Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-03-24
EXAMINING A WITNESS.


Everybody knows Mr.. r. the rather sue
cessful criminal lawyer.of Philadelphia, says
the Mercury, and the peculiar tact with which
he usually succeeds in eliciting the truth from
a witness. He once in while, however, meets
with queer customer, with whom be can do
nothing whatever. Such one turned up
before committing magistrate, on Thursday
last
A Mr.. Doyle was complained of for keep
ing disorderly house in Shipper street.
The complainant engaged R. to attend to
his case and put Doyle through a course Of
sprouts. The first witness examined was
Cornelius O'Neil. We give his examination
by R.
"Do you know the defendant, Doylef'
"Niver man better"
"What kind of house does he keep?"
"a brick house."
II don't mean that; what are its peculiar
ities?"
1.-TWO stories, with a back kitchen that
joins out to McGarry's fence"
"You still misunderstood me; ! wish to
know the reputation of the house. Is it good
or bad 7"
bad lntlrely.
R. called the attention of the Court to
this answer, and desired the magistrate to
take note The magistrate did &c.
"What do you mean when you say the rep
utation of this house is bad ?"
THAT it has the devils own chimney, and
a roof that leaks like seive."
You still misunderstood me, ONeil. Let
US try again. What kind of people visit the
house?'
"Men and women principally; at least
that's the only kind I ever met there"
"Well, what Kind of women are theyY
"Female women, az near as could Judge"
"Well, what is their character ?"
"Only one of them has the article"
"The Court will please note that. Only
one of the females has a character. And
which one is that?"
"A young lady by the name of McShane."
"She, you think, has character?"
think! l know it. I saw it on Mon
day."
"Her character. 1t was written by Father
Daley with good pen."
"You still persist in misunderstanding me.
Let US try once more. Have you ever seen
women of the town at Doyle's?'
mo, sir, not from the town, but q raft of
them from the country"
"By women Of the town, O'Neil, I mean
common, vicious women"
"What do yesay?"
81 say bad women. Have you sver seen
such women drinking and dancing at
Doyle's~
"Ah! musba! listen to that An is it the
likes Of Doyle that would allow such people
to misuse his shop? By the powers of Crom.
we'll, if his boy Mick was here, but he'd
twist yer nose till ye could use it for a GIN.
let !"
"Arrah go away wild ye blackguard, to
say that of dacint men. If it were not for
molestin' the Court, I'd peel me coat and
make founder of you in less time than q
donkey can eat thistle!"
Here O'Neil became so excited, that R.
told him he could stand aside to make room
for the next witness.
The trial resulted in verdict Of acquittal.
JEST KIND o. WENT AwAY.-"Good morn
ing Reuben"
Morning. Squire fine day for the crops !"
"Yes, but what is the matter with your
face, Reuben You have had fight fam
cy."
"Why yer see, Squire, me and Jim Hook
ins, we had an old grudge and last night we
fit it out.
"And which whipped, Reuben?"
"Well, Squire, we fit considerable"
eyes, yes, know but which whipped ?"
"Well, Squire, we fit considerable, and"
Reuben, l suspect you ramp
run! I'd rather die"
"Well, how did it result then ?"
"Well, Squire, Jim he 6t strong, and 1
was down good mornin' Squire there's that
COW ag'in."
"Well, what the deuce did you do, you
unexplaining, Joseph coat-faced individual !;
what did you do?"
"Well, didn't rua, Squire" said Reuben
sulkily; Il jest kind o went away"
IA "Wbat did your mother say, my little
man? Did you i've her my card ?" asked
an inexperienced young gentleman of lit.
tie boy whose mother had given him an invi-
tation to call upon her, and whose street
door was accordingly opened to his untimely
summons by the urchin aforesaid. D.
"Yes, sir" quoth urchin, quite innscent-
ly, "and mother said, if you were meta
natural born fool, you wouldn't come on
Monday mornin' when every body was
washin'w
At this juncture mamma, with sweet
smile of welcome, made her appearance at
the end of the hall, when to her surprise Mr..
Verysopht, the visitor, bolted
"What in the world does the man mean p
inquired ma
Il dunno" replied the urchin; "guess he's
forgot suthin'."
ba% Said old Mrs. Philanthrophy the other
day, accosting precocious urchin in the
street, with wardrobe remarkable for its
ventilating advantage, "Bubby, why don't
you 90 home and have your mother sew up
that awful hole in your trowsers
"Oh, you git out, old 'oman," was the re-
spectful reply, "our folks are eeonomizing
a hole will last longer than patch any day"
"The old ladys honest sympathy was
wasted, while the youngster beat hasty re-
freat aronnd the corner disnjayinp q flag of