River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-11-10
IN A Nutshell.

A lot of Boston girls are going west
in bunch to get married. Poor boys,
when you all skipped out on the plains
we thought you would be safe, but alas!
They're on your trail.
Vennor predicts severe winter for
Great Britain, and mild one for this
country, with few cold snaps. 1t will
be prudent, however, to lay in good
supply of coal as neither the goosebone
nor muskrat have been heard from.
Said an auctioner: Come now, Ia
dies and gentlemen, these goods are
for sale. viii somebody give me a
bid? Anything, ladies and gentlemen.
All | want is am offer stAlasp' muir
INJURED an elderly woman in the crowd,
that's what have been signing for all
my life"
Miss Winslow, living ten miles from
Boston, now in her ninety-second year,
possesses the original certifcateof mem
bership, belonging 10 her father, Gen.
John Winslow, as one of the formers of
the society of the Cincinnati, dated
May 5, 1888, and signed by George
Washington, president, and III. Knox,
secretary.-Indianapoks Sentinel.
In party Smith, the funny man,
picked from the floor some false hair,
and, holding it aloft, wickedly asked
who kad lost any. Impulsively the
hand of every lady within earshot went
to her back hair. 1t was cruel TO throw
them off their guard and expose them
SO, but Smith says it was not his fault.
There is beautiful tradition that the
first foot which pressed the snow-clad
rock of Plymouth, Mass, was that of
Mary Chiffon, fair young maiden;
and the last survivor of these heroic
pioneers was May Allerton. who lived
to see the planting Of twelve out of the
thirteen colonies which formed the
United States.
The English papers accord to Ameri-
ca the praise of turning grave subjects
into grim humor One of these SAYS:
"A cute Yankee advertiser has been
utilizing the walls of cemeteries by
adjoining them with the following legend
in gigantic letters: Use Jones' bottled
ale if you would keep out of here"
Ocean me not" the lover cried,
I" am your surf-to you I'd tied
Don't breaker heart, fair one, but wave
Objections thine this sand | crave"
30 billow Bill " she bIushed, II see
Iou would beac-osen shore by me;
But I'm mermaid not yet in seine
And shall for years that way remain"
--Norristotca Herald.
Here are some of the hat ornaments
of the season-shrimps of colored met
al, tiny silver and gold mice, cocks
heads, or the entire bird in colored me-
tai, enamel, and feathers of the Turke-
yam bird, metal and bony wolves heads
with the mouth wide open, showing the
red tongue and sharp white teeth,
daggers and pistols of gold, silver and
other metals, sometimes adorned with
jewels, gilt and silver snails, boars'
tusks capped with gold at the base,
turtles, octopuses, Holsters and crabs in
enamel and gilt, and spiders Of jet, of
malachite, and of imitation opal, with
gilt claws.-EhrichS Fashion QUARTERLY
A New York judge has decided that
colossal liar and literary thief" APP
piled to dramatist, is not liLel. I'm
fortunately, when a Pennsylvania
wants to call man one of those things,
it takes too long to go to New York and
back, to say nothing about the fare. 1t
may not be. libel in New York to
apply such epithets to man, but we
should say it was mighty unhealthy
and liable to cause discoloration of
the optics.-No1Tisto,on Herald.