davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1881-08-24
MisceIlaneous.
CD
NICODEllUS DODGE.
BY MARK TWAIN.

When | was Il boy in a printing
Office in Missouri, q loose-jointed.
long-legged, two-headed, jeans
clad, countrl6ed cub Of about IL
louuged in one day, and without,
removing bis hands from the
depths Of his trousers pockets, Or
taking off his faded ruin Of q
siouch hat, whose broken -brim
hung limp and ragged about his
ears like a bug eaten cabbage leaf.
stared indifferertIy around, then
leaned his hip against thc>editors
table, crossed his mighty brogans,
aimed at a distant fy from a Gre
vice in bis upper teeth, laid him
low, and said, With composnre
w hars the boss.
i am the boss said The editor.
folio wing this curious bit OF arcbi-
lecture wonderipgIy along up to
its clock face with his eye.
Don't want anybody to learn
the hnsiness-'taiu't likely 2
We'll, | don't know. Would
you like tc learn it?'
'Pap's SO; pa, he can't run ne
no no. so l want to git a show
somers il | eau, faint no diffunce
what. | am strong and hearty,
and don't turn nay back on no
kind Of work, hard nur soft
Do you think you would like
to learn the printing business
We'll, | don't rely k'ycr a darn
what | do learn, SOS l get a
chance fur to make my way. I'd
just as soon learn print as any
thiog.'
Can you read?'
'Yes-middlin'.'
write 2
well, I've seed people could lay
over me thar
'Cipher?
Not good enough to keep store,
| don't reckon but as far as
twelve-times-twelve I air't no
slouch. 'Tother side of that is what
gifts me-
Where is your home 2
I'm I'm old Shelby
whats your fathers religious
denomination?'
Him ? Oh, he's j blacksmith
NO, mol don't mean his trade.
What's bis religious denomina-
tion?'
'Oh, didu't understand you befo'.
He's a frcemason.'
What no-you don't get my
meaning yet. What mean is,
does he belong to any cburch-?'
No" you're talking! Couldn't
make out what you was tryir' to
git through yo' head no way.
Belong to church ? Why, boss,
he's been the pizenist kind Of a
Frccwiil Baptis' for forty year.
There ain't any pizener ones'n'
what he is. If they said any
diffrunt, they wouldn't say it
whar ! wuz-hot much they
wouldn't
What is your religion ?,
well: boss, you've kind O. got
noe, thar
What is your name?
'Nicodemus Dodge
Il think maybe you'll do, Nico.
demus. Well give you trial,
anyway
'All right.
when would you like to be-.
gin p
'NoI.'
So, within ten minutes after We
bad first gliupsed this nondescrip,
he was one Of us, and with his
coat off and hard at it.
Beyond the end of cur cstab
lishmcnt which was furthcSt from
the street was a deserted garden,
painless, and tbickly grown with
the Lloomy and viIIairous .jimp-
son weed aud its common friend,
the stately suDaower. In the
| midst OF this mournful spot was a
decaycd and aged little frame
house with but one room, one
window, and no ceiling: it had
been a sWokc-house u generation
before, Nicodemus was given this
lonely and ghastIy den as bed.
chamber
]
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13
There was a 6 hog car" in the mi

There was "hog car" in the mid
die of passenger train in Peoria lately.
The father instructed the youngsters
how to rush quickly for the car as soon
as the gate was open, and each one of
them (fve) turn over the back of seat
so as to secure four seats apiece on the
shady side. This they did, and when
the whole party of ten, including nurse
and baby, got in, they spread them
selves over the whole twenty-six seats
on that side of the car, except the end
benches. No one else could get seat
on that side without an ugly dispute
with both parents and children. The
father and mother had four seats, two
of them being for their traps and their
wraps, and for their feet; two little boys
had four seats for themselves and their
bird cages and rabbit boxes; a grown
up son and "young lady" daughter
each had four seats; the nurse and baby
had four, and so it went through the
family,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13
A Joke ON Washington Correspondent.

