davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-03-10
New Story About John b. Cough.

John Is. Cough. who has faced over
5000 audiences, acknowledges that on one
occasion he encountered an embarrass-
ment he could not overcome. 1t was his
own fault, he says, and proved a sharp
lesson he never forgot. In his own
words:
was engaged to address large num-
Der of children in the afternoon, the
meeting to be held on the lawn back of
the First Baptist Church in Providence,
and said:
II have some first rate cigars, will
you have few?"
mo, thank you"
"Do take half Dozen"
81 have no place to put them"
"You can put half dozen in your
pocket"
Iwore cap in those days, and l put
the cigars into it, and at the appointed
time 1 went to the meeting. l assembled
the platform and faced an audience of
more than 1000 children. AS it was out
of doors kept my cap on for fear of
taking cold and forgot all about the
cigars. Towards the close of my speech
l became more and more in earnest, and
after warning the boys against against
bad company, bad habits and against
saloons, said:
Now, boys, let us give three rousing
cheers for temperance and cold water.
Now, then, three cheers. Hurrah!'
And taking off my cap waved it most
vigorously, when away went the cigars
right in the midst of the audience. The
remaining cheers were very faint, and
were nearly drowned in the laughter of
the crowd. was mortified and ashamed,
and should have been relieved could
have sunk through the platform out of
sight. My feelings were still more
aggravated by boy coming up to the
steps of the platform with one of those
cigars and saying:
Here's one of your cigars, Mr..
Cough"
Though 1 never afterwards put cigars
in my cap or hat when going to a meet
ing, am ashamed to say that it was some
time after that before gave up the habit
OF smoking altogether.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-03-10
Burdette and the Weather.

A fellow passenger undertook to tell
Burdette, the Haykeyenian. the other day g,
that it was cold day. Robert opened on
him with string of wonderful lies, and
the story goes on:
Where on eart'." he asked, in utter
establishment, "diu YOU come from?'
Dayton" salt.
His eyes began To creep out and look
at each other ovci .he top of his nose.
'When?" he - ed.
"This mornir., said calmly, "since
s o'clock"
"How?" he fairly shouted.
''In one-horse sleigh" l said.
''Sakes alive" lie shrieked, lit is i'm
possible. It's only IL o'clock now and
Dayton is 55 miles away"
Couldn't help it," insisted. Il left
there little over two hours ago in n
sleigh, had poor horse, drove slowly,
and the mud was up to the hubs of the
wheels all the way. 1t was warm rs May,
and haven't seen enough snow to make
IA one-boy slide in 5000 miles"
The mans hair stood on end, and he
got up to start off for the other end of the
car.
eff you amt crazy, and l believe you
be- he said, with grave earnestness,
'you are an awful liar"
Good nan, l said, 1" expect am, but
| am no fool. l may tell startling lies.
but l do not talk like an ass, and would
be thought IL liar or a maniac rather than
an imbecile. l 90 not come into car
where the thermometer marks three de-
grees below zero and tell living, breath
ing, intelligent, sensitive man that it is
cold, just as though I was imparting
some information to him. l do not
watch him to drive up to the train in Il
sleigh, spinning, over the dry, crisp
snow, Oh the smooth perfect pixies
of Ohio, and then attempt to instruct,
amuse or startle him by telling him that
the sleighing is good. 1 would rather
astonish man than bore him. If have
nothing better to tell him than something
he knows already far better than l do my
mouth is sealed. In order to astonish
him may have to lie to him, but that is
better than boring him. You might as
we'll tell me that twice two is four rs to
tell ME that it is cold. You might rs well
tell me that George Washington is dead,
as to tell me the sleighing is good. Go
away, good man, go to sleep. tell you
it is June, there is no snow; there is dust
and there are roses. Go, get thee to .
nunnery, and when You can model your
conversation on something besides the
United States Signal Service reports,
come and wake me up and hold me in the
matchless charm of your instructive
talk. l know not what course others
may take, but rs for me, gaul blast the
man who talks to me about the weather"
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-03-10
A Dying Mans Vision.

