The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1881-07-22
HASH.
"Etta had a student lamp
Twas full Of kerosene
She knocked II on the table,
And--it DIDN'T burst"

Whom my thousand dollars made SO dear.
Unto her waiting lover sternly said:
nForogo tho weed before we 60 TO wed:
For smoke. take flame; Ill be that flames bright
To have your Anna, give up your Havana"
The wretch. when thus she brought him to the
scratch,
Lit his cigar, and threw away the match.
Jumping at conclusions. dog try
ing TO catch his own tail.
A young married man whose house.
rent is paid by his mother-in-law, al
ludes to her as his darling payment.
"We're in pickle now" said q man
in a crowd. ga regular JAM" said an
other. "Heaven preserve us' mourn
ed an old lady.
The correct way is to tell man you
will make a revised edition of him. 1t
is no longer regarded as polite to say
you will knock hell out of him.
The Brooklyn Eagle gives the follow
ing as a Boston lads definition of his
stomach: "Something that goes across
the teachers knee when get licked"
Gen. Brady has retained as his coun-
sci in the coming star-route prosecution,
Ben Butler and Bob Ingersoll. He
would also have retained the devil, but
it was not deemed necessary.
A Western paper, in describing an
accident recently, says, with consider
able candor: "Dr. Jones was called,
and under his prompt and skillful treat
ment the young man died on Wednes-
day night.
1t is n very easy matter for person
to be In two places at time, even
though those places be thousands of
miles apart. One frequently hears of a
man being in strange country, and
home sick.
"There are lots of men in this coun-
try who ought to be in the same condi-
ton that this gate is in," said tho farm
err, as he shut It behind lightning rod
peddler. elbow is thatT" "Well-hung."
said the farmer as he resumed his agri.
cultural pursuits.
In railroad collision the other day
a young lady's old style bonnet was
crushed and dented in seventeen differ
ent places. She took it home and put
flower and two yards of ribbon on it
and now has bonnet of tho latest styl,
worth eleven dollars and half.
| A school teacher discharged for us
ing the rod too freely, applied for EN-
lployment in dress makers establish
ment. "Have you had any experience
in sewing~ asked the dressmaker
"No" WAS the reply, "but l have
thorough knowledge Of basting."
In an English church, q clergyma
recently gave notice that parents desir
ing TO have their children christeued
must bring them 10 the church bcfor
Is p. NJ. The clerk, who happened to b
very deaf, thinking the pastor wa
giving notice of the new hymn book
which were to be adopted, immediate
lily added, with perfect solemnity, "An
those who have not got any can
Supplied in the vcstry Immediately a
| ter service, at sixpence eachw
A reporter of San Francisco paper
who was compelled to describe tn
wedding of hated rival who had cal
ried off the girl he fancied, furnishe
1.-The following account: "The brid
Twas radiant in beautiful lavende
silk drces W it'll orange wreath and six
button No. kid gloves, slightly burs
in the thumbs. The groom was a
straight as black cloth suit, construct
| ed by the best tailor on Tehama street
could make him; and as red in the fac,
as was consistent with pair of boot
two sizes too small and No. IS cola
encircling his manly 16 IA inch neck
Fortunately, before the ceremony wa
lover, the restraining button on th
back OF his shirt flew ont and save,
him from strangulation.