Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1881-12-10
LADY PHYSICIANS.
Why ID viii Never DO 70 Cali Them fol
Very Sick Man.

LADY PHYSICIANS.
n Very Sick Man.
From the Milwaukee Sun.
st. Louis doctOr-factory recently turned
out dozen female doctors. As long as the
female doctors were confined to one or two in
the whole country, and those were only expert
mental, We held our peace, and did not COM
plain; but now that the colleges are engaged in
producing female doctors as business. we must
protest. and in so doing will give few reasons
why female doctors will not prove paying
branch of industry. In the first place, If they
doctor anybody it must be women. and three
fourths of the women would rather have a male
doctor. Suppose those colleges turn Outfemale
doctors until there are as many of them as there
are male doctors, what have they got to prac-
with him, might call in female doctor. but if
he was
SICK AS HORSE
Gf man is sick he is sick as a horse). the last
thing he would have around would be female
doctor. And why? Because, when a man has
a female fumbling around him he wants to feel
well. He don't want to be bilious or feverish,
with his mouth tasting like cheese and his eyes
DlOOdshOt, when the female is looking him over
ana taking account of stock. OF course these
female doctors are all young and good looking,
ana III one OF them came into a sick room where
a man was i'm bed and he had chis and was as
cold as wedge, and she should sit up close to
the side OF the bed and take hold of his hand his
pulse would run up to hundred and fifty. and
she would prescribe for fever when he had
chilblains.
OH, you CAN'T FOOL Us
on female doctors. A man who has been sick
hr6
would feel to have female doctor come trip
ping in and throw her fur-lined cloak over a
chair, take off her hat and gloves and throw
them on a lounge, and come up to the bed with
a pair of marine blue ewes. with twinkle in
the corner and look him in the wild. change
able eyes. and ask him to run out his tongue.
suppose he knew his tongue was coated so it
looked like yellow Turkish towel, do you sup
pose he would want to run out over five or six
inches of the lower part of it and let that female
doctor put her finger on it and see how it was?
NOT MUCH.
He would put that tongue up into his cheek
and wouldn't let her see it for twenty-five
cents admission. We have all seen doctors put
their hands under the bed clothes and feel Of a
mans feet to see if they were cold. If female
doctor should do that it would give a man
cramps i'm the legs. A male doctor can put his
hand on a mans stomach and liver and lungs
and ask him if he feels any pain there. but if a
female doctor should do the same thing it
would make a man sick. and he would want to
get up and kick himself for employing female
doctor. Oh, there is no use talking,
1T WOULD KILL MAN
Now, suppose man had heart disease and a
female doctor should want to listen to the beat
ing of his heart. She would lay her left ear on
his left breast, so her eyes and rosebud mouth
would be looking right in his face and her
getting tangled in the buttons of his night
shirt. Don't you suppose his heart would get
i'm about twenty extra beats to the minute? You
bet! And she would smle-we will bet $40 she
would sm1e-and show her peariy teeth. and
the ripe lips would be working as though she
were counting the beats, and he would think
she was trying to whisper to him. and. Well,
what would he be doing all this
time? If he was not dead yet, which
would be wonder, his left hand would
BRUSH THE HAIR AWAY
from her temple and kind of stay there to keep
sort OF nervous and move around to the back of
her head. and when she had counted the beats
few minutes and was raising her head he would
draw the head UP to him and kiss her once for
luck, ii he was as bilious as Jersey swamp
angel-and have her charge it i'm the bill
And then reaction would set in, and he would
be as weak as a cat, and she would have to fan
him and rub his head till he got over being
nervous and then make out his prescription
after he got asleep. No; all of man symptoms
change when female doctor is practicng on
him, and she would Kill him dead.