Connecticut western news., 1881-05-18
BRO. GARDENERS LIME.KILN CLUB.
An Address from a Stranger-The Dead Lock and Boards of Pulp lie Works.
From the DETROIT FREE PRESS. l

From the DETROIT FREE PRESS
 "What I was gwine to remark" said the old man, as he looked over and saw that the thermometer marked 92 degrees, lam to de effeck dat, de Hon. Abe Lossford, of How ell, Mich, has arrove in de city at my request to deliber his celebrated lectur' on True Happiness befo' dis club. He am now in de aunty-room, an Sir Isaac Walpole an Rev. Penstock will don de proper regalia an fotch him in." ...
 In the course of the next five minutes the Hon. MT. Lossford was 'tfotched." He had on new suit, walked like Napoleon, looked like Plato and took the platform with all the ease of Nero.
 "Gem'len," he began as he looked down upon the bald head of Elder Toots, ''how many of you know what real happiness ar Dat is, how many of you doan't know muffin about it? Confucius thought he was hap py, but he wasn't. He didn't know muffin bout watermellyons, or persimmons, or green corn. Cesar thought he was happy, but he didn't know muffin bout popcorn, or hickory nuts, or sweet cider. Plato said he had muffin to regret, an yet he neber went in swimmin', or was on skates or tend ed Sunday skule basket picnic" Cheers by Samuel Shin, which died away in hol- low moan as Brother Gardner gave him look composed of giant powder and scrap iron.
 ''Art can beautify our homes, riches kin gin us luxunes, an health kin gin us good capacities an refreshin' sleep, but happiness am sunthin' beyond all dat. When you shoulder a fish-pole an put box O bait in yer pocket an start off to fish you think you am happy, but how is it long bout sum- down when you come home wid one poo ole sun6sh in Q peck basket De young man who hires ibery rig an takes his gal out ridin' may think he's happy, but he isn't When he comes to figger up de cost of his Sunday clothes, de hire of de rig, de chances of smashin' a wheel an brokin' de gals neck, whar' am de happiness? Some of you cull'd folks git hold of 8 watermellyon an sot down in de shade fur from de busy hum of industry an go yum yum! an imagine dat you am happy. I've bin dar, an it makes my mouf pucker to think of it, but was happy? No. sah When come to reckolect dat p'raps some vilyan had | plugged de fruit an dosed it wid jalap, an dat in anoder hour I might be standin' on de banks of de mystic ribber, broke down an cried. [Cheers from Pickles Smith, seconded by Trustee Pullback.
 ''Am you happy when you find lost wallet with heap O money in it? No, sah, kase a purleeceman am allus nigh huff to sec you pick it up. Am you happy when you am gwine up to Lake St. Clair on a 'scursion? No, sah kase de biler may bust. Am you happy when you sot down to eat apples in de busum of your family? No, sah, kase thoughts of trychnia am risin' up to make you afraid You can't be happy in new clothes, kase you am afeared de pants vii bag at de knees You can't be happ, in an old suit, kase some one will start story dat you have bin speckulatin' in porl an lost all yer property.
 ''Darfore I say to you to give up lookin fur true happiness. Oars too many burg lars an robbers an liars an snakes an skeeters an bugs an snow an mud an dus in dis world to permit of anythin' beyond temporary enjoyment Be as happy as yo, kin, dut doan' let emagination run ava, wid you. Dat is, when you plan to sharper yer ax, look ahead fur huff to ax yersel who am gwine to break his back at de han dle of de grindstun. Wid desc few trans gressions, loosely bolted together for tenn porary transportashun, an delibered in speerit of terrorism, will close by wishin you all de happiness dat Natur' am willin' t. grant to sich as us."
 The conclusion of the address was receive, with such enthusiasm that five lengths o stove-pipe fell to the floor and the red-ho stove had to be carried out on the gravelet roof of the store-house adjoining the hall.
 NO INTERFERENCE.
 The Secretary announced @ petition signed by the Hon. Greenback Jones' Si phon Wheeler, Pawtucket Smith, Awfu
 
 men of Michigan, praying the Lime-Kill Club to use it's influence to break the dead lock in the Senate and permit the transac ton of routine business.
 Giveadam Jones seconded the motion before any motion was made, and tn President wilted him by @ look as he said
 "De Lime-Kiln Club an de Senate an two distinct bodies. Each one am run ol it's own programmy. If de Senate believe dat dead-locks, or ive-locks or any othe sort O foolin' aroun' am de way to forwart de bes' interests of de kentry, aay contrar. advice from dis club would not be needed Let de people see de contrast between tn two bodies, an de club will not suffer b, comparison!"
 FEW REMARKS ON BOARD.
 The following brief epistle next claime the attention of the club:
 NEW YORK, May 3, 1881.
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