davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
Rube HOffenstein's Horse.

"New Orleans will be great blace,
Misder Hoffenstein," said Herman,
sven de railroads will be running here
from the Vest and oder parts uf de goun-
try, won't it?"
"Herman, don't dalk to me aboud de
railroads." replied Hoffenstein, sit
makes me dink uf de way haf been
swindled by dem. Vonce I dinks it
would be nice to haf horse to drive NIT
buggy, und a man dells me dot he will
sell me Won, and We made drade. Vat
you dink, Herman, gif for de horse?"
az don't know, Misder Hoffenstein,"
"Vell, den will tell you. got him
cheap. I gif dree dollars and viddle.
Alder got de horse finds dot he haf
de worms, und don't can do nothing but
hang his under lip down. und sleep ali
de day. Vile vas trying to get the
horse veil, de railroad cars come along
nnd kill him. ] makes oud my CLAIM
against de railroad people, md 1 del!s
dem dot dey haf killed my buggy horse
und dot he vas vert hundred dollars.
Won uf de railroad men dell me dot he
will envesdigate de matter, und to come
back de next week. Ven / goes back
says: 1 haf come around to get dc
money for my horse vat you kill NIT de
car Vot you dink, Herman, dc man
says? I've don't pay you noding. We
haf shust found oud dat de killing uf
your horse vas not an accident. He
wanted TO commit suicide und got ON de
drack und waited for de drain to run
over him. De law says you don't can
get damages from a railroad under desc
circumstances derefore, my dear sir,
your claim vas wort noting My gr-r-a-
cious, Herman, dink how / vas swindled
by de railroad, de internal monopoly
but / got even NIT dem anyway. heard
man say dot railroad drain would gel
sgared und stop il dey saw red light al
night, und dinks ofer vot he says.
Veil, my house vas near we're de rail
road vas, and blind mule vat don't
belong to no Won vas loafng around
Alder vile / dinks uf something, und
gets red lamp Won night und ties it mi
de mules neck, und dook him we're dt
railroad runs. 1 leaves him dere. NJ
gracious, Herman, all dot night dt
drains vos visiting und stopping und
putting de brakes on, und de gonductol
he swear at eferyding vile he smashes dc
lamp und makes de mule go way. Efer,
night for q couple uf weeks ties rec
lamp NIT de mules neck, und sends hin
up de railroad drack. Ven he hears d
vistle, und de drain sdops he knows h
will get beat init sdicks if he sdays dere
und he runs away. Dot mule alder avil
learned his pisness und he would go ou
und sdop efery drain vat run on d
road. Joe. O. Aby.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
Conductors and Bogus Coin.

"Some of ems made of lead, you
know" said street-car conductor, apol-
ogetically, as he pocketed a silver half
dollar, after giving it a vigorous scrape
with his steel punch. "Some of 'em
lead and some of 'em brass so we have
to look sharp. It's easy enough to tell
the lead half-dollars by scraping em
with the punch, but you never know a
brass coin until the silver is worn off
from the outside"
"Where do the bad coins come from ?"
was asked.
"That's more'n know-where they
come from in the first place. It's mostly
women that give 'em to us. You see
when a man gets hold of bad half
dollar, he don't feel just like passing it
off himself, so he just gives it to his
wife and don't say anything about it.
And even if she does know the piece is
bad, it doesn't make a mite of difference.
A woman, young man, is one of the
the qneerest things in the world-one of
the quee-e-e-rest things in the world. 1
often stop and say to myself: Well,
now, what in thunder did she do that
forY A woman has no idea of other
peoples rights at all. So, when she gets
hold of a bad half-dollar, she just
naturally passes it off again. Dishonest !?
Why, bless you, no, she doesn't mean
to do anything dishonest; it's just her
natur; she can't help it. She don't
want the half-dollar of course she
don't-so there is just one thing 10 do,
and that is to pass it off on some one
el.e. But you have to be powerful care
full how you treat woman. Some of
/ 10 hal tl,e
now, and others won't let You touch EN-
So either way you do, you are sure to
make half of 'em mad. / stopped the
cart was only yesterday morning-to
let woman get off; gave her plenty OF
time, and she got both feet on the
ground, then the car started; but she
wanted it to wait until she was yard
away, so what does she do but jump on
again, and make the car come to a dead
stop. There is no accountin' for 'em no
"Most of them go by the elevated
road now, do they not %
"Yes, good many of 'em do. Before
the elevated road was built I used tc
carry the girls to the Normal Schoo
every morning. They used to come al
at once, so many of them they had to sit
in one another's laps. That made
four rows, and I just tell you they
looked as fresh and sweet as a basket o.
peaches all ranged in rows. But 1 dom
see much of 'em now."
"You regret that, suppose?"
"Well, now, don't know. I'd rathe
carry a car full of men any day. The.
know what a conductors business is
and don't get mad for nothing. The,
give us fewer counterfeits, too. Why,
have glass dollar up at the house nov
that a woman gave me. was a fool t,
take it, but I'll pass it off on some mai
again. When the car is pretty darl
they won't notice it. You see they'r
not used to it, as 1 am.-NeU York Tri
| bune
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
Struggle With a Porter.House Steak.

