New Ulm weekly review. [volume] (New Ulm, Minn.) 1878-1892, 1881-03-30
PLEASANTRIES.

AaE 1r1euOSu1p OF Two women Is never
anything but plot against third.
WIZ is it that the circus elephant
never kills the clown or the lemonade
man?
WOMEN in general know that when a
man pleads his passion eloquently he is
only half in love.
A LITTLE girl who was much petted
said: II like sitting on gentlemen's
knees better than on ladies' don't you,
MAJ"
"OuR rooms are small" said she,
"but I live in my husband "Yes,"
said her friend, 81 see you; live in
fat" .=
A NAN has no remedy for his hair fall
ing of. A woman can always use hair
pins and keep on as much hair as she
likes.
CHOW, HOW many years would you
give me, sir" "Why should I give
you any, madame? Have you not
enough already?''
AN old woman confessed that when
she was young she had many lovers.
"Ah," she said, "the sweet griefs I
knew in those daysr'
ADEDHAM minister asked one of his
female Pensioners if she was ga moth
er in Israel" to which she responded,
"Oh, land sakes, no! I have never
been married T.
RESPECT my honor or trernble for
your life, she said. He thought OF her
husband and he ran away. .sAAnd there
goes" she murmured, ga coward who is
afraid of DEATH"
Snyoung ladies in Utah armed them
selves with shot-guns and went duck
hunting. By sitting perfectly still the
ducks escaped injury, but several of the
retriever dogs were seriously injured.
"Do YOU pay for poetry?'' asks a
young lady in Ohio. We do. If writ
ten on white paper, it is worth cent a
pound. Most papers do not pay for
poetry, but we want to encourage genius
in substantial manner.
On an old English tombstone is the
following:
Here hes the body Of Mary Bent;
Kicked uD her heels and avav sl,a v,o,f
THOUGHT at church fair-Faint
pocket-book never captiyatel fair lady.
A LOVER, who had gone West to make
a home for his t'birdie," wrote to her:
Give got the finest quarter-section of
land (16O acres) I ever put my foot down
on" Birdie wrote back: 'sSuppose
you buy another quarter-section, John,
SO that you can have lawn around your
foot" John made home, but Birdie.
never was the mistress Of it.
The Rev. Julius G. Snowball some
what bewildered his congregation by
saying: ''Cistern and brethren, dar will
be called meeting in this building to-
raorror ebenin'." "What's de hour?''
called out O member. eyer can come as
soon or as late Us yer pleases, provided
yer all get heah at o'clock precisely. .
-Galvcston NeaUs.
Some one was telling a story Of a lion-a
hunt in Offenbach's presence story in
which, evidently, he took but little in
terest. "Bah!" he said, at last, with a
yawn; "the lion is much oyer-rated
beast. Even the hmid hare can. on
occasion, be formidable to man." ooh.
come, now!' said every one. eyes, I
mean what say" replied Ohenbach.
"Wher one has eaten too much of
him."
In one Of her poems, ELLA Wheeler is
moved to remark:
Let the dream 60. Are there not other dreams
In Weaknesses of clouds hid from thy sight
That yet shall gid with beautiful gold CLEANS,
And shoot the shadows through and through with
Nght7
What matters one lost vision OF the night
Let the dream go!
You are right, Ella; but in tie case
Of spectacular dream, caused by too
much mince-pie or cider-one that you
are 90 anxious to have go that you would
hustle around and get it a pass if neces-
your scheme won't work. A good
old fashioned pie-dream can tire. out
any poet Chicago Tribune.