The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-02-03
Snoonendrhe,s snrdines.

Spoopendyke, tossing over the laces and
ribbons in his wife's bureau-arawer,
WHATS become of the can-openerP l
don't see it anywhere"
| "What do you want of itP" asked
Mrs. Spoopendyke, fluttering up to pro.
tect er trinkets, and trying to gain
little time.
81 want to open some sardines with
it," retorted Mr.. Spoopendyke,a abandon
ing the drawer and hunting through the
work-basket. Think l want to comb
my hair with itp Imagine | wanted to
write letter with itP Well, don't. |
want some sardin 8. What have you
done with itP"
You might take your big knife"
recommended Mrs Spoopendyke. "The
large blade is Just the thing for that"
Mr.. Spoopendyke seized the knife and
| bored away at one corner of the box,
while hls wife looked on with consider
able distress.
| -" Hadn't you better put paper under
| the boxP You'll get the oil all over the
table CLOTH" suggested Mrs. Spoopen
dyke:
mo, I won't either, ,"said Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, as the knife plunged through
and the oil spattered. "Serve you right
IL did" he continued, plowing away
at the tin, while the grease flew in all
directions. 1T would teach you to put
the can opener where you could find it;
| what kind of housekeeping do you call
this, anyhowp" he yelled, as the blade
slipped out and closed up on his fingers.
| Did you hurt yourself, dearp" asked
Mrs: Spoopendyke. anxiously.
No, didn't hurt myseif," grinned
Mr. Spoopendyke. "The dod gasted
knife struck the bone. or would have
been dead with agony an hour ago.
Give me some etherT he howled.
Fetch me some chloroform! S'pose I'm
going to saw at this box any more
without an anesthetic ? Got an idea
I'm going to chip off couple dozen
fingers without something TO deaden
painP Where's the laughing gasp Give
me some laughing gas while l extract
these measly old fish," and Mr.. Spoop-
endyke pra1ced around the room, and
then jabbed the knife into the box
again, and ripped away as though he
was run by steam. mo use to hide
away from mer' he yelled, hacking
away at the box with all his might.
II know you're in there, and there
can't be any dod gasted sardire that
ever was built getaway from me. Come
out, tell yeW and he seized a fish by
the tai and slung him across the room.
You're transacting business with
Spoopendyke now!" and he clawed out
a handful of mashed sardines and
slappe1 them down on a Plate.
-" Won't you spoil 'em, dearP" asked
Mrs: Spoopendyke, dodging the flying
heads and tails. "They won't be very
good If you open 'em that way"
On, won't theyp" howled Mr..
Spoopendyke. of you don't like 'em
| 1rI IL
Maybe you want me to take 'em out in
a baby carriage. Praps you've got an
idea ought to climb under 'em and lift
em out. Maybe you want me to get in
that box with n boat and take 'em out
with seine. Well, | won't, l tell ye
Give me the tongs, want that fish at
the bottom. Where's the tongsP Gone
to get married to the cau-opener, haven't
they" and MIR. Spoopendyke grabbed
another fish and fired him into the CRATE.
BE patient, my dear" said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, soothing.y. make the
opening little wi@er, and they'll come
out"
Amt patient?" shouted Mr.. Spoop-
cndyke. "P'raps you want me 10 sing
to 'en, / wish was an angel and with
the dod CAST the fish! Come out OF
thatm and with a wrench Mr.. Spoop-
|
the mangled remains of his enemies.
Now give me lemon" and he eyed
the repast with anything but content
ment. "Stir around and get me lemon:
quick now."
Upon my word. my dear, l don't
believe there's lemon in the house."
stammered Mes. Spoopendyke. II had
oue."
"Oh, you had one!" proclaimed Mr..
Spoopendyke, "only you're just out. Ii
you d been brought up right you'd only
need an awning and family on the top
floor to be a grocery shop! S'pose I'm
going to eat these sardines raw Think
I'm going to swallow these fish alive |?
Gimme something to put on 'em, will
ye P"
What would you like my dear P"
queried Mrs. Spoopendyke.
measly ink! Got any nails Can't ye
find some laudanum somewhere ?" and
Mr.. Spoopendyke projected himself into
the closet and pranced out with bottle
of arnica. There" he howled, as he
dashed the contents over the sardines,
there's your fish all ready for you. and
the next time you want me to open the
things, you have lemon, will ve 7
Find can opener, won't ye 7" and Mr..
Spoopendyke fopped into his easy chair
and picke up the paper.
Don't you want some of the fish ?"
asked Mre. Spcopandyke, after a long
pause.
mo, l DON'T" growled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke.
but this is fresh box" said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, displaying the sardines in
neat layers.
How'd you get it openP" demanded
Mr.. Spoopendyke.
with the cpn.opener," replied his
wife; Il found it in your tool box,
where you put it to sharpen it,"
Maybe l put the lemon in there to
sharpen that too," grunted Mr.. Spoo.
pendyke, pegging away at the box and
looking up with his mouth full, but re-
cognizing the taste of vinegar, he made
some remarks about some people only
needing handle and cork to be a for
tunatus jug, and having finished the lot,
| he demanded why his wife hadn't asked
| { 'em if she wanted some, and went to
/ taI l. H.