Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1881-09-01
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
The combing man "A barber


"Sleeping out loud" is the latest
child definition Of snoring.
This is a fit time and place" as the
mad dog said when he saw the river.
II the tide waves are breakers, il is no
wonder the loose waves smash things.
Why is turnpike gate like dead
dogs tail? Because it stops a Vaughn.
All the policemen in New Orleans
quote Shakespeare. He is the mayor Of
the city.
a great many men are like rocking
horse. They are always on the g., but
never go ahead.
The people on the stage love to be
called artists. Why shouldn't they
Don't they paint?
"Organ- grinders are allowed in the
streets Of Chicago between the hours
Of 9 4. NJ. and 9 =. only. A man who
demands more than twelve hours Of
such music ought tc get employment in
boiler shop
A Detroit doctor says people with
light eyes and hair are those who have
warts. Now if some savant will tell NJ
what color Of eyes and hair denotes
snoring, many unhappy marriages will
be prevented.
Women often speak disparagingly Of
mons judgement But the feminine
mind, when the supreme moment Of
decision arrives, always leans upon a
man, If there is man within leaning or
clu,ching distance.
Mr.. Myra Clark Gaines saws she tried
for ten years to find flaw in her hus-
bands character, but was unsuccessful.
Wonder If she tested him as they do
steam hoiler-tried to blow him up and
found j; wouldn'. work.
Probably tho moaucst man on record
keeps a boarding house ia san DOMINGO.
Last winter an earthquake turned the
cdifce upside down, and IA. very nest
morning be began charging the raIret
dodgers hrst floor prices.
The publication Of weather predic.
tions Is Of great benefit to the commu-
nifty. II enables the mean man to an
pear generous by promising to take his
wife on a pleasure trip the day he is
certain that heavy rain will postpone
the trip.
In speaking Of newly-wedded pair
agcntleman said Of the husband: "The
trouble with John Is he has no mind Of
his own" "Oh. that will make no
difference; Sarah will always be ready
TO give him a piece OF hers :" responded
the lady.
A correspondent should always make
it a point to add to a newspaper com
munication. "If too long. please cut
down to suit yourself" This treasures
the editor and suggests way out of a
possible difficulty which might never
have occurred to him. --RocheStz Demo
crd.
/, was youth OF modest purse
Said sofi unto = maid
(Which would you rather tackle next.
Ice cream or lemonade r"
Across the maidcn's rosy check
Fast fiat. winning smile
"Ill order some Of both, she said.
Heaven help the young mans "pilo"
"Ah, my love, what love Of lovely
new costume you have onY "Do you
think so, loveyY" "Yes, my love, and
I'm real glad" "Are you really2 You
are so kind !" AYES, dearest, / was
beginning TO feel sorry for you, after
you'd worn that old black silk three
years and turned il twice"
rHr MATERNAL MOAN.
Fond friends tried vainiy 70 cheer her
To stop mp the tears that fast fell:
And she claspcd her daughter siill nearer,
And in agony uttered farewell
The groom with his bride has departed,
To journey far of in strange lands.
And the mother cries ont brokon-heArted
"wcll Pm glad that giTl's Of OF nv hands''
A Japanese newspaper, the Nich
Nicd Shimblfa, gives an account Of the
embarrassments of journalism in Japan.
On the Goth Of April last Mr.. Saionii,
e1-oditor of the 7'oyo yiss Shimb4"',
was summoned 10 the procuator's Office
in the Toxic Saibansho, and "Mr. Mat
EuEawa, OF the editorial staff Of the
same journal, was airaigned there in
handouts and tied mp with q rope
round his loins." The report adds