John Pope, pupil of Couture, associate
of the New York National Academy. one
of the founders of the Artists Fund So
ciety, and an enthusiast in his profession,
died at his home on Fourth Avenue on
Wednesday night, believing that ut last,
after forty years of labor, he had found
the secret of perfected art. A man more
thoroughly enraptured with his calling
never lived. He painted while daylight
lasted, and then spent the evening in
producing the crayon drawings so much
admired in the exhibitions of the Acad-
envy of Design. Though as portrait
painter he eXcelled, the dream of his life
was to produce strong figure pictures, in
which the background OF landscape would
form as effective part rs the figures
themselves. This was the ruling passion
in life, and as he neared the end the
passion grew stronger.
On Wednesday evening, as he lay
back on his pillows, very weak and ill
with hemorrhage of the lungs, his wife.
who with their two children were watch
ing ut his side, were startled by his sud
denly rising in bed and crying feverishly:
"Quick! give me my palette and brush.
must paint. Don't attempt to stop me
now, for at last l see it all. l can do 1t
now, for / have just discovered the art
through the influence Of visions of ex-
quisitely graduated music. 1t is plain
AS day at last"
His wife, alarmed at his excitement,
made weak attempt to dissuade him,
but as opposition only increased his ex-
element, and it was evident that his end
was very near. she humored him. His
paints, brushes and canvas were brought
to him, and his fearful relatives arranged
the coverings Of the bed so that they
would look more like the drapery of his
studio. He began to work with haste
amounting almost to frenzy.
"At last, Mt last" he cried, II have
found the beauty which all my life and
over all the world have been struggling
for"
He painted faster and faster, evidently
believing that the canvas would show
the beauty that he conceived, although
it was, in truth, q sad realization OF the
conception. II was late i'll the day when
he began his desth-bed picture. 1t grew
darker and darker as he went on, and his
sorrowing family sat around him power
less to ease his last moments. At last 1t
grew so dark that even he, in his excite
ment, noticed it.
LET us go to the studio" he cried,
suddenly. ...
mo, no; not tonight Wait until to-
morrow
"We must go to the studio, he ex-
claimed, making an effort to rise to his
feet. The tax upon his strength was too
great. Without another word he fell
back on his pillow dead New York
Sun.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-03-10
VitIaied Air ana Intemperance.

A working man writes to the Christian
Register concerning the connection of
bad air and intemperance. He says that
working in Il large room in shoe fac
tory, with from fifty to hundred others,
the fumes of tobacco mingling with the
sickening smell OF leather, he found it
useless to try to ventilate the room, by
the windows. Every morning he low
cred them an inch. but in half an hour
all would be closed. The door had
spring, which prevented its being left
open minute. and there was no way
of securing fresh air. When he left
his work at night he felt so faint and
lifeless that he longed for stimulant.
Many of the men went at once to the
nearest saloon when the days work was
ended The men think it is hard work
that makes them feel so tired, but in
reality it is the breathing and rebreath-
ing, hour after hour, air which has
been deprived of its oxygen, and is
loaded with poison. OF course ill-health
is general among the workmen, and it
is not strange that the fifty drink shops
in the town are we'll supported. 1t is
much to be wished that employers I'M
derstood the importance of securing an
shops and factories. To do so would
serve their own interests, rs the work
men would perform their tasks with
more vigor and speed. There would
also be less time lost from drunken
ness. Smoking in the work-room should
he prohibited. No Intelligent person
will deny that tobacco smoke in an un-
ventilated room is not only sickening
to many persons, but dangerous to all.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-03-10
\ Snake St..ry.

A sportsman, who penetrated into the
Jungle lying between Buddoh and Siran-
COON, came upon q lone hut in district
called Campong Batta, upon the roof OF
which the skin of On enormous boa or
python was spread out. The hut was &C.
cupied by a Malay and his wife, who
told the sportsman the following extra
ordinary story One night about week
previous the Malay was awakened by the
cries of his wife. Surprising, in the
darkness, that she had been attacked by
thieves, he seized his sharp perang and
CROPPED his way to her sleeping place,
where his hand fell upon Shiny reptile.
It was fully a minute before he could
comprehend the entire situation, and
when he did he discovered that the whole
of his wife's arm had been drawn down
the monsters throat, whittier the upper
part of her body was slowly but surely
following. Not daring to attack the
monster ut once, for fear OF causing his
wife's death, the husband seized two bags
within reach and commenced stuffing
them into the corners OF the snakes
Jaws, by means of which he succeeded in
forcing them wider open and releasing
his wife's arm. No sooner had the boa
lost his prey than he attacked the hus.
band, whom he began encircling in his
fatal coils, but, holding out his arms and
watching his opportunity, the man at
tackled the monster so vigorously with
his parang that it suddenly unwound it.
self and vanished through an opening
beneath the attap sides of the hut. The
Walay's clothes were covered with blood,
as was also the floor OF the hut, and his
wife's arm was blue with the squeezing
it received between the boa's jaws. At
daylight the husband discovered his
patch Of plantain trees nearly ruined,
the boa having in his agony broken of
the trees at the roots. and in the midst Of
OF the debris lay the monster itself, dead.
The Malay stated that he had realised
$50 from Chinese, who came long dis
tances to purchase pieces Of flesh on 40
count of it, supposed medicinal proper
ties, and that he had refused So for the
skin, which he preferred to retain ~ q
trophy. II Straits Times.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-03-10
The Amen ded bible.

