The Osceola times., 1881-10-22
WAYS or TIE WORLD.

thirsty - Jersey mosquitoes.
ACAxApA farmer discovered a plf con.
tAining 800 skulls. Must have been the
site Of come ancient theater, 10 have 80
many deAd'hsAds In the pit.
Ak article announcing the decease OF q
person, says; His remains were COM
mitted TO that bourne whence noiraveler
returns accompanied by his friends"
THE man who treats and goes away.
Can stand a treat some other day
But he who treats and then re-treatsi
-' y ' -oG c,,g Dorios
"HE. "Did YOU read my last poem?
She. ayes; it was simply perfect"
He. "0h. come now, Won know, no.
thing is perfect in this world"
She. "Oh, yes-nonsense is
SHERIDAN, answer to Lord Iauderdsle
was excellent, on the latter saying he
would repeat some good thing Tom
Moore had mentioned TO him: Pray
don't, my dear Lauderdale a joke in
your mouth is no laughing matter
rs THIS my train?" asked a traveller
at the Grand Central depot Of lounger
II don't know was the reply; II see it's
got the rame Of some railroad company
an the side, and expect il belongs to
them. Have you lost train anywhere"
New YORK Herald: A lady in Four.
teenth street store, while cossipine with
another on Friday, said: "Well, she may
say that have not been away for the
summer, but I've saved enough money
for the handsomest sealskin cloak on
the block; then who'll crow"
Ar q banquet the late John Brougham
was seated next TO Coroner Croker. A
toast was proposed, and Brougham ask
ed the coroner what he should drink it
in. "Claret," said the coroner. "Claret ~
was the reply; that's no drink for coro.
ner. There's no body in it,"
The ex.Empress Eugenie is said TO
have never recovered from the loss of
her son. She lives quietly and almost
alone, taking no interest in external
events or persons. She passes most of
her time in darkened room, and Of
French politics she never speaks.
A SoorcH minister went up to Edin.
burgh once TO prepare harmony OF
the four gospels. SANDY" said some
one to an humble parishioner of his,
"where is your PASTOR" "Ah," replied
Sandy, hes gone up TO Edinburgh to
make four men agree who never fell
out"
GoTSG home from church she remark
ed to her husband: "Did you notice that
bald headed man in front Of us, and how
young he looked? i never saw anyone
no young before with bald head" Then
he shut her up by replying "My dear,
was bald-headed before | was year
old"
A STORY is told Of an old gentleman
who always took notes OF his minister 3
sermons, and on one occasion read them
TO the minister himself. "Stop stop ~
said he, at the occurrence of certain
sentence, Il didn't say that,""I know
you didn't" was the reply; 81 put that
In TO make sense"
Turks at French banquet: Toward
the conclusion of the feast, a Frenchman
selected a toothpic k from tray lying
near him. and politely passed the recep-
tacle to his neighbor, who declined his
offer, exclaiminr; "No. thank you
have already eaten two of those things,
and want no more"
A MONUMENT 10 Victor Hugo is to be
erected in his island home Guernsey by
the inhabitants. who are much attached
10 him, IL was to Guernsey that the
novelist dedicated his ''Toilers Of the
Sea"-"that small portion Of Norman
ground, severe yet kind, my present
asylum, perhaps my tomb"
SoME Christians remind one Of an old
chaplain who used to say his form OF
grace according to the character Of the
fare placed before him. IL it was a
family dinner. he said; "For what we
are going to receive" If he saw the
long glasses which foretold some spark.
ling beverage, he would begin: "Bounti.
ful Jehovah. JONES Pd.n.
IS primary school, not very long
ago, the teacher undertook to convey 10
her pupils an idea of the use Of the by.
phen. She wrote on the blackboard
'bird's.nest,' and pointing to the hy-
phen, asked the school, "What is that
for?" After short pause, young son
of the Emerald isle piped ont please
ma'am, for the bird TO roost on"
A DEADwoop man saw another reach
for his hip pocket, thought the fellow
meant to draw revolver on him. and 81
shot him dead Then he found that the
man WAS a out to draw flask TO treat
him, and he much regretted his hasty
act. But, he remarked, that the last
wishes of the deceased should be carried
out, and 80 he took a drink from th,
flask.
A MAN bought gallon of gin to TAX,
home, and. ty the way of label, wrot,
his name upon card, which happene,
n. = .l.,l.. ...I "a a.
the handle. A friend, coming along, and
observing the jug, quietly remarked
That's an awful careless way you leay,
that liquor" "Why?" said Tom. "Be
cause somebody might come along Will
the eight of clubs and take IT,"
WE read in the Post UiYldtch that
President Arthur has stiff backhon,
and an abundance of malice hidden he
hind his lum tum English whiskers.
ANYBODY anxious 10 initiate Guiteau. BY
putting bullet through Arthur's verte
bral column, will do well to take note OF
this important fact-that his back khone
is hidden behind his ''lum tum' whis
kers. That is the last place anybody
would look for it.-Rfp.
HENRY NJ. STANLEY, the African eX-
plorer, who at one time was reported To
be dead, has been heard from. Under
date of July Ith, he writes from the
Congo river, that during May he was so
III that he despaired Of recovering, but
the crisis having passed, he is now well
and hearty. His purpose is to continue
his explorations, though lie is engaged
in road-building, so that the interior OF
Africa can be opened up 10 trade from
the coast, at the month of the Congo
river.