The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1881-12-06
FLEA BITES.


CONE LET Is ALL sca>rcu.
A cute Young wife in this city SAYS:
WhenI want q nice, snug day all to my
self tell George dear mother ID coming.
and then he never comes home until bed
time.
If two inhabitants OF Portugal are
called Portuguese, would il not he proper to
allude to one of them as Portuguese?
-Ex.
LIS our opinion he might be Portu-
gander.
|. Re ever ready TO acknowledge . IA
vor," says a writer.
We are, sir; We arc What troubles us
is that ON one side We are completely
weighed down with readiness, while on the
other side opportunity is painfully scarce.
How to manage = wife-remsin sin
gle.
A young lady by the name OF Spoke
was married in ST. Louis the other day.
She got tired Of fellOe and wanted hub.
Ex
II she's like some women, she'll hold on
to both and cause . revolution in the fam
lily.
Some mean-spirited married men can't
see any difference between receiving a
Christmas present from their wives and
buying it themselves. Dickinson.
There is q difference, however. In the
first place you get something you don't
want, and in the last, you get something
you do.
The best band to accompany lady
vocalist husband.
-"How to break up hen," was q re-
cent query before the Farmers club.
For hens afflicted with that form of in
sanity sledge hammer is the only rem
edy. Any one who recommends milder
method is a quack, undoubtedly.
A celebrated French preacher, in
sermon on the duties OF wives, said: 81
see in this congregation woman who has
been guilty Of disobedience to her hus-
band, and in order TO point her out | will
| fling my breviary at her head" He lifted
his book, and Immediately every female
head instantly ducked.
On the tramp-the wicked flea.
| Ala publication is entitled allow to
Rear n Mule."-Ex.
The surest and quickest way to rear .
mule is to tickle his hind legs.
| Line from a Michigan poem: DE
cember's skies are softly splitting snow"
| Persons who write anonymous letters
for publication should always send their
fool names to the publisher.
The dairy maid pensively MIXED the goat,
And pouting, she paused to mutter,
IL wish, you brute, you would turn to
| milk"
And the animal turned to butter.
Many man wh, thinks himself q
great gun is nothing more than big
bore.
| The man who toes the mark-the old
man when he reaches out for Jane AIMS
teller at 2 q. IN.
| Electricity has been q puzzle and a
problem to scientists of all ages, but Edi-
son makes light of it
| A man who was asked why husbands
quit counting their wives, said it was be-
cause other men did il 50 much nicer.
-"Guilty or not guilty ?" asked Dutch
justice of a prisoner. mot guilty" "Nn
what DO you want here? Go about your
pizness."
No matter how gay the colored suits
of the young men, the chimney never for
gets its dignity and gravity, for Its SCOT is
always black.
| In France il is the Law that If . man
has been intoxicated three times he shall
forfeit his right To vote. and cannot hold
an office under its government.-Ex.
There is heap Of difference between
that republic and this one. In this cOun-
try three drunks begin to fit . man for
office, but he has to keep on improving.
There's something as old as the hills
anyhow" said old Uncle Reuben. "What
are they" asked his neice They are the
valleys between 'em, child" sOlen,nly an
swered the old man
| A Rnckland man saw advertised "a
sure cure for drunkenness lie forward
ei the necessary dollar and received by
mail, written ON valuable postal card in
beau,iiuI violet ink, the magic words
"Don't drink"
A gentleman tainted at Waterford the
other evening immediately after being
married to Il widow.-Ex.
We don't blame him-poor man He
knew not whether the dear departed had
been boss or merely assistant paymaster.
-B,ys' all wool salts 500, 5000,
500 and $50 ID. L GmASEY n Co.,
t Min .fr.,f