The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1881-01-27
The Miner Who Didn't Understand
Railroad Lingo. a.

One night about half after twelve, I
judge, heard somebody step along to
the window of my boudoir. Hearing it
that time of night Ireckoned that some
thing crooked was going on, SO I slid
out OF bed and got my Great Blood
Searcher and Liver Purifier, with the
new style of center fire and cartridge
ejecter, and slid up the window, calcu-
lating to shove a tonic into whoever it
might be that was pick-nicking around
my claim. looked out SO as to get a
good idea of where I wanted to sink on
him, aud then l thought before man.
gled him I'd ask if he had any choice
about which part of his vitals he want
ed to preserve, SO l sings out to him:
"Look out below there, pard. for I'm
going to call the meeting to order in q
minute. just throw up your hands, if
you please, and make the grand hailing
sign of distress, or I'll have to mutilate
you! just show me about where you'd
like to have the fatal wound, and be
spry about it, too, because I've got my
brief costume on, and the evening air
is chillr'
He didn't understand me apparently,
for gurgling laugh welled up from be-
low, and the party sings back: ,-.,u..
Hulio. Fatty. is that you? just
lookin' to see if you'd fired up yet.
You know was to come around and
flag you if second seven was out. Well,
I've been down to the old mans to see
what's on the board. Three is two
hours late and four is reported on time.
There's two sevens out and two sections
of nine. Skinney'n take out first seven
and Shorty'n pull her with 1O2. It's
you and me for second seven, with
Timber Jim ON front end and Frenchy
to hold down the caboose. First five is
wrong side up in washout this side of
Ogallala, and old Whatshisname that
runs 258 got his crown sheet caved in
and telescoped his headlight into the
New Jerusalem. You know the little
Swede that used to run extra for Old
Hotbox on the emigrant for while?
Well, he's firing on 258, and he's under
three flats and coal-oil tank, with q
brake beam across his coupler and his
system more or less relaxed. He's
gone to the sweet subsequently, too.
Rest of the boys are more or less de-
moralized and sidetracked for repairs.
Now. you don't want to monkey around
much, for if you don't loom up like six
bits and 60 out on the track. the old
man'll give you a time check and the
Oriental Grand Bounce. You hear the
mellow thrill of my bazoo?'
Then slowly uncorked the Great
Blood Purifier, and, moving to the
foot-lights where the silvery moon
beams could touch up my dazzling out
lines, said: "Pardner, l am pleased
and gratitied to. have met you. l don't
know the first ding busted thing you
have said to me, but that's my mis-
fortune. am a plain miner. and my
home is the digestive apparatus of the
earth, but for professional melody of
the chin you certainly take the cake.
You also take the cake-basket and what
cold pie there is on the dump. My
name is Woodtick Williams. l discov-
cred the Feverish Hornet up on Slip
perry Ellum. I am proud to know you.
Keep right on getting more and more
familiar with your profession, and by
and by, when nobody can understand
you, you will be promoted and respect
ed, and you will at last be sleeping
car conductor and revel in the biggest
mental calm and wide shoreless sea of
intellectual stagnation that the world
ever saw. You will
But he was gone.
Then l took the pillow-sham and
wiped some of the pulverized crackers
off the soles of my feet and went to
bed in large COB of gloom. -"BiU
Nue.1 in CHICAGO Tribune,