The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-12-02
WHY WE LAuaH.

put on more airs than they sing.-Boston
| Courier.
"Pay as you GO" is good advice, and does
very we'll for the man who doesn't 60 very
much.-LoweH Citizen.
If one dog can be placed on scent, how
many dogs can be placed on trade dollar9 ?
Waterbury american.
1t is wise saw which buzzcth not in the
public ear the designs in Government cabi-
net making.-New Jersey Enterprise.
A drinking man was tsld by his physician
to hold his breath while he counted his pulse,
but he couldn't do it. His breath was tso
strong for him Cincinnati Saturday Night.
Drinking beer may quench thirst, but it
will not refreshtbe ememory.-NeD York Sun
That delicate matter is one Of the unpleas-
ant duties of the bartender.-Keokuk Con-
stitution. "--'
The Memphis Appeal says, /" The hair we
wear, the ivory teeth through which we smile,
are bogus and frauds upon the public"
Very few editors would frankly confess so
| huuShs-x'C" NFtCuHo tOhyuHcs
A boy who will listen indifferently to the
sublimest truths Of theology, will be aroused
to the utmost interest by the progress of q
caterpillar over the collar Of the bald headed
man in front of him.--Bric-a-Brac.
He had lost his knife and they had asked
him the usual question: "Do you know
where you lest it?" eyes, yes" he replied,
"of course l do; / am merely hunting in
these other places for it to kill time"
Spsony dry-goods clerk to smart miss
trying on hat before the glass" Don't
wish was = looking glass;" Smart miss
"Yes, perhaps you'd get more girls to look
at you them" Clerk collapses and is carried
out.-McGregor Io,oa) Ne,ss.
"Have some milk this morning2" asked
the milkman Of Toozer, who stood at the
back door. "No, not this milk, some udder
milk" said the little one. And the milk
man walked chalk line away from the
house.-Ne,cton Republican.
The London Pail Mall Gazette says the
United States is |" the most powerful nation
in the world" The editor Of the Gazette
has evidently had . glimpse of our navy.
We thought that would strike terror to the
British soul.-Norristog Herald.
"Vo: poat club is dose ?" asked old Baron
Oistersteupan at Yorktown, pointing his cane
in the direction Of the United States Navy,
which lay in the harbor. The Baron can't
have very slaboi ate idea of the size Of our
American beat clubs.--Norristown Herald.
Riding in arailroad car-Husband "You
are quite comfortable, dear" Wife: Yes,
love-" "The cushiohs are easy and soft,
ducky?" eyes, darling" You don't feel
any jolts, pet?" "No, sweetest" "And
there is no draught on my lamb, is there, an
gel?" "No, my swnest own" "Then
change seats with me-"
Twenty-sevsn thousand baby-carriages
were manufactured in one Massachusetts,
town last year, and the manufacturers could
not fill all their orders.-Er. The manufac-
Iturers can hardly be, expected to fill p .0Oo
baby-carriages, and besides their customers
might prefer to fill few fer themselves.
Some folks are particular that way.
He was wealthy but penurious, and this is
what he said to the suitor for his daughters
hand: "Yes, you can have her. But you
must elope with her. l can't afford the ex
pense of swell wedding, aud the romance
of the elopement will make up for the lacl
of show, and Well save $500 on expenses
&c 1t !"--Boston Post.
Dnring recent thunder storm near Mem
phis, Tenn, negro was severely kicked b!
vicious mule, and just as he was picking
himself up stroke of lightning hit the mule
and killed him dead on the spot. "Well
dar!" exclaimed the negro, eff dis chile
hain't got pow'ful fren's to 'venge his insults
den dere's no use trying to hab faith in any
thing"
1t requires no great stretch of conscienc
: to explain why we have had such avast exces
of weather-such extremes of heat and cold
wet and dryness-this year as compared will
. previous years. Formerly alarge part of th
appropriation for the weather bureau wa
! embezzled; now it is all expended TO
weather. Hence the superfuity. Washing
ton Post.
A colored man entered q fashionabl
church on q recent Sunday and was proceed
ing down the aisle when he was touched o.
the shoulder by the gentlemanly sexton, VIII
said "The seats on the rear row are re
served for colored people," oh, 1t doesn'
natter" aaid the dark-skinned brother; II
sit anywhere. I'm not too proud to 81
among white folks" and he entered softl
cushioned pew we'll down in the broad aisle
Boston Transcript.
A scientific journal explains in long art
Gle, How thunder storms como up" W
haven't read the article, but We knew ho'
they come up. They wait until the Sunda
schssl picnic reaches the grove and gets fail
ly u business at copenhagen, swinging, fiji
tation, croquet, and other innocent game!
, and then they come up like thunder an
lightning. 1t takes the average thunde
storm not more than ten minutes to come u
in the neighborhood of picnic.
v uc TcuATk oi al LuSiiou CiItiC taat 0cl
man army officers wear their trousers to
tight, recalls the order said to have bee
given by the Emperor Of China to his SO
. dier, when, during the opium war, aBritis
: gunboat threatened Canton. His Cclestil
: Highness commanded his men "to 60 straigf
! down and kill every man on board that shil
Z If you can't kill then, knock them down, ft
. their trousers are so tight that they'll neve
, be able to get up again."
. A medical paper devotes column ormol
8 to the question: " Is love disease?" and
n funny man rises to explain that he shoul
r say Il was softening Of the brain and hear
y lSymptsns-Sighing, gnawing sensation
Q sou-sou-west by south Of center and stut
d button desire to bite somebody, hatred I
a relatives, longing for Beautiful Isle Of Il