According to statements, unofficial.
but apparently authentic, the reviewers
of the New Testament have made alter
ations which will excite some constern-
alton and not little regret among all
those who are familiar with the author
lied version. In the Lords Prayer, the
concluding petition, deliver us from
evil. is changed into Deliver us from
the evil one" Half dozen of the most
familiar texts in the New Testament will
disappear altogether. The question
What shall it profit man il he shall
gain the whole world and lose his own
soul?" is metamorphosed into What
doth it profit man TO gain the whole
world and lose his own life?" 'Hades
is substituted for hell" in two we'll
known passages. The inscription on
the altar ITO the Unknown God will
read ITO an Unknown God" Apart
from those textual alterations and omls-
sions the revisers have abolished the
divisions into chapters and verses and
] printed the new version in paragraph.
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-03-10
SELECTED MISCELLANY.

The BARRIERS apprentice is usually y
strapping fellow.
Never kick man when he's down I'M
less you're sure he can't get up.
If you would not have atfiiction visit
you twice. listen ut once to that it
teaches.
The things which we enjoy are passing,
and we are passing who enjoy them
Archbishop leighton.
The man who said ne was fond of the
hops NJ thu seaside, forgot to mention
that he took them IN his lager.
1t is always better to keep out of q
quarrel than to make it mp ever so AMIGA
bly, after you have got into one.
The telegraph informs us that 1.-THE
kurds have fallen back" which, per-
haps, indicates that the whey is clear.
A man may be Il splendid marksman
and still miss the hickory nut and knock
the nail off his thumb.
1t is in the mothers lap where the boy
obtains all the good he possesses in life.
All, yes. the mothers slap has made
many good boy.
The lecturer who had an audience of
three old maids and one man and his
wife said he drew full house-three of
II kind and pair.
Middleaged matrons, says a kindly
critic, find diversion and novelty in
occasionally dining in public. 1t is y
relief from domestic management.
A dandy, ordering pair of pantaloons
of his tailor, said that he wanted them
A,.x1,& 10 l,ta Tash
ion. IF l can't get them on, said he,
II won't take them
The Boston Post asks if there are
attached to the Worlds Fair.
Quite likely. We know there is stealer
attached to the World newspaper; but he
is Just the reverse of fair.
A portion of the clergy oppose the bill
to legalize marriage with deceased
wife's sister. These disciplinarians are
possibly of the opinion that the man who
marries twice, and is afflicted with but
one mother in-l law, has more happiness
here below than is good for man.
Professor Hall of the Naval Observa-
tory in Washington thinks it barely pos
sible that n comet may strike the earth
and destroy it. But what's the use of
raising such trihing questions when the
Court Journal is discussing the import
ant matter, "How to dress dolls"
Mr.. Burdette in lecture mt Hartford
said: This is Hartford-you can get
insured here i'll any way and for anything
Won wish-mutual. endowment, contine,
accident, intentional, nomadic, differen-
tial, protoplasmic. Baptist, Old School
Presbyterian, Congregational, Bob In
gersoll, Renaissance, Gothic, Byzantine,
greenback, composite, Corinthian,
Scotch, cheviot, gos samer, seamless, new
Wheeler Il Wilson, barbed wire, liver
pad, and hard finish. 1t is the central
and disturbing point for the entire insur-
ance business of America. No insurance
company is genuine without Hartford
is blown upon the bottle"
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-03-10

Texas papers are speaking Of the late
George Eliot" - ''a very gifted but
very immoral man." Yes, poor old fel-
low, be had his weaknesses; bat - :
pugilist. he stood unrivaled. England
viii not soon forget his celebrated mil
ON the Floss."
The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-03-10

