The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1881-03-25
HUMOROUS. .

A standing nuisance-The fellow on
the cSyhatone.
1t does not in:irzy.c .. notato to have
specks on its eyes.
Cannibals sometimes have their
neighbors at dinner.
Pity the poor duck who has to 20
around barefooted all winter.
Poor people eat mutton because Il IL
sheep, and rich people eat venison be-
cause 1t is deer.
While sunlight is the most favorable
for haymaking, it is a well known tact
that wild oats are best sown by moon
light.
A young physician asked permission
OF lass to kiss her. She replied. mo,
sir; never like doctors bill stuck in
my face"
MIR. Beecher says that when doctors
are called to treat any disease the nature
Of which they do not understand, they
call it malaria.
A young man in New York Is becom-
Ing Independently rich by breaking off
marriage engagements objectionable.t
his father at 300 time.
A Michigan farmer invented trick
with hole in it. He sold rolls OF but
ter that had been made hollow, filled
with water and frozen solid.
The Philadelphia News says IL is bet
ter to have loved and lost than to be
Obliged to get up at five o'clock on cold
winter mornings to start fire.
"The man who sings "Rock Me to
Sleep, Mother" weighs over two hun
dred pounds, and it is physically
impossible for his parent to accede to
his wishes.
The Elmira Free Press recklessly re-
marks: ''The young ladies of WASH
ington are organizing cooking club.
Thus far there have been no deaths on
the part of their patrons"
"Eugenie, Eugenie. will you insist
on wearing the hair of another woman
on your headP" "Alphonse, Alphonse,
do you still insist upon wearing the skin
of another calf upon your feetp" !
One OF the things that saddens man
in this vale OF eye water is to lie awake
half the night listening to barking
dog, and, upon regaining consciousness,
to discover that the fire in the stove has
gone out.-New York Commercial.
Many a young lady who objects to
being kissed under the mistletoe has no
objection to being kissed under the rose.
A careless compositor made an error in,
the above. rendering it, has no objec-
tion to be kissed under the nose"
Wishing to pay his friend compli-
ment, gentleman remarked: hear
you have very industrious wife.
YES" replied the friend, with mel
ancholy smile, "she is never idle. She
is always finding something for me to
CO."
One evening, at Paris cafe, a group
Of idlers were discussing politics and
people who change their opinions.
"Well," eaid one, 1--WE never cried.
Long live any body" "Quite so,"
remarked one; "but then you're
doctor" . t'..-h ssl
Buy me something that will make
me remember you every time look at
WAS about to part for short time.
Adolphus bought her hand mirror, as
he wished to be remembered often -
AcGregor Netos
While the very young daughter of a
country clergymen was playing in the
garden one day a stranger came along
and inquired If her father was at home.
No" she replied; but my mother is
in the 1use, and she will pray with you,
you poor miserable sinner"
Men should rot allow their wives to
split wood" says q contemporary. This
is rather inconsiderate. How can man
refuse when his wife comes up with
tears in her eyes and says: "Now do,
dear, let me go down cellar and split
wood for an hour TO get up an appc-
tite,"