Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1881-09-10
Humorous Paragraphs.
A scrub rnce-Floor washers.

'o'"o vi 'he new Donnets nre CT led
"snipos. This must DO on account of t55
length of tho bill.
a squatter's shanty ont near the TarL
bears this sign: Fresh eggs for SALE ,i
every day by Mrs. Cooley"
When a mans money is gone his frienis
crop oil ike buttons from pair of rensy
made pants.-BoSton Globe.
The correspondent who wants to k,o,v
who are aesthetics is informed that tbev NM,
the idiots who haven't yet becn committ,l
to an asylum.-Acc Hucen Register.
DO not marry widowor," said r.o
old lady. "A rcody-mndc family is Ike
plate of cold potatoes. "Oh, IN sr-.,
warm them over, replied the damsel, and
she did.
One young man asked another if no vo-o
able always to please the ladies' al neyer
go so far ms to try to please them. ,y8s
tho answer; "it takes all my tact not to dis.
please them"
A henpecked husband said. in erionr,
ton OF HIS wife,s raids upon his scnlp, "You
sec, she takes her own hair of so .os;l,
she doesn't know how it hurts to have
pulled out. \"
young man in this city, short f, mo
ago, proposed to lady several YEAR
senior, and for an answer she soid HI
gnoss don't want to take boy To mi r ..
Tho young man is now raising moust.
Youngstown co., Nccs.
Western metaphor: This is tho o,ost
Western form of saying man was hanged.
He was unanimously chosen by CON
vent'on Of six property. holders to jump
from new pine platform into tho sweet
subsequently,.
In speaking of newly welded pair,
gentlemen said of tho husbands Tho
trouble with John is, no has no mind of
his own "Oh, that makes no difference;
Sarah will always DO ready to give him n
piece of hers responded the Indy.
Afflicted man: No. it's no disgrace to bs
named Smith. We'd rather be named
Smith and own over 100000, 900 than TO
be called St Lawrence De We're and have
to be bushful OF + tho tho dog tax collector.-
Boston Post.
Vassnr has one smart girl who win s. tho
hereafter DO heard of in womon's rights
societies. She described "straw" ms bt,,s-
hollow thing with ten cent man or opo
end of it and twenty-ccnt drink on Tho
other cnd.-N. Y. Herald.
Ma, has your tongue got legs?" "Got
what child?' SCOT legs. map" "Certainlv
not; but why do you ask that question:
ION, nothing; only heard papa soy that
your tongue was running from morning
till night.
"Keep way from dat Niger / tall vo,
said Uncle Rubo to his sable laughter
keep way from him. He's like wbnI do
'postle John lived on in de wildness."
allows datp" she asked. Glow cnss
an'wild, honey" replied Uncio Rubo.
Smother, what is an angelo" "An
angel? Well, an angel is child that flies"
=" But mother, why does papa always call
my governcss an angel!" "Well." OK
planned tho mother, after moments pause
"she is going to fly Immediately. I"
A country surgeon, who was bald, was
on a visit to friends house, whose servant
wore wig. After bantering him con
siderable time, the doctor said, I" You sec
how bald am, and yet don't wear wig"
"True Sir" replied tho servant but an
einp'y uarh requires no thatch."
fellow once attended a masked b,lj
without mask or domino. The lady of
tho house, little piqued at this slight, an.
preached him and said: "And pray, sir.
what character do you nssume?" al appear
MS gentleman" said ho. "Ah! n c1pitai
disguise y and no made himself scarce,
At the annual meeting of tho Victoria
Philosophical Institute of Great Britain,
recently held in London, one Of the sus,kors
was "Sir IL. Bnrkly, X. C. b., G. Z. NJ,
+. Il. s.. The room being crowded, he
left tho rest Of tho alphabet hanging npon
the hntrnck in tho vestibulo. - Mr..
XeroM
Wide.nwnke: "Comc. now, guess what
my favorite flower is" said the spinster
housskoeper to tho widowcr's little bow. ma
they were walking in tho fields .ccetber.
lie was lad who kept his wits about Nm
aud his Dyes open, SO he answered "a he
looked mp with m arch expression, Pop.
w.'- B'o,i Eogtc.
FIRST class Ia rihise. siand upl Ya, I'll.
ton, what is truihi" 'Truib Il 81 90
than fiction" 'Ohl ii is, is itp Well II nav
l'o IN your casc, for have no doubt that
Il Providence has been Just To you. ID has
mads YOU pretty Intimate With fiction bnt
can't you give any other explanation Of
truth" "Truth is \ disease that General
Washington died Of, an as You aud
weren't alive then, wo never caught ~ .
While one Of tho Judges Of tho Supreme
Cont Of the State Of California was no.
Gently staying At Paris, he went 10 visit a
frercl professor. Tho Fronchman asked
him Number OF questions, aud, anon. tho
rest, where do you live" ain Calitoruia.
swell. : asked the rude Gaul. "Yhot IL
fopr, occupationY" 81 am Judge Of lbs
Suprcme Court" .Oh, ah returned NO
frenchmap, "thon need -s.et atk your
nane--it is Lynch, CHIP
Evidonce of miracls.--Dr. Louis, of
New Orleans, who u something OF a wne
called upon colored minister and pro.
pounded few pnzziing questions. "Why
iss't' said ne, that You are not able 10 do
tho miracles that the Apostles didf They
were protected aOtiuht NIL r,oiss,,. ,uJ IA