The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1881-08-05

Fables and Anecdotes.
One time there was Teller had pet
pig. and the pig it ct. and ct, and ct.
And bime by the pig 1t got so fat it was
round like bloom. One day the Teller
that owned it he shode it to another
man, and the other man he sed it was
nifty nice pig, but which was the head?
The pigs master he sed, "the end which
pints toard the swil."
Then the other man he sed /: But
Then the pig Teller he sed: "Then
there amt no head.
The she ones is a SOW, and one time
me and Billy, that's my brother, and
Sammy Doppy We found sow's nest
with six little pigs, jest Matched. Billy
he sed, Sammy, if we had one of them
fellers for to put in cage it wude sing
like dicky bird, but they fites like a
tagger Wen you tutches EN-"
Sammy sed he cude lick ten thousan
hunderd sech little fellers, aud Billy he
sed, "Well, Sunny, 1 don't mind lettin
you try it. Ill be Gennel Grant, and
you git your big wooden sword and be
Fatty Macome, and the pigs they will
be JEFF Davis"
So Sammy he drod his sword and
pitched in, reel brave as you ever see,
and me and Gennel Grant got on top
the fence. Wen JEFF Davis was got by
the leg he begun for to sing like the
dicky bird, and the ole SOW she come
up scally hootin, and chankin her
teeth, and roarin, much as to say lime
Stonewol Jackson" and Fatty Macome
he run like steer, a hollerin wild for
his mother
Then Gennel Grant he sed, "Thats
twice / have ben defeated. The other
time was wen l ordered Captin Freddie
Jones to storm the be hive. L guess
line gettin plade out"
Ny Uncle Ned, which has been in
Indy and evry were, he says once a pig
was swallowed alive by big snake, and
the pig it keep squeelin in the stomach
of the snakes belly. Then a member of
the California Academy of Science he
came along, and he got his spettacles on
and looked vile and then he took out
his MEMORANDUM buke, and rote this
way, "The boa constructor Is subject to
violent fits of collie, and when its stom-
ach is much distended with wind its
moan is remarkably like the note of the
domestic pig"
My mother she says amt Uncle Ned
ashamed of hisself to tell me sech things,
but Uncle Ned he says it is better for me
to know just how things RELY is than to
gro up believin lot of nonsense and
lies. Ole CATER Peters he will swoller
anything wich he is tole, and one day
when he was to our house Uncle Ned he
said, "Gaffer," and ole CATER he spoke
,ita nm and said 90 Wnt ."
Then Uncle Ned he pinted to Bildad,
that's the new dog, and he sed, Uncle
Ned did, "Gaffer, if 1 was to tell you
something bout that dog wud you be-
leave it?
And Gaffer sed no he wudent-wot
was it?
Then Uncle Ned sed, "Well, wen /
come home yesterday Bildad was so
glad for to see me that he wagged his
tail so hard it flew off mile"
CATER he chuckled and sed that wasn't
SO, cos the tail was on. But Uncle Ned
he sed, "There's just where you make a
mistake thru being so hard for to con-
vince That tail blongs to my cousins
dog witch lives over the river. Bildad's
tail it lit right down before that dog,
which fritened him, and in turnin to
run he give his own tail sech jerk that
it flew over here, and Bildad carlessly
set down on it, had covered his stump
with wax to keep it from bleedin, and
the tail stuck to it. You could pull it
rite off If you wanted to-.
CATER he sed it beat any thing, and
after vile, Wen he thot me and Uncle
Ned wasent lukin, he luke hold of Bill
dads tail and give it a jerk. Inever see
sech a circus Romance in my life, and
Uncle Ned never dld in hisn. Little
Johnny, IN San Francisco Wasp