The Brookhaven ledger., 1881-04-21
Onr Dessert.

Q9m Dessert.
Two>button kids-A young goat
fight.
Tue latest thing out-The hired
girl.
The hornet belongs to the power that
bee.
When is pig the heaviest? When
he led.
The tramp question-HoE far is 1t
to the next Village?
When is sheep like ink-When you
take it into the pen.
"Let'er slide,' as the man said when
his wife fell on the ice.
Cucumbers and green plums have
made countless millions moan.
When is gambler like sportsmen?
When the game is his own.
Young men should pattern after
pianos-be square, grand. unright.
The man who has been sparkling a
girl says she has heart of flint.
What parts of the body are the most
useful to carpenters?-Ihen nails.
Money that bank officers get away
with is charged to running expenses.
When is white man an African?
When he's a (blacking) his. shoes.
"Sigars, tobacco and bullony sawsig"
is one of the worst signs of the hard
times.
New song by lady-'Be it ever 80
humble. there's nc place like the
neighbor's.'
1t is discouraging to see the price of
liquors decline as soon as fellow has
sworn off.
A boys advice to school>masters-
Let all the ends thou aimest at be thy
countrys.
Josh Billings says. very truly, ycu
had better not know so much than to
know so many things that amt SO.
HIVE you any loose change, this
morning? said young fellow to his
companion. No, indeed. money is
tight.
A Sabbath school scholar was asked
what Adm lost when he fell. and he
replied: 81 suppose it was his balance.
The experience of many a husband.
What fool l have beenl The expe.
rience of many wife. What a fool l
have got!
What is the difference between spi>
der and sea gull? One has his feet
on web, and the other has web on
its feet.
A sign posted up in Wisconsin saw
mill reads: 1.-THE saws are running;
no use to touch them to convince your
selves"
Some of our saloon counters are too
low. These, with the short straws u.s.
ed, are making many of our young men
round-shouldered.
A philosopher who went to church
where TIE people came in late, said it
was the fashion there for nobody to go
till everybody got there,
A little child of our acquaintance
thinks that God must be glad when
prayer meeting night comes, cause
He hears such lots of news.I
1t is almost impossible to wash ink
stains out of clothing, but if you nse
the same ink to mark the name on
boiled SHIRT, ii will disappear in two
weeks.
The Press-the Pulpit-the Petit
coats; the three ruling Powers of the
day. The first spreads knowledge, the
second morals, and the last spreads
considerably.
Spilkins after having shown his
youngest boy how to black his own
boots every morning, remarked that
there's nothing like having little sun.
shine in the house.
A Fifth Avenue young lady has com.
piled list of her gentleman acquaint-
ances. and entered their names in a
handsome parlor album. She plainly
calls it her "him book"
A coal merchant was discharging q
man who had been working for him,
when the employee said, swell. I've
learned one thing while working for
you. I've learned that 1,700 pounds
make ton"
A very tall man was in the streets of
Boston. when an old lady. who admired
his gigantic stature. thus addressed
him: "Mister. were you large when
you were smalI?' Eyes, marm, I was
considerable big when [ was little"
1t is said of distinguished member
of the bar, who secured the acquital of
client for stealing a COW, at the begin
ming of his practice. when told that his
kindness could never be repaid. as the
defendant was very poor, replied, "Oh.
I'll let him off easy-I'll take the cow"
81 threw this: off IN ten min
utes," softly said the poet, placing a
manuscript on the editorial table. The
editor said that when it came to speed
no long-haired poet should distance
him-and he threw it off in less than
ten seconds-off the table into the
waste basket.
A man noted for imperturbility and
scolding wife, was stopped in the
woods one night by pretended ghost.
He only said, 81 can't stop, my friend;
if you are man l must request you to
get out of the way and let me pass. If
you ate the devil como along and take