The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-02-24
HUM0R OF THE DAY.

HUM0R OF THE DAY.
To make a successful run for Office q
man must initiate snow. He must come
down Observation-Disclosures Chro-
aicle.
The Canadian weather prophet in
forms the world through the Oil City
Deqrie& that no weather is genuine un-
less Nennor's name is blown on the
bottle.
Improve the evenings" says an eX-
change, and the Norristown Herald adds
that it is needed, for some evenings this
wear have not been fit to be recognized
by decent people.
We Tare informed 10y the immortal
declaration that all men are born free
and equal. How is it with twins? Does
Il twin have an equal chance with tho
rest of humanity? Boston Transcript.
January sncczy; February freely;
March, breezy; April whcczy;
May, showcry June, lowcry;
July bOwu1y: August, shoWcry:
September, Wcy; October, flowcy:
November, snowy: December, Slowcy.
LOuiscjUe Courier JOWndi.
iplullSllto SllON illdi lGMtl
occur upon Friday than upon any other
day Of the week. Friday is considered
unlucky, you know. A crusty old bach
elor whispers i'll our enr that marriage
is unluclzy, no matter what the day
Boston Transcript
Ma" said Young inpudence ut
breakfast, this morning, "this is tho
last pie you made, amt it 2" "Yes,
my son; why?" % l guess you had to
paint the stufting in with brush. It's
awful thin" Sentenced to go pieless
until he can cultivate proper spirit Of
appreciation.--Ne,c Hacen Register.
A crushed youths revenge: Ambitious
boy" Mother, may go out West and
fight Indians % Mother No, my
son, but you may go down to the cellar
and fetch me mp a scuttle of coal"
Thereupon the heart-crushed lad swore
eternal hostility to society and forth
with became plumbers apprentice
Brooklyn Eagle.
a creditor who had given his debtor
a week to contrivo some plan to meet
his obligations called at the expiration
of the period and politely asked:
" Have you thought over that matter
yet ?" "Not exactly" responded the
debtor with Il troubled look; "you see
| wanted to think of it good deal but
the very day you left my doctor told
me 1 mustn't do any brain work. y
BroohHn Edgle.
A fond Galveston wife presented her
husband with a beautiful suit of blue
cloth as a New Years gift. She was
looking at him yesterday, when it
struck her that the cloth was fading.
Said she: "That suit don't look near az
blue as it did when You got it." "That
is rather strange, for L feel bluer than
ever in it since L got the bill, I assure
you. [ changed color as soon as 1 saw
it."-GdiceStOH NetCS.
They We're Watching the sea-gulls
whirling in graceful circles above the
waters OF the bay, while the rays of the
sinking sun covered the landscape with
a flood of gold. Finally he turned to
her, and i'll voice trembling with emo
ton, asked: "Darling, if we were sea-
gulls, would you fly away with me and
be at rest ?" TO which she answered,
with her gaze fixed on fNr-off mass of
castellated clouds: No, George; I'd
ICb NOu ny AWAY, ull'l luGli l Il uuNG All
the rest wanted here"
Sam Johnsing is the colored porter
in large Galveston business house,
which is proyerbial for not paying it's
employees living wages. The other
day the head Of the firm called Sam
back just as he was going to dinner and
said TO him: 90 wanted to ask YOU
something, Sam, but to save my life
can't remember what it WAS" per
haps," said Sam, " you was gwine to
ask Inc how de deuce L keep soul and
body togedder on seven dollars q
week GdicestOn Ne,Cs.
A French chemist claims to be able
to create thunder-stoIms at pleasure,
each one having an area of six miles
sluare. 1t is hoped he will be sup
pressed before his secret is made known
to the public. Ii the people generally
were to possess such a gift, the thunder
storms would average at least one day
all the year round. A Sunday-school
( couldn't have a picnic without some
mean member of an opposition church
bringing down thunderstorm upon
their heads. This wouldn't be so bad,
however, for Sunday-school picnics are
accustomed to such things; but imagine
how it would be during a presidential
campaign 1t would be impossible t.
have a torchhght procession without hav
ing a thunderstorm at the same time
The Democrats would make it unpleas
ant for the Republican turn-outs and tn
Republicans would drench the Demo
cratic demonstrations: The Frencl
7 chemist can't be swept out of existenc'
minute too soon,-NuTistoapn Herald