Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1881-11-03

"Lud amercy! cried the Drlde, an IS IL
done?'
You bet 'tis-easy as spellin and now
we'll go," said the man and they mounted
the horse double and rode out of town.
A Fathers ADvICE-Not long ago, a
young man in Carson got married, and start.
ed to California with his young wife. As he
boarded the train his father bade him good
by and gave him.the paternal blessing.
"My son" said the aged sire, shaking with
emotion, etc., remember these words if you
never see me again: Never go into place
where you would not take your wife"
The couple settled in Mariposa county, and
last week the old man went down to visit
them. He proposed a. bear hunt, and they
were fortunate enough to track a grizzly to
his lair among some Of the boulders in the
chaparral As thetwo approached, the bear
reused up and sept forth growl Of defiance
which shook theErees.
go in there fand kill him." said the old
man, excitedE.
The son Held back, further acquaintance
with the bear seeming, in semsrespect, unde-
"Count\pe out Re said.
"Have l crossed the seas and settled in
America to raise a coward" shouted the
father, brandishing his gun.
"But 1 recollect your advice when | left
Carson" was the reply. "How can l forget
your sage precepts? Didn't you tell me nev.
er to 90 where I could not take my wife ?
Now, how would Sal look in there with that
bear?"
The old man clasped his dutiful son to his
bosom, and, as the bear issued forth, he ex-
claimed:
"Speaking of Sally, let US hasten home
Our prolonged absence might cause her need
less alarm"
In about fifteen minutes they had reached
the ranch, the old man little ahead, and the
distance was about four miles.
MORAL SUAs1oN ON A RAM.-When a
friend of ours, whom we shall call Agricola,
was boy, he lived on farm in Berkshire
county, the owner of which was troubled by a
dog.wolf. The cur killed his sheep, knowing,
perhaps, that he was conscientiously opposed
to capital punishment, and he could devise
no means to prevent it.
81 can break him of ii" said Agricola, "if
you will give me leave
Thou art permitted, said the honest far.
mer; and we will let Agricola tell the story
in his own words:
There was ram on the farm" said Ag-
ricola, las notorious for butting as Wolf for
sheep stealing, and which stood in as much
need of moral suasion as the dog. [ shut
Wolf up in the barn with this old fellow, and
the consequence was that the dog never look
ed sheep in the face again. The ram broke
every bone in his body, literally. Wonder
fully uplifted was the ram aforesaid, by his
exploit his insolence became intolerable he
was sure to pitch into whomsoever went nigh
him. "I'll fix him." said |, and so did. l
rugged an iron crowbar out of hole in the
barn, point foremost, and hung an old hat on
the end of it. You can't always tell, when
you see hat, whether there is head in it
or not now, then, should ram? Aries
made at it full butt, and being good marks
man from long practice, the bar broke in be-
tween his horns, and came out under his tail.
This little admonition eAectually cured him
of buttiDg."
MISUNDERSTANDING other day the
conductor of train on N. Y. Railroad,
discovered an Irishman in the car, soon after
starting from Rome, and demanded his fare.
Pat declared he had no money. The con-
ductor, after lecturing him, told him to leave
at the first stopping place, not far distant.
Accordingly, Pat was one of the first to get
off at the next station. But judge of the
conductors surprise and wrath to find him
aboard when fairly under way.
Ibid 1 not tell you to get off,"
"And sure did,
"Why then are you here again p
"And sure, did you not say Call aboard p
PUFF FEXTRAORDINARY.-O OF our Penn
sylvania exchanges thus sets forth the virtues
of certain nostrum: at is a remarkable
fact, and one which speaks volumes for Pro-
fessor Reeds Magnetic Oil, that during all
the intensely cold weather Of the present win
ter, he has not been obliged to purchase
single load of fuel. This is accounted for by
the fact that so many patients visited him on
crutches, who being cured outright, left those
dissgreeable appendages behind, and the &C.
cumulation was so great, when the cold snap
came on, that when cut up, the Professor
found that he had near two cords of good
6rewood in his vault!'
SUICIDE.-The following is an anecdote of
DIR. Johnson
Boswell once asked Johnson if there was
no possible circumstance under which suicide
would be justi6able.
"No," was the reply.
"Well," says Boswell, suppose man had
been guilty of some fraud that he was GER
tain would be found out?"
why, then" says johnson, Gin that case let
him 60 so some country where he is not known,
and not to the devil where he is known"
s9- A Jealous but ignorant negro preacher
in expounding to his flock as to the astound-
ing nature Of miracles got triae confused in
the matter. He said, "My beloved friends,
the greatest of miracles was bout the loaves
and fshes-dare was 5000 loaves and 1000
fishes, and de twelve 'postles had to eat dem
all, and de miracle is dey didn't bust"