davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-03-02

On the train going up the river
yesterday morning was a young
man in farmers dress, who had his
overcoat pockets full OF purchases.
After inspecting tsgo or three par
GELS he took the wraps OF q twenty
five cent thermometer of and exam
ed the instrument with the closest
interest. He looked at the face then
at the back, and the longer he look
ed the more puzzled he seemed. a
gentleman who had been observing
him finally remarked
"Been buying a thermometer, ]
see ?"
''Yes, bought her for aneighbor Of
ours"
'sWhat's the temperature in this
car just now =
The young man took along squint
at the thermometer, turned it over
two or three times, and then an
swered
''It's about middling, i guess"
Nothing further was said for ten
minutes, and the gentleman was
busy with his paper, when the other
touched his arm and said:
Say, are you used to thermome-
ters %
"Yes slightly"
swell, I'm little green, and I'm
willing to own up. Seems 10 me
there's something w.oig about this
ere"
Il guess not its a cheap instru-
ment, but it seems to be all right.
"Well, it may be; but | had made
up my mind there was something
missing. / can't find any keyhole,
and if it ever had any hands on the
face they're gone now for sure"
1t took about five minutes 70 en-
tighten him, and when he realized
.'how she worked" he put his hand
on his pocket with the remark:
''I'm going home and tell the old
man that none of us know enough
to tell when we get chillblaies y
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-03-02
SCANDAL LANE.

IL is not on the starboard, sir,
Go search both far and wide
Or In the town directory,
The map, or railroad guide;
And if you pump your neighbor, sir
You pump alas, in vain,
For no one e'er acknowledged yet
He lived in Scandal Lane.
II is fearful neighborhood.
So secret and so sly;
Although the tenants oftentimes
Include the rich and high.
I'm told they're even cannibals.
And when they dine sup,
BY way of change they'll turn about
And eat each other UP.
They much prefer the youthful, sir,
The beautiful are rare,
They grind up character and all,
And call it wholesome fare
And should the helpless victim vince,
They heed not cries of pain;
These very blcoly cannibals
That live in Scandal Lane.
If you should chance to dine with them
Pray never be deceived,
When they seem most like bosom friend:
They're least 10 be beliyed.
Their claws are sheathcd in velvet. sir
Their teeth are hid by smiles,
And woe betide the innocent
Who fail beneath their wiles
When they have singled out their prey
They make cat-like spring;
Or hug them like serpent, ere
They plant the fatal sting.
And then they wash their guilty hands,
But don't eflace the stain,
These very greedy cannibals
That live in Scandal Lane.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-03-02
RobbinS an Editor.

Soon after the completion of the
plank road between Detroit and
Lansing, a period of q or % years
ago, the editor of q newspaper, 10.
Gated about half way between, start
ed for Detroit one evening on the
wagon of a teamster. After travel
ing about an hour the vehicle was
stopped by n highway robber. The
teamster shelled out about SIG, but
when the editor showed upthe pot
only reachsd 5S cents.
you've hidden your money in
your boots p shouted the robber,
and he made the editor pull then
off. No more cash being found, the
robber insisted that the coat and
vest should come off for close
search, but at the end OF q search
he angrily demanded.
"What sort of a man are you to
set out on journey with only 30
cents in your pocket ~
''I am getting my ride for nothing
and / was going to pay my expens-
es in Detroit by advertising the hotel
at which / stop"
"How much advertising will you
give me to let you OFF,"
"a straight column per week for
four weeks"
"Well, I'll take it, and the team
ster is the witness to our bargain.
I'll send in the copy in time for the
next issue"
The robbcr presently moved of
into the woods and rs the vehicle
once more rolled over the plank
the editor rubbed his hands togeth-
er and chuckled:
"Egad, but isn't this q lift for me
l found chance to pass off bogus
half dollar, got a splendid item ol
news for my local and worked up a
column ad to help me tide over the
dull season. l tell you the Demo
crat will be on paying basis in less
than a year. .v-Fres Press
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-03-02
shrewdncss ana Ability.

Hop Bitters SO freely advertised
in all the papers, secular and reii-
gious, are have a large sale, and are
supplanting all other medicines.
There is no denying the virtue Of the
Hop plant, and the proprietors OF
the Bitters have shown great shrewd-
ness and ability in compromising a
Bitters, whose virtues are so palpa-
bic to eyeryone's observation.-Er-
aminer and Chronicle.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-03-02
The Difference.

