Smyrna times. [volume] (Smyrna, Del.) 1854-1987, 1881-04-27
Mrs. Rames.
BY MAX ADELER.

Inc names mad lived for some time next |
door to Mr. Cooke before he got acquainted |
with them. But one day while Mr.. Cooke was |
out in his front yard, Mr.. Raffles came out Of
his house, suddenly, with his face flushed. and
when he reached the fence he stopped, placed
his elbows upon it and introduced himself to
Mr.. Cooke with an observation respecting the
weather.
Nhan Mr.. Cooke joined him ut the fence
Mr.. Rafies tipped his thumb over his shoulder
towards the house. and remarked confdentiallv
to Mr. Cooke
That's most extraordinary woman in
there
Mrs. Ratfies?'
Yes. We've just had little dispute.
Last Wednesday she fried the oysters in her
pomatum; yesterday she creased the griddle
for the buckwheat cakes with simple cerate
and now she will insist upon shortening the
pie crust with letter ointment. Wouldn't listen
to reason. Said grease was grease: and what
Is good for letter is good enough for pies /
could not coincide with her views, and as she
wanted to urge them with the rolling pin,
thought l would come out and get the air.
she a good woman in some respects, but she's
peculiar.
I'VE havnt seen her about very much" said
Mr. Cooke.
No. Well, TO tell the truth, she is u little
shy about showing herself You know she use
to suffer good deal from frecklcs. And one
day she bought bottle Of the balm of We
neZucla which was warranted to remove freck-
les and to produce beautiful complexion
She applied the balm, and to my surprise the
treckles began to spread. They crept out on
her nose, around on her neck, and the more
balm she put on the thicker they got. Before
the first bottle was gone she had them all over
her; in fact, she was one complete freckle
from head to foot. Has kind of undergone
look, something like mulatto. She was nota
good-looking woman before; but, now, well, l
really she's the homlest-'
William Hen-r-r-r-y." bawled wornan's
voice from the house just at this juncture.
" l s, darling, cOming!" replied Mr. Rafles.
That's She said he to Mr. Cooke. Her
voice is rather shrill now can remember
when she was a right good singer, her voice
was soft, and sweet, and low, but she injured
It, think, partly by trying to cut her tonsils
with the shutters They were too long, and
they tickled her throat and made her cough;
but instead of sending for the doctor she en-
deavored to clip them off herself with the
shutters, and crippled her voice for life. Cut
OF too much in my opinion. When she sings
now always hurry out and go right down to
the postOffce or the BARRIERS. Can't possibly
! stand it, you know"
! Not soothing, is it?'
mo. And think she keeps herself hoarse
by her extraordinary fondness for cold pokers.
She Is very liable to nose bleeding, and in or
der t" prevent it she almost always keeps a
poker pushed down the back of her neck.
All summer have to keep from five to ten
pokers on ice, SOS to renew them on her neck
when the one she is wearing gets warm. Ihave
demonstrated with her about it. but she will
wear them, always alarming visitors, for OF
course, whenever she sits down in chair the
poker pushes out and usually stands abou,
eight inches above the top of her head, pre-
senting most peculiar appearance which,
The voice of Mrs Raffies was heard again
calling for William Henry.
Yes, love- be there directly" said Mr.
Rafles, in reply. "Shes a persistent woman
never let's go when she makes up her mind t.
a thing. We never had any children of oul
own, and sometime ago we adopted boy
She insisted upon having him named Mackin
tosh-Mackintosh Raffles; perfectly hideous
you know. The boys name was Archibald
given to him by his own parents. said HI
should not be named Macintosh She sale
he should. SO we wrangled about it anS
Yrangled and one day while was out, sh,
took him around and had him baptized Mack
intOsh four times By four different ministers
and when l got home she was stenclling tn
name up and down the small of his back an,
along his legs with indeible ink Bound t.
have it so, you know, although the boy wa
crying; and so left her drift along and hav
her own way Until the boy died and then sh
put a monument over him with 'Mackintosl
Raffles' cut on it in letters foot long. Sh
beats any woman l ever saw"
'She must have great deal of determine
tion," observed Mr.. Cooke.
"She has. But she's not what you'd call
brave woman. She's dreadfully afraid c
mice. Since we came here the mice have ru
about the room good deal at night, and d
you know what she does? She sets fifteen q
twenty moustraps around in the bed, SOS I
catch them if they climb up to nibble he,
The consequence is that / get a fdgetin
) around in my sleep and 1 touch off the ira
: with my toes. This morning when got up
: had four mousetraps on the toes of my rigl
: foot. No man can sleep right under such eli
cumstances."
Again tho voice of Mrs. Rallies was heard
shrill and loud. inquiring for William Henri,
Re along directly, deary," said Mr. Rattle
in reply. "She's the strangest woman 20
wouldn't believe can never get her TO loo
in the almanac, She keeps her record Of tin
by cutting notches in the pie-board. Ever
now and then she misses day. My impre
sion is that she is now ahont two or thr'
months behindhapd. Consequence Is she ofte
celebrates Washington's birthday Just befol
. Christmas, and / have known her to go OF
into the yard on the 18th of September an
bang off fire crackers and wave the America
flag, and fire salutes, and get up whole lot
patriotic enthusiasm under the impression tn
twas the Fourth Of july
10 "She is patriotic, is she p
m "oh, yes, she had a portrait Of her ar
husband hanging for q while in the paElo
$50 One day she concluded to have it fixed up In