The Florida agriculturist. [volume] (DeLand, Fla.) 1878-1911, 1881-04-20
VARIETIES.

requires no proof.
A negro undergoing an examina.
ton as witness, when asked if his
master was Christian. replied, No,
sir he is member Of Congress.
One capital error in mems prepar-
ing themselves for the sacred fuction
is, that they read divinity more in
other books than in the Scriptures.
A Minnesota farmer who has five
grown-up daughters. has sued the
county on claim that his residence
has been used as courtroom" for
the past three years.
"What does Good Friday mean ?"
asked one boy OF another. "Ycu had
better go home and read your Robin
son CrusOe'," was the whitening reply.
A veracious exchange declares that
mosquitoes tore up ninety-tour miles
OF railroad in New Jersey last year.
Considering the number of sleepers
on a railroad it is not surprising.
We hear OF man who iustifes his
meanness toward his wife by asserting
that he and she are one, and, there
fore, by refusing to furnish her with
money he practises the heroic virtue
of self denial.
We'll, Mrs. Flanagan, what does
the doctor say about your husbands
deafness ?" "Bedad the doctor says
he will never hear again, but (whis-
pers) PLACE don't spake loud for it
might make elm tale loike he was de-
pressed"
The Divine eye looks upon high
and low differently from that OF man.
He looks upon those as highest who
nearest approach his Divinity, and
upon those as lowest who was tarth-
est from it.-Sir Thomas Dr0acne.
The need which God lays upon us
hurt no mans leisure, given TO God
hurts no mans work; it is our own
selt-chosen employments the cares
Wherewith we cumber ourselves,
which hinder prayer.-Dr. Pussy.
After a Mrs. Butord, of Kansas,
had walked two miles TO river to
suicide she remembered that the
oven was full OF bread, and she at
once hastened home to save the
loayess Kansas women are thonght-
f19 II not handsome.
A soft voice in woman always goes
with a gentle spirit A gentleman,
sitting in friends parlor engaged in
conversation with him, was startled
by noise down stairs, and paused to
ask: mo, that's only my wife call
ing to me-"
A country man from New Hamp-
shire, who. had never heard Of b.
cycle, came to Boston, and when he
beheld a youth whirling along upon
one OF those airy vehicles, he broke
out into soliloquy thus: "Golly,
amt that queer. Who'd ever 'spect
to see man riding a hoop skirt
An Indian came to an agent in the
northern part OF Iowa to procure
some whiskey for a younger brother,
who he said had been bitten by rat
tlesnake. -Four quarts !" repeated
the agent, with surprise "much as
that ?" YES" replied the Indian,
"tour quarts; snake much big"
An uptown man who surprised
his cook smoking one of mis- choice
Connecticut cigars was cut short in
his reprof by her asking the conun.
drum at domestic cigars amt in
tended for the use of us domestics,
what are they called by our name
tor ?"
"Why, my dear old fellow" said a
horse jockey, trying to sell horse to
an Irlshman at a market the other
day, that ERE boss has travelled a
mile in two minutes and twenty Sec
ends" II behave we, sir" answered
the intelligent son of Emerald, "but
I'll wager me ould brogans he was
aboard railroad train when We timed
him.
After a cruise of a few months in
the South Pacific Ocean, a French
man of-war was recently found to
have specimens of living coral grow
ing upon its hull, when interesting
discovery has thrown some light on
the question Of the rapidlty of growth
of corals. The evidence tends to
show that vessel on passing reef
off Gambrier Islands, against which
it rubbed, Rad picked up a young
fungi, which adhered to the sheathing
of the ship, and grew to the size and
weight 1t had when observed-a di-
ameter of nine inches and a weight
Of ,uo md onn holt ,nnnndn-ir, mimi