The Princeton union. [volume] (Princeton, Minn.) 1876-1976, 1881-03-24
Facetious Small Talk.
OLD GRIMES COAT.

OLD CRIMES COAT.
Why ny mourn for Grimes-his daughters live
On fashions street we find 'em,
lis they who wear the old grey coat
All buttoned down behind em
II WAS mistaken in that house, .
SAID a beggar. {. thought I'd be
apie TO get a warm meal there, but I
only got cold shoulder
..MoNEY does every thing for a man,''
SAID an old gentleman, pompously.
es, replied the other man, ssbut
money won't do as much for man as
some men will do for money .
The temperance men mean bust
ness in the matter of clearing out the
Whiskey. They're just full Of it, 3.
cried an excited temperance orator.
who hasn't been invited to speak
since.
A cANNY Scotchman inquired of a
fellow trader. ssis Colonel <. a man to
be trusted % Il think you'll find him
So, was the reply. elf you trust
him once, you'll trust him forever
A LITTLE girl read composition
before the minister. The subject was
a cow She wove in this compli-
mentary sentence: ga cow is the
most useful animal in the world except
religion
AT A DISPLAY OF FIREWORKS
6 Oh, Alfred, we are yery near Is
! there really no danger g. ssNone
sweet; don't you see I had the
precaution to put your father and
mother in front of us o.
A CHAP, being asked to explain the
paradox of how it was possible for a
lazy man to attain so much education.
answered, II didn't attain it: T.
just --it--here--and there.
and was too law to forget"
GONG home from church, she re-
marked to her husband, ssDid YOU
notice that bald -headed man in front
OF US, how young he looked? 6 Then
he sllenced her by replying, ssMy
dear, l was bald-headed before I was
a year Old
NOT QUITE WHAT HE MEANT,
THOUGH. -Milk-man--sT Tell yer moth
Ell she'll ave to pay me read money
fur milk in futur'; I amt a-goin' to
chalk up any more.'' Boys Wot
are yer a-goin' to use instid then, Mr..
Simpson e.
'WHAr do you think of these shoes
at $4!' said Bob the other day, as he
put one of his pedal extremities on the
table for inspection. ssVery cheap,
considering the size of the FOOT was
Jacks reply, as his eye wandered over
vast garden of sole leather.
PROFESSOR, elepuently holding
forth to the Junior rhetoric class. One
OF it's members on the back seat, like
wise holding forth to her neighbor.)
Professor. II beg pardon, Miss A., I
believe interrupted you Miss A.
-"Oh, no, not at all had finished"
DEAR me, ''said Mrs. Watkins, on
hearing of the death of her friend
Mrs. Tompkins. 81 feel that I am
very poorly prepared for eternity. I
haven, t single dress fit to be laid out
in And she at once gave orders to
the dressmaker for a new dress.
ssTHE handspring Of italian
music in the eighteenth century, y
says recent writer, 6 was the eXclu-
sion and passionate worship of the
human voice. But italian music has
experienced a change. Its handspring
is now in a box, and is worked with
a handle.
BEY oND REAsoN.-Doctor.- -ssOh,
there you are, Smith! How's the
wife, Farmer" Wuss, IN afeared,
sir Doctor.--" Indeed! Is she wan
dering?' Farmer. No, no; she's
sensible. That's what I'm afeared of.
l never knowed her so sensible. She's
onnaturally sensible
A PENNSYLVANIA politician, who
had suddenly become very wealthy,
recently attended dinner-party at
which there was the usual fllet of beef
with mushrooms. While engaged
upon the beef, he whispered to his
neighbor, "Do you eat the clothes
pin heads, too -
els this my train % asked a travel
er at the Kansas Pacific depot of
lounger. II don't know, but I guess
not, . was the doubtful reply. II see
it's got the name of the railroad COM
pany on the side, and I expect it
belongs to them. Have you lost train
. | IA