The news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1877-1900, 1881-01-18
HUMOROUS.

IT was a little evening gathering.
She was \ delicate daisy Of about forty
sum mers and as many hard winters.
They were eating fruit and she remark.
ed, as she dellcately pared q peach :
"The skin Of peach always sets my
teeth on edge" Her little nephew
who is sharp. cared and sharp-eycd,
said, "Well, auntie, why don't you
take your teeth out and lay them on
the window sill, like you did this
mornlng?" Her appetite for fruit
vanished. Tho boy will sit sideways
on tho bench when he goes to school
next Monday.
A FEW nights ago the girls In an In
diana college got up q kicking match, +,
Kicked the highest to bo awarded the
belt. Ono of them tried to kick with
both feet at once, and he sat down on
her spinal column SO italically that she
was seriously injured. a college girl
shouldn't kick ut the ceiling with both
feet at once unless there IL young
man standing nehr to catch her IN case
Of u fall and then 1t would DO advls-
able to first dress like female trapcze
performer.
cd the congregation where his father
was previously the pastor. lie preach
ed OH the Sabbath, and after service,
one of the venerable elders speaking
with the young minister's vile, said: :
"I our husband preached from the
same text that his father had the last
time no was In that pulpit"
"IndeGd," replied the lady, w hope
1t was not the Same sermon, too"
"Oh, no." said the elder, "his father
was Il dreadful smart man.'
He was not much up to. Galveston
tricks, but when man with Grape on
his hat showed him Massive gold ring
telling him that he had just found It,
the young man didn't believe 1T. He
said: ii believe you stole that valu-
able ring" "No, sir; indeed didn't.
You may have 1t for ~, as l havo to
lcavo town." Flo paid 81, but when
he took it to the jcwcller, and the jew
eller told him the retail price per dezen
Of that style of ring was 35 cents, he
burst into tears and salu, ~ did that
man an injustice. Uo never stole It,
lc was honest after all.
A pIsGUsTKD looking man With n
double-barreled shot gun came YEARLY
said friend. "just in from the flats p"
eyes," said Jones, dropping that butt
OF his gun heavily on the pavement,
"I'm in from the flats. Six Of us havo
been sitting in the rain In wet boat
for two days looking for dHoks. Not
sectng any sport In this l lett. The
other five arc there yet, and l am Of
your opinion that they're flats. Yes,
sir" shoulderlng tho shot gun again
"l'm just In from tho flats"
A sCIENTIFIC journal explains, in a
long article, "How thunder storms
come up" We haven't read tho arti-
Gle, but we know how they como up.
Tl'ey wait until tho Sunday school pic
MIC reaches tho grove, and gets fairly
to business ut copenhagen, swinging,
Irritation, c.oqnet and other in
noccnt games, and they como up like
thunder und lightning. 1t tukes tho
average thunder storm not more than
ten minutes to come up in the neigh
borhood OF picnic.
A FARMER complains that 1t cost him
twenty-five dollars to raiso Il pig
Weighing one hundred aud forty
pounds. That was pretty steep. A
man raised n pig weighing one hun
drcd and forty pounds, In street car,
tho other day, and 1t only cost him tlv.
dollars and cos,s. The pig was IN ok
Ing and swearing IN the presence Of
ladies, and the man raised him with
his boot Oft the car into the street. The
magistrate said he raised him IL little
too emphatically. The pig landed on
his enUuC.
a LADY with q fatal squiIt came once
to Il fashionable al list for her portrait.
He looked at her and she looked al
him, and both were embarrassed. He
spoke first: would your ladyship
permit me-" he said, "to take tho pro-
illep There Is a certain shyness about
your ladysh,p's eye which is rs dill
culs In art as 1t Is fascinating In na-
ture."
a YOUNG man who hnl Inherited the
day before a large fortune from his
uncle gave Il dinner to II few friends.
He inquired at the restaurant If they
had some old cheese. Yes" replied
the waiter, "Is 1t strong:" 'Strong
enough to bring the dead to life" IL
don't want It," replied the heir.
THREE little boys, on a Sabbath day,
were stopped on the street by an elder
ly gentleman, who, perceiving that
they had bats and balls with them ask
ed one of the number this question :
"'Boy ,can you tell me where ali naugll-
~ bows go to who play ball on Sun
day Z" "Ovor back OF Johnson's dam -
the youngster replied.
y YOUNG girl while attending Sab
bath school saw a picture Of Cain and
Abel In the lesson book. She looked
at the teacher aud said: g.; man
dead" Well, Stella" SAID the nacher,
"what killed him ?" "Don't Know
said the bright young lady; "run over
by tho cars, l suppose
OLD Mr.. Coupons listened to a scr.
| mon OF charity last Sunday and was
90 moved TINT whnn ha nnn,a n1t hn