Daily Republican., 1881-08-04
JOKES OF INFINITE TESTERS.
Midsu MINER wiz From the Clowns
OF tho Newspaper Press.
"NO BODY WILL. SEE IT,"

Oi tho 0NeWspHDor or PreBH.
"NO BODY WILL. SEE IT,
A short time ago we called uron
party in business and asked him VIII
he did not advertise.
the use? Nobody will ever see it,
You're mistaken, said we E; ever
page in our paper is read
Nonsense, he replied 'eyen if the,
did read my advertisement, peOpl
would never think Of it again. / don
wan to advertise.
But
NO butts at all. don't want to ad
vertisH, and don't bot ner me any more
Pm busy : and We walked back int,
his store and strangled a poor little fl,
that was helping itself from barrel o
sugar.
lime passed, and we never again in
timated advertisement to him though
meeting him daily. Yesterday the gen
tleman called at our sanctum, looking
a little uncertain as to how he would bt
received. We cherished no hard feel
ings, and. motioned him to chair.
i suppose you heard of that little
affair oi mine below -
oh, yes, said we that little esca-
pade night before last? Yes, we We got
all the particulars
Hush not 50 loud, please, said he
OF course you are going to say moth ing
in the paper about it,.
'Anu why not ? It's after of in
teresl to your friends and the people
generally
'iieavcns Why it would ruin
me-
'uh, no, guess not nobody will ever
it,
N's they will and it will ruin me
as sure Us Pm sitting here. III be the
laughing stock of the town. They will
see 1t =
We rose and touched him impress
Sively on the shoulder.
We'll, we admit hat tho people will
SEQ it but then, you know, they will
pever think OF 1t again
His words came back to him like a
flash, ani he trembltd SO violently that
his cycballs fairly jingIed, and he was
such an object OF cuinmiscration that
we promised to keep mum. This little
moral is drawn from the above, which
is applicable the world over Ask a
man to advertise and he will immoii-
ately say, in the majority of cases, that
Nobody will ever see it > but adver.
Use graft, some little indiscrrtion he
may commit, and he immediately grows
indignant over the certainty that the
" hole world will know it,
WHY HE FELL BACK.
"A Dctroiter who was in Richmond
last week, took il trip to Petersburg and
the crater, rs all visitors do, and while
viewing The spot where SO much pow.
der was wasted with such lean results
h" met an old 'untaiLed' from Alabama
sho was also visitor. They fell into
conversation about the war. aud lhe
Alahamian got Il comfortable seat on
the top II. of a fence and said
"Gineral Lee gin you Yanks bloody
gosh long this line"
'fcS.
'rout ye fpr all he was wuth."
ole did"
"iield these ere works agin ye fur
two years.
eyes"
"And whenave! Gineral Grant bus
tied up to him he got driv back"
'Hcs, until the last time"
stranger, have you any idea that
Old Bob Lee fell back from th, klse he
was afraid of Gincral Grant? 2"
"ies, Grant had got too strong for him
here"
'Do you actually believe thai 90
eyes"
"And do all the Yanks believe it ?"
eyes.
"Nall, stranger, 20 ar laborin' un.
lera powerful mistake. | was right
lere the hull time,anL know all about
t. Bob Lee fell back, in COURSE but
/" hat fur ?'
"Because he couldn't hold this line
my longer"
"BoSh ye must be crazy. He could
held out here till the hinges rus.ed
fl the gates O. Heaven"
"But he didu't."
"Sartin, he didn't. war right here,
n | know he didn't. We had heaps
men, lots o guns, dead loads O. pow ,
cr an plenty o grub, but we fell back
} git nd o paying ground rent or these {
r. farms, and you was internally mean
uoug1 to toller ON. That was the only
'eak pint about Ginelal Lee. When
lcy raised the ground rent on him he'd n
ide in order 10 save 'nlff money to
eep us in umbrellas and gold headed
ines. Free Press.