The Democratic advocate. [volume] (Westminster, Md.) 1865-1972, 1881-01-22
dait and Aumor,

dCI.
Marriage makes the man the woman
was maid before.
When does match lose its head ?
When it comes to the scratch.
Should hungry man be considered
martyr because he goes to the steak?
Woman may be the weaker vessel, but
when she shrieks she can be heard further
than a man.
1t is difficult thing for dog without
tail to show his master how much he
thinks of him.
The best medicine for a sick man is to
back him up against mule. The animal
will heel him.
There is one doctor for every 600 peo-
pie in the United States. "Into the jaws
of death rode the 600"
1t would be easy to learn foreign Ian
guage if, as the Irishman said, at could
only be spoken in English"
"Forget not thine own Importance" is
an old proverb. It's about the only thing
that some men don't forget.
A young man whose girl lives some dis
tance out of town, says his Sunday night
walk includes ''two miles and one lap"
Modesty of opinion is very becoming
virtue. There is an old and true saying
that nobody but the fool is always right,
A book agent was found the other day
who hadn't the cheek to try to sell pair
of gold-rimmed speetacles to blind man.
The man who spends too much of his
time building castles in the air is not
likely to hold much real estate on the
earth.
Why is baby like sheaf of wheat
Because it is first Graded and then thrash
ed, and finally becomes the flower of the
family.
The Yonkers Gazette calls the minister's
fee "the tax on matches" We can match
that the shoemakers fec is the tax on
mems soles.
Scientists claim that smoking Injuries
the eyesight. But this is not true. The
boy with a stump in his mouth can see his
father ten squares away.
"a splendid croquet ground in the
rear," said the real estate agent. And
when he had bought the house and moved
in, he found that frogs kept croaking all
night.
"Mr. Jones, father wants to borrow
your paper. He only wants to read it.
"Well, go back and tell your father to send
me his supper. Tell him I only want to
eat it."
A Norfolk, Va, youth knocked a girl
down with brick and broke three of her
ribs because she wouldn't marry him. As
a Striking" case of love this takes the
prize.
The civilized Indians of the Cherokee
nation are organizing brass band, so
there will be no further use for the quota
ton, "Lo, the poor Indian whose un-toot-
ored mind"
The man who is curious to see how the
world could get along without him can find
out by sticking cambria needle into
millpond and then Withdrawing it and
looking at the hole.
A Quaker having sold fne-looking
but blind horse, asked the purchaser,
"Well, my friend, does thou see any fault
in him ?'' "No," was the answer. "Neith
er will he see any fault in thee" said old
Broadbrim.
When two women, who are friends,
meet on the street, they smile right there.
v hen two men, who are friends, meet on
the street, they adjourn to the nearest sa-
loon to "smile." The latter method is the
most expensive.
Every time the average citizen attends
a circus he remarks in disguised man.
ner, "when you see one circus you see all"
And to prove the truth of the statement
he attends each succeeding arenic exhibi-
ton with scrupulous regularity.
Master (who has been carefully explain
ing the use of the "hyphen' )-"Now boys
here have written the compound word,
'Bird'snest.' What is the use of this bar
in the middle ?" Clever boy.-"Please
sir, for the bird to roosht on"
"Doctor, my daughter seems to be 60
ing blind, and she's just getting ready for
her wedding, too. 0, dear me, what is to
be done?' "Let her go right on with
the wedding, madam, by all means, mar
riage will open her eyes if anything will y
A wag circulated a report that certain
rich old farmer had been running rapid
ly through his property: The farmer
called on him to retract the SANDER, wher
the wag said he saw him running through
his property with the brindle bull after
him.
An Irishman was asked at dinner if he
would take some apple pie.
''Is it houlsome ?" inquired Teddy.
"To be sure it is. Why do you ask p
Because" said Teddy, "I once had an
uncle that was kilt with apple plexy, anG
sure enough thought it might be some
} thing of the same kind"
esMr. O'RaFertY" said the recorder