The Columbia herald. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 18??-1935, 1881-05-13


About twenty years ago, I think it
was; l won't be certain, though, q man
whose name, il remember correctly,
was William j.. Yancy-I write only
nom memory, and this was q long
time ago-took 8 strange and peculiar
notion that the sun rose in the east
and set in the west, and that the COM
pass pointed north and south. Now
everybody knew at the time that ii
was but the Idiosyncrasy of an Ufibal-
anced mind, and that the United
States of America had no north, no
south, no east, no west. Well, he be-
gan to preach the strange doctrine Of
there beng such q thing. He began
10 have followers. As you know, it
matters not how absurd, ridiculous and
perposterOus doctrines may be preach
ed, there will be some followers. Well,
one man by the name of Il think it
Wasl Rhett, said it out loud. He was
told to as-h-e-l-l.u Then another fellow
by the name II remember this one be-
cause it sounded like a graveyard
TOombs, said so, and he was told to
s,s-h-e-l-l." Then after a while whole
heaps of people began to say that they
thought that there was a north and a
south, and after awhile hundreds and
thousands and millions said that there
was south. But they were the per-
sons that lived in the direction that
the water courses run. Now the peo-
pie who lived where the water courses
started from came down to see about
u, and they said, "Gents, you are very
much mistaken. We came over in
the Mayfiower, and we used to burn
witches for saying that the sun rose
H. ,rfs ~
the sun neither rose nor set; the earth
simply turned on its axis, and we
know, because we are cropeared Pure
Otans.n The spokesman of the party
was named u think remember his
name because it always gave me the
hines when heard it, Horrors Greeley,
Rud another person by the name of
Charles Sumner, said there amt any
north or south, east or west. and you
shan't say so either. Now the other
people who lived in the direction that
the water courses run, Just raised their
brstles and continued saying that there
- q north and there Is a south. When.
thOseat the head of the water courses
came out furiously mad, to coerce
those in the direction that water cours-
e ran, and to make them take it back.
Well, they went to gouging and biting,
20 pulling and scratching at furious
rate. One side elected captain by
the name of JEFF Davis, and known as
one eyed JEFF, and a first lieutenant by
the name of Aleck Stephens, COM
monty styled smart Aleck. The other
side selected as captain, son of Nam
cy Hanks, of Bowling Green, and q
son of old BIB Lincoln, the faiI split-
ter, and whoa halne was Abe. When
be was a AQy he was called "A be
Hanks, butVhlu be became -of aGe he.
took the nalA<ssf his father, the rail-
splitter. Wei after he was elected
captain theE' kcted as first lieutenant
an fndividualif doubtful blodd, by the
name Of HAM bal Hamlin, being a de-
1cendant of tie generation of Ham,
the bad son ofold Noah who he went
20 curse blur but oyerdid the thing
and cursed IN black.
Well as Hsaid before, they went to
dghting, but old Abe's side got the
best of the argument. But in getting
che best of the argument they called
IN all the people and wise men of 9TH
eF nations Of the earth, and they, too,
said that America had no cardinal
Fioints, and that the sun did not rise in
the east aud set in the west and that
the compass did not point either north
or south,
Well, then captain JEFF Davis side
gave it up and quit, and they too went
70 saying that there is no north, no
south, no east, no west. Well, aus
boys" all took a small part in the fra
eus, and Shep, the prophet, remarked
that the day would come when those
who once believed that the American
eAnSnent had cardinal points, would
b ashamed to own it. That day has
arrived. America has no north, no
1oath, no east, no west the sun rises
OFar the hills and se,s over the noun
fadns, the compass just points up and
and down, and we can laugh now at
Che absurd notion of there being such
= thing as north and south.
Well, reader (Iet me whisper in your
earl I was in the row, and the follow
ing pages viii tell what part [ took in
the little unpleasant misconeeption of
there being such thing as a north
and q south.