The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1881-08-10
tefT AND VISION.


Black eyes are usually followed up With The
blues.
Even in fishing the line must be drawn
somewhere.
Who is this rusty Kate A cousin to do
ttestis Kate P-Bost Post.
The smaller the husband the larger the
bundle his wife makes him carry. s
Next to klear conscience, for solid kum-
fort, Gums an old shu.-Billings.
1t is mistake to suppose that rose by
any other name would smell as wheat
Yonkers Gazette.
Milkmen and reporters go hand in hand
pumping their way through the world.-New
Haven Register.
The Boston Post recommends onions to a
young woman to prevent d fhoustache coming
on her upper lip. &&
The colleges are busy lettering great men,
SO that they can be identified ifthey go astray
in the future.-Fon du Lac Reporter.
Love ina laughing mood: A Brooklyn
young man calls his sweetheart ssSilence =
because when he wants to kiss her she s'gives
consent. wit and Wisdom. 9. y
If you are the smallest frog in the pond in
crease your cloak. It will attract attention
to you and give everybody chance to see
how insignificant you are.--Keokuk Gate
City.
Young Lover asks !: "When is the best
time to trayel?' When you see the old man
and his bull dog coming around the corner,
sir, travel for all you are worth. --Bost. Post
Accidental: Little Lottie to her friend
baby sister arrived and papa is on a journey.
1t was but piece of luck that mamma was
at home to take care of t."-lndianapolis
Sentinel.
An Ohio joke: A young man in this city,
a short time ago proposed to lady several
years his senior, and for Oh answer she said !:
~ guess don't want to take boy to raise. !"
The young man is now raising moustache
Youngstown News.
A young wife lately lost her husband, who
was about 10 years old. But how did you
happen to marry man of that ageP" asked
one of her friends. "Why," said tue young
widow, "you see only had the choice be-
tween two old men, and of course l took the
oldest. Figaro.
Singular fact. Young LADY, have called
Mrs. Brown, to ask why your children do not
attend the Sunday school now as they used to.
! DO vney noe hive geiag e,' Aksa. brown
Oh, yes, miss, they likes goin' well 'nough
it's the stayin' after they gifts there as they
don't like London Fun.
A dash of silver brightens black costume
with exquisite effsct.-Yonkers Gazette. 1t
does wonderfully. Just dash silver dollar
into your colored walters hand and see how
it will brighten him up, as well as increase
the size of the Strawberries AMI the tender
ness of the steak .-Bost. Com. Bulletin.
One of lie Ducts pupils Smith, who went
into amateur farming this year, says he
planted his bean poles two months ago and
has watered them regularly, and for all that
they haven't grown an inch, and show not the
faintest sign of blossomiug yet. He begins
to fear they win Bear no beans this year.
Bost. Transcript.
Hayseed indignant: "Your meal 70 ready,
sill, said the waiter to Hayseed, just from
the rural districts. Meal % exclaimed Hay
seed Contemporary |; lido yer think Pm a
boss? Get me SEINE corned beef and cab
bage, young mat. "-Bost. Transcript.
Fun from Long Island: "Where are you
livin' now Meikel7 y (" In Donegal street,
number elivin. Come andsay me. =" Faith,
l will. Shall come m be the airy or be the
front dhoorP "Divila ha'porth do care,
but as I'm oocupyin' the garrett perhaps it
wud be more conyanient for ye to come in be
the skhylight - Brooklyn Eagle.
Financial: "Phat wud do wild that? "
exclaimed Patrick, when the hackman handed
him tho baggage check. 81 gave yez good
good money and yez try to put counterfeit
onter me- g You mistake, said the hack
man "this Is not money 1t is only a
check. . I. Go way wild yea cried Pat
isn't check always writ on papor2 Did
yez take me for greenhorti ALTOGETHER ~
Bost. Transcript. f8EYs
Cofl6n't recognize him: "Good mornin', .
shouted up voice as he gently tripped down
to business. "Good mor4-well you've got
the best of me. YOU'RE" Why, don't
you know mep I'm Bill Layoff, you know"
@ Possible it is you, Billy Well, ! declare.
shouldn't have known You IN your shirt sleeves
and at work anywhere" And Bill "drop.
ped New Haven Register.
AZ Massachusetts, dot: ar declare I never
was more impressed 10 my life Win the fool.
ishness of ffies,' exclaimed the boarder to his
landlady, as couple of winged voyagers EN-.
barkcd in his soup plate. 81 do not under
stand you, SIR she added haughtiiy -
"Well," he explained, "those two poor
creatures undoubtedly supposed that This
stuff was thfsk enough to float 'ena. - ost.
Transcript.
New York nonsense "Pa,' quoth Sam
my to his sire, "why don't you go out
West ~ "Why do you ask, my boy .
g Because Bin Higgins father went ana he
struck a BANANA "a bonanza, you mean,
sammy "Well, what's the difference ? y
s'Why, when people strike a bonanza it SETS
4 Thorn nm and when thew strike banana il