The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-11-24
AFTER A MATINEE.


For reply Mr.. Spoopendyke emitted q sound
that might have been a groan 4 grunt, but
was, in fact, au inartieulate curse.
alt is past g." again yentured Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, extending cup of tea toward the bed.
"Dod CAST it, said Mr.. Spoopendyke, 81 don't
care what time it is. I'm not going down town
to-day. anyway And he sat up in bed and
glared at his wife. whats that 7" he added,
as his swollen, bloodshOt eyes rested on the
steaming teacup.
.'Don'f you want cup of tea, this morning ~
suggested Mrs SpoOPendyke. eth do your
headache good"
Headache chr growled Mr.. Spoopendyke
.'Who said had headache P'raps I've got a
glandular swelling, and an abdominal viscera,
and measles" he continued, in n louder tone.
Take me for midnight assassin, don't you
Think I'm running parlor Police Gazette, don't
youi bod CAST the measly thingv he shouted,
uncoiling damp towel from his head; "why
don't you bind up my perforated liver' All
you want is a pound of court plaster and bull
letin board to be Hospital for Ineurablcs.
Gimme drink
ats hot said Mrs. Spoopendyke, hesitating-
~ proffering the teacup; "but it's nice and
strong-just the thing for disordered stomach"
"Oh, you know all about ii. don't you 7"
howled Mr.. SpOOFendyke. you've been ont
with the boys yourself, haven't youi Fine turn
you've got for conviviality. You wouldn't go
home till Friday week morning, would youf All
You want is dirty apron aud half dozen dead
measly tea" bawled Mr. Spoopendyke, hitting
the saucer whack that sent the scalding liquid
into his wife's face. ''Gimme some ginp
Mrs. SpoOpendyke shrieked couch :" and
stopped down to gather up the broken chiua,
and her spouse, after surveying the ruins, and
satisfying himself that she was not mortally
wounded, flung his head on the pillow again,
and groaned.
ale didn't notice the black eye he gave me
last night murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke siand
taa's fin lruis
haps it was all for the best, only wish it hadn't
been quite so hot"
After putting on little toilet powder, she
went softly to the window, and pulled down
the shades. ''He needs Sleep she said, gently,
"and don't wonder at it, coming in ut o'clock
this morning. No wonder his legs couldn't sup
port him. I'm glad slept before he came in, or
/ shouldn't he able to walk to-day, myself"
"Where's that gin ?" yelled Mr.. Spoopendyke,
beside himself with fury. "What are you pull
ing down them shades fort" Think you're going
| to have funeral in the house' 'Spose you're a
dOd gastcd measly widowf Wondering who'll
| provide You with weepersf Think you're ito
| let again, don't you' Twelve hundred dollars
| a year, with all improvements, on a long lease.
bod CAST it, bunch of keys and half column
advertisement is all You need to be n measly in
surance agent. Go round peddling books with
black-edged paper. won't youf bod CAST it,
where's that gini Do yen know what gin is,
| Mrs Spoopendykef And his voice assumed a
steadiness of tone, from the depth of scorn that
he threw into the inquiry, that made the poor
woman jump.
'Gin !" she answered; "to he sure do. 1t
comes in square bottles, with little necks to
| them"
"Oh, you know gin when you see it, do you I
! It's got 4 little neck, has il, like a dod gastel
measly clami You crack the shell, and serve ii
/ mp with corn and chickens, of course. bod CAST
! it Get the bottle ont of my coat pocket where
! | left it to brace up on this morning." howled
| the desperate husband.
Here il ir," said Mrs. Spoopendyie, trying to
unserew the pewter top, aud finally succeeding
-"Oh, my! how il smcllsr
''You needn't drink il ~ snapped Mr.. SpOoperi-
dyke eagerly putting the bottle to his lips, and
! pouring the fluid down his throat "Dod CAST
it " he said, after minute spent in this occupa-
! ton, "get me some paper"
| Mrs. spoopendyke, observing the benificent
effect of the alcohol, tripped lightly down stairs,
and presently returned with the morning papers.
.sShall raise the shades and open the window r.
she said, as she carefully readjusted the mosqui-
| to bar.
Eyes, dol, screechcd Mr.. Spoopendyke, in a
| paroxysm of rage. "Raise the roof; raise the
| neighborhood; raise Hades, why don't You Z
bod CAST it do You take me for an express CON-
pany! 'Spose I'm dod gasted sextuplex tele-
| graph instrument, tn send sixty columns of read
/ ing matter to the office at once? Think / can
| write a note between the letters of these dod
gasted newspapersi Fancy I'm Patagonian
| cannibal, to write with blood and finger nails I
Oh, you don't, don't youf Then, why don't you
| get Inc pen and paperi Do you 'spose | can
cut out an advertisement of a dod gasted head
ON me. and send il to the Office by way of expla-
nation' Take me for a twenty-five big type
special form Kalamazoo o, goshn gasped Mr..
SpOOpendyke, as he once more took comfort in
the gin bottle; "what genius my wife is.'
This sage and complimentary observation was
lost on Mrs. Spoopendyke, who had again de-
scended for the necessary implements and re-
appeared just in time to dodge the empty flask,
and spill the ink impartially over her morning
dress. note paper and best bed room carpet. This
Mr.. SpoOpendyke fortunately did not observe.
''Got the dod gastsd mkt Are You weighed
down with paperi Brought a snb-treasury with
you for stamps ?, he yelled, as the last dregs of
the broken bottle mounted to his brain. "Then,
sit down and write; do you heart Sit on the
floor, and you won't upset the table,
Mrs. Spoopendyke did as requested. "What
shall say :" she began.
''Say anything. iou know what want, don't
youi Write and say that Christmas is coming !;
say it's hot; say I'm drunk say the catcchism;
say"
But before Mrs. Spooperdyke could make a
choice of the apOlOgetic messages to be delivered
Mr.. SpoOpendykes snoring was resumed.
perhaps, when he wakes up, he'll want to
write it himself she remarked, as she rose from
her oriental position she floor, ''and I'll go
and make him some beef tea."-Brookiyn Eagle.