St. Landry democrat., 1881-09-24
The Modern Hat.Rack.

explicable only on the theory of it's de-
moniacal origin. Indeed, the human
mind is so constituted that it instinct
lively refers all the contrivances osten-
sibly intended for no ding hats to the
devil, and most of us would confess u
belief that the devil makes hat-racks
did we not fear the derision Of so-called
philosophers. Is it reasonable to sup
pose that any human being seriously de-
signed for a good purpose the combi-
nation OF brass rods which is to be seen
above the tables in certain restaurants?
Ostensibly these rods are intended for
the temporary storage of hats; but
when man tries to put his hat on q
brass-rod rack it instantly falls down
again, and brings with it two other hats
and pile of newspapers, the former of
which upset the caster, while the latter
diffuse themselves over the butter and
the beetsteak. Nothing but the theory
of the active influence of evil spirits can
account for this style of hat-rack, and
yet it is really inferior in ingenious ma
Lightly to the common hat-rack of pri-
vate houses.
This diabolical continuance is always
placed in the dark corner of the hall
fact which shows that evil spirits are
concerned not merely in manufacturing
but in placing it. The consequence is
that the visitor gropes for it, and SO do
ing infallibly knocks down the over
coats and hats which are already hung
upon it, When he is able to perceive
it with his eyes, he can find no salts
factory peg. The malicious manufac-
turer meyer fails to make the~pegsa SO
short that to induce a ats.to balance
itself upon one of them is a task requir-
ing both time and dexterity. Not con-
/ tent with this the manufacturer places
the pegs SO close together that it is i'm
possible for two adjoining pegs to- sup
port each its own hat at the same time.
The ordinary visitor learns this truth
only BY sad experience. He persists in
trying to hang his hat on the peg Bnext
to that which bears the hat of the head
of the house, and it is only after he has
knocked the original hat down with his
own hat, and then knocked his own hat
down by trying to restore the other to
its original place, that he perceives the
fell purpose Of the maker of hat-racks.
Only the ingenuity of demons could
have combined an umbrella stands with
q hat-rack. The object of this unholy
combination is obviously to tempt the
visitor to deposit his overcoat on the
protruding handles of half a dozen
umbrellas and canes. The prudent
man rarely attempts to hang his over
coat on peg, for he knows that in so
doing he will knock down all the hats
Moreover, it is the practice Of the
satanic manufacturer to put in the pegs
SO loosely that the weight of an over
coat when put on any one Of them will
pull it out. He therefore folds his over
coat up and lays it gently on the UNI
brella handles. Instantly these delu-
sive supports give way. A rafting
avalanche of canes and umbrellas
strikes on the marble floor, and the be-
trayed overcoat gathers to itself all the
available dirt that has accumulated in
the bottom of the umbrella stand, while
the startled and indignant visitor breaks
into language which might well fill |
listening demons with fiendish Joy. So |
notorious has the character of the COM
bined hat-rack and umbrella stand be-
come that wise men never NEEDLE with |
it, but uniformly place their folded
overcoats on the floor in corner of the
hall, and put their hats on their over
coats.
Now, if we attempt to account for
the hat-rack on any theory which ex-
cludes the supernatural. we make a
complete failure. 1t is in vain for us
to ask ourselves why men should make
an article of furniture that can accom-
plish no conceivable end except the ex-
OF mankind. The moment
we assume that hat-racks are the work
of evil spirits. they become coherent
and ineligible. Is it not, then, pity
that the abolition of faith in evil spirits
leaves us without any method OF ac-
counting for the existence of hat-racks,
and compels us to say that we do not
know, and cannot conceive, for what
purpose they are made?-M. =. Times.