''This is the porter-house, is it ?" asked
the sad passenger, sitting at the corner
table in the restaurant.
.'Yes SIR" said the waiter, with the
weary air of man who was tired of hav
| ing to tell the same lie thousand times
| day, porter-house steak, sir; same as you
| ordered SIR
"Do you cut porter-house steak from
between the horns this year ?" asked the
sad passenger, with the information of a
man who wanted to know.
''Sir % said the waiter.
"It seemed to be trihe tenderer last
| year." the sad passenger went on, with
! the air of tired man indulging in pleas
, ant "reminiscences of the past; "but re-
member now; it was cut a trihe lower
: down then. Last year you cut your por
ter-house steaks from the curl in the fore
head and the sirloins from the shin. But
I think this comes from between the
horns. fused to live in boarding house
where they cut the porter-house between
| the horns, and this one reminds me of
them. Animal dead this steak came
from ?"
Dead echoed the astonished waiter;
"course, sir. He was butchered, sir, :"
''Butchered to make Roman holiday" :"
sighed the passenger. "He would be
more likely to make a Roman swear.
Well, it was time he was killed. He
hadn't many more years to live on this
earth. All, here is the brass tip from one
of his horns. Dropped into the steak, no
doubt, while you were slicingi it off. What
do you do with these steaks when the
guests are through with them?''
The waiter looked puzzled. "Why, sir, ~
he said, "they amt nothing left Of 'em
when customers gets through with 'em,
sir"
''Possible?" said the sad passenger;
"what becomes of them?"
The waiter looked nervous. "What!' he
said; ''the customers eat them up"
The sad passenger looked up with al
air of interest. "Incredible!" he ex.
claimed; "can not accept your statement
without proof. They may hide them
under their chairs, or secrete them in
their napkins, or they may carry then
away i'll their pockets to throw at burg.
lars, but can not believe they eat them
Here, let me see one of them eat this
and I will believe you. Trust me, gooi
waiter, II
But the waiter pointed to a placard in
scribed: Positively no trust" and wen
to the cashiers desk to tell the boss tx
look out for that man at the corner table
as he didn't seem to be satisfied with hi
steak and had asked for trust.-BurlinQ
ton HalUkeue,
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
When Is Horse

When is horse like business man
in trouble? When he breaks. When is
he like a miner? When he is working in
the shafts. When is he like selecting a
cheese? Whenhe has bit in his mouth
When is he like a lover? When he is
going on swinging gate. When is he
like young lady out shopping? When
he is driven home by the reins. When
is he like negro entry clerk? When
he is a coal black charger When is he
like man who has eaten himself full ?
When he is stalled. When is he like a
drunken man? When he has the stag
gers. When is he like these conundrums
When he is played out.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
THE use of sawdust in mortar is recom-

THE use of sawdust in mortar is recon-
mended as superior even to hair for the
prevention of cracking and subsequent
pealing off of rough casing under the
action of storms and frost. A house, ex-
posed to long storms on the seacoast, had
pieces of mortar to be renewed each
spring, and after trying without effect a
number of substances to prevent it, the
owner found sawdust perfectly satisfac-
tory. 1t was first thoroughly dried and
sifted through an ordinary grain sieve,
to remove the large particles The NOR
tar was made by mixing one part of ce-
ment, two of lime, two of sawdust, and
five of sharp sand, the sawdust being
first well mixed dry with the cement and
sand
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
Cough.

