Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-08-27
CHOICE CHIT CHAT
On Moral and Miscellaneous
Matters.

CHOICE CHIT CHAT
! On Moral and Miscellaneous
Matters.
/ Quilted for Saturdays Register.
Being in the pillory is not the thini
TO regret and be ashamed Of, but rathe
the fact that you deserve to be there.
sydney Smith said OF prosy sermons
ths, "they are written as II sin we're Il
be taken out Of man like Eve out o
Adam-by putting him to sleep.
A man has been found with magnets
right hand. He went into q store the
other day and tour yards Of costly lacs
chung TO him until it was taken away by
the police.
When q distressed looking person
rings your door bell late at night anG
SAWS he only wants one word with you
you may be pretty sure that that ons
word is money.
There are undoubtedly q great many
things which are better than riches; but
riches are good enough for those OF u:
who feel humble and wish, to leave
something for other people.
If other people only had as high opin'
ion OF Us rs we have OF ourselves We
should all be drawing large salary and
driving in the Park every afternoon.
We are poor because We are not appre'
eiated.
When you have tried to hit nail with
hammer and only succeeded in hitting
your thumb if you can hold your lips
tight and not say anything naughty you
are better Christian than the average
church member.
A little neral courage would help us
out Of a good many difficult places. A
confirmed fiirt said to gentleman,
Next Wednesday afternoon shall be
at home, and alone" 1t was great
temptation, but the hero quietly saved
himself by answering, "Ah, indeed ;
why, so shall H."
Mr.. Tohn Semple's prayer might be
said, not irreverently, over some OF our
modern ministers. When q pompous
young man delivered a sermon which
was well calculated to make an exhibit
ton of himself, but was good for little
else, Semple PRAYED, 80 Lord! prick
him and let the wind out OF him, and
then perhaps he'll be able to preach"
Why is it that men 30 often prefer the
low pleasures OF appetite and passion
when the higher range OF pleasures can
be had for the asking? We had ponder
ed long on this problem, and almost
gave il up when We recalled conundrum
of our youth: "Why does a donkey
prefer thistles to hay" Well, if the
truth must be told, it is because he lisa
donkey.
Conversation is q very serious thing
with some people. They talk all day,
and the fact that they say nothing does
not in the slightest degree interfere with
the steady flow of words. One OF this
ilk on board the train was asked very
simple question by fellow passenger,
She made deprecating gesture and re-
piled, "Excure me, sir, but | am only
going to the next station, and it's not
worth while to begin a conversation
A great many curious and funny
stories are told Of good Mather Byles,
who could not repress BIZ comicalities,
and who are iocose in s. e of his Pur-
itrnism. One cold win day he was
mailing list on his door. A parishioner
said, doctor, don't you know that the
wind bloweth where it listeth?" "Ies,"
was the quick reply, land l know also
that every man OF common sense listeth
wheresoeyer the wind bloweth."
He was a fearful-tory during the
struggles of the Colonies and was SEN
fenced to confinement on board guard
ship. The sentence was afterward
changed to confinement in his own
house. The sentinel was removed after
a little, then replaced and then removed
again. The doctor wrote TO friend
that he had been guarded, regarded
and disregarded." He called bis sentry
his observatory"
The difficulty about secret is that it
takes so many men to keep it. II it has
been poured into your ear you wrestle
with it for awhile, but it is too much for
you. The man to whom You tell it
wrsstles with it, and it is too much for
him also. He tells il, and the man to
,hAr he ksallo - 70 alaa al.
ways in the strictest confidence, until at
last it cease to be a secret. Only { ne
man in the world has ever been strong
enough to keep a secret entirely to him.
self, and he died long ago.
The old time sermons were some
times very formidable. One minister
who always HAD an hourglass on the
pulpit got only half way through when
the last sands ran out. Quietly turning
it he said, "Now, brethren, we'll take
another glass together before we part,
and went on. When Stephen Marshall
told his congregation that his sermon
would be divided into twenty.four parts
one OF the pewholders started down the
broad aisle. Where are you going"
asked Marshall. TO get my slippers
and nightgown," was the reply.
Even a scolding wife once in q while
gets her due. When DR.. South paid a
visit to DIR. Waterland the latter asked
him to stay to dinner. The lady OF the
house was so insulting about the extra
trouble that she was put to that her
husband said in pet, My dear, If it
were not for the presence OF stranger
should certainly punish you as you
deserve" This wss before the day OF
women's rights DR.. South looked up
quietly from his book and said, "Dr.
Wateriand, beg you not to make q
stranger Of me, but to proceed as though
were not here"
The same nefarious practices prevail
in the charity fairs Of all party OF the
world. We manage to make an incredi-
l.[-A