The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-08-25
SEltscel1anenms.
DOUGLAS JERRoLD.
Wit and wisdom Of His Table Talk.
Broklyn Eagle,

any record Of his impromptu sayings
many of the best Of them probably es'
Daped their memory, and have never
been recorded. Some Of his sayinge
have their doubles, perhaps, in those ol
other humorists and philosophers, but
they are none the worse for that, and he
WAS never an Intentional plagiarist. Hif
remark that "a man is only as old as he
qsels," has probably teen said by thous'
Rnds of people of all ages and in al
climes and countries, but its truth, mol
its originality is what Commends it.
One of Jerrold's aphorisms, "there it
an aristocraCy of rpgs, and there is an ar
istocracy of stars and garters," reminds
us of that of Archbishop Leighton; Pride
may often strut in rags, and humility be
array ed in fine linen There is some
thing of Mandeville's "Fables Of the
Bees" in the cynical sayings OF Jerrold
which he practically ContradiCted by his
own good deeds of unsel6shnees; "Vir'
tue reads prettily upon tombstone, bui
'tis 'osing quality, with bare walls and
q quenched hearth. Virtue, honesty, be-
neVolence-what are they2 The count
eEs with which the wi e men of the
world gull its fools and slaves" The fol
lowing we have picked out here and
there from Blanchard Jerrold's ColleC'
ton: To discover spots in the sun is to
some men greater than the discovery Of
the laws that govern the sun itself, Wit
like money, bears an extra value when
rung down Immediately when it is want
cd. Men pay severely who require cred
it. To be ruined ycur own way is some
credit. When many people would ruin
us, it is triumph over the vilainy oi
the world to be ruined after ones own
pattern. The model policeman, accord
ing to Jerrold, has no nerves, Medusa,
staring at him, would have had the worst
of it, and bashfully, hopelessly let DIR p
her eyes, You light as we'll have frown'
ed on Newgate stones, expecting to see
them tumble, as think to move one
nerve. Eve ate the apple that she might
dress. "Call that a kind man a man
who is away from his family, and never
sends them farthingl Call that kind.
ness?" "Yes," replied Jerrold, "unre.
mitting kindnessW A person was men.
toned who was famous for the intensity
as we'll as short duration Of his friend
ships. "Yes," said Jerrold, "his friend
ships are 30 warm that he no sooner
takes them up than he puts them down
again." The first time Jerrold saw Tom
Dobdin, the song. writer he said to him,
"Youngster, have you got sufficient con-
fidence in me to lend me a guipea?'
',0h, yes; I've all the confidence, but |
haven't the guinea" OF the famous
Bishop Phillpotts, Of Exeter, the friend
of Lord Eldon, Jerrold said; "What a
lawyer was spoiled in thpt Bishopl What
a brain he has for Cobwebs How he
drags you through sentence after SEN
tenCe-every one dark passage-until
your head swins Ind you can't see your
finger close to your nose" OF Celebrst
ed actress who painted her face: "Egad !
she should have hoop about her, with
a notice upon it, Beware Of the paint"
Character flies, and CT course, the light.
or it is the quicker it goes. On the first
night of one of Jerrold's plays, success
full adaptor from the French rallied him
on his nervousness, 81 said the adaOt-
or, never feel rVous on the first night
of my pieces" "Ah, my boy" Jerrold
replied, "you are always certain of sue.
cess. Your pieces have all been tried
before" well, Jerrold," said a jovial
spendthrift, what 90 you think Of nay
grays ?" ITO tell you the truth" an
swered Jerro d, i was just thinking Of
your dune How do you know | ever
had wife% Why, because you look as
if you had. There is sort married mark
upon some people-a sort of wedding
ring mark-just like the mark OF col
lar
Could the Apostles, in their old world
attire, enter a London church, the bea.
die, with big look, would wave them
from the peWs and motion them down
upon the benches. A gentleman, during
cholera time in London, complained to
his landlady that the water with which |
,he made his tea had an unwholesome
favor. Well, sir said the landlady, l |
can OF ly account for it by the graveyard |
1t the back of the house. TIE spring
must pass through it ? The lodge rush.
rantiCslly from the house, and presently |
net Douglas Jerrold, to whom ttey too |
his. L suppose your landlady thought
'ou liked your tea like your porter
With plenty of body in it, said the hu.
norist. A celebrated barrister entered q
;lub.room where his friend Jerrold was
lifting, and exclaimed wrathfully, l have
ust met a sCoundrelly barristerP What
coincidence ! broke in Jerrold. There
re many idlers to whom penny begged
8 sweeter than a shilling earned. At
orneys are described by him as men
With ConscienCes as the bellies of alliga.
ors. Jerrold, who was strong for free
rade, wrote this epitaph for Protection:
Here Lies Protection. 1t Lied through
Iut its Life, and now Lies Still When
Vestry was discussing wood pavement
or its parish, and some Of the vestry.
nen were raising difficulties. Jerrold
aid: Difficulties in the way2 Absurd.
hey have only to put their heads to
ether, and there is the wood pavement
his joke mas been wrongly assigned to
idney Smith. ANY news, Mr.. Nuts?
Nothing in the papersP' Nothing re
lies Nuts. We'll, Pm blest If accord
ng to you there ever is If an earth
uake was to swallow up London to-mor
ow, you'd say, there's nothing in the
aper, only the earthquake p With one
rue and serious sphorism we will close:
That a man should be just and respect.
ul toward all mankind, he must first be.
in with himself. A man, 80 to speak,
Vho is not able to make bow to his own
avaTV norninO in hardlu in a