The Owosso times. (Owosso, Mich.) 18??-1882, 1881-09-09
Wise and Otherwise.


Model wives formerly took "stitch
in time" now, with the aid of n sewing
machine, they take one in no time.
The clam has larger mouth in pro-
portion to its size than "a human being;
yet clam never talks about its neigh
bor
1t is said that thirty persons in a
small town in Michigan were poisoned
by eating sausages. This comes from
leaving brass collars on dogs.
Thar IL advice enuff now laying
around to run three just such worlds as
this; what we are suffering most for liz
sum good examples.-Josh Billings
Oh! young Lockinvar has been out to the
They were cutting the rates and he needed
There are burrs in his whiskers hay seed in his
hair
Aud 1t all Is along Of the very cheap fare.
| --Neio York Graphic.
Niagara Falls is so brilliantly illumi-
mated by the electric light every eve
ming that after paying the hackman
you can easily see whether there is any
thing left in your pocketboOk.
A cynical Benedict says one gets an
adequate idea of the desperate straits
to which Ruth was reduced in the land
Of Moab only by remarking that she
clave unto her mother-in-law.
| A Russian claims to have found a
new substitute for rubber. 1t is strong
ly suspected that, while travelling in
England recently, he tackled" ham
sandwich at railway restaurant.
We know man so crOss-eyed that
he put his hand into another mans
pocket and abstracted therefrOm a
watch. He wanted to learn the time.
The Judge told him it would be three
years.
Some one wrote to Horace Greeley
inquiring if guano was good to put on
potatoes. He said it might do for those
| whose tastes had become viJiated with
tobacco and rum, but he preferred
gravy or butter.
A Young lady who is doing the
Alps reports progress to her guardian:
81 tried to climb the Matterhorn; didn't
reach the top. It's absurdly high
everything is high in this country.
Please send me some money
"What is mOnarchy?" Bright lit
tie boy: "a country governed by
king" "Who would rule if the king
died?" "The queen" "And if the
queen should die, who would then be
ruler ?" "The knave," was the reply.
Smith, once possessed splendid
dog, which could always distinguish
between vagabond and respectable
person." Jones-"Well, what's be-
come of him ?" Smith-"Oh, was
obliged to give him away. lie bit
me-"
"Where are we livin' now, MoikeP"
"In Donegal street, number elivin.
Come and say me-" "Faith, L will.
Shall come iu by the airy or be the
front dhoor.i "Divil ha'porth do 1
care, but as I'm Occupyin' the garret,
perhaps it would be more convanient
for ye to come in be the silky light"
A recipe for lemon pie vaguely adds:
"Then sit on stove and stir constant
ly." Just as if anything could sit on
stove without stirring constantly Ex.
Burns says: 1t makes some difference
if it is coal-ed stove you sit on. Wood
reply.-Camb,tdg Tribune.
An Austin doctor was called to at
tend sick person. but he mistOOk
the door and weut to the house adjOin-
ing, where man who had died the day
before was laid out, and where there
was Grape on the door. "Tnat's not
the house, Doctor" shouted the party
from the next door who had sent for
him, "don't you see you have been there
already ?"-As1stin (7eras) SVtings.
Johnny came home from school the
other day very much excited. "What
do you think, pap Joe Steward, one
of the big boys, had an argument with
the teacher about question in gram
mar" "What position did Joe take?"
And that hopeful child said; "His
last position was across chair, with
his face down. "-Hartford Times.
speaking of bathing" said Mrs Par
tington, from behind the steam that
arose from her tea as veil to her
bushes when talking upon so deli
cate a subject, "sOme can bathe
with perfect impurity in water as cold
as Greenland's icy fountains and India's
coral strand; but for my part prefer
to have the water little turbid."
A society lady" writes to fashion
able journal to know "if etiquette al
lows lady to remain seated while
gentleman guest departs" 1t depends
or who the guest is, but it is always
safe to accompany st. Louis man to
the door to see that he doesn't carry
off $40 ivory-handled silk umbrella
instead of the 80 cent cotton one he
brought.-Chicdgo paper.
A man who was too poor to indulge
in any luxuries other than children,
was presented by loving wife with
triplets-three boys-and he sought
for some family to adopt them. Mr.
Clark was inclined to take one of them,
but his good wife rather objected.
They were talking it over before their
eight-year-old daughter, who said, "why
don't you take one of them, Ma? or
don't they want to break the set?''
A prudent and forehanded Scotch
woman was one Maggie Dee. One
bonnet had served her turn for upward
of dozen years, and some ladies who
lived in the neighborhood, in Offering
to give her a new one, asked her
whether she would prefer silk or straw