Millheim Journal. [volume] (Millheim, Pa.) 1876-1984, 1881-01-27
The King OF Smokers.

A year or two ago there died in Rot
terdam a certain Mynheer Van Klaes,
to whom is certainly due the title of
"The KING of Smokers" To gain this
distinction In the great nation of puff
ers must require almost superhuman
powers and a love for the Indian weed
that passes understanding. But Van
Klaes was ever superior to the emer-
gency. 1t took no effort on his part to
gain the smoky crown and wear 1t
while he lived. He did not even die
young, as we might have anticipated
from his immoderate use Of the weed,
but both enjoyed life and smoking
until he had passed his eighty-flrst
birthday.
During the long vista of smoky years
In which he reveled in his pipe, Van
Klaes consumed fonr tons OF tobacco,
well wetted down by 500, 900 quarts Of
ale which he drank, not to meLtion
Schiedam schnapps and other national
beverages.
In Mynheer's house was a sumptu-
Gus apartment; entirely devoted to
pipes and tobacco. Every variety Of
the fragrant weed grown on the earth S
surface was TO be found there, in the
plug, cut up or shredded. Cigars, or
garettes and cigarillas were grouped
about In tasteful display. But, above
all, MYnheer's pipes first riveted the
VISITORS eye. In this choice collection
every branch or variety of the pipe
family had Its representative; one
could trace the whole evolution Of the
race, from the clumsy BOWL and thick
stem of Sir Walter Raleigh's clay to
the lovely-carved meerschaum from
Trebi8Ond.
In this temple of tobacco the veteran
would sit putting prodigious volumes
Of smokes from his well-filled pipe,
only pausing now and then to wet his
thirsty lips with drink Of ale. 1t is
said that his last rejecting breath was
borne from his lifeless body on cloud
Of fragrant smoke.
A few hours before his death, Van
Klaes called for a notary to make his
will. Putting vigorously, and after
taking puff at his Schledam, My1 heer
gave precise directions for the perIor-
nance of his ObsequIes. In the first
place, his coffin was to be thoroughly
lined with the tops, bottoms and sides
of boxes that had contained his favor
ite cigars; then bladder of the finest
dry-cut Dutch golden leaf was to be
placed ut his feet. Most important Of
all, his favorite pipe must be laid by
his side. A firm conviction that his
soul was not going TO dwell In these
latitudes where fire is always sure to be
close at hand caused Mynheer to direct
his executor to place box Of matches
by his side, and with great foresight
he also desired that q flint and steel
should be added, as by some unforeseen
occurrences til 9 matches might dampen
before they would be wanted.
Having thus attended to mis- personal
wants in the next world, Van Klaes
desired that the smokers in the neigh
borhood should be invited to his funeral,
each one to be presented with ten
pounds of tobacco and two pipes
stamped with the name and arms of
Van Klaes, together with the date of
the donors demise. These guests were
to be admonished to keep their pipes
lighted during service, and to scatter
ashes on the coffin a 1t was being con-
signed to mother earth.
The poor of the vicinity, who OBJ
served these instructions fai thtully,
were to be presented on the anniver-
sary of Mynheer's death with ten
pounds OF tobacco and firkln Of ale
apiece. After these items were arrang-
ed to his liking, Mynheer smoked his
last breath constant to the last, and GER
tainly deserving to be immortalIzed
as the "greatest smoker since the
food"