Il feel tonight, said Carrollton
lady who was always at a loss for
word, at musical party the other
evening" feel tonight ike a
like a. Dear me how stupid am.
Like "a"
~ morning star" suggested the
husband.
"No, dear like a. What are
those birds that sing after dark ?"-
Mosquitoes"
what nonsense you do talk OF
course not. Well, now, how annoy
ing Y
Betsy-bugs."
Rubbish Dear me, its extreme
ly annoying What is it | feel like?
| know what it is Just as well as
anything. Those birds that never
sing except at night time"
''Bull-toads."
The latter suggestion OF her hus-
band was rejected with scorn, and
she remarked that it was of no con-
sequence-she would probably
think of it by-and-by. About two
o'clock the next morning, Fred was
dreaming that, while on the top OF
the bank of California when it ex-
ploded and he was blown clear into
the middle of Sandwich Island
barbecue. Just as the oder of roast
ed missionary greeted his Dostrils.
he was awakened by his wife.
Fred, Fred r
What's the matter now p
I've got it."
What, the collie ~
No, pet, its the nightengales.'
"Where do you feel them, pet?"
"Oh you stupid, I've got the
work / eould't think of tonight
feel like a nightengale."
I'm burned if | do" And he
turned over and went to sleep.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-03-02
Good Advice.

Ifyou keep your, stomach, liver
and kidneys in perfect order, you
viii prevent and cure by far the
greater part Of the ills that aflliet
mankind in this or any section.
There is no medicine known that
win not do this as quickly or surely
as Parker's Ginger Tonic, which will
secure perfectly natural action OF
these important organs without in
terfering the least with your daily
duties. See ad. f. Is
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-03-02

The first newspaperadvertisement
appeared in 1852
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-03-02
NEW BANK.
Somerset County Bank,
CHARLES y. HARRISON.

Cashier and Manager.
Collections made n all parts 1.-THE United States
Changes moderate. Butter and other checks col
Tested and cashed. Eastern and wostcncxchange
always on hand. Rernittanccs made with prompt
ness. Accounts solicited.
Parties desiring to purchase u >. PER
CENT. FUNDED LOAN, can be sccomme-
dated at this Bank The coupons are prepaid 10
denominations Of 90, 100, zoo and 1000.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-03-02

The first iron steamship was built
in 1880.
The Somerset herald. [volume] (Somerset, Pa.) 1870-1936, 1881-03-02
Ems of Publication.
-. somerset Herald,
-. .-...o !. Ilsf.

rsTsrr-''so =
..r wednesday morning at q %
Il paid in advance otherwise s' 90
.--,rislly be charged. ;.
1'-' -. us be discontinued until all
- psidu POstmAs'' negieeung
'''-, :, when subscribers not take out
n''i' : -, =. hsli responsible for the cub
ao. am on, postooico to an.
,,,r.y, US III. name ..of iths former as
n. prsssa. oaioo. Address
The Somerset Herald,
Somerset. Pa.
The Red Cloud chief., 1881-03-03
Race Tor Life with BIoodhounds.

. APROPos of the deathof odd Mount
Joy" the pedestriaa. a correspondent
OF q London sporting newspaperrela,ed
q story which he heard from Moantjoy's
own lips. Hearing Lord w. boast that
his bloodhounds would track any living
thing, by scent alone. Colonel A.
wagcred a hundred guiness they would
not track . man, and asked Mount
Joy to win she wager for him,
assuring the startled pedestrian
there was no danger OF the dogs
catching him. as tkey were slow
runners, and he would take care suff-
cient start was allowed him; the object
being simply to test their powers of
scent. The trial duly came OF over
three miles of gfoundround Hampstead
Heatk After the dogs had snifed Il
Mountjoyes legs he made his way leis-
u1y, for half the course, whenthe flag
Vas dropped Andsthe hoh1dsyet loose.
They tracked their quarry sfendidn.
but were six hundred yards behind
when Mountjoy reached the inn ct the
end Of the course and shut the@door
upon them, outside which they howled
their dissatisfaceien untl removed BY
their keeper.
Qnbe6eyers n the b~loodhound's
scem w9re stin mconvinced, ayerring
that the3 had sightedtkc man for par7
of the journey At least; and to settle
The point beyond dispute. ah0t6ey
match was made, to be run at night.
the distance this time being but . mile
and 3 half Unsuspieious Of foul play.
Mountjoy went gaily on his way. but
had not accomplished more than two
thirds of the distance allowed him by
the conditions when his hair stood On
The Red Cloud chief., 1881-03-03
COnsulships.

