The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-01-27
A SCENE IN CONGRESS,


Good Advice to Young Man from His Father.
MY son, 1t may be thst as you grow older you
VIII be seized with an ambition to serve vopp
country In the halls Of Congress. To this end vo,
should begin now to acquire that polish and eaSv
elegance OF language which will enable Won IN
snlne III DEBATE. Read the daily papers, and thua
iamlllarize yourself with the language and man
ners OF the American legislator. Cat out tha
otiicial report OF the financial debate beween tbe
Hon. Mr.. Cleaver and the Hon. Mr.. Shark. thatit
may be to you textbook upon monetary mat.
terF.
Hon. Mr.. Cleaver-In presenting this bill for
the issue OF 4OOYOOOOOO copper dollars per diem,
Mr. Speaker, am moved to say
Hon. Mr.. Shark The honorable gentleman iaa
dirty liar and doesn't dare to take It up.
Hon. Mr.. Cleaver--slr Mr.. speaker, II the hon.
orable gentleman doesn't take that back in two
shakes OF sleeps TAIL will kick the eyerlsst.
ing Stufing out Of him.
Inc speaker-The gentlemen must be careful,
In the heat Of debate, not to OVerstep the bounds
OF courtesy and parliamentary usage.
Hon. MI. snark-The gentleman is q lop-eared
son OF gun from wooden.Rhoe county, and ha
can't whip one side OF me.
Hon. Mr.. Cleaver-Will the gentleman step ont
from behind bis desk and put up his mauleysH
Dance to ne you sucker, only weigh pound.
Hon. Mr.. snark-Tll slay your nasty mouth,
you Venemous old beast.
Hon. Mr.. CleRVer-AW.W, shut up. Skinny.
what are you givin' usi
Hon. Mr.. GrOans, Of Texas-Black his eye HIT
him In the mouth
Other honorable gentlemen from various states
Smear him onel Send him one on the paste.
horn, for luck Smack him in the snootl
Hon. Mr.. Can Handle (the speaker), mildly
The honorable gentlemen will please keep with
In the bounds Of Parliamentary courtesy,
Hon. Mr.. CleaVer Dumping up in the air and
cracking his heels together) -Whoop kin chSW
up and carry out any son Of a thief between Chi.
cago and Cairo II you don't believe It, smell Of
my bootsl
Hon. Mr. snark-Hold me down, somebody I
Pm the bad man from the river district, and eat
raw buffalo, Where do you want me to hi
| hrst7
And just here the police, on their way to close
disorderly house In the neIghborhood, stepped
in and closed the debate.
From this page OF Congressional history, my
son, you can see how to direct your reading in
order to acquire sufficient knowledge Of lnan.
cial matters to participate in debate on the
funding bill. 1t may be grand thing to 20 to
Congress Iwon't discourage you, my dear boy,
II your ambition leans in that direction. Still, 90
long as you have an alternative open, 80 long "a
you can get steady situation as chambermRId in
livery stable or clerk on a raft wouldn't Sd
| wise you TO set your heart on Congress- The Anna
rican people do not have very much respect for
Congress a. body. They are always sorry to sea
1t in session. They are always glad when 1t ad.
Iourns. Individually, the members Of Congress
are, believe, good citizens, good neighbors good
men. But for lot Of good raw material, my boy
they can make the meanest aggregate when they
get together-Don't worry about going to Con.
gress, Telemachus. Go to the mines or Ioin the
minstrelS Your parents will think more Of you
Bob Burdetts.