The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-10-05
FLOATING FANOIEs.

He rested his throw upon his hand and
laughed "Three months ago she vowed
she would never. never marry me, and now
she is sueing me for breach Of promise.
There is nothing that strengthens 8 mans
honesty as much as to trust him suspect
him, and you weaken his faith in bimself
and everybody else.
We have seen ladies who were iDsuffera-
bly shocked at the sight of a man in his
ahirt-sleeves when their WI arms were bare
almost to the shoulder I! Woman are strange
creatures.
There was Young maiden, name Rhoda,
Just crazy for ice cream and shoda;
Once when shaking her thirst,
She fell down, and birst!
Not even her folks would have knhoda)
ssParting in such sweet Sorrow, remarked
8 bsld old bachelor 81 he told her GO d night.
~ should SMILE" she remarked, g~lanclng
upon his hairlessness and wondering how he
ever did 1t.
When Methusaleh WIS only 500 years old
his father told him tina If didn't stop smok-
ing vile cigarettes he would die in early man
hood. He didn't stop and he only lived q
few hundred years after that. Boys will be
boys.
4 boy il a country school was reading the
following sentence: "The lighthouse is q
land mark by day and q beacon by night,
and he rendered it thus 1.-The lighthouse
is 8 landlord by day and a deacon by night.
There are two reasons why some people
don't mind their own business. One IS that
they haven't any business and the second
is that they would have no mind to bring to
it if they had. This kind OF humanity is as
common as three meals a day.
A young couple have just begun house
keeping and wish to engage 9 maid-of-all-
work. Josephine presents herself. After
detailing the duties required, the lady Of the
house remarks: 'Wel], my good girl, [ think
you will be suited; the work is light and we
have no children" Josephine with a gra-
cious smirk)-'tOh, madam, do not putyour-
self out on my account, | beg. Iadore them
"Why papa" said q girl to her IA
ther as be sauntered into the parlor along in
the night, when she and her Adolphus were
conversing upon the ethics Of the dust and
kindred topics. "Why, papa, what are you
looking for ?" ooh, nothing; I just thought
[ would get up to see the sun rise" Then
the clock struck, and the son rose and van
ished, and the old man went back to bed.
An urchin once got on his muscle,
And with his mamma had a tuscle;
She bent him DER her knee
Aud made it hot for he,
With her slipper applied to his buscle.
Skigg1ns was asked what he thought about
cremation. He said it was all right enough
for those who liked it, and q good many
would use it because it was cheap; but he
did not think it would be good in summer
anyway. Others who wished might expert
ment on such new-fangled notions, but as for
Mrs. s. and himself they would stick to the
old-fashioned butter, no matter what it cost.
a Toronto wife was shot by her husband,
and the doctors told her that she probably
would not recover, but she refused to make
any statement unless they would declare that
she would die beyond a shadow of q doubt.
IF this hurt is going to kill me, she said,
Il don't mind if my husband gets hanged
for it, and Ill furnish all the evidence | can;
If I get we'll / shan't want him sent to prison
for I'd be pretty sure to want to live with
him again"
A big, fat colored women went to the Gal
weston chief Of police and told him that her
stepson had run away, and she wanted 70
know where he was. lit bodders me to
know why be left. He had everything he
needed to make him cumfable. done all
could for him, she observed. HAS he any
marks by which he may be recognized r.
'sWell, | don't reckon all de marks I made
on him with q bedslat, while de old man
was holdin' him was faded out yet
Old Uncle Nose went into Levi schaum-
burg's store on Austin avenue, to buy a silk
handkerchief, but was almost paralyzed on
learning the price. Levi explained that the
high price of silk goods was caused by some
disease among the silk worms. elbow much
does yer ask for dis heah piece oh tape p
''Ten cents" was the reply. "Ten cents !!
Jewhilikins so de tape has riz, toc--I spose
de cause oh dat en-, becase dar's sumin de
matter wild de tape Wums. Dis seems to be
gwine ter be a mighty tough year on wums,
anyhow
-- Comparing S0n-Gn-LssWs.