The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-05-14
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


A robbers cave-A burglars confession.
Dorsey carried Indiana-Now will the repuhli-
can party carry Dorsey
The young man that rams often after sherry
eobbler will never get his shoes mended.
San Francisco court has decided that man
has no right to whip his wfc--after he Is dvorc.
ed from her.
Decisions in lawsuits are rendered the same as
ard is rendered-by tryiAg-Lo,@H Court"
Noah was pretty muscular sort OF fellow.
On one occasion he even went so far as to pitch
the art.
A flyls said to have 1000 eyes. No wonder
he is careless as to where he leaves his specs.
Malone appeared the other day in white
breeches He had become too large for his other
air.-CoWier-JOu,ndt.
Sympathy is always given to the under straw.
berry in a box. 1t is generally little thing, if
the fruit-dealer knows himself
az shall take the responsibility sir!' said Gar
field to Conkling. "No doubt-no doubt" said
Roscoe; ''after taking those 1929, you'll take
anything"
When Beecher said Dorsey as an organizer
was suDllut, Hc Itlcl " IoIit''di N""
paigns or star routes:
The Chicago Tribune speaks OF "the stand
taken by Malone" What became OF the rest OF
the furniture does not appear. -cou'1cr.Jo Journal.
Noah sent the dove out to bring the green
back but he wasn't the only man that has been
fooled on paper money-Aao'd Ne'cS
The Philadelphia who resolved to starve him.
.l.;.n AZ.
the surest way, to engage board at a watering
place and never fee the waiter,
"Brazen but Brainlcss-The Pyramdal Assur-
snce Of the Fat.witted billiards IN Session at
Springfield" is one of the pleasant headings
that appear in city daily above the reported pro
ceed!ngs OF the Illinois Legislature.
Over in Iowa they have egg socials." The
occasion is celebrated with eggs. When man
aged up to the handle the older people indulge
in flip, nogg and milk punch, while the young
people dance and scramble" for their partners.
1t Is said that "Italy has Il surplus Of 1900
lires. She might send few over here to edit
republican organs."-E1 No need Of 1t. The
republican party has Il surplus now OF a million.
The democrats need about u million to catch up.
Col Fred Grant has resigned his position IN
scheme. 1t is hoped that no foreign power will
take advantage Of this serious break in our lines
Of national defense !-FIeemom HeraM.
Sing a song of senator's,
Stomachs full OF rye,
Seven-and thirty stalwarts
Feeling pretty dry
When their mouths were opened
Each began to groan:
Wont the democrats be happy
Now they've squelched Mahonew
National Republican,.
Ills thought the revised Bible will mention
the broad road as Il star-route.
The mcanest man in the country lives in Mis-.
souri,. lie pleaded in breach Of promise suit
that contract made on Sunday night was not
binding.
When yesterday asked you, love,
One little word to say,
Your brother interrupted us,
SO please say yesterday.
When going TO bed people should be taught to
pull down the blinds. Out at Lincoln, Nebraska.
one OF the coolest nights last winter, the entire
FIRE department. was forced out to find that the
alarm was occabioncd by the reflection Of a fire
place on an old maid who was going to bed in a
suit OF red flannel underwear.
that God would give the members more wisdom
and greater promptitude." The Maine chaplain,
daring the recent deadlock, cried out: 90 Lord!
have compassion on our bcwildered representa-
tives and senators. They have been sitting and
sitting, and have Matched nothing. o Lord! let
them arise from their nest and 90 home, and all
the praise shall be thine" The Pennsylvania
chaplain recently prayed: Give these aw-mak.
ers, o God, more brains-more bra!ns-more
bransm
Tell me, we winged winds,
That round my pathway roar,
That chatter at the blinds
And make a critter swore,
Know ye no peaceful dell,
No valley In the west,
No spot this side Orwell
The place we hate the best,
No nook nor Granny small,
No matter where It's at,
That won't reveal at all
The horrid, hideous hat
The mammoth wreck nf fuzzy plush
With which the modern maid doth gushy
The loud wind answers like n soul iorsOok,
young man, we reckon there is no such nook. "
--StciHburnC.
And now they have a woman at Battle Creek,
Mich, who has been kept alive since last Octo.
Der by bathing her feet in beet tea and milk Is
unable to take any food into her stomach but
absorbs sustenance through the pores Of the
skin, and satisfies her hunger in that way.
There's one advantage in this. person loses
all fear OF trichina, and needn't trouble himself
about cleanliness in cooking. Besides, this
method Of eating does away with dyspepsia and
all diseases Of the stomach. What does man
care about his gastric juice when he can take of
his boots and eat soup with his feet? Improve
ments are the rage In everything. -EJ.
THE CAws OF DAWES.
Twas in Mississippi State
No! ! mean in louisiana
Ia Utah now he lives
Or, perhaps, in Indiana.
lie was nearly killed last week
BY the democrats, you know
Or when Warmoth ruled the roost
dozen years ago;
TheY burned his stately mill