The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1881-07-28

but Il may turn out TO be only the basement
of n defunct lager-beer saloon. One can't
be sure on this old relic question: etro1
Free Press.
crash Is heard 10 the kitchen OF a
house on Galveston avenue. The head OF
the family calls out TO the cook: What
have you broken now, you - OlacK
idiot!" Matilda stops singing hymn to
answer: "'Taint de fort commandment,
bress de Lord.1- Galveston NeuS.
A Louisville gentleman, while smoking
cigar, heard something drop. lie looked
and discovered that 1t was nail. There
was visible In the cigar good-sized hole,
which bad been occupied by the nail. No
hammer was found. Hammers, however,
will be introduced in the larger cigars after
while.
FRIENDSHIP.
"Why, are you alive yet, old friendf l
heard you were dead" "Nice 1riend'
YOU are. You didH't even come to my
iuneraI."- Texas S1tingS.
APARTING SHOT.
al shan't be gone long," said Fogg. as
he started out the other evening TO go to
the "lodge"; "l'lI be right back" See
that you come back right, alsO," remarked
Mrs. f., Significantly Boston Transcript.
GEOGRAPHICAL.
"wbere is the island OF Java situated ?"
asked an Austin schOol.teacher OF small,
rather forlorn.looking boy. 81 dunno,
sir" Don't you know where coffee comes
from?" "Yes. sir; we bOrrowS 1t ready
parcbed from the next-door neighbor. y
1eTaS SiftingS.
BEAUTIES OF COMMUTATIoN.
"There's q Teller up here who gives a
ticket for tweniy-ope meal> for three dol
lars" remarked disciple OF the art pre-
sentative Of arts last week. "But how
does he make his money on tbat?" was
asked. easy enough. His customers
usually die alter the third meal. "-DenUer
Tribune.
CLEAR AGAIN.
Said young lawyer, not long ago, "Pve
made $40 this week" Howl" was
asked. {" WeI. 1 got SIC for a case and
borrowed 800" The story is not unlike
one told Of Henri Muger, the noted Partisan
Bohemian. "Wbat is your incOme!" he
was once asked. alt is hard to TELL" was
the reply, "but in good years | can Dor.
row at least 10000 francs."-NeU Orleans
Times.
SATISFACTORY EXPLANATION.
A tramp with his arm in a sling called on
GilheOley for a quarter, alleging that his
arm had been injured in the recent railroad
accident near San Antonio. "But yester-
day YOU had the other arm in a sling" re-
piled Gilhooley. Dwell, supposin' | had.
Don't you think felIer's arm gets tired OF
being tied up all day; Besides, have got
conclusion Of the brain and can't remem.
Der half the time which arm Was broken"
1e1dS SiftingS.
HE WOULDN'T DRAW UP HILL.
They were hauling wood from the lot,
and Just as each load reached the brow IL
the bill The old darby who was " bossing"
the Job hilched IN extra horse to the team
and let it run down the hill. "Say, YOU
Pete, why don't you make tbat horse help
draw the load up the hill? It's nonsense
hitchiug him on going down hill" "Wall,.
massa," replied the African, as he mOpped
his shining black forehead with his sleeve,
" that boss is kim o. pernikity. Yo' see, he
won draw up hill no way 10 dis worp; but
he has to go when de load is benin him
goin' down bill, suah. And dats de way
dat boss get bin exercise" And the grin
on that darky's face was five inches and
three eighths by actual measuTement.-Neu
Haven Register.
PUN AT THE BOARDING HOUSE.
Said Henderson at breakfast the other
morning, putting down bis cup, "Why is
this coffee unlike wineY" The landlady
answered quickly, "Because il cheers but
not inebriates." But the boarders all de.
clared that couldn't be it, not the cheer"
part, at any rate. Young Podgers, the
awful boy who sits at the foot Of the table,
guessed it was because it wasn't strong
drink. FOgg, the funny man, tried to con-
struct an elaborate pun out Of "succOry-
suck o. rye" but failed miserabIy. Miss
Fansbawe, who is great biblical scholar,
thought it was because il did not look red
in the cup. But Henderson shook his head
at each response, and finally all had to give
II up. Because wine is Mocha" said |
Henderson, "and Pm blest If this coffee is" |
The boarding-misiress was heard to remark |
contidentally TO the cook after breakfast |
that she despised that Henderson feller.-
Boston Transcript.
He TOLD THE OLD MAN WHY.
$50 you're not going to marry Izra Has |
kinS's daughter, though you know my heart |
is set on that match" numbered Sir Mar
maduke, The dairy king, to bis son, Lem.
Norton, the OX-tamer Of Yellow Springs. !
"No, sir" meekly replied the young man.
"And, sir" rOared the eXasperatCd father,
"may l ask why you dare thus to thwart
my expressed willY" "Yes, sir" said his
son, in a low, faint voice, like joke before
breakfast, "because | asked her, aud she
said she'd rather marry a pump-log for
brains Than marry anybody in this family"
"AL!" exclaimed Sir Marmaduke, with a
fading infection, and then he turned away
to the new Ayrshire COW in the corner OF
tue loi, and said, in a voice Of a thunder
cloud, " Huddup yer foot, We iur.tailed imp
Of thistle patch, or Pll knock the stutfin'
outen ye with neck.yOke!" And his
own son knew that the proudsDirited old
man was thinking Of her. Burlington