The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-09-16
THE ONE-LEGGEp MAN.
His Complaint Against a Certain Form Of Home
Government.
Blu Nye in Boomerang.

The other morning, while the main guy of
the sanctum was putting some more carbolic
acid in the paste, and unlmbering his genius,
and tuning his Tyre preparatory to yanking
loose a few stanZas on the midsummer
cucumber, q man with a cork leg came softly
in aud sat down OH volume containing the
complete poems Of Noah Webster. He
waited patiently until he could catch the eye
Of the speaker. When the time had arrived
for the lodge to open up unfinished business,
communications and new business, he ran
his wooden leg through the rounds of a
chair, and said: 81 desire to make few
remarks on the subject of home government,
and the rights husband may have which
his wife is bound to respect. Last week
celebrated my 34th birthday, or l started to
celebrate it, and circumstances over which
have no control arose and busted the pro-
gramme as mapped out by the committee of
arrangements. 1t was the intention of the
party, consisting of myself and several
other Of our eminent men, to 60 over to
Sabille cahon with a mountain wagon and .
pair Of pinto plugs for little wholesale
recreation. We had some weapons for slay-
ing the frolicsome jackrabbit and the timid
sage hen, and had provided ourselves against
every possible rattlesnake contingency. We
were all loaded up In good shape, and drove
around 10 my house to get camp-kettle and
some lemons. I went into the pantry, to get
a couple of pounds Of sugar and . nutmeg.
My wife met me in the pantry, and roughly
and brutally smelled of my breath. This
was not the prerogative Of true wife, but
she weighs 200, and is middling resoluts, SO
l allowed her to do so, although every mans
breath is his own property, and If he allows
his wife to take advantage Of her marital
vows to smell his breath on the most un-
looked-for OCCASIONS, what is to become of
our boasted freedom? then went up stairs
into closet after . lap-robe and pillow, to
use In case any of us got sunstruck. My
wife came In just then, and as l started away
with the pillow she tripped me up so fell
in the closet, and before / could recover
my surprise she sat down on me in such
solemn and impressive manner that my eyes
hung out on my cheeks like the bronze door
knobs on Pullman car. There was In
the impenetrable gloom of closet, with the
trusting companion Of my home-life fatten-
ing out my stomach till could feel my
watch chain against my spinal column. She
then unscrewed my cork leg In mechanical
kind of way, aud locked 1t up In the bureau
drawer, putting the key in her pocket. After
that she fastened the closet door on the out
side and told the party would be unable,
owing to the inclemency Of the weather, to
take part In Lhe exercises At Sabille canon.
All through that long, long, weary day,
stood around on one leg, and looking out Of
the window, thinking what potent spell Is
exerted over . wooden-legged man by an
able-bodied wife. 1t Is question, sir, which
is Of vital interest TO US all. Must the one
legged unfortunate continue thus to subserve
the interests of the two-legged partner Of his
joys and sorrows?" f. -tr-r-s4 f.srs
He did not wait for An answer. He simply
gathered up \ few Of our freshest exchanges
and stole softly down the stairs saTg