The Canton advocate. [volume] (Canton, D.T. [S.D.]) 1877-1897, 1881-08-18

meaning, ana yet rOamer Is frequent
ly without cent.
The proverb says: mark the perfect
man." Proverb be bowed! Anybody
who rises to mark us will get bruised
A Brooklyn maiden wants to know
how to avoid having a mustache come
OH her upper lip. Eat onions, sis.
Now doth the busy bumble-bec
Improve each shining hour
BY driving his small sting with glee
In boys with all his power.
A new definition A jury is body
OF men organized to find out which side
has the smartest lawyer. -McGrsgo,
News.
There is a wonderful power in ina
glnation, but it gets weak in the knees
when it undertakes to shoulder a picnic
lemonade.
Nobbs says Filkins wouldn't tell lie
under any consideration, but he has
known him to egregionsly equivocate
under skin full of schnapps.
A man advertises for competent
person to undertake the sale of a new
medicine, and adds that "it will be
highly lucrative to the undertaken"
A girl opened barber shop at Ho-
mer, ILL.,, and closed it in a month,
having already married one Of the men
whom she shaved.
Young ladies and elephants attain
their growth at eighteen; but whereas
eighteen trunks scarcely suffice for
young lady, the elephant has to get
along with one.
She didn't sing in accents glad
She almost spoiled the chorous
And this was all because she had
Upon her back porous.
"a new puzzle is to find the letter
M on the legal-tender silver dollar"
10 great many persons it will prove
a great deal harder puzzle to find the
dollar itself.-Nor7istoWn Herald.
William r. Dickerson, one of the
oldest lawyers in Philadelphia, was re-
spected and fairly successful before he
went into the great Whitaker will for
gerry. Now he is broken down, penni-
less, and convict.
Nevada, Vermont and Maine pay less
internal revenue tax than any other
three states, and Illinois, Kentucky and
New York are the three that pay the
most. The yield is chiefly from whis-
key and tobacco.
Reports from Kansas cities agree
that the prohibitory liquor law past last
winter is already disregarded. All the
saloons were closed awhile, but they
are now open, and the traffic suffers no
interference.
Too much work and too little food
have thrown a Baltimore gill into a
strange condition of hysteria and cpl
lepsy. During several weeks she has
lain unconscious of her surroundings,
but fancying that she sees her dead
parents, to whom she talks raptur-
ously.
Mamma" said tive-year old, the
other day, 81 wish you wouldn't leave
me to take care of baby again. He was
so bad l had to eat all the sponge cake
and two jars of raspberry jam to amuse
him.
A witness was on the stand in an lille
gal liquor sale case. The counsel was
trying 10 find out in what kind OF a
glass the liquor was handed to the wit
ness, and at last exclaimed: "What
kind of a looking glass was it," "Be.
CORA. sor, it was not a looking. glass at
all, it was q tumbler."
Brownson: Well, I always make it a
rule to tell my wife everything that
happens. Smithkins: Oh, my dear
fellow, that's nothing. l tell my wife
lots of things that never happened al
all.
4 About 5000 pounds of roses are re-
quired to produce one pound of the
altar Of roses. This delightful perfume
is chiefly produced in Bulgaria, where
the value of the yield in 1880 was esti-
mated at 100000.
I A couple eloped at Falling Springs
w. Va, and were hotly pursued by the
girls father. His horse threw him,
breaking his leg, and the sutton consid.
erately bore him back home. This
caused q diversion, giving the young
man time to prove that he was not a
gambler, as his skill at cards had led
the father to believe, but belonged to a
wealthy and respectable Boston family
A peaceful wedding ensued.
Henry Den Thompson, the "Uncle
josh" Of theatrical fame, and wife
are enjoying the summer at their home
. III Mr.. Tilonpeon's native village, Yves,
Swanzey, N. H. "Uncle Josh" has a
!. line two-stery-and-a-half house, hand
somely furnished, large. and commo.
dious barn, and nine acre plat Of
ground. His parents, Capt. and Mrs.
Rufus Thompson live near by. The
, latter will celebrate their golden wed.
ding on the 18th of this month.
One Of a Cincinnati Judges reasons
, for refusing TO grant a divorce to mar
was that he had taken his wife "from
the domestic circle and launched hel
, into the midst of iniquities which sur
round the path Of comedy and youth
. ful female in . business life requiring
!, travel and frequent contact with worldly
people," In other words he had SEN
her out a. a book agent.
Wonderful Power.
Q When medicine performs such cure
as Kidney.Wort is constantly doing, j
9 may truly be said to have wonderful
!. power. A carpenter in Montgomery
u VT, had suffered for eight years from
/ the worst Of kidney diseases, and hat
a been wholly incapacitated for work
, He says, "One box made new man o
y me, end ! sincerely believe it will re
7, store TO health ell that are similarl,
. Afflicted" Il is now sold in both lioui,,
and dry form. Dunbury Meas.