The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-09-22
ESTABLISHED 1866.
"Theln DOctOrS,n

L had just unfolded the daily and set
tleo back in the seat for pull at the
news, when she reached over and poked
me in the neck with her yellow parasol
and called out:
"Has them tarnal doctors killed the
President yet ?"
She was an old-fashioned, motherly
woman, never travelling without a vial Of
peppermint, and having hawks eve
for every patch Of smartweed and bunch
of catnip along the line.
'"The President is able to sit up."
81 don't believe it-don't believe ono
end of no such story |" she said as she
left her bundles and boxes and parcels,
and came over to share my seat.
"But tho papers say So"
IL don't kccr two cents for no papers!
1 tell you the President hasn't bin doc
torcd right my Of tho time, M nobody
kin make me believe that he's gettin,
better. Young man, are you doc
tor"
"No, ma'am."
"You needn't mann me, because I'm
a plain woman. It's pity you amt
doctor, for L could prove ye humbug
in about tw o minits Do you know
what is killing off so many folks in this
country?"
"1ts death, isn't it,"
"Of course it's death-death and the
doctors And them doctors have done
their very best to kill the President
DO you remember what they done the
day ho was shot?"
Cum. Let's see Probed for the
ball and gave him morphine, didn't
they ?"
"Thoy did," she replied, rs she
jammed the pnrasol in my ribs. "That's
just what killed my nephew in the army.
Hc was shot by cannon ball and them
doctors probed md probed and probed,
and when they had got around to decide
that the ball had gone clean through
him and knocked off the roof of barn
half mile away, the poor boy was dead.
Morfecn / have saved ovor 100 nay
burs from tho grave, and never sot
eyes Oh morfccn How much I have
piticd the poor President, md how I
have wished was there !"
"What for %
"What fur? Why, to turn them tar
nal doctors out doors, and have the
President ont chopping wood in four
weeks 1t makes me billing mad to read
their way of treating him."
"What would you have done ?"
''Don't ask mc-don't ask me I feel
like spanking tho hull crowd Have
you read the papers every day?"
eyes"
"Well, have you read that they have
soaked his feet ono single time since the
Gay he was shot? ?"
"No."
"Of course you haven't! Did they
put horse -radish drafts OH his feet p
"Not once"
"Havc they given him smartweed
sweat ?"
emo"
''Or tried mustard poult:ces p
"No."
elias he had single cup of catnip
tea since the day he was shot?"
"No."
"Havc they used my haxseed about
him ?"
"No."
"Havcn't heard of them digging any
gingsen, sarsnparilla, wild turnip, sweet
flag, burdock or sweet sicily ?"
"No."
"No you haven't !" she exclaimed, rs
she just missed my nose with that ami
able parasol. "All they've done is to
talk about his perspiration being up to
102, his normal pulse and his temper
aturc from 90 to 90. Ii it was mo my
temperature would be up to 800 md I'd
make things hum It's the shame
facedcst case T. over heard of, and you
just mark what + tell ye-that them
tarnal doctors will sniff nt lobelia md
number six md turn up tlleir noses at
mustard plastcrs till all of sudden the
President will begin to sink, and even
cold ten and mutton tallow won't save
him !"