The Pascagoula democrat-star. (Pascagoula, Miss.) 1878-1920, 1881-10-21
PHUNNYGRAPHS.

replied the rat.
Ifyou engage in a wheat deal and
rake in the profits, call it legiti'
mate. Ii You get bitten, say It's
gambling. Always be consistent.
An exchange says: "The surest
way to bring on a rainstorrn is To
have u tair.p In other words, then.
fair weather is generally foul
weather.
Quicklime will destroy the scent
OF q dead dog, and sometimes a
quick climb up tree is the easiest
way TO get away from the scent OF
a live dog.
No, angel, cake was not invented
by the Celestials. They were, how
eyer, the originators OF the Chinese
cracker, which makes up in noise
what it lacks in nourishment.
A professor in French in an Al.
bany school recently asked pupil
what WIS the gender of academy.
The unusually bright pupil re-
sponded that it depended on
whether it was q male or female
academy.
Prot: "Which is the most deli
cate of the sensesin Soph.: "The
touch.' Prot: "Prove it, Soph.:
"When you sit on pin. you can't
see it-you can't hear it-you can't
taste it-you can't smell it; but
its there
An Irish servant girl, q year
over, was given macaroni by her
mistress TO prepare for the table.
Noticing her surprise, the lady
SAID, "Didn't you cook macaroni
at your last place'" "Cook itf
We used them things to light the
gas WITH
"This butter, Mr.. Spicer,n said
the dealer, "carried ofl the prize at
the farmers fair,r and Seth spat
out u taste of the compound aud
remarked: "Unless the prize was
Il ships anchor and a chain cable,
| should think the butter could
have carried it of easily.n
A bit for Bismarck A German
complaining OF the overshadowing
influence of militarism: "See the
effect cn our children; II We have
handsome, well-made boys, they
join the military il girls, the mill.
tary join them.'
A pretty girl out West told her
beau that she was q mind-reader.
"You don't say so" he exclaimed.
" Ycs,7 she said, "you have in mind
to ask me to be your wife, but you
are just "a little scared ut the idea."
Their wedding cards are out.
A Chicago girl writes homo
from Dublin: The moment | set
foot on Irish soil could observe
that | attracted attention" From
what is said of Chicago feet it is to
be presumed that they would at
tract attention If set upon any soil.
Heartfelt thanks: An Iowa edi.
tor thus acknowledges q present Of
grapes: ave have received O
basket of fine grapes from our
friend W., for which he will please
accept our compliments, some Of
which are nearly two inches in
diameter"
The sehoolboys of the present
day have more fun than We used
to. Nowadays boys 90 out at
races and rob a train and get money
enough to buy circus, while We
thought we were in luck il We could
steal copper boiler aud sell it for
enough to buy half-fare ticket to
tho circus.
After q strict cross-examination
it wus found that the old bachelor
did not call the thin female "a fiat,
termagant woman but he gave
her the retort courteous in these
words: "You flatter me, gaunt
woman The court cautioned him,
however, to speak more slowly and
distinctly In the future.
When Lydia Thompson's hus-
baud doesn't want her to go out Of
an evening he seals her clothes up
in an envelope and hands 1t to the
hotel clerk to lock up In tha safe,--
Er. Such trifle would not prevent
her from going OH the stage, how
ever. She could wear q sweet
smile, and a rose in her hair, as
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Herald.
A member of the New Hampshire
legislature denounced bill that
was under discussion as "treacher-
ous as was the stabbing OF Cesar
by Judas in the Roman capital
Then he got out of 1t by saying
that he used "by Judas as q sort
Of oath, just as he would say "by
George or "by tunket.a He knew
we'll enough It was Hannibal who
stabbed Caesar.
| aYou know said Rice, "how ths
negro likes 'possum.n Two darkiei
were riding from tho field after .
hard days plowing. They began
to talk about the good things q
eat. .T-a.k-o good f-a-h-t pos
sum--pah bile him--pnt him y olt
fashion Dutch oviilg--roaa' hin
brow r--tha other darkeys eye
rolling and mouth watering as the
description went on-ssaryo hin
Inn wid o.o.o-l1 grady scnnI Io