A co CORRESPONDENT. who talked with
Colon ell John Hay, Assistant Secretary
of State, asked him if the foreign con.
sulships afforded a respectable living.
His answer was: Just n living, and
no more. You will notice. if you 60 to
Europe, that every Consul You find is
dissatisfied and wants to come home,
but yet not one of them but will feel
indignant if another man is appointed
in his place. We have some Consuls
who have been in Office a good while,
and those young men, have staid away
so long that their opportunity for a ca
reer in their own country is done"
Colonel Hay is in a position to know
whereof he speaks. He has served
abroad in various capacities, and his
further experience as Assistant Secre-
tary of State we'll qualities him to speak
in regard TO the Consular service. What
he saws as to the nndesirablehess of
most of these positions is true. A lew
COnsulships are worth holding for the
salary, though even these do not fur
nish more than a respectable living for
4 man of family. Some are desirable
on account of climate or for hyg:enic
reasons. A Consul who receives q sal
airy is not permitted to engage in
trade. Some of the unsalaried Consul
ships can be held with advantage BY .
commercial man who has a talent for
trade and can make money in this way.
But take the whole list through and
none of them furnish than a re-
spectacle living, while the most do not
even that for a man of family. Acorn
mon opinion prevails that a Consul re-
ceives a liberal allowance under the
designation of ..outlit'' and limit" in
other words. that his travelling ex-
penses are paid to and from his post of
duty. This is not the case. There
was. such y regulation many years ago,
bat &c was long since abolished. a
Consul now receives only his salary,
and is obliged to pay his own travelling
expenses and those of his family, if he
have one. to and from his post of duty.
Most Of our COnsals abroad have to
live in a retired manner, and if they
are in a country whose language they
do not understand, they cannot take
any soca position Dr. enjoy any social
priviiegcs.-Indianaioiis JOUrpaL =
The Red Cloud chief., 1881-03-03
tAa Iisre nj.

sn~t t-s,. hal PLAYED IN a Sell q
snasr ~ aAeh shsy hof.d io cath q
rabbit d 900 . ..fs 81 ss~sss sssi. 81
e.sarse. twisted grssa fiio. the dog
pat one e b.. ~forv~seei ia tbs ns~s
and Ina irytag Ca get away his le< 80
hsubied up>by a. Tie lsmiesi 81 hnsi
sax "a bis frseni Hero. sa ohl hfs-s
.thsi was grssing near ~ fhl" latest
10 his leg. and lferp At ssrts sa~ whss
was the ms,iss Hut iioShssi n" tnii"
With whlca a. ca. the s.-e What
coatld he dos he dki ma ssaY bag =
doubt he pat do-n bs heal. aHsi i~
gan to gnAw "a the aus@- ianaS
good care not Ia bite tsir. hs n~'hss-st
al the wtap of twisted grsss uli "a,
dropped al. and the g'--t dog $50 inv
You should have seen bal" a. he
.campcrvd r,uni. jumped aP Ant
barke.i a, his aid frisnd. "haftoi at
him." lcs but 10 sas all ia play. -
much a. "a .ay. "fou dear .ld hsTo'
How I thank yoa, viii DO a. nserh
Tor YOU. should you ever gss into tF"asle.
Bo~. WOW. wow
And Herr gsIioped rpaini, and threw
up hi. hecl.. but ioos gossi ears. nd las
hi, his friend dido. ksch sssunrd 10 No
giaAi In The feeling that . Mud at haf
been dour.
This IL = true story ssrsorV.
The Red Cloud chief., 1881-03-03
4 Family Of Giants.

