The Indianapolis leader. (Indianapolis, Ind.) 1879-1890, 1881-12-31
The Bumptious Boy.
lHarpers' Bazaar.


The Bumptious Boy.
IHarpers' Bazar.l
1t seems to be pretty we'll agreed upon by
domestic critics that the boy as household
institution is not an object of unalloyed de-
light, although he is to be endured as nee.
essary evil. Of course that applies to every
ordinary boy at all, but hero born, an in
cipient demi-god, the young st. George
himself-althougl the neighbors may de-
clare him to be st. George and the Dragon
too, since nothing in his path is left alive
1t is in boy nature inc gitably to be act
i've. lesping, laughing, living; the growing
bones and muscles will have full play, the
healthy lungs full cry. A boy that is any
sort of boy must he gay and noisy. and
must make an atm osphere of colnmotion
about himself and his boots, his dogs, his
guns, or his want of all those and like
things. If he sat still and talked under his
breath, We should know something was the
matter of him, and expect but poorly for
his future; and so, if our nerves are
in tolerable health. and nobody is
really i'll in the house, we welcome
all his racket and stir, and would
not have one sound, one echo, the less of his
calling, and jumping, and running, and
whistling, and bouncing and slamming, and
if other folks object to him, we congratulate
ourselves that his affairs are none of other
folks business, and look forward to the time
when they will regret their inability to per-
ceive the greatness If the man that was
folded in the boy to await its timely de-
velopment.
But this is merely the common boy of
North America, as Aunt Jane in "Mslbone"
boy. There is something about this one diff
fering from the normal and generic boy. He
is not the eviI-disposed boy, the bad boy, or,
worse than any Of the others for daily use
| and comfort, he is not the bumptious boy
For of all things in family, shrews and
scolds and busy-bodies, the bumptious boy is
the most intolerable
The bumptious boy is always several
years older than the family Bible registers
him, and he impresses the circumstance
upon you every day by means of his
sublime effrontery. While you consider
him the veriest youth, he considers
himself already q man, and as far as
he can acts up to the assump-
ton. His tongue is in every dialogue; his
opinion is protfered on every point; bis ad-
vice is forced upon you, whether the affairs
be momentous or trihing. He receives your
guests for you before you can do it yourself;
he takes the burden of their entertainment;
he criticises the cookery with the air of DR..
Kitchener; he is gallant to the housemaids,
who hi NOR him because it is so laugbable;
he affects airs of society, makes calls on
amused ladies. has engraved cards if he can
| get them, makes a fuss about his linen; his
correspondence becomes voluminous, and he
is overrun with occupations and engage
ments. He apologies for appearing to neg
lect you; he offers to do services with his
superior facilities; he pretends to the conf
dence OF people that he knows you respect;
he comments on their peculiarities, too; he
opens the morning paper and peruses it,
whether his elders wait for it or not, and
knows all there is to know on politics, being
sure not to spouse his fathers side. lest he
be thought to take the cold mans" opinions
ready-made He losses off a glass of wine at
table. when he knows no one will like to
dispute it, and calls for another, to let you
see what a man he is, and what a head he
has; he swaggers into gentleman's room
and helps himself to cigars; into q lady's
boudolr and busies himself with her
work-basket, while affecting q knowl-
edge of the world that would make
her laugh in her sleeve if it were
not exceedingly offensive. He hints darkly;
he assumes to have had affairs and expert
ences; if 1t were not unmanly to boast, he
would tell you of many women that are in
love with him-with hin, just out of his
pinafores! He practices for future love-mak.
ing with his aunts and girl cousins, and
kisses them in q manner that makes their
fingers Jingle to box bis ears Jingle dozen
times over, if it were not for their Christian
kindness in hesitating to amaze him, and
hurt his surprised feelings by repulsing his
affections.
In short, he is an urchin just in his teens
with an overweening and colossal conceit OF
hin;self who is a scourge and a nuisance
bit who amuses everybody so much that he
hardly kindels lasting Indignation, while the
family hope concerning him is that he may
one day have sense enough to see what 9
fool he has been.
You feel, neverless-if not so closely
bound to him as to feel nothing of the sort
that the acquaintance OF this bumptious boy
is detrimental to every other boy with whom
he comes in contact, and for the sake of the
human race in general, and of affording it az
little injury as possible rather than let loose
upon it this hurtful species, you endure his
well-meant lnsolence, and the liabilities he
takes, yourself, and long for the years to
come that shall put an end to his forth put
ting airs and graces, and make him a man.
perhaps not any the more disagreeable fol
having at the early stage graduated in his
bumpiiousness, and cast it of with the things
that are behind.