Democratic messenger., 1881-09-10
WIT AND WISDOM.

4 Ml1hMEN hAAN ~
hand, pumping their way through the
world.
An exchange says: 'When does a
lock get ripe enough to pick?" As soon
as the spring opens, of course.
"CoRNELL-I yell-I yell-Shin-kel," 1"
is the new cheer suggested by the FL
mira AdUertiSer for the Cornell boys.
| "OH fly with me ~ cried the wild esthete,
| As he uttered his love too-too,
''Wc shall float down the utterly utter tide
| In this utterly frail canoe"
"YoU'RE dear girl, (" he sighed, after
paying for two dishes of ice cream and
three-fourths of pie for her, and she
thought him just too awfuIly sweet and
affectionate.
AN OLD settler of Kansas City, Mo-,
blew into both barrels of a shotgun
loaded with buckshot. Being of no
earthly use without head, the neigh
bors kindly buried him.
HOTEL proprietors report that there
has been a marked improvement in the
manner of eating green corn. Guests
no longer throw one foot up on the
table to hold the cob down.
SUMNER is that season of the year in
which a man carries his pockets full
; of railroad maps and summer resort
prospectuses. for a week and then de-
cides to go where he did last year.
A YOUNG farmer likes to bind sheaves
of grain with brlers in better than any
other, because when he reaches around
to put the band under, the thorns
remind him of the pins in his girls
dress.
Mrs. GENERAL Tom THUMB admits
that the General used to kiss every lady
that bought his book but says he
Doesn't do it any more when she's
around. And yet the little lady says
she isn't bit jealous.
A KENTUCKY editor says: "We are
not responsible for the article in our in
side. 1t was contributed by friend,
ETC. In Texas it is the barkeeper who
is responsible for what is in many of the
editors insides. Siftings.
LORD LoRNE tells of his once express
ing wish to see a real, full-blooded
Indian-his 'first-and being rather
astonished when the Canadian, who at
once undertook to crafty the wish,
summoned the required real specimen
of the aboriginal race by shouting,
"Come here, Mcdonald"
A MAID, as by court records doth appear,
Whom $50 600 made so dear,
| Unto her waiting lover sternly said
"Forego the weed before we go to wed.
For smoke take flame. Ill be that flames
| bright tanner.
| To have your Anna, give up your Havana"
The wretch. when thus she brought him TO
| the scratch,
Lit his cigar and threw away the match.
A NEWSPAPER agent, being told by an
old lady that it was no use to subscribe
for the papers, as Mother Shipton said
the world was coming to an end this
year, said "But won't you want to
read an account of the whole affair as
soon as it is over ?" '"That l will,
answered the old lady, and she sub
scribed.
--LATEST agony 1t is difficult to keep
all the agonies of this agonizing period
in mind; but if you wish to be consid-
cred 'intense" it is absolutely neces-
sary that you should receive by mail
polka-dot handkerchief from your best
girl. This signifies "There Is spot
Tin fact, several of them) that's dear to
me. Wilt Gomez"
UNFORTUNATE predicament First
Actress-"What special line are you to
attempt this season, my dear % Second
Actress-'O, most anything. If could
only hire some one to tip me over in
wagon or throw me into the river and
pull me out again l would be all right
for q good business. I've pawned my
diamonds. They can't be stolen again.
"ANGELINE, my dear, you should not
sit on the veranda, in the edge of the
evening. You will contract malaria,
said careful mother. "I know, it ma,
was the cheerful reply. ''Thats what
I am trying to do. All our set have
the malaria. 1t is quite the idea,
assure YOU" What could mamma say?
THE late Governor Bagley, of Michi
gan, intrusted the education of his
children to his wife, with this sensible
proviso: "That they one and all shall
be educated in this country and not
abroad, as it is my sincere desire that
they may grow up to be sincere Ameri-
cans, and lovers of their native land and
her institutions"
A NEWSPAPER man at North Carolina
seaside resort gives list of something
less than hundred ladies' who, he says,
/ WOEG MIlAIACO Ol uo ShAO ASS
of the dance" Whether he means that
he danced with these female persons or
that they were "whirled' past him as
he sat apart like lonesome wallhower,
does not appear probably the latter.
A GRANDFATHER coming to read his
paper, found that he had mislaid his
spectacles, and thereupon declared, 81
have lost my glasses somewhere, and
can't read my paper" A little three
and-a- half-year-o girl, desiring to as
sist him, answered, "G'an'pa, you go
outside and look froo re window, and
I'll hold re paper up so you can read
it."
AT a recent examination in girls
school the question was put to class
of little ones: "Who makes the laws OF
our Government? 2" Congress, was
the ready reply. Chow is Congress
divided? ?" was the next question. A
little girl in the class raised her hand.
"Well," said the examiner, "Miss Sal
lie, what do You say the answer is ?"
Instantly, with an air of confidence as
we'll as triumph, the answer came:
Civilized, half civilized and savage"
THE LOVER OF NATURE.
love the playful little lamb
love him broiled or roast