Democratic messenger. [volume] (Snow Hill, Md.) 1869-1973, 1881-07-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

The thunder is about the most reliable
weather report.
A BALD HEADED architect remarked
that he liked a wig warm.
EVEN If q man has two lawns he gen.
orally wants lawn mower.
An Indiana carpenter is so temperate
that he will not use q spirit level.
ALBANY legislators hail each other:
Good morning, old boy! Been b-ibed
to-day?
CAN a young lady who is everlastingly
knitting her eyebrows be called indus
trious?
No SOONER will the striking brewers
be reconciled than they will be at lager
heads again.
"TRoTH it's a main business, re-
marked the Irish laborer as he emerged
| from the water pipes.
GIBsoNIUs MoPUTsEL says it's the
cocktail and not the cockcrow that
fetches him out in the morning.
GOLD can buy pretty nearly every
thing in this world except that which q
man wants most-viz., happiness.
SOCIAL etiquette among the Indians
is confined to one trait. They never let
a caller go away hungry, If it takes the
last dog.
He is a very ordinary man who never
| finds fault with himself, and very
extraordinary one who never has reason
to do so.
The Gar has succeeded in maintain
ing absolute monarchy. But he Is
afraid to come out and see how it i9 get
ting along.
A LARK boasted that he could soar
higher than any other bird. An eagle
who overheard him said: cts matter
of a pinion.
IT is very serious question whether,
when the word "finis is written on
your life. it shall turn out to be trag
edy or comedy.
THE Old Testament will not be re-
vised for three years yet. People will
have to break the ten commandments
as they are for the present.
A YOUNG Frenchman, complaining of
the gravity of Americans, said, they
go to ball and dance as if they did it
by order of the Legislature.
You needn't wish your enemy to write
book. Wish that he owned house
with brackets under the cornice. The
English sparrows will do the rest.
"Do YOU know what business Mr..
Doddridge follows 2" "No, but I've
heard he owns a good deal of land"
"Oh, well, he's probably farmacist.
A COMPANY of Philadelphia militia
men who had decided to go down the
river for a shoot were so anxious about
| their beer that it was not until they
reached their destination that they dis
covered that they had left their ammu-s
milton behind.
GATHER asked little Johnny,
''when yo1 was boy did you used to
think what great man you would be
when you grew up?" 81 suppose so,
said his father, "why do you ask that ?"
'I don't know, replied Johnny, ''only
[ heard you say last night that life was
full of disappointments; that was all.
A LADY writes: ST have often noticed
that most newspaper reporters are young
men. L never hear them spoken of after
they become aged. The question that
troubles me is what becomes of them ?'s
Some are in Congress, and several In the
Cabinet, but few met with reverses
and are editing New York and Chicago
papers.
WILLIAM SPRAGUE, of Rhode Island,
has spent fortune of So, ,000, 900, left
him by his father, during the past
twenty years. As he didn't start daily
paper to fill long-felt want, it is diff
cult to understand how he expended so
much money in that period. If he em-
ployed q plumber three months year,
he ought still to have couple of thou
sand left.
A CERTAIN gentleman said to his cred
itor, 'Brown, want those two dollars
you borrowed of me very badly" ''All
right, was the reply, eff you must have
them I'll try to pay them in some shape
or other" ''You will oblige me" con-
tinued the first speaker, "by making it
as much in the shape of two dollars as
possible"
IRRTrArED mamma. "No, 1T does not
fit as if he had been born in tit does
not fit at all, and I shall expect the
money back. Mr.. Moses. "But,
s'help me - Irritated mamma.
"Your advertisements say, Money re-
turned if not approved Mr.. Moses.
$50 they do, ma tear, so they do; but
your money vas approved; it vas very
goot money"
Son, never get excited. If it's some
thing you can prevent, go in and stop
it; if it's something you can't help, what
good will it do to lose your head and
rage around and act ridiculous? This
rule, however, may be and is hereby
suspended during Presidential elections,
at the horse race, and when one-legged
man sets his spike-pointed crutch on
| yOur fayOrite bunion
A DUToHMAN in Albany went out to
his milkman in the street with a dish in
each hand, instead of one as usual.
The dispenser of attenuated milk asked
if he wished him to ill both vessels
The Dutchman replied, suiting the &C.
ton to the word, "Dis is for de influx
and dis for de watter-and 1 will mix
dem so as to shute mine self"
The Children