The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1881-08-17
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIT IND WISDOM.
The surf at Newport is now full of diving
bellies. Boston Courier
The indications now are that Guiteau will
die unwept, unhonored and unswung. -Bos-
ton Courier.
When dog howls at night 1t is the sign Of
death. It is if We can get at the brute
Boston Post. IS
Model wives formerly took ga stitch in
time, !" now, with the aid of sewing machine
they take one in no time.
Severe-Frugall andlady OF boarding house.
--"Coming home to dinner, Mr.. Brown"
Hearty Bosrder-" Well, p'r'aps. If don't
feel hungry"
A canalboat owner who Is proprietor of
craft named Roscoe Conkling" is having
another built to be named Me Too"
Boston Post.
1t is said that thirty persons in small
town in Michigan were poisoned recently by
eating sausages. This comes from leaving
brass colors on dogs.
Old preverb: "The darkey's hour is just
before the dawn, remarked Sambo, when he
started out before daybreak to steal a young
chicken for break fast.--New Orleans Times.
Mile. Alice Grevy, the daughter of the
French President, has very nice eyes and a
Velasouez face.-Detroit Free Press. Has,
ehP Ahem! Pass that Greyy this way,
please. --Yacob Strauss.
Cucumbers are only Eve cents each. Yonk-
ara Gazetts That,a cheap enough for the
cucumber, but it's the funeral that costs the
money .-Boston Post.
A new Tichborne claimant en- route. Il
is said he can speak aud write French per-
fectly. "Ah |" says Mrs. Camp, 1--WE shall
soon ave another nobleman languaging in
prison.-Punch
A fatterer strikes snag Madam" he
CALAMITY observed, al have your image pho
tograpbed upon my heart.'' Indeed she
said, "a sort of negative impression of me,
suppose. Brooklyn Eagle.
A fair maiden's curiosity "Now do
tell me, Charley" said Mrs. Gigglegush,
who is spending the summer In the country,
(which COW is it that gives the ice cream I'm
just dying to see her."--Boston Transcript.
In one of his verses. Oscar Wilde, the
aesthetic poet, alludss to esthe barren memory
of unkissed kisses" An unbiased kiss
probably is the barrenest thing within the
range Of human experience. Philadelphia
Bulletin.
A man need not fatter himself on every
thing about his house being as regular rs
clockwork, simply because he buys every
thing on tick. Unlike clock, he will run
down when his affairs are wound up.-Boston
Transcript.
An Albany man has rented a vacant lot
near his residence, fenced it in, and fitted It
up as play ground for the boys of the neigh
borhood. In other words, he furnishes play
ground to avoid having a plague round
Boston Post. ssea
The name ofthe town Red Rose, Ark, was
first called "Tulip." Then 1t was changed
to "Smithville, then to Hyde City" then
to ''Pokerville, then to "Bluff Corners"
and finally TO Red Rose. Next year 1t will
smell as sweet by some other name. Brook
lyn Eagle.
Emile Garardin, the great French journ-
alist, used to rise at 4 O'Clock every morning.
And now he 10 dead. 1t 10 sad, sad lesson,
but let US not forget its warning. Let M but
lay our hand on our respective hearts and say
that rather than initiate bis fault If IL is
necessary for us to be up at A. NJ, We will
sit up to 1t. To arise at it--ah, this Is too,
too; 1t is too utterly Burlington Hawk
eye.
Proof positive.-Wife (who has been sssit-
sitting up" Well, this isl pretty time to
come homel Four o'clock ~ Husband lwho
has never taken but one glass Of curious
compound spoken of, by himself, as Whis-
kanwarra" ! Unfort'nly ror you. mann, 1t
sho 'appen, curious lenuif, parsh'd Trinity,
madam, and heard it strike one (Eic) sheveral
times madam 70 Retires to bed in triumph
and-his boots.
Suggestion for Mr.. Gladstone: The at
taehcs Of this paper have general instructions
not to interfere seriously with the affairs Of
foreign nations, but all the same We cannot
help incidentally suggesting to @ ladstons that
if the present Irish disturbance continues the
erection of a stout board fence along the
English coast, on the side furthest from
Ireland. might be useful in preventing tho
British lion from backing overheard. San