River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1881-09-08
IN Al NUTSHELL.

real comfort? An aching tooth.
a man is more likely to forget his
first sweetheart than his first pipe.
Camping out" will be popular this
summer with those who nevel. tried
it.
! Chicago has fixed day in 1882
when all telegraph wires must go un-
derground.
Elizabeth Cady Stanton is quite i'll
with malignant fever at her home at
Tenahy, N. ].
Skilled engineers are said to be want
ed on the railroads but there's killed
brakemen enough ON all of them.
''You are not fond of money for it.
selfg' "Oh, no" said Johnsonburg:
Il am fond of isfor myself"
A fsherman's occupation ought to
be the most profitable, because the en-
tire gross receipts are net profits.
The chair in which John Hancock
sat when ne signed the declaration of
independence is in st. Pauls church at
Norfolk, Va.
We have just read handkerchiffiirt-
| alton code, and advise all men desiring
to avoid breach of promise suits to wipe
the mouths with their coat-tails.
Oh, let the women vote if they want
to. Any woman who supports hus-
band and family of children is capable
of supporting the constitution.
Kentuckians seem to be losing their
skill as marksmen. In faction fight
in Menifee county, fifty shots were
fired without hitting anybody
Hon. William L. Scott, of Erie, Pa,
IN 1916 was page in congress. Gen
eral Charles M. Reed, member of con-
gress from Erie, took him home and
gave him employment at weighing
coal. Mr.. SCOTS fortune is now esti-
mated at 100000.
When you are told story, my son,
never remark: THAT isn't the way /
heard ii" etc. Don't you know that
stories are told to give pleasure to the
teller and not to the hearer?-Boston
Transcript.
A correspondent of Forest and Stream
gives the following anti-musuuito re-
clpe: Three ounces sweet oil, one
ON1hCO CiI OOllC hllD III every
half hour until the pores have thor
oughly absorbed it.
The reports of the failure of the
peach crop this year seem to be well
grounded for once. The latest esti-
mates show that Delaware, which usu-
ally produces some 100000 baskets,
will yield this year not more than 12O,-
000
People have recovered from wounds
as severe as the presidents. But we
can augur nothing from that unless we
know how many doctors they endured.
The wound and six doctors is dread
full tax for the strongest vitality.-Buf-
taIo Express.
"If you find locomotive rushing at
you,' says Virginia philosopher,
spring in the air and come down on
the cow-catcher." This plan is an ex-
cellent one, on Virginia railroads. But
if the man on the track is in hurry,
he will not waste time riding on cow
catcher.
A family at Milwaukee were delight
ed on hearing that an uncle, whom
they had last known ten years before
as penniless dependent, had left
fortune of half a million at his death
in Nevada; but when they receivrd
copy of his will they found nothing in
it for them, except a reminder that
they had turned him away hungry
from their door.
They were touching up their toilets
preparatory to the afternoon parade.
"Cicely, my dear, do you think I need
any more color in my face? THAT
depends; if you only want delicate
blush, you have it just right. But if
you want your complexion to match
your hair, put on little more vermil-
hon." Do you suppose they walked
together that afternoon? Not any.
Our Set-"Angeline, my dear, you
should not sit on the veranda in the
edge of the evening; you will contract
malaria" said a careful mother. 81
know it, ma" was the cheerful reply;
chats what I'm trying to do. All our
set have the malaria. 1t is quite the
idea, / assure you. What could mann
ma say?
A little boy with base ball bat
y.
A stone he SHES at brindle cat
but the voice of the sobbing sea is dumb.
For thee my love, viii my strong right arm
(Hoarse is the man with liver pad
Plough up the stumps on a western farm,
(And solid I'll get with thy grizzled dad
Oh the red, red rose is red you bet
autumn is coming my sweet, my sweet
Maud S will tr0t in two-seyen yet
(0rmy name isn't Red headed Granger Pete).
Chicago Tribune
A tub race at Atlantic City the other
day drew crowd of five thousand
persons. The people didn't care SO
much about the race, but the sight of
washtub was quite a revelation to
most of them. Several of the young
ladies were quite enthusiastic in their
expressions of delight, one of them re-
marking that the washtub's rugged,
unassuming beauty was quite too over
powering for idle words.
A Pleasant Call-"Come here Hid
ebrand, my love-" said a fond New
Haven mother as her spindle-legged
youngster appeared just inside the
gate, 'Hildebrand should say so.
How came you to tie such a homely
boy to such high-priced name ?" said
a bIunt-spoken caller. He may be
homely, but he's mine, thank you. |
didn't have to marry a widower with
four great overgrown boys, as you did"
This treading on corns, metaphorically,
doesn't pay.
In Vermont there have been two
kinds of law suits, and only two, tor the
last fifty years-suits between towns,
relating to the care of paupers, and
suits against towns for damages result
ing from defective highways. Suits of
this last class have now been abolished
by act of legislature, and people who
drive skittish horses in that state here
after will do so at their peril. A bro
ken plank in bridge will not, in the
eye of the law, be responsible for
broken leg, and lofty water-bar near
the bottom of a hill cannot be blamed
it, as sometimes happens, it keels
buggy ON the down grade over so that
the hind wheels bestride the horses
neck. The same legislature practically
disposed, of the long-pending railroad
litigation by crowding out judge who
knew too much law, and now pretty
much all disputes in the Green Noun
tain state will be settled on Ethan
Aliens plan, "by the Great Jehovah and
Continental Coporess -