Connecticut western news., 1881-06-22
WIT AND WISDOM.

IF YOU Whllb bO D0 AA"h OA "N~oN~ keep a good balance at your bankers.
 To BE short in his accounts, is, in cashier, a crime; in a reporter it is a virtue. ae-ls7l. #af
 Is man who is in debt to the dentist for his teeth likely to have @ false set owe voice?9
 MEN are all equal before the law, es- pecially those who have no money with which to bribe justice.
 WORK on the Brooklyn bridge has been suspended for want of steel The first instance of lack of steal in a New York enterprise.
 THERE is more eloquence in the gift of dollar to starving family than in the most charming sermon that was ever preached on the subject of charity.
 IF, instead of being Respondent, you would up, guards, and at them r half the impediments in your way would be- gin to roll down hill immediately.
 THE man who can sit alone for half an hour with his own conscience and feel that he has been in respectable com pany is fit to join any church in the land.
 WHEN an illiterate farmer was asked by the prosecuting attorney if he was husbandman, he replied, "No, but I am to be married next month, and then shall be-"
 THE following notice is at the door of a ready made clothing establishment in one of the poorest quarters of Paris: "Do not go somewhere else to be robbed; walk in here."
 SONG of the youthful apple peddler at the country railway stations: 'Nap- pie, mister2 Rapple? Wantanapple, mister2 Nj seatin' napplesl Want snappuls. Here's yourappuls!' 7
 ONE evidence of our total depravity is to be found in the fact that it is extreme ly pleasant to run over head and ears in debt, and that we are sorry to have to pay it, even when we have the money.
 THE very latest, incest little idea is for young lady to decorate minia- ture bellows and send it to her best gentleman friend. It signifies: "D Dent mind your poverty; I will raise the wind"
 WHEN some one said inadvertently that certain person had died without the aid of physician" he saw at once that he had done injustice to noble profession, and added "but such in- stances are of very rare occurrence"
 AN Iowa tailor whose front name is William has got himself nicknamed "Iowa Bill" so that customers who owe for the clothes they have on cannot ad- dress him without being reminded of that fact. It saves heap of dunning.
 IrMAY be that legally the husband and wife are only one. It is one of those bubbles of law which are very provoking and misleading, We heard quarrel the other day in which only this legal one took part, and it sounded neither like dialogue or trialogue, but as though the whole menagerie had left the circus and got back into their native forests.
 WE heard criticism the other day on the habit of pronouncing eulogies over the unworthy dead. The minister wal in doubt, and so gave the deceased the benefit of it and presumed him to be a saint in glory. A blunt old fellow as he came away remarked, "Well, it may be that Jack is in heaven I hope he is; but if he is think it is an awful pity to tell of it, for don't think any one else will want to go there." -..rG
 A NAN who was too poor to indulge in any luxuries other than children, was presented by loving wife with triplets three boys-and he sought for some family to adopt them. MT. Clark was inclined to take one of them, but his good wife rather objected. They were talking it over before their little eight year old daughter, who said: "Why don't you take one of them, ma, or don't you want to break the set.
 IN certain minister's family the con- versation turned upon the character of the baby. Why was the baby so naughtyp The brother, who had reached the age of twelve, and was studying the steam engine in his intervals of cate chism, gave vent to his orthodoxy1n the following suggestive inquiry; "Papa. as we all inherit the sin of Adam and the baby is such little fellow,dis there not greater pressureof sin to the square inch in the baby than in the rest of us?" ,H
 HE Yorkville boys seem to be going down hill in their morals of late. Last Sunday one of the legion, who has al- ways been notei for his respectful de- meanor toward the great public, ob- served an ex-alderman yawning and gap ing on a street corner, and said to him: "Better not open your mouth. too wide.' "Why?" was the surprised queery. "Cos there's law agin openin' liquor saloon on Sunday" continued the sinful child, as he slid for the mid dle of the street.
 OCCASIONALLY, yes, very often, wo- man is more than a match for @ man. A farmer living in the outskirts of New Haven was in @ hurry to get his farm work along, and went out into the field with his boys and hired man, entirely overlooking the fact that the last stick of wood in the woodpile had been burned to get the breakfast. Raging hungry the force came in at noon. The good wife had the table set with all the