Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1881-06-30
IN A NUTSHELL.

There are 5S5 Chinese children in tn
San Francisco public schools.
BY the desire of the late King of
Prussia his heart was inferred in a
heart-shapen marble casket at the foot
of his parents grave.
A cynical old bachelor says that
"lovers are like armies. They get along
we'll enough until the engagement be-
gins.
An easy way to make hard water
soft is this: "Fill the wash boiler with
hard water, then put a half a teacup-
/ full of wood ashes into little cloth bag,
| let this lie in the water until that is
warm enough to use. This is worth
knowing.
"Just think of it'' exclaimed Jones;
meters long" "Is that SOP" asked Fogg,
adding, "By the way, Jones, how long
is a meter" Blamed IF know" said
Jones, but Judging from the distance
my gas meter covers every month It
must be immense"
"Hi where did you get them
trowsers?" asked an Irishman of man
who happened to be passing with a re-
markably short pair of trowsers. 81
got them where they grew" was the in
dignant reply ''Then by my con-
science" said Pat, you've pulled them
a year too soon"
How wonderful are the revelations
of science. 1t has been estimated that
a boy can hear a call to dinner though
a mile away, in thousandth part of a
second. But call to duty. Well, we
don't wish to be hard on the boy. but
it often takes lifetime for him to
undertand it.
A New York lady VINO in conse-
quence of a great reverse of fortune,
has been working for a fashionable
milliner, says she is absolutely amazed
to find to what an extent in the days of
her wealth she was swindled in her
bonnets and dresses.
my son Albert" said fond New
Haven mother, ''is very popular. He
seems to know all the girls" ''Hush,"
said the neighbor who was leaning over
, the fence. "He must be terribly miss
informed" 1t isn't known which of the
women tainted.
Twenty-one princes and twenty-eight
| pIluCeb6S dIG dlOu1lu L dIIo NlOIl
no visible means of support. The
princeses being poor, the impecunious
princes turn the cold shoulder to them
! and go and hunt the light-headed
American heiresses.
Miss Gordon-Cummings says that
venerable cannibal in New Zealand
whom she visited. in company with an
obese divine, stroked down and gently
prodded the reverend gentleman in
manner painfully suggestive of Sydney
> Smiths joke of "Cold curate on the
, sideboard."
In Iowa, young man named Isaac
Hood committed suicide because
> young lady refused to marry him. The
coroner's inquest developed mitigating
= circumstances. 1t seems that Hood
asked the young lady to marry him,
and she responded, "Ike Hood not"
AS soon as Hood saw the point, he fled
>: with the result stated. The eyouDg lady
>. has not been arrested.
:. Captain John NJ. Gill of Pekin, KY,
. owns one of Santa Annals wooden legs.
. During the Mexican war Captain Gill
y then young man, was member OF
), the Fourth Illinois regiment, and
fought in the battle of Cerro Gordo.
Il Santa Anna was on the field at the
# opening of the engagement being in q
l. carriage drawn by six mules. When
r he realized that the Yankees we're vic
& torious and that he was in danger OF
+ capture, the Mexican general pulled
: off his wooden leg left itin the carriage,
It and mounting mule, in light flying
I order escaped. Captain Gill was the
/ first American to reach the carriage,
y and thus obtained the curious trophy.
I cts wicked, it's shameful, it's a dis
t; grace to society, this flirting with mar
e ried women" remarked a middle-aged
8, lady with spectacles and sharp vis-
n sage, to her travelling companion. He
a was nice looking man, and replied by
=, saying:
"AR, then you are not married?"
D NO" she said tenderly, moving a
n little closer to him, and gazing at him
D. through her glasses with die-away ex-
% preston, like that of setter puppy
:, with the distemper. "No."
Then he asked her if she wouldn't
: like some peanuts, and left the car to
s. get them; but he didn't come back
q again.