Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-01-05
FUNNYGRAPHS.

COAL has not naturally capacity for
breeding rows in families. The trouble
is usually owing to it's bringing up.
ALL swell that ends swells-The ONLY
thing to which "swell % is of any use
is an organ.-- FIN.
If thine enemy revile thee, reviIe
not again. Present him with guinea
hen.
SPREAD yourself, brother; but don't
spread yourself too thin. Too many
flats IN the world already Boston Tran
script.
WHEN one sees man thrown from his
saddle over the head of horse, he must
recognize the power behind the thrown.
Orleans Picayotaae.
The Boston Courier calls loves Young
dream nightmare Wouldn't a night
filly be more poetical-NeaO York Com
maerci0I ADVERTISER.
IT is considered lawful for clergymen
to exchange pulpits on Sabbath day,
but it would not look well for them to
swap jack-knives.
WE see an article in the papers about
boy inventors. We hope they will in
vent boy who won't whistle through
IlAo 1IhS5CIc yen OA tIc SlIOCtS dL
night. Cincinnati Saturday Night.
A NEW book is out called Chow to
Draw and Paint. There are lots of
actresses who can paint frst-rate; but
they do not draw worth cent-Neac
Orleans Picayune.
"CoME right into the house, children"
shouted Mrs. Shuttle. ''You are max
ing more noise and uproar than session
of congress. What do you suppose the
thinks?'
ONE of the grandest pleasures in tar
get shooting consists in the fact that the
target can't shoot back.-BOstop Tran
script. And that it has so little occasion
to.-NeaU Haven Register.
YOUNG sportsman wants to know:
"What is the best kind of dog for me
to buy % A dead one, Sporty, and have
it buried the same day you buy it
Keokuk GATE CITY.
s'L1NKED for Life is how the SYRIA
cuse Standard heads a marriage notice.
How forcibly this reminds us of Byron's
beautiful line. 81 saw two sausages in
the hues of Youth. "-NeaO York Com
Advertiser.
A YOUNG lady, having read about
man who invented a stove which will
its own smoke, hopes he will
next devise a method whereby tobacco
smokers can be run on the same econom-
lcal principles.
EMMA ABBOTT tells a st. Louis re-
porter that the stage kiss is ''cold, dim,
pale phantom-unsatisfac elusive,
and empty" Miss Abbott ought to sub
stitute H0aUkeye reporter for that
tenor. Il there is anything the staff of
this paper Can throw soul into, it is a
radiant kiss. Haaokeye.
We had to avoid meeting our enemy
yesterday. We had friend with us who
would grab our coat-tails, and hold us
back as We started to annihilate the
wretch, but there was nobody there to
very embarrassing for him. So, out OF
consideration for his feelings, we avoided
him.-Bost02 Post.
A GALVESTON darksy entered a law
yer's office and asked for private con
sultation. He then stated he wanted a
suit brought against his wife for divorce.
g On what grounds?' asked the lawyer;
GO on account of infdelity?'' "Yas,
boss; you hit it fust pop. She goes to
prar meetin' foah times week, an don't
get home till way late in de mite. Gal
UestOn Meas.
NEITHER of them was over 10 years old
One leaned against the fence and the
other rubbed his back against lamp
post, and they eyed each other for long
time. Then one of them said: ssMy
mother has got a new seal-skin sacque,
and yours haint ''I don't care" re-
piled the other, ''she frjzzes her hair
and uses paint. and that's just as tony
Detroit Free Press.
son dear p exclaimed d young lady,
public hall the other evening,
''what a dreadful odor of carburetted
hydrogen p ''Mun? ?" said the ianitor.
with a puzzled countenance. "The
smell of the carburetted hydrogen" she
explained. "That's no kind O. gin
replied the ianitor, sc that's
garse; the pipes is leaky, mum. Dos
ton transcript.
MONKEYS sometimes have a hard time
of it. An up-country farmer had one
which had tail about four feet long.
The monkey was very fond of running
the hay-cutter, and one day the hired
man, who doesn't like the monkey,
caught the animal asleep in the barn,
and tied hay all around its tail. And
when the monkey awoke and saw that
bunch of hay, he just went and started
it through the hay-cutter, and in about
half minute he got the idea that some
thing was wrong, and the way he left
the hay-cutter and flew up and down the.
beams and rafters of that barn and chat
tered was caution, and tickled the
friedman almost to death.
''MY 'sperience in dis life has taught
me dat de man who swaps mules wild his
eyes shut am sartin to git de wurst oh it.
feelin' goes a good ways in
case of sickness, or want, or death, but
it seldom reaches down to boss trade.
If I war buyin' a mule of man I had
Nnowed all my life should begin at de
noofs and look dat animile ober clear up
10 de point of his nose. I shouldn't spect
f0 foil 1ok1 he - Ill n