The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1881-07-29

list of our American institution, and
can hardly be engrafted in our customs
by Mayor Grace's cmissaries.-1IObie
Register.
THE DOCTORS AND THE PRESIDENT.
The story of the presidents shooting
and subsequent struggle for life would
be incomplete without the side-show
features furnished by the doctors-those
who are attending the distinguished
patient and some who are not. The
doctors have doomed up wonderfully,
and the metropolitan papers have
many funny accounts of the theories
formulated by tho various NJ. DPS con-
corning the presidents wound and the
treatment to insure his cure.
DIR. Bliss of cundurango fame, OPEN
ed tho ball by kicking DIR. Baxter, a
highly reputed physician, out of the
White House. The thcrorizing of tho
doctors, as described by the Washing
ton correspondents, fills the mind with
wonderlnent. One eminent physician,
according to the New York Star, stat
ed that nc put his finger into the pres
ident's wound, felt the liver and touch
cd the ball. Subsequent measurements
prove that tho finger of this physician
must have been about Il foot long to
reach the liver, and that he could not
have touched the ball, which, is not in
the abdominal cavity.
DIR. Sims telegraphcd from Paris
that the C;esarian operation ought to
is to say, nc should be cut open, and
the ball taken out though the inclsion.
| Ex-Surgeon-General Hammond went
| further, and advised that, after the
president was cut open, sponge, filled
! with carbolic acid, should be introduce
ed, and his wholcintcrior swabbed out.
If this were not done, said DIR. HAM
] mond, the president cannot recover.
Another doctor proposed to cool the
presidents room by putting in one
| hundred tons of ice, without consider
ing that this might freeze the president
| and break down the White House floors.
| Another obtained from the navy de-
partmcnt an order to construct elaborate
machinery to ventilate the White
House and its grounds, forgetting that
recover or die several days before tho
machinery could be manufactured,
| erected and put in operation.
But Professor Faneuil ID. Weissc, Of
the medical department of the univcr-
sity of New York, has capped the
climax of crankiness. He has procured
dead bodies about the size Of the presi-
dent and fired balls into them from Il
pistol like Guitcau's, and then cut the
bodies open to sec what became Of the
bullets. elf Professor Weissc,'' re-
marks the Star chad obtained Guitcau's
pistol, and loaded it just as he did if
he had secured a man of tho exact size
and stoutness Of the president if he
had dressed this man precisely as the
president was dressed il he had made
this man walk as the president was
walking, and had then fired at him
from exactly Guiteau's position-in
short, if he had repeated the shooting
all its details the analogy might have
been medically valuable but to shoot
ball into a corpse was the extreme OF
| crank mess" Then the Star suggests
that if any further experiments are to
be attempted in this direction, Guiteau
himself ought to be selected as the sub
ject. He seems likely to escape with n
| very light punishment in case of the
Presidents recovery, and it would be
only justice to use him rs q means of
| ascertaining the location and direction
of the presidents wound. A few balls
fired into him would give him a rcaljz-
ing sense Of the folly and cruelty of his
! crime, and materially assist his re-
pcntancc.