The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-02-24
DOMESTIC TENDERNESS.
How spoopendyke Ate snrdinos Under Dif
flcultles.
(From the Brooklyn Eaglc.l

fcultics.
(From tho Brooklyn Eagle.l
"Look here, my DEAR" said Mr..
SpOOpcndykc, tossing oyer tho laccs
aud ribbons in his witc's bureau draw
er, "what's become Of the can opener2
l don't see it anywhere"
"What do you want Of itY asked
Mrs. Spoonpcndyke, tluttcring up to
protect her trinkcts, and trying to gain
little time.
81 want to open some sardines with
it," retorted Nj. Spoopcndvke, aban-
doning tho drawer and hunting
through the work basket. "Think
wanted to comb my hair with it? Im-
aginc wanted to write letter with
it? Well don't, l want some sar-
,dlsas.. .Wt,slat .hnEA na1eB8oDeinsjitk3en ~
'.The large blade isjust tho thing for
.hat."
Mr.. Spoopcndyke seized the knife
and bored away at one corner of the
0oX, while his wife looked on with
considerable distress.
"liadn't YOU better put paper un-
der the box? You'll get the oil all
over the table CLOTH" Suggested Mrs.
Spoopcndyke.
"No, | won't either" said Mr.. Spoo.
pcndyke, as the knife plunged through
ana the oil spatlcred. "Servc YOU
right If | did," he continued, plough.
ing away at the tin, while the grease
flew IN all directions. at Would
teach You to put the can opener where
You could find it. What kind of
housekeeping do you call this, any
howF' he yelled, as the blade slipped
out and closed up on his fingers.
"Did YOU hurt Yourself, dear?" ask
ed Mrs. Spoodcndykc, anxiously.
"No, didn't hurt myself" grinncd
Mr.. Spoopendvkc. "The dod pasted
Knife struck the bone, or I wonld have
been dead with agony an hour auo,
Give mo some ethcr!" he howlcd.
"Fetch me some chloroform! S'pose
I'm going to saw ut this box any
more without an anesthctic? Got an
idea I'm going to chip off couplc
dozen fingers without something TO
dcadcn the pain? Where's the Ial,oh.
ing gasI Give me some laughing gas
while extract these mcasly old fish,"
and Mr.. Spoopendyke pranccd aronnd
the room, and then jobbed tho knife
INTO the box again, and ripped away
as Though he was run by steam. "No
use to hide away from me-" he yelled,
hacking at the box with ali his might
Il know You arc in there, and there
can't any dod gastcd sa"dinc that over
was built get away from me. Come
out, l tell YOU" and lie seized fish
by the tail and slung him across the
room. "You arc transacting business
with .Spoopendykc now!'' and he
clawcd out q handful Of mashed sar-
dimes and slapped them on plate.
"Won't you spoil 'em, dearY' asked
Mrs: Spoopendykc, dodging the flying
heads and tails. "They wont be yerT
good if you open 'cm that way."
ooh, wont thcy?" howlcd Mr.
Spoopcndykc. "Ifyou don't like 'cm
that way, what'd YOU ask them fnr2
Maybe you want me to take ,cm ont
~ baby carriage, P'raps you have
GO, an y. iaea ought to climb under 'em
ana hft 'eln out: Maybe you want INC
TO get into that box with a boat and
take EN- out with seine. Well, |
wont, tell yc. Give inc the tongs.
, want that fish at the bottom.
Where's the tongs? Como to get mar
rled TO the can opener, haven't they p'
ana Mr.. Spoopcndykc grabbed anoth.
CT iish and fired him into the CRATE.
"Be patient my DEAR" said Mrs.
epoopendyke, soothingly. "Make the
opening q little wider, and. they'll
!. "Ain't [ paticnt?" shouted Mr..
SSpoopcndykc. "P'raps you want me
to sing TO 'em, Il wish was an angel
and with the dod CAST tho fish
Come out of that ~ and with q wrench
Mr.; Spookcndyke hauled off tho ton
and disclosed the mangled remains Of
his enemies. "Now, give mo alemon
Upon my word, my dear, I don't
believe there's lemon in the house, :"
stammered Mrs. Spoopendykc. | had
one" ">'
= go, you had one!" proclaimed Mr..
Spoop,endykc, "only you're just ont.