St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-04-15
Squibs.

A little New Britain girl, thoroughly
imbued with the manufacturing spirit
of the town, answered her Sunday
school teachers question last Sunday
by saying that He who was crucifed
twas hung on cross between two
manufacturers"
Two Galveston gentlemen were talk
ing about certain applicant for feder-
al patronage now in Washington. How
is it that he never got an Office 2"
"Born incapacity is the reason"
"Whew So that's it. Born in Capaci-
ty, was he 2 l never heard of the
town but | reckon it is not in Ohio"
Mrs. Lewis, the English lady who has
recently come to this country to regu
late its dOmesticity, wants to introduce
l3-year-old boys as kOnse servants.
Good idea. Lots of fun in it. How
the boys would enjoy playing pitch and
toss with the erOckery. 'pass ball"
with the biscuits, and squirting water
from the kitchen faucet all over the
house. And then the well known ten
dency of l3-year-old boys to keep their
hands absolutely clean would add
relish to the desserts that would make
in a five-cent restaurant.-[N New Ha-
ven Register.
''Pull down your liver pad" is re-
spectfully offered as a substitute for
pull down your vest"
II suppose you are very glad that
your husband is entirely cured of his
rheumatism 7" said doctor to Gal
weston lady. Eyes, suppose l ought
to be, but from now on we will have to
guess at the weather or buy barome-
ter, if his bones quit aching before
damp spell."-[GalvestOn News.
1--WE men of Bourse," he said to his
friend, "are much illuminated. have
now been at the Bourse for more than
10 yeaIs, aud | never knew but two
rascals who amounted to anything"
"And who is the other ?" asked the
friend.
Jones 81 see Smith has taken to
riding a bicycle" "What on earth is he
doing that for ~ Robinson "Oh, u
very simple reason-tO prevent Mrs.
Smith from going with him ~
A citizen of New Mexico being in
formed that, in his absence, a panther
had attacked his wife, and that she had
beaten of and killed the animal, mere
ly shrugged his shoulders and said ::
"Ef that panther had knOwed her as
well as | do he'd never a riled her up,
you bet"
Arabella ION her toes in a chair,
clutcbing convulsively at her skirts y
''Oh, Bridget! I! A mouse a mouse |!
Come and catch it, quick :" Bridget :
"Shure, mum, there's no hurry. If this
one gets away, | can catch plenty more
| for ye, num-"
A gushing young lady who purchased
a bottle of DR.. Quaque's health bitters
none genuine unless the doctors name
is blown on the wrapper-sent him the
| following testimonial "Dear doctor =,
think your bitters are to awfully love-
! ly After taking half bottle | could
sleep until o'clock in the morning,
while ma was getting breakfast ready.
| Ny health is just too sweet for anything,
and your delightful medicines are just
too supremely nice" etc Norristown
! Herald.
"LOok here, boy" said "A stern Gal
weston parent, ''yOu are telling me a
! fasehoOd. can read it in yOnr face.
| ''Nh ny, pa, you know you cant real
worth a cent without your spectacles."
A New Hampshire farmer agreed to
sell his farm for $4,000, but when the
day came he told the expectant pur-
chaser that his wife was in Mysteries
about the trade, and he "guessed he'd
have to back out" The purchaser
complained, and finally asked how
much more would induce him TO sell.
"Well," replied the thrifty son of the
Granite state, ''give me $3.50 more, and
we'll let her cry"
Pea Blossom, diminutive African,
was up Yesterday for stealing box OF
sardines. Don't you know" said the
recorder, ''that it is wrong for you to
steal as small thing as a can of sar-
dimes, aud be caught at it p "Tain't
my fault boss-foah God it amt" and
the young culprit began TO blubber
"Whose fault was it, then ?" "De
storekeeper, sab. Ef he hadn't come
in and cOtched me when he did | would
have got off wild Il whole dozen boxes
- Galveston News.