The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-12-14
LADY PHYSICIANS.
why HI win Never Do 40 gatE Them for
q Very Sick NSssE.
P-ck's Sun.

4 st. Louis doctor factory recently turned
out q dozen female doctors. AS long as the
female doctors were confined to one or two
in the whole country, and those were only
experimental, we held our peace, and did not
complain; but now that the colleges ere
engaged in producing female doctors as q
business, we must protest, and in SO doing
will give a few reasons why female doctors
will not prove q paying branch Of industry.
In the first place, it they doctor anybody it
must be women, and three-tourths Of the
women would rather have a male doctor.
Suppose those colleges turn out female doc.
tors until there are as many Of them as there
are male doctors, what have they got TO prac-
tice on? A man, if there was nothing the
matter with him, might call in q female doc
lor, but if he was sick as a horse (if q man is
sick he is as sick as a horse) the last thing he
would nave around would be a female doc
tor. And why? Because, when 8 man has
a female fumbling around him be wants to
feel we'll. He don't went to be bilious or
feverish, with his mouth tasting like cheese
and bis eyes bloodshot, when the female is
looking over him and taking account Of
stock. Of course these female doctors are
all young and good looking, and If one Of
them came into q sick room where q man
was il bed and he he'd chills, and was as cold
as d wedge, and she should sit up close to the
side OF the bed and take hold Of bis hand,
his pulse would run up to $50, and she would
prescribe for a fever when he had chilblains.
man who has been sick and had male doctors
knows just how much be would feel to have
q female doctor come tripping 10 and throw
her tur-lined cloak over a chair, take off her
hat end gloves and throw them on a lounge,
and come up to the bed with a pair OF marine
blue eyes, with q twinkle il the corner, and
look him in the wild, changeable eyes, and
ask him 10 run out his tongue. Suppose he
knew bis tongue was coated SO it looked like
q yellow Turkish towel, do you suppose. be
would want to run out five or six inches of
the lower part of it and let that female doc
tor put her finger Or it 70 see how fur it was.
He would put that tongue up into his cheek
and wouldn't let her see il for IS cents adj
mission.
We have all seen doctors put their hands
under the bed clothes and feel Of a mans
feet to see il they were cold. It a female
doctor should do that it would give q man
cramp il the legs. A male doctor can put
bis hand on q mans stomach. and liver, and
lungs, and ask him it he feels any pain
there. but il q female doctor should do the
same thing it would make a man sick, and he
employing a female doctor. Oh, there is no
use talking, it would kill q man. Now, sup
pose q man has heart disease, and 8 female
doctor should want to listen to the beating OF
his heart. She would lay her left ear on bis
left breast, so her eyes and rosebud mouth
would be looking right in bis face, and her
wavy hair would be scattered all around
there, getting tangled il The buttons Of his
night shirt. Don't you suppose his heart
would get in about twenty extra beats to the
minnie? You beii And she would smile
We will bet $40 she would smile-and show
her pearly teeth. and the ripe lips would be
working as though she were counting the
heats. and be would think she was trying 10
whisper To Lin. and. Well. It he was
not dead yet, which would be 9 wonder, Dis
left hand would brush the hair away from
har temple and kind Of stay there to keep the
hair away. and bis right hand would get sort
af nervous and move around to the back Of
her head, and Whtn she had counted the
heart beats 8 few minutes and was raising !