The Ouachita telegraph. [volume] (Monroe, La.) 1865-1889, 1881-03-18
SENATOR VEST.

SENATOR VEST.
1T is no stretch of facts, says Dom
Piatt, to set down senator Vest, oi
Missouri, as the best story-teller and
mimic in either branch of Congress
He was telling yesterday, in his owe
| inimitable way, about an interview he
had with Senator Ransom. They were
taking breakfast together not long ago,
or, rather, waiting patiently till John
Chamberlin's oven had warmed the
terrapin over from dinner. 81 was
mad as the DEVIL" said Vest, ssand dis.
played my feelings so well that Ransom
wanted to know what was the matter.
I pulled out of my pocket the copy of
a country sheet out in my district,
which contained mean and spiteful
attack. MATT observed, with the
proper amount of warmth, swhat relief
have we fellows got from this sort OF
thing: How can we get any redress:
Why, several years ago there was
small bore editor out my way who
got smart one day and printed beastly
libel on me, and, to make the unpleas-
antness complete, the rascal actually
sent a copy Oft into the bosom of my
family. did the first thing that oc-
cured to me, and wore both myself
and a cane out on his back. Do you
know he sued me for assault, and l
came back with a libel. He recovered
about 500, and had me put under bonds
to keep the peace, and I'll swear he had
me advertised as a rascal in every issue
of his paper for a year. That's the
relief l got. There must be some law
passed to protect the. country, and I
swear I'm going to lead the cru
Sade!'
stWell, Ransom took a look in the
glass, tucked his head under his coat
tail, and coming up to me with the air
of an elder brother, remarked: sVest,
my dear fellow, my dear boy, why
can't you take these things in the spirit
of philosopher? If we men in public
life should allow all these floating tri-
fles to worry us we wouldn't have
time for anything else, eh? Take it
like man, Vest. Go and cat your
breakfast, Vest, and settle your mind.'
"Coming to the conclusion that Ran
som was as much of a philosopher as
statesman, turned in and tore that
breakfast to pieces and pitched the Of
fensive sheet in the fire. Well, about
a week after that went into the Senate
cloak-room one day, and there was
disturbed ghost. There was notably
nervous twitch at his moustache, and
4 peculiarly perturbed clutch ut his coat
tail, and kneY he was in trouble of
some kind. SoI said, whats the
matter, Ransom? Amt you weIl?'
sssNo, amt, Vest. You know I
never am. Can't hardly find energy
enough to transact my public duties.'
sssNothing worse. then, than the
chronic ailment?'
s:s Yes, there is. Look here, d-n
it. Look at this! Amt it enough to
warm man up?' and he jcrked out of
his pocket small paper, about the
size of a Sunday school card. You
could set the whole darned thing on
the end of a barrel; and I'd bet pair
of cuffs the editor took all his subscrip-
tions in cord-wood and onions. 1t was
called the Goose Creek Tribune, or
something of that sort. Well, at the
head of the column was the offensive
article. 1t said that North Carolina
had but one Senator. There was
man there by the name of Ransom,
who claimed to have credentials, and
was trying to represent the State, but
the only real Senator was tho Hon. T.:
B. Vance. When I finished it looked
at Matt. and he had eaten off five finger
nails and torn out three locks of his
front hair. So put on the highly SYM
pathetic and philosphic and said: sRan-
som, my dear fellow, take it cool. We
public men can't afford to waste time
over these flippant hints
"But, great Lord, just think, Vest;
of all I've done for that State. Why,
Vest, I've got moro appropriations on
the river and harbor bill than any one
before me, and then to have such snarl
from a dog
"But be a philosopher, my dear fel-
low. Go on with your brcakfast!'
"Well, he took another clutch at his
coat tail, and remarked with decided
emphasis, west, you're fool!'"
GEN. GARFIELUS FAMILY.