Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1881-02-21
LITTLE IoHNsY.s BEASTS.

Possums has tobacco pouches on the
stomachs and one time there was possum
which was a show. A teller came to see
the show, and he had bunch of tirecrack
ers. cause it was the Fourth of July. The
| Teller he took one off and put it in his
mouth, and then he lit one of the others
and held EN- out to the possum, and said.
Have a cigarette % The possum it
snatched 'em, and crammed 'em in its
pouch, and wank its eyes like it said ::
s' Now you can jest whistle for your old
| cigarettes, fer | an reglar saving bank,
am !"
But bimeby the crackers went off wild,
and YOU never seen such busted bank like
! that possum
Nv uncle Ned he had possum which
was a pet, and he had little music box,
| too, but my sisters young man he plays
the fiddle and Sammy Doppy he can crow
like roosters. One day the piano was
moved out of the parlor, and Uncle Ned
| he wound up the music-box and looked the
! other way, and the possum it sneeked up
| and put the music. box in the tobacco pouch
of its belly, playin' the ''Sweet By and
! By" real nice. Then Uncle Ned he went
in the kitchen and called Mary, that's the
! housemaid, and said IS Mary, you go in
| the parlor and tell your mistress when she
gets done playin' the piano L would like to
see her.
| Bimeby Mary she came runnin back,
wife like sheet, and said 'Oh, if you
please, sir, that nasty cat of your'n has ct
| the pianner p
And now I'll tell you little story about
! snakes. When Mister Pitched was mis-
! sionary preacher in Africa he seen a natif
niger trying to catch a long snake. Mister
! Pitched he said "What do you mean to
/ take that Teller in your hands p The niger
! said he did if his gods was willing that he
should get tail hold Mister Pitched he
said 'sAin't them kind of snakes pizen ?"
and the niger he said eve ct ten this
morning, and | feel pretty well. Mebby
they would pizen me if | was greedy like
! hogs"
| 4 other time when Mister Pitched was
there a natif niger which was the king he
! said to him "You come to the palace
next Sunday and preach to us poor. con-
verified heathens and will have mighty
good dinner ready for you when you have
! got done" So Mister Pitched he went and
preached, and vile he was preachin' he
| KEEP a smelin' the dinner witch was
being bold mighty nice, and every time he
smelt it he stopped for to get wifi OF 1T.
Bimeby the king he got mad and ne said
F" You jest go on with the preach. 1t amt
nobody but that galoot Sambo Caesar he
was always scotfin' vile ne was alive, and
now the garn dasted infidel pushes up the
pot lid for to interrupt our devotlons !"
If L was the king l would take my big
saword and cut all the wicked intidels'
heads off, yes, indeed, but when you cut
hens head off the preacher he comes mex
day and eats her. Hens lays eggs and the
rooster fops his wings and crows when he
thinks hisself better fighter than other
rooster, but the Teller on the new steeple
he don't crow, and if he would lay eggs
, they would be all busted Eggs is incest
| with ham and sossidge and buckweat cakes,
| and whole apple pie all for your own self.
( Bildad, that's the new dog, he likes cold
/ apple dumplins, but Towser that's the dog
! died, he had wort on his nose.
| The dog is the king of beasts, but snakes
are more like cells. My sisters young man
says one time in Indy there was man had
to travel long jurney on foot, and so he
! hired snake charmer to proteck HIM, cos
the snakes there is mighty bad lot. So
! the man and the charmer then started, and
after they had gone bout a mile the
charmer he stopt and said; g / guess it's
about time for me to begin earnin' my
money" So he took foot out of his
close and begun to play a tune, and pretty
soon some snakes crawld out on the grass
| for to see what was up. And bimeby some
more come and stood around too. till after
a vile there was bout thousan' hundred
big pizen snakes all around 'em, and the
man was frightened most to death. Then
the charmer he put away his foot and
said "You can't find no fault with sech
charmin' as that, guess, can you? Now
| if you are ready to go on jest gather club
and wade in, and if we are so fortunate as
to get through we will come pretty soon to
! Jungle where you can hire cousin of
mine. which can charm lions and taggers. "
| TSunday World.