"Marial Marial please let me in" said
. man 70 his wife, Who was looking out
Of the window, watching him trying 70
open the door with toothpick. ''Ish
tread on my hey, and it's al Aatesnsd
The Worthington advance., 1881-09-01

he had ''beat'' his way. Ho foraged ubon the
country. He lad been married at ono time
but firing Of that relation he confessed crini.
nal relations with ard abandoned woman Who
Joined him in the shameful acknowledgement.
and Of course tho injured wife ~eceivoti !
DECREE she is now living In Leadville. and
from her account Of til" fellow, he IL /
moral wreck and wholly abandoned tn fhe
evil impulses OF his vicious nature.
HIS PRISON LIFE AND PnOsPECfSI
When taken to the jail the wretch was con-
ceeled in securing interested attention from
the sentimentalists. No less personage than
Senator Hoar protested against his bain1
placed in solitude, and a misguided and now
rich female carried him rare dish of broiied
chicken. which tho prison attendants enjoyed
ligiously sequestered when ho could not read
the account Of his exploits. and in that way his
inordinate esotism suffered 30 far that is tho
only expiAt;on which has been visit
e ss o.a.ed % fs Se le.dsn 81 as :oers Ing
unprecedented disturbance throughout tho ma
ton, the end of which is not yet and cannot be
f0reseen. The question Of his punishment
depends upon his mental condition. Tho
death Of his victim ia the greatest CALAMITY
which conid 9etal him: for it is very doubtful
the country to make finding Of INSANITY. He
has enough method in his fcisncd madaess to
know this and his late expressions on the
assassination are OF hope that tho
president would recover For the murderons
assault, were it not to terminate fatally. eight
years In the penitentiary would be tho limit Of
his punishment il his sanity could be estab-
lishcl. Behind the bars is certainly The soft
est place he can find in tho country. and he
realizes this; for the mere suggestion Of Il led
him to withhold an elaborate petition which he
had prepared to offer the authorities in apply
ing for bail. He acts vory like sane man in
The Worthington advance., 1881-09-01
A MAN-EATING SHARK.

The Adventure of = Young Man In. tho Sce-
konR River ut Providence.
From the Providence (R. l. Journal
Recently number of boys and young
men were bathing in the Seekonk river,
near Carpenters wharf, which is on the
west side. where there was IN occurrence
which will not soon be forgotten. Among
the party was young man named Jerry
Lowney, who lives on Gano street, Provi-
dence, and young man ramei Fleming,
who lives on Water street, in this town,
LOwney went into the water, leaving a pair
OF dry pantaloons to put on when he came
out. Fleming. seeing the pantaloons, for
joke put them on, unobserved by Lowney,
who, on coming to the shore and finding
his pants gone and that Fleming had taken
them, to be square with him put on q pair
of overalls which Fleming had left upon
to the change of pantaloons he prob
ably owes his life, for he had
swan but little distance when a
huge shark made an attack upon him. seiz-
ing hold of his pantaloons near the hip. but
the overalls hanging Sd loosely about him
his flesh not pierced. The shark dragged
b'm fer some distance, making terrible
flashing as he turned over in the water,
sometimes pulling Lowney under the wa
ter until the pantaloons gave away. The
young man, of course. was greatly fright
ened, but was not SO paralyzed that he
could not swim and called to a nan who
was rowing boat near to him, who came
to his assistance and helped him into the
boat. The overalls bear the marks of the
attack, being ripped the whole length of
The leg. Sharks are frequently seen in the
river at this season of the year, though
this IS the first instance where a person has
been known to have been attacked by them
in this vincinity. They are reported to be
uncommonly numerous this year in Nara
gansett Bay. Lowney feels that he has had
a narrow escape from terrible death.
The Worthington advance., 1881-09-01
What Passes for wit.

Woman's rights: Sir William Hamilton
said: "On earth there's nothing great but
man." Thanks, Sir William; no, thanks
awfully. Now, what have you to say, Mrs.
Livermore? '.:'
And yet he was not happy: A little
north side boy of four years was much as
tonished when he awoke one morning last
week to find q little sister in hls mothers
arms. where did it come from?" he asked.
with his eyes wiae open. From God,
was the reply. who brought it?" was the
next very natural inquiry. An angel"
He thought for moment and then ex-
claimed: "Oh! mamma, why didn't you
catch the angel, too?"
"How delightful to enjoy the companion
ship for which the soul longeth," said he,
as his arm naturally drifted across the back
OF the next chair. "Indeed! And is that
companionshiP You speak Of SO feelingly
anything-that can-assist- ist-you-to?"
"Ye-e-s. Oh, Adelaide, sven now the stars
seem to look down upon us with their ben.
edictions, and the comet lights up with ad-
ditional glow as If our happiness added a
new ray to its lustre-" Augustus, You re
just too sweet for anything. We will go to
the excursion tomorrow. won't we?" But
Augustus replied not. He hadn't but 81. .13
in his purse and tickets for the round trip
were IS cents each.-Ne,c.. Haven Register
Model wives formerly took "a stitch in
time;" now, with the aid of sewing ma
chine, they take one in no time.
An old darkey who works around town
by the day and who is very proud of his
reputation for extraordinary ability in ci-
phering, called on Gilhooly yesterday with
a view to get settlement, in cash, for work
done in Gilhooly's garden. We'll. Uncle
Ben, said the major, show much do I owe
you?" Use worked fur ye 'leben days at a
dollar q day, boss, an if yer hand me a
piece Of paper an pencil I'll cipher it out
fur yer" Uncle Ben got the paper, and,
pretending to figure on it, said: 'Leben
days at dollar day. Lemme see, ,ought's
n ought. cipher's cipher, iigure'sa fieu1e.
two ter carry an one ter throw away. 'Leb.
en- dollars, by gosh! Boss, you owes me-
prezackly 'leben dollars. ."-IeSas Siftings
The Worthington advance., 1881-09-01
SEEKING REST.

