Knoxville daily chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1882, 1881-12-01
PLEASANTRIES.

Follow the example of trees-keep
some things in the shade.
MANY of the richest planters of San
Domingo live on coffee grounds.
NEVER write the word "finis back
ward. 1t will be " sin if " you do.
A PIG was never known to wash, but
a great many people have seen the pig
iron.
A DRY-GooDs house advertises lawn
dresses that will wash. Isn't it the busi-
ness of a laundress to wash?
The hog may not be thoroughly post
ed in arithmetic, but when you come to
a square root he is there-the hog is.
"WHAr makes the hair fall out ?" asks
correspondent. Usually it is the prop
erty of the deceased that makes the heirs
fall out.
A RIVERS mouth is larger than its
head, the sea has arms but no hands,
and mountain has foot but no legs
Queer, isn't it?
Rev. GEORGE H. HEPwoRTH has writ
ten romance entitled "!!!" It is IN
SIS, and the interest is sting and nnIed.
-LOaUeU Courier.
A CORRESPONDENT writes "Will you
tell us what Mrs. Langtry's maiden
name was?" Certainly; her maiden
aim was to marry Mr.. Langtry.
MANY newspaper has been assassin
ated in the same way as the late Sultan
Abdul AZiz, by means of scissors. s.-Ne,o
York Commercial AdOertiser.
A LITTLE 3-year-old said TO her mother
one day, Mamma, you married papa
SO that no one else could get him, didn't
you 2" Her ideas of human nature were
quite earnest.
"WHAT is the greatest charge on rec
ord?" asked the Professor of History.
And the absent-minded student an
swered: Seventeen dollars for hack
hire for self and girl for two hours"
AN Arkansas journal says that they
have in that State spring so powerfully
impregnated with iron that the farmers
horses which drink at it never have to
be shod, the shoe growing on their feet
naturally.
CAUGHT in the act: Clara-"O Char
ley, you naughty boy L saw you throw
your cigar away just as I came round
the corner Charley" Why didn't
you say you wanted it? How was I to
| know?"
That genial old proyerb manufacturer
who wrote, Gall work and no play
makes Jack dull boy" forgot to add
that all play and no work makes Jack a
professional sport at 30 years of age,
and lands hlm III the penlJenuIaI s.t 40
"HENRY." said his wife, with chilling
severity, "I saw you coming out of a
saloon this afternoon" "Wen. my
darling" replied the heartless man,
"you wouldn't have your husband stay
ing in a saloon all day, would you?''
PHYSICIANS have decided that man
hailing from small town in Kansas has
two hearts. What predicament he will
be in when his girl asks him, "Do you
love me with all your hearth" He will
have to say, Which heart ?" and that
may break the engagement.-P
phja Sun.
SAID distinguished politician to his
son: "Look at me! | began as an
Alderman, and here am at the top Of
the tree. And what is my reward :
Why, when I die my son will be the
greatest rascal in the city, To this the
young hopeful replied: "Yes, dad,
when you die, and not till then.'
DIR. BEARD says the Americans are the
most nervous people ON earth because
: they are the most highly civilized anc
intellectual. Oh, well: if that's what
ails US we shall no longer complain; bu
there have been times when we should
have preferred little more nerve ant
less intellectually Her
aid.
I'm fond of ham
And crimson jam,