The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-06-29
FLOATING FANCIEs.

4 grass widow isn't green by any means.
A western editor wrote an article on s'Rhu-
barb, and the compcsltor made pi of it.
"Will the coming man fly ?" He probably
Will when the coming woman gets after him.
Adam carried the vote of the first ward,
city of Eden, in his vest pocket.-Ec. And
where did he carry his vest pocket?
lis your daughter at home, Mr.. Brush 2"
eyes, sir and so is her mother" CalloW
said he'd zeal! some other day" but he never
did.
Cucumbers are only thirty-ive cents each
in Ionkers. That's cheap enough for the
ucumber, but it's the funeral that costs like
hunder.
Drinking beer may quench the thirst, but
it will not refresh the memory That deli
cate matter is one of the unpleasant duties of
the bartender.
It is stated by eminent naturalists that the
very rats come creeping out of the Woodpile
and laugh like demons when q woman tries
to saw a stick Of wood.
The inhabitants Of the Cannibal Islands
have discovered tfichina in an American
missionary. This is a sad blow at one of the
IoAuAJ . ASdAAAS GaRoLtS
Notice at the door Of a ready-made cloth
ing establishment in one Of the poorer quar-
ters Of Paris: "Do not go somewhere else
10 be robbed walk in here"
Unmarried men cannot appreciate the feel
ings OF the fellow whose wife sends him to
get sJrnething ont Of the pocket OF the dress
that's hanging up in the closet.
We know a lady who never hurries her
dressmaker. She waits until all the neigh
b0rs get through with her. This lady, by the
way, is the best posted On village neWs OF
any person IN
When q boy walks with a girl as though
he were afraid some one would see him, the
girl is his sister. If he walks 80 close to her
rs to nearly crowd her against the fence, she
is somebody elses sister.
A Boston girl thanked q man who gave
her his seat in q street Car, and he married
her and proved to be worth $400, 00O. eve
circulate this lie in the hope OF inducing the
girls to be q little more courteOus.)
II is no thing to see the boy
who is 80 lame it almost gives him the lock-
Jaw to go after q bucket Of water, clip out
the back way and run the bases in q game OF
ball st the rate Of forty miles an hour.
"My lovely husband, my dearest, dearest
William" ''There, dear, never mind you
muss my collar. Its al right | saw you
buy the hat. How much is the bill? III
give you the money next week. Don't cry"
4 neWiy-married lady was telling another
how nicely her husband could write. "Oh,
YOU should Just see some Of his loVe-lettere !"
Yes, / know" was the freezing reply, 1--WE
got q bushel of them st home IL my trunk.
The Vermont housewife who read that
English noblemen have lots of hares in their
preserves, says she tried it to the extent OF
putting s whole chignon into some blackberry
jam, and the jam didn't seem q bit better for
IL.
4 newspaper with paragraph On Bjorn-
eterne BjornsOn was accidentally dropped
from the deck Of an ocean steamer, and IN
five minutes q dead whale rose to the surface.
The miserable monster had persisted from
lOck-jaw.
The difficulty originated In this way. Said
Gallagher to kagoag i heard q story. just
now That was funny enough to make 8 jack
ass laugh. Let me tell il TO YOU" ''Don't
you slur me by any such remarks IS that! u
reared Ragbag, angrily.
II can't find q place in the city to suit me-
despairingl " remarked q ~house-hunting lady
to her husband. why SO, my dear why,
because-because-Well, if you must know,
| can find q mantel long enough for the
lambreauin | made last winter
a young man, while out rowing with a
pretty girl was led, under the influence of a
spring evening, moonshine. and other roman
tic surroundings, to ask her to s'roW in the
same boat with him for life" @On one con-
dition," she answered promptly, land that is
that ! steer
This COMPOUNDED slang does raise the very
mischief. When q handsome young wife
went to q hardware store to get one of those
said, Il want 8 masher," every man in the
to attend her.
Chow unfortunate" exclaimed 3 good
New Haven lady, II see by the paper that
young Green gage just missed being run over
and killed by an express wagon" Sensation
in the room, and the young lady Of the house,
who is sweet on Greengage, stepped out on
the veranda to allow her feelings to subside.
Genevieve Ward is shocked beyond al ex-
preston because men and women are COM
PEELED to sleep in the same s~leeping-car. 1t
is dreadful. We have often worried over the
same thing, and been afraid to go to sleep,
lest some woman should chloroform US and
kiss as in our dreams. No man is safe in q
mixed sleeping-car.
"What!" said q young lady to g compan-
ion, s.you are not going to marry that tall,
lean, slender, coneumptiye-stricken fellow.
ara Won 2F ayes. She is volunteered the