The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-02-17
WIT AND HUMOR.

A printers wife always puts the baby
in .tsmall caps"
Bismarck has for many years believed
that he will die in 1881
A fellow who had been to the circus
spoke of his girls cheek as splendid
side show
MIR. Richard Ten Broeck, the veteran
Kentucky turfman, will return from
England this week
Il wish j was pudding, mamma"
sWhy?' "'Cause l should have a lot
of sugar put into me-"
Mrs. Swift went to market the other
day on a side-wheel velocipede. The
eggs will have to be bought over again.
have no knowledge of monetary af-
fairs, save in the abstract, as the thief
muttered while depicting the money
drawer.
Il can't 90 to Europe" lady is re-
ported to have said, Il am reading for
ty-five continued stories, and my limit
ed means would not let me pay the
postage"
Striped stockings are no longer fash
ionable, and hereafter the back yards
of our first families on wash days will
not resemble a collection of the flags of
all nations.
An Iowa farmer says: ''We raise four
hundred bushels of potatoes to the acre
here, which would be a big thing if we
didn't raise insects enough to eat 'em
all up
The New Haven Register says: We
are not very observing, but we have no
ticed that the first thing any woman
does on alighting from a carriage Is to
carefully put her right hand in conjunc-
ton with her back hair, just to see if it S
all right.
There's a girl in Kansas only nine
teen years old who can knock squirrel
out of the tallest tree with her rifle, ride
a kicking mustang, help ''rOund up" a
herd of cattle, and ride down n jack
rabbit, and yet, the local paper states
in tone of surprise and a little anxiety,
s'she is not married"
..My case is just here" said citizen
to lawyer the other day; '.the plaintiff
will swear that hit him. will swear
that 1 did not. Now, what can you
lawyers make out of that if we go to
trial ?'' "Five dollars apiece ~ was the
prompt reply.
Mother (to sixteen-year-old daugh-
ter):- $50 you enjoyed your walk, Kate.
Did YOU 90 all that distance alone ?''
'sOh, yes, mamma, quite alone ~ OBJ
iectionable younger brother t'Then
how is it, Kit, that you took out an UNI
brella and brought home walking
stick ?''
The Danbury News says: Danbury's s
grateful policeman was at breakfast on
Sunday morning, wrestling with piece
of remarkably tough veal. His wife
said to him, You always say there's
something to be thankful for in every
thing. i guess you'd d be puzzled to find
ANYTHING to be thankful for in that
veal.' :.Not at all,' he cheerfully re-
sponded, stopping to breathe; Il was
Just thinking how grateful we should be
that we met it when it was young.
President John Tyler had n remark
ably long nose. .Journeying on one oc-
casion To Washington to perform his
duties as a member of Congress, Mr.
TYLER observed in the same conveyance
n little man with a nose small, stumpy
and very much turned up When few
miles from Washington some one re-
marked that they must be near Wash
ington. Yes" said the little man,
snufling facetiously at the air, II can
smeli-it.'' Sir said Mr.. Tyler, rising
licm MS seat anu spcihihS Will soicih
nity while with one hand he rubbed
his nose. IF you can smell Washing
ton with your nose my nose must be
there already"
TOOK THE CAKE
Two sat down in the evening time,
One To ea and one to pay;
The cream WAS good and the freezer she
cIeaned,
Although the bottom was far away
The world has forgotten the Young mans
name
u;s c,sI ia p,fnus his heart doth ache.