The Weekly Kansas chief. [volume] (Troy, Kan.) 1872-1918, 1881-06-23
SPooPENpYKE
WIN, Come. of Getting News from n Pattern

SIS there any truth in this story that Mr.. Gar
field has killed Senator Conklingf" inquired
Mrs. SpoOpendyke, fitting the sleeve into the
arin-hole, and running in the basting.
.No" ejaculated Mr.. Spoopendyke. s'Where
did you get thats Mr.. Conkling has resigned,
but he amt dead
81 read that he had got into some difficulty
with Mr. Garfield, and Mr.. Garfield had dragged
him all around by the ear, and finally they had
to take Mr.. Conkling away to save his life,
though he died afterward."
WHO said so :" demanded Mr.. Spoonendyke
"Whered you read anything like that Z"
81 read it ON pattern that Mrs. Winterbotl-
am loaned me for an overskirt. I'm sure it's So
replied Mrs. Spoopendyke.
..Get the PATTERN" said Mr. Spoopcndyke.
''ShOw it to me,r
Mrs. Spoopendyke nnrolled the pattern, and
commenced TO read:
The complications at Washington have as
sumed the most exciting shape. To-day, the
trouble between Garfield and Conkling culmina-
ted by COnkling Selling him by the throat and
holding on, while the crowd yelled with delight.
Twenty 10 one was offered, but Garfield remains
firm, and declares that the Administration will
not yield. This position aroused the crowd to
frenzy. IL is said that Conkling really desires
to retire to private life, but Garfield ut that mo
ment planted his teeth in his game advcrsary's
ear, and dragged him around until the friends
of Conkling interfered, to save the poor things
life. He was taken home, but died in few
Minutes There" said Mrs Spoopendyke, tri-
umphantly, "a told you sor
''Show me" said Mr.. Spoopendyke, jumping
up. and seiZing the pattern. "Where dive find
such dod gasted nonsense a. that 7 Where is
itY
''There, it begins under the rnffie, then it runs
over ON the band, and down on the gore, and
ends here ON the plating. / knew I'd seen it,"
and Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled pleasantly.
whats the matter with you, You measly idi-
OF ~ hOwled Mr. SpoODrndyke aThis ia where
yon get your political information, is it This
~ the source of Your intelligence on National
atfairsf All you want is two more patterns and
bald head, to he a constitutional lawyer.
Three overskirts and pair of spectacles would
make you Supreme Court Judge! What dye
think this is ~
'Isn't it right ?" faltered Mrs Spoopsndyke.
ibid you read from the rufile over to the band,
and down TO the GORE
..ies, did, didn't ~ sqneaked Mr.. SpOOpen-
dyke, land so did yOu, didn't youf Do you
know what you've got here n
isn't it pat"
bod CAST the patten-I mean that print
Part of it is about Garfield part about Conk-
ling, and the rest is dog-fght ont on Long
Island. Know what it is nOwi Think yOu can
understand it, now I've explained it to youf
Oh! you cant You've got brains, Some day
m gong to run pipe into your ear, and start
q phosphorus factoryw and Mr.. SpO0pendyke
danced ont of the room, leaving it strewn with
pattern dust.
81 don't care sobbed Mrs. Spoopendyke, ait
read all right and the skirt fitted nicely that
supposed the articles were put together
straight. And it was so perfectly natural any,
body might make the same mistake. It's so like
most of the news from Washington that I've
been expecting it every day." and Mrs. SpOopen-
lyke overcast the sleeve with the serene con-
victIon that, after all, you've got to patch
newspaper into pattern to get at the actual
tacts sOmetimes.-BrOOkiyH Eagle.