The weekly miner. [volume] (Butte, Mont.) 1878-1881, 1881-11-15
S~poopendyke's Baby.

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with a grin that involved his whole head, and
an effort at a tip-toe tread that shook the
whole house ''and so it's a girl my dear"
Mrs. Spoopendyke smiled family and Mr..
Spoopendyke picked up his heiiess.
ats the image of you" she said, regarding,
with some trepidation, Mr.. Spoopendyke's
method of handling the infant.
81 don't see how you make that out" said
Mr.. Spoopendyke gravely. 81 doH't know
when my nose looked like the thumb part of
a boiled lobster claw. Do l understand you
that my eyes bear any resemblance to the head
of a screw"
81 mean the general features murmured
Mrs. Spoopendyke.
"The general features seem to be all
mouth" said Mr.. ~Spoopendyke, examining
all alike, my vlsage must remind you ofan
earthquake. Hi. kitchee. kitchee! What
makes her fold up her legs like that?'
"She can't help it, reasoned Mrs. Spoop.
endyke. "TheyTl Strengthen out in time"
s'No time like the present. quoted Mr..
Spoopendyke, and he took his daughters feet
and commenced pulling her limbs. Il don't
want any bandy-leggeL first in this family
while I'm at the head If it,"
Naturally the baby began to cry and Mr..
Spoopendyke essay ed, to sooth it.
Hi! kitchee kitchee. kitchee-ee-ee.." he
chirruped. "Great Scott, what a cavern
--.,l At. 1901 =,.,u1z1 II.
kitchee kitchee. You'll have to get that
mouth rooted in before cold weather. What's
the matter with her anyhow
''Perhars you hurt her. Let me take her,
Please pleaded helpless Mrs. Spoopendyke,
.'She's dong we'll enough. Hi! you
Hold up! Haven't you anything to catch this
mouth in? It's splitting all over the nelghbor-
hood. Hi. Topsy, Genevieve, Cleopatra, dry
up! I'm going to have trouble breaking this
young ones temper, l can see that. Here
bend the other way at once :" and Mr.. Spoop-
endyke tried to st~raighten up his offspring
without avail.
Let her come to ne, do please" moaned
Mrs. Spoopendyke, and Mr.. Spoopendyke was
forced to hand her over.
"Well, that. quite a baby" said he nursing
his knee and cycling the baby. "What're
those bumps over it's eyes for ? What pre-
ponderance of intelligence do they repre-
sent ~
"You mustn't talk So" demonstrated Mrs
Spoopendyke. s'She Is the handsomest child
you ever saw"
"Well she's got to stop biting her nails be-
fore she goes an further with this procession.
Here, take your hands out of your mouth
can't you? Why don't you put her hands
down? ?"
"Why, all babies do that" explained Mrs.
Spoopendyke. "You cant stop that"
"I'm going to try," said Mr.. Sp~oopendpke,
s'and l don't want to be interfered with in
bringing this child up. Here, you, Maud S.
Bonesetter, put your hands in your pockets :!
Don't let me see any more nail-chewing, or
you and I'll get mixed up in an argument,
She gets that from your family, Mrs. Spoop-
endyke."
"Say, dear, don't you want to 60 and order
some things? ?" asked Mrs. Spoopendyks.
No." rejoined her husband, 81 want to see
that youngster. Where's her hin?SDo all
babies have their upper jaw set right on their
shoulders? Kitchee! kitchee! Her scalp
comes clear to the bridge Of her nose. Where's
her forehead? Great Moses? Her head is all
on the back part! Say that baby's got to be
pressed. That's no shape"
sect away" exclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke,
Indignantly. ashes a perfect angel. There's
nothing in the world the matter with her,"
"Of course you know" groaned Mr.
Spoopendyke. "You don't want anything
more than a fog horn and a misspent appro
priation to be an orphan asylum. If l hat
your faith, and the collie I'd make a living a
a fodndIings homel She'll be old enough Il
spank in a week, won't she?"
.sNo, she WON'T" said Mrs. Spoopendyke
she'll never be old enough for that"
"IlI bet she WIZ grunted Mr.. Spoopen
dyke, sand if she isn't she'll get it befors
she natures up to that period. That's all
Here, let me take her,"
But Mrs. S~poopendyke fatty refused.
sKeep your dod -gasted baby, then" roared
Mr. spoopendyke; aft you know more about
babies than / DO, then keep her. The way