Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1881-07-13
OUR C0L0NEL'S STORY,

OUR C0L0NEL'S STORY.
(From London Society,"
'You all knew Sandy Mcpherson
said our colonel.
Intimately!' "Perfectly! ga
we'll as my own brother, sir !" most o
replied, though, if the truth be told
there was not q man at that mess-tabl,
who had ever heard of Mr.. Mcpherson
before. You see, it was the commandin;
officer who spoke, and it was always
rather risky saying him nay when he ex
pected yea.
"They used to call him, you recollect
the "Great Unwashed;" vulgar, bu
appropriate soubriquet, nevertheless,
continued the chief. "Greaton account
of his burly and previously ugly per
son; unwashed, by reason of his &C
credited scant acquaintance with Brown
Windsor, spring water, and the func
tious of the dhirzees and dhobies, i. e.
tailors and washermen of the land.
''On his coffee estate in the noun.
tains, and among the undraped and IN
scrubbed coolies, this disregard for the
comforts aud convenience Of life went
for nothing, perhaps it was even in keep.
ing with the surroundings; but when he
came down to this city, walked into its
public gardens and esplanade, or showed
with its swells at the band, his appear.
ance was too outrageous, and his brothe,
K. G. BIS meaning Knights of the
Coffee Berry, and not, as you might
suppose, of the Order of the Bath,
dressy men hereabouts, whatever they
are on their plantations, cast him com.
pletely in the shade by their get-up and
gorgeousness.
''As for the spinsters and young
widows Of the widows of the station, by
Mars, Bacchus, Apollo, virorum,' az
Colonel Dumas in the play puts it, there
was scarce one but who fought shy OF
admitting him into her presence as a
morning visitor, much less as sutton,
though many of these blooming ladies'
were on the sharp lookout for the silken
chains of matrimony, and Barkis-that
is tosay, Mcpherson was, as they knew,
willing.
"But, disadvantages of person and at.
tire Notwithstanding, he was right good
fellow, this same gentleman. He was
honest, Woodworking, thrifty, simple
minded; and from being mere adven-
turer without interest, friends or money,
he had, self-helped only, saved up the
bawbees little by little, had bought
patch after patch, acre after acre, of vir-
gin land, cut down it's timber, cleared it,
planted it, and now he had squatted
down free from encumbrances on Ailsa
Craig, as he called his property, as pref.
ty and as fruitful a small coffee estate
as could be found in one of the most
picturesque districts of this lovely island,
wish that I could give you even q
faint idea of the exquisite beauty of its
scenery, as it stood on a range Of lofty
hills looking out on still higher noun
tains, clothed to their very SUBMITS with
hoary forest trees. wish l could paint
that mighty waterfall, almost beside the
house, as it came rushing and tearing
over beds and boulders of rock, tum:
bling with an incessant roar into foam.
ing river below. [ would I were able
to picture the slopes green with scented
grass, tho fields white at one season witt
the snowy blossoms, and at another rec
with the ripening fruit of the coffee
bushes, the towering crags glowing Will
bright tropical flowers, and the steer
declivities, yerdant to their very bases
with ferns and lichens. I can't do it
boys, and I won't try. All that I want
to let you know is that it was deuceG
nice sort of place, this habitat of the
Mcpherson; and that to be settled there
with ones household gods, and coffee
selling at seventy or eighty shillings pei
hundred weight in the market would pa,
a precious deal better than does he1
most gracious majesty-God bless her
and the command of this dear ole
corps with it's unruly subs.
$50, no doubt, too, thought it's owner
as he lolled and smoked at his cottage
front and gazed at the silver bloom O,
the ruddy cherries of his trees growing
almost up to the very door. But it was
poor, ungarnished, comfortless, hig.
gledy- piggledy sort of homestead, thai
same dwelling-house; for whatever else
friend Sandy had done toward the beau
Trying and fertllizing Of his land his
roof-tree, like his wardrobe, had beer
utterly neglected. Both wanted Just ex
actly what he thought they did the
wife element to set them ship-shape an6
presentable; and as you have heard be
fore for that desideratum he was on thu
qui vive.
NOW. you young gentlemen who are
IN the habit of lawn-tennising, afternoon
teasing, talking, spooning, walking, driv
ing, with all the feminines, plain an6
colored, of this place, and who thinl
that you have only to ask and be re-
ceived-which I beg and entreat yol
will not put to the test, cutting up tn.
mess and so on-can't perhaps realize t.
yourselves the difficulties the worthy
am speaking of had met with in ever
this overstocked matrimonial emporium
The Anglefralls, the Hunters, the Hook
ers, lots of girls whom I will not name
had snubbed or turned up their prett,
noses at him when he came a-wooing
and 50, noiens volens, he remained ;
bachelor, anathematizirg his ill luck
and venting his disappointment upo1
the backsof Sinking and rec,sant Tami
coolies, the recognized natural enc
mics of coffee and the scapegoats of it,
cultivators.
"Then as a last resource he sought
among his brethren of the berry around
counsel as to the most advisable method
OF getting the so-needed helpmate; an6
the first man he consulted was Herr
Thaler, q successful and rich German
whose estate bordered on Ailsa Craig.
$50, so p said the parsonage. :Zere
is nothing more easy. Zave off zat rag
get beard, burn in re fire zose old Globes
not tit for 'Oundsditch or any Juden
Strasse, buy Won big top mein friend, get
iraulelns and vidder-fra vid re monish-
bags in re 'ands. If zey will not ave
zou, zey will take re rupee; frost 'em for
Eat, my zon."
put the recommendation was unpal-
atabie, and to great extent impractical
BILE, SO another fidus Achates was ap-
pealed to, one Jack lie Geste, a man much
addicted to chaff and practical Joking.
lin this land Of pearls and precious