National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1881-01-05
A SCENE IN CONGRESS,
Good Advice to a Young Dian From His
EnfnRr-


Father.
Ny son. ii may be that as you grow older you will
be seized with an ambition to serve your country
in the halls of Congress. To this end YOU should
begin now to acquire that polish and easy elegance
OF lalgUagc which viii enable you TO shine in de-
bate Read the daily papers and thus familiarize
yourself with the language and manners of the
American legislator. Cut out the official report of
the great financial debate between the Hon. Mr.
Clcaycr and the Hon. Mr.. Shark, that it may be to
you textbook upon monetary matters:
Hon. Mr. Cleaver. a. IN presenting this bill for the
issue OF iGO,O0O0OO copper dollars per diem, Mr..
Speaker, | am moved toSay-"
Hon. Mr.. Shark The honorable gentleman is
dirty liar and dasSen't take ii up"
Hon. Mr.. Cleaver. " Sir, Mr.. Speaker, il the hon
OrHbie gentleman doesn't take that back III two
shakes OF Sleeps tail will kick the everlasting
The Speaker. - The gentlemen must be careful,
IN the heat OF debate, not to overstep the bounds
OF courtesy and parliamentary usage"
Hon. Mr.. Shark The gentleman is a IOr-earpd
son of a gun from wooden shoe county, and he
can't whip one side of me-
Hon. Mr.. Cleayer " VIII the gentleman step out
from behind his desk and put up his maulcyS?
Dance TO me, you sucker, only weigh a pound"
lion. Mr.. Shark. I'm slap your nasty mouth
you VcnOmous old beast"
Hon. Mr. Cleayer "Aw-w, shut I'D. Skinny; what
are YOU giYin us ."
lion NJ Groans, of Texas. " Black his eye! Hit
him III tie mouth :"
Other honorable gentlemen from yarjOr,s States
smear him one! Send him one ON the paste
horn, for luck! Smack him i'll the snOotr'
Hon: Mr. Tan Handle (thc Speaker, mildly
he honorable gentlemen will please keep within
the bounds of parliamentary courtesy
Hon. Mr.. Cleavcr dumping up in the air and
cracking his heels togetherD. "WhoopI ! kin
claw up and carry out any son of q thief between
Chicago and Cairo! If you don't believe it, smell
Of my bOotSr"
Hon. Mr. Shark. Hold me down somebody
I'm the bad man from river district, and eat
raw buffalo! Where do you want me to hit first ~
And Just here the police, on their way 10 close
diSordcrly house in the neighbOrhood, stepped in
and closed the debate
From this page of Congressional history, my son,
you can see how to direct your reading in order to
acquire sufficient knowledge of financial matters
TO participate in a debate on the funding bill 1t
may be grand thing TO go TO Congress-. won't
discourage you, my dear boy, if your ambition
leans IN that direction. Still so long as you have
an alternative Open so long you can get steady
situation as chambermaid in livery stable or clerk
on Tatt wouldn't advise you to set your heart
on Congress. The American people really do not
have much respect for Congress as a body. They
are always sorry to see il in session. They are al
ways glad when it adjOurns. individually, the
members of Congress are, believe, good citizens,
good neIghbors, good men. But for a lot of good
raw material my boy, they can make the meaneSt
aggregate when they get together Don't worry
about going to Congress, Telemachus. Go to the
mines or join the Ministries. Your parents will
think more of you-HaIGkeye.