The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1881-05-17
LA CREME DES CHRONIQUES.
What the Alleged Wits of Pari
Find to Say in Their Newspapers.

ef
From the Sunday World
Geometry:
Q.-What is line?
A.-Length without breadth.
Q-What is the shortest distance be-
tween two polnts2
A.-Sarah Bernhardt!
~
"Well, old fellow, what is the matter ?
You look pale"
"Yes, andsI feel pale; and so would
you il you'd been siekain bed for a
month"
"a month"; Something serious, then,
eh ?" es4s.
ooh. no; little i'll, that was all-but
then had one of the big doctors.''
*x*
A grocer who has been brought before
the courts for giving short weights
pleads the very small profits he makes,
bis heavy expenses, DC a
"But," says the magistrate, call that
is no excuse for selling 900 grammes to
the kilo."
"Your Honor" says the tradesman,
drawing himself up proudly, elf did
not do as I have done should be COM
PEELED to 60 into bankruptcy, and wish
to leave my children an unsullied name p
~
Academic flowers
Member Of the Academy OF Inscrip-
tions beside the open grave of con-
frere-"Yes, gentlemen, the man whom
we mourn to-day followed our valiant
bsttalions into Algeria as an arcbaolo.
gist, and 10 the midst Of those gallant
bands, where every man was hero, dis
tinguished himself far above the rest as
a violator of prehistoric places of sep
ulture"
-
Friend (who has been intrusted by a
gummy with the delicate errand OF indu.
cling mister the father of the gummy to
shell out by representing that unless he
does the gummy will wed the woman
with whom he is infatuated) IL tell you,
sir, of that woman's baseness you can
have no idea. Messalina was prude
to her! Now, what would you say if
you heard, sir, that your son was about
to marry her r..
Old gentleman (who knows his son
like book I'D say, "Heaven help her,
poor cresture." ie:s
80
Seems little queer to have them
saying grace, eh ?" whispers one man of
the world to another as they meet at
the hospitable board OF common ac-
quaintance in whose house everything is
done decently and in order.
"Yes; but rather like the practice" :"
$50 do lit is good habit"
"But I thought you were an infdel ?"
$50 am; but it is very good habit
your soup gets cool enough for you to
eat it,"
~
A fisherman Is found 10 the country
fishing for trout in forbidden stream.
The vigilant constable rushes up.
"Didn't you see the notice stuck up
there2 You are trespassing. Com
long 7"
"But I have verbal authorization to
flsh here"
"Show me it, then!'
~
A statue has just been erected to Ca
mile Desmoulins. -, ,~..
You pass along street some dne day
and see them rigging up scaffolding.
"What's that for, eh2"
"Going to guillotine Whatshisname."
A few years later you pass along the
same street another fine day and see
them rigging up another scaffolding.
"Ah, what's that for 2"
"Going to erect a statue to Whatshis-
name."
"Fellow that had his head cut offP" :
"The same" go
Queer country! +.if
-
An elderly gentleman says to a fne
little miss of seven: aH .fl
"Say, Sissy, will you marry me ?"
The child, taking the proposition
gravely, curls up her mouth as If con.
Isidering the subject. -
"Come, Sissy" said her mother, "will
you marry the gentleman ?"
"Yes, m, but-(aside) INA. I'd like a
newer husband"