The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1881-02-03
HUMOROUS.

|
ethel ap of luxury" is when the cat
gets at the cream.
Goes against the grain-The reaping
machine. Yaucob Strauss.
Out of every 100 inhabitants in the
United States, sixteen live in cities.
The man who has gathered a big ice
crop wants to keep it shady. -Ptcdyu'se.
He sighed for the wings OF a dove,
but had no idea that the legs were much
better eating.
We would rather hire a mule than
own one. on the principle, "Oftwo evils
choose the leased. " Boston Post.
"When l die," aaid married man,
"I want to go where tlere is no snow
TO shovel" His wife said that she pre-
sumed he would.
Ohio papers are discussing why quail
freeze to death. 1t is simply because
they can't afford to pay 81 ton for
coal. Philadelphia Chronicle.
Those who believe that the world
owes them a living don't stop to coz
slider how many bad debts the old globe
| has to shoulder. Saturday Night.
| A middle-sized boy. writing com"
position on "Extremes," remarked that
"we should endeavor to avoid extremes,
especially those OF wasps and bees"
An Eastern scientific journal has an
article on Heating by Friction" II
memory serves us correctly, our mother
u .nd 10 warm u5 up that way.-Mc-
| GTCg2r Ne'Os.
| advertising is q good deal like fishing
the more lines you throw out the more
Won are ant to catch. But be judicious;
| do not throw out bait that cannot be
swallowed. Statesman
"What happy hours, sweet, Ispend,"
He sighs, 'aloue with thee"
| "Its all, she SAYS. ''yon ever speni-'
"Good EVENING" says he.
Detroit Free Press.
A party of $50 Chicago lawyers, gam
blers. board OF trade men ard shoulder
hitters, went out to Crystal lake to wit
ness a fight between couple OF roosters.
No disgrace, however, is attached. to the
roosters. .-Ml~duhee San.
A question OF identity: Did the
prisoner ut the bar strike your" Eye
.hink So" replied The man with the
decorated optic. " Eye see," smiled
the justice; "eye' dent ity cstahlished;
three dollars ami trimmings. ."-heobnS
Gate Ctiy.
. A youngster, while warming his
| udl1uS dJ lbC NV, "SAo ~
with by his father, who said: $50
away from the ire-the Gather is not
cold. II ain'E heating the weather.
l',n warming my lnads," the little fei-
low demurely replied.
"In the houf OF danger woman thinks
least OF herself" said Madame Stael.
True! When the thunder roars and the
vivid lightning flashes, and the big
drops come down, the woman VINO is
eau ght cut iii the storm degotes her
agony to the thought that her hat and
die will BE- ruincd.
An editor may write himself I'VE" in
! his editorials, and feel therefore doubly
proud and doubly strong; but when he
gets home 10 dinner an hour or SO late,
and forgets to bring something home to
, maEo tlIst dinner, lie doesn't feel any
ldrE than one tourth OF one person.
KehtEc6y STATE Journal.
A pru eat and iar.seeing mother
married her TWO daughters some years
ago to q plumber and an lceman, and
now, no matter whether there IS a milo
winter or o severe one, she has box at
: the charity bali, and spends the next
summo. at Ne wport or goes TO Europe,
with some oLe or the other OF her sons
t in-lAE.-NeO York Chic
r George Peabody" says New York
paper, was never married, and tor n
singular reason" Then il goes on at
some length to give the reason, because
the girl married another man. And we
! have read that article dozen times and
5 have pondered over it deeply, and
l hanged if we can see yet why that
shoutd be called ~ singular reason. "
l We think it was II very sensible, matter
. of fact reason.-- Bnrdette.
A tramp was being escorted down
Galve. ton avenue by one OF the most
stylish policemen on the force. 81 hate
. to walk along arm-in arm with a
policeman" said the tramp. You
ought 10 be used to it by this time" re.
piled the policeman. 81 can't get used
to hearing people on the streets say,
Just look at that vagabondr when |
q know they must mean one OF u.s.
Galveston NeUs.
/ They both went sailing down the walk,
, Arrayel in fautless gearing,
. Both engaged in pleasant talk,
I Each smiled on each endearing.
q q He said: My love, this blithesome day,
, This bracing, glorious weather,
! This charming walk-Whoop! stop 'er-say
They both went down together.
e They picked them up, small boys ki-yi-ed,
g When she resumed With flippery:
e " Dear G ;orge, [ think it is not denied,
8 These charming walks are slippery"
r A curious dispatch announces thu
3 marriage OF the Crown Prince Rudolf
5 OF Austria, and the Princess Stephanie
I has been further postponed, owing L
the inclemency of the weather" w
suspect it was deferred at the instanc
of the princess. With snow two fee
deep, and the thermometer below zero
y it is pretty tough on a woman, who ha
!: had no previous experience, to b
It obliged to get up first in the mornin
= and make the fires, sieve coal ashes, an,
J; perhaps wade through the snow in tn
;. back ward to get an armful of kindlings
d Miss Stephanie does well to wait unit
/. the weather moderates. s.-NorriStos0