Centre Democrat. [volume] (Bellefonte, Pa.) 1848-1989, 1881-02-17
HUMOROUS.

Fame is like pig with a creased tai!
hard to hang on 70.
Blc@wheat cakes are considered the
best kind ofa liver pad at present.
A lady Is always athletic enough To
Jump at an offer OF marriage. -SaLem
Democrat.
Passing around tie hat is one way of
getting the cents Of the meeting g.-SdtuY-
day Night.
A cat in strange garret is not half
so much frightened as bachelor at q
sewing society.
So-pe, Montana Indian convicted of
murder, denounces the lawyer who
allegedly defended him, Ms TOO much
talk; heap fool"
(which we wish TO remark" as the
shipper said when hc requested the re-
turn Of goodg which were addressed TO
the wrong party.
"Oh, that's one OF his failings ~ re-
marked a business man. when he WAS
told that competitor had again sue
cumbed to the pressure Of hard times.
1881 1t don't make any difference
which end Of the year you write first
Boston GJobe. All right, then; here
goes; Eno-ythgie dna derdnuh nec!hgie,
boston journal Of Commcrce.
4 scientifically disposed contemporary
has discovered that burning the bung-
hole OF a kerosene barrel with red hot
poker will cause the barrel 10 dis
appear.-SgTGcnse Standard.
Father Time is pictured Is an o.d and
bald-headed gentleman; but be manages
TO skip around quite lively, allthe same,
in spite OF being handicapped by agri-
cultural implements. -P,cGyune.
Now understand, - said O.denborg
with sigh, after vainly trying to get
view Of the stage over The bonnet in
front of him; now / understand what
they mean by. the height OF fashion"
-BostOu 7TdnScript.
Different persons have different ways
of looking at the same thing. Grumble-
ION remarked this morning in lugubri-
Gus tones: "A wretched day thisl"
Its the very best in the ciiy!H was
Nox's cheerful rejoinder - BoSfon Tran
scTfpt.
We'll. you are the biggest goose
ever saw" exclaimed Jones TO the
partner Of his Joys and sorrows. And
Mrs. Jones smiled upon him with a
sersphic smile as she remarked: "Oh.
Jonesl you are such a seli-iorgetfu-
darling F'-Boston TranSorip.
A minister overlook Quaker iady
and politely assisted her in opening a
gate. As she was a comparative stranger
in town. hesaid: You don't know, per-
haps. that am Mr. Haven't you
heard me preach9' II have heard thee
try" was the quick reioinder.
Asmart little boy was asked by gen.
tleman: TEL me, Henry, what will
make you completely hsppyP" Five
centsi" he answered, promptly. The
gentleman gave him the money. Now
give me FIVE cents for my sister," said
Henry; "she makes me divideI"-Phila-
delphia san.
A genius proposes 10 invent n process
TO illuminate the human head by charg-
ing each particular hair with electric
ity. When that time comes . man who
has wasted bis substance in feaSting and
riotous living can raise the wind by
renting himself out at half price for
street lamp. And torchlight professions
during political campaigns will be less
expensive.
The following Is old. but it will bear
repetition: 81 want you TO put n new
pair of heels TO these boots" said DIR.
Tpecac 10 the shoemaker. why don't
you do It yourself, doctor ?" asked old
Waxends. "IP" said the doctor, in
why, yes. Does not
the good book say. Physician. heal
thyseif p"
lie raised his eyes from the paper and
letting them iall upon her with a look
full of tenderness said; Only think.
Angelina, IL lakes twenty seven min
utes to go through the Mount Cents tun-
neli' WHY, Georger He read on
further. and added, " But the cars are
nRhtedr' "Ohi' sue exclaimed; and
n great cloud OF disappointment over
spread the rosca,e tinge OF pleased sur
prise that had sufFused her fair young
face.-- Boston Transcript.
No wonder a man hates to have his
picture taken. When he gets seated the
tells him TO look perfectly
natural. So the fellow makes des-
perate effort to twist his face into its
natural expression. The effort gene
rally results in m expression like unto
that Of mad man trying to look cross
eyed aud plan = murder at the same
time, and when he sees the picture be
thinks that If II looks natural he must
- 49, v,..xxsaf hrv.nalxs a. hmx~n htn n4ss-