The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1881-09-23
HUMOROUS.

Yachting Item.-Browniohn very APP
propriately calls his yacht his floating
debt. 1t isn't paid for.
Some women are like shot ans.
They would attract no attention if it
were not for their bangs.
Fashion item.-It isn't because a wo.
man is exactly afraid of a COW that she
runs away and screams. 1t is because
gored dresses are not fashionable.
Professor to child (angry at inatten-
tion.-Another minute, mees, and shall
gospeek to your mamma. Pupil.-Well,
take care pa don't catch you at it, that's
all. He's awfully iealousl
Satisfactory.-'Is there much water
in the c@istern, Biddy?" inquired a gen
tleman OF his servant girl. at is full
on the bottom" she replied, "but there
is none at all on top"
Ais vell.-Extract from the letter of
a distinguished Communist to a friend
shortly after the outbreak of March,
1871: Gall goes we'll in the city-every-
where disorder has been restored"
The new Gar leads avery simple life.
He rises early and takes a long walk,
then breakfasts with his family, after
which he goes down cellar and covers
himself up in the coal-bin for the bal
ance Of the day, to keep out Of the way
of the Nihilists.
The wife of a physician is convicted
of having poisoned her husband. Among
other questions the court asks her:
"Why madam, did you use arsenic
instead of any other poison? "Ahl"
she replied, in a touchingvoice, sit is
the poison that he preferred"
Madam r., q charming woman who has
been married three times, and has three
times been divorced, has just died in
Geneva, Switzerland. To-day the pas
sers-by may read upon her tombstone /:
"Lamented by her father, her mother,
her children, and her husbands"
Chat on the piazza.-Elderly lady at
Long Branch eve do not bring Jul
iewelry to the seaside, although we
have a lot at home" "Neither do we,
although we have a whole %storeful at
home /; and some of the tickets will not
be up for two-weeks yet"
A gentleman calling on a farmer OBJ
served: "Mr. Jones, your clock is not
quite right, is it," "Well, you see, sir"
said MI. Jones, nobody don't under
stand much about that clock but me.
When the hands of that clock stand at
twelve then it strikes two, and then 1
know it is twenty minutes of seven"
There was a great parade of soldiers
and little Mary, aged eight years, went
to the door with her dog, Clip, to see
the procession move by. Like all little
dogs, Clip was saucy and began to bark.
Mary ran upstairs to her mother, ex-
claiming, "Oh, mamma, come down
stairs, I'm afraid Clip will bite the
army"
A Galveston mar named Josephus G.
Morgan, who is also a great nuisance,
is everlastingly abusing the female sex.
The other day he said to John W.
Smith "There would be fewer evils in
the world if it were not for women"
eyes," responded Smith, 'you yourself
wouldn't be in it," And now they
hardly speak.
The teacher had grown eloquent in
picturing to his little pupils the beau
ties of heaven, and he finally asked
"What kindof little boys go to heaven?'
A lively four-year-old boy, with kicking
boots, fourisbed his fist. "Well, you
may answer" said the teacher. dead
ones |" the little fellow shouted, at the
extent of his lungs,