The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1881-08-03
uum.~ous Items.

Humoeons Items.
A good story used to be current OF q New
| orIeau. bar.keeper named George w. hoit.
DurInp the war he issued his W sDin-
masters. aHd received them for liquor.
New Orleaas boys left for the seat OF war
| loaded with them. Holt removed 10 new
York. and after the war met a number OF
these sold Confeds" Just released from
EImlra prison pen. He invited them TO
| natronfze bis bar. They hled down to u tone
hundred strong. called for champagne WIN.
out limit, drank IL freely, and then pdtd
Holt Nth his Nep Orleans shin ptdSterS!
He protested in vain. The boys formed IN
line, saluted the Disguised saioonatlc, ana
marched up Broadway, ragged and rollcK-
ing, chanting generously, WHO care
for Moth.r Nowf"
A bathing attendant ct Brighton Beach,
who saw Roscoe Conkling ana ex-senator
PIatt, gives the following description -
never seed such a swimmer before. lie
came here and took a bath one evening last
week with ex Senator Platt. They went IN
together, walked down the bridge, ana
struck right out. Conkling got beyond
the breakers tight away, and be went
around as graceful as a fish. He's a hlgh
kicker In The water. Tsin't good style 10
show 80 much heel, but he made good tlme'
He swum roun' and roun'. while the 'other
grabbed the line, kinder skeered ike, ana
Jumped up and down and sputtered out saiC
water. When Mr.. Conkling came out his
curly hair was all wet and drabbly."
Du Maurier lat a smoking concer) {:
90 Herr Professor-'You hat a blessing
foice, nv young yrent. Pot you ton't bro
tuce il In q lechidimate vay.' Our Tenor
Perhaps II l did it would no longer
please.' Herr PrOfessor-'Ach! Vat oil
dati pleasure is not efery ding. You
should always brotuce your foiee IN a
lechidimate way, yedder it kits pleasure or
not"
"Well, Charley, what are you reading 2"
said a father to his son last Sunday. sob.
Pm reading Daniel in the Lions Dem"
Father goes over and picks up the book,
and fnds It is a dime novel called "Pele
Jones in Africa" "Why," says be, this
il a dime novel" "No, 20, that's only the
revised Of Daniel In the Lions Deh.'"-
Puck.
London Fun: "Young Lady And you
really mean to say that at times you 90 not
have enough to eat. Why, l always thought
that poor people in the country could get
eggs, bacon, milk, and vegetables LOT no
thing Country Woman only three
things as W gifts fur muffin. Mlss--air'
water, and the parsons ADVICE
"If you find a locomotive rushing at
you.D SAYS a Virginia philosopher, "sprins
into the air and come down on the cow
catcher" That's good "spring" advice,
but our midsummer plan would be to step
of the track.-DetTOit Free Press.
fellow never thoroughly realizes what
a blooming ignOramus he has been all bis
lifetime until he enters into intellectual
converse with a Boston schOOlmarm on her
summer solstice.-NeU York CONNIE }tdI
Advertiser.
A bow named Potter blew into the muz.
zle OF a gun at Paducab, KY, the other day
to find out whether it was loaded. He was
very %relicent subsequently, but clrcum-
stances justify the belief that he found OUT
The Philadelphia Chronicle Herald finds
that The internal machines were put into
barrels that were merely intended TO hold
whiskey, and that they were meant only 10
bow the snakes out.
The revival OF hoopskirts has come In
time TO make the goats OF Jersey City smile.
They eXnect soon TO resume their OLD article
Of diet when the hoops become old aud are
thrown into open lots.
No; you cannot cultivate a mans sight
bv throwing dirt into his eyes. You see,
it's not a fertile eye, sir.-Neu York Com
mercidt advertiser.
A Cheyenne brave is never so happy as
when he has a string OF old tomato-cans
around his neck and is having a war s1nce
or can.can.
One pretty ST. Louis giil has a whole
club on a string" The same may be said
Of a New York policeman.
w0NEN's RIGHTS.
Sir William Hamilton said con earth
there is nothing great but man." Thanks,
Sir William; ho, thanks awiully. Now,
what have you to say, Mrs. Liyermorey-
Burlington Hdukeye.
OF LIGHT WEIGHT.
A facetious baker in Auburn put a broad
grin lately on the faces OF all his customers
by announcing on a conspicuous placard
that he sold yeast OF a new kind which
made bread so light that a pound OF It only
weighed twelve ounces Albany Journal.
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