The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1881-05-06
THE COLUMBIAN, VOL. XIV. NO. is
COLUMBIA DEMOCRAT, VOL. XLYI, NO. o
Spring.

Mr., Tennyson is to avery large extent
responsible Tor the prcyalcucc of the
opinion set forth by him in verse that in
the spring a young mans fancy lightly
turns to the thoughts Of love It does
not do anything of the kind. Mr. Ten
nyson is the last person who has n
right to express. any opinion concerning
the conduct of lovers His writings
show that he knows nothing whatever
about them. There is his Mariana, who.
he tells us, sits year after year in the
moated grange bewaiing the fact she. "
| her lover comelh not; whereas u real
Mariana would have staid in the grange
about two days, and at the end Of that
time would have gone up TO London. en-
| gagged n lawyer and brought an action
| tor breach of promise. There, too, is
Enoch Arden, who, on coming home to
see his wife, contents himself with look
| ing ut her through the back window, and
then, after rolling over the vegetable
beds, goes away aud dies in a boarding
| house. Had Euoch been n true man ne
would have pitched the inteycalary nus
| band out OF the window or arranged n
Judlclous compromise with him. Ineither
case he would have claimed his wife
and died comfortably in his own front
bedroom The inability TO comprehend
the feelings of lovers as shown in these
and other instances. renders Mr.. Tenny-
son untirely unfit to tell us what time of
year or under what circumstances n
young mans fancy turns to thoughts of
love. ., ..... .....
Spring is precisely the season of the
year when men, whether young or old,
never think Of making love This is due
to variety of causes, In spring no less
than 7S per cent. of girls residing in the
SO called temperate zone have colds in the
head. Theyoung man who calls to see
gir at this season is either told THAT she
Is not at home, or he is admitted to gaze
on watery eyes and ruddy nose, and to
listen TO waiings concerning the discom
tort of Il gold in the cad" Obviously.
II girl in such condition does not at
tract the light or the heavy fancy of any
discriminating young man. The flame
OF love can BE- easily shifted out in early
spring, or mere handkerchief can eX
tnguish it. .
Spring being thus what might be called,
after the manner of sporting men, close
season for girls, it is the most rnpropi-
tous of all seasons for love making. Not
only is it untrue that in the spring the
fancy OF young men turns girlward, but,
IL point OF fact. there are other objects
which inevitably attract masculine fancy.
One OF these is the subject of clothing,
The young man cannot make mp his
mind whether on any given day he should
wear q heavy overcoat or IA light over
coat, Ii he wears the former. he is sure
to be intentionally warm, and if he
wears the latter, he inevitably takes cold.
lience, there is constant struggle in his
mind, teverish uncertainty which can
not fail to Danish all thoughts of love.
No man can Use the language of affec-
ton with any success while he is suffer
ing from too warm clothing, and still
less can he manage to please fastidious
woman when hsmiud is preoccupicd
with the conviction that he has certainly
taken cold and that pneumonia is about
20 claim him az Il victim. 1t is true that
! conversation between the sexes NAV be
carried on in spring, but its subject mat
ter is usually the efficacy of mustard plas-
t'rS, on the comparative value of chlor-
ate OF potash and alum us remedies for
sore throat. a.........
Then, with the advent of spring most
young men are brought face to face with
the problem how TO pay for q spring
suit oflclothes. Surely there is no more
dangerous foe of love than the tailor's
bill In January the young man can
buy flowers or opera boxes, or hire car
riages, or pay forsupper, for he has more
or less money in his pocket, and the
boardinghous(s keeper and the washer
woman can be made TO wait. But when
: there is a question of ordering spring
clothes, the young man feels his poverty.
lie must make payment on that old nc
court before the tailor will consent to
trust him for a new suit. Thus he has
no money to spare for the purposes of
courtship, and his mind is too much oc-
cnpied with the financial problem to ad-
NIT OF softer aud sweeter thoughts.
And then, provided the yourg man
lives in the country, there is the spring
mud. How can he thlnk of going to see
any young lady when ne must walk
through quarter OF mile of mud and
present himself before her with the boots
of an active agriculturist and the muddy
trousers of patrolman? The thing is
clearly out OF the question, and the
young man is compelled, as matter of
sell respect, TO stay at home till fine
weather begins and the roads are dry.
Mr. Tennyson may plead that in
making his preposterous assertion con
cerning the spring habits of lovers he
had in mind only the particular young
man who was in the habit of sitting on
the moor and repeating pretty verses
concerning his cousin Amy, instead OF
boldly walking up to LockSley Hall, call
ing on that respectable matron and ac-
cepting an Invitation to dinner Let us
accept this explanation, and admit that
this idiotical young mans fancy did turn
to thoughts of his cousin Amy between
the first of March aud the last of April
Much good it did him. Miss Amy un
dQubtedly took the ground that she
would have nothing to DO with a younn
man who came with muddy boots to cal
on her when she had Il cold in her head
This was the real reason why she dis
missed him and married the other man
and the story ought to convince Mr.
Tcnnyson that spring is not gouo
Time for love making.
The truth is, spring is the most oh iec
tlonahle OF all seasons, The weather i,
certain to be disagreeablc, aud 10 man
can successfully adapt his clothing to ii
1t is n season when one. is equally un
comfortable in doors or out of doors Oi
every hundred successful lovers, at least
ninelyiiYe never make love in spring
That malign season should be stricken
from the almanac, and Summer should
be made to promptly succeed Winter on
the 10Th of every May.-Ne,o YorG
Times, .- ....'