The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-07-01
Cham pion Liars.
Netc Orleans Times.

NeU oTte"s "teSs
Hanks grocery Is situated on the edge OF
prairie in southern Texas, and on Sunday
quite a crowd used to meet there aud swap
news and lies and have horse races, and get
boiling drunk and indulge in other harmless
amusements. Old Lem Williams used to be
on hand every Sunday, and was considered
the boss liar In the State. One Sunday Lem
Williams himself was seated in front Of
Hanks grocery store, splitting tobacco juice
at grashopper, when Bill Barker remarked: I:
"How's crops up your way, Lem?"
"WelI," he replied, " corn's sorter gin to
tasseling, but the stand is powerful poor"
"That seems TO be the general complaint"
remarked Bill.
"Yes; this here country amt good for
raisin' corn," said Lem, as he took fresh
chew "but If you want to see corn what Is
corn, you just orter go to Fort Bend. When
was farming on the Brazos, in that country,
my corn grew so tall and thick that had to
hang lamps or the mules ears to see how to
plow furrow. 1t was corn and no mistake,
and In the fall the stalks were so high that
had TO knock the ears down with a sassafras
pole. Darn my skin, the ears were SO big
that IL TUX strong man to carry more'n
three Of 'em at time."
"Speakin' about strong men," remarked
Bill Barker" "sorter causes me TO remem-
her an old steamboat captain who used to
run on the Yazoo river in '5S. One day he
stopped at a landing for some wood, and the
niggers were kinder slow about bringin' 1t
aboard. Old Judkins, the captain, reused
up and cussed everything in reach. Says he,
walkin' up to the woodpile whar the niggers
were at work: pile on your timber, yer
onery skunks, and let me show yer how to
carry wood an he stretched out his arms.
Well, sir, the niggers piled on the wood and
kept pilin' until Judkins had coard and q
half OF frewood on his shoulders, and he
turned and carried It on the boat just as easy
as If 1t was a bokay. He was what I'd call
purity tolerable stout man."
"That reminds me of man used to
know in Buford county, Alabamy," said q
stranger named Upper, who had been in the
neighborhood but short time. All eyes
were turned towards the speaker and they
began to size him up. 81 gliess old Pete
Jennings" continued the stranger, "was
the heftiest man In these United States, IL
amt mistaken"
.You see, one day he was hauling some
fence posts in an OK wagon, when the wheels
began TO creek like they needed greasin. He
looked under the wagon for his tar bucket
and found it warn't thar, and what do 'spose
he did?n
AZ don't know" growled Bill Barker and
Lem Wallace I'm chorus.
{. swell, I'll just fell you what he did. He
propped up the axle-tree, TUX the wheel of,
and steppin' out IN the woods he picked up a
pine knot, held IL over the axle and squeezed
the tar outen it. Old Pete Jennings had a
grip what beat wise, you bet"
"Stranger," said Lem Williams, as he rose
up, !" don't like to dispute a mans word,
but that's blazing lie, and amt gwine to
believe IT," and he and Bill Barker, out-lied
and disgusted, mounted their horses and left
Upper with serene smile on his face as he
whitfield the edge of a cracker box.