Probably no jollier lot of fellows are
alive than the Washington correspond
ents of the American press. They find
plenty of time, even when up to their
ears in work during a busy ses-
sion, to poke fun at each other.
One of them, who furnishes spe-
cial dispatches to leading journal,
could tell a joke upon himself If he we're
SO inclined. When he first entered
Washington he was exceedingly green,
but, like most novices, imagined that
news-purveying was a trade which could
be learned without a long apprentice
ship. As he was leaving the Capitol
on certain afternoon in the midst of a
"short session." he was accosted by
with a perfectly serious face, asked
him if he had heard the result of last
nights caucus. 81 didn't know there
was one," he aswered. "Oh, yes"
said the first speaker, "there was a
joint caucus of both parties, and. after
great deal of wrangling, they voted
the 4th of March, "You don't
burrying off to the telegraph Office. A
few minutes later this bit of news was on
the wires; stranger yet, the editor into
whose hands the dispatch passed at its
destination printed it just as it was sent,
without pausing to reflect that caucus
is invariably a meeting of one party on
ly, and that the short session of Con-
gress ends,'by legal limitation, on the
4th of March, regardless of caucuses,
resolutions, votes or any other consider
ation.-Hortf0rd (COnu Times
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13
The Study OF Botany.

The study of botany is not general
pursuit. There are many who could
not tell an akene from Il silicle to save
their lives, but only ask them if they
ever saw beggar's tsch;, and they will
glow with that true enthusiasm born of
unsuccessful scientific research, for there
is at least one page of botany with
which every one is familiar-the family
of the burrs, the cookies, and the tick
seed. You are always running against
them in your rambles. They are the
Migrants and the vagabonds of the veg
etable world, the vegetable tramps of
the highways.
Some of them, like the armed burr
marigolds, are bold and daring, and jab
you with their spears in true highway
man fashion; others, as the agrimony
and enchanter's nightshade, are sly and
cautious, hiding in inconspicuous places,
and eluding your detection until discov-
cred against the background of your
garments. But they are all our very
constant companions in the country.
An interesting chapter might be writ
ten, and afford ample opportunity for
decoration, on the theme of mature as
a Sower." We have here seen class
of plants whose only means of dissent
nation is through the medium of alien
transportation, of which design their
conformation gives perfect evidence.
Others shake their seeds upon the run
ming streams, or hurl them in the cur
rent with jerk, to be washed along and
lodged upon the shingly sand-bars. The
germs of many of our fruits and berries
look to the birds for their future oppor-
tunities of growth, while nuts find an
abundant means of distribution in the
joint propensities of boys and squirrels.
Others, like the samaras of the tulip
tree and elm, are launched from the
tree-tops, and flutter with will to the
furthest limit OF their strength; while
many more, ethereal and spirit-like, as
in the thistle and the fire-weed, are pro-
vided with wings as light as air; they
are at home upon the breeze, and the
whole earth is their kingdom.
To the latter class belongs that en-
bodiment of grace, our roadside clemat-
is-the queen of all our native climbers,
trailing over walls and fences, throwing
its embroidered canopy over the un-
slightly stubble, covering the ungainly
branch with waving sprays of borrowed
verdure, and swinging its dropping
arabesques in most charming abandon
along the borders of every pond or run
ming brook.-W II. Gibson, in Harper s
AaJa:i7e.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

to the former. In gathering the seed,
take them as soon as they fall to the
ground from the tree, and before any
sprouting occurs, as frequently happens
with the acorns of certain species of our
native oaks, if left for a few days in
contact with the moist, warm earth. 1t
is now time to commence the gathering
of forest tree seeds by those who may
wish to set out new or extend old plan
tations; and if the foregoing hints are
needed, few will be disappointed in the
propagation of forest trees by seed.-N.
Y. Sun.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

A Chicago man says: 81 ran for
Office once-when 1 was young and fool
ish. I got defeated, and am glad of it.
I'd rather be yellow hound and bay
a moon made of green cheese than sub
NIT myself again to the moral crucifix-
ion, button-holing, lying, sneaking,
double-dealing, back biting, whispering,
conniving, rot-gut swilling, hand-shak-
ing, foul-breathing, make-believe
friendship and bare-faced treachery
that must befall every man that runs
for an office-falsely said to be in the
gift of the people'-in any great city. In
the gift of the devil would hit nearer the
mark ,,
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

