davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

APPEARANCES are deceiving. We
know Of girls that look as angelic,
delicate, and moderate as dewdrop
on n rosebud, who, when they get
sWeetly settled In the arms OF Nor
pheRs, will snore with an energy that
will shake the button on the outside
cellar-doOr,
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

FARMER Giles: BE IL Trew what /
you 10 college, sir?" Young Squire ::
Yes, Giles, Pm going 10 Oxford TO
read hard" Farmer GILES: Dear,
dear sir! Just as you WAS hImprOvin'
in your shooting and getting on SO
well with your riding; 1 call 1t reg lar
spilin' good eddicatiou."
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

AN Irish Bull. The following dialo-
que actually occurred anent the recent
open winter; Pat-''Moike, did Iver
We see q winter loike this wan?" Mike
-"Indade / did," Pat" Whin r"
MIke-"Lasht summer, shure, and be-
gone TO ye!"
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06
What Ais Your

Is IL disordered liver giving you yellow
skin or costve bowels or do your kidneys
refuse to pc form their funcuoasr III 30,
take a few doses or Kldney-Wort and nature
WI, restnr. each organ ready for dutV.-STAR.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

WHEN are stockings like dead men?
When they are men-ded, or. perhaps,
when their soles are departed; or,
again, when they are all in holes.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

"THIs is the healthiest place in
America" said the landlord OF Nj.
agara hoIel to the tourist. Nobody
ever dies here" "No," said the trav-
eler. in the tone OF man who was
thoroughly convinced of it. NO l
reckon not. Nobody would stay here
long enough to die."
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

CATER ALL" said the baker, when
he walk ed home from an astronomical
lecture, "after all the world is only a
big turnover"
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

ONE OF the problems which puzzle a
musician. is how to strike bee fat
without getting stung by its demiseml-
quaVer.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

A PIrrsBURG man smuggled set of
false teeth into parlor where lot OF
ladies were collected, and, pretending
to lind It Oh the floor, he asked who
owned it, and every woman present
had different way OF twisting her
lips TO show her own teeth when she
spoke 10 say it was not hers.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

IN marching On the corn-fields the
strategy of the army-wOrm sharp
shooters is first to pick off the kernels.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

War kills It's thousands, but Cough
its tens of thousands; DR.. BULBS Cough
Syrup however, always kills Cough.
Price only % cents bottle.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

OIGNoNs GLACRs.-Trim some small
onions, such as are used for picking,
put them into q weIl-buttered sauce
pan, and sprinkle them freely with
powdered loaf sugar; shake the pan
gently, and as soon as they begin to
color moisten with little stock, add
salt, and let them stew gently till
well colored. The pan uust be shaken
now and then, but carefully. lest the
onions break.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

THE Brooklyn Eagle calls Miss An
thony "Sam, old girl" and we want to
know if this familiarity is induced by
hobnobbing at the bars.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

"And in the happy aftertime,
When comes change of scene,
With a little dear our hearts to cheer,
Wen call it CARBoLINE,"
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

SOME time since prayer meeting In
Binghampton was struck by lightnin (,
and people will safer now as the cleo
trio fluid like death does not strike
twice In the same place.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

WHEN bashtul Hamburg lover be-
gins TO hitch his chair little nearer
the idol of his affections, can 1t he pro-
perly called Hamburg edging?"
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

ONE Of the cOmIcal sights Of leap
year will be girl whispering tale OF
love into the ear of a deaf man.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

The fireplace Is CRATE thing, but an
old oyster can punched full oil fine
holes is q crater.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

1.-TWO sisters NJ Glasgow got mad al
u plumber and threw hIm out OF the
fifth story window" But he got even
with the sisters. He charged them
double time from the minute he left
the window until he struck the side
walk.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

WHY is it that the circus elephant
never kills the clown or the lemonade
manP
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

The story is told Of a young man
who went TO the Black Hills to seek
his fortune, and wroIe back To his fa-
ther that he had done well, but added:
Il will be home OH Wednesday even
ing. Meet me AZ dark just out of town
and bring blanket or whole peir OF
trousers with you. have hat"
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

THE EImira Free Press man loves TO
look upon bicycle when some other
person rides it, which IL probably the
same view that he takes OF the gallOws.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

MIGHT not the act of extlnguishlng
a fire in book store, although no
joke, be called play upon wOrdsT
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

A PRoFANE pastor says the tele1 hone
is hello of an affair.
The Elanguage Of flowers--Anthologic
for ''My dear JIM" Jas. nine.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

THE postmaster sometimes stamps his
feet.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06
VEGETINE.
DIR. CALLER SURPRISED.

