The Rock Island Argus., 1881-10-06
WAITS.

y
A Brooklyn young man calls his
sweetheart .sSilence," because when he
wants to kiss her she gives consent"
H is very easy TO stay-atlhonae fanai-
lies 70 imagine themselves at the sea-
) shore. All they have to do is TO catch
few flies and stick them in The butter.
s.Are you going to the ocean," mo,
: ann not going to the ocean / detest
the motion but my sister has no notion
Of going to the ocean, by way OF
Goschen.n
Patti Is said to make fortunes simply
by recommending things. but when she
recommends shaving SOAP" as she
has done lately I'm England, it won't
wash. 81 4 go
Don't, show my letters wrote a
young man to q young lady whom he
adored. Don't be afraid" was the
reply; N just as much ashamed OF
them as you are = ss.es.e. ss.sf
'.Do you see that lovely girl over
there. TomP Well, she is called Elaine,
after Tennyson's heroine" rs she,
thought When she is in, one of her tant-
runs. should call her Madelaine.r
Bernhardt won't marry now, of
course. She has had an extremely
costly tomb built for herself with the
name Bernhardt on it. and it's too late
to have it changed without spelling the
tomb.
..You are now one,". said the minis
ter to the happy pair he had just
Joined together in u knot that they
could never undo. Which onep"
asked the bride. '.You will haze to
settle that for yourselves - said the
clergyman. .....@5
AZ oxxoh,x.., z,,-, .sA ,... 49,. =;
this vicinity who states that he first met
his wife In q storm, took her to the first
ball in storm, popped the question in
storm. was accepted in storm, and
has lived in storm ever since" That
couple must have been Mr.. and Mrs.
Cy Clone.
Wide-awake ''Come, now, guess
what my favorite flower is" said the
spinster housekeeper to the widower's S
little boy as they were walking in the
fields together. He was a lad who kept
his wits about him and his eyes open,
so he answered as he looked up with
an arch expression. Poppy"
r On the shelly shore 'sCome, Cicely,
my dear, are you not going into the
surf?" was the query of an enthusiast
in bathing. ''Not now, thank you. My
toiletis too complete. can't afford to
waste another two hours in getting up
my complexion Her friend had for
gotten that the color on her face was
not adhesive and would wash off in the
waves. II t II
"What is your age?' asked friend
of Mime. de G. the other evening.
..Thirty-one," promptly replied the
fair Sapphira. E'Oh, where do you ex-
pect to go when you die?'' gasps another
lady. 'I am 81, and you told me last
winter. with your own lips, that you
were just my age, my loye.'' Il know
did. dearest, but it was only to con-
sole your
1t was considered an excellent mot
when tho Princess Louise was married,
to state that now she was all for Lorne.
At present she is enjoying all the priv
ilegcs of a grass widow, and the for
lorn Individual is the marquis himself,
as he prowls disconsolate among the
Canadian thistles, and feels rs blue as
the traditional noses of his quasi SUBJ
jects. hHe
Mildmay has never been in the habit
of furnishing his children, leaving that
disagreeable duty to his wife, but the
other day one Of his numerous progeny
became very unruly and he was obliged
to say: '.Flora, if you don't keep quiet
shall have to whip you" ''Poohr'
retorted little 3-year-old, with a con-
temptuous toss of her dainty head.
'You amt the mother"
He was bachelor, had travelled ex-
tensively, and could speak any Ian
guage, dead or alive; but when he re-
turned home the other day and talked
to his sisters baby, and when it cried
and was pacified by its mother saying:
''Did his naughty wauty uncle wuncle
come honey womey and scarcey warey
my little putsey wapseyP" he just
leaned over the back of the chair and
went.