Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-03-03
PARAGRApHIo POINTS.


steals trash" lag. must have had lot
of Peruvian money.
PrKE's Peak, in the Rocky Mountains,
has come out as q frst-class volcano.
In fact, Pixies Peak has spoken.
Courier.
:" THE funniest part of dogs tail is
the wag, and the only funny thing about
the erysipelas is the humor. --Syracuse
Standard.
FASHION says: Gathered waists are
still very much in favor with young
ladies'" They are with young gentlemen
also
WHITTIER says that he has tried "to
make the world little BETTER" if he has
not succeeded, he has at least managed
to be awful good himself.
A PHILADELPHIA clergyman who is a
great athlete and lover Of sports forgot
himself once and said: Here endeth
the first innings-let us pray"
BoERs are not by any means confined
to South Africa 1t is astonishing how
many are to be met with on single
days travel in the United States.
No wonder Philadelphia is the Quaker
City. She has 125 undertakers, and they
brag about burying 800 citizens each
week. That's enough to make anyone
quake.
LUCY HOOPER says that Europe knows
no more Of making pie than it does of
liberty, and she never sits down to a
table without hankerilg after something
TO make her dream of pirates and In
dams.
CALINo, who has just returned from
Italy, hastens to his friend Prudhomme,
and, pulling out his watch, says to him:
''I have brought something from Italy
that will please you" "Ahl what is it?'
Venice time. French Paper.
A COUNTRY hotel keeper says science is
the thing to run a tavern ON. Science
quire more food and protection than
mature ones, and he intends hereafter to
charge the same price all around for
board for men, women, and children.
An English lady adyertises her we'd
ding presents, including many valuable
articles. for sale in the London Times.
Poor thing, the old story. He called her
best majolica teapot horrid looking
toad and she went back to her moth
er's.
AFTER Milwaukee doctor had put in
six months time doctoring man for
tape worm, q darning-needle worked out
of the patients shoulder. The doctor
made mp his mind that something had to
come if the man lived long enough. =
Detroit Free Press.
AFTER an enthusiastic lover spends two
hours hard labor over a letter to his
girl, and then mars its beauty by spilling
drop of ink on it, he first Bwears in a
scientific manner for few minutes, and
then draws a circle round the blot and
tells her it is kiss, and she, poor thing,
believes il.
CARVING isn't fun. A young man was
invited to carve turkey at dinner. re-
Gently, and before the knife was finally
taken from him he had upset glass Of
water, wrenched his shoulder, shot the
bird across the table into lady's lap,
and nearly jabbed mans eye out,
and it wasn't touch bird either.-Al-
| 6any Argus.
THE Rev. Julius g. SNOWFALL some
what bewildered his congregation by
saying: "Cistern and brethren, dar will
be called meeting in this building to-
morror ebenin. s'What's de hour p
called ont a member eyer can come as
soon or as late as yer pleases, provided
yer all get heah at seven o'clock pre-
cisely."
| great deal. 1t is tough, soft, and so
l - q "a H.
tinguished from real lace. BY these in
| telligent women it is considered the
height of folly to wear lot of costly
lace, which may be ruined in night,
when S. worth of paper looks just as
well.
NINE. D., mature beauty, happened
to take q swallow Of very hot tea while
dining out the other day. Her contor-
tons and grimaces drew the attention Of
the whole table, and Judge of the aston
! ishment. She had no eyebrows. The
steam of the tea had warmed the artificial
substitutes; they had fallen into her cup,
and-she had swallowed them. French.
THE Philadelphia Chronicle says that
1881 does not resemble a pair Of lovers
on a sofa because there is one at each
end. Certainly not, and besides it would
be very wrong for 1881. We must apollo
gize to the fraternity for explaining this
apparently idiotic joke, but we feel that
we owe it to our subscribers, particularly
! Scotchmen, strict Methodists, and the
undertaking profession. All together
then-for one two ate one on sofa or
anywhere else. They should love one
| another. York Commercial Ad-
! vertiser.