The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1881-04-21
A LudicrOus ElOpement.

It's hard for country jake" to con-
vey to his Susan. Jane the exact situation
when first the arrow is lodged in his
heart The attitudes and awkward COM
binations of personal presentation are
painful TO an outsider, TO say nothing Of
what he suffers. See him cross his legs,
first one on top and then the other, and
then see him shoot them out in front,
and run his hands in his pockets; then
he draws in his feet, doubles them under
the chair, pulls his hands out of his
pockets and drops them down by his side,
stretches, yawns, blushes, and almost
dies trying to say it. Poor fellow, it is
martyrdom while it lasts, and when he
does "get his mouth off, it's like put
ting beggar on horse back; he just
canters off to paradise with a happy-go-
lucky Indifference that is enviable, bar
ring an obstruction ON the track, and
then over ON his head he tumbles, when
cruel parents intervene and refuse to
ratify. isr1 al
A ludicrous case OF this sort of agony
occurred near the place of my nativity
about twenty-five years ago, in which l
had my sympathies 30 reused that was
moved to lend the hero some assistance.
His name was Joe, and his girls, Mar
tina Jane, TO whom he had surrendered
his entire heart, stock. lock and barrel
without reservation Of any kind, which
she gushingly reciprocated by adding
her entire stock in trade in the partner
ship proposed. But the old folks de-
murred-refused to ratify-threatened
war of ermination-banished Joe, and
belied Martha Jane, besides several other
A r To- g..
Joe and Martha Jane had the biggest
spider put in their dumping ever known
since Adams and Ewes apple scrape.
Their hearts all but "busted"-but they
didn't.
The parties were neighbors-lived in
sight of each other-Joe on the hill and
Martha Jane in the bottom. When
Martha jane came forth to nourish
her young fowls with a preparation of
ground corn and water, she would cast
her loving eyes upward and rest them on
Joe, who would from above look down
affectionately on his Martha Jane, and
they would sigh and swallow great hunks
Of grief rs big rs apple dumplings.
Joe was so badly of that was sorry
for him, and when he called upon me to
assist him, / proceeded at once to the
prospective mother-in-law (more or less)
with my eloquence, 'from whom /
proceeded from whence"-not running,
but my time was good. reported pro-
gress, and begged to be excused. Joe
got worse and worse; threatened to
commit-well, to steal something, and
did make divers efforts to steal his girl,
hut the old folks slept on their arms.
Joe was getting terribly bad off; he said
he must have her; that must steal her
for him. tried to prevail on him to
bide his time; but, no, have her he must,
and / must do the job for him; he knew
I could do it If 1 would, and he wanted it
done right off.
When 1 found Joe couldn't wait, Icon
sented to try my hand. / was about
Martha's age, and the thought occurred
to me that I would dress in woman's
clothes and let Joe steal me, and see if
it would "sorter" cool his ardor. I con-
fided my plan to some of the boys, and
they approved it and promised their as
es the old man. &artHa james jane e fstRer
into the secret, and arrange for him to
pursue us with his hounds, of which he
had about dozen, when we made the
attempt. The old man entered into the
affair eagerly, for he despised Joe.
After we had fixed all the preliminariee
of time, place and manner Of proceeding,
we adjourned TO meet the next Sunday
night and have the chase. We met &C.
cording to adjournmentatt at the time agreed,
and woman hitched me up in some oi
her gear, with q parcel of things tied
round my waist-I don't know what
they all were, but know the outside
was calico, and it was in two pieces; one
was the tail, which was tied on first, and
the other was a sort of jacket with sleeves
to it, of some dark sort of stuff. These,
with white sun-bonnet, aud blue veil,
and some cotton stuffed in judiciously tc
give me gushing makeup, having beer
provided as indispensable to my toilette
Twas ready and willing to be Joe's-fol
time.
When we arrived near Martha Janet
house, the old man was waiting for us
We arranged that after we had got abou
quarter of mile off, one of our party
(who remained behind for the purpose
should notify Joe that we had Marthi
Jane, and when Joe came tearing by til,
house, the old man was to give him
salute from his old double-barrelled shot
gun. Very soon here came Joe full til
down the hill towards the creek. Ban.
went the venerable shot gun, and ava,
went Joe, and soon came the old man ol
his sway-back horse, with his hounds
and shotgun, and accompanied by hi
son.
Mitchellville was the objective poin
ot the expedition, and it was about fiv
miles off. The boys got Joe's arms from
him to protect his girl, and prevailed OF
him TO rush ahead, pay the toll gate fees
proceed on to Mitchellville and have th
iic"nse ready, so as to have no delay
Accordingly, Joe went Off at lope, pal
the toll for us, and gave strict orders nc
20 let Martha Jones' father through; bu
when the old man came to the gate
Just jumped his old sway-back over i
and on he came, his hounds in full or,
The way he "got mp and got" along thu
pike was scene not to be forgotten
The fuss he made aroused everybody O
route.
Our crowd consisted Of five, besid,
Joe, and we arrived at Mitchellville abov
Top. m. Joe was there, and a. soon
had dismounted, he was at my side an
led me up to the door and ratified IL {
that the startled Justice opened il
once, but, upon seeing, a. he suppose,
female, closed It to arrange his toile
Meantime, the old man and his hount
could be heard nearing rapidly. I whi
pered TO Joe wanted to retire arouI
the corner Of the house TO arrange n
dress, and he said, excitedly, I" Be in
hurry. the old man will soon be here
did make haste, for no sooner had &
around the corner than / darted throuf
a gate, ran down the side Of fenc
crept through an opening into O bac
yard, and hid behind an ash hopper.
When the Justice had got clothes o
he opened the door TO tell rs TO come
but, Of course, wasn't there, and j
was running frantically round the hou
looking for his girl, while the old mi
and his dogs were coming nearer eve
minute. The Justice came out and j