Wheeling register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1878-1935, 1881-08-13
CHOICE CHIT. CHAT
On Moral and Miseeliane Gus
Matters.

! Natterss
J Culled for Saturdays Register
A watch is the symbol of modesty, fol
it keeps its hands before its face all the
time.
1t does not necessarily follow that 9
man should be selfish because it is his
business to sell fish.
A man may die and yet have no COM
plant whatever. Indeed, he may die
so suddenly that he has no time to m axe
a complaint.
You may not be able to tell exactly
how far the comet is from the earth, but
you may be reasonably certain that it is
too far of to interfere with your telling
thetruth once in while.
Itdoes not follow because you and
your wife both agree on one point
namely, that you want to be master, that
you should therefore have peaceful
and harmonious household.
1t could not have been an lrishman
who put sign board on a road across
bog with this inscription, please take
notice that when this board Is under
water the road is impossible"
Ii you shoald never worry about a
misfortune unit! it actually happened
YOU would be far more cheerful than
| You are. We borrow trouble as natur-
ally as we would like to borrow money.
You may be very sorry for the poor
unfortunates who can't get out OF the
city during the summer solstice, but the
question is whether your sympathy Is
| simply a passing emotion or whether 1t
! can be represented by dollars and cents
The farmer who told Lord Lands
downe that he was so accustomed to the
company of "honest, plain spoken peo'
pie" that he felt ont OF place in the pres
ence of His Lordship, showed that the
simple truth is sometimes the sharpest
kind OF sarcasm.
1t is the pride OF America that she Of
fers an opportunity to the humblest to-
become great. We knew boy who
was so poor twenty-five years ago that
he had 10 secretly borrow a loaf of cake
from q passing bakers cart 10 keep him
self from starving, while now he is one
Of the best shoemakers in Sing Sing.
1t is said that the real difference be-
tween blunder and mistake is this:
When a man puts down q bad umbrella
and takes up good one he makes a
mistake, but when he puts down p good
one and takes up bad one he makes a
4 H. thnrn a
| abundant excuse, but Tor the latter there
is none at all.
A great many people have adopted as
their rule OF general conduct the reason
ing OF the man who said that he never
became priest because he might want
some time to marry, and he never mar
ried because he was afraid he might
some time want to become a priest.
They live to the end OF their days with
out doing anything in particular, because
they are always expecting to do some
thing else.
This story might possibly be told OF
some of the politicians OF the present
day: A gentleman, while looking over
the papers, was asked by Foote what he
was searching for. He answered, 81
want to find what the Ministry was do
ing and / don't see any account here.
THAT is strange" said Foote, "but per-
haps you don't know where to look.
You will probably find it among the
robberies."
Guiteau is said to be insane. Still, his
preparations for the foul deed which has
made America tremble indicate q per-
tect knowledge OF possible consequences.
He was Just sane enough to lay his
PLAYS with perfect precision and to &C.
complish his purpose with such skill as
a bold Nihilist might boast OF. The I
Nihilist acts under the frenzy OF uni .
versal oppression, while this man only |
feels himself personally abused. Tue /
motive, which is revenge for supposed |
wrongs, is precisely the same in both
cases.
The higher ethical mathematics i'll
which the business men Of to-day take
such an interest is we'll illustrated by |
the following: Three travellers stop
ping at an inn ordered braCs OF part
ridges for dinner. When they were
served the logician Of tine company
quietly helped himself to one and lett
the other fDr his companions. "1O!d,"
they cried, that is not proper DIVISION
"And, pray, why not?" was the reply.
"There is one for you two, and here, on
my place, is one ior me, too. Isn't that
fair?'
Western exaggeration is very refresh
ing. 1t is pleasure to hear man say
that he travelled so fast that the tole-
graph poles look as close together as
the boards OF a picket fence. 1t shows
that We live in a wonderful country.
Ordinary language is entirely incom-
petent to express our feelings. We
naturally look round for set of phras'
which will bear some comparison with
the size oil our prar;es and the height OF
our mountains. Still it is not fair to
suppose that We are the only people
who look through microscope al our
selves and then say IN admiration,
What giants W. Gre!' We have 4 sue
| rsS>iul rival in re Gascou, who Is will
| N. either tn praise himself or fight You
iur not believing hin, and who really
| cannot tell which he prefers. In hi
OF anger one Of them said TO his COM
panion aith when he had quar-, e!ed,
Jean, don't say another wort, or sou
Will put me into such a passion that /
shall toss YOU 50 high that You shall dl'
ul hunger before you leach the grounI.
The case of GCitesu presents some
very peculiar phases. 1t seems to the
more than remarkable that ne law pro-
vides proper punishment for man
who by the assassins pistol attempts to
upset the government. In the eye OF
the law Guiteau's act has no more sig
nificance than that OF night brawler
who is in search OF the jugular vein OF