Democratic messenger., 1881-10-08
WIT AND WISDOM.

SINGULAR that artists affect slouch
hats. Chimney-pots would make 'em
draw better.
WHEN a man makes a rye face it is
natural to suppose that he is little
cross grained.
THERE is limit-First young lady
"I could sit here forever" Second
ditto: "And till lunch time"
HANGING a man in efigy is good
deal like kissing a COW owned by the
father of your girl. 1t don't hit the
case.
IT is startling fact in natural history
that children who are "perfect little
lambs " usually grow up to be "mutton-
heads"
AN old negro cook says: "Sass is
powerful good in everything but chill
dren. Dey needs some other kind of
dressing"
WERE Afric's sun as ours so hot,
No sun Of any cline were hotter
And cen the very Hottentot
Would presently wax hot and totter.
Mrs. SPRIGGINs was boasting of her
new house. The windows, she said,
were all stained. "That's too bad
But won't turpentine or benzine wash
it OFF," asked the good Mrs. Oldbody.
NATURAL religion. Bishop (reproving
delinquent page): Wretched boy
Who is it that sees all we do, and before
whom even am but crushed worm ?"
Page: The missus, my lord"
"YoU see, it's just this way" says a
local politician; "a hummer votes forty
times-a Main street man won't perhaps
vote once. Now, if a man wants an
Office, to whom shall he go for votes ?"
AT THE medical examination: Chow
should you detect prussic acid among
other substances ?" ''By breathing it,
answers the candidate. ''If died i'm
mediately, l should know prussic acid
was present."
A DETROIT young man denounces the
poke bonnets ''because they chafe his
ears" Here, now, is a question for
scientists. Can they explain how it is
that poke bonnet worn by one person
can chafe the ears of another person
not wearing it?
ACCORDING to Mayor Harrison, of
Chicago, the difference between whisky
and beer is this: When a man goes
home full of whisky he beats his wife;
but when he gets full of beer, he goes
home stupid and his wife beats him.
That makes all the difference In the
world to both of them.
AN Indianapolis ruralist seated him
self in a restaurant the other day and
began on the bill of fare. After employ
ing three walters nearly half an hour in
bringing dishes to him, he heaved a
sigh, and whispered, as he put his
finger on the bill of fare, "Mister, I've
ct to thar, and"-moving his finger to
the bottom of the bill" eff it isn't agin
the rule, I'd like to skip from thar to
thar"
On. the tiny little ants!
How they climb up our pants
At the picnic meath the willows in the glen
How they seem to take delight in
The obnoxious sport of bitin'
Indefensible and modest gentlemen!
It's delightful, when ones cooling
To the damsel he is wooing,
To feel the playful creatures in his pants |!
And upon the perfumed air
He throbs a soulful swear
At his "sisters and his cousins and his ants"
Oh, it sets the brain a-throbbing
To feel these insects bobbing
Up and down our system in their sink slee
There's one way you can rig, YIN,
And that is-fee and fight ens
Meath the shadow of some distant friendly
tree!
OUR BoNNY PET.
We have sweet lassie just over the way,
Who's "the cunningest darling," the aunties
all say
"That ever came into this hight world of ours.
or course sne is sweeter than springs sweetest
flowers.
Her voice ripples ont like the bobolink's song
And her wee twinkling feet wander all the day
long
'Mong the daisies and buttercups, clover and
grass,
While the bees and the butterflies pause as they
pass,
To bask in the sunbeam that fingers, to play
With this sweet bonny lassie just over the way,
First he kisses her ringlets and lights them
with gold,
Then peeps in her bright eyes, this sunbeam
so bold
Then he tarries to ask ''your name, If you
please?'
And the wee lassie answers him, L" title Louise,
Ny mamma is tallin, and 1 mus do way,
So I'll bill 90, bite sunbeam, a peasant dood
day."