The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1881-10-30

FUNNY.

When the great jonathan Edwards was
out riding one day, little boy opened
gate for him. "Whose boy are you, my
little mani" asked the great theologian.
Noah Clark's boy, sir" was the answer.
On the return of Edwards, soon after, the
same boy appeared and opened the gate for
him again, The great thologian thanked
him, and again asked: Whose boy are
you, my little MANI to which the urchin
replied: "Noah Clark's boy, sir; the same
mans boy was quarter of an hour ago,
sir"
4 man who was tramping along when the
thermometer w;s up in the nineties, seeing
woman stanliug on Il doorstep with II
broom in her hand, touched his hat and
said; "A very warm day, maam." YES"
she replied, $50 little boy told me Il few
minutes ago Children and fools always
tell the truth," snarled the pcrspiring pc
deStr an as he moved oil. 81 have never
had any reason TO doubt your veracity,n
sneered the relentless woman, rs she waved
her broom ironically.
Abraham Lincoln used to say the very
best story he ever read of himself was this;
Two QuaSercsses were travelling on the rail-
road and were discussing the probable ter
mination of the war. Il think" said the
first, that Jefferson will succeed" "Why
|
cause Jefferson is n praying man." And
so is Abraham praying man" Eyes: hut
the Lord will think Abraham is 10 VI
the first replied, concluSively.
A Chicago man visiting Cincinnati was
being shown around by citizen, who said,
| Now let's go and see the Widows Homo"
The Chicago man put his finger to the side
of his nose and winked, and then said
| Not much, Mary Ann. | saw a widow
home once, and she sued me for breach of
promise ana proved il on me, and il co st me
sixteen thousand dollars. No, sir, send the
widows home in hack.
A passenger on board steamer at the
time of disaster was an exceedingly
nervous man, who, while floating in the
water, imagined how his friends would
acqu0nt his wife of his fate. Saved at last
he rushed to the telegraph Office and sent
this message; Dear p, | am saved
Brcakit gently to my wife I"
Learning" said disciple of the Con-
cord school of philosophy Learning is
to say against learning; but we venture to
suggest that it hardly pays to give five
thousand dollar education to five dollar
boy"
"NevOr milk while the COW is eating" /,
the advice ,.of hucolic contemporary
Judging from the character of the milk
that comes to market, it would be more L
the point never to milk while the COW l.
drinking.
as 1t fair asked Mrs Easy, Ito ALLOW
your husband to attend a fair, with som,
other fair, and pay her fare" Hardly
fair; and if IL was my husband, she'd far,
hard" responded Mrs, Gripem.
A squaw refused to marry a Canadian In
dian, and he took her scalp-a lock Of he
l hair as 1t were. She then married him
and it wasn't long before he hadn't hal
enough for scalp-lock,
Lawyer to witness)-"In that case yo,
, spoke of, was the testimony written or ora?'
/ WitnesS-"lt was oral, sir. All about III
stroke oar in the race
"SolOccd in durance vile by the radian
smilesor connubial love- Translation-Hi
wife went to see him In Jail, whore he wa
$ sent for stealing
n An cmisrant wagon passing through Rt
= chester, Minnesota, the other day, bore In
quaint inscriptions Don't inquire-nort
: pole or bustw
$ MiSintcrprotcd quotations: Uncas
/. lies the head that wears crown"
). head would be very uncomfortable withou
one.
# DiSraoli used to say when a man reachC
. his onccdo,agc It is time for him to witt
i draw from society.
" There are some promising young me
c who are not sufficiently careful about keel
o ing their word,
), one person may dye coat or even
g mustache, but II always takes two to di
i logue,
1--WE met by chants, as the lovers said,i
the church choir
A scapegncc-A man late at dinner.
wi tt
n The best strengthened of mind and bod
" and refreshing in It's effects