The Princeton union., 1881-04-28
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
SIC transit t-An ambulance wagon.
A TIGHT ft-Delirium tremens.
EVERY mans house is his castle, but
every man can't be King of Ashantee.
ONE is seal ring and the other is
real sing. Eh? Sure enough. What
was the conundrum?
A YOUNG man described tandermist
to bevy of young girls as one who sort
O upholsters animals ! He took the
cake.
The difference between the Fenian
leader and an advance agent is that one
is Head Center, while the other is sent
ahead.
NEVER address your conversation to q
person engaged in footing up column
of figures. There's nothing so deaf as
an adder.
An Lishman who was found guilty of
stealing lot of coffee was asked by the
magistrate what he did with it. .Made
tay with it, was the Hibernian's reply.
YOUNG lady, examining some bridal
veils-'s Can you really recommend this
one 2" Over-zealous shopman Oh,
yes, miss It may be used several
times"
"I'M afraid the bed is not long enough
for you," said the landlord to seven
foot guest. "Never mind" he replied !:
"In add two more feet to it when I
get in."
"Wm1 you name the bones of the
head?" said teacher to one cf his
class. "I've got 'em all in my head,
teacher" replied the pupil, "but I can't
give 'em away"
"TLL take your arm, Miss Ida, please,
Good faith I've need to cling tor
"Good faith, indeed!" said she, "but, then,
My arm is not the thing to
With lips that ne'er denied her,
"Good faith is bona fde, girl,
And this is bone OF Ida"
We are constantly told that "the
evening wore on"-but what the even
ing wore on such occasions we are not
informed. Was it the close of a sum-
mer's day?
Why is a thief your only true phi
losopher? Because lie regards every-
thing from an abstract point of view, is
opposed to all notions of protection,
and is open to conviction.
This is little coeducational scene ):
Professor "Who will see Mr. B. before
next Monday?" Lady student, hesitat-
ing and blushing little more -" I shall
see him Sunday night, probably"
The Philadelphia NeWs man is per-
son of experience. He says: "a Boston
man has invented a new word-sAstron
ometeorology.' It means what man
sees when he suddenly runs against a
lamp-post."
A YOUNG man in the .Answers to
Correspondents column in New York
paper asks =" How can gain copious
command of language % We would
suggest that he try sitting down on a
tack. Louisville Courier Journal.
Courtesy opens many doors, says
the old adage. "This may be true, as
far as it goes, says commentator: 'sbut
you might stand before bank-building
and courtesy till you spinal column was
as timber as an old postage-stamp, yet
the doors wouldn't swing back on. their
hinges worth cent"
A CLERGYMAN, being annoyed by some
of his audience going out while he was
preaching, took for his text, "Thou art
weighed, and found wanting" Soon
after commencing his discourse, he said.
"You will please pass out Is fast as you
are weighed"
BE was 70 and she was 18, and thev
were on their wedding tour. He pointed
out to her the beautiful scenery, and
said: "We may have many anniver-
saries of this season." "Yes." she
answered, "you will probably live long
enough to have a tin wedding"
DEsDEMoNA.
told her of my three years. cruise
It's haps and mishaps and when
Had finished, in her sweet, rapt muse,
She murmured breathlesely, o myln
And when told my journeys DER,
From arid zone to lands OF snow,
She paused in wonderment before
She softly CRIED g You don't say sop
And when told Of dangers, fears
Our shipwreck, when we suffered CO.
Halt frightened, and almost in tears,
She faltered forth, ~ want to kpa1!"
-Scribner's Magazine.
A PHYSICIAN having duel on his
hands requests two of his friends to ar
range with his adversary the hour of the
meeting. Make it tomorrow" he
says, "but not in the forenoon. because
I must visit four patients before going
to the ground" 81 see, murmurs one
of the seconds, che wants to get his
hand in."
EYES," said witness, ''I remember
the defendant,s mother crv;nr ~, tho