AREpORTERo of this journal chancedto
meet q somewhat remarkable man yes
terday, a description OF whom will not
prove embarrassing. The man IS Lo-
REM A. Pickle, Of Newfane. y. Y, and
is engaged in selling fir balsams.'
Mr.. Pickle was noticed first for his
height, which is six feet five inches. At
the request of the man OF the pencil,
Mr.. Pickle gave some points about HIM
self and his family. He said he was
one of a family of twenty-four childreR
of whom twenty-five are now living.
He has thirteen sisters and eight broth
ers. He claimed TO be the smallest Of
the family, the largest being a brother
who lives in the State OF Kentucky, who
is seven feet two and a half inches tall
in his stocking feet and weighs two
hundred and seventy-five pounds. The
object of this sketch is sixty-eight years
of age. but his activity might well be
envied by a man of forty years. He
wears no overcoat. as he does not feel
the need of such a garment, and added
further hat he wore no SOCKS. He has
two daughters living, n seventeen
and the other twelve years Of age. The
former is over six feet tall and still
growing; the other is five feet eight
inches in height, and will probably
reach six feet and over before she
has attained her growth. A
singular characteristic of Mr.. Pickle is
that he has two pupils instead Of one in
each eye. The pupils are not entirely
distinct. but rather, are double. They
can hardly be called a defect in a hale
old man. as they are not ~perceptible at
the first glance. The Owner states that
his sight is affected, and that it is nec-
essary for him to use a strong magnify
ing glass to be able to read, but he
claims that at a distance he can distin-
guish objects with a facility that other
men do not possess. MI. Pickles dark
hair and full beard are somewhat
tinged with gray, but he seems fully
twenty-five years younger than he real
ly is. He does not drink liquor of any
Kind, nor has he done so since he signed
a pledge nj the age of ten years, nor, in
fact, does he drink water from one end Of
the year to the other. except when there
is an infusion of tea in it. and three
small cups of this beverage a day suffice
to quench his thirst. The secret of his
remarkable health and activity Dir.
Pickle says is the use Of salt. His food
consists mainly OF salt meat and salt
pork. and he says he prefers salt to
sugar even in his tea, and uses on an
average two tablespoonfuls of salt ev-
cry day. Moreover he never eats cake
or pastry or sweetmeats Of any descrip-
on.-ROchester On. ~ Herald. -
The Red Cloud chief., 1881-03-03

/ Do NOT think l have Yet told you of
n new system to make hair grow on the
head. even at the most advanced age.
1t has been tried on persons 80 or 30
years of age. and has always succeeded
rs yet. But it requires great patience
and time. You must rub the head for
half an hour every day. either morning
or evening, rs o wish; then, IL your
head be dry. rub it another half hour
with a stimulating pomatum. IL the
head be moist, rub into the roots of the
hair a stimulating wash, made of rum,
quinine, cantharides. ETC., which any
chemist will easily and cheaply make
up for you. The great thing is to rub,
rub, rub the head for fully half n hour
before applying the mcdicant and for
half an hour afterward. Sometimes.
after 100 hours, you may begin 10. see
the hair ready to shoot up from the
most ivory-looking pate. The hair
grows slowly but surely, and takes az
many months to rc-grow rs IL took
years to tall. Suppose. then, You lost
YOUR youthful locks twenty years ago,
II will take twenty months for il to
grow again to its original length and
thickness. The ncwly-grown hair. also.
is of the original color Of the hair be-
before it began To fall.
Those who have time will certainly
try the experiment. at least for a month
or two. Those who have ladies' maids
may ave themselves the trouble, leav-
ing the care to the maid; but the per-
sons own hand is better. Several Ro-
man doctors are gong tn try the exper-
iment, as the inventor Of the system is
n disciple of Hahnemann. Hair dressers
are also trying it on those customers
who consent ID make the trial. and sew
eral very remarkable cures have already
been effected. II mentioning this fact
NAV recrop a fair head I shall think
myself happy in having been able TO
send Won such q welcome New Years
gif. from Italy.-Rome Cor. Philadelphia
R,liIefin. -
The Red Cloud chief., 1881-03-03
rsESoNaL ayp lursRikv.

