Connecticut western news., 1881-12-14
WIT AND WISDOM.

THE man W ho thinks he knows mo1 than the masses is chief of them asses.
 IT is surmised that Tennyson wrot Despair " after having eaten tw mince pies for supper. ,..r ,a-l.t r ], II DON'T like that cat it's go
 spinters in it's feet" was the excuse (
 a four-years-old for throwing the 1kitte away. .4 s... .a,t1 -i ts-.s:t-.H.5 VI
 THIS is Picture of Freddy's Rabbits 1 But it is the Picture of Fox. The Flo.
 is very Fat. Where are Freddy's Rab
 bits ? Freddy's Rabbits are in tn
 Fox. - s &%l 1if54 49 ltg
 A AvAR1ETY belle, wishing to be yer, severe on rival. said the only thing that wasn't false about her was tn
 hole Tn her stocking. g.-PhilodelohSt l Chronicle. -sa3
 IT IS vulgar to receive wedding pres ents. This inform ation is confided t, us by an old married man, one of tn, marriedest kind, whose last daughter was married off 8 week ago.
 A SCIENTIFIC man says great n noises will make milk sour. They will alst make the average citizen pretty sour especially if they come at night when h, wants to sleep. Boston Post. .,- s
 THE egotist divides the world into two classes, namely: Those who know very little, and those who know every. thing. He monopolizes the latter class Of people. Whitehall Tunes. en ...
 A SOCIETY paper estimates the cost ot first-class wedding at from $1 ,0OO tc $l 800. i1 People can now understand why Brigham Young made it rule not to marry more than once a month. ..
 A LOWELL paper expresses the opinion that, ''take this whole country together, more couples live on less than BIO a week than spend as much as that sum, and they live very we'll indeed, too.''
 Ar THE art exhibition the other day an amateur connoisseur was heard to exclaim: '.The idea of the critic of the Herald saying that this picture, lacks breadth. Why, it's yard wide if it's a foot.'' ...f -..,.-,. .-...... e. OLD Pete's -wisest remark: "Ef de descendants ob de old rooster what crowed at Peter was ter make noise ebery time lie is told dar would be 1slch noise in de world dat yer couldn't heah de hens cackle. i" st9. ,.:sl a .se. '
 A MEDICAL certificate is among the treasures of the London General Post. office, worded as follows: ssThis is to certify that I attended Mrs. in her last illness, and that she died in conse- quence thereof. "-Saturday Revses0.
 AN EXCHANGE says it is a violation of the laws of nature to sleep on an empty stomach. because sleep aids digestion. We are of the opinion that good bed IS better to sleep upon than an empty stomach, but much more difficult to digest. l --'5.a las
 THE other day an Indianapolis woman orsewhipped her divorced husband. He felt as good as though he had got married again, and wanted to know wherein it profteth a man to get 8 a divorce, if thls sort of thing was to be kept up? ..a5 ..7pr .s .l.a,- 5,.-...- -.
 A MAIN street lady remonstrated with green girl who had washed a table dish in a wash basin. She nearly conVulsed the whole family by reply ing: We'll, mum, but I clanes the basin agin afore anybody washes in it. -Le Roy Tunes. .s ,'''-4'@
 THE Mother has made Lap. The boy IS Tn the Lap. He is Looking at the Carpet. What has the Mother in her Hand3 She has 9 Shingle in Her Hand. What will she do with the Shingle i. She will put it Where it will Do the Most Good. .-Puck. ... ..- -' i HIRAM GREEN was lugging up coal, when he stubbed his toe and fell, causing him to accidentally let slip cuss word. " Halnt you 'shamed of yourself! Where do you expect you'll go to when you die ?''' asked his wife. ssTo 8 place where | shan't have to lug coal, by thunder l" and Hiram continued on.
 'WHAT do you mean by disturbing me at this hour of the night?" said an Austin doctor angrily to negro who woke him at three o'clock in the morn ming. s'I jess allowed, boss, dat yer was so busy yer didn't hab time ter tend ter poor folks in der day time, so I lowed I'd jess drap in after supper. - zecos Sittiegs. ...... ..s
 "WHY is lady unlike mirror P asked a cynic of lady. She 'sgave it up. Because, said the rude fellow, "a mirror reflects without speaking; lady speaks without reAecting." s'Very good" said she, ssnow answer me. Why is a man unlike mirror p'' sI cannot tell you" Because the mirror is pol ished and the man is not"
 By WAY of apology for allowing a woman passenger to retain her money, one of the perpetrators of the recent train robbery in Missouri said: .tThe next time we undertake 8 job of this kind we will have lady to search the lady passengers" The woman was not too frightened to express a doubt 4 whether the robbers could secure the services of lady in that ca pacity.
 Why Buildings Burn.