Yes, it's an old story; but some
good farmers seem to have never heard
it! If your machinery looks old, rusty
and out of order when harvest comes,
it is pretty sure sign that it has been
exposed to the elements too much, and
that, instead of caring for it, the ''hired
man. left it where last used, and there
the sunshine, rain and, possibly, snow
have worked ''marvelous change" in
its appearance. A thrifty farmer gives
his farm implements good care, and is
we'll paid therefor. We have now in
mind a man who bought mowing-ma-
chine in 1862, and has used it till this
season to do the moving on a farm of
about 100 acres, which has been largely
devoted to grass, but that machine was
slowed in the implement shed as soon
as haying was done each year. Farm
ers, it pays!-RuraI NeV Yorker.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

White Sauce for Fish.-Melt an
ounce of butter in a saucepan, add
to it dessertspoonful of flour; mix
thoroughly; add salt and white pepper
to taste and about a tumblerful of boil
ing water; stir on the fire until it thick
ems. Then take the saucepan off the
fire and STIR in the yolks of two eggs,
beaten up with the juice of lemon and
strained.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

Hope is the last thing that dies in
a man; and though it be exceedingly
deceitful, yet it is of this good use to us,
that while we are travelling through life
it conducts us in an easier and more
pleasant way to our journeys end.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

ing from nervous debility and kindred weak
nesses, should send two stamps for large
treatise, giving successful treatment
WORLDS DIsPENsARY MEDICAL AssOCIA-
TON, Buffalo, N. Y.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13
Beauti nera.

Ladies, you cannot make fair skin, rosy
metics Of France, or beautilers of the world,
while In poor health, and nothing will give
you such good health, strength, bouyant
spirits and beauty as Hop Bitters. A trial
is certain proof. See another column
Telegraph.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

THE Sunday Argus, Louisville (Ky.) OBJ
serves: A Woodbury. On. J.)paper mentions
the cure of the wife of Mr.. Jos. II. Mills, of
that place, by St Jacobs Oil. She had rheu-
lnatism.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

DIR. R. v. PIERCE, Buffalo, N. Y: Dear
Sri have advised many ladies TO try your
..Favorite Prescription and never see it
fail to do more than you advertise.
Yours truly, MRS. A. NJ. RANKIN,
III Bates street, indianapolis, Ind.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

THE Paper Trade Journal says making
cofins Of paper II rather running the thing
into the ground.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

THE Menasha (wis.) Press says: A. Gran
ger, ESQ.,, of this city, uses st. Jacobs Oil on
his horses with decided success and profit.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

have been given; but the quickest wav Is to
call the soap-grease man.-Bostoss TraS-
script
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

IT must have been dull music for Adam
in his garden home, with no one to talk
with about the crops, the cattle, the hens,
ducks and geese.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

AMAIDEN wants to know how to avoid
having mustache come on her upper lip.
Eat onions.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

Don't Judge a man too hastily when you
see him coming out of public house WHIP
ing his mouth. His action is an inn-signif-
cant one.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13
Special Dispatch from Detroit,

BPcclnI Dtspntch Iron Detroit,
The demand Of the people for an easier
method Of preparing Kidney Wort has in
duced the proprietors, the well-known
wholesale Druggists, Wells, Richardson &
Co., Of Burlington, VT, to prepare It for
sale in liquid form as well as In dry FORM
Post aud Tribune.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

THE boy who has been as lively as crick-
ct all summer suddenly shows prediction
for headache at the first sound OF the school
hell
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

If you are bilious, take DIR. Pierce g
pheasant Purgative Pellets,' the original
Little Liver Pills." OF all druggists.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

II afflicted with Sore Eyes, use DR.. Isaac
Thompson's Eye Water. Druggists selrit. 25c.
Iron County register. [volume] (Ironton, Iron County, Mo.) 1867-1965, 1881-10-13

