South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1881-06-24
WIT ND HUmoR.


have to go to town
We'll, We must get along some way;
we can do without until get through
with my rush. l can't stop my teams
now you know the good book says if
we do not SOW we cannot reap
john she says the next day, 'we
are out OF coffee, rs we'll as sugar, and
you will have to go TO town you know
you can't do without your coffee
We'll, we must get along some way
until | get through with my work.
We can do-let's see can't YOU go ovs
or to Mrs. Riddleberger's and borrow
some until / get time ?
The next day John said TO the hir.
cd man:
Biiley, gimme chew of your to.
bacco; I'm out
Wish could, but l was just going
to ask you for a chew replied Billy.
We'll, declare, said John. sWelP
Billy, Pve got to go to town, there's no
use 10 talk. We are out Of groceries
John stops amachine, takes tea m
and goes to town for groceries.
That milk isprctty blue, landlord
Don't understand it, sir; my cow is
wellfed, mill; her myself, and | don't
put water in the milk We'll, the
weather has been quite wet and |
reckon the COW needs shingling; that's
about it,
The Kind Of Fellow lie Was.-
~ very heightened looking young
man, i'll exquisite mustache, loud plaid
clothes, red ncclitie, Iow-crowncd hat.
straw'colorcd kids and knitting nee
die cane, walked into tobacco shop,
and throwing down haIf-dollar on
the counter, said: 'Wcll, this is the
worst town | ever saw gentleman
can't get anything in it satisfactory,
and am utterly unable to see how
a person of fastidious taste can live
here. | say, Mr.. Shoplleoper, can you
sell Il fellow decent cigar?
Yes, sir said the cigar man, meek
ly.
We'll, then, fly around lively and
do it. Don't you see that hali,dolar?'
Yes, sir. What kind Of cigar
dc you wish, SIR?
what lind2'
Yes, sir
why, look at me, sir, n moment.
and see for yourself what kind of a
cigar would suit me- and he drew
hlmseifup grandly and gaz cd down
ON the shopkeepor.
The shopkecpcr looked, ami then
took in the hali-dollar, got out CT.
gar, landed ii to the man, with 80 eta.
change, and said 4 owe you u halt
cent, sir, but l can't make the change
unless you take another cigar
The nice young man looked ut the
shopkeeper and then at the cigar, and
then at himself, and, without u siugle
word, walked out OF the shop.
a troupe of wandering musicians
were once playing before n country
hotel. At the end OF thcpicce one of
the members left the group, approach
ed the leader Of tho band and pulled
out little paper box which he emp
tied into his left hand, while the eyes
OF the leader followed every move
ment. Then he took plate in his
right hand & passed lit around. There
was large collection, but every one
wondered what hc held in his left
hand. why, it's very simple said
the ctict when questioned, we are all
subject to temptation, but to be sure
OF the fidelity OF our collector we obl;ec
him 10 hold five flies IN his left hand,
and we count these first when he re-
turns, 50 as to make sure Of the mon.
cy.'-French Anecdote.
The following comes from CHICAGO
paper: "We took new reporter on
'rial yesterday. lie vent out 10 hunt
itoms,& after being away all day, return
ed with tho following. which lac said was
the best he could do: Yesterday we
saw q sight that f-oze our muscles with
horror. a hackman. driving down Clark
street at rapid pace, came very near
running over n nurse and two children.
There would have been one Of the most
boart-rcuding catas!rophos ever recorded,
had not tho nurse, with wonderful foro-
thought, LEFT the children al home before
enc went cut and proyi3on'ially stepped
into q drugstore just before tho hack
passed. Then, too, the hackman, just
before reaching the crossing, thought Of
something tina! lie had forgotten, and
turning about, drove in tho opposite die
rec.ion. Had IL not been for THE won.
dcrful concurrence OF fayoriDg circum-
stance, doung father, loving mother.
end aGccliousto brothers and sislcrs.
would have been plunged into The dcop.
est woe ond most ununcrablo funeral
USIcraCa' Tho uow repgrt.r will bg