The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-04-21
NartEtU.
VARIETY SCRAPS.

Winters tale is altogether too long.
A labor saving machine-s lazy man,
The boys in the blue are growing grsy.
Garfield hRdS himself bombarded with smooth
boree
HE that hews aboon his held may get spail in
his ee."
There was a heap OF stamping done in the
postage,
"ower holy was hanged but rough and sonSy
wan awsi"
There has been rather baleiul feeling in tn Q
cotton market lately,
It is poor speller who does not keep an 1 to
business.
The aim Of shreWd beer seller Is to draw q
head on his lager
tits the map with the lottery ticket who looks
ont for the number won.
No waltzer who properly appreciates the sport,
likes to swing dumb belle.
Small dishes are decorated so handsomely now
that pickles look unhappy in them.
II would like to die tonight" pens poet, for
once coming into sympathy with the people.
Apostage stamp has hard time OF IT, It first
gets licked and is then stuck for transportation
A Agambler says: "The only hand in this world
which blesses those who grasp 1t is a full hsnd.'
HE doctor" said old Chawbacon speaking Of
young practitioner "Why he could not cure q
ham,"
Whatdoes Ingerso,l offer In EXCHANGE for Chris.
tianity1-Yonkers Gazette Why, Republlcanism,
Of course,
Jones, who goes to the "lodge" quite often, says
Mrs, s, could give the NihiliSs several points on
blowing up.
rs your wife q Democrat or Republican," in
quired one citizen Of another. "she Is Home
Ruler" was the reply.
It tisBsid that shsrks will not bite swimmer
who keeps his legs In motion. II you can keep
kicking longer than q shark can keep waiting
you'll be ell right.
Johns vile and JOhn were tete.R tete
She witty was, industrious he;
Says John, i've earned the bread we've ate"
"And l." says she, 'haVe urn'd the tea"
mo, marm," said the shoe dealer, II would
like to give you q smaller pair, but to sell you
anything below eighH would render me liable
under the statute for prevention Of cruelty to
animals"
Time was Is past thou csnst not 1t reOall
Time is, thou hast, employ the portion small
Time future is not, and may never be;
Time present is the only time for thee.
EQUAL TO THE OCCASION. Ill natured Director !:
"Aye, aye, Master Thamson, mind the day
when ye hadna frill to yer sark." Mr.. T.:
"Aweel, Rweel, Master Dave, II 1t was ma frilled
at the tse end 1t was at the ither."
Let every man aim in his heart to excel,
Let every man ettle to f nd for himself
Aye nourish ye stern independence within;
The mair that 70 work, aye the mair will yewin
james Ballantine.
THE RULES OF THREE. Every one has heard Of
the three Re- In educauon-. reading, 'riting and
'rithmetic." DR. Guthrie gave three P'sin preach
Ing -"prOVing, painting and persusding;" but
Miss Derriers three days for visiting are perhaps
the best OF all these alliterative arrapgements
they are "the rest day. the drest day, and the
prest day"
The Fakir Of silva gave a Sleight Of hand per.
fOrmsnce In Galveston, One Of his feats was TO
make marked dollar disappear in the sight Of
the crowd, which he successfully did, "That
marked dollar will be found In the vest pocket Of
that colOred gentleman" said the Fakir, pointing
with his magic wand at Sam JohnaiDg. All eyes
were rivited on Sam, who advanced to the front,
took some money from his vest pocket and said !:
Boss, heah is your change; has had two beers
and segar Outen dat dollar you tole me to keep
in my yes: pocket till you called foah It,"
As 1 walked by myself talked to myself, aud
myself said thus unto me;
"Look to thySelf and take care OF thyself,
For nobody cares for thee"
So I turned to myself and answered myself,
In the self.Bame reverie,
"LoOk to thyself or not to thyself,
The self same thing 1t will be-"
Ex.supeFintendent Kettle, Of New York, sent
recently the following toast 10 social gathering
"Our public schools--may their influence spread
Until statesmen use grammar and ounces are
dead;
Until no one dare say in this land Of the free,
Hes done for he did, or It's her for it's she. p"
Alawyer's brief Ia very long,
And Nj. White is blRck, N
man is dry when he Is green,
Aud when he's tight he's slack:
A 1re lshot when It ia coaled,
A lamp Is heavy though its light,
A Bhoe is bought when It Is sold,
.. man can see when out Of sight,
The church was warm, the minister was dull,
and everybody fell asleep except the halt.witted
man Jamie Fleming. "My brethren" shouted
the indignant pastor, "you should take the ex
ample Of that foolthere. He keeps awake. )" "Ay
ay, minister" shouted jamie; "but II hadn't
been 9 fool should have been asleep like the
ithers." .....4.. ..rrsF nl ...-- ~.
THE GREATEST BLESSING.
Asimple, pure, harmless remedy, that cures
every time, and prevents disease by keeping the