The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1881-09-08
IN A NUTSHELL.

. What is the best thing out yet TO-
y real comfort9 An aching tooth.
A man is more likely to forget hi
!, first sweetheart than his first pipe.
!, Camping out" will be popular thi.
$ summer with those who never trieC
| it.
; Chicago has fixed day in 1888.
j, when all telegraph wires must 60 I'M
! derground.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton is quite il
f with malignant fever at her home al
Tena1y, N. j.
Skilled engineers are said to be want
, ed on the railroads but there's killed
, brakemen enough on all of them.
"You are not fond of money for it.
self? ooh, no." said Johnsonburg
II am fond of it for myself"
A fisherman's occupation ought to
be the most profitable, because the en-
tire gross receipts are net profits. u
The chair in which John Hancock
sat when he signed the declaration of
independence is in St. Pauls church at
+ 2s|Suti5'1fh,, Va. ''~ss," '''' '',,'
We have just read andkerchif tlirt-
alton code, and advise all men desiring
to avoid breach of promise suits to wipe
the mouths with their coat-tails.
Oh, let the women vote if they want
to. Any woman who supports hus-
band and family of children is capable
OF supporting the constitution.
Kentuckians seem to be losing their
skill as marksmen. In faction fight
in Menifee county, fifty shots were
fired without hitting anybody.
Hon. William L. Scott, of Erie, Pa,
in 1916 was page in congress. Gen
eral Charles M. Reed, member of con-
gress from Erie, took him home and
gave him employment at weighing
coal. MIR. SCOTS fortune is now esti-
mated at 100000.
When you are told a story, my son,
never remark: THAT isn't the way |
heard it," etc. Don't you know that
stories are told to give pleasure to the
teller and not to the hearer?-Boston
Transcript.
A correspondent of Forest and Stream
gives the following anti-musouito re-
clpe: Three ounces sweet oil, one
ounce carbolic acid. Rub in every
half hour until the pores have thor
oughly absorbel it.
The reports of the failure of the
peach crop this year seem to be we'll
grounded for once. The latest esti.
mates show that Delaware, which usu
ally produces some 100000 baskets,
will yield this year not more than 12O,-
600.
People have recovered from wounds
as severe as the presidents. But we
can augur nothing from that unless we
know how many doctors they endured.
The wound and six doctors is dread
tui tax for the strongest vitality.-But-
yfalo Erpress.
"lf you find a locomotive rushing at
YOU, says a Virginia philosopher,
spring in the air and come down on
the cow-catcher." This plan is an ex-
cellent one, on Virginia railroads. But
If the man On the track is in a hurry,
ne VIII not waste time riding on cow
catcher.
A family at Milwaukee were delight
ed on hearing that an uncle, whom
they had last known ten years before
as a penniless dependent, had left a
fortune Of BALI a million at his death
III Nevada; but when they receiyrd a
copy of his will they found nothing in
it for them, except a reminder that
they had turned him away hungry
from their door.
They were touching up their toilets
preparatory to the afternoon parade.
"Cicely, my dear, do you think / need
any more color in my face?" THAT
depends; if you only want a delicate
blush, you have it just right. But if
you want your complexion to match
your hair, put on little more vermil-
lion" Do you suppose they walked
together that afternoon? Not anv.
A little boy with base ball bat
(sore is the joint of the left hand thumb),
stone he SHES at a brindle cat
tbut the voice of the sobbing sea is Dumb
! for thee. my love, will my s:tx..s, ;si,ts arm
n; hoarse Is :, the man with u liver pad)
flougn up the stumps on q western farm
| lAnd solid III get with thy grizzed dad)
Oh, the red, red rose is red, YOU bet
Autumn is coming, my sweet, my sweet:
MAUD . will trot in two-seven yet
(Ormy name isn't Red headed Granger pete),
Chicago Tribune
A tub race at Atlantic City the other
day drew crowd of five thousand
persons; The people didn't care so
much about the race, but the sight of
a washtub was quite revelation to |
most OF them. Several of the Young
ladies' were quite enthusiastic in their
expressions Of delight, one of them re-
marking that the washtub's rugged
unassuming beauty was quite too over
towering for idle words.
A Pleasant Call-"Come here Hid
ebrand, my love-" said a fond New
Haven mother as her spindle-legged
youngster appeared lust inside the
gate, "Hildebrand l should say 40.
How came you to tie such homely
boy to such high-priced name ?" said
q bluntspoken caller. He may be
hl!omely, but he's mine, thank you. 1
didn't have to marry a widower with
four great overgrown boys, as you did,"
TINS treading on corns, metaphoricaliy,
doesn't pay.
In Vermont there have been two
kinds OF law suits, and only two, tor the
last fifty ycars-suits between towns,
relating to the care of paupers, and
suits against towns for damages result
ing from defective highways. Suits of
this last class have now been abolish ed
by act Of legislature, and people who
drive skittish horses in that state here.
after will do SO at their peril. A bro
ken plank in bridge will not, in the
eye of the law, he responsible for
broken leg, and a lofty water-bar near
the bottom Of hill cannot be blamed
rs