The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-03-30
VARIETIES.

"A dlSagreeaDle OLD CHAP says that
in the boarding houses those who
have the loudest dinner bells have
the weakest meals.
Once teacher was explaining to
little girl the meaning OF the word
cutlcle. "What is that all over my
face and hands ~ "Freckles," an
swered the little cherub.
1t knocks all the love out of fel.
low to have the music suddenly stop
and every one in the ballroom hear
him ask his girl: ''Can have kiss
when we get home ?"
A tender conscience is a inestIma.
BILE blessing; that Is, conscience
not only quick 10 discern what is
evil, but instantly TO shun it, az the
eyelids closes itself against the mote.
The most amusing man in the
world is a Frenchman trying to vent
his rage in English "By gar, you
call my wife woman, and I will call
the vatch-house and blow off your
brains like candle"
..Come right into the house chill,
dren," shouted Mrs. Shuttle. "You
are making more noise and uproar
than a session of Congress-. What
do you suppose the neighbors will
think ~
A young lady recently married
read Mother Symptoms prophecy for
the first time the other day. DUST
my luck + she exclaimed, throwing
down The paper. "Here am newly
married and now the worlds coming
to an end"
A boy having complained 70 his
father that Bill had thrown the Bible
at him, and hurt him on the head, the
father replied: swell you are the
only member of my family on whom
the Bible ever made the least impress
sion"
"Littlc baby is very i'll, Charlie;
am afraid he will die" "Well, if he
does die. mamma, he wont go to the
bad place" "Why, Charlie, how
can you know that ?" "Oh, / know
he can't, mamma, he's got no teeth
to gnash."
Johnny came hone trosn school the
other day very tied.
"What do you think, pa. w
ard, one of the big boys, had ~. sya.
ment with the teacher about q ques-
ton in grammar |" "What position
did Joe take p "His last position
was across a chair, with his face
down"
Did you ever notice the fact that
if girl has seal.skin sacque to wear
to an entertainment. she'll keep it on
until she become animated oleomar.
garine, whereas If che has new
dress handsomely trimmed, and no
seal skin, she'll dust out of her sack
with the rapidIty of kerosene con-
fagration.
The following nave promise was
offered as an irresistible temptation
to fair young maid: II thank YOU"
said she to her sutton, "but | can't
leave home. / am a widows only
darling; no husband can ever equal
my parent in kindness" "She is
kind replied the wooer; "but be
my bride aud we will all live together
and see if don't beat your mother"
In Sunset Cox's new lecture is the
following account of the colored
mans idea of civil rights Uncle
Billy, in discussing the civil rights
bill, gave his opinion of it in this way:
"We can smoke whenebber we please,
stop at de hotels, spit on de carpet
and make de white folks tend on de
nigger. You bet, dar's fun comm"
But when he was asked if he under
stood the provisions of the bill, he
exclaimed: "Bress de Lor', am dere
provisions in it,"
An Irish hostler was sent to the
stable TO bring forth travellers horse.
Not knowing which of the two
strange horses in the stable belonged
to the traveller, and wishing to avoid
the appearance OF ignorance in his
business, he saddled both animals
and brought them to the door. The
traveller pointed out his own horse
saying "That's my nag Seer.
tainly, yer honor, | know that very
we'll; but / didn't know which was
the other gentleman's."
/. You are disappointed. Do remem-
Der, if you lose heart about your
work, that none of it is lost; that
the good of every good deed remains,
and breeds, and works on forever |;
aud all that tails and is lost is the
outside shell OF the thing, which per-
haps might have been better done,
but, better or worse, has nothing TO
DO with the real spiritual good which