The Portland daily press., 1881-12-16
JINochIaltU OVuK IoK J
The Effect Of Culture.

A few months ago the daughter of Rock
land man, who has grown comfortably well off
in the small grocery line, was sent away to a
"female college," and last week she arrived
home for the holiday vacation. The old man
was In attendance at the depot when the train
arrived, with the old horse in the delivery wag-
on to convey his daughter and her trunk to the
house. When the train had stopped, be-
witching array of dry goods and wide-brimmed
hat dashed from the car, and flung itself into
the elderly party's arms-s
"Why you superlative pal" she exclaimed;
"I'm ever so utterly glad TO see yoc.
The old man was somewhat unnerved by the
greeting but he recognized the sealskin cloak
In his grip as the identical piece of property he
had paid for with tho bay mare, and he sort of
squat it up in his arms, and planted kiss
where it would do the most good with a report
that sounded above the noise Of the depot In
brief space of time the trunk and its attend
ant baggage were loaded into the wagon,
toward home
"Pa. DEAR" said the young miss, surveying
the team with critical eye, "do you consider
this quite excessively beyond?"
"Hey?" returned thepld man with apuzzled
air. "quite excessive beyond what? Beyond
Warren? consider it somewhat about ten
mile beyond Warren, countin' from the Bath
way If that's what you mean T"
"Oh, no, pa, you. don't understand me- the
daughter explained. II mean this wagon and
horse do you think they are soulful-do you
think they could be studied apart in the light
of q symphony, or even a-simple poem, and
appear as intensely utter to one on returning
home as one could express?"
The old man twisted uneasily in his seat and
muttered something about he believed it used
to be used for an express before he bought 1t
to deliver pork in. but the conversation ap-
peared to be travelling in such lonesome di-
rection that he fetched the horse resounding
crack on the rotunda, and the severe jolting
over the frozen ground prevented further re-
marks. I.
"Oh, there is that lovely and consummate
ma!' screamed the returned collegiatess as
they drew up at the door, and presently she
was lost in the embrace of a motherly woman
In spectacles.
"Well, Maria,' said the old man at the sup
per table, as he nipped pieceof butter off the
lump with his own knife, "an' how'd you like
your SCHOOL," 9A
"Well, there, pa, now you're shou--I mean,
daughter. ut is unquenchably ineffable.
The girls are so sumptuously stunning mean
grand-so exquisite--so intense. And then
the parties, the balls, the rides-oh! the past
weeks have been one sublime harmony"
"I s'pose SOL s'pose so." nervously assented
the old man as he reached for his third cup,
''half full''--"but how about your books--read.
in, writin'. grammar, rule 0. three-how
about them?"
"Pa! don'tn' exclaimed the daughter re-
proachfully; "the rule of three! grammar! 1t
Is French and music and painting and the di-
~x,n ,,,o hot haua ar NV
bos-I mean that have rendered it one unbrok-
en- flow Of rhythmic bliss -incomparably and ex.
quisitely all but
The grocery man and his wife looked help
lessly at each other across the table. After a
lonesome pause the old lady said:
"How do you like the biscuits, Maria7"
s'They are too utter for anything" gushed
the accomplished young lady, "and this plum
preserve is simply poem in itself"
The old man rose abruptly from the table,
and went out of the room. rubbing his head IN
dazed and benumbed manner, and the mass
convention was dissolved. That night he and
his wife sat alone by the stove until laie hour
and at the breakfast table the next morning he
raped smartly on his plate with the handle OF
his knife and remarked:
"Maria-me an your mother have been talk
in the thing over, an we've come to the con-
clusion that this boardin' school business Is 100
utterly all but too much nonsense. Me an her
consider that we haven't lived sixty consum-
mate years for the purpose OF raisn' a curiosi-
ty, an there's goin' to be stop put to this un-
auenchable foolishness. Now, after you've
finished eatin' that poem of fried sausage an
that symphony O. twisted doughnut you take
an dust up stairs in less'n two seconds an
peel off that fancy gown an put on calker,
an then come down here and help your moth
er wash dishes want it distinctly under
stood that there aia't goin to be no more rhyth-
mic fooishness in this house, so longs your su'
perlative pa an your lovely an consummate
mas runnin' the rancho. You hear me, Ma
ria?''
Maria was listening.