The daily Cairo bulletin. (Cairo, Ill.) 1878-1???, 1881-04-23
HUMOR.

pHAch thinks that Victor Hugo on his
birthday should be rechristened Victor
Ego.
TO avoid being cheated in horse
trade, be sure that your horse is abso-
lutely worthless.
When some politicians are weighed
they are found wanting every office in
which there is vacancy.
Jones, who goes to the "lodge" quito
often, says that Mrs j. could give the
nihiists several points on blowing up.
A hen is more apt to have higher
appreciation of the value of an egg than
human being has, because she sets
more on it,
Notwithstanding the bad effects of
cold on the equine race, it is a we'll
worn proyerb that the gray mare is the
better hoarSe.
Fish are so plenty in some parts Of
Canada that in order TO tell irst-class
lie the sportsman has to swear he didn't
catch any.
What doyou know about the cuckoo"
asked school teacher of little Johnny.
Muffin, 'cePt he don't lay his eggs
himself
The man who took seat in the or.
chestra when his ticket was for the
second balcony felt badly at having to
change. In fact he was moved two
| tiers.
First sophomore (to second ditto,
leaning over the railing of the theatre
gallery) tom, don't fall over; it
costs more down there, and we neither
have another cent here"
Did you ever stop on the dusty high.
way of life TO remember that there are
over seven thousand varieties of apples
in this country, saying nothing of those
found in the boys pocketsP
French eaters of American pork have
secured the services of eight experts.
who carefully inspect all imported ba-
con. La Belle France says to Dame Co
lumbia: There's trick-l-know sis"
We know man so cross-eyed that
he puts his hand into another mans
pocket and distracted therefrom
watch. He wanted to learn the time.
The Judge told him that it would be
three years.
An Irish father, complaining of being
constantly misused by his sons, said
"There is no affection in any one OF
them but little Larry, He is good son.
He never strikes me when am down"
A small boy astonished his mother
the other day by wishing himself pud.
ding. Why q pudding FrankP' asked
his mother. He replied Cause then
l would have lots ofsugarput into me!'
An Irish porter, closing shop one
rainy evening, took off his coat while
putting up the shutters. When asked
why he went out in his shirt-sleeves in
the rain "Shure," said he, "dont
want dry coat to go home IMP"
An Englishman who went to see an
Irish friend, Knocked at tho door and
asked: "DoeS Mr. Mcclure live herep"
ale does, sorr; but he's deadr' when
did he dep IF he'd lived till to-mor-
row." was the response, "he'd have
been dead n fortnight
For German students. A near-sgh.
ted amateur recently tried to charm his
sweetheart Dy WuTDllS oHuUcTl
"Meine rub list hin"--"My rest is gone"
Not being fully conversant with the
language he trilled out: "Mcine kub
st hin"-"My COW is dead" This DO.
longs to the cattle-hog ofpolyglot jokes.
The steam-cars run so rapidly that
they get way ahead of child's age, so
that the boy or girl who was Is when
entering them is no more than 6 or g
by the time the conductor comes along.
Boast of our progress rs you may, but
there's no denying that the children
are behind the age on railways and at
the entertainment ticket-oilice.
The other day the Galveston recorder
was grossly insulted by prisoner. who
is n regularly.ordained chicken-thief,
for which oilense he was being tried.
IL fine you Sl0," said the recorder
"Jedge, eff you will take it out in chick.
ems, III let you hab dem chickens you
missed last week at ten cents less dan
dc market price"