The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-06-04


And flower scented green
lies Arabella Murphy,
As usual-kerOsene.
American QUEEN.
Whstdid The pie plant?-Aurora Ners. Dunno
Whom did the brandy sauce ,-,Jolet Ncrs On
the milk punch.-Elgin Adsoca'c. Or the wills
Ky skin
A Connecticut man has Invented a pipe that
Will light Itself. This Is an underhand attempt
Tat will force house painters to find some new
way TO kill time.-BOston Post.
&. Louis is jealous because Chicago boasts OF
'Sacteria" in Its drinking water The st. Lou
istaus don't know what bacteria are and imagine
n to be u fancy drink And so II is.-El.
Richmond physician says that il people will
take bath In hot whisky and rock salt twice a
year, they will escape rheumatism and colds.
But woudn'! that spoil the whisky
The New York Nccs says drinking beer does
rift refresh the memory, whereupon the Keokuk
CpnS.utcr man lisps: THAT delicate matter Is
DE Of the unpieasantest duties Of the bar ten
der."-QR city Derrick
'Do bees thinkP" ia the conundrum that Is
kotherng the pstes Of entomelogsts. The ac-
Cpn OF bees Is so suddn that IL Is impossible to
tlieve that they think. II they considered
Sat never nind.--Ne,o Harcn Register.
Cincinnati girl spent all her leisure time for
three years in learning to box, and then when
she got married and wanted TO fight her husband
SIC pulled her hair and scratched the same as
any other woman would You cant make over
tumaH nature.
The story is told OF an Ohio statesman Of the
Hayes Garfield brand that on one occasion, while
last fall he was entertaining a visitor from
LYt fnFI oil ha uiI yptl oil ynu IA "
tseat will send down to the nearest grocery
and buy you can Of oysters."-Fl.
Was that the reason why Conkling declined
Garieid's Invitation to stay to tea?
A beautiful and touching sight recently oc-
cprred in Cincinnati. While prominent belle
vas at the circus an elephant stepped upon her
foot, and remained there until the young lady
was appraised OF its presence by r. companion,
sNi had It driven away.-Chicago Tribune,
Chicago Times: Lord Roscoe had little lamb,
A. name was Tommy Plat, and when Lord Ros-
coc rose TO go, the lamb no longer sat. 1t fol
flowed him from school one day, 1t was Lord ROs-
cpe's ralc. and why it did 1t all see, 1t was II
little fool "What makes the lamb love Roscoe
~" the t0gas all did cry; because Lord Roscoe
lsssa the lamb" the knowing did reply. And poor
Ctte Tommy Plat doth run about and blcat, for,
having loved Lord Roscoe go, it's lost the public
1eat.
A young hotel clerk narrowly escaped a terri
he death few days ago. He had just purchas-
% new diamond pin to wear at Long Branch
Lotel next season, and while the gem was flash
fng on lis shirt front he fell out of an elevator in
Qlc fourth story. His legs slipped through the
Latcbway, but his diamond, being larger than
de opening, caught on the edge and held him
suspended over the abyss until help came lie
taucs that diamond at more than $40 now.
Some people can invent awful mean slurs.
When the jenkins girl was whaling away at the
riano aud pestered the next door neighbor, the
ReXt door ncighbor came out on the steps, lis.
tened 10 Tue noise q minute, looked up to The
tcukins girls mother, who was at the window,
6nd said Got plumbers at work in your house,
Gavent your No wonder those families don't
speak now.-Boston Post.
The ou,ierJopndrs account OF a marriage
gps headed Mated in May" We suppose that
IJoined in June" aud ATTACHED in August" will
e. the fate OF those who come later in the sea.
ean-Chicdqo Tribune. II q certain event which
Ought TO take place in Chicago. with the 7,iIun,
paragraphist as the center Of attraction, shall
Come OF as soon as II should, there shall be q
ain better Distinguishing in September. -
COurSsT-J.
twas a Boston girl who asked: "Why is /,
Clat two souls. mated In the imperative mystery
q their nativity float by each other on the ocean
Curreuts OF existence without being instinrtively
Drawn together. blended and beautiaeu In the
assimilation alembic OF eternal love" That ID
en easy one II is because butter Is forty five
cents pound and good sealskin sacque cost,
e. high as five hundred dollars. The necessaries
O. life nust experience fall In price before two
Sous will really blend In the assimilated aemblC
and so forth.-NorrtsIo,cn Hs,uM