Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1881-07-18

Adam never dared to use the silly slang
"Some other Eve"
The stylish ladies' hat looks like a thun-
der storm chasing a rose-pink sunset.
Soldiers must be fearfully dishonest" +"
| said Mrs. Partington. sit seems to be
an occurrence every night for man to be
relieved of his watch''
A little Georgia man who wrote to
Santa Claus for pony was wise enough
to add: ''Poscrit. If he a mule, Pies ty
| his behine legs"
| An old bachelor was courting widow
and both had sought the aid of art to
| give their fading hair a darker shade
''That's going to be an affectionate COUP
lie" said wag. Chow so?" HThey are
dying for each other already"
A fellow fished a rich old gentleman out
of mill-pond, and refused the offer of
twenty-five cents from the rescued miser.
| "Oh! that's too much!' exclaimed he.
"'Taint worth it." And he handed back
tWenty-one cents, saying, calmly, as he
| pocketed four cents "That's about right. %
| A Danbury bootblack was in South
/ Norwalk when the train went through
there, on its way to Hartford, with the
nations military dignitaries. ''Did you
| see General Sherman?" asked citizen,
this morning, while having shine. ''No.
Was he looking for me?" was the re-
sponse. The citizen was shocked.
Anxious sister, to brother George, who
has just finished a sparring lesson
"Promise me, please, never to box again.
If you want something for protection,
learn to fence" George: ''Well, if I was
attacked, 1 might not have a rapier with
me-" She triumphantly eyes, but you
might not have your boxing-gloves
either"
An Oil City man, who suspected that
his servant-girl was in the habit of using
kerosene for kindling, put Just taste OF
n1tro-glycerine in the oil-can, as a test
Contrary to expectation, nothing happen
ed, but day or two later the girl came
around and asked him to subscribe some
thing toward buying a new stove for hel
poor old mother, as the old one had faller
to pieces. -
"Well, I'm getting about tired of this
ERE life,' said an ultra specimen of the
genus tramp. ''Going half starved one
day and drenched to the skin another
sleeping one night in barn, the mex
under hedge, and third in the lookup
this life isn't what it used to be. Tell ye
what it's, boys, if 'twasn't for the look
Of the thing, I'd 60 to work"
"Spell court" the teacher cried unit,
the boy up head. ''C-o-r-t," he shot i
out. ''Next." sharply then she said
''Court, COURT, court, said Jack. ode
fine the word, now, please" ''Define
what's that?" s'Why, tell me what cour
means, you little tease SIT means tha
when the feller comes he motions his head
and says: sJemima, can't you send tina
little imp to bed?'"
AS she sat on the steps on Sunday eve
ming, he claimed the right to kiss fo
every shooting star. She at first demul
red, as became a modest maiden: but fiji
ally yielded. She was even so accommt
dating as to call his attention to fiyin
meteors that were about to escape h
observation, and then got to sscalline
/, him on lightning bugs, and at last e
him down to steady work ON the light
a lantern that man was swinging abo,
: a depot in the distance where trains WEI
switching.
Itching Piles-Symptoms and Cur
The symptoms are moisture, like pc
l. spiration, intense itching, increased |
q scratching, very distressing, particular
b at night, as if pin worms were crawlil
in and about the rectum the private par
are sometimes affected; if allowed to co
Y tinue very serious results may folio
~ ssDR. SwAYNE's ALL-HEALING OINTMEN
20 is pleasant sure cure. Also for tette
= itch, salt rheum, scald head, erysipels
q barber's itch, blotches, all scaly, crust
Q. cutaneous eruptions. Price so cents.
boxes for S1.25. Sent by mail to any a
dress on receipt of price in currency,
4 three cent postage stamps. Prepared on
Us by DR.. Swayne & Son, $50 North Sixth S
tlv be addressed. Sold by all promine
le. druggists. 4