Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1881-07-15
f II ~
Two Old Inhabitants on the Weather.

Two Old Inhabitants on the Weather.
ssSome folks seems to think this is warm
weather." observed old Daddy Wother
spoon to old Uncle Linkenbotham, as the
two old inhabitants stood, last Thursday,
before thermometer that registered nine
ty in the shade Pears to me twas worse
than this in the May of 'twenty-eight,
wasn't it?'
"a heap worse" assented old Uncle
Linkinbotham, ''but that WASH It as bad as
the May of twenty-five. You remember
how the tin roofs melted and run off the
houses, and we had to carry wrought steel
umbrellas through the streets?"
deed [ do,'' rejolned old Daddy Woth
erspoon, hopping his visage with some
anxiety. 81 was out hunting that spring,
and we had to carry our powder in buck
cts of water to keep it from going off pre-
maturely. Wasn't that the spring the hams
fried on live hogs and the bills melted off
the snow birds?"
''The same spring" said old Uncle Link
inbotham. II know I was off fishing in
Long Island Sound, and the heat genera
ted the water into steam, so as to blow our
boat clear over into the woods. That
month was pretty warm, for [ recollect
how the forest out back OF East New
York melted down. and had stream of
liquid kindlings running right through my
farm. One of my boys took a swig of it
one day by mistake, and when he died in
the fall We found him choke full of splint
ers. Killed him.
Eyes, yes. murmured old Daddy Woth-
erspoon, streaming at every pore. eve
used to hang meat and vegetables down my
we'll, and they was cooked in ten minutes
by the watch, y and the ancient gentleman
regarded his antagonist with some tri-
umph.
1--WE tried that" said Uncle Linkeboth
am. "but the heat melted the wires the
grub was hung on, and the works of the
clock run all over the floor, so we couldn't
tell how long it did take to cook, and we
used ice water to do our billing with.
"Where'd you get your ice?" demanded
old Daddy Wotherspoon, tying hand
kerchief around his head to keep his ears
warm.
1--WE just poured water On the fire, and
the fire was so much cooler than the at
mosphere that the water froZe in min
ute. That's how we got our ice. Don't
you want to go and drink something to
warm you up ~
''If we can get little good old brandy,
I'd like it," replied old Daddy Wother-
spoon, with pale lips and clenched fist.
s'I'll take some proof brandy"
''Come along, then,'' retorted old Uucle
Linkinbotham, contemporary. "You
may be able to stir your blood with that
tipple, but this weather, and the recollec-
lions of May, TWENTY-FIVE, makes me
want some hot spiced rum and fur over
coat. Tomorrow Pm agoing to put on
extra fannels.'
And the two old liars almost killed
themselves that afternoon with hot drinks
rather than admit that the Almighty could
do things as we'll now as He did when
they were oys-Brooklyn Eagle.
s'Ah, good That'll do! It is all right"
somewhat inquisitively remarked Mr..
Groggins, laying down the revised New
Testament. 81 see they have not altered
it. was afraid they would change the
passage where Timothy is urged to take
little wine for his stomach sake and oft
intirmities, by substituting lemonade or
sarsaparilla for wine, and that would have
robbed US moderate drinkers of the prac-
tice Of quoting the Bible to prove that
there is no harm in taking nip now and
then. The revisers deserve great credit
for their thouohtfulness. And he went
out to see man.
The Danville News" tell the following
good anecdote: "One of the most origi-
nal dissolution notices that we recollect
ever to have seen was copied from the door
of blacksmith shop in this county,
(where it had been posted, and handed us
by Danville friend. Here it is:
s'NOTIs.-Ie copartnership heretofo re-
sisting twixt me an Nose Skinner is hereby
resolved. Dem whar ows de firm will set
tie wild me, an dem what the firm ow will
settle wild Nose Skinner
Worth says not one woman in ten knows
how to sit down on a dress. lie means
her own, Of course. Any woman can sit