The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1881-08-11
SPooPENDYKE AS A SPORTSMAN
He Purchases a Gun and Explains
to Mrs. S. the Method o:
Using It
Brooklyn Eagle.

Brooklyn Eagle.
"Say, my dear" said Mr.. Spoop-
endyke, as he drew gun from the
case and eyed it critically, ''I want
you to wake me up early in the
morning, I'm going shooting"
"Isn't that too sweetr ejacula-
ted Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Pn wear
my new dress and my Saratoga
waves. Where do we go?"
"rm going down on the island,
and you'll probably go as far as
the front door," grunted Mr. Spoop
endyke. "Women don't go shoot
ing. It's only men. All you've
got to do is wake TO me up and get
breakfast. When / come home
we'l have some birds.''
won't that be nicer chined
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Can you
catch birds with that thing?" and
Mrs. Spoopendyke futtered around
the improved breach loading shot
gun, firmly impressed with the
idea that it was some kind of
trap.
81 can kill 'em with this" ex-
planned Mr.. Spoopendyke. "That
is a gun, my dear; it isn't nest
with three speckled eggs in it, nor
is it barn with hole in the roof.
You stick the cartridge in there
and pull the finger piece, and
down comes your bird every time"
"Wel, isn't that the greatest
thing? l suppose if you don't want
partridge, you can stick duck or
turkey in that end, too, or a fish or
lobster, and bring it down just as
quick"
"Yes, or you can stick a house or
a COIN field, or dod gasted female
idiot in there, too, if you want TOP
snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke. "Who
said any thing about a PARTRIDGE
It's a cartridge that goes in there!'
"Ohr' calculated Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, rather crestfallen. 81 see
now. Where does the bird go?"
''He goes to night school, if he
hasn't any more sense than you
have" snorted Mr.. Spoopendyke.
"Look here now, and I'll show you
how it works." and Spoopendyke,
whose ideas of gun were about as
vague as those of his wife, inserted
the cartridge half way in the muzSle
end, and cautiously cooked the
weapon.
And when the bird sees that, he
comes and pecks at it! Isn't that
the funnIestY' and Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke clapped her hands in the en-
ioyment Of her discovery. "Then
you put out your hand and catch
catch himW
you've struck it," howled Mr..
Spoopendyke, who had the ham
mer on half-cock, and was vainly
pulling at the trigger to get it down.
That's the idea. All you need is
four feathers and gas bill to be
martingale! With your notions,
you only want a new stock aid a
steam trip hammer to be a needle
gun! Don't you know that dod
gasted thing has got to 60 of be-
fore you get q bird? You shoot
the birds, you don't wait for 'em to
shoot your
LAT home we used to always
chop their heads off with an axe"
faltered Mrs. SpooPendyke.
$50 would 1, if l was going after
measley old hens" retorted Mr.
Spoopendyke, who managed to un-
cock the contrlvance, shut when !
go for yellow birds and sparrCws,
| go like sportsman. While I'm
waiting for Bird" continued Mr..
Spoopendyke, adjusting the car
fridge at the breech, 81 put the load
in here for safety. Aud when l
see flock aim and fire"
Bangl went the gun, knocking
the tail feathers out O; al eight
day clock and plowing a foot fur
row in the wall, perforating the
closet door, and eliminating in
Mr.. Spoopendyke's plug hat.
Goodness, gracious! squeaked
Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Oh, my|
Mr.. Spoopendyke gathered him
self up and contemplated the dam
age.
"Why couldn't ye keep still2"
he shrieked. "What'd We want to
disturb my aim for and make me
lie: it off. Think l can hold back a
charge of powder and a pound of
shot while a measly woman is scar
ing it through a gun barrell2"
''If that had been a bird, how |
nicely you would have shot it,"
suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke,s ,sooth
ingly. "If you should ever aim at
a bird, you'd catch him sure!'
"Oh! you know what l could dol
With your information about gun
merry you only need wad IN your
mouth and kick like a mule to be |
a mountain howitzer! If l had your /
intelligence on sporting subjects, |
I'd hire out for a shot tower! Don't |
you know you've spoiled the dod |
gasted gun?" And AIR. Spoopen
dyke, anxious for some excuse to |
take it back to his friend Speckle-
wottle, who loaned it to him, held |
it out and eyed his wife sternly. |
you've ruined that gum" he con-
tinu0d solemnly. ut won't ever
go off again.
Never mind, dear" consoled |
Mrs Spoopendyke. "It's been of |
enough, and I'd just as lief have
some clans as birds. You 90 to
bed and well try to do without any |
birds"
alt won't 60 off again" repeated |
Mr.. Spoopendyke, as he climbed in
to his couch. THAT is a ruined |
gun" and he turned mis- face to the
wall
Ms. Spoopendyke slowly dis
robed, having first turned stream
OF water into the gun from the fau
Get, and betook her to rest. "It
may not 60 of again" she thought, |
"but il il does, the neighbors will |
think the water main has burst,
with which reflection she began TO
pat the ear of Mr.. Spoopendyke,
who turned over like an earthquake |
and wan ted to know if she thought
she hadn't done enough mischief
without lamming him like a dod
gasted blacksmith
Eof Hall an Hie Si5a