O 70 that far amid these breathiess places,
Spending your souls 'twixt factory and mart,
Ye whose quick eyes and pale and eager faces
Reveal the restless heart
What are ye seeking in yonr fever'd labor,
That knows no pause thro' al the crowded
week,
Each for himself, and no man for bis neighbor,
What is it that ye seek?
"Oh, some seek bread-no more-life's mere
subsistence,
And some seek wealth and ease-the common
quest;
And some seek fame, that hovers in the dis
tance;
But all aro seeking rest.
Our temples throb, our brains are turning,
turning,
Would God that what We strain At were pos
sess'd;
God knows our eouls are parch'd and black with
yearning;
God knows We faint for rest"
He went his way, . hsggari shape and dreary,
His hard face set toward the kindled west;
And, 10! voice, ''Come unto Me, ye weary,
And will give you rest"
Good Words
The Worthington advance., 1881-09-01
Pittsburgh Evening Chronicle. ]
Dangers to Iron Workers.

Mess. r: Easterhrook & Sons, City Iron
Foundry, Boston, Mass, speaks on this
point as follows: Two or three of our men
were badly burnt in working. They were,
however, Immediately cured hy using that
valuable remedy, st. Jacobs Oil. All our
men are highly pleased with it. and We shall
always recommend it TO those afflicted with
pains or rheumatism
The Worthington advance., 1881-09-01
(Des Moines Iowa State Register ]
lon- & H. VnnQ,.sS Y9Osis,On

A representative mans opinion on other
than political matters, is often of great use
to his constituency. The Hon. S. H. Yo-
der, of Globe Mills, Pa, has thus recorded
his opinion on a subject of popular interest.
have been selling St. Jacobs Oil for the
last year. have never heard q person
speak Of il except as splendid medicine,
and as the great specific for rheumatic af-
fections, whether inflammatory, acute or
chronic, swcllings, sores, sprains, burns
wounds, etc. T sell more St. Jacobs Oil
than any of other kind of liniment, and it
gives universal satisfaction. will always
keep it on hand. The farmers say that for
man and beast, they find nothing to
equal it.
Ex-Rev. W. Fl. II. Murray has on his
Taxas farm half a dozen hnrsas unrfh SGl
The Worthington advance., 1881-09-01

1t is we'll suggested that Genercl Han
cock can afford to be strict in his etiqu cite
on this occasion, and that it is more fun
being major general. with well-estab-
lished weight of about 800, than it is to lie
fading in the White House, living on doctors
slops, and having an ugly hole in your
hock
The Worthington advance., 1881-09-01

1nt!igestfon. Dyspepsia, nervous prostration,
Menslnans peptOnizesl Beef Tonic, the only
preparation of beef containing its entire nHtrtfous
psOperttes 1t is not nero stimulant Ike the a.
tracts Of beef but contains blood-maxinS, forcefen
Grating and ifesustaining propertfes ID invaluable
haustion. nervous prostration. overwork. OF Aeuto
disease, particularly II resulting from pulmonary
complaints. CASwELE, Hazard L Co.. ProprietoFS
New York. Sold by druggists.
The Worthington advance., 1881-09-01
Twin City Shopping List.

For the benefit OF th thousands who will visit Min
aeapos and st. Paul during the week of the great
fair have compiled the following list of reliable
md cnterplisn, business houses. Intending visitors
viii time. trouble and money by studying it be-
fore thoy leave home and cutting it out AMI bringing
i Will, them for reference.