The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-03-04
ALLEGED BITS o. .wYT.

.s,,ssAI1rarD BITS OF ,wIT. ~
We somewhat disremember the first con-
undrum propounded In sacred history; but
we think 1t was something about Jonah; and
the whale gave II ups-Meridan Recorder.
Once he sang Of maidens, 'a
Sweet and jolly maidens. a#it
Now he Is cynic, a
aE sCynic, cross aud cold; &
just because when smitten
He received the mitten,
He must think that maidens
Are all fiirts and bold. s.
s. ~ OIL City Derrick, after Atdrich.
An Illinois man was arrested and fined $25
for disturbing debating club. The Court
held that the question, Which can you hurt
yourself the most with, . hornet or . wasp !"
should have been decided by debate and not
by his letting lot Of specimens Of each kind
Of insect loose in the hall, 50 people could
compare the two and judge Tor thenaelves---l
Boston Post. r~ -ss..stFs. "a. af !
At this season the most popular letter the
fan L.-Syracuse Times. You're wrong,sir,
It's the turk E.--Transeript. Most modest
people dote on the chick NJ Constitution.
And less modest people on whis K.--Eleua-
ted Railway journal. Wrong-all wrong.
The newspape takes the lead everywhere.
Omaha Bee. Here 1t Is T. A chrom o
awaits the person who can G through these
jokes. .--. .r .'r
Meteorological There Is man at Wau-
pun, who, IL he is not a liar, tells some Of the
most remarkable truths on record. He tells
about the changeable weather in Dakota, and
illustrates by saying that he knew man to
60 ont in the back yard to thaw out pump,
and the man was sunstruck before he could
get his overcoat of. and before he could be
carried into the house he froze stiff. 1t is
almost too stupendous to be lie.-Foridd
Sun.
Technical knowledge; A two-foot rule
was given to laborer In Clyde bcat-yard
to measure an iron-plate. The laborer not
being we'll up in the use of the rule after
spending considerable time returned. "Noo,
Mick" asked the platter, "what size Is the
plate ?" "Well," replied Mick, with grin
of satisfaction, " it's the length of your rule
and two thumbs over, with this piece of
brick and the breadth of my hand and my
arm from here to there, bar a finger."-
Pmch.
Gulls: They were watching the sea1gulls
whirling In graceful circles above the waters
of the bay, while the rays of the sinking sun
covered the landscape with flood of gold.
Finally he turned to land in voice trem-
bling with emotion, asked: ''Darling, If we
were sea-gulls, would you fly away with me
and be at rest ?" To which she answered,
with her gaze fixed on far off mass Of cas-
tellated clouds: "No, George; I'd let you fly
away, and then I'd have allthe rest wanted
here."-Edgie. ae ~a-s..sE fla -..as.
The Fakir Of silva gave sleight-of-hand
performance In Galveston. One Of his feats
was to make amarked dollar disappear in the
sight of the crowed, which he successfully
did. .That marked dollar Willie found IN
the vest pocket of that colored gentleman"
said the Fakir, pointing with his magic wand
at Sam Johnsing. All eyes were riveted on
Sam, who advanced to the front, took some
money from his vest pocket and said: ''Boss,
heah Is yoar change. / has had two beers
and cigar outen dat dollar you tole me to
keep In my vest pocket till you called foa' 1t.
Galveston Ne,os. - 1e@ ..a Ews
During this cold weather how long can the
ink stand p Constitution. But how long can
the pen holder ?-Ha,ckeye. Tell US how
long the pencil sharpener, and wen answer
that.-Omaha Republican. They are right
as long as the weather remains stationary.
Omaha Bee Your puns are enveloped in
obscurity. That's no wafer to get off jokes.
Free Press. Seal ah.-Globe. Does any one
suppose that such puns give paper weight 2?
The should be ruled out an fool's-cap placed
on the punsters.-Norristoscn Herald. We
stamp the foregoing as silly. Paste thisin
your hat. -@r-
Tweedledum and Tweedledee: At the sec
ond battle of Bull Run Michigan regiment,
In making change of position, came upon
Confederate soldier sitting astridee Of . Fed
eral, who was lying on his back. j Each had a
firm hold of the other, and neither could
break the hold. As the troops came up the
reb was taken in, and as the Yank arose he
was asked how he came to be in such fix.
"Why, l captured the blamed Johnny" he
replied. "Then how did he come to be on
the top9" .That's what makes me so internal
mad" shouted the blue-coat. "He captured
me the same time I did him, and then he
wouldn't toss up to see who had the bulge!
He's no gentleman-no, sir,he amt v'--F1or-
ida Sun. @"--E51 -@.. 1872
Juvenile Jay Gould: Jimmy Tuffboy Is
modern sort of youngster. lie has formed
a aHellophone Company" in which the boys
on his street are taking stock. Shares are
booming along along at five pins premium
preferred stock, seven pins and one needle
with good eye. After he has bulled "
the stock while longer he intends institn-
ting bear movement to scare the boys into
aunloading," after which he will consolidate
with the " Wake Me Up at Five O'Clock by
Pulling My Toe With String company and
increase the rate Of shoutergrams. He is 81,
ready looked upon as . monopolist, having
three sleds and five pairs Of skates, two club,
three half club and the crossest dog In the
neighborhood.-Ne,U Haven Register. IA ht.
Gov. Blackburn's Predictions.
t#E - - 4.sga
Kentucky Is blessed with Governor who,
in addition to the profitable and successful
pursuit Of politics, follows also the old End
useful profession of medicine. This dis