Ued-bu1s, Reaches,
Rats, cats, mice, ants, flies, insects, cleared
out by Rough on Rats 15c. druggists.
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1881-04-06

making any mistake about this matter at
all. heard the Senator from Virginia
stand here and shout out: "That thing had
TO stop" suppose it does. Suppose it don't
know it won't with me by your dictation.
That is cheap-very cheap. (Alluding to
MahOne's expression.)
Mr. MahOne-It is very cheap, Mr. Presi-
dent, to deal in such bravado as the gentle
man from Illinois (meaning Indiana) does.
Mr.. Voorhees, who was walking over 10
his own chair when MahOne's last remark
fell, turned around and said The gentle
man alludes to me as the Senator from Hi
nOis; | suppose he will take no exception
therefore If / allude to him as the Senator
from Vermont.
Mr.. Malone Continuing and completing
his sentence)-But when the gentleman
says he indorSes the sentiment of that news
Jx per article, / undertake to characterize it
here as such that no brave or honorable man
would make in this Chamber (The reporter
gives this sentence also as delivered Now
let him take that with him and wear it,
Some Democratic Senators here suggested
to Voorhees, to say no more, but not heed
ing the advice. Mr.. Voorhees, Tetorted in a
somewhat oracular manner: "The question
about taking and wearing thing depends
good deal upon the here and hereafter"
This ended the controversy in the Senate
Chamber, and, on motion of Mr.. Dawes, the
Senate adjourned until Monday.
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1881-04-06

Gus and interesting truth Knock belongs
in the sah1e category with Lourdes, and the
two belong In the same category with those
mysteries WHICH recur, with the very age
taking new shapein each generation, while
the kernel truth Is identical mi all
There has been a great deal of bad feeljD e
between two Galveston families, hence
there was much surprise when they inter
married. A friend in speaking OF The
had made friends. Not bit Of it, j
hate every bone in my son-in-law's body"
why did you let him marry your daugh-
ter, them 'TO get even with HIM. l
guess you don't know that girls mother as
well as / do
Our late civil war seems 70 have upse5 for
the time all our peace principles and most
of our peace phraseolOgy. Clergymen, who
are apt to have a set of cant phrases. once in
a while got themselves into difficulty. I'm
quiet times. when all the States were like a
band OF brothers, it was very natural 10 ia Tx
about turning theswOrd intoa pTuning-hOoh
but in 1862 when il became necessary to
turn every pruning-hoOk into q sword the
old phraseolOgy was singularly ont of place
A certain minister found himself in a very
unpleasant position when he prayed for a
regiment that wac just starting out for the
seat of war, that the men might be bold as
lions on the battlefield and as harmless as
doves
There are few things which better be-
come a man than the habit OF constant
courtesy. Il costs little TO be kind or to say
kind things, but they 90 great way in the
make up of human happiness. Courtesy
lubricates the wheels and makes everything
go smoothly, while too plain speaking,
though 1t is ''only intended for your good,
you know is ant To raise the spirit of re-
sistance and rebellion. To tell man of bad
temper that his temper is the worst you
ever saw, doesn't prove his temper at all,
but on the other hand, is likely to give him
an opportunity to show you depths OF bad
temper such as you never dreamed Of
Courtesy may, however, go too TAR. An
Irish lawyer, for example. when in the
midst of trial addressed theCou as Gen
tlemen" instead OF Your Honors" He was
reminded of his mistake by the opposing
counsel and made an ample and public apol-
Ogy. He said: MAY it please Your HQnOrs,
l am told that in the heat of extempore
speech had the presumption 10 call Your
Honors gentlemen. / desire how TO apollo
gize for so serious mistake"
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1881-04-06
Opinions of the attorney General.

The Attorney General has given the fol-
lowing opinions during the past week:
In view Of the approaching spring election, your
questions becomes very important, and proceed
to answer them fully.
Under the old law governing town elections, as
construed by the Supreme Court IN 40 Ind, o.,
Town Trustees were elected by the whole town
and only one poll or place of voting was allowed.
March a. 1877 the Legislature changed the law and
provided that 1.-THE Common Council Ofany city or
Trustee of any town may make such changes IN
places of holding elections or divisions in Pre-
cincts i'm their respective towns or cities as pub
lie convenience or the public good may require.
Provided, no such changes or divisions shall be
made without giving due notice at Court one
month before any election, either by publication
In the newspaper having the largest circulation
in the Comfy in which such city or town is stu
ated or by posters put up in four of the most
public places in such Precinct. With that statute
in view the answer to your inquiries are easy.
l. Do we vote in Wards or Precincts or all at
one Precinct? You vote this year as you have
done heretofore, and if you want a change the
above statute points out how il is 10 be made.
p Does each Ward vote for all the Trustees. or
does each Ward elect its own Trustee? The SUI
preme Court in the above case decided that each
Ward votes for all the Trustees. j do not think
the act of lS7 changes this rule. even though the
Trustees change the voting places under the pro-
visions of the above act.
3. Has there been any change in the law oil
1877? am not aware of any.
OF course we are both contemplating town and
not city elections. Yours truly,
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1881-04-06
A Comet of the Second Empire.

