The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1881-07-30
Misc lIaneous Items.

What word may be proEo"Eced quicker, by
adding a syllable to it?-Quick.
What is a very old lady, p~lunging about in the
middle Of the harbor, like?-Like to be drowned.
Joe Asp shot himself, because a girl declined
him with thanks. This is the first ass, We have
heard of, that spelled himself with q p.
1t is reported that General Tecumseh Sherman
manifests, as he advances in life, an increased
disposition to kiss all the young and pretty girls
he meets. As men grow older, they grow wiser.
1t was at a temperance meeting. The speaker
increased in eloquence and noise, and as he cried
-" Yes my friends, We'll lift our temperance yes
sci out of the mire and mud, on to hard dry
ground, and then sail beautifully along"
A pretty girl " nut West " told her beau that
she was a mind-reader. You don t say so p he
exclaimed u" Can yon read what's in my mind ?''
" Yes,' said she: "'YOu have it in mind to ask
me to be your wife but you're just a little scared
at the idea" The wedding-cards are out.
A small boy could not shut the jack-knife
which was given to him to play with, and put it in
his pocket. 1t cut him. His mother, when he
took off his clothes saw the cut and asked him
if he was not afraid he would bleed to death.
:" No" said he, II drank some water, and 1t
did not leak, so | was all right"
Let the patriotic American take courage. Con-
gress is not the most undignifed legislative body
in the world. Language not perfectly elegant
occasionally finds expression even in the British
house Of Commons. Sir William Vernon Har-
court, looking at Lord Randolph Churchill one
day, left impelled from some unknown reason, to
exclaim 4" You little ass - With a courtesy n
little less exquisite but quite natural, Lord Ran
dolph replied. " You damned fool"
Princess Louise is described by Mrs. Frecbette
in Harper as a model housekeeper. The daughter
of the Queen does not think it beneath. her dignity
to go into the laundry and instruct the maids
concerning their duties, or TO give an occasional
eye to the marketing when it is brought IN. y
friend Of Mrs. Frechette was lately dining Mt
Rideau Hall, and during the dinner she remarked
upon the excellence of the oyster pates to one of
the ladies in waiting to the Princess. " Yes
she replied, " they were made by her Royal
Highness."
A store-keeper having paid some iruitless
visits to one of his customers, called a few days
ago for an installment of his debt. But the
customer, expecting him, told her son, a lad of
FIVE years, to say she was Gin the toon.' Ac-
cordingly, when the man called, and asked,
- Where is your mother to-day the boy
promptly replied, sin the toon.' ''What tOon p
asked the merchant. The boy having no futher
instructions from his mother, went to the next
room. and shouted, ''Mither, what toon are We at?
he wants to ken
An AFFECTING ScENE.-Here is an affecting
scene on an American ferry crossing a rough river.
" Oh, Henry this is terrible" p" Yes it is" he
responded "but lean on me, and | will protect
you" Do you think it will be as rough as
this all the way across?" Il do" responded
Henry. Then | fancy | shall indeed have to
lean on you," returned the lady. For life"
whispered Henry turning pale at the thought of
a refusal. a." I-I-don't know. The water is
aw-ful-rOugh. l-fancy-yes-you'd better
ask papa"