davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Connecticut western news., 1881-06-22
WHAT HE WILL DO.


 A letter from St. Louis, signed ''Mer- chant" desired information concerning the financial panic thought likely to follow this general boom of prosperity, and the old man replied:
 "De prudent man am known by de locks on his doahs. No burglar eber sought to enter my cabin, but I keeps locks on de doahs an sticks ober de windows iist de same. No man kin say dat dis era of fiushness will be followed by hard-pan times, but Ize gwine to git ready for it. I shall go slow an be keer- full. I shall whitewash de cabin one var, shingle it de next, an wait still anoder var befo' havin' de front doah grained" ..-.. ,.-.r ..a "
 HE WON'T COME.
 For the past week the daily arrival ot J. Skidmore Copway, of North Carolina, has been looked for and expected, he being at present on 8 visit to friends in oberlin, O. He had made arrangements to come here and deliver his lecture on Capitalization" but at late hour Saturday afternoon he telegraphed, at the expense of the club, that he could not possibly fill the date.
 "It may be we'll to splain to you, '' said the President, "dat dis great orator wrote to me las' week dat when he reached heah he should expect to be re- ceived at de depot by string band, escorted up de avenue by de club, an | installed in de bes' room of & four-story tavern. He made speshul menshun oi his desire to borrow buff vest an white pants in which to deliver his lecture an he hinted dat de smell of onions allus frowed him into convulshuns. dropped him line in reply, an it seems he has decided not to come." THEY CAN.
 The Chairman of the Committee on Agriculture made the following re- port
 "Dis committee war axed to investi gate an report on de query from Ohio Kim wild cats be raised in Michigan !? Dey have investigated, an de report an to de effeck dat wild cats kin not only be raised in Michigan, but dem same wild cats kin raise Michiganders arter wards. We also investigated de query from Boston 'Kin peanuts be ban ished from de theater?' Our report an to de effeck dat dey kin. All dat an needed to put stop to dis nuisance am ' to hire about fo' men to handle about fo' clubs fur about fo' weeks in de lead in opera houses of de kentry."
 The President then appointed com mittee to examine the hall stove and set if it could be made to last through the hot weather, and the meeting adjourned with rush for the jug in which Way down Bebee was carrying home some soda water to his invalid wife.
Connecticut western news., 1881-06-22
GOD IS GOOD.

 "The sun is shining bright, to-day" I hear the little children say, As they go merrily about their play. "The breeze is cool, I'm well to-day I hear the fevered invalid say, . b As prone upon her couch she lay. "I've food to eat this blessed day." I hear the poorest beggar say, Fen as he sang a roundelay. "The crops are looking well today" hear good Farmer Plucky say, A man who seldom echoed "nay! p "The wheel rolls round so brisk to-day, The warp and wool are in full play" I hear the manufacturer say. "My muscles ne'er had fuller play" hear the staunch mechanic say, AS from his anvil sparkles spray. Business is brisk. they buy and pay, We trust each other on our way" hear the busy merchant say. "Our friends are prompt, and interest pay, " hear the thriving banker say, As gold lay nigh in bright array; So this benevolent man straightway, Opened hls purse that very day, And charity gave without delay. "Lets sing His praise, and watch and pray,' D I hear the faithful pastor say, His hand upon the Bible lay. Let all unite in joy to-day, And praise the Master who did say: "Love Me, and will be thy stay" Should sorrow come and clouds display, All have their silver lining, they Certain precede the dawn of day. Let's laugh and sing, this beauteous day, Gods love is with us sure alway (This is the poets addenda). These truths are easily understood, For in all things the Lord is good.
 HARRY c. PAGE. -Bdyo1aae (N. J.) Berald.
Connecticut western news., 1881-06-22
Chinese Version of the PrOdigal Son.

