Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1881-04-30
DeriIled Crabs
Transcript.

A young man residing in kecnc
Kissed hi, sweetheart behind large screen.
lie made too much noise
And was heard by some boys,
Who informed the girls pa-which was mean.
A Young man of Chicago importunsd a
girl for whom he had been buying oysters
all winter to name the day for their mar
riage Upon her saying she would marry
him the following month he tainted away.
Parents who contemplate making rail
road men Of their boys cannot be TOO care
full how they bring them Up. We learn
that the cause Of many Of our railroad dis
asters is defective training.
About 100000 shank bones Of oxen are
worked up every year in Sheffield, England,
for kDife.handles, also tooth and hair brush'
cs. combs, fans, button molds, and yarlous
miscellaneous articles.
Bob Ingersoll calls Shakespeare his Bible
and Burns his hymn-book.-LouiscWe C5V-
rier Journal
We are requested to say that Colonel In
gersoll never had hymn-boOk to burn
National Republican.
A woman returning from market got into
2 South Hill street-car the other day with
A basket fall of dressed poultry. To her
the driver. speaking sharply, said: Fare "
" No" said the woman, Fowl And ci-
orybody cacklcd.
There is a great deal Of natural tact in
children. When little one was asked by
her prond mother TO read her last compost
ton TO the minister she began: The COW
is the most useful animal in the world and
then. remembering the ministers presence
added, except religion"
4 grocer said to farmer =" Ny friend,
the rolls Of butter ] bought from YOU lset
week all proved to be three ounces short Of
n Mound" TO which the farmer innocent
ly replied. Well, don't know how that
could be for used one Of your pound bars
Of soap for q weight ~
An old German buried bis wife, and was
telling sympathizing neighbOr OF the sad
decease His friend inquired if the late la
mented was resigned 10 her fate Re-
signed exclaimed the honest Teuton 80
mine Gott, she had to be
4 little three yeaf.old, while Ler mother
was trying to get her 10 sleep, became inter.
ested in some outside noise She was told
that it was caused by a cricket. when she
sagely observed Mamma, ! think be
ought 90 be oiled.
"How came those holes in your slbows2"
said a widowed mother 20 her only son.
ooh, mother hid behind the sofa when
Colonel Gober was saying 20 Maria that
he'd take her even if you had 70 be thrown
in and 20 held M tongue and laughed
in my sleeves till bust EN-"
Two Galveston gentlemen were talking
about a certain applicant for Federal pa
tronage now in Washington city.
How is it that lie never got an Office?'
Born incapacity Is the reason"
Whew So that's II Born in Capacity,
wan he? never heard of the town, but i
reckon it is not in Ohio
She was Boston girl. She was visiting
4 White House country cousin. Whilo
walking out several butterflies passed her.
"Oh. dear me. what charming little birds.
They are perfectly exquisite"
"They arc not birds, my dear" replied
her country cousin, "they are butterflies"
ooh. you don't say 30. Then these arc
the dear little creatures that fly from flower
70 flower and gather the sweet yellow butter
that we use? They arc too lovely for any
thing
"I tell you. said the bore who drops in
( occasionally to tell the Hawteys staff how
20 run newspaper, d" tell you what, there
is never a flaw in an opponents armoT that
don't see. I'm quick as lightning % see
weak point" 81 wish you we're ike light
ming in one other respect" growled the
senior editor. IIow's that" asked the
+ visitor. Never strike twice in the same
place." was the sad reply There,was long
period Of intense silence, and oye aud bye,
when the staff yentured to look uP. there
was one vacant Baripg'cn H7wtsyr.