The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1881-09-14
.IGuaoRs oF TIE Day.
A p1AoK subjeet-ths coal question.

= D14zAO1>F QUIZ e440 wa IAA~@7~A0AA'
WHAT burns to keep a secret seal
ing-wax.
Electric belles-fenale telegraph
operators.
TEE spot for husbands with scolding
Wives-ShreWs bury.
WHEN would a volunteer corps most
need cook? When they have got a
range g ~r
EVEN dumb animals exhibit attach
ment. The horse is always attached to
the vehicle which he draws.
Ak old farmer on being informed that
one of his neighbors owed him a gr1dge,
growled ont: No matter, he never
pays anything"
shooting atfray, says the wounded man is
expected to recover, as the pistol ball
lodged IN his ''dinner-pail."
for an excursion, closes thus: Tickets
be had at the captains Office.
- EMPTY Is the Cradle, Baby's Gone"
is the title Of the latest serio-idiotic
song. 1t win probably be followed by
Empty Is the Bottle, Papa's Full. :"
''PUT upon my tombstone" said the
dying man, IAN epitaph stating that I
was a scoundrel, thief, and brute. Then
people will think was good man.
Epitaphs always Lis so"
81 believe the Jury have been inocu-
lated for stupidity, said testy lawyer.
"That may be, replied his opponent,
"but the bar and the court are of the
opinion that you had it in the natural
way"
LIEUTENANT Cor1ANDER Common
says the obeliSk viii endure in our
climate for 8, $40 years. We advise our
readers to remember this. They may
get the laugh on Gorringe in the year
10,440.
CARE you a good rider?' asked liv-
cry man. 81 am, - replied the customer,
and Just then the horse snorted, stood on
its hands, came down and, bucked. And
the customer went on, from his highseat
In the haymoW: ''See how easily 1 get
OFF.
''To what degree" asks an inquiring
friend of BIr. Beecher, ''may person at
the present day be Ignorant without
being guilty ??''-s''That depends -on the
person, = replies Henry Ward; ''some
people are born with a genius for ignor-
allce.' "a
HER lips were like the leaves, he said,
BY AutHmn's crimson tinted;
:. Some people AuIqmnleaves preserve m
BY pressing Uiefrl,i' she ain ted. - - a--t
TIE meaning Of tbs gentle hint
The l,yeI did discern,
A nd 81 ha-eiasped her round the meek,
Ard glued bis lips to her'n.
8 A LITTLE fiFe,yepr- old boy zastanished
his mother ole day by urging heE-to see
70, !
to sprtuk Another, standing before her
and looking up into her face inquired,
'sMa, what's the reason / ain a man
now? I've got jack-knifo aud pocket
book, - N-.-- .pe
FREDDIE went to a funeral. When he
returned his mother asked whore the
text was. He couldn't tell where it was,
but he knew what it was, and he re
peated it: Hes dead, and theywen up
the road" The text was, t'ATan gOeth
TO his loag home and the :nourners go
about tile streets
f'I sHoULD. Ike toknow," said little
Allie, after church one Sabbath, 'fwhat
makes the mihister say what he does
always when he reads q hymn" What
does lie say?1 asked mamma. why,
he always says short Peter, or long
Peter, or some other kind Of Peter,
when Tiers isn't q word about Peter in
hawhole hymn p
THE TURKEY.
PrauE bid Of The barn yard, 'brtbesome and free,
j fiug.f, fou7 hludgeoh is lowering DER thee
4 IL t,-ftItt3 urcGin, bard-aeArted bah,
W Il. !,it Jon = rap With m0re'n stuffed club.
Make The mott Of thy time, fer soon thou'lt be
And t!iae own precious head to the bloek'n be
Then gebbiel and gobBle! and eobble away, 81
Thysef VIII be gobDled at no distant day. -
A :. st 10 Thy soul ana peace to thy ashes,
4 atunpr thouH nzke and cheap Sundry lIashes; 4
a breakfast, perhaps, and light supper, too,
and ti.en Do dissolved in thin, carcass stew.
A. YOUNG lady at. an evening party
found it aprOpO8 TO use the expression,
''Eortlan is hard road to travel" but,
Thinking that to be vulgar, substituted
the following: ''Perambulating progress
sion in pedestrian excursion along the
far-falned tnorOughfare of fortune cast
up 10y the banks of the sparkling river Of
Palestine, is, indeed, attended with
heterogeneous conglomeration of. I'M
forseen difficulties"
AT lecture, the lecturer had occasion
TO speak Of the style the Turks have of
shaving the head all but e. tuft on top,
which, he said, WIS probably left to as
sist the resurrection angel In, bringing
them up at the last day. Johnnie looked
up at flle smooth, shiny head OF his.
father, and then whispered to his mother:
"Pap won't have any kind of chance,
will he?"