The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-06-29
PASSING SMILES.
THE bowie lznife has q fine rip-you-ta.

Ohl6Ih tI6 1eIJ III.
THE watermelon is like O book. It
isn't red until 1t is opened.
"BEAUTY is but skin deep" This can
not be applied to banana.
FLIES work from sun to sun, but tho
mosquitoes work is never done.
REBECoA-Yes; you will always find
funny bone In the humor-wrist.
A BOY always feels proud and bound
less when his father offers him cigar.
IT is pitiful to see bald-headed man
hunting for the parting ON his head
while he sings '"There's no place like
comb"
The easiest way to find out whether
Bob Ingersol is correct or not is to go
and take trip on New York steam
boat.
SOME say the girls go to meeting to
look at each others bonnets. That's
downright scandal. They go to show
their own
1T has been discovered that burning
the bung hole of kerosene barrel with
a red hot poker will cause the barrel to
disappear.
THE rumor of war in Buenos Ayres
was occasioned by couple of soldiers
rushing across the street to get drink.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
THOUSANDS of persons who vote the
Democratic ticket are unable to speak
the last name of their candidate for Vice
President. t.-NOTTistO1On Herald.
A MAN at Augusta, Ga., on receiving
doctors bill for medicine and visits,
wrote that he would pay for the medi-
cine and return the visits.
! Darling, I am growing cold" re-
! marked chronic grumbler to his spir-
/ tied spouse, and then she stroked his
golden Iocks-with the fire shovel.
SOME predict that the time will come
when people can read each others
/ thoughts like book. 1t is sad to think
/ that many fy-leaves will be discovered
/ where least expected.
'OUT in this cold world, out on this
treat" sang the young man whose
/ pocketboOk had been materially light
/ ened in "setting 'em up" for several
legions of his friends.
"NEvER push man because he's go
ing down the hill. No; far better to
head him off and kick him until he is glad
to streak up that hill again like all crea-
| ton afire. .-DG7lbl1,y NelOs.
"I AM going on trip to your-rope, F."
the condemned man remarked to the
Sheriff when marching to the scaffold;
and after that reckless break the officer
swung him off without regret.
The gentle answer" Have you got
the rent ready at last?" ono, sir;
mothers gone out washing, and forgot to
put it out for you" ''Did she tell you
she'd forgotten?" eyes, sir. London
.Jitdy.
A COLORADO man can takehis rife and
put bullet into an old straw hat !, ,00O
yards away every time, but he doesn't
get down on the ground and tangle him.
self to do it, so he isn't considered q
good rifeman by the average amateur.
1ort2B2Ys
2 sit upon u b;
he will sting 4 q no
10 DIR place, and hurt o so
Ull dr., poor un 2 nS
twas pin on which U IS.
Exchange.
THERE is no need of any euiogies ovel
the man who discovered gold In Cali
fornia. He blundered into it, just as
a man sometimes discovers that there
is a bull in the same pasture with him
self.
WHEN a female contributor to {
monthly magazine speaks of ''the most
delicious, delectable, enhancing ant
distracting of all innocent indulgences,
she means a kiss.-HartfOrd Sunday
} Journal.
, NONE of our learned judges ever dis
criminate against black people on &C.
count of color. No American citizen o
African descent was ever denied admis
sion to the county jail or State prison.
Hartford Sunday Journal
81 DIDN'T know man could be s.
much made up of water" said hot mai
t on the corner yesterday, wringing tn
, sweat from his brow. "Oh, yes, re
marked hotel-keeper who came along
! ''my experience is that man is regula
sponge"
l AN impecunious fortune-hunter havin
D been accepted by an heiress, at the wed
D ding, when that portion of the ceremon,
4 was reached where the bridegroom says
y with all my worldly goods thee en-
dow" a spiteful relative of the bride ex
claimed: "There goes his valisel'
"Ir is the breath of the people, sal
Douglas, ''that purifies the blood of tn
: nation" May be so; may be so; Dougla
a knew more about politics than we do, bu
8 we hope to die If we haven't met peopl
whose breath would poison a Peori
: mash-tub. Huntington HaWks9e.