The New Bloomfield, Pa. times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1877-188?, 1881-02-15
A Good Squash Trade.

CQUIRE HAPGOOD had the prettiest
~ daughter and biggest squash of any
man in the town in which he resided.
His daughter was plump, buxom, and
eighteen, and bore the name Maggie.
His squash was of that variety known
rs the Hubbard, and he intended to ex-
hibit ii at the ensuing autumnal Town
Fair, where he fondly hoped and be-
lieved it would be awarded the first
premium.
On his daughter and his vegetable the
squire lavished all of his affection, but
alas that my pen should record 1.-THE
vegetable got by far the larger part He
loved Maggie as Brutus loved Caesar, but
he loved the squash as Brutus loved
Rome.
Now, in my opinion, pretty girl is of
more value than squash, however big
the latter may be; and SO thought
Hiram Hardy. He was young farmer,
and was a neighbor of the squire. He
was dead in love with Maggie. and Mag
gle was dead in love with him. He
visited her twice or thrice week, but he
might about as well have staid at home
for any pleasure that he derived from
his visits. Not one time in twenty did
he get chance to exchange more than
a dozen words with her. No sooner
would he make his appearance at her
home, than the squire would take him
out into the garden to see " thatsquash,"
and there he would keep him hour after
hour talking squash to him until his
brain would fairly reel.
AT length, one day, Hiram was for
tunate enough to find his beloved alone.
Here was an opportunity to propose, and
he was not slow to avail himself of it.
Maggie, blushing and radiant, referred
him to her father
That very evening Hiram called upon
the squire. He found the old gentle
man toasting his heels before CHEEKY
fire. Beside him stood a pitcher of
cider, and in his hands was his weekly
paper, journal devoted to agriculture.
Hearing the young man enter, he lifted
his eyes from the page, first taking care
to mark his place with his finger.
Howdedoo, Hiram ?" he cried IN his
usual loud, hearty voice, as he recog-
nized the visitor. "Take cheer"
Hiram returned the salutation, and
then deposited himself in chair which
Maggie hastened to bring him.
Have some cider 2'' asked the old
man.
swell, don't care if do" returned
Hiram, nothing 10th.
Maggie filed large tumbIer with the
refreshing beverage, and handed it to
her lover, who drained it in business
like manner.
"You've come just in the nick o.
time" said the squire, turning to his
paper.
"Eh ?" said Hiram.
" Just in time TO hear an account of a
new-fangled way of killing squash-bugs.
I'll read it to you"
Hiram cast despairing glance at his
charmer, and received asympathetic one
in return. Then he tipped his chair
against the wall, clasped his hands to-
gether above his head, and resigned
himself to the inevitable.
Squire Hapgood prided himself on his
elocution. 1t was of jerky, explosive
nature. Every word leaped from his lips
like bomb from the mouth of NOR
tar He paid no attention to the punc-
tuation marks with which an article was
interspersed. He used but two stops,-a
short one and a long one. The former
he used after every word, and the latter
whenever he wanted to clear his throat
with a drink of cider.
The account of the new-fangled way