The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1881-01-06
A Bo0k..-Agcnt Tackles a Boarding
House Keeper.

House Keeper.
Yesterday morning man with; tho
aspect of a book agent walked swiftly VI
Magazine street,until he came opposite y
house where a red-headed woman with .
long nose and her..slecves rolled: up. was
washing the windows.
rs this a boarding. house, madam,w
lie said, gently. as he leaned .his elbows
on the fence and looted over in the yard
Yes sir !" replie'. the woman.
"Can l obtain desirable board here at
reasonable. .rate?"
eyes, sir: there is no bettcr.house' in
the city,"
"Can l see the landlady:'
~ am the lady, sir"
"Ah indeed. I have often heard o:
the beauty and industry Of the. e.women O!
New Orleans, but now l have an occular
demonstration of the fact"
"Do you wish to secure board here ?"
inquired the woman, blushing and look :
ing pleased.
"Well, reckon l do. Have you any
old maids in:the house who wear gimlel
curls and have pet parrots that talk all
night aud worry the life out of people?
Are there any babies here who are always
having the collie and howling enough to
make man run crazy? Madam, am
very particular where board, us the last
place l stopped at my room was situated
between that of young woman who had
a pair of twin babies and a musician
who played on the flute and walked with
crutch, and when the babies became
quiet on one side the Internal cuss on the
other would either be humping over the
floor or playing OH the flute, until at last
| could stand it no longer. Are any of
these clearinghouse pests stopping with
you?"
No, sir; none but quiet, single men
board here"
"Ah, that is surely fine recommended
ton. but do you set fine table ?"
"Yes, Of course do" replied the wo-
man, getting angry, "what else do you
want to know?"
"What prompted me to ask you the
question was the fact that every board
ing-house falls into the error of giving its
boarders tough liver for breakfast, which
is something l detest. When man gets
up in the morning he doesn't feel like
trying to cat spring mattress, conse-
quently l made it point to hunt up a
house where the boarders are not SO
cursed. A man can stand Goldfish balls
very we'll, but human nature, madam, is
for from being equal to tough liver three
times day. If you recollect, said be-
fore, am very particular where ! board.
Madam, are you married woman?"
eyes, I am, and Pm tired of answering
your questions. If you don't want board
here just get away" and the excited land
lady slushed the soap.suds over the win.
dow panes, and made her brush fly likes
gin saw. The man still leaned. on the
fence and gazed at her steadily.
Madam, see you have temper" he
remarked, when she turned around to see
if he had gone; land temper, when it
is not controlled, often creates great
deal Of misery and no end of divorce
suits. I've no doubt that when irritated
by household duties and cares, that you
often give your husband sound rebuk.
ing, and if he is prematurely bald.
headed man, its your own fault; yet you
are not to blame for that which nature
endowed you with. But this trouble can
be obviated. have here, madam" and
he dived into square shaped box, "a
valuable work entitled, Home Made
Happy, or The Domestic Guide This
excellent volume 1 will sell you for the
sum of fifty cents. AS I previously re.
marked, you cannot be blamed for your
temper. Every red-headed woman with
a long nose and brown wart under her
left eye, has sour temper, but if you
will only follow the suggestions laid
down in the book, your home will be a
"If you don't; leave here,Iiyou impu-
dent nuppv. I'll call the police. 1 want
you To-"
Bear in mind, madam, that no matter
how ugly you are, a good disposition
makes any woman angelic, and"
"Ain't you going to leave, you despi.
cable villain, you bandy.legged-"
Although you are shaped like a lop.
sided triangle and have freckles on your
face as large as ginger snap"
The next instant shrek was heard
and the book agent was stretched fiat on
the pavement with bucket of soap-suds
on the top of him and small dog snap.
ping at his heels.-New Orleans Times.