The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-08-16
LA EaYetto lind. J Sunday Times.

Tia Fayette Qnd.) sunday Times.
Our City Druggists report an immense
sale Of st. Jacobs Oil, saying the demand
Is based upon the popularity Of its success.
Wherever 1t has been used, 1t has proved
its value thousand fold, and receives its
best encomiums from those who have tried
it..
when Juia's beau enters. Wishing to
make friend of the STRIPPING he has coale
to regard as his future brother IN law, he
talks to him about toys and picture books
and Indians and finally asks nm:
'Have you seen the cometf"
lyon bet," answers Charlie, "and julie
says it remlnds her of YOU"
"Of me Come now Charlie, what else
did she say2"
''Nothmg, only that it reminds her of
you because it is chiefly gas"
A sURLY husband alwsys has some pre-
tcxt..for his suriincss. An intimate friend
who had breakfastcd with one Of these
chronic growlcrs noticed that his wife
helped him to the tenderest part Of the
slad, and took occasion in view OF this
proof of consideration TO rebukc hlm for
his unreasonable moods.
"You Can't surely find fault with her for
giving you the best cut.
''Can't I2' was tho reply, "shc only
helped me to it because il had the most
bones.'
IT is announced that 1t will be the fash.
ion this Summer to be picturesque. That's
all ght. But the question Of what Is pic
turesque isn't always easy to decide. per-
haps a man in knee trousers and striped
hose Is picturesque and perhaps he isn't.
Perhaps it is picturesque to wear an old
tin kettle tied to your coat tail. Perhaps
1t Is picturesque to be cross eyed. Who
will dctino pcturesqueness2
"WERE you drunk?" asked His Honor
at tho Central Station of prisoner who
had been found in gutter.
"Were drunk
eyes"
"Well, the last thing remember was
seeing the City Hall tower leaning over
within foct of my head, and squatted
to get out of the way. II tho tower is
down was sober: if it's up there yet. I'll
admit that | came awful near having an
attack of the vertigo"
No prettier compliment eau be given
than that which comes from the warn,
heart and quick wit Of the true tlibernian.
Mike was laying pavement brick in the hot
sun, and the lady of the house mixed up q
nice cool drink and carried it out to quench
hiG thirst. After long drawn swig he
wiped Ms mouth OH his sleeve and said
V1l Lf,; -,
divilll will find it. out"
AN lrishman having to appear before the
Sheriff, was told before he went that the
sheriff was Il bad one, meaning, of course,
rigid law dispenser. Upon appearing the
sheriff, addressing Pat, said, II am told
that you bear no great character, SIR" Sin
troth," says Pat, They tell Inc yer no great
shakes yerself, sur"
"Ilow," said Judge to a witness, chow
do you know that the plaintiff was intoxi-
Gated on the evening referred to2" "Bo-
cause saw him, few minutes after sup
per, trying to pull off his trousers with a
bootjack. Verdict for The defendant.
"MoTHER sent me-" said little girl to a
neighDor, "to ask you to come and take a
cup of tea with her this evening"" "Did
she say at what tim. my dcar?" "No,
ma'am; she only said she would ask you,
and then the thing would be of her mind.
That was all she said. "
lAlbany, IN. ~ Daily Press and Knlckerbocker.] ]
Abandoned.
We perceive by one Of our Massachu-
setts exchanges that Or. Lorenzo Waite, Of
Westfield, al eminent physician of Btrk-
shire Co., strongly ind0rscs st. Jacobs Oil.
With 1t he cured Il Case of Sciatica that re.
sisted all regular treatment, and had in fact
been abandoned rs ;ncurahle.
"WHAT would our wives say, if they
knew where wo arc1" said the captain of a
''down east" schooner, when tloy were
beating about in thick fog, fearful Of go.
ing ashore. "Humph! l shouldn't mind
thai" replied the mate, "if we only knew
where we were ourselves"
"SoRRy to hear that your wife Is threat.
cncd with Deafness" said an Albanian to
his friend, one morning recently.
"Yes, "explalned the husband, ca month
ago She could catch whisper up four
flights OF stairs, but she's been attending
the sessions of the Legislature for several
weeks and her hearing is almost gone, poor
thing"
"IIERR's fly in my soup, waiter o.
Yes, sir; very sorry, sir; but you can
throw away the fly and eat tho soup, can't
your" "Of course l can; you di.in't eX.
pect me to throw away the soup and eat the
fly, did you2"
"THAr milk is pretty blue, landlord p
"Don't understand 1t, Sir. My cow is well
fed, l milk her myself, and / don't pu,
water IN tho milk" "Well, the weather
has been quite wet, and l reckon the COW
needs shingling, that's about it,"