Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1881-05-06
HaWk-Eyetems.

Charles Follen Adams E" Yawcob
Strauss y of Boston, the best living
writer of German dialect, is giving
private instruction in German and
Irish dialect. In his classes are several
professional readers and elocutionis.s.
The Boston Transcript says: "New
Orleans knows how to have a holiday,
our northern cities don't" It knows
how to have the yellow fever too. But
then We know how to have the fever
mayer. Count one on our string please.
$50 you married old Heavipenny's
eldest, l hear" said the friend. Eyes"
said young Ioforit, have" Good
match p asked the friend. II guess
so" sighed the Bridegroom, YEARLY,
heaps of birthstone in it." And the
years go by.
Yes, I knew him." the Texas sheriff
remarked, when somebody asked him
about Red .handed Bill; " never met
him but once; he came down here last
February, riding another mans mule,
and he came in and left the measure OF
his neck with me for larist." Did
You fit him ?" asked the traveller. Not
very WE'LL" said the sheriff, p" blamed
thing was too tight, but he never said
anything about it after he tried it on.
30 didn't change it." And then the
committee rose and reported the bill
to the House, which shortly afterward
took recess until the evening session.
After all his lifelong work upon the
platform, aud with the high fees his
fame and abilities justly command,
John 3. Cough is not rich man. His
private charities are as large and nu-
merous as they are unostentatious, for
this great-hearted man does not let his
left hand know what his right hand
does. He has met with frequent and
heavy losses, on account of the tender
hearted willingness with which he puts
his valuable autograph on the back Of
friends album for ninety days, and
the almost infallible certainty with
which he is compelled to get it back
again for himself when the three short
months have flown, Mr.. Cough ought
to be worth half million dollars, but
like most men whose hearts arc wrapped
up in, and whose lives are c0nsecrated
to, some great work of reform, he is not
a good business man, and impecunioas
friends and suffering humanity have
got most of the money the great apostle
of temperance has earned by hard plat
form work.
POLITICS AT THE BENCH.
"The greatest charm of inauguration
should be its pointed simplicity" said
the carpenter, as he started q mortice.
"True," said the apprentice, saving
into nail, $50 gimlet us have piece.
"You rip saw the dangers of repub-
lican simplicity on the minds OF the
people," remarked the journey man,
" and so the effete monsrchies framed
their coronations with imposing core
MONIES"
ga good deal of it," assented the
boss carpenter, and ] opine it is knot
plane, or at least it is knot at first clear,
why the same formalities should be
dried in our government"
"Sea, son ?" the journeyman asked
the apprentice.
And the apprentice said "0h yes. he
saw"
"You must wat chisel Illustrations
very SHARPLY" said 1cn the i0urneg%sn
ing to each one."
at axes my screwtiny very keenly
indeed" said the apprentice, "to fol-
low the thread of bis keel marks"
"Your mind wanders," said the boss,
"the rolling grindstone catches no
worms"
"All workbench and no play" said
the apprentice apologetically, makes
Jack plane dull boy"
But" spoke the journeyman," jack
plane is always play vim"
mot when its aye dull" persisted
\ the apprentice, saving half way through
an old hinge.
ST advise you to brace ma Bit" said
the carpenter, "and when 1 soy that,
remember that a wink is as good as
kick to blind saw horse"
"Somethin' nails me to-day" the
apprentice said. 60 he pounded his
thumb with lathing Ratchet, and he
turned aside to utter malletdictions on
the Ratchet and the man who made it.
"I'd hold you So" said the journey
man, consolingly, as he showed the
apprentice how to grasp the Ratchet,
"and I'd hammer this way" and he
showed him how to strike.
But the apprentice said che last part
of the lesson was entirely unnecessary.
Thus do our laboring classes improve
the current political events to their
intellectual edification and mutual
improvement.
No FEATHERS FOR LADY FLORENCE.
Queen Victoria is much given to
fuss and feathers on state occasions.
Recently, Lady Florence Dixie attended
drawing-room without sticking
some ostrich feathers in her head and
hanging some lappets from her back
hair. Next day she was notified by the
chamberlain that it she expected the
queens forgiveness, she must appear at
the next drawing-room in the full rig
prescribed by court etiquette. Lady
Florence was too much Of q Briton to
brave the royal displessure, and was
also too much of q Briton to yield Q
r. H. l. II - usrt>