The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-01-20
SOME SCOTTISH HUMoR.

"A minister's man." one Of class of whom
Indeed, many stories are told was following the
minister from the manse to the kirk one Sabbath
Hternoon' when the minister glanced back per-
ceived smile on the face OF his old attendant
What makes you laugh. JamesP It ia unseen.
ly What is there to amuse your
"Oh, naething particular" says James; IT was
only thinking o. something that happened thia
forenoon"
What is thatH Tell me what It was"
"Weel, minister dinna be angry wi me; but ye
ken the congregation here are whiles ma pleased
to get Ould sermons fra yoH and this morning.
got the better of the kirk session ony way"
And how was that Jamie2' says the minister
Deed sir, when we came out O. the kirk this
forenoon, kenned what Ghey were thinking, and
says l, Eh, but you Gamma ca that an anld ser.
mon this day, for it's not abune sax weeks since
you heard 1t lastl"
Dr. McLead was proceeding from the manse Of
D to church, to open q new place OF WOr.
Ihip. As he passed slowly and graVely through
the crowd gathered about the doors an elderly
man, with the peculiar kind OF wig konWn In
that district-bright, smooth and OF reddish
brown-RCcosted him.
Doctor, If you please wish to speak to you
well, Duncan" says the venerable doctor-it
was, we believe, the father Of the we.known
Scottish minister of our own day-"Well, Duncan,
can you not wait till after worship p
mo, doctor, | must speak to you now, for It isR
matter upon my conscience"
"Oh, since 1t is matter Of conscience tell me-
what 1t Is but be brief Duncan, for time passes
THE matter is this, doctor. Ye see the clock
yonder, on the face Of the new church. WelII
there is no clock really there; nothing but the
facs Of a clock. There is no truth In 1t, but only
once in twelve hours. Now 1t is in my mind very
wrong and quite against my conscience, that
there should be lie on the face Of the houso Of
the Lord"
Duncan, l will consider the point But am
glad to see you looking so well you are not so
young now remember you for many years, and
what fine head of hair you still have"
"Eh, doctor you are joking now 1t ls long
since had any hair
"Oh, Duncan, Duncan, are you going into the
house of the Lord with lie upon your head ?"
This, says the story, settled the question: and
the doctor heard no more Of the lie on the face Of
the clock.
Grotesque and ludicTous producing the eheCtOf
humor without being humorous-this is often
the characteristic Of Scottish humor. At a time
when many of the poor In Scotland had scarcely
any notion Of food but oatmeal, q gentleman ask.
ed boy one day If he did not tire OF porridge
The boy looked up sstOnlshed saying:
"Wad ye hae me mo- like my meati'
And so we read Of q wee lsddie interrogatIng
his mother:
"Mlther will we hse tea tae our breakfast the
morn2"
"Ay laddie, If we're spared"
IAN If we're no spared, mither, will we only
hae parritch ~
A Scotchwoman who had accompanied her mis-
tress to Ireland, being j9ered by an Irishman on
her unmarried condition, replied in the predesI .
marian phlaseology peculiar to her class.
"Im truly thankful that man was ma ordainit
to me, for maybe be might have been like your.
SELL"
1t was to Jock Amos an old wife said one day
"John how suld will ye beH' They had been
talking Of their ages.
"0h, dnna ken" said John, ut would take
a wiser head than mine to tell you that"
ut is uncOqueer that ye dinna ken how auld
ye are"
"I ken well enough how aud am, 4" said John I,
"but dinna ken how auld III be-"