Clearfield Republican. [volume] (Clearfield, Pa.) 1851-1937, 1881-07-13
DYSPEPSIA IN POLITICS.

anu oSiVlV tuc pOHllVW NVhN'hhohi
have begun their sessions, IN this glor
ous season of the roses, when the young
college graduate feels what he thinks
are his ideas beginning to shoot, anc
the mythical strawberry short cake
crowns the festive board, q strange anC
serious illness seizes upon sundry
classes of our most estlmable citizens
1t is not hay-fever, for it is not rura
inconvenience at all-thc country peo
pie are too busy TO spare time for it,
it is not malaria, though affecting
many of lhcsymptoms OF that depress
ing and insidious disease in fact, i
may be classified nearest under th,
epithet Of political sea.sckness." A
old sailors are most subject to mai d
mer, unless they constantly tread th,
deck, so political old stagers, who hav'
been long retired from office, or havI
never been able to got in, are mos
subject to the functional disorder indi
Gated above, and which is really "po
Iitical dyspepsia"
This distressing malady is seldom
iatal-though it sometimes leads to po
htical suicide-but it is characterized
by many painful and mysterious symp
toms. The patient suffers often from
visitations Of the demon of despair; b,
falls into sort OF green and yellow
melancholy, with au atrabiliary ex
cess which suffuses his blood anC
tinges his countenance the milk o
human kindness is squeezed out of hin
and its place taken in his system by
verjuice. He looks about him upor
the world and everything is bad ever
the most charming and smiling scenes
of thrift, economy, beaming sunshine
and prosperity, seem to his jaundiceC
eye to be wrapped in fog and doubt
fallen toward decadence, green with
the moss and lichens of decay, blue
moled and rotten. This is merely the
victims own dyspepsia, which he trans,
iers to the world around him. All that
he gazes upon takes this same jaun
diced hue. Institutions seem totter.
ing down to their ruin; policies and
platforms are besmirchod; characters
degenerate, and our friend becomes O
pessimist IN his philosophy, an agnos.
tic in his religion, ldudator temporis
dcti in his politics, bore TO his asso,
ciates and nuisance to himself.
The causes of this distressing state
of body and of mind have been fully
diagnosised by the doctors in social
phenomena. They may be summed
up in single work, boulimia, Or an un.
natural and depraved appetite for
office This distressing and almost
always incurlble malady seizes upon
two classes of victims: those who have
fed upon official pap and grazed upon
the pastures ofsalary so long that their
stomachs refuse to receive any other
sort of food, and those who have stood
so long and so jealously on the outside
of the fence, gazing in and hankering
valnly, that the desire TO enter and
partake has grown to be a mania with
them. These become so uncontrolla.
bic in their appetites that finally they
have been known TO seek to devour
their best friends, all the time honest.
ly persuading themselves that they
were doing On act Of friendship, FL
Dally the carnivorous propensity at
tains such stage that tho dietary
even of Yitollins would not satisfy
them; they do not fatten, but waste
away like Calvin Edison with maras
mus and in this last unhappy stage
the dyspepsia which aillicts them is a;
incurable as elephantiasis, leprosy OF
the political vanity of Roscoe Conk
ling. Some milder cases can be cured
by the administration, for instance
of small and minute doses of that
which is chiefly craved, or by strict
seclusion and occupation in other pur
suits for term of years.
These melancholy cases are not only
to be considered in their effect upor
the individuals Immediately afflicted
but upon tho community likewise. II
is the idiosynorasy of the victim of po
litical dyspepsia to conceit that the
State is going headlong to ruin. The
hobnails on his moral liver he magni
fes into tumors of the body polite
He begins by oonceiving a conspiracy
against himself, to keep him out, and
ends by imagining general conspira.
cy to keep everybody out and to alb.
sorb all the resources of government
into the receptacle Of a single close
corporation. Then he rushes out into
the highways and market-places and
begins TO prophesy, lis eye in fine
frenzy rolling and the froth of poetic
inspiration decking his lips. There he
meets two or three moro Of tho same
opinion as himself, afflicted with the
same disease, They put their heads TO.
gcther and form party, and finally,
followed by derisive crowds OF people
curious to see what they will do, retire
among the tombs in some country Of
the GadaTenes and fling stones at every
passerby.-BdltimOre Gazette
60
TnE WAsHINGToS MoNUMENT.-Wo
learn from our exchanges that tho
Washington Monument has reached a
heighth of exactly 200 feet. About
thirty feet have been added since last
Spring, when work was resumed. 1t
is thought that from thirty TO forty
feet more will be added before work
upon it will be suspended next Winter.
When finished the monument will be
b50 feet bigh. Tho President of the