The Republican. [volume] (Oakland, Md.) 1877-current, 1881-01-15
Mothers Shipton and Peerlhlion.

mothers SYMPTOM and PeerlnllOh.
The end of the world has frequent
~ been advertised, and men have
stood in their ascension robes, all
ready to go up; but the end has gen
orally been postponed on account of
the weather. But it is nowannounced
that the performance will positively
come off during the present year.
Mother Shipton, a renowned fortune
teller who lived some years ago, is
falsely supposed to have said:
To an end the world shall come,
In eighteen hundred and elghty-one.
1t has also been discovered that the
Pyramids predict the end of the
world about this time. But that is
not all. Jupiter and Saturn both
come into perihelion in April of the
present year; two other planets
somewhat later. The four planets
have not been so near together fer
centuries, and their former concur
renee Immediately proceeded that
awful pestilence, the Black Death,
that half depopulated Europe. 1t
thus appears that the "Reyelation in
stone" as the great Pyramid has
been called, astrology, and Mother
Shipton, all agree that the end of the
world is at hand. There is some
thing awful in the mere sound of
"perihelion." Just as the pious old
lady described, with holy JUNCTION,
how much comfort she had "took"
in that ''sweet old world Mesopo-
tamia," so there is no knowing how
much terror some people may take
in that dire word, "perlheIien." The
attractive force of the planets being
increased by proximity, they are ex.
pected to "draw" great may useful
things entirely off of the earth.
Oxygen, for example, is to be pulled
out of our atmosphere, leaving us to
suff0cate in the nitrogen. We see no
reason. however. why oxygen should
be singled out. A properly disposed
perihelion, perihelion of ordinary
politeness, might be induced to take
a pull at some other sort of gas.
There is a superior article of sui
phuretted hydrogen furnished by our
poc;,, opI Tomas, Enllc that ,,o on,,l 4
recommend School Board eloquence
of inferior gaseous quality could
be furnished at low rates. 1t might
pull Ohio whiskey up to some other
planet, or do many other things of
the same sort. But there are great
many things that must be done before
our fears of the millennium shall be
excited. When doctors take pills
instead of giving them, when a quart
bottle holds quart, when goods are
better than the sample. when jurors
find rational yerdicts. and politicians
decline Office, "when berries-huckl lie,
rasD and straw-grew bigger down.
ward in the box" when plumbers
mend bursted water pipes at low
figures, and people think their gas
bills are reasonable-then we shall
begin to fear that the end of the
world is coming
But still it would be inconYenient
at the present time. There are some
points that ought to be settled before
this planet goes into bankruptcy and
makes an assignment to perihelion
Who defeated Han ,ock-was it John
Kelly? What was the real state OF
affairs at Canonchet? Who are to
compose Garfield's cabinet? Who
slit Whittaker's ears? Who put up
the money for the Panama canal?
How about that mile of Railroad at
Philadelphia Shall it be the Kelly
moter or the electric light? When
will the monument to the Father of
His Country at Washington he
finished When will the tunnel IN.
der the Atlantic ocean be built, and
when will the Baltimore School
Board find it "sxpedient" to fulfil
their solemn engagements as 10 the
celored schools? PerihelIsn ought
to give the School Board another
chance.-Bdlt0. american.