VeEetine Cured Eats Daughter
CALLTERsvILLE, Chiffon Co.. Ala, May lB, 1873
DEAR SIK.-My daughter has been anilcted
Win nasal catarrh. affection OF the bladder and
H lneys. and is or scrofulous diathesls and
after having exhausted my skill and The most
eminent hysIcians OF Selma at last res Jrted
10 the use or your Vegetine without conndencel
ana, 10 my great surprise, my daughter has
been restored 10 health. | write THIS as q SIM
pie act or justice, and not as an advertising
medium.
Respectfully, T. z. CALLER III, D.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

WHMWU LNAB 1 OWAFTu-NWF6U W1Gb
Rheun and ErySipeIAs.
rs COURT ST.. ROME, N. Y, July 10, 1874.
Mr.. II. r.. STEVENS:
Dear Sir.-One year ago last fall my little boy
h9d breaking out OF EryslpelaS and Salt
fheum. his face being one maLtered sore, OF the
worst description. Noticing your advertise
men In the papers, ] purchased two bottles of
the Negetlne, and with the two bottles my son
was cured. / never saw anything like the
Negetlne IL worked like charm. have been
Il y Watchm IA at Rome for years. This testi-
moniai is gratultous. Yours, respectfully.
HORATI0 0RINDLEY.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

A STORY is told OF one Of the respect
able farmers of Georgia, who never
took newspaper In his life, and with
whom the agent OF the Telegraph Com
pany staid all night, and to whom he
explained for an hour or more the
whole operation OF the mysterious
wires. Wnon he had concluded, M uch
to his own satisfaction, In enligh CEN
ing his host On the subject, he was met
with the query from the farmer, 'HOw
many bales of cotton Will It carry TO
market?" "AbSut iorty," was the an
swer of the discern dted uperintendent,
as ne stirred from the premises.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

nj nm IN GOLD Given Away. Send Scent
W Hill stamp for particulars. Address The
u6jUuu MEssENGER, Lewisburg, Union Co., Pa.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

a Great Offer! &e, Ms" Se% SMG4MSr fHxSSS:. SSSSS.
$3.50 up. Warranted Q years. second.
Hand INSTRUMENT at BARGAINS.
AGENTS. WANTED. Illustrated Gaia.
Log UE Free. HORACE WATERS 81 CO.
S26 broadway. n. u.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06
HUMOROUS.

AN intelligent Chinese merchant In
this country says: ''There 10 no such
thing as cOurting among young people
in China. The bride and bridegroom
never see each other until they are to
become man and wife. Their courting
is all done by their parents" That
more young beathen don't emigrate to
tho home of the free and land of the
brave is a marvel. 1t is better to be a
parent than lover in China. How
in the world do the young people kill
time on Sunday nightS American
lovers cannot be too thankful that
they were not born In China.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06
FISH SCALE JEWELRY co.

1872 s. CLARK ST., CHICAGO.
This beautiful jeweIry is made from FlorIde FIsh
Scales In all shades and colors. Ear Rings rs eta
and SIS q. Sets 50 cts, rs and 81 Sprays. 100
Combs, SI. Necklsces, 81. Sent by mall TO any al.
dress on receipt OF price.
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

WTANTED--A few good business men. salarl
wv So per month. Address, with r. amps for full
information, w. III. BRENNEMAN, Harrisburg, Pa
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06
G. TT ou,as SEAf E.:.. ssD'n Aaar...
10 AZ AZ AZ VfCKIhS ta,1nl d

Those answering an Advertisements VA
confer q r8vOr upon the Advertiser and the
Publisher bystatng that they saw the sdver-
aa@EnGne I'm thAa tOurnA Mn@miPg g the p@Dsrl'
Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-06

