The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-08-02
"Gin Mary the Shake"

Some time ago, Detroit, produce
buyer had occasion to remain over night
with farmer in Western Michigan.
While eating supper he was asked if he
knew much about law-whether he had
ever served on jury: if he called HIM
self competent man to arbitrate in an
affair between neighbors, and if he was
posted on the law regarding breach Of
promise cases. He answered these
questions as best as he could, and ap-
parently to the satisfaction of the farm
er, for as soon rs the meal was finished
the sun-browned agriculturlst contiden-
TALLY began:
II think you are pretty square man,
and l want you to help mo out of little
difficulty. I'll be back in about half al
hour"
He put on his hat and went down the
road, and at the time agreed upon he re-
turned in company with young farmer
about twenty-five years old, whom he
called Josephus. The only peculiar
things about Joscphus were his 'fiaxen
hair, long legs, white eyebrows nhd
breadth of feet, but he was no mud-sill.
AS soon as he was introduced he opened
the case as follows:
'"There hain't no use in any beating
around tho bush. The fact is, when 1
first come here, fell in love with Uncle
Siles Mary. She riciprocated, and we
agreed to have each other. That's cor
rect, isn't it, Uucle Sile?"
81 guess that's about the way of it,
replied the farmer.
oval, to make long story short,
last Jinuary I gin Mary the cold shake
fur gal over in the Bebee Settlement.
Mary is good gal,. but she hain't even
second fiddle on style OF good looks, and
Uncle Sile knows that as we'll rs 1 do.
Now, then, they've been talking about Il
breach Of promise suit Oh me, and L
won't deny they've got a case. I've been
willing all along to settle damages on a
fair basis, but we couldn't just agree Oh
what was fair. Uncle Silas comes over
and says you are here, and he offers to
leave it out to you if / will, and so if you
will act OH the case. We'll come to some
conclusion"
"Where is Mary ?" asked the Detroit
CT.
"Down in Martin county, Indiana"
answered the father.
"And shc wlites home," added Jose
phus, "that she's had nine offers of mar
riage in two weeks. Them Hoosiers is
just swarming for her. Them nine offers
want to. be considered in assessing dam
ages."i
.'And how old is she ?"
''She's only twenty one, and that's an-
other thing to be considered. 'Tain't
like as if she was forty, and might have
to go off to China, rs a missionary.
"And how much property are you
worth ?"
"Wall, I've forty acres of scrub land,
an old COW and mule, and reckon the
traps around the place might bring $40
nt nuotion. That'o honest Tnjm. and
Uncle Sile knows it.
"Ycs, that's about the way he's fixed, !"
said the farmer.
"And another thing you want to con-
slider is the fact that amt purity. If [
was purity the gnl might claim high dam
ages, but I'm about as internal homely
as Digger Injun. Add to this the fact
that am intidel, and that can't sing,
nor fiddle, nor dance, and am too lazy to
enjoy billed dinner, and what has the
gal lost by not marrying me?"
"And you are both willing to leave it
to me?
''I reckon" they answered together.
"Well, NIL things considered, !" said tho
Detroiter after due reflection, "my ver-
dict is that Josephus drive the old COW
over here in full for NIL damages. What
do you say, young man?"
'"rhe cow is worth $14, but I'll do it
rather than have any hard feelings"
GLOW is it with you. Uncle Silc %
'Waal, I guess that's about fair. L
had been sticking out for $15 in cash,
but times are purity clus and I want to
give Joe a fair show. Con git the crit
made o"t ea tine @ stranger Go o TO hard br e cer
md go to bed fcelin' that we are good
friends as before you gin Mary the
shake"