Middletown transcript., 1881-04-29
The cStliddletoun Eranstript
FR1pAY ArrrRNooN, ArRIL %, 1881.
CHIPS.


Mrs. Partington.
we wouldn't care to be the pref
tiest girl alive. We'd rather be next to
her.-Boston Post.
~ Spiders have exhibited themselves
and soon the mosquitoes will be to hum.
Waterloo Observer.
A counterfeiter finds it impossible
to make an honest penny at his busi-
ness Yonkers Statesman.
Adam ought to have said Hardly
Eva'' when he was tempted to bite the
apple.-Keokuk Constitution.
~ The man who never furnished any
chips to help keep it warm, calls this q
cold world WhtehaH Times.
49, Every cloud has silver lining.
The boy who has the mumps can stay
away from school.-N. o. Picdyaene.
We know man 50 near sighted that
he can't recognize creditor when ne
passes one on the street. Keokuk Gate
City.
- The poet who wrote the poem,
..Oh, for thousand tongues, Y was q
bachelor at the time, most probably
Fulton Times
80 The people Of Hull, ?. o., are
very prudish. They won't allow a
young lady to embrace new religious
th.-Toronto Grip.
just about now some Of us are begin
ming to think that after all Jack Frost
is better steady company than a mos
Quito Yonkers Statesman.
- Bristol girls are preparing to beat
the Delaware ice gorge all hollow.
They perform the feat in an ice cream
saloon. Burlington Enterprise.
Young ladies graduate from Vassar
College with the degree Of B. a. BY
close attention to business they can, in
a few years, take the degree Of MA
Salem Sunbeam.
- Will Carleton, who has written
such sweet ballads Of farms and farm
life, never lived on farm. That is
why he thinks farm life poetical.-
Philadelphia Ne,cs.
49, Maid Of Yonkers, ere we buss,
tell me, will you make fuss ?-N. y.
Neaos. Man Of Gotham, ere you risk
your life, tell me, will you inform youl
wife ?-Y Yonkers Gazette.
Mrs. Smith is nothing if not classi-
cal, and when her landlord, Mr.. Casca.
sent in his bill, she said to her husband,
''See what rent the envious Casca
made Breakfast Table.
W. D. Fuller, jr., has been appointed
justice of the peace and quorum, and
henceforth there's going to be peace il
this city if we have to lick every man
in town to preserve it.-Rockland
Courier.
s'There is a divinity that shapes om
ends" and she can empty the best filled
pocket book in the shortest possible
time, and ''nO postponement on ac
count Of the weather. ''-Philadelohit
Sunday Item.
A woman in Eastern Pennsyl
vania became crazy on seeing her hus
band kiss another woman. The hus
band was rascal. No true husband
would ever kiss another woman WheI
his wife was looking. Oil City Derrick
- Appearances are real deceitful
The boy who sings, II want to join th'
angel band, 4 with such fervor in Sun
day school may be the same little rasca
that fixed the tack from which yor
arose 50 enthusiastically in the stree
car.-Kit adams.
''Rather nice city, 4 said Bret Hartt
to a friend in Scotland, as they rode
through a Scotch town in the cars
I'What place is this, anyhow ~ Tht
friend replied, "This is Glasgow, where
YOU have been consul for the last two o.
three years. '-Neac York Star.
- An Oneida Indian, who is ar
ordained clergyman, preached in New
York. and in the course Of his sermon
quantity rebuked the sin Of profanity
He said he was thankful that ''tht
Creator did not give the Indian enough
language to allow him to be profant
without first learning English. '- Ne
Gregor NetrS.
Gam truly thine NJ she said, lean.
ing lovingly on his strong and manly
arm. IL should relax my features tc
bet dollar. was the reply. Then
oh then. knowest thou that there is Z
sleighing party going to Branford-?'
And ere the setting sun had sunk be.
hind the western snow banks these two
hearts were separated for ever and fol
ave. He couldn't get a livery stable in
town to trust him. .-Nep Hdren Reg
lister.
- Spring fashions, 1881: Handker.
chiefs are carried at the nose this
season. listers have never been worn
50 long defore nor spring coats been SC
long behind. Dealers say Woolen gloves
still remain on hand. Muslin is not in
favor-even dogs object to it. Wearers
of sealskin sacks look comfortable as
one may infer. Slippers are now quite
common, especially in the morning
Just after the sidewalkes have been
washed off.-Boston Commercial B'l.
Ietin.
TERRIBLE.-Such is the term Mr.. @.
w. Purcell, Of the National Stock
Yards, Chicago, Ill, applies to his suf.
ferings. He says: /, for one, wish tC
speak a word of praise for st. Jacobs
Oil. / suffered with a pain in my
shoulder and arm for six months and al
times it was terrible. One bottle Of St.
Jacobs Oil, however, cured me thorough.
ly.-Ndsbrille Daily NeaCS.
-@
GRATEFUL WoMEN.-None receive so much
benefit, and none are so profoundly grateful
and show such an interest in recommending
Hop Bitters as women. II is the only remedy
teculiarly adapted to the many ills the sex Ii