Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-09-09
F. U n


And without preparation. sans collar, sans stock
He took his vacation-h walked round the block
F. u n
THE NEW SPRING DODGE.-She was
looking out of the window when he enter
ed the yard, and she said to herself that he
might ring the bell until he was tired, for
she didn't want to buy any soap, and had
nothing for tramps. He rang and rang,
and after the seventh or eighth peal she
went to the door to bless him.
s'Thls is the greatest piece Of impudence
I ever saw she exclaimed, as she pulled
the door open.
again. He had poor clothes and hungry
look, but there was something captivating
in his smile.
swell 20 she queried as she held the
door.
my errand is very pleasant one. and
yet feel somewhat embarrassed in max
ing it known"
'sIf you have any bills to collect, you
must call when my husband is in - she
observed.
"Bills, oh. no, Madam, you have perhaps
noticed in the papers that a book entitled,
Prominent women Of Michigan is soon to
be published ?''
ssI-I-y-e-S. think So"
"We1l. it is to be Illustrated with en-
cravings of 100 striking faces. Ny in
structions are not to look for beauty so
much as for marked expression of deep
thought. I was instructed to call here
and ask you if you would permit the pub
fishers to publish your wood-cut in the
Forthcoming book p
s'Who could have sent your"
ST dare not tell. Yours is to be pub
lished on the first page. and only nine
more will be taken from the city,
ssAnd what's the charger"
"Nothing. If you want the book you
will have to pay So, but you are not asked
to take it,"
81 can't see why they have selected
me.''
beg pardon, ma'am, but yours is very
striking face. It portrays an expression
of strength of character [ never saw
equalled. Many ladies have offered me as
high as $40 to put them in the book, but
we cannot 60 outside Of our selections.
81 can't give you decided answer TO-
day." she said. after thinking it over
stPerhaps my husband will object. You
may call again tomorrow, and you will
please accept this for your trouble. "
ssLiberality as we'll as strength of char.
acter,'' he chuckled as he pocketed the
bill. Every well; will call at this hour
Tomorrow"
That was two weeks ago, but the woman
is not expecting him. She has learned
from her husband that this is cold world
and that Gulliver's Travels will be sent to
all subscribers for the prominent women
book.-Detroit Free Press.
RECENT Posi- OFFICE RULEs.-Feather
beds are non- maiIa5le.
Eggs must be sent when new, or not at
all.
A pair Of onions will go for two scents.
Ink bottles must be corked when sent by
mail.
Over three pounds of real estate are not
transmailable.
Parties are required to lick their own
postage stamps and envelopes; and the
Postmaster, too, if he is not polite and
obliging.
An arrangement has been perfected by
which letters without postage will be i'm
mediately forWarded-to the dead letter
office.
Parties are earnestly requested not to
send postal cards with money orders in
closed, as large sums are frequently lost in
that way.
Nitro-glycerine must be forwarded at
risk of sender. If it should blow up in F
Ms hands he cannot be held responsible.
When letters are received bearing n
direction, the parties for whom they are
intended will please signify the fact to the
postmaster, that he may at once forward.
Mrs. Topnoody," sadly remarked Mr..
T.. after an agitated scene, "you are not
what l thought you were in the happy
days of YOUTH
''Oh, I amt, ain It I?o
mo, you are not. l thought You were
an angel, and now-and now"
''And now" broke in Mrs. T., land now
you find that you're fool, and that angels
amt in the habit of singing pots and dishes
around. and spanking babies. and sewing
on buttons. and wrestling with kitchen
stoves, and making muslin plasters for
husbands with the collie, and bossing hired
girls. and doing the cooking for big fam
lily, besides going to church and being
married to Topnoody, all the time. No!
Topnoody, angels amt in the habit of do
ing such things, and it is mighty good
thing they amt or the angel business
wouldn't last till the middle of next
week.
Topnoody did not pursue the converse.
ton further, but put on his hat and went
down street to wonder how many women
were angels.
Two men afflicted with suffering hap
pened to meet upon highway, when, on
saluting, each discovered that the other
suffered pretty badly, and the following
conversation occurred: Mr.. Brownie
Hong h-h-have y-y-you s-s-stuttered 20
Mr.. Smith, -b-bout. f-f-fve ye-years. :
Mr.. BROWN h-why d-d-don't y-y-you
ego s-see D-doc-d-doctor B-?'' Mr..
Smith -why, lis he a-a-any g-good p
Mr.. Brown A-a-any g-g-good ? WV
well, II g-g-gu-guess h-he ills; h-he
c-c-cured m-me!"
The feelings of the short lady who looks
or the fashion MATES in the journals and IN