The Evening critic. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1881-1885, 1881-06-18
THE END NOT YET.
Mother ,lnipton's Prophecy Not to be
Fulfilled Tomorrow, at Least 30
Say VemnOr and the Signal Office.

ENlnHLPM HO-naaOFEONs Nt bSttNt wv
Say vennor and the signal Office.
"Hcllo up there " shouted the business
manager of THE Critic to the editorial
rooms this morning. "our thermometer has
burstcd; do you get anything from the Sig
nal Office to account for itP"
"No, " replied the news editor calmly;
"but Mother SYMPTOMS prophecy of the de-
structon of the world falls due tomorrow
Perhaps the old lady Is beginning to get
her work inw
"Good gracious!" exclaimed the city edi-
tor, aghast, "you don't mean that as n fact
Why, ] had my life insured only ycstcr-
day"
Cant help it," replied the sobcr-faced
manipulation of kilograms, the shears, and
pastc-brush "thc result of the prediction
may be looked for and that settles 1t. |
thought the warning | gave you yesterday
against hasty investments had had its eff
feet"
While the above conversation was going on,
the timid young gentleman who works up
fires and things suggested that if the end
was as nearas Mother Shipton had predicted,
it would be well to get out and look after
the facts, THE CRITIC making n point to
get all the news of important events in adj
vance. He was, therefore, instructed to
hunt il up. 1t was very warm when he
started out, and, not caring to exercise his
limbs to too great an extent, he dropped
into the nearest telephone station and called
up
THE CHIEF SIGNAL OFFICER.
Hello signal Office" he shouted.
''Hcllow was the response.
mother Shipton predicts that the world
comes to I'm end tomorrow. DO you know
whether there is reason for us to expect to
be speedily roasted?"
In u harsh guttcral voice came the
stercotypcd answer: Indications for to-
morrow: For The Middle Atlantic States,
fair weather variable winds, mostly north
westerly. higher barometer; near the coast,
higher temperature For the South Allan
tic States, fair weather, variable winds,
mostly westerly, stationary temperature,
followed bv rising barometer. For the"
"Cut her short please" broke in The
CRITIC at this juncture. "Gct down to the
facts in the case in question Do you note
any unusual changes in the temperature? p
"Wcll it is hot as Hades according to
the revised edition. in this vicinity, but
there are no unusual changes noted at this
time OF course there may be at some time
during the night Il great revolution of ma
ture, bnt we have no indication of it now.
We are not in the least disturbed up here"
THE CRITIC, not satisfied, tclegaphed to
PROFESSOR vENNoR
on the subject His response was as follows:
OTTAWA CANADA, June Is. 1881.
Editor EVENING CRITIC, Washington, ID. c.:
lam not apprehcnsivc that anything very
unusual will occur tomorrow, although
Madame Shipton has seen III to set that day
fora general wind.up of sublunary affairs.
There will be heavy showers IN Canada to-
morrow and hurricanes in the Western
states The District of Columbia will have
| fine weather IL IL don't rain.
fl. G. VENNoR.
II may be that some people consider that
THE CRITIC has taken unnecessary trouble
in working this matter up. Perhaps so,
but the Signal Officer would not have
thought of it. The Signal Officer has re-
ceivcd very fair offer, however, from an
Alabama gentleman, who has perfected Il
scheme which, in his mind, will be valua-
Bile in the matter of weather predictions,
and saving to the Government in the
nae which will give the weather reports for
all time to come. The authors theory is not
based upon the Ram, the Goat, the Bull,
nor the Virgin, nor the Archer, nor any
superstition that may exist about the
weather nowadays. He claims that every
thing that exists has centre and every.
body who has motion revOlvcs around
that centre. 1t takes the earth, he main
tains, 365f days to revolve around its
centre, and the weather upward of $50 days
to rcvolve around its centre also, causing
an irregular occurrence of the weather in
relation to the seasons of the year. All
this, it may be perceived, is as clear rs mud
but the world will not suspend operations
tomorrow if the Signal Office knows itself
and the officials ''think it do"