Eureka daily sentinel. [volume] (Eureka, Nev.) 1871-1887, 1881-04-30

HOW TO BECOME PRESIDENT
Dim Anderson Immorfaiized I'm .
Brilliant Comedy.
Some friend in the East sends the SEN
TINEL a little book published during thu
year 1879. The title page reflects its con,
tents as follows: "How to Become Presi
dent; or, the New Doctrine Of Election a.
Expounded by Various Prominent Actors
in the Sparkling Comedy Entitled,
'Ciphers and Returning Boards Played
with Great Success During the Presidential
Contest Of 1876, Under the Auspices Of the
Talented Civil Service Reform Combina.
ton" The play assumes to have been
written By sour Mutual Friend" The
various scenes and acts embrace pretty
much all Of the incidents connected with
the robbery by which Mr.. Tilden was de-
frauded OF the Presidential chair. II is
really an entertaining production, and
ought to draw immensely II properly put
on the boards. The Louisiana Returning
Board, the visiting statesmen, the Elec-
toral Commission, Eliza Pinkerton, Anna
jerks, Jim Anderson and all the rest are
dished up in lively style. Ono Colonel
~ - - ~ al
through the piece; 80 christened doubtless
because Of the ability displayed in twisting
Tilden out and Hayes in. Our friend An
derson, Of the Ruby Hill Mining News, III
made to tome before the f~ootlights in sew.
eral of the acts. Scene v is laid in the
lobby Of the House at Washington. Pres
ent, Colonel Twister. 1t runs as follows:
Col. T. There's no more hope for me. They've
thrown me over.
And yet, for one brief spell, / lived in clover !;
But then. they found me out, alas Too quick.
And when they did. served me . dirty trick.
For they discharged me. Once. thought my
Would reach the zenith. That bright Fortunes
car
Would bear me on, and ON. and never stop
And while I thought. they found me ont. and
OF went my head. Now here l am "de.d
There's not a single man l ever trusted
To trust me now. Confound that Anderson.
Twas him that ruined me. / first begun
By running my friend then got q place
From Hayes, to compensate for M disgrace.
Then that man came, and when he fell, fell 1.
And where 1 fell. there. now. I've got to lie.
yet he told the truth. Hayes, sure WAS
And never was entitled to the seat
he occupies to-day. We thought, poor fools,
That IL we made ourselves the ready tools
To bring the frauds to light. the other side
Would see us launched again on Fortunes tide.
We failed, but not through any fault OF his
All. there he comes. I recognize his phiz-
ENTER ANpERsoN.l
How are you. Anderson, how goes the battle ?
M Did rough. These Congressman are
worse than cattle
Wild from the Texan plains. They're far too shy
To help as they ought, cen on the sly.
Col. T. think your case is . little worse
than mine
Rnt yet It's difficult to draw the line
Between the two.
AND. do not think 30, You,
Ruined your friends while all that / could do
] did to build mine up.
Coz. T. Well, a. you will.
AND. Mine surely is q cursed bitter pill.
l engineered Hayes in. Without my help
He had been beaten. Now his friends all yelp
And snap their angers at me- because, forsooth,
I made exposure OF the naked truth.
If I'd but had that guaranty from Sherman
I'd made them dance some dance besides the
German.
Twas Madame jerks that saved them-she
BY her were all my hopes and plans o'erthrown.
She got that Is letter. and they paid her well
For all the lies her ready tongue could tell
Coz t. Her testimony shows
She told not all she knew.
AND. job Sherman knows
He wrote that letter; and with all his cheek
d uhTtu 4Dt ~ upO1 taC stuu LII 1RC9h
Concerning 1t. He dared make no denial,
Except through her, and that, on any trial
In court Of law. were worthless to acquit.
Or prove him innocent Of writing it.
He proved his guilt to every man Of sense
BY keeping silent. Under what pretense-
Col. T. One thing 10 sure; the people when
they read
You statements will believe them.
AND. Yes, indeed.
The people are not fools; and they can see
why sherman tried 30 hard 10 ruin me.
his and Hayes salvation. Everything
Constrained them and their Louisiana ring
To lave themselves by proving me q liar
But yet they failed.
Col. T. The people will inquire
Into the interest which they had at stake
And gauge their acts by that. They viii take.
By way of Offset, this important fact
You went against your interest. Eos attacked
The only source from whence you hoped for
Aid
Before you found them false to pledges made.
AND. That puts the matter in its proper light.
Butt cannot tarry longer. Gems tonight
You know where l an staying. and we'll try
To drown our troubles In some rock and rye.
Coz. T. I'll be there certain. Meantime wish
you well.
May smiling fortune soon these clouds dispei.
fExeunt both