River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-08-11
A Comedy OF Blunders.

"Why, who has been smashing your
furniture?" the reporter asked in
amazement as he entered the sitting
room of Mr.. Brenton Wards house in
Monroe ST., Brooklyn, and noticed that
a handsome, highly-polished rosewood
writing table, for which he knew Mr..
Ward had paid $50 Il few days previ-
ously, was wrecked and ruined. The
back part of the drawer was wrenched
out, and splinters of wood were on the
floor. A hammer, chisel, and saw
on the csrpet seemed to indicate that
the mischief was of recent occurrence,
and bag of gold coin was on the sofa.
Mr.. Ward looked foolishly at his wife
and Mrs, Ward looked dejectedly at her
husband as he stood in his shirt sleeves
before her
"Well, | suppose | may as well tell
the story" Mr.. Ward said, as he slow
~ resumed his coat, and wiped the
beads from his brow with his handker-
chief ~ did it with Marys assistance
ten minutes ago. You see, never was
q Vanderbilt in point of wealth, and
when my poor old uncle died the other
day and left me So, 600 it somewhat de-
moralized me- | changed it all into
gold-the gold you see on the sofa-and
placed it in the table drawer. looked
at it pretty often, you may be sure, and
about half an hour before YOU came in
] went to the drawer and tried to open
it, The key would not turn, and after
| had blown into it till the whistle it
gave could be heard ut the other end of
the block, and | was black in the face,
both Mary and came to the conclus-
ion that somebody had been tampering
with the lock.
'Mary nearly tainted at the prospect
of the gold having been stolen, and
suggeste that information of the mat
ter he sent to the police at once. |
thought, however, that we had better
first break into the drawer, and satisfy
ourselves that the money was really
gone. We borrowed a chisel, a saw,
and hammer of the old gentleman
next door, and | set to work with a will.
The result you see. The table was ut
terly cestroyed in five minutes, but it
was great relief to find the gold all
right. We had broken in at the back,
and there is nothing the matter with
the lock. The girl, after moving the
table cut from the wall to dust behino
it, had put it back wrong side first; but
both sides are made exactly alike the
only difference being that what looks
like keyhole in the back is false, and,
of course | could not turn the key in
it. 1t was all owing to the greenhorn
girls stupidity, you see"
The Wealthiest Chinaman in New York.
Tom Lee is short, slender man of
modest manner, and of an extremely
retiring disposition. He wears a stiff
Derby hat, into the crown of which he
pokes his queue. This causes the hair
on the back of his head to stand out
like the quilts of an angry porcupine,
or the hair on a cats back, rubbed the
wrong way. He has tiny black NOUS
tache, and sparse growth Of wiry
black hair on his chin. He wears
diamond pin in an old-fashioned scraf,
and an eight-ounce gold watch chain
bangles from the third button Of his
waistcoat He is well-to do; owns three
tea farms in China, and is worth few
thousands, perhaps. He is a very in
fluential man among Cinnamon. He
is Christian, a citizen, deputy sher-
III, anu Is HldIIleu bo IL gin WIZ NdS
born down town, somewhere in that
neighborhood. She has born him
lovely little daughter, of whom Tom
Lee is justly very proud. He talks
pigeon English, but he dresses as you
and l dc, except that he wears his
queue. Very many among the 5000
Chinese in New York retain their pig
tails, not because they cannot go back
to China without them, or because Of
any heather notion about them, but
because a good many Cinnamon who
were cigarette or cigar makers in Cuba
have come here from Cuba without
their queues. They were rid of those
appendages in Cuban prisons where
they were sent for wrong doing, and it
is considered best by respectable China
men not to cut off the queue, 80 as &c
obviate the necessity of explaining
where and how it disappeared