Morris tribune. [volume] (Morris, Minn.) 1880-2000, 1881-06-23
THE AMATEUR LAWYER.

Who Proposes to 'Knock the Wind" Out of
His Veteran Opponent, and His Doubtful
Success.
From the Quincy Modern Argo.
The young lawyer conducting his first
case before a jury is worthy of the deepest
commiseration, Take him, for instance, in
the criminal court, before which he has a
case. While the prosecuting attorney is
tying the first witness into bow knots and
untying him again, the amateur sits listen
ing intently, but endeavoring to look as I'M
concerned as marble statue in thunder
storm. He throws in timid objections
every time he thinks he sees hole, and as
each one is overrulcd by the court he puts
on stern look, as much as to say:
It'll knock the wind out of that in the
supreme court"
When the prosecutor. usually an old and
able attorney, dryly says, "Take the wit
ness" the youthful aspirant trembles lit.
tie and endeavors to swallow something
that is sticking in his throat. He feels that
every eye in the room is upon him, and that
they arc as hot as stove-lids.
He fires afew initiatory questions at tie
witness, and warns as he proceeds until he
is brought up standing by: Oh. your hon
or we object to such irrelevant questions, u
followed by few scathing remarks from
the prosecutor. The court sustains the OBJ
lection, and advises the young lawyer to
keep within the bounds, which set him to
wondering where in thunder the bounds
are. Objection follows objection, and each
one is promptly sustained. He wonders
why it is that free anG independent peo-
pie will tolerate such one sided Justice.
He plunges ahead blindly now until he be-
comes SO confused that he does not know
wether he is practicing attorney with a
gilt sign, or fy-wheel on a steam wood
saw. Finally he runs out of questions, and
with sigh of relief or something, tells
the witness: That's ALL" So he grinds
through, and at last the prosecutor rises
and proceeds to address the jury in a mas
terly style. AS he progresses picks the
evidence adduced by the defence into par
ticles fine enough to be Incorporated into
Goldfish balls. The youthful Blackstone
wrestler begins to feel uneasy as his mind
reverts to the fact that in few moments
he must deliver his maiden speech, He
wishes the prosecutor would hold his grip
and keep 1t up until time to adjourn court,
feeling satisfied that he could make
a. splendid speech the next day
after nights fighting on the evil
NSAS0s AAO U1Co W IcluSuDor WUHG Tile
witnesses swore to, but cannot recall their
evidence to save his life. The prosecutor
finally winds up with grand peroration,
and as he says: 'And in conclusion, gentle,
men of the jury" the youth nervously
fingers his moustache, if he happens to have
one about him, and wishes he had never be-
gun the abominable business Cold chills
are lingering him all over the back, as if
measuring him for new shirt and his
spinal column acts like it was tired and
wanted to sit down awhile. Like Banquo's
ghost, the lump in his throat won't down by
an obstinate majority, and he swallows at il
and wonders what he is going to say and
how longit will take him to say it. As the
prosecutor calmly takes his seat the young
lawyer rises and moves to the front. He
dare not look at the audience, and tries to
imagine there is no one in the
room but himself and the twelve
sphynx-like forms in the jury-box.
The eyes of each juror are fixed upon
him, and he would almost relinquish his
hope of heaven if some one would raise a
cry Of fire to. divert their attention until he
gets start Finally he sIrugs his shoul-
ders and manages to remark: Gentlemen
of the (swallow) jury" Very good. He
then surveys them q moment, and every
man in the box thinks he is endeavorinp to
read their thoughts; bat he isn't. He is
wishing to gracious he could read his own
thoughts. At last he strikes out and goes
for them about their intelligent looks and
how he feels that his clients interests are
safe in their hands. AT the same time he
feels serious doubts as to their safety in
his own hands. He worries through his
speech with an average Of two swallows at
that lump to the sentence. The prosecutor
closes the argument and the case goes to
the jury, who retire to a secluded room to
chew tobacco and ask each other what they
thought Of it. It SO happened that the
fimsy testimony against the accused war
rants verdict Of not guilty, whereupon the
amateur grasps his clients hand, whispers:
It was hard fight, but I got you out Of itr'
Then he rises, loads up enough law books
to swamp mud-scow, casts o triumphant
glance at the prosecuting attorney, who
smiles pleasantly in rteurn. and walks slow
ly and majestically down the aisle to the
door with as much dignity as if he owned q
western railroad. Oh, you can't deny it,
even you old veterans-you've all been there!
A company of egg gatherers from San
Francisco who have held by force absolute
control of the business of gathering the eggs
of the a-gull from the Farallone Islands
have been driven away by the United States
marshal. backed up by 20 soldiers, the
islands being government reservation,