Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-12-07
A FrISky Goat.

| 10y oo~s'
A tall, thin man, with a red nose, gray
side whiskers, and melancholy expression
dnfted into the Office of the Post, San
Francisco, and asked, in subdued voice,
ii there Was an unemployed reporter en- the
staff just then.
Because" said the stranger, "a very
peculiar thing happened up our way-I
live at Hayes Valley-this morning. snd
which perhaps you might work up into q
sort OF item, somehow
What sort Of thing9" said the mansg-
ing editor winking to the fighting editor TO
get his club ready in case the sad man
pulled out poem or any other dangerous
contrivance.
swell, in the first place" said the
stranger, abstractedly, do you happen
to know the effect Of beer on animals Z"
'1ant say do"
"lt's exactly the reverse of wharst is on
me. Instead OF soothing 'em 1t excites their
nervous organization TO the highest pitch
Actually makes 'em insane"
"Does, eh2"
''Yes, sir; and this morning, as it was
rather sultry, sent my youngest boy for .
gallon of beer. He stopped on the way and
put the can down to play marbles. McGin-
tvs old black billy-goat came along and
drank up the becr-every drop of It."
Great Casar!" said the court reporter,
smack;ng his lips, regretfully.
''He drank every drop of 1t, and nearly
choked to death on the can. he stood
thinking around little for awhile then
he started for q street-car, with eil colon
set. He hi: the horse square amid-ships,
and it foundered at once"
"Wrecked, supposel" said the editor.
Precisely. The goat then glanced Of,
killed the driver and telescoped the car. I
was sitting at the window all this time,
and my attention was attracted by Go
vernon Perkins going down the street hell
bent on the election
Governor Perkins,"
''That's the goats name you see. Nlc(iin-
ty is a strong Republican. were
four men getting piano out Of wagon
across the street when the Governor went
through 'em like pile driver behind
time. The Steinway was sent to the
mandatory and the men went to the hos
pital. Terrible, wasn't it"
is this ghost story In one act asked
the militia special, getting out bis Spring
tield!"
'.In one scene and nine tableaux," said
the stranger solemnly. son the next
block the Governor came across Dutch
picnic, headed by brass band. The Tsu-
tons were footing Listen to the MockInz
Bird, and the way that goat stood on his
hind legs and waltzed around the pavement
70 ha ,,1f f.r
thing. l may say that it Was actually
amusing. 1t slipped upon banana ped
once, and fell against cigar sign"
'.Never mind the scenery SAID the edi-
tor, motIoning the devil to call in six Of
the healthiest compositors.
"Well pretty soon the band changed of
into Come Where My Love Lies Dream
ing"
''Did the goat comet"
ssYou Just bet he did. He didn't fancy
the new tune somehow, and the first thing
the drum major knew Perky-we call the
goat Perky for short-Perky took him IN
the stomach, broke HIM clean In two. went
through the rest of the band, including the
big drum, and so on clear down to the end
of the picnic, which was four squares long.
| think there were ninety-two killed and
eight hundred and SIX wounded. Pretty
good when you consider the entire driv-
ing power was only one gallon Of cheap
beer; now, wasn't ita Now, i: occurred
to"
"Just one minute" said the editor, sig
mailing the staff to spit on their hands and
timber up for action. "ADow me to ex-
plain what occurred to you. You concluded
to catch the goat when lie got sober and
bring him down here for our benefit. You
have him now tied to q fre-plug around
the corner, and if we will oHy chip in
about four bits for beer, you will get the
animal started and we Can watch the fun
Exactly" said the stranger, warmly
'that Is precisely my idea. will now
take up COL"
That afternoon such of the customers OF
the Post as toiled mp into the editorial
rooms wondered al the numheT of fresh
blood stains on the stairs.