The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1881-03-25

CONFEDRIT x ROADS,
witch is the State Nv Kentucky
March 4, 1881.
The Yoonited States is no place for a
Dimocrat any more. A Radikel gen.
eral sets in the presidenshel chair, and
a Radikel congris controls the destinies
Of the nashen. This cOngris hez a
feendish delite in tearing open the
wounds that time shOOd hev heeled.
It will do nothin to consulate the suf-
fern South. 1t will refOose to pass ap-
propriashens for our creeks in the South.
It won't levee the Mississippi, it won't
build a custOm-hOuse at pOst-otfis at the
Corners, and, to cap the climax, it
refooses to pay $40, 900 for the papers Nv
every Confedrit general witch is hard
up, and to whom $4,000 would be a
blessm.
For me ther amt no chance watever.
The niger Lubbock, will continyOO in
the postOffis, and Bigler and Pollock
will controle the collectOrship. I am
left out in the cold for four yeers, and
by that time a postOffis wood be a
superiority. for in 1855 shell be wher
are fire-proof bags to carry it in. And
to make it worse, Hancock won't send
me cent, and English won't even
anser my letters appeelin for aid.
The Corners held meetin to deter
mine wat wuz to be done with me. It
wuz desided that the burdin Nv earn
for me wuz to heavy to be borne longer,
and suthin must be done to case EN-
up.
A keerful estimate showed that I
owed in round numbers suthin over
$4,000, witch wuz that much ded loss.
BascOm swore sollum oath that he
wood never give credit for dollar
more to me, and that settled it. I
didn't care wat they did with me after
that.
The prevailin disposishun NV the
people wuz to take me out quietly, and
kill me; but that wuZ Overruled. 1t
wuZ desided that eff wuz permitted to
live suthin might turn up to enable me
to pay suthin ON the indebtedness,
whereas, eff / wuz wunst ded all hope
wuz gone.
So theydecided that I shood live, but
that must leave the Corners. sed,
"All rite; but how am I to leave? /
hev no money, and absolOotly decline
to walk; and when I am gone wat am
I to live OH? These questions must be
answered, or decline to go. Eff I hev
to die mite ez we'll die here and save
the worry Nv packin my Handkerchief
with my other shirt"
Then arose a long and tejus discus
sion. Deekin Pogram remarkt that his
dawter Mirandy told him that the
Greeshuns he'd habit Nv maxim ther
Helots drunk so ez to impress onto the
minds Nv Their sons the horrors Nv in
temperance. "Why," said the Deekin,
"shoodent we send theparson to Greese,
and put him into the Helot biznis?"
To this 1 eagerly asentid. I wuz
willin to go. Eff they wanted healthy
Helot to illustrate the evils NV intern
pranse, I wuZ the man, and to relieve
ther minds I wood say in this case
salery wood be no objick, stiddy sit
ooashen bein all that l wood reqwire.
/ he'd no doubt Nv being able to satisfy
the Athenianz in this pertikeler. Eff
the average Athenian shOOd see me
when wuz RELY full Nv coffin varnish,
I don't think he wood ever vencher to
partake of the fQoin bole. Raise the
money for the passage, and consider ME
a HelOt for the remainder NV my life.
1t is singler wat luck some men hev.
Why WIZ not born HelOt? Think
Nv it. TO not only hev yoor ikker
furnisht free, but itrally poured down
your throte.
This dreem Nv bliss wuZ rOOdly dis
turbed by Capt. M'Pelter. He sed tibet
ther wuz no question eZ to my capassity
for the HelOt bisnis, but the Athenians
wuZn't doing that sort Nv thing now.
Wat Mirandy POgram referred to wuz
practist some thousand of yeers ago,
but st present the Athenians got on
without Helots, and illustrated the
evils of rum in ther own persons. The
custom wuz an ancient, not modern
Wun.
Issaker Gavitt perposed that shood
be sent to Moo York, but Bascom per-
sent me to Moo York twict, but that it
wuz no good. allus cum back. Ded-
he'd passes could be procured too easy,
and if them wuZ Onattainablc, man
Good walk from Moo York to Kentucky.
No, eff we wuz to be relieved from this
burden send him fur enuff away SO
that q return wood be impossible. He
wood prefer to send me to fife the
Booers in South Africa, but he mite
compromise on hevin me across the
Atlantic. Eff he contributed to hevin
me sent abroad he shOod insist that it
be fur enuff to perclood the possibility
of return.
1t wuz FINELY agreed that I shood
hev asteerage passage to Liverpool and
$40 on witch to live till I Good establish
myself.
Therefore, I shell 60 to Europe. I
am not displeased with the prospect.
There is no yoOse Nv my remaining
here, for there is nothin in this kentry
for me. Ez I sed, the postoffis is hope
lis, and there is no OpportoOnity for
else. I shOod only be enabled
to live here by the chance charity NV
and SIGH contribooshens ez
mite be able to levy on them ez didn't
know me.
Their is field for me in the Old |
World. kin turn to be Irish patriot, |
and kin make a decent Twin by agitatin |
the wrongs of Ireland in Paris. shell |
announse myself a agitator, and shell
appeal to the Irish in Ameriky for |
means to start Skirmishin Fund. 1 |
shell not jine the regler agitators, SIGH