SO lbs. Good Soap OIL 90.
In half an hour any one can make 81 Ibs. gOOa
Whfis Soap from my prepared tRgTedieHn.
sent fer s 90; packages IS. Agents Waited.
GEM SOAP Co., Box 1910, Philadelphia, Pa.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-08-05
The Good eP, Old Times,

1t sounds very poeticai to- say Hihe good
old times," but If we-.should be strictly
truthful, having an eye upon the actual
rather than upon the sentimental, we should
be more inclined to designate them as the
@,uean old times" especially, if by some
freak Of nature, we should be taken up and
set back among the days that fell to the lot
of those who were men and wonen when
our grandparents were little children It, is.
no wonder that Bepjamih Franklin, with his
prophetic vision, wished II had been bis des-,
tiny to be born two or, three centuries la!eE.
Think of the journeys then requiring days,
that may now be accomplished in as many.
hours, aud with far more comfort.r Think Of
sitting in church winter afterwiater without
the cheerful light of fire save that which
was kipdled in the imagination by the glow
ing eloquence of the preacher, as he de-
scribed the torments Of the damned, Think
of saying forty or fifty dollars q year for a
newspaper, and think, also, Of the beggarly
little sheet and all its neagre quantities. !
Think of living without a.frictioi, match i'm
the house, or toothbrush, or a carpet, or
gaslight, or furnaces, or sewing machine,
or doing without overshoes or umbrellas and
| thousand other things that we call neces-
| sites. II is startling to consider the m,slti-
tude of things, small and great, that We pcs
| sess, which contribute to our comfort, our
welfare, our ease, our enjoyment, that were
utterly unknown to our grandfaiheis, and
never could have entered their dreams. The
spirit of progress consults our convenience
and multiplies advantages in every direction
enhancing the charm of life, diminishing la
pains, and inviting us to come in, welcome
| and enjoy its innumerable gifts. .z#.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-08-05
/" Papa, Don't Bury Me Deep

In the spring of 1869, little girl died Of
consumption in Frederick City, aged eight
years and three months. A few days before
she died she called her father to her bedside
and said "Papa, when die don't bury me
deep-not more than so Deep" holding up
her tender and emaciated arm and measure
ing from her shoulder out. tsOh, IL Is so
hard to be put down so deep In the cold,
damp ground, and please don't place any
marble slab on my grave, 1t will be so dark
under il; and it will press so heavy upon my
little breast. Sod my grave nicely, and
plant q tree at its head, so that the wild
birds can gather in its branches and sing for
me.o After pause she continued: :. But it
seems 10 me would rather have our own
birds sing for me than the wild birds.
Couldn't you let brother Willie and sister
Emma bring our cage Of little birds out to
the cemetery every Sunday morning and
leave them to sing Tor me all day? When
YOU are all at church In town 1t WON'T seem
80 lonesome out by myself" Afew days af-
ter this Anna died, and her afIectionate parent
ibid everything ~ she requested. She was
buried shallow, the grave nicely sodsled and
| tree planted II its head. And still every
Sunday morning Willie and Emma can be
seen going out to the, cemetery with. .theiI
cAga u little bird's q Annas grave.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-08-05
Sir Edward Thornton's Successor.
yesp York Times.

NSto I0Th 4 uHes
Mr.. Sackville West, who will presently be
here as successor to Sir Edward Thornton,
comes from ali ancient historic house. The
Vests were centuries ago prominent In Eng
lish political and social life. One OF them
was, i'm the seventeenth century, Governor
of Virginia, where he died, and the State OF
Delaware derives its name from him. The
sackyilles came from Sacqueville. Nor
mandy, and by the marriage Of one with the
heress of Lionel Cranfield, Earl Of Middle
sex, became owners Of Knole, a princeiy
mansion (whose roof covers five acres) and
noble park. It was an ancestor Of the new
minister who was deputed Oh the death Of
Queen Anne TO 60 to Hanover and bring
over the Elector. Mr.. Sackville West, who
is bachelor of "a, is the third surviving son
Of a former Earl Delaware by his marriage
with the sister and heiress Of that Duke OF
Dorset who was killed out hunting In Wick
low, ireland, while on a visit To his mother,
who was married to Lord Whitworth, then
viceroy, the same so conspicuous as English
Embassador to Napoleon /. Mr.. Sarkville
Vests family has not been without troubles
His oldest brother, Lord Cantilupe, was a
brilliant but exceedingly dIssipated man,
whose death, in the prime of manhood, oc-
casioned a most unusual shock to the gay
world at the height of London season.
His screams were heard all over Grossenor
street, and produced a never to be forgotten
impression on the neighborhood. The next
brother, a general officer, drowned himself
In am excess of melancholy, induced by be-
| reavement. The ladies Of the family have
met happier fate. One is now Duchess OF
| Bedford, another Countess OF Derby. IL the
incoming Minister gives as much Satisfaction
| ss the outgoing, he will be fortunate man
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-08-05
a Good Editor.

