The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1881-03-24
FAOETIE.

Once he sang of summer,
Nothing but Che summer;
Now he sings of winter,
Ofwinter bleak and drear:
Just because there's fallen
A snow flake on his forehead,
He must go and fancy
'Tis winter all the yeari
II. B. Ald,tch.
If you want to make your sour kraut
Und make him taste so schweet,
Yust put him in great big bar1
Und stamp him nit your feet.
Lives of grocerymen remind us
They can make their starch half lime.
And with sugar wholly blind us.
Putting sand in all the time.
A Nevada critic, speaking of a harp
ist, said, "We never before knew there
was so much music in a gridiron.'
Foreign intelligence that displayed
by Bridget just over. Domestic dis
patch--Johnny with the hot buckwheats.
himself unable to live herewith one wife.
and then goes to Utah and lives with
half dozen.
A medical writer asks: ''Does posi-
ton affect sleep?' Well, rather; if
you're hung up by your trowsers on a
spiked fence, you won't sleep very
soundly.
Greedy grocer (to farmers wife, who
is supplying him with butteD: ''This
pun o butter is over LIGHT. gudewife. "
Gudewife: ''Blame yersel,' then; l
weighed it wi the pun O sugar gat
frae ye yestreen.
An Alton, N. H., man has recently
moved for the eighty seventh time. He
is believed to have more correct ap-
probation of Hades than any other man
living, and certainly knows more swear
words than anybody else.-Boston
Post
1t is worth months salary to per-
suade boy that he needs an Overcoat.
The little rascal will run his hands into
his pantaloons pockets to the elbows,
and chatter his teeth, and deliberately
tell you that he's 'j-j-just as wa-a-rm."
-Ne,c Hacen (Conn.) Register.
Men should not allow their wives to
split wood" says a contemporary.
This is rather inconsiderate. How can
n man refuse when his wife comes up
with tears in her eyes and says, ''Now
do, dear, let me go down cellar and
split wood for an hour to get up an ap-
petite"
Uncompromising: The Doctors
daughtcr-'I declare, you're a dread
full fanatic, Mrs. McCizzom. 1 do be-
lieve you think nobody will be saved
but you and your ministerr' Old Lady
-"Aweel, my dear, ah whilst hae ma
doobts aboot the meenisterr'
Punch.
A South End teacher. in her holiday
vacation speech to her pupils last Fri
day, trusted they would come back
resolving that their behavior should be
unexceptionable, and that they would
give up all bad habits, when alittle girl
in the back of the room jumped up and
said 1.-The same to you, ma'am."
'.My wife lost her pocket book with
fifteen dollars in it, to-day" said sad
looking man. '.When; going down
town OF coming home?'' asked some
body. s'WhenP Didn't I tell you she
had some money in it?'' demanded the
sad-looking man, and everybody knew
when she lost it.-BostOn Transcript.
1.-The latest caprice is to have ones
bedroom upholstery to match fine
dresses, and china to match the bed
rOom.'' This seems to be the right
idea. The contrary is repugant to an
aesthetic nature. When a sensitive
man sees neighbor wearing one red
and one white sock he feels morbid
impulse to break his neck.
1t must be rather trying to be mar
ried to an emotional actress, to have
her clutching you by the throat at
a. M, and shouting in a hoarse stage
whisper, ''Slave, didst lock the kitchen
door; the key, where is't, quick; I'll
strangle thee; didst lay the milk pitch
er on the outer battlements; aye, me
good lord, I'm mad. .'-NeU York
Commercial Adce7tiSer.