After all his lifelong work upon the
platform, and with the high fees his
fame and abilities justly command, John
B. Cough is not rich man. His private
charities are as large and numerous as they
are unostentatious, for this great-hearted
man does not let his left hand know what
his right hand does. He has met with
frequent and heavy losses on account of
the tender-hearted willingness with
which he puts his valuable autograph on
the back of friends album for ninety
days, and the almost infallible certainty
with which he is compelled to get it back
again for himself when the three short
months have flown. Mr.. Cough ought to
be worth $500, 900, but like most men
whose hearts are wrapped up in, and
whose lives are consecrated, to some great
work of reform, he is not good bust
ness man, and impecunious friends and
suffering humanity have got most of the
money the great apostle of temperance
has earned by hard platform work.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
A Colorado Sunset.

Standing upon the margin of lovely
lake in the bosom of the Nesting mount
aims above the beautiful Village of
Georgetown, in Colorado, one can see
sunset more brilliant and beautiful than
was ever looked upon In the East, and
which is only equaled by the virgin reach
of reddening light which mellows into
twilight shadows on the plains. I saw it
on summer evening when all nature was
hushed in stiffness. The frefies shot
through the growing dusk like sparkling
louries in Egyptian night. Overhanging
forest and swart and blackened crag were
reflected in the green waters of the lake.
The sun hovered, as in fascinated spell,
above the mountain tops, while rays of
golden light, flushed with crimson peak
and turret on natures battlements. 1t
seemed to glow and expand like an open
ing rose, until it became full-blown, and
cast its arrowy pencilings for miles across
the sky like mighty flame. Then, as if
ashamed of its boldness, it drew veil of
grayish mist about its face and blushed
beneath it. The mist changed into a
cloud shaped like crescent, with ragged
fr1nges hecked with gold, and in its
wonderful aspect recalled the legends of
Mohammed's banner, red and lurid be-
meath Asian skies. Even as looked it
changed. The darkening scarlet was
transformed to ruby brilliancy. Long
lines of pallor whitened on the parti-col-
ored surface, side by eide with golden
lances, which seemed to flash from the
glowing orb like dissolving rays. The
enamored sky for one feverish instant
caught and mirrored all the colors of the
rainbow. Then again it darkened-
flushed and paled-and drawing the
lowering draperies of the night about it,
sank out of sight. The stars came out
The night-hawk poised on swoopine
pinion, shrieked above the forest solitude
The leafy murmur of the moaning pines
took up the refrain and awoke the spell
bound senses into life and action. The
charm was gone, but the beauty fingered
ON the fancy like a beautiful memory
Omaha Herald.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

Easy Hour. in recent issue says: But
one of the most important ievelopements
concerning ST. JACOBS on is tie dlscovely
that it has properties which are SenenclM
to the animal as well as to the Suman
species 1t has, Of late, been in active &c
mand among livery men and others for use>
on horses suffering from sprains or abra-
sions. The most prominent instance known
of in this connection, is that related by Mr..
David Walton, well-known Friend, who
keeps a livery stable at 1245 North Twelfth
street. Mr. Walton states that he was
boarding valuable horse belonging to
Benjamin McClurg, also a resident OF
North Twelfth street. A few weeks ago
the animal slipped and badly sprained his
leg, making him very lame. Mr.. Walton
used two bottles of ST.. JACOBS On on the
animal and found within less than ono
week, that there was no need for any moro,
for the animal was as well as ever.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
A GRAND STEEPLE CHASE.

As if there were not sufficient excitement
at the usual horse-race, these meetings on
the turf nearly always close with grand
steeple chase. This kind of race combines
ali the excitement of the regular race, with
the super-added element Of danger which
seems to give further zest to the sport.
Horses, and good ones at that, often receive
severe injuries, which render them practis
cally useless for long periods. At least
this was the state of affairs until owners
and breeders of fine stock began to freely
use ST. JACOBS OH, the Great German
Remedy for man and beast. This invalu-
able article to horsemen has SO grown into
favor on account of its phenomenal efficacy
in diseases of domestic animals, especially
the horse, that it would be difficult indeed
TO discover a horsemen unacquainted with
its magical potency. The Philadelphia
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
Stage Terms.

The general term used to designate an
actor is " "fakir," word which originally
meant magician. From it is coined
the verb "fake," which means to initiate
or sham. Few actors are willing to
acknowledge that other actors are good;
hence the slang of the theater is used to
designate bad actors. Of these the most
frequent are "dufer," "snide actor"
and "bum actor" The variety" play
er is looked down upon by the legiti-
mate actor, and is called "ham."
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
Almost Young Again.

