The Magnolia gazette. [volume] (Magnolia, Miss.) 1872-current, 1881-06-24
A LudicrOus ElOpement.

n AuulCTUuS EIOpelIltllts
It's hard for a country jake" to con
vey to his Susan Jane the exact situation
when first the arrow is lodged In his
heart. The attitudes and awkward com
binations of personal presentation are
painful TO an outsider, to say nothing Of
what he suffers. See him cross his legs,
first one on top and then the other, and
then see him shoot them out in front,
and run his hands in his pockets; then
he draws in his feet, doubles them under
the chair, pulls his hands out of his
pockets and drops them down by his side,
stretches, yawns, bushes, and almost
dies trying to say it. Poor fellow, it is
martyrdom while it lasts, and when he
does 'get his mouth off, it's like put
ting beggar on horse back; he Just
canters off to paradise with o happy-go-
lucky indifference that is enyiable, bar
ring an obstruction on the track, and
then over on his head he tumbles, when
cruel parents intervene and refuse to
ratify.
A ludicrous case Of this sort OF agony
occurred near the place of my nativity
about twenty-five years ago, in which !
had my sympathies 80 reused that was
moved to lend the huro some assistance
His name was Joe, and his girls, Mar
tina Jane, to whom he had surrendered
his entire heart, stock, lock and barrel
without reservation of any kind, which
she gushingly reciprocated by adding
her entire stock in trade in the partner
ship proposed. But the old folks de-
murred- refused to ratify-threntehed d
war of mination-banished Joe, and
belied Martha Jane, besides several other
threatened acts of dire hostility. In fact,
Joe and Martha Jane had the biggest
spider put in their dumpling ever known
since Adams and Ewes apple scrape.
Their hearts all but busted d'-but they
didn't.
The parties were neighbore--lived In
sight Of each other-Jue On the hill and
Martha Jane in the bottom. When
Martha Jane came forth to nourish
her young fowls with q preparation of
ground corn and water, she would cast
her loving eyes upward and rest them on
Joe, who would from above lock down
affectionately on his Martha Jane, and
they would sigh and swallow great hunks
of grief ns big as apple dumplings.
Joe was so badly off that L was sorry
for him, and when he called upon me to
assist him, / proceeded at once to the
prospective mother-in-law (more or less)
with my eloquence, from whom !
proceeded from whence" running,
but my time was good. / reported pro-
gress, and begged to be excused. Joe
got worse and worse; threatened to
commit to steal something, and
did make divers efforts to steal his girl,
but the old folks slept on their arms
Joe was getting terribly bad off; he said
he must have her; that must steal her
for him. ! tried to prevail on him to
bide his time; but, no, have her he must,
and / must do the job for him; he knew
1 could do it ii would, and he wanted it
done right off.
When found Joe couldn't wait, Icon
sented to try my hand. | was about
Martha's age, and the thought occurred
| to me that 1 would dress in woman's
clothes and let Joe steal me, and see II
| it would s'sorter" cool his ardor. / con-
fided my plan to some Of the boys, and
they approved it and promised their as
| sistance. We concluded that we would
| let the old man, Martina James fatner,
into the secret, and arrange for him Ia
pursue us with his hounds, of which he
had about dozen, when we made the
attempt. The old man entered into the
affair eagerly, for he despised Joe.
| After we had fixed all the preliminaries
of time, place and manner of proceeding,
we adjourned to. meet the next Sunday
| night and have the chase. We met ac-
| cordino to oadiournmentatthe time agreed,
md a woman hitched me up in some OF
her gear, with parcel of things tied
round my waist-I don't know what
they all were, but know the outside
| was calico. and it was in two pieces; one
was the tail. which was tied on first, and
the other was sort of jacket with sleeves
to il, of some dark sort OF stuff. Ihesei
with q white sun-bonnet and blue ven
and some cotton stuffed in iudiciouslly tc
give me a gushing makeup, having beer
provided as indispensable to my toftette
| 1 was ready and willing to be Joe's-fol
time. !,
When we arrived near Martha Janei
house, the old man was waiting for us
We arranged that after we had got abou
quarter Of mile of, one of our party
(who remained behind for the purpose
should notify Joe that we had Marth
Jane, and when Joe came tearing by tn
house, the old man was to give him
salute from his old double -barrelled shot
gun. Very soon here came Joe full til
down the hill towards the creek. Banl
went the venerable shotgun, and avs
! vent Joe, and soon came the old man o