Democratic messenger., 1881-10-01
WIT AND WISDOM.

VIII AND hISDUMs
A GOOD mans life, however humble it
laay be, has more eloquence in it than
thousand sermons.
"THERE's no place like home"-when
fellows busted and the old folks well
come him back
An English Lord fell ont of a hanson
the other day and broke his leg. This
reminds us that handsome is as hanson
does.
JOHN BULL sneers at our Navy, but
he is probably not aware that we can
turn out Is, 900 brass bands at the very
first hint of invasion.
LIVES of wealthy men remind us
That by using printer ink,
We can die and leave behind ~,
Monstrous piles Of golden fchink'
Detroit Free Press
FIRST player dreamt last night /
was playing Hamlet" Second player
"I am thankful to say that I did not
dream [ was one of your audience"
The season has arrived when the ora
tor who does not know a side-hill plow
from a potato bug will deliver beauti-
full discourses on agriculture on the fair
grounds.
Two GEESE with one stone Two
young swells were making fun of good
country curate. The abbe. after stand
ing 1t pretty we'll for while, said
"Allow me to say, gentlemen, that
am not precisely fop nor altogether a
fool, but betwixt the two" The young
men departed.
"ONLY boy with his noise and fun"
And his big tin horn and hlsyawpiug gun
And his heavy boots and his agile hammer
And his throat of ten wild iniin clamor,
His boOms and drums, and skill for racket
That's tighter fit than his under-jacket
Only boy-but when in tune
Hes match for wake and Ia big typhoon.
81 WISH" said the farmers wife to
her husband and six boys, "that some
of you would shoot the yeller cat" So
they all, when they happened to think
of If, went and loaded the gun. Luckily,
it was the youngest boy who fired it, for
he was very healthy and could stan6
being kicked through the fence.
ADoLPHUs's courage was mp. Falling
on his knees he cried, "Angelia, dear
est, make me the happiest man by ac-
cepting my heart and hand" Casting
one look at the great paw, Angelina
thrilled in every fibre as she sweetly re-
piled: "Oh! Adolphus, this is lore
than expected. boston Trans 1rif1t
UNDER the heading of "Gems of
| Thought" an exchange has "Have
the courage to pay a debt while the
money is in your pocket" There is a
great deal of that kind of courage in
this world. And can man pay the
debt and keep the money in his pocket?
Let us have the recipe for the benefit of
poor readers.
ABOUT 800, 600 worth of writing paper
is manufactured in the United States
annually; but when young mans best
girl goes into the country to spend the
summer, and doesn't write him more
| than one letter q month, he looks una
the foregoing assertion as q spSnnc;,
watering place correspondence, ia
| the truth abideth not.
LOUIS XVIII. told ops muOk-s-huON 1
asking ask I his M min sim, | pleaded With my
majority. Vincent to prevent him from
i've, he would,oanut of the original
You don't wanttbing will be o. K.
the reply 1ably catch my meaning.
2oseFyse wing the gsnder- -shanked pale
you ana vou will give yourself no
AN lndlanape-' .Iaep over thc He
began on the bill of fare. y<nsS"e"
ing three walters nearly halE yes 10
bringing dishes to him, he b
sigh, and whispered, as he ~ey
finger on the bill of fare, Z" IDts..~.t
ct to thar, and"-moving d dOn't you
the bottom of the bill-''
the rule, I'd like to skis,,. n. "a
thar" VIC Dog aou
A LITTLE girl has an uie 0sn' sna
taught her to open and shutaoa DOL
hat. The other evening, howe5ez Al
appeared with an ordinary silk one.
Suddenly he saw the child coming,
accordeon. ooh, uncle" she said,
"this one is very hard? I've had to sit
on 1t; but can't get it more than half
shut"
A YOUNG man recently called at n lit
tie domicile in Vicksburg. A small boy
and big yellow dog were snuggled on
the doorstep, and the young man asked.
" Will the dog bite ?" "Well," said
the boy, "it's OWN to certain things
eff he do or not. Ef yer want to col
leck sewing machine money, he's fierce
as tiger, but eff yer got anything to
give us, he's harmless as kitten-ain't
yer. Towser ?"
Nor lying at all Said he, "And you
love me better than all the world be-
side?" Eyes" said she. Aud You
love me better than anybody else?"
said he. eyes, dearest" "And yon
wouldn't think any more of me if was
worth a million dollars ?" Said she:
"No; and if was rich heiress you
wouldn't want to marry me any more
than you do now ?" mo, darling"
They were not lying, gentle reader;
they were simply counting; that was all.
THEN SHE KNEW SHE coULD.i
''whistle, whistle, loving daughter, and You
shall have a cow
- never whistled, mother, and neither can ]
now
1t Fuckers up my mouth so y
"Whistle. whistle. loving daughter, and you
shall have a horse"
''I never whistled, mother, and cannot now, Of
COURSE
1t FUCKERS up my mouth ~
''Whistle, whistle, loving daughter, and you
shall have n sheep"
| g never whisted, mother, neither will | yeti
1t Fuckers up my mouth so y