Iowa County democrat. [volume] (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1877-1938, 1881-07-15
IN 4 NUTSHELL

A Connecticut man has invented n
pipe that will light itself This is an
underhanded way to attempt to force
house-palnters to find some new way
to kill time.-B Boston Post
George-Your article on The Cat"
is purr-posely omitted No doubt it
would afford much a-mews-ment 10 the
reader; but We must paws somewhere
on making up this weeks issue, and
we do 50 at the cats tail-TonkerS Ga
sette.
The fashion of wearing gold pigs as
jewelry was mean trick, | know. Sis,
on the daughters of Israel. - Puck.
Trick, / know Sisr' The man who
perpetrated such magnificent tribute
to our national quadruped should be
presented with the freedom of Chicago.
-Nec York Commercial Advertiser
An Iowa exchange says: Sunday
morning our Devil stole pail and
slipped off to the prairie and picked
about six quarts of nice delicious wild
Strawberries. On his return we read
him a severe lecture on Sabbath break
ing, and - he divided the berries with
us.
.Aunty," said her neice, hall open
ing the old lady's bedroom door, about
l o'clock in the morning, .'there's Il
smell of burning spirits in the house,
and l came to tel you" "Oh, don't
disturb yourself, my dear. It's only
your uncle. He returned just after
midnight, and is resting himself in the
hallway. Brooklyn Eagle.
Gerster, while en- route home on ship
board, sang iii "a charity entertainment
A sailor listened, and thus gave ex-
preston to his feelings Now, tell
yer, and hang me, if that thar don't
natur I've heard tell of, and l owns up
to feelin' moist in my headlights"
The New Orleans Picdy"ne informs
us that man by the name of Hash
has been sent rs a missionary to the
cannibals under the belief that the ma
tives will not eat him. Was the gen
tleman's Christian name Corn Beef or
Goldfish? The Hash family are we'll
known; they belong to one of the oldest
and most respectable Southern board
ing houses in Washington.-New York
Commercial
Mr. jay Gould was asked by Chi
cago reporter whether 1.-THE narrow
guage MANIA" in the West could not
be stopped? No" replied Mr. Gould,
you can't stop anything in this coun-
try. The country is too big. l made
up my mind long ago not to attempt
to stem any ideas, but to be fashiona-
BILE and drift along with the crowd,
keeping as near to the shore as possi-
ble.''
"Your first wife was woman of con-
siderable force of characterr' eyes,
she had force" he said, securing a
grease spot on his waistcoat with his
thumb. Powerful mental machin-
ery?" "Well, | don't recollect much
about that, but she had force. l never
liked to oppose her in anything if there
was billet Of WOO handy" Brooklyn
Eagle
Four drawing rooms are held yearly
III London. The Lord Chamberlain
gives notice of each IN the London Ga.
zette, and the daily papers copy it.
Then ensues struggle for the honor
and glory Of q presentation on the part
of those, who having no special claim
to the invitation, covet 1t above all
other things. To be presented is to be-
come current coin i'll society through
out the civilized world
Il can't think all sinners will be
lost" said Mrs. Nimbletung. There's
my husband, now. He's bad man, a
very bad man, but | trust he will be
saved at last | believe he has suffered
his due share III this life "Amen !"
said Nimbletung from the back seat.
Mrs. n. gave him such look, but said
nothing.
The Manchester Mirror man gives
some of his relatives from the country
dead away in the following manner:
Two old ladies, evidently from the
interior Of the state, were walking on
Elm street one day this week, when
one of them discovered bunch Of ban
anas. Stopping to look at them, she
adjusted her glasses and exclaimed:
Well, do declare, if them amt bigger
string beans than | ever saw in Bris-
tol.
An army colonel, who hoped to be
appointed to the Brigadier Generalship
which General Miles afterward received,
was seen gazing at the skies one night.
"What are you looking for Colonel
Mackenzie 2" said Captain Mclaughlin.
"Oh, said the Colonel, Il am looking
for star" Colonel, : replied the Cap
tain, there's Miles between you and
that star" And there was-DetroH
Free Press
A California hunter, on a recent ex-
pedition, had occasion to cross a very
wide and rapid stream. Among his
dogs was terrier and Newfoundland.
The terrier refused to enter the water,
and the Newfoundland tried several
times to lead him in, by boldly plung-
ing in and wagging his tail in conf
dent manner, but the terrier only kept
further from the stream. At last, dis
gusted by the timidity of the little cur,
the big dog rushed at the alarmed ter
rier, seized him by the neck and
jumped in the torrent with him. The
terrier yelled murder" and police"
in the most expletive language known
to the canine tongue, until the New
foundland deposited him safely on the
other side.
A plant which grows wild in Louisi-
ana has just been discovered to possess
valuable fiber. 1t is the | Caroliniana,
the pest of the alluvial lands, called 10
cally wild indigo, coffee weed and
SIENNA The plant has fibrous bark,
easily reduced, and is valuable fiber
for many purposes. 1t is not so fine as
jute. but it is quite as strong. 1t is
well suited for the manufacture of
bagging, sacking, mating and rope.
This weed springs up spontaneously m
the fields after the corn is laid by, and
attains its growth and goes to seed be-
fore frost. 1t costs nothing for its pro-
duction, and the only expense is at
tendant upon its harvesting and prep
aration for the market.
The President
NEW YORK, July SO p. m.-The
Commercials Washington special says: