Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1881-04-07
Some Difficulty About a Dog.

Brooklyn Eagle.
Look here, my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoop.
endyke, as ne led huge and shaggy dog
into his wife's room. "I've got dog q
friend of mine gave me. What do you
think of him?"
Good graciousi" calculated Mrs
Spoopendyke, mounting chair in dis
may. as he mad?
No, Mrs. SpoOpendyke," retorted her
husband, "he not only isn't mad, but he
isn't stepladder, either, nor birds
eye view. He's q dog. and if you don't
get out of that chair he'll probably bite
your legs Oft"
Mrs. Spoopendybe sat down on heI
feet and eyed the brute with some tre-
pidation.
"May he he's got the hydrephobia,
she suggested by way of y hearty well
come.
"P'raps he has," agreed Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, "but il he has he's got it in his
pocket. Come here, doggee, doggee, dog
geeP' and Mr.. Spoopendyke snapped his
fingers persuasively.
"Why don't he come when you call
him ?" asked Mrs. SpOopendyke deeply
Because you make such dod gasted
noise you scare him." explained Mr.,
SpOopeDdyke. 'COme, doggeef'
II don't quite like the way his tongue
hangs out" objected Mrs. SpoOpendyke
1t don't look natural"
Maybe you don't like the way his tail
hangs out, either. P'rhaps you think
that is artificial, too. With your Infor-
nation about dogs you only need slat
bottom and a broken hinge to be dog
pound. Keep quiet now, while l teach
him some trick. Come here, doggee!
Sit up, sirr'
The dog stretched ou; his fOrs-legs
opened mouth like a folding bed-stead
and growled.
What makes him do that ?" asked
Mrs. SpOOpendyke, sitting on the back
of her chair with her feet in the seat.
"Dod CAST it," Eowled Mr. Spoopen-
dyke. "WhO do you s'pose made him
do it? Think he works with a wire ?
Got a notion he goes by stramp He
don't, tell ye, he's alive, and he does it
because that's the bent of his measly
mind. What are you sitting up there
for? Can't you see he don't like it ?
Now, you sit still. Here dOggee, doggee
good doggee, sit up and begp' and Mr.
SpOOpendyke held up an admOnitory
finger.
The dog eyed Mr.. Spoopendyke with
anything but an assuring glance.
"He's hungry" suggested Mrs. Spoop-
endyke. Dogs do like that when they
want to be taken down in the yard and
fed"
"Of course you know" grumbled
Mr.. Spoopendyke. "All you want is
perfect ignorance on the part Of the po-
lice to be dog fighC. Got anything in
the house for him to eat?"
"There's some cold oyster stew and a
piece of custard pie"
That's itp' raved Mr.. Spoopendyke.
That's what's the matter with the dog.
He wants pie! You've got it. You on
ly need committee and fight over the
proceeds to be bench show. Where's
the oysters? Don't you see.the dog pi-
ming for oysters? Haven't you got some
cold coffee for him? Give him lemon
to stay his stemachp and Mr. Spoopen-
dyke jumped straight up in the air and
landed on the dog.
The dog made for the open air with a
howl, and Mr.. Spoopendyke gathered up
twelve baskets Of himself and looked af-
ter his prize.
Never mind, DEAR" said Mrs. Spoop-
endyke soothingly. he'll come back"
''If he does I'll him." shouted Mr..
Spoopendyde. "See what you've done.
You made me lose my dog and tear nay
trousers. Anything more about dogs
you don't know? Got any more intelli-
gence to impart about dogs? All you
want is a bucket of brandy around your
neck and snow storm to be monk Of
st. Bernard" with which logical conlu-
sion Mr.. Spoopennyke began exploring
his outlying districts for possible bites,
while his wife speculated upon the sal
vation of the cold oysters and the Gus
tari pie by the sudden and eminently
satisfactory disaffection of the dog.