Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1881-09-21
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
SMITH, JONES AND TIE EDITOR Jones
rushed into the Office OF the Weekly
.Squashpine the other day. There was
a wild look in his eye and copy OF the
| .Souoshrine in his hand. Did you put
that piece in here 2" he demanded Of the
editor, pointing with trembling finger to
a paragraph stating that salt scattered
about the yard ould kill fowl THAR
said the editor, Inquiringiy, stopping In
the midst of his editorial and laying down
his paste brush: ''y yes that's mlne-what
of it True amt iti' "Yes and
that's Just what's the matter" said Jones,
" and you may stop my paper right Off
do you hearf'' "Oh, yes. certainly"
sand the editor. John - be called out,
g stop Jones' paper, Anything else Mr..
Jones 2" :" Yes, there is something else !"
shr.eked Jones, maddened at the editors
coolness: I'D like to know what you
put such thingsIn your paper for. There's
Smith, who lives next to me. He got
your rascally sheet Saturday night, and
Monday morning, sir, his yard was full Of
dead hens-my hens, sir He'd salted
his vegetable garden, the villain-and all
along of that confoupded piece Of yourn.
AN eastern tourist IN Nevada had been
spinning some incredible fish yarns, when
one of the parry, turning to an cid noun
taineer, said:
Bill, that gets away with fishing IN
this country don't 1t ."
"Wal, don't know about that"
No, but have caught some purity big
fellers."
"Come now. tell us the weight of the
largest trout you ever caught
Wal, can't exactly tell as to the
weight but you folks can figgor on it.
Now, you know it isover 200 miles around
this yer lake. Put that down. As l
said before, don't know the weight of
the biggest fish ever yanked out, but l
did haul one up on the beach, and after /
landed him the lake fell three feet, and
you can see by the water mark over yon-
der 1t hasn't riz since"
CROMWELL B-was Quaker captain
bringing oil and candles from Nantucket
was not Friend. The vessel was lying
on Sunday morning at Chestnut street
wharf when large ship came up. The
mate of the incoming ship seemed deter
mined to usurp the place of Cromwell
BIS vessel His quiet remonstrance
having no effect, he went to the cabin
gangway and called to his first officer, who
was below shaving for Sunday. Mate,
l think tDee'll have to come up here anG
use some of thy language. The mate
soon appeared. half shaved, and pouring
out volley of oaths. The officer of the
incoming ship said. guess we'll have to
move /; they've got some one else on
board besides that-old Quaker"
SHE poked hei head In at the office win
dow of the village postmaster, and inno-
Gently observed: al expected a letter
from Arthur to-day. What do you sup
pose was the reason he didn't write?'
Annoyed by the intrusion, the Federal off.
cial sharply responded; 81 don't know
but perhaps he was engaged In writing to
another woman last night" 1t happened
unfortunately for the Postmaster that the |
lady who sought the information was a
niece of the Congressman for that district, |
and the next month his official head rolled |
in the the basket. The county organ of |
the administration announced the chenge |
In an article headed, "Civil service reform |
moves grandly on"
--
"CAN pa make a circus, ma Q" 81 don't |
know, Johnny; suppose he could if he |
had great deal of money to buy horses |
and wild animals but why do you ask,
Johnny" ''Oh nothing much. Only l saw
that CASTOR fellow, who you told sis not to |
have nothing to do with, standing with |
night, and he said to sis, i s'pose if yer
old man came around now he would make
a circus and sis laughed and said, you
bet!'"
przz,v soIyvn ~Two I,;.hr.r oro
,o.;na n,ar ,ha 80. - 80 % n.,. o;,
,,aners a,d com;oa 70 Tho heod;na uTo
test - and ;mmed;sielv foIIow;no II g verv
istes, y ono so,d 70 ne o,h.r. An, s,1ra
IT,, -, - - at.ha .,s;.;, =. ~:
means % ~ a srrah % hapad pn ..'d INA T;n, sr,'
an us meseii tnat can explain tnat 10
ye. sure the iatest is what comes lntlme
u ie Pfinteu.a anu Tue very ia.est ls wnat
eoHes elther Inc paperis out.
NJ -
Ihn. Sou nav oeeu i,1Sin Wnn
.u ..ran. a. saen n ,.. arc no S oMs on wA
w;oS sd 'ne ne.n;n., hn;m .m ~ SV y, sna'
ri.Aeu p.e.,ne' ueins aii VI tne June, SEX.
-ueie .H are nos nuAa.e. "nen you MAKE
YOUR proposeo WISH 10 uotnam yon necd
,eei no alaim wnile .aver:lng .na' stfee.
= you can pass ,nrougn IL win perfect
,a'e.y IL you hoid your skirts up out OF
he 'opaceo juice on tne pavement.
hELeious :-On recent Sunday, when
ne pastor OF one OF the leading Presbyter
his pulpit, several persons expressed die
;atisfac,ion at seeing a STRANGER in the npI
Dit. and cne lsdv said She would not b.va
,ome If she had known that Dr - was
not going to preach. An elder standing
ear vcry promptly replied: " Madame
he vorship of DR. viii, be reeume,I