The new North-west., 1881-12-16
WHY We LAUGH.

The best railway for q bridal trip-Th'
Union Pacifc.-Boston Commercial Bulletin
A dollar education on a five
dollar boy is money thrown AWAY. o
| Picayune.
! Egyptian nummies are being ground int
brown paint. This is the darkest 1esh coioi
On record.
Women love trails because it fiatters then
to have something after 'em.-PhH. Chroai-
Gle Herald.
Whitelaw Reid is married and Prince Leo
pold is engaged. At what point do strike
the procession.-S. j. Tilden.
A boot and shoe shop hangs out the sign
We don't want any boots made Of 1t.
The acme of politeness was reached BY The
Nevada mining superintendent who posted I
placard reading: "Please do not tumble
down the shaft"
hev finally cum 10 the konklusion that
the best eptaff emmy man ken have, for al
practical purposes, is good bank ackount
Josh Billings.
'Aim high" says Emerson. calm low,
said General Jackson. Perhaps the best way
is IN shut your eyes and pull the trigger
Detroit Free Press.
When Patti comes to New Orleans why
not let her sing in the Cotton Exchange
Seats there are worth about 81 900, which
ought to satisfy her financial ambition.--N
o. Picdyune.
Lord Ellenborough once said to = barrls
ter, upon his asking in the midst of boring
halangue, " Is it the pleasure Of the Court
that should proceed with my statement?'
"Pleasure, Mr.. -, has been out of the
question for long time, but you may pro-
ceed."
"The Lord lsveth cheerful gver," but
there's no use chucking copper cent into a
contribution box loud enough to make the
folks OH the back seat think the communion
service has tumbled off the altar.-OhiO
journal.
Some one says that it is strong proof OF
the wisdom of Nature that she has caused
her great rivers to run either in the innedi-
ate vicinity of or rgh: through the great cit
les of the world. It's curious fact and we'll
worth thinking about.
"Tommy," said a mother to her seven
year-old boy, "you must not interrupt me
when am talking with ladies. You must
wait till we stop and then you can talk"
I" But you never STOP" retorted the boy
Gidsgop Ecening Times.
"ls there any opening here for An intellec-
tual wrter?" asked seedy, red-nosed indi-
vidual of an editor. "Yes, my f iend," re-
piled the man of quills, " a considerate car
penter, foreseeing your visit, left al opening
for you. Turn the knob to the right"
This is Diamond Pin. The Editor won
it at a Church Fair. There were Ten
Chances at Ten Gents a Chance. The Ed
itor Mortgaged the Paper and Took One
Chance. The Diamond is Wcrth Seve IL
Hundred Dol 'ars. Editors Like Diamonds.
Sometimes they Wear Them In their Shirts,
but Generally in Their Nind.-Denrer Tri-
bune's Primer.
Professor Ito student)-You wish me to
give you recommendation? ! don't re-
den,ly confoundi ne With aaB,a any gy-o ot my
looks very much like me, and who, it Is
true, neger attended your lectures. Frofes'
sor-Yes, yes, very likely. (Gives him the
recommenda,ion.)- Fiigende Bldtter.
The tain had run into snow drift and
the engine was butting against a six-foo'
bank. "For once the iron horse appears te
be beaten" remarked a fat woman in sec
ond-class carriage. You shouldn't call il
an iron horse" mildly reproved a solemn
faced man. ''Why not?" asked the ia
woman in some surprise. "Because it'
block tin," softly mutmured the solemn
faced man, as he gazed out of the window
and across the wiatry waste with far-awa,
look in his eye.