The Iowa plain dealer. [volume] (New Oregon, Howard County, Iowa) 1867-1895, 1881-11-17
Jest pound; suppose man il a quar-
ter rs big ~ a cow--give him = quarter
Of q pound T.
nUMORS Of THE DAY.

NJ MV1tC VI UAuo
AMAN may have tenants and yet have
no payments.
The concern TINT always makes money
the mint.
THERE Is divorceity Of opinion be.
tween many men and their wives.
The child never sees the necessity oi
strict obedience until It becomes up.
parent.
A MAN can possibly have no affection
for rheumatism, and yet hs will do al.
most anything for il.
A MAN never feels poor when he hns a
tcn-dollar bill to wrap on the outside Of
his roll Of ones.-LoWeN Citizen.
FAIR umpire at lawn tennis-"O Only
keep your head, Mr.. Jones, and you nrc
sure to have soft thing"
An OBSERVING laundryman has dis
covered that the time for him to
catch soft water is when it is raining
hard.
The Philadelphia Chronicle Herald
thinks TINT Eve was giddy young thing
because she got married when she was !,
day old.
IAN that's the pillar Of Hercules ?"
she said, adjusting her silver .spectacles.
Gracious, what's the rest Of his bed
clothes like p
BIND up my wounds, bring me MI.
other piece Of stovepipe and let the bat-
tie proceed !! Charge, tinker, charge
On, stovepipe, on r
"WHAT is right in the concrete may
be left iii the abstract" remarked senior
Alley - he pulled his foot out OF his
shoe and left that article sticking to the
new-mnde pavement"
The worst "spell Of the season come.
from Dakota postmaster, who nc.
knowledged the receipt Of package oi
postal cards from the Holyoke factory,
in these words: Received tho pac.
akichitch."
"No man was ever elected President
who Was born in city. And yet, de.
spite this fact, boys continue to be borr
in cities. They evidently don't aspire
to the Presidency. They prefer to be.
come members Of baseball clubs.
A FREScHMAN learning the English
language complained Of the irregul lrity
Of the verb ito co." the present tense
Of which some wag had written out fol
him as follows: II 60; thou startest
he departs we lay tracks; you cut
sticks; thou absquatnlate or skedad.
de-"
"VELL, mein frent," said an old jew
in London who, after having recovered
from fit which, It was thought, would
terminate in death, saw crnciiix TINT
had been thrust in his face by piou>
Catholic summoned to assist him home,
II can lend you only two shillings OF
it."
A WESTERN Coroner's jury returned :
verdict that the deceased came to hil
death from exposure. "What do yor
mean by that ~ asked relative Of the
dead man. "There are two bullet holes
in his skull" "Just So" replied the
Coroner, "he died from exposure t.
bullets"
HE WAS wealthy but penurious, aud
this is what he said to the sutton for his
daughters hand: "Yes. You can have
her. But you must elope with her. l
can't afford the expense Of swell we'd
ding, and the romance Of the elopcmcnt
will make up for the lack Of show anG
we'll save $500 on expenses. Go it,
Boston Post.
II MAINTAIN" cried Mr.. Quillhopper,
excitedly, THAT no man has been ii
such horrible predicament that he
could not lie in 4 worse one." "That's
all nonsense" answered the blonde
young man; - relative of mine was
once On the sea in m open boat for ten
days with nothing to eat; on the
eleventh day he was 30 hungry he had
to eat his own shoes what could he
worse than that?" "Well," said Mr..
O., slowly, "he might have had to co,
some one else's" The blonde young
man wilted.