackenzie River, which
would be their best channel of escape.
and if they had abandoned the vessel
fast in the ice without her being crushed
they would long ago have reached the
Mackenzie, or the natives neal
1t, and have been heard of.
think that after searching Wrangel
Land and finding it worthless,
they pushed on towards Prince
Patrick's, and it is not unlikely that the
vessel is now fast in the ice somewhere
there. In that event they would prob
ably stay with the vessel in hopes of
getting her out while the provisions
lasted, because the chance of escape in
the vessel while she remained sound
would be much better than by such a
sledge journey as would be necessary.
1t does not follow that she must have
SSOo Ouo ia ouOu q VttoC uuIiuU SuCn an
open season as this il she ever could.
What might seem to lis an open season
might have been one unfavorable for
the extrication OF the vessel, because
the winds may have been adverse and
driven the ice. as the warm season
broke it up, in pack upon the vessel
thus adding to her letters. | dom
think the Rodgers from her present no
ssition. has any chance of finding The
-Jeannette next season. 1t is hard from
here to criticise justly an officer in the
Arctic, but it seems to me that the Rod
gers only chance of success in her search
was lost when she failed to take ad
vantage of the open sea and push OF
north from Wrangel. 1t is not likel,
that two such open seasons will occuI
in succession. '--SGn Francisco Chron
icIe.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.

Father Hyacinthe has decided to-
postpone his visit to America until next
February. .,..-g. .a.f1 Id. ...af
In England the Congregationalistsl
are endeavoring to make $3.50 the mini
mum salary of a minister.
Miss Louise S. Baker, college
bred woman, breaches for the Congre-
gational Church in Nantucket, Mass.
She does not administer the commun-
ion. ,Q s- it
There is congregation of colored
Catholics in Marion County, Kentucky,
with 179 communicates. Recently
jubilee mission was held for them, at
which all but five are said to have at
tended. a -t .a e.r--- ..s
-Findlay, Ohio, has been condition
ally selected as the site of the college
to be organized under the control of the
general eldership of the Church of God
in North America-betterk known as the
Winebrennarian. r,4l. ns,.-l
The ministers of the California
town of Los Angeles have signed an
agreement that they willin no case per-
form the marriage ceremony for di-
vorced persons, except the divorce be
obtained on Scriptural grounds, and
then for the innocent party only"
A Methodist camp ground is to be
purchased, consisting of 900 acres of
land, on the top of the Allegheny
Mountains, midway between Deer Park
and Oakland, Maryland. 1t is to be a
National camp-ground, similar to Ocean
Grove and Asbury Park and Chautau-
qua. The ground is 5000 feet above
tide. 49,. .,-,..t. -.s-.
The way to keep Sunday-school
teachers meeting alive is to make it a
live meeting. Begin promptly, whether
few or many teachers are present.
Close promptly, however interesting
the lesson. Keep within an hour. Be-
gin with prayer. Break in the middle
with prayer or hymn occasionally.
Study the lesson spiritually, not tech
nically or professionally. Remember
what the Bible is profitable for: Doc
trine, reproof, correction and instruc-
ton in Righteousness and use it accord
ingly. Give your teachers the ear,
throw away the husk, and they will
come again. So says one Sabbath
school superintendent, an old subscrib-
er of the Christian Union. He has tried
it and speaks out of three years of ex-
perience. .-.f... ,........,...i .,..- ...
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
Women ut Auctions.

To those who dote on the exciting
episodes of auctions and the browning
satisfaction of wonderful bargains
Washington is perfect paradise. The
clack of that fend's tongue-who is
always going! going!-only ceases far
into the night in order to gain renewed
vigor to begin again early the next
morning. Great ladies alight from their
carriages at the doors of distinguished
people when they are to be auctions
therein. Secondhand dealers and
clearinghouse keepers, natural ene-
mics from conflict of ages. push in
wherever the red flag proclaims sale,
scowling at each other as they knead
the beds and toss up the pillows to find
the best to bid on. Ten determined
women will sit around a kitchen stove
for hours, waiting for Mr.. Going to
reach that article, and they will bid
against each other with the ferocity of
wolves struggling for bone. The
triumphant possessor, after paying al
most the price of new stove, finds
when reaching home that her purchase
has broken back-is afflicted with
asthma and chronic dyspepsia, being
unable to digest coal. There are auc-
tons all day long-on street corners
crowded with white people, and at night
there are special auctions for colored
folk. Going! going! pierces the ear the
length of Seventh Street when the even.
| ings begin to spread out.
There was an auction last week at the
British Legation. The English Gov.
eminent is the only one that owns q
house here and furnishes it for the use
of its representatives. The object Of
the sale seems to have been to rid the
house of quantity of old, worn out
and discarded articles. Had they be-
longed to an ordinary mortal they
would scarcely have found purchasers,
but as it proved they all brought fail
prices. The china and glass wrought
with the Thornton crest was run up tc
a high figure. Two banged-out pianos
brought respectively $24O and $3.50
Several engravings from Landseer'
works were sold above valuation. A
quantity of cooking utensils were run
up to high prices, but long and loud
were the lamentations of the purchasers
when they saw the dilapidated condi
ton of the ware. The collection was a
lot of worthless pots and pans worn Out
in the service of the English Ambassa.
dor. - Washington Letter.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
The Bitter Bitten.

