Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1881-10-22
They Called Him Calamity.

BUT He SAVED HIS LIFE IN AN EMERGENCY BY AN
ELOQUENT GRAFTON.
Laramie Boomerang.
Calamity is the name of man who lives at
the gold camp of Cummins City. He has
another name, but nobody seems to know what
it is. 1t has been torn Off the wrapper some
way, and so the boys call him Calamity. He is
man of singular mind and eccentric construc-
ton. The most noticeable feature about Cal
amty is his superstitious dread of muscular &C
tivity. Some people viii not tackle any kind of
business enterprise on Friday. Calamity is even
more the victim OF vague superstition, and has
dread OF beginning work on any day of the
week, for fear some disaster may befal him.
Last spring he had little domestic trouble,
and his wife made complaint that Calamity
had worn out an old lOng-handle shovel on her,
trying to convince her about some abstruse
theory of his The testimony seemed rather
against Calamity; and the miners told him that
as soon as they got over the rush d little, and
had the leisure, they would have to hang him.
They hoped he would take advantage of the
hurry OF business and go away, because they
didn't want to hang him so early in the season.
But Calamity didn't go away. He stayed be-
cause it was easier to stay than to 60. He
did not, of course, pine for the nOtOriety of
being the first man hung in the young camp,
but rather than pull up stakes and move away
from place where there were SO many pleas
meet death calmly. in whatever form it might
come. One evening. after the work Of the day
was done. and the boys had eaten their suppers,
one of them suggested that itwould be good
time to hang Calamity. So they got things in
shape, and went down to the Big Lamarie
bridge. Calamity was with them. They got
things ready for the exercises to begin and then
asked the victim if he had anything to say. He
loosened the rope around hfs neck little with
one hand SO that he could speak with more
nantal pxxfh
the other, said "Gentlemen Of the convention,
call you to witness that this public demonstra-
ton towards me is entirely unsought on my part.
have never courted nOtoriety. Plugging along
IN comparative Obscurty is good enough for
me. This is the first time I ever addressed an
audience. That is why am embarrassed and ill
| at ease. You have brought me here to hang me
because l seemed harsh and severe with nv
wife. You have entered the hallOwed presence
of my home life and assumed the prerogative of
subverting my household discipline. It is we'll
do not care to live SO long as my authority is
questioned You will have already changed
my submissive wife to an arrogant and self
reliant woman. Yesterday 1 told her to
go out and grease the wagon. and she
Strengthened up to her full height and told me
to go and grease it myself l have always been
kind and thoughtful to her. When she had to go I'D
into the gulch in the winter after firewood, my
coat shielded her from the storm while / sat
alone in the cabin through the long hours. /
could name other instances of unselfishness on
my part, but will not take up your time She
uses my smoking tobacco and kicks my verte-
Dre up into my hat on the most unlocked for
| occasions. She does not love me any more.
and life to me is only hollow mockery.
Death, with its wide waste of eternal calm
and It's shoreless sea of rest, is glad relief to
me- go, but l leave in your midst skttish
and able,bodied widow, who will make Rome
howl. bequeath her to this camp She is
yours, gentlemen. She is all have to give. but
In giving her to you feel that my untimely
death will always be looked upon in.this guleh
as dire calamity. The day will come when
you will look back upon this awful night and
wish that was alive again, but it will be too
late; will be far away. My soul will be in a
land where domestic infelicity and cold feet can
never enter Bury me at the foot of Vinegar
Hill, where the sage hen and the fuzzy humble
bee may gambol Ger my 1owly grave"
when Calamity had finished an impromptu
caucus was called. When it was adjourned
Calamity went home to his cabin to surprise his
She has not yet fully recovered from her sur