The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1881-04-01
VOL. XXV----NO. IL.
VARIETIES.

"A matchless story-one in which there
are no weddings.
Half the ills we hoard in our hearts are
! ills because we hoard them.
| The Canadian weather prophet informs
the world through the Oil City Derrick that
no weather is genuine unless Tennors name
is blown on the bottle.
You can tell merciful farmer as soon
as he stops his team at post. He takes the
blanket off his wife's lap and spreads it over
the poor horses.
-"Why did you pass me yesterday with
out looking at me" asked beautiful lady of
gentleman. Because if had looked, |
could not have passed" was the gallant re-
ply.
There is an old saying that "if you keep
anything seven years it will come in STYLE
| All right; then poverty is Stylish and we're
in style.-M City Derrick.
The White House at Washington was so
named after it was burned by the British in
| 1916, when the smoke so blackened the free
stone walls that it was painted white. 1t has
| been the home ofall the successive Presidents
except Washington.
George Brown is n man who never has
money enough on hand to pay his bills A
few days ago he bought a pair of boots on
credit. How much are they?" Give dol
lers, you pay cash down" "How is that ?"
"Well, you see" said the simple shoe
maker, wen sells on credit knows it is a
dead loss, so makes de loss so schmall as
possible"
Love and Thrift A New Hampshire
farmer recently agreed to sell his farm for
$4,000, but when the day came he told the
eXpectant purchaser that his wife was in hys-
terics about the trade, and he Guessed he'd
have to back out" Thepurchaser complain
ed and finally asked how much more would
induce him to sell. "Well, "replied the thrifty
| son of the Granite State, "giveme $3.50 more
and we'll let her cry"-Boston Transcript.
AS an innocent-looking old man was
going up Washington street, dray-man
| nodded at him and asked; "Want q dray,
| mister :" moo, l guess not" replied the
| old man; "Im too fur from home, and can't
pay freight on it. Much obleeged, though
Vicksburg is a powerful nice town. A fellow
back there asked me i'll didn't want coat
another inquired if wanted hack, and now
you offer me dray. Iwish lived here
| IickSJU1y Herald,
Smith and Smyth. He entered the city
editors room, very mad. "You printed the
statement that was drunk Yesterday, cut up
| rough, and made a beast of myself and got
run in. ""Yes, replied the editor, "are you dis
pleased with the article?" II am, sir, fear
fully displeased with it." "Well we have to
give the news" Eyes, l don't mind you do
ing that. But by the great sub-tailed bull
| dog, sir, | want you to understand that my
| name is Smyth with a y, and if you spell it
with again I'll wreck your old office. |
want correction published" He got it,
| Boston Post.
"A neighbor, with a coffee cup in her
| hand, called in on Uucle Nose, remarking:
"Unce Nose, wants to borry cup OBJ
parched coffee from you for breakfast, till
tomorrow SEQ right TO dc box on de
| shcf and hep yer yersef" The neighbor did
as requested, but discovered the box to be rs
empty as the head of a legislator. Uncle
Nose, dar's no parched coffee in dis heah
box" docs yer know why dar amt no cot.
fee in dat ar box?" No; don't know nuf.
fin about it, Oar amt no coffee in dat ar
| box said the old man, solemnly, "bekase
| dat ar am de returned coffee-box. Eff yer had
brung back all de coffee yer borrowed last
year hit would beplum full"-Galreston Meas.
DR. Mountain, cha plain to King James
L., waiting upon his Majesty when he was
| walking in st. James Park, the King said to
him that he was more troubled how To dis
pose of the Bishopric of London, which was
| than vacant, then he was of anything in his
| life; "tor," said he, "there are many who
| apply with SO strong an interest that know
| not to whom to give it." The doctor in reply
to his Majesty said that if he had faith he
might easily dispose of it. "How?" asked
the King. "If your Majesty had as much
faith as a grain of mustard seed, you might
| say to this mountain: "Be thou removed and
| and cast into that See"' 1t is said that the
| King rewarded this piece of ready wit by the
| immediate hestowal of the mitre