Saturday press. [volume] (Honolulu, H.I.) 1880-1885, 1881-12-10
SATU RDAY PRESS.
HAWAIIAN PRIVACY.
DECEMBER 10. 1881

nm W hllhN ThlmhCI.
Within the last few years, two uncommonly
lively and pure minded statesmen have como
to the front in this Kingdom. Like some of
the finest race horses their origin is hardly
known, but designating them by the names of
the places where they last resided, or clnimed
to reside or didn't reside at all, we should call
them the Italian and Mormon Statesmen.
With a fearful regard for the interests Of the
Hawaiian people they have been reluctantly
willing to become guardians over this people
while they lived, and administrators over their
effects when they died. The careers and the
characters Of these leading men have many
points in common. 1t is fair to infer that they
were under tho Influences of "pious mothers "
nntil late period in life. Both were born, If
not ITO rule the waves" then to fulfill some
other equally glorious purpose, which, possi-
bly,, Herbert Spencer, Prof. Tyudall and a
post-mortem might discover. Both have ex-
cecdngly picturesque moral characters.
Neither by design or by accident have either
| obtained fortune or fame, because the world
has been unworthy of them. The ignorant and
grovelling foreigner in these islands has al
ways misunderstood them. The italian states
man so conducted himself in America and
China, in the prompt liquidation of board bills,
and in the phanhropc art Of exchanging his
experience for other peoples money, that the
Chinese, always anxious to put illustrious cx-
amples of virtue before their bcnightcd
neighbors. forwarded him, with free pas
sage, to this Kingdom. The Mormon states
man so endeared himself to the Dutch in
Java, that the intelligent Holanders forciby
detained him, until they had drawn the juices
| Of wisdom out of him, and even desired to
hang and skin him, in order that the sight of
his skeleton might incic Javancse youth to
deeds of benevocnce and hcroism. The genius
of the Italian statesman was for submarine
teegraphs and other peoples money The
genius of the Mormon statesman WAS for
cognate races. and newspaper contracts which
involved public moneys. While these states
men differed considerably in character, they
were astoundingly alike in one thing-their
love for the human race. And while they
held high regard for each other, they general
ly dealt with each other " on a cash basis "
and 30 avoided any occasion for misplaced
confidence. Which of the two originated the
idea Of Hawaiian Prin,acy in the Pacifc ia
not yet known, but historians are coming to
the conclusion that the Mormon statesman did.
and his Italian contemporary gave it Europe
"n signiicancy.
The meeting of these heroic spirits is said
to have been in the centre of Punchbowl hill
The exact locality is determined only by
strong smell of sulphur which pervates the
spot. 1t is related that they might have been
seen at night, riding double back, towards
that lonely spot on the vertabre of spawned
mule, the arms os the Mormon statesman firmly
clasped about the body of the Italian leader.
1t was finally determined, on that consecratcd
spot, that the Chinese race and the Polynesan
races should be brought under one rule.
sagacious Rahmd was engaged by the hour,
with payment in advance, to assist in fore
casting the future. written invitation was
sent to him, in diplomatic language, asking
him to be graciously pleased to be present
and lend his supernatural aid" and at the
same time he was requested to secure the
company of any respectable white pig, and
chicken, which had 10 other engagement for
the evening. After solemn dedication of
themselves to the great cause, an eloquent
oration was perpetratod in the presence OF the
pig and chicken. The kahmnn on receiving
u fec of five cents Gin advance) gave them on
their bended knees, his benedicton. The
following resolutions were then adopted:
Resolved That there is hereby established
n Hawaiian Primacy, which shall in five years
from date, be entitled the Empire of tho
Pacific.
Rcsolvcd-That a general convention of
natives be held TN Christmas Island, with tho
view Of making an alliance between tho
Chinese and the Polyuesians,
| Resolvcd-That distinguished delegates
from the South Pacific DO requested to provide
themselves with trowsers for the august oc-
casion,
Resolved-Thst tho sum of Ten Millions of
Dollars is hereby appropriated for tho ex-
penses Of this convention. which shall be re-
imbursed by tax on dogs throughout tho
Pacific Ocean.
| duett was thcreupon sung by the states
men. the words of which were written ex-
prcssly for the occasion:
"The mighty Pacific
Will be very terrific
With an Empire prolific,
Fol he roi do ray"
letter from Victor Hugo was then read