The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-01-12
FLOATING FANCIES,

- 1A@S LIN
A great many young men regard Santa
Claus as a fraud, because he don't part his
hair in the middle.
The old gentleman of sixty who was taken
in by the confidence game had. evidently ar
rived at a 'green old age"
An Ohio girl was deserted by her lover at
the very foot Of the altar. Lucky girl! This
is the narroWest escape on record.
Of amiserly man somebody wrote: Ellis
head gave way, but his hand never did. His
brain softened, but his heart couldn't"
Anancient proverb singer has said that "It
is hard for an empty bag to stand upright
1t is easy enough, however, for full man to
tumble down.
A Cincinnati mar says that Mamie Ander-
sons cherry red lips are the prettiest in
America. Bah! well rut our lips against
hers any day.
The young lady who objected to being en-
braced by her lover was gravely Informed by
him that she was putting q restraint upon the
liberty Of the press.
The Philadelphia Mronscze-H Herald desires
to call Mr.. Derg's attention to the fact that
thousands Of little snow birds are appearing
without overshoes this winter.
When a Deadwood man rises up in a gin
mill and says the whole crowd present are
liars they call him an imprudent man. He
generally has q bang-up funeral, too.
t'No, marin" says the shoe dealer, IT
would like to give you a smaller pair, but to
sell you anything below Fights would render
me liable under the statutes for prevention Of
cruelty to animals"
swell sonny, where did you get such a
black eye p inquired a kindly gentleman Of
a street urchin. sob, a Teller called my
brothers hat a swill dipper, and he was big
ger than ! thought he Was,''
care you really SO stupid, Matilda; or do
you act that way for effect?" said a Calves
ton lady to her servant. "No, man," was
the reply, I'D like nightly. to be a deceit
full niggah, but [ hain't got the sense"
lis is true, Harry, that you are off with
MarkaWay's daughter ?" ssAlas, yes! I
was forced to, although she is a charming
woman" ssWhy?" Incompatibility of COM
plexion. She does not suit my furniture.
Smith: sI.once possessed a splendid dog,
which could always distinguish between q
vagabond and a respectable person. Jones:
'sWell, what's become Of him?' Smith: 'sOh,
r r~or cI11r,1 ~ r;uo him O wau1 He hgf mo-
ssDo you pretend to have as good judg-
ment as / have e. exclaimed an enraged wife
to her husband. ''Well, no." he replied
slowly; .sout choice Of partners for life
shows that my judgment is not to be COM
pared with yours"
They tell Of q very cultured divine in Bos-
ton who, instead Of saying: "The collection
will now be taken up" Impressively remarks:
esThe accumulation of moneys will now en-
sue.n But a Philadelphia clergyman, q great
athlete and lover of sports, forgot himself
once and said: Here endeth the trst innings.
Let us pray.
A iewelry firm in New York has just re-
ceiyed a diamond valued at 100000. The
name Of the journalist for whom it was or
dered as a Christmas present for his girl is
W1itheld.-Norristopn Herald. Yes, we didn't
want anything said about it then, but if-if
necessary you might mention it now, though
please print our initials cor~rectly.-Dea15ck.
s.What is hell ~ asked a Lutheran Sunday
school teacher of a boy in the class. "A shirt
with a button of, ma'am," replied the boy.
1Explain yourself; what do you mean, slr?'
demanded the me~ek-spirited but surprised
teacher. "Well, I ssheard my pa say to my
ma The, other morning, when be put On 9
shirt with the back button off, We'll, this i
hell That is al | know about it.
We have received a story entitled "A DARK
Deed, !, which is respectfully declined. The
first chapter opens with 1T is midnight
This ID all right. Ii is often midnight eas