Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-02-09


MEN are like pins. One with little
mead may be just as sharp as one with a
big head. -
THE g Ironclad Oath is when a fell
low REGIMES On the zenith end of q tack
with his bare foot,
SHIPWRECKED sailors neverneed starve
while there is a blight of rope left =
LO,OeW Citizen.
We are tired of Peru-sing accounts of
the Chill times they are having down
south. ltgrows wars and wars.-Boston
AdUertiser
A CUTE observer remarks that "the
man who stops his paper to economic is
like the man who goes barefooted to save
his Shoes"
SHORT counting: ''Rachel, the Lord
bath sent me to marry thee" said the
sutton. '"The Lords will be done. was
the submissive reply.
The lecturer who had an audience of
three old maids and one man and his
wife said he drew a full house-three Of
kind and pair
LII must have been just this kind of
winter when the prodigal son returned,
for we read that the old man 'sran and fell
upon his neck. "-Bost0n Commercial
Bulletin.
A YOUNG city fellow bought a farm last
winter. He had a fine orchard of about
two hundred apple trees, and few weeks
ago he tapped every one of them for
cider. -Kenmebec (Me.) Journal.
A NEWSPAPER, gushing over a recent
painting, says: "In front stands rustic
maiden wrapped in her own thoughts. -
The scene is laid i'll latitude | degree
south.
You've Mr.. Ecru has very sallow
complexion. He says he isn't proud.
and doesn't care at all about his looks.
but what bothers him is that his COM
plexion is naturally so yellow that he
can't tell when he is bilious.
"DID you hear that, Sarah? Don't
year tech that ere stuff. I jes heard
the waiter tell that specialized teller
that't was FLY beef. They don't git no
boss meat down our Threats, Sarah.''
Sarah didn't partake.
SIS it law your talking about .?
Look, now, when [ was saudeer I shot
twenty men for the Queen, and she gave
me pinshun; but if Twas only to shoot
one stray fellow for myself, bedad, I'd
be tried for murther. There's law for
yez. "-Londopa Fun.
THIS is a Keene On. HI. J mans argu-
ment against woman's rights: "Talk
about 'woman's rights Why she
has more rights now than men have
For instance, she can wear her hat in
church, while man, be he never SO
bald. or the air never SO cold, must I'M
cover his ad!"-LoeOeW Courier.
Yes, remarked a musical critic, recent
ly from Kansas, the fiddlin' was bully:
but L tell you when the fat chap with the
big mustache laid hold of that bass fiddle
and went for the lower notes in the VIC
hn-cellar, | Just felt as if buzz saw was
a-playin' Yankee Doodle on my back
bone.-NeaO York Commercial AdUer-
tiser.
EDWIN (who, together with Angelina.
is doing the amiable at the little ones
party: How sweetly innocent and all
that sort of thing the children"
Small treble voice from the centre:
ERE, say, tan't have some of that
cussed pudding?" He ment custard.)
Fun.
THERE are good many things in this
world to make man mad The young
man who kindly stopped to assist poor
blind man afterwards found that the
young girl who was looking at him from
the window OF the house was the house
maid, and not the heiress of the proprie-
tor.
SCENE IL newspaper office: Managing
editor" We want few lines on the
governors message. What shall be said
about it?.' Editor" Have you read
it?" NJ. Emo; have you?" E.
No. John, have you read the mes
sage2" John-'' No E.-ss Jim. have
you read it % Jim-"No." E.-"Oh,
well, call it an able document, which
points out needed reforms and shows the
increasing prosperity Of the state.
The child of very fashionable family
was sick, and the colored servant was
sent to the drug store with prescrip-
ton. "If the child can not keep the
first powder on its stomach, you must
give it another one" remarked the clerk
as he pasted on the label s'You don't
reckon we would give him the same
powder ober again, does yer? We amt
no poor folks, we ain t. "-Me0ical Jour-
nal.
DURING this cold weather how long
can the ink stand? -Keokuk ConStitu-
ton. But how long can the pen holder?
-Has0keye. Tell us how long can the
pencil sharpener, and we'll answer that.
Omaha Rep. They are right as long
as the weather remains stationary
Omaha Bee. Your puns are enveloped
in obscurity. That's no wafer to get off
jokes. -DetroW Free Press. Seal-ahi
Boston Globe. Does any one for a
moment suppose that such puns give a
paper weight? They should be ruled
out and a fool's-cap placed on the pun
sters. -NO9ristOaOn Herald.
A YOUNG man, who was taking his
first lessons IN the Lewiston, Me-, ex-
press business the other night, received
a big box of live geese. A bird fancier
happened along, and, after admiring the
birds, remarked: ''It is pity to keep
4 90, +ha how o11 ~ VUl,~.