Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1881-08-25
SUMMER SMILES.

A professional beauty, though two words,
is really only one silly belle.
A Connecticut woman was appointed
Constable the other day, and the first
thing she said was, Now / shall catch a
man."
Mary Walker asserts that the Venus de
Medici never wore corsets. OF course not
She didn't wear anything her wardrobe
was tore-so.
would'st hear the pun that Hero made,
Embracing on the sand her
Wet loverl "Sweet Tulips !" he said,
Aud she cried, so Leander !"
Grace-"I am going to see Clara to-day.
Have you any message?" Charlotte
don't see how you can visit that dreadful
girl. Give her my love-"
We have Just read a handkerchief flirta.
ton code, and advise all men desiring to
avoid breach of-promise suits to wipe theil
mouths with their coat-tails.
Sam Kearney, of Illinois, killed his wife
because he could not make her sit down in
chair. He didn't begin right. Ii he
had told her to stand up she would have
sat down.
Last summer she was eating green corn
by gnawing it from a cob, when her teeth
became entangled with corn silk. ooh,
dear" said she impatiently, 81 wish when
they get the corn made they would pull
ont the basting threads -
Il young man In a street-car gives up
his seat to pretty young lady he will be
accused of Partially if he gives it up to
an ugly old lady it will be said he does it
for effect. The average mean plan for him
to adopt is to keep the seat himself, and see
nothing but the paper he is reading.
"Just one, murmured he, involantarily
drawing closer to the luscious lips that
smiled upon him with such bewitchingnesg,
while his own quivered in any agony of
expectant anticipation. $50 | notice, ;"
replied she coolly, glancing at the clock,
and time for you to turn up your coat
collar and shut the street door. from the
outside"
What is the difference" said she,
Between the moon and your
al cannot tell, my treasured one"
Said he with interest new.
" The difference is this, said she,
With the satire Of Junius
The moon hath silvery quarters, love,
While you are mpecunious."
Madame asked her husband for new
outfit. "My darling" he replied, "that
would make the third in two months, and
times are so hard that -" "You will
kill me y exclaimed the lady. bursting into
tears, ''and my funeral expenses will cost
you more than new dress" "Ah, but
should have to bury you only once" was
the comforting reioinder.
1t is now that the Boston maiden writes
home from Nahant or the White Noun
tains: 81 shall return home on the half
past 4 o'clock train tomorrow to resume
my studies. Get down my Emerson, and
dust off my Thucydides. Please see if you
eau ind cheap copy of the Rig veda any,
where, and see that you have large plate
of beans ready for me on my arrival"
The young woman who desires to have
herself Published in the newspapers as
:. fascinating, beautiful and accomplished"
will please pack up her clothes in a dirty
towel, crawl out OF the back upstairs
window some dark rainy nighs, and elope
with the man who curries and feeds her
dads horses. It's big price to pay for
compliments, but it will bring them iust as
certain as dirty rainwater barrel will be.
get mosquitoes in July.