Weekly graphic. [volume] (Kirksville, Adair Co., Missouri) 1880-1949, 1881-07-22
WORLD.
,,arat,sns fsr
,anter With TIE
Conet.


met Of that celebrated amateur
-onomer, Mr.. Samuel Longbone
Clemmens, known to the world as
mark Twain | visited his house
this morning just before daybreak. His
passionate fondness for observing Gel.
estial phenomena is well known 1
was confident that should find him at
his telescope in the turret that caps
the northeast corner of his eXtraordin.
ary mansion. A few well directed
pebbles brought him to the window.
"Hello!" said he. come up, but don't
wake the baby. Mind the sixth stair
on the second flight; it creaks a Hades
of falsetto." So saying he let down
the door key at the end of a string.
When l reached the turret my
friend was no longer inside. He was
sitting in an open scuttle leading to
the roof. smoking cigar. With both
hands he grasped long pole. When
it grew lighter l perceived it was a
boat hook. His face had 4 haggard
look, and his long legs hung listlessly
through the scuttIe way. "You look
tired, Mark" saidI. .Have you been
at it all night."
"All night" said he with a groan
that consisted ola vowel and two con-
sonant sounds. .'All night! This
makes the fourth consecutive night
that haven't closed half an eye. It's
wearing on me. This constant res
possibility is undermining my constitu-
ton. My sense Of duty is as strong as
the next mans, but sometimes l feel
like letting go my grip, even if the con.
demned planet sides into the revised
edition Of birthstone. ''All night!
Good night. Some other night
He looked for mluute as if he was
ioing to break ont with torrent of
objurgation. Then he mastered his
wrath and gazed down upon me with
an expression of melancholy pity.
The tail of that comet" said he
lowly waving the end OF his pole to-
ward the northern sky, sis, according
to my calculations, trifle over forty
two million miles long, vet it wouldn't
reach more than quarter way through
the skulls of some people know. The
reckless ignorance Of mankind amazes
me more and more the older l grow.
Why don't | 60 to bed. Yes, it would
be perfectly easy and natural thing
to 60 to bed, wouldn't it, now! Per.
haps l had better go to bed" And he
laughed derisively.
What in the name of common sense
are you driving at, Clemens l de-
manded.
20, nothing a. ALL" he replied with
a sardonic wave of his pole. Moth
ing, except that while the mad revelry
of the world goes on below, and the
multitude pursues its wonted avocations
precisely as though universal catas-
trophe vas not imminent, one solitary
watcher still sits up here in his lonely
tower, Drawing danger and mourning
great fatigue for the sake of his infatu.
.ated fellow beings. There have been
examples of such devotion to duty in
history, but they are rare and it has al
ways been left to posterity to recognize
them. At the present moment l fill
. the post of lookout to the planet, young
man. You'll find set down in the cen.
sus the exact number Of fellow citizens
whose existence depends upon my Wig
Hence. That's all I'm driving at"
say now pretty well how things
we're with my friend. So to humor
him l gravely remarked: II always
knew your philanthropy, Mark. Yet
must say that this last undertaking
surprises me-"
lie Immediately became affable and
even confidential. "There IS good
deal Of the true christian spirit of self
denial in it. isn't there, now! You see,
they are all wrong about the tail. I've
ciphered on that tail til! l understand
every inch Oft. 1t is absurd to sup
pose that the tail isn't solid, and pretty
tough too. Do you imagine that this
comet could 60 through space at the
rate Of 200 miles a minute without
knocking spots out Of a tail that was
vapors Tie fog bank on to the rear
end of = New York and Boston 4
O'Clock express, start her off, even at
forty miles an hour, and see how long
your fog bank will travel in company
with your locomotive. Yet they ask
us to swallow this Internal nonsense
about the comets tail. My observa-
tons of this fellow, and also of Goggles
comet, seven years ago, have convinc-
ed me that comets tails are fastened
on tight, and are Of fibrous and dur
able nature, like Hartford beefsteak."
And what do you propose to do
with your pole!" l asked.
Great Cesar" he exclaimed, with
a tail forty-two million miles long,
three-million miles thick, and tough as
whip leather whisking about in the
the wake of that piratical craft every
time she tacks overhead, don't you see
the necessity Of keeping a cool headed
and muscular man on deck to fend off,
ill case the cussed thing whisks this
way9"-New York Sun.
Probable remark of Mr.. Guteau:
We are Nation-I might almost say,
an ASSASSINATION.