JETstz&ox DAVIS "Msrzair" vai
~ yablsshci nsSi April
GrSrEAi G,KTILp eat cut 9.oo
i~cst.rs from Arnsos duris. ih~ Last
Iqassa - is>a ncsryaIl n answer IA
|oa5ca befxar
fEox. EoRpUskSar is,enis 20 sszrs
on = hew ArvsesIPMsoa n the san
m<xs Of lsk4 D. Is ss~ hzSsa< : saiP
built Tor thHs paEPosr-
pE- sCsiiIxax la. h~sn bsglains
himself = marble dwelling n Athens
and over the door in gilaei lc;isrs 10
the iacrptsosl "CsuaSv al iioassr."
Ma ". W. CoEConA>. the Washias.
,oa phIlzn,hrops.s. /. 80 h-ses by sPpl-
eriis fos nBefshI be dee. Dot aarv To
axe hts esctctsc On 'tsr lsfalc ssrcsis
EpwN Bo0rH ], asd 10 p-os.ss. a
portrait 81 HI srs sn- ~hses sk-Ys
entwined 9Th tosrrs ~ hks Fs-rss
wife; and under IL u vrt.~., = Prom
MARY On earth Ia NAry IN iisavca."
ApoLrux Tuisss hsa aSbsu II dog
80 amazing shat IL 10 bard sc rscunrEe
them With rais1nsifsy. liz Invariably
andrcssed and scnsso b~i : n M.
awoke NJ : 10 dine, doEei in his chair
about ~. went 81 bed about midnight
and ru~s a; i@l HIS health suffered
from any disturbances VI ihesa arrange
ments
LoSGrELLow designs are afrcsed by
the Boston people IN Decorative ohteNis.
LongtellOw jugs. Longfo.ow pitchers.
and LOngfclloN cards arc seen IN rnaay
Of the shop Window Npapniss ari-
Gle Is slender e~cr made 81 war; Il
old ivory tinge and having Tho heat III
Longfellow in msaAAua - oae sldc. in
which 10 drink the poets health
SECRETARY SchUEz. Ssys the Wash
ington correspondent 81 The Hartford
zunacs. ~ D as he ~Ictirrs frop the
Cabinet. will publish n book, he has
been engaged on IL, At intervals, Tor
several YEAR. IL will bc = sort Of po-
hiico-historical aolrl. in which he win
make certain IT his actors say what be
thinks about some public men and pub
lie questions.
GEORGE ELIOT i graphically de-
scribed n u wOmsa ~tsom M aasc ever
approached withou, an immediate per
ception Of goodness aud greatness. To
hear her talk vas - good ~ Ia read
what she wrote. \ more beautiful
vuicc than her. is-ysrvsy ses~t7 \ los.
rich Voice, and convincing. 80 10 speak
Except in the shape. the Size. the poi.s
Of her head. there was M striking out
ward sign of genius about her. A re.
markabIe mo,hcr,in-ss of- icok was IN
deed what mos, distinguished her per-
sonal appearance. and this alone gave
her 8 certain beauty In spite Of the
large. massive. homely features II her
face.
The Red Cloud chief., 1881-03-03
The Last American Empire.

THE general opinion in Brazil is thai
the Empire will not long Outlive the
reign of the present Emperor, the good
Dom Pedro. The Imperial form of
government docs not flourish on the
soil OF the American continent, aud the
Emperor's personal popularity, which
is very great, has kept in check the
democratic tendencies of the country,
which cannot always be controllede even
by wholesome laws and wise, liberal
and progressive government. Dom
Pedro will probably be the last Amer
lean Emperor. and the vast country
which he rules with SO much intelli-
gcnce and moderation will be num-
bcred. for good OF i'll, among the re-
publican experiments OF the CONT
ncnt. The transition from the aristOc-
racy to the democratic form of govern
ment need not necessarily be attended
by violence or danger to the public
peace. The people are educated to
self-government to a certain extent,
and the change will be one rather
of form than of fact or principle. 1t
will be rendered more easy to the pub
lie mind as the successor Of Dom Pedro
is a mere child, who has not sufficient
following to control the public senti-
mcnt or to keep him on his throne by
force. He is the son of the Emperor
eldest daughter, and is but six years Of
age. The mother is under the control
o. the Jcsuits and is intensely unpopu-
lar. Were the Emperor to die during
the boys minority the Constitution
makes the mother Regent, an authority
she could not long sustain. The En-
peror wishes to have the Constitution
changed so that the crown may be
given to his favorite graAdchild. the
son of his second daughter. whese has
band is a German RIince-This boy is
twelve years old, and exhibits decided
talent. Butroyalty is unpopular in the
country, Notwithstanding the are ex-
cellencies which have graced it during
the present reign. Republicanism is
the breath of American political life.
Surrounded by republics on all sides
the Empire has caught the infection,
and liberal ideas pcrmeate the entire
political fabric. A Constitutional Pres
ident will soon disrlace the monarch,
the simplicities of republican life sue
coed the pomp and splendor of impe-
rialism. and the last American Empire
will be known only in history.-PdnGaa
Star and Herald.
The Red Cloud chief., 1881-03-03

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a. rss.e Ihas ess hzd IN hiua ahs ua@S
lng II = mAh wlsh = heart 20 ess
Mhich "a the tree. tAsA hase Nsa
,g.sksn ut wst YEA take - ys~ss rvpss
sssatatlvr' VII IA - iItr 'sr ho%t'~
hearted elder. aAs EsAsns stAfs. Nan
aa.ssurY AilaaiAas, sAe IsA~sa "f~s e"
wll. ,oa try ~ - hks The nssSisst 90
tree. wAoh shSi1sas abe waste FAss
a Garth az -. sPtsis. ~hisA epasassshs
Kssli by 80 fr~alifulss.s. ot u" "AA
deep ru-stei ani ssards ssa --s"a -
hearF-k<s. JsAs Tes. "a t&f'sisss
zAF.