"A man, he two sons. Son speakee to father; father got money give some he :; father he take it all rightee. ! just now give you half. He givee him half; he go long way-likee me come China to New York. No be careful of money, use too much money all gone; he velly hungly. He went to man. He wantee work, he say all right; he tell him feedee pigs. He givee pigs beans he eats with pigs himself. He just now talkee, My father he lich man-muchee money. What for me stay here hungry? want to go back and see my father. say to him, velly bad He knows bad. Emperor God ) see I bad. No be son, no be coolie. He go back; longee way, father see him. He takee him on the neck. Son say, "I velly bad. Ijust now no be your son ; coolie.
 "His father talkee to boy and say, 'Gettee handsome coat givee he ring, givee he shoes; bring fat cow-killee COW, give him to eat. They velly glad. He alice samee dead, just now come back alive; he lost; he get back. Number one son come. He hear music; he tellee coolie, What for makee music?' He say, Your brother come back: your father velly glad he no sick; he killee fat cow Number one son velly angly he no go inside velly angly. Father he comee out; he say, No, no be angly. Number one son say, 1 stay all time by father; never makee him angly. My father never killee one fat COW for me My brother he velly bad he use money too muchee; he have fat COW and music. Father say, You no sabee; he jus dead; he now comes to life he lost; nov GO mee back They makee music.'
Connecticut western news., 1881-06-22
CEN1AuR
 Ii!niiment.

The most Powerful, Penetrating and Pain-relieving remedy ever devised by man. It soothes Pain, it allays inflammation. 1t heals Wounds, and 1t cures
 RHEUMATISM. Sciatica, LumbagO, Scalds. Burns, Stiff Joints, Cuts, Swell ings, Frost bites, Quinsey, Salt Rheum, Itch, Sprains, Calls, and Lameness from any cause. Suf. ferers from
 PAIN IN THE BACK. Fever Sores, EruptiOns, Broken Breasts, contracted Cords, Neu- ralgia, Palsy or dislocated limbs; and owners of horses, planters, me- chanics, merchants and professional men everywhere, unite in saying, that
 CENTAUR LINIMENT brings relief when all other Lini- ments. Oils, Extracts and Embroca. tons have failed.
Connecticut western news., 1881-06-22
(aStOria-ssp..... Dose.

O~35 cents. A Mothers remedy, for sleepless and irritable Children. The Recipe of Old D-. Pitcher, Free from Morphine, and not Narcotic. Formula published with; each bottle. For Flatulency, assimilating the food, Sour Stomach, Feyershness, Worms, and Disor- dered Bowels, CastOria has the larg- est sale of any article dispensed by Druggists. sr.s +es
Connecticut western news., 1881-06-22

The Peruvian Syrup has cured thou, sands who were suffering from Dyspep sia, Debility, Liver Complaint, Bolls, Humors, Female Complaints, etc Pamphlets free to any address. Setf W. .Fowle & Sons, Boston.
Connecticut western news., 1881-06-22

ExoLusrvE.-The very exclusive little nation called Corca means to know all about foreigners before admitting them to her ports. She has sent sixty of her notables to Japan to see how foreign in tercourse works there.
Connecticut western news., 1881-06-22

Have Wistar's Ralsam of Wild Cherry always at hand. It cures Coughs, Colds, Bronchitis, Whooping Cough, Group, Influenza, Consumption, and all Ihroaa and Lung Complaints. 50 cents and $1 bottle.
Connecticut western news., 1881-06-22

ADVERTISING. - The Detroit Free Press notes that some of the big whole sale houses have quit drumming and gone to advertising, and they find that it pays better. ..
Connecticut western news., 1881-06-22

[ WE suppose clap of thunder may be called a z weather report"
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1881-10-29

ALPHA LODGE NO. 1, A. o. U. w.
MEETS AT THE FOLEY AND RICKARD
Nl building every. Tuesday evening ct 1:so
O'Clock. Sojourning brethren In good standing
are invited to attend.
Exemininc Physician DIR. @. Il. Thoma.
A. 4. SHANNON, M. W.
r.C. O. wHrrMoAx, Recorder.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1881-10-29
ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
SAMUEL G0LDsTONE,

A TTORNEY AND COUNSELLOR
"A atLaw. will practice in the State and
Federal Courts. once in the Courthouse, Eu-
reka, Nevada. o1Stf
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1881-10-29

BEATIFIC LODGE. NO. 2, X. OF p.
NTEETS EACH FRIDAY OF EVERY
Nl month, at Z 80 O'Clock p. NJ, at its CASTLE
Hall, In the Rickard- Foley building.
Ali Brother Knights, In good standing, are
fraternally invited TO attend such meetings.
W. q. DAVENPORT, @. O.
@, Il. CApY, Z. of r. and q.
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1881-10-29

HrFFTs EVERY FIRST AND THIRD SAT.
N urday OF each month. st their hall.
corner CLARK and Edwards streets, at 7:S0
O'Clock. PATRICK STANTON. President.
PArRIcx HANNoN, Secretary.
Eureka, July 10. 1880. jy2O-t
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1881-10-29
FURNISHED ROOMS.

