, 1881-11-13
LOCAL ITEMS.

.when the Chicago man saw Niagara he
shed tears, "Durn it,'' said he, ~ ami
enough OF liar to describe it and MAKE ~
out any bigger than it is. Pm hoored." inns
citizen was not named Storey.
The popularity Of the Common-Sense
Lunch Room, corner of State and Randolph,
and the Board of Trade Lunch Room, 119 ana
l2l Lii Sale street, is evidently OIL tue III
crease. Owing to the closing OF the Cen1ral
Cafe the proprietor is enabled to give better
attention and more prompt service at tnese
far-fatued resorts They now have 4 1u!l
corps OF polite and attentive walters. anu
will continue to serve the best Of everything
our markets afford.
"Cleanlness,," I'VE are told. us next 10
godliness.', Under these circumstances we
may assume that soap is next to charity, at
all events let's soapso or soapose SO. ..
Iangs,ltn, the optician. 4S Madison street,
has one of L. IL J. Bcck's celebrated 1nlcro-
scopes, valued at $50. All interested SHOULD
not fail to cali before Thursday neAt, ,"heh IL
will b. shipped to fill an order.
Circus performers live only: twelve years.
Circus clowns live (nlasD hnndred.-En-
chime. We did not suppose the losses we're
represented i'll the circus ring i'll this way.
An intcllcctual-looking waiter at pronll-
nent city restaurant, upon q patron nnatns
hair in Ills butter. was observer ttylns 10
match it with the hair Of his fellow hash
dispensers.
The great rush at Wehe's closing out sale.
/ XII West Madison, still continues. Ladies'
button, fox-tlannel lined, $3.50; fine peb. goaE
do, s.; mems fine dress boot, ~; mems calf
button, So
A bridge over I? stream in Missouri bears
the legend: "Driye over us fast It's YOU want
to and be durnedr' Everybody, therefore,
drives at q walk.
The young man on Saturday night goeth
into tue candy palace and pureilaSetlt -
box Of candy for his best girls Sunday lunch.
while lie who is married buyeth can Ut
oysters for % cents and is happy.
Why is it that Cooper, the halter, does such
gond business ut 134 Clark street? Because
Ills goods and prices suit every one.
Just as soon as SOME American genius in
vents stove to burn clinkers no man with z
coal stove will again be able to find one Of
the nulsanctS.
The universal opinion is that the Opera
Puff Cigarettes are the best III the world.
-Four good-looking young ladies are each
laying pipes for the Cierkship of the next
Ohio House. Wise girls. Yuu have learned
that 4 good pipe is dear to the heart OF the
Ohio voter.
Always examine prices of millinery, at
.1lall's, - West Madison street, then buy
elsewhere If you would cheat yourself.
said Gen. Jackson. Perhaps the best way Is
to shut your eyes and pull tile tri gger. Per-
faps with SOME men the least danger IS at
the other cltl Of the gun.
Ladies who wear tasty bonners Of superior
qualities patronize Hall. l01 State street.
is patriotism dying out?' asks the
I1ltcr-Occan. No, sir; notmnci it isn't. In
places where there are no saloons they sell
it in drug stores.
Many young men commenced ut H. B.
Bryimt's Business College the past week.
Philadelphia has over a thousand shops
and factories without fire-escapes.
II knew he was no saint" said the par
sons wife, referring to party who only oc-
casionally attended church, but Whose piety
ller husband had been i'll the habit Of ex-
tolllng.
No saint, my dear 2-I don't understand
you.'
Don't, eh J.? Well, he sat in the pew next
to ours this morning, and when he made be-
lieve 90 down to pray his llnee-joints. creaked
like the rusty hinges Of All old bartl-door."