The Mankato free press. [volume] (Mankato, Blue Earth County, Minn.) 1879-1924, 1881-07-15
WAIrS.
Oh, the tiny little ants.

How they Chamber up our pants
At the picnic meath tho willows IN the gienI
How they seem u take delight In
| The nbnOxi MIs sport 1T b'ttn'
Indcfensih.e and modest " ntlenoni
The man who had an elephant on his
hands has had them ampuistcti.
Matthews youngest daughter asked
her sister for new pen. which the lat
ter refused her. "O',!" cried the child.
'.you arc mcnner this year than you
were lastr' why. Of course. IL. .
year older"
"Everything l touch. drops" said
Mrs. farley. rs her fork fell on the
floor. Mr.. farley replied: Il wish you
would touch the price Of beef" ~ he
reached for piece Of steak that cost
20 cents a pound.
Two Now England friends were walk
ing by gallows. when the elder one
asked the other: where would you DO
IL that tree bore its proper fruitp"
Travelling alone. SIR" was the imme-
diate reply.
he has planted ton acres with old to-
mato cans. He expects the ground
will produce u heavy crop Of canned
tomatoes.
Tommy went fishing the other day
without permission Of his mother. Next
morning q neighbours son met him.
and asked: Ibid you catch any thing
yesterday, Tommy" mot till I got
home" was the rather sad response.
1t is no uncommon thing to see the
boy who Is SO lame 1t almOst gives him
the lOckjaw u 90 after bucket Of
water slip out the back way and run
the bases in u gamo Of ball at the ratio
of forty miles an hour.
Henderson was at the theatre the 9TH
or night. ut was burlesque, q take
off. wasn't itP' asked Smith. "Yes,"
said Henderson. 'that's what II was,
guess. They had taken of about every.
thing they dared TO-" 1.f
The cigarette vice: ''Do you know.
Mr.. Smith," asked Mrs. S.. In reprOv.
ing way. "that that cigarette is hurting
you; that it il your enemys" ''Yes."
replied Smith, calmly ejecting Aeecy
cloud; "yes, know it, and I'm trying
to smoke the rascal out"
young HUSBAND House cleaning
means for the women to tie towels
around their heads and run the men in
to the street without breakfast every
morning for a week or 80, while they
break lamps and spill whitewash on the
stairs.
A prize show of parrots was held in
the north of England. After many
others had been brought forward In
front of the judges, one bird, on hsving
its cover removed. won the prize by &C
clamation. Looking around ON the
company In which it had been 90 sud-
denly introduced, it exclaimed, ,''By
JOve! what u lot of parrotsr'
Il do believe, Mr.. Hetfelspin." said
his wife, ''that you mean to kill me
with your everlasting conundrums.
Why is feline sitting up straight like
Niagara You knew ! couldn't guess
it." well. / tell you." rejoined Hef-
felspin; because 1t Is cat erect"
Mrs. Heffelspin pulled down her spec
tacles and started for the broom, but
Heffelspiu had business down town just
then.
Said q prim teacher to the class in
composition; make arhyming c0uplst
including tho words nose. toes. corn.
kettle, ear, two and boil" There was
silence fol- little while. and then . boy
held up his hand in token Of success.
..Read the couplet," said the teacher.
and the boy read: ..i rrt-.
"A boil In the kettles worth two ON your nose,
And a corn On the ear Is worth two On your
toes"
A prominent citizen of Austin was
being propelled homeward by . faith
full cOlOred scrvant late one night last
week, when they suddenly came to .
halt. .'Whassher matter nOwe" asked
the prominent citizen. ''Dar's . man
dead drunk on de sidewalk" 'Gimme
lamp post ter hold up. and you dragsh
off miserable drunken beasht BY his
legsh."