Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1881-12-23

"Say, my DEAR" said Mr.. Spoopendyke as he
finished reading q letter he had Just received
my brother, out west, wants me to buy razor
strOp and suitable present for young lady,
and send them to him."
II didn't know that a razor strop was . suita-
present for young lady" replied Mrs. Spoop-
endyke, who was busy mixing catnip tea, and
caught the remark imperfectly.
at would be q suitable present for some dod
gasted married women, il it would sharpen 'em
| up any" retOrted Mr.. Spookendyke. "Who
said anything about razor strop for a young
lady? What / observed was that my brother
out west wants me to send him a razor strop
and present suitable for young lady. Now.
can get the strop, but don't understand what
kind of a present he wants"
'Let me see, unused Mrs. Spoopendyke, her
shopping instincts rising to the surface "Does
he say what kind of "a young lady she is?''
mo, he Doesn't roared Mr. Spoopendyke.
'He leaves something to the imagination of the
reader. l suppose she has got arms and legs
| cause if she hadn't he would probably have
mentioned it. What he wants is present for
an average woman; now, what can we get for
herr"
IF knew whether she was blonde or brl-
nette, could tell better what she would like -
replied Mrs. SpOopendyke, who. like the rest of
color that becomes her best. ''Do you suppose
! he means something for her to wear or some
ornament for her house? You see don't know
whether she keeps house or boards or lives at
home"
what difference does that make?" demanded
MIR. Spoopendyke. ''Shes probably human
being. but we will suppose she roosts in tree
Does that help you any? Can you think of some
thing useful for a female who lives in a tree and
hops with light hearted skips from bough to
Dough like dod gasted crOw?'
You might get her toilet set" suggested
Mrs Spoopendyke. taking refuge in a woman s
one idea of an appropriate present for another
woman.
''She don't want toilet set" snorted Mr..
Spoopendyke 'any more n she wants the
chckcnpox! You want to think of something
that is pretty and at the same time that she can
USE Now think!n
How would one of the new painted porce-
lain flower pots do?" ventured Mrs Spoopen-
dyke.
That's it!' howled Mr.. Spoopendyke. ga
| flower pot with a measly saucer under it to
plant the tree in when it turns cold! That your
IDEA! One with broken legged bugs painted on
the outside and a hole in the bottom, so she can
use it in the spring for spy glass! That's the
idea! A four dollar flower pot for six cent
rose bush with the blind staggers and touch of
the pip Where's the pot? Fetch forth the
highly seasoned flower pot!" and Mr.. Spoopen-
dyke leaned back in his chair and glared at his
wife.
III tell you what will DO. my dear" saidMrs
Spoopendyke. approaching the next suggestion
cautiously. why not sendan album
You mean one of those books for lot of
idiots to wish they were dead n?" asked Mr.
SpOopendyke. suspicously.
No" replied Mr.. SpOopendyke, "a photo
graph album
Don't want it," shifted Mr. Spoopendyke
contemptuously. You mean that sort of thing
that gill always brings out after tea and saws
That ma and that's pa. and that's Aunt Vim
and her little boy and that's Uncle ST. and that S
Aunt Flo and that's Uncle Jess and that's nv
niece Nellie. amt she sweet? And that's dog
we used to own. aud don't know who that is
and that's Clara MOrris!' Don't want it!' And
Mr.. Spoopendyke's voice rose to steam whistle
pitch. 'S'pOse I'm going to inflict a suffering
public with bookful of old stagers that all look
alike and have been in every measy album since
Adam began to wear pants? Can't We think Of
something sensible?'
wouldn't half dozen forks be nice?"
faltered Mrs. SpOOpendyke, almost at her wits
end.
Just the thing!" gasped Mr.. Spoopendyke.
Half dozen pitchf0rks and ton of hay Then
you might throw in an eight day hen coop and
cat climbing over the back fence! You've got
ideas about such things All you want is chin
Whisker and a chimney to be a def gasted Santa
Claus With your intelligence on these sub
Jects, you only need strike and a glue pot to
te to! shop, I'm going to buy this present
myself" and Mr.. Spoopendyke shot out of the
house and tore down the street with his head
sunk in his shoulders and his fists in his pock-
cts.
In an hour he returned all grins and tossed a
parcel in his wites lap.
Now. my dear, what do you think of that 2"
he asked cheerily.
Mrs. Spoopendyke opened the parcel and dis
closed huge crimson silk handkerchief that
would hare made tabernacle tent for camp
meeting.
How did you come to think Of it 2" she
asked, holding it up adIlirngly
Why replied Mr.. Spoorendyke - he said
in the letter that if couldn't think of anything
else to get handsome handkerchief Here it
Is. and Nj. Spoopendyke drew out the letter
trumphantly.
But he don't say handkerchief. he SAYS a
nice handkerchief ring Here's the ring on the
next line, said Mrs. Spoopendyke mildly plant
ing her thumb on the supplemental word.
bod CAST the dod gasted woman" he hOwled
why don't he write plain? Why didn't you tell
me before what he wanted? What did you let
me break my neck to get this flag Tor when he
wanted ring? If didn't have any more sense
than you've got I'd put my broken glass on my
head and hire out for the back fence of an idiot
asylum?
And Mr.. Spoopendyke dove into his chair,
and snored Justify until bed time.
Anyhow" thought Mrs. Spoopendyke. as she
put the handkerchief away II can find out
where he bought it and trade it ont for match
safes and lingerie for the baby. and by the time
he gets strap to suit him l will be pretty we'll
fixed out for stockings and hair pins''
And Mrs SpOopendyke fired another charge
of catnp into the baby hushing it's startled cries
as Mr. SpOopendyke, fast asleep, slid out of his
chair like load of coal.