St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-02-25
Squibs.

When a woman leaves a man who
has not earned his salt for years, he
Immediately advertises that lie will
pay no debts of her cOntracting.-P Phil
adelpha News.
Galveston avenue by one of the most
stylish policemen on the force. 81
hate to walk along arm in arm with Il
policeman" said the tramp. "You
ought to be used to it by this time"
replied the policeman. 81 can't get
used to bearing people on the streets
say, Just look at that vagabOndn when
| know they must mean one of u.s."
When YOU see a man take off his hat
to you, it is a sign that he respects you
but when he is seen divesting himself
of his coat, you can make up your mind
that he intends you shall respect him.
The slOwness of the walters at a Gal
weston hotel is getting to be proverbial.
After waiting until he was tired out, n
gentleman called the waiter and asked
when his turn was to come. Cant
tell, sir. I've got to wait on that other
gentleman first. He leaves on the
train tomorrow morning. Galveston
News.
The Galveston darkies read the pa
pers great deal more than one would
suppose. Yesterday Tom Buckner,
who keeps a colored saloon, applied to
a county clerk for "a marriage license.
The official, thinking 70 joke the appli-
cant, said he could not issue the license
unless Tom gave a $500 bond not to
apply for divorce for whole year.
Tom laughed and said: ~ kin glib de
bond, but den You must glib a bond to
keep dat ar Rescue Conklin off Calves
ton island, or dar will be trouble, suah."
~ Galveston News.
When a married woman buys a pug
dog for low price, she gets bargain,
and her husband gets something to
boot Somerville Journal.
When VenuOr makes a hit in his pro-
dictions, he writes to a newspaper call
ing attention to the fact. When he
makes miss, he don't write to a news
paper calling attention to the fact. He
don't write many more times than lie
does write NOrnstown Herald.
Jonah was the first conundrum-the
whale gave it up.
When a pretty Irish girl is stolen
away, they suspect some BOycOtter.-
Picayune.
The Elmira Free Press hopes that
Mr.. Vennor will predict future punish
ment because then, you know, there
won't be any.
A young man sent 60 cents to a firm
that advertised a recipe to prevent bad
dreams. He received slip of paper on
which was written, Don't go to sleep"
A Scotch clergyman at Ayr, few
Sundays ago, prayed: go Lord, bless
the established church, and the free
church, aud the united Presbyterian
church, and all the other churches.
Thou knOwest the various nicknames,
Lord, by which they are called; bless
them all.n
The young milkman and his girl
stood before the justice of the peace.
"You take this milk-ahem this man
| for butter or for worse p the mighty
man of the law inquired. The girl said
| it never a-curd to her before, but she
supposed she would if that was the on
ly whey ROckland Courier.
A brother arose in weekly prayer
meeting in New Jersey and said,
Brethren, when / consider the short
ness Of life, feel as il | might be taken
away suddenly, like thief in the night"
Another brother in church in BOs-
ton, when the subject of the meeting
was death, remarked, "The great men
in our country-how they are going !!
There is Webster, Clay, Benton, Mar
cy, Everett-all gone, and'-after Il
pause-'brethren, don't feel very well
myself"
What is the prime object of soldiers
driil3 To make holes in the enemy.
"Why should red COW give white
milk p was the subject for discussion
in a suburban agricultural club. After
IN hours debate the secretary of the
meeting was instructed to milk the
COW and bring in a decision according
to the merits of the milk. 1t was blue.
i - New Haven Register.
An exchange informs us that the
Bankrupt is about to be put on the
stage. HereabOuts he generally rides
] in his own carriage.-lSpicer.