The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1881-02-11
Going to a Dinner.Party.


experiments with this inexpensive Ian.
tern.
Going to a Dinner-Party.
''Now, we haven't got much time to
get ready, my DEAR" suggested Mr..
Spoopendyke, cheerily, ''and won't be
late at a dinner-party. I want you to
fix up so as to be the best-looking woman
at the table. You can get ready in an
hour, can't you?"
81 think can, replied Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, with litter. go yes, [ can dress
in that time, and I hope you won't be
disappointed in me-" and the little wo-
man began to take down her back hair.
'You might get my shaving tackle
for me" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, appro-
priating the only mirror. ''And now [
think Of it." he continued, after pause,
''my dress coat needs button. Sew it
on, won't you?"
Mrs. Spoopendyke lugged out the
coat, and hunted through broken-down
old bag after button that would do.
''Got that button sewed on yet?" in
CURED Mr.. Spoopendyke, lathering away
comfortably.
''In a minute, my DEAR" responded
his wife.
"Well, hurry up; I want you to put
these studs and sleeve buttons into my
clean shirt
Mrs. Spoopendyke gradually got
around to those offices, and laid out the
habiliment in readiness for her lord.
did you take those stitches in my
gloves?" inquired Mr.. Spoopendyke.
30 yes, certainly" replied Mrs.
Spoopendyke, going right to work at it.
"Well, then, you can brush my vest
and pantaloons, and by that time I'll be
ready to have you tie my cravat."
A few moments more found Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke arrayed completely.
"Come, you ready?" he demanded,
having assured himself that his wife had
not accomplished single step toward
her toilet.
'Not quite, DEAR" responded the lady,
with one-half her hair in her mouth and
the other half cracking under the brush.
"What's the matter with you?" he
asked. Didn't you say you could get
ready in an hour? Didn't you hear me
tell you when / came in that we only
had an hour to dress in? What have
you been doing? Why can't you go as
you are? You look well enough"
81 was busy fixing your things, :"
faltered Mrs. Spoopendyke, ''and I
couldn't do two things at once"
30 no! You can't do anything at
once. Why didn't you have my things
fixed this morning? Why don't you
keep house somehow? That dress
you've got on is good enough. Why
can't you go in that dress? If you've
got to put on all the frills you won't be
ready till next fall. Amt you most
ready now? Think Tn going TO stand
around here like jug of mineral water?"
Mrs. Spoopendyke twisted up her hair
and jammed in the pins. Then she put
on her hat and twitched it first to one
side and then the other; put one hand
up behind and showed it forward, and
then caught hold Of it in front and pulled
it down.
"Well, if you're ready, let's start, :"
growled Mr.. Spoopendyke. you've
been long enough for telegraph wire,
now. Come on.
"Oh! I haven't got my dress on yet, I"
pleaded Mrs. Spoopendyke. 'I'll be
through in a minute"
''Dod CAST the dress!p calculated Mr..
Spoopendyke. "Where's my paper?
Give me my paper and I'll read for a
month or two. You won't be ready till
spring. Where's that paper?"
''Take a book, DEAR" recommended
Mrs. Spoopendyle, blushing deeply and
glancing around nervously.
81 don't want any measly book" re-
torted Mr.. Spoopendyke. 81 want the
morning paper. Find that paper the
first thing you do, and then you get
ready in four seconds"
81 think you'll find the paper behind
behind the bookcase" said Mrs.
Spoopendyke, as red as brick, and she
hustled into her skirt, and began clawing
at it behind in an effort to loop it up
straight 'I'm almost ready" she gig
gled Historically, as she drew on the
waist and buttoned it up nervously.
"Ill be ready before you could turn the
paper inside out" and she snatched a
ribbon from the drawer. tied it in bow.
pinned it at her throat, and backed away
from the glass to see how it looked.
II want to know whether you're going
to find that dod gasted paper for me?'
Numbered Mr.. Spoopendyke.
Tim all right except my cloak, :"
jerked out Mrs. Spoopendyke. eff
you'll hand me my cloak, we'll start
right away. It's in the closet there. :"
And Mrs. Spoopendyke Topped down on
the floor and began putting on her shoes.
"S'pose Tn going to hunt around for
that measly cloak?" howled Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. Cant You get your things for
yourself? I want my paper, and l want
it now"
81 can tell you what was in it, )" said
Mrs. Spoopendyke. 81 can tell you all
about it while [ dress, and she looked
up at him piteously with her face all
flushed
mo doubt" retorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. "You know all about it. All you
want is can of oil and ten men swear
ing at you all day to be a printing press.
When are you going"
''Now, I'm all ready, DEAR" smiled
Mrs. Spoopendyke, who wasn't anything
of the sort. "You won't need to read
now, for we're going"
They started off together, arm in arm,
Mr.. Spoopendyke growing and his wife
hitching at her various garments as they
went along.
'Another time we're going out to din
ner, You be ready the day before, you
hear?" demanded Mr. Spoopendyke.
eyes, DEAR" responded his wife, and
then she thought to herself, 'I'm very
glad he didn't insist on looking for that
paper. "-Brooklyn Eagle.