A good editor, competent newspaper
conductor, is like general or poet-boril,
not made On the London daily papers all
the historians, novelists, poets, essayists have
been employed, and nearly all have failed.
we might say all, for after display OF bril-
Iiancy, brisf but grand. they died out literal
ly. Their resources were exhausted. -
cam said late editor of the 1imesto Moore.
!. find any number Of men Of genius to write
for ms, hut very seldom one Of eommon
sense The .thunderers In the Times,
therefore, have, 50 far as known, been men OF
common sense. Nearly all successful edi-
tors have been Of this description. Camp
bell. Bulwer and Disraeli failed; Barnes,
Sterling and Phillips succeeded. a good
editor seldom writes for bis paper. lie
reads, judges, selects, dictates, alters ana
combines. and TO do al this well be. has but
little time for composition. TO write for
p.per Is one thing. % edit pepsr 4 another
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-08-05
EvE-ANaELIcAL CORNER.


Jet is more fashionable than ever.
Hanging pockets are high in fashion.
The return to polonaises is a fixed fact.
Queens gray is new shade Of tins color.
Grenadines In all colors and black aud
white are worn.
Bernhardt's future tomb, we learn from
the New York Commercial, will be adorned
with Sara phims.
Shell pink, precisely the color that lines
the conch shell, is the popular tint OF this
color for evening wear.
A fashionable mother in New York is said
to have rouged her bahy's cheek for bap-
tism, as &" it was pale that morning."
Bats, mice, beetles, and even little shining
golden and silver worms, appear among the
flowers ribbons and feathers that trim bon-
nets and hats. ....... .....-.., - ...
The husband Of Barnums fat woman,
who weighs 49S, has one consolation. lie
knows no other fellow viii evef get his
arm around her.-Boaon Pest.
The Cambridge Tribune says: 1--WE no.
tice with pleasure the marriage Of hit
Adams, managing editor of the Quincy Qll.)
Modern Argo, to Miss Idella Day.. "
As Ancient Adams Eve was found
While idly slGmbering he lay,
So modern Adams, looking rOutu,
Found his dear Eve-one ldelle Day
Proud parent-Why, Florence, how you
are fixed up. Dressed for party Dutiiul
daughter-Yes es pa but he hasn't come yet.
Perhaps he won't to-night.-1oronto Grip.
The brides mother of the period, is determ-
ined not to be outdone by the hat-wearing
brides maids, and appears in a hat adorned
like the helmet Of Henry OF Navarro, with
white pumes.
Charming little hoquets to float in finger
| glasses are made by passing the stems OF
several small blooms through leaf, III such
way as to completely hide II anu serve
only for firm foundation.
A larger proportion ofwhlte flowers are fra
! grant than those Of any other color. Yellow
comes next, then red, and lastly blue aiter
which, and in the same order, may be reck-
oned violet, green, orange, brown and
| black.
If man really wants to know of how little
import ance he is, let him go with his wife to
the dressm aker.-ModerR ArgO. Aud II a
man wants to know Of how much import rance
he is, lust wait until the dressmaker sends in
| her bill.
American women have the smallest hands
in the world Gloves made III France Tor
| the American market are smaller and mar
rover than for any other market in the
world, and the fingers are made more slen-
der, as the American woman will discover II
she attempts to buy her gloves in any proVin-
cial city in Europe. .... a
The Comier-J Journat says: "Nhile the
Sweet Singer Of Michigan is oil in Arizona
Miss A. Mabel B. Fitch, a Sweet Singer OF
Illinois, suddenly burst upon the literary
world with throatftil of music and gives II
| all away. What she says OF her hero's
mother will do for a sample of the new
sinsef's style: t.. t..... .........- r........
sF'sThis little woman was but weak and shght'
Yet the amount of labor she performed,
The States manship profound which she Ills
! D ," played
In governing her family Of boys, .1s. e..
Were truly marvellous" "a. ......r -
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-08-05
THE BLONDE BRoNcHo.
Chasing an Antelope. Of the Antelope
Comment of a Prairie General.
Territorial Enterprise.

