Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-05-04
Jones and the Baby.

1T seems to me, said Jones to his wife,
who was walking around the room, with
the baby in her arms, that woman makes
q great deal of unnecessary fuss about put
ting child to sleep. Now, l would chuck
him into bed, and let him squall 1t out
1t seems to me, said Mrs. Jones, quietly,
that all men are born idiots
Jones couldn't, for the life of MIN, see
what the fact had to do with putting the
baby TO sleep, but he wisely held his
peace.
The next evening, Mrs. Jones came
nto the sitting room. where Jones was
reading the market reports, and said:
Il am going down to mothers after that
recipe for yeast. Baby is asleep. but, if
he should wake, presume you could put
him to sleep again-men are so handy with
babies
All right I'll put him to sleep in less
than no time; run along, my DEAR SAID
Jones, ,cheerfully.
Mrs. Jones vanished, and Jones resumed
his paper.
Soon after his wife's departure, Jones
heard little premonitory grunt from the
vicinity of the bedroom.
'Hullol what's that p exclaimed, Jones,
as he assumed listening attitude.
de soon found OUT, for the juvenile men,
Der of the Jones family set up a series of
yeils that would have done credit to a
prima donna.
Jones dropped his paper, rushed into
the bedroom, seized his offspring. and car
RED him wrong end up back into the sit
ting-room.
The suddenness of the attack. and the
unusual position, so astonished his baby
ship that he forgot to scream for a few
seconds, but when Jones righted him up,
and offered him pair of sleeye-buttons for
playthings, Johnny shut his eyes, opened
his mouth, and began again with renewed
vigor and determination.
Jones abandoned the sleeve-buitons, and
tried to ''cuddle" the baby I'D after
the maternal fashion, but baby sternly re-
fused to ''cuddle;" and, with degree of
energy for which Jones was wholly un-
prepared, and which evinceda total lack
of respect for the ''author of his beng 1"
Johnny grabbed the paternal whiskers with
both hands and howled louder than ever.
Jones released himself, smoothed his
cherished whiskers, deposited his heir on
the sofa, retreated to safe distance. rub
bed his face carefully, smiled in a vague
kind OF a way, as if he didn't know ex-
actly where the fun came in, and wonder
ed ''what the dickens Maria would do un-
der similar circumstances
Baby put his fist INTO his mouth. and
looked as if he wondered what his paiernal
ancestor would do next.
There, now,' exclaimed Jones, i'm
mensely relieved, he is papa's pity title
sonny, so he is
sonny, promptly resented this by a
long drawn yell that struck terror 70 the
soul of his dismayed parent.
Jones was at his wits end; He grew
reckless. He whistled to that baby; he
sang; he made faces; he cut series of an
tics that would have driven a ballet-dancer
mad withenvy; but all to ne purpose. Baby
had evidently taken a contract to furnish
SO much yell in given time, and was
bound to do the square thing.
When Mrs. Jones returned, she found q
demoralized-looking man wandering
around the house, with a baby on one
arm, while with his disengagsd
hand he wiped the perspiratIon from his
manly brow with the tail end of the baby's
night dress
1t seems to me- remarked Mrs. Jones.
as she took the baby, tina. men make a
grea. deal of unnecessary fuss about put
ting baby to sleep. Now, l.
The front door closed with a bang
Jones was on his way down the street to
see man.