Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1881-07-06

WHEN man is doubled up with pain,
would you call him twins ?-Boston Tram
script
Ii is only natural that imbibing too
much corn-iuice should make the voice
husky.-Toroaato Globe.
CAN young lady who is everlastingly
knitting her eyebrows be called industri-
GUS ?-Sprinafezd Neavs.
The Dover and Calais tunnel will never
pay. Everybody's hat will be chalked.
-PhiJadelphia Bulletin.
EVERYTHING has to pay up sometimes:
even the little chickens have to shell
out.-Steubenvjlle Herald.
"WHERE do they catch those mock
turtles, waiter?" "Don't know, SURF;
maybe it's near the shamrock
EVERY young lady should belong to
an archery club. Skill in drawing a
beau is very desirable. -Elnair0 Adver-
tiser.
CLEVELAND is to have Wade Park.
AL the young ducks of Cleveland are
delighted at the suggestiveness of the
name.
SAY, for instance, dog loses his paw,
and rooster loses his NAV, does it
make orphans of them p, Steu5eaville
Herald.
THREE families in Leesburg, Va, are
named, respectively, Red, Hot and
Wether, yet no saving of fuel is re-
ported
WHY is the house of tidy wife like a
motion to djourn? You give it up?
Because it is always in order.-LoveU
| Citizen.
JOAQUIN MILLER said he wept on read
ing some of his own poems. Right So
should we if we had written them.-Bos-
ton Post.
SIGN for public toilet room" Who
enters here leaves soap behind" That
is to say, don't steal the soap.-Boston
Transcript.
Do not tell a man he lies. It is vul-
gar. Say that his conversation suggests
to your mind summer resort circular.
-Pbjl0. Press.
WHY dosn't some circus advertise san
| elephant with Saratoga trunk ?" That
would be a mammoth attraction.
Haven advertiser.
CHILDREN should be warned not to take
what doesn't belong to them, especially
| the measles and smallpox. -PhilodeL-
0hia Chronicle Herald.
THE czar has succeeded in maintaining
absolute monarchy. But he is afraid to
come out and see how it is getting along.
Burlington -Haa0keye.
Mr.. BARNUM writes from England
that he has secured the novelty he has
long been after, Tt is a screW-driver
that wont slip.-Danbu1y NeaUs.
You needn't wish your enemy to w1ite
a book. Wish that he owned house
with brackets under the cornice. The
English sparrows will do the rest.
IT is true William, an umbrella is used
to keep the rain from you, but the rain
is much more apt to keep the umbrella
from you.-BurljngtO1a HaaOkeye.
NEGRO minstrels blush with chagrin
beneath their cork when they look at the
wide collars worn by young ladies in the
audience. They can never hope to equal
them.
AN Irish gentleman, with that peculiar
perspicuity of statement characteristic
of his race, says the chief pleasure in
kissing a pretty girl is when she won't
let you.
The correspondent who wants to know
who are the aesthetics is informed that
they are the idiots who have not yet been
committed to an asylum. H0uen
Register.
The greatest blessing of this country
is the railroads, made for us to ride over.
But we must not lie down and let the
railroads ride over us. "-T. De Watt
I0znaGge.
"THE oldest inhabitant" is not
natural liar. He simply let's his imagi-
nation play in the open lot formerly &C.
cupied by memory and reason.-N. o.
Picayatlae.
One hundred head of cattle is the
amount involved on the result of re-
cent Texas horse race. This the largest
beef steak on record. Philadelphia
C2tr0nicle-Her0ld.
A POET has written poem on the stop
ping of his clock. It came to him, per-
haps. as a melancholy reminder that he
could get nothing more on tick.-Louis-
vaILe Courier-JOua7aoy.
The first musical amateur said he
would take the violin; the second, that
he would take the viola; and the third,
that he would take the horse-car and go
ome.-Boston Transcript
VICTOR HUGO says winter is on his
head, and eternal spring is in his heart.
The French newspapers are to be con-
graduated that his poetry comes out of
his head.-L0aUeW Citizen.
BISMARCK has received as many as
thirty American letters by one mail ask
ing for his autograph. Murderers and
great men are bored to death by this
mania.-Detroit Free Press.
A FRENCH engineer, after a series of
experiments with loaf of bread baked
by Vassar College girl, now announces
that the project of tunneiing Mont Blanc
is entirely practicable. Philadelphia
NeaUs.
A WITNESS was on the stand in an IL
legal liquor case. The counsel was try
ing to find out IL what kind of glass
the liquor was handedto the witness, and
at last exclaimed: "What kind of look
ing glass was it?" ssBegorra. sor. it