The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1881-11-19


Free Press .....
Z A sarcastic Georgia editor, in noticing fair
that recently came off in Macon, says: zone OF
our esteemed contemporaries took very valua-
bic premium, but Kaleidoscope and firm police
man made him put 1t right back where he took
itfrom."
A young lady once limited to gentleman that
her thimble was worn out, and asked what re-
ward she merlted for her industry. He sent her
an answer in the shape Of thimble, on which
the following lines we're engraved:
send you thimble for fingers nmble,
Which hope will fit when you tryit;
1t will last you long, II its half as strong
As the hint which you gave me to buy II.
II doesn't take much to fit ont q variety actor.
In a suit for damages against one Of these hum
bic hlstrions In Philadelphia last week, the &C.
tors property was attached, and it transpred
that all he had was a whistle and pair OF side
whiskers He had pretty near enough to open n
real estate Office.
To Mary Anderson western poet has address,
ed some lines beginning:
Fair flower Of the lea,
And beauty rare,
Are you still therey
II this little gem was written before ten o'clock
in the morning, and "there" refers to bed the
chances are that she is. E.rF
Some time ago Capt Cook, an Ohio man,
knocked down man who said he was glad Gar
field was shot, and handsome purse was made
up for Cook inside Of an hour. This scheme is
now being worked by three unprincipled men,
who 90 around together one saying he Is glad
Garfield was shot, another knocking him down,
and the third Immediately taking up collection.
There is always remunerative employment for
those who are willing to work.-ieck's Sun.
P. Norman Evans, an intelligent Englishman
travelling in the HARVEST, in very readable let
ter to the N. Y. World relates bit OF San Fran
cisco experienced
On my way to San Francisco thought at first
that the passengers were singularly abstemious
because they drank nothing but tea or water
with their meals; but afterwards l. discovered
certain bars which were frequented all day long.
In San Francisco II appeared to me that every
man you met felt bound to say, How do you do?
What will you have TO drink| AT dinner in the
hotel one day an acquaintance sitting next me
was grambling because he could not get the
waiter TO bring him some water | at once Of
fered 10 Introduce him to the waiter. He want
ed to know why. / explained that II was be
cause every American seemed to me immediate
lv after an introduction 10 be sure to repeat the
formula: How do you do! What will you have
to drinkr
The business OF reunions Of ex union soldiers,
ex.prisoners Of war, &C., is becoming somewhat
OF bore, Int By way Of something new the sug.
gestiou Of the Cincinnati SATURDAY Night is wor-
thy of consideration:
Isn't It about time that the men who didn't go
q h,I Tlatr iutn In al
Grafton have been too long ignored. Are they
entitled to no consideration for magnanmously
allowing their neighbors to go and reap the hon.
ors OF war? AS Dan Easement said, in Cleveland,
in 49, of Gen. Jack Easement !Artemus Ward
ADOPTING the idea afterward and making II his
own: 'abidnv allow my brother TO 90, and
wouldn't see my father and mother go before
would 20 myselfs" Give us fellows who stayed
at home a chance.
The politest man In Boston has been discov.
cred He was hurrying along q street the other
night, when another man, also In violent haste,
rushed out Of the aley-way, and the two collided
with great force. The second man looked mad,
while the polite man, taking OIL his hat, said
my dear sir, don't know which OF US Is to
blame for this violent encounter, but am In too
great hurry to investigate. II ran into you,
/ beg your pardon; II you ran into me, don't
mention ip'--and he tore away at redoubled
speed. Boston Journal.
Col John W. Forney, In q late issue OF the
Progress, gives an interesting account Of past
party divisions In New York, and the many fata
duels growing out OF them. After tracing the
history Of parties in the Empire state from 1851
to 1851, be says: .tf;pE,tts
"But in all this lapse Of time there has been
but one Roscoe Conkling. He is the cap sheai
OF the pyramid OF self-sdmirers; the emperor OF
empires; the car OF coxcombs; the high prizes,
Of the Hdalgos. He is like the freshman who
was rut In bucket and hung In deep well.
His tornentOrs would neither let him down nor
pull him up. 80 by the mother Of Moses said
Pat i will get The best Of them," so he cut the
ropew
When Henry w. Longfellow was nine year,
ole and going 10 school the master laid upor
him that task 80 much dreaded by all children
the writing o! their first composition. He didn'
know what to write about, he pleaded. Tn,
master told him to 90 behind the school hous,
and no doubt he would see something that h,
could tell what 1t was, what 1t was good for ant
what might be done with II, and that would b,
composition. Young Henry took his slate ant
went out. Behind the school house he saw
turnip growing up, and he thought he knew
what Il was, what Il was good for and what nigh