Connecticut western news., 1881-05-11
THE LIME.KILN CLUB.
Speaking the Truth-A Catastrophe
 -Bummers and Drunkards.
From the Detroit Free Press. l

Speaking the Truth-A Catastrophe
 -Bummers and Drunkards.
 From the Detroit Free Press.
 'Let me warn ye," began the old man as Pickles Smith hung up the water dipper and sat down with heavy jar, 'let me warn ye dat de man who has de mos inimies am de man who fatters himself on his bluntness, truthfulness an common sense. De grandest motto on airth am de one which says: Spoke de truf at all times, but it ain't de wisest one to foller. has foun' dat exaggera- shun pleases whar' truf hurts, an dat hattery amuses whar' truf engenders anger. Spoke de truf of your nayburs an one of ye will have to move inside of a var. Spoke de truf of yer friends,. an you will be confronted by legion Of inimies. You may know in yer own mind dat dis man am rogue, dat one rascal and de odder one right up an down wicked, but you mustn't talk what ye know. One blunt word will upsot hull neyburhood. One truthful state- ment will raise up host of howlin' mi mics. De pusson who won't fiatter an caiole am avoided an suspected. De biggest inimies I have in all dis wide world am people who have had my hon. est opinyun, an to whom have spoken de plain truf. Only one man out of fifty axes yer honest opinyun wid any ideah of 'ceptin' it if it differs from his. Not one in hundred axes yer advice wid any ideah of follerin' it onless it jibes wid his plans.
 "Darfore, say to you, be blunt only when you have no keer for friendship. Be truful only when you am ready to make inimies. Condemn only when you am all packed up an ready to be- come hermit. Tell lie about man an he will grin ober it. Hit him wid de truf an he will foller you until he has secured revenge. In walkin' aroun' fur half day kin make score of men friends by praisin' de looks of hat, de set of coat, de grace of step or de fit of a new pair of butes. Months and months ago dropped word of praise fur cur dog which was trottin' Tong behind citizen. De odder day dat same man walked past twenty to glib me job of whitewashin'. Fact is, though I'm old an bald-headed an stoop shoul- dered, it does me heap of good to have some man stop me on de street an lie to me like blazes in sayin' dat I'm look in as young as man of thirty. Wid desc few emblematical remarks, frown off widout written notes or prevus preparashun, I will now abscond an permit de reglar order of bizness to be proceeded with"
 PETITIONS.
 The petitions on the Secretary's desk numbered thirty-one, and the rush of elders and deacons was simply immense. The membership of the club is now 2,OOO strong, and the petitions average about 100 per month.
 SAD CATASTROPHE.
 Roundabout Johnson, Chairman of the Committee on Petitions, arose with tears in his eyes to make statement of facts to show why there could be no election. The committee reported favorably on seven or eight names, and he had the list in his pocket as he left his house to buy four pounds of nails and bar of soap for widow woman living next door. When he pulled out his wallet in the store he probab'l / pulled out the list with it and lost it. He had hunted up and down in vain, consulted fortune-teller without relief and had been quite ill from loss of sleep and mental worry.
 "Brudder Johnson, we am all liable to accidents" said the President in re- ply. "What's past can't be mended, but let me say to you fur your fucher guidance, dat de interests of dis Lime Kiln Club mus not be made dependant l on neither soap, nails nor widders."
 CAN'T BE DONE.
 The following letter was first on the order of communications :
 ArT1EBoRo, MASS, April 23, 1881. Brother Gardner:
 DEAR SR-We wish to form white mans branch of the Lime-Kiln Cluk here in Attleboro. We are all jewellers and can furnish the club with brass jewelry at cost. Should our wish meet with your favor, please send me copy of your bylaws, etc.
 Yours truly,
 P. s. BUTTON, JR., ESQ.
 "I believe all de members of dis clul am not only willin', but rather anxshu' to please de white folks," replied th' President, "but in dis case it can't b' dun. De Lime-Kiln Club wouldn't lil two weeks wid white men occupy1n desc stools an benches. White folk have deir orders an lodges an societie an clubs in which no culrd man Xiii show his head, an dey kin well afor' to let us be exclusive in dis"
 THE DRUNKs.
 The Secretary then read the following PEORIA, ILL.,, April 27, 1881. Brother Gardner:
 DEAR SRI have been informed tha , the Lime Kiln Club has been the mean of reforming scores of drunkards. I ar an old hummer myself, and now afte fifteen years of dissipation, feel that should like to be reformed. What t your programme after having elected a l old red-nose into the club? ] Vary tru1v