Connecticut western news., 1881-11-23
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIT AND WISDOM. SMALL chance of @ man mending has ways after he has broken all his promises.
 IT is now believed that Cashier Bald win was getting ready to attend the Patti concerts. Chicago Tribune.
 els YOUR father a Christian ?" said & gentleman to little boy on one occa- sion. s'Yes, sir," said the little boy; ssbut I believe he has not worked much at it lately"
 A LITTLE child was addressed by 8 gentleman the other day. "How old are you, my dear ?" he asked. "Oldr' said the child indignantly. "Tm not old at all. I'm quite newt"
 A DARKEY philosopher says: 'T has noticed dat all great men retains in ar- ter life de early impressions of child hood. Dis scar hear is whar my farder hit me wid 8 sarssfrass stick.
 "YoU had better ask for manners than money" said finely dressed gen. tleman to beggar boy who had asked for aims. sI asked for what I thought you had the most of," was the boys re- ply.
 WHAT is that I seer That, my child, is the Nesos interviewer, and he is now In terviewing Man. But where is the Man? can see no Man. The Man, my child, is in his Mind.-Denver Tribune.
 IT IS feared that the enormous manu- facture of wooden toothpicks is utterly destroying the forests of America, but then the young man who spends his salary for good clothes must have some- thing to eat.
 A YANKEE woman recently married a Chinese laundryman, and in three days thereafter the happy Celestial appeared at barber's shop and ordered his pig tail cut of, saying in explanation: ''Too muchee Yank."
 A COUNTRY dominic had hundred boys and no assistant. eel wonder how you manage them, said friend, "with- out help" "Ah," was his answer, 'I could manage the boys we'll enough; its the two hundred parents that trouble me-there's no managing them"
 Nor long since family moved into house on Austin avenue. After week or so, friend of the family called on them and asked how they liked the locality. ''Pretty we'll" ''Have you called on any of the neighbors yet ?" s'No, but am going to if there is any more of my frewood missing. "-Terds Sittiags.
 WHEN Fenelon was almoner to Louis XIV, his majesty was astonished to find one Sunday, instead of numer- ous congregation, only himself aud the priest. ''What is the reason of this ?" asked the king. 'T caused it to be given out, sire," returned Fenelon, ''that your majesty did not attend chapel to-day, that you might know who came to worship God, and who to fiatter the king"
 'sSoME men stand, hesitating and doubt full, whether to throw around their loved ones the protecting power of life insurance" says the Issurd'ace Age. Yes, and after they have "thrown around the protecting power," and worked like horses to pay the premium, and the company bursts up, then they feel like throwing the insurance agent around until there is nothing left of him but his cheek.
 "Now," said the teacher in primary class to one of his pupils, to whom he was trying to impart knowledge of division, but with little success. elf you had pie, and should ask you for g quarter of it, and you should give me what I wanted, how much would you have left ?" "I wouldn't have any leftl' quickly responded the little girl, who seemed to think that the teachers wants were by no means small.
 THIS is contribution plate. It has just been Handed around. What is there upon itp Now Count very Slow or you will make Mistake. Four But tons, one Nickel, blue Chip and one Spectacle glass. Yes, that is Right.
 What will be done with all these Nice things They will be sent to Foreign Countries for the good of the Poor Heathens. How the Poor Heathens will Doso;oat no.,s,os. TI,.s1s,.ao . "WHAT the blazes do you want the
 nomination for ? You're sure to be de-
 feated at the polls." So said Ragbag to
 young Symonds. "Yes, said Symonds.
 "I know it, but I must have the nomi-
 nation. You see, I'm engaged to be married, and I want to get out of it,
 and if I run for office the opposition . papers will give me such horrid bad character that the girl won't have me , anyhow. Catch the idea ?" - Boston
 Post.
 A YOUNG member of the bar thought :, he would adopt motto for himself, and after much reflection wrote in large let ters, and posted up against the wall 2 the following-''suttns cuique." whict may be translated, "Let every one have n his own." A country client, coming in 7 expressed himself much gratifed witt { the maxim, but added, "You don't spel ' it right" 'Indeedl Then how ough' it to be spelta" The visitor replied
 "Sue 'em quick" .... .... @ THIS is the way Gen. Boulanger tolt @ Philadelphia reporter about the bur 8 glarious invasion of his sleeping apart