A SUITE OF FURNISHED ROOMS. OR A
IN House of six rooms furnished for house
keeping. For particulars apply ON the prem.
ises ON Edwards street. second door north,'
Clark street. Iaui0ifl MRS. J. H. REESE
Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1881-10-29
Piano for Sale.

A F1RsT-cLAsS FISHER PIANO FOR
"A sale. Can be seen At Joe Mences' Saloon.
VIII be sold At reasonable price. Inquire Of
Joe Mendes. oil I'm
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

THEY HAVE DISCOVERED new springi in
Arkansas, which appears to be the abode of
springs. 1t is on Greasy Creek. A Baptist
preacher, who has made visit there, says
that those under the influence of the water
are perfectly ecstatic, and hugging and low
ing everybody they meet. He says: 81
never saw the like-childten and boys and
girls hugging and kissing every one they
meet Old men and old women, young men
and young ladies, embracing each other by
hugging and kissing. met an old white
haired man and wOman-I suppose about
eighty years old-and they were hoppinga and
skipping like lambs. saw hundreds lying
around the spring so drunk that they could
not stand up, and they were lying and
laughing and trying to slap their hands.
The people call them the Millennium
Springs" Our time is valuable; but, if
the girls hold out, we think we could spare
few days to try the waters of Greasy Creek.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

SENATOR VOORHEES, was caught in the
act of passing through st. Louis the other
day and made to divulge his views on
Conkling and other things. OF the late
Mr.. G. the Senator said:
"If Conkling will begin to have some COM
mon sense and act upon Its dictates there
Is no reason why he should be retired from
public life. Ho Is possessed with an over
weening, opinion of his own importance.
and until he learns TO drop this he will not
be successful. His late lesson does not
seem to benefit him, and his probable
chance to control affairs growing out of
this dastardly crime is to be deplored under
the circumstances"
His powerful vision was then directed up
ward and onward to the great Democratic
hereafter. This was the result:
"Then you are hopeful OF national success
for the Democrats In 1882"
liam very much so. There Is no reason
for discouragement. The Republicans beat
us last time because we were divided, and
now they are much worse Off In this respect
than we are, and they show few signs. or
none ut all Ofbettering their condition.
"Who will be the probable candidate next
time? WIN 1t be Hancock"
There Is considerable probability that 1t
Will. The indications teem to point that
way, and IL Is certain that he Will be well re-
ceived lie made flrst-class race, and will
do so again."
There is only one place where we can
discover n weak spot in the Tall Sycamore's
ideas. He ends by predicting that the
Democrats will make no mistakes next
time. This will entail heavy work on the
Fool-killer for the ensuing three years.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

WE NOTICE rise in legs. The India
napolis Journal kindly supplies the infor-
nation that in the times of Edward, the
Saxon King of England, the value of a hui
man leg was placed at six shillings. The
New York courts awarded doctor ver-
dict of $780, 900 against the Elevated Railway
for the loss of one of his legs, and a Califor-
mia gentleman is suing the Central Pacific
Company for $4,000 for damages to his big
toe. Legs have risen in estimation within
the last few hundred years."
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

