Connecticut western news., 1881-10-26
WIT AND WISDOM.

J WIT AND WlSUUMs
 A GOOD motto for the ice man-Just ice to whom just ice is due.
 WHAT dreary-looking thing pile of election tickets must be to @ defeated candidate.
 SOME men swear off others off and on; and others, again, pretty much everywhere. s--...
 THE clam has Q larger mouth in pro- portion to it's size than a human being, yet clam never talks about its neigh Dor.
 ''SN Girls" is the title of the latest novel. It is expected that sequel en- titled "Our Broken Gate" will be issued soon.
 WHEN two emperors meet it is as when two railroad trains meet. The event usually means calamity to the public. ,.-s F..
 AMONG the things declared not patent able at Washington is a chalk line drawn around food to preserve it from insects.
 A BOOT and shoe shop hangs out sign: Coast iron lasts" We all know it does, but we don't want any boots made of 1t.
 Foaa scores one: "I have come to the conclusion" said Brown, "that the less man knows the happier heis." "Allow me to congratulate you, Brown" said Fogg.
 1 LADY lodger-"Your dog, sir, is un- bearable. He howls all night" Male lodger-'Indeedl We'll, he might do worse than that he might play the piano all day." ~. i
 SOME persons make trouble, some give trouble, and others still simply borrow trouble. They are all disagree able, and it IS hard to say which is the most disagreeable. A PoET1oA1 farmer: "Blessings bright en as they take their flght-and so do the summer visitors" remarked farmer Jones, as he saw the last of his city re- lations skip for home.
 stTRN hours or no sawdust" is in- scribed on the banners of party of striking sawmill employees at Muske- gon, Mich, who object to working eleven hours and half per day.
 Is LIFE worth livingp "It makes no difference when man dies," remarked Brown in an augumentative way. "Very true" replied Fogg; "therefore prefer to die when am very old" A MAN who indulged in little spree Saturday night was heard to remark sorrowfully yesterday morning, "What mighty smart man I'd be if only had 8 ittlesense, says the OH City Derrick.
 A FASHIONABLE article informs us that circulars will be fashionable this fall and winter. So we may expect to have them showed into our hands, just as they l have been all summer. Boston Trd,a- l script.
 A FRENCH writer remarks: eff lady says to you, T can never love you,' wait little longer; all hope Is not lost But if she says, No one has more sim cere wishes for your happiness than l. take your hat"
 THE Chinese Government is going to build some railroads, and soon will be heard in the land the voice of the Celes- tial breakman: "Hooppee Yang-tze- kian junction Tlain stoppee ten min utes eatee and dlinkee l" A POINT: There is something radically wrong about our professions when pious minister only gets forty cents for joining a couple and wicked lawyer receives forty dollars for untying the same. Yonkers Statesman. A SOUTH END man found a covered basket on his steps the other day. But he had family enough and would not touch it, and went and got an officer to come and remove it, and the officer found it contained watermelon.
 SLIGHT mistake: Somebody went to music teachers room while he was out and put cat with her tail in a steel trap. And of course the cat complained and everybody said: "Goodness, he must have girl in there practicing grand opera"
 WAITER (to eminent artist, who is stopping in the hoteD: "We had har- tis' stoppin' 'ere once, sir, and he cut without payin' is bill" B. A.: "In- l deed! But are you sure he was an ar- tist?" Waiter: ooh, yes, sir, quite sure. In fact, e painted our signl"
 A COUPLE of lawyers engaged in case were recently discussing the issue. "At all events," said the younger and more enthusiastic, ''we have justice on our side." To which the older and warier replied, "Quite true; but what we want is the chief justice on our side."
 SAID the teacher: "'And it came to pass, when King Hezekiah heard it, that he rent his clothes.' Now, what does that mean, children, 'he rent his clothes P" Up went little hand. "Wen, if you know, tell us" "Please, ma'am," said the child, timidly, "I s'pose he hired lem out"
 CONSCIENTIOUS guard: elm afraid, sir, the young lady can't be permitted to travel on half ticket; she is much over twelve years of age l" Irate Papa: