National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1881-03-04
THE PoST- OFFICE DEPARTMES,
TooTHsoME TALE.
How Two ToothIess sisters Agreed 70 Re.
ccive Calls ia the Same False Teeth.

EAoo Two AOOln1c8A S16kc1B AkP0Ea 10 1SSs
ceive Calls in the same False Teeth.
Oakland came very near being the scene
ofanothcr case of emotional insanity, but which,
unfortunately for the reporters, terminated in
comparatively uninteresting assault and battery
case. 1t appears that two maiden sisters, living on
Jackson street, near Tenth, inherited such exeep-
tiOnally fragile" teeth that some time ago they
both concluded to have them pulled out all around
and sets of false teeth made to replace them. The
sets were exact duplicates and, as Jane recently
lost her set the side of the ferry boat Maria
agreed 70 q proposition By which the use of the
remaining set was to be equally divided among
the two, thus avoiding additional expense these
hard times. This economical scheme worked
fairly well until New Years Day. when it was de-
eided that Maria was 10 receiye-of course in the
teeth-antii three p. m, after which they were to
dazzle the remaining visitors between James
coral lips. This arrangement was accordingly
adopted, and the latter sister walked about impa.
tiently in the room overhead. or else restlessly
killed time BY peerng baRnistcrS at the new
arrivals being welcomed at the parlor door by her
sisters efulgent forty dollar cOraline smile FL
naliy, the long expected hour struck; but, to the
establishment and despair of the toothless watcher
overhead, the relief guard from below did not az
rive. In vain the enraged sister above pounded on
the floor and slammed the door as warning hint.
Stlthe errng sister did not respond At last about
four p m, the defrauded partner in the tooth con-
tract took advantage of her sister accompanying O
departing guest to the front door to lean over the
secondstOry railing and remark, in voice Of sup
pressed passion, ugh glug muggity glug wug?"
which being translated from the language of the
toothleSs, which closely resembles the sound pro-
dueed by blowing into the bunghole of a barrel,
meant, Are you coming with those teeth p"
=" Yes, am-rOt," replied the traitor who by this
time was chock full of chicken salad, cIaret punch
and impudence, and who didn't care tinker's
mother whether her unfortunate relative gummed
it until the crack of doom or not.
Mug ger rug jug-ug wig lug wug geree flip
skee dug fercely mnmbled the other, which
boiled down into the normsl Oakland tongue
meant, "a You Maria Ann if you don't bring those
teeth instantly. I'll come down there and scratch
your hateful eyes out
"Ta-ta, replied the tantalizing tooth monopo-
izer; better take nap and sleep it OFF,
But instead of utilizing this sSterly advice
Jane determined upon sOrtie in force, and the
result was that while Maria in the act of help
ing the next caller to some chicken salad she was
suddenly snatched by the back hair and the salad
dish smashed over her head. in immediate success
sion to which her irate assailant forced her over
the eOal-Scuttle and shook out of her head the
disputed article, interspersing which proceeding
with ignom iniousy firing out the caller aforesaid
on his undertaking to interfere.
All this was put in evidence before the Justice
of the peace the next morning, and, pending the
outcome ofthe trial. all the restorative articles of
Oakland are shaken to their bulls-eyes with the
seand al, and several well known amateur drama
fists of that bailwick have already constructed first
class society dramas from tn eabovea ample plot and
are only waiting 10 put the verdict into the last
aet-DeTTieI D0dd in San Francisco Post.