The Colfax chronicle. [volume] (Colfax, Grant Parish, La.) 1877-1981, 1881-07-02
MR.. BIGGs HELPS CLEAN HOUSE

ciate with spring budding branches,
twittering birds, green grass, azure
skies, frisking lambs and golden dam
delions. ssln the spring, the young
mans fancy lightly turns to thoughts
of love- says somebody. He might
have added-in the spring the middle
aged mans fancy turns, not so lightly.
to thoughts Of mud malaria and house
cleaning. have just finished suffering
from the latter abomination. Among
sundry antiquated notions of domestic
economy to which Mrs. Biggs clings
with tenacityo worthy of more adj
vanced views is the idea that in every
weIl-regulated household there should
be an annual scrubbing. overhauling
and carpet-beating from cellar 10 attic.
/ have tried. by every form of argu-
ment and entreaty, to persuade my
wife to abandon 50 irrational custom.
How unsuccessful have been, let the
lump that mars the symmetry of my
head and the black and blue spot on
my left shin testify.
In France, believe, q criminal con-
demned to death is kept in ignorance
of the day set for his execution until it
arrives. Animated by similar spirit
of mistaken humanity, Mrs. Biggs never
lets me know when she is going 10 clean
house until she actually begins the oper-
alton.
When. a few nights since-on that
very warm night. you know-I came
home and found the basement hall bar
ricaded by the refrigerator, / at once
realized that Mrs. Biggs had commenced
hostilities. Squeezing between the end
OF the refrigerator and the wall. and
nearly stepping into q basketful of
empty glass fruit jars, / made my way
into the dining room. The extension
table was decorated with a roll of oil
cloth, standing on end amid an impos-
ing array of glass and china. saw
there. for the first time in many years.,
an old fashioned tea service, presented
to Mrs. Biggs by her father on the day
she became Mrs: Biggs, and also two
decanters, with half dozen wine glass;
es, whose coating of dust and cobwebs
spoke more for the temperance princi-
pies of the family than for the neatness
Of Mrs. Biggs and Hermione. The
chairs were occupied by what might be
called q job lot of household articles,
ranging from an earthen pot containing
. geranium that never saw in bloom
to Q corrugated fatiron that l never
saw any use for. ~,
Amos" called Mrs. Biggs from the
kitchen, lis that you?'
''Yes, |" l answered. ssHow long be-
fore supper win be readyP'
40, in few moments; lust as soon
as Hermione takes up the second-story
stair carpet. 9se
''ls she at it nowp" ~
No; but she is going at it when she
finishes taking down the back parlor
stove pipe" ..i i'8 +
"That'll be some time in the vicinity
Of midnight, suppose" assksg "a
II dare saw" responded Mrs. Biggs,
coolly. "Hermione must not be hur-
ried, for she has been working all day
and is very tired. You might expedite
matters, Amos, by going up stairs and
giving her lift. We will have to eat
In the kitchen. you know, because the
dining room is all upset"
/ did not follow Mrs. Biggs' sugges-
ton to give Hermione lift, but waited,
with what patience l could muster, un-
til il pleased Providence and my wife to
give me some supper. The meal was
served in the most primitive style upon
q bare table. The tea was weak-the
cheese, otherwise. We had smoked
"beef," which Amos, Jr., in expressive
pantomime, declared to be smoked
mule. OF course. reproved him, al
though think myself that to call that
meat beef is libel on the bovine spe-
cies. ~.
After our repast Mrs. Biggs, in tone
of tender interest. asked me il l felt
tired. la
mot very, my DEAR" was my indis-
Greet reply.
.''vell, won't you please help Hermit
one with the front parlor carpetP'
'sWhat does she want to do with ita'
/ asked.
"Why beat it, to be sure. Did you
think she meant to make spring suits
out of itp"
Lucretia, said, with great dig
nifty, ''when . man has worked hard all
day at the butter and egg business he
expects to find rest and quiet in his
home. What did / lind in mine to-
nightP The house in disorder, the hall
In , state of effective blockade and
everything looking ~ though the prem
ises had been bombarded. That's bad.
Then you get up supper that is an in
suit to respectable stomach That is
worBe. And now, on top Of all, you
heap the browning atrocity of asking
me 10 best carpets! What do You think
am made or"
IF you are going to make 9 fuss
bout II, Amos, III 70 out and help
Hermoine myself, and you may stay in
he house and Rad"
(" No. you shall do nothing OF the
ort. What en- TO beat the carpet
vithr'