The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1881-09-08
.endyke. LII do YOUR head

Al q AOuNCA IOucs dh6 Lue lOT
midnight assassin, don't YOU
Think I'm running a parlor Police
Gazette; don't you? bod CAST the
measly thing" he shouted, uncoiI
ing damp towel from his head
"why don't you bind up nay perfo.
rated liver2 All you want is g
pound of court-plaster and a bulle.
tin board to be Hospital for Incu.
rabies. Gimme q drinkp
''It's hot" said Mrs. Spoopen.
dyke, hesitatingly profering the tea
cup, "but it's lice and strong-just
the thing for q disordered stomach" !"
"Oh, you know all about it, don't
you," howled Mr.. Spoopendyke.-
You've been out with the boys
yourself, haven't youp Fine tprn
you've got for eon1iFiality. You
wouldn't GO home till Friday week
morning, would you? All you want
is dirty apron and half a dozen
dead beats to be a tirst-class GIN
mill. bod CAST the messly tea" /"
bawled Mr.. SpoopendyKe, hitting
the saucer a whack that sent the
scalding liquid into his wife's face.
"Gimme some GIN"
Mrs. Spoopendyke shrieked
"Ouchr' and stopped down to gath.
er up the broken china, and her
spouse, after surveying the ruins,
satisfying himself that she was not
mortally wounded, flung his head on
the pillow again and grosned,
ale didn't notice the black eye
he gave me last night" murmured
Mrs. Spoopendyke, land warm teas
splendid thing for bruises, so per
haps it was all tor the best. only l
wish it hadn't been quite so hot"
After putting on little toilet
powder she went softly to the win
dow and pulled down the shades
He needs Sleep" she said gently,
"snd 1 don't wonder at it, coming
in at 4 o'clock this morning. No
wonder his legs couldn't support
him. I'm glad I slept before he
came in, or l shouldn't be able to
walk to-day myself"
"Where's that gin?' yelled Mr..
Spcopendyke, beside himself with
fury. What are you pulling down
them shades for2 Think you're 60
ing to have funeral in the house2
'Spose you're a dod gasted measly
widow Wondering who'll provide
you with weepersp Think you're
to let again, don't your Twelve
hundred dollars a year, with all
modern mprovements, on a long
lease. bod gastit bunch of keys
and half q column advertisement is
all you need to be a measly insur-
ance agent. Go round peddling
books with lack-edged paper,
won't you2 bod gast it, where's
that gin3 Do you know what gin
is, Mrs. SpoopendykeT' And his
voice assumed a steadiness of tone
from the depth of scorn that he
threw into the inquiry that msde the
poor woman jump.
"GinI" she answered; ito be sure
! do. 1t comes in square bottles,
with little necks to them"
"Ob, you know gin when you see
it, do you? It's got little neck, has
it, like dod gasted measly clam
You crack the shell and serve it up
with corn and chickens, Of course.
bod CAST it! Get the bottle out of
my coat pocket, where left it to
brace up on this morning" howled
the desperate husband.
"Here it ia," said Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, trying to unscrew the pewter
top, and finally succeeding. "Oh,
my! how it smellsT"
HYOu needn't drink it," snapped
Mr.. Spoopendyke, eagerly putting
the bottle to his lips and pouring
the fluid down his throat. "Dod
CAST it," he said, after a minute
spent in this occupation, "get me
some paper"
Mrs. Spoopendyke, observing the
beneficial effects OF the alcohol,
trlpped lightly down stairs and pres
emily returned with the morning pa
pers. "Shall ! raise the shades and
open the Window she said, as she
carefully readjusted the mosquito
bar.
"Yes, dor screeched Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, in a paroxysm of rage
Raise the roof, raise the neighbor-
hood, raise Hades, why don't you?
bod CAST it, do you take me for al
express companyP 'Spose Pm dod
gasted sextuplex telegraph instru
ment to send sixty columns of read
ing matter to the Office at once2
Think | can write a note between
the letters of those dod gasted news
papers2 Fancy I'm a Patagonian
csnnibal TO write with blood and
finger nails? Oh, you don't, DO you.
Then why don't you give me q pen
and paperR Do you 'spose l can
cut out an advertisements OF a dod
gasted 'head on one and send it TO
the Office by way OF explanationf
Take me for a twenty line big type
special from Kalamazoo? 0 gosh"
gasped Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he once
more took comfort In the gin b Jttle,
"What a genius my wife is.
This sage and complimentary oh
servation was lost on Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, who had again descended for
the necessary implements, and reap
peared just in time TO dodge the
empty flask and spill the ink impair
TALLY over her morning dress, note
paper and best bed room Garrett
This Ar. Spoopendyke fortunately
did not observe.
"Got the dod gasted ink? Are
you weighted down with paper?
Brought sub-tressury with you for
stampsr' he yelled, as the last dregs
of the broken bottle mounted to his
brain. "Then sit down and write.
do you hear1 Sit on the floor and
yoH won't upset the table,"
Mrs. Spoopendyke did as request
ed. "What shall / sayT she began.
"Say anything. You know what /
want, don't you2 Write and say that
Christmas is coming; say It's bot;
say I'm drunk; say the catechism;
say
But before Mrs. Spoopenkyke
could make a choice of the apollo
l. Lii