In CASE tho President should die there
is only one way to continue the Govern
ment and that is by the instrumentalities
of the Constitution. Mr.. Arthur, by right
of succession, falls heir to the Presidency,
and the people will cordially grant him
support. 1t is no ordinary occasion. Cool
heads and temperate judgments will be re-
quired. That part of the problem is self
regulating. But how about the Vice-Prcsi-
dent?
Only one answer can be made. The SEN
ate would have to be convened at once in
special session and presiding officer
elected. A session of the House would not
seem to be necessary, although, perhaps,
desirable But how elect presiding officer
of the Senate to act as President in the
event of an accident TO Mr. Arthur? Has
this question been properly canvassed ?
With Mr.. Arthur in the White House, the
Senate would be a tie, including the
ncwly-electcd members from New York.
But they can't be included. The
law requires that the credentials of;a Sena-
tor must be submitted by the Vice. President
or the Secretary of the Senate. In this case
we would have neither. The Vice-Presi-
dent would be in the White House, and the
Senate has no secretary to act in his place.
Who can legally submit these credentials
No answer can be found to this vital query;
and until one is found the Senators from
New York must remain out in the cold.
We have thought deeply over this propo.
sition and can reach but one conclusion
Should the Senate be called together by an
accident which all hope may be averted, il
would be in order for the chief clerk to tenn
porarily assume the duties of the late secrc
tary. Under the emergency it would Ger
tainly be allowed. An election for presiding
officer would then be the first thing in order
and the result would inevitably be Demo
crat, the two Senators from New York no
being members of the body. In case an.
question arose on this point the Democrat
would have the power to send their cases t.
the Committee on Privileges and Election
and to keep them there till the organization
had been effected.
More than this, the Democrats, being il
majority, could change the entire com
plexion of the committees, and would vcr.
probably do so, inasmuch as they lost then
through the base treachcry Of Malone
When all is fair in war; one OK is just a
likely to be gorcd as the other.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18


Col. FoRNEY, in valuable article on
comparative financial anatomy, drops this
choice bit Of rhetoric: "Our modern men of
wealth enjoy themselves better than the
Crassuses of Rome they rcvel in luxuries
undreamed of in the days Of the Caesars;
they plow the seas with yachts swifter
and far more. luxurious than the barge in
which Cleopatra welcomed and won An
tony and their fleet, high-mettlcd coursers
put to shame the fiery steeds of the Olym-
plan games. Leland Stanford has his
meteoric racers on the golden shores of the
Pacific Robert Bonner still drives his
matchless trottcr, Edwin Forrest; William
II. Vanderbilt electriies the turf with his
Maud 81 and now our Charles Wister, OF
Germantown, enters the competition with
a bay gclding named FELTON,, a compare
lively green horse, which, to use the words
of the Philadelphia Record, performed a
feat which cannot fail to be remembered
as the greatest that has ever been accom-
plisicd by any trotter iu the world seven
years old.'p Why this distinction against
worthy man (? Does the Colonel fancy
that jay Gould takes NO pleasure in a5simi-
lating railroads?
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

ONE OF THE Southern papers, in conf
menting on the refusal of n Republican po-
liceman in Philadelphia to associate with
negroes, suggests that the colored people
will cut their eye-teeth with respect to Re-
publicanism before comet b looks in on us
again. Just keep perfectly tranquil. You
forget that Dawes will come along soon and
blow on the embers. He is just getting his
second wind.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

The WORLD is not SO sad as it seems, If
the surmise be correct that Oscar Wilde is
playing his part just for the fun of the
thing. If this gay young Irishman smiles
behind his sunfower, and reports to Punch
the absurdities of his followers, he may
sometime reveal the history of that fanati-
cism which he, perhaps, unwittingly began
when he formulated the new creed:-"We
must try to live up to our blue china.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

what ails you, sonny - asked simple.
hearted farmer of a lad who had just come
out OF his apple orchard, and was going
down the road with his hands clasped
across his abdomen and his form doubled up
like Fifth-avenue belle with bad attack
of the Grecian bend.
1000 Oooln yelled the boy, and when
he got breath enough to articulate, he
added, :" / fell on fence rail.n
Poor child,' muttcred the sympathetic
agriculturist, ~ dare say he's gone and
retched his diaphragm"
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

NEW YORK was in imminent danger Of
getting too smart, but as absolute perfection
in any direction is not permitted in this
world, the drawback allotted to her by fate
has been race of horses so singularly dull
that they cannot get accustomed to the
bicvclps
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

AN INGENIOUS FISHERMAN in Wales was
arrested for making further interesting ex-
periments in the uses of dynamite. He
threw ball into the water where it explo-
ded and Immediately number of murdered
fish rose to the surface, which the inven-
two fisherman proceeded to gather as the
rewards of his skill.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
The New South.

