Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1881-01-13


be stealing for living. Are you going
to make that your profession Eyes,
sir; my father wants me to learn the ru.
diments thoroughly before ] run for Of
fee"
al SMELL sumin q burning" re-
marked an aged negro, who sat at the
campfire toasting his extremities
GOSH" he added, a moment later,
with loud yell. its dis niggah's own
fut |"
81 SAY, Glenn" cried two disputing
darkies, appealing for decision to a sable
umpire (which word is right-dizactly
or dezactly 2" The sable umpire re-
hected moment, and then, with look
Of wisdom, said 81 can't tell, per-
zactly."
HAVE you gwen electricity o trial
for your complaint, madam" asked the
minister, as he took tea with TIE OH
lady. ELECTRICITY" aid she. "Well,
yes, / reckon I has. l was struck by
lightning last sumna u, and hove out OF
the window, bit !, dion seem to me no
sort of god"
THE New York Tribune reports the
Rev. W. Fl. II. Murray as saying
death is perfiniz.on, that is all. Well,
If that is ali-n death is S. nply "pe"
- what-do-you-call-it - finirion," it
can't have sting. as alleged. We al
ways had sneaking sort of feeling that
it was one of those things, but, owing
to rush of political news, we never get
room to say so.-Norristou7 Herald.
BOARD Schoolmaster desiring to ex-
plain the word "conceited, which had
occurred in the course of the reading
lesson --'Now, boys, suppose thai was
always boasting of my learning-that l
knew q good deal o Latin. for instance,
or that my personal appearance WAS
that was very good-looking, y know
what should you say / wasp" Straight
forward boy lwho had "caught the
Speakers eye II should say you was
a liar, S.
Mrs. SUSAN CooLIDeE has written o
volume of verse, and i'll the prelude to
the work remarks that
Poems heavenly things,
And only souls with wings
May reach them where they grow,
May pluck and bear below,
Visiting the nations thus
With food all glorious.
You are wrong, Susan. There is not a
solitai.: soul with wings in this Office,
and yet you can stand most anywhere
and reach poems. Unfortunately, the
people who wrote them are out of
reach. - Chicago Tribune.
In is nice thing to be very bright,
and to give what Is supposed to be q
witty answer to every query, but some
times one gets caught in his own trap.
What is crime?" asked the grave
professor in a theological college. ga
crime !" answered the wit of the class,
"why, it is when man does some
thing" "Then, said the professor, as
he looked over his glasses at the youth,
!" think no one could accuse you, Mr..
Brown, of ever committing crime"
"Now, You know, remarked the new
Sunday-school teacher, as he beamed
kindly on the interested class of boys,
"that Robert Bruce, as he lay on the
bed, saw spider cast it's web seven
times, failing every time, but the eighth
attempt was successful Now, what was
the result?" Ard he looked into the
eager, upturned faces before him. And
then an exceedingly small boy, with
phenomenally large freckles, at the foot
of the class, whose folk; had been clean
ing house the week before, spoke up and
said that the woman cam IN the next
morning with broom ord dust-pan,
and carried the spider oGt, clay-coA
corpse. And then the school sang, while
the new teacher sat down and wiped his
forehead