The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1881-04-13
NO. AT.


y Is LIT Al f.<&&tGkM. 4f
Friday saa aslasay ~. Far ash.- b.
ten Times.
Has great hseIing psopsfties-the m..le.--
Yawcob Sfrauss.
An oil not calculated to scothe-- turmoil g
Cambridge Tribune.
'Tis knnrly apple that catches the worm.
= Cambridge Tribune
! Quick silver--tLat which passes throuoh a
newspaper Office Boston Times.
When does lock get ripe enough to pick
As soon as the spring opens, Of course.
Carried off the palm--ih he shot that deprived
the soldier of a hand. Cambridge Tribune.
T. 7. Barnum has recovered nearly all tho
flesh he lost. 1t pays to advertise. Dan5ury
News.
Resolutions are great sticllers Tor ceremony.
They all have 70 DO introduccd. = wit and
Wisdom.
The man who gets bit twice by the same
dog is better adapted for that kind Of business
than any other
a Nevada critic, speaking of a harpist.
said ~ We never knew there was SO mncl,
music in a gridlron."
II Worcester spells Wooster. y the Elm;ra
Adpcrtiser wants to know why Rochestsr
doesn't spell Rooster
critic complains that the voices Of Amer
ican girls are too cold. Guess he never
married one Of Thorn .-Er.
II singer went down cellar and sat ON the
hot furnace, would bis voice como out clearly
IN the upper register:
There IL only one kind nv person who kan
keep sekret, and he IL the one who refuses
70 take 1t at emmy price.--JosA Billings.
Somebody says that fashionable Boston
banquet consists Of two beans stuck on a hair.
pin and readings by Emerson aud talks by
Alcott.
According to the Boston Post vennor ap-
plies red.hot poker to the nose of his cat
and then predicts that the "spring win bs
backward
Some editors bubble over with original fun
which comes from the heart aud goes to the
right spot--tlie paste pot oftheir neighbors.-
/ Wtt and Wisdom.
scientifically disposed contemporary has
discovered that burning the bunghole Of "a
Kerosene barrel with red hot poker will cause
tue barrel to disappear.
We see an ee hone ,nsS lpe; ;s "oo's 10y
who won't whistle through his fingers and
yell on the streets at night.
rt-- ,uh.y took y seat III tue vr0r.------.
when his ticket was for the second balcony,
felt badly at having to change. In fact Le
was moved two tiers. Boston Post
boy named Kannew was arrested III
Mansburg for throwing stones at a train of
cars. We advise that boys mother to
"paddc her own Kannew." --Norristoun
Herald.
| Cincinnati paper wishes to know what
girls look like away back in the poke bouue,s.
They look like mask at tile bottom Of u
coal scuttle. Brooklyn Union. argus.
/ The fashionable spring bonnet for 1881 Is
to DO profusely decorated with flowers, and
provided n the rear with a hire escape SO that
friends can climb to the top and sec the
trimmings
| IL
I3west to the highest position in the class
I" Yes, I shall have horseshoe for my symbol,
as 1t denotes having come from the foot. ~
YoRkers Stdtesman.
Said q Galveston school teacher: "If
have ten apples and give you five and your
big brother five, what will be left ?u 5" I'll
be left," responded the young brother, for
he'll get away with all of them. That's tho
kind of a presidential candidate he is.''--Gal-
gestoR News.
A voice from the Waste Paper Basket Of
Punch. Cynical and Waggsh Friend to
edtor): II suppose you often get good
things sent yon2' Editor Internationally
E" Occasionally" Cynical Wag All! but
they never appear." (chuckIes). Editor;
so disappointed contributors always tell
me-" Exit separately.
An educational exchange asks tue question:
ais one language enough?" As a general
thing 1t is, but there are times when 1t isn't.
When man goes 70 throw scntile OF coal
on the fire, for instance, and strikes the stove
two inches below the door, and the coal flies
nine ways for Sunday, be feels that ons
language to express his feelings is n,eagre in
deed.
! A Philadelphia man who has six little sons,
went into the nursery the other evening and
found them in desperate melee. They were
biting, kicking. aud pounding each other
savagely, and the furniture was terribly
broken up. He sprang in and stopped the
combat. Then he demanded TO know what
the quarrel was aboat. We weren't quar-,
reling, papa" said ono Of the youngsters.
wiping the blood from his nose. Then.
what were you doing Z" cried the amazed
parent. .Plsying We were The Common
Council. " Boston Post.
---s~---sos---~---
A BAD SPELL" James, said the grocer,
rs he looked over his speciacles at the boy
who was measuring out half bnshel Of POI
tatoes, 81 find that have spelt sugar with