"a letting up ''corner" in pork, wheat
or corn is not modern device, Years
ago, when the thriving CITY of Milwau-
kee was but territorial town. with
only one thousand five hundred inhab-
itants, q. speculator thought that he
could make a large amount of money if
he should buy and thus control all the
salt there was in town. So he bought
every barrel he could find and stored it.
Having, as he thought, a corner, he put
the price up to ten dollars per barrel.
Unfortunately for the SPECTATORS prof
its, another citizen heard OF. the specu-
lator's purpose, and saw therein q
chance to make an honest penny. He
despatched schooner to Chicago for a
load of salt. The winds were propi-
tious, and the schooner with her load
was soon at the good citizens dock.
One morning farmer came into town
for barrel of salt. Going to the spec
ulator's he was asked ten dollars a
barrel. g Salt has riz,", was the only
reply vouchsafed to the farmers pro-
test. He, however, would not paw that
price, and soon discovered that there
was schooner-load of salt for sale at
the dock at twenty shillings barrel.
Having purchased barrel he returned
to the spsculator and telling HIM Of his
purchase, denounced him as a swindler.
-.r" You must have stolen the salt. y
said the speculator, g for there amt anv
salt in Milwaukee except what l have. .
20, there amt! 0 mol Let me tell
you there's schooner load of it Al
Swett's dock" .deu aHliN N
I" Then Pm ruinedr' exclaimed the
Spectator, as he rushed out to verify
the statement-and he deserved to be.
Youths Companion. tlF S'GS
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
gor poung Readers.
MEETING or THE BIRDS.

b .
The blustry wind had called them all;
The birds arrived, the large, the small. 3D..
The owl, of course, was chosen Judge; 4
He stared around, but didn't bulge. ''
LIE. stft %afFf stH sIrftflsti tH..1r r..fE
The robins, jays and meadow-larks
/ Got up to make a few remarks; W Jf-
They said the time had come to go,
Red leaves and gold flew to and fro. ''
! ne sparrows then grew spiteful quite.
I They thought it much too soon for flight;
But bluebirds longed for bluer skies,
And wrens thought this was very wise.
The backbirds said their time was up:
The berries gone, where should they sup?
The catbirds said they quite agreed.
Twas time the warning they should heed.
The owl this question put: "Say 'Ay,'
Those who intend away to tiy!' I'm
All but the sparrows vote to go;
These cheep most decided mol"
"Tis carried" said the owl; "adieur'
The birds cry: "Now for skies of blue"
"Go!' chirped the sparrows, why this fuss
Our homeis good enough for us!'
s.... George Cooper, in our Little Ones.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10
Dumas Rusty Knife.

A curious story is told of the good
duck which is supposed to follow Alex
andre Dumas Ills through all his enter
prises in life. This luck has long been
attributed by his family and friends to
the possession Of rusty knife blade,
which fisherman Of Marseilles drew up
in his net at the foot of the Chateau
DIFF, and which the good fellow sent to
Dumas pere, with the full conviction
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10

-7Some cocoons raised at the Sw;ss
colony in Grundy County, TENNESSEE a.
are nnely developed and of superior
quality Silk culture is beginning to
receive considerable attention at the
colony, and is becoming very impor.
tant and successful industry. -.
The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-12-10

The oldappellation Dead Letter OF :
flee has been changed to Returned Letter
Office in London, owing to the fact that
a multitude of people misunderstood its
significance. The controller was be-
sieged with demands for information
about missing people and letters ad.
dressed to dead ones. n
, 1881-10-07

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aliDwet 10 rcunrt havi1,r ahst t,isuk ,oiins
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It somntimns hntatrns thst we,,.br,r,, mt.
Inv ia In rH,roi m aintinr H. r,Mnas ~.
him at,t1 etHrts ali for thn I,snrcss tnegns
ship, tll5tu,it uorhnps hMndrs,, miln.
Or more Tho f,rlsoncr t,rvcr rcnrhcs
tho tnwhshtn., hn II ,srnrn4 nr tnn sn.a "tsst
H. no IA itvI intu thH IminIt and Hbrt t1orr,1Ia
Though s,,cb n inothtnt ~ nxnn,tfnn nnr sact
II wtti1Ii ncrtsn ns rn I'M .sits' - t,H ' tt