1efFlt0rim enterprise.
"Did you ever see them buckskin bren-
chos of mine that | used to drive, named
Yeller and Yaller?" asked Buck Brammel,
the other day of General Worth, as he looked
out across the green billowy divide toward
the eternal whiteness Of the snowy range.
"Why, no, never heard of EN-
"Well, said Buck, as tender light came
into his blue eyes. and a three cornered mug
get oftin tobacco was slowed away in his
cheek, ssboth Of them same cayuse plugs
could scout over more mountain road be-
tween sun and sun than any thing in the
line of hoss ever see."
"Yefer was pretty midlin' rapid, but Yal-
Ter was all imported terror. You ought TO
see him gather up his limbs in wad and van
ish. One day was out on board of Yaller,
irwin to round up an American COW that had
strayed away from the corral, and over west
of the divide l walked up long-legged buck
antelope.
"I made little shassay over toward the
antelope to see him light out, but he first
as to say, Il guess won't give you no 2:la
gait this morning. Life is too brief. | can't
run that way just to amaze every snoozer
that comes this way on blonde plug like
that
II touched up old Yaller with the quirt,
and sailed over toward the antelope, think
ing I'd stir him up little.
"The antelope trotted along a few rods
smiled a sardonic smile that made old Yaller
mad as wet hen.
ssThen he got up and got. Jewhillikins,
how he paved the gravel! Occasonly the
antelope would look around and snort and
| jump stiff.legged and laugh. Then old Yal-
Ter would consume some more space.
"The antelope turned himself loose and
for while all could see was a little cloud
of dusta and the white spot that is always be
hind this amusin' little animal.
CATER awhile, however, could see that
the white patch got bigger. Yaller was gain
in. jabbed the Mexican spurs into him to
encourage him. In less than an hour was
alongside of him. His tongue hung out sc
that he stepped on it every little while.
eHe didn't laugh any more. 1t was : ter
rible reality. He seemed to think We hat
imposed on HIM somehow. Every little while
he'd look at old Yaller kind of reproachful
as if we'd taken advantage of him.
.'By and by reached over and took hin
by the ears and laid him across the saddle
ahead of me and took him home. l KEEP
him for years, but he never rallied.
| ale seemed to lose all hope, and would
walk around the corral like an old billy goa
tha: had been betrayed some time. Life fol
him seemed to be nothing but wild,
shoreless waste of bitter disappointment ane
regret.
al tell you General, 1t takes hope, and JOY
and pride all out Of an antelope to be scoop
cd BY s15 buckskin broncho."
ayes" said the General, ~ shoald thinl
IL would. III was broken-legged antelope
with foot done up in gum overshoe, ant
couldn't outrun any buckskin hoss l eve
saw, I'd GO away to some lonely spot ant
stick my head into prairie dogs hole ant
die of remorse.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-08-05
What are PISTOLS Good For'
Detroit Nelrs.

Pistols are used for two purposes that we
know Of and for no other, viz. First, to
make an internal noise on the Fourth Of Jn-
". and second, to commit murder with all
the year around. We know Of absolutely
nothing else they are good for. They are not
used In war any more, for they are ofno use
IN battle. Infantry do not carry them and
never get near enoughto the enemy 10 reach
them with pistol They are never used In
hunting, for they neither shoot straight
enough nor carry far enough to. bring down
game. Why, then, should their existence be
tolerated or their manufacture permitted -