Neuralgia and dull, heavy, inactive condition
of the whole system headache nervous pros
tration, and was almost helpless. No physi-
clans or medicines did her any good. Three
months ago she began to use Hop Bitters, with
such good effect tina. she seems and feels young
again, although over seventy years old. We
think there is no other medicine fit to use in
the family."-A Lady in Providence, R. l.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

The "rose" diamond is so called not
from any popularity of color, as many
suppose, but from the form into which
it is cut, which is twenty -four facets,
with the base plane. In the "bril-
liant" pattern, invented during the reign
of George l., the stone is cut in form of
a double cone, the lower end pointed,
upper end truncated
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
RESCuEn EROMnEATu.

William ]. Coughn, of Somerville, Mass, says: "1n
the fall 1876 taken with BLEEDING LUNGS,
followed by cough. l lost my appetite and
flesh, and confined to my bed. In 1877 was ad-
mtted the hospital The doctors said had hole in
my lung big a half dollar. At time report
went around that was dead. gave up hope but a
friend told of DR. WILLIAM HALLS BALSAM
FOR THE LUNGS. Igot bottle when, to my surprise,
commenced to feel BETTER and to-day feel better than
for three years past write this hoping one af
ficted with Diseased Lungs will take DR.. WILLIAM
HALLS BAISAM, and be convinced that CONSu MP
TION CAN BE CURED. can positively say it has done
good than all the other medicines have taken
ince my sickness"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

The close confinement of all factory work,
gives the operatives pallid faces, poor appetite,
languid, miserable feelings, poor blood, inactive
liver, kidneys and urinary troubles, and all the
physicians and medicine in the world can not
help them unless they get out OF doors or use
Hop Bitters, the purest and best remedy, es-
pecially for such cases. having abundance Of
health, sunshine and rosy cheeks In them.
They cost but trife. See another column
Christidn Recorder.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

IT IS said that large proportion of
boiler makers are deaf, which seems to
be due to the rupture or deadenlng OF
the tympanum, in consequence OF the
repeated shock to which it is subjected
by the sound of hammering on iron
mates during the years of service.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
THE MARKETS.

C!NCINNATI;.FLouR- Fancy, 81 1907 75;
family, Sc so@7 TO-. Rye -four, S. 6o@6 10 Wheat
| so, the latter for Mediterranean; No. 8 red,
81 43A; good to prime, 81 4O@1 A Corn-No. 2
s No. soG siP at 5s@eac eS oatsNo No 9o m1ed ia
441ac. Rye-No. 2, 81 13h@1 IA. Barley--Prime
fall, 81 12@1 is. Hay-Prime to choice timothy,
packing, s6 50@7 O0 light and medium weights,
Sc 35G6 85. PRovIsIoNs-Mess pork, $40 75@21 90.
Lard, 12c. Sugar-cured hams. 134@1S1ac. Whisky
81 IA. FRUIT AND DVEGETABLEs-Peaches, 81 Oo@
2 SO and So O0G3 so, a. to quality. Apples-Com-
mon to prime, 81 50@2 90 per brl. Ounces, 81 O0@
Grapes, 4@4hc. per ID. for Concord snd SC. for
barrel. Potatoes, So so per brl.
NEW sYoRK:IGotton. 1lZs@121se; Flour-su.
90 Wheat-Sfilwaukee spring, 81 40; hard No :
81 4s7z@1 AZ; No white, 81 4s. Corn-No. 2,
7s@73a. No white, s6@s7c Mess pork, $40 rs
@2o 90. Lard, 12. 321a912 421ac
spring, 81 25@6 so; fair to choice winter wheats
Sc 50@s 90. Wheat-No. winter red
s. IS; No Chicago spring, g. So@1 soA Corn Corn
pork, $40 s71a@19 so. Whisky, 81 is.
family, $ 75as IS; II. ! q eoe7 ss. wheat
Oats-No white, Acc. No. mixed, l4c. Rye
No 2, 81 ~ Hams-Sugar-cured, 1916 Whisk,
w 2
red, 81 45G1 45I2. Corn-Western mixed, 73c Ry'
81 04@1 %. Hay-Timothy, S21 00@2o 90 per ton
| Mess pork, $40 75 Lard, 1870.
| INDIANAPOLIS Wheat - Firm at 81 43@
l 43% Corn-Firm at G51a@67c. oats-Firm n
! n1a944c.
LIVE sTOCK.
| ATI.-CATTLE-Common to fair ship
pers, 81 5e@5 rs; good to choice do, SIS 35@5 10
extra Sc 00 stockers aud feeders, 81 75d3 so; com
mon light yearlings and calves, 81 0'@2 so. Hoe
| Select butchers and heavy shippers 81 00@7 25
| good packers, Sc 50@7 90; some common rougl
grades, s6 1895 As; culls and skips, 81 OO94 SO
stock hogs, 81 50t15 25.
| CHICAGO.-Hogs- Common to good mixed pack
| Ing IS 1896 rs; light or bacons, Sc 40a6 rs; goo
to choice heavy shipping and packing, Sc s0@7 S5
culs and grassers, 81 O0@6 is. Cattle-StOckeI
and feeders, 80 1904 40; native butchers stoch
81 25@4 90; half-breeds and natives. So 9094 60.
NEW YORK -Cattle-Dressed beef, So 50Cl7 8
for Colorado sides, and 81 6o99 so for native side
Hogs, s5 0O07 90 per 100 LIS. for poor TO good
Sheep, SO 5O66 65. Lambs, Sc O0a7 co.
| INDIANAPOLIS.-Hogs- Packers, S6 b00l7 OF
common grades, 81 b096 76 Cattle-Shipping ca
tie, - O096 90; butchers, 81 76QJ4 90; stockel
and feeders, q 6o@A co. sheep-Common to choic
$3 00@5 CO.
EAST LIBERTY, PA.-Hoss - Philadelphia
lair, Is COOS q.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

