Daily Republican., 1881-08-25

OKDUS.
ST. CLAIR FISHERM EN-

take tho boat for St Clair Flats, and
each man had fishing tackle and other
preparations for good time. After
| looking the crowd over from his seat on
a salt barrel, an Old cynic of a dock
!oafer approached one of the gentlemen
and inquired:
Coin a tishin' o.
eyes, sir
expect to catch any 2"
81 hope so"
''Goin to lie about their siZe?"
"Siro!'
"Goin' to lie like blazes about the
size and number"
"Sir, am truthful man.
son, you. are, eh. Then You'll let
the other fellows do the lying and you'll
swear to it! see"
She poked her head in at the office
window Of he village postmaster, and
innocently observed 81 pec,ed n
letter from Arthur to-day. What do
you suppose was the reason he didn't
write ." Annoyed by the interruption,
the Federal official sharply responded !:
II don't know but perhaps he WAS
engaged in writing to another woman
last night. ct happened, unfortunate
y for the postmaster, that the lady who
sought the information was u niece of
the Congressman for that district, and
the ntXt month his official head rolled
in the basket. The county organ of the
administration announced the change
in an article headed "Civil service r.
form moves grandly on.-Brooklyn
Eagle.
Astronomy is beautiful science.
We are told that if a railway was run
from the earth to the nearest fixed star,
and the fare was one penny tor every
hundred miles, and if you were to take
a mass of gold to the ticket office equal
to the national debtor So 800, 600, OOC-
1t would not be sufficient to pay for a
ticket to the nearest fixed star dtOre-
said. If this be- the case, it matters
very little TO us whether such a railway
is ever constructed. 1t would be mighty
discouraging to 20 to the ticket office
with a mass of gold equal to So, 500, ,0OO,-
600 and be informed that the fare was
E5,67S, ,032,0 If the ticket agent
wouldn't trust until we got back we
would be compelled to forcgo the trip.
Cometh up as a flower A sense of
the titness of things is in some natures
superior to the agitation which either
great joy or sorrow causes. A Long
ISLAND lad who had visited the water
melon bed once too often came home
quite suddenly and ter contest with
the grim destroyer which lasted all
night, gave up the ghost. A few days
after the funeral the artist who was pre-
pairing the tombstone asked the bereved
mother what design she would have on
it. Tears gushed from her eyes and
sobS half choked her az she answered
"a WV watermelon v-v-vine. brook
lyn Eagle.
And now that very good paragraph
that the Norristown Herald got off, to
onr knowledge, fully eight years ago,
about the falIacy of a rose ever smell
ing "as wheat" is going the rounds
again, and every chap changes The con-
text and puts it down as original
Phila. n. Am. Mani. You are in error.
The pun was barren Of capillary alorn-
ment when the Herald was born, and
that was nearly eighty year ago. Prof.
Huxley, who has carefully examined
the various strata of the witticism, con
cludes that it belongs to the glacial
period.
Conkling as an e,litor-midnight
Enter galley-slinger, speaking-"Mr.
Conking, the foreman says faint no
use to try to get out first edition till
you give him something to close up
that editorial page with" Editor COnk-
ling-"Tell the fellow | viii attend to
my business if he will attend to his.
There is no copy just nc ", sirrah. The
shadows murmur while the deeps are
dumb" Exit galley singer, and no
first edition catches the train that A.
NJ. Louisville Courier Journal
Taken down button A Clergyman
at the Worcester A ssizes, in the trial of
a case that related to the sou ..dness ofa
horse, was asked by a beating
barrister : "Pray, sir, do you know
he difference between a horse and
COW ?" 81 knO sir" was the reply,
''the difference between bull and Il
bully. The one has horns and the
other (with n bow to the DarristeI),
luckily for me, has none"
Love in tears He came to bid her
good. bye and found her weeping.
"Cheer up, darling" he said tenderly,
feeling for her eyes with his pocket
"Cheer up ; I'm only
going to be absent for a week." "But
/ can't cheer up" sobbed the disconso-
ate ma den, with a fresh yank at her
,ear pump. "Poor little Gyp got into
light with another dog to-day and he's
lcarly chcwed up."-Brooklyn Eagle.
True politeness Nobody can sur
PASS the average country aphothecary
or truly accommodating spirit and
genuine politeness. "Can you give me
postage stamp ?" asked young lady
If the pharmacy tiend. "No," he re-
,led, bending his body at a Chester
ieldian angle and smiling seductively !
t the fair applicant. 81 can't give you
postage stamp, but l can sell you I
or court plaster"
A whale and several sharks have ap-
'eared in New York harbor, and now
IL that is wanted to make that city !
eading summer resort is tho advent of
he sea serpent. And the sea serpent
would have appeared ere this If the