The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1881-09-30

HOW 0OS3 1lucT ihuC IovSAs DHSy~s~St
Of course.--Boston Times. nl AEsas a.a
When the river rises one foot, what be-
comes Of the other? 1t remains tide, OF
course. ... -... 81.
There Is steam barge on Lake Michigan
called the Robert G. lngersoll, but 1t can't
run without fire.
They have several circuses in Kansas this
season, and the usual summer amusement OF
capturing old man Bender has been sban-
doned.
Thare IL no trubble In gittin' . good repu-
tashun an in keepin' 1t, If men would only
be NJ honest a. they pretend to be.--Josh
Billings. -m9 gr ..rs &. .-..
|! "Three thousand dogs keep Omaha peo-
pie awake" They must be an exceedingly
drowsy set II they can't keep awake on less
than that. ''
Soiomon's Temple at Jerusalem cost over
ST., ,OOO, ,OOO, 900, complete. There were eV'-
IDENTIFY government contractors in those days.
--Steubenuiite Herald
"Do you catch on ?n asked the omnibus
driver, as he swung his whp-lash to the rear.
"Yes, tumble" answered the small boy,
as he ruled into the gutter.-Boston Tran
script.
aI would like you to make an item to the
effect that my war-paut this season will be
more lurid than ever before. i can lick Sam
Tiden with one hand tied behind me."-J.
Kelly.
| $50 John Kelly has dug up the hatchet.
| has he ?? When open up my fall stock OF
hardware and cutlery Mr.. Kelly will think ne
| Is small retail dealer on back street."-S.
j. Iilden.
INQUIRER: What Is the most common relief
for boilp The most common Is profanity.
Kicking the dog, abusing your family, and
getting into lawsuit with your neighbor are
reliefs also nsed. ..... agF ...r ..
The wages of laborer in Russia Is eight
cents for days work of fifteen hours, and
he " finds himself. 1t is not s,ated where
| he finds himself at the end OF the month,
though.-Lo,ceH Ciiizen. a '
| The g utterly utter" kind of talk has iu-
fected The street gamins, one OF whom, AFTER
picking up more than usually fragrant cigar
stump. exclaimed to his friend, "Jack, this
| is quite too positively bully."-Boston Tran
serip!.
Said says POLITICALLY that God gives sleep
20 the bad in order that the good may be un-
disturbed. Plain prose, however, teaches US
that sleep Is given 10 the good In Older that
they may not know that . burglar is ia the
bouse.
An old lady was telling her grandchildren
about some trouble in Scotland in the course
of which the chief Of her clan was behead-
ed. alt was nae great thing Of head, to DC
su,e,n said the good lady, "but 1t was sad
loss to him."
George Wsshington's hatchet has been
found In the field where he threw It afleI
chopplng the cherry-tree, and where IL ha:
been living ever since. We thought Il would
turn out that one of the parties to that affair
could lie.--Lo,DeH Citizen. -.. o..
| A little boy who had attended funera
was asked by his mother what the tex
was. He replied, I" He's dead, and they wen
mn The road" This was the boys version o
the passage in Ecclesiastes, "Man goeth tt
his long home, and the mouruers 90 abou
the Streets .,H.a
An exchange says that IN eminent judg'
of Indiana, now indulging In his annual de
bauch. has broken q faro-bank at the Hoosie
capital" This shows what whisky will brini
man to. II the eminent judge had KEEP
sober, the chances are that the bank woul'
have broken him.
A grandfather coming to read his paper
found that he had mislaid his spectacles, ant
tbereupon declared, al have lost my glasse
somewhere and can't read the paper" A lit
tie three and half year-old girl. desiring te
, sssisi him, answered, "G'an'ps, you go out
side and looa froo ze window aud l'li hold .
paper up so yon can read tn y. Star.
Charley Smallface is little slow In pick
ing up the sports Of the day, but he has 60
rowing down fine. We saw him the othe
day, serenely sitting In his mothers wash
tub. with two croquet mallets run throug
the handles, and he was pulling away acros
the backyard at the surprising speed Q
twenty-five strokes to the minute.-Ne'
Haven Register.
"I can't very we'll express which it--wha
> there-I do not-you are very-I am moi
D air. unsensible-the fact is, said the diffiden
man, suddenly called to his feet for q speec;
At public dinner, "I can't make speech
and can't say anything would understan
or you would care to hear, but II it please
{ YOU to see me blush and sweat, will stan
here on one leg and perspile for the next te
minutes" They let him of.-Burltngto
Ha,ckeye.