The river press. [volume] (Fort Benton, Mont.) 1880-current, 1881-10-12
@LoATING FANOIBst

RUt he sat down, alas. Oh q ii4IS &#. 4.
wherein some tired hornets were takin 2 thelr resi-
And, tbonoh il was something unconn lonly big
10 ace those tired hornets forget their tatlgue'
,r,,os b;ocer TO zee. as he fell where he rose,
now he wiped up the ground with HIS new sahuas
clothes.
Eyes, SIR" said Mr.. Gallagher, ut was
funny enough to make a donkey lauga' l
laughed till | cried"
The latest stockings we read OF ere %
three or four colors. This ought to MAKE :
muddy pavement glisten= like a rainbow
.'Durn the dog" he said; "l1i setle n's
hash for him when I go down there to-nlgh1
to see Kate And be proceeded 10 sa1ola'e
the seat of his pants with s%trychnine'
A chap in Oregon married four wives
ton miles of each other aud wasn't found out
until the four happened to meet At plcnlc
and showed the same kind Of dollar-stote
earrings. -~
II is said lovers quarrels always end with
kisses. This il partly true but # you are
not careful, those little spats you indulge ID
NAV End in the kisses you covet being gwen
to some other girl.
A Louisville man expressed q desire TO
whip his wife, and she was willing ne shouic
do it, if he could; but he couldn't, as was
demonstrated by a fair fight ina field TO
which they repaired for the encounter.
A woman in o New York railway car
sneezed her $50 false teeth out of the window,
and while the train men were searching 1or
them in the ditch they bit the brakeman IL
the heel, i%ntiicting g painful, though net nee
essarily fatal, wound.
If one-half Of the girls only knew the pre-
ylous life of the men - marry, the list OF
old maids would be wJWaRerfally increased.
Buff the men knew what their future lives
were to be wouldn't it increase the list Of old
maids still further?
An old gentleman finding q couple Of his
nieces fencing with broomsicks, said:
'Came, come. my deors, that kind Of &C
complishment will not aid you in getting hus~
bands" II know it, %ancle," 'but it will
help to keep our husbands in order when W.
get EN-"
= SHY wife" remarked a prominent manu-,
f~acturer, tnever attends auctions. She went
once, just before we were married, and see.
ing a friend on the opposite side, nodded po-
lisely, whercupon the auctioneer knocked
down a patent cradle and asked her where
she wanted it delivered"
Turks at 8 French banq-e': Toward the
conclusion of the feast, a Frenchman select
ed a toothpick from. a tray lying near him,
and politely passed the receptacle to his
%neighbor, who declined his offer, exc]aiming
''No, thank you; | have already eaten two of
those things, and l want no more"
In a primary school, not very long ago,
he teacher undertook to convey to her pupils
an idea Of the use Of the hypen. She wrote
on the blackboard 'sbird's-nest," and point
ing to the hypen, asked the school, "What
is that for 2" After a short pause a young
son of the Emerald isle piped out: "Plaze,
ma'am, for the bifa to roosht ont"
II must say that I very much dislike this
ostentatious furnishing, remarked the elder
~ Miss Pringle, as she looked about her il
the new home of the Spankington. sNow
LOOK at that great, elaborately-framed mirror.
! declare | can see nothing beautiful in it,
you shouldn't expect impossibilitiea, Miss
Pringle," remarked Fogg, the villain.
= NQrah - Thorn GDr,r,o. ktu71.- III,
wear an engagement ring?" Wear it on
the second finger of the left hand, if every
thing is open and ab%oveboard; but if you do
not want the old people to know of the en-
gagement We would advise you to wear it in
right hand corner Of an yold striped stock.
ing at the bottom Of the bureau drawer.
While an Idaho girl was sitting under
tree waiting for her lover, 8 grizzly bear
came along, and approaching from behind
began to~lug her. But she thought if was
Tom, apd SO leaned baek end enjoyed it
heartily, and murmured Fighter" and it
broke the bear all up; and he went away and
hid in theforest for three days to get over his
shame.
A late judge was an noted Wag. A young
lawyer was once making his first effort be.
lore him, and had thrown himself On the
wings Of his Imagination far into the upper
regions, and was seemingly preparing for a
AAagher ascent, when the judge exclaimed:
on, hold on, my dear sir! Don't 60
any higher, for you are already out OF The
Jurisdiction Of the court"
Coleridge was a very awkward and un-
calmly man physically, but intellectually he
was q match for the best. When trudging
along a country road he was met BY a wag
Whe thought to have some sport. II say
man" ne cried out, did you meet a tailor
% your way?" Coleridge looked up and
mildly said, Eyes, and he told me that d lit
lie further on | should see his goose"
A Great Curiosity: A clever sell is perpe-
rated On the guests Of Glen Mountain House.
Watkins Glen, n. Y. On a tree near the
piazza fronting the glen was hung a cage
covered With q ,;o,. ~