River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-09-22
IN A NUTSHELL.

exchange. that's true enough. 1t Is
in reading it that the danger lies.
A Chicago pa per notes that while
Cincinnati raised $500 for quarrel
some fellow who slapped another mans
face, she contributed only $17 to the
Garfield Fund.
First vagabond-" See here, John, how
do you stand on the question of the re-
vival of the income taxi" Second vag.
abond-" Well, Joe, if the government
will provide me with the income.
won't mind their taxing it,
A Rhode Island man called neigh
Dor 'lantern-jawed cockroach." A
suit for SANDER resulted, and the jury
returned as follows: "Not guilty on
lantern-jawed but way off on cockroach,
and we find damages in the sum OF
three cents"
1t is difficult to explain the workings
of the youthful mind. A boy who will
listen indifferently to the sublimest
truths of theology, will be aroused to
the acutest interest by the progress OF
a caterpillar over the collar of the bald
headed man in the pew in front of
him.
The thermometer was still above so
when he came in, and taking her hand
tenderly said: Il love you even more
dearly than told you | did last night.
You were silent then, have you any
thing to say to me now?" ooh, yes"
she responded with girlish impulsive-
ness, "let's go sit by the refrigerator
Young lady-"And you really mean
to say that at times you do not have
enough to eat. Why, | always thought
that poor people in the country could
get eggs, bacon, milk and vegetables
for nothing" Country woman-"Only
three things as we gifts fur muffin, Miss
air, water and the parsons advice"
Until a boy is about fifteen years old
MS chief craving is to be hero. After
that he begins to experience change.
His dream of scalping Indians gradu-
ally fades out, and the highest notch OF
his ambition is to sit on the back stoop
with his playmate's sister, and give way
to q feeling of lum-tumminess as ii
were.
A man rresistably concludes that il
must be very pleasant world in which
every passer-by regards him with a
pleasant look and smile; but his salts
faction is leavened when he discovers,
upon his arrival home, that he has been
carrying on the tail of his fur-trimmed
overcoat two white camphor bags, which
madam" thoughtfully pinned there
when she put it away in the Spring.
The Turks were at French ban
quet. Toward the conclusion of the
feast one Frenchman selected a tooth
pick from tray of those useful nipple
ments lying near him, and politely
passed the receptacle to his neighbor,
who, however, peremptorily declined
his offer, exclaiming, "No thank you,
have already eaten two of those things,
and | want no more"
Twas Sunday eve, and the small boy stood
With his eye on the keyhole pressed,
And he saw his sister Bessy's head
On Absolom Thompson's vest.
Then he ran to his parents stern and told
And the parent short replied:
There amt no harm IN a vest; slide out,
But the lad refused to slide
There amt no harm in the vest know
And his eyes flashed bright that minute
DuJ ISL I IL dangerous, udu. he dSkeu,
When Absalom Thompson is in itl'''
A little fellow, who knew Mother
Goose better than he knew his Bible
was asked in his class, "Who were
thrown into the firery furnace?" This
was to much for him. The question
was passed. The answer came prompt
ly, "Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed
nego" This was modification to the
little fellow; and when the next ques-
ton came, "Who put them in?" he ans
wered with jump, Little Johnny
Greenw
The Reno Gazette is responsible fol
this: An old and excellent engineer or
the Central Pacific got a new fireman
the other day, who, after throwing the
big pine blocks for an hour or so, got
very tired of it and thought it no more
than fair to take change. He looked
up to the engineer sitting on his com
Portable seat and said "Here you
throw chunks for awhile, and | will
look out COWS"
At the exposition of electrical ap
paratus just opened in P iris, the Swan
lamp was the great success of the occa-
sion. 1t Is simple in construction. II
is hand lamp with a globe. A wick
of carbon gives out soft light without
heat, and it is said to be of indefinite
duration. 1t is lighted and extinguish.
said that it is cheaper than gas, but fan
more brilliant. All Paris is in ecstacies
over this lamp.
A PARAGRAPH is travelling through
the papers to the effect that the prin-
cipal difference between Flipper, the
cne-armed colored army officer, and
Howgate seems to be that Flipper stole
81 900 and is in Jail, while Howgate
stole $400, 900 and is in Canada The
difference is not so great after all
Each took all he could lay his hands
on, and both love their country. Flip
per started for Mexico, but didn't get
there.
Among the many prospectors of
Utah year ago were four young men,
who were rewarded by the valuable
discovery of a mine near Haley. One of
the young men had lady friend, and
it was decided to name the mine after
her, and to so fix the title that, in case
of their death it should be hers. Last
winter, while working upon their claim,
the whole party were buried beneath a
snow slide, and now the young lady is
planning what good she will do with
the $4,000 that has been offered her
for her neat little legacy.
TIE railway passenger war contin-
ues and rates are cheapening. Passen-
ger tickets are now selling in Chicago,
over the Michigan Central and the
Michigan Southern and Lake Shore
railroads. for SIS to New York, with a
rebate of so making the trip only S., }
and to Boston, via Albany, for $l6, with
rebate of $40. The Pennsylvania
sells tickets at substantially the same
rates. The Baltimore and Ohio sells
tickets to New York for IS, without a
rebate. The Grand Trunk company is
selling round trip tickets to Boston for
$40, good for thirty days" single trip
tickets to New York for SO, and round
trip tickets to New York, good until
used" for S15.
Minnesota Debt.
ST. PAUL, Sept. 1.-THE supreme
court made public to-day the most inn
portant decision ever rendered in Min
nesota. 1t was upon an application for
an injunction to prohibit the tribunal
r Z IL. i L