Sacramento daily record-union. [volume] (Sacramento [Calif.]) 1875-1891, 1881-05-18
SIT STILL, SAD SOUL.

A Philadelphia saloon keeper reports
that but one of his customers has sworn
off this year, and that was a man he re-
fused to trust longer.
George Alfred Townsend claims rela-
tionship with George Eliot. With a deli
cacy that is as delightful as it was unex-
pected, he waited until she was dead.
-[Danbury News.
The reporters in Atlanta have to seek
news on stills, the streets are 80 bad. The
New York correspondent of the Philadel.
phia Times writes: 81 wish you could see
our streets-we can't.
Mrs. Barker says she believes it, now
believes that this is to be year of won
derful phenomena-for Barker went to a
Lodge meeting the other night and came
home SOBER Boston Globe.
Edison has dropped his electric light
and is now experimenting to see if COW
cannot be made to give ice cream by wrap
ping her in CONCEALED water before milk
Philadelphia Chronicle Herald
There is an Oil City boy who was sent
out collecting recently, and when he re.
turned in the evening and handed in his
DlllS uQpalu, he odiu 1uO pSOpAc aiOuhu
this town like me first rate. They were
SO anxious to see me often that every man
1 went to told me to call again. u Phila-
delphia Bulletin.
As young man, late at night, was sit
ting by his window for chance to hurl a
missile at the cats that worried him, a
neighbor passing by said to him, " sup.
pose you have an object in view in sitting
up there 30 late" "Yes," was the reply,
as he held up the bootjack "and also
have an object in hand ready for the OBJ
ject in view"
eyes," said witness, 81 remember
the defendants mother crying on the &C.
casion referred to. She was weeping with
her left eye-the only one she has-and the
tears were running down her right cheek. y
What !" exclaimed the Judge, chow
could that be % "Please, your honor, "
said the witness, "she was awfully cross
eyed"
"Can give my son college education
at home ?" says proud and anxious father.
Yes, old man, you can. If you're willing
to begin by blsckening your face, going to
his room, tying him and then smoking
there till he's sick, you can start the edu-
cation, and any college man can give you
the rest of the programme. But it'll be
four years of Gehenna for you, and you'd
better have the business done in the regu-
lar way.
A scientific journal explains in a long ar
ticle How thunder.storms come up" We
haven't read the article, but we know how
they come up. They wait until the Sun
day-school picnic reaches the grove and
gets fairly to business at Copenhagen,
swinging, Irritation, croquet and other in.
noeent games, and then they come up like
thunder and lightning. 1t takes the aver.
age thunder storm not more than ten min.
utes to come up in the neighborhood of a
picnic. Norristown Herald.
"The Associated Press is great boon,
is it not ?" said the cigarette smoking scion
of South Side sire to beautiful New
York girl, full OF sentiment and oysters, as
they were returning from the theater. at
is, indeed" she replied, in soft tones
George and had one all last winter, but
papa came in one night before George
could take his arm away and acted dread
fully. Do they have them in Chicago =
a. should blush to murmur, responded
the untutored Chicagoan, as he measured
her surcingle belt with his strong right
arm.