The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-08-12

"Let's strip the light fantastic toe" said
the chiupodist to his patient.
There are lOO,0OO commercial drummers
in the United S,ales--the largest brass band
on record.
One inventor wanted to cool the Presi-
dents rsm by decorating it with fiiezes.-
Philadelphia Bulletin.
Fortunes made IN no time are like shirts
male In no time; IT'S ten io one If they
hang together.-D0ugtds Jerrotd.
A Brooklyn young mxn calls his sweet
kiss her she Sc Lives consent. ~ IL and Wis
dom.
see that the comet Is leaving the earth at
the ,s,e Of 100000 miles day. l could he
very happy on that comet.-R. ConAiing in
Chicago Tribune.
A lxhurer In Russia gets eight cents day
and " fluids himself" fluids himself mighty
hangry, pretty ofien, We should think
Norristo,rn Herald.
If Gniiesu had really wanted to he hon
esil famous he would have had has picture
engraved fr a liver-pad advertisement.-
Mem Orieans Picayune.
There are jus, two classes Of men in this
cover the comet. and the other half have
been shot through the liver.-Eimira Free
Press.
A scientist says: "A garter will cure
cramps" He does not slate whether ii
should be s~ allowed Whole or cut up into
small pieces and taken in the foim Of pills.
darlington Ha,ckeye.
Out IN Durango, Colo, recently, q mar
npt n, lsrts Al he n in ~
aaily paper said: "Calds.' Every person
In the whole town bought J ack, and some
q couple Of them.-Puck.
A novelty In neck lingerie for gentlemen
is made If hemp or manila, and Is SD Worn
IS To close up pretty snug " hen the gentle
mali steps through the trap. IL Is much af
fecied IN Nevada and New Mexico.
A fair maidpl's curiosity: Now do tell
me, Charley" said Miss Giaglegtisli, who is
spending The summer in the country, (which
cow Is IL that gives he ice cram? I'm just
dying to see her, Boston Transcript.
A young man In this city. a short time ago,
proposed 10 la.iy several yvars his senior,
sud for All aisWer she said: IL guess |
don't wan: to take a boy TO iaise!" 7 he
young man Is now raising a moust ACHE
Yomgstorn (O.) Ne,cs.
The latest xdvir.s f,om the Sandwich Is
lands report that the lava thrown finm
Mauna Loa IS likely to destroy a purton If
the Town aud hsrbor IF Hil". That Is bad
for H,lo, but II is hoped jail and the
game may he sav-'i.-Norrision Herald
Geographical: Where is the island uf
Ja'a sltuated?" asked All Austin school
teacher tf q small, rather forloin- locking
boy. ~ dunno, SIR" Don't You know
where coffee comes fiom?" Yes. sir; We
borrows IL ready parched from the next-door
neighbor. ."-Teras Strings.
"Pa," quoth Samnie to his sire, "why
don't you go out West ?" why do you
ask. my boy ?" Because Bill Higgins
father went and he strurk q BANANA" "a
bonsiza. you mean, Sammie." swell,
what's the difference" Why, Wien l~.o-
pie strike . bonanza 1t sets them up, and
when they strike q banana IL sets them
down. and very emphatically, too."-
YO,ukers IN. Y.( Gazette.
/" Phat Nud do wild that 2" exclaimed
Patrick, when the hackman handed him the
baggage cheek. "l gave ye1 good mDney
siid yez try TO put counterfeit onter me"
You mistak~, /" said the hackman; :" this ID
not money; Il is only 4 check. !" Go way
wild yex," cried Pat :" T" isn't cheek always
wit ON papp-r? Did yex take me fur
-As.,hs.- .is..aas ha~ " Isas.-- 1n-..--~.. !.
Clear again: Said voung lawyer, not
long ago. "Ive made $40 this week"
'Howa" Was asked. Well, got $40 for
. case and | borrowed So" The story Is
not unlike one told Of Henri Muger. the
n"tsd Partisan Bohemian. aWhai Is your
income 2" he Was once asked. ait IL hard
TO tell," Was thu reply, :. hat In good years |
ran borrow at FEAST O,0O0 francs. Ne,o Or
leans Times. -s,s
A tramp with his arm IN a sling called isn
Gilhooley for . quarter, alleging that his n IN
had been Injured in the recent railroad acci-
dent near Ban Antonio. "But yesterday
you had the other arm In = sling" replied
Gilhooley. "a Well, suppnsi,' / had. Don't
you think feller's arm gets tired of being
tied up allday? Besides. l have got con-
cussion # the brain aud ran'l remember
half the time which arm.was broken.-Teras
Sifings. .s.....
Old Tenpercent went 10 church last Sun
| day. The minister, h. says, had = good deal
| to say about the Pool of Eeihrsda. Ten
| percent didn't wait to hear the whole SER
mon. but rushed hGm- to lock over his Sc.
curities. lie got srusk by the Jersey pool
aud In the pool in The Union Pacific, and h
didn't mean 10 get caught again, not II he
knew himself. Fortunately, he didn't have
| any Betl,rsda - Burlin0t0n HQrkele, .tSth7