The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1881-05-19
A Novelist In Trouble.

Judge" said a man, entering a
Cleveland Courtroom, II want di-
vorce."
'From whom?" asked the Judge.
'From my wife of course, Yov don't
suppose that want q divorce from my
father or mother, do you? 1 thought
not. I have enough legal grounds to
make field of litigation. am an out
ragged man. I came to ask your advice
and get you to recommend lawyer. ALI
Judges know which lawyer can give
them the hardest pull. just name the
man and I'll employ him. No? Well
I'll relate the case and get your opinion:
One morning about two months ago,
while reading newspaper, my attention
was attracted by startling headlines an
nouncing that beautiful young lady
had attempted to commit suicide. A
letter written by the young lady was
contained in the article. Here it is. I'll
read it," and the man took a printed
slip from his pocket and read as fol.
lows:
Eyes, have determined to commit
suicide. I have worked with all the
ardor of young heart, but to no pur.
pose. I have Stunned every temptation ;
have washed the clothes of the gay and
happy; have done all kinds of honest
labor, but am not respected any more
than the feathery, painted agents of in
iQuitOus dens. l am too honest to live.
am too sensitive to meet the licentious
eyes of those who call themselves Chris
tians. My heart is as pure as the first
buds of spring, and my life has been as
spotless as the winding sheet of st. Paul.
Then who can blame me for ending a
life in its purity? What minister of the
abused gospel can look upon my coffin
and say she who has taken her own life
cannot enter the kingdom of Heaven?
1 have not taken my life, but have re
turned it,"
"Now, judge" said the visitor when
he had finished reading, lit is letter
that would catch any old bachelor. l
read it over twice and said to myself:
That is the kind OF woman who would
suit me- I read the close Of the article
again. Here it is. I've keptit: When
found the young lady was lying on bed
in boarding house. She was uncon-
scious. Her face bore no traces of pain,
but wore sweet smile of resignation.
The attending physician said that she had
taken laudanum, but that he hoped, with
skillful treatment, to resuscitate her-to
fan into flame the smoldering embers
of life so pure and eminently useful
I was so struck Judge, by the whole af-
fair, that next day called at the board
house and learned that the young lady
was much better. l sent in my card with
q message that would call the next day.
l called, and found the young lady sit
ting up. She received me with q sad
smile. 1 was very much impressed with
her. Her voice was as sweet as an or
chestra when the musicians seem to be
softly reaching back to childhood men,
Dries; and her face was as serene as the
waters in summer when they seem to lay
for moment under the shade of bend
ing tree before resuming their course in
the SUM-"
Estate your case," said the Judge.
1.-THE waters of metaphor and law glide
together but short distance and then
split by the wedge-shaped rock OF prac-
81 am stating the case, but I must use
my own language. 1 am novelist. l
wrote the ="
"Never mind what you wrote; go on.
I am interested in your case"
II loved the girl. worshipped her,
and when. after few weeks acquaint-
ance, put my arm around her and drew
her pure life close to life that has seen
many rugged storms, felt that electric
ity which only comes from batteries OPP
Grated by angels. She would marry me,
and the angelic fingers fell in pearly
showers on the electric machine. She
would marry me Immediately, and again
D shower Of pearly fingers fell. We
l took her to my home, my
where we lived joyously, in
direct communication with the wire
from the pearly fingers. Last night the
circuit closed and the electricity ceased
Darling said, how fortunate for
me that you attempted to kill yourself.
Yes SIZE said, and how successful
I was. for 1 had tried it several times be-
fore in the East and failed!
"'Tried what?' asked eagerly.
""Tried the dodge. Why, Bill, haven't
YOU got sense enough to know that it was
only an advertisement? Catch me killing
myself, will you? / paid that doctor go
for his part of the game, and together
we played OF on the newspaper"
i've related the facts" continued the
novelist, after short pause. land want
Q divorce rapidly"
"Any more facts?" asked the Judge.
None, only that my wife took all my
money and ran awav this morning with Q