Connecticut western news., 1881-02-16
WIT AND WISDOM.

,.-- WIFI ANO HlouNua
 "LET's consohdate," is what the bashful telegrapher says to his. best girl. ..'-.-. LE nao
 THE most musical man in the world at this season of the year in the plumber, for lie is never tired of piping. e'd
 THE Philadelphia Item wants some- body. to furnish it with sail for blood vessel, but forgets to give the length of leech.
 A MAINE journal says that the climate there cures hay fever. It probably also cures mosquitoes about this time in the year. .. ---... .... A RIGHTEOUS and probably untruthful burglar who had broken into an editors house said that the only thing he struck was match. E t- z-!..'-- THE Boston Post knows man who does not enjoy dog fight, but always runs to one for fear that he may be con- sidered eccentric.
 THE average age of hog is only ff- teen years. This always consoles HIS when we see man spreading himself out over four seats in railway car.
 A DANDY, who visited the Central Park on Sunday, wanted to know which was the front of the Obelisk, "for," said he, cit wears scarf pins all over il"
 MRS. LIvERMoRE is featuring on "How Shall we Bench the BoysP" l This question can never be satisfactorily answered until every saloon has Q tele- phone. 7! l,
 STATISTICS show that only one man out of twenty pays bill on sight. Even if they have the cash in their pockets, "Call again" Y" is @ national watchword. -ir
 IT TAKES justice with an awful sight of cheek to tell merchant that jury of his peers has decided so and so, when the said peers consist of four old buns and two corner loafers.
 WHEN you hear man say that snow- balling is healthy amusement, and the boys ought to be allowed to enjoy 1t, don't think him generous soul set that man down as @ glazier.
 ALL THE men in an eRtire county in Minnesota turned out on @ wolf-hunt the other day. The result was thirty six dog fights and the capture of fellow who had run away from his wife.
 AN aristocratic papa, on being re- quested by rich and vulgar fellow for permission to marry" one of his girls" gave this rather crushing reply: Ger tainly. Which one would you prefer the waiter or the cook ?"
 HA11s's JOURNAL OF HEALTH says that a person can catch the diphtheria by holding his head over drain for fifteen minutes. You now know as much about it as MT. Hall, and if you don't catch 1t don't blame him. -..
 AN OLD lady in town of Massachu- setts refused the gift of load of wood from tree struck by lightning, through fear that some of the fluid might re- main in the wood, and cause disaster to her kitchen stove. -.-s.
 JANUARY, sneezy; February, freezy; March, breezy; April, wheezy; May, showery June, lowery July, bowery; August, fowery September, blowey; October, flowey; November, snowey; December, glowey.
 SOMEBODY, now unknown, has said that he did not expect to hear any sense worth listening to from 8 man who never dares to talk nonsense. This should be remembered and often pondered by the whole class of wise bores.
 THE train had just rolled into the sta- tion. and little Charlie stood listeninga moment to the sound of the Westing- house escape. Then turning to his father he said: "Pa, the engines all out O breath, ain't it ?" .-a..
 LECTURE upon the rhinoceros. Pro- lessor: "I must beg you to give me vour undivided attention. It is abso- Iutely impossible that you can form true idea of this hideous animal, unless you keep your eyes fixed on me"
 SAYS the Detroit Free Press: What | future nuisances will the men be who I remember this year. "Now there was the winter of 18SO-S1. Why, sir, that \ year it froze steady for, etc., etc., etc, Il etc.. etc., etc., etc. The snow drifted II th1rGy-e1Rub 16SU, oVc'S Ooo', oeo' I THE forests of this country, says M I Quad, must be preserved, and while we all feel that way it does not look partio- ularly bad to see 8 woman working up ! an old knot in the back yard with hus- \ band and two hulks of boys toasting l their shins in the kitchen. a..s LATE the other evening a merchant was playing cards with railroad official, who was rather sleepy at the time. "I pass," said the merchant | The railroad man was awake in an in- stant "No you don't" said he, "not on this line. You pay your fare or walk"
 GuBo1ARD argued the other day that the moon was more useful than the sup. fWhen asked his reason, he remarked:' L"Why, there's no question about it. kSee here, the sun comes during the Edaylight, and is of no use whatever; |lwhile the moon comes during the night Hand makes it light" - s- k AN ovERwoRKED young man con- jsulted physician who had adopted his lgprofession rather late in life. "H'm young fellow" said the latter, ga good constitution is very needful for busi-a mess man. You look little eff color. How old are you?" "Twenty-ive.. | F Twenty-fiye Why. bless your heart