St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1881-09-02
SqUibS.

The giraffe is not Il large eater. A
little goes great ways with him.
A Niagara hackman has become a
minister. Having preyed for years he
will now endeavor to preach awhile.
An etiquette writer for the Boston
Advertiser thinks one should not eat
soup with a fork.
"Help from an unexpected quarter"
as the tramp remarked when a % cent
piece was handed him by the lady of
the house.
An indianapolis grocer discharged
one of his clerks for refusing to spell
sugar with an "h," but the clerk at
once secured IL place in II bookstore by
saying "def" for "deaf."
Brownson-Well, l always make it
rule to tell my wife every thing that
happens. Smithkins-Oh, my dear fel-
low, that is nothing. | tell my wife
lots of things that never happened ut
all.
AT a church in Ellis county, Texas,
on recent Sunday, man was shot
and killed. "Now, look here" said
the preacher, pausing moment, 81
must insist that there he no further in
terruptions. How do you expect IL
man can go on preaching when you an
noy him in this way ~
! A post mOrtem examination of IA nine
foot shark, caught in New York har-
Dor, showed the contents of the stOm-
ach to be an old shoe, partly digested
young shOvel-nosed shark, sun-tish,
another young shark, pOrgies, more
sun-fish, and last of all, a ginger-ale
bottle, corked but empty.
Rab, village worthy, leading a
white horse, is accosted by wag.
Wag (anXiOusly). "Man, Rab, sharely
yer horse is no weel It's awful white
in the face" Rab (stuttering). diff
your he-he-head had been as long in IA
hal-hal- halter, ye'd be-be-b been wh-wh
white in the face tae ~
A young man in Litchfeld who has
been in the habit of carrying his smOk
ing tobacco and pistol cartridges loose
III one pocket has reformed, and in
time to save the larger part of what
was once as handsome nose as could
be found in Litchfield.- Danbury
News.
"Cremation fashionable ?" said Mrs.
Shuttle. "Well, | sh'd hope not. It's
bad enough to think of your soul burn
ing up, let alone the body" "Mrs.
Shuttle, | wish you wouldn't accent
the word your and look at me so
sharply"
Many people wonder where those
bird bath-tubs come from in which
vegetables are served at summer hotels.
They hold barely a tablespoonful of
/.
pearance in front of fat people, who
are supposed to have IA good and
healthy appetite for the food of mod
ern life.
Peanut stand-small boy: Is them
all yer give for IA cent Why, yuster
to git twice that many. Vender-Yes,
but all the fruit crop is failed this year,
and peanuts and peaches is uncommon
slow a comm in. Small boy Then
give me cents worth of ice-cream !;
them isn't failed, is it National Crop
Report.
Little Phil, bright five-year old, is
afraid of thunder. During the recent
hot spell his mother would remark {:
"Oh, pray for rain" One day when
she said it, Phil thus addressed her 4:
"Oh, mamma, | will tell you why it
don't rain. When | say my prayers
des say "Please don't pay any 'tentiOn
to what mamma says, cos | am 'fraid
of thunder"
They were sitting on the back steps
keeping off mosquitoes with the ill-fa-
vOred fumes of nicotine soaked clay
. pipes and talking on the all-absOrbing
topic of the day. 81 don't suppose
, you'll believe it but its fact that when
/ was down to Norfolk in '63 shell
burst right in front o me, and the con-
tents lodged right plump in my stom-
ach, N Pm alive now" "Same thing
happened to me down on the wharf
day before yesterday" The two frauds
gazed at each other, as if trying to see
, which was the biggest liar. They were
both telling the truth for this once.
They had indulged Il Virginia oysters
"on the half"