The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-02-10
WIT AND HUMOR.

|
| -A----
with love Of romance in his nature,
fell desperately in love with the
daughter of an up town business man,
who WAS rich, and paid his addresses
to the young lady with timidity, tear
Ing that his suit might not be cordially
received by the parent. He was usher
ed into the parlOr and the old gentle
man, receiving him with great deal
OF pOliteness, said:
"4oung man, hero are two volumes
OF love poetry on tho table, "light
guitar" stands ready for your touch ia
the corner, Pve arranged for moon -
bcam to shine through the window
blind, and Augusta has practiced sew
eral effective sighs. l hope you'll take
hold and enjoy yourself"
But he didn't. 1t was too tame al
together, and before she had swept
across tho threshhold clad in rustling
silk, he had skipped down stairs In
search of Il step-fnther who had less of
the sarcastic in his make uo.
TIE preacher was talking to the
Sunday school about the power Of re-
ligion, and the devotion of the Jealous
to the cause and their attendance upon
the services. Finally he asked If thero
was anything to which people would
20 twice every Sunday and through the
wcok as they did to church; when Il
small boy with twisted tongue on the
front seat spoke out: "Ycth, thir, u
thircus would ketch 'cm every pop if
tncy could git in FREQ, like they do to
church. Tho preacher thought it was
time to sing.
A woMAN-a lovely woman 1t is to
be supposel-had her first political
trouble at Port JARVIS. A horriI and
wicked man challenged her as not be-
Ing twenty-one years old, and instead
OF swearing her vote in she commenced
to weep bitterly and tore her ballot to
tattcrs. If IL woman has got to swear
TO her age before She can vote, the
knell OF female suffrage is already
| sounded.
A PAINTER holding pail of white
paint in his hand stood on the near
platform Of II street car up town about
$50 O'Clock this morning, ,whor the for
ward wheels became bowildered and
tried to move In two directions ut the
same time. The result was the car
gave sudden church to port" and
the painter made an expedition into the
air. lie alightcd on hIs back with the
paint pot uppermOst, and when he
arose his appearance justified tho con-
ductor's remark that "There's the
| Whitcst man in Troy"
lT was his first appearance at church,
and in order that he might sit perfect
ly stiil md keep his little chatter be-
tween his teeth, llo was told that a big
dog would bite him If he didn't kccp
that quiet. The little fellow cast sew
eral glanccs up and down tho aisle and
at last, Just III he most interesting part
OF the minister's prayer, startled the
aggregation by ripingup: "Mamma,
where is the dog?"
FARMER and Il truckman were try
ing TO nadc horses. The truckman had
Il large, stalwart animal, the farmer a
| small bay mare.
"That horse ofmine," said the truck
man. 'ls siN years old, and stands six,
| teen hands high In his stocking feet.
1ourn's nothm' but a little runt."
"Wnll," said, the other, "shc's onlv
foIr, and If she hadn't been worked so
hard eyer since She was a colt shc'd
a been six by this time"
| "a woND to tho wise Ia sufficient. a
minister made an interminable call
upon lady Of his acquaintance. Her
| i'''lc uatlSntcf VINO was present grew
weary of his conversation and whfsp-
cred In an audible tone, Didn't lie
| bring his amen wit h him?"
a RICH Scotchman at the point of
death said to his pastor: "Do Won
! think ii left ElO, 900 to the Presbytcr-
IAN church my soul would be saved ?"
81 can't promise you anything" an
swcrcd The good man, after Il second
thought hut then iL's worth trying"
WE all know there have been mer-
cenary men. One Of this sort had the
goou fortune to be accepted by an
hclrcss. AT the wedding, when he got
to this part OF the ccremony, "with ali
my worldly goods l thee cn6ow,"
'Therc goes his valisc," said one of
tho brides relations spitetully.
! THINGS that people would like to
see: Cor society girls before break
iast,a church choir that never quarrel
cd, Il church out OF debt aud with
money to lend, an editor who can
please everybody, and high school
girl that cannot whistle.
daughter ut Il seminary. She reproyed
her lathcr for wiping his mouth on the
laDlc clolh, ana he went to the barn
and hung himself.
| IATk1CK comes to tho mOrguo to
claim lost relative. Has he any pecu-
liarity by which he can be recognize
ed?' ashs the guardian. eyes, he is
dumb"
FELLOW with prophetic eye fixed
on Christmas asked his girl how much
1t took to fill her stocking, and now she
won't speak to him.
a MAN may be very we'll beh avcd
before marriage, but after that knot is
tied he is inevitably "made fast"
! IRE reason men succeed who ''mind
| their own huSinGSS.O Is hcunuse there