The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1881-07-12
DAILY INTELLIGENCER,
Tuesday, July IL. 1881.
MARK TWAIN AND THE COMET.

get the opinion of that celebrated anna
teur astronomer. Mr. Samuel Long
horne Clemens. on the new comet, /
visited his house this morning just be-
fore day break. His passionate fond
ness for observing celestial phenomena
is we'll known. l was confiderc that /
should find him at his telescope in the
turret that caps the northeast corner of
his extraordinary mansion. A few WELL
directed pebbles btough; him to the
window. "Hellol" said he, Come up;
but don't wake the baby. Mind the
sixth stair on the second flight; it
creaks q Hades Of falsetto." So say
ing be let down his door key at the
end Of string.
When / resched the turret my
friend was no longer inside. He was
sitting in an open scuttle leading to the
roof. smoking a cigar. With both
hands be grasped long pole. When
it grew lighter / perceived that it was
boat hook. His face had bsggard
look. and his lcug legs hung listles.ly
through the scuttleway. "You look
tired. Mark" said l. Have you been
out ell night
All night said he, with a groan
that consisted of vowel and two con
sonant sounds. All night? This makes
the fourth consecutive night that l
haven't closed half an eye. Its wear
ing on me. This constant responsibility
is undermining my constitution. My
sense OF duty is as strong as the next
mans, but sometimes | feel like letting
go my grip. even if the condemned
planet slides into the revised version of
birthstone. All night? Good night;
Some other nightr
There was degree of evaporation
in his tone which the circumstance
did not seem to warrant. WELL said
|. there's no occasion for anger. No-
body compels you to sit up here in the
malarieus morning atmosphere and
early dew
He looked for a minute as if he was
going to break cut with q torrent of
objurgation. Then he mastered his
wrath aud gazed down upon me with
an expression Of melancholy pity.
The tail of that comet said he. sad.
ly waving the end of his pole toward
the northern sky, SIS, according to my
calculations. a trif1e over forty-two mil
lion miles long; yet it wouldn't reach
more than quarter way through the
skulls of some people that I know. The
reckless ignorance of mankind amazes
me more the older I grow. Why
don't l 60 to bed? Yes. it would be q
perfectly easy and natural thing to 90
to bed. wouldn't it. now? Perhaps l
had better SO to bed And he laughed
derisively.
What in the name of common sense
are you driving at, Clemens,'I de-
manded.
oh, nothing at ALL he replied, with
a sardonic wave of his pole. Nothing
except that while the mad revelry OF
the world goes on below. and the null {.
titude pursues its wonted avocations
precisely as though universal catas.
trophe was not imminent, one solitary
watcher sta up here in his lonely
tower, Drawing danger and mourning
great fatigue. for the sake of his infat-
uated fellow beings There have been
examples of such devotion to duty in
history, but they are rare. and it has
always been left to posterity to recog-
nize them. At the present moment /
fill the post of lookout to the planet,
young man. You'll find set down in
the census the exact number of fellow
citizens whose existence depends upon
my vigilance. That's all I'm driving
at
/ saw now pretty well how things
were with my friend. So. to humor
him, grsvely remarked: L always
knew your philanthropy, Mark. Yet
! must say that this last undertaking
surprises me-
He Immediately became affable and
even confidential. There is O good
deal of the true Christian spirit of self
denial in it, isn't there. now? You see
they are oil wrong about the tail. I've
ciphered on that tail until understand
every inch of 1T. It's absurd to sup.
pose that the tail isn't solid, and pretty
tough, too. Do you imagine that this
comet could 60 bullying through space
at the rate of two hundred miles min
ute without knocking the spots out OF
= tail that was vapor? Tie a fog bank
on to the rear end Of the New York and
Boston o'clock express, start her of
stseven forty miles an hour. and sec
how long your fog bank will travel in
company with your locomotive. Yet
they ask US TO swallow this internal
nonsense about the comets tail. MY
observations of this fellow, and also.of
Coggia's comet, seven years ago, have
convinced sDs that comets tails are fas-
tened on tight. and are of O fibrous and
durable nature. like Hartford beefsteak.
And what what do you propose to
do with your pole Z asked.
Great Cmsarr he exclaimed: With
Q tail forty-two million miles long.
three million miles thick. and tough as
whip leather. whisking about in the
wake Of that piraticsl craft every time
she tacks verhead. don't You see the
necessity of keeping q cool beaded and
muscular man on deck to fend off. in
case the cussed thing whisks this way?'