The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-05-26
A Naughty Church Choir.

HOW A MEMBER PUT PEPPER IN A
YOUNG LADY's CANDY AND WHAT
SHE SAID.
Peck's Milwaukee Sun says: You
may organize a church choir and
think you have got it down fine, and
that every member Of 1t is pious and
full of true goodness, and in such a
moment as you think not you will
find that one or more of them is full
of the old Harry, and will break out
when you least expect 1t. There is
one church choir in Milwaukee that
is about as near perfect as a choir can
be. 1t has been organized for long
time, and never has quarreled, and
the congregation swear by it.
You would not think that this choir
played tricks on each other during the
sermon, but sometimes they do.
One morning last summer, after the
tenor had been play ing tricks all the
spring on the choir, the soprano
brought a chunk of shoemakers' wax
to church. The tenor was arrayed
like Solomon, in all his glory, with
white pants and Seymour coat. The
tenor got up to see who the girl was
that came in with the old lady, and
while he was up the soprano put the
shoemakers' wax on the chair, and
the tenor sat down upon it. They all
saw 1t and they waited for the result.
1t was an awful long prayer, and the
church was hot, and the tenor was no
iceberg himself, and shoemaker's wax
melts at SO degrees Fahrenheit. The
ministers finally got to amen, and
read hymn, the choir coughed and all
rose up.
The chair that the tenor was In
stuck to him like brother, and came
right along and nearly broke his sus-
penders. 1t was the teuor to bat, and
as the great organ struck up he pushed
the chair off his person, looking
around to see il he had saved his pants
and began to sing, and the rest of the
choir near bursting. Well the tenor
sat down on white Handkerchief be-
fore he went home, and he got home
without anyone seeing him, and he
has been laying for' the soprano
every since to get even.
1t is customary in all first-class
choirs for the male singers to furnish
candy for the lady singers, and the
other day the tenor went to candy
factory and had a peppermint loSenge
made with teaspoOnful of cayenne
pepper in the centre of it. On Christ
mas he took the lozenge to church
and concluded to get even with the
soprano if he died for it. Candy had
been passed around, and just before
the hymn was given out in which the
soprano was to sing solo, Nearer,
my God, to Thee" the wicked wretch
gave her the loaded lozenge. She put
it in her mouth and nibbled off the
ridges, and was rolling it as n sweet
morsel under her tongue when the
organ struck up and they all arose.
While the choir was skirmishing
on the first part of the verse she
chewed up what was left of the candy
and swallowed it. Well if a Demo.
cratic torchlight procession had
marched unbidden down her throat
the couldn't have been more astOnish-
ed. She leaned over spit the candy
out, but there was enough pepper left
to have picked q peck of chow.chow.
1t was her turn to sing, and she arose
and took the book, her eyes filled with
tears, her voice trembled, her face was
red as a spanked lobster, and the way
she sang that old hymn was eau.
ton.
With sweet tremolo she sang
Nearer, My God, to Thee" and the
congregation was almost melted tC
tears. AS she stopped, while the organ
list got in little work, she turned hel
head, opened her mouth and blew out
her breath with "whoosh," to COO
her mouth. The audience saw hel
wipe fear away, but did not hear tht
sound of her voice as she
"whooshed."
She wiped out some Of the pepper
with her handkerchief and sang the
other verse with good deal of fervol
and the choir sat down, all the mem
bers looking at the soprano. She
called for water. The noble tenor
went and got it for her, and after she
drank couple quarts she whispered
to him, Young man, will get even
with you for that peppermint candy
if 1 have to live 81 Thousand years, and
don't you forget it," and they all sci
down and looked pious, while the
minister preached most beautiful
sermon on Faith" We expect tn,
tenor will be blowed through thu
roof some Sunday morning, and the
congregation will wonder what he il
in such hurry for.