INDIGESTION dyspepsia, nervous prosurauon
and all forms of general debility relieved by
taking MENsMAN's PEProN1zED BEEF IONIC, the
only preparation of beef containing its entire
nutritious properties. L. contains blood-mak-
ing, force-generating and life-sustaining prop
critics: is invaluable in all enfeebled conditions,
whether the result of exhaustion, nervous pros
tration, overwork or seute disease, particularly
if resulting from pulmonary complaints, Cas-
well, Hazard & Co., lroprietors, New York.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

AN indianapolis exchange mentions
that st. Jacobs Oil cured MIR. J. II.
Mattern, letter carrier of that city, OF
a severe sprain, contracted in the war.-
Detroit Mich Western Home journal.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

FROM the Wilmington (Del.) Repuo-
Hcan; Mr.. J. M. Scott, corner Third
and Madison streets, had remarkably
fine horse cured of the scratches by st.
Jacobs Oil.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

No Woman Need suffer
when Warmers Safe Kidney and Liver cure
can be SO easily obtained and so safely used.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

The seasons entertainments have been no.
tably free from annoyance by coughing. DR..
Bulls Cough Syrup does this. Price 25 cents
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

1 ADVISE you to take "Lindseys Blood
Searcher' Scrofula, ulcers, old sores, plm-
pies, boils, etc., cured at once.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

ONLY the genuine axle grease has the name
of Frazer on every package, and wears longer
than ANY other.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

K1DNEY-WoRT has cured kidney complaints
of thirty years standing. Try it.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

nou,t Die In the House.
Ask druggists for ''Rough on Rats. 1t clears
out rats, mice, reaches, hles, peo-pues' A'o'
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

81 WOULD no NOR. do without Sellers
Liver Pills in my house," says neighbor,
ethan -four They always cure headache,
constipation, etc.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29
INVEST YOUR EARNINGS

In the stock of the Denver Land and improvement Co.;
profits immense paid in dividends 100 per cent. in
six months absolutely safe personal liability deal
only in Denver real estate; dividends paid regularly.
Refer any of the banks business of Denver.
Amy number of shares at TEN DOLLARS each, sent
by mail receipt of the Circulars sent free
Address Archie c. Fisk, Pres't; NJ H. Smith, Sec'yt
A. H. Estes, Treas. 454 Larimer St., Denver, Col.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

HTYRTC Asvoivsrs. Catalogue free. Address,
NJ ~ N0 orsa, west aua work.. Pittsburgh p,
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

orive. Dls mean turnout don't balonr
ter me. "-Zexas SVtings.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-09-29

CT IN con per day at home. Samples worth IS free.
W " %HO Address STINsoN & Co., Portland, Maine.