Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-07-27


''Boy, don't you know that two much of that
stuff may give YOU the colic?" 81 guess
So" was the reply. "Then why do you
eat it," "Well, if my chum, who lives
next door, can stand the smallpox for six
weeks, guess Icanput up withthe collie for
three or four hours!'; was the reply as he
bit of another big hunk
An English judge, who was to the last
degree cross-eyed once had three prisoners
before him. Speaking to the first of them,
but, by reason of his ocular infrmIty,
resting his eye upon the second, he asked:
"l our name and domicile?" The second,
believing himself questioned, gives an an
swer. The judge looks at him severely,
and cries: 81 did not speak TO you, when
up starts the third, on whom his eye is
fixed: "Nor did answer you, judge"
A FINE haired young lady of Wheeling
went away from home some time ago on a
visit to friend. She was finiky sort of
girl and was very proper, indeed. At
dinner on the day of her arrival she ate
very little.
why Jane" said her friend, "you
don't eat anything. Take something else;
please do 7"
"Oh, no." she simpered, thank you;
l never eat big messes away from home"
There was silence during the rest of the
meal.
AMIABLE husband (who has just finished
moving" Where are my slippers, dear ?"
WIfe-"They came along with the third
load, and the load went to the garret ?"
Husband" where Is my piper"
Wife OUT find it IN one of the barrels of
crockery in the cellar" Husband" And
where is my comb and hair brush r.
Wife-"Jane packed them in the kitchen
stove with the children's shoes" Husband
(Mentally solilOquising)- What woman
my wife Isl She never went to college. and
yet she knows everything"
JUVENILE Induction: Sylvia" There
90 Uncle George and Aunt Mary and the
babyl What fuss they make about the
baby, to be surei" Daisy People
always make fIss about their first born,
and always have ever since the world be-
gan" Sylvia-"I don't suppose Adam and
Eve made much fuss over CAIN" Daisy
"'Ih hy not I" Sylvia" Well they'd never
seen a baby before, and must have thought
him quite an ldiot!"
"YoU must admit. Jim Webster, that
you stole those pullets," said the Galveston
Jedge to the culprit, "Jedge," responded
Jim, 81 don't really believe l stole deln
chickens. In the fust place, Jedge, nobody
saw me take 'em. In de next place dey
could not be found on my premises, because
| had done hid dem chickens under de floor.
l caut help believln', Jedge, dat is inno-
cent as lamb"
"WHY is a woman more afraid of a
mouse than man ?' inquired young smart
boy of his best girl "Oh, assure you,'
was the reply. ga mouse is much more
dangerous than man. and she leaned so
heavily on bis arm that he, for a moment,
really imagined tbst he was man.
A CLERGYMAN who had Just performed a
wedding ceremony, and was filling out a
blank descriptive of the parties, asked the
husband what his business was; az am q
wine merchant and a shoemaker" was the
reply. "Yes," exclaimed the bride. $50
you can just set him down as sherry cob
ler."
al CAN'T find place IN the city to SUIT
me, "desparingly remarked hOuse-hunting
lady to her husband yesterday. ''Why 50,
my dearl Why because-because-well,
if you must know, / can't find a mantle
long enough for the crewel lambrequine l
| made last Winter"
A POEM In an exchange is entitled "No-
thing Lost But Heart. Should think that
was 100 much to lose-unless it was one of
these hearts you buy in market for twenty.
| five cents.
"AND so you learn dancing. Bob And
how do you like walls ngl" "Oh, it's not
bad; 1 can manage very well by myself !;
but think girls rather in the way!"
THE New York Mail says that Delmonico
has a count and baron among his walters.
So it appears that sucn pcrsonagcs are really
fit for something In this world. We have
now better opinion of counts and barons
than heretofore.
ALBANY has ordered three hundred cleo
trio lights. Owners of property don't dare
to let it get very dark when the legislature
is there.
THE medal offered for the biggest lie
told this year has been awarded to the
author of circus poster.
OPERA singers are remarkably healthy,
considering the amount of male aria in bus
iness.
BRowNJoHN very appropriately calls his
yacht his floating debt. 1t isn't paid for.
THE girl that blackens her eyebrows
wishes to keep her imperfections dark.
THE new directory is out, and the pru-
dent man will at once change his abode.
The doctors jokes are all very plain.
There is Holmes pun look about 'em.
The comet must be that Star Route
zA ab b:0h