Daily Republican., 1881-09-01
LUN ACHES.
Something tn Laugh At-SO Read
md he Merry.
NEVER USE SLANG.

"My daughter never uses slang, Say
some staid patertamilias, who is de
Ioghcing the idea that the American
young lady SPEAKS any other than tn,
purest college taught English, and h,
il sincere in his belief. But sh 1ult
| some curious senior, with al eye to tt,
iruth, liager near this young lady ant
her schcoi friends, ten 20 one tins is al
exact aud not over drawn description o
what he would hear:
Meet Inc on the ave this aft and W,
will 80 10 tho maj.
$40 not this AIT y
"Wt.l, good aft"
81 had " perfect mag. time, and dom
you forget it,"
'npn't give me qwav, Kate"
I'VE I, ! should softly exclaimn'
81 should blush to murmer!'
II should remark
81 should n'u,ter.'
81 should Smile.'
care you going to the musicale"
"You us bet am -
"Havc you got your lesson in ply
geography"
81 told til, Guv' | wanted new
handkerchief dress"
"Did he tumble to the racket"
"D!d lo trail"'
"Did he catch on ."
Gle f)rked over girls, and it's my
treat"
These are the sweet graduates who
stand ED in the month of roses and read
charming essays On "The Real and
Ideal, "lfo as it Should Be-" Gre
IorinH,' and other practical subjects,
and who iHn from admiring teachers,
to whom they have listened with tears in
their mock serious eyes, to say in a low
tone aside, He's giving rs tatfy, girls"
and who christon everything that does
not please hem Is snlde.
Mr.. and Mrs. Topnnody were gettin1
ready to - out to cal on u friend the
other evening, and Mrs. T., desiring to
look well, was arrIying herself in II
great variety OF colorS. Topnoody no
ticHc II ana began TO comment. Said
he; "Mrs. Topu ody, think woman
of yolr a, ,e ought to wear more subdued
cclors."
"Nh do rou"' was the response.
"What would y"r suggest as beconl ing
to your angel wIf 20
81 think Il black dress is simple, taste
tul and always becoming"
"Indeed?'
Yes, iEGted,"
"WelI, then, Topnoody, suppo,c you
de and leave me a widow, s, that
an wear the color You think most be-
rUming - me-. OF course, you cl.'t
see me IN it, but it would be such
/. pleasure and comfort 70 me to
know that ! was pleasing my poor,
lear, dead husband" Thtl Mrs Top.
moody smiled in such a very satisfied
way ttat Topnocdr concluded his sag.
5es'ions we're possibly TOE previous and
le husiad himse.f tying MS ne ntir,
while Mrs. Toploody Distributed the
a.nbow tints as she :'Nea 'ed
Some people can invent awful maan
"urs. Wien the Jenkins girl was
away AZ tie piano ami pestered
he neXt-duor naighbCr, the uaXt.door
l"ighbor calu" out TO the steps, listened
0 le noise Il nIIlutr, looked up ~ the
Jenkins girls mother, who was at the
and sid, "uot plumbers at
work in your lopEe, haven't you 2"
10 wonder those families don't speak
luW.
"What is your age >" asked a f..end |
t Mme. Dec. ;he other evening
'Thirty.one," promptly replied the
air S,.pu;,a. "Dn, whore do You
Xpect 10 20 when you dieo" gasps
mother lady. 81 am thirty four, and
ou told Inc asst "inler with your own
ips, that } on We're just my age, my
,ve. 81 know md, dearest, DuJ II
vas only to console you.
Li,tlc Johnny mad been caught by hi,
unit teasing Y ,iy. "JohnLy,' sad
Ae "-npposin4 Sono great beast, Il
lOhSltd ti,neS bigger thau you self
loulH ca you al. up?' 81 hope" sal
ohnny, "he'd feel IN bad as / do wlen
swallow fly
Sunday School teachar-"My dear
hildlcn, can yau tell why Abraham
id rot sacrifice his son isaac as -
Atcudel to do? Which Of yon can Z, q
It correct answer" Finally the son
wealthy hu cher says:-'l know,
ecause h" was not fat enough"
A man called on, to his creditor,
Get out, you ornitL)rphvnchus!" The
ian derdrt"d meck!y "WhO'5 that"
Iquircd y trlcnd Of the SPEAKER Gan
rlilborhyhcns.' "'1ov S thar" "Well
Webster defines him ASH d beast with Il
ill.,.
"If iLe red haired and surint-eyed
oman who sis under one ul the gal
'lies, wearing u green shawl, and q
.rpe yellow tl,wer in hcr LouucG, ,do>n't
op taking" said the preaChr, "she
ill Ie pnintcd out to Jue consresa-
on.
The S>M .hern Hurrtcnoe.