Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1881-09-14
HumOrsOme Waits.


A NoRRIsTowN man, the father Of large
family, calls his flour barrel "Maud s." 1t
goes SO fast.-Norristown Herald.
PEORIA, long celebrated for manufacturing
whiskey, is now making internal machines.
Any place will grow better after time
Boston Post.
A VERY small boy can get outside of a
very large watermelon in very small space
of time; but it takes very large doctor to
harmonize the two.-Rochester Democrat.
If you grasp a rattlesnake about the
neck, he cannot hurt you, says western
paper. To be perfectly safe, it would be
well to let the hired man do the grasping.-
Hartford Times.
"PARTING is such sweet SORROW" re-
marked bald old bachelor to pretty girl
as he told her good night. 81 should SMILE"
she replied, glancing upon his hairlessness
and wondering how he ever did it.
A sIx-PoUND orange has grown in Cali
fornia. 1t weighed only one pound when
it was picked, but twelve editors have seen
it since, and there's nothing in California
like editors to make things grow.
"ELoIsE" asks if we will publish her
poem on the {" The Wavelet of the Rivulet."
With smilelet upon our facelet, we reply
yes. Write only one sidelet of the sheetlet,
Eloise, and put on enough stamplets. Your
pomelet shall have spaceet.
THERE is a vast deal of religion in the
world which resembles that of the poor
Dutchman's wife, of whom the afflicted
husband said when announcing her death,
"Was she resigned to her fate Why, of
course, she was, but mostly because she had
to be-"
KENTUCKY has produced a mule with
eight legs. If the Irish skirmishers want to
ship something more terrible than an infer
nal machine to England let them buy that
critter before the United States army secures
it as Calling gun.-Philadelphia Chronicle
Herald.
AT the annual meeting of the Victoria
Philosophical Institute Of Great Britain, re-
Gently held in London, one of the speakers
was Sir ii. Barkly, X. G.. b., G. c. NJ. g.,
| +. X. s." The room being crowded he left
the rest Of the alphabet hanging upon the
hatrack in the estibule.-NorristoD Herald.
NINE. d. to one of her friends You
have seen the comet, have you not 7" Not
very we'll have been going to bed early
these last three or four nights. But this
evening intend to sit up and have good
look at it," The maid servant who happens
to be in the room" Oh madame, then il
it going through this street 7"
AN inquisitive old gent poked his heat
in a printing Office door and asked, Who
is dead ?" The man at the wheel answered
"Nobody that have heard Of" The old
gent asked, What is this Grape on the dool
for p The boss then went out and found
| hot ba lax,,l - haI hupr ba al off ,a
towel on the door-knob while he chased a
lame pigeon up an alley.
SEASIDE hotel keeper-Yes, we think i
would be perfectly safe for you to have biz
wooden sea serpent made, and anchor it OF
shore with about eight hundred feet of rope
80 it could drift about, and with head tina
will rise and fall with the motion of tn
waves. You needn't be afraid of any
body's going near enough to the thing T.
discover the experimentation Post.
A scHooLMAsTER tells the following story
Z" / was teaching in quiet country village
The second morning session had leisure +
survey my surroundings, and among tn
scanty furniture ] espied three-legged stoo
Is this the Ounce block 2 / asked a it'll
girl of five. The dark eyes sparkled, the curl
nodded assent, and the lips rippled out, 8
suppose so the teacher always sits on it. "
SKIGGINs was asked what he though
about cremation. He said it was all RICH
enough for those who liked it, and goo
many would use it because it was cheap
but he did not think it would be good il
summer any way. Others who wishe
might experiment on such new-fangled NJ
tions, but as for Mrs. S. and himself the
would stick TO the old-fashioned butter, n
matter what it cost.--Haryord Times.
A MEMBER of Parliament, wishing to col
cliate voter, sent him splendid pineal
pie from his dollhouse. 81 hope you like
it," he said TO the old man, when he mt
him few days afterward. "Well, ye
thankee, pretty well. But suppose we Sol
of people are not used TO them fine thing
and don't know how to eat EN-" "Ho
, did you eat it, then :" asked the M.
"Well," said the man, ave boiled i'm
, "Boiled it 2" sighed the M. p, in horro
| thinking of his pineapple. "Yes, we boile
i'm with leg OF mutton"
Ben MELLETT, colored man, came in
: Little Rock, Ark, and, finding the Unite
0 States Judge, said "l's got piece of bus
y ness fer yer TO transact" swell" reptile
the Judge, proceed" rs arter divorce
, al have very little to do with such case
S But why do you wish to sever the ties tn
/, bind you to companion, who, in all pro
v ability, is much too good for you Z" AKA
l. can't get along wild him, ledge" I" Him
l. "Yes, sah-himl" "You didn't marry
o man, did you 2" "No, sir. married
1t likely culled oman ez ye ever seed, and
is don't want no divorce from her. wants
divorce from my SON." "From your son
If Yes-kase dat boy is monstous sight
a. trouble, an spen's cherry nickle he kin {
| his hans on" "There's no such thing as
" divorce from a son." "Dar may not be
de law but dar is wild me. What's de Ii
t, fur, ii il amt TO perfect a man ? Any IN
as can git divorce from his Wife but gift
~ one from his son is one OBJ de fine pint
Is. Say, now, jedge, de law on de pint OF tee
ID nicallty kin do anything. Can't yer ma
lta "A taohnioalitu taat ~ nLia,,o Ia ala 49,,