St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-06-03
SquibS.

Why does the new moon remind one
of a giddy girl? Because she is too
young to show much reflection.
Soldiers must he fearfully dishon-
est, said Mrs. PartingtOn. at seems
to he an occurrence every night for Il
sentry to bc relieved of his watch"
What was it? went out in the
woods and got it. After l got it l
looked for it. The more | looked for
it the less | liked it. | brought it
home in my hand because | couldn't
find it. A silver.
"When | was young man." says
Billings, II was always in hurry to
hold the big end of the log and do all
the lifting; now | am older, | seize
hold of the small end and do all the
grunting."
"Now, Sammy, have you read the
story of Joseph ?" "Oh, yes, uncle"
''Well, then, what wrong did they do
when they sold their brother ?" '"They
sold him too cheap"
Greece has only five miles of railway,
and when farmers COW breaks leg,
he often has to carry her a long dis
tance to get to the track and leave her
there, so he can obtain pay for her
It's awfully mhandy.
"KSthetic Damsel. THE most
charming decoration for plate is Il
good piece of becfstcak, with we'll
cooked potatoes and just IA sufficiency
of gravy. It'll lay over trailing vines
or a sunhowcr any day.
This is the sound, practical advice
that is given by Il misantLrOpe "If
ever you should be so unfortunate az
to he attacked by night, never shout
'Murdcrr for no one will bother about
you; yell Fire y and everybody will
he out of doors in jiffy.n
The editor of a newspaper that has
adopted phonetic spelling, in meas
urc, received IA postal card from an
old subscriber i'll the country, which
reads as follows: 81 have tux your
paper for lcven years, but if you kant
spell eny better than you have been
dOin for the last to months, you may
.lcs stOpit."
A New York "99 cent storer was
robbed Il few nights ago of eleven gold
bracelets, six watches, three diamond
pins, fourteen gold brooches and fifty
four finger rings. The loss is estimat-
ed at two dollars and twenty cents.
An artist who has searched far and
wide for a facial expression which
would indicate fear, daring and men
tai suffering, all at once, was seen
this morning rushing down the street
shouting Eureka !" just in front was
young man taking his first public ride
on IA bicycle.
"Seizing the gigantic Indian around
the waist, the brave boy lifted him into
the air and flung him headlong down
the chasm. Painting, the boy stood and
watched the Indians body fall from
crag to crag, until it disappcard in the
darkness below. just at this moment
--" Just at this moment the faith
cr of the boy who was reading this
trash came along, lifted the yOUmgstcr
by the ear, and in the wOOdshed matt
nee that followed the boy had no
thought of flinging the old man down
chasm. There was no chasm handy.
A school teacher asked "A new boy,
'If IA carpenter wants to cover roof
fifteen feet wide by thirty broad with
shingles five feet broad by twelve long,
how many shingles will he need ~
The boy took up his hat and slid for
the door. "Where are you going"
asked the teacher. "'TO find caTpen-
ter. He ought to know better than
any of we fellars."
Jenkins had Just seated himself to
read his evening paper before yester-
days supper, when howl came up
from the back yard, where his heir was
playing with crowd of boys. Clear
ly rang out the voice of the junior
jenkins that if the Jones boy wouldn't
DE the horse he wouldn't play Mr..
Jenkins calmly raised the window and
announced "Young man, | don't
want to hear any of that Roscoe COnk-
ling business here in Massachusetts,.
You will be the horse yourself this
time, or shall withdraw your supper
and send you to bed. You hear my
message 2" The deadlock was broken.
-[Lowel Citizen.