The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-10-05
PASSING SMILES.

The person who does nothing In this
world is 0y.
MARRIAGE makes the mantle woman
was maid before.
A WESTERN paper informs It's readers
! that its candidate for Congress sings the
most eloquent lip of man in the State.
A DOWNTOWN physician reports bust
ness " terribly dull considering the state
Of the markets. - Kingston freeman.
THE farmer sowed the golden grain,
And sewed the farmers daughter;
For soon she'd soda water.
In is said that Ohio wives do their
own homework Now, that is the kind
of an no hire idea we hks.-Yo1aker8
Statesman.
HANcoCK's father wanted him to learn
the printers trade Had he done so, In
stead Of being West Pointer he might
have been a setter. s
"'TIs sweet to dye for those we love,
exclaimed a young man when his best
girl asked him why he didn't wear o
black instead of light mustache.
TIE animal carries his tail at the op-
posite extremity from his head; a man
carries his tale in his mouth. And thus
does many a man make both ends med
IT islearned from the Salt Lake Herald
that Calico discovered Limberger cheese
floating through space In 1909, and made
an entry In his diary at the time that he
thought it in very poor state of pre-
servation.
SMITH says: "My wife, who has just
read that it takes a Japanese girl thir-
teen hours to dress for party has sent
to Japan to know how she does it. She
can't occupy more than four, for the life
of her."
As they were about to hang an Irish
man In London, one of his friends who
had come to witness the ceremony, cried:
81 always told you you would come to
this!" "And you have always lied
have not GOMEZ was brought"
A GENTLEMAN who possessed an imita-
ton rat tobacco pouch, thought he would
enjoy the nervous shock of a friend by
placingit where his friends eye would see
it suddenly. He was much mortifedwhen
the friend quietly took it up, helped him
self, and then passedit about till the con-
tents were gone.
civilian, you have again come up
unprepared!" eyes, sir. g But from
what cause?" "Laziness, sir. " "John-
son, give William good mark for up
rightness." FBates, you proceed. " ST
have notprepared too, sir. - But why
not?' ''From laziness, sir. " johnson,
give Bates bad mark for plagiarism!''
The young Positivists are multiplying.
Passing a group of children the other
evening, we heard little girl of dramatic
turn of mind remark to little boy per- |
suasively, CHOW, you are bad angel, |
aren't you?' Ono, T" was the rdogmatic |
rejoinder, IT amt a bad angel and [ amt |
good angel There's no such things as |
angels, anyway"
A BACKwOoDS preacher once elucidated |
as follows in connection with the parable |
of the virgins: Gin ancient times, my
beloved hearers, it was the custom,
after couple had been married, for ten
virgins to go out with lighted lamps and
meet 'em on the way home, five of these
virgins being males and five females. -
Buffalo Express.
JONES is proud of his wife, and with
reason, for Mrs.. Jones is pretty as well
rs smart. She was lecturing on temper
ance reform, and got naturally worked
mp as she rehearsed the many things
that should be done, but which nobody
seemed ready to do. "Oh dearw she
Il L i 4
1biecti" exclaimed Jones, rising from his
Ieat It brought down the house.
WE'VE often heard tell how the great and the
George gan his career with a hafchet;
And, since when boy, about three-ten we stood.
We've looked for yarn that would match it,
And we've got it at last-we thought that we
hen gins her life with hatch, yet
'he disoounteth George, for sure there's no one
Say be closed, like she, with hatchet i
n -0H City Derrick.
CULTURE She-''Of course you went
o Monsieur Remains lecture on Marcus
Aurelius?" He-''No, didn't. Who's
Marcus Aurelius?" She - "Why, q
Roman Emperor, to be sure, and a
toic!" He Haw-what's a stoic?"
Shea stole? Well, at all events,
Marcus Aurelius was one-at least he
idn't go SO far as most stoics." He
8 Didn't he? How far do they go?" She
3 What a ridiculous question: Col
apse of conversation.
sour hearts, our thoughts, our very
BEINGS grow tender with age" said the
pastor, thoughfully. .'Yes," said the
lew boarder, with passionate CLEAN of !
Intelligence in his mild, blue eyes, "but
hen we are not hens" Nobody laughed
cry much except the landlady. She !,
eemed to enjoy it Immensely, but when
he pudding was brought in it was
lOticed that the new boarder got all the n
rust and none of the ssdope," so it was
generally thought that Mrs. McKerrel
ad dissembled. N