The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1881-08-11
MARK TWAIN TELLS OF HIS
TRAVELLING EXPERIENCE.

I III --j-A-FNi I<-AA l-LtlILAN Ill.
I got in the car and took seat in jux
| Imposition to female. That females
face was perfect insurance company
1t insured her against ever getting mar
ried to anybody bat blind man. Hei
mouth looked like a crack in dry
lemon, and there was no more expression
in her face than there is in a cup of cold
custard. She appeared as though she
had gone through one famine, and had
| got about two thirds through another
She was old enough to be great grand
mother TO Mary that had tie little lamb
She was chewing prize pop corn, and
carried q rose with band box and cot.
ton umbrella nestled sweetly by her side.
| couldn't guess whether she was on 6
mission Of charity, or going West to start
a saw mill. l was full of curiosity tc
hear her speak, SO I said
"The exigencies of the times require
great circumspection in person who is
travelling"
Says she, "What2"
Says I, '1'he orb of day shines re
| spiendent in the vault above"
She hitched around uneasy like, then
she raised her umbrella and said, 81
don't want any of your sass-get out, u
and got out.
Then I took seat alongside of malo
fellow, who looked like ghost of Ham
let heightened out. He was a stately
looking cuss, and he was reading.
Said [, "Mister, did you over see g
camelopardl" L said camelopard because
it is a camelopard and never eats grass
without getting down ON his knees. BE
said he hadn't seen camelopard. Then
said l, ''Do you chew"
He said, "No, sir
Then [ said, Chow sweet is naturer'
He took this for a conundrum and said
he didn't know. Then he said he was
deeply interested in the history of a
great man. "Alas!" he exclaimed, "we
are but few!"
told him knew one; 'fho man who
made my cooking stove was a great
man." =
Then he asked, "Would I read2"
Says |, "What have you got7"
He replied: "Wait's Hymns, Reveries
by Moonlight, and How to Spend the
Sabbath"
l said 'None of them for Hannah, but
if he had an unabridged business direo-
tory of New York city 1 would take lit
tie read"
Then he said, young man, look OF
told him saw them, aid that when
q man got to be as old as he was he ought
to die. Said l, "You needn't think those
gray hairs are any sign of wisdom, it's
only sign that your system lacks iron;
and [ advise you to go home and swal-
low crowbar."
He took this for irony and what little
entente cordjale there was between us
was spilled. 1t turned out that he was
chaplain of base ball club.
When l got to Rochester I called for a
bowl of soup. [ send you the recipe for
making it. Take lot of water and wash
it well, and boil it until it is brown Oh
both sides, then carefully pour one bean
into it and let it simmer. When the
bean gets restless, sweeten with little
salt and then put it up in air-tight cans,
hitch each can to q brick and the syrup
is done
The above recipe originated with a
man in Iowa, who got up suppers on odd
occasions for Oddfeiiows. He had a
recipe for oyster soup, leaving out the
salt.
Speaking of Iowa reminds me Of the
way | got my money to pay for my ticket
and that fellows supper. 1 bet fellow
dollar that could tell him how much
water to a quart went under the rail road
bridge over the Mississippi at Dubuque
in year. won the bet, but after all
the supper was an awful swindle.
Dubuque is celebrated for its fine turn
outs on the streets; while / was there a
wagon upset and spilled lot OF women.
didn't see it. looked the other way.
No cards.