The Rock Island Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1877-1885, 1881-09-01

Mr.. Spoopendyke Purchases q Machine
and Makes q Mile Minute.


and Makes q Mile a Minute.
snow, my DEAR said Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke, hurrying up to his wife's room,
s'if you'n come down in the yard I've
got a pleasant surprise for YOU
What is it?'' asked Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke, sswhat have you got, horser'
Guess again. grinned Mr.. Spoo-l
pendyke. s.It's something like q
horse.n
81 know. It's new parlor carpet.
That's what it isr'
mo, it isn't, either. I said it's
something like a horse; that is, it goes
when you make it. Guess again.
us it paint for the kitchen WALSH
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, innocently.
mo it amt, and it amt hogshead
of stove backing, nor it amt a set of
dining-room furniture, nor it amt sew
en- gross of stationary washtubs. Now
guess again"
ssThen it must be some lace curtains
for the sitting-room windows. Isn't
that just splendidP'' and Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke patted her husband on both
cheeks and danced up and down with
delight.
''It's bicycle, that's what it isr'
growled Mr.. Spoopendyke. 81 bought
it for exercise and I'm going to ride it.
Come down and see me-"
"Well, amt / glad" calculated
Mrs. Spoopendyke. you ought to
have more exercise, and if there's ex-
ercise in anything it's in bicycle. Do
let's see itr'
Mr.. Spoopendyke conducted his wife
the merits of the machine.
'sIn few weeks I'll be able to make
a mile minute" he said, as he stead
led the apparatus against the clothes
post and prepared to mount. 'tNow,
you watch me go to the end of this
path
He got foot into one treadle and
went head first into a flower patch,
the machine on top with a prodigious
crash.
''Hadn't you better tie it up to the
post until you get onP'' suggested Mrs.
Spoopendyke.
sLeave me alone, will yep" demand
ed Mr.. Spoopendyke, struggling to an
even keel. s'rm doing most o. this
myself. Now you hold on and keep
your mouth shut. It takes little prac-
tice, that's all"
Mr.. Spoopendyke mounted again
and scuttled along four or five feet and
Topped over on the grass plat.
That's splendidp' commended his
wife. ssYou've got the idea already
Let me hold it for you this time.''
eff you've got any extra strength
you hold your tongue, win yerP''
growled Mr.. Spoopendyke. cit don't
want any holding. 1t amt alive.
Stand back and give me room, now.n
The third trial Mr.. Spoopendyke
ambled to the end of the path and
went down all in heap among the
flower pots.
THAT just too lovely for anythingr'
proclaimed Mrs. Spoopendyke. ''You
made more'n a mile q minute that
time -
t'Come and take it off p roared Mr..
Spoopendyke. ''Help me up! Blast the
bicycler' and the worthy gentleman
struggled and plunged around like a
whale in shallow water.
Mrs. Spoopendyke assisted in right
ing him and brushed him off.
Il know where you made your mis-
take" said she. ''The little wheel
ought to go first like buggy. Try it
that way going back"
MAYBE you can ride this bicycle
better than l canr' howled Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. ''You know all about wheels!
What YOU need now is q lantern in
your mouth and ten minutes behind
time to be the City Hall clocki Don't
you see the big wheel has got to go
first P''
eyes, DEAR" murmured Mrs. Spoo-
pendyke, 'Ebut thought if you prac-
ticed with the little wheel at first, you
wouldn't have so far to fall
ssWho fellP'' demanded Mr.. Spoo-
pendyke. "Didn't you see me step off?
/ tripped; that's all. Now you just
watch me go back" ~sgs,
Once more Mr.. Spoopendyke started
in, but the big wheel turned around
and looked him in tho face, and then
began to stagger.
s'Look outr' squealed Mrs. Spoopen-
dyke. RI
Mr. Spoopendyke wrenched away
no avail. Down he came, and the BIZ
cycle was hopeless wreck.
s'What'd ye want to yell for?' he
shrieked. Couldn't ye keep your
mouth shutp What d'ye think y'are,
anyhow, a fog hornp bod CAST the meas
~ bicyclein and Mr.. Spoopendyke hit
it kick that folded him up like q bolt
of muslin.
''Never mind, my DEAR" counseled
Mrs. spoopendyke, t'rm afraid the, ex-
ercise was too violent, anyway. and I'm
rather glad you broke it. - ,
81 s'pose so,'' snorted Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke. There's $50 gone"
''Don't worry, love. I'll go without
the carpets and curtains, and the paint
will do well in the kitchen. Let me
rub you with arnica."
But Mr.. Spoopendyke was too deeply
grieved by his wife's conduct to accept
any office at her hands, preferring to
punish her by letting his wounds smart
rather than to get well. and thereby
relieve her of any anxiety she brought
on herself by acting so outrageously
under the circumstances.