Does any one remember the beautiful girl
who went by the nickname of La COmete,
and flashed through the Partisan world dur
ing the last year of the second empire? She
was called Comet on account of the ex-
ceedin@length and loneliness of her golden
hair. CheOphile Gautier wrote sonnet to
her. Cabanel painted her portrait, Worth
dressed her, and Leon Cugnot took her as
the model of his pretty statue, La Baig-
ne use" Her real name was Adele TercnOut
and Just before the FrancO-German war
broke out she declined an offer OF marriage
from an elderly Duke, with a very ancient
escutcheon. At that time she owned one of
finest mansions in the Champs ElyseeS, had
twelve horses in her stable and bushel of
diamonds in her dressing-case. Last week
this dazzling creature died in a Partisan hos
pital absolutely destitute, and the disease
which carried her off was the most hideous
that could befall pretty wOman-a lupus
vorax. or cancer in the face, which totally
disfigured her. Like Zola's Mana, the only yes
tige left of her beauty when she died was her
matchless hair, which measured nearly five
feet
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1881-04-06
LEGISLATIVE GOSSIP.

Senator Spann's bill providing for the edu-
cation of pauper children has passed the
Senate.
1t was rumored on the streets yesterday
that another session will be necessary, and
that Governor Porter contemplates calling
il. The report was not official.
The question of whether the State will
have new ballot-boxes or not was up in the
House The box is patent one, and has
three keys, and registers every ballot Ii
will cost the State $4,000 to purchase it.
The following resolution. offered by Mr..
Cauthorne, was adopted in the House yes
terday:
A resolution passed the House providing
for the submission of an amendment to the
Constitution, prohibiting the manufacture
or sale of intoxicating liquors only fol-
mechanical, medicinal and sacramental pur.
poses. The resolution passed by a vote oil
"a yeas and 80 nays. DR.. Edwins wanted to
include hard cider, but it was lost.
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1881-04-06
a Horned and Woolly Pig.

Jim Kyle, brother to Sheriff Kyle, OF Eu-
reka, has on exhibition on Heavenly Joy
Knoll, Lower Ruby Hill, a genuine horned,
woolly pig, weighing twenty-nine and one
half pounds. Its horn: are about four
mails head in about the same style as grow
the tusks of elephants. But as yet they are
not hard, and can be twisted or doubled up
with the hand. The head of the pig is well
developed, with regularly defined snout
but the eyes and ears are different from
those of well-regulated hogs The eyes are
black, large, and very expressive, looking
precisely like the optics of a sea lion. The
ears resemble those of Newfoundland dog
and are covered with yariegated, glossy
wool
The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1881-04-06
cold Abe,sr Decision.

r. V. smalley, in New York Tribunel
During Lincoln's time there was great
row over the Postoffice in Major Bickham's
town of Dayton, o. Two Hotspurs were in
the field. Petition after petition in favor Of
one or the other poured in upon the Presi-
dent, and delegation after delegation
fastened to Washington to argue the case
Mr.. Lincoln was a long-sufering man, but
his patience gave out at last He could not
determine that one applicant was in the
slightest degree more competent or more
patriotic or better supported than the other.
Finally, after being bored by fresh delega-
ton, he said TO his Secretary: This matter
has got to end somehow. Bring a pair Of
scales" The scales were brought. Now,
put in all the petitions and letters IN favor
of one man and see how much they weigh,
and then weigh the other fellows pile 1t
was found that one bundle was three-quart-
ers of pound heavier than the other. Make
out an appointment at once for the man who
has the heaviest papers," said Mr.. Lincoln,
and it was done,