Connecticut western news., 1881-11-02
WIT AND WISDOM.

hands with the man named Morse who recently got married and four weeks later applied to the Legislature and had his name changed to Re-Morse.
 LORD BRoxFELD, Scotch judge, once said to culprit who had pleaded his own case very eloquently, "You are very clever fellow, mon, but I'm thinking ye wad be none the worse fort bit hanging"
 "B1Ew great guns last night" said the milkman as he poured out the days supply. ''Blue milk, too, MT. Chalk" said Spicer, who had just come down for his boots, and wondered why the man of cans slammed the back gate so hard.
 THE market reports fro m Oil City say "crude oil is stronger" If it smells any stronger than the refined" oil we are now burning, it requires about six
 years treatment with carbolic acid and
 chloride of lime before it will be mild
 enough to use as fertilizer, without danger of developing malignant spe- cies of cholera.
 THOMAS HARRISON, the evangelist" claims to have converted l9,000 souls. One day a man much the worse for
 whisky staggered up to the celebrated
 Whitefeld, and said: "Misser White
 field, was converted by you two years ago." "Ah!'' said the preacher, "this
 looks just like my work. Now, if God
 had converted you"
 A CERTAIN attorney, who was trying
 to browbeat judge and obstruct the
 course of justice, was met with the
 awful question from the Bench: 'Mr.
 Blank, do you know what this Court is
 sitting for ?" The lawyer looked into
 space moment and then replied:
 "Your Honor, I may be mistaken, but
 my impression is it is about $6,OOO
 year."
 SOMETIMES mans ideas become con-
 fused, and as consequence he is apt to
 tell the truth. A certain justice was
 trying 8 man for stealing quantity of
 copper, but he uniformly called 1t lead.
 At last, after making the mistake again,
 he petulantly exclaimed, ''I beg your
 pardon, gentlemen, ought to say cop-
 per, know, but somehow I can't get
 the lead out of my head"
 AN exchange says: GA frst-class
 French cook readily commands salary
 equal to that of bank president, but
 this fact does not appear to stimulate
 Americans to enter the culinary field" 1 Of course not, replies the Norristown Herald. An American may become good cook, but the process of becoming
 Frenchman is wherein he would be apt to fail. It is next to impossible for l an American to become French cook. A CASE of heartless cruelty to burg lars occurred in Madison the other l night MT. O. Laurence entered his l office on Sunday morning and found his , safe-door standing open, with seven = holes drilled in the door. Upon exami- 3 nation, the contents were found to be s intact, not onb of the eleven cents hay 9 ing been taken. MT. Laurence then re- = membered that he had left the door of r the safe unlocked the night. before, and l after the burglars had drilled the seven n holes, they also noticed that 1t was un- a locked. It is & sad commentary. @ THOUGHTS FROM FREDERIKA RREMER.
 I FEEL sure that I shall know my friends in heaven by their eyes. THE fruit of disunion is commonly thorns and missiles, but it may likewise ' bear seed for the granary of heaven.
 THERE are words which can separate
 hearts sooner than sharp swords; there are words whose sting can remain in she n heart through whole life. e THERE is time when, under the if weight of long, wearisome years, the ,s human soul has become infexible, and J. has no longer the power to raise itself IF from the slough into which it has sunk. d ADVERSE fate barrlcades the shore y which the vessel is on the point of ap- a preaching, by dangerous breakers, and r. interrupts the bond between the dearest }, friends, which is just about to be ce- e mented eternally.
 g ALL human souls have their heights, la but then they have also their morasses, "a their pits. A frequent mounting up- e ward, or a more constant abode upon IS these heights, is the stipulated condi- o tion of mans proximity to heaven.
 = SUFFERING is the blow which turns 'u ', up the field of the soul, into whose deep ~ furrows the all wise husbandman scat. " ters his heavenly seed.
 oe AS THE sunken sun often throws the Id loveliest light upon the earth which il DO has left, so does beloved, departed hu' re man being cast light of holy remem 10 brance on the remaining solitary friend re HAVE you ever been conscious, while w listening to beautiful piece of music 'ts of deep necessity, an indescribabl' e- longing, to find in your own life har nd mony like that which you perceive Il K. the tone?
 'N THERE is nothing more intolerabl' or than to lose ones time in waiting; noth ne .,e ing more useless; nothing more insup III portable; nothing which more easil. Ill might be prevented, if people woul of only resolutely set about it. Life gh really too short for one to be able t ny waste half of it in waiting.
 ct BETTER thousand times to grow ol , O over the spinning wheel and the ashe ffs of the cooking stove than to becom os gray with artificial flowers in the hail
 on the benches of the ballroom or tn