The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-09-02
WHY WE LAUGH.

q corner 0ne.--H1 and Weldon.
The Sandwich Islands should be perfect
paradise for the American tramp.--Detroit
Free Press.
When the Arab has stolen everything else
in sight he quietly folds his tent and steals
away.--Picaytme.
When the Emperor of Russia yawns those
about him look in awe upon the wonderful
Czar-chasm which he displays.
Now is the time when the poor newspaper
man gets chance to handle a cool million
"a cool watermillion.-Ierds Syttngs.
A new song Is entitled " Between the
Green Corn and the Gold" It. should be
sung in husky voice.-Lo,oeH Citizen.
Up in Middlesex county it is so quiet that
train OF thought can be felt to jar the whole
trestlcwork of the vicinity.-Ne,o HdUen
Register.
When New Orleans man wanted his pic
ture In heroic attitude the artist painted
him in the act Of refusing 10 drink.-BOst0h
Transcript.
Little Johnny-toy pis.ol-bib! boom!--
doctor-lock jaw-under the willows-pisto.
carefully laid away for the next.--Detroit
Free Press.
On account of the unsuccessful season at
the seaside resorts, the hotel proprietors
there will stick to the unrevised edition.
Norristorn Herald.
A little girl in . London Sunday school,
on being asked why God made the flowers Of
the field, replied: "Please, ma'am, 1 sup
pose or patterns for artificial flowers.
Letters intended for Hackensack, n. j., 60
to Sackerhack,"" )" Sock Hat" "Sara Hack
ett" and "Hatchet Satch.' Why didn't
they name the town Smithville In the first
place?
Billy the Kid was born in New York.
Had he remained there he might have been
a member of the last Legislature. 1t was
Billy's ambition to be considered as bad as
possible.-Boston Post.
"Is Mrs. Shoddie rich ?" asked street boy
of his chum. "Richw exclaimed the other,
contemptuously, "yer talking, young feller |;
rich 7" he repeated, saint her mouth full of
gold ?"-Boston Transcript.
OF the 1,40O doctors in Philadelphia, 400
make good living, zoo lay up something,
and 100 are well off. The rest of the crowd
simply hang on and wish to gracious they
had learned 10 run o saw mill.
An "Indian idol" was recently ploughed
up in Woodbury., and they don't know
whether II is a god or a devil If 1t has a
handle on and holds about two gallons 1t Is
Woodbury. god.-Cdaddn Netcs.
Crabs, it seems, are growing less plentiful
year by year, and yet young gentlemen at
the seaside resorts appear to be catching
them with praiseworthy frequency and reg
ularity.-Nep York Commercial advertiser.
A man killed heifer In Baltimore,
But found the mnat's favor to alter more
Than suited his mother,
SO when dressing another,
He said 'twould he better to salt her more.
Kingston Freeman.
Little Lucy fell and hurt her knee badly
which her mother, when she went to bed in
the dark, tried 10 bandage. Soon the little
one was heard calling: "Mamma, this
bandage is not in the right place. fell down
higher up"
Professor Bell claims that he has succeed
ed in inventing a machine that will locate a
bullet In the human body. He needn't
think that's anything new. Almost every
man in Denver totes such an instrument
Boston Post.
Beaconsfield's novel, " Endymion," is now
Why the price keeps so high Is not explain
ed. Endymion is very heavy and two
cents pound ought to yield a handsome
proft.-Norristou Herald.
al fear" said a country curate to his flock,
"when l explained to you in my last charity
sermon that philanthropy was the love of
our species, you must have misunderstood
me to say 'specie,' which may account for
the smallness of the collection"
al see," said Fogg to a manufacturer,
tS a., hal D;pfv Uan 10 onli hu all
spectacle grocers. Now, who are the re-
spect able grocers ?" "The grocers who sell
my baking powder, of course" replied the
manufacturer.-BostOn Transcript.
The New York Herald is of the opinion
that tramps ought to be put to some hard
work. If 1t were not too hard, they might
be put 20 work finding the point In some of
the jokes In the "Personal Intelligence
column of the Herald.--Texas Siftings.
"My brethren" said Western minister,
"the preaching of the gospel to some people
Is like pouring water over q sponge-it
soaks in and stays. To others 1t Is like
blowing through q chicken-coop. My ex-
periepce of this congregation is that it con-
tains more chicken-coops than sponges."
A farmer near Ann Harbor sent the fol-
lowing postal card message to q merchant
In that city: "Plees send me by the first one
cumin thiss way too pounds shoogur, a
blackin brush, five pounds coffey and some
little nails. My wife had baby last mite
and two padlocks." Could these latter be
called triplets ?--Free Press.
A tub race at Atlantic City the other day
drew q crowd of 5000 persons. The people
didn't care so mnch about the race, but the
sight of washtub was quite revelation to
most of them. Several young ladies were
quite enthusiastic in their expressions Of de-
light, one of them remarking that the wash
tubs rugged, unassnming beauty was quite
too overpowering for idle words.-Boston
Transcript.