Philadelphia Record.
The new Industrial departure of the South
promises important results III the near
future. That section is manifestly des-
tined to be one of the strongest bulwarks
of the Union not only In sincere and sturdy
loyalty to tho Constitution and the laws,
but In the thrift ana prosperity of its citi-
zens and in its contributions to the na-
tiOnnl wealth.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
JustiaabIe Homicide,

undue familiarity with applejack the pre-
vious evening, mistools arsenic for bromide.
and gave rise TO II disagreeable necessity OF
ing the evidence and gravely deliberating
upon 1t until one of the number asked hi5
comrades out to drink, the rural savants
returned verdict of justifiable suicide.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

In PARIS recently actors and actresses
were overcome with the heat while on the
stage. They found q temperature of 1130
entirely too much for heavy tragedy, and
very irving even in light comedy.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

DEPARTMENT gentlemen who mediate q
summer trip would do well to recall the
fact that G. Fosters collector will prob
ably be around with hat about September
1r 1891
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
False Alarm.


BrOOkIyII EHSIp.
the southern part of New Jersey, was
awakened by the noise, as he supposed, of
a burglar trying TO creep in mt his window.
He drew his pistol aud fired Mt the intruder,
dimly visible by the starlight. 1t turned
out TO be only II Cape May County bedbug.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
Note for Beginncrs.

bloomington Eye.
Establishing newspaper Is like pouring
water into n leaky casS-if you have grit
enough and water enough to keep the YES.
sci full, possibly the slaves may swell up
and become water,tight
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
why They Went 70 NIagarn.

LOulsVIIIe CourIer-JOurnaI.
All the leading bankers in the country
are In meeting at Niagara Falls. They go
there probably because the roar of the falls
reminds them of the noise on ,chnnQe
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
LOST AND FOUND.

Ss25 REWARD WILL BE PAID FOR THE
lopen facel lost or stolen about the Isl of August
on the return OF the watch, the money Will be
slh and r. l. ave. n. W. auie-4t
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

IT IS currently reported that one r. b.
Hayes is the happicst man on earth. Owing
to the temperance movement he finds it
popular not to spend cent for drinks.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

very depraved profession. We hadn't no.
ticed it till he got in.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

THE PRESIDENTS ILLNESS has developed
a larger crop of human sharks on Wall street
than we supposed could have been crowded
into Now York.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

THERE MUST BE AN electric chain with
which we are darkly bound, for the prin-
cipal row even among the Apache Indians
is with the medicine men.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

A NEW BATHING SUIT has cork collar
concealed among the neck fixings as cute
way of helping the bather to keep this side
up with care.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
All for Buncon,bc.
Buffalo Ex

Buffalo Express.
The temperance agitation in North Car
olina turns out to have been "all for Bun
combe." Buncombe County was the only
one carried by the Prohibltionists.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
You Can't scare Them.


.tHlchBO llnef.
vacancy in the United States consulate at
Vera Cruz. Tho incumbent died of yellow
fever, nnd yellow foyer Is raging there
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

THE ATLANTA Constitution has the fol-
lowing educational note about things in
the South
1t is an easy matter to know how far n
girls education has progressed by the style
In which she chews her gum.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

DAN RICE seems to have great deal of
trouble with his wives. How did the inn
preston get out that he was trainer2
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
Cheap Newspaper immortality,

THI1Nut1UHIH FftSs'
The Cincinnati Commercidl having pub
lished the names of $1,000 one cent sub
scribers to the Cook fund. begins to weary
In well doing. Never before was newspa-
per Immortality for cent conferred so
plentpOuslv
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18

New York Herald.
Gesticulai ion," says an eminent actor.
never saw TalInage fencinC with Proipmo,y pn in,o,y
mary lobster.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
PERSONAL.

SSA WILL BE PAID ANYBODY PRO-
POO curing me situation as printed for
wnrdef or ruler In the Government bndery. Ad-
dress BINDER, Critic Office.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
Democracy and Prohibition.

BOSTON Herald.
It is, we believe, the first case on record
cratic governor, ana Democratic war
horses have passed and supported an IRON
clad temperance measure and, whether
they took the unusual course in an interval
of swearing OIL" or in an attempt to
catch supposed popular ten knot breeze,
the anomaly was none the less interesting.
The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-08-18
BOARDING.

ENIHSTCLASS BOARD, with large rooms at
~ i6 Penna. ave. opposite National Hotel.
board nom - to $40 per week. Transient from al
10 si.bope day Terms to suit for Families Mrs.
., q. Howard, propuetress oci-d