The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1881-03-10
sPooPENDYKE's sARD1NEs.

| GVOA noLe my uear, balu Mr., bpO0pendyke
tossing over the ribbons and Iaces in his Wlfe'a
bureau drawer, whats become Of the can open
err don't see 1t anywhere"
What do you want Of III" asked Mrs. spoopen.
dyke, duttering up to protect her trinkets, and
| trying to gain little time.
II want to open some saIdInes with It," return
ed Mr.. spOopendyke, abandoning the drawer and
hunting through the workbasket.
think want to comb my hair with III Imag.
ine wanted to write letter with ~ Well,
| don't. want some sardines. What have you
| done with it?'
You might take your big knife recommended
Mrs. spocpendyke. 1.-THE large blade is Just the
thing for that"
Mr. spoopendyke seized the knife and bored
away al one corner OF the box, while his wife
looked on with considerable distress.
Hadn't you better put paper under the boxe
You'll get the oil all over the tablecoth suggest
ed Mrs. spoopendyke.
mo, won't either" said spoopendyke, as the
knife plunged through and the oil spattered,
Serve you right II did, he continued, blowing
away at the tiuwhile the grease few in all direo.
tions. 1T would teach you to put the can opener
where you could find It, What kind Of house.
keeping do you call this anyhow" as the blade
slipped out and closed up on his finger.
Did you hurt yourself, dear2" asked Ms.
spoopendyke, snxiouSly.
mo, dldn'tmySelf," grinned Mr.spoopendyke.
THE dOd gasted knife struck the bone, or would
have sen dead with agony Ian hour ago. Give
me some eEheS!" he howled. Fetch me some
chloroforml spese I'm going to saw ct this box
any more without en- AneSthetici Got en- idea I'm
going 70 chip oRa couple dozen hngers without
something To deaden the pSin2 Where's the
laughing gasi Give me some laughing gas while
extract these measly old hAh;" and Nj. spoop.
endyke pranced around the room, and then jsb.
bed the knife into the box again and ripped away
as though he was run by steam. mo use to hide
away from mel" he yelled, hacking away at the
x with all his might II know you're In there
and there can't be any dod sAsted sardlne that
ever was built get away from me. Come out,
tell yer" and he seized ah by the tall and slung
him across the room. You're transacting bust.
ness with spoopendyke now" and he claWed out
handful Of mashed ssrdines and slapped them
down plAtei
Won't you spoil EN-, dearl' asked Mrs. spoop.
endyke, dodging the flying heads and tails. "They
won't b. very good If you open EN- that way,
dear"
70 won't they2" howed Mr. spOopendyks. "If
you don't like EN- that way, whatd you ask for
them for2 Maybe you want me to take em out in
a baby carriage. P'raps you've got an Idea that
1 ought to climb under em and lift EN- out
Maybe you want me to get into that box with a
boat and take EN- out With seine. Well, won't
tell ye. Give me the tongs-I want that Ash at
the b1ttom. Where's the tongs3 Gone to get
married to the can opener, haven't they?" and
MI spoopendyke grabbed another fish and fred
him into the crate,
BE patient, my dear, said Mrs. spoOpendyke
soothingly. MAKE the opening little wider and
they'll come out"
"Aint PATIENT" shouted Mr.. spoopendyke,
"Praps you want me to sing to EN-, 4 wish was
an angel and with the dOd CAST the hshl Come
out of that" and with a wrench Mr.. spoopendyke
hauled off the top and disclosed the mangled re.
mains Of his enemies. NOW give me lemon
and he eyed the repast with anything but con
tentment. "stlr around and get me lemon
quick, now"
NPSA AAJ "OANS my OGtAIt uuu DblleV9 LlefoB
lemon In the house." stammeredi Mrs. lpoopen.
dyke. II had one"
20 you had onel" proclaimed. .dr spoopendyke,
only you're just out. II you'd been brought up
right you'd only need an awning and family on
the top floor to bs grocery shopl s'pose I'm 20.
ing 10 eat these ssrdines RaWH Think I'm going 10
swallow these fish aliveH Gimme something to
put on 'em, will yeH"
What would you like my dearf" querled Mrs,
spoopendyke.
INK dod gast III Fetch me some measly ink!
Got any nailsf Can't ye ind some laudanum
somewhere" aud Mr., spoopendyke projected
himself into the closet and pranced out with a
bottle OF arnics. There" be howled, ss he dash.
ed the contents over the sardInes, there's your
fish all ready for you, and the next time you want
me to open the things you have lemon, will yei
Find can opener, won't YET" and MI. spoopen.
dyke Topped into his easy chair and picked up
the paper.
Don't you want some Of the fsh2" asked Mrs. |
spoopendyke, after long pause
mo, don't" growled MI spoopendyke.
"But this is fresh box," said Mrs. spoopendyke
displaying the sardines In neat layers,
HOW'D you get 1t open2" demanded Mr. spoop.
epdyke.
with the can opener" replied his wife; ~
found 1t in your tOolb)x, where you put 1t to
sharpen It"
Maybe put the lemon In there to sharpen It |
TOO, grunted Mr.. spOopendyke, pegglng away at |
the b * and looking up with his mouth full; but
the taste Of vinegar, he made some |
remarks about some people only needing han.
die and cork to be fortunatus Jug, and having |
finished the lot he demanded why his wife hadn't |
asked for 'em If she wanted some, and went to |
bed with some incoherent OBJ servations on the alb.
surdity Of folks sitting around like martyrs with
Ash within reach Brooklyn Eagle.