The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-03-17
A Soene in Congress

Bob Burdette talks thus: My son: e
may be that - you grow older you win
| be seized with an ambition to serve
your country in tho halls of Congress
To this end you should begin now to
acquire that polish and easy elegance
of language which will enable you to
shine in debate. Read the daily pa
pers, and thus familiarize yourself with
the language and manners of the Amer
lean legislator. Cut out the official re-
port of the great financial debate be-
tween the Hon. Mr.. Cleaver and the
Hon. Mr.. Shark, that it may be to YOU
textbook upon monetary matters.
Mr. Cleaver-In presenting this bilE
for the issue of four hundred million
| copper dollars per diem, Mr.. Speaker,
l am moved to say:
Hon. Mr.. Snark-The honorable gem
tleman is dirty liar and dassen't take
| it up. Z
Hon. Mr. Cleaver-Sir, Mr.. Speaker,
if the honorable gentleman doesn't take
that back in two shakes of q sleeps tail
will kick the everlasting stuffing right
out of him.
The Speaker-The gentleman must
be careful, in the heat of debate, not to
overstep the bounds of courtesy and par
iamentary usages.
Hon. Mr.. Snark-The gentleman is .
lop-eared son of a gun from wooden
shoe county, and he can't whip one side
of me.
| Hon Mr.. Cleaver-Will the gentleman
step out from behind his desk and put
up his mauleys? Dance to me, you
sucker, l only weigh a pound
Hon. Mr.. Snark-rn slap your nasty
mouth, you venomous old beast.
Hon. Mr.. Cleaver-Aw-w, shut up.
Skinny; what are you givin' usp
Hon. MIR. GrOans, of Texas-Black
his eve! Hit him in the mouth!
Other honorable gentlemen from va
rious States-Smear him one! Send
him one in the paste-horn, for lucki
Smack him in the snoot!
Hon. Mr.. Candle (the speaker), mild
ly = The honorable gentlemen will
please keep within the bounds of parlia-
mentary courtesy.
Hon. Mr.. Cleaver Dumping up in tho
air and cracking his heels together)-
Whoop! 1 kin chaw up and carry out
any son of a thief between Chicago and
Cairo! If you don't believe it. smell Of
my boots!
Hon. Mr.. Shark Hold me down.
somebody! Pm the bad man from the
river district, and I eat raw buffaloi
Where do you want me to hit firstp
And Just here the police, on their way
to close disorderly house in the neigh
borhood, stepped in and closed the de-
bate.
From this page of Congressional his
tory, my son, you can see how to direct
your reading in order to acquire suf1i-
cient knowledge of financial matters to
participate in debate on the funding
bill. It may be grand thing to 60 to
Congress, won't discourage you, my
dear boy, if your ambition leans in that
direction. Still, so long as you have an
alternative open, so long as you can get
a steady situation as chambermaid in q
livery stable OF clerk on raft wouldn't
advise you to set your heart on Congress.
The American people really do not have
much respect for Congress as body.
They are always glad when it adjourns.
Individually, the members of Congress
are, I believe. good citizens, good
neighbors, and good men. But for
lot of good raw material, my boy, they
can make the meanest aggregate when
they get together - Don't worry
about going to Congress, Telemachus.
Go to the mines or join the minstrels.
Your parents will think more of you.