The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-06-08
FLOATING FANOIEs.
7beIily now is blowing sweet and pale,
The weather's getting lovely for 8 sail,
And in lust a month or SO,
When the oleanders blow,
The dog viii have a kettle On his tail

When the Ole2nQerS dow, @@@
The dog viii have a kettle on his tail
Delilah was the first female barber, and
got Samson where the hair was short.
Once they started a girls seminary in Utah.
1t 1ourished well but just in the hight of its
prosperity the principal eloped with the
whole school.
Some females have just been arrested in
Kentucky for the manufacture of illicit
whisky. This is the first recorded instance
Of a woman keeping still.
Falstaf asks, "What's honor 2" az though
it was hard to tell. But let one woman SIT
behind another in church and she WILL tell
what's on her in less than two minutes.
The editor Of the Hackensack Republican,
went to call on his girl, when he saw on the
front steps O sign which said, beware OF
the paint" He went away signing, II never
before knew that she painted"
4 lady engaged to be married, and getting
sick of her bargain, applied to a friend to
help her unite the knot before it was too late.
"Oh, certainly" she replied. 1T is very
easy to unite it now while it is only q beau
knot"
The following letter was received by an
undertaken recently from an afflicted widow
er: "Sur-my wait is ded and wcnts to be
herried tomorrow at Woner klock. y nose
waire to dig the hole-by the siad Of my two
other Waifs-let it be deep"
MA" exclaimed the boy, gazing down in
to the back yard, where the young lady next
door WAS talking to his sister, ''come and
look al the bonfire" She came and looked,
and then exclaimed: 'My SOD, that isn't a
bonfire that's g spring bonnet"
The new girl had only been with them two
weeks when she came to say that she was 60
ing away.
"Why z" asked the lady.
'The place does not please me-
"Again, why p
"Wel1, monsieur is altogether too cold"
She had beautiful diploma tied with pink
ribbon from one Of our best young ladies'
colleges, In g conversation with a daring
and courageous young man, after he had de-
tailed the dangers and delights Of riding on
the locomotive, she completely upset his
opinion Of independent education of the
sexes by inquiring: "How do they steer
locomotives, anyhow ?"
Pretty little prattler (after the wedding
breakfast-departure of the happy pair)-
"Why do they throw things at the pretty lady
IN the carriage2 z" Young lady-'For luck,
dear" Child-"And why doesn't she throw
them back" young lady-''Oh, that
would be rude" Child (promptly)-"No, it
would not. Ma does!" Pleasant for ma
and pa-Who overhear, and know that others
OYerhear also. @ wM@ ""M~"
At the dance, the other evening he was in
troduced to d very becoming miss. and so, Of
course, was doing his best to merit his good
luck. Feeling q sudden indisposition, he ex-
cused himself for q minute, and, on return
ing, was in the act Of removing @ few kernels
Of coffee from his vest pocket, when the
damsel astonished him by saying: Don't
chew that | had rather smell the straight
whisky" He didn't apologize.
Eyes" observed a friend the other even
ing, she certainly is very highly cultivated.
She is very stylish, plays well, sings well and
talks well dances well, rides well, and sue
ceeds admirably in private theatricals. In
fact" he added, "ehe's just the kind of q girl
you'd like one Of your friends to marry"
'Then you wouldn't care to marry her ?"
suggested Causeur.
"By no means, my dear fellow. What |
am looking for is q real nice girl"
"No sir no man shall ever kiss me except
my future husband, she said, as he was
about leaving her at the front gate.
Suppose / agree to be your future"
""Why, then I'll kiss you" she replied,
eagerly, and she did.
Her mother was informed that he had pro-
posed, and the old lady called around the
next day to fasten matters, and before he
knew it he was e~ternally booked. 1t was q
mean advantage, but q bird in hand is worth
two at the front gate.