Middletown transcript., 1881-09-09
A FRONTIER INCIDENT.

Calamity is the name of man who
lives at the gold camp of Cummins
City. He has another name, but no
body seems to know what it is. 1t has
been torn off the wrapper someway,
and so the boys call him Calamity.
He is a man of singular mind and
eccentric construction. The most no.
ticeable feature about Calamity is his
superstitious dread of muscular activ-
ity. Some people will not tackle any
kind of business enterprise on Friday.
Calamity is even more the victim of
this vague superstition, and has dread
of beginning work on any day of the
week, for fear that some disaster may
befall him.
Last spring he had little domestic
trouble, and his wife made complaints
that Calamity had worn ont an old
long-handle shovel on her, trying to
/ convince her about some abstruse the
ory of his.
The testimony seemed rather against
Calamity, and the miners told him that
as soon as they got over the rush lit
tie and had the leisure they would have
to hang him.
They hoped he would take advantage
of the hurry of business and go away,
because they didn It want to hang him
so early in the season. But Calamity
didn't want to go away. He stayed
because it was easier to stay than it
was to go. He did not, of course, pine
for the notoriety of being the first man
hung in the young camp, but rather
than pull up stakes and move away
from place where there were so many
pleasant associations, he concluded to
stay and meet death calmly in whatever
form he might come.
One evening after the work of the
day was done and the boys had eaten
their suppers, one of them suggested
that it would be good time to hang
Calamity. So they got things in shape
and went down to the Big Laramie
bridge.
Calamity was with them. They got
things ready for the exercises to begin,
and then asked the victim if he had
anything to say. He loosened the rope
around his neck little with one hand,
so that he could speak with more free
dom, and holding his pantaloons on
with the other, he said:
Gentlemen of the convention, l
call you to witness that this public
demonstration toward me is entirely
unsought on my part. I have never
courted notoriety.
plugging along in comparative OBJ
security is good enough for me. This
is the first time I ever addressed an au
dience. That is why L am embarrassed
and i'll at ease.
You have brought me here to hang
me because seemed harsh and severe
with my wife. You have entered the
hallowed presence of my home life and
assumed the prerogatiye of subvert-
ing my household discipline.
cit is well. 1 do not care to live 50
long as my authority is questioned.
You have already changed my submis-
sive wife to an arrogant and self-reliant
woman.
Yesterday l told her to go out and
grease the wagon, and she Strengthened
up to her full height and told me to
grease it myself.
''Ihave always been kind and thought
full to her. When she had to go up
into the gulch in the winter after fire
wood. my coat shielded her from the
storm while l sat alone in the cabin
through the long hours. could name
other instances of unselfshness on my
part, but I will not take up your time.
"She uses my smoking tobacco and
kicks my vertebrae up into my hat on
the most unlocked for occasions. She
does not love me any more and life to
me is only hollow mockery.
'sDeath with its wide waste of eter-
nal calm and its shoreless sea of rest is
A glad relief to me. l go but | leave in
your midst skittish and able bodied
widow who will make Rome howl. /
Dedueath her to this camp. She is
yours. gentlemen. She is all | have to
rive, but in giving her to you | feel
hat my untimely death will always be
ooked upon in this guleh as a dire
calamity.
"The day will come when you will
ook back upon this awful night and
wish that was alive again, but it will
,e too late. 1 will be far away. My
ioul will be in a land where domestic
nfelicity and cold feet can never enter.
BURY me at the foot of Vinegar
Hill, where the sage hen and the fuzzy
,umble bee may gambol DER my lowly
rave"
When Calamity had finished, an inn
,romptu caucus was called, and when
t was adjourned, Calamity went home
% his cabin to surprise his wife. She
lasn't fully recovered from the sur
rise as we go to press.-Biu Nye.
Milton received $25 for :" Paradise
lost. ,, Pope $40. 900 for his translation