Osage Valley banner. (Tuscumbia, Miller County, Mo.) 1879-1881, 1881-09-01

would. IL 1 had been wise, l would
have had thcm arrested. Being bald
headed old idiot, l consented
Next day arrived upon the ground.
The two mines were there. One was
called the Comets. the other the
Shooting Stars
"Tho game began.
THE Comets won the toss, and Man
ly, my cashier, went To bat He hit
liner which WAS stopped by left field.
and ran quickly TO first base. Tho ball
seemed to me to get there quicker than
Manly, and | said, 'Outp
"Manly came back mad.
"'Was that OutP said he.
eyes, replied.
"'No, il wasn't
." i say il was
"In your eye replied Manly.
You're nice old umpire, you arelh
"Manly,' said l. Il don't want any
of your insolonce I'll discharge you.r
" Discharge and be haugedr' he
said. There's m old goat in yonder
/ field who would make better umpire
/ than YOU
That settled IT,
al told Manly not 10 come TO work
next day. aud told tho Comets TO pat
second striker up
They did.
THE fellow knocked ly TO first
I base. First base muiied il and fooled
/ with II. and wasn't sure whether or not
/ he did have It In his hand when the
striker reached the base.
"lIow is tip he called cut.
mot ont striker safe replied,
Ei,-gt haga g,tsr hnnls .laatNar
Hardy, generally the pink Of politeness,
but my decision did not appear to please
him.
"'You ought TO get pair of new
eyes, he saidi that was out, plain as
day
!" So il was. cried the pitcher. who
has been with me for ten years, ANY
body but on old dotard could see II was
out plain; wasn't II, boys"
THE boys--the boys OF his side
liall said yes of course, and suggested
putting up wooden man as an umpire;
and my youngest errand boy, who was
soaking out in the center field, said
ought 10 buy piece OF smoked glass "a
see through discharged him right
: away.
"Then Merrill (hc's red headed. and
gets mad easy), went to the bat lie
made FOUL say Il was foul, and
know il - and | said it was out, because
the catcher caught it.
- Foul--outf cried.
"'WhatP' gasped Merrill.
50 Foul-ouir repeated.
"'Do you call that q fouIP
al do
"Mr. Bradley, you're crazy! 1t wa
not foul
"Tt was
80 IL wasn't.
"'Don't YOU contradict me, Merrill.
"'I will, II you say that's foul
You're driveling jackassn
=" Here, you shut up said Bennett
: my stock clerk, who was catcher; anC
: they all came in from the field.
"Exactly what followed | cannot re
, late succinctly. Anyhow. Merrill sai'
Bennett was liar, and Bennett saiI
$ Merrill was another. Which one hi
Q first do not know; but, at any rate,
= free fight ensued, aud ! was in the mid
die of 1t.
! IL was pitched over fence, kicke'
into ditch, jumped on, walked over
4 and carried for dead from the fiel'
h along with the scorer, who rs sal,
before, has got half bat into his head
"But ! had my revenge, for dis
2 charged every blessed mothers son q
| them; but ! don't believe they cal
$ much about il, for all except Merrill ar
n in the hospital"
: Where's MerrillP'
!. "In Jail. As near as can find on
he licked all the rest, and then tried {
lick policeman, who wanted to sto
b the fun,
$ Say. II YOU know a nice, quic
young fcIlow-in fact nineteen nice
: quiet young fellows who never hear
Of base bali, and don't know what il is
lot me know. I'll pay them their ow
prices. --Fireside Companion