The Portland daily press., 1881-04-23
'rFfF;: PRESS.
Mrs. Trumpet's Telescope.
tLondon Society,"

,nSrain, al eiShly-one-ton Gun, a thunder
bolt, or anything that is the embodiment of
all-conquering force.
She wa. !. widow. Fifteen years ago she
hau en- Miss Mainwaring, with plenty of
suod blood in her veins but no money in
her purse. Benjamin. Thursby Trumpet,
ESQ.,, a Bristol merchant, sprung from the
gutter, and worth heap of money, "came''
and ''sa1" Miss Mainwaring, and was
conquered. He proposed for her; she &C
copied his money. In three weeks time
she was Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet. She
became rich, and rare were the gems she
wore; but o, that vulgar husband! With
allher eccentricities she was lady; and
O, thai husband! Mrs. MainwaringTrump
learned the lesson that Others have learned
before her-tllat you cannot sell yourself
and have yourself at the same time. Well,
she etched a handsome price, and to do
her Justice she did not grumble much.
Benjamin Thursby Trumpet-like Mr..
Boundcrby in "Hard Timcs"-loved to talk
of his origin, AMI how he rose from nothing,
leaving the audience to infer what clever,
hard-headed fellow he mnst be. But he
grew too fond of this practice, and one day
when he had been riding his hobby rather
hard, a wag, upon his leaving the room,
caught up, his visiting card, and reading his
initials aloud-"B. T. Trumpet''-called
him OH the spot Mr.. Blow the Trumpet The
name stuck. Two months after she was
married, a loving friend said to the bride,
'sDo you know they nickname your hus-
band Mr.. Blow the Trumpet"
The bride laughed; the shaft of such
malice could not harm her. She rather
enjoyed it; and the friend had to search her
culver for another arrow.
"And they do say-you don't mind, of
course, dear-that he has met his match,
and that you are Mrs. Blow the Trumpet
Horribly low, l call it, dear. Don't youp'
The bride nearly tainted with indignation
and for the first and only time in her life
required the use of smelling salts. She was
not half so excited ON the memorable night
when her husband was found sitting in his
dining-room over his port, quite dead. She
pronounced it apopleXy at a glance, sent
for the doctor and flew abc,.t the house with
brandy and basins Of mustard poultices and
not fanncls, reminding all who saw her in
,me inexpfcable way of fire engine MAX
:. way to an exciting confagration.
But she did not faint, and never asked for
so much as Whit out of a smelling bottle.
Thus did Miss Mainwaring become Mrs.
Mainwaripg Trumpet, widow, with large
fortune all her own. The vulgar husband
was gone-"mercfully released, "my DEAR"
the widow would say; though what
it was from-except herself-no one could
have told. And yet Mrs. Mainwaring
Trumpet was not happy, Who is? She
wanted to get rid of this dreadful name.
Mrs. Blow the Trumpat. How should she
manage? Apply to the Queen for patent?
Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet had bethought
her of an easier, a more agreeable, and
more economical way.
The rector of her parish was a widower,
tall, lank, gloomy, and always wearing
comforter. An ordinary hedgestake, neatly
dressed in clerical attire, with white wool
len wrapping at the upper end, surmounted
by black hat, might have passed for the
Rev. Arthur Arrowsmith at very short
distance. Mr.. Arrowsmth was powerful
preacher, and in common life grave, yet apt
at times to be seized with kind of grim
humor, of which the sign would be series
of violent inspirations. These, in an ordi-
nary being would have denoted the outset
of a fit, but with Mr.. Arrowsmith only
meant that his fancy was tickled. He had
been twice married. His first wife had &c.
600 and she lived ten years. He became
trebly gloomy for the space of eighteen
months. and always had an allusion in his
sermons TO the grave where ones heart was
lying. Suddenly he cheered up and married
another lady, this time with 1000, and
his sermons began to allude to the possibili-
ties of comfort that are provided for
even the greatest sorrows. The second Mrs.
Arrowsmith, however, held out better than
her predecessor, and it was twenty years be-
ferc her relict found himself raking up his
old allusionSto the quiet grave and the peo-
smith the second had been dead for eight
cen months clear, and Mr.. Arrowsmith,
thinking once more of consolation, fixed his
eyes on Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet. His
eyes were not much to look at, being deep
set and no colored, but they told their tale
to Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet as clearly as
If they had been azure or jetty orbs, signal
ing from the most delicate environment of
hair and CHEEK. Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpet
saw that the Rev. Arthur Arrowsmith had
fallen in love with her. To show her appre-
citation of his taste and her reciprocity, she
bounded into love with him-took kind of
header into the sentiment, and immersed
herself with an amazing splash. They were
engaged two days afterwards. Mrs. Main
waring Trumpet talked about the affair ev-
erywhere She laughed over it, cried over
1t, grew crimson about it, published it on
the housetops, swore her friends to secrecy
about it, and generally behaved like Mrs.
Mainwaring Trumpet gone mad outright,
which may be taken to denote mania of
sevenfold power.
She courted Mr.. Arrowsmith at the Sun
day school, and stood SO close to him when
he came to visit her class one morning, she
trod on his corn and made him Jump three
PAGES clean, with a squeak that frightened the
whole room. She ogled him from her front
seat in the gallery with such power and di-
rectness that several times he lost his place.
She ran after him in the street, coming up
with him all breathless and heat, which at
her time of life did very well for bushes.
She made him slippers which he could not
wear because they were too small, and
worsted jackets which hung about him in
vast folds because she had taken the meas
ure of her own frame for the pattern. She
lost no opportunity of talking about him,
and linking him with herself; she vowed and
declared that every night of her life she
dreamed of him, and awoke calling upon his
dear name. Her love was perfect cataract
always going on, and making a tremendous
noise in the meantime.
At last a grand idea struck her, in pur-
suit of which she started for London by the
early express, getting to Paddington at 10
o'clock. She gave the porter half crown
to catch her the very first cab. She told the
cabman that she would give him half SOW
erign if he drove her to Dolland's in twenty
five minutes. She SPA from her
cab and rushed into the shop pant
ing, and demanding to see the very best tel
escope manufactured for field use. She saw
one with stand complete for $50 tried in it
Nv = ooi OhuiSu diu, UOuSuG III, pdlQ IOr IL
in S. notes, got her discount for cash, was
in her cab and rafting back to Paddington
again exactly in ten minutes and half. She
caught the return express and was home
again before lunch. having travelled between
200 and 300 miles and transacted all her bust
ness. Her lunch was a pheasant, and she
ate the bird to the bones and then set about
completing her design.
Mrs. Mainwaring Trumpets boudoir win
dow looked straight across to the rectory, at
distance of about one mile. In her bou-
doir window she erected her telescope, aim
ed full at the dining-room and study of the
rcctory. She adjusted the focus, and
scarcely breathing with excitement, applied
her eye to the glass.
A long silence ensued. Adams, the maid,
who stood by, with serious expression
carefully spead over derisive grin, began
to think that the experiment had failed,
when. after long interval. Mrs. Mainwar-
ing Trumpet sprang to her feet with yio-
lence which upset the telescope, stand and
all.
II saw him." she cried trumphan tly, 'sas
plainly as if he were in this roomr'
With trembling fingers she set up the glass
again, and now, in more composed frame
of mind, began to explore anew. Another
long silence followed; and then Mrs. Main