Connecticut western news., 1881-06-29
WIT AND WISDOM.

A wATERsPoUT-A temperance lec- ture.
 DRAWING from nature - Pulling tooth.
 1r is the fighty girl who tumples down stairs. ...
 LESSON in digestion-The grinders assist the organ.
 THE only thing the hat will leave to the hairs is crown.
 AN old salt christened his anchor Sigh, because it was heaved so often.
 Is IT the proper thing for a girl at an archery party to lean on her beau?
 THE man who had an elephant on his hands has had them amputated.
 SHE cooed; he wooed the old man said they could if they would. No cards.
 STRANGE that man should contract his brows when gazing in the field of thought.
 "HoE for the seashore." as the youth said who did garden work for his vaca- tion money.
 SOME of the new bonnets are called "snipes." This must be on account of the length of the bill. "WHAT is love ?" It is feeling that you don't want any other fellow going around with her.
 WHO says it's unhealthy to sleep in feathers Look at the spring chicken and see how tough he is. THE audience that applauds the acro- bats performance evidently thinks thst one good turn deserves another.
 To THE small boy who has inadver- tently swallowed large lump-ice is not W hat it is cracked up to be.
 IN the opinion of the Syracuse Times, Adam never dared to use the silly slang, "Some other Eve" .,a
 IT has been definitely settled at last that the reason why the pigs tail curls is because it's styed when it is young.
 THEY were speaking of miser, just deceased. "Did he leave anythingP" "He had to" was the laconic answer of Fogg.
 Two MILLION hobby horses were made in the United States last year. This is an average of two and half to politi- clan.
 IT is comfort to know that though all the fruit crops should fail, there would be no appreciable falling of in the supply of fruit extracts.
 A NEWARK lady returned to her gro- cer $3 which the clerk had overpaid her. This was pretty rough on the clerk, for of course he got fired at once.
 THE house-fy can only see distance of thirty eight feet, but that never both- CTS him any. He always manages to keep within thirty.seven feet of every thing.
 A FRENCH engineer. after q series of experiments with loaf of bread baked by Vassar College girl, now announces that the project of tunneling Mont Bianc is entirely practicable.
 CLARA" Oh Charley, you naughty boy ! saw you throw your cigar away | JlSb dS l -ChkAO aLouho ohO OoAhCAs Charley-"Why didn't you say you wanted it How was to knowp' "MAMMA," said the youngest daugh- ter of an almost hairless Philadelphian, "mamma, it isn't wicked to be bald headed, is it? Papa can't help it be- cause he hasn't any hair, can he?"
 JAY GoULD has at last got to work on 8 railroad on Mexican soil. As he is @ man that never says much about his personal affairs, it is not known who he intends leaving Mexico to in his will. THAoKERAY's idea of dandy Is given in the following note: "My dear Ed ward-A dandy is an individual who would be lady if he could, but as he can't does all he can to show the world he's not a man."
 SOME one has formed ,051 English words of not less than four letters from the letters in the word regulations. This may be pleasant kind of work, but it is not so profitable as killing po- tato bugs, one at time.
 THE farmers of Illinois are very much excited about the depredations of the Hessian fly, and want to know some thing of it's origin. If we mistake not, it was General Washington who first made the Hessian fly in this country.
 "WoNr you please play us something, Miss Hammerandbang? asked Fogg. sI should like to ever so much" said she, looking at her watch "but really, 1 I have no time." "So I have heard" replied Fogg; "but we will overlook that, you know"
 WHEN Benjamin Franklin was an edi- tor he was in the habit of writing to the young ladies who sent in poetry, saying in honied language that owing to the crowded state of his columns, etc, but he would endeavor to circulate their productions in manuscript.
 "BUT do you know, pa," said the farmers daughter, when he spoke to her about the addresses of his neighbours son "you know, pa, ma wants me to marry man of culture" "So do l, my dear, so do and there is no bet ter culture in the country that agricul- ture." ...s.-. .,.
 SAID Mrs. Smith, who had come to spend the day, to little Edith: "Are you glad to see me again, Edith ?" Edith" Yes, nm, and mamma's glad, tool" Mrs. Smith--"I she ?" Edith -" Yes, nm; she said she hoped you'd |