Barbour County index. [volume] (Medicine Lodge, Kan.) 1880-current, 1881-12-08
Fire Cranks.

There are number of stereotype
characters who attend all fires. When
you get up in the night, put your socks
on wrong side out, and rush down town
with one suspender trailing on the
ground, and arrive at the fire in half
dressed and breathless condition, you
find these characters already on the
ground and-as Artemus Ward said
about the stars in heaven-"up to their
usual doins." There is for instance the
hoarse voice, man who acts as if the
whole confiagration was under his per-
sonal supervision, and who stands on
an ash-barrel in the alley, wildly gesticu-
lating, and bowling suggestions to the
chief of the fire department. He usual
ly gets knocked down by a ladder or has
the hose turned on him by accident;
then, when he gets all the muddy water
out of his mouth and ears, he goes off
TO the other side of the street, looks on
at a save distance, and has a great deal
to say about the inefficiency of volun-
teer fire departments. An equally
dangerous and absurd character is the
man with the axe. He is always early
at fire, accompanied by new axe.
No one knows where he got the axe
and no one ever sees him carrying it
back to where he got it, but, while he
is on the ground, he makes things live.
ly. He is perfect, ''besom of destruc-
tion." He batters in doors, hacks the
fence in vain effort to cut it away to
make room for the engine, and, in his
wild desire to save property, he demol-
ishes everything that an axe will make
an impression on. This fiend, who is
too weak to do any manual labor, and
lets his wife chop all the fire wood at
home, will create havoc and desolation
for two block around fire, and he has
even been known, when everything,
including the lightning rod, and the
pumps, was cut down, to turn in and
hew to pieces the shade trees in the
next lot to keep the fire from spreading.
Then there is the man who has an
inordinate craving for ladder. His
inmost soul is stirred with yearning
for a step ladder. In tones swelling.
with pathos. profanity, and excitement,
he shouts, ''Have any Of you got lad
der. My heavens will none of you
give me ladder?" as if twenty.four
fest ladder was something that-like
six-shOoter, or charm to prevent rheu-
matism-everyone carried in his pocket.
When he can't get a ladder, he tries to
climb up the water-spout, that he may,
at the risk of his life, break open some
of the second story windows, let the air
in, and give the fire chance. In con-
trast with this last vigorous character,
is the helpless man who goes about
wringing his hands or carrying an emp
ty bucket, getting in everybody's way
and wondering if the building was in
sured. He gets tripped VI with the
hose and knocked about generally. He
wants to stop the foreman of the fire
department and ask him how the fire
originated, and if he thinks there is
any chance of its spreading, but the
foreman has only time to address some
bad words to him. Very prominent in
the crowd at every fire is the man who
was the first to see it-there are usual
ly about forty of him. He tells how
and he is very particular regarding de-
tails-he was standing talking to.
friend, on the sidewalk about two
blocks away, when he noticed small
quantity of smoke ooZing, etc., etc., but
everyone knows him well, having suf-
fered from his egotistical narratives,
and we will, therefore, dismiss him
along with the man who has the defec-
tive flue theory regarding the origin of
the fire, and the other man with the
ncendiary theory.