The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-08-06
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

A difficult thing to scttle-Poor coffee.
An unyarnished tail That Of the comet.
L. a cssk obstinate when Its spigoted!
A man Is known By the company he keeps
out OF.
Mr.. Beecher says Hades is II state. So is Ne"
Jersey.
People may not know il, but am still III the
country. -Psdtt
Why is a turnpike road like dead dogs 'a'!f
Because 1t stops Vaughn.
II the tide waves are breakers, 1t Is no wonder
the loose waves smash things
The Legislature OF New York grinds ont tena'
tors slowly, and grinds exceedingly email sena-
tors-
It is the mean temperature that makes man
siek.-N. o. Pidnyu''e
Keely's motor lie known as "the tramp be-
cause 1t won't work.-Bosto" iosf.
The English sparrow--"Have | driven all the
other birds from this towns Well, ] should twlt-
ter"
Do not tell q man that he lies. II is vulgar.
Say that his conversation suggests TO your hihs
Q summer resort circular. - Philadelphia fress'
Isn't It wonderful how $1,000 trotter shrinks
away into the hide OF $50 Plug when the as
seseor comes along'-Ihtrot Free Press.
An Irish editor Bays: "Our women are accused
Of being fond OF whistling. Well, 80 be It,
What Is more lovely than tulips well biownT
If his hair is slnged, his eyebrows have disap
peared, and his linen buster has holes burnt all
over Il, he's from st. Louis The weather did
1t.
When member OF the New York legislature
"a asked by the bar. keeper what he will take, the
absen minded reply is "SOOO. "-STfing.
"Will Love VIM is the title Of a new novel.
We feel authorized to say that love, properly
backed by a.bank account, will call the turn ev-
cry time.
He was no, what you might call handsome,
Though his mouth was as red as q rose;
For straw--you may spell the word backward
Surmounted the end OF his nose.
-HWkensack Republican.
The s'hated Saxon" has been hit by an Irish
p, with this uncommony neat Hibernicism
80 long rs Ireland was silent under her wrongs
England was deaf to her crieso
France has found nation she can whip. Dos.
ton POst. That Will not excite the envy OF
the United states. since inducing SlltulE nun
TO surrender this nation feels rs il 1T could lick
all creation Philadelphia Evening" Ne'cs
The American lawn mower has been intro.
duced into England, and now the English, dis
turbed In their morning maps by the changing
fend, have sent over for the profanity that goes
with it.-BOSton Post.
THEY ALL GO THEIR.
ooh where are you going, my pretty maidy'
$40 do some shopping she sweetly said.
"And where" | asked In glad surprise.
"Oh, anywhere where they advertise"
yhe farmers In Illinois are very much excited
about the depredation. Of the Hessian fly, and
want to know something OF its origin IL we
mistake not II was Gen. Stark who first MADE the
Hessian fly in this country. Yonker'S Ga7ette
The Gaesburg Republican finds infinite relief
20 the discovery that at was long ago decided by
constitution OF the state of Illinois prohibiting a
man from making Jackass OF HIMSELF
Speaker Sharpe, OF the New York legislature,
who sold out Conklng to the half breeds, ia duly
eOmplimerted in verse by the World:
II we were Speaker George II, Sharpe,
--cr George II. Sharpe,
-cr George II. Sharpe
II We were Speaker George II. Sharpe,
We Tell you Wnat Weu 40:
We'd crawl into an auger hole,
An auger-hoe,
IA glmet-hole,-
We'd crawl into gimleth hole,
And pull the hole In too.
Ex.presdent Hayes passes most Of his days
swinging in hammock and wondering why no
one shot him.--Free Press,
Women have been getting 81 day In some of
the Ohio harvest fields the men being all off to
Washington, boring for Office.
Judge" Tourgee has christened his new resi-
dence "A Fools Home" Now that he Is IN it,
we hope he will stay there.
He loitercd at the festival,
COOLEST In his FISH,
a wishy washy fluid brimmed,
The marge his lipets kissed.
Quoth he, 81 wish that could get
A pair OF trousers made
For summer wear as thin as this
Consumptive lemonade.
on CRy Dtrlck
AT Il cOlored camp.nectlng ut Creedmore Park,
near Philadelphia, last Sunday the singers
lOudest:
De gospel train nm comm
A-comin' round de curve,
A-puilin' and a-blown
An astrainin' ebry nerve.
Git on board, chillen; git on board,
Oars room for many mo-
Come up hyer and get on dc kyers" yelled
the old man in a voice like a fog horn, but no
one came. The excitement Of the meeting cul-
minated ia the announcement that the dollar had
been raised and cent In addition.
A black bear tried to hug young lady out in
Idaho, and the insulted damse gouged out one
OF his eyes with parasol. She knew the hug OF
bear TO be ruinous TO the health When man
wishes TO hug an Idaho girl with any safety he
uses pair Of ice tongs.-Burdette.
MARRIAGE A LA MODE
hat, cane,
nobby beau
narrow lane
whisper low
smile, bow,
little firt
An ardent vow