The Sedalia weekly bazoo. [volume] (Sedalia, Mo.) 187?-1904, 1881-03-29
ALL SORT.
Wall pSPer - a one-sided affair.

Wall psPer - a one-sided affair.
OF musical turn-;hc hand organi-t.
There's meter IN every hymn and "A him
in every meet her
Passing around the hat - one WAY Of getting
the cents OF the meeting.
A. with q woman with horse. Hi. lack
HAIR - his Inane trouble
When New York man pops the question he
says ''lst's consolidate.
Michigan has produced a pig with trunk
Tins thing should he checked
MOT ded but gone ahei'' % the way the,
s-ars~ It upon the tombstcns- Al i'raiM"od.
captain Eade's ship raiiros,i IS no new idea.
Didn't Charon pull a boat over Siyx.
If you want 10 fnd a newspaper mans lie
sbi,les, ask him hat circulation l,ls paper las.
A glimpse of the ftIture-looking dosn the
end
1t j. very mean 10 ask whose wife il a
-hr+w " IL Is h": enough for him, il II Sold
enough for HIM
-.-t,nIy 10 her face again. - the title Of a
aey song. Ii she would only quit using powder
probably We could.
The tact tina, George Eiiots .ath ca tl.e., more
demands for her works - Respectfully, ra-i 10
Tie attention of Joaquin Miller.
A young lady art student ia Boston A. not
sver-e 20 marrying an Indian. because she viii
then ~ the "Nenu- o! i;iy 10.
something 70 our discredit. H.. should not carry
gambling 10 such extreme icagihs-
Missouri has mule HAT plays poker, Il H.
SAID. We'll bet IL doesn't play draw game. ii's
against tho mules nature TO draw.
What i. your wife's particular little game -
asked a friend Of hen pecked husband. .'Wh-n
she gets thoroughly mad, he answered, ''it's
draw poker
The well-known facts that newspapers make
excellent bed coyerlet, IL circulating again ia,,
fsA nsa maid fs.f
the wind will whistle through them like blast
through An open door
-ConfdentiaI friend to elderly and attractive
splns'er; $50, dear, you gave mp advocating
z. for womens ief:>.'' What's that 80 why.
widOwers, NV dear.
The New York Herald make. sarcastic com
ments on Bostonians because they play whist.
msht he playing poker with four aces up his
sleeve, IS desplsed IN New York.
--'Do you follow sedentary occupation ? asked
the Galveston recorder joc"-eir OF !, ssgrani. IL
should relax my features, wzs the RESPONSE.
"Ali the money have had IN ten years got
from sitting lures"
"A Cincinnati man found "A rough -iooki ing IN
dividuai in ms cellar. who are YOU - he de.
manded 1.-The gas man come To take the metre
Was the reply. .'Great heaven - cried t!ie haslse
holder, II hoped yon we're only a burglar.
A Frenchman Il s..o,it to i'- i,ehcaded- Under
the gui!iotinea priest approaches HIM aud says:
My friend. have you any last wish la makef
The wish of dying man Is sacred ''Yes," re-
piled the doomed man, Il want Ia learn English
An eastern editor claims "a have read the
itie though n great many times. His assertion
would be subject 10 grave doubt If the fact was
not known that for the past two or three years he
has been proof-reader IN Bible publishn
house.
Probably the happiest undertakers IN this
country are now living in bridgeport. Ct. coast
ing sled thirty feet long, which can carry thirty.
two men. has just been built there The coroner.
no doubt, IS the prime mover in the enterprise.
The fact that it Was raining in Liverpool was
cabed To this country the other day. This WAS
very thoughtful in the Liverpool operator IL
gave AmercanS who proposed spending that af-
ternoon in that civ a chance to Jake their tm-
6rcllss along.
The plumber through the ignorance and
sarele-nes, Of whose emploves fatal ienemeu,
kousa fire, in New York, caused, held IN
$io.WH. lie gave man mortgage on the sum
due HIM for fixing three leaks, security for
g"ing his tssil.
An aspiring young poet was utterly ruined
not long ago by a mi>print IN newspaper. The
poet wrote: '.See tine pale martyr IN a sheet
al fire." Instead Of which, 10y IN oversight Of
the proof-reader. appeared IN print ''See the
pale martyr with his shirt on fire
Mr.. Longfeilow is too old and good man 10
be msrePreseufed. Some Of the papers have
said that he once went INT" a kitchen and helped
a woman 10 peel q pumpkin The lady nov comes
forward and denies the story. Isoni,teiow did not
peel pumpkin. Ii Was squash
Same people believe that dukes are Of no
possible use in the world. The fact that HE
ROYAL Highness, the Duke Of Cami,.Idge-as We
learn from a foreign letter-has invented a new
whistle wili ne apt To dissipaie tl,.- idea Ii Is
NOT every body Who invent new whistle
and live.
Alter Rob Ingerso had spoken an hour and
fifteen m iuutes to Boston audience. some one
ia the crowd asked him, How long are Won 20
ing 10 keep u.s. The reply WAS: ~ always mo-
tre that a person generally gees he
gets ms head full The audience broke out in
r"ars Of laughter
A Galveston dandy didn't like the new pant
he had received fran ms tailor. lie told the
artist who built the pants: '.:sooS here. 1 can't
u,~ these pants I wanted them ior a dinner
party. and they tight cant wall, in ti,em.''
We'll" growl-d the tailor. ali you don't get 20
he any tighter than the Esnis yon won't find any
trouisle IN walking
Hang her Sic bonnet
t,i tl.st hook tusi over there,
Hang Int at Grape Hpoa 10,
Sisters climbed the COLLEEN stair.
How'll happened cant tell you.
She MAS sliding down r.ir hill
q" and get the undertaken
Tell HIM staaI foot the b;ii.
There no flock, however watched nnd tended.
.. kut dead iamh IL there
There Is fressde, howsne'e defended.
But has one vacant char.
There ~ no hang. however curled and frizzied,
Put one long hair il there,
There is no man. however old and erZzled,
But likes 10 play two pair.
Bret Harte.
E..I l.