The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1881-10-28

taken by the forelock, never by the fet-
lock.
No room was ever made large enough
to hold both a fat man and mosquito.
CHRONIC LoosESEss or THE BOWELS
results from imperfect digestion. The
causes lie in the torpidity of the liver.
A regular habit of body can be secured
by taking Simmons Liver Regulator TO
aid digestion, to stimulate the dull and
sluggish liver and rid the system of ex
cessive and poisonous bile The Regula-
tor corrects acidity of the stomach, cures
dyspepsia and permanently creates regu.
larity of the bowels alike free from lax
ity or costveness.
81 have never seen or tried such a
simple, eficacious, satisfactory and pleas
ant remedy in my life as Simmons Liver
Regulator.
al. Hainer. st. Louis, Mo.
A sexton recently arrived from War
saw. has been engaged by telegraph
company on account of his experience in
planting Poles.
The clam has larger mouth in pro
portion than human being, yet clam
never talks about its neghbor
PHYSICIANS WINE.
New York physicians say that they
have been using Speers Port Grape
Wine and Wine Bitters in their practice
for years, to the entire satisfaction of
their patients and themselves, and take
great pleasure in recommending them
to the public as being all that is claimed
for them, and, in fact, the most reliable
they can find 1t is especially recon-
mended tor consumptives, the aged and
for females generally. For sale by G.
A. Klein, druggist, Bloomsbury, Pa.
1t is said that all fashionable horses
at Saratoga have their tails banged The
questionable mules have their ribs
banged.
"Why did you steal that watch?" ask
ed benign judge of prisoner "Sim-
ply because | felt a little unwell." was
the reply, land doctor told me to take
something" "Ah, but why did you take
a watch" persisted the man of law and
order. Without changing muscle the
thief answered, Because | thought, yoar
honor, that, if only had time should
feel better"
Curious fact: The man who won't
work for a dollar day will spend two
hours trying to solve riddle for moth
ing.
Fogg scores one: 81 have come to
the conclusion" said Brown, 'that the
less man knows the. happier he is" Gal
low me to congratulate you Brown" said
Fogg
sKILLFUL PREPARATION
Composed of roots barks, and plants.
act in harmony, and are pleasant and
effective medicine, constitute Burdock
Blood Bltters, of which highly commend
atory reports are being constantly receiv-
ed. Price 81, trial size 10 cents.
A little shaking up occasionally will
, do young men good. They who have
been blanks may become double skies.
When member of the German Par
Lament is delivered of Joke it goes
over as unfinished business. They lanoh
; at it next day.
2 SIGNIFICANT FACT
7 The cheapest medicine in use is Thorn
: as Eclectric Oil, because SO very little of
it is required to effect a cure. For croup.
dlphtheria, and diseases of the lungs and
throat, whether used for bathing the
: chest or throat, or for taking internally
S or lnhaling 1t is matchless compound.
: In Siberia they have five or six hurri
y canes day during the summer, and
C when western man visits that country
! he never gets homesick.
\ New Jersey is trying to claim Noah.
- - because he was Newark man. Yes.
y but you know he looked out of his Ark
), ansaw land. Give the South a fair
% show in this thing
# How often persons have been annoyed
Is by burs clinging to their dress or cloth
e. ing, and how seldom have they, whel
It cleaning them, given it thought that
d burdock Root is the most valuable BLOOD
" cleanser aud purifier known, and is sole
b by every drggist under the name of Bur
ID dock Blood Bitters. Price 81, trial siz,
's 10 cents.
he According 10 the dentists, huma,
is teeth are degenerating at such a rapi,
,h rate that in a few generations babe
I'd will be born with false teeth.
~ III Ayers Ague Cnre should be in ever
=. household in regions where fever an
~ ague prevail, 1t should be taken as
n preventative by every resident and tray
'rs eler in malarial districts.
Il fear," said country curate to hi
,o+ flock, when / explained to YOU in m
al last charity sermon that philanthrop
h. was the lover of our species, you ma
bo have misunderstood me to say specie
ch which accounts for the smallness of Il
,oa collection.
of There is a Baltimore boy named &c
ter lie" who is just out of his dresses.
nd friend of the family asked Ollie "who
er- boy he was?"
ge, I'm mammals boy"
sh, "Why, Ollie!" said his father !
ng, proachfully
is "Yes, continued Ollie, "and I'm papa
boy"
"How can that be-" asked the frien
h a why, my gracious" was the rep
His "can't wagon have two horses?"
say Mr.. Walter F. McCune, of Pittsbul
IN Pa, writes; "My age is 2S years.
'lea was born with an excellent CONSTITUTE
IN but at the age of 10, having Just finish
uily my collegiate education,I fell into hal
was OF dissipation. After six years of fast
pe ing l felt my constitution broken do,
put myself under the care of one
our best physicians, His treatm,
tute seemed to do me no good. Finally
Aus said at best | could live but a few yeG