Middletown transcript., 1881-06-17
Ghe S8liddleturuu Eranstript
FRIDAY AFTERNOON, JUNE II, 1881.
CHIPS.

CHIPS.
An exchange heads a column of clip
pings "Wise and otherwise. " It seems
to be mostly "otherwise.
One of the newest things in music is
called ''Stolen Kisses" lisa charming
duet-when nobody's looking.
An exchange remarks that the hog
crop Of the country will be short this
year. This is important to Cape May
hotel proprietors, though they probably
looked out for suitable clerks in good
season.
1t is high time Professor Swift was
discovering another comet, if he cares
to sustain his reputation. If we were
getting 5000 apiece for new comets,
the country should have all it wanted,
and few to lend.
We see that the remains Of William
Penn are to be brought to America and
buried. And so William is dead
though no particulars are given of the
sad event. Let us hope his last hours
were peaceful, and that he was prepared
for the great change.
Wealth may not bring happiness, but
it manages to make appearances very
agreeably deceptive. -SteubeRrille Her.
aid.
"When yesterday l asked you, love,
one little word to say, your brother in
terTupted US; 50 please say yes ter day"
Toronto Grip.
"Love, " saysa Tilted youth, 'is much
signing, little crying, together with
slight desire for dying, and decided
surplus for lying. OttGoUa Press.
An Irishman drinks whiskey;
Frenchman wine; an Englishman ale; a
Dutchman, beer; and an American
anything he can get.-Agents Herald.
The predominant favor of the average
Stumptown cigar leads to the suspicion
that new use has been found for the
salt hay crop of last season.-Neacark
Call.
Appropos Of the Jeanette search it
may be well to remark that the pole
hunters are becoming just as difficult
of discovery as the pole Yonkers Ga
zette.
The musical people Of Cincinnati
abuse Theodore Thomas because he re-
fuses to beat time with ham when
conducting concert in that city.-Kit
adams.
Cucumbers are only twenty-five cents
EACH YonkerS Gazette. That's cheap
enough for the cucumber, but it's the
funeral that costs like thunder.-Bos-
ton Times.
''Do you understand natural philosO-
ply, Johnnie? ~ eyes, sir. = "Give an
illustration. Chilly Jones putting his
arms around sister Sails neck. .''-Syr-
acatse Standard.
The worst thing the historian will
have to say about Peru is that she didn't
know any better than to organize con-
gress in the midst Of her other troubles.
-Yonkers Gazette.
A pianist, writing from the country
to friend, said that he took his morn
ing walk presto, ate his breakfast an
dante, dined con motto, and supped de-
crescendo.- o.-Phild. San.
We have just discovered why the
susicidal mania is on the increase.
That excruciating and ancient melody,
''Way down upon the Su-wanee river'
is being revised. E. Garrett.
A Deadwood woman tried to open
can Of nitro-glycerine with hatchet,
and when she lit about nine miles down
the Cheyenne road she said she never
was 50 surprised in all her ife.-Modern
Argo.
Mother, said fair haired urchin,
III don't want to do to Sunday School.
/ want to do fishin'.'' y "But the fish
won't bite on Sunday, my son. They're
good and go to their Sunday School"
"Well,' responded the probable future
president, ''I'll risk it, anyhow; maybe
there's some ats like me. .''-Keok1GE
Gate City.
Papa" said an Oil City youngster,
''What has been done to Robertson ?'
''why my son he has been confirmed, what
makes you ask?'' "Oh, ,nothin' particu-
lar only now he's like you isn't he ?''
''Like me? why do you think 50 r.
"Coz l heard grandma tell mamma this
morning that you was a confirmed
drunkard. 4 The father thereupon re-
signed and went down town.-Oa City
Derrick
Twas in the art gallery the other
afternoon. They were looking at
plaster cast of Mercury. ''Pretty lively
boy, Mercury was, wasn't he ?" re-
marked one of the inspectors. 'Ye-e-s,
but he's got to shin up the thermometer
tube little more actively if he wants
to keep up his reputation" suggested
the other. And both feeling very chilly
they went out and warmed up.-Ne,o
HdUel1 Register.
An admiring father: There was joy
on the farm when Ben, the oldest boy
came back from college in his sopho-
more year, and the village was proud
of him. s'Cheese it, Gully" he said
when he met an old friend, the son of
neighbor who joined farms with his ia
ther; "cheese it, Gully; shove us your
lipper, clench daddles, pardy. How's
his nibs, and what's the new racket ?"
And his proud old father said: 'EIt was
Jest worth more'n twice't the money to
hear Ben rattle off Greek just like a