Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-07-27
SPICE AND ALLSPICE.
A BRIGHT little maid who was frolicky,
Made the sweetest green leaves on majolica,
But she swallowed some paint,

serves anOUn0T WdS CId1h.
NEXT to a clear conscience, for solid
comfort, give us an easy boot.
"LET's strip the light fantastic toe"
said the chiropodist to his patient
The man who cannot whistle tune
usually does most of the whistling.
WHEN the ship capsizes the crew should
be supplied with righting materials at
once.
HE latest attempt to raise money that
we hear OF is by a fellow who tried to
pawn the "silent watches of the night.
A NEW kind of berry is being grown,
called the Telegraph" An electric
probably onkers States
man.
How to prevent snoring-go to bed at
half-past twelve o'clock, and get up at
thirty minutes before one. -Steu6enUilze
Herald.
PRISONER, have you ever been con-
victed?'' emo, your honor, 1 have al
ways employed frst-class lawyers
Boston Post.
A NoRRIsTowN youth who was trying
to master bicycle, when asked his age,
said he had seen fifteen summers and
about 115 falls.
DID you say the title of your poem
was " Nothing lost but a hearth" Well,
the damage depends good deal on
what is trumps.
A SCIENTIFIC writer says that when a
cat is humping her back up she is really
talking by sign. Sort of back talk
NeaU York Herald.
CAN that the Pillar of Hercules ?'
she said, adjusting her silver spectaclea.
"The land sakes What's the rest of
his bed-clothes like, I wonder" Plum.
IMPENDING correspondence: Colored
help-"Miss Mary, wish you'd gimme
an antelope and some of your indefinite
ink-I's got to write a letter dis even
ing"
JOHNSON" Smith, what kind Of
beast would you prefer to be, if you had
to be one?" Smith--Well, just at this
time of year think I'd rather be little
bare"
SCIENTISTS assert that an angle-worm
on fish-hook suffers no pain. We now
understand why they squirm so-they
merely want to take little exercise
Pb5ladel1oIsia NeaOs.
"IsN'T the dining-roo painted too
dark ?" said a Yorkville husband who
went home to boss the paper-hanger.
"We'u make up the difference in light
dinners said his wife.
A LITTLE Utica girl, regarding her
doll thoughtfully, recent, remarked in
the presence of her mother: "Dolly,
we're all alike; mamma and are made
of dust, and you're made of sawdust."
AT state dinner given by an African
king last year, some boxes Of American
sugar coated pills furnished the desert.
That was when the king was little
green, but he can't be fooled again.
Detroit Free Press.
TOMMY went fishing the other day
without permission of his mother. Next
morning a neighbours son met him and
asked: "Did you catch anything, yester.
day, Tommy?" "Not till [ got home,"
was the rather sad response.
A MAN who was fishing for trout in
the Tionesta years ago, SO the story runs,
caught his hook on bag of gold and
brought it safely to shore. AS helooked
at the gold he sadly said: "Just my
luck; never could catch any fish. oil
city Derrick.
ELEGANT diamond shirt-studs do not
always make a man happy, says the
Herald philosopher. It has known
man to wear thousand dollars worth
Of shirt studs at the races and yet suffer
all day because his rear collar button,
made Of bone, got down his back.
The poor Kansas farmer and husband
man has had hard, hard time. Six
months in the year he is kept busy re-
pairing the damage done by the last cy-
clone, and the other six he stands pa
tiently holding on to his hat waiting for
the next one to come.-Le Roy Times.
"YoU have no idea how we enjoy our
selves, writes Mrs. Frizzle from New
port; ''we get up at noon, ride all the
afternoon, dine at six, and yawn until
bedtime. It is very quiet here as yet,
SO much SO that you can hear the small
est bit of gossip dropped"
LITTLE Johnny had been caught by
his aunt testing fly. "Johnny," said
she, "supposing some great beast
thousand times bigger than yourself
should tease you and perhaps eat you all
up?" 81 hope" said Johnny, "he'd
feel as bad as I do when swallow
Hy.
The most hopeful physician is an
Ohio doctor who refused to give man
up until after he had been buried
several days. The man the doctor held
to was not a regular patient, but one
that he had dug up in graveyard for
dissecting purposes. An irate relative
with a shotgun persuaded the doctor to
give the man up.-Ie1as SIftdrags.
LITTLE Jimmie, for once, couldn't
have his way. Mamma, l am going to
leave 90; going to take the tain an
never tum back" Mamma said: every
well; I, too, shall get on train and go
away forever" This terrible scheme
had never entered Jinmie's head. He
suddenly remembered that if his mother
were to disappear he would certainly be
spanked as often as he should deserve
it. Running up to her and throwing
his arm about her, he said, I" Mamma,
me and you'llgo on the same tain--won't