The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-06-09
4. WAIFS.

Since the Chicago Times established
IFS agricultural department. the Illinois
farmers have thrashed their turnips at
least a week earlier than formerly
i6ioafSer-,Jost,nul.i i-, asr
st Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe thinks it
is very inartistic to knit men S foot gear
straight. Doesn't it depend, Harriet,
on whose socks it is that is gored?--
4n,e,Scoa, Queen. ,.
Sara Bernhardt says she ''can't see
how the meuresist tumbling head and
ears in love with the handsome Ameri-
can girls. - We tumble. 81
The Nihilists are willing to establish
a constitutional monarchy in Russia
but the Romanoffs hold the cards, and
will be glass bombed to glory FIRST
Netc Hdcen Register 5.5a
Z Several brothers recently cot into a
quarrel over pie and the little one felt
J less kindly toward the biggest, who took
his part, than he did toward any of the
, others.-BostOn Post
The matrimonial fever has broken
out" says the Green Bay Advocate.
The tie-fuss,. probably. - Andrews
Queen. Take care it isn't the chills and
fever.-lN T., Commercial Advertiser.
They want to call the American side
of Niagara Falls Cataract City, although
we think Catarrhville would be more
euphonious. -ah
The report that the Car has ordered
so, 600 barrels of whisky from Louisville
is of the deepest significance. +; It indi-
Gates, beyond doubt, that he is taking
measures to compromise with the Nihi-
ists-LoweU Coo,'ie,'-Jounal
t:Make minute of that duel, Mr..
Shsarer,'' said the chief to the news
editor. Cant do it." replied the sub
altern GssWhy, nota'' s'Cause there s
only. two seconds in it.' (Verdict of
accidental death, caused BY increase OF
salary.) ss5,- :. - .t...,.-.
An Italian priest proposes that in
parliamentary oratory singing be. sub
stituted for speaking, and if a man
can't sing he must only gesticulate. If
this, plan were adopted by travelling
opera troupes there would be more ges-
ttculating than singing on the stage.is
The Breakfast Table dishes up this
food for thought: ssWhen the funny
man of a London daily writes a good
Joke the editorial staff is called up,
oysters arc served and the paper don't
| appear that; day. And it is q note
worthy fact no London, daily has missed
a publication day for ten years back
The Indianapolis Herald calls atten-
ton to the fact that the very day Dali
zell, an Ohio man, refused an office, the
great earthquake at Sciooccurred. The
fact is not so surprising as the Herald
supposes. The earthquake was simply
an effort of nature to make another
opening somewhere for Mr. Dalzell. 81
.ssi.".Y ou wouldn't believe it, - remarked
Bliffers, who had just returned from
Yurrup,n .sbut I tell you it is fact.
There are plenty! of little shavers in
Paris, not. more than ors4 years old,
who can speak French?'' 'I..And Bliffers
wondered why. we manifested SO little
surprise at his. remark. -,
j Buffalo Bill is not;so great an actor
as SalFini; but when, he dashes upon
the stage, kills seven Indians. puts
thirteen to flight, removes a quantity of
cues the lovely maiden who is chained
perfectly satisfied with him. IT,.
The, manager of a theater, being
deeply impressed by the reports of re-
cent fires at places of amusement, sets
actively to work to make all possible
arrangements for eniptying his theater
in the event of an accident. ''He ought
to try and do something to fill it, re-
marks q cynical rival. ....s.,.., 't
..Its mighty strange, so it's" re-
marked MuIcahy, ''that the tinants av
ireland is the wiins to make all the
trouble. Ye wud expect now that it
Al
at all?, Phwat are We givin' usP" said
O'Flannerty., ...Why, d. ye moind now
it's the landlords that's the proper
-. t.,,,,- slT-7E OH .ls8+s a. - .iH