Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-06-09
4nmtaruus Repartment.
.NOT GUILTY."

sN0T GUILTY."
We all recollect the verboseness of the old
style of pleading, before the courts were
purged of their prolixity by the "Code." An
Indictment for simple misdemeanor was
so long and tiresome, that a victim, against
whom one was ''found," would almost plead
"guilty" to get rid of the bore Of its reading.
Under this system an indictment was found
against Joel Nash, simple-minded back
woodsman of c. county, for "assaulting"
and "battering" one "Joe Davis" Nash had
simply knocked Davis down, for some trivial
insult, and Davis, through malice, had in
formed the Solicitor of the affair, and the
grand jury had found "true bill'' against
Nash. The case came up, and Joel was call.
ed. The Solicitor. who reads an indictment
with peculiar gusto, upon Joels appearance
at the bar, drew his indictment and began to
read of the prisoners not having the fear of
God before his eyes, but beirg moved and in
stigated by the devil, did i'll the county afore:
said, at, &C., aforesaid. against the peace and
dignity of the State, assault, with divers sticks,
blndgeons, blocks of wood, logs, bars of iron,
pistols, bowie-knives, daggers, dirks, Arkan-
saw tooth. picks, brickbats, and stones, 10 and
upon the head, neck, arms, breast, belly, alb
domen, legs, knees and feet of the said Davis,
making divers, wounds, contusions, bruises,
bumps, cuts, stabs, holes, and burns, &C., &c"
Mash. uneasy from the first, upon the
reading of the indictment, began to grow
pale and nervous He twisted and squirmed,
and twas all his cousel could do to prevent
his interrupting the Solicitor.
"Oh, heavens p thought Joel, "did that
d9d rotted Joe Davis swear to all them lies !?
IF he did, I'm gone coon."
After the Solicitor had finished the reading,
he turned to Joel, and said:
"Joel Nash, what say you to this charge in
this Indictment Are you guilty, or not
guilty2"
Joel sprang to his feet, and said :
"Not guilty to that piece of paper, squire !;
but I jest slapped Joe Davis over. for callin'
Nv me liar"
Joel's appearance of anguish at being &C.
cused of bruising and beating up Joe Davis
in such 8 manner, and his answer to the
charge, was irresistible, and court, bar, and
ali laughed immoderately. Joel was fined
one dollar and costs, upon his plea of"guilty,"
and the members of the bar raised the
amount for him.
S. S. PRENT1ss.- this gentleman
was in his glory, in the State of Mississippi,
during season of high political excitement,
there was convention at Hernando. Prem
tss was there, and set everything ablaze with
his burning eloquence and inimitable Wit.
AS was usual, hundreds of ladies crowded the
ground to hear him, and when he had con-
cluded, the welkin rang with shouts of ap.
plause. Now there was present one Didemus
Brief, Esq, opponent, who, like the gnat in
the fable, never suffered to pass unimproved
an opportunity to inhict his bite on the ox's
legs. He arose to reply to some of Mr.. Prem
tiss' arguments. When Didemus had gone
through his "piece," and had given it the last
finishing touch of gesticulation, peculiarly his
own, he sat down apparently exhausted.
Prentiss, meanwhile, sat looking on, with a
peculiar twinkle in his eye, enjoying the thing
hugely. At the conclusion he slowly arose,
advanced to the front of the stand, intending
no doubt to drop an admonitory hint to such
thick headed zealots, when, at the moment, q
neighboring jackass, quartered hard by,
"opened his mouth and spoke" long and loud.
Mr.. Prentiss turned his eyes in the direction
of his new assailant, fairly gaped with aston
ishment without uttering word for mo.
ment, and then, ere the reverberating tones of
the ass had died away, he turned to the au-
dience, and throwing up his hand depreca.
tingly to his first opponent, exclaimed, "Ah !!
ladies and gentlemen, another competitor ! l
can't stand it?" and sat down amidst the
deafening shouts of the multitude. Didemus
Brief, Esq, became thoroughly disguised with
the vulgar meeting" and withdrew.
A KNOWING "CoURT."-An anecdote is
related of court in village during the past
year, which we regard as one of the richest in
its line of any that has been recorded, and
give it to our readers as nearly as we can
recollect it. The case on trial was for the
sale of liquor. The principal witness was
singularly obtuse; and though eonfessing
to having made purchase, could not, for the
life of him, tell what the article was. The
most ingenious questioning would not bring
it out. At last the attorney asked him:
"How did it taste?"
II d'now
Here the "court" ;nterposed, alleging that
to be an improper question, and inquired Of
the attorney why be put such an interroga.
tory.
"Well, your honor" replied the attorney,
81 was unable to make the witness tell what
kind of liquor he bought; but thought if
he would tell how it tasted, the court would
be able to determine for itself"
The hit was too palpable.