The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-06-24
HUMORS OF THE DAY.

GA BIRD in the hand is worth"-$2 80
If 1t happens to be canary.
WHEN pretty Irish girl is stolen
away they suspect some Boycotter.
A WASHINGTON paper has column
headed Religious Refrains" A great
many people in Washington refrain from
! religion.
AMIssIssIpPIman puts itthus: cat the
earnest solicitation of those to whom
L owe money have consented to become
candidate for County Treasurer.
The inhabitants of the Cannibal Is
lands have discovered trichina in an
American missionary. This is sad
blow at one of the country's leading ex-
ports.
A MONITOR Indian, who was recently
convicted of murder, expressed his opin-
ion Of the lawyer who defended him with
delicious frankness: 'Lawyer too much
talk! Heap fool"
my DEAR" said an anxious matron
to her daughter, cit is very wrong for
young people to be throwing kisses at
leach other" "Why so, mamma Tn
sure they don't hurt even if they do
hit"
AT AN ''impassionist" painters: "What
sort of subject are you going to paint
on that immense black canvas?" Glow,
sir? That sir, is my greatest master
piece" "Is it? What is it?' ga pic
ture of nothing in space. "-London
Punch.
A DoUBTING mother placed some nitro
glycerine in her daughters corset on the
evening her fellow was coming. The
girl loaned them to the cook, and they
had to scrape the old man off the ceiling
to get enough of him to hold decent
funeral over.
A MINISTER, while marrying a couple
recently, was rather disconnected on ask
ing the bridegroom if he was willing to
take the young lady for his welded wife,
by scratching his head and saying: eyes,
I'm willing; but I'd much rather have
her sister. '-ProUideTce Star.
The cyprupedium ssonsi. variety platy-
toenium was recently sold in London for
over $500. We instructed our agent not
to buy until he could obtain the sbzklei-
lium stonsi variety glimsysytanium.
That's the kind of an orchid we banker
after.-NeaU York Commercial Adver-
tiSeg'.
A MINISTER commenced his sermon by
observing, "What shadows we are p
and then paused, as if to let the thought
sink deeply into the minds of his congre-
cation, whereupon two lean spinsters, in
p front pew, guessed that they didn't
come there to be insulted, and got UP
and strobe Indignantly out. -BrookIyn
Eagle.
A NEWLY MARRIED lady, who, asiu duty
bound, was very fond of her husband,
Notwithstanding his extreme ugliness of
person, once said to witty friend:
''What do you think? My husband laid
ent fifty gllineas for large baboo1, just
to please mei ''The dear little man, -
cried the other. "Well, it's just like
him. "-BoSton Transcript.
SHE was talking on the cars, and she
said: 'The meanest people are those
who peep ont of windows to see what
their neighbors are doing. Now, this
morning I was looking through the
blinds of my window, and what do you
suppose [ saw that mean Mrs Jones
doing? Why, she was peeping through
the blinds to see if I saw her-the mean
woman p
They had been engaged to be married
fifteen years, and still he had not mus
tered up resolution enough to ask her to
name the happy day. One evening he
called in a particularly spoony frame of
mind, and asked her to sing him some
thing tender and touching, something
that would ''move" him. She sat down
at the piano and sang: Darling, I am
growing old. Brooklyn Eaqle.