Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1881-01-13
HUMOR OF THE HOUR.


The woman who dyes her hair ought to
keep it dark
Darn the stockings that catches no Christ
mas presents.
1t is a poor speller who does not keep an
to business.
The new peasant dresses are made of
ladies' cloth and trimmed with gay plaids
You can deceive your guileless little wife
young man, but her fathers Whenever.
:, A gambler says: "The only hand in this
world which blesses those who grasp it is a
full hand"
Some woman are like shotguns They
would attract no attention if it were not for
their bangs.
A Philadelphia girl who is an expert at
handkerchief f1irtations thinks she ought to
be appointed chief of the signal service.
When dead mans property is put under
the hammer, it is a sale of effects; but, when
a man gets seasick, il is the effect OF IA sail.
Some enthusiastic fashion writer predicts
a revolution in underwear. Well a change
III such things is necessary once in a while.
An Ohio man has taken the smallpox
from a pet pig. When once this disease gets
into family it's pretty sure to go through it.
A New York boarding house took fire the
other night, and when the flames got as far
as the pantry, they went out for the want of
! fuel.
THAT fellow is just like a telescope" said
a dashing New York girl ''You can draw
him out, see through him, and then shut him
up again"
The Brooklyn approach to the big bridge
is finished and folks who are tired and
ashamed Of living in Brooklyn can begin
jumping off.
man who is as true as steel, possessing
an iron will, some gold and a fair proportion
of brass, should be able to endure the hard
wear of this world
will you take 'em ON the half shell ~
asked the agreeable oyster opener. NO."
said the stranger, regardless of expense,
whole shell or nothing"
These cold mornings are favorable for
abbreviated salutations. The latest is:
Good morn" Morn" Horn this morn 2"
"No horn" "Good morn"
1t is said that sharks will not bite SWIM
mer who keeps his legs in motion. If you
can keep kicking longer than a shark can
keep waiting you'll be all right.
A new book is out entitled Links in Re-
becca's Life" Rebecca was probably sau-
sage-maker's daughter. What an eventful
and mysterious life she must have led!
"The nearer the Bohn the better the trans
latlon," as the student remarked when he
concealed under his coat translation of Vir-
gil ere he departed for the recitation room.
bashful young clergyman recently rising
to preach for the frt time, announced his
text in this wise: And Immediately the cock
Wept and Peter went out and crew BITTERLY
One OF the greatest pleasures of railroad
travelling to lovers has been DESTROYED Now
just before train enters tunnel, a buccaneer
goes through the cars and lights all the lamps
Can there be happiness where there is no
love-" solemnly queries an author in book
on marriage? Not much happiness, perhaps,
but If the girl is awtully rich there can be
lots of fun.
Bemhardt has wonderful picture called
The Young Girl and Death There are two
figures in it, and you can take your choice of
the two as to which is Bernhardt and which
is the young girl
What is home when papa's absent 2" sings
a Lake county bard. We do not know; but
in Chicago, without maiolica jar in the
front hall for folks to stumble over home is
usually very quiet
No, marm, said the shoe dealer II would
ike to give you a smaller pair, but to sell
you anything below eights would render me
liable under the statute for prevention of
cruelty to animals"
A precocious boy Of six years, listening
YEARLY to a long-winded tale related bya
'rosy relative took advantage of short pause
% say slyly: II wish that story had been
brought out in numbers"
Speaking of Mr.. Forbes lecture on Kings
Have Met" Western newspaper says some
ime he will come across three kings and a
'air of sevens, and then he will learn some
hing about the really great resources of this
Ountry.
Mother, what is an angelo" "An angel!
Veil, an angel is a being that fies" But,
aother, why does papa always call my gov
rness an angel ?" "Well," exclaimed the
lother, after a moments pause, "she's going
. fly immediately"
my case is just here said citizen to
'wye1 the other day; "the plaintiff will
wear that hit him. 1 will swear that /
id not. Now, what can you lawyers make
ut of that if we 60 to trial? ?" "Five dollars
piece, !" was the prompt reply.
A lady wants to know why the railroad
'mpanies do not provide special care for to-
acco chewers as well as for smokers Eless
our innocent heart! Tobacco chewers are
1t